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silverflamedqueen · 1 year

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Stages of Regret ( Chapter 4)

After a disastrous Christmas party. Nesta Archeron decided to leave behind her old life, to start anew. Now a year and a half later. Her past has come back to haunt her.

Her mother had insisted that the success of any party relied on three key elements.

First and foremost was food. Any dish served must be delicious and memorable. Plated to perfection. The palette always remembered. As well as the eyes.

Next were the guests. All in attendance should be of appropriate status. Any riff-raff or social outcasts permitted entry, would only poison the event. Bringing about unfavorable gossip.

Then, finally, was the decor. It must speak for itself. Announcing the theme through colors and conversation pieces.

All three required meticulous tailoring. To complement the event at hand. Deviation of any kind would throw the entire gathering into chaos. Thus making a mockery of the host. Which in high Society, was considered a death sentence. Nesta had accepted the fact that Evie’s party was already chaos though. As it only met one out of three required elements. In all honesty. She wouldn't have it any other way. All the balls and parties she attended as a child were suffocating and cold. There was no personality to them, no coziness.

Nesta did not care about plating, never had. Thought it a waste of time. The food would be delicious and memorable though. Cubans and Scachatta were always crowd pleasers. Plus, with her daughter being the picky eater she was. Living off turkey, strawberries, and cheese alone some days. The cubans would provide most of that. The two cakes were made by the ones who made her favorite chocolate croissants. They jumped at the opportunity. It was family owned, and she knew they cared about their work. Any business Nesta could give them, she gladly would.

All the guests were quite literally all riff-raff, and social outcasts. Not one of them held any high standing in society. Emerie’s family hated her for not selling them the shop her father owned. Thought her being a woman made her less capable to run it. She was seen as a pariah. Gwyn was agoraphobic. For good reason too. The only time she left their building was to be at the hospital with Nesta. When she gave birth. Though, even then she only stayed a few hours after. Cassian grew up in poverty. After his father abandoned him and his mother. Azriel’s father was somewhat of high standing. But, cared very little for his son. As he was born out of wedlock. He was a bastard. Just as Cassian was. Society frowned upon that title still.

Then there was herself. An ex socialite that had been raised by a narcissistic mother, and grandmother. As well as an absent father. Who turned his head at the abuse his wife and mother in law inflicted on his children. After they lost their money the Archerons were cast aside. Mocked by those they once thought friends.

Finally, there was the decor. It more than announced the theme. It screamed it, very loudly. Nesta’s neutral color scheme of cobalt and silver had been smothered beneath the pink invasion Evie insisted upon. They didn't stand a chance against the Candy Pink streamers that adorned every wall. They lost any will to fight when she and Gwyn hung the sparkling Magenta lanterns from the ceiling. Getting popcorn ceiling in her eye just added insult to injury. They’d been put six feet under with every Fucia, Cherry Blossom, and ballet slipper balloon set tied to any, and every surface of the apartment. The decor announced the theme alright. Anyone who walked in would have no doubt in their mind. That this was a Pink Party.

Nesta blamed Cassian for the excess decor, as well as the varying shades. It had been his grand idea to let Evie pick out her own decorations. Nesta found herself unable to say no. When her daughter seemed to be a fan of the idea. So out the window went Nesta’s plan to keep it one organized color.

Aisle after aisle, their cart had filled up. Cassian joked that her eye twitch had returned with a vengeance at one point. He laughed when she swatted his arm. It was evident that his favorite game still remained Let’s piss Nesta off.

If it was pink, Evie wanted it. If it was within her line of sight and pink. Evie really wanted it. If she could grab it, and it was pink, Evie already had it in her hands.

When they finally had all the supplies they needed. Plenty they didn’t need too. Including a mini sequin chandelier. That Cassian had pointed out. The same one that her daughter currently refused to let her hang. According to her, it made a much better centerpiece. So on the table, it sat. Looking like a bedazzled jellyfish. Out of place, and casting rainbows along the walls.

Cassian had gushed about the party to the cashier when asked if they found everything alright. The young woman behind the till had shown more interest in him. Then any of the words he was saying though. The blush that had crept up the woman’s cheeks had only spread as Cassian continued. Multiple barcodes were missed. Including one, mini sequin chandelier. When Cassian pointed this out. The woman had simply stated that it was on the house. Still, Cassian insisted on paying for them. Nesta could’ve sworn she’d heard the words lucky bitch whispered as they left. But only met a friendly smile when she turned around.

He struck again with the idea of letting Evie pick her birthday outfit. Even if Nesta had a problem with it, which she hadn’t. She wouldn’t have had a choice in the matter. As the second Evie pulled the awful mess of fluff from the rack that Cassian got close to. That was it. Attempting to separate the two ended in screaming. When Nesta pulled off the tag to pay for the god awful thing. Because she nor Cassian could pry, or sweet talk the dress from their daughter’s hands. That also resulted in screaming.

Unshockingly, Cassian took his daughter becoming a pterodactyl in stride. Evie had no doubt inherited Nesta’s fire. But, just as he knew how to quell the fire within herself. Cassian did so with their daughters as well. It amazed Nesta how he could temper those flames. Yet, not extinguish them. It was as if he liked the burn, embraced it even. He was nothing short of masochistic. Nesta was certain of this.

When three loud knocks sounded on her door. Evie, who sat playing with her toys turned towards the noise, then looked at Nesta expectantly. Nesta felt the smile bloom on her face. Her voice took on a light and playful tone. One she reserved only for Evie.

“ Is that Daddy and Uncle Az?” Cassian had texted a few minutes prior. Letting her know he and Azriel were close. Following Nesta’s lead. Evie dropped her toys, now making her way toward the door. Nesta chuckled at the disgruntled wail that echoed behind her. “Well, come on then.”

In the very short amount of time Evie had spent with Cassian. She seemed to realize he was her father. Nesta couldn’t place how she knew this. Maybe it was mothers intuition. If that was even a real thing.

Evie wanted to be in his space, just as she wanted to be in Nesta’s. In fact, she demanded it, forcing herself into his presence at every opportunity. The way she plucked the phone out of his hand a few days ago. Discarding it onto the floor. Still made Nesta laugh. In Evie’s opinion, it had been taking up too much of his time. A whole ten seconds had passed, and he still hadn’t picked her up. It was blasphemy.

Nesta would never forget returning home one morning. To find Evie sound asleep on Cassian’s naked chest. Who had dozed off himself. His hand gently holding their daughter to him. She’d found one of her baby books opened on the kitchen table. Opened to a page explaining skin to skin contact. She had watched as her daughter rose and fell with Cassian’s breathing. The sight made her heart happy. Nesta may have watched for a few more seconds before taking Evie to her crib and placing a warmer blanket over Cassian.

Upon opening the door. That sweet image so fresh in her mind was replaced with another image. A much brighter, obnoxious one. Nesta fought to control her facial muscles, from conveying her innermost thoughts. A battle she won. As she eyed the two men standing in front of her.

Both Cassian and Azriel wore the same button-up shirt. Its shade of pink so bright. It was best described as a neon highlighter. You could easily direct traffic with it. The only difference was the dark blue jeans Cassian had paired his with and the black jeans Azriel had chosen.

Azriel hadn't changed much. His hair was a bit longer than she remembered. Its ends curling outward a bit. That air of mystery still hung about him though. It clung to him like a shadow. His expression was damn near unreadable. It always had been. Nesta learned quickly that Azriel’s true feelings only showed if he wanted them to. The bags he held indicated he’d been assigned gift duty. Cassian stood there smiling over the platters she’d asked him to pick up. The cakes from the bakery also balanced in his arms.

“You two look,” Nesta paused, trying to find the right word. “Noticeable. Are you going for twinsies?” She moved aside to allow them entry.

Cassian entered first. Making his way toward the kitchen. “ Watch out, goblin underfoot.” Nesta announced. Azriel cocked his head at the outburst. No doubt confused at the statement. Cassian simply halted and scanned the area. Grinning when he caught sight of Evie.“ Hey, Birthday girl. Give Daddy one second.” She sped up her pace. Which gave him half a second at most.

Nesta watched as Azriel observed the scene. Cassian had told her that Azriel was ecstatic to be an uncle. Even if he didn’t have the most expressive way of showing it. Azriel turned, catching Nesta. He gave her a small smile. One she returned. A smile was a good start.

“ I was told my attire would be taken care of. I shouldn’t have trusted him.” He nodded to Cassian, who scoffed a laugh.

“ Pink is Pink Az, deal with it. Besides, It’s not your day”

Azriel motioned to Nesta.” Her pink isn’t blinding in the least. Tell me, Nesta, are there spots in your vision yet?” Her dusty Pink off-shoulder top gave a sweet and demure feel. It may have felt out of place for her. But, It sure as hell was better than whatever monstrosity Cassian and Azriel had on.

Cassian ignored him as he began positioning the platters near the drinks, and other various snacks she’d put out. As he did. A flash of Pink caught Nesta’s eye. “ Is that a ribbon in your hair?” she questioned. Try as she might, she couldn’t fully suppress the giggle that fought to escape. There, wrapped around his bun was a ribbon. A sparkly pink, ribbon.

