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mychoombatheroomba · 28 days

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Hard Truths

Between the Bones (Leon x GN! Reader) - Chapter 37

The squad learns what they're up against, and Krauser gives Leon some brutal advice. As per usual.

(Cross-posted from Ao3)

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There was no return to normalcy. No getting back into a comfortable cycle of pain and perseverance. How could there be, when the squad reported for First Call and you weren’t there? Leon had always felt galvanized in your presence. Your strength was his own. When he felt like he wasn’t sure he could go on, you’d been there, urging him forward. As morning drills began that first day, it wasn’t just his aching muscles and bruises that held him back.

You can’t let yourself fall behind with me.

His time in STRATCOM had taught him that he had a bit of a problem with authority, but he obeyed your words anyway.

Even if it would mean moving past you.

Even if it meant listening to the teachings of the men who did this to you, because true to his promise, Hellman was there to greet the squad for morning drills. Krauser looked just as angry as he had the day before. If the Major’s smile meant a world of hurt for the recruits of the US Strategic Command, then what did his scowl mean?

Leon supposed he would be finding out soon.

It was the final phase of training. That was what Krauser announced that first morning; that in eight weeks, if he and the others could pass the tests, they would graduate and be assigned into service. He would be an operative of STRATCOM. An agent of the United States.

Not a soldier.

Not what you or any of the others had been before this, but an agent, like Reed and Hellman. The two would indeed be assisting Krauser in training, offering lessons in the more shadowed of services. Secrets and broken locks and false names. The blacked-out text on a report. That was what he would become.

That was what he would become without you.

Six weeks until you recovered.

Eight weeks remaining in training.

The number was sobering. Staggering. The other recruits, the rest of his squad, didn’t know what that meant yet. They weren’t aware of what they were about to be facing down.

They would learn soon enough, though.

They would learn about Raccoon City, about the bioweapons created by Umbrella, and then they would graduate and be sent off to fight nightmares made flesh. They would be forced to see and fight and kill things that Leon had never imagined before that one night last September.

Eight weeks before they were all sent to hell.

And while he would be out there, fighting, you would be stuck here, trying to catch up for the time you lost. He tried not to let himself get lost in that thought too much as he pushed his injured body through Krauser’s ever-more difficult exercises - and Krauser’s still-sharp glares. The pain of it all was familiar enough now that he could endure it. He ran harder and faster, strained through the near-failing of his muscles as he carried the ammunition case across the obstacle course, not letting himself drop the added weight. He did all of that because he knew that, in eight weeks, his newfound strength and speed might be all that saved his life from some newfound horror.

And, however he felt about them, he knew that whatever skills Reed and Hellman were here to teach might do the same. So, he swallowed his anger when he reported to the two agents with the rest of the squad later that day, gathered together in a room that reminded Leon of his time in the police academy, with desks and a projector.

He didn’t bother to hide his sneer when Hellman began his speech. Even as he was reminded of who the real enemy was.

“You were all chosen for STRATCOM based on exemplary performance or impressive feats,” Hellman began, and again, Leon was put off by just how different he sounded, now. How genuine. “Most of you have served with distinction, and I have no doubt that you would have had impressive careers - that you still will . . . but now that you are on this path, it isn’t glory that you’ll be getting. There won’t be medals or ceremonies. What would have brought you accolades before can never be spoken of, now. Your service will be hidden from the world, because you will be keeping that world safe from threats that it can never know are real.

“You will be the first line of defense against things the world has never seen. You may not receive glory for it, but your country will owe you a debt it can never repay.”

The noble sacrifices.

Leon tried not to scoff at Hellman’s wording, because he made it sound so heroic. Leon knew better. He knew that they wouldn’t be the unsung knights in shining armor. They would be the living shields for the world. Ones that would be cast aside when they broke at last, just as Andersen and the others already had been.

But who else could it be?

“And what exactly is it that we’re going to be fighting?” Valeria asked, not bothering to offer respect to the man who hadn’t earned it. “Who was so dangerous that you had to fucking torture us to test our strength?”

Hellman didn’t react to her insubordination, but Leon tensed because Valeria very nearly hadn’t been allowed to be here.

Just like him.

We’ll need every soldier we can get.

That and Krauser’s influence had been all that spared them. That knowledge that the fight they were preparing for was unlike anything the world had seen before, against an enemy unlike any other.

“The Umbrella Corporation.”

Confusion was the first thing that Leon felt in the room. “The pharmaceutical company?” Alejandro clarified with a raised brow. “We’re going to be taking down people in lab coats?”

He didn’t know. None of them did. But Leon had reacted the same way, once. He’d not believed Ada when she’d told him that the company had created the horrors that now haunted his dreams and waking moments alike. Then he’d seen it firsthand. He owed a bullet-sculpted scar on his shoulder to one of those people in lab coats. And he owed months of restless nights to them too.

“Not the scientists, necessarily,” Hellman shook his head, and Reed stepped forward.

“Breathe a word of what you see in this room, and you will be tried for treason.” That was all the warning that was given before he reached forward. The agent flipped a switch on the projector to turn it on, and laid a semi-transparent image over the glass. There were murmurings of disgust. Surprise. Confusion. For Leon, though, it wasn’t some newfound terror. Even blurred and black and white, the image was one Leon recognized immediately. Rotting flesh falling away from bone and muscle. Teeth bared and darkened with viscera. A hand with bloodied nails reaching towards the camera.

Leon’s body reacted before his mind. Muscles tensing. Heart stuttering. He had to repress the urge to run. To aim his gun and fire desperately, even if he was sitting in a room miles and months away from Raccoon City. Even if he was just looking at an image taken from what had to have been that night or the days before it.

It was good - or, perhaps, not so good - to know that his memory when it came to the zombies was clear. Crystal and cruel.

“You’ll be fighting the bioweapons they create.” Hellman announced, letting the knowledge sink in.

There it was. The truth that Leon had wanted the men and women around him to know. And now that it was there, he almost felt guilt for that, too. Guilt, because he wished he didn’t have the knowledge he possessed.

No. Better they know. Better they’re prepared.

“This image was taken during the Raccoon City outbreak, and is just one of many reported variants of bioweapons that were found in the city.” The energy in the room shifted, then, because even if they didn’t know the truth of the matter, everyone in the country had heard of Raccoon City. The strange disease that had broken out, and the city’s destruction to keep it from spreading. Not untrue, Leon supposed. Just omitting key details. Redacted information. Cover-ups. He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised that this was the path his life would take, going from one ghost-story to another. And even now, it seemed there would be more lies of omission. “According to our intel, there was an accidental release of viral weaponry in Umbrella labs beneath Raccoon City. Reanimation of corpses as well as drastic, fast-acting mutations were characteristics of said viruses. They were transmitted through water contamination and, later, through bites or scratches. The viruses escaped into the city and reports of violent individuals started popping up in mid September. By September thirtieth, the situation was deemed uncontainable.”

And then Raccoon City, along with the monsters in it and those people still trying to survive within it had been wiped off the map. Nevermind that this had happened because one doctor had offered the US that same viral weaponry in exchange for his safety. Nevermind that maybe none of this would have happened if they’d just taken the man into custody from the start.

Leon supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised by the exclusion of that information, either. These men needed everyone in this room on their side. On the country’s side.

“This is what the Major’s been training you for. Fighting against something that can wipe out a city in a week,” Hellman went on, clasping his hands behind his back. "We will endeavor to teach you how to avoid that fight. How to find the people responsible for the creation of these bioweapons before they can utilize them.”

Tracking down Umbrella before another outbreak could happen, in other words. Cutting the head off the snake before it could bite anyone else.

Too little, too late, Leon knew, because the cat was out of the bag, now. If the US knew, then other countries probably did too. Umbrella was a company. They would protect their interests, their assets. Viral weaponry that could “wipe out a city in a week” had to look good to someone out there. It had looked good to the US, after all.

“The training we give you in the following weeks will never be complete,” Hellman warned, pale eyes sweeping the room of soldiers in front of him. “We could never give you full CIA-level instruction in time to send you after Umbrella. What we can give you are the tools we believe will help you to find and stop them.”

Not soldiers. Not CIA. Something else. New weapons for a new war.

“They have facilities across the world,” Reed said, speaking in that usual cold timbre that made Leon’s hackles rise. “You’ll need to learn to adapt to new environments. Speak new languages. Pass where you’re not supposed to.”

“And if we’re caught somewhere we’re not supposed to be?” Alenko asked from Leon’s side, picking up on what Reed was implying immediately.

Leon already knew the answer before Hellman even spoke it. “The world can’t know about our operations any more than they can know about Umbrella’s research,” he said, adding to the gravity of the room. “But you were all chosen for your skill, and allowed to continue this training for the strength of your wills.” For holding out under interrogation. Leon didn’t miss how Reed’s eyes landed on him, then. He ignored that biting gaze, just as he’d been ignoring Krauser’s all day.

“So if we get captured, if we die out there,” Alenko went on, his usual jovial tone gone, “then we shouldn’t expect anyone to come get us. That’s what you’re saying?”

To his credit, the look Hellman gave in return actually looked understanding. Sympathetic, even. That didn’t change the fact that he was promising them unaided struggles and unmarked graves. “As I said, your work won’t bring you glory. But it will be more important than anything you’ve done in your lives.”

Lives that could be turned into hollow shells. That could be warped and mutated into mindless violence.

With or without the influence of a virus.

But with nowhere to go but forward, Leon tried not to let those thoughts rule him. There were other things to think about.

Things that the rest of the squad were thinking of too, by the time dinner rolled around.

It had been quiet for so many reasons since the interrogations, but now there was an added layer of heaviness. Worry had carved creases across the foreheads of Leon’s squad, a sharp contrast to the exhausted but otherwise unburdened lower-level squads sitting at other tables. Young men and women who didn’t know yet what they would be facing.

“So,” Williams finally said, trying to break the silence with hushed humor, “I guess we’ll all be able to put ‘monster hunter’ on our resumes after this. Not that anyone will ever see those resumes.”

Leon wanted to smile at that, but all he could think of was dead hands and rotting breath and gnashing teeth.

No one else laughed, either, their thoughts no doubt stuck on the images they’d seen earlier. The agents hadn’t told them everything yet. They’d have a hard time doing that in one day. Today was about fear, Leon knew that. Scaring everyone shitless so they’d respect the reality of the situation, like at Fort Benning when Cortez explained how a wrong move in a tank could earn you crushed limbs. With tanks, though, there was a field manual to understand; a list of knowns. With bioweapons . . . “How the hell are we supposed to fight those things?” Alenko asked, keeping his voice down so those cadets who didn’t know what awaited them couldn’t hear.

And Leon knew then that he could help. That he could give his friends an edge before even the CIA did. So, he answered quietly, trying to adopt the easy authority you used when giving corrections in sparring. “The zombies, you shoot in the head,” he said, and all attention at the table turned to him. “Higher-caliber rounds work best. The more of the brain you can destroy, the better.”

His squad looked at Leon like they were seeing him in a brand new light, realization slowly dawning across their faces.

“There are other things, though. Different weak spots. None of them go down easy.” Because even once you knew where to shoot, where to place those bullets, it all came down to whether there was actually an opportunity to do so. Whether one had the ammunition required, or the moment needed to aim. “You have to be smart,” he warned, letting memory weigh down his words, “and you have to know when to run.”

There was a beat of silence as Alejandro leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience, brother.”

All sorts of secrets coming out lately, Leon thought as he nodded once.

“I am. I was there. In Raccoon City.”

He knew how he’d been thought of when he first arrived. He wasn’t blind to the judgmental stares when he’d struggled. The whispers that that kid’s gonna get himself killed. It was strange to be seen by everyone as you’d seen him so early on.

“Son of a bitch,” Alejandro muttered, in disbelief.

“How the hell did you make it out of there?” Alenko asked, and Leon wished he had a better answer.

“Luck.”

That was what it had come down to. His skill with a gun, his ability to think on his feet, they’d helped, but it had been luck that he’d been near those who could save him when skill alone failed him. Luck that had given him the tools he needed to survive. Skill, certainly, but luck was the reason he was still alive.

He couldn’t change luck, though.

So, he would focus on the two of those things that he could control.

⧫⧫⧫

The Major didn’t look happy to see him. Not that it surprised Leon at all.

He’d held out for a few days. He’d been focused in that time on throwing himself into the new lessons Reed and Hellman led. Languages, communication, codes, hell, even some hacking and lock-picking. All skills that may save Leon’s life, but not the ones he’d need if he ever came up against another monster that could fold a helicopter in two. Not that a knife would do much against such power either, he supposed. Still, he wanted to be ready. Had to be. For a while, he thought that he could get away with only sparring with Williams, Valeria and Alenko. Alejandro had joined them, and every so often so would the other members of the squad. Sparring while Leon told them of the hard-earned wisdom he had collected that night in Raccoon City. They were good, there was no denying that. But they weren’t you. They lacked your speed. Your instinct. Your gift for violence, earned not because you were a violent person but because you’d had such unspeakable violence done to you. You’d been a whetstone for his skill, and if all he had was eight weeks, then he needed them to be sharper than ever.

So, he took your advice because you were right. Krauser was the best fighter on base. If you couldn’t spar, then Leon had to find other ways to become better. Even as Major Krauser scowled at him as he approached and all Leon could think of was the fact that he knew.

He knew, and he wasn’t saying anything.

Why wasn’t he saying anything?

How long had he known?

What had he seen?

Another set of thoughts to be set aside. If Krauser wasn’t going to make trouble for you and Leon, then it was a situation that Leon could ignore.

God, he really hoped he could ignore it.

It was a little difficult when the Major kept on looking at Leon like he wished he would cease to exist. Leon thought for certain that the man’s mood would brighten a touch when asked to spar. Beating the shit out of Leon had to be something he’d be interested in, right?

“What? Your friends can’t be bothered?” Krauser grumbled.

“My friends are taking the night off,” Leon shot back, because, frankly, he was tired of the angry glares. Tired of all the bullshit. His time here was ending, and it was Krauser’s job to make sure he survived after the fact. “I need a sparring partner.”

