#made me think of my dad and stepmom’s (and mine) dog

[bluejaysandblackbats]

In The Soup

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: Jason Lives AU where he and Superboy become friends, despite Bruce's disapproval of Superboy. (ft. Jason's service dog, Gromit)

Chapters: 5/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Conner Kent, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech

Relationships: TBA

Additional Tag: Jason Todd Lives, Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain, Jason Todd Has PTSD, Conner Kent is Superboy, Good Friend Jason Todd, Protective Jason Todd, Overprotective Bruce Wayne, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Disabled Characters, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Get Along, Good Parent Bruce Wayne, Developing Friendships, Sneaking Around, Disguise, Fluff and Humor, Secret Messages, Hiding in Plain Sight

Chapter Five: Everything Okay in the Home?

"And where have you been? And what are you wearing?" Rex questioned as he yanked on the button-up shirt Superboy borrowed from Jason.

"I went out for dinner," Superboy replied as he pulled Rex's cap over his face on the way to the fridge. "I told you we'd reschedule the stunt for later this week."

"You're messing with my livelihood, kid," Rex replied. Superboy grabbed a rootbeer and a carton of ice cream.

Superboy didn't reply. He dropped a scoop of ice cream into a to-go cup and poured his soda over the vanilla ice cream. "And what are you doing while my life is actively falling apart?" Rex questioned.

"I didn't get to stay for dessert. So... I'm having dessert. I might even have another microwave burrito if I'm feeling like it. Rex, I told you for the bajillionth time, I'm gonna do the stunt here... And uh—. Can we stick around for a bit? The government might not get on us about the gigs if I get enrolled in school, and you know—. Have a place of residence..."

Rex took a breath. "This city isn't the most lucrative—."

"For freaks... But maybe the city could have another hero," Superboy replied as he took a straw and spoon, letting it dance around in the cup.

"The school situation... How serious is that?" Rex questioned. He tapped on the kitchen counter.

"It's the government, Rex... I think they're pretty serious," Superboy replied. He broke the ice cream in the to-go cup, eating spoon-tipped bites of ice cream saturated in carbonated rootbeer residue. It was by no means a sophisticated dessert, but it made Superboy feel good. "They want me in a school, and I wanna attend school at Gotham Academy."

"And Roxy wants a pair of Jimmy Chus," Rex replied, "Try to be more realistic S-B."

"And another thing... I don't wanna be Superboy all the time anymore. I—. Maybe you can call me Conner when I'm dressed like this," Conner suggested.

"Conner? Where the hell did you get a name like that?" Rex asked.

"I don't know, Dad. I think it works for him... And maybe it'd help with the school thing," Roxy replied, "He could have an alter ego. All he needs is a new wardrobe... Preferably one that doesn't fit so snug." She tugged at his t-shirt.

"Not mine... I borrowed it from somebody," Conner defended himself, "And I know somebody who could get me into Gotham Academy. All I have to do is ask for their help."

He finished his rootbeer float and left Rex and Roxy with more questions than answers. He showered and slipped into bed, but not before texting Jason's phone. Conner didn't expect an answer. But he got one.

"Wanna hang out again? Or did you change your mind?" Jason replied through texts.

"Yeah... And I wanted to know if your stepmom could help me," Conner replied.

"She's not my stepmom, but yeah. Ask her in person tomorrow. Lmk, once you're on your way, I'll let you in. Pills kicked in, so I gotta go. Gn Conner," Jason answered.

"Gn, Jason," Conner replied. He stared at the ceiling until sleep flooded in.

*

Conner woke up to a phone call in the morning. Conner reached over the side of the bed, one wrist draped over his forehead as he answered. "What's up?" Conner grumbled.

"Sorry, were you asleep?" Jason asked.

"No," Conner lied. Jason laughed.

"I can call you back—."

"No... No," Conner sat up and ran a hand over his face. "What's up?"

Jason winced. "Are you hurt?" Conner asked.

"Nope," Jason replied cooly, "I fell."

"Jeez, are you okay?" Conner questioned as he got out of bed.

"Mhm. It's nothing," Jason replied, "I called to ask if you wanted to have breakfast and spend the day here. I'm making BLTs."

"Sick," Conner replied, "Let me get dressed. I'll be over there in fifteen minutes."

"No rush," Jason replied, "See you soon."

*

Meanwhile, Jason pulled himself up with Gromit's help and sat in his chair. "Good morning," Barbara greeted Jason. It wasn't a warm greeting. It felt like a question.

"Every morning is a good morning, Barbara," Jason answered, "What do you wanna know?"

"Jason, what was yesterday about?" Barbara questioned. She fixed her glasses as she looked at him. Barbara's eyes were unrelenting. They scanned him, knowing every part of him. She knew his truths and lies before he could tell them.

"I'm sorry that I lied to you about Superboy... But he seems nice. Doesn't he?" Jason asked.

"Jason... You had a panic attack yesterday," Barbara replied. Jason ran a hand through his hair. "Jason—."

"Uh-huh!" Jason interrupted. "Sorry... Yeah, sorry—. I—. Barbara, I have a confession to make. I have PTSD."

Barbara gasped, covering her mouth with one hand. "No! I never woulda guessed it," Barbara replied. Then they laughed. "Jason, does it have something to do with what Bruce did? He told me what happened that night... He told me you wouldn't talk about it."

"What is there to talk about? I don't even know what I saw," Jason lied, "I was pumped full of pain medication and—."

"Jason, he scared you that night, didn't he?" Barbara asked.

Jason tried to wheel past her, but her chair blocked him in. "Barbara cut it out. Please—."

"You promised you wouldn't mince your words with me," Barbara replied.

Jason hid his face in his hands, and Gromit rested his head on Jason's feet. "Like I said, I was messed up that night. I was on muscle relaxers, antibiotics, antidepressants, and sleeping pills and hadn't been home since before the accident... I was disoriented—."

"It doesn't make your experience any less valid or frightening, Jason. What did you feel?" Barbara asked. "I'll let you go once you're honest with me. I can't know if you're okay unless you talk to me."

"I was terrified, Barbara," Jason snapped, "I was having a bad reaction to the muscle relaxers... And I wanted him to take care of me. I wanted him, not Alfred or Dick or you or anybody else. I waited for him, and he was so messed up he didn't even see me. I know what-. I understand what he did to us, Barbara, but I never expected Bruce to pulverize him like that. He could've killed him that night... And who is Batman if—. Batman can't—."

"He was your father first. Bruce made a mistake and lost control, but you've gotta understand that it was all fresh. You were barely on solid foods after what happened to you—."

"And that's why I don't wanna be Robin anymore. If I get hurt out there, I don't know what he'll do... And that scares me. It's scarier than the thought of dying," Jason confessed, "I don't want anything to do with Robin anymore. I want Robin to stay dead."

"You still need to learn how to protect yourself, Jason. Sparring isn't about getting back in the field... It's about preparing for the inevitable. I'm not gonna push you, but I want you to know everyone would sleep a lot easier if they knew you had every tool at your disposal to protect yourself," Barbara explained, "We're not gonna be around all the time... And Bruce would have an easier time letting you grow up if he knew you'd be okay."

"Sparring, but no missions?" Jason questioned.

"Not a single one. It's a self-defense class," Barbara reassured him, "Taught by yours truly."

Jason smiled. "Barbara, has anybody ever told you you're a hardass?" Jason teased. Barbara messed up his hair.

"Just about everyone I've ever met," Barbara replied, "Now go make breakfast."

#fic #in the soup fic #superfam #batfam #Jason Todd #Bruce Wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #Barbara Gordon #Conner Kent #Roxy Leech #Rex Leech #Jason Todd Lives #Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain #Jason Todd Has PTSD #Conner Kent is Superboy #Good Friend Jason Todd #Protective Jason Todd #Overprotective Bruce Wayne #Barbara Gordon is Oracle #Disabled Characters #Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Get Along #Good Parent Bruce Wayne #Developing Friendships #Sneaking Around #Disguise #Fluff and Humor #Secret Messages #Hiding in Plain Sight

[sojournerstales]

The Obliteration Pit

A personal essay about shame and dysphoria.

I'm going to talk about what I've been calling delineated shame.

I share a lot of media taste with my uncle. When a new series of a certain favourite show comes out, my partner and I will visit his house once a week to watch new episodes over take-out pizza. Really, aside from my dead mom he is the one family member I find it easiest to have casual conversation with. I can talk to my dad under certain circumstances: Walking the dogs, or trapped in a car, but it's a bit more difficult without the common ground of pop-culture geekdom. I so often find myself at a loss of what to say - they are adults, the talk about jobs and finances and being busy with things.

I talk about video games or TV shows and when it comes to being busy I feel inadequate because my version of busy-ness is when I've had to vacuum the living room and wash the dishes all in one day. These things in the context of my older brother talking about working from home with a child in the house, or my dad converting the spare room into a workshop, feel so small. So I don't talk about video games or TV shows or vacuuming. I smile and say 'yeah' a lot and wait for my uncle to show up.

So my uncle's house. Pizza. Shared interest show. It's easier. We talk about the show, or video games, or sometimes even my writing. He actually seems to respect my opinions on these things and between him and my partner I don't feel so inadequate. On this day I happen to be wearing dungarees and a baggy t-shirt with a rainbow across the front. I think it's appropriate cosy-lesbian-core and I've never been shy about queer-coding myself around family members. In this case I do remark that I think it fits the same retro vibe that the show we're watching is going for.

Here I am myself, dressed in a way that I like to dress myself.

At a certain point I'll excuse myself for the bathroom and leave my partner and my uncle talking. They get along well and I'm glad for that. I think in general my partner has really helped me get along with my family. If we are perceived as a unit then I can attach to their hip and take some of that social standing they earn by knowing how to be a successful adult. Sometimes I think this is an unfair thing to put on a person, so I try to make it up to them.

When I first came out to my family there was this feeling that I had just made myself worse in some other new way. Dropped out of school, couldn't find a job, and now I'm disadvantaging myself further by being transgender? In this economy? When I open my mouth to talk about inadequate things I'm reminded of that. Being able to talk about my partner feels like me saying, 'see? I can succeed!'

Anyway, I'm in my dungarees in my uncle's bathroom. It's upstairs and tucked out of the way and a little messy in the way that bachelor's bathrooms are messy. Not nearly as messy as mine. The awkward thing about dungarees is you end up feeling mostly undressed when doing bathroom stuff. It feels weird to be in my uncle's house with so much denim around my ankles and my shoes. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much cola, because then I wouldn't be upstairs in the bathroom when there is a good chance that downstairs I am being talked about. I don't want to be too quick or too long or anything particularly noteworthy in this scenario, and it's a lot to think about along with the feeling of - again - denim dungarees around my ankles.

This sort of thing is how the feeling starts - that combination of discomfort and unreasonable paranoia and memories of inadequacy. Physically it is above my stomach and below my chest and burrowing deep. I call it delineated shame.

I remember being about ten and wetting myself. I don't remember the circumstances around it, but I do remember the unfinished wood floor of my dad's bathroom and him and my stepmom in the doorway looking at each other and then me, neither quite sure what to do with my distressed self. I remember a couple of things from school, one of them is having a meltdown in class and being called out and disciplined by the head of year and I told her to shut the fuck up. I also remember being asked by a classmate if I could wink, but I wasn't co-ordinated enough to prove that I could and just ended up awkwardly twitching my face.

I remember my body from before transitioning. Flat chest and awkward dick and pacing from the bathroom door to my bedroom because that's the sort of ritual I had to conduct to even be able to consider stepping into the shower. I remember intense first-crushes so bad that I'm guilty of imagined hand-holding. I remember a kind therapist on the other side of a free-standing whiteboard talking to me about my feelings.

None of these are in a particular order. They just come to me from that pit above the stomach and below the chest.

I'm afraid of heights. I'm also afraid of large objects in deep bodies of water, or expanding chasms. I think these fears are connected to the feeling of vertigo I get from looking at tall buildings or into deep pits. Either at the bottom or the top I feel a sort of weightlessness that starts at the top of my head and wavers down to my feet, taking out my breath along the way.

Shame is a feeling of vertigo.

Shame is standing at the edge of a pit and leaning to look down into it. If I slip I will be falling through my dad's bathroom, the school office, the shower at seventeen years old, an old crush's bedroom, behind a whiteboard, all while gripping my uncle's bathroom sink for an anchor.

A lot of the things in this pit are not strictly about my body, but I am at the center of all of them and so my body is too. I had always hated anyone having a perception of me, physically seeing me. The feeling of eye-contact perforated my skin and scratched at my bones. It was like they could look through the body into my own personal pit right where all the shame sits.

This was something I felt before I learned what 'transgender' was, so I haven't always called it dysphoria. I've always known it as someone else perceiving the wrongness of my own body and mind. It is not a coincidence that all my shameful memories put me right back into the old body along with the old brain.

I often like to say that I don't actively experience dysphoria anymore. I did HRT. I did surgery. I have a D-cup chest and a pussy and I know how to do my make-up and most of my clothes are from the women's section and the clothes that aren't are stolen from my partner. The list of current facts about me are undeniable and suggest I should be over dysphoria. The body is changed and the mind is improved. So I come back to delineated shame. I come back to the memory of dysphoria. I come back to remembering what it was like doing the pre-op appointments and having a doctor and his chaperone take a look at my dick (unpleasant, at best).

So I'm in my uncles bathroom with my dungarees around my ankles and shoes and I am sat on the toilet. That is where I am. I'm remembering also being naked in my bedroom in front of the blue light of my webcam. At the time it was validation, at the time it was something I felt good about - mostly. In the present moment it is the knowledge that I ever needed the validation in the first place. Now there is someone out there that possesses the mental image of the version of my body that I hated.

There are people out there who know what I looked like. The doctor at the gender clinic who wanted to do a full physical before prescribing hormones. A different doctor from the same clinic who leaned forward and said, 'Your eyebrows could do with some work.' Professionals measured me to determine if I could become a girl, and then one Christmas I wore my favourite red dress and spent the evening being called by the wrong name and pronouns.

I feel awful. I pull my dungarees back up and clip on the straps and tuck my t-shirt neatly. I wash my hands and catch myself in the mirror. Awkward nose and long mouth and the tiniest bit of stubble that only I can perceive (or so everyone tells me). I left the house confident enough to not put make-up on and then there was one moment where I had to feel naked in private and the memory of dysphoria started climbing up through the very middle of my body.

I don't know how to make the pit go away or whether I can mentally board it up or fill it in. I think that's the point of all this shame being a pit, you don't get to move a big hole in the ground. I guess if I followed my own metaphor, I would just slowly skirt around the edges and hope I don't fall in. Falling in would be death.

Or I take a deep breath in and a big step back from the obliteration pit. It's there, but I needn't stare into it. My partner and my uncle are downstairs and my pizza is getting cold.

#queer #personal essay #dysphoria #shame #transgender #i'm actually doing alright i just wanted to get this off my chest #i've just been trying to figure out how to describe my sense of dysphoria

[breathingwithdifficulty]

going to my dads house is difficult for multiple reasons, but one i don't often talk about is just how the environment is so uncomfortable compared to how it was when i lived there.

obviously almost all of my stuff is gone, and my dad's now-wife (i still can't call her my stepmom, its just a mental block for me) has moved in all her stuff, but it's just smaller things that get to me.

he changed the lightbulbs in my old room. it used to just be one orange bulb, because it was less harsh on my eyes, and now its two bright white ones. there's no little lamps or anything to turn on so i either have to sent in darkness or complete brightness, and its bothersome. its too much either way.

he likes to turn the a/c fan off now. it used to always be on, but now he says he likes the silence, so he keeps it off most of the time. i have to turn it on because, to me, the silence is stifling. it almost feels like that noise-cancelling pressure you get with nice headphones. not painful, but just heavy.

i don't know why i came back here for a whole week. i just wanted to see my friend a bit earlier, but i wish i had stayed home an extra day or two. i feel insane because i don't particularly mind staying here, but i just would rather be home, even if i'd be alone and maybe lonely there. im still lonely here, but that's just sadder.

ive only been home a day and my dad has (all jokingly, mind you, always joking) called my friend a slut because she was wearing a crop top, called my roommates mom a pedophile because she offered me a place to live after college if i needed it (which was incredibly kind because she knows my difficulties with my parents and hasn't even met me in person), made a joke about women belonging in the kitchen, and had an uncomfortable conversation when i opened up enough to tell him i was romantically talking to someone. not to mention the dozens of times so far he has outright ignored me or walked away while i was talking (even if i was answer a question that he asked in the first place).

this is all difficult to communicate with people because none of it is outright painful or mean, it's just uncomfortable. when im here, it feels like im having to parent my own dad like "is that a nice thing to say?" or "let's rephrase that" and having to be mature and put together because he's not. and his wife is nice, she asks how i am and what im doing but i don't think she really wants to know. she asks to be nice and because she likes me, but sometimes its just like talking to a wall who's smiling at me constantly.

the holidays are hard. im glad i have my own place now, and i wish i would've stayed there just a little longer. my sister isn't even coming to stay too, so i have no one to endure this with. sometimes its really exhausting just being home, where no one really listens and my bedsheets aren't my own and i have to dig thru the closet for musty blankets because i didn't bring any.

i brought my weighted dinosaur, which made me feel a bit silly carrying it out from the car, but he helps. even if it rubs me wrong when my dad throws him or punches his stomach or when my friend lets her dogs sniff and lick at him. it's sooo silly, i know this, but it's like it makes every inch of me be all spikey, child-like, saying "no, that's mine, don't hurt it, it's mine" over a dino.

damn.

