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jtl-fics · 1 year

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Fluent Freshman - Part 15

The thing is… FF is aware that he should probably be medicated. You might be saying well isn’t he taking his ulcer medication? The answer is yes he is and when he is getting close to missing a dose Nicky’s usually the one that texts him with six frowny face emojis asking if he took his meds (they have a system, he takes his meds and then he texts Nicky)

No, he knows that he should probably get on something for his anxiety. Betsy has offered to get started on getting him on the right cocktail, his grandma thinks it’s a good idea, and Nicky has offered to get him as much weed as he needs to chill out, he knows a guy. Andrew is probably only going to stab him and threaten him not actually hunt him for sport, in his moments of clarity he can accept and understand that.

But there is nothing in this world that he wants less than to get back on anxiety medication. The world had been grey, it muted everything in the world for him, he faded completely into the background of his own life, and he couldn’t even grieve-

He was almost thankful for his step-dad’s sudden arrival in his life and how quickly his mom forgot about him to spend every waking moment she could on him and his children and then their children. It was two years of nothing and then his mom stopped picking up and refilling his prescription because it was too much of a hassle to keep picking up every month.

“He’s not anxious, see he’s fine. He doesn’t need it anymore.”

The withdrawal and the emotions that came afterwards had been hellish. He’d collapsed into his Grandma’s arms and begged her not to call his mom. He spent an entire month of summer vacation feeling like he was going to die and when he got back he found that no one had even missed him.

He swallowed the hurt, all of his emotions felt so much stronger now that he’d lost them for two years. If he has reactions like he’d had before he knows his mom will put him back on the medication.

The town is small and everyone talks. He knows about the dog walker’s poop flinging scandal, he knows about how the butcher’s left pinky got put back on wrong when he’d cut it off, he knows that the kid down the street paid $40 for a bag of oregano that he thought was weed, he knows that lil susie is in counseling because a girl should probably not be establishing cult rituals around her barbies.

He can’t react, can’t let people know he’s dying from anxiety because his math teacher sighs when he hands over his test. Can’t let anyone know that he has to put his head between his legs and take deep breaths before he can go into the cafeteria. His only solace is that all of the foreign language teachers love him, it’s easier to accept a compliment or comment in a language his family doesn’t use.

His step family treat him like the guards outside of Buckingham. Anything for a reaction y’know? He tells himself he does not care and for the most part he doesn’t.

He signs up for Exy in middle school because he just wanted something to do and it was the sport that had the same meeting days as his grandma’s bowling league. She picks him up from practice and they get ice cream together afterwards, she’s the only thing he has since Great Gran passed not too long after he got free of the medication.

He still feels her fingers checking behind his ears on occasion, a joke now that he’s off his meds referencing when he was too zoned out to care about hygiene. He still remembers her looking at him and feeling like she was seeing more than just him, “You’re a Smith. The last one when me and my daughter go. We’ll all be with you whenever you need us.” She promises.

He thinks it’s just respectful to get her favorite scent when he needs her help. He was raised to be respectful. Lavender still makes him think of her and he hopes his grandma left some on her grave recently.

He knew he’d have to wait to go to college. His mom is putting on the pressure now that he’s 18 saying he will have to pay rent even though Greg is older and definitely isn’t. He plays Exy and thinks about how he’ll handle his life between 18 and 25, he puts all his anxiety into the game and maybe the coach notices something.

He must have noticed something.

The Foxes don’t offer positions to kids who don’t have something going wrong for them.

Coach Wymack and Dan Wilds wouldn’t be there in his little bum fuck nowhere town in Washington if his coach hadn’t sent a tape and an explanation.

He could admit that he knew about the Foxes. He looked up to the vice captain a fair bit not just for his game but also…well the Butcher was national news. Vice Captain Neil’s story was all over the news and maybe he was just a little bit in awe of someone who could stand his ground after all of that. Watching Vice Captain Neil Josten give shit to every last reporter who gave him any shit? Inspiring.

He just didn’t think it’d be a good fit for him.

He’s not like the rest of the Foxes. Dan talks about them all in broad terms, how they’re all fighting to become something and grow beyond the unfairness that was out of their control. FF is tough to convince but he’s a pretty good defensive dealer, Dan and Coach Wymack both want him.

Dan eventually has to go because she has an interview for a coaching position out this way but Coach Wymack just hands over the rental car keys and Coach Wymack stays.

Coach Wymack stays and they keep talking. FF talks about everything and Wymack eventually just says “Well, you’re still here despite all of that aren’t you? Sounds like a fighter to me. I think you’ve got what it takes to carry that weight with some help and I can promise that you won’t have to deal with those jerks past your high school graduation. You’re not going to be the first Fox who I help out from under some asshole parents and you won’t be the last.”

So he signs a contract, he’s 18 he can do that AND buy cigarettes now (he won’t. That’s how Gran lost gramps when dad was still young but he COULD. Much like he COULD go into the town’s only sex toy shop but that would be back to his grandma faster than the cigarette purchase to be honest and he isn’t THAT interested in what’s in there.)

He finishes up school but the assistant coach is a friend of his step dad and mentions that he’s signed to the Foxes. It’s just one week between his graduation and when Coach Wymack is coming to grab him

Suddenly he exists in his house for the first time since they all moved into it after the wedding and it’s the WORST. The want things, they want promises, they want assurances, they want to pretend and act like he’s always been there.

He flees to his Grandma’s house and texts Coach Wymack asking if there’s ANY chance he can get picked up early because he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to talk if he calls the man.

Coach Wymack comes for him and shoulders him past his ‘family’ to the rental car but the panic attack he sees in the car ride to the airport when his family’s car follows them all the way to the rental drop off means that he HAS to see Betsy.

Betsy is nice. Betsy teaches him how to breathe through stuff. Betsy teaches him how to ground himself in reality. Betsy tells him that the Starbucks girl probably doesn’t hate him. Betsy suggests he get on some medication.

He said No.

He’s scared out of his MIND in Palmetto but it’s better than-

He prefers to feel things.

Betsy tells him that it shouldn’t have been like that. His mother should have taken him back and gotten his prescription adjusted until it wasn’t like that.