What he got was an ass-kicking. Not that he’d expected otherwise.

Still, Leon allowed himself to be proud of the fact that he actually put up a fight. He remembered sparring with Krauser all those months ago, how easily the Major had wiped the floor with him. It made each strike he earned against Krauser’s skin feel all the more vindicating. He’d gotten used to defeat thanks to you, and he’d always been able to get back up, even before that. A good thing, too, because Krauser was fighting like he had a score to settle.

A kick with the force of a freight train hit Leon in the stomach, sending him falling backwards with a grunt. The Major didn’t waste any time, rushing to the ground with an overhead stab. Leon rolled out of the way just in time, hearing the scraping of metal against dirt. Dust washed over him, sent in a wave by the blade of Krauser’s knife, just enough getting into his eyes that his vision wavered.

Unable to see, his heart rate spiked, trying to urge him to get up. To defend himself. He felt Krauser’s hand close around his wrist - the one whose hand held the knife.

Leon acted quickly, bringing his other hand up, taking the knife. Slashing out almost blindly. Luck was on his side once again as he felt steel scrape against steel, parrying Krauser’s attack. The force of the blades meeting sent tremors through Leon’s arm, and it was through sheer will and memories of your words that he held onto the knife.

His vision cleared and he was in a better position to attack, so he slashed at the Major’s wrist, freeing his own in the process.

The two men got to their feet, putting some distance between each other.

Krauser didn’t look impressed. “Thought with all that extra sparring you’d be better than this,” he said, and Leon wasn’t sure if it was a good sign that he was talking shit. Was it a return to form? Or just more anger? He might have gotten his answer when Krauser went on with words like a slap to the face. “Guess you weren’t really paying attention to the fights though, were you?”

Leon knew it was bait. He could recognize that. Still, it was a shock to the system to hear Krauser imply it so openly. Even as a taunt, Leon hadn’t expected to hear it. It was just enough of a surprise that when Krauser rushed him, the younger man fumbled.

The feint was just fast enough for Leon to fall for it, and as he chased Krauser’s blade with his own - or where it would have slashed across his stomach - he nearly didn’t move fast enough to avoid the slash across his throat. You were fast, but Krauser? It was fighting you but dialed up to eleven, and it was too much for a fatigued and still-bruised Leon to handle. The blunted blade grazed his neck as he threw himself backwards. Off-balance, he nearly found himself losing his footing as Krauser pressed the attack, switching the knife to his left hand and thrusting it forward. Leon twisted his arm, getting his knife on the inside of the attack, his other hand going for the replacement . . .

Too late, and he coughed and sputtered as Krauser swung his knife up and over Leon’s shoulder and sent it point-first into the side of his throat. Even if the Major was pulling the blow back, it landed hard enough that Leon knew he’d have a new bruise tomorrow.

“Sloppy,” the Major shook his head as he pulled the blade away, stepping back.

Leon retreated away, pressing a hand to the newly hurting spot on his neck. The pain was kindling for his anger - he’d moved past the frustrations of losing in these sparring matches, but he felt it now all the same.

So he attacked first, this time. Hoping to catch the Major off-guard.

He nearly had him, too, after a quick exchange. Nearly. Krauser twisted his knife inside Leon’s guard and switched hands again, kneeing the younger man in the gut and then running his blade up Leon’s arm in a move that would have filleted the flesh from his bones if it had been real. Then he pulled the knife away and drove it into Leon’s chest. Another bruise.

“Where’s your focus?” Krauser snarled into Leon’s ear. “Your Sergeant isn’t here. Keep your head in the game.”

Why the fuck was he pressing the issue?

Leon shoved Krauser away - no small feat to make that mountain of a man move - and dropped into another ready stance. Resetting into another round, even as his muscles pleaded with him to stop.

No. He wouldn’t be given a break out there. There would be no mercy.

That was why you’d told him to do this, Leon knew. Krauser was as close to the real thing as he was going to get, if you were unable to fight.

So, Leon charged again. Over and over, even if he ended up on the ground nearly every time. It was those first few weeks with you all over again. Near-victories followed by crushing defeats. All ushered in, Leon knew, by Krauser’s taunts. The Major was all too aware of that fact, as he swept Leon’s legs out from underneath him. His back hit the ground yet again, and this time Krauser didn’t even bother to go for a pin or a finishing move.

“What did I tell you about being distracted?” the Major sneered, tossing his knife up and catching it in one smooth motion. “Because it’s the people who get distracted out there that end up dying.”

“I’m not-”

“Don’t bullshit me. You have a weak spot and you’re letting me exploit it.” A weak spot. Leon had never once thought of you that way. You kept him going. You’d given him strength in the worst days at STRATCOM. Even during the days spent in those cells, the silent looks you would give him often felt like all that was keeping him sane.

And then they’d beaten you in front of him, and Leon had broken.

“You think I’m the only one who will figure it out?” The question was quiet, but cut straight to the bone. It was what you and Leon had talked about, all those nights ago. The last time in days that he’d seen you. And it was killing him. It hurt not to train with you. To get those reassuring looks when no one else was looking.

You’d told him from the beginning that this life didn’t guarantee that the two of you would be together.

He couldn’t let your absence drag him down.

But he was frustrated and hurt, so he looked up at Krauser from the ground with a glare. “Why not report it, then?” Leon challenged, because that question had been eating away at him. “Why not let Reed and Hellman kick me out like they wanted to?”

Krauser’s eyes flashed, and Leon knew that he’d overplayed his hand, admitting that he’d heard that conversation.

“Get up, rookie,” the Major ordered, “and focus, or maybe I’ll change my mind and let them send you home.”

Leon wasn’t sure if Krauser was serious or not, at this point.

Whatever the case, he pushed himself up with a groan anyway, part of him debating just walking away. No. He wouldn’t give in that easily. He never did. So he stood his ground, meeting that disapproving stare that had been fixed on him for the better part of a week. The Major wanted focus? He’d get it. He wanted to talk shit? Leon could give as good as he got.

So the younger man raised his knife, still keeping his gaze locked on his opponent. “Maybe you’re the one who needs to focus. Sure are taking an interest in something that’s none of your business.”

Krauser didn’t take the bait, but Leon saw his expression shift. His brow creased further, his eyes glinting. He thought that maybe he'd hit a nerve, but that moment of emotion was gone quickly. “That the best you’ve got?” he asked, and then Leon was on the defensive again, blocking quick strike after quick strike. Their hands moved fast, and Leon’s mind never once wavered from the task in front of him. Right up until he ducked under a swing, his blade held parallel to the ground, and ran it straight across Krauser’s side. He followed the move through, ending up at the Major’s back, going for a killing blow to the spine. It didn’t quite land as Krauser whirled around, knocking Leon’s arm out of the way. Another side kick distanced them, but Krauser looked down at his side for a moment, looking at where Leon’s knife had connected.

When he looked back up, he gave an almost reluctant nod of approval. “Not bad.”

It wasn’t much assurance, but Krauser wasn’t you. Leon would take what he could get.

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A/N: Leon said "Why are you so up in my business?" and Krauser did not have a good answer to that question.

Speaking of Krauser . . . I did in fact cave and started writing his lil spin-off, it'll switch between Operation Javier and flashbacks of before, during and eventually after Between the Bones. Because I'm a hooligan. First chapter is out already! Even though I said I was gonna wait but I have no self control, oops. It is absolutely nonessential to the plot of this, and any references made to it will be fully explained in context but uhhhh I like the goofy beret man, so it exists now!

#leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #resident evil x reader #resident evil 2 #resident evil 4 #resident evil #between the bones #gender neutral reader #leon kennedy x you #no y/n #jack krauser

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woman-of-balnain · 1 year

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The Claim Part 4/5 (Alpha Rick x Omega Reader)

Previous Part | Collection Masterlist | AO3 Ver. | Next Part

Pairing: Rick Grimes/Fem!Reader

Summary: With your heat getting closer and closer, along with danger arriving at the farm, Rick finds his resolve snapping.

A/N: The smut in this part is pretty brief, but the main event will be in the next chapter so hopefully it’s worth the wait. Also this part is LONG but I didn’t want to split it.

Warnings: Some smut (honestly just a quickie this time), oral (male receiving), Irrationally Possessive Rick, age gap (Rick is 13 years older than you), you are 24 and Rick is 37, A/B/O dynamics, Reader is female and wears traditionally feminine clothing.

Word Count: 5,772

Dividers by: @newlips + @cafekitsune

You couldn’t keep the smile off your face as you and Rick headed back to the farm, his hand holding yours. It didn’t last long though, when you spotted your father standing on the porch, eyes burning into the two of you. Hershel’s disapproving gaze made all of the happiness fly out of you and you tried to pull away from Rick.

“Don’t,” was all he said to you, keeping your hand firmly in his grasp. “We’ll talk to him.”

You wanted to argue, to put off the inevitable. But that was just the thing; your father had already seen enough, especially now that he was seeing the way Rick kept you close. There was no escaping the conversation anymore.

So, you just nodded and let Rick guide you right up to the porch where Hershel waited with his stern gaze. He didn’t even say anything, just gave you both another look before he turned and headed inside, clearly expecting you both to follow.

He led you both to the living room, sitting down on the sofa and looking wearier than you’d seen him in years. Your father had always been protective of his girls, but there was already tension between him and Rick, so you dreaded what he had to say.

The tension in the room caused your instincts to kick in again. You pulled your hand from Rick’s and went to step closer to your father, hoping it might placate him a little if you did.

“Omega,” Rick said lowly, involuntarily halting you in your tracks.

Hershel’s head shot up, glancing between the two of you. It was obvious to you, why he suddenly looked so shocked. Alpha commands had never really worked on you, but one word from Rick, using that tone of voice… it had all of your senses on high alert and your body obeying him instantly.

He didn’t even have to say what he wanted; your body just knew. You let Rick pull you back to his side, his hand finding yours once again. Your father gave you both another displeased look before he gave Rick his full attention.

“This is the last time I’m going to tell you,” Hershel finally said. “I want you and your group gone.”

“Hershel, we can talk about this,” Rick insisted, still not letting go of you.

“We’re done talking,” was your father’s curt response. “I’ve already said everything I need to say.”

“Dad, that’s not fair,” you interjected. “If it wasn’t for Rick and his group, we’d still be naïve about what’s really going on. They can help us protect the farm. We need them.”

Your words were logical, and your father likely already knew the truth in what you said. But that wasn’t the problem. Not anymore.

“And in exchange, I let him defile my daughter right under my nose?”

“Dad!”

“Hershel, I care about your daughter,” Rick cut in. “I won’t do anything to hurt Y/N.”

“You’re a married man,” Hershel retorted. “It doesn’t matter how much you care, that alone is enough to hurt her.”

It annoyed you how they both spoke like you weren’t even there, but for the time being, you kept quiet.

“No, it’s over between me and Lori,” Rick explained.

There was a hint of surprise on your father’s face, but his resolve didn’t waver.

“But you’re not divorced,” Hershel pointed out.

You sighed at his ever-present Christian morals and values.

“It’s not like he can go and file the documents, dad,” you spoke up. “I’m not a child. You can’t just chase Rick away and let them all go out there on the road again. You know it would be a death sentence.”

The thought of Rick leaving was distressing for you, and he seemed to instantly pick up on the change in your scent, his thumb rubbing soothing circles against the back of your hand. Hershel seemed to notice too, and he let out his own deep sigh, indicating that his resolve was cracking, even if just a little.

“Honey,” he said to you. “Let Rick and I talk alone.”

You looked between the two men uncertainly, but when Rick gave you a reassuring smile you just nodded in acquiescence. You didn’t feel good about it, but as you left the room, you tried to just let yourself trust that Rick would work it all out.

Rick could understand, in some sense, where Hershel was coming from, but that didn’t mean he was about to back down. Especially since it concerned his relationship with you.

“You know,” he said, breaking the silence between the two of them that had lingered ever since you left the room. “Even if we do leave, there’s nothing to stop Y/N from coming with us. She’s my omega now, I won’t let anything happen to her. At least with all of us here, she’ll still be with her family.”

“I’m sure you saw Lori as your omega too,” Hershel shot back. “But you never claimed her, your own wife. My reservations about this aren’t unfounded, Rick. If you don’t claim Y/N either, how can you truly protect her?”

Hershel’s words brought Rick back down to reality. He had a point, even if he misunderstood a little. Rick did want to claim you. He wanted it badly. Hershel just didn’t realise that he couldn’t because of whatever thing was broken and defunct inside of him.

In truth, it took everything in him to not fuck you senseless earlier, when you’d asked him to. But he knew what you’d be expecting once he did. You’d expect him to mark you and he wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet.

He wasn’t ready to see the disappointment in you at his biggest flaw. So, he’d used your upcoming heat as an excuse, hoping to put it off just a little longer.

“It’s not by choice,” Rick finally admitted, unable to look the older man in the eye. “I tried. With Lori. It never took for either of us. We saw doctors, experts… none of them could explain it. They had theories, but… nothing realistic. Once her and Shane claimed each other, that made it obvious that I’m the problem.”

He wanted to be upfront with Hershel, because ultimately, the man was your father and he deserved to know. The older man’s features softened at the admission, some understanding finally dawning on him.

“Does Y/N know?” He asked, his tone much calmer now.

“No,” Rick admitted.

Silence fell over them again, as Hershel took a moment to process what Rick had told him. Still, it was obvious that the older man’s feelings of anger and disapproval were dying down.

“You know, alphas have never been able to give her commands,” Hershel finally revealed. “She was always able to fight it. Until just now. With you.”

Rick was unsure where Hershel was going with that particular revelation, so he kept quiet, giving the older man a look of confusion.

“Maybe she just didn’t want to fight it with you,” the older man continued. “Or maybe it’s something else. Based on what you’ve said, I have a theory too… but I’m no expert.”

Rick didn’t allow himself to get his hopes up. He was pretty sure that he’d heard all the theories already. None of them had been realistic though. They’d all been based on myth and legend, not anything that could really be taken seriously.

