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chiriwritesstuff · 4 months

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The Girl in IT - 3. Vroom Vroom

A Boss! Joel Miller x IT Specialist F! Reader AU

The LIST │ Series Masterlist

Chapter Rating: E (18+, MDNI)

Chapter Preview: "I want that Model X. Blacked out. The one that drives itself." He nods approvingly, not bothering to conceal his satisfaction. "Done. Anything else?" You can't help but scoff at the audacity. "Just like that?" "Just like that." "Come on, Joel. You don't just surprise employees with new cars out of the blue." "Well, lucky for you, you're not just any employee."

Chapter Warnings & Tags: No outbreak AU, Boss x Employee Relationship, Sugar Daddy Lite, Daddy Kink, Smut, SO MUCH SMUT, Age Gap, Praise kink, Overstimulation, Squirting, Older Man/Younger woman, So much dirty talk, DD/lg (kinda? they're both into it), Vaginal Fingering, Exhibitionism, No PIV (yet), Virgin Reader

Word Count: 6K

A/N & Chapter Notes: Two birthdays, ten years apart.

This is filthy, and I have no regrets.

Hope you enjoy!

Ten Years Earlier.

Joel lingers outside your house, the lively sounds of your 26th birthday party spilling into the night air through open windows. He adjusts the collar of his chambray button-down, opting for a change from his usual flannel attire. With his hair slicked back and facial hair neatly trimmed, he sighs, contemplating the small bouquet of sunflowers he acquired from a nearby florist.

His mind goes to the conversation he had with the florist earlier.

"Sunflowers? That's an interesting choice." The florist smiles, gently taking the flowers from his hand. "Did you need this wrapped? Maybe a bit of ribbon?"

Joel nods. "Please. It's for—"

The florist glances at him, a twinkle in her eyes as she observes his nervous demeanor. "Did you know that the sunflower symbolizes adoration? It's the perfect flower to give to someone you're interested in."

"Oh, it's nothing like that, It's for a... a friend. It's her birthday today."

The florist gives Joel a wry look. "If she's just a friend, might I suggest daisies? Surely they would be more appropriate and cheaper—"

Joel shakes his head. "The sunflowers," he motions to her hand. "Please."

He smiles at the memory, looking at the bouquet once more, knowing he made the right choice.

He spots you through the window, the vibrant yellow of your sundress gracefully accentuating your curves, creating an ethereal silhouette that seems to glow, like a beacon of light calling out to him. His breath catches in his throat as he watches you. A genuine laugh escapes you, a sound that always catches him off guard, echoing through the air with a light that he finds irresistible.

"Joel," your father approaches, his expression clearly showing his displeasure. "What are you doing here?"

"Hello Sir, Well, I'm here for a birthday party, and-" he lifts the invitation, "I believe I was invited."

"I can see that, but the question is why. Surely, a man of your age at a party filled with twenty-year-olds? Doesn't that seem... odd to you?"

"It's only odd if you make it odd, I reckon."

"Can I ask you a serious question? What are your intentions with my daughter?"

"Well, I would like to wish her a Happy Birthday, maybe eat a little cake-"

"... and how old are you, Joel? aren't you a bit bothered by the fact that your daughter is older than mine?"

"... well, she's not, sir." Joel smiles, "She's older than Sarah."

Unamused, your father continues. "I'm going to level with you. I'm not about to let my daughter be swept away by some middle-aged man barely scraping by." He shoots Joel a stern look, shaking his head in disapproval. "My daughter deserves the world, and quite frankly, I won't have her settle for someone beneath her. Not for some small-time contractor."

"Sir, that's not my intention at all. Sugar invited me, and-"

He shakes his head in disgust. "I think you should go, Joel. Take your flowers and go. You're lucky I let you still have this job."

Joel nods in defeat, his gaze lingering on you through the window. He takes a final appreciative look at you, radiant in your yellow dress, and offers a warm smile. Turning towards your father, he speaks with sincerity, "I apologize for any disturbance, sir." Joel strides purposefully towards his truck, adding, "Please convey my regrets to your wife."

Present day.

Joel: Hey Sugar, did you head out to the office yet? Sugar: Hi Mr. Miller, Good Morning! No, I haven't. Still getting ready. Should be heading out in 15. Did you need something? Did you get locked out of the company portal again? I told you that we change passwords every six months, I wrote it on a sticky note for you like you asked! Joel: No, Sugar, I haven't. It concerns me how little faith you have in me. I am not that hopeless! For your information, I am not in the office yet. Sugar: Oh? So it wasn't you and Ellie trying to figure out how you managed to print the printer manual ten times over last week? Joel: I'm sure that was Tommy, but it's ok, I forgive you. Anyway, does this mean you're still at home? Sugar: Sure, Joel. Ellie would say otherwise. Yes?? Joel: ??? Not sure if you're at home? Sugar: No. Yes. I'm at home. Joel: Good. I'm outside.

"Joel," you say, locking your front door, looking surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm kidnapping you for the day," Joel announces from his truck. "Thought I'd give you a ride to work." He winks as he exits out of the cab, wearing a chambray shirt and jeans instead of his usual work-issued flannel. It's a nice change, being that you didn't think the man owned anything other than flannels. "Come on, I've got coffee and donuts."

You give him a wry smile. "What if I'm not a coffee person?"

Joel presents a coffee to-go cup, a tea bag tag hanging out. "Lucky for you, I've got your favorite green tea."

"Smooth move, Miller," you grin, approaching him and planting a kiss on his cheek. "Very smooth."

"What can I say? I have excellent attention to detail, especially when it comes to you."

"Just not with computers, right?"

"Alright, alright, none of your teasing this morning, why don't you hop in," Joel grins, holding the passenger door open for you. You slide into the truck, still puzzled by his unexpected visit.

As he drives away, the scenery doesn't match the route to the office. You raise an eyebrow, looking at Joel with a playful smirk. "This doesn't look like the way to work. Where are we going?"

"Well, if I told you, then it would ruin the surprise, now would it?"

You snort. "What's happening today that's so important it warrants a surprise?"

Joel glances at you, a wide smile on his face. "A little birdy told me that it's someone's birthday today."

"Yeah and? It doesn't mean that we blow work off, I actually have a scheduled meeting with Tess today-"

"Fuck Tess."

You frown. "Joel, be serious."

"I am serious. I handled Tess. She's fine, don't you worry your pretty little head off, she's ok with pushing back to tomorrow."

You look at him warily, sighing. "I got a bad feeling about this."

Joel reaches over and kisses your forehead. "Don't frown, baby. None of that nonsense is allowed when we're together, okay? Just let me do something nice for you on your birthday. Nothing too crazy, promise."

"Why do I have the feeling that you don't mean that?"

Joel drives into the mall's parking lot, heading towards Neiman Marcus, driving into the nearest parking stall to its entrance.

He cuts the ignition to the truck. "OK, I don't promise. I intend on dragging you into the store whether you like it or not, sliding my shiny Amex to the first salesperson I see, and spoiling the absolute shit outta you. Do you have a problem with that, baby?"

"What if I allow you to spoil me from the comfort of the clearance rack?"

"Sorry to break it to you, baby, but this Amex won't work on anything discounted. Do you know what it means to have a black one of these?"

"That you have a big cock and an even bigger ego?"

"Funny. What it really means is that I can walk into one of them Tesla dealerships and buy you a Model X before you can ask me if I'm being serious." He takes your hand in his. "Because I am. Serious, that is."

You scoff, sinking further into your seat. "You're not going to buy me a Tesla."

He laughs. "Maybe, maybe not. I do know you need a new car, and I know one thing for sure—" He gives you a wry smile as he lifts your chin to face him. "There's no way in hell I'm going to let you drive that damn death trap anymore, Sugar."

"Hey! I'll have you know, I've had that death trap since college, it's the first thing I bought without my father's money!" you huff, "Now that I'm not in the ninth layer of Hell at Best Buy anymore, I can finally afford to buy myself a car. You know, something sensible, like a Kia."

"A Kia? Baby... only more reason for me to buy you a new car. Tell me, if you could have any car, money, and cost be dammed, what would it be? Sky's the limit."

"Seriously?"

He leans in, eyes challenging. "Try me."

"I want that Model X. Blacked out. The one that drives itself."

He nods approvingly, not bothering to conceal his satisfaction. "Done. Anything else?"

You can't help but scoff at the audacity. "Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Come on, Joel. You don't just surprise employees with new cars out of the blue."

"Well, lucky for you, you're not just any employee."

A smile tugs at your lips, appreciating the unexpected attention. "Really?" you playfully inquire. "So, I'm more than just a random employee, huh?"

Joel gently caresses your chin, offering a small, satisfied smirk.

"No, Sugar, you're not just some random employee," he declares, pressing a chaste kiss on your lips. "You're everything."

"You don't mean that—" you stutter, "Joel, what's going on? Why are you doing this? I'm not someone to be bought or bribed like I'm some sugar baby. I liked you back then, before all of this—"

"When I had nothing? When my company was still in the red, when your father's job was the only one turning a profit," he peers down at you. "What if I told you that I wouldn't be in this position if it weren't for you? If your father didn't talk some sense into me all those years ago, I wouldn't have worked my ass off to get where I am now."

Your eyes narrow. "What are you talking about?"

Joel lets out a heavy sigh, his gaze intense. "Your father made it clear back then that I wasn't good enough for you. He didn't think I was the right fit for you. He did me a favor if I think about it now. It was your father's skepticism that fueled my determination to prove him wrong, to build something from the ground up."

Your mind races, trying to grasp the weight of his revelation. "But why keep it a secret? Why now? You didn't give me any signs that you were interested in me, I even invited you to my birthday party, which you didn't even bother showing up to!"

Joel winces. "Yeah, about that-"

Your face softens. "Wait, Joel, the sunflowers?"

"Your father made sure to point out the inappropriateness of a middle-aged man attending a party full of co-eds. Thinking about it, it wouldn't have been a good look, especially since I couldn't take my eyes off of you, wearing that yellow dress… I was enchanted by you, baby girl."

You blush, smacking his shoulder. "Oh, that dress was horrendous. My mom made me wear it!"

"Well, remind me to thank your mom for giving me the mental image I've had of you all these years."

"You know, that explains why the sunflowers were in the trash can, I thought it was so odd! They were beautiful, by the way. I snuck them out and kept them in my room, you know." You shake your head. "I can't believe my dad would do something like this. I hate that I stuck around for so long. I wish I knew, Joel. Back then. You were the only person I looked forward to coming that night, and when you didn't, I thought-"

"Well, I was there, baby."

"… but you didn't stay! How was I supposed to know?!"

He runs a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "I didn't want you to feel like you were settling or that my feelings were tied to any of this. I needed to prove myself first. I didn't want you to think I was using you or that I wasn't good enough for you."

A mix of emotions swirls within you—surprise, confusion, and a hint of realization. "Joel, I had no idea. But why go to such lengths now? Buying me a car, showering me with gifts?"

He looks into your eyes, his expression sincere. "Because, despite everything, my feelings for you have always been genuine. I wanted you to see that I can give you the life you deserve and that I've overcome the doubts from back then. I had nothing to give to you back then, hell, I was being eaten alive by debt, I couldn't put Sarah through college - she worked her ass off trying to get as many scholarships as she could on her own. I wasn't in a position to make you mine, not yet."

"Joel," you say, taking his face in your hands, a sad smile on your face. "Do you think I care about all of this? I would have been with you then, all you had to do was ask."

"Well, I'm asking you now. Will you let me make up for missing your birthday all those years ago up to you?"

You give him a small smile. "Okay."

Joel breathes a sigh of relief. "Okay. Now, get out of the truck and into the store. That's an order."

You share a playful eye roll before complying, opening the truck door, and stepping into the crisp air outside. The familiar chime of the entrance doors signals your arrival at Neiman Marcus.

Joel walks beside you, his arm casually draped around your shoulders as you both make your way into the store. The ambiance of luxury surrounds you, and the scent of high-end perfumes lingers in the air. You can't help but marvel at the elegant displays showcasing the latest in fashion and accessories, the air smelling distinctively expensive and high class, something you would never associate yourself with.

"So, what's the plan?" you ask, hesitation evident in your voice.

Joel grins, steering you towards the women's clothing section. "I'm looking for just the right-" he stops midsentence, his eyes locking onto the stylishly dressed woman lying in wait for her next victim.

"Lenore!" he shouts, "Just the person I was hoping to find."

"Mr. Miller! What a delightful surprise," the saleswoman exclaims, her face lighting up. "What brings you here? how are your girls?"

"They're doing fine, thank you for asking."

"... and who is this pretty baby peeking out from behind you?" she asks, casting a warm smile your way. You instinctively recoil at the unexpected attention, a familiar sensation from the years spent trailing your mother at Neiman’s, deliberately making yourself inconspicuous to deter any unwanted conversations. It felt safer that way, you reflect, offering Lenore a slight smile. "There's our lovely girl. No need to hide behind this old dog; you're far more interesting to look at than he is!"

"Lenore, allow me to introduce you to someone very special—this is Sugar," Joel says with a proud smile, gesturing towards you.

"Sugar, what a sweet name! Pleasure to meet you," Lenore responds, extending a hand in a friendly gesture.

The tension from earlier begins to dissipate as you shake Lenore's hand and manage a genuine smile. "Nice to meet you too, Lenore."

"Sugar, why don't you take a look at the clothes over there and let me talk business with Lenore for a second?" You raise your eyebrows in suspicion, "Maybe you'll see something you like?"

Joel, his eyes gleaming with excitement, leans in and whispers, "Lenore, today is no ordinary day. It's Sugar's birthday, and I'm in the mood to make it special for her. We're going to be spending an obscene amount of money today, so I hope you're ready. You got your work cut out for you, I promise you that."

"Nothing can be as worse than the time I tried to convince Ellie to wear a gown for the prom last year," she winces, "Sorry about that again, Mr. Miller." She slides up beside Joel, flashing him a knowing smirk. "How obscene are we talking?"

Joel hands over his sleek black Amex, and Lenore's eyes widen in surprise. "Obscene. Don't let her talk you out of something because of the price, hell, rip off the damn tags if you have to." He steals a quick glance back at you, a vision standing amongst the designer goods, a subtle smile on his face. He glances at Lenore once more. "Do we have an understanding?"

The saleswoman nods her head frantically, pocketing the Amex in her pocket, the weight of it making an indentation through her blazer. "Understood, Mr. Miller. I'll fetch you a coffee and set up a seat for you in her dressing room. Is there anything else?

Joel nods. "Yeah. Do your worst, Lenore."

Lenore gives Joel one last look as she heads towards you, not hiding the fact that you look like a deer caught in the headlights. She places a hand on the small of your back. "Come along dear, we're on a mission." She gives you a conspiratorial smile. "You're in desperate need of Celine."

Lenore scrutinizes you for a moment, gently lifting your arms to assess your form. "I take it you're a size 10?"

Surprised, you ask, "How did you know?"

"Honey, I've been here for the last twenty years. Not only can I tell your dress and bra size, but I've also mastered the subtle art of reading people." She confidently places her hands on your hips, nodding to herself. "People are not as secretive as they think. I can dissect their entire life story the moment they walk in the door."

Curious, you inquire, "Oh? And what conclusion did you make about me?"

Lenore begins rifling through the racks, selecting a few monochromatic pieces. "Well, you seem to go through life trying to hide yourself."

"Is it that obvious?" you ask with a hint of self-awareness.

Lenore continues her assessment, her experienced eyes scanning the clothing options she's pulled out. "You go through life trying to hide yourself," she repeats, her tone thoughtful. "But, sweetheart, hiding doesn't mean you're weak or scared. It means you've faced challenges, learned to protect yourself."

She steps back, considering you with a knowing gaze. "We all wear different masks, dear. It's just a matter of finding the one that feels right for the occasion. Now, tell me, what's the story behind the layers you've wrapped yourself in?"

"Well..." you bite your lip thoughtfully, "Today is my 36th birthday. My mom, she had me when she was 26. By the time she was my age, she had her whole life figured out - the husband, the kid, the house. I remember thinking how much I wanted that for myself, how I thought my life would go... and now, at 36," you pause, sighing, "I don't have any of that. I'm not married, I don't have any kids, and I rent an absurdly overpriced shoebox that I share with my cat," you softly chuckle to yourself.

"It's not like I haven't tried to put myself out there. I have—met a few people, went on a couple of dates, which—I felt like wasn't terrible, you know?" You admire a sheath dress on the rack, adding it to the growing pile of pieces Lenore has accumulated. "...but it was always just a first date, and then rejection, maybe if they were kind, but most of the time I never hear from them again. After a while, after I hit 30, I just... stopped. I stopped trying to put myself out there. It's exhausting, and I can't keep wondering what makes me so undesirable."

"Sometimes... Sometimes I feel like I'm defective, too broken for anyone, not good enough to have the kind of life I want."

"Sweetheart, life rarely follows the script we write for it. Comparing your journey to your mother's or anyone else's is like comparing apples to oranges. Each story is unique, and yours is still unfolding," she reassures you.

She continues sorting through the clothes, selecting pieces that seem to resonate with your style. "Now, about those layers you wear," she begins, her focus returning to the task at hand. "Perhaps it's time to shed the expectations and judgments, not just from others but also from yourself. These layers, they're not defects; they're experiences that have shaped you."

Lenore hands you a beautifully tailored blazer and nods approvingly. "Try this on. Let's see how it feels."

As you slip into the blazer, Lenore continues, "You deserve a life that brings you joy, and that starts with accepting yourself. When you embrace who you are, others will too. It's not about being 'good enough'; it's about being authentically you."

Lenore, her hands expertly moving through the racks, pauses for a moment, her gaze thoughtful. "And what about Mr. Miller?" she asks with a knowing smile. "There's a story there too, isn't it?"

You glance at her, surprised by her perceptiveness. "Joel? Well, we've known each other for ten years, but we've only worked together for six months. There's nothing more to it than that."

Lenore raises an eyebrow. "Sweetheart, I've been around enough to recognize when there's something more. The way he looks at you, the way he cares—it goes beyond the confines of a professional relationship."

You hesitate, unsure of how to respond. Lenore gently continues, "I've seen people in love, and I've seen people trying to hide it. Joel's got a soft spot for you, dear. It's written all over him."

"Is it? because with my track record, all it feels like is me waiting for the other shoe to drop. I like him... I've liked him", you correct yourself, "...for a very long time. I tried to put myself out there to him back then, only for him to reject me. What makes me different now? What didn't I have then?"

Lenore listens attentively, her gaze filled with compassion. "Sweetheart, people change, circumstances change. What may not have worked before doesn't define your worth or potential now. Maybe back then, Joel wasn't ready or didn't see what was right in front of him. It doesn't mean you lacked anything—it just wasn't the right time."

She pauses, choosing her words carefully. "Love can be messy, complicated, and unpredictable. But if you feel something for Joel, and there's a chance he feels the same now, it's worth exploring. Give yourself permission to embrace the present without being burdened by the past." She gives you one last smile, her tiny frame effortlessly handling the mountain of clothes with an ease that comes with her years of experience. "Come on, we can't leave Mr. Miller waiting. He's already waiting for you in your dressing room."

Joel is already seated in the room one would call a dressing room, a vast space encapsulated by mirrors. Lenore places the clothes on the rack, giving the two of you one last-knowing nod as she makes her way to the door. "I'll give you guys some privacy," she winks, her hands on the doorknob. "You just holler if you need anything, okay?" You smile meekly at her as Joel nods. "Thank you, Lenore."

"Well', you breathe, making your way to the center of the room, taking it all in. "This is... something."

"It is, right? Perfect amount of mirrors to admire your form."

"It's just... a lot, Joel. I'm not used to seeing myself like this."

"Like what, baby?" He asks, making his way over to you as you fiddle nervously in place. Tenderly, he envelops you in his arms, hands brushing away stray strands of hair behind your ears. "Turn around and face the mirror," he softly directs, gently guiding you by the hips. You find yourself in front of the mirror, Joel standing behind you, his eyes locking with yours as his hands trace down your silhouette, fingers deftly navigating the buttons of your blouse.

"Let me paint a picture for you," Joel whispers in your ear, his eyes locked with yours through the mirror as he delicately starts to unbutton. "I see someone who drives me fucking crazy." Pausing at the last button, he eases your top from the waistband of your skirt, peeling the fabric from your skin to unveil the modest cotton bralette you chose for the day. "Beautiful," he breathes, slipping your top from your shoulders. A shiver runs through you as his hands graze your skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

"You think you can hide yourself behind all of these clothes but I see you, Sugar. I've seen what's inside, and I would like to get to know that girl that's begging to come out of that shell of yours." His fingers linger on the elastic at your waist, his eyes silently asking for consent. You nod, taking a deep breath as he slowly slides your skirt down your hips, leaving you standing against him in just your underthings, your body suddenly on fire as he continues to hold you against him. You swear you can feel the hardness of his desire from behind as he continues to caress you, his eyes never leaving yours. "Will you show me?"

His fingers find the skin of your torso, and you shudder and gasp at how it suddenly ignites you, the fire you kept dormant for so long suddenly ablaze from his ministrations, leaving you breathless. He places wet open-mouthed kisses along the length of your neck, his eyes never leaving yours as his fingers start to travel down to your waist.

The corner of his mouth creeps slowly upwards. "Are you going to let me show you just how much I fucking adore you?"

You swallow thickly, nodding absentmindedly as you find yourself caught in his web, exactly where he wants you. "Yes", you whisper, "Please, Joel."

"Do you know how long I've waited for you?" he whispers, his fingertips grazing the outline of your panties, inching lower and lower, the sensation driving you mad with want. You instinctively rub your thighs together, your body craving more friction than what's currently being provided. Joel tsks at the gesture, shaking his head at you through the mirror. "You keep these legs spread for me, baby." His fingers wander upwards, hooking onto the elastic of your underwear, as he watches you closely, a question written across his face. He quirks his eyebrow at you curiously.

It was all you needed to know just exactly what he was asking.

You give him a tiny nod.

"Use your words, baby girl. I need to know for sure that this is what you want. I need you to be specific," he commands, his fingers twitching against your skin.

"Please Joel," you whisper, the entirety of your body trembling against his, "Please undress me."

He grins wickedly as he complies, the fabric slipping slowly down your hips, peeling gently down your legs. "I remember the day we first met at your house, how shy and skittish you were. I remember what you wore, even then," he says, taking his time, your panties caught on the ankle of your foot. He tugs them free, his eyes darkening as he realizes that they are soaked through with your slick, glistening under the lowlight of the dressing room.

You swear you hear his breath quickening as he holds them high against the light in reverence, tucking the scrap piece of fabric into his back pocket.

"Did you know that you were going to see me that day?" he asks, turning his attention back to you. "Is that why you didn't bother to wear a bra under that shirt of yours?" He shakes his head slowly as he places his hands on your hips once more, his fingers slowly making their way down to your inner thighs. "It was downright indecent, the fabric was so thin I could practically see your tits," his voice sounds more considerably wrecked as he slides his fingers upwards until they hit your slit, a calloused finger expertly parting your lips until they reach the button of your clit.

He stops. "Have you ever let anyone touch you like this before?"

You shake your head in response, your body arching against his as you desperately seek his touch. "I came close once, back in college, but I-" your voice gets caught in your throat as Joel eases his finger through your lips once more, his fingertips at the precipice of your entrance. You can't help the moan that escapes your lips. He pulls his fingers away from your heat as he reaches into his back pocket, reaching for your panties as he holds the wad of fabric against your mouth. "Open," he commands, stuffing your mouth with the fabric, the tang of your slick so sharp it makes your mouth water even more. "This is a public place, baby, I can't risk us getting kicked out because you can't control yourself, you hear? Nod if you understand me."

You nod.

"Good." He bends forwards slightly, his fingers parting your slit once more, your pussy lips quivering as he gathers your slick, his fingertips breaching your entrance once more. "I know you're still a virgin, Sugar", he breathes as he kisses your neck once more, his eyes locking onto yours. "I'm not going to fuck you with my cock in a dressing room, but I am going to show you just how you make me feel. Is that okay?"

You nod once more, your voice muffled through the fabric of your panties. He breaches your entrance slowly, the thickness of his finger filling you as your body jolts from the intrusion, your eyes closing in pleasure.

"Look at me, Sugar. Look at what I'm doing to you."

Your eyes shoot open as you see Joel adding another finger into you, the squelch of your wetness against his fingers echoing loudly throughout the room as they slowly pump in and out of your pussy, his fingers crooking inside you slightly as your hips shift against his erection. Joel groans at that, shifting his thigh between your legs. "Lean against me, baby. Watch as I fuck you with my fingers."

You look at yourself in the mirror, the straps of your bralette sliding down your shoulders as Joel fingers you in earnest, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as you wither and tremble against his thigh. Joel pulls the chair he was sitting on earlier towards the both of you, pulling his fingers out of you once more as he plops onto the seat, spreading his legs. He beckons his fingers coated in your slick at you. "Come sit on Daddy's lap like a good little girl."

You stumble inelegantly onto his lap, his hands spreading your legs to rest on his, spreading you out entirely as he gazes at your pussy in the mirror, your ass situated on his jean-covered cock as he starts to grind against you. He pulls your breasts out from the confines of your bralette, the slick of your pussy leaving a trail against your skin as he cups your tits, pinching your nipples as he groans into your neck. "Look at you," he praises, slipping his fingers into your pussy as he begins to finger fuck you into oblivion. You look completely debauched as he thoroughly fucks you, his groans growing louder as he continues to grind his cock against the swell of your ass.

