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shemaycry · 5 months

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❛ 'Cause you're really my dearest friend.❜ ⸺ YUKI TSUKUMO.

【⠀♱⠀】 SYNOPSIS. yuki is conflicted. you’re her best friend, nothing more. and yet, all she can think about is ruining such a connection for something more.

【⠀♱⠀】 AUTHOR’S NOTE. originally i was gonna add smut into this. mostly because i know fluff isn’t given as much attention & because i’ve been wanting to write smut for yuki. however, while writing, i noticed it would have not fit here. like at all. of course i still could have tried but it would have felt forced. anywho! this is a fic for the girls that fall for their best friends, hope you recover cause i sure haven’t <\3! as always please excuse grammatical mistakes & errors.

Intimacy was funny when it came to women. A girl could kiss her friend on the cheek, cuddle with her, and maybe even see her naked; but never feel a thing. Some women, were able to hold such a connection without lust or romantic love tainting it.

But, this wasn’t always the case. Some had the misfortune of allowing that model connection to falter. The touches didn’t always seem as innocent, the comfortable atmosphere left whenever one withdrew their clothes, and the gazes no longer held that friendly warmth, but instead.. longing.

Yuki Tsukumo had believed she was immune to it all. That she, would never, fall for her best friend. That her love would never reach a romantic level.

She thought she was immune. Really, she did.

But as time passed, the woman began to see the signs she’s displayed to lovers in the past. The way you would breach her thoughts every single day, how your smiles would melt any sadness out of her body, or even how she would grow hot from even the most lightest touch on her skin.

Yuki Tsukumo had fallen for her best friend, you— and she didn’t have a clue on what to do about it.

Days were blurring together, passing far too quickly without an answer entering her mind. She was going mad, stressed that you would somehow find out about her sin. What would you do then? Would you hate her? Would the friendship the two of you formed go down the drain in an instant?

“I say, ruin it.” Gojo Satoru’s words were blunt, overshadowing the reasonable advice Geto was previously spewing. His dimples were deep, blue eyes gleaming with mischief as he stared at the blonde-haired woman who could only stare back. “You only have one shot Yuki and it’s gonna blow up either way,” He hummed, shrugging as if the answer that she had been searching for was obvious.

“So I say, screw it. Ruin your friendship.”

Those words stuck with her since that day. Was Yuki fully prepared to do such a thing? Once she did, there was no going back. Nothing could change the fact you would know the love she held for you was not like the one she held for Gojo and the others.

That the love she held for you, was far from innocent.

“Okay, you have to really listen to these lyrics for the next one,” Your words cut through her current train of thought, her chocolate gaze flowing from the ceiling and over to you. Air was fleeting each time Yuki looked at you, it was embarrassing really. You didn’t have to do a thing and she was starstruck, unable to think or breath. So while your lips moved, she didn’t hear a thing you were saying.

You blinked slowly, noticing the spaced out look in her eyes. “Yuki? Are you listening?” The smile you held was gentle, placing the device in your hand on the pillow beside you. You then reached over, hand finding her shoulder to gently shake.

That was enough to steal her away from her thoughts again, eyes focusing onto yours fully. Her hand rose, tapping against your wrist. “You uh.. said something about me paying attention to the lyrics?” Yuki forced a smile, cheeks tinted a soft pink as she watched your lips screw in playful annoyance. Oh, how she loved when you did that. All that movement caused her eyes to focus right on your mouth— the softness, how a hint of gloss was almost always staining them.

Yuki couldn’t help wondering how they would feel on her own. Would the gloss melt between the friction of the kiss? Would stickiness taint her chin? A soft breath escaped her, forcing her mind to shut off such thoughts.

And yet you were oblivious as always; hand lifting away from her and back to your phone. “Yes! You have to focus when it comes to Mitski songs. She’s, a lyrical genius.” You smiled, babbling about an artist you’ve loved for quite some time. It was entertaining watching you in such a state, and even more so when you would force Yuki to listen to songs or albums— only to talk about the meanings behind them afterwards.

Yuki chuckled softly, turning to lay on her side upon your bed. “I’ll pay attention.” She soothed, watching you come to lay down— facing her. The promise she had made just a second ago seemed to leave the moment her eyes rested upon your face, however.

You were completely relaxed; eyes closed and softly humming to the music that escaped your speaker just a feet away. What was the song’s name again? Yuki couldn’t remember, not with the dilemma running through her head.

In times like this, Yuki felt it all began to bubble; her feelings, her thoughts about you, and much more— all ready to overfill and spill right before you. Restraint was withering with each pass of her eyes over your form, and oh— a tight breath escaped the moment she heard you softly sing along to the song.

Maybe Gojo was right, maybe she should ruin it all.

“[Name]..” The words were sudden, a soft tone hugging them; a contrast to how the woman usually spoke. Your eyes fluttered open the moment your name was spoken into the peaceful atmosphere. They widened, however, as you recognized a serious glint in her gaze.

You slowly sat up, hand pressing against the bed to steady yourself. “Is something wrong?” You asked sweetly, watching as she rose from her previous position as well. “Do you not like the song?” You urged again, fearful you had upset your best friend in some way or another.

Despite your inquiries, Yuki was silent. Completely. Another trait that you believed she wasn’t capable of. Instead she moved suddenly; hand rising and ghosting over your form before finally settling onto your cheek. You weren’t given a moment to breathe, to react, before she moved again— eliminating the distance between you in a single moment.

Your eyes widened, body stilling as the unfamiliar feeling of her lips covering your own warped your being. They were soft, yet unsteady; fear clearly treading within the blonde-haired woman before you. Her hand was clammy too, yet firm against your chubby sun-kissed cheek.

Silence passed through the room for what seemed like forever before Yuki moved away, feeling her heart fall to the pit of her stomach. She’s ruined it, finally— she has. But the rush of fear wasn’t faltering anytime soon. On the contrary it increased the moment Yuki looked at you.

Your expression was unreadable, lips agape and gaze lost completely. You continued to sit as still as a statue, clearly still surprised.

The false sense of courage was escaping her body slowly now, hand rising from your cheek carefully. But to her own surprise and happiness; you quickly took her wrist to halt her movements. Once you achieved that, your hand rose to cup the back of her own, putting it right back on its previous spot.

You moved closer, light finally shining back into your eyes as you stared at her. “Kiss me again.” You spoke on hushed breath, eyelids already lowering before she could move.

Fortunately, Yuki didn’t need to be told twice; closing the distance with more enthusiasm then before. Her lips no longer moved against yours in hesitation or uncertainty— because the answer was clear now.

You loved her, just as much as she did you. And ruining the friendship, was definitely the right thing to do.

Yuki would have to thank Gojo later.

COMMENTS & REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED <3

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witch-from-a-block-of-flats · 19 days

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Rules: make your ships in this adorable picrew, then give me their song. Tag some friends to share too!

Thank you for the tag @cleric4vampire, this picrew is so amazing, I'll be using it in the future. I also decided to share some lyrics (yes, you inspired me) <3

Tagging (no pressure ofc): @chodzacaparodia, @miyamiwu, @boinin, @night-in-a-jar (don't be shy bestie, share your blorbos with the class) and @milkteansugar

1st Astarion and Solveig

My traumatized babies are finally in a happy and healthy relationship. They deserve all the happiness in the world after what they've been through. It took me 15 minutes to decided which horns are the best for Solveig - in game she has small but curved ones and I couldn't find a perfect match but I'm happy with the result. Their hands are my favorite part of the whole pic tbh, it's a small detail but carries so many emotions.

We'll never have sex by Leith Ross Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me / Not to take me home / It was simple, it was sweetness / It was good to know

2nd Gale and Ylva

I made this to look like a moment from their wedding that's why they are wearing tiaras. I feel like Gale would totally shed a tear or two at his own wedding. Looking back at members of my party from my Ylva run, their wedding was probably hilarious - the other two companions were Astarion and Lae'zel. Imagine Lae'zel as a bridesmaid and Astarion giving best man speech.

My heart belongs to only you by Bobby Vinton There were sometimes when I was doubtful / Of this new love affair / But now my mind is no more doubtful / I've found my heaven with the help of a prayer

3rd Snowid and Tomira

You've never heard of these characters? I would be more surprised if you did because they are from the book I'm writing - urban fantasy where Slavic myths meet steampunk. I want to talk about them for a bit so bear with me. Snowid (btw. his name means "the one who sees dreams" and I think it's so cool) is to put it simply a monster hunter and was cursed as a child with having visions of the future. Tomira is a child of a shapeshifting monster (most of the time she/her but can shapeshift and has a fluid relationship with gender). As many Slavic monsters do Tomira's mother had kidnapped a baby girl from a young couple and replaced it with them. Couple years later Tomira became a spy for one of the biggest crime organizations in the city and has been tasked with infiltrating the monster hunter corps. I think you know where this is going. My tragic, doomed by the narrative (aka by me) babies.

