#not really but thats how it felt

[dionte-goethe]

Inktober 2023: day 5 - map. I wanted to draw Nie Mingjue leaning over a war table map. Is that so wrong? Also they're all so young. D:

Wish I could do more blurring and shading, but I am literally drawing in a cheap sketchbook with a cheaper ballpoint pen, I'm making it work the best I can.

#inktober 2023 #pen sketches #nie mingjue #jiang cheng #lan xichen #jin zixuan #sunshot campaign #me: keep it simple just Mingjue at a war table map thing #also me: dont forget the other sect representatives #everything that could go wrong did go wrong drawing lan xichen #not really but thats how it felt

[dizzybizz]

back together but at what cost...

#messy sketch is all you get sorry #if i listened to oh noel by idkhow on repeat while drawing this then thats only for me and spotify to know #really good really sad christmas song???? for my bd fanart??? fuck yeah #i listen to it an unhealthy amount in general but shhhhhh #uhhh i just checked and its number 4 of my most listened to songs on spotify and i dont know what that says about me and my state of being #buddy daddies #buddy daddies spoilers #kazuki kurusu #miri unasaka #rei suwa #fanart #my art #they deserved a big hug #i dont like how this turned out but stfu ok ok thx #this ep felt very bittersweet

[rustingcat]

I miss them

#kara was interrupted during a lazy sunday with Lena to do some supergirl work #she of course cant leave without a kiss #thats just how it is #i just felt like drawing some supercop kiss honestly #i really miss them #supercorp #my art

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[freakurodani]

The parallel between Sokka and Tenzin as their fathers' sons.

Sokka, left at 13 as his father and all the other men head off to war. Hakoda tells him "being a man is knowing where he's needed the most" and he needs to protect his sister, his home.

Tenzin is the second airbender. He is also half water tribe, he's a man. When Aang dies, he will be the last airbender. He understands what he needs to do.

Untold amount of pressure and responsibility have been thrust upon them by their fathers. Though, I believe it is not all intentional, but the unfortunate circumstance of being the fathers of sons who take responsibility incredibly seriously.

In Sokka's case, "protect your sister" is a vague instruction. It was meant to give him purpose, to help him feel okay about being left behind, He is too young for war, his father does not want to bring his child to slaughter. But Sokka will die with purpose. He will train the children of his tribe so they will be protected, he will face a fire nation ship until his last breath. He cannot go to war, but Hakoda did not see that war was all around them. In trying to give Sokka purpose, Hakoda put their world on his shoulders.

We do not get to see Aang be a father (in the TV shows), but we know he had hopes for the future. All his children were air nomads, and the air acolytes brought his culture back, but Tenzin could bend. This part of their culture is one ONLY they share. I do not think Aang would hide this, he is joyous that he gets to share his culture. When he feels respected, he always is, he taught the air acolytes after all. Off handedly, he could say, "I'm hopeful for a future where there are lots more air benders," and that, which feels mostly innocuous to him, is the nail in the coffin of Tenzin's fate. He is Avatar Aang's son, and the future of the air benders. It would not matter that Aang meant a future in generations. Tenzin sees the responsibility and it's his. He is his father's only air bending child, he knows what he needs to do.

Being a parent is not understanding the way the things you say harm your children. Even those things that feel innocuous in the moment can be life altering. Especially the more the child respects the parent. Purpose and Hope for those with a broader perspective, can be death sentences to a life that could have been when expressed to those who idolize the former.

#avatar the last airbender #avatar the legend of korra #atla sokka #sokka #tenzin #lok tenzin #aang #avatar aang #hakoda #atla #conspiracy lvl: text #i thought about talking about how my own mothers expectations for me broke me #they just felt like facts of life for her #just as like anecdotal evidence for my thought process #bc like we only know aang as a father from his frustrated adult children #but i REALLY REALLY dislike the takes that are like 'aang kept having kids until he got an airbender' #bc THAT doesnt feel like aang #like #if that were the case dont you think aang and katara would have had like A LOT more kids???? #like if the goal was make airbender babies why stop at one??? #but its because bumi kya and tenzin are reflections of sokka katara and aang #ive made a post about that #its about AANGS FAMILY #and he loves them #i think the favoritism is reasonable #makes me sad but thats cause my mom had obvious favorites (it wasnt me lmao) #another reason why i didnt wanna bring her up <- is doing it anyway how embarrassing #i ALSO thought about my dad though #but i cant talk about that here bc APPARENTLY tumblr only lets you add 30 tags now rip