He still declines.

Andrew gets suspicious about him knowing Russian after that game of Never Have I Ever and Nicky keeps almost letting it spill right by him. His stomach hurts the CVS girl keeps pepto for him behind the counter.

He still declines.

He prefers to feel things.

You can’t enjoy the thrill of a 100% on a Kanji Basics midterms without the anxiety of the Oral presentation. You can’t feel the true satisfaction of getting a blender for 25% off + 50 dollars of in-store credit without the flop-sweat of the searching eyes of a woman wearing PINK branded lounge wear. You can’t keep friends if you have no ability to empathize with them even if you’re worried you’re annoying them or ‘humble bragging’.

Fear is better.

Betsy tells him if he’s ever ready then she will help him. His Gran tells him she loves him. Nicky says “Look there’s a strain called White Russian. That’d be funny right?!”and FF agrees but declines to sample it.

Right now, as Nicky smudges eyeliner under his eyes and tugs at his shirt for the 80th time, he thinks it might actually be better to feel nothing.

He’d woken up from his…nap? He might have fainted actually? But he did it on a bed and it lasted for like 4 hours? So does that count as a nap? He wants to ask but also doesn’t want to worry anyone, maybe he could ask Aaron that if a Friend faints and doesn’t wake up for four hours is that a nap or a medical emergency? Just curious.

When he had emerged from Nicky’s room Captain Neil and Andrew had herded them all into the Maserati and they’d gone out and gotten McDonald’s for a late lunch. The only comment he had gotten when he’d asked for a happy meal (his stomach could not handle anything more) was whether or not he wanted the toy.

“Yes.” He answered panicked at the sudden question.

He got his Megamind toy, accidentally shone it into Aaron’s eyes when he pushed a button. “Shit that’s bright” before he apologized and shoved it in his jacket pocket.

They hung out at the house for the rest of the day.

They watched movies, played Mario Kart (how is Captain Neil this bad when his reflexes on the court are so good?) and did some homework. Andrew seemed to actually like the brownies which is why FF probably woke up from his... still haven’t asked Aaron if it’s a nap or a medical emergency.

He has a square and even at room temperature they taste great.

When it started to get dark they all went to go get ready. FF had gone to get whatever clothes Nicky had prepared on but had found himself sat on the man’s bed (so much glitter, seriously how can one bed have so much of it?) and Nicky holding a pencil to his eye and telling HIM not to flinch.

“Gonna have all the….” Nicky pauses and adopts a look on his face that means that he’s thinking incredibly hard about something. “Wait how have we been friends for MONTHS and I have no idea how you swing?” FF is caught off guard for a few moments because it’s the first time that Nicky has verbally confirmed that they are, in fact, friends and…

Wow.

That’s so nice.

He thought it was just Nicky’s innate inability to leave something to suffer needlessly that had the upperclassmen helping him. (FF has watched Nicky go out of his way to give cats food, turn turtles back onto their stomachs, and walk into traffic to stop cars so that a duck family could make it to a pond. He just sort of figured he was the same level of pathetic)

Wait.

What.

“Wait, what?”

“How do you swing?” Nicky repeats.

FF knows what he means but doesn’t want to. “With my left hand.” He responds and hopes Nicky drops it because the long and short answer is: he doesn’t know. He has no idea.

“Ohh dirty!” Nicky makes a jacking off motion with his left hand and FF feels embarrassed sweat cover his body, “NO! Don’t ruin my work!” Nicky yells fanning him with his hands so the eyeliner doesn’t run. “You know what I mean Smithy. Swing for girls, boys, both, neither? What am I working with here?” He asks wiping at FF’s cheek.

“I don’t…know.” He admits because deflecting is OBVIOUSLY not his strong suit. Twice in a row it’s brought up weird sex stuff.

“C’mon don’t be embarrassed. Even if you’re straight you’re obviously an Ally.” Nicky smiles.

“No it’s not…” he flushes okay he is embarrassed but that’s because he REALLY doesn’t know. Like how the hell did he get to college and have ZERO idea about what he’s attracted to or if he’s just not attracted to anyone? He’d been focused on not screaming for the last decade and that hadn’t really left a lot of room to consider how anyone looked. He’s getting used to having friends and three whole group chats (he’s bad at responding to them, overwhelmed by the idea that whatever he says can be revisited and picked apart forever but still, THREE!)

“I really have no idea.” He repeats.

Nicky blinks at him. “Okay well, college can be all about figuring that out then! No worries my sweet boy, we will figure this out.” Nicky pats his cheek.

He feels a little better.

“Alright, let’s go to Eden’s!”

Oh fuck that’s right.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lilyndra @themugglemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig @notprocrastinatingatalltoday @percyjacksonfan3 @queenofcrazy27 @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares @spencellio @adinthedarkroom @harpymoth @sufferingjustalilbit @anxietymoss @oddgreyhound

The requests to be added to the tag list got spread out across a few different mediums on this one so if I missed you then just ask in the replies!

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

#Fluent Freshman AU #Turns out I couldn't wait to write about Dan and Wymack coming out to recruit FF #So I used them as a means to talk about some other shit #And transition back to Thanksgiving Break #In the end no matter how silly he is #FF is a Fox #He's a Fox with all that implies #I'll touch more on his full past later but here's a lil taste #A lil angst as a TREAT #After all the sugar you need some bitterness #Could he really be a blorbo without it?#FF in the car on the way to Sweetie's: Hey so like random question here Aaron but what's the turn around time on fainting?#Aaron: the turn around time?#FF: Yeah like how long does it usually take for someone to wake up after they faint?#Aaron: Like 20 seconds #FF: So like four hours is abnormal #Aaron: 20 minutes is abnormal. Four hours is a medical emergency. WHY?#FF: Asking for a friend.#Aaron: That friend should be in the hospital #FF: Oh he probably will be later #I don't know if I'm gonna write them actually hanging out at Sweeties in their club outfits #I think the implied OH GOD I'M NOT DRESSED RIGHT that FF would feel is so obvious #But hey time to see who reads the tags #What flavor do you think FF would get for ice cream?#AFTG #AFTG OC #AFTG AU #AFTG Fic #FF - Pt. 15

