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cassyxox · 8 months

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𝒞𝒽ℯ𝓇𝓇𝓎.

𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗲 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝘢 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽𝗒 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖼𝗋𝖺𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇. 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 ..𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤．

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬！, 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘺 𝘳！,

(𝘳！𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨/𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨), 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝟭𝟴+𝗺𝗱𝗻𝗶.

u could say u were in a very glum mood. getting all dressed up for your girlfriend to not even notice—or compliment you.

but instead here she was stuffing her face with her third—no fourth chocolate muffin..you had made them for her..well for you both.

You glanced over at her. watching the way the crumbs fell from her mouth. so messy. and she wouldn’t stop groaning.

𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗻𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱?…

just as she was reading ur mind. mumbling out a small “god..” before finishing off the rest of the tasty batter.

“babe I swear..you always make the best deserts f’me—never fuckin’ miss.” she gritted. licking the chocolate off her lips. 𝗼𝗵.

offering her a small smile u nodded—“mhm..”

you couldn’t help but stare at the way her tongue flattened against her lips.

𝗴𝗼𝗱 𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿—

“babe?..” her voice pulling u out of the nasty daydream.

“yeah el?—sorry.” u spoke. hoping she didn’t sense the way u were shifting around on the small cloth.

she gazed a look down at ur wrists..watching as they hugged the cloth so tight. she could see the grass peeking through.

she brought her hand to ur thigh. slowly rubbing up and down. “what’s wrong babe?..”

u sighed lowly. not meeting her eyes.

“uhh—nothin’..”

𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁.

“(y/n)..” she squeezed ur thigh ever so gently.

“nothing el—it’s 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜..” u frowned.

how were u supposed to explain she was getting u all needy and tense just by eating a muffin.

𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙤 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙮.

“yea ok.” she huffed. letting go of ur thigh. reaching for the picnic basket.

“fine you don’t wanna tell me cool—I’ll just eat another muffin.”

u tensed. watching as she grabbed her fifth one?! 𝙟𝙚𝙨𝙪𝙨.

“I hate you..” u quietly muttered—well u thought u did.

next thing u know u heard a plate rumble and 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙪𝙛𝙛𝙞𝙣 fumble onto the ground. a very angry ellie moving her way into ur space—𝙤𝙝.

“what’d u say?” her voice was low. 𝙖𝙡𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙮. her eyes a dark fade. glaring into ur closed ones.

“huh?—open ur eyes and look at me” your eyes widened. only because her voice sounded so stern?—no.

“see?..wasn’t so hard was it?” u gulped. shaking ur head. ur panties felt too tight..𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙝𝙚𝙧.

her ragged hands reached ur face gripping ur cheeks tightly.

“now u wanna tell me why ur acting like a baby—hm?..”

“I’m not..” u mutter. playing with the bracelet on ur wrist.

𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙚’𝙨 𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙛𝙘.

“not what?” 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙤 𝙗𝙖𝙙𝙡𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜.

“not being a baby..your one to talk tho—you’ve been teasing me since we got here ellie.” u admitted.

u watched as a little smirk came upon her face.

pushing her hands away. “it’s not funny at all..”

𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨𝙣𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙪𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪. 𝙎𝙝𝙚 ��𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙪 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙧 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙠. 𝙎𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙖 𝙗𝙤𝙬𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙞𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙖𝙥. 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙬𝙙 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙬. 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚.

she was in mere thought before she spoke. a small shrug appearing.

“not my fault u can’t control yourself around me when i eat.” u froze.

𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙢𝙚? 𝙞 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙝𝙚'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙪𝙩..

“ellie it’s literally all ur fault…my panties are so wet just from watching you eat a—fuckin’ muffin..”

she tried to hold in her laughter from ur weird confession. attempting to get ahold of herself. 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙨𝙤 𝙛𝙪𝙣𝙣𝙮?

“..you done?” u paused waiting on her response. she glanced at you again. not even two seconds later a startled laughter filled the air.

“ugh—el s’not that funny!…seriously” u whined. pushing her back onto the soft cloth. she had grabbed ur arms pulling u with her.

letting out a small “𝙢𝙥𝙝..” landing right on her chest.—𝙤𝙝.

pushing urself up. u were met with a cheesy faced ellie. her hands came up to grip the back of ur leg under ur shorts.

“well isn’t this a sight..” she squeezed the fat. 𝙨𝙤 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙢. “—mhm..” u softly groan.

𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚.

Ellie was just teasing u even more. she didn’t move an inch. except for her 𝙨𝙣𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙮 hand. reaching up under ur shorts to feel the outline of ur cunt—through ur 𝙥𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨.

“ellie..” u whined. gaining her attention. “hm?” her fingers now rested on ur behind.

“want more please” u pleaded with her. the way she wasn’t even touching on ur cunt anymore. but she still had u 𝙛𝙡𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 was insane.

𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩.

“yea?..my baby wants s’more?” she spoke. ghosting her fingers 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 over ur outlined cunt.

u nodded letting out a small—“𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚.“

she leaned up. ur weight being pushed into her lower lap. “lay back for me—and take ur panties off.”

u swiftly turned over getting ready to pull ur shorts down—“ellie what if somebody see’s us?” she smirked. pulling ur shorts the rest of the way down ur ankles. “let them.”

𝙞 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙡𝙤𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙠.

she had u on ur 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 now. thighs parted as her fingers were abusing ur cunt so good. u had 𝙘𝙪𝙢 2 times already..𝙜𝙤𝙨𝙝.

pulling her fingers out she had took notice of ur wet slickness glistening with a little 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚— glow. “such a pretty sight—your so pretty.” she rubbed at ur folds wetting them up even more. “god just…look at it—it’s so greedy for me..look.” she gripped ur neck with her unattended hand. pulling u up to make u watch as she rubbed her fingers through ur folds. letting out a low chuckle as her fingers accidentally slipped back inside u from how wet you were. “so wet I love it..”

u were a moaning mess. and a nervous wreck. 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙜𝙤𝙙 𝙨𝙖𝙠𝙚! anybody could walk by seeing the image of Ellie’s hand 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 between ur upper thighs. 𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜.

“wish I had my strap on me..𝙝𝙢 ur so lucky.” she growled. “I need to actually tear this perfect cunt apart” u whimpered from her words. gripping her wrist. “el—please put them back in me..”

𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙣𝙤 𝙩𝙤 𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙗𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. 𝙪 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙤 𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙨..𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙤𝙣 𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚.

“keep ur eyes on me—wanna see when I..” she paused with a falter. as she buried her middle and ring finger back inside you.

“oh my—el!” u were humping into her hand. the pace of her fingers adding to ur despair.

“yea?..feels s’good?” she hummed. ur warm walls making a mess around her. 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙙 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚.

“god—𝙢𝙥𝙝 ‘think i can feel ur little cunt breaking my fingers..”

𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙪 𝙨𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙚𝙯𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧. 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨.

“she’s so greedy” u heard her chuckle. “wish I could put a baby in you—I swear to god.” a low whine left ur lips. 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙮 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪..𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙪 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙧.

“els—𝙖𝙝𝙝𝙝” she pushed her hand down on ur stomach. “yea..would be right here.” she mentioned with a slight push of ur belly. the feeling made u clench roughly around her.

“please..𝙢𝙢..-wanna have ur baby s’bad..” crying out. u squeezed ur thighs around ellie’s wrist.

u were so into the feeling not even noticing ellie humping the fuckin’ ground. her jeans getting covered in the moss from the dark grass. her boxers were damp. so wet with her slick.

“yea gonna get you pregnant babe..”

“wanna 𝙘𝙪𝙢 inside you so bad..” she kept muttering lowly. voicing her desperation to 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙙 you.

she was close. u were close.

“ellie it’s coming again—𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠—𝙣𝙜𝙝..”

𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙖 𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙖.

she reached over into the basket full of snacks. pulling out the box of cherries from earlier.

“don’t let go yet..” she warned. pulling her fingers out. a yearning ache filled you.

“ellie what are you—“ “-open ur mouth.”

you were confused. why does she have a cherry in her hand? 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙙, opening ur mouth.

“chew it you better not swallow it.”

“but els..” she narrowed her brows. causing u to silence urself. “good girl.” she put the cherry inside ur mouth. her fingers rested on ur tongue for a couple seconds. u bit down on the tasty fruit. the juice swallowed down by your throat.

u let out a soft hum at the taste.

“yummy right?” u looked up at ellie. her gaze connected to ur lips. watching the way they moved as u chewed on the sweet cherry.

you nodded. Ellie’s hands spread ur legs open once more. being met with ur inner thighs covered in slick..you looked away. dripping in arousal.

“so sweet baby..I bet it tastes better than you..” she muttered bringing her thumb to rub at ur cunt softly. watching as she leaned into you.

“I wanna kiss.” she gripped the back of ur neck. squeezing rather roughly. her other hand sliding her way down 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣. u gasped. giving ellie a view of the half bitten cherry. “thought u swallowed it—𝙝𝙖𝙖..” u shook ur head. “wanna be a good girl..”

“yea?” “mhm.”

in mere seconds her lips were on ur’s. it felt like heaven. the taste of ellie and the cherry inside ur mouth made ur eyes roll back. and the way ellie’s fingers were 𝙣𝙤𝙬 —digging in ur cunt.

𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣.

u relished in the kiss. not wanting ellie to pull away but she did. “fuck—𝙪𝙝𝙝𝙝..that is sweet..might be sweeter than you.” she bit out. licking at her lower lip.

u shook ur head. the chewy fruit still nessled behind ur lips.

“oh?..you don’t think so?—“ “-I’m sweeter..” u mumbled. desperately trying to catch the rhythm of ellie’s fingers but she was going so 𝙨𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝. 𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚.

“hm—well maybe we should put it to the test..bend over for me.”

2K notes · View notes

monarchberrysblog · 2 months

Note

Giving miguel backscratches. Idk saw requests open and i just had to. Theres a spot he just cant reach. Also miguel giving backscratches sounds awesome, dudes got killer nails. Tho maybe his nails would hurt idk

𝔰𝔠𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔰

Miguel O’Hara x GN! Reader

Summary: Your man loves some good back scratches.

Content Warning ⚠️: none lmao

Word Count: 837 words 😋

Author’s Note: Yes. I would DIE to give this man back stretched and for his talons to tear at my flesh and—

This isn't proofread, and mostly wrote this having the reader no pronouns and gender-neutral terms (if there are any)

To my readers who love their baby girls (men who have emotional trauma and baggage), this is for you 💌

The gentle pitter-patter of the cool rainwater created a soft, soothing melody that danced against the glass window. Its rhythmic beat was reminiscent of the delicate tapping of fingertips on a hollow, wooden desk, providing a sense of calm that embraced anyone in its embrace—a three-wick candle flickers from nearby, creating a cozy ambiance. The cozy smell of clean linen immediately filled the space while in a queen-sized bed, someone squirmed underneath the soft blankets and shoved some throw pillows away from them.

Slowly emerging from the sherpa blankets surrounding you, a big yawn escaped before you rubbed your eyes and looked around your room. It was the same old, same old—the cozy blankets and pillows, with a couple of plushies accompanying your bed.

Sighing in defeat, you tucked yourself back into the blankets and looked at the flickering candle. “When is he coming home…?”

The colorful hues of tangy orange, yellow, and red filled the space immediately.

As you lay in bed, lost in your thoughts, a deep sigh echoes through the silent room, drawing your attention. Slowly raising your head from under the covers, you glimpse Miguel's entrance. His tired yet friendly eyes meet yours, and a faint smile spreads across his lips, revealing a sense of relief upon seeing you awake.

“Hola…” He sighed, slowly making his way to your dresser, and dug around for his sweats that he always left behind. You let out another yawn before nodding your head.

The tangy colors that filled the room vanished as you looked over to see Miguel in his Spiderman suit still and slipped into his sweatpants. “Lyla, turn off the suit.” The unbodied AI responded quickly as his suit was deactivated immediately.

Miguel flopped onto your bed with a suddenness that startled you. The impact of his body caused a few of the plushies and decorative pillows to tumble to the floor while you bounced slightly from the force of his literal collapse onto the bed. “Hey,” You cooed to him before you placed your hand on his back, feeling his taut muscles underneath the pads of your fingers. A simple grunt from your partner was a good indicator that the man had a long day and wanted nothing to do but sleep and relax.

“Can you move your hand upwards?” Miguel grumbles to you, face-planted onto your pillows. Slowly, you moved your hand up and massaged the taut muscle. “No, cariño. Don't massage it. Can you scratch that spot?” You hummed to him in response and lightly scratched at the irritated spot. “How is that?” You whispered to him. He only grumbled in response, causing you to chuckle.

If Miguel wanted to, he could sleep through a tornado if he wanted to. The inconsistent sleep schedules were always a concern; however, the man managed to get seven hours of sleep per day, surprisingly. It was at an unhealthy consistency, but this was the first time in two weeks you had seen him on your bed, collapsed on top of plushies and pillows.

Miguel let out a contented sigh as your fingernails scratched his muscles, leaving an invigorating sensation in their wake. "Yes, thank you, cariño," he murmured, his voice low and sultry. He could feel his body responding to your touch, the muscles twitching beneath your fingertips. "Add a bit more force," he groaned, his voice muffled by the fox plushie he held tightly in his embrace.

You complied with his request, scratching a bit more aggressively, your fingernails kneading his flesh expertly. He let out a deep moan of pleasure, lost in the sensation. "There...move to the left, please," he pleaded, his voice thick with desire. You hummed in response, your fingers working their magic, as you inched to the left.

"A little bit more," he urged, his voice growing more urgent. You complied, your fingers dancing across his skin, sending shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes and let out a long, slow breath, completely lost in the moment.

"Alright, that's enough," he breathed out heavily. You instinctively hummed in acknowledgment before gently massaging the reddened and irritated area, which offered him a sense of relief. "How are we doing?" You turned to face Miguel, draping the soft and cozy blanket over him to provide some much-needed warmth.

As his hand moved towards your thigh, you could feel your heart racing with anticipation. You felt a firm grip on the soft muscle of your thigh, his nails digging into your supple and warm flesh. You couldn't help but let out a chuckle as you placed your hand on top of his, letting him know that he should be careful. The tips of his talons lightly punctured your thighs, with the talon in his thumb lightly drawing a puncture wound, drawing a trickle of blood. “Easy there…” You cooed to him, rubbing your thumb against his knuckles. The talons on the pads of his thumb retracted like a cat, and immediately felt his calloused touch.

“Everything is great now that I'm here…”

#miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #miguel x reader #miguel spiderman #across the spiderverse #miguel x y/n #miguel x you #miguel fanfic #miguel ohara fanfiction #miguel fluff

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dolene · 3 months

Text

MUSE TO MY MELODIES!

pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader

summary: from all the great melodies, there is the artist and her muse who's doing the work.

content warnings: her face claim is laufey, supportive bf charles, she has a sister, cursing (but just for a bit)

yourusername

liked by radvxz, phoebebridgers, and 217,190 others

yourusername guess where am i (slide 3)

show all 15,582 comments

landonorris the king of atlantis's museum

⤷ yourusername good answer but no

⤷ landonorris oh cmon😔

phoebebridgers that fit chic is so brocolli core

⤷ priscillawesley More like an e-coli core

⤷ yourusername WATCHA MOUTH -nicki minaj

logansargeant Florida, wasn't it?

⤷ yourusername no americans allowed

⤷ logansargeant Ouch 🤕🤕🤕

⤷ yourusername kidding, but yeah you got it so 100

⤷ username Y/N IS IN FLORIDA & POSSIBLY W LOGAN 🦅🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🦅🦅🦅

radvxz I love the slide one and two... But then there's three existing 😔

⤷ yourusername that is literally the point

username She just randomly there and Pris is taking the pics

⤷ yourusername she's a lifesaver 😇

⤷ priscillawesley Surely I am. Imagine her posts without me😎

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, scuderiaferrari, and 469,661 others

charles_leclerc Strolling around Rome

show all 16,437 comments

carlossainz55 suddenly i'm into bossa nova

username YES HER CONCERT IN ITALY BEGIN

username y/n typical red shoes fit is always hits no matter what

username Charles, you sure it aint Pris who took this

⤷ priscillawesley He should be grateful I have a class today

username mm i smell new album announcement

⤷ priscillawesley Keep being delulu, honey

⤷ username 😭😭😭

username ALBUM ANNOUNCEMENT WHEN???

username it's been so long i memorized typical of me in one go

username PLS PLS COME TO BRASIL

⤷ username no she gonna come to grammy first and announce her new album js like taylor would do

⤷ username WHTS WRONG W YALL AND HER NEW ALBUM??????😭😭😭😭

username charles and y/n collab when?

