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crispycrimebrulee · 3 years

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🎄25 Days of HXH: Day 11: Hisoka x Festive🎄

You would think, knowing Hisoka all this time, looking through his closet, inspecting his day-to-day outfit, studying his personality and all its nuances, that you would have figured out what types of things he likes to wear. In his closet was nothing but designer heels and crop tops, mixed in with fancy turtlenecks and couture brands and cuts and patterns, equal to that of a VOGUE Model’s closet. Bright colors, expensive fabric, you’d think the answer would jump out at you, but no. Here you were, sitting around, unsure of what to get him. Hisoka always made sure to look the part of the season too, at least once during all the festivities. Although those outfits were rare, he made sure they had their debut, retiring them for a year before pulling them out again. Winter Wonderland by Eurythmics

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Getting up, you walked over to his section in your closet and ran your fingers over his clothes, admiring the expensive fabrics as they passed between your fingertips. You couldn’t get him something overly expensive, seeing as that would make your bank account cry. Besides, picking out an item from a couture brand was never a good idea in terms of Hisoka, his tastes were peculiar but particular, being very picky about the pieces he owns. Moving your hand over to his jester get ups, you could see the small patching and different stitchings in them, suggesting the tears and rips had been sewn up by him or a tailor, but covered up nonetheless. It was almost unnoticeable if you weren’t close enough, but the outfits were somewhat tattered and well worn. Few things he had a love for, but his outfits were clearly one of them. You flipped through them, a sense of confusion slowly crawling into your mind. He had one in black and gold for New Years, one with hearts on it for Valentines Day, and every holiday up until Halloween, but the festive outfits stopped there. He had no Christmas outfit. The gaudiest possible outfit he could probably put together, and he didn’t have one at all. You’d been with him for quite some time, at least two Christmas’ together, but the most he’s ever had in terms of outfit was a Christmas hat, or the star and teardrop he adorned would be red and green.

Pulling one of his outfits from the closet, you set it on the bed before you, taking note of the fraying threads and patterns, thinking of perhaps fixing his outfits for him. Fixing them would be a gesture in itself, but not necessarily a gift. It was more like a thought of courtesy, or a simple act of love you could’ve done any other day of the year. You also knew getting him a gift from his favorite brands would also be a bit of moot point.

On thoughts of earlier, it’s much easier to get a gift shrouded in a show of money, or shrouded in the capability to spend said money than find an appropriate gift that is an act of heart and thoughtfulness, because you realize the person you’re trying to gift has so many qualities and wonders that you’re trying to convey with the gift, that again, buying something generic, or something they asked for, or even a gift card was easier to produce. On another note, it’s quite difficult to impress Hisoka, furthermore difficult still to catch his attention with something. He’d said so himself in terms of your relationship; he was impressed by everything you are, and he’d admitted to you that you had most of his attention, being absolutely captivated by you. What could you give him that would captivate him, have all of his attention yet be a direct gift of heart, a gift full of meaning, conveying all that he meant to you.

Running your fingers over the fabric inattentively as you let the gears turn, trying to figure out what would be suitable, you nearly jumped out of your skin to feel Hisoka’s breath tickle your ear. He always did have a knack for sneaking up on you when he wanted to.

“Somebody's brooding, I’d love to know what about~” Hisoka implored, using a lovely manicured nail to turn your face towards his own, his eyes boring into yours.

You pouted, seeing as you almost hurt yourself from being startled. You huffed in response to him, which earned you a giggle from the jester.

“Seems like I scared sweet y/n, eh?” commenting on your pout as he ran his fingers over your lips, his stare passing between them and your eyes.

Rolling your eyes you pulled away from him and picked up his outfit, making your way to put it back to the closet, but not before he pulled you back gently, quietly clicking his tongue.

“I don’t even get a hello, y/n?,” he began, poking your cheek and then poking your nose, “you clearly missed me, seeing as you’re fiddling with my clothes, dear~”

You scrunch your nose, and swat at his hands.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t” choosing to indulge his ego just a bit with your response.

Clearly it had as he pressed you closer to him, allowing his lips to hover over yours, making your chest tingle with anticipation, unable to deny that his kisses always held some sort of power over you. You grew antsy with him being this close to you, getting quickly fed up with his teasing. He took note of this, chuckling and closing the gap, allowing you to taste strawberry chapstick and bubblegum, soft and sweet, contrary to the actual person in question.

He pulled away, humming at your pleased expression, poking your nose again as he let you go.

“I suppose you’ll tell me what you were brooding about now?” he queried again, cocking his head slightly as he watched you put his outfit away.

“No”, you answered, walking back to him and briefly peeking at banding on the clothing on his waist before passing him, “I won’t. It’s a secret.”

“A secret? Oh dear y/n secrets are hard to keep from me!” gushed Hisoka, clearly excited at the revelation of a secret.

In truth, it was indeed difficult to keep secrets from him, intentional or not. He always had a way of knowing things and finding out secrets. You knew he was going to do everything in his power to figure out what this secret was, and you knew your plan was now that much harder.

“Try not to get your nose too deep in my business, Hisoka” you muttered, moving towards him to check him for injuries, something that’d become customary in the relationship. Stopping at some blood on the back of his shirt you looked at him, ready to start patching him up.

“There’s blood on your shirt…” tugging at his shirt as you spoke, worry filling your voice.

“Not mine, dollface~” beaming at you in response.

Of course it wasn’t.

Later the next day on your way home for work, you stopped at a fabric store and wandered the aisles, looking for the brightest red fabric available. You’d already taken the measurements from Hisoka’s clothes in the morning when you’d left for work, writing them down, careful to keep them hidden just in case he was lurking around. Picking out a red fabric, you moved and picked out a white one, and then white feather strip with bits of sparkly tinsel in them, planning on making a classic outfit. As a last minute decision, you picked up a red and white ribbon, remembering the banding around Hisoka’s waist. You had an only sewing machine at home, and you were prepared to sit down and watch a lot of tutorials so you could make your gift perfect.

Eventually arriving home, you were relieved to find Hisoka out of the house, knowing he wouldn’t be back until late. You got to work, following countless youtube instructions and tutorials, nicking your fingers ever so often with sewing in the minute details of your handiwork. Bits of feathers and tinsel would fall around you, as well as bits of red and white fabric in small strips, leaving the area around you look like an arts and crafts nightmare. You’d spent hours, but you finished, of course with some loose ends to cut and bits of this and that to sew in and overall perfect your work. It was one of Hisoka’s classic outfits but in a much more festive fashion. A red base fabric with white hearts and feather strip hem, tailored pants that tighten at the ankle to match, and a homemade Christmas hat to top it off. For under the shirt, his classic banding was red and white ribbons, adding a gentle sheen to the matte fabrics. Your hands were sore, and your thoughts sluggish. It was well into the night, and you had yet to clean up the mess you’d made.

Although it took some time, you’d made the living room spotless, you showered, tucked Hisoka’s new outfit away in a box and tucked it under the bed and crawled under the covers and dozed off almost immediately, content with the gift you’d created.

Rummaging around with the occasional thud was what woke you slightly, not enough to promptly spring into action, but enough for your drowsiness to be mixed with weariness. Propping up on an elbow, you squinted into the dark only to be met by the telltale silhouette of Hisoka approaching you and you let yourself flop back down on the bed as he crawled in next to you, pressing kisses into your shoulders, quietly talking your ear off, seemingly also drowsy.

Once again awoken by slight morning noises you groaned and rolled over, trying to see just what Hisoka was up to this time. Although your vision was clouded by sleep, your heart sank, rose and began beating out of your chest all at once upon realizing what you were looking at. Hisoka had the box you’d hidden, open on the bed staring in pure shock at the gift you’d prepared, an expression you rarely got to see.

“Hisoka...nooooo….” groaning as you sat up and crawled towards him, reaching for the box.

He moved his hands and the box away from your grasp, causing you to whimper.

“Y/n...do tell me, what’s this?” glancing at you as he whispered, clearly in awe.

“It was supposed...to be a surprise,” you started, your heart sinking again, feeling absolutely defeated, “it wasn’t finished yet…”

Hisoka seemed to connect the dots in that moment, remembering you in his clothes and talking of secrets and he gasped as he pulled it completely out of the box. You curled up as he inspected it, quietly giggling as he held the matching hat, trying it on, finding it to be a snug fit. He was clearly in a state of pure genuine joy, a most precious smile on his face as he played with the ball on the end of the hat and squeezing the fuzzy fabric.

“It wasn’t good yet…” you whimpered, upset that he’d found out early, and he stopped, looking at you as he took note of your voice.

“Oh hush y/n..,” his voice full of veneration, “this is perfect, love..”

You glanced up at him, and you could tell he meant it, that look of astonishment, he was fully impressed, his attention was well caught.

“I still have to fix some of the stitching…”

“When? I’d love to wear this soon!” he exclaimed, turning the shirt this way and that.

“Well-”

“OH y/n you shouldn’t have” Hisoka gasped, picking up the shiny ribbon bandage you pieced together, running it through his fingers, his eyes ablaze as he inspected it.

“Well I could fix it now, I suppose,” you sighed, getting up and getting the sewing kit you put together. Coming back, you sat down and essentially put the final touches on the outfit, cutting the frays and rough bits of extra fabric, and watched him try on the outfit, seeing Hisoka grinning from ear to ear, looking festive as ever. It was gaudy, in a sense, but perfect for him in his own way. You could only sigh happily, seeing him this way.

Hisoka materialized in front of you, catching you off guard and making you yelp as he planted kisses across your face, taking you out of your disgruntled mood, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I’ll have to ask you for clothes more often, y/n,” he said in the middle of pressing kisses into your neck, “this fits wonderfully~”

You nodded as you let Hisoka drown you in early morning affection. In a cheesy sense, you could say Christmas came early for Hisoka, but one should leave cheesy endings for another day.

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our-kendrick · 4 years

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Anna Kendrick on 'Love Life,' Past Loves and How Richard Curtis Influenced the Series (Exclusive)

Read here, or below.

When it comes to watching Anna Kendrick’s new, charming series, Love Life, there’s no escaping one’s own memories of past relationships -- and that’s precisely the point. “I’ve been so happy that so many people have said that [watching it gives you] that uncanny, creepy feeling of when somebody captures exactly how it feels when you have your first love and your first breakup,” she tells ET’s Matt Cohen about the HBO Max original, which draws from a mix of popular romantic comedy films and personal experiences to chronicle a person’s entire romantic life.

“Like, talking to so many people, different genders and ages, and they’re all just like, ‘Oh my god, this show. I know that guy and I know that girl or I was that guy or I definitely was that girl,’” Kendrick continues. “It’s exciting when you know something actually resonates with people that hard.”

In the first season of the anthology series created by Sam Boyd, audiences follow Darby (Kendrick) throughout her twenties as she navigates living and loving in New York City. And over the course of 10 episodes, she meets the various loves of her life until she lands on the one. Along the way, there are plenty of meet-cutes, awkward encounters, heartfelt moments and unexpected tears that come with any relationship.

Rom-com fans will undoubtedly pick up on the influences from the ‘90s and early ‘00s, like You’ve Got Mail or Two Weeks Notice. But no one had a bigger influence on the series than screenwriter Richard Curtis, who’s responsible for About Time, Bridget Jones's Diary, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Love Actually and Notting Hill. “Sam and I have talked a lot about Richard Curtis and just the way he lets the really romantic parts feel heightened because sometimes -- not all the time -- life is pretty romantic and those moments feel huge and big,” she says. “We really wanted to let those moments be big the way that they feel in a Richard Curtis film but then the rest of it is a little natural and a little nuance and there’s dishes in the sink and that’s a part of life. Not everything is pristine and so he was definitely touched on for us.”

Grounding all those ups and downs are Kendrick’s own experiences, making each moment feel real and relatable. “There was a point when we were pitching the show that I was getting really nervous because I was worried I was going to get some concerned, angry text messages from some exes,” Kendrick says.

“I’ve been dumped once before and I managed to take it on the chin,” the 34-year-old actress recalls. “And then there was a breakup when I was 20 that was just pathetic. I just sobbed and rambled. It was just so bad. And the worst part is that of course you know you’re upset with the person who’s dumping you but you’ll be upset with yourself for so much longer that you don’t maintain a little bit of dignity.”

However, before any of her exes start combing through the series, she says that the characters and events onscreen are reimagined versions of her life, combined with the writers’ experiences. “It all felt remixed enough that I have plausible deniability, like, ‘That scene isn’t about you. I mean, it might be but I’m going to say that it's not,’” she says.

As for some of the actors -- Gus Halper, Jin Ha, John Gallager Jr. and Scoot McNairy -- who bring some of those men to life, Kendrick says she had a small part casting them as executive producer of the series. But she also had to make sure it wasn’t influenced by her own wish fulfillment.

“I was a little bit worried about just going down a list of people I wanted to make out with. I sent Sam Boyd a list early on and then I was like, ‘You know what? I think all of these people are talented and everything but I’m gonna just put a little asterisk next to the people that maybe my judgment might be cloudy,’” she recalls, adding that it was ultimately about finding the perfect person for the role.

“I had a hand in certain casting choices only when I felt really passionately about who was actually right for the role -- and I was making sure that my 14-year-old, Dear Diary self wasn't taking the wheel.”

The first three episodes of Love Life are now streaming on HBO Max.

#anna kendrick #entertainment tonight #interview #love life #2020

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foresthearth · 4 years

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Review: “Witch”, by Lisa Lister

Coming in three years after publication, ‘cause that’s how I roll.

Okay, I have to mention, I HATE these matte covers that pick up fingerprints like you wouldn’t believe. Ugh. Why do this to me and my greasy little hands?!

Moving on.

TL;DR: If you are a cisgender, AFAB woman with a fully functioning reproductive system, who finds this fact to be intrinsic to your parsing of femininity and spirituality, this book will probs be great for you.

Everyone else? This book is bad. Yes, there is some nuance to this and the WHY of its badness (and all reviews are subject to reviewer bias), but overall, in summation? It’s bad.

To start off, the kinda dubious but overall not so bad: it doesn’t really tell you anything. It bills itself as sort of a cultural studies text crossed with an intro to witchcraft; however, for me, it fails at both. As a textbook, it does not cite sources, though there is a “Bookshelf” section at the end – the text itself, however, really just serves as a place for Lister to talk about her perceptions of the female and feminine power throughout history. Which in and of itself is FINE, but don’t say you’re going to explain “the history behind witchcraft” (literally in the back cover blurb) and not actually back that history up with sources. You can talk all you want about persecution of women, but when putting it in a specific context such as the age of witch trials, or referring to societies that used to venerate women before the patriarchy took hold, it really helps to have some primary or secondary source to back up what you’re saying. You may think that we’re all drawing from a common knowledge, but not everyone has access to that knowledge pool, nor has the same background and learning. Just back up what you’re saying, or even just reference further reading that people can do if they want to learn more about what you’re pulling from. (I compare this to one of my books on Queer Magic – it also doesn’t have a bibliography, but that is due to the fact that it IS primary source material, essays from queer folks on *their magic*. Witch is not trying to be a primary source, therefore Lister should really acknowledge where she’s found her information.)

Now, the intro to witchcraft bit. Personally, none of the spells resonated with me – except for the Ostara honeycakes recipe because they are delicious – but that has more to do with how I practise magic. Lister’s practise and mine are very different, and her formalised spells/rituals do absolutely nothing for me. BUT if you are new to witchcraft, and looking for step-by-step guidance for certain issues, or rituals for a sabbat, these could be helpful, or at least give a jumping off point. However, it’s useful to keep in mind that this is not following any specific path within witchcraft – so if you are starting out and want to learn something formalised, this isn’t the book for it. Which is why I say it fails as being an intro to witchcraft: it’s showing you a few spells with no background into the wherefore, no reasoning as to what gives these things the power for this spell. And I feel like that’s because Lister isn’t trying for a tradition-based book, in that she herself works intuitively. So the spellcraft doesn’t really work for me, and I feel like it doesn’t give a firm enough foundation to be considered an introductory book. That being said, it does give just enough information to pique curiosity, so that you may have an idea of where to start further research.

There is one aspect of Witch that I do find pretty good, which is the constant reiteration of finding your own power and believing yourself and trusting your intuition. This is what I think is the strong point of the book overall – Lister says it’s to help women “reclaim the word ‘witch’”, but witchcraft aside, I definitely feel it’s got some good points about not letting yourself be silenced, and moving into trusting yourself and your ways of knowing.

BUT.

There is a MAJOR issue that I have with this book, and that is the transphobia and gender essentialism. And this is what, for me, makes it a bad book.

Let me quote a bit for you, from right near the beginning:

“Yet, as I was pulling my pages and pages of handwritten notes… I felt an overwhelming need to apologize for writing a book specifically about women as witches… I’ll piss off the transgender community for not addressing them… That thought? That need to apologize? That’s the very reason why I HAVE to write this book. What I share is NOT intended to exclude others. But trying to be all-inclusive would totally miss the point.” (Witch, pp. xvii-xviii)

Sigh. If you’re going into something with the feeling that you’re being exclusive and need to apologize, maybe that’s a sign to take a step back and look at who you’re excluding and why. If, to you, “the essence of a witch is someone who trusts their inner authority and uses their own personal magic to navigate and negotiate the environment they currently find themselves in” (ibid. p. xix), then why the need to specifically mention that witches power comes from their womb? Why keep bringing it back to “pussy power” and tying everything back to menstrual cycles? Why? And maybe – MAYBE – if there had only been this passing reference in the intro, it could be overlooked. But the references to pussy power, to wombs, tying power to biology, is constant throughout the book:

“Blessed be my womb for being the holy grail, cauldron and keeper of the mysteries.” (p. xxii)

“One sister is chanting the various names given to the Mother God: ‘Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Innana’ over and over, from deep down in her womb. (p. xxiii)

“There were no fanfares, marching bands or big applause: just pussy-deep truth.” (p. 3)

“You can only find your power when you plug yourself back into the motherboard. When your feet touch Mumma Earth, and your womb and heart connect with her.” (p. 16)

“Generations of women have been disconnected from the power that lies between their thighs – their lady landscape, their womb and their menstrual cycle. They’ve lost connection with their ability to create life (and everything else) in their wombs, which means their minds can be easily manipulated and indoctrinated by Patriarchy.” (p. 75)

I could go on, but believe me when I say this is pervasive throughout the entire book.

You can’t have it both ways. You cannot give an inclusive definition of what you think a witch is, and then go on to say ‘oh, but you’re only a witch if you have this biological aspect’ and venerate that biological aspect in an exclusionary way. This book is either only for AFAB, cis women with fully working parts, or it’s for everyone.

I am a queer, cisgender woman with pretty severe endocrine issues which have basically fucked my reproductive system. The amount of time that Lister spends in this book, talking about how our feminine power comes from this same reproductive system is absolutely distasteful, as well as being reductive and exclusionary. I’ve spent enough of my life feeling useless and not enough, due to my physical issues, that I really don’t need a book about reclaiming my feminine power to ALSO say that my feminine power is rooted in a fundamentally broken part of my body. Yes, the menstrual cycle/organs are powerful and have strong magic, but they are NOT what makes someone a woman. To say that it is not only excludes those who either don’t have or have ill-functioning systems, as well as reducing women to nothing more than their reproductive systems… And isn’t that what Lister’s trying to get away from, what with reclaiming feminine power and blasting the patriarchy?

And if I feel this way? I cannot even imagine what my trans family would feel like, expecting a book on witchcraft and the feminine, only to be told mid-text, that they’re not valid or wanted.

I’m not saying that you can’t write a book about the power inherent in the reproductive systems. But just be sure to make it very clear that that’s what you’re doing. Don’t play coy and hide your TERF views in the text, put them on the cover so we don’t pay money for exclusionary bullshit.

And for further reading:

https://www.oxfordreference.com/view/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803095846595

https://medium.com/@pennyred/terf-wars-why-transphobia-has-no-place-in-feminism-60d3156ad06e

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/pantheon/2011/03/transgender-issues-in-pagan-religions/

https://godsandradicals.org/2016/02/10/its-all-about-sex-feminism-paganism-and-trans-exclusion/

https://www.hercampus.com/school/york-u/women-wicca-transphobia-and-other-issues

#witch #witchblr #book review #cw: transphobia #cw: gender essentialism

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okimargarvez · 4 years

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SOMEONE TO PUSH ME

Original title: Someone to push me.

Prompt: Luke wants to make his best friend happy again.

Warning: post 13x7.

Genre: funny, friendly, family, romantic, a bit sad.

Characters: Luke Alvez, Phil Brooks, Matt Simmons, Penelope Garcia, Roxy, Lou, BAU team.

Pairing: Garvez; PhilxPenelope.

Note: oneshot 57 in Garvez collection.

Legend: 💏😘🔦🐶🎵.

Song mentioned: L’alfabeto degli amanti, Michele Zarillo feat Tiziano Ferro.