So, despite his respect for the older man, Rick doubted that Hershel really held any answers.

“I’ll do some reading on it,” Hershel offered when Rick continued to stay silent. “And I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

“Thank you,” Rick found himself saying, even though he still felt that it was useless.

“You’re serious about my daughter?”

“I am,” Rick replied, his tone showing his unwavering certainty. “Claim or not, I’ll do whatever I can to protect her.”

Hershel nodded, though he clearly still had reservations about the whole thing.

“Then you have my blessing,” the older man gave in. “You’re a good man, Rick. I know that, and I know you can keep her safe. But you need to tell her the truth. She deserves to know.”

“I will,” Rick promised.

But the thought filled him with dread. The truth had caused endless problems in his marriage with Lori, and even after such a short time, he knew that he’d never felt like this about her. His need and desire to truly claim you as his own, to bite into you and mark you forever… it was driving him crazy.

The reality that he never would… it endlessly taunted him. But Hershel was right. He would have to tell you sooner or later.

But Rick didn’t even get the chance to discuss it with you. Things always seemed to get in the way. First, there was the issue of dealing with Randall. Under different circumstances, Rick might have fought harder to give the kid a chance.

But after the encounter that the younger alpha had with you in the barn, it didn’t take much convincing for Rick to agree that their prisoner need to be dealt with indefinitely. Dale was the only one to really put up an argument, but with all of the alphas (Rick, Shane, Daryl and Andrea) agreeing that Randall needed to die, there wasn’t much use in the beta man arguing.

Then there was the fact that Rick’s friendship with Shane had slowly begun to get back to normal. His old friend was much calmer now that the threat of Rick and Lori’s marriage was no longer an issue. Besides, he could easily recognise the way your scent was now often mingled with Rick’s and knew the other man had moved on.

That very factor, the traces of your scent, which clung to his clothes and skin, was likely the only thing keeping Rick level-headed in the present moment. He’d been coming back with Shane, after the two of them drove out to get rid of Randall.

They’d decided to do it away from the farm, not wanting Carl to be around. Rick had been disturbed by Carl’s behaviour regarding the prisoner, so Shane had agreed to kill him away from the others. They’d driven out pretty far, just in case. If Randall’s body was found by anyone who knew him, Rick and Shane didn’t want the discovery to lead anyone back to the farm.

Now it was well and truly dark, night having fallen a while ago, and as they drove up to the house, Rick’s worst fears were realised. A herd of walkers, bigger than the one on the highway, surrounded the house.

“Shit,” Shane slammed a hand down on the steering wheel in frustration.

“We’ve gotta get closer,” Rick insisted. “They need us.”

“We ain’t gonna make it through that,” Shane reasoned, his voice betraying the anxiety he also felt for Lori and Carl’s safety.

He was right; the walkers closest to them had already noticed their presence and were slowly making their way to the car. The house seemed like utter chaos, gunshots ringing out and everyone clearly rushing to get to any possible vehicle that would allow them to escape.

The worst part was that Rick couldn’t make anyone out clearly. He didn’t know if Carl was safe, if you were unharmed, if Lori and the baby would be okay… it drove him crazy not to know, but he knew that he had to stay calm and rational. Even if his inner alpha was screaming at him to throw all logic out the window.

“We can try to distract them,” Rick suggested, already putting his window down. “I’ll let off some shots, so we can try to lead them away from the others.”

Shane nodded in agreement, pulling the car into reverse. He kept the speed fairly slow, to keep the walkers interested, but not so slow as to get overwhelmed by them. Rick unholstered his gun, pushing his arm out the window and letting out a shot, drawing more attention to them.

It seemed to work, with a large amount of the walkers turning to follow them. He noticed with some relief that some of the cars drove off and away from the house and he could only hope that his loved ones had made it out.

When they were both sure that there was no longer any activity near the house (made by the living, anyway), they drove off faster, leaving the herd behind. Both men agreed that the highway was the most logical meeting point, so they headed there.

They were the first ones to arrive and the fear both alphas felt permeated through the air. Neither one of them spoke, leaving each other to stew in their own thoughts. One by one, cars started to pull up, showing who had survived.

When Lori showed up with Carl, relief flooded through Rick to know that his son was safe. Shane didn’t waste time in pulling Lori to him, while Carl ran over to his father, the two hugging tightly.

Still, he couldn’t stop worrying about you, anxious that you hadn’t shown up yet. When the sound of an engine running could be heard from behind him though, he was quick to turn around, eyes scanning frantically to see if it was you.

When he saw that it was, with you in the driver’s seat and T-Dog beside you, Rick didn’t care what the others might think and ran up to you. He didn’t wait for you to turn the engine off, opening the door and pulling you out of the car and into his arms.

He went straight for your scent gland, cheek and nose rubbing along the sensitive spot to calm himself down. Your arms wrapped around him instantly, your own relief clear.

“You’re okay?” He asked quietly, pulling away slightly once his fear had settled.

You just nodded, your own eyes frantically searching his body for any sign of harm.

“I’m fine too, sweetheart,” he assured you, taking hold of your chin to bring your gaze back to his.

The relief you felt was clear in your expression and Rick used his hold on you to bring you closer, capturing your lips in a desperate kiss. Your hands grasped tightly to the back of his shirt, holding him as close as possible.

The feel of your lips against his, so soft and perfectly sculpted for him, it made the fear that had clouded his mind wash away. His fingers became tangled in your hair, unwilling to let go. It was only when the familiar rumble of Daryl’s motorbike could be heard approaching, that Rick pulled away.

You looked a little embarrassed at the realization that everyone just witnessed him kissing you, but Rick didn’t care. He was just glad that you were safe. So, he kept you close before turning to see Daryl ride up, with Carol behind him. He was determined not to let you out of his sight again while the group worked out what to do next.

It was hard to adjust to life on the road. The farm, your childhood home, had provided an unmatched safe haven, despite everything else in the world falling apart. Everyone was on edge, and the very clear signs that your heat was only days away just made it worse.

Rick had made it clear that he would be the group’s unchallenged leader and it surprised you that Shane offered no objections. But things seemed calmer between them now, and the other man’s main concern seemed to be Lori and their baby.

When Rick was busy with other things, you sought comfort from your sisters and even from Lori. The older omega woman was one of the few people who didn’t set you on edge with your heat being so close.

But every night, once it was dark and the group had set up camp, you found yourself being dragged off by Rick. He wanted you to himself, away from prying ears and eyes, both of your bodies becoming desperate for each other’s touch.

His possessiveness over you only became more pronounced, and it continued to involve the beta men of the group. That was still perplexing to you, but his more natural concern was Daryl, the only other unmated male alpha around. Rick hated you being anywhere near him, and Daryl wasn’t interested in you at all, so you were both happy to keep your distance from one another.

And besides, in those moments, after dark when you had Rick all to yourself, you finally found some relief and escape from everything else that was going on. But it was becoming more and more difficult to be satisfied without him properly fucking you. So, that’s how you found yourself writing underneath him and begging him desperately again, not caring how needy you might sound.

“Please, alpha…” you whined, hips bucking up against him.

Your panties had been thrown off somewhere by Rick and now your naked pussy was rubbing desperately against his thick, hard cock as he covered your body with his. You didn’t care about the sticks and leaves and dirt against your back, or the fact that a walker (or worse) could come by at any moment. All you cared about was how badly you needed to feel him inside of you.

“Soon, baby,” he promised, lips teasing your scent gland.

You’d produced so much slick that it was dripping down your thighs and letting his cock easily glide up and down your pussy, rubbing against your clit.

“I can’t wait anymore,” you moaned, fingers tangled in his hair. “Please, I need it so bad.”

His hands clutched at your waist, and you knew that he was desperate for it too, so you couldn’t understand why he was still holding back.

“What do you need?” He asked teasingly, now peppering kisses along your jawline. “You want me to stretch you out with my cock?”

“Mmm,” you moaned, imagining how it would feel.

“Want me pound into you until I fill you up with my cum?”

“Oh god,” you breathed out. “Please, alpha, I want that now…”

“Me too, baby,” he admitted, his cheek rubbing against yours tenderly and tickling your skin with the short hairs of his beard. “Fuck… I wanna feel your tight pussy around me, squeezing me, milking me dry.”

“Please,” you whimpered again, unable to say anything else.

“Just a little…” he relented. “’til you cum.”

You were suddenly a lot more aware, unsure if you’d heard him right. But he didn’t leave you wondering for very long, before he was lining his cock up at your entrance. Just the feel of the tip pressing against your pussy, almost but not quite inside you… it drove you wild.

His cock was longer and thicker than anything you’d taken before. You’d only been with betas in the past and they couldn’t even begin to compare with Rick. As he pressed against the tightness of your pussy, he seemed to know that he should take it slow.

You could see how he was using every ounce of his control not to just fuck you mercilessly. His brow was furrowed, and his eyes were squeezed tightly shut.

Slowly, he pushed into you and both of you were unable to hold back the deep moans of pleasure that escaped your lips.

“Fuck, baby,” he groaned, head falling to your shoulder. “You’re so tight…”

Your snug walls stretched around him, getting accustomed to his generous size and it was euphoric to you. The amount of slick coating your pussy made it easier for him to enter you and you couldn’t hold back any longer.

You lifted your hips up to meet his, desperate for a little more friction and it seemed to make his resolve snap. He had a firm grip on you, hands on either side of your waist, before he pulled out and then pushed back in at a rapid pace, moving deeper than before.

Your back arched, pressing your chest against his. Rick’s hold on you tightened, as he used your body like an anchor, holding himself steady as he thrust into you. The tension that had already been building up in your lower stomach was teetering at the edge.

You were so close, now that he was finally inside you, filling you up and taking over all of your senses.

“You’re mine,” he murmured against your neck, lips once again pressing kisses to your gland.

It was more like he was trying to convince himself of the fact, rather than you. So, you held him closer, your pussy squeezing down harder on him in the process.

“I’m yours,” you promised him, voice breathless and lost in the ecstasy of all the things he was making you feel.

His teeth nipped against your gland, and it caused a shiver of desire to crawl up your spine. It felt so right, and you wished that he would bite down properly, breaking the skin and fully claiming you as his. Yet, when he bit just a little harder, teasing the skin but not sinking into it, that was enough.

Your pussy clamped down on his cock in a vice-like grip and Rick’s pace faltered slightly as a result. He got lost for a moment, in the feel of you so tantalisingly tight around him. Your body moved independently of your thoughts, your legs stretching out as far as they would go, quivering from your orgasm. Your head fell back against the ground as you let out a crazed moan, mind dazed from the intensity of it all.

It was only when you came down from your high, your body settling back down onto the ground, that you realised he’d stopped moving. Rick’s expression was strained and tense as he fought the urge to keep fucking you.

He slowly pulled out of you and that was when you realised that he’d been serious about only giving in until you came. You briefly wondered why. He was clearly eager to find his own release and you questioned what could be stronger than that urge.

You decided not to dwell on it, moving to sit up and gently pushing him back. His body fell against the tree behind him, and he was clearly taken off guard by your sudden movement. But as he moved to stand, only to find you getting down on your knees in front of him, Rick seemed to realise your intentions.

“Baby, you don’t have to.”

Despite his words, the desire and desperate need was obvious in his voice, so you just pushed his jeans down a little further, giving you more access to his cock. You were both still mostly clothed and in the back of your mind you thought of how you couldn’t wait to feel him fully naked against you.

For now, though, you gave all of your attention to his cock, standing proudly at attention, right in front of your eager mouth. You licked your lips in anticipation and reached out, firmly gripping his hardened length. You glided your hand over the velvety skin, before moving your head forward to place the tip between your waiting lips.

“Fuck…” he groaned out, hands instinctively gripping onto your hair.

You moved your hand down so that your mouth could follow, sucking in your cheeks and feeling the veins that stuck out along his shaft with your tongue. His grip tightened, but not painfully so and you continued exploring him.

You could taste your slick on him, but there was also something else that was uniquely Rick. You moaned around his cock, head now bobbing up and down enthusiastically. He let out quiet sounds of his own, letting you know that he was getting lost in the feeling of your mouth wrapped tightly around him.

Every time you moved your head back up his length, you sucked down hard until you reached his tip and released the pressure, licking around the head of his cock. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it, still holding you tightly by the hair and letting out deep, panting breaths.

A small, startled gasp escaped you when his hands pulled you harder against him in a forceful thrust. It caused your lips to reach his hilt, the tip of his cock pushing down into the back of your throat and your nose brushing against his skin.

“God, omega…” he groaned, evidently losing his control.

He pushed your head back before slamming his cock back into you again and you let him. Because you were loving the way that you made him give up any inhibitions, the way he could no longer hold back and the knowledge that it was you doing it all to him.

You gagged a little around him but managed not to give into the reflex. He kept you in place, cock pushed all the way into your mouth for a moment before pulling back once more as he came hard. Your lips stayed enclosed around him, as his cock throbbed and his cum spurted down your raw and aching throat.

When his cock settled and he stopped cumming, he relinquished his hold on you and you pulled your mouth off him. You sputtered a little, mouth and throat sore as you gasped for breath. Rick was quick to reach out for you, his brow furrowing in concern.

“I’m sorry, ‘mega,” he said softly, realizing only then how rough he’d been. “Did I hurt you?”

You shook your head, silently telling him that it was fine, but his worry didn’t ease up.

“Y/N…”

“I’m fine,” you assured him, voice a little rough. “That was…”

You couldn’t find the right words and he didn’t seem convinced, so you just pulled him closer, bringing his lips to yours in a frenzied kiss. You felt Rick’s body relax and while your lips were swollen and a little sore, the feel of his own against yours soothed you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer and pressing your body against his. Rick responded just as eagerly, his arms cradling you to him and his lips bruising yours even more.

“Baby, you’ve got no idea how much you drive me crazy,” he murmured after a moment, resting his forehead against yours.

You caught your breath, just letting yourself enjoy being so close to him.