[strobilo]

knock knock little king john its me the ratboy genius im sorry your world got destroyed :3 gotta go now bye

#not how it went but thats what it felt like #ratboy genius #little king john #this was 100x more dramatic in my head but i couldnt translate it into reality unfortunately... still a win though #and thanks for all the kind tags i've gotten recently :D i really appreciate it #nice to know rbgers on here are still alive... there might not be many of us but we're strong

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

this is how it feels to chew 5 gum being a barnaby/howdy enjoyer. im Unwell

#im just staring at a wall rotating them in my brain. constantly. no coherent thoughts theyre just There #its like... hate to Expose myself but yk that one supernatural episode #that was filmed like a mockumentary by the Ghost Hunter Guys. yk the episode with the 'gay love saves the day' quote #yeah yk the scene where the guys are screaming trying to escape cas but everywhere they turn / each door they open Cas Is There #that is also what it feels like being a laughingstock enthusiast #im trying to escape it. i cant. theyre Everywhere. #i go to sleep thinking about them. i wake up and theyre one of my first thoughts #ITS TOO MUCH! theyre too good.... #if youre reading this and youre like 'theyre cute but i dont really ship them' #Its Already Too Late. #cause thats how i felt. i thought they were gonna be a silly nonserious concept in the back of my mind #a crackship yk #look at me now... #laughingstock #i thought franklydear was gonna be The Welcome Home Pairing for me #i love them so so so much theyre everything but laughingstock is More. Somehow. #then again! we'll see what new characters and dynamics arise in the future! things may change! #but for now... mentol ellness over the dog and the caterpillar #that sounds like a childrens book lmfao

[kaseyskat]

since ive already been pretty open about this and im not afraid to whack a hornets nest i'll go ahead and say it: if you were raising a kid in a pseudo-apocalyptic setting and then you found out that said kid was going to be the one to defeat the eldritch god that you have tried to defeat for half your lifetime and could never manage. that she was going to FACE that eldritch god it was prophesied. you would teach her how to defend herself and how to fight. like god i am not saying hero's trauma from it wasn't justified because i do think the twins took it too far but the initial process of training her makes so much more sense if you approach it at the angle of "this kid is going to do something we've been trying to do since we were twelve and couldn't manage and we might not even be there to help her so we have to make sure she doesn't die in the process" and not "we're going to make her fix our mistakes" it makes sense. goes along with lark's running theme of not being strong enough in the moments that matter and wanting to make sure nobody else ever feels as helpless as he did when walter was injured. goes along with sparrow desperately tempting fate with normal's name- not because normal was an accident, but because sparrow never wanted to lose even one kid to the doodler and it was a fervent, desperate wish to let normal get to be normal

#dndads #kasey rambles #sorry im feeling especially spiteful today #cause again i do think. the twins get the least amount of nuance from the fandom #tell me how yall were just fighting for glenn so hard and then you turn around and tell me that the twins are evil monsters skahsdkfhkdhsf #like idk. it makes sense to me! #if hero was supposed to fight the doodler but they dont know WHEN it would happen. theyd train her early #make sure it was a fight she could win #and thats also why shes NOT in the chosen one position anymore #she wanted to leave and now that she could reasonably defend herself should she be threatened. its fine! #if they really only wanted her to fix their mistakes she would not have been allowed to leave. lmao #again this isn't to say that she wasn't traumatized from the experience like. #i think the twins shouldve been honest with her and there shouldnt have been so much pressure #but i get why they felt the need to make sure she could handle herself in a fight so early on #also like. this kind of thing happens in so many post apocalyptic settings its not even uncommon #yall just dont see this world as being post apocalyptic and it shows LMAO

[sea-buns]

Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?

You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.

You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.

You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—

you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."

Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.

