#literally 16 years later and i’m not okay is still on my fucking top songs

[sebrrari]

tagged by @kritischetheologie - post your favorite ten tracks right now/first ten tracks on your on repeat playlist right now!

1. mother mary by foxboro hot tubs

2. paradise lost, a poem by john milton by the used

3. honey oil by aurora view

4. 2022 by l.s. dunes

5. i’m not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance

6. written all over your face by louis tomlinson

7. as it was by harry styles

8. give it up by midtown

9. the calendar hung itself by bright eyes

10. alive with the glory of love by say anything

tagging (no pressure!) @vetterrari @ferrariseb @sunnypogue @cedobols @saintdevote @thermocrying @f1rstyasfk and you, the person reading this that has music taste they want the dash to see 👀

#about the blogger #it’s either guitar warm up or driving music #and s/o to caro for honey oil it’s truly a bop #literally 16 years later and i’m not okay is still on my fucking top songs #lmao i hate it #no i don’t. i love it

[kitsu-katsu]

About revived (by Derivakat)

(Disclaimer: Nothing against Derivakat, I think her songs are amazing in general and she's very talented, I simply have a bone to pick with these lyrics and characterization)

So um, here's my counter to some of the lyrics because fuck it, I'm tired and fueled by spite, let's go:

Let's start with the chorus:

"White streak in my hair but no stress now" - Funnily incorrect, cc!Wilbur confirmed that the white hair is from stress itself, it's not about the revival process alone. Also just by reasoning, I cannot imagine what might have been stressful about spiralling and believing that the world is out to crush you, believing that you're the scum of the Earth as well, only to die, spend 13 and half years in dark isolation and then being jolted back up to life missing huge chunks of information, really cannot fathom how that might be stressful /s

"I've seen hell, but this is a bit more my style" - True you know? It's awesome that he's said that he's over the moon about being alive again after spending 13 and a half years of pure isolation in the dark, screming until his throat was hoarse. But coming from the tone of it, I'd like to point out that Wilbur's also still passively suicidal and self harms (check out the part under "He doesn't love TNT, he self-harms with it" in this post)

"A decade of time to make everything mine" (also counts for "This is my sunrise, this is my dawn, this is what I've waited for all along. All of this time, all this is mine. MINE. MINE. MINE!")- Honestly, based on what he's been doing, no prejudices, forget everything fandom's said: he doesn't really seem to want to "make everything his", does he? This perception mostly comes from him saying "This is my sunrise, this is mine!" in the original revival stream, however, if you forget about common fandom perception, what's so evilly framed about a guy who spent 13 and a half years of isolation in the dark saying "this is my sunrise!" after watching the sun coming up again for the first time since his death, in which he was extremely emotionally unstable? Like for real?

Now onto the verses:

"Am I the bad guy? I'll be the bad guy again" and "I've come back hell-bent" - Now, he has said that: “Here’s the thing, Tommy. I, I, I, I know I was bad, and I know I can redeem myself, but like, you know, there’s a little bit of fun in being bad, you know, we’ve spoken about this.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 11:31, 5th May), BUT, since then he's also expressed genuine remorse for his worse actions during Pogtopia (check out the parts under "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" and "Wilbur cares. A LOT" in this post), a wanting to redeem himself and truly become better and... uh... OH! He's also admitted that he's afraid he scares people and cried when Ranboo said that he was "an alright person". For real, just watch the Healthy Competition stream and read this reddit post by cc!Wilbur

The reddit post in question, just in case:

"You think I cared? It was always a means to an end" - So false. Just... so false. Ok, so quick one, let's review the actual lines said originally about him "not caring for L'manburg" in full:

“Uh, one thing, I didn’t actually really care about L'Manberg, I just cared about, you know, sticking it to the man. Actually, I cared about L'Manberg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 24:18, 5th May)

“Look, I- Okay, I said it wrong. Look, I did care about- I did care about L'Manberg, but I cared about it for- You would call it the wrong reasons, but I, I- Just don’t think about it, don’t think about it too hard. Look, L'Manberg’s gone now, we’ve got that, you know- That, that wart on my side is gone, you know. I salute it, I salute it, you know, it was a great- It was a great place.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 25:18, 5th May)

“Look, Tommy, I’m gonna reiterate for you once more because I don’t think you quite understood, and that’s okay, you know, you don’t need to understand everything. I did care about L'Manberg. I did, I did. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, Tommy. L'Manberg would have been as loved by me had it been called Bimbum and was built in the middle of the desert.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:05, 5th May)

“The actual location, and the actual things it was, it were, were not important to me. It’s the thing it stood for. Which was freedom, liberty, and sticking it to the man, Tommy!” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:26, 5th May)

“We were a family, Tommy. We were…” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 27:26, 5th May)

So as you may see, he retracts himself immediately and explains his feelings with more nuance

Then, let's look at the more recent confession to Ranboo:

“I told Tommy that I didn’t actually care about L'Manberg, and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain like, you know, power and stuff. But it’s not, it’s not true.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:36, 3rd Aug)

“L'Manberg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

“I want it to, em, I want its history to live on not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically just took a big shit on the history books, it feels like. I wanna, I wanna make it, I wanna make it feel like it was, you know, it was something that happened. You know, it was a great thing, you know, think of the good times. The- The years of safety. Well, not years, but you know.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

If this got more explicit I'd be literally hitting you over the head with it. Anyway, check out the parts under "Wilbur cared. A LOT" and "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with" in this post

"So who cares? So what? I'm not calming down" and "Shut up! And listen" - “Tommy, shut up! I mean, Tommy, come over here. Tommy, come over here, come over here, man. It’s cool, it’s cool, it’s cool. Sorry, I, I-” (Alivebur)

– (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 26:08, 31st May)

That line's totality gets often cut down, erasing the immediate apology after the loss of cool. Furthermore, I'd argue that him "not calming down" in general is mainly due to his euphoria and overexcitement during certain scenes where it makes complete sense for him to be feeling like that, and in a broader sense, he has a tendency to say things in the heat of the moment and out of impulsivity that he turns to later regret from all the way back at Pogtopia. Him not calming down now is either out of impulsivity or outright euphoria to be out of limbo, not necessarily an evil thing. And when he percieves he should calm down, he tries his best to do it, or apologizes for snapping

“I’m sorry I wasn’t, you know, entirely on the same page. But, man, I promise you, I’ve calmed down, you know, I’m all, I’m all settled in. I understand, you know, what’s changed, what hasn’t, who’s new, who’s old, you know, who’s still about, you know, who… Who, uh… uh… Who trusts me and stuff.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 15:04, 3rd Aug)

“I relived that explosion in my head so many times man. And, and, and I- I get that you don’t, you don’t trust me, I do, but like, man, look at me, bro, I’m not gonna do it again. I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna hurt you again.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 21:21, 3rd Aug)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times" and "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized" in this post)

"There's nothing wrong with me" - BUDDY. Wilbur drowns in self-hatred, what are you talking about? The man got caught off guard and cried when someone said "you're an alright person"... He's worried that he scares people, he knows how others see him on top of his own self-hatred

“TommyInnit, as you know, is just, he thinks I’m insane. I’m not insane, chat, I’m not insane.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 4:30, 16th Oct)

“See, I’m not so crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 16:40, 16th Oct)

“I’ve told you, I’m not crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing, and this is genuinely the best thing we could do right now.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 17:18, 16th Oct)

“I’m not crazy! How am I crazy?!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 43:18, 17th Oct)

“Everyone I seem to meet has this deep intrisnic feeling of disgust towards me. Jack Manifold seemed to be quite nice to me, but I reckon he, I could feel it, you know, in his stare. But like, you don’t have that. I can tell you’re a good guy.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 30:24, 5th May)

“Quackity, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ll be honest you with you, I’ve lost everything, man. I, um. I’ve lost decades of my life. I’ve lost my- most of the people who cared about me. Some people don’t even know I’m back yet, and I, and I think that’s probably for the best. So I feel like that does humble a man. That really humbles a man, you know?” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 1:00:52, 31st May)

“Listen, Phil, I met, I met Quackity. After you very kindly lent me your house. I went and met him. Yeah! I met up with him, and I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was, I’m gonna say it, it was nice. It was a nice time. I- I- It felt good, it felt, uh, you know, he didn’t, he didn’t seem afraid of me, which is cool.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 7:38, 25th July)

“Not many people do. I mean, Phil, you don’t seem afraid of me, you’re not afraid of me, are you, Phil?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:03, 25th July)

“Good, good. 'Cause I’m not afraid of you.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:10, 25th July)

“Why? Why? … No, no, no, no, no, not the, not the bit about the, not the bit about the right foot, the why don’t you think I’m a bad person?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 35:13, 25th July)

“Can I be real with you, man? I think I scare people.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:30, 25th July)

“I mean, like I, I, I, I don’t think I, I- I think a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them, you know? Like they’ve seen what I can do, and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:46, 25th July)

“Dream is- He’s had his comeuppance, and I have not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for this people. They’re just waiting, they’re waiting for the next thing for me to slip up on, and, Ranboo, I’m not gonna fucking slip up, Ranboo. I’m different.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:07, 25th July)

“I’m living in eternal limbo, again. I’ve been through limbo, I’m out of limbo, and socially, I’m still in this limbo.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:36, 25th July)

(Check out the parts under "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character" and "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character" in this post)

"Oh yes, I blew up the nation!" (said with glee) - I make a point of the tone in this specific line, because I could make a point of the tone in the whole song, but this line is a good example. He didn't blow up L'manburg just with glee like "hell yeah! I did it!". Of course he talks about it with pride sometimes, but it's usually either said in the middle of the same impulsive moments in which he'd claim he doesn't care, said with relief of him having control over at least that situation (like him sighing right after doing it just to ask Phil to finish it off by killing him), or said with the same deflection with which he'd claim that not having a grave didn't affect him and was badass actually since he only wanted it for the hateful obituaries anyway (which was a lie, and he admitted it on the third of august stream when saying "I was so pressed about not having a grave" in case you had doubts)

Finally, I want to make emphasis on the fact that: The explosion on the 16th had two main drives behind it and they often get glossed over. The first objectivee was blowing it up and causing just enough destruction to get L'manburg back (You know, when Wilbur still had some kind of hope). After his spiral went further and his paranoia and self-loathing worsened, his two drives become apparent: First was blowing it up to rid the world of the twisted thing L'manburg became, ridding the world of what the twisted version of his ideals became with Schlatt in control of them. Secondly, he wanted to end L'manburg as a part of himself and rid the world of himself completely (by this I'm referencing his suicide), he decided he wanted to die and expected that as a result since a lot of time before the 16th. The explosion was effectively a bigger projection of his suicide, rid the world of both himself and his creation, mixed with his constant desire to protect, it also becomes "rid the world of the corrupted version of L'manburg that became Manburg", because for all intents and purposes, since the important thing about L'manburg was its founding ideals, L'manburg had been dead for a long time at that point.

“Yesterday I had the perfect opportunity to blow everything up and finally end it, you know. I had the perfect opportunity to finally blow up everything and end it and just completely save everyone, right, from the tyranny of Schlatt and the tyranny of the existence of Manberg and L’Manberg, right.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 25:17, 17th Oct)

“Explain it to me! Give me a reason! Give me a reason!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:50, 17th Oct)

“Who else is it gonna hurt?! It’s gonna hurt Schlatt, Manberg, and-” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:55, 17th Oct)

“Why did I bring- I should have just done it. I’m such a fucking showman. I should have just done it.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:18, 17th Oct)

“No you two can escape, I’ll be the… I’ll- I’ll- I’ll be… I’ll be trapped in here…” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:27, 17th Oct)

“I just- I just want to f… I just wanna end it, I wanna end it. I wanna press that button, man.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 28:08, 17th Oct)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times", "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with", and "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" in this post)

#tw self harm mention #tw suicide mention #wilbur #wilbur soot #c!wilbur #wilbur dsmp #revived #revivedbur #alivebur #revived wilbur #derivakat revived #fandom critical #dsmp #dream smp #analysis #c!wilbur analysis

[wormsound]

THOUGHTS ON NIE MINGJUE

HHHHHHHH OKAY NIE MINGJUE I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS ON NIE MINGJUE! most of them are just I LOVE HIM and he deserved BETTER and the rest of them is just kind of incoherent screaming in my brain BUT I shall try 2 make words out of them

OKAY SO tbh I don’t know when my brain decided to get on the love for da-ge train but it did and oh boy it’s not getting off any time soon. I think I watched fatal journey and vaguely considered nielan for A Bit Too Long one time and now I’m just kinda stuck here. 

I honestly didn’t really give Nie Mingjue that much thought at all until I watched fatal journey and then the thoughts came through with reckless abandon. in fatal journey you certainly see NMJ in a very different light compared to what you see in CQL. you see his raw emotion and his thought process, his tactics as a leader and first and foremost you see how he functions as an elder brother. BUT this is bearing in mind all of this is while he is heavily under the influence of Jin Guangyao’s version of the song of clarity. you see much more of how much JGY’s remix is actually changing him and how different he has become in comparison to the Nie Mingjue you see in the earlier episodes of CQL. it is much clearer that it wasn’t just enhancing the resentment of the sword spirit within him. it was enhancing every little feeling and emotion tenfold.

you see this probably the most clearly with the different way he interacts with Nie Huaisang from the start of CQL to the start of fatal journey. when you’re first introduced to NMJ in CQL you see that he is annoyed and frustrated at NHS when he finally returns from galivanting around with WWX, yet it is no more than a sharp look and a sigh, mostly coming from the worry that NHS didn’t come straight home when he said he would. when Nie Huaisang’s actions frustrate him again at the start of fatal journey (when under the influence of the JGY remix) he lashes out at NHS so much that he nearly physically hurts him. of course, he never does because he cares for him so much and not matter how much the song of clarity enhances his rage and frustration, it also enhances how much he would never want to hurt his little brother and its why he never does, because he can’t. when he’s almost completely taken over by it and kills Zonghui and the rest of the disciples, he can’t hurt Huaisang. and even when he is dying he can still fight through it when he sees his little brother. 

NMJ is fiercely protective of his loved ones and his little brother is clearly at the top of that list. I’m pretty sure that his overprotectiveness - particularly for Nie Huaisang - stemmed from his father’s death. when his father received a severe injury from taking NMJ on a night hunt and later died as a result, it left Nie Mingjue - only a teenager – with the responsibility to step up as sect leader, to raise his little brother and to carry the burden of the soul spirit and the curse of the Nie sect. all this as well is weighed down by the fact that NMJ would undoubtedly blame himself for his father’s death and the fact that he was unable to prevent it. this is what shapes him into a strong willed and determined sect leader, strict with rules and discipline. he uses the guilt he feels over his father’s death and channels in into running the Nie sect. determined to keep the Nie sect as strong as possible, he follows the same routes his father and ancestors did; running it in a military like style and continuing to allow sacrifices to be made to the sword spirit. Nie Mingjue knows what his sword spirit will eventually do to him, that he will not be around to pass it on to another generation and the fate will befall to his younger brother. so, when it comes to Nie Huaisang, all NMJ wants for him is to do well within the cultivation world, for him to be able to grow into a strong sect leader in the way he knows he himself will never live to become. he is strict with him because he wants his little brother to be able to be strong enough to never have to burden himself with the sword spirit. and it’s the knowledge that one day NHS may have to that ignites his frustration with him when Nie Huaisang shows so little interest in following in what he wants for him. because all he ever wants is for Nie Huaisang to be able to do better than he has done in his life. he wants to be able to always protect him and it kills him that he will one day be no longer able to do that. so, when Nie Mingjue is dying, when he is qi deviating, the need to protect his little brother is still there, in fact it so strong that it breaks through everything else. the need for NMJ to still be there to protect NHS is stronger than his rage and hate for JGY. in that moment, if JGY hadn’t intervened further NMJ could have most likely been pulled back from that edge. Jin Guangyao pulled every string in NMJ’s brain and increased every little thing he was feeling until he was nothing but a ball of rage and hurt and sadness and a tremendous amount of love and protection for his brother and the others he cared about. it’s why in the end, it didn’t work. JGY still had to have Xue yang cut NMJ’s head off to kill him. he never considered the other parts of Nie Mingjue he was changing when he put his little plan into action, the things that would still anchor him down and keep him human. and in the end, his cruel way of revenge and killing NMJ for his own gain ultimately backfired on him and led him to his own downfall.

what hurts so fucking much about what JGY did to NMJ is that it wouldn’t have worked it NMJ didn’t let it. obviously he had no idea what JGY was doing to him but he allowed him to be close enough for it to work. ultimately NMJ tried to work with JGY as best he could. he was devastated abt what meng yao did and that he had to banish him. he still worries about what became of him after he left and inquires after his wellbeing when he thinks he went to Jinlintai. his true distrust in JGY only starts – quite rightly so - after the events during the Sunshot campaign. and imagine how NMJ must have felt when he saw what JGY was capable of during Sunshot? NMJ saw meng yao, an outcast bullied by his peers and degraded for his parentage. so, he gave him a chance, stood up for him when everyone else was kicking him (literally) to the curb. all JGY wanted was the recognition of his father and NMJ figured he deserved the chance to get that. he built him up and gave him a strong position of power, even wrote to Jin Guangshan to persuade him to recognise his son. but then when JGY turns around and abuses that power he gives him and uses it to get away with literal murder and to crawl his way up the ranks, NMJ would’ve felt responsible for JGY actions because he was the one who enabled him to be in that position in the first place. NMJ had very strong, very rightful doubts about JGY after he killed his captain and his disciples during Sunshot, yet he cared about him in the past and he saw that some of JGY’s actions benefitted the good, and he saw how much trust LXC has in him and he allowed it to sway his gut feelings. you can see as they become sworn brothers that the distrust is still there quite strongly so I like to think that initially NMJ agreed to become sworn brothers with JGY as a way of “keeping the enemy close”. he would’ve wanted to keep a close eye on him, protect LXC if necessary, and partly because he still wanted to see if the good he once saw in him was still there. he wanted to believe that he was wrong and that JGY wasn’t lying. LXC suggested the sworn brotherhood as a way to build a bridge between NMJ and JGY, and honestly? it worked. but only on one half. and that half is Nie Mingjue, not Jin Guangyao.

in order for NMJ to let JGY play him the song of clarity in the first place, the trust he originally lost in him, he must have started to regain again over the years as his sworn brother. he would’ve seen JGY do good work and rise up the ranks, step ‘humbly’ into Jin Zixuan’s place and he would’ve seen how much trust LXC had in JGY. each little thing lessened that distrust to the extent he allowed JGY to know of how the sword spirit resentment affected him, and to trust him enough to let him try heal him. his distrust in JGY clearly never went away completely, but during those 16 years, NMJ trusted him enough to put his life in JGY’s hands and ultimately paid the price for it. 

but this is where I think Jin Guangyao went wrong. he never saw past the rage and distrust NMJ had in him at the start and instead used it as another excuse for his actions. he never considered the fact in allowing JGY to get so close that he could try kill him in such a way, that that was the very reason not to. and even if he did realise that NMJ trusted him again, he was too far in his grab for power to stop. instead, Jin Guangyao took the small amount of distrust that NMJ still had in him, and then increased it and made him feel it ten times worse over and over and over, until NMJ finally snapped with him. JGY made NMJ resentment for him ten times worse for himself to finally give him more means to justify killing him than it simply being that NMJ stood in the way when it came to his grasp for power. but in the end, all JGY was doing was sowing the seeds of his own destruction.

putting aside all the depressing plot stuff for a minute bc if I think abt it any harder for any longer I think I’m gonna combust SO I’m gonna jump back to just how much I LOVE HIM and I just DO I don’t fucking know why, I suppose I have a lil bit of a thing for tragedy and oh boy is the life of Nie Mingjue a tragedy, and I guess I have a soft spot for the “guy with a tough exterior is in reality really soft and goofy around those he loves and cares abt” trope. I guess what I also love abt him is that not many people see it. yes, he has an incredibly tough exterior that many people find it difficult to see past, but NMJ is soft, he is kind and he cares so very deeply about the people he loves. you see him so different once you go back and watch CQL from the beginning knowing the plot and having seen NMJ screaming and sobbing in his brother’s arms, his death looming ever so close on the horizon. You can see past his exterior and realise that he isn’t just Nie Huaisang’s angry older brother. you see him kind and eager and teasing with Lan Xichen and what can be first seen as anger with NHS is really just worry. and… it just makes everything just so much more heart-breaking. Because you realise what’s going to happen to him, what he is going to go through and you realise just how much he never fucking deserved it.

and now I’m very sad and feel like I should go write smthn abt him retiring with LXC and taking up beekeeping or smthn idk I just want him to be HAPPY :( 

i probs could write more but im not gonna bc yikes this got long and probably is just still a bunch of incoherent rambling if it feels like there’s stuff missing there probably is my brain has the thoughts lmao it just doesnt have the capacity to realise what they are and get them written down SO 

tldr;

NIE MINGJUE IS SOFT AND KIND AND CARES ABT EVERYONE HE LOVES SO GODDAMN MUCH AND HE REALLY FUCKING DIDN’T DESERVE WHAT HE GOT

#THIS GOT VERY LONG IM SORRY FOR MAKING U HAVE TO READ WORDS #I HAD TO MAKE MY THOUGHTS SEEM COHERENT LETS IGNORE HOW LONG THAT TOOK #nie mingjue #the untamed #is this meta? do i tag it a such? whomst knows #anyway #the untamed meta #answered #evenshands #nielan #*mine

[allkinds-oftrash]

Ya girl is watching the latest HSM series ep and Imma live blog it hshshs and will add my reactions under the cut so it doesn't end up a long post. Anyways, let's goo:

AHHHH THE MORNING SHOW WITH GINA AND EJ WE LOVE TO SEE IT

They really said we're gonna let life imitate art with Nini and Olivia huh

Ricky was SUPPORTIVE??? Damnn I really thought we gonna get a classic Ricky tantrum....

But also wow sir that sounds salty and should definitely talk to someone abt how you're feeling...A therapist maybe 👀

I know we needed to contextualise how Ricky felt abt the song but I really wanted to see Nini's interview in full!!