"Sweet innocent little Sugar, playing hooky and getting wrecked by her boss in public", he spits, his fingers increasing in speed as you mewl against the fabric in your mouth. "What would everyone say, huh? Pulling into the parking lot with your brand new Tesla, walking into the office tomorrow morning in your brand new clothes Daddy bought you?" He rubs his thumb against your clit, your body arching back as you cry from overstimulation. "Are you going to take everything that I'm going to give you?" he pulls the fabric from your mouth, a line of saliva trailing it as you breathe harshly, desperately trying to even your breath. "I asked you a question, Sugar. Are you going to take everything I give you?" he rips his fingers out of your pussy as it clenches on nothing, whining from being so violently edged out. He slaps your pussy for good measure, and you swear you could come from the motion alone. "Answer me!" he growls in your ear.

"Yes!" you half-scream. "Joel, it's too much, I can't-"

"Yes, you can, baby. Fuck- keep grinding that ass on my cock, I'm so fucking close", he grips your hip harshly, his fingers digging into the meat of your skin you swear it'll leave a mark. "I can feel you quivering for me, baby, are you gonna come?" He's thrusting, thrusting so harshly against you it's almost to the point of pain, but you're so caught up chasing your release that the pain riles you up, you find yourself gyrating against his hardness as Joel nearly jumps out of his seat in response.

"Joel, what's happening? I feel so wet, you need to stop, I feel like I'm gonna-" You gasp, the pressure building within you so strongly it feels like you're going to implode. Your body moves in sync with his, the groans and shouts of pleasure building, the tears flowing freely down your cheeks. "It's too much, it's too-" You scream, a gush of wetness flooding out of you as Joel fingers you to completion, a look of shock on your face as he grips your hips and comes in his jeans.

"FUCK!" he groans as he shoots his load so violently you swear you can feel the ropes of cum through his jeans as he comes down from his high. You sob into his shoulder, his mouth desperately finding yours as he finally kisses you, his tongue running along the seam of your lips, begging for entrance as he grips the back of your head. You kiss him back in earnest, turning yourself around and straddling his thighs, your bare pussy raw against the fabric of his jeans. "Thank you," he mumbles against your lips, his hands cupping your cheeks, his thumbs wiping your tears away. "You did so good, baby, so fucking good, you came so hard for me you fucking squirted, FUCK! Such a perfect girl, my perfect girl-"

Your eyes widen in shock as you take in the scene before you, the wetness of your slick coating the surface of the dressing room. "Joel, I can't believe I-" You shift on his lap, panicking. "Fuck, Joel, what are we gonna do? I just came all over the dressing room, in Neiman Marcus for fucks sake-"

Joel chuckles softly, gently tucking your hair behind your ears. "Do you realize the power a black Amex wields? Silence. Lenore's commission today will be outrageous; a few stains here and there won't even register."

"But what if it ruined the merchandise? I haven't even tried anything on—"

"No need. Lenore's already taken care of it on the card. I trust her taste." He plants another tender kiss on your lips, retrieving a sleek silver card from his jeans pocket, the unmistakable Tesla logo gleaming.

He hands you the card with a smirk, and your eyes widen in astonishment as you delicately accept it.

"Happy Birthday, Baby."

The Updated List: (Line items 4, 15 & 16 completed this chapter_)

Taglist: @sarcasm-theotherwhitemeat, @gwendibleywrites, @joeldjarin, @brittmb115, @thewiigers,

@auteurdelabre, @quicax3, @casa-boiardi, @amyispxnk, @untamedheart81,

@paleidiot, @bbiophiliaa, @laurrrra, @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 (I apologize if I missed anyone, but if you are looking for any of my fic updates, please feel free to follow my updates blog @chiriwritesstuffnotifs!)

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prolix-yuy · 4 months

Text

The Reason for the Season

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: What does Christmas mean after the world falls apart? Ellie sure doesn't know, but Joel knows who might.

Word Count: 6.6k

Warnings: T, some suggestive thoughts, one steamy kiss, teen angst and a whole lot of yearning! Our reader is given the following attributes: a history of Christmas celebrations, a father, and while not stated in the fic, she was old enough to be a teacher when the outbreak happened. While this story is not explicit, my blog and the content shared on it is 18+ MINORS DNI.

Notes: Hello to my sweet Sil @psychedelic-ink! I'm your not-so-secret Santa and I'm here to deliver your holiday fic! And doubly, your birthday present! I’m so glad we got to meet on this wild app, and may your holidays and your birthday be as amazing as you!

You asked for something very Christmas-y with some friends to lovers romance, and boy did this get out of hand! I hope you enjoy Joel finding a little Christmas spirit.

Cross-posted on AO3

There’s little sacred in the world anymore, but making the morning cup of coffee might be as close as Joel gets. The early rising, his bedtime vestments crumpled and stretched across tired muscles. The soothing routine: the mug, the pour over coffee dripper, and the Holy Beans. Every movement is seamless, practiced and almost sightless for those mornings when he can’t peel his eyes open. All in service to the first sip, and the glorious awakening it will bring.

Though with the clattering of Doc Martens and teen angst coming down the stairs, it’s not necessarily needed.

“Mornin’,” Joel rumbles over the mug, eyebrows raised at Ellie’s earlier-than-usual scowl. She opens the fridge, every movement thrown to the extremes of her small frame. Bowl clattering, spoon chiming against stoneware, a worrisome glug of milk, and she returns to flop into her seat across from Joel. He takes another sip, maybe a little louder than usual.

“Sounds the same going in as coming out,” she grumbles, but the half smile she allows is a triumph.

“Told you not to listen in on a man’s morning movements.” Ellie scrunches her nose up at that, jabbing her spoon into some granola. She’s only moving it around, not partaking, and Joel sets his cup down on the table. Crossing his arms over his chest, he looks down his nose at her.

“Something on your mind?”

Joel was never much for beating around the bush with Sarah’s moods, and he certainly hasn’t changed much with Ellie. She sighs and lets the spoon clatter back into the bowl.

“What the hell is up with Christmas?”

The question works better than the coffee, brain scrambling into overdrive in much the same way as when he caught Ellie holding a beat-up Bearskin magazine.

“Well…” he starts pensively, but Ellie bowls right through his low hum.

“Like some of the kids celebrate it and others don’t, but neither of them know why. Everyone’s arguing about something called Santa. And they’re bringing trees inside!” She tosses her hands, giving him a weird am I right look that butts against his confused expression.

“FEDRA didn’t teach you kids about Christmas?”

Ellie shrugs, folding her legs up into the kitchen chair.

“I’ve heard of it, but y’know…not exactly high on their list of priorities.” She starts worrying at a small rip in her jeans until Joel snaps a warning look. He just bartered for those, he won’t have her hurrying them back to scrap.

“I’ve kinda been…pretending I get it.” She trails off, face closing back up and Joel recognizes the outburst for what it is. Embarrassment.

“Well, Christmas is something that, uh…that lots of families celebrated before. It’s, uh…it’s a time at the end of the year to be…you know, to be together and thankful. That sort of thing.”

He can practically hear her eyes roll.

“But what the hell’s a Santa, and trees, and all the baking?” Her finger shoots up, angled directly at Joel. “I know there are presents!”

Joel scoffs, taking another sip and ruminating on how to tackle a tradition he’s barely paid attention to since the outbreak. It all felt so insignificant in the winters following, only a counter for how long he’s suffered so far. Then, when things calmed a fraction, the idea of opening his heart to anything remotely like thankfulness made him want to bloody every knuckle.

So he tucked his chin and paid no attention to parents trying their best to give their children something bright in the darkest days of winter. Tess never mentioned it, the shine in her eyes at candles lit in windows hard to distinguish from tears. And now, twenty-odd years later, he can barely fathom where to start.

“There’s a lot of traditions, variations. I don’t remember half of ‘em, but…” A sudden spark of an idea, a way to cheat out of this conversation and not get sulked to death over it, catches the corner of his mouth. “But I think that teacher you like might have some books about it.”

Ellie’s face lights up, abandoning her bowl to go galloping back up the stairs to her room. “Eat something first, then we’ll go,” trails up behind her. Joel savors the last bit of coffee before rising to rinse the cup, his own smile tugging at his lips. Shouldering his heavy winter jacket, Ellie wolfs down four bites of her granola while still in motion. Wiping her chin with the cuff of her jacket, she shoots a shit-eating grin at Joel as she heads to the door.

“Don’t think I didn’t catch that, old man,” she sing-songs as they move into the bracing Wyoming air. “Always looking for an excuse.”

“Whaddya mean?” he asks with as much nonchalance as he can muster, but Ellie’s raised brown and carefree shrug clearly don’t buy it.

“You’re a lousy liar, Joel.”

Not as bad as you think.

The schoolhouse is not much more than a converted home, the ground floor filled with bookshelves and improvised desks and controlled chaos. By the time Joel and Ellie came to Jackson it was well established, but Maria explained how it changed hands and struggled for years before the current teacher.

“It’s hard to prioritize learning over survival, but it’s the only way we move on as a community,” she said as she led the pair through their Jackson orientation. Ellie had been sighing heavily and dragging her feet - “school is boring, Joel, why can’t I go on patrol?” - before Maria led them into the kitchen.

“And here’s who we have to thank for dealing with our wild ones,” Maria said, and you looked up from your work.

The first thing Joel noticed was your smile. It spread so easily across your face, unselfconscious and radiant. You extended a hand to Ellie first, who suppressed enough of her ennui to act pleasant. Joel was next, enveloping her cool fingers with his large palm. He blanked on your name that time, needing to ask Maria privately for it, but the warmth and lightness of your presence could be blamed for that.

Joel didn’t believe in love at first sight, but that meeting sure as hell paved the way for the private and closely guarded crush he had on you now.

Ellie took a liking to you almost as quickly, and Joel could see why you were successful when others might have failed. You assessed her mood with ease, redirecting her dread to a section of the schoolhouse that held instruments. She moved immediately to an old guitar, cross-legged on the floor with the too-large instrument in her lap.

“Can you teach me how to play this?” she asked, and you admitted to only knowing a few chords.

“I can,” Joel piped up, his own voice surprising him. “I know how to play.”

Twin bright eyes danced on his face, and he struggled to keep the flush from creeping past his collar.

“If you have some time, I have other students who would love to learn.”

And that’s how on some afternoons Joel found himself showing a handful of teens on the cusp of adulthood how to strum chord progressions. He viewed it as a duty to the community…or at least that’s what he said when Maria and Tommy asked. It was also the perfect excuse to stop by early and chat with you, or scrutinize a leaky window or dripping faucet. Anything to keep him in the same room as you taught simple math or reading comprehension.

“Any time you want to bring that handiness by my place you’re welcome,” Tommy teased when he caught Joel waving you goodbye on the well-trodden path home.

“You take better care of your place, you won’t need help,” he spat back with no fire. Tommy shrugged, hands stuffed into his jeans pockets.

“Just sayin’, that schoolhouse might withstand another apocalypse with all the work you’ve done on it. I hope its proprietor is…appreciative.” The cheeky wink eggs on a shoulder punch that almost becomes a wrestling match between two men who should know better. Instead Joel calls Tommy a name and Tommy laughs and Joel stares at the ceiling that night wondering if you would be…appreciative of what he’d like to give you.

Only some of those thoughts are pure in nature.

But the years, even the kind ones, have choked up his tongue and made him a coward. You’re clearly eligible, no other men sniffing around much to Joel’s surprise. He doesn’t think it’s completely one-sided either. You smile at him and put your hand on his shoulder and stand close enough that he can smell your soap and gentle musk. And what’s worse is you’re something rare to him, something miraculously unsullied by twenty years of hell. He didn’t think it was possible for someone to survive without hardening, without breaking and mending over and over until the repair is the whole self. But you are still kind, and understanding, and gentle, and open. There’s only one reason Joel can attribute to this rarity.

Someone loved you.

Someone loved you so very much that they protected you, let you be open-hearted and trusting even with the world crashing down. And if that someone is no longer here, that’s a hole he can never fill. But every day he spends in Jackson shedding years of plate armor and barbed wire, he contemplates if he might be getting closer to someone who could at least try.

In the meantime he makes his excuses, much like now, and suppresses the little smiles and giddy feeling in his stomach.

“Been meaning to check on that plumbing issue she had last week,” he says breezily, snow crunching underfoot and the chill air nipping at his nose.

“Suuuure, I bet you’d love to see her plumbing,” Ellie snarks, sprinting away as Joel’s face heats up.

“Watch your fucking language, kid,” he growls, the irony not lost on him, as the schoolhouse comes into view.

You can always tell when Ellie arrives. The kids born after the outbreak have a peculiar set of social norms and rules. You’re not sure if she even knows that she should knock before entering, or take her boots off. Then again, it’s an exercise in contemplation when you consider why those societal norms would return when their framework’s been shattered.

Keep your boots on in case you have to run.

Don’t announce your entrance in case something’s lurking.

A whole other etiquette you watch like a zookeeper behind glass.

“Good morning Ellie,” you call from the kitchen. Your heart flutters briefly wondering if…

“Morning, ma’am.”

Joel ambles into the kitchen, massaging heat back into his palms. His cheeks are ruddy with windburn, and you bite the inside of your lip considering how your own hot palms could warm them.

“Good morning Joel, didn’t expect you in so early.” Dusting your hands off, you round the counter to step into his space. A little game you like to play: how much more obvious must you be before he’ll notice you’re flirting with him? Another brushed shoulder, squeeze of the forearm, eyes connecting a second too long. Thrilling yes - it’s been a long time since you’ve had a crush - but at this rate you’ll both be ninety before either of you admit it.

“Ellie has something to ask you,” he says, turning to look for his ward. The strange wording patters your heartbeat into an uneasy rhythm.

“Should I be worried?” you laugh, Joel’s deep brown eyes coming back to your face with a sheepish smile. Oh god, when he smiles your knees can barely handle it.

“I might have passed the buck on a conversation.”

Before you can ask Ellie slips into the kitchen, weaving around Joel’s wider frame and hopping up on one of the barstools surrounding the kitchen island. The ones Joel made with those strong hands and thick fingers.

“What’s the deal with Christmas?”

The question catches you off guard no matter the preamble.

“Um. Huh. Well, I guess…what do you want to know?” you ask, sidling around to lean across the counter from her. Joel is still in your peripheral, practically filling the door frame.

“Everybody’s talking about it,” she bemoans, taking a dried apple slice you’d laid out and turning it on the countertop. “And I keep pretending it’s like, so awesome, but I just don’t…get it.” Her thumbnails pick at the leathery edge of the fruit, and the child you’ve watched pressure girls twice her age into shenanigans softens around the edges.

“It’s all, ‘my family does this, my family does that,’ and it’s like…I never had anyone to celebrate with before. FEDRA did some stuff with us, but it was…” A shrug, accepted without comment. “And they all seem to love it, and I maybe want to…feel that.” The hedging makes you lean further over, grabbing your own apple slice and turning it between your fingers.

“Well, Joel must have told you there are a lot of ways people celebrate the holidays.” Looking up to Joel he grimaces slightly, raising one shoulder in apology. “And there are lots of different traditions. I’m not surprised you’re confused.”

“Yes! Is Jesus like, Santa’s kid or something?”

The stifled laugh comes straight out of your nose and you have to clear your throat to keep from snorting further.

“Okay, there’s a lot to unpack here but tell you what, I’ve got a plan.” Ellie looks up at you with a guarded sparkle in her eyes, and it only widens your smile. “Let me do some research first. There are things I don’t know either. So how about you come back next week and I’ll tell you what I’ve learned during the tree decorating.”

Ellie raises an eyebrow. “Tree decorating?”

You must be glowing by now. “Oh, you are in for a treat.”

Leaning against the doorway, Joel takes in the scene. Ellie’s moment of vulnerability, buried back under her feigned indifference. The excitement bubbling under the surface of your smile.

The way you lean over the counter, the curve of your back only accentuating your shapely ass as you sway slightly.

Fuck, maybe he should just come out and confess his crush so he can at least feel awkward when he sees you instead of embarrassingly horny.

He’s relieved Ellie suggested coming to you. Your solution to his problem is simple and brilliant, a weight lifting off his chest. Sometimes Ellie is no different than his child, and other times Sarah’s memory makes the smallest endearing unbearable.

Sarah’s mom had taken care of the holiday explanation, navigating the unique customs of their little household. She explained why they had a tree and a menorah, and who’s Santa and the Festival of Lights. When Sarah got older and started asking more pointed questions, they both sat down and explained all their traditions and why they were important. Joel had, admittedly, been more of a supporting role, but for their family it worked.

Then Ellie had to pitch that question at him, looking up like Sarah had, though so much smaller, and his throat closed up. He knew she needed it. Hell, maybe even he could use some holiday cheer, but Ellie was too no-nonsense and Joel was too out of practice, ripe for bungling it up.

He’ll have to thank you in some way. Though there’s not much to fix nowadays, and if he spends much more time here volunteering he might get roped into actually being a teacher.

“...and since it’s your first time, you get to add your own ornament to the tree. It can be anything you want, and at the end of the holidays we pack it up with the others for next year.”

That’s it, he thinks. A small way to repay your kindness. He has some scrap wood in the communal woodshop, and most evenings are quiet there. There must be a coping saw in some toolbox, a few rasps and awls.

“That does sound pretty cool,” Ellie says, and where you might have thought it to be begrudging, Joel can clearly hear her excitement.

“I think you’ll love it.”

That week was one of the busiest - and sneakiest - that Joel could recall in recent years. It seemed to be the same for you, watching you flit around town with a battered notebook and chewed-up pencil. You were talking to people, smiling, laughing. Whatever the conversation was made everyone else smile too, throwing fond looks at each other. Sometimes playful bickering, or conspiratorial whispers followed, and you gathered up all those words into that well-worn notepad.

Joel, on the other hand, was making himself more scarce than usual. He kept up appearances, not slacking on patrols and showing up when he’s expected, but every free moment is spent in the woodshop.

He could have gone the simple route, cutting slices out of some nice quality wood, something with a live edge, but it was too simple. He wanted something that would make you light up, your mouth drop open and your eyes sparkle.

Further back than he’s willing to count, he remembered a fellow contractor showing him gifts he made for his daughters each year. Beautiful wooden snowflakes, carved in geometric shapes that would reveal tessellations and patterns when glued together.

The idea seemed simple enough, but it had been a long time since his hands had done anything delicate. The pattern was easy to make, but as he dragged the coping saw along the curves and points his hand would cramp, or the blade would zig when he wanted it to zag. He’d get up and walk around the shop to shake out the frustration, telling himself it’s only four more pieces…for this ornament.

When he feels like giving up and tossing the whole project in the trash, he thinks of the feeling he’ll get when you hang them on the branches, the way you might touch his arm or look into his eyes when you thank him.

And then he thinks that forget the mistletoe, he’ll kiss you whenever and wherever you’ll let him.

On the fourth day of hiding in the woodshop Ellie bursts in, halfway through a sentence before she even gets in the door.

“...and I haven’t gotten her anything and I know she’ll get me something so like, what should I…” Her entrance startles him, yanking a rag over a freshly glued ornament.

Too slow, old man, he thinks as her eyes snap to his attempt at deception.

“What’cha got there, Joel?” she asks, sly smile matching her embellished cadence.

“Just workin’ on things, what were you talking about?” he deflects, leaning on one elbow to hide the mess behind his shoulder. Ellie nods, understanding stark on her face as she ambles up.

“Oh sure, since when have you ever cared what I’m talking about?”

Joel can’t stop the hurt look dashing across his face, leaning forward. “I care…”

Tricked! Ellie’s hands dart under his arm and yank the cloth away, exposing the half-assembled ornaments and lengths of twine.

“You’re so fucking easy…” she starts to say, but the words stop when she sees the mess underneath.

“What are those?” she asks, and for a moment Joel wants to snark something back at her - none of your goddamn business or don’t make fun of me - but then he realizes she probably doesn’t have any idea what they are. What would she have seen adorning a tree? Maybe dried fruit, popcorn, little trinkets that people saved hoping one day they could have Christmas again?

So he clears his throat and makes himself vulnerable. To a teenager. Easily one of the scariest things on this earth, cordyceps included.

“They’re for the tree lighting. Had a buddy who used to make ‘em, and I thought it’d be a nice gift for…to the schoolhouse. For being so helpful and all that.” He can feel his ears reddening but Ellie hasn’t taken her eyes off the snowflakes. She traces one of the finished ones, pointer finger running along the edge he dulled with an ancient rust-filled rasp. “You hang them on the tree.”

Ellie’s quiet for a moment, inspecting and nudging the pieces around, before she finally speaks.

“They’re cool. I didn’t know contractors could make pretty things too.”

Joel snorts, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ll let you know I’m a man of multitudes.”

She snorts, the tension breaking, as Joel moves pieces around to show how they fit together to form the abstract snowflake shape. As he’s explaining the process she’s shockingly quiet, but everything is open - eyes, ears, half-parted mouth. If he’d known this was something they shared he would have built things with her ages ago.

“Is one of these mine? The one I can bring?”

Joel mulls for a moment, tapping fingers on the workbench, before he hauls himself up to stand.

“Nah, I’ve got something better for you.”

It takes a few minutes of searching for a suitable wood piece not being used for something important. Then a few more to saw off a round, sweat beading on the edge of his hairline and biceps tensing. Ellie’s eyes widen when he hands her the wood circle, ushering her back to the workbench.

“I think somethin’ more personal would be good to bring. How about you write your name on it?”

Ellie’s eyes narrow, playfully mistrusting.

“Just my name?”

“You’ll see.”

As she writes and erases about six times, Joel hunts through the workshop for the little woodburning kit he spied weeks ago. It’s janky, but it doesn’t electrocute him when he plugs it in. He waves Ellie over and takes the wood, admiring her no-nonsense script.

“They ever teach you woodburning at school?” Ellie shakes her head, and Joel’s smile turns lopsided. “Then you’re gonna love this.”

Using the hot metal tip of the fat pencil-like tool, he meticulously traces her lettering, burning it permanently into the wood.

“Holy shit, that’s so cool!” she exclaims, getting close enough that he has to shoo her back so she doesn’t get wisps of woodsmoke right up her nose. He lets her finish the last E, warning her to go slow so the line doesn’t chatter. It’s not perfect, but she’s so excited he can’t find fault.

“Now for a little holiday decoration,” he mumbles, and with stiff joints and too-big hands he burns in a border of holly leaves and berries, even dotting the I in her name with one.

“All finished,” he says, and before he can even blow on the final product it’s in her hands, tracing the lines and practically thrumming with excitement.

“Can I keep it?” she asks, spinning it in her palm.

“Just until this weekend, but I can show you how to make…” His sentence trails off as she’s already heading for the door.

“Awesome, thanks Joel!” she calls over her shoulder. He chuckles to himself, ambling back to his own little project. Ellie turns in the doorway, silhouetted by the sun dipping low.

“She’ll love those too,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows and disappearing before he can retort. Sighing, he turns back to the last few pieces he needs to assemble.

He hopes she does.

Joel finishes the ornaments just in time for the tree decorating, timed perfectly with Jackson’s town square lighting. Joel saw Tommy drag the tree into your schoolhouse, conversing with you and Maria as he brushed stray needles from your front porch. The way you smiled when someone did kind things for you warmed Joel even from afar.

“Planning on helping out with the festivities tonight?” Tommy asked as the day wound down, putting boxes on the bar as Joel enjoyed a whiskey.

“Ellie wants to go to the tree decoratin’, figured I’d make myself useful.”

Tommy’s half smile hovers in his periphery. He tries to ignore it.

“You got something to hang on that nice teacher’s tree?” Joel rolls his eyes and throws back the drink. He’s not going to sit by and tolerate romance advice from his baby brother. “C’mon, you know she’s into you, right? Looks at you like you hung the moon.” Tommy leans on the bar, turning something small between his fingers. “See you looking at her like that too. Practically Hallmark shit by now.”

“See ya, Tommy,” Joel sighs, getting up from his chair while rolling his eyes.

“Well, at least you can bring this too,” he says, and holds out what he’s been fiddling with.

Joel looks down, and his heart stops.

“...Where did you…”

Tommy’s face softens, placing the item between them on the bar.

“Went home before I ended up in Jackson. Not a lot left there, but I found the Christmas box in the basement. It was one of the few things I could carry with me.” Tommy’s face fights an emotion welling up, forcing a smile even as his eyes shine. “Thought she could be part of a new tradition too.”

A small wooden ornament fashioned to look like a Christmas ball, the name “Sarah” painted in the center and surrounded by red and green patterns. She brought it home from school and it had a prominent place on their tree, even as she got older and complained about how ugly it was.

Joel’s throat is so tight his breath whistles out, chest pounding and eyes stinging, but he picks up the ornament and cradles it in his work-worn hands. Then, a lightness eases his breathing, and a soft smile plays across his face. He clears his throat preemptively, pocketing the treasure.

“Yeah, I will. I’ll put it next to Ellie’s. Thank…thank you,” he stumbles, and the brothers share a moment of memory.

“And you know, everyone’s gonna be out looking at the lights tonight in case you need some privacy,” Tommy suggests, breaking the tension with all the finesse of a sledgehammer.

“Bye, Tommy,” Joel calls over his shoulder, Tommy’s chuckle ushering him out.

