#my new appointment is next week and I fucking hope this will be gone by then?? I'm already pretty shocked it's still like this today

[orcelito]

Submitting myself to physical therapy for my cringefail shoulders bc I remembered it's a muscle problem, aka something that can possibly be fixed, SO

On the 16th, I am starting physical therapy again 💪

#speculation nation #same place i went to back in 2022. tho a different problem. #my insurance company's gotta be gettin sick of me scheduling so much shit 😂😂😂 #but it is the year of Unfuck My Life!!! even if my life continues to try to fuck itself for me!!!!! #so im in therapy again and im getting new glasses and i have a doctor's appointment end of june And new PT #AND i am also still keeping up with my dentist appointments!!! #look at Me the absolute picture of health #i really do hope they can help me with my shoulders bc this has been a problem for most of my adult life #and it kinda really does suck 😅 #PT sucks ass but it really did fix my lower back pain problems (Most of the time. sometimes it flares. but it's Mostly gone.) #ill take a Mostly better but sometimes flares with my shoulders. pretty fucking please. #scheduled it for later next week bc im busy this week. but then i will be doing biweekly appointments #i am the pina colada of fucking health. look at me go

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm still feeling super dizzy (I guess it's vertigo, it's not quite dizziness, more like everything else is moving) but I'm getting my ears pierced today... I was already pretty nervous about that, and I unfortunately have fainted in similar situations before (from seeing or having injuries/wounds/pain) so I should probably cancel? but I don't want to, because I can't be sure I'll ever be brave enough to try again, so I think I'll go anyway.

annnd while I was just writing this the problem solved itself - the piercer tested positive for covid, so she had to cancel the appointment herself.

#I don't think this would have affected the likelihood of me fainting anyway. probably. so I think it would have been fine/as fine as it #would ever be #and I didn't faint when I got my helix piercing or my tattoo. both of which hurt like hell. so I hope it'll be okay when it does happen 🤷 #my new appointment is next week and I fucking hope this will be gone by then?? I'm already pretty shocked it's still like this today #this body is garbage. literally useless. if this doesn't go away soon I'll have to talk to my GP about it and I don't want to do that so I #really hope it'll go away before Monday. it's the worst. I almost prefer being in pain over this 😭 #personal

[holylulusworld]

TOL - I’m your daddy now (2) - Lloyd Hansen

Summary: You reached the end of the rope.

Pairing: Lloyd Hansen x Singlemom!Reader

Warnings: plus-sized reader, needy Lloyd, Lloyd being Lloyd, trouble, mentions of cheating (her ex), groping, breeding kink, smut, unprotected sex, implied oral (fem rec), sex on a table, doggy style, daddy Lloyd (not the kinky kind of daddy), Lloyd mentions anal sex (implied)

A/N: This is part of my Traders of love (lust) masterlist series. It’s the prequel to TOL - Like a virgin (Bucky Barnes) and tells the story about Lloyd and his assistant sunshine. It will lead toward Ari’s story. We will see their relationship throughout all other stories. 

TOL - I’m your daddy now (1)

“Hands off, Mr. Hansen!” You slap Lloyd’s hand away. He tried to grab a handful of your ass, but you won’t have it. “Your filing system is a joke, and I don’t have time to deal with your libido while sorting all the files your former assistant hid under her desk.”

“Take the rest of the day off,” he stands behind you to press his firm body against yours. “I know your boss won’t mind. He pays you to look pretty and keep him happy.”

“I took the job for the money, not a limp dick. I already had a limp dick. He’s the reason I’m here. He wanted to push his useless dick into some new snatch. So, keep it in your pants. I don’t need dick. Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Oh sunshine,” Lloyd brushes his hand over your ass,” don’t you want to feel the healing power of my cock fucking you six ways from Sunday? Only Lloyd Hansen can fuck you so good you forget all of your problems.”

“If that was true, I’d gladly ride your dick every time of the day,” you turn around to push against Lloyd’s shoulder. Since the day you walked into his office two months ago, he tried to get into your pants. – Or rather between your legs.

“Sunshine, be careful what you are wishing for,” Lloyd leans closer. “Tell me the problem that needs solving, and it’s gone. After I solved all of your problems, I want you to fulfill your promise and let me get my hands on that juicy ass and inside your sweet cunt.”

“My car broke down. My husband ran off with some skank and stole my money. I’m struggling to keep the roof over my baby boy’s head. And my son will grow up without a dad,” you huff and glare at Lloyd. “I don’t think you’ll be able to solve any of my problems.”

“Hmmm…” He nods and turns around to grab a piece of paper and a pen. “Car, deadbeat ex, money, house, daddy,” Lloyd notes. “Give me a month, cupcake and you’ll see all of your problems will vanish.”

“Sure-“ you grunt and shove against his chest when he tries to kiss you. “I got work to do, Sir. We have an appointment with your next victim in not two hours.”

“Victim? The ladies get money and grand-prime dicks they can choose. I force no one to fuck one of our clients. They come here to make money and get their pussies pounded like never before.”

“Just tell this to yourself,” you stick your tongue out. “Now, chop-chop. Get to work. We don’t have all day. I need to pick my baby boy up after work.”

“I’d like to work that body of yours,” he grins but turns around to walk into his office. “I hope you know that you got me rock-hard again, sunshine. The moment I solved all of your problems; I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk straight for a week.”

“Empty promises won’t make me wet,” you call after Lloyd. “If not for the money, I’d quit. And just you know, I hate that mustache!”

“You love it here, and working for me,” he grunts. “Just you know, if you ever get to ride my mustache, you’ll scream my name!”

“What the…?” You look at the keys of your cars in your hands and then at the parking lot. “That’s not my car!”

“Ah, there you are cupcake,” Lloyd purrs while you look around the parking lot to find your car. “Do you like your brand-new car?” He wraps one arm around your shoulders and pecks your cheek. “It’s a BMW X7, safe for kids and the ladies love it.”

“I don’t understand,” you lick your lips. “That’s not my car.”

“One problem solved, four more to go,” he kisses your cheek again, lips lingering a little longer. “Go ahead and pick your baby boy up. I bet he’ll love it too.”

Lloyd drops the keys to the car in your hands. “I—I can’t… where is my car?” You look at the keys in your hands. 

“I got all your shit from your car and got rid of it. The papers are in the car. It’s yours, sunshine,” he grins. “I got work to do.”

You don’t get to protest. Lloyd walks away, whistling as you stand in front of the new car. 

“You can’t just…what?”

“I don’t understand,” you rub your tired eyes. “I had fifteen bucks in my bank account. Now it says I got two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in my bank account. This can’t be right!”

“Miss, I checked your account thrice. It was there for almost five years,” she snaps at you. “It’s not my problem you have bad eyes.”

You blanch at her words. “If you say so,” you’re too tired and shocked to argue. You grab your things and walk out of the bank. This can’t be true. Your balance has been negative since your husband left you. 

“Morning sunshine,” Lloyd greets you with a smack on your ass. “So, did you buy something nice?”

“What?” You glance at the paper bag filled with his breakfast and the coffee you got him on your way to work. “It’s your breakfast and the monstrosity you call your coffee.”

“Baby cakes, I didn’t get all of your money back and gave you a bonus for your hard work only for you to not buy you shiny things.”

“What? I—” You try to swallow the lump in your throat. “That was you?”

“I told you,” He grabs the bag with food and coffee to place it on your desk. “That I’ll solve all of your problems.” You end up in his arms, his face buried in your neck to nuzzle you. “I can’t wait to pound that pretty pussy. I bet you are hiding a hungry beast between those thighs.”

“Lloyd! Mr. Hansen!” You try to push Lloyd off of you when someone enters the building. “We have company.”

“Let them watch,” he purrs and nuzzles you again. “Did you ever take it up your ass, sunshine? I bet you didn’t.”

“Lloyd, a word,” a tall man with a thick beard, and dirty-blonde, shaggy hair steps toward you and Lloyd. He rolls his eyes as your boss shamelessly gropes your ass. “Lloyd! We need to talk. I need your help with something.”

“Not the ballerina girl again,” Lloyd sighs against you. “Ari, I told you to forget about her. She’s not one of my girls.”

You push against Lloyd’s shoulders to make him budge. “How can we help you, Sir?” You ask. The man doesn’t look like he has the patience to wait or to put up with Lloyd’s antics.

“Levinson, follow me to my office,” Lloyd finally turns his attention toward the impatient man. “I’ll see what I can do to get you laid.”

“I don’t want to get laid,” Levinson grunts. “I want her to be mine. She’s perfect for me. I just know it.”

“Perfect,” Lloyd hums. “Did you already get a taste of her cunt? I bet you didn’t and that’s why your aching dick tells you to marry her.”

You shake your head and try to focus on work, not the fact that Lloyd’s profession revolves around getting guys laid.

“You’ve got to be shitting me!” You growl into your phone. “You have the nerve to call me to ask for forgiveness? How about you ask your son for forgiveness? No, forget it!” You snarl. “If you dare to get close to my baby boy, I’ll cut your limp dick off!”

You throw your phone against the wall, watching it shatter to the ground. Your chest heaves up and down and you’re close to attacking anyone coming to your path.

“Cupcake! What happened?” Lloyd pokes his head out of his office, aware that you are not in the mood to get messed with.

“He dared to call me to apologize!”

“Who?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

“My ex-husband,” you grunt. “He told me that he transferred the rest of the money he stole from our accounts back and that he’ll sign the divorce papers.”

“That’s good, right?” He slowly steps out of his office, keeping an eye on you. “That’s what you wanted. To get your money back and his dead weight off of your back.”

“WAIT!” You round your desk to stalk toward Lloyd. “That was you!!!”

“Guilty,” Lloyd grins. “Problem number three is solved. And I roughed him up a little for you.” He shrugs. “I’m getting closer to the honey pot.”

Your mouth falls open. You don’t have a comeback this time. 

“Don’t tempt me to shove something more than my tongue into your mouth. You better close it or you’ll be choking on my dick, sunshine.”

“You can’t just…” You throw your hands up when Lloyd turns around to walk back inside his office.

“I can and did, cupcake. Now get back to work. I’d hate to let you work overtime,” he grins and closes the door. “Only if it includes you impaled on my dick.”

“He…and then…” You can’t believe Lloyd roughed your douchebag of an ex up for you. 

Why would he put so much effort into seducing you?

He’s a good-looking man if you ignore his personality and his annoying stache. Lloyd could have any woman, but he wants you – his chubby assistant with a kid and more problems than you can count.

Something must be wrong with him…

“Lloyd? What are you doing here?” You stare at your boss standing in front of your door. “My son is here! I can’t have you grope me or shit!”

“Relax, cupcake,” he grins. “I come in peace. I wanted to talk about a few things with you. My latest client needs our help, a special service.”

“Special service?”

“We must attend a dance class to help him,” Lloyd says. “Can we discuss this now or do you want to slap my ass for coming here first?” He furrows his brows. “What will it be?”

“Dance class?” 

“Yup,” he nods. “How about I invite you for dinner and we can talk about joining a dance class to help him.”

“I got my son here, Lloyd.”

“Perfect,” he claps his hands. “I’m burning to get to know you mini-me. We will order food then and your kiddo can watch me do my job.”

“If you curse in front of my son, I’ll castrate you!” You point your index finger at Lloyd. “I’m warning you.”

“I’m a saint in the streets and a devil in the sheets,” he smirks. “I’ll behave. Promised.”

While you wait for the delivery service, Lloyd looks around your living room. He hums and sits next to your son on the sofa. “So, bud. How are you holding up?”

Your son looks up at Lloyd, squealing as he stares at Lloyd’s mustache. “Dadda?” Your son clumsily gets on his feet to stand up and grasp Lloyd’s face. “Dadda!”

“Hey, watch out, bud!” Lloyd grasps for your son before he can drop off the sofa. “Phew, you’re a handful, just like your mommy, huh? Let me get a good look at you.” Your boss smirks. “Look at you, you little shit. You’ve got your mommy’s eyes and damn me; you’d look good with a mustache.”

“What are you doing?” You gape at the scene. Lloyd is lifting your son to play airplane while your son squeals and babbles. 

“Daddy!” Your son blubbers, making your heart ache. “DADDY!”

“Yeah, bud,” Lloyd looks you straight in the eyes, grinning. “I’m your daddy now. That deadbeat piece of … “ He clears his throat and reconsiders his choice of words, “crap can get fucked!”

“Lloyd!”

“Sorry, I meant he can ride into the sunset, and I hope a truck runs him over,” he grins and lifts your son up and down. “You are a cute little shit. No one will know you’re not mine. I’ll just make you mine.”

“What are you up to?” You try to fathom what’s going on, but the doorbell rings and you must get the food you ordered.

“One spoon for daddy,” Lloyd smirks watching your son shovel the food he ordered for him into his mouth. The peas and some of the meat end up on the table, but Lloyd doesn’t care. “And another one for mommy.” 

“This isn’t funny, Lloyd,” you snarl. “If you fuck with me, fine. But keep my kid out of this.”

“Cupcake, no swear words in front of the kid,” Lloyd tuts. “I’m not playing games here. I want you, and you come with a cute little package. So, I’ll claim him as mine too.”

He turns his attention back toward your son. Lloyd grabs a napkin and wipes your son’s mouth. “We will teach you how to eat without dropping everything on the ground. Soon you will steal all the ladies’ hearts, bud.”

You shake your head and huff. This must all be a game to Lloyd.

There is no way he is interested in playing daddy for your son…

“Another problem solved,” Lloyd lazily leans back on your sofa and groans. “Damn, that food was great. I’m full.” He pats his perfectly defined abs. “I’ll raise your cute little shit and he’s got a daddy staying for longer than it takes to fill your cunt up.”

“Is all a joke to you?” You throw your hands up. “I get that you like to toy with me, but bringing my son into this shit is a new low.” You kneel on the sofa and bend over. “If you want to fuck me, do it now and leave my son alone. Come on, get it inside.”