10:50pm

11/19/23

#cursing tw #.txt #inner child

[noladyme]

The Crown Princess of Charming - part 2

Welcome to Charming - its name says it all. Cat needed a fresh start; and though she hadn’t planned on that being in the arms of the crown prince of this little town’s bikerclub - that was what happened. This Charming CA would either be the death of her - or a whole new life.

Rated M

Tag-list

@wolf-lover-bookdragon

@wonderlandfandomkingdom

2

The following Monday, I got up early; excited for my new job – and admittedly still reeling from the night I’d had at the clubhouse with Jax. He’d texted me before I even got back to motel; and when I looked at my phone in my room, I blushed. - thanks for coming tonight. Miss you already – J I’d answered immediately. - I’m sure there are crow-eaters enough at the clubhouse to hold you over ;-) 5 minutes later my phone vibrated. - None of them taste like pancakes. Or have your pretty eyes. I was grinning like an idiot. - Goodnight, Jackson :-) - Night, babe ;-)

I’d spent the Sunday relaxing and watching bad tv; once in a while answering a text from Jax. They were mostly just thinking of you, messages; a few of them with raunchy subtext – but they kept the fire in my belly burning.

This morning I put on my favorite knee-length summer dress. Even though it was October; California was still hot; and the dress was cool enough to make the heat bearable; but still conservative enough for work. I decided to leave the top button undone. Now shame in flaunting the ladies, I smiled to myself. My necklace on, and a light makeup – and I was off.

My “new” chevy ran like a dream, and I arrived to my first workday in style – if you consider classic cars and dog-smell, style. My new coworkers were all friendly; and there was a bouquet of pink roses on my desk when I walked into my class-room. There was no card attached.

Last period was 6’th grade English. During roll-call, I noticed Opie’s daughter – Ellie – at the back of the room. I sent her a knowing smile; and her lip twitched in response. She seemed shy. After 45 minutes of analyzing The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; class was dismissed. Ellie walked up to me, once all the other kids had left the room.

“Miss Rose?”, she said quietly. “What’s up, Ellie?”, I smiled. “Lyla wants to know if you can come over for coffee tomorrow”, the girl said. “Tell her I’d love to. At your house?”. Ellie nodded. “Lyla’s kind of my stepmom”, she muttered. “She’s nice”, I smiled. Ellie smiled. “Yeah, I think so”. I packed up my things to finish for the day. “So, after school tomorrow?”, I asked. Ellie nodded. “I’ll give you a ride home then”, I said. “You can show me the way”. The girl grinned at me.

As I left my classroom, I was met by by the principal. “Mr. Thoms!”, I said. “Please, Catherine, call me Ray”, the man smiled. “Ray”, I grinned. “I just stopped by to see how your first day went”, the man said. “It’s been great. The kids are amazing; and you’ve all been so welcoming. Thanks for the flowers on my desk!”. Ray looked in to my classroom. “They’re lovely, but I don’t think we got you any flowers”, he smiled awkwardly. “Oh… must have been some of the kids”, I said. “Must have”, the principal answered. “Well; once again, welcome. I think you’ll be a good addition to the staff. I know there was an issue with your records, though…”. I flushed red. “Yes. I… there was a misunderstanding at my old school”, I said. “I promise you won’t have any problems with me, sir”. Ray nodded, and clenched his jaw. “I’m sure we won’t… nevertheless; I’m afraid you’ll have to do regular drug-testing”, he said. “I’m sorry, Catherine, but it’s out of my hands”. I nodded. “I understand. I’ll do whatever’s necessary”, I said. “But I must admit I’m confused. I thought those accusations were erased from my records”. Ray shrugged. “I received an addition to them l this morning. I was told they’d been forgotten in the transfer”. I frowned.

Ray shook my hand; and smiled. “Don’t worry. We all have our pasts to deal with. It’s the teacher you are now that matters”. He walked to his office; and left me behind – deeply confused; and extremely frustrated.

---

The next day I had coffee with Lyla at Opie’s house. He had left on some club business, the night before.

“Is it hard to just sit here, and not know when he’ll be home?”, I asked, sipping at the perfect cup of caffeine she’d made. “This is good!”, I added. “Thanks. I used to work at a coffee-shop before I went into the business”. She didn’t mention what that business was. She continued. “It is hard, but I know his brothers have his back”. I frowned. “Why do they need to have each other’s backs? Lyla sighed. “What they do… it’s not always legal”. I nodded solemnly. “What about TM?”. She shook her head. “Being a mechanic doesn’t exactly pay well”, she smiled. “They do have the studio going for them”. “What studio?” “Cara Cara”, she said quietly. “Porn. It’s where I work”. I almost choked on my coffee. “I knew I recognized you”, I smiled. She seemed uncomfortable for a second. “I love your work”, I added. Lyla chuckled. “I didn’t think you’d be a fan of porn”, she grinned. “I have the internet”, I laughed. “But I’ll stay away from your movies from now on. It’d be weird, seeing as you’re Ellies stepmom”.

We laughed for a while. “You heard from Jax since the party?”, she asked. I nodded. “We talk… He texted me this morning. Just a hello”. She smirked. “He likes you”. “He doesn’t know me”, I muttered. “He knows enough, I think”, she replied. “I haven’t seen him like this before. He’s usually a one-night kind of guy”. I bit my lip nervously. “We didn’t…”, I muttered. She put her hand on top of mine. “Still… he’s different around you”, she said. “Softer”. “I’d hope not”, I smirked. Lyla widened her eyes at me and chuckled. “Slut!”, she giggled. I shrugged.

Finishing our coffee, and saying goodbye to the kids – lending Ellie my copy of Coraline – I left Opie’s house, and walked over to my car. I could have sworn that I locked it, but it was open when I got there. “Weird”, I muttered to myself; but it was old, and I figured something was wrong with the locks. I’d have TM take a look at it.

---

Once at the garage, I was met by Gemma, who was carrying Abel on her hip. “Hey, sweetheart”, she smiled. “Chevy treating you ok?”. I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, but I think something’s wrong with the locks. I locked it, but it was open when I got back”. Gemma frowned. “That sounds weird… let the guys take a look at it”, she said. “Coffee?”. “I just got here from coffee with Lyla”, I said. “Still amped on caffeine”. Gemma chuckled. “Well, this little guy kept me up all night”, she said, and bounced Abel on her arm. “So I’m having a cup. Follow me”.

Gemma told one of the guys in the garage to look at my locks, and we walked into her office. “Could you take him?”, she said; and lifted Abel of her hip; handing him to me. “Uhm… yeah”, I said; taking the baby in my arms. “Hey little man!”, I smiled at the beautiful boy.

Gemma nearly downed a full mug off coffee in one go. “Wow; he did keep you up”, I laughed. “He’s like his dad – always at it at all hours of the day”, Gemma grinned. I frowned, and sat down on the little couch; still holding Abel in my arms. “Doesn’t he live with Jackson?”, I asked. Gemma nodded. “I take him when the guys need to do some work”, she said. “Jax’ll be back in a little while. Probably having had less sleep than me”.

Abel began fussing; and I shushed him, kissing his forehead. “You better get used to that, if you’re sticking around”, Gemma said earnestly. “I… don’t know what… it’s new”. Gemma nodded; and looked at me softly bouncing Abel on my arm; holding him against my shoulder. “You’re good with him”, she said. “Who?”, I smirked. “Both of them”, she said. “Keep it up”.

We talked about this and that for a while – Gemma letting me in on the story with Jax’s father, and how he’d passed away from a motorcycle accident. She seemed sad about the loss; but made it clear she was happy with Clay. “He’s as stubborn as an ass; but I’m even more so”, she smiled proudly. “He started the club with JT – Jackson’s father”. “And now Jax is the VP”, I said; feeling Abel fall asleep in my arms. “Yeah”, she smiled. “I guess that’s how it goes”. I nodded.

A bearded mechanic stepped in to the office. “Gem’; I can’t find anything wrong with the lock. Are you sure you locked it, miss?”, he said to me. I frowned. “Must have turned the key the wrong way…”, I said. Gemma narrowed her eyes at me. “It’s been a long couple of days, huh?”, she said. “Day’s. Weeks. Months…”, I chuckled, and handed back Abel to her. He was fully asleep. “I’m gonna take off. What do I owe you?”. “Not a thing”, Gemma smiled. “See you later, Cat”. I nodded. “See you”.

I drove back to my motel room, and made myself a light dinner; exhaustion taking over me in spite of the coffee Lyla had made. I went to sleep early; hearing motorcycles driving down the street outside.

---

I woke up to my phone ringing. “Hello?”, I rasped. “Hey, Cat”. I could practically hear Jax’s smile through the phone. “Hi”, I answered. “What’s up? What time is it?”. “7 am. I’m outside. Buy you breakfast?”. I stumbled out of bed. “You’re outside?”. He chuckled. “Yeah. Come on. The guy at the reception is giving me the stink eye”. “I’ll be there in 5”, I said. “See you”. He hung up.

I threw on what was cleanest – jeans, tank top and a cardigan – and grabbed my workbag. I decided mascara and eyeliner would have to do today. Jax was just going to have to deal with the dark circles under my eyes. I brushed my teeth, and was out the door.

Jax was leaning against his bike; when I got outside. His eyes lit up when he saw me. “Hey, darlin’!”, he grinned. He put one hand on my waist, and another on my cheek; pulling me in for a light kiss. “You smell nice”. “I call it eau de just got out of bed”, I chuckled. “Hot”, Jax jeered. I made a pfft sound; and took the helmet he handed me.

He drove us to a diner near my school. We got in a booth; Jackson deciding to sit next to me, instead of on the other side of the table. The way he sat was almost protective. He put his arm behind me; and shielded me from the window. “Is something wrong?”, I asked. He frowned. “Nah, it’s nothing”, he said. “Just wanted you close”. He kissed my cheek.

We ordered coffee and waffles; with enough chocolate syrup to feed a small country­ – Jax’s exact words to the waitress.

“How’ve you been since last time I saw you?”, he asked. “Good. Work’s busy”, I said; trying to look sincere. “Why don’t I believe you?”. He narrowed his eyes at me. I sighed deeply. “They’re making me do mandatory drug testing because of my records”. He frowned. “I thought you got that erased”, he said. “Me too”, I muttered. “It’s fine, though. Ray’s been good about it. I’ll do tests every fortnight for 6 months, then once a month for the rest of the year”.

He took my hand. “I’m sorry, darlin’”, he said quietly, and kissed my knuckles. I smiled. “I’ll be ok”.

Our food arrived not long after; and Jax chowed down as if he hadn’t eaten in days. “Hungry, huh?”, I grinned. “Hell yeah. I haven’t had proper meal since the buffet at my moms party”. I pulled a face. “Aw, man. I missed a buffet…”. “It was good”, he teased. “I get it though. I was coming on a bit strong”. I blushed. “I didn’t mind”, I muttered. He squeezed my thigh. “Good. I’ll keep it up then”. His words sent delightful shivers through my body.

We chatted about our last couple of days; with Jax making an impression of Abels face when he’d tried to feed him mushed peas the night before. “I’m telling you; the kid looked at me like I was trying to poison him!”. I laughed. “At least he’s not pushing peas up his nose, yet”, I grinned. “What?”, Jax laughed. “I had a 6’thgrader do that at lunch on my first day at the school”, I said. “His friends dared him. He got it so far up there, I had to have him do a handstand; as I tried to get it out”. “You’re a hero, babe”, Jax grinned.

We enjoyed the last of our coffee; as Jax put my hand to his lips again. “I know this is still really early; but there’s something here – right?”, he said; looking at me earnestly. I bit my lip. “I think so”, I said. He slid his index finger under my chin, to raise it – and kissed me softly. “I want to give it a shot. I know you’re new in town, but… I dunno”. “What?”, I asked. “This is going to sound like a bad movie; but I think you were meant to come here. I was meant to meet you”. He kissed me again; and stroked my cheek. “I’m not going to pressure you in to anything; I know you’ve had enough of that in your life”.

I sighed, and turned my face to kiss his palm. “When you’re around I feel safe and happy”, I said. “And I really like spending time with you… and your kid”. He smirked. “Yeah, Gemma told me you stopped by TM. Got the little dude to fall asleep within minutes”. “I hope I don’t have the same effect on his dad”, I smirked. “I’m sure you’d be able to keep me up all night”, Jax chuckled. I bit my lip, and blushed.

The waitress came over with our check, and we got on Jax’s bike, so he could drive me to work. We said goodbye with a long kiss – making some kids walking by drop their jaws. “Bye, Cat”, Jax whispered in my ear. He didn’t drive off until I was inside.

---

At the end of the school day, Jax had promised to pick me up again. I was waiting in my classroom as promised; when Opie showed up – filling out the doorframe. “Hey, Cat”, he said. “Jax was held up, so I promised to give you a lift home”. I hid my disappointment, and smiled at him. “Thanks, Opie”. “No worries”, he said. “I’m picking up Ellie too”.

We walked down the hall. “How’s she doing?”, Opie asked quietly. “Ellie?” asked. He nodded. “I haven’t known her any longer than a couple of days”. Opie sighed. “Can you say anything?”.

I bit my lip. “She’s ok, I think. She’s really trying to improve her schoolwork; at least in my class”. “Well, she likes you”, he smiled. “Told me to read that Caroline book to her”. “Coraline, yeah”, I smiled. “It’s a good one”. “Could you find us another one?”, the tall man asked. “We almost finished it already. I know she’s too old for bedtime stories…”. “I’ll look at my collection”, I smiled. “And you’re never too old for bedtime stories”.

Opie stopped me just before the main doors of the building. “I’m worried about her. Kenny too”, he muttered. “They lost their mom. They have every right to be acting out or feeling sad… so do you”, I said. He sent me a crooked smile. “I guess so”. I put my hand on his shoulder. “Look, Opie…”, I began. “From what I’ve been told about your kids… Ellie is a perfectly strong and healthy pre-teen. She’s got a lot to work through; but she’s doing it. It’s not going to be ok tomorrow… but maybe the day after. You know what I’m saying?”. He nodded at me, and smiled again. “Thanks, teach’”. Opie squeezed my hand. “You’re a good one”.

---

Opies house was on the way to my motel; so he dropped of his kids with Lyla, before driving me home. He walked me to my door; a move I thought was kind – if a bit overprotective. “Promised Jax”, he smiled shyly. I nodded.

My door was unlocked. My breath hitched a bit, before I stepped inside. On the nightstand stood a vase with a dozen pink roses. I breathed heavily; and grabbed the card attached. - A dozen roses for my Kitty Rose. J.

“Jax ain’t never been much of a poet”, Opie chuckled. “It’s not Jax”, I muttered. “Will you get rid of them for me?”. Opie frowned. “Sure…”, he said. “Is something wrong?”. I shook my head. “No. It’s nothing. Really”. I tried to smile. “I’m just allergic”.

Opie narrowed his eyes, and took the vase. “See you around”, he said. “Put on the security chain, ok?”. I nodded. “Bye”.

As soon as I had put on the chain, I called the motel reception. The woman on duty told me she’d accepted the flowers from a delivery-guy; and that she’d put them in my room herself. She was sure she’d locked the door; and apologized profusely. I thanked her, and hung up. He’s not here, I repeated to myself. He’s not here…

About 15 minutes later, my phone rang. I picked it up hesitantly. “Yes?” “Babe, are you ok?”. Jax’s voice was worried. I exhaled deeply. “Yeah. I’m fine”. Jax wasn’t satisfied with my answer. “Ope said you were out of it”. I didn’t answer. “Cat? Talk to me”. “Flowers”, I said. “H-he sent me flowers”. I could hear him grind his teeth in rage. “Stay there. I’m coming to get you”. “Jax, no”, I said. “I’m fine. He’s not here”. “Cat, I’m not gonna…”. “Stay where you are, Jackson”, I insisted. “Opie said you were in the middle of something. I’ll see you around, ok?”. His voice shifted. “Are you mad at me?”, he asked. “No, Jax… I’m just… It’s been a long day. I need to get some rest”. “Yeah”, he muttered. “Sorry I wasn’t there”. “It’s ok, babe”. I tried to show my smile in my voice. “I know you would have been, if you could”. He sighed. “Yeah, I would”, he said. “Jax, I need to take a nap”. My head was spinning from exhaustion. “Ok. I’ll call tomorrow”. “I’d like that”, I muttered. “Bye”. “Bye…”.

---

I got a good morning text shortly after I woke. I was relieved, as I’d been worried, I’d pushed Jax away after our conversation.

- Good morning, beautiful. The kid just puked on my sneakers; and I thought of you. - That’s flattering. Good morning to you! - It was green. I think it’s the peas. Your tits looked amazing in that tank top yesterday. - Try potatoes instead. Thanks. So did yours. - My tits? Yeah, I try. - Have a good day, Jackson ;-) - I will if I get to see you at some point.

I was hoping he’d have time to see me that day – with all his business dealings.

My wish was fulfilled that same afternoon. Ellie was giving me back Coraline; and I lent her Pippi Longstocking. “I know it’s about a 9-yearold; but it’s really good. Give it a chance”. Ellie smiled and thanked me.

“Hey!”, someone said from the door. Jax was smiling brightly at us. “Your dad is outside, Els’”. The girl whispered bye, and walked by Jackson, earning a kiss at the top of her head from her dad’s friend. “See you later, sweetheart”, Jax smiled at the girl.

The lanky biker walked in to my classroom. “Wow”, he said. “It even smells the same”. I chuckled. “Your old classroom?”, I asked. “Yeah”, he smiled. “It hasn’t changed much”.

He walked up to a table in the back; wiping the surface. “Ha!”, he called out in glee. “Even the same desk”. I walked up next to him, and looked at what he was smiling about. Someone – probably Jackson himself – had carved the words Jax SOA into the surface. “Badass”, he chuckled.