Sebby you're so cute I do wanna see yall do DEH

Shjshshs not the rights not being available for another 5 years 😭😭

I dunno how they're in great shape and closer to the Menkies Gold after not having a single proper rehearsal, but go off Miss Jenn

Omg honestly Kourt's costumes are always amazing and on point Imma excited to see it

Kourt is such a simp we love to see it

Carlos is so pissy this episode we love to see it shshhs

Also love the way Seb calms him down and keeps him nice it's such a funny dynamic

"We had 20 people make our Belle dress over 50 hours" Okay North High shut the fuck up

I'm calling it now the reason North High knows so much is cos Howie is the leak and Kourt has been unwittingly telling him. The way her phone keeps going off as they discuss how North High knows everything is really good foreshadowing if my prediction is right

Also like her phone went off just as Carlos said "How did they know that?" THAT'S PEAK FORESHADOWING

If Howie ain't in North High, I dunno what Tim is doing

GSJAGSHAH KOURTNEY MAKING ABS FOR EJ I CANNOT

"I have abs" We know sweetie

"I PADDED THE THUSH FOR YOU" "AWW THANKS KOURT I NEEDED THAT" THIS INTERACTION IS EVERYTHING THAT WAS SO FUNNY!! I love that it is now canon that EJ has abs but no butt love that for him

Okay but like damn these costumes are great!! North High can fuck right off with its high end ones I just wanna see lowkey homemade costumes by students; I'd watch a Broadway show if I wanted to see professional costumes okay

Damn Carlos has killer eyesight clocking in that mask in the trunk

GINA BBY DON'T SAY THAT AND HAHSGSH NINI NUDGING HER WAS SO FUNNY

Nini's little look over at Gina was like "Omg you guys my girlfriend is so cute and dumb" GINI STANS HOW WE FEELING?

Miss Jenn don't be that naive, your boyfriend probably put them up to it

That Insta page is prophetic with their timing tbh; all the info is a leak obviously looking at your Howie but like the timing of it all. Those kiddos don't know that they are discussing the stolen mask at this exact moment (Kourt has put down her phone after Carlos snapped at her so Howie doesn't know they are talking abt it rn)

"We don't dance with the enemy" *cuts to her dancing with Zackey later*

SEBBY WEARING THE TEACUP COSTUME OMG HE'S GOING MAKE SUCH A CUTE CHIP (yes I am still mad Seb/Joe was robbed but Imma fangirl over the costume anyway)

Wtf why does North High look so expensive - they are literally in the same district as East High right??? How did they get this much funding

North High is a very artsy and rich for a public school; they should have had Nini go here instead of YAC tbh (like this campus feels like what YAC should have been) NOW THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN INTERESTING STORYLINE

Seblos' dynamic IS ON POINT THIS EP I really love my bois so much and their back and forth is hilarious

Shhshs DIANE who loves volleyball and North High okay I totally believe it

WHY ARE RED AND ASHLYN SO KINKY EVERY DAMN EPISODE TIM THESE ARE UNDERAGED CHARACTERS STOP IT

Shshsh we love Gina knowing herself and practicing self control by volunteering to be the lookout

Omg yall listen to Carlos and stfu they are so lucky no one saw or heard them yelling Wildcats

Oh no no no no no Miss Jenn you gonna get sucked in; this is gonna be so messy

Omg I saw someone post about this scene before I watched the ep YALL ARE RIGHT THAT BOI HITTING ON GINA IS SO FINE Babes go for that one, not EJ

NOT THEM FAKE DATING UGH E W TIM STOP MAKING ROMANTIC PORTWELL A T H I N G I honestly do not understand how some of yall can ship it romantically knowing Sofia is a whole underaged babey and Matty is a whole ass grown man - like I get the appeal of the Wonderstudies getting together and they do have chemistry but the irl age gap is creepy and outweighs the appeal of shipping them romantically

As I always say; Portwell/Wonderstudies should be a BROTP not an OTP

Ugh Brotp Portwell would have clocked Lily right away; romantic Portwell making googly eyes at each other isn't helping anyone

Living for Nini getting the recognition she deserves - I really like her solo arc this season she's so much more interesting without Ricky tbh

Aww Kourt you simp I love her and I'm so happy she's happy I wanna be wrong about Howie being a North High kid

Where is the mask??

OHMYGOD THESE KIDS COMING IN LIKE A HORROR MOVIE

Lily really wishes she was Jesse St. James huh; you could never Lily so stop

Andrew Barth Feldman and his cute little French accent I love him so much

Hnng Miss Jenn gonna get manipulated by this hoe. Omg wowow Zackey really is a hoe, making out with another girl before the show THE AUDACITY OF HIM SAYING MISS JENN WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH I WILL THROW HANDS WITH THIS MOFO

Wait the kids didn't steal it BUT WHAT IF ZACKEY DID

Ssjsgfajhdfg I CANNOT WITH ANDREW'S ACCENT but I can't tell if its really bad or really good but I'm also confused why didn't they just cast a French person as Antonie shshhs Antoine is adorableee and a little shit the best type of character

Lily is so annoying b y e sis bye and Olivia Keegan is talented I just wish they didn't make her character such a cartoony villain type

"How about if we bop to the top" SEBBY I LOVE YOU AND NEVER STOP BEING SO CUTE I SWEAR and Awww Carlos called him Honey I am s o f t

Hnng why do these fools are really gonna give into North High calling them chickens

OHHH NO SHE DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT ABOUT ASHLYN FUCK A DANCE OFF I AM ABOUT TO THROW HANDS WITH A 16 YEAR OLD

"She told us not to dance with the enemy. She's better than this" No Sebby, she's not *cuts to her dancing with Zackey* AND OMG THE WAY I SAW THIS EDIT COMING BEFORE IT CAME

Ooooh I like this song wayyy more whatever the mess The Mob Song became (when I first heard it drop on Spotify yesterday) Around You is such a great song musically and lyrically very relevant to these two and gosh I love their voices together

They have so much chemistry damn, go home Mike (well he technically has oop) and Mr. Mazzara

YES YOU DO MISS JENN YOU ALWAYS HAD IT

Oh god this is the scene from the trailer; she's gonna make a move on Ricky isn't she?? Leave him alone Lily he doesn't need a 3rd girl to be confused about he needs a therapist

Lily shut the fuck up with quasi; STOP TRYING TO MAKE QUASI HAPPEN

"I love Nini's song" Sure, Jan.

...Okay yes you should have called him out but don't bait him LIKE THAT oop there's the scene from the trailer

Ohmygod is Andrew Barth Feldman gonna hit on Ashlyn

Okay this is so cute but also I am VERY annoyed with the way this show handles its characters like they aren't relevant or important unless they get into a relationship or a love triangle?? That's such a shitty way to give out screentime and arcs to characters. Is it not enough to develop the characters on their own and strengthen their friendship???

HUH TIM why you so obsessed with compulsory heterosexuality??(well also homosexuality for Seblos but they are the only ones I'm not annoyed with their relationship cos its a hella big step for Disney to have a gay couple and their relationship isn't in our faces or overshadows the plot and its just spinkles of cuteness every time they interact - they are honestly who Rini wishes they were; besties in love. They are a couple that Tim should be taking notes from; leave the relationship drama in the background, focus on the theatre and friendship aspect of everything)

My mini rant aside; this is a very adorable interaction between Ashlyn and Antoine.

"TOM HOLLAND ON STILTS" GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT COMPARISON I AM SCREAMING ANTOINE THAT'S SO FUNNY

This is so funny he keeps picking out the hottest guys of the group; as if he himself isn't the French version of Big Red they look super alike ngl shshsh

WHY YOU RUIN IT WITH THAT ANTOINE I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU

Drama between Antoine and Red is already spicing up shshsh I cannot

Why are you so dramatic with the shuffle Lily gtfo of here...also this doesn't make sense?? She wasn't even on a BATB playlist; what if a non BATB song came on ahahah

Good to know they aren't big fans of The Mob Song like I am Awww EJ you cutie, okay I will appreciate the OG Mob Song just for you

OH WAIT HE PROLLY LIKES IT COS ITS A GASTON LED SONG TIM GIMME THE EJ SOLO I DESERVE IN THIS NUMBER

I'm being robbed of Gaston for the last 7 eps I at least deserve an EJ solo for compensation

The way the set looks straight out of Broadway but also like omg the blue lighting and fancy stage gave me intense flashbacks to that Glee episode where Vocal Adrenaline sang Bohemian Rhapsody

RICKY STOP BEING SALTY AND ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

OMG THE SUBTITLES SAID ITS HOWIE SINGING AS THE BEAST I FUCKING CALLED IT

Howie you hoe you gonna break my girl Kourtney's heart

Yeah...still not a fan of Antoine's Dance Remix

Yall know Gina would kill the dance number if she wasn't wearing that fit

Okay but it's Gaston led song WHY DOES EVERYONE BUT EJ HAVE A SOLO IN THIS SONG??

First the Beasts led it (Howie sounded better than Ricky ngl), then the Lumieres (their voices worked hella well together; I always forget what a talented singer Frankie is THEY NEED TO GIVE HIM A SOLO SONG) and now the Belles are going at it (Ashlyn's voice is superior)

BIG RED BEING JEALOUS AND SALTY IS SO FUNNY ITS LIKE A PUPPY BEING ANGRY I CRI

...Did anyone really win, Lily??? STFU

CARLOS IS RIGHT AND HE SHOULD SAY IT

Oooh I did see someone talk about this when the Rose Song dropped last week, apparently its illegal to add songs to a musical you're doing for a school play; I really thought the show would brush past that irl rule but I guess they are playing into it

THE WAY EVERYONE TURNED TO EJ FOR THE SPORTS METAPHOR I AM D Y I N G AND HIS FACE WAS GOLDEN! ITS LIKE THAT LISA SIMPSON MEME SHHSHSH

Okay Nini is being a little pissy about leaving her song out of the show and its a little selfish to wanna keep it at the risk of being disqualified but I also understand why she's hurt

Everyone is dog piling on her right now being against her idea and it feels like they are being against her song and her herself instead of them not wanting to be disqualified. Also like she poured her heart and soul into the song after Miss Jenn lowkey rushed her to write it. So I can see why this feels like a rejection of her and her song and why she's so hurt rather than her seeing the big picture right now

It doesn't help that Ricky said the final blow causing her to walk off

Okay maybe Zackey gets some rights for being chill and wanting the kids to be peers

THIS MOTHERFUCKER I KNEW HE WAS SHADY Also the way I gasped even though I predicted he stole the mask halfway through this ep shshsh

Stab him Miss Jenn STAB HIM

Bitch why you so threatened by East High if yall have such a Broadway-esque show planned??? They honestly should have stuck to the Little Mermaid; I really wanted to see the aquarium

"It's just a song Ricky" "A song can mean everything" Do you get deja vu? Anyone else getting intense flashbacks to Jan when DL first dropped and all the drama happened 👀

YES PLEASE STAY CO ANCHORS Gosh I love them so much esp once you take the romantic connotations out of their interactions

ROUGE GRAND I'M SCREAMING

I love this long take of checking in with everyone's relationship status (still hate how romantically focused this show has become but still a cool shot)

I K N E W IT I WAS RIGHT

Okay but like looking at Kourtney's face I have never wanted to be wrong so bad GOD I HATE IT HERE I really think he likes her and I hope they work it out

Nini setting up her own music acc feels like when Olivia rebranded her whole IG to be just for her music stuff - love this for both of them

AHHHHH SHE'S NINA NOW YALL

I know everyone loves her as Nini but like I have always loved the name Nina and it really suits her to be honest also shows how she's growing up now and kind of leans into the lyric "I won't be confined to your point of view" from The Rose Song because Nini is the nickname Ricky gave her so it shows that she's outgrowing him too and I love that for her!

Overall thoughts; they really crammed all the North High drama into one ep huh. Personally would have liked it if all of this was spread out throughout the last few episodes; like different hijinks for every episode. I'm just a big fan of properly setting up the overall arc over the season instead of patching it together closer to the climax/end of the show. Cos now it lowkey feels like two different seasons - 2A felt like The Rini/Rina Show esp with YAC storyline and whatever was going on with Rina and now 2B is finally feeling like what this season should have been all this time

#hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts #hsmtmts spoilers #nina salazar roberts #gina porter #EJ Caswell #Ricky Bowen #Kourtney Green #Ashlyn Caswell #Seb Matthew Smith #carlos rodriguez #Big Red

[radramblog]

Album Discussion: The Suburbs

Last week I felt like I didn’t have much time to pump an album review out. Was going to be in the lab all day, had work in the night, wanted to cover something quick. Then I finished really early, and had plenty of time in the afternoon to finish things off. This week I am in the same situation as far as scheduling, but someone’s bloody using equipment I need, so I’ve got a bit of extra time now. Time to talk about a >1hr 16 track record!

Also last week, I covered an album that I felt was more interesting from a meta level than it is musically. This week I’m talking about an album that I know nothing of the meta for.

The Suburbs I was reminded of recently. Mostly because I ran into the person who bought me the CD for the first time in like a year. I understand Arcade Fire have A Reputation as far as bands go, but the thing is: I have no idea what it is. I haven’t followed them at all, I don’t know whether they’re considered good or not, I haven’t even seen any of the music videos. I have never deliberately listened to an Arcade Fire song outside of this album.

But I do like this album. So.

Okay the one thing I do know is what the album is about. It’s about growing up in the suburbs of…I think Texas somewhere. I could look this up, but I refuse. The result of this is that the whole thing is intensely nostalgic, full of reminiscence and wistfulness, childhood innocence and what growing up is like. It’s one of those, you know? That does, however, make it fairly easy to like, because I think a lot of people are nostalgic for their childhoods.

(yeah so the only music videos for this one are at the very start and very end. this is going to be a bit of a wall of words.)

This is characterised by the opening track, which is also the album’s title track: The Suburbs. It’s opening with a very folksy acoustic guitar and piano, and longing for that childhood is its modus operandi. It is, however, tinged by the anxieties of that era- growing up in the shadow of the cold war is going to leave an impact on anyone, and that cultural climate is also going to be running through the album. I think the most poignant section of the song lyrically is the start of the third verse- wishing to become a parent, so they can live vicariously through their child, show them their childhood world before the reality and the memory are completely lost. Okay that’s kinda heavy moving on- the track is pretty much built around that piano/acoustic bit, sounding relatively upbeat but coloured by these lonesome strings running through the background. It’s very effective of conveying the feeling- which is something that comes up quite a bit over the course of the album. The Suburbs is one of my favourite tracks on this album, and having it come right at the front makes it a very solid stage-setter.

Track two is Ready to Start, a faster, rockier track with this grimy bassline running through the verses contrasting the relatively bright instrumentation of the chorus. Considering the themes of the song, about working for the man, dude, and trying to escape that sort of life, it’s fairly fitting, though it’s a very different sort of nostalgia than the previous track. The instrumentation gives the whole thing this sense urgency, which is enhanced by some of the lyrics- I mean the track is called Ready to Start, isn’t it. I feel like this song would be great to try and hype yourself up for something you don’t really want to do, and I’m not sure how many songs we have specifically for that feeling.

Our next song is called Modern Man, and it feels like tumbling through a confusing life. God, I’m really getting pensive today. I feel like this is a lot because this album resonates a lot more emotionally for me than musically. I’m someone with a very weird sense of nostalgia, seeing as my childhood is pretty effectively defined into three segments, and I tend to fixate on one of them because it’s The Weird One. I’m nostalgic for high school which is when I was nostalgic for living abroad which is when I was nostalgic for when I still lived in Perth, which I do now, but I don’t know anyone from back then, so there’s a whole sense of longing, and it’s something I’ve always had, and that’s funky. And I’m still young, this isn’t going to change, it’s going to get worse, and eghhhh I’m supposed to be talking about music. I don’t really have much to say about Modern Man, I guess. It’s aight, the previous two were better, but here I am 800 words into an album discussion, and I’ve gone through all of 3 songs on a 16 track album, so maybe expect this to be a slog.

Rococo at least makes an impact real quick, with fuckin psychotic strings right at the start that’s kind of a shock to the system, especially compared to the relatively mild instrumentation the rest of the song provides. I think that’s a fairly appropriate tone for a song about looking at #thecoolkids, bemusement tinged with utter stark bewilderment. I think I’m too young to really get this, I guess. The song’s title regards an art movement that sounds extremely pretentious and fake deep, frankly, but considering the point of the song is that you don’t bloody know what Rococo means, that’s probably also fitting. I kinda wish the strings were more present throughout the song than they were, they add this existential dread to the track that I do think the later sections are missing somewhat.

Speaking of strings, Empty Room is up next, and it’s one of my favourite tracks as well. It opens with the strings but they’re fast and energetic and they’re going to blow right past you. I thought this track was in like the second half of the album, but nope, here it is. This is also where the album’s second vocalist takes the lead for a bit (she only does for like 3 scattered tracks) and she’s genuinely great here. The songs chugs like an old train, in a way that reminds me a lot of other songs; in particular, the bit between the chorus and second verse (and chorus/outro) reminds me a lot of Teach me About Dying by Holy Holy- I can’t unhear “teach me about dying, teach me about dying-dying” over that instrumental. Despite its desolate lyricism, this song’s energy is genuinely excellent, and it carries really well through the whole thing. I can’t think of a lot of songs that start on this sort of tempo and have it run the whole way through- not to keep referencing other songs, but it’s very Go with the Flow by Queens of the Stone Age. And that’s like in the top 3 QotSA songs for me, so.

It’s only just struck me how much track 6, City With no Children, reminds me of There There by Radiohead. Its mostly the percussion, I think. That’s fucking high praise, but it’s also about as far as the comparison goes. The song is pretty okay outside of that, this theme of a town left lifeless by the commercialism and capitalism of the ultra-rich and what that does to people. Maybe that’s just my reading of it, I do have a bias for this sort of thing, but I challenge you to find another one. Looking on Genius is cheating. I do like the riff the track is built around, but it gets old eventually, since it doesn’t develop at all as the track progresses- lost potential, I suppose.

The next song is the first part of the album��s first of two two-parters, Half Light I, because apparently this one is trying to be a long-running drama show now. With that said, this ballad is kinda gorgeous, and yet also kinda extremely boring? Which is a frustrating place to be, frankly. I get the feeling this is an opinion that would get me crucified, but aside from those strings what fuck, the song just isn’t doing anything for me. Maybe it’s because it’s kinda almost the halfway point and I’m just getting tired, maybe it’s just a generational and cultural divide between America/Australia and 90s-00s/00s-10s and I don’t Get It. But I’m afraid to say this one doesn’t land.

Half Light II (No Celebration), for the record, is one I enjoy much more. The instrumentation is a lot more fun, the tone is a lot more pained (and y’all know I love me some angst), as the rose-tinted lenses of the previous half are replaced by the jade of someone growing up through the GFC (and just, in general). Despite being a two-part song, the halves are very different, a deliberate dichotomy representing two facets of that same look backwards. I feel like this isn’t like other two-part songs I’ve heard before, in that you can kinda appreciate the halves separately- or, in my case, one and not the other.

Track 9, and welcome more officially to the Second Half, with Suburban War. It’s very much about reminiscing about old friends, and I think I’m going to wax personal for a bit, because I have very little to say about the song musically. I mentioned earlier that I basically don’t know anyone from back when I was a kid, and that’s kind of a product of what my childhood looked like. It’s hard to have a “childhood friend” that you still keep up with when you spend 5 extremely crucial, defining years somewhere away from where all of them are. When you leave at 7 years old and don’t come back until you’re almost a teenager. People change so quickly at that age, and I’m no exception, and so I just didn’t have the ability to relate to those same people that long afterwards, even if I could find them. I don’t resent the experience of growing up in such a fractured manner, but it means I have a fundamentally different experience to that discussed in this album. At the same time, as I listen to the closing moments of this song, with the line repeated, “All my old friends, they don’t know me now”, I can’t help but notice the similarity. The writer’s friends don’t know them because they’ve grown up, changed fundamentally as people, whereas I don’t know my old friends in a much more literal sense.

Our next song is a bit more fun. Month of May is unequivocally a rock song, as opposed to the..indie? folk? of most of its surrounds. Much like Empty Room, it’s driven by its tempo and instrumentation, but it’s a bit less dour than that one, almost a bit oldie in its rock and roll swagger. The song isn’t so utterly different that it wouldn’t fit on the album, the traces of The Suburbs still roll through the whole thing, the same guitar and percussion tones driven up a couple notches on the ol’ Mohs scale. Quite solid, ultimately, in my opinion.

Track 11 is Wasted Hours. I think it’s a kind of appropriate title, not because it’s a waste of time, but because it just kinda feels like a nothing song as part of the album. Like, it is unquestionably Part Of The Album, sonically and thematically, but I deadass would not notice if it was missing from the record. Sorry if this one is your favourite, but this one isn’t for me.

Deep Blue, on the other hand, is the song that got me into the album. There’s really something about this track, this sense of discomfort with the passage of time, that really wormed its way into me. It’s a shockingly cold song for this acoustic instrumentation that’s usually associated with quite the opposite. The piano feels desperate, the guitars grim, and there’s actual synths hiding in here- the song relates to technology, after all. It’s concern for the future of humanity, of the youth, and for, well, the Suburbs, through the lens of watching that match between chess Grandmaster Kasparov and the A.I. Deep Blue in 1996. Go watch the Down the Rabbit Hole on that if you haven’t already (and have a few hours), by the way, it’s utterly excellent.

I can’t really describe how Deep Blue makes me feel. There’s just something about it. I feel like if I hear this song again in 10 years, it would genuinely bring me to tears- it feels like loss in a way, and not the meme.

We Used to Wait has a fun instrumentation, glittery piano and that funky guitar noodling in the background, but unfortunately the chorus kinda lets it down for me. I just do not care for it, it’s really built on a vocal line that really doesn’t track for me personally. Like, I’m just young enough that a lot of the theme of the track is utterly unrelatable to me- I hail from an era that is post- the change the track is referring to. I’m focussing a lot this time around about how the songs make me feel personally, but I think that’s kind of the appropriate tack for this album in particular- like the idea of nostalgic reminiscence is so inexorably tied to your own personal experiences that there’s no way around those experiences clouding your perception of this album, and with that, how well you end up liking it. I bet this whole thing hits way harder for someone born in the same couple years as this band.

We’re up to the second two-parter, Sprawl I (Flatland), kind of the finale for the whole thing. I mean, in I’s case, it’s certainly that emotionally. The song is so utterly down, it’s lost in the urban sprawl the title and lyrics describe, and with that comes a very quiet track. Moody strings and guitar, that eventually build during the fourth verse (there is no chorus and they’re short). It does eventually resolve on a more positive note, at least, one that’s hopefully relatable to many of us- eventually, we find our emotional home is, and it’s often not where we grew up.

Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) is quite the different perspective. It’s got that other lead vocalist (I could look up her name but I won’t), it’s got a pulsing beat, and it has much more energy to work with. There are synths on this track that are absent from almost the entire rest of the album, but their introduction here, right at the end, is extremely cool. They’re cool, they’re clear, and they’re thematically relevant! I just really like the vibe of this track, and the way it trails off is similarly very good. Would recommend.

But of course there is one final track. Kind of. The Suburbs (continued) is basically a dark reprise of the album’s opener, shaded with more regret than that track is, more strings-y and whispered. It’s very short, but it acts as an appropriate closer for the whole thing.