Cassian turned around, his smile beaming. Unabashed, and unafraid he spoke. “ It is. You said it was a Pink party right?”. He bent to pick up Evie. Who impatiently had begun pulling at his shoelaces. She giggled when he peppered her cheek with kisses. Basking in the affection she loved so much.

Azriel’s gaze snagged on the little girl once again. This time, his expression was nothing short of adoration.“ He saw it in the window of the boutique downstairs.” So it was a new addition. Not one that would last long though if Evie caught sight of it.

When he finished in the kitchen. Cassian made his way to where Nesta and Azriel stood. “ I think some introductions are in order. Az, this is Evie, your niece.” He pointed to Azriel. “ Evie, this is your Uncle Az.”

Azriel gave the appearance of someone unaware of what to do. He watched as Evie took him in. She paid special attention to his face and eyes. Recognizing them as her own. As well as Cassian’s.

After a moment Azriel dipped a low bow. “ She’s even more beautiful in person.”

Within seconds, Evie was careening out of Cassian’s grip. Half of her body had fallen before Cassian caught her. Quickly pulling her back to safety. Both she and Azriel had moved forward ready to catch her. Evie, though, appeared unbothered. As she thrust her arms out toward Azriel. The rest of her body now being held back.

Azriel looked petrified. It was almost comical. Big shot private detective, scared of a baby. Nesta wondered if he ever held a baby before. He probably hadn’t, which would make his trepidation understandable. Even she was afraid to hold her own baby that first day. So afraid of breaking her somehow. So she did what Emerie and Gwyn did for her. Nesta gave him a little push. “She wants you to hold her.” She whispered. Placing her hand on his back and ushering him forward. Closer to where Cassian and Evie stood. And he let her, didn’t fight in the slightest.

Azriel had fully frozen in place. When Cassian transferred Evie to him. Evie, on the other hand. Made herself right at home. For a good few seconds, she stared at his face again. This time due to a closer proximity. Her hand gently touched his nose, and under his eyes. Azriel in turn seemed to take her In too.

An easy silence had fallen over the room. Both herself and Cassian just watched the tender exchange. Evie soon started tugging lightly on the fabric of his shirt, comparing it to her own dress. The sight was bittersweet for Nesta. Evie was officially no longer just hers or Cassian’s. Soon her family would grow even larger. From the looks of it. She didn’t mind it.

Azriel took in the pink iridescent fabric of Evie’s dress. His eyebrow arched. He looked to Nesta. “ And you thought we were an eyesore?” He teased. His posture becoming more relaxed by the second. Nesta threw him a smirk. “ You still are. She’s just a cuter one.” He chuckled, “ You got me there.” Cassian nodded in agreement. His mouth full of a cuban he swiped from the kitchen.

It was at that moment Nesta noticed something. Azriel wasn’t wearing his gloves. He’d always worn them to cover the scars that marred his hands. Results of a cruel prank his half-brothers had played on him in his childhood. Only around his friends and family did he discard them. Their absence was most likely due to Cassian and Evie. His smiles weren’t truly meant for her. But, for them. She just knew it. So she would play along.

“ Where’d the little bit from the bottom go?” Cassian asked, as he too examined Evie’s dress.

Nesta thought about the dark pink tulle she had cut off an hour earlier. Good riddance. “ Your daughter kept trying to eat the rhinestones on it.”

“You mean our daughter.” Cassian shot back.

Nesta crossed her arms. Shifting her weight to one side. “ No, I mean your daughter. That was a Cassian move.”

“ I think even baby Nesta Archeron tried to eat things she shouldn’t have. Don’t you agree Az?”

Nesta turned to Azriel. Who now looked between her and Cassian. But, Before he could respond. The front door swung open. Gwyn and Emerie had arrived. Azriel let out an audible breath as she made her way between the two men.

Emerie stepped in wearing a simple pink tank top and jeans. Gwyn, on the other hand, wore a black long-sleeved blouse, paired with a flowing pink skirt. Stopping just short of her ankles. Nesta eyed Gwyn. “ The fifties called. They want their outfit back.”

Emerie snorted at this. Gwyn let out a laugh “ They’ll have to fight me for it.”

Gwyn’s laugh rang through the apartment. It reminded Nesta of a windchime, whimsical, and delicate. A deception if you asked her. Gwyn held her own exceedingly well. If Nesta was a wolf, then Gwyn was a Honey Badger.

“ Hey, how about you bring that party over here?” Cassian shouted from behind her. He’d been keen on meeting the two girls who Nesta considered sisters. The girls gladly obliged. Each pressing a kiss to her cheek as they passed.

Emerie reached Evie first. Throwing a wink in Gwyn’s direction. Who had been nudged out of the way. “Happy Birthday! You look radiant today.”

“ She looks radiant everyday, Em.” Gwyn cut in. Both now crowding around Azriel. Whose presence they didn’t seem to notice. Though, he definitely noticed theirs. Looked at them like sharks circling their prey. Which at this moment Nesta could understand.“ You always look so cute” Gwyn said affectionately. Tickling Evie’s stomach. Cassian seemed to find this whole exchange hilarious. As his grin widened more and more by the second.“ I’m going to assume you’re Gwyn and Emerie then?”

Nesta cleared her throat. “So, the man holding your target is Azriel. Next to him. Is his brother Cassian.” Both girls stopped, and looked between the men. Their eyes slightly widening at the sheer brightness of them. Of course they hadn’t noticed them.

Gwyn was the first to move. Positioning herself sideways between the two men. She thrust both hands out, palms open. Ready to receive handshakes. “ Hi, I’m Gwyn, Nesta’s friend. I’ve heard so much about both of you. ”

Without hesitation, Cassian reached out and shook her hand. Which ended up shaking Gwyn too. “Pleasure to meet you. Hopefully, you’ve heard all good things. ” Gwyn shrugged, a secret smile playing on her lips. She next turned her attention to Azriel who had yet to move. Whether it be out of fear, or awkwardness. Gwyn’s eyes twinkled. Nesta could see the gears turning. “ Are you more of a high-five kind of guy?” She asked, raising her hand to a vertical position. Evie babbled at Azriel. Pointing to Gwyn. Almost urging him to reciprocate.

After a few moments, Azriel extended his free hand to meet Gwyn’s “ Handshakes are just fine. It’s Nice to meet you.”

“ Always so dramatic, Hi, I’m Emerie.” Reaching out she shook both men’s hands “ It’s nice to meet the faces behind the names.”

After pleasantries were exchanged. Cassian expedited the food portion. Just as Nesta had assumed, he had snuck a few scachatta on the way over. A fact he didn’t bother denying. Stating he needed a power snack. Evie had taken to lap hoping. Each time taking a piece of cheese, or turkey from her victim’s cuban. Juice and water were also free for all. What's theirs was hers. Poor Azriel had the entirety of his cuban taken. No one griped at the loss though. There was plenty to go around. Nesta had planned for this situation.

Cassian told the story of the shirts. How Azriel had gone out to find some and failed. Which led to him coming across the ones they currently wore.

Cassian as usual brought laughter into the room. Her friends had found his stories funny. Neither he or Azriel brought up the Inner Circle. Maybe it was for her benefit, or just because they wouldn’t fit in this context. Whatever the reason was. It didn’t matter. Nesta was grateful.

The worry Nesta felt had slowly started to dissipate as the evening progressed. Everyone seemed to be getting along fine. Gwyn had finally pulled out her polaroid camera. Taking pictures of anything she thought needed documenting. Including, but not limited to Evie yanking down on Emeries braid, Azriel getting food stolen from his own hand, and Cassian attempting to hang the little chandelier on the table, against the warnings. As time passed though. Evie started to fuss. Her toys no longer amused her, nor did sitting on anyone’s lap. A clear indication that it was time for cake.

Evie’s cake was small. Very simple in design. Pink of course. Nesta had even asked to add edible glitter to the frosting in an attempt to pull attention to it. A ploy that paid off. Her daughter was entranced. Watched it like a dragon would its treasures.

Nesta had learned from her co workers That parents would get their children small personal cakes. That solely existed to get ruined. A foreign concept to her. In no world would her parents have ever allowed such a thing. Paying for something. Just to be destroyed would’ve been seen as frivolous.

From the pictures she’d been shown. It seemed like a fun thing to do. She wanted to see Evie smile like that. So while the adults got their own cake. Evie was given her very own too.

Unfortunately, between the singing, and the sparkling pastry in front of her. Evie seemed more confused than anything. She had shown mild curiosity with the candle, and the flame that had danced on top of it. Then looked offended when Cassian had blown it out for her. At this moment Nesta didn’t know what to do.

Lucky for her, Cassian seemed to know exactly what needed to happen. Like a warrior walking into battle. He approached the high chair. The ribbon in his hair bouncing slightly as he moved. The little girl’s eyes followed his every step.

“ Let me show you this is done.” Cassian said, now behind Evie. Grabbing both her hands he positioned them above the cake.

Nesta had begun to move forward to join them. She found herself wanting to be a part of it. But stopped, when Cassian’s head snapped up. He meet her stare, then motioned her over to him.

