#my anger issues are so fucking bad lately it's not fucking funny and it's so hard to learn healthy ways to regulate it as an adult

[bunnyb34r]

Having a cranky crabby high frustration day and it made me think of something I hadnt in a long time

I was thinking ab how growing up I wasnt allowed to get mad or god forbid have an attitude (yeah having CPTSD and oh being a literal fucking child will do that to you) and how I would have to lie and say I was "just tired" bc that was more acceptable than "I'm fucking mad at you right now and I know that if I say anything about WHY I'm frustrated, you'll get mad back at ME"

And it's like we all knew it was a lie, like ffs let your kids be mad at you sometimes even when you think they have no reason to be! Especially if they have poor emotional regulation!! And for God sake look in the fucking mirror and see that they are reacting how YOU react to anger!

Idk it just made me mad to think ab how kids and teens aren't allowed to be angry or "have an attitude" and then parents wonder why kids act out. Like when you have no healthy outlet to deal with anger you're going to get it out however you can, and suprise grow up into an adult with anger issues! Who fucking knew!

#marquilla #what triggered this was i was frustrated w/ [rc] ab them correcting how i wrote the layout bc if they would just fucking read the plannogra #m on the app then we wouldnt even be having this happen! and i had said something that came off as attitude and she went #'why are you mad 😠' and i said im not im TIRED #my anger issues are so fucking bad lately it's not fucking funny and it's so hard to learn healthy ways to regulate it as an adult #and i was thinking ab how i dont have any coping skills on calming down in general bc i would ignore adults telling me to breathe deep #bc breathing isnt gonna make my problem go away and if i get quiet youre gonna go back to ignoring my problem bc well she stopped crying #so now i can't like take deep. breaths to calm down or count or shit bc my brain is like why so you can fucking pretend whats causing my #problem/emotion doesnt exist? #god i need more therapy

[based-bobcat]

It's interesting that Ollie does most of the things Jason thinks Bruce doesn't do.

>Killing criminals, specifically avenging someone

As absolutely shit as Cry for Justice was, the fact that Ollie killed Prometheus for maiming Roy and killing Lian was absolutely in-character and Bruce wouldn't have done that. Bruce was dead at the time, but you bet your ass he would've tried to bring Ollie in after.

>Thinking about the little guy

A core aspect of Ollie's character is his leftism, I mean, his stance on looking out for the little guy. JLU isn't the only time he rejected joining the league because it was too far removed from the streets. He's more likely to protect people who loot supermarkets during a crisis than the owner who tries to shoo them out (This happened in 52). As much as bad writers would like you to think otherwise, Bruce would NOT condone rioting or looting of any kind.

>Looser parenting/Showing affection more.

Look, Ollie was a notoriously bad parent back in the day. But we can say that his hands-off approach did help Roy more than Bruce's my way or the highway type parenting with Jason. Both Roy and Jason had the same issues when they were kids (probably one of the reasons they get along so well, eh?), but at least Roy was allowed to go with the Titans. Being with kids his age probably helped immensely with his growth. And while Batman has trouble admitting he loves his Made Found family*, even too himself, Ollie doesn't have that problem. He tells his kids he loves them all the time and the amount of bear hugs he gives them cannot be counted on 4 hands.

Lest we forget that Bruce's way of ebbing Jason's anger issues was either to ignore it or telling him to his face that taking him in was a mistake.

Also Jason liking Ollie over Bruce is funny, because Bruce would fucking HATE it.

-*I know current writers, Tom the fanfic writer Taylor, like to write Bruce as someone who tells his wards he loves them every single opportunity he gets, but i'm sorry but that's just not him. Bruce is a severely emotionally stunted man and has trouble telling anyone he loves him. One might argue that this Alfred's fault, since he kept his distance emotionally until it was to late. a mistake he recognized and vowed to not make again with Dick, but that's a post for a different day.

#Jason Todd #Red Hood #Roy Harper #Speedy #Oliver Queen #Green Arrow #Batman #This is based on my comic knowledge of these characters #I have not and will not read any fanwork regarding these characters #I like my shitty writing to be paid for by an embarrassing company #DC

[jqhotchner]

beauty and the freak

ch.3

you were pissed! the moment you heard the news about your mom moving into the house right across the street from you. you knew she only did that to piss your father off.

it angered you to your core! who the hell does she think she is?! your dad tried to keep you from blowing a fuse, but it was too late.

by the time eddie arrived to pick you up, you went off, cursing, yelling, and screaming. Eddie’s just hummed along. he was use to you constantly going on about how much distain you have for your mother.

“eddie?! are you even listening to me?”

“im sorry sweetheart, but is it such a bad thing she lives right across the street? its not like you have to see her everyday. im sure she’ll be in her own little bubble just like before.”

you scoffed. “that’s not the point edward!”

eddie sighs. “what is the point baby?”

you didn’t know what to say. mostly because you didn’t know why you were so angry by this. but eddie was suppose to just understand.

“as my boyfriend you’d think you would give a fuck about how i feel.” you roll your eyes.

eddie sighs once more. he really didn’t have the energy to argue with you.

“edward!”

“hey! i understand you have this huge issue with your mom, i do! but you do not talk to me like that. do you understand?!”

you huffed and folded your arms while looking out the window right when eddie parks.

he grabs your face a little roughly. you looked into his eyes before he speaks. “do you understand?!”

“yes, sir.”

“now, may we please have somewhat of a decent day? i canceled dnd tonight to watch my girl cheer today.”

you had been begging him to come see you from the moment the two of you started dating. unfortunately he had a dnd game every friday as well. he refused to cancel it simply because, just like cheer is important to you, dungeons and dragons is important to him.

this week was a very convenient one for him to cancel. gareth was grounded, mike and dustins family was going to visit their friend will, and lucas joined said basketball team, so he figured he might as well cancel tonight’s events.

“really?!”

eddie smirks. “yeah!”

you squealed before hugging him tightly. “you’re gonna enjoy it, i promise.”

“doubt it. couldn’t care less about basketball. but i do like that short little skirt you have to wear.” eddie smirks.

you playfully roll your eyes as eddie gets out of his van and goes to open the door for you. the two of you walk hand and hand, all eyes on you. people still didn’t get the appeal of eddie munson, but you couldn’t give three fucks.

your relationship with eddie was amazing. he treated you like the queen you are. no one else’s opinions mattered.

a few of your friends actually loved eddie once they got to know him. he was funny and charming so they understood. others, not so much.

“yn?!”

your turned and saw your best friend, ariana. “what’s up?”

“did you hear about what happened last night? apparently jason cheated on chrissy again, but she caught him in the act.”

“it was about time. we kept telling her he’s no good.”

“yeah, but that’s not the worst part. she forgave him instantly! he kept apologizing to her all night and she made him promise he’d never do it again.”

“she can’t be that dumb?!”

eddie was already over this conversation. not giving a single fuck about jason fucking carver.

“im gonna go find the guys. see you later, baby.” eddie kisses you passionately before walking away.

“god! you’re so lucky. eddie is literally the perfect man.”

you honestly couldn’t argue with that. eddie was the perfect man! and if this closed minded, dumb fucked town actually got to know the metal head, they’d realize he was the sweetest man on the planet. you were so sick of them judging eddie simply because he liked listening to heavy metal and playing a fantasy game.

eddie made you the happiest. no boyfriend before him has ever treated you the way he did. eddie was the kind of boyfriend to buy you flowers every date, run to the store to buy you pads or tampons when needed, cuddle you whenever you just needed someone to hold, listen to anything and everything you had to say, gives you random forehead kisses, and so much more. he was perfect in your eyes.

not to mention, the only man who could put you in your place. eddie was a very dominant man when it came to the bedroom. it’s something you lacked in the past. most guys just want to get off! they couldn’t care less about your needs. eddie, eddie made sure you came at least once before he fucked you into oblivion.

“i know! god, ari! he’s so romantic! just last night he took me out to this fancy ass restaurant outside of hawkins. he bought me my favorite flowers and spoiled me with anything i wanted! i don’t understand how i got so lucky with him. it still baffles me.” you slowly shake your head as you looked over and spot eddie talking to his group of friends.

“please find me an eddie, girl!”

“his best friend gareth is single!”

“the one with the short hair? he’s cute!”

“mhm! he’s still very skeptical of me. but i can ask eddie to talk to him for you. im sure he’d finally give me the green light as well. so far ive only been able to win dustin over.” you sigh.

it was hard on your relationship with eddie. you wanted—no, needed his friends to like you! you weren’t going anywhere, you let eddie know that the moment you took interest in him. he knew that of course! but his friends would still put things into his head. calling you suspicious, saying girls like you don’t date guys like them, saying you’re using him, calling it a bet like you’re in so basic ass rom-com! it hurt. you love eddie with your whole heart. sure, the two of you were young, but you knew eddie was your person. you wanted to marry him someday and have as many little munsons ruling the world in the future! but winning the friends over was a must! and you’d do anything and everything to try and prove to them you’re not going anywhere.

“set it up! we can double date.”

“texting eddie now,” the first bell rung. you say goodbye to ari as eddie walks over to you and walks you to your first class of the day.

taglist: @lov3withurgency @sunshineandwitchery @melaninjhs @baileebear @am0iur @lovesanimals0000 @pipsqueakkitten @paygurlxoxo @peachy4u2

if anyone else wants to be added to the taglist please kindly let me know <3

#eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x black!reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem reader #eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson x yn #eddie stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson x you #jqhotchner #beauty and the freak jqhotchner

[snwusberry]

cry for love

pairing: yeonjun x reader x wooyoung

genre: angst, fluff (if you squint real hard)

warning(s): language, food/eating, alcohol consumption, intoxication, a lot of crying, toxicity (yeonjun is a lil toxic ngl), trust issues, cheating mentioned but no one actually did, a lot of tears. love square my dudes. pov changes (sorry). there are many errors. i will try and fix them as soon as possible.

wc: 7k

notes: this is by far my longest fanfic (i had to bust out my laptop for this one) and i'm not gonna lie, for someone with a short attention span, this was quite difficult to write but i wanted to step out of my comfort zone so here it is. i hope you all enjoy this one

playlist:

cry for love - baekhyun

movies - conan gray

the cut that always bleeds - conan gray

like i need you - keshi

i don't - sabrina claudio

bleeding love - leona lewis

reader pov

"this is the third time in a row now yeonjun. how many times is she gonna rock up at your apartment drunk?" i ask him, looking at the sleeping girl on the sofa. she’s a little too at peace for someone whos ruining my night right now.

"she comes here because she's most familiar with me. who else is supposed to help her?" yeonjun defends and i roll my eyes, not having any of it. this not the first time this is happening.

"her other friends. it's funny how she's got other friends, isn't it?" i sarcastically remark but he just returns a stern look.

"quiet down, you're gonna wake her up." i raise my eyebrows at the sheer audacity.

"have her sleep somewhere else then. i don’t know, call someone to pick her up and look after her. you're not doing none of that tonight." i tell him.

it's tiring how much this happens. she always does this. she comes up with something whenever she knows yeonjun and i will be together that day, like right now. she appeared drunk on yeonjun's doorstep on the day we decided to spend time together.

"please be serious right now."

"i am being serious. she's not spending the night here." i fight back, trying to stand my ground but i'm afraid i'm fighting a losing battle.

"this is my apartment y/n, not yours. i think that i should be the one to make that decision, no? stop bitching about it." he responds coldly with an unreadable expression on his face. there's a look in his eyes i've never seen before.

"okay then i'll leave."

his eyes soften upon hearing my tone of voice indicating that i am, in fact, upset.

"i didn't mean that." he tries to hold my hand to stop me from leaving but i pull away, getting my things to leave.