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actual-changeling · 1 year

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ellie learns how to draw, and, if she might say so herself, gets pretty damn good at it, especially faces. it helps her ground herself to see happy memories physically stare back at her from her sketch book, her walls, the fridge, and wherever else joel puts up her drawings. he loves all of them, even the very first ones that aren't much more than vaguely human scribbles.

the first year in jackson is a pain, and she spends most of it holed up in their house, drawing, painting (she has no idea where joel gets all the paint from and he refuses to tell her), and once they make it through their first winter together, she feels comfortable enough to show them to other people, too. mostly tommy and maria, and in a weak moment she even gifts them a drawing she made of them and their baby.

she's over at their house a lot, it's a lot more lived in and settled than theirs but they're working on it, and notices some actual pictures, the kind you take with a camera, decorating the living room. it's obvious that they're prized possessions, framed and front and center on the walls. a handful of them show maria and what must have been her family before the outbreak, others are newer. jackson does have some cameras saved for special events, and there are two pictures of them on their wedding day, and even one from a few days after the baby was born.

she doesn't think much of it until their second summer in jackson when she notices the way joel stares at the baby pictures and realizes that all he has to remember sarah by is the broken watch on his wrist. the only tangible memory and it's one of pain and death.

ellie mulls over it a lot, it keeps her up at night and while joel picks up on it, he doesn't press the issue when she refuses to talk about it, though she assures him she's fine.

it takes her another two weeks after her realization to catch tommy alone one afternoon with joel safely away on patrol, oddly nervous and unsure how to phrase what she wants to ask. eventually she manages to explain her idea and the positively soft, distantly heartbroken look he gives her makes her breath catch in her throat.

do you think he would be okay with it?

i think he would love it, sweetheart.

they sit together for hours in his kitchen, ellie is determined to make it look exactly right and urges tommy to not hold back his criticism if something isn't accurate, and by the end, they have missed dinner and her wrist hurts like hell, fingers stained with pencil lead and color, but her chest is brimming with a warm sense of accomplishment.

tommy gives her a frame and she wraps it as well as she knows how to. he insists that she gives it to him alone, but ellie draws him into an uncharacteristically tight hug before she leaves and hides her smile in his chest when he presses a hesitant kiss to her hair. family, she realizes, is pretty damn great.

the waiting is the hardest part. she puts her gift on the coffee table and paces the living room for at least half an hour while she waits for joel to return from his patrol, switching between chewing her lips and biting her nails. by the time he finally walks through the door, she has almost convinced herself to abandon the whole thing and just pretend it never happened, but then joel's there, gaze immediately softening when he sees her, and suddenly she can't wait to give it to him. it's a pretty big frame and the best paper she owns, rivaling some of her larger paintings on actual canvas, and joel has to sit down to open it without running the risk of accidentally dropping it.

i hope you like it.

the quiet tremor in her voice makes him stop halfway through unwrapping it, but she just gestures for him to continue, rocking on her feet.

tommy helped.

when the last of the paper falls away and joel sees her work for the very first time, they both hold their breath at once, even the summer breeze stilling, air brimming with something neither of them have the words for.

joel is looking at a vibrant water color painting of sarah, face at a soft angle as she wonders at a small purple butterfly resting on her finger, hand raised in front of her, eyes and smile shining brighter than the sun, hair a shimmering cloud of brown and gold. a frozen moment in time, sarah forever fourteen, capturing the love ellie feels pouring out of joel whenever he talks about her, a wave of affection and distilled joy that makes her miss a person she has never known.

i thought you might want a happy memory of her to look at, too.

ellie points at his watch, broken glass fracturing the light falling in, hand shaking.

i hope it's okay that i- if you don't want it-

joel's arms are around her before she can finish, cutting off her stuttered attempts, frame safe on the table as he hugs her so tightly her feet lift off the floor and she clings to his neck, relief bringing air back to her lungs. he holds her with his face buried in her hair, and ellie only notices he is crying when she can feel a few stray tears run down her neck. when he sets her down again, eyes glassy even after he dries his cheeks, her knees buckle under his gaze. they're both bad with feelings, bad with words, love shown through touch and gestures, through don't forget to eat, i'll stay with you until you fall asleep, fresh cups of coffee left on his nightstand before she leaves for school, hands searching for each other in the crowd again and again and again, never letting go.

love brought to life by a painting of the daughter that taught him how to be a father, made by the one that helped him find his way back to the light.

thank you, ellie.

they both know it means i love you, too, sarah immortalized on their living room wall where the morning sun illuminates her face with every sunrise.

more rambles in the tags

#alex writes tlou #the last of us #tlou #joel and ellie #joel and sarah #joel miller #ellie williams #tlou fluff #sarah miller #tommy miller #ellie and tommy #this got so much longer than i planned help this is like half a fic synopsis #this started out as ellie draws sarah for joel #and turned into whatever this is #so so so tempted to turn this into a full fic #but also listen listen i cannot draw i wish i could because i want to capture the image of that painting so desperately #blanket permission to everyone who wants to do that i will literally give you my first born #gonna sleep on the highway tonight this is killing me #this is an apology for the tommy's baby looks like sarah post #and a peace offering for all the angst to come in my fic #fr though im almost tempted to literally pay someone to draw this i am mentally ill #also ellie and tommy bonding as a bonus because i am still obsessed with that too #ellie is sarahs sister and while neither of them will every say it like that they both know its true #theyre just emotionally repressed its ok they communicate in their own way #anyway gonna try and not die now and actually get stuff done but also pls talk to me about them i am vibrating hard enough to shatter glass

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lolhex12 · 9 months

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we don't talk enough abt akutagawa's cough / lung disease (chronic&terminal) yet it has so much angst potential?? anywayy

after the current arc, atsushi knows akutagawa is actively dying and he's the only one who does bc akutagawa didn't tell anyone else abt it. (altho, in all honesty, the amount this man coughs should at least hint at it. i'm honestly amazed not more ppl in the story are concerned abt it)

so, the next mission they have together, akutagawa coughs and atsushi is now aware what it really means, so he wonders out loud with nonchalance masking his concern: "hey, so like, do you think yosano's ability would help with your cough and all? would it go away then?"