She remained still. Now fearing that she would somehow mess it up.

Yet again, Cassian motioned her forward. This time, a taunt followed. “ You gonna let me have all the fun? Or are you too afraid of getting a little messy?” His grin was feral. It hit exactly where he wanted it to. So Nesta straightened herself and waltzed over. Her eyes never leaving Cassian’s. Those hazel eyes lit a fire in her. “ I knew that would get you over here.” he whispered next to her. Arrogant.

Both she and Cassian took a hand. Then Shoved their daughter’s hands into the cake on the count of three. Which, turned out, was all it took to get the ball rolling. Evie took one more second to stare before plunging into it again. Pushing, and pulling until its structure came apart. She marveled at her work. Nibbling at the cake between her fingers. She giggled as she watched the cake fall, completely defeated.

Nesta laughed with her. Licking off the icing that had grazed her fingers. She looked to Cassian. Surely he to beamed at the fierce little monster they created. But, instead, she found him looking at her. The world around them disappeared. Only she, Evie, and Cassian existed right now. Something deep within her mourned what could’ve been.

Everything came back when the sound of a polaroid clicked. Gwyn would capture this moment. Nesta wondered what the picture looked like. Anyone who saw it, would never know they weren’t a happy family.

Naturally, after the cake was gifts. Unlike before, there was no hesitation. Any paper in sight didn’t last long. Before it was mauled to shreds. Next to her, Evie kept the paper in a pile. Trophies, Nesta had assumed. Anyone who touched them received a stern look. Cassian named it her "Nesta is definitely my mom" look.

Azriel had given Evie a small playable piano, pink of course. Its attached seat was lined with soft fabric. Cassian had followed suit and decided that she needed a small drumset. To go with the piano. Neither of the instrument’s batteries were removable. Much to Nesta’s chagrin.

Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn’s gifts were a bit more on the practical side. The pink wagon Evie mournfully cried for whenever they went on walks. Now sat in front of her. The seat inside it was currently occupied by the large stuffed pegasus from Gwyn. The colorful storybooks from Emerie sat further down. The new books also made Nesta happy. The same four books she read day in and day out to her daughter. Had lost their appeal two months ago. Some fresh material was due.

The party had fully died down soon after. Inside, Evie sat behind the small piano. Pressing random keys. Cassian was next to her on the drums. The groupies, Gwyn and Emerie sat in front of them on the couch clapping. Quite pleased with the concert. Nesta smiled for what felt like the hundredth time that day. She couldn’t keep them away.

Azriel insisted on gathering the trash. Holding the bag in his hand out of reach whenever Nesta tried to grab it. He then blocked her way to the kitchen when he started cleaning up the dishes.

Eventually, she had given up and retreated to the balcony. Watching the traffic below somehow helped her wind down. Something about the lights blending together relaxed her. Ever since she was a kid it had given her a sense of peace.

The door behind her slid open, and shut.

“ Getting some fresh air?” Azriel asked as he leaned next to her. His hands hanging over the railing. The jagged scars that ran across them stood out beneath the city lights. She nodded, “yeah, you?”

He shrugged, “ Partly, I also wanted to talk to you. Figured one on one would be best.” Her blood ran cold. Now would be the moment he told her. That any niceties had been for Evie and Cassian’s sake. Pushing her fear down all day had been like a constant game of whack a mole.

“ You’re not wearing your gloves.” She noted, wanting one last neutral interaction.

Azriel chuckled beside her. “ I see you’re as observant as ever. I was waiting for you to ask. Saw you notice it earlier. Do you know why I’m not wearing them?” His voice felt like a blanket fresh out the dryer. Warm, and welcoming. She didn’t understand. Why wasn’t he telling her how horrible she was? Where was the anger? Nesta’s insides churned. Something was amiss. It had to be.

She shrugged “ You forgot them at home?” Azriel shook his head. “ You’re smarter than that, c’mon think harder.”

“Because of Cassian and Evie. I mean they’re your family.”

A new emotion crossed Azriels face. One she hadn’t seen in a long time. Pain. “ Nesta, do you think I hate you?” Her silence was a confirmation. He sighed,

“ I don’t hate you. But, I don’t agree with how things played out.” His tone was gentle.“ However, there was wrong on both sides. Your and Cass’s relationship was disrespected. Just as you were disrespected. That never should’ve happened. I understand why you left. I just thought you’d be back in a few days. Everyone was worried.”

“ Everyone?” Nesta questioned. “ I find that hard to believe.”

After thinking for a second. Azriel corrected his statement. “ Mostly everyone, It’s true, some were far less concerned about your absence.” She didn’t need to ask who.

A feeling of relief washed over Nesta as he spoke though. He didn’t hate her. Even after what she had done. He didn’t hate her. The words that left her mouth next shocked her. “ After Evie was born. I mustered up the courage to show up at the building. I fully intended to tell Cassian. But, then I saw Rhys, and I ran.” Azriel became quiet, contemplative.

“ I know”.

She turned quick enough to give herself whiplash. “ How could you know that?” her voice shook. There was only one way he could know that.

“ It wasn’t Rhys you saw in the hallway, Nesta.”

His words hit her like a train. “ By the time I caught up. You were already in your car. I figured you’d be back another day this time.” But, she wasn’t.

She gripped the railing tighter. “ I've made such a mess haven't I?” Azriel nodded.

“ You have. But, again, You didn't make it alone. It can’t be cleaned up alone either.”

In a rare moment, Azriel reached for her hand. His grip was warm and comforting. “ You have people on your side. That want to help you work through this. You have me, and Cassian. But, if you allow them in. You’d also have Feyre, and Elain. They still miss you. Also, as strange as this sounds. Rhysand is in your corner too.” Nesta laughed, pulling her hand away.“ You had me until that last one.” She turned to go inside. When his hand caught her arm. Pulling her back.

“ I’m being serious. I wouldn’t lie to you. A lot has happened since you left.” His words rang true. But, that truth could’ve been anything. Nesta leaned more to it being his perceived truth.

“ I’ll have to see it for myself.” His hand fell from her arm. “ That’s all I can ask for.”

@thesillyyogourt @tenaciousdiplomatloverprune @melphss @wolfnesta @wildflowernightmere @sv0430 @champanheandluxxury @my-fan-side @wintersnowqueen @jmoonjones @sannelovesreading @katenrome @cordeliaandnestastan @wishfulimaginings

#nessian fic #nessian #nessian baby #azriel shadowsinger #gwyneth berdara #emerie of illyria #nesta archeron #nesta x cassian #pro nesta #acotar #cassian acotar

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darklove9314-blog · 5 months

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Chapters: 81/95 Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Nesta Archeron/Cassian, Nesta Archeron & Cassian, Elain Archeron/Lucien Vanserra, Azriel/Gwyneth Berdara, Emerie/Morrigan (ACoTaR), Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Elain Archeron & Feyre Archeron & Nesta Archeron, Nesta Archeron & Gwyneth Berdara & Emerie, Nyx/Original Tamlin Child(ren) (A Court of Thorns and Roses) Characters: Nesta Archeron, Cassian (ACoTaR), Elain Archeron, Feyre Archeron, Azriel (ACoTaR), Rhysand (ACoTaR), Morrigan (ACoTaR), Emerie (ACoTaR), Gwyneth Berdara, Amren (ACoTaR), Nyx (ACoTaR), Original Nesta Archeron/Cassian Child(ren), Original Characters, Lucien Vanserra, Tamlin, Original Tamlin Child(ren) (A Court of Thorns and Roses), Original Elain Archeron/Lucien Vanserra Child(ren), Original Azriel Child(ren) (A Court of Thorns and Roses) Additional Tags: Pregnancy, Family, Relationship(s), Mating Bond, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Parenthood, Next-Gen Summary:

Set two years after the events of A Court of Silver Flames, Nesta and Cassian start their next big journey together. (Please don't read if you don't want to be spoiled for A Court of Silver Flames.)

@nestable

@readthelastpaage

@amelie775

@lavendergoomsltd

@sv0430

@flora-shadowshine

@autumnbabylon

@teagoddess99

@18moneytoad

@my-fan-side

@champanheandluxxury

@jungtaekwoonie-is-life

@thatsowlmazing

@lysakirova

@swankii-art-teacher

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azrielover · 2 years

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quick sketch of harwin from house of the dragon as cassian from last weeks episode ♥️♥️

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imagine him saying something like

“you did it nes”

like omg ahhh I’m obsessed

#harwin strong #harwin x cassian #cassian acotar #nessian #nessian baby #house of the dragon #acotar next gen #acotar #azriel lover <3

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violet-shadows · 2 years

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Measuring up.

Part One | Part Two by @thehaemanthus | Part Three by @TBA

ACOTAR Writing Circle Masterlist | My Masterlist

Summary: Cassian and Nesta are haunted by ghosts from their less than ideal childhoods, but despite their fears, neither can get the idea of parenthood out of their head.