⤷ username he should be featured in her new song

⤷ username Pris as a violinist and Charles as a Pianist, what a combo!

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, sebastianvettel, and 680,536 others

yourusername i've never done anything so fast like this before

show all 12,572 comments

username Y/N WHAT😭

lewishamilton direct offense to you charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc Oh this is just so low

username i know how his cooking gonna end up, so i'll be her if i were there

username That emoji gonna say that "i'll make u my pasta disaster, honey"

username idk why is she even post this but this is definitely hilarious 😂

priscillawesley But I can't lie, that looks really delicious

⤷ yourusername the art of rush cooking is just so😌👌

username EVEN SEB LIKING THIS BC HE KNOWS

⤷ yourusername even i was surprised😭 i didn't expect this at all

⤷ charles_leclerc Same

yourusername

liked by reneerapp, honeymoon, and 592,551 others

yourusername look at my facebook mom boyfriend 😚😚

show all 22,619 comments

charles_leclerc Is this a flattery or a mock?

⤷ lilymhe Flattery definitely

reneerapp why did u take this?

lilyzneimer 😂😂

username facebook mom charles is confirmed a long long time before this event even happened

⤷ yourusername this was truly a canon event

username but whys he looking so good tho

username What is he taking picture of?

⤷ username HES SHOWING THEM HER NEW ALBUM

⤷ username them in meaning is no one

⤷ username his camera roll is filled with him and the empty space

scuderiaferrari At least he's fashionable 😉

⤷ username is fashionable at the room with us?

yourusername added a photo to their story!

caption: hehe 😉

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

liked by xtina, charles_leclerc, florencepugh and 759,100 others

yourusername charles said it's a ✨picture-dump✨

show all 956 comments

landonorris i can't unsee what i see

maxverstappen1 Enjoying your meal by yourself, Handsome?

⤷ yourusername wrong person, sorry

priscillawesley Charles, what are u talking about? It's obviously a memory-burn 🙄

⤷ yourusername no, and we've talk about this before

username what is that strawberry with a head on

⤷ username y/n for x men is real

username okay now say whoever stick that head into the poor strawberry

radvxz Oh no...

taylorswift I'm living for the aesthetics.

⤷ username TAYLOR WHAT'S THE AESTHETICS IN THIS??

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, normani, sza, and 1,529,807 others

yourusername after a long while of waiting and teasing, the cat has finally out of the bag! and i present this to all of you.

Bewitched out February 13th! 🤎🤍

show all 45,239 comments

radvxz 😭😭😭

username WE'RE NOT CLOWNING ANYMORE

sza CAN'T WAIIITTT

username WE ALR GOT THE VINYL???? best moment of my life

charles_leclerc 😚🥰

⤷ username i'm forever gonna live for supportive bf charles

arianagrande soo excited!!

username finally the album we're deluluing is real

lola.tung AHHHH amaaaazingg

maisiehpeters big year for witch girls 😭♥️

amandarachlee omg u look amazing

username Okay now where can i listen this on orchestra?

jeremyzucker GO Y/N!!!!

landonorris was listening to your song until you distract me with this🙄😌

username she said worry no more, i got u covered *wink*

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc smau #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc instagram au #charles leclerc x y/n #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 smau #duhyork's artwork ৎ

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imagining-supernatural · 1 month

Text

Save Us

Request: Heyyyyoooo! Could you maybe do a dean x reader where she’s always been the rock in the relationship, even tho he’s not that emotional either, but she’s just literally never upset or seems sad, but one day she has a nightmare and then that just kind of starts the ball rolling and she just kinda finally needs dean and he’s there and comforts her?

Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2428

-----

“We’ll be home in about an hour,” Dean’s tired, flat voice tumbled through your phone speaker.

“Hunt didn’t go well, I take it?”

“We got the ghost,” he sighed heavily. “But not before it got some more kids.”

Years and years of being just too late definitely took a toll on hunters. Dean grew up in the life, so it was his normal. But even though he constantly said it wasn’t a big deal, or he was used to it, you knew it was a lie. He needed his downtime. He needed comfort. And beyond his need for that reassurance, he deserved it.

“I’m so sorry, babe.” It was so hard to hear him so down when you couldn’t hold him. “How’s Sam doing? Think you can convince him to take the weekend off and not look for another hunt?”

There was a low murmur on the other end of the call while Dean spoke with Sam. A moment later, you were put on speakerphone, the background noise of the car becoming louder.

“How’s your leg?” Sam asked.

“I think it’s almost all the way healed. If you keep your laptop shut for the weekend, I should be able to come on the next hunt.”

Sam chuckled. “Fine, fine. Radio silent weekend.”

With that out of the way, you said your farewells and hung up.

Your leg was perfectly fine. The fracture was healed and you’d been working out on it for the last few days while the boys finished up a two week long hunting spree across the country. But using your leg as an excuse gave Dean the space to not feel like this break was because of him. He hated being the reason you all took a few days off. He hated feeling like the weak link.

So you let him think he was doing this for you, when in all actuality, you would be spending the weekend building him back up, getting his confidence and mental strength back to their normal levels.

*****

“Son of a bitch!” Dean yelled, his voice echoing across the warehouse. After cutting down the Djinn’s victim, you transferred her to Sam’s arms before setting off in search of your boyfriend.

The Djinn had gotten away and all three of you were feeling the disappointment and failure. But after the last few hunts had gone awry, you knew that Dean was teetering on the edge. Hell, you all were, but he took it particularly hard. He always felt responsible for everything that went wrong. And when everything went wrong for a solid four weeks in a row? Well… nothing you could say to him would be heard over the spearing self-hatred that was surely chorusing in his head right now.

“Babe?” It was probably best to announce your presence before touching him. You knew he wouldn’t ever hurt you on purpose, and you could definitely handle yourself, but you’d rather not have to dodge his pent up swing and add that to his guilt that he nearly hit his girlfriend. “Hey, Dean. C’mere.”

He shook his head, hand pressed against the wall, head hung low. “He got away, Y/N. I had him right here.”

“We’ll get him, Dean.” Padding over softly, you wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your cheek between his shoulder blades. It didn’t matter that his shirt was damp with sweat. It didn’t matter that you had blood spattered on your cheek. All that mattered was that Dean knew that you were there for him. “Maybe not tonight, but we’ll get him.”

You could hear Sam talking softly to the two victims you’d saved, but chose to stay with Dean. Sam knew what he was doing. You and he had a lot in common when it came to dealing with failure. And right now, Sam had a job, so he would be able to make it until he was alone, or until the three of you collapsed in the hotel room.

Dean however…

His breathing was slowing and heartbeat quieting under your ear. When he took one, last deep breath and straightened out, you loosened your hold around him, but didn’t let go. As soon as Dean turned around, you hugged him close again, breathing a sigh of relief when his arms surrounded you and his nose nudged into your hair, breathing deeply.

He was going to be okay.

*****

“I’m sure it’s just a cold,” you said through a stuffy nose, buried in blankets on your bed. “You two go. I’ll be fine for the weekend.”

Dean took a step forward and you held up your hand to ward him off. You didn’t want him getting sick too. “I don’t mind staying here with you, Y/N.”

“And leave Sam alone? Last time you did that, he ended up taking off for a few days to see some author read her book for hours on end. The kid needs you, Dean. Who else will pull him from his geeky ways?”

“I think my sick girlfriend needs me too.”

“All that’d do is get you sick too. I’ll just take it easy for a few days, watch some Netflix, take some baths, eat some soup… I appreciate it, Dean. But I don’t want you to get sick.”

He sighed, giving in. “Alright. Fine. But I’m gonna be checking in so often it’ll feel like I never left.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less.”

As he came closer, you knew it was pointless to try to get him to stay away. He wouldn’t leave without a kiss, even if it was just on the forehead. And, to be honest, you wouldn’t want him too. Looking up into his shining eyes, you gave him a weak smile. “Love you, Dean.”

“Love you too, sweetheart. Take care.”

You watched as he closed the door behind him before you sank back down into the pillows. It wasn’t even half an hour later that your chills turned to shakes and you barely made it to the toilet before upheaving the light breakfast you’d been nibbling on. With your head in the toilet bowl, you didn’t hear the squeal of the garage door opening or the heavy footsteps coming down the hallway. It was the fingers on your head, pulling your hair back from your face that would have made you jump if you’d had the energy.

“Dean?”

“I’m here, babe.”

“What about—”

“Sam called Charlie. She’ll meet him down in Georgia. I couldn’t leave my best girl alone while she was sick, so I just ran into town for a quick supply run.” Once he had all of your hair in a messy bun in his hand, he settled onto the floor next to you. “And I don’t want to hear anything about me getting sick.”

“’m glad you’re here.” Getting through a cold alone wasn’t a big deal. But when it suddenly became the flu?

The porcelain of the toilet was cold against your cheek; a stark contrast to the heat in your cheek. For nearly fifteen minutes, you sat there on the floor with Dean’s fingers tangled in your hair. When you puked all you had left to puke, you sat back against the wall with a sheen of sweat across your forehead. “Why can I keep fighting after literally getting shot in the leg, but a stupid virus knocks me out?”

Dean chuckled beside you, reaching up to fill a cup with water. “As badass as you are, sweetheart, you’re still human. Here, swish and spit.”

Just the slight movement it took to sit up and spit into the toilet upset your fragile equilibrium and triggered more dry heaving.

It was going to be a long few days.

*****

“Dean! Over there!” you shouted, pointing at the ghost that appeared behind Sam, who immediately dropped so Dean could shoot the phantom with rock salt.

Once the ghost disappeared momentarily, Sam resumed digging the grave. The pile of dirt seemed to grow and grow and grow, but the hole didn’t get any deeper. “Sam, hurry up!!”

“I’m going as fast as I can,” he gritted out, throwing another shovel of dirt on the pile that was now nearly as tall as him.

Three small kids ran out from behind the dirt pile just as your breaths started coming out in cloudy puffs. It seemed like your body was paralyzed. You tried to run to the kids, but couldn’t move as the ghost advanced on them instead. Desperate, you called out to Dean, trying to get him to shoot rock salt at the ghost for a brief reprieve.

But he didn’t respond.

“Dean!” You tried calling out again, again receiving no response.

The tell-tale sound of a shovel hitting a casket pulled you from your paralysis and you found that you could move again. Hinges creaked and you looked down in the hole that seemed to be a mile deep as Sam opened the casket. “Toss me the fuel and salt, Y/N!”

The fuel… the fuel… where the hell is the fuel? You looked all around you for the duffle bag that you swore was right next to you just moments ago only to see a patch of grass. The green grass shriveled into dusty brown specks before your eyes.

“Y/N!” Sam’s shout came again, but you couldn’t tear your gaze away from the grass particles that were carried away by the wind.

Suddenly, the three kids were right in front of you. Blood dripped down their faces and they spoke in concert: “You didn’t save us. Why didn’t you save us, Y/N?”

“No… no!” Backing away from the awful scene, you tripped and fell backwards, arms reeling as the grave Sam had just dug stretched into a seemingly never-ending fun house mirror effect. Children’s faces watched you from behind the mirrors, angry frowns morphing into chilling grins, damning you for your failures. Their deaths were on you. Further and further you fell, some unknown force pulling you towards purgatory.

Then you were standing in an old motel room. You gasped for air, doubling over. Equilibrium should have returned, but it was as if you were on a merry-go-round and the world wouldn’t stop tilting.

“Y/N.” Dean’s voice normally grounded you. But now? His deep rasp reached into your body and gripped your throat. Your air supply was cut off so suddenly that you couldn’t even gasp for breath. Those green eyes you loved so much glared daggers at you. “They died because of you. It’s all your fault.”

*****

“Stop it!” You shouted, waking yourself.

Dean’s head shot up from where he was bent over a laptop on the desk. “Whoa, Y/N.” As your chest heaved, struggling for breath, Dean hurried over. He immediately wrapped his arm around your shoulder. “Baby, you’re okay. It was just a dream.”

You shook your head. “No, no it’s–” You cut yourself off and forced a deep breath in. Sure, the events were a dream, but the words? They were true. They were true, and they caught up to you. You’d spent so long shoving aside reality and focusing on the brothers and what they needed. What Dean needed.

Dean.

He didn’t need to deal with this. As soon as you could, you would fortify yourself again and push it all away. You’d be back to good again.

Another deep breath and you shook your head again, this time to clear your mind. “Just a dream,” you whispered, repeating his words. “Just a dream.”

“That’s right, sweetheart. Just a dream.”

You focused on Dean’s hand moving over your arm, drawing comfort from the familiar action. When you felt calm enough, you looked up at Dean, intending to thank him. But he took one look at your eyes and his brow furrowed.

“Sweetheart?”

“It was just a dream, Dean. I’m fine. I just… It’s the life, right?”

Calloused fingers trailed down your cheek and Dean brought his forehead to hers. “Sure, sweetheart. But that doesn’t mean nightmares don’t get to us.”

“They don’t get to you,” you whispered.

He sighed, breath disturbing the air between them. “Baby, they do. But I’ve got you. I get to wake up next to you and I remember that whatever the hell I’ve gone through and whatever I’ve fucked up in my life, somehow I’ve managed to do something right enough that you love me.”

“I do love you,” you murmured.

“Whatever your nightmare was about, whatever was said… Baby that’s not real. I love you. And that’s fucking real.”

For a long moment you sat in silence, just taking in the warmth and affection from Dean. Then you cracked a timid smile, taking the first step out of the tailspin that the dream had sent you into. “Since when do you say such pretty words, Dean Winchester?”

“Since the day I fell in love with you. And every damn day that I get to stand by your side and hold your hand and feel how much you love me.” His thumb traced over your cheek bone, drawing your eyes to his. “I don’t need to know the details about your dream. But if I can manage to deserve someone as amazing as you in my life after the shit I’ve done, then you sure as hell deserve sainthood just for putting up with me, not to mention for all of the people you’ve saved.”

“I didn’t save them all, Dean.” Your eyes fell from his as the kids’ faces from your dream flickered across the sheets in front of you.

“Baby, we couldn’t save them all. We tried every damn thing we could. Sometimes, it just isn’t possible.” Dean brushed his lips across your cheek. “You taught me that. Guess it was past time that you got that reminder, huh?”

You gave in and leaned against him, physically and mentally. “Pretty words from a pretty face. How did I get so lucky to have such a great boyfriend?”

“You think I’m pretty?” He smiled. “Cause I think those pretty words came from your pretty face first, sweetheart.”

His nose nudged yours moments before a soft kiss was brushed across your lips like a paintbrush feathering a sunset onto a canvas. The rumble of thunder in Dean’s voice settled you like a comforting weighted blanket. “‘sides, sweetheart… you saved me the moment I met you. If you can save a bastard like me, anything that tells you that you failed can shove it.”

Eyes shining, you fell into his eyes. “We saved each other, Dean.”

“Damn right, we did.”

#dean x reader #dean x reader fluff #dean winchester fluff #supernatural fanfiction

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rabbits-rib · 20 days

Note

Rubbing my hands together like a evil fly

What's up pookie how are you, I have another request of it's okay :3

Some sfw and NSFW headcanons for Tim and Evan?

(the volleyball ones were so good I was giggling and kicking my legs ngl)

-🐟

HIII FISHY !! i'm soso happy you liked them :33 lmk if any of this should change !!