GARVEZ STORIES

SOMEONE TO PUSH ME

* The greatest mistake that man can ever do, is to look far for the things he has inside him

Since Morgan is no longer part of the team, it rarely happens that once the unknown subject is taken, my phone rings again. Even for this reason I don't answer immediately, but I let the sound fill the room while I look without words at the name on the display. Alvez. What will he want from me? I force myself to pick up his call.

-…hello?- but I can't and maybe I don't even want to completely hide my amazement. On the other side of the line follows a brief silence.

-What, no one of your twisty jokes for me?- I hear him ask, as a spiritual protest. Even if I don't want to, he get a grimace out for me, that fortunately he can't see.

-Uh...- I sigh. -I...- I cut off a possible explanation that he is not required to know. -What do you need?- then suddenly the most catastrophic images passing in front of my myopic eyes. -Why did you call?- I ask with my heart in my throat, remembering the anguish of a few months ago, when I heard the crash of their SUVs in direct connection, without being able to do anything. -Something happened to...- he must have guessed it, because he says the right thing or at least one of the best.

-Breathe, Garcia, breathe.- he says in a quiet tone of voice that has the power to calm me instantly. -Nothing happened. Not yet.- he adds, however, after a pause, raising my doubts and confusing me even more. I can't focus on work, so I take my fingers off the keyboard and concentrate only on our conversation.

-What... could you be a little less mysterious?- I ask and while I'm waiting for him to answer, I imagine what he's wearing now, almost certainly something dark, because almost all his wardrobe is made up of black dresses, gray garments, as well as shades of red (dark), blue (dark) and a few exceptions. It shouldn't matter to me, but by now I've realized that denying it is useless. I decided to be sincere, at least to myself.

-Sorry.- he finally says after what seems to me a century, certainly only a few seconds. -It's just, I was wondering...- he sounds uncertain, insecure. -Are you free tonight?- then he shots all of a sudden and it seems so much an appointment request, but I know it's not, it can't be. So, I answer with a joke, as he asked me earlier.

-...wait for that the landing of the jet could be considered as a appointment?- I hear him laughing heartily. Everyone laughs at my wacky sentences, but no one has ever shown himself as genuinely amused as Luke. I can see his mouth open in his unique way. Better to focus on something else, before saying some worse bullshit.

-Do you remember my partner, Phil?- sure, his best friend. He talked about it one day with Matt, at O'Keefe, and I was sitting next to the former IRT agent. -That...- he begins to explain, but I know that he has not yet overcome the trauma of Cullen's case, even if the latter is still detained for his previous crimes, no longer in a maximum-security prison, but in a psychiatric one. Because he never recovered his memory. I'm not a profiler, like them, but I know how to connect the dots, and even if at the time I was even more cold with him than today, I guessed enough.

-Yes, I understand.- I say then to avoid him to feel again that pain. I know from personal experience that it doesn't matter how much time has passed. You can never overcome some things.

-Here.- he says, and I interpret it as a thank you. -I...- he still hesitates, probably assuming that my answer will be negative -...I would like to surprise him, he... needs a push, a reason that motivates him to keep trying.- he finally spits out, along with a big sigh. I just can't stop myself.

-Oh, Luke, what a sweet thing!- I exclaim, in an exaggeratedly honeyed tone. The time that elapses before he replies something makes me guess that he is rather surprised and upset.

-Yes.- he says, chuckling, while I reflect that this is our first private phone call that doesn't involve a case or a job. I also understand that he needs a little push.

-What can I do for you?- I ask, initially in an indifferent tone. -Do you want to introduce me? Is he cute?- I get straight to the point, though I don't think at all that the reason he called me while they are still flying is to get me to meet Phil. Maybe I make him mainly to arouse a bit of jealousy, and in fact, in his laugh there is some different nuance that I don't recognize.

-No, I didn't mean this.- he replies, when he stops laughing. -I know you... you love all the animals, right?- I don't think I need to answer, so I remain silent. -And therefore, uh, would you like to accompany me to choose a dog for my friend?- I can't talk. My mind, diabolically, transports me back more than a year, to the day I met Roxy. At that moment, when he had spoken the word dog, my brain had done as now: it had stalled, repeating that word endlessly. Dog. Because, with a dog by his side, Agent Alvez, Luke, was definitely more interesting... and less annoying. -Penelope, are you there?- his voice comes far, but he still has the power to bring me back to the real world.

-Uh? Yes, sorry, but when I hear the word dog...- I stumble, trying to explain, but then I understand that I could only make things worse. I blush (once again blessing the fact that we are not in a video call) and try to be professional or normal. -I’m. I'm here.- sigh. Silence, still silence. This is not what happens when we are facing each other, although he is notoriously taciturn, certainly not a talker... he is always different with me. But it is only because he must necessarily play the game.

Just when I'm about to ask him if he's still there, he revives. -So, are you in?- he asks. I hear a noise that could be interpreted with Luke scratching his head. But it could also be just a few sounds in the background. He's on a jet, after all.

-Sure!- I answer, this time without taking time or adding unnecessary details. However, good intentions are destined to have a short life. -But please, tell me you will get the dog from a shelter, among those unjustly abandoned.- I bite my tongue, but it's too late. Not that I'm ashamed of it, but I could have waited and suggested it to him personally.

But Luke rewards me with another crystalline laugh. -Something tells me that you know this world better than me.- he also winks, or at least that is what his tone suggests. It even seems to me that there is some mischievous nuance, but it will be my mind that makes me believe what I would like.

In any case, I reply in the same way. -Oh, Alvez, you will also be the owner of a splendid canine specimen, but the lady here is an active and voluntary member of all the shelters for abandoned animals of the state of Virginia.- here, I had not really intention to give him all this information or to seem vain. I don't like it, usually I never talk about this kind of stuff... in fact nobody on the team knows it. No one besides Luke, now.

-I never doubted that.- he chuckles again. -So...- he tries to say but my voice overlaps his.

-What time will you arrive here?- I ask, putting my hand over my mouth. Always too late, Garcia. It is useless for you to cry over spilled milk. And to talk to yourself, even if only in your mind.

-The landing is scheduled in about an hour.- he promptly replies.

-Perfect.- I let run my tongue over my lips and realize that they are dry. The hands, on the other hand, are sweaty. Damn, I can't let him see me like this. -I have plenty of time to consult with my animalist friends to find out who could be the lucky one.- I explain. Still too many details. Do I really think he might be interested?

-Great.- a break, that noise again. -I’ll se you later, Garcia.- he doesn’t give me time to replay, he hangs up before I can open my mouth. Maybe he accidentally crushed the shutdown button, or they are in a place where even the FBI's super-sophisticated technology can serve.

-See you later.- I answer to the nothing.

It is certainly not the first time that I wait for the team with this fibrillation and agitation, but in the last half hour I have practically never been able to take my eyes off the clock display. Do my job, no way. Useless was the attempt of the rational part of me, which tried to convince the dreamer one that this was not a date, but only a favor done to a friend, to exaggerate. He has said it: I am a person who loves animals. That's why he chose me instead of Matt, Spencer or JJ, or Tara, or Emily or Rossi or... I can't take it anymore. I turn off the system, throw things in my purse in a disorderly fashion and type in the code (risking making a mistake). I walk nervously in front of the elevators, deceiving myself that they are about to appear, every time the doors open and are just any agents. Then, I feel like a tingling and I know it's them.

He is the last to go down. I greet others in a hurried way, a little too much, by my standards and certainly suspicious, especially judging by the way JJ looks at me. I'd like to be able to talk to her about this problem, but it would make it too real.

I head to Luke. -Finally, here you are.- without realizing it, I grab him by the arm and drag him towards his desk (in a glimmer of lucidity I must have thought he could have to take and leave something). He doesn't even try to protest or slip from my grip.

-Sorry, there was a little turbulence.- he only says and, again, I feel those strange nuances, while his lips bend into a crooked smile. That smile that can knock me out, if I let it do.

I keep yanking him, until I reach the goal, regardless of the others. -Hurry up, you have to see something.- he puts some papers down and sets them up in the drawer, so he nods that we can go. We walk side by side, closest (not as much as I would like) again in the direction of the elevators. More steps behind us.

-Hey, good night, Luke!- Matt voluntarily talks only to Luke, and it makes me laugh that they might think there's something more behind. A laugh not without a sad aftertaste. I wish it was like that.

Even Rossi gets to give him help. -Behave, you two, that tomorrow is a school day.- he warns both, going up next to Simmons on the second lift, leaving the other only for us. He joins me, shaking his head.

-But did you hear them?- he asks. But I am completely focused on not thinking about how close I am to him, his shoulder brushes mine and this every time we end up taking the elevator alone, while it hardly happens with the rest of the team, even with the girls. It is as if our bodies want, they must to be attacked. No, wait, Garcia: maybe your body has that desire, his's just an innocent victim.

-Yes, yes, it's not important.- I take out my cell phone and show him the screen. -Look. Look at this post.- there is a picture of a puppy of a Belgian shepherd breed, like Roxy, so small that he hasn't even opened his eyes. -Two months ago they found a pregnant dog, and...- I begin to explain, but I must have underestimated the thing or deluded myself that I was stronger -…and...- I stumble, while my eyes filling with tears.

I see wrinkles of worry appearing on his forehead. He has already seen me cry, but I don’t want to show him again this spectacle. It's too intimate, too personal... to share it with someone who, despite his words, will never cover that role. -Garcia, you feel good?- I nod, but my eyes are clouded.

I feel the phone is falling out. -Yes, yes, it's just...- he gently pulls it out from my fingers. I almost jump when his skin touches mine. I'm so ridiculous! -It's just...- I blink, freeing myself from the tears. It isn't a real crisis; I'm able to manage it. I congratulate myself.

-Is she dead?- he whispers sorrowfully, looking into my eyes.

I nod. I have to swallow twice. -She and two of the four puppies...- I spoke too soon. A sort of hiccup comes out that in reality is a sob, the signal that the storm is about to arrive. I feel my lips begin to tremble and I curse myself. But Luke doesn't seem to think so the same way.

-Oh, come on, come here.- he gently pushes me against his chest and hugs me. I rest my forehead on his shoulder, trying to wet him as little as possible. We both ignore the diiing of the bell that tells us that we have reached the last floor. His right-hand caresses my back softly and I could remain eternally in this instant.

We have already embraced each other, when Emily became head of the unit, but that was not a real hug. It was a quick and embarrassing squeeze. -Sorry, I...- I mumble, but I don't try to break away.

-There is no reason to apologize.- he replies in a calm and low tone, deep, like... like when he knows I'm in trouble. Even though he's the one who knew me less, he always knew how to understand when I felt bad. Making it all that much more difficult. - Do you think you can finish the story?- he asks, parting but pushing me towards the exit with a hand on my back, right where the scapula is.

-Yes.- I nod, take out a handkerchief and recompose myself. -Because of malnutrition only two little dogs have managed to overcome the critical phase.- I explain, again, trying to talk without hearing what I say, like when we have a really too macabo or splatter case for my taste. -One was adopted just yesterday, but this...- I point to the photo in the phone, which in the meantime has returned to me. -He is recovering, he has recently recovered the full motor capacity of his hind legs.- I smile, stopping in front of his car. -And then I thought that, since your friend is in a wheelchair...- I can't hold his gaze. -Maybe it was a bad idea.- I pull back.

But Luke shakes his head. -No, no, you're right, it's perfect.- he gives me a strong smile. -And he has a really sweet look.- he adds, looking at me, however, intensely, as if to suggest that it is my gaze, the sweet one. But again, it's just a figment of my imagination. Even if I think so, about his smile.

-Yes, I think the same.- I open the door and I get on board with difficulty, even though I always (always seems an extremely long and disproportionate time, it is less than two years, after all) dreamed that he did it, but in any case, I don't give him the time, to avoid recreating that embarrassment of that time that he had helped me get off the Bradenton sidewalk.

-So?- he asks, after a while we are on the road.

I turn to him and look at him as he drives. I look at the way he grips the steering wheel with one hand while tapping it with the other. I observe his concentration which I find, needless to say, extremely sexy. -So what?- I almost echo him.

Here comes that mischievous smile. -How did you call him?- I open my mouth to answer him in the same tone or pretend that I don't understand who we're talking about. Then I change my mind.

-What makes you think I already gave him a name?- he gives me a quick look, fast but sufficiently loaded with things. Things I'm afraid to analyze.

-Because I know you, now.- he answers and I don't deny. -I profiled you, did you forget it?- I imitate an ironic laugh.

Then Luke glances at me again and I give up. -I thought... Lou.- I'm tense more than when I was at school waiting to see the result of an exam or question on the board.

-I like it.- he says and I start breathing again. I seemed to notice something even now, but... enough, I have to concentrate on our mission. -Is it in my honor?- he has the courage to ask me. I roll my eyes, pretending to be annoyed.

-Oh, don't flatter yourself, Alvez.- here, the surname is the best thing, but he doesn't seem disappointed. In fact, even if it could be the diminutive of Louis, I could have chosen the name of the little dog based on an assonance...

Fortunately, about ten minutes later we arrive.

-Here we are, it's here.- I clap, excited, he chuckles as he turns. We go in, but I stop in front of any cage, unable to detach myself from all those sad little eyes that tonight will probably present me with the bill again.

A big hand lands on my shoulder. -Garcia, you can't look in this way at every animal that is here.- he makes rationally to note, but his hot breath hits some uncovered areas of my skin.

-I know.- I whine. -But how can you do it, how can you leave them here?- he makes me turn to him and nods.

-Better here than on the road.- he comments, pushing me forward.

-You are right.- I sigh, then I see a short woman, skinny and with short and dark hair. -Oh, here's my friend Victoria.- I hurry up and he walks next to me.

-Penelope!- she exclaims, quickly embracing me. -Is this the lucky future owner?- I see her green eyes flicker on Luke and something stings my stomach. I think they call it jealousy. She finds him attractive, who in their right mind would not think so? I also look towards the man, who smiles in a friendly way, but nothing more. Sigh of relief.

-No, it's his best friend. He's in a veteran's clinic, and... he has a similar story to Lou's.- Victoria opens her eyes wide when she hears me say the name, but she should have expected it.

-Lou? Well, it sounds good.- and so it is decided. -Are you sure it won't be a problem for the clinic?- she gives Luke a stern look. How many times have we cried together the death of a deceived animal of having finally found his family and "returned" to the kennel? It would be good if we understood once and for all that animals are living beings, sentient, not objects, plush. This is why Victoria asked this question with such seriousness.

-Yes, I've already talked to the director.- Luke replies though, and we both believe him.

Victoria nods. -Perfect, then, follow me.-

Once in the car again, with the puppy in my arms, I give the best of myself. -Oh my God, oh my God, but how cute he is!- I chirp with a certainly ridiculous tone. -Have you seen how cute he is?- I ask him a hundred times, even though he has already answered yes and cannot turn around to look at me well. -He's the sweetest creature in the universe.- Lou seems to like the compliment and licks my face, until he utters a shriek of pleasure.

Luke laughs, his favorite activity when we're together. -I think Roxy and Sergio wouldn't agree.- he comments, teasing me.

-But they are adults, this one instead, it's still a little puppy.- I rub my nose against his wet tip. -How are you, love?- I ask him then, whispering. -You have suffered so much, but your life will change today.- Luke puts the brake and based on the red light that is reflected in the lenses of my glasses, I suppose we are stop at a traffic light. -You will be so happy and you will give happiness.- I tell him, then I feel a male look on me. -What is it?- Luke raises his arms and then the green light comes out.

-Nothing.-

Outside the clinic where Phil lives, Luke repeats the instructions, holding me (perhaps unconsciously) by the arm. -So, did you understand everything? When I say "in that spirit", you come in with Lou.- he realizes I'm looking at him strangely. -What is it?- he asks, making me blush, but I hide behind the puppy.

-Nothing, it's...- is that hearing him say from his voice, from his mouth, it's... no. I nod, to convince him. -Yes, I understood everything.-

** Because the world has disappointed even you

While I'm doing weight lifting, to keep the whole body active and not even allow the arms to soften, someone touches me and giggles. I would recognize that voice everywhere. -Luke!- I exclaim, surprised. -Hey, dinner’s not till Friday, what are you doing here?- I place the weight on the ground and he sits right in front of me.

He has a serious look on his face. -I know you've been struggling with your recovery- he starts -…and I, uh, I think I know why.- well, he's not just a profiler, it's my best friend first of all. If he can't understand me, who else could? I sigh, but I let him continue. -After I got back from Iraq, I faced some struggles of my own.- yeah, it was really a good time. I remember the calls of his family, the hope that at least he was been in touch with me. I really believed that we would lose him. Luke fought that war hoping to get killed. We have never addressed this topic, but perhaps we should. He fought for the guilt he felt for not being the one in a wheelchair. -And if it hadn't been for Roxy I don't know where I'd be.- I can't stop myself and laugh before his face.

-You're obsessed with that dog, man. You need help.- Luke nods, chuckling back. But then he turns serious.

-I needed something to live for.- he says, and it's the biggest admission about his "black period" he has ever done. A heavy break follows. I nod. -Someone to push me.- and another one, but this time there is something strange in his eyes. He turns to the door. -So, in that spirit, ah... I...- he bends his lips in a strange way. -In that spirit...- he repeats then, stronger.

-Now? Yeah, ok.- whispers the voice of a woman who appears shortly after. She has a little dog in her arms. I don't know if Luke is laughing like me more for the whole scene or for his friend. Blonde, with glasses paired with a pink sweater and a dress with a bizarre weft. She smiles and her joy is contagious. Luke reaches out and strokes the dog.

-Now this puppy is gonna need a lot of love and... some walks.- I understand where he wants to go. I nod, still incredulous that he could have done such a thing for me. It doesn't matter that we've known each other for at least twenty years. Luke is not the type for big surprises. Luke is the guy who cares but doesn't know how to prove it. The woman leaps cradling the dog. -Better get busy getting better.- I signal that everything is clear and as she approaches, I allow myself to look at her better.

-Hi.- she says, and even her voice matches perfectly with the rest.

-Hi.- I echo her. In her eyes there is not even the slightest trace of pity, she doesn’t see me as a poor paralytic. I think she simply sees me as the future owner of the dog.

-This is... Lou!- she exclaims, excitedly, as she hands me the puppy. I lift him, to look at his nose, and it's really cute. Able to melt the heart of a tough former ranger soldier like me.

-Hi, Lou! Are you going to be my buddy?- here I started talking in a stupid voice, like people do with children. I owe Luke an apology. -You gonna be my little boy?- I do some scratches on his neck and he answers me by licking my face. I can't hold back the enthusiasm. But I'm not stunned to the point of not noticing that Luke is holding his supposed friend by her side. I don't think I've ever seen him so close to a woman who wasn't part of his family. -Lou’s going to be my buddy!- while Lou continues to kiss me, I seem to see him move his hand on her shoulder, but still keep her close. They both smile, she looking decidedly at the dog, he... we have something to talk about, in private, I guess. - Guys, I think so!- the woman reaches out to caress him on the head. I high five Luke, who leans over and hugs me. -Thank you, brother.- I feel him nodding on my shoulder. -Thank you, man.- I kiss Lou on the head. To avoid ending up whining, I go for one of my favorite activities from day one in the rangers: pricking Luke. -So, Luke, you haven't improved at all. Do not introduce me to your partner?- I wink, raising my eyebrows, but I notice a veil in my friend's eyes.

-She is...- he begins to speak, but the woman precedes him, reaching me, holding out her hand loaded with colored bracelets.

-My name is Penelope, even if everyone prefers to call me Garcia.- it is soft, delicate and fresh. -We work together...- she adds, glancing at Luke. But already from the name or surname, I should have understood. That's why it seemed to me I already knew her! Because someone had talked to me extensively about her, whenever I asked "How is the profiler job going?".

-Oh.- I say in fact, meeting the gaze of Luke, who tries to electrocute me and mimes with his lips a "don't try" that doesn't seem at all threatening. Even Penelope has noticed this exchange of looks. She looks at her colleague, then at me, at Luke again and finally at me.

-What?- she asks, scrutinizing us in turn. -Is there anything I should know?- in the end she decides to opt for me, considering that Luke will probably remain silent like a fish. Smart, the girl. But of course, she is the oracle of the BAU, an absolute genius, the one without whom it would not be possible to resolve any case. Of course, they are not my words.

I raise my hands. -It's not up to me to decide.- I look at Luke, who merely opens his eyes. They go back to focusing on Penelope. -And how did that scoundrel get you involved?- she laughs, appreciating my joke, which was pretty obvious and bad. She's so generous, you know, she helped one downstairs and asked nothing in return, I hear Luke's voice echoing in my ears.

-Because I love all animals.- she answers with a serious expression. -I'm also a vegetarian!- then she blushes, I notice that she throws a quick glance at Luke, spreads her arms and then leans over to caress Lou, still on my legs. -Sorry, I don't think you are interested, I'm usually to rambling when I'm nervous.- she explains, giving me a smile that affects all the right points. How could I blame Luke? I've only known her for ten minutes and already I find her fantastic. She has something different from the other women I met.