Word Count: 2.2k

Pairing: Cassian x Nesta

Warnings: discussion of childhood trauma and the decision to become a parent

A/N: This fic is part of @azrielshadowssing ‘s ACOTAR Writing Circle and will be continued by different writers in the circle. The masterlist for all of the works in this collection can be found here. Thank you to J for coming up with and facilitating this fun idea and to the other authors participating. I can’t wait to read everyone’s work.

⊱ —————— ❈ —————— ⊰

In his heart of hearts, Cassian had always seen children as a way to rewrite the past. The injustices of Cassian’s childhood brought a hollow feeling to his chest when he called them to mind, even centuries after the fact. Most of the time, Cassian thought the wounds of his early years were long healed, but every once in a while, a perfect storm would stir the familiar ache, like the twinge of a bone that didn’t heal quite right. During those moments of weakness, when the grief of his stolen youth weighed heavy, Cassian would cling to one of the few dreams he allowed himself to have: the dream of a family.

He would give his children the life he didn’t have and shelter them from the cruelty he was born into. He would protect them, love them, and care for them the way he had yearned for as a child, huddled alone among the dilapidated tents where bastards like him were relegated. The thought of doing right by his children eased the knot in his chest when it tightened, but Cassian was no fool. He knew that the possibility that he might sire a child, let alone children, was farfetched. His lifestyle didn’t lend itself to raising a family and few females were keen on settling down with the bastard Lord of Bloodshed. Much less, Illyrian females whose bodies could accommodate winged offspring. So he tried not to get his hopes up, tried not to think about a far-off future where he might teach his daughter how to wield a blade or his son how to fly.

Until he met Nesta.

In the early years, when war and ruin were ever looming and Nesta navigated the upheaval of her entire life, the thought of children was kept at bay. Cassian’s mind was absorbed, then, with the here and now. With his attention honed on his mate, his family, and his court, he hardly thought of the past, let alone the distant future. Even when he learned of his High Lady’s pregnancy, the idea of a child seemed more far-fetched than ever. It wasn’t until the night of Nyx’s birth, when Nesta held their nephew in her arms after giving so much of herself for him, for her family, that old desires stirred in Cassian. When she disclosed the details of her bargain, of the part of the agreement that made children a possibility for the pair, Cassian didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or cry. It was far too soon, they both knew that, but it was far closer to Cassian’s dream than he had ever ventured.

As Nesta’s walls came down, Cassian began to realize that he was not the only one with complicated feelings regarding his childhood. While Nesta’s early upbringing was far more privileged, her mother has been the antithesis of his. Where Cassian had known the warmth of maternal love before it was ripped away from him, Nesta had been the recipient of cold indifference interspersed with downright cruelty from her own mother. The truth of it came out in little snippets, stories told in passing painted a picture of a vicious matriarch intent on molding her firstborn into the perfect pawn. Nesta, to her credit, seemed relatively unphased by her experience with her mother, insisting that it, like many things, was a hurt that belonged in the past. The few times he had brought it up, she brushed off the darkness of her childhood with such ease that even he was fooled into thinking it was a wound long healed. Perhaps that was Cassian’s greatest flaw: his willingness to believe in pretty lies when the truth was too painful.

When he watched Nesta interact with their nephew, however, it was hard to believe she hadn’t had a good role model in her youth. While many people would coo in reply Nyx’s baby talk, Nesta would smile affectionately and reply in full sentences, as if engaging with an adult instead of a toddler babbling nonsense. Long before the child was putting together anything coherent, the two would chatter and laugh like old friends, absorbed in one another’s companionship. It was no surprise, then, when Nyx’s first full sentence was directed at his Aunt Nesta, or rather “Nest”, as he had taken to calling her.

“Auntie Nest, I missed you!” He greeted her enthusiastically one afternoon, toddling across the foyer of the River House with a grin plastered on his face. He had only just recently mastered running without letting his wings catch the air and drag him backward. Feyre and Rhys followed close behind, brimming with pride as Nesta swept the tot into her arms. With all eyes glued on Nyx, only Cassian caught how her eyes shined with tears when she greeted her nephew, a heartbreakingly soft smile on her face.

“Hello, Little One. How are you this afternoon?”. Cassian knew for certain then, that he needn’t worry about his mate if they were to ever become parents. No, Nesta would make for a fantastic mother, and it was him who would need to measure up. As much as Cassian wanted children, and as pure as his intentions were, the thought of fatherhood still frightened him. The closest he had ever come to having a father figure was perhaps a few of the Illyrian warriors that trained him, and the thought of being a father like that made him shudder.

Rhys had voiced some of the same concerns shortly after Nyx was born, admitting that he feared he would fall into those habits as his son aged. Rhys was nothing like the brutal Camp Lords they’d grown up around, though, and neither Cassian nor Azriel had any doubt in his ability to be a wonderful father. His faith in his brother was only strengthened as Nyx grew, the bond between father and son, unlike anything they had witnessed growing up. When he watched the pair, Cassian was at times struck by their similarities and Cassian wondered if perhaps he, too, shared traits with his own father. He knew very little of the male that sired him, just enough to understand he was rotten to the core. In his darker moments, when his temper flared or his hands were stained with the blood of his enemies, Cassian wondered if he inherited the seed of evil that had festered in his father. Still, even plagued by fears of inadequacy, nothing could dull the yearning within him to have a family with Nesta. When the time came, he would strike a bargain with his brothers to kill him before he ever hurt his children, then do everything in his power to ensure it was never called in.

His growing confidence in Nesta’s ability to be an amazing mother helped to quell some of his fears around parenthood and as time went on, Cassian found himself biting his tongue to keep from bringing up the topic of a baby. After all the turmoil Nesta endured, he would follow her lead on the subject.

⊱ —————— ❈ —————— ⊰

Nesta was in awe of her sister. Like her, Feyre did not have a good mother figure to emulate, yet she took to parenting like a duck to water. Nesta supposed she shouldn’t be surprised, as her youngest sister had always been the most adaptable of the three, able to learn and flex quickly to new situations. She envied that in her sister, at times resenting her own rigidity. When she watched her sister and nephew, she marveled at Feyre’s ability to be a mother with so little guidance. Most of the time, the thought of her sister’s journey into motherhood filled her heart with pride, but at times, a bitter fear of her own accompanied the observation.

She hadn’t realized that she truly wanted children until halfway through her bargain with the Cauldron when she added that final adjustment to the deal, allowing her to birth an Illyrian infant if the time came. Nesta had always figured she would have children. After all, what good was a bride that didn’t produce an heir? Her mother had drilled into her that baring a child, preferably a son, for her husband was one of her life’s greater purposes. She had never much considered whether she actually wanted that until she was dunked in the Cauldron and her life plans were ripped away in an instant. Since becoming High Fae, she had largely deferred contemplating the choice, focusing on matters at hand rather than questions about a distant and uncertain future. The night Nyx was born, however, she saw the light in Feyre’s eyes as she looked at her son, and, for a brief moment, she could picture that for herself. A babe with dark hair and grey eyes, sporting delicate Illyrian wings.

She wanted a child. She wanted Cassian’s child.

Once she began to picture a future with Cassian, she was hard-pressed to stop herself. When she watched her nephew toddle around, wings flared behind him as he worked to find his balance, she pictured her own child learning to walk with Cassian as their teacher. When she began to make changes to the House of Wind, she found herself planning a nursery in the room closest to hers and Cassian’s. The fantasy in her head was a pretty picture, but still, she could not bring herself to mention it to her mate. She knew Cassian wanted children, she saw it in his eyes the night Nyx was born when she told him about the details of her deal with the Cauldron. She saw it again when he held their nephew, a warm smile and wistful look in his eyes that he probably thought she didn’t notice. Her mate would be an excellent father, of that she was sure. Cassian was not perfect, but he was warm and caring and fiercely protective of his own. Unlike Nesta’s father, Cassian would kill and die before he let his family starve or suffer.

Cassian would make an excellent father, of that she was certain. It was her ability to be a mother that had her nervous. She would never admit it, but even years after her death, the cold bite of her mother’s voice still echoed in the back of Nesta’s head.

‘Shoulder’s back, no man wants to marry a hunchback.’

‘Change your dress, you look like a harlot.’

‘No young woman of proper breeding speaks like that. Hush, child.’

Even as an adult, now so far removed from that world that it sometimes felt like a distant dream, her mother’s words still stung. Nesta had inherited that same sharp tongue and quick temper and it had driven her to act in ways she had come to regret. Despite her hard edges, the idea of a child, of her child, growing up and hearing her harsh words in their mind was sickening. No matter how much she or Cassian wanted it, would it be right to risk repeating the mistakes of her mother?

On good days, Nesta thought that maybe she could do it. Perhaps, alongside Cassian, she could let go of her upbringing and learn to be a good mother. Other days, though, when her temper flared and the darkness that dwelled within her came out, she was certain that she could not rise to the occasion. It was those days that she spiraled, her head a mess of self-loathing and fear. Would Cassian resent her if she didn’t give him a child? Would she ever be able to explain why she couldn’t take the risk? Would she ever get over the longing she felt when she watched children play in the streets of Velaris?

