#narclove
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🖤💣 Lovebombed. All that attention at the beginning of the relationship? The declaration of soulmates and love? Someone has never understood them like you do? The crazy sex? The gifts? The thoughfulness? You're not like their ex's? That wasn't real. Inline with their child mentality - you're the new shiny toy that they want to play with all the time, until they get bored. It was a way of trapping you in the Narcissists game, they give a little at the beginning, knowing they'll get a lot later. ~ Rick dC // @SaveMeFromToxic #lovebomb #lovebombing #love #fakelove #notreallove #narcissism #narclove #toxiclove #attention #crazysex #gifts #exs #allgames #lovegames #shinytoy #by #rickdc https://www.instagram.com/p/CpiY6utJoQ5/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#lovebomb#lovebombing#love#fakelove#notreallove#narcissism#narclove#toxiclove#attention#crazysex#gifts#exs#allgames#lovegames#shinytoy#by#rickdc
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i can’t stop myself from touching her.
her skin, soft like a petal from a flower,
translucent, scarred to perfection
from her attempts to end this life.
do you understand how it feels to
lose your mind? to feel it dissipate?
like dirt in the wind, spitting in the
eyes of those whom love us —
we don’t necessarily love them,
though, do we?
selfish sack of shit, that’s me.
all we care about is ourself.
toxicity in the blood,
regret in the bones,
sex at the tip of the tongue.
i fucking wanted to taste her,
i wanted it. deeper than anything.
it was a withdraw of the best
drug ive ever had.
addiction is your brain’s
way of escape, you caged bird.
her moans echo throughout my body,
shivering from the core
to the tips of my fingers.
she is everything that holds
me together, like glue.
opposite, in every way:
soft vs hard
light vs dark
forgiveness vs blame
love vs hatred
licking the skin of her thigh,
tasting her truths as they spoke
to me in riddles, whispering,
in ancient languages i don’t speak.
aching, craving, fixing — like a junkie.
“give it to me,” whispers
“almost,” moans
flat line. overdose. dancing with the devil.
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Torn Self but perfect and cheesy love (fantasies)
I am special, I am never wrong, I deserve more things in life than others, I am deeply ashamed of myself, I am dirty/”evil”, there is something wrong with me, I deserve pain, its all my fault, I need other people to make myself feel good and/or I dont know how to make myself feel good (external locus of control – no true narcissist can sit in a room by themselves and quietly read a book except it is possible to be alone and to feel good: a) Devalue everyone else b)talk to yourself c)engage in the grandiose fantasies etc.) without people, I am desperate, I am invincible, I am golum, I am superman, I need to make myself the centre of attention or I experience deep despair that makes me feel like Im coming apart at the seams, I need to be the ONE for that one special person then we can help each other and are invincible, feeling with each other, we won't need anyone else bc we have each other and we are perfect (for each other) even with all our "flaws", coping mechanisms, traumata, cptsd etc. we can share it with each other and we will understand each other and make one another feel better and more complete. We will take care of each other, their feelings, their well-being and we will listen to each other and though we may not fully understand what each of us has gone through, we will accept it and try to make sense of it. We will love each other endlessly and adore each other no matter what. We will fight, but as soo as both parties have calmed down we will be able to really sort things out, to accept responsibilty and even guilt; yet we will not feel shame at least not as intense as usually. We do things out of love for each other and even when we don't feel love; we know that we love each other and continue to do so and we won't let anyone break us apart.