You must have done this many times before, because when Joel and Ellie walk into the schoolhouse it’s like something off a holiday card. The school supplies are tucked away in favor of soft seating areas. The tree Tommy brought in is tucked in a corner, lights already wound around the thick boughs. Something apple and spiced wafts through the air, and the chatter of children and adults alike is at the comfortable level that it blankets everything in a festive glow.

Ellie’s face is glowing too, taking in the drastic shift in decor. She hangs back a little, eyes roaming and waving to friends but shyly tucked behind Joel’s elbow. Her hand is in her pocket, and Joel would put money on her ornament being in the palm of her hand. Joel’s not much better, Sarah’s in his own and a paper packet tucked under his arm.

Before either of them can feel too out of place, you weave through the growing crowd with a wave.

“I’m so glad you could come!” you call out, squeezing Joel’s arm and beaming down at Ellie. She shifts on her feet, a small smile appearing at a familiar face.

“This is wild, is like the whole town here?” she asks, and you shrug with your hands on your hips. Some of your hair is out of place, and perspiration clings to your throat. Joel swallows, eyes darting away.

“Well I did say I had a special surprise for tonight, and you inspired it!” you say, motioning to a series of little dioramas tucked into an empty bookshelf. Ellie weaves around Joel to get a closer look as you point out one of the shelves.

“You asked me about Christmas and I didn’t know what to tell you because I don’t know all that much about how it came to be, or the traditions around it. But then I realized we’re all building a new world together, and the holidays are what we bring with us.” You slide a piece of paper out and hand it to Ellie, and she reads it with a growing smile. Joel leans over to catch a glimpse at your prim handwriting.

Christmas was very traditional in my house. Santa was supposed to come by and bring us presents for being good girls and boys. We would write letters to him about things we wanted, and our parents were supposed to deliver them to him. On Christmas Eve we baked cookies and left them out for Santa because he had a lot of houses to deliver to and needed snacks. I left out carrots for the reindeer too, because they were doing all the work. And then on Christmas morning dad made pancakes and we weren’t allowed to open anything until mom was up. I believed in Santa until I was about 12, when I asked how he could get into houses without chimneys. My parents told me that Santa was an idea, not a real person, and the spirit of the season was to show people you appreciate them and give back to the community around you. I was more worried that I would get less presents if Santa wasn’t giving them to me anymore.

“I gathered up all these stories from everyone in Jackson, of all faiths and beliefs, and you can read through them and see how everyone celebrates.” You lean down now, speaking quieter. “There’s no right way, and no one person celebrates the same as everyone else. The one thing that does stay the same is that it’s a time to show love to the people around you.”

Joel’s eyes roam the shelves, spotting a Hanukkah-themed scene and something with bright colors he doesn’t recognize. Pages of script torn from your notepad tuck behind Santa figurines and menorahs and little wooden shoes. Ellie picks up another slip of paper.

“Wait, there are elves?”

You shrug, straightening up and catching Joel’s eye. He gives a lopsided smile as you’re pulled away by someone else entering, a twinkling light in the night surrounding Jackson.

A time to show love to the people around you? Maybe he can finally pluck up the courage to do that.

“Okay, everyone with an ornament please come up to the tree! Not too many at one time!” you call out, and Joel’s heart jumps into his throat. He pulls the packet from under his arm, hoping that maybe a bunch of kids would rush to the front, but everyone is reluctant to be the first. You stand by the tree, a shimmer of trepidation on your face, and Joel takes the first step.

“Brought these for…for the tree,” he says, handing the rough package to her. He should have put a bow on it, but he already wrestled with the packaging too long, he didn’t think he had the nerve to make it look any more like a gift. All eyes are on you as you unfold the wrapping, eyes darting up to Joel like he’s playing a trick, but when six delicate snowflakes are revealed a murmur of chatter fills the room. Your eyebrows lift, eyes lighting up and he wishes he’d given it to you alone. He wants your appreciation and surprise and happiness all for himself, even as the whispers, “oh wows,” and “good job, Joels,” waft to his ears.

“Joel, these are amazing,” you breathe, lifting one of the snowflakes out to dangle on your fingers. A smattering of applause he doesn’t deserve deepens his blush, but he takes the praises as graciously as possible. “I’m…thank you so much. I’m going to put them on, please everyone! Bring your ornaments up!” The snap into something much cheerier and brighter flutters Joel’s heart, catching a brief shine in your eye as you busy yourself adding his ornaments to the tree.

Could he go to you in the hubbub of people now approaching, lay a hand on your shoulder and envelope you in his arms? The ache to do so is close to a real animal in his chest begging to be touched. Instead he hangs back as kids hang dried apples and garland, painted baubles and all varieties of crafts. Wooden birds with real plumage, tiny knitted mittens, worn pictures encased in resin. His eyes draw to Ellie, sidling up next to you to hang her name ornament. You help her pick a spot, and Joel can see how you praise the design, and add some reassuring words. Standing back from the tree Ellie leans against you, and you wrap an arm around her shoulders.

The world slows around them, frozen in time under Joel’s watchful eye. He blinks, capturing a mental photo of this moment. He’ll look back on it often, the way Ellie both looks so much like a child but also so grown. How you give her kindness and support in as quiet of a way as she’ll accept, rewarded with her ease. And the feeling in his own chest, expanding and swelling like his heart could never fit his body again.

“Look outside!” calls one of the younger children, and the crush of people move from the tree to the windows at the front of the schoolhouse. Craning his neck, Joel catches the lights strung around town starting to click on, brilliant bubbles of amber light dissipating the darkness. A murmur kicks up, and the tree sparkles to life with colorful pops illuminating every memory adorning its branches. There’s cheering and clapping again, this time well deserved, and Ellie’s face brightens as her name sways gently with all of the others.

“There’s more!” someone cheers, and the front door opens to guide the group out and onto the frigid streets. Ellie’s head whips around, eyes pleading, and Joel can only nod with feigned annoyance as she rushes out.

“Put on your hat…” he calls after her, but if she hears she gives no indication. In a moment the schoolhouse is empty of all but you and him. Joel glimpses more lights leading the people of Jackson through the town center, noise dulling to a comforting hum.

You’re still in front of the tree, admiring the final product. Joel takes a deep breath and slowly approaches, standing beside you in comfortable silence. You take in a big breath of your own and blow it out, satisfaction painting your features.

“Every year it seems like it’ll never get done, and yet it always comes together,” you say, bumping shoulders with Joel. He snorts and smiles, taking in all of the chaotic beauty of the decorations.

“Meant a lot to Ellie that you did all this,” he says, tossing his head back at the written history you compiled. You cock your head at him thoughtfully.

“It got me thinking, you know. What’s important to everyone, now that we’re here after everything?” Your eyes search the tree, Joel’s following. “For me, it was my dad. We called him Father Christmas. Loved the holidays, was excited for them every year.” Your fingers find a red plastic boot nestled in the boughs. “When we got to Jackson he was so excited to be around people again, to feel that community. He brought Christmas back for lots of people.” A watery sigh signals Joel to lean closer, fitting his arm snugly around your waist. It’s never felt more right to hold someone. “The years since he’s passed have been hard to keep this all up, but it’s also the closest I feel to him.”

Joel reaches into his pocket, Sarah’s ornament in the palm of his hand. Ellie’s has a perfect spot next to it, and he tucks them together amongst the lights. Fresh spruce tickles his nostrils as he arranges them just so.

“My daughter,” Joel says, and it may be the first time he’s offered this part of himself up willingly. “Lost her on the day it all went to hell. She loved the holidays too, always wanted to see real snow. You know, like something out of a Norman Rockwell.” The rest of the words he wants to say stick in his throat, but it’s enough. You turn to him, sliding a hand up his arm to squeeze it gently. A knowing smile curves your lips, tempting as hot cocoa after a cold day.

“Thank you, Joel. For the ornaments, for being here. For everything.”

His body steps into yours, pulling you close. Your eyes widen briefly, then your expression becomes hopeful.

“Thought maybe I was being obvious, around all the time looking for a reason to be where you are,” Joel muses, finally bold enough to cup your cheek. Leaning into it, you fit your body into his.

“Maybe I thought it was too good to be true,” you say, a tiny brush of his thumb over your lips startling a breath out.

“Pretty sure it’s me who’s been feelin’ that way, darlin’,” Joel teases, but the yearning in your eyes tells him he’s got to say it now. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for…so goddamn long.”

Then your hand winds into his nape, and your lips meet.

You’re as soft as he hoped, yielding to his firmer press but bold when he parts his lips and your tongue begs entrance. A choked moan dies in his throat as cinnamon and apple dances on his palate, cradling your head so he can deepen the kiss. The grip on his hair tightens, your other hand fisted in his flannel. He wraps around you, protector, devotee, your body and soul safe with him.

Your lips part regretfully, foreheads pressed together as you catch your breath. Beating him to composure, you tilt your chin to press a kiss to a spot on his jaw where his beard is a little thin.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you here for so long,” you repeat, breathy giggles rippling through you both. Joel dips in to claim your lips again, softer, slower. Your arms wind around his neck, and if he wasn’t keenly aware that at any moment someone could wander back in he would have laid you out to explore with his lips and teeth and tongue. His calmer head prevailed.

“Darlin’, I wouldn’t ask you for a single other thing, Christmas or not, if you’d say you’ll be mine,” he asks, heart on the line as he hopes you feel the magic of this moment just as much. Your eyes crinkle, fingers stroking through his hair.

“Joel Miller, nothing would make me happier,” you answer, earning another sweetly spicy kiss. When you part again, you say, “Well, except…”

Joel’s heart hammers, eyebrows knitting up in concern.

“...I could use help putting the star on my tree tonight. The one in my bedroom?”

A mischievous smile darts onto Joel’s face, playfully squeezing your ass.

“And how tall is this tree? Should I bring my ladder?”

You tap your chin thoughtfully.

“Maybe two, three feet?”

Joel nods with understanding.

“Of course, we should take care of that immediately.”

“Immediately.”

Hand in hand, you exit the schoolhouse, leaving it unlocked in case anyone wants to come bask in the holiday cheer later in the evening. Looking down the main street, Jackson is lit like a beacon of hope. Children toss snowballs at each other while parents watch on and laugh. Ellie is talking to a girl her age, shyly extending a paper-wrapped gift. A beautiful, kind woman is holding his hand and if his back were better he’d throw her over his shoulder in his haste to get her alone.

And in the darkest of times, when the days are short and cold and hope runs thin, there is still so much love to share.

END

A/N: the ornaments Joel makes were inspired by a gift I got a few years back. These handmade ornaments are some of my favorites every year!

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #pedrostoriesgift23 #pedrostories #prolix fics

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writersundersiege · 3 months

Text

The New Girl in Town Pt 6

Rafe Cameron x F! Reader

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A/n: This one is another long one, and it took me so freaking long to edit, and honestly, I don’t know how I feel about this chapter. I will let you all be the judge. Should I keep doing this one this way or just do it based on whatever comes to mind?

The New Girl in Town - Masterlist

Summary: When Rafe comes to your rescue at the boneyard, what happens when things develop with him rapidly? But maybe things aren’t what you thought initially. Are the people of Outerbanks right about the boy you’re starting to feel so much care for?

MDNI 18+

Warnings: Storms, grief, death, insinuation of sexual themes, violence, weapons, swearing, drug use, and drug abuse, as well as some slight talks of addiction. Sexual themes: unprotected sex, smut, slight aftercare, soft! Rafe

That night, from two separate spots on the same property, two people couldn’t sleep comfortably.

You laid on the Druther’s, soft volume playing on Netflix from Sarah’s laptop; you could feel the waves slowly rock the boat, the double door slightly open, letting in the biting sea breezes that floated through the night while you sat and stared out the window of the ship that looks towards Tannyhill.

Sarah's sleeping frame on the couch across from yours. rises slowly up and down from breathing.

Looking back towards the vast house, you notice one dim light is on and immediately recognize it as the room one door down from Sarah, Rafe's room.

Earlier, he nearly slammed the door so hard to his room it shook the whole wall that connected his room to his sisters, and then a giant storm cloud of doubt swarms you.

From the second you stepped foot on the island, you’d heard about a boy named Rafe who was troubled and unbalanced. The first thing you heard about him was right before you met him while moving in.

The moving caravan stopped at a hardware store; you were buying a drink while your dad needed razors for the box cutters your mom had newly ordered to unpack.

You entered the smaller store, smelling of freshly cut wood and slight hits of cleaning oils, soft elevator-type music played.

Other than your father and you, there were workers, including a few boys your age and an older man standing at the register, but they were the only occupants of the store.

As you were browsing the refrigerator section, trying to decide what to get. Faintly, you could hear two boys in the other aisle talking, and they seemed rather upset.

Trying your best to mind your business, you round the corner, making your way towards the register where you can already make out your dad’s smiling face, leaning on the counter and looking back towards you.

In the last moments, you catch the boy stocking shelves, his messy brown hair falling in his eyes, saying, “Then after all that bullshit, dude, I go looking for her only to find her right underneath Rafe fucking Cameron.”

The redheaded boy, who sits on the floor, stocking shelves, listening to the boy next to him, shaking his head while continuing stacking, says, “is how it is out here, always has been, man. That isn’t the first girlfriend you’ll have stolen right from under your nose, nor will it be the last. Kooks take what they want.”

This makes you stop and step back, looking down at what appears to be outlet covers. Still, too enveloped in the things you don’t know but are curious about, you pretend to pick them up and be reading the back but listening to the boys.

Your dad stands at the front counter, watching you for a moment, frowning as you look at the light switch covers but shrugs, walking to a display shelf they had set up for electric hand tools that weren’t far from the front.

“Cameron and all the snobby rich kids on this island get what they want not because they deserve it but because they're crazy, and Rafe, man, I mean, he’s ruthless; he’s borderline psychotic, nah not borderline, he is psychotic I mean there are so my examples…”

He begins to trail off but immediately starts again: “One time, I watched him beat the hell out of a dude at a party who touched his truck by accident, mind you; the man was smiling back blood in his teeth, taunting the kid who wasn’t even fully conscious anymore till people pulled him off. I’ll never forget that, and the kid still has a huge scar on the side of his head from the fight.”

The messy-haired boy had been intensely listening the entire time, just like you so much, so you think it’s time to stop being intrusive and be on your way, considering not only are you eavesdropping, but you’re taking part in gossip that could be entirely subjective you don’t know any of these people and it’s best not to make a prior illusion of someone you’ve yet to meet.

The last thing you hear as you leave the aisle back turned but recognize it to be the brown-haired boy's voice saying, “It sucks. I thought she liked me; Cameron has everything: the perfect family, house, and life; no wonder she doesn’t want someone like me when someone like him even offers. I’m just some kid who grew up on The Cut, so whatever, I guess, keep moving forward, right?” the red-haired boy pats his back, saying, “Don’t worry, bro, we got you Pogues for Life.”

Eventually, you reach the register, quickly pay, and hurry out the doors; your dad catches up behind you, pointing back and saying, “You find a looker in there cause if you did and you're too shy, I could—“

You cut him off with a rupture of laughter that leaves him wide-eyed, saying, “No, please, we all saw your wingman capabilities were subpar at best a few months ago; ring a bell, cute waiter on the royal Caribbean cruise we took for Mom's birthday.”

Your dad stops walking with you, turning to face you, becoming mock-offended, throwing his hand to his chest. “You smite me (F/N). That was one slip-up, and frankly, don’t blame me for the strawberry daiquiris; they did all the talking that night.”

You shake your head, giving him a skeptical look. “I don’t remember a glass of Strawberry and Rum saying to a fully grown man. Who was working; may I remind you. that if he didn’t already have a girlfriend and wanted a good one or just wanted a new one…I was single, and then leaving my freaking phone number on a napkin, nope, pretty sure it was you.”

You end poking him in the chest with a small laugh and kind eyes because it is a story to laugh about; he gives you a defeated look while pushing you both to walk back slowly. You don’t notice till halfway there your dad is relatively still, and his defeated look turns to regret or sorrow; “Dad.”

Right as you make it back to the caravan, your father looks up, eyes wide; he gently grabs your face, cupping your cheeks in his hands and placing a kiss on top of your head before pulling you in a vast Charlie-style bear hug, swinging you back and forth squeezing till you felt you couldn’t breathe but you laugh a hearty laugh.

Moments like these remind you of being a little girl and playing with your dad on the beach, collecting shells, and splashing and running along the water line. These moments made you feel free.

He sets you gently on the ground, saying as he’s hugging you, “This time is gonna be different, Peanut, I promise.” You hug him tighter, not precisely sure what he’s talking about, but getting an idea from the look of sorrow you saw shadow his face. You break apart, smiling at him and hopping in the car, driving to your new home.

And that’s when you finally saw him in the flesh; at first, you didn’t know who he was, but out of the group at Topper's playing basketball, he’s the one that immediately caught your eye.

When you saw him, you knew from that second he was not only gorgeous but so dangerous. he was playing ball with the boys, moderately sweaty but nowhere compared to the other two, who were nearly drenched, which showed his athleticism; he had hard lines in his eyebrows almost seeming to have a permanent frown on his face.

His hair, which was so sandy and dirty blond, reminded you of the beaches back home and their mix of yellow and brown sparkling slightly when the sun would glint on it, and it hung right in his eyes, causing him to have to move it out of his face.

When he finally took attention to your arrival, you knew he was looking; you could feel his piercing gaze laid on you like an ice cub was being set right on the back of your neck, but you always knew when all of them were looking wherever you went, you could feel them, but when you had Luca, that feeling didn’t matter. Then he’d gone missing, and he’s still lost.

Luca had been gone so long now with nothing but his necklace and a note; he was the one who made you grounded, but now you want to live cause what if you go missing tomorrow? Wouldn't you like to say you lived extraordinarily? Would you like to say you loved it greatly? that you had fought valiantly?

Eventually, hearing a knock on the door, you opened it for the boys. You intentionally didn’t turn down your music, and watching them react to you was humorous but endearing.

Specifically, you watched Rafe and how his muscles flexed and unflexed under his shirt and his hair falling right in his eyes, making you want to walk over and push it out of the way for him. When you finally meet with his eyes, he asks you a question, and you smirk, seeing how much his eyes remind you of the sea, its depths, and darkness swirling around with the orbs of his irises.

You have never believed in love at first sight; it was an act of cinematic thrill, but you’d never really seen it or experienced it. Luca wasn’t your love at first sight. You had known and loved Luca your whole life, but you were eight years old when you knew you were in love with Luca, and from that day on, you loved him, and you loved him entirely.

He was your twin flame or soulmate in whatever sense it is. He helped to complete a part of you, but now, with him gone. You are changing and growing; what do you do when you’re sitting across from a man who’s standing and looking into you already like you hung the sun and the stars and for a reason unknown, you like it, you enjoy him, how he carries himself, the charm, the mystery, the coldness. Then, he also seems to show you the sincerity, gentleness, and fondness he has in him that he saves for unique events.

In a moment, you know one thing, and it is Rafe Cameron. He is going to be the death of you; from the moment he sat the dresser down in the room and looked around, softly taking in your space, you knew he was not what they say he is, whatever they make him out to be, it’s not truly him.

You’re going to understand who he truly is, and you have the same thoughts repeatedly as he jumps in for the clothes drives, goes on a drive with your dad, not losing it for you having to help Diana the other day and tonight picking you up from the Boneyard.

Rafe Cameron may be slightly self-absorbed and moody, but he cares much more than he can say or physically show.

As you come to from your thoughts, you realize you’ve been aimlessly staring at the ceiling of the boat at some point while being engrossed by the idea of a man you have yet to learn more about.

One last time, you glance at the windows, swearing to see the curtains slowly swaying as if someone had just walked away, and the light suddenly went out; with that, you turn your back to the window and fall asleep, letting the waves cradle you softly in your dreams.

————————————————————————

In the room now creeping with darkness, Rafe lies in his bed, staring at the door. He had been pacing his floors since he came back in from all the thinking of almost kissing you.

He was right there, and just like everything, Sarah had to get her nose right in it. He thinks back to earlier in the day when his sister had also tried to pull shit with him in front of you about Emma, which was a low blow, considering how many times Rafe has covered for her.

At one point, Rafe looked out to the boat, anchored at the end of their dock, looking to see if he saw any remnants of you sitting on the bow, looking out at the waves that are currently sparkling silver, with the light of the moon, beaming down onto it.

When Rafe sees nothing but darkness, the pushing and pulling of the waves, and the boat rocking next to the dock, he walks away from the window, lies down and shuts off the light.

Still thinking about you, in many ways, especially how you felt pressed so close to his body, the warmth you emitted on the ride back to Tannyhill making him feel like he was wrapped in a blanket, his thoughts get muddled between his perverse and benevolent thoughts. Still, one’s he’s not willing to tell you just yet.

Rafe doesn’t sleep the rest of the night; he sees you every time he closes his eyes, which in turn makes his heart and mind pulse rapidly, causing Rafe to toss and turn all night, getting no sleep.

He finally succumbs to sleep after he sees the beginning of the orange and pink shades of the sunrise gleaming through his window, putting a smile on his face, comforting him enough to fall asleep thinking about the way you looked when you blushed at him, calling you beautiful.

————————————————————————

The next day, you stayed for brunch with the Cameron family, minus Rafe; he didn’t show up, and nobody was sure where he was, considering his door was closed and no one saw him. They asked Sarah to knock, and she returned, saying, “He’s still sleeping, I think.”

It was lovely getting to know your new friend and her family and learning about their dynamic.

Everyone sat laughing and talking when Sarah kicked your foot under the table, making you look up to her; she nodded towards the Druthers. You see a boy who’s jumping onto the boat; you shake your head, indicating you’ll cover for her as she slowly gets up, saying Excuse me quietly and making her way to the dock and down on the boat; no one pays mind to her leaving though you can faintly see her before suddenly Ward says to you.

“So (F/N) what made your family move from California to the Outerbanks?” you look up at nearly the whole family looking at you anticipatory; you clear your throat and take a sip of water. The easy answer is your dad’s surfing business wanting to expand.

The honest answer was a lot; though you never wanted to be home, it seems like you could never leave home; it was never-ending the cycle of you feeling Luca. Whenever you took a step out the door, you’d start to sob and turn right back around and go in again. Since coming to the Outerbanks, you’ve been out more than you have in the year since you got the call: “There was a storm. Luca and Cameron, they can’t find them, but they will”

That sentence rings through your head, making you feel like spiders are crawling in your stomach and creeping up to create intricate webs on your bones.

You smile the best you can, noticing Sarah walking back to the table, looking somewhat frustrated with her conversation, simply replying, “It was time for a change, and Dad wanted to expand.” before you can say anything.

Sarah plops down as if nothing happened and says, “Sorry, I forgot this on the boat. What did I miss?” she smiles and holds up her phone even though Sarah has had her phone the whole time looking at you before you can say anything Ward says “Just getting to know (F/N)” he smiles at you.

“What does your mother do again?” you go to answer, but Sarah says, “C’mon, Dad, let the girl eat!” he chuckles, and you say, “It’s alright, she’s a history teacher.”

You check your phone and see your reminder going off. “I’m so sorry to be so rude, but I just realized my mother needs me to help her today, so I have to go,” Sarah smirks at you, knowing exactly where you are off to

You exchange pleasantries, secretly reminding Sarah to text you later about the boat. She vehemently shakes her head, and you’re rushing through Tannyhill, bag in hand when suddenly, you run straight into a firm, broad chest.

Long, strong arms immediately wrapped around your waist to protect you from falling on your butt. The fresh woody and citrus notes seem to encircle your mind and body, and immediately after that, you go from tense to relaxed, your head resting with your ear against the chest of the person and your heart thumping rapidly. You smile, closing your eyes and saying, “Rafe.”

Rafe's arms tense around you, and you hear him huff out a breath, looking up into his cosmically blue irises; he’s already looking down with a slight smirk when he says, “What’s got you in such a rush, Angel?” his husky voice dancing through your ears.

Rafe is shocked to see that you’re still here, and he’s even more shocked you’re still allowing him to hold you in his arms like this.

Last night, the fact that you ran away with Sarah so fast when you almost kissed made him think you didn’t mean any of it and maybe you’d gotten drunk at that kegger.

Now, though, as he looks down, you rest your chin on his chest, looking up at him; you look so small to him, saying in your discernible melodic voice

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bump into you. I’m off to help my parents.” Rafe grunts out a croaky sounding “Where sweetheart?” and hearing how he said it made you start to word vomit everything you can think on the spot.

“Dad wants to make new advertisements and asked me to accompany the ambassadors today for a photoshoot. I have an eye for that, at least by Charlie’s standards. Also, since it’s about being here and he wants me to take over eventually, I’m supposed to be in the commercialization like how dad used to, and I’m just nervous.” you giggle slightly, realizing if you kept babbling; he’d stand, and hold you while you did.

Noticing this, you went to step back, but his hand didn’t leave your waist. Your hands dropped to his, laying them gently over his hands.

You both look back and forth at each other for a moment, searching the other's eyes, not knowing what to do or what move to make. Rafe had the urge to drag you up the stairs to his room, throw you down on his bed, and kiss you on every expanse of skin exposed to the eyes he had roaming you.

You feel the look he gives you like an apex predator hunting small game, waiting for the moment it turns its head to check in the other direction before it pounces; in the few seconds you stand there, you can feel the way his fingertips dig into your side like he’s afraid you’ll vanish before him for some reason that feeling makes you pull towards him.