“Y/N,” he gets off the couch to grope your ass. “I’d love to stick my dick into this perfect cunt, but I’m into this for the long haul.” He slaps your ass. “Stop being all mopey. I told you I like the little shit. He’s my son, and you are my dirty little slut. But you can call yourself my fiancé from now on.”

“Your—what?” you look over your shoulder. “Lloyd, my son cannot watch another father leave his life. You’ll break his little heart. Don’t do this.”

“I told you,” He huffs, “I’m here to stay. The boy is mine, just like his needy mommy.” His eyes drop to your ass, and he licks his lips. “All the dirty things I’m going to do to you. Like spoiling you like the perfect slut you are for me.”

“You’re so…”

“I know…” He grins and moves his hands to your ass. “Now, where can Daddy sleep? He wants to make breakfast for his little shit in the morning.”

“You can stay in my bedroom,” you lick your lips. “But only if you stop calling my son little shit.”

“We can rename him and call him Lloyd Jr. from now on,” Lloyd chuckles at your pissed expression. “You know, that’s actually a great idea.”

“His name is Y/S/N!”

“Debatable…”

Shit, you are in trouble. No – in deep shit. Lloyd easily made you melt in his arms when he told you he wanted to raise your son with you.

Now your boss has you bend over your dining table, ready to claim your cunt with his cock too. 

“Hmm…dessert was nice,” he purrs in your ear, wet mustache tickling your ear shell. “I never ate a sweeter cupcake, Y/N. Now you’ll get the best dick of your life. This is the last dick you’ll ever get, sunshine.”

“Nghh…” You try to give him a snarky comment, but he stuffed your soaked panties into your mouth when he pushed you onto the table to eat your pussy like a man starving. 

“Do you feel this,” he holds you down with one hand while he teases your entrance with the tip of his cock. “What would your husband say if he found us here, fucking like rabbits?”

You don’t have an answer for him. 

“He’d love watching me destroy this snatch,” Lloyd slams home with one hard thrust. He moans loudly and shudders feeling your walls open up to him. “Fuck, that cunt was worth the wait—” He groans into your neck. 

You whine at your own weakness. 

He’s an infuriating man, doing nice things for you and your son and you let him not only crawl between your legs to eat your cunt, no – you let him mount you like an animal at your home too. “That snatch is gripping me so tight that it almost hurts.”

Lloyd nuzzles his face in your neck, and purrs. “But it hurts so damn good, doesn’t it?” You whine again, smothered by his body pressed against yours, and your own neediness. 

He slowly rocks his hips, forcing you to feel every drag of his thick cock against your walls. Your legs quiver. Lloyd is not your passionless husband, nor the vanilla guys you fucked before him.

The man rocking into you came to conquer and he won’t do it halfhearted. “I can feel your pretty pussy cling to my cock. She’s as desperate for me as you are. But don’t worry. I’m going to take good care of her.”

Lloyd is having a blast destroying all of your defenses. He dismantled your defense and now, you lie on your table in your dining room and get railed by the man with the mustache.

“Nggh,” you groan against the makeshift gag. Lloyd picked up the pace and you end up bumping your hip against the table. 

“Fuck, yes,” he curses loudly. “Never took you for someone wanting me to fuck you on your dining table.” He stills his hips to nip at your neck. “Do you want me to cum inside of you, and give you another little bundle of joy?”

You shake your head, but your cunt flutters around his thick length. If he wants to fulfill his dirty fantasies about breeding you, so be it.

You push back on him, taking Lloyd by surprise.

He eagerly grips your hips to move his hips in sync with you. Flesh claps against flesh, and he groans loudly as you don’t just take it.

“Fuck,” he curses and grunts while you start to go faster. “Shit, yes…”

A little too fast for his liking you clench around his twitching cock. He groans and stills his hips. Lloyd can’t move or think. This is the most intense orgasm he felt in a long time, or like ever.

“Fuck, take every droplet, sunshine.” You close your eyes and shudder feeling his seed coat your walls. “I hope I put a little Lloyd in you.”

“Goodnight, bud,” Lloyd covers your son with the blanket. “You need to sleep now, okay. Your mommy is very tired.” He grins when you enter the room to take care of your son. “Shhh…I wore her out. She’s so out of it, that I need to take care of you.”

“Daddy?” Your son grabs Lloyd’s hand, holding it tightly. 

“Don’t worry, little shit,” Lloyd looks down at your son, a smug grin on his lips. “I’ll be there in the morning to make you breakfast. And in nine months, you are going to have a brother or sister.”

“Lloyd, not again,” you swat his hands away when he tries to spoon you. “I’m tired and sore.”

“Relax, I’m satisfied for tonight. Three rounds are enough for our first time,” he plays the big spoon and wraps his arms tightly around your body. “Little Lloyd is asleep, and my cock too.”

You roll your eyes. “You didn’t keep your promise. I’ll still lose the house because my bank is a bitch.”

“Oh, about that,” he nuzzles his face in your neck. “You and little Lloyd will move in with me. I have already arranged everything. Tomorrow the moving team will come around and grab all of your shit.”

“What? No. Lloyd,” you sigh deeply. “Y/S/N needs a nursery and a garden. We can’t just move out of our home only because you are crazy.”

“I’m not crazy cupcake,” he nips at your earlobe. “I claimed you and little shit as mine. This pretty mommy is all mine now, and your son will wear my name too. He’s going to have a better father than I ever had. Soon he will forget about his sperm donator and call only me his dad.”

“If you hurt my son, and don’t keep your promises, I’ll castrate you…”

Part 3

Tags in reblog.

#lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen x reader #smut #lloyd hansen x you #plussized reader #lloyd hansen x y/n #TOL - I’m your daddy now (2) (Lloyd Hansen)

[echobx]

not my type 2 - Rafe Cameron x plus size!fem!reader

summary: Rafe comes to visit you unexpectedly and things don't quite go like you want them to

warnings: swearing, smut (p in v (unprotected), reverse cowgirl, missionary (it just happened, I can't explain it), fingering (semi-public), dirty talk, edging)

word count: 3.7k

author's note: part 2 because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I hope you like it. (also, if any of you have any clue about real estate, you are allowed to yell at me bc all my knowledge comes from watching those shows on Netflix...)

part 1

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“It's gonna have to work somehow,” you sigh and rub your hand over your forehead. You are exhausted, having been up all night to find a solution to the problem your team is facing.  Your head perks up at a knock on the door. “Excuse me, miss, the Cameron account is waiting in your office. He says he has an appointment, although I couldn't find it in your calendar.”  “He doesn't have a fucking appointment,” you yell in frustration. “I'm sorry,” you apologize immediately, close to tears but not about to start crying in front of your coworkers. “It's not your fault. I'll just go and send him away.”

“Why are you here?” you ask while entering your office, and he turns around to smile at you.  “I'm guessing you're not happy to see me?”  “It's really bad timing. You could've called,” you sigh exasperatedly while looking through your emails.  “You didn't leave a number,” he reminds you, and you slowly pick up your head to look at him.  “You have the office number,” you force a smile.  “Yeah, I'm not gonna call your receptionist to ask if you got time to get drunk or need a good fuck,” he says while walking around your desk and standing next to you.  “Would be inappropriate, yes,” you look up at him, but you freeze as you see your dad step inside. 

“Y/n, you didn't tell me Mr. Cameron was coming in. I would've welcomed you earlier, Sir,” he introduces himself and Rafe shakes his hand.  “It's really no issue, Mr. y/l/n. I'm in really good hands with your daughter,” Rafe charms him.  “She's the best,” your dad praises you, and you nod along, too tired to actually care. “Now, let me show you around,” he leads him out of your office and Rafe quickly turns his head to give you a slightly panicked look. You mouth a “have fun” at him, and then he's gone, and you are allowed to get back to work. 

“Listen, if we switch the staging company-”  “That's not gonna help with the interest rate, James,” you sigh, pacing the room.  “Was just a suggestion,” he mutters.  “I'm calling it. This isn't going anywhere. Let's go home and come back tomorrow morning with some new ideas on how to fix this shit,” you suggest, and the whole team lets out a sigh of relief.  “And here we have- Honey, what are you doing?” your dad interrupts you and your colleagues while packing up.  “Going home. We've been here for over 24 hours,” you explain.  “Can we talk in my office?” he asks, and you follow diligently, leaving Rafe and the others alone in the conference room while you go talk to him. 

“It's not a good look to leave early, especially in front of a partner,” he admonishes your choices.  “I honestly don't care what Mr. Cameron thinks, dad. It's my team, my decision.”  “Is the issue at least fixed?”  “No, and it won't get better if I don't give them any rest. I haven’t slept or showered since in two days, dad,” you complain, and he shakes his head but caves nevertheless.  “Fine. But you'll have to come to dinner tonight. This Cameron guy is a big part of our modern strategy, we can't let him slip away.”  “Okay,” you nod and walk back out of the office and towards the conference room to tell your team it was okay to leave. 

“Rough day?” Rafe asks while following you back to your office.  “Rough week. Nothing you need to concern yourself with,” you huff but inadvertently stop and turn to look up at him. “Look, all I wanna do is go home take a nice bath, sleep for two hours and then meet both you and my parents for dinner because apparently I don't have any fucking choice. So, just go back to your hotel or do some sightseeing, I don't care, but just go.” “Can I ask something before I leave?” A smile tugging on his lip.  “You just did.”  “When was the last time you actually had sex?”  You turn to make sure there was no one around who could've heard him before pulling him with you into your office.  “You can't just ask shit like that. Especially here,” you hit him against the chest, but he takes your wrist and keeps your hand flat to his body.  “See, I tried hooking up with someone else, multiple someones, but that just didn't hit the same way. It's purely a practical issue, all right.” God, how you hate his macho behavior as if you'd ever fall for it, or him.  “I'm still not answering that preposterous question.”  “So, you didn't? Was there no one or were they just shit?” he asks, a little too cocky for your taste.  “I'm going home now,” you tell him again and start putting your laptop in your bag.  “I didn't book a hotel room. Didn't think I'd need one, to be honest,” he admits and you laugh.  “What makes you think that?”  But he doesn't reply and just looks at you with his blue eyes, eyes that haunt your dreams and sexual fantasies.  “You think ‘cause we hooked up once, you'll get some kinda claim over me? Like, I'm supposed to throw myself at you the moment you step onto the stage? Well, you guessed wrong, darling,” you sneer and go to walk out of the office when he grabs your wrist.  “You didn't answer my question.”  “Fuck, okay, fine. It's shit. It's not- I'm not gonna fucking praise you, asshole,” you scoff and start walking again. “Are you coming or not?” 

“I'm still gonna take my bath,” you remind him as his hands find your face to hold onto it while he's kissing you and stumbling backwards out of the elevator, right into your flat.  “Fuck, you can have as many baths as you want. Just lemme fuck you,” he begs after pulling away.  “Jesus, you're needy,” you laugh as he rips your tight dress down, making your tits spill out. “You know that thing has a zipper right?” you ask as he starts kneading and kissing your tits like there's no tomorrow. You're getting wetter by the second, and he doesn't seem to want to stop and actually help you out of the dress.  “Rafe, please, just a minute,” you beg and he holds up to look at you.  “Whaddya need, sugar?” His light southern drawl is making you even needier than you care to admit.  “Can you open the zipper, so I can take this shit thing off?”  “Sure, can do, sweetie,” he puts too much weight into the pet name for it to not be a dig at your dad.  “Don't call me that again, please. Anything but that,” you sigh as he helps you out. 

“You know your dad's an asshole, right?”  “Aren't they all?” you huff walking over to the window front that looks out onto Central Park and leaning your head against the glass. “I grew up with him. Of course, I know he's an ass. You think I turned out this sweet ‘cause he was nice?”  “What would he actually say if he knew?” Rafe steps closer to you, opening the knot in your hair and kissing your shoulder.  “Congratulate me or disown me. Either way, it just proves his suspicions right,” you shake your head.  “Why? He thinkin’ you slept your way to the top or what?”  “Oh no, that's all nepotism. No, he thinks I slept with my professors because he can't believe that I made valedictorian and was named party queen of Harvard at the same time.”  “Did you?”  “Once, before he was my Professor, and it didn't have any effect on my grade,” you admit but have to laugh at how absurd it sounds.  “You feeling better now?” he asks while rubbing your arms with his huge hands. “A bit. I'm still not your friend or anything,” you remind him and he laughs.  “Business partners and fuck buddies, I'm okay with that.”  “Good. Grab that chair,” you tell him and point at a lounge chair that stands a bit off to your right. 

As soon as the chair is in place you push him down on it, straddling him in it and kissing him relentlessly. His hands are all over you, unclasping your bra in the back and making your tits jiggle as they drop.  “Jesus fucking Christ, why are you so hot,” Rafe rasps, running his hands over the fat on your belly before pressing his face into your chest to motorboat you as best as he could.  His childlike wonder, when it comes to you, makes you somewhat happy about the fact that he had dropped by unexpectedly.  “Rafe?”  “Uh-huh,” he moans against your skin.  “I, uh… I don't have any condoms here,” you admit, and he rips his head up.  “You what? Why? Why would you say that to me right now? I'm already hard for fuck's sake,” he complains loudly.  “I'm sorry that I'm inconveniencing you there, you ass,” you snap and get up, picking up your bra and dress and leaving for the bathroom.  “Fuck, sugar, just come back,” he pleads, but you don't even think about it and instead strip yourself completely to take a shower. 

“Okay, listen, I can just go down find a store, buy some and get back here. Easy,” Rafe suggests, and you roll your eyes without looking at him.  “Have you considered that I might not give a shit, jerk?”  “Oh yeah? What's your brilliant idea, miss Harvard,” he scoffs.  “How often do you get tested?” you ask and turn your head far enough to be able to see him stand behind you, nothing but tight boxers left on his body.  “Every other month,” he shrugs.  “When was the last time?”  “Week ago.”  “And?”  “Clean. I'm not risking it, with, like, quick hookups and shit.”  “Me neither. But I've never wanted to fuck a guy more than once either,” you say and turn back to the water that's steaming up the tiled room.  “You want me to fuck you raw?” he asks, sounding as if you had just offered him the job of his life.  “Jesus, don't get yourself so hyped already. I'm just saying it's a potential possibility that needs considering.”  “What about-”  “I've had an IUD since I turned 18 and it's never once failed me. I think it's gonna be fine,” you turn around to face him fully; eyes trailing down to the massive bulge in his boxers.  “So, I'm guessing you've never been fucked while looking down onto Central Park?” you ask with a wide smile, and he shakes his head. 