First love/late spring by Mitski

And I don't wanna go home yet / Let me walk to the top of the big night sky/ Please hurry leave me / I can't breathe/ Please don't say you love me

And this is th end! Thanks once again <3

#tag game #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 tav #tav x astarion #tav x gale #my ocs <3

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braimrotting · 9 months

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My playlist as QSMP

(warning im shit at english lang so my interpretation of songs may be way off... im also ace and often miss romantic implication so.. yeah if a song has lyrics which are like about an s/o and i havent specified i probably dont mean for it to be shipping)

songs included: tongues & teeth (the crane wives), pink in the night (mitski), gb eating gb whilst listening to gb (crywank), going to brighton (fresh)

TONGUES & TEETH - The Crane Wives hideduo fit pov fit as a self serving survivalist from a wasteland experiencing love in this cursed fuckin island • "ive grown a mouth so sharp and cruel its all that i can give to you my dear" habits from 2b2t even little things like his lack of trust, hasnt confided his true intentions to anyone - constant lies by omission - hes flawed and hes recognised it • "if you're fine with that you can be mine like that" theres very much something going on with hideduo but fit is insistent on his baby steps bc he doesnt want to hurt pac. 'are you fine with that?' • "you gotta know that this wont last" this is soooo fit coded bffr. i adored the conversations fit n ramon had but one thing that stuck out to me was that he would always specify that only he and ramon would escape. never mentioned anyone else. selfish in the most understandable way • "i will ruin you, its a habit i cant help it" again 2b2t ingrained habits that never leave. linked w above point, hes selfish and that isnt necessarily a bad thing just not great for a blossoming relationship • "i will love u like the ashes in my cigarette box" hc 2b2t!fit smoked - ramon told him off once but now that the baby's gone hes picked it up again, a headcanon bc i cannot imagine ccfit smoking since hes such a health buff - feels so out of character lmao strong thoughts about qfit no one even try to fight me - his entire character occupies a space in my brain PINK IN THE NIGHT - Mitski phissa missa pov devotion easy • "i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you" • "can i try again and again and again" i dont think i need to say more - tbh this could go for guapoduo too but the "can i try again" made me think of missa + how he wants to live up to phils expectations

GB EATING GB WHILST LISTENING TO GB - Crywank phissa still missa pov

"in a busy room youre all i see" literally THEM sorry during the mexican independence event they were literally all they could see.. them doing the dance together - it may as well have just been the 2 of them + phil jumping in front of missa to take pics of him alone w/o him noticing

"calm down dont let her see how fast your heart is beating" missa saying "im speaking weird so the translator doesnt pick up, i love you" THIS GUYYYYYYYY

"i think about you but i know im not good enough" bffr mr missa "ill come back when im a good enough father" sinfonia

"and I built you up to much, now I can't say what's on my mind in case I go and scare you away" missa doesnt want to burden phil because he feels like hes been such a bad father compared to phils dedication - now that hes back he doesnt want to disappoint him anymore

"and how could i compete with the world at your feet" missa coming back to like 3 men at phils whim LMAO

"i wouldn't want to hurt you by letting you hurt me you don't deserve to feel guilty"

"i just want you in my life"

sorry im so obsessed with their puppy love GOING TO BRIGHTON - Fresh tubbo coded, i mean with the name i had to give it to him in my mind hes talkin to phil • "things i care the most about dont seem to ever get old" his excitement over everything even the simplest things is so refreshing • "i feel the fire inside me trains passing over head" his determination posing a unique threat to the feds and i feel like its such an important part of his character. also he likes trains :) • "there are things i learnt inside my head that they cant ever take away from me" lil bugs and just knowledge of the game make him a great bug tester for the admins lmao. this guy takes any chance to glitch his way through life

"starting over is a sign of strength"

also honorary mention to that one person who said the garden was codebreakerduo coded because you are so right and true and based and i think of that post everytime i listen to that song. being so normal by peach pit was very celltw (is that what pac and cellbit are called?) to me but i didnt really have much reasoning

#qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp fitmc #qsmp tubbo #qsmp missa #qsmp cellbit #im so qsmp brained i cant even listen to my music without thinking of these cubitos #hekp

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yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt · 9 months

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Songs that I think the Goldenhearts listen to while thinking ab each other + relevant lyrics! (nobody asked for this it is self indulgent ❤️💛🖤)

Ambrosius Goldenloin (Movie): I Listened (Apes of the State)

"I'm trying hard to mention some important things that I feel will really demonstrate just how well that I listened. Like how you said, with tears in your eyes, that you wish that being grateful was enough to keep you from feeling sad all the time and that your favorite flowers are impatiens, and that when you love somebody you wait patiently for them"

"and how you make poor decisions with the people that you choose to date and you'll probably think I'm crazy for this and I'd tell you that I don't give a shit, but that would be a lie because I care what you think about me and I just really, desperately want to be your next poor decision. Your next poor decision."

Ballister Boldheart: Pretty Little Things (The Crane Wives)

"I once loved a man who was all lips and hands, cracked lips and hands, calloused hands, I still feel his touch against my skin, past loves linger like phantom limbs"

Ambrosius Goldenloin (Graphic Novel): Frances Forever (Mitski)

"I don't know what to do without you, I don't know where to put my hands, I've been trying to lay my head down, but I'm writing this at 3 AM. I don't need the world to see that I've been the best I can be, but I don't think I could stand to be where you don't see me.

On sunny days I go out walking. I end up on a tree lined street, I look up at the gaps of sunlight, I miss you more than anything"

Ballister Blackheart: Anything by Olivia Rodrigo, especially Vampire (tell me that bitch wouldn't)

"I used to think I was smart, but you made me look so naive, the way you sold me for parts as you sunk your teeth into me, oh bloodsucker, famefucker, bleeding me dry, like a goddamn vampire"

"You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? You can't love anyone 'cause that would mean you had a heart. I tried to help you out, now I know that I can't, 'cause how you think's the kind of thing I'll never understand"

Anyway please tell me if you have any Goldenheart songs, I love them (and I recommend checking these ones out!!!)

#nimona #goldenheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister boldheart #ballister blackheart #nimona graphic novel

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paradox-oflife · 17 days

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Top 10 albums 2024

Tagged by my mate @lememecollector, last time I did this was.. I was still in high school 💀I had a lot of stuff from the Killers, Mitski, twenty one pilots lmao so let's see how much I've changed

In Rainbows - Radiohead

To me, this is the golden record and the most perfect album. It gets better and better every single time I listen to it. If you want to listen to it on a more normal level, it's so fun to groove and jam to. If you want to dig deep, you'll realize every single track is actually pretty complex from a musical perspective. 15 Steps being in 5/4 signature, Bodysnatchers being in something of a syncopation, Weird Fishes in a very layered polyrhythmic soundscape, Faust Arp changing time signatures every few measures etc. The closing track, Videotape still confuses me with it's rhythmic patterns. The lyrics seem to contrast the vibes of the music, e.g. 15 Step opening up with "How come I end up where I started?" and that feeling of never being able to escape your old faults. Even the track order is so perfect, it's ordered in a way where it never feels like it drags or rushes, and everything just flows so seamlessly into each other. Upbeat, depressing, innovative, experimental all at once.

What puts this at first place is really the musicality of it. It's very much what I think of as an objective perfection. I think some of the other albums I put on this list isn't as polished, but it's more about the emotional and rawness of the music. Like, I would blast In Rainbows if I'm on aux, but I wouldn't blast like. Shoegaze. I've never been much of a fan of Radiohead for their lyrics bc ngl I don't even know what Thom is singing half the time, but it's always been about the actual musicality for me.

Favorite is Jigsaw Falling into Place! The bass player in me is obsessed.

2. bury me at makeout creek - Mitski

My first love <3 musically speaking. I was in like 7th grade when I heard "Francis Forever" play on Adventure Time then immediately going to search it up. Then I heard First Love/Late Spring, then Townie, and something in me flickered. It was the first time I ever heard an Asian American in the indie rock scene. Back then, Mitski was such a small artist and relatively unknown. I remember journaling about her music in 7th grade lmao. The explosiveness of Texas Reznikoff, the teenage angst in Townie, crushing First Love/Late Spring, the yearning self-affirmation on Francis Forever..etc. It's actually quite musically simplistic but it's so catchy and manages to have some of the most personal and confessional lyrics at the same time. And it's not like Mitski doesn't know how to be "musically complex", she was literally a studio composition major and you can really feel that bleed through in Retired from Sad, New Career in Business.