I laughed. “So nothing’s changed, huh?”, I smiled. He put his hand on my cheek. “Well, the teacher didn’t look this cute”, he smirked; and leaned in – pecking softly at my lips. Heat went straight to my core; and I shook myself – clearing my throat. “I need to finish up”, I smiled, biting my lips. “Yeah…”, Jax muttered, and slid his other hand around my waist; kissing me again. “I think I remember there being a broom closet down the hall…”. I chuckled. “I’m not getting fired the first week of work!”, I said. He exhaled. “Ok”. He kissed my cheek, and stepped away.

I packed up the rest of my things, and we left the room. Walking down the hall I sent a friendly hello to a coworker. She looked from Jax to me, and smiled knowingly. “You’re pretty famous around here”, I said. “Yeah… I set the bleachers on fire once”, he said, almost proudly. “I’ve set a few fires myself”, I smiled. He looked at me in wonder. “You?”, he chuckled. I looked at him with mock menace. “There are things you don’t know…”. He slid his arm around my shoulder. “I’m sure there are, darlin’”.

Once outside, Jax walked me to my car. I saw Ellie getting into a truck with Opie; and waved at them. Ellie smiled, and waved back, and Opie looked at his daughter with pure love. “He seems nice”, I said. Jax nodded solemnly. “He’s my best friend since we were in diapers. I trust him with my life”. His eyes were earnest and warm.

“Why did you decide to drop by?”, I asked. “I missed your face”, he smiled. “And, I gotta leave town for a few days”. I bit my lip. “Where are you going?”. He shook his head. “Best you don’t know”, he said. “Not everything I do is… auto-parts”. I nodded. “I kind of figured that out on my own”, I muttered. He looked at me nervously. “Is that a problem?”, he asked. I shrugged; not knowing what to say. “You’re not the only one with a past… but I doubt mine is as dark as yours”.

I bit my lip; and he stroked my cheek. “If you want to pull out of this; I get it”. I shook my head. “We just started this”, I said. “Can we just figure it out as we go?”. “Sure”, Jax smiled; and leant in to kiss me again.

Our lips were like made to meet. He nibbled at my top lip, as I suckled at his lower one. He groaned against my mouth. “Shit, Cat”, he breathed. “You’re making it hard to walk away from you”. I smiled; and pecked at his lips once more, before pushing against his chest; forcing him to step back. He squeezed my hip for a second before letting go. “All right”, he said. “I’ll call you, ok?”. I nodded. “When will you be back?”. “Sunday, hopefully”, he said. “See you then?”. “Sure”, I smiled. “Take care”. He raised his chin at me, and grinned. “Always”.

Jax got on his bike, and drove off.

---

The next day dragged along. Jax called me in the evening, but sounded very far away, and like he had his mind on other things. “Sorry babe. Things are… busy”. “I get it. Just be careful, and call me tomorrow”. I heard a loud pop; like firework. “I will. Bye”. He hung up.

Saturday; I went to lunch with Lyla. It was good to have a new friend; Lyla was funny and intelligent - and she had the best advice on getting the tastiest caffeine kicks. I didn’t hear from Jackson all day.

He neither called or texted Sunday morning or afternoon either. I was getting nervous that he’d changed his mind; and even more nervous that something had happened to him. Finally – at around 5 pm – my cell rang. I didn’t recognize the number. “Hello?”, I said. “Hey, darlin’”, Jax’s voice sounded. “Hey…”, I answered with relief. “Sorry I didn’t call before. It’s been a day…”. He sounded tired. “Are you ok?”, I muttered. “Yeah, just happy to hear your voice”, he answered. “I’ll be back in town at around 8 pm. Is that too late for a drink?”. “What, at the clubhouse?”, I asked. “Yeah”, he said. “I need to drop off some stuff there”. “I’ll be there”. I heard him sigh in relief. It made me smile. “Good… I missed you”, he said. “I’ll see you there”, I smiled. “See you, Cat”. He hung up.

At 8.15 I arrived at TM. I’d walked; hoping for a ride home from my knight on his mechanical steed. Jax was smoking a cigarette on the picnic table where we’d shared our first kiss. He looked tired.

When he saw me, he stood up, and walked over to embrace me. His arms enveloped me; as if he was drawing energy from me. He smelled my hair. “I missed you, dollface”, he muttered; and lifted my chin to kiss me. I pecked his lips softly; putting my hands on his firm, flannel-covered chest. “You’re never gonna settle on a nickname for me, huh?”, I smiled. “How can I, when you’re all the things I call you?”, he smirked; and met lips again. “Let’s get you a drink”.

We walked in to the clubhouse; which was a lot less crowded than the last time I’d been there. In the light of the room, I saw that Jax had a bruise on his cheekbone. “What happened?”, I asked. He shook his head. “Business deal that could have gone better”.

I saw that both Happy and Juice’s faces were bruised; and Chibs was stitching up a wound on Tig’s shoulder. “Jax…”, I said. He took my hand. “Don’t worry about it”, he smiled. “We’re fine”. I sighed. “Is this normal?”. “Lately, more so”, Jackson muttered. “Can we just have that drink now? I want to think about something else”. I nodded.

We had a beer together; Jax’s hand resting on my knee as we sat by the bar. He let his thumb stroke my leg, sending small warm signals to my core. I bit my lip. “Do you need a ride home?”, Jax asked. I noticed the clock nearing 10. “Don’t you have to get home to Abel?”, I said. “Mom’s got him until tomorrow”, he smiled. “Then, yeah. Thanks”, I smiled.

---

We drove back to the motel.

Jax walked me to my door, holding my hand all the way. “You gonna be ok?”, he asked softly. “Yeah…”, I said; running my thumb across his jawline. “Do… you want to stay?”. He raised his brows at me. “You know I do, darlin’”, he said. “But, like I said a couple of days ago… I don’t want to push you into doing anything you’ll regret”. I sighed. “I… had a couple of days to think”.

He exhaled deeply and gave me a crooked smile. “If I go in to that room with you, we both know what’s going to happen”. “Would it make you think less of me?”, I asked. “Not at all”, he said honestly. “But you have to be sure, because if I… I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself”, he chuckled.

“Then come in. And don’t stop”. I grabbed a hold of his cut; and pulled him in for a kiss. He groaned against me. “Shit, babe… what are you doing to me?”, he muttered against my lips. “Nothing good, I hope”, I smirked.

I opened the door, and stepped inside, waiting for him to follow. He bit his lip, and his blue eyes searched mine for a second – before he stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind him.

“Why?”, he asked. “Because whatever I don’t know about you, can’t outweigh what I’ve seen so far. You’re a good guy, and I think…”.

He interrupted my sentence by kissing me; and pulling me flush against his body. “Let me know if you change your mind at any point”. I nodded. “Don’t worry”, I smiled. “Just keep kissing me”. He smiled brightly, and put a hand behind my head; pulling my lips to his again. Our tongues met; and the soft touch of his, sent shivers down my spine. What else can you do with that tongue?

Continuously kissing me; he backed me towards the edge of the bed. I felt it against the back of my knees; and almost fell backwards; Jacksons hand on my back the only thing keeping me standing. He shrugged off his cut; leaving him in his blue flannel and a t-shirt. I ran my hands up his torso; relishing in the sensation of his firmness – and then pushed his shirt down his shoulders, helping him take that off as well.

Jackson grabbed the hem of my top; and pulled it up. I raised my arms in the air, so he could pull it off me. He looked down at my chest. “Yeah… that’s just about the most perfect thing I’ve seen all week”, he smirked. “Just about?”, I teased. “You’re still wearing a bra”, he said. He ran his hands down my sides; stopping at the tattoo on my left rib. “You’re inked”, he smiled. “I’ve got a few”, I answered. “I’ll have to go exploring”, he said; pulling up my hand to his face, kissing the tiny one on the inside of my wrist.

I tugged at his t-shirt; and he pulled it off quickly, leaving his torso bare. Abel was written in intricate lettering on his chest. I stroked my fingers across it, and smiled warmly. He caught my smile with his lips; stroking my arms. “Here’s another”, he said, finding the ink on the back on my arm. “That all?”. “Yeah”, I said. “No, wait. There’s one on my foot”. He pushed me down to sit on the bed; leaving me face to face with the growing bulge on the front of his jeans. “Which foot?”. “Right one”, I smiled.

He crouched down in front of me, and pulled of my right ankle-boot and sock. “Cute”, he said, sliding his index finger over the tiny lettering on my foot. It tickled, and I giggled. “Sorry”, he laughed. “It’s fine”, I said; and pulled his head towards me to kiss me again.

He tugged at my lower lip, and I brushed my fingers down his back. Moving his lips to my neck; I could lean forward and see the large tattoo there. He nibbled gently at my skin; and a rush of blood went to my core; making me moan a little. “Did I find your spot?”, he breathed. “Mhmm…”, I said, biting my lip “I’ll keep that in mind”, he chuckled.

He stood up again; and I hooked my fingers into his waistband. His breath caught, and I felt the fabric twitch from his growing erection. He undid his belt-buckle for me; and I unbuttoned his jeans; tugging at them. He pulled them off; and was now standing in front of me in a pair of white boxers – pitching an impressive tent. I bit my lips in glee; and wrapped my hand around his clothed member. Jackson gasped. “Shit, babe. I’ll let you play with it all you want, but I want you naked first”.

He pushed me to lie down; leaning over me – supporting himself on his elbows – to put his lips to mine. He put a hand on my breast; and kissed and nibbled at the lace on my bra. “Can I take this off?”, he asked; his eyes searching mine. I supported myself on my elbows, and his hands slid behind me – unhooking the unwanted garment. He pulled it off me, and stared at my breasts in wonder. “Wow…”, he said. “That is… something”, he muttered. He pushed my breasts together; and wrapped his lips around my nipple, tugging at it softly. I gasped at the sensation. Sparks flew straight from my nipple to my core, and I mewled in response.

Jax began kissing down my stomach, ending up at the waistband of my jeans. “I guess asking is kind of redundant at this point, huh?”, he smirked up at me; and I grinned at him. He unbuttoned my jeans; and tugged at them; as I lifted my hips, to help him maneuver them off me. Quickly discarding my other boot and sock; he pulled of my pants completely; throwing them behind him. I was now laying before him in nothing but my panties.

He looked me over, and narrowed his eyes. “You said there was no more ink”. His fingers stroked the small tattoo on my thigh. “Woops”, I smirked. “Forgot”. He tsk’d at me. “How am I going to be able to trust you’re not hiding anything else?”, he said; and squeezed the skin around my tattoo; making me jolt from the sweet pain. “There really isn’t”, I laughed. He hooked his fingers into my panties; tugging at them. “Need to be sure…”, he muttered; and pulled my underwear off me; leaving me finally naked. He raised his brows, and smiled crookedly. “That’s… better than a tattoo”. I giggled in response.

Jackson slid his hands up my thighs; letting his fingers rest on my hips – his thumbs stroking my soft curls. He exhaled deeply. “This right here… I could get used to this”, he smiled; and kissed the soft skin just above my pubic hair. His warm breath against my private parts, made me jolt again. He lowered his lips to my folds; and placed a soft kiss on my bud. “Shit”, I mewled. I heard him chuckle; and his tongue flicked against the bundle of nerves – before he gently slid his finger between my labia; stroking up and down. His tongue replaced his finger; taking the same path. I put my hand on his head, grabbing at his hair. “Don’t worry; I’m not going anywhere”, he smiled against me; before continuing his slow assault on my folds.

His finger began tracing the outline of my entrance. I was gasping and moaning. My walls were already throbbing from want. His finger made its way inside me; soon joined by another. Jax flattened his tongue; and licked upwards; before his lips closed around my nub; suckling at it. “Jax…”, I gasped. “Mhmm…?”, he mumbled; not taking his lips away from their target. “Just… more… don’t stop”.

My legs were twitching; and he used his free arm to hold down my hips. I looked down at him; and his eyes were smiling devilishly at me. He suckled a bit harder; and his fingers crooked – pushing at my front wall. “Please…”, I breathed. “Mmm…”, he responded.

The fingers inside me pushed harder and faster; though still carefully. He was trying to figure out what made me tick. His tongue massaged my labia, and he flicked it over my clit, drawing a loud moan from me. My walls clenched around his fingers; and I came undone. I cried out, as I orgasmed against his face. Jax lapped up my juices, and slowed down his movements again, letting me ride out my pleasure.

He looked up at me. “How was that?”, he smiled. “Holy shit”, I gasped, and laughed. My body was trembling; and he climbed up next to me; gently pulling his fingers out of me in the process. He wiped his face and beard of my juices; and kissed me gently. I wrapped my leg around his hip; and ran my hand down his torso; palming his penis. My arms and legs we’re still shaking slightly; and I massaged his bulge. “Do you want…”, I began. “Some other time, babe”, he smiled. “Gives me something to look forward to. Right now; I want to get inside you”. He stood up and pulled down his boxers; making me gawk at the perfect specimen in front of me. “I’m ok with that…”, I smiled, and bit my lip.

I moved back on the bed; so my feet were no longer on the floor. Jackson crawled over me; his hardness poking at my thighs. He stroked my cheek; and I pulled his face down to kiss him; running my tongue across his lower lip. “Careful. This might end sooner than I’d want it to”, he groaned. I chuckled; and took a hold of his penis; guiding it towards my warmth.

Making his tip slick with my juices; I pushed him against my entrance. He slid into me slowly – letting me adjust to his size. “Shit, you’re tight”, he breathed. “Maybe you’re just big”, I moaned. “Keep talking, baby. I’m liking the words coming out your mouth”, he chuckled; pushed into me fully – bottoming out.

We moaned in unison. Jax began moving; grabbing my thigh, to put my leg around his hip. His thrusts were controlled – gentle. My hands on his back; I could feel his muscles working under his skin, as he pulled his body back and forth on top of me. I pulled him towards me; wanting to feel his weight. His chest touching my nipples made me moan.

Jax moved his hand from my thigh to my ass-cheek; digging his fingers into it. “Let me know if I’m too rough”, he panted. “More”, I breathed, and he smiled in response; bottoming out again. “Oh… God!”, I mewled. “It’s just me, babe”, Jackson chuckled. “I’m liking this look on you”. He kissed me deeply; and I ran my nails down his back; feeling his hardness fill me up perfectly.

Jax pulled out of me; leaving me aching for more. “Turn around”, he whispered. I rolled over; and he ran his hand down my back; before squeezing both my cheeks. “Perfect”, he said; and kissed the dimples at the small of my back – before guiding me to get on my knees; chest still on the mattress.

Jax pushed in to me again; hitting that perfect spot his fingers had found before. I cried out in pleasure. “Good or bad?”, he asked. “So good”, I panted. He chuckled behind me; and began thrusting again; putting more force into his movements. “Baby”, he gasped. “You…”. He couldn’t finish the sentence; but continued thrusting.

I was grabbing on to the pillow, and lifting my head – making my back arch for him. “Goddamn”, he moaned. He grasped my butt-cheek again, before giving it a light slap. “More”, I mewled. He laughed, and spanked me harder.

I tightened the muscles in my core; drawing a gasp and a hiss from Jax. “Do it again”, he moaned. I repeated the move. “Shit, babe”, he gasped; and pushed hard into me.

His hand moved from my ass to my front; finding my clit, and stroking it to the rhythm of his thrusts. Soon I didn’t need to clench my muscles on purpose; as he was drawing me nearer to my undoing. I cried out as I came for a second time; clenching hard around Jax’s cock – which made him thrust in to me with relentless want. He was moving towards his own high.

“Shit, Cat. You’re gonna make me…”. He cried out; and came inside me.

I was still clenching around him as he gently pulled himself out, and laid down next to me; sweaty, and with a grin on his face. “Wow”, he panted; and pulled me towards him; kissing my forehead. My body was trembling from the pleasure I’d just felt. “Yeah”, I breathed; trying to control my breath.

Looking down his naked body, his eyes went wide. “Crap. I didn’t ask…”. “The pill”, I said. “And I’m clean”. I smiled. “Me too”, he smirked.

He kissed my lips, and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. I tried to pull away. “I want to get cleaned up”, I muttered, smiling crookedly. “Let me get it”, he said, and stepped out of the bed, walking naked into the bathroom. “Gotta piss anyway”. “Prince Charming”, I chuckled. He laughed at me, over his shoulder; and closed the door to the bathroom behind him.

I laid on the bed; still panting – when my phone rang in my jeans pocket on the floor. I crawled across the bed to get it. There was no caller id. “Hello?”, I said. “Hi, kitty”, a voice I recognized breathed. My whole body froze. “You can’t call me. My number is unregistered”, I said with bated breath. “Yes, it was hard to track down you down”, the voice said. “But, you know – my job gives me a few perks”. “I don’t want to talk to you…”, I said. “Catherine, listen… I know we’ve had our differences. But let’s move beyond that, ok? Did you get the flowers I sent your school? I sent some to the motel as well, just in case. Congrats on the new job!...”.

I hung up. I heard Jax flush the toilet, and wash his hands. He stepped back into the room with a wet washcloth for me. Seeing my expression, his eyes went dark. “What’s wrong?”, he demanded. I looked at the phone in my hand. “He…”, I began. I started breathing heavily. Jax took the phone from me, looking up the call list. His lips drew back in a snarl. “Was it him?”. I nodded, on the verge of tears.

Jacksons expression softened when he looked at me. He climbed onto the bed; and wrapped his arms around me – holding me impossibly close. “Hey, hey… it’s gonna be ok. He can’t get you here”. “H-he sent flowers to my job”, I stammered. “He knows where I am”. Jax kissed the top of my head. “No more running, baby”, he said. “You’re with me now. You’re safe”.

He gently cleaned me off; and tucked me in. “Will you stay here?”, I said. He smiled warmly. “I’m not going anywhere”, he said quietly; and got under the covers with me – wrapping his body around mine.