Rafe is back in the chair when you let yourself down on him, feeling every ridge and vein of his huge cock and you both groan at the feeling.  His hand is trailing over your back, drawing lines over it while you let yourself breathe to adjust to him just enough so it doesn't hurt too much.  You turn your head to look at him over your shoulder. “If you wanna tap out, just pinch me. I'm not gonna listen to anything else, I just wanna make that clear.” “Noted,” he grins, and you lean forward in your seat and plant your feet in the ground before starting to bounce on his dick.  “Shit, I missed looking at this ass,” he grunts, and you start bouncing a bit harsher, forcing yourself down on him while moaning loudly. 

“Talk to me,” you beg as you keep fucking yourself with his cock.  “You're a real slut, fucking your professor? I bet it turns you on to know how weak you make them. To know they have no control. Making them your little bitch,” his words are frequently interrupted by heavy pants and your excessive moaning, but he continues anyway. “Not with me. You're mine now. I don't give a shit who you were before. All you are now is my little whore, who lets me fuck her whenever I want. Right?” “Yes, daddy,” you cry out and do your best to keep bouncing on him, your hand finding your clit and toying with it.  “You'll let me fill you up with my cum, like the pretty little cumslut that you are. Isn't that right?” he asks and thrusts up into you, meeting the movement of your hips and making you scream as he defiles your cunt.  “Speak up, sugar,” he demands, pulling on your hair and bending you back.  “Gonna make a mess for you, daddy. Just for you.” The tears are running down your cheeks when your orgasm hits you, and he follows instantly, fucking his seed even deeper into you before letting go of your hair and allowing you to get up. 

“Can you walk?” he asks, and you nod while dragging yourself over to your bed and falling face-first into the fresh linen.  “I thought I was imagining it, that my memory was skewed,” you mumble into the fabric. “But my memory doesn't come even close to this.”  “Could say the same,” he praises you, and you can't help but blush.  “Have you ever tried vanilla sex?” you ask out of pure curiosity, and he shakes his head while walking over.  “Not a big fan of the lovey-dovey bullshit.”  “Same. That's why I prefer reverse cowgirl, less personal, but I'm still in control for the most part,” you say after turning around to lie on your back.  “We, uhm, could just do it. Like a bucket list thing. Just so we know how it is,” he suggests and you laugh. “Yeah sure.”  “I'm serious. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? We fall in love? As if,” he huffs.  “I'll sue you if you do,” you tell him before pulling him into you and somehow crawling backwards onto the bed. He kisses you, and you feel like you're melting into him, into his touch, his being; all of him. 

His swollen tip is nudging at your clit, and you grasp down and put him to your aching hole, pushing him into you just slightly and your eyes already roll back at the feeling. Your senses feel heightened and dull at the same time, as if you are floating while on fire.  “Look at me,” Rafe demands, holding onto your neck and squeezing just enough to make you whimper. You stare into his eyes, the blue is gone, and he starts to smile as he slowly pushes into you. Your eyes widen at the pleasantly painful stretch he's giving your pussy.  And his lips find yours, muffling the moans that threaten to slip out as he pounds into you. But he lets off, kissing your neck, sucking on it and pulling your leg up to get a better angle. 

“I'm gonna cum,” you cry pathetically and he laughs.  “No, you're not. You're mine, baby, don't forget that.”  “Please, Rafe.” You are begging once again, and his attack on your tired cunt is just getting worse with every passing minute. You had never begged for an orgasm before. Never had wanted to. But Rafe's way of fucking you is inherently different to anything you had ever felt before.  “Not gonna happen,” he grins down at you, and you whine, but he keeps you pinned down right where he wants you to be. Your hands are clawing at his back, trying to hold onto him for dear life, to not lose yourself entirely. 

“Tell me,” he slows, and it's pure torture, slowly dragging his big cock half out of you before slamming back in, giving voice to the most obscene squelching sound you'd ever heard your pussy make.  “I'm still not your type, right?” he smirks, and you throw your head to the side just for him to yank it back. “Answer, or you're not gonna cum on this dick ever again.”  “No. Still no,” you pant, and he kisses you again, pulling your hand down and letting you touch yourself.  His lips are moving towards your ear, nibbling at your earlobe. “Make daddy proud and soak his big cock, sugar,” he growls and your back arches up. Legs trembling as the tight band in your core snaps. The orgasm rips through you without any mercy, and you scream his name, actually trying to make him proud and feel worthy of the pleasure his cock’s giving you.  “Good girl,” he praises, brushing over your cheek. You're completely dazed, only paying half as much attention to him as you wanted to while watching his face contort and hips stutter with sloppy thrusts before he's releasing his hot seed into you. 

“In love with me yet?” you joke while lying next to him, and he runs his hands over his short hair.  “Nope,” he shakes his head and purses his lips.  “Good. And if you praise me ever again, I'm gonna kick your ass. Understood?” you sneer while getting up and walking to the bathroom.  “You liked it,” he calls after you with a light laugh swinging in his voice. You know he’s right, but you don't wanna admit it. You don't want to admit to the vulnerability of it all, after having spent years to build yourself up to the person you are now. No longer wasting any more time on what people think of you or giving them any time of day to hurt you. This includes not letting them close to prevent it from ever getting to such a point ever again.  “Just don't fucking say it again,” you tell him as you hear him enter the shower behind you.  “Understood.” 

You shower in silence, each of you on one end of the long shower but the glooming feeling that something has changed won't leave you. Not as you leave the shower to dry off, or as you lay down and try to relax for just a bit before you have to get ready. Not while doing your hair and makeup. Not while putting on your dress or when you call your driver.  And he's not saying a single thing. Rafe stays quiet throughout all of it, which makes you a little pissed at him, but you can't let it show. 

You arrive ahead of time, your parents not yet there when the hostess shows you to your table, and you order an extra dry martini.  The stark difference in your behavior towards each other outside and inside the bedroom is starting to annoy you. You miss how easy-going he had been that first day you met him. How charming and funny and most of all flirtatious he had acted.  “Tomorrow morning, you're gonna fly home and then I only wanna see you when there's something with the business,” you tell him, trying to get the upper hand in a situation that you had never intended to be in.  “Understood,” he mutters as you both stand up to greet your parents, who are walking over. 

The dinner is dry, and you can't wait to finally get home and just sleep. Your mom keeps making indecent jokes and comments towards Rafe, but he just laughs or smirks. And when he's not eating, he has one hand on his whiskey and the other on your thigh, slowly creeping up and making it harder for you to concentrate on what your father is telling you about.  “It's a difficult task, but we'll manage,” you say to your dad before jumping up. “Excuse me for a moment.”  You make a beeline to the restroom, trying to cool off and maybe get your act together. But Rafe won't let you. As soon as you step out of the restroom he yanks you with him to a dark corner of the hallway. 

“What are you doing?” you hiss at him, and he pushes you against the wall, caging you in.  “Why are you letting him walk all over you?” Rafe questions, his hand is trailing under the skirt of your dress; fingertips caressing the soft flesh of your thighs.  “He's my boss,” you reply.  “What else?” he taunts, his fingers are pressed against your clit now, making you gulp and bite your lip to not let out a whimper.  “My dad,” you whisper, searching his eyes for approval, but instead he slaps your wet pussy and you squirm.  “You're pathetic, you know that?” he laughs quietly, and you nod, just to please him.  “Rafe, please, just-” you claw at his wrist, but he grabs your cunt even harsher.  “You don't get to pick and choose whenever you like, sugar. You don't want me to be nice, so I'm not. But then all of a sudden, you don't want me to be mean either. Now which is it? One final answer,” he demands, and you let go of him, your hand falling to your side as you admit defeat.  “Good choice,” he growls, pulls your slip to the side and pushes two fingers into your seeping cunt while his free hand is on your mouth, muffling your quiet moans. 

His long fingers are curled up inside you, fucking you with no mercy or thought that someone might walk by and see. But you don't care because he's making you feel whole, whispering a plethora of disgustingly dirty shit into your ear, and always changing his technique when he feels you get closer to your release.  “Tell me who you belong to, sugar,” he rasps and you whimper silently. “I'm yours, daddy. All yours.”  “Good,” he seems pleased with himself, and you feel a sigh of relief coming as you're growing closer and closer to your orgasm. But right before you can let go, he pulls away. 

“Rafe, no- What are you doing?” You claw at his chest as he steps back and licks his fingers clean of your arousal.  “You don't get to use me and throw me away like a piece of trash. Remember who's got the upper hand here, y/n.” Then he lightly slaps your cheek two times before walking back to the table, leaving you to deal with the consequences of your actions. 

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please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @ijustwantttoread @spideysimpossiblegirl @redhead1180 @drwstarkeyy @notdxbya @sublimepenguinpeach-blog

part 3

#rafe cameron #obx #rafe cameron x reader #rafe obx #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron fanfic #obx fanfiction #~fanfiction #smut #my writing

[littleredwing89]

PRINCE OF GOTHAM - PART 5

PRINCE OF GOTHAM - PART 5

CEO!Jason Todd x Reader

Warnings – Language. NSFW Smut. Degrading language. Slight semi-public smut. Slight bondage.

A/N: Hope you all enjoy the next chapter! :) apologies for no tag list, still trying to get it working and get back into the swing of things xoxo

——

Jason was strangely silent as you both walked into the building together. You noticed he kept fiddling with his tie, tugging on it every so often. A tick you’d come to realise as nervousness. You didn’t say anything, simply following him into the executive elevator.

As the mirrored doors of the elevator closed in front of you both, Jason let out a deep sigh before turning to you, “I need you to look over some files for me when we get to my office, it’s a new deal I’m about to broker - linking us up with an exclusive company in the city”.

“Oh? With who?”, you raised an eyebrow in suspicion, “Was this the secret meeting you had last week?”.

Jason nodded briefly, hands tugging on his scarlet tie again, “Sionis Distilleries Ltd”.

You let out a sharp, piercing laugh, “You’re joking right?”.

He looked confused for a moment, “Why would it be a joke?”, he frowned deeply, his voice taking a more clinical tone, “Roman has been wanting to do business with me for years and we finally sat down to discuss it. He had some fantastic ideas”.

“And you fell for his lies covered by sweet talk?”.

“It's an excellent deal, why would I turn it down?”, he shifted on the spot, resting back against the banister of the elevator.

“You think it's an excellent deal? Are you mad? Do you want me to enumerate how this will bite us in the ass in the long run”, you felt your temper boiling in your stomach. How could Jason be this naive? How had his company lasted this long with him in charge? Your brow knitted in irritation the longer you thought about it.

“I-”.

You cut over him, not wanting to hear his ridiculous argument, “Sionis Distilleries Ltd has been investigated by the GCPD three times in the last 18 months Jason. Not to mention their newly appointed, chief of operations was arrested 3 months ago for drug trafficking. He’s probably going to get at least 10 years behind bars for that”, you took a deep breath before laughing dryly at him, “You’re forgetting all the black market coverage he has on alcohol trading too”.

“I—”, he tried again but you weren’t finished. Your anger spiralling further.

“Sionis is linked with the Gotham mafia for fucks sake!”, you exclaimed, cheeks tinting pink with frustration, “I even heard a rumour he’s the boss but no one can prove it…probably because he has dirty cops in his back pocket!”.

“But-”, Jason tried again.

“You honestly can’t think this is good for business Jason? I thought you weren’t stupid? Isn’t that what you told me?”.

Jason grunted, his cheeks becoming a deeper shade of red every time you spoke more, “I-”.

You waved your hand at him dismissively, “I thought better of you honestly, this is just madness”.

Jason felt the walls of the elevator closing. He heat radiating off you was stifling but erotic. He swallowed thickly, “Y/N … if you could just let me-”.

“No!”, you snapped and jabbed him in the chest hard, “You gave me a promotion and that means you gave me a voice and a voice I will use to tell you that you’re being a fucking moron! I bet Dick wouldn’t do this!”.

Yeah. That was a low blow but he needed it. God, he needed to see some sense.

You jumped, gasping softly as Jason slammed both his palms on either side of your head. His eyes were blown jet black and when your eyes dipped, you saw the front of his trousers were painfully tight. You bit down on your plush bottom lip, eyes becoming hooded at the growing tension rippling between you both.

“Oh? You’ve gone very quiet princess, you were pretty mouthy a moment ago”, the deep timber of his voice rattled your spine.

You glared up at his towering form, your anger flaring, “Oh I have more to say Todd!”, pressing both of your palms onto his chest you shoved hard.

Jason stood solid, as though you’d barely touched him. He smirked and pushed you up against the elevator wall, the bar pressing cold into your lower back.

“Go on, princess, I’m listening”, he moved one of his hands to your cheek, stroking over it slowly. Calculating his next move. Your breaths deepened as you tried to pull your mind back from his distracting touch. The strong scent of his cologne mixed with his own musk enveloped you as he ground his hips into yours, letting you feel just how excited you’d made him.

“Please tell me more about how my brother would do so much better”.

You knew if you opened your mouth, nothing coherent would come out. The temperature of the lift had shifted and you were on fire. His obvious jealousy a catalyst for the flames. Jason’s head ducked down to your ear and nipped your earlobe, “Turn around”.

Defying him, you stayed put, ignoring the shivers erupting over your skin. Jason smirked and littered more kisses down your neck and over your shoulder, “I won’t ask again princess, turn around…now”.

The sound of your heels clicking against the metal flooring was deafening as you complied with his order, turning your back to him. His heat and wide chest engulfed you and you purposely pressed your ass into his clothed cock, purring under your breath. Jason grunted and ground back against you. Preparing yourself, you pressed your hands on the mirror in front of you and he clicked his tongue.

“Hands on the bar”, he demanded roughly in your ear.

“Yes Sir”.