#cant wait for her to fucking pissed for a very long time. shes really packing the entire human experience in a very short period of time. #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e77 #fearne calloway #ashton greymoore #bells hells #just gonna get ahead of the um actually mfs and state that i am aware that its not confirmed that thats why ash brought up the promise #but boy howdy would it make for some great drama down the line huh? #edit: apparently i did not get ahead enough cuz ive had to turn off replies #since ppl were somehow interpreting this mini introspection piece as me infantilizing fearne?? #anyway the first line is now changed to something a bit more neutral. after sleeping on it i do see how it was a bit aggressive at the top #other than that im not sure how else to reword without completely disregarding the core of the post #i might make more posts addressing this but im not sure yet. i wanna try to approach it in the best way possible. #but if it helps any the point of the post was not to say fearne had no agency. she had plenty of moments where she tilted one way or the #other. the POINT was to just shine some light on the emotional pressure she had been put under. #hasnt your friend ever asked you to keep a secret or promise that felt wrong or unsafe or made you anxious? #it has nothing to do with the amount of agency she had. ash wasnt holding a knife to her throat and forcing her to follow against her will #all i was trying to do was take this detail about his reminder of the promise that i thought was interesting and have some fun writing an #overview of the kinda stress she was under BEFORE theyd reached that scene. this entire ep was everyone discussing how grateful they were #for this family theyd made. and while im not saying ash was PURPOSELY emotionally manipulating fearne.. #there is a level of unintentional manipulation when you pair the severity of his request with the convo theyd had 2 seconds prior #as well as the desperate need they all have to save each other NO MATTER WHAT. #ash was giving incredibly strong energy of a friend who peer pressures you into helping them do something that you know in your gut WILL #cause problems. hes a fucked up guy. theyre all fucked up guys. even if he didnt mean to “force” her into anything the pressure was THERE. #<- i feel like all of this overall gets my message across. i think maybe ill clean it up later into its own post. #im gonna try not to rush myself to get it done tho. #im under no obligation to explain myself. especially when ppl approach the misunderstanding by being rude af. but i do think it CAN #be clarified so id at least like to try to some degree

[birdcatt]

its awkward for everyone involved except for this guy

#oc: leaf (pmd) #oc: emerald (pmd) #darkrai #pokemon #pmd #pokemon mystery dungeon #leafeon #glaceon #he is dressing his best for this divorce #but the main reason i did this was because by pitting him into this relationship thats kind of All he became #and what he represents for both sisters struggles also meant that me as the author couldnt really figure out how he would be as a person #so im also making that the lore here and more or less what he felt #its a bit like freedom for him #also i just got bored of this ship #there is a Part of me that also wants to snip emerald/bronze and divorce them too but i will not do that disservice to kid me #emerald/bronze have been a thing for years and years!!! so theyll stay that way #art tag

[autism0fadown]

I’ve been re-listening to dndads s1 and i just finished the last episode again… im inconsolable

#i started lostening to dndads at a really tough time in my life and everything was changing. i felt like i had nothing to cling on to #but dndads was the one thing that made things feel good again. it was the one thing i could hold onto when my life felt like disaster #it was the one thing that genuinely made me feel happy and im so glad that i had this podcast to get me through what felt like hell. #i would say that i wish i could listen to this podcast for the first time again. but i experienced it at the most perfect time in my life #that its had a lasting effect on me and i wouldnt change that for the world #i sometimes wonder how dndads would have affected me if i hadn’t experienced it at that time in my life #i occasionally listened to episodes in 2020-2021 but stopped after the first few episodes #what if i kept going? what if i had finished season one in 2021? would it have impacted me the same? #anyways�� #oughhhhh #ouuuuuu #ououoooouuuu #uuuuuuuoooouuuuu #<- thats me crying :’) #dndads #dungeons and dads #dungeons and daddies #dndads s1 #dungeons and daddies s1 #im so emotional rn

[chrisbangs]

찬이의 Berry’s “방” 🐺 Ep. 172 - Home

#chan #bang chan #stray kids #skz #berry #cb97net #createskz #jypartists #*gifs #*m #ive never been so happy in my life.. i swear to you #this colouring is so bad but i do not even care #thats how happy i am rn.. #im so tired and feel so exhausted but #im so happy... #he's really home... #my heart feels so fuzzy... #this is such a warm feeling... #im so happy for him #i cant explain the way i felt when his voice came on during the tiktok live (?) with lix #m heart flew into my throat #i love him somuch #i feel dizzy #i cried so mcuh #AND FINALLY.. new berry content <3 #fnaowiefnowaefiwa #my baby girl... HIS BABY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! #who else CRIED..>??? #i need to be locked away in my cage again

[spaciebabie]

does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.