"then what the fuck did you mean?" i ask him turning to face him but he just stares, not saying anything. “you said what you said. call me when you drop this act of yours."

once the cool air outside the giant apartment building hits me, i let out a sigh, frustrated by all this. he really said that to me with a straight face and thinks he can just take it back all willy nilly? unbelievable.

i send a text to the person who's been helping me through this somewhat confusing moment in my relationship.

me:

are you busy?

i get a text back fairly quickly, i don't even need to read it to know he's not busy and judging by his patterns, he wouldn't have responded so quickly had he been occupied.

woo:

no

i make my way down the familiar road to one of my best friends' apartments. i've been here many times before but now i feel bad for even thinking about going there because i feel like as of late, i've just been there to complain.

"oh y/n. come in." he ushers me inside his warm apartment.

i make my way in and he walks me to the kitchen where i sit by the small island.

"let me guess, the name starts with m?" he asks, preparing some tea for both of us. i nod but the tears start to fall. i fucking hate when my anger turns to tears because it makes me feel weak. "that's not all, is it?" i shake my head and he walks around the island to pull me into a hug.

---

i sit on the sofa with a cup of tea in my hands. wooyoung sits next to me listening to everything i'm saying while i rant about what happened with yeonjun.

"that's messed up like how many times is she gonna show up drunk at his door?" wooyoung asks, outraged at the audacity of this girl.

"that's literally what i said to him. i told him she couldn't have gone to anyone else and you know what he said? he said 'she's most familiar with me. who else with her?' can you believe this guy?" i rhetorically ask, taking a sip from the cup. "and then i said to him that she's not spending the night and i kid you not, something in him just switched. he was like 'that's not your decision to make' but like, the way he said it... it was so unlike him. it's like i was talking to a whole different man."

"if this continues its gonna be a problem." wooyoung warns me cautiously.

"i know. i don't like where this is going."

---

i wake up, sitting up to look around, realizing i crashed at wooyoung's place. everything from last night coming back to me. i remember how yeonjun acted, that i cried and now i'm here.

"ahhh." i groan throwing myself back on the bed. how long is this going to go on for?

"rise and shine." wooyoung calls out a little too chipper. he enters the room and i glare at him. "what's with that face? come on i made you breakfast."

"you didn't have to."

"you say that all the time and yet here we are. come on grumpy." he says, pulling me out of bed.

"i'm not grumpy." i mumble with a pout.

"say again."

"nothing."

"thought so."

he makes me sit down at the kitchen table where the table is set with my favourite breakfast. i thank him, sitting down.

"don't be shy."

i smile at him, immediately digging in.

"slow down. the food isn’t running away." he warns and i apologize briefly.

my phone starts ringing and i check to see who it is but my smile falters and wooyoung looks at me worried.

"who is it?"

"yeonjun."

his face falls at my answer, as if a happy moment was ruined.

"answer."

i nod, answering his call but i take a moment before saying anything.

"babe?"

"hello."

"baby, please come over, or rather, i'm coming over-" his voice sounds hasty, his breathing choppy, as if he ran a marathon.

i look at wooyoung for a second with hesitance and he's just minding his own business but the look on his face shows he's upset.

"don't bother." i tell him bluntly. i'm still not over last night so let me be petty today.

"why? is everything alright?"

"i'm not home." wooyoung looks up and shakes his head making me sigh. "look, i'll be right there. just make sure your friend is not there once i arrive."

"come on y/n not this again."

"i'm serious yeonjun." i hang up before throwing my phone on the table. letting out a sigh in frustration because i don't want to go to him right now. he could at least let me enjoy my morning.

"go on." is all wooyoung says before standing up and clearing up the dishes to wash them. his mood has clearly drastically different now.

"wooyoung-"

"go talk to him. you can't leave these things unresolved like this. go talk to him and sort this mess out."

"but wooyoung."

"no, not another word. besides you can always come back once you're done." he suggests so i just agree.

"okay."

i walk out, calling an uber to yeonjun's apartment building, deciding not to walk there.

i make my way to the elevator where i see mara walking out. i try to avoid her, not wanting to even talk to her because it will just ruin my mood completely.

"oh? look who it is."

dammit.

i put on my fakest smile, turning to face her. "hi mara."

"going to yeonjun's?" she asks and i fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"no i'm here to see soobin. haven't seen him in a while." i respond sarcastically.

"soobin is in the states."

wow i had no idea.

"great then who else could i possibly be here for?" i ask her in the most real yet fake questioning tone.

"why don't you just give up already? no matter how hard you try, yeonjun will always pick me over you anyway." she smugly remarks and i roll my eyes.

"is that why you he asked you to leave for me to come see him at my request, might i add. i wouldn’t be proud to be a choice sweetie." the elevator door opens once again and i get in, waving at her as the doors close.

something inside me is restless though because deep down i have a feeling that she might be right. he's chosen her over me multiple times so i'm afraid she's right.

once i reach his floor, i walk to his door and knock, hearing shuffling before the door opens.

"you didn't have to knock you know. i'd know it's you." he says blankly and i roll my eyes.

"yeah well then i guess we both acting different."

"babe- wait, those are last nights clothes." he looks at me suspiciously and i raise my eyebrows.

"i'm aware."

"then where were you so early in the morning? you said you didn't go home last night?" he questions.

"why do you care?"

"because you're my girlfriend, of course i care, y/n be serious please." i scoff at his words. at this point, i feel like he thinks i’m a joke because he always says that to me.

"i am being serious. you haven't been treating me like i'm your girlfriend so i don't see what's wrong with my question."

"what are you even saying? and where did you go last night then?"

"oh now you're questioning me? you called me over to talk so tell me what you needed to so i can go."

his eyebrows furrow as he looks at me confused.

"i wanted to spend time with you since our date last night was ruined." he says softly.

"and who ruined it?"

"don't start. just please tell me where you wer-"

"wooyoung's place."

his face drops to an expressionless one and he just looks at me.

"why the long face now all of a sudden? what's wrong?"

"you get mad at me for having mara over but it’s okay for you to spend the night at wooyoung's place? how is that fair? besides, i only went there because of you."

"because of me?" he questions and i nod. "why? tell me."

"because he's the one who was able to give me comfort after the way you spoke to me. you chose to let mara crash our date for the nth time." he remains silent. "what now? much like you were there for mara, wooyoung did the same for me."

"was it to spite me?” he asks me and i scoff.

“not everything is about you jun.”

“i don't want you going near him anymore. if you have a problem you come to me." i scoff, rolling my eyes at what he just said what does he think this is?

he has to be joking. he is joking right?

"and if you are the problem?"

he looks at me confused with his head tilted trying to figure out what i meant.

"what do you even mean?"

"i mean that you, choi yeonjun, are the problem in this scenario." i tell him and try to walk out but he grabs my wrist.

"let go."

"not until we resolve this."

i sigh to myself knowing he's right. we need to actually talk about this or it will just get out of control.

"come sit down." he gently speaks walking with me to the living room.

"y/n please tell me what's wrong." he asks once we've sat down. we're facing each other while he holds both of my hands in his, rubbing the back of them with his thumbs.

"mara and how you are around her."

he let's one of my hands go to run his hand through his hair, an irritated expression making its way on his face.

"you always act different when she's around."

"why are you always bringing her into this?"

"she's getting in the middle of us." i tell him and he rolls his eyes.

"baby she's my best friend, that's all."

"and she likes you."

"don't talk shit."

he thinks i'm talking nonsense? it's clear as day that she has feelings for him and it frustrating that he can't see it but him talking to me like this? absolutely not.

"i'm telling the truth. tell me, how come she always has an emergency whenever we're together?"

"i don't know. look it's not right to blame someone else for this. do you not trust me?"

"of course i do! if i didn't trust you, i wouldn't have left the two of you alone together and i would’ve questioned you the way you just did when i walked in. i just want you to see what's really going on here."

"y/n." he reaches for my hand again to hold it. "whether she likes me or not, that shouldn't matter anyway. i love you and only you and that won't change."

"then why do you always choose to be with her instead?" i ask him and he tenses.

"what?"

"you always choose her. whenever it comes down to it, it's always gonna be her. she even said it herself in the lobby and i told her off but i knew deep down that she’s actually telling the truth."

"y/n."

"like last night, for example. she showed up and you stopped our plans to go help her even though there are many other people she could've ran to, then when i walked out, you did nothing."

"this is ridiculous."

"you are being ridiculous, yeonjun. you don't wanna see what's right in front of you."

"are you jealous of her or something? babe i tell you time and time again that she's just a friend!" he raised his voice at me and i pull my hands away from him.

"oh i'm jealous... that's what it is, right? i'm jealous because my boyfriend is making time for someone else. i’m jealous because my boyfriend let's me leave to spend the night with another girl. is that what you're saying?" i question, standing up, ready to leave.

"stop talking, you're making it seem like something it's not. besides you have no right getting upset since you spend all your time with wooyoung anyway."

"BECAUSE HE AT LEAST HAS TIME FOR ME! it's selfish, yes but he has time for me when you are too busy giving all of yours to someone else!"

"are you that hungry for attention that you're too busy looking for it elsewhere?"

"fuck you yeonjun." with that i walk out and go straight back to wooyoung's apartment.

---

there is a movie playing but it's just background noise at this point because my thoughts are running wild.

i found myself staying at wooyoung's apartment for the past 3 days since my argument with yeonjun.

he let me stay here and he's been nothing but accommodating and i feel like i'm taking advantage of his kindness which is the last thing i want to do.

"wooyoung."

"hmm?"

"thank you." is all i say and he sits up from his seat.

"for what?" he asks, not knowing where all of this is coming from.

"thank you." i repeat, feeling a burning sensation in my eyes.

"y/n." i look down and he moves to the loveseat i'm sitting on. he sees the tears forming on my eyes and immediately hugs me. "what did he say to you?"

i can't answer, the words are stuck in my throat and i couldn't answer him.

"it's okay. it'll be okay."

"i don't think it will." he stops patting my back for a second before continuing.

"don't be like this y/n. he’ll open his eyes eventually."

"i'm afraid it will be too late by then." i say sadly, more to myself than anything but i said it too loud because wooyoung heard.

he pulls away to take a brief look at me.

"what do you mean by that?"

"i'm reaching my limit here."

"don't make any hasty decisions."

"i'm not wooyoung. i love him, i really do, but if loving him is only going to get me feeling like this then it's really not worth it."

"y/n-"

"it's tiring." i tell him letting more tears fall at the thought of possibly ending my relationship with yeonjun.

"whatever you choose to do, i'll be right by your side." he softly tells me with eyes filled with sorrow as he watches me cry. "and if he doesn't appreciate you someone else definitely will. you're a sweet girl who deserves only the best and it kills me to see that that's not what you're getting."

he makes me look in his eyes and mouths something that i couldn't quite catch what he said. he wipes away my tears with this tumbs, all while keeping eye contact with me.

"someone will treat you better y/n." he whispers, letting out a sigh before looking away. "come on, let's do something that'll get your mind off him." he suggests. i don't know what he means by that.

"sure."

"alright, follow me." he takes my hand and takes me to his room, further confusing me.

"wooyoung?"

"shhh." he rummages through his closet and get a long sleeve shirt, handing it to me. "wear this."

"what's this for?" i ask, looking at him.

"just wear it. there's a method behind my madness."

i just shrug and put it on over my tank top and we walk out.

---

"a rage room?"

"why not?" he asks, shrugging his shoulders before we both walk in and book a session.

the lady explains the rules to us and before i know it, i'm breaking everything around me with out a care in the world. i'm imagining mara’s face before hitting something which really helps get the aggression out.

"FUCK! YOU! CHOI! YEONJUN!" i scream while breaking the things around me. "AND FUCK THAT MARA BITCH TOO!"

wooyoung just looks at me with a wide smile which is still visible through the protective gear.

once our session is over he takes us both to go eat some street food and i feel calm after all that.

"you know, i needed that." i breath out in content.

"yeah?"

"yeah. is it concerning to feel better after imagining someone's face over an object before hitting it to oblivion?" he laughs making me smile a bit, not thinking what i said was gonna be funny but go figure.

"it's not hard to imagine someone's face over something you're gonna throw at a wall."