After a few minutes of heavy breathing; and Jax running his fingers through my hair – my body relaxed. “You should take a personal day tomorrow”, he said; his baby blues looking deeply into my eyes. “I can’t”, I said. “I just started… I have to go on like everything is normal. It’s the only way I’ll…”. I shook my head; unable to finish my sentence. Jackson sighed; and chewed his lip. “I’ll drive you to work tomorrow”, he said. “I need to stop by my house first; see the kid”. “I don’t have to be at work until 10”, I said. “Good”, he smiled. “Gives me a little more time with you”.

He kissed me softly, and stroked my jaw. I ran a finger over the bruise on his cheekbone. “I like you, Jackson”, I whispered. “I like you too”, he smiled; and put his forehead to mine. “Get some sleep, doll. I’ll be here in the morning”.

I slept better than I had in a long time, that night.

---

#jax teller #jax teller fic #jax teller x oc #jackson teller #jackson teller fic #sons of anarchy fic #sons of anarchy

[fan4196]

Mother-in-law (Part 5)

Hey everyone I decided to write another Part for this multi-chapter. This is the last one, hope you like it. Enjoy!

A big thank you to @angry-slytherin again for beta reading :)

-

Today it's a little crazy in the Karev household. Alex is running around like a headless chicken, cleaning and preparing. Jo is trying to keep the twins entertained while she helps Alex cleaning. They really underestimated how big their new house is and that they need more than a day to clean it completely. They thought it would be done in a day like they used to be with the loft, but nope. They aren't even half done and they have to be at the airport in an hour.

"Ok, Alex screw it. Let's leave it dirty. Pick up the toys and laundry and leave the rest. They will understand." Jo's screaming from the guest bathroom into the hall where Alex is cleaning.

"But it has to be perfect." Alex's shouting back, not noticing that Jo's already walking towards him.

"Why are you so nervous? It's not their first time with us." Jo's softly speaking, hugging her husband from behind, stopping him in his motion.

"I know. But it's their first time in the new house. With their own rooms. And I want them to like it. I want everything to be perfect." He's nervous and tense. Turning around in his Jo's arms, she pulls him into a kiss.

"They will like it. Dirty or not. The loft wasn't that clean all the time either. They know how it is with us. Speaking of them. We really need to go if we want to be at the airport in time. You know your kids need hours until they sit in the car." With a last kiss Jo turns around and puts the cleaning stuff away. Alex puts his shoes on and graby the shoes of his kids.

After dressing the twins, picking out toys for the car ride, packing snacks and buckling them up in their car seats they are finally on the way to the airport.

"Daddy I'm so excited. I missed them." Emery is shouting excited from the backseat.

"You did? I'm sure they missed you too, Emy." Alex answers his daughter, watching her through the mirror.

"Are they staying forever now, daddy?" Shs askes.

"No. Just until the next holidays. Then they visit their mom again."

"Why don't they live with us all the time daddy? We have a big house now. And they have their own rooms."

"That's right, Emy. But remember what mommy told you about coparenting?" Alex's still watching his daughter through the mirror. Her hand is on her chin, making  her fake thinking face.

"It's when the mommy and the daddy are not together and the kids live sometimes with the mommy and sometimes with the daddy, right?" She watches Alex nod and smiles proudly.

"That's right. Good job. And that's why Eli and Alexis aren't living with us all the time. They live with us and go to school here and in their holidays they are with their mom in Kansas." He tries to explain it as simple as he can. Even though he knows that his four year olds are crazy smart, he makes it easy for her to understand.

"I wish their mommy would live here too, then they could be here all the time and play with P and me." She's saying quietly, while looking out of the window, diving into a daydream.

Jo places her hand on Alex's neck ruffling sofly through his hair, smiling at him. With a quick glimpse to the right he smiles back. God he's so thankful that after everything he did he got her back. He was almost certain that he fucked it up this time. After meeting each other again on Christmas at his mom's a few years ago, everything changed for him. He said it in his letter, because it's true, seeing her again made it impossible to walk away from her again. He and his twins moved to Seattle. He took the job offer he got from Bailey and he became a dad for their twins too. They coparented in the beginning and Jo and him started as friends again. They hung out and drank beer, when the kids were asleep. They shared donuts in dark supply closets and had long conversations on park benches, while their kids were playing on the playground. Jo slowly stared trusting Alex again and the love, that was never really gone, came back. They started dating, with Alex taking her to the most romantic restaurants because that was something they left completely out the last time. But they wanted to do it right this time and they wanted to make it work, for their kids. So they started completely new and bought a big new house, with rooms for everyone, a month ago.

+

The airport was overfilled today, with all those people coming from their summer vacations. So they hold onto the peanuts hands a little tighter to not lose them in the crowd of people also waiting for their loved ones. Alex checks his phone for the sixth time now, afraid that his other twins got lost somewhere on their way from the plane to the exit.

"There they are. Don't fuss, daddy they made it home safely." Jo jokes, kissing his cheek softly, then turning towards the exit, waving at the twins. Their little twins jump in excitement for their big siblings return home from Kansas, greeting them with big hugs. Jo hugs them next.

Alex loves that his kids get along so well and that his twins accepted Jo that quickly. He huggs his twins too, than they make their way to McDonald's to eat some lunch. On their drive home the car is filled with chatter and laughter, which not only fills Alex heart with joy, but also Jo's, who's smiling in the passenger seat.

At home they showed the big twins their new rooms and let them unpack.

+

Alexis closes her now empty suitcase as Jo walks by her open room door.

"Hey Jo. Can I talk to you for a second, maybe?" She's asking her kind of stepmom shyly.

"Sure." Jo puts the laundry basket down and walks into Alexis room, sitting down next to her on the bed.

"What's up? Something wrong?" Jo's asking.

"No- well not here. I love my new room. Thank you." The ten year old thanks Jo again with a smile.

"Oh of course, sweety. I'm happy you like it. Your dad wanted to paint it pink first." A laugh escapes Jo's mouth.

"No I love the green you picked. It's ectually my favorite color. But there's something else. I have this friend Taylor. We're best friends since kindergarten, we are very close and tell each other everything. It's just- it feels good to do things together. But I think that I maybe- I think I like him a little more than as a friend." Alexis stars to explain her problem when Jo interrupts her.

"Oh Taylor's a boy. Ok. Sorry. Keep going."

"I think I like him but I don't want to tell him. I'm afraid it will ruin our friendship." She's looking down to her hands sadly.

"Ok. I see. Should I tell you a story?"

Alexis nods without saying a word.

"I had this friend." Jo starts. "We hated each other at first. He was a douchebag. He was mean, called me names, gave me scut to do all the time. One day I lashed out and screamed at him. From that point on we became friends. We went to a wedding together, we got drunk and broke into a hotel room- Ok forget about that- anyway we got closer. We hung out and I started to fall in love with him. But I didn't want to tell him because I was also afraid it would ruin our friendship. So I started dating another guy. He wasn't the nicest so we broke up. My friend was there for me, he took care of me and one night in a dark supply closet of the hospital he told me that he loved me too. And it was the best feeling in the world. We kissed for the first time and it was magic-"

"What happened to your friend? Did you break up and loose him?" Alexis interrupts Jo with her question.

"No. He's still my best friend." Jo tells her with a smile.

"Really? Is it uncle Link?" The girl is a little confused.

"No. It's your dad." Alexis is speechless.

"Wow."

"Sometimes you have to risk something, to get something great. I was really afraid to tell your dad about my feelings but to be honest we already knew what we felt for each other. So if it feels right for you to be with Taylor then tell him how you feel. Maybe he feels the same. Sometimes boys are just as shy as girls when it comes to their feelings. So make the first move maybe it's good in the end."

"Thank you Jo." Alexis pulls her into a tight hug.

"Any time, Alexis. If there's anything you want to talk about you can always come to me. I can listen and I can give advices if you need them." Jo's pulling out of the hug, brushing a lose strand of hair behind Alexis ear.

"Ok. One more thing. Could this maybe stay our little secret for now?"

She's asking sweetly, putting on her best puppy dog eyes, which she obviously doesn't have from her father.

"Sure." How could Jo say no to those.

"I want to talk to Taylor first, than I will tell dad. Ok?"

"Or we tell your dad now and after you told him your secret I will tell him mine." Jo says cheekyly.

"What's your secret?" Alexis askes immediately excited.

"I'm pregnant." Jo whispers happily, waiting for Alexis reaction.

"Oh my God. That's so awesome, Jo." She screams excited, hugging Jo tightly. "Let's go tell dad. He can't be angry at me when he hears he's gonna be a dad again."

"That was my plan." Jo smiles.

Alexis grabbing her hand, pulling Jo out of her room.

#Jolex #jolex #jolex fanfic #jolex babies #jolex forever #jo x alex #jo karev #jo wilson #alex karev #Grey's #greys #Grey's anatomy #grey's fic #fan.4196

[justjessame]

The Deal Chapter 3

Waking up in Daryl’s arms made the rest of the shitstorm of our day almost worth it. Almost because that was the day we all nearly REALLY died. We should have LISTENED to Dr. Jenner when he said the doors wouldn’t reopen. We should have listened to the tiny little voice in all our heads screaming that this was too easy, too safe, too good to be true. We didn’t, which is how we all nearly blew the hell up.

Thank God Dad had that fucking grenade. Thank God that Daryl can scare damn near anyone into opening most things up. And thank God that I wasn’t as stupid as Jacqui and Andrea. I think Dale’s made a horrible mistake saving Andrea. She wanted to die? Then let her. I don’t care what he sees in her. I see a problem that’s going to bite us all in the ass sooner or later.

After Dr. Jenner did a little audio visual of the virus that creates walkers, he basically tossed out the fact that the entire building was set to self destruct. The asshole did warn us not to come in, but still, my baby brother and Sofia shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of fucking fear. Wasn’t the fear of dying by a walker bad enough? Now they wouldn’t trust anyone. Asshole. Luckily we made it. With one that didn’t want to live, and a shit ton of us that did.

Daryl decided to ditch the truck, so it was the choice between curling my body tight against his on the bike, or the RV with whiny Andrea and Shane. Difficult choices. Riding away from the wreckage of the CDC, I clutched at Daryl’s hard abdomen and felt him twitch under my touch. “Does this bother you?” I asked in loud enough for him to hear me. My fingers tightened against him and I felt him inhale deeply. “Should I stop?”

“Only if you don’t want me to wreck us.” He laughed back at me. “Feels amazin’, Jess, but dying before we get to experience the entire thing might suck.”

I grinned into the wings on his vest. “I love you, Daryl Dixon.” I shouted, not caring if anyone heard, because we survived and had another day together.

“I love ya, too, baby girl.” He said back, weaving through the roads as we headed for whatever we’d come to next.

HOURS LATER~ CAR CLOGGED FREEWAY

What we came to next was a clogged highway with too many cars and not enough space for the RV to find a path. Daryl and I scouted ahead, must to my dad’s worry, but finding that we could move further was at least worth it.

We came back to relay the information and the decision was made to raid the cars for supplies before moving them out of the way. Of course a horde of the creepy crawlies found us. Carl, being sensible for his age, stayed put under the car Lori hid him under. Sofia, didn’t. Well, shit.

T-Dog had a horrible cut. Daryl was pissed off at the entire situation, and now Dad had run off to find Sofia. Daryl looked at me and I rushed to his side. “Should I go after them?” He whispered when I got close.

I shook my head. “No, Dad will come ask if he can’t find her.” I was sure of it. He’d been right behind her, so he should have found her and be out in minutes. The time ticked by and I was growing worried. I was about to tell Daryl that we should go in, when Dad came out-alone.

“Daryl?” He asked, and Daryl walked to him. I followed. “No, honey, not you.” I started to protest, but Daryl agreed. Well what the hell? “I need Daryl to track her. You need to stay here and keep everyone calm.” What about Shane, I thought.

“OK, Dad.” I looked at Daryl and wanted so badly to grab him and kiss him. And make him promise to stay safe and keep my dad safe. Instead I touched his hand. He nodded at me. “Stay safe.” It was a blanket statement, for the two of them. And then they disappeared back into the forest.

Carol was understandably upset, and Lori and Shane were tiptoeing around one another. I worked to keep everyone calm, and keep an eye on Carl. He was adamant that he should have a weapon, and I agreed with him. Just not on the type of weapon he wanted. He wasn’t ready for a gun, I told him, not yet. Why not find something stabby? And he nearly got eaten to find one. Then Lori and Shane argued about whether he could keep one or not. For fuck’s sake.

A full night and no Sofia. Dad and Daryl returned, Daryl checking on Carol in the RV and trying to maintain some kind of certainty in the uncertainty. I’d found a spacious minivan and when I tucked the seats down, I had a pretty decent bed. I grabbed my sleeping bag from the Jeep Dad was driving and made a nice little bed. I figured Daryl would keep his distance, since Dad and Lori were sleeping nearby, but he surprised me, tapping on the window as I was looking at the stars through the open sunroof. I smiled and opened the hatchback.

“Thought I’d join ya for a bit.” He whispered, crawling inside and over top of me. “Feels like forever since I’ve kissed ya.” His lips met mine and I sighed in agreement.

Soon the van was steamed up, even with the opening in the roof. I was clutching at his back, his mouth hungry against mine. God in heaven, if I died like that, I would have died happy. He pulled back, too soon for my liking, and smiled down at me. Even sweaty and dirty from the road and the swamp, he was the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen.

“Ya don’t honestly think our first go is gonna be in a minivan, do ya?” He chuckled and rolled off of me to lay beside me. He pulled me against him, so he could hold me again. “Nah, girl, our first time’s gotta be memorable.”

I giggled. “Pretty sure every time will be memorable with you, Daryl.” My head was in the crook of his arm and I felt his lips on my forehead. “What do you have planned for our first time?” I asked, wanting a better version of a bedtime story.

He sighed and shifted so we were face to face. “Our first time should be under the stars.” He whispered, brushing my errant hair away from my face. “Cause they’re the only thing that can compare to how beautiful you are to me.” I smiled, who knew he had a poet’s heart? “So, somewhere with soft grass, even with this damn sleepin’ bag I want ya to have some cushion under ya. A cool breeze, because you’re skin and mine, together, feels like fire.” I nodded, swallowing at the picture he was painting for me. “And I want to see all of ya. Every tiny bit, and I want ya to see me. We’ll need a full moon for that.” I was drifting off as he continued. “We’re gonna need a long night, cause I don’t wanna have to stop for the sunrise.”

I woke up alone and groaned. I hated this nonsense. I heard the others talking outside, so I refolded my bag and tossed it back inside the Jeep. Stretching I felt his eyes on me. I looked up and sure enough, he was standing with Dad, but watching me like he would prey. I smiled and walked over to join them.

Dad kissed my temple almost absently, but included me in the planning. Everyone was searching today. Grid search, I asked, and he confirmed. OK, I thought, we’d all participated in one of those back home. Even Carl had, because Dad was absolutely certain every hand on deck meant every hand on deck. Once everyone had a part, me with Daryl thank God, we started off. T-Dog and Dale were staying back, to work on the RV and to keep an eye on things. Andrea, gun toting idiot, was giving Dale sass for saving her, sass for refusing her gun rights, and sass for everything that her life didn’t offer. I rolled my eyes.

Shane, Dad, and Carl were together and I was worried. That wasn’t a good idea. Not even close. When we heard the pealing of the bells, everyone’s hope grew. It wasn’t what we’d hoped for, the church held nothing but dead inside and an electronic timed bell outside. After we killed the dead and Daryl checked things out, Carol took a moment to get right with God, I thought about how my life could have been if the world hadn’t turned to shit.

Would I have met Daryl? Would our paths have ever crossed? I would have been attracted to him, of that I was certain. Every girl has a type, right? Well, he was definitely mine. I hadn’t dated much, remember I had to fight for summer camp, but when I had, there was a certain roughness to the guys I preferred. Men who weren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. Men who could hold their own anywhere, but also had a softer side. Sure, I was usually one of the few who could see that side, but knowing it was there was enough. So, Daryl would have been my type no matter what, but would we have met? I glanced up at Jesus on the cross and felt the most peace I’d felt for months. And that was my answer. Yes. We would have.

I met everyone outside as we waited for Carol. Shane, my dad, and Carl were going further on, but the rest of us were heading back to the vehicles and preparing for what comes next. Daryl and I rolled our eyes at Andrea’s bitchiness toward Lori having a gun when she didn’t, and I nearly high-fived my stepmom when she offered it to her and told everyone off for being irritable with Dad. I agreed with her, and dared Andrea to come at me.

“If you’d stop being so pissed about being alive,” I glared at the blonde, “you’d realize that you can totally die out here, all alone, and I’d happily leave your ass laying.” I offered, raising my bow as I felt Daryl’s hand on my arm.

She glared back at me and stomped off back in the direction we’d started from. Bitch. Lori looked at me like I was a stranger, but you know what? I didn’t care. We had enough trouble without a bitch with a death wish. Daryl and I kept the group moving and he tried to keep me calm. I was tired of it. Her attitude with Dale, her irritation with the rest of us. And why? Because she was useless in this world? Well, fuck you and toughen up. I kept going, eyes alert even if I was angry. I felt Lori come up beside me, but before she could say a word we heard the gunshot. Fear clutched my heart, a chill ran up my spin and I prayed that I wouldn’t lose one of my family members.

We waited a beat, before Daryl had us crossing a meadow, then a woman appeared on a horse with a baseball bat screaming Lori and my names. We looked up at her as Daryl held her in his sights on the crossbow. She was making little sense, but we heard Dad’s name and Carl’s then Lori climbed on the horse and I ran beside it. I glanced back at Daryl and I knew he understood. My family needed me. God, please don’t take them.