akutagawa, wiping his mouth, slightly annoyed: "how would i now? i'm not well-acquainted with your coworkers, weretiger, therefore it's none of my concern. and even then, i wouldn't trust any ada members with my issues, nor my life."

atsushi finds his words a bit sus bc 'u do trust me tho', but doesn't say it out loud and they leave it at that.

somehow, it becomes a regular thing. every time they have a mission together and atsushi hears his partner cough, he presents more ideas of how they could cure a terminal lung disease, and they vary in absurdity as he runs out of inspiration.

his ideas range from mere "have you tried going to a doctor?" (<- at which akutagawa stares in disbelief: "you either think i'm an idiot, or you are the idiot. which one is it?" and atsushi pouts bc 'ok yeah, fair... but also, rude') to insanities like "maybe witchcraft would help! i could look up witches in the area and see if black magic or something has any luck." (<- at which akutagawa is so done he doesn't even entertain the idea and just keeps walking)

they never follow through with any idea tho, bc akutagawa stubbornly refuses to waste time on trying to find a cure when his time on earth already is very limited.

it should also be noted that each time the cough gets worse; louder, rougher, more persistent and even bloody, which only makes atsushi more and more worried.

so one time, akutagawa's particularly annoyed by atsushi's insane and stupid ideas. he turns to him and point-blank asks: "why do even care so much whether i succumb to my illness or not? surely, my death should only leave you overjoyed to see the world be rid of one more evil."

that makes atsushi think bc 'why? why does he care whether akutagawa lives or dies? he's right, a bad person like a mafioso dying should be a good thing.'

after lengthy contemplation he comes to the conclusion that he simply cannot have his sworn enemy/rival/partner die from something as pathetic as a disease. someone as strong as akutagawa has to die in a more memorable way - not alone, in a bed, coughing, with nothing more to be remembered by. if anything he'd have to die fighting atsushi or something. yeah that's it. that's why. (<- it's not, but they're not quite there yet)

so atsushi tells him as much. akutagawa accepts it bc 'yeah, makes sense. what else could the reason be?'

the whole routine of coughing and brainstorming a solution in vain continues as the ideas get even more insane, the cough even worse and atsushi more concerned than ever.

the next time akutagawa is annoyed enough to pose the question again, atsushi is close to tears from anxiety as he holds up akutagawa who collapsed and can't seem to subdue his cough properly.

atsushi struggles to get out the water bottle and cough drops he'd started carrying around on their missions together. he's so scared bc he's never seen akutagawa look so sick and frail before (but not weak. never weak. akutagawa could never be weak in atsushi's eyes. it's impossible, bc akutagawa being strong is a simple, unchangeable fact, constant in any possible universe).

what would he do if akutagawa actually died there? in his arms? on a mission? which would probably get cancelled. would the pm think atsushi killed him? does he bring back the body or just bury it somewhere? pretend he got killed on the mission and not by his own body that had turned on him years ago and was in reality a long time coming? he couldn't even bear to think abt it.

"why tf do u care so much??" akutagawa yells with a scratchy voice before his cough continue despite his best efforts to stop.

atsushi can barely breathe anymore. "because i don't want you to die, you idiot! we're a team! you're my partner. who will i be left with if you go?" tears stream down his face, mainly from how overwhelming his anxiety feels. or maybe bc he really doesn't want his partner to die? nah, it's the anxiety. definitely the anxiety. (<- #denial)

akutagawa, at first embarrassed how his collapse derailed their mission bc goddammit he's supposed to be a professional and not let his issues interfere with his job, pauses when he sees atsushi crying... for him? because of him? ???

he's very confused bc he's pretty sure his rival/enemy/partner should not be so concerned abt his health and impending death, but something abt atsushi's expression and that whole situation makes him rethink his outlook on life.

that's when akutagawa starts taking his health more seriously and actively looks for possible, feasible ways to cure his disease, even if there's only a small chance it'll actually work. bc seeing atsushi like that made him realize there are a handful of people who care abt him and would mourn him if he died; more than just his sister and higuchi.

it made him realize his life had a bigger impact on others than he'd previously thought, not all of it bad.

#i'm insane. i wrote this at 4am and it should not have gotten this long. i just wanted to note down the idea not write it out #fml #they're both very much idiots btw. they care but cannot come to the conclusion it could possibly be in a romantic way #only enemies bc 'grrr ure evil' and 'grr dazai likes u better'#they do eventually get over it and start dating dw trust me i can see the future😌👍#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanon #headcanon #nakajima atsushi #akutagawa ryunosuke #shin soukoku #sskk #akutagawa x atsushi #i desperately need to see more chronic illness!akutagawa content bc it's such a good angst source #and best part abt it? IT'S CANON. CANON CHARACTER WITH CANON CHRONIC HEALTH ISSUES AND TERMINAL LUNG DISEASE #like cmon it's. right. there. we just gotta grab it and the magic will happen #just watched the new ep.#ngl kinda disappointed to see how akutagwa's confession abt his disease was portrayed as an off-hand comment. it needed more impact imo #then again. it's bones <- disappointed but not surprised

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zeb-z · 8 months

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also something about foolish, who usually sticks around spawn, who builds or fools around, who takes care of his daughter, going off thousands of blocks away to fight in dungeons. to throw himself into the fight again and again. to find something harder to fight each time, to get a reward that he doesn’t really need or want anyway. no leo around for him to worry about, or worry about him in return, after all

#foolish 🤝 bad - healthy coping mechanisms who??#anyways no one is dealing with this well and I’m ready for them to just destroy the island until their children come back or they can go #and save them #sorry to keep angst posting on main I’m going through it pfksjfjs #I’m just. foolish isn’t one to get serious or genuinely upset. frustrated maybe. hardly upset like he is #his reaction to Leo? not letting anyone read the book she left before he could even if it would take a lot more effort?#he had his moment of ‘wtf’ laughter. and then he has his genuine im upset I’m pissed I’m at a loss reaction. which is the polar opposite of #his usual frantic raised voice almost comical over the top reactions #when Tina finds out he can’t even fully brush it off with a joke to comfort her. he can’t reassure her. he gets quiet #I’m just. the whole combo. I’m upset about this man #mcyt #qsmp #foolish #z speaks