"who's face were you imagining?" i ask him, turning to face him on the bench.

"the one who made you cry." i stop eating briefly at what he said.

"not too much bow, he's still your best friend."

"that doesn't excuse his shitty behavior." he sing-songs before taking a bite from his food.

"still." i try to grap a fry from his box while he’s not looking but he staws my hand away before i can even get far.

"hey."

"you have your own."

"had my own." i frown showing him the empty box.

"ask next time. here." he says giving me some and i smile, thanking him.

"the weather is so nice today."

"not with that fucking vanilla talk."

"last time i try to create conversation." we laugh together, looking at the sun setting.

i feel a lot better now after going to the rage room and taking out all of my frustration.

"ready to go home?" he asks once we're done.

"can we go to your place?"

"and what will your boyfriend think of that?" he asks teasingly.

"he won't like it but i spent the last two nights at yours so what's another night?"

"i don't want him to freak out on us for that. come i'll take you home."

"please wooyoung. i don't wanna be alone tonight."

"then call yeonjun. i think you both need to sit and talk with a clear mind.”

"we tried that already, remember?"

"try again." he urges and i sigh, taking my phone and dialing his number. it rings but he doesn't pick up.

"voicemail, see he’s still mad. let's go."

“y/n” he warns and i sigh, giving in, deciding not to make this an even bigger deal.

once i get home and wooyoung has left i lay in bed, listening to the music playing on the speaker.

yeonjun and i have been together for 3 years now and we've never gone through something like this nor have i ever considered the possibility of breaking up with him so how did we get this far?

i pick up my phone to text him. i just wanna see something.

me:

yeonjun please come over quick!!

please.

something happened!!

i put my phone down to see if he will even respond.

"in my head we never grow apart. in my head you never break my heart. but we know that's not what we're doing. 'cause baby this not like the movies." i sing along softly letting a tear fall hearing no notification go off on my phone. this is exactly why i didn't wanna be alone tonight.

---

wooyoung's pov

i sit with san in his apartment just relaxing, catching up, all that fun stuff. it's been quite a while since we actually got to just hang out and talk but right now i just wish more than anything that he'd shut up or change the topic because he is driving me insane.

"i say be selfish." he finally says with a shrug to finish off his little rant.

"what do you mean by that?" i ask him, narrowing my eyes at his final statement.

"look, yeonjun is being a complete dick right now and who does she run to afterwards?"

"me?"

"bingo." he smiles, taking a sip from his can of beer.

"i'm not picking up what you're putting down."

"she goes to you for comfort and you treat her the way her boyfriend is supposed to. be selfish and let them break up. i mean, why are you even trying to help save a dying relationship?"

"because i respect both of them and their relationship. besides, that's just taking advantage of her vulnerability you ass."

sometimes he doesn't think past the present.

"and its not like she'd ever look at me that way. no matter what the state of her relationship with yeonjun is, she will still love him regardless." i tell him sadly. she's deeply in love with him and it hurts me so much because it's not certain if he shares the same sentiment anymore and i'm just here waiting to give her the love she deserves.

my phone rings and i pick up without checking who's calling.

"hello."

"jung wooyoung."

speak of the devil.

"y/n."

"wooyoung are you home?"

her words are slurred and my worry spikes. she's drunk in broad daylight. it's never a good sign.

"JUNG WOOYOUNG!"

i hear her starting to cry judging by the feint sniffing on the ither side.

"are you also tired of me now too?"

"where are you?"

"don't worry if you're busy right now. i don't wanna bother you." she hiccups, before yawning loudly.

"you're not. please tell me where you are."

"the streets." she laughs hysterically before catching her breath. "i'm outside yeonjun's apartment building."

her voice wavers when she says that and my heart sinks. what did that asshole do to her this time?

"i'm coming there okay. don't go anywhere."

i hang up, ready to get my keys.

"where are you running off to?" san questions with a raised eyebrow.

"to pick y/n up. she's not doing too good."

"let me come with."

"okay let's go."

once we get to the complex i see y/n sitting on the ground looking out of it.

"holy shit." i hear san whisper as we run to her and get her off the floor.

"wooyoung?" she smiles widely it doesn’t reach her eyes. she looks a mess with swollen eyes and tears still running down her cheeks. i feel terrible.

"if she can show up drunk at his door then why can't i? why am i not allowed to go to him all vulnerable like she does? i'm his girlfriend, not her!" she starts shouting out of nowhere which draws attention from a couple of people around us.

this isn't fair anymore. if he's gonna keep pushing her around like this he might as well just end this relationship instead of continuously making her feel like absolute shit.

"why doesn't he love me anymore wooyoung? why? why don't you love me anymore yeonjun?! what did i do?" she starts yelling, properly sobbing now, hitting my chest while she speaks.

"get lost." san says, probably talking to someone who is probably staring. i need to get her away from these people looking at her weirdly.

i take her to the car, getting in the back with her so she can sit comfortably.

"what did he do?" i ask her once she’s seated comfortably.

"he kicked me out because that bitch was there. she probably called him crying or some shit but i'm crying too." she points to herself, choking on her tears. "YEONJUN SEE I'M CRYING TOO!" she shouts to no one. i close my eyes, letting tears of my own fall. i haven’t seen her like this before. 'aww, look, you woke up poor mara who’s sad and going through things, and she’s sad and not doing too well.' it's always about poor sad mara! you know, he called me an attention seeker the other day? an attention seeker for wanting the bare minimum from my boyfriend. he's with that girl so much, he might as well be her boyfriend and not mine right?" she humorlessly laughs. "and then he had the audacity to tell me i can't be around you anymore. who does he think he is?”

did he seriously tell her she can’t be around me anymore? but then he continues to act the way he does. if y/n can't confide in me or him then who else is she supposed to run to?

“he's not mine anymore wooyoung. i think i've lost him."

i shake my head as she cries in my shoulder.

where did it all go wrong? i mean, he's never been like this before so what now? why is he acting differently now?

"enough is enough. san, please take her home and take care of her. make sure she drinks water and sobers up. i'll be there soon." i tell san who's in the passenger seat and he nods.

"san is here? hi san." she smiles widely, waving in no particular direction.

i give him the keys and wait for him to drive off before heading to yeonjun's apartment, knocking on the door and i wait for him to open. he's got a look of surprise written in his face.

"wooyoung? what are you doing here?" he asks and i shrug. "come in."

i walk in seeing another pair of shoes already there. he offers me a drink which i decline.

"is mara here?" i ask and he nods. "yeah, she's asleep in the room."

"i see."

what's gotten into him? he used to be the most attentive person when it came to y/n so what changed?

"what on earth do you think you're doing?" i ask him.

"sorry?" he asks me, completely dumbfounded by my sudden question.

"do you think what you're doing is right?"

"what's this all about?" he questions, clearly not expecting me to start asking him questions.

"mara is here sleeping am i right?" he nods. "and where is y/n, if you don't mind me asking."

"i sent her home. she came here, caused a scene and started drunkenly shouting so i sent her home because she could've woke mara up." i wanna strangle him so bad right now but i just scoff, deciding to choose peace.

"doesn't it concern you that she's coming to you drunk at 3 in the afternoon?" i ask him but it seems like i'm talking to a brick wall.

"what?"

"you're so dense."

"look, if you came here to do the same then you can go see yourself out."

"do you understand the shit you're putting y/n through?"

"don't involve yourself, this is between y/n and i." he warns but i'm not backing down. he either does something to fix this or he breaks up with her and he's deciding that today. i don't care anymore.

"no, its between you, y/n and mara so i will involve myself too. y/n has been crying non stop for days now because of you and your inability to see what mara is actually doing here."

"she didn't do anything. y/n clearly doesn't trust me to be around her so she's obviously gonna wanna cause a scene."

i raise my eyebrows at his bold choice of words. so he defends her by belittling his own girlfriend... it's bewildering to me.

"you're unbelievable. through all of this, when has she ever accused you of cheating with mara?" he remains silent. what else can he say? there's no way to defend the way he's acting right now and i will call him out for it. "she does trust you asshole, all she wants from you is for you to not blow her off because mara needs you. she needs you too yeonjun."

i'm saying all of this but a small part of me hopes he stays stubborn like this and they break up. san is right, it is selfish but i wanna be there for y/n the way yeonjun is failing to. she deserves so much more than this and that's what i wanna give her but then again.

but there's a small part of me that know i still don't have a chance anyway. she doesn't see me that way and that's the only reason i'm here trying to help save tis relationship. even if it hurts me in the end.

"i'm with her all the time." he defends and i scoff. there's no way he's actually being serious right now.

"that's bullshit and we both know it. when was the last time you two actually spent quality time together?"

"two weeks ago and then she walked out."

"without interruptions." i clarify and yeonjun's face drops. i don't know what he's thinking right now but he better be realizing his mistakes.

"you called her an attention seeker for wanting to be with her boyfriend who's too busy with another girl."

"you're making it sound like something it isn't."

"well how am i supposed to know what actually goes down when the two of you are alone together."

that hits a nerve because he yells for me to shut up and i just smile at his reaction.

"don't you ever accuse me of such things EVER. i love y/n way too much to even think about doing that to her so who are you to even question me on that? besides, you're the last one to talk."

"excuse me?"

don't act like you're not always with her. who knows what you two are doing behind my back?" he asks and i raise my eyebrows. someone needs to be here to slap some sense into him because he's genuinely lost it. if he loves her so much then why is he acting like this.

"that's how much you trust her and i? you know, she's never questioned you about mara. you say love her but you don't trust her? is that it yeonjun? and you have the audacity to say you love her then why don't you fucking show it? she sat outside this very building for who knows how long crying her eyes out asking why you don't love her anymore. she asked why mara can come to you in that very state but she can't and she's your girlfriend, no less. you know what else she said? she said she thinks  she's lost you. she said you're not hers anymore. are you hearing me? she's giving up on you and she’s giving up on trying to singlehandedly save your relationship." i tell him while he looks at me with tears forming in his eyes.

oh now he's listening...

"you know, she's told me before that she's thinking of breaking up with you because loving you is hard and she doesn't think it's worth all this pain it’s giving her."

"she said that?" he asks and i nod.

"i'm gonna give you an ultimatum. it's y/n or mara."

"quit playing wooyoung."

"i'm not. either choose mara and end it with y/n and i will personally make sure it ends or choose y/n and stop being friends with mara."

"why? you hoping i choose mara so that she can run into your arms?" he asks rhetorically but that question has an answer already.

"yes i am, actually. she's already doing that, isn't she?"

"you son of a bitch. i always knew you had feelings for her. if you ever say shit like that to me it won't end well."

"look, i was never even trying to hide it. she only runs to me after you treat her like trash. she doesn't see me like that and you know that. that's why i'm here right now. because no matter what my feelings for her are, you’re the  one she thinks about. you're all she talks about. i know i don't have a chance otherwise you two would've broken up the moment she came to me the first time crying because of you. make a choice yeonjun." i say before walking away.

---

reader's pov

headache. a fucking headache is the last thing i need right now.

"y/n?"

"hmm?"

"how are you feeling?"

i open my eyes to see san standing by the door with a mug in hand.

"horrible. why did i do all that?"

"i made some tea for you." he hands me the cup and i thank him, taking a sip a little too quickly because i burnt my tongue. "easy now."

"sorry."

"what happened yesterday?" he asks sitting down on the edge of the bed next to me.

"where do i even start?"

"ladies and gentlemen. sorry i have a little announcement. attention everyone." i slur out to everyone who's around me in the bar. it's more on the secluded part of the club so i can get away with making a little announcement. i just need these people to listen.

"ma'am, get down from there." a man who's sitting at the bar tries to help me down but i haven't said what i needed to yet.

"hold on i need to tell everyone this. HELLO!! yes."

"ma'am get down or i'm afraid we'll have to throw you out."

"my boyfriend is an asshole." i laugh hysterically, clapping and everything. "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE YEONJUN!!"

"get down!"