[NSFT] 🚬☠️ Tim Wright / Evan Myers x gn!reader sft and nsft headcanons :)

· · ·

Tim :

[SFT]

sappy guy honestly

he's got a lot of walls for you to get through, but as soon as you do he's the SWEETEST

he's a family man i can tell you that

whether that's y'all and some kids or y'all and some pets is up to you

he's the kinda guy to slow dance in the kitchen with you, quietly humming and tracing small circles into your back

he feels so guilty for it, but he does have a lot of reoccurring nightmares given what he's been through

he made need space, he may need comfort, but he just doesn't want you to be scared

that's honestly a major fear of his, making you scared of him in any way

it's a lot of his job and day to day, but he doesn't wanna do that to you. he knows you, he's let you into his life, he wants to keep you there

he honestly and truly does his best to keep you happy

he knows he can't get you everything he wishes he could, but he'll be damned if he doesn't try to make it up to you in other ways

[NSFT]

SPEAKING OF OTHER WAYYSSS

lord have mercy does this man love to praise you

every little thing you do, every little noise you make, he thinks it's the sweetest thing

not to say he won't be absolutely demolishing you, but he's definitely gonna be whispering deep, gravely praises into your ear while he does it

you have an almost constant hum of a low, "yeahh, that feel good, pretty? doin' so good for me, just a little more, i know you've got it in ya"

LOOOVES FUCKING YOU FROM THE BACK 🗣️

the control he has to use you however he wants reaaally gets him going

and he likes that you get to be as loud as you want, since most of the time he lasts long enough for your arms give out holding your body up that you're just a moaning mess against the pillows

he has

a secret

that he is EMBARRASSEDDDDDD about

it makes his head spin when you mark up his neck

he's so sensitive, poor thing has to grab onto your hips with a vice grip to keep himself grounded

if you catch him in the right moment while you're riding him and go for his neck, it's one of the few times you can hear him whimper

Evan :

[SFT]

HE IS SUCH A GOOF

complete dork and we love him for it

he's so obviously head over heels for you and it's the sweetest

if you like to talk about drama from work, school, etc he is PERFECT for over the top reactions

i feel like you guys have a lot of those moments where if there's a beat of silence in a conversation or just in general as soon as you guys make eye contact you burst out laughing at literally nothing

likes to play his music LOUDD

especially in the shower or while he's cleaning he is jamming way tf out and he absolutely wants you to join him

i think physical touch, words of affirmation and quality time are big things for him, so even if you're just there sitting on the couch while he's blasting music and smiling at him, he's over the moon

he's so silly and such a sap he'd do anything for you ☹️

[NSFT]

i can't imagine a world where Evan isn't loud

loves having you on top, you having any kind of control over him makes him melt

he is such a mess when he gets head

he's grabbing at anything he can, throwing his head back to let out whimpers and moans of your name

"o-ohh my god- babe please, please please it's s'much-"

HE CAN BE A SWEETHEART SOFT DOM THO

pressing your legs against your chest, panting and whimpering while trying his best to stay focused and keep an actual rhythm but you just feel so good around him his hips stutter and jolt against the back of your thighs

he always loves getting to see your face during anything

he wants to know he's doing good, and if he gets to watch your eyes roll back and hear you gasp out his name it's all he needs

he likes to talk you through it 😛

you could be on top riding him and as soon as he knows you're close he'd have a hand gripping your thigh or holding your hand, his voice low and adoring at he tells you "come on, baby, i got you, cum for me. i'm right here, i knoww, it feels so good, huh?"

#🐟#evan myers x reader #evan myers smut #tim wright x reader #tim wright smut #everymanhybrid x reader #marble hornets x reader #rabbit writings

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lefluoritesys · 5 months

Text

It's so weird to feel excluded in DID spaces because... we don't suffer 24/7. And I mean we don't suffer so much, we actually have a good experience with DID most of the time, and it genuienly helps us survive. Like we're not perfect, of course, but the good overrides the bad, and most of our problems don't come from alters.

I could pop in to front and ask an alter at front to not talk to somebody, or do something for me, and they would. If they have questions, they'd ask. Like, "Hey, I don't like this person... can you be careful around them?" or "Don't share that info about me", and they'd be like "Okay, cool" and move on.

We found ways to differenciate between each other, and sometimes dissociation actually makes us feel better. Because with too many alters in front, we can temporarily dissociate into one blob that would let us function. Best part? It lets us use all the roles of alters inf ront at once as this one blob. Temporary merging that isn't really temporary merging, to be honest... I have no idea how else to describe it. it is but it isn't. And even if there is dissociation, it's not cause of alters, it's cause of our brain being a bitch.

I sometimes lean back in my chair in the front room when I'm in control of the body, turn to our physical persecutor (who also happens to be my best friend), and go, "Hey, you good if I do homework on your subject today?" And they go, "Sure. You sure you can do it tho? Like, do you have memories of how?" And I'd go, "I think so, I just don't wanna switch rn, I'll call you if I need help, though." And they'd go "Cool."

Like, don't get me wrong, we have had problems. But they were never because somebody was bad, they were because of people's actions that were honestly mostly fueled by being abused, trauma, and figuring out how to properly function. No one was ever the problem. We have alters who are just awful, but that's a separate problem. People in front for us are lovely. Sometimes we have fights, sometimes we have relapses, sometimes we just have horrible things happen to each other or IRL or something else. But no one is ever the problem. We never had that mentality that DID, and our alters, were the problem. Their actions are sometimes, but not them as separate personalities. Actually, we had problems with each other and with DID because people outside told us we should. DID improved our lives, and the areas that it didn't, we never saw it as it "ruined" them, it just... made them harder, and told us there are different ways we need to go about daily stuff and life. To each other, we're literally just people with mental health issues who are trying to make the body functional, but also? We're even kinda happy to be here. And if not happy, at the very least neutral enough not to want to become one.

It's so weird hanging around here, having a blog dedicated to spread positivity about DID, kinda being like:

"Hello, we are actually... functional. And would have always been if people didn't try to convince us otherwise out of their own misery and want for everyone else to be miserable."

We have issues, but they're not because of DID, DID actually helps us with them. It doesn't make us feel invalid, I don't think, but it does make us question whether we belong in DID community. And we have a lot of alters with low empathy, somehow, that makes us more compassionate? It's such a weird problem to have. It shouldn't even be a problem but here we are.

-host

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heartf4iry · 8 months

Text

💘 hihi! :) it's been a long while... but i finally decided 2 write something! ellie plays the guitar 4 u! i wrote this a while ago n just revised, so... ermmm, enjoy! mwaaah 💋

cw: none!! :D my first fluff piece on tumblr tho, like. ever. beware.

ellie’s room is dim, lamp casting a honey glow that warms the poster-filled walls, a comforting air swimming about in the mellow atmosphere. her room has pretty much become your room, too, things like clothes and underwear and tiny trinkets littering themselves around her space.

tonight was just another one of your sleepovers. you’d watched movies, ate bag after bag of stale, yet buttery popcorn, raged over stupid board games, and even went for your nightly can’t-sleep-walks down the block and back.

ellie’s bedside clock reads past midnight, but you’re sure it’s beyond that with how tired and restless you are. luckily, the two of you remain alone in the home, so, curfew was out the window.

…well, there was joel asleep in his room down the hall, along with his thundering snores, but he didn't count.

it's one of those nights where neither of you can sleep and the nuisance by the name of boredom keeps you awake. now in your last resorts, ellie's sat in her desk chair facing you, eyes on her guitar while you admired the scene before you.

her freckles wink in the toasty light. her fingers work skillfully against the strings that sound an unknown, yet delicate tune. she hums lyrics under her breath of a song that lie unfinished in her journal, but, you remember her ticklish whisper against your ear referring to the words being about you one dazed, giggly night.

you’re laid on your stomach on her bed, fiddling with a tiny astronaut figure she's named neil, or space guy, or… whatever. you’d stick to neil for now as you listened to her play.

she then stops, exhaling a deep, dreadful sigh. she rocks side to side in the chair, lifting her eyes to study you. taking in your eyes, your soft, in slight parted lips. you pretend not to feel her gaze that makes you burn all over with a bashful smile, focusing on tiny neil in your hands.

“stop staring,” you mutter, flashing hot all over when her eyes don't shy away. ellie was always the type to gawk at pretty girls wherever, whenever. whether it was a double take (to see some ass) or just a simple and purely, unintentional perverted stare, the action was just an ellie thing to do. it was something that she knew would be deemed as problematic, or just fucking creepy, but—fast forward a few years later, and a few motivational pep talks from trusty wingman dina, here she was with one of the pretty girls she caught herself staring at the most. not even that, but currently in her room, on her bed, and ellie thinks she just might burst.

ellie shakes her head, placing her forearm on the body of the guitar to rest her chin atop her arm.

“can't. you're too pretty not to,” she rasps, voice low and teasing that urges a plethora of tingles to rise in your stomach. “literally shutup.” you groan, masking the complaint with a breathy laugh.

she chuckles, “what? can't look at my girlfriend now?”

“no you.. creep.” you break into a sudden yawn, the woozy sensation of sleep begging to bury you in its blanket of slumber.

“tired?” ellie notices, yawning right after you. so it really is contagious, she thinks. your lazy nodding is simple confirmation of her question.

“well, i could… play a song for you? anything you want.” ellie begins, grinning once your eyes catch hers. “got any suggestions?” you hum in curiosity, not even a second passing before a song appears in your mind.

“oh! the glue song!”

ellie’s eyes narrow, brows dropping when the words slip from your mouth. “the... glue song?”

you roll your eyes in obviousness at her confusion. “yes, the glue song. by that girl? umm... beabadoobee?”

“…beabawho?”

“ellie, the one! that’s like, i’ve never known someone like youuu… huuu...”

silence. the room was so still you could hear the crickets outside chirping in the grass. ellie just stares at you with an anticipating smile when you stop singing the line, and under an instance you feel shy and embarrassed and small under her burning gaze.

“okay, yeah? ...go on.”

“noo..”

“keep going! babe—“

you huff out a sigh, rolling onto your back. your head hangs off the edge of the bed now and everything, even puzzled ellie, is upside down. “c’mon, will you just play it already? m’tired… and… y’know the song right?”

ellie snickers, her feet swinging back and forth under the chair in subtle amusement. “of course i do. but you’re definitely singing it to me someday. no take backs.”

you blow your eyes out in playful annoyance. “yeahyeah. whatever.”

as if she was going to start, she looks down at her guitar before her eyebrows raise, “anddd what do i get in return?”

you smile, a sly one, “hmm... a thousand kisses and, a trip inside my space exhibit.”

ellie freezes. “holy shit! babe? you own a space exhibit? sounds sick, we should go sometime.”

“i meant my—ellie.”

“okay. okay. bossy. anything for my girlfriend, yeah? my favorite girlfriend,” ellie peeks at you through her lashes, green eyes twinkling a blend of silvery emerald in the low lamplight. she grins at the way your expression melts into warmth, though it's hard to tell when you're upside down.

“el, i think... i’m your only girlfriend.”

“yeah, but... you're my favorite. there's a difference, babe.”

“ell-“

“the song. i know.” she exhales a dry chuckle, “justtt messin’ with you.”

ellie adjusts her posture and drums her fingertips against the strings to develop a familiar feel.

you're quick to flip on your side and plop your head against her pillow, shimming around to get comfortable for your own personal late night show—staring the talented and sexy, ellie williams.

ellie shuffles in her seat before grabbing the neck of her guitar, the other going over the body. her brows pinch inward when she tries to recall the tune, nodding in confirmation to herself once the familiar notes appear in mind.

she then halts to look at you, “ready?”

“yep. song's been stuck in my head all day.” you break into a smile out of pure excitement, and ellie chuckles at the sight.

finger antsy against the strings, she takes a deep breath, as she always does before she plays; especially for you. “whew, okay. uh, okay.” ellie’s played countless times in a setting like this, in her room with you, home alone while she sat on the bed and you watched in the chair or vice versa. yet, she's still found herself jittery, unsure, doubtful, of her own abilities. even in the comfort of your presence. one of ellie’s fears: failing to impress her girlfriend.

as if you had read her mind, your soft line of reassurance sucks her out of her busy, crowded mind. “ellie, hey, s’okay. promise i'll love it.”

ellie looks down at her feet, then up to you. “you sure?”

“so sure. i always do. ever heard of... wasshisname... jimi hendrix? you're like him.” you giggle, and ellie flashes a sheepish grin, looking down to her leg she didn't even realize was bouncing. it stops. “oh shit—uh, jimi? definitely not him babe.”

“mm, well i think so. c’mere.” you lean forward with your hands planted on her bed, lips puckered. “kiss for extra promising.”

ellie breaks into a warm smile at your mumbled words and reciprocates the action. not once, but twice, just because. in all honesty, your lips against hers did help simmer a few bustling nerves. even if she was backstage of an awaiting, roaring crowd, ellie thinks the tiny, feathery kiss would root away every bit of anxiousness.

after a moment of stillness, she begins, and the first few strums make your heart flutter. you grow all warm and fuzzy, similar to the first time she's played guitar for you. the urge to melt into mush right then and there and pool at her feet is strong when she was playing like that.

all you can do is watch her, hearts practically pumping in your eyes. ellie catches your lovesick expression, her lips twitching into a smile as she continues. the tune is cozy, and you didn’t know if it was ellie's playing lulling you or if it was past midnight—the dimly lit room failing to do you any good as your eyes became heavier, and heavier.

when ellie begins singing, oh so gentle and velvety sweet—i've never known someone like youuuuu, her eyes don't dare to leave yours, singularly singing to you like you were the only one in the whole wide world.

a cheesy smile spreads onto your lips, your cheeks rising in romantic warmth before ellie's the first to look away, eyes on her fingers that pluck the strings, carefully going over each note so it could be perfect, just for you, her "favorite" only girlfriend.

you don't remember much, other than ellie... and ellie being cute and the best girlfriend on earth and... oh yeah, ellie, before your eyes closed. when she’s nearing the end, you’re already softly snoring.

with one last strum, ellie sets the guitar down against the desk, and can’t help but smile fondly at the sight. your breathing slow and your expression peaceful, a silky golden glow resting over your features.

ellie doesn't know if she's ever loved a person as much as she's loved you. what she does know, is that this will be a thing she'll forever look forward to. as sappy as that sounds, she believes nights like these with her guitar and favorite person would be cherished in her heart, endlessly.

she’s glad she was able to get you to sleep, knowing you'd say something about her being the perfect lullaby when you wake tomorrow. a silent chuckle leaves her lips at the thought.

ellie leans down to place a shy kiss on your forehead, switching off the lamp and whispering, “night babe, hope you loved it.”

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams drabble

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daechwitatamic · 1 year

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VII. Supposed to Be With You

(banner by @/itaeetwon)

Title: My Feet to Follow, and My Heart to Hold (Masterpost)

Rating: NSFW - minors dni

Genre: college!au, roomie!au, angst, s2l, the absolute slowest of burns

Pairing: Namjoon x female reader, unrequited Taehyung x reader

Beta'd by @/kookstempo, @/casuallyimagining, and @/toikiii - thank you endlessly!

Summary: You know a lot about the many types of love thanks to Kim Taehyung. You love him as the only person you see as “family”, you love him as your very best friend, and you love him as the beautiful, funny man he’s become. But when a twist of fate during your senior year has you rooming with his good friend Kim Namjoon, you just might find that you have plenty left to learn about love.

Lesson One: there are such things as a right way and a wrong way to love and to be loved.

You and Namjoon support each other through some tough days.

Section Warnings: language, dealing with loss, pov switch to Namjoon for a section or two

WC: 6k

The world is mine: blue hill, still silver lake, Broad field, bright flower, and the long white road A gateless garden, and an open path: My feet to follow, and my heart to hold. - Journey | Edna St. Vincent Millay

Saturday November 10th

[9:22 AM] You: grocery run??? [9:36 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: ur just using me for my car 🙁 [9:37 AM] You: not true!!! i like when we go together and talk while we shop 🥺 [9:37 AM] You: the car is simply a bonus ☝️ [9:39 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: i mean do i rly want to go run errands this morning… no [9:40 AM] You: you’re the worst [9:43 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: text me later tho! and buy those chips? remember the good ones? [9:45 AM] You: you’re literally insufferable 🙄

Officially on your own, you rise from the couch, coffee mug cooled and almost empty in your hand, and head back to your room to get dressed. When you’re ready, you place your coffee cup in the sink to deal with later and get your little wheely cart from the pantry. When you turn, Namjoon is in the living room, and you jump - just barely fighting back a shriek of surprise.