-It's okay.- I say, touching her arm and catching a fire look from my best friend. -I like to hear you talk.- I wink and she chuckles. -Tell me something more about yourself, are you dating...- I start talking, not even I know if I'm doing it to make Luke jealous (and consequently to make him react) or because I'm interested in knowing her for myself.

In any case, my best friend disagrees. -Phil, I think we should go, it's late and tomorrow is a working day.- he babbles, trying to sound convincing and looking at Penelope hoping she nods.

-But if we've been here for just five minutes and it's only nine o'clock.- she protests instead.

I touch her hand, this time looking only at her. -Forget it, he has to run to his girlfriend.- she opens her eyes wide, then I hasten to add a detail. -I mean the dog, don't look at me like that.- I turn to Luke, who shakes his head with a strange, crooked smile on his mouth.

-Yeah.- he nods when he recovers. -And Sergio is waiting for you too.- he says in an annoyed tone, unable to mask what he is feeling, despite being one of the best in undercover operations.

I decide to help him. -Sergio? It's...- Penelope anticipates him.

-My cat.- she says. -My old black cat with a gray mustache.- she glares at her colleague with a dirty look. He seems in trouble.

-I'd like to meet him one day.- I smile.

-I'd like it too.- she replies and we keep looking at each other until Luke breaks the atmosphere.

He brushes her on the shoulder. -Garcia, we have to go, really.- she looks away from me reluctantly and rolls her eyes.

-All right, all right.- she turns back to me. -So, I hope...- this time I'm the one to anticipate her.

-I hope to see you again soon.- I reach out and she understands, holding out my cheek. I place a quick kiss on her cheek and feel her scent invade my nostrils. Luke stands with his mouth open beside us. -I am always here. And also Lou.- I wink at her and she smiles, stroking the little dog once more.

The third-wheel clears its throat. -Phil, can we talk a second by ourselves?- he asks. The blonde understands the hint and moves away a few steps. She seems confused, and I understand why. Luke is acting like a child who doesn't want others to touch his favorite toy.

He doesn’t notice, because he is too focused on me, but Penelope looks at him strangely for a few moments and this, more than anything else, gives me the definitive proof that no matter how good it would be, I can’t not even flirt with her. -Okay, I'll wait in the parking lot.- she greets me with her hand, and perhaps turns to the dog, but Luke stops her, grabbing her by the wrist.

He opens her hand and puts something on her palm. -Take the keys, I don't want that happens something.- he says only, with his eyes almost out of their sockets, and certainly unaware of all this. She says nothing and disappears.

-So, brother, what do you have to tell me?- I go straight to the point.

Luke shakes his head and opens his mouth without saying anything. I just wait. -What you must tell me!- he finally exclaims. -How did you behave with my colleague?- I burst out laughing in his face. Between brothers is allowed.

-Listen to him.- I cover Lou ears. -My colleague.- I imitate his voice. -That's the woman you told me about.- I accuse him, grinning. -Everything is clear. And now I understand why you're so obsessed with her.- eyebrow movement.

He tries to deny. -I'm not obsessed.- he glances at the window. From where you can see the parking lot. But of course not, he's just a little fixated. -And in any case, you're not her type.- he adds, muttering. It is too funny. I've never seen Luke taken in this way. It never happened that we liked the same girl, though.

-Uh, no?- I bend my lips in a strange way, to tease him. -She didn't seem of the same mind and... let's hear, what would it be, her ideal man? Like you?- he blushes to the tip of the ears.

-I didn't... I didn't mean this.- he replies.

Okay, I've had enough. -Man, you have to wake up.- I signal to him to approach and then I give him a push. He looks at me as if I've betrayed him. -If you don't, I'll take care of it.- I threaten him. He opens his mouth again. I didn't know my best friend had turned into a fish.

-What ...?- I spread my arms and bend my head to one side.

-Well, she's nice, pretty and I'm not afraid of catching a pullback or a “no, thanks”.- I simply say. I see him suddenly become sad. I sigh. -I know that I will regret what I am about to tell you.- everything he feels is intuitable just from the eyes. Not everyone could interpret it correctly. -I already had a woman in mind that I wanted you to meet, she is my physiotherapist, her name is Lisa and...- he silences me with a voice that is almost shrill.

-Phil.- his gaze is serious.

-Okay, sorry.- Lou starts to whine, maybe he's sleepy. -I see that the situation is tragic.- the last zinger. -Luke, brother, even Penelope feels something for you, she cares about you, it's so obvious that only you can not notice it!- Luke seems almost frightened by this perspective, rather than happy.

-She... she loves the whole team.- he replies, as a justification.

I nod. -Yes, but with whom did she spend Wednesday night, after a case?- I point out to him. He opens his eyes. -Don't look at me like that, I don't spy on you, I just read the newspapers.- Luke says nothing for a moment.

Then, without looking at me: -She did it for Lou...- hearing his name, the dog (yes, he already understood that this is his name, I suspect that Penelope repeated it just a couple of times) tries to stand up.

-No, she didn't do it just for the dog.- he strokes his head and he licks my hand. -Now I have to take care of him, so I'll make this quick: take the opportunity or someone else will do it.- the last threat. I reach out a hand and he squeezes it. -Good night, Romeo!- I greet him.

-Good night.- he replies, but I could swear I heard him tremble.

-Oh, I forgot!- I have stopped him while he was already on the threshold. -If I find out that you didn't doing anything tonight, I'll talk about it with your abuela and we’ll see if she won't make move your ass!-

*** This is the time to live you, to the last part of me and not ask me where and why, you just have to trust me

When I reach my car, I dread finding it empty. I know it's absurd, but fears are irrational, they don't follow logic. I open the driver's door and see her sitting there. -Hey, it took you a century.- she jokes, but I can't really laugh this time. -What did you talk about, maybe about me?- she also seems to notice that there is something different in me. -I’m joking.- she adds then, with a sorry tone and it breaks my heart. -Luke, you're weird.- she comments. I haven't turned the key in the ignition yet.

I force myself to turn around and look into her eyes. -Me? No.- but it was a mistake. Then I start the engine and decide to look carefully at the road. But out of the corner of my eye I can still see her.

-Your friend is really a good person.- she comments, and I nod. -I understand right away this kind of thing.- she adds and I can't help but wonder if she has thought the same thing about me when we met. Theoretically not, for the way she treated me, but since it was only a facade... -I feel it.- she puts her hand on the edge of the seat, which grazes mine while I put another gear.

-Yes.- I only reply, as I can't do much else.

But Penelope doesn’t seem willing to stop talking. -It's also nice, as I imagined.- I have nothing to add to this. -I suppose he's single.- I sigh. Is it right that I try in vain not to let them go out together? It's a rhetorical question. I already know the answer.

-Yes.- I confirm, reluctantly, feeling like shit.

Even if only in passing, I recognize the appearance of a smile on her face. I wish it were for me. -And by chance... he asked for something of me?- surely I don't have to put myself in the middle, but I can't, no matter how hard I try, I can't really facilitate the birth of a relationship between them. Well, they maybe would understand that they are not compatible as more than just friends. Yes, of course. It only took a few minutes for Phil to fall victim to her unique charm. And she seemed pretty involved too. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to let her help me.

I breathe in and out three times before opening my mouth again. -Garcia, we could... we could change the subject?- I ask her, hoping not to look too desperate. -I don't want to talk about it.- she looks at me for a while and then nods.

-Ok.- so she is silent, she says nothing and nothing interesting to say comes to my mind. After about a quarter of an hour, stopping at a traffic jam caused by a minor accident, I turn to her, who has a melancholy look, her head turned towards the window.

-Hey, is everything okay?- I brushes her leg, more or less consciously. I think back to the embrace we exchanged, just a few hours ago. -I'm driving too abrupt?- but I know the solution isn't that simple.

As soon as she turns, shaking her head, she manages to catch my eyes. It's scary how much power she has over me. Fortunately, I don't think she is aware of it. -No, no.- she feels obliged to reassure me. I think back to Phil's words, to the threat of talking to my grandmother about it. I quickly judge how well he would be able to do it.

-You are taciturn.- I comment then. One step at a time. -It's not something you usually do.- she doesn't answer, but keeps looking at me. -Is for what I said before? If you really care...- she stops me, much more bravely than me, or maybe it costs her nothing to do it, putting her hand on mine. I swallow. I hope she doesn't notice the turmoil going on inside me.

-No, it's not about that.- she then clarifies and lets me go because finally it seems that we are starting to move again. But why am I so damn convinced that otherwise she wouldn't have come off?

-Oh.- I feel the need to scratch my head. -So... what are you thinking?- I hasten to reasses. -If I have the right to know.- Penelope didn't take the opportunity to pull back. Which is bizarre, because in her place I would certainly have done it.

-I was thinking about...- she hesitates. -You know, while I was out the door, I heard you... I heard you say that thing to Phil and...- well, if I hadn't lived really extreme situations, now I would feel the need to vomit. -I'm sorry, I know my words don't count, but I'm sorry that you and him had to live such traumatic things and I know you voluntarily decided to enlist, or at least you, but...- I can breath again. She's not talking about our final discussion about her, but of earlier, when she was waiting for my signal with Lou. Late, I realize what she said, and something different, not fear, but... a sense of understanding, of empathy, absolute, which I think I felt only with Phil, before today. -It's just that I can't help but imagine you at that moment, all alone, disoriented and I know it's not my business, but...- I feel a lump in my throat. -Sorry, I really have to learn to hold my tongue in check, I don't do it on purpose, by now you know me, I let myself go when I'm nervous...- I force myself to react, because I can't really believe that all this apprehension doesn't mean anything.

-And why are you nervous, Penelope?- we look at each other for one second that seems to last a whole life. She seems to find the answer she was looking for in my eyes.

-Uh, I think a good definition is...- I feel in the air, yes, exactly in the air, and Phil would laugh so much at me, but I feel in the air that the next sentence that she will say, it will change the course of my life. -...is that I care about you and I love you.- I decide to follow her example and jump.

I signal the turn and I stop at the edge of the road. -Like to one of the team?- I ask her, turning to her and putting my hand on hers.

-What?- she replies with another question, but I understand that she doesn’t do it to avoid the question, she hasn’t really understood, she hasn't guessed the scope of my sentence.

Then I do something really unthinkable. A small thing, but not for me. -Do you only love me as a member of the BAU?- I interlace my fingers with hers.

Penelope falters, but can't take her eyes off mine. -I...- I think she's uncomfortable and that's not what I wanted. With the other hand I stroke her back.

-You don't have to answer.- I say in a calm tone of voice. -I'm sorry.- I add.

However, I feel her increase the grip. -No.- convinced voice. -I want it, I want to answer.- she makes a big sigh. -I love you more than as a colleague and even more than as a friend...- she finally says and I really find it hard to concentrate on what comes next. -I have... I have a crush on you.- yes, she has said it, there are no more doubts or spaces for ambiguity. -And I'm sorry that you had to find out this way and I know I wouldn't have the right to feel anything for you because I always treated you badly but I didn't want to, it was a way of curbing it, but it didn't work and it showed so easy, and I’m so sorry, I...- I move my hand on her mouth to gently silence her. I would have preferred a kiss, but first... first there are things I have to say.

-Penelope. Stop apologize.- she nods, like an obedient child. I'm dying to kiss her, but I have to check myself. -The heart goes where it goes, right?- it comes out instead. She takes it seriously.

-And love is blind, like luck.- she replies. Our hands are still intertwined.

-Yeah.- I begin to lean towards her face. -But it happens that I can see very well.- her pupils dilate. I don't want to prolong this torture for both. -I also have a crush on you.- I say then, then I realize I haven't said the right thing. -No, it's not the truth.- the sparkle in her eyes goes out instantly.

-I thought it was strange.- she also comments with a disillusioned tone and I understand that I cannot allow her to believe that I have teased or deceived her.

So, I take her face with my hands and caress her by moving only my thumbs. -Because I'm in love with you.- she opens her mouth. -Phil called me obsessed. And yes, we talked about you, practically only about that.- I answer the question that I previously avoided. She looks even more amazed. -He told me I had to wake up, otherwise...- this time she gets the matter right away.

-Wow.- she chuckles. -How is it possible that two hot military are into me and neither of them wants to shoot me?- but this subject is not particularly pleasing to me. I can't think of that bastard and I had need confession because of him. Apparently, it is also a sin wanting to kill those who are already dead.

-I don't want to talk about Battle.- I reply in fact, in a snarl.

She doesn't get scared, but looks upset. -You know?- she asks, turning to the window. I leave my fingers run into her blonde hair. Another thing that I don't know how long I've wanted to do. There are many, but I have to be patient.

-Yes, JJ told me about it.- I explained hastily. -But now I would like to address and in-vestigate another type of topic...- my voice becomes hoarse and she seems to realize what is about to happen. My hands are always around her face. The belt prevents me from moving, so I take it off. One of her hand rests on my leg and the other on my shoulder.

-Oh.- she only whispers. I bend down, leaving a kiss on her forehead, one on her nose, a series of kisses on her cheeks, I don't know why and where did I get this idea that only prolongs the wait, but then I feel Penelope increase the grip and reaches my mouth. I completely lose my mind, even if I can behave like a perfect gentleman and not like an animal in heat. Short kisses, longer kisses, wet kisses, dry kisses, sweet kisses and hungry kisses. I soon lose the bill.

It is she who breaks away. If it were up to me, I would probably have died due to lack of oxygen. -Luke...- she pronounces my name in a small voice. I think it's the most erotic thing I've ever heard. She begins to feel a certain problem, but I ignore it (or postpone it).

-What?- I ask, taking advantage of it to fill my lungs.

She bites her lip, then chuckles nervously. -Maybe I read too many thrillers, but... wouldn't it be better if we moved?- she looks through the windshield. It's dark, and it's starting to drizzle. -Someone might arrive and it would be embarrassing to explain... even if we aren't doing anything.- she blushes. I stroke her cheek, taking advantage to steal another quick kiss. I believe this will become a pleasant habit.

-Yes, you're right.- I hesitate on her lips, it’s like a drug. -It's that, hell, it was so long that I wanted to do it.- I sigh and we both end up laughing like two teenagers. -And probably I should have kept it for me.- I add.

-No!- she leans on my shoulder. -I like your being so... spontaneous. Without filters.- I see her smile, and it's so beautiful that it makes my heart beat faster.

-Oh well.- I reply. -I'm not very good at these things.- I confess. I keep saying things that I'd better don't say aloud.

But she looks at me, serious. -It also a lot that I'm off the grid...- she reveals. -But it doesn't matter, right?- I understand what she means.

-Right.- I echo her. With an inhuman effort I return to my seat and fasten my belt. -Where... where do you want me to take you?- I'm in no hurry, right? I can respect her time, can't I? -At your home or... - Penelope shakes her head.

-Luke, why do you have to tempt me so shamelessly?- it seems that I wasn't the only one who thought about it. -I am afraid of what might happen if I spend the night with you.- yes, I think I understand what she means. A passion like ours, held for almost two years, what kind of consequences will it bring?

I start the engine and enter the road again. -Chose freely, but remember that we don't have to do anything.- it is so. I just have to convince myself.

-No, we don't have to, but do you think we'll be able to hold ourselves back?- she asks, reading my thoughts. I already feel disappointment, even though I would not be entitled to it, given how the evening has evolved. -On the other hand... I'd like to see Roxy again, I miss her.- she rekindles all hopes and laughs at my expression.

-Didn't Lou be enough for you?- I ask, trying to dissemble.

-No, I'll never get enough of cuddling puppies.- she replies promptly.

-And the same for me, but of you.- I answer as determined and convinced.

-Wow.- is her reaction. -It's strange, beautiful but strange.- she touches my hand on the steering wheel. -I'll get a little used to it.- I hope it never happens, it's what I wish for both. I am convinced that it will not happen to me.

Later, we finally reach my apartment. I turn the key and let Penelope enter first. -Rox!- my girl immediately assaults her; it is so beautiful that now this sentence is like a multiplication, with interchangeable factors. -Love, how beautiful are you?- Roxy cleans her face and she returns her, filling her with kisses. -Listen to me, honey.- I hear her say solemnly, -From this moment on you have a very important task: you have to help Uncle Phil and Lou, you'll be a good sister, aren't you? I know you will be.- then she looks at me, from bottom to top. -You see? She has understood that I don’t love her less.- she points out, proud. -Why are you looking at me like that? You think I’m crazy, right?- I shake my head and bring her back to an upright position.

-No.- her face at my height, despite the difference in stature between us. -I think you're adorable.- she gives me one of her magical smiles and puts her arms around my neck. - And about me, how much you love me?- I ask, with a mischievous tone.

Her eyes flicker here and there. -I don't know, it's hard to quantify it.- she replies.

I nod. -You're right, but...- I'm going to say it, I have to say. I want to tell her before... before what may or may not happen. So she can understands that I really think so. -I love you.- she just squeezes her lips a little. -I mean it seriously.- I add.

-I love too.- she says, and I know that from this moment, whatever may happen, the world can no longer be the same. It will be a magnificent place. -But if this is a dream, give me five more minutes.- we laugh together, holding each other in a poignant embrace.

-It's all true.- I whisper in her ear, feeling her shudder. -And if it were not, I would like to stay asleep next to you.- we move to the bed, let's get back to kissing each other, then she collapses, as a consequence of all the emotions experienced during this evening. I stay for about a quarter of an hour looking at her. -What do you say, Rox, should I thank Phil?- the dog gives me a significant look. -Yup. Tomorrow I text him.- I also turn off the last light, I lie down beside Penelope, wrapping my arms around her body and I fall asleep at once.

-----------------------

TAGS: @martinab26 @reidskitty13 @thinitta @garvezz @mercedes-maldonado @shyladystudentfan @pegasus-scifichick @paperwalk @inlovewithgarvaz @the-ellen-stuff @astressedwriter @ilovecatswwehp @symphonyashley @jess-the-introvert @veronicafiore88

#garvez #penelope garcia #luke alvez #criminal minds #cm #penelope x luke #luke x penelope #garcia x alvez #alvez x garcia #phil brooks #penelope x phil #lou #roxy #post 13x7 #dust and bones #BAU team #tiziano ferro #michele zarrillo #l'alfabeto degli amanti

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theartoflovingthomashunt · 5 years

Text

Back to the Start (Thomas’s Journal)

*This is technically Faux Pas Part Seven, but it’s more of a standalone story

Part One: Long Distance Part Five

Part Two: (Not so) Long Distance

Part Three: Emphatically, No

Part Four: L.A. Baby (Where Dreams are Made of to be broken)

Part Five: (I’m Sorry I Can’t Be) Perfect

Part Six: I’d Do Anything

* * * The Art of Loving Thomas Hunt Fan Fiction Masterlist * * *

– – –

Characters: Alex (MC), Thomas Hunt Mentioned Characters: Marianne Delacroix, Bianca Stone, Matt Rodriguez, Chris Winters

Setting: This takes place between Red Carpet Diaries Book 2 and 3 (Red Carpet Diaries 2.5). However, the majority of the content recaps RCD Books 1 and 2 from Thomas POV. In my fanfiction writing, this takes place immediately after Faux Pas Part 6. Previously, Bianca Stone shared part of Thomas’s private journal about his feelings about Marianne Delacroix. Thomas also agreed to model for Faux Pas with Alex for Addison’s photoshoot despite not initially wanting to.

Rating: PG-13

– – –

Thomas sat down beside Alex on the couch, wrapping his arm around her. Alex let him pull her into his chest.

“Thank you again,” Alex lifted her head to place a kiss on his lips.

“It was my pleasure,” Thomas kissed her again.

“Can we put all of this behind us?” Alex suggested.

“Agreed. However, before we do...” Thomas began hesitantly. He took a deep breath. “Since Miss Stone was kind enough to share what I had written about Marianne, I thought perhaps you might want to see what I’ve written about you.”

Thomas held out a black journal. It had several pages flagged.

“Thomas, you don’t have to,” Alex offered.

“I want to,” Thomas insisted, putting the journal in Alex’s hands.

Alex leaned into Thomas’s arms and opened to the first flagged page.

[Hello, Hollywood]

Today, I went to another insipid Hollywood party. The meaningless blather of conversations at these affairs is irritating. Finding someone to have an actual conversation with proved impossible. Perhaps the most interesting thing of note was a party crasher. I commend her risk to network–she seemed to handle herself with unexpected grace. Unfortunately for her, this town is filled with other naive, beautiful Hollywood hopefuls.

[The Big Premiere]

Rarely am I stirred by current Hollywood indie films, tonight I witnessed a rare break in the drivel of underwhelming attempts at true art. Tender Nothings was not terrible. That is to say, it was quite good. The film owes its success to a newcomer, Alex Spencer. I was pleasantly surprised by not only her raw talent but her charm and decorum. I had the privilege of speaking with her at Matt Rodriguez’s party. Alex has mastered the Hollywood charm offensive, even if she insists she is just being honest. I hope to work with her in the future. I find her talent magnetizing. I’m drawn to her and I’m not sure why that is. She’s like a lightning bolt–she’s completely compelling.