"okay okay i am. relax." the people around me helped me down but i was escorted out because these people are boring and don't know how to loosen up.

i could go to yeonjun. i hope he's not busy with mara right now. i miss him and we haven't spoken in a good minute.

i decide to walk, not really feeling like sitting in a stuffy car.

once i get there, i take a breath before knocking on the door and wait for him to open but nothing so i just enter.

"CHOI YEONJUN!" where is he? "babe i miss you where are you?"

"y/n?" he appears from his room and i immediately run to him for a hug.

"were you drinking?" he asks annoyed. what's his problem?

"just a little. i had like 5..."

"y/n."

"bottles." i burst out laughing but he doesn't seem to find it funny. so uptight.

"y/n you're drunk."

"am not." i pout and he rolls his eyes.

"why are you drinking at this time of the day?"

"because of you. you made me feel like shit when you didn't respond my message yesterday. o drank because you don't care about me yeonjun. you didn't even call to check. WHY DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST CALL ME? TELL ME!"

"yeonjun?" i look at the person calling his name and there stands mara in the doorway to his room.

"babe is she wearing my clothes?" i ask him after eyeing her up and down.

"she's just borrowing them."

"no you are incorrect. YOU yeonjun, took it upon yourself to give her my clothes. borrowing would imply that she asked me to wear my clothes and me allowing her to but it's nothing of the sort. see how it works? come on, go change." i tell her walking towards her but yeonjun holds me back from walking forward.

"what am i going to wear then? jun please speak to her." she is such a bit-

"y/n."

"give her yours then. there problem solved, now everyone can have their tea. i'm so smart." i pat myself on the back beaming at my bright idea.

"y/n you're embarrassing yourself."

"in front of who?" i start looking around to see if there's anyone else here but it's just the three of us. "i don't see anyone."

"me. you're embarrassing me."

"okay but in front of who though?"

"y/n go home, alright, you're drunk and you woke mara up."

"oh sorry mara. i didn't mean to barge into your home and wake you up. and don't even worry about my clothes you can have them. you've already taken something else from me, getting upset over clothes would just be trivial."

"Y/N!" i immediately stop talking, flinching from him shouting my name suddenly. my heart starts rapidly beating and my breaking picks up pace. "please just go home. now."

i nod, trying to hold back my tears as i walk out the door.

"im so sorry y/n." san said, taking my hand in his to try to comfort me. i keep my head ducked.

the door opens and wooyoung walks in.

"san what did you do to her?" he jokes making me laugh a little bit.

"nothing. shut up."

"y/n, can i talk to you?"

"sure." he walks in, sitting down next to san.

"i spoke to yeonjun." he starts off but i don't wanna hear it. anything with regards to him, i don't wanna hear it. his name alone just upsets me.

"let's not mention his name right now."

"i gave him an ultimatum." he blankly says and i look at him.

"what's the point? he's chosen her time and time again, what's the point? and talking about him will just piss me off." i dismiss the idea, not wanting to talk about it further. "let's talk about something else." i suggest.

"you really not gonna talk to him?" san asks and i shake my head.

"i don't want to. you know, something in me keeps telling me to just meet up with him so i can end it, but i'm weak. i'm too weak to do something like that."

"you can't avoid him either though." wooyoung injects but i shake my head.

"then give me time to think things over."

"i'll respect whatever decision you make." he says.

"thank you woo. but please don't let me cause a dent in your friendship. the last thing i want is for you two to stop talking on my expense."

"i'm just gonna say it. y/n, you're too good for him." san says making me smile.

"thank you." i finish my tea and take a shower before heading back to my place.

--

i look through the racks of the detergent aisle. i've been needing to buy groceries for a while.

the past week after the whole incident at yeonjun's apartment have been complete hell. a whole back and forth of emotions and its honestly too much for me but i need some air and run errands and basically get my shit together because i can't let a man put my whole life on pause like this.

my phone beeps and i check, smiling while reading wooyoung's message. him and san have been checking up on me every 3 hours, driving me up the wall here and there but i appreciate it nonetheless.

once i get home, carrying my groceries, genuinely in a good mood after actually taking a walk but ummm.

"what are you doing here?" i ask the girl.

"just visiting a mutual friend." she slyly responds making me roll my eyes.

"get lost."

"no."

"suit yourself."

i unlock the door, going in, shutting it in her face, waving before locking the door.

because i thought a bitch said something. i do not have time today.

i put on my music, deciding to clean up and pack my stuff like the mature adult i am.

while i'm going through my bills, i hear rattling at the door.

now who's trying to break in?

i stand up to go check, deciding to bang on the door to stop this person but then they start again.

"see what i’m not gonna do is deal with this rattling noise going through these thin ass walls, if you wanna get in just knock like a normal person dammit!"

the person knocks and i open the door. why? i don't know, i could literally be in danger.

"what the hell do you want?" i look at the tall man in front of me, not really expecting him to be standing there.

"oh it’s you." i try to close the door but he pushes it and keeps it open. "are you here to shout at me for closing the door in your precious mara's face?" i ask looking at the girl standing behind him.

"i'm here to talk to you."

"i don't wanna talk to you. look i've been having a good day today so please take your little hip attachment and leave."

she looks at me smugly and i decided to just turn a blind eye because she's pissing me off.

"mara please leave." he tells her not even looking at her. her face drops and i look at yeonjun, confused.

"do you want me to wait for you outside?" she asks him, voice getting high pitched as if she wasn't sounding like someone's father while speaking to me earlier.

"go home mara." he sternly tells her.

"jun-"

"leave." he urges making her open and close her mouth like a fish. deserved bitch.

"yeonjun why are you here?" i ask in a defeated tone not really in the mood to talk to him right now.

"i wanted to talk to you. can we please talk?"

"no." i try closing the door again and he stops my from doing so again.

"please y/n."

"i don't want to talk to you right now. please just leave me alone and don't be so rude to mara. go with her and leave me alone please."

"y/n."

"GO."

"i'm not ready to give up on us y/n."

"I TRIED WITH YOU YEONJUN! i've been trying with you. it’s only when i've reached my limit when you come to me with that? it took someone to force you to make a choice for you to realize the shit you’ve done but all those times i've pleaded with you flew over your head. i stood in your apartment drunk as a cry for help and you threw me out because i woke your dearest friend up! i took everything and accepted it quietly. you called me names and i accepted it, you spoke to me however you wanted to and i accepted it. you had that girl in MY CLOTHES, USING MY SHIT SLEEPING IN YOUR BED AND I FUCKING KEPT QUIET. i never once doubted you or your relationship with mara, only to have wooyoung tell me that you had the fucking audacity to question my loyalty to you when i've never given you a reason to. it's not fair so for you to come here, sending mara away in front of me as if to prove a point and demand that i talk to you. it's just pathetic." i yell out to him, finally getting it off my chest.

it felt good to actually say it and dare i say, to shout at him the way i did.

"you're only here because wooyoung gave you an ultimatum and that's what fucking opened your eyes? i'm your girlfriend yeonjun, not a choice and if it's gotten to a point where you havr to you're have to choose me or someone else then please just don't bother choosing me, it's insulting. now please give me some time and leave from here."

he nods his head and i can see the prominent pain in his eyes but i need to stand my ground.

he finally leaves and i shut the door. i truly can't believe this guy.

the last couple of weeks have been hell and here he comes all willy-nilly talking about some, 'i'm not giving up on us' well it sure as hell felt like it. after pushing me away for so long he only comes to me now after i've given up? i've told him how i felt but he only listened after someone else told him.

"fuck you yeonjun!" i sob out quietly. i've found myself saying that a lot lately because who does he actually think he is?

still, after all the heartache, my heart is still too weak to leave him.

he's just a caring person though. that's how he is but if he's caring, then we wouldn't be like this now.

i know that mara is the main reason all of this is happening, he's never acted this way until she developed feelings for him and decided to try to separate us, but he still made his own decisions regardless of that. he let her get between us and he chose to treat me the way he did.

i wanna get back to how we once were but there's this lingering question of 'what if this all happens again?'. i mean, he didn't hesitate to forget me once so what's stopping him from doing it again?

my phone rings and i walk to go pick it up, seeing it's wooyoung calling.

"hello?"

"are you dumb?" he asks me and i furrow my eyebrows.

"okay ouch, first of all, and second, where is this coming from?" i ask him.

"why did you shut yeonjun down when he wanted to talk things out?"

"because i'm tired woo. he's been putting me on the back burner for another girl for weeks before i said anything and when i did, it all just spiraled after that. he spoke to me any which way and i took it but it became too much. i'm tired from all the chasing." i rant out to him, feeling tears forming.

--

"so what does this mean for the two of you?" he asks.

that's a good question...

the next week has just been me thinking everything through. 3 years together is a long time to consider.

i call yeonjun telling him i’m outside before entering the building. i walk to his door thinking over, knocking on it before he opens it.

"y/n. uh come in." he steps aside, allowing me in. being in here fills my head with nothing but memories of the recent events. that's not a good sign.

"do you want anything?" he asks but i decline.

sitting at the kitchen table in awkward silence, my leg bouncing up and down from the nerves that have taken over.

"i'm sorry for lashing out on you last timea. i didn't let you explain your side of the story which was unfair on my part." i tell him, avoiding eye contact.

"how you reacted was valid. i haven't been the best boyfriend to you for a long time now and i wanna apologize for everything. for the way i spoke to you and treated you. it was completely unwarranted and unnecessary and i should have listened to you the first time, no actually, i shouldn't have given you a reason to feel that way in the first place."

i see tears forming in his eyes as he speaks and it takes a lot in me to not engulf him in a hug to comfort him. i can't do that right now, i need to be headstrong.

"it shouldn't have taken someone else to talk to me about this before realizing what i did to you and i should have managed my priorities better. you know, you're the most important person to me and i didn't show it and worst of all, i questioned your loyalty to me, not once but twice."

i never once did. not even when i saw mara walk out of his room because that's how much i trust him. you can't love without trust and he clearly couldn't seem to trust me and that's what stings the most.

that's what breaks my heart more than anything. i haven't given any reason to feel that way which is why i was shocked when he doubted got just me but wooyoung as well. everything between us has been nothing but platonic but clearly he didn't see it that way. a tear rolls down his cheek and i look away so that i don't see him crying, it's my biggest weakness.

"i should know better than anyone that you wouldn't even think of doing such a thing. look, i regret everything y/n. you shouldn't be apologizing for the way you reacted yesterday, i was wrong, i let someone get between us and i hurt you. that's my biggest regret." he says.

we both have tears running down our eyes but i still refuse to look in his eyes. he takes hold of my hand before continuing to talk.

"i'm not asking for you to forgive me right away because i know that's a big ask but let me earn it please."

"okay. you can earn my forgiveness." i smile weakly at him before quickly looking away. "by letting me go." i finish and i feel his grip on my hand loosen a bit.

and that is why i didn't want to look in his eyes. because i know i wouldn't be able to tell him that had i looked in his eyes.

it hurts to do but i know it's the best decision for me right now.

" y/n, what- what are you saying?" he asks, stumbling over his words.

"i thought about this yeonjun. the things you've said to me, the things you've done. it was so easy for you to forget how to act, who's to say it won't happen again?"

"i cut ties with mara."

"it shouldn't have to get to that point. that means that you'd let this keep happening otherwise. it shouldn't get to the point of you having to choose."

"i don't wanna lose you." he weakly tells me but i shake my head.

"actions have consequences. please let me go. let's end this here." i feel the lump in my throat forming and that's the last thing i need. i can't let myself change my mind now. i've had to think about this far too long to let myself fall back in his arms. it's for the best.

"is that really what you want?" he asks and i nod, not trusting myself to talk. "then that's it."

i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding.

"i love you yeonjun."

"i love you too." he says before letting go of my hand.

i walk out without looking back, because if i do, i'll just run back to him.

‘sorry heart, i guess we’ll just have to start again.’

i let more tears fall as i walk into wooyoung's car.

"ready to go?" he asks and i nod and with that he drives off.

