#little world of a student

[ellebi-studies]

May 17th 2022

First night in E.R. ✅

#studyblr #student #studyspo #italian studyblr #study #italy #med #university #milan #med school #anatomy #med student #motivation #notes #anatomia #study method #coffee #med motivation #little world of a student #neuroanatomy #rotations #night #emergency #Emergency room #internship #Med school #Med student

[waterghostype]

crusty kid

#baby lloyd would totally be all over capitalistic free to play hiearchal roleplay simulation websites #ninjago #lloyd garmadon #ninjago lloyd #dude i LOVED animal jam it was my life #i rmb the day i got membership the world was revolutionary… then i stopped playing #now im old enough to pay for my own membership #but being a senior high student also means i cant play animal jam #it’s so weird to think im now the age of all the ytbers i used to watch #animal jam drama was truly something else #anyways i love this little shitbaby lloyd #hes so stupid i love him #cant wait for him to experience the horrors #when i first watched ninjago i was confused why lloyd was a baby bc i thought that lloyd was everyone’s fav prettyboy #i initially thought lloyd was totally loyal to evilman garmadon and started off as an actual formidable enemy #though now i want to make an au like that #aphid’s ninjashits

[ryllen]

A question I have just recently,

can Sebek handle spicy?

this is what i generally think of fae.

tho i think,

lilia knows spicy spices from his travel.

even tho in dragon form, malleus breathes fire from his mouth, and fire is hot, it might be like the kind of fire that doesn't hurt him in the first place

sebek father might bring spicy spice from human world with him, but since i think of him as a mellow man, he might not be interested in spicy food in the first place

#honestly it makes me wonder all the nrc students ability to handle spiciness & i wish everyone would start putting them into tiers #twst #twisted wonderland #do i tag this as sebek #i do want to know what others think of him #sebek zigvolt #i think the octas would be very bad at it #but floyd probably keeps on challenging it so he gains tolerance over it #riddle would be very bad with it #ace would be pretty good #but deuce would be a little less #or do u think punk him would dare other punks on spicy food #who would shed tears #who would break a sweat #who would eat like it's nothing #who would wail asking the great seven to take them to the after world #i am just wondering bcs of the rabbit sausage roll in deuce hometown #leona who never lift a finger finally break a sweat from spicy food #who knows we even see tears in his eyes while he endures it silently #can vil stay beautiful eating spicy food #despite his tough claim can epel handle spicy #anyhow do u know there's samyang 1/2 spicy now #that's the only one i can eat without suffering like actually enjoying it #idia i feel like he would wrinkle from spicy food #but what if he is some connoisseur of instant noodles so he had been eating spicy ones quite a lot #my brother always love to see me suffer over spiciness

[ziptie-bouquet]

Capillaries. Myelin sheathing. Microglia.

I love how the game seems to take inspiration from those simplified cell drawings with bright colors and exaggerated shapes.

I love how the devs seem to have used microscopic images as a reference to make their alien world feel more alien.

I love the way the myelin sheathing is on the cables because it makes electric signals travel at a faster speed in real life... Those designs work and don't feel limited by what they took inspiration from.

#rain world #five pebbles #i love my little man and his incurable disease #no but seriously rain world has been living rent free in my mind for years #im not a biology expert im a humble uni student #but its fascinating and beautiful and wonderful #incredible art and i love purposed organisms and just everything the game does feels so beautiful and wonderful #rw

[killjoy-prince]