Slipping them slowly down the wall, you wrapped your delicate fingers around the banister of the elevator, the platinum bracelet on your wrist rattled against it. Jason had given it to you last week after your promotion, along with an evening in his bedroom.

He growled deeply and you could hear the sound of fabric whipping. His hands gripped yours suddenly and started weaving his red tie around your wrists. The material dug into your flesh as you struggled a little but you stopped when Jason bit down onto your exposed shoulder. You tipped your head back and groaned his name.

Once he was finished binding you, his fingers roughly shoved the hem of your skirt up over your ass, exposing the fact you were completely bare. He palmed your cheek roughly before slapping it harshly. The sound echoed in the tiny compartment.

“Nothing but a filthy little slut, aren’t you?”, he snarled, slapping your ass again, the sting sending a buzz of electricity over your skin. You whined and pushed back, aching for more of his punishment. He leaned back slightly to admire the red imprint blooming before kicking your legs wider apart. The elevator started to move and Jason jabbed something angrily on the pad, causing the lift to shudder to a stop, the lights dimming slightly.

“What are you - oh!”, you gasped loudly when his palm smacked over your pussy, the desire slick between your folds.

“Who are you to question me?”, he growled and his fingers roughly slipped through your dripping core. He groaned at how wet you were already. The elevator was filled with your needy moans and the wet sounds of your pussy.

“Look at yourself”, he mocked, his free hand forcing your face to look into the mirror at the side of you both, “Look how desperate you are for me already, practically gushing over my palm”. He thrust two fingers deep into your core, enjoying the way you shivered.

“Sir…please”, you pulled on your bindings, frustrated. Jason wasn’t giving you the pace you wanted. He was ignoring all of the sensitive areas you needed him to pleasure.

“Please what?”.

He smirked and slowed down the movement of his fingers before removing them completely, smearing your wetness over your sore ass cheek. Your eyes met his in the mirror as he unbuckled his belt quickly, freeing his cock from his pants. Immediately your gaze dropped to his shaft, licking your lips without thought. It throbbed, precum leaking down the head. He needed you just as much.

The moan that left your lips was loud and your ass pushed back quickly. You wanted him inside you now. You didn’t care how desperate you looked. Cheeks flush, skin slightly damp with sweat.

“Fuck me”, you begged, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth.

He stroked his hand along his length before coaxing the thick head between your folds. You sighed in delight. Jason ran the tip repeatedly through your lips, smearing your slick all over his cock.

“So fucking wet”, he grunted and without warning slid into you fully, bottoming out. He panted into your ear and you sobbed his name, pussy clenching around him.

“Such a tight little cunt”, he bit out and thrust into you sharply, pushing your face into the cold mirror in front of you. The cool feeling was welcome on your burning cheeks.

“You strut around my building like you own the place”, he growled, thrusting deeper, angling his hips to hit your g spot perfectly, “Everyone’s terrified of you, but look at you now”, his teeth grazed over your pulse point, “Nothing but a filthy little cock whore”.

He moved back slightly and grabbed your hips hard, enough to bruise and began to fuck into you with a brutal pace. The sound of his skin slapping against yours was sinful, bouncing off the tiny elevator walls.

You wanted to close your eyes and drown in the feeling of his thick cock driving you into delirium but watching the way his face contorted in the mirror as he fucked you was too tempting to miss. The way his cock was swallowed by your pussy greedily, like a movie in the reflection.

Jason cursed, voice strained and raspy. Your name left his lips as he drove faster. You cried his name, arching your back, meeting each of his thrusts. His cock stretched you perfectly, creating a delicious burn.

“You going to cum all over my cock, princess?”, his hand snaked around your front, flicking over your clit vigorously.

You lost the ability to form words, your mind too busy drowning in the euphoria bolting through your nerves. He thrust harder, his fingers winding into the back of your hair, creating a ponytail before yanking it backwards. The stings of pain shot down to your core, making you mewl louder.

“Cum now, fucking cum now”, he barked, grunting as his pace became sloppy. His cock was pulsing inside you and you knew he was close too.

Stars. You saw stars as your eyes shut when your orgasm hit. You came hard, sobbing his name. He followed, groaning huskily against the back of your neck, his heavy breaths fanning down your neck and spine as he shot his load deep into your pussy.

He pressed into you, his chest resting against your back. You could feel his heart hammering wildly, matching the rhythm of your own. Your hot breath blew out against the mirror, causing it to fog up. Jason’s lips pressed into the nape of your neck, travelling across your shoulder slowly.

“That’s one to tick off my list”, he murmured.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes playfully, “You expect me to believe you’ve never fucked anyone in your own personal elevator?”.

He laughed and nipped the junction of your neck, the gasp you released made him flush, “Never had the opportunity princess”.

Stepping back, he looked down over your ass, smirking seeing some of his cum dripping on your inner thighs. He winked at you in the mirror before sliding your skirt back down over your lush ass.

He tucked himself away before zipping his trousers and buckling his belt back up. You looked at him expectantly in the mirror, wiggling your ass at him, “A little help Todd?”. You tugged at your hands helplessly, waiting for him.

“Sorry, I was just enjoying seeing you all tied up”.

Carefully, Jason loosened the tie from around your wrists, letting it slip free. You wiggled them slowly, allowing the circulation back into them, and to soothe the slight sting there. He grabbed your hands and brought them to his lips, kissing over the angry red marks gently. His tongue made you shiver as he worked over each one. The actions took you by surprise but you happily accepted it, closing your eyes peacefully.

“You’re right”, he murmured against your pulse, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand.

You frowned and your eyes flew open instantly, “Excuse me?”.

Jason chuckled at your reaction, pulling you a little closer to his chest, “You’re right about the deal with Sionis”.

“And an orgasm made you realise this?”, you couldn’t quite believe Jason had accepted that he was wrong.

He laughed and moved your arms to coil around his neck, his own hands settled on your waist, keeping you pressed up against him, “No”, he gave you a little smirk, “More the fact I’ve been dreading telling you about it all week, knowing you’d kick my ass about it”.

“Of course I would, it’s a fucking ridiculous idea”, your nails found the hair at the back of his neck and began to scratch along it in a practised gesture. Instinctively he closed his eyes and leaned into you.

“I didn’t mean what I said about Dick…I’m sor-”.

“Ah don’t worry about it, it’s fine princess”, he ran his nose along yours and gave a genuine smile, “You can help me come up with a creative way of saying no when we get to my office”.

His voice was gravelly as he spoke, his lips brushing over your forehead. Eyes still closed.

“I guess ‘Fuck No’ isn’t allowed?”.

He laughed loudly and his eyes opened to meet yours, glistening in the neon lights of the elevator, “We may have to be slightly more professional than that princess”.

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#ceo!jason Todd x reader #ceo!jason todd x reader insert #ceo!jason todd x you #jason todd fanfiction #jason todd smut #jason todd x you #jason todd x reader #jason todd x reader insert #jason todd imagine #red hood fanfiction #red hood smut #red hood x you #red hood x reader #red hood x reader insert #red hood imagine #jason todd x reader au series

[w1ldthoughts]

The Forgotten One Chapter Seven: Recurring Nightmare

Series Masterlist

A/n: Just when you thought things couldn’t possibly be any messier…

Warning: Mentions of drinking and psychotherapy methods.

There was something different this morning when Jack woke up alone. He’d been doing it for a few months so one would assume that this was just another day. But it was the first day that he finally came to terms with it…you were gone. And you weren’t coming back.

You’re not LISTENING to me.

I don’t have to! This isn’t about you right now and I know you’re shocked, but not everything is about you.

You tossed and turned in your sleep, flashes of an argument replaying in your mind. But it wasn’t from a few nights ago.

Baby, we will figure it out. We just need to—

Oh my god Jack, there is no just. You don’t understand what it’s like and you never will. There is no simple fix and you’re not just going to swoop in and make it all better. Not this time.

The fight you had the night that Jack cheated. It was coming back. You willed yourself to go back to sleep so you could see more. But you came upon another memory instead.

You and Jack were in the car, New Edition was playing in the background and he kissed your hand. Right before—

“The crash,” you sat up in bed and wiped your now very damp eyes. It wasn’t your first time seeing the crash but it was the first time seeing the events right before it happened. You quickly got on your laptop and did a deepdive on alternative methods for memory recovery.

“This is a terrible fucking idea.” Cleo shakes her head at you, telling you ‘no’ for the third time in the last twenty minutes. “You might as well take psychedelics and run around the Kentucky Derby Museum.” She says with a laugh.

Your best friend always wanted to protect you and look out for you but now was not the time. “I need this C. I need to know what’s going on if I ever want to get a restful night of sleep again.”

“And so you can officially close the door on Jack so that you can move freely onto Ben.” Cleo finished for you, rolling her eyes.

“It’s not even about him, it’s about me! I need some answers and I’ve done a lot of research the last two weeks and she’s got the best reviews and I really would like for you to take me. Pretty please?” You batted your eyelashes at her, hoping to solidify your argument.

If you had to clasp your hands together and get on your knees for this woman to drive you then you were ready to do it. “Fine!” She exclaims before you could do any of those humiliating things. “I will take you to the fucking hypnotist. God I feel like our lives is an episode of some early 2000s airing on Chiller.”

“Thank you. I love you, I love you, I love you.” You hugged her tight and she reluctantly told you she loved you back while grabbing her keys. Even though your arms were still wrapped around her.

The two of you walked arm in arm into Mallory Moore’s office for your appointment and you filled out paperwork after you checked in. A few minutes later, Cleo squeezed your hand and wished you luck as you were led into a quiet room in the back of the office. It was very simple and serene, a plain white chair in the center of the room surrounded by plants that you knew were real. And a real pain to upkeep.

Mallory was sitting in a chair next to the white one and greeted you with a warm smile. “Have a seat, y/n. I took a look at your questionnaire that we gave you and all the paperwork you sent over including your brain scans and I do think this will be a beneficial experience for you. I do have to say that it’s not a quick fix and that hypnosis is more like an extended daydream.”

“I’m not putting you under my spell or under my control or anything like you see in the movies. My only job is to create a comfortable environment in which you can relax enough to dig deep into your psyche while asking you to maintain deep but comfortable breaths the entire time. But before we begin, I need to ask you something.”

You nodded, urging her to go ahead. “In the two months that have passed since the accident, why are you coming to me now? What has inspired you to look toward psychotherapy for solutions?”

“Um—well,” you gave her a nervous chuckle. “I’m involved with someone that has nothing to do with this mess of a life that I’ve created for myself. And I want to be whole, for myself and the best version of me there is…so that I can give him—and us, a fair chance. Right now I’m full of questions and the longer that time passes the more glimpses and pieces I get but I know I can dig deeper and find more. Just need help doing that I guess.”

The woman in front of you clears her throat, “can I be honest with you?”

“Yes, please.”

“You woke up living a life that you didn’t recognize. So, being the people pleaser you are, you tried to force yourself into playing a role that you thought everyone wanted you to play. And when that didn’t work you attached yourself to the closest thing that made you feel a sense of normalcy. The reason why your memories are blocked is because you have let your damaged brain do all the decision making for you. Your head has taken up so much real-estate that your heart has no room to help guide you back to yourself. For the next hour, I need you to let go of all the thinking and just let yourself feel. Do you think you can do that?”

Tears began making their way into your eyes and you quickly patted them away. “I don’t really have another choice anymore. Let’s do this.”

Mallory had you lay down and metaphorically walked you down the hypnotic staircase…leading you to your laptop, where the name William Reed came up. And then you were out with Jack, having dinner and laughing. A genuine laugh like the ones that leave you with a stomach ache and tears in your eyes. Letting your heart lead meant letting Jack in, his goofy smile and his perfect teeth and those baby blues that made you weak in the knees. He was wearing his glasses too, which gave you even more flutters in your chest and you wanted to stay in this serene moment with him forever, just laughing your lives away without a care in the world. An overwhelming sense of joy overcame you and before you knew it, you were walking back up the staircase, letting go of Jack’s hand as he whispered that he’d see you later.

You left the office with a little bit of clarity, and a shit ton of questions. Good thing Cleo was there waiting for you and had the day off to help you unpack everything.

“How was it? What did you see?” She presses you as soon as the two of you were in the car.

“I saw…me and Jack. And there was so much love there, it basically tucked me into bed and read me a fucking bedtime story. But that wasn’t the weird part. Does the name William Reed ring any bells?”

Cleo turns to you with a lost look on her face. “William who now?”

“William Reed,” you tell her as she walks behind you into your apartment. “I saw the name and it stood out for some reason and I need to find out why.”

“Before we go all Nancy Drew on this I need to get something off my chest because best friends do not lie to each other.” Cleo states, grabbing a seat next to you on the couch. You urge her to continue. “Something about Ben just doesn’t sit right with me. I’ve been letting you do your thing because I love you and I want the best for you after everything you’ve been through the last few months but he’s just so—”

“Prince Charming?” You interrupt, finishing the sentence for her. Mallory had all but told you the same thing and truthfully, you agreed with both of them. You just didn’t want to let go of the most normal thing that had happened to you since the accident. But you agreed to let you heart lead and your heart was doing a lot of talking for you now. “I don’t know, I was so excited about him before. I mean I literally went and told Jack I was choosing Ben over him but the last few days it’s just felt…weird. It’s like he saw a vulnerable damsel in distress and now he’s doing whatever he can to swoop in? Well maybe that’s more like Jafar from Aladdin but…you know what I mean. And unfortunately I’m starting to see it too.”

You keep the computer in your lap but close it for a moment to be real with her. “He says all the right things. He does all the right things. But deep down I can’t help but wonder if it’s all…fabricated? It’s like he’s trying to prove to me that he’s everything Jack isn’t. Like it’s a competition to win. The other night he drove around for an hour just so I could sleep, he could’ve parked that shit and woken me up for all I care but he wanted to be the good guy and ‘admire my beauty’ or whatever. I don’t know, maybe that hypnosis session opened my third eye or something but this whole thing is just turning me off.”