And of course, that’s The Suburbs. In retrospect, I have a bit more mixed thoughts about this than I thought. There’s some really high highs, and some things that are just kind of bleh, but any album of this length is bound to have some misses. While I was browsing Genius to make sure I had the lyrics right for some tracks, I saw this record described as a Masterpiece, but I’m not sure that shoe fits- at least, not for me. The personal nature of this album, and anyone’s theoretical relationship with it, are such that I don’t think it can be given such a broad, universal title. I like the album as a whole quite a bit, but I personally wouldn’t call it a masterpiece.

It also doesn’t inspire me to go after more Arcade Fire. I’m actually perfectly content having them in my mind as this solitary piece, complete in its own way. Oh, they have like four other albums, but to me, Arcade Fire is The Suburbs. I don’t know why I’ve decided this, but it just works for me. So I’m sorry to any massive AF fans, but I did just dedicated 2.7k words to this album, so I’m sure you’re all satisfied.

God, next time I am going to have to cover something shorter, for my own sanity if nothing else.

#ramble #music #arcade fire #the suburbs #indie

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Beyond the Corona Walls Part 2

Part two is here, so let’s get on with the rest of the stupid shall we...

You can find part 1 here - https://rachelbethhines.tumblr.com/post/624977559380213760/tangled-salt-marathon-beyond-the-corona-walls

Summary: Rapunzel and the group return to Vardaros to find Eugene, only to learn about his engagement to Stalyan, leaving Rapunzel heartbroken and regretting her decision on rejecting Eugene's marriage proposal. However, after being encouraged by Cassandra, Rapunzel returns to Vardaros and stops the wedding between Eugene and Stalyan. Meanwhile, Adria gives Raps another piece of the scroll and an ominous hint to her future. 

So Why is the Baron Still Operating If Both Raps and Eugene Know Who He Is?

Keep in mind this guy still has a house in Corona that they know about, he’s still a crime boss who’s criminal actions still affect their kingdom, and they both have the ear of the man who is in charge of running things and who has had a vested interest in cracking down on crime for the past 19 years. So why hasn’t Frederic gone after this dude? You can’t say it’s because he’s hiding out here, when he has a base of operations and living quarters in the kingdom itself. And if it’s because he has money, then that’s just further proof that Frederic is corrupt. 

The Writers Undermine Themselves When They Try to Make Conflicts Lopsided

So the writers are trying to have their cake and eat it too in this episode. They want to make Stalyan just unlikeable enough so that the audience won’t hold Eugene accountable for his past actions, but not so unlikable that she’s irremediable later. Hence the excuse that the blackmail is her dad’s idea and that she still believes that Eugene is really in love with her and is just playing hard to get. 

The problem is, by having Stalyan still aware of the situation and complacent in this plan instead of fighting against it, the audience isn’t inclined to see things her way and less inclined to give her a second chance when they try to pull her redemption later. 

Moreover, this also undermines Eugene’s character arc as well, because him learning to be more responsible has to include acknowledgement of his past wrongs. Instead all he does is make excuses or look vaguely guilty over shit that’s only implied not stated. There’s no outright admittance of wrong nor apology for the way he treated her. 

Staylan can’t be sympathetic later on if don't show things from her perspective in the now and Eugene can’t grow as a character if he doesn’t realize what he’s done wrong specifically. 

Context Is Key 

Yeah, that’s a lot of screenshots, I know, but you need to hear/read the line in full. Because there’s not enough context within the episode to make this line work. 

What does ‘someone like you’ mean? What was his relationship with Stalyan like before the break up? When did the break up happen? Why did he leave her at the altar? Why is she still trying to be with him after such a thing? Why wouldn’t Stalyan believe him when he says he’s really in love with Raps? And why, oh why, are we going with this ‘marriage is a prison’ metaphor when the person saying it wants to get married herself? To the very person she’s saying ‘don't get married’ to, no less! 

Now we get hints to answer some of those questions, but none of those hints are in the actual episode itself. Hence the main failing of the episode. That’s because the writers still don’t want to admit fault in their mains. Because, at the end of the day, for all of their talk about how ‘it’s not a kids show’, they can’t or won’t tackle actual mature topics like ‘relationships are hard and failed ones can be the fault of both parties or neither party’. 

‘Contrived Misunderstanding’ Is Literally the Dumbest Plot Point Ever

Unless you are the Bard of Avon risen from the unholy grave himself, don’t fucking do this. Even then I still criticize Shakespeare heavily for bullcrap like this. It’s lazy and more over it’s not fun. 

We already know what the ending outcome is going to be so there’s no tension to be had here. It’s just a cheap way to have conflict between the mains without having them actually address shit or grow as people. Instead of having believable conflicts where people have competing needs or desires, they just throw Stalyan in here to be a scapegoat; and then throw the Baron in here on top of that to be her scapegoat. 

So Let’s Talk About Staylan’s Thought Process Here

Okay, if we’re to make any sense of Staylan’s actions here, we have to answer some of those above questions. 

What does ‘someone like you’ mean? What was his relationship with Stalyan like before the break up?

We honestly don’t know what their relationship was like. We never see them before the break up, only afterwards, and that’s not a good indicator of anything really. All we know are five things; 

Eugene wasn’t a very good person during his Flynn Rider days

He is hinted to be a former womanizer in both the movie and during certain points in season one (the threesome joke in TRoS comes most to mind)

He left Staylan at the altar instead of being the bigger person and breaking things off with her respectfully

He’s known Staylan since they were both teenagers (he’s had a crush on her since they were 15/16) and they’ve been in some sort of long term relationship for some undetermined amount of time

They use to pull jobs together, with Staylan sometimes goating him on, possibly taking charge most of the time.

That’s it. That’s all we got. You can’t really judge Stalyan based off that information alone. All we get from this is that she’s sometimes bossy and probably a little spoiled, but so is Rapunzel honestly, and neither of those things mean that they’re abusive on their own. If anything, knowing those things actually puts Eugene in more of a bad light, but he’s pulling the woobie card here; so you’re not meant to think about those things in the moment which is manipulative writing.  

When did the break up happen? Why did he leave her at the altar?

Now here’s the million dollar question, because honestly the show doesn’t give us a consistent time frame of events and contradicts itself all the time. Some have argued that the break up happened eight years ago when the Baron screwed Eugene and Lance over during that robbery flashback in TRoS. Yet in Flynnpostor the Baron says that he had hired Eugene to steal the crown in the movie indicating that they were still working together all the way up until he met Rapunzel. 

So which is it? Cause either answer drastically changes the context of his relationship with Staylan, their subsequent break up, and informs the motivation behind Stalyan’s words and actions. 

Why is she still trying to be with him after such a thing? Why wouldn’t Stalyan believe him when he says he’s really in love with Raps?

Here’s what I think went down, and what I think the writers are trying to poorly imply here. 

Eugene and Staylan had a tremulous on again/off again relationship for several years; where she’d be bratty and controlling and he’d cheat on her and/or leave, only, for whatever reason, to come crawling back and she’d ultimately ‘forgive’ him and they start at square one. The ‘leave her at the altar’ can’t be a one and done thing otherwise she wouldn’t be conditioned to take him back so readily, nor believe his relationship with Raps isn’t serious. 

In fact, if we take ‘stealing the crown for the Baron’ thing at face value then it implies he stood Stalyan up just to be with Rapunzel. Which makes sense as no self respecting woman would wait around for 8 flipping years. One year is already pushing things as is, but if Eugene has a history of con artistry and cheating then, yeah, she could convince herself that Eugene is pulling a scam and still loves her instead. 

To Staylan’s mind, she’s just trying to convince Eugene to give up his cushy life of royalty to live with her in a less comfortable but ultimately ‘truer’ way of life. She doesn’t see it as asking him to choose between her and Rapunzel cause she doesn’t see that what he has with Rapunzel as love. She thinks he’s faking it, like always. She thinks that ‘Eugene’ is his latest con and that Flynn Rider is his true identity. 

And why, oh why, are we going with this ‘marriage is a prison’ metaphor when the person saying it wants to get married herself? To the very person she’s saying ‘don't get married’ to, no less!

Well the real reason is cause the writers have really messed up ideas about marriage, but the in universe reason is that Staylan sees ‘love’ as ‘unconditional acceptance’. Eugene, or ‘Flynn’, doesn’t have to pretend with her. She knows every awful thing about him, been hurt by him, and she still takes him back, and vise versa. Their on again/off again relationship has convinced her that putting up with mistreatment means that you must really love that person. She doesn’t understand that people can change and grow and that being in a healthy relationship requires both of those things. 

That’s the only interpretation of their relationship that actually makes sense of Stalyan’s actions to my mind. Feel free to interpret it another way if you’d like, because we really have no clue. Just don’t try to pass off you’re interpretation as fact. And if you still see Staylan as the only person in the wrong here; I have to ask you to ask yourself why? Is it the manipulative writing, is it cause she’s not conventionally ‘nice’ like Rapunzel, or is just cause you see her as a threat to New Dream? Because holding her actually accountable for her actions is one thing, calling her ‘a child abuser’ (fandom’s words not mine) just cause she’s a bitchy and bitter ex is another thing entirely. (also they’re the same freaking age what the hell tumblr) 

This Song Would Hold More Weight If They Gave Us an Actual Real Interpersonal Conflict 

I’m just going to split ball a few ideas here, just to show what we potentially missed out on..

Stalyan is blissfuly unaware of the Baron’s plot, meaning Eugene now has to wrestle with admitting the truth of his past actions to her, along with keeping Lance safe, and trying to figure out a way to save his relationship with Rapunzel 

There’s is no Baron involvement, Stalyan is his ex, but he comes to realize that they have more in common than he and Raps does. Meaning that the narrative has to actually address his and Rapunzel’s relationship issues; like their lack of communication and their seemingly conflicting life goals 

Once again, no Baron involvement and Stalyan is his ex, but she’s just a victim Eugene screwed over when he was still Flynn Rider. She warns Rapunzel of what he use to be like and she has to confront the fact that she rushed into a relationship with someone she barely knows while he has to confront the fact that simply giving up his ways isn’t always enough and other people are still hurt by his actions 

Dump the ‘ex’ plot altogether and have Rapunzel meet someone new instead. Have her question if a committed relationship is what she wants, and if Eugene really is the person for her. Address the fact that she has no experiences to in which to judge their relationship by. 

What makes these options stronger is that there’s no clean cut bad guy (except for the Baron). There’s no right or wrong answer to the problem; no easy solution. The less sure an outcome the more tension you can add to the conflict, and these conflicts can go any number of ways; from a temporary break up to a reaffirmation of love.  

That’s mature. That’s complex. That’s not reaching for the easy low hanging fruit. The creators seem to think thing dark, edgy, and shocking is ’deep’ but it’s actually quite shallow, especially when you constantly present one sided conflicts like today’s episode. 

Your Name Literally Means ‘Lettuce’, Rapunzel

Unlike some fans, I don’t mind Rapunzel being jealous and hypocritical. As I said before, I like my heroines to have actual flaws. The problem is that the show goes out of its way to justify her bitchiness instead of calling it for what it is. 

I Don’t Usually Bring Shipping Into These Reviews But,

Eugene and Lance have the healthiest relationship in the show. Like there is zero competition, here. Outside of a few ‘not-so-serious’ crack pairings, like Pete/Stan/Willow or Caine/Trevor, I don't really have any other ‘canon’ ships. I’m like 90% of the time shipping crossover pairings and 90% of those are Varian ships.   

But this is still a flaw because it’s not intentional. The writers genuinely think that New Dream is a healthy romantic pairing and that Cass and Raps are a genuinely good friendship/sibling relationship, but they aren’t. And before you say anything, Casspunzel, isn’t the intent of the creators; regardless if you or some of the non-writing staff ship them. Like, it’s okay to ship them, but they aren’t intentionally written to be romantic any more than Lance and Eugene. 

My point in bringing up all this up is this: A bunch of male writers only knew how to portray a male friendship well; not a female friendship, not a sister relationship, not a mother and child relationship, not a father and child relationship, not a gay romance, not even a het romance. That tells me that the creators on this show have an extremely limited world view. Which you need to expand upon if you have any inspirations as a creative writer.   

You’ll Have an Ice Sculpture of Shorty at Your Wedding, Raps. 

You don’t get to judge, woman. 

I Usually Love the Art Direction on the Show, but, Not Gonna Lie, I’m Disappointed We Didn’t Get an Actual Wedding Dress for Stalyan

This is animated in what? Toonboom? Flash? Would it really have been that time consuming just to make a palette swap of her regular dress here? I mean you made a bunch of new character designs and gave Raps a new outfit just for this episode so clicking a few new swatches on an already existing model doesn’t sound that hard. 

But yes, I’m nitpicking here. That’s cause I hate where all this is going, and I’m trying to put off the inevitable. 

Deactivating the Rocks Was a Mistake 

Like I said, making the rocks no longer a threat means that our heroine no longer has a reason for her quest. You’ve just ended your main conflict and now we’re going to have to sit through a whole season of watching the creators spin their wheels trying to find a new one. While also invalidating both the previous and future conflicts cause all she had to do was touch a rock and that’s it. That’s what this whole story amounts to. 

Also you’re telling me that the main hero was just now willing to risk the life of a bunch of innocent bystanders just cause she be jelly? 

Lack of Remorse Undermines Stalyan’s Future Appearances 

If you want to pawn off the blackmail stuff onto her dad then you need to have her stand up to her dad on screen. Because we get no indication that she learns anything from these events in this episode, we have no reason to root for her redemption later. I mean she’s literally declaring revenge here. 

Say it with me; It’s a lack of setup and resolve. 

Nothing Is Resolved

Rapunzel tries to hold an honest conversation for once and Eugene just shuts her down. Yet, this is presented as a form of positive growth for him? The whole point of their relationship problems is their lack of communication and Rapunzel not being assertive about what she wants. But sure, let's have them still not communicate and have Eugene actively talk over her in order to drag out this plot point that doesn’t need to be dragged out. 

Stop Treating Marriage as a Trap

Okay, first off, she was about to ask you to marry her, you dolt, so stop assuming. Second off, this a really bad lesson and the fact that Rapunzel now feels pressured to lie through her teeth about what she really wants contradicts this whole ‘Rapunzel needs to choose for herself thing’ the story’s got going on.  

I want to make it clear that the writers threw in this ‘forced marriage’ plot not teach Eugene responsibility, you know the thing he actually needs to learn, but to teach him that ‘marriage is bad’. Even though respectfully asking the person you're already in a committed relationship with to marry you is not in any way, shape, or form the same as a bitchy ex blackmailing you into doing something you don’t wanna do. 

Marriage is Not a Trap; Stop Treating It As Such. 

Oh Look, Now It’s Eugene’s Turn To Have His Feeling Ignored

Yes, how dare Eugene have an opinion that different from Raps. 

Remind me again which relationship was the toxic one? 

‘Destiny’ Is Not a Reason

Like ‘destiny’ in a narrative sense means that there’s either an unavoidable consequence for not fulfilling it, a fate that can’t be avoid no matter how hard you try, or a prophecy to help show the characters what needs to be done. It’s a tool to create tension and foreshadowing. It’s not a goal in of itself. But the series never expands upon this ‘destiny’ stuff. It’s treated like an end all and be all for the characters actions, but that’s not how its supposed to work. 

So, What Was the Point?

You’ll hear me ask this question a lot during season two. But for this episode specifically there’s barely anything worthwhile to the ongoing narrative here. 

None of the mains learn anything, none of the side characters learn anything, the Baron and Stalyan wind up not adding anything to the overall narrative, and Vardaros and its inhabitants never come back into play after this season. So what was the point? 

The only reason why I don’t recommend skipping the episode altogether is because of Adria’s introduction, the DK flashback, and the scroll pecice. But all of that is so divorced from the episode’s A plot that it might as well not have been here.You could have taken nearly all of Adria’s scenes and fitted them into another episode. Meaning, you could have easily cut all of Vardaros, the Baron, and Stalyan out of the show and it wouldn’t have made a difference to the story arc. 

Conclusion

I’ll give the opening this much. It lets you know what your in for for the rest of season; lots of filler, a disconnected arc, and no Varian (or other main threat) to be seen. Ugh! 

#tangled #anti-tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #stalyan #eugene #rapunzel

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing?  (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue. 

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue. 

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton. 

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k. 

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too. 

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020. 

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst. 

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly. 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action  slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another  caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa. 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!  slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

#ayri writes #tw drug mention

[hoodharlow]

Going the Distance

Inspired by @aestheticcalhood on ig (bolded is was she tweeted) and this. Some of y’all be mad that our mans cut his hair again. Dejalo if he likes it then he likes it. This was originally going to be about the G’Day USA event, but I rewrote it lol

Summary: Cal somehow convinced Sol’s dad into letting her travel to Australia with him and the boys for the Fire Fight Australia benefit concert. Actions then show, how they’ll go the distance for each other.

Word count: 5.3k words

Warnings: Some smut I wasn’t planning on writing lol 

maybe angst??

Enjoy <3

“That was wild. Sandy from Grease hugged me. I can’t believe she just confirmed that me, Sol Mariana Gutierrez-Solano, is cute. I mean obvio, but Olivia fucking Newton-John called me cute.” I blabbed to Cal when we got to the hotel room. 

We were going to stay with Cal’s mom, Joy, but since she lives on the other side of Sydney, it would be a waste of time driving back and forth from her house to the main part of Sydney. Cal held the door open for me to enter. Before going in, I held onto his shoulder as I kicked off my boots.. But Cal made sure to wake me up when Alice Cooper was performing, so we can go watch him out with the crowd. He told me to stay down there while they performed, so he can just come back and watch Queen right after.

“When was that? Because you were asleep everytime I would go over and check on you.” He teased without looking at his phone. Earlier today we were at the Fire Fight Australia, FFA, benefit concert. Cal and Joy picked me up from the airport and drove us straight to the stadium where the concert was being held because they had sound check. The second we got to their greenroom I passed out on one of the many couches. 

“It’s not my fault I can’t sleep during flights, so I’ve been up for over 16 hours. On top of that I pulled all nighters the past few nights to get my school shit done, so I can enjoy some days in Australia. Because my best friend somehow convinced my overprotective dad to let me cross the Pacific Ocean for a few days just as I settled into spring semester.” I argued while trying to pull off my‒Cal’s jacket off. I sat on the floor and pulled out some sweats, also Cal’s, to change into. 

On the drive to the stadium he had me change into their Friends of Friends merch to promote while I walked around. Olivia also thought my t-shirt was cute too so...

After a few seconds of silence, I looked back at Cal, and he was still on his phone. I drowned the pang of jealousy that crossed my heart, thinking that he was talking to someone. Though it’s been months since he talked to someone. 

Luke casually mentioned it to me, a few days before they left for Sydney, when Crystal asked us about our, the bands plus me, Valentine’s Day plans.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling and pausing every three seconds to read whatever he was looking at. I watched his frown deepen. I know that look on his face. It happens when he’s over thinking something, like when he can’t  get the right line for a song. 

“Hey, you okay?” I asked with concern. 

“Do you think I made a mistake?” Cal  ran his hand over his freshly cut hair.

“With what?” I asked, sitting next to him.

“Buzz cutting my hair.” He looked up at me. I looked down at his phone. From what I could read, there’s a bunch of fans tweeting that they wanted the curls back and were upset that he cut them. They’re still not over it? They had the same response a few weeks ago at the G’Day USA event.I anonymously went off on a few Tumblr accounts that complained about his hair the day after the event. They cared more about his hair than the fact that he was being selfless and spent his birthday rehearsing his butt off to perform for a benefit concert that hit close to home.

Malagradesidas, they can’t appreciate shit. 

“I still can’t believe you keep going to my cousin, so he can cut it.” I said, trying to lighten up his mood. 

“You said he’s in barber school.” He replied defensively. 

“For three years,” I pointed out to him. He was about to say something, but I continued, “it’s a ten month program. They still have him work with the mannequin heads. I’m surprised your head is still attached.”  

“Sol , jokes aside, what do you think of it?” He asked, the question heavy with insecurities. 

“Honestly?” I asked. On my knees, I  got behind him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he held onto my arms. I try not to think of the heat he’s giving off and how that makes me feel some typa way.

Then I finally say, “ From a fan’s perspective, I think that we should stop worrying about your hair. We should acknowledge the fact that you’re more happy and confident with yourself, which should be all that matters. Personally, I fucking love it. I mean it really suits your current style and vibe. Sure you looked good with curls, can’t deny the facts,the buzz-cut just represents how you’ve matured and grown as an artist.” 

“Really?” Cal asked quietly, a little surprised that I told him all of that, but at the same time he sounded relieved that I did.

“Pinky swear.” I held out my pinky to him, so he can interlocked his. 

After a few minutes I unwrapped my arms from him and laid down near the nightstand. I reached for the room service menu on the nightstand. Cal followed suit. He tapped my legs, so he can rest in between them as I rubbed his head. 

This kinda became our thing. It started when they were touring with the Chainsmokers, and their team asked me to go on tour with them. That summer I interned at their management's studio shadowing one of their music producers that helped produce their CALM album. They wanted me to get a feel of what touring was like and other aspects of the music industry, for the future, and to add to my resume. I agreed, much to my dad’s dismay because it meant taking a semester off. 

 Anyways, one day while the boys waited until they had to go back on stage and perform ‘Who Do You Love,’ there were no open seats for Cal to sit, so it kinda just happened. Luke had a field day when it first happened. Because I may have accidentally called him drunk, crying about how I have hella feels for Cal, when I meant to call my cousin, Lucas. After that I changed Lucas to Pelucas.

“I’m hungry. What’s a Halal snack box?” I asked. The only thing I recognized on the menu was fish and chips. 

“They’re similar to carne asada fries, but Middle Eastern.” He explained. He pushed himself up and rested his head on my nonexistent boobs, pushing my shirt up with him. I try to ignore the heat one of his arms is giving off as he’s resting it on the exposed part of my stomach. 

“That sounds good.”

“You’re going to eat that at,” he lifted his head to look at the alarm clock, “2 in the morning?” He asked, looking up at me. 

“Yeah, it’s not like I never eat at one am. I am a college student.” I shrugged. I reached over to grab the phone and order it, but half with no meat for Cal. 

The lady told me that they will send it up in fifteen. Cal went to get his laptop, so we could finish watching Nailed It! France. We were facetime watching it while I was at the airport yesterday. Today? A few days ago? Honestly, I’m not sure what day it is. 

“You actually got it done.” Cal said as he crawled over me. 

“What?”