#spacie spoinks #bruh #like. while im experiencing it i wish so badly that i wasnt 😭 #i feel disgusted. is this what romantic repulsion is??? #cuz like ill be experiencing all the lovey dovey stuff yk #''ooohb i wanna kiss dem oooh what if we help hands'' romantic crap but its like. anxiety inducing #like it feels awful??? is this normally how it feels?? i dont like it. #it like. doesnt feel right or natural and im assuming its b/c i just like?? barely feel it ever?? and thats why??? #strange as hell. #i recently felt romantic attraction 2 someone (it has been 2 or 3 years since i last felt it) and it came on really strong for like #a week and that was like the worst week of my life #i couldnt think abt anything else but them like it wasnt even like. fantasies or anything just like. #the concept of them. my brain would just be like ''hey remember this guy'' #I LIKE COULDNT SLEEP #HOW DO YOU PPL ENJOY THIS???? #me; clutching my head for ~a week: AUUUGH!! THE PERSON!!! THE PERSON!!!!! #im so serious this is how it feels w/springtrap. hes like a blight on my psyche #the feelings have faded mostly i think. i think im normal abt them again (thank god) #its so strange. i think a romantic relationship would be fun but then i start feeling the feelings and its. awful. #so horrid #also like. im considering that maybe the relationship i would like some day isnt romantic but a qpr #idk. ive never been in any kind of serious relationship (never wanted 2 and have never been approached for it) #sometjing 2 think abt i guess? #anybeans. i tire. #hope i never experience that again #ik that like in 2-3 years ill be like: ''man. idk what past spacie was talking abt. would be nice 2 feel romantic attraction again'' #NO SPACIE IT WONT!!! REMEMBER!!!!!! REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

[rachedurst]

I never really understood this idea that if you enjoy a piece of fiction you want it to keep coming and coming endlessly. No matter how attached I am to a group of characters, if I had the choice I'd always prefer a short but finished concluded piece than something where seasons get added On And On And On And On until everyone is flanderized and the entirety of it falls flat.

#moontalk #media critique #netflix #its like. a few years ago i watched this show on Netflix called broadchurch i think #murder mystery thing where the premise is solving the murder of a child #so i watched it and then the story was over and done with after the first season and the murder was resolved and i was like yep #thats a good ending to that very conclusive #and im like yay what a good show. and then i see theres other seasons #and idk i feel like the expectation is to be excited but i just felt disappointed? #like the story is done. its over. i dont want more seasons im happy with it the way it is #idk how common this is though like is the idea that you want everything to continue #smth that capitalism just feeds us and people dont actually feel that way? or is this really how most people #feel about stories #IDK MAN I JUST. dont like stuff that keeps continuing it just feels like it doesnt actually know what it wants to Tell the viewer through #its art

[dayurno]

my advice for anyone whos growing more and more frustrated with the state of aftg and fandom at large is that arguing is fun but you need to be happy. ok. you need to. its hard when bad faith takes are dropped to your doorstep but you need to be happy and enjoy yourself and have fun or there's no point in anything at all ever. ok. fandom is not real and nothing is worth more than your enjoyment. i love you please make sure to have fun and reach out to a friend today. for me

#this goes doubly for fans of color if i'm honest #i say this bc a lot of my mutuals either currently or in the past have been very upset about how the fandom acts #and ive Done My Rounds with that ok #ive survived great wars even. and they did not make me happy #yes i was right and yes i should have said it but ultimately there was no material harm to choosing to have fun instead #lifes hard as it is in the real world where real things happen why would you waste your precious fun time on fighting crusades #and trust me i understand deeply the wish to fight crusades. Ive Fought Them. it got me hate mail and #an overall loss of passion for something i held sincerely in my heart #theres nothing more worthy than your enjoyment im serious. none of this is real and the world is hard out there #you need to get a good thing while u can #i dont remember a single time where ive actually felt vindicated by arguing with people online about. anything really but even more so aftg #but i remember in perfect and fond detail every time the (now defunct) kandreil discord server came up with an au #or even just normal casual conversation #i remember asks i got years ago about kevin day hcs that i hardly even agree with now but still love #trust me you will Not remember these squabbles what you will remember is what you loved and if youre lucky thats a lot of memories #so have fun ok. for me #txt