“That just means we need to figure out who the fuck this William guy is and how he fits into all this.” Cleo says softly. You looked in every folder in your laptop and even went through your iCloud where you found an email account for a William Reed.

“There’s a phone number attached, call it.” Cleo says immediately, practically climbing into your lap so she can have access to the laptop.

After three rings, a man answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Hi. Is this William? My name is y/n and I got your phone number from—”

“Y/n, it’s so good to hear from you again. I was so sorry to hear about your accident on the news. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you but I assumed you hadn’t saved my number.” That explained all the missed calls after you had blocked Quinn like Jack asked.

“Oh great. Um—I’m doing much better now but I did lose a lot of memories due a brain injury. So I just need to know what we were in contact for and why it was so secretive?”

“Well, you hired me a few months ago. I’m a private investigator.” Why in the hell had you hired a PI?

“Who did I have you follow?” You looked to Cleo for answers but she seemed just as intrigued by this as you were.

“You said that a woman had been hanging around Mr. Harlow’s office without an appointment. Said she never actually came in but she would sit either outside the building or on the floor below him and never talk to anyone. It was suspicious behavior so you had me tail her.”

“What—what’s the woman’s name?” Your voice shook in anticipation.

“Quinn Freeman, ma’am. If you’d like I can send you the entire file I compiled throughout the investigation and you’ll have everything you need.”

“Yes! Please. I would really appreciate that.”

“I’m sending it to your email now. Hope this helps you get some clarity, enjoy the rest of your day y/n.”

“Thank you so much Mr. Reed. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Quinn. Freeman.

“Holy fuck. We need to open those files. Now.” Cleo rushes out and you click on the first email, bracing yourself for anything you might see.

It started out pretty harmless, a few pictures of Quinn outside of Churchill Downs and talking to people in the building, probably asking for Jack but getting denied. Then she started hanging out at the gym he would frequent, random places that he liked to visit with his friends and even sometimes would follow the two of you at the same restaurants on dates. And then things got weirder. She was parked outside of one of Jack’s favorite bars and went in to meet him, there were pictures of them sitting next to each other as he ordered drinks and got increasingly intoxicated. Then there were pictures of her walking out to her car with him, and pictures of them checking into a hotel.

“This must’ve been the night we argued and he left.”

Cleo felt shivers down her spine at the memory of holding you in her eyes while you cried your eyes out that night. “Click out of that screen and read the message William left.”

I followed Miss Freeman to LeVee Bourbon Lounge where she knew Mr. Harlow would be. He ordered several drinks and she kept coming onto him with no success. They stumbled out of the bar and she offered to take him to the hotel he was staying at that night and he reluctantly agreed. While she used his card to pay for the room, I headed upstairs and placed a camera in the presidential suite. Miss Freeman brought Mr. Harlow upstairs and as soon as he was asleep, she slipped her clothes off and made it seem like they had spent the night together when in fact they had done nothing of the sort. Attached below is footage from that night.

Tears brimmed your eyes as you and Cleo watched everything unfold.

“That bitch set him up.” Cleo whispered. “Jack never actually cheated, he just thinks he did.”

“Then that means, there’s no way he could be the father of her baby. And if he’s not the father then…wait there’s another email. Lemme open it.”

More pictures. Quinn leaving the hotel and being picked up by a man the morning after signing Jack’s NDA. Then other pictures of her kissing said man and driving away.

“Oh my god Cleo look,” you cried. “That’s fucking Ben.”

Taglist

@jackharloww

@killatravtramp

@middlechild404

@harlowcomehome

@itsyagirljaz

@iknowdatsrightbih

@earthtoharlow

@alimaythings

@rosie-posie08

@heavyhitterheaux

@hoodharlow

#jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow au #jack harlow angst #jackman thomas harlow

[danifesting]

A birthday present for my dear, beloved friend @nobrakesdown. Cove, I hope you have the wonderful birthday you deserve. Thanks for being my friend, writing buddy, sounding board and everything in between.

*****

Daniel's heat is late. First one week, then two, then three. At four weeks he starts to worry. He's usually like clockwork, has been since his first heat at 15, but now, not even a skin prickle at the back of his neck. He makes an appointment with his gynecologist and goes into the office more anxious than he'd like to admit.

The nurse gets him in the room and takes his temperature, a little high but not a fever. His blood pressure is high too.

"Ha, sorry," he says to the nurse, a pretty beta with long blonde hair. "Just a little anxious."

"That's okay. It's not uncommon and it's not in a danger zone or anything," she assures him. "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"

Daniel hums. He's been on birth control a long time. "I doubt it."

"Well, either way, we have to have you take a pregnancy test." She hands him a cup. "Just pee in here and leave it on the counter next to the door. When you're done, undress from the waist down and press the button on the wall to let us know you're ready, okay?"

Daniel gives her a thumbs up and does as he's instructed. The wait for the doctor is agonizingly slow. He scrolls through Instagram on his phone but it doesn't do anything to speed up the passage of time. Eventually the doctor knocks.

"Come in," Daniel calls out and Dr. Bernard comes in.

"Well, Daniel," she says, sitting down on the stool next to the table. "I'm just going to start with this. Your pregnancy test came back positive."

"But…" Daniel says, starting to sweat.

"I know you're on birth control but have you missed any doses?" She asks kindly.

"No, never. I take it at the same time every day. I have a special alarm and everything."

"Have you been sick? Taken any antibiotics?"

"I had a sinus infection about a month ago and the doctor gave me something for it."

"Did he warn you that antibiotics can make birth control less effective and that you should use backup contraception until after your next heat?"

"Uh... He did not. Was he supposed to?" Daniel asks with raised eyebrows.

Dr. Bernard sighs. "They never tell people what they should. Well, I'm sorry if it's bad news, and we'll take a blood test to confirm just to be sure, but you're pregnant."

Daniel puts his face in his hands. Fuck, what is he going to do? What is he going to tell Max? They've really only just gotten together. Only a few very happy months and now Daniel's gone and ruined it.

Dr. Bernard pats Daniel on the knee. "I'll give you a moment and then we'll do your pelvic exam."

She steps out of the room and Daniel texts Max.

Daniel: are you busy today?

Max: just finished at the sim

Daniel: can you meet me at mine in like an hour?

Max: i'll be there

Daniel sighs and sets his phone down. They do the pelvic exam, take Daniel's blood, tell him they'll call him with the results tomorrow and to talk about next steps from there.

Max is already in his apartment when Daniel gets home, sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. He looks up when Daniel comes in and smiles, wide and happy but his face falls when he sees Daniel, turning to concern. Daniel kicks off his shoes and crosses the room.

"Hi Maxy," he says and collapses down onto the couch next to him. "I have some news."

"Good or bad?" Max asks, eyebrows drawing in.

"Um, I haven't really decided yet. Still kind of in shock about it." Daniel rubs a hand over his face. "I'm pregnant." He keeps his face hidden in his hands.

"Daniel," Max says, voice hushed. He pulls Daniel's hands away from his face.

Daniel gives him a wry smile. "Surprise? I'm so sorry. I know we didn't plan for it, but I think I'm keeping the baby," he says, which is a surprise to himself as he says but it's true. He is. Fuck, he's gonna be a dad.

"Daniel," Max says again and his face is broken open into a wide grin, eyes scrunched tight and happy. "This was, of course, not something we have talked about before but if you want this, I want this, yeah?"

"Really?" Daniel asks, feeling his eyes well with tears. Stupid pregnancy hormones.

"Of course, Daniel. Yes. I have always wanted children and…"

"But we've only been dating a few months."

Max laughs. "And I have been in love with you since I was 18. Let's have a baby Daniel."

"You and me, huh?" Daniel asks, matching Max's laughter.

"You and me," Max assures. "I'll be with you the whole way."

And now, now Daniel feels hopeful instead of the terror he felt sitting in that doctor's office listening to his test results. He won't be in this alone. He has Max by his side and maybe they can do this. Maybe it will be okay.

The blood test results come back positive the next morning. Max holds Daniel's hand as they listen to Dr. Bernard lay out their next steps, the ultrasound appointment he'll have next week, the email she'll send with pregnancy nutrition and prenatal vitamins, all of it, and instead of overwhelmed like he thought he'd be, Daniel feels happy, like this is the right choice, like he and Max are starting a life together along with the life inside him.

Max kisses him when the phone call is over. He puts his hand on Daniel's belly and kisses him again, and Daniel knows things are going to be alright, better than even. Things are going to be great.

#maxiel #my fic #mpreg #omegaverse #omega daniel

[voidpacifist]

strap in, assholes, I've thought of another Deaf Steve AU for your consideration

(ps the steddie on this one is very brief, I haven't thought that part out too thoroughly just yet)

this takes place in like, early to mid 2000s

so in this universe, there's no catastrophe, no major physical traumas, no sickness, etc. steve is simply born without his hearing

his parents are not only rich, but are also super super concerned with appearances and because they're negligent assholes about it, they get steve fitted for hearing aids as soon as he's old enough to realistically begin talking

the hearing aids really don't do much for him, but the harringtons don't wanna worry about more surgeries or medical stays or being held back from their business trips/work holidays. you catch my drift. they forego the cochlear avenue but still hold out hope that steve will be "normal enough" with the "help" of a pair of hearing aids

and because the hearing aids only give him back so much, his oral language skills develop differently and at a much slower pace. it's not that he doesn't have the intellectual capacity — he absolutely does, the setting he's in just doesn't accommodate his needs

I imagine by the age of three or four, a nanny starts staying with him during the long weeks that his parents are gone. I also imagine that one of these nannies knows Sign and sees steve drifting without any communication that's suited to him, so they take it upon themselves to teach him

this goes on for years until one day, there's a phone call or an in person message or something that indicates that mr and mrs harrington have been in a traveling accident. this leaves steve parentless

he's immediately put into foster care, and from there, things go downhill. he gets into fights at school, becomes distant at each new place he stays at, and continues to isolate himself. he develops a very stubbornly independent approach to things, teaching himself to sign, speaking up for himself even if he can't hear how alien he sounds to the other students or adults at school

he keeps going from home to home until he lands at the home of tim and marissa buckley. marissa teaches a special ed class at a local middle school, and tim is a general contractor. they have three kids — a girl named robin, who's a year younger than steve, and twins dexter and benjamin

and steve is shocked by the patience of the parents, and also shocked by the fact that mrs buckley seems keen on connecting with him. the rest of the family is also learning Sign, but steve latches onto marissa the quickest because she reminds him of his nanny

tim ends up being the one who takes steve to most of his audiology appointments, or just other places he needs to be, and though tim doesn't know as much Sign as his wife, he still tries to cue steve in on conversations. just small talk about school or what steve likes to do or just "boyish" banter

dex and ben don't interact with steve much outside of bugging him to play like,,fucking kickball in the backyard, but they still form a tentative bond

robin is the hardest nut of the bunch to crack, and steves not too determined about actually becoming friends with her. in fact, most of the time, he's just waiting for the other shoe to drop with these people so he can be spat out again to the next family until he's kicked out of the system for good

even when he's getting his act together, he's still just waiting for it to happen. soon like four months have gone by and there's still no sign of the buckleys kicking him out or announcing that another family would be "better equipped" for him

here's a fun fact though: middle school kids are really fucking mean. and robins one of the only openly gay people in her grade. steves heard rumors that she's been bullied, but then he sees it happening in real time and he just. is seeing absolute red about it

he seeks out the fucker who graffiti'd her locker and lo and behold, gets into another fight at school

he's so Sure that this is the breaking point, but after his suspension is declared, marissa and tim sit him down not to scold him, but to wrap his knuckles and tell him how proud they are that he stood up for robin

and speaking of robin, steve's cool status with her just tripled easily. they start to become so close that at school, gossip starts that they're an item. one day someone flat out asks and robin, while signing, just says, "oh no! he's actually my big brother."

(if steve cries about that later by himself, that's his business)

there's still one dilemma steve has yet to get over though, and that's passing eighth grade. the constant moving and fighting has finally caught up to him, and he's forced to sign up for peer tutoring

this whipsmart, firecracker of a seventh grader, nancy wheeler, not only agrees to learn Sign, but also to help steve pass his classes

he's so fucking in love with nancy its not even funny. but the more they hang out, the less he wants to be with her and the more he wants to just be friends with her. plus, he doesn't miss the way robin ogles nancy when she thinks neither of them will notice

may/june rolls around and steve ends up with solid Bs in most, if not all, of his classes. he's on track to staying on track and the buckleys are ecstatic about it. marissa and tim find a cake at the grocery and have it say, "congratulations steve!" on it in big, loopy writing. they sign it to him as soon as he gets home from his last day of school for the year

after the weekend comes and goes and the celebration dies down, the two sit steve down and his initial thoughts are, "oh shit, my stay here is over." which majorly sucks, because the buckleys are the first family he's stayed with in a while that he's actually enjoyed staying with and getting to know

he's bonded with robin. he's bonded with ben and dex. he thinks maybe the same about marissa and tim. and he really really really doesn't wanna lose that. because not only has he come to think of them in a sort of pseudo-family sense, but they also have done and continue to do so much to accommodate steve and try to help him thrive and have resources as a young, deaf kid

so you can imagine how elated he is and how surreal it feels when they ask him flat out how he'd feel about being steve buckley. about officially being their son

years go by, until steve is in his senior year. he and robin have frequented several jobs together already, and this is the first year they've let go of their overprotective sibling instincts with one another and have gone to separate venues of work

steve ends up working part time at the library, while robin ends up at the video store

and one of steve's classmates from school (who he's 99% sure is redoing senior year) comes in pretty often. they don't talk at first, but every night, steve comes home and vents to robin about this really pretty classmate of his who plays in a thrash metal band and has far too many overdue fees

(and, if we're considering the library au, maybe steve pays off those fees and eddie ends up asking him out)

((like, he takes the time to learn as much basic Sign as he can within like a week of time, and the pulls steve aside after the library closes for the evening and just flat out asks))

robin is cautiously optimistic about this new guy that steve has a thing for, but she also knows eddie from drama club, so she not only has a good radar for the kind of person he is, but also knows exactly where to find him if he fucks things up with her big brother

cause listen — steves not immune to having experienced not-so-good encounters with a hearing partner. she's seen the way he or his deafness have been treated like a burden or a commodity, and she's very much hoping that's not the case with eddie

spoiler alert: eddie's very visibly autistic, so he knows what it's like to have been treated in a similar fashion. he has no plans to be that kind of an asshat to steve (and he very much is not)

but yeah long story short, give me deaf steve with a healthy sense of family and a willingness to be cared for thank you and goodbye

#steve #steve harrington headcanons #steve harrington au #deaf steve harrington #stranger things au #platonic stobin #steve buckley but because he and robin are siblings #i will die on that sad little unpopulated hill who cares man #steddie #steve x eddie #just a bit of steddie for the soul <3

[wow-thisismylifeiguess]

part 1

hanahaki soapghost part 2

the team is off assignment for a month to give roach time to adjust to being back, being part of a new task force, and getting to know everyone. it’s a blessing and a curse for soap, means he’s not out on assignment while taking care of his little….problem, but it also means having to see his lieutenant and the new sergeant spending almost every second of time together.

gods, soap feels sick, and it’s not even just because of the flowers growing in his lungs.

it had taken nearly fighting gaz to the ground for soap to convince his best friend to not run to either price or ghost with what’s happening. gaz doesn’t leave his side for the next week, and soap can’t say that he’s upset about the whole thing, even if it’s embarrassing to wake the man up in the middle of the night because of a sudden coughing fit. all gaz does is get up and rub soap’s back, telling him he’ll be alright.

eventually, soap has to call to make the appointment. he’ll have to talk to medical, explain what’s going on, fill out forms, and then make up an excuse to price about why he’ll be gone for a bit. can he even make up an excuse? what does he tell the captain? lie about a family emergency?

soap sits alone for the first time in several days in the base’s kitchen. he’d managed to wake up and slip away without disturbing gaz and he drinks from a mug of lukewarm coffee while scrubbing at his eyes. he scrolls on his phone, looking at reviews from a doctor he’s been considering for a bit. all of the reviews are good, talking about how afterwards, people felt /so/ much better no longer being tied down by love for someone who wasn’t worth it.

