#njfamily

[paintthestarsarttherapy]

Mission Possible: Tackling Screen-Time Addiction

We can’t blame Covid forever.

Fair warning: You may hate me for what I’m about to write in this blog. In my defense it’s my job. So here goes ...

Please, PLEASE, give your children screen time limits--structured and consistent limits. Oh, and to be clear: Screen time means video games AND phones AND tablets and laptops AND TV and, and, and! You get the point.

We in the mental health world are seeing a HUGE increase in behavioral outbursts, anger at home, lack of attention and focus at school and all-around oppositional behavior. This holds true for kids as young as 3 all the way into high school-aged children.

The common thread seen with all of the above is … you guessed it … screen time! 

These young, developing brains are ill equipped to handle the amount of screen time we are allowing them to have. The following image 

was created by a first grader using Model Magic. This 6-year-old told me that he is “addicted to playing on [his] iPad.” Addicted! If your 6-year-old said, “Sorry Mom and Dad but I am addicted to heroin,” YOU WOULD LOSE YOUR MIND! 

Here is what I asked this 6-year-old to do: Create yourself out of Model Magic doing something you love or something that makes you feel happy. To no surprise he created himself an iPad. I then grabbed that Model Magic iPad and took it away. “Uh oh. Time’s up for that. What else makes you happy, now that your iPad has been removed?” I asked him. The groans and moans set in. “Ugh. Nothing else makes me happy.” Well, this is clearly a huge problem. When you are 6 years old and the only thing you can think of that makes you happy is a screen? Ugh is right. I pushed and pushed and finally he said, “I guess my trampoline.” But that was it; in 30 minutes he could only give me two things that make him happy, and coming up with that second one took about half the session. 

We are letting these kids down. 

And we, as parents, need to take action--and we have to do it immediately. As our kids are now back in school, in some way, shape or form, it is the perfect opportunity to use it as the impetus for setting new, limited-screen-time routines. We cannot keep using Covid as an excuse. I won’t blow your mind with the recommended amount of screen time based on the age of each child. (But if you want to learn more check this out: https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-technology-use-children.) You don’t need to focus on the stats; we know those numbers often feel like an impossible goal. Instead I have put together some tips below to help you break free from this addiction. If you create small, tangible goals you will see success in creating those important screen time limits. 

Tip 1: ‘Family Rules’ Meeting: This is our starting point. Everyone should sit down together and you as parents must explain that school is now in session, we cannot be melting our brains with screen time any more. Lay out a plan for your kids to understand. They will each get X amount of screen time each day. (I’ll explain further how to do that below.) These limits can be reinforced by timers, parental control settings, apps, or frequent wifi password changes that force your children’s electronics to TURN OFF after a certain amount of time. (Here are some great apps to check out to help you with that!) Lay out the rewards and the punishments if they do not abide by these rules.

Rewards: If your kid(s) are calmly able to slow their use of X device each day, Mom and Dad will add on to your weekend screen time by Y minutes. But go easy with those rewards! Five minutes is plenty because if they are amazing rule followers and do it with ease 5 minutes earned each weekday easily adds up to 25 additional weekend minutes—which is plenty. 

Punishments: If your kid(s) throw(s) a tantrum when it is time to stop daily screen time you will lose X minutes each day on the weekend. If they continue to tantrum after that, the punishment is increased and all screens will be off limits for Y day(s). 

Ok, that was all tough to hear, I know. Take it in; absorb it. Now: Take a deep breath. You’re doing great! But nope, we’re not done ... 

Tip 2: Take whatever amount of screen time your child currently is allowed each day and cut it in half. That is the goal over the first month when starting this new routine. If they are playing Roblox 4 hours a day, then from now on that’s cut down to 2 hours. And this goes for all cumulative screen time. So for example, if your child plays on his/her tablet for 3 hours, plays video games on whatever device for another 2 hours you are adding all of that up together and dividing it by 2. I’m not recommending the cold turkey method on these little volcanoes, so you should spread out these cuts in a way that works for everyone. I personally like intervals of 20 minutes. It is enough time to start making a difference but also short enough that many kids won’t feel that change.

