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petersasteria · 3 years

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Pride And Joy - Peter Parker

Parker || Main || Taglist

Stark!Peter x Reader - both aged up Requested? Nah. 3,621 words W: curse words, a bit of smut (omg and it's a no for minors), cheating, pregnancy, virginity loss, just Peter being a rich kid that's all, character death

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“It’s literally a big deal, Peter! You know this award means so much to me and you didn’t even attend the opening!” Gwen yelled in anger. Peter was supposed to be Gwen’s plus one at an awarding ceremony for doctors. She won the AMA Foundation Award for Health Education and it meant so much to her. It was understandable that she was royally pissed at Peter.

Peter scoffed as he sat down on the couch with his feet on top of the coffee table. The small table next to the couch had his scotch on top of it. The glass had droplets of water running down it because of condensation. Peter grabbed the glass and took a sip from it as Gwen, his long time girlfriend, kept yelling at him. Peter kept making faces as Gwen yelled. She finally took notice of this and shouted, “Are you even listening, Peter?! God! You’re so out of touch lately! I don’t even talk to you anymore!”

“Oh, shut up, Gwen!” Peter rolled his eyes. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?!” Peter stood up from the couch and walked to the door.

“Where are you going?? We’re not done here, Peter! I’m still talking to you!”

Peter turned his head to look at her and said, “Yeah? Well, I’m done talking to you! Without me, you wouldn’t even have your award and you wouldn’t even attend medical school because you couldn’t afford it! Let’s not forget that I paid for your tuition fee and for everything else related to your studies. You don’t see me bragging about it, now do you?!”

Gwen shook her head as tears streamed down her face, “You’re such an asshole.”

“I’ve been called worse by better.” Peter said sassily before leaving the house. The door shook as he slammed it, making Gwen jump back in surprise. She retreated to hers and Peter’s shared bedroom and cried herself to sleep.

Meanwhile, Peter went to his favorite bar and drank the night away there. That’s where he met you. You were the new singer in the club and it was your first night on the job. It wasn’t your ideal job, but it pays the bills. Besides, you were thankful that you got a decent voice. Otherwise, you’d be waitressing and you didn’t have the patience to deal with people in general.

Peter loved your voice. It made him sober despite drinking copious amounts of alcohol. He just sat there and listened and hummed along to the songs he knew. When it was your break, he approached you.

You and the band were talking, getting to know each other when Peter tapped your shoulder. You turned around and smiled at him. Plus, he was cute. “Hi!” You greeted.

“Hey.” He smirked. “You’re a really good singer. I’m Peter.” He offered his hand for you to shake and you gladly took it. “I know. You’re, like, everywhere.” You giggled. “I’m Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” Peter said before carefully letting go of your hand. He smiled to himself as he thought of your name rolling off on his tongue. It sounded right.

“Would you like to grab a drink with me?” Peter asked politely. “I’d love to get to know you.”

“I’d love to, but I’m about to sing in a minute.” You said. “But my shift ends in an hour, if you’re still up by then.”

“I’ll wait.” Peter winked as he walked to a new table, closer to where you were performing. He called for a waiter and ordered a drink as he watched you get ready.

You took a sip of water and turned on your mic. You slightly leaned forward and spoke through it, “Hi, everybody! I’m now back for my second set. This next song is for the people who recently got cheated on by their man-”

A man shouted “GO OFF, SIS” somewhere in the back and it made you chuckle. Your chuckle was music to Peter’s ears. He has never heard an angel chuckling before, but he was convinced that it sounded like yours.

“Anyway, this song is called ‘Irreplaceable’ by Beyonce.” You smiled before turning to your bandmates and nodding at them to start playing.

You sang a few more songs and before you knew it, your shift was over. “That’s my last song for tonight. My name is Y/N and you can catch me here every night from 9PM to 2AM. Thank you and have a good night!” You said before turning off your mic and thanking your bandmates. You walked towards Peter and asked, “Is this seat taken?”

He grinned and shook his head. You sat down in front of him and said, “It’s been a long time since I last drank.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I can’t really handle it well and I do crazy shit. That’s why I moved here. I want to start fresh and all that.” You told him before calling your new friend, Amy, to order your drink. Amy’s a waitress and she’s really kind to you. She showed you how things went and everything.

Amy walked towards you and you told her, “You know my favorite drink already.” Amy grinned and said, “You got it, Y/N/N.” She left and immediately got you your drink.

You and Peter stayed there until 5AM just talking and laughing and drinking. It wasn’t until you looked at your watch that you noticed the time. “Oh, shit. It’s already 5AM.” You giggled before downing the last drop of your drink. “I have to leave and get some sleep.”

“I’ll take you home.” Peter offered, downing his last drink as well.

“You don’t have to do that. I live just around the corner.” You smiled at him. “Thank you, though.”

“Nonsense! It’s my day off, anyway. I’d also be really happy to know that you’re safe.” Peter said and you shrugged. “Alright.”

You went to the back and grabbed your bag as Peter waited for you outside the front of the bar. You finally walked out and Peter grinned at you. You two walked together and true enough, your apartment was really near. He offered to walk you upstairs and you allowed him to.

When you got there, you stood in front of your door and said, “Well, this is me. Thanks for walking me home.”

“No problem.” Peter smiled. You looked at each other for a while and Peter couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward and kissed you. You were in shock for a second, but you immediately kissed back. His arms wrapped around your waist and your arms were around his neck. It was getting heated and you decided to pull away for air.

“Oh my god. I’m so sor-”

“Don’t apologize.” Peter panted. “Don’t be sorry. We both know we want it. Why should we stop?”

You looked at him before quickly turning around to unlock your door. You and Peter quickly went inside and you locked the door as soon as you got in. He took your hand in his and pulled you towards him to kiss you once more.

You pulled away and said, “Wait, not here.” You brought him to your room and he pushed you on your bed as he got on top of you and leaned in to kiss you. Before you knew it, yours and his clothes were on the floor and as he lined himself in your entranced, you stopped him.

“I’ve never done this before.” You blurted out.

“What?” Peter said.

“I’ve never… done it… before.” You said and you were embarrassed that you had to tell him that. In fact, you wished you kept your mouth shut. He looked at you and shrugged, “That’s okay. I’ll be gentle, I swear.”

He smiled at you softly before pecking your lips sweetly and lining himself in your entrance again. You relaxed a bit as he slowly entered you. It hurt a bit and once he was fully in, he lets you adjust to him before slowly thrusting. Once you got used to it, you begged him to go faster until you felt something forming in you.

“I think I’m gonna-” You moaned.

“Just let it out.” Peter grunted. You did as you were told and Peter released in you too. He rode out your highs and pulled out before laying next to you. Both of you were gasping for air and you didn’t say anything for a while.

“Oh my god.” You said as soon as you caught your breath. “I can’t believe I lost my virginity to a Stark.”

“You’re welcome.” Peter said with a smirk.

Your little rendezvous with Peter happened every day since you met. It always happened at your small apartment and you felt sorry for your neighbors who got to hear you moaning through the thin walls. Peter didn’t care, though. He loved hearing you. He’s got you wrapped around his finger and you didn’t even notice that. You were innocent and fresh and he loved it.

He still went home and he still went on a few dates with Gwen, his long time girlfriend. Peter knew what he was doing and he knew it was wrong, but there was something about you that he really liked that he couldn’t put his finger on. He never told you about Gwen and he never told Gwen about you. It was meant to be that way until everything changed.

You were pregnant.

After all the wild sex that you and Peter did, you realized that he never wore protection. You quickly texted Peter about it and Peter quickly went to see you.

“What the fuck?!” Peter said as soon as you opened the door. You rolled your eyes and allowed him to come in before closing it.

“Yes. I’m pregnant and you’re the father.”

“I can’t be the father.” Peter shook his head.

“Well, too bad. You’re the father of this baby that I’m carrying. Besides, how can anyone else be the father? You’re the only man I’ve been sexual with. Why are you so upset?” You told him with a frown and somehow seeing you frown made Peter sad. He walked up to you and gave you a hug which you gladly returned.

“We’ll get through this.” Peter said even though he knew he was screwed. What would his father, Tony Stark, say? Tony would be disappointed, that’s for sure. He’d be yelled at.

A month later, Gwen found out. She saw Peter’s phone laying around which made her roll her eyes. She grabbed it and when she did, the screen lit up as a notification came in. Gwen knew that she wasn’t supposed to look, but her guts told her otherwise. She looked at it and gasped.

It was a text from you saying that the baby is okay and that you were excited to become a mom and that you already loved the baby.

Peter got out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He saw Gwen holding his phone and said, “What are you doing with my phone?”

“Who’s Y/N?” Gwen asked with a frown and a disappointed look on her face. “And why is she telling you all about her pregnancy? I would believe you if you told me that she’s just a friend, but she has a heart emoji next to her contact name. Who is she, Pete?”

“I cheated on you.” Peter said. It was so straightforward. He didn’t give Gwen a time to react as he just kept talking about what happened since the night of their argument. He told Gwen about how you two met, where you worked, where you lived, everything. After all, he could give Gwen was honesty. He didn’t have a reason to lie when everything’s out there.

“We’re done, Peter.” Gwen said as she tried not to cry. Peter nodded in understanding. “Peter, I love you and I always will, but that kid needs a father and I don’t want to get in the way of that. The kid is more important now.”

Gwen looked at the man she loved more than anything in the world and smiled sadly, “It wasn’t working out anymore, anyway. I wish you nothing but good luck and happiness. Since this is your house, I’ll move out. Don’t worry about me.”

Gwen walked up to him and kissed his cheek before grabbing a bag to pack her things. Peter gave Gwen a few days to move out before asking you to come live with him. You didn’t want to leave your apartment, but you figured the baby needed a decent home.

Once you moved in, Peter came clean to you about Gwen and everything. It hurt to know that you were just a side chick, but you knew it wasn’t your fault. He never told you in the beginning. Because of this, you decided not to agree to be his girlfriend when he asked.

“But why? We’re having a baby together.” Peter asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“I just- I can’t, alright?” You frowned. “I’m still so upset to find out that I’m the side chick. Just give me some time to get over it.”

After that, you were surprised that Peter still welcomed you to stay. You were always taken care of and Peter made sure that the maids made sure you were comfortable whenever he’s at work. He pampered you and he spoiled the unborn baby inside of you as well. He bought a crib, a baby monitor and all things that a baby needs.

“Peter, I’m not even close to my due date yet.” You chuckled. At this point, you were already two months pregnant. Peter smiled and said, “I don’t mind. It’s better to be early because knowing me, I forget things.”

Time passed by quickly and it wasn’t long until you were seven months pregnant. A few months back, you and Peter found out that you were having a boy and that excited both of you. Now, it’s like you’re the only one who’s excited. You noticed that Peter wasn’t happy anymore.

One night when he came home from work, you confronted him about his behavior. “Peter, are you okay? You seem really sad lately.” You said softly.

Peter stared at the wall and heavily sighed, “I made a mistake, Y/N. I’m so sorry that I have to do this to you.” The fact that he can’t even look at you says everything. You knew that what he was about to say, will ruin you. You felt it.

“I think I still love Gwen.” Peter mumbled. “What happened to us was a mistake and I’m so sorry that I gave you false hope of becoming a family. I’m really sorry.” He felt so bad. He genuinely did. It wasn’t some sick joke and he cried. You cried too, but you refused to let Peter see your tears. Instead, you sat next to him and patted his back as he sobbed with his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He cried. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

You hugged him and rubbed his back with your palm in a circular motion. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s fine, Peter. We all make mistakes.” You said, your voice trembling. You gulped and held your composure. You didn’t want to cry because you knew it would make him feel even more bad. You didn’t want that.

“It’s okay, Peter. Really, it’s fine.” You said sadly. You couldn’t help it, though. Your tears streamed down your face as you silently cried while you held Peter in your arms. “We’ll be okay.”

You quickly wiped your tears before letting go of Peter. He looked at you straight in the eyes and opened his mouth to apologize. You brought your index finger to his mouth and shook your head.

“Don’t.” You said. “I’ll move out.” You got up and started packing your things. Peter left the room because he couldn’t take it. You were an innocent person who got dragged into this mess and you didn’t deserve it. He hated hurting you, but what’s done is done.

You packed what you can and exited the room that you and Peter shared. You dragged your suitcase downstairs and Peter cringed as he heard every step you took. Peter got up from the couch when he saw you reaching for the door.

“Y/N, please promise me something.” Peter pleaded. You looked in the eyes that you’ve grown to love. You nodded and said, “Anything.”

“Promise me that you’ll give me updates about the baby. Send me pictures and videos and just tell me everything about him, okay? I want to feel close to him somehow. If Gwen takes me back, I know she won’t allow me to see you and him.” Peter explained.

“Of course. Anything for you, Pete.” You gave him a small smile before leaving.

That was the last time Peter saw you. Surprisingly, Gwen took him back and he was right; Gwen didn’t want him to see you or the kid despite what she said before about not wanting the kid to grow up without a father. In Gwen’s thoughts, Peter went back to her for a reason and that reason is to be with her. Therefore, Peter should start fresh and pretend everything related to you never happened.

You never texted Peter for a while and that scared him. You promised to update him and not getting any texts from you sent shivers down his spine.

Two months later, you texted him again. It was midnight and Peter was still awake. He was working on his laptop when he got your message. He quickly looked at it and it was a picture of you in the hospital bed with a baby in your arms; his son.

Your text read: Meet Maxim. He’s healthy and he’s fine.

Peter was so happy that he finally heard from you again. He was extremely happy. He was sad that he had no trace of you in his house because the day after you left, Peter sent yours and all the baby’s things to your apartment. It left nothing behind.

Knowing he couldn’t be physically present, Peter sent you a bouquet of flowers and a note that said: ‘Congratulations, darling. Like his name, Maxim is the greatest little boy I’ve ever seen.’

This turned into a tradition for years. Every year, Peter would send gifts for Maxim on his birthday and it would make him happy. Maxim loved his father despite not meeting him yet. He saw pictures of Peter, though. He kept his favorites in his room.

Peter and Gwen got married and even though that happened, he longed to see your updates. It felt wrong, but he just wanted to know you were okay.

One day texts from you just stopped. Peter became paranoid not knowing about yours and Maxim’s condition. He was extremely sad when a week passed by and he still hasn’t heard from you.

“Dad, can you just calm down? I’m trying here, alright!” Peter raised his voice as he spoke to Tony through the phone. “I’ll handle the M.I.T scholarships, dad. You know that I’ll handle it. What makes you think that you can’t trust me?”

“Well, you cheated on Gwen and I lost my trust in you too.” Tony sassed.

“For god’s sake, that was like eight years ago! Get over it!” Peter hissed. “Anyway, I-”

Peter got cut off upon hearing a knock on the door. “Linda, can you get that please?” He shouted from the kitchen before continuing his talk with Tony. The person behind the door knocked again and Peter sighed.

“Dad, hold on a sec.” Peter grumbled. “Linda! Can you get the door, please?!” He stayed quiet for a while and waited for Linda’s footsteps, but they never came. Peter shook his head and spoke to Tony again.

“I’ll just open the door. Linda’s probably watching TV in the maid’s quarters. She likes the volume super loud.”

“Jesus, kid. Just fire her.” Tony said and Peter imagined his father rolling his eyes and disappointingly shaking his head.

“Linda needs the job. Anyway, I’ll get the door.” Peter said as he heard knocking again. He puts his phone on the countertop. He quickly jogged to the front door and opened it.

“Hi, dad.”

Peter wanted to faint. He looked around and you were nowhere in sight. “M-Maxim?”