House M.D. but it's when a character says the name of the episode

#house md #prince's talk tag #flashing #repitition #so as i was watching this show i noticed they'd say the episode title in the episode #so i wanted to see how many times they did it #the people on livejournal who made transcripts of the episodes are my saviors and without them this would of been so much harder to do #thank you all for your service and i hope wherever you all are you're having a great day #sometimes they would use a variation of the word like in the episode poison they would say 'poisoned' or 'poisoning' #i did not include those instances #there was an instance in 'merry little christmas' where they do play the song in the show #but since ella fitzgerald was not a character in the show i did not include it #where as in the episode 'joy to the world' the students are singing it in the concert so i did include that #i apologize for the tonal whiplash when you get to that part but it did make me laugh #one of the times kutner says 'locked in' is overshadowed by the POTW's voice over but i assure you he says it and thats why its in there #out of the main characters from the one who said the title the most to least are #House > Foreman > Wilson > Chase > Cuddy > Adams > Cameron and Taub > Kutner > Thirteen and Park #this took a bit to do lolol its probably been done already but i wanted my own #there is a chance im missing some on technicalities but idc. im fine with this #there are two more i wanna do but with a character saying another character's name but ill do that some other time #EDIT: When I was making this video I was unaware that the Pilot episode went by two names: 'Pilot' and 'Everybody Lies' #Basically everywhere I looked the first episode was only referred to by 'Pilot' #which I found weird bc i remember seeing somewhere that the last episode was paired with the first episode in terms of title #but i couldn't find hard proof so I decided to leave it out at the time #well i checked again last night and yea the pilot IS also called Everybody Lies so I updated the video #I also think it goes well with the fact that House does say 'Everybody Dies' in the finale so another reason to fix it #AND he says it without Wilson while he and Wilson say the title of the pilot sooooo yea hehehehehe

[chuthulhu-reads]

[ID: Two panels from Dungeon Meshi. The first scows Senshi clutching his face as tears start to spill out of his eyes, saying, "I've always... always wanted to have this soup one more time." He's not wearing his helmet in this panel, so his face is unusually visible, detailed and vulnerable. The second panel shows himself as a youngster, surrounded by his old mining team, all smiling at each other, one of them rubbing Senshi's head. Modern-day Senshi continues, "Thank you. All of you. Thank you." End ID.]

Holy shit. I anticipated some tragic backstory from the "I must feed the young ones" panels, but what I'd guessed was that Senshi might have become so devoted to cooking and eating literally whatever because he'd previously survived a famine and had seen children starve to death. I did not expect him to have been the child who was the sole survivor of a doomed travel party, one of whom was determined to feed Senshi first because he was the youngest, and that Senshi has lived with the fear of having inadvertently committed cannibalism by eating stew that he'd never quite known the contents of. I'm happy for him that Laios deduced and confirmed for him that it was griffin meat, that he was able to taste the meal that saved his life once more and remember the friends he lost. Seriously, I'm crying, and also earnestly relieved that while his backstory is pretty dark, it's not the type of fucked up I'd been preparing myself mentally for.

#Dungeon Meshi #Delicious in Dungeon #Dunmeshi #though it IS really worth exploring the ethics of cannibalism in survival situations #The podcast You're Wrong About has a really interesting pairing of episodes #in the Donner Party and Flight 571 Crash episodes #Both about disasters in which people wound up eating their dead to survive #and an interesting connection they drew was that it wasn't the cannibalism itself #that destroyed the lives of the Donner survivors #it was the horror and disgust and societal rejection they got for having eaten human flesh #even the children who had no idea what they were eating were treated with revulsion #and this is clearly the response Senshi feared facing if anybody knew what he'd eaten #But Flight 571 like a century later #the survivors were faced with a lot of understanding when rescued #relatively little condemnation and revulsion #by and large commentators acknowledged that they did what they had to do #and sympathized with how difficult and painful it must have been #which is what Senshi gets from his party #Laios wants to figure out the truth because he knows it's hurting Senshi not to know #But at one point Marcille straight up says that none of them would think less of Senshi if he did eat dwarf stew #Okay so this is Marcille 'ardent student of blood magic' Donato #but Chilchuck agrees #anyway I think that would be a particularly interesting conversation to have in a cooking manga #how do you safely eat a dead friend when that's all you have to survive on? #what are the nutritional benefits other than 'better than starving'? #what are the risks? There's prion diseases and all sorts you can get #they write it off as eating the dragon part but they DO spend seven days eating Falin at the end #ARE there any in/famous cannibalism cases in this world? #Do peopel argue about whether or not it's cannibalism if a dwarf eats a tallman? #enquiring minds (mine) want to know