"you missed the exit." i told him and he just smiles.

"i know."

"where are we going?"

"who knows?"

"wooyoung."

"you need to see some scenery, get some air, and let your mind relax so that's why. remember, there's a method behind my madness. there always is." he saus smiling.

"thank you woo."

"don't. you deserve the best and i'll always be there to give you just that." he says to me making me smile.

#choi yeonjun #yeonjun #yeonjun imagine #yeonjun scenarios #jung wooyoung #wooyoung #wooyoung imagines #wooyoung scenarios #yeonjun angst #wooyoung angst #tomorrow x together angst #txt angst #ateez angst #tomorrow x together #ateez #kpop imagines

[lale-txt]

🌙 One Piece characters and their recent search history (pt. 2/?) ➳ w/ Marco, Doflamingo, Smoker, Nami, Zoro, Garp, Kaido & Killer

a/n: oh well here we go again (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ yes some of them are based on true events, please don't ask, just enjoy ok bye

➳ part 1 w/ Ace, Roger, Law, Shanks, Whitebeard, Sabo, Sanji & Kid

Marco

“pineapple squishy reaction gif”

“purple shirt big pack”

“fun things to do when immortal”

“gol d. roger sexy fanfiction”

“how to stop laying an egg when in panic”

“100 egg recipes”

“cool frilly sandals + with heel”

“goth phase not just a phase”

“WikiHow proper way eating pineapple”

“eyebrow tutorial for beginners”

“45 still not a dilf what do”

Doflamingo

“free therapy near me”

“best anti-aging cream against rage wrinkles”

“if fur coat bad how about feather coat”

“fuck PETA”

“how to activate haki in ass cheeks only so i can sit on my logia enemies”

“sunglasses fashion crimes”

“Sir Crocodile OnlyFans”

“The Sims: Hate Crime edition”

“white noise human screams for sleeping”

“AITA for murdering biological family”

Smoker

“when too late to change careers”

“what is brat taming and why does everyone want it from me”

“how to escape fangirls i'm tired”

“nicotine plasters big pack”

“sudoku for relaxation extra hard”

“how to look subordinate in eyes after body swap”

“Monkey D. Luffy signed autograph”

“why dilf already at mid 30s no children”

“slutty maid outfit for beefy men”

“dilf maid cafe application”

Nami

“MLM pyramid scheme getting rich”

“what is crypto and how to get it”

“girls kissing”

“girls more than kissing”

“mean lesbian of friend group test”

“money aesthetic mood board Pinterest”

“marrying into royal family”

“cute cottage core date ideas for blue haired girlfriend”

“how much to charge for feet pics”

“how to get away with tax evasion”

Zoro

“showering overrated”

“Perona handmade plushies Etsy”

“Zoro figure uncensored”

“how to make first move on stupid cook”

“Find My Device but for humans”

“how to adopt reindeer son officially”

“SBS chest sizes”

“mommy milkers crop top”

“how to set up OnlyFans”

“throat goat meaning UrbanDictionary”

Garp

“wife lost in parking lot since 25 years”

“lost doggy hat where”

“marines pin-up calendar Sengoku”

“how to raise grandchild”

“fucked up raising grandchilds what do”

“mountain bandits near me”

“lost my son too help”

“revolutionaries headquarters Google Maps”

“skipping leg day consequences”

“funny dad shirts cool pattern only”

Kaido

“101 hair braiding ideas”

“trans rights petition”

“arranged marriage application must have death wish”

“Oden recipe”

“One Piece where”

“am i forbidden dilf”

“cool stripper names”

“custom build pole for 710cm tall man”

“pole dance tutorial advanced class”

“babygirl booty shorts”

Killer

“one pot pasta recipes”

“food blogging 101”

“how to stop laughing and start murdering instead”

“girlfriends on bed doing make up meme with men”

“WikiHow thirst traps without face reveal”

“how to cut your own bangs”

“silver shampoo big pack”

“clogged drain bc hair what do”

“anger issues when a problem”

“Eustass Kid x reader”

#marco the phoenix #donquixote doflamingo #roronoa zoro #monkey d. garp #vice admiral smoker #massacre soldier killer #nami #kaido #one piece headcanons #cat burglar nami #op killer #one piece writing #one piece imagine #one piece scenario

[save-the-villainous-cat]

A flirtatious villain with a stoic and increasingly flustered hero in a hotel room together, there is only one bed

“Fuck,” the hero whispered. “Holy fuck.”

They stared at the bed with all the hatred their pure little heart could come up with. However, it was a bit useless. Unfortunately, the bed didn’t disappear. It didn’t even come close to it.

“Damn. Someone has some hidden anger issues,” the villain said in their favourite taunting voice. It had been bad enough that the hero was stuck with them. It had something to do with negotiation or whatever. The hero was very bad with listening. All they knew was that the agency wanted them to meet someone very important tomorrow. And the villain had to accompany them.

Sometimes the hero wished they’d listen some more when their superiors were talking.

“I don’t have anger issues,” the hero said. The villain was so stupidly annoying they were certain that it would actually cause anger issues in the very near future.

“Don’t worry.” The villain punched the hero’s shoulder playfully. “Your secret is safe with me. I like it a bit rough, actually.”

The hero sighed as they already felt the hauntingly familiar heat in their cheeks. It was happening way too often.

“I hate you,” they whispered.

“That’s so hot.”

Ignoring them, the hero threw their backpack next to the bed. They were definitely prepared for this. The training at the agency didn’t have a course about flirtation.

“I’ll take the floor,” they announced. Apparently this was funny to the villain. They laughed as if the hero was the funniest person in the entire universe.

“Look, you don’t have to be intimidated by me. My skills are…advanced but I’ll go easy on you,” they said eventually and the hero wanted to bury themselves right there.

The flirting had gotten worse over the last few weeks. Yes, the hero enjoyed it. Being liked enough by your enemy to be punished with their flirting was…flattering. But the hero hated how they reacted. Their face blushed. Their hands started shaking. Their thoughts tumbled through their skull.

“Could you stop that for just five seconds?” the hero hissed at their enemy. “We’re not here to flirt or to kiss or to sleep together.”

“Darling—” the villain said. Their facial expression had changed rapidly, as if they’d just realised something but the hero couldn’t really interpret it. Nor did they were interested in that. It was odd but the hero needed to get this out of their system.

“I am really not in the mood for your games. The last time you flirted with me, you trapped me and pushed me against a wall. Like, you drive me crazy…” the hero continued.

“Darling,” the villain tried again. To no avail.

“It’s just humiliating. I can’t flirt. I’m not good at it. I get embarrassed and can’t do it, it’s just—”

“Darling.” The hero stopped talking instantly, their head whipping around to their nemesis.

“What?!” They realised too late that they’d reacted to the pet name. But the villain didn’t seem to care. They looked tense, they looked concentrated.

“The room is bugged. Someone knows we’re here.”

Oh fuck.

#yes yes villain very Smart #writing snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroxvillain snippet #heroes and villains #hero #villain #hero x villain #heroxvillain #request #an answer for an ask

[banamine-bananime]

opinions on wash? for character bingo ^_^

I do love wash but for me he’s like, blorbo by proxy to soooo much of the fandom that i’m like aight he doesn’t need me there’s other people appreciating him way better than i would anyways. It’s also kind of that “zone of compelling mediocrity vs having nothing to add to a complete concept” thing for me. Like his character arc is arguably executed the best, at least one of the best-executed, in the show, and then any things to elaborate on have been elaborated on so well by so many awesome writers in this fandom that i’m like *thumbs up* tight story I have nothing to say. But since i don’t talk about him much i’ll take this opportunity to just list things i do love about wash:

really funny guy in both intentional dry sarcasm ways and unintentional ways through being so fucking… how to describe it… sort of a Stoic Military Man who Endures Things and represses Unnecessary feelings and denies himself pleasures when he does not need to do that. He does such weird things and he’s like so serious about it, sighing deeply and resignedly at Yet Another Time The Universe Is Testing Him, yet at the same time recognizes the absurdity in these situations but just… doesn’t take that recognition to the point of removing himself from the situation or refusing to engage and instead he just Endures but also wisecracks about it.

obviously all the epsilon stuff. Man. situationship of all time

LOVE the marathon-winning grudgeholding in a way that he’s entirely silent about it until suddenly he is very not silent about it. guy who CANNOT just fucking let it go but you’ll never realize that until it’s too late. reactive dog with growl violently trained out of them “bites out of nowhere!!!”

going along w that, yay repressed anger issues!!! sorry that’s flippant but i have so much love and sadness and anger for ~Troubled Kids~ railroaded into violent professions and places based on being branded with labels of violent/oppositional/defiant/angry/dangerous instead of being helped. “hey you’re struggling with something that’s making you so angry you can’t contain violence or feel so unsafe that the only defence you’re left with is aggression or feel that you need to make people fear you to feel a little less unrespected and powerless or so that they get a taste of it for once. instead of addressing that i think we can use it. you know how people believe you’re Bad and that you’ll never change and lots of doors are shut to you? well, this one’s wide open and it’s what you’re meant for, as a person who is good at violence and not trusting people. come here and we’ll train it into you some more.” i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: cop-dog-coded motherfucker

really really good juxtaposition of this with being the goofball rookie. i know some people get frustrated with the inconsistency between pfl-recruit-era wash in book-extras vs in the show but to me it really adds something. a guy can both be goofy and have repressed anger. that guy might play up the goofiness trying very hard not to again be railroaded into Being The Crazy Angry Dangerous Kid. he is friendly and wants friends! that guy might also internally chafe at the kind of friendship that exaggerated “i’m not a threat! i’m not a threat! i swear i’m not a threat i’m just a little goofy guy!!” presentation begets. being treated as the dumb hopeless class clown sidekick is demeaning and makes you resentful no matter how hard you’re trying to make yourself think “hey, they’re my friends, this is good, they like me, they’re joking with me so they don’t hate me, this is so much better than being disliked”. and then you’ve got this internal spiral going of fear of your own capacity for anger and resentment -> overcorrect -> more things to resent

YAYYYYYYY JUSTIFIED VILLAIN ARCS MY BELOVED. love s8 washie so much.

as with carolina, really well-executed redemption arc of growing to accept friendship and rest and forgiveness and hanging onto hope that there is something better (frands and luv for them) you can shoot for than just getting revenge. wash: life is just unending cycles of violence forever change my mind. *blues offer him forgiveness and unconditional acceptance* wash: wait. i didn’t know they could do that. brb recalibrating my entire worldview to account for the power of friendship.

i actually don’t like a lot of fandom “wash and cats” content because it often hits kind of a woobification tone i’m not interested in, BUT i love imagery of alleycats, cats with nine lives, cats that always land on their feet (even when they fall off something in the goofiest, most clumsy way possible. wash paradox of dexterity/somehow surviving against all odds and dumb clumsy accidents/bad luck real). cockroach kitty wash : )

otoh my Hot Wash Take is i think sometimes some fans swing the pendulum too far the opposite way from All-Characteristics-Erased-Except-Trauma-And-Protectiveness-And-Cats Woobie Wash. yeah he’s obviously extremely competent but he’s far from the most skilled character in rvb (not his fault the competition is insane) and he is a bit goofy. let him goof up a little i promise it’s okay he’s gonna land on his feet

#alexa send post #rvb #wash

[gayleafpool]

Talk about Varian

IM ALWAYS READY TO TALK ABOUT THAT LOSER!! get ready

-> one thing i’ve been thinking SO hard about lately is the potential of a lady caine and varian friendship. imagine it. she lost her dad and varian thought he lost his which drove them to seek revenge against and grow to hate the royal family. they both get thrown in prison. and basically forgotten about. A FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THEM WOULD BE SO FUNNY he would probably think she was soooo cool. wait imagine if they had cells near each other in prison. imagine if she saw the things he went through w andrew in prison and thought hm wow that was insane and fucked up. what if they meet again later on like post s3 and become sorta pals and feel like they can vent their lingering resentment toward royalty w each other and just like. idk talk about all the shit they went through. WHAT THEN HUH