Both of you feel the pull between you like an invisible string slowly yanking until it creates the perfected knots; your faces are even closer, then you can feel his hot breath fanning across your cheeks

Rafe gives it one nudge, pulling your body closer so both of your chests meet, eyes still locked; he could feel every curve and angle of your body pressing perfectly against him; it left his skin tingling all over his body, touching you like this.

He also could feel how warm you were, like you’d been laying out in the sun tanning on the hottest day of summer, but it made the blood that usually runs cold with anticipation get warmer. He leaned down just a bit to ghost his lips over yours.

In the lightest voice he could muster, he asks, “Would you like an escort to this event, ma’am?” he watches the corners of your lips curl, making his stomach twist and turn and a smile creep on his face.

You say, lips almost brushing his back. “I can protect myself this time, big guy, but I appreciate the offer.” Before Rafe can register what you’re thinking, you’re leaning into his lips, placing such a chaste peck it left his lips feeling like hot coals had burned them.

The next thing he knows, he hears your melodic laughter bouncing off the walls as you skip towards his door and smile from ear to ear, just like the day you met. Rafe couldn’t move, shocked not only that you had already kissed him but also that he didn’t react to it.

He watched your back, knowing it was in your nature to vanish. The best part about you is that you bring all of this joy wherever you go, and when you’re gone, you take it with you, but the aftershock of your nature leaves ripples like waves in the ocean, which seems to be the constant reminder of you to Rafe.

Your (H/C) hair bounces from side to side, wisps flying backward toward him, almost calling him to follow where your footsteps take him.

Once you make it to the front door with it slightly ajar, the sun creating a halo, you look over your shoulder to Rafe, saying, “See you around, Reef.” you are out the door before he can respond.

Rafe takes a minute to readjust himself and rewind what just happened in his mind because he, for the first time in his life, doesn’t know what to do with you.

It seems like when you’re around, his mind appears to shut down while also going into overdrive. After a few minutes of contemplating, he turns to walk outside to his family and is met face to face with Sarah, who’s looking at him disgusted.

Immediately, Rafe looks at her with a scowl, saying, “Why are you looking at me like that?” Sarah scoffs at him and walks right past, saying nothing and stomping her way up the stairs.

This entire show of emotion makes Rafe roll his eyes, yelling at her up the stairwell, “Drop the fucking attitude, Sarah. You don’t need to be so god damn difficult always; speak, stop acting like a child.” with this, he hears her door slam shut making him stomp his way to the kitchen huffing about her ruining everything for him.

On the walls outside Tannyhill, after taking a leap of faith and kissing Rafe, you sat in your Jeep outside the home, looking up at the vast white building and thinking everything anyone says about him is wrong; he’s just a boy who wants to be loved.

Whenever you do something and turn back to see if he’s looking, his eyes never seem to leave. When you call, he comes. He is always saying what you feel you need to hear. These thought makes you giddy and send you to The Hut to meet your parents, feeling like you’re on a cloud, gracing your face with a brilliant smile and a new rhythm in your heart.

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The next day, Sarah and Rose came over to invite you and your mother to go and sit with The Mason family later that morning, and you both gladly obliged.

They were a kind, small family of just Mr. and Mrs. Mason; they also had a sweet little girl who was only six years old; her name was Ellie; when the mothers were talking, you and Sarah were sitting on the porch steps looking around at the damage Hurricane Agatha created neither of you talking just observing the surroundings every once and awhile Sarah would text presumably Topper on her phone.

At some point, Ellie comes up to you, tugging on your pants to get you to look down, and she asked you if you would walk around the yard with her; you looked to her mother, and she shook her head, waving her hand and saying it was fine so you kneeled next to the girl smiling holding her by the shoulders saying “I would love to go on a walk with you” she looks at you wide-eyed and whispering, “Do you think Sarah will come to?”

Sarah picked up her head, hearing this on the spot. She looked like she was in a world of her own before. Her eyes are soft but show such care as she says, “I would love to join your walk.” she puts her hand out for Ellie, and you all walk down the porch and around the yard, talking about princesses, her Barbie’s village, and her Elephant that’s been missing since the storm.

At some point, you’re sitting on the dock while Sarah and Ellie walk back and forth down it, and you see three figures emerge from the side of the house; two of the boys wave towards the mothers sitting on the porch, and one stands with a drink and sunglasses staring right at the dock which is so obviously Rafe.

You look away, somewhat nervous seeing him after the kiss; when you glance away, you spot what looks like a stuffed animal under wires and grass.

In a moment, you stand calling Sarah and Ellie, pointing and asking, “Did you take your elephant in that boat?” she shakes her head vehemently. This makes Sarah kneel, asking about her stuffed animal and then saying she’ll get it.

“Sarah, are you sure we don’t know if those wires are live?” she smiles and laughs, waving you off. “It’s fine (F/N). I doubt it, but I can be careful.” She starts to climb onto the plank, and you kneel, taking Ellie and wrapping your arm around her shoulder, taking a step back from the dock, rubbing the side of her shoulder gently.

Rafe talks with Topper and Kelce, eyes tracing from his sister being stupid to you. He can’t help but smirk and sip his drink, thinking about how good you look, being caring and especially caring towards a child. You seem to be protecting the little girl, which makes Rafe smirk deeper into his drink.

At this point, all the moms are yelling, and Rose has come down trying to coax Sarah. Then none, to Rafe's surprise, Sarah pretends to be shocked, which makes everyone except Rafe and you panic.

Topper yells, rushing forward, and the moms gasp; you have the little girl tight in your arm, eyes wide in shock, and Ellie screams, “Sarah!” starting to cry; you pull her head to your neck, gently shushing her, saying, “No, no, she’s okay, it’s okay,” he can hear the slight quiver your voice makes which makes him roll his eyes scowling at Sarah knowing she’s doing this purposefully.

Your head pops up at the sound of Sarah laughing. Like little Ellie in your arms, your horrified faces turn to small smirks at the show Sarah put on. He takes one more look at you, waiting to see if maybe you'd look back, but you don’t, so he turns to head to Tannyhill.

After all of this, your mother calls your name, holding her phone and shaking it, “(F/N) Crush Waves, we gotta go.” your eyes go wide, remembering that you’re meant to be going to promote at the Charleston convention center they were putting on a Surf and Water sports event your dad wanted to go and set up a booth for some networking of the new branch of The Hut.

Once Sarah is back by Ellie, you rush off, but not before you look back to where Rafe was standing before, seeing him disappearing around the corner, frowning but continuing your pace off and out with your mom.

————————————————————————

Sarah🎀🦋: Want to come to the church's beach cleanup? Save the sea animals and get sand between your toes. Plus, your lead singer is going 😏

You wake up the following day to this text from Sarah, making you laugh and immediately messaging back.

(F/N)🗺️🌏: Sure, you can always use a little sand and some Kelce in your life.

You immediately get ready wearing shorts and a cropped shirt that says St. Jeffersons Athletics, which used to be your brother's years ago. You brush your hair and teeth, throw on some mascara, walk over to Topper's house, and knock.

The door is swung open, and you are met face to face with Topper's mother smiling “(F/N). What a pleasure to see you; what brings you here?” You go to speak, but you see Topper's head pop up from behind his mom, saying, “Hey (F/N), come in, Mom, she’s coming to the church to clean up with us.” she moves, and you walk through the door.

Topper takes you up the stairs to his room; you walk in to see Kelce lounging back, playing video games; when his head turns and sees you, he jumps up, walks over to you, and wraps an arm around you. “how are you, girl?” you smile hugging tightly back before you both step back while letting go saying “Pretty good going as usual” you all make friendly conversation for a few minutes before heading off to the beach.

Topper left separately from you and Kelce on his boat to pick up Sarah while Kelce drove you to the spot, allowing conversation.

He showed you different places as you passed on the island while listening and car partying to music; at one point, he stopped at a house and said he’d be right back, and you presumed it was his house by the way he slammed the door.

When Kelce re-emerged from the house, he looked at you, smiling, holding a considerably large water bottle, shaking it in the air, hopping back in the car, and handing it to you.

Your face scrunches, and you lift the bottle to your eyes, inspecting it. “What is this exactly?” you ask questioningly; Kelce laughs at the look on your face. “Don't worry there, pretty girl, just some fuel for us for clean up; trust me, these things tend to be a little taxing.” With that, he pulled off from the house towards the beach.

When you got to the beach, you listened to the pastor talk a little before he sent you all off; most of the event, you spent with Wheezie and Kelce so as not to intrude on their time. Sarah did, although, come and ask how the surf event went, and you let her know only a few small league surfers showed up this time, but Dad's table ran well; he ran out of business cards to distribute.

Sarah also ranted to you about the attitude John B gave her and how he stole scuba and got fired, blaming Sarah, but she didn’t tell Ward. You frowned at the fact he stole, not seeing the reason he would need to return something you’re stealing; essentially, the boy lost a job over the air, but you shrugged, saying, “I don’t know, Sarah, he’s gone through a lot maybe give him a little slack, he’s alone now. he misses his dad and is trying to figure it out on his own.” she stares a moment kinda shaking her head and squinting her eyes.

She also asked if you could help her cover if Ward calls looking for her and says she’s staying with you, and you agree; after these conversations, Topper comes back to walk with Sarah a bit, leaving you to talk to Wheezie also at some point during the conversation Kelce had disappeared.

As you walk up and down cleaning the surf with Wheezie, you hear her scoff, watching Topper and her sister; you look at her, eyebrow arched, asking, “What is it, Wheez?”

She whips her head to you with a scowl. “Sarah is what it is? She has been sneaking around, and she’s not telling me anything, but I saw John B leave the boat the other day, and she’s been sleeping there; she’s just being weird.”

Wheezie continues walking with you, throwing trash she sees in bags and stomping her feet; this makes you slow a bit, and say to her, “I used to think the same thing about my brother until he covered for me one day when I really needed him to.”

You stop waiting for the girl to turn to you, and she does, getting ready to say something, but before she can, you smile, cutting her off. “You may not understand or like your sister's actions or decisions, but she’s the only sister you've got, and she’s always going to love and protect you no matter how mad you get. Just remember that.” she sits thinking for a moment, slowly shaking her head

When you feel an arm wrap around your shoulder, you stiffen slightly until you see the mystery liquid from earlier shoved in your face; you hear Kelce through a chuckle behind you, saying, “Need a fill-up.”

You grab the bottle, take a sip, and wince at its strength. You hand it back to Kelce, and he walks to Sarah and Topper, you and Wheezie not far behind, and has them take a drink. Wheezie grabs it, making your jaw drop, and you start laughing while Sarah asks Wheezie, “Since when did you start drinking?” She shrugs and smiles. “Today.” This makes Sarah scold Kelce.

You all giggle, and suddenly, the Pastor walks around the corner to ask how you’re all doing. Topper calls to him, “Looking great, sir, we’re,” Kelce adds, “clearing the stretch.” he hides the water bottle of alcohol while you and Sarah say simultaneously, “Just hydrating.”

Eventually, it is the end prayer, and you guys are heading out; you tell Kelce you will head back with Topper and Sarah to help her on mission ‘Ward doesn't need to know.’

Sarah will ride back to your house with you, so Ward thinks she’s there. So Tooper drives you back to Tannyhill, and when you see Rafe's bike out front, it makes your heart skip.

Suddenly, Wheezie is pushing past you and Sarah, fast walking on the dock back to the house; you both exchange a bemused look and follow her slowly into the house.

As you go upstairs, you can hear Wheezie getting sick, and you look to Sarah, who shakes her head, letting you know she’ll be good. You walk to Sarah’s room, peeking to see if Rafe is home, but his door is closed, so you go into Sarah’s room, choose a book from her bookshelf, and lie on her bed looking through it.

When Sarah comes back, she asks you to talk to Ward with her, so you make your way down to the porch; on the way there, you and Sarah can hear Ward scolding Rafe; you stand back while Sarah sneaks up to listen; you can hear little bits, but it just makes you look down at your shoes to keep yourself from feeling too much guilt intruding.

At one point, you catch Ward's voice becoming more stern than before. “You need to get it together, Rafe, or you can go live on the Cut.” You don’t hear a response, but you do listen to him raising his voice at him and repeating himself and scolding Rafe for laughing at him.

What makes your blood boil is when you hear him say to his son, “Now get out of here; I’m sick of looking at you.” They go back and forth until Rafe walks through the door. And he hears Sarah, and he looks at her with so much coldness, scoffing and turning.

When you both make eye contact, it’s like everything goes on pause; you go to say his name, but the rage and wounded look in his eyes overtake you; he shakes his head and continues walking; you follow slightly, saying, “Rafe-wait” and your heart dropped when he kept going straight out the door.

Turning back to Sarah when she called your name, a slightly confused look shakes her to the porch; you slowly and cautiously move towards the porch, now feeling somewhat different about the man on the other side.

When Rafe made it to his bike, he whispered a hard “fuck” and then got on his motorcycle off to Barry’s to try and make up for all of this.

————————————————————————

On the drive to your house, music plays in the background; you don’t say much as you get closer; you finally speak up, saying, “Does Ward always talk to Rafe like that?” Sarah looks at you, squinting slightly, almost like she doesn’t know why you care. “I know he may seem charming to you (F/N), but it’s an act. Rafe sees everything and anything as property, and the more you have, the better you are; he’s got problems.” She shakes her head, looking forward, and you park the Jeep in your driveway.

Sarah turns, grabbing you by the hand, looking into your eyes, an earnest look on her face. “I know you may like him (F/N), but I care for you, and I don’t want him to mess around with you as he does with everybody else.” you slowly shake your head and say, “We’ll have to see what time will do.” with that, you’re slipping your hand from hers and opening the door smiling your usual smile but with slight discomfort and disappointment shadowing you “Have fun with Top Sarah.” she starts to say “(F/N)—“ but you’ve already closed the Jeeps door and are disappearing into your house.

When you enter, your mom and dad see you come through the kitchen entryway to the stairs, your mother trying to stop you at the bottom. “Hey Peanut, how was the beach cleanup?” both your parents stair at you, expecting excitement as usual, but they’re met with your back, and you say, “Fine.” they let you continue up the stairs after you are gone from view your parents look at each other, and your mom says “I’ve got it.”

When your mom knocks on the door, you are lying on your bed holding the sea shell bracelet you and Luca made when you were eight.

He had gone and found all the shells, and your parents helped you both get the tools to glue hooks, and you made it a bracelet, then Luca insisted you keep it. Sometimes, you wish you could ask him what to do cause he was the only one who knew you.

You hear a knock and sit up to see your mom open the door; she comes to sit in your bed with you a moment before saying, “Honey, what’s going on?” you sit for a short time, and she sits next to you, rubbing circles in your upper back.

After a while, you speak up, “The people out here seem so mixed up, like that Ward Cameron mom today. I literally heard him say to his son’s face he is sick of looking at him who even says that to their child.”

You throw your head in your hand, shaking it. “Also, there is Sarah; don’t get me wrong, I like her, but she’s so judgmental of him.” Saying this makes you stand, turning to look at your mom. “This whole island does, Mom; he’s been so sweet; he reminds me so much of Luca.” this part makes you pause, looking wide-eyed at your mom, who looks back softly.

A long moment passed, and your mom stood walking to you, taking your shoulder in her hands, brushing a hair from your eyes, and gently saying, “My sweet girl, the world will sometimes turn the victim into a villain, but you, my girl are so bright do what you know best ride the waves let it take you where you know” she kisses your forehead and leaves you to think.

————————————————————————

A few hours later, Rafe’s at Topper's getting ready for the party; when he’s in Topper's room grabbing the coke from his bag, he sees you lying on your window seal, looking out towards the bit of the sea. You can see at the back edge of the house, and your windows open, you are singing along to “In My Mind’ by Lyn Lapid

Rafe sees the sadness in your eyes; even from this far, your brow is creased, which makes him want to come over and run his thumb to make your face rest; it is too pretty to look so sad.

He opens Topper’s window, hearing fully now your voice rings out, singing; he sits on the edge and watches as your voice carries through the window.

Your skin seems to have a soft glow on it from the lights of your room. Your hair was wet like you’d let it dry after jumping straight in the ocean, creating beachy waves, making it look layered in beautiful shades of (H/C).

He listens to the words in the song but in your tone, making it feel like it’s just for him; he hears you sing

“Oh, but darling, running ain't enough to escape from

The monsters in my brain

People say I'm quiet most of the time

If only you knew what goes on in my mind.”

At this point, he can’t help but lean out, calling to you, “Your voice is very angelic; it reminds me of something.” your head whips towards Rafe's face, beaming, “Hey, Rafe.” immediately, your face drops.

You say, trying not to be loud but just enough for him to hear you. “are you okay?” he shakes his head, smiling. “Don’t worry bout me, angel; say how you would like to come to the party tonight.” you nod your head immediately, making Rafe smirk as you close your window.

He watches you scurry around your room, getting ready and still smiling, hoping for something good.

————————————————————————

By the time you make it over to Topper's house, there are people everywhere, and you are bumping into someone everywhere you walk till you feel a warm hand grabbing yours; you meet the smiling face of Kelce with a drink in his other hand. “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming.” you smile back and move your face to his ear cause the music and people are so loud, saying to him, “I wasn’t, but someone asked me to come.”

This makes Kelce smile almost shyly, and he turns his head to your ear as he says, “Cmom, let’s get you a drink, and we’ll chill by the pool; it’s less crowded.” you shake your head, eyes scanning the crowd for any sign of Rafe but you don’t see anything over the number of people. It’s so crowded you kept getting pushed, so you’ll hope he looks for you soon.

You were by the pool sipping a Gin and Sprite, talking to Kelce and a girl named Myra when you heard people yelling, “Toppers on the roof.” you looked over, laughing, knowing this is exactly what your friends back home would do Kelce nudges you whispering “10 bucks he belly flops” This makes you laugh throwing your head back grabbing his arm to steady yourself

You look at him with seriousness, saying, “I’m not gonna bet on my friend's pain, but 20 bucks he gets Sarah out there with him, and she freaks out halfway down,” giving him an evil smile.

He laughs, throwing his arms around your shoulders and pulling you closer to his side. You wrap your arm around his waist while he says, “You know, I like how you think I think we’re gonna be real good friends.”

You laugh again, laying your head on his shoulder, saying, “We are friends, weirdo,” watching Sarah and Tooper jump from the roof, you both celebrating for them and laughing as he hands you a 20 since you called it.

From afar, Rafe could feel his chest constrict, and his blood started to boil. You and Kelce were looking way too cozy for his liking. He didn’t even know you’d made it here yet, that is, until you laughed at Kelce and ran off with the girl Myra he knew from being in school.

Rafe watches Kelce's eyes trace the other girl, not you smirking; he walks off into the party until he can sell the coke; he can’t get distracted.

He’s got to do that before he can talk to you and do the things he’s been thinking about.

————————————————————————

When you eventually see Rafe again, you walk up from behind with Myra beside you. You look at the table covered in drinks and money and some white powder. All of the girls are talking and staring at Rafe, and he’s charming; the one he sits next to is bumping knees with him, and he leans back all of a sudden like he’s relaxed. Topper walks by you looking pissed off; you try and say

“Hey, top you alr—“ but he walks past you, and Rafe notices him, bringing the girl’s attention to Topper; catching your eyes for a moment, you frown, looking from him to the enormous group of women to the powder and he continues catching your eyes every few seconds as he talks.

When you see Kelce making his way to you and Myra, you nod at him and slowly disappear into the house and push through the house until you make it to the front quickly; you make it to your home and slowly and quietly go upstairs, laying in the darkness of your room staring at your ceiling.

You thought about the act Rafe was putting on, and it makes you think back to the hardware store and all the comments about someone named Emma.

Was Rafe really what they made him out to be? Are you just another venture to conquer for him? These thoughts make your mind spin like a whirlpool getting out of control.

————————————————————————

After hours, you can still hear the music from Topper's house, but it’s gotten much quieter. You lay looking at the photos, missing home, your friends, and yours, and Lucas spots everything that reminds you of him.

Then, like a message from heaven, you hear the pit-pat of something hitting your window; you get up and peek out to see at the bottom, Rafe has little rocks from Topper's driveway and is tossing them at your window

When Rafe eventually sees your face appear in the window, he sighs in relief after he did that last sale and bumps with Topper; he had gotten up to go over to you, but you are already gone.

Kelce said he saw you go into the house, so Rafe checked everywhere; he even accidentally walked in on some couple doing it in Topper guest’s bathroom, having to do a slight double take to make sure your cute floral skirt you wore was nowhere in sight lucky for him it was not you.

You open the window, saying with a smile and harshly joking tone, “You’re gonna break my window there, Romeo.” he chuckles, looking at his feet, saying back while looking back to you, “Can I come in?” you shake your head motioning towards the front.

That’s where you meet at the door; you open it, and he can see the darkness casting shadows on your (E/C) eyes; you immediately grab his hand and drag him with soft feet up the stairs; he follows willingly, and you guide him to your room where the window his now closed along with the shades this makes his head tilt, but his head turns to you when he hears your quiet voice say “What was all that about Rafe.”

He stutters for a few seconds, but you stand patiently, waiting for a response before he sighs and says, “It was coke.” your eyes start to get comprehensive, but he rushes to you, taking you in his arms. You stiffen slightly and say, “It’s just a party fix, angel, not a regular thing. Plus, I was selling for a friend tonight.” you start relaxing, but he can feel you shiver slightly.

“Be careful doing that kinda stuff, Rafe; you could get hurt, or what if you get add—“Before you can finish, he cuts you off, taking a finger to your chin and lifting it so he can meet those gorgeous eyes looking back and forth between both of them mapping both of them out and how your face was twisted in worry and care.

Rafe smiles at the look, making a warmth spread throughout him, whispering as he gets closer, “Are you worried about me, angel?” you smile shyly, simply shaking your head, and that’s when Rafe leans down and captures your lips with his.

Slowly, you feel yourself nearly melting backward; you take a step back, dragging him with you, and he feels it too, the way your tiny fists curl into his shirt; he keeps on walking with you slowly, letting you guide him, lips barely breaking contact until, eventually, you make contact with the mattress at the back of your knees. You almost fall, but Rafe grabs your lower back, putting his arm out, gently laying you back, and caging you underneath him.

You both break the kiss, breathing heavily, staring at each other, almost shocked. Then Rafe feels your small hands come up to cup his cheeks, pulling him back down this time, you kissing harsher.

He feels the tip of your tongue brush his lips, and he opens his mouth, taking control and exploring the sweet taste of your mouth; he runs his tongue gently on the underside of yours, coaxing a small moan to ring through Rafe's ears.

You slowly run your hands up from his cheeks to his neck, splaying your fingers through his hair, feeling how each strand slides easily past your fingers.

He’s kissing down your jaw to your neck, hands trailing your sides until one ghosts the side of your breast and moving back down, you quickly grab his wrist, moving it right onto your left breast, putting your hand over his, moving his to grip the fat of your breast this makes Rafe moan and grind his hips down in between your legs setting off a small whimper feeling his hard length pressing your core he hums a gruff “Do you see what you do to me, princess.”

Suddenly, Rafe feels you pushing him back, and he quickly moves, thinking he’s gone too far, when all of a sudden, he’s staring at you, who’s wearing a smirk;

You remove your shirt, tossing it to the side; he eyes your breasts lying on your chest; they look so soft, and as your chest has made contact with the cold air of your room, your nipples perk slightly.

Rafe's eyes trail down, watching how your figure maps out from your chest to your stomach down to the swell of your hips and to your thighs still lying on the bed.

Rafe looks at your smile and your eyes. He then just quickly removes his shirt, dropping to his knees in front of you, kissing your knees up your thighs, whispering, “I didn’t believe there was any way you could get more beautiful, but you’re always proving me wrong, princess” you lean your head back enjoying the feeling of his lips pressing to your skin like a car heater getting warm after driving five minutes in the brisk winter air.

He makes it to the bottom hem of your sleep shorts with his lips looking up at you as his finger hooks into the waistband of the shorts. “Can I?” Saying nothing, you lift your hips, and he quickly tugs away your shorts, revealing your olive green laced bikini-cut panties.

Rafe takes a considerable breath laying his head face down on your thigh; he can feel his cock throbbing painfully below, leaking precum onto his boxers under the shorts he wore. he sighs once more, saying with his head still down, “I’ve wanted you so bad since I saw you, but I don’t want to fuck this up” you guide him to look at you.

“I want you, Rafe,” and with that, Rafe had his fingers hooked in your panties, pulling them down and kissing up and down your knees to your thighs; you sighed, relaxing back, feeling his lips and hands trail you when he hooks his hand under one of your knees; you quickly allow him to pull open legs and he lets out a breath saying

“Holy shit, you’re dripping wet, angel. I haven’t even touched you yet.” You whimper from the cold contact from the air but also his words when, all of a sudden, you can feel his hot breath right next to your core, and then you feel his lips pressing a chaste kiss to your soaking wet bud.

Rafe starts to slowly suck on your clit, one hand coming up to tease your hole, making circles around the opening. This sensation causes you to squirm, making him smirk a moment, saying, “You like it, princess?” you shake your head rapidly, stating, “Yes, yes, please more.” he immediately dives back in, unable to hold back, hearing you plead.