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edwardallenpoe · 1 year

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WHY AREN'T THERE MORE CRYING SPOCK FANFICS OUT THERE

WHAT HAPPENED TO SPOCK BEING THE CRYBABY OF THE SERIES??? THIS BITCH CRIED THE MOST OUT OF ANY CHARACTER IN TOS

Y'ALL ARE SLEEPING ON THIS BOY SHEDDING TEARS AND IT'S SICKENING

#SPOCK DESERVES TO CRY #CRYING SPOCK RIGHTS #Spock #Star Trek #Spock ToS #Like he could be crying for a number of shit #Like idk JIM FUCKING DYING IN AOS????#aos spock #SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR SPOCK SOBBING HIS LIVER OUT BC OF TRAUMA OF KIRK DYINV #*DYING FUCK #COME ON GUYS #I'VE SEEN LIKE FOUR FANFICS OF HIM CRYING #I NEED MORE SPOCK ANGST

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saintchaser · 11 months

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sirius never thought he would stand face to face with regulus again.

they had been ambushed. they had gone out to celebrate the fact that james was going to become a father soon and, mere seconds later, the death eaters had made their way into the pub. they managed to help the muggles escape; however, regulus was standing in front of sirius, his wand pointed at his brother's throat.

regulus had changed. his hair was longer, and his usual elegance had been replaced by something disheveled, and a glint of madness in his dark eyes. his eyebrows knitted together, and there was something sad, something pitiful in his look.

"i could kill you," regulus hissed, regaining his composure, and his wand was in the hollow of sirius' throat. "i could kill you right now, and i would never regret it."

"do it," sirius sneered, putting his hands over his head, his back against the wall, and grinning at his brother. "come on, kill me off if you're so brave, little king."

he let his wand fall to the ground and kicked it with the side of his foot, landing somewhere about three metres away from them.

"i'm defenseless." sirius said, and regulus was glaring at him. "and yet, you're not acting up on that desire. despite how much you want to believe it, you're still the same meek, obedient boy you've always been. they haven't changed you, regulus."

regulus looked him in the eyes, and, lowering his hand, he dropped his wand. "go," he whispered, and there was a certain urgency in his voice. "i'll tell them you ran off, you're more powerful than i am, anyways."

sirius let out a low chuckle. "that might have been the bravest thing you ever did," he said, and, leaving, he squeezed regulus' arm reassuringly, right where the dark mark was etched in his brother's skin. "you know where to find me."

as he escaped behind the wall of the factory, he heard regulus saying he escaped, and deep within him, sirius grinned, and remembered when he and his little brother (could he even call him that now? he had matured, and there was an aching beauty in that, how regulus was not the boy he used to be, once.) used to love each other.

#was planning to write bb angst and it didn't come out as well as i expected but we'll just roll with it #but!!! anyways i think it could have come out worse so i'm not. like. complaining #also i think that their relationship is something so complex and beautiful and rotten and gahhh #sirius black #regulus black #regulus&sirius #the black brothers #the black brothers angst #my writing

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incorrect-fnaf-quotes · 2 days

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Xhfh... Glam Bon and Glam Freddy thoughts. An angsty scenario came to mind after something, and it can be answered by Time Traveling Ballpit.

Past Glam Bon (before anything bad happened) ends up falling through it in the Daycare, and ends up in the present day of the Pizzaplex—when he is gone by then. But he doesn’t know that immediately.

He’s seeing the others like normal, but he’s confused about Glamrock Freddy’s reaction—as well as how everyone else has been reacting ever since he got out of the ballpit just a bit ago.

And it’s like... Glamrock Freddy is happy to see them—he’s missed him, of course, but at the same time, it isn’t exactly the Bonnie he’s been looking for, if that makes sense.

He knows that it’s Glamrock Bonnie—they all know that—but he’s not the same one that he’s been missing, that disappeared, that he was hoping to find. It isn’t the current Bonnie that just... reappeared/got found.

It’s Glamrock Bonnie from the past—which is nice, Glamrock Freddy likes seeing him—but the bunny wouldn’t stay in the future the whole time, and Glam. Fred knows that the current Bonnie is still... gone, and misses him.

#Not a quote #FNaF: Security Breach #Glamrock Freddy sees him coming out of the Daycare and he’s just... so happy in that moment #And Glamrock Bonnie enjoys seeing Glam Fred but is also just like ��???’ the whole time #He doesn’t really understand the reactions—considering he was hanging out with them a bit before falling in the ballpit #And he wouldn’t even understand unless/until it was exactly explained to him #It’s nice seeing them—but Glam Fred still wonders where they are in the present #He misses him so much—and once Past!Glam Bon leaves... he kinda feels more sad #He saw Glam Bon again. But not the one that’s currently gone—and he wishes that he could actually find him #Could finally figure out what entirely happened #I hope this makes sense #Anyways: Angst for the Bear Father #Glamrock Bonnie #Glamrock Freddy #Glamrock Fronnie

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littleogreboii · 8 months

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milly really does hold the braincell yet chooses to be a silly little bean and i love her for it

#milly thompson #trigun milly #ive watched a total of one episode of the 98 series and this is the conclusion ive come to #vash also tries this tactic but everyone takes a second look at him and is like nah mans got angst pouring out his armpits #milly? milly could drop the angstiest shit on me and i would still be tricked into thinking awwww my silly little blorbo

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lucentful · 2 months

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contemplating transfem gwenpool

could you imagine the gender euphoria she would have had the moment she appeared in marvel? how on top of being able to live in the same world as her heroes, she's finally being presented in a way that makes her feel happy with herself and her body? she knows comics tend to not draw imperfections on people, and she's so happy that hasn't changed for her. maybe that's one of her top reasons for loving her dynamite gams, too. she's finally being seen the way she's always felt like she should be seen.