“Your ‘whetu’ tattoo.” He said, rubbing the tattoo over with his thumb. I wonder how his thumb would if he were to rub my cli-

“Yeah, I was in Guadalajara with my cousins. Kenny’s girlfriend’s brother is a tattoo artist. I was like fuck it and got it done. Plus, I’m able to hide it. You know my dad.” I said, pulling down my shirt. I was basically showing him my bralette covered my nonexistent boobs to him. 

We both got our nicknames tattooed. On good days I like calling him ‘frutita’ which means little fruit in Spanish because kiwi is a little fruit. Mama Hood was actually the first one to call me ‘whetu,’ which is star in Maori. Then Cal started to call me that  just to tease me, but it kinda stuck. The nickname played out well because my name is literally sun in Spanish. I had planned on getting it tattooed on my ankle, but I love wearing rolled up jeans. So it became a big no because my dad would have murdered me, so I went with getting it on my rib like Cal did. 

“How did you manage to get it done? You’re the most ticklish person I know.” 

“I had like six Palomas in my system and didn’t feel shit. I could get run over again and not feel anything.” 

“I still can’t believe you walked to school after getting hit by a car.” Cal said, shaking his head; once again moving my shirt up.

In the beginning of my summer internship Cal made a comment on how I'm always on time to things. I casually brought up that I'm so punctual that I got run over while I was walking to school my senior year, but I quickly got up and continued walking. I made it to my math class before the warning bell rang. In my defense the car had left, and I was doped up on adrenaline. 

“I had a test for IB Math HL, and it was critique day in IB Art. I couldn't not go."

"You're insane."

"But you love me." I smiled, rubbing his hair once more. 

A few minutes later we heard a knock on the door. Cal went to retrieve our food while I went to the bathroom to change into the sweats I left out earlier. 

He came back after a couple of minutes. "Sorry that took a bit. The lady’s daughter was a fan and asked for a picture.” 

“Oh that’s sweet of you." I said, reaching over for the tray of food. 

We ate in silence, occasionally laughing at the contestants’ misfortunes. I’m not sure how, but I ended up cuddling with Cal. I sat between his legs with my back to his chest. One of his arms was casually wrapped around me. I felt his chest rise and fall every time he laughed when the main judge would make a face at what the contestants were doing. After two episodes, I stopped paying attention to the show. I started to get jittery and moved around trying to get comfortable. I accidentally hit a bump on Cal’s thigh, and he let out a moan in my ear sending shivers down my body. I turned around to look at him. My eyes glanced down at his lips. Then I looked up and met his eyes. I did the unthinkable and kissed him.

I pulled away seconds later. 

“What the fuck Sol?” Cal asked, pushing me away. . 

Ya me chingue. 

I swallowed hard, "I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have um, I’m sorry."

"Yeah, you shouldn’t have. Look, I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed. Let’s just pretend nothing happened." He mumbled past me. 

Nomás que chilles, I told myself.

I wanted the bed to swallow me whole. I curled up in a ball on the bed near the edge, but not too close to the edge where I could fall, nor close enough to Cal. I covered myself with my blanket. 

Cal came out a few minutes later and got under the covers on his side. A blanket of tension and awkwardness covered us.

In a matter of minutes, Cal was out cold. That was when I let out my silent tears. 

I'm an idiot. This shit would happen to me. 

I spent the whole night going over every single thing Cal has ever done for me. From defending me when some of his fans called me a clout chaser because I posted a picture with him at the beach after a long night in the studio. To flying my dad out to spend my birthday with me in the middle of their tour. To now, how he somehow convinced me my presence here was crucial for the success of the band. I stupidly let myself catch feelings for him. 

Some time in the middle of the night Cal reached over and pulled me to his chest in his sleep. I carefully lifted his arm off me and switched with a pillow. 

I couldn't stand being in bed with him and got up. I went over to the couches and started working on my paper for my philosophy class. It wasn't due until a few weeks from now, but I needed to occupy my brain on something other than Cal.

Cal's alarm rang, jostling him awake. From the corner of my eye I watched as he looked confused at the pillow and got up. He grabbed some denim jeans and his infamous sensations t-shirt from his suitcase and went into the bathroom. 

I heard a knock on the door and begrudgingly went to see who it was. 

"Hey. Why aren't you ready?" Luke greeted.

"I forgot about this extra credit thing that's due before midnight. Because attendance is part of my grade, I need all the points I can get with all these absences." 

"Oh, well you better be ready later. We are going to that deli cult later today." He said.

"Yellow Deli is not a cult, cult. It's just a chain of restaurants that play folk music." I defended my favorite place in my home town. 

While touring I would wander off to the Yellow Delis if they were close to the arena. After their show in San Diego, Cal and I detoured to the one in my hometown on our way to LA. My goal is to visit every single one around the world.

"Hey." Cal said behind me. 

"I should get back to work. Have fun." I replied, avoiding Cal's gaze.

"Bye, Sol."Luke said, waving as Cal pushed him out.

You poor obvious soul, Luke. 

I couldn't concentrate on the conclusion for my paper, so I hopped in the shower. I changed into some shorts and a backless tank top. 

I quickly called home to check in. I almost lost it when my dad started telling me how proud he was that I’m following my dreams and that I have good friends here to support me. 

I really want to go home. I could ask my dad, but I don’t know how to tell him that I made a complete fool of myself and let my feelings get the best of me. He was the one to teach me not to let my feelings get the best of me. 

I checked my messages and there's a bunch from Luke asking what happened between Cal and me. He even quoted Shawn Mendes because he 'could cut the tension with a knife.' The last one I read was that they couldn’t do Yellow Deli because they have an interview later today. I tossed my phone on the couch. 

Tiredness finally hit me, letting me doze off. When I woke up, I heard Cal in the bathroom talking to someone.

“I’ve missed you too, love… I can’t wait to see you...” He said to whoever he was talking to. 

I took a deep breath and got up to where my backpack was. I pulled on my airpods and scrolled through cooking videos on IGTV because I didn’t want to hear the rest when he got out. I pretended not to see Cal when he walked out of the bathroom in just his pants. 

I glued my eyes to my phone watching Martha Stewart make some caramelized mustard-marmalade wings. The wings actually looked good. That’s coming from a lemon pepper wings lover. It’s been a minute since I’ve had wings. 

“Sol.” Cal patted my leg, startling me and causing me to drop my phone on my face.

“Jesus, Cal.”

“Sorry, I er. Can you help me pick out a shirt?” He asked. 

In less than 24 hours this dude really rejects me without having a mature talk about it and now asks me to help him pick out a shirt for his date later.

“Yeah, um, what shoes are you wearing?” 

If you were to look up clown in the dictionary, my face would be the picture they provide you with.

The guys came by to get Cal for their interview. Luke had tried to convince me to go with them, but I easily played off that I wasn’t feeling well. It was a believable lie, they know about my sensitive stomach, especially when it comes to flavorless cardboard that’s trying to pass as Tex-Mex food.

I spent a good 30 seconds making a pros and cons list on why I should stay. Couldn’t think of a pro other than I can say that I’ve been to Australia. Everything else I came up with was in the cons part. Then and there I decided to book a flight back to LA. 

Was it immature that I was running from my problems? Yes, but I need to clear my head. I also need to start distancing myself from Cal, for the sake of salvaging our friendship.

After spending an hour with Chase, letting them know that it was me in Australia, and that I wanted to buy a plane ticket, they still needed a few days to process and make sure it really is me. I ended up calling my cousin. 

“Pelucas, can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Hey, baby, what’s the matter? How’s the land down under? Have you met any of the Hemsworth brothers?”

“Can you book me a flight? The minute I land, I’ll venmo you the money. I can’t be here anymore.” I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking, but failing miserably. 

“Yeah, everything alright?” He asked. 

“Um, not really but I’ll tell you about it when I get home.”

 I stayed with him until he booked the flight. It leaves tomorrow after 11 in the morning. I started fixing my duffle bag. I stared at the pile of clothes I left neatly folded on the couch. It took everything in me not to put Cal’s clothes, the ones I had collected after he would let me borrow them, in my bag. What I did keep was his Empathy hoodie he lost to me in a bet. 

I couldn’t fully leave him all away. 

Luke came by to check in with me and told me that Cal was with his cousins and might come home late. That part of me was slightly relieved that he didn’t end up going on a date. 

When Cal came back, showered and went to bed while I pretended to sleep. 

Around six in the morning, I quickly changed into jeans and slipped on my shoes. I left Cal a note with some bullshit excuse about school. 

Fourteen excruciating hours later, I was in LA. After getting my bags, I went to the Chase atm and took out $500 for Lucas. He was waiting for me at the loading zone. I quietly climbed in his car. 

“Here, baby,” He said, handing me his Starbucks cup, “from the look on your face, you need it more than me.”

“Thanks.” I mumbled taking a small sip. I almost gagged from how sweet it was.  

“So…”

“Oh, here. I’ll give you the rest later. The atm only lets me get out $500 at a time.” I said putting the money in the cup holder. 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

“I know, can we talk later? I just want to get some sleep.” 

“Okay, baby.” 

We got back to our apartment in less than 40 minutes. I silently went into my room. I quickly showered and slipped on my cloud pajamas and Cal’s Empathy hoodie before climbing onto bed. 

I haven’t even bothered checking my phone since letting my dad know that I’m coming back early. When I turned it on, I was flooded with twenty missed calls from Cal and a bunch of texts from the guys asking why I left. Turning it back off, I went to sleep.

Hours later a pounding on the door woke me up. If Santos, my neighbor’s ex boyfriend, is drunk again and causing another scene, I won’t hesitate to call the police. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost two in the afternoon. Oops. 

“Sol, open the door. Your cousin just told me you’re here when I saw him in the parking lot.” Cal called from the otherside. 

Pinche Lucas.

I walked over and unlocked the door. He let himself in. 

“You have some fucking nerve, Sol. After I fly you out-”

“If you’re mad about the money I can Venmo it to you.” I snapped at him.

“I could care less about that. You can’t just leave the country without telling me!”

“Honestly, Cal, if you flew across the Pacific Ocean just you yell at me, get out.”

“You’re acting childish. You kissed me and you ran away, plain and simple, Sol. We agreed to put it behind us.”

“No, you practically demanded that we do. I can’t just put it behind me. I would be lying to myself about how I feel about you if I did.” I said,  my voice cracking at the end. I turned away, embarrassed that I’m crying in front of him.

“Luke called me an idiot.” He said after a few minutes passed. “Even called me out on my bullshit. I spent most of the flight thinking about what he said, and I think he’s right.”

“What did he say?” I asked quietly.

“That I’m a coward. Apparently, it’s obvious as fuck to everyone, how I feel about you, but me.” He chuckled to himself, but continued. “I was… am afraid of these feelings I have for you. Not because of you, but because I never felt anything like it. Your kiss caught me off guard, so I did what I always do; push people away. What I didn’t expect was for you to also push me away.  When I woke up and saw that you were missing I freaked out. Then I saw my clothes that I gave you on the couch and got angry at myself. For being an idiot.”

“I love you, Cal.” The words escaped my lips, like they had a mind of their own. 

"Yeah?” He asked. I slowly nodded. "I love you as well. Can I kiss you properly?" 

I grabbed his face and met his lips with mine. This time the kiss was perfect. Cal pushed me against a wall, deepening the kiss. We fought for dominance, but I let him have it. He descended from my jaw down to my neck. 

"Bedroom." I panted as he continued kissing all over my neck. 

He pulled away and led me to my room. He pushed off all of my things from the bed. I climbed onto the bed. Cal slipped off his shirt before joining me. I reached down to remove his hoodie, but he stopped me. 

"Keep it. I want you to ride me with it on." He whispered in my ear before lightly biting it. I moaned before I pulled his lips back to mine. Without breaking the kiss, he spread my legs to fit between them. I felt him harden against my thigh as he grinded himself on to me. 

"Do you want me to eat you out or skip all of that and just go for it?" He asked, pulling away from me. 

"Um..."

“Yeah?” 

All I can do is nod. 

I kissed him once more before tugging on his sweats. I desperately want to make a comment on his lack of underwear, but Cal manages to take off my pajamas. I only realized when he pushed aside my panties and two of his fingers teased my entrance before entering me. I let out an embarrassing moan earning a snort from Cal. He tried gripping my hip with his other hand, but his hoodie kept getting in the way.

“This is so fucking annoying.” He mumbled. He pulled off his hoodie while he continued moving his fingers at a delicious pace. 

“Holy shit, Sol.” He groaned in my ear. I’m about to come by him just groaning my nickname.

Cal hovered over me. He leaned down again, meeting my lips. His hands sync up with his lips as they wander down my body. Fingers deftly run over my breasts as his lips follow kissing down my breasts. He continued his journey, kissing down to where I wanted him the most. 

Cal slowly peeled off my panties and situated himself in between my thighs. He put my thighs over his shoulders and slowly kissed up my thigh. 

“Cal, please.” I begged. 

“Please what?” He teased as he smirked.

One of his hands wandered to my entrance, and in a teasing manner he rubbed me right where I wanted him to fuck me. Fuck, I need him in me so bad.

“Cal, I fucking swear. Please.” I moaned.

That’s when I felt him taste me; his tongue slowly circled my clit. I lay there frozen. I couldn’t look away. He met my gaze as his ring and middle entered me while he continued to have me with his tongue. 

“Cal!” I cried in pleasure as I came undone. 

Cal unwrapped my legs from his shoulders. I pushed him off me. I reached down to the little door on my nightstand and grabbed a tampon box where I hid my condoms and tossed him one. He quickly opened it and slid it on. 

Cal teased me as he rubbed himself on my folds. I whined, slightly sensitive to what he did to me a minute ago, but ready to have him in me. 

If he doesn't do something, I will push him off and get myself off. 

Cal grabbed my hips, slowly pushed himself in; he filled me completely. He looked at me, probably gauging my reaction. I nodded and he began to move; it took me a few seconds to adjust to him.

My hands gripped his arms, and I lifted my hips to meet each of his thrusts. Cal’s grip on my hips tightens as he met my thrusts in slower, rougher and deeper movements just how I like it. After a few minutes, I grew tired and let him continue thrusting into me. Cal reaches a spot that sends chills all over my body. Our lips met again, and they have the same urgency as his thrusts. I started to feel my orgasm coming closer. One of his thrusts caught me off guard, and I clenched around him. It caused him to stop his movements and softly groan a curse into my shoulder.

“Cal, I’m-”

“I know, ” He groaned. “I got you, Sol.”

He started thrusting into me again, but this time in fast yet deep strokes. My orgasm took me by

surprise. I yelled out Cal’s name. He lifted his head and smirked.

After my high fades away, he continued to have me like before: slow and rough. A few minutes later, his thrusts grew sloppy, he’s about to come.

“Cal.” I managed to groan as I clenched around him again. He’s really gonna make me come again, and I haven’t recovered from the first one.

“Shit, come for me.” And I did. Cal thrusted a few more times before I felt him release in the condom. He pulled out, and collapsed next to me. Our breathing is loud and heavy, like we just ran a marathon.

“You’re incredible,” he panted, pulling off the condom and throwing it in the bin.

“I know.” I shrugged. He playfully rolled his eyes at me. I gave him a quick peck before I got out of his bed. He rolled over and grabbed my hand, stopping me.

“Where are you going?”

“The bathroom,” I snorted, picking up his hoodie, “I’ll be right back.” 

I went into the bathroom and quickly did my business. Before putting on his hoodie, I stared at myself in the mirror. Cal left marks on my hips from where he was grabbing me. He left some hickies around my neck and collarbone. Those are going to be a bitch to cover up. I wonder if I left him any. 

I walked out, and he’s just in grey sweatpants. If he asked, I would be ready for round two. 

“Are you gonna come to bed or just stare at me?” Cal asked.

 I rolled my eyes and walked over. I got in a comfortable spot on the bed as Cal opened my legs so he could rest on my chest. I ran my fingers over his hair.

“I miss this hoodie.” He said after a few minutes of silence. I was so close to falling asleep.

“You lost that fair and square. Who bets that they can out swim a nationally ranked swimmer?” I asked as a matter of fact. 

“You cheated.” He accused.

“No, I didn’t. Not my fault that you never asked about my swimming experience.” I countered.

“No wonder you were so confident in betting your dad’s Mustang.”

“Yet you still bet you could win.” 

“I love you,” he mumbles sleepily.

“I love you too,” I reply.

“I was talking to my hoodie.”

“Cal?”

“Yeah?”

“Go to sleep.”

Later that day, I woke up to an empty bed. My heart sank when I stupidly reached over to where Cal slept last night. Ugh, he probably regretted it and is trying to figure out a way to not make this awkward between us. Hell, I bet he’s on a plane back to Sydney.

I heard a crash from the kitchen and Cal cursing. I walked out to see what was the commotion. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you. I wanted to make chi-lakes for you and bring them to bed.” Cal said, his cheeks lightly flushed. He was really gonna make me chilaquiles. 

“Oh,” I managed to say. Okay, fuck those the thoughts I just had. 

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if you added the tortilla chips before or after the sauce.”

“I’ll make them.” I pushed him away and got another pan. I moved the Costco bag of tortilla chips out of my sight. “Tortilla chips, really? My abuela would have hit you with a wooden spoon if she saw you. Chilaquiles are trash if you make them with tortilla chips.”

“Well, you’re out of tortillas.” 

“Nevermind then. What do I have?” I asked. 

“We can Postmates something.”

“Fine.” I said.

I could convince him to get Roscoe’s. I’ve been craving it for weeks.  

“Roscoe’s? I really want some waffles.” He suggested, showing me his screen.

“Yes, please.” I smiled

Cal quickly ordered our usual, the Big Mama Special and a side of waffles for him and Herb’s

Special with a side of mac and cheese for me. 

While we waited, he’d taken us to the couch. At first we were just watching the Kids Baking Championship, but I’m now sitting on his lap, sans hoodie, dealing with his never ending teasing because Cal can’t keep it in his hands to himself.

“Stop that, that shit fucking tickles.” I laughed as he blew raspberries on my ribs.

“Hey… shit, those are Sol’s tits.” I heard Lucas’ boyfriend say, then the door slammed. 

“On fucking god, Sol, if you’re both having sex in the couch.” Pelucas yelled from outside. Cal and I couldn’t stop giggling.

#calum hood imagine #calum hood #calum hood blurb #calum hood smut #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fanfiction #aestheticcalhood #yellow deli

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Outside the Rain - Harry Styles Series (Part 16)

Part 15

Somehow you ended up waking up early the next morning. Well early in the sense that woke up only a few hours after finally falling asleep. Harry was still sleeping next to you. He was laying on his stomach with his hands underneath the pillow. You’re pretty sure there were some drool involved, too. You smiled thinking about how your parents and him really seemed to get along last night. You know it was only the first official meeting and it had a lot to do with the fact it was your night, but you could see them loving him as their own soon. 

The thought of that sort of took you off guard. You knew what you felt with Harry was different, but you never really just had a feeling about someone you were interested would get along with your parents. Maybe it was because you knew deep down those guys weren’t it for you. They were either jerks, who mostly only cared about themselves, or they cheated on you, or they just didn’t want to accept the life you had created for yourself. 

At the time of those relationships, you might not have been able to see it right away, but your parents did. Honestly, you believe the one thing that really won them over was how proud and supportive Harry was of you. Out of the few relationships you’ve had in your life, you couldn’t really remember one who truly supported you. 

As you looked over at your sleeping boyfriend, words and a melody started to fill your head. You quietly got out of bed, threw on a shirt, and went to get your guitar and notebook. You made yourself some tea before heading out to your backyard, so you didn’t wake Harry up. You first wrote down all the words and lyrics you had to make sure you didn’t lose them before strumming a few different chords trying to match the melody you were forming in your head. 

It took more than a few tries, but then you seem to get it as close to it as was possible. You wrote the chords down before looking at the lyrics you scribbled onto the page. You sang a few of them along with strumming your guitar, seeing how the words fit with the sound. Then you added in some ad libs, just to get the feel of the song a bit more. 

You weren’t sure how long you were out there or how long you had been working on the song before Harry made his way outside. He had a cup of coffee in his hand as he watched you. Your hair was messily clipped up on top fo your head, with more than a few loose strands framing your face. You held a pen between your teeth as your fingers danced along your guitar. 

Harry knew you were working on a new song. From the concentration on your face to smile on your lips when you found something that worked. He didn’t want to interrupt you, but he couldn’t watching you in your zone. He leaned against the doorway as he sipped his coffee, listening to the jumbled mix of words with a few lines of lyrics alongside the sound of the guitar. 

Harry stood there well over ten minutes before you finally saw him. 

“Oh, sorry, did I wake you?” You asked pushing hair out of your face. 

“Not at all,” he smiled pushing himself off the doorway and over to you. “New song?” 

“How’d you know?” You joked putting the guitar against the other chair. 

“I just know things, Y/N,” he smirked. 

You rolled your eyes as he sat in the chair next to you, “Anyway, how’d you sleep?” 

“Like a fucking baby,” he laughed sitting back, bringing his feet up to the ottoman in front of him. 

You laughed, “You know I get that expression, but then I also don’t get that expression. I mean, baby’s sleep without a care in the world, right? But don’t most babies only sleep like a couple of hours at a time? Or like take a bit before falling asleep? So, is sleeping like a baby really a good thing?” 

“It’s too early for this shit,” he joked. 

You giggled getting up from your chair and walking over to him. He opens his arms for you join him on his lap and he wraps his arms around you. You leaned against him, your legs next to his as he finished his coffee. 

“I wish you could stay here,” you sighed. “But I know you have to leave soon.”

He didn’t respond verbally, but you could feel him nodding behind you. 

“How are we going to make this work when we’re both on tour,” you whispered. “We couldn’t literally go months without seeing each other in person.” 

“We won’t let that,” he said. “And besides neither one of us even have a tour set in stone yet.” 

“I know, but eventually we will,” you said sitting up a bit to look at him. “Maybe not this go around, but the longer we’re together the more chance we have fo that happening. I know we’re okay for the remainder of this year, but what about next year?” 

“Hey,” he said rubbing your back. “It’s going to be okay, baby. We’ll make it work because we love and trust each other. It’ll work because we both support each other and know that this is all part of us doing what we do. Will it suck being away from each other? Yes. Will it be hard not being able to hold you i my arms, kiss your lips or fall asleep next to you? Yes, it’ll be fucking miserable. But I know it won’t be like that forever and that it’ll just make the time we are able to be together even more special than it already is.” 

You sighed, “I’m just scared...” you whispered. 

“Of what?” He asked pushing hair out from your face. 

“Of losing you.. losing us... I know logically we can make it work, but I also know how hard distance can be on a relationship. We can say all the right things and go over in my mind why it’s going to work... but the distance is still there,” you whispered. 