/fuck/, ghost is worth it. ghost is so absolutely worth it. that’s not the issue. the issue is that soap /isn’t/.

“Oh! Soap! Wasn’t expecting to see you here….”

soap nearly jolts in his seat. he’d been so out of it, he failed to notice footsteps getting closer and when he looks up, he meets roach’s eyes. they’re a bright green even in the shitty lighting of the kitchen and the corners of his eyes are wrinkled as he smiles. the lines are etched so deep, he must smile like that often.

“Ah, couldn’t sleep.” soap says, and he forces a smile on his own lips but the way roach’s expression droops, it must not look super convincing.

“I….hope it’s not my fault.” roach says, and his voice is quiet. soap’s eyes go wide and roach looks away like he hadn’t meant to say that. “That came out wrong. I mean- you- We haven’t gotten a chance to talk, not really. Ghost tells me I’m being stupid, but I’ve gotten it in my head that you don’t…seem to like me…very much.”

oh….

soap blinks at him without saying anything and roach only seems to get more anxious before soap recovers and he’s waving his hands in the air. “No! No, it’s not like that at all!”

this time, roach looks startled, but he relaxes quickly. gives soap a soft smile that has something glittering in soap’s chest.

/what/?

he pushes the feeling away.

“Really? I- Yeah. I know, I was being stupid. But, well. Ghost’s told me a lot about you. So I wanted us to be friends.”

the fact that ghost talks about soap, and in such a positive way that roach actively sought out his company, soap feels ridiculously warm, but it’s quickly followed by a spike of pain. he tries to push it down but it’s so much worse than it’s been before. this is- he can’t-

it’s through sheer willpower that soap doesn’t spit out a whole goddamn fucking bouquet. there’s blood in the back of his throat and it feels like something sharp has ripped it up to bits, but he forces himself to speak through the pain.

“Yeah, of course,” he chokes out. “But we can hang out better once we’ve gotten some sleep, yeah?”

roach seems too happy by the fact that soap doesn’t hate him to notice that anything is wrong.

2/?

tbc

#the end for this is a bit rushed but it’s like….8am and I haven’t slept and for some reason I was determined to finish this /right now/ #still debating the endgame ship but!!! have some soaproach crumbs #they’re minuscule rn but they’re there! #soap’s suffering fr #soapghost #ghostsoap #soapghostroach #cod #my post

[bellybiologist]

Tallying up the Year

I hope you guys' december (which is almost over already, wtf) is going/has gone well! 2024 is upon us.

This christmas weekend, I mostly found myself thinking about how this year went, and honestly? despite all the things I haven't gotten to do, I still managed to accomplish quite a lot.

Me typing this rambly post out is less anything anyone needs to read, but more to remind myself of Things That Got Done™ than anything else because sometimes... I forget I do be getting shit done! And it's important we remind ourselves of the work we do.

The Things That got Done™

I advocated for my own Health. I scheduled (and went to!) so many doctor and dental appointments this year, holy shit. But, if the last few years have taught me anything, I simply have to put in the effort. I got my colon mostly sorted out, started a new regimen for my skin and hair (after chopping it off) so I'm feeling better, schedule an appointment with the optometrist in January, and even got lots of issues with my teeth fixed. Granted, our broken medical system made it incredibly stressful, and i spent thousands of dollars on the latter that I will be paying off til next july BUT!!!! This section is about the good things.

Started Streaming Again! I've been missing streaming since I stopped way back in I believe 2020. It was a fun way to interact with followers and supporters, so I'm glad I'm back to it on a regular schedule, with many of the old regulars still joining me while I work. Speaking of which:

I finished 43 total stream doodles. While I'm only filling a handful a month, it's definitely adding up! 40+ boys in the span of 5 months is nothing to scoff at, and that's not even considering that I'm doing this alongside normal patreon work.

I finished 39 total commissions this year. I'm definitely still going quite slowly, and I thank everyone who has been extraordinarily patient thus far, but I'm happy to say that my pace has been decent... at least relative to previous years. I got more done in the last 5 months than i did in the roughly year and a half period before 2023!

Replaced SEVERAL appliances that broke down. My computer moniter, my microwave, my refrigerator... all failed on my this year, and it took some work, but I finally managed to get them all replaced! So far, everything is working fine, but next on my agenda is to save up for a new desktop. This one I use for work has been at it since 2017, and it's about time to look into upgrading.

My Google Drive is Looking Nice. It's still not perfect, but I'm still immensely proud of how it's shaping up. There's still some curating of older pieces to do, but I've found a stride where I'm regularly updating it for people to peruse.

=====

Now despite these W's, I still got a long way to go. The things below could be considered resolutions for 2024, but that feels cursed to call them that. They are simply:

Things I Want to GET Done

Adding more YCH Figures. I was definitely expecting to have more to choose from by this point. And I really need to update some of the older ones too, because I think they've aged poorly. I got some neat suggestions and hopefully will find some time this week to showcase them in my discord to collect some feedback before releasing them.

Do more involved pieces/projects. I want to do more things like Comics, or simply pieces that I work on over the course of several sittings, ones where I can experiment and fiddle and practice!!! I rarely ever get to do that these days (I've only finished a few Big Personal Pieces this year), and I need to find time and energy to do them more because those are the things that truly make me feel like I grow as an artist. (and maybe I can find a shading style I actually fucking tolerate.). I also want to get more OC development and stuff done too, cuz I really didn't draw my children a whole lot this year!

Make more fucking Money!!!!! Let's not kid ourselves. I want to get to a point where I'm not just barely meeting the monthly quota. How to get there? I don't know, honestly. Things are so very stacked against artists right now, so it really does feel like the only thing that can be done is Not Give Up. Which I won't do. If/when I go down, I'm making it everyone else's problem. Trust. 😏

Save up to Visit the Boyfriend. I haven't seen him since January 2022! Big goal is to be comfortable enough to where I can fly my ass up there and smooch him. 👏🏽

======

I won't lie, i'm going into 2024 quite anxious and still scraping by by the skin of my teeth (that I'm still paying for). It's going to be a BIG year cuz oh boy, it's election year, there's plenty of family developments i gotta keep an eye on and work to be a part of... not to mention all the horrible stuff going on still (free palestine!).

Here's hoping shit goes our way this coming year! And let's get ,more strikes going so everyone is getting their fucking money!!! :V

#verzi rambles #god 2024 is a BIG year for lots of reasons

[loremonster]

Sorry About That, Technical Difficulties...

HOLY FUCK I'M ALIVE!

Sorry for the abcense folks. Long story short; my phone out and out died when I really needed it to make a mental health appointment, and hubby has head off to his next deployment. I take weeks to recover from unexpected upheavals, and those two getting stacked sorta put me in hibernation mode for a couple months.

Longer version;

Had a telehealth appointment with my meds manager. I remembered it, I planned my day around it, I'm on the web site and logged into the portal and ready to go 10 min early... for my phone to go black screened with no indicator lights when plugged in, and no response to forced restart buttons. It's hot to the touch so I legit stuck it in the fridge, and went to plan B to try and make my appointment- hop onto my laptop and join the video call that way.

My internet had gone out. I had to reset the router while getting progressively more panicked about being late because My Phone Is Dead so I can't call the clinic to tell them what happened and they can't call me to find out.

Thankfully, that is when hubby arrived home with some lunch. I was able to use his phone to call the clinic and tell them what was up, rescheduel my appointment, and attend that appointment to secure my next few months of refills.

My old phone was fully bricked. It cooled down, but plugging it in got nothing. Running down the battery to dead and then plugging it in did nothing. So hubby looked up what was on offer and ordered the new one I am using now, and it arrived a week later.

I really like the new phone. It's got a stylus! So I can art on the go even when I forget the trapper keeper with my traditional supplies in it :D

However, because I'm a paranoid bitch who refuses to make use of cloud systems because why wouldn't they copy every bit that runs through them? So I've been manually logging back into apps as I remember which of my six email addresses was associated with them 🤣 legit it took me until today to remember I made a new email for this specific Tumblr account so my notifs wouldn't set off my Professional Writer e-mail's notifications.

Today I just wanted to let folks know I'm Not Dead, tomorrow I'll answer asks that have been recieved while I was MIA. 💚

Big love to everyone, hope y'all are well

-Lore

#personal #oh hai #blog

[eissibee]

God I knew this would happen

Got made redundant just before Christmas, after months of being given nothing to do by the company, despite begging and training and trying to make myself useful. Now I'm useless. It was my grad role opportunity and in 2 years I still don't feel like I know enough to even get the same role elsewhere. I tried to spend idle time learning but it wasn't enough. THEN my prodigal brother returns from a top London job to get several offers and a higher paying job within weeks of returning to the country. My company wouldn't even let me tell people I was leaving.

So it's back to this. Him back to 'help' me by pointing out my every flaw but the added bonus of saying my opinions are naughty bc I might be autistic and therefore don't know what is "usual". Him back to a great job and great friends who he goes camping with for new years before moving out into a flat with them.

And I'm still living at home. Almost no friends. No job. No direction, no motivation. One cat dead before Christmas and the other waiting for an appointment to go because she's got a growth under her tongue, and it's NOT FAIR because we JUST lost Mouse and she is happy and healthy as ever but we still have to kill her at some point but have no idea when is right. And I've got no support from the Great Modern Human Focused company I was booted from, one job lead that might go cold bc it's a family friend connection and that's not ethically sound, and my CV is an embarrassing mess just like I am. I had this stupid idea to make it fun and I KNEW. this would all hit as soon as Christmas was over.

I knew the pit would be waiting so I thought I could jump over rather than in, but I'm too weak for that. I leapt right in, right to the damn bottom, because I AM useless and weak. I'm "weird" and struggle with basic tasks, I claim to be an artist but never make art. I have all the time and opportunity in the world to make something or upskill or add to a UX portfolio I don't have, and I'm just. Lying in bed, making the pillow damp and hoping my parents don't try to get me to eat dinner cos idk if I can. It is pathetic.

My brother and dad and coworkers are right about me. I know nothing, my opinions have no value, I lack awareness and probably have a shit fucked work ethic anyway after months of nothing to do.

I miss Mouse. I need her. I told her that when she was diagnosed but it didn't matter. I was sobbing so hard next to her and she just put a paw on my leg. I begged her not to go and by the end she was so anemic and cold and thin I had to make that call myself. My parents were needing comfort and I was alone. I'm dreading having to face it all over again with Missie. I think hell is just hearing your mother sob in another room.

I know no one who knows me irl will see this. It's probably for the best. I feel like a useless jobless skill less unlovable nobody who will probably never find happiness or someone to care for me after my parents are gone. I'll never make that stupid picture book, or have a career, or dreams. It's just this, and then fog. Nothing I can see. What's the point?

See ya, 2022.

#tw animal death #tw depression #tbd #i think the saddest metaphor that sums up all this stupidity #is im still paying for a minecraft server that no one wants to play on #i dont know why im keeping it #its a nice fantasy ig #id put a read more but forgot how on mobile so someone lemme know and ill hide this mess

[polyamorouspunk]

Hello friend you invited the chaos

So so so. Recap: friends for years, he dumped his toxic ex, started therapy, we start actually talking.

OKAY. So we were officially dating like *last week*. Monday I was over his house and things were good. Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I legit thought he died cause he wasn’t answering his phone (he did not die he just broke his phone, but the worry was there cause I know he deals with depression).

But while thinking he was possibly dead, I had a job interview at the really cool lab and Im gonna be calibrating gas detectors and doing titrations every monday!! (Spoiler I got the job).

And then I had a second one later in the day after he got his new phone but this one was in some sketchy basement lab with two other employees that are both grown men and Im honestly surprised I didnt die down there.

And then thursday I went to my first therapy session to help deal with anxiety and some other shit right. (It will be so fun showing up after my intake appointment with an entirely new set of issues). Oh also this entire week is happening while my autoimmune disorder is flaring too. Thats also a thing. But also. At this point, things are still fine with the guy. Like he was talking about introducing me to his friends and shit.