As he goes back in, he slowly slides a digit into your tight hole simultaneously while sucking your clit, feeling you immediately squeezing his finger tightly and pulling him in. he licks strips up and down your clit circling his tongue when he gets to the top.

He hears you making a hissing noise, so he stops moving his finger and looks up immediately, asking, “Does that hurt?” you shake your head, eyes closed, and head back. “so good, Rafe” you let out a pant making Rafe slowly add another finger moving them skillfully in and out of you which makes your back arch off the bed he pulls his head back lips glistening with your wetness “you taste so fucking sweet, but you look even better angel god damn your killing me” the hand that was fingering kept its pace. His other came down to trace the hard length in his shorts.

He kept his pace, looking at you and hand back to gripping any part of your body he could reach. He could feel your slight fluttering around his digits, and then your voice came in a small pant “I need to feel you, Rafe.” he wastes no time removing his fingers from you and reaching his hand to your mouth; you open and gladly swirl your tongue around his fingers, moaning.

Rafe lets out a groan, removing his finger and leaning down, grabbing your chin, kissing you hard, teeth and tongues clashing for dominance.

He feels your small hands tug on his shorts and say, “Please, Rafe,” which makes him chuckle at the whine you let out when you can’t pull them down.

Brushing a hair out of his eyes, he reaches into the waistband, untying his short's drawstring. He cups your cheek with a hand, looking into your eyes, and says, “Are you sure you want this? Cause once I have you, I don’t know if I’ll ever stop wanting you.”

The way you answer him is by tugging his shorts down to his knees and letting them fall the rest of the way to the floor.

Then you fall back on your bed laughing, hands behind your head, body strewn on the messy sheets from your moving around; you are smiling at him like he’s the only thing in the world.

Rafe smiles at you and climbs on top of you, slowly pumping his length; he’s smiling down at you. “You are something you know that right?” you smile, placing a kiss on the apple of his cheek. “says yo—“

Rafe doesn’t let you finish as he slowly presses his length into your opening, making your eyes blow out, and your mouth fall open; he brushes hair from your face, saying softly, “Shh angel, let me make you feel good.”

He moves his hips slightly at first. The feeling of your pussy pulling him in makes him groan and bury his head to your neck, sucking lightly on the skin, moaning at how much he feels you stretch.

You bring your hands to his back, nails dragging down the skin lightly, whispering in his ear, “Rafe.” this makes him rut his hips faster, feeling your legs shaking already, making him groan. “You like that, princess.”

“Yess,” you said breathlessly, gripping the back of his neck till it turned white under the pressure. He groans, feeling the way you tighten around him, and he lifts your leg to get a better angle, the other hand coming down to rub circles on your clit, laying close to hear the little breaths and whimpers you release.

When you connect your lips to his, you can’t help but release a moan at all the tension he seems to be pulling from your body; he smirks but starts to feel his balls tighten and hips stutter.

When he quickly leans back to pound into you, you bring your now free hands to grip and massage the flesh of your bare breasts. He moans, saying, “You’re gonna be the death of me, Angel.” his unsteady thrusts go faster. “God, you are so sexy.”

The pace he’s set has you whimpering and moaning loudly until you are nearly lifting your hips. He has to push you back into the bed. He's pressing so hard you know it will be bruised tomorrow.

At one point, he seems to brush the spot deep in you, sending a moan tumbling from your mouth with the words, “Gonna cum, Raf—“ but right as you are about to say it, your whining and cumming all over his dick.

The feeling of your pussy fluttering and pulsating on his cock makes him thrust one last time, letting out a throaty “Fuck yes, baby,” releasing his seed deep in you falling to hold himself over you catching his breath and leaving chaste kisses to your jaw, neck, and cheek.

He pulls out of you, and you can feel his cum leaking down your legs; he quickly walks to your en-suite bathroom, grabs a towel, and gets one side damp, walking back and cleaning you up, whispering sweet nothings about how your body is a dream and how beautiful you look even in the darkness.

Eventually, after you both clean, you crawl under your comforter, lifting it to him, who’s still standing on the side of your bed; he tosses the towel toward your laundry hamper, lifting the blanket and putting one arm under your head, you immediately curl into his chest.

You nuzzle your head, feeling his warmth and woody citrusy scent and rhythmic heartbeat. Rafe lays his other arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer, feeling your even breaths and smelling the ocean breeze and coconut scent. Both of you falling into a comfortable sleep feeling warm and content.

————————————————————————

The following day, you woke to the side Rafe occupied the night before, empty but still slightly warm; you blinked the sleep from your eyes a few times to see a sticky note on your vanity mirror; you hopped out of your bed, pulling it off, reading.

Angel Girl,

Leaving you in bed like this is nearly killing me, but Topper made me promise to golf with him. Meet at the Marina later. I’ll take you out. Thank you for last night, Angel. You are a dream.

- Reef ❤️

You smile, reading it, and hear a knock and your dad call through the door. “You decent?” you call back to him, hurrying for clothes. “one sec,” throwing on shorts and an old school shirt from last night and kicking your panties under your bed. “Come in.”

Your dad walks in smiling, carrying what seems to be some folder. “Hey, peanut, you don’t look ready.” you tilt your head questioningly, and he chuckles. “Remember we’re meeting Mr. Orien for golf; he wants to talk the deal over a game.” your eyes widen, and you shake your head, running off to the closet. “Yeah, sorry, slept badly. Be down in five.” your dad nods his head, leaving the room, saying, “Don’t rush too much. You’ll give yourself a heart attack,” and closes your door.

Then, 15 minutes later, you were in the car with your dad on your way to the Island Club for the business meeting; when you got there, you spotted Topper's truck, but you knew it was unlikely for you to see Rafe till later

Nearly half an hour later, in the middle of you and your dad golfing, you are on the third hole, and you tell your dad you want to walk to the main clubhouse and grab a soda; he shakes his head, knowing you weren’t the biggest fan of golfing.

On your walk back, you are thinking about Rafe and how you hadn’t felt like you did last night in a long time. It has been a year since kissing someone, still holding out for Luca. Something was different about Rafe; he reminds you of Luca so much in so many ways but is so mysterious in others.

You’re broken from your stupor when there is commotion by some voices ahead of you; suddenly, you hear a distinguishing voice: “Hey, Rafe, Calm Down, man.” Then clear as day, you heard him scream, “Stay down bitch” You walk as quick as you can toward their voices coming into view; you watch as Rafe slams a golf club right next to the ground by someone who looks familiar.

You stand watching him as he yells at the boy on the ground; your heart shatters watching the man who was so gentle with you the night before going as far as to leave you a note to wake up to hurting someone and being so vulgar. You watch him crouch over the boy, and Topper turns to see you, making you hurry into the bush so that he can’t catch you.

Rafe finally diffused slightly but still taunted the boy, Tooper looking back to where you were standing, eyes trailing to you, giving you a look of pity and fear. Your back goes straight against the tree as you hear them running off, and you round the corner to see the boy rolling on the ground, trying to get back up.

You rush, and as you get closer, you see Pope nearly tripping over the sand, and you drop on your knees next to him, hands ghosting over his body, saying, “Oh my god, oh my god, are you okay? I’m so sorry. What can I do ?”

He groans and says, “It’s not your fault, but help up would be much appreciated.” you stick your hand out and pull him up and help lightly brush the sand from his body

You look down and help pick up what he had. Pope is still standing. “I’m sorry, Pope, I can’t believe the—“ he grabs the things in your hand, turning while saying, “Just go (F/N); you don’t need to be seen with a Pouge.” he turns, walking. “Pope—wait.” you try and catch up to him. He is gone before you can even try to say anything else.

Hanging your head, you go back to your dad; when you reach him, he sees the look on your face, and when you sit in the golf cart, not moving or talking, he walks up asking.

“What’s up, Peanut?” you shake your head, eyes scanning the grass for the boy you saw who you thought you had all wrong.

Your mind is racing a million miles thinking about last night and how you felt so connected with him, and then seeing how he treated Pope shocked you. It made you second guess everything you thought.

Maybe Rafe was precisely the person they said. Perhaps you’d be another girl on the notch of his belt. Then you think of the note and the boneyard incident. You were broken in your thought when Dad nudged you, letting you know it was time to return the cart and go home.

————————————————————————

As your dad drove you home, you laid your head against the window, listening to the music he let you put on, ‘Logical’ by Olivia Rodrigo, playing slowly as you watched the leaves creating patterns from sunlight casting through the windows and on the ground.

You could see slightly past a line of trees, all the people at the beach, the sun shining down. All of them are smiling, and all you can do is trace your finger along the window's glass back and forth, trying to keep yourself from thinking nothing stopped the tidal waves of things hitting you from all sides.

You thought about everything with Rafe and how everything around him felt genuine and solid. You could tell Rafe was dangerous when you met him but not aggressive, and these thoughts scare you. There are so many complex parts of him, but to see him letting out his rage on someone who you know didn’t deserve it any sense not like that.

Then you think about your night together, how he touched and held you all night. He was so gentle; this wasn’t your Rafe, not the one you know at least, and you don’t understand why things with you are different.

As the chorus plays, you sing along, head resting now on the window, looking forward just staring off, ‘If rain don’t pour, and sun don’t shine, then changing you is possible. No, love is never logical.’

Your dad's eyes had been flicking from the road to you when he finally spoke up, watching you wince, making him break. “Honey, you know you can talk to Dad, right? Does this have to do with that Rafe boy?” you wince again. He gives you a sad look, pulling to a parking lot that looks out at the beach, leaving the car on but turning to grab your hands, making you look at him.

The second you make contact with your dad's soft brown eyes, your entire heart drops, and you sob, falling into your dad's arms. “I’m so stupid, Dad. I don’t know why I keep making these choices.” He holds you in his arms, running his hand down the back of your head.

“Honey, does this have anything to do with me seeing Rafe and Topper pretty disheveled leaving the sandbar walkway?” you shake your head, looking up at him. “It’s so much more. I am so confused.” he puts his hand on your cheek, brushing tears away. “My sweet, beautiful girl, if he knows how much you are worth like I do, which I think he does, he’ll show you it.” you shake your head. “That’s just it, Dad; he does; he’s perfect with me; it's not exactly that, but there is a whole other side he hides from me. I don’t know,” you finish looking down, shaking your head.

Your dad chuckles, which makes your head whip up “(F/N); sometimes people are afraid if you see a certain part of them, it will make you run; maybe he just doesn’t want what the people of this island say about him to shape who he truly is; he’s just a boy who’s learning let him come to you sweetheart he will I’m sure and whatever he’s done, be calm, don’t lie, tell him what you know and ask him; let him explain see his reason sometimes you don’t always fully know what’s happening within someone or around them” your dad wipes the rest of your tears and turning back to drive you home.

———————————————————————-

When you get home, you lay in bed with Rafe's note lying next to you on your bed right next to the ring Luca had given you; stare at both and think, what would Luca say and think? Would he hate you for your choices? You think about Jason, who’s always given you the best advice, feeling he’s so far; now this isn’t something you can get help with over the phone; you think about Pope and if he’s okay, hoping he is.

You think of Rafe.

————————————————————————

Across the island, in his room, he is getting ready to meet you at Marina and take you out. Finally, he wants to sit down and talk and know more about you; he puts on one of his nice button-downs and jeans and grabs his phone while running a hand through his hair, setting his phone on the counter as he clicks the call button.

My Angel ❤️

As the phone rings, Rafe brushes his teeth; it keeps ringing as he washes his mouth out until, finally, the call goes to voice mail. Rafe sets down his toothbrush and shoots you a text

Rafe🪸: Hey Angel girl, I’m about ready; when do you want to meet?

Rafe waited for nearly an hour before he got a response back from you that had him stirring with anxiety

My Angel ❤️: Not feeling well. Raincheck?

You’d never sent him such a short response; this immediately had him Facetiming you; this time, you answered, and you were in your bed; he smiled when he saw your face.

That all changed when he saw; it looked like you’d been crying, making him say, “Hey, sweet girl, what’s happening? Are you okay?” you stare at him, almost looking shocked that he asked, then you shake your head like you’re snapping yourself out something making Rafe frown and tilt his head. After you just stared at him, he quietly said, “Baby girl.”

This made you snap out of the wait, and finally, you said, “I’ve just been getting sick today. My stomach is killing me, and I think I should stay home.” Rafe looks at you worried, and you shake your head, starting to say, “I’ll be fin—“

Before you can finish, he says, “I’ll be there in 20 minutes; hang tight.” you were trying to say, “Rafe, no, wait—, “ but he was already off the phone, and you went to text him that he didn’t need to come that you just needed to rest and sleep only to see a message.

Rafe 🪸: Don’t even try to say no, Angel. I said I’d be there, so I will see you in 20 minutes, stopping by the store. See you soon

📍location shared

You stared at your phone for so long, knowing what you saw happen to Pope was uncalled for and unnecessary, but the feeling you have for him is something you can’t help; he already fills many voids you think have been gaping in you for so long.

You are lying on your bed holding the note from this morning to your chest, phone in the other hand, staring at the bit of the horizon; you can see bits of orange cast glow over the houses and grass. You don’t even notice until after you've sent it.

My Angel❤️: Okay, thanks, Reef; see you soon 🪸❤️

You hope you’re not setting yourself up for something you know will end in tragedy. Then you think of what Dad told you, ask him, be calm, let him explain. As you lay in your bed, that’s what you'll wait to do.

All rights belong to the owners of Netflix and the Outer Banks. I do not own any characters except OC characters. The fiction is simply for fun. All copyrights belong to the original owners.

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silverhallow · 3 months

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Bridgerton drabble: A Princess Diaries AU

Part #1 Sophie’s Choice.

A belated birthday gift for @bridgertonbabe and @sophiebernadotte

Wasn’t life as a princess supposed to be fair? Or maybe not fair, that might be the wrong word. She was privileged, she knew that… even if she had only known she was a princess for a few short years.

Royalty led lives that were in the public eye, normally having been raised in that environment, but here she was… sitting in a country that she’d only known about for 4 years, listening to her grandmother scolding her for jeopardising the wedding that was to take place in a few days time, which would then lead onto her coronation a week after that and it was all Sophie could do not to throw up or cry because she knew her grandmother was right… she had ruined everything.

She’d always dreamt she’d marry for love, that she’d find a man that made her stomach fizz, give her butterflies, that would make her heart skip a beat and her palms sweaty and her feet pop when she kissed him. She wanted the kind of love her mother had told her about, that her mother had experienced but due to the unfairness of her situation, it was an arranged marriage or lose her throne. Those were her options.

A throne that until she turned 16, she had known nothing about.

She had been blissfully unaware that her father had been a Prince… Prince of a tiny country in the middle of the Italian and French sea. Her mother had kept it from her, taking that secret with her to her grave.

Her mother had died 10 weeks before Sophie’s 16th birthday, which was the day her entire life changed.

She’d been stopping with her best friend Kate Sharma and Sophie had been in English when the poshest woman Sophie had ever seen in her life came in and dropped the bombshell of all bombshells on her over a cup of tea…

Which she promptly spat all over her “grandmother's” face.

She was a princess.

A bastard princess but a princess nonetheless, and the only living descendant of the Gunningworth line.

Her father, Richard, had passed away 9 months earlier and to Sarah’s knowledge he had been childless.

It was only after discovering something in her late-husband’s writing desk, did she learn that there was in fact an heir.

Her.

Sophie was saving the country from being taken over by the Cavender’s. Their son Phillip had a terrible temper and an even worse reputation at just 17 years old and had once been rulers of their own lands until the people revolted and won back their lands and banished the Cavender’s but their royal blood was connected to Penwood and now it was Sophie, or the Cavender’s and Sarah was determined that her throne would not pass into their hands.

She had learned that Reginald had sent Esme away when she was pregnant with Sophie, he didn’t want a child out of wedlock and he certainly didn’t want the Crown Prince, only Heir to the Throne marrying a commoner and so she’d been paid off and shipped off back to England. He provided money monthly to keep Esme quiet and Esme had been promised that she and her unborn child would be left alone and the secret of Sophie’s birth went to the grave with her.

Reginald had known about Sophie and he had been working out how to tell his wife that they did in fact have an heir and where they could find her, and what had happened, his own guilt weighing in after he’d pressured Richard into a marriage with a woman that bore no children between them other than two step-children who could not inherit the throne but when Reginald died 3 months after Richard it had thrown a spanner in the works as he’d not gotten around to telling Sarah the truth.

Sophie was dumbfounded.

Sarah was Regent, as they had their heir but she was underage and she was able to prevent Cavender getting his hands on the crown.

Since Sophie was underage she would learn the role, but upon turning 20 Sophie was told she’d have to take over the throne, she would get 6 months post her 20th birthday to marry and be crowned Queen otherwise, Cavender would take over.

So Life changed.

Gone were the days she was invisible, where she could blend into the background with Kate, sitting laughing about Shakespere and just being a teenage girl to…

Being a Princess.

She stayed in school but Kate was almost glued to her side. She worked at her studies, she travelled back and forth between the countries as she learned.

Once she was 18, Sophie moved to Penwood and Kate and her family came with her, they’d been her family when she had no one else and Kate wanted to work with Sophie, for Sophie as part of her staff once she’d graduated from University.

And Sophie knew from the moment she moved to her new home that she wanted to be Queen, that she would do anything to be Queen. Her beautiful country that she was learning to love, the rich culture and history that was hers to protect and nourish and the more time she spent there, the more she got to know the people, the more she knew she wanted to be Queen.

So between her studies, her Queen lessons with her Grandmother and getting to know the country’s leaders, she was starting to look for a husband.

Not just any husband, she needed someone titled, not in line for their own throne, someone who understood her importance as Queen. Someone harmless, inoffensive, who would stand there by her side and be a pillar of strength and a symbol but would let Sophie lead.

She would be Queen, and she knew finding a husband would be hard but she had time… or so she’d assumed. She was only 18 after all, she had two years. How hard could it be?

From the moment the plane touched down, Sophie knew that whatever she’d thought her life was going to be like, nothing compared to the circus it was becoming

18 turned into 19 and Sophie had still not found someone that she wanted to marry, any male around her age that would be eligible was not interested in marriage, any man she met at a bar knew who she was and wanted a piece of her as a trophy.

She was to be Queen… Everyone knew that. “Your highness, you must know there isn’t a man on this planet who isn’t interested in marrying you, but it is finding the right person for you who will make your everyday life easier, who makes the mundane fun and who makes you smile” her Prime Minister Edmund Bridgerton had told her as the days got closer to her 20th birthday and she had still not found someone to be her husband, time was running out and she was getting desperate.

“That is all well and good my Lord but I have 6 months, we have 6 months to make this work or everything has been in vain” Sophie sighed during their weekly meeting. Sophie loved meeting her prime minister, They had joked on a number of occasions it was a shame that his title came with his position and didn’t transfer to his children since he had eight of them and the two eldest boys were a little older than Sophie and Kate, she’d yet to meet Benedict who was off travelling and studying and she got on well with Anthony, who was training to take over from Charlie as the Royal Household Chief of Security once Sophie ascended to the throne.

The little wrinkle there was Anthony was dating Kate. Kate was working up to the role of Chief of Staff within the palace and eventually they would run the palace between them and despite their prickly start, Sophie thought they were perfect for one another but it served as an almost daily reminder that she didn’t have that and she needed that. 6 months to fall in love, marry to become Queen…

“There are other ways around it, your grandmother is reluctant to bring it up because she knew how much you wanted to find someone the traditional way but there is always an arranged marriage, I am sure between Ms Gibbons, your grandmother and my wife Violet, they’ll be able to come up with a list of possibilities for you. Aim for friendship first, it worked for your grandmother… love everything else, it is lovely but friendship and companionship will hold you in just as good a stead” Edmund explained

“That’s easy for you to say, you married the love of your live and have 8 children” Sophie replied flippantly but sighed “but I shall think about it, it is likely to be the only option”

“Speaking of my children…” Edmund grinned and Sophie rolled her eyes

“Smooth… what are they after this time?”

“It’s nothing actually just Benedict is back from his travels eventually this weekend after being away for the last two years studying and he is on the last portfolio for his masters and I was wondering if perhaps as a small favour we could add him to your official photographers list up to the coronation and allow him to capture some more… candid photos of the next few months”

“Why not, some candid ones will be lovely I guess after all the formal things…” Sophie said “and i’ll make sure there is a ticket to my 20th birthday party for him as well, if he is back in time that is, it would be nice to meet another of your ridiculous brood. but I will give some thought to your suggestion, having some of those possible bachelors come to the party and meet them…” Sophie sighed.

But after the events of her 20th birthday, Sophie had known it was time.

The only person she’d met the night of her birthday party, the only person she’d felt a connection with had been someone she knew she had no chance with.

She’d been walking through the party, trying to get away from Prince Hans and his incessant staring, as well as Lady Rosamund who was making snide quiet remarks about how it should be her that was going to be queen when Sophie had run straight into a stranger stomping straight on his foot, the most handsome stranger she’d ever met.

It was only after she’d danced and flirted with him and spoke to Kate, did she realise that it was Benedict Bridgerton and it had broken her heart almost instantly.

She’d assumed he was one of the many suitors her grandmother had invited for to meet so to realise who he was, that he was untitled, he was, despite being the son of a Lord, not someone Sophie could ever hope to get to know on a more intimate and romantic level… she knew based on the rules that had been set out for her future husband, it was a no go.

So the morning after her party, she’d called Kate, her grandmother, Ann Gibbons the current chief of staff and Mary and said “it’s time”

A week later she was sitting in the palace movie room with the screens up, profiles up as she looked through all the eligible bachelors that would be interested in an arranged marriage.

Two hours it had taken, going through picture after picture before Sophie had spotted one.

Yes he was a second son but he fit the bill where no one else did. He was the second son of a Duke. His older brother was already married and had twins, their line was secure, he was a Sir. He had a title, a ceremonial one but all the same…

Sir Phillip Crane was everything that Sophie had been looking for.

He was the same age as she was, he was academic, he was cute. He was someone that Sophie could see herself being at least friends with…

It was a start.

And it had turned out Phillip was everything that Sophie could have hoped for. He was kind, he was funny and they seemed to have a lot in common and Sophie knew she’d made the best possible choice…

Or she would have thought so if it wasn’t for Benedict being everywhere she went.

She’d forgotten about her agreement with the Prime Minister and being Anthony’s brother, and he seemed to get on really well with Kate. he was always there.

The torment Sophie felt was horrible, she felt attracted to Benedict in a way she knew she’d never be attracted to Phillip but she knew that she could never be with Benedict and have the life she so desperately wanted.

She wanted to be Queen, she wanted to rule this country that she’d learned so much about, that she was so passionate about and she was close to mucking it all up.

Two weeks before the wedding it all came to a head when during the summer party, Sophie had slipped away from Phillip, leaving him with Kate and Benedict’s sister Eloise as she wanted to get out of her head. Cavender’s son had been lurking and making lurid remarks about her and she just wanted 5 minutes.

She’d given her ladies maids the slip, and was just sitting on the edge of the fountain, trying not to hyperventilate.

She’d not seen Benedict at all during the party, he was employed during these events to take photos as part of her agreement with his father and she knew that it was the last thing she needed. Whilst she desperately craved him to soothe her frayed nerves, she knew being around him was making it worse.

They’d had many a spirited debate about Bryon, about poetry and art and she always seemed to know when he appeared, her skin tingled and pricked but he knew as well as she did, that whatever there was between them, wasn’t possible.

With the way the rules of the country where, fate was destined to keep them apart.

But that day… he’d caught her unaware, they’d given into a moment of weakness and kissed.

It was only when Sophie’s beloved dog Bernie, had come running through the fence with voices behind him, that they’d separated and in their shock at nearly being caught, they had tumbled into the fountain.

It had been the start of her downfall.

She’d confined Kate how she felt about Benedict, how she wished things could be different and she knew that Benedict had felt the same and how she couldn’t have him around her anymore because it was breaking her heart.

Benedict had agreed to step away, to leave his position because he knew the country needed Sophie more than he did and he would never have forgiven himself to do anything that would have ruined her dream to be Queen,

But he’d asked if he could see her one last time before he left, before he walked away and Sophie would marry Phillip and Sophie had agreed as long as no one found out.

But someone had found out. Someone had overheard and warned the press that if someone followed the Prime Minister’s son… they would find a scandal.

And whilst it wasn’t as big of a scandal as it could have been, Sophie and Benedict had just talked, shared a kiss or two, they’d fallen asleep under a tree in the grounds of the castle and it was upon waking that they’d been spotted…

And Sophie was sure her life was going to fall apart.

Sarah yelled at her for over an hour about it, about how she should not be sneaking out and despite the fact she knew how her granddaughter felt about him, she could see how devastated Sophie was about the choice.

Heart or country.

It was a choice she’d known all too well but Sophie knew what she wanted.

What was required of her… it was just a matter of if Phillip would still want to marry her.

“Phillip wait, please! Let me explain! Nothing happened” Sophie said as she ran after Phillip a few hours later after he’d arrived at the palace so they could talk.

“Yes but you went Sophie, you still went didn’t you?” he replied, his voice was strangely calm and not angry and Sophie wasn’t sure if she’d rather he’d been angry or not “I don’t think you understand… despite my geekiness as the press back home call it, I am an extremely eligible bachelor” he said, though Sophie could tell he cringed a bit at the words, knowing he didn’t like to big himself in that way. “I really am. I’ve got plenty of friends, lots of lovely… erm women friends” he said gesturing as they looked at one another

“But i… I still think marriage is a good idea.” he said and Sophie looked up at him in disbelief as Phillip’s face softened as they looked at one another,

“Sophie…” he said, before taking a step forward, placing his hands on either side of her face and kissing her.

