#one thing about me is i am a traditional artist first

[morningnoodles]

portrait of the moment thorin fell in love (it's canon i'm the tree nearby)

#thorin oakenshield #the hobbit fanart #one thing about me is i am a traditional artist first #this was from moons ago when i was obsessed with THAT shot of thorin in the shire #my art ☆ #pencil

[drchucktingle]

It’s Carly Tingle’s big day, the release of her first traditionally published horror novel, Camp Damascus. Unfortunately, Carly’s having trouble enjoying this moment as fear and chaos begin to swirl around her. She wants the book to do well, of course, but it slowly becomes apparent there’s more to Carly’s ambition than meets the eye.

Things get clearer when Carly revisits an old erotica short she’d written, titled Eaten Right By The Physical Manifestation Of My Pride And Excitement That The Lead Character Of My First Traditionally Published Horror Novel Is On The Autism Spectrum Just Like Me. This sets off a chain of fourth-wall breaking events that will send Carly on an adventure unlike any other.

Now at the book shop, Carly will come face-to-face with the beautiful physical manifestation of her pride and excitement as an autistic artist, culminating in an erotic lesbian encounter that could inspire generations to come.

This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on sentient physically manifested excitement in the form of a punctuation mark action and lesbian autistic pride love.

----

please enjoy EATEN RIGHT BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF MY PRIDE AND EXCITEMENT THAT THE LEAD CHARACTER OF MY FIRST TRADITIONALLY PUBLISHED HORROR NOVEL IS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM JUST LIKE ME out now for free but asking for donation to AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

MORE ABOUT THIS TINGLER:

hey there buckaroos i would like to use today to talk on something that is very important to me. i have talked a lot about my journey as a bud on the autism spectrum, and about how I LOVE BEING AUTISTIC.

my story on the spectrum is not a struggle. my way was diagnosed in early twenties, but because of way of masking VERY FEW BUCKAROOS WOULD EVEN NOTICE. it has given me ability to hyper focus and get large amounts of writing done, to find creative ideas neurotypical buds might miss, and to have a unique perspective on life on this timeline.

HOWEVER as man name of chuck my pride in this way used to make me uncomfortable, thinkin i should not share my story. there are many buds on this spectrum who have a MUCH harder time than chuck, and i want to respect the VERY IMPORTANT AND VERY REAL struggles of my fellow autistic buckaroos. for long time i did not feel like it was my place to share and say ‘personally, i wouldnt change my autistic trot for anything. i think being autistic is very cool’

but as tingleverse got more fans and buckaroos started listening to my words more i started thinking: THIS is an opportunity to prove love. part of the reason i am PROUD of my spectrum way is because FIRST INTERACTION with idea of this trot (was called aspergers way back then) was to realize that ALL MY HEROS were on this spectrum: david byrne of band TALKING HEADS being number one.

my FIRST INTERACTION with this idea was not ‘whoa this is tragic’ it was ‘whoa the coolest buckaroo on the PLANET is the same as me’

POINT IS i have been on this timeline a while now and now i am in this position myself. i can be the one buckaroos see when they learn this about themselves and think: WOW LOOK AT THIS WILD ARTIST I ADMIRE BREAKING THE NORMS AND CHARTING A NEW TROT THROUGH THIS TIMELINE WE ARE BOTH AUTISTIC THIS IS THE HECKIN COOLEST

most of the characters i write are probably a little on the spectrum because they are comin from inside chucks head. i look back and notice this and laugh, but other than a single tingler i rare actually OUTRIGHT SAY this character is autistic. i decided that FIRST BIG HORROR NOVEL WITH A TRADITIONAL PUBLISHER was a good time to change this. while i write erotica most of the time which means NO YOUNG BUCKAROOS ALLOWED, horror is a little different. buckaroos young and old can read CAMP DAMASCUS and think ‘i see myself in this autistic hero and I FEEL COOL’

EVEN WRITING THIS NOW makes me get teary eyed and emotional, because these feelings of belonging and positive representation were SO IMPORTANT to me. i would not be trotting here without these autistic heroes, and now i have been given the chance to create one of my own with CAMP DAMASCUS and WITH MYSELF just by being chuck and talking openly about my joyful, exciting, artistic trot on the spectrum.

WITH ALL OF THIS IN MIND i am releasing a brand new tingler called EATEN RIGHT BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF MY PRIDE AND EXCITEMENT THAT THE LEAD CHARACTER OF MY FIRST TRADITIONALLY PUBLISHED HORROR NOVEL IS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM JUST LIKE ME for free. HOWEVER i am requesting that if you choose to read you send your three dollars (or whatever donation you would like) to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK. this way 100 percent of all profits will go to them. (WARNING this is actual erotica so no young buckaroos allowed for this one).

all ages (who are old enough to read horror) can preorder CAMP DAMASCUS at any bookstore. i also have a tingler name of NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SOMEONE ELSE'S DOUBT IN MY PLACE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM BECAUSE DENYING SOMEONE'S PERSONAL JOURNEY AND IDENTITY LIKE THAT IS INCREDIBLY RUDE SO NO THANKS that is pound free so all ages can read so check that out if you would like.

thank you for blessing me with a space to explore these ideas. i am so thankful to be here with you and you have treated me so well. i am eternally grateful for our tort together and look forward to the future we craft on this timeline.

LOVE IS REAL - chuck

#tingleverse #autism #actually autistic #love is real #chuck tingle #camp damascus #horror #lesbian #queer

[empty-movement]

May I ask what scanners / equipment / software you're using in the utena art book project? I'm an artist and half the reason I rarely do traditional art is because I'm never happy with the artwork after it's scanned in. But the level of detail even in the blacks of Utena's uniform were all captured so beautifully! And even the very light colors are showing up so well! I'd love to know how you manage!

You know what's really fun? This used to be something you put in your site information section, the software and tools used! Not something that's as normal anymore, but let's give it a go, sorry it's long because I don't know what's new information and what's not! Herein: VANNA'S 'THIS IS AS SPECIFIC AS MY BREAK IS LONG' GUIDE/AIMLESS UNEDITED RAMBLE ABOUT SCANNING IMAGES

Scanning: Modern scanners, by and large, are shit for this. The audience for scanning has narrowed to business and work from home applications that favor text OCR, speed, and efficiency over archiving and scanning of photos and other such visual media. It makes sense--there was a time when scanning your family photographs and such was a popular expected use of a scanner, but these days, the presumption is anything like that is already digital--what would you need the scanner to do that for? The scanner I used for this project is the same one I have been using for *checks notes* a decade now. I use an Epson Perfection V500. Because it is explicitly intended to be a photo scanner, it does threebthings that at this point, you will pay a niche user premium for in a scanner: extremely high DPI (dots per inch), extremely wide color range, and true lossless raws (BMP/TIFF.) I scan low quality print media at 600dpi, high quality print media at 1200 dpi, and this artbook I scanned at 2400 dpi. This is obscene and results in files that are entire GB in size, but for my purposes and my approach, the largest, clearest, rawest copy of whatever I'm scanning is my goal. I don't rely on the scanner to do any post-processing. (At these sizes, the post-processing capacity of the scanner is rendered moot, anyway.) I will replace this scanner when it breaks by buying another identical one if I can find it. I have dropped, disassembled to clean, and abused this thing for a decade and I can't believe it still tolerates my shit. The trade off? Only a couple of my computers will run the ancient capture software right. LMAO. I spent a good week investigating scanners because of the insane Newtype project on my backburner, and the quality available to me now in a scanner is so depleted without spending over a thousand on one, that I'd probably just spin up a computer with Windows 7 on it just to use this one. That's how much of a difference the decade has made in what scanners do and why. (Enshittification attacks! Yes, there are multiple consumer computer products that have actually declined in quality over the last decade.)

Post-processing: Photoshop. Sorry. I have been using Photoshop for literally decades now, it's the demon I know. While CSP is absolutely probably the better piece of software for most uses (art,) Photoshop is...well it's in the name. In all likelihood though, CSP can do all these things, and is a better product to give money to. I just don't know how. NOTENOTENOTE: Anywhere I discuss descreening and print moire I am specifically talking about how to clean up *printed media.* If you are scanning your own painting, this will not be a problem, but everything else about this advice will stand! The first thing you do with a 2400 dpi scan of Utena and Anthy hugging? Well, you open it in Photoshop, which you may or may not have paid for. Then you use a third party developer's plug-in to Descreen the image. I use Sattva. Now this may or may not be what you want in archiving!!! If fidelity to the original scan is the point, you may pass on this part--you are trying to preserve the print screen, moire, half-tones, and other ways print media tricks the eye. If you're me, this tool helps translate the raw scan of the printed dots on the page into the smooth color image you see in person. From there, the vast majority of your efforts will boil down to the following Photoshop tools: Levels/Curves, Color Balance, and Selective Color. Dust and Scratches, Median, Blur, and Remove Noise will also be close friends of the printed page to digital format archiver. Once you're happy with the broad strokes, you can start cropping and sizing it down to something reasonable. If you are dealing with lots of images with the same needs, like when I've scanned doujinshi pages, you can often streamline a lot of this using Photoshop Actions.

My blacks and whites are coming out so vivid this time because I do all color post-processing in Photoshop after the fact, after a descreen tool has been used to translate the dot matrix colors to solids they're intended to portray--in my experience trying to color correct for dark and light colors is a hot mess until that process is done, because Photoshop sees the full range of the dots on the image and the colors they comprise, instead of actually blending them into their intended shades. I don't correct the levels until I've descreened to some extent.

As you can see, the print pattern contains the information of the original painting, but if you try to correct the blacks and whites, you'll get a janky mess. *Then* you change the Levels:

If you've ever edited audio, then dealing with photo Levels and Curves will be familiar to you! A well cut and cleaned piece of audio will not cut off the highs and lows, but also will make sure it uses the full range available to it. Modern scanners are trying to do this all for you, so they blow out the colors and increase the brightness and contrast significantly, because solid blacks and solid whites are often the entire thing you're aiming for--document scanning, basically. This is like when audio is made so loud details at the high and low get cut off. Boo.

What I get instead is as much detail as possible, but also at a volume that needs correcting:

Cutting off the unused color ranges (in this case it's all dark), you get the best chance of capturing the original black and white range:

In some cases, I edit beyond this--for doujinshi scans, I aim for solid blacks and whites, because I need the file sizes to be normal and can't spend gigs of space on dust. For accuracy though, this is where I'd generally stop.

For scanning artwork, the major factor here that may be fucking up your game? Yep. The scanner. Modern scanners are like cheap microphones that blow out the audio, when what you want is the ancient microphone that captures your cat farting in the next room over. While you can compensate A LOT in Photoshop and bring out blacks and whites that scanners fuck up, at the end of the day, what's probably stopping you up is that you want to use your scanner for something scanners are no longer designed to do well. If you aren't crazy like me and likely to get a vintage scanner for this purpose, keep in mind that what you are looking for is specifically *a photo scanner.* These are the ones designed to capture the most range, and at the highest DPI. It will be a flatbed. Don't waste your time with anything else.

Hot tip: if you aren't scanning often, look into your local library or photo processing store. They will have access to modern scanners that specialize in the same priorities I've listed here, and many will scan to your specifications (high dpi, lossless.)

Ahem. I hope that helps, and or was interesting to someone!!!

#utena #image archiving #scanning #archiving #revolutionary girl utena #digitizing #photo scanner #art scanning

[yuri-is-online]

Hi hi, Can you please to prompt 4 with Malleus,Vil, and Riddle?

4. You met someone really wonderful at the Masquerade Ball and have been ranting about how he was totally the love of your life to your abnormally quiet friend. Actually wasn't he invited too? Maybe you should ask him how that went.

Hello hello and of course I can, and I agree with the first ask you sent me. I was not really thinking of Malleus specifically when I wrote that prompt but it really does suit him doesn't it?

Oh also, welcome to the hell site. I noticed you're new from the few asks you sent me (I was so confused as to how a blank blog was talking to me), I hope you have fun with the content on here. New people are always welcome with me, I know all about being shy and uncertain of how to interact with people. I'll answer the other Malleus prompt you sent in after I have done some others, it was my bad for not realizing you were the same person haha.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, full shojo manga lack of self awareness here in Malleus's part (it is implied to take place before the Ch. 6 reveal), just don't think about it is Yuu's middle name. The rest of the requests can be found on my masterlist here.

Malleus

"Tsunotarou, you know a lot about gargoyles, right?" Such a foolish yet welcome question. Truly your unawareness of just who you are conversing with never ceases to amaze and infatuate him.

"Of course, I am something of an expert." He smiles, trying to keep it from showing the whites of his teeth.

"Oh well then you must be very happy to be in Diasomnia." Your eyes are sparkling, and he pauses. Yes he is very happy to be in Diasomnia, but not for the gargoyles. Briar Valley has long respected the legacy of the Thorn Fairy, and what better house could there be for the noblest of nobles than one that's very core is the spirit of nobility? But these are not exactly things he wishes to speak with you about, it would require detailed revelations he fears the consequences of.

"And what makes you think that, child of man?" Still there must be cause for your reasoning, and he does wish to hear it.

"Well your housewarden is one, isn't he?" You seem very pleased with yourself, but your mind is clearly very far away. Malleus stares at you, eyes wide in shock as he attempts to piece together what logic might have drawn you to such a conclusion. "I met him last night." Your dreamy sigh fills him with jealousy, just irrational enough that the thunder crack above you is quite small enough that he can convince you to remain outside of Ramshackle in conversation with him.

"Your mask is really impressive!" Your eyes always shone at the simplest displays of magic, it filled Malleus with a joy he could never quite find his fill of.

"Mask?!" Roars Sebek, his volume matching the pride rapidly feeling Malleus's chest. "Foolish human, this is more than a mere mask! This is a display of my lord's skill! A perfect recreation of old Briar Valley Masquerade tradition! His artistic talent has been woven though magic to bear his true face for the world to see-"

"That's quite enough Sebek." He does enjoy his retainers praise, but he has a task in mind that the over excited boy might- no will definitely endanger if he speaks further.

"But my lord!" Poor Sebek is torn between embarrassment, jelousy, and concern as he watches his precious lord observe you in the same manner one might a particularly expensive jewel.

"They have given me a most treasured compliment and I wish to reward them in turn." He bows, making sure to flourish his hand as he extends it, taking great pleasure in the little shudder that he only sees unaccompanied by fear in you. "May I have this dance, prefect?"

"Y-yes. You may." You seem in a daze as he takes you to the floor, just as unaware of the others around you as he is. It's wonderful, no matter how many times he visits you he has never had such a good excuse to hold you as this. Your scent, the weight of you in his arms, the way he can better familiarize himself with the subtle movements of your face is all much more real and overwhelming than he had ever imagined it being. It's all Lilia can do to drag him away, whispering teasing things about impropriety and duty to soothe the storm at his fingertips as he sees your friends scoop you up where he left off.

"He is a very handsome gargoyle. And so polite! But then I guess he is royalty so that makes sense..." The continued thunder has you inviting him in, mentioning something about tea he really can't be bothered to think about.

"No he isn't." Malleus pouts. "The nobility of Briar Valley has a reputation for being extremely dour and irrational."

"Oh. Well no wonder he seemed so happy I danced with him. Poor fellow must be very lonely." Oh if only you knew.

"Enough about my housewarden." Malleus declares without a hint of irony, bowing in a familiar fashion to prevent you from entering your kitchen. "He isn't the one you are talking to now is he? He isn't the one who you will be thinking about when you dream tonight." In a slight daze you take his hand, the living room fills with green fireflies as the storm outside slows to a halt as kinder, not softer emotions fill the young lord's heart. "He isn't the one your last dance is for, so focus on me, won't you?"

Vil

"This is why I told you to make sure whatever costume Crewel gave you came with a coat." Vil is beyond angry, with you certainly, but mostly at- life? The fact humans have an immune system that doesn't always work? You have no clue and your head is much too stuffed up to care. What you do care about is that Vil is here, and he really shouldn't be. Colds are contagious and Vil has so many things that he should be doing other than fussing over someone who is not in his dorm and not his responsibility.

"You could get sick." You say and he laughs, if you could see him, if he was not sat behind you on a bed in one of Pomefiore's empty rooms, you know the look he would have on his face. You would see his stupidly beautiful smug smile he has when he has something particularly cutting to say; instead you have to close your eyes and picture it as he pats your head dry just a bit more forcefully.

"Not my responsibility you say? You certainly seem to have a funny view of this." Vil has a word on the tip of his tongue. A word that's ambiguous, a word that would make his manager have a fit. If only she had been a fly on the wall during the Masquerade last night.

"My my, you seem a bit out of place." The tall stranger must be confused at your staring, but he seems more amused than offended. "Does my costume enchant you that much?"

"It reminded me of something." It would hard enough to explain to a friend what you are thinking of, harder still to a stranger. The scarlet costume could have been taken from a playbill, you find yourself looking him over for any sign of a folio. You highly doubt it's you the Red Death wants to capture tonight, but you cannot say you will protest too loudly if that's what he decides. "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"Quite the opposite," the stranger does not ask you to dance, merely extends his hand and gracefully leads you off to the side when you take it, "so long as you praise me out loud you can look as long as you like."

"It's not like you got me sick." You sneeze into your tissue and Vil frowns, satisfied with your care but not with your answer. He had his suspicions that you may have made a... mistake in your assessment of your time at the Masquerade. But it did hurt him slightly to think that you did not know his essence well enough to have recognized him at once. "And I did get a costume with a cloak, I just gave it to the Red Death because it was too weird to see him without it."

"Mhmm I don't know." you say. It's such a shame Vil can only see your lips, he loves it when you tease him so much already it isn't fair he has to focus on something so tauntingly close and yet so far out of reach. "I think your costume is incomplete."

"Oh?" Vil makes sure to hold you close to him as the song ends, daring anyone to come close enough to try and steal your attention so he can laugh at the attempt. "What's your reasoning for that? Depending on what you have to say, I just might agree." You back out of his arms and make a frame with your fingers. "Kiss me." He begs silently. "Kiss me and leave a mark." But instead you unwind your cloak and fix it to his shoulder.

"Perfect. Now you really look like the portrait." And to his great despair you are gone.

Despite your earlier stated worries, you fall back into Vil's chest, tilting your back to look up at him. "When I'm not sick remind me to tell you about the Phantom of the Opera? I wanted to spend more time dancing with him, but I was feeling too much at home and got scared he'd vanish." Vil's eyes shine with a strangely familiar light, and he gently guides you under the bed's covers. Just before he leaves he kisses your forehead so gently it's all you can do not to cry.

"I think your phantom might be closer than you think." He murmurs against your skin and leaves you to sleep, tucking you under a mysteriously familiar red cloak as soon as your eyes are well and truly closed.

Riddle

"You will be too tired to do anything after the ball, so make sure to shower and go directly to bed."

It was good advice based off of a reasonable assumption, and technically you were not in fact physically doing anything. You were also quite tired, you had expected to spend most of the ball on the outskirts observing the display of feathers and paints but that was far from what actually happened. You don't think you had ever danced in your life as much as you had in the past six hours. It would be extremely reasonable to assume that after scrubbing yourself free of makeup and sweat you would be down for the count.

But you weren't. Your mind was running a mile a minute, eyes constantly glancing at your phone on your nightstand. It's an odd feeling, wanting to call someone and not being able to. It is also a feeling you have become deeply familiar with, the ache it produces might as well be permanently woven into your heart, you should be immune to the pain at this point.

This time though, this time the person you want to call could theoretically be within reach. This person was someone you could touch, someone you could hold, someone whose touch still lingered against your hands.

The little knight was just as awkward as you were, if he didn't immediately stutter out a protest you would have thought he was just as inexperienced with the whole formal party thing as you were.