[luck-of-the-drawings]

DISTRACTIONS sometimes its the drive to help and save our friends that pushes us to learn and to succeed. unfortunately its normally ''unethical'' to replicate that in a classroom setting. I ONLY JUST FINISHED THE LAST PAGE HERE, THE FIRST TWO WERE LITERALLY FROM LAST YEAR, N A FEW MONTHS APART. LOOOOK AT MY EVOLUTION. im very proud of this and bled REALLY HARD FOR THE LAST PAGE. PLEASE ABSORB THIS.

#gillion tidestrider #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #the last page honestly just took super long bc i dropped it for a long while. only recently wiped the dust off o it. #IM RLY PROUD OF ALOT O THINGS ABT THAT LAST PAGE #LIKE THE PERSPECTIVE N THE WIDE SHOTS OR WHATEVER #IT WASNT EASY BUT I MADE IT LOOK GOOD!! IM SO HAPPY WITH IT #I ALSO just really love drawing gillion as soooo small #just a little guy with the weight of the world bolted to his tiny tiny shoulders #n yknow what while im here ill talk abt the first two comics aswell. i like taking inspo from JTHM for this kinda stuff #more specifically SQUEE n the way his dad was just sooo honest and cruel to him. 'yeah its your fault my life sucks' n all that. i imagine #that gillion prolly dealt with alot o that too. i know weve already seen the elders #but i did initially imagine them to be very much like the Tallests from invader zim. they just hate this little guy. hes so small n lame #hes prolly had teachers like that im sure. i like thinkin about gills experience in school!! #i fell in love with him the moment he said that he wasnt good at being a student like girl ME TOOOO WAAAAAA #HE SUCKS In school and everyone is just sooo tired of him but they gotta put up with him bc hes the Chosen One #but GOD they wish they had someone more competent i bet. it was prolly a relief when they banished him #could u imagine being that? someone so insufferable that people sigh in relief when youre gone. poor poor gillion #ANYWAY THATS ALL MY THOUGHTS #TALK ABT UR THOUGHTS IN THE TAGS TOO DIPSHIIITT CMAAAHHNN

[sporesgalaxy]

dungeon meshi is threatening to make me actually put effort into figuring out what id need to do to go back for a masters degree because Laios makes me miss working with other insane biologists so bad

#adddna #laios would not stick out among like most of my biology elective professors and their biology friends #i need you to knownthat. i need you to know theres a whole world out there. of beautiful laios type motherfuckers #i dont know what it is about biology that makes you a little unhinged in this way. freaks me out that not all pre med students r like that

[gxlden-angels]

I cannot express the anger I experience being unable to do anything about anything while Christians salivate over the idea of the Israel-Hamas conflict being a sign of the Rapture

#anyways Free Palestine #Hamas attacked innocent people #The Israeli government is terrorizing innocent civilians that just want the right to live #Jewish people deserve to have land where they are safe to go to if there is another rise in antisemitic attacks in their current home #Palestinians deserve to have their homeland respected and safe for them to live on #All of these statements can be true at the same time #and I say all of this from the safe comfort of the US #I am not the one that you should listen to about the situation. #I am not the one who you should trust to give correct information about what is going on because I get the same information you do #We should be listening to Palestinians and the Israeli civilians affected #And unfortunately the news in the US is based on Christians who want nothing more than to escalate this #They do not want to recognize Palestinians unless it brings about a world war that triggers the Rapture #And I am enraged by it #I know people currently living in Israel #I know students from Palestine #And I am infuriated by christians treating them like pawns in their little Jesus War #These are people. These are fucking people #They are friends and family and lovers and so much more #I genuinely cannot express just how frustrated I am by my inability to do anything as I sit in safety #If you get nothing else from this post please listen to Palestinians and the war crimes they've experienced for decades now #If you get nothing else please listen to Israeli civilians begging for their government to stop escalating this conflict #Please listen to Jewish people and Muslims when they say shit like this increases violence against them around the world #Anyways I'm at the doctor and someone had CNN on and I'm tired #antisemitism tw #islamophobia tw #israel-hamas war tw #rapture tw