#The Walking Dead #daryl dixon x ofc #rick grimes daughter #eventual smut #slight au #angst

[coquelicoq]

some dreams i’ve had this week

1. steve harrington from stranger things borrows his aunt's flatiron without asking. his aunt catches him in the act of straightening his distant cousin's hair and chains him to the bottom of a lobster tank as punishment. as he's sitting there underwater, he's telling someone that he plans to dodge the vietnam draft: he refuses to fight the vietnamese because "they owe me nothing that my own government doesn't owe me first."

2. i'm about to take a taxi somewhere but decide at the last minute to just walk instead. the taxi driver's daughter writes me a check to reimburse me, even though i don't think i had paid for anything yet. it turns out that the check is for thirty thousand dollars. i ultimately decide not to cash it because i can tell that there are strings attached and i'd be called on in the future to do something super sketchy if i took this money.

3. i'm flying to a bunch of different conventions (fan conventions? idk) on the same day. as i'm about to leave for dallas, my mother confronts me. she says i'm never truly living and she's tired of seeing me like this, so she's signed me up for an open mic night and made me a slenderman costume which i need to wear while performing a song. later in the dream it turns out to be my childhood friend fiona dressing up as slenderman to do a song and dance that the audience is very lukewarm about even though i personally think it's genius. after her show a bunch of our friends from high school gather around her to compliment her performance. she gives me a sad smile and runs away. we follow her and find her sleeping on a porch. turns out she's homeless and didn't want us to know. meanwhile, my dad is gifted a very expensive chair that looks like it would be uncomfortable but is actually the best chair i've ever sat in and now i have to figure out how to make it mine.

i bet you’re wondering what’s happening in the larger world while this chair situation and slenderman dance routine is going down. i can tell you that a single tweet being misinterpreted by an algorithm destabilizes the canadian dollar. this is less newsworthy, but another thing that happens is a guy who works at ikea writes to an advice column to take issue with the columnist’s use of the word "you" when answering a previous letter. he says "you said 'you' but none of that was true for me personally, so you should have said 'some people.'" please note that he wasn’t the person the previous column was addressed to. his letter is very long and includes a picture of his dog.

back at my dad’s house, which is not his actual house but a figment of my dreamscape, a new client of mine comes over with her husband and makes meatballs. i resent her husband for taking her away from me even though we're not friends and this is the first time i’ve ever met her. she and her husband sing a song in chinese and are surprised when my dad and stepmom know all the words and sing along. i am also surprised as my dad and stepmom don't speak chinese or listen to any chinese artists as far as i am aware. i can’t eat the meatballs since they’re made of red meat, which i don’t eat. the end.

#nobody wants to read this much about other people's dreams but i'm not gonna talk to my friend who interprets my dreams until tomorrow #and i don't want to forget them in the interim so i have recorded them here for posterity #there was a lot more to the steve harrington dream but i didn't write it down right away so it is lost to the sands of time #dreams #my posts #food mention

[afictionaladventure16]

The Pen Pal Project (Chris Evans x Latina!OC)

Masterlist

Previously on The Pen Pal Project...

Warnings: Mentions of divorce, toxic relationships...

Word Count: 1,690

Chapter 5

Letter 5

Chris’s POV

November 5th, 2017

Chris had gotten a call from the receptionist this morning, notifying him that his letter had arrived, he didn’t hesitate to drive right over. But on the drive to the office, Chris had gotten an idea. “Hey,” Chris greeted as he walked up to the receptionist’s desk. She greeted him and handed him the envelope; Chris couldn’t help but notice how it felt a bit thicker than usual. Chris diverted his attention back to the receptionist, “is Dr. Holt in?”

“Yeah, she just finished with a patient actually, would you like me to notify her that you wanted to speak with her?” Chris gave her a nod, the receptionist then dialed Dr. Holts number, passing along a few words as she then hung up. “Go right ahead, Mr. Evans.”

Chris thanked her as he walked into Dr. Holts office, “Good morning, Mr. Evans, is everything alright?”

Chris chuckled, “everything is fine actually.”

“and I’m assuming the project is going as planned so far?” Chris gave her a nod.

“I actually wanted to talk to about the project, though.”

“Oh?”

Chris cleared his throat, “I was thinking, maybe we can get P.O. boxes? That way, she won’t know my actual office and it’ll beat coming here all the time, especially if you guys so happen to be closed.”

Dr. Holt gave Chris a nod in agreement, “that’s a brilliant idea, I’ll have to talk to Dr. Hudson about it and make sure it’s something they’d be fine with, but I’ll get back to you about that.” Dr. Holt smiled, “thanks for that suggestion and I’m happy to hear that everything is working out well.” Dr. Holt couldn’t help but noticed this sort of light in Chris’s eyes, he seemed more excited than usual and that’s saying a lot.

“No problem,” Chris then said his goodbyes as he left the office, not forgetting to say goodbye to the receptionist on the way out.

Once again, Chris sat in his car, contemplating on the opening the letter. But soon his alarm rang, notifying him of the family brunch he had to attend, it looks like the letter was just going to have to wait.

 Chris tried not to speed on the way over to the small diner where his siblings had planned on meeting each other. He quickly parked his car and ran inside, “there he is! I almost thought he was going to ditch us!” Carly said with a smile as Chris sat across from her.

“I wouldn’t miss sibling time for the world,” Chris said with a smile.

“Maybe for those letters,” Carly said with a smirk.

“letters?” Scott asked as he raised his eyebrow.

Chris rolled his eyes, “it’s a project I’m doing to help my therapist. I basically now have a pen pal.”

“That’s a girl!” Carly blurted out.

“A girl??” Shana asked, “what’s her name?”

Chris sighed, “Julie and it’s nothing,” he looked at Carly with a stern look.

“Hmm,” Scott looked at his older brother with a raised eyebrow, “anyway, how was Halloween with the kids?”

“I swear sometimes I hate that holiday, the sugar rush afterward, dear lord!” Carly began to say as Shana nodded her head in agreement. Throughout the brunch they spoke about many things, just catching up. They tried their best to constantly do this whenever all four of them were free. They needed this time together; the siblings were close with each other.

Chris arrived at his home in Boston not too long after the brunch, he sat down on his couch as Dodger was quick to jump onto his lap. Smiling he gave his dog some attention before remembering about the letter that had been in his pocket. Chris quickly took it out of his pocket and opened the unusually thick envelope.

    Dear Chris,

Yes, my random thoughts are normal, and I deserved that, I had no right on roasting you when I had just met you via letters. I’m just happy you have agreed to keep this mystery alive. It’s the only thing fueling my soul at the moment. The burning desire to find out what the heck is your last name is giving me the will to live! Apparently, I’m dramatic?

I have to say that my favorite customer so far must be Mr. William, a sweet old man, comes in every morning about nine and orders the same thing. Never changes. Always sits on the same stool by the counter and never makes a fuss. Now for the worst customer? Where do I even start?? I’ve had a couple of older customers that were male that have hit on me, in some inappropriate ways, but there wasn’t much I could do about it other than ignore it.

Yes, you can call me Jules.  My family tends to call me JuJu. They just always called me that, I guess. Nothing special about the nickname.

You can never go wrong with Etta James, Chris. Never.

You’re funny, Chris. Are you this funny in person? I can’t help but wonder if your personality is different in person than it is in these letters.

You’re an actor? Are you a living in your mom’s basement type of actor? Or are you a living a decent life type of actor?

I appreciate that, Chris, although, that is the sole purpose of these letters. I’m here for you too, though. Little things matter.

Highly doubt we are long lost cousins mostly due to the fact that most of my relatives are from Mexico or California. No family in Boston, from what I can recall but I am assuming that is where you are from? What’s the weather like in Boston? I’m sure it beats this heat here in California. I bet Winter in Boston is gorgeous! Man, am I excited for the winter! Even though, it isn’t much here, it still excites me. I’ll keep that in mind, Chris. We gave them the best lives.

Also, Oliver and Company is one of the best movies ever. Hands down! I am a die-hard Disney fan, for damn sure! I love anything Disney. I become a five-year old when it comes to Disney and I am slightly offended that you already want to be reassigned to someone else. I thought we had something, Chris. How dare you.

Two siblings. Older brothers, Robert and John. Robert is from my dad’s first marriage. I have no relation to him but he’s still my brother. Must be nice to have sisters, though. I’ve always wanted a sister, I got sisters-in-law now that I am older but when I was younger, I could’ve used a sister.

You’re turn for a question. I think I just started the game of 20 questions.

Toodles.

P.S. Yes, very happy. ; )

P.P.S.

My parents divorce. To tell you the truth, I got a small anxiety attack when I saw your question. Talking about my parents’ divorce used to be so easy and less messy but now with everything that has happened recently, it’s messy. I’m not saying that I’m not over their divorce because I am it’s been over ten years now. I am so glad my dad divorced my mother, she was the worst. I hate to say it but she was. Anyways, you sitting down? Got some coffee? Tea? If you’re into that leaf water business. Alright, well, my parents divorced when I was only seven years old but it felt like they weren’t even together before that. Mostly because my mother was always so cold and distant, she never wanted to play with my and my brother John when we were children, even when we begged her would threaten to kill us.

It was to the point that she’d chase us around the house yelling that she was going to kill us, I remember vaguely, one time my father came home to that scene, the anger and hurt in his face, it pained me to see him that way. And I know it pained him to see the mother of his children, the women that begged for children, to see her yelling at her own children that she wanted to kill them. Now that I think about it, I highly believe that my mother suffered from Post-partum depression. But, then, I also think it was guilt for the mistakes she had made in her past.

Anyway, my parents divorced since my mother had cheated on my father, for the third time… that he knew of. To top it off it was with the pastor of a church we went to, close family friend as well. My dad got custody of me and my brother but allowed my mother to see us whenever she wanted, also told her she didn’t have to pay for child support. It upsets me to think about how my dad told her she could see us whenever she wanted and she only came by one or twice a week and when she was there, she never paid us any attention. She was always glued to her damn t.v. watching her telenovelas.

My dad got remarried when I was twelve, the same month of my dads wedding my mom got remarried as well. Suddendly my mother became more attentive towards me and my brother when I turned sixteen, I moved in with my mother because I had issues with my stepmom, which always resulted to us fighting until 3 in the morning and her almost slapping me. It began to cause problems for my dads’ marriage, so I decided to just take myself out of the equation and live at my mom’s. Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time and tell myself not to, but then I don’t know what would’ve happened with my dad if I had just stayed. What would’ve happened to me? Well, I probably know the answer to that.

  Chris couldn’t help but feel sorry for Julie, it must have been tough to have a distant mother as a child. Chris couldn’t help but wonder what drove a mother to want to kill their children, he felt tears welling up in his eyes, he felt this need to protect Julie. Yet, Chris was filled with gratitude for having such a loving mother. He only wished the same for Julie, but he had so many questions to her story, there was only one thing to do.

Taglist: @kelbabyblue

Just wanted to say that some of Julie’s life is based on mine so a lot of the OC characters will be like people from my actual life along with the description of Julie’s parent's divorce and childhood is an actual description of my life.

 I just felt like I can connect more towards this story that way and actually help myself with coping by imagining, what someone I look up to, would say about my situation. The main reason why I began writing this series in the first place. 

#Chris evans #chris evans fanfic #chris evans imagine #chris evans one shot #Chris Evans fandom #chris evans x latina #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x ofc #chris evans spanish #chris evans spanish imagine #chris evans x latina!reader #chris evans x oc #chris evans x latina!oc #chris evans x latina oc #chris evans x reader latina #chris evans x latina reader #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x #chris evans series #chris evans captain america

[sweetchcolate]

fandom: Inuyasha

words: 2934

inukag week, day 6: alternate universe

a/n: inspired by this post by @nokaninja, especially the bit with “the flowers were his moms idea.” For some reason, I pictured Izayoi calling her son “nunu” and it all devolved from there.

@inukag-week

-

“Inuyasha? Inuyasha?” A pause. “Nunu?”

“Gah, ma! Quit it with that nickname! I’m a grown ass― erk, I’m grown up now!” he yelped, ears flattening against his skull.

“I’m sorry, honey.” His ma’s smile was anything but apologetic, amusement hanging on her lips. She was fuckin’ teasing him about this old ass nickname he got for himself back when he was a brat and badly lisping: whenever his ma called him by his name, he tried to mimic her, but with little success. Eventually, he shortened “Inuyasha” to “inu,” more palatable to eleven-months-old him, and completely dropped the “I” over time, thus creating “nunu.”

Unfortunately for him, the nickname stuck. Since that fateful day, he was forever referred to as “nunu” by his parents, and and it didn’t change even as he turned into an adult.

His ma sighed, as if she could read his thoughts. Her eyes were glazed, faraway and nostalgic, seeing something that couldn’t be seen. “Oh, Inuyasha, you could be one hundred years old and have three thousand grandchildren of your own, and you’d still be my baby nunu. I remember when I could hold you up in my arms: you weren’t longer than my forearm.”

“That one of those ‘you’ll understand if you have kids of your own’ lessons, huh?”

His ma nodded. “Right. Today’s is ‘my child is hiding something and I’m wondering what.’”

“W-what makes you think I’m hiding something?” Shit, was he that transparent or was that just his ma’s mom senses?

His ma sipped her coffee calmly before pointing out, “You keep looking at the time and brushing your hands through your hair. Also,” she grinned, impish, “your ears were twitching all day long.”

Of fucking course! He covered the traitors with his hands with a low growl. “These damn ears stand out too much…” he muttered.

His ma laughed. “So, I was right, you were hiding something. Let me guess…” she brought a hand to her chin, supporting her elbow with her other hand, a gesture she had taken from his old man.

He was going to have to tell her anyways, so might as well be now since they were on the subject. “I’m meeting someone,” Inuyasha explained.

“Ooooh,” his ma cooed, clapping her hands in anticipation, eyes bright. “Who is it? Tell me, tell me!”

“Uh…” He looked away as heat crept up his neck and cheeks. Suddenly, he was way too warm, palms sweating, his heart thudding in his chest like a jackhammer and his mouth dry. “It’s… y’know…  Higurashi Kagome.”

“Higurashi?” she repeated, something in her tone making the hair at the base of his neck rise and a shiver crawl down his back. “From the Higurashi shrine, near the park with those swings you loved so much?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh…” was all his ma said in answer, face frozen into something impassive, but eyes glinting with dark memories.

Fuck, he thought, nails digging into his palms as his heart gave one last throb before dropping to his stomach. That wasn’t the reaction he was expecting: he thought she’d be surprised, excited, supportive. Anything but this half-hearted, half-disappointed “oh”.

Worse is that he genuinely liked Kag― spending time with Kagome, but he also wanted his ma to be happy with his choice of partner: she was a good judge of character, and all the previous people he associated with that she didn’t like turned out to be shit.

His past relationship with Kikyo was another mess of its own.

“So, you don’t… approve?” he asked at last, voice tight because of the hard lump that had formed in his throat.

His ma blinked, as if she had woken up from a nightmare. “Oh no, not at all! It’s just…” she bit her lip, brows furrowing in worry and sadness, “little Kagome’s said to have the most spiritual power in her family in generations.”  

Ma… She really was afraid of a repeat, wasn’t she? “Don’t worry, ma. Kagome can’t purify my ass― erk, my butt.”

His ma reached for his hand, rubbing a thumb on his knuckles like when he got sick as a kid, but Inuyasha thought this was more for her comfort than his, this time around. “I know being half-human protects you from total purification, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not painful or unpleasant.”

“Bah,” he drawled, waving a nonchalant hand, “it aint too different from the new moon nights. I trust Kagome not to zap me.”

Hi ma smiled a bit at his choice of words, slightly cheered up. “So, how did you meet her?”

He scratched the base of his ear, flushing a bit at the memories. “Eh, it ain’t nothin’ too glamorous. Her little brother Sota’s in one of my classes and it’s usually his ma who picks him up.”

-

“Oi, Sota! Ya still here?”

The boy looked up from where he was sitting, smelling of dried sweat and fresh tears. “Mama’s not here,” Sota said with a little smile, trying to appear strong, but his wobbling voice betraying his worry and fear.

“She’s probably late or somethin’, kid,” Inuyasha crossed his arms, pointing with his head at the mess left behind him. “C’mon. Since ya’re here, help me clean up.” That would distract the kid and change his mind until mom came to get him.

It was a good hour later, when it grew dark outside and Sota babbling away, that a girl barged in, clearly out of breath. “Sota!” she called, pushing her dark hair away from her face with both hands, revealing worried blue eyes and flushed cheeks. “I’m sorry I’m late!” she breathed.

“Kagome!” Sota yelled, flinging himself in the girl’s arms. “You really came for me!”

The girl, Kagome, placed a hand on Sota’s shoulders, patting his head. “Yeah, Mama’s had a problem with the car and I wasn’t home until recently. I’m sorry I took so long to come, kiddo.”

Sota shook his head. “It’s okay, sis! I helped Inu-sensei put away the benches and he said he would teach me a new move next time!”

Kagome tilted her head. “Inu-sensei?”

“That’d be me,” he drawled, finding it a good time as ever to inject himself in this conversation.

The girl looked up, eyes first stopping on his face before continuing their way upwards, catching… “Dog ears?”

Inuyasha bristled, the hair all over his body rising. Fuck, he forgot to put back his cap after the parents left earlier, having picked up their children from their martial arts class. Sota was a good kid and didn’t mind his dog ears: if anything, kid seemed to have a bit of a hero worship going on with him. Inuyasha’s half-demon status was, in his eyes, something amazing rather than fearful.

That didn’t mean it applied to his sister.