It was the first time they’d properly kissed, it had been a brief kiss on the lips when they’d gotten engaged, the same on the balcony when they announced their engagement several weeks ago and as kisses went…

It was the most awkward kiss either of them had ever experienced.

It was like kissing a sibling. It was so awkward Sophie was sure the entire world stopped moving and she could hear the cows in the field several miles away Mooing…

Eventually Phillip pulled away and Sophie with her eyes still shut brought her hand to her lip to almost wipe the kiss off as she had Phillip looked at one another again

“So?” he asked “anything?” already anticipating the answer.

“It was lovely… just… there was no…” Sophie said

“Spark?” they said at the same time and Sophie groaned as she knew what the right thing to do was.

“What are we going to do?” Sophie said her voice breaking a little as she felt herself close to tears. The wedding was a few days away, she’d come this far and now she’d thrown it all away.

Phillip sighed and took a step forward putting an arm around Sophie’s waist, rolling his eyes as the security guards shovelled up the stairs behind them

“No privacy…” Sophie grumbled.

“Sophie… you chose me… and I accepted” he said pressing an almost brotherly kiss on her head “I accepted and so we’re going to stand up in the church next week and say “I do” and become man and wife… and then you’re going to be crowned Queen of Penwood and make the most amazing Queen in the history of this great country” he said tenderly, honestly and a smile on his face that made Sophie feel like perhaps everything could be okay.

“Thank you” she whispered as she kissed his cheek as she smiled back at him.

This was it. Her choice had been made. Country and Duty over her heart. Phillip was a good man and she could do a lot worse…

#bridgerton #bridgerton drabble #Benophie AU #Princess diaries AU #benedict bridgerton #sophie beckett #sir phillip crane #benophie #benedict x sophie

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naughtyneganjdm · 11 months

Text

On the Run - Chapter 6

Summary: After Joel has time to think about the conversation he shared with Y/N, he goes off after her only to discover she is missing. Together with Negan they try to find her.

Characters: Joel Miller (The Last of Us), Negan (The Walking Dead), the reader (OC, third person), etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47007172/chapters/119587423

Warnings: Swearing, severe angst, etc.

Guilt was one of the strongest motivators in making a decision and right now, guilt was eating away at Joel as he sat alone in his room after his discussion with Y/N. Letting the whole situation linger and thinking about all that took place in such a short amount of time was really weighing heavy on Joel. Everything he said could have been done better and he knew that. Having Y/N run out of here crying made sense the longer he thought about things. Everything she learned today was a lot to throw on one single person. First, she learned about the million-dollar bounty on her head because of her father. After breaking down she returned to Joel’s room to hear him call her ‘not the one’ when he was talking to Sarah. That would hurt anyone. Also knowing that he was considering leaving her to be with his family had crushed her. Rough was an understatement when it came to her life. At this point, he wished he could just shut his feelings down for her, but he felt bad for everything he did and said. When it came down to it, Joel was only making the decisions he was because of Tommy and Sarah. While he found himself comfortable with Y/N, he knew that if he were to get with her his family would always be at risk with someone always looking to hurt her father. And he couldn’t have that.

So much was going on in his mind and he couldn’t focus on one thing. Sighing loudly, Joel looked over his shoulder behind him at the bed. He remembered what it was like to be lying in bed with her earlier enjoying the comfort he got from it. Over the last few days they really had gotten closer than they ever had with one another. During that time Joel did think maybe something more could come from their relationship, but it took Bill saying what he did to reassure Joel that nothing could exist between the two of them. Yet, those feelings he had developed for her were still lingering. Groaning out, he got up from the bed. Trying to talk himself out of this, he knew that it would only lead to negativity, but he couldn’t just sit here. Heading over toward the door, Joel knew that he had to talk things out with Y/N. While he knew she was sad, he needed her to understand that his decision wasn’t made because of her. Having her think that it was because of her and not his family bothered him. Before he could reach the door, it pushed open almost hitting him in the process with it when Negan was revealed behind the door.

“Hey, where is Y/N?” Negan questioned looking beyond Joel to survey the empty motel room.

“I don’t know, I was about to go looking for her too,” Joel responded pointing beyond Negan toward the outside. “If she’s not out there taking a breather and she’s not with you, she’s probably with Poppy or alone in her room to get some air.”

“Did something happen?” Negan inquired noticing the expression that was over Joel’s face. Sure, they were in a tense situation, but it seemed like something else was going on. The expression Joel gave Negan when he asked only further told him something was up. “What happened?”

“I’m sorry Negan, but it’s really none of your business,” Joel explained going to move around Negan only for Negan to put his arm up and press his palm firmly against the wall making Joel huff when Negan trapped him in his room. Looking down at Negan’s arm, Joel tried to count to himself so he wouldn’t end up erupting on Negan for what he was doing. “Negan, you’re hurt. If someone were to do this to me in general, I would have punched them.”

“What did you do?” Negan demanded of an answer making Joel roll his eyes and step back to gaze over Negan.

“I told my daughter that I wasn’t ready for a relationship and Y/N wasn’t the one,” Joel was honest watching Negan’s arm slowly sliding down. Even though it was none of Negan’s business, Joel was going to be honest with Negan since he was sure Negan would find out eventually anyways. Better to hear the truth from him. “I’m also considering leaving and going to Bill’s. You heard Bill. Bill said the three of us aren’t on the bounty. It’s just her. I can go pick Tommy and Sarah up from Rick’s. I can be with my family where I am meant to be. Together, we’ll go to Bill’s so I can keep them safe.”

“Okay, now I get it,” Negan frowned stepping away from the door. Rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, Negan knew that Y/N was going to be emotional after hearing all of that. Looking over his shoulder, he knew that the thing Y/N would need the most right now was support from someone who would understand what she was going through. “I guess I should go find her.”

“That’s what I was about to do,” Joel went to move beyond Negan again, but Negan stopped him. Clenching his fists at his side, Joel was having a hard time keeping his anger in with Negan using his height over him to keep Joel from leaving the room. “Listen, don’t be a judgmental dick. I’m not a piece of shit for wanting to put my daughter first. Okay? I like Y/N, I do. I think we both know that, but when it comes to this situation, my daughter comes first. I can’t have her be with Rick Grimes forever. I can’t continue to be on the run.”

“I don’t disagree with you,” Negan held his hand up in the air trying to get Joel to turn down the anger that he had toward Negan. “I do think your daughter should come first. Children always should. I would question you if you weren’t putting your daughter first. I just don’t think it’s for the best that you try to talk to her because you’re just going to upset her more.”

“Mind your own business,” Joel shoved into Negan forcing his way out of the room hearing Negan following him not far behind as they went toward her motel room. Looking inside the window at the front Joel could see that her room was dark on the inside. Gazing through the blinds, Joel looked closely just to make sure that she wasn’t in there before heading over toward Poppy’s room to knock on the door. Having Negan following him not far behind was infuriating Joel at this point. “I can do this on my own.”

“Listen, I’m doing my best to understand your situation and I want to. I really do. I think you’ve been a bit of a dick over the last two years, but I can see you’re trying to make up for it,” Negan started hearing Joel grumble something under his breath before turning to face Negan with a glare. “I just think sometimes you just let shit flow when you are trying to explain yourself and sometimes you hurt people more.”

“Don’t lecture me about being a dick,” Joel grunted, his brown eyes narrowing while staring out at Negan. “Not after what we learned about you today.”

“What the fuck are you trying to say?” Negan’s eyebrows furrowed, the annoyance in his face growing when he stepped in closer to the smaller man.

“I’m saying you play off this woe is me I loved my wife more than life itself and you were cheating on her with her best friend. Do you know how fucked up that is?” Joel snarled at Negan seeing the expression change in Negan’s hazel eyes. Originally, Negan was attempting to be understanding with Joel, but right now Joel could see rage flooding into Negan’s features. “You’re a fucking loser Negan. And you have a power trip because you have a powerful job.”

“What you heard today was none of your business,” Negan emphasized his words closing the distance between him and Joel to the point where the warmth of his breath was felt over Joel’s face. “I don’t have to explain shit to you. I did and I do love my wife more than anything in the world. I had issues. I felt pathetic for losing my job. For letting her down and for just being an overall fuck up. We were trying to get pregnant and we couldn’t. I thought it was my fault because I thought I was sterile. I didn’t realize that Lucille was sick and the problem was never me. I did something fucking awful because I felt shitty about myself. I know it was wrong. But I gave that shit up and turned my life around for Lucille because she was everything to me.”

“Once a cheater, always a cheater,” Joel rolled his eyes and went to turn away only to feel Negan shove him firmly making Joel stumble back. Moving forward, Joel pushed into the center of Negan’s chest doing his best to avoid the gunshot that was healing on Negan’s shoulder to return the gesture that Negan had given him.

“You’re ex-wife cheated on you, huh?” Negan bobbed his head about, his jaw clenching while he felt his fists curling at his sides seeing the smaller man before him angry as well. “Yeah, people that do that fucking suck. I was a piece of shit. And I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to be on the other side of things. But you didn’t have to become a cold ass prick because your ex cheated on you.”

“I’m not a cold ass prick,” Joel repeated what Negan said and Joel stood tall hating that he even involved Negan in on this in the first place. “Yeah, she did cheat, but it was good that she abandoned us because she was abusive. Not only to herself, but to us too. But I’m not a bad person because of it.”

“Joel, come on,” Negan grumbled, his jaw clenching when he thought about the things that Joel had pulled on Y/N. “Do you know how fucking awful it is that Y/N tells you constantly how much she loves you and you fucking blow it off every fucking time?”

“How does that make me a bad person? Would you rather me lie to her?” Joel demanded an answer seeing Negan step back and look him over. “I don’t know what love feels like Negan. I was with my wife and I thought I loved her, but she abandoned both Sarah and me. I know I love my daughter, but I don’t think I’m capable of loving someone in a romantic sense. I care about Y/N. I feel deeply for her. But I just can’t say that because I don’t feel it. And even if I did feel it, what good would it do in this situation?”

“Wow, you’re something else,” Negan rolled his eyes and shook his head when he went to knock on Poppy’s door again, but Joel pulled him back only to shove him again. “I don’t want to fight with you. Believe it or not, while I hate you for what you did to Y/N I don’t dislike you. If you fucking hate me, hate me. I don’t care. But I don’t want to fucking fight with you.”

“Boys?” Poppy’s voice stammered after she saw Joel’s expression softening. It had been a while that she had been standing there at the door, she just didn’t know how to respond considering they were fighting. “What can I do for you?”

“Is Y/N in there?” Joel cleared his throat after taking a minute to think about what Negan had just said to him. All the time they had been spending together Joel was certain that Negan hated him, so to hear that Negan didn’t dislike him just surprised him.

“I thought she would be with you since she’s been loving your cuddling for the last few days Joel,” Poppy responded pushing her door open enough to show that her room was empty with just her in it. Her comment made Joel feel bad as he lowered his head and sighed. “Is she in her room?”

“I looked and it was dark,” Joel answered seeing Poppy motion them to wait. Grabbing her nail file, she managed to go over to Y/N’s room and pop the lock. Joel gave her an impressed expression before moving into the room. “Nice.”

“I know my way around things,” she retorted as her and Negan followed Joel into the room to look to make sure it was in fact empty. “Where is she?”

“I have the keys so she couldn’t have left,” Joel informed them reaching for the keys from his pocket. The SUV was still in the parking lot. They split up and walked around the building along with checking in at the office to see if she was there. And she wasn’t. When they gathered back Joel felt his heart racing. “Where the fuck is she?”

“She told me she was hungry and wanted me to get her something to eat, but you know that there is nothing in walking distance to get something to eat, she just…” Negan began hearing the sound of booming music fill the air making all three of them jump. Looking in the distance they saw that the night club was starting to fill up and Negan sighed. “We need to go check there. It’s the only thing within walking distance.”

“And what if we can’t find her?” Poppy seemed desperate for an answer and it was clear that all of them were worried with her missing, nowhere to be found. “What if someone took her?”

“How would they know where she is?” Joel looked to Negan expecting some kind of answer from him and Negan threw his hands up in the air. “We don’t have cell phones, we’ve been driving the back roads. We’ve only really gone into small towns. We don’t tell people where we are.”

“No one has followed us,” Negan reminded them, folding his arms out in front of his chest. “We’re multiple states from where we started off. Across the fucking country. I don’t know how anyone would know where we are. Let’s just go search the nightclub and see if we can find her.”

Walking toward the nightclub, Joel let out a discomforted breath when he approached it. The last thing he liked to begin with was being in big groups of people. Joel was a loner and he hated these kind of places from the beginning. So the fact he was being forced to search it bothered him. As they all went to walk in, Joel felt the bouncer pressing his hand firmly into the center of Joel’s chest after Poppy entered. That was the second person today that used force to keep him from either leaving or going in somewhere and he felt like he was about to erupt.

“Ladies get in free, the two of you need to pay,” the bouncer demanded of both Negan and Joel showing the sign that was on the door. Fumbling for his wallet, Joel dug for it and then pulled out the money for both him and Negan to get in. Poppy had been waiting for them at the front dancing along to the exceedingly loud music that was booming throughout the building. Lights were flashing and they were bright making Joel lift his hand up to block his eyes.

“I’ll check the bar, Joel you circle around the outside and Poppy you check the middle and the bathroom,” Negan commanded of the two of them looking to his watch that was on his wrist. “If you don’t find her in fifteen minutes, we can meet back at the bar together then circle back around.”

Without question Joel and Poppy did what Negan asked of them. Gazing around the area that he was in, Negan couldn’t believe how many people were actually there considering there were in the middle of nowhere right now. Pushing through the crowd made Negan think of his younger years and it made him feel uncomfortable. It was hot and suffocating with everyone on top of each other. People were dancing and he could tell that folks were just out to have a good time. But this was the last place any of them, well, except for maybe Poppy wanted to be right now.

Once he got to the bar, Negan’s eyes looked over each person inspecting them carefully to see if Y/N was there. The bar was busy and people were loud trying to overtalk the music that was hard to really hear over. Heading toward the edge of the bar, Negan let out an exhausted exhale when his eyes fell upon Y/N at the end of the bar. In front of her it looked like she had gotten herself a drink. Stepping around the crowd of people, he moved into the seat beside her and wondered if she would even realize that it was him because she seemed so lost in herself.

“Want to go in the back and get frisky?” Negan leaned in to speak in her ear making Y/N turn to look at him. Knowing that his voice was very unique, it had to register with her that it was him almost immediately.

“Funny,” she muttered with a shake of her head and she downed the rest of the alcoholic drink before waving on the bartender to get her another one of whatever she was drinking.

“You do realize that you are taking pain medication right now, right?” Negan reminded her when the bartender filled up her glass. Reaching for the glass once the bartender left, Negan moved the glass to keep it from her. “You’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep doing that.”

“Negan, I have a bounty on my head. I’m going to die anyways, so I might as well go out doing something worth it,” she outstretched her arm trying to grab the drink from him, but he blocked her from being able to get it and it made her huff loudly. “What the fuck does it matter Negan? I’m just going to fucking die and there is nothing to live for.”

“Knock it off,” Negan demanded of her making her jaw flex when she leaned back and sat down on her seat fully. Anger flooded Negan’s eyes and she knew that face well. Many times Negan had scolded her so it wasn’t the first time she had seen it. “There is a lot to live for.”

“What Negan? What is there to live for?” she begged him for an answer feeling exceedingly overwhelmed with what was going on since her birthday. “I have a bounty on my head that is fucking huge. My father, who is likely to blame for pissing someone off doesn’t even give a flying fuck that it is happening to me. In fact he would probably give someone one million dollars just for killing me. Joel is leaving. Bill gave him an out and he’s taking it.”

“So what?” Negan pushed making her face twist with upset. Throwing his arms up in the air, Negan pushed the glass further down the bar for someone else to get the drink. “I know that you love Joel and it feels like it is the end of the fucking world, but it’s not. Joel is just a moment in your life and he’s not worth killing yourself over.”

“You heard Bill. The three of you aren’t in on the bounty. They just want me Negan,” she recounted what they had heard earlier in the night. “The three of you are just going to leave and I’ll be on my own. I’m going to die Negan.”

“You’re never going to be on your own,” Negan hushed her when he raised his hand up in the air. Everything was very much overwhelming. He hated that he was screaming while talking to her, but it was the only way for them to interact in this damn nightclub. “I’m never leaving you. Ever.”

“You don’t have to die for me Negan,” she went to get up, but Negan reached out to place his hand in over her shoulder to keep her there.

“I don’t think you understand. At this point you are the only thing in my life that keeps me here,” Negan snapped, his eyes hooked with hers making her lips part. Feeling the ache at the center of his chest, Negan shook his head and inhaled deeply. “Everything that meant something in my life is gone. The only thing I have left that I care for is you. I can’t lose you. Losing you means there is nothing left for me here so I will protect you with everything I am. Why can’t you fucking understand that?”

“Negan,” she could see that his eyes were tearing over before her. The lump in her throat grew with the guilt she felt hearing that from him. Lowering her head, she slid in closer to him at the bar and shrugged her shoulders. “So it’s just going to be the two of us, huh?”

“If it has to be,” Negan responded with a determined expression. There was something lingering in her eyes and he could tell that she wanted to say something, but she was really thinking it out.

“So you were a high school teacher, huh?” Y/N wondered thinking back on the things that Bill said about Negan when they were on the phone with him. Mentioning that made the vein in Negan’s neck become more prominent and he nodded. “I can see it.”

“You can?” Negan looked over his shoulder to see her nod while she stroked her fingers over the top of the bar top.

“I can. I would have loved you to be my physical education teacher when I was in high school,” she commented, her eyes raising enough to make him roll his eyes in response to her smart remark. “I would have failed many times just so I could take your classes over again.”

“Shut up,” Negan scoffed, pushing at her arm faintly making her half laugh. “I loved that job. Believe it or not. It felt nice having the kids looking up to me. And it was nice helping them…putting them on their paths to make their lives better. I just fucked up. I have a short temper. I was with Lucille at this bar. We were listening to our favorite song. And this guy was being really loud. I think you knew Lucille enough to know that she was, well mouthy and stood up for herself. Got into it with this guy and he started calling her names. I’m not a man that likes the kind of names he was using, especially when it was my own wife and I erupted on him when he started getting in her face aggressively. I beat the shit out of him. And even when he was down, I kept beating on him. After that, I grabbed his wallet off of him. Took a dollar from him and then played our song twice. Unfortunately, the guy was the father of one of the students at the school I worked, so I lost my job after he threw a shitfit. I was put on probation and well, the rest is history.”

“You were just defending your wife and I think that’s honorable if you ask me,” Y/N gave her input on the situation, her throat going dry while she saw the internal war that was going on inside of Negan. “I wish that never happened to you. You had a job that made you happy and then you got stuck with me. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I put myself in the situation that I did,” Negan claimed with a shake of his head looking around at the people that were there in the club. In that place, Y/N and Negan were no one to these people. They were just two strangers in the crowd and he knew that, but he wished the two of them were alone for this discussion. “It’s my own fault.”

“Can I ask you something personal?” she muttered feeling a tension inside of her body that she couldn’t really describe. Maybe it was an intense jealousy or just hurt from all the things building up today. Nodding, Negan gave her the okay, but she could tell by his body language that he was uncomfortable. “What is it about me that is not desirable?”

“What do you mean?” Negan stammered, not expecting that kind of question from her.

“I mean there has to be something wrong with me. Right? Two years I spent on this relationship with Joel. I thought we were dating, I thought I meant something to him and I don’t,” she stressed her feelings about her relationship with the man that she was in love with. “But if what Bill said is true about you and…Janine,” once Y/N said that name it made Negan tense up and he forced himself to look away from her, “then that means there was something wrong with me too when it comes to you.”

“I don’t understand,” Negan’s throat was dry, the muscles in his body tense with uneasiness. “What do you mean?”

“It means you’ve been my bodyguard for quite some time Negan. You would have been around me when you had your affair and you knew how I felt about you,” she reminded him finally getting him to look at her when she reached out to place her hand in over his shoulder. Sadness filled Negan’s features and knew that he wasn’t happy talking about what he had obviously done. “Why did you have an affair with that woman when you knew how I felt about you? I was right there.”

“I didn’t plan on having an affair. Lucille and I were just fighting…” Negan thought back on his relationship with his wife making him sigh loudly. “Janine acted like she was coming over one day to talk to Lucille who wasn’t there and she made a move on me. I was so drunk that I just didn’t tell her no. Then it just kept happening. It was a moment of weakness on my end Y/N. It should have never happened. But it did. And for what I did I deserved to get my ass kicked. I loved Lucille more than anything and I still did that to her. I’m a horrible piece of shit. I always told you I was.”

“I get that, but you knew I was there and interested,” she might have been whining a bit and it wouldn’t make sense to most people, but all she could think about is how badly she wanted Negan previously.

“Because Janine meant nothing to me,” Negan responded, his jaw flexed with discomfort with his lips parting. “It was an affair that had no connection. No love. No feelings. I didn’t even like her. But with you, it would have been emotional. It would have been a love affair. And even though it doesn’t make sense it would have been worse for me to do.”

“You’re right. That doesn’t make sense to me,” she shook her head trying to put two and two together. “A love affair?”

“It probably doesn’t make sense,” Negan threw his hands up, his words coming out slow and unsure. “Having an affair with someone that I felt nothing for felt less harmful than having an affair with someone that I cared greatly for. Janine was my only mistake. But if I started an affair with you, it would have been the worst possible thing for my marriage because I did have feelings for you. And I was in love with my wife Y/N. If I acted on my emotions toward you, it could have gone horribly wrong for my marriage. I didn’t want to have an affair. I don’t even know why I kept it up. Both you and Lucille deserved much better than me.”

“I just think I’m incredibly undesirable,” she insisted hearing the music getting louder and she regretted coming here. This was something she would have done as a teenager. Not now. This wasn’t where she belonged. “The two men I’ve felt the most for in my life both never wanted anything to do with me. For you I was young and immature, for him…”

“I’m incredibly immature,” Negan snorted, his eyebrow arching in a moment of curiosity. “You heard what Bill said about me. I’m maybe visually desirable, but I’m a bit of a shit with an immature personality. My humor is that of a teenage boy. I’m the undesirable one. You have to understand that. Plus, if you would have been the person I had an affair with, I would have ended up hurting you at the time because I did love Lucille. With everything that I was. Lucille was the one person who stood with me my whole life. Supported me. Lifted me up when it should have been me lifting her up. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“But…” she went to say something more only to feel a pair of hands over her shoulders making her jump. Gazing back, she saw that Poppy was behind her with Joel approaching and pushing through the crowd interrupting her conversation with Negan. They always had the worst timing with these things. While she understood that Negan didn’t want to have an affair to begin with, she was shocked to know that she had these feelings for so long with Negan, but he had an affair with someone else when he was married.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Joel spoke up once he reached the bar making a chill flood throughout her veins with the way she felt like she was being scolded by him. Having Negan tell her off? Now that was something she was used to. But Joel? That wasn’t something she wanted to hear. “Why would you run off like that in the situation that we are in?”

“I wasn’t thinking clearly,” Y/N spoke up, avoiding eye contact with Joel when he moved in beside her. “I need to get away and I just saw the lights. We’re in the middle of nowhere. No one is going to know who I am. I needed a drink.”

“You’re drinking while on your medication?” Joel inquired, his chocolate brown eyes suddenly becoming worried upon hearing that. Both Negan and Joel hopped on that one which made her feel like she was being parented in a way by both men. “Why would you do that? You know that can hurt you.”

“Joel, babe. Bring it down a notch. I’ve done that plenty of times and I’m still here,” Poppy put her two cents in making Joel stare her down. It was obvious that Joel thought Poppy was a mess so her example was not going to be much evidence and proof for Joel. “Sometimes we all just need a moment to have a meltdown. I just wish you would have told me first so I could be here with you.”

“I feel like I’m a bother to everyone Poppy,” Y/N alerted her friend, turning on her chair so she could be more focused on talking to her. Everything was so hard to process over the last few hours and she didn’t know where to start with telling Poppy. Taking a glance to her right to see Negan and then to her left to see Joel, Y/N simply just shrugged. “The three of us spoke to Bill. He told us that I have a million-dollar bounty on my head. He also said that you, Joel and Negan were not part of the bounty. So you can leave. You don’t have to be here with me anymore because you will be safer if you’re no longer here.”

After hearing that, Poppy’s head lowered. Contemplation flooded her features and Y/N didn’t know what to say while her friend took her time to think about things before finally responding, “Why would I leave you?”

“What do you mean?” Y/N questioned, her throat tightening up when Poppy stepped in closer to her. “You’re going to be safer if you’re not around me Poppy.”

“What do I have back home Y/N? There’s nothing for me,” Poppy brushed her blonde hair back over her shoulder when she pushed between Y/N and Joel so she was closer to her friend. “I’m not going to get a big job. My grades are poor. I’m barely passing with my classes. I’m lucky I’m getting my degree to begin with. My family is always away. At least here I’m with someone I care about. And you should never be alone. Not with all of this going on. Being with you the last few days is the biggest adventure I’ve had in my life. I’ve always been a fuck up anyways. So we can just be runaways together.”