#npd#narcissistic love#bpd#vulnerable narcissist#narc traits#grandiose fantasies#vulnerable#narcissist#love#narc#co-dependency#cptsd#narclove#don't burn the narc#vulnerable narc#perfect love#hurt#abuse#neglect#perfectlove#coping#narc father#narc mother#childhood abuse#narcissism#despair#lonely#depression#narcissistic#aboutme
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Toxic's and Narcissists have the awareness of what they are doing (don't even accept the excuse of "I didn't know what I was doing, I wasn't in my right mind"). They know. They just feel it's "ok" for them to do whatever they want. They just have a different value system, their value comes from being wanted and desired. Now, most people look at cute people on social media - that's natural. What's not natural, is then sending a like, or a wink to initiate conversation. Toxic's are constantly craving that buzz, that excitement. They'll flirt a bit, maybe they'll talk a bit about how bad things have been for them and they just need "love". What they're actually doing, is exactly what they did with you - is pull you into their supply. They feign emotions to try and trap you into their web. If you don't fall for it? You're a cold a55hole who didn't deserve the Narc. If you do fall for it? Be prepared for the initial love-bombing, then push pull, then cheating, lying, manipulation - and then the cycle will start all over again, with the next person. They're not interested in building a solid and fun future together. They're interested in only getting their insecure inner desires met, as they panickly try and fill the emptiness inside. And they do all that - knowing exactly what they do, and doing it anyway. ~ Rick dC @SaveMeFromToxic #theyknow #theyknowwhattheyredoing #narclove #toxiclove #narcissistic #lovebomb #socialmedia #flirting #emptysoul #emptinessinside https://www.instagram.com/p/Coz4_O1pA-f/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#theyknow#theyknowwhattheyredoing#narclove#toxiclove#narcissistic#lovebomb#socialmedia#flirting#emptysoul#emptinessinside
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Are you the Toxic or Narcissist? Narcissists, especially educated Covert Narcissists, will accuse YOU of being the toxic one - they’ll gaslight you, and tell everyone the moment you’ve left them - that it was ALL you. If you replay events over and over in your mind constantly. If you question what went on. If you wished things were different. If you thought to yourself.. “if only I did X things would be different” If you’re researching to try and process & understand. If you’re working on self-awareness, & boundaries. All of that? Simply proves you’re not the Narcissist, because Narcissists & Toxic People are just empty black souls who only pretend to care and truly don’t think they did anything wrong.. ~ Rick dC @SaveMeFromToxic #narcissist #narcissisteducation #amianarcissist #narclove #emptysouls #blackheart #gaslight #gaslighting #emotionalspiral #replayingevents #emotionalswirling #didntdoanythingwrong https://www.instagram.com/p/CoyMDQ9Pwty/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#narcissist#narcissisteducation#amianarcissist#narclove#emptysouls#blackheart#gaslight#gaslighting#emotionalspiral#replayingevents#emotionalswirling#didntdoanythingwrong
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I do not regret meeting you. But I am glad we are strangers again. @SaveMeFromToxic #stangers #regret #noregrets #narclove #toxiclove https://www.instagram.com/p/Cox0QIAyO6L/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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❤️🩹 Revenge? I know you want to get that toxic person back for lying, for cheating, for manipulating you, it’s a natural response to betrayal. But the healthiest and best payback you can get, is by working on you, getting healed, finding peace, working on being authentic, ultimately letting go, and finding someone who genuinely deserves you. That will all truly drive a Narc crazy. They will come back, a week, a month, a year later - they will tell you want you want to hear - just like they did do in the past - after all, they know how to manipulate you - they will do this to see if they can fill their empty black heart with your attention and attachment, trust me - they will just keep doing what they do, it’s who they are. It’s their default. And you? You deserve so much better. ~ Rick dC @savemefromtoxic #blackheart #revenge #letgo #toxicpeople #toxiclove #authentic #beauthentic #narc #narclove #lying #cheating #theirdefaults #defaults #youdeservebetter #ideservebetter #emptyheart #fakepeople #fakelove https://www.instagram.com/p/CoxtwuSy3WP/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#blackheart#revenge#letgo#toxicpeople#toxiclove#authentic#beauthentic#narc#narclove#lying#cheating#theirdefaults#defaults#youdeservebetter#ideservebetter#emptyheart#fakepeople#fakelove