"I know what I'm doing I just-"

"Then can you show me how to dance? I've been practicing but I'm not great at it." He stares at you, and you are worried you said something wrong until he laughs, it sounds smug you think but you can't be sure.

"That's the proper way to ask for a dance." He takes your hand in his as he bows, kissing it so gently you half think it was your imagination. "This is."

You pick up your phone before it buzzes, immediately sitting up in shock when you see just who is messaging you at 3:30 am on a Friday.

[Riddle] Are you still awake prefect?

[Yuu] Ace is that you.

[Yuu] I'm not covering for you if Riddle finds out you took his phone again (¬_¬)

[Riddle] What do you mean again?

The little knight's dance is stiff at first, but he relaxes as you continue. He has been guiding you to the center of the room, you belatedly realize. You must have looked frightened once you did. "It would be rude to stay in the corner during the slower songs." He squeezes your hand to bring your attention back to him. "It isn't against the rules to be bad at dancing, but it is to monopolize other people's space."

"Aren't you doing that right now?" You tease and he stops leading you, almost as if he hadn't even considered that.

"Are you not enjoying yourself?" He almost sounds afraid and you find yourself having to take over the direction of your movements.

"I didn't say that." Your knight almost seems to grow ten feet tall at your praise before he becomes aware of himself again and gets a bit bashful. But he does not take over again, content to let you set the pace of your dancing for the rest of the night.

[Riddle] Actually disregard that. Since you are awake, would you mind coming to your window? I understand throwing rocks is considered romantic but breaking a window would be most unfitting behavior for a housewarden.

You are tempted to tell him you are waiting for a message from someone else, but the unusual behavior has you at your window before you can even full form the thought. You almost drop your phone at the sight you see below you.

Riddle expected to have difficulty making eye contact with you. He expected to be teased about his failure to follow his own good advice, his costume has got to be a mess between the dancing he did with you earlier and the pacing he did once he got back to Heartslabyul.

But neither of those happen. Neither matters, instead you see him and the familiar scrap of paper you had given him with your number and a heart and fly down the Ramshackle steps into his outstretched arms.

"I'm so glad it was you I danced with tonight."

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #malleus draconia x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #500 followers celebration #malleus is just delulu enough to be jealous of himself and you cannot convince me otherwise #also i understand that malleus and vil's voice actors were actually in a production of phantom together before being in twst #as the phantom and Raoul respectively? or did i hallucinate that #anyway i just think vil suits the phantom role and will be making more references to that in the future

[leafofkudzu]

Hello and Happy New Year!!! The first Saturday of a new month will soon be upon us, which means it's time for another art party hosted by my guild, Verdant Shield [VS]! But this one is extra special, because exactly one year ago was my first real foray into the world of event hosting - that's right, it's the one-year anniversary of [VS] Art Party!!!

The very first [VS] Art Party was held January 7th 2023, and was a very quiet experiment with no visible tag, announced only two days before and hidden away in an obscure corner unlikely to be noticed by non-participants. I was nervous, but with a modest 20ish-person turnout and a chill energy not dissimilar to the current EU parties, it seemed to go over great! As art trickled into the tag over the following days and weeks, people started asking about future parties, and even about hosting ones on EU servers, which I could certainly do since I already had an EU alt. And so, a monthly tradition was born!

For those unsure of what an art party is, they're a concept carried over from Final Fantasy XIV - in-game get-togethers for artists/writers/creatives of all kinds to hang out, chat, and create together! Grab your character and outfit of choice, head to the party location, find someone that inspires you, and create! Afterwards, everyone posts their creations in a shared tag (ours is #VSArtParty) so others can see, interact, and share! The tl;dr I've been repeating since the very first announcement post is simply this: the 'goal' of an art party isn't to be drawn, but to draw others, and share with the community!

Time and /squadjoin information is under the cut, but will be posted again via reblogs as the squads go up on the day of the party!

Location Information:

It's a bit tricky to get to if you're F2P, but there was no way I wasn't returning to the location of the original party - the uninstanced asura home instance in Rata Sum, the Applied Development Lab! I've even dusted off my original map image, complete with hand-drawn arrows:

(That's Magustan Court Waypoint, by the way.)

This area is only accessible via flying mounts or with the use of a Teleport to Friend, so be sure to have one (or both) handy when the time comes!

Time & Squad Details:

As per usual, there will be two 3-hour parties - one on EU servers and one on NA ones - with an hour break in between. People do tend to arrive early though, and those with multiple accounts often jump directly from one to the other, so don't be surprised to see things running late and/or starting early!

The first party will be on EU servers and begin at 9pm Central European Time (aka 3pm Eastern Standard Time or 4 hours before in-game reset). I’ll be hosting on my EU alt account, so to join either /squadjoin or whisper Paranomalous Plexxi for an invite.

The second party will be on NA servers and begin at 7pm Eastern Standard Time (aka 1am Central European Time or at in-game reset). I’ll be hosting this one on my main account, so to join either /squadjoin or whisper Teekzi for an invite.

Closing Words:

The engagement, energy, and love in these events always blows me away, and words can't express how happy I am with what we've all created together. I'm so glad that I took that first step last year and extended an invitation to what would've likely just been a throwaway guild event to the best section of the GW2 community I know. GW2 tumblr, keep being amazing. I love you guys so much, and I can't wait to see you guys on Saturday, and for many more first-Saturdays-of-the-month to come!

Ever your diligent cat herder,

Meka ♥♥♥

#i was very serious about this month's graphic i made a gif for it and everything #super critical that it be at its absolute best because it's for a special occaision #i hope teekzi's little dab is appreciated #gw2 #guild wars 2 #obnoxious tourist simulator #vsartparty #📢🎨

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 14

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.

there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers

word count: 35K (🫠)

warnings: cursing, drinking, jealousy, mutual pining, sexual tension, intense making out, dirty talk, mature content, sub! hyunjin, references to fingering, mentions of the word cock, dom! hyunjin, handjob, grinding, dry humping, overthinking, references to anxiety and therapy, slight confrontation, opens with a flashback

a/n: thank you for being so patient with me, and this story! i worked a lot for this chapter, and its very pivotal to the rest of the story, in terms of hyun and yn. in fact almost 80% of this chapter is just them. i hope you love it. its very longg so please grab a blanket and snacks before sitting down to read it ;)

i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

summer of 2015.

“Do you know why those stars are called Cassiopeia?” 

The constellation was more visible than ever tonight — made up of five stars, it almost looked like a Queen sitting on her throne, in the sky.

It was a real question, because you had absolutely no idea why the constellations were named after Greek myths. You’d read about it, of course, within faded literature pages in middle school, but you’d never been interested in astronomy, so you hardly paid attention.

Staring up at it now, you wished you had.

“Hmm?” He asked, and you realised that he also hadn’t been paying attention, to you.

“Cassiopeia” You repeated, pointing your hand upwards, at the bright stars.

“I don’t speak French, babe”

“It’s Latin…” You told him, “What are you thinking of?”

The sand between your fingers was icky, but once you got used to it, it wasn’t all that bad. The waves rushing over you felt calm. The sea was warm this time of year, and the only thing you had looked forward to all summer was this moment, right here.

“I’m thinking…about how I’d do anything for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now” He replied, as if he’d been crafting his answer with perfection for ages, as if you hadn’t just asked him about the night sky, something completely unrelated. 

You turned your head, cheek pressing into the sand, “Really, Lix? We…just ate”

Felix sighed, still staring at the skies above, but making no effort to actually see anything, “I know, but…I’m still hungry”

It was tradition at this point, for you and Yongbok to run away to the beach, lie down in the sand, and talk about anything and everything in the world, or talk about nothing at all.

He was the one person in your life you didn’t mind silence with.

You rolled over to face him, as another wave washed over the two of you.

He squint at you, “What? Don’t look at me like that”

“Like what?” You laughed, elbows digging into the sand, “The carbonara Hana made was good, Lix. It was her first time making that too, don’t be so harsh on her”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was good, but I just don’t understand why we didn’t let Minho make dinner, as he does every time. You should stop being a kiss-ass to Hana”

“I am not a kiss-ass” You rolled your eyes.

He sighed, and sat up, making you sit up too, knees digging into the wet sand. You fixed the red strings of your bikini, tightening the knot at the sides.

He stopped you in the midst of that action, hand landing on your bare thigh, “Please? Just one sandwich?”

“Why can’t you make it yourself?” You frowned, looking up at him.

“Because…I don’t wanna get up” He hummed, lending his help to you. His fingers drifted upwards to your swimsuit and he tongued his cheek, “You don’t even know how to tie a knot properly. Let me”

You sat back, hands resting on your thighs as he took over. His fingers were cold, making you shiver, and Felix smiled at that.

“Did you even hear what I said?” You asked, annoyed.

He squinted, “About the French chick?”

You glanced back up at the sky, and the constellation that you had been talking of, “Greek. I was asking you if you know why the stars were named after her”

“Maybe she was really hot”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure she was”

He looked up at you, after tying the strings in a perfect knot, “Then they should name a star after you too, Y/N”

“Stop” You laughed, pushing his hand away, “You’re just saying that because you want me to get you food”

He smiled, shameless, “Yeah I am. Please?”

You glanced towards the cabin, a few hundred or so meters away. 

There were no lights on, since everybody else in the house had gone to sleep. Along the rest of the coast, other cabins dotted the beach, of all sizes and styles, lit up and occupied by families or groups of friends. It was a hot summer and nobody liked to stay in their stuffy city homes. 

But the coast was beautiful, and serene.

“Fine” You hummed, reaching over to pinch his cheek, “But you owe me, Lix”

His eyes were bright and you could never say no to him, so you gave in.

“I love you” He sang, as you walked over to the cabin, footsteps light in the sand. 

You took your time, relishing in the cool wind against your skin, occasionally turning back to smile at Yongbok. His eyes never left your figure until you reached the porch, making sure you got there safely, even though it was the safest place in the world.

Soon, this summer would end and you’d be back at school, missing this gritty sand and warm seawater. 

Yongbok’s shirt hung on the porch railing, next to your sweater and you slipped it on over your bikini, before stepping inside. The cabin tend to get cold, even on summer nights like this, so you hugged yourself to keep warm, as you walked through the foyer. 

Your friends were sleeping, and you had to be quiet. Treading carefully, the loud creak of the door still gave your presence away, wooden planks becoming wet with your footsteps.

You blindly fumbled in the dark, finding your way to the kitchen.

The television was on.

It was a little past three, and static noise buzzed through the little house, flashing colours lighting up the living room.

“Hello?” You asked, trying to see in the dark, “Minho?”

A blanket lay on the couch, but whoever had been watching TV had already left, since the remote lay buried in the pile of cushions. Frowning, you picked it up, turning it off.

“Just because Yongbok’s uncle pays for this doesn’t mean we can leave shit on…” You sighed, in the empty room, hoping Minho would hear you. The cabin was small, so even if he was upstairs, he’d be able to hear you. 

Now that the television was off, the entire room was engulfed in darkness again, and perhaps it would have been smarter to just leave it on so you could navigate. 

You weren’t scared of the dark, but you were easily startled. Moonlight filtered in through the windows, and peeking out, you could see Yongbok’s shape against the dark horizon.

In the blue light of your phone screen, you spotted your headphones on the coffee table. You plugged them in, switching to a playlist Yeonjun made as you slipped the headset over your wet hair.

It was silly, that you’d be making sandwiches for him at this time of the day, but you’d do just about anything in the world for Yongbok.

Humming along to your music, you stepped into the pantry, searching for the bread. For some reason, Minho had brought back four different kinds of bread from the local bakery earlier today, and you peered at the labels, wanting to pick one which wasn’t multigrain, since Yongbok hated that.

Whispers interrupted your search, and you stilled in your movements.

“Yongbok?” You turned around, but you couldn’t see anything or anyone in the dark.

It was probably your music that made you hear things, and you turned back to the shelf. 

“There you are” You smiled, spotting the Whole Wheat Bread.

You stepped into the kitchen, packet clasped tightly within your hands and that’s when you saw them.

You stilled in your movements.

The bread unceremoniously dropped from your hands, landing on the musty floor with a thump.

What the fuck?

Across the kitchen island, sat on the two bar stools, your best friend, Song Hana was kissing your other friend, Yeonjun.

No. They weren’t even just kissing. Hana was halfway in Yeonjun’s lap, and his tongue was so far down her throat that this obviously wasn’t the first time it happened. 

Your reaction of surprise wasn’t loud, but it might as well have been like dynamite inside the quiet house because it made them jump apart from each other, turning to face you.

His eyes were wide, as she noticed you in the doorway, “Oh my god. Y/N. Hey”

Hey?

So simple. Hey, I wasn’t just making out with our best friend.

You wish you could have just walked away without drawing attention to yourself, but now they were both staring at you.

You cleared your throat, thankful the dark concealed your shock, wondering what you could possibly say to diffuse the awkwardness, “Uh, I didn’t know anyone was awake in the house” 

“Yeah” Hana laughed, fumbling over her words, “I couldn’t sleep so…I came to get some dumplings”

Your gaze drifted to Yeonjun, and a faint pink coated his cheeks, but he wasn’t even looking at you. 

“Right... Jun?” You asked, making him finally glance up. Even in the darkness of the kitchen, you could prominently see the shape of his Adam’s Apple, as he swallowed, “Yeah, Y/N? Were you at the beach?”

You obviously saw them kiss, but they were hiding it, and there was nothing more to say.

“I…um, I just came to get some jelly, for Felix” You told them, “But…I’ll leave you two to it. Enjoy the...dumplings”

You immediately turned around, because you had to process this - whatever the hell you just saw, because your best friends were hooking up, and this was how you found out?

Hana had never expressed a romantic interest in him before this, what changed? Your friendship was too special, far too precious, to ruin with an impulsive mistake or decision like that.

You would ask her about it later, not tonight. 

You had to get back to the beach, to Felix. 

To something familiar, and comforting, and known and—

—A hand immediately grabbed your arm, stopping you in the corridor, in the midst of your thoughts.

You shouldn’t be surprised that it was him coming after you, instead of her.

Yeonjun was always the one wanting to fix everything, “Y/N, please wait”

He was always the one who never wanted to hurt you.

“Yeah?” You turned around, hoping you sounded as nonchalant as you wanted to, “You can keep the bread. I…I’ll just tell Yongbok we don’t have any”

“You’re hurt” 

Your eyebrows shot up, at his statement, “Hurt by what? The sandwiches weren’t even for me, I’m fine”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about”

A laugh escaped you, “Then what?”

Yeonjun closed his eyes, “I wasn’t hiding it from you…I was going to tell you”

“It’s okay, I can pretend I didn’t see anything” You shot him a smile, trying to leave but he pulled you back. You stumbled towards him in the dark corridor, wondering where Hana was, if she was listening to this, and what she must be thinking.

“Jun…” You laughed, another forced chuckle.

A flash of regret painted his eyes, “I promise, I was going to tell you”

It was cold, and you were confused, but Yeonjun’s grip was warm, and understanding.

He didn’t need to explain himself.

You were…just surprised, a whirlwind of thoughts running through your head of everything that could possibly go wrong after tonight, and wondering if you really knew your friends as well as you thought you did. They’d been hooking up all this time, and you never noticed, and you never picked up on any hints?

You were more disappointed in yourself than anything.

He continued speaking, “I was going to tell you in the morning, I didn’t know you’re still awake, Y/N”

“I just didn’t expect that. Does anybody else know about you?”

He shook his head, “There isn’t an us”

You swallowed, “I mean, it’s fine if there is. It’s just…kind of something I have to get used to. How long have you been-”

Yeonjun grimaced, “No, you don’t understand. That was the first time it ever happened, Y/N”

Your voice fell, “What?”

“You just …walked in on our first kiss” He explained, “We haven’t ever done that before. That’s what I was trying to tell you. It just happened”

“But…” You squeezed your eyes shut, “What? I don’t understand. Are you…two tipsy or something?”

Yeonjun laughed, “I wish, but no. We’re...completely sober. Sorry you had to see that”

Your voice softened, tension falling from your shoulders, “You don’t have to apologise. I just didn’t expect...”

He nodded, a chuckle escaping him, “Yeah. You know that I’ve liked her for years”

You crossed your arms, hugging yourself, “Yeah…I just, I had no idea she liked you back”

He laughed, “I didn’t either, but she said that she always wanted to kiss me too”

“That’s good” You told him.

He lowered his voice, “Y/N. There’s something else. She said she’s in love with me”

Your eyes shot open, “What? In…love with you?”

He nodded, a smile on his lips, “I know. It was hard for me to believe too. The girl of my...fucking dreams just said that to me, like it took no effort. I didn’t think that stuff happened in real life”

This changed everything.

Yeonjun was only sixteen, and he’d found the love of his life, and you were so happy for him.

Your eyes lit up, “Did she kiss you first?”

He nodded, his lips still had traces of Hana’s lipgloss on it, “Yeah. She did”

“Fuck, that’s...really cool” You stared at the floor, trying to process it, “I was just taken aback, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to freak out or anything”

He shook his head, “No, I completely understand” 

Just then, Hana stepped out from the kitchen, footsteps timid, hands hugging herself as she saw you, “Hey”

“Hey”

The only light in the corridor was from the moon, and it illuminated their silhouettes beautifully.

They hadn’t even got together yet but you could imagine them being perfect together.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like that” She bit her lip, “We were going to talk to you tomorrow. I’d never keep something like that from you”

Yeonjun glanced at her, eyes crinkling, “I told her”

She looked up at him, mouth parted, “You did?”

The way they were looking at each other made it obvious. This wasn’t just a temporary, impulsive crush. Was it so easy to find the love of your life?

“I’m…gonna go up to bed though” She squeaked, and Yeonjun nodded.

She turned to you, “Is it okay if we switch places? I wanted to stay with him tonight. You could…stay with Minho, or Felix?”

“You’re kicking me out of our room?” You joked.

Hana immediately seemed guilty, “Sorry. I can move your things for you”

“It’s okay” You nodded, even though you had far too many things and art supplies for Hana to even attempt to move, and you could never fall asleep in Felix’s bed, but they were in love and that was the craziest thing in the world, so those technicalities didn’t matter right now, and you’d make do.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to move my stuff just for tonight. I can share Lix’s comforter” You smiled at her.

Hana walked away, and you were left alone with Yeonjun.

His gaze trailed to the kitchen, “Did you want something…from in there?”

You remembered the reason you’d been here in the first place, “Felix…he wanted-”

“Peanut butter and jelly?” He finished your sentence, “It’s almost four in the morning”

“Yeah, you know how he is” You laughed.

He sighed, shoulders sinking, as realisation sank in, “Sorry”

For what?

He had nothing to be sorry for.

Guilt overcome you, because you’d walked in on his first kiss, essentially ruining it and now he was saying sorry to you.

You frowned, reaching to grab his hand, “For what? I’m really happy for you, Yeonjun. I’m sorry I ruined your first kiss”

“Y/N-”

“I should be the one apologising. I know I was surprised at first, but you know that you deserve the best? I…know how long you’ve liked her, and I’m really glad she feels the same way. Why are you apologising for that?”

Yeonjun was looking at you in amusement, and he reached ahead to tuck a wet strand of your hair back, “You’re really special, you know that right?”

“What?” You frowned, “Why?”

“I was apologising to you just because…me and Hana finished all the jelly”

»»————-

“The jelly is gone”

Felix turned to you, quirking an eyebrow, “What does that even mean?”

You settled back into the sand, still in your sweater, curling your legs up, “It means…the jam is over. They finished it” 

“Who?” His voice raised, in pointed annoyance, and surprise.

“Yeonjun, and Hana”

Felix sighed, leaning back on his palms, “Why were they eating jelly at three am?”

“I walked in on them kissing” You blurted.

“What?”

“I just…I saw them, inside, kissing”

“Wait, what?” He shifted on his knees, towards you, “Who? Hana and him?”