Shortly after Nyx’s third birthday, Nesta’s fears and thoughts about parenthood were beginning to come to her mind more often. Prythian had entered into a period of peace, and with war and destruction no longer looming, many couples were beginning to consider settling. Cassian could tell that something was bothering her, but no matter how he pressed, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him. They were content, happy even, and the subject of children had to potential to blow it all up. After several weeks of mulling it over, however, Nesta could not long keep her turmoil from her mate. It was late at night, tangled in the sheets together, that the truth of what was bothering her came tumbling out.

“Cassian?” She asked quietly, not daring to look up from where her head rested on his bare chest.

“Hmmm?” Cassian hummed, his eyes still shut as he basked in post-coital bliss.

“You asked, the other night, what had been bothering me…” The graveness of her tone caught his attention and he shifted, his eyes on her face. She kept her own gaze fixed on the wall as she steeled herself to make the confession. “I want… I want to have a baby.”

Then, Nesta burst into tears.

⊱ —————— ❈ —————— ⊰

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#acotarwritingcircle #acotar fanfiction #nessian #nessian fanfiction #nessian fanfic #nessian baby

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nessiandaily · 1 year

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The Nessian Twins

artist: celestial.kingdomsart [instagram]

#nesta archeron #cassian #nessian #acosf #a court of silver flames #art #mypost #nessian baby

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zinniax · 2 years

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Credit ig@romannaboch

#her blue eyes and his dark hair #ahhh I love this so much #nessian #nessian baby #nesta archeron #cassian acosf #nesta acosf #acosf

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highladyofyourmom · 2 years

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Nessian Headcanon

Imagine if Cass and Nesta have a baby daughter and Tarquin lets Cass bring her ONCE if Nes promises to stay with him. Little does edgy summer kiddo know, the girl has her dad's "charm" and shatters four tables and accidentally releases the royal stallions all over Adriata.

(Cass would genuinely beg Nesta to name the girl after Rhys' mom and she would kiss him and tell him she would gladly name their girl after the female that brought up her mate)

#acotar #acosf #nessian #cassian #nesta #nessian baby #daughter #headcanon

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sayosdreams · 2 years

Text

Sand and Stardust - Chapter 20

Word Count: 4354

Chapter Index

ACOTAR Masterlist

__________

Warning: Panic Attack

__________

Lucien inhaled sharply. “I’m not your uncle, Khoniya.”

The room was still noisy, filled with patrons drinking and dancing, but their corner of the room was filled with a tense silence. Khoniya’s eyes seemed to be glowing softly as she stared at Lucien.

“Yes, you are,” she replied, her voice quiet but resolute.

Lucien shook his head. “I don’t deserve that title.”

“Yes, you do. What happened was awful and tragic, but it wasn’t your fault.”

His face made a pained expression. “Except, it was my fault.”

“No. She knew the consequences and dangers that came with being with you, but she chose you anyway. You did your best to keep her safe and make her happy, and most importantly, you loved her. So no, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Khoniya, you can’t deny that she wouldn’t have died if it weren’t for me,” he replied, his voice tired.

Khoniya tilted her head. “No, but she chose to live a full life filled with love and joy despite the dangers instead of a long, safer, monotonous one. To say that you’re to blame is to discount her choices. She chose love over safety. She knew what she was doing, and I think that she’d do it all again even if she knew what would happen.”

“I thought…” Lucien cleared his throat. “I thought you would hate me. I thought your family would want me dead for what I d— I mean, for what happened.”

She sighed. “I don’t know what they think. Some of them probably blame you, but that’s because they need someone to blame. It’s tough to blame the High Lord when you have to keep supporting him or risk your own life.

“Others probably don’t want to see you, because they try to block out the memory of what happened. But I could never hate you, Uncle Lucien. Not when I understand how Aunt Jesminda felt.”

At Lucien’s puzzled glance, Khoniya rushed to explain, “I have a husband who is High Fae. Being with him comes with risks — I had to give up a lot and it comes with its own problems — but I wouldn’t give it up for the world.”

“You’re married?” His voice was awed, as if he couldn’t believe it.

“I am.” Khoniya smiled, true joy entering her expression. “I think you’d like him. Would you like to come over some time? I’m sure my son would love to meet you, too.”

Lucien’s eyes widened, and Khoniya quickly backtracked. “I mean, I know you’re probably only here for a short time, and you probably have duties — I’m sure you’re busy so I understand if you can’t come.”

“I’d love to come over, if that’s okay with you,” Lucien said softly. Then, he grinned. “Wow, little Khoniya has a son, huh? Look at you, all grown up.”

Khoniya laughed, and Lucien joined in.

Nesta blinked at the scene. She had never seen Lucien look so delighted. Granted, she hadn’t spent much time around the male, but she had a feeling this could be the start of something special for both him and Khoniya.

“I’m sorry, what the hell is going on?” Rhysand interrupted. “How do you two know each other?”

Nesta wanted to punch him for interrupting the moment. She barely managed to contain the urge but settled for glaring at him.

Lucien’s face fell as Rhysand’s voice reminded him of where he was.

“I was… close with Khoniya’s aunt, Jesminda,” he said, his voice flat, so different from the lively tone he’d had moments earlier.

Rhysand raised an eyebrow and hummed in understanding, taking another sip of his drink. Nesta fisted her hands as she watched his bored expression. Nesta herself barely knew Lucien, but even she could tell this was likely a difficult topic for him. Hadn’t Lucien agreed to some role working for Rhysand? Surely, Rhysand should at least pretend to give a shit about him.

Khoniya glanced around the room for a moment before making eye contact with Nesta. Her eyes asked if Nesta could handle the situation — stand up and protect Saibh, Riona, and Cian if necessary. Nesta felt the weight of responsibility fall onto her shoulders as she nodded; however, instead of feeling like a burden, Nesta felt honored to have been entrusted with it.

Once, the people around Nesta — those who claimed to love her — had only ever seen her as a problem to be solved, a viper with fangs too sharp who had to be caged and put away for the safety of all. She would never have been allowed near any vulnerable person, let alone been tasked with defending them.

As Nesta rolled her shoulders, ready to fight til her last breath for her friends, she felt her heart warm. Yes, her family loved her, but they didn’t like her. They loved her because they had to, because they couldn’t help it, but not because they wanted to. How nice it was to be liked, to be trusted, to be wanted! How nice it was for those you love to believe in you — for them to believe you could be good! For them to think that you could be the hero of some story instead of the villain.

Khoniya shot Nesta a small smile, full of gratitude, before turning back to Lucien and asking, “Would you mind if we continued this conversation outside?”

Lucien, who was undoubtedly eager to get away from the crushing gazes of those who pretended to enjoy his company, followed her outside.

__________

“He came over yesterday, and he met Elian and Yaran,” Khoniya informed Nesta and Brielle as they sat around the table, feasting on the snacks Brielle had made. “By the Mother, it was so amazing — even better than I’d imagined. He got along great with Elian. And I think he loves kids; he was so great with Yaran.”

Nesta smiled at how content Khoniya looked.

“Were you very close to him when you were younger?” Nesta asked.

Khoniya tilted her head. “Kind of. It was… Well, he was very kind to me and the rest of my family. Some of my family disapproved of his relationship with my aunt Jesminda, but they didn’t say anything to his face, of course. But… He would play with me and the other kids a lot. He obviously didn’t want to get caught by his dad or brothers, but I could tell that he loved my aunt so much. As I get older, I think I understand and admire their bravery in staying in their relationship more and more.”

Khoniya fell silent for a moment. “I think, in another life, Uncle Lucien and Aunt Jesminda would have been the best parents. I think they would have wanted that too, if they had been in a world where it was safe for them to have a child together.”

Nesta could admit that she’d never cared enough to imagine Lucien’s past, let alone his dreams or failed hopes. Yet as Nesta rushed over to pick up her crying daughter, she wondered what it must be like for him to have lost not only his lover but the dreams of the life he wanted to build with her. She cradled Adira as her daughter suckled on her breast, and her heart clenched at the thought of this joy slipping through Lucien’s fingers.

The thought still preoccupied her as she walked home. The streets were teeming with fae of all sorts: high fae, lower fae, males, females, night court and other fae, all intermingling as they passed each other on the streets of Velaris. Nesta was struck with the realization that, like Lucien, all these strangers had full lives with their own problems and dreams.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t known this before. Of course she had, but only on a logical level. In the moment, Nesta felt the feeling swelling up inside her, churning, spinning her around as she navigated the sea of fae. So many lives, each tumultuous and complex in their own way, moved around her like a powerful current.

She clutched Adira tighter to her chest. Adira was the rock she clung to as the stormy waters tossed and turned. Adira had been so unexpected, and Nesta had felt so utterly unprepared for her — even now, she constantly worried whether she was a decent mother, let alone a good one — and yet no one had ever brought her so much joy. There was no one Nesta loved in the way she loved Adira. She couldn’t even begin to express how grateful she was to have Adira in her life.

“Nesta?”

Perhaps if Nesta had been paying more attention — if she hadn’t been so caught up in her head — she would have detected the scent earlier and managed to switch routes or hide in time.

“Nesta!”