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Stop trying to find closure. They did that the moment they started treating you with disrespect. ~ Rick dC @savemefromtoxic #closure #disrespect #narc #narclove #toxiclove #needclosure #findingclosure #theywillneverstop #itsnotyou #itsthem https://www.instagram.com/p/CouwYfapF-Y/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#closure#disrespect#narc#narclove#toxiclove#needclosure#findingclosure#theywillneverstop#itsnotyou#itsthem
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14 Signs of a one-sided relationship 1. You are always making the plans. 2. You’re always initiating conversations and communication. 3. You don’t feel comfortable telling your partner things. 4. You feel as if your partner couldn't care less about what is going on in your life. 5. You’re always there for your partner. Always. 6. Your partner only responds to your text messages or phone calls sporadically. 7. You feel like an obligation — not a priority. 8. Your love and romantic gestures are rarely, if ever, reciprocated. 9. You lack a social life as a couple. 10. You may feel more used than loved. 11. Your partner is always canceling or rescheduling. 12. The relationship is more draining than it is energizing. 13. You start becoming resentful. 14. Your relationship is mainly about what your partner wants. - These are classic signs of a one-sided relationship. Sometimes one or two of these things happen, as long as it's occasionally, that that's normal in the ebb and flow of a relationship. The problem is when things happen consistently - that's when you need to deep dive into your relationship and whether it fulfills your emotional needs ~ Rick dC @savemefromtoxic #onesided #onesidedlove #toxiclove #toxic #narcissisticlove #narcissist #narclove #allaboutthem #mememe #leave #emotionalhealth #lovehealth #happyhearts #balance https://www.instagram.com/p/CoiIv9ev5YT/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#onesided#onesidedlove#toxiclove#toxic#narcissisticlove#narcissist#narclove#allaboutthem#mememe#leave#emotionalhealth#lovehealth#happyhearts#balance
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If they keep saying the same thing over & over, and doing the same thing over & over. That’s personality, not an apology. ~ Rick dC @savemefromtoxic #gaslighting #narcissist #narc #narcabuse #narclove #lying #constantlying #notanapology #apology #narcapology #toxic #toxiclove https://www.instagram.com/p/CoasuHaL_9Q/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#gaslighting#narcissist#narc#narcabuse#narclove#lying#constantlying#notanapology#apology#narcapology#toxic#toxiclove
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Get Educated! The more you read, the more you learn, the more things make sense. Narcissists will do anything to get you - they'll reflect everything about you, they'll attach physical things to your "love", numbers, food, sayings, songs... all things so that you're permanently associated to them, whenever you see those things. They want you permanently attached, so when they do something wrong - cheat, lie, manipulate - you'll still be there. Attached. Thinking you can love them healthy, and love them through the storm they created. #morelearning #learn #thingsmakesense #narcissistLove #narc #narcsis #narcis #narc #narclove #toxiclove #reading #education #geteducated #gethealthy #alternativereality https://www.instagram.com/p/Cnrt1idr3e9/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#morelearning#learn#thingsmakesense#narcissistlove#narc#narcsis#narcis#narclove#toxiclove#reading#education#geteducated#gethealthy#alternativereality
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If you are truly loved, they will not want to be the source of hurt ~ Rick dC A toxic or narcissist does not care if they hurt you, they don't care if they lie, or cheat, or manipulate. To them, that behaviour is justified. Someone healthy, capable of love, does not want to cause you hurt. If they do, its accidental, they'll own what they do, and if they truly care about you, they'll do their best not to repeat it. #truelove #ifyouareloved #toxiclove #narclove #sourceofhurt #rickdc https://www.instagram.com/p/Cnm4_wqvidy/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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the lies we tell ourselves.
i’d been suspicious for awhile, but still, the tiniest part of me wanted to believe it wasn’t real. to believe that he would never do that to me. to someone that he claimed to love so much that he’d take a bullet for. but seeing the words on my screen, all i could do was laugh. and after the laughing subsided, all i could do was cry.