[goldkirk]

I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby

#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards #among other things #but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY #I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR #OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE #THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT #why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time??? #just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN #you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough #by attempting to go another route #you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully #and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do #and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY #you fucking DID YOUR BEST #YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER #YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME #it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc #YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME #MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK #if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out #had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier #they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions #instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such #you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive. #isn't that enough? #isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough?????? #god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets #and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go #will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone

[666writingcafe]

The Adventure Begins

Levi's overacting. Again. The only reason it wasn't obvious during the school play was because Simeon kept him reined in. Levi gets excited quite easily, and it causes him to get lost in whatever role he's playing.

I'll have to ask Simeon, but I don't think he intended the Lord of Shadow to act so...dramatically? badly? I don't know how to describe it, really. It just isn't very good.

Unlike MC. I'm not sure why I like their acting better, especially since they're currently matching Levi's energy. Maybe it's because they're intentionally hamming it up. They did mumble an apology to me before they started talking to him, after all, so they must know that Levi's acting isn't the best.

Satan's isn't much better, either. He's not as over-the-top as Levi, but I don't find him convincing as the "villain" of this story. If anything, he'd make a good anti-hero, but Solomon probably didn't want to make things too complicated.

Solomon's not a very good author.

However, I'm choosing to keep all this to myself, because the point of all this is to help MC get their first star. Lucifer, on the other hand, is having a hard time suspending his disbelief. So, I understand why MC told him to shut up. I just hope they're prepared to get their ass handed to them once Lucifer's back to normal size, because while he has a soft spot for MC, he doesn't like being silenced. Messes with his pride.

Speaking of which...the stars.

They represent the seven virtues, which are direct opposites of our sins. For me, that virtue is temperance. Solomon probably knows this, but he may not realize the full extent of my relationship with temperance.

Once upon a time, I was able to control myself and my urges. Until I wasn't. For my brothers, their sin was triggered by specific events; that wasn't the case for me. It just...happened. And I didn't realize it until it was too late.

Now, it's what most people know me for. They think I'm a meathead that only thinks about food. Even my brothers.

Which isn't fair.

Why are they allowed to have complex personalities, but not me? Why can they participate in mentally stimulating activities, while I'm cast off to the side and dismissed as too dumb to understand any of it? It's never made sense to me.

I think that's part of why I like MC so much. They're the first person in a really, really long time that sees me beyond my sin. They actually listen to what I have to say and seem to value my opinion, even if it's not related to food or sports.

Yet somehow, deep inside, I don't fully trust them. I think it's coming from my subconscious. Somewhere in there lives a hurt angel that feels like everyone he cares about will die and leave him behind. And in a way, it's true.

Lilith may have been the only person in our little family that actually lost their life, but my brothers barely resemble what they were in the Celestial Realm. It's weird. They wear the same faces, but they're completely different people. Sometimes, I feel like they're complete strangers, or perhaps taken over by aliens.

Oddly, the one person I can rely on to stay the same is Satan. Then again, he didn't have his own form until we arrived in the Devildom, so this version of him is all I've ever known.

"Beel?"

Shit.

I missed a lot, didn't I?

"Are you okay? You seem out of it."

"I could say the same to you." Why is that the first thing that comes out of my mouth? I sound like a jerk.

MC merely sighs as they sit next to me on the...bed? I take a proper look at my surroundings and realize that we're in a hotel room of some kind. Lucifer appears to be sleeping on the nightstand, using tissues as both pillow and blanket.

"Wanna go first, or shall I?" Interesting question. They don't seem upset at me.