[Leveling Up]

I do not believe in fate, and yet, it seems Alex and I continue to cross paths when I least expect it. A potential client failed to show up despite insisting we meet at this abhorrent excuse for a public venue. Forget the music, they used bagged ice; how artless? As I thought the night was a total loss, I found Alex in the cacophony of sounds and lights. She continues to bewilder me. She willingly left her friends and the party at hand to accompany me to Noir Bar. Alex talks with maturity and dignity beyond her years; and yet, she has a way of–how do I put it–teasing me in a manner to which I am not accustomed. I offered Alex the part of the Duchess; unfortunately, she is attached to another film. This, of course, is disappointing; however, that is not to say the evening was disappointing. I quite enjoyed myself.

[Fired-storm + Take Two]

The Last Duchess has been stuck in a state of uncertainty for a few weeks now. I have not found anyone who could portray Frances with all the nuances the performance requires. It is with conflicting emotions that I finally have my Duchess. I somehow found my way to Alex again. I was pleased by her enthusiasm and interest in the role, although I abhor the reason for which she was let go from her prior engagement. Even sitting across from here, I felt fire run through my veins as she told me what Viktor tried to do to her. I knew he was vile, but this was different. I had never felt so much hatred before; even with everything that happened between Viktor and me.

As I sat with Alex and saw the light of passion in her eyes, I knew it was fate. I finally realized why I couldn’t cast the Duchess. It was always Alex. She is everything I admire in Frances. I know she will bring undeniable life to the role. Nevertheless, Alex is also dangerous. I’m drawn to her in a way I haven’t been in a long time. I almost kissed her. I wanted to. But after Viktor, I can’t. I will protect her, even if that means from myself.

I gave Alex a day to think about my offer before returning for her reply. I did need her answer readily, but the truth is, I couldn’t stay away from her.

[The Underdogs]

Today was the first day of production for The Last Duchess. I wanted to film a few test scenes to provide potential producers and investors in hopes of securing funding. Alex and Chris were impeccable even on their first attempt. I hope the investor we are meeting with tomorrow sees the potential of this film.

As the title character of the film, it was natural to ask Alex to accompany me on the trip to San Franciso. I expected that eventually, I would discover something about Alex that would help quell the distraction she has become to me. The trip had an adverse effect. Alex continues to demonstrate she is a capable woman in all regards. I took her to a few of my favorite places. She genuinely appreciated them all. When I showed her all of San Francisco from Twin Peaks, she asked where I lived. Maybe it was the memories that filled my head when she asked about my former house, but I was pulled toward her. I didn’t want to stop. The way she looked in the moonlight. She was exquisite. Her hand on my jaw was electric. I could feel it radiate through my whole body. It was just the shock I needed to remind me of everything I could lose if I had let myself continue.

[I'll Take The High Road]

Production of the Last Duchess headed to Cordonia. Alex continued to overwhelm my thoughts. I offered her an extra seat on the plane. If she had brought someone else, then I could let the thought of her go. I want her to be happy, even if that is with someone else. Regardless, she declined. I smiled when she turned down the offer.

On the set Chris–for all his talents–had difficulty today exuding the right mix of restrained desire and infinite decorum the scene required. I offered to demonstrate what I was looking for. I have done this countless times on prior films, and yet, this time it was different. I ran the scene with Alex– the anticipation and intensity were palpable. I am hopelessly at her mercy.

[Happily Ever After...Right?]

The Last Duchess was complete and yet, I felt compelled to head to the studio to attempt to make it even better. As if I were not distracted enough by the mere thought of Alex, fate decided yet again to test my resolve in acting on my desires for her. Alex drives me to distraction. She challenges me. I confessed my desire for her. Remarkably, she felt the same way. When we kissed, I felt contended. My thoughts were quiet for the first time in months. I relinquished my future to her, should she feel the same way as I.

The wrap party for The Last Duchess was an overwhelming success. The film received much praise and yet for the first time, the acclaim was distant. As to be expected by now, Alex captured my whole attention. She chose me. I might never understand why, but I will never stop trying to make her happy.

Apparently, Alex is a distraction I’m supposed to have. I can’t fight it anymore. I won’t.

As Alex continued flipping through the other entries, tears cascaded down her cheeks and flowed across her smile. She had not thought it possible to be more in love with Thomas than she already was, but she was wrong.

“I can’t believe...” Alex’s words got caught in her throat. She shifted until her lips were hovering over Thomas’s. “I love you, Thomas Hunt, more than I have ever loved anyone.”

“As do I, my Alex,” Thomas admitted.

Alex pressed her lips against Thomas’s. Alex kissed him long and slow. Thomas responded by pulling Alex further on top of him until she was straddling his lap. He ran his hands down her back and lower, eventually settling his hands in the back pocket of her pants. Alex smiled against his lips as Thomas squeezed her. His touch caused her body to quiver pleasantly in response.

Alex pulled away for a moment to catch her breath. “I noticed you did not include any specific details about the wrap party. Perhaps you need a refresher of the highlights from the evening?”

Thomas cupped his hands around Alex’s face. “How did that scene go again?" he teased.

Alex traced a finger up his arm. Her touch still sent shivers through his body; she smiled lightly. "I believe it started with desire," Alex whispered as she pressed her lips to his.

Thomas wrapped his arms around her and picked her up. Alex wrapped her legs around him. They passionately kissed their way over to a table in the corner. It wasn't a desk, but it would do. Thomas and Alex kissed fiercely as they let their memories of that first night overcome them.

----

Thomas Tags: (Let me know if you would like to be included :))

@hopelessromantic1352; @alleksa16 ; @mfackenthal ; @alj4890 ; @the-soot-sprite ; @twin-skltns ; @pb-boeboe ; @lilyofchoices ; @flyawayboo

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vethyourhalflingmother · 5 years

Text

Elaina, Syldor, and their Twins: I Ramble About Character and Relationship Headcanons Like I’m Writing A Fucking Academic Essay

***SPOILERS FOR CAMPAIGN ONE OF CRITICAL ROLE***

**THIS POST IS VERY LONG. NO, I DON’T KNOW WHAT CONCISE MEANS**

PART ONE: WHAT WE KNOW

As viewers, we do not know much about the details of the relationship between Vax and Vex’s parents, Elaina and Syldor, and we actually don’t know that much about the twins’ relationships with each of their parents (although there are some key moments that give us certain hints). Therefore, most of this is based on my own headcanons and impressions, which I will attempt to explain, but this is the disclaimer that ultimately this is my own interpretation and everyone is entitled to see view it all how they want to see it.

Now, that said, I am going to start by going over what we know.

Vax and Vex’s history summaries, which appeared at the beginning of early Critical Role episodes, give us the most information about their parents.

Vax’s says,

“Along with twin sister Vex'ahlia, Vax was born by a chance encounter between elven royalty and human peasantry. Raised by their mother in their early years, the twins were eventually sent off to their father in the elven capital of Syngorn. But their cool reception among the elves there never warmed, and their time in the capital didn't last. The siblings stole away one autumn night and set out on the open road.” (source)

and Vex’s tells the same story,

“Born of a human mother and an elven father—who only later in life took an interest in their existence—, Vex'ahlia and her twin brother Vax'ildan quickly realized the only people they could truly rely on in this world were each other.

It was at the age of ten when the two were taken from their mother, and brought to live in Syngorn, the isolated elven city for which their father was an ambassador. He quietly took them in, but always kept an icy distance, and after too many years of disdainful looks, the pair decided to leave his indifference behind, and set out on their own.” (source)

However, this isn’t the entire story. (Most of my source for the following information comes from Heredity and Hats, and I recommend watching the twins’ entire conversation with their father, their step-mother (Devana), and their sister (Velora), from roughly here until here).

Firstly, we learn the Syldor Vessar, the twins’ father isn’t exactly royalty; he’s an ambassador with substantial rank and privilege, but not as much as an actual royal, which is implied when he tells them that he can only get them one meeting with Syngorn’s leader, the High Warden - he’s probably more like a nobleman, which I’ll go into more about later. This also explains why he was out of such a closed off city in the first place.

Secondly, it is unclear how involved Syldor and Elaina’s relationship was, probably because the twins themselves don’t know. There’s some implication that it was a brief fling or a one-night stand, from the language “a chance encounter” and how Vex crudely describes her and her brother’s conception as Syldor “fuck[ing] some random woman in a city [he] passed through.”

Thirdly, it is also unclear how Syldor came to take care of the twins. At times (like in Vax’s summary, and in some of Vex’s mentions of her mother), it is suggested that Elaina sent the twins to Syldor, whereas in the twins’ conversation with Syldor in Heredity and Hats, it is suggested that he took the twins from her (Vax’s line about leaving them to be with their mother when she died strongly suggests this).

Fourthly, we know that Elaina was a peasant seamstress from Byroden who was killed when Thordak the Cinder King destroyed the town (when the twins were roughly 12 years old, probably before they ran away from Syldor - one of the artbooks supposedly puts the twins at 13 or 14 when they left Syngorn, but since I don’t have a copy myself, I’m not sure). This tells us quite a bit; both Vex and Vax’s summaries mention the racial difference between their parents, and in Heredity and Hats, Syldor brings up his people’s bigotry against humans and half-elves and how his life is easier when the twins aren’t part of it. Vax’s also mentions their class differences. And because Elaina is dead, we don’t see her until Vax dies himself - where we get one line of her saying that she’s proud of him.

PART TWO: BASIC ASSUMPTIONS ON WHICH MORE COMPLEX INTERPRETATIONS ARE BUILT

Now that those facts are on the table, what do they mean for my interpretation and subsequent headcanons? In order to get into that, we have to start with my more basic assumptions based on the above information.

To start at the beginning, Vex is likely right when she says Syldor was passing through Byroden and had a quick fling with Elaina. He probably didn’t know that he got her pregnant. It’s altogether possible that he stopped in this little town for one night on his way to do some ambassadorial duties and didn’t think twice about it until he passed through again and heard a rumor about some half-elf children, and I headcanon that’s what happen. (That said, they could’ve had a short fling as well, though I doubt there was any love. Syldor clearly looks down on humans, and Elaina’s class likely doubled that bigotry.)

As for a timeline about when the Syldor first heard he may have bastard children and when he decided to interfere, I don’t have a specific one, but I feel like he probably spent a long time debating about it - and how it would affect his personal and professional life. As mentioned above, Vax’s summary implies that Syldor is royalty, but his status is more complicated than that. It does have special privileges, and I know because in Syngorn is childbaring is very regulated (as described in Matt Mercer’s Tal’Dorei Campaign Guide, children have to be approved by the government before conception, and unapproved children, even full-blooded elves, are sent to live outside the city). As an ambassador Syldor probably gets special passes on certain things, like leaving the city in general, and bringing back illegal wines and children to Syngorn and claiming they’re gifts that just can’t be turned down from the city’s allies.

Ultimately, he either fell prey to his own arrogance about the importance of his bloodline or he felt guilty. I’m inclined to believe it’s a mixture of both emotions, though probably more guilt, since Syldor expresses that he cares about the twins in some capacity - just not nearly as much as children deserve from their father.

Now, for Elaina, at this point, I have a considerably less clear picture of her than I do Syldor, just due to lack of information. However, I’ve seen a few interpretations that don’t particularly do it for me, such as her being lovelorn and entirely passive. I don’t tend to like that because 1) her children are both very active in their own destinies, including their romantic lives, and 2) that’s a pretty stereotypical position for her to be in, especially given that Syldor has a lot of a status over her. But when I was developing Elaina, I had to sift through some deeper stuff before I started deciding what she would be, as a character in my head, rather than just what she wasn’t.

Which brings me to a more complex question that ended up being fundamental to my personal interpretation of Syldor and Elaina, both together and as individuals: did Elaina send the twins with Syldor or did Syldor take the twins from Elaina?

PART THREE: ADDRESSING THE NUANCE

So. I already said that Liam contradicts himself on this wording. The real world explanation for that is likely that he wasn’t thinking about the difference, or that the twins’ backstory became clearer once they played more, which are both incredibly valid possibilities. But I am an English major, and if you’ve followed my blog for awhile, you know I like to pick on little details for fun. And this little detail has some interesting implications.

The difference between Elaina sending the twins with Syldor and Syldor taking them is a matter of both Elaina’s personal choice and Syldor’s use of force. But’s not so simple as she definitely gave them of her own will or Syldor definitely made her - and this isn’t just due to lack of information, it’s also because I get the impression that the twins themselves view the situation differently.

I don’t have sources on hand, but I got the feeling that Vex felt more like Elaina gave them over to Syldor too willingly, whereas Vax’s frustration with the situation was only directed at Syldor (perhaps because he holds his mother in high esteem, or maybe because he really does believe she did what she could to try & keep them/was forced to give them up against her will). Perhaps at a later date, I will write something else going into the twins’ perspectives on their parents and general heritage, but since that’s a whole other can of worms, I’m going to leave it there for now.

The point is, my understanding was that the twins were not unified in their thoughts of moving from mom to dad, and what I took from that was, well it was probably a very nuanced situation.

Elaina obviously cared for her children. There’s evidence. As mentioned above, Vax would’ve rather died with her than live in Syngorn. They went back to try and find her after they ran away. The Raven Queen used her to ease Vax’s passing. But that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t give them up to Syldor. She was a peasant. The twins imply that they were poor growing up - this, combined with their time on their own after Syngorn, seem to be why Vex is as concerned with money as she is. If Syldor said, “I could give them a life where money wasn’t a worry,” I would think she’d take it under consideration.

I don’t think she would be eager to send her children into the unknown with a man she barely knows, especially not one that also looks down his nose at her, though. Perhaps if she were desperate, but there’s no indication that the twins were starving, and they did have a house and clothes (as Vax dramatically recalls at one point when he thinks he’s dying), and Elaina did have a job as a seamstress. Obviously, I can’t say for certain that she wasn’t completely desperate, but my impression is that she wasn’t.

The other factor is how willing she is to just let things happen to her. If she was quite passive, then perhaps she would hand them over simply due to her lack of ability to stand up for herself. But very early into this, I started formulating an Elaina that was very headstrong and fierce and took control of her own destiny. This, to me, felt true to the part of her we know most about: her children. And ultimately, it’s the kind of thing that turns a flat character into one with more substance - it’s not an easy decision for her.

So that is the Elaina who sees the merit of Syldor’s suggestion, but also the Elaina who wants to refuse it. Why doesn’t she? Because Syldor is a man (elf? you know what I mean) with power, something I’m sure she’d known from the moment she met him. It isn’t as if men like Syldor hide that shit. Do I think he outright threatened to beat her down if she didn’t hand over the twins? No, not at all. But an implication of how... traumatic it would be for the twins if he stopped asking nicely could work well enough coupled with promises of good futures for them. Or it might not even be that overt; maybe he could’ve�� just demand a decision from her without giving her time to think, or time to talk to the twins about what they want. And so now not only is it not easy, but maybe it’s not even entirely her own. There’s another layer to her and the situation.

Therefore, in my mind, when Elaina watches the twins leave, she roiling with all sorts of emotions - anger, loss, apprehension, anxiety, maybe even a small bud of hope - but most immediately, regret. My version of Elaina, more than anything, curses herself over her decision to let the twins go, until the moment her house catches fire.

PART FOUR: SYLDOR, A CHARACTER SUMMARY

Syldor Vessar is an asshole. He was probably an asshole to Elaina, though I doubt they talked much. He’s a bad father. He brought the twins into an environment he knew would be hostile to them and then neglected them. Then he tried to hide behind the excuse of “well, I did all I could.” However, I see a lot of asshole fathers portrayed in fiction that remind me of cartoon villains with black and white perspectives and iron fists. But Syldor’s a different brand. Because Syldor says that he cares and that he’s proud of the twins. He gives them access to the High Warden. He admits to some of his wrong doings. And on some level, that stuff is probably true and genuine. I think he believes he did all he could. He knows he wasn’t the best father, but clearly he didn’t see himself as bad enough to not have another child. He probably assumes he can do better by Velora. And maybe he can, with a full-blooded elf, with a daughter he actually considers his own. But maybe not. To me, it looks like Syldor’s love is extremely conditional. From what Vax and Vex imply, the conditions are how pointy your ears are, how much money you have in your pocket, and how well you can conform.

PART FIVE: ELAINA, A CHARACTER SUMMARY

I’ve said most of this already, but Elaina is my tragedy that really tried to resist being a tragedy. As far as her life prior to Syldor, I like to think she was doing her best to enjoy life in order to balance all the damn work she had to do. I like to think she was popular in Byroden, and that she had lots of acquaintances but few really close friends. I like to think she had one night a week where she went to the tavern and got piss drunk. I like to think that she spat at the men who told her to smile. I like to think that he needlework was some of the best in the region, which is a small prize, but one of her to be proud of. I like to think that she slept with more than just Syldor.

And I like to think that she kept all that fervor when she had the twins, but that she repurposed it a little to better suit them. I like to think she made up wild stories and told them to the twins every night. I like to think she wasn’t a great cook, but that her meals still had that something special that only mothers can add. I like to think she instilled the sense of goodness in the twins that follows what is right, not what is the law. And I like to think that she sparked something in them that led them to be champions of literal gods. That she was more than just a footnote to encourage their vengeance against a dragon they were going to kill anyway and more than just a random woman Syldor fucking Vessar fucked.

Because to me, it feels like she did mean much more than can be said, at least to her children.

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oldhauntsforgottenghosts · 5 years

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Mega Project Pan 2019 Part 2

Tumblr wouldn’t let me upload everything at once, so here’s a round two!

Left to Right

104. Clinique lotion - Goal is to use out, it’s a sample size.

105.Garnier Honey Shampoo - It works, but I have other shampoos I enjoy more. Goal is to use out.

106. Milani coconut lip treatment - Goal is to see progress. I’ve had this for 3+ years.

107.Sally Hansen Set Sail - Goal is to use this out, I’ve got too many nailpolishes. Seems insane, but this polish dries fast BUT it seems to chip faster than the polishes that take forever to dry, so I usually have to do my nails 2x a week. That being said, the brush doesn’t always get down to the bottom of the bottle, so it’s basically only got a few uses in it.

108. Nyx Doll - Goal is to use more often.

109 Nyx Athens - No clue how much is left in here, but I want to see if I can use it out.

110.Jordana Matte Bare - Goal is just to use it more.

111.Nyx Matte lipstick - This is basically new, but I want to use it at least a little.

112-113. Clinique lipstick + mascara - The lipstick is almost done, so my goal is to use it out. The mascara is almost dried, so I’ll likely mark it complete when the lipstick is done.

114. LA Colors Sea Shells - There’s nothing wrong with this aside from it’s old. goal is to use more.

115.Nyx Arigato - Almost new, goal is to use a few times.

116. HoliPop cheek tint. - I bought this a few months ago and haven’t really used it aside from trying it out like once, so I want to use it a bit more. Goal is just to use.

117-118 LA Colors Nail Duet - Red + Glitter - These are mini polishes, so my goal is to use out the red one, and make significant progress on the white one.

119. Sally Hansen Re-Teal Therapy- Goal is just to see movement on it, since I’ve not worn it much recently.

120. Clinique Black Honey - This is SO old it’s not funny. I’ve had it in like 2? 3? Project pans before, and never do much with it. Goal for this one is to use it out.

121.Victoria’s Secret Lipstick - I actually enjoy the scent of this one, and the color isn’t half bad. I just want to use it more. No clue how full it is because the color is painted on the bottle...

122.Milani Naturally Chic - I’ve had this since highschool, and have only used it perhaps a handful of times. Goal is just to use.

123. LA Colors Lipstick - This one is basically new. Goal is to use.

124. Coca Cola Cherry lipbalm - Goal is to make progress on. I’ve had this since high school.

125. Butterfly mascara - This is the second time I’ve bought this product, but my goal is just to use it more since I’ve neglected an open tube of mascara.

126. Tarte mini lipgloss - goal is to use out. I’m not a fan of the minty tingle this has, and I’ve managed to yoink out the stopper somehow, so it’s definitely going to be annoying to use.

127. Wet n Wild Stoplight red - This was my favorite lipstick in highschool. Which makes it like 6 years old. Goal is to make progress on.

128.Nuance My Favorite - I love the color and texture of this, but the tube itself is a bit damaged. Goal is to use out.

129. Nivea Care + Color Lipbalm - I enjoy this when I need just a subtle tint of color, and it’s very nice to apply/wear. Goal is just to make progress.

130. Wet n Wild Cushion lipstick - Goal is just to use more often, since I don’t reach for this one much due to the funny applicator.

Left to Right, top to bottom.

131-138. Handaiyan Blue Ocean Palette - She Young, Cashmere, Honeymoon, Pumpkin Pie, Dusty Rose, Cocoa, vintage, and Unicorn Tears. The Blue eyeshadow here was damaged upon arrival, but otherwise, the palette is barely used. Goal is just to use these shadows a bit, especially when Autumn rolls around.