#gwenpool #gwen poole #headcanon #transgender #gender euphoria #marvel #my post #ik there's a panel out there where she says comics draw ppl with less flaws #i wanted to throw that down so ppl could ez see where i'm coming from but i couldn't find it </3 #i was going to talk about her dysphoric fears too #like “what if someone draws me different if they learn i'm trans”#but i decided nah i should keep this good vibes #maybe if ppl want that kind of angst i will but for now

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theflyingfeeling · 9 months

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I don’t know if I’m just imagining things but I feel like Olli and Aleksi are actually so close 🥺 for example I feel like they post so many pics together and I know they post with others too and it’s not a big deal but e.g. Olli has posted 5 pics with someone else this year and 3 of them are with Aleksi.. so it must mean something right?? 🥺 and I feel like they spend a lot of time together yk even ”outside the band” when they’re having a day off and they still do music (the remix) etc. together 😭

Yeah I mean I for one am so deep in the Olli/Allu delulu land that it's VERY easy for me to agree and confirm all of this 😭 they're boyfriends secret lovers special friends and it shows 🥺

Here are all the pictures of the two of them I could find on Olli's IG, for reference 💞

+ the group picture Olli posted when Aleksi first joined the band, with the caption 'so now there's six of us' 🥺

#i left out the one where he's pushing aleksi's and niko's heads in the water 😳#and one from balboa bts with tommi in the background #ngl the anon ask i got yesterday has given me MASSIVE headworms of 2 young guys having thought they had their life all figured out already #and then one day they realise they've fallen for their friend and bandmate 😭#friends to lovers but with troubles in between my most beloved trope in the world 💞💖💗💓💕💖💞#with truckloads of (mutual) pining and just general confusion about what they should do about their stupid (mutual) feelings #(i'd love to read/write something of this sort but i'm too anxious about everyone being all #'boohoo they'd never cheat also you're disrespecting their gfs'#like............first of all it's fiction second of all IT'S FUCKING FICTION third of all i ain't gonna tell 'em lol #obviously i wouldn’t include their actual gfs and OBVIOUSLY i wouldn’t show the fic to anyone who's in it??#i just don't understand how someone could be offended about something they don't know about lol #and OBBVVVIOUSSSLLYYYY i wouldn’t write either of the guys as somehow happy or confident about cheating like come on #there'd be SO MUCH guilt and shame and angst and they’d still love their gfs so much #but then there's also this guy who's their friend and whose stinky socks made them barf once on the tourbus #and who means the world to them. they didn’t mean for it to happen. it just did 😭#anyway sorry for rambling i swear i don't mean to make everything about my silly fic ideas #i just can't help myself and i need a way to let it all out somehow without bothering anyone in particular 😭😭😭)#ollixallu #anon asks #answered asks

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tswwwit · 1 year

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just finished a very angsty billdip fic i have to run back to my roots (your account) and lick my wounds (reread familiar au for the fourth time)

You are safe here, my sweet anon.

For now.

#answers #Who knows when I'll whip out some angst??? It could be any day now #Not likely I haven't been writing as much as I wanted #BUT STILL #That hammer could come down if I so chose #I just like writing fluff a lot too

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fleetsonourgecentral · 4 months

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So how do you think Scourge would handle the events of the fugitive arc of STCO?

To give context, some guy (a wolf named Kane) starts tearing down him in the media by bringing up stuff like "he created Robotnik, he transforms into Super Sonic, he's a bit of a dick (even if everyone already knows that so people don't pay attention to this part)" which makes almost everyone in Mobius but his friends hate him, then after a while there's some mega mack bombings across the zones and Sonic tries to figure out who it was but gets knocked out by a sneak attack and his friends get attacked too and then the attacker reveals itself to be "Sonic", Sonic tries to stop one of the missiles but they set him up and cut off the Kintobor computer while he was helping him disarm it so it explodes, he's arrested and when his friends (Amy, Knuckles and Tails) come to bust him out "Sonic" attacks the and left them to die (though they survive obviously) and escapes, later it's revealed he's the the Metallix Mark IV (basically the Neo Metal Sonic of the Metallix) who framed Sonic for all those crimes and swapped him after they run all kind tests in him to confirm it is him so everyone does think Sonic did all that, Sonic manages to escape the volcano he trapped him in and gets Metallix destroyed by the Lava, then right after that Grimer appears as an hologram (because he is in another dimension were Sonic can't get to him) and tells him he's behind all of it because he drove Robotnik crazy, so he seeked revenge and made Sonic despised by everyone to the point he had to leave the planet.

And Sonic does try to leave after not finding anything to prove his innocence, but Robotnik comes back so he decides to stay and help, but has to do it while being a fugitive hated by everyone with the exception of Tails...

Kay sorry for the wall of text, I tried to get the important bits (or what I think are the important bits), it's hard to explain it to people who haven't read it.

Oh man oh man. So like. I know it would be really sweet and whatever to believe Scourge would believe in Sonic no matter what, but honestly? I think he'd fall for it. Scourge is used to betrayal, he grew up around it. Betrayal was expected on Moebius, the only way to ensure loyalty is through fear, and Scourge has to actively work to trust people won't betray him at the slightest convenience. It doesn't come easily to him. Trusting Sonic is a choice he makes every day, built on the foundation that Sonic has - somehow, against all odds - proved he has no interest in betraying Scourge. It helps a little that Sonic is upfront about it when he doesn't like someone - Scourge is used to people being rude or cruel, and Sonic is so, so fucking rude, which, to Scourge, is a symbol of honesty - but it still isn't easy. It still takes work. And as nice as it would be to believe Scourge would believe in Sonic's innocence against all odds, in reality, I feel like his predisposition to be prepared for betrayal would actually just make the situation hit even harder. He doesn't, and never will, have the endless faith and trust in his friends that other Sonics have. Letting his guard down is a conscious choice, and one he'll revoke at any time if he feels threatened