-> related i get so emo about varian repressing his trauma and like, outwardly it seems like he got over everything that happened to him with the blizzard/amber/prison/etc etc but really it was more relief that rapunzel forgave him and was able to free quirin so it felt like everything should be FINE and it would easy to just leave everything in the past so he tries and he thinks he’s getter better and doing well but he’s really getting so much worse and refuses to address or process any of the shit he went through until it all majorly comes crashing down a while later. there are these little signs in the way he behaves like he acts weirdly reckless sometimes and will put himself in bad situations, just starts to exhibit signs of what happened to him. iykyk u know we know. and it’s so hard for him to rationalize this and accept this bc his feelings are so complicated bc he would tell himself that he deserved to be treated that way or even liked it because he was so lonely and desperate for positive attention so there’s this shame and guilt aspect that makes it 10x harder to talk about and AUGHHHHHHH. i could write an essay. this is so important to me. everyone be nice to me about this

-> okay lighter topic. something i always forget about varian is that he’s a good artist like canonically i think that’s so fun. THEREFORE: varian and rapunzel drawing/painting together. ENOUGH SAID!!!!! i love them

wait now i’m thinking more varian and rapunzel thoughts. rapunzel teaching him how to dance. rapunzel being one of the few people who’s happy to sit and listen to him ramble about chemistry n shit cuz she loves learning new things so she’s genuinely interested. they are so <3 IVE ALSO SAID BEFORE that i think varian looooves learning new languages and he’s really good at it and i think rapunzel would be too!! they just end up having lots of common interests

also i refuse to believe varian ever gets taller than her i just cant see it

-> mmfmfmfmfmf varian and ulla thoughts. the fact that they look so similar makes me crazy. i also like to imagine that his hyperactive inquisitive balls to the walls insane personality comes mostly from her too. cute but batshit 🫶🫶 also the anger issues. u know that image that’s like i inherited my mother’s anger yeah thats varian. also the idea that quirin is so protective of varian bc he feels like he couldn’t protect ulla esp when you factor in that varian is basically just a copy of her. WAUGH!!!!! i’m emo.

something something donella seeing hugo start to catch feelings for varian and being like oh so this little shit is EXACTLY like his mother. bc it reminds her of how she loved ulla but could never have her. and it makes her hate varian sooo bad. girl rein in the projection

this has been explosion hour with gayleafpool come again soon

#asks #KISSES U #ummm #mentions of abuse #abuse #<- to be safe #varian

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

"I haven't seen it but I guess the pie scene comes after this Brad interrogation?"

It does. Mobius loses control when Brad calls him "nothing" and "a nowhere man" and he slaps Brad, so Loki takes Mobius out of the room. Mobius is upset about losing it and rushes off. They end up at the pie room.

Mobius: I lost it.

Loki: It's okay. Look, it happens. You know, sometimes a rage builds up and you just gotta... let it out. Do you remember that time I was so angry with my father and my brother, I went down to Earth and I held the whole of New York City hostage with an alien army? Tried to use the Mind Stone on Tony Stark. It didn't work, so I threw him off the building. [...] I lost it. Sometimes our emotions get the better of us.

We know from the Marvel site: Gifted with a Scepter that acted as a mind control device, Loki would be able to influence others. Unbeknownst to him, the Scepter was also influencing him, fueling his hatred over his brother Thor and the inhabitants of Earth.

So, as far as Loki knows, a big part of what fueled him during the invasion was genuine anger. He makes it sound humorous to cheer Mobius up.

... except most people will ignore that part and choose to believe that Loki really did attack NYC because he was in a bad mood, because lol that's so funny or whatever. Do I wish they'd actually state the entire truth, Thanos and all, on screen? Fuck yes. Marvel continuing to not do that has been infuriating.

As for Brad, he intentionally kept Dox's plan a secret, so he supported her decision and had no problem with her pruning the branches - as long as he wasn't the one being pruned. He no longer wears the uniform, but he's still complicit.

Thank you. That last paragraph, specifically... why isn't Mobius framed the same way as Brad then? All these agents are the same, their ideologies are the same. They may not know about their past memories as variants, but they agree with the TVA and their methods. They say: "Following orders". Yeah, right, because they agree with them.

Anyhow... Mobius loses it but he's comforted and his actions are no mark of his personality, his core being or his moral failings? How quaint. If only Loki was treated with the same compassion. This is more of the same bullshit framing from S1. Some characters, namely this Mobius guy (is it obvious that I don't like him? lol), can never do wrong. What a shitty way to write a character. He's evil, let him be evil!

Okay, enough of the fascist, let me go back to Loki. I get what you mean regarding Loki's anger, but my main issue with that line is 1) The absolute erasure of Thanos, 2) The mention of the Mind Stone but only with Loki as the executor, never the victim, 3) He speaks of his anger but he doesn't expand on it.

Marvel does that a lot lately. They mention something in passing but they don't want to take the time to really talk about it, and therefore they end up simplifying a complex matter and the characters are put in "good" and "bad" boxes with superficial purposes that can be easily understood but do nothing to flesh them out. Quite the opposite, they become carbon copies of who they used to be.

Like, why not include a line during that conversation where Loki explains why he was convinced Thor had pushed him off the bridge? I don't want Loki to comfort Mobius, I want him to kick his ass and eat his head, but if he has to comfort him for... reasons... then do so, talk about anger and then mention "Although of course at the time the Stone was messing with my head and I even thought Thor had thrown me off the bridge." I'm not a writer but you get what I mean. One line, it takes 5 seconds, and you get a reference to a previous movie but a reference that is accurate and not a lie. He can even say it in a lighthearted manner if he wants to because he's supposed to cheer the fascist up.

They just don't want to. It doesn't fit their narrative of the narcissist Loki (ugh).

#loki negativity #anti mobius #I hope I didn't bother you with the anti Mobius talk #I just hate the guy lol

[weemstar]

Ive been watching this trend since Rock Paper Scissors.

I don't care about winning. I care about integrity. I don't use the shells, I hoard them.

I'm a casual player who enjoys playing with my friends and being goofy during splatfest. It's a test of my skills and I love the energy!

But unless a team color is funny or the options WILDLY popular in Japan and NOT given to her, Shiver wins.

there's an implicit bias happening if Japan affects the outcome on its own and 90% of them never interact with US and Europe players bc of the way matchmaking functions. Look at Money v Fame v Love. Love reported mirror matches so frequent that TOO many people spent half their splatfest time in mirrors for them to not get the popular vote at LEAST.

Like they keep giving Shiver the options that align most with Japanese players, ofc they're gonna pick Shiver, it's a culture thing. It's not bad or wrong, it's just not fair to the ENTIRE global player base for one single country to affect the outcome singlehandedly.

A streak this long shouldn't be happening with 3 idols. I genuinely love Shiver, her character is great and her design is wonderful, but Nintendo is stacking the deck by giving her the option that aligns with the largest section of the player base EVERY time. I haven't picked her since Nessie because I've been picking based on which one I actually want, not what promises me a win.

I'd be mad if Frye was winning this long, or Big Man. Hell I remember being a lil cross that MARINA had a 7-streak during 2, and I never played that one! It was for the simple fact it seemed ridiculously unfair.

It doesn't make sense for the score to have been *so* close at Halftime only to then turn and see 55% of the total votes going to Shiver. It's ridiculous.

Nintendo either needs to make splatfests regional again or it needs to fix global matchmaking to ACTUALLY make it as fair as possible.

People are also taking this far FAR too serious and I'm worried if something isn't done people will begin to get worse. It's a game. It needs to be patched and fixed, but stop taking your anger out on others. Stop doxxing people. Stop gore-spamming people and calling them slurs. Stop harassing people over a video game. It's not fucking real you shit-baby.

I don't want toxicity under this post. You act like an ass I'm blocking you. This isn't me being "salty", this isn't me throwing a fit. I'm genuinely asking for a problem to be fixed because it's causing genuine issues.

I don't want to see racism either. I see that shit you're being reported and blocked.

I've seen a LOT of that lately against both Shiver and Frye and it's frankly disgusting.

I'm angry at the company, not the digital character who bare resemblance to irl races that yall seem to enjoy making disgusting comments about when you're angry.

Mic dropped.

#splatoon 3 #splatfest

[no1monstersimp]

14 and 15

WARNING THIS WILL BE VERY RANTY

Sorry this took a bit to answer haha, I was thinking about these ones for a little bit and I wanted to be able to type it out on my laptop because this may be long(and my laptop is slow). This will be a pretty heavy one.

So lets start with 14 -sigh-

TW rac*sm, h*m*phobia, ped*philia, r*pe, inc*st.

I'm sure this isn't unpopular, but my opinion about the fandom is it's pretty bad. Of course I love most of the users on here and have overall been very pleasant to interact with, but the issues are very overwhelming and become more apparent on the Reddit. You can say, it's just the Reddit, but I've seen these issues on Instagram, Twitter, and pretty much everywhere else. Some of the major issues are homophobia, racism, and the very concerning amount of pedophilia jokes/normalization.

So let's start with the homophobia portion.

As I'm sure everyone has experienced sometime in the fandom, there is an overwhelming amount of homophobia within the fandom. Let's take GenoSai for an instant. Whether like the ship or not, there is definitely a double standard among the fandom. Art where the ship is Genoko(Genos genderbend) x Saitama, it is perfectly fine and little heads are turned, but as soon as you mention Genos x Saitama, everyone goes batshit. They like to say it's because "ships don't belong in the fandom" but then turn around and ship Saitama and Tatsumaki or Saitama and Fubuki. They even go as far as to say "making them gay is disrespectful to the character or it ruins them". I'm sorry but if you're that delusional, I don't even know what to say honestly. Certain users got up and arms about the Batarou ship as of late after the reveal of Kiro in 170. Many users were sent unprovoked abhorrent asks or comments all because they ship them. Some have also downplayed the fact that bisexuality exists as well because of this, just stating "Garou isn't gay" or "Garou doesn't like men". There have been some that have written amazing essays on it so I won't go too deep into it here. Another thing is the downplay of LGBT voices in the fandom. They constantly harass LGBT users for having gay ships or other LGBT ships, when all we literally want is representation. It angers me when they say "well you have Puri Prisoner" and I'm sorry, but fuck that. I literally hate the character. They have no right to speak over us and preach what an acceptable character to represent the community is. No right at all...

Anyways... back to double standards, lesbian ships are more accepted because they are fetishizing them. Some of the most popular are Psykos x Fubuki, Fubuki x Do-S, and...ugh...Fubuki x Lily. So they ignore a literal 14 year old and 23 year old and think it's okay but somehow two consenting male adults in a relationship is worse??? Same thing with incestual relationships such as Fubuki x Tatsumaki.

A smaller section is the way they excuse Darkshine. I understand the intention may not have meant to be racist, but at the end of the day we can't keep excusing it. I feel awful when I remember his backstory because he's not a bad character, in the sense that he's a good guy.

Ah the pedophilia jokes and the normalization. I can't tell you how many times I've seen really disgusting jokes about the child characters in sexual situations. The thing is, they aren't even funny. As mentioned before, they already normalize the relationship between a 14 year old and someone she looks up to, who is 23. Well, let's dive into their favorite thing, One Hurricane. There is a volume of this lovely series , I say sarcastically, in which Child Emperor( a 10 year old) is raped by Fubuki (yet again, a 23 year old) and I sadly laid my eyes on a panel. Fubuki is sexually assaulted by Saitama multiple times throughout the series as well as Do-s in one volume. They still celebrate the series as "so good" when it literally excuses rape ad pedophilia. It pisses me off so bad. There are many users who draw or post incest, pedophilia, rape and are celebrated. It's sad I can think of so many off the top of my head, BY NAME.

I have some other things I want to talk about but the post is getting long...