139. Laura Geller Blush n Brighten in Berry - This has damaged packaging, so no lid. It’s been chilling in my Z-Palette for the most part. It’s also VERY used, although it doesn’t look it since it’s a baked product. BUT, it’s gone from being domed to being flat on top. Goal here is to hit ‘pan’ (or the ‘tile’ they bake it on).

140-147. Fashion Nova Eyeshadow Palette - Top to bottom, pans 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10. These are rather small, so goal is just to use these a few times. I’ll especially look forward to using it when September-October rolls around!

148-149. ELF vampire palette - right row, pans 2 +3 - Goal is just to wear off the top pattern on these...

Top to bottom, left to right.

150. Mally blush - Goal - wear off the top pattern.

151. Victoria’s Secret Lip Scrub - Goal - Make obvious progress on.

152. Jordana Classic Bronze - Goal - use

153-155. Cream Blush Palette - pans 1, 3, and 4, top to bottom. Goal is to make progress on.

156. Urban Decay Primer Potion - goal is to use, I’ve had this forever.

157. Loreal Everlasting Rose - Goal is just to use and see progress on.

158. LA Colors Stardust - Goal is to use, see some progress.

159. NYX French Fries - Goal is just to use.

160. Wet n Wild Eyebrow Pencil - Goal is to use out, as it’s almost done and the actual product is so soft it runs out super easily.

161. ELF liquid eyeliner - Goal is just to use more often.

162. LA Colors Red lipliner - Goal is to use out.

I should note I managed to take pictures of the ELF Vampire Beauty book TWICE because I forgot to pick it up. LOL.

163. Nailtek Nail Treatment - I’ve had this for 2+ years. Goal is to use out.

164. Sinful Colors Nailpolish - Goal is to see progress on.

165. Covergirl Peacock Mascara - Goal is to use.

166. Wet n Wild Lipgloss - Goal is to use.

167. Kokie Rosewood - goal is to use more often.

168. Sleek Red liquid lipstick - goal is to use a few times, maybe see some movement.

169. Jordana Matte Lipstick - goal is to see some progress.

170. Burberry mini perfume - Goal is to use out - I’ve got too many tiny perfume samples!

171. Bareminerals Maverick - Goal is to use more often, maybe see some progress.

172. Sally Hansen pink nailpolish - goal is to use out.

173. Hemp Seed Lotion - Goal is to use out, it’s almost done, perhaps a few more uses in it.

174. Maybelline Fit Me - It’s mostly used up, goal is to finish it.

175. Ultra Repair cream - Goal is to use out.

176. Hask Hair treatment - Goal is to use out, it’s basically a single use vial.

177. Mini Purity cleanser - Goal is to use out, since it’s travel-sized.

178. Victoria’s Secret Heavenly Gel Perfume - Goal is to use out - I’m not a huge fan of the way this feels, and i’ve got other perfumes I love more.

179. Kleancolor Nailpolish - Goal is to see Progress

180. NYX French Maid - Goal is to use more, I’ve no idea how much is left since the tube is so damaged.

181. ELF Pink lipstick - Goal is just to use more.

182. Wet n Wild Frosted lipstick - goal is to use a few times.

183. Celavi Lipstick - goal is to use a few times, maybe round off the top.

And again, this is as much as Tumblr will let me put into one single post, so there’s going to be a part three, and maybe part four coming up soon(ish)

#project pan

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free-martinis · 6 years

Link

Words by ROBIN SWITHINBANK

Photography by MATT HOLYOAK

Styling byGARETH SCOURFIELD

“It’s not the kind of thing you’d expect to hear a movie star say, at least, not one who has starred in some of the highest-grossing films of all time. ‘I’m not part of the Hollywood A-list,’ says Martin Freeman, shrugging his shoulders. ‘I’m genuinely not. No. Nowhere near.’

That might sound unduly modest, but the thing is, despite appearing as the titular figure in Peter Jackson’s $3bn Hobbit super-franchise; despite being part of Marvel’s universe (twice, most recently in Black Panther); despite appearing alongside the likes of Billy Bob Thornton (as Lester Nygaard in the Coen-brothers-inspired TV hit Fargo) and Benedict Cumberbatch (as Dr John Watson in Sherlock); and despite being an Emmy and BAFTA-award winning actor (both for Sherlock), he’s not.

‘For a lot of people, the Hobbit was played by Bilbo Baggins,’ he says, that familiar look of knowing resignation writ large across his face. Surely playing the heroic halfling has transformed his career and spun him into the red-carpet superstar galaxy? ‘I don’t know how many people after that thought: “Get me that guy.” I genuinely don’t know. It didn’t feel like it made a massive difference to me. Honest to God.’ Perhaps that will explain where he keeps those awards. ‘On my roof,’ he quips. ‘So people can see them.’

It’s tempting to cast Freeman as unhappy. There’s certainly a tension in him. In person, he’s courteous and engaged – he says words like ‘genuinely’ and ‘literally’ often and fervently – but there’s a sharpness to his opinions, and there’s plenty that riles him. That said, he seems at one with his lot. Mostly. ‘I will allow myself to be proud of that,’ he says of his awards, clearly trying not to big himself up. ‘I do alright. I do OK.’

Martin Freeman might have done some blockbusters in his time, but his first love is independent film. His latest vehicle is Ghost Stories, a proper spooky, throw-your-popcorn-in-the-air fright fest. It’s also an anthology – the fashionable format of our time – featuring the mercurial talents of Paul Whitehouse, Alex Lawther and Andy Nyman. Freeman appears in the third and final act as a wealthy city trader with a ghost problem no prominent psychiatrist has been able to explain. It’s a bleak piece, but it’s funny, too, particularly when Freeman’s natural comic talents are front and centre.

‘People are being hit badly. I’d happily vote for someone who’s going to tax me more’

It is also, for reasons that can’t be explained without spoiling the film, another reminder that the 46-year-old is one of our most versatile actors (‘To be a good comic actor means you’re a good actor, right?’). We spend 10 minutes discussing the film, which Nyman co-wrote and co-directed with Jeremy ‘League of Gentlemen’ Dyson, before it dawns on us that we can’t really talk about it. Not on paper, anyway. One salient detail gets the full treatment, before Freeman jumps in: ‘Don’t give that away, for f**k’s sake!’ he implores. ‘This is my first interview for the film and I’ve already f**ked it up…’

Freeman is not known for his candour. He doesn’t do a lot of interviews and he’s no self publicist (he’s not on social media), only letting it slip that he and Sherlock co-star Amanda Abbington had split after two kids and 16 years together in an interview with the FT a year after the event. Is he with anyone now? ‘Well,’ he says, folding his arms. ‘I would never tell you if I was.’

Conversation about his background and family is therefore a bit stilted. He was born in Aldershot and grew up the youngest of five siblings in Teddington (‘yes, those are the facts.’). His parents split not long after he was born, but he recalls a happy home. ‘We kissed a lot and hugged a lot,’ he says. ‘I mean, it wasn’t The Brady Bunch – we also f**king screamed and shouted a lot.’

They were creative, too, a ‘showy-offy family, no wallflowers’. He’s the only career actor, a path he was encouraged to follow, particularly by his mother, who never got the chance. ‘I was only met with support,’ he says. ‘I didn’t have to leave home, I wasn’t booted out. I know people who faced active hostility from their parents, because it’s so unsafe and it’s in the lap of the gods whether you’ll be able to feed yourself or not.’

These days, Freeman is certainly able to feed himself. Over the past 20 years, his talents have served him well. His big break came in The Office, the mockumentary cringeathon that also made household names of Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Mackenzie Crook. ‘I’m very proud of it,’ he says of the show that in 2004 became the first British sitcom to win a Golden Globe for Best Television Series – Comedy or Musical. ‘I still think it’s a phenomenal show. And I still think the central performance [Gervais’s] is one of the best things I’ve ever seen, let alone acted with. I could not have wanted a better break.’

The apocryphal stories surrounding the show are legion, but the one about him originally auditioning to play Gareth, Crook’s character and the butt of all the jokes, rather than Tim, is true. Gervais and his co-creator Merchant spotted something in Freeman audiences have come to know him by. ‘The Office is basically a room full of Laurels and one Hardy, which is Tim,’ Gervais once told The Sun. ‘Tim’s character is pretty common in comedy – that person who thinks they’re better than everyone else, but it doesn’t seem to get them anywhere.’

For a time, it seemed Freeman might suffer the same fate. He became known as the guy that did ‘that face’. He once appeared on Never Mind the Buzzcocks and was invited by host Simon Amstell to do a ‘sigh-off’ with Gavin & Stacey’s routinely put-upon Mathew Horne. Did he worry he’d never lose that tag? ‘Yeah, I was nervous about that,’ he admits. ‘The thing is, I can do that face. But that face, it’s Oliver Hardy’s face. Not my face. He did it 70 years before I did. That’s just me channelling Oliver Hardy.’ Gervais was right, then.

During the mid-2000s, he picked up roles in Love Actually and Hot Fuzz, and played the lead in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Then came Sherlock, The Hobbit, Fargo, the awards and a lot more public attention. ‘I was out last night, having a drink with a friend, walking around town. There are people following you around with camera phones in your face – it’s not pleasant.’

The public is never far from Freeman’s mind. He’s openly political, not exactly in a ‘Ladies and gentleman, the next President of the United States of America’ kind of way (we’ve established he’s not Hollywood – he doesn’t even own a home in the US), but he did front a party political broadcast for the Labour Party in 2015 and endorsed Jeremy Corbyn’s successful leadership bid later that year. A question about fairness opens the floodgates. ‘I do genuinely think this Government is f**king up. I really do,’ he says. ‘And that’s not to say that a Labour Government would be doing much better. But I think people are being hit genuinely really badly, who shouldn’t be. That’s why I’d happily vote for someone who’s going to tax me more.’

Pardon? ‘I think I should be taxed more. I’ve got more money than a lot of people. In my lifetime, there have always been homeless people. Now there’s even more. Food banks, and people being made homeless by not being able to afford their houses, and not enough social housing being made or built, and austerity on and on and on… I don’t know what we expect to happen, but if you’re doing that and cutting the police, what the f**k do you think is going to happen?’

‘We’re getting more polarised. The inability to see the other side is a problem. Social media has helped do away with nuance’

He’s only too conscious of the conflict in being a very wealthy movie star who thinks more should be done to support the disenfranchised. ‘I get it,’ he says. ‘I get why people say: “Who is this prick?” I get it. Most people aren’t as lucky as me. That’s just the truth. So I can see easily why it comes across as pontificating, why it comes across as being champagne socialist. Which is what we’re all called, as soon as you’re not on the dole. If you’re vaguely famous and say anything left wing, it’s a very easy stick to hit you with.’

That’s the natural framework of popular discourse, though, surely? A binary response is easiest. ‘But we’re getting more polarised,’ he retorts. ‘Definitely. The inability to see the other side is a problem. Unless someone is actually driving down your street in a Panzer, then I think you have to keep dialogue. Social media has helped do away with nuance. If me and you have a disagreement here, we can still have a cup of tea. But we do it on social media – then you’re a Nazi.

‘We can’t go on like that. I will easily say I think Trump is a vile pig, but I don’t think every single person who votes Republican is a vile pig. That would be crazy. And I certainly don’t think that about everyone who votes Conservative. It’s not my team. It’s not my party. But do I know Conservatives? Do I like ’em? ’Course I do. Can I not stand some Labour people? Yeah, I can’t stand some of them. So, my hope would be, genuinely, that we start to put our phones down for a minute, and actually not get involved in these f**king wars, which are so safe to have, and so self-righteous… It costs you nothing to be an armchair activist.’

In Ghost Stories the themes of guilt, good and bad and choice run through the piece, holding it together. In one particularly chilling scene, Freeman’s character utters the deliciously portentous line, ‘I didn’t believe in evil until that night…’ He was brought up a Catholic, but isn’t ‘card-carrying’ now. Does he think the film is a modern parable, a wake-up call to burst our secular bubble?

‘Maybe,’ he says reluctantly. ‘I’m one of the only people who I know in my world who isn’t an atheist. I like the questions. That’s where the interesting stuff happens. I’m equally uneasy with hardcore unquestioning atheists as I am with born-again Christians with their hands in the air and their eyes closed. In the same way that yes, I’m of the Left, but there are people and things about the Left that make me very uncomfortable. The sort of unquestioning, demonising of anyone who doesn’t agree with you, kind of thing. I see that in atheists – if you don’t agree with me, you’re intrinsically a moron. And that isn’t helpful. The older I get, the more I realise you need dialogue.’

This, it seems, is the real Freeman. Vocal, ardent, yet nuanced. But he’s not claiming the soapbox. ‘Let’s face it, I wasn’t a very good omen in 2015,’ he says of his virtual doorstepping days. ‘I don’t want my voice to be a political voice. I’m not some political genius. There’s one thing I’m good at, and it’s acting. I have absolute faith in my ability to do that.’

Like it or not, he has a voice. Thank goodness, it’s not the hashtaggable, awards-season friendly voice of many of his fellow actors. He’s more balanced than that. More open to argument. That’s what we saw – and loved – in Tim. In Lester. In Bilbo. In Freeman, we see life’s ambiguousness, its ludicrousness, its ordinariness.

Freeman has to go. He’s got ‘kiddy things’ to do. He’s an active father when he’s not working, and frankly, I’m holding him up. In a flash, he’s gone.

#Martin Freeman #Jackal magazine #interview #link

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staygoldenlightning · 6 years

Text

An exciting new review experience in three parts! It’s gonna be a long one!

It was only a matter of time until I addressed this elephant in the room: I’m a little bit obsessed with To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before — both the Jenny Han novel and the Netflix original movie. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. To All the Boys is the story of Korean-American, high school junior Lara Jean, whose personal love letters to each of the five boys she’s loved are accidentally sent out, all while she’s dealing with the challenges of her older sister leaving for college (and leaving behind an ex boyfriend that Lara Jean has always had an eye for). In an act of mutual damage control, Lara Jean and her former crush Peter Kavinsky enact probably the best (and definitely my favorite) rom-com cliche of all time: they pretend to be a couple.

I received a copy of the book (the first in a trilogy I haven’t read the rest of yet, NO SPOILERS) as a Christmas gift last year, and I read it back around February or March. Now that the Netflix film has taken Twitter the world quite literally by storm, I figured it was time I launched my thoughts right out into the eye of it. So without further ado, here’s everything I have to say about To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, presented in three parts.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: The Movie

When I’m out of town for the night, Matt has a ritual where he gets a pizza or some snacks and watches a movie I wouldn’t like with the cat. Last week, on a night when Matt was going to be out late and my cat and I were home alone, I decided to do the exact same thing myself (except now I’m pretty sure that he would actually enjoy this movie too). Actually, there are a lot of reasons why this movie is good for EVERYONE, even us “grown ups.” I was feeling a little down on that particular day, and I needed something lighthearted and a little bit indulgent to get my mind off of it, so I put on To All the Boys, because even though I knew I wanted to watch it, I’d been putting it off, in a way.

While some nights since its premier I just didn’t have the time to sit and watch a whole movie, hype scares me away from things. Not in a hipster sense of “If too many people like it, then it must not be good,” but I fear the bandwagon effect. I don’t want to like it just because other people do and I want to fit in. But I have nothing against liking something popular if I actually connect with it. With this movie, I was actually expecting it to be a little cliche, a little cheesy, and a little silly, but in all actuality, it’s just the best rom-com I’ve seen in a really long time. Seriously.

The casting, the characterization, and the pacing all impressed me in their own ways, but what actually stood out to me about the movie was the cinematography and the storytelling choices. I’m not pretending to know anything about movies, but this could have easily been a movie that focused on the plot to give the people what they want: ROMANCE. While that’s still the main focus, the creative direction of the movie really surprised me with the handling of all the side conflicts circling around the main arc. Visually, it was way more interesting than you’d expect from a rom-com: the shots are interesting, and a little bit conceptual, and all meant to capture Lara Jean’s state of mind, not just what she’s doing or what she looks like.

I also give the movie huge props for something a lot of teen movies weirdly fail at, which is writing dialogue that actually sounds the way teens talk. There was no awkward slang, no overly-rehearsed sounding monologues, and even Kitty sounds appropriately mature for her age without going overboard. Even with it’s modern inclusion of social media, To All the Boys actually nailed it in the dialogue department.

I’ve only got one real bone to pick with the writing overall, and that’s the scene in the first act of the movie that, in my opinion, pretty obviously gives away the twist at the end. I read the book; I knew what happened already. But for someone that didn’t, I think they showed their hand too early. (Notice how I’m speaking in generalities to avoid spoilers). The reveal wasn’t explicitly stated, but I think it was too heavily implied. What Kitty says on the couch is enough. If there was a way that the dramatic irony of us knowing the secret that Lara Jean doesn’t could have enhanced the movie, I would have been all for it, but I don’t think they pulled that off. But this is still a small enough gripe not to ruin the movie for me.

And one more thing: the movie didn’t treat really any character as merely an expendable plot device. Lara Jean is and incredibly well-developed protagonist who I came to love almost immediately (how couldn’t I when she daydreams in regency-era period dress?). But the important thing is that we never stop learning about her; not all the information is dumped into exposition, we have to earn our full understanding piece by piece. While I did feel that Gen was reduced a little bit to the “mean girl” stereotype, we do eventually find out why she acts the way she does, and it’s actually a game changer, if only subtly. (Actually, it’s my opinion that the movie needed more Chris, too.)

This is also part of what makes Peter K. such a great character in his own right, not just as “the love interest.” What’s refreshing about Peter is that he’s a softer form of masculine lead that we don’t see too often, but the kicker is that he’s not afraid to show it from the very start (and to be honest, I didn’t get this as strongly from Book Peter). No “tough guy” layers to dig through—his heart’s pretty much on his sleeve, even though he’s still the cool guy all at the same time. Plus, Noah Centineo is a dreamboat (we were all thinking it). I’m telling you, he’s going to be the Chad Michael Murray of his time.

This is unfair and their outfits match.

While of course there wasn’t time for book-length dives into every character, even Lara Jean herself, the characters were portrayed in a way that encourages the audience to make a connection.

https://twitter.com/ivyjune12/status/1037885481302847488

I’m a firm believer that a movie is not a book. Obvious, but what I mean is that a movie doesn’t just have to be a direct retelling of the book in exact detail. In my opinion, if that’s all a movie does, it was unnecessary. I did all that in my head already. What I think makes a great movie adaptation is that it has to have something to say, some interpretation of the characters, plot, and themes, while still capturing the overall idea and spirit of the book from whence it came. I understand the cuts that were made for the sake of real-estate (though I’m hoping a certain deleted kiss surfaces in the sequel I’m praying for). What they did was tailor down the story to make it more self-contained, more refined, and more to the point so that it fit the medium and told they story it needed to tell while really letting us live inside Lara Jean’s head for a while.

But also, how much do you think Subway paid for that product placement?

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: The Book

You’ll have to excuse my copy of the book, for it has the leftover residue of a “soon to be a major motion picture” sticker that didn’t quite come off all the way. Switching gears, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han is just about everything you want in a YA read: a quirky, relatable (and diverse!) main character, a pseudo-love triangle with ~nuance~, and a family secret or two threatening to fracture some relationships when it erupts. I’d known about the book for a few years (thanks, Tumblr), and I made pretty short work of it once I actually had a copy in my hands. The romance arcs made it a page turner in a lot of ways, with the way they criss-crossed and changed shape and came to a heated point.

That being said, I found the book itself a little slow in places in terms of pacing. It’s on the longer end of the YA spectrum, and while I can’t say I ever lost interest, I got a twinge every now and then when I finished a chapter without learning anything new, per se.

My other issue had much ado about Margot, Lara Jean’s older sister, who, despite not being present for the majority of the story, never truly leaves us. I completely understand why Lara Jean thinks of Margot often: she misses her sister, is distressed about keeping the secret, and worries that she’s not ready to fill Margot’s shoes as a caretaker. But in the book, Lara Jean is so preoccupied with Margot that I have to admit that there were moments I was sick of hearing about her.

What I loved most about the books was that Lara Jean’s romance was surrounded by several subplots dealing with friends, family, responsibility, family, and growing up. While a movie only has so much time before it loses us to sleep or boredom, a book can go on, night after night, expanding the main character’s world that we’re lucky enough to be living in. In the book, we get to see a lot more of what Lara Jean’s mom, and her Korean culture, means to her. We also get to see a lot more of how her family has grown from the past until now, and how they’ve all taken on changes before and after Margot’s departure. And maybe the thing I was the most heartbroken about was the letter in Margot’s desk and all the implications it held. Lara Jean wasn’t the only one with a secret, and I love the complexity it added to the sisters’ relationship.

https://twitter.com/ivyjune12/status/1037856493410897920

If you’re wondering about that Tweet, I was quickly disappointed and then overcame it.