Example: If your child currently is on screens for 4 hours a day, then that first week you’ll reduce total screen time by 20 minutes, giving them 3:40. The following week you’ll take away another 20 minutes, giving them 3:20. And so on.

Starting in the third week you’ll start to take away a half hour out of their total allotted screen time. So that 3:20 now becomes 2 hours and 50 minutes. The fourth week is reduced by another half hour (down to a cumulative 2:20). Then the new month starts off with  2 hours of screen time a day. 

(You should be aware, however, that if your child is on devices more than 4 hours a day--I cried a little bit typing that--you may have to do larger time intervals to hit your goal in the month.)

See how easy? Good job, Mom and Dad!

Tip 3: Be prepared for total meltdown city—and your kid is the Mayor. THEY ARE GOING TO BE ANGRY. The tantrums will get bigger and louder, I assure you. But this is also how you know that what you are doing is working! Parents so often say, “What can I do?” Well, this. You can do this. And I promise you that you are strong enough to get through it. You are not hurting your children by doing this; you are helping them. You are creating a better home life for everyone. You need to factor in a 2-week period of hazing. Your children are hazing you—not the other way around. If they scream and you give in because you are tired of hearing those screams … game over. They just won. If you stand firm, follow the structure laid out and, most importantly, be consistent (What does being consistent mean? YOU MUST DO THIS EVERY TIME!) you will start to see changes after your hazing is complete. 

If the outbursts get out of control, get violent, last for hours, etc., then you have a serious addict living in your home and you must take drastic action! These tips may not be enough for your little screen-time addict; you may have to remove devices on a semi-permanent basis. Remember, one addiction is not harmless. Did you know that having one addiction puts you at greater risk for having another, future addiction? (Blame your dopamine.) I’ll let that sink in …

Tip 4: No screens should be accessible in your child’s room. No TV, video games, phones, tablets, etc. Why? Well, if a kid were alone in his/her room with the door closed what would expect them to do? Sleep? Haha. Okay then. These screens should always be kept in a common area so parents can easily keep track of their usage. For your older teens, I recommend a specific charging area in your home where phones and tablets are charged—again, not in their rooms. 

(In case you were wondering, no, your teens do not go to bed at a reasonable hour and yes they are online wayyyyyy into the night.) 

Tip 5: Don’t give in to the peer pressure. Your kids’ friends whose parents are not willing to go through these measures are going to make your kids feel like poop. Ready yourself for this and try to uplift moods with other fun options like taking a trip, hiking outside, going somewhere they’ve always wanted to go, family game night or even family movie night (with no phones!). Please do not believe that playing video games and texting and TikToking is the only way your kids are able to socialize. That is just not true. Our entire idea of what it means to be social has changed based on technology but when it comes to a psychological perspective, ‘social’ is not being interactive on a screen. If your kids and teens want to TALK to someone, let the talking be old fashioned. We still make phone calls, right? It is still possible to pick up a phone and call someone, last I checked. I’ve had parents ask me, “Is it okay to let my kids FaceTime friends?” Sure! But can the amount of FaceTime be limited or supervised? If the FaceTime chat is to do schoolwork together, let it be done at the kitchen table or a common area where a parent can supervise. Your teens will want their privacy, of course, so allow them to make FaceTime calls from their room but with the door open. If they are making strides in changing their idea of being social (less video game socialization for example) you can definitely loosen the reins a little depending on circumstances. For example, were your kids texting through apps like TikTok and Snapchat or gaming as a way of being social and are now instead bumping it up to actually seeing someone via video call and having a chat? I call that progress. These are added, simple ways to reduce unnecessary screen time. 

Tip 6: Watch yourselves. If you as parents are always on your phones or whatever screens you prefer you are sending a warped message to your kids. Sure, we love the idea of “do as I say not as I do” but for a smooth transition from brain-melting screen time to normalcy, limiting your own screen time use will help you in the long run. It also helps with kids of all ages to see that mom and dad are willing to go through this with you--that they are not alone. Start off small: no phones or electronics at the dinner table. Dinner is a great time to go around the room and discuss your day together as a family. Electronics can stay in their designated areas. Or if your children desperately need some sort of stimulation throw on some music and let everyone take a turn picking a song. 