“The feeling is very, very, mutual,” you admitted with a smile.

You both stayed there like that for a while, letting your bodies and emotions settle before you had to go back to the others. You had begun to treasure moments like these, where it was only you and Rick.

You wanted it to last for as long as possible because it was getting more and more difficult to be alone with him, and you knew that it would just get harder in the future. So, you tried to make the most of it while you could.

It was two days later when you all knew that your heat had arrived. It was only in the early stages, so you still had a little bit of time, but it caused worry to fall over the group, nonetheless.

You were still out on the road, not having found anywhere to settle yet and that was far from the ideal situation for an omega in heat. Let alone since the world had fallen apart.

“Rick, we need to stop,” Hershel commented, looking at you with worry.

Your alpha was clearly on edge, and the reminder that he hadn’t found somewhere safe for you yet seemed to irk his irritation further.

“We can’t,” he insisted.

He eyed the group warily, particularly Daryl and Shane. It didn’t seem to matter that the latter was already mated, he clearly didn’t want anyone around while you were in heat. Let alone two other alphas.

“Brother, you need to go and find somewhere for Y/N to get through her heat,” Shane spoke up, eyeing Rick imploringly.

“I’m not leaving her,” Rick argued, eyeing you protectively.

"If you stick around, you're gonna go into a rut," Shane retorted.

“Rick…” you pleaded with him. “I can’t stay out here…”

Your legs were weak, and you were sweating all over. He gave you a long look before reaching out to stroke your cheek.

“I need you safe,” he said lowly, intending for only you to hear him.

“I’ll be fine here for a while,” you assured him. “But Shane’s right.”

His jaw clenched and he was clearly having some kind of internal struggle, but eventually Rick nodded, relenting. You pulled him to you for a quick kiss and he didn’t seem to want to let go but did anyway.

You watched as he picked up the backpack he’d been carrying around, the one where he’d been storing whatever water and food he could find, in order to prepare for your heat.

“I’ll come with you,” Glenn offered. “In case you run into any walkers.”

Rick just nodded in response, casting one last glance back at you before he told the others to stay put until he returned. Then, he and Glenn left, and silence fell over the group. You walked over to the nearest tree, leaning against it as your symptoms continued to get worse.

A long amount of time passed, and you grew increasingly worried for Rick and Glenn. The sun had almost set, and you could no longer contain your whimpers of pain and discomfort. Shane was pacing around, high strung as his patience started to wear thin.

“Daryl, go help her,” he finally said, speaking to the only other alpha present.

“What?” Daryl snapped, annoyed. “She ain’t mine.”

“She’s not Rick’s either,” Shane retorted, his own anger growing. “Not really. And she needs something until he gets back.”

You exchanged a glance with Daryl, your eyelids droopy and sweat coating your body uncomfortably. You could tell he was just as put off by the idea as you were.

“She sure as hell smells like she’s his,” Daryl barked back, his nose crinkling in aversion. “I can smell the stink from here.”

That shouldn’t have already been the case, before Rick had even claimed you. That is, the notion that your scent repulsed Daryl, indicating you belonged to another alpha.

“Look man,” Shane seethed. “We don’t know when he’ll get back and if she doesn’t keep it down, she’s gonna attract walkers eventually.”

As if on cue, another involuntary sound escaped your lips as a jolt of pain spread through your abdomen. Your eyes squeezed shut and every fibre of your being seemed to ache for Rick.

“Fine,” Daryl grit out, sounding as reluctant as you felt. “C’mere then.”

You peeled your eyes open to see him begrudgingly holding his arms out to you. As much as you didn’t want him to be the one comforting you, your body moved over to him, nonetheless. It was awkward and felt off somehow, to climb into his lap and press against him.

His scent was all wrong, as was the feel of his body touching yours. Daryl uneasily moved one arm around you, patting your back in his own strange way of offering you some comfort. But when your nose pressed against his scent gland, there was still that unmistakable sense of him being an alpha and it gave you at least a small semblance of relief.

Your hands clutched tightly to the front of his shirt, and you pressed your face closer to his neck, breathing in deeply. Daryl let out a huff of annoyance but made no move to stop you. He was clearly aware that it was also reluctant on your part, but it still needed to be done.

You were curled up against him for a while, practically straddling him as your body tried to get whatever comfort it could from his close proximity. It was never enough though, and in your mind, you pleaded over and over for Rick to come back soon.

You sensed him before anything else. It was like your body was hyperaware of his presence, whenever he was nearby. That recognition came before his scent flooded through to your nose, overcoming Daryl’s despite the other alpha being closer to you. Then it was his footsteps that you noticed before they came to an abrupt halt.

“You gonna come an’ take her, or what?” Daryl snapped at Rick, clearly more uncomfortable than ever.

If you weren’t clinging so tightly to him, he probably would have shoved you away as your scent picked up in intensity, responding to your alpha’s return. He didn’t seem to waste a second, striding over to Daryl, not seeming to notice the way you shivered because the other alpha wasn’t enough, or the way Daryl was rigid and awkward.

Rick just saw red, ripping you away from the other alpha and into his arms, turning you so that you were pressed tightly against his chest. He didn’t care that the rest of the group was watching, he just buried his face in your neck, breathing you in and hating the faint smell of another alpha he detected there.

“Omega,” he growled out, tone full of warning.

You paid it no mind, just happy that he was finally back, and that his scent was enveloping around you like it was supposed to be. You tilted your head up, seeking out his own gland and lavishing it with attention. You kissed and licked and sucked, rubbing along it before your teeth sank down pulling at the skin a little in desperation, but never biting through.

Rick held you even tighter against him and you very vaguely thought you heard Glenn explain that he and Rick had managed to find somewhere for you to spend your heat. But then your undivided attention was focused back on your alpha. And as his scent continued to wrap around you, you realised that Rick had gone into a rut.

“Stay here until we get back,” you heard Rick ordering the others.

You pulled away slightly, looking around you in a daze, your mind caught up in your heat and how desperately you needed to be alone with Rick. In that brief moment though, you caught the look of concern on Shane’s face, worried by how his friend was so possessive and almost animalistically protective over you.

But then he nodded, silently showing that he would take care of the group in Rick’s stead. Then your alpha was demanding all of your attention again as he took you back the way he’d come from so that you could finally be alone in whatever place he and Glenn had found.

Next Part

#rick grimes x reader #rick grimes x f!reader #alpha!rick grimes x omega!reader #alpha rick grimes #omega reader #fem reader #rick grimes fanfic #rick grimes smut #twd fanfic #the walking dead fanfic #rick grimes x you #rick grimes/reader #rick grimes/you

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nicomrade · 6 months

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On being lost in the Labyrinth; a Souichi Kiruma and Kaoru Yukiide joint analysis.

I've been wanting to write about Souichi for a while now, but Usogui is BIG and DENSE and goes a LOT of places and Souichi (/Hachina Naoki/Hal) has unstable memory and his role in the story varies a lot (sometimes antagonist, deuteragonist, love interest, side-kick, … ) so... To properly talk about this in one coherent, whole way I had to limit my scope by A LOT so I'm going to look at Souichi through the lense of Kaoru Yukiide, the ways they mirror each other, where they differ and what it means for the broader themes of both Souichi's story and Usogui (manga) in general. And try my hardest to stay on topic.

The full piece turned out almost 7k words long so join me for a bit of a journey under the cut! I included as many images as tumblr allowed me to and it's sectioned in 6 parts including the short prologue so it's hopefully not too hard of a read. Cheers! 🐜🐝

0. Prologue

Kaoru Yukiide is a minor antagonist for the 1st part of the Labyrinth gamble (chapters 83 to 104) of Usogui. His active participation feels almost cut abruptly short but this is indicative of the kind of character he is. He’s no Sadakuni and no Vincent Lalo, he’s just Yukkii. But in those 20 chapters he’s given a full inner world and a full character arc. He is a complete character.

He was diagnosed at 12yo with Encephalitis lethargica (“sleepy sickness”) and at 15 he went into a coma. He’s the son of a police official involved in framing innocent people for crimes the wealthy committed, all for the sake of “keeping order”. His father framed his own wife in one of these schemes, and eventually took the blame for a higher-up’s crime himself. This is a duty and fate Kaoru inherited after waking up from his 10 years coma. He’s now the one who frames innocent people and he, too, will shoulder a death penalty for something he didn’t do. This catastrophic loss to Baku not only condemns his life it also made him realize how twisted his actions and his idea of order have been and it triggers another catatonic episode in him. He’s a character who’s been deeply hurt by following along with what his parents taught him was right without questioning it, and when this worldview crumbles, so does he. But his epilogue in chapter 147 is a happy one! Kaoru wakes up, and yes he now has to come to terms with all the harm he’s done and he feels like it would’ve been better if he’d stayed functionally dead, but he has people who care about him and who will help him. You are never truly alone, things can always get better, you CAN break free from your family’s Labyrinth.

I think Kaoru’s generally an easy character to find hope in- as someone who caused immense harm, but who was still a victim of his circumstances and got to have a second chance at life. In-story we have Marco who comments on the two of them being the same and a lot of what I will discuss here will apply in some measure to him too as a mentally ill character with an abusive dad. However, I find he has striking similarities with Souichi’s story specifically, and looking at the two together can help us shine a light on the complicated fate at the heart of Souichi’s character. I realize by using Kaoru as a tool to talk about someone else- a means to an end and not his own person- I’m perpetuating the very workings of his abuse. I’m sorry Yukkii :(

I. Inheritance

Souichi and Kaoru are both successors to their fathers and they were raised to follow in those footsteps. Souichi, as a Kiruma, is a member of a “sinful bloodline” and was always going to be 21st Leader of Kakerou. His dad raised him this way and put him under Eba’s guidance all so he could stand at the top of Kakerou- the ones who make sure the rules are obeyed perfectly.

[1. Vol 37 Ch. 404 Duwang translation 2. Vol. 9 Ch. 93 Easy Going Scans translation]

Kaoru was not strictly raised as a successor in this way but he inherited this vision of order from his dad, one where the ants that step out of line must be killed. Both him and Souichi are sons who took on that very heavy duty to “keep order” after their respective fathers, and they both became orphans from it. Kaoru’s mom was sacrificed by her husband, and then he sacrificed himself too, leaving Kaoru alone when he woke up at 25. Similarly, Souichi’s mom died before he was born and he will lose his father during the course of the story. He was orphaned, too.

This is not to imply that Tatsuki Kiruma (Souichi’s father) had a personality like Yukiide senior. Kaoru’s dad is characterized as borderline abusive, he is refused any real kind of redemption as we don’t even have a first name or a face to put on him during the Paper Labyrinth chapters. He is the shadow that haunts Kaoru, and he is talked about as the origin of this specific worldview. Tatsuki was an odd father but he was not responsible for his wife’s death and he, too, inherited this fate from his own parents. He is not the root cause of Souichi’s ill. Where Kaoru was lied to and manipulated into following in his father’s footsteps, Souichi became leader willingly. This is getting to the impact a heavy family history can have on someone (whether forced onto them or embraced by them) more than any one individual father’s harm.

The impact of that family history is shown in Kaoru with his sleepy sickness that makes him literally absent from his own life at times. It is a way for him to escape from the real world and the responsibilities and ideals pushed on him. I think it’s very meaningful that his big episode was triggered at 15, that’s right into his first year of highschool, soon an adult. And this mental harm is also seen in Souichi and his chronic memory loss. His own timeline is more vague than Kaoru’s but I think it’s fair to estimate Souichi was around 15 during the 1998 flashbacks, which is when he has a significant memory loss episode and also when he receives doctor feedback on this illness. It is first said to be without cause but later confirmed this is a way for him to remain “perfect” at all times, by throwing out the memory of his flaws and resetting himself back to a clean slate. This is how he is coping with this responsibility of being (or becoming) leader of Kakerou. In Kaoru, this weight puts him in a coma and creates a 10 years gap in his memory, for Souichi it will lead to him forgetting a length of 10 years after the Tower of Karma arc. Sounds familiar?

[vol42 Ch 454 Duwang translation]

What they’ve inherited from their fathers is not just this responsibility towards order, it is also more literally a spot where they have to resort to playing rigged games. Kaoru’s routine with the Paper Labyrinth game is revealed in the manga to be nothing more than a well-practiced script. We see a similar resort in Souichi for the Flying Vehicles bet where he simply has Baku’s (Kakerou appointed) men betray him. This way of approaching games goes against how the Usogui manga portrays gamblers. As shown in Drop the Handkerchief when Souichi admits re-using these sort of means for this game would not give him a “perfect victory” and when Baku congratulates him on “gambling” for the first time, a gambler in Usogui is not just someone who participates in gambles. They are a kind of person who is able to cling to a low chance of victory and keep to their unlikely plan the whole way through all because they aspire to something better than they already have. They are moving forward with no certainty of what will come of it because the reward is worth the risk to them. We see it in Kaji’s character arc, first someone who is the perfect prey to various scammers but who is then able to keep to his convictions and win the Contradictions game without killing his opponent.

Souichi and Kaoru are much closer to the Kaji in that 7-Stud Poker gamble (who is totally out of his depth the second things don’t go as he thinks they should, who loses large sums of money without truly registering it’s happening) than to him in his face-off against Floyd Lee. Think of Souichi accepting and then losing the bet with Baku on the Missile Launch for a grandiose sum, or how he hides behind Yakou in the tunnel. Kaoru is a volatile character during his games, incapable of thinking on his feet (he freezes completely when Kaji interrupts him), think of his outbursts against Kaji or Kadokura that he frames as righteous. The two of them are only performing for the sake of rules and order. They aren’t gamblers because they don’t have that thirst for something better, their drives are completely extinct. They have accepted their situation despite the harm it’s causing, all for the “greater good”.