Short of running away, which would be very difficult while carrying a baby, there was nothing Nesta could do to avoid the encounter as a familiar face greeted her.

“I haven’t met up with you in a while, and we didn’t get a chance to talk when I saw you at the dance club,” she laughed lightly.

Nesta stood still, frozen like a statue doomed to watch an explosion occur in slow motion.

“Anyway, how have you been? You look- Is that a baby?” Elain spluttered, her eyes rounding.

Nesta sighed internally. She’d known it was impossible that her sister wouldn’t notice the child in her arms, but that hadn’t stopped her from hoping for a miracle. Fortunately, Adira’s wings were hidden from sight by the soft lilac jacket Cassian had decided to make her wear over her onesie. There were not many Illyrians in Velaris, and Adira’s parentage would have become obvious to Elain the second she saw the tiny black wings.

Elain was silent for a few seconds, likely too stunned to speak. Her eyes drifted over Adira’s clothing to her light brown skin, her chubby cheeks, her dark hair that peeked out of her hood, and her long, dark lashes. Nesta could feel her sleeping daughter’s slow breathing against her shoulder and was thankful for the grounding rhythm as she tried to steady her nerves. Nesta wanted to believe that she didn’t care what Elain would say, that it didn’t matter what Elain thought of her having a child and being a mother. The truth, though, was that it did matter to her — far too much.

“Why are you holding a baby?” Elain’s eyebrows furrowed. “What are you doing walking around with a baby? How- Whose baby is it?”

Nesta blinked. She hadn’t considered that Elain would think that the baby was anyone’s but her own. Perhaps Nesta could simply avoid answering the questions and let Elain assume that Nesta was babysitting.

Although, what if Elain grew concerned for the baby’s safety and wanted to escort the baby home? Perhaps she could pretend like the baby was Khoniya’s — surely Khoniya wouldn’t object to playing along for a few moments. Nesta would just need to find a way to communicate the situation to her. Perhaps Nesta could make a comment implying the situation to her subtly, without Elain realizing.

A small sound diverted Nesta’s thoughts. Adira made another squeaking cry and squirmed. Nesta quickly moved to caress her, gently soothing her while slightly rocking her in the way Adira always seemed to enjoy. Adira let out a tiny, content noise and settled down once more in Nesta’s grip. She yawned, her tiny mouth somehow expanding more and more as the rest of her face scrunched up. Nesta rubbed circles into her back, careful to avoid her folded wings.

She turned her focus back to her sister, who had started talking again. “How long have you been taking care of her — is it a her? Or a him? Is the b-” Elain cut herself off with a gasp.

Nesta followed Elain’s shocked gaze, to find Adira blinking her big blue-grey eyes. Eyes that were almost identical to Nesta’s.

Elain’s hand flew to her mouth. She stared. Her unblinking gaze remained on Adira’s face for several beats while Nesta grew more and more nervous.

Nesta had never been one to hate silence. When she’d had to share a bed with her sisters, she had relished any moment of silence and personal time she could get. Those moments had been like gasps of fresh air that she’d needed as she struggled not to get overwhelmed by the constant noise and company. Now, though, the silence shredded Nesta’s nerves just as the noise once had. She felt like a rope pulled so tight she’d snap unless Elain broke the silence and released her.

Finally, Elain looked at Nesta again. “You have a baby,” she said, her tone unreadable.

Nesta gave a small nod, unsure how she was supposed to reply. Did Elain think Nesta was unfit to be a mother? Was she mad that Nesta hadn’t told her about her pregnancy? Was she ashamed that Nesta had a child without getting married — or mated — first?

Elain’s face, which was usually bright and adorned with an ever-present kind smile, was blank. Nesta had always been able to easily read Elain’s emotions, and she felt a twinge of annoyance that she couldn’t do so now.

“Is it a girl?” Elain’s voice was strange, too. It wasn’t coated with that usual softness, but it was also different from the vacant voice she’d used when they’d first arrived in Velaris.

Nesta nodded again.

Elain tilted her head slightly to the left. Her cheeks were just as round as they’d always been, giving her face a much softer silhouette than Feyre’s or Nesta’s. Elain, who’d been a later bloomer than her sisters in all physical aspects, had often wondered if her cheeks were merely remnants of her baby fat that would disappear in her mid-twenties.

Nesta realized, eerily, that they would never find out. They were all trapped in time now, and their unaging bodies would become relics of a long-gone young adulthood even as their age increased. They would never develop the wrinkles their mother had worried about so much or the gray hairs their grandmother had despised. They would be the same — forever.

And yet, they would change. Nesta had already changed so much since she’d first gotten this body. She’d been depressed, an alcoholic, had sex, made friends, started working, become a mother, and so much more. She was no longer the same person she had been when she’d come out of the Cauldron.

As Elain’s unreadable eyes stared at her, she wondered if the same could be said of Elain. Perhaps Elain, too, had changed while Nesta hadn’t been watching; perhaps the person standing before her was someone new that Nesta did not understand fully in the ways she had understood her little sister.

Elain’s lips opened slightly, closed, and then opened once more. “What’s her name?”

Nesta answered, “Adira.” The corners of her lips curled up, as they always did when she uttered her daughter’s name. She could read all the books in the world and learn every language, but her daughter’s name would always be her most treasured word.

Elain turned her eyes towards the baby and repeated, “Adira.”

Her lips finally turned into a smile, and Nesta felt relieved she could read her sister’s expression once more. Yet, as Elain looked up, Nesta realized that Elain’s smile was not simply one of joy — it was tinged with something else, something she couldn’t entirely untangle. Was that — longing? Regret? Love? Respect?

She gave Nesta a warm but firm nod, a gesture that was so un-Elain-like that it was all Nesta could do to school her own expression.

“Well,” Elain said, tucking a loose face-framing strand of hair behind her ear, “I hope I can see you both again sometime soon.”

She smiled, her light brown eyes almost appearing to glow in the light. Then, she stepped back into the bustling crowd on the street.

It took several moments for Nesta’s shock to subside; long enough to realize she’d yet to ask Elain not to reveal her daughter’s existence to anyone else. She opened her mouth to speak, but Elain had already disappeared into the crowd — just as she always had.

__________

“Hey, Nesta! I’m home! I brought back some sweets with me, since the bakery was having a special— ” Cassian paused, the door swinging shut behind him. “What’s wrong?”

The shift in his tone, from joyful and bubbly to dark and worried, was so dramatic that at any other time Nesta surely would have raised an eyebrow or made some type of quip about his range.

Now, however, she could only stare at him, willing her tongue to form words that her mind couldn’t generate.

“Are you hurt? Is Adira— where’s Adira?” he asked, his voice getting louder and more concerned with every word.

Nesta had enough clarity to glance towards their room. Cassian rushed in, his body so tense that it seemed like it could break. Nesta didn’t know if he returned in seconds, minutes, or hours, as understanding time seemed to have moved beyond her capacities. When he did return, presumably having checked on Adira, he seemed calmer and quieter.

He sat down beside her on the sofa. Nesta noted the heat he seemed to radiate, even as he left a hand-sized space between their knees.

“Did something happen?” Cassian asked, his voice so soft — so kind and supportive — that Nesta wanted to cry.

She opened her mouth, but the words would not come. How could she explain how badly she’d fucked everything up? How she’d frozen in front of her little sister and how their encounter had been so strange that she could barely process it?

“Nesta?” he prompted, reaching out a hand to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear.

She looked up at him, and their eyes met. His hazel eyes were full of concern and affection for her. It cracked the dam inside her, and her words spilled out, jumbled and raw.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that— I didn’t think she would—” Her eyes were round, her expression pleading him to understand that she hadn’t meant it. She hadn’t wanted to reveal their secret to Elain. She hadn’t planned to ruin everything.

“It’s okay,” Cassian said.

Only, it wasn’t. He had no idea what she’d done. How she had made him swear not to tell his family, despite knowing how hard it would be for him, only to mess it all up. He’d surely hate her and rightfully so.

“Nesta, I need you to take a deep breath, okay?”

She felt the weight of Cassian’s hand on her shoulder, grounding her. Following his lead, she took a deep breath in, then out. And another. And another.

The room felt larger, as if the walls that had previously been closing in around her had decided to let go.

“Now,” Cassian said, his voice quiet but serious, “can you tell me what happened?”

“I’m sorry,” Nesta whispered. “I didn’t mean to—”

She blinked a few times and cleared her throat before summarizing the encounter with Elain.

“She left before I could tell her not to tell the others,” she finished.

Cassian listened intently, his face impassive throughout her tale. She had no idea what he was thinking, and if her mother and grandmother hadn’t drilled her manners into her since she learned to walk, she would have been picking at her sleeves anxiously.

“Everyone’s going to know now,” she continued, voicing her worries. “And you didn’t even get to tell them. I mean, they might not know that it’s- that we have a child together but, still. I know they’re your family and I didn’t let you tell them before, even though you wanted to. And now I messed it all up, and ruined everything and they’re going to hate me even more and I took this away from you, too, even though it’s so important to you.” Her breathing quickened and her speech became increasingly fragmented as her thoughts raced ahead of her. “It was supposed to be— They were supposed to know when we were both ready and you could— You would have— I mean, they would have loved Adira even though I’m her— I just. I’m so sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to ruin this for you or for her, and—”

“Nes, listen to me. You didn’t ruin anything. Okay?” His tone was firm, and his eyes had turned into pools of resolute emotion.