Covid has not disappeared so I understand that many families aren’t able to schedule play dates and group social gatherings. Do what you can to make positive changes. Remember, being social is about eye contact, empathy, enjoying another person’s company, experiencing things together, and more. It is not about being logged onto something virtually and pretending it’s social because you can message a person, or see them in a video they made, or comment on their pics. The game of socialization may have changed a bit but the rules are the same. What I have laid out here for you is not easy. I promise you, parents, you will feel better and be happier, kids will feel better and be happier, schoolwork will improve, anger will decrease, sleep will get better if you follow my tips for decreased screen time. We are talking about full recovery! 

You’ve got this.

#screen time #kids #children #teens #parents #parenting #addiction #school #virtualschool #covid #corona #coronavirus #family #njfamily #familytime #social isolation #socialization #limits #settinglimits #njmom #therapy #counseling #arttherapy #gamers #gaming #videogames #tiktok #snap #njschools #tips

[eastsidemags]

Reposted from @veritansclub The camp we know and love….Now enrolling campers entering PreK-3 through Grade 10! Camp Veritans is also looking for counselors and specialists! Contact [email protected] to apply or find out more info. Perfect for high schoolers, college students and teachers! Swipe ➡️ for upcoming events!!! #comedynight #fundraiser #njmom #njfamily #njkid #passaiccounty #bergencounty #essexcounty #morriscounty #wayne #fairlawn #paramus #glenrock #ridgewoodnj #fun #summer (at East Side Mags) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ca2N1igLkYe/?utm_medium=tumblr

#comedynight #fundraiser #njmom #njfamily #njkid #passaiccounty #bergencounty #essexcounty #morriscounty #wayne #fairlawn #paramus #glenrock #ridgewoodnj #fun #summer

[sugar-n-spiceandeverythingnice]

Today we walked around the @watchung Reservation. We think we were in the section that was the "sensory trail" by the education center. It was nice. #sweatingafterthewedding #unioncountyparks #unioncountyparksandrecreation #parksandrecreation #parksandrec #newjerseyparks #njparks #njcountyparks #walking #walk #hike #hikingtrails #njfamily #familyfun #njfamilyfun (at Watchung Reservation) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_-xYnKnF2-/?igshid=pci4nuhpqqa6

#sweatingafterthewedding #unioncountyparks #unioncountyparksandrecreation #parksandrecreation #parksandrec #newjerseyparks #njparks #njcountyparks #walking #walk #hike #hikingtrails #njfamily #familyfun #njfamilyfun

[primalaska]

#njentertainment #njfamily #njbiz #njbridal #njbaker #NJPWworld #njwildlife #njutavlivet #njspotstravels #njcars #njhairdresser #njlocal #njroficial #njparties #njpsychic #njvegan #njut #njtattoos #njrealtors #njmagazine #njskateshop #njemacka #njspraytan #njsportsbars #njnails #njfamilyphotographer #njuber #njtattooshop #njn #njskateboarding https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Uv9dsnt7e/?igshid=1nl5r9yxv0u59

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[jdeutschkron]

Sometimes I can't imagine doing anything else, other times I want to have my head examined #realtor #realtorlife #realtorhumor #realtorhustle #hustle #humor #realestate #lookingforahome #homeforsale #home4sale #nj #newjersey #family #families #njfamily #bergencounty #bergencountynj #onyourside #letsmeet #letsmeetforcoffee #letmehelp

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[imaginariumarts]

Stop by at @creativelifelab today in Kearny from 9-5! Come check out the studio, sign up for a painting class, and come see all of us wonderful vendors. We got up early on our weekend just to see your shining faces. ✨☺️✨☺️✨☺️✨☺️✨☺️✨ . . . . . #loveislove #jerseycity #equalrights #lovetrumpshate #njartist #njart #art #artist #artwithamessage #positivevibes #vendorshow #vendors #makeartnothate #equality #creativity #creativelifelab #creativelife #njevent #artisticcommunity #peace #artshow #njvendors #njartistig #familyfun #njfamily #kearnynj #kearnyart #newjerseyart #newjerseyartist #newjerseystudio #paintandsip (at Creative Life Lab)