You glanced at him, “Yeah, who else?”

A variety of emotions passed Felix’s face, and perhaps you weren’t the only one having trouble processing this. They would be perfect for each other, but what if they were not?

You buried your hands in your sleeves, watching the moonlight bounce off the high tide.

There was silence between you, the only sound of the ocean waves breaking at the surface. 

You had been excited for them, but now that you truly thought about it...a worry festered within you.

“I didn’t know Hana liked him back” He spoke.

“They’re probably gonna date, right?”

“I don’t know” He shrugged, “They might”

You traced a heart in the sand, “I’m happy for them”

He tilt his head, “Yeah, sure, you sound real happy, Y/N”

You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling crazy for even thinking all of this but you could tell Yongbok anything so you did, “I am. I’m just worried”

“About?”

You felt like a child, but you had a tendency to imagine the worst case scenarios, “What if they stop hanging out with us?”

Felix’s eyes softened, “Babe…”

Your voice shot up, “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen it happen. What if they break up? Everything’s going to go to shit then. It’s a bad idea to date within your friend group, isn’t it? This could be the downfall of everything”

Felix sighed, shifting closer to you, “Nothing is going to happen”

“You don’t know that” Your voice now broke, and you felt stupid for worrying when you should be happy for them, “I don’t want to lose them…or you. You guys…are the best thing in my life”

“Babe, they haven’t even started dating yet” He chuckled, hand reaching to your chin, “Calm down”

You erased the heart you’d drawn, “Yeah. You probably think I sound dumb as fuck”

“I’d never think that about you” He smiled, “Your concerns are very valid…but I don’t want you to be upset about something that may never even happen”

You sighed, and maybe spending so much time around Felix had made you as dramatic as him, “But what if we have to choose? I don’t want any of them to get hurt”

“Why would we ever have to choose?”

“I don’t know. Like…pick a side between them, if they fight. You know that I can’t choose, I love Yeonjun as much as I love Hana-”

Felix laughed, “God. I love you” 

“Don’t laugh at me” You frowned.

“I’m not laughing at you, babe” He smiled, “I just think you’re…making yourself upset for no reason. You love doing that”

You looked up at him, “Lix…”

His voice softened, against the harsh ocean waves, “Nothing is going to happen. Even if it does, you’re not gonna lose us. I’m always going to be here, you know that, right?”

You grabbed his hand, pulling him closer, “What about…when you get a girlfriend?”

Felix laughed, “I doubt that’s going to happen soon, but if I ever have to choose between my girlfriend and you…I’m picking you. It’s not even a question”

A smile made its way onto your face, “Thank you. I would do the same”

The edge of his lip turned up into a grin, “I know you would”

Staring at Felix now, you felt the calm return.

The ocean was beautiful again, the sky was vast, the stars endless, and you felt at ease.

Things would perhaps forever change tonight, your best friends were in love with each other, but maybe everything else would still be the same.

“It’s a good thing, right Lix?” You asked, squeezing his hands so that your nails dug into his soft palms.

He tilt his head, “What is?”

“Love. Them…being in love? It’s a good thing” Your words were low, because you didn’t even really know what you were asking.

“Of course it’s a good thing, but it’s not just about their love. It’s about ours too”

You were confused, “Ours?”

His eyes swirled with intensity, and he swallowed, “Ours, like all of us. You, me…Minho, and them”

“Right”

“What constellation were you telling me about earlier?”

“Cassiopeia?” You questioned.

“Hmm. That” He crawled over to you, “Which one is it?”

You pointed him in the right direction, just over the horizon, where it was visible, “The five stars, it kind of looks like a W”

“Right, and she was some hot Greek chick, right?”

You laughed, “Yeah. She was”

He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close, “Well, she...died like billions of years ago, but she’s still here in the stars, isn’t she?”

“What are you trying to say?”

Felix turned to smile at you, “We’re just like her. The five of us. Five stars. That can’t be a coincidence, can it? We’re not going anywhere, okay?”

Your eyes widened at the sweet metaphor. Yongbok wasn’t one for romance, or anything of the sort, but you knew he meant his words.

He believed them.

And if he did, so would you.

“The five stars” You smiled, feeling your calm return, “Immortal”

He laughed, “Yeah. So don’t worry about us. You need to have more faith in us, Y/N. Things don’t just fall apart so easily, they won’t” 

“I know” You laughed, “I guess it’s kind of crazy. They found love so simply”

“You jealous?” He nudged you.

You rolled your eyes, “I wouldn’t even know what to do with love once I found it. All I need right now…is a job this summer, something to do, so I don’t sit at home and waste my youth”

He laughed, “Right, there’s the Y/N I know, only in love with the craft. I’m sure there’ll be a place in town you can work at this summer. Maybe a café , so you can get me free pastries every day”

“Oh. I almost forgot. Are you still hungry?”

“Starving” 

“I got you the sandwiches” You reached behind you for the Tupperware container you’d brought out of the beach house.

His eyebrows knitted together, as he stared at the box, “I thought you said the jelly was gone”

You lift the plastic lid, “It was but I crushed up some fruits, and I read online that if you add honey, it tastes just like jam…that’s why it kind of took me longer in there”

Felix doubled over, laughing loudly, “Oh my god. You did that for me at four fucking am?”

“It may not taste the best, but you better enjoy it” You mumbled, shoving the container into his arms.

“I know I will” He smiled, “And don’t worry about them, okay? No matter what happens, you always have me”

“Thank you, Lix. I know"

»»————-

summer now.

It had been years since you’d made each other that promise. 

Tonight, it felt futile, as you stared at the myriad of overwhelming text messages he had sent you. You had texted him back, telling him that you weren’t home, but he hadn’t replied since then.

“More beer?” 

You looked up, to see Yeonjun stood with another bottle in his hand, a cranberry extract he’d brought straight from his freezer. 

You hated beer, but you needed it tonight, so you grabbed it from him. It surprisingly didn’t taste horrible, so you savoured the fruity flavour in your mouth.

“What did you say to him?” He asked, sitting down next to you. 

“I told Felix I’m not home…” You spoke, “I asked him if we could talk tomorrow instead? I hope he understands”

“I mean, to Hyunjin” Yeonjun cleared his throat, “You were about to go over to his place, right?”

You glanced up at him, chest wrenching.

Sinking into the cushion, you stared at your phone, “I told him I can’t come either. He…didn’t question it. He probably was expecting me to cancel anyway”

Yeonjun needed you right now, and you couldn’t just abandon him— no matter how much you wanted Hyunjin, no matter how fucking horny you felt after that phone call. 

Your legs still felt weak, your heart was still pounding impossibly hard, and your underwear was soaked, but that wasn’t important right now. 

Your needs could be saved for another day.

He would understand. Hyunjin would still be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and you could meet him then.

“You really don’t need to stay with me” He spoke, “I feel like an asshole keeping you here”

“Yeonjun. You were crying, at three in the morning. I’m not leaving you alone”

He sighed, taking another sip of the cranberry beer, “Did you tell him why…? I don’t want Hyunjin to hate me”

“And why would Hyunjin ever hate you?” You turned to him, confused. Yeonjun hadn’t done anything wrong.

His eyes were still glossy, fresh tears dried on his face, and you hated the sight of it. He wasn’t an easy crier. In fact, in all your life that you’d known him…you could count the number of times you’d seen him so upset on one hand.

He licked his lips, swallowing, “Because I always keep coming between the two of you”

“Shut up” You scoffed, shoving his shoulder, “You know that’s not true”

He was still serious, despite the fact that you didn’t blame him at all, “Isn’t it? You were literally on your way to see him”

“I can see him tomorrow” You shrugged, trying to maintain a semblance of indifference and nonchalance, convincing yourself that it wasn’t that important. After all, it would be stupid to acknowledge how truly dependent you’d become on Hyunjin for your happiness. 

It wasn’t right, and even though seeing him right now felt urgent to your heart, to your body, you would still live another day and the world wouldn’t end if you didn’t meet him right this moment.

“I guess I don’t need to ask why you were on your way to him at three in the morning” He added, a teasing evident in his tone. You looked over to him, the emerging smile on his face and if teasing you was going to make him feel better, then you’d indulge him in it.

You laughed, embarrassed at how you’d been feeling like a fucking horny teenager, “You know Jun…any other day you would be very wrong, but tonight, I have to say it is exactly what you think”

“I thought you two weren’t going to be anything” Yeonjun hummed, stating the obvious fact that you were carefully trying to circumvent.

“We aren’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything” You tongued your cheek, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened. 

It started out as just a simple phone call. 

How did it escalate to that? 

“Right. I’m sure having sex with Hyunjin won’t mean anything to you at all” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “Sounds just like you”

You looked over at him, “Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you can call me out like that”

He laughed, leaning closer, “I’m just saying. He’ll probably be a million times better than the boys you’ve been with. Are you even prepared for that?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, heart jumping at his implication, “You’re supposed to be talking me out of this, not give me more reasons to want to jump him” 

Yeonjun laughed louder, “Man. You should enjoy this feeling, while it’s at its peak”

“What feeling?”

“That feeling, you know…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words, “When you’re falling for someone…and you’re fucking crazy about them, about every little thing they do? I remember, in the beginning, I used to have heart palpitations every time I saw Hana braid her goddamn hair, or something because she looked so adorable”

“What?” You let out a giggle, “I didn’t know you care about stuff like that”

Yeonjun smiled, “I was into everything that was about her, or even remotely related to her. I guess I was obsessed, but I don’t think anything in the universe can top that feeling”

You nodded, and you wondered if you’d ever stop feeling that way about Hyunjin. 

It had been months you’d known him, years since you’d first seen him, and your heart still went berserk at the mere thought, “Sometimes when I’m talking to him, it…feels like I have tunnel vision. I can’t see or comprehend anything except him”

“I know what you mean” He smiled.

You swallowed, remembering the reason for Yeonjun’s tears, “I’m sorry…about you and Hana”

“Yeah. I’m sorry too”

You reached over, to grab his hand, “And I’m sorry your heart is broken, and I wish I can take that pain away”

Yeonjun’s smile was sad, in return, “Me too…”

The couch cushions were frayed at the edges, because he hadn’t lived here in a while, and you fiddled with the corners to distract yourself from everything, from his broken heart, from your pining one.

“Did he say anything? Hyunjin?”

You peeked into your phone, to read the new texts, “He said, I got a call from Chan too. I hope Yeonjun feels better”

“Oh”

“Yup” Your fingers wrapped around the ice-cold beer again, and you took a swig, hoping the liquid would be enough to calm the fire in your heart. 

“It’s from the 7/11 behind Aera’s” Yeonjun explained, as if he’d read your mind, “You like it?”

“I do” You swallowed, refreshing your phone to see if Felix had said anything yet.

Yeonjun was silent, and he sat like that for a minute, staring into the dark corners of his living room, until he spoke, “Earlier today, I was thinking of the summer me and Hana got together”

“I was thinking about that summer too” You mumbled, “Can you believe it was almost…six years ago?”

“Six years?” He laughed, “That’s insane”

“It is. It feels like yesterday”

“I told her I loved her that summer for the first time… and six fucking years later, it’s not enough. You’d think the person you love for six years, you’d stay with them forever”

“I know...” You realised.

“What did he say…when you told him you can’t come? Felix?”

Perhaps, on another day, you would find it funny that Yeonjun had to keep clarifying which boy he was referring to, as if you had a carousel of boys in your life to keep you busy.

You sucked in a breath, “He didn’t say anything. I just...don’t understand what happened between us. One day we were fine, the next he hated my guts. I can’t even remember the last time I talked to him, my own best friend”

“The only thing between you and Felix…is Felix himself. It’s not your fault”

You laughed, realising the situation, “I’m sorry, this is so…typical of me. I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around”

“That goes both ways” He hummed, and you looked over at him. 

He looked exhausted, sat with his legs curled, dressed in silly panda pajamas. It remind you of high school, when you used to study together; you would help him with literature so he could help you survive math. 

You used to sit right on this very couch, frustrated with the books, wishing everything in life was as easy as painting.

Even though as of late, you’d contemplated why everything seemed to be against you, you realised how blessed you were to know him.

He looked so different from the boy you’d grown up with, yet still somehow the same. 

Yeonjun was only twenty-two, but he’d just lost the love of his life, and you could see that in his gaze.

It resembled yours, the night you lost the apprenticeship.

Maybe that was an insensitive comparison. After all, a lover couldn’t ever compare to a temporary two-year art mentorship, could it?

Yet, your craft was the one thing in your life that you know you’d have, even after he left. That would still be the same.

Yeonjun had the hint of a smile on his face as he watched you finish the beer, and he was so handsome when he smiled, but…the crinkles in his eyes were strained, forced. 

He was only smiling so you wouldn’t worry about him. 

“Why do you we put ourselves through this?” You blurted, the effects of the beer settling in.

He tilt his head, “Through what? Feelings?”

You chuckled, staring at him and the spots that dotted his cheek, “Yeah. Feelings”

“At least we have each other” He laughed, “I’m really glad you exist, Y/N”

You wanted to stop moping, and to just appreciate what you had. 

You shifted closer to him, so that your bodies would touch, and you wouldn’t both be alone right now, “I’m glad you exist too, Jun”

He immediately wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him.

It was always better to be alone together.

The television was right in front of you, and the shelves framing it were stocked with old VCRs, and tapes and movies.

“Remember when there were five of us on this couch…and there was absolutely no space for anyone, but we would watch Say Anything over and over again?” You laughed, thinking back to all the sleepovers. 

You’d spent so much of your childhood here, in this room as Yeonjun’s mum baked you treats. Tonight seemed to be a night of remembering, and of nostalgia, and your mind felt clearer than it had in hours. 

Maybe it was Yeonjun’s arm around you, maybe it was the memory of Hyunjin’s voice in your head, or maybe it was the fact that Felix had finally reached out to talk.

You wonder what he had to say, but regardless, that was a problem the you-from-tomorrow would worry about.

You-of-tonight would just let this night be, and not try to make of it more than it was.

“Do you wanna watch it?”

You glanced at him, “Just the two of us?”

He nodded, “Yeah”

It was well past three am, and starting a movie right now would mean that you both wouldn’t get any sleep, but that was okay, and some sleepless nights were worth it. 

You had work in the morning, but Yeonjun wasn’t here for long so you had to make the most of those moments. This might be exactly what he needed, to feel better. 

“All right” You agreed, “Let’s watch it”

He got off the couch, stretching his lanky panda-pajama legs out. He wandered over to his cabinet, filtering through the box of CDs. You hadn’t used those in forever, far too used to the Netflix you shared with Yongbok, but perhaps bringing everything back to as it was, is what would make everything better.

“What do you think he wanted to talk to me about?” You wondered out loud, tracing the rim of your new beer bottle.

Yeonjun was sat on his knees as he searched for the movie, “Honestly?”

“Yeah”

He stared off into space, hands paused in his work, “Felix…would do anything for you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to apologise now”

You nodded, taking another sip of the cheap cranberry-extract beverage.

“I made a promise to him, when we were fifteen… that I wouldn’t let anything come in between us. Do you think he blames me for what’s happening to us?”

Yeonjun glanced at you, soft gaze, before turning back to the wooden box, “He could never blame you for anything, Y/N”

You sighed, “Yeah”

“Do you need help?” You realised, as Yeonjun frowned.

“Could you check the other box?” 

You nodded, joining him on the wool carpet, rummaging through the box his sister had labelled.

“I swear, Yuqi needs to have a better organisation system in place” He mumbled.

“I miss her” You laughed, “How is everything with her?”

“She’s actually visiting soon, especially when I told her I was back in Daejon for a while” He smiled, “She’s almost done with her studies”

“That’s crazy” You laughed, “Is she gonna work in Busan too or will she move back here?”

Yeonjun hummed, “You can ask her all of that when she comes. I really do not want to discuss my sister right now”

You laughed, flitting through the various discs.

“Found it!” You declared, bringing out the DVD and handing it to him, “Will it still work?”

“I have faith it will” He got up on his knees, inserting it into the player, “Does Felix know you’re at my place?”

You shook your head, “He would freak”

He seemed to be pondering over it, “You could…call him here”

You blanked, “What? You…two haven’t talked in months. I don’t think he’d come here, even if I called him”

“Say Anything was his favourite film. Tell him we’re watching that”

You laughed, because the idea was so ridiculous, “You think Felix would put aside all of his animosity towards you…because we’re watching his favourite movie?”

Yeonjun nodded, “It sounds exactly like him”

You chuckled, “Yeah… you’re right”

You sent him a text.

im watching say anything…

If you wanna come?

felix:

i thought you said you’re not home 

you:

im not

im with yeonjun 

we’re gonna watch it together

felix:

you’re at yeonjun’s house??

you:

yeah 

we can talk about whatever it is you wanted to discuss here

felix:

sorry yn

im gonna pass

you:

seriously?

im trying here lix

felix:

trying what exactly?

you:

i thought we agreed not to let anything get in between us

or do you not remember that summer?

felix:

out of the two of us, i don’t think im the one that doesn’t remember that summer

ill see you later yn

you:

sometimes youre being impossible and i don’t know what you want

felix:

maybe it’s better you don’t

“Any luck?” Yeonjun asked, and you glanced up at him, disappointed.

“Nope”

He let out a sigh, taking a seat back onto the couch, and you joined him. The disc player made a lot of noise as it started up, and you feared it may not work from years of no use, but the screen lit up. 

Perhaps the reason you liked this movie was because it was so simple.

It was about an impossible love, made possible, against all odds.

You settled into Yeonjun’s shoulder as it started.

It didn't feel the same without them. There were silly parts that Felix would always laugh at, jokes that weren’t even funny, and Hana would always be pointing out the inaccuracies in the movie, to Minho’s joy.

It wasn’t the same.

Everything had changed.

Would things be different today, if you’d thought with your head instead of your heart?

Or would everything still be the same?

“Do you believe in fate?”

He glanced at you, new bottle of beer balanced in his lap, that he’d took from the icebox near his feet, “Hmm?”

It felt sad, just the two of you, drinking away, at what should be the peak of your lives.

“You know…the notion that there’s a path our lives are supposed to be on, and that every choice or decision we make just takes us there”

“I don’t know, Y/N. Doesn’t that mean we have no free will? That everything is already chosen for us?”

“I guess” You shrugged, reaching for the bottle between his thighs. He let you, and you brought it up to take another sip. 

“What? Do you think it’s fate we broke up?” He laughed, “Me and her?”

You shrugged, “No, I guess I’m just thinking if I made the right choices this summer”

“What do you mean?” He turned to you, seemingly having lost interest in watching the movie anymore.

You picked at the fabric of the couch, “I loved how things used to be. Still, I was fighting it for the longest time because I so badly wanted everything to change too. I wanted to move out. I wanted Felix to support that. I wanted Hana to not be heartbroken anymore. I wanted us all to…stay in touch, no matter what, but now I wonder if wanting all of that is futile. I can’t have all of it. Isn’t that too greedy of me?”

“Y/N…” Yeonjun spoke, “It’s okay to hold on to the things we love, even if you want your life to change. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wishing that”

You bit your lip, “Because now I really wish Lix were here…I made a promise to him that I’d never let anything come in between us”

“You were fifteen. I made a lot of promises to Hana too, which obviously aren’t true anymore… but that doesn’t mean I was lying when I made them. People change, and priorities change. It’s not set in stone”

You nodded, “I guess promises when made, are just hope that even if everything in the world changes, you’ll still hold on to that person”

“Yeah”

“Tonight at the pool, before the dinner party, Hyunjin said that he would finally tell me what was going on, with Jisung, with the media, and why he’s been so stressed the last couple of week. I wanted to ask him so many tim-”

Yeonjun turned to you, “Did you just say Jisung?”

“Yeah. Why?” 