“That’s me!” Maxim grinned. The 8-year-old boy had the features of Peter and it was so obvious that Peter’s his father. Peter stared at him for a long time and Maxim cleared his throat, “May I come in?”

Peter could only nod as he opened the door wider for Maxim. He closed the door and quickly went to the kitchen. He grabbed his phone and said, “Dad, I’ll call you back.”

“Why? What ha-”

Peter hung up the phone and turned his attention to his son who was standing behind him. “Was that grandpa?” Maxim asked with an innocent look on his face.

“Yeah.” Peter smiled softly. “Where’s your mom?”

Maxim frowned, “She’s dead.”

Peter’s heart stopped. Maxim told him about how you met your demise and Peter couldn’t function anymore. The mother of his child was now dead and he didn’t even get to say goodbye. It broke him and his heart broke even more for his son because he was motherless at the tender age of eight. He looked at his precious son with sad eyes as Maxim explained everything.

Peter hugged him tightly and swore to himself that he’d protect Maxim at all cost. He just couldn’t believe that you were gone.

* * * *

Part 2? Bc there will be whether you like it or not.

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @blueleatherbag @cocoamoonmalfoy @thatforgottenangel @parkerpeter24 @slutforsr @givebuckyhisplumsnow @buckys-little-hoe @runawayolives @chewymoustachio @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @yourstrulyamour @beverlythrillz @pearce14 @juliediggory @yaya4302 @alexx-stancati @rumplebutterbaby @dummiesshort @spideyspeaches @quxxnxfhxll @marvelsimps @angelsgrxzer @dreamy-clousds @bora-world @hunnybunimdun @supred12 @more-like-reyna @caitsymichelle13

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @calltothewild @felicityparkers @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @speedymaximoff @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @getbywithasmile @pqrkerr @lavender-writer @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker one shots #peter parker angst #stark!peter parker #stark!peter #in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

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fanfics-for-the-hockey-fan · 4 years

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My Treasure - William Nylander

Request: Can you do one where you are pregnant with William nylanders baby and getting hate and he makes you feel better

Getting pregnant at 24 was definitely not a part of my 5 year post college plan. Then again falling in love wasn't one of my bullet points either. But when my period was over a week late I knew that everything was about to change. William was thrilled when he saw the bolded word on the pregnancy test, immediately wanting to tell anyone he could. I was a little more hesitant to share the news.

I knew that I wanted children someday and those feelings intensified once my relationship with William became serious, I just figured we would be married and I would be a little more secure in my teaching job before we would add a baby to the mix. We told our families first and they were all excited and happy for us, same with friends and teammates. The real problem came when we started to share the news with the rest of the world. On William's social media everyone was happy for us and wishing us well, but mine is where all of the hate went.

She probably got knocked up so he couldn't leave her.

Hopefully you don't gain too much baby weight, you could already stand to lose a little.

You're not even pregnant with his kid I bet, just went to the guy with the biggest paycheck.

I did my best to delete the comments as soon as I saw them, hiding them from William so he wouldn’t get upset. Some people didn't get the hint after the first deleted comment and I would end up blocking them. Two weeks after announcing our pregnancy the nasty comments were outweighing the nice ones of my post. My pregnancy hormones went crazy one day when my pants didn't fit for the first time of the pregnancy and William was away on a road trip until the morning.

I canceled my plans to go get dinner with some friends and instead had a pity party in some of William's clothes with ice cream and reading through all the horrible things that were being said about me.

I can't believe he is still with her, she is not pretty enough for him.

Fat cow

You are going to ruin his career with the child.

I cried myself to sleep on the couch after midnight and didn't wake up until someone was brushing some hair out of my face. Slowly opening my eyes I saw a concerned William kneeling on the floor in front of me. "Ellie, what’s wrong? Were you crying?" I sat up, making room for William next to me before he pulled me into his lap. "Your friends texted me last night and told me you skipped on going to dinner with them. Is everything okay? Is the baby okay?"

"The baby is fine, I just couldn't find anything that fit comfortably with the bump. I had a pity party with ice cream and must have fallen asleep." Everything I said was true, I just left out one major thing.

"I'm sorry babe, but can I finally buy you some new maternity clothes? Please." He gave me puppy dog eyes as he begged, causing me to laugh and turn to face him more.

"You love shopping more than I do."

"Is that a yes? I'm taking that as a yes. Go get ready, shopping might take all day." With that he was carrying me down the hall, laughing the entire way. When he finally set me down I managed to find a t-shirt dress that wasn't too uncomfortable and proceeded to get ready.

***

After a full day of shopping William took me out to dinner at our favorite Spanish restaurant. I excused myself after we ordered a bunch of small plates to share to run to the bathroom and when I got back William was standing at the table with a large plastic bag and shaking hands with the owner. "What's going on?"

"I thought you might be more comfortable if we went home and ate. I've kept you busy most of the day so I know your feet must be bothering you." His tone was off but I brushed it off as we headed out. The drive home was a tense silence without even the radio playing.

I didn't say anything until we were in the apartment and William started slamming cabinet doors as he got plates. "What's wrong?"

"I just don't get why people spend so much time trying to make other people down! Like, what does it do for them?" He had a fire in his eyes I had only ever seen on the ice, and I wasn't sure what was causing it.

"I'm going to some more context here. Did something happen at the restaurant?"

"Before we left the last store I took a couple of pictures for our shopping day and posted them to Instagram. I thought it was no big deal, just sharing what I was up to on a day off. And then when you were in the bathroom your phone started buzzing like crazy so I thought someone was trying to call you. But all of your notifications were for Instagram, and I know I shouldn't have opened the app on your phone but I thought maybe it was your girlfriends' group chat and Sophie finally got engaged." I let out a small chuckle at that, we basically were taking bets on when her and her high school sweetheart would finally take the next step.

"I'm guessing that isn't what you saw." I knew what he was going to say next but I was hoping with every fiber of my being that I was wrong.

"No, I saw the worst of humanity in your DMs. I just- how can people be so cruel?" William slumped into the bar stool next to me at the island as I reached for my phone having to see what was sent to me now. "Ellie…" I ignored his worried warning as I opened up the app, going to my DMs.

Fat cow, you only got pregnant so that you could lock in some who is far too good for you. I hope he sees he could do so much better and kicks you out before that baby ruins his career and life!

So you are just using him for his money. I bet the baby isn’t even his, probably a teammate who makes less. Whore!

Bitch, why are you even with Willy? He is a literal hockey god and from what i can tell you are just some stupid high school math teacher. He can do so much better than you.

There were over 50 messages just like those, all sent within the last hour. I didn't even dare look at the comments on my latest post, even though it was a few days old the braver trolls put their nasty messages there for the whole world to see.

"How long has this been happening?" I had hopped off my stool, going to plate up the food we brought home and trying to avoid the conversation I knew we needed to have. "Ellie… Please talk to me. How long?"

"Honestly, since we started posting that we were dating. It's gotten worse since we posted that we are gonna be parents."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because part of me thought that if I just deleted the messages and comments that it wasn't real. That if I was the only one who knew that I could just pretend that it was all in my head. Then there is that stupid voice in my head that likes to play up my insecurities, that made me feel like if you saw what people were sending me that you would believe it. And I know that thinking that is stupid and unrealistic but it can sometimes be the loudest thing in there." William also got off his stool, coming to stand right in front of me. He kissed my forehead before cupping my cheeks and holding eye contact.

"Min skatt, never feel like you have to hide this from me. You are the one I am in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with. You are the only one that can make me smile and laugh when I am in a bad mood after a game. You are the only one I see myself growing old, and possibly bald with." I let out a gasp at the word bald, he was so protective about his hair.

"See, the rational part of me knows all that."

"Well, let me make it clear to every part of you. I love you with every fiber of my being and as soon as I meet with your father next week to ask for his blessing, I will be asking you to marry me."

"Will…"

"But I am going to need you to act surprised when I ask." That got a small chuckle out of me.

"I'll do my best." William's stomach growled then, making both laugh. "Let's eat before your stomach starts communicating with us again." William just nods, a thoughtful look on his face that I'm sure would cause problems later but right now I just wanted to live in the happy moment.

After reheating the food and settling at the kitchen island to eat, I went through and deleted all the DMs and comments. I barely registered what they said as I deleted. What I didn't know was Will was looking at the comments as I deleted before pulling out his own phone. It was only when my phone buzzed with another notification that I found out what he was doing.

@williamnylander tagged you in a post

The post was two pictures side by side; the first was from our first date at a Christmas market, all bundled up and snuggled into each other as we took the photo in a mirror. The other picture was a selfie he took of us at my last doctor's appointment for the pregnancy, both of us were all smiles as I sat on the exam table with a picture of the sonogram on the screen behind us.

Two pictures of the love of my life. One from our first date, where I was a clutz and spilt hot chocolate all over her light grey coat and she still agreed to a second date. The other from a few weeks ago when we got another look at our baby.

I can say without any doubt that having Ellie in my life has only made it better. She has become my sounding board for when I'm frustrated, my motivation to score more goals, and my ray of sunshine on any cloudy day.

I knew from that first date that Ellie was the one for me, no one can tell me otherwise. And now she is carrying our first child. My heart continues to grow and fall in love with this amazing, kind, dedicated, caring, loving, and perfect woman each day.

I am so lucky to spend time with you each day and anyone who says otherwise is wrong and jealous of what we have.

Min skat, I am so excited to watch our family grow and experience the joys and challenges of parenthood with you. Ellie I love you and can't wait to see where we go next.

Together.

The tears started flowing before I even read the caption, the pictures enough with my pregnancy hormones. But the words William managed to write push me over the edge, I was crying at the love he put into the words but also laughing at the not so subtle 'fuck you' to all the nasty people who sent you messages.

"Did I overstep? I don’t want to embarrass you."

"It's perfect. You're perfect. I love you."

"I love you too, and I plan on showing you that everyday. Even if it is something as simple as an Instagram post."

"It's not just the post, it's that you are saying to all the people who see your pictures and then come trash talk to me that you know about them. And that will probably stop some of them from doing it again. And anyone who doesn't get the message gets blocked."

"Good. Now, let go watch some TV and cuddle." Nodding grabbing my plate of food, following William to the couch before curling into his side.

As William pulled up the next episode of a show we were binging, I thought of something. "You never have told me what 'min skat' means."

"It means 'my treasure'. And it reminds me how lucky I am every day to have you in my life."

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et-lesailes · 5 years

Note

Chris x wife - she surprises him with a baby Patriots tee/onesie, because she’s found out she’s pregnant with their first bubba?

-> -> -> "Oh, my God. That's absolutely perfect! He's going to love it!"

You squealed along with your best friend via video chat, holding up the tiny Patriots onesie you had ordered online a couple days prior. "I know, right? He's a sucker for sentimental things, and God, you know how much he cries. He's going to be full on sobbing." You spoke about your husband with a fond eye roll, though couldn't help but giggle. You had found the perfect package in Chris (in more ways than one) and you couldn't be more grateful for every aspect of him, even his sensitive side. If anything, it was touching how easily he could come to tears, simply because he was such a caring and passionate person.

You saw a notification pop up on your phone and you squealed again, bouncing up and down. "Okay, okay he's leaving the studio now. I gotta go, okay? I'll call you after!"

You were smiling from ear to ear as you looked down at the adorable onesie again. You and Chris had been excited about having children ever since your dating life became more serious; he had always made it obvious he couldn't wait to be a father one day, and you had always dreamed of being a mother. The two of you had only gotten married a few months ago, but you were beyond ready. Now that you were 100% sure you were pregnant after taking three different tests, you could not wait to share the news with the love of your life.

You heard a car door outside and you rushed to the window of the bedroom you shared, smiling as you saw your husband get out of his custom Camaro, biting on your lip in excitement. Even Dodger was standing beside you with his front paws on the window, tail wagging as he let out eager whines.

"Babe? I'm back!" the familiar Boston accent sounded from the front door, and you immediately rushed to the laundry basket like you had planned, clearing your throat. "I'm in our room!" You began randomly folding clothes, even already folded ones, leaving the onesie at the bottom of the basket. You could hear footsteps bound up the stairs, and then soon felt a pair of muscular arms wrapped around you and the scent of fresh cologne. "Hey pretty girl," he mumbled into your ear, kissing your cheek and completely oblivious to the fact that you were literally unfolding and folding clothes at this point. "I missed you." He let out a laugh when Dodger jumped up onto him, suddenly reaching down and lifting the dog up with one arm. "And I missed you too, bubba! No need to be so competitive!" He joked, and you giggled as you turned your head over your shoulder to watch.

"Need help with that, darling?" he asked, and you nodded your head with a cute smile. "Can you put these in your drawer?" You handed him a folded stack of his t-shirts and he nodded, setting Dodger down and giving him a quick playful shake down of a rub before taking the clothes from you. "What else has to be done, honey? Let me do some stuff too, you shouldn't have to do everything around here." You chuckled, mumbling softly, "Trust me, you'll be doing a lot around here pretty soon..."

"Hm?" He turned his head to look at you as he shut the drawer of the chest. "Nothing, sweetie! Honestly I only have these clothes to put away. Can you put these in my drawer?" You smiled sweetly as you held out a stack of some of your tops and he nodded with a grin, coming over and kissing your forehead before doing what he was told. You looked into the basket, smile wide and heart racing. The only thing left was the itsy bitsy Patriots onesie, the mere sight of it making you stare dreamily upon imagining how your sweet child would look wearing it.

"Anything else, love?" he asked, and you hummed nonchalantly. "Just one more. Er, we have an empty drawer in that chest, right?" He blinked and looked back towards it. "Uh yeah, I believe so, since most of our things are in the closet. What do you need an empty one for though?" You tried to hold back your giggles, slowly picking up the onesie and turning around to face him, holding it up as you bit your lip. "For the newest member of our family.....?"

He practically froze, eyes staring at the article of clothing for a good minute before his mouth slowly fell open. "Wait--" he began but did not finish, appearing to be speechless. You couldn't help but giggle now, stepping closer and using one hand to take his, holding it over your belly. "We're having a baby, Chris," you whispered, "I'm pregnant."

He was still speechless for a few more seconds before suddenly smiling widely, a series of laughs escaping his lips from pure joy. "A-are you serious baby??" he asked, and you heard his voice crack slightly-- sure enough, there came the glisten in his bright eyes, the waterworks soon to follow. "Oh my God! We're... we're having a baby, holy shit!" He immediately scooped you up and you laughed loudly as he spun you around, Dodger beginning to jump and bark in excitement too. "And you got this Pats onesie for him or her? Fuck, that's so perfect baby, I-- God, I fucking love you." He sniffed slightly but kissed you lovingly, still holding you in the air but close to his body. "I love you too," you spoke through giddy breaths, holding onto him tight while the onesie remained clenched in one hand. You then pulled back and raised an eyebrow playfully as you locked eyes onto his.

"And sweetie, you're gonna have to watch the swearing from now on...."

#chris evans x reader #chris evans fluff #chris evans x you #chris evans drabble #chris evans imagine #rhee drabbles #anonymous

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harry-sussex · 4 years

Text

A Note... and A Big Thank You

Gather ‘round, my friends. This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me as I write all of this out. I’d appreciate it if you would read until the end, if you’re interested.

It’s been a few weeks now, and I’ve had time to settle my thoughts and almost come to terms with what’s happened with the British Royal Family over the past month or so. It was difficult for me in a very, very real way. I don’t know The Duke and Duchess of Sussex or their son, and they will never know me, but I care for them in a way I can’t really describe. I can only hope that you all know what the feeling is like, as lovers of royalty yourselves. It’s hard enough to explain to people in the real world. I’m glad I won’t have to explain to you that the feelings - of affection, of pride, and of disappointment - are very real, very tangible... even with respect to complete strangers who live thousands of miles away, working for a country in which you do not live, with privilege and a lifestyle you could only imagine... the feelings are very real.