[Vol48 ch523 Duwang translation]

Their common obsession with puzzles (Kaoru’s Labyrinths and Souichi’s Rubik’s Cubes) is part of this drive for rules and keeping order. Chapter 101 gives us this narration: "Upon first glance, the bewilderment and fear of not knowing what lies ahead reminds one of disorder. But, in ancient times, people created and solved these [mazes and puzzles] to acquire the feelings of relief and order." This text is illustrated by a jigsaw puzzle, a sliding block puzzle, Picross, Tetris and, on the next panel, a Labyrinth as Kaoru knows them. This explains the symbolism behind the Labyrinth Gamble for the Police Department (“The Labyrinth [...] doesn't just solve unsolved cases, they are being solved at the hands of the police.") but also for Kaoru himself. This is a way to fulfill his own need for order, and this idea applies to Souichi too. The Rubik’s Cubes give him relief throughout the story with too many appearances to list comprehensively. We see it as a memory exercise (post-memory loss in the Hangman tunnel, chapter 64), as a motif on a childhood T-Shirt (chapter 412), it simply helps him think (he’s seen playing with one at Gakuhito’s, chapter 273), and the imaginary cubes in Drop the Handkerchief. This culminates in the Rubik’s Cube becoming a symbol of Souichi himself as made explicit in chapter 521. By seeing himself reflected in the cube he is made to be the object of his own obsession. Solving the Cube then becomes his urge to “solve himself”. It is dehumanizing and belittling of his own (very real!) mental problems to view himself as a puzzle that exists for the only purpose of being solved- and that CAN be solved at all. What’s the “true ending” of the human mind? This is not something that has any answer or exit. We know that by the end of 2008, Souichi has resetted his memory 138 times. Souichi and Kaoru are trapping themselves in their own Labyrinths here.

[1. vol10 Ch101 Easy Going Scans Translation 2. vol48 ch521 Duwang translation]

In a way, Kaoru IS the Minotaur: a son who was locked away to his Labyrinth where he is fed innocent victims regularly, both victim and executioner, all because of his father’s sins. Along with Souichi, they are two kids who were groomed into taking their father’s place and have shouldered the weight that came with it from a very young age, and this weight has formed cracks in their minds. This is their way of coping with their fate: they stop being fully present in their own lives, they stop wishing for more, and they blame themselves.

II. Worker Ant and Prince Bee

It’s made clear during Kaoru’s breakdown that ultimately, he too, was an ant. In that final moment before losing consciousness he remembers how, as a child, he did not crush the ant that had strayed out of line. He’d tried to guide it back with its peers, but it did not follow and was accidentally killed. I think both Kaoru and Souichi are acting a version of this story on themselves, both as the child and as the ant. They are forcing themselves to stay in line, hurting and killing themselves slowly for “the greater good”.

[both vol10 ch102, easy going scans translation]

Souichi is likened to an insect as well within the story, he’s Hachina (“蜂名”, 蜂 “hachi” meaning bee), the Prince Bee, the Lost Bee, etc. From that shared bug symbolism we have to remember Souichi’s super-organism speech- a kind of organism that necessitates the loss of individuality for the well-being of the hive. Tatsuki brings this concept up to say the Private Funeral Division and the police as a whole are in such an organism, which would include Kaoru too. Even only going by the definition it’s easy to interpret him as in such a place, “just a cog in a machine”, and the same can be said of Souichi. They are both included in the ones losing their individuality to keep the system alive: “Even the Queen will draw her blood or sacrifice her life for the system.”. This self-sacrifice is something Souichi takes pride in: “[He] isn’t even worth an insect”. He rationalizes his own resolve to harm himself (“being prepared to bleed”) as something he is doing right.

[both Vol 24 ch 257 Duwang translation]

This loss of individuality is seen in how Souichi’s identity has been fragmented. He is “Souichi Kiruma” when he is acting as Leader and “Naoki Hachina” for public-facing matters- disregard that the two often overlap as seen in chapter 68. He was taught not to "build too deep a relationship with anyone" (chapter 273), and his memory loss routinely erases the memory of his bonds anyway. He allows his personal history to be rewritten for the sake of Kakerou (accepting that he did not face Baku Madarame but Kaoru Yukiide on April 9th 2001) and lastly he positions himself as non-human in his introductory scene with the Alien Invasion speech. This speech will come back a 2nd time during Air Poker when he gains full control of his memory, it is iconic of Souichi’s character and it is worth looking more deeply into.

[Vol6 Ch55 Duwang translation]

The image evoked here is that of an alien leader, “we” means the alien society as a whole- in this case it’d be Kakerou. Just like in the super-organism speech, he views himself as only one element in something much bigger than himself. This really puts the dehumanization into perspective. He’s a bee, he’s a super-organism, he’s an alien. He’s just barely a name, and not even a face. It takes the manga until the very end of chapter 68- the conclusion of the Hangman gamble- to show us Souichi’s face properly. It is completely obscured during the Alien Invasion scene and the referees do not call him by name. He’s just a faceless leader. He’s so little of a person already, and digging into the alien analogy only furthers this idea.

Alien Invasions as a trope also come with the “take me to your leader” shtick, that IS reflected in the story if we look at who Souichi has directly interacted with in the manga. He’s first introduced outside of flashbacks when he personally comes to the Hangman gamble to see Sadakuni, the leader of a terrorist organization. He gambles with Commissioner Sasaoka during the Tower of Karma arc. He invites Vincent Lalo, leader of Ideal, to meet him. He seeks out and shadows Nobuko during Protoporos, who will be crowned King and is shown as the strongest player on the island. Only then does he seek out a meeting with Baku, after he’s won the Ban and has earned that right. The point is, he only really interacts as a Leader and with other Leaders- it’s from one super-organism to another. He only deals with other people as parts of their own collective, this is the same world view as Kaoru’s with his ants that cannot exist outside of the collective. They both dehumanize others and themselves and this is something they’ve inherited from their fathers (the super-organism speech being started by Tatsuki Kiruma).

The dehumanization inherent to their places is also seen in the shadowy figures that haunt Kaoru and Souichi. Kaoru’s represents the memory of his dad, it tells him what to do and what to think, he looks to it for reassurance. Souichi’s takes the shape of a stretched version of himself that act upon him (as an alien does the human it kidnapped, and like Kaoru does to his ants.) These are two strikingly similar manifestations of the inner workings of their suffering minds. More than that, Souichi and Kaoru’s goal, here, is to fully BECOME that shadowy figure that haunts their psyche. That faceless, nameless existence is representative of what’s already succumbed to the super-organism. It’s something that takes over Kaoru when he gives in to the idea that anything can be justified for the sake of order and it’s the part of Souichi that dictates the memory resets. Their shadow is the part of them that’s “prepared to bleed”. It is the ideal ant. Let it be noted, then, that Kaoru becoming one with his is drawn in the same way as Souichi is when we first see him.

[the shadowy figures. Vol10 Ch98 Easy Going Scans Translation + Vol42 Ch454 Duwang Translation]

[Vol 10 ch98 Easy Going Scans translation + Vol 2 Ch 14 Duwang translation]

This is where the comparison takes its full meaning. It is obvious from Kaoru’s story that he is a victim of his situation; that he was manipulated into taking his father’s place by someone he trusted during his most vulnerable moment. He had just lost all that remained of his family, of course he’ll chase after the only thing he has left of it (his father’s spot in the Labyrinth game). Telling him not to is only making him believe that he had more agency in this decision than he really had. Can we say the same for Souichi?

Compared to Kaoru’s worker ant, Souichi holds much more power and freedom. This is reflected in his family situation being healthier and in him willingly stepping to the Leader role instead of being manipulated into it, as discussed previously. It then begs the question, since Souichi realizes that this is harmful to him, that his very humanity is being taken apart, why doesn’t he leave? Being Leader of Kakerou is not a lifelong duty, his dad retired and became referee almost 10 years before he died. Even without an heir to succeed him, couldn’t Souichi find a way? Is the system really worth all this harm?

III. November 23rd 1998

In 1998 Souichi has a memory loss episode and wonders around, following the instructions Eba gave him to find his way back. During this period he meets Baku Madarame and as per the Prince Bee narration they filled the hole in each others hearts.

[Vol30 Ch323 Duwang Translation]

Baku also gave him a new name- Hal- and generally showed him another way of living. One that is much more chaotic, dangerous, but also much more free. This is his alternative to Kakerou and being assimilated into the super-organism. After some time he gets his hands on the clue that will allow him to meet up with Eba, but before that there is a gamble he decides to take. That is the Russian Roulette Poker game against Fukurou on November 23rd. Souichi- Hal- usurped Baku’s place and decided to take the gamble himself. Despite the common in-story interpretation, this was not a sacrifice he made for Baku (see chapter 455). It is something he did for himself.

The reason he takes that gamble is because he’s a man of rules. He wants to stay by Baku’s side but he can’t just abandon his duty at Kakerou like this, and most importantly, he doesn’t want to make the choice himself. To decide for himself has consequences, it’d mean he, on purpose, betrayed his bloodline. It’d mean he broke the unwritten rule that it is his duty, as a Kiruma, to lead Kakerou. So instead, he turns to leaving his fate to a gamble. If he wins, it would be his sign to forsake his Souichi Kiruma life and stay by Baku’s side, but if he loses Hal would die.

There is a suicidal drive in this. We know Souichi did survive his loss and that the gamble took place in the building owned by Eba; there were preparations in place to facilitate his survival. Despite this, it is my reading that he was truly, fully, prepared to lose his life if he couldn’t keep being Hal- if he had to go back to being Souichi. Regardless of his intent at the time (if he did bet on his survival or not) there is weight to that symbol. Hal- Souichi- put a gun to his head because he yearned for something else, and in chapter 321 as Souichi in 2001 explains that he’ll kill himself if Baku wins Surpassing the Leader, we are then shown a scene from November 23rd of a black-suited man laying on the floor, presumably dead. This was suicide, if not on a literal level, on a symbolic one. It really did “kill Hal”- the only part of him that didn’t belong to Kakerou.

[Vol 30 ch321 Duwang translation. Notice the date on the clock.]

This leaving of things to fate brings us back to the Alien Invasion speech again, but in a flipped perspective of it. Another big part of alien stories is the alien abduction. Its appeal as a trope is the fantasy of being forcefully taken away and changed forever. Now, Souichi would no longer be the alien but the human the aliens act on. It’s an inversion of our original reading of it and it does position Hal in the picture instead. In a way, he has already been “taken away and changed forever” in 1998. His thread to return home was intercepted by Baku (the Prince Bee picture book) and he had to follow him into this new lifestyle. He feels like he “will never be able to become [himself] again” (chapter 321). But the aliens always bring the person back home in the end, and they have to carry on with that memory (and alien abduction stories also come with their share of memory loss, another one of Souichi’s motifs). What I really want to get to here is this duality of the invasion speech. On one hand, Souichi is the Aliens and a part of something greater, and on the other, Hal is the individual being taken away.

[Vol30 Ch321 Duwang translation.]

Souichi will try to escape his fate of being the alien again. During the Lost Bee arc, he has another major memory loss incident and he flees so he can meet with Eba secretly (having forgotten that Eba is now dead). During that escape he meets Baku again and from there the Protoporos arc starts, an arc where Souichi willingly takes on the name of Hal again. He will cling to this identity, seeking out his missing memories (chapter 449 for one exemple), looking for that place outside of Kakerou’s reach once more. Just for a little while, he is indulging in this special permission he is given to be Hal until the Ban ends. Then, the game is over and he has to be Souichi Kiruma again. Hal goes back to the dead, reburied, it’s over, it’s gone.

[vol43 ch469 Duwang translation]

This is also relevant to the end of Air Poker. During the game, he realizes that his systemic erasure of memories under stress will make him lose, that this aim to be perfect has rotted his brain, and that it’s nothing but a pipe dream (chapter 455). He finally accepts the fact that every person is flawed- only to then turn around and decide that therefor he has to try even harder to be perfect. He views his newfound control over his memory, of what he forgets and what he keeps, as proof of his extraordinary being. He thinks that even though no human can, HE can get close to perfection. It’s Icarus building himself a 2nd pair of wax-wings and giving the sun another try. The mythological comparison applies a bit further than that too. Icarus is the son of the architect of the Labyrinth. His father warned him not to fly too low or too high, which is to say not to want too little or too much. Tatsuki taught Souichi that “to be able to enjoy a delicious meal, to feel pain when you see blood, or wanting to avoid being hurt and hurting others" that is the default state of being he should seek. Instead, Souichi embraced his hubris, as discussed this role where he is “prepared to bleed” is something he takes pride in. He is no longer flying to escape the Labyrinth he was put in but to reach the sun itself despite having already fallen into the sea once before. It’s a fool’s errand.

[1. vol42 ch455 Duwang translation and 2.vol46 ch496 Duwang translation]

This contradiction arises from the fact that he did try being human and flawed before! He is not naively refusing to change. He already tried being Hal and he died for it! He died. He has no other option: “A dead person cannot be revived." (chapter 496). There is no alternative for Souichi, yes he is the Prince Bee, yes he is the ruler of the mind-breaking machine, son of the Architect, but he cannot escape his bloodline on his own. No matter his place in the system he cannot win against it. He is powerless to change things for the better as long as he is navigating within its rules.

IV. The Place That You Belong

There is a recurring idea in Usogui (manga) of the place that people belong to. It’s presented as something everyone has, and that as long as they’re there everything will turn out right for them. It’s “the stage that you shine on” (chapter 539), etc. Souichi explains this idea himself in the epilogue. Are you where you’re meant to be? Are you betraying yourself by refusing to stand in the right place?

[vol49 ch539 Duwang translation]

This concept is relevant to every character in Usogui but it’s best illustrated by Baku and Kyara. In Kyara’s fight against Jonglyo it is his bond with Baku that makes him win, the place that he belongs is by Baku’s side (chapter 384). This is why he lost against Marco during the Hangman arc, and never lost again. Baku’s only ever lost the Flying Vehicles bet, which he lost on purpose: he is already at the place that he belongs. This why they are the two characters who “keep on winning” no matter what, because they are following their “correct path”. It is why you want to be where you belong and why you belong there in the first place, because as long as you keep to it you will keep on “winning”.