“Um. Nothing. I just…heard about him…on the news”

You sat up at those words, turning to face him, “What did you hear?”

He sighed, “You really want me to tell you? It might be better if Hyunjin does. I don’t know the whole extent of things”

A wave of worry washed over you. Was the situation really so bad that Yeonjun, a person who didn’t even keep up with such news, had already heard about it?

You settled back down, because there was no point stressing over it now, “I’ll talk to him tomorrow, first thing. I hope Jisung is okay”

“How is his band anyway?”

“You haven’t heard their music yet?”

He shrugged, “On the radio, a couple of times” 

“What? They play his band on the radio?” 

Yeonjun glanced at you, smiling, “Yeah. Sometimes when I’m browsing the television, their videos also come up. Their sound is really fucking cool”

“That’s crazy” You realised, “I think I’d lose it if I heard Hyunjin’s voice on the radio. I’d...probably think it was fate or something”

“I have no doubt that you would” He laughed.

“I haven’t heard all their albums” You admitted, “Does that make a bad friend?”

“Depends” He shrugged, “Why haven’t you heard it?”

You fiddled with the blanket in your lap, “If I hear all their music, and his voice when he sings…I might fall even crazier in love, and that’s just…avoidable”

Yeonjun smiled, eyes crinkling, “Why…why don’t you tell him, Y/N?”

“Tell him what? That I haven’t heard all of his music? He’d hate me-”

“That you’re in love with him” 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because if he knows you love him, it might change everything”

You swallowed, “It won’t change the fact that he is who he is, and that his life is the way it is”

“No, but listen to me, Y/N. Love is a…it’s a huge fucking thing. It might change everything, if he knows what you feel for him, the true magnitude of it. He might reconsider his never-dating-anybody theory”

You stared at Yeonjun as he spoke, unable to even imagine or comprehend how Hyunjin could react to such knowledge.

To be told that someone was in love with you.

How would you react to something like that?

You’d never been in that position before, not romantically anyway, and maybe Yeonjun was right. It would change things. How could it not?

“I’ll…think about it”

“Sometimes, the things that can make the most difference in our lives, is the stuff that we don’t say”

“God. You’re like…a complete self-help book speaking at this point, you know that?”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, poking you, “If someone told you they loved you, wouldn’t that change everything?”

“It’s hard to imagine. Maybe you’re right”

“When is he going back to the city?” Yeonjun asked, the one topic you’d been avoiding forever. 

Your heart stung at the reminder.

He was going to leave, eventually.

“Not till the end of summer, which is still a month away, so...I have time”

But he would leave.

“He’s going back in a month? Fuck, that’s...not much”

“Yeah” You nodded, “I’m trying not to think about that. It’s...too soon, it’s going to go away in the blink of an eye. I don’t really wanna think about how I'll feel the day he leaves”

“I understand”

“I’ve gotten so used to him, and being around him, it feels...natural, and after tonight- we’re only getting closer”

Yeonjun smiled, “Maybe one more month with you, and Hyunjin may just change his mind”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s impossible”

He sighed, wrapping his arm around you again, “Guess what? Last week, at work, one of the HR interns…she asked me out on a date”

“What?” You laughed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There was nothing to tell. She’s cute, well I don’t even know her, but I think I’m gonna take her out next week”

“You are?” You giggled, shifting closer.

He smiled, waving his hands about, “It’s time for me to finally branch out. To move on”

“I can’t believe all of this started from Hana wanting to move on, the beginning of this summer” You remembered.

Yeonjun glanced at you, “So then technically, you have me to thank for bringing Hyunjin into your life”

You laughed loudly, “God, yeah, I guess that is it. You’re responsible”

He grinned, pulling at your cheek, “I guess fate does exist”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. If me and Hana had to be over so that you could find the love of your life, I’d say it was pretty fucking worth it”

You rolled your eyes, “And why can’t the both of us…be happy? Is fate so cruel to deny you your one true love?”

Yeonjun turned to smile at you, a glint in his eye, “Well. Maybe… the cute intern from HR is the love of my life”

»»————-

The loudness of The Grove did nothing to ease your headache. It was just a little past six am, but the diner was in full swing, and customers filtered in and out of the joint, grabbing their usual breakfast waffles and chocolate milkshakes.

“Give me just two more minutes, Y/N!” Seonmi yelled, over the counter, as she sped through making the quickest caramel macchiato you’d ever seen.

“Of course” You responded, balancing your bag on the counter as she cycled through the customers. You’d hardly slept last night, not even having the energy to finish the film, and you and Yeonjun had fallen asleep on the living room couch as the credits rolled.

You had been woken up by your very loud alarm, and you’d apologised to him for it, somehow forgetting that today was a work day, and that you’d have to leave at dawn.

Glancing around the diner, you noticed some familiar faces from the Lakehouse party, people you remember seeing through your blur of tears. San and Seonghwa knew a lot of people, but you hadn’t expected to see them around town so soon.

One of the boys made eye contact with you, and you looked away, hoping none of them remembered the harsh fight you’d had with Hana.

They probably heard everything.

Not that you cared what they thought of you, you just wish you could go back to that night and erase the argument, for your own sake. 

“Okay, I can take your order now!” Seonmi squealed, stepping up to you, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

You tugged the earphones out of your ears, smiling at her, “Can you take a breather for me?”

Her eyes widened, in perplexed cuteness, “What do you mean?”

“You seem so stressed and the day hasn’t even started yet” You grabbed her hand over the counter, squeezing it, “Don’t forget to breathe”

Her lips tugged up, “Thank you, Y/N. You know how it gets sometimes, there’s a rush this morning and I don’t even know why”

“Well, I don’t know how it gets since I don’t work in the most popular diner in town” You teased her, as she smiled, “Something tells me a lot of people come here for the cute waitress”

She let out a giggle, “Thank you. What can I get you, though?”

“The regular would do” You told her, playing with the little tabletop jukebox, “Whipped cream too, please”

“Of course” She smiled, getting back into the meld of things, and you took a temporary seat at the barstool, as she made your drink.

“Those people…do you know them?” You asked her, glancing over at the group.

She looked up momentarily, “The ones from San’s party?”

“Mmh” 

“They’re older than me, so I don’t really hang with them much. I think most of them are only here for the summer”

“Really?”

Seonmi nodded, as she piped whipped cream onto your hot latte, “Jiho’s from Seoul, and Alexander, he’s visiting from up in Incheon”

It seemed like everyone your age who was born here, had since moved out of Daejon, in pursuit of happiness, and better things.

“Ah, I see” You bit your lip, even though you didn’t know who Jiho was or who Alexander was.

“Why do you ask?”

“They were looking at me earlier, and I think I saw them playing beer pong at the Lakehouse. Just wondering” You shrugged, as Seonmi reached over, handing you your cup.

“Ah, probably because of Hyunjin” She giggled.

“What do you mean?” You tilt your head, a soft smile fighting you just because hearing his name made your heart pound like crazy, even at six am on a work day.

“You know…” She glanced up at you, while wiping the counter clean, “You and him are always together…people are talking”

You sat up straight, “About… us?”

She nodded, “Don’t worry about it though, the people of Daejon always need something to talk about. They’ll move on soon”

Even though you hated town gossip and rumours, the idea that people associated you and Hyunjin with each other made your heart warm. You’d never thought something that bizarre could happen, but hearing his name with yours made it all the more real.

You smiled, flushing at just the thought of him, “Um…did he come by earlier this morning?”

Seonmi had moved on to her next order, hurriedly adding caramel to a drink, “Hyunjin? Nope”

You frowned, “He usually comes by though, right?”

She nodded, “Without fail, every morning…he’s here. Kind of gives me something to look forward to, if I’m being honest”

“Yeah?”

Seonmi paused in her work look at you, “Yeah. He’s always so…kind. It’s like within the flurry of customers, he’s the only patient one. Plus, he’s a sight for sore eyes on morning shifts”

You chuckled, “I didn’t know he’s here that often”

“Oh, he is. I guess Hyunjin can’t live without his coffee either” She shrugged, and then suddenly lit up as if remembering something, “Oh! The other day, you should’ve seen him, Y/N, he was so cute. He spent the entire day here, just reading this book he’s carrying around, and wow…everybody was asking about him, about the quiet, pretty boy in the corner”

Just hearing Seonmi describe him made your heart flutter, because you could picture it so perfectly in your head, even though a part of you was also envious that she got to see him like that, instead of you.

“When was that?”

“A couple of days ago” She scribbled an order for another customer, “I wanted to ask him what book he was reading, but I was really nervous”

You laughed, “Why were you nervous?”

“He’s…intimidating, and I didn’t wanna bother him. But you two are close, maybe you can ask him for me”

Close couldn’t even begin to describe it, but how else would you explain what you two had?

“Yeah, we’re…close”

“Kinda weird he isn’t here today” She added, “But you can always bring him coffee… Maybe he’s busy, or slept in late”

You hadn’t even thought of that, “I could?”

She laughed, “I mean you two are practically dating, aren’t you?”

The warmth faded, and you shook your head, “No of course not, we’re …friends”

Of all the things going on in his life, he couldn’t afford to get into a dating scandal right now, especially because of you.

“Right” She rolled her eyes, “You should still bring your hot friend a coffee”

“You think so?” The idea of bringing it to him made you giddy, because you could imagine his smile, and it would be such a great start to your day - making him happy.

“Of course. He gets the same order as yours anyway, I’ll just add another to your tab”

“Okay” You agreed, and pulled out your phone.

You hadn’t talked to him since last night.

Since…that phone call.

The memory made you red and hot all over, and you opened up his texts. You weren’t sure how to even start, but perhaps you wouldn’t overthink it.

It was obvious to him how you felt, especially after that conversation, and you would just be yourself now.

There was only a month. There was no time to shy away from what you truly wanted.

No more holding back, or second-guessing.

you:

good morning hyun

are you home ?

His reply was instant, meaning he was awake and okay, and you leaned on the counter, waiting for him to type out his answer.

hyun:

morning yn :)

yes i am 

where else would i be at six am ?

you:

idk haha

im at the diner

are you coming here ?

i was thinking i could, like meet you before work

hyun:

oh

im sorry 

i don’t think i can

you:

is everything all right?

hyun:

i think i might be sick :/

you:

what??

what’s wrong?

hyun:

haha its nothing…

just my head hurts like a bitch

ive been up all night

You frowned, heart clenching at the thought of him being in pain.

“Here’s your coffee, love” Seonmi interrupted, placing a to-go cup in front of you, “Well…Hyunjin’s coffee”

“Actually…could I get some peppermint tea instead?” You asked, and she stared at you like you were crazy.

“You’re asking for tea?”

“Hyun is feeling sick” You told her, and just the words felt bitter in your mouth. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say much, just that his head hurts” You frowned.

“Oh” She pouted, “Of course. I’ll get you some right now, but it might get cold by the time you get it to him. Maybe the caffeine will help more?”

“You’re right” You stared at the coffee.

“Hey” She laughed, reaching forward to grab your hand, “Now you’re the one who looks stressed”

“I am… just worried about him”

“He’ll be fine. It’s only a headache” She hummed, returning to her chores, then teased, “Just friends, you say”

It was your turn to roll your eyes, “Friends can be worried, too”

“I know” She laughed, “It’s funny cause Eunbi keeps saying the same thing to me about her boy. Just friends”

“Who’s Eunbi dating?” You questioned, hoping some town gossip would distract you from Hyunjin being unwell.

Seonmi glanced up at you, lowering her voice so the other patrons wouldn’t hear, “Oh, they’re not dating. Just fucking”

“I didn’t know Eunbi is into that kind of situation” You noted, grabbing Hyunjin’s coffee in your hands.

“Yeah! I honestly didn’t think Felix would be either but like…they’re both hot, so I completely get it”

“What?” You looked up, stopping in your movement.

She flippantly glanced at you, “Yeah…her and Felix”

“Wait…what?”

She chuckled, “They’re fucking…I just told you. You didn’t know?”

“No…” You trailed off. 

Is that what Felix wanted to talk to you about?

She stared at you, realisation dawning on her face, “Oh. I thought everybody knew”

“I didn’t” You stated, perhaps too harshly.

“Fuck. You’re…not in love with him or anything, right?”

“What?”

She shrugged, “I mean…you two have been…you know…best friends since-”

You frowned, grabbing your bag off the counter, “No. I’m just taken aback…”

“You sure?” Seonmi frowned, eyebrows knitting together.

You stared at her, “Yeah. I’m sure”

“Well, I’m sure he was gonna tell you soon. Maybe he just forgot”

“Yeah. We’re not really talking right now” You mumbled.

She nodded, “Ah. Eunbi mentioned that. Your fights”

“She knows about that…?”

She shrugged, knowingly, “Yongbok told her”

You squeezed the coffee cup in your hands, a bitter taste in your mouth but you didn’t have time to dwell on this right now, Hyunjin needed you, “I…um, I better get this coffee to him before it gets cold”

»»————-

It had only been a few minutes since you knocked at his front door, the floral wreath hung on the front shaking every time you did so, but nobody had come to the door yet.

You should be patient and wait a bit more.

But your mind assumed the worst, like what if Hyunjin passed out…or fell so sick he couldn’t get out of bed? 

You had half a mind to bring out your phone to ask him where he was because he said he’d be home, but your hands were unfortunately occupied by the coffee. 

The revelation from the diner was still bothering you, but now, you had more important things to worry about.

“Hyun?” You called out loud, in the hope that maybe if he didn’t hear the knocking, he’d hear your voice.

In response though, you heard a bark, making you jump out of your skin.

Kkami.

He was nearby, and you stepped off Hyunjin’s porch, following the sound of his puppy’s excited mewling and barks.

“Kkami?” You asked, tentatively, peeking around the side of his house. 

You don’t know how you hadn’t noticed this before. 

A little metal gate, rusted, led to a back garden.

The path was surrounded on either side by overgrown vines and flowers. 

You hadn’t ever come here before. 

Well, technically you’d only been to Hyun’s house once and hadn’t seen anything except his bedroom. The memory made you warm, and you relived it in your head as you pushed open the rusted garden gate. 

The path ran along the side of Hyunjin’s house, and stepping over the pebbles, you passed the windows of his kitchen and living room.

You were trespassing, technically, but he would understand, right?

“Kkami…?” You called out again, emerging into the back garden, when the little ball of fluff ran head-on towards you, jumping at your body with enough force, catching you off guard. 

The surprise knocked you and the coffee to the ground, and the cup overturned, spilling all over your top.

“Ow” You mumbled, hitting the grass, as Kkami began licking your hand, and the coffee soaked all the way through your shirt. 

It was already cold by now, so it didn’t burn. Still, frustration coursed through you because you’d carefully sought this coffee for him, and now you wouldn’t even be able to give it to him.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin’s voice interrupted your short-lived misery, and you looked up, an impossible frown on your face. 

A frown that melted immediately, with the sight that you were greeted.

Hyunjin.

He sat cross-legged on the grass, across the garden, a soft white sweatshirt enveloping him.

A paper-thin novel was held between his hands, glasses pushed up to his hair, and you had half a mind to question just why Hyunjin was up at six am on a weekend, and reading a goddamn poetry book, but that wasn’t the craziest thing about him today.

His hair.

Wispy bangs fell into his eyes, the color of fucking chocolate.

What the fuck?

Your annoyance at Kkami was forgotten, and so was any semblance of a thought you had in your head. Talk about a fucking cliche.

“Y/N…” He immediately stood up, placing his book to the side, face-down on the grass, and you worried that the pages would get wet, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to care about that right now. 

He rushed to you, bending down to your height, “I’m sorry, Kkami. He…”

Carefully, he pried the puppy away from you, telling him to go sit in a hushed whisper, before he turned back to face you.

You felt silly, sat on the grass on your butt, with just your palms supporting you, coffee soaking through your work clothes, staring at him.

Had his eyes always been that pretty?

The light-brown hair brought out the hazel in his eyes, which seemed even brighter now, and every romance book you’d heard Hana talk about suddenly made all the sense in the world, as you felt yourself get sucked into the depth of his gaze.

“You okay?” He tilt his head, the movement making his bangs shift, and you noticed that the side strands were longer, framing his face perfectly.

His brows were darker now too, to match the hair, and just when you thought you couldn’t go absolutely insane about him anymore, he’d prove you wrong by doing something like this.

His lips, puffier than usual, curled up into a smile when he noticed you staring so blatantly.

“Yeah” You cleared your throat, “You…you said you were sick”

So he just forgot to tell you this morning that he’d completely changed his hair?

“I am” He chuckled, then his gaze fell to your top, “You’ve got coffee on you”

“Oh” You glanced down at it, and you didn’t feel anything, or maybe you were too enamored by the boy to feel any pain. 

He must be a fucking siren, or a creature of some sort to have this sort of effect on you, even after all this while. Everything you’d been worrying about seemed like a distant memory, a problem you didn’t have to deal with, and all he’d done was say five words to you.

“Are you hurt? I’m sorry about your coffee…Kkami is misbehaving a lot-”

“It’s actually your coffee” You stated, looking back up at him, finally finding your bearing on coherent words and sentences, “Well…was your coffee”

“Mine?” He smiled, “You brought that for me?”

You nodded and added, stupidly, “I…was at your front door, but you weren’t there, so I…came in through the metal gate”

“Yeah. I was here” He explained, even though it was obvious, “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

You nodded, reassuring him, “I’m okay, but…if you’re sick, why are you out here?

“I needed some fresh air. My head…” He grimaced as another bout of pain hit him.

Without thinking, you reached forward, caressing his face, and Hyunjin was taken aback, just slightly.

Your voice was low, soft, “It hurts?”

His eyes fixed onto yours, as your fingers trailed down his jaw, “Yeah”

“I’m sorry” You spoke, “Where does it hurt?”

He grabbed your hand within his, long fingers wrapping around your wrist, and guided it to just above his eyes, brushing past his bangs, “Right here, but…don’t worry about me”

“Let me take care of you” You blurted, touching him delicately.

His eyes closed, and he smiled, relishing in the feeling, “I need to get you out of these clothes first”

“What?” 

His eyes shot open, realisation sinking in, “I mean…the coffee. You have to change”

“Oh, okay”

“Come on” He gestured, helping you stand up, with your unsteady feet. The cup of coffee lay upturned on the grass, along with your bag. Hyunjin held your hand in his own, and bent down to pick up your bag with his other. He slung it over his shoulder, tugging the strap tightly.

You looked around the back garden, and it was so beautiful that you had to do a double take just to take everything in.

“It’s amazing” You breathed, watching Kkami play in the grass, tossing and turning around. Your gaze fell to the book that lay open on the grass, and Seonmi’s words came to mind, “What were you reading?”

“I can tell you that later, when you’re warm and dry” He chuckled, then touched your lower back to guide you into the house, “Come”

You nodded, his touch sending a tingle down your spine, but let him lead you into his house. 

It was crazy, that just yesterday you were so bold, talking about the things you wanted him to do to you, and now…now you were going into overdrive just at his hand on your back.

You craned to look at him, “Are you in a lot of pain?”

He shook his head, “I’ll be fine”

There was another entrance at the back of the house, sliding doors opening up to reveal his living area, warm wooden floors and cosy seating. Kkami ran in just after the two of you, jumping around the futon.

“Do you want to wear something of mine?” Hyunjin asked, leading you to his bedroom. You’d been so lost in him that you’d forgotten what you were doing here. 

You had initially been on your way to work.

“I have…a hoodie in my bag. An extra one” You told him, “I brought it in case it gets cold”

He stopped at the threshold of his doorway, looking at you, “Well, that’s perfect then”

“Yeah” You nodded, “Can I change in your bathroom?”

“Of course” He smiled, and you stepped inside.

Being back here after all this time, was strange. 

His bed was exactly the same kind of messy, but covers and duvets now switched out for a sky-blue color, and his pillows were lined up against the wall. 