Bmamc feels like something you would sing to yourself on a guitar in your bedroom, or perform in your garage, or something you would write in your diary. It's meant for yourself, not for a large crowd of a sold out stadium. It's raw, cathartic, intimate, and says everything it needs to say about love, insecurity, anger, grief, youth in a short 30 minutes. It meant everything to me and it still means everything to me. I hold it very close to my heart.

It's so hard to choose favorites for this. I have a special place in my heart for Francis Forever but every track means so much to me. I think Jobless Monday is so underrated though.

Side note: I have a lot to say about Mitski. I hate gatekeeping music but honestly like. I hate how her music has been dumbed down into "sad/yearning" or "for the gays", and that makes it feel sorta bland and discredits a lot of the depth. Like sure, a lot of her songs sound sad on surface level but when you really pay attention to what she's saying.. e.g. First Love/Late Spring is about loving someone so much that the feeling scares you. It's not even negative, by any means. Or Your Best American Girl is about never measuring up to the standard of your non POC partner. And her relatively recent success seems to have had a terrible impact on her, with concert behavior and the whole recording controversy, it's unfortunate to see her grow really uncomfortable with her fame as she's known to be a very private person.

3. Grace - Jeff Buckley

I've always known about Jeff Buckley since I was a small kid because of his cover of Hallelujah, but I never really dug that deep into his discography until later in high school. The first time I heard Grace I was so blown away by how powerful his voice was. I had Grace on repeat for a month when I first discovered it. The soft rolling guitar in Mojo Pin.. the intensity of the title track Grace, the summer break up vibes in Last Goodbye, the fragility of his voice in Lilac Wine, the odd chord progression in So Real.. "I love you, but I'm afraid to love" being whispered.. His voice is SO profound. Etc, He is probably one of my favorite lyricists ever, every line he writes is straight poetry. Not to mention the Sufi influences from Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.. He has such an odd vibrato and singing technique. He was such a sweet and sensitive guy. Also quite an underrated guitarist. He's like the King Midas of covers, every cover he makes turns into gold.

It's funny how a lot of my favorite artists have been influenced by him in some way. From Radiohead to Mitski to Lana Del Rey.. even people like Adele, Brad Pitt?, Jimmy Page, Phoebe Bridgers, literally you name it. The way he died was so tragic. I always wonder what he would have went on to accomplish if he had a little more time. The demo for My Sweetheart the Drunk was such a large departure from Grace, I genuinely wonder what public perception would've been if that ever released properly. Maybe he would have only been remembered for Grace and considered a flop after that, a one-album wonder. Maybe dying young cemented his legacy.

Favorite track is either Mojo Pin or So Real.

4. OK Computer - Radiohead

alright alright yeah I know two albums from the same artist on a top 10 list can be cheap but here me out. OK Computer is typically seen as the white edgy incel doomer album and is "overrated" but. From a musical perspective it's extremely impressive. Its place in alt rock history cannot be understated. At a time where grunge was dying, this album brough rock back in relevancy but in a different approach. This idea of a more artsy, experimental rock was a new and fresh flavor. The layered instrumentation and complexity.. it was very "out there" because the new computerized electronic noises were new for artists, and Radiohead was out there messing around with it. Paranoid Android was the first time I ever heard a guitar solo in 7/8 and it absolutely blew my teenage mind. There's a bit of political commentary though I don't know enough about UK politics to really say anything about that.

The themes in this album have aged beautifully. The paranoia of our world being engulfed by technology, a society where we're so advanced but even more alienated and isolated from each other, the fear of what would happen to humanity once technology became our rulers. The feelings of overstimulation and digital numbness. Fitter happier is often joked upon, but I think the lyrics really do sum up the album so well. The mundanity of life, a painful reflection of reality.

Picking a favorite is hard because I always listen to this album from start to finish. I think Climbing Up the Walls is very underrated. It captures the feeling of paranoia and losing your mind so well. I'm stopping myself from putting the rest of Radiohead's discography on here.

5. Did you know there's a tunnel under ocean blvd - Lana del Rey

Lana is... a messy person to say the least. She's made very questionable and controversial choices but honestly? She's somehow always in every single one of my playlists. But ocean blvd might be my favorite album to come out in the past 5 years, and i rank it above NFR. I love a good orchestral album, and when it lost every single grammy it was nominated for I almost saw red. I think A&W is a masterclass in songwriting and storytelling. The beat switch is so Jack Antonoff core. The themes of loss of innocence, trauma, family, identity... BEAUTIFUL!! Even the title itself is so interesting. The idea of something iconic slowly fading into irrelevancy, the question of will Lana's legacy end up just like that tunnel? I really love how personal the lyrics are compared to her previous works. I started crying at the opening track lmao.

I know she considered Chemtrails Over the Country Club to be the album that represented who she was, but Ocean Blvd nailed who she really is. I'm curious for how her next album is going to sound like. Never been a country fan but I believe Lana can nail a very specific aesthetic in the country genre.

Favorite is A&W and Kintsugi. I thought Kintsugi was a bit too slow paced for me at first but then when I heard "Daddy I miss them" I bawleddd.

6. Either/or - Elliott Smith

I'd always heard his name a lot but I never got around to checking him out until not too long ago. I knew Phoebe Bridgers cited him as a major influence, but then I kept hearing more and more people citing him like Frank Ocean, Alex G, Sufjan Stevens, even like Mac Miller, and I think I got tired of wondering who he was. When a lot of famous artists cite someone as an influence, I gotta check them out. You could immediately tell where Alex G got his low quality production vibes from haha.

I think what really drew me in is this feeling of a just a guy with a guitar singing to himself in his bedroom. I really like how soft and vulnerable his voice is. Could you argue he's not a good singer? Yeah, sure, I guess. But that's not really the point, is it? His chord progressions are very interesting and trying to learn like any of his songs on the guitar is such a nightmare, he's extremely skilled with the guitar. I love a depressing song, what can I say?

Favorite: Between the Bars, No Name no. 5, and Say Yes.

7. Melodrama - Lorde

I'm not an avid pop listener by any means, but Melodrama is the most perfect pop album I've ever heard. There are literally no unskippable tracks on this album and every time I listen to it, I feel like I have to listen to the whole album instead of single by single. Because her first album was slow paced and minimalistic, she received some flack for going more towards the maximalist pop approach, the very thing she was changing in the beginning. Despite all of the early criticism, Melodrama's aged beautifully. The lyricism is just gorgeous. It paints such a distinct picture.

It's interesting to follow Lorde as she grows older, and all of it is reflected in the music. Pure Heroine is the "growing up" album, Melodrama is the "growing pains", and Solar Power is really about settling into herself. Melodrama is her late teens/early twenties sophomore album, where she goes from the early teenage experiences to the more mature experiences. Talks about doing makeup, partying, breakups and heartaches... It's about the growing pains of moving past teenagehood. It's perfect. Listening to it while walking around college campus at night is an out of body experience. I would pay to have the album cover as a painting on my walls.

Favorite track: Hard Feelings/Loveless or Perfect Places. Love that weird experimental noise in Hard Feelings

8. Loveless - my bloody valentine

They were not lying when they said this was one of the best shoegaze albums ever. If you want to start getting into the shoegaze genre, this is the album to go to. The heavy distorted guitar banging in on the first track, the drum patterns and memorable melodies. It's very rhythmic. Shoegaze as a genre has always been so interesting to me - To have the vocals take a backseat and let the soundscape do the work, and you let this wall of sound wrap you up like blanket. It's less about what you're trying to say with the words and more about the sound itself and how it makes you feel. That fuzzy distortion makes me feel unlike anything else. When You Sleep is probably the most stand out track and the most popular, but there are many tracks that don't have any vocals, just repeated guitars. Yet somehow, somehow it's not boring to listen to.

My favorite one is Sometimes, probably the closest thing to a love ballad they'll get to. It makes me feel complete and empty at the same time. Drowsy and intimate, the mumbled lyrics. When that song came on in that one scene in Lost in Translation, it became one of my all time favorite scenes ever. That feeling of derealization and staring at a world that's right at your feet but you can't really enter it. Idk. But I think that's the point.

9. Vessel (And Regional at best) - twenty one pilots

This album has such a special place in my heart. I was going through the early teenage angst and it was the first album where I heard where it was saying "It's okay, we feel this way too." It felt a lot more personal that what I was used to hearing in middle school, like Despacito or whatever was trending that time. Yeah it's a bit reminiscent of the mid 2010s but it was also my gateway to more alternative music. It combined so many genres where it didn't feel like a particular genre. I don't really listen to twenty one pilots as much anymore but Vessel always will take me back.

I'm combining Regional At Best in this because it has a few overlapping songs and it's technically not a real album. But I would kill for a remastered version of RAB, esp songs like Slowtown. The songs meant so much to me and my younger self. However, I think Trench is the objectively best record twenty one pilots has put out.

Not sure what my favorite track would be. RAB has some golden ones. I think I would choose Kitchen Sink, but Anathema also means a lot to me.