For Kaoru I think it’s obvious the Labyrinth gamble is NOT where he belongs. As mentioned, he’s gambling while not being a gambler himself and he’s completely out of his depth when things are out of his script. He’s not even fulfilling his wish to “keep order”- he’s never solved a single labyrinth, he’s never saved a single person.

After his failure against Fukurou, Souichi resigns himself to accepting Kakerou as the place he belongs. But is that really true? As discussed, you know you’re on the right path because you keep on winning. In Hangman he had this to say: "A life in which I continue to win forever... I guess that's just my destiny?" (chapter 56) but it’s demonstrably not true! Souichi does lose! He lost his bet for the book in 1998, he lost against Fukurou, he didn’t manage to take over Tipa, and he lost Drop the Handkerchief. If it was his place to be Leader of Kakerou at that time he wouldn't have lost Surpassing the Leader. He isn’t Baku or Kyara. He is not where he belongs.

So if it’s not by Baku’s side and it’s not at the head of Kakerou either, where does Souichi belong, then? There are times that Souichi miraculously “wins”. We see it in Air Poker where he overcomes his memory loss and regains ALL discarded memories, and we see it when he wakes up in the hospital during the epilogue. These miraculous recoveries, I think, are indicative that he was doing something right at those times. The common thread between the two is that Souichi (or Hal) was acting in Baku’s interest without totally disowning his ties with Kakerou. He invites Fukurou to become a referee at the end of Air Poker and he steps up to being Leader again during the epilogue, but in the 1998 flashbacks he was hiding his bloodline and denied knowing what Kakerou was. This blatant lie is the narrative reason that made him lose against Fukurou, and his rejection of ever having been changed by Baku is what made Kakerou wrong for him afterwards. He does not belong anywhere until he stops living these lies. He cannot abandon Kakerou OR Baku, he needs both.

This is the reason Souichi and Kaoru became prey to the Lie-Eater. They were living their respective lies, and so Usogui came and ate them up. “It all began with a small lie” (chapter 535).

[vol6 ch 64 Duwang translation]

Kaoru should’ve died from this defeat after he was made to shoulder Baku’s loss at Surpassing the Leader, but he was saved in extremis by his own mental illness. He fell unconscious and this was judged as “collection on his life” enough for Kadokura so he was spared. He got to wake up in a hospital post-canon, free of this place he did not belong to, and still living. This is also the pattern Souichi follows. It is his mental illness that makes him lose Drop the Handkerchief, his memory loss episode that made him forget about the leap second and that Baku exploited. This defeat at Surpassing the Leader means he is now free of his duty to be Leader, and it allows him to later wake up in the hospital like Kaoru did. He can now be his own person, without any lies, without killing his mind to stay perfect- the very thing he’d tried to do on his own and failed. In a way, wasn’t he saved by his illness, too? And isn’t it their respective flaws that let them become their own person again, that re-humanized them?

In a lesser way this is also reflected in the Referee who presides over the Labyrinth gambles, Yuudai Kadokura. He’s characterized as a man of restraint during the arc. He, too, is obsessed with carrying out his job perfectly and tries his best to contain his emotions. “Please excuse me... Momentarily, I, Kadokura Yuudai, have unintentionally made a face that was a little indiscreet." (chapter 91) and this self-restraint will be lifted after he suffers (and recovers from) brain damage. It’s their mental ill that saved Souichi and Kaoru and that lifted Kadokura’s chains.

Usogui (manga) as a whole has more to say about this idea that it is our flaws that make us human. We see it in the Hangman gamble, when Sadakuni is hanged. He first claims he’s not afraid of death but in his final moments he thrashes and struggles and admits he doesn’t want to die here. Baku comments: “I won't let you die as a monster. You should at least die as a human.” (chapter 66). This explicitly conflates someone’s humanity with this display of desperation. It asks the question, can you accept your own death gracefully and remain human? What is being human but to fight tooth and nails for more out of life? Isn’t being alive inherently grotesque? This is also reflected in the ending of Air Poker in Vincent Lalo’s final, ugly, moment, just to name one other example. We are back to Tatsuki’s definition of what being “normal” is like, and it is this human fear of death and blood that makes the gamble against Commissioner Sasaoka work. Generally, it is the thirst for things that you don’t have and the willingness to fight for them no matter how unsightly you get that makes us truly alive- like a gambler is. This is reflected in the Protoporos arc when Champ chooses to stay on the island because he feels alive for the first time after having gambled with Baku as well as in Kaji’s character arc more broadly.

[Vol7 ch66 Duwang translation + vol38 ch 412 Duwang translation]

For all that Souichi tried to erase his failures and reach perfection he was only making himself less and less human. It’s only when he let his true desires show in Drop the Handkerchief and that he truly fought to “one up” Baku that he started to approach something that rings true. To be human is to be flawed and to accept and remember this, and grow stronger from having tasted defeat. And it is this defeat, that honest and bitter defeat, of Souichi at Drop the Handkerchief that leads to the realization of the Prince Bee story’s happy ending- the Prince Bee Duo rising up.

On a surface level, if Baku had lost again there was no way for him NOT to die this time with how weak we know his body to be (see, the Labyrinth Minotaur game and the Dotty game). But more than that, Souichi had to lose and stop being Leader so he could be himself, so he could stop lying about who he is. He cannot change his bloodline, he cannot stop being a Kiruma, but he cannot stop yearning for something more either. He’s a flawed, weird little guy and he will always be changed from Baku’s presence in his life. This defeat returns his humanity to him and it allows him to reconcile the contradictory positions he was in. He can then embrace that he IS Baku’s ally, and he IS Kakerou, too, and come back as his full self and no longer forced to keep people at arm’s length. That is the true place he belongs, both Leader of Kakerou and Baku’s friend.

[all three are vol49 ch 539, Duwang translation]

Both Souichi and Kaoru had to bear the weight of their fathers’ inheritance so much so that they hurt themselves and lost their very humanity, all to stay somewhere they shouldn’t be. It is their flaws that free them, but it is also the people around them who saved them. It’s Baku speaking up that Kaoru is “pretty much already dead”, it is the summon for Hal to wake up because “if it’s you, it will be alright.”. They woke up knowing people cared for them and sincerely wished for their recoveries. They were accepted fully for who they are, sinful bloodline and flaws and all, and with their curse lifted they can now return that care, too.

→ You are never truly alone, things can always get better, you CAN break free from your family’s Labyrinth. If it is forcing you to harm yourself and is keeping you isolated, then it is not the place that you belong.

[vol 14 ch147 Duwang translation + vol49 ch538 Duwang translation]

V. Conclusion

We see this loose pattern ripple in other characters. Kaji and Marco are grappling with what they’ve inherited from their parents too (namely, abuse) and it is through Baku’s support and help that they could set their minds free from this influence. As symbolic of the turning point where they can truly start to heal is their stay in a hospital (Marco post-Labyrinth gamble, Kaji on bed rest during Protoporos). To truly break free comes with being hurt deeply before becoming anew. It will be different but it will be okay.

The motif of dysfunctional or fragmented families generally runs rampant, most characters with known backstories have some sort of family troubles from our main characters to one-off antagonists (Marco and Kaji as mentioned but also Kyara, Satoru Suteguma, the Yakou twins, Voja, Jonglyo, Mitaka, and so on). Usogui (manga) features a lot of parents who suck absolute ass, yes, but it also more generally touches on the way parents shape their children even in healthier families- think Ranko taking over her dad’s mafia, the sons who’ve never faced consequences because their fathers are powerful, etc.

In light of this, the fact that our protagonist is someone who is seemingly completely devoid of family starts to stand out. We do not get to know anything about Baku’s parents, his childhood, how he was raised, etc, anything from before he was already a well-established gambler within Kakerou. This is very significant in a main protagonist, who we’d usually know a lot more about. It separates him from the weight of inheritance, only he is free of those bonds that tie someone to their family (or lack of it)- for better or for worse.

This feeds into the repeated use in the story of Surpassing the Leader as a way to lose your “bonds”. It’s stated Baku lost that 1st STL bet to get rid of this past that tied him to Hal, when Souichi loses Drop the Handkerchief he escapes his bloodline, and it’s the thing that’s pinned on Yukkii and frees him of his Labyrinth. This is the big “reset” button featured in the story but its point is not to go on with life devoid of relationships and ties to other people. No, Baku does rebuild his bond with Hal, Souichi comes back to Kakerou a healthier man, and the last scene Kaoru sees before falling unconscious is himself as a child holding both his parents’ hands. Loss is always painful but it often cannot be avoided (may it be to break free of an abusive family or a toxic job, or because a loved one dies, etc) and bonds are what shape us. The two ideas coexist. You cannot go on without any attachment to anyone. This is seen in the “planting seeds” imagery of chapter 320, all lives are interwoven and ripple against each other to grow and become something else.

Bonds are also the strength and support you gain from other people, it is how Kyara wins against Jonglyo, and it is Souichi’s parting words in Handkerchief: “It is you who made us stronger.” (chapter 530). Who can ever hope to leave the Labyrinth without Ariadne’s gift of yarn to guide them out? It is the two Bees’ friendship that’s at the core of the picture book, and it is also those relationships between people (good or bad), and love, that’s at the core of Usogui, too. To be loved and to love someone is to be changed.

[Vol 35, ch384, Duwang translation]

#usogui meta #souichi kiruma #yukiide kaoru #usogui #original title was cogs in a machine but the labyrinth symbolism kind of took over which was for the best

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renee-writer · 1 year

Text

A Little Change in History Chapter 37

AO3

As Claire kneels beside her husband, frantic hands checking for any life threatening injuries, the men take off after Jeremy. He is, right now, the least of her concerns.

Head, back, nothing seems broken. Gentle hands move his neck and she sees one of his eyes open. Thank God that he has returned to consciousness.

“How is it, my Lord, that you can open one eye and yet, can’t blink?” Her relief makes her giddy.

“I don’t know.” He moves, just a tiny bit, “Owe, my head.”

“Let’s get you up.” Over her shoulder, “Gentlemen, please help me get his Lordship into the surgery.”

Her Ladyship’s words are instantly obeyed. As the men surround Jamie and help him up, he asked,” What happened?”

“You don’t recall?” a shake of his head produces another wince. “ Jeremy pushed you off!” Her eyes glow in rage, even as she tries to keep her voice steady, as befitting her station.

He frowns as they take the last steps into the surgery, the dimness of it relieving his head some. The smells of peppermint and chamomile are relaxing as well.

He recalls falling but not being pushed. Why would Jeremy Foster push him off the roof. He vows to find out. Now upright, he realizes some of his other body parts hurt as well.

He is laid down just as the men enter, the man himself, thrown over one’s shoulder.

“My Lord and Lady, we found ‘im in one o’ the caves. He was a hiding and fought us a bit at the capture. I hit ‘im.” He says proudly. Claire wouldn’t care if he had killed him. The man might have killed her husband.

“Thank you. Lay him over there. I will see to him later. Please inform the army so they can pick him up.”

“My Lady.” After depositing his dead weight, carelessly placing him against a wall, he bowed to them both and the men headed out.

Jamie is dosed with willow bark tea and his wife carefully checks him over. Other then bruising and a bump on his head, he seems to be fine. Breathing out in relief, she orders him to rest.

Her other patient is resting but she doesn’t care. Walking over, she slaps him across the face, rousing him. Then she walks away, fearing she would do worse if she remained in his presence.

In the morning, Jamie woke feeling much better. His headache is almost completely gone and, with a bit of stretching to help with the stiffness, his neck feels better. He looks to Jeremy, awake and restrained on the other bed. Claire, after calming marginally down, has seen to that. He walks over.

“Why?” he asked.

The other man smirks up at him. “You took Claire from me.”

He shakes his head and walks away, seeking the army.

#my writing #outlander fanfic #ladymeraud and i's latest #a little change in history #chapter 37 #jamie and claire #cannon divergence #outlander fandom

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dailyaudiobible · 10 months

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07/01/2023 DAB Transcript

2 Kings 18:13-19:37, Acts 21:1-17, Psalms 149:1-9, Proverbs 18:8

Today is the 1st day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian and it is wonderful to be here with you today as we walk into the seventh month of the year together. Today is the 182nd day of the year. And we reached the halfway point yesterday as we ended the month of June. And, so, here we are launching ourselves into the second half, the second half of the Scriptures, the second half of the year as the adventure continues. And we concluded our first half of the year with a somber…with a couple of kind of somber and more sobering stories. In the Old Testament, the Assyrians conquered the northern kingdom of Israel and carried all of its people into exile, thereby bringing an end to the northern kingdom of…of Israel. And, so, as we move forward now there is no northern kingdom of Israel. And then in the book of Acts we saw Paul sailing back through Ephesus and the leaders of the church at Ephesus coming to see him as he continues his journey back toward Jerusalem. And he lets them know that they will never be able to see each other again in that life, in this life in person. The Holy Spirit has given Paul some advance words about what he will face as he continues his journey to Jerusalem. And we’ll all get to experience that as we continue in the days ahead. But that's how we kind of landed our first half of the year. And let's step forward into the second half. And that obviously leads us right where we left off and that happens to be the book of second Kings. And today we’ll read chapters 18 verse 13 through 19 verse 37.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You. We thank You for Your word. And here at the threshold as we begin this brand-new shiny sparkly month and move into the back half of the year we…we are grateful. We are humbled by Your generosity toward us and loving us and caring for us and being patient with us and guiding us and directing us. We are grateful for all that You have done in our lives thus far in the year and we are also declaring that we are open and look for…looking forward to all that You will teach us and all of the things that You will reveal to us as You continue to direct us forward. May we have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a willing heart to obey we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is homebase, that is the website, that's where you find out what's going on around here. And here we are in the month of July.