It made you want to lie down, since you were severely lacking sleep, but you had work, and this bed wouldn’t probably be big enough for the two of you.

The thought was ridiculous anyway, but it left you wondering.

Last night, you were on your way here in your lustful daze, and if Yeonjun hadn’t been heartbroken, you would have come here. 

The canvases leaning against the far wall were new; you could tell he’d been working on so much art in your absence. Paint canisters were haphazardly placed across the floor, and you carefully walked amongst them, hoping to not knock over any.

Pushing open the door to his bathroom, you placed your bag on the counter, searching through for your hoodie.

Hyunjin leaned on the doorway, watching you, peacefully. He must be in more pain than he let on, because he was hardly saying anything.

You glanced at him, eyebrow raised, “Are you… going to stay here while I change?”

He laughed, “No, I…I’m just…Never mind”

He turned around, giving you the privacy you needed. 

You peeled off your tank top, scrunching it up over the sink to squeeze the liquid out, and you both didn’t address the fact that you hadn’t closed the door, instead letting Hyunjin stand facing the other way.

If he turned, he would see you in just your bra, but you honestly didn’t even mind, or care.

Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you wiped the sticky coffee from your forearms.

“I’m sorry about Kkami” He spoke again, and you glanced at his back. It was cute, how he stood facing the other way, arms crossed, like a kid on a timeout. His hair grazed just past his shoulders, the chocolate brown contrasting perfectly with his sweatshirt.

“It’s all right” You smiled, running the shirt under water.

“Are you dressed?” He asked.

“Not yet” You told him, pushing your arms through your spare sweatshirt, “I’m… really upset”

“Why?” He asked, surprise in his tone.

“The hot drink…it was supposed to make you feel better” You frowned. “Now I don’t have anything to give you”

“That’s okay” He laughed, “I already feel better”

“Your head doesn’t hurt anymore?” You asked, looking over at him.

“No, it does hurt but some sleep will make me feel better” He laughed, “Are you dressed now?”

You glanced at him, a soft smile overtaking you, “No”

Hyunjin nodded, a small ‘Okay’ leaving his lips.

You laughed, pushing your sweatshirt down to cover up, “Why are you so impatient? But yeah, I am dressed now”

He immediately turned around at those words, and pulled you in for a hug, like he’d been counting down the seconds till you could be in his arms. You stumbled into his embrace, surprised at his urgency.

“Thank you for coming to see me, Y/N” He mumbled, face buried in your hair, and you brought your hands up, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“You don’t have to thank me” You smiled, dying but living for the warmth of his body.

He squeezed you in his embrace, “I do”

It was a simple hug. It felt so innocent, so tame, so mild compared to last night, yet the carnal desire you felt for him was just the same, if not more now.

How could Hyunjin be more desirable when he wasn’t even trying to be?

All he was doing was hugging you in his little bathroom, surrounded by potted plants, and fragrances, and candles, and they were all so him.

Pulling away, you looked up, noticing the puffiness of his eyes, “You look so tired”

“I had a stressful night…after you told me you couldn’t come” He explained, “I ended up calling Chan, and we talked up until five”

“Five am? So…you haven’t slept at all?” 

He nodded, a forced smile as he shrugged, “Guilty”

“Hyun…” You frowned, “You need to get some sleep, now”

He sighed, “Now? I’ll end up sleeping through the day if I do, and I…don’t want to waste any time”

“Waste?” You questioned, “It’s not waste. You’re…just sleeping”

“Yeah” He swallowed, “But…”

“But?” 

“But you won’t be here” He finished, “And I would much rather…spend time with you. I know you have work today, I was thinking I could come in to the shop. I promise I won’t distract you, I could sit and read. You won’t even know I’m there. Or I could paint”

You couldn’t help but smile, heart swelling at his eagerness, “If you’re there…I won’t be focusing on my work, Hyun”

He shook his head, as if he’d already prepared the answer, “Then I can sit in the back room. You won’t know I’m there”

You giggled, “Then what’s the point?”

He tilt his head, “The point is… that I’ll be close to you”

Your smile grew, and you tightened your grip on his waist, “You…changed your hair”

His eyes widened, “Yeah. I did. Took you long enough to notice”

“I noticed it the second I saw you. I just-”

“You didn’t say anything” He interrupted.

Your gaze followed the light-brown tendrils as they grazed his jaw, “I don’t even know what to say” 

“You hate it?” His smile fell.

You shook your head instantly, “No. It’s…It… reminds me of chocolate”

His lip tilted up, “Good enough to eat?”

You laughed, letting go of his waist, “I take the flirting as a sign that you’re feeling better”

“Mmh”

“You still need to get in bed”

“Are you gonna show me how much you like it in bed?” He asked, and you laughed.

“Shut up” You pushed him, lightly, “It’s unlike you to ask for validation”

“It’s unlike you to be so flippant to me” He pouted, walking back into his room. 

It was hot inside so he pulled off his sweatshirt, revealing the tight black t-shirt he wore inside. The neckline dipped low enough to reveal his collarbones, and it was different from the more oversized shirts he usually wore. He stretched his arms, a small yawn escaping.

“I…have to get to work” You realised, “I’m gonna make you some coffee first though, is that okay?”

He glanced at you, in surprise, “You don’t have to”

“Caffeine will help with the pain”

He shook his head, “I promise I’ll take a nap after you leave”

“Okay” You nodded, grabbing your bag, “I’ll…get going then”

You passed him to leave, but he reached out, tugging at your tote bag to stop you.

You looked at him, “What, Hyun?”

“Aera’s doesn’t open until another forty two minutes, and it’ll only take you eight to get there” He hummed matter-of-factly, with the convincing powers and puppy-eyed gaze of a kid who wanted to go to Disney.

“What’s gotten into you?” You laughed, but let him take your bag, indulging him in his little request. He was right, after all. 

You had to make the most of your time with him, even if it were stolen little moments like this.

You leaned against the bedroom door, eyeing him up, as he put your bag to the side, and he clearly didn’t plan on letting you leave anytime soon.

He bent down to gather the stray paintbrushes on the floor, “I just felt like spending some time with you. Is that so wrong?”

You smiled, looking around the room, “Why is all your shit everywhere?”

He glanced up at you, “I paint when I’m stressed”

“Oh” You recalled, “You were painting last night when you called me”

“I was” He hummed, “When do you get off work?”

“Couple of hours”

“You don’t work Saturdays, usually”

“You have my schedule memorised?” You raised your eyebrow, wanting to tease.

“It’s not that hard” He rolled his eyes, “You work alternate days”

“Right”

He kneeled onto the floor, pulling out a wooden basket from underneath his bed, placing paint tubes inside it. 

You weren’t sure what to do as he started packing his art supplies. 

He wasn’t even saying much, as you stood leaning against the door, observing him, recognising the tune he hummed to himself.

He bent over, and whenever he did his shirt would fall forward, allowing you a glimpse of his chest.

Every time you met, you pushed another boundary, crossed another threshold, and after he talked about fucking you last night, you obviously weren’t just friends anymore.

The energy felt...so different, but it was never uncomfortable.

3 a.m. Hyunjin was a stark contrast from 7 a.m. Hyunjin, and...you loved both.

It felt so strangely calm, so domestic, so heartwarming.

It was seven am on a regular Saturday morning, and you were in Hyunjin’s bedroom, as he cleaned up.

A pink tube then slipped from his hands, rolling under the bed, and he cursed, “Shit”

“Let me” You offered, kneeling to join him on the floor.  You stretched to reach for the watercolour tube, and underneath his bed were discarded hairbands, pencils, and a bag of treats for Kkami. Cute.

After retrieving it, Hyunjin smiled at you, whispering a ‘Thank you’ as he placed it inside the original packing.

“One day you should really let me organise your art supplies”

He tilt his head, “Can that day be today?”

You laughed, “I told you. I have to go to work”

He shrugged, “Skip it”

“Oh, will you start paying my bills when I eventually get fired from Aera’s for slacking?”

“Yeah I will” He said, without hesitation.

Your eyebrows shot up, “Shut up, Hyun”

“Shut up?” He gasped, “Can’t believe you’re being so mean to a sick boy”

“Oh” You realised, reaching forward to cup his cheek, “It still hurts a lot?”

He smiled, leaning into your touch, “Less when you’re here”

You dropped your hand, heart clenching, “I wish I could stay then”

“But you don’t work Saturdays, so why today?”

“Mina wanted me to help with the stock…we have some new supplies coming in, and just needed to get my mind off something 

“Something like what?”

“You don’t have to worry about it, Hyun”

“Maybe I could get your mind off it”

You crossed your arms, “What if you’re the thing I need to get my mind off?”

He frowned, “Did I do something wrong?”

You laughed, “No, don’t worry about that”

He closed the wooden lid, gripping the box, “Last night…You said Yeonjun wasn’t feeling all right. Is he okay now?”

“It’ll take time. He’s just having a hard time, with Hana”

“Oh”

You shrugged, “Love sucks, I guess”

He laughed, “You got that right”

You sat back on your ankles, looking around the room, “What was the book you were reading?”

“Oh. I left it out in the garden. Could you get it for me?

"Yeah, once you tell me what it’s about”

Hyunjin smiled, pushing the box back under his bed, “It’s about fate”

You slid open the doors to the back garden, cold morning air rushing in. Plants of all kinds grew alongside the wooden fence. You wonder if it was him, or his aunt who had planted them. 

Picking up the book, you saw the page it was open to had been creased. 

Hyunjin had marked some pages, left little notes, annotating it, and he must have read through it countless times, so you asked him about it when you came back, “So why are you reading a book about fate this early in the day?”

Hyunjin was still sat on the floor, except his head was buried in his hands, “Fuck. I really shouldn’t have stayed up”

You immediately abandoned the book, stepping up to him, “Hyun. What’s wrong?” 

He mumbled, ‘I’m okay’, running a hand through his hair, but he clearly wasn’t okay.

“Come on, let me get you into bed” You gripped his arms so you could pull him up, but he stayed where he was.

“I’m fine” He answered, through gritted teeth.

You tilt his chin up, so he’d look at you. His eyes were tired, puffy and red, and he looked terribly sleep-deprived.

“Why do you not want to sleep?”

His voice turned soft, “Because then you’ll leave”

“Hyun…” Your heart melted, “I’ll be back in a few hours, you’ll barely notice that I was gone”

He pouted, “I'll notice”

You smiled, tilting his chin up to look at you, “Why are you trying to be cute?”

“Trying?” He acted offended.

“Fine” You rolled your eyes, “Why are you being cute? You know I don’t actually want to go, but...unfortunately we live in a capitalist society and I need to pay the bills”

“I fucking hate capitalism”

You laughed, “Come on. What’s wrong?”

“I just...like being around you” He shrugged, “And now that...you won’t be moving for the program in the city, I don't know when I’m gonna see you again. I was really looking forward to meeting you in Seoul”

“I know, me too, but you'll see me every day for the rest of this month. Isn’t that enough?”

It was ironic that you were saying that, because it obviously wasn’t enough even to you.

Something flashed through his eyes, an emotion you couldn’t recognise and he mumbled, “I guess”

“Hyun, we have time to deal with that later, but can I bring you some Aspirin now?”

“I’m just so fucking tired of this shit” He mumbled.

“What shit?”

He glanced at you, “If I tell you…you’ll be stressed too”

Your eyebrows knit together, confused at what he was talking about now, “Please tell me, Hyun”

He sighed, running another hand through his hair, “Okay. It’s just…it might upset you, and you’re going to be thinking about it all day at work. I know it”

“I don’t care, I want to understand why you’re feeling this way”

His eyes were heavy with emotion, “Are you sure, Y/N?”

It scared you, what he wasn’t telling you, but you had to know.

“You’ve been upset about this, for weeks, Hyunjin. I…maybe I can help, or make you feel better somehow”

He shook his head, a chuckle escaping, “You can’t make me feel better about this”

Ouch.

“Oh. Okay”

He looked up at you, “Shit. That’s not how I meant it. I mean…nobody can do anything, it’s a fucked up situation”

“I’ll try my best to understand it then”

He sighed, leaning back, fiddling with the string on his sweatpants, “It’s…about Jisung. I had to leave Yeonjun’s place early yesterday, because…there’s been some stuff going on with Jisung, and it’s just so frustrating”

“What’s going on?” You asked, hoping you didn’t overstep with your questions.

He looked up at you, “Under my company, we have this…sort of contract, a contract that’s responsible for our health. Mentally and physically. They ensure we’re okay, because it can get stressful and tiring, for our bodies…do you get it?”

“Yeah. That’s a good thing, right?”

He nodded, “It’s supposed to be, yes. It is a good thing. If it weren’t for that, I probably wouldn’t be eating well, or getting enough sleep”

“What do you mean?”

He swallowed, “I mean…sometimes the company wants us to be in a certain…shape for an album, or a photoshoot. The pressure of that can be a lot, but this…this contract, it basically makes sure that they don’t push us too hard”

“Right”

He added, “It’s because of that contract that I was able to come back home, because they recognised that I needed some space. Most people in my line of work…they don’t get that freedom or liberty”

“The freedom…to go home?”

Hyunjin laughed, sore, “Yeah. I know how it sounds. It’s really rare for someone to go on a voluntary hiatus…like I did. They never allow it”

“Oh”

“And part of that contract is…we have these weekly appointments with a ….therapist, I guess you could say? I’m not sure what her specialisation really is, but she…talks to us and checks in with us every few weeks, to make sure we’re doing okay, and if we’re stressed about anything.

She works with the company, so it’s nice to have someone to depend on, and someone to just…rant to at the end of a really horrible month, you know?”

Even though he was telling you something nice, you could tell what he was leading up to wouldn’t be because his shoulders were tense and his voice was harsh. 

He was stressed even just talking about it, and you suddenly regret asking him to explain it to you.

You nodded, wanting to comfort him, hands itching to touch him somehow, but you kept your distance, “That’s…really nice, Hyun”

He nodded, “It is. Well…Jisung has been going to her much more often, ever since an article came out about him last month. The one you read. He was getting a lot of…negative public attention for the fight he was a part of, so he’s been seeing Mrs. Yoona far more often than the rest of us”

You nodded, unsure of what this was getting at.

“Mrs. Yoona…that’s the name of the woman we see. We talk to her every month” He clarified, and you were grateful he took his time to make sure you understood everything.

“Okay”

“Yeah…and…last week” Hyunjin sucked in a sharp breath, “I don’t know how it fucking happened, but someone got access to her files…which are supposed to be confidential”

Your breath caught in your throat, “What?”

“They…released everything about Jisung, everything he’s ever said in his… sessions, all of the things he’s anxious about, the things he hates about the job, stuff about his family, about his ex-girlfriend”

Your heart plummeted, a terrible feeling clawing at you, “They released it…publicly?” 

Hyunjin nodded, voice getting angrier, “I don’t know who the fuck it was. Probably someone from inside the company, but it doesn’t matter now, the files are out now, for every person in the fucking world to see, and it’s so unfair, because that shit’s supposed to be private. It’s his life, and…it’s not fair everyone gets to see it, and somehow use it against him”

His voice broke, and you immediately reached out to him, hand grabbing his, so he would know you were here, “I…I’m so sorry Hyun, that’s horrible” 

He nodded, looking up at you, “Yeah. It is”

“I’m sorry” You repeated, unsure what else you could say, but you felt sick. It was the worst kind of invasion of privacy, and you felt so angry.

Why the fuck would someone do that?

You couldn’t even imagine how Hyunjin felt.

“Yeah. Me too” He spoke, “I’m just on edge because of this”

“Do they…have your files too?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound insensitive for asking about him, when something horrible had already happened with Jisung.

Hyunjin glanced at you, eyes widening, and he pulled you closer, “Y/N…please don’t worry about me”

“But-”

He cut you off though, “It doesn’t matter if they have it or not, or whatever they decide to do with it. That’s for me to think about. I can’t have you stressing about it”

“But…that’s impossible”

His expression softened, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you”

“Hyun…” You squeezed his hand, “I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish…”

“It’s okay” He cut you off again, “I’ve been dealing with it half my life, it’s honestly not the worst thing that’s happened, which sounds so fucking cruel to say. Mostly, I’m just sad about Jisung, but he’s holding up okay for now”

Your phone suddenly buzzed, because Mina was calling you.

“I’m gonna tell her I’m gonna be late” You pulled your phone out of your denims to text her.

Hyunjin watched you do so, “You don’t have to, please”

 “Yes, I do” 

“Y/N” He reached up to stop you, “Forget what I said before. I don’t want you to miss work because of me”

“Hyun…this is more important” You told him, but your heart was pounding, “You should lie down now, you haven’t slept all night. I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”

He nodded, moving over to his bed.

You walked over to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for him, trying not to fucking panic about what he’d just told you.

You had to breathe.

Hyunjin needed you, and it would help no one if you also began freaking the fuck out. 

How could people do something like that?

You needed to be stronger than this, because you wanted to cry just thinking about how Jisung felt. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, to calm yourself, and then finished filling up the glass for him. 

There was stuff all over the kitchen counter, different kinds of Daejon-special snacks, sour candy, instant ramyeon packed into little ziplock bags. 

Was he going on a trip or something?

As you went back to the room, Kkami was on top of Hyunjin, sitting on his chest, as Hyunjin stroked his chin, fondly. He was lying down, hair spread out on his pillow, and he glanced at you.

“I think this is the first time he’s paying so much attention to me” He told you, smiling as he scratched Kkami.

“Maybe he knows you’re sick” You hummed, placing the glass of water on the bedside table, “Are you going somewhere? Your kitchen counter...is messy”

He shook his head, eyes wide, “Um, no. I was just cleaning... earlier”

That seemed like a blatant lie, but maybe he was planning a surprise, so you didn’t push. He probably needed any break he could get. He settled further into his blanket, staring at you, “So now you know why I had to leave, when we were at the pool”

Everything made more sense now.

That’s why he had left in a hurry, and skipped the dinner party at Yeonjun’s.

He must have heard about the scandal in that moment, and the thought of finding out something like that about your friend also made you want to cry.

You bent down to grab your bag, wondering why those people wouldn’t just leave him, and his friends alone.

“Are you all right?” He asked, at your silence.

“I’m just mad…at whoever did that to Jisung”

Hyunjin reached out, grazing your arm with his fingers, “Me too, but…that anger isn’t yours to have”

“Of course it is!” You spoke, eyebrows shooting up, “I care about you and I care-”

Hyunjin sat up, interrupting you, “Hey, hey. I know”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “You don’t deserve this. None of you do. I just..I don’t understand how this shit keeps happening and people actually get away with it? Why do they care so much about your lives-”

“Y/N…” He spoke, “Can you look at me?”

You reluctantly opened your eyes, and he leaned in closer, “I know you’re upset, but can you just…please promise me you won’t worry about this?”

“I can’t…” You blurted, “You know me, Hyun. I can’t promise you that”

Hyunjin shook his head, “Can you try? If you’re going to be around me… there will be a lot of this stuff happening. You can’t let it get to you”

You swallowed, knowing this conversation was futile right now, “Yeah. I’ll try my best. You could have told me about this last night, Hyun. I could have been there for you”

“I know. I was going to, but...I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good night” He smiled, clearly trying to cheer you up, and last night’s intense conversation felt like a fever dream compared to now.

You swallowed, “But still-”

“When you come back. I’m gonna make you feel much better, okay?” 

You smiled at the new comfort between you, “I’ll see you in a few hours”

He laid back down, head resting on the pillow, “It’s cute. You…trying to take care of me”

You rolled your eyes, “Well, forgive me for caring about you, Hyunjin”

He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, “I will be okay”

You stared at him, and he stared up at you, sleepily, eyes barely open.

You should be the one making him feel better.

Your impulse won, and you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his forehead.