Harry kissed your head as he held you closer to him, “I know, but like you said, we don’t have to worry or dwell on the right now because we’re not going to be on tour anytime soon. We still have a few months left of this year to just spend as much time as we can together. Then once we have a tour set, we’ll sit down together, have some dinner and figure out when we can see each other. Because I’m telling you now, I will be seeing you up on that stage at multiple shows because after last night I’m having PCD.” 

You giggled, “I can’t believe you just said that.” 

“What? It’s true,” he laughed. 

You smiled wrapping your arms around his shoulders, “I really love you, you know that?” 

“Yeah, I do,” he smiled. “And I really love you, too.” 

You smiled pressing your lips against his. 

**

Later that day, you and Harry were headed out to meet your parents and Stevie for lunch. Looking at it from the outside it would probably seemed like a star-studded event between your dad, Stevie, and then of course, you and Harry. But it was just another lunch date with your family. Growing up people would always tell you how cool it must be to experience and meet all the people you’ve met and while yes it was cool, it also just felt normal. 

You realized it wasn’t, but it was for you. Many people, especially when you girls were just starting out, always said your success stemmed from your Daddy’s money and other connections. But in all honesty, the only thing his money and connections ever did for you was teaching you about music, polishing your vocals, and teaching you about the business and life on the road. But everything else, that was all you, the girls, and your talent. 

When you and Harry arrived at the restaurant, you were the last ones there. Everyone said their hellos and hugs before sitting back down. 

“So, how was the rest of your night?” you mom asked. “The party?” 

“Great. The whole night was everything,” you smiled. 

“I still can’t get over that high note did at the end of the final song,” Stevie said. “Pretty sure that’s the highest you’ve ever sang it.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t think I had that in me,” you joked. 

“So modest,” your dad joked. 

You giggled taking a sip of your water. 

“Harry, how long will you be in LA for?” Your dad asked. 

“Um, only a few more days,” he said. “I’ve got some work lined up here soon.” 

“And by work you mean preparing for an album release?” Stevie smirked. 

“Perhaps,” he laughed. “I’ve not set a date yet, but the album is finished.” 

“It’s really great,” you added in. 

“You’ve heard it?” Stevie asked. 

“Sort of,” you laughed. “I’ve heard versions of the songs, but not the final cuts.”

“Actually, if um, you are doing anything this afternoon, we could head back to Y/N’s place and I’d love to play you all the album,” he said. “For input...” 

“Sure, we’d love, too,” your father smiled. “But don’t let our opinions influence what you want for the album, okay? I always told Y/N that when she would play it for us. It doesn’t matter if we don’t like a song that she loves or that we love a song, she’s not sold on. Make the album and include the songs you want to on it.” 

Harry smiled, “Promise.” 

You and your mom glanced at each other with smiles on your faces as you watched Harry and your dad chatting away. Stevie had to take a business call so she excuse herself for a few. When the food had arrived, you all took a small break in the conversations to eat. About an hour later, everyone was done and now your father and Harry were having a little discourse about paying the bill. 

“You’re our guest,” your dad said. “We’ll pay.” 

“No, no, it’s fine,” Harry said. “I’ve got it, as a thank you.” 

This went on for five minutes and even got down to them splitting the bill or one pay for the bill the other for the tip. You rolled your eyes, reached over for the bill, slid your card inside and handed it to the waitress as she walked over. 

“I’ll just pay for the fucking bill,” you said. 

“Men,” Both Stevie and your mom laughed. 

“I’ll tip then,” Harry said. 

“My god, let it go!” You laughed signing the receipt and putting your card back in your wallet. 

You all gathered your things as you got up from the table, “So, everyone good with coming over?” 

“Actually, I’ve got the head out,” Stevie said. “My flight is leaving earlier to miss some incoming weather, so it doesn’t get delayed.” 

“But another time, then?” Harry asked. 

“Of course,” she smiled. “I can’t pass on seeing my two favorite people.” 

“Hey! What am I chopped liver?” Your dad joked. 

“You’re like my little brother, so yeah,” she smirked. 

You all laughed as you gave her a hug before she quickly said her goodbyes and left. You, Harry, and your parents walked out of the restaurant and to your cars.

 During your walk, you all were bombarded with flashes from paparazzi trying to get photos of you and Harry together. They were screaming different things out you, but mostly it was them asking to confirm your relationship, but you two ignored them just getting into the car and driving off as quickly and safely as you could. 

You and Harry looked at one another and sighed, “And so it begins,” you said as Harry drove to your house, your parents following behind him. 

#One Direction Imagines #Harry Styles Imagines #Outside the Rain

[mingishoe]

50 kpop questions

Just because I’ve been stuck inside for exactly 31, almost 32 days, which is terrible for my mental health sO i’m doing this to keep my mind off of things. Also I’m really sorry for not posting this week, I’ve been working on requests and I’ve just been taking my time and stuff so yeah. Thank you for being patient babes~~

1.)The first song that got you into kpop? So surprisingly it wasn’t a  BTS song even though Run was the first kpop song I heard... it was Sorry by The Rose  

2.) The first group you starting staning in kpop? So sorry was a song that really stuck with me for the longest time and almost immediately after I started staning The Rose. Usually when I tell people its a band and not necessarily a ‘normal’ kpop group that has choreo and stuff, they’re always really surprised because even now they’re not super super popular. 

3.) Your first bias? So even though The Rose isn’t a normal choreo kpop group my first bias was Dojoon but pretty soon after I got into BTS and before I learned their names I was really drawn to Namjoon, so I’d say either one of those.

4.) Your first bias wrecker? Okay so in The Rose I didn’t really have one but in BTS my bias wrecker was Yoongi and obviously he wrecked me because uhh yeah Yoongi is now my bias BUT it’s still Yoongi after years sooo...

5.) Your favorite boy group? My favourite boy group is Ateez (obviously lmao)

6.)Your favorite girl group? My favourite girl group currently is Itzy but I’m really stuck between BlackPink as well.

7.) Your ultimate bias If it’s not obvious enough, its Mingi... hence my username

8.) The main fandom your apart of? I’d say I’m mainly Atiny, but there’s a huge Army inside of me.

9.) Your ultimate group? My ult group is also Ateez

10.) Your favorite era of your ultimate group?

Dude all of Ateez’ eras are literally all perfect but I’d say either this past comeback, the Answer era or the Wave/Illusion era.

11.) Your opinion, black haired idols or dyed hair? I love me a good pretty hair colour *Cough* mingi’s red hair and Yoongi’s mint hair *cough* but also P L E A S E let their hair B R E A T H E BEFORE IT FALLS OUT!

12.) Aegyo master girls?

So the groups I watch honestly don’t really like/don’t have the best aegyo but Lisa is really cute so I’d say her

13.) Aegyo master boys?

We all know our boy Jooheon- as much as it makes me wanna invert on myself it’s also insanely cute

14.) Your favorite maknae

So you know... it’s between Jongho and Jungkook but I think I’d have to say Kook.

15.) Your ‘child’ group?

I don’t really know what that means so UHHH

16.) The group you could see yourself becoming best friends with?

Dude honestly as much as I love ateez I just wanna be best friends with BTS so FUCKING BAD like dawg they’re just so funny and yeah 

17.) Your favorite boy group kpop song ?

This is a really hard question because there’s like a million answers but I’d say Utopia. That song without a doubt makes me cry every time I listen to it because it’s just so beautiful and it just makes my heart so happy,

18.) Your favorite kpop song girls?

I don’t wanna be basic or anything but it’s either ddu-du-ddu-du by BlackPink or ooh-ahh by Twice

19.) Are you more into girl groups or boy groups?

I’m more of a boy group stan because I’m not a huge fan of the cutesy stuff most girl groups do, but I do enjoy girl groups as well it’s just more difficult for me to get into them.

20.) Favorite kpop girl dance?

Once again I don’t wanna be basic but I really like either Whistle or BOOMBAYAH by BlackPink or Cheer Up by Twice. 

21.) Favorite kpop boy dance?

I really like Love Shot and Ko Ko Bop by EXO or Serendipity by Jimin BTS 

22.) If you were stuck in a horror movie you’d want which group with you?

Okay so no matter what group I’d pick I’d be dead bUT I think my best bet would be maybe Ateez because they got Jongho and that boy is strong and not scared of anything.

23.) Favorite fandom light stick?

By far my favourite is the BlackPink light stick because it’s literally the cutest thing ever aND IT SQUEAKS!!! like someone please buy it for me. Please and Thank You.

24.) Favorite fandom name?

I really like Ikon’s ikonic and Ateez’ Atiny

25.) Visual king?

Yeosang PERIODT, baby gets slept on way too much on his visuals and KQ was right to make him a visual.

26.) Visual queen?

Dude Jisoo from BlackPink. She’s so beautiful and shes in my top 3 of female idols I think are the most gorgeous thing in the world.

27.) Dance queen?

Lisa from BlackPink. If you’ve seen her mentoring on that chinese show- BITCH you can see how serious she takes it and it’s so satisfying to watch but also I’d cry if I’d ever have to dance in front of her.

28.) Dance king?

Hoseok from BTS. Like once again you can physically see how serious he takes it and its insanely hot but also very scary and like Lisa I’d cry if I’d ever have to dance in front of him.

29.) Rap king?

This is an opinion and I’ve met so many people who have actually fought with me on this one but Hoseok from BTS is literally such a good rapper. I understand he might not be the best but he is my favourite rapper in kpop. I just absolutely love his tone of voice and idk UGH i just love Hoseok overall.

30.)Rap queen?

I know a lot of people are probably gonna disagree with me on this one but uh I think Moonbyul, Hyuna, and Jessi are some of the best rappers because personally I just really like their tones and UGH they’re all just beautiful. 

31.) A group you’d really like to get into?

There are SO many groups I would love to get into but I’d say a girl group would be Dreamcatcher because I listen to their songs and they’re all great but I just haven’t found the time to sit down and learn their names or anything. A boy group would be MCND because I saw their debut like an hour after it released and it was really good and once again I really like their debut album but I just haven’t found the time to sit down and learn their names either.

32.)Your favorite ship?

I’m personally not really into ships so I’ll just use ships as friendships so I’d say either Yoonmin, sope, but probably Vmin would be my favourite, which are all BTS ships.

33.) Your favorite intergroup friendship?

I think I’m gonna say Jackson Wang from GOT7 and Namjoon from BTS. They’re both just really cute so yeah kjdfskd

34.)Ballads or upbeat songs?

Personally ballads because I prefer slower more cute or sad songs or the complete opposite and like trap with a loud ass bass.

35.) Have you ever met any of your idols?

No but I would love to. Rationally thinking I think I would completely shut down and not know what to do because some of these people I look up to so highly and literally thank them for the sole reason of me being happy and being able to get through such difficult times.

36.) Do you prefer cute themes or sexy themes?

Once again I don’t really like cutesy themes that much so I’m going to go on the sexy themes side. also i’m a hardstan so obviously.

37.) How long have you been a kpop fan?

So I’ve been around Kpop for a really long time because a few of my friends listened to BTS and Super Junior and stuff like that I always listened to it but I was forcefully trying not to get into it but eventually I gave up and secretely got into kpop around 2017 but then i “Came out of the kpop closet” as my friends like to say after the Burn The Stage movie came out because my friend took me to go see it with her when it came out in 2018. But yeah if I let myself I would’ve been a kpop stan a long ass time ago.

38.) Your favorite comeback song?

There were so many comebacks that I really loved so there’s a few but Got7 You Calling My Name and Ateez Wonderland are two of my favourites.

39.) Do you have any kpop company you tend to prefer?

Not really, but I’d say I listen to many artists from JYP.

40.) Barefaced idols or make up?

I WILL A L W A Y S SAY THIS! BAREFACED IDOLS ARE SUPERIOR! THEY’RE S O BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER HOW MANY “IMPERFECTIONS” THEY HAVE!

41.) Is you bias list as out of control as mine?

My bias list is pretty much all rappers except maybe 2 or 3 so I’d say I have a type sdfskfhskjd

42.) How many groups do you actually keep tabs on?

A lot more than I actually realize but mostly Ateez, BTS, Monsta x, and Itzy. But I heavily rely on twitter for the rest of my groups

43.) Your current favorite kpop song?

I really don’t even know... but I’d say Utopia by Ateez.

44.) First kpop dance you’ve attempted to learn?

So I attempted to learn a bunch of dances but I really just gave up bUT a dance I’ve actually solidly learned is Ddu-du-ddu-du by BlackPink.

45.) When I hear kpop songs in public I....?

Personally I’m not ashamed to like kpop in public or anything. Like I’ll wear merch and stuff in public sO I’d probably not even make a big deal out of it and just sing along quietly.

46.) If I knew someone irl who had the same bias as me I would...?

Honestly we could like thirst and bond over having the same bias> I don’t get the people who get actually offended if people have the same bias and then defensive and possessive whenever they do have the same bias.

47.) Kpop idol I would most like to meet?

I probably would like to meet Wooyoung or San from Ateez. They both just seem like the nicest, sweetest people ever and I’d just love to have that experience.

48.) Kpop idol who is like a role model to me?

Namjoon from BTS. Do I even have to explain that? Honestly that man should be a role model and an inspiration to everyone but...

49.) Favorite kpop lyrics?

Sunrise by Ateez. The lyrics have helped me through many difficult times and every time I listen to it it’s a reminder that everything is going to be okay.

Why is my life so dark? Why, always makes me hard? A lost heart The burden on my shoulders Let's wait a little longer, even if it's cold. It's gonna rise. Sooner or later. Let's wait and see, alright. What I want someone to say to me, even if it's a lie. "You don't have to worry." "You're doing great." "Just keep it up. Just like you do now."

50.) If I had a whole day with my bias I would....”

I would honestly just wanna do something chill. Like Imagine just chilling and watching movies while eating snacks with Mingi- idk about you but honestly that’s probably the best thing I could imagine.

[lotus-mirage]

episode 32 + 33 liveblog

this is going to hurt

I’m going to watch the opening again - hopefully I’ve bypassed most of the spoilers.

He snuck in!? That’s an awful idea, no!

He’s gonna get blamed for something else now, isn’t he.

:,(

This is a little hard to watch

She saw him! Shoot.

No! Don’t just - walk out like that! Ahhhhh

Disembodied screaming. Great.

Aaaand hallucinations.

:,(

The bodies....

And Wen Ning lost control again.

Hmm. Don’t think he actually was burned, considering he showed up in episode 2. Explains WWX’s surprise at that, though

Wait. They really didn’t see him standing there? I assumed that they just thought he was someone else.

Aaaaand he’s pretty much lost it. Great.

What was the paper that crumbled at the gate?

Are the teacups like a pledging support thing?

Okay, a funeral rite.

‘Bandit chieftains’. Right.

:,(

And there he is. Kind of unhinged sounding now.

Did. Did nobody see him up there?

Still honest, but yeah. Unhinged.

Jiang Cheng hasn’t said anything. :,(

I hate like. Half of the clan leaders.

He’s crying. :,(

Yeah none of these guys ever really supported him.

Who shot that!?

Well. The blood disappearing thing is new.

The brass in combination with the flute music is interesting

Are they not attacking the Jiangs? :,(

:,(

Generally don’t have a lot to say during fight scenes, and this one is kind of long. Sorry.

Oh! It’s LWJ! ...where is he jumping from? It kind of looked like he jumped down, but this is kind of the highest building.

:,(

Okay so on top of all the other emotions, the flipping and flying is making me laugh a little. It’s a weird combination.

How has the situation changed?

Oh. Uh. Hmm. Okay bringing his sister might normally be a good plan but I know she dies and... ahhhhhh.

LWJ’s protecting him!

Hhhhh I’m scared

She doesn’t even have a weapon

Oh no who’s that!

They’ve got a flute too. Oh no. That’s uh. That’s a great way to. Oh no.

Ohhhhh no

Oh and here’s the army from the first episode, I guess

Oh no

Ohhhh no

no

:,(

Everything hurts

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

GODDAMNIT

c’mon really

and now the vocals start up

Oh he’s got the force choke now

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ending there.

Fine okay I have time for another episode today in a few hours fuck

End notes for that one:

Who was the second flautist there???

Everything hurts again! Huzzah! :,|

- episode 33 -

Yeah guys maybe don’t provoke the freshly re-traumatized unstable uber-powerful black magic user. Seriously.

Oh jeez is he absorbing the things that were flying around?

Not sure - they may just be being redirected

He coughed up blood? Was that from his magic or an outside thing?

(Background reprise of the romance song, ow)

I can’t tell if LWJ is killing live cultivators or just the puppets.

Haven’t heard this instrument in this show’s music before, I think. It gives a weird tone to the music, a bit.

Wait. The sky just lightened. It matches the opening scene now. How?

He broke the amulet?

Shoot, didn’t it influence Wen Ning? Is that why he seemed so out of it in episode 2?

Aaaand here’s the opening scene.

:,(

The laughing bit is new.

Owww

LWJ’s face

Jiang Cheng is still mourning in the middle of the battlefield

Owww

Ahhhhh

He’s still asking him to come with him

This scene is so slow - contrasts the last few and gives it weight. Which is good, but. Ouch.

Ohhhh he didn’t even respond, just let himself fall

Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This entire scene is just. Very painful

Oh no Jiang Cheng

He’s not even walking quickly. :,(

LWJ’s face

All of their faces just hurt

He didn’t actually stab him. That’s. That’s actually worse. Oh my god that hurts so much worse.

The closeups on their faces, too

Owwwww

Okay I had to take a break for a minute there. Time skip time. 16 years. Wow.

You’d think that’d hurt less - it’s literally the first thing we see! But I guess if this happened sequentially I might have been frustrated too. That’s mostly staved off because I knew it was coming, so it felt a little inevitable.

Oh LWJ’s playing the song. :,(

Oh wait he’s got wwx right there

I guess the hiding-his-identity jig is up

Right, right. The recap is absolutely necessary here.

Did. Did Jiang Cheng not even refer to him using his full name? :,(

Is LWJ’s hairstyle a little different? It feels off, but I genuinely cannot tell

They really did just skip over any identity shenanigans

Three years later? Why three years?

LWJ looks tired

I feel like we skipped some things. Wasn’t the dancing statue that shattered an illusion? Where’s everybody else?

I guess they were kind of close to the Cloud Recesses, but it feels weird that they skipped over any hassle getting him there. Although I guess they can fly, so.

This music is really nice

:,( the flashbacks

Wait, didn’t this whole place get destroyed when the Wens attacked? I guess they did a really faithful job reconstructing it.

Awwww the bunnies

I’m a little confused that he seems to just be allowed to walk around here

OH

I was going to comment on LWJ not having a shirt on, but it does have a purpose. I’m no expert, but some of those scars look. Pretty deep.

Whips and a brand!?

Oh. They were probably for helping WWX. Or maybe endangering Jiang Yanli? :,(

The clans that I feel have more power and inclination towards this sort of thing probably cared a lot more about the former.

‘Underworld chamber’? That’s new.

It’s the nice baby-faced cultivator! The only one that I can recognize.

...How did that specific family happen to own something effected by the amulet?

Did. Did he have to use a spell to open the door.

WAIT. He can use non-red/black/evil magic again!

If LWJ’s taking over for the Grandmaster, does that mean he’s more powerful than him now? Wow.

Playing a flute might break any remaining semblance of a cover he still has, though?

See, even wwx knows that

He’s playing the romance song in the middle of a spell-song? Why??

Is he asking for no more flute because he’s scared or because the music is bad, haha. That might just be an effect of a hastily-made flute, though.

The sword fell, but it’s still leaking energy. Not sure what that means.

‘Infected’ by the amulet how??

Yeah maybe don’t grab the evil sword again. Remember how the last one turned out?

Oh that’s not good

At least he let go of it?

Why is Lan leader always bleeding from his mouth, anyway

Lan Sizhui is kind of being given more prominence than the rest of the group. Even in the first couple episodes. That hasn’t really happened for a while, but I guess a not-insignificant portion of our cast just did get killed off so.

Oh, WWX is talking to him! Does he know, or are there still identity-shenanigans to be had?

Oh he doesn’t excellent we need something less heavy like that

The sword was planted there, all right. I... think I did have some earlier suspicions, with the guy that tossed money at the story-teller (teacher?) that just happened to be talking about WWX as he returned.

He’s in a coma!? Yikes. They know that already?

I’m glad that somebody is asking about the mask.

I honestly cannot remember if LWJ’s hairpiece was always this big.

Oh! Okay, Xue Yang is relevant again! And. Has a piece of the Yin Iron. Which. Wasn’t the only remaining piece made into the amulet? We’re there secretly five pieces all along?????

Okay good they’re addressing it.

Oh? ‘The man in black’ - is that the guy who talked about spirits or the one who paid the teacher???

Do we have a suspect?

No, okay. I do wonder what the guy’s goal might be.

Okay no I recognize the face of the guy next to Lan Sizhui - he was complaining, I think?

And they’re off already.

This is. Moving a lot faster than I expected it to.

Oh those portraits are awful, hahaha

Hahaha his face

Strong contrast from the beginning of this episode, was not expecting to be laughing so soon.

Hahaha, that was one way to make an entrance! Why, though?

!!! It’s the nephew! :D

Well. Okay.

End notes:

Uh. Very strong swerve in tone in this episode. I was not expecting them to delve back into comedy in the same episode that the main character died.

I’m a little lost, but I guess the next couple arcs will include Xue Yang or the mystery guy who planted the sword?

I. Really don’t have a lot to say, I guess. A bunch happened, but I don’t know what’s going to happen next, and I’m not solid on how I feel about anything. Kinda bemused? I’m glad that we seem to be done with the angst, but it’s kind of weird to be seemingly done with all of that (for now) so quickly.

#the untamed #mdzs #untamed liveblog #my thoughts

[shesadramaqueen]

In Between My Arms; Roger Taylor x F!Reader

Requested by: @walkingwheels

Hello! For requests, could I have 13, 16, 17 and 33 from the angst/fluff list with Rog? Thank you in advance! Also, no pressure! Do it whenever you feel like it❤️

Summary: The fact that you're drunk and are wearing slightly revealing clothes doesn't mean that you're looking to be harassed, but a guy at the pub thinks otherwise. Roger's fist, though, begs to differ with him.

Context: Based on the early 80's

Prompts used: from the Angst/Fluff list:

-> 13: “I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me.”

-> 16: “I’ve got you.”

-> 17: “I can’t sleep, can I stay here?”

-> 33: “Don’t cry.”

Word Count: 2.4 K

Warnings: angst, violence, sexual harassment, alcohol, swearing

A/N: thank you so much for requesting my gorgeous Hoop!! I really liked writing this. It literally took me 2 days to plan and write which is... new. Hope you enjoy it! ♡

Permanent taglist: @turkey-bacon-for-queen, @haikyuumanga, @yourealegendroger, @radio-ha-ha, @winterknightdragon

Today it was your birthday and you would be lying if you said you weren't buzzing in excitement.