On January 8th, I was at work. Typing away, doing my thing, more or less minding my own business. I saw the Instagram notification - SussexRoyal made a post - and when I saw the little thumbnail image next to the notification of their engagement photocall, I literally thought oh my God, Meghan is pregnant. I clicked that notification faster than I’ve clicked anything in my life.

As you all know, that’s not even close to what they were saying. Ultimate high to ultimate low in a second flat. I remember my stomach dropping. And I remember the panic. Or at least my sheer, unadulterated panic because let me tell you - I was panicking. In a very real, heart pounding, head spinning, caps lock, oh my God no this isn’t happening way. My Harry was leaving and taking with him some of the best parts of who he is - a wife and child we’ve only just gotten to know, with whom we’d already fallen so in love, after waiting so long for them to appear in his life - and I. was. panicking.

Once we had a few moments as a fandom to wrap our heads around the Sussexes’ proposal as outlined on SussexRoyal.com, to develop some semblance of understanding, the second bomb dropped - HM was unaware of their decision to go public. Charles and William weren’t in on it, either. The discussions were preliminary and were far from adequate enough for the public’s questioning and demanding gaze. Harry did what Harry has always been prone to doing... he didn’t like the way things had to be, so he made his own rules.

It didn’t look good for my Harry, who I’ve always loved, always defended, even when the worst parts of his personality overshadowed the best. And for the first time in all the years I’ve been following him, I had nothing to defend him with. Nothing. He was wrong in my eyes - plain as day, he was a stubborn, spoiled, petulant brat who didn’t get his way immediately, and retaliated. He had his reasons, sure, and they were (and are) legitimate. But I couldn’t find a single way to defend the way he went about making it happen. And let me tell you guys - that was not easy for me to wrap my head around. I’d always found room in my thoughts to understand Harry’s relatively infrequent grand lapses of judgment. This time, I had nothing. My Harry was wrong. Wrong.

Not only was he wrong, but he seemed so lost, so desperate to get out. It was absolutely heartbreaking imagining my Harry - my strong, cheery, dedicated Harry - feeling so desperate for the sake of the safety of his wife and child that he went to this extreme. Abandoning the only life he’d ever know for a chance at peace. The only reason for such a move was sheer desperation. As infuriating as it was... it was equivalently, if not more, heartbreaking. He sought peace in the only way he thought he could, blindly fearful of the same forces that took his mother, now coming for his wife and son, clawing his way out so he could finally rest... heartbreaking. I don’t know this about him, but just imagining it was enough for me to feel sick to my stomach. My poor Harry. My poor, stubborn Harry.

Within minutes, this place was at absolute war. A war that has been building for several years finally hit its breaking point. I saw people turn on each other, turn on the royals, change their points of view. I saw language I’ve never seen in all of my years here. The blame game, finger pointing, complete dissolution of real relationships, friendships breaking, two factions violently clashing with every new piece of information released... it was awful. It was like a train wreck, or a dumpster fire. I’ve seen a lot happen in this fandom over the past six years, but I’ve never seen anything like January 8th. Never. I couldn’t sit around and watch it happen but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I had to be involved for the sake of this blog and for the sake of William, Kate, Harry, Meghan, the kids, and the rest of the British Royal Family, but I hated my involvement. It was an awful feeling. Combined with how awful I was feeling already about the idea of the split alone... I felt terrible for days. Weeks, even. Even now, just thinking about it, seeing photos of Harry and Meghan plastered all over every media source... even seeing William and Kate out and about, still doing their royal duties... I still feel absolutely awful about the whole thing. Lost, and sad, and lonely... just awful.

I was losing and gaining followers every minute. Some people I thought were friends vanished in the blink of an eye, because they didn’t like what I had to say. Some - violently so. My inbox and messages blew up - some agreeing with me, more screaming at me, and even more asking what the hell was going on. It’s been more than four weeks, and I still haven’t gotten through even a third of the messages. My head was spinning in the worst way, and I couldn’t shake it. I couldn’t believe it. All of these years of loving my Harry, waiting for him to find his partner, watching him find her, fall in love with her, propose to her, bring her into this unique world of his... traveling 3,500 miles to see the wedding in person, falling in love with Meghan for the simple reason that he loved her, crying for their pregnancy, and falling in love with the bump that became Bubba that became Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor... just for it to all get ripped out from under my feet not two years later. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t handle it. I was heartbroken and completely blindsided and lost and so, so immeasurably sad. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to do.

People were coming at me in droves, mocking my longtime defense of the Cambridges and my omnipresent denial of the feud. Screaming about William, about how I’m awful for caring for him and his family after what he’s done to his only brother... screaming about the Royal Family and how I’m terrible for loving them despite what they did to Harry and Meghan... telling me to go focus on my “perfect” future King/Queen and leave the Sussexes out of my life, calling me the worst names for having the audacity to open my heart to more than Harry/Meghan/Archie... and worse. Much, much worse. My inbox was absolutely atrocious after this whole thing first happened. A lot of the messages have been since deleted, but just reading them once was more than enough for me.

I was so ashamed, knowing that this place that I often love so much has eroded to this. Violence, cruelty, arguing, slinging real insults, cursing the existence of some of my favorite people on the planet, cursing each other... it was so awful. So awful. There are no words to describe how it felt for me - a William girl, a Kate girl, a Harry girl, and a Meghan girl, through and through - to be a part of this fandom during these past few weeks. But mostly, it was absolutely, heartbreakingly awful. I’m strong enough to know that this stuff doesn’t matter, not really... but it does, in its own way. It does.

When the split was finalized with a quick, heartfelt, and ultimately quite succinct message from The Queen, I genuinely cried. Real tears, real heartbreak. That was it - the end of something many of us waited years and years for, gone after not even two. Never in my wildest dreams did I even entertain such an idea. The end of six years of following my Harry... done. Harry was one of the highlights of my day for so long and now... that’s it. It’s over. I was not ready for it, not even remotely prepared for even the idea of it (a split never once even crossed my mind as a possibility to begin with), and now... it’s over. And it hurts now, just as it did on January 8th and every day of every announcement since then. It hurts, in a very real way. It hurts. And Harry’s last speech sealed the deal. In ten minutes, he seemed to confirm the sheer desperation with which he acted. He reminded the world of his reasons for doing what he did - ultimately, to protect that which he holds most dear. He promised that he wasn’t bailing, but he couldn’t live this way anymore... I’ll admit, I bawled while I was reading it. I still haven’t listened to the audio; I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. It broke me completely. Shattered me. My Harry, the light of my life, broke my heart that day and I honestly believe things will never be the same for me with him. I’m heartbroken. Truly, honestly, even after all of these weeks... utterly heartbroken.

I’ve been called extra, dramatic, pathetic... both here and in my real life. I can live with that; that doesn’t bother me. The feelings are real. The pride, the disappointment, the heartbreak, the panic, the fury, the excitement, the joy... even though we don’t know these royals, the feelings are real. I’ll go to my grave saying that. Most of you guys understand that, I know you do. Dramatic? Maybe. But the way I felt, and feel, about this situation is very, very, agonizingly real.

I’m not sure if it’s apparent, but I’ve taken a bit of a break around here since the last statement dropped. I’ve been online, sure - occasionally reblogging, chatting, liking, commenting, and whatnot - but I haven’t been nearly as active as I tend to be. There’s a big hole in this place that the Sussexes left behind when they split from the Royal Family and it’s taken some adjusting for me to grow accustomed to their absence on my dashboard. I love William and Kate with my whole heart, you guys know that, but there’s just something missing right now. A little bit of spark, a little bit of my Harry magic is missing, and his absence from my day-to-day blogging dims the allure of this place significantly for me.

I’m still not sure what’s going to happen with this blog. A blog called Harry-Sussex is hard to keep up if there’s no more Harry Sussex to follow, you know? I’m not sure how to cover Their Royal Highnesses the future King and Queen alongside Mr. and Mrs. Sussex, regular people. This blog has been and always will be about royalty... what do you do when half of the royals you cover and care about decide they don’t want to be royal anymore?

I’ve been here for almost six years and I don’t really want to leave just yet. I think there’s a lot left to see, a lot left to say. I always wanted to stick around as long as I could, until William’s investiture as Prince of Wales at the very least, but the Sussex split has made that idea much less appealing. Maybe it’d be easier to follow these people I love so much from afar, instead of so closely. Maybe I could return to the blissful ignorance of the days before I had this blog, when I got excited over outfits and babies and tiaras instead of getting frustrated over finances and security and engagements. I’m not sure. What I do know is that this isn’t as fun for me as it used to be, and truly, I never thought I’d say that. But in all honesty, this... this has been different. Way different than anything in my wildest dreams.

I’m not leaving - please don’t mistake that. I’m not leaving, not yet, but I just want you all to know that my heart truly isn’t in this right now, and I want you to understand why. The Sussexes took most of it with them, and whatever’s left has been completely shattered by the way this fandom, this place turned on itself and absolutely imploded... destruction, violence, and cruelty, shattering it from the inside out. This place is fractured, it is damaged, perhaps irreparably. And it is very, very real. It may be an online space, but behind each blog is a real person with real feelings towards these very real royals, and the words one says and actions in which one partakes can have very real consequences.

That being said... the consequences do not always have to be negative. There are some truly wonderful people involved in this fandom, without whom I’m not sure how I would have made it through. It was hard, it still is hard, navigating this new “blog normal.”

There are quite a few people that I have met or interacted with over the years, and particularly since the split, who have made navigating this new normal much easier. It was so hard, I was so upset that I cannot adequately vocalize the feeling... but there are some people who went out of their way to cheer me up, however inadvertently. Through a quick message, chatting, sheer knowledge, or just making me laugh... I really struggled with this place for a bit. I wasn’t sure if I was going to bow out or not. I wasn’t sure if I could handle the malice, the negativity from the fandom compounded with missing Harry and Meghan more than I could stand.

I’m not, at least not now, and I truly believe I owe that to these people. In the weeks between the first statement and the last, the worst parts of this place were on full display for the world - and me - to see. I almost let it get to me; I almost let it win. The best parts, though - nearly overcome by the sheer magnitude of what was happening - revealed themselves to me in a time when I really, really needed it. My feelings regarding the split were tangible. The help these wonderful people provided to me was equivalently real, equivalently tangible.

So, with that, I’d like to name and thank more than a few people publicly who really, really made this place a place worth staying in during and in the immediate aftermath of the Sussex split:

@acaffeinateduniverse - Someone I’ve never spoken to before the split. You saw my posts about how heartbroken I was and sent me the absolute sweetest message, understanding and empathizing and generally just being very, very sweet. For worrying, and for understanding the reality of these feelings. You are a surprise bright spot in a place that can so often be dark and the world is better because you are in it. I’m so sorry that you’re equivalently upset by this new arrangement, but we will make it through together. You’re an absolute angel, thank you for being you.

@avidroyalfan - We’ve been through a lot on this website together, haven’t we, Debby? Thank you for always bringing it back down to Earth and for always coming out swinging - especially when anons are involved. For always caring about what I have to say. Sometimes I feel like I’m screaming into the void, but never if you’re around. Seeing your name always brightens my day. Thank you.

@cambridgemadness - We have almost nothing in common from a royal-watching standpoint and yet you took time out of your day to message me in the peak of this mess. We don’t even follow each other but you saw what was going on and put aside our differences and dissimilar preferences to reach out a hand. This place needs more of that. The problem here isn’t dissenting opinions; it’s the malice often associated with finding out someone feels differently than you do. You never did that - not with me - and I really appreciate it more than I can put into words. Thank you, Vanessa, for reaching out to a complete stranger so kindly. Seriously. Thank you.

@catherineandmeghans - What can I possibly say, Rach? We’ve been through a lot together over the years and there’s nobody out there who handles the ins and outs of this hellhole better than you do. For always being a bright spot in anyone’s day and for always speaking with understanding, level-headedness, and a (figurative) smile. For knowing when to take a step back. You are an angel.

@claireofluxembourg - It’s a rare thing when someone is a fan and a critic of the same royal, given the development and preeminence of stan culture - especially in this fandom. For not letting your love of Henry cloud your judgment. For always being hilarious (hello, Henry’s bald spot) and for always, always owning your shit. For never being afraid to speak your mind. For reaching out and understanding (even when I’m being dramatic) and for everything. You know, friend. You know. I love you so much ♡

@crownprincesses - For a rational brain, the sweetest disposition, and equal-opportunity-representation of everyone’s favorite royals. For understanding what was happening and responding so calmly. For never letting it get to you. I could learn a thing or two about that from you, Chiara. Thank you for it.

@defend-mm - For your passion, dedication, and availability. For your involvement. For the regular positivity in my notifications that I regretfully have taken for granted in the past. For your openness and enthusiasm and eagerness to defend. For your engagement with the broader community. We should all enjoy passion and excitement the way you do.

@duchessofostergotlands - The Queen herself. For knowing everything and never balking at sharing your knowledge. For being the most rational and thorough person I know. For level-headed understanding and never, ever judging - even and especially when I deserve it. For your openness and willingness to talk. For never letting your preferences get in the way of what others are feeling. For your understanding and patience. For RuPawl. I could go on, but I think you know. Thank you, Jessica.

@gloriousglorianas - One of the most level-headed people I know. Cece, I don’t know where this place would be without your calm, forgiving, and rational insight, but I’m glad I’ll never have to know. You are a steadfast pillar of rationality mixed with a heavy dose of excitement and passion and I appreciate it so much. Thank you for reaching out as kindly as you have and thank you for sticking through the mess and coming out stronger on the other side. For your nuanced understanding of anything and everything.

@grandmotherofeurope - Thank you for understanding, for loving him and knowing the heartbreak that came with the split. You reached out - again, without knowing me from a hole in the wall - without judging and with understanding and compassion and I’m forever grateful for it. I’m truly so, so sorry that you’re so hurt by what’s happened. I sympathize, and I understand. You’ll get through it, I promise. Thank you for being so sweet.

@harryandmeghansussex - My best girl. Becky, I don’t know how we made it through, but we did. It’s going to be an adjustment but if anyone’s going to be alright, it’s you. Harry and Meghan would be thrilled to know they have someone like you out there in their corner. These days, they need it. For the positivity, all of the challenges, and never letting the negativity get through. For the updates and the pictures and always keeping me (and everyone else) in the loop. I wouldn’t have known anything about the Sussexes beyond what was posted on Instagram without you. Thank you for keeping on top of it when the rest of us can’t. For understanding and valuing my points of view without bailing on a friendship because we differ. Another valuable commodity, a true rarity around here. Thank you.

@hollylite - The very first person to reach out when I was in the middle of having a nervous breakdown. Thank you for your consistent reassurances, your sweet demeanor, and for your understanding. Our conversation reminds me of the very best this place has to offer; you are most certainly a part of that. Thank you.

@hrhatbat - Morgan... Morgan Morgan Morgan. I swear you’re like a Texas-living, design-savvy, stylist clone of myself. We have so much in common it literally scares me, but I love it. Thank you for keeping things bright and airy around here. It felt so dark for a few weeks, but you never let that get to you or through you, and you never let it get past you to everyone else. Thanks for never judging and always having something else to talk about.