He murmured, “When you’re done at work, you can let yourself back in. The key is next to the window, under the daisy”

“The key?”

“To my place”

Your heart stirred, “Hyun-”

He curled up into his duvet, eyes drifting shut, “I’ll see you soon, Y/N”

You closed the door to his bedroom, peeking at him one last time as he buried a hand under his pillow. Hopefully he would fall into a deep, restful, stressless slumber.

The walk to Aera’s wasn’t long from his place, but you took your time, savouring every moment that warmed your heart, but your gut twisted with the new knowledge you had gained.

You had many more questions about the Jisung thing, but it wasn’t the right time to ask. 

How could Hyunjin be so kind, despite the horrible things happening in his life? You would think that such hate would turn people cruel.

And despite all that fucking stress, he still called you last night. He stayed up with you, trying to make you feel good, even though your problems were nothing compared to his.

Aera’s came into view, and you could see Mina inside, idling away on the cash counter, probably playing a game on her phone. 

In front of her lay a large bouquet of flowers, and your curiosity peaked. 

Who sent Mina flowers?

As far as you knew, she wasn’t in a relationship, and her latest hookup had ended badly, yet a beautiful arrangement of daffodils was sent to her.

Your gut twisted, in part envy and some inspiration.

Maybe after you left work, you could bring some flowers for Hyunjin.

It would barely do anything to cheer him up, but it was still a nice gesture that you know he would appreciate.

You hope he felt much better when he woke, less in pain, more at peace.

You stopped in your tracks, just outside the steps.

You’d forgotten to give him the medicine.

What if he woke up, and was looking for it? What if his head hurt again?

You were so stupid for forgetting it. It was one of the reasons you’d gone over to his place in the first place.

Aera’s was right here and you were late, but it would only take you ten minutes to get to his place and back. You needed to make sure he was okay.

For a minute you stared at the little art shop, but then you thought of the frown lines in his forehead and the sadness in his eyes and your heart eventually won the argument. 

»»————-

The key was next to the Daisy ornament, as he had promised.

It felt invasive, to enter his home, and when you pushed open the door to his room, Hyunjin was deep asleep.

He was on his side, face pressed into the pillow, covers pulled up to his chest. 

Kkami wasn’t in sight, so you walked over to his bedside table, placing the pills, a bottle of water, and a candy bar.

Just in case he was hungry.

He sure seemed at peace, eyelids shifting slightly. He was dreaming.

What kind of things did Hyunjin dream of?

You hope all the terrible shit in his life didn’t invade his subconscious, and you wish you could stay here.

You gripped the spare key, reaching for the doorknob, but his voice startled you.

“Y/N...?”

Fuck. 

You hadn’t been quiet enough, and now you’d stupidly woken him up.

“Yeah?” You turned around, and he was clearly awake and you didn’t imagine hearing him say your name. He shifted around in his blanket, to face you.

“You’re back…” He mumbled, a sleepy smile, voice hoarse, “How was work?”

Your eyebrows shot up.

You hadn’t even gone to work yet, and it had only been fifteen minutes since you left but…it seemed like he’d lost all sense of time, and clearly been dreaming away.

You stood still, staring at his body under the covers, as he looked at you, waiting for a response.

“Hyunjin, I…”

“Was it not a good day?” He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, a frown on his lips, and the kind of person he was, of course his first question was to worry about you, about your day, which hadn’t even happened yet.

In the early morning sunlight, snuggled up in his blanket, brown hair tousled from sleep, Hyunjin looked absolutely perfect.

His hair fell into his face and eyes, and his bangs were cut completely wrong, but god, you wish you could have explained to him how much you absolutely cherished his new hair.

It brought a sense of familiarity, and of warmth, liquid fire running through your veins.

Like the first sip of coffee on a long day. 

Like the sunset on Jeju Island. 

Like a book character crafted just for you. Like an angel that fell to Earth.

You could stare at him forever.

He opened his eyes half-way through, confused why you weren’t answering, “Y/N?”

You had a choice.

You could go back to Aera’s and help Mina with the stock, yet be consumed by thoughts of Hyunjin all day.

Or —

“No, work was…great” You smiled, giving in.

Giving in to the only thing you could ever want.

Him.

“I’m so glad” Dimples appeared in his cheeks, as he smiled, “I hope Mina didn’t overwork you”

You walked over to him, voice soft to not disrupt his sleepy subconscious, “She didn’t”

“Are you tired?”

“Yeah”

His lips curled into a frown, rubbing his eyes again, “Oh. So…you have to go home?”

Another choice.

It was time to stop resisting.

“No. I don’t have to go”

But it would always be him.

“Is it all right if I stay here with you, Hyun?” 

The smile grew on his face, reaching all the way to his puffy eyes, and he instantly shifted, to make way for you, “Of course”

You don’t know what you were thinking, or if you even were thinking. You slipped off your sneakers, pushing them under the bed, next to the discarded items Hyunjin had long forgotten about. 

Your hesitation disappeared, and it ceased to exist, so you climbed into Hyunjin’s bed.

The bed was small, not nearly big enough for the two of you, but it didn’t matter because you squeezed yourself next to him. Hyunjin pressed himself up against the wall, making way for your body, and to share his pillow with you.

There were no words spoken, like it was habit - routine that you just slipped in next to him, like you weren't friends who could never be lovers, like this was what your everyday looked like, like this was all normal.

It was your first time climbing into his bed, but it felt like the most natural thing to do, like it was your fate, no matter how mundane it was.

The only sound was the ruffling of sheets, as he pulled the blanket over your body to cover you up. 

The bed was so little - all of your limbs touched his, and your noses were inches apart, sharing the same breath on his baby blue pillow.

“Are you comfortable?” He voiced.

“Mmh” You reached over, hand tracing his cheek, “You?”

“I’m perfect” He smiled, a yawn overtaking him soon after, “Although I’m still soo tired…it’s like I barely got any sleep”

You laughed, knowing he voiced the truth, “Go back to sleep, Hyun”

He nodded, “And…what about you?”

You slid your hand under the pillow, staring at him, “I will too"

Hyunjin’s hand moved under the blanket, reaching over to your waist. He pulled you closer, his chest pressing against yours, and your fond heart melted.

“You deserve to rest. You work too hard” He mumbled.

The guilt of skipping work crept over you, but…you needed to be selfish today, and you’d never felt this kind of calm before.

It was just one day you missed.

He was forever.

The way his legs fit between yours, and his hand on your body, was forever.

He tilt his head, voice coming out whiny in his reverie, “What are you thinking?”

“Just…about you”

“What about me?” He whispered.

You pushed back the uneven hair from his eyes, and his forehead, words slow because sleep was crawling over the two of you like a wave in the ocean, “I wish I could make everything easier for you”

A dimple appeared in his cheek, “You already do”

You smiled at his words, eyes drifting shut, but you had to ask,“Your head…does it still hurt?”

Hyunjin didn’t answer, and you thought he must already fallen asleep, but when you opened your eyes, he was looking right at you.

Eyes half-lidded, he was staring at you, “You’re so beautiful…”

Heart squeezed in your chest, an unsafe amount of emotions overwhelming you, and you mumbled, “Hyun…”

There was so much to say, but you couldn’t even comprehend your feelings in the moment. His body was so warm, safe, familiar, and it belonged there, and nothing could convince you otherwise. His eyes were so puffy and they kept drifting shut, and then just like that…he was asleep.

You stared at him as he fell asleep, at a loss for words. You thought you were getting used to the way you felt around Hyunjin, but truthfully you could perhaps never get used to it.

You’d never felt this way before.

You’d do anything for him.

You would do whatever he wanted in the world, and go wherever he wanted you to, and the thought was so scary that you almost cried.

It was good that he fell asleep, because the next words at the tip of your tongue were far too dangerous to be said at a time like this.

You would have told him you loved him. 

You were sure of it.

You loved him more than it was possible for humans to love each other, more than it was possible for you to love a boy you met just this summer, more than you should love someone you could never be with.

Just one second longer, and you would have blurted it out, because it was too strong an emotion to hold back anymore.

It’s a good thing he fell asleep when he did, and it was a good thing you didn’t say it.

If you told him how you truly felt about him, he would leave you.

You were sure of that, too.

»»————-

You woke slowly, and then all at once, eyes blinking awake, a steady heartbeat pulsing under your ear.

It took you a few seconds, to gather your bearings and to pull yourself out of this slumber, trying to make sense of where you were.

You’d been dreaming of stars…and you opened your eyes to the sun.

The blinds were pulled shut, subdued sunlight hitting the room.

Your fingers were clutching onto fabric, a t-shirt, and you were on top of Hyunjin.

Somehow, you’d moved in your sleep, your head pressed into his chest, which would explain why the first thing you heard was the sound of his heart.

Hyunjin’s chest rose, and fell, soft, calm. 

His face was pressed into your hair, and you wonder how he could even breathe, pushed up so close to you. His fingers dug into your sweatshirt, arm still wrapped around your waist.

What time was it?

There was no clock in his room, and you shifted, to reach for your tote bag. It lay by the side of the bed, your phone half-way out. You stretched your arm, but it was still out of reach. 

You didn’t want to wake him up, so you settled for not knowing what time it was, and perhaps you could exist in this moment forever, and never have it be stolen from you.

“It’s…just past ten” He breathed, and you shifted, to look at him. Your arm drifted, grazing his stomach, and it wasn’t until your fingers touched his bellybutton piercing that you realised his shirt had ridden entirely up, revealing bare skin.

“You’re awake” You stated, pulling yourself out of sleep, but everything was still hazy and blurry.

His eyes drifted open completely, “Mmh. I am”

He’d been awake a while, it seemed.

The reality of the situation set in.

You flushed, pulling your hand off his abdomen, even though you’d been enjoying the taut muscles of his stomach.

“Sorry…” You mumbled, “How long have you been up?”

Despite being wide awake, Hyunjin didn’t stop holding you.

“An hour…”

“An hour?!” Your eyes widened, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

He smiled, “Because you needed the rest”

“But…” You felt conscious, “Fuck, sorry, I was basically pinning you down, and you must have wanted to get up, to feed Kkami”

“Don’t worry, I already fed him” He laughed, chest moving with every chuckle.

You frowned, “You…did? How?”

“How?” He repeated your question.

“How did you…feed him?”

He laughed again, confused, “I got up and put food in his bowl”

The realisation sank in.

Hyunjin got up, fed Kkami, and then he—

“You came back to bed after that?”

He smiled, “I wasn’t going to leave you alone, you looked so comfortable”

Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at him.

You had been asleep, and he did all that without waking you. 

He…climbed out of the blanket, the bed, and then back in, snuggling up to you, holding you even tighter than before, without ever managing to wake you up.

A bashful smile tugged at your lips at the mental image, “I see”

“Mmh” He tilt his head, “Did you sleep well?”

“I did”

“Even after you lied to me?”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What?”

“You told me that you had a good day at work”

“Oh…”

“You didn’t have to skip work for me, Y/N. I was only kidding before”

You sat up, trying to fix your hair which must have been a mess after that unplanned nap, “I wanted to stay”

Hyunjin got up too, crossing his legs over the duvet, “Mina won’t be mad at you, right?”

You shook your head, rubbing the tiredness out of your eyes, “I can just take the afternoon shift”

He ran a hand through his sleep hair, pushing it back. You got lost in the way he did, brown curls falling across his jaw.

“When did you even get the time to dye it?”

A hoarse laugh escaped him, voice still groggy from sleep, “Late last night or early this morning…however you see it, after I finished taking to Chan”

“That’s why you got no sleep”

“Yup”

“Can I ask why you did it, Hyun?”

“I guess I just…needed a change. With everything that’s been happening” He looked down at his dye-stained hands, “I wanted to feel more like myself”

“And this…” You ran your hands through his hair, “…makes you feel more like yourself?”

He chuckled, “It’s silly, isn’t it?”

“No, not really”

 He nodded, “I guess I needed to remind myself of why I’m doing all of this. The last time I had my hair like this…I was still just a kid, before I had this kind of life”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” He laughed, breathy, “I remember, at that time… I dreamed of debuting and making it big, and I was so…focused. It was like I had tunnel vision. I never thought this far ahead or about the stuff that comes after you become famous. I guess I was naive. But now when I look at myself in the mirror, it’ll be like looking at the seventeen year old version of me, and maybe I can dream his dreams again”

You smiled, running your hand across his jaw, “You’ve come so far, Hyun. I’m…really really proud of you”

His eyes crinkled as he looked at you, “You are?”

“Of course” You shifted onto your knees, to caress his cheek better, “I think you’re one of the strongest people I know”

Hyunjin’s hands landed on your thigh, and he laughed bitterly, “Thank you…but if I was actually strong, I wouldn’t have had to come back to town, or go through all of this shit”

Your heart clenched, and you nodded, “Right…”

If he was strong, he wouldn’t be here.

Maybe you were happy that he wasn’t strong.

A wave of guilt washed over you, so you turned away. 

You’d overstayed your welcome, and…Mina would be waiting for you.

Hyunjin’s hand on your wrist stopped you, “Wait. That’s not what I mean, Y/N”

“You don’t have to explain, Hyun” You spoke, putting your feet on the ground, hoping the cold floor would wake you up, but the floor was warm, warm like the bed, like his embrace.

Hyunjin stopped you from getting up. 

His grip on your arm pulled you back, closer to where he sat on the bed.

He explained himself, “No, I mean…I don’t regret it, at all. I just wish it was under better circumstances, you know? Coming back home…”

You wish it was under a better situation too.

You turned to look at him, “Yeah…but what did you really get out of coming back? A…drama-filled summer, a splitting headache, and…a really messy haircut”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “You think it’s messy?”

The tension was forgotten in seconds, and you couldn’t help but laugh, “Your bangs are…like completely messed up. I take it that this was your first time trimming it yourself, without a team full of stylists to help you”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me before” He narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean they’re messed up?” 

“They’re really uneven. It’s cute…but maybe you shouldn’t go out with this hair” you said, watching how the strands fell to his eyebrows.

“So, let me get this right. While I was baring my soul to you about my dreams, you were thinking about my hair?”

A giggle escaped you, “Maybe you can fix it”

His eyes widened, “You…you know how?”

“No…but…I can try”

“Okay, follow me” He got out of bed, gesturing for you to follow him, and you didn’t think he meant right now. 

He stepped into his bathroom, clearing the counter, and you noticed how tight his sweatpants suddenly seemed, stretching at the crotch.

You kept your distance, watching as he placed a box of tissues, and toothbrush holder to the side, trying not to focus on that. It was distracting.

You knew how anatomy worked, and you knew he couldn’t control that he woke up with morning wood, but it still made your brain fuzzy, like a stupid girl in love.

“Okay” He looked up you, and your gaze flickered back up to his face because there was no way you’d be caught staring at his fucking crotch.

“I’ve never done this before, so if I mess up…you can’t be mad at me” You spoke, as he hopped onto the marble counter, legs dangling off. He looked cute, staring up at you.

You don’t even know how you got here, from bringing him coffee this morning to napping in his bed, and to now attempting to cut his hair.

He ran a hand through his hair, “You just need to trim the ends, make it even, right?”

“Yeah” You stepped up to him. 

His shoulders relaxed, as he leaned back on the counter, “You’ll be fine. It’s not that hard”

You reached up to brush back his hair, “I mean, I think you did a pretty good job already. How long do you want them?”

“Just so they don’t fall into my eyes…” He told you, craning to look at himself in the mirror behind.

“Do you have a towel?” You asked.

His eyebrow shot up, a teasing smirk on his face, “A professional, are we?”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s just so it’s easier to clean, Hyun”

He smiled, pointing back to his room, “There should be a new one in my closet, on the upper shelf”

His wardrobe was surprisingly organised as you sifted through it, trying to find the towel. 

Your gaze landed on a ribbed burgundy t-shirt; you’d never seen him in it before. A silver zipper ran till the chest. You couldn’t even imagine how good he’d look in this.

“Did you just get this?” You asked, walking back with it, along with a towel.

Hyunjin was reading the label on a candle he lit, and he looked up at you, “Yeah. I haven’t got a chance to wear it”

“Oh, okay”

His lips tugged up, “You want me to put it on for you?”

You flushed, putting it back, “No, I was just curious”

“I’ll wear it for you later” He laughed, knowing you far too well because you’d never have asked, but you needed to see him in it.

Placing the towel on his lap, over his taut sweatpants, you hoped it would also serve as stopping the very obvious distraction. He didn’t even seem embarrassed or affected by it though. 

He hummed, “Thank you”

You laughed, tossing the hair in your hands, “Thank me after I’m done, this may turn out to look like shit”

“It won’t” He assured you, and you grabbed your phone.

“What are you doing?” He asked, “Texting while I’m asking you to help me?”

“I’m not texting” You rolled your eyes, tilting the screen to show him.

He read off your screen, “Step by step: How to a man’s hair”

“I don’t wanna mess up” You explained.

He giggled, loud laughter filling the bathroom, “Oh my god. You’re referring to a Wikihow article? I am truly doomed”

“They’re helpful sometimes, asshole” You pout, “We need to get your hair wet”

He nodded, leaning onto the mirror behind him, as you ran your hands under the sink to get them wet.

“It’ll be easier if I get in the shower” He suggested, and you glanced at him.

There was a smirk on his face at the recommendation.

“I…don’t think that’s necessary” You stated, flushing under his stare.

“It’s not like I’m going to get naked, Y/N” He laughed, “Don’t worry about it”

You shook your head, running your hands through his bangs to get them wet, droplets falling into his eyes. His eyes fluttered shut, and the drops of water trailed down his neck.

“Your shirt will get wet though” You added quietly, trying not to fixate on the trail of water that had made parts of his shirt see-through.

He blinked, wet hair falling into his face, “We should probably take it off then”

“Yeah” You swallowed, paused in your movements.

Hyunjin laughed, “Oh come on, it’s not like you’ve never seen me shirtless. You seem embarrassed—”

You immediately tugged at his shirt, pushing it up his chest, perhaps to prove that you weren’t affected by this. His eyes widened, and he clearly hadn’t expected you to take the initiative, but he smiled to himself, lifting his arms up, so you could pull it off completely. 

Once you got it over his head, and arms, he was flushing red.

“I don’t know Hyun” You hummed, “You’re the one who seems embarrassed now”

“Stop” He laughed. 

You tried not to get distracted, but in the soft light of the bathroom, his muscles seemed even more pronounced, the twinkle in his bellybutton catching your eye more often than you’d want.

You took in a deep breath, holding a hairbrush up, “Here goes nothing”

“If you ruin my hair, you should know some stylists in Seoul are gonna be very unhappy”

You laughed, untangling all the knots, “So…no pressure then, right?”

He shrugged, “Mmh, none at all”

“And they’re not going to be unhappy with your dye-stained hands?” 

He held his palms up, staring at them, as you pulled his hair taut, “It’ll wash off soon enough”

“Close your eyes” You spoke, “I don’t want to hurt you”

He nodded, and you carefully trimmed the front ends, choppy pieces of his bangs falling onto the towel in his lap. You had to make sure it was even, as you measured it roughly, and you’d never been a hairdresser but all those years engaging in crafts surely came handy now.

“You’re quiet” He spoke.

“I don’t want to mess up”

Hyunjin’s hand suddenly found it’s way to your waist, and you stilled, scissors in hand, “Unless you want me to accidentally stab you in the eye…don’t do that…not without warning”

He glanced up at you, despite the precarious position, gulping, “Sorry”

Just as he was about to move his hand back, you stopped him, “I…I didn’t say you have to stop touching me”

Realisation passed over his face, and he nodded, gripping you tighter.

Now that he held you, you felt more anchored, confidence flowing. You focused on what was left of the task, trimming the rest of his bangs as he watched you. 

Any other moment, you would feel conscious, because you were the only thing he was looking at, but today you didn’t.