You had always loved your birthdays, but you found this one extra exciting, as you could not only celebrate it with your close friends, but also with the band. This had been pretty complicated throughout the years, as they were unfortunately always touring just at the same time as this special day.

And because today was going to be a great night, you were just feeling yourself. You wanted to show off, it was your birthday after all. So you went to your wardrobe and put together a bold outfit that made you look, well, fantastic.

You were wearing a velvet emelard green t-shirt that hugged your figure perfectly, with a prominent V cut, paired with a leather tight skirt that ended just above the knee, but had a slit that went up to almost the top of your thigh. You matched this with some black stilettos that you knew you would regret later on, but you couldn't care less in that moment.

You were just done with your make up look (smoked black eyeshadow with a dark red lipstick) when you heard the front door open, and you squealed in excitement.

"Love?" You heard Roger say and you fought a silly smile for it not to appear on your face.

"Just a second!" You rushed to put in your silver hoops, grabbed your purse and threw your fur coat over your shoulder, before walking inside your living room like the hallway was a catwalk.

Roger, who was looking out of the window, turned to face you when he heard your steps grow closer, and his jaw fell when he caught sight of you.

"What do you think?" You said with a small smile before making a twirl. He looked at you up and down and stayed silent for a couple of seconds. Your confidence flaked momentarily. "Is it too much?"

Roger blinked rapidly, getting out of his trance before approaching you quickly. "No no no, you look just..." he grabbed your hand. "Stunning" he said in a breath and you blushed, looking down with a smile.

The relationship between the both of you was... complicated. You weren't a couple but... you weren't friends. It was that stage where you both knew you liked each other but none of you was bold enough to make a move, which had all your friends up the walls, specially Freddie.

You took a moment to appreciate Roger's outfit. He was wearing some grey dressing pants matched with a grey blazed and below this one, a plain white t-shirt.

"You look great as well" you commented, and you could see how his cheeks grew hotter.

"Thanks" he muttered and he cleared his throat. "Should we get going?" He said and started walking towards the door.

"Wait." You said and he turned around with a curious expression. "Are you sure I haven't overdone it? What if a creep approaches me or something?"

"Hey, you look perfect, trust me" he said softly and cupped your cheek. "I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me." You nodded. "Now let's go or we'll be late!" And with this he dragged you out the door.

It was around 2 am and you were already drunk off your ass. You were having the time of your life with all your groups of friends, who had gotten with each other instantly, and you were glad this didn't turn into an awkward meeting.

After the first chattering and birthday shots, you got to the dance floor and were killing it in there. You knew you attracted looks, and you were loving it, holding people's attention had always been something that made you feel powerful. Specially if it was that person's attention.

You could feel Roger's glare on you every time you were up there, and that single thing had you moving more sensually than ever.

Meanwhile, the drummer had been groaning all night long like a little child. All he wanted to do was stand up and kiss you and hold you close, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He knew you were dacing with guys to to tease him (not only did he know, but the cocky glances you have him when someone got too close made it obvious). He knew it, and still the only thing he could do was sit down and cross his arms with a frown.

"Roger, just bloody do something, for God's sake!" John exclaimed with the sudden urge of throwing his drink at his stupid blond friend.

He glared at him. "I never recall telling you when to go after a girl." John rolled his eyes.

"Maybe because I'm fucking married?"

"That's not the point" the bassist quirked his eyebrows. "Look, it's my choice to do something or not, right Fred?"

"Huh?" Freddie asked, completely oblivious to he conversation, as he had been chatting up a guy before Roger interrupted them.

"John says that I should make a move on Y/N but I said it's my choice."

"Oh dear, Deaky's obviously right." He shrugged.

"Of course you're gonna team up with him!" He groaned once again and turned to the guitarist, who was watching the situation with amusement. "Brian??"

"Sorry mate, you're wrong."

"Are you all shitting me?!" He exclaimed just when there was a moment of silence between songs, and you turned around at the sound of his voice to see Roger going off at his 3 band mates, who were looking at him trying not to laugh.

You chuckled softly and decided it to go grab a drink, feeling thirsty and tried. You approached the the bar counter and ordered it while you bopped slightly to the song playing, a habit you had picked up from John.

"Hey, babygirl" a voice said and you turned your head. A man stood next to you, and the mere sight of him made an uneasy feeling set in your stomach that said: danger.

You gave him an awkward smile and turned your head around, trying to avoid him and tapping your foot in nervousness, wishing for the barman to give you your drink already. He scooted closer.

"What is a pretty thing like you doing alone?"

"Got a boyfriend, sorry" you lied, knowing from experience that he wouldn't leave you alone with a simple 'I'm not interested'. He didn't seem to back down, though.

"And he let you go out looking like a slut?" Your mouth went dry. "Something bad could happen to you, babygirl."

'Fuck my drink' you thought, and tried to walk away, but he grabbed you by the arm.

"Want to have some fun?" He pressed his hardened bulge against you, and you swore you would have vomited if you had felt him touching you for a second longer, but suddenly he let go of you.

It all happened so quickly you didn't quite catch the process, but Roger had punched him so hard the creep instantly got knocked out.

You stared at the drummer in surprise as he looked down at the unconscious guy in the most hateful way you'd ever seen.

You knew Roger was a big pacifist, so why would he punch him? But just then, all the events that happened a few moments ago replayed in your mind and you understood. You felt sick.

Rapidly you got out of the pub and started emptying the contents in your stomach as soon and you were outside, one hand holding yourself on the building wall and the other one grabbing your hair.

You saw a figure appear out of the corner of your eye and got startled, but calmed down when you saw it was Roger. He held your hair and rubbed your back, trying to calm you down.

"It's alright, love. Everything is fine now." He whispered reassuringly.

When nothing else could come out, you spitted and cleaned your mouth with the sleeve of your t-shirt, knowing it could be cleaned later.

You incorporated with difficulties, and Roger covered you with your faux coat.

"Let's go home" he said and you nodded.

You both linked arms and started walking towards his house, which was a few blocks away, in complete silence.

This worried Roger senseless, but he decided not to comment on it.

As for you? A thousand thoughts circled your head, and yet you felt numb. As a girl, it wasn't uncommon for you to recieve sexual harassment (the catcalls down the street never seemed to leave your life), but it had never gone to that extreme. You felt disgusted and there was nothing to do about it.

The worst thing was, part of you really wanted to blame yourself. 'It's your fault for wearing what you wore' but knew for a damn fact that wasn't true. It wasn't your fault at all, but the sting of blame didn't leave your mind. It hurt more that the stupid stilettos that were destroying your feet while walking the cold London streets.

Before you noticed, you had reached your destination, and still in a deadly silence, you both stepped inside the warm house.

"Are you okay?" Roger blurted out, genuinely concerned.

Only then you allowed yourself to break down, and you sobbed while your legs gave up under you.

Roger's reflexes thankfully reacted and he grabbed you before you fell on the floor. "Don't cry, love. He's not worth your tears." He was right, but you couldn't help but cry even harder, and he hugged you with the same intensity. "It's alright babe, I've got you."

You stayed like this for several minutes, until you calmed down enough to be able to talk and think properly. "I'm sorry" you slurred out. "Got some make up on you..." You pointed at the shoulder you'd been crying on, where a dark stain painted the clear fabric. He scoffed.

"I don't care about the damn blazer. I just care that you're okay." He was holding you close by the waist and looking down at you with he most loving expression that made butterflies fly in your stomach.

"I'm fine. I know that asshole shouldn't have had this effect on me, but you don't know how scary that was." Your voice broke halfway through, but you didn't allow yourself to cry once again.

"You're right, I don't, and I'm sorry it is the way it is. No one deserves to be treated like that." He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. You shrugged.

"It's fine, I guess. I don't think there's nothing we can do about it." You half smiled. "It could have been so much worse though, he could have really hurt me."

"I told you you're safe with me" he said and you hit his chest.

"Fucking smug asshole" you said with a playful smile you couldn't hide.

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth, lady?" He quirked his eyebrows up with an amused tone.

"I do, but I rather kiss someone else right now" you boldly said, and Roger's expression changed completely, his mouth opening to form an 'oh'.

With a new sense of bravery, you approached him and you could sense the sparks fly around the room when your lips finally connected together.

It wasn't a rushed or intense kiss. Actually, it was soft and light, but full of meaning. You could have stayed like this forever.

When you separated, you joined foreheads together, both of you laughing shyly with burning cheeks.

"Let's get you to bed" he said between heavy breaths, and you nodded, letting him guide you through the house holding hands.

When you got to the spare room, and you sat on the bed, you felt like you were going to pass out out of tiredness and you closed your eyes.

"Nu-uh, no sleeping yet. C'mon let's get your make up off." You opened your eyes dramatically.

"God, I forgot I was wearing make up, I must look horrible right now." You covered your face. "Don't look at me! I'm too horrible to see." Roger giggled while he took the hands off your face.

"Has no one ever told you that lying is wrong? You look gorgeous." he said and kissed your nose before he started taking your make up off with some wipes.

"Thanks, boooo" you smiled while you dragged the words out of your mouth.

You didn't really know how much time it went by, but soon enough Roger had left you alone with some clothes for you to change on them and wishing you goodnight.

You clumsily put them on, got inside the bed and closed your eyes, trying to summon sleep.

It must have been around an hour since you were trying to fall asleep, but there was no way to do it.

The persistent thoughts, the lonely feeling, the intense smell of Roger everywhere... You couldn't take it anymore.

You got up and blindly walked through the dark hallway until you reached his bedroom and walked inside. He was laying in deep sleep, back turned to you.

For a second you felt bad for interrupting his sleep. It was just a second, though.

"Roger" you whispered. No answer. "ROGER" you screamed-whispered. He groaned and turned around, looking at you with half closed eyes and confusion.

"Y/N?"

"I can’t sleep, can I stay here?" You said without any kind of shame.

He took a second to process that, and when he did, he eagerly moved the covers for you to get inside.

Once you did, you sighed, feeling pure bliss and you glanced at him. He was awkwardly looking at you, not sure what to do, so you cuddled agasint his chest and threw an arm around his waist, and he was quick to hold you back.

"I feel like I'm about to get the best sleep ever" you mumbleded agasint him and he chuckled.

"Shut up and fall asleep already" tiredness could be spotted in his voice and you snuzzled closer to him.

"Sweet dreams, Roggie" you kissed his warm chest lazily, already feeling sleep overpowering you.

"They'll only be sweet if you're in them, love." He kissed your forehead. "Good night, sweetheart". You smiled contemptly.

'Well' you thought just before falling asleep, 'maybe my birthday wasn't that bad after all'.

#roger taylor #freddie mercury #john deacon #brian may #roger taylor x reader #fanfic #queen fanfiction #queen #queen band

[phveniix]

✧ · ˚ . reece king? nah, that’s just phoenix “nix” campbell. you know, they’re the twenty-five year-old musician from manchester… still doesn’t ring a bell ? come on, dude ! they’re all over ME.MIAMI’S homepage. it’s impossible for them to stay off of it because of the fact that they’re super pretentious & spacey. they’re not all bad though, ‘cause they can be intelligent & personable too ! you can totally tell they’re a libra… it’s almost scary. look, if you want to remember them, just think of clothes that always smell like weed and cigarettes, organized chaos in a bedroom, and a 3am drive with the music turned up , and you’ll be golden. ( he/him, cismale. ) 

hello babies !! it me lainie back from the dead now that the semester is over n i’m so excited to bring u my brand new bby boy. the intro got kind of long so at the bottom (before the connection ideas) u can find a tl;dr :’)

tws for drug use/abuse and mental illness

background

nix grew up in hardcore suburbia in manchester, england. his parents were just sort of……….basic parents? attentive and loving but with issues of their own. he inherited anxiety and depressive disorders from both of them so his childhood was rough not because his parents didn’t try to be there for him (he had a lot of issues with his dad though) but bc his mental illnesses just made it hard to be a teenager (harder than usual fdhgsjsj). it led to a lot of drug abuse when he was in high school, and he was one of those kids where he was like really smart and did exceptionally well when he went to class so his teachers and his parents got on his case about it but he just wasn’t in the state of mind for giving a shit about school.

he and his friends got up to a lot of shit even when he was not in one of his depressive episodes just bc like it was boring suburbia and they had nothing better to do than drive around smoking weed and drinking beer. on the side nix was starting to get into pills and his friends were like *eyes emoji* but they were 16/17 so they didn’t rly know what to do about it ydgfuhjsa

he spent some time in an adolescent psychiatric ward of a hospital while he was in high school bc his parents were like okay something needs to be done !! and it didn’t really help. he did graduate high school, but it literally just took getting older and learning to deal with his mental shit to stop abusing drugs eventually. which did not happen fast

at 18 he went to New York by himself to attend NYU for music but dropped out in his second year when the band he and one of his friends had gotten together started getting actual attention on two eps they’d put out. his parents weren’t THRILLED bc they wanted him to have a degree (and they’d literally helped him pay for going to another country specifically for school purposes) but they were like really excited about the success so in that regard they were Cool with it. what they weren’t Cool with was how the shows and the lifestyle were conducive to his drug habits, of which they were very much aware (from all the way back in manchester) despite his trying to hide it and lie about.

so when he was 20 the band finally dropped their debut album and it was wildly successful and nix rly grew to have a toxic relationship with the career itself and the fame that came with it. the depression and anxiety were always still there and those random episodes he’d have on top of the pressure of doing shows and wanting to connect with his fanbase was what ultimately led him to doing harder drugs than pills, and it turned into a full on addiction. they almost broke up as a band a few times, his friend he started it with threatened to kick him out once, and there were multiple instances of him tweeting or saying insane shit while he was fucked up and then having to delete it later and pretend it never happened yguhkjksa

it was when they were in the middle of writing their second album (when he was 21) that nix finally hit rock bottom and checked himself into rehab (with the help of casey). he was there for three months, got sober, and for the first time he actually stayed that way a while.

so they finished the second album, it was just as successful, and by the time he was 23 they had a rly solid fan base and some international recognition and nix was still sober and things were relatively Good. he moved to miami when casey did bc he was like ok why tf not lmao and the whole ass band came to miami to start working on their third album. i imagine he dated a bit in this time, probably had one really healthy relationship for a while, and it was probably that relationship that got destroyed when he finally relapsed at 24 during an especially bad depressive episode that coincided with a big show for a festival. it was rly obvious he was high but it didn’t cause a scene or anything, people were just like hell yeah we’re all high it’s a festival lmao yeruhw but his friends and gf afterwards were like ??? hello !!! really ???!! so that was a thing again for a good 5 or 6 months until, once again, he hit a rly scary rock bottom and had to go to rehab.

and he got clean. again. and it stuck, again. he’s currently still clean and he and his band are working on their third album again yeet

personality

so nix is like…..a sensitive soul eryguhsja like yes he’s rly sarcastic and dry and can unintentionally come off as pretentious but he’s very personable and outgoing and just rly enjoys talking to people and like?? engaging in human interaction. when his anxiety gets really bad he’ll withdraw a lot and it’ll be really obvious and the same goes for the depression. when he’s having episodes, it’s like rly clear bc he’ll be moody and irritable and start reverting to bad habits

his favorite thing in the world is writing music bc he loves expressing his emotions and he feels like he does it best that way. so it’s also like rly meaningful to him when people like his music bc it’s like validation of himself and who he is yk

pansexual king

used to sleep around a lot and had an unhealthy relationship with that too especially when he was on drugs. now he like still enjoys it but doesn’t go out looking for it usually and would in general prefer a relationship probably ?? we’ll see

his aesthetic is p much thrifty clothes, big shirts, band tees, jeans and converse, the no sleep bags under his eyes a little too skinny for comfort look, small heavy metal boy even tho his music is lowkey soft, smelling like cigarettes and weed all the time

he’s so obsessed with the idea of love and human connection and shit like that. he’s always analyzing people and relationships (even ones that aren’t his own) and the world and being pretentious xisbdjskdb but like genuinely he just has a really oddly optimistic romanticized view of humanity and the world for someone who’s dealt w so much shit

also like he can come off like i don’t give a shit what anyone thinks!!!! but he actually cares so so much about what everyone thinks and even he will admit that djsbdkwndj

tl;dr born in manchester, england, moved to the states to go to nyu for music, dropped out when his band (the dead lights) started making it big, has had drug problems most of his life, been in and out of rehab, currently clean and working on the band’s third album. pretentious and can come off as a smartass but is actually v personable and kind and is obsessed with the idea of love and tends to romanticize absolutely everything from relationships to the world to literally other people’s relationships

connection ideas

if there’s a 1975 song that fits ur muse or one of ur muse’s relationships??? lmk bc nix will write it about them/their relationship !! a lot of his songs are stories abt other people he finds interesting

his band thank u !!! guitar, keyboard, drums, backing vocals, the works. one of them would be the one who started the band w him while he was at nyu and they’d be rly close and maybe live together

the girl he was dating when he relapsed the second time in miami !! up to plotting how it ended tbh

ok like bad influences who were maybe people he was friends with when he was doing drugs?? who like lowkey try to get him back into it??

and good influences ofc of all kinds!

smoking buddies/a weed dealer

unrequited things on both ends please please please i REALLY want him to have a thing for someone in a relationship who he can’t have but wants so badly

enemies ofc bc I’m angsty!!! Maybe people who think he’s a pretentious wannabe poser try-hard

also ex friends possibly either bc they couldn’t handle him at his worst OR bc he cut them off bc like nix will do that if he doesn’t like someone’s vibe

I don’t think he does many collabs on his own albums (possibly some random singles tho???) but gimme things where he featured on other people’s music

#ritzyintros #this is a mess lads

[symphonic--chaos]

Empires of Brick and Blood Chapter 7 - Perfringo Rating: M This chapter is set to the song: Teeth - Five Seconds of Summer

Also posted on AO3

The stiff hospital bed had been nothing but torture to Bane's back and when he was finally back into his own bed, it was like falling into a firm cloud. Jacob and Izzy had made sure to fill his fridge with everything he would have needed, getting him pillows and blankets despite his assurance that he could do it all himself, but they had spouted doctor's orders. It was three days before Alec was knocking on his door, bringing him more drinks per Izzy's order, and filling the shelves that were already overburdened by food. Jacob left hesitantly and with Bane's persistence that he was fine, taking his chances on being alone with Alec. "So... You want to explain the whole Largo thing?" Alec asked from his spot on the bottom right corner of Bane's bed, his legs crossed in front of him as he watched Bane's fingers, toying with small cat child's plush toy that Izzy had given to him. "Not really, but I know you won't leave me alone until I do, right?" Bane mused, a small smile on his face as he finally looked up to Alec. "I mean... yeah. You're kind of a big deal to us, and that's not me trying to inflate your ego, so don't even think about it." "It's okay, Alec, you don't have to lie to me." Bane sighed out with a dismissive wave and a smile, though it faded as he realized he really would have to explain it if he wanted to keep some semblance of trust with Alec. Izzy was already being too wary around him and that in itself was enough to give his chest tinges of pain. "My great, great grandfather was a mistake."