@lizisaroyalist - You know how much I adore you, but it needs to be in writing. For always making me laugh and for always coming out swinging. For the best insults (”cold slice of ham”) and for never taking yourself (or anyone else) too seriously. For always being in my corner. For laughing at the ridiculous messages I get, especially now. I could go on for hours. There aren’t enough words, but I think you know. Thank you for being you, Liz. I love you so so so much ♡ It’s come to my attention that you’ve chosen to leave since I started writing this, which is okay. We’ll be here if you ever want to come back. I hope you see this. You deserve to know how wonderful you are and how thankful I am for your friendship.

@lorising - Lo. What can I say that hasn’t already been said about you? For the love, the positivity, and the understanding. For defending anyone and everyone - royal or not. For the laughter, and the incredibly unique and invaluable optimism and enthusiasm. For reaching out with a hug and for being so warm and inviting to anyone and everyone. For your “infinite support.” We could all learn a thing or two from you.

@meghanscatherines - For being so willing to start new communities within this larger community. For your positivity and optimism. For being as sweet as pie. For understanding, empathizing, and being so compassionate. You’re a sweetheart, Bia. Thank you.

@middletonmarkle - The sweetest girl. Mackinley, seeing you in my notifications and on my dashboard always puts a smile on my face. For bringing me back down to earth with the smallest, sweetest comment. It’s the little things. Also, for being on the “William is attractive as all hell” train. I respect that - you know I do.

@mrmrswales - Our resident genius. I have no idea how someone like me and someone like you get along so well, but I’m thankful that we do. For always being willing to share your information. For the sheer breadth of knowledge and expertise you bring to the table. For being willing to have a conversation, even when that conversation involves someone you categorically cannot stand. For your drive, ambition, your attitude, and for always playing the Devil’s advocate. I wouldn’t know half of the things I do without you. May we all love and appreciate and take pride in our favorites the way you do yours.

@princeh3nry - The other fandom OG Harry girl. For understanding what it’s like to love him and for understanding what it’s like to love the rest of them, too. For never letting the atmosphere cloud your judgment. For years of Harry content. For (inadvertently) dragging me into the mess that is following Prince Harry all those years ago. For a nuanced and established point of view. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one still in this thing for Harry. Thank you for making me feel a lot less alone - especially now.

@princessanneftw - A seriously underrated person around here who never gets involved in the drama (and who seriously makes me laugh with every post). Thank you so much for reaching out when I was about to lose my mind. I know I haven’t answered your message (I’m terrible at that, notoriously) but I do go back and read it over and over when I get overwhelmed with this situation, which, even now, weeks later, is still quite often. It was so sweet and I am so grateful that you took the time to write it. You are an angel. You always crack me up - seriously, all the time - and that’s such a valuable commodity in this community. Thank you for your kindness and for your sense of humor.

@princesscatherinemiddleton - Our resident positivity guru, Duchess of Cambridge extraordinaire, fashion Queen. Grace, every community - online or not - deserves a person like you. From making it your personal mission to spread positivity among the darkness, to your calculated and fervent dedication to The Duchess of Cambridge, to welcoming The Duchess of Sussex with open arms... I don’t know what to say. It takes a special kind of person to willingly do what you do around here. I hope you never leave - we could use someone like you. Thank you for doing what you do and for reaching out directly. For understanding the bigger picture. So much love to you, my friend.

@queensonjas - I feel like you always understand what I’m trying to say even if it makes zero sense. Thank you for making me feel like a little bit less of a lunatic. Thank you for always including anyone and everyone. This place can be so ostracizing - thank you for never letting that happen, especially during this mess. I appreciate it more than I can say.

@riffraffrouge - I intentionally left this one last to write because I didn’t know how to put it into words, but I’ll try. Melissa, if I am grateful for anything that came from this disaster of a place, it’s you and your friendship. I had no idea that anyone on Earth loved both the Yankees and the Duchess of Cambridge the way I do... let alone someone who lives less than an hour away. When I made this blog six years ago, I didn’t think I’d get anything in my real life out of it. Fortunately, I was wrong. Thank you for everything you are and everything you do. For your kindness and for reaching out to anyone and everyone who needs a friend. For your enthusiasm (in everything) and for your willingness to speak, engage, learn, and teach. For freaking out with me when we signed Gerrit Cole and Brett Gardner. For laughing at the future of the Houston Astros and the Boston Red Sox. For never, ever, ever judging, especially for my hysterics during the split. Generally, for being the sweetest person on the face of the planet. There are no words, but I think (hope) you know. I’m so thankful that you’re you. Let’s get brunch again soon. I love you so so so so so much ♡

@rosegirl1416 - Another person I’ve never spoken to until the split. Your comments have not gone unnoticed, dear. Thank you for your patience and understanding. For your positivity and for the light you bring to this community. I’ll never forget your reply to one of my posts, telling me to breathe and take my time with getting back to everyone when I was in the middle of an outright breakdown. I needed to hear it. I really appreciate your kindness and generosity and humanity. This place lacks that kind of substance a lot of the time, but you don’t.

@will-make-more-mistakes-tomorrow - Your presence has not gone unnoticed, my friend. I see you day in and day out and I appreciate you so much. Thank you for your involvement, your generosity, your interest. It is rare to feel so seen and heard but you make it effortless. We all need someone like you in our corner. Thank you.

--------------------

I’m not sure when my activity level will pick back up again. Writing this whole thing over the past week has been extremely therapeutic, so maybe it’ll be sooner rather than later. I know I have a ton of unanswered messages, both in my inbox and in my personal messages. I know I owe answers, especially to many of you tagged above, and I promise they will come. I’m still feeling so overwhelmed with this place and with the new status quo of following and loving the British Royal Family. I’m still furious at the situation and I’m still so, so, so damn sad.

I still care for them, and I always will, but the allure and luster of following the royals has dulled significantly for me now that half the people I care about aren’t working for the family anymore. I’ve tried to get into other families, other royals, and I just can’t. It’s William, Kate, Harry, and Meghan for me, is and will always be. With half of them on the other side of the globe... what else am I supposed to do, you know? How do I keep this thing going? I’m not sure, but right now, the hole is just too big for me to actively work through it. Maybe the weight will lessen as the new norm becomes old news, but for now... the absence is just too big. It still hurts too much. I can’t bring myself to get excited over the future for them right now because it just hurts way too much. Ultimately, I’m happy for them, but I’m not happy about it. I’m not excited to see what the future holds because it isn’t what it used to be. I still adore them both, but right now, the excitement that many Sussex fans are feeling about the prospect of future projects is foreign to me. I hope that changes, but for now... I’m just not into it anymore. I’m just not. Not the way I used to be. It breaks my heart, but it’s the truth. It just doesn’t hold the same magic for me anymore.

What was the point of me writing this mammoth essay? A few reasons, I guess. I first wanted to acknowledge my comparatively lackluster activity since the final statement was released. I wanted to acknowledge that I know I owe many of you answers, and I wanted to promise that they are coming - because they are. I wanted to acknowledge specifically the people who reached out to me during the events and days leading up to the final statement when I made it loud and clear that I was not coping well. I wanted to be perfectly honest about what I’ve been feeling, about the heartbreak and disappointment and feeling lost and alone. I wanted to recognize my reasons for taking a step back and the reasons for my diminishing interest in covering the royals... despite the fact that I’d never thought that day would come.

Mostly, though, I wanted to acknowledge the completely toxic culture that is associated with this fandom. Many people have written pieces about how our little niche of the Internet is the worst one to be in, and on January 8th, for the first time, I really felt it. The way people treated each other was not right. Period. We’re all culprits, but most people make an effort. Some people do not, and it infiltrates the entire place. There are real people with real feelings - yes, even about these royals that we do not and never will know - behind these blogs. If you’re not thinking about how what you’re writing would come off if you were saying it out loud instead, then you’re not doing it right. We can differ without being cruel. We can have a conversation without slinging accusations. We can be civil in the face of differences. The mute, block, and blacklist functions are there for a reason. Use them. If you don’t like what someone has to say, then make sure it can’t come across your dashboard. If you’re going to react, do it fairly. Things are difficult enough in this world without having a space that’s supposed to be fun and interesting become a dark cloud over your day. If this isn’t fun for you anymore, then maybe think about why. And do whatever you can to change it. This is your space. You and you alone have to make sure that it stays positive, or else it won’t.

I’ve unfollowed 16 blogs since the split. 97 to 81. My blocked list is double that. I’m not thrilled about it, but this needs to be about me, just like your space has to be about you. I truly believe that’s the only way to keep this fun for everyone. This isn’t enormously fun for me anymore, but it doesn’t need to be that way for everyone. If you don’t like reading something, make sure you can’t read it. It’s really that simple.

Anyway... I’m sorry for the long post. I really am. If you’ve stuck around this long, then I seriously applaud you. Thank you for caring about what I have to say and the way I’ve been feeling. It really helped to get this all out in writing. I’m hoping I’ll be back to normal soon. I love you guys, you know that. I really do. And I love them still - aggravating as they may be. I’m hoping this feeling doesn’t last forever, because I’m not done here just yet. I’m not ready to throw in the towel on six years. But it might be a little bit before things go back to normal around here for me. Thank you for understanding, and thank you for caring about them, and about me. I love you guys endlessly ♡

59 notes · View notes

gotbts7fics · 4 years

Text

Positive | Six |

| Five | July 2018 (2) | Seven |

The show started with a bang, everything was amazing, just like always. Jaidyn couldn’t contain herself, standing on the seat so she could see better. She danced and sang her little heart out. Enjoy every minute of the show. You took so many pictures and videos of the man your heart yearned for. Making sure you turned your face slightly whenever he would look towards your section, which you felt was far to often for personal comfort.

As the show ended and the arena began to clear, you remained seated for a minute, to fully process your feelings. On the inside you were emotionally broken, JB was so close, yet so far. You were sure, had you found a staff member that you recognized, you would be able to get back stage. Yet, you didn’t bother to look. You wanted nothing more than have JB forget you, to live happily, be that with someone else or not, you just wanted him happy. There was no way he would ever forgive you for you leaving, and if he did, he would never forgive you for hiding a child, his child, from him. You had sealed your fate with him when you jumped on that plane and left a year ago.

“Miss, you need to leave” A security guard said behind you.

“Oh, sorry, we’re leaving” You said facing the security guard before grabbing Jaidyn’s hand and walking towards the exit. You didn’t notice the securtity guard reaching for his radio and murmur something to the person on the other side.

It was already past eleven as you exited the arena. Instead of going straight to the hotel like you should have, the two of you deciding to find a McDonald’s for some nuggets seemed like a logical thing.

[23:41] Owen: You’re fucking nuts for walking around this late with her. Please come back… now…

[23:41] You: Oh shut up. We’re like 4 blocks away. I will call you if the boogie man shows up.

[23:42] Owen: Urgh why do you enjoy worrying me. Please come back.

[23:42] You: Okay.. okay… We will be there soon, keep your pants on.

Jaidyn and you walked around, not finding a McDonald's and settling on a sausage vendor. Walking back to the hotel you couldn’t help but feel like you were being followed. Chalking it up to Owen putting the notion in your head that it was dangerous, you hurried to the hotel, easing your nerves as you walked into the lobby and headed towards the elevators.

JB was sitting with some of the other members backstage still. They normally waited an hour after the performance to pack up and shower before returning to their hotel. He was feeling exhausted from giving it his all tonight. Once or twice he could have sworn he saw you, but with so many fans and lights he wasn’t sure. He just kept looking in the general direction he thought you were in.

“Hyung, did you see her?” BamBam asked.

“No, well I’m not sure. I think maybe?” JB said, looking towards the younger man.

“Guys, look at this…. omg!” Mark yelled from across the room. JB and BamBam rushed to where he was sitting, looking at his twitter page. Right there, on Mark’s sister’s twitter was a tweet from you, a picture of Jaidyn in her GOT7 shirt with a message that read “All ready for the GOT7 Concert”.

“She really came!!!” BamBam screamed with a smile ear to ear.

“Wait, I have a notification from her…. she tweeted me!” Bambam said as he looked at his phone. It was a picture of Jaidyn again, in a BamBam sweater. You had rarely used twitter before, but tonight you had sent out a few tweets. BamBam noticed that he was getting multiple notifications from the picture.

“People are trying to get me to notice the picture… We noticed fam…” He said smiling. JB was looking at the picture of his phone when he heard his own go off. Grabbing it from his pocket and turning it on he clicked the message from his manager.

[23:45] ManagerHyungnim: Marriott Hotel, literally beside the arena.

JB took a sharp inhale, causing Mark to look at him.

“What is it?” Mark asked, concern etched on his face.

“They found her hotel” JB replied, still staring at his phone.

“Are you going to go?” BamBam asked softly.

“I don’t know… What should I do?” JB looked up, his heart was telling him to go, run out right now and go. However, he did have logic, and logic said it was almost midnight.

“Go, you’ll regret it if you don't” Mark said. JB looked at him, his heart beating a mile a minute, then nodded and took off. Google told him the hotel in question was a five minute walk from the venue. He figured if he ran, he could make it there in two. So he ran as fast as he physically could, gasping for air as he entered the lobby and approached the front desk.

“Hello sir, how may I help you this evening” The lady asked.

“My girlfriend is staying here, Y/N Y/L/N, which room is she again?” He asked, hoping they didn’t find him odd and ended up escorting him off the premises. The lady did a quick search on her computer.

“Room 516, elevators are to your left” JB nodded a thanks and quickly walked in the direction she pointed, getting into the elevator and pushing your floor. He felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest at any given moment. Stepping out onto the fifth floor and turning towards the direction of your room, JB walked cautiously, scared that this may all be a dream and he wasn’t about to see you for the first time in over a year. When your hotel room appeared in front of him his heart skipped a beat. You and Jaidyn were situated on the other side of this heavy wood door. He continued to stare for what seemed like forever at the numbers. Willing his hand to knock, but something kept stopping him. What if you had moved on, what if you didn’t remember him, no wait that’s stupid you don’t forget a three year relationship. His mind was going a mile a minute. That’s when he heard it, Jaidyn’s giggles and a mans voice. A man was in your hotel room with his daughter. Logic told him you were a grown woman, you could do what you want. Emotions told him to lose his temper, so he banged on that door so loud until someone opened it.

Jaidyn was reenacting all the things she had seen at the concert, laughing and having a great time telling Owen.

“Wow, Jai, you had a lot of fun didn’t you. Did you see your Appa, I bet he misses you so much” Owen smiled at her.

“I saw him… but I didn’t get to talk to him” She replied looking down, a little sadness forming on her face.

BANG BANG BANG

“What the fuck…”Owen said looking at Ayla sleeping in her playpen then at the door. You stood up and began moving towards the door.

“Stop” Owen said as he moved around you and headed towards the door. After looking through the peep hole he opened the door wide.

“Who the fuck are you” JB seethed out, looking at the man who had opened the door.

“Nice to meet you to” Owen drawled out, eyeing the man up and down. He wasn’t sure how JB had found you, but here he was.

“I asked who you are?!” JB growled.

“Listen, before you jump to conclusions, no, I’m not sleeping with her. Secondly, how did you even find her here”

“Owen who is it?” You asked from inside the room, shuffling nervously.

“Well….” He answered, hearing you starting to move towards the door. Owen held his breath for the minute as you recognized the man standing before him.

Coming up beside Owen you looked towards the person in front of him. Your face paled, your breath hitched and in that moment you hoped that the ground would swallow you up. Standing in the door was the one man you longed to hold but hoped to never see again.

“JB” It came out as a whisper, barely audible, but JB heard it loud and clear. The way his name tumbled off your lips made his heart soar. It took everything for him to not rush in and embrace you.