She dropped her gaze to the floor. She couldn’t lie to him and just nod along. She had ruined it: this precious peace, this happiness, this life they’d started building together was going to get wrecked because of her carelessness.

The gentle caress of rough fingertips against her jawline pulled her out of her spiraling thoughts and made her glance up.

“You didn’t ruin anything, Nesta,” he repeated. His words were calm and confident, as though he truly believed them and needed her to believe too. “I know that this isn’t what we’d planned. I wish this decision hadn’t been taken from us and that we’d been able to talk about it and make a choice that would work best for us, but it’s not your fault. Okay? I know you didn’t want any of this. Sometimes, things just happen. Honestly, it’s only through luck that we’ve been able to avoid this happening so far.”

“I suppose,” she mumbled in reply, her thoughts and emotions still turbulent.

“I need you to understand that you didn’t take anything away from me, and you didn’t make me do anything.”

She frowned. “But I—”

“No,” he interrupted. “You asked, yes, but I chose this. I chose this because that was what was best for Adira and for us — for our family. I suppose we have to decide now how to deal with them knowing at least part of the situation, but no matter what we decide, how they react is up to them.” His jaw tightened slightly. “I really do hope they love Adira, but I need you to know that I’m not going to let them act like her being your daughter is a drawback. I mean, they aren’t going to love her ‘even though’ you’re her mother. They’re going to love that part of her along with everything else. The Inner Circle may have been my family in a lot of ways, but I’m not going to let them treat either of you with any less respect than you deserve.”

His thumb moved infinitesimally, grasping her face slightly more firmly. “And you deserve the world,” Cassian said. “I’m not going to let them insult you, and I’m definitely not going to let them try to teach our daughter to dislike you. If they can’t love every part of Adira, if they can’t respect you, if they can’t love our family and treat us the way they should, then they aren’t going to get to be a part of our lives.”

“But Cass, what if they don’t like— because, I mean, they might think that I—”

He tilted his face down, pressing his forehead to hers.

“I don’t care,” he whispered. “It doesn’t matter why. You come first. We come first.”

She couldn’t look away from the intensity in his expression.

“You should tell them,” she answered, her voice mirroring his in volume and tone. “If they bring her up, or if they seem to know about her, you can tell them that she’s yours.”

“Are you sure?” The twin sparks of genuine concern and joy in his eyes made her heart clench.

“If you want to, you can,” she answered. She savored the smile that spread across his face through the upturn of his lips, the crinkled corners of his eyes, and the movement of his cheeks.

“Okay.” His free hand came up to brush her hair back. “I was thinking that we could invite them to talk about everything, if you’re okay with that? We don’t need to talk to everyone at the same time. Maybe we could just start with your sisters?”

Nesta swallowed, trying her best not to get lost in his eyes. “Yes,” she replied, her voice a touch too breathless. “We can talk to them about it sometime. Let’s just tell all of them and get it over with.”

“Yeah?” Cassian seemed to search her face to ensure that she was truly comfortable with it.

She felt herself melt even more at the raw, caring expression he wore. He wore his emotions openly for her to see — a feat that wasn’t as easy for him as others might believe. He had been trained as a warrior: rough, fearless, angry, and always battle-ready. He’d trained himself to be a bright light: always happy, carefree, funny and smiling. While the masks Nesta wore were very different, she knew just how difficult it was for him to shed them.

Showing his emotions — not his humor or joy, not his anger or strength, but his true hopes and fears and depths of his affection — left him vulnerable, and he had thus adapted to conceal them to ensure his survival. He was letting his guard down for her, purposefully breaking down centuries-old walls to let her in. This male — this complicated, intense, caring, beautiful male — made her heart overflow with a feeling she couldn’t quite name.

“Yeah,” she replied.

Then, they were kissing. She didn’t know which of them had moved or how the tiny distance between them had disappeared. All she cared about was how perfectly they fit together. It felt so right to be cradled in his arms and pressed against his lips — like a homecoming, except she hadn’t ever known that home could be this caring, this unconditional, this sweet. As she tasted him again and again, lost in the pleasure of how his lips felt against hers, her thoughts disappeared, save for one realization. The word she had been searching for earlier came to mind, enveloping her with a force she hadn’t anticipated.

Oh.

It was love.

__________

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S & S Taglist (tagged in the comments)

#nessian #nesta x cassian #nesta archeron #nessian fic #nessian baby #Nesta Archeron x cassian #sayosdreams #sand and stardust #sayosdreams writing #sayosdreams fics #tw panic attack #nesta

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djdfjs-blog · 1 year

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Nessian prompt

For those looking for inspiration and love Nesta and nessian-

prompt:

-modern au

-nessian(obvi)

-hidden marriage from Ic

-hidden pregnancy(they don’t tell Ic, only close friends)

-family drama

-Az is fav brother

-Gwyn, emerie, and Nesta are sisters (my Valkyrie❤️)

-Ic is kinda bithy and then find out about nessian and 🤯

( could also be used for other Nesta ships ;)

#Nessian #nessian baby #Hidden marrege #nesta x gwyn x emerie

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vidalinav · 2 years

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On the stormiest night of the year, when winds and rain pound across the windows, the house shaking as lightning rattles the red rock, Nesta clutches at her swollen stomach gasping in pain.

Cassian quickly moves to his mate. Concern is painted on his face, but none of the others seem to take in the seriousness of the situation. Feyre only sets her hands on her hips.

“You’re pregnant?” Feyre gasps.

“And you didn’t tell us!” Mor rages.

"Why are you all here?” Azriel questions, carrying a basket of what Cassian knows is full of warm towels. He’s been here from the start and Cassian would be lying if he said, his brother’s presence didn’t calm him slightly.

Perhaps it’s because Nesta seems relieved to see him too. She grasps his hands as he holds one out to her and Cassian once more tries to urge Nesta to go lie down where the House has already turned down the sheets.

“What were you going to do? Show up with a baby in your arms and tell us you picked it up in the forest?”

Cassian rolls his eyes at the dramatic tone of Rhys’s voice and one quick look at Nesta confirms she’s glaring at him too. But Nesta doesn’t chastise or complain, instead she straightens, her face blooming red as if it pains her to stand.

Cassian rubs at her back, ready to scoop her up and have her rest until he can find the priestess who’s been most helpful with the pregnancy. Cauldron forbid one of them call Madja.

“Should we call for Madja?” Elain questions, her eyes blinking widely.

“Absolutely no one call Madja,” Cassian says, rubbing sweetly down Nesta’s back in what he hopes feels appeasing. “Madja doesn’t step foot here.”

The others nod at his threatening tone.

“And why are you here? It’s pouring outside... and where’s Nyx?”

“Amren’s watching him,” Feyre says as if it’s obvious and pointedly looks to Nesta, “we were worried when you wouldn’t answer us.”

“I hate when you talk in my head,” Nesta answers through gritted teeth.

“And lo and behold... you’re fucking pregnant!”

“You’re having a baby,” Mor says, motioning to Nesta’s stomach.

“Babies,” Nesta huffs out. “We’re having three.”

“Three!” They shout all at once.

#insert shrugging emoji here #vidalinav writes stuff #nessian #nesta archeron #nessian babies #nessian baby

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unicornsparklesblog · 4 days

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Ness girl mom sketches 🧡

#acotar #fanart #art #digital art #digital arwork #nesta archeron #nesta acosf #nessian #nessian baby 🧡

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silverflamedqueen · 1 year

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Stages of Regret( Chapter 2)

After a disastrous Christmas party. Nesta Archeron decided to leave behind her old life, to start anew. Now a year and a half later. Her past has come back to haunt her.

Having Cassian in her space felt strange. Yet she didn't mind it. Part of her welcomed it. Nesta had almost forgotten how broad his frame was. When he almost didn't fit through her front door. She snorted at the sight of him sidestepping to get inside. Earning her a look.“ Why is your door hobbit sized?” Nesta shrugged. “ It’s a normal-sized door. Have you ever considered that you’re not normal?” No response after that. As he started to take in her apartment.

She watched as Cassian took in the small space she called home. He examined the pictures on the fridge. Glanced at the pictures hung on the wall. One, in particular, intrigued him. A gift from him to her. Back when they dated. Was he surprised she still had it?

Moving on he observed the brightly colored toys littering the common room floor. Looked suspiciously at the atrocious popcorn ceiling. His narrowed gaze told her that he didn't care for the sloppily patched up spots. They were few. But, they admittedly weren't small.

A few more minutes passed. Yet, no words were spoken. They didn't need to be. Nesta already figured out what was on his mind. It’d only be a matter of time before he voiced his disapproval of her living space, of their living space.