Hearing that must have made Y/N’s expression change because Poppy stepped forward to wrap her up in a big hug. Accepting the gesture, Y/N closed her eyes and felt guilty. Knowing that these three were all in this because of her to begin with made her feel bad. That’s all she felt lately was undeniable guilt and upset.

“How about a drink?” Poppy pulled back with a big smile.

“No,” Negan grumbled with a shake of his head making Poppy groan. “You can have one, but she’s not. Not with the medication.”

“You’re such a stick in the mud,” Poppy moved around Y/N over toward Negan so she could get the bartender’s attention in order to get herself a drink.

“Hey,” Joel called out, his fingers curling around Y/N’s upper arm to pull her to him while Poppy started up a conversation with Negan who looked like he wished he could have been anywhere else right now. “I know what I said upset you, but I wish you understood that this whole thing isn’t about you. There isn’t a problem with you.”

“But there is,” Y/N countered feeling her heart hammering inside of her chest with the way that Joel was looking at her. Being upset lately was just something she was used to with Joel and it sucked. But this time he felt bad about things. She could see that. “My blood is dirty. And someone like you can’t be with someone like me.”

“All of this is about Sarah. Not because of your father,” Joel tried to assure her, but he could tell that she was lost in the pain of the idea of not being able to be with him. “I’m telling you that if things were different, I would want to be with you. I mean it when I say that.”

“It’s easy to say something when you can’t follow through with it,” she scoffed back making Joel frown. It looked like he went to say something, but he got caught up in his thoughts. Expressing his feelings and emotions was something Joel was never very good at.

“Oh! My! God!” Poppy exclaimed so entirely loud that it made both Y/N and Joel jump. Which was surprising since it was so damn loud in the club to begin with. “I love this song! I love it so much. Come dance with me Y/N.”

“Poppy, I really don’t want to dance right now,” Y/N denied her friend of that making Poppy frown after hopping up from her chair and trying to drag Y/N away. “I’m serious Poppy. I’m sorry, I just can’t. Not right now.”

“Someone has to dance with me,” Poppy pouted looking between the three of them. Outstretching her arms, Poppy reached for Negan and grabbed a hold of his wrist. “Come on Negan. Come dance with me.”

“I’m not really a dancer like this Poppy,” Negan grumbled feeling Poppy use her strength to pull him up from the chair. “I can’t do much because of my arm. I’m not going to be much fun and I just…”

“Don’t care,” Poppy refused to listen yanking Negan toward the dance floor. Watching them from where she was seated, Y/N noticed that Negan stood frozen at the center of the dancefloor while Poppy started dancing in front of him.

“He doesn’t stand out like a sore thumb,” Joel chortled from beside her, sweeping his thumb in over her shoulder to get her attention focused on him again. Sadness was still there from everything that happened and he shook his head. “I really wish you wouldn’t allow this to hurt you as much as it has.”

“I’m in love with you Joel. How is this whole thing not supposed to upset me?” she pushed turning in her chair to face him. “Even though this whole thing is awful, for once I thought maybe something good was coming out of it with you. We were getting closer and for once I felt protected by you. Wanted. It felt like there was something more there.”

“There is something here between us,” Joel pointed back and forth between the two of them. “I just have a daughter. A daughter that is my whole world and I can’t let the last time I see her be when I left to go to your party Y/N. I have to keep her safe. If I wasn’t a dad, I would have happily considered starting a relationship with you.”

“You’re saying this to make me feel better,” she reiterated what she believed making Joel frustrated with how she viewed this situation. “The angry mind often speaks the highest truth. When you were angry, you thought I was trash just like my father, Joel.”

“I don’t think that. I apologized and I meant that,” Joel emphasized his words getting frustrated with the way she was thinking. “I know it’s hard to see outside of yourself right now, but you’re not the only person that is going through something here.”

“No shit Joel,” she snapped at him, standing up from the chair and pushing into his shoulders making him stumble backwards. “I just happen to be the one that has a bounty on her head that people want to kill. So please excuse me if I’m a bit self-centered in thinking about how I’m probably going to fucking die soon.”

“Y/N,” Joel groaned seeing her storming off into the crowd. Following after her, Joel tried to keep up, but got frustrated when he got trapped in a group of people. Pushing through them, Joel knew that she headed toward the door to leave the club and he stumbled after her. Once he got outside, he cussed out when he didn’t see her there. Walking around the club, he stopped when he saw her sitting on the curb and he huffed. “What is wrong with you? You can’t just run off like this Y/N.”

“You need to stop caring what I do,” she stressed keeping her head down to make sure that she didn’t look at him. “You don’t have to worry about me anymore Joel. I’m not your problem. I’m not your girlfriend. I’m not your lover. You don’t even have to be here anymore. You’re just going to have to stop caring.”

“I do care though,” Joel fought back, his voice rising when he found himself frustrated. “You’re being incredibly immature with this whole thing. I told you that if Sarah wasn’t around, things wouldn’t be like this. But I’m a father Y/N. You always knew that I was a father and being a father comes first.”

“I get that Joel, I really do,” she stood up from the curb, facing him and feeling her heart hammering inside of her chest. “I just thought things were headed in a different direction. After the other night with the way things were I thought maybe there was a chance that we could figure things out. Maybe I would be safe and then the two of us could be together. I could give up my connections to my father. We could have a relationship, maybe get married one day and have a family.”

Hearing that from her made Joel’s eyes narrow, his head dropping down, “That’s just impossible Y/N. I know that it’s hard to hear. I know that it makes you feel bad. With your father just being your father and this situation coming up, I see that my daughter would never truly be safe if I was with you. After all of this, I just have to put Sarah first. With Philip Blake attached to your name, Sarah would always be in peril. And I can’t do that to my daughter. For once, I have to use my brain and not my heart in this situation.”

“Wouldn’t want your potential future children to be a Blake, huh?” she swallowed down hard, her eyes tearing over at the idea of the loss of a future she longed for with Joel.

“It has nothing to do with that! How many times do I have to tell you what is going on?” Joel fumed getting more upset that she wasn’t listening to him. “Please, I know that you’re feeling bad and I get it, but life doesn’t have to end with me.”

“I love you!” she shouted at him making his jaw clench. “I love you, so it hurts.”

“You love the idea of me,” Joel responded, his voice quiet when he stood before her. It took a minute for her to register what he had actually just said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she didn’t get what he was saying and she gazed over toward the club again knowing that she wished she was anywhere but here with him right now. “You’re going to leave, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know,” Joel muttered, stroking his palm down over the front of his face.

“Don’t fucking lie,” she moved forward to shove into him again. Today Joel had lost count of how many times had been shoved. “I know you’re going to leave. You just feel bad about everything. You’re going to leave the second you get the chance. Just be honest about it and stop beating around the bush.”

“Fine, yes. I’m leaving,” Joel grabbed a hold of her after she pushed him again. “Tomorrow morning, I’m going to talk things out with Negan. Find out what he’s going to do with you and I’m going to go get my family from Rick Grimes. I’m going to take them to Bill’s and that’s what I’m doing. Does it make you feel better to know that?”

“Just leave now then,” she instructed pointing toward the motel. “There is no reason for you to stay. Get the fuck out of here Joel. No one means anything to you anyways. You’re just going to leave here and never see me again. Never fucking talk to me again and I won’t even be a blip on your radar.”

“That’s not entirely fucking true because I’ll be with Bill trying to figure this whole thing out,” Joel corrected her, his hands settling on his hips while he shifted his feet. “I need to know who is doing this just as much as you do. And I can’t just leave. There is only one car. I can’t leave you three stranded. I also need Rick’s address from Negan. So there is a lot that I have to do before I leave.”

“Whatever Joel,” she rolled her eyes and started heading back toward the motel. Footsteps were heard and she felt herself getting angry over the whole thing. “Just stop following me!”

“Someone has to,” Joel chided while he moved more swiftly to catch up. “You can’t just pretend like everything is fine because it’s not.”

“What does it matter to you? I just want to be alone in my motel room. I don’t think that’s too much to fucking want,” she insisted, her heart hammering in her chest at the anger that she felt toward Joel. “You know, I could have been happy with someone else this whole time, but I continued to pick you.”

“Come on,” Joel grumbled trying to keep up with her when she headed toward the motel. Getting to her room, Y/N opened the door and went to go inside until Joel grabbed a hold of her wrist to stop her while they stood in the doorway together. “Is that you trying to make me jealous? Bringing Negan into this whole thing? You never wanted Negan.”

“How could I make you jealous when you’re giving me up like nothing Joel? Remember? I’m not dating you,” she spoke the words he had earlier and she felt her throat tensing up.

“You could have been with Negan from the start. I wasn’t possessive of you. We weren’t all that serious, but it wasn’t Negan that you wanted. It was me. It’s why you’re having such a huge shit fit. You love me. I’m the one that you love,” Joel quipped making her let out a broken breath thinking about things. “At the end of the day? Negan is so much better for you than I am. We both know that. Negan is not complicated. He cares about you. At the safehouse, he’s the one that almost died for you. You two are perfect for one another, but you don’t want perfect. You want complicated. You want the love of someone you didn’t think was obtainable. You can’t use Negan against me when you could have been with Negan this whole time. And Negan is a fucking fool for you. Anyone with eyes can see it, yet here you are longing for me because I’m what you can’t have. When Negan is right there in front of you. You don’t want Negan. And if you do, maybe you’re just incredibly blind to the things he does for you. I don’t know.”

Looking down, she felt her throat going dry and Joel stepped forward to cup her face in his hands. Stroking his thumbs over the sides of her face, Joel got her eyes to lock with his and he could see that she was crying, “I don’t want to hurt you. In fact I was always jealous of Negan, but I realized a while ago that it was always me you wanted. I do want you happy. I do want you safe…”

“Don’t,” Y/N felt tears burning at her eyes when Joel lowered in to try to kiss her knowing that she was getting incredibly emotional with the things that he was saying.

“I do love you,” Joel breathed, the warmth of his lips over hers making her let out a shuddering sound. Capturing her lips in a kiss, Joel kissed her with as much strength as he could. Hooking his arm around her, he stepped into her room spinning her around making her fall in closer to him. Kicking the door shut, Joel kept her body close to his. She was shaking against him and he could tell that the words he spoke shocked her. Stepping forward led her back toward the bed until she fell on top of it and he dropped down in over her. Every kiss was intense with the power of him weighing down on top of her. Kissing down over her jaw, Joel groaned when her hands found their way to his pants to unhook them. “This is incredibly hard for me because I do love you. You have to understand that. Two parts of me are at war inside of my head…”

Grunting out, Joel pulled back enough to get her pants undone. Tugging at the material, he yanked them from her body and worked to get his pants open. Pushing them down, he crawled back in over her and felt her fingers sinking into his hair. Dropping her head back, she whimpered with the way he kissed down over her neck.

Suddenly thoughts started to fill her mind. Joel felt guilty that he was leaving her upset. No matter what, Joel was still leaving her. And then she thought about the things that Joel was saying about Negan making her thought spiral out of control while she was beneath Joel. Grunting, Joel braced her thighs up and when he reached between them, she immediately pulled herself up and away from Joel.

“No,” she saw that Joel’s eyes were confused when she slid back on top of the bed, her eyes tearing over again. “Do you know how cruel it is to have you tell me you love me and then you just leave? I don’t know if you’re telling me it just to make me feel better. Or if you mean it, but you’re leaving Joel. This won’t make me feel better, it’s just going to break my heart more.”

“I just…” Joel started, reaching to pull his pants back up over his hips while he sat at the bottom of the bed staring out at her with his confused dark eyes. “I thought you would want this. If I’m leaving tomorrow, we could share one final moment together that…”

“Please, just go to your room,” she begged of him, brushing her fingers through her hair watching his lips part. Joel was breathing heavily as he stood up from the bed and she reached for one of the pillows to cover herself. “I just want to be alone.”

“I just don’t think…” Joel began showing that he didn’t know what the right thing to do was.

“Just go!” she screamed at him behind tears watching Joel swallow down hard. After thinking about it, he nodded. Grabbing her pants for her, Joel set them down on the bed and moved for the door to leave her alone.

“I’m not just saying it to say it,” Joel stopped at her door, his back still turned to her with his hand holding onto the doorknob. Slowly gazing back, Joel’s saddened expression made a breath catch in her throat. “I wouldn’t just say I love you to anyone.”

“You would if you felt guilty,” she expressed how she felt shaking her head. “I think you’re saying it because you know it’s what you think I want to hear, but you’re just saying the words to appease me. If you loved me, you would say it in the way you looked at me. You don’t mean it.”

Joel frowned, his jaw flexing when he turned toward her again and she held her hand up, “Please just leave. I want to be alone right now.”

Instead of fighting with her, Joel stood there for a moment longer before finally giving her what she wanted. The silence was deafening, but she needed it right now.

After managing to get her pants back on, she turned onto her side away from the door and closed her eyes. Hearing Joel tell her that he loved her made her think about things. At this point, she did just feel like he was saying it to make her feel better. And she appreciated the gesture, but it didn’t feel real. Not then.

It almost made her think about the things that Joel said about Negan. When Negan told her that he loved her, she never doubted it. Knowing that Joel thought her and Negan were better together almost broke her because she thought she was doing the right thing this whole time in feeling so deeply for Joel, but maybe she really was missing something this whole time with Negan. For so long Negan pushed Y/N away that she just started believing that things weren’t supposed to happen between them, but she knew that she had feelings for Negan. Negan wasn’t leaving her and abandoning her. There was no doubting that in her mind Negan was her hero.

Shifting on the bed, she heard the sound of a knock on her door and it made her sigh. Trying to ignore it, she figured that it was Joel coming back to try to apologize, but she didn’t want to hear it right now. Things were complicated enough as they were. With him leaving, she didn’t know how to feel about things.

“Babe! Open up,” Poppy’s voice called out from the other end of the room making Y/N huff. Right now she just wanted to be alone, but Poppy wasn’t someone she should be holding things against. Getting up from the bed, Y/N figured maybe talking to her friend was the only decision that was right at the moment. When the door opened, Poppy pushed into the room and she threw her hands up in the air. She was breathing heavily and could barely keep her breath. “We need to talk.”

“Are you okay?” Y/N couldn’t help but be amused seeing her friend panting like she was.

“Yeah, I just ran all the way from the club because I have to be quick,” Poppy informed Y/N, her eyes searching the room for a second to make sure that they were alone. “I need to talk to you about something. I went to talk to you at the bar and I saw that you weren’t there. Neither was Joel. So I just assumed the two of you came back here together.”

“Actually about that…” Y/N knew that Poppy didn’t exactly know about all she went through with Joel today. At the end of the day, she could really use her friend to talk to when it came to Joel and the thoughts she was having.

“Listen, I have to be quick. Negan just went to the bathroom so I ran over here to ask you something,” Poppy cut Y/N off not allowing her to have that time just to vent to her friend. It surprised Y/N having Poppy not want to really talk.

“You left Negan at the club?” Y/N took in what her friend said and let out a hesitant laugh. “Why did you do that?”

“Because I wanted to ask your permission,” Poppy led on with what she came here for making Y/N’s eyes narrow. “I know that you liked Negan in the past, but we were dancing and things felt like they were just heading in the right direction between the two of us. I’m really getting this vibe with him and I desperately want to have sex with Negan. I think we’re headed toward that and I want your permission to do that if it’s okay with you.”

“What?” Y/N hesitantly laughed making Poppy nod her head and look back toward her door. Trying to put together what Poppy was saying, she felt her heart hammering in her chest and she took in a long breath. “You think that’s something that Negan wants?”

“It seems like that’s where things are headed between the two of us. I figured with you being with Joel, maybe you would be okay with things because of that,” Poppy reasoned making Y/N’s chest ache at the thought. “You and Joel are fixing things together, you want to be with each other and I just thought that maybe it would be okay if I got to have that moment with Negan.”

Anger flooded Y/N’s veins, but she couldn’t erupt on Poppy. Poppy didn’t know that Joel told her that he was leaving and he couldn’t be with her because of this whole thing. It made her heart ache hearing that Negan wanted to be with Poppy, but at the end of the day it wasn’t her that could really give Poppy the okay.

“Poppy, if Negan wants to have sex with you, then that’s none of my business,” Y/N hated that she was saying it, but she had to be the bigger person in this situation. “If you two want to have sex, I have no say.”

“So that means you’re okay with the two of us having sex?” Poppy confirmed making Y/N tip her head to the side and look down at her feet. No, she wasn’t okay with Poppy having sex with Negan, but if that’s how things were going to be, she had no right to put her input in.

“I’m saying you don’t have to ask me,” Y/N stated knowing that she couldn’t lie and tell Poppy that she was okay with it. There was no world where she was okay with it. But if that’s what they both wanted, she couldn’t tell either one of them no.

“Okay, great,” Poppy stepped forward to press a kiss over Y/N’s cheek before quickly heading back toward the door. “I have to meet Negan back at the bar. I just wanted to ask you first to make sure it wouldn’t upset you.”

“I just…” Y/N went to say something more, but Poppy was already heading back out of her room moving hurriedly toward the club again.

Watching her friend hightail it back to where they were previously made Y/N think about how she knew she had feelings for Negan too. And with the things that Joel said, it actually confused her on how she felt for both men. Who did she love more? Maybe there was more between Y/N and Negan? When Poppy showed up, she thought Poppy would help her talk through things, but knowing that Poppy and Negan wanted to have sex together really bothered her. It shouldn’t have, but it did.

Standing at the doorway, she didn’t know what to do. Go after Poppy and stop anything from happening or just stay there and take it? Playing it out in her mind she realized that it didn’t matter what she did. She couldn’t judge Negan when she was sleeping with Joel. If being with Poppy made Negan happy, then that’s what she needed to allow to happen. There was no planet where Negan should have to sit around waiting for her to make up her mind if she wanted to be with Joel or Negan. It was wrong for her to keep him hanging.

So, ultimately, she did the adult thing and went back into her room leaving them be. Dropping down at the center of her bed, she thought about her life with Negan. Joel wasn’t wrong. Negan was always there. Even after this happened. It was Negan throwing himself in front of the line of fire for her. It was him that was killing people to keep her safe. When those people showed up at the safehouse, it was him that fought all those people. After he got shot, she was terrified at the idea of losing him. Even when Negan was having a meltdown himself earlier after Bill harassed him to the point of having a breakdown, he pushed aside his feelings and emotions to try to comfort her when she was having hers. Negan always put her first and loved her. It was unconditional love. The kind that anyone would want, yet here she was so focused on a man that couldn’t even tell her that he loved her.

Nothing would change the fact that she did love Joel. After two years, she couldn’t turn down those feelings, but what she had with Negan was real feelings. Real emotions. Yet, she just gave her friend the okay to sleep with the man she felt so deeply for. God, why did she do that? She should have been honest with Poppy.

Joel was leaving as soon as he could. That was going to leave her alone. Nothing existed between her and Joel. It broke her but knowing that she would be the third wheel with Negan and Poppy was going to be hard. Especially knowing that she had feelings for Negan. For hours she sat there wondering things out. Trying to figure out what she should and should not do.

Finally, deep into the night she heard Poppy’s door from the room that was beside hers being pushed open. It made her heart skip a beat wondering if that was Poppy and Negan together. Sounds flooded into her room with the paper-thin walls here at the motel. Poppy was kissing someone and they weren’t being quiet about what they were doing.

Shifting on the bed, jealousy ate away at her. Whatever was going on in there sounded like it was getting pretty hot and heavy. When weight dropped onto the bed, Y/N could hear it and Poppy was moaning. Deep breaths filled the air and Y/N reached for her pillow to cover her head with it. Hating this, she felt so many emotions. Sadness. Anger. Jealousy. Rage. They were all destroying her and she couldn’t stand it. When Poppy cried out and the sounds of the bedframe smacking against the wall was heard, Y/N sat up in the bed and clung to her pillow tightly. Why the hell did she give Poppy the okay for this? It was breaking her and driving her crazy.

Sitting at the bottom of the bed, she turned on the television and tried turning it up loud. Trying to block out the sounds, she knew that it wasn’t working. They were loud in the other room. The longer it lasted, the more emotional she got thinking about Joel, Negan and the feelings she was starting to realize that were very real there for her with Negan.

Turning off the television, she threw the remote across the room and got up from the bed, “Fuck this.”

Right now, the last thing she wanted to do was listen to her friend have sex with one of the men she was in love with. It was ripping her heart out and she couldn’t stand it any longer. Pulling open the door, she cussed when she heard the thunder booming as soon as she did it. Of course the weather was matching her feelings right now and she hated it.

“Goddamn it,” she closed the door as she walked outside hearing the sound of the rain starting to pour down in over them. Right now, Y/N was miserable and she hated that things were turning out like this. But there was nothing she could do. Joel was leaving her tomorrow and Negan was with Poppy.

As of today, Y/N never felt more alone in her life.

----

Tags: @jennydehavilland @ibelongtonegan @smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan @redmercysugar @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @insertneganhere @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03 @sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf @hollyismentallyillhelp @tone-stark @wonwoosthetic @misskittydenoire @casangel1986 @pedritosdarling

#Pedro Pascal #Joel Miller #Negan #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #The Walking Dead #The Last of Us #joel miller x reader #negan x reader #negan fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #negan x you

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marvelwitchergilmore · 11 months

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Written In The Stars

Summary: Joel Miller x Fe!Reader -> It’s Christmas and Joel remembers Sarah and the time before the outbreak.

Disclaimer: established relationship, angst, sad fluff, happy fluff, family dynamic, Ellie and Joel being father and daughter, Sarah, no use of Y/N, tears, Tommy being the annoying uncle (kinda) to Ellie. Also, mentions of Christmas - yes, I know it’s May but who cares.

It wasn’t meant to be like this.

The world wasn’t just meant to end and send him through the ringer for the rest of his life, with the added knowledge that his daughter, his Sarah, would never be able to live again. He’d never be able to watch her grow up, watch her graduate, watch her as she built her own family and career, never watch her even decorate a Christmas tree again.

That was what seemed to pain him most.

Living in Jackson, with his brother, and his second daughter, Ellie, had been quiet. It was kind. Every day became a routine, one that even Ellie had never been able to be a part of before. Joel would walk her to school before going to work himself, he’d tell Tommy to quit the smokes, Maria would then repeat the same. From there, he’d complete his work and patrol for the day before meeting Ellie at home or, more recently, your back garden.

You were one of the teachers at the local school and Ellie had taken a liking to you. Aside from Joel, you seemed to be the only other one Ellie trusted enough to be around without him. Even being around Tommy and Maria made Ellie hesitant. But not you. Never you.

But, as much as these moments seemed to patch something up in Joel, even go as far to fix; something still stabbed at him.

And it nearly killed him when he saw Ellie decorating the Christmas Tree.

Earlier that morning, he’d been completely okay with Ellie starting without him. Besides, by the time he got home from patrol, you, Ellie, Tommy and Maria would have only just started so he wouldn’t have missed too much.

But, as he walked through the door, his arms piled with logs, he felt something crush his heart.

He was happy and content as he saw Ellie knelt by your feet, helping push some of the branches down at the bottom of the tree. This would be her first real Christmas with family and friends. And, still he smiled through the pain.

He smiled and suppressed the tears from his eyes as he watched Ellie’s face light up as she was told all about what Christmases used to be like, before the outbreak. Told about how everyone would go all out, the whole street would join in. Except, as he stood back, looking at the finished product around his home, his heart felt like it was being squeezed by a crushing hand.

Ellie was taking it all in, Tommy was standing beside Maria, and you were standing at the kitchen entryway, watching Ellie’s reaction.

You had seen a similar look on Ellie’s face a thousand times before, but this one was something else, something bigger. Except, when you looked up to look at Joel, he took a step back and made his way towards the door. The other’s didn’t seem to notice. Although, you knew it wouldn’t be long until Ellie did. So, making sure she kept herself distracted for a couple of minutes, you sent her with Tommy back up into the loft to bring down that old Christmas box.

“Maybe it has a Christmas cook book in it, or something.” you offered.

Ellie nodded and got up, Tommy going after her. Meanwhile, Maria headed past you and into the kitchen to check on the Christmas stew she had made earlier.

“Hey, I’ll be back in a minute.” you called out to her as you pulled your coat on.

“Okay!”

It didn’t take you long to find Joel. Ellie had stronger tracking senses for him, but you had yours, too.

Walking up the steps of Tommy and Maria’s house, you tapped the excess snow from your boots and made your way inside. There, you saw the back of Joel as he stood looking at the memorial Maria and Tommy had made when they first moved in together in Jackson.

“Joel?” you called out his name softly as you entered.

You recognised that he knew you were there but the closer you got, the more worried you became. “Joel? Hey, Joel? What is it? What’s wrong?”

One of his hands held him steady against the fireplace whilst the other held his chest. “Nothing. ‘Am fine.”

You shook your head and lay a hand on his arm, “No, Joel. It’s okay. Hey, talk to me.”

He looked at you for a moment before turning his tear stained eyes to his daughter’s name.

“It’s been 21 years,” Joel pointed out. “It shouldn’t…shouldn’t it be easier?”

You looked at Sarah's name, also, before looking back to Joel. You placed your other hand on his other side and turned him to look at you. “Come here,”

You pulled him forward and a second later, his arms wrapped around you as you did to him. “Christmas…it’s a time to remember. Sadly, that sometimes means the pain feels like it’s growing.”