Kagome approached him, the top her head barely coming up to his clavicles. She even had to tilt her head a little, curled hair fanning over her shoulder and held back by a plaid headband (which matched her shirt), to look him in the eyes properly, crystal blue against his yellow-gold.

Well, at least she had the decency to face him, instead of avoiding his gaze. He’d give her that.

Suddenly, without warning, Kagome’s hands shot up towards his ears, fingers tweaking them this way and that. Her brows rose and her eyes shone with surprise. “Wow! They’re real!” she exclaimed with child-like joy.

He didn’t even have the time to react before she flushed, pulling her hands away. “Oh my god, that was so rude! I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me!”

-

Inuyasha’s words tapered off as his ma broke into a fit of laughter, doubling over and strands of dark hair pooling over the table. His ears stuck to his skull in his embarrassment and he carefully pulled her hair away from falling into her cup of coffee and the plates of food. Eventually, his ma straightened up, brushing tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes.

“Oh, nunu,” she said at last, shaking her head in amusement. “This is priceless.”

“Glad to know you get a kick outta your son’s ear misadventures,” he huffed, not really hurt by his ma’s reaction.

“That’s not why I’m laughing so much. It’s just… when I was pregnant with you, your father and I didn’t know what you’d look like. We knew you’d be half-demon, but we didn’t know which features you’d inherited: his hair or mine? His eye color or mine? His demon strength or mine?”

Inuyasha raised a brow, a bit interested in hearing about his early days and how this tied in with Higurashi Kagome tweaking his ears and getting his ma to laugh her ass off.

“When I first held you, I was a mess. It took me over a day to give birth to you, I was exhausted, hungry, half-loopy from all the painkillers, and couldn’t tell your dad from the nurses. And apparently, the first thing I did when I met you was blubber “puppy ears!” and nuzzle them.”

A groan left Inuyasha’s lips and he smacked his face in exasperation. This damn obsession with his ears… It cursed all the women in his life! Even his freakin’ stepmom, his old man’s first wife, slipped a comment about it when they first met! His ma, for her part, never failed to give him funny looks when it happened: he thought that she had grown desensitized to her son having odd features, even for someone part demon, but nope.

Turned out she was the fucken original Inuyasha’s ears fanclub member!

“So, how did you react?” his ma asked and he rolled his eyes.

“Y’know exactly how.”

“And yet, if you’re meeting up with her now, it means your grumpy attitude didn’t discourage her,” she teased.

Kagome was stubborn and gave back as much as she got. While most people cowered when his temper made an appearance, she had yelled right back, claiming he was “rude” for exploding on her when she had apologized for tweaking his ears.

Despite their rocky start, Inuyasha got to know Kagome better, since she became responsible for picking Sota up once his classes were done: she was stubborn, she was reckless, and she drove him absolutely nuts. Kagome was his total opposite: an optimist to his cynic views, openly kind to his gruff attempts at comfort, cheerful to the almost permanent scowl on his face, and so on.

Worst of all?  She was a master sneak: slowly, so gradually he didn’t realize it, she had slipped past his walls, picking a spot in his heart and nestling there as if she owned the place. It wasn’t long before he had her name on his lips almost every day and before the syllables “ka-go-me” made his ears perk up in interest and his heart beat hopefully.

Inuyasha from a year ago would have been disgusted at his open vulnerability when it came to Kagome. Inuyasha of the present wouldn’t have it any other way.

“She gets attached too easily,” he answered in the end, voice fond and eyes soft, unable to find the words to properly describe Kagome.

His ma raised a brow, one corners of her mouth tilting up not quite in disbelief, but more like she knew something that he didn’t.

“What?”

Her smile grew wider, like the cat that ate the canary. “Nothing. I’m just glad you seem to be looking forward to that date. Speaking of which,” she said, tone pitching at the end, “when are you leaving?”

“Uh…” he took a quick look at the clock. “In an hour or so. I’m meetin’ Kagome at her place.”

“And what are you going to do?”

He shrugged. “Eat a bit, see a movie, hang out.” Honestly, he hadn’t planned this far ahead: being in Kagome’s presence was enough. He didn’t mind following what she had in mind as long as she was happy.

His ma pouted, tracing the rim of her coffee cups, as if disappointed he didn’t give her more meat to chew on. “And are you bringing her a gift?”

“Why would she need one?” Inuyasha blinked, genuinely confused.

“To commemorate, to show you were looking forward to that date, to show you care or simply to make her happy. There are many reasons, honey.”

To show I care… to make her happy… the words looped in his mind. What could he get for her without acting like that Hodo guy from her middle school days?  Well, for starters, nothing related to illnesses or “get better” gifts! He could also scratch shrine/priestess-related stuff: she already had all a girl could dream of in that matter, thanks to her family.

“What about jewelry?” he asked his ma, looking for advice. Yeah, that sounded good: a necklace, to match with the black pearl hanging around his neck!

“Mm, it might be my own experiences talking, but I think it’s better to keep jewelry for later dates or for when you’re in a stable relationship,” she answered, fingering the thin silver chain around her wrist, a memento from his old man. She looked up with a small smile, “But what about flowers?”

-

“Inuyashaaaaa!” Kagome called from above, waving his way before she went down the stairs as quick as she could.

His heart lurched at the sound of her voice and he clutched the bouquet tighter behind his back. Shit, hope she didn’t see the flowers!

In the end, he had picked them as a gift, per his ma’s suggestion. They were a deep pink, almost red, their smell soft and their petals velvety. He also made sure to pick sturdy flowers which needed little care, so that Kagome could keep them for a long time.

Or at least, he hoped she would.

Kagome skipped over the last few steps, her momentum carrying her forward. Inuyasha stepped in front of her to catch her, breath knocked out of his lungs when she collided with his chest with an oof! He had to place a hand on her back to steady her, fingers sinking into her fluffy green top and drawing her closer instead.

“Thanks for stopping me, Inuyasha!” Kagome chirped, tilting her head back to catch his eyes.  Her red lips curved up into a pleased smile, blue eyes soft, the tip of her ponytail brushing his hand.

He flushed. “Ya’re welcome.”

Kagome glanced at him up and down, taking in his outfit. “You clean up real nice!” she said. “I really dig your jacket too. I’m almost jealous!” she laughed, tugging lightly on the lapels, teasing.

Inuyasha never really had much of a reason to wear his red bomber jacket in the past, despite it being his favorite. It was one of his old man’s mementos, and he didn’t want to risk ruining it during fights with arrogant demon punks who got too frisky with him.

He also avoided wearing the thing, as its vibrant color would draw in people’s eyes and bring out scowls. It was like painting a big fat target on his back, turning himself into a matador’s red cape and the crowds into enraged bulls, as if he didn’t get enough flack for being half-demon.

It figured Kagome would enjoy his jacket: she seemed to appreciate about him what other people derided him for.

“Thanks. You… uh,” he swallowed, mouth dry and ears twitching. “You look good too.” Real cute.

She beamed, blue eyes glittering, twirling on the spot to show off. “Thank you! I almost didn’t wear this top, because Sota said I looked like ‘a green caterpillar’.” She mimicked her brother’s voice at the end. “The brat!”

Inuyasha smirked, teasing. “He ain’t wrong.”

Kagome mock-gasped, bringing a hand to her chest. “Well fine! Guess I will go back home to change into another shirt, since some people don’t have an eye for fashion.” With a huff, she whirled around, ponytail swinging, hands on her hips. Her brown skirt clung to her legs as she took the first few steps towards the shrine.

“Oi, Kagome,” he called, following after her. He waited until she turned around, a questioning look on her face. Inuyasha swallowed hard, throat working, heart damn near vibrating in his chest. His hand shook behind his back.

“If you’re going back up, t-take this too!” he managed, voice breaking at the end. Inuyasha whipped out the bouquet of flowers as his face erupted in flames, blushing so hard he was sure he was as red as his jacket. He avoided looking at Kagome, eyes settling on her bright earrings instead.

The blood rushed in his veins and his heart pounded in his head like a headache, so loud his ears barely caught Kagome’s faint gasp, a small hitch in her breath. When her hands wrapped around the bouquet, cool fingers brushing against his, he almost flinched, the muscles in his arms spasming.

He risked a quick glance at Kagome’s face: she was staring at the flowers with stars in her blue eyes. Her mouth was slightly open in wonder, cheeks as red and bright as the flowers he had offered her. Inuyasha was pretty sure he also saw sparkles shining around her.

Kagome brought the flowers to her face, inhaling deeply a few times. “They smell so good,” she whispered, as if afraid to break the moment. She then touched his hand and when he didn’t pull away, slipped her hand in his, squeezing.

“Thank you, Inuyasha,” she told him, voice gentle and full of feelings. “They’re wonderful.”

“Ya’re welcome.”

He squeezed her hand back.

#inuyasha #inukag week #inukag #inukag week day 6 #my fanfiction #sweetchcolate's nonsense of the day

[fakesurprise]

Breakfast of Champions

“Mom?” It is Zen who opens the door to the bedroom. He’s never called me mom before. “Is there a reason you made breakfast and went back to sleep?”

“What?”

“Erin said ‘Mom needs to see this’, so said I should tell you.”

I get out of bed, throwing a robe over my nightgown. I can hear sounds from the kitchen on the first floor. Zen turns away when I change; Nyle accused him of listening too hard when Nyle was changing last week. I have no idea if it was a joke or not, but Zen seems to have taken it to heart. I walk up behind him, resting my hand on his left shoulder. He turns his head toward me.

“Something wrong?”

“I don’t know; you don’t smell of breakfast, or a shower after it,” he says softly.

I reach down and snag his left hand. “Kitchen, then.”

He nods and leads the way down the hallway, his cane brushing the floor for stray dog toys. Nyle cleaned up after Rover a lot, but Rover was still just a service dog in training. I went down the stairs at Zen’s cautious pace: he had a talent for seeming calm, though his hand was squeezing mine tighter than I think he knew; I didn’t let go, though I had to squeeze a bit to make it past Luisa’s chairlift and still hold his hand, but I’m not sure Zen noticed.

Which worried me, but not as much as the smells from the kitchen. Bacon, eggs, waffles, chicken, pancakes, toast: I lose track after that.

I walk beside him into the kitchen, stop dead. And swear.

I have a rule about no swearing in the house. No one calls me on it. The others are in the kitchen already. Erin grins at my expression, for once not hiding her scars with her hair. Nyle is filling a plate with food arranged in some order that makes sense only to him. Luisa is just staring at the food from the doorway into her bedroom as if she isn’t sure it’s real.

“I put pictures on my phone,” Erin says.

I just nod. The kitchen table and counters are heaping. Every breakfast food I could think of and many I never considered breakfast foods. Even breakfast doggie treats that Rover is devouring near the back stairs. Milk. Juices. Coffee. Teas. It us more than I’ve seen in my life in one place, and certainly more than we could ever eat.

“I think – I think everyone can dig in,” I manage, before heading to the house phone. “Erin, get everyone drinks. Nyle, make sure Rover is fine. Luisa, help Zen with choices.”

They begin to act as I call my parents on the other side of town. Dad answers, and asks if there is a breakfast as my place too. My stepmom and he had the same thing, though smaller. Along with everyone else they’ve called in town. No one knows what to make of any of it, but Bernice – my stepmom – shouts over the phone that the two local churches and the mosque are having a twitter war over who is responsible. I thank them, say we’re fine, put the phone away.

“I – it seems every house in town might have been giving a breakfast buffet.”

“That is impossible,” Nyle says flatly.

Which is when the toast appears on the stove, the only empty space left for anything. Sourdough, white, multi grain, half-buttered and half-not. A boy is standing by the stove. He is eleven, and looks chagrined.

“I am all kinds of sorry, but I was so busy doing breakfasts for champions that I almost forgot the toast for this house!”

“This is not possible,” Nyle says, even flatter. He drops the food in his shock, and the rest of us brace for a meltdown that – stops, as the boy moves somehow, catches the food and hands it back to Nyle.

And grins.

The moment the boy appeared, Erin hid her face without thinking. She stops at the grin. Lucia is just staring. Zen is facing the boy like a tree leaning toward the sun.

Nyle smiles back. It’s not a grin. I don’t think Nyle knows how to grin, but it’s the first real smile I’ve seen from him in a long time. He steps back, the smile fading, confusion replacing it. “What did you do?”

“Oh!” The boy steps back in turn. “Sorry. I am really jaysome with bindings and I almost hurt yours.”

“I do not –.” Nyle’s voice cracks a little. “I do not know what just happened.”

“I didn’t think cuz a Jay is really good at making friends and sometimes I forget that people all make friends in different ways and that was an oops,” the boy says in a rush.

“You hurt Nyle?” Zen asks. “He’s never sounded like that.”

“Uhm.” The boy scratches his head. “I don’t think so but I’m not good at that kind of thinking and! I’ve been really busy doing lots and lots of breakfasts and sometimes do forgettings too you know!”

Rover moves between the boy and Nyle. Not growling, but between them.

“Oh.” And the boy’s voice is very soft, and he vanishes. Actually vanishes.

“The smile is gone?” Zen asks. “I can feel it, if that makes any sense, but it’s gone?”

“He vanished,” Lucia says numbly. “He did impossibilities, and Nyle made him run away before we could ask anything,” and the last word is hard, edged.

Even Nyle doesn’t miss that. “I did not think. He scared me. Did he not scare you?”

“Why did he scare you?” I ask before Lucia can add anything else.

“I do not –.” Nyle shakes his head. “I don’t have words.” And every one of us stare at him. “Is something the matter?” he asks.

“That was a contraction. You used a contraction,” Zen breathes.

Nyle doesn’t move, his face slowly draining of colour.

“It may be wise to eat the food.” I spin, and a man comes in the back door. Rover normally barks at strangers, but runs up to the man and accepts a pat. He looks ordinary. Early thirties, I think, but he seems to take the kitchen entirely in stride, and the food as well.

“What is going on here?” I demand.

“I am sorry. Jay decides that everyone in the town needed a breakfast fit for champions last night. And spend the evening making a lot of food and delivering it. He is very, very good with bindings, but this was among the last homes he delivered to and forgetting the toast was – well, not jaysome.”

“What is he?” Erin asks. She’s not hiding her scars from him, either.

“Complicated, though Jay doesn’t believe that about himself. I’m friends with him, and he asked me to fix this ‘oops’.” He smiles wanly. “Not that Jay knows what it is, of course.” he says dryly as he turns to Nyle. “Are you all right?”

“I do not know. For a moment, I was some other me. Still Nyle, but not this Nyle?”

The man nods. “Yes. Jay has no true understanding of what his grin can do. To him, it’s more natural than breathing.”

“Does he have to breathe?” Zen visible hunches as he feels us staring at him. “I don’t think he was, not as much as people do?”

The man lets out a sigh. “Jay is from far Outside the universe. Many things are different there, but Jay just wants to make friends.”

“He can do other things,” Lucia says, the words not a question.

“Sometimes, yes. He could have made Nyle no longer Nyle,” the man says, though no one has offered up their names.

“I’d still be me if I could walk again,” she snaps.

“Yes. But how would you explain it? Jay is very excitable, but also prone to adventures and getting lost, and forgetting many things. He could do bindings so you would walk. But they might not last. He might need to bind something large, and have to unmake other bindings to do so. That would be an unkindness to him as well as yourself.”

“I think I would be fine, if I could see again only for a time that might be short,” Zen whispers.

“Maybe. But not every blind person would be. And if Jay helps one, there is no reason he wouldn’t help everyone else. There would be notice, questions, fear. There are – certain forces making sure that what Jay did this morning doesn’t spread beyond this town, that it passes into urban legend. But even they have limits if Jay alters the world on a large scale.”

“I don’t need that,” Erin says. “All I need is money for plastic surgery. But many other people need that too, don’t they?”

“And for other things,” the man says. “But that much can be done, with money Jay was forced not to spend on food. Jay would want you to have this then, I imagine, though unlike the food it is not a gift.” And there is a credit card in his hand that he hands to Erin before walking back to the door. “Eat as much as you like, freeze as much as you wish. The rest will be sent elsewhere after everyone here is done.”

“To places with poverty?” Nyle asks.

The man nods. “Yes,” he says. “Places Jay doesn’t know much about, because it is – not safe for Jay to know some things.”

And Jay appears again, beside the man. “You fixed the oops, Honcho!”

“I did,” the man says.

“Man. That would have been a bad oops too because!–” and he is beside me between moments “–I don’t want the bindings here to break when you foster lots of kids and that’s very jaysome. Honcho and Charlie foster lots of feelings toward me too,” he says proudly. 

I doubt his real name is Honcho, and I have no idea who Charlie is, but Jay seems to simply assume everyone knows them. I wonder what that must be like, but the man just looks at me and waits. “I foster a lot of feelings for the kids in my care,” I say. “Mostly they’re good ones.”

Jay grins. Innocent, joyous, free and excited. It takes my breath away to think about what could be done with such a grin. “Lots of people are mostly good ones even if sometimes they forget to be jaysome.”

“Speaking of, we have food to start moving,” the man says.

“Oh, okay! That means I can find a moving truck!” And Jay vanishes again.

“Did anyone else hear that?” Zen asks, and it is almost thirty seconds before we hear the rumbling in the air.

The man sighs. “Sometimes, just sometimes –.” He walks toward the back door. “Of course Jay would consider a UFO as a moving truck.”

“It is not a UFO.” The man stops and turns as Nyle speaks. “It is entirely identified.”

“Heh. A point. I will try and explain that to anyone cross with Jay over this incident,” he says. He stares at us, his gaze thoughtful and distant. “I am the wandering magician of this era, and there is magic in a home like this, in what you do and why you do it. Jay may come back here in the future, needing help. Help him as you can; sometimes even a Jay needs help in being jaysome, though he might never understand that at all.”

And he walks outside, the sound overhead vanishing.