Moving on, I’d be so interested to see what more movies would do with the material we have, because there’s a choice to be made at this point: do they go back and pick up the conflicts they didn’t have time for the first time around, or do they move on to whatever new ideas are hidden inside books 2-3? No matter what happens, sequel or not, the movie has actually really nudged me towards picking up the rest of the series—something I wasn’t totally convinced (Peter Convince-sky? No, but A for effort) I’d do before.

2 Outfits Inspired by Lara Jean Covey

I saved this little bonus section for last, mostly just to amuse myself. It was impossible not to notice how amazing Lara Jean’s style was in the movie; every outfit was a SENSATION and I haven’t stopped thinking about a single one. So, for giggles, I dug around in my closet and came up with the two closest Lara Jean outfits I own.

https://twitter.com/gicatam/status/1035720646196510720

1. Skirts and Stripes

A tried and true Lara Jean combo, a button front skirt paired with a cute (often striped) top can be found during a few scenes in the movie, but I would say I came closest to the airport outfit. While my color scheme is off, the spirit is there: I even braided my hair as much as possible. Fun fact: I am a cartoon character who owns this shirt in two different colors, and these boots are old enough that I can ~almost~ call them vintage (not really).

2. The Pink Power Suit

All right, it’s not a suit, but the soft pink blazer paired with skinny black jeans and a black choker was almost certainly a confidence move for the first ride in Peter’s Jeep. I don’t wear this pink blazer enough, and I wasn’t sure if I’d love it with this outfit because it’s more of a salmon than a blush (I want to introduce my best friend Squidward to everybody in town wearing a salmon suit). Actually, this combo worked out surprisingly well, minus the fact that I’m wearing a literal shoe string as a choker.

Actually, I’ve left the house wearing it like that before, and I love it. Fight me.

^This is the best image I could find of this outfit and I’m bummed about it.

Lara Jean’s style is the perfect combination of vintage revival and current trends, which is really everything I want to be in my life. I’m already making my list of things I need to add to my own closet: a yellow beret, a lot more bomber jackets, a gorgeous red ballgown. Maybe by the end of autumn, I’ll have the full collection. From now on, every time I go shopping, I’m doing so with the motto: “What would Lara Jean wear?”

If you made it to the end of this post, I salute you. Know of any other books/movies with outfits I should try and copy?

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: Movie, Book, and 2 Lara Jean Outfits An exciting new review experience in three parts! It's gonna be a long one! It was only a matter of time until I addressed this elephant in the room: I'm a little bit obsessed with…

#Book Review #books #Movie Review #Movies #Outfits #Style

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brentwatchesmovies · 6 years

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Top 10 Movies of 2017

Another year is behind us, so that means it’s time for everyone’s ‘my favorite ________ of 2017’ lists. This year, I’m folding to peer pressure and changing the ‘top 8’ favorite movies to ‘top 10’ because honestly, there were too many awesome movies and I originally only did it because that’s how Tarantino narrowed his picks and I wanted to seem cool or something. (On a quick related note, I can’t believe this is my 8th year of doing one of these dumb things. Crazy.) On a personal level, 2017 has been a wild year for me. I got married to my best friend, started a much better and satisfying job, and found out we’re going to be parents this year. It’s going to be an incredibly busy and life-changing 2018, and I can’t wait for it.

In terms of the past year in cinema, it’s been amazing as well. I wanted to see as many movies as I could before finalizing my favorites, and was pretty successful, with a few exceptions. I wasn’t able to see Phantom Thread, The Post, The Florida Project, The Emoji Movie or Coco, to name a few (not seeing the new PTA and Spielberg movies before writing this KILLS me). A lot of the choices on my list might be predictable, especially if you follow me on Twitter, or read movie sites/blogs. Twitter has kind of taken over my actually writing posts for this blog anymore, and maybe one day I’ll get better at coming back here and putting thoughts down (probably not though). Like I’ve said in previous years, these really don’t have a ranking, unless I specify it’s my ‘favorite’ over the others. This is a 100% subjective list, based on an incomplete sampling. The movies listed below either moved me in a huge way, were a complete blast, and/or stayed with me long after I saw them. That’s enough preamble though, let’s get to my favorites of 2017!

In my eyes, this whole reboot-prequel-whatever trilogy is a cinematic miracle. This series, on it’s surface is a very campy, B-movie concept. What Rupert Wyatt and now Matt Reeves have done here is a staggering directorial achievement. This entry further fleshes out the already relatable and complex characters, and continues to add emotional depth that the originals could never even touch. In my eyes, this is what makes this the best movie trilogy since The Lord of the Rings. War Apes (what I find to be the best shorthand for this entry) is the ‘Return of the King’ equivalent of this trilogy. It takes Caesar’s story in darker, more unexpected places, and in a perfect world, would net Andy Serkis an Oscar nomination for best actor. If you’ve slept on this series because it seemed silly, or not really your jam, definitely take the time to catch up with it, it’s most definitely worth it.

This was one of the last movies I saw before making this post, and having just seen it a few days ago, it’s the movie I’ve been thinking about most. In a year that I think a lot of people would call ‘complete awful garbage’, (or something similar), Guillermo Del Toro’s love story of the ‘others’ in society; the forgotten and the disenfranchised, hits home. I’m still working through my thoughts on all of it, but it’s up there with my favorites of his filmography. I don’t think GDT has ever made a movie so unapologetically ‘him’. A sequence near the end of the movie is one of my favorite things I’ve seen all year, and I thought to myself during it that nobody other than this one enigmatic, creative and strange man could make something so unique and beautiful. This one definitely isn’t for everyone, but if you like GDT’s movies, I have a feeling you’ll be on board with this one as well.

From this point forward, if Taylor Sheridan has a new movie coming out, I’ll be there to see it. The previous writer of such films as Sicario and Hell or High Water makes his directorial debut with Wind River. It follows a standard neo-western trend of his previous films, but this time moving the story to snowy Wyoming. Setting the location on an American Indian reservation allows Sheridan to bring up timely themes as well, such as the incredibly high rate at which Native American women disappear on reservations, and how few are ever actually found. It’s an incredibly moving and intense story that plays out after the initial murder/mystery is established, going to some of the most intense places thematically that I’ve seen in a movie this year. The cast all around is stellar, and Jeremy Renner specifically has never been better than he is in this movie. If you’re a fan of neo-westerns or Sheridan’s other movies, Wind River is absolutely worth checking out.

I had been anticipating this movie since I heard about it, having been a huge fan of ‘The Indoor Kids’ podcast, hosted by Emily Gordon and her husband Kumail Nanjiani. It’s a video game podcast that they ended a few years back, but every now and then, they would hint at how they met. This movie is how their eventual marriage came to be, and it’s a beautiful love story, which just so happens to fit the mold of one of the best romantic comedies ever made. Not only is it a great comedy, but also dramatically complex due to Emily’s time spent in a coma at the beginning of their relationship and Kumail’s meeting of her two parents. Everyone in this movie gives it their all, with Ray Romano and Holly Hunter standing out as Emily’s parents. The movie also tackles what it’s like to be the child of an immigrant in America, and that perspective was fresh and eye-opening for a big Hollywood movie. This is definitely one to watch with the family.

*potential spoilers for mother!*

If you read my post I wrote about ‘Noah’, you’ll probably understand why I love this movie so much. This is the second film by Darren Aranofsky that explores the morality of not only God, but of the entire bible this time around. Something about that intent clicks with me. Maybe it’s being raised in church until my late teens or the religious cynic inside me, but I love when he tackles these issues. The fact that this religious interpretation is only one of many possible ways to read this movie is what makes it fascinating. Is it about climate change and how we’re destroying the earth? Is it a dramatization of the Bible and God’s relationship with humanity? Or is it about the relationship between artists, the things they create, and the audience? On top of these questions, Mother! Is beautifully shot, acted and constructed. I was pretty much in shock for the entire last third of the movie and that’s more than I can say for almost any movie I’ve seen this year.

Y’all probably knew this was coming, right? I’m so in the bag for Star Wars movies that any objectivity is completely out the window at this point. I also understand that many people REALLY do not like this movie, and I’ve been grappling with that and processing it since I saw the movie a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to see the movie a second time, so this is based entirely off my first time seeing The Last Jedi. This movie was everything I wanted and more. It absolutely has faults worth talking about, but to me, the highs of TLJ far outweigh the lows. There were moments in this movie that I yelled in joy, smiled ear to ear and also cried on numerous occasions. For the first time since watching the original trilogy as a kid, I felt like I was watching a true Star Wars movie, with the original series characters, and the great new ones established in VII as well. The prequels have their moments, and Rogue One and Force Awakens were fun diversions in fan fiction, but to me, this movie felt true to what I love about Star Wars. I can’t wait to watch it again.

Sometimes I just think to myself, “it’s really damn cool that I’m around at the same time as Christopher Nolan.” The guy will go down as an all-time great director, and I love that with Dunkirk he proved that he doesn’t need a high concept idea and a ton of exposition to sell it. All you need to tell a gripping story is a camera and a story with baked-in drama, like the evacuation of Dunkirk. The movie is almost a silent film with how little dialogue there is, relying solely on Hoyte van Hoytema’s beautiful cinematography and Nolan’s adherence to old-school film techniques, with as little CG as possible. Dunkirk makes for the most intense theater going experience I’ve probably had all year, and I fear that seeing it at home can never reach the levels of seeing it on the big screen. Regardless, Dunkirk is possibly Nolan’s best film yet, an exciting evolution of his directorial skill, and one of the best war films of all time.

In my opinion, there was no greater surprise at the theater this year than Jordan Peele’s ‘Get Out’. A social horror film in the vein of such classics as ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ and ‘The Step-ford Wives’, and on the same level of quality as well. I’d also have to say that Get Out epitomizes the state of our country the best of any other movie I’ve seen this year, perfectly nailing racial tensions much more nuanced than your typical racist-redneck-murder-family horror movies ever could. I rewatched the movie again over Christmas (this and the Witch make great Christmas movies btw) and it reaffirmed how tightly written, acted and directed it truly is. Every setup has a fulfilling payoff, every character a great/exciting/terrifying moment, and it has one of the most subversive, ingenious endings I’ve seen of this, or any year. Get out is a certified horror classic, and easily one of the best movies of the year.

Coming-of-age stories are very often ‘my jam’, as I’m sure you could surmise from any number of posts on here from the past. What I loved so much about Luca Guadagnino’s ‘Call me by Your Name’ is the sincerity and honesty in every one of the characters in the movie. The two leads (played by Timothée Chalamet and Armie Hammer) wear their hearts on their sleeves, and soon find themselves in a summer love affair. What this movie captures so well is that feeling of young ‘love’, or at least infatuation with amazingly believable ease. It also features a moment between Timothée Chalamet’s character and his father (played by the always great Michael Stuhlbarg) that crushed me. It hit me right in the nexus of all my dad baggage, past and present, and turned me into a weeping mess. I aspire to be the kind of loving, understanding and wise father that Timothée Chalamet’s character is blessed with in this movie.

Alright guys, time for my favorite movie of the year, and it’s easily Denis Villeneuve’s science fiction masterpiece: Blade Runner 2049. No movie transported me completely like this film did. The entire run time of the movie was almost like an out of body experience. It was surely aided by seeing it on the massive downtown IMAX screen, but when myself and a couple friends walked out of this movie, we were practically in shock. I’m sure I sound hyperbolic right now, but in my eyes this movie is a top-to-bottom cinematic masterpiece. It expands and even improves on themes and ideas that the first film only flirted with. It deepens the philosophy of the world in interesting ways, and does all this with a far more emotional core than the first ever had as well. I’d be remiss not talking about how beautiful this movie is as well. If Roger Deakins doesn’t win his first Cinematography Oscar for this film, somebody should get 25 to life. The second this movie ended, I knew it was my movie of the year, regardless of what else I saw in 2017. It’s a sequel for the ages, and a science fiction film that people decades from now will look back on with intrigue and wonder.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Thor Ragnarok

Brigsby Bear

Brawl in Cell Block 99

Okja

Baby Driver

Your Name

Logan

John Wick: Chapter 2

Spider-Man: Homecoming

I, Tonya

That’s going to do it for my top films of 2017, thanks so much for reading! If you have thoughts or opinions on my list, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook and let’s talk about them (unless it’s a bad Last Jedi take, those won’t do). It was incredibly hard to cut out some of the honorable mentions but overall I’m extremely happy with my list and all of the movies I was lucky enough to see this year (and lucky enough to have an awesome wife who understands and accepts my movie-going addiction!) Share this post with your friends if you’d like, and I hope you have a great 2018!

#movies #movie review #movie reviews #2017movies #film #blade runner 2049 #the shape of water #guillermo del toro #ryan gosling #the last jedi #reylo #star wars #get out #jordan peele #the big sick #kumail nanjiani #baby driver #thor ragnarok #margot robbie

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measured-words · 4 years

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Dreamwidth Update: Dream

I had a dream last night/this morning. I tried narrating it to a text to speech thing on my hone but all I got out of that was a Mess, so I'll try it here again. For context, I used to play percussion in a concert band and marching bands for yeaaaaaars, basically all the way up until I left Fredericton for good. In my dream I was in a marching band with a bunch of people that I knew. Somehow it came out that they were also in a concert band as well, and invited me to play even though I hadn't done anything like that in a while. There were a bunch of people I actually knew in my dream bu the only ones I can remember are my friend Gale and Kennesaw, ho both played percussion with me. Also there was at least one Matt, who was a tall skinny guy with curly brown hair down to his shoulders who might have been compiled from a few different people I actually know, or just a random dream figment. I knew him in my dream, though. ANYWAY, as with most of these things, I remember a lot of little details that I don't really know how to fit into a narrative, like how at first I thought they didn't have a base drum but then I saw it just wasn't set up, and stuff like that. We were supposed to be playing this piece and I said I could do the tympani. Only I'd gotten these bi-pride covers for them that were like flags that were supposed to go over the heads, as a surprise for Kennesaw, and I wanted to install it. It shouldn't have been difficult, but as is the way of dreams there were a bunch of stupid obstacles. At first no one could find the key, but it turned out these ones just had a slot in the top of the rod and could basic ally be turned with anything. They were like real tympani, in that the rods were weird - more like just regular bolts in some ways, and despite seeming to be in tune before I started, it turned out one of them was missing. I was messing around with all this stuff and not actually playing in the song and people who didn't know me thought I was just fucking around and didn't know what I was doing, including the conductor. At the end of the run through it turned out that there was someone outside the room (Matt! or *a* Matt anyway - it might have been a different Matt, possibly Kennesaw's brother) who was playing the part on the other set of tympani no one had told me about. So I wasn't contributing anyway and my efforts to put together the surprise were also thwarted and had to be abandoned. Also, my hands were hurting from playing the marching stuff we'd 'done earlier' (part of the dream backstory). Someone, maybe Gale, suggested we move on to a different piece so I could try something else. But they were playing base and Tall Matt was on snare and Kennesaw was doing something else? So all that was left was cymbals, which was a part they hadn't bothered with before. I was keen to do because I think there is a lot of cool nuance to playing the cymbals well that's not just loud clashing (although there is that when appropriate), but my hands were so sore I wasn't sure how long I could hold them effectively. I woke up before I got to pay anything though, because my hand was actually *really* sore from yard work yesterday and then I was sleeping on it badly. So I know where some of this comes from - I'd been talking to another friend online about my percussion background not too long ago and that's clearly still in my mind. Another friend was showing off a bi-pride horse blanket she got for riding and I'm assuming that's where that came from. The rest is more speculative, but maybe just a general sense of being underestimated and a general sense of frustration with circumstances that I think probably everyone is feeling at not being able to accomplish what we want. In other news.... yesterday was a really beautiful day and I spent a lot of it outside trying to work more on the yard. I picked up more trash out of the "compost pile". Which is the trash heap that the previous house owners weaseled out of having to clean up by bald face lying about what it was. Hot tip: neither plastic, glass, nor electronics are compostable. I also worked on cutting down scrub trees along the fence line - mostly hackberries. Some are growing into the freaking fence. Some could be just cut with pruning shears, but some need more serious treatment and I sawed off - thus my sore hands. If I'm being generous I got about a third of them done. The trees still need further thinning but if we do that it would need professionals again. We cut down all the manitoba maples last year and it made a big difference, but I'm realizing how much more work still needs to be done. Of course the same is true of the house itself.... we've done almost none of the stuff we talked about, lol. Which is exactly why I insisted on doing my room *before* I moved in... Anyway, other than yard work, I spent a lot of time playing with the new puppy, which he deeply appreciated :) He's 7 months old today! comments Comment? https://ift.tt/2VCHDFu

#crossposted #dreamwidth

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thesnhuup · 5 years

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Pop Picks – December 4, 2018

December 4, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Spending a week in New Zealand, we had endless laughs listening to the Kiwi band, Flight of the Conchords. Lots of comedic bands are funny, but the music is only okay or worse. These guys are funny – hysterical really – and the music is great. They have an uncanny ability to parody almost any style. In both New Zealand and Australia, we found a wry sense of humor that was just delightful and no better captured than with this duo. You don’t have to be in New Zealand to enjoy them.

What I’m reading:

I don’t often reread. For two reasons: A) I have so many books on my “still to be read” pile that it seems daunting to also reread books I loved before, and B) it’s because I loved them once that I’m a little afraid to read them again. That said, I was recently asked to list my favorite book of all time and I answered Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. But I don’t really know if that’s still true (and it’s an impossible question anyway – favorite book? On what day? In what mood?), so I’m rereading it and it feels like being with an old friend. It has one of my very favorite scenes ever: the card game between Levin and Kitty that leads to the proposal and his joyous walking the streets all night.

What I’m watching:

Blindspotting is billed as a buddy-comedy. Wow does that undersell it and the drama is often gripping. I loved Daveed Diggs in Hamilton, didn’t like his character in Black-ish, and think he is transcendent in this film he co-wrote with Rafael Casal, his co-star. The film is a love song to Oakland in many ways, but also a gut-wrenching indictment of police brutality, systemic racism and bias, and gentrification. The film has the freshness and raw visceral impact of Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing. A great soundtrack, genre mixing, and energy make it one of my favorite movies of 2018.

Archive

October 15, 2018

What I’m listening to:

We had the opportunity to see our favorite band, The National, live in Dallas two weeks ago. Just after watching Mistaken for Strangers, the documentary sort of about the band. So we’ve spent a lot of time going back into their earlier work, listening to songs we don’t know well, and reaffirming that their musicality, smarts, and sound are both original and astoundingly good. They did not disappoint in concert and it is a good thing their tour ended, as we might just spend all of our time and money following them around. Matt Berninger is a genius and his lead vocals kill me (and because they are in my range, I can actually sing along!). Their arrangements are profoundly good and go right to whatever brain/heart wiring that pulls one in and doesn’t let them go.

What I’m reading:

Who is Richard Powers and why have I only discovered him now, with his 12th book? Overstory is profoundly good, a book that is essential and powerful and makes me look at my everyday world in new ways. In short, a dizzying example of how powerful can be narrative in the hands of a master storyteller. I hesitate to say it’s the best environmental novel I’ve ever read (it is), because that would put this book in a category. It is surely about the natural world, but it is as much about we humans. It’s monumental and elegiac and wondrous at all once. Cancel your day’s schedule and read it now. Then plant a tree. A lot of them.

What I’m watching:

Bo Burnham wrote and directed Eighth Grade and Elsie Fisher is nothing less than amazing as its star (what’s with these new child actors; see Florida Project). It’s funny and painful and touching. It’s also the single best film treatment that I have seen of what it means to grow up in a social media shaped world. It’s a reminder that growing up is hard. Maybe harder now in a world of relentless, layered digital pressure to curate perfect lives that are far removed from the natural messy worlds and selves we actually inhabit. It’s a well-deserved 98% on Rotten Tomatoes and I wonder who dinged it for the missing 2%.

September 7, 2018

What I’m listening to:

With a cover pointing back to the Beastie Boys’ 1986 Licensed to Ill, Eminem’s quietly released Kamikaze is not my usual taste, but I’ve always admired him for his “all out there” willingness to be personal, to call people out, and his sheer genius with language. I thought Daveed Diggs could rap fast, but Eminem is supersonic at moments, and still finds room for melody. Love that he includes Joyner Lucas, whose “I’m Not Racist” gets added to the growing list of simply amazing music videos commenting on race in America. There are endless reasons why I am the least likely Eminem fan, but when no one is around to make fun of me, I’ll put it on again.

What I’m reading:

Lesley Blume’s Everyone Behaves Badly, which is the story behind Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises and his time in 1920s Paris (oh, what a time – see Midnight in Paris if you haven’t already). Of course, Blume disabuses my romantic ideas of that time and place and everyone is sort of (or profoundly so) a jerk, especially…no spoiler here…Hemingway. That said, it is a compelling read and coming off the Henry James inspired prose of Mrs. Osmond, it made me appreciate more how groundbreaking was Hemingway’s modern prose style. Like his contemporary Picasso, he reinvented the art and it can be easy to forget, these decades later, how profound was the change and its impact. And it has bullfights.