BUT OKAY THEN FRIDAY HAPPENS. AND THIS IS THE DAY THAT ALL THINGS WENT TO HELL. *He* invited me over his house during the day while most of his family was gone. And I went cause I was off work and also like. At that point why wouldnt I? But uuuhhhhh while I was there, some *things* happened that *he* initiated (fully consensual) but also that boy was fucking *rough* and I have bruises all over where he was grabbing and I’m sure more I cant see. But like. Genuinely kinda a fun time.

Until. Out of no where he like kinda rushed me out of his house. And I was very confused and concerned about that, because obviously I just put a hell of a lot of trust into someone I had considered a good friend. And so after I got home I asked him if I did something wrong, AND GOES ‘We’ve been very close friends for 5 years so dating just feels not right.’ Which like. Was a whiplash moment for me. So I responded with ‘So. You just want to be friends is what youre telling me?’. AND THIS ASSHOLE GOES ‘Yeah, for now at least’.

BOY THERE IS NO FOR NOW AT LEAST. YOU JUST BASICALLY USED ME AND TOSSED ME TO THE SIDE. LIKE. NO??????

So yeah after that I was sad for a little bit but then ya know I started to be able to see the bruises and I just got so fucking pissed off from that, that I was no longer sad. The sad is gone. I was instead petty and went to the county fair with Mountain Boy and told him what was up and yeah. Thats what that insta post was about lol. I was just being petty because I could be.

OH BUT ALSO. I have to see him in early september for a chemistry meeting and I have every intention of looking hot as fuck when I show up just because I can and I refuse to let a boy get in my head about my own self confidence.

And really in the end he was evidently lacking in both braincells and inches, so it was no real loss on my part lmao

Anyways thats been my week, how are youuu??????

Daaaamn he really strung you along huh well man I feel that about people doing a complete 180 on you and showing their true colors out of literally nowhere. I’m sorry it all went down like that, yikes. Yeah, no, I don’t think I would want to be “friends” with someone like that either. Fuck that guy frrrr. Especially right after that.

Damn what a shitty week but I so hope a new job is exactly the kind of reset you need to take your mind off things.

My week has been alright. I’m feeling really burnt out and emotionally exhausted but I’m healing from the bullshit that I went through. I start school tomorrow which I’m not exactly looking forward to but not dreading either but next week I’m going on vacation (also to Myrtle Beach, finally) since I have 3 days in a row off and my birthday is coming up.

#punk gets mail #yikesola

[jess-unkommentiert]

[13] A weekend in New York (Seb's POV)

-> Heartbeats 💕 Masterlist

The chapter shows the events of the weekend from Sebastian's POV. That's why it starts on Friday - two days before Christina posted the photo on Instagram.

Friday, November 25th 2022 – New York Sebastian arrived at JFK Airport in the evening. He had to shoot two more scenes today, before leaving to his hometown for a photo shoot and some press stuff for his movie „Sharper". This should have been released in October but was postponed to the beginning of December because of delays in post-production.

He was excited for both of his appointments although his insecurity made him a little anxious while thinking about the photo shoot. For a moment he had thought about asking y/n to come to New York with him but he decided that this would have been weird.

Rushing their relationship would be wrong and could ruin it - but he enjoyed every second with her and he knew that she would made him feel comfortable during the photo shoot.

But now he had to go through this alone.

Speaking of y/n: he thought about meeting Christina this weekend to ask her a few things about y/n. He didn't want to ruin things with her so asking for some advises would be great.

Sitting in a cap on his way from the airport to his apartment he grabbed his phone and texted Christina:

Sebastian Hi Chrissy, I'm in NYC this weekend. Wanna hang out tomorrow evening?

Christina Hi Seb. Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope you are good. Of course I would like to hang out with you. Come over to New Brunswick and we can enter the bar again, where we used to get drunk as teenagers.

Sebastian Sounds good. I'll be around at 8:00 pm tomorrow right after my photo shoot.

Christina Okay. Can't wait to see you, Seb!

Sebastian Can't wait, too, Chrissy.

He was kind of nervous, because he didn't know how much y/n had shared with her friend so far. Maybe he could go full spy mode and get to know if she liked him the same way he liked her.

He felt the tension between them and she was all cuddly last weekend, but that didn't mean that she had fallen for him. Maybe she was this cuddly with all of her male friends.

On the other hand she agreed to go a date with him next weekend. Their first official date. He needed it to be perfect and he can't wait for cuddling with her while watching one of his favorite movies - again.

Maybe he would even be brave enough to kiss her. He couldn't nearly keep himself from doing that on Tuesday morning. It felt like it was the right thing to do but he didn't want to scare her.

Another thing he needs to ask Christina was about the pace of their relationship. He wanted to do it right. Not too fast and not too slow. He was so scared of losing her again.

That woman amazed him on their first meeting and he couldn't be happier when he heard that y/n was part of the hair and make-up crew for Cap4. He even convinced Anthony to write an E-Mail to Bryan that he (Anthony) wished to work with y/n in that movie. That's why Bryan and Jennifer gave y/n the responsibility for the men and Susan for the women.

She was only in his life for two weeks (we're not counting the first meeting a few months ago now) but he couldn't imagine living without her. She made him laugh and feel happy again. After all the pain he had been through because of the fake PR relationship with that Spanish model and a crazy fake break-up thing with the other actress, he was even more anxious as he was before.

But every moment he was with y/n it felt like his anxiety was gone. Like she was the medicine. The way that little crinkles appear on her mouth and next to her beautiful green eyes when she smiles, made him feel butterflies in his stomach. Every fucking time.

"You can't ruin that, Sebastian! Don't be an idiot. Finding someone like her is hard." he thought.

That's why he needed some advises from Christina and was happy that she agreed to meet him on Saturday.

Things were a bit complicated between them in the last year of university. That's why he was more than surprised when she asked him to come to her birthday party. He rescheduled everything to be there. To maybe talk to her about everything that had happened. But there were too many people on her party that evening. And he was with Mackie. And y/n.

Maybe they had a chance to talk about that tomorrow as well.

The cap stopped in front of his apartment complex in Soho, he grabbed his bag, paid the driver and left the car. When he was gone for a longer time some of his friends were living in his apartment a few days a week to be sure that everything is okay. Since his address was leaked a few years ago he found more paparazzi and fans waiting in front of his home than he liked to. He was always grateful for his amazing fans but his home should have been his safe place. Where he can be as rare and vulnerable as he wanted to be without being scared someone would see him crying on the fire escape.

He entered his apartment and put his backpack on the counter of the kitchen that was right next to the entrance. It wasn't a big kitchen but enough for him as he was not even able to cook properly. Thanks to the american food culture and he living in a huge city as NYC he was able to find food everywhere. Even when he was on a diet for a specific role.

His apartment was a maisonette that means he had stairs that lead to another level within his apartment. The second level above wasn't huge as it only contained his bedroom. He knew that he would probably need a different apartment when he will be married someday, planning to start a family. He was 40 years old and still single. That's why his mum was always complaining that she would never have grandchildren. But he just hadn't found the right woman yet.

The long day of shooting and the 2,5 h flight from Atlanta to New York exhausted him, so he decided to fall straight into his bed.

~~~

Saturday, November 26th 2022 – New York The next morning he woke up (without an alarm) at around 6:30 am, jumped out of bed and made himself a coffee. He texted his personal trainer Don Saladino if he had time to workout with him and to his surprise Don answered immediately that Seb could come around to his house. Don had not only his own home-gym, he had a whole building (called 'The barn') next to his actual house where he can train. That place was awesome.

So Sebastian got a rental car (as he was living right in the center of NYC without a parking slot or garage he didn't have his own car) to drive to Don's house which was a bit outside of NYC.

They had an amazing and sweaty workout session and sat down in Don's living room to talk about everything for over an hour afterwards. Don wasn't only his personal trainer - he became his friend over the last years.

The photo shoot was scheduled for 4:00 pm in an office in Lower Manhattan so he was able to go there by walking - which was a relief. New York traffic was horror.

He said Goodbye to Don and his family and made his way back to his apartment. He arrived at 1:30 pm so it was lunch time. As he didn't want to be bloated during the shooting he decided to get a light salad in a 'salad bar' (yes there are restaurants in NYC that only sell salads!) right down the street. He ate his salad at home and as he saw that there were bell peppers in his salad he felt the urge to text y/n.

Sebastian Ate bell peppers today. Totally didn't taste what color they were. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Heading out to my photo shoot in an hour. I am excited!

Y/N I am pretty sure you will do amazing during the photo shoot. Have a good weekend in my favorite city. I miss it.

Sebastian I am pretty sure NYC misses you to. So do I. (Message deleted)

He sighed and threw his phone in his backpack. It was time to go to the photo shoot and he didn't want to think about y/n too much as he was scared of losing his focus while shooting. It was his job and he wanted to be good at it. On his way to the loft office he decided to buy a coffee at a Starbucks nearby. He was known as a 'coffee addict' as he was having a cup of coffee with him most of the time - no matter if it was in the morning or in the evening.

The shooting went well - he felt more comfortable than he expected and some of photos even in his eyes were pretty good.

The photograph had send him some of the photos on his phone and some behind the scenes footage. He was confident enough to post some of the footage on his Instagram and put his phone back into the backpack as usually his Instagram notifications explode after he posted literally anything.

He went back to his rental car and texted Christina that he was on his way to New Brunswick now. As he was a bit early Christina offered him to come to her house before they head out to the bar together.

He arrived at Christina's house at 6:55 pm, parked the car in the driveway and rang the doorbell. Christina opened the door and gave him a hug. They went into her living room where Christina offered Sebastian a drink. He needed some alcohol to calm his nerves before he was going to ask Christina about y/n.

After a little bit of small talk Sebastian didn't want to hide around the bushes any longer and decided to confront Christina with the topic he urgently needed to talk about.

„Listen Chrissy, there is a specific topic I want to talk with you about"

Christina looked at him with her eyebrows furrowed. She didn't know what to expect but she had a slight idea.

„You know you can talk to me about everything, Seb. Go ahead"

He sighed and could feel his insecurity and anxiety grow inside of him. But he needed to be brave now.

„You know that I work with y/n for the current movie and we're going to have our first official date next weekend. I wanted to ask you if there is something I should know about her and how I should handle the whole dating situation. I really like her but I don't want to ruin it with her."

His body language portrayed his insecurity and he was not even able to look Christina in the eyes. She had heard from y/n that they were on a karaoke night and that she thought Sebastian was „a really nice and funny guy" and she remembered her heart eyes after the birthday party. But y/n hadn't told her that the are officially dating, what surprised her.

„What do you mean with 'official' first date?" she asked and tried not to let him know how much she already knew.

„Well we were on a karaoke night with Sam, Ann my assistant, y/n and Susan who is another hair and make-up artist at the movie. And.."

He wasn't able to continue as Christina immediately said: „Wait Ann? I thought Ethan was your assistant?!"

„Ethan and Mina are expecting their second child. So we decided that Ethan needs more time for his family. We chose Ann together as second assistant. It works good so far!" he answered smiling. Christina nodded without saying any further so that he could continue with the explanation.

„Anyways. Two days after the karaoke night I met y/n at a grocery store and I took the chance to invite myself for dinner that day. We had good food and wine and ended up cuddling on the couch while watching 'Notting Hill'. Well at least I was watching - she fell asleep after a few minutes." he smiled while remembering y/n's warm body resting on his chest. Christina saw his face expressions and exclaim:

„Sebastian Stan. You really fell for that women!"

He raised his arm and scratched his neck while making a grimace. „Yeah, I think I do like her a lot" he whispered more to himself than to Christina but she still heard him.

He finally looked into Christina's eyes and asked the question he wanted to ask right from the beginning: „As you guys are very good friends, I wanted to ask you if you have probably talked about her and me and if there is a slight chance that she likes me a little bit."

She waited a few seconds to answer and it felt like a lifetime until Sebastian finally heard her voice: „Well, after my birthday party we talked about you. She really liked spending time with you on that evening. But as I know how you've been at Rutgers... I told her that you were always a playboy and I didn't want her to be another of your trophies."

He was shocked when he heard what she said. It was true that he didn't take it very serious with girls and women during college. And even afterwards. He had a lot of short-time relationships, he even - and he was not proud of it - cheated on some of his girlfriends.

But since he became older he was looking for 'the one'. The one to stay with his whole life. The one to marry and to start a family with. The one to be excited to come home every day until he was dead.

Christina saw the shocked expression on his face and that he wasn't able to answer, so she quickly added: „But maybe this was just jealousy talking out of me." she looked on the ground - unable to look into his blue eyes.

„Wait. What do you mean... jealousy?" Sebastian stumbled.

„Don't you remember that night right before you went to London for your exchange semester?"

„No, I don't. What do you mean? Chrissy please tell me!" he said and took her hand into his - trying to comfort her as she was clearly uncomfortable with this conversation.

„The last night before you went to London we were in our favorite bar. And we all had way to much alcohol so I was finally brave enough to share with you that I was badly in love with you." she said in a low voice. It felt like she was ashamed for her feelings from over 20 years ago.

„I don't remember that. Maybe I really had too much alcohol" he chuckled - trying to lighten her mood.

She ignored his comment and continued: „That's why I took double the courses while you were in London. So that I had the chance to graduate before your return. To never see you again."

That made him really sad. They were always good friends and he never really figured out why that changed while he was in London. Now he knew. And his answer wouldn't make things better between them:

„Well. Guess we had bad timing then. Because I was head over heels for you from the first day I met you until the day I left to London. Maybe we should have just talked about it with each other.."

Her jaw was on the floor when they looked each other in the eyes. They could have been with each other all the time? Could have been married by now and even having kids? And they ruined it just because none of them was brave enough to share their feelings sober? That's a shame.

Maybe they just were not meant for each other.

Sebastian saw Christina chuckle a little before her chuckle grow into a huge laughter and her expression smoothed.

„Well Seb, we were falling in love with each other but never managed to date. What a shame. We could have pretty children by now. Nevermind. It's the past. It's over. Now we need to make sure you and y/n don't do the same mistake and not mention your feelings for each other!" she said and her face turned into serious mode again.

„Yeah, I really want to make things right with her. She is very special." he said with sparkles in his eyes. He couldn't hide his feelings for y/n anymore and he didn't want to.

„She is. And she is not complicated at all. She has kind of a tragic story with one of her ex-boyfriends but she needs to tell you that on her own. So just treat her well, Seb. Don't touch her or grab her arm or waist in a fight to prevent her from running away. That is the worst thing you could do to her. You will understand once you know the story. That's my only advice to you. I know you long enough to know that you will give her all the love she deserves, that you will care for her and protect her. You won't ruin things with her, Seb. I am pretty sure. You two will be a cute couple!" she said and now grabbed his hand while looking in his eyes. She smiled at him and he smiled back.

The story of her ex-boyfriend made him curious, but he had an idea what this was about. He decided to let her tell him that story when she was ready to do. All of his anxiety was gone, now that he knew that Christina believed in them.

After their conversation they headed towards the little bar in town and enjoyed the rest of the evening. As Seb had to drive back to NYC he didn't had any alcohol besides the one drink at Christina's house. That chatted, the laughed, they danced. It was an amazing evening.

He was still smiling all the way back to his apartment. He and y/n would have a realistic chance. Now it was up to him to treat her well and he didn't plan to do anything else.