I'll do a briefing of things I don't like about the manga itself. I don't like the way Kama is treated, she's way too beautiful to be presented the way she is. Especially in the webcomic when her name was "Slicing Shemale". I understand that there is apparently some translation issues, but sometimes I wonder.

I already talked about Darkshine and Puri.

#fandom discourse #opm #opm fandom #opm meta

[pmatga]

Just found your blog and I really like it ❤️ so if it's not too much trouble more head cannons about your OC please

you didn't specify which oc you meant so fuck it. you get Multiple

blair spellman

idk if i've ever mentioned it before (i probably have and i just forgot lol) but she has fire powers like her dad! they aren't as strong as his are though bc she's still alive and fleshy and made up of water. she really doesn't use her powers for anything more than lighting a cigarette when she can't find her lighter, however; that's bc she can't control them all that well. like she's not accidentally setting shit on fire left and right (not since puberty at least), but if she has a great emotional outburst (especially an angry outburst), Bad Shit might happen. thankfully blair didn't really inherit their father's temper so Bad Shit doesn't really happen all that often. don't get me wrong, they Do have issues with anger but that's more due to trauma than anything related to bets (plus she deals with her anger issues in a different, yet still unhealthy way)

is the type to wear axe body spray in lieu of Actually showering because "it’s basically the same thing, right?"

prefers nightclubs to house parties.

another thing that i don't remember if i've ever mentioned before: they were on the track team back in high school. their coach once told them that if they worked hard enough, they could really go places (funny how that worked out). she's not nearly as good of a runner than she used to be, but she can still, say, outrun a swarm of ghosts if she tries hard enough (adrenaline is crazy man)

their last name, spellman, is a surname they decided for themself. and even after reconnecting with their mom's side of their bio family, they still keep their last name as spellman. it's Important to them.

has little to no social media presence. like they have accounts but they never post, they mostly just lurk

she accidentally burned down the last place she worked at (a 7/11). an argument between her and a coworker got heated (pun only slightly intended) and…well. i'm sure you can guess. thankfully no else aside from blair & her coworker were there and they got out more or less fine, so she didn't kill or seriously injure anyone (and she's lucky she didn't). and bc they could never really prove it was her---everything pointed to an electrical fire, even if they could never figure out how the fire got started so quickly nor why it didn't spread beyond the store---she never got in trouble for it nor did she have to pay for it. it scared the shit out of her though, and ever since she tends to stay away from the vicinity.

robert jadeite

if he were in the show, there'd be a running joke abt him having Just So Many shitty jobs. does he just quit/get fired a lot, or does he actually have 15+ jobs? we will never know. for example: waiter, late night gas station attendant, cashier at pacmart (walmart), working the drive-thru at pacdonalds (mcdonalds), pacbucks barista (or maybe starpacs? idk), the guy at a water park who tells you when you can go down the slide, etc. he has so many jobs and he hates every single one of them.

has a semi-popular youtube (pactube?) channel. all his videos are either "sitting in my car or on my kitchen/bathroom floor" style rant vids or 1-3 hour long vids on a hyperfixation-induced rabbit hole he'd gone down.

prefers house parties to nightclubs.

has pretty bad insomnia. he's lucky if he gets 4-5 hours of sleep a night.

he's a college dropout (mental health reasons + mid-semester identity crisis) and was majoring in marketing prior to that. he currently doesn't know what he wants to do with his life and doesn't like thinking abt it bc thinking abt the future scares him.

orbitalia spheros

she’s betrayus & stratos’ half-sister and her bio dad is japanese (or pac-japanese? since tokyo is called pac-tokyo). she didn't meet her bio dad until later in life, as rotunda never told him abt orbitalia's existence. things were shaky between the two of them at first (orbie & her dad i mean) but they're more or less alright now

sunny and orbitalia were best friends back in high school. they drifted apart some in college but they were still very close. orbie & zac were Also friends but weren't As close as she and sunny were.

she Does Not have a good relationship with either of her brothers; she's never really been close with either of them tbh. it's mostly why she almost never comes down to pacopolis except to pick up elliptica whenever she visits.

has made a few attempts to get back into the dating scene over the years, but each and every time these relationships end up dissolving bc her heart's just...not into it (and also bc well. never receiving closure on whatever happened to her husband kinda makes it hard for her to properly grieve which makes it hard to Actually move on). she's still friends with most of her exes though.

akahiro murasaki

was Not A Fan of his in-laws. this is mostly for two reasons: 1.) if there is one thing that both of the spheros brothers are equally good at, it’s at testing the patience of everyone forced by social convention to interact with them, and 2.) orbitalia told akahiro Some Really Concerning Shit abt growing up with rotunda as a mother and stratos & betrayus as brothers. y'know that thing where you're telling someone what you think is a funny story only for them to look at you in horror bc it was actually traumatic? yeah. so while he was willing to be civil for orbitalia's (and later elliptica's) sake, he didn't really go out of his way to be overly friendly to them.

is a transhet man (he/him), he & orbitalia were t4t

liked wearing boots with slight heels (much like his brother-in-laws ironically enough). not really so he'd seem taller (he was 5'9" and was perfectly content with that) but bc they looked good and that's it

was quietly self-confident. he looked good, he was good at what he did, he knew it, and he didn't necessarily feel the need to flaunt it (those kind of ppl annoyed the hell out of him tbh).

that being said he Did have some insecurities, mostly abt whether or not he was actually a good husband and (later on) a good father. as i've said before, he wasn't the most emotionally demonstrative person in the world and he worried abt whether or not orbitalia & elliptica knew that he loved them. orbitalia did (even if she did occasionally have her doubts bc anxiety be like that) and elliptica did too (at the time, at least. nowadays elli's not entirely sure)

gwendolyn hollow

her voiceclaim is sally from the nightmare before christmas

you know how i once mentioned that she uses secret tape recorders to record things? yeah. she does that so 1.) she doesn't have to just rely on her poor memory, 2.) she can decipher anything she doesn't understand later, and 3.) as a sort of audio diary.

is an appreciator of small things, like buttons and strings of ribbon, rocks, animal bones, and such. sometimes she will stare at little things that interest her for so long that griffin or even the good doctor pacenstein himself have to tell her to “move along, girl.”

slightly related to the above hc: pacenstein & griffin call her "girl" a lot. keep in mind she's at least 20 years old.

her middle name, elizabeth, is derived from pacenstein's ex-fiancée elizabeth from way back in the 1800s. and yes it's fucking weird that a.) griffin let his great+ uncle name his first and only child and b.) pacenstein named his grand niece after his ex. like sure it's just her middle name but still. weird shit.

isn't allowed to interact or even show her face to any visitors to pacenstein manor. this is bc the last time she interacted with a visitor (it was literally just to take their coat), they took one look at her, got freaked out, and made an excuse to leave. she was never really told Why but was led to believe it was bc she resembles her great-uncle. it's not.

genuinely doesn't know Jack Shit abt almost anything that's happened outside the castle and what little she Has learned has been history from like...200 years ago, so nothing recent. a whole fucking WAR happened within her lifetime and she's completely unaware of any of it.

griffin hollow

as the caretaker of pacenstein manor and the only one who can/is allowed to leave the castle, he’s usually the one who takes care of dr. pacenstein’s personal affairs---gathering supplies and equipment for them both (yes sometimes this includes Literal Graverobbing), arranging meetings with potential clients, and finding out any recent developments in pacworld (never hurts to keep informed!).

is really fucking cowardly and tends to bend towards dr. pacenstein's will, especially where gwen is concerned. he is Far Too Willing to throw her under the bus if it means getting his great+ uncle's approval.

much like his great-uncle (and much like most of his contemporaries tbh), he believes that his intelligence is far superior to most people’s and that others should be grateful to bask in his presence. unlike his great-uncle (and most of his contemporaries), however, he also knows that this isn’t a stance that endears him to others, so he usually shuts up abt it.

he doesn't express anger in the traditional sense. like he won’t yell (most of the time), get physically violent (again most of the time), or even directly tell someone he’s angry. instead, he chooses to express anger by doing this…passive-aggressive, just downright weird shit whenever he's mad abt something. like "accidentally" locking someone in a room/out of the house, hiding things (usually sentimental possessions or necessary items like keys), turning off the heating/air conditioner with no warning, etc..

#blair spellman #robert jadeite #orbitalia spheros #akahiro murasaki #gwendolyn hollow #griffin hollow #pmatga oc #pmatga #asks #anonymous #also i guess these aren't Really hcs bc i decide what is canon with them #but you get the idea

[tibby]

if it’s okay to ask do you have any headcanons on an AU where the apprentices kill John and end up being an awful messed up found family featuring my beloved Diana gordon having the weirdest parental figures known to man. Thank you in advance and don’t worry if this makes no sense it’s very late

oooh, interesting! i haven't thought much about this direction for them so it's a little jumbled but hopefully it's enough:

amanda would have to be the one to kill john. i can't imagine her ever forgiving any of the others if they did it given her issues with forgiveness as a whole + attachment to john, and i think if anyone else killed him...it'd be hard for her to ever free herself from his hold on her.

but after saving adam For Lawrence she's started to pull away from john (see here), and then everything with lynn happens and lynn is kind to her and lynn thinks she can do better than all of this, and lynn isn't involved with everything and maybe that's all amanda needs. and much like her sudden decision to save adam she makes the sudden decision to shoot john instead of lynn, because amanda deserves to have romantic love too.

and now john is dead and amanda's in crisis and there's no point in continuing the games. amanda can't go down that path again. lawrence's priority is adam, who never wanted any part of this. and even hoffman isn't stupid enough to try anything on his own when the others are still out there.

so. john dies and they wrap up the games and bury enough evidence so that strahm and perez and whoever else can't ever tie anything back to them.

and amanda moves in with lawrence and adam and it's awkward and it's hard and they're all so deeply fucked up, but amanda was the one who john sunk his claws into the deepest. so it's the hardest for her. a lot of guilt, a lot of anger, a lot of resentment. it's not a pretty time for any of them.

but time heals and amanda has lynn and lawrence and adam and they care about her without expecting anything from her, love her without demanding that she plays any games. and eventually she's able to recognise that what john did to her was fucked up and she was a victim. not all wounds can be healed but they all learn to cope and to live.

(even hoffman, who can't really go on killing when the others would turn him in so fast but he can't really go on being the world's worst cop either, so he's just kind of...there. still kind of a shitty person but when he has nothing to gain and everything to lose from killing one of the others...well. nobody else wants anything to do with him. might as well hang around).

and then there's diana. and alison has primary custody (lawrence knew it was for the best given his work schedule, brief time as a serial killer accomplice, and the fact two unstable twenty somethings live with him) but lawrence still gets her a few times throughout the month.

and neither amanda or adam really know what to do with an eight year old girl at first, but. they try! they don't swear in front of her and they sit through bad children's movies for her and they let her paint their nails all sorts of colours and put little braids in their hair.

once lawrence had to work late and they all just made ice cream sundaes for dinner, because sometimes it's okay to have a little indulgence when caring for the traumatised child of your boyfriend/friend/housemate.

diana thinks adam is a little weird (she's right) but he's funny and he makes her dad happy so she likes him. she thinks amanda is super pretty and super cool and tells her this every time she sees her, and amanda always blushes and looks away but says "thanks kid. you're pretty cool too."

hoffman is usually banned from the house when diana's visiting but one time he showed up unannounced and they were like say one wrong thing and lawrence gets to beat you with his cane. diana thought he was a freak but he made some really good mac and cheese so she didn't say it to his face.

(when diana gets older she will not have the same decorum. 13 year old diana gordon WILL make this grown former murderer cry).

diana helps out adam with his vegetable garden and she sits around and watches whenever amanda has to fix the sink or whatever.

a few years after everything, lawrence gets diana for christmas and adam makes them take a stupid family photo in ugly sweaters together. amanda tries to leave but adam will NOT let her. and the stupid picture of lawrence, adam, amanda, diana, and adam's cat is hanging up in the living room.