What I’m watching:

Chloé Zhao’s The Rider is just exceptional. It’s filmed on the Pine Ridge Reservation, which provides a stunning landscape, and it feels like a classic western reinvented for our times. The main characters are played by the real-life people who inspired this narrative (but feels like a documentary) film. Brady Jandreau, playing himself really, owns the screen. It’s about manhood, honor codes, loss, and resilience – rendered in sensitive, nuanced, and heartfelt ways. It feels like it could be about large swaths of America today. Really powerful.

August 16, 2018

What I’m listening to:

In my Spotify Daily Mix was Percy Sledge’s When A Man Loves A Woman, one of the world’s greatest love songs. Go online and read the story of how the song was discovered and recorded. There are competing accounts, but Sledge said he improvised it after a bad breakup. It has that kind of aching spontaneity. It is another hit from Muscle Shoals, Alabama, one of the GREAT music hotbeds, along with Detroit, Nashville, and Memphis. Our February Board meeting is in Alabama and I may finally have to do the pilgrimage road trip to Muscle Shoals and then Memphis, dropping in for Sunday services at the church where Rev. Al Green still preaches and sings. If the music is all like this, I will be saved.

What I’m reading:

John Banville’s Mrs. Osmond, his homage to literary idol Henry James and an imagined sequel to James’ 1881 masterpiece Portrait of a Lady. Go online and read the first paragraph of Chapter 25. He is…profoundly good. Makes me want to never write again, since anything I attempt will feel like some other, lowly activity in comparison to his mastery of language, image, syntax. This is slow reading, every sentence to be savored.

What I’m watching:

I’ve always respected Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, but we just watched the documentary RGB. It is over-the-top great and she is now one of my heroes. A superwoman in many ways and the documentary is really well done. There are lots of scenes of her speaking to crowds and the way young women, especially law students, look at her is touching. And you can’t help but fall in love with her now late husband Marty. See this movie and be reminded of how important is the Law.

July 23, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Spotify’s Summer Acoustic playlist has been on repeat quite a lot. What a fun way to listen to artists new to me, including The Paper Kites, Hollow Coves, and Fleet Foxes, as well as old favorites like Leon Bridges and Jose Gonzalez. Pretty chill when dialing back to a summer pace, dining on the screen porch or reading a book.

What I’m reading:

Bryan Stevenson’s Just Mercy. Founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, Stevenson tells of the racial injustice (and the war on the poor our judicial system perpetuates as well) that he discovered as a young graduate from Harvard Law School and his fight to address it. It is in turn heartbreaking, enraging, and inspiring. It is also about mercy and empathy and justice that reads like a novel. Brilliant.

What I’m watching:

Fauda. We watched season one of this Israeli thriller. It was much discussed in Israel because while it focuses on an ex-special agent who comes out of retirement to track down a Palestinian terrorist, it was willing to reveal the complexity, richness, and emotions of Palestinian lives. And the occasional brutality of the Israelis. Pretty controversial stuff in Israel. Lior Raz plays Doron, the main character, and is compelling and tough and often hard to like. He’s a mess. As is the world in which he has to operate. We really liked it, and also felt guilty because while it may have been brave in its treatment of Palestinians within the Israeli context, it falls back into some tired tropes and ultimately falls short on this front.

June 11, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Like everyone else, I’m listening to Pusha T drop the mic on Drake. Okay, not really, but do I get some points for even knowing that? We all walk around with songs that immediately bring us back to a time or a place. Songs are time machines. We are coming up on Father’s Day. My own dad passed away on Father’s Day back in 1994 and I remembering dutifully getting through the wake and funeral and being strong throughout. Then, sitting alone in our kitchen, Don Henley’s The End of the Innocence came on and I lost it. When you lose a parent for the first time (most of us have two after all) we lose our innocence and in that passage, we suddenly feel adult in a new way (no matter how old we are), a longing for our own childhood, and a need to forgive and be forgiven. Listen to the lyrics and you’ll understand. As Wordsworth reminds us in In Memoriam, there are seasons to our grief and, all these years later, this song no longer hits me in the gut, but does transport me back with loving memories of my father. I’ll play it Father’s Day.

What I’m reading:

The Fifth Season, by N. K. Jemisin. I am not a reader of fantasy or sci-fi, though I understand they can be powerful vehicles for addressing the very real challenges of the world in which we actually live. I’m not sure I know of a more vivid and gripping illustration of that fact than N. K. Jemisin’s Hugo Award winning novel The Fifth Season, first in her Broken Earth trilogy. It is astounding. It is the fantasy parallel to The Underground Railroad, my favorite recent read, a depiction of subjugation, power, casual violence, and a broken world in which our hero(s) struggle, suffer mightily, and still, somehow, give us hope. It is a tour de force book. How can someone be this good a writer? The first 30 pages pained me (always with this genre, one must learn a new, constructed world, and all of its operating physics and systems of order), and then I could not put it down. I panicked as I neared the end, not wanting to finish the book, and quickly ordered the Obelisk Gate, the second novel in the trilogy, and I can tell you now that I’ll be spending some goodly portion of my weekend in Jemisin’s other world.

What I’m watching:

The NBA Finals and perhaps the best basketball player of this generation. I’ve come to deeply respect LeBron James as a person, a force for social good, and now as an extraordinary player at the peak of his powers. His superhuman play during the NBA playoffs now ranks with the all-time greats, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, MJ, Kobe, and the demi-god that was Bill Russell. That his Cavs lost in a 4-game sweep is no surprise. It was a mediocre team being carried on the wide shoulders of James (and matched against one of the greatest teams ever, the Warriors, and the Harry Potter of basketball, Steph Curry) and, in some strange way, his greatness is amplified by the contrast with the rest of his team. It was a great run.

May 24, 2018

What I’m listening to:

I’ve always liked Alicia Keys and admired her social activism, but I am hooked on her last album Here. This feels like an album finally commensurate with her anger, activism, hope, and grit. More R&B and Hip Hop than is typical for her, I think this album moves into an echelon inhabited by a Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On or Beyonce’s Formation. Social activism and outrage rarely make great novels, but they often fuel great popular music. Here is a terrific example.

What I’m reading:

Colson Whitehead’s Underground Railroad may be close to a flawless novel. Winner of the 2017 Pulitzer, it chronicles the lives of two runaway slaves, Cora and Caeser, as they try to escape the hell of plantation life in Georgia. It is an often searing novel and Cora is one of the great heroes of American literature. I would make this mandatory reading in every high school in America, especially in light of the absurd revisionist narratives of “happy and well cared for” slaves. This is a genuinely great novel, one of the best I’ve read, the magical realism and conflating of time periods lifts it to another realm of social commentary, relevance, and a blazing indictment of America’s Original Sin, for which we remain unabsolved.

What I’m watching:

I thought I knew about The Pentagon Papers, but The Post, a real-life political thriller from Steven Spielberg taught me a lot, features some of our greatest actors, and is so timely given the assault on our democratic institutions and with a presidency out of control. It is a reminder that a free and fearless press is a powerful part of our democracy, always among the first targets of despots everywhere. The story revolves around the legendary Post owner and D.C. doyenne, Katharine Graham. I had the opportunity to see her son, Don Graham, right after he saw the film, and he raved about Meryl Streep’s portrayal of his mother. Liked it a lot more than I expected.

April 27, 2018

What I’m listening to:

I mentioned John Prine in a recent post and then on the heels of that mention, he has released a new album, The Tree of Forgiveness, his first new album in ten years. Prine is beloved by other singer songwriters and often praised by the inscrutable God that is Bob Dylan. Indeed, Prine was frequently said to be the “next Bob Dylan” in the early part of his career, though he instead carved out his own respectable career and voice, if never with the dizzying success of Dylan. The new album reflects a man in his 70s, a cancer survivor, who reflects on life and its end, but with the good humor and empathy that are hallmarks of Prine’s music. “When I Get To Heaven” is a rollicking, fun vision of what comes next and a pure delight. A charming, warm, and often terrific album.

What I’m reading:

I recently read Min Jin Lee’s Pachinko, on many people’s Top Ten lists for last year and for good reason. It is sprawling, multi-generational, and based in the world of Japanese occupied Korea and then in the Korean immigrant’s world of Oaska, so our key characters become “tweeners,” accepted in neither world. It’s often unspeakably sad, and yet there is resiliency and love. There is also intimacy, despite the time and geographic span of the novel. It’s breathtakingly good and like all good novels, transporting.

What I’m watching:

I adore Guillermo del Toro’s 2006 film, Pan’s Labyrinth, and while I’m not sure his Shape of Water is better, it is a worthy follow up to the earlier masterpiece (and more of a commercial success). Lots of critics dislike the film, but I’m okay with a simple retelling of a Beauty and the Beast love story, as predictable as it might be. The acting is terrific, it is visually stunning, and there are layers of pain as well as social and political commentary (the setting is the US during the Cold War) and, no real spoiler here, the real monsters are humans, the military officer who sees over the captured aquatic creature. It is hauntingly beautiful and its depiction of hatred to those who are different or “other” is painfully resonant with the time in which we live. Put this on your “must see” list.

March 18, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Sitting on a plane for hours (and many more to go; geez, Australia is far away) is a great opportunity to listen to new music and to revisit old favorites. This time, it is Lucy Dacus and her album Historians, the new sophomore release from a 22-year old indie artist that writes with relatable, real-life lyrics. Just on a second listen and while she insists this isn’t a break up record (as we know, 50% of all great songs are break up songs), it is full of loss and pain. Worth the listen so far. For the way back machine, it’s John Prine and In Spite of Ourselves (that title track is one of the great love songs of all time), a collection of duets with some of his “favorite girl singers” as he once described them. I have a crush on Iris Dement (for a really righteously angry song try her Wasteland of the Free), but there is also EmmyLou Harris, the incomparable Dolores Keane, and Lucinda Williams. Very different albums, both wonderful.

What I’m reading:

Jane Mayer’s New Yorker piece on Christopher Steele presents little that is new, but she pulls it together in a terrific and coherent whole that is illuminating and troubling at the same time. Not only for what is happening, but for the complicity of the far right in trying to discredit that which should be setting off alarm bells everywhere. Bob Mueller may be the most important defender of the democracy at this time. A must read.

What I’m watching:

Homeland is killing it this season and is prescient, hauntingly so. Russian election interference, a Bannon-style hate radio demagogue, alienated and gun toting militia types, and a president out of control. It’s fabulous, even if it feels awfully close to the evening news.

March 8, 2018

What I’m listening to:

We have a family challenge to compile our Top 100 songs. It is painful. Only 100? No more than three songs by one artist? Wait, why is M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” on my list? Should it just be The Clash from whom she samples? Can I admit to guilty pleasure songs? Hey, it’s my list and I can put anything I want on it. So I’m listening to the list while I work and the song playing right now is Tom Petty’s “The Wild One, Forever,” a B-side single that was never a hit and that remains my favorite Petty song. Also, “Evangeline” by Los Lobos. It evokes a night many years ago, with friends at Pearl Street in Northampton, MA, when everyone danced well past 1AM in a hot, sweaty, packed club and the band was a revelation. Maybe the best music night of our lives and a reminder that one’s 100 Favorite Songs list is as much about what you were doing and where you were in your life when those songs were playing as it is about the music. It’s not a list. It’s a soundtrack for this journey.

What I’m reading:

Patricia Lockwood’s Priestdaddy was in the NY Times top ten books of 2017 list and it is easy to see why. Lockwood brings remarkable and often surprising imagery, metaphor, and language to her prose memoir and it actually threw me off at first. It then all became clear when someone told me she is a poet. The book is laugh aloud funny, which masks (or makes safer anyway) some pretty dark territory. Anyone who grew up Catholic, whether lapsed or not, will resonate with her story. She can’t resist a bawdy anecdote and her family provides some of the most memorable characters possible, especially her father, her sister, and her mother, who I came to adore. Best thing I’ve read in ages.

What I’m watching:

The Florida Project, a profoundly good movie on so many levels. Start with the central character, six-year old (at the time of the filming) Brooklynn Prince, who owns – I mean really owns – the screen. This is pure acting genius and at that age? Astounding. Almost as astounding is Bria Vinaite, who plays her mother. She was discovered on Instagram and had never acted before this role, which she did with just three weeks of acting lessons. She is utterly convincing and the tension between the child’s absolute wonder and joy in the world with her mother’s struggle to provide, to be a mother, is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. Willem Dafoe rightly received an Oscar nomination for his supporting role. This is a terrific movie.

February 12, 2018

What I’m listening to:

So, I have a lot of friends of age (I know you’re thinking 40s, but I just turned 60) who are frozen in whatever era of music they enjoyed in college or maybe even in their thirties. There are lots of times when I reach back into the catalog, since music is one of those really powerful and transporting senses that can take you through time (smell is the other one, though often underappreciated for that power). Hell, I just bought a turntable and now spending time in vintage vinyl shops. But I’m trying to take a lesson from Pat, who revels in new music and can as easily talk about North African rap music and the latest National album as Meet the Beatles, her first ever album. So, I’ve been listening to Kendrick Lamar’s Grammy winning Damn. While it may not be the first thing I’ll reach for on a winter night in Maine, by the fire, I was taken with it. It’s layered, political, and weirdly sensitive and misogynist at the same time, and it feels fresh and authentic and smart at the same time, with music that often pulled me from what I was doing. In short, everything music should do. I’m not a bit cooler for listening to Damn, but when I followed it with Steely Dan, I felt like I was listening to Lawrence Welk. A good sign, I think.

What I’m reading:

I am reading Walter Isaacson’s new biography of Leonardo da Vinci. I’m not usually a reader of biographies, but I’ve always been taken with Leonardo. Isaacson does not disappoint (does he ever?), and his subject is at once more human and accessible and more awe-inspiring in Isaacson’s capable hands. Gay, left-handed, vegetarian, incapable of finishing things, a wonderful conversationalist, kind, and perhaps the most relentlessly curious human being who has ever lived. Like his biographies of Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein, Isaacson’s project here is to show that genius lives at the intersection of science and art, of rationality and creativity. Highly recommend it.

What I’m watching:

We watched the This Is Us post-Super Bowl episode, the one where Jack finally buys the farm. I really want to hate this show. It is melodramatic and manipulative, with characters that mostly never change or grow, and it hooks me every damn time we watch it. The episode last Sunday was a tear jerker, a double whammy intended to render into a blubbering, tissue-crumbling pathetic mess anyone who has lost a parent or who is a parent. Sterling K. Brown, Ron Cephas Jones, the surprising Mandy Moore, and Milo Ventimiglia are hard not to love and last season’s episode that had only Brown and Cephas going to Memphis was the show at its best (they are by far the two best actors). Last week was the show at its best worst. In other words, I want to hate it, but I love it. If you haven’t seen it, don’t binge watch it. You’ll need therapy and insulin.

January 15, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Drive-By Truckers. Chris Stapleton has me on an unusual (for me) country theme and I discovered these guys to my great delight. They’ve been around, with some 11 albums, but the newest one is fascinating. It’s a deep dive into Southern alienation and the white working-class world often associated with our current president. I admire the willingness to lay bare, in kick ass rock songs, the complexities and pain at work among people we too quickly place into overly simple categories. These guys are brave, bold, and thoughtful as hell, while producing songs I didn’t expect to like, but that I keep playing. And they are coming to NH.

What I’m reading:

A textual analog to Drive-By Truckers by Chris Stapleton in many ways is Tony Horowitz’s 1998 Pulitzer Prize winning Confederates in the Attic. Ostensibly about the Civil War and the South’s ongoing attachment to it, it is prescient and speaks eloquently to the times in which we live (where every southern state but Virginia voted for President Trump). Often hilarious, it too surfaces complexities and nuance that escape a more recent, and widely acclaimed, book like Hillbilly Elegy. As a Civil War fan, it was also astonishing in many instances, especially when it blows apart long-held “truths” about the war, such as the degree to which Sherman burned down the south (he did not). Like D-B Truckers, Horowitz loves the South and the people he encounters, even as he grapples with its myths of victimhood and exceptionalism (and racism, which may be no more than the racism in the north, but of a different kind). Everyone should read this book and I’m embarrassed I’m so late to it.

What I’m watching:

David Letterman has a new Netflix show called “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction” and we watched the first episode, in which Letterman interviewed Barack Obama. It was extraordinary (if you don’t have Netflix, get it just to watch this show); not only because we were reminded of Obama’s smarts, grace, and humanity (and humor), but because we saw a side of Letterman we didn’t know existed. His personal reflections on Selma were raw and powerful, almost painful. He will do five more episodes with “extraordinary individuals” and if they are anything like the first, this might be the very best work of his career and one of the best things on television.

December 22, 2017

What I’m reading:

Just finished Sunjeev Sahota’s Year of the Runaways, a painful inside look at the plight of illegal Indian immigrant workers in Britain. It was shortlisted for 2015 Man Booker Prize and its transporting, often to a dark and painful universe, and it is impossible not to think about the American version of this story and the terrible way we treat the undocumented in our own country, especially now.

What I’m watching:

Season II of The Crown is even better than Season I. Elizabeth’s character is becoming more three-dimensional, the modern world is catching up with tradition-bound Britain, and Cold War politics offer more context and tension than we saw in Season I. Claire Foy, in her last season, is just terrific – one arched eye brow can send a message.

What I’m listening to:

A lot of Christmas music, but needing a break from the schmaltz, I’ve discovered Over the Rhine and their Christmas album, Snow Angels. God, these guys are good.

November 14, 2017

What I’m watching:

Guiltily, I watch the Patriots play every weekend, often building my schedule and plans around seeing the game. Why the guilt? I don’t know how morally defensible is football anymore, as we now know the severe damage it does to the players. We can’t pretend it’s all okay anymore. Is this our version of late decadent Rome, watching mostly young Black men take a terrible toll on each other for our mere entertainment?

What I’m reading:

Recently finished J.G. Ballard’s 2000 novel Super-Cannes, a powerful depiction of a corporate-tech ex-pat community taken over by a kind of psychopathology, in which all social norms and responsibilities are surrendered to residents of the new world community. Kept thinking about Silicon Valley when reading it. Pretty dark, dystopian view of the modern world and centered around a mass killing, troublingly prescient.

What I’m listening to:

Was never really a Lorde fan, only knowing her catchy (and smarter than you might first guess) pop hit “Royals” from her debut album. But her new album, Melodrama, is terrific and it doesn’t feel quite right to call this “pop.” There is something way more substantial going on with Lorde and I can see why many critics put this album at the top of their Best in 2017 list. Count me in as a huge fan.

November 3, 2017

What I’m reading: Just finished Celeste Ng’s Little Fires Everywhere, her breathtakingly good second novel. How is someone so young so wise? Her writing is near perfection and I read the book in two days, setting my alarm for 4:30AM so I could finish it before work.

What I’m watching: We just binge watched season two of Stranger Things and it was worth it just to watch Millie Bobbie Brown, the transcendent young actor who plays Eleven. The series is a delightful mash up of every great eighties horror genre you can imagine and while pretty dark, an absolute joy to watch.

What I’m listening to: I’m not a lover of country music (to say the least), but I love Chris Stapleton. His “The Last Thing I Needed, First Thing This Morning” is heartbreakingly good and reminds me of the old school country that played in my house as a kid. He has a new album and I can’t wait, but his From A Room: Volume 1 is on repeat for now.

September 26, 2017

What I’m reading:

Just finished George Saunder’s Lincoln in the Bardo. It took me a while to accept its cadence and sheer weirdness, but loved it in the end. A painful meditation on loss and grief, and a genuinely beautiful exploration of the intersection of life and death, the difficulty of letting go of what was, good and bad, and what never came to be.

What I’m watching:

HBO’s The Deuce. Times Square and the beginning of the porn industry in the 1970s, the setting made me wonder if this was really something I’d want to see. But David Simon is the writer and I’d read a menu if he wrote it. It does not disappoint so far and there is nothing prurient about it.

What I’m listening to:

The National’s new album Sleep Well Beast. I love this band. The opening piano notes of the first song, “Nobody Else Will Be There,” seize me & I’m reminded that no one else in music today matches their arrangement & musicianship. I’m adding “Born to Beg,” “Slow Show,” “I Need My Girl,” and “Runaway” to my list of favorite love songs.

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Bobby Warshaw: Your complete guide to the Week 27 MLS slate

August 31, 20181:53PM EDT

Matty D. had something pop up, so I’m filling in this week. He sent me a bunch of notes I’ll include throughout. Let’s do it…

Saturday’s slate

Seattle Sounders vs. Sporting Kansas City 4 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

If you were to pick a Western Conference Championship matchup based on form right now, this would be it. Seattle enter with a seven-game winning streak, tied for the longest run in the post-shootout era. Sporting head to CenturyLink Field with their own four-game winning streak on the line, plus a four-game shutout streak to go with it.

Seattle will win if…

Hold on, this one needs some lead-in.