“God, you really are jumpy,” he laughs. “Are you ever just relaxed?”

“I startle easily!” you say defensively, laughing too.

“Are you getting groceries?” he asks, eyes catching on the cart in your hands.

“Yeah,” you say, following his gaze and looking down at your hands. “I was just on my way.”

“Can I go with you?” he asks, totally surprising you. “I need a few things.”

“Oh,” you say, still a little shocked by the question. “You can tell me what you need, if you want! I can grab it for you.”

“I’d rather join you,” he says, “as long as you don’t mind?”

You consider this. “No, I don’t mind,” you say, shrugging. “Do you need a few minutes?”

He shakes his head. “I can go now.”

It’s pleasant, walking through town together, pulling your little cart. It’s unseasonably warm, though the forecast claims you’re due for a frost that night and the next few days will stay cold. Namjoon talks easily with you as you collect produce, meats, and cheeses from the front section of the store. Overhead, the muzak plays 90’s hits that your mom used to love.

“You start on this side?” he asks, a little playful. “I always start on the other end.”

“I have a system,” you insist, smiling. “You’ll see. It’s very methodical.”

On the cereal row, your favorite brand seems to be low in stock. You stretch on your tippytoes, reaching, fingers just barely catching the corner of the box. It tips, then settles back where it was.

You know what’s coming, somehow, and you - the world’s jumpiest human - aren’t startled at all when you feel Namjoon’s warm body solidly against your back. One hand steadies you both by resting on your waist, the other reaches easily for the box you wanted.

There’s space between you again, too quickly, as he hands you the box. He avoids your gaze, like he’s not sure if he crossed a line or not.

“Be careful,” you tease, “or I’ll get spoiled and I’ll ask you to reach all the high places for me.”

He smiles. “It’s a curse I’ve lived with for a long time.”

You make your way, shivering, through the freezer sections, grabbing what you need. Namjoon carries a reusable bag of his own handful of items he’s picked up through the rows, so that he can pay for his separately.

Once you’re done, you check out and head home. Namjoon places a hand on the cart to pull it for you, and you shoulder him away.

“I’ve got it,” you insist.

He gives you an indulgent look. “You can let me pull the groceries, Y/N. It doesn’t have to mean anything you don’t want it to mean.”

This shames you into silence, and you move over to let him take the cart. You don’t feel like you deserve the patience he’s affording you.

“Don’t get all quiet on me, little cactus,” he says, eyeing you sideways. “Everything’s fine. We’re fine.”

What’s we? The only reason you don’t know is because you’re too cowardly to ask.

“What ever happened with your ex?” you ask, needing the subject to change. “We haven’t talked about that in a few weeks. Did you ever answer her?”

Beside you, Namjoon grimaces.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you say quickly. “I was just curious.”

“I answered her a while ago… back before Halloween. I told her I wasn’t interested in talking. She’s… been persistent.”

You frown. “Has she said what she wants?”

He shakes his head. “Just that she wants to see me, she wants to talk. I’ve pushed it - I know she’s got a reason - but she sticks to that story. She just wants to see me.”

You wrinkle your nose. “It doesn’t sound like she even knows.”

He purses his lips, annoyed with the situation. “That’s not it. She knows. She just can’t straight out say to me that she wants to see me to find out if I miss her or not.”

“Well…” you say carefully. You’re walking behind him a little, so you don’t have to see his face as you ask, “Do you?”

“I truly don’t,” he says, turning to look at you, something earnest and insistent in his voice. Like he needs you to believe him. “Trust me, it was toxic.”

You’re quiet for a minute, following his footsteps. “I think you can recognize the flaws in a relationship and still miss the person, though,” you say quietly. “I’m just saying. I wouldn’t judge you if you did, a little.”

“I don’t,” he says firmly.

You walk in silence, chastised. Then, you ask, “So she hasn’t given up?”

Namjoon shakes his head again.

“Let me talk to her for you,” you tease. “I’ll sort her out.”

He looks backwards at you now, smiling a little. “You’re not scary,” he disagrees.

You drop your jaw in pretend indignation. “I am scary!”

He shakes his head. “Not even a little.”

You pretend to gasp. “That is absolutely the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me,” you pretend to pout, reaching out to give him a playful swat.

The apartment is in sight, and you’ve got Namjoon’s laugh ringing in your ears as you get close enough to the front steps to register that someone is sitting on them. Then you register the parked car along the sidewalk.

Your brain slowly puts two and two together.

Taehyung watches you two come closer, the groceries in tow. He looks serious, and as you get close enough to talk to him, you wonder anxiously if he’s here because something is wrong.

“Hi,” you say, a little breathlessly. He steps out of the way to let Namjoon up the stairs with the cart. “We were getting groceries.”

“I see that,” he says, voice just a touch flat. He looks between Namjoon and you. “I called you.”

“Oh,” you say, reaching immediately for your pocket. “I didn’t feel it go off. Sorry, Taetae.” You give him big, sad eyes. He cracks quickly, just like he always has.

“It’s okay,” he says, sounding more like himself. “I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang.”

“I definitely do,” you tell him. “Come up while I put the groceries away, and we can figure out a plan?”

He nods, following you up the stairs. In the kitchen, the cart sits in the middle of the kitchen, all of your items waiting for you. Namjoon is in the fridge, putting a few of his own things away.

You start pulling your own items out of the cart one by one, putting them where they go. You and Namjoon move around each other easily, like it’s choreographed. At one point, he gently takes a box from your hands and puts it up on the highest shelf for you. You smile at him in thanks.

Taehyung watches all of this silently from where he’s perched at the breakfast bar. When your groceries are put away, you face Taehyung and put your hands on your hips. “What do you wanna do?” you ask.

He shrugs easily, his eyes on his phone screen as he scrolls. “Don’t care. What were you gonna do before I showed up?”

Honestly? Probably hang out with Namjoon in the living room, read a little, do some homework, maybe watch a show.

“I’m going to get some writing done,” Namjoon says, even though nobody asked him. It’s like he wants you to know you can remove him from the equation. You have a feeling that hadn’t been his original plan, either.

“Just hang out,” you say, looking back at Taehyung. His messy hair falls over his eyes as he bends his head to look at his phone. “Wanna put on a show?”

You get comfortable on the couch. The familiarity sets in, the comfort of doing your normal thing, with your normal person, in your normal place. It’s so much less scary than foraying into uncharted territory with Namjoon.

But it’s stagnant, too.

“My parents said to tell you hi,” Taehyung informs you from his side of the couch. “They asked how you were.”

“Oh,” you say, looking over the top of your phone at him. “Hi! Tell them I’m good. I miss them! Tell your mom I miss her stew, like, badly.”

“I can’t tell her that,” Taehyung laughs. “She’ll make you some and tell me to drive there to get it for you.”

“I fail to see the problem,” you sniff. From behind Namjoon’s door, you hear the telltale sound of classical music.

You know what that means - the writing isn’t going well. On the other side of the door, he’s stuck.

Thursday November 15th

Your alarm on Thursday goes off way before it should. You tap the snooze button without looking, and then are baffled when the buzzing doesn’t stop. You actually open one eye to peek at the screen and see that Kris is calling you. Something must be wrong.

“Hello?” you answer groggily, clearing your throat.

“I am so sorry,” they say in greeting. “I am such an asshole for waking you up and I am such an asshole for what I’m about to ask you.”

You groan, already knowing what’s coming.

“Can you please - please please please please please - cover me at the store for like two hours later?” they beg.

“I’m in class until 4:30,” you tell them.

“That’s fine, I don’t need you until six.”

“You want me to close?” you yelp. “Kris!”

“I will owe you a hundred times over,” they say desperately.

You roll onto your back and close your eyes again, the phone pressed to your ear. “Fine,” you grumble finally, because you love Kris, and because you need the money.

You survive both your morning and afternoon classes, grabbing lunch with Taehyung in the caf between the two. After your afternoon class, you have a weird gap of time before Kris needs you at the store, so you head for the library and do a bit of work. When it’s nearly time, you pack up and head to the store. You’re nearly there when you feel your phone vibrate in your hand.

[5:51 PM] Namjoon: did you order dinner already? I’m leaving campus now

[5:51 PM] You: im covering kris at the bookstore until 8:30 :(

You watch his three dots appear, then vanish. Appear, then vanish. Appear… hover… then vanish.

[5:54 PM] Namjoon: want me to bring you something to eat?

You want to sink down onto the concrete path and melt into the ground. What is this absolutely boyfriend behavior, and why are the butterflies in your stomach having a rager over it?!

It’s like he knows you’ll be having a whole meltdown about it, because he follows up quickly.

[5:55 PM] Namjoon: it’s not a big deal i can grab something on campus for myself too and bring it over

[5:56 PM] You: i would really appreciate that :’) best roomie ever

[5:57 PM] You: that was NOT me roomie-zoning you!!! you can be best roomie ever AND ….whatever else lol

Sometimes you wonder who decided to let you ever leave your house. You deserve a trophy for being the most awkward human alive.

You can’t dwell on it, though, because you’re at the store and you have to clock in and take over the register. There’s always a bit of a rush around the dinner hours - more students are in the student center for dinner anyway and stop in for what they need, or opt to get crappy snacks instead of real dinner. You don’t judge.

It’s almost eight when you see Namjoon’s familiar shape in the door. He’s holding a bag of food and uses his shoulders to push the door open.

“You brought me sustenance?” you ask hopefully. Your stomach is growling.

“I did,” he tells you. He sets the bag on the counter and you dig into it immediately, pulling out the wrap he got for you.

“You are a god amongst men,” you tell him reverently. He beams at you, standing still practically in the doorway of the store. He shifts over when the bell above the door chimes, and a pretty girl with dark hair steps through. You don’t think anything of it until you watch the smile literally drop off of his face.

“I thought that was you,” she says, her voice hushed like she’s in church, and her eyes are on his. You shove another bite of your wrap into your mouth and sink further behind the cashier’s counter, praying for invisibility.

“Elyse,” he says, and you notice several that all of him has gone tight - his eyes, his shoulders, his fists, his voice. All of it becomes coiled, ready to spring. You resist the urge to say his name, even though it’s fighting its way out of your mouth, so strong is your urge to calm him. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just passing,” she says, sounding a little wounded. “I thought I saw you in here, so I came in. What are you doing here?”

You wait for him to implicate you, to indicate that he’s here to bring you food, spend time with you on the sly.

Instead, he says, “I lost my headphones again.”

A lie.

A lie that leaves you out.

The smile creeps over her face, fond and adoring. She shakes her head, hair swishing. “You’re such a mess, Namjoon.”

His eyes narrow, but he says nothing. The silence stretches between them, and finally he says, “What do you want, Elyse? You saw me and you came in why?”

Her eyebrows knit together; the hurt you’d heard in her voice shifts onto her face. “I just wanted to talk to you,” she says. “I’ve been trying to talk to you.”

He licks his lips, glances at you for the barest of seconds before facing her, arms crossing defensively over his chest.

“I’m aware,” he says dryly. “And I’ve been telling you no thanks. So, again… why are you here?”

Now the girl - Elyse, obviously - eyes you for the first time. You take another bite of your wrap, all innocence. For all she knows, you’re just the girl working the register at the school bookstore. She doesn’t know where you live… or what you’ve been doing with your roommate.

“Can we… go somewhere?”

He looks at her flatly in response.

“To talk,” she says, like she needed to explain, like he doesn’t completely get it.

“If you need to say something to me so badly,” he says, his voice scarily even, “you can do it right here.”

“I just…” she says, faltering, looking back at him, “I just wanted to know how you were, I guess. I’ve been… having a hard time, and I…” She glances at you again, like she’s embarrassed for this conversation to be witnessed - and honestly, you don’t blame her. “I guess I wondered if you were, too.” She looks at the floor, rubbing her arms self-consciously.

And here’s the thing… from an outside perspective, even though you’ve heard his side of this… you kind of believe her. Maybe he was right when he said she just needed to grow up a little.

“I’m sorry you’re struggling,” he says, his voice softening. “You know I don’t want that for you.”

“I know,” she whispers, looking up at him through her lashes.

Damn, you think. This girl is good.

“Honestly, Elyse,” he continues, his voice still soft, gentle, “I’ve been doing fine. I’ve been okay. Just… just writing, you know?”

She smiles again, a tiny smile. You can’t believe your amazing luck to be able to innocently witness this transaction, but you also feel for him - to have this conversation in front of you has to be killing him. You can’t imagine trying to have a conversation like this with Taehyung with Namjoon listening. But you can’t leave - you’re glued to the register, your mouth still full of a chicken-avocado wrap.

“Of course,” she says, smiling shyly up at him. “Always writing. But, Namjoon...” She heaves a sigh. You wish Kris was here to witness this with you, to help you dissect it later. “I guess… I wanted to talk to you because I’ve been… I’ve been thinking about us.”

Your eyes go wide and you look at Namjoon immediately for his reaction.

“There’s no ‘us’, Elyse,” he points out, so kindly, like he doesn’t want to hurt her and he knows he has to anyway. “You made sure of that.”

You almost gasp out loud, and you quickly stifle your reaction with another big bite of dinner.

She has the presence of mind to look cowed. “I know that,” she admits. “I just… I guess I’m not sure how I feel about it now. About how we left things. And like… if that’s just me, I guess it’s my problem. But I needed to know… if it was just me.”

You’re chewing furiously, and then the damndest thing happens. Namjoon looks right at you.

You hold his gaze, and wish you could call time-out, pull him aside, confer with him before he answers. Say what you need to say, you’d tell him, because you get it. As complicated as shit is with you and Taehyung... of course you get it.

You’re fully prepared for him to tell her that it’s not just her, or at least something kind of in the middle, like it’s complicated.

He surprises you.

“It’s just you,” he tells her, and he’s holding your gaze the whole time. Like he’s talking to you. “I’m not coming back, Elyse.”

The door opens behind her, and a group of girls come in, talking loudly to one another. It gives Elyse time to get her face right, you guess, because when you look back she’s managing to smile at him, though it’s clearly forced.

“Okay,” she says. “Thanks for telling me. If your mind’s made up… then I guess there’s nothing else to say here?” She makes it a question.

“There never was,” he says, and though his words are cutting, his voice is still kind. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

She nods, licks her lips, eyes on the ground, and then she heads for the door. The group of girls come up to the register to pay, and you catch Namjoon’s gaze over their heads.

“I’ll see you at home,” he says, not a question, and you nod, scanning their items blindly.

The rest of your shift crawls, uneventful and lonely, and when you finally clock out you’re dying to text Kris or literally anyone about the episode you just witnessed.

After you lock up, you head outside of the student center. It’s dark, and freezing, and you hike your jacket up around your neck.

A voice says your name and a hand reaches for your elbow. Every time Namjoon has startled you at the apartment and you’d jumped or dropped what you were holding pales in comparison to now; you shriek, so loud that some students further down the path turn around to check on you.

“Jesus,” Namjoon huffs, laughing. “It’s just me.”

“Don’t grab people!” you scold, heart pounding against your ribs. “Holy shit.”

“Sorry,” he says, kind of an afterthought. “Are you going home now?”

As you come down from the adrenaline rush, things start to piece together in your head. “Were you… did you wait for me? It’s been almost an hour!”

“I know,” he says, rubbing a hand over his face. “I know. But I wanted to make sure I caught you.”

You take a few steps in the direction of home and he follows. You start walking together this way, you leading for once. “Why?” you ask him, genuinely curious.

He sighs, looks away from you as you cross campus together. “I wanted to tell you thank you.”

“For what?” you demand, flummoxed.

He runs his hand down the back of his neck, still avoiding your gaze.

Adorable, you think.

“For being there. For all that with Elyse.”