“Appa?” Jaidyn had come to look at the door too.

“Appa!!!!!!” she yelled, running full speed towards him. JB crouched down with arms wide open for her to fly into them. The moment her little arms wrapped around his neck he squeezed her tight, he allowed tears to fall from his eyes.

“Hi baby, Appa has missed you. I’ve missed you so much my beautiful baby.” He murmured into her hair. He stood up with her still in his arms, her little head tucked into the crook of his neck. At this moment, everything in the world was right for JB. He had his little girl in his arms after a year. She was taller and heavier, but still his little girl. He was so wrapped up in the moment that he barely registered your face draining of any colour it had left as a baby cried within the room.

“Mommy, Ayla is crying” There, it was addressed. JB looked towards you, confusion and pain written on his face.

“Ayla?” He asked.

The crying became louder, wailing at this point. Owen looked towards you, then back to JB.

“I’ll go” He squeezing your arm before turning and walking into the room.

“You had a baby?” He asked, pain taking over his joy he felt moments ago, staring at the back of the man who just touched you in front of him.

“Yes” You weren’t going to deny the fact, that the beautiful baby existed.

“You’re with the father? Is it Him?” His words were laced with venom, jealousy was taking over slowly, you were supposed to have his baby. You were supposed to marry him.

“She is my daughter. My personal life is not up for discussion. Why are you here? How did you find me?” You asked hardening your feelings. JB put Jaidyn down, knowing what was about to happen. The air was so thick with tension.

“Baby, go inside. Maman and Appa need to talk for a minute.” He kissed her forehead before she ran off into the room. You stepped into the hall and closed the door behind you.

“Does it matter, I’m here now. I want answers” He shifted on his feet glaring at the closed door behind you.

“I don’t have answers.” You glared back at him.

“Why did you leave me?” He looked right into your eyes.

Silence. This only irritated JB more, he was losing control of his emotions.

“Who’s baby is that? How could you have a baby so quickly after you left me?! Did I mean nothing to you?!” He was trying to be quiet, but anger was getting the best of him. He stepped forward to be inches away from your face.

“It’s none of your business.” You calmly stated as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Why are you shutting me out? Why can’t you answer anything?!” He said, throwing his hand in his hair and gripping it tightly, pacing back and forth.

“I told you I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m sorry.” Averting your eyes, praying he wouldn’t see through you. Your heart breaking and wanting nothing more than to be honest with him.

“Y/N please. Please…..” He was begging. He reached out and grabbed your arms, hoping that the contact would help you remember the love you had for him.

“JB, it’s not up for discussion. Go back to your hotel” Stepping out of his touch. His temper flared at that, you were being cold and rude, and he was not in the right mind set to take it.

“Fine, but I want to take Jaidyn for the night.” He seethed, all previous compassion leaving him.

“Do you think that’s wise. Really?” JB’s anger finally boiled over at your question. “Listen, you took my child. No fucking explanation. You fucking owe me this. I have missed my daughter for a whole year because you’re a selfish fucking bitch. You clearly have no regard for me. Since you hopped onto whoever’s dick you met the moment you came back and got knocked up! So fucking let me have my kid for one night. Seeing as I will probably never see her again since you have no fucking decency to let me be a dad” He glared down at you.

“Fine, what time do you want me to pick her up tomorrow” You glared back at him, accepting his accusation. You knew he loved Jaidyn, you knew he could take care of her. There was no reason to deny him her.

“I have to be at the airport by twelve” He stated.

“Which hotel are you staying at” You gave up the staring contest and looked away, opening the door you found Jaidyn still awake watching tv, while Owen was holding a sleeping Ayla on his chest. JB followed you into the room.

“Baby, want to come sleep over at Appa’s hotel” He asked, glancing towards the sleeping baby.

“YES!!!!!!” She jumped up, grabbing her bag and rushing to him.

“It’s almost one am, you’re letting her go this late?”Owen spoke up, looking at you.

“Listen, I don’t know what relationship you have with Y/N but that is my kid and to hell if you think you have a say in this” JB growled out.

“Look man, calm down.” Owen started shifting, placing the baby on the bed and ready to get up. JB started advancing forward towards him.

“Hey, look.” You stepped in between the men putting your hands on JB’s chest.

“Jaidyn is ready to go. We will pick her up from you tomorrow” You said looking up at him.

“Appa, I’m ready!” Jaidyn grabbed his hand. JB gripped it tight while turning towards the door.

JB arrived back to his own hotel with the little girl sleeping soundly on his shoulder. Within two minutes of picking her up after she complained of being tired, she had fallen asleep. He still never got tired of carrying her. After walking into his hotel room he gently placed her on the bed and heading to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Midway through brushing there was a knock at the door. Hesitantly he went to open it.

“HYUNG YOU’RE BACK!” Jackson yelled as the other members stood outside his door.

“Shhhhhhh!” JB let out harshly. “Jaidyn is sleeping”

“WHAT!? She is here?! OMG Let me in” Bambam squealed.

“No guys. I just want to go to sleep right now, and she needs to sleep. We will get together for breakfast okay?” JB looked at his members.

“Sure, see you in the morning” Mark said with a smile as he ushered the other members away. JB returned it and shut the door. Finishing his teeth he went and crawled beside his little girl, tucking her into the covers. He couldn’t believe how beautiful she was, how much she had grown. She looked like you, had your eye shape, nose and pouty mouth. He had missed so much and now it was inevitable he may never have the time with her that he truly wanted. Sighing he closed his eyes and fell asleep, exhaustion taking over.

“Come on, lets talk about last night Y/N” Owen was prying. The two of you were sitting at a table in the hotel’s restaurant having breakfast, Ayla happily eating little bits of scrambled eggs.

“I’m fine” Taking a bite of toast and avoiding his eyes.

“You’re not fine”

“Am so.”

“Stop lying to me! Jesus, it’s okay to not be fine. It’s okay to be upset.” He was getting frustrated with you.

“Can you pick Jaidyn up? I don’t want to see him again” You mumbled out, looking towards the baby that was babbling beside you.

“Yes, but you need to promise to talk to me later” You looked down towards your breakfast, losing your appetite. It hurt, everything hurt right now.

“Sure. I’m going to take Ayla upstairs to the room. I will see you later” You grabbed your baby and went back to the room, hoping to nap away this nightmare.

“Appa!!! Appa!!!” Jaidyn bounced around on the bed, waking JB up. JB smiled, he missed the way she used to wake him up.

“Good morning baby, why are you up so early? You had a late night” JB smiled, with one eye barely opened.

“Are the oppas here? Can I see BamBam oppa?” She beamed landing on her knees beside him.

“Ahhhhhh, really. You still like BamBam more than Appa?” Sighing as he pulled out his phone and sent a quick message to the group chat anticipating his members to come running as soon as they read it.

“Are you hungry?”

“Yes!”

“What would you like?”

“Can we have pancakes?” She asked with the biggest doe eyes she could muster up.

“Of course baby” JB chuckled, he was wrapped around her pretty little finger and would do absolutely anything to make his girl happy.

JB’s room had turned into a chaotic and loud hang out once the members had woke up. Each one rushing towards his place to see Jaidyn. Now there was laughter, and music in his room, everyone being extremely happy. In the midst of the chaos someone started banging on the door. Jackson being the closest went to answer it.

“Hello, who are you?” He asked the taller man standing in front of the open door.

“I’m here to pick up Jaidyn, but first I need to speak to Jaebum” Owen said.

“Uncle Owie!” Jaidyn ran into his arms when she saw him.

“Hi baby” He said kissing her forehead. Every other man in the room grew stiff and approached the door, all seemingly wondering who this man was and why was he so close with their Jaidyn.

“Why are you here so early?” JB gritted his teeth upon seeing Owen.

“Look, I want to talk to you….. alone” Owen shifted his gaze to Jaidyn’s head before looking back at JB.

“Fine, you guys watch Jaidyn. I’ll be back shortly” He huffed, exiting the hotel room and following Owen. He wanted answers, and this man was going to give them to him.

“So should we follow them?” Youngjae asked.

“Absolutely…. not.” Jinyoung sighed.

“We will hear about it after. Let him talk it out, lets enjoy our time with Jaidyn” Mark said, returning to the giggling girl who was jumping on the bed.

JB led Owen to a table at Starbucks in his hotel lobby.

“So what do you want?” JB was trying to control his anger.

“Look, I don’t know why you feel the need to get defensive. I am here out of good will” Owen sighed.

“Sure, you seem mighty cozy with my girl–, my ex-girlfriend. Playing fucking dad to my child, sleeping in her hotel room” JB growled out, anger bubbling ever so slightly.

“Okay, you know what. Go fuck yourself. One, I’ve known Y/N a lot longer than you ever have, and secondly I am like her older brother. I love her and her two girls like they’re my own.” JB scoffed, tongue in cheek, simmering in anger.

“However, I know who has raised Jaidyn the past several years. I know you are who she calls Dad, and I think its amazing that you can love her just as much, if not more than me” Owen continued.

“Good, because she is my little girl, and nobody will take her from me again” JB glared towards the man in front of him.

“I don’t think you deserve her though” Owen let out, turning away from the man you were in love with.

“Excuse me” JB scoffed with clenched his fists under the table.

“I don’t think you deserve her” Owen stated again, shrugging his shoulders and looking out the window.

“Who are you to make that decision, I loved Y/N so much, I did everything for her. She left me. She gave up and left me after three fucking years. With nothing more than a text. So how can you say to me I don’t deserve her” JB seethed out through clenched teeth.

“Exactly. Three years. She stood by you for three fucking years, sacrificed everything and anything normal because she loves you. And all of a sudden one day she just fucking leaves? Are you fucking dumb? Why would she leave you, the love of her damn life…. three years just like that?” Owen was getting angry now, clearly the man in front of him wasn’t as smart as you let on he was.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask her” JB growled.

“Wow, you’re fucking ridiculous.”

“Listen, you’re wasting time I could have with my kid. Leave, come back later” JB stood up from the table, ready to return upstairs.

“Ayla is yours.” Owen said looking into the mans eyes. JB paled instantly, sinking back down into his chair.

“What?”

“The baby, she’s yours. Y/N didn’t want to wreck your career. She didn’t want to cause a scandal and ruin your life. She didn’t mean to get pregnant, but she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of the pregnancy. So she did what she felt was the best for both of you. Ayla is yours.” Owen returned to looking out the window.

“Wha–…” JB lowered his head into his hands, trying to process this information. Before you had left, had you changed? How could he not notice. Granted he had been out of country and very busy when he was back in Seoul. You were moody, sure. Had you looked different? Not really, but you always wore sweaters. Even during sex though you had looked the same.

“It’s not. She didn’t look or seem different.” He mumbled into his hands

“Well she is. And Y/N is going to kill me, but I don’t care. You deserve to know. You deserve to be a father to both of your daughters. And I hope, for the sake of Jaidyn’s heart, you continue to love her just as much as you will love your biological child.” Owen’s rough accusation of not loving his daughter didn’t go unnoticed by JB.

“How dare you, how dare you fucking think that my daughter would mean anything less to me because you’re claiming I have a biological child.” JB snapped his head towards Owen. Anger flashing in his eyes.

“Look man, those girls are my life. Obviously I am going to protect them” Owen shrugged.

“What the hell kind of man has she said I am for you to speak so lowly of me” JB had finally had enough. It was bad enough that this dude just walked in and delivered a bomb shell, but to also accuse him of not loving his kid, not cool.

“She hasn't” Owen said looking him in the eye again.

“What?”

“She has never once spoke bad about you, ever. She has cried herself to sleep many nights scared that if anyone found out she had your baby she would wreck your career, and your members. She has put her everything into being a single mom, never once being angry at you for not showing up. She has only spoke high praises of you, even going as far as taking all the blame when Jaidyn was upset for coming back to Canada. She hasn’t dated anyone, yeah, I know you’re dying to know that too. She has only talked about how she loves you, and you deserve better than her. So, before you get all pissed off at her. Think of it from her perspective. Think about what she fucking sacrificed for you. She still loves you, you know.” Owen was growing angry at this point too, but he knew that he could only do so much for you. This was all for you. To help you gain the happiness you deserve, whether the man in front of him stepped up or not, this needed to be done for you.

“Here” Owen threw a piece of paper on the table.

“What is it?” JB asked, eyeing the paper suspiciously.

“Your chance to start over”

[AUTHOR’S NOTE: I hope this has cleared up some misunderstandings about Owen. He really is an amazing dude]

#Positive Update #got7 #got7 x reader #jb x reader #got7 pregnancy au

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natsuxlucyfanfiction · 5 years

Text

Superhero Part 3 (nalu fanfiction)

Yo so what’s good, this is Superhero Part 3 but like...what I wanted to write is a longer idea which in no way I could have written with one post. So basically there’s gonna be a part 4 and possibly a part 5. If you read this and think, “wait, how is this related to Superhero?” it’ll all start to make more sense with the upcoming chapter(s).

*********

“Congratulations, your highschool days are officially over! Please leave already!” Everyone’s graduation caps flew up as people cheered with excitement, joy, and jubilation. The caps came down in a flurry onto the ex-students. The celebration continued, everyone too caught up in the moment to make a complaint.

Lucy and I did our secret handshake to celebrate while everyone screamed and hugged and cried and leapt for joy. Through our entire lives, we always knew it would happen one day but now it was real. Neat, I guess.

“We did it, we did it, we did it,” Lucy chanted jovially with a sing-song tone. She was the fourth in our class.

“We did it,” I nearly wept with relief.

“This is the start to a whole new chapter of our lives!”

“tHiS iS tHe sTaRt tO a wHoLe nEw cHaPtEr oF oUr LiVeS,” I mocked her. “Lucy, you realize you’re gonna wake up tomorrow and you’re gonna feel zero different and then feel dumb for acting all cliché at your graduation.”

“I hate you!” Lucy whined, hands on her hips. “Why can’t you just let me enjoy the moment for once?”

“What moment? We’re graduating! Why are we all pretending that we liked school? You know how many times I’ve heard people complain about this dumb place?” Giving her a hard time was the best. Her nose always scrunches up and she thinks she looks intimidating, which makes it like 10 times better.

“You are literally the worst, you’re making me want to move to Crocus more and more by the second,” she joked. Freaking Crocus.

“You think you’re soooo much better than me now since you’ve been accepted into Crocus University.”

“No, of course not! Just because it’s the second most prestigious school in the entire world and is extremely hard to get into especially with a scholarship like mine, doesn’t mean that I’m gonna flex that privilege.”

“Very reassuring, thanks,” I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. It’s not even the best school, it’s the second best. I don’t know why she cares so much. She should just stay here.

“You’re just salty that in less than two months I’m moving hours and hours away,” she said again to tease me, but she wasn’t wrong. There are good universities nearby. Sure, attending Crocus University was a great opportunity for Luce, but she’s leaving everything behind. Even me.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe when you’re gone I can finally get myself a girlfriend,” I said.

“That’s as likely as you attending Crocus University,” Lucy giggled. “It’s the second best university in the entire world, just a quick reminder. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m going there.”

“All bow for Lucy Heartfilia!” I’d miss our little banter.

“You’re kinda right though, I’m over this. Wanna go get wings?” Lucy was bouncing up and down with her typical boundless energy. She’s always so excited and full of happiness.

“Tonight, we eat ‘till we drop.” We bumped fists and left graduation in my truck. I gave her the aux cord and hoped she wouldn’t play trash. To my great fortune, the sweet music by Queen flooded my ears. Lucy grabbed the fake microphone we always kept in the back and began singing along.