As far as apartments went, it wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t the best though. There had been minor issues here and there. But, overall, not any horrible issues. They weren't in a bad area either. It also was the only one Nesta could afford at the time. Renewal had come months back. A lease that she resigned despite having the funds to upgrade. She enjoyed the company too much to move. Gwyn and Emerie made the place a home. They had become her family. Eventually, however, as her child grew. More space would be required. But, for now, this was fine. She’d cross that bridge when the time came.

Her apartment was nothing compared to Cassian’s though. The building he lived in belonged to Rhysand’s mother. As he was her adopted son. He paid a reasonable rent, for a well above-average apartment. She’d even go as far as to call it luxury. Many times he’d asked her to move in with him. Which was met with the same answer every time. No. She refused to live under Rhysands roof. No doubt he’d expect something from her. Constantly throw the fact that she lived there in her face. Whenever she displeased him. The most she had in that building was a drawer in Cassian's room. Which Cassian promised to not tell a soul about. Lest he wished to incur her wrath. Often she wondered what happened to that drawer. It housed some of her favorite t-shirts. One of them had been a merch shirt from the gym Cassian owned. It was the softest shirt she ever owned.

Now that she thought about it. Cassian also had problems with her last apartment. He��d bought her extra locks for her door. He was a worrier, that's for sure. In the three years that they dated. The man fussed over her like a mother hen. Constantly making sure she ate that day or asking if she needed him to change her oil. She doubted anything had changed. No matter how much she had snipped at him about it. The behavior never ceased. If anything he found it amusing. He fussed then, and he would fuss now. It would just be over a different girl.

“ How did you know where I lived?” she asked, breaking the silence. Cassian made his way to the couch. Plopping down, making a strange face as he did. “ A buddy of mine owns a club not too far from here. I ended up bringing Az along.” He shifted, pulling a wadded-up blanket out from beneath him. “ Imagine my surprise when I saw my missing ex-girlfriend on the pole. We followed you here afterward.” There had been no judgment in his tone.

“ How did you know what door I was in?” The child in her arms squealed. Drawing Cassian's gaze onto her. “ Found a package on the doorstep, pure dumb luck I suppose.” She had taken a few steps forward. When Cassian spoke again.

“What’s our daughter's name?” Nesta didn’t miss the pain in his tone. Nor did she miss the anger lurking underneath, no doubt directed toward her, rightfully so. “ Her name is Evie,” she responded, walking even closer to him. “ Evangeline’s her full name. It’s just a mouthful.” He stared at her in shock. His mouth agape. As if he wanted to say something. His eyes spoke for him though. She knew the importance of that name. It’s why she chose it. “Do you want to hold her?”

He stood silently, gently taking Evie from her arms and tucking her onto his side. Cassian stared at the little girl. A smile taking over his face. The first one she’d seen from him today. “ Hey, beautiful.” he cooed. Fatherhood suited him already. She knew it would, he was just the type.

Reaching out her hand in response. Evie began patting his shoulder. A move Nesta knew all too well. Before she could warn him, that little hand had grabbed a fist full of Cassian’s hair. Pulling it towards her. Pain flashed across Cassian's features. As his head was yanked forward. Yet the softness never left. Maybe he didn’t want to spook her or make a bad first impression. ” I forgot to mention. She likes to grab hair.” Nesta couldn't hold back the small grin that no doubt showed.

A ghost of a smirk danced across Cassian’s face.” You and she have that in common.” He froze for a second. Realizing what he had just said. Nesta ignored the comment. Cassian seemed to ignore it too. So easily he fell into that old banter. Nesta cleared her throat. “ You accept her here. Yet outside parentage seemed to be questioned.”

“ I never questioned her. I just didn't know what to say. Besides,” He turned to look at her.” You're many things Nesta, a liar isn't one of them.” He began to pace around the room. Adding a light bounce to his step. His hair still captive in Evie’s hand. He’d have to pry those fingers off, hope she got distracted, or cut the hair. If he wanted it back. “ Were you ever going to tell me? Or was I just going to get a surprise at my doorstep in eighteen years?”

Nesta swallowed her shame. “ I had every intention of letting you know. I went to your door. But, when I knocked-” she paused “Morrigan answered, and reminded me of what a waste of space I was. Then slammed the door in my face. When I asked to see you.”

Nesta now made her way to the small kitchen table. Putting as much distance between the two of them as possible. Being so close to him again. Was already starting to affect her. she could feel his warmth. Not only that, but, seeing him interact with their daughter. Made her hate herself more than she already did. She also dared not say what she wanted to. Dare not say how she’d drive by his complex to tell him, and beg him for forgiveness. One day she did have the courage to go in. She’d just given birth a few weeks prior. The door code hadn’t been changed, much to her surprise. However, the sight of Rhysand had her turning tail and rushing back to the car. After that, she didn’t return. So afraid of another run in.

Cassian shook his head. “ Mor wouldn't do that. Not in my own home. I told her multiple times that you were welcome there. It must’ve been a misunderstanding.” Nesta scoffed, Of course, that was his response. “ She would, and she did. Ask her the next time you see her. Also,-” She caught his eye. Her voice now laced with ice “ What happened to I’m not a liar? I should’ve known you’d doubt me. Where your friends were concerned. You always did. '' Standing up, she strode over to where he stood. Where Evie now squirmed in his grasp. “ She wants down.”

Nesta plucked her out of Cassian’s arms. Overpowering any resistance he put up. Disbelief evident on his face. After being put down. A beeline was made toward her toys, unsurprisingly.

Nesta turned back to Cassian. Her anger bubbling up from the depths. Like a monster being awoken from slumber. But, before she could speak he ground out.” You had other ways to tell me. I had a phone. You could’ve called, or texted. Anything would've been better than running, and completely vanishing off the face of the earth.” He sighed, as he ran his hands through his hair. The bun now fully out of its elastic. Courtesy of Miss Evie Archeron.

Rage simmered behind his eyes. But, he kept his tone low. “ Do you know how long we looked for you? Everyone was worried sick. Your phone was disconnected, you broke your lease, and quit your job. You didn't exist anymore. All because of an offhand comment.”

“ That’s what everyone seemed to want at the Christmas party, you included. I doubt anyone was worried when I vanished though.” Nesta laughed. “Everyone loved Morrigan’s idea. I just made it a reality. All of you should be thanking me. Mean, nasty Nesta was no longer an issue.” Shaking her head, she marched to the kitchen. Intent on busying herself. It helped when thoughts ran rampant in her head. Cassian followed closely behind, his steps heavy. “ That’s not what she meant. I gave her a warning for it too, regardless. Don't drag her, or the others into this. This-'' He motioned between them” is about you and I”

Nesta sneered “ What did she mean then? Please tell me what other interpretation there was. You’re taking her side. Just like you always have.” Taking a deep breath. She bent down and opened the dishwasher, calmly grabbing plates, and putting them in the cabinets above. Her hands began to shake. A telltale sign she was stressed. Cassian must’ve noticed too. He always looked at her hands. When he couldn't figure her out.

He breathed and took a step back. His hands held up in surrender. “ I’m not taking sides here. I’m trying to understand. I want to understand, Nesta, that's it.”

“ Silence is still taking sides” The dishes now abandoned. She leaned over the counter. Peering over at Evie playing with her blocks. Blissfully unaware of the discourse. Without even looking at him, Nesta muttered “ I think you should leave. We can continue this another day. When she isn’t here. I don’t want to fight in front of our daughter, please.” Today she would surrender.

Any fight left his voice at the word please. “ Okay. Before I go though. Where’s your restroom?”

She pointed him to the hallway. This whole thing was a mess. One of her own doing. The only thing stronger than her anger now was her fear. What would the others think? What would they say? She vanished from their lives. Cut all ties, and moved to the opposite side of town. Became an exotic dancer, and had a baby. Whose existence she kept from the father. A man who would’ve loved to be a part of everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Nesta heard their taunts already. They made her want to crawl in a ball. To just not exist. She shook away the voices. But, they’d be back. Of that, she was certain.

Cassian appeared out of the hallway. Making his way to Evie. Crouched on one knee. He began to coo once more.“ Hey Gorgeous, I’m gonna go now. You be a good girl for your mom ok.” her only response was a smile. He ruffled the small tuft of honey brown hair atop her head. Eliciting a joyful laugh. “ I’ll see you soon.”

He met Nesta back in the kitchen. A somber look on his face. One of pity. He didn’t have that before. She hated it. Wanted it to go away. “I need your new number”. Nesta had almost forgotten to give it to him. Taking his phone from his hand, she entered her number. Returning it once she was done. With nothing else left to say. He made his way to the door.

But, just as his hand touched the knob. A plea flew from her mouth, quick and desperate. “ Please don’t tell anyone else about this yet. Tell Az to keep it to himself too.” He stared ahead blankly, then nodded. He turned to her. That same somber look. She wanted to scratch it off. “ You have my word. I’ll give you some time. But, I won't hide this forever.” His gaze fell on Evie. Then back to Nesta. “I want her to know her family. I want-” he stopped himself. “ We’ll figure this out.” With the click of the lock. He was gone. And she was alone with her thoughts once more.

#nessian angst #nessian #nesta archeron #acotar #acosf #nesta x cassian #nessian baby

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