“Are you almost done?” He asked, voice soft.

“Almost” You promised, putting the pink scissors away, to look at him.

The light-brown bangs fell just above his eyebrows, growing longer at the side, tucked behind his ears. The rest of the hair brushed his bare collarbones, almost a mullet in the back, shorter in the front.

There was barely anything to even fix, and maybe you just needed a dumb reason to be so close to him again. He knew that too, yet he indulged you.

You let yourself stare at him, seconds stretching into minutes.

It was perfect.

“Is it… all right?” He asked.

His eyes were blown wide, and curious, teeth biting into his plush lower lip, with apprehension.

“It’s beautiful, Hyun” You admitted.

His smile grew, “Really?”

You nodded, putting away the towel on his lap, “If you went to my school, everyone would have had a crazy crush on you”

His eyebrows shot up, “That’s…random”

You bit your lip, “I’ve been thinking about that a lot”

“About…school?”

“No” You shook your head, “About how things used to be. Everything seemed simpler back then”

He nodded silently, as if understanding exactly what you meant. After all, he’d just been talking about a similar thing -- about how things were easier before he debuted.

“Did you…have school too?” You asked him.

He laughed, “Of course I did”

“In Seoul?”

He nodded.

“Why didn’t you just go to the one here…in Daejon? Isn’t this your home?”

He smiled, “I had to go to the academy every day to train, before and after my lessons. It would have been impossible to travel so much if I was in Daejon”

“So you never visited home? What about your aunt? This is her place, right?”

He nodded, “It is, I’m taking care of it for her while she’s away”

“And your parents?”

“They moved with me to the city…” He explained.

“Do you miss them...now that you’re here?”

His gaze softened, “Yeah, I do, but…even when I was there, I couldn’t meet them often. I would try to talk to my mum every day at first, but over time that became…really tough”

“Why?”

“I was just…insanely busy. Not that it’s an excuse, but I just let myself get carried by the work, by the... responsibilities and what was expected of me”

Your hands gripped onto his bare shoulders, “When you go back, you’ll be busy again”

“Yeah”

“When do you even make time for yourself, between…all of that?”

He shrugged, “I...don’t. That’s why I cherish moments like this the most”

“I see” 

He tilt his head, “Do you think we’d be friends…if I went to your school in Daejon, instead of in the city?”

“Probably not”

Hyunjin frowned, “Wow. You didn’t even have to think about that”

You smiled, apologetic, “No, I just mean…I’d probably be too intimidated to approach you, and…you’d definitely be dating the most popular girl in high school”

He rolled his eyes, “Stop. That would never happen”

“Right. I forgot you don’t date”

His eyebrows knit together and he tilt his head, “You know that’s not what I meant”

You absentmindedly fiddled with the string on his sweats, twirling it within your fingers, “Hmm”

“What kind of girl were you, in high school anyway?” He asked, lazily leaning back against the mirror, allowing you a more prominent view of his collarbones, and his bare chest.

“What do you mean?” You laughed, “I was…the same”

His eyes were full of amusement as he watched you speak, and you couldn’t comprehend how…easy this felt. How domestic. 

Hyunjin sat across you, shirtless and just in sweatpants, as you talked about the most mundane things at eleven in the morning.

Is this what it’d be like? 

If he let himself love you?

“Minho told me differently”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What did he say?”

Hyunjin laughed, eyes crinkling into crescents, “He just said you were different, that you were…much louder”

You tilt your head, “As all teenagers are”

“He also told me you failed Art once”

You gasped, “He did?”

Hyunjin giggled, “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“The professor…felt differently than me. I actually had a full-blown argument with him in class” You recalled, “Man. I don’t think I’d do that today. I kind of regret it”

He smiled, “I’d love to see that. I’ve never seen you…angry. If it makes you feel any better, I’d definitely fail that art class too”

You laughed, “Why?”

He leaned forward suddenly, closing the little distance between you, “Why do you think?”

You lost your train of thought, getting swept up in his gaze, “I don’t know…”

“I would be too distracted… staring at you” 

Your heart sank, at what could have been, “Yeah…”

He laughed, breathy, “I’m sorry. I…shouldn’t say stuff like that, right?”

Your chest felt heavy, eyes landing to the floor, or anything else, “Yeah. You shouldn’t”

“But you have to know” He cupped your cheek, tilting your chin to look at him.

“Know…what?”

He swallowed, “That…I wish everyday for things to be different, and sometimes I wish I was just a boy you met in high school, instead of…who I am right now”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” You frowned.

“It’s true. Things would be simpler if I was just…some Hyunjin, wouldn’t they? A nobody”

“No... Hyun, you can’t wish for that. You worked so much to be this. You are who you are, because that’s who you’re supposed to be”

“Supposed to?”

“Aren’t you the one who was reading all about stuff that fate earlier? Don’t you believe that you’re here right now in this part of your life, because you’re meant to be?”

He frowned, “Does that mean I’m…supposed to suffer too?”

“Suffer? That’s…a harsh word”

“You don’t agree?”

You nodded, “Things would be simpler, of course…but you told me that you don’t mind the bad stuff, because you love what you do”

“So you don’t wish for things to be different?”

You swallowed, admitting, “Obviously it would be easier if you were just Hyunjin, a boy from my art class, instead of…a world-famous member of a band"  

“You should stop thinking of me that way” He interrupted, pulling you closer between his legs.

“Even if I stop thinking of you like that, it doesn’t change the truth”

His eyes were soft as he spoke, “Maybe you can forget about it for a day”

“Forget who you are?” You laughed, “Before I knew that about you, it didn’t matter to me at all, but now...it affects every part of your life…it’s hard to just ignore what’s real”

What happened with Jisung just further solidified that for you. Hyunjin had run away from the fame, but it still found him, festering into his heart and mind. Miles away, he worried about it, defeating the sole purpose of him coming here.

His thumbs brushed under your shirt, “I know, but just for a day, don’t think about that”

“What should I think about then?”

“Think about how nice it’d be…if we were in another world, where I wasn’t me”

You frowned, “But who you are is... perfect. I don’t want that to change”

He closed his eyes, “I know you don’t…I’m sorry. I know it’s upsetting, but…I wish for a lot of stuff”

You leaned closer, brushing your thumb against his jaw, “What do you wish for?”

He leaned in, gaze piercing through your soul, “I wish for…a normal life. Wouldn’t I be happier then?”

Your heart stirred, “We all suffer, Hyun, even when we lead normal lives”

Hyunjin’s hand slipped around your neck, the space between your mouths almost negligible, “You want to know what true suffering really is, for me?”

“Yeah?”

“Being this close to you…and not getting to have you in the way I want”

Your voice trembled, “And…what way is that?”

“In every way that’s possible…I want you”

You moved in the same breath that he did, crushing his mouth to yours, before he could even finish speaking.

It didn’t matter who moved first. Your lips were on his, and he let out a satisfied groan, as you swallowed his words, his breath, his taste.

Your hands slipped into his freshly-cut hair, frantic as you kissed him, and he devoured you in open-mouthed kisses, and you could feel it all the way down to your toes, within the crevices of your heart, within the depths of your soul.

It was electrifying, the way he gave into you, like it was muscle memory at this point.

“Y/N-” A groan escaped his lips, between pecks. His hands slid around your waist. He pulled you flush to the counter until your hips met his, thighs closing around your body to trap you in his embrace.

A bottle of hand-soap knocked over onto the floor, as did the pair of scissors you’d held so delicately before, and earlier it was so tranquil but now it was so rushed.

He tilt his head, mouth crushed against yours, and it was already messy, saliva dripping down his chin, but you didn’t care.

Not after what he just said.

He tasted of lazy Saturday mornings, of books about fate, of home.

He tasted fucking perfect.

“Let me make you feel good” You whispered, “Please, please, please”

Despite the growing lust, he was still fucking polite, shaking his head, “No, let me-”

You pushed your tongue into his mouth to interrupt him, words slipping out in a rush, “You don’t have to suffer, not when it comes to me”

“I know” He whined fervently, in a heated daze. You were both burning up, and it was so hot inside this room, but he was the hottest boy that had ever existed. You wanted to do so much, but your time together wasn’t infinite, and the things you wanted to do to him were.

“Please let me do this” You mumbled, pecking his lips over and over.

“What are you going to do?” He whispered.

You fingers rest in his hair, and you pulled at the strands to tilt his head back with enough harshness to make him whine, allowing you access to his neck. 

Within seconds, you pressed a trail of kisses down his throat and jaw, nipping at his ear. 

“Fuck-” He moaned, as you bit onto his neck. Your other hand travelled up his body, fingers brushing against his chest, and his hips bucked up into nothing.

You should be more careful. You wanted to be delicate, but you couldn’t stop, and he couldn’t either, as he slowly rocked his hips against yours, to relieve the friction.

Hyunjin was restless, squirming, as you did so, and he suddenly whined, “Baby, don’t mark me”

You pulled back to look at him, “Why?”

His eyes were half-lidded but clearly he was still thinking straight, panting, “Someone… could see”

The disappointment must have been evident in your face because he immediately kissed you, whispering, “You can do anything else to me, I’m sorry”

You indulged him in the kiss, feeling his tongue in your mouth, as he explored you, grip strong on your jaw. His other hand pushed your sweatshirt up, and his lips were so fucking swollen, dripping with spit - yours and his.

It was messy, his hair was wet, and his hands were stained with dye as they travelled up your body, tracing each curve, under your sweatshirt. They brushed the wire of your bra, and he immediately paused, puling back to ask for permission.

Hyunjin had touched you before, but he’d always been so fucking respectful, never going into unfamiliar territory. Despite the heat of the moment, his eyes were shy, as he silently asked you if he could go further.

“You can…keep going” You nodded, pressing your lips to his again. 

It was all the approval that he needed, before his large hands squeezed your tits and you moaned, “Hyun-”

“Last night-” He began speaking, voice hoarse, “I wanted to touch you so fucking bad”

“Me too” You breathed, “You made me crazy…with what you said. I’m sorry I couldn’t come over”

“I’m sorry too” He apologised so sweetly, but he groped you so filthily, fingers pulling back the lace of your bra, ”I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel good, when that’s all I ever fucking want to do”

He made you clench, “Fuck, Hyun I promise when I came over this morning, I…I wasn’t expecting this”

He shook his head, kissing the corner of your mouth, “I know, I know, you were just being so fucking sweet, you’re always so sweet”

“I was— I was just so worried about you” You admitted, but every word was difficult when you couldn’t breathe. Every word was difficult when his tongue slipped into your mouth, and you gave up on speaking, to just taste and devour him.

“I know. You care about me far too much” He mumbled, pulling back to gaze at you.

“Does it still hurt you?” 

“If I say yes--”

“I’ll make it go away” You promised.

“How?” He breathed, chest heaving, wondering what you could possibly do to take away the pain.

Your hand landed on his lap, and he was clearly so turned on, and you gently squeezed him through his sweatpants.

A loud moan escaped him, back arching at the sudden sensation, “Oh my god…”

“Is it okay if I go on?” You asked, against his lips.

“Please, I might die if you stop”

You smiled at his words,“You’re hard”

“I know” He chuckled, eyes half-lidded.

“Is that because I kissed you?” You teased, pecking kisses down his jaw, as you palmed his cock through his sweats, “Or is it because I’m touching you?”

“It’s because you’re you” He groaned, head thrown back against the mirror.

Suddenly, a buzzing caught your attention, and your phone vibrated against the bathroom counter. Still, you didn’t stop touching him.

“Baby…” He moaned, his voice was hoarse, trying to find his way to a sentence, “Your…your work”

“Don’t think about that right now” You told him, kissing under his ear, sucking over the sensitive spot, “Just let me take care of you”

Your hands hovered over the string of his sweats, “Can I?”

He nodded, frantically, “I told you. Do whatever you want...to me. You don’t even have to ask”

“Okay” You undid the knot, loosening the waistband of his sweatpants, and Hyunjin held his breath, abs clenching tightly, as you slipped your hand inside, feeling him bare.

He let out a whimper, “Oh god”

Your fingers wrapped around his entire length, and you’d touched him before, the first time that you kissed him, but things were different now.

“Fuck” He grit his teeth, “If I don’t last long-”

“Don’t worry about that” You told him. It was stupid and silly how your brain short-circuited; all you could think of was how hard and big he was. 

“Wait-” He interrupted, and you looked up at him, wondering if he changed his mind. Instead of asking you to stop, he grabbed your hand. 

You watched, curious, as he lift it to his own mouth, his lips wrapping against your fingers, wetting them.

It dawned on you what he was doing, and maybe you were so far gone that you’d forgotten how to even do this, and you felt embarrassed, but Hyunjin didn’t let you feel embarrassed for too long. The sight of him with your fingers in his mouth was so absolutely insane that you had to remind yourself to stay still, and not pounce on him in that very moment.

He pulled them out, with a pop, spit trailing down his swollen lips, “It’s easier… this way”

You immediately slipped your hand back into his sweatpants, tugging at his cock. It was easier now with spit on your hands, and it was better as you gripped him tightly. He was so warm, leaking already, and you wanted to just feel him inside you.

It was only the morning, and maybe that’s why he was flushing red, squirming as you touched him in broad daylight, and he pressed his mouth to yours, too shy to look into your eyes.

Too shy, but far too turned on, as his cock twitched with every tug of your hand, hips bucking to feel more of you.

Your grip was steady, thumb brushing against his tip and you learnt that he loved that, because his whines got louder when you did, curse words escaping his lips. 

“Oh my god” He groaned, and his mouth fell open, eyes squeezing shut.

“Do you like that, Hyun?” You asked him, “You like being touched?”

“Fuck. You’re going to make me come so fucking fast” He mumbled, embarrassed, hands gripping the marble counter.

Your pace increased, squeezing him every other second, and it had been so long since you’d given a handjob that you would get tired but of course he was helping you out, rocking his hips into your hand to match your pace.

He was unable to keep still, knuckles turning white, sweat dripping down his chest, drenching his abs.

He was so sensitive, and it was tough because your hand was restrained by the elastic of his sweat, but he kept squirming, so you gripped his thigh with your other hand, “Stay still, Hyunnie”

“I can’t” He whimpered, a tear slipping out, “It feels so good”

You kissed the edge of his mouth, as his moans got louder and your pace increased, hand gliding up and down with ease. It would be easier if his sweatpants were off, but you’d lose it if you saw him like that.

A loud ringer threatened to pull your attention away.

“Someone…someone is calling you again” He breathed.

“They can wait” You cut him off with another kiss, and his hips bucked up into your hands, legs wrapping tight around you.

“Y/N-” He moaned, the veins in his neck strained as he held back. 

Your phone was ringing, but you didn’t care about it right now. You’d been interrupted countless times in the past, and today you would make him feel good, no matter what.

“Faster?” You asked.

“Yes, please” He pleaded.

You picked up the pace, squeezing his cock tightly and he bit down on his lip, harshly.

“I just wanna be buried inside you” He blurted, cheeks red, chest heaving, “I can’t imagine how good you’d feel”

“I’d let you do anything to me too, you know?”

“Really?”

“You can fuck me, anywhere… anytime that you want”

He swallowed, “Shit- I want that now”

You leaned closer, pressing your chest to his, “You want to fuck me?”

He bit his lip, “Y-Yes, but-”

He was so whiney, and it was so easy to tease him, “But you’re not supposed to. We’re not supposed to do this, right?”

“I don’t give a fuck about that. I need to be inside you. I dreamt about you, every night” He blurted, and you learnt that perhaps forbidden love was his turn-on.

“What do you dream about?”

“I dream about — Fuck. I dream about you, on top of me, and about - it’s so inappropriate”

“Tell me, please Hyun”

He nodded, wanting nothing more than to please, “I dream of tasting you, and I can’t imagine how sweet you’d taste, and I think about waking you up in the morning, and — ” 

He seemed like he was losing it, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, specks decorating his collarbones, and you were losing it too, at his words.

“Do you touch yourself to it? To those dreams?” You asked him, squeezing him again.

Tears brimmed at his eyes from the pleasure, and he shook his head, “I want to, but is that...is that okay with you?”

You smiled, kissing him, “Are you asking me if it’s okay?”

“Yeah” He breathed.

You pecked his cheek, and his ear, while stroking his cock, “You can think about me all you want when you touch yourself”

“Fuck” He groaned, “I’m so close. Please don’t stop, please”

“What do you need?” You whispered.

“Let me touch you” He begged, and you nodded, so his hands found their way to your body. 

He pulled you close, pushed your sweatshirt up, just enough to catch the lavender lace of your bra, in the early afternoon sun, “You’re so fucking hot”

You ran your fingers through the freshly-dyed hair, and when he felt your nails against his scalp, he moaned loudly, and you learnt that he loved having his hair pulled. 

You pulled at his hair, and his hips bucked, thrusting up into the air, head falling back, and with another tug inside his sweats, a loud moan escaped him.  

“Fuck—” He groaned, pink lips parting, eyes squeezed shut, cock twitching as he came in your hand, soaking you.

Small whines left his lips, and he rest his head against the mirror, and you continued touching him, and his legs trembled from the pleasure and the pain, until he was done.

It was only a regular Saturday morning but it was the most beautiful moment in your life.

You learnt that you could never feel as satisfied, as you did right now, revelling in his orgasm.

You stopped, in awe of him, until his breathing returned to normal. His hair was sticking to his face, and you pushed it back, and his chest was moving rapidly.

Hyunjin’s lips were bitten red and swollen, a sheen of sweet dripping down his abs, as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fuck” He muttered, opening his eyes to look at you, after he’d finally calmed down.

Slowly, you slipped your hands out of his sweats, and he noticed the mess he’d made, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. That’s-”

“Don’t say sorry” You told him, kissing his cheek.

“But I…let me clean it up” He felt embarrassed, post-coital haze taking over, and he reached for a tissue, wiping your hands with it.

You smiled at his tenderness.

He was red all over, as he wiped his release from your hands, “I’m sorry”

“Hyun” You interrupted him, “Relax”

His shoulders slacked, and he nodded, “Okay”

Like clockwork, your phone rang again.

Hyunjin’s gaze drifted to it, reading the caller ID, “Are they gonna be mad at you?”

“I don’t care” 

His eyes searched yours, and he nodded, and his cheeks were so red, and he was so endearing.

“How do you feel now?”

He let out a chuckle, pulling you closer, “What do you think?”

“I don’t know” You teased, nails grazing his abs. You were turned on beyond belief, the sight of Hyunjin like this enough to make you go insane, but it wasn’t about you right now, it was about him. 

When you got home, you’d think of him and this moment, and make yourself feel good.

You’d think of the moans, and the feeling of his cock in your hand, and you’d imagine it was him touching you.

“I promise this wasn’t my intention…when I asked you-”

“I know. You just wanted help with your hair” You interrupted him.

He laughed, “Yeah…and you helped me”

You tucked his hair behind his ear, still not used to his new look, “You look perfect, Hyun”

“I’m embarrassed” He admitted after a while, “I’m sorry if I was pushy or-”

“You weren’t” You assured him, only half-joking, “Now I know what I’m gonna be thinking about at work”

His eyes shot to yours, widening, “Y/N…”

You laughed, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I’m kidding”

“What about you?”

You laughed, “What about me?”

He smiled, coy, “Isn’t it my turn now?”

“Your turn to what?”

He leaned forward, voice dropping, “You’re…you’re not wet?”

You swallowed, because of fucking course you were, and then your phone rang again, for the fifth time in a row.

“I…I should get that” You stuttered, stepping away from him.

You don’t know why, but…you weren’t ready.

You weren’t ready for him to see you like that, even though every part of you wanted him. Maybe because you knew it couldn’t last. You feared that if Hyunjin touched you even just once, you’d never feel the same again.

So, you answered the sixth missed call, “Hello?”