“Get your party gown and your pigtail down

And get your heart beating baby

Got my timing right, got my act all tight

It’s gonna be tonight my little school baby”

These are the moments I’ll miss. Her next to me, carefree and happy. It’s not like she’s dying, I don’t know why this is affecting me as much as it is. There’s social media which will keep us connected. And she’ll be happy there. She’s been nothing but excited since the second she read “Congratulations!” on her acceptance letter. I spent all my time hoping she would make it in, so I was surprised by how much my stomach dropped when she read the letter to me.

I need to forget about it right now and savor the time I have left. I sped up, way over the speed limit, and lowered the windows. The wind blew through our hair as we both blurted the lyrics to the next song, Hot Blood by Kaleo. I looked cool as heck, but Lucy’s hair flew in every possible direction because it was so long.

Life is good.

-------------

The airport was freaking huge. It took us forever to find Lucy’s terminal. Maybe this was a sign that she shouldn’t go to Crocus. Stop being selfish, Natsu! I kept reminding myself.

“Flight 442, first class passengers please board.” That was Lucy’s flight. Soon they’d call for coach or economy class, whatever it was called.

“This is actually happening,” Lucy said with an out-of-breath tone. After months and months of excitement, it seemed as if reality just hit her. She looked pale and shaky. “Natsu, I can’t go, I’m not ready-”

“Lucy.” I took a deep breath. “Your dreams are coming true. No one ever feels ready to leap into a new era of their life. It’s the few who leap anyway that are the ones who live their happy lives.” I looked in her eyes and saw the same nervousness that I felt. “This is what you’ve always wanted. There’s nothing more that I could’ve wished for than this opportunity for you. I 100% think that this is a great idea.” I 100% want you to stay home, Lucy. Please don’t listen to a word I’m saying.

“You tryna get rid of me or something?” Lucy laughed while wiping unshed tears from her eyes.

“Am I making it too obvious?” I joked along. Of course I don’t want to get rid of her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that she’s going and about to live her dream. I just... wish I could be a part of it.

“Flight 442, economy class passengers please board,” the annoying flight attendant announced.

“That’s me,” Lucy whispered with a soft smile on her face. She wrapped me into a hug, squeezing tightly. I hugged her back, knowing this was the last one for a long time. Be happy for her, Natsu. Be supportive, stop thinking about yourself. It was our last moments in person together for who knows how long yet I was silent. I couldn’t think of what to say. Think, Natsu! Come on dude! She pulled away from the hug and I saw more unshed tears in her eyes. I knew she wouldn’t cry here, but the second she sat down in that plane she’d let the tears fall loosely.

Lucy picked up her carry on and pulled out her passport and ticket for the attendant to check. I just stood here and watched her like some creep as she waited in the line. Finally, she was about to go through the gate, I think it’s called, when I shouted out:

“Goodbye, Little Luce!”

She turned around and smiled, a gorgeous smile I’d never forget. “Goodbye my Superhero!” Lucy called out with no shame. She was probably too far away to notice the tears streaming down my face.

The plane left 20 minutes ago, but here I was still at the terminal, as if somehow the plane would turn around and she’d come back running into my arms. A boy could dream. It felt like I was mourning Luce, but she wasn’t leaving my life permanently. We’d still talk everyday.

I drove to my apartment. Usually I’d play some sort of music to fill the silence, but today I just wanted the quietness. Both in the car and at my apartment I just contemplated. What would life look like without Lucy?

A week later I’d start learning at some Automotive school nearby to become a mechanic. I’ve already been working on cars for years so it won’t be too much of a challenge.

I grabbed the remote and switched on Netflix. After a bit of scrolling, I found out all of the Indiana Jones movies were on Netflix. “Sweet!” I selected Raiders of the Lost Ark then grabbed blankets, snacks, and drinks for Lucy and I. It was only when I got back to the couch that I remembered Lucy wasn’t there anymore. Force of habit, I guess.

Man, getting used to this is gonna be tough.

———-

*9 months after graduation, 7 months since Lucy left*

The thing that surprised me the most was that I was actually learning a lot in school, I thought I knew everything. A mechanic at the nicest shop around took me in as his assistant. My schedule was full between school and the shop. When I get my certificate in a year and a half, I’d begin working there full time.

Lucy and I used to talk every single day for hours. We‘d constantly text or facetime or snapchat, but both our lives have gotten so busy. We still talk everyday (streaks) but not one conversation hasn’t been cut short due to one of us needing to do something.

“Morning Luce!”

“Good morning! Dude have you seen the trailer for the new Avengers movie?”

“No, it’s out?! I’ll check it out when I get home. Class is starting, I’ll call you later.”

Looking back at these past conversations made me realize how short and choppy they were. That wasn’t either of our intentions but that’s how it was turning out and it just really sucks.

--------

*11 months since graduation, 9 months since Lucy left*

My phone vibrated from the charger when I was watching Brooklyn Nine Nine. I checked it, hoping it wasn’t anything important and I wasn’t called in to work so I could enjoy my day off. It was an instagram notification from Lucy. Apparently she just posted something. After switching my phone off silent, I opened instagram to check it out but was stopped when I got a call from her.

“Sup Luce.”

“Did you see my post on instagram?!” She practically screamed. I turned down the volume a bit.

“You mean the one you just posted literal seconds ago?” She ignored my comment and continued on.

“Check out the post now! Do it! Open Instagram! Like the post so I know you saw it!” I opened up the app and her post was the first one on my feed.

“‘Mark the day, everybody,’” I read, “‘because today is the beginning of Mark and I’s relationship’? Lucy you have a boyfriend?!” She never even told me she was talking to somebody! I know communication has been tough with both of our busy schedules but I didn’t think we were drifting apart so much so that she wouldn’t tell me something like this!

“Yup, he asked me out today. We’ve been talking for a while now, if you know what I mean,” she said with a suggestive tone.

“Congratulations, though I don’t even know who this mystery Mark is.” Making sure to add a laugh so it didn’t look like I was calling her out, I awaited her response.

“If you did know him, you’d love him Natsu. You guys would get along so well.”

“But I don’t know him.” My voice conveyed the frustration that was starting to stir in me, becoming a little louder and more aggressive. Luckily, it was subtle enough for Lucy not to catch.

“Stop being a little wuss,” Lucy joked. “He’s my boyfriend, not yours. You don’t need to know him.” Her tone was so lighthearted, yet I took the words so seriously.

Is that supposed to sting? This whole conversation really just isn’t doing it for me. Not only that, but for some reason now I feel sick too. My gut feels weird. “Well I hope y’all live happily ever after in that dream castle you’d always draw on the back of your tests. Wanna continue this conversation later? I gotta deal with a client for the shop.” I was currently sitting on my couch with a show on Hulu paused.

“For sure, see ya!” And with that, one of the hardest phone calls of my life came to a close. I don’t know how I feel about this Mark guy. Whoever he is, I don’t want Lucy dating him. It’s not my choice, that’s obvious, but I thought she’d at least consult me about whether she should date him. Or, you know, tell me about him! Is our friendship slowly deteriorating? Maybe I’m just thinking about myself too much, or like, being too possessive of a best friend. She doesn’t have to tell me everything. Lucy can do whatever she wants.

I ignored the tight feeling in my chest and continued watching Brooklyn Nine Nine. The episodes passed by but they didn’t register. My thoughts consumed me. Anxiety about my friendship with Lucy just made that already weird chest pain feel worse. I didn’t cry but boy did it feel like I was gonna. Was our friendship dying? All I know for certain now is that I’m the king of overthinking.

***************

As I said earlier, there will be more. Please leave a comment, for real, I legitimately wanna know what’s good and what’s not and how I can fix whatever to make the experience better for y’all.

#nalu #fairy tail nalu #nalu fanfiction #ft nalu #nalu fluff #nalu headcanon #nalu edit #naluzine #natsu dragneel #natsu x lucy #lucy heartfilia #lucy heartifilla #lucy heartphilia #fairy tail #anime #manga #fanfic #friendship #love

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goldeneagle27 · 5 years

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I just wanna remember today for forever, i wanna remember it as clearly as i remember the 6th of February, 2011, the start of this absolutely crazy journey life has taken him on.

I had adored him for a long time by then and 2010 was the absolute peak of my fangirl life, with Felipe being back, Michael being back and him being in Renault, doing great. I had even higher hopes for 2011 and 10-year-old me was crushing on him harder than ever, being embarrassed whenever someone caught me loving him.

That day is stuck with me for forever, i remember logging out of my email and checking the news, seeing what happened to him and my world just going down.

I started praying for him that night and i havent stopped since, praying he would recover and the mental and physical suffering he had to endure would be over. I was still so young and i had no idea how serious it was and how it was not a black and white thing, not a whether he was going to be 100% again or not. I didnt see this spectrum of 'grey' between the black and white, the option of him returning despite having his limitations.

September 19th, 2012, i dont think i had ever been more excited and thrilled then i was seeing him win the first rally he took part in after the crash. I rewatched all the footage we got a billion times, and all the interviews and i was over the moon. I still have a picture on my wall of him and his co-driver celebrating that win and i love that shot.

I grew to love rallying when we started racing in WRC2 and i literally did all i could to get as much info as i could, constantly cursing google translate not producing an understandable translation of the Polish articles. He was heavily criticised and i hated it, he was the best for me and even though he crashed out a lot (understandably, due to lack of experience) and i was absolutely terrified of him getting hurt again, seeing him racing again was the greatest thing ever. I was going through some heavy stuff in his WRC2 year and to be honest, having him inspiring me to fight through it all was huge. I was dealing with some mental health stuff and self-harming and all that jazz and i was relying on idols much more than i probably should have but i didnt have anyone else to turn to. He was always my go-to and even though it sounds silly, i was always able to gain strength from him and from how determined he was.

Him doing a full year in WRC, i dont think i knew back then how huge that was and i know he got such harsh criticism but looking back i know that 1, it was amazing that he did a full year in the top category of rallying and 2, people were overly judgemental of him and i did not like that at all. He did his best trying to catch up with people who had grown up on rallying. He was and is a single-seater-guy, it would have taken him time to reach their level. Even family members were asking me like 'ehh your man Robert isnt doing too great is he? Looks like he isnt coming back is he?' to which i could reply with nothing but silence because i felt like i was losing hope and it was tough for me as well. Him as an idol has been so embedded in my identity for as long as i can remember and me loving him has been such a huge part of who i am and i knew he was never gonna be neutral for me and i was never gonna not root for him coming back and being back to where he belong, being happy.

There were a couple years when it was tuned down due to lack of major news and due to me crushing on real people (which sounds ridiculous but i was too gay to care with my freshly discovered queer identity) but it all came back last year.

June 6th, 2017, him back in an F1 car after over six years, i was shaking with excitement, refreshing all possible pages, watching all videos, saving all pictures and feeling like it was a dream coming true. It was where he belonged and it was where i wanted to see him, all my emotions were back in a blink of an eye and i felt 10, 12 again, fangirling and just being over the moon happy.

I was praying for him to get the Williams seat last year, but more like praying for him to get how he wanted it to be and i cried my eyes out when he didnt get signed, which is yet again ridiculous but he is too significant for me.

I honestly didnt think they were going to choose him this year and i was genuinely surprised but also in disbelief as the rumors started getting stronger. I wasnt gonna believe it till it was official, there was no way i was going to fall as hard again as i did in January but ohh my, today has been such a day.

I didnt want to believe it till it was official and even though i was refreshing this blog about him literally every minute for an hour before the announcement, i still wasnt hyping myself up too much. But i wanna remember how it happened for forever. I was sitting at my desk, doing a Biology paper for school and seeing it was 10 o'clock already (the start of the press conference), i looked at my phone and i had a tumblr notification that somebody posted a picture. I opened it and i saw it was a screenshot of the official F1 instagram profile's announcement of his comeback. I was franctically refreshing everything, shaking and squeaking and crying tears of joy, it was amazing.

The circle is full now and i honestly cannot wait for what is yet to come. He is my biggest idol, my man, my hero and im more than proud to have supported him throughout this journey. He's back.

"Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday

I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes

Im coming home"

#personal

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azrielsiphons · 6 years

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agsadgsdffdl;fg Moe I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK YOU HAVE NO IDEA !!! I literally jumped out of bed when i saw your notification... *cries tears of joy* ; And i'm super super happy you are finishing your fic, i've missed those babes so much ! Welcome back !

Oh my goodness friend you are SO SWEET! Thank you for the kind words

#azrielsiphons replies

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lalka-laski · 3 years

Text

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it? Ermm... some peppers in my cheesy chili burrito yesterday. The healthiest way to go about eating veggies, I know

What was your last Facebook notification for? A like on a photo

What bands have you seen live? Too many to list. I live for shows!

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother: She was born in Belfast & moved to the States when she was 3(?), but spent most of her summers back "home" as a child and teen. This was at the heart of The Troubles in N. Ireland so she has some colorful stories for sure.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13? I couldn't narrow it down to a single event. Unless we count the trauma I experienced that gifted me my PTSD, anxiety, & various other mental illnesses. But I don't want to deem that as "important."

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore? Hm... I definitely had a lot of internalized misogyny growing up, so really any side effect of that. Now I love women, support women, and root for women, instead of shaming them or letting my jealousy overtake me!

What are your plans later today? Blue Barn Cidery! It's a beautiful day to get day drunk :)

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend? See above! Then tomorrow I'm getting brunch with the in-laws & then possibly day drinking round two? Do I have a problem??

Who do you talk to the most? Glenn, with Kathleen as a close second.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old? Welp, I just went to the mall yesterday and was absolutely baffled by all the shit I saw on the racks. That made me feel ancient!

Who is your best guy friend(s)? Sean. And Glenn too, but ya know he's technically more than a friend :P

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I don't mind my complexion but seeing as everyone feels the need to poke fun at it or make snarky comments about it, I guess I'd like to be a touch darker.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? I'd like to say I'd keep it. Scars add character.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nope

Do you think your first love still loves you? He still has feelings for me. Most of which are regrets and "what ifs" so I wouldn't say it's LOVE necessarily but, yeah.

What is something that is “going right” in your life? My beautiful, fulfilling relationship with Glenn. And my equally beautiful & fulfilling relationships with my other loved ones.

When did you feel ready to start dating? Honestly I never felt "ready." Relationships were always scary territory for me.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s? I don't have a pet.

Where were you the last time you made out? Our bed

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? I came close to it yesterday! It's a frequent occurrence for me (and for that I'm grateful)

How do you type your sad smileys? :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house? Nah

What was the last soda you drank? Root beer yesterday

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I got a scuffmark on my brand new sneakers yesterday and Glenn said "Are we surprised? You ruin all your shoes" (To be clear I wasn't offended. He's right! I'm reckless with my shoes because I prefer just being barefoot).

Have you ever had any type of surgery? Yeah, a few minor ones.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent? Umm, not sure

Who was the last person to hit on you? Can we count Glenn?

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to? Answer the phone

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone? Oh boy. Any kind of rejection is hard for me so anything in that realm.

What do you put on hot dogs? Mustard, and maybe some relish or sauerkraut

Ever fallen in the shower? I don't think so? Which is surprising.

Do you think that things will get better? They're fantastic right now but yes, I do see them getting even better than this!

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? I mean, not to my knowledge. But who knows.

What’s your favourite book genre? Realistic fiction/domestic fiction/family sagas

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? Yep

Do dogs like you? Weirdly, yes. But the feeling isn't mutual. Sorry, pups!

Would you say that you project an air of authority? Not even a little bit

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? Nah

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body) One

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes? I live right on one of 'em

Who do you know that had a baby recently? My friend Tori just had a beautiful baby girl!