“Firstly,” you point out, “I did literally nothing except popcorn-gif. Secondly, if you think that was dramatic, you haven’t watched enough dramas with me. That was tame. No one even cried.”

He laughs, once. “Chances are she’s crying now.”

“What happens when the scene cuts away doesn’t count,” you tell him firmly. Then, a beat later you add, “You were admirably forth-coming with her.”

“Made me feel like shit,” he admits in a grumble. You reach out and pat his arm reassuringly.

“I’m sure it did,” you tell him. “But this has to be better than stringing her along or something.”

He gives you a hum of agreement. “Well, anyway. Thank you.”

“Namjoon,” you say seriously, “I didn’t do anything.”

“Y/N,” he says, equally serious. “You have no idea how that would have gone if you hadn’t been there. You being there saved my ass from telling her we could talk again, if it made her happy. It stopped me from getting swept away in nostalgia, or her magic powers that make me stupid. You… grounded me.”

This knocks you into silence. It feels big, like he’s telling you a lot more than he’s actually saying.

And, you get it. Because Namjoon makes you feel grounded, too.

You aren’t sure what to say. You want to say thanks, because it feels like he’s given you a compliment. You want to say you’re sorry that he had to stare her down and tell her no, when - probably - at least one, little part of him wanted to say yes.

Instead, you just ask, “Are you okay?”

He shoots you a grateful look. “Yeah,” he says, “I am. Thanks.”

“Stop thanking me,” you tease, smiling, elbowing him lightly.

He catches your wrist, tugging you closer as you walk. When you’re close enough, he wraps an arm around your waist, holding you tight through the last two city blocks.

Monday November 19th

You’ve walked to campus with Namjoon three Mondays in a row, so he waits for you this morning too, sipping his coffee at the breakfast bar patiently. As he watches the time pass, the time you normally leave together inching closer, he starts to get a little concerned.

He tries texting you - you coming to campus today? - but you don’t answer. Finally, with about ten minutes to spare, he caves and knocks on your closed bedroom door. He hears your voice respond, muffled, but he doesn’t catch what you say.

He inches the door open, and is surprised to find that not only are you not ready to go, you’re still just a lump under your blankets.

“Y/N?” he ventures. “Are you sick?”

There’s some movement up by your head as you move the comforter enough to peer at him. “No,” you tell him, your voice a bit gravelly from sleep. “But I’m not going to campus today. You can go without me.”

“You’re not sick?” he repeats, just to clarify. There’s a little part of his brain that wonders if this is a menstruation thing, but wouldn’t he have noticed days like this in the months before now?

“No,” you repeat, and pull the blanket back up to cover your ears.

He feels unsure, like maybe he shouldn’t just leave you here, at least without getting to the bottom of what’s going on.

“Are you… okay?” he asks, the same question you’d asked him before the weekend, when Elyse had tried to fucking blindside him and drown him in guilt.

“Mhm,” you say, and he waits for more, an explanation, a reassurance, anything. You give him nothing.

“Okay,” he says finally, when he’s about five minutes late and he can’t stand it anymore. “I’m going to class. You’ll be alright here?”

You give another hum of an answer. He leaves your door open as he leaves, like it’ll help.

Concern and guilt eat at him all the way through his morning class; he can barely concentrate. He doesn’t really have time to go home between class and his TA hours, but when his professor dismisses him, he finds himself lifting his bag off the ground by his chair and heading in the direction of the apartment.

The apartment is so quiet when he gets there that he feels a flash of relief - you’d gotten up and gone to class after all. But as he makes his way through the living room and peers into your room, it’s clear that you haven’t moved.

What is going on? he wonders.

“Y/N?” he says. There’s no movement, no indication that you heard him. He inches into your room, still unsure if you want him there, if he’s crossing boundaries, if he’s overstepping. “Hey, have you eaten or anything?”

Silence. He purses his lips. Words Elyse used to throw at him ring in his head - stop trying to fix it when I’m upset. I don’t want a solution, I want support. But as far as he knows, you haven’t moved all day. He goes into the kitchen and fills a glass with water and walks it back to your room determinedly.

When he gets close enough to set the glass down on your nightstand, he can see that you're awake, laying on your side, your eyes on the wall, unblinking.

He sets it down, watching your face carefully, and backs away. He’s about to give up and head out to the living room when he hears you, quiet as a breath, whisper, “Thank you.”

He pauses, turning back. “Can I…?” He falters, still so uncertain. “Can I stay with you?”

You don’t respond right away, the moment stretching heavy between you. Then, silent, you nod your head, just once. Something blooms in Namjoon’s chest, stretching and growing so that he feels his ribs must shift to make room for it. He circles around to the other side of the bed and gingerly sits, turning and stretching his long legs out, leaning back against your headboard.

You don’t move, you don’t talk, so neither does he. He just stays, and waits, and watches the slant of sunlight through your blinds crawl inch by inch across your bedroom wall. After about an hour of this, he rises, needing to move to get his phone out of his pocket. He stands, trying to get some circulation back in his legs, as he dials the department head.

“Hey,” he says, walking to your bedroom window and peering through the crack in the blinds. “I’m going to take a sick day today, okay? I didn’t have anyone scheduled… maybe Alec can take it if you need someone?”

He listens for a minute, then adds, “Yeah. Thanks, I appreciate you. Yeah, I should be fine for tomorrow. Okay. Sorry about that. Thanks again.”

When he turns back to you, you’ve actually rolled a little bit peering over your shoulder at him. “You didn’t have to do that,” you say.

He regards you seriously. “I… think I did,” he admits. “I just don’t understand exactly why yet.”

You don’t answer, your tongue sneaking out to wet your lips. Then you reach over and flip the corner of your comforter down on the empty side of the bed, an invitation.

He sits, as expected, sliding his legs under your blankets, and pulling the comforter up to his chest. He lays next to you for a few minutes, about six inches between your bodies. Then, emboldened, he scoots closer, rolls and wraps an arm around your middle, pulling you flush against his front. You stiffen for the barest of seconds, then melt back against him, letting out a deep breath. His hand rests against your stomach, and after a few minutes you shift to place your own hand against his, holding tight. Keeping him in place.

Namjoon might not know what’s going on with you today, he might not know the best thing to do to help you. But he knows he wants to do this - hold you close, wrap himself around you like a protective cocoon - until you tell him you don’t need it anymore.

He thinks he drifts off for a little; he wakes, groggy, from a half-sleep, his nose buried in your hair against the pillow, his hand slack against the mattress, still touching yours. The tightness in your shoulders tells him that you’re awake, and the blue glow from outside the window tells him the sun has set behind the buildings across the street.

He rolls a little and hugs you tight again, moving to press his face to the junction of your neck, gently. “I’m going to get up and make us something to eat,” he tells you.

“You can’t,” you tell him.

Puzzled, he asks, “Why can’t I?”

“Because I can’t save you from lighting the kitchen on fire,” you tell him seriously, and he’s so surprised that you’re joking right now that it startles a laugh out of him.

“I’ll do a better job this time,” he promises. “I’ll start smaller. You good with ramen?”

You hum. “The spicy one. With an egg.”

He smiles against your neck, and you shiver when it tickles. “Your wish is my command,” he tells you, starting to rise.

“Be careful,” you warn. “I’ll get used to this.”

“Nope,” he tells you, finally releasing your middle and scooting towards the edge of the bed. “Once you’re out of the bed, I go back to being normal.”

“Guess I’m never getting up, then,” you say wryly. Your phone buzzes on the nightstand - a call - and you ignore it. Namjoon leaves, making a point not to look at the screen. He knows who’s calling you, even without looking.

In the kitchen, the water’s not yet boiling when there’s suddenly a pounding on the door. Eyeing his pot of water over his shoulder, Namjoon walks over to open it, only to find Taehyung standing there holding a bag of take-out. The relief he feels actually surprises him, but he realizes instantly that he probably should have reached out to Taehyung in the first place, to ask if he knew what the fuck was up with your sudden day of silence.

“Thank god you’re here,” he blurts out, and watches as understanding crosses Taehyung’s face, followed by guilt.

“Ah,” Taehyung utters, upset. “I should have been here hours ago. Where is she? Has she eaten?”

Namjoon steps back to let him in. “She’s in bed,” he says. “She hasn’t moved all day - I was just heating up water for ramen for her.”

Taehyung sighs, sinking in on himself. “I’m glad you were here,” he says, so genuinely that it makes Namjoon feel sick with guilt, like he was taking part in a great deception. “I usually take care of her today. I fucked up. I didn’t realize what day it was until like half an hour ago.”

Namjoon nods at this, not sure what to say. Part of him wants to ask Taehyung for some answers; a bigger part of him would rather it come from you, when you’re ready. To give himself something to do, he moves into the kitchen to pour out half the water - he only needs to cook enough for himself, now.

Taehyung makes his way into your room, the food bag clutched in his hands. He doesn’t close the door, and Namjoon tries not to eavesdrop from the kitchen, but he can’t help but hear Taehyung tell you, in a voice that’s absolutely sorrowful, “I’m so sorry. I’m a fucking terrible friend.”

He doesn’t hear you reply, but Taehyung says, “Yes I am. I left you alone today.”

This time, Namjoon hears your reply. “I wasn’t alone,” you tell Taehyung firmly. “Namjoon was here.”

“Good,” Taehyung says, his voice muffled, like maybe he’s hugging you in there. “Good.”

Tuesday November 20th

Namjoon awakens to the smell of bacon. Confused, he pulls a tshirt over his head, and blearily peeks his face out of his bedroom. You’re bustling around the kitchen - something he’s literally never seen before - cooking a full-course breakfast.

“Y/N?” he ventures, and you whirl around, eyes wide, the spatula in your hand.

“Oh!” you say happily. “Come get some eggs!”

Namjoon doesn’t dare argue. He sits at the breakfast bar, still half asleep, trying to open his eyes all the way. You present him with a full mug of coffee, which he takes gratefully. Then, you load up a plate and slide it in front of him, and then you lean against the counter from the kitchen side, watching him intently.

“Yes?” he asks archly.

You take a deep breath. “I’m sure you have questions about yesterday,” you say seriously.

He lowers his coffee cup. “You don’t have to tell me anything,” he says quickly. “Don’t feel like you owe me an explanation. I’m just… I’m glad I could be there for you. I don’t need anything else.”

You look away from him, blinking suspiciously hard. He waits you out. When you face him again, there’s something steely in your expression.

“I have a hard time on the 19th,” you tell him. “Every year. It’s… an anniversary. For, um. For when I lost my parents.”

Namjoon’s appetite leaves him instantly. He feels himself lean forward, like he’s trying to get closer to you, like his body needs to wrap you up, just like he had yesterday. He murmurs your name, and you avoid his gaze again.

“Anyway,” you say brusquely, “thank you for staying with me. And trying to feed me. Normally Taehyung does that.”

He wasn’t here this time, something ugly inside Namjoon thinks.

Instead, he says, “You’re welcome. I’m glad I could… be there. I’m glad I was with you.”

Your gaze drops to the floor, then you seem to get it together and look up at him. “I am too,” you say, and the words sound heavy coming off your tongue. “So, really… thank you.”

Namjoon pauses. He wants to ask - he wants to know - but he’s afraid it’ll push you away. “Can I ask you something?” he ventures, finally.

You look back at him, clearly nervous. “I guess,” you say, clearly uneasy.

He grimaces a little, unsure of the choices he’s made. “Yesterday… should I have called someone?” There’s a pause, where Namjoon decides to say what he actually means. “Should I have called Taehyung? Would that have been the right thing to do?”

He watches you soften, eyes widening as you realize what he’s been worrying about. You set down the dish towel that had been in your hands and come around the breakfast bar so you can look at him unobstructed.

“No,” you tell him seriously, eyes on his. “No, you did exactly what I needed.”

“Okay,” he says, reaching for his fork to try and eat some of the eggs you’d made for him. “I just wanted to make sure.”

“Namjoon,” you say seriously, and he looks back up at you, fork in hand. You shake your head, voice pleading with him to believe you. “There is not even a tiny part of me that wishes it was Taehyung with me yesterday instead of you. I promise. Okay?”

“Okay,” he says easily, taking a bite of egg. Does he believe you? He’s not sure. But he’s eager to move on; the topic’s uncomfortable. He knows he started it, but he really did want to know if he did the wrong thing. “Did you eat any, yet?”

You give him a little smile. “I was waiting for you,” you tell him. “I’ll make my plate now.”

You settle next to him, eggs and coffee cup both steaming, and you eat in silence. Namjoon can’t say what you’re thinking about, but his head is spinning. He’s thinking about how it had felt when you’d touched his hand in the bed yesterday, giving him the signal that you were okay with this, that you didn’t want him to move away.

He’s thinking about how when he’d opened the door and found Taehyung standing on the other side, he’d felt like the person who was supposed to be with you had arrived to make it right.

He’s thinking about how when Elyse sent his mind skittering towards old, bad habits, locking his eyes on yours had kept his feet firmly in the present.

He’s thinking about your hips under his hands in that damn halloween costume, almost a month ago, and how he hasn’t come even close to kissing you since then.

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la di da di da :) what are we thinking?! how are we feeling?! pls consider some type of feedback!!!

thank you so much for readingggg, i'm so happy you're here!!!

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angryteapott · 7 months

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rewatching bits of MLC and I want to say something that shapes my understanding of the relationships of Li Lianhua Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng in the end is I don't think he had to give the flower to the emperor.

Like on many levels I think if he actually asked Minister Fang, you know, the guy with an real grasp in court politics, they could've come up with a different solution. I also honestly think him giving away the flower likely doesn't get them out of the hotseat for long- after all Fang Duobing knows the emperor's worst secret and his father showed a willingness to rebel in order to protect his son. To me giving away the flower has so much ego in it- who's to say this is actually the best solution? But it's the only solution that allows Li Lianhua to quickly and decisively "end" the situation, so it's the route he takes.

Similar things happen with finding the mother bug in the first place- instead of putting in place the oodles of backup they could have access to by talking to his friends, talking to minister fang, making allies with the beast man with beasts, Li Lianhua tries to courtesy warn the palace guard guy p much immediately gives up on the task of convincing him or TELLING HIM WHATS GOING ON ONCE THE BUG GETS GOT sorry sorry thats later and forges ahead with the most independent solution- grab it and yeet because he does what he wants- and lickety split after they find it they give it up and don't own up and try and convince the dudes of the danger. Like all that effort and they essentially hand Shan Gudao a nuke and admit to knowing the one thing that means the emperor pretty much has to kill them in the space of ten seconds because he's uh IN OVER HIS HEAD. Imagine if they had two more guys on the scene. Imagine if they used zhaoling more effectively by telling her whats up so they have better excuses to be places and back up from the dowager au where the girls in the harem use that passage all the time so they mention it and she goes oh yeah i know where that is and they have an extra day to power wash the walls They didn't even have a way to deal with the bug in the first place surely a better way would've been to contact their political allies and get the other guys out of the palace or spend more time trapping the old guard so they have more room to rumble like literally just POISON HIM FOR A BIT AND PUT UR GUY IN PLACE but no Li Lianhua loves lying investigating and being right in the thick of it so that's what they do even tho get the bug first is the worst plan ever when ur stuck in the palace no troops no way to destroy it no nothing at the time i complained that that plotline was idiotic and it is! But it's great writing because it's in character! BECAUSE LI LIANHUA IS BEING AN IDIOT! I GET YOU THINK UR ALMIGHTY BECAUSE JUST RIDE HAS ALWAYS WORKED BEFORE BUT ITS NO LONGER JUST ABOUT YOU!!!!