You could feel some of Joel’s tears hit your shoulder, so, gently moving him back, you cupped his cheeks in your hands and wiped the tears away and softly pressed a kiss to his cheek. You both remained comfortably still as he rested his head against yours with his eyes closed, feeling your hands go from his cheeks to his chest where he wrapped one of his hands around one of yours.

“I never…” he swallowed. “I never thought I’d see my…look so happy.”

You smiled as he talked about Ellie.

“She’s your daughter, Joel. They both are.”

Daughter.

That made his heart a little lighter.

“Maybe you should share that with her, with Ellie.” you offered. “My grandmother used to tell me Christmas is the season for memories. Let’s be honest, there is a lot we’d both rather forget but, we’ve got goodness now, Joel. And so has Ellie. Tell her. Tell her about Sarah. Tell her about the sister she never got to meet, because through you?” your other hand came to his cheek again and held his face a little higher so he’d open his eyes and look at you. “Through you she can meet her and you can see her again. When it hurts, don’t let yourself drown in the pain. Tell people. Tell us. We’re all family, Joel. For better or for worse, we’re family. And we’ve all done what we’ve had to do to survive, but you’ve got the opportunity to live Joel. Live for her. Live for your daughters, Joel. Live for yourself.”

You heard Joel take a long breath before he finally nodded and looked at you through semi-clear eyes. You gave him a soft smile which, beneath the underlying sadness, he returned. Gently, you pushed the final few tears from his cheek, gracing it with a kiss before pecking his lips quickly and hugging him.

“Now, come on, let’s go.” you told him. “Before Ellie tracks us down and hits us with an old cookbook.”

“What?”

“Oh, I, uh, I sent her with Tommy into the loft.” you told him as you lay your scarf back around your neck. “Maybe make something this year that isn’t Christmas Stew.”

From behind you, you heard Joel chuckle before he shut the door behind him.

By the time you both got back, Ellie had found some old photo albums from the family that must have lived in the home prior to the break out. Ellie still flipped through them as Tommy and Maria headed back to their own home to go to bed, and, as you stood in the kitchen making some fresh hot cocoa, you heard Ellie ask Joel a question and as you popped your head through the door carrying Ellie’s mug first, you shared a quick look with Joel.

“Tell her. Tell her about Sarah. Tell her about the sister she never got to meet…she can meet her and you can see her again.”

So, leaning forward and sitting himself besides Ellie on the floor, he told her stories of Sarah. He told her of the moments he cherished the most and the moments when Tommy would tease Sarah for her love of Christmas and make sure he moved a decoration every morning that she would always put back, knowing full well he was doing it just to annoy her.

And, funnily enough, the next morning when Ellie came downstairs, she found three separate decorations not in the place where she had left them the night before and Tommy sat at the kitchen table with Joel, trying his best to avoid eye contact.

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be like this, having the world end. But having Ellie as a daughter and a niece…that was written in the stars.

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sb25p · 1 year

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Warning: THE LAST OF US SPOILERS: EPISODE 5!!! IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED EP 5, PLEASE SCROLL PAST!!!!!

Also this an essay!! 🥴 tbh I write these more for myself than anything else…my Tumblr is my mf journal.

I normally don’t like to write posts that involve spoilers for current series/movies etc but TLOU episode 5 affected me in such a powerful way, I feel like I just need to vent it for a min.

Can we talk about the final scene? How hopeful Ellie is when she wakes up only to find out Sam has unfortunately become infected. Sam then attacking Ellie for Joel and Henry to realise what’s happening and Henry to raise the gun to Joel.

The actor, Lamar Johnson, absolutely killed that role (no pun intended…too soon?)

Like we see his face go from confused to protective yet terrified, shocked, panicked, regretful, devastated, remorseful, angry and numb.

I could go on and on about the diversity of emotions that Lamar portrayed in that moment to capture the reaction of Henry losing Sam. The one person he loves more than anything and has sacrificed everything for only to lose at what he believes to be his own hands but as we know is due to being infected.

It was never Henry’s fault. Henry didn’t kill Sam. Sam was already dead. The infection took him. Henry actually saved Ellie from being harmed by Sam. He’s still a hero regardless of what he’s done. He continued to protect others but without Sam, what is his purpose? Sam to Henry is purpose. He always has been. Now that Sam is gone, Henry doesn’t feel any purpose and ultimately that causes him to take his own life without any hesitation.

Then we have the other parallel of Pedro Pascal in that situation playing the role of Joel Miller.

We see Joel (not for the first time) jumping in ultimately to protect Ellie. He’s terrified. He’s seeing her at risk and scared and she’s calling out to him in that moment for help.

Joel talks earlier to Henry about being relied on. He says that it’s easier for kids because no one is relying on them but that’s not really true is it? Because although Sam relied on Henry for protection, Henry relied on Sam for purpose. He loved him. He lived for him because he had Sam by his side.

What really got me in that moment after Henry shoots Sam, is Joel. The way his face turns into a realisation. An understanding.

It doesn’t happen right away.

I feel if you watch Joel’s face just after Sam dies, he’s asking for the gun because he’s afraid Henry will turn on the both of them, pin a blame on them maybe that Sam got infected because of them but when Henry says “what did I do?” You can see that Joel’s face falls. He goes from appearing assertive and protective of Ellie to becoming understanding and gentle towards Henry.

I think that is because Joel recognises that feeling all too well. It’s not hard to think that Joel would have had a time after Sarah’s death where he must have thought that life wasn’t worth living anymore. That his purpose in life has been ripped from him so abruptly and if his sole purpose now is merely to survive, what kind of life does he have anyway?

It’s why I always saw Joel to be one of the strongest characters in the whole of the TLOU universe. He was a father to an only child who was taken from him during the time the world was falling apart anyway. Not only was his own beautiful little world ended in that split second, the one he shared with his daughter, the whole planet was being ripped apart.

What motivated him to keep on living? We could say Tommy but a parents love like Joel’s is so incredibly powerful. Even my own parents once said to me (and I’m one of four children) that if I ever took my own life, they couldn’t go on themselves without me. The true love of a parent is absolutely infinitely one of the most powerful things in this world. Pedro absolutely portrayed that emotion in the moment when he’s trying to talk Henry down. It’s like he’s mentally saying “look at me, I understand, PLEASE, I understand”. Joel knows they’re not at risk to Henry at that moment, Henry is at risk to himself.

Not only that but Joel asks Ellie if she’s okay shortly after Sam dies and even tries to go to her but is stopped by Henry raising the gun to him.

We see Joel becoming softer and more of a father figure to Ellie in this situation. His usual hardened expression drops when he has just witnessed a serious threat to Ellie’s life. He can see the distress in her. He’s just watched her bond with a child over a period of time that she clearly felt very strongly for very quickly. He also has strong feelings about Ellie watching others die due to the discussion he has with her when she shoots the man in the previous episode to protect Joel.

“You’re just a kid. You shouldn’t know what it means to…” to kill someone he means.

He doesn’t want her to witness this world. He wants to protect her from it and we’re seeing so much more of that in these newer episodes. The paternal feelings he’s developing for her are slowly but surely finding their way out into the open.

And finally the note that Ellie leaves on Sam’s grave.

“I’m sorry.”

We see Joel realising when he reads this, that this young girl feels a lot more than she’s giving out. That Joel is starting to come to terms with how much of a weight is sitting on Ellie’s shoulders by being treat like a possible cure. That the thought of her feeling as though it’s her fault that she couldn’t save Sam from infection, ultimately has Joel feeling even more responsible for ensuring she doesn’t feel that way and that she understands how important she is in herself rather than to the rest of the crumbling world.

I really look forward to seeing how their relationship develops. Particularly, how Joel’s feelings develop further towards Ellie. I also look forward to seeing more vulnerability from Ellie. Joel walks around with this hardened expression but Ellie doesn’t need to do anything like that. We know from how she admits to Sam that she fears being left alone, that she has a lot of emotion she is holding back. She needs that someone to be vulnerable with and I can’t wait for her to let it all go for Joel.

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sourwolf-sterek32 · 1 year

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Young Love

Summary: After getting sent away by your father nearly two years ago, you return to your hometown, Outer Banks.

You reunite with your friends and twin brother, John B, and help them find the lost gold and the Cross of Santo Domingo. But, during it all, you find yourself falling in love with your brothers blue-eyed best friend without realising it.

Pairings: JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Language, violence,

Last Chapter

MAJOR SPOILERS for Season 3!

Chapter 15-

It had been a whole month since you were stranded on a deserted island. You would've thought that it'd be bad, horrible even, but it was the polar opposite.

Poguelandia was your safe haven.

This past month had been the best month of your life. You had your boyfriend, your brother and your best friends all together with no parents, no authority, nobody to yell or tell you what to do. It was literally your own little slice of paradise and you could do whatever you wanted.

JJ had made a flag for the island like he said he would. Strung it up on one of the tallest coconut trees for you all to admire. His drawing with charcoal was actually pretty good. It was of a chicken, in crocs and a coconut bra smoking a joint. It was perfect.

You lived off berries, coconuts and fish. JJ had taught you all how to spearfish and you were living like kings with fresh seafood every day.

The cut on your thigh had healed up surprisingly well. Leaving a thick pink scar in it's place as a permanent reminder of what happened on that ship. A reminder of everything you had done and survived to end up here.

JJ didn't want to leave the island. He had nothing back in OBX and neither did you. Everything you had... everything you needed was right here on Poguelandia. It was perfect.

But, nothing perfect ever lasted.

A plane flew past the island early one morning. Pope signalled it with a fire, and before you knew it, you were reluctantly following the others into the small plane.

You spared a glance at JJ who didn't seem too happy about being rescued, but the others were thrilled, so you remained silent.

"So what were you doing all the way out here?" JJ asked, breaking the silence in the cockpit as the pilot prepared the plane for takeoff.

"I got a little guide outfit in Saint Vincent. I was spotting fish." Portis answered.

"What were you spotting?"

"You know, the usual. Wahoo."

JJ's head snapped to John B who met his gaze briefly with a troubled expression etched into his features. The two of them seemed to have a silent conversation about something you couldn't figure out before the plane took off into the air.

Everyone remained silent, holding onto the hand straps above you for stability as the plane soared through the sky. JJ and John B were still staring at each other with an uneasy expression that was making alarm bells go off in your head.

You glanced over at Portis behind them, he was looking forward, hands on the controls and headset over his ears.

"What's going on?" You whispered, leaning towards JJ and your brother.

"Wahoo don't run in September. Ever. Alright? So whoever this man is, he's not a fisherman." JJ answered, looking over at you before glancing at the others who had shuffled closer to hear.

"Maybe the run just starts earlier out here." Pope suggested.

"Are you sure about that? In the Caribbean?"

"No." Sarah said, shaking her head. "I know what this is. He's working for my dad, and he's probably been looking for us the entire time."

"Alright, we gotta find out. Start looking for some sort of..." JJ trailed off, his eyes landing on the leather satchel hanging over Portis' seat. "...clues."

"Hey, Jimmy." John B suddenly said, leaning forward to distract the pilot while JJ checked the satchel.

Your brother kept asking Portis random questions, keeping him busy while JJ sorted through the various books and paper in the satchel, until he pulled out a photograph of a shipping container ship. The very same ship that you guys had jumped from.

Holy shit. This guy was working for Ward.

"Guys, whatever it is, it's happening fast. Look." Kie whispered, nodding towards the window.

You glanced over your shoulder and realised that the plane was slowly starting to get lower, heading for land.

"That looks like Barbados. I've been there with Terrance." Cleo explained, staring out the window.

"Okay. There's seven of us, one of him. You know my vote. We storm the cockpit." JJ suddenly said.

"No, who's going to fly the plane, dumbass?" John B responded.

"I've seen Pope fly simulators." JJ supplied.

"I crop-dusted for my uncle last summer. This is not the same thing." Pope explained, not liking JJ's idea at all. "Why don't we just wait until the plane lands somewhere safe, and then we sneak out. And if somebody comes to mess with us, we mad-dog them."

"No. JJ's right. There's seven of us and one of him. If we wait until the plane lands, Portis can call for backup. Hell, there's probably backup already waiting for us on land." You pointed out and JJ nodded in agreement.

"That's all well and good, sis. But, Pope can't fly this plane. None of us can. If we take out Portis, we're as good as dead. We have a better chance waiting for this thing to land." John B explained, looking over at you and holding your gaze before you sighed and reluctantly nodded.

JJ didn't seem to like that plan either, but he didn't argue and instead turned to try and put the photograph back in the bag, but Portis noticed.

"Hey, man! What the hell are you doing?!"

Portis shoved JJ away from the bag. His body collided into yours and you both toppled over in the back of the plane.

"That's mine!" Portis shouted, frantically reaching for his bag.

JJ quickly climbed off you, his eyes raking over your body for any injuries.

"I'm okay." You insisted and he nodded before he turned back to Portis.

"Who the hell are you?" JJ questioned, grabbing the bag before Portis could.

The two of them got into a mini tug of war, fighting for the bag while the others all screamed at Portis to fly the plane.

Eventually, Portis gave up and turned back around in his seat and you glanced over his shoulder through the front and realised the plane was heading straight for the jetty.

"Hold onto something!" You shouted, grabbing the handles above you.

Portis yanked the controls back, trying to lift the plane, but it was too late and the plane nosedived straight into the water.

You all went flying forward on impact. Your bodies crashing into one another, hard. Water was quick to fill the cockpit, the plane starting to sink.

"Shit. Is everyone okay?" You asked, wincing as you sat up and looked around. "We all good?"

Everyone nodded between fits of coughing from the water that was now up to your shoulders in height.

"We gotta get out of here." Pope shouted, pointing to the side door of the plane.

John B kicked the door open and began to climb out before he froze, staring at something in the distance. You followed his line of sight and your stomach dropped when you saw the armed men with vests sprinting down the beach.

"Oh, no. They don't look friendly." He muttered.

"No, they don't look very friendly." Pope agreed before you all jumped out the plane and into the water.

"Kie, get out before it sinks!" JJ shouted.

You treaded water beside the door, waiting for Kie, but she turned away from the door and went further in the plane.

"No, no, no, Kie!" John B yelled.

Shit. What the hell was she doing?

You looked further in the plane to find her heading towards the pilot who was unconscious in his seat. She was trying to save him.

"You guys go. I'll get Kie and meet up with you." You said, hauling yourself back into the plane before glancing over your shoulder at the others, John B and JJ shaking their heads. "Go. I got this. Go!"

"Damnit. Okay. Guys, go!" John B ordered.

You didn't wait to watch them swim off, instead you turned and rushed through the plane, the water now up to your neck.

"Kie!" You shouted.

She was shaking Portis' shoulders, trying to wake him, but it was clear it wasn't working. You hurried over and helped her grab the man before pulling him out the broken window.

Kie nodded her thanks as the two of you kept him afloat while you swam towards the shore, making sure his face was above the water so he wouldn't drown.

It didn't take long before you reached the beach and you dragged the man the last few metres before people rushed towards you, wanting to help.

"Take him. Take him." Kie said, staggering to her feet and holding her hand out to you which you took and stood up, breathing heavily.

"Thank you." Portis gasped, looking up at the two of you.

"You lied to us. Who are you?" Kie asked.

The revving engine of an ATV caught your attention and you looked away from Kie and Portis to find those armed men heading your way.

Oh, that cannot be a good sign.

"Shit. Kie, we gotta go. Like, right now." You warned, grabbing her hand and pulling her away.

Kie was quick to catch on, the two of you sprinting up the beach towards the boats on the sand. The ATVs were circling around the area, men shouting in a foreign language everywhere. You were surrounded.

Kie quickly pulled you down under one of the boats, ducking behind a couple of barrels. You covered your mouth with your hands trying to silence your heavy breathing, Kie doing the same as you sat there quietly.

They found you though. Kie kicked one of the men away before the two of you made a run for it, but you didn't get very far.

One of the men grabbed you from behind and you thrashed in his grip, trying to break free, but it was no use. He was bigger and stronger than you, it wasn't going to work.

"Get the hell off me!" You shouted, slamming your elbow back and clocking the man in the jaw.

He was momentarily stunned, but then another man appeared out of nowhere, grabbing your arm and pinning it behind your back.

Kie was grabbed too, not going down without a fight. But, like you, she couldn't get free and the men tossed you into the back of a pickup truck.

You grabbed Kie's hand, squeezing it tightly as you looked around trying to find a way to escape, but there was a man with a gun right beside the truck. Neither of you were going anywhere.

"We lost the others. We'll keep searching." A voice said over the man's radio.

The others had gotten away. Oh, thank God for that.

"We saved your life." Kie whispered, her voice coming out shaky, terrified.

You looked away from the guard just as Portis walked up to the truck with an almost guilty expression on his face.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm gonna try to help you, okay? I swear, I didn't know it was gonna be like this." Portis admitted, glancing over at the guard before focusing back on the two of you. "Look, if you don't fight, if you just do what they say, these guys probably won't hurt you."

"Probably?" You whispered, your own voice coming out more frightened than you would've liked.

"What did Ward promise you?" Kie questioned.

"Who?" Portis asked, looking at her in confusion. "Hey, just take my advice, do what they say. Good luck."

With that, Portis walked off before the vehicle started up and the guard climbed into the bed of the truck with the two of you. He stared at you both with hard eyes, one hand resting over his gun, the other holding onto the edge of the vehicle.

You tried to memorise every twist and turn in the road as the truck drove and before long, you were driving through a large reinforced gate and pulling up in front of a multimillion dollar mansion.

Armed guards were spread throughout the property, many guarding the doors and windows of the mansion. Some men had German Shepherds on leashes while they patrolled the area.

What the hell is this place?

The guard led the two of you towards the front door where a woman in a maid outfit met you. She walked you through the door and you scanned the room, taking in all the historic objects and artefacts displayed around the place.

"Take her upstairs. The Orinoco Room." The maid instructed the guard.

"This way." The guard said, grabbing your arms and pulling you towards the staircase.

You remained silent, following the man up the stairs while continuously looking around, noting every door and window in the building.

The man opened one of the doors and shoved you both inside. You stumbled forward from the sudden push, but managed to keep your footing before you turned and glared at the guard.

"Why are we here? Who are you working for?" Kie questioned.

"Dinner at eight. I'd clean up."

That was all the man said before he shut the door in Kiara's face. She quickly grabbed the door knob and tried to turn it, but it wouldn't budge.

"He locked us in." She sighed, moving away from the door.

"There's windows." You pointed out, already rushing across the room and pulling the lace curtain aside to open it, but froze when you saw just how many armed guards were outside. "Okay, that's not an option. What do we do?"

Kie shrugged her shoulders looking around the bedroom anxiously before she walked over to the opened closet where a bunch of identical red dresses were hanging. She stopped in front of the dresses and pulled off what looked to be a note stuck to them.

"It says 'pick your size.' They want us to get changed. Why?" She asked, holding the note out towards you.

You grabbed the note, reading the exact words she had just said before looking up at the red dresses in confusion.

"It won't be anything good. But, Portis said to do what they want. I say we get changed and play along until we know what these people want." You responded and Kie nodded in agreement.

She shifted through the multiple dresses finding the right sizes before handing one to you. You took it, double checking it was the right size and smiling softly at how well she knew you.

The two of you slipped off your drenched clothing and put on the red dresses, helping each other with the zips before you sat down on the edge of the bed and waited.

You didn't have to wait for long though before the maid walked into the room announcing that 'he was ready,' whatever the fuck that meant. She led you out the room and back down the stairs before pointing to a room and motioning for you guys to enter.

Kie glanced over at you skeptically, and you wanted to reassure her that it was going to be okay, but you didn't want to lie to her, so you remained silent and took the lead, stepping into the room. There was a man by the table at the far end, his back turned to you while he poured himself a drink.

"Uh, hi?" You spoke up, not really knowing what you were meant to say.

The man suddenly turned around and your jaw dropped when you realised who it was.

Rafe Cameron.

Of course he was here. You should have seen that coming.

"No, I know you and Ward were behind this shit." Kie growled in angry, following you into the room.

"What are you talking about? Are you two trying to weasel in on my deal, right now? Is that what's going on?

Wait, what deal?

"I wondered if your little reunion would cause sparks, you know." An unfamiliar male voice suddenly said.

You all turned to find another man across the room. He was dressed sharply in a dark suit and smiled in amusement as he stared at the three of you.

"Who are you?" Rafe questioned.

Well, good to know you guys weren't the only ones who didn't know who this random dude was.

"Me? My name is Carlos Singh. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cameron. And Ms. Carrera, Ms. Routledge, I do apologise for the rough tactics in bringing you here. But, please, come. Sit down."

You stared at Singh for a moment before glancing between Rafe and Kie. None of you moved for a moment, but you all seemed to realise that this Singh guy was in charge, and it was best to do as he said.

You and Kie sat down by the window, but Rafe paused before turning back to the man.

"Rough tactics. What about me?"

"Yes, Mr. Cameron, false pretences. But the ends justify the means; I'm afraid." Singh replied, pouring himself a glass of what looked to be whiskey. "Sit down. We have a lot to talk about."

Rafe exhaled loudly, but sat down in the other chair while Singh remained standing in front of you. Trying to assert dominance with his height no doubt.

"Why are we here?" You asked, getting straight to the point.

"Well, Ms. Routledge, Ms. Carrera, Mr. Cameron, we share certain interests, you know. Objectives."

"Is this not about the cross?" Rafe questioned.

"It is. Tangentially, it is about the cross, but it's also about something much, much bigger than the cross." He answered, looking up at a painting on the wall before turning back to you guys. "By orders of magnitude... the completion of a grand quest. You see, the story goes that 450 years ago, a Spanish soldier came out of the Orinoco Basin with a few gold beads. And when they asked the Spanish soldier, 'where the beads came from,' the Spanish soldier replied he got them from peaceful Indigenous tribe who lived in a city of gold."

You glanced over at Kie and she met your gaze briefly before looking back at Singh who continued to talk.

"El Dorado. And for the next 450 years, people tried to find that gold, you know. They tried. Conquistadors, knights, captions of ships, tribes, entire nations. All fighting each other in a race for the end of the rainbow. Thousands of lives laid on the pyre of gold fever. And it falls to me, you know. It falls to me to complete the task. To bring full circle a quest that has gone on for almost 500 years. Perhaps... perhaps the greatest quest in the history of the western hemisphere, you know. And you three... you three are going to play a part in that. What about you, Ms. Carrera? Are you interested in history?"

"I'm more of a future person." Kie answered.

"Yeah, I didn't listen to a word you said, okay? How much you gonna keep philosophising?" Rafe questioned bluntly.

Singh chuckled, "you are direct, aren't you, Mr. Cameron?"

"What do you need from us?" You asked, trying to draw the attention away from Rafe because you knew if he kept talking, he would say something that would get you all killed.

"I've come to believe that you and your friends are in possession of something that can help me get what I want. An old manuscript. A diary, actually."

Denmark Tanny's diary? That diary?

"I have no idea what your talking about." Rafe responded, and you wished you could say the same.

You remained silent, wanting to see how Kiara wanted to play this. You guys had a copy of the diary. But, you didn't want to give it to this guy, that was just destined for trouble.

"This is ridiculous. I don't know anything about a diary." Kie eventually said and you nodded in agreement.

"But how else could you have learned that the cross was on the Royal Merchant?"

You shook your head, "look, if we knew about this diary, we would tell you, okay? We don't know what you're talking about."

"I was hoping you wouldn't say that, you know. Because unfortunately, I don't believe you. You and your friends here couldn't have found the cross without it."

"He's not our friend." Kie corrected, glancing over Rafe.

"We can't all be friends, you know." Singh responded.

"Look, this is ridiculous. Okay? I'm out." Rafe announced, standing up and walking towards the exit, only to be blocked by one of the armed guards.

"Do I look like a fool to you, Mr. Cameron? Do I look like a fool to you? You have the cross. Their and their friends had the cross at one point. So one of you has the diary. And if you really don't know, then I suggest you convince your friends to tell me." Singh explained, pointing at you and Kie. "Once I have the diary, you'll be free to leave. Enjoy the grounds during your stay. I must warn you, though. I'm not a man of infinite patience. You have one day. Go to the window for a little demonstration. I think you'll enjoy it, you know."

Singh glanced between the three of you before he walked out the room. The guard closing it behind him before you heard the lock click shut.

He had locked you inside, again.

Rafe rushed towards the door, trying to open it, but you didn't bother. It was locked. You weren't getting out unless Singh wanted you out.

You and Kie walked over to the window, waiting to see what this 'demonstration' was going to be. Rafe joined you a moment later and you watched as a guard pulled Portis out from around the corner.

He was shouting something at the guards, but it was mumbled, you couldn't understand what he was saying before he was pulled away out of sight.

"Who the hell is that guy?" Rafe asked.

"I know him. That's Jimmy Portis. He was trying to help us." Kie answered, watching in confusion.

Singh suddenly appeared outside walking in the direction that the guard had took Portis before he paused and turned, looking up at the three of you in the window.

He pulled out a handgun from the back of his waistband, his eyes glued to you before he smirked and walked off out of sight.

"You don't think-" you began to say before a gunshot blasted from outside causing you to flinch. "Yeah, okay, never mind. This guy is fucking crazy."

"This diary. No bullshit. Don't bullshit me. Okay? Do you guys have it?" Rafe asked, looking over at the two of you.

You shook your head just as Kie said, "no."

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