Do you like Usher’s songs? Yeah, he was pretty iconic in my middle school years. His music takes me back to cucumber melon body spray & glittery eye shadow.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark? It's been too long!

Have you ever ridden a train? Yep, and I love it.

What do you eat your French fries with? Ketchup or mayo

Do you have family problems? Who the hell doesn't?

What’s the last food you ate that was stale? Hmm... chips?

How do you like your grilled cheese? I recently discovered the delicious of adding a little Caesar dressing to a grilled cheese and OH MAN OH MAN.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? This is baking, not cooking, but I made some focaccia bread the other week & really struggled. What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Reading and writing, of course. I was also a big fan of drawing & any other type of craft.

Have you ever been close to drowning? I don't think so.

Have you ever had a panic attack? Mhm

Do you like doing housework? No thank ya

Would you ever get implants? Yeah

Do you own a robe? Several!

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Kathleen

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off? Yeah, I leave no crumb of my pizza untouched.

What was the last song you listened to? Kangaroo by David Gray

Have any of your family members been to jail? Some members of my extended family

Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with? Nah not really.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read? I don't remember but it was younger than average.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most? Didn't I already answer this?

Have you ever had any teeth pulled? Fucking seven. At once!!

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school? Yeah! I always wanted to be an author (and illustratorr, but I scrapped that one).

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? I'm not much of a TV watcher so I can't really think of anything.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military? I'd die?

What is your favorite Queen song? Under Pressure ft David Bowie. Of course <3

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? I go to Canada several times a year so yeah. Though that hardly counts, ha.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you? Yep. But never again.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test? Yep

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do? Daily?

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl? My favorite date days with Glenn are when we stroll Park Ave hitting up all our favorite little shops and bars. We always make a stop at this delicious chocolate shop and stock up on sponge candy, and then we end the night at our favorite Japanese restaurant for ramen & sake!

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once? None I don't think?

What is the reason you’re still alive? My family & friends

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? Yeah

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? Sometimes

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) DANIEL FUCKING RADCLIFFE LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Absolutely

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? Felt pretty damn great actually! I was excited for the day ahead. I didn't even mind the fact that I have to work this morning :)

Do you still tell your parents that you love them? We're not that type of family. We express our love in different ways though, and I'm perfectly content with it.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with? Yeah

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? BOY HE BETTER NOT HAVE lmao

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it? Same as it ever was

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid? Glenn & I went to the food court at the mall and got separate things that we paid for on our own

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income? HAAAAAAAAA no

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits? It's my go-to bedtime reading! I love askreddit, antimlm, amitheasshole, glitch_in_the_matrix... tons more.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? I was the flower girl for my aunt's wedding! I made it all the way down the aisle, then turned around & noticed everyone staring at me and burst into tears. Classic Elizabeth.

Are your parents in good health? Thank God, yes!

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? Not that I'm aware of

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like? I have several cute pairs! But my go-tos are just nightgowns or big tee shirts most of the time.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases? Uh I wouldn't call any of them interesting.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? None!

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Neither really

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like? WOW I am literally wearing press-on nails as we speak. Yes, I'm trash. And yes, I love it.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Both?

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prettyfunkyunorganized · 6 years

Text

Daughter Series - Reaper pt. 2

Aaaaaayyyyyy! Have some Reaper and Sunshine. And a bit of blue balls Doomfist. About 3,700 words.

More Daughter Series: Hanzo, Roadhog, McCree, Reaper, Soldier 76, Genji

Reaper installments: pt 1, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5

masterlist

Something was definitely going on outside, but Reaper couldn’t be bothered. It was Friday evening, he was at home, mostly undressed, and it had been a long week of Talon board meetings. He was not leaving his condo. He just wasn’t. The base could be literally burning down, and he still wouldn’t leave until the flames were at his door. Fuck, he wouldn’t move until the fire reached his god-damned couch! It had just been that sort of day. His phone was flashing and vibrating as if he were a preteen girl who had just been dumped, but nope. He wasn’t going to mess with it. Nope. The damned thing would ring if Sunshine called, but she knew he needed his time alone. She was good about that, because she was the same way.

“Screw it,” he mumbled, taking off his mask and rubbing the sides of his head, “I’m getting in the shower.” For the last week, his body had been acting extra, well, dead. His hair was white and thin, his face was more wrinkled than it should be, and his skin was a disturbing color. The scalding water didn’t feel even remotely warm as it ran over him for the next forty-five minutes. He felt hollow. He missed proper showers. He missed proper feelings.

“I’ll put on some music and clean my girls, that’ll help,” he sighed, setting his shotguns on the kitchen table one at a time, holding the towel around his waist. “Nothing like polishing weaponry in a black, plush towel to make you feel normal,” he snarked. He was lowered halfway into his chair when his cell beeped. Reaper groaned dramatically, then frowned. Beeping meant . . . voicemail? Right? Is that how he’d set that up? He stood again and snatched the small piece of tech.

“Hijo de puta,” he barked as he saw the giant string of notifications. Reaper ignored them all and went right to the voicemail once he noticed Sonya’s name.

“Hey Reaper,” her voice came through the speaker, low and slow, “I dunno if you turned in early or something, but I just wanted to let you know that I am ok. One hundred percent fine.” He began to panic, hunching over as he listened to her. “Totally good,” she said, sounding strained now. Then she burst out coughing and kept at it for far too long, moaning once she’d caught her breath. Reaper headed to his room to find some pants. “Alright, so maybe I’m not completely ok, but I’m not hurt or anything. I got out in plenty of time and Sombra’s here so hopefully she’ll let me crash with her tonight. Yeah? Sombra?”

“I am waist deep in some research, Sunshine. Nobody’s coming in my apartment right now. Not even you,” Sombra’s voice said bluntly. Reaper was pulling on his boots.

“Ugh, fine,” Sonya snapped, “but don’t worry Reaper, I’ll figure something out. Shoot me a text when you get a sec. Later!” And she hung up.

“What the actual fuck,” Reaper growled, pulling on his shirt and slipping into his cloak. The masked fell into place, and he was out the door. He wasn’t in his full armor, and his guns were left behind, so Reaper still felt a little naked, but he had to see his daughter. It was almost dark, but he could see the smoke billowing up from Sonya’s barracks. Reaper shivered and turned into a billowing fog. He was faster like this and could flit through the massive crowd of people clustered around the burning building. It only took him a few minutes to find Sonya. Sombra was standing on one side of her and Doomfist was on the other. She wore nothing but a towel around her torso, and there were way too many eyes gazing at her. Ogundimu’s included.

Reaper materialized next to Sombra and pushed the hacker out of the way. “Sonya, are you alright?”

“Yes, Reaper,” Sonya laughed at him, “I’m ok.” She coughed again, clutching the strip of fabric tight.

“’Bout time you showed up,” Sombra said shoving him. “Your little girl’s place burns down, and you can’t even be bothered to wander the 100 feet from your house to hers?”

“Jodete,” Reaper snarled at her, which only made her smirk in amusement.

“It did take you a while,” Doomfist said with a grin.

Reaper wanted to tell the giant bastard to stop eye-fucking his daughter, but the asshole would only feign innocence and prove annoying as hell. “I don’t have to justify anything to you,” Reaper huffed, pulling Sonya away from Ogundimu. She huddled close to Reaper, trembling in the cold night air.

“No need to get possessive. No harm done. Right, Sonya?” He winked at her and Reaper’s grip on his Sunshine’s shoulder.

“Stop antagonizing him,” Sonya scolded, but her tone was a bit too playful for Reaper’s liking.

“If you insist,” Doomfist chuckled. “Now come, you can spend with me tonight, Sunshine.”

“Hell. No,” Reaper hissed before he could stop himself.

Sonya failed to stifle a laugh and launched into a coughing fit. Someone nearby snickered.

“Her towel almost came off that time,” a lanky man said excitedly. Ogundimu automatically snatched the onlooker up in his mechanized fist and tossed him toward the flames. Not hard, not far enough to actually reach the fire, but enough to make the man yelp and scamper away. Everyone around Sonya took a few steps back. As much as Reaper hated to admit it, he was a bit impressed – Doomfist always managed to get his point across.

“I’m still not going to stay with you, boss man,” Sonya said shaking her head at Ogundimu.

“Why not,” the tall man boomed.

“Because I just don’t feel comfortable with it. You know that. From the many other times you invited me over. Besides, I bet Reaper’s spare pair of pjs would fit me a lot better than yours would,” she said, hinting.

“You’re staying with me,” Reaper said sternly. “It’s not a request. That’s just what’s happening.”

Ogundimu groaned loudly and rolled his head back. “You cannot be serious.” He spoke more to the heavens than anyone else, as if whining to the gods of workplace romances.

“See you tomorrow,” Sonya called out in some sort of mix between sweetness and teasing, nudging Reaper away from the crowd. He happily followed behind her.

Just before they left earshot, Reaper heard Doomfist grumble, “Forty-five years old and still getting cockblocked by a girl’s dad!” It was almost impossible to resist the urge to turn around and flip the other man off while dancing smugly, but he did, instead just looking back at his colleague with a pompous shrug.

Suddenly, Sonya yelped out a frightened noise and Reaper’s focus was back on her in a split second. She was scrambling to readjust her inadequate outfit that was now much lower on her chest. A group of three Talon grunts were cackling in delight at his daughter’s bright red face. Sonya looked like she wanted to retaliate, but she wasn’t about to take her hands off the cloth around her.

Reaper took two long strides and grabbed the arm of the man who had tried to pull off Sunshine’s towel, the claws of his glove digging deep, blood gushing. The offender cried out in pain and fell to his knees.

“Mistake,” Reaper seethed. “Apologize. Now.”

“I’m sorry,” the man squeaked.

Sonya came to Reaper’s side, scowling now. “Pathetic apology! Even a toddler knows you should say what you did wrong when you apologize.”

“Sorry I tried to tear off your top off! Christ,” he whimpered.

“Say it like you mean it,” Sonya said with a deadly smile. Reaper was so proud of her.

“Fucking hell,” he screamed, trying to recoil out of the masked man’s grip. “I am sorry for trying to pull off your towel! I’m an asshole!”

“Yes, you are,” Reaper said matter-of-factly. He turned to Sonya. “You believe him?”

“No,” she snapped, giving the wriggling man a dirty look, “but that’s probably the best we’re going to get, and he’s not worth any more of our time.”

“Your call,” Reaper said nonchalantly before bringing the force of his body down on the small man’s forearm, breaking the bone and leaving it at a jagged angle beneath the skin. The whelp howled in agony, writhing in the dirt. Reaper looked to the others that had been laughing at Sonya. “You mamahuevos are sorry too, aren’t you?” They all nodded and shrunk away.

The dark-clad man put his arm around Sonya again and draped his cape over her. He kept her close as possible as they walked. “Thanks, tuff stuff,” she said once they were alone.

“Of course, mija,” he said softly. “Sorry I wasn’t paying attention back there. I should have – ”

“Don’t worry about it! You more than made up for it by defending my honor like that. He squealed like a rat!” The joy on her face was perfectly ruthless.

“Anytime, Sunshine,” he promised her. They reached his apartment, and he waved her inside. She rushed in, bare feet padding on the floor. Poor thing’s teeth were chattering from the cold.

“There’s a heater on the far side of the room,” Reaper said with a gesture, “I’ll go find you something to wear.”

“Oh thank god,” she said darting to the opposite wall, rubbing her hands together under the warm arm.

Reaper returned in a moment with a pair of his coziest sweats in hand. “You remember where the bathroom is, right?”

“Yeah, thanks. Um, any chance I could use your shower for a sec? My hair was still wet when the alarm went off, and now part of my bun is frozen,” she admitted embarrassedly.

“Make yourself at home, Sunshine. There are clean towels on the shelf by the sink. I think,” he said trying to remember the last time he did laundry.

“Thank you,” she sighed, taking the clothes from him and heading to the bathroom.

“Sonya,” he called after her, just before she slipped out of sight.

“Yes,” she asked worriedly. She seemed rattled tonight, which was to be expected after being forced to evacuate from her home and then getting attacked by a group of pervs, but it still caused a ball of worry to build in Reaper’s stomach. No matter how empty he felt inside, his Sunshine always made him feel a little more whole.

“Have you eaten yet,” he asked. She shook her head. “I’ll fix you something,” he said turning to the fridge.

“Reaper,” she laughed sweetly, “you don’t have to do that. I don’t want to impose.”

He snorted, “Kid, I haven’t been able to eat in weeks. If you help me get rid of some of this stuff before it goes bad, you’ll be doing me a favor.”

“Oh,” Sonya wavered. He could hear the confusion in her voice – he shouldn’t have said that bit about not eating. He should have known better. He just felt so . . . comfortable around her. Safe.

“Go warm up, Sonya, everything’s fine,” Reaper assured her. They stared at each other long enough to make Reaper’s gut churn, but she nodded and disappeared into the bathroom eventually.

“Way to make your kid worry about you after her house burns down,” he growled at himself. “Parent of the year.” As Sonya cleaned herself up, the pipes in the thin walls made their telltale series of hisses, and Reaper began to cook, the repetitive movements lulling him into a calm. It had been . . . ages since he’s made a meal for someone else. The smell of sizzling bacon and the heat wafting from the stovetop were a pleasant change from his usual routine of reading dossiers on the couch or spending hours in front of a screen doing research. Maybe he should invite people over more often. No, not people. Just Sonya.

“So. Much. Better,” his Sunshine said, as if on cue. Reaper couldn’t help but chuckle at the relief in her voice.

“You done shivering for the night,” he asked.

“Jeez, I hope so,” she said pursing her lips. “I don’t suppose there’s a Talon base somewhere in the tropics I could transfer to?”

“Nope,” he said turning on the oven light, “but I think most of the other board members have vacation houses – we could crash one.”

“Ooouu,” she chirped excitedly, “now that sounds like a good time! But won’t you get hot in all that leather and metal?” She jabbed him playfully in the arm before standing next to him.

“Why do you think I’m the only one who prefers to stay out here in this frigid wasteland,” he said gently shoving her back.

“Truth be told,” she smirked, “I prefer colder climates, too. I’d much rather be hidden away in my house with a large helping of comfort food than sweating my ass off at the beach with an overpriced slushy.”

“A girl after my own heart,” he said more fondly than he would have thought himself capable of. His voice hadn’t sounded that soft in years. Sonya’s smile grew, but she said nothing. She could always sense his boundaries like that. Of course, she was usually the one toeing the line of those boundaries, too.

The peaceful moment was broken by another round of coughing from Sonya, shaking her whole body by the end of it. “You alright,” he asked once she turned back to him.

“Yeah, I’ll be ok,” she said hoarsely.

“We should get you to the doctor,” Reaper grumped.

“No,” Sonya all but wailed. “No sick bay tonight! I already had some creep’s grubby hands on me earlier, and I do not want to deal with anyone else’s shit right now.” God damn her pout was cute. And convincing.

“Fine, fine,” he agreed. “Tomorrow morning then. It sounds like you probably inhaled a lot of smoke.”

“That was not my first time in a building fire,” she shrugged, “and I’ve had much worse injuries.”

“You’ve been in other building fires?”

“I’ve always loved smoke bombs, but sometimes they get a little out of hand.”

Her mischievous grin was almost too much for Reaper to handle, but he was pretty confused as well. “You set some place on fire with smoke bombs? Like, colorful, little-kid-friendly, cost a buck fifty at the fireworks store smoke bombs?”

“I mean,” she said going red, “. . . yes.”

He burst out laughing, loud and strong. “Mierda, Sonya! How the hell did you pull that off?!”