And, so, just a few days from now, the 7th day of July, which is a week from yesterday, the 7th day of July is our own little Global Campfire holiday around here that we love…lovingly call the Daily Audio Bible long walk because that's…that's what it is. It's that. It's this day on the calendar that we carve out that we defend, that we take because we need…because we need it. It's a day for our hearts. It's a day for God. It's a day to go for a long walk, bringing our full presence, our hearts and walking with God giving ourselves to Him again. Going for a long walk, the kind of long walk that you do when you're in love with somebody. The kind long walk, right, hand in hand, slow stroll, maybe even fast-paced. Doesn't really matter. The point is together. And on those walks time goes away. Like wasting time…like what we would think of as time wasted away from productivity is actually time invested into actual life and relationship, what we are made for, what we are working so hard for. It's a day to say that's my day. It's the middle of the year. I need to regroup. I gotta second half of the year I gotta live. I cannot go blindly into that. I gotta lot that’s going on inside of me. I'm going to go and spend the day with the wonderful counselor, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, the Prince of peace. I'm gonna spend my day and I’m gonna say at all and I’m gonna listen, and I’m gonna listen and obey. So, that's a beautiful thing to do. Go somewhere beautiful. Go for a long walk. Take the day. Spend it enjoying the lavish gift of the earth that God has given us that He offers to us each and every day. Enjoy it. Let it fill you up. Let it restore your soul. It's unbelievable even what birdsong can do to a person's mental health. So, everybody pick somewhere beautiful wherever you may be in the world. We’ll all be all over the world. We’ll be walking with God. Imagine that. Our community all over the world walking, literally walking with God. What makes it a community experience is that after we spend our day, maybe we took a picture while we were out there, maybe we took a video wherever we went. We want to remember the day ourselves and commemorate it ourselves and remember what God may have spoke to us ourselves. So, we come back to the Daily Audio Bible Facebook page - facebook.com/dailyaudiobible and we will have a post there on the 7th July for the long walk. And as we complete our long walks, we can come back and post our pictures and videos and stories and that makes a story all of its own, the story of the day, the story of us all going and walking with God and we can hear from each other and what we heard and what we saw. And its lovely. So, make plans for that. It's less than a week away. It's the 7th of July, this coming Friday. The Daily Audio Bible long walk.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you. Thank you. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you are using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, of course, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I will be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello I’ve been listener since I think about 2010. One of my good friends for a long time is laid up with cancer dying and I just ask for you all the pray for her. Her name is Katie and also for her girl. She's about 11. Lilly Ann. Katies in hospice. And anyway it's really heartbreaking and I don't know…I would love for the Lord to heal her. But I just ask for you all to pray for Katie and Lily Ann. Thank you.

Hi DAB family this is Rebecca from Missouri. I am brand new to the Daily Audio Bible having just found out about it a couple of weeks ago and I'm loving it. I'm praying with all of you. And I ask for your prayers. Today marks one month since my dad passed away. This happened on May 26th. He was 64 years old, and he died after having a series of four strokes over the course of just under a year. And my mom is 63 and they were married for 44 years. And my mom went straight from being a 19-year-old living with her parents to a 19 year old bride. So, being alone is new for her. And I ask prayers for my mom Julie. And she's a Christian and so was my dad. But this is hard on her big time. And, so, I ask that you pray that she gets friends to hang out with, finds things to do, keeps busy, goes traveling, all of the things that she can do now as a widow, that…that she just misses my dad less and less because it's hard on her right now. Lord just please protect my mom and love her. Let her know that there's so many people who love her and are there for her. She has neighbors, she has family. Let her know that she can lean on us all that she needs to and keep her from feeling like she's a burden because she's not, not at all. Thank you, Lord, for such a good mom and for giving me such a good dad in Jesus's name Amen. Thank you everyone.

Good morning DAB family this is mummy's Little Rock from Arkansas. I just wanted to call in. I listened to the June 25th prayer request for that day and Sharon from Tacoma WA called in. I believe that was your name. But her mom is now having to enter hospice and she was just feeling so overwhelmed. And Sharon I just…oh…I totally felt your call having gone through that with my mom 2-1/2 years ago, just feeling like, oh my goodness, I don't know what to do, I don't know what's gonna be best for her, the hospice care team. It was just all overwhelming and also very heartbreaking because we know the end was near…we knew the end was near. And, so, having to deal with all of that as well as being kind of thrust into making decisions was just so overwhelming. And your voice just took me right back to that moment where I had to make decisions for my mom as well, my brother and I. And I just want you to know that God hears you, that He loves you, and He's holding you. And although I kind of knew that…I always knew that but just…I just needed strength to get through and I would pray every single moment every day to just ask for strength. And I promise you the Lord will give that to you. He gave it to me. I don't know how I made it through without God. I know that He was there pushing me and pulling me and helping me to get through. So, just know that you're loved and you are supported and you will get through this as well. God bless you.

Hello DAB family, Bubba Dee from Tennessee currently in Minnesota. I want to pray for today June 27th Eyes of a Dove you're going through all those troubles with Ryland. Know that you're not the only one. Parenting for a high schooler for me personally has been the toughest time in my life and still walking through a few things. And I'm gonna lift you up dear sister. Heavenly father I'm asking for Ryland, I'm asking that he would come back to you, come back to understanding what responsibility is, come back to understanding what he is made for. Lord we wanna pray purpose for Ryland. I'm asking God that you meet him what he is. I pray his mom is praying and pouring and even losing it but that all of this would testify to him of Your love and of Your good plan for his life. Just that through the Eyes of the Dove, his mom, he would see how You care for him, how much You want him to succeed, how much You want him to be a person who's responsible and trustworthy and faithful. We bless him. As a community we lived Ryland up to you heavenly Father. We ask that he would come back to his senses. We now all this is possible. We saw this in the parable of the prodigal and it…

Morning DAB family this is Trucker Justin from Pennsylvania. I just listened to the June 18th podcast and heard Bernice request for his marriage and family. I'm telling you brother I was there last year separated from my wife and kids and I thought it was pretty much over but I pursued fellowship with my church and pursued God and He brought in some brothers into my life that have been through the same thing and they encouraged me and I just want to encourage you and pray for you. So, heavenly Father I would ask for Bernie and anyone else who's having trouble in their marriage, Father I pray that You would just soften hearts and reconcile these men and women together. Father, restore the love and the peace that they have in their marriages Father and if there's any sin that needs to be repented of and put away Father I pray that these men and women would have the humility to…to deal with that. So, heavenly Father we thank You for what You will do and I ask these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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santzonthejourney · 1 year

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Bible Journey: Nehemiah 10

Nehemiah 10:39 “...We promise together not to neglect the Temple of our God.”

During this chapter Nehemiah and the people make several promises to God in how they are going to live, rest, obey the commands, and bring their tithe. The tithe is 10% but they also describe the tithe in new way, verse 37: “We will bring the best of our flour and other grain offerings, the best of our fruit, and the best of our new wine and olive oil.” The tithe isn’t just my 10% but it’s also my best!

I have to recognize that it’s not only my tithe that I am giving but it’s my BEST tithe. Just like the people made a vow, I promise not to neglect the temple of our God. I’ll give Him my best because He gave me His best.

#bible journey

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devildomwriter · 4 months

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Diavolo’s Wrath

Of course he’s mad. They took his boyfriend

#obey me shall we date #obey me diavolo #obey me lucifer #obey me barbatos #obey me nightbringer chapter 37

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casspurrjoybell-17 · 5 days

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Hart and Hunter - Chapter 37 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Julian Hart

As we pass deeper into the forest, I notice strangling vines embrace the trunks of the great trees, ensnaring them like the tangled webbing of massive nets.

Firefly lights flicker in the misty canopy above, sickly greenish-yellow twinkles in the gloom and now and then, I glimpse a flash of movement in the corner of my eye.

Rhiannon leads us on a meandering path, keeping to the deepest shadows and frequently reminds us to be quiet but in the increasingly ominous atmosphere, not even Erickson complains.

I quickly lose track of time.

The constant and unvarying gloom beneath the gigantic trees makes it impossible to tell whether it's morning, midday or late afternoon and the only way to judge how long we've been walking is by how tired and hungry we are.

"Don't suppose they got McDonald's in this place, do ya? I'm fuckin' famished," Freya grumbles when we stop to rest at the base of a particularly massive tree, so enormous we look like insects by comparison.

The tangled, moss-covered roots that splay from its base like tentacles serve as convenient seats and the ground is relatively free of undergrowth.

"Hey, Erickson, you got a granola bar in one a' those pockets? Or some trail mix, or somethin'? Hell, I'll take a stick a' gum."

"Sorry, nah."

Erickson shakes his head.

"I'd have eaten it already, if I had."

He's been uncharacteristically quiet and cooperative since landing in the Shadowlands and I suspect he's in some kind of mental shock.

I can't blame him but I'm also not sure how long the improved attitude will last.

After a shorter rest than I'd like, Rhiannon rises from her makeshift bench and gestures for us to follow her once more.

Wearily, we obey.

"How much farther is this place?" Erickson grumbles, confirming my suspicion that the attitude change isn't permanent.

"This bitch better not be leading us in circles."

"Shut up, Erickson," I snap.

"If you want to turn back, no one's stopping you."

"I'm not going anywhere without my niece," he mutters.

"Besides, you're all thinkin' it. I'm just sayin' it."

I glare at him over my shoulder but the truth is, he's not wrong.

The impressions I got from Stephanie were like short clips or snapshots, not a seamless record.

I knew she'd run some distance through the Shadowlands to reach the pool but I didn't know if 'some distance' was one mile or ten.

Ahead of me, Rhiannon pauses and gestures once more for us to be quiet.

This time, she points up at the unseen canopy high above, hidden by a layer of mist.

At last, she pauses before another gargantuan tree.

"Are we close?" I ask in a whisper.

She nods and gestures for us to follow her as she picks her way through the tangle of roots and massive vines at the tree's base.

She ducks beneath one and disappears and when I move to follow her, I find myself staring into the black maw of a burrow-like opening.

I shrink back instinctively and bump into Erickson, who swears.

"You have got to be shitting me," he mutters.

"I am not going down there."

"I don't want to, either," I say.

"But what choice do we have?"

"I'm serious," Erickson insists, backing away.

"I got claustrophobia somethin' bad. I barely made it through the last fuckin' cave. Call me a coward... I don't care. I'll wait for y'all here. Keep lookout or whatever."

"What if we don't come back?"

"I'll take my chances," he says, stubbornly plopping down to sit on a root.

I open my mouth to point out that there might be worse things out here than in the cave but the sheen of sweat dampening his brow, the greenish tinge to his face and the shake in his hands tell me he's not lying.

He's on the verge of nervous collapse and the last thing we need is him fainting or screaming and giving us away.

"You know you'll have to go through the caves again to get out of here," I point out.

"If it's to get out of here, I'll do anything," he grumbles.

"Fine. Wait here. If we don't come out again, try to find your way back to the pool. Just remember you might not come out under the shops. You might come out under the reservoir."

Looking decidedly ill at the idea, Erickson nods.

Rhiannon reappears from the darkness, beckoning insistently for us to follow her.

"All right," I sigh.

"Time to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes."

With a last glance at Erickson, I follow her into the dark opening beneath the tree.

Dane and Freya follow close at my back.

I have to stoop and brush aside a hanging fringe of moss but the burrow-like entrance widens to a passageway almost immediately.

At first, pitch darkness meets my eyes but I quickly perceive that the darkness is not so deep and that a soft, bluish light illuminates the ceiling and walls.

The passageway appears natural, made of rough, ragged stone and cutting left and right too often for conscious design.

There's a decidedly downward slope to the floor and the farther we penetrate, the brighter the eerie glow becomes.

Soon, I identify the source as a kind of slimy fungal growth clinging to the walls.

"Bioluminescence," Freya murmurs, poking at it with her fingernail.

"Don't touch it," Dane snaps.

"That's how horror movies start."

Freya rolls her eyes at him but wipes her finger on her sleeve.

Meanwhile, Rhiannon doesn't have to tell us to stay quiet down here.

Every sound seems amplified and part of me is glad Erickson chickened out... he's a bit of a mouth breather, honestly.

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christian-perspectives · 7 days

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Stay Motivated To Read The Word Of God

Luke started his gospel by stating that many people began writing accounts about what they observed. I believe they wanted everyone to read what God did through Jesus, the Word. Luke, however, went beyond writing about isolated events. He investigated the Lord's entire life. But he didn't stop there; he continued by including the start-up of the early church. Having carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I also have decided to write an accurate account for you, most honorable Theophilus. Luke 1:3 Many men and women followed Jesus when he walked on the earth. We don't know how many. But we do know that Jesus showed Himself to over 500 people after His resurrection. After that, he was seen by more than 500 of his followers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have died. 1 Corinthians 15:6 Out of those who followed Him, Jesus chose twelve apostles. Luke's name, however, didn't appear on that list of men who became the Lord's students. At daybreak he called together all of his disciples and chose twelve of them to be apostles. Luke 6:13 We don't know if Luke personally knew or even followed Jesus during the Lord's time on earth. While a physician by profession, he committed himself to learning about the life of Christ. As he stated, he wanted to accurately report the facts about Jesus to his friend, Theophilus. He didn't stop there, though. His investigation led him to the beginning of the church as well. Old-time Radio announcer Paul Harvey would have said something like, "Page two," or "Now for the rest of the story." Luke continued with his second book, Acts of the Apostles.

Luke Also Wrote the Book of Acts

This book starts with Jesus' final words to His apostles, His ascension, and the spreading of the gospel. It also followed the missionary journeys and the conclusion of Paul's ministry. Luke's investigative reporting took a turn when he became a participating reporter. This change occurred in the middle of the sixteenth chapter of Acts. His style changed from writing in the third person (he or they) to writing in the first person (we). This change occurred because he began living the word while writing it. We can follow this same practice but with one difference. We can also live the word of God, not by writing it but when we read it. So, how do we stay motivated to read the Word of God? God included motivating factors within His Word for us to read. The more we study it, the more we will want to pattern our lives after Jesus. Look at what the Apostle John wrote in His gospel. If you love me, obey my commandments. John 14:15 You are my friends if you do what I command. John 15:14 Jesus made these two statements to steer His followers in the direction He wants them to walk. Religious people (those who don't know Christ) relate those statements to following the law. They conclude that their lives are right where God wants them. Why? They haven't killed anyone, they don't steal, and they do their best to keep all ten of the commandments.