I take a deep breath, and head to the table. “Start eating. I want everyone so full you don’t eat for two days and it keeps the budget reasonable this month.”

Everyone laughs at that except Nyle, but Nyle does eat as much as the rest of us.

We don’t talk about what happened. Later, I hear Erin crying in her room, but I don’t enter. I have no words I could say. The magician said the credit card wasn’t a gift, and all I can hope is that Erin comes to terms with that. But not as much as I selfishly hope that Jay never ends up in my home again; fostering children is one thing. Jay is so far beyond that that I don’t have words for it. Not even jaysome.

#writing #prose #magician series #poetryriotprompt #breakfast of champions

[beebomeebo]

Numb

Type: fluff

Request// “do you do anything besides smut? if so, can you do a fluff about a girl who's really depressed because her dad and stepmom are total assholes and brenny walks in on her relapsing and everything is all cute and cuddly bc they cry together and i need to be in a fucking relationship when that happens oml”

(A/N) Ahahahahahah sorry guys for being dead for so long, it has NOT been the best year for me but I'm dedicated to get more stuff done and get my shit together. & omg guys, thank you so much for 400 followers!! I’m sitting here in bed at 3:56 in the morning almost crying because I didn’t think my writing was that likable. Anyways, have a dribble drabble

Warnings: sneaky Bren, crying, the tiniest bit of angst, self-doubt, back talking, slight physical fight as well as verbal, cursing, :) fluffy Bren (: , !!no smut!! 

Pairing: Brendon Urie x Reader

Word Count: 2.2K

 I finally arrive home after a very long day at school. As I walk through my front door I slightly lower my shoulder so my backpack can slide off and heavily meet the wood floor. I throw my hair into a messy ponytail before slugging myself over to the couch. All I wanted at this moment was a nice nap.

I cross into the main hallway and into the living room. Not even bothering to walk around the couch I flip over from the back of it. Landing face down, the fluffy cushions mold to my body as I reach for a throw pillow to place my head on. Right as I close my eyes I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I groan quietly to myself as I dig it out. Keeping my half my face buried into the pillow I bring the screen to my face to read the text message.

 Brendon :)

Hey, how did school go?

 Too tired to write a real response I type:

 Stupid. Gonna sleep, txt u l8r

 I then toss my phone onto the coffee table and melt into the warm couch cushions.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

“Y/N! Y/N!”

I’m abruptly yanked out of my dream. My vision goes from black to hazy to a blur. And as my eyes adjust to my surroundings I feel a soft object collide with my face.

“Y/N! Wake up right now!” I turn to realize that my bitch of a stepmother, Sara, had thrown a pillow at me. “I specifically told you to clean the bathroom and the kitchen when you got home. And what have you been doing for the past two hours?”

I peel myself from the couch and glance over at the clock to notice, indeed, that two hours have passed. “Uh, sleeping?”

Obviously very pissed, Sara mumbles between her teeth, “Worthless child.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I retaliate.

“I said, ‘worthless child.’” She replies, this time slightly louder. “All you do around here is eat our food and sleep. You never do chores, you never do anything for this family.”

“What the fuck do you mean I don’t do anything? I literally just gave your dumbass dog a bath.”

“Do not use that language with me.”

“Or what, Sara? Or fucking what?” My blood begins to boil as Sara’s face turns with anger. With my adrenaline up, I quickly stand to face Sara. I was a good five inches taller so I wasn’t really scared of her. Just as I was about to turn around to retire to my bedroom Sara quickly raises her hand and strikes it across my cheek. I stumble slightly but quickly regain my balance. Now beyond pissed, I shove Sara into the kitchen counter behind her and her back collides with the marble. She falls to the ground clutching her back.

She picks her head up and looks up at me. “Go live with your fucking mother.”

“Fuck you.” I spat and then stormed into my room, making sure to grab my phone from the coffee table.

As I was leaving, Sara shouted, “Nobody loves you, you ungrateful brat.”

I shoved earphones into my head and turned the volume as high as it can go. Then I just lay there in my bed, looking up at my ceiling. My vision becomes blurry as droplets of water develop in my eyes and then disappear down my face as I blink them away. Soon, I can only see blurry before I completely shut my eyes and just weep. A small puddle forms on my pillow where my tears have landed. I try to lose myself in the loud songs that played through my headphones but I couldn’t help replay those words: “Nobody loves you.” It was as if my head was a broken stereo and those words were the only songs that would play.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I stopped crying about twenty minutes ago and now was blankly staring up at my ceiling, imagining what it would be like if my dad never met Sara.

A whole lot better. I thought to myself.

After a few minutes of creating my perfect life with just my dad- one where he never went to that bar and met Sara- I hear a muffled tapping noise through my blaring music. I quickly sit up to see if it was my dad coming in to yell at me. But my door remained closed and unmoved. Shrugging it off as just my imagination I lay back down but here it again. I jerk myself upright and this time I lower my music volume and take an earbud out.

“Yes?” I say quietly. No response. Then, the tapping noise starts up again, this time a bit louder and aggressive. It catches my attention that the sound was coming from my window. Tap tap tap. Unaware of what was waiting for me on the other side of the glass, I grab my softball bat that I kept in the corner of my room. As I slowly creep toward my purple curtains a faint silhouette starts to appear; as I step closer and closer the figure becomes taller and taller. Fear surges through me like lightning as I become only inches away from the sheer that masked the figure. Tap tap tap. I close my eyes, take the deepest breath my lungs can receive, and gather every ounce of courage that I have. Swiftly unmasking the window, I raise my weapon in anticipation of an attack. The figure becomes recognizable from the tall, dark hair to the sharp line of their jaw. I pause in space as my mind races to attach a name to the face.

“Brendon.” I breathe with relief mixed with surprise.

“Y/N, let me in! And why are you wielding a bat?” The boy says through the glass.

“What are you doing here?” I asked hushed so Sara wouldn’t hear me. Setting the bat against the wall I unlock the window and lift the glass so Brendon can crawl through.

“You weren’t answering my calls and texts and I got worried.” He says to my back as I close the window and pull the curtains over to cover it. I sigh in response.

“I just haven’t been in the mood to talk to anyone,” I say turning around to meet him.

Brendon’s face shifts from soft to concern as his eyebrows furrow and his puffed lips gap open. His stocky fingers gently graze the side of my face that had previously made contact with Sara’s palm. My eyes darted to his shoes. He wore his favorite worn sneakers and I noticed there was still dirt on them from waiting outside the window.

“Don’t tell my Sara did this.” His voice was stern yet soft.

I stayed silent, scared that if I speak my words will catch in the back of my throat. I clench my jaw to pull back tears that were forming.

Brendon cloaks me with his arms as I’m pulled into his chest. My arms wrap around his torso and hold tightly onto him. We stand there for a moment in perfect silence.

“What did Ms. Skank do this time?” Brendon asks gently pulling away from me and pulling me toward the bed to sit down.

I sat on my cross leg next to him as I relive the entire scene, making sure to tell Brendon every moment I could recall.

“’Go live with your mother?’ What kind of person says that type of thing?” He asks with disbelief.

I shrug, staring at my wood floor. “She knew it would hurt me. That’s why she said it.” I feel the similar adrenaline kick as my heart picks up speed. My jaw clenches, my fists close tightly, and my body stiffens as I reply every moment that Sara has made me feel worthless and stupid. Then I think of my mom, how gentle she would be, how understanding. My muscles soften at the memories of her.

Noticing my change in mood, Brendon squeezes my hand and pulls me to his chest. I rest my head on his shoulder and he rubs my arm.

“I miss her so much.” I finally whisper, teardrops hitting Brendon’s leg.

“I know, I know.” He hushes, gently placing a kiss in my hair.

I break away from him. “You know, if I hadn’t gone to that party this never would have happened.” I choked.

“Y/N, don’t blame yourself. This is not your fault.” Brendon’s puppy dog eyes scan my face and I notice that a thin film of water was developing on his bottom lash line.

I break away from his eye contact and lower my head to hide my face. “Sometimes I wish I was with her. Forever.”

Stumbling on his words Brendon chokes, “Please don’t ever say that, Y/N. I need you. You’re the only thing that’s real in this shit hole of a town. If you left I don’t know what I would do.”

I finally gather the strength to look up at Brendon; his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, there were small rivers running down his face and his bottom lip quivered. I crash into his chest and let all my emotions go. All the pain and hurt that I’ve been bottling up pours out of like a waterfall as I clutch onto Brendon. He began sobbing along with me. In that moment, we were both vulnerable. Yet, together, we were strong.

After what felt like ages, the sobbing calms and we’re both just left holding each other. I break away to wipe my smeared makeup off my face but Brendon beats me to it. “I’m sorry for being such an ugly crier,” I whisper into his hand.

“Join the club.” He chuckles and I catch a glimpse of the hairpin curl of his smile.

I smile weakly at his joke.

“Why don’t we get you cleaned up and watch some movies, huh?” He raises and offers his hand.

I nod and accept his hand in mine as he leads me to my bathroom. I blankly stare into my mirror as Brendon turns on the shower. My body feels numb and exhausted from crying and all I can do is stare at my reflection. Noticing my lack of movement Brendon wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder. I hold his strong arms. We make eye contact through the reflection and I become lost in his deep brown eyes.

“You know, you’re the most beautiful girl at school.” He speaks to me. “I was so nervous to speak to you last year. And when you said yes to going on that date- after like, five attempts- I was beyond excited. You make me feel like a kid in a candy shop.” His cheesy words force my cheeks to redden and I try to muffle my laughter. “And you taste just as sweet.” He winks and smiles at his own humor.

I roll my eyes and break away from his grip. “Ok. It’s time for you to leave.” I laugh as I playfully shove him out of the bathroom.

“The way you scream my name is so sexy!” He says quickly before I close the door on him.

“Shut up!” I yell through the door. Once in peace, I grin like an idiot. Stripping my clothes off my body I feel the water and once naked, I step into the steaming chamber. Every muscle relaxes as I lose myself in the water.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I turn off the shower and step onto my bathmat. The yarn bristles tickle the space in between my toes. I reach for my towel and wrap it around my wet body. Opening the door, I notice Brendon sitting on my bed flipping through Netflix. His attention switches to me.

“Feel better?” He smiles.

“A little,” I answer making my way to my closet.

“Oh, I already got your PJs ready.” He lifts a pile of fabric that was at his side. I smile and take the clothing from him.

We stare at each other for a moment before he gets the idea and turns his back to me. I face my back to him as I let the towel drop to my feet. And quickly slip on the warm, soft fabric. I turn around to a smiling Brendon.

“Were you watching the entire time?” I laugh, chucking the towel at his head, landing on his head and drapes over his face.

“Maybe.” He sings through the towel. “You’re just so sexy.” He chuckles, removing the towel from his face.

I roll my eyes while I take my place next to him. “So, what are we watching?”

“Well, I was thinking either Finding Dory or Minions.” He showcases the most childlike grin.

“Really?” I say sarcastically, “Kid movies?”

“Finding Dory it is!” He pecks my cheek and clicks on the movie title. I roll my eyes as he pulls me to his chest. Shuffling my body, I adjust to cuddle up to him. My arm drapes perfectly around his torso and I feel the steady movements of his breathing. Brendon nestles his face against my hair, planting a kiss on it. “You know I love you, right?”

“Shut up and watch the movie.” I tease.

“Well fuck you, too, then.”

#brendon urie #brendon urie smut #brendon patd #brendon urie fluff #Panic! at the Disco #panic and the disco smut #panic at the disco fluff #Twenty One Pilots #twenty one pilots smut #Josh Dun #joshua dun #josh dun smut #tyler joseph #tyler joseph smut #fall out boy #fall out boy smut #Pete Wentz #pete wentz smut #patrick stump #patrick stump smut #brendon urie x reader

[bananapeel007-blog]

Post #5 The Storm

Nov 13th 2019

So this summer with the beautiful weather we go we also had two days of a storm. But this storm wasn’t ur typical storm it was a tornado. And it formed right on top of my area. So it was a regular Friday at 4 o clock everything was going pretty well we knew it was gonna rain so my dad at started to barbecue our dinner early just in case. I was sitting outside and watching my cat cause she can’t go far cause she’s declawed and we don’t want another cat you know killing her. My step mom gets home around 4:30 she says hey goes inside for a second to put her stuff away comes out and helps my dad with the cooking. I’m watching the cat chase bugs around the yard which is the funniest thing I’ve seen ever. But me and my dad look up around 5 o’clock and see it the clouds are turning and we hear thunder from the water. And as soon as we see the clouds turning in that certain way we both said oh shit and finished what we where doing. I brought the cat inside and he brought the food inside and covered the grill and we just stayed in and waited for the storm to pass. We both had no clue that tornado forming would hit us.

So as my parents where prepping other stuff for cooking my girlfriend FaceTimed me and me and her called for a good 30 minutes I went downstairs and me her and my parents are all taking. And I asked hey is their a storm coming for u and she went ya it should be hitting in an hour. I told her theirs a tornado forming but it’s definitely heading farther out. And as soon as I said that the wind picked up. The tornado me and my dad saw went out towards howick and actually hit my friend Tyler. But I had no clue their was a tornado that had formed over the water and ten minutes later half way through mine and her convo she froze. Which was odd cause I have really good internet and so does she then FaceTime call failed. And my lights went out and everything stopped and it seemed like that for everyone. So we went whatever it’ll be back and ate our food then after we ate we got bored so we decided we should go for a drive and see who else’s power is out. Now it’s been raining like hell for 2 hours now and we thought nothing off it. Little did we know driving into the town that it was flooded their where people outside their houses completely flooded out. Ambulances and fire trucks everywhere whole streets and neibourhoods flooded and looked like a hurricane hit. As later decided to drive the opposite way down our road and not even a five minute walk from my house their it was a massive tree had taken out power lines and the road was blocked by and well then we knew we are fucked if that isn’t fixed.

Now you might be thinking how are u fucked it’s just the power is out. But not for us for us when the power is out that also means we have no water no toilets and worst of all no sub pump. Now us and all of our neibours are all prone to flooding cause the water from the storm that went into the ground around our house can’t get pumped out and we are to put it mildly are completely fucked. So we went around through a side neibourhood to get around the tree and their where people who’s houses had trees fall on them and destroy parts of them. We drove all the way down and we saw nothing no power for anyone . So we went back home to be on flood check we checked our crawl space with our sub pump and their was a bit of water in it which is definitely not good but we couldn’t do anything so we left it. 7:30 comes around we are sitting in our living room talking with the candles on the thunder and lighting and storm still hitting us. Then we see our neibour knock on the door we answer and he simply says hey do u have a generator I can borrow mine just fucking exploded in my face. And my dad went no I’m sorry we don’t even have a generator where screwed to. And my neibour stayed well I’m gonna go to canac to buy one but thanks anyway so me and my dad had an idea tommrow morning we wake up at 5 am to get a generator and get that water out. We went to bed at 8:30 that night due to the boredom. During the night I had to go to the washroom so I went outside to the stream that runs through my back yard and the stream was ten times higher then that morning and the water was rushing extremely fast. And I thought if this doesn’t get fixed soon where all screwed. After that I walked down to the tree and their where finally city officials their so what I thought was hey Maybe they’ll get this tree away and it’ll be fixed by morning so I walked back and slept.

The next morning I woke up at 5 am. My dad was still sleeping which was ok so I walked down to the tree and their it was not touched and no police city or even hydro Quebec and I just remember just saying dammit and walked back my dad got up my stepmom went to work me and my dad not showered and sweaty cause of no air conditioning went to canac a ten minute drive of seeing flooded houses and neibourhoods and we made it. We saw a hydro truck at a breakfast place so we thought hey maybe that’s them. We went into canac and we asked this young guy so we would like this generator please the cheapest one for 500$ and he went sorry where sold out of that one. So my dad says ok then I’ll take this one 800$ he says again ya where sold out to. Then my dad pointed at the 1200$ dollar one and said this one? And he just says we are out of everything we sold them all yesterday. Me and my dad both said fuck and went to chatauguay to Canadian tire. And their where generators but none that would power the house and overpriced. So then we said to hell with it and drove all the way to st Hubert and hour away to the next canac just for one of those generators and we got the 500$ one. And went home as fast as we could when we got their we unboxed it and checked the water in the crawl space. If we didn’t buy this generator we wouldn’t have had a house cause the water was extremely close to flooding us my dad crawled into the water and plugged in the generator and with the help of our neibour. Mr exploding generator man and his dog we got it set up. I started it and we only connected the fridge for our food and the sub pump and instantly the sub pump went on for an hour. After that me and my dad went to my abwelas(grandma in Spanish) and ate and showered and got changed. On our way back we finally saw them hydro Quebec and they where cutting the tree. Me and my dad got gas and filled the generator and started it back up.

A few hours pass of getting to know our neibours cause we had only moved in a few months ago and we got to know and meet all of them and I made a joke to them saying hey you knows what’s funny about this as soon as this power comes back on I guarantee none of us will ever talk again cause where gonna be inside. Hey at least I made them laugh. We asked the hydro guy when do they think they’ll be done and th way said by 5:30 pm and it was 2 pm so not bad a few hours pass and the tree was gone and the line was up they where just cooking it. We where talking to one of the hydro workers and he said they reason their so late is cause everyone was busy in this area so they called us in from Quebec City so we have been driving all day and night And he seemed exhausted. It’s 5:29 and me my dad and mr expoding generator man our watching them work then we see the hydro guys finish it up and call the city to turn the power back on and it took a few minutes but when they did the lines exploded which he explained is normal but everything seemed fine then he checked our power and everything snapped right back on all of our neibours lights where on cause the power had gone out at 6. And all of our neibours where celebrating and we disconnected our generator and went inside to fix everything me and my dad went to my stepmoms parents to meet her and we talked with them for an hour then we ate at an Italian restaurant and went home and showered I had never passed out harder that night of just exhaustion of working with my dad driving everywhere that day. And looking back at it I take it as a great bonding moment with my dad. And I moment of noticing u don’t need to have a good time without electricity and tv and video games and internet just being around with family is fun. And my final thought I don’t know how the fuck my abwelo(Spanish for grandfather) lived in a shack in the desert for a big part of his goddamm life I never wanna do that shit again I’ll give up my internet and light and tv and video games no problem but don’t fuck with my air conditioning.............. your still here? It’s over go home. Go....... chica chicaaaa.