10. Continuum - John Mayer

This album was quite influential towards my perception of guitars. I used to be obsessed with the bass guitar and I used to want to play the drums until I really listened to this album. I guess I used to think about guitar solos as flashy - Something you could shred on to show off your talent. I thought people like Van Halen and maybe Slash were talented, but the intensity and difficulty didn't really appeal to me. But I guess because Continuum is more heavily inspired by blues and souls, you don't really feel any of that (except for the Hendrix cover Bold as Love). Each solo is melodic and laidback. Mayer's known for his virtuostic guitar talent but here, he's demonstrating that he knows when to strip back.

Overall, it's just a very clean and solid album. No very skippable tracks, very ummm "friendly" to listen to. Like anyone can enjoy soft rock playing in the car, y'know.

Favorite tracks: Either Belief or I'm Gonna Find Another You

Honorable mentions (some other 10/10s)

Sam's Town - the Killers

My once favorite album.. I still love it a lot. I guess I've discovered a lot more stuff since then it took a backseat in my list of favorite albums. But I'll gladly do a rewrite of why I love it so much

This album makes you feel patriotic but not in a nationalistic, America is the best country on Earth, racist way. It's more of a cowboy, rugged individualism, independence, No Country for Old Men, western saloons and faded glamor type of feeling. Red Dead Redemption 2 type of feeling. It makes sense since they were trying to escape from the Hot Fuss era where everyone thought they were a British band. So they went the opposite direction and made this whole album is this declaration that they were Americans. Sam's Town has such an iconic opening, very "guns blazing", very Bruce Springsteen feeling. Read My Mind changed me as a person and I have no idea why exactly. It must have been my favorite song for 2 years. That final verse after the guitar solo is soul ascending.

Kessoku Band - Kessoku Band

Bocchi the Rock was the first anime I'd watched in a while and really got hooked on. Chainsaw Man was going on at the same time, but I'd already read the manga so many times I guess it wasn't the same. But BtR being a spiritual successor to K-On just really made me fall in love. The rotoscoping, attention to detail, the amount of inside jokes that only musicians can really understand. The humor is unmatched, and imo it's the embodiment of anime at its creative peak. The plot is heartwarming and relatable, the character dynamics are so great. It reminded me of my high school band lol

Overall, extremely well produced album and they got some of the best musicians in the j-rock industry like tricot haha and the peggies. The lead guitars go HAM with every solo and riff, the drum fills and patterns, not to mention how good the basslines are.

Blonde - Frank Ocean

Admittedly I was late to the Frank Ocean train, but this album in unmatched in its circle. It's such a good concept album, I just know Frank Ocean had been cooking this up for a long time. The ideas of duality, masculinity, and femininity and how the album is perfectly split in the middle at Nights during the beat switch, and how the album starts diving into the "masculine" part. Less singing, more rapping. Femininity is expressed through those pitch shifts and the topics of the songs. Blonde was even released as blond in some versions. I think my soul ascended a bit the first I heard Seigfried - Could literally pinpoint where Johnny Greenwood contributed, also the verse about dreaming about a thought. Close To You is such an underrated track. Also one of my favorite album covers.

twenty one pilots - Twenty One Pilots

Their first album and of course, it has a very fundamentally different feeling than the rest of their work. It was made in the basement Tyler Joseph and the original members of the band were staying at, and you can honestly feel it lol. It's overtly a lot more religiously themed (or more so the struggle with faith) and I guess you could say it's a lot more darker in sound, Songs like Addict With a Pen.. whew.. The songwriting is already pretty strong here, and it's a lot more piano heavy. The thing I might not like the most on that album in the way he sings. The midwestern emo accent/enunciation pops out so hard LOL. But I really appreciate this album for what it is. I'm also obsessed with the album cover.

I think my music taste has definitely evolved a bit, but I also lowkey sound like a white male/alt girl on tiktok 💀 I think compared to my last post I ever made, I've definitely improved at expressing a lot of my thoughts on music and why it's so special to me. I also really just enjoy blabbling a lot about music even though no one will probably see this haha. I have a lot more albums that I absolutely love and picking just 10 is impossible. Maybe I'll do this challenge again in another 5 years and see what's different haha

#radiohead #mitski #jeff buckley #lana del rey #elliott smith #lorde #my bloody valentine #twenty one pilots #the killers #john mayer #frank ocean #kessoku band #bocchi the rock

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star-1111 · 10 months

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HII HRU :33 I saw your little Quackity oneshot and LOVED how you narrated it, I wanted to ask if you could write one about a male!s/o (or fem, if you want) x Quackity, male!s/o es singer and sings "Once more to see you - Mitski", indirectly dedicating it to Quackity who is watching him among the people with VIP tickets and his fans notice :'3,

— thx very much and take your time!!!

AHHHH OH MY GOD YES AND TYSM!!! I LOVE MITSKI!!!! <3

Quackity x male! singer reader!!

Alex stood in the crowd as he looked up at you. You looked so gorgeous in the lighting. The way you stood with your instrument in your hands. They way your hair swayed with every movement. The way your eyes glimmered with nervous excitement. The way your nose crinkled when you smiled or laughed.

He had to admit.

He was absolutely smitten for you.

He used to think his feelings for you were just 'bro and bro' feelings, or some silly roommate shit. But the moment he finally realized how gorgeous you were, he let himself understand that he was crushing on you.

hard.

Alex wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. Why was he nervous? The answer was right in front of him: you.

He watched as you began to play, the crowd applauding. He didn't care how much his ears rang from the volume of the excited crowd.

All he cared about was you.

"In the rearview mirror, I saw the setting sun on your neck.."

Your voice was so majestic, he swore he fell in love with you all over again. He listened to each lyric, head tilted.

He couldn't help but feel.. strange.

The way you glanced at him. The way your cheeks turned an obvious shade darker when you two made eye contact. The way his heart leaped to his throat and silenced his thoughts.

Oh.

It all clicked.

That song was for him.

Alex's palms grew sweaty. His heart raced in his chest. His eyes nervously darted away. His cheeks grew red. A little voice in the back of his mind screamed at him to just say or do something. But, boy.. he took note of how many people there were. He needed to wait until the two of you were alone.

Eventually, the song came to an end and the crowd roared in absolute amazement. Alex pushed his way through the crowd until he reached the backstage area. He saw you, and his mind went blank.

It was now or never.

He approached you, anxiously fidgeting with his fingers. "Hey." He spoke up, catching your attention.

"Hi."

One simple word and gosh he wanted to just sweep you off your feet and hold you and kiss you.

"You were really good." Was all he could manage. You looked away bashfully, smiling. "Thank you. It took some practice, but I'm glad I actually got it. Was it obvious I was nervous?"

Alex chuckled. "No. You.. you looked really good. I-I mean, you-- you sounded really good."

You chuckled, running a hand through your hair. "..Nice save. And.. thank you. I.. uh.. actually sang that for you."

Alex could've sworn his heart melted right there and then and his mind went blank again. His suspicions were right.

"..really?"

You nod. Alex grew quiet, rubbing the back of his neck. "..Mitski, huh?" You chuckled, fidgeting with your fingers. Alex took a deep breath.

"I like you. A lot, actually."

You looked up at him. You thought, if you died right there and then you'd die elated.

"I like you too. Hence the song."

Alex chuckled. He rubbed his arm, then offered you his hand, which you gladly took.

"..I always liked Mitski."

"..I know. Thats why I sang it for you."

"...God, I like you so much."

AHHH I HOPE YOU LIKED IT! <3

#x reader #quackity x reader #dsmp x reader

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just-wublrful · 2 years

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the winds talk to the stars sometimes. that’d be nice. i’d like that.

[ID: An assortment of quotes and lyrics from various sources.

1. Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.

2. I once loved you,/ now I don’t know you at all.

3. What lived and died between us - haunts me still.

4. I dreamed I forgot you/ but to dream was remembering. I have words for you/ only, a linguistic fidelity./ Cherish and anguish and fool./ I look for you, I am finding/ out if I am brave. Last/ I saw you, it was the same disruptive season: robins trilling in the young/ flush, trees shivering/ pink all down the street./ I thought the ache/ would ruin me, and maybe it did./ Here I am in the beatific after/ still calling back to you.

5. “You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you, I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, is must be because we have shared at some time the same imaginings, the same madness

6. ship to you (you belong to me, even if I should never see you again) [...] these I know, insofar they do not fall into the

7. was that you love him anywhere,/ even in this land of no memory,/ even in this domain of hunger./ You hold love in your hand, a red seed/ you had forgotten you were holding.

8. We loved, didn’t we? I was devoted to you, like a nail to a bed. A splinter to skin. Sometimes I was soft, though, do you remember?