"Your call." MC rests their head on my shoulder.

"Simeon needs my help making an important decision." Their tone indicates something serious.

"With what?" MC sighs again.

"His future." Huh? Why would an angel need a human's help with that? I know that the two of them are fairly close, but still.

"But that's neither here nor there," they quickly add, sighing. "It's not like I can do anything about it now." They glance up at me. "What's on your mind?"

"My past."

"As an angel?" I nod.

"Back then, the only thing that mattered to people was that I was strong. I wanted to be useful, so I decided to become a soldier and fight for the Celestial Realm. Problem was, I had trouble controlling my powers."

"Like I did before receiving the Ring?"

"You know, I hadn't really thought about it until you said it, but yeah. I suppose we have that in common. In your case, everyone had your back, which is good, because I wouldn't have wanted you to go through that experience the way I did." MC sits up and properly looks at me.

"What do you mean?"

"Every time I would destroy something--even though most of the time it was a complete accident--Raphael would make some sort of sarcastic remark about it. I think he started calling me the Hulk at one point, but it was meant as an insult." I pause.

"At least he had the decency to do it to my face. Lots of angels would talk shit about me behind my back. They thought I was too stupid to pick up on it, but I knew. They acted overly sweet towards me whenever I would walk in the room. Condescending, even. It was like I was a dumb kid to them." MC places a hand on my thigh and pats it.

"Sounds depressing," they remark.

"It was. Oddly enough, the one person in authority that didn't treat me that way was Lucifer. I initially thought he was too busy with his duties to really care about much else, but then one day he approached me and started talking to me. We had a legitimate conversation."

"About?"

"He told me to keep in mind that being a Celestial Realm soldier wasn't about attacking--"

"--but protecting." We must have woken Lucifer up. "You had the power to protect everyone--to keep them safe--and that you shouldn't feel bad because you were special. If you learned to control your powers, I'd recommend you to the cherubim and have you serve as a Celestial Realm gatekeeper. You did, and so I kept my promise." Lucifer beckons MC to pick him up and bring him closer to me.

"MC and I may be connected by the Ring of Light, but the two of you have a strong connection as well," he continues. "You're both motivated by the need to protect the ones you love, even if it means sacrificing yourself in the process. Drawing on that similarity is going to be the key to pass Solomon's test."

"Are you saying Solomon knew we had that in common?" MC asks incredulously.

"No. I did. I simply passed the knowledge along to him."

"How long--"

"The rooftop."

"Of Dogi Magi?" I'm glad MC understands what he's referring to, because I'm completely lost. Must have been something I wasn't involved with.

"You knew that Belphie would hurt you if you went against his order to reject me, but you did it anyway."

"I didn't want to lie to you."

"Because that would have meant hurting his feelings." Asmo may have used his powers to pick up on Lucifer's crush on MC early on, but I knew pretty much from the moment they set eyes on each other. Granted, he was more attracted to their soul initially, but who could blame him? It was bright and shiny, even back then. If we weren't under orders to not eat them, then they wouldn't have made it out of the assembly hall alive. Even Diavolo was struggling to contain himself.

Anyway, the point is MC cared enough about Lucifer in that moment to feel the need to protect him.

Just like I felt the need to protect Lucifer after I became a cherub.

MC's going to get their star.

#obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me lucifer #basically what i'm doing with beel is depicting him as someone constantly in his head #and not in the 'i wonder what i'll eat next' kind of way #but instead having him silently observe what's happening around him and mentally commentate on it #sometimes it involves going on little rambles as certain things remind him of other things #but i'm trying to showcase someone who's able to pick up on people's personalities and feeling #simply by watching them interact with the world around them #i think he's emotionally intelligent #that doesn't always transfer to academia #but it is an important type of intelligence #because it helps guide interactions with real people in real situations #also #headcanon that lucifer was the last one to realize/accept that he had a crush on mc #asmo and beel may have picked up on it first #but eventually the others caught on #even the other exchange students #and diavolo #cue relentless teasing from diavolo to lucifer #diavolo: you have feelings for mc #lucifer: no i don't #diavolo: yes you do #and they'd go back and forth about it #diavolo just wanted his friend/occasional lover to be happy #and he thought mc was good for lucifer #so he rooted for them to get together #and was happy when they did