And same with the flower what now babe the emperor still knows the fangs know stuff they shouldn't and guess what the goodwill from saving his life doesn't mean jack shit like what now hm? Hmmmmm? The succession isn't even certain what stability things are bigger than you can chew alone

So yeah I don't think his one man plan was the only way or even a particularly good one, and I also doubt he'd let the Fangs die even if the flower had accidentally gotten eaten by hulijing or something. I think giving it away "to save someone" was making decisions on other people's behalf that he has no right to make and the only one that's squarely in his corner is "do I want to take this very painful treatment with a low chance of working?" But that's not a decision he wants to admit he has. The inevitable tragedy he's built in his own mind is just chalk lines he treats as mountains so he doesn't have to look his own desires in the eye

#mysterious lotus casebook #mysterious lotus casebook spoilers #hiii I'm back doing this instead of prepping for my job interview lol

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dangermousie · 10 months

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Farscape rewatch: Look at the Princess Part 2, 2x12

I just love this shot of Crichton:

Farscape summed up:

This ep has one of my favorite scenes: Crichton in space, out-crazing Scorpius, and rescuing himself through sheer insanity. He goes full-on unhinged, using the fact that yes, he is willing to die rather than submit, than be tortured and experimented on.

He takes this and runs with it...and it’s probably the most unhinged we’ve seen him so far tho not as unhinged as he’s going to get and just...

The whole scene is miles more unhinged than my few caps can do it justice but also, only Farscape can get away with rotating between dark despair and pure unhinged hilarity at the speed of light - I mean here is John forcing Braca’s gun towards his right hand yelling “kill my sex life!” UMMM god this show!

PS They are literally gonna have this as ep title later.

Also, yet another instance where dark humor is his lifeline and coping/defense mechanism. He never loses it, this is how he keeps semi-sane.

This is the first time he hears the chip, isn’t it? That scene is amazing, and heroic, and all sorts of heart-breaking. Because it saves him now but also this is a small appetizer of what it will be like for John to have the voice of his torturer control him, to remove volition. Crichton’s will is extreme, can-move-mountains kind of quality and the chip will strip it from him, just as it will force him to go against all his instincts and feelings and it’s going to be a horror.

Of course, what Scorpius, who has notably recognized John as another individual by now, even if that recognition is in shape of wanting to triumph over him, it’s still a step up from ‘lab rat’ view of the rest of the world, what Scorpius isn’t reckoning with, yet, that Crichton would rather die, literally, than surrender himself, so he better find some other lever, because threatening his life would never work. He eventually does, in s4, Aeryn, and I always found it telling that Grayza, overall nowhere near as brilliant as Scorpius, figures that lever out faster because Scorpius is hampered by his considering any genuine emotion as not worthy of consideration.

But yeah, this really does put Crichton through a ringer and I really love that his falling apart does not make him weak, it makes him human and makes any triumph all the more worthy.

I find myself both understanding Aeryn in this ep, and being very frustrated by her. She wants all these things from Crichton, but she won’t give an inch, or a hint, or a hope in return. The only reason this marriage bugs her is because she loves him because from every other vantage point, it’s a good good thing, and it’s not as if she is from species which believes you can’t marry without romantic love. And Crichton can fight even when broken, as he proves over and over, but he needs something to fight for and now he doesn’t have anything and she is not willing to provide it. The scene where he wants something - some hint that she will return his feelings and she can’t give it to him due to her own demons gets me. He is at a low point and he has nothing to cling to and she can’t give him that something because she herself is not sure she can survive giving any piece of her heart away.

I do love her ‘diplomacy’ with Katralla and Jenovia:

And the awesome putdown line to Casanova guy of ‘it’s not you, it’s me. I don’t like you.’ Heh.

But she didn’t even show up at the wedding. Oh Aeryn. So brave in battle, so good at running away emotionally. And D’Argo is being an awesome friend in this one - willing to back up John in whatever,no agendas (unlike Rygel and Aeryn, tho those two have them for different reasons) and his ‘good news/bad news’ cracks is one of my fave things ever but also really does leave John on a happy note going into a crazy situation:

and John bitchslapping Prince Clavor and the story with Zhaan and Moya and Pilot that makes me cry in the sheer defenseless peace and resignation of the ship and pilot and righteous rage of Zhaan.

In conclusion. Yeah, it’s Farscape all right.

#farscape

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canonmisogynyvictimstournament · 8 months

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PRELIMINARY ROUND - STAR TREK

PROPAGANDA

T'Pol

1.) dressed as a sex object. far more qualified & experienced than the (male) captain yet treated as less capable. had her agency removed when her past rape was revealed against her wishes & the episode treated it as a good thing. her taking command of the ship got humanity wiped out in an alternate timeline & she "redeemed herself" by becoming a housewife. there was a scene where the captain fell face first into her boobs. whatever they paid her actress, it should have been at least 3x more

2.) i think you can most clearly see the misogyny t'pol deals with in her costuming and makeup. she is given clear special treatment to make her look "more attractive": she wears catsuits throughout the show (despite neither institution she works for having any other similar uniforms, even for other women), sexy little silk pajamas, a cropped jumpsuit one time (even tho…it's a one piece?? and makes no sense to be cropped????), and SFX makeup that doesnt make her look as "alien" as other members of the literal alien species she's a part of. enterprise's main crime is sexualization, and while everyone (quite literally EVERY member of the cast) is hit with it at least once, t'pol pretty much never gets a break. there's a difference between sexy and overly sexualized, and ent is FAR into the over sexualized side of that spectrum. love you t'pol wish your canon was better xoxo

3.) The classic “Rick Berman Star Trek needs a woman who is strong and competent and part of the crew but gets skintight jumpsuits with low necklines instead of standard issue Starfleet uniforms to show cleavage and keep the male audience on board”.

Kes

1.) Poor Kes had it so bad. She's an Ocampan, which is a kind of alien with psychic powers and a 9-year long life-span. I was pretty interested in what they were going to do with her character when I started watching because in theory with the show having seven seasons, we could have seen her go through pretty much her whole life span over the course of the show. Unfortunately, most of her character is tied up in her terrible boyfriend Neelix, who is at a lower estimate in his mid 30s, and at an upper estimate his mid 50. He met her and started dating her while she was taken prisoner after being kidnapped. Neelix is mostly meant to be comic relief, he acts like an annoying, forcefully cheerful clown for the majority of his time on-screen (when he's not having war flashbacks) except for when he's interacting with Kes. With Kes he is possessive, controlling and manipulative. He's constantly accusing her of trying to cheat on him or leave him, throwing himself pity parties whenever she talks to another man and belittling her. And worst of all he's often framed as being in the right. She hardly gets any screen-time that isn't somehow actually about her boyfriend, the Doctor she's the assistant of or another male crew member who has a crush on her (also too old for her). When she does it's pretty much always focused on her psychic powers and not her as a person.

Some of the highlights of her time on the show include the time that Neelix's lungs were stolen, and after he spends the whole episode feeling sorry for himself and accusing her of being happy about it because he thinks she wants to leave him she donates him one of her lungs. Then there's the time some space anomaly makes her prematurely fertile so she has to decide if she ever wants kids right at that moment, and for some reason, almost the whole episode is focused on whether Neelix wants kids. She eventually breaks up with Neelix. Which is great! But she was possessed at the time. So she didn't even get to do that herself.

She was written off the show at the start of season 4 when another character was added and they needed to boot someone. She "ascends to a higher plane of existence". And then everyone on the crew proceeds to completely forget her about her straight afterwards. I'm not sure anyone was actually sad about her essentially dying. She comes back in a later episode called "Fury" which is about her trying to take revenge on the crew for her poor treatment. You'd think this would be good. But for some reason, she's mostly angry at the captain for allowing her to get on the ship in the first place, despite one of her few character traits being that she's adventurous and always wanting to learn things that no one else has. So the episode mostly focuses on trying to pick apart one of the only parts of her character that was well-defined and consistent. Her past self does tell her that she's forgotten what she truly wanted or something to talk her out of her revenge plan. I'm not really sure what they were going for. She tells the captain she was only an innocent child, so she shouldn't have been allowed to make the decision to get on the ship. She is never shown to be angry at Neelix. The man who started dating her when she was according to her future self a child. And a prisoner.

2.) She's kind of the sexy born yesterday character who's already taken. She's an alien whose race only lives nine years, so when i say that she got married at two that's a bit less alarming. She lived underground her "whole" life (about a year and a half) before she left her town, to find the surface, got kidnapped and then rescued by Neelix, a middle-aged scavenger/smuggler/chef who looks like a Cats character from a regular aging alien race. Neelix promises to show her new places and they apparently fall in love and get married and then Neelix takes her to the Voyager, and she leaves her home forever. At the age of 2. She lived in a cave her whole life, then found this gross little man, married him for some reason, and then was convinced to leave everything she had ever known, her entire family and life, to get on a star ship whose express mission was getting to the other side of the universe as fast as they were able.

Once on the ship she was able to find some independence and her own interests, and eventually left neelix, but god their entire relationship was really just loser old man and naive teenager and it was soooooooo uncomfortable

3.) I rewatched the Kes parts of Voyager. The "General Observations" section can be taken as a TL;DR (sorry for the essay). Here are a few not-so-fun facts about Kes:

General Observations:

Kes was kidnapped 4 times over the course of the show.

Kes often talks like a child especially early on in the show. She acts like a classic Disney Princess; sweet, but not quite understanding what's going on around her.

A lot of Kes's character revolves around the fact that she is very young, and a lot of the more uncomfortable aspects of her treatment revolve around this too. It's not like it's an impossible concept to pull off, in the same show the EMH is actually younger than Kes, and has several romantic relationships that don't feel super creepy in the same way most of Kes's do. This is because the writers don't make him act like a child and they actually give him agency in his relationships.

Kes's people, the Ocampa, live underground on a desert planet. Kes travelled to the surface when she was less than 1 year old, where she was captured by the people living there and tortured for information using "every method of persuasion" that they know. This is where she met and started dating Neelix. He explicitly says he thinks she is dating him because she owes him for getting her out of that situation, and yet it seems like the writers think this is a cute and heartwarming relationship.

Nearly all of her screen time is devoted to emotionally counseling the men around her, helping their character development, comforting and caring for them. She is hardly ever shown to have negative emotions ("Fury" aside), and then it's generally only when a man she cares about is in trouble. This includes when she is kidnapped. Even then she has to be calm, understanding and empathetic.

Kes's established character traits: curious, smart, psychic, caring, kind, young, innocent, naive. Pretty much all of these get tossed out the window in "Fury". She kills people she's known most of her life and tries to sell everyone out to organ harvesters because she gets "confused". She decides not to do this in the end because her younger self tells her she's acting out of character. This episode is one of the worst instances of character assassination I have ever seen.

In about 10 of her 70 total episodes on the show Kes makes a significant contribution to the plot that is not focused on a man. Most of those were more her acting as a psychic plot device rather than anything about her as an actual character. There was only one episode "Before and After", which I would count as truly being devoted to Kes as a character.

Practically every man Kes comes across is attracted to her. Often her attractiveness is mentioned in the same breath as the fact that she is literally a 1-3 year old.

Kes's love interests: Neelix, the EMH, Tom Paris, Tuvix, Ameron (while possessed), Nori (while possessed), Zahir. Aside from Zahir, she has pretty much no agency in any of these relationships.

Neelix calls Kes "sweetie", and talks to her like she's a child. When he's not shouting at her, anyway. Kes unconditionally loves and adores him for some reason.

Observations while watching:

When Neelix's lungs are stolen Kes refuses to leave his side and one of the first things she does is offer to donate one of her own, refuses to let the EMH perform any medical procedures until she's sure it's safe. Meanwhile, Neelix goes on a jealous rant at her because she called another man by his first name.

When Kes donates a lung Neelix refuses at first because the operation would be too dangerous, but Kes says "you've done so much for me, let me give you something once", implying that Kes owes him a lung for him helping free her from the people torturing her.

The episode "Elogium" was apparently meant to be a metaphor for teen pregnancy. With Kes as the teen and Neelix (whose actor says that he sees him as being in his 50s) as the father.

Ocampan puberty apparently happens between the ages of 4 and 5. Kes starts the series at less than 1 year old, and leaves at 3. She is apparently at an age where it would be dangerous to conceive a child in "Elogium". She is not sure she is finished growing. She has been dating Neelix for about a year (possibly more) at this point.

When the EMH hallucinates Kes as his wife, she makes him promise not to tell Neelix, because he tends to get "a little jealous"

In "Elogium", Neelix interrogates Kes over the fact that Tom Paris says "see you later" to her because he "Sees the way he looks at (her). (He) used to look at women that way (he) knows what it means." Neelix is later implied to be in the right here, Kes is being naive thinking Tom Paris could be her friend, apparently.

In "Twisted" Kes turns two years old. Tom Paris gives her a locket for her birthday. Neelix gets pissed off because he thinks he's trying to charm her. Neelix is, again framed as being in the right here.

Kes has a very good memory and is able to remember where everyone's rooms are. When she demonstrates this, Neelix implies she knows this because she's slept with every man on the ship. At the end of this episode, Kes decides to put his photo in her locket to always keep him close.

When Kes is upset that Neelix attacked Tom Paris over her, the EMH tells her she should consider herself lucky to have two men fighting over her.

Tom Paris admits to Neelix that he finds Kes attractive, but says that he won't try anything with her because he respects Neelix. He asks if Neelix would allow him to be her friend. Because who cares what Kes wants right? I guess if Neelix had said no he would have just stopped talking to her?

Tom says Kes is very devoted to Neelix, and Neelix admits he thinks she's only with him because he saved her life and she's grateful he freed her from captivity and she owes him. He is dating her despite this. This is never addressed.

Tanis, another Ocampan, calls her innocent and naive, so she seems quite young even by the standards of her own species.

Tuvix, having inherited Neelix's manipulative tendencies tries to manipulate Kes into begging the captain for his life.

Kes gets kidnapped by caveman aliens. When someone comes to rescue her, the cavemen try to trade another woman to them so they can keep Kes.

Kes goes into a coma and acts as the damsel in distress again in "Sacred Ground"

"This is typical of you Neelix… it bothers you that I'm making friends of my own, you always have to involve yourself somehow." "You can spend time with anyone you want" "As long as I spend most of it with you… I never realised a relationship could be any different. I've never been with anyone but you." Kes when she breaks up with Neelix. Except this isn't Kes because she's actually possessed at the time. She doesn't even get agency in her own breakup.

Kes is dressed in skintight leather trousers and high heels and tries to seduce everyone while possessed by a male warlord. He describes Kes as a "little girl".

In "Darkling" Kes starts wearing form fitting jumpsuits somewhat similar to the ones Seven of Nine wears (though not quite as tight). This is possibly because she's supposed to look more mature, and she starts having "young adult" storylines instead of teenager storylines.

"Everyone seems to be treating me like a child, I'm three years old now"

The EMH kidnaps Kes in "Darkling" when he turns temporarily evil. His treatment of her in this episode includes shoving her into a wall and putting his hand around her neck, repeatedly grabbing and shoving her, holding her at gunpoint and throwing her off a cliff.

The evil EMH kidnaps Kes because she wants to leave the ship to travel with her new boyfriend. This is framed as the good inside of him because he is trying to "protect" her. Kes decides to stay on the ship because of this. She never expresses any negative emotions about this incident.

In "Before and After" Kes goes through her entire life in reverse. In the future she sees, she has married Tom Paris and had a daughter with him, and her daughter has a child with Harry Kim, who was the best man at Kes and Tom's wedding. This is by far the best Kes episode, but she never really gets to react to anything that happens in it. Soon after this she ascends to a higher plane of existence in "The Gift".

In "Before and After" Kes sees threats in advance and warns the crew about them, preventing the Captain's death in the future. This isn't really acknowledged.

Half of "The Gift" is focused on Seven of Nine and the Borg. Not even Kes's send-off episode is really focused on her.

In "The Gift", Neelix and Kes have one final scene together. Neelix gets quite self-pitying again and says she broke up with him because he was holding her back. Kes says that wasn't it but doesn't say why it happened. This is the only time they directly talk about their breakup outside of when Kes was possessed.

When Kes decides to ascend, the captain begs her to reconsider. Kes insists she has not lost her judgement or come under an alien influence. Captain Janeway tells her she's family and tearfully embraces her. Tuvok puts out a candle in mourning (everyone forgets about her after this episode ends though).

In "Fury" Kes is back in physical form somehow, despite ascending into some higher plane of existence in the last episode she appeared. She is also much older in appearance.