Hyunjin watched you from where he sat.

Mina’s voice came in, “Oh my god, I thought you died or something”

“Yeah, sorry. I…wasn’t feeling well. I’ll be there soon” You replied, staring at the cabinet and how he’d arranged everything beautifully — a black cherry candle on the top shelf, a cerulean blue hand towel, and a tiny glass jar of hair-clips.

Your gaze darted to Hyunjin’s, and he was putting on his shirt now.

“Okay, I’ll see you there” Mina spoke, hanging up.

“You have to go?” He asked.

You turned to him, “Yeah, in a bit”

He stepped closer to you, “Are you all right?”

You nodded, “Mmh. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He smiled, pressing you into the counter, “Because you didn’t answer my question”

Your eyes widened, “Hyun-”

“I hope you don’t think of me as one of those guys”

“What guys?” You laughed.

“The guy… who’d let you just go to work without taking care of you too”

You gulped, “You don’t have to take care of me”

His expression fell, “You don’t want me to…?”

“No, it’s not that”

“Then tell me what it is” He asked, leaning in.

“Hyun…maybe later” You told him, “Mrs. Aera…will really hate me if I don’t show up”

He sighed, “Yeah. No one could ever hate you, though”

“Let’s not wait and find out” You laughed, grabbing your phone. As you headed for the door, Hyunjin watched you from the bathroom counter, but suddenly spoke, “Y/N”

“Yeah?” You turned.

He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. Your heart jumped at the suddenness, and the kiss was so soft, so slow.

“Thank you” He said, pulling away, just slightly, “For…cutting my hair”

“Of course” You smiled. His fingers brushed against the skin of your stomach, and he pulled you close again, finding your mouth with his for the second time in the same breath.

Immediately, you kissed him back, and his tongue slipped into your mouth, deepening the kiss.

“Thank you…for…” He mumbled again, between kisses. 

This time…you knew he wasn’t referring to the haircut.

Your mouth hovered close, nose touching his, “Don’t thank me, Hyun. I’ve only been dreaming about it forever”

“So...you dream about me too?” He asked, looking right into your eyes.

You laughed, hands coming up to his chest to push him away, “Shut up”

“Wait” He leaned in to kiss you again. You let yourself melt into his embrace, and you wanted to ask what the hell happened to his no-dating rule, and all of his damned rules about love, but you didn’t.

A chuckle escaped you, “You have to stop thanking me…”

“No, you just…you make me feel so good” He whispered, “I don’t deserve it”

Your eyebrows shot up.

Where did that come from?

“Hyun, I’ll be late” You told him, and you were crazy for willingly pulling away from him, but you wanted to respect Mrs. Aera and her time. 

There was no hurry. Hyunjin wasn’t going anywhere right now, and you’d have all the time in the world to kiss him when you got back from work.

There was still time.

“We’re meeting at the Creek later tonight, right? Yeonjun might come too”

“Tonight? I almost forgot about your futile mission to make me love Daejon again”

He pouted, and you wonder how he could look so adorable after doing something so filthy, “Don’t call it futile”

“We’ll see who’s right” You hummed, adjusting your sweatshirt.

“Have a good day at work”

You felt like teasing him again, just a bit, “Maybe you should change your sweats after I leave”

He flushed red, “Stop. You’re the one that couldn’t resist me, and all just because I changed my hair”

You narrowed your eyes, “Unfair. You win”

He smiled, cheek dimpling, “I know”

»»————-

Work felt a lot like hell that afternoon. 

As you sorted through the new paint, all you thought of was him.

His moans haunted you, his nose scrunching in pleasure, spit trailing down his swollen lips.

What came over you to do such a thing?

How did he let you?

The answer, of course, was simple enough.

Fucking lust. Or love. For you, it was both.

It seemed like he’d realized that you couldn’t stay away from each other, and you were thankful that you didn’t have to pretend to resist each other anymore. 

“Acrylics?”

“Huh?” You looked up from where you were bent on the floor, hands buried in bubble wrap.

“Could you pass me the acrylics?” Mina repeated, standing tall on a ladder, trying to stock the upper shelves. 

“Right. Sure” You reached into the cardboard box behind you. A new edition of paint bottles lay there, named summer pastels, and you handed it over to Mina.

Just a few hours more that you had to make it through.

You were meeting him and Jun by the Creek later for a night swim, and the thought of seeing him so soon again excited you. There was so much to do with him and you were looking forward to the rest of the summer.

He definitely seemed eager to explore the rest of Daejon, and you had to take him to the night market, the summer solstice festival in the park, to a paintball fest, the list was endless.

You wanted to teach him your favourite techniques about art. He’d asked for your help after all. You’d help him excel in watercolour, and gouache, and maybe he’d love impressionism. It was surreal, and dreamy just like him and you could imagine the landscapes you could paint together.

How amazing would that be?

If you and him worked on a painting together.

Your styles were so different, but they’d meld together so well, and you’d let him take the lead. You could imagine how proud he’d feel.

You hope you wouldn’t get too distracted and caught up in each other, and would actually finish the painting, and god, it would be so hot if there was paint all over him-

“You’re distracted” Mina pointed out, stretching to reach the upper shelf as she stocked new sharpies.

“I’m just tired” 

She smiled, “Thinking about a boy?”

“What else did you want me to hand you?”

“You’re cute when you’re flustered, Y/N”

“I’m not flustered. I told you…I’m tired”

Your phone buzzed, and you immediately reached for it, before realising that you were technically at work, and you shouldn’t be so eager. 

Still, Mina caught onto that.

“Oh my god” She laughed, “Who is he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You put your phone face down, so you wouldn’t be tempted to check. 

“Yeah you do” She smiled, “Don’t be embarrassed of it”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, because nothing is going on” You felt like a broken record repeating that, but it was the truth.

Your phone buzzed again, and you peeked at the messages. 

They were from Seungmin.

seungmin:

hey yn

i think you may be at work but I can't get in touch with hyunjin

whenever you do, can you ask him if the refund for the last payment came in?

you:

refund for what?

seungmin:

the art classes

at the château 

he was registered for the whole summer before, but since he’s not attending them anymore, we’re refunding him

you:

what?

he cancelled the classes?

“Y/N. I arranged the colors the way you like. Is it okay?” Mina interrupted, and you looked up at her, confused by what you’d just learnt.

“Yeah. It’s okay” You mumbled, reaching for your phone again.

“Can you please text whoever he is after work? I need some help with the canvas” She asked.

You nodded, “Of course. Sorry”

Hyunjin probably had a really good reason for cancelling the classes, maybe it was getting too expensive for him, and you’d ask him about it later.

“Which one even is he?” She asked.

“What?”

“Which boy?” She grinned at you.

“It’s just Seungmin” You told her, “And you’re one to talk”

“What?” She asked.

“Earlier when I came by…I saw the daffodils. Who’s the secret admirer, Mina?” You laughed, turning the tables on her.

She laughed, stepping down from the ladder, “Those were for you, dumbass”

“What?” You glanced up at her, heart jumping.

“They’re in the back room. Since you didn’t come for the morning shift, I put them in some water so they wouldn’t die”

Your eyes widened, “Can I go see?”

“Of course, but come right back please. I need some help with the easels”

Hyunjin sent you flowers?

Why didn’t he tell you? He must have wanted it to be a surprise, and you immediately stood up, dusting the dirt off your jeans as you made your way to the back room. 

The daffodils were peeking out from a cut-up plastic water bottle, a stark contrast to the natural beauty of the flowers. Your heart melted. Mina had done her best, going so far as to putting them on the one shelf of the storage room that got sunlight.

As you stepped closer, the scent overwhelmed you. It had been so long since you’d gone to pick any flowers. 

The petals were delicate to your touch, and you turned the bouquet around. There was no note attached from him.

The flowers were enough though, and you smiled to yourself, making a mental note to take them home with you, and put them on the windowsill by your bed. 

You would thank him later. 

You wanted to cheer him up anyway, and since you were going to the Creek tonight, you knew the perfect fucking way to do that. You just couldn’t wait for him to see it.

“They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?” Mina asked.

You turned to see her standing by the door, “Yeah. They’re so beautiful”

“Someone is waiting out there for you” She nodded back toward the shop.

“Oh, I’ll be right there” You grabbed the fragile water bottle, carrying it back out with you.

You stopped in your tracks as you entered the shop again.

Curly hair falling to her shoulders, the color of rose-gold, heart-shaped glasses balanced atop her nose, she was flipping through a Daejon brochure.

“Yuqi?” You exclaimed.

She looked up, immediately pushing the glasses up her head, and her lips tugged into a gorgeous smile.

“Seems like you’ve been up to a lot while I’ve been away” She grinned, pointing to the tourist brochure in her hands.

“I’ve been up to nothing” You laughed, stepping up to pull her into a hug, holding the flowers in your other hand. 

“Fuck, it’s been so long” She hummed.

“When did you get back?” You asked, placing the temporary vase on the cash counter. You leaned against it, turning to face her.

She looked like a dream in denim dungarees and a tube top.

“I drove in early this morning. I was running a few errands for Yeonjun since then”

You crossed your arms, “Oh, he’s already making you work for him?”

She rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately, as his twin sister, I have no choice but to do it”

“What errands does he even have?” 

“Ice-cream to aid his broken heart”

“Oh” You pouted, “He told you about that, huh?”

“Texted me crying last night” She shrugged, “That’s kind of why I drove in last minute. I wasn’t supposed to come home until the fall”

You smiled, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sure he will be too”

“I’m like the worst therapist” She laughed, “But…I have dealt with assholes and heartbreak before, so I may just be the perfect person”

Your eyes fell to the brochure in her hands, “What are you even reading that for?”

“There’s a beautiful picture of you in it" She said, waving the paper around.

“What?” You grabbed it from her, flipping through the pages.

It was the new tourist brochure for Daejon, and just like she said, there was a picture of you.

It was from the Paint and Wine event at the Château. 

You were painting, smiling at someone off-camera, and you knew that it was obviously Hyunjin, but he hadn’t been a part of this frame.

Maybe that was better since you didn’t need any rumours around town. Still, it remind you of that night and how beautiful it was, well… until the part where Hyunjin told you he could never be in a relationship, or let himself love someone.

You folded and kept it away, looking back at Yeonjun’s sister.

“You said you drove here? From Busan?”

She nodded.

“You brought the red pickup?”

She laughed, not one for nostalgia or outspoken love, “Sometimes I think you love me just for my car”

Just outside the store window, was parked her gorgeous red pickup truck. You had countless memories associated with it — nights Yuqi would sneak you and Felix out for drives, to the night markets and candy shops in Samhae, up the hill, to the river when Minho had his fishing phase in school.

Observing your wistful expression, Yuqi smiled, “Don’t tell me you’re reminiscing high school already, Y/N”

���I’m not!” You defended, “But it was kind of fun. It was simple”

“It isn’t now?”

You shrugged, “Things have changed a lot since you were last here”

She stepped up to you, “I already know about Hana and Jun’s fallout; what else happened?”

You didn’t even know where to start. Yuqi had always been like an older sister to you, even though technically her and Yeonjun were the same age, but you’d hardly kept in touch ever since she moved.

She’d been so busy in her life, and there was so much she didn't know about you.

You fiddled with your charm bracelet, wondering how to sum up the best summer of your life, “I uh, I met a boy”

Her eyebrows shot up, “What the actual fuck? Tell me everything”

“Sure, but I have to help out Mina too” You laughed, moving back to the supplies, “You’re coming tonight, right?”

“To the Creek? Yeah, Yeonjun told me he’s going” She questioned.

“You should come! You can meet him there”

Her eyes widened, “The boy you met, he’s coming tonight too?”

You smiled, “Yeah. It was actually his plan to go in the first plan”

“Fuck. Is he cute?”

“Mmh. He is” You laughed, pushing the cart of supplies towards Mina as she stocked them, rolling her eyes at your and Yuqi’s conversation.

“You ladies are not passing the Bechdel test” Mina laughed, from the top step of the ladder.

You glanced up at her, “You know what that is?”

“Of course. How dumb do you think I am” She laughed.

Yuqi leaned against the shelf, crossing her arms, “What is the Bechdel test?”

“Like...a way of figuring out if a film or book represents women without the stereotypes or sexism, and in order to pass the test, the book should have more than one conversation between women...which isn’t about men” You explained.

Yuqi laughed, “Well, fuck me. You’re still telling me all about the hot boy you met this summer. The Bechdel test can sue me”

»»————-

Hyunjin was waiting for you by the forest trail, later that night. Liquid dripped from his lips as he sucked on a cherry, and he had a bunch in his hand.

He looked adorable, hands tucked into denim jeans, his hair pushed under a baseball cap. 

“Where did you get those?” 

He glanced up, a small smile on his lips, “Hey” 

He pulled into a half-hug because of how messy his hands were.

“Hey” 

His lips were redder than ever, juice from the fruit dripping down his neck. It did something to you, and you looked away, not wanting to relive your thoughts that overtook you at work. 

He bit into another cherry, “I picked them out earlier by myself. At first, I wasn’t sure how to know which ones are fresh, because back in Seoul, I just buy them from the 7/11 under our dorm, but I don’t know, there’s something truly satisfying about picking your own fruit, you know?”

“Wow. How will you ever adapt to living in the city again?” You laughed.

His eyes crinkled, “Very sadly”

“I got your flowers, by the way” You smiled.

His eyebrows shot up, “What flowers?”

“The daffodils…that you got me?” You laughed, looking up at him.

Hyunjin seemed confused, which confused you further, “Um…”

“You…weren’t the ones who sent me those?”

He shook his head, an unreadable expression on his face, “No, that…wasn’t me”

“Oh okay. Never mind... How long have you been waiting here?” You asked, wanting to change the topic because that was fucking awkward, tugging your tote bag higher up your shoulder.

“You’re not late. I just got here early” He explained.

“To pick cherries?”

“Nope, I just needed to get out of the house”

“Oh. How do you feel now?”

He sighed, biting into another cherry, “It could be much worse”

“Oh…”

“But, hey, at least my head doesn’t pound anymore” He joked, as you arrived at the Creek.

The moon was supposed to be bright tonight, according to the forecast you looked up, but clearly nothing was going to plan, and everything that had happened since this morning had been all kinds of unexpected. 

The water was enveloped in darkness, and it felt like you were looking out into nothing.

Yongbok had always fed you tales of the many elves, faeries, and sirens that lived in the deepest abysses of your town. Stories of otherworldly creatures that inhabited the depths of the Creek, which would only reveal themselves in the deep of the night, concealed in the shadows. 

Obviously you’d never seen one, but you weren’t stubborn enough to tick their existence off the list.

He had told you those stories many times before, and you didn’t believe them, not really. 

Still, staring out into the dark right now, you did feel a little on edge.

The water was mostly still, as all of the little streams led to this spot, pooling in this gorgeous area. You thought it was beautiful how every river across your town ended up in one place, bringing together each corner and story of Daejon - forming a whirlpool of the lived memories.

To be honest, if there were any chance of otherworldly creatures existing in the entire universe…they probably would be residing in the cool cerulean blue water of the Creek.

“What are you thinking?” His tender voice, calmer than the waters, pulled you out of your fantastical thoughts.

Looking up, you saw him stood by the edge of the cliff, on the same rock he had jumped off months before, but you didn’t know him back then. He was but a stranger to you at that time.

You did know him now, at least you think you did -- over the weeks of peeling every layer of what made up Hyunjin, you knew so much of what made him, him. 

“I was…just thinking about how Yeonjun is late” You told him, crossing your arms against the cold breeze.

Hyunjin’s lips curled up, “He’ll be here”

“I hope he didn’t ditch us” You stared back at the dark water.

Hyunjin laughed, “Of course not. I think he’s just running late”

“You seem fairly confident when you’ve known him for less than a week”

He chuckled, stepping closer to you, “We can get in the water. We don’t have to wait for him, you know?”

You swallowed, “Get in the water, like…just me and you alone...together...?”

“Yeah”

Hyunjin standing there right now, looking like this, did not help your emotions. 

Chocolate brown strands framed his face, grazing his cheeks, and the rest was pulled up into a bun, messy, uneven, so fucking attractive.

And even if all those tales Yongbok and the town-dwellers told you were false, Hyunjin was the closest thing to an ethereal, out-of-this-world, ripped straight out of a fantasy novel creature - that you'd ever see. 

If those stories had been written in today's age, they would probably all be about him.

The t-shirt you'd picked out this morning fit him far too well, the zipper stopping at his chest, burgundy sleeves hugging his arms and biceps just like you wish he would hug you.

You were surprised when you’d seen him in that, and you definitely hadn’t been subtle enough this morning. 

He tilt his head at you, “Is there a problem with that? If it's just you and me in the water, alone?”

Was there?

The hint of a smile made it's way onto your face, and you reached up to untie your halter top, and even the fiercest creatures in Daejon couldn’t intimidate you right now as much as he did, “No...there's no problem at all, Hyun"

His eyes fixated on you, as you slipped off the top, revealing the swimsuit you’d picked inside. Light-pink, it hugged your body far too tightly, but he didn’t seem to care. 

He stared at you, unabashedly, unashamed, as you kept the top to the side, with the rest of your stuff. His eyes flickered over your body, and then back to your face.

“Your turn” You told him, crossing your arms.

“Okay” He chuckled, reaching up behind his neck, to take off his shirt, and your pulse went frantic and you felt so silly.

Hell, you’d seen him shirtless only hours before, but it was never enough, and he looked so fucking pretty in the moonlight.

You reached for the button on your shorts, popping it open, and Hyunjin watched as you slipped them off your legs, stepping out of them. It was chilly tonight, and you bent down, to put all of your stuff inside your backpack, and you were so fucking excited to show Hyunjin what you’d been planning. He would love it so much—

“Jisung called me”

You looked up, “What?”

“Yeah” He released a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. I’m ruining this moment”

“No...that’s okay. How is he doing?”

“As good as he can be right now, but...” He sat down on the rock, staring at the water, “I feel bad that I’m not with him”

“You’ll see him in a few weeks though, wouldn’t you?”

Hyunjin swallowed, “Yup”

You’d been expecting that Hyunjin would feel better after…what happened earlier this afternoon, but maybe it was naïve and stupid of you to assume that. You couldn’t change his life circumstances. You made him cum, you didn’t fix all the problems in his life. 

You felt defeated, because he certainly didn’t seem to be in the mood for this.

And why should he?

His best friend was going through shit, and he could do nothing about it. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” You asked.

Hyunjin glanced up at you, “Do what?”

“Swim. We don’t need to. I know you’re not in a mood to…we’re only doing this for me—”

“No, I wanna do this” He interrupted, “Did I…made you feel like I didn’t?”

“Maybe we can just wait for Yeonjun” You spoke, joining him on the rocks, “He must be close”

He nodded, crossing his legs on, “Yeah, he must be. So who do you think the flowers are from?”

You turned to him, pulling your knees to your chest, confused, “I don’t know. I…just assumed it was from you”

His face fell.

You smiled, to reassure him, “Don’t worry. They’re probably sent to the wrong person. Or maybe they’re consolation flowers for not getting the apprenticeship”

Hyunjin frowned at the mention of that, “Once I get back to Seoul, I’m definitely giving a piece of my mind to that shit company”

“What?” You laughed.

“They’re crazy to deny you” He expressed, turning to you, “Have you thought about…applying to another?”

You glanced at him, “Another program?”

“Yeah” He wrung his hands together.

You shrugged, staring at the dark water, “Not yet. I’m not proud enough of my work to send my portfolio again, and I’m…not really over the rejection”

“So, what, you’re gonna just give up?”

You shook your head, “No, of course not, Hyun. I’m just gonna take some time off”

“You can’t do that”

You frowned, the urgency in his tone unmistakable, “Why…? Isn’t it a good thing to take time to myself