[ellebi-studies]

June 15th 2022

Exam 1 out of 5 ✅

I think I deserved that pizza ☺️

#studyblr #student #studyspo #italian studyblr #study #italy #med #university #milan #med school #med student #anatomy #motivation #notes #anatomia #study method #coffee #med motivation #little world of a student #neuroanatomy #pizza #pneumologia #pneumologie #Italian #Italy #pneumology #exam #exam week

[mitskijamie]

Speaking of. Ted Lasso truly does have some of the worst kid dialogue I’ve ever seen on television. Like when 9 year old Phoebe was like “it’s understandable. You were only together a year, and most relationships can’t even survive one major career change, let alone two.” have you never met a child in your entire life

#oc #I get that Phoebe is supposed to be precocious and weirdly smart but like #no 9 year old (not even the smartest 9 year old in the world) is capable of that level of emotional maturity and wisdom #to formulate a thought like that ​you need life experience and social-emotional skills that no child has #a year is over 10% of her entire lifespan wdym ‘you were only together a year’. a year is an ETERNITY to a little kid #and I know it’s a joke but as an ed student bad kid dialogue is just my pet peeve #watching a comedy like ‘she is not fucking developmentally capable of that’

[coconut530]

HE HAS RETURNED TO US

#Nevermore #Nevermore Webtoon #Webtoon #The way she just clambers up the fence 😂 #Merry is a little chaos gremlin #Much more so today #Like usually I’m like “Merry is the more chill one” NOT TODAY #And jeez what was with him telling her to stop like that #And then when she was like “—AS FAR AWAY FROM THE TWO OF YOU AS POSSIBLE—” oh my god I was DYING at Merry’s joy #Rubbing his hands together 😂 #And then Mourn was like NO there are RULES Merry #Interesting how they get to know their students like this #I wonder who will get the opportunity in the future #Prospero would’ve gotten it if he passed which is interesting to think about #Annabel’s gonna go there I figure at some point #I wonder how short the cohorts are #I assume a year but who knows how long a semester is in this world #It’s not like there’ll be any long breaks what family is there to go visit #Anyway TINY LENORE AND THEO OH MY GOD I DIDN’T EXPECT IT THEY’RE SO CUTE #Lenore and Annabel looking ✨fine✨ together #And oop spectreeeeeeeeeee #But no she wants her FRENCH BOI #I was worried I thought we’d like get a ghost of him here and he’d still be suffocating but no we got him out of there for a moment #He’s so scared look at himmmm #It’s okay Duke it’s Lenore #And then they HUG AAAAA #Actual conversation next week yay #But also do the Deans know? Like if they saw him flickering on the merit board then like why didn’t they act on it #You guys are the DEANS OF THE SCHOOL PROTECT YOUR STUDENTS FROM EACH OTHER #Great ep

[flamboyant-king]

Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.

I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.

I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.

So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?

#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks #i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me #but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world #tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of #but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets #this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me #i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items #i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em #its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there #the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students #mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression #in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me #no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings #if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask #but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself #and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding. #words #mr octopus #mental health #doodles

[twstmagica]

Magical Girl Yuu's First Day pt 4

“Listen dude, I don't know what kind of cult thing you’ve got here and at this point I don't care. I just need to get back home before my mentor freaks out.”

This time it really isn't Yuu’s fault she got lost!

“Cult?! Night Raven College is the most prestigious school in all of Twisted Wonderland!”

“Cool story bro. You still kidnapped me.”

“The black carriage does not kidnap – !”

“The what?”

So according to Birdman all students are recruited via some spooky carriage and horse that Yuu does not remember seeing.