In "Fury" Kes gets onto the ship, starts exploding everything she can with her psychic powers, kills everyone she comes across and goes back in time to the start of the show to kidnap herself.

Kes and Neelix have a scene in "Fury". It makes Neelix much nicer than he ever was in the early parts of the show (especially to Kes). He actually notices something is wrong and asks her how she is and prepares her favourite meal for her because she had a bad day. I'm not sure he ever even asked her how she was before. I guess at this point they must have wanted to pretend the relationship was a lot less creepy and unhealthy than it actually was. Especially since Kes is the villain of the episode.

Older Kes's plan in "Fury" is to travel back in time, sell out the people she spent the majority of her life with to organ harvesters so she can send her and her younger self back to her home world because the crew "abandoned her a long time ago". I think this manages to dismantle practically every established character trait she has.

Older Kes's explanation of her actions in "Fury": "You (Captain Janeway) took her (young Kes) from Ocampa. Her home. She's a prisoner on this ship. I was a child, you corrupted me. Your ideas. Exploration, discovery. I believed you. In three years I'm going to leave Voyager in search of higher things because you encouraged me to do it. You encouraged me to develop my mental abilities. What I found, I couldn't control it, it scared me… I trusted you!" Neelix was the one who took her from Ocampa. As noted before, Captain Janeway begged her not to ascend.

Old Kes is killed by the captain. They know something terrible happened to Kes when she ascended, but apparently all that they did was get Kes to record a video of herself saying that she shouldn't take revenge because it's not who she is. This worked for some reason, she says she killed everyone because she was confused.

Kes decides to go back to Ocampa. Due to the Ocampan lifespan, everyone she knew before she left is probably dead. To add insult to injury, Neelix is the last person she sees before she leaves for good.

#polls #preliminary round

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coleszzzworld · 9 months

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My yandere college! Yandere jock head canons!

A/n-(yoooo , these are just some random head canons for my yandere jock series ! I just wanted to push something out , and it’s been forever since I wrote for kai lol lowkey this is some character backstory for Kai , happy reading enjoy!❤️)

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️- suggestive content , daddy issues, mentions of murder? (Kind of) just some crazy stuff lol and yandere behavior. Do not read if easily triggered!

•I already said this in the first chapter butttttt kai is definitely a golden retriever boyfriend, he’s just so damn stupid, and he has a bright personality. But when someone fucks with you in anyway … let’s just say he gets scary 😭 , and I don’t mean that in a cringe way , that man will kill for you . And make sure you’ll never find out 🧍🏽‍♀️he could go to 0 to 100 real quick !!!

•Kai loves being around you , no matter what . Oh your going back to your dorm ? Or home (that’s if u don’t live on campus) it doesn’t matter he’ll be behind you , and he’ll lowkey invite himself to stay the night at your place , like this man literally lives at your dorm/house , like I’m not joking his toothbrush, clothes, blankets etc . Is at your place even if you have a roommate or you live with your family , surprisingly your roommate/family love him! And says he’s welcome anytime! , yeah you definitely need space from him. “Y/n!! Let’s watch a movie!”

•I don’t want to be that person but I will be , he definitely has home problems , that boy ain’t got a daddy (just like me fr 🤠) when he was two years old , his dad left . And his mom always works . She’s barely home , and when she is , they don’t really talk , and when they do they always fight about the dumbest things , so basically he ain’t got no dad , and his mom is a workaholic, and he’s a insane psychopath! w for his parents fr !!!🥳 that’s part of the reason he stays with you , he’s alone most of the time , that and he likes to have you close.

•also I will be that person again🙃, when your sleep , and he’s laying on the floor next to your bed (he refused to stay in the guest room , he says your room is more comfortable.) he definitely the type to get hard from just being near you , and he has to release his aching pain some how ….👀 now he’s respectful he’ll make sure he’s quiet (even tho he doesn’t want to be.🤠) and he’s makes sure to clean up after , don’t hate but he’s definitely a whimper 😩 like he bites his lip when he’s coming to his high , his hand going up and down on his length. 😵‍💫 he just thinks about how you would feel on his length and how he would just claim you as his , all he can think about is how tight you would be … “f-fuck , y-y/n I’ll be g-good , just be mines , p-please”

•now let me tell you this , he’s definitely not a virgin, his body count is two , everyone on campus thinks he’s a play boy but naw 😭he has a low body count and he’s loyal to one person and that person is only you. That and all of his team mates and friends are play boys so that’s were the expectations come from fr lol .

•now , he does have siblings(he has 3 other siblings), but he has never met them (well kinda of) ,the first thing he knows about his dad was when he was starting college and football he was meeting everyone and he met a cheerleader , she kinda of looked like his dad , I mean the pictures of his dad he had she looked like him , and she had the same last name as his dad (Kai has his moms last name) curiously he wanted too know more , so he went digging and fount her instagram, he saw photos of her family and sure enough he saw his dad … he definitely stayed away from her when he fount out his dad , left and had a new family, a family with another woman , and new children, a child that HE goes to school with , someone HE shares the flied with basically, he lost it , bro was definitely feeling all types of Emotions , actually as matter fact , when he first fell for you , yk at the football game , the reason why his head was out of the game and the team was losing , was because his dad was their , not for him , hell his dad probably didn’t even recognize that Kai was playing, his dad was their for his daughter. The cheerleader. Kai was feeling anger, sadness, he wanted to go up on those bleachers and beat the hell out of his dad…all that was running through Kai Head was “how dare he leave me , and have a new family. How fucking dare he come here . And act like I don’t exist. How dare he.” But when break time happened and he bumped into you near the concessions stand that’s when he met you .Suddenly he felt wanted, he knew he had to have you.

•now let’s talk about Kai’s mom , like I said she’s a workaholic, she wasn’t married to Kai’s dad when he split , and she works as a nurse, she picks up shifts and works all day / night ,she really didn’t talk about Kai’s dad , while he was growing up , and refused to talk about him , when Kai wanted to get in contact with his dad . She’s a nice lady tho , when she was at home , Kai dragged you to his house to meet her , and surprisingly you and her bonded , then she left for work . Kai looked disappointed but he’s used to it 🙃

•Kai just needs love and attention, bro is , Touch starved too😭 he just needs some love fr , so no matter where y’all are , he will always be holding you hand or holding your waist , or just lean against you , bro just down bad fr 😭

•he’s your best friend, as you put it , but I’m telling you now , that man is trying to be more then friends, like he’s literally insane over you . And even if you don’t like him like that , that’s okay , you’ll never get rid of him!

•this man drives , so your a passenger princess , so when you guys go out , he likes to blast music and put his hand on your thigh , and he says it’s not werid, but you’re like “🤔” he definitely has no chill , like I said he loves holding you . So his hands go to your thighs when he drives you , too school or anywhere else

•I have a feeling that this man listens to indie and rap , I’m talking like gorillaz and Marc demarco , jid , sometimes Kodak and nardo wick when he’s feeling devious 🤭 he also listens to glass animals, anddddd tame impla and Tyler the creator😤

•let’s do say , someone fucks with you , In anyway I mean he fought Cameron Harris for you , he definitely was trying to kill him , and he would if his friends didn’t pull him off Cameron , but let’s say someone disrespect your name or spreads Nasty rumors about you , that man is ready to split whoever skull open for you , like I said he’s bat shit crazy, he literally thinks of you as a god . He thinks your his savior damn near 😵‍💫 like he can’t have no one talking down on your name 🗣️

•overall If I had to rate him on how dangerous he is I would say 8.9/10 like he’s insane and basically he has nothing to lose , he’ll go to war for you any day , if you say to , he will , he just real like that🤭💅🏽.

“Nobody will talk to you like that y/n . I’ll forever love and protect you . You’ll see I’m the one for you! And If not …I’ll make you love me .”

#yandere #yandere jock #yandere blog #yandere x reader #yandere shitpost #yandere headcanons

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meowzfordayz · 2 years

Text

hashira comfort you

Author’s Note: now to name this thing… 😆

hashira comfort you

Hashira x Reader

Word Count: ~1,300

CW: mild sexual content, platonic, traumatic references

Emergency Request Fulfilled: Hopefully it's alright if I request a Hashira (not separately) x reader who's just been feeling like giving up and all her efforts are worthless no matter how hard she tries. Just sumthin where the Hashira notice something is off with the Hashira!reader and make attempts to comfort her. If it's alright to ask I feel like maybe making the Hashira reader use a fork of positive emotion breathing or a breathing type of us generally positive to further suggest how something is bothering the reader- of course it's all up to you I'm totally okay if the reader is just someone being taken care of at the butterfly mansion or a relative of the leader of demon slayer (I'm so horrible with requests I apologize)

~faqs~

Decided to write this as hcs bc my brain doesn’t have the power atm to try and write a fanfic w/ 10 (9 Hashira + 1 Reader) characters 😆

Actually, Idk if my brain would ever have the power for that

I mean, sure I can manage a decent amount of supporting characters, but juggling 10 characters of equal importance ?? 😵

Anywho-

I feel like the Hashira are super in tune w/ each other, as well as totally oblivious They’re super in tune w/ each other in that they’re all phenomenal warriors, and thus have the necessary perception to quickly notice when something’s “off”

But they don’t really all know each other super well? And they don’t have time to just hang out regularly (unless they’re simultaneously slaying demons hah)

They also technically don’t all get along lmao

So if you’re feeling out of sorts, then they’d certainly pick up on your feelings, but most of them wouldn’t immediately know precisely what to do or say aka how to help you

I’m looking at you, Giyuu 😃

Okay real talk tho Giyuu’s been through a lot (they all have *sigh*)— Ik his depicted personality and trauma runs deeper than superficial emotional constipation 🥺

Assuming they all at least tolerate you, their approaches to cheering you up would differ vastly

Gyomei would do his best to convince you to meditate w/ him

“You underestimate yourself. Perhaps, reflecting on why you feel inferior may reassure you that you are, in fact, not?”

He’s wise, but is he helpful? 😬

“Himejima-san, I am grateful for your consideration, but I am unsure pondering my anxiety will relieve me of my anxiety.”

“Nonetheless, you are always welcome to sit beside me.”

Bc he’s still patient and generous ☺️

Pardon the imagery, but my first and only thought about Obanai attempting to comfort you is: he throws Kaburamura at you 😅

Hear me out!

His heart’s in the right place!

What goes around comes around, and if he was feeling low, then he’d prob appreciate having Kaburamura cuddling him

But like, the concept of asking for snake-being-thrown-at-you consent did not occur to him prior

If you’re cool w/ snakes, then Ig he’s lowkey helpful?

But if you’re not so cool w/ snakes… well… at least he’ll send you a letter via crow apologizing for his blunder (100% too embarrassed to apologize to your face)

My bias may be showing, but Mitsuri would likely be the most consciously comforting

The term comfort isn’t foreign to her, and she’s more than happy to pamper you

Whether pampering means simply listening to you, walking w/ you, cooking for + eating w/ you

She knows confidence, belonging, and meaning aren’t nurtured—founded—overnight, so she figures she can at least lessen your tangible burdens to free up space for you to heal mentally

Maybe she lays on her complimentary remarks a little too thickly to be convincing, but you know she means well 💖

Shinobu… 💀

I kNOW SHE CAN BE LOVING AND GENTLE AND AFFECTIONATE

But she kicks ass too

And if she thinks you need an ass kicking to feel like yourself again, then she’ll absolutely kick your ass

Metaphorically and literally

Like a coach who pushes you juuust far enough so that you know they believe in you, buuut they’re still demanding 50 push ups from you (bc they believe in you)

“I fear I am not enough, Kocho-san.”

“Nonsense. Let us spar.”

????? “Spar?”

“So I can prove to you that you are enough!”

As provoking and playful as Shinobu can be, she wouldn’t go easy on you, and when you inevitably are able to match her pace

Well

You’re not content (you’re pissed at being goaded into impromptu training), but you do begrudgingly concede her point

#I knew you could do 50 push ups #now do another 50

Debating between going the classic Kyojuro route, or the other route

He genuinely wishes to see you smile — to know you are well

BUT C’MON THIS MAN IS KINDA CUTE AWKWARD 😶🥰

Classic Kyojuro conjures the perfect sentence to make you feel worthy

And knows your favorite flower(s), which he obvi brings to you

Classic Kyojuro might even unexpectedly tug you into a warm, rib crushing hug, bc he can tell that grounding you could be helpful

As for awkward Kyojuro…

If you think about it afterwards, his perfect sentence doesn’t make that much sense (i.e. inspirational quotes that are more dumb than inspiring if you bother rereading ‘em), but it sounded pretty and honest and bright, so heyo — better than nothing!

And he doesn’t bring you flowers, but he does offer you the remnants of his lunch (when I write the remnants I mean potentially ¼ of a bite), bc he knows eating can be difficult when feeling sad

He’ll still hug you, but instead of warm it’s HOT

Sweaty, too tight HOT

Not boner pressed against your thigh HOT

And he’ll keep hugging you until your heart rate settles bc #that’s what a good friend does, but wHoOpS how’s it going to settle when he’s literally suffocating you ?????

I was excited to get to Sanemi, bc I’m so fricking soft for this man

And then I realized he’s the top contender for the worst (at comforting) of the Hashira

You’re despairing? How about I never look at you again and create the biggest possible rift between us in case my existence harms you further?

#the Shinazugawa bros

Disclaimer: all my “slander” toward these beloved characters is meant entirely light heartedly

That being said, I recognize the heaviness of the themes and backstories present throughout Demon Slayer, but just uhh, take my “quips” as you might take the donut jokes 🍩

I’m now looking at you, Kyojuro 😃

If Obanai throws Kaburamura at you, then Sanemi asks, scowling, “How are you?”

And then disappears w/o waiting for your response

Bc apparently a halfway greeting is better than none?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and a halfway greeting from Sanemi a day… keeps the blues at bay?

Muichiro wouldn’t be the greatest at comforting you either, but not for lack of effort

For some reason, all I can brainstorm rn is that he’d hand you shiny rocks?

Which, I feel, is more Inosuke-esque

But Muichiro’s a child! So like, childish methods of comforting?

A kid hands you a shiny rock — wouldn’t that make you perk up? At least a tad?

Random tangent, but I was on the beach once collecting sea glass, and these kids started copying me, and then gave me all the sea glass they found

#that was a very heartwarming day

“Tokito-san, what is this?”

“A rock.”

“Yes.”

“For you. It may be valuable. Treat yourself to lunch.”

Do you sell it and buy yourself lunch, or do you keep and cherish the rock? 😭

AHAHA WE’RE AT GIYUU

This is def out of character, but I hc that he’d just randomly grab your hand

And hold it

For 1, maybe 2, breaths?

And then let go, nod, and leave

He’s… aloof, but he does understand that: comfort doesn’t mean what is easy for you—the person doing the comforting—it means doing what could be comforting for the person requiring comfort

Is having your hand held for 1-2 secs comforting?

Debatable

But is his sentiment sweet?

Very 💙

Sooo Idk whether to include Hina, Makio, and Suma w/ Tengen… let’s hc both ?!

Hina, Makio, and Suma + Tengen = a lot of EVERYTHING

Pestering as to why you’re doubting yourself, verbal reassurance that you’re amazing, physical company to alleviate loneliness, and if you request anything specific, you will receive that specific thing x 4 😌

Just Tengen?

I imagine he’d feel affronted that I “just Tengen”-ed him

All of the above x 1

He’d likely backhandedly comfort you, bc how could he ever comfort you w/o hyping himself up too?