Bane started as Alec opened his mouth to fight him on what he'd said previously. "Amber fucked around a lot, but her biggest mistake was fucking around with my great, great, great grandfather, Graverobber. I won't tell you his real name," Bane added as he saw Alec's eyes narrow in confusion. "She had gotten so much surgery that she had been told she'd likely never conceive, so she never cared about being careful. She also never cared about seeing a doctor after her father died and she took over GeneCo, and the doctor would have told her she was pregnant. Grandpa was a surprise, but luckily for him, I guess, she decided that her brothers were fuckups and she was going to have to carry on the line. I've also heard that she was also stubborn and wanted to prove to everyone that she was everything opposite what her father said she was." Bane shifted, grabbing the glass of water nearby to take a sip from it, keeping it between his hands as he looked over to the nearby window, the looming building with the half broken GeneCo sign in the distance. "So she had him, she raised him, and she wrote in the will that GeneCo will never belong to anyone but a Largo. If we were all to fall, and she was positive that we wouldn't because they were greedy, power hungry dicks, then no one would have it and it was to immediately be shut down, per orders of the lawyers who would then be in power of it. My great, great grandfather took after her. Selfish, vain, quick to lash out rather than think rationally first, but somehow, someone loved him. Their kid followed suit, our line just getting more and more cruel as they went until they had my grandmother, Deliliah, who was, for some reason, completely opposite of them. All the stories I ever heard of her, she was sweet and kind, forward thinking and wanted to help people instead of just focusing on money. She talked her father into believing that she wanted to travel, which I guess she did, but really it was her escaping them. My grandmother told me she went from here to Milan, Milan to Sicily, Sicily to England and on and on. She met my grandfather in Indonesia and it took her years and her father on his deathbed to come back longer than a few days visit. By then my mother was fifteen and got a hard lesson in seeing how ugly the world could be in our family. Delilah told me before she died that everything was so different here that she was disgusted and hoped that she was never seen as selfish as them. Where she was the oldest, GeneCo went to her when her father handed it down, but she had her brother be in the office for her, she just handled financials and big decisions from back home. Still following along?" Alec nodded and shifted, accepting a pillow when it was offered so he could lean against the wall beside him, comfortably settling down and seeming interested so far, which was a relief to Bane. When his phone chimed, he looked at the screen for a short moment and then turned off the sound, the screen soon after. "So if they went back to Indonesia, did everything go smoothly?" "No, it turned into a total shitshow. Her brother got greedy, wound up murdering their sister and tried to go behind my grandmothers back to overthrow her through bullshit lies given to the lawyers." Bane shrugged when Alec looked surprised, the simple response of 'Largo' an acceptable enough answer. "My grandfather and mother stayed in Indonesia while my grandmother came back to handle everything. Everything started to really go downhill then, that's when a lot of the corruption got the best of my grandmother and family matters started really taking a toll. People were complaining about GeneCo, people were being murdered left and right, and my grandmother was desperately trying to fix everything all by herself. She'd had her brother arrested, she was trying to handle my great grandfather's Alzheimer's, then my great grandmother dying. My mother was pregnant with me when she, my grandfather, and her then-boyfriend, and the house staff they brought moved into the building you're all in. My grandparents tried holding the fort down, and my mother decided, watching them, that this wasn't what she wanted, and my father didn't either." Bane took in a slow breath as he looked down to the water with a frown, tapping on the glass lightly with his fingers. Alec almost wanted to reach forward and comfort him even though he was unsure what it would be for, but before he could move, Bane offered him a bitter smile and continued on. "So they gave me to the help when I was born, and told the family that I had died during childbirth, because that was what happened to the maids daughter, who she was training to take her place. They hid me from the family so that I wouldn't be corrupted by it, so I wouldn't have to deal with all the death and destruction and terrible shit people knew about my family and our past. My blood says I'm part of the Largo clan, but my papers said I was a Soh. My mother got pregnant again a three years later, but he was killed in an accident when he was 15, drunk driver on Christmas Eve. He was a big loss not just to them, but me. He knew about me, we were best friends." Alec frowned, thinking of Izzy then, knowing how devastated he would be if he'd lost her. When they moved here and she started going out to clubs and hanging out in the alleys with the people that his father liked to describe as 'undesirables'. They were dangerous and Alec always worried about his little sister being out there with them, about what could happen to her. Bane was top of that list, and for weeks Alec had been put into a mental state by his father that Bane was that number one undesirable that had to be taken down despite all the other dealers. Bane was smart, he was quick and good at evading, he would be the hardest to get and that was why they needed to focus on him first. 'Power play', Alec had thought when he'd made the first city-wide announcement to Bane that he was after him. Things seemed so different now that he was hearing Bane's backstory, now that he was learning about his losses and the struggles that not only he but his family had gone through in trying to change their name. "I'm sorry... I can't even begin to think of how terrible that must have felt. I don't want to. Izzy..." "I don't want you to think of that. I'm sure at this point I may feel just as close to that were anything to happen to her, and nothing will. Not from any of my people, I promise." Both Alec and Bane were quiet for a moment, Bane studying Alec's face as he looked down at his hands, clearly talking about losing a sibling had really struck a nerve in him. It wasn't longer than a minute before Alec cleared his throat and lifted his head, his fingers fidgeting with the edge of the blanket beside him. "So... how did you come up with Bane? Why don't you go by Magnus?" "When I was 16, things were getting really rough with street gangs and people were getting especially... hateful towards the Largo's. My parents, the one's I was given to, and also my biological ones were getting anxious. They had my adoptive family change their names and released them from their work. My biological parents made sure that money still came in to take care of all of us, they'd all been basically like family in the end because they were together for decades. My second mother renamed herself Niida, my second father went by Daksa. My mother had named me Magnus before giving me to them and requested it stay like that. She believed I'd live up to it, I'd be the 'greatest'. Greatest at what, I'm not sure, but she told my second mother that she believed some day I would change the world. My second mother told me almost every day that she believed it too, that I had to be good and pure, and I had to help people, not hurt them. I can tell you one thing that I became great at, you know?" Alec resisted the urge to take the pillow behind him to hit Bane directly in the face, wanting to wipe that wiggling eyebrow and flirty grin off his lips. He resisted. It took all of his willpower, but Alec resisted. "I could literally see the struggle on your face." Bane pointed out with a laugh before finishing the water in the glass and putting it aside on the nightstand.  "When the plague hit, it was rough. People dying left and right. Watching the police come through, killing every cat they found. They'd come door to door, they took the one I had for almost ten years and euthanized it right in front of me. My grandmother got sick from one of the affected cats outside and we lost her that summer. My mother went shortly after her. My father managed to avoid it, and I wish I could have said the same for my second parents, but the police had thought they were affected by the 'plague' too... I lost everyone. Really fast. It was a blessing and a curse, because I was alone, sick, and I didn't know what to do. Jacob had a friend who worked in a lab that thought they'd found the cure, but it was too risky to try it out, so no doctors would allow it. I had nothing to lose at that point, so I had them try it on me." Bane moved the hair out of his face, exposing the cat eye shaped pupil, fingers brushing the hair back idly as he knew he didn't have to hide it from Alec. "It worked, but I was far enough along that I still had a lot of side effects. This, whatever this is that I can do with my hands." They glowed a faint blue as Bane looked down at them, fingers curling and the glow growing brighter into what looked like flames before extinguishing. "A lot of people got mutated by it. I saw some guy lift a car and throw it halfway across the block. I never thought I'd see a plague mask outside of a costume, and as a history lover, it was exciting to read about, but living it is... terrible." Alec said quietly, remembering how quickly his mother had ushered them from place to place until they settled in New York City, the first place to eradicate the issue. "How do you think it changes the Zydrate?" Bane looked perplexed, his hands and shoulders lifting slightly in an 'I don't know' way. "If I had access to a lab and scientists, I could probably tell you. But I don't and--" "I can probably get you into ours. Let me see what we can do and maybe we'll figure out how your zydrate is different. I have a few conferences and debates to go to, so it may take me a week or so." "You're really going for that leader position, huh? Going to let your parents talk you into it?" Bane frowned, thanks to a late night talk with Izzy, he knew it was something Alec didn't want to do at all. Presidency had died long ago, even mayors were a thing of the past, but each town always had *someone* that was a leader. Someone that made the decisions and called the shots, and usually that was the person with the most money. Due to taking over GeneCo and the Largo's estate, all while bringing their own from their previous home, it was the Lightwood's. "How else are we going to save the city? My father sure as fuck won't do it. He'll just ruin it. He'll run it right into the ground and get everyone killed on the way. He'd rather kill than talk things through." Alec sighed as he moved off the bed, draining the drink he'd brought with him. "Though, speaking of, I have to go and meet up with him and the others. Max is back from school, and our other brother, Jace, is visiting with his girlfriend, so we're having a 'Family dinner'." He said the last bit in air quotes and with a roll of his eyes. "How domestic and cute of you, Alexander." Bane mused and watched Alec take the glass from beside him, disappearing into the kitchen and returning with it full.

"Don't call me Alexander, Magnus." Alec retorted as he put the glass down on the nightstand again, almost laughing at the loud gasp that came from Bane, his mouth forming an 'O'.

"WHAT did you just call m--"

"Don't get worked up, remember? Doctor's orders!" Alec chided as a smile crossed his face, waving as he backed towards the door.

"ALEC GET BACK HERE AND-"

--

The wall rattled as Bane's back met it, a grunt coming from deep from within his chest. Two of six frames that all held different mix-up's of smiling Lightwood faces fell to the floor on impact, the glass shattering within their wooden confines. Naturally tan skin bruised red and purple as teeth tightened painfully at the junction between his shoulder and neck, Alec's hips pressing up harsh against Bane's ass as his fingers left bruises on Bane's hips. The dealer had been off the streets for a little over two months now, his most faithful and trusted taking over in helping those in the alley. Once Alec and the doctors had confirmed the man they withheld in the cell, an addicted user that once relied on Bane like a baby did its mother, had successfully overcome his addiction to the neon blue drug, they had begun bringing Bane the vials in larger amounts to test on others in their hold. Alec was desperate to get the addicts under control to get the city cleaned up, Robert was desperate (and unknowing of this operation) to get money flowing back into the GeneCo business, Jacob and Izzy were desperate to help anyone they were able to on the streets and off, and Bane didn't want to see anyone else he cared for die of overdoses or at the hands of the Repo men. All of those desperate paled in comparison, currently, to the two within the Lightwood estate, locked away in Alec's home office. An office which, Bane had noted, was on its own floor of the high-rise building that they all resided in. Each member of the family with the exception of the youngest and the parents, who lived together, had their own floor as their 'apartment'. Excessive, but a bit impressive. Due to this excessive wealth and privacy, no one would hear their panting, the loud, wanton moans coming from Bane, or the pleasured groans from the one that had him pinned against the wall. A slick tongue trailed over the scar left behind from the surgery, Alec feeling a twinge of guilt for a split second, though the pressure around his cock and the way Bane's fingers pulled desperately at messy black locks wiped it away no more than a second later. With a turn and shuffle caused by the fitted black jeans bunched around Alec's thighs, a flex of strong arm muscles, Alec had lifted and pulled himself free from Bane much to the dismay of both parties. Bane was turned and moved forward, his chest pressed down against the desk in front of him. Ring adorned fingers barely had time to shove away the offending papers and pens in his face, mistakenly shoving what he thought was empty but was actually a half full cup of coffee off with them. Neither cared about the wet mess it made as it splattered across the floor because Alec was once again buried in Bane's ass and Bane's fingers had found the edge of the desk opposite of where he was bent. The focus was clear when one angled thrust had a guttural moan resounding off the walls that had yet to be assaulted by the feral, rough fuck taking place on the desk. The new heart pounded within Bane's chest as Alec picked up that pace he'd had once before, one of Alec's hands curled around Bane's right shoulder, his left tangling into the mess of a braid and giving a harsh yank back, Alec trying to coax those moans out any way he could. Icy blue eyes raked over the tattoo that filled Bane's back, the shapes identical and mirrored, the hand holding his shoulder firmly moving lower to the center of the mandala pattern to shove Bane down as Bane's arms shifted under him to prop himself up. "Ah ah ah, stay down." Alec said lowly in panted breaths, a wolfish grin crossing his face as his hips snapped forward, his free hand at Bane's shoulder pulling Bane's body back, down and hard to meet it. "Don't fucking st-ahhh....start now, Alec," Bane groaned, moving his arms yet again to try and prop himself up. Alec paused his movements, pulling out entirely from the tight heat he'd been so pleasantly sheathed within to deny pleasure while he grabbed Bane's forearms, yanking them roughly behind Bane's back so one hand could grip both wrists comfortably, keeping them where he wanted them. What Alec couldn't see from this position was the pleased grin on Bane's face, this rough hold something he ached for, something he had missed in the two months he'd been confined to his home or outside with 'limited adrenaline inducing actions'. It was something he'd never known he enjoyed until Alec because no one had played cat and mouse with him like this, and for once he wasn't the cat. "What was that? I don't think you're in a position to be telling me what to do." Alec breathed out, his tip teasing and prodding before pressing slowly, fully, into him once again at such a slow pace he almost hated himself for doing it. The draw back was equally as torturous and it was at that moment Alec knew it was *not* something he could keep up. "You're a pain in my ass." Bane's words carried the grin that Alec could see so clearly in his mind, one that brought a smile to his own face. That in itself was something foreign that he'd come to find himself doing more often as Bane was recovering and both Alec, Izzy, and Jacob took turns bringing him what he needed. Spending time with Bane hadn't been on the agenda, usually Alec kept to a strict schedule, but he had found himself being late for meetings and appointments due to staying to learn more about Bane each time something came up. Alec also found himself telling Bane too much about himself as the cracks in his wall were found and Bane took a sledgehammer to them. The legs of the desk gave a complaining creak and screeched on the wood floor as Alec snapped his hips forward, starting a pace that rivaled that of what they'd had at the wall. A shuddered 'Fuck' was muttered into the desk as Alec felt Bane's body nearly melted below him, Bane's head soon lowering with a moan accompanied a thud and followed with an 'OW, FUCK' as Bane's forehead dropped against the desk, eliciting a laugh from Alec as he kept moving. The pain didn't last long for Bane, Alec made sure to distract him plenty as one hand went down to wrap around Bane's cock, achingly hard and weeping with the precum that Alec's thumb was lucky enough to swipe. Bane's ass tightened around Alec, his arms aching as they struggled to get out of the hold and his body tried to decide whether to push back against Alec to meet those thrusts or to move forward into the hand that worked him from below their bodies. A flash of heat pitted low in Alec's stomach, all of his thoughts melting away as he began focusing on it, chasing that release that was always unlike the others he had while Bane had been holed away, and never with others (despite the attempt to go out and 'mingle' as Izzy had suggested,) but solely with his own hand. Alec let out a shuddering breath as he slowed his pace for just a moment, his chest heaving at their efforts, his and Bane's hands and bodies growing slick with sweat, making it difficult to keep a good grip. No, this wasn't what he wanted to see anymore. With one final torturous change in position, Bane was splayed out on the desk in front of him, one leg curled over Alec's shoulder and the other resting over the arm propping him into the perfect position. Once more Bane's fingers were curled around the edge above him, his body writhing on the desk mat that shifted with each squirm. A face that Alec had despised and hadn't wanted to see other than behind cell doors was, as of late, one he couldn't stop thinking about. There was no doubt about why, Alec was far from stupid, but he knew the reason was one that he wanted to avoid at all costs. Yet, here they were, at Alec's doing at that. "Stay there," Bane blurted out suddenly as Alec had shifted forward, finding that spot once more that he liked so much. The spot that made Bane, the calm and collected one, the tight knot of a person that no one could loosen, unravel. It was like something snapped in Alec then, the selfish need to get that release his body screamed for mixing with the urge to break Bane. "Oh fuck!" Came the gasp from below as Alec exploited the bundle of nerves with ruthless thrusts. The tension and heat was the driving force behind Alec's movements, one that was closely mirrored by Bane's own, his knuckles white from gripping the desk edge. "Touch yourself, I want to watch," The words were forced but hushed, almost drowned out by the sound of their bodies meeting, the slick skin on skin of two who couldn't deny a basic human carnal delight. A hum rumbled deep in Alec's chest as he watched one of Bane's hands compliantly lower to wrap around himself, the strokes moving quickly with their pace. It wouldn't last much longer as Alec would find, feeling the way Bane's legs tensed, tightening around where they were perched around him, his body writhing from the mixed pleasure. Bane could feel everything in him tensing, his body screaming for its release and after two months, he wasn't going to deny himself anything anymore, especially not with the perfect view of Alec in front of him, hungry eyes taking in every vulnerably exposed inch of him. There was no warning other than what his body could give Alec, that tension within him snapping like a wire drawn too tight as his back arched slightly off the desk, Alec's arm holding and supporting Bane as he came, a mess of cum painting Bane's chest as Alec's name flooded the room in a choked moan. Alec let out a harsh breath at the sudden tightening around him but was quick to work into it, using that friction and the view of Bane in front of him to finish himself off, ignoring the brief and quiet groan of discomfort from Bane as Alec allowed himself to let go and lose the control he always had over himself. Bane's leg was slipped from over his arm to his shoulder as Alec's arm shifted to the desk, his body leaning forward and pressing closer to Bane's as he buried himself within him, two snaps of his hips finally bringing that relief that he so craved for too long now. The movements, once rough, erratic, now slowed to a stop, Alec's chest heaving as he used Bane's legs to lean against long enough to catch his breath before he straightened up with weak knees. Alec didn't realize his thumbs were rubbing the back of Bane's thighs as he pulled out, a small show of aftercare that he had never bothered to do before, though it seemed like Bane didn't realize it either even as shaking thighs dropped to the desk. Bane's fingers ached as he released the desk, finally, the digits curling into his palms to stretch after a small flourish of his hand to get his wrist to crack, his eyes following Alec as he moved away from the trash, not caring to hide the condom like he normally did whenever they fucked somewhere that wasn't Bane's place, where the trash was handled by staff or dug through by alley lurkers. Bane didn't say anything about it this time, usually his smartass comment would come straight to mind and right out of his mouth without a second thought, instead focusing on grabbing a tissue from the box nearby and using it to clean the mess on his stomach and chest. "What time is the meeting with the lab tomorrow?" Bane inquired quietly as Alec pulled up his pants and zipped them up, scanning the room next for wherever he'd thrown Bane's clothing. "7:30." Alec moved to grab Bane's pants and shirt, as well as the bottle of still open and leaking lube that had been thrown aside when it hadn't been needed. Bane's brow lifted when the bottle was closed and cleaned off with another tissue as he got dressed, Alec storing the bottle in one of the desk drawers. He was looking forward to putting that to use again, and he could only wonder if Alec was, too. "I'm going out with your sister until about 7, I'll meet up with you at my place then?" Bane asked as his fingers ran through his mess of hair, brushing the stray bits back and out of his face but not bothering to redo the loose braid. "Yeah, that sounds fine. My father and mother will be out of town tomorrow until Sunday, so we should be somewhat okay." Alec hummed as he watched Bane, his eyes briefly running over the bruised bite mark he'd left on Bane's neck as a small crooked grin began forming on his lips. "What are you smiling about?" Bane's eyes narrowed suspiciously, one hand instinctively going to run over his neck and collarbone. "What?" "Nothing."  --- "We need to change the chemical composition of it. It's addictive because it's mixed with an opioid, right? A huge dose of it, that's why they get so hooked on the high after surgery, and come to find us." The scientists to Bane's left and right nodded in confirmation as they looked over the structural formula on the paper in front of them that they had provided Bane with. "How do you know all this?" Alec was across the table looking at Bane with a shocked look on his face, one that didn't get passed Bane, who could only assume that the Lightwood had underestimated his intelligence level. "I may deal drugs, but I'm not a moron, Mr. Lightwood. I had schooling in chemistry and, just like any product a seller has, they should know what's in it." The women looked at each other, the slight annoyance in Bane's voice on top of the known on and off feud between the two well known within laboratory walls of the institute. The two put their careers, even potentially their lives, at risk assisting the two. Alec had come to speak to them about someone wanting to create a zydrate that wasn't addictive, something they had been interested in almost immediately due to either having lost someone in their family to an overdose of the drug or to the Repo men. Once a plan had been set in motion, they all worked together to sneak Bane into the Institute, hurrying him into the lab where only they and the other scientists had secured badge access. Even Robert couldn't get in without one of them with him. "What's the opiate then?" Bane asked the two, the steely gaze softening as he looked to the two beside him, then back down to the paper as his eyes scanned over the hexagons on the sheet, following along the different components that made up zydrate. "Oxy..." "Morphone." The raven-haired woman to his left finished. "Oxymorphone..." Bane repeated and looked over at Alec then, sliding the paper over to him even though he knew Alec wouldn't understand. "I'm going to need more zydrate, and you're going to have to get Izzy to bring it to me if the guards are watching you as much as you say they are. It's not just me you need to sneak around now, it's them and anyone else that helps, too." He said as he motioned to the women beside them. "How do we find out how you change the Zydrate we give you?" Alec asked as he looked down at the paper, he would have no problems admitting he wasn't sure what it was outside of a basic High School level knowledge of chemistry. "I'll have to change one and they'll have to compare the two to each other and see what's different. Normally this would be easy, you just remove the opiate, but if you want to keep going the way your surgeons work... They release people a few days later and boast about how you won't feel a thing. If you take the opiates out, with the level of surgery they're getting, you're going to have people in agony and in the hospital longer, or at home, unsupervised, with Zydrate. I'm assuming that's two things you don't want to happen." Bane met Alec's gaze, surprisingly soft towards him before Alec seemed to catch himself and look to the scientists. "Is there another drug we can go to? The Zydrate they're getting on the streets, other than yours now," he motioned to Bane, "is just a designer drug the other dealers are getting from the leftovers in dead bodies. People aren't only getting high off something that's unstable, but they're running the risk of contracting something." Alec rubbed his temple, this whole situation was a headache. It was the biggest argument he had during his debates, since Fillitreux kept pushing that Zydrate was not the issue in the city, it was the family that offered it after surgeries. But if they could find out how Bane changed it... They could help everyone in the city. "If they're already addicted, trying to talk them into a drug that they don't know and aren't already addicted to isn't going to be as appealing to them, and then you're just going to make it easier for people to come to dealers instead of getting it administered by your doctor's." "I mean coming from a dealer it's ironic that you sound like it's a problem, but you know--" "Are you seriously going to pick a fight with me when I've been helping you clean up the streets without brute force and using my fucking brain to help people instead of nightsticks? *Tasers*? Because if you want to go there, we can tot--" "How about we stop getting ahead and we focus on getting the two compared?" The blonde to Bane's left interjected, since they wouldn't be able to get anywhere without figuring out the difference, first. The two scientists weren't really in the mood to deal with their arguing, not did they want to get in the middle of a fist fight. Bane glowered at Alec before letting out a soft sigh and nodded in agreement as he turned to look at her, his eyes flicking down to her name tag. "I think that's a good idea, Helen. Do you mind if I...?" "Aline, can you get him one of the vials we made last night?" Helen asked the other scientist beside him, who smiled and nodded, moving to the small refrigerator on the other side of the room. "I'm actually kind of excited to see what you do, I've only seen one or two other people, personally, with a mutation like yours. Not your eye, but the ..." Aline trailed off as she looked pointedly to Bane's hands, handing him the blue vial and stepping back as if he needed a lot of space to make the change. "It's like....magic. It's amazing." "Well hopefully it's not something that we can't recreate without it...I'm not going to live forever, unfortunately. Let's see if we can find out what's going on." Bane said as his fingers wrapped around the vial, the blue flames flickering along his wrist and traveling upwards towards his fingers. Alec moved around the table slowly, not taking his eyes off the vial, as if he didn't believe this was all actually real. It seemed like some strange party trick, just the thought of people getting some strange magical powers due to a biological plague seeming absurd, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized- what did he actually know? Just because he hadn't seen something before didn't mean it didn't exist. Once the vial was handed back to Aline, who took it gingerly and almost hesitantly as if she were worried it would be hot, it had gone from a neon blue liquid to one more cerulean in nature. Helen moved closer to Aline, leaning in to look at it, her face in awe.  "We'll..." She started, unable to take her eyes off of it for a moment until Aline nudged her. "We'll start working on this right now. We have about an hour before the others come back, but we'll let you know as soon as we can." "You're positive we can trust them?" Bane asked once the double set of doors had closed behind them, his steps slowing as he heard the locks click, though Alec's urging on had him continuing on. It wasn't that he didn't want to trust them and he certainly wanted to trust Alec's judgement on this, but it was hard to when Alec's father was after his head and he had just exposed himself to more people. "I'm sure. Izzy and I grew up with Aline, we got her this job. Helen's her wife, and she wouldn't betray Aline like that." Alec assured as he held up a hand as they approached a door. The all clear was given once Alec had peeked out into the hallway on the other side, though both jumped when Raphael's voice came from behind them. "What were you two up to?" "Where did you even come from?!" Alec wheezed, he had been absolutely certain there was no one on either end of the hall, and he hadn't heard any doors open or close when they came out of the lab wing. "Aw, did I scare you guys?" Raphael's smile was predatory, like a wolf that had two sheep cornered. Bane knew better than to piss off Raphael, even if Izzy told him that he wouldn't hurt anyone she cared about. He was a Repo, he couldn't be fully trusted, and Bane's opinion on that would never change. The man murdered for his work, and Bane had lost too many to Raphael's kind. "Don't you have anything better to do?" Alec said as he motioned to the envelope in Raphael's hand. "Looks like you have a job. You should go fucking do it instead of slacking off or-" "Or you'll tell your mommy?" Raphael laughed and lifted the folder, shaking it. "Relax, Golden boy, I'm going. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that your boyfriend was here. I'll get taken out just for not grabbing him now." Bane noticed that Alec had stepped partially in front of him, as if shielding him from Raphael, and part of him wanted to pull Alec back beside him so if there was any attempt at a fight, he wouldn't be hurt. Confusion stemmed from that thought, he knew that Alec would be able to handle a fight without any of his own assistance yet... He wanted to protect him. "I'm gonna go." Magnus muttered under his breath as he turned, his steps bringing him quickly down the hall until he reached one of the back exits into the alley behind the building. "Bane, wait, you're fine!" Alec called after Bane, only to quickly turn as his eyes narrowed at Raphael. "Seriously?!" Raphael lifted a fisted hand, rubbing teasingly under his right eye as he backed up, then turned and walked away as the hand lifted in a one finger salute. He had a job to do and he was particularly giddy about this one. Hearts were always a favorite repossession of his, something about the sound of a ribcage breaking open nothing short of symphonic.