~~~

Sunday, November 27th 2022 – New York Sunday was full of press stuff for his movie 'Sharper' that included a lot of interviews - a few of them in person and other ones via zoom.

His flight back to Atlanta was scheduled for 6 pm so he was going to the airport right from the hotel room the agency booked for them to do the interviews. Ethan and Mina would take care of his apartment for the next weeks so he texted his cleaning team to clean the apartment before his friends would arrive some when next week.

The day went by really fast and he didn't even had the chance to check his phone a lot. Between two interviews he had seen that y/n liked the behind the scenes footage from his photo shoot and his heart skipped a beat. He wanted to text her but he didn't had the time as the next interview started almost immediately. He would text her later when he was waiting at the airport.

Right before heading to the airport he said goodbye to his cast mates as well as to the directors and producers of the movie. He already check-in online and as he just had his backpack he didn't need to be at the airport too early. He made it through the airport security check and waited in a lounge for boarding.

He felt his phone buzz more than usual and grabbed it out of his pocket.

Christina tagged him on a photo from last night and comments and likes went crazy over her caption:

Rutgers reunion: tonight my university crush confessed to me that he was in love with me as well. 👫🏽

He commented two green heart emojis „💚💚" underneath the photo and didn't even realized what he had done.

But he would find out soon enough...

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan reader #sebastian stan fandom #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x femalereader #sebastian stan x you #winter soldier #wintersoldier #marvel fanfic writer #mcu #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel #female reader #fanfic #fanfiction #bucky barnes #lovestory #james bucky barnes #buckybarnes #love at first sight #romance

[bergens-adventure-tours]

Week 7: March 27th – April 2nd, 2023 // Final Count Down

It’s been such an eventful roller coaster this week! Nearing my final days in Tassie I’ve been wrapping up loose ends for van things, making an effort to check off some of the final main “must-sees,” and trying to make the most of my remaining time here.  It’s been a rather emotional one if I’m being honest.  The reality of me venturing off properly on my own is setting in and I’d be lying if there wasn’t a lot of anxieties coming with it. Between the usual worrying I’ll forget something important, to the unknown adventures and mishaps, to the general lack of expertise in so many things.  I feel as though I’m throwing myself into the deep end, and while I’m SO incredibly excited for what has been a dream of mine for years to finally become reality, there’s a healthy amount of “what the fuck am I doing” to keep me grounded? Level-headed? Who knows lol.

--

We kicked off this week with a true Tassie must experience!  I brought my car out to a mechanic in Triabunna to get some work done [stuff required for the safety certificate I needed – I’m going to do a whole separate post dedicated to buying a vehicle in Australia], which was coincidentally just a 10minute walk to the ferry that’ll take you to Maria Island!  Maria Island is infamous for its abundance of wildlife (Wombats, Kangaroos, Wallabies, Pademelons, etc.) and endless trails for walking and biking. I mentioned the details in a recent Instagram post https://www.instagram.com/p/CqVZbZvyTO2/ but the island doesn’t allow cars, making it an absolute dream space to properly disconnect and venture into nature (keep an eye out for a detailed post on Maria Island in the future).  Most of the island doesn’t get much service either so it really does force you to be present with your surroundings.  I turned my phone on airplane mode and used the little paper map from the information centre to get around, using mostly just my camera for capturing little moments.

The weather was perfect, mostly overcast but warm, with few breaks of sun.  My favourite moments from this day were wandering across the beach and the painted cliffs barefoot for about an hour – just taking time to really admire the beauty of the naturally formed patterns –

getting to sit with a wombat, and capture a really beautiful photo of a kookaburra.

Unfortunately for the van, one of the parts ordered didn’t arrive… so we were left to hope the mechanic back in Hobart would give me the safety certificate anyways…

--

Plot twist… they did!! Tuesday I called them up first thing to see if they could change my appointment to meet with me that day (the girl I bought the van from was leaving the next day for a 9-day trip, so this was quite literally our last chance to get everything officially and properly signed over to me).   Brought it in and 2 hours later was handed the safety certificate!  It was a super rainy day, so I spent most of it curled up in the van outside the Fitzy Castle house, working on blogs, editing my photos from Maria Island, working out some plans for my final week.  Taking it relatively easy after the big win.

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Wednesday is once things really started to kick into gear.  Met up with Stefi (the girl I bought Peg from) in Sorrell to get the registration moved to my name, transferred from Queensland to Tasmanian plates, and get a Tasmanian drivers licence!  I think the woman at Service Tassie had a good laugh at us – she made a comment about how it seemed so funny to be so stoked about getting new plates and a driver’s licence – all we could really say was that it had been such a long time coming to get to this point!  Honestly, everything else for this trip has been so seamlessly smooth – I’ve been lucky to have made some really incredible connections for all aspects of my trip, the support I’ve received here has gone well above anything I could’ve ever expected – but the process for getting the van actually put in my name has for sure been as nail-biting as you could get it.  Quite literally got drawn out to the last possible second, but SO thankful it all worked out!

I’d been in need for a good climb, so once I got settled back, had some food, I took myself to the gym for a good boulder sesh.  It’s been so cool and motivating seeing the progression I’ve been making in my strength and technique.  Working through routes I would never even be attempting back home, even at my strongest.  I feel a different level of confidence building up this time around, which has been a lot of fun to navigate and witness.

Spent the rest of the evening + afternoon applying to Sea Shepherd’s volunteer photographer position.  I got really into it and ended up putting together a proper portfolio, which got me really excited and eager to look into more work and potential opportunities similar to this.  Maybe even some blogging for another company! (Any takers?)

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Thursday morning, I finished up and sent off the application, then made my way to the MONA (Museum of New and Old Art).  I had been told it was a cool experience, but this well exceeded my expectations.  For starters, the grounds and architecture are absolutely stunning! So much thought went into not just a place to hold art, but to physically experience it too from the inside and the outside.  All your senses are activated when you walk through.  You begin by going down 3 or 4 floors underground, and the rest I’ll leave to you to have to experience yourself one day.  Let’s just say, I’ve spent a lot of time in museums, especially in Europe, and I think this is my favourite by a long shot.

After eating some lunch and hanging in the van in the MONA parking lot while the rain went past, I made my way to the Royal Tasmanian Botanical Garden’s.  It’s quite similar to the UBC Botanical Garden’s but is free to park and enter, and a bit smaller.  Super stunning layout and plant life, with lots of really beautifully detailed + informative little signs scattered throughout the park.  My favourites were the signs sharing how indigenous people use the plants for materials, medicine, etc.

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Friday was SUCH a great day. Leah and I had been meaning to connect for a while so we spent the day out at Port Arthur’s visiting the Tasmanian Devil Unzoo, hiking Cape Raoul, and hitting up the infamous ‘Trout Party’ back in Hobart!

I was really impressed with how the Unzoo was set up. The place is meant to help protect Devil’s from contracting the illness that spread like wildfire and wiping out I think something like 95% of the population.  Thanks to efforts like theirs, the Devil’s have been rescued from extinction, but still have a long way to go to no longer be considered endangered. Check out the Unzoo website for more information: https://tasmaniandevilunzoo.com.au/save-the-devil/.

Cape Raoul was a beautiful 15.5km hike out to stunning cliff face views, similar to those of Cape Hauy, but with a lot less “up down.”

For those wondering what a ‘Trout Party’ is – one of the houses in the friend has a little bar room that is decked out to be the ultimate “fisherman bar.”  It’s just a small room off the backyard with exactly what you’d imagine!  This house is known for throwing some pretty fun parties at least a couple times a year, so everyone looks forward to them!

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Saturday I managed to get in a bit of a slower morning before spending the whole afternoon with Rhys working on the van.  The van build has been such a fun learning process, getting to use power tools, brainstorming designs, figuring out ways to make the most use of our material, the many… many… trips to Bunnings (Australia’s version of a Home Depot), seeing my little home come together.   Slowly but surely.  We had a few little hiccups with the original electrical set up, but thankfully the owner of the house we’ve been using to build out of is an electrician and was super willing and eager to help get it back up and running.  I’ve actually really enjoyed the electrical part a lot.  It makes me more excited about the idea of designing a proper van from scratch in the future – one with a functioning sink and shower, and lights on dimmers, with electrical outlets. Actually use my schooling for once lol.

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Sunday I made a point to get out to the Farmgate market one last time.  I really didn’t take advantage of the markets back home, and I know this is something I want to be doing more of. Supporting the small local businesses, buying your produce for the week, trying new products, gathering with friends to sit in the park or going solo and wandering leisurely.

The afternoon was spent much more of the same – meeting with Rhys thinking it was our last day of building, just to find ourselves saying “we probably only need a few more hours tomorrow.”  We definitely made really good progress today though! It was actually coming together – all the drawers fit together (like a glove I might add… every millimeter really does count) and screwed down into the van, electrical fully up n running, fridge properly set up.  The end is truly near…

Then spent the evening hanging out with the house + Sophie for dinner and watching an episode of Alone; this year’s season is filmed here in Tassie!

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The final days have me feeling a whirlwind of emotions, but overall, I’m feeling incredibly grateful for my time and experiences I’ve had.  It turned out to be so much more than I could’ve imagined.  The people I’ve met and the support I’ve received has been truly wonderful.  Now I move into the last days of preparing to leave for the official big adventure, with no one but myself and Peg.  It’s a journey I’ve longed for years, and now… here we are.

Wish me luck.

Stay passionate and curious, Hunter♡

04/03/2023

[jenniez-tv]

Well my streak is gone...

A lot of things has happened in the past 2.5 weeks.  I got the PET scan done where they inject glucose into your body to see which parts of your body light up.  Lighting up means bad/tumor stuff because it feeds.  The PET scan showed that there is actually 2 masses instead of 1, along with multiple lymph nodes and my anastomosis (where the connected my rectum to my small intestine).  So that this was more bad news and pretty much definitely meant that it could not be the desmoid tumor but cancer.   

I then got my sigmoidoscopy, endoscopy (which I get yearly) and endoscopic ultrasound guided needle biopsy (to try to get a sample of the mass).  They removed 7 polyps but the doctor said he was unable to find the mass so he just took a sample of the tissue that was where it was supposed to be.  To me and my doctors, it seemed like good news in the sense that it wasn’t touching the anastomosis and I wouldn't need to remove the rest of my rectum and need a ileostomy bag. 

I went to see an urologist about the mass putting pressure and narrowing my ureter to my left kidney.  A stent procedure was scheduled along with a nuclear renal scan to see the how bad the block was.  My right kidney was definitely compensating well (for now).  It was 84% right side and 16% left =x, I also scheduled to get another biopsy done a different way to try to get a sample of the mass.

While waiting for my scheduled procedures, my oncologist gave me a call around 8:30pm one day.. never a good sign.., She said that the biopsy they tested just because turned out to be cancer.. possible the mass was pressing against it and/or it just spread to have cells on the anastomosis.. I was in completely and utter fucking shock.  I was NOT expecting this answer, even though I knew the masses in my left pelvic area was.  So what this means is that I HAVE STAGE 4 CANCER AGAIN.  I told everyone that I wasn’t going to do this all over again.. and that I definitely didn’t want a ileostomy bag... I just don’t have the strength and energy to..

My 2nd biopsy was cancelled but I still had my kidney to worry about.  There was a possibility that the mass would be too large/hard/whatever for them to push the stent through without rupture.  If that was the case, I would have to get yet another procedure and pee out of a bag through a bag on my body..  I just got the stent placed yesterday afternoon and thank goodness they were able to get it through.  I definitely can feel it travel all the way up my body, and there is a pressure and discomfort as well as some spotting (bleeding) and burning while peeing -_-.  They say me feeling the stent all the way up is just from the procedure and that once I heel shouldn’t feel it like that.  However, just because the stent placement was successful doesnt mean that it opened the ureter up enough so I have to schedule another nuclear renal scan in 2 weeks to see if it did anything.  I am really hoping it does because I don’t need my kidneys to fuck up and need dialysis or some shit. 

I have an appointment next week to speak with the specialists who did my HIPEC surgery to see what they think is the best treatment plan and go from there.. I am trying to keep my options opened until I hear from everyone but I don’t want to do it all again.. the chemo fucking sucked, the HIPEC surgery was the worse fucking feeling in the world and of course I had complications and got septic from it.. Even till this day I am getting PT on my abdominal muscles because they separated and can’t stand straight without feeling tightness and pulling on the scar tissue.  If I were to get this surgery again it will only be even worse off.. People think that because everything is healed and that I look healthy means I am fine... but I am not.  What people don’t realize is all the AFTER shit is what is the hardest.  I went into some detail in the prior post about this and may say more later but as of now I just wanted everyone to know that my fucking streak of being in remission is gone - only lasted 2.5 years and that I don’t know if I want to go through this all again.. 

#colon cancer #cancer #fuck cancer #fml