I’ve written many words on my skepticism of the Sounders, but The Athletic’s Matt Pentz provided a great description of the Sounders and why their run can be continued:

It’s not complicated, but that’s also what may make it replicable. You can expect more of the same from Seattle on Saturday afternoon. Sporting try to use the ball more than anyone else in the league right now. The Sounders will be just fine with that. As Sporting connect their passes – and they have the highest pass-completion percentage in the league in 2018 – Seattle will trust that they can keep them out of the dangerous parts of the field. So…

If Seattle win the duels when KC do try to come central – Chad Marshall intercepts the crosses or Ozzie Alonso/Gustav Svensson track the SKC wingers when they cut in – Seattle should do to Sporting what they did with the seven before them.

Sporting will win if…

They effectively overload the wide channels. SKC will look to get a numerical advantage at the areas around the corner of the 18, the areas Seattle largely concede. Johnny Russell, Graham Zusi and Roger Espinoza will congregate and connect short passes to pull defenders out and then exploit the space. If SKC can be sharp in their movements when they start the overloads, they will get good looks on goal.

Montreal Impact vs. New York Red Bulls 7:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Montreal are holding on for dear life to the last playoff spot in the East. They are six points up on both Toronto FC, who have a game in hand, and D.C. United, who have three games in hand. The Impact only have one win in their last six, though, and haven’t exactly put up fortifications on the spot. Montreal are 5-5-2 against the West and 5-9-1 versus the East; they have all Eastern Conference opponents from here on out.

The Red Bulls enter the game trending the other way. They’ve only lost once in their last 10 and passed Atlanta at the top of the Supporters’ Shield standings with their victory over Houston on Wednesday. New York rested multiple starters – Bradley Wright-Phillips, Aaron Long, Kemar Lawrence, Daniel Royer and Kaku (and still won!) – on Wednesday, so they should be fresh for Saturday night.

Montreal will win if…

Saphir Taider can keep Montreal calm in the midfield. The Impact win the ball in their own defensive third more than anyone else in the league; the Red Bulls love to counterpress in their opponents’ half. Montreal will need to safely transfer the ball forward through or over the Red Bulls’ pressure. If Montreal can successfully do that, Nacho Piatti will have a lot of space to attack in the channels.

Red Bulls will win if…

They bring their A game. The Red Bulls are the superior team. If the Red Bulls don’t show up sleepy, they should win.

New England Revolution vs. Portland Timbers 7:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

New England are in a tailspin. They haven’t won since the start of July. With that said, they are still just four points behind Montreal (seriously) and the Revs have two games in hand. You’d feel really good about the Revs’ playoff hopes if not for this next part…

They have games at NYCFC, at LAFC, at Toronto and at Atlanta in their five games after this Timbers matchup. It feels like New England really, really, really need this home game to keep pace.

Portland almost found themselves in a similar tailspin, losing their last four, but found a win over a heavily-rotated TFC side on Wednesday. The Timbers returned to their conservative ways, conceding 55 percent possession at home to a Toronto 4-4-2 orchestrated by Liam Fraser. David Guzman played in the middle of Portland’s three defensive midfielders, with Diego Chara to the left and given a more attacking role.

Not sure about Savarese’s latest wrinkle of sending Chara wide, like Kante at Chelsea this season. Have to get Blanco combining with Powell more.

— Harrison Hamm (@harrisonhamm21) August 27, 2018

It worked on Wednesday as Chara scored the game-winning goal, but Doyle texted me during the game with a worthwhile question:

“I get why Portland is doing it – Chara is good going forward and Guzman/Paredes provide suitable deepest-midfielder options, but does it get the most out of Chara? And isn’t what’s best for Chara best for Portland?”

New England will win if…

They succeed at the one thing they are good at: turning Portland over in opportune spots. The jury’s back on whether New England can do anything else well (verdict: not really), so they better hope Plan A works on the day.

Portland will win if…

Don’t try to overplay in the midfield. The Timbers have tried to add attacking nuance recently to augment their defensive foundation. They’d like to be able to keep the ball more. But Gillette Stadium is the wrong place this season to work through those growing pains. If Portland care solely about beating the Revs on Saturday, they should bypass the Revs press and set up Diego Valeri, Samuel Armenteros and Sebastian Blanco to run at New England’s defenders.

Orlando City SC vs. Philadelphia Union 7:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Orlando played well for most of last weekend’s Heineken Rivalry Week game against Atlanta. Carlos Ascues made his Lions debut and looked solid at center mid. As Yoshi Yotun returns from suspension, I’ll be interested to see if Ascues moves to center back to partner Jonathan Spector. Will it be Spector and Ascues with Yotun and Uri Rosell at midfield, or Spector and Shane O’Neill behind Yotun and Ascues?

As Doyle said of the dilemma: “We could have legit arguments over how to best deploy the talent comprising that spine. And yes, ‘talent’ is the right word. Those aren’t air quotes. There are good players in there. So there’s reason for *cautious* optimism in Orlando.”

Philadelphia have won four straight and six of their last eight. It’s too early to say they’re definitely in the playoffs, but I suspect their discussions in the locker room now center around catching Columbus rather than avoiding the playoff line. Cory Burke has provided the perfect relentless, physical yang to Philadelphia’s possession-based ying; the Union have won seven of the eight games he’s started this year, and the Jamaican has scored in four of his last six starts.

Orlando will win if…

Dom Dwyer distresses Auston Trusty and Jack Elliott. The Orlando forward gave the Union center backs a nightmare last time these teams played.

For all of their success lately, we should still remember Philly’s foundation depends on a 20-year-old and a 23-year-old at center back. Who’s more stressful for a young defender to deal with – considering all factors, not just talent – than Dwyer?

Philadelphia will win if…

Trusty and Elliott handle Dwyer, because I’m fairly confident Philadelphia’s midfield, if they aren’t toast from the midweek game, will control the general proceedings of the game.

Columbus Crew SC vs. New York City FC 8 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Both teams enter this game limping a bit. Columbus have Philly breathing down their necks, just one point back, and NYCFC, who have only won once in the last five, have been drifting from the Supporters’ Shield race. Neither team is in danger of missing the playoffs but:

Red Bulls and Atlanta are pulling away from NYCFC, and the third seed in the East could end up playing a surging, fully-fit Toronto team in the first round of the playoffs.

Columbus are 8-2-3 at home compared to 3-6-4 on the road; Philly are 7-4-2 at home and 5-7-1 on the road…so being at home for that playoff matchup matters.

Columbus will win if…

Justin Meram creates goalscoring chances. We’ve seen Crew SC without Meram, and they are a solid fourth-place team. Meram offers the exact wide threat Crew SC were missing. But here’s something that Doyle sent me via Slack for you to ponder: “Is it an issue when Columbus start Meram and Pedro Santos, two wingers who cut inside and often make the field more narrow?”

NYCFC will win if…

This is probably the most difficult one to come up with this weekend. I’ve been racking my brain as if NYCFC are some mediocre team and they need to do something special to win. But I also think that’s because that’s the approach head coach Dome Torrent has taken recently. They’ve tried something new in just about every game, including a funky 3-4-3/3-5-2 against the Red Bulls last weekend.

Doyle: “They play to their talent. For whatever this malaise is – or tactical readjustment, or whatever – they’re still one of the most talented teams in MLS.”

FC Dallas vs. Houston Dynamo 8 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Dallas remain top of the West, but barely. They’re now under .500 since Mauro Diaz left (5-6-2) across all competitions. But it’s not the offense: It’s the defense that’s been a mess. They’ve conceded 24 goals in those 13 games, compared to just 12 in their previous 15. How does that happen?

I’m not really sure. Losing Diaz should have theoretically helped the defense, as almost anyone else would have offered more defensively. But maybe the Unicorn’s composure on the ball relieved pressure and gave the defense the necessary breathers?

Houston rested most of their team in the midweek game at Red Bulls. They have had a tough couple months, losing eight of their last nine games, but taking El Capitan would be a nice victory for the year. Since the teams tied 1-1 in the two meetings this season, the winner Saturday evening gets the cannon.

Dallas will win if…

Doyle: “It’s time for Oscar Pareja to break his Maynor Figueroa habit. Their current issues don’t all come down to one player, but soccer is a weak-link game. Strengthen that link, and there will be a butterfly effect across the rest of the XI.”

Houston will win if…

Doyle: “Is there any doubt that if Houston had just stuck with last year’s plan of “absorb and counter” they’d be in the playoffs? They crushed Atlanta & NYCFC doing that, but rather than embrace who they are they tried to be a possession team, which turned out to be a catastrophic failure.”

Houston will win if they don’t try to be the team that takes the initiative. One team is going to feast on the other’s mistakes; Houston needs to make sure they are on the right side of that.

Toronto FC vs. LAFC 8 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

The Bradley Bowl! If you haven’t been waiting for this, I don’t want to be friends with you.

Toronto lost 2-0 at Portland midweek but rested Sebastian Giovinco, Victor Vazquez, Gregory van der Wiel, Jonathan Osorio, Alex Bono and Drew Moor. Michael Bradley played center back against the Timbers but should return to the midfield against LAFC. Toronto made a bold decision to basically skip a game to increase their chances in this one.

If DC lose to Atlanta, MTL lose to RBNY and NE lose to NYCFC (all possible, if not probable), the playoff line for the East could be as low as 41 pts.

Who does that play into? pic.twitter.com/USlryBSuNA

— Tutul Rahman (@tutulismyname) August 30, 2018

I’m stoked to see how LAFC head coach Bob Bradley sets up the defensive scheme against his son. Supposedly nobody knows Michael better than his father, so will elder Bradley do something special against Michael? Will he have his midfielders press the TFC captain? WILL BOB PUBLICLY SHOW THAT HE THINKS MICHAEL’S SUSCEPTIBLE TO BAD TURNOVERS?! Will Bob man-mark Michael, similar to what Red Bulls did in the playoffs last year?

Beyond the allure of Bradley vs. Bradley, LAFC other have things they need to sort out, as well. Starting center back and captain Laurent Ciman transferred to French side Dijon this week. Ciman was key to everything Bradley was building. The Belgian was vulnerable to a gaffe every now and then, but his aggressiveness allowed LAFC to play the proactive, possession, counter-pressing style we’ve come to know.

Danilo Silva (whose status this week is questionable due to a muscular injury) is a good player, but can he play the same style as Ciman? Will Bradley be forced to adjust the things he seemed to be working so hard to build?

Toronto will win if…

Doyle: The Jozy/Giovinco pairing clicks. At this point it seems clear they’re mostly going to have to outscore teams, and if those two guys are out there together… yeah they can do that.

LAFC will win if…

Carlos Vela can get the ball to either side of Bradley. The likely TFC back four on Saturday won’t have had many minutes together this year. Moor only has one start since April. Nobody is better at picking apart gaps between defenders than Vela. Look for Diego Rossi and whoever starts at striker for LAFC to run diagonals across TFC’s back four to latch onto through balls.

Real Salt Lake vs. LA Galaxy 10 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Coming down the playoff stretch, teams look at the rest of the schedule and group games into three categories:

Games we need to win to achieve what we want (against the bad teams).

Games we probably won’t win so let’s assume we lose those (against the good teams).

Games we HAVE to win, because the opponent is near us in the table (six pointers!)

The RSL-Galaxy matchup falls into the third category. For my money, it’s one or the other for the last playoff spot in the West. RSL lead LA by three points heading into Saturday night, and that could be doubled or negated by the end of the evening.

RSL will probably need the win slightly more. They finish the season with Atlanta, SKC, Portland x2 as four of their last five. The Galaxy conclude with Vancouver, Minnesota, and Houston as three of their final four. Mike Petke’s group will want a cushion going into the final month.

RSL enter the game having won two on the bounce, while the Galaxy haven’t won in their last five.

RSL will win if…

Justen Glad learned the harsh lesson Zlatan taught him the last time the teams played.

It’s become pretty clear that if you slow down The Lion, you slow down the Galaxy. Glad has plenty of natural tools to be a great player, but he hasn’t filled out his body yet. Zlatan loves the headers on the back post. Is there anything Glad can do to stop them?

The Galaxy will win if…

The easy answer is, “don’t make bad defensive mistakes,” but I think it’s more than that against RSL at Rio Tinto Stadium. The Claret and Cobalt are 9-1-3 at home this year, so they have some things going for them.

Perry Kitchen needs to position himself well when the Galaxy have the ball so RSL can’t get on the run on counters. I’m not sure there’s anything the Galaxy will be able to do if Jefferson Savarino and Joao Plata get going.

Vancouver Whitecaps FC vs. San Jose Earthquakes 10 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Quiz: Of the top eight teams in the West, who has accumulated the most points in the last five games?

Yes, it’s Seattle. Then SKC. But after that? Not LAFC or Dallas or RSL. It’s Vancouver, who enter Saturday’s nightcap on a five-game unbeaten run and a point behind Seattle for the 6th playoff spot.

San Jose and Vancouver played last weekend and San Jose almost put a stop to things when they went up 2-0 in the first half, but then Vancouver showed their three pillars of success: set pieces, counterattacks and long balls. On Vancouver’s game-winning goal, the ‘Caps knocked a 60-yard ball straight over the Quakes defense. Had the Quakes never seen tape of Vancouver before?

It was a frustrating moment for a Quakes team that’s been okay lately. They’ve beaten Dallas twice and tied Toronto and RSL. Here’s a thing I’ve been thinking but have been scared to say out loud: Vako is actually pretty good.

If someone could get him to pass, he could be a good MLS attacker. Obviously it’s tough to get a 25-year-old to change his ways, but San Jose should give him a serious ultimatum for the last eight games of the season; if he listens, there’s something there for 2019.

Vancouver will win if…

They don’t allow the San Jose attackers to build any confidence. Vako, Danny Hoesen, Jahmir Hyka and Magnus Eriksson can all be pretty good when they get they confident. I’ll expect Felipe & Co. to do what Felipe & Co. due to keep the Quakes attackers from hitting a rhythm.

San Jose will win if…

They don’t give away set pieces in dangerous spots, let Vancouver run at them on bad turnovers, or allow Whitecaps attackers to run behind them.

Sunday’s clash

D.C. United vs. Atlanta United 7:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

You know what I really dislike? When we start to think a team is good, then said team loses two in a row.

D.C. stumbled hard against Philly, losing 2-0 at home on Wednesday. More than anything, and this may be more concerning than any other potential ailments given their schedule, D.C. looked tired. They didn’t have the same energy to their possession or pressing.

The Five Stripes enter Sunday’s game unbeaten in their last seven. They are on pace to surpass Toronto’s record-setting 2017 season. The only present hiccup? They are behind the Red Bulls in the standings heading into the weekend.

Atlanta United have a 28-3 advantage in the @SupporterShield race.https://t.co/sleIXJniGG

— Matthew Doyle (@MattDoyle76) August 28, 2018

D.C. United will win if…

The defenders make incredible last-second blocks. I’m not sure D.C. have the defending chops – they have one shutout since April! – to stop Atlanta from getting chances; the Black-and-Red tend to struggle when they sit in a lower block and they don’t appear to have the energy stores to press right now. But they do have talented defenders who might be able to intercede at the last second.

Atlanta will win if…

Ezequiel Barco links effectively with Josef Martinez and Miguel Almiron on the left side of the field. On the right, Tito Villalba has been tearing it up lately. Villalba has a goal or an assist in eight of Atlanta’s last 11 games. Behind Villalba, attacking from his new right back position, Julian Gressel has contributed 10 assists on the year, and one in each of the last two games. Atlanta have a crazy number of weapons. But Barco hasn’t contributed a goal or an assist in his last eight games.

If Barco hits his form going into the last couple months of the season, and Atlanta can balance their attack, the best defendings strategy against Atlanta might be “hope and pray.”

And one last thing…

Will Bruin is one of the gems of this league.

How awesome is @wbruin? His wife was apparently giving him crap about getting Cruyff’d by @ZarekValentin. So he asked us to make a Shooting Stars video. @MLSwatercolors couldn’t resist, even if it cost her a night of sleep. pic.twitter.com/0icFPB7pDd

— Sounder At Heart (@sounderatheart) August 30, 2018

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Bobby Warshaw: Your complete guide to the Week 27 MLS slate was originally published on 365 Football

#Bobby #complete #Guide #slate #Warshaw #week

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yasbxxgie · 7 years

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Why Do So Many Black Superheroes Have Electricity Powers?

Growing up as a kid who loved comic books, I spent many an afternoon running around the park pretending to be a superhero fighting all manners of evil. Fun as it was, the process of picking out which superhero I wanted to be always stressed me out for one particular reason that still bothers me to this day.

Back then, it felt odd flipping through my mental Rolodex of characters and realizing that, if I wanted to play as a black hero, it was almost guaranteed that I’d be doing jazz hands to simulate zapping people with lightning. See, there are a lot of black comic book characters with electricity-based superpowers. A lot.

Certainly, there are a number of differences between Storm, Black Lightning, (Black Lightning’s daughter) Lightning, Black Vulcan, Juice, Static, and Shango the Thunderer. But there’s also something about them all that feels derivative at best and stereotypical at worst, considering that the vast majority of the most popular black superhero characters were created by white men. (It’s worth pointing out that Black Vulcan was created by Hanna-Barbera for the Superfriends cartoon, which producers felt needed a black character even though Black Lightning already existed. It’s also worth pointing out Black Vulcan was created after Black Lightning’s creator Tony Isabella left DC over creative differences.)

The earliest black superheroes like Black Panther and Luke Cage crossed the comic book color line with their technology and super strength, but over the years, electrokinesis has seemingly become to go-to power black characters are most often assigned. But why?

In the fifth issue of Mark Waid and Peter Krause’s Irredeemable, Volt, a member of the book’s answer to the Justice League, apprehends a kidnapper while sheepishly admitting to the people around him that yes, he’s a black hero with electricity powers and yes, he knows that it’s a Thing™, and he’s kind of embarrassed about it.

While Volt’s powers are a playful jab at superhero comics as a whole, they do raise a number of questions about what it means exactly when creators choose to turn black characters into walking, talking batteries. Taken purely at face value, it’s not difficult to understand what makes electrokinesis popular with creators. For one thing, it can make for some of the most visually arresting art you can imagine, and with the right sort of creativity, electrokinesis can be used in a variety of novel, clever ways beyond simply discharging energy.

Writer Matt Wayne has helped give Milestone Media and DC Comics’ character Static his signature voice on a number of projects like the Static Shock animated series and various comics like Static and The Brave and the Bold: Milestone. When I spoke with Wayne recently, he assured me that, when creating a new character and deciding which powers they should have, every comics writer sits down and considers how similar their creation will end up to others that came before them.

Static’s powers, Wayne told me, were meant to be an extension of his geeky personality and the kinds of science fair projects he enjoyed working on. In other cases, though, Wayne reasoned that electrokinetic powers were the perfect way of having a black hero around who could participate in a fight, but not necessarily be the one to win the fight.

“I think maybe some of it is that these kinds of heroes are usually physically vulnerable. So they get their hits in and get taken out. There’s definitely an unconscious undercutting of black heroes, keeping them just shy of being a heroic ideal, that used to be more pronounced,” Wayne said. “In that vein, maybe electricity can be an unconscious expression of the hero’s ‘tamable’ nature?”

While it’s heartening to hear directly from a writer about how much thought they personally put into crafting a character’s identity, the point still stands that black heroes with electrical powers are an established trope.

Personally, the thing that’s always stuck with me about most black heroes with nature-based power sets is the very thin line writers and artists have to walk to make sure the character isn’t being depicted as a “savage.” The idea that black people are inherently closer to nature is one of the larger undertones to the problematic magical negro trope that many black characters are often hamstrung by.

The Black Electricity Trope reads like a distant cousin to the Magical Negro, in that they’re both established formulations of a character whose most defining qualities are a preternatural understanding and command of natural force.

It goes without saying that Storm is perhaps the most iconic example of a the Black Electricity Trope, but she’s also a character who’s transcended much of its limitations as a result of being written and depicted thoughtfully across a variety of different mediums. Storm isn’t just a black hero who throws lightning bolts, she’s one of the most complicated and nuanced comic book characters created in the past 40 years.

We’ve seen Storm as both a lethal weather goddess and a vulnerable human. She’s incredibly strong, but you always get the sense that at the center of whatever devastating weather phenomena she’s manifested, there’s a human who’s just as powerful even when she doesn’t have her powers.

It’s that sort of solid characterization and fleshing out of a personality, Wayne told me, that’s the key making sure that a character doesn’t become reduced to a two-dimensional stereotype.

“Know who your character is. Black Lightning wouldn’t defeat a villain the same way that Static would,” Wayne said. “Although, Black Vulcan’s approach would probably be indistinguishable from Black Lightning’s. The only difference would be who gets paid.”

#black superhero #black superheroes #black superheroine #black superheroines #storm #black lightning #lightning #black vulcan #juice #static #shango the thunderer #matt wayne #milestone media #dc comics #comic books

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thesnhuup · 6 years

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