Love, Read About it in the Word of God

Those who know Jesus understand the commandments He spoke about. When you read the Word of God, you can clearly see that Jesus' commands revolve around love. Jesus replied, " 'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Matthew 22:37-30 In the next verse, He explained why we only need to keep those two commandments. He said all of the law and the demands of the prophets are based on those two commandments. Before you get the idea that we don't need the Old Testament law, hold on just a minute. We do need it for the times when we step outside of the boundaries set in the New Testament. The old law then becomes a schoolmaster that helps us get back on the right track. The Old Testament also contains history, poetic expressions of worship, and prophetic writings. On the other hand, the New Testament writings start with the life and teachings of Jesus. We can also read about the early church and what God says about the end times. But the epistles make up the bulk of the New Testament. God included them in His Word so Christians could read and learn how to maintain lives pleasing to Him. Many Christians today, though, have a hard time opening the Bible. For some, the only Bible they get comes when they attend church on a Sunday morning. Hopefully, you don't fit that bill. If so, I'm sure you have good intentions. And you want to get into the Word, but it just doesn't happen for whatever reason. We must maintain a close relationship with the Lord.

Don't Get Yourself in Spiritual Trouble

If we don't, we will get ourselves into spiritual trouble. Therefore, read the Word of God. When you do, you can get to know Jesus instead of just knowing about Him. I believe that God might have a word for you if you read the following journal entry. In The End Time Who Will Harvest You? I have entered many devotional posts on my website with the address of ramckinley.com. Is time your issue? Then check out this eBook, "3 Minutes Alone with God," volumes 1-3. It contains 150 short devotions. What an excellent tool for you to read the Word of God daily. Let me encourage you to use these tools to get you started in a daily routine of devotions. What Luke did for Theophilus should also inspire us as well. We can read and investigate the Word of God to help other Christians learn the truth of the gospel. Get motivated to read and study the Word of God. If not for yourself, then why don't you do it for a friend? That is what discipleship is all about! Dear God, give us more of a desire to read and investigate your Word. Holy Spirit, plant your Word deep into our hearts so we can be more like Jesus. Related post on other things about the Bible. - This Delay In The Bible Was Wonderful For Us - Everything In The Bible Is True Including Lies - What Does The Bible Say About Judging Others? - Idolatry In The Bible Read the full article

#BibleStudy #Devotions #Discipleship #Luke

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bookoformon · 28 days

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Ether Chapter 1, Part 3. "The Luggage."

The Prophet says after all that we should avoid "confounding language" and be friends instead. Most of us would agree with this but what about persons, who for decades have preached friendship won't work, especially for them?

They have done a bad thing and we have let them. We have allowed this nation to splinter, to become supserstitious and sinister, beating to the drum of a bizarre heartbeat found inside the walls of misanthropic churches with warped, ignorant, lawless congregations thumping away inside them.

The law which protects our rights, commerce, land, everything about our persons must be upheld. We need religion to recognize we do this because it is right, ethical, good, and gracious of us to do so, but either way, whether one feels gracious or not, one must still obey the law. Persons suggesting otherwise want the law to be bent to unholy purposes and this is obviously not going to lead to the way of life all of us need.

I will never, ever forgive the Republican Party for cheating in the 2016 election, for what it did to the people of Ukraine or the attacks on Israel on October 7, 2023 all because of their fraudulent religion. They masterminded every last detail, of this there is no doubt. They are not kind-hearted friendly people, they are no good, and we need to run them out of this country.

The Book of Mormon says below , "Cry again unto the Lord to turn his anger away from our friends." I would add, "Pray, turn it on full blast for our enemies and scorch them away."

Here concludes the chapter:

35 And it came to pass that the brother of Jared did cry unto the Lord, and the Lord had compassion upon Jared; therefore he did not confound the language of Jared; and Jared and his brother were not confounded.

36 Then Jared said unto his brother: Cry again unto the Lord, and it may be that he will turn away his anger from them who are our friends, that he confound not their language.

37 And it came to pass that the brother of Jared did cry unto the Lord, and the Lord had compassion upon their friends and their families also, that they were not confounded.

38 And it came to pass that Jared spake again unto his brother, saying: Go and inquire of the Lord whether he will drive us out of the land, and if he will drive us out of the land, cry unto him whither we shall go. And who knoweth but the Lord will carry us forth into a land which is choice above all the earth? And if it so be, let us be faithful unto the Lord, that we may receive it for our inheritance.

39 And it came to pass that the brother of Jared did cry unto the Lord according to that which had been spoken by the mouth of Jared.

40 And it came to pass that the Lord did hear the brother of Jared, and had compassion upon him, and said unto him:

41 Go to and gather together thy flocks, both male and female, of every kind; and also of the seed of the earth of every kind; and thy families; and also Jared thy brother and his family; and also thy friends and their families, and the friends of Jared and their families.

42 And when thou hast done this thou shalt go at the head of them down into the valley which is northward. And there will I meet thee, and I will go before thee into a land which is choice above all the lands of the earth.

43 And there will I bless thee and thy seed, and raise up unto me of thy seed, and of the seed of thy brother, and they who shall go with thee, a great nation. And there shall be none greater than the nation which I will raise up unto me of thy seed, upon all the face of the earth. And thus I will do unto thee because this long time ye have cried unto me.

Chapter 1 ends stating if we can become friends universally, the planet will evolve into a choice land, a project we have talked about but never finished. The Value in Gematria is found in verse 42. The Number is 12735, יבזגה‎‎ ‎, yabzaga, "God's Luggage."

The intention behind studying religion is not to fill the mind with words and verses but to accumulate a series of experiences for which we do not feel regret. These are the ones we want to carry with us to the end. The more of these we cram into our lives during the time we have been given here, the better.

I am passionate about the role of the Book of Mormon in the expansion of our lives here in America. It is a product of our own homegrown American made faith, and it helped us overcome our fear of freedom, of taking action when freedom's needs were not being met. No other phenomenon such as this has ever existed anywhere on this planet. It is a suitcase we have not yet begun to unpack.

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cassandrajoybellbittner · 3 months

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All It Took Was One Look - Chapter 37

*Warning Adult Content*

Jeanine

Dom and I were sitting in the living room at my house watching T.V.

I could tell something was wrong with Dom but I had yet to ask him.

He was fidgety and constantly peering at me from the corner of his eye throughout the movie till I couldn't take it anymore.

"Dammit, Dom. What's wrong with you?" I demanded swirly jumping from the couch and glaring down at him.

I was playing with him but my playfulness soon dispersed as I saw his face.

The serious and scared look on his face caused me to change my attitude to worry.

I knelt in front of him grabbing his hand in mine.

"What baby? What's wrong," I asked seriously.

"We need to talk," he whispered to me.

My heart stopped then... was he going to break up with me?

He was going to break up with me.

Slowly I stood and backed away from him.

He must have noticed the look on my face and he shot from the couch.

"No, no, no, no, no."

He rushed reaching out to cup my face gently.

"No, Jay not that talk. I just need to tell you something, something important," he said nervously.

I swallowed as I nodded at him.

He smiled as he held my hand and guided me out of my house and into the backwoods close to my house.

I know is sort of scary to have woods behind your house.

Perfect target for crazy maniacs.

Once we were far enough away from my house I was beginning to sweat as my mind began to go into over drive.

Why the hell is he taking me back here?

Omg. Is he going to kill me?

I shook my head... he wouldn't do that... he the sweetest guy I know and I trust him.

We stopped finally and were surrounded by a crap load of trees, my house was long gone.

"Why are we out here?" I asked him timidly as I looked around.

When he didn't answer I turned back to him and frowned as I found the look of panic on his face.

"Dominic?"

"I love you, Jeanine," he blurted.

My eyes widened and my breath caught in my lungs.

He what?

Did he just say what I thought he did?

"W-what?" my voice was barely a whisper.

"I Love You," he said again pronouncing it clearly.

Yep. I heard him right.

"Dom," I didn't know what to say to that.

Did I love him too? My heart was beating erratically.

No one has made me feel like this before.

He was so different and I didn't know what to do.

He cupped my cheek in his warm big hand... those weird comforting tingles he always made shot up my face and I closed my eyes in pleasure.

"You don't have to answer Jeanine but I had to tell you before I burst."

My eyes opened to find him inches from my face... his deep brown eyes gazing into mine with such an intensity that my knees became weak.

I love him. I think I love him, too.

I knew it right then and there but I couldn't open my mouth.

I was afraid to.

"You make me feel alive Jay and I know that no one else is going to be able to make me feel this. Ever," he continued, his thumb lightly caressing my bottom lip.

"Just looking at you makes my heart beat faster than a mocking birds wings. You are everything to me and I can't hide from you anymore... I don't want to," his words were making me feel dizzy and warm.

Wait hide?

I wanted to ask him what he was hiding but my tongue refused to obey me.

"I want to show you the real me but I don't know what you will do," his voice strained.

I didn't like him feeling uncomfortable... he didn't have to hide from me and he could trust me.

"What is it Dom?" I finally asked.

He backed away from me till we had a sizable distance between us.

I gave him a questionable look.

"What are you doing?" I asked him taking a step closer, his hand came up to stop me.

"I'm showing you the real me Jay," he said his face became expressionless.

I was so confused.

"Just please understand," was all he said before he took his shirt off and unbuttoned his pants.

My eyes widened in surprise.

What the hell.

But I couldn't look away, I mean DAMN this boy had a body on him.

He was in his boxers and out of breath.

"This is me, Jeanine."

Then it happened.

I cringed at the nasty sound of bone breaking and reforming together.

I stared to freak thinking something bad was happening to him.

I began to rush towards him to help him when a huge wolf took his place and I froze mid step.

Its head reached my shoulder... I stared at it in disbelief.

This was Dominic?

No. It couldn't be.

It eyes stared at me, brown the same color as Dom's.

Oh my God this was...DOM.

I scurried backwards falling on my bottom as the realization hit me hard.

He walked over towards me slowly and I crawled backwards as the terror of him eating me entered my mind.

A scream ripped its way from my mouth and I was stopped trunk of a tree.

I covered my face waiting for him to rip me apart but it never came.

Lowering my arms a bit I saw him pause a few feet away from me with the most heart crushing expression on his face.

My chest tightened to see him look like this but I couldn't get over the fact that my boyfriend was a FREAKING WOLF.

When I realized he wasn't going to move towards me anymore... I rose to me feet slowly my eyes watching him wearily.

I sidestepped breathing hard as my heart pumped in fear.

His brown eyes never left my face and I swore I could see tears starting to build in his eyes.

But I couldn't worry about that... I had to get out of here.

Away from him.

I gently walked backwards and when he made no move to stop me I turned tail and ran, back to my house as fastest my feet could take me.. letting out small screams on the way.

The moment I reached my house I rushed in the front door as my mom was walking in the kitchen.

She turned around in shock... her hand to her heart but I didn't have the energy to care.

"Jeez, Jeanine don't run in that house like that," she scolded but I ignored her as I ran up the stairs and into my room.

My heart was beating a mile a minute as I stared at the walls but saw nothing.

He changed into a wolf.

This isn't possible, these things don't happen.

I was pacing my floor as I tried to wrap my head around all this but it was hard.

He was a werewolf.

A freaking werewolf.

A heart wrenching howl sounded from outside causing me to stop pacing and look out of my window.

Omg.

I was in love with a werewolf?

"I need Aiden to tell me what in the hell I should do."

********

Hospitals always freak me out.

The thought of all the people who have died in here and that there is a freaking morgue somewhere in the basement.

A shiver ran down my spine as I walked down the hall to Aiden's room.

The feeling of dread washed over me again as I neared the door.

I still couldn't believe that my best friend was stuck in a coma.

I stood from the door way looking at him lying there motionless... it's been over a month and he still wouldn't wake up.

I was kind of shocked that Liam wasn't in here like he always is.

Walking closer to the edge of the bed the tears were filling up in my eyes as I stared down at him.

"Hey Aiden," I softly said.

I heard that coma patients can hear you so I didn't feel stupid talking to his unconscious body.

I set my purse down on the side table and turned to sit on the bed with him.

"We miss you around school, Aiden."

I took his hand in mine.

"We have so much to catch up on when you realize what an asshole you've been and wake up," I chided playfully.

My smile vanished though when I thought about all that we would be talking about.

Like how Dom was a flipping werewolf.

I closed my eyes as my heart squeezed at the memory of that day.

I didn't realize that I was shaking till I opened my eyes to see that the room was moving unusually.

"Aiden, Dom told me a secret that I'm not sure how to handle," I whispered to him... scooting further on the bed, my legs drawn up against my chest as I leaned on the back of the plastic bed frame by his feet.

"What do I do?" I asked staring blankly at the white wall ahead of me.

"I'm confused and scared."

And of course I got no answer.

Sighing I trained my eyes back on Aiden.

His eyes closed, his still pale face.

"You'd probably call me a crazy if I told you. I bet if I was overheard, they would throw me down in the psych ward for evaluations and tests to see if I really am crazy," I laughed humorlessly.

"I like him, Aiden. But how can I be with Dom if I'm scared of him all the time?"

The response to my question was the constant beeping of his heart monitor and noisy respirator.

My arms tightened around my legs.

"I've been ignoring him and trying my hardest to stay as far from him as possible. I feel bad about it but what am I supposed to do?"

I was starting to choke on a sobbed that began to form in my throat.

Maybe it was the thought of how indifferent and mean I've been to Dom or that I wanted Aiden to answer me back... needed him to tell me what to do.

I crawled closer to him and laid beside him placing my head on his shoulder like I always did when we talked about important things.

"I know I'm hurting him... I can see it in his eyes and it's tearing me up inside."

I stifled a smile as I thought of what Aiden would say to that.

'Well damn Jay, if it's doing all this to you it's not worth making yourself suffer. Screw it and go for it...'

"I know what you would say but you haven't seen him," I whispered to him.

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