So as for the fugitive arc? I think it would hit Scourge, and hit Scourge hard. The initial stuff wouldn't bother him - what does he care if Sonic created Robotnik? If he can turn into Super? And the whole reason Scourge likes him at all is because he's a dick. Being attacked would make him hesitate, but it's not the first time someone has impersonated Sonic to ruin his reputation, so he cautiously holds out hope. But after all the tests "confirm" it really is him? Any hope he has shatters. He doesn't care about what happens to Mobius, but he does care about their relationship. To hear Sonic never actually cared about him, that he was being played for a fool (which, from what you described, I imagine is the angle the Metallix would go for during the whole "attacks them and leaves them to die" thing) would be a deep, deep wound. He trusts Sonic more than he's ever trusted anyone, and this is how he's repaid? Stupid. He should have known this Sonic would be no different than all the rest. He should have known better. He never should have let his guard down

Needless to say, he wouldn't take it well. He'd lash out. Yell at Tails for being an idiot for continuing to believe in Sonic's innocence. By this point he's probably developed enough of a relationship with the rest of the freedom fighters to still consider them... if not friends, then at least allies. They were attacked too, after all, and they're angry, just like him. But he'd pull back from them, become a little harsher, more on guard around them in case they betray him, too. Maybe he'd even take over the position of leadership, although I'm sure he would butt heads with Amy over that whenever they disagree on something, and those disagreements would be far worse than her disagreements with Sonic, because Scourge is hurting and is, at all times, two steps away from completely revoking his trust in everyone, so any disagreement from Amy feels like a personal attack and a potential warning sign to him

He'd probably try to hunt Sonic down. Idk what the priorities of the rest of the freedom fighters are - probably trying to un-fuck the world - but his priority is definitely getting revenge. It's probably one of the biggest reasons he clashes with Amy when they don't agree on how to lead the rest of the freedom fighters, and could even lead to him going off on his own if he's challenged one too many times by her. Scourge the Hedgehog doesn't take betrayal lying down. He gets his revenge no matter what

(It's made worse by the fact his anger and hurt don't erase the fact he still loves Sonic. Loving Sonic is habit, and those feelings don't go away so easily. Betrayal isn't enough to erase them, and the fact that they still exist makes him feel like his feelings are betraying him, too. He's hoping that getting revenge and being angry will crush the feelings he has for someone who no longer deserves them. It's why he can't slow down, can't stop, can't control his anger like everyone is asking him to. If he does that, he'll keep loving Sonic, and he doesn't want to do that after Sonic hurt him so badly)

TLDR: he wouldn't handle the events of the fugitive arc at all

#sonic the hedgehog #scourge the hedgehog #fleetway sonic #stc sonic #fleet!sonourge #asks #headcanon #man would go OFF THE FUCKING RAILS with rage #oooooo angst my belovedddddd #on the flip side i imagine sonic would be. so so hurt by scourge's lack of faith in him #his instinct when his friends appear to 'leave' him isn't always to be understanding (see: porker leaving the freedom fighters)#he'd struggle to understand the reason scourge can't have blind faith in him is because that isn't who he is. isn't how he grew up #whenever the truth comes to light i imagine scourge would feel guilty though #despite himself. despite his best attempts. he would not be able to simply stop loving sonic #those feelings would persist. and upon finding out sonic was innocent after all he'd feel guilty about not believing in the person he loves #sonic needed him. needed support. and scourge pushed him away and lashed out instead of looking for a different explanation #he trusts sonic more than anyone. why could he not just trust him this time too?#and sonic would still be hurt. yeah. yeah why DIDN'T scourge trust him and look for a different explanation?#what has he ever done to make scourge believe he'd betray him just like that?#in the aftermath their relationship would be SEVERELY torn #and they would have to put a lot of work into fixing it again #it's not irreparable. just the lowest point they've ever been at #thank you for your patience in waiting for me to answer this fhdsahjdsf what an interesting concept and conflict for them to explore #angst angst angst angst angstttttt angst my beloved

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dirtytransmasc · 8 months

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Hi!!!!

Do you have any hcs for how Alicole would try and solve and argument with the kids? Like, their dynamic (especially Aegon with Alicole cause he’s the oldest) is just so interesting and I’ve always wondered how an argument/disagreement would play out with them

ooh, tasty concept.

with arguments amongst the children, they try and get them to take a step back. they'll each take a kid (or two if it involves all of them) and give them a hug or something of the like, easing the tensions, before helping them come to some sort of compromise or agreement.

when it comes to non petty arguments that every child has, the source of issues amongst the kids is the following;

with Aegon they have to settle his need to compensate for feeling as though he is lacking. he tends to pick on his siblings when he's feeling down on himself. so it's a lot of affirming words and hugs while also chiding his cruel behavior. he's definitely hard on himself about being cruel as well, he doesn't like being mean it just sorta comes out of him when he's not in good spirits about himself. he shoves his siblings away over little things when he's upset which only makes him feel worse in the long run. the whole situation makes it hard to parent, as it's not right how he treats his siblings at times, but it's also awful how he feels and how it presents itself. there's typically long talks after the fact. Aegon's usually in his dad's arms, more often than not, while he mom comforts him.

with Aemond it's cooling his temper and frustration, deep breaths and grounding. they remind him that he can't let every jab get a rise out of him, that he always had them to turn to when he needs help, that he's not alone to handle his anger. they try and learn more and more each time, what triggers his anger, what helps him calm down, what to avoid, etc. sometimes he needs to just be held other times he needs a moment alone to breathe. they also try and help him learn how to self regulate and also make his siblings aware that he's getting upset prior to him lashing out (they also talk to them about it).

with Helaena, arguments tend to be because she thinks so differently from her brothers. not only is she a girl in a house of boys, but also because she's autistic (I was the autistic 'sister' in a house of boys for most of my life, it definitely brewed some unique arguments, and I'm gonna project god damn it), their ways of thinking and doing are so different sometimes that she just loses it. so with her, they let her talk, they let her ramble and decompress until she can ground herself, then they have to try and explain the boys point of views, how they see may not be the right way, nor is hers, neither are, but they have to learn to agree. then it's hugs and kisses and talking it out, before they go back to hashing it out with the boys.