9. “(...) I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close... I will love you until your face is fogged by distant memory. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, I will love you if you don't marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else--and I will love you if you never marry at all, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all. That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.”

10. I am sorry. I am grateful./ I just want us to be friends now, forever./ Take this bowl of blackberries from the garden./ The sun has made them warm./ I picked them just for you. I promise/ I will try to stay on my side of the couch.

11. We’re under the same moon and I’m sick/ with that knowing.

12. You and I/ are like grief and the mountain,/ we will not meet/ in this world./ But sometimes/ will you send across the stars/ A sign?

13. If I could have done it all again, I would have loved you better. But I could not have loved you more.

14. And autumn comes when you’re not yet done/ With the summer passing by, but/ I don’t think I could stand to be/ Where you don’t see me.

15. I see the tree above the grave and think, I’m wearing/ my heart on leaves. My heart on leaves./ Love ends. But what if it doesn’t? End ID.]

#long post #dustmill #curlew #webweaving #retribution #hashtag divorcecore babeyyyyyy #divorcecore #i love feeling things for a wife ive never had incredible what the human mind can get up to #apologies to my actual wife if they see this #woe be upon ye #wubweaving

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narrativelysignificantturtleduck · 11 months

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songs for the cycle-breaker

i also think i've taken a different approach to this playlist in that i've focused on just late s3 zuko breaking free from his family. this playlist has much less of an arc than he does.

the thing about putting together a zuko playlist for me is that i am not emo and i don't believe in putting showtunes on character playlists bc they are already About characters. so this playlist is not super reflective of what i think zuko would listen to and is also pretty different from most of the zuko playlists out there which ARE full of emo bands/popular tiktok music. nothing wrong with that but it's not me.

1. dynasty - rina sawayama

i'm a dynasty / the pain in my veins is hereditary / and if that's all i'm gonna be /would you break the chain with me?

perfect song for the cycle-breaker of a royal family. i've seen this song on azula playlists and like. what chain do you think she's breaking exactly. the whole tragedy of her character is that she doesn't get free.

2. walk this way - mø

there is a light for you, burning for you / oh my mama said "it is burning for you"

zuko is, of course, a mama's boy.

3. take the journey - molly tuttle

take the journey / someday you'll make it back home again

pretty straightforward tbh. i like to imagine the lines "take the hand of the one beside you / let the fire guide you" as being about him & aang meeting the dragons.

4. relay - fiona apple

evil is a relay sport when the one who's burned turns to pass the torch

if this lyric were shorter i'd have made it the title. if this song had a more conventional song structure i'd have made a full fanvid instead just a little snippet. there is no better summary of zuko than this line.

5. altar wine - david keenan

there was once a man who loved me / he was older, he left this scar / and a book about an angel / that made her way back home to god / i still think about him sometimes / running my finger up its spine / may he fall into a well / he left me old before my time

yeah this song is heavily christian, but the characters in this song - the sighing mother the narrator identifies with, the older man who left a scar, the girl who sets fire to the curtains - feel very fire nation royal family. the fact that the older man gives him a book about an angel who made her way back home to god also feels similar to how zuko was expected to redeem himself and find his way home.

also, the singer just sounds fucking anguished, and literally screams near the end, which is pretty zuko imo.

6. black sun - irma

hold back, hold back, can't you see / how harmful all this can be / this ain't no place to call a home

amazingly, a perfect song for zuko's speech to ozai on the day of black sun.

7. shivers - JOSEPH

i strike my own light / even if it's not quite as bright

zuko decides to leave and strike out on his own.

8. grave digger - matt maeson

goddammit, i cannot bend / i'm all shriveled inside

a recommendation from the write-in question on this uquiz i made, one that i got a LOT, and okay yeah sometimes the majority opinion is correct. it's about deciding to leave behind your toxic family, and it's also easy to read "bend" in this line to refer to firebending. you win this one, zuko fans.

9. fear and loathing - marina

don't wanna live in fear and loathing / i want to feel like i'm floating / instead of constantly exploding

about how he had to find a new drive for his bending after he left, find something besides anger and fear to fuel him.

10. white teeth teens - lorde

and everything works out so good / i wear the robe like no one could

zuko being crowned fire lord at the end despite never thinking he was one of the cool kids worthy of status and power.

12. heirloom - sleeping at last

you are so much more than your father's son / you are so much more than what i've become

iroh to zuko <3

13. a burning hill - mitski

the title track. like all our angsty firebenders, he's been a perpetrator of the fire nation's brutality, its victim, and a witness to it. zuko 🤝 azula 🤝 jeong jeong - this song.

#Spotify #zuko #nina's personal log #my playlists

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downtoithaca · 8 months

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10 Songs Tag

Rules: Use your WIP playlist and put it on shuffle. Write the first 10 songs that come up and quote your favourite lyrics from each song and/or the lyrics that fit your WIP best (they might be the same lyrics), then tag 10 people.

@athenswrites tagged me in this and I'll tag @thenewbiewriter @inkingfireplace @mthollowell-writes @floweryprosegarden @writinglittlebeasts @kae-luna @burgundydreamer @ibuprofen-exe @joeys-piano @encrucijada and anyone who sees this and wants to try!

I'll do this tag for Last Rites as that's the one currently with an intro up!

I have a lot of classical music on my writing playlist for Last Rites to get me in the Victorian Gothic mood, but here's some of my favourite lyrical songs on there:

My Dearest Friend and Enemy - Tamino

Is your faith restored? Now that every heaven's out of reach Thunder on the beach Where you once would ask for more Will it be the same? When you build your family With your next enemy Tell me who'll be next to blame

I dream of living a life Where neither of us fears looking behind Don't just look away Let me know for once what's on your mind Leave some truth behind If we go our separate ways Before I step into darker days

The whole song is pretty much a summary of the tragic romance plot in Last Rites between Ernest and one of the occupants of Auchindrain House but I failed tried to cut it down to the most relevant parts.

2. Ballad of the Dying Man - Father John Misty

Eventually the dying man takes his final breath But first checks his news feed to see what he's 'bout to miss And it occurs to him a little late in the game We leave as clueless as we came For the rented heavens to the shadows in the cave We'll all be wrong someday

I think this captures Ernest's conflict about his own mortality which is a prominent theme.

3. Killer - Phoebe Bridgers

Can the killer in me tame the fire in you? Oh, is there nothing left to do for us? I am sick of the chase but I'm hungry for blood And there's nothing I can do

4. Corpses - Saint Sister

It's contagious, my fear and your pain We look like corpses and our friends look the same And we all stood together for worse or for better We all stood together for a photograph

5. Swan upon Leda - Hozier

The gateway to the world Was still outside the reach of him What never belonged to angels Had never belonged to men

6. The House that Dripped Blood - The Mountain Goats

Look through the air-thin walls Tear up the floorboards strip the paint Go over every inch of space With the patience of a saint Grab your hat get your coat The cellar door is an open throat

7. Circle - Mitski

Nobody knows my lover is buried underground There's a lie that I told to you

8. Organs - Of Monsters and Men

So I take off my face Because it reminds me of how it all went wrong And I pull out my tongue Because it reminds me of how it all went wrong And I cough up my lungs Because they remind me of how it all went wrong And I leave in my heart Because I don't want to stay in the dark

9. Tomb - Angelo de Augustine

Been searching for someone of my own kind Played it back and forth, prefer to rewind You've been living your life from the outside Like a stranger inside of your own mind

10. Love like Ghosts - Lord Huron

Yes I know that love is like ghosts Oh, few have seen it, but everybody talks Spirits follow everywhere I go Oh they sing all day and they haunt me in the night

Deep apologies for my taste in music! I didn't want to go into too much detail for spoiler reasons, but I hope it shows you the vibes of the wip! I had a lot of fun doing this :)

#LR #tag games #writeblr tag games #wips #l.txt

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 3 months

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heyy ari!!

I just came back from a mitski concert and the opener tamino has this song called my dearest friend and enemy and it's so satosugu coded 💔

there were a few lines that just hit me, it's so stsg and I was like damn 😞 shit hit too close to home

you're my dearest friend and enemy

you belong with me

like young love belongs to spring

now don't tell me that I'm wrong again

hearing this song in person was life changing tbh, his voice is so beautiful like 😫 tearing up just thinking about it, would do anything to see him live again

anyways 😁 wanted to hear your thoughts about the song!!