Actually she can't remember anything of how she got here. The day was Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday?  She had been getting ready for… something important. Something that had the adult magica gearing up. Yuu remembers a sense of urgency, this had been different from the usual fiend attacks. 

What happened? Did something go wrong? 

For the first time since waking up Yuu feels truly scared.

Panic rises as she tries to go over what enemies could have the power to transport someone while fogging their memories.

Meanwhile!

Totally oblivious to Yuu’s mental crisis, Birdman was reaching his own conclusions.

“... truly weren't meant to be here then that could explain why you couldn't be sorted. I suppose there's nothing for it. Step back in front of the mirror, young man.”

Finally Crowley looks back at the child, Yuu, and takes in his state.

One hand is tugging at his hair while the other grips his strange magic pen. The boy’s eyes are unfocused and he rocks his weight back and forth from one foot to the other.

Hmm.

Hmmmmmmm. 

That’s probably not good. If only Crewel were here to deal with this instead.

Remembering the damage from earlier, Crowley approaches cautiously. He keeps an eye on the hand holding the oversized pen and grasps Yuu’s shoulder in a clawed grip.

Yuu does a full body jolt but listens when Crowley tells him to approach the mirror again

*Return to sender!*

…

Nothing happens.

Yuu’s anxiety is getting out of control, so she tries channeling it towards something more productive. Specifically anger.

This mirror!

First he calls her a freak, now he's saying her home doesn't exist. 

“I cannot discern –”

“Well, is there anything you do know? Or should I do this place a favor and break you out of that frame!”

For the record, Yuu wasn't actually going to break the mirror. Squakface still wasn't willing to risk it as he dragged her out of the room.

Crowley guides Yuu to the library where they spend some time looking for references to her home city Duskfront.

Eventually Yuu asks what the books are referring to when they say Twisted Wonderland.

After some more back and forth Crowley concludes that Yuu must be from another world. 

Yuu is like okay bro, a likely story.

She’s still concerned this might be a plot, and thinks it's pretty convenient that they happen to be on an isolated island.

Crowley suggests that they shelve this for now and he offers to house Yuu in an unused dorm.

Yuu is not having it and tries to walk out, determined to swim back home if she must.

Crowley protests, despite the many complaints from both students and staff alike Crowley does in fact have a sense of responsibility. And while this particular student is, for whatever reason, unsortable, he cannot allow a student to just walk out. Not even one as unruly as Yuu.

Yuu really, really, doesn't want to be alone with her thoughts waste any time, but she understands this isn't the type of situation you can just bully your way out of. So with gritted teeth Yuu finally hisses out, “fine!”

Birdface is leading her far away from the main building.

Really far.

How big is this campus?

Finally they reach a derelict building that may at one point have been a dormitory.

“It's a little old, but a building with such character is suitable for such a rambunctious young man.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

“Calling you what? Rambunctious? I’d say it's rather accurate.”

“No. Young man. I'm not a guy.”

“What?”

Yuu loosens the sash holding her outfit and pulls back the outer robe to reveal modest, but still visible, breasts.

“WHAT!”

I was going to make it longer but I decided to split the final into two parts and give you this now. Sorry about the long wait (╥_╥). I'm kinda disappointed by how close to canon I've been but I know there will be big opportunity for change later. Specifically with the ghosts.

Ive been thinking about writing some drabbles or trying to draw out some scenes, turns out even making a short comic is hard. Im working on a short piece about the mine based more on the manga than the game. I'll focus on that after the last part of Yuu's first day, but might also do some smaller posts as well.

#twisted wonderland #twst yuu #twst #magical girl yuu #twisted wonderland au #twst au #dire crowley #I'm kinda rushing through this part #the big change comes at the end of Yuu's day #She's about to be a little clumsy :) #Crowley is a conspiracy theorist in this scene #Cant find a student's address? he must be from another universe!!! #Yuu is all like miss me with that bs #I bet he also thinks the world is flat #twst writing #twst drabble