P.s sorry was late on it had a bit of a family emergency that involved my stepmom my dads car and a wall. She’s ok not hurt at all but I can’t say the same for my dads car anyway sorry about being late will try to be on top of it next time.

[badwolf1988-blog]

Winter Snow: Chapter Sixteen

Author’s Note: The Kasey character that is mentioned is the main character in an upcoming, still untitled sister fic to this story for those who are curious.

It was after eleven by the time we made it back to the house but Leland and Jamie were still awake...and Dakota’s Uncle Duane Lee and his wife, Kasey, were still there. Dog, Beth, and the flubberworm they called a daughter were thankfully gone.

“We were starting to get worried about the two of you,” Leland said as we joined the family in the living room.

Jamie just shot me a knowing look as Dakota took a seat in the recliner and pulled me to sit in his lap.

“So, we have some good news...” Dakota said as he slowly rocked the chair with his foot.

I knew that he was going to tell them about the engagement. We had decided, while lying in each other’s arms on the beach, to just let everyone know. If we were getting married in only a few months, there was no point in keeping it a secret. We would tell his family while we were there in Hawaii and we would tell mine just as soon as we returned to the mainland.

“And this good news would be...?” Leland prompted.

“I asked Winter to marry me tonight and she said yes.” Dakota was grinning like a fool as he announced.

Leland smiled before getting to his feet and walking over to slap Dakota on the shoulder. “Congratulations, son...you made the right choice this time.”

“I know I did.” He replied as he laid a playful kiss on my cheek.

I giggled as Jamie said, “I’m so happy for the two of you but I thought you were going to wait until her birthday to ask her, Dakota?”

Leland went and retook his seat next to his wife on the couch and Dakota wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a gentle squeeze.

“Well, plans changed tonight.” He responded.

“You mean, your granddad changed them?” Duane Lee spoke up with a laugh. He was seated on the loveseat with his arm around Kasey’s shoulders. ���Welcome to the family, Winter. With the additions of you, Jamie, and Kasey, the decent people are starting to outnumber the crazies in the Chapman family.”

“Thanks...I guess?” I laughed. How did you respond to something like that?

“What did end up happening with Granddad anyway?” Dakota finally inquired.

As much as I really didn’t want to think about the great Dog the Bounty Hunter, I had to admit that I was curious.

“Your dad and stepmom had some not nice things to say to him and Beth and then your dad asked them to leave.” Was Kasey’s polite way of putting it.

Duane Lee snorted. “More like told them to get the fuck out.”

“Language!” Kasey scolded as she smacked her husband slightly in the stomach.

I had only met Kasey earlier that day but I knew two things - 1. She was a tatted up bail bondswoman/bounty hunter with green hair (emerald to be exact). 2. Despite her biker chick looks, she was a southern belle from Florida who really hated cursing and vulgar language of any kind.

“Why are you hitting me when Leland is the one who originally said it?” Duane Lee snapped.

Leland just shook his head and changed the subject, “Dakota, how would you feel about me and Jamie moving to Denver?”

This question surprised me almost as much as Dakota proposing. Leland hadn’t been living in Alabama long and Jamie had spent her whole life there. What would prompt that kind of a move?

I turned and looked at Dakota to see his reaction.

He shook his head, “It wouldn’t bother me...I think we both would enjoy having the two of you closer. I’m going to be honest, Pops...we really don’t plan on waiting to have a baby...and I’d really like to have you around for that.”

Dakota was never that open or emotional when speaking to or about his father so I was pleasantly surprised. It looked like old wounds really could heal.

“I’m honored that you want me around for that, son, really.” Leland nodded. He seemed a bit choked up.

“The reason your dad’s asking is because him and your aunt and uncle want to merge their companies and base themselves out of Denver. A&E is even talking about doing a new show...without your grandparents.” Jamie explained so Leland could have a moment to collect himself.

“We’d like you to join us, Dakota...you’re a great hunter, kid.” Duane Lee added.

Again, I looked to Dakota to see his reaction.

He looked torn and I knew why. He loved bounty hunting - it was in his blood - but he loved me more. He thought that I would be upset if he didn’t spend his life helping me run the resort when, in reality, I didn’t care how he earned his paycheck so long as he was happy and came home to me at night.

“The pay would be better and if we’re trying for a family the extra money wouldn’t hurt,” I told him quietly.

“What are you saying, sweetie?” A smile slowly spread across his face.

“I’m saying that the Chapmans - at least those of us sitting in this room - stick together...and that’s what I think you should do it.” I told him firmly. “Running the resort is my dream...being a bounty hunter is yours. Go for it, baby.”

Right there, in front of a good portion of the Chapman family, he pulled me in for a passionate kiss.

CHAPTER INDEX

#Dog and Beth: On the Hunt #dakota chapman #dakota chapman fanfiction

[creeshtar]

Tagged by: @grapeflavoredsoul

Rules: Write 92 rules about yourself, then tag 25 people. (Or, ya know, however many people I actually know)

LAST ____: Drink: Coke Phone Call: Apparently my dad, a couple days ago. Text message: My stepmom, telling her I was going to die because she wasn’t bringing home any food. Song you listened to: Hand Clap, by Fitz and the Tantrums Time you cried: Tbh I don’t remember. I’m sure it wasn’t that long ago though. I definitely teared up recently because I listened to the Hamilton soundtrack for the first time.

HAVE YOU EVER ____: Dated someone twice: Nope Been cheated on: Not that I know of Kissed someone and then regretted it: Nah Lost someone special: Well she didn’t die (that I know of) but a close friend of mine dropped off the face of the earth after high school. Been depressed: Uhm yeah most definitely Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes and it felt like death

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: Purple, green, and blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU _____: Made new friends: I don’t think so??? Fallen out of love: Nah Laughed until you cried: Probably, can’t remember when though Found out someone was talking about you: No, but I definitely had my unfounded suspicions (anxiety ftw) Met someone who changed you: I don’t think so? Found out who your true friends are: All of them??? Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Don’t think so

GENERAL: How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: Should be all of them. Can’t think of anyone I haven’t met in real life on my friends list Do you have any pets: Personally, I have 1 cat (Sully, a true troublemaker). I live in a house with another 3 cats and a dog, however. Do you want to change your name: Nah it’s good What did you do for your last birthday: Some close friends surprised me and took me to Medieval Times, it was fantastic What time did you wake up: Six in the morning (to feed the ungrateful children of the fur) What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping, thank goodness

Name something you cannot wait for: This weekend, I’ll finally see a friend for the first time since moving over a month ago. When was the last time you saw your mother: My biological mom... it’s been at least a year... As for my stepmom I can see her right now from where I’m sitting. What is something you wish you could change about your life: I wish social interaction wasn’t such a chore for me. What are you listening to right now: My stepmom is watching Once Upon a Time Have you ever talked to a person named tom: Probably? Don’t remember though. Something that is getting on your nerves:  Nothing, currently Most visited website: Definitely tumblr Elementary: I went to like four different elementary schools, I only remember the name of the last one (Degan) High school: Meadowdale College: Soon to be Green River! Hair color: Naturally brown, currently black Long or short hair: Short short Do you have a crush on someone: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) What do you like about yourself:  Uh I’m pretty resilient? Piercings: Ears and nose Blood type:  A positive Nickname: There’s Rolli (pronounced either “Raleigh” or “Rolly”), Rolly-Polly, or Star (depending on who you ask) Relationship status: please date me Single Zodiac sign: Sagittarius Pronouns: She/her, they/them Favorite TV show: Do they have to be aired on cable TV? That aside, I enjoy Miraculous Ladybug, Voltron, Stranger Things, and a few others. Tattoos: Two, one on my chest and one on my shoulder Right or left hand: Right

FIRST ____: Surgery: When I was really little, I jumped off a high place and bit a hole in my tongue, so I had to get that stitched up, that was fun. Piercing: Ears Best friend: My first best friend was a girl named Brianna, who I’m no longer in touch with. Of the friends that I’m still in touch with, that would be @summermon Sport: I never actually got to participate in any organized sports :( Vacation: I believe it was Disneyland, when I was a very tiny small. Pair of trainers: Why would I remember that??

RIGHT NOW ___: Eating: Haven’t eaten since lunch Drinking: Soda About to: Leave the living room so I don’t have to listen to my sister casually point out the fact that I’m unemployed. Listening to: My stepmom making dinner Waiting for: My life to come together Want: Some goddamn peace and quiet Get married: ??? Career: I would like to be some form of scientist eventually??

WHICH IS BETTER ____:  Hugs or kisses: Hugs Lips or eyes: Eyes Shorter or taller: No preference Older or younger: No preference Nice arms or nice stomach: No preference Sensitive or loud: Sensitive Hook up or relationship: Relationship Troublemaker or hesitant: I honestly don’t know?

HAVE YOU EVER ____: Kissed a stranger: Nah Drank hard liquor: Yeh Lost glasses/contact lenses: Most definitely Turned someone down: Yep Sex on first date: Most definitely NOT Broken someone’s heart: It’s possible? Had your own heart broken: Yeh Been arrested: Nah Cried when someone died: Yep Fallen for a friend: Yes (twice)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ____: Yourself: I do my best Miracles: Idk if hoping and believing in are the same Love at first sight: Nah Santa Claus: Not as a physical being, but just an idea Kiss on the first date: Nope Angels: Nah

OTHER ____: Current best friend’s name: Summer (it’s been over 10 years now, yeah??) Eye color: Brown Movie: Like my favorite movie?? That’s a tough choice... Almost any Disney movie is good in my book, as well as few other animated movies... Sucker Punch was great, and Hidden Figures, and Rogue One... There’s too many.

Tagging: @summermon, @kwamimusings, @thelastpilot, @lucieldinn, @howlingniight, @aspiritualstate, @screemcat, @eternalevecho... I am honestly sorry if I’ve forgotten anyone but lemme know if you wanna do this and I’ll tag you.

#long post #this was neat

[breakingjen]

.

#that dog video i just reblogged? #made me think of my dad and stepmom’s (and mine) dog #my sweet baby tyra #it’s now been 4 months since she died #and it kinda hit me i’m never gonna see her goofy face again #and my heart fucking hurts

[willpowers]

hey so like for my eng class i wrote shit word vomit about being trans so if anyone wants to give it a read i think i did a good job maybe itll be fun to read idk

“Congratulations, Kaylee! You’re going to be a big sister!” My Mamaw told me, as I sat nervously, waiting for the drive over to the hospital to see my dad and Laura, my stepmom. My tiny tongue fiddled with the gaps in my teeth, and the word “sister” echoed in my mind. It didn’t fit. Everyone around me said that it would be weird getting used to being a sister but I guess I just needed more time to adjust.

"What if... I'm not a big sister?" I asked quietly, gazing upon the multiple antique crosses that littered the walls. The small eyes of the crucified Christs piercing down on me, almost giving me a pitiful gaze. My Mamaw chuckled softly.

"It's ok, you were an only child for seven years, you're just nervous. But every life is God's gift to us. Just you wait, once you hold his hand you'll never stop loving him." She told me, as certain as she could be. I wasn't so sure that was the problem. I begged for younger siblings, so that didn't feel like where my anxiety was coming from. I looked back to the solemn look of Jesus up on the wall, but he was just a statue, and I just a seven-year-old girl.

Later in the night, I was rushed in to meet him. "Vincent," I said softly, looking at him, his eyes still closed, his small hands still clenched. "Hello... I'm your big sister." I told him, tears welling in my eyes. My crisis had faded, and I knew from that day on I would love him until the day I died.

---

It had been a day and a half without a wink of sleep, my mind going on endless feedback loops of static and incomprehensible gender craziness. I sat in front of my therapist, a nonbinary person who no doubt would understand me.

“I just wish I was a boy sometimes.” I finished my word vomit with, my unwashed hair clutched in the white knuckles of my hands. "Everything would be easier. I wouldn't have to like... Lie. You know? I could just... Be a boy. It'd be so easy. God. I'm just... I'm trans, aren't I?"

"You look like you figured that out yourself, didn't you?" They told me, chuckling softly. I groaned. I didn't need this now, I had honestly just wanted to vent and go about my day, but here I was, my worst fear open for the world to see. For the last twenty years, I had been playing make-believe, playing the princess up in my ivory tower, ignoring the horse at the bottom waiting for the prince needed to go save the kingdom. The princess had it easy. Smile, brush her hair, wait to be rescued. It was finally time to stop pretending. There was no prince. There was only me. A prince in a dress, lying to everyone to maintain the illusion of normalcy, to convince everyone that I was something I wasn't, to make everyone happy.

After that appointment, one thing was for certain, I knew that whatever road I took from now on would be mine and mine alone.

---

It was a hot day, one that bore the need of my loosest of white t-shirts. A men's 3XL on my 11-year-old frame. With the right belt, it could have made a medieval tunic. However, paired with my equally large orange basketball shorts and shaggy short blonde hair, I just looked frumpy, my body was hidden from the world.

Just how I liked it.

Besides, I was just going to the drug store with my mom. Picking up some prescriptions, maybe getting some toiletries. I had picked out a new deodorant for the week. Some kind of teen spirit scent or something. As long as it covered up the smell of being pubescent I don't care if it would have made me smell like a hot dog. That would have been a good idea. Why didn't they make hot dog scented deodorant instead of 'ocean breeze' or that kind of stuff?

"Here you go sir, have a nice day!" The cashier said, handing me the bag.

"Thank you-" I started, before my eyes went wide. My mother laughed a bit and pulled me out of the store, stunned and my previously ridiculous thoughts about hot dogs stopped by the words of the cashier who I would wind up remembering for the rest of my life.

"Oh Kaylee, that was funny. We need to put you in some better clothes, let's go get you some makeup, I think you're old enough for some!" My mom chuckled, leading me to the car, where I sat down and just kinda nodded, looking at my lap.

'Sir?'

---

"Ow! Ow ow!"

"Oh shut up Lev, that was just the cleaning cloth!" Haley, my best friend, and roommate snapped, while I laid face down on the bed. I had just gotten my prescription filled for my first vial of testosterone. I had all my needles, the alcohol wipes, the sharps container, I had it all. All I needed... Was the shot.

Once that .05 mg of liquid was in my muscular system, there was no turning back. I'd be officially transitioning. Within days even, my voice would lower, my menstruation would stop, and I would even grow a beard! Well, maybe not a beard like, immediately, but it will come eventually!

"Okay okay... I'm ready." I said, taking a deep breath. Needles never scared me before, but due to the thickness of the fluid, it had to be a big needle. Haley cocked an eyebrow at me, but proceeded to poke it in, and give me the shot. I yelped. The people online were right, it WAS way different from a flu shot.

"You feel manly yet?" She asked, sitting next to me on the bed. I chuckled and nodded.

"Of course, feeling the chest hair coming in as we speak. Voice deeper each minute." I flexed a bit.

"Sick, bro." Haley laughed. "Let's go get Chipotle."

---

We were driving down the old Dayton road, and I watched out the window.

"You know, The Pine Club over there is where we picked out your name." My mom said, smiling as she drove.

"Yeah, you told me it was because of your middle names, right?" I replied, turning my attention to her.

"Bingo, we couldn't agree on a girl name, so while we were at dinner, we got a brilliant idea. My middle name is Kay, and your dad's middle name is Lee. So we put them together! Thought we made a whole new name."

That part always got a laugh out of me. "You didn't expect it to be popular enough for me to get every roadside trinket with my name, huh?"

"We didn't. We thought we were unique. At least be glad you were born a girl. If you were a boy, your dad wanted to name you this ugly name, Levin."

My mom got quiet after that, but the name rolled around in my mind. I let the name fall off my tongue once, trying to see how it felt.

"Levin..."

---

"Levin."

"My name is Levin. It's been five years since I started my transition. I know you said it would take a bit of getting used to, but you haven't used my pronouns or name more than once since I came out. I feel... I feel like you could be doing a bit better." I sigh, the weight of having to reprimand my mother weighing heavy on my shoulders.

"I know..." She weakly retorts, the fire inside her still lit after all the years. "It's just... You've always been my little girl. My Kaylee."

"I'm still your child! Don't treat it as if you've lost me!" I say, anger rising in my voice. "I'm here, I'm just going by a different name and pronouns! I'm myself. I'm me. Why can't you just accept that? Dad has, my brothers have, your sister has, everyone seems to have except for you. It's time... I just want you to start. I'm not asking for immediate change. I'm just asking... For a step. Please."

My voice is shaking. Dammit. I wasn't expecting to get choked up.

"Ok... I'm sorry." I hear my mother say, softly. I wish I could run to her and say everything is as it was. I can go back to my tower and be her princess once more. She can braid my hair, put me in dresses, and I can live in her safe little world. That I won't be out there in battles defending my kingdom, full of those that want to harm me.

"...Thank you. I love you." I say, and she says it back. I know it shouldn't be my job to care for these adults. One day, they'll all smile and cheer on my name. However, today, I am just happy with how far I've come.

#tw: deadnaming #tw: needles #tw: dysphoria #tw: transphobia #trans #pride 2021 #lgbt #trans man #trans rights #elder trans #thought piece #writing #essay