i walked on the treadmill, trying my best to get my shit together before i got off. i couldn’t face the rest of the gym with the red and rimmed eyes. not with the tear stained cheeks.
finally, after i had some time to breathe, i looked around and didn’t see him. he’d been asleep on the couch that propped against the employee area. i thought i was in the clear because if i saw him, i wouldn’t be able to hold it in. stepping off, i moved to the bathroom as fast as i could. my body was tight and i was swollen, just having had surgery, but unable to gain a pound.
as soon as i was almost there, he came out and looked at me. i brushed past, headphones still on- desperate that he’d leave me alone for just once.
i could feel him, heavy on my tail. “not now,” i pleaded. i needed space. i needed to breathe and i couldn’t do it with him. i couldn’t be that girl here. i walked into the bathroom and attempted to shut the door behind me, but he got there first. overpowering. his breathing was huffy as he stood over me, asserting the power he knew he had in the situation; over my mind, my body, and my emotional state. i was easy to manipulate to him and i was fun to watch struggle; like an ant under a magnifying glass on a hot day.
he was so strong. he pushed open the door and stared at me. i felt cornered and it was still so hard to breathe. “not now. we’re at work,” i remember repeating as he continually tried to bully me into the truth. i didn’t want to do it there- i didn’t want to think about what she’d told me. “not now. i need space,” i said, moreso to myself.
i stared into his eyes and he looked into mine, eye twitching with anger. he was quick to temper. his lips twitched and his eyes were zeroed in.
“what do you think you’re doing?” i remember him asking and i wanted to laugh in his face. what was i doing? what was he doing? he was ruining everything we worked for. every late night, every whisper, every step forward. he ruined it all.
“she told me about you two. she told me everything,” i heard myself say and it was an instant relief as they came out. it was real. she was real. he continued to stare at me, “she told me when she asked me for help on your christmas gift.” i took a moment and decided to push the knife harder into him, “but don’t worry- i didn’t tell her about you and me. even though it was her that took you from me," i spat back to him.
he continued to stare. not even a slip in his attitude. i couldn’t read him.
slowly, he turned, staring at me and moving out of the bathroom. i immediately closed the door, but heard his voice. “i need a napkin.” i reached out and tossed the paper out of the door and then he handed it back.
then it was silent. he was gone and i was left alone.
surprisingly, i didn’t cry. my heart was beating thousand beats per minute and i felt like i was going to have a heart attack. this is where i would die. the gym bathroom floor, after seeing his stone cold face, after finding out that he was with another woman. 1 that i knew of. 3 others i suspected.
i sat there, pants around my ankles, in hopes to pee because i felt like i had to, but i couldn’t. the nerves wouldn’t ease up. i took a few more breaths, blew my nose, and looked at myself in the mirror.
then, once composed, i walked out of the bathroom with my head held high and acted like nothing happened. like his mere presence didn’t make me want to skin myself just to stop feeling like i was.
i laughed, cracked jokes, even laughed at his jokes, all while i died inside. i don’t know how i did it to this day. i did everything in my power to not be alone with him. to not be in the same air, to breathe his scent. he was good at knowing just how to talk himself out of this stuff, but this wasn’t liking a girl’s photo. this was another woman whom he was dating, publicly while he kept me a secret, telling her that he loved her, buying her presents like rings and designer bags. sleeping in his bed. the bed i slept in. sleeping on my pillow.
this was something else. while he didn’t break the loyalty i had to him, i broke something else inside of me. and it’s decayed and turned to dust, coating my inside until i’m nothing left but ash and sand. it felt like my heart was ripping itself to shreds so that i didn’t have to breathe his air anymore. i didn’t know how to breathe without him, though. i still don’t..
later, i was left alone with him and he looked at me and asked if i wanted to talk. i didn’t want to, but i knew we needed to. the longer things went unsaid, the worse it was going to be. and i loved my job and where i worked too much. to be around him.