Daeron's the most agreeable with the siblings, very adhd coded in my mind (so I'm going to project my brother onto him cause they're very copy pasted in my mind) so when he gets into an argument it's because he's going too fast, too passionate, and/or too much. so again, like most of their children, it's grounding first talking later. like Helaena, they have to explain that the way he is isn't bad or wrong, but that's sometimes we need to slow down, take a breath, cool off, and than continue.

with arguments they take their kids separately, normally separated into different rooms and they visit them together. depending on the exact situation they may just offer hugs and softness, or they'll play a slight game of good cop/bad cop, though they're careful with it. the goal is to solve the problem, not slap a bandaid on it. they tend to each kids needs before handling the actual issue at hand and then being them together to find a solution.

they can both be soft and stern in their own ways. Cole is typically softer on them, as he gets to their levels, takes them close while talking, but he has a stern voice and makes it clear he's willing to put a foot down if need be. while Alicent tends to be a bit more formal and stereotypically authoritative, sitting at the table with them, even if she holds their hands in hers and pulls their chairs close so she can stroke their cheeks.

normally the kids can make right up, or at least come to peaceful terms, but if it doesn't, cause kids can hold grudges like no one's business, Alicent and Cole are forced to remain wholly neutral which is much harder than one would think. most of their fights that lead to grudges are very childish so it's really just waiting for them to crack and realize it was a stupid argument. this is made easier when they don't get involved, so they just laugh amongst themselves where the kids can't see them, and try and keep face in front of them (they can smell weakness and betrayal. send help. a 4 kids household isn't easy). they definitely have moments where they wave the white flag cause one of the kids accused them of siding. the "get along" shirt is also an active and well worn member of the family (Aegon and Aemond share it often)

this video is very much Aegon and Daeron. they feud often. they're either acting like Aegon is a second dad to him, or they are actually going to war and have been sworn enemies for generations, fighting a battle to honor their forefathers (Alicent and Criston are so tired). speaking of Aegon being a second dad, he definitely oversees a lot of arguments between Daeron and his friends... does he understand little kid drama? no. is it entertaining as all hell? you fucking bet, he wants to hear all about what little James did at daycare.

when the kids are arguing with them, which with the way they run the house is pretty rare, but not impossible, they first take a step back for themselves. they will never show anger or cruelty towards their kids, so they make sure they're ok before they even think about talking to their kids.

talking will always be their goal, they never want to use threats or punishments to get what they want from their kids, and they have different ways about it. because their kids know how their household works, that things work on their time, and that just being open and honest, they really just need a day or two to themselves, if the reason for arguing isn't time sensitive, and then they can just take it out.

Aegon is sulky, he just closes himself in his room or flees to a friend's house (which they let happen so long as he leaves a note, leaves his location on his phone, and checks in every few hours) if its really bad. he'll drag himself back to the kitchen table in 48 hours tops, wanting nothing more than for his mom and dad to love him again (they never stopped).

Aemond is just frustrated past reason, so he'll go out and fence with his dummy or just something physical, then he's more willing to listen to reason.

Helaena normally had a boundary or nerve pushed, which was normally accidental, either cause she was already frustrated with something or something changed and it just put both parties in bad positions. space is all she needs.

Daeron is a bit of all the above. he's sensitive, though hard to cross, its often more about other things, something his parent did just broke the camels back, so a long run brings everything back to reason.

Alicent and Criston care so much about their kids, every argument they have with their kids, typically one-sided as they refuse to truly yell, breaks their heart whether or not they did anything or not. they never plan to punish their kids for arguing, they were kids once and they know that its good that they feel safe enough to stand up and fight for what they believe to be true, that they feel safe to shout and disagree with them. they would rather that over anything else, cause they know their kids trust them.

while they aren't permissive with their kids, their are rules and hard limits, they don't count arguing as something to be punished, and their kids don't tend to strand into punishable territories. so resolving a fight is a long talk at the kitchen table, no man's land so to speak, where all parties air their grievances. the problem is discussed, apologies are said on all sides, and sometimes it doesn't always end in a hug, but it does end in feelings being soothed and bridges mended. no one walks away with hard feelings.

they're not perfect, but they make it work, and because they've put so much time and effort into making their home safe and sane, the whole family in therapy, making active efforts to be nothing like their first "home" true arguments are far and few between, and when they happen they're equipped to handle it. Alicent and Cole are such good parents, their kids love and trust them, theirs so much space to talk and negotiate and handle issues early on that there typically isn't any reason to fight. I think that's what makes them such a good family, cause its so hard for me to picture them actually fighting outside of petty things.

#I genuinely cannot picture this family fighting #like petty things between the kids or teenage angst hurled at Alicent and Criston that they laugh about a few hours later most definitely #they wouldn't be a family otherwise #but I think that real arguments are rare and I love that for them #definitely strived to find the balance between gentle and authoritative parenting so their kids are well structured #handle all of their problems when they were little and now most issues are easy #cyclebreakers fr fr #they're also all mommy/daddy's girls and boys #all their fights are just big feelings that need to be rode out #Aegon yelling at Criston cause he's young and dumb and hurting cause he got his heart broken at school or cause he had to think about #dead dumb dad and his teenage heart is angry and he needs to put it somewhere? I think yes. I also think he cried in his arms a few hours #later and begged for his dad to love him again. cause they're hopeless #Helaena losing her mind at her parents cause she's just so stressed and everything'd out by the world and they just happened to breathe the #wrong way at dinner? again. I think yes. and she felt so bad afterward and goes on a whole vent about school and people and does some DPT #after letting them both hug her really tight so she could calm down #Aemond getting frustrated cause they're “babying” him over the loss of his eye and just ending up a sobbing screaming mess cause he's just #so mad at the world and he doesn't know what to do with himself #Daeron's head getting too loud so he gets super upset and disregulated and starts yelling in his room. not even at them directly until they #come in. he just loses his shit for a minute until he's tuckered out and then he's a mess in his parents arms #teenage angst is a bitch and the source of everyone's problems #alicole #alicent hightower #criston cole #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen #aemond targaryen #helaena targaryen #daeron targaryen #pro team green #hotd

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