- anon 😼

OHHH LOVELY LOVELY ANON………. YOUR MIND……. i just took a listen to the song :(((( sniffle. did u come here just to ruin my day.

no but IT’S SOOO GOOD SO LOVELY and i see ur vision so clearly ??? this is literally stsg’s anthem LIKEEEE?????? i’m abt to get into the lyrics in just a second but THE INSTRUMENTAL????? i can literally see the stsg edits in my brain it really does feel like such a bittersweet nostalgic spring song…

doesn’t matter now // stop the tears welling in your eyes // you’re breaking up the sky // like a widow's broken vow

here goes everything // you’re my dearest friend and enemy // you belong with me // like young love belongs to spring // now don't tell me that i’m wrong again

is your faith restored? // now that every heaven's out of reach // thunder on the beach // where you once would ask for more

don’t just look away // let me know for once what's on your mind // leave some truth behind // if we go our separate ways // before i step into darker days

the way i’m literally fucking spiralling rn YOU BELONG WITH ME LIKE YOUNG LOVE BELONGS TO SPRING ?????? ”thunder on the beach where you once would ask for more”… their okinawa trip :(… “leave some truth behind”…. geto showing his honest feelings right before he dies…….. :((( ”before i step into darker days” WHAT IF I CRIED AND THREW UP 😔😔😔😔 anon u have ruined my whole week this is so Them it makes me so sad..

tbh just the title… is so unbelievably stsg….. my dearest friend. my dearest enemy. the fact that satoru was always doomed to kill suguru…. suguru was always doomed to wage war on satoru……. but above all else they were each other’s dearest friend until the very end T_T………. i hate them sm why cant i be happy </3

#I’M SO JEALOUS U GOT TO HEAR IT LIVE HHHH it must’ve been so fun !!!#his voice is so lovely :’3 #TYSM FOR SENDING IT MY WAY U SWEETIEPIE we are crying over them always 💔💔💔#ask tag ✩

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midnight1404 · 6 months

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1, 6, 7, 16, 19, 27, 28, 29!

Well, this was my first year dong fanfiction so following my word count (without counting three comms of 5k words that i didnt upload) i write 65, 993 words this year!!! yippy!!

6. To my surprise, that will be "As we fall (You will be part of me)" my poem collection that i have a little abandoned (but i will be back tho heheheh :3)

7. Well tbh, with a few exceptions, i almost never use song lyrics as titles so for now i don't an especial artist that i use the most (but i predict that one will be surely Breaking Benjamin or Ethel Cain surely)

16. Taking out the obvious ones like Dead dove, incest, etc. I'm proud that tag is "Catholic imagery" and "Daddy issues"

19. I can say jakelo? nah, just kidding...I think bessides my otp, im interested in explore more Quaritch's charcter in different angles and obviously i will do it along with Lo'ak (and maybe Taliya bc i just like imagine Q with someone he can't stand.)

27. I can't explain it very well, is a mess without a real order, is just a mix of Crystal Castles, Breaking Benjamin (or rock in general), Mitski, etc.

28. The Offspring and My Sab's gift one-shot (that is coming)

29.I have two coming from my two first works ever, and i cant chose just one so here it is:

The first one comes from the fourth chapter of A Father's child (my first fanfic, pls dont read it, is bad compared to my other works.), and i hold it close to my heart bc summarizes one of the main reasons why im so fixated in Lo'ak and Jake's relathionship, how difficult and fuck up it is, where there is intense amount of love but also a lot of past, guilt, and ghosts:

“I know that I’m a failure to you…” Lo’ak says with a broken voice, a single tear falls from his eye. “But is a lot of begging to look at me? Not as Toruk makto’s soldier or the kid that you were once time ago but as your son, Father….” More tears fall through his face, his voice cracking. “I’m your son, an imperfect one.”

Jake thinks that statement it’s a cruel joke. Every time that he sees Lo’ak since his birth, the first sentence that come always to Jake’s mind is My child. The single one from his children of blood that came to this world with five fingers and eyebrows, the one who is stubborn and capable of jump to the danger without think twice, just like Jake.

"Neteyam is his pride, Kiri his empathy and Tuk his kindness. Lo’ak is the child that could have been born just from Jake’s rib. Jake Sully’s child in appearance, blood and heart.

Jake is scared for him because of that, the last thing that he desires for his boy is the same road and mistakes.

Ending with stained hands and uncountable sins. That simple thought makes Jake want to eat Lo'ak to make him reborn without the curse of being like Jake Sully."

The second one is from the sixth chapter of Look at me (on the horns of a dilemma), this one is mortly bc i suffered writing this with my impostor sindrome hitting me in my guts while my lack of english was not helping me at all, writing something more ambicious than i did before, and im proud that atleast i made to not gave up in it in the process.

"“After days spent doubtful and afraid, Fabian made the decision to free his little brother from Christian’s claws. So, in the dead of night when the eldest boy returned to the house, Fabian mustered the courage to sneak into his brother’s room and steal the shed’s key. When he managed to grab the keys without making noise, he didn't waste any time and ran to the shed so fast his legs ached. He opened the door with trembling hands, but what he was met with was not something he recognized as his brother.”

Lo’ak doesn’t want to feel like he’s walking in a tightrope anymore. He doesn’t want to feel like every breath he takes is a step closer to falling into a void, never to see the sun again. Lo’ak wants to be capable of at least knowing what he really wants for his future, something that is not swimming.

“A chained wolf-beast was what he saw. A beast with a big mouth that contained deadly, stained fangs. A beast with claws that appeared larger than Fabian’s head. It began to growl, which let out a putrid scent from its mouth. The boy froze in front of the thing that he once called a child, staring into its eyes. Dark, foggy-red orbs replacing the warm amber, erasing any trace of innocence, leaving only the dreadful ferocity. Fabian would have begun to cry if not for the sudden sound of the door closing. His heart stopped when he tried to open it and found out that it was locked. He started to scream, begging to be let out. This seemed to irritate the beast behind him, its growls getting louder with every cry. He heard Christian’s voice through the other side of the door, ‘This is what happens when you don’t listen’.”

Lo’ak is aware that the people around him would not even stand him being their sight if they knew about his forbidden lust and he understands why.

“No matter how Fabian begged or cried or screamed, Christian, the perfect son and brother, left his little brother trapped with a monster that, with the sunrise, would wake up as a kid again. A kid that would wake up with blood coating his skin and a new corpse that wasn’t from a sheep.”

But the Sully's middle child can’t stop thinking about his younger self. If the kid that Lo’ak was could see him in the present, what would his impression be?"

Thanks for the asks!!!

#moots #asks games #my writing

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gokartkid · 1 year

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thank u to @onadarklingplain and @sionisjaune for the tag !

10 songs i've been listening to & my favourite lyric

cool about it by boygenius

once i took your medication to know what it's like // and now i have to act like i can't read your mind // i ask you how you're doing and i let you lie

2. thumbs by lucy dacus

I wanna take your face between my hands and say // you two are connected by a pure coincidence // bound to him by blood, but baby, it's all relative // you've been in his fist ever since you were a kid // but you don't owe him shit even if he said you did"

3. the winner takes it all by abba

you've come to shake my hand // i apologise if it makes you feel bad // seeing me so tense // no self confidence // but you see // the winner takes it all

4. goodbye my danish sweetheart by mitski

i don't blame you // if you want to bury me in your memory // i'm not the girl i ought to be, but // maybe when you tell your friends // you can tell them what you saw in me // and not how i turned out to be

5. ceilings by lizzy mcalpine

you kiss me in your car // and it feels like the start of a movie i've seen before // but it's not real // and you don't exist // and i can't recall the last time i was kissed

6. DOGTOOTH by tyler the creator

she could ride my face // i don't want nothing in return // because if she get off then i get off // that's my concern

7. for granted by yaeji

when i think about it // i don't even know // how it got to be this way // how it got to be so good // how it got to be

8. true blue by boygenius

who won the fight? // i don't know, we're not keeping score // and it feels good to be known so well // i can't hide from you like i hide from myself

9. kill v maim by grimes

BEHAVE never more // you gave up being good when you declared a state of war

10. ahoth a go!! go!! by machine girl

free falling through the time after life petrified cause there's nothing that can stop my fall!

and i tag... @vegasgrandprix @raikkonens @blorbocedes and @drivestraight if u want to!!

#tag game #so much sad girl music recently but i hadn't even noticed #i guess thats the vibe... its becoming autumn gloom!

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uselesslilium · 6 months

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[listen on Youtube] [listen on Spotify]

A mix for staring your dysfunctional relationship dead in the eye and deciding you're still committed anyway.

Track list and lyric samples under the cut:

1. Geyser - Mitski You're my number one You're the one I want And I've turned down every hand That has beckoned me to come

2. The Maze - Stars I don't wanna find my way I split the secret room in two I don't wanna find my way out I wanna watch the moon with you

3. 2-1 - Imogen Heap I'm dying to know What's in your head I'm dying to know How we all got in this I'm dying to know To help make some sense of it all I'm dying to know Tell me is it my fault?

4. Bernadette - IAMX You and me in a playhouse Living in a veil We never need to go without Memories bring no joy or peace We are alone and all we need

5. The Enemy - of Verona And how did I become the enemy? Thought this was everything you wanted from me Have I become what you feared Should I disappear this time How did I become the enemy?