God of Flashiness and Festivals? Turns out he’s God of Comforting too

Self proclaimed, ofc

#hashira x reader #headcanons #platonic #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #gyomei x reader #obanai x reader #mitsuri x reader #shinobu x reader #kyojuro x reader #sanemi x reader #muichiro x reader #giyuu x reader #tengen x reader

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prodigal-explorer · 5 months

Text

so as someone who is only on chapter one of omori and is obsessed with it here are my thoughts as a new member of the fandom

bear in mind that i haven’t finished the game. i only just got to that one creepy forest place? like the one after the spiders? please don’t spoil!!

but spoilers for everything before that below

1) I HATE BASIL. he’s such a stupid little punk. “uwu im so smol and helpless and i always get bullied and i’m so sweet and innocent” I JUST KNOW THAT FUCKER IS HIDING SOMETHING. everytime i end back in that stupid white room it’s because HES DOING SOME SUSSY SHIT. i also just hate him and everything about him and i know for a damn fact that he’s hiding something horrible behind that sweet little smile and he thinks he’s tricking me but he’s NOT I KNOW HIS GAME.

anyway.

2) i literally cannot decide on a favorite character. i have a least favorite, that’s pretty obvious, but when it comes to a favorite im torn. i LOVE omori, aubrey, kel, and hero all the same! i love mari too but i’m a little salty against her because all her hints for the quests are severely unhelpful 😭 but i still love her tho. i just love the main four so so much and i physically cant choose who i like better. poor little aubrey seems so scared and alone when she has the pink hair and she’s so kind in the little space world thing. hero is a sweetheart and i can’t wait to meet him in the colorful world where i’m moving or whatever. and kel is literally so me 😂 it’s not even funny he just does whatever the fuck he wants and that deserves some respect on his name. and omori is a kickass main character who has a cool thing going for him. but these four characters are sooo well crafted and i love how they work together! it’s a great dynamic balance!

3) i’m either a really bad gamer or the game is super long. i finished the prologue in like seven hours. it took SO LONG. i’m not used to indie games taking that long to play considering that i got through all of undertale in like 10-12 hours my first time. it’s awesome! i love finding all the secrets and talking to all the npcs but DAMNNN.

4) this game has so. much. detail. it’s insane. like the sheer amount of mini games and tiny pockets of lore. it’s like higher than undertale level and i don’t mean to keep going back to undertale but i see a lot of similarities in the game style. i also totally got sucked into playing like 30 rounds of blackjack on omoris computer. it was cool af.

5) the fighting mechanics are super hard. maybe i just suck at strategy but i am so bad at the fights that i just run away whenever i have the opportunity 😭 it’s a problem. i also have no clue how the happy sad angry shit works, i just make omori sad so stab has an attack boost and make aubrey angry so headbutt has an attack boost but other than that i don’t really use it at all and i don’t understand it. maybe that’s why it took me literally 10 tries to get past space ex boyfriend? it’s really fun i just think it’s supposed to be easier than it is and i just missed a memo on strategy.

6) i really love the message so far. the way that mental health is portrayed as something that’s a never ending journey. omori doesn’t just breathe and then everything’s okay, the game highlights realistic coping strategies and makes things like depression, anxiety, and phobias to understandable for any audience through a very creative medium: an indie video game. it’s genius. and i just love how it’s been approached so far, it’s very inspiring!

7) i’m terrified that this fandom is gonna make me mad, i swear to god if i just walk in and see a bunch of basil stan’s i’m turning and walking back out 💀 i mean okay maybe i’ll like basil better later but chances for that seem very low right now. my sister told me that apparently he went through some trauma thing? womp womp don’t care he’s an annoying mf who keeps taking me back to that boring white room where i stab myself, he’s a party pooper and i want a tornado to blow his dumb little flower house down.

#omori #omori game #omori sunny #omori basil #omori mari #omori hero #omori kel #omori aubrey #omori first time #omori character #omori fandom #omori basil hate

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avpdpossum · 5 months

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Hi. After following a hyperfixation rabbit hole (thank you, ADHD and Autism) I have been wondering if I have AvPD. I've been obsessively researching it for a while now, and it would make a lot of sense for the struggles i've been facing that just aren't really explained by my other diagnoses but also aren't really *normal* per se, but I'm scared I'm wrong or just looking for something else to be "wrong" (i put wrong in quotes bc i dont think any disability/mental illness is actually something wrong, but that's how a lot of the people around me perceive it) with me so I feel like my suffering is more valid. My thoughts and hang ups are this:

I feel like my avoidance isn't severe enough to qualify (also me: hasn't made a follow-up appointment with either my neurologist or psychiatrist bc the idea of making the phone call "wrong" is crushing; changes the time I eat lunch so I don't have to either ask to sit with the people I know would let me sit with them bc they consider me or a friend or have them see me sitting alone even tho I literally like them and want them to be my friends; still haven't applied for my college housing accoms that I literally need bc I'm too scared i'll get turned down; feels crushing embarrassment even existing in the same space as my roommate; has a grand total of 1 friend)

It could just be my social anxiety/autism/agoraphobia. I feel like none of these really explain how deeply I feel rejection (my best friend was too busy to eat dinner with me like we usually do bc finals season and I nearly threw up bc of how much it hurt, and I ended up in tears for almost an hour) or just how crushingly embarrassing I find being perceived by others/existing to be (I literally can't make phone calls unless I'm locked in my dorm without my roommate there because I feel like people will judge me for doing a normal human activity like answering my mom's phone call; can't brush my teeth in the morning bc what if people see and only do it at night when most of the dorm hall is asleep), the constant reassurance I need from people (I'm constantly asking my best friend (only friend really) if I'm annoying them/too much work/going to get left by them/actually welcome to hang out with them).

I also wonder if my self-esteem is too high since I know low self-esteem is a key part of AvPD? I don't feel like I'm inferior academically/intelligence wise, hell I'm kind of arrogant in that respect, but also feel like I'm not good enough/interesting enough/pretty enough/funny enough for someone to want to be around me and have struggled with suicidal ideation because of it. I sometimes (by that I mean almost weekly) have meltdowns where I end up just wallowing in my own self-hatred for hours and ignoring people's texts/my homework bc I feel like i'm not good enough to have friends/long term partners.

I'm also not particularly quiet when I *am* in social situations. I tend to blurt out whatever's on my mind, even though I immediately regret it 99.9999% of the time, and my ADHD impulsivity results in me interrupting people a lot even tho it makes me feel like a horrible person. I always feel like I've overshared to everyone (tho my best friend, the only person I can be around all the time and not have a meltdown, says I actually under-share and should open up more to people).

I don't have any childhood trauma that could have caused it, at least I don't think? Like. My parents are amazing, they've always been there for me emotionally and physically. I was kind of bullied in pre-school through elementary school (people would take stuff from my bag and throw it and make me "fetch like a dog," I was really short so they'd hold stuff out of my reach) and never really had friends in middle school, just these three girls who let me hang out with them when I was around but would ignore my texts a lot, not invite me places they were going, etc, and after I moved away just before high school i didn't really bother to try making friends bc even tho i was lonely it just didn't seem like it was worth it bc they wouldn't like me anyway and I was just gonna go to college soon and they'd leave me then but none of that's really traumatizing?

I don't know. I feel like it really fits but also like if it were actually a big enough problem to qualify as a personality disorder my therapist would have caught it by now? And I'm scared to bring it up bc if she thinks i'm wrong i'll probably never want to talk to her again bc i'd be so embarrassed. Sorry, this was really long. If you actually read all of this, I guess I just want to ask if you think it's even possible I could have it.

i'll give you the short answer first: yes, it's absolutely possible that you could have it. i can't tell you if you do or not, but i can tell you that all of the doubts you mentioned are things i've personally struggled with while figuring my avpd out.

i'll put a much more in-depth answer addressing each of your concerns under the cut:

I'm scared I'm wrong

here's the thing: being wrong doesn't hurt anyone. people will act like researching your own potential diagnoses and coming to the wrong conclusion is the end of the world, but the reality is, there's very little actual harm that could come from a self-misdiagnosis.

with a clinical diagnosis, if the doctor is wrong, that could end with consequences like taking the wrong medication or doing therapies that do more harm than good to you. but just doing your own research and coming to your own conclusion? the worst that happens is you use the wrong word for a while and then eventually realize it doesn't fit as well as you thought it did, or you ask a doctor about it and they decide it's not a good fit and (if they're a good doctor) help guide you toward a more accurate explanation of what you're experiencing. either way, there's no harm done!

or just looking for something else to be "wrong" with me so I feel like my suffering is more valid

here's the thing: whether avpd is the answer or not, you're suffering. and if you're suffering and you want to better understand why that's happening, you're allowed to do that! your suffering is valid whether there's a name attached to it or not, but that doesn't mean it's wrong to want a name for it. it's only natural to want to understand why you feel the way you do and find people like you.

and if you're worried about a "psychology student syndrome" kind of thing – that you might just be projecting symptoms onto yourself that you don't really experience – the best thing you can do for that is to take some time to really look at yourself and your life and see if you see those things taking place. don't worry about if they're "as bad" as other people's; if you see examples of those things in your life and you're suffering because of them, that's all it takes to know you're genuinely experiencing it.

I feel like my avoidance isn't severe enough to qualify

it seems like you already know this on some level, but yeah, all of the things you listed after this sentence absolutely sound like some pretty significant avoidance to me. again, i can't tell you if it's avpd or not, but those do sound like the kinds of things i would count toward my own self-diagnosis if it were me.

there's no hard line of how severe your avoidance has to be, or any real way to objectively measure severity in the first place. if those things are getting in the way of you living your life and/or causing you to suffer emotionally, that means they're bad enough to be taken into consideration.

the secret is, almost no one feels like what they're experiencing is bad enough. i've had times in my life where my avoidance literally almost killed me, and i still wonder if it's "bad enough". don't let that imposter syndrome feeling stop you from better understanding your brain and getting the support you need.

It could just be my social anxiety/autism/agoraphobia. I feel like none of these really explain how deeply I feel rejection or just how crushingly embarrassing I find being perceived by others/existing to be, the constant reassurance I need from people.

this feeling was actually exactly what started me on the path that led to me realizing i had avpd. i knew that i was autistic and socially anxious, and i thought for a long time that those explained what i was experiencing, but the more i interacted with people around me who were also socially anxious autistics, the more i realized i was dealing with something none of them seemed to understand.

and all of the things you described – intense emotional dysregulation caused by rejection and embarrassment and needing constant reassurance to function in social situations – are classic avpd things. so i would say, if your gut tells you those things aren't being explained well enough by the words you already have to describe yourself, avpd is definitely worth considering.

I don't feel like I'm inferior academically/intelligence wise, hell I'm kind of arrogant in that respect, but also feel like I'm not good enough/interesting enough/pretty enough/funny enough for someone to want to be around me and have struggled with suicidal ideation because of it. I sometimes (by that I mean almost weekly) have meltdowns where I end up just wallowing in my own self-hatred for hours and ignoring people's texts/my homework bc I feel like i'm not good enough to have friends/long term partners.

hey, you're talking to the guy who's not just avoidant but also a narcissist. avpd can absolutely coexist with being highly confident (or even overconfident) in certain parts of yourself.

it also sounds like that confidence is an exception to the rule. feeling like you're "not X enough" for other people to the point of having self-isolation spirals or suicidal ideation because of it are really common forms of low self-esteem in avpd. if you ever here an avoidant refer to having an "avpd spiral" or "shame spiral", the experience they're talking about is a lot like what you described.

the stereotype of avpd is a super shy and quiet person, and some of us definitely are like that (myself included), but not all avoidants are. there are some who mask their avoidance by coming off as incredibly social and talking to people a lot, and others who (like you described) talk a lot even if they don't want to because of other aspects of their neurotype.

i think those feelings of regret and shame that you feel in response to what you're saying are really the important thing here. those internal experiences are much more fundamental to what avpd is than how they present externally, so the fact that you're experiencing them means i definitely wouldn't count avpd out just because you're not as quiet as some of us are.

I don't have any childhood trauma that could have caused it, at least I don't think? Like. My parents are amazing, they've always been there for me emotionally and physically. I was kind of bullied in pre-school through elementary school and never really had friends in middle school, just these three girls who let me hang out with them when I was around but would ignore my texts a lot, not invite me places they were going, etc

first of all, a history of trauma isn't actually required to have avpd. it's often assumed that personality disorders are also trauma disorders because they are often associated with trauma, but there's nothing suggesting that's always the case.

there's also research that has shown some people are born predisposed to avpd. it tends to cluster in families along with social anxiety, suggesting there's some sort of heritable aspect, and some research suggests avpd might start in childhood with a person having a nervous system that's naturally hypersensitive to certain triggers.

it's also important to remember that the kinds of trauma that can lead to something like avpd aren't always things we would look at as obvious trauma. for example, one paper i found said that a possible form of trauma that could lead to avpd is having an overprotective parent – the parent projects their fears onto the child and, despite just trying to keep them safe out of genuine love and care, ends up teaching their child that the world is dangerous. we might not look at that kind of parenting and automatically see it as traumatizing, and it's hard to fault that parent for trying to keep their child safe, bu the result for the child is the same. especially if we are born with more sensitive nervous systems than the average person, things that seem totally mundane could have a significant impact on how our brains develop.

all of that to say, it is possible that the experiences you described –being bullied in school and excluded by your friends – had enough of an impact to cause the struggles you're experiencing now, even if they don't feel like trauma. it's also possible that they're unrelated, because avpd (if that is what you're experiencing) can develop even in the absence of trauma.

I feel like it really fits but also like if it were actually a big enough problem to qualify as a personality disorder my therapist would have caught it by now?

you'd be surprised what therapists don't catch, especially if there's a much more common and less "scary" label (like social anxiety) that can, on the surface, explain away what you're experiencing. i've been seeing my therapist for 8 or 9 years now and she's very aware of my avoidant tendencies, including how much they get in the way of my life, but she still never brought up avpd with me. whether it’s because they just don’t hear about avpd enough to think of it, because they avoid diagnosing personality in general, because they don’t know “do with” avpd and would rather assume it’s something they do know how to handle, or because they think avpd is just another word for severe social anxiety, a lot of therapists will see all the signs of avpd in a patient but never actually bring up avpd as a possibility.

at the end of the day, you know better than anyone how much of a problem these struggles are for you. if you think this really could be the explanation, don't worry about what she did or didn't catch. therapists aren't infallible; they're human, and they can miss things.

I'm scared to bring it up bc if she thinks i'm wrong i'll probably never want to talk to her again bc i'd be so embarrassed

i 100% get that fear. i actually had that happen to me with my therapist – i brought up a few theories of mine to her, she shot them all down, and i ended up stopping our sessions and eventually going to a different therapist for a while because i felt like i couldn't trust her anymore. ultimately, i went back to her (mostly because the second therapist was an incredibly condescending asshole and my parents didn’t know of any other options), but i honestly still haven't brought avpd up to her to this day because of that.

so i can't blame you at all, and it's okay if you feel like you need to work up to bringing this up with her. try doing some more research and getting more confident in your theory so you feel like you can explain it well to her, and maybe even put together a collection of the evidence you have for it – examples of how you feel like you exhibit the symptoms, things like that – so you have something to hand to her instead of having to explain it on the spot. once you've looked into it more on your own, you can reevaluate how confident you feel in the theory and decide if it's time to talk to her.

in the meantime, you could try testing the waters to see how she might respond to you bringing up a theory. there are some therapists who are super against patients doing their own research and having their own ideas about what's going on, so it’s good to know if your therapist is one of those people ahead of time instead of finding out the hard way.

i would also recommend telling her that exact fear if/when you do bring this up to her. that sentiment of "one somewhat negative interaction is all it takes for my embarrassment to be so bad that i can never talk to you again" is a really common thing with avpd, and is one of the reasons a lot of avoidants struggle with therapy. so being honest about that fear can both help her understand that she needs to be cautious in her approach if she does disagree with you and could actually make her more likely to agree.

I guess I just want to ask if you think it's even possible I could have it.

so yeah, like i said at the beginning of this, i think it's very possible that you could have avpd. i can't tell you for sure, but pretty much everything you've described here sounds very familiar to me as an avoidant person, so at the very least i think it's definitely worth looking into further and seeing if it continues to feel accurate as you learn more.

i hope this helps! and whether you end up concluding that you're avoidant or that there's something else going on, i hope you're able to find the understanding and support that you need.

#poss.answers #avpd #actually avpd #actually avoidant #avoidant pd #avoidant personality disorder #cluster c

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