“Hey! I am a complex, multifaceted, multitalented young woman! Maybe some of my skills are more useful than others, but they’re still skills! And I was a kid, so, ya know, I was still learning. And sorta reckless.” She looked a bit defensive but was still smiling.

“Ah, Sunshine, my little Sunshine, what I wouldn’t give to have seen that,” Reaper rumbled, still laughing lightly.

“I took down half a block the first time I tried to make my own smoke bombs,” she giggled.

“What,” he reeled.

“Don’t even bother asking,” she said covering her face, “I don’t know how I managed it either, but it was quite the show. Admittedly, I was trying to add a little more ‘bomb’ to the name ‘smoke bomb.’ I guess I got a bit too much kick in the mix.”

“Sonya, you never cease to amaze. Do you still make your own little bombs,” Reaper asked, remembering her performance in a few training sessions. She was a front lines kind of girl, but not irresponsible. With a flick of her wrist, she could destroy anyone’s line of sight and engulf the fight in darkness. It was easy picking for her after that. She was remarkable to watch.

“Yeah, I still make my own grenades. I’m quite proud of them! But enough about that, what are you making? The smell is driving me nuts!” She hovered over the stove, watching him stir the peppers and onions in the pan.

“How do you feel about breakfast for dinner? I’ve been told I make a mean burrito,” he said, peeking in the oven to check the potatoes and bacon.

“Breakfast foods are my one true love, Reaper. Especially when I don’t have to make them myself,” she replied happily.

“Well then, you take a seat, and I’ll bring you a piping hot plate once it’s ready,” Reaper said nodding to the dining area. She turned and saw his shotguns taking up most of the small table. “Oh, uh, feel free to move those,” he said quickly.

“Can I take a look first,” she said flashing a sweet smile.

“Sure,” he chuckled. He could hear her turning one of the impressive guns over in her hands, making curious little noises every few seconds.

“They’re not just the same gun copied,” she gasped. “They’re designed to be mirror images of one another – a pair! A beautiful, badass pair!”

Reaper turned around so he could see her excitement and was surprised to see her holding one of his firearms at the ready. With one arm. No shaking or struggling in sight. He knew she was strong, but it was something else entirely to see his daughter moving his enormous shotgun around with ease. “How’s it feel,” he asked, drowning in pride.

Sonya snorted as if there weren’t enough words to show her enthusiasm. With a precise, calculated movement she grabbed the other gun and pointed them both at an imaginary intruder by the front door. Reaper felt no shame in confessing he would be scared as hell if he saw her aiming at him like that – wet hair and pjs included. She was so threatening and perfect it hurt. “You want to try them out at the range tomorrow,” he asked.

“Really? You’d let me? Sombra said you were somewhat protective of these two,” she said carefully setting the firearms beside her.

“Sombra is a hacker and the single most annoying little shit I’ve ever met. So no, I don’t trust her – not with my guns, not with anything,” he growled.

“She doesn’t make it easy to trust her, I’ll give you that,” Sonya agreed with a laugh.

Reaper finished browning up a hefty helping of food for his daughter and set it before her. “You want some salsa? Sour cream,” he offered.

“I would love some,” she said taking a deep breath of the scent wafting off the burrito. “Gods above! That smells like so good!”

He grabbed the condiments and placed them beside Sonya before taking a seat opposite her. She dug into the burrito almost viciously. Reaper had to try not to chuckle. After a few minutes, she looked back up to him and frowned. “Is it bad,” he asked. “The hash browns might have gotten a little freezer burnt . . .”

“No, it’s delicious, Reaper – crazy delicious – but aren’t you gonna have any?” She looked worried.

“I’m good,” he said simply, hoping to put Sonya at ease.

“Are you sick or something? Should I be concerned,” she fretted.

“Not at all, Sunshine, it’s just a part of being what I am.” He leaned against the table, drumming his fingers awkwardly on its smooth surface.

“Promise you’re alright? Don’t make me go all overprotective on your butt,” she warned, jabbing her fork at him with a scowl.

He laughed, “Sunshine, I’m good! Why on Earth would you think otherwise?”

Reaper had meant to be sarcastic and relaxing, but Sonya took the question too seriously. “Oh I dunno,” she blurted out, “maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never seen you eat or drink or even say you’re hungry! Or maybe it’s because I can see your hands and that is not a normal color for skin to be. Or maybe its because your digits look like little more than skin and bones and peeling flesh. It’s kind of scary.”

The masked man balled his hands into fists before tucking them out of sight. He should have put on the spare pair of gloves after taking off the bloodied ones. Nonetheless, she was right. His exposed body was an unsettling thing to see right now. Granted, he wasn’t always like this, but of course, he was decaying when she needed him.

“Sonya, I promise you, I. Am. Fine,” he began. “Some days are just worse than others. I’m not a normal man anymore – haven’t been for a long time, but I always come out on top. Give me a week, and I’ll be more man than corpse.”

“Corpse,” she repeated shakily.

He let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t worry about it, Sonya, please. I’ll go put on some gloves so you can eat without being grossed out, and then we can move on like nothing’s wrong, ok?” Reaper stood and walked past her toward his room, but she grabbed his arm stopped him.

“Wait a second,” she protested. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m sorry. Poor word choice. I’m not grossed out or anything, and you don’t have to put on gloves.” Her hands wrapped around one of his clammy ones. “Look, I’ve never had any family to worry about, so you’re getting a backlog of freak outs. I – I just want you to be alright.”

“Sunshine,” he murmured softly, squeezing her hand, “there’s no need for a freakout, honestly. This is simply a part of who I am. Sometimes I’m almost normal, sometimes not, but I’m still me. Just a little rougher around the edges is all.”

“Still tuff stuff,” she suggested with a small smile.

His head lolled back as he laughed, “I will always be ‘tuff stuff,’ my Sunshine, I can guarantee you that.” Sonya smirked approvingly and let go of him. “Now eat, mija, before it gets all cold and congealed.”

“’Kay,” she nodded. Reaper sat back down but still kept his hands under his arms, just to be safe. “Can I ask you one more thing though,” she said adding another scoop of sour cream to her meal.

“Fire away.”

“What does ‘mija’ mean? You know my Spanish is pretty awful,” she said, making that face she made when she was disappointed in herself.

“Literally, it means ‘my daughter,’ but it’s more of a nickname,” he explained. “If you get tuff stuff, I get mija.”

Sonya looked entirely thrilled by the idea of her new moniker – he knew she and Sombra had been talking about swapping Spanish lessons for tech upgrades. “I am one million percent ok with that,” she beamed.

Puta madre, she was grinding down his hardened shell much faster than he’d expected. This was going to be trouble. In the most wonderful sort of way.

Additional tags: @watch-your-grammer @winchester-sonsandcastiel

#mine #writing #overwatch #overwatch drabble #drabble #my drabble #reaper #sonya #doomfist #sombra #daughter series

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bie-lovers · 7 years

Text

He Makes You Laugh Like I Never Could

Title: He Makes You Laugh Like I Never Could

Relationship: Dan/Phil and Dan/Original Female Character

Word count: 1836

Summary: The beginning of Dan and Phil as experienced by Dan’s girlfriend.

Excerpt: Phil answered Dan on Twitter, and she couldn’t be happier, because Dan is ecstatic, he’s hugging her and laughing, carefree and loud, like he hasn’t been in a long time, and she smiles and kisses him, she’s so happy for him.

[Read on AO3]

She’s lying in his bed, and he’s at the desk, watching some weird video on his computer as he’s been doing for the past hour, he’s giggling and she just watches him. She watches him as he slowly becomes obsessed with this YouTube thing, she doesn’t really get it, but it makes him happy, and she smiles and kisses him, says she’s happy for him.

Then it becomes this one YouTuber in particular. He’s adorable when he’s fangirling over this Phil Lester guy. She laughs, because Dan is cute with his rosy cheeks and glowing eyes whenever he excitedly tells her about whatever antics AmazingPhil got up to this time.

Phil answered Dan on Twitter, and she couldn’t be happier, because Dan is ecstatic, he’s hugging her and laughing, carefree and loud, like he hasn’t been in a long time, and she smiles and kisses him, she’s so happy for him.

Dan tells her how Phil is beginning to notice him now, single him out, always answering him, when Dan tweets him, and she smiles and kisses him, she’s so happy for him.

When she comes home one day to find Dan already in her room, bristling with joy, and energy practically exploding from him, she laughs and asks what Phil did this time. He doesn’t say anything just smiles, all teeth and stretched out lips, bright joy emitting from his eyes. He turns around and picks up his phone from her bed and shows her that AmazingPhil is now following danisnotonfire, and she smiles and kisses him, she’s so happy for him.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t written back, he did that sometimes, often. It was that he hadn’t talked to her in three days, she had seen him in class, but he hadn’t spared her a glance, his eyes glued to his phone, fingers flying over the screen as a wide smile spread across his lips, and the soft little lines around his eyes deepened.

She doesn’t say anything, but when he stands outside her door, a sheepish smile on his lips, and too straight hair falling in his eyes, she beckons him in.

They don’t do anything that night, they lie in bed but they don’t talk, they don’t touch, the silence of the dark encompasses them in a false sense of comfort. Just before her eyes fall closed to the rhythmic breathing of Dan beside her, he shifts on the bed and pulls out his phone, the light from the screen stark and unwelcome in the soft dark of the night. She sighs and Dan looks up, she feels a spark of something in her chest, like she won somehow, something, but then he grins at her and tells her in a voice breaking with glee that Phil asked if he wanted to Skype, and they agreed to talk the next evening, and his smile is illuminated by the light of the screen, so bright, too bright, and she can’t help the spark igniting something more, and she realizes she didn’t win anything. She smiles and kisses him, she tells herself that she’s so happy for him.

The text is from 4:30 in the morning, it lies there blinking at her angrily, accusingly, and she hoists herself up in the bed and opens the notification from Dan. It’s not a goodnight, or one of those texts where he can’t sleep because his thoughts are too loud, it’s short, way too short, and it doesn’t actually say anything, but the five exclamation points are screaming at her, and she can’t help but think that it’s saying everything.

She texts him back while eating dry cereal, asks him if she’s supposed to understand that as a confirmation that the talk with Phil went well.

Her phone doesn’t buzz again before dinner, and she doesn’t look at it before she’s lying in bed again, the covers tucked up to her ears, a cocoon of makeshift comfort. It’s a picture of Dan’s computer, but a guy with black hair laughing is covering the whole screen and if she zooms in on the little square in the corner, she can see Dan laughing too, his cheeks red and hot, and she suddenly can’t remember ever seeing Dan laugh like that with her. There’s a text underneath the picture, too, but she doesn’t want to look, a heavy tiredness suddenly settling in her limbs, so she puts the phone face down on the nightstand, closes her eyes, the yes!! ^_^ glaring silently down on the wooden surface.

She doesn’t smile until Dan is knocking on her door the next day, an apology on his lips and guilt in his eyes as he clumsily hands her a rose and a heart shaped box of chocolates while mumbling, “I’m sorry, I literally forgot, because I was skyping with Phil until way too late, and then I panicked, but he said I should buy you this and say sorry, so, sorry, and, uhm, happy anniversary, I guess,“ and she is angry with him but not really, so she takes the presents, and she smiles and kisses him, tells him she’s happy that the talks with Phil went well.

She doesn’t notice the shift at first. She can’t pinpoint the exact moment their conversations went from flowing freely between everything and nothing to this chipped, polite thing, where none of them knows where to stand, so they tread carefully, avoiding anything that could hold potential danger. He asks her how her day was, she answers good, and they lift the corners of their lips a little. She asks if he wants to go see a movie, and he says he can’t, he’s saving up, and the corners of their lips fall slightly again. The only times he ever really talks, the silence between them filled with more than three-word sentences, is when he bursts, his mind and thoughts too full to keep inside anymore, and he has to tell her, she’s used to these ramblings, they come often, how the universe is too vast, how life is meaningless, but they’re not the usual ramblings. The universe is still vast, too big to understand, but, somehow, he found Phil, and life is still uncertain, but Phil told him that you can make of it what you want, you just need to have the courage to exist. He rambles, and the floodgate is open now, Phil did this, Phil said that, they’re going to meet up next month, so he needs money for the train ticket that’s why he can’t do much with her right now, sorry, and she smiles and kisses him, tells him she’s just happy for him.

Monday, October 19th. The date is ingrained in her mind by now, a permanent fixture forever carved into her brain.

He can’t stop talking lately, and he tells her how he has bought the train tickets now, how Phil wants to show him around Manchester, he tells her that Phil’s parents won’t be home, so they will be alone in Phil’s house, having it all to themselves, his eyes are bright and happy, he’s not looking at her, doesn’t do that a lot lately, his gaze instead on his phone, on his computer, anywhere that connects him with Phil, and she always just smiles and kisses him, tells him she’s really happy for him.

She says goodbye to him on the train station, their kiss brief, because Dan is distracted, he’s radiating and nervous, and the train comes hurtling towards them with screeching breaks, and he looks at it with trepidation, she nudges him, tells him to go or he’ll miss him, and Dan flinches, glances at her again, and suddenly she realizes that he’s not just nervous about meeting Phil. She feels it, too, now, or maybe she has felt it all this time, but the gravitas of their goodbye suddenly weighs a lot more. She squeezes his hand and doesn’t think about how he doesn’t squeeze back, he’s nervous, and she goes up on the tips of her toes and whispers in his ear that he needs to go now, he turns around then, and she smiles, kisses him again, and tells him that she’s happy for him.

The moment he comes back, she knows. It doesn’t come as a shock, she’s not surprised, deep down she knew where they were headed, the moment she saw the sparks he ignited in Dan’s eyes and the color he painted Dan’s cheeks. It still hurts, though.

The first couple of days after he came back from Phil he spends with her, but she doesn’t think he is actually there, because she has to say his name four times before he registers that he drifted off in the middle of his story about him and Phil going on the Manchester Eye, his mouth frozen in a soft smile. He apologizes, and he begins to tell her about the awesome restaurant that Phil brought him to, but she’s not listening anymore, fixated on the way his voice caresses Phil’s name, and the way his tongue is licking his lips as if trying to taste the remnants of a stolen kiss, and it doesn’t surprise her, but it still hurts.

They keep up the pretense that nothing has changed until Dan’s phone buzzes, and his lips part in a smile that splits open the already existing crack in her heart. A treacherous tear spills out of the corner of her eye, and she brushes it away fervently, but he notices, and his lips turn downward, and his glance turns sad. He apologizes, and she cries. The phone is forgotten for once, she almost laughs, but he’s reaching out to her, and she just can’t do that right now, so she gets up, and then they’re both standing, and she looks him in the eyes and that seems to pull the trigger, he explains, and apologizes, it’s awkward, it’s messy, and they both hurt but for different reasons. He wants to cry, too, she can see it, he wants to, but he doesn’t, can’t, and she knows that, too, so she’ll do it for the both of them. He tells her he’s sorry, that he never meant to do this to her, ever, and she knows he didn’t, but he did do it, anyway, and it hurts her, and he’s leaving, turning his back and opening the front door, and she calls out for him, takes his hand. He stills, turns around but steps outside, his eyes are sad but not teary, and his smile is apologetic but not unhappy, and her heart is breaking, the crack in her chest is opening more and more, and she wants to punch him or collapse against him, begging him not to do this, but she knows which fights to fight, and she knows this is one she lost before she even knew she was fighting it.

Instead she smiles and kisses him, she’s happy for him, she really is.

#phan #phanfiction #Phanfic #ao3 #dan and phil #my phanfic #my post #look mom i’m writing fan fiction

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