#artist #creativelife #njfamily #artshow #makeartnothate #vendorshow #positivevibes #lovetrumpshate #paintandsip #loveislove #njvendors #creativity #peace #kearnynj #creativelifelab #njartistig #njart #vendors #njartist #newjerseyartist #artwithamessage #njevent #newjerseystudio #artisticcommunity #jerseycity #kearnyart #art #equality #familyfun #newjerseyart

[linzer-lane]

We had a true ‘Linzer Lane Moment’ while visiting #spartanj today for the Christkindlmarkt. It was so adorable! It’s open tomorrow to for anyone that is interested! ⛄️💕⛄️ . . #christmasmarket #smalltownchristmas #adorabletown #cutetowns #njfamilies #germanstyle #christkindlmarkt #jerseycityfamilies #christmaslights #christmasdecor #christmastime #lakemohawkgermanchristmasmarket #germanchristmasmarket (at Sparta, New Jersey) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5ykgSLH0aB/?igshid=wh59qallyjmp

#spartanj #christmasmarket #smalltownchristmas #adorabletown #cutetowns #njfamilies #germanstyle #christkindlmarkt #jerseycityfamilies #christmaslights #christmasdecor #christmastime #lakemohawkgermanchristmasmarket #germanchristmasmarket

[thevintagewave]

Back to School 🌊 ✏️ 📖 🧮 __________________________________ The Vintage Wave 723 Bangs Ave Asbury Park Nj 07712 @thevintagewave TheVintageWave.com Video Edit by @javii_manguera __________________________________ #monmouthcountymemes #newjersey #nj #monmouth #backtoschool #centralnj #realestate #monmouthcounty #jerseyshore #southjersey #stonepony #outerbangs #bangsave #centralnewjersey #thestonepony #monmouthcountynj #custom #newjerseylife #downtheshore #newyork #bennies #vintageshop #michaeljordanofvintage #732 #njfamily #gardenstate #jersey #theglobetrotta #thevintagewave #asburypark (at The Vintage Wave) https://www.instagram.com/p/CTH9AhWA6q_/?utm_medium=tumblr

#monmouthcountymemes #newjersey #nj #monmouth #backtoschool #centralnj #realestate #monmouthcounty #jerseyshore #southjersey #stonepony #outerbangs #bangsave #centralnewjersey #thestonepony #monmouthcountynj #custom #newjerseylife #downtheshore #newyork #bennies #vintageshop #michaeljordanofvintage #732 #njfamily #gardenstate #jersey #theglobetrotta #thevintagewave #asburypark

[merrymemoriescraftsnj]

Hi All! To go along with my new Recipe website, I wanted to include some family stories or family traditions submitted from all over. Would anyone be willing to contribute one? Please DM or send me an email! [email protected] #merrymemoriesnj #family #familytime #familylife #familytraditions #njfamily #holidaytraditions

#familytime #family #familylife #njfamily #familytraditions #holidaytraditions #merrymemoriesnj

[thebadhans]

Nudie photoshoot with @babybadhans. We’re having so much fun getting snowed in! ❤️🌳❄️👶🏼 #noreastern #treebiz #babyphotography #babyphotoshoot #snowday #arborist #njbabyphotographer #babybadhans #dadandson #nakedbaby #babyboy #babybutt #legacyarborist #treecare #treelife #newjersey #njsnowstorm #njphotography #babypose #newborns #hansjoseph #treebaby #buybuybaby #njfamily (at Badhans Tree Ranch)

#legacyarborist #babyphotography #noreastern #treecare #newborns #dadandson #njfamily #njbabyphotographer #babyboy #babybutt #babypose #newjersey #njsnowstorm #babybadhans #treelife #treebiz #treebaby #buybuybaby #babyphotoshoot #hansjoseph #arborist #snowday #nakedbaby #njphotography