6. The Bitter End - Placebo Every step we took that synchronized Every broken bone Reminds me of the second time That I followed you home You showered me with lullabies Had you walking away Reminds me that its killing time On this fateful day

7. A Kiss With a Fist - Florence and the Machine I broke your jaw once before I spilled your blood upon the floor You broke my leg in return So sit back and watch the bed burn Love sticks, sweat drips Break the lock if it don't fit A kick in the teeth is good for some A kiss with a fist is better than none

8. How Much More - Stars Is this the story or is this the end? I always kill your shadow but here we are again In the wild, in the way you love me With your smile, will you ever save, save me? Because we can't freeze ourselves in this hell You came with me so hopeless I fell

9. All Comes Crashing - Metric When push it comes to shove we do not fall out of love We double down, we do not fade

10. Leveler - Half Wait If I'm gonna lose you There's nothin' to do but lose Steppin' in water now It soaks through my shoes, anyway There's no more motion Then how do I move? And be happy that I knew you? I'm gonna find a way To see you again

11. More - Halsey And when you decide it's your time to arrive I've loved you for all of my life And nothing could stop me from giving a try I've loved you for all of my life

12. Finding You - Kesha I know forever don't exist But after this life, I'll find you in the next So when I say "forever," it's the goddamn truth I'll keep finding, finding you

Bonus: Alpha Rats Nest - The Mountain Goats Yeah sing for the damage we've done And the worse things that we'll do Open your mouth up and sing for me now And I will sing for you

#fanmix #satorika #higurashi gou #higurashi no naku koro ni

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artificialqueens · 1 year

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🏳️‍🌈 Your Best American Girl (Gia Gunn/Laganja Estranja) - Lita

Summary: Life on the road is fucking lonely, and Laganja thinks it’s killing her. Gia is adrift in a foreign country, trying and failing to stake out a career. Friendship can be found in the unlikeliest of places - namely a high school gym in Delaware. Femme Fatale Wrestling AU.

A/N: This is essentially the Pretty Dope origin story that I’ve been sitting on half-finished for months. This is set five or six years before the main story iirc, while Gia and Ganja are still working on the indie circuit before getting signed by Femme Fatale. I love these morons and put way too much thought into their respective backstories, and I wish they got less villain-coded airtime in the main story (which won’t be the case for much longer, I promise) so this was stupid fun to write. Re: the song from which I lifted the title and lyrics, Your Best American Girl by Mitski has always been Gia/Ganja crack to me - it was written from the POV of struggling to meet eurocentric beauty standards as a woman of colour trying to date white men, but I think it can also read as a trans narrative and the ‘all-American boy’ line really evokes angst and shit about FFW!Laganja for me, so it’s always really inspired me while writing the two of them. Anyway, hope you all enjoy! <3

CW: Transphobia

Your mother wouldn’t approve

Of how my mother raised me,

But I do, I think I do.

****

There’s something a little disarming about wandering around in a high school after hours. The fluorescent lit hallway leading out of the gymnasium is overbearingly bright and creepily empty. Laganja makes slow, unsteady progress towards the door leading out to the parking lot; one of the wheels of her suitcase fell off while she was trying to get it out of her car earlier, and dragging it around lopsided was proving nothing short of a fucking nightmare.

The show had been far from bad, but she’d just hit her limit - at least it’s only five minutes’ drive to her hotel, maybe fifteen if she goes via McDonald’s like she’s planned. She has a pre-rolled joint in her backpack, and nowhere to be until eleven am the next morning. Then another hours-long drive to the next gig out in the back of beyond, to another shitty match in a shitty school gymnasium or community centre - rinse and repeat. She’d been living out of a suitcase for the better part of a month already, with another two weeks to go before she’d next see the inside of her apartment. She wasn’t at all mad at the payout, but it felt like a lot of work for money she was spending most of on gas and takeout. A little bit of her missed being a ‘real’ athlete - it wasn’t nearly this lonely.

A lot of her missed it, actually. Back then, she’d had teammates to keep her company, and she didn’t have to pay for her own accommodation. Or travel. Or gear. These days, she’s never a standout - just a replaceable body at the bottom of a card, never in the same place more than once. No foundations, no friends. She misses being treated like she mattered.

The scandal had died down since last year - she was finding it easier to get gigs, and could look at her social media without having a panic attack - but it didn’t make things much easier. She was just a little less radioactive than she had been after being kicked off the Olympic team. Rebuilding her life was taking time.

Laganja rounds a corner, still fighting with her suitcase - a loud voice catches her off-guard and she stops dead; ducking behind a row of lockers. It’s a guy’s voice, brash and angry. She doesn’t really want to get herself involved in whatever the fuck this is. At least not until she’s figured out what’s going on.

“What part of leave me the fuck alone don’t you understand?”

“Babe, wait-“ A female voice this time; equally loud and a little abrasive, but with a distinct edge of fear that makes Laganja nervous.

“I’m not your fucking babe- don’t touch me!”

Laganja hears the crash of a body slamming into metal, and winces - craning her neck to peer down the hall. The feminine voice belongs to that Japanese chick she’d worked a match with earlier that night - Gia something? She couldn’t work out at the time whether or not she liked her - she’d stiffed her a little in the ring, and had been pretty closed-off and hard to talk to backstage. Her lip is trembling, and there’s already black streaks of mascara running down her face. The guy has just shoved her into the lockers - pinning her in place with a hand roughly grasped around her shoulder. The other is raised like he’s about to punch her. Laganja’s stomach drops.

“Look, can’t we figure this out?“ Gia’s voice is shaking.

“There’s nothing to figure out - I’m not a fucking homo, okay? So back the fuck off. I’m leaving.”

“But my-“

“I don’t give a shit,” he snarls. “Stop following me around like a lost fucking puppy - we’re done.”

“How the fuck am I gonna get home-“

“I don’t care! You fucking lied to me!”

Gia whimpers. Fuck this - Laganja steps out from where she’d been hiding; this feels like it’s about to get ugly, and she can’t just stand around and let that happen. She tries to say something, but the words get stuck in her throat, standing about ten feet away from them as her mouth opens and closes like a guppy, trying to string a sentence together with her fists clenched by her sides.

Doesn’t matter - the guy sees her there, and his eyes widen. He practically sprints towards the door; shoving it open with his shoulder and letting it slam behind him. Gia crumples against the lockers. As soon as he’s out of eyeshot, Laganja drops her case, making straight for Gia. She’s sitting on the ground; hugging her knees and crying. Laganja crouches down at her side.

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

She looks up, sniffing a little. She’s still wearing her ring gear, a black and red high-necked two-piece, with an oversized hoodie shrugged over the top.

“I’m fine,” she murmurs, avoiding eye contact with Laganja as she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Is he-“

“Fuck off,” Gia pulls away sharply from the hand that Laganja had placed on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry - I don’t want to shove my nose into your business or anything, but like…hey, weren’t we in a match together earlier?”

The brunette gives a nonplussed shrug; pulling out her phone from the pocket of her hoodie and wiping away her running mascara with the aid of her front camera. Laganja fishes a travel pack of Kleenex out of her backpack and offers it to her. She takes it begrudgingly, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. Laganja sits down on the floor next to her, crossing her legs and leaning against the locker.

“You’re doing a really bad job at fucking off,” Gia observes.

“I heard most of your conversation - I figured you don’t have a ride home, or anywhere to sleep tonight, and I’m not gonna leave you stranded out here in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere. I’m waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and realise that I’m trying to help you, okay?”

The brunette cracks half a smile.

“Bitch.”

“Takes one to know one,” Laganja smirks. “What’s your name?”

“You seriously did not forget what my name is after an hour-“

“No, I mean your real one.” She gives a bemused laugh. Pro wrestling etiquette is a language she’s still trying to decipher - she’s not sure whether or not that’s something she should have asked, but the question is out there now. There’s probably a stupid made-up word for the question she’d been trying to ask. Shoot name? She thinks that’s maybe it. “Mine’s Lucy, by the way.”

“It’s still Gia,” she replies, a little thorny. Then: “I’m gonna stick with calling you Laganja, though. That’s funnier.”

“Thanks,” Ganja rolls her eyes. She turns to Gia, her face turning a little more serious. “So, what’s going on?”

“With what?” Gia says, her tone half uncertain and half sharply defensive.

“You know - that guy. Looked pretty bad from where I was standing.”

“Oh, Trey’s my boyfriend. Or well, I guess was. I…” she sighs, chewing over her words a little. “One of the- look, why the fuck am I telling you this?”

“Because I wanna help,” Laganja replies simply. Gia purses her lips.

“One of the guys backstage told him something about me that I wasn’t ready to tell him, and he got mad, okay? So it’s basically my fault.”