#empires of brick and blood #malec #repo!AU

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Tomorrow Never Came PT. 12

Now that you’ve done what you came to do, what comes next? Where do you go? How do you cope?

Read PT. 1 here | Read PT. 2 here | Read PT. 3 here | Read PT. 4 here | Read PT. 5 here | Read PT. 6 here | Read PT. 7 here | Read PT. 8 here | Read PT. 9 here | Read PT. 10 here | Read PT. 10.5 here | Read PT. 11 here

TRIGGER WARNING: BIG SAD. also low quality pic of roger hehe

The last of your measly belongings were packed tightly into that folded up box you’d stuffed into the closet a year ago, the clock reading some time around 2 in the morning as you took a deep, shuddering breath. A few tears escaped your eyes, and you reached up to quickly wipe them away. This was it.

Weston had explained everything from the beginning, pausing only to let you cry it out. He was patient – a bit irritable, but not outwardly, and he always waited until you were calmed down a bit to continue. He was understanding, you thought, as you made your way down the hallway to Roger’s room, which was still empty. Roger wouldn’t be back for a good 6 or 7 hours, leaving you plenty of time to process what Weston had said.

Roger was the universe’s punishment for your involvement in Weston’s creation. He had manifested the time portal, through some sort of quantum physics mumbo-jumbo you hadn’t even pretended to understand. He did it for his childhood friend, a redhead that went by the name of Abigail. She was beautiful, and all the boys chased after her, including Weston. But he had the upper hand as her best friend, and he squandered it away by pining after her silently until it was too late – Abigail was gone, victim to an IRA car bomb that detonated yards from where she was standing, outside of a pub. She was killed at the ripe age of 16, before he could even say goodbye.

“So you made a time machine to save a girl you were obsessed with,” you deadpanned in between crying sessions, Weston’s face twisting up in annoyance and agreement as he struggled to form a comeback.

“Well, when you put it that way…. I guess.”

He’d studied for years, running algorithm after algorithm, test after test, until a successful run in 1993 – he found himself thrust back into the 1970s, at the same exact time, in the same exact place. Roger and Freddie became background characters in his quest to fix what he saw as an error in the timeline, people who just happened to be there every time he came back to try and fix it again.

But that was the problem both of you had – you saw the tragedies as erroneous, but as traumatic as they were, they were not errors. It took Weston years to finally realize there was no way to fix it.

“I spent all of my time from 1993 to 2010 trying to figure out what I was doing wrong,” he’d quietly remarked, tugging on a string that was frayed off of the knee of his baggy jeans. “Turns out, it wasn’t my place to try and change history anyways. Abi wasn’t meant to be with me, as much as I wanted it to be true.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, not sure what to say. It was overwhelming, all of it, and an excessive amount of shame and pain washed over you as you realized that you were not the only one chasing something that wasn’t yours, that didn’t belong to you. A small part of you still wanted Roger, but the common sense in you knew it wasn’t in the cards.

Weston was silent as he stared at the floor just past his knees, chewing on the inside of his lip before he stood up and brushed his jeans off absentmindedly. “I spent 2010 and on trying to convince Dan that it wasn’t worth it. He caught me one time, coming out of the closet door. Wouldn’t leave until I explained, shit a brick when I did.”

“But you let him?” you countered, furrowing your eyebrows as you looked up at Weston.

“It’s hard to say no to someone who offers to pay double the rent for an apartment that only offers you pain because of a time portal you can’t get rid of. And I figured he’d get the message eventually. I never imagined….” He trailed off, looking down at you as he tried to find the words to say that wouldn’t offend you. It was clear that he found you incapable of dealing with the consequences, but he didn’t say it. Instead, he cleared his throat and shook his head. “I didn’t think he’d send anyone else.”

“I get it,” you muttered, standing up as well as tears once again threatened to spill out of your eyes. “I’ll just pack up my things.”

And now here you were, standing in the middle of Roger’s room, silently crying as you took one last look. It was a mess, clothes laying across the bed that wasn’t made, an ashtray with an abundance of cigarette butts near the window, and tons of crumpled papers with scrapped songs on them – but it was home to you. You approached the desk, picking one paper up that seemed to be an abandoned love song. Those weren’t typical of Roger, so you folded it up slowly and pushed it into your pocket, sniffling once before grabbing the pen and a discarded paper, writing out a note to your boyfriend. Could you call him a boyfriend now? It was all so confusing.

I did it. I love you forever. Please keep writing music, and don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine – you just keep being the best drummer out there. Queen is going to do numbers, I promise. Gotta go now.

Placing the note on his bed, you walked back out of his room to where Weston was waiting, his arms crossed as he watched you wipe away the last of your tears.

“Ready to go?”

The apartment wasn’t like you remembered it. When you and Weston walked back through, it was an unfamiliar layout, complete with a mirror in front of the door that you nearly broke upon opening the door outward. But Weston shoved through, strolling into the bedroom as if it was his own. Which, you quickly realized, it was. Pictures of him with a strange redhead girl you recognized as Abigail were on the dresser, coupled with some stacks of papers with equations and diagrams that looked like another language to you.

“Wow. Guess you really did do it. Wonder where Dan is,” he remarked, mostly unfazed by the fact that it had returned to his own apartment. He looked around for a moment, then turned to you and nodded. “Uh, sorry about your boyfriend. I know what it’s like, so if you ever need anyone to, uh, talk to-“

“It’s okay,” you cut him off, a bit more sharply than you intended, but the rim of red around your eyes was enough to keep him from being offended. “I’m just going to go.”

He was quiet, just nodding in response and heading for the door so he could open it for you. “Okay. Hope everything works out.”

“Okay.” You took a deep breath, then hurried out of the door with your box of belongings. It felt heavy in your arms, heavier now that you had the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you managed to make your way down to the street, the church’s shadow looming over you like a death sentence as you hailed a cab that took you all the way to your mom’s house. It wasn’t home. Not anymore.

When you arrived at the small house on the other side of the city, you saw the driveway had your car in it, plus an unfamiliar junker that looked like it might fall apart if you shook it a little bit. Furrowing your eyebrows, you eyed the car suspiciously as you paid the cabbie with the pocket money you had left. It wasn’t yours, and it sure as hell wasn’t your father or mother’s, so whose was it?

Stepping out of the car, you shifted the box to your hip and stared up at the house. It seemed dirtier than you remembered, but maybe it was a year without seeing it that stained your eyesight, so you walked up to the door without another thought. Your feet dragged just a bit as you ascended the stairs, the reality of finally seeing your mom again after a whole year hitting you like a freight train. What if she was still an invalid? What if nothing had changed?

“Y/N?”

The front door swung open before you could even get to it, the familiar voice of your mom flooding your ears. But there was something off about it, a slowness to the way she spoke your name that made your ears ring as you looked up to find her standing in the doorway, leaned up against the frame.

Jesus, she was a mess. She looked at least 20 years older than she should have been, her collarbones jutting out of what used to be a healthy, toned body. In fact, all of her bones were sticking out, a sickly pallor discoloring her face and making her seem as if she was a ghost as she smiled lazily at you, her eyes a bit bleary and unfocused as she searched your face.

“Mum?” you asked unsurely, still standing at the top of the stairs as you stared at the woman who had taken care of you for the last 20-something years, a shell of what she’d been when you saw her literally hours ago, young and relatively unscathed.

“Can you go get me some Guinness? I’ll give you the cash.”

Staring blankly at her, you sat the box down on the porch and nodded slowly. She wasn’t drunk. This wasn’t the body of an alcoholic. This was something else you couldn’t put your finger on, something worse. Registering your nod slowly, she shut the door again and left you out on the porch, reeling from the interaction that had just taken place. Seconds later, she came back with a wad of cash, your phone, and your keys. Walking out to you, or rather, wobbling, she gave the handful to you with a shaking hand, then picked up your box and carried it inside without another word.

“What the fuck?” you whispered once she’d shut the door, still shocked from what had just happened. “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?” you continued anxiously, slowly turning on your heels to walk out to your car that was waiting in the drive. What in the fuck had just happened?

Opening the car door, the familiar peony and cherry car freshener assaulted your nostrils as you dropped in, closing the door behind you and shakily unlocking your phone. It was still March, maybe 30 minutes after you’d went in to the portal, and yet, you felt like it had been forever since you’d been here. There weren’t any notifications, just the time and the date staring you back in the face from your iPhone.

Dan. He would know what’s going on. Opening your phone, you quickly pulled up his contact, calling him and pressing it to your ear as you listened to it ring, ring, ring. But he never answered, eliciting a string of curses out of you as you called him again, refusing to quit. And he finally answered on the third ring, sounding thoroughly annoyed.

“What d’you want?”

The words tumbled out of you before you could even think, pouring out of your mouth like a torrential waterfall of stupidity. You would regret it in a moment. “I did it, I went back and stopped William and Ted, and I thought mum would be alright, but now I’m here again in 2018 and I just-“

“Jesus, what are you on about? Did your mum let you shoot up with her, finally? She let you in on her stash of smack? Fuck, no wonder your dad took off, you’re both so cracked out. You both still owe me.”

“Wha- I-“ You were floored, so many truths attacking you at once you could barely comprehend the situation. “Smack? Owe you?”

“You’re high,” he accused, sounding even more annoyed than before, if that was possible at all. “And you owe me 700 fucking pounds. Remember that? Don’t fucking call back until you got it, you and your fucking thief of a mum. Fuck you.”

The line went dead. Stunned, you stared at your phone as it returned to the home screen, still devoid of notifications, and for some reason, you didn’t cry. You just breathed slowly, almost heavily, a hundred needles poking into your heart while you watched the screen go black after your inactivity. Smack? Your mom was a heroin addict? That explained the sluggishness, the harrowed appearance, but didn’t explain why? What had you done wrong? This wasn’t supposed to be how it happened. You were supposed to come back to a normal family, a normal life, not an addict mother and an uncle that despised you, plus a still-absent father.

No tears came, still. All that overtook you was a need, a desperate one at that. You needed his name to pop up on that phone, to call you and ask you if you were okay, because you weren’t, not anymore.

You needed Roger.

Roger. Roger, fuck, where is he? Scrambling to open up your phone, you opened Chrome and typed in his name faster than you’d ever typed in your life, hitting search even though you misspelled his last name in your haste, and feeling a flood of relief when you saw his Wikipedia page pull up. For a moment, you felt like at least something went right. But, as your luck would have it, you were wrong.

Roger Meddows Taylor was an English musician, singer, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist, best known as the drummer for the rock band Queen.

Was?

Clicking on the Wikipedia link, you waited a few seconds for the page to load before you were met with a picture of Roger, one that was slightly unfamiliar due to the shorter length of his hair. He looked middle-aged in the photo, the caption indicating it was taken around the mid-90’s, but you didn’t pay attention to it for too long before the death date caught your eye.

August 3, 2000

“No, no, no, no,” you whined, a tear immediately springing forth out of your eye as you scrolled down to the Personal Life section of his Wikipedia. What awaited you there was crushing, and you continually swept tears out of your eyes as you read it, so distraught you couldn’t even make a sound.

Following the 1997 release of No-One but You (Only the Good Die Young) and Deacon’s departure from Queen, Taylor unexpectedly committed himself to an unnamed institute, allegedly in the countryside near London unexpectedly. Remaining Queen member Brian May, speaking about the situation on a talk show later in 2000, cited ‘personal issues related to grieving,’ mentioning Freddie by name. He also briefly mentioned an old girlfriend from the early days of Queen, although this story is unconfirmed and no evidence of this relationship was brought forth upon public doubt. Taylor passed in 2000, leaving behind five children with two ex-wives.

“Oh, fuck me,” you sobbed as the tears finally began to fall in full force, your phone dropping to your lap as you pressed your hands to your face. Roger was dead. Your mom was just as fucked. Dan wanted nothing to do with you. Your dad? Might as well not exist. Everything was somehow worse than before.

Forgetting completely about the Guinness, you curled up in your car and sobbed for a good hour, the sky darkening to the point where you could barely see your hands in front of your face when you finally pulled yourself together, sniffling and wiping your nose on the back of your hand. Locating your phone, you grabbed it and shoved it into your pocket, neglecting to grab the keys out of the ignition before you wobbled back inside, overwhelmed with grief for both of the lives you had lost – one here, and one with Roger.

When the door on the porch opened again and you saw the outline of your mom lit by a single dim hallway light, you cursed yourself silently for completely forgetting what she’d sent you to do.

“Did you get it? Took you long enough.”

Her selfish, stinging words hit you like a slap to the face as you fully stopped in your ascension of the stairs. In her hand, she held the dress from Biba, the one Roger had bought you. “Give me my dress,” you immediately demanded, hopping the rest of the steps in one leap and coming to stand in front of her. She stared at you like an alien, eyes still bleary, probably from shooting up while you were busy mourning all of your mistakes in the car. This was not her fault, but as you stared at her offended expression that was chastising you for what you did, you couldn’t help but feel like it was.

“Where’s the fucking beer?”

“Fuck you!” you spat, snatching the dress from her hands and taking off for your car again as she yelled after you, berating you for being ungrateful and a thief and every nasty name under the moon. But you ignored her, climbing back into your car and starting it before ripping out of the driveway and peeling off down the street. Fuck her.

The dress laid in a pretty pink heap on the passenger seat, tossed over there hastily and taunting you as you drove aimlessly through the London night, not sure where to go. You didn’t even know where your dad was, so that was out of the question. And you were as good as dead to Dan. Maybe your friends? But how would you explain that? Hey, so I went back to 1971 to save my mom, but then I came back and she’s just a fucking druggie now, and my boyfriend from the 70’s is dead, and my uncle hates me, so can I crash on your couch? No. You were officially homeless.

So you went back to Weston’s. Parking on the street outside the building, you stared up at that church, the same one that had been so lofty and imposing in the 70’s now seeming small and pathetic as you examined the cracked brick, the crumbling stairs leading up to it surely being a safety violation. Your hand found the dress blindly, resting on the soft, velvety fabric and giving it a small pet. God, how desperately you could use a hug from Roger right now.

You weren’t sure was propelled you up to Weston’s door, or how you even made it up there, but a few minutes later, you were knocking on his door rapidly, your free hand clutching onto the dress desperately. When he opened the door, he didn’t even look remotely surprised to see you, though his words were polite enough.

“Hey. Back so soon?”

You groaned softly at the greeting, not sure whether to smack him or run away or both, but you shook your head and pressed your palm to your forehead. “I have to undo it. Everything. You were….. you were right.”

“Could have listened to me half a year ago, but okay,” he sighed, opening the door fully and letting you in. You beelined for the bedroom, not even stopping for a moment to explain the situation to him. It had to be done. You had to erase this reality, to start over. Your mom was too important. Roger was too important. Everything was too different. You should have listened.

And so, in you went again, plunging in to the darkness of the closet with only a few pounds and a dress on you, plus an all-too-familiar idea of what came next. As you opened the door to the 70’s décor in the hallway of the building you’d come to adore over the past year, you sighed.

Here we go again.

PT. 1 PT. 2 PT. 3 PT. 4 PT. 5 PT. 6 PT. 7 PT. 8 PT. 9 PT. 10 PT. 10.5 PT. 11

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[melekseev]

so i FINALLY bring you my esc19 toplist, all under the cut, with short comments.

also be aware i literally... enjoy my top 31. so twenty something places might sound bad.. BUT THEYRE REALLY NOT, I JUST LOVE A LOT. i went into this year thinking it was weak, and then after i had this playlist on so much, hello, i love a ton. nevertheless, just my taste and opinions and good luck to all of them~

1. France ABSOLUTE KIN G stuck in first place because this is undoubtedly my most listened song this year, and i'm absolutely hooked on it. i am somewhat worried about that coming revamp, but. but i fcking love this song, and he improved those vocals like d amn 2. Russia i.... am in love. every time i hear this song it gets me into that sort of dramatic ecstasy and it's so big and beautiful that it just... it kills me. i die. thats it 3. Italy soldi is still my jam, and i adore it to bits 4. Slovenia this masterpiece is one i just want to protect. so soothing, i LOVE listening to it, it's just ethereal 5. Netherlands this song, at one point, was almost at every possible spot on my list from middle to top 15, but then it stuck with me and now it's utter love 6. Hungary i adore his voice, no bias. his whole vibe, his unique delivery and technique, that folky sound, like... yes please 7. Switzerland i am not ashamed to say i am utter trash for this song. every single part i love about this. like holy shit, this time switzerland better make it thEY EARNED IT 8. Australia she is QUEEN, i considered dropping it from my top 10 when trying to readjust ONE TIME and upon relistening i instantly was like "okay no way it's going anywhere", i just unironically love it a LOT 9. Norway actual legends... this song just cheers me up to SUCH an extent! love the joiking... i love eveything, bless you norway 10. Belgium at first, i had issues with it, because i wanted a bigger drop near the end, but now i'm just absolutely... in love... it convinced me. the instrumental, the building up, the dark undertone, just. i adore this 11. Poland oH I LOVE THEM SO MU CH. li s t en. i can't explain it, but they give me like a lowkey vibe of soft punk-rock theme but also like...?? japanese pop?? but no, it's polish and slavic and traditional and i'm really really vibing with it, because some of it is familiar from my own culture, and these girls S LAY 12. Albania albania always delivering those vocals.. i love the mystical vibe with the ethnic sound, it's simply gorgeous 13. San Marino can you believe i unironically HONESTLY thoroughly enjoy this song?? serhat is an icon, but his voice actually really fits with this song and i always get super into it. i'm so happy this exists lmao 14. Azerbaijan i'm very very much into this song, and i'm EXTREMELY curious to see how he pulls this off live as it seems to be such a radio song, but i have hopes. i just dig it, like... like a LOT 15. Czech Republic this is the most chill song this year, and despite the silly, easygoing lyrics it's just... extremely fun, and it's been my jam since it came out 16. Croatia listen. l i sten. i love... theatrical. i love big strong voice explosions. this CHILD is talented as fuck. i know many people hate this, but the song actually grew on me, and then today i just honestly love it. i wish the whole song was in croatian, but even with the not so great lyrics, i'm eating it up and singing along. i know he won't make it, but oh well. it's okay Roko, i love your voice and song 17. Armenia i really love this one, too. she convinced me further in amsterdam bc she absolutely killed it (although i feel like she had a nervous slip in the very beginning) but then after that.. holyshit. such a tiny girl with such a huge voice 18. Spain honestly, if you tell me earlier it would end up this high at one point i wouldn't believe you.. i never /hated/ it per se, but i also wasn't really impressed or as into it as most people were. i think the revamp was the one that convinced me in the end, because it forced me to face the fact that i do honestly enjoy this more than i want to. also now im nostalgic towards anything spanish, even if its different, bye 19. Finland yes, this might be nothing special, but i just... enjoy it. i genuinely do, and there are certain parts i especially love, and so therefore. like. yes. 20. Estonia as much as i didn't want to like this originally, i do. like, i really do. it just happened, and i'm not mad about it 21. Romania this song is a big grower for me, and to this day the more i hear it the more i get into it still 22. UK Michael's live delivery elevates this otherwise not so amazing song like... so much. i feel like the UK does tend to send songs with this particular theme, but i actually enjoy it quite a lot when he's doing it live. his voice is impressive, and so... here he. 23. Sweden these two ^ i always moved around together for some reason, as if they were linked, which might be because John wrote both songs, although i learned that later(??? but in the end, i feel like i prefer UK a bit more. this is also really good though, it works, and it has a great vibe for esc 24. Portugal so this one slipped quite far off, as with time i sort of lost the enthusiasm for it. i still find it unique and enjoy it nevertheless though, so it could definitely be worse 25. Greece i'm in quite a pickle because after not necessarily being super into this song, i started to really like it (VOICE, BRUH) but then the amsterdam concert happened. I KNOW she was sick, though, so i sort of have this on hold. if she delivers later, which i'm sure she will, she stays, but if not, this might drop a few slots 26. Lithuania this is another song that just makes me happy and makes me smile, and i can't explain it. i love lionboy. i'm just here for it 27. Serbia her voice is quite literally pristine, i love that she's singing in serbian, and i do appreciate her a lot as i honestly enjoy this song when it's on. it tends to slip my mind, though, which i hate it does, because it's beautiful and i'm rooting for her 28. Cyprus super unpopular opinion, but i actually like this a lot more than Fuego, and don't necessarily compare the two. HOWEVER i do kinda feel like i'm seeing the same thing from the same country, like, immediately after, which makes me a little less excited about it, oof 29. North Macedonia see, the message is very nice. the song actually grew on me a bit compared to the first time i heard it, but i still just... wish it was better. i like it overall, but it's just about pushing it 30. Israel he's actually very talented and on point vocally. the only reason it's not higher is simply because it's just not really my style, but it's one i still appreciate on stage 31. Georgia there is something about this that i like. i respect him, and when near the end there's sooo much power, then especially i really dig it 32. Montenegro the revamp did help them quite a lot, but overall it still kinda feels like a high school chorus, and i'm just not really for it 33. Moldova her voice is really nice, and despite how i found it just... done several times and kind of boring (oops), her live made me appreciate this just a bit more 34. Ireland i feel like this song is just kind of... there, for the sake of being there. it's not even bad, it's just... meh? 35. Malta that chorus is a major turn off for me, and it's neeeearing that point where a song just starts to annoy me... which i feel like is worse than simply not liking something, so it's on thin ice 36. Austria first of all i think her voice is very lovely. BUT... after about the 4th yo-o-o-ouh it does tip and starts to annoy me, which i wish it didn't, but... but it does 37. Belarus i wanna talk about how they had a huge shot with Michael Soul, but i will not go down that road and focus on Zena. this song just feels like a mess to me. like... a young britney spears song, but bad. i really don't get the appeal, at all 38. Latvia hhhhhhh. this one annoys me so much, i just can't begin to explain. it's flat, repetitive, and the chorus (??) fries my nerves in a matter of seconds, IM SORRY 39. Denmark oof... o o of. i don't want to be rude but basically this feels exactly like what you'd expect a junior eurovision song to be like.... except those are actually better. it's just... no. no. way too much sugar. it’s all just... no 40. Germany speaking of songs that annoy me? i feel like this is definitely the one i can't stand the most. *screeches* SISTAH x4 41. Iceland listen i'm not going to talk about this for long but basically i really heavily dislike this for a few reasons and can never listen all the way through without like.. suffering. the funniest thing is that i love the beat. but then.. the singing (NOT even the style) it just. it makes me angry, cuz this could be good. but it's not. also i don't like the pretend-gay stuff. but that's just me