[ashleysmelody]

Just read #ihopethisreachesherintime only confirming that I love @r.h.sin ‘s pieces AND I found out he was born in New Brunswick, NJ 😌 #njfamily #poetry #freeverse #orderingallhisbooks #firstordered #notthefirstread #talent #fellowwriter #writersofinstagram #readyforthenextbook #reader #rhsin 🙌🏽🔥 (at Atlanta, Georgia)

#poetry #orderingallhisbooks #freeverse #firstordered #ihopethisreachesherintime #writersofinstagram #readyforthenextbook #reader #fellowwriter #rhsin #njfamily #notthefirstread #talent

[aalicelamaalice]

house under quarantine 🚨🚨🚨 but our #sugarmama @virginiathomasgray braved all dangers and lovingly made us #sugarcookies #infusions #massages #peyotepomada thank you friends for the endless #chickensoups #soups #infusions #secretgoldmilkrecipies #oreganooil #ginger #tumeric #hotcompress #coldcompress #njfamily #feelingbetteralready #strepthroathasneverbeensorich #stepthroatlove #polylove extra gratitude to @erikartagena @tomjohnkubik @greengoinsta @louismayaud 🍀

#coldcompress #oreganooil #infusions #polylove #chickensoups #soups #ginger #peyotepomada #sugarcookies #feelingbetteralready #njfamily #stepthroatlove #hotcompress #massages #strepthroathasneverbeensorich #tumeric #secretgoldmilkrecipies #sugarmama

[escapegardenstate]

It was a week FULL of birthdays 🎂and fun 🎉 Don't miss out on a great time for any occasion! #escapegardenstate #birthday #birthdayparty #bday #family #familyfun #fam #fun #celebrate #nightout #datenight #girlsnight #nj #njfun #njmom #njfamily #njisntboring #hipnj #thingstodoinnj #jerseyfun #fairfieldnj #escape #escaperoom #njescaperoom #checkusout #new #booknow (at Escape Garden State)

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[nadiahjaapar]

Sunday (4 June 2017) Wife seorang director, terpaksa mengikut suaminya ke set kalau nak spend time together as a family even on a sunday! Family first!! #Husband #Wife #WorkLife #MyLife #MyFamily #NJFamily #NadiahJaapar

#nadiahjaapar #husband #worklife #myfamily #mylife #njfamily #wife

[jdeutschkron]

Looking for a home in New Jersey, have someone on your side. You wouldn’t go to court without a lawyer , don’t buy a house without a realtor #realtor #njrealtor #njfamily #realestateteams #njsunrisesunset #njnails #njapartments #njartists #bergencounty #bergencountynj #passaiccounty #essexcounty #sussexcounty (at Bergen County) https://www.instagram.com/njhomeswithjames/p/Bu8l5FBj7IV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=137qkye3qijii

#realtor #njrealtor #njfamily #realestateteams #njsunrisesunset #njnails #njapartments #njartists #bergencounty #bergencountynj #passaiccounty #essexcounty #sussexcounty

[imaginariumarts]

Today was super awesome. We all had an amazing time at @creativelifelab today in Kearny from 9-5! Go check out the studio, sign up for a painting class!!! ✨☺️✨☺️✨☺️✨☺️✨☺️✨ . . . . . #jerseycity #lovetrumpshate #njartist #njart #art #artist #artwithamessage #positivevibes #vendorshow #vendors #makeartnothate #creativity #creativelifelab #creativelife #njevent #artisticcommunity #peace #artshow #njvendors #njartistig #familyfun #njfamily #kearnynj #kearnyart #newjerseyart #newjerseyartist #newjerseystudio #paintandsip (at Kearny, New Jersey)

#lovetrumpshate #makeartnothate #newjerseystudio #creativelife #njfamily #artist #njevent #artshow #creativelifelab #njartist #njvendors #familyfun #vendors #artisticcommunity #art #creativity #njart #njartistig #positivevibes #kearnynj #peace #artwithamessage #jerseycity #kearnyart #newjerseyart #paintandsip #newjerseyartist #vendorshow