“What the fuck could they have told him that made him that mad?” Laganja raises her eyebrows. “None of that was okay.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Gia hugs her knees.

“Listen - I just met you, and after tonight we’re probably never gonna see each other again. Who am I gonna tell? It’s just between us.” Gia doesn’t seem impressed. Laganja offers a hand out to her. “Pinkie swear.”

Gia looks a little wary, hushing her voice and ignoring the childish proffered hand. “I…I’m transgender. I was like, born a guy. It’s not something I wanna make a big deal of, it’s just that-“

Laganja has to hold in a laugh, realising that now might not be the right time.

“Seriously? Bitch, me too!”

Gia looks taken aback.

“Shut up,” she says, shrinking away from Laganja. Fuck. She thinks she’s mocking her.

“I’m not kidding - honest to god.” Gia eases up a little. “And by the way, wether you told him or not, that doesn’t give him the right to treat you like that.”

Gia doesn’t say anything.

“I mean it - I’ve dealt with my share of this shit, and there’s no excuse for it. What he said to you was fucking wrong, period. Doesn’t matter how upset he is.”

“I was gonna tell him - I just didn’t think he’d react like that. Plus like, he was gonna find out eventually.” Gia laughs a little grimly. “I told him I was saving myself for marriage, and I don’t think I was gonna be able to like, keep that up for much longer.”

Laganja gives a tight-lipped smile, slightly uncomfortable. Not with Gia, with the situation. She hadn’t even attempted dating since she’d come out, and this was exactly why. Too scared of what people would think - or say, or do. After seeing the full, horrendous extent of the first ‘big’ reaction to her transition, it didn’t bear thinking about. Didn’t exactly help that her parents, who she’d been outed to in the midst of the whole scandal, had barely said a word to her since, and her teammates had thrown her to the wolves.

“Well, he’s a loser who doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Laganja eventually says. She stands up, walking back down the hall to grab her broken suitcase, before returning to Gia and holding a hand out to her. Gia looks perplexed.

“What are you-?”

“C’mon - I need dinner, and I’m not leaving you here.”

****

“You want any more?”

Laganja holds the joint out to Gia - sitting in the passenger seat of her car. The brunette shakes her head, a hint of a laugh in her voice.

“Nah - I’m good.”

“You sure?” Laganja takes another drag; trying to talk while holding in smoke.

“Totally sure - I…you got me really fucking high,” Gia giggles, leaning against the door of the car. She aims a handful of fries for her mouth and misses - dropping most of them into her shirt.

“I think you needed it, honey,” Laganja smiles, watching Gia trying to pick fries off of her chest with her tongue, like a lizard. She’s loosened up a hell of a lot, Laganja thinks as she flicks ash into the empty Coke can on her dashboard.

“Yeah,” Gia says airily. “Y’know, you’re the first person I’ve met who’s like, like me. And you’re really fucking cool. I like you.”

“You’re just saying that because I bought you food and let you smoke my weed.”

“Nah - seriously,” Gia insists - rambling a little, her eyes overly-moist and tinged pink. “I’ve never met another trans girl - I knew that I was one, but you’re like….you’re the first. It’s like we’re fucking unicorns or some shit.”

Ganja smiles.

“So, what the fuck is your story, Gia?”

“What?” Gia giggles, still fighting with her fries.

“How did you wind up stuck out here, with him? You’re too fucking good in the ring to be working in a high school gym in fucking Delaware.”

“I started training when I was like, eleven,” Gia says, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. Laganja notices her slack jaw, and tries to pick it up off the floor before Gia sees it too. “It’s like, normal in Japan. Both my parents are wrestlers, it was sort of always gonna be my thing.”

“But what are you doing here?”

“It’s part of the training system - we call it a ‘learning excursion’. You get sent to the US for like, a year before you debut on TV back home, learn to speak better English and work different styles or whatever. So I came over when I was nineteen. Then while I was here, I figured out my whole…” she gestures awkwardly at herself. “This, and now I don’t think I can go back home. Well, I could - but I ditched training, so I think my parents will want to kill me, and also I have tits now - I don’t know how they’ll feel about that but I don’t think I want to. So for the last three years, I’ve just been taking whatever shitty gigs I can get, lying to my parents about getting signed to WWE developmental so they think I’m too busy to talk to them, and trying to like…I don’t know. Live.”

“God.” Laganja grimaces, sucking down the last few puffs that the joint has to offer.

“Your turn - what’s your damage, Miss Laganja?”

Laganja squirms a little. She glances into the backseat at the Team USA backpack that she still uses. It feels a little bit like stolen valour.

“Kinda similar. Not as cool. I was an amateur wrestler - and I was fucking good at it. Like, Olympics good. I was meant to go to London in 2012, but I’d already started hormones and obviously that got flagged up in my drug tests, so I got disqualified and then the news went apeshit about it because it got misreported and people thought I wanted to compete for the women’s team. So I sort of just went and lived under a rock for a year until the shitshow died down, and then started doing this. I’m still pretty new to it.”

“You are really good,” Gia says, kind of aloof like she doesn’t want to be caught giving Ganja real praise.

“Thanks.” Laganja’s cheeks flush pink.

“Also that’s fucked up. What happened to you, I mean.” Gia pulls a face.

“Yeah, but I don’t know what I thought was going to happen. At least this way I can actually be myself.” Laganja shrugs. “And nobody seems to care - real sports it’s all ‘biological advantage’ this, ‘biological advantage’ that, but this is all staged, so nobody gives a shit. And the outfits are better.” She gives a laugh, watching the evening sky shift from deep orange to star-scattered blue through the dirty windshield. “I never wanna see a fucking singlet again.”

“Tell me about it,” Gia giggles. “It’s like, a whole thing with the Young Lions - the rookie wrestlers back home - that you don’t get to have a distinct look until you graduate. Just black trunks and a shitty haircut.” Gia pulls out her phone, flicking at warp speed through her camera roll and then zooming in on a group picture. She turns the phone to Laganja - it’s filled with the image of a depressed-looking teenage boy with a buzz cut, standing shirtless and shoulder-to-shoulder with a group of similarly uniform but presumably less miserable kids. Laganja’s eyes widen.

“No fucking way is that you!” She gasps. “That’s insane - you look so different.”

“Thanks, it took a lot of work.” Gia half-laughs.

“Seriously - you’re like…so much hotter now. It’s not even funny. Your stupid boyfriend doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“Shut up - you’re hot.” Gia smiles, her head lolling back. She puts a hand on Laganja’s thigh. Laganja’s skin tingles.

“And you’re high.”

“Am not.” Gia flops sideways, her head resting on Laganja’s shoulder. “I’m glad I met you, Ganj. You’re really nice. And really pretty.”

Laganja blushes again. She doesn’t think anyone has ever called her ‘pretty’ before. She tries to keep her eyes fixed in front of her, like she’s driving, but Gia’s hand is cupping her cheek now - soft fingers brushing against her sweat-misted skin, gazing up at her with hazy brown eyes. When Laganja looks down, Gia inches closer to her - hesitantly pressing their weed-dry lips together. Laganja doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she also doesn’t try to stop her.

The brunette parts Laganja’s lips with an exploratory tongue, and Laganja - no idea what she’s thinking, no intention of questioning it - lets her, closing her eyes and deepening the kiss, one hand leaving the steering wheel to cup the back of Gia’s head. Gia murmurs softly, and then she pulls away before Laganja has really figured out what’s going on. Once her touch is gone, she kind of misses it.

Gia is laughing again, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Sorry. I don’t know what the fuck that was. Guess I am high.”

“It’s okay. I liked it,” Laganja admits hesitantly. Gia reaches a hand out for hers, clasping them together. “What now? Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?”

“Fuck no,” Gia pulls a face. “And I don’t have anything booked for…” she pauses to think, counting on her fingers. “Fucking ages. I was just tagging along with Trey since most promotions don’t bother booking a women’s match until the last second, but now he’s gone.”

“You can tag along with me,” Laganja offers. “I’m crashing here tonight and then I’ve got a show in Pittsburgh tomorrow - come along for the ride, I can try and get you on the card.”

“Sure - if you’re sure.” Gia looks hesitant.

“Positive. I kinda miss having company. And you’re really cute.”

“No, you.” Gia smiles drowsily. Pulling Laganja closer by the hand she’s holding, Gia tries sloppily to initiate another kiss, and this time Laganja doesn’t hesitate.

For the first time in months, she doesn’t feel quite so alone.

****

You’re an all-American boy,

I guess I couldn’t help trying to be

Your best American girl.

Pride Challenge Points: 5331

#rpdr fanfiction #laganja estranja #gia gunn #gia x laganja #wrestling au #glow au #femme fatale wrestling au #t4t #hurt/comfort #s6 #fic challenge #trans character #(s)#bitch fight #lita #tw transphobia

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