“you have anything you want to say?” he asked, over and over, as i shrugged.
i had no words. “what is there to say? what do you want me to say? you want me to yell at you? call you an asshole?” i finally replied. “because i won’t. that’s not me.” he wasn’t going to turn this around on me. i wasn’t going to be labeled as another crazy girl. that was the thing with him. he craved the fight; he wanted me to fight back, to give him a reason to take his emotions out on me. when he was the one in the wrong. he was the cheater.
he was the joker, the traitor, the abuser.
we were silent for a minute until he broke it. “i’m confused and i’m sorry i wasn’t man enough to admit that to you. it was disrespectful. all of it.” i honestly can’t recall the whole conversation. i focused on his bloody knuckle from pushing the door, ignoring his excuses and his bullshit apologies. i'd heard it before -- when this girl first came into the picture. i'd heard it about the last girl and gotten kicked out of my house for three days.
so instead, i focused on the single tears that fell from the corner of his eyes, down his cheeks. i focused on the red rimmed eyes.
“you know i love you right. whenever i think of the future, it’s with you,” he told me. but did i actually know? did he actually mean what he was saying?
there’s a time in your life that you realize that you accept the love you think you deserve; he painted a pretty picture, one that i wanted to believe, but knew better. but the biggest lesson i’ve learned as i’ve grown older is that: you will lie to yourself for as long as you can to believe what you want to hear, see, believe. you will ignore every red flag, every lie, every yell, every slap until one day, like a rubber band under duress, you’ll break. and the world will crumble around you.
so do yourself a favor and listen to the gut feeling at the start. it'll save you a lot of heartache.
but that day in winter of 2017, all i could say was “i know”. i was shaking, watching him. he’d shake his head and look down, wiping his eyes with his shirt. he played his role perfectly, looking back on that moment. tugging at the strings that i had worn so obviously on my sleeve.
he looked down at his knuckle, to which i reached across to look at. he needed to wash it. “you need to wash that,” was all i could muster.
i had no idea what i was supposed to say in this instance. this was the man that i thought i would marry; this was the man that i had woken up countless times next to and snuggled back to sleep. the man that talked about trips and plans a year from now, talked about children. this man was doing the same for another woman, or women. saying the same things, doing the same things. there was nothing special about me. my biggest fear.
“what could i have done?” i asked him, holding my tears back. i wasn’t going to let him do this to me. “nothing,” he said, shaking his head, “you’re perfect.”
clearly, i wasn’t.
#toxic#toxic relationship#cptsd#ptsd#abusive ex#narclove#narc#npd#bpd#mental health#the aftermath of relationships ending#trauma bond
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memories.
i can still hear your laugh,
echoing throughout the empty
wooden house.
it was no longer a home;
such a foreign aspect to me now.
i sleep, sometimes, but
mostly, i think of you and
the way you said my name.
this exhausted tone,
one where in another world
you had the balls to leave me.
a mixture of relief and grief
waves over me.
i loved you,
but i hated you.
i think everyone knows
that dreadful feeling.
the one where your stomach
is made of iron,
an atomic bomb that
will explode and everything,
every thought you ever had
threatened to escape
because you teetered on the
edge of your seat of trust.
i miss your passion;
the way your eyes would fuck me
long before you’d touch me.
our love was toxic and we
both knew it.
we knew it from the moment we
locked eyes, cock inside me
while you were still with her…
like an addict, i miss that
back and forth.
i miss that ride or literal die love.
that ‘i have to kiss you or i’ll die’
type of love addiction.
even with the bruises and the excuses,
i miss your f ucking laugh.
i hate you, i f ucking hate you, so much.
i hate you for being a piece of shit,
i hate you for putting your hands on me.
i hate you for killing our child,
and i fucking hate that i still worry about you.
can you be addicted to a soul?
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