#ignoring logan and also the police being aware of amanda for my own narrative sake <3 #also sorry i took so long to even get to diana #i have more thoughts on the team + diana and corbett in jigsquad canon but that's a whole other thing #also couldn't include it in the post bcus apparently there's a word limit to replies now BUT #diana being so young and so sweet and loving and brave despite everything and just. good and innocent. #and amanda seeing that and realising. oh. maybe humans AREN'T all born evil and doomed. #diana gordon saving a group of serial killers from complete insanity one smile at a time #ask #inaflashback #headcanons

[desertedvault]

i'm doing a lot lately to try and mediate the toxic feelings of resentment, betrayal and paranoia in my life. i am upset at how I've been treated, fair enough, but I lose the moral high ground (truly, or in the eyes of others) by getting too obsessively angry about stuff. my long-suffering followers will all have seen me dump some bile on this blog.

anyway, temporarily quitting drinking, even though I don't regard myself as an alcoholic (although that depends on definition...), has really, really helped. alcohol really allows the mind to magnify annoyance and create toxic thinking patterns. i'd go out to the pub, talk about stuff to try and get it off my chest, become enraged, vindictive and self-pitying, then continue to think like that for weeks.

initially i quit alcohol specifically to avoid those nights where I'd be really tearing into someone who wasn't there, or collapsing in on myself. i felt an argument with a friend coming and didn't want it to happen drunk (I don't think it'll happen at this point). but i think not drinking is helping with my anger on a day to day basis as well.

i haven't drunk anything stronger than 0.5% (and those only rarely) for a month, and besides two days I did the same in January (the bottle of wine i bought tasting like expired Ribena helped me stay off it) before deciding to do so again after seeing what drinking was doing to me. I'm not concerned about the volume of alcohol I drink week on week - for me, personally, drinking has become bad where it previously wasn't necessarily, because of the way it makes me feel and act. there's been other phases of this earlier in my life. drinkig is not reliably fun or even okay when I have a lot of unresolved issues and immediate living-situation problems which are weighing heavily on my mind. atm, i'm more likely to get angry and/or depressed when drinking than I once was.

going out and socialising with my friends who always drink whenever they meet is now, arguably, easier, even though I don't do it as much. that's a lot to do with drama, and a boredom with pubs I felt long before i quit drinking.

i am neurodivergent and i frequently get overwhelmed by noise and crowds on nights out, and that probably happens more now that I'm "sober" (more on that later.). possibly. as i've written this i've realised it's more complicated. whatever way you slice it, overall, things are better.

now initially, i felt like I'd lost my main defence against being overwhelmed by quitting drinking, but now I'm not so sure. thinking back, I'd often have moments on nights where, because I couldn't for example hear anything anyone was saying, I'd lose my drunken energy and become anxious and depressed. that must, at times, have prefigured me being johnny buzzkill to everyone else. a few times it definitely made me go home early, and then miss out on fun, which I'd initially viewed as a drawback of not drinking. when not drinking, I do go home earlier as a rule (it's for reasons more complex than a lack of beer, and once again, more on that later) but I feel, so far, like the feeling of being overwhelmed, or of having embarrassed myself, is equally easy to overcome, likely easier.

without drinking it is easier for me to become overwhelmed by say, my friends having an overly animated conversation (three minutes of "YOU DO IT! I BOUGHT THE LAST THREE ROUNDS!" "YEAH ON MY CARD!" "FUCK YOU!" would have been funny to drunk me, but it was unnerving without alcohol), which sucks. but the feeling i get from that isn't as bad as the "urgh my life's a toilet sitting here saying the same crap while the world burns to death hey that's a punk band these guys aren't real punks listening to this indie poser shit but then i'm not a real punk either i suck" etc thinking that will occur when i'm drunk and overwhelmed by something different.

as implied, i am a reluctant stoner, which you'd think would make hanging out with drunk people easier, but I increasingly don't think it does; it's context-dependent at best. for you see, for me that shit is, at this point, like using a dodgy anti-depressant medication that you can get nicked for having, as opposed to it being something that makes me euphoric, which is what alcohol generally does when my mental health isn't terrible. attempting to get euphoria off le grenoise will generally result in my getting too stoned, which for me has most of the same pitfalls (differently expressed) as getting too drunk. that said, it would take a huge amount for me (personally; pissed-off cannabis users are indeed out there, and they're super-duper pissed) to fly into an angry rant while stoned. however, what I really want is to be able to manage these emotions well in a state of sobriety, not to be reliant on smoking weed for it (easier said than done when you're deep into it like me). that's the main reason I aim to go fully sober for at least a couple of months before resuming drinking (which I will be approaching very differently), so I remember how to do stuff without self-medication, and put some skills i've learned while self-medicating (from anger management resources and such) into practice.

the end of that last paragraph was arguably the most important part of this piece on some level. but also, to get back to the matter of the left-handed cigarettes, because you can't just spark up wherever you want, that creates a reason to leave certain events, having to walk somewhere secluded (which is actually kind of a nice mid-party cool-down ritual you could do without a drug problem) to smoke, or leave events entirely where it's not possible to carry pre-rolls around with you. I'm also showing up to stuff later because i get stoned to prep myself and then find i'm disorganised and losing track of time for some reason. having to rush home from work to smoke, and then rush back into town to go out, also fucking sucks. I don't view biffters as negatively as i view alcohol, in terms of how it effects me, or how it effects others. but unnecessary dependency on anything for any reason is dick, and relying on it as a medication which i'm not actually allowed to have is unworkable for me.

so in terms of where i'm at now, even though I am smoking weed, for me that's closer to sobriety, and on a lot of nights out I start a little red round the eyes but am sober by the end, and guess what, it's okay. i go home earlier, but again that's mostly to smoke a joff, which hopefully won't be an issue in a couple of months. and the fact I'm going to places, and staying there when i can't freely use substances for the duration of my visit, is impressive.

recently i went to a gig, where i had a constructive conversation with my housemate and former close friend who's been central to my MH decline and quitting drinking. i made nice with someone i'm unsure of, found someone i thought didn't like me does, enjoyed all three bands. i had an awkward interation with someone i am allowed to hate by my friends, but for complex reasons would rather get on with, but there was no spiralling after that. or after a stranger was randomly hostile to me in a crowd, I didn't get angry (although when her companion apologised, I gently but sarcastically said "have fun" after "it's alright", which was unnecessary). and it was all fine. i had to think heavy thoughts but they were easier to deal with. i drank two pints of pepsi and couldn't sleep, but fuck it it's a learning curve, now i know not to do that. it was a good night

#tw drug abuse alcoholism #had to edit this fucker twice #wanted to set a good example

[timeoverload]

So far this week has been absolutely miserable and if I don't bitch about it I think I might have an episode. We are still short so many people and I'm going to be mostly by myself every morning until at least the 10th so I have a lot more responsibilities than I normally do and I'm not really equipped to deal with it right now. My immune system has taken a shit the past few months and I'm sick AGAIN. I think it's funny how I have 2 spleens and neither of them are doing a very good job. I've taken several covid tests but they have all been negative. I'm going to test again in the morning because someone I work with has it and I still feel really shitty and it feels like I have fluid in my lungs. I don't have a fever but my bones hurt and I keep getting hot flashes. I suppose the air quality isn't the best in the house so that doesn't really help. I really don't want covid again either because it's horrible and I don't want to let anyone down right now. I also need to get my steroid injection on Friday and I'm super stressed about being too sick to do it so I hope I start feeling better soon. I've been trying to take care of myself the best I can. I'm also really nervous about having a needle in my spine. I guess I've developed a phobia of medical procedures ever since I was in the hospital for sepsis almost 2 years ago and I've had to have a lot of painful tests done since then. I'm hoping I have a better experience this time even though it sounds like it's going to be uncomfortable. Today was such a mess and it felt like everything went wrong and so many things had to be redone because of stupid shit. I also fucked up when I tried to go in the operating room while they were setting up to grab some forceps out of the closet and my jacket touched the tip of the drape so I contaminated the whole table and the tech got mad at me and I don't blame her. Luckily there wasn't a patient in there yet so they had time to deal with it but I felt really bad about it. That's the first time I've ever done that so I'm embarrassed and I should have been more careful. I can be sort of a perfectionist and I really hate making mistakes so that threw off my whole day. Not long after that happened, I got yelled at by the evening lead because he was stressed out by everything going on. I really hate getting yelled at. I don't think he intended to direct his anger at me because he's generally a super nice guy but it felt that way. I didn't do anything to deserve that. I've known him a long time and I never had a problem with him but lately I've become more afraid of him and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells more. I think things are starting to get to him too and I'm afraid he's going to snap so I'm trying to help him as much as I can. I also feel guilty trying to leave when my shift is over now and it feels like everyone just expects me to stay as long as I physically can even though they are aware of the issues I'm having. I don't expect anyone to cater to me and I feel like I'm being annoying if I say anything about it but it would be nice to get a little empathy once in a while. I try not to talk about it unless someone mentions it. I'm also getting tired of people I don't even know asking me what's wrong with me. I stayed an hour late today and everyone was still grumpy when I left. It's really shitty when I have to do pans for 20 or 30+ cases a day by myself and then I'm expected to do more heavy lifting after that. I wish I could just worry about my own stuff and not try to do everything all the time because it's going to kill me. That's what I was trying to get away from when I switched to my current position. I don't mind helping out but sometimes I feel like I'm getting taken advantage of. I feel like I can't make anyone happy lately and I'm doing my best even though I can't meet my own needs. I'm so tired but I'm too stressed to sleep right now and I can't stop coughing. I hope my test is negative in the morning and that tomorrow is a better day. I can't wait to get out of this situation because it really sucks.

#vent

[fxckmierda]

Entry 003

Dated: 31/12/2022

The last day of 2022. Does it matter? I ask myself this. It is just a reminder that i am growing old, that's all. Fuck, what does it really matter? I hardly care about anything, everything. all i ever wanted to do is just bury myself with games and just live a normal everyday life.

…. You know that feeling when you have so many bad things in your brain and suddenly just one day, you just feel nothing? you don't cry, you don't feel extremely happy and the only thing, just maybe feel so much anger. I ask myself.. why do i feel this way? why am i so.. mad for no reason? This part of me feels so.. painful, so much anger. I used to have empath towards people but all i could feel is - "Why would I care about you? (when no one care about me?)" It's so funny that as the older I get, the colder my heart becomes, I hate everything but i'm calm about it. What's wrong with me?

Recently, I talked to Mire about how I felt lately. God knows how much I love her and bless her heart for trying her best but sometime I just wanted to be heard and it genuinely felt nice if someone address about my problem. Me becoming an asshole is the last thing I expected, and becoming this cold-hearted person make me feel extremely distaste feeling. Someone once said; If you become someone you wish you do not want to become shows you had enough. Silly me, I really expected a lot and I know for many years that I shouldn't expect so much for people. Yet I still do, what is wrong with me, I wonder. Hah.

I hardly cry lately, I do not know when was the last thing I cried. About 2 months or 3? For me, it's been a while. I used to feel sad when I feel empty but now? I just... feel like this is... what it is, I guess. HAH. You know what's the only thing that could make me cry? my ex. my domi. I ask myself what make me think of her every time I feel so much emotions? anger. sadness. nervous. even happiness. A part of me still believes we will be reunited again and yes, I am living in denial which is why.. i have so much issues being in a relationship i think. It's sad that she left although I wanted her to stay even though things ended. I was in a very dark place, as selfish I could be, I didn't want to let her go but I felt it was the right thing to do because of what she went through.. I didn't want her to go through it again. It's really really REALLY hard to love someone who's severe depressed. Domi, I really really want to talk to you so badly. You changed my whole life, you did made me love, i wasn't good enough for you. I really wasn't. I know the next person you will be with is going to be as amazing as you. I always want you to be happy even if it's not me.

Hey, it's almost 1st January 2023 in 35 minutes. I wasn't sure what was this post about but hoping to have someone to get me is forever lost so I will just say this to myself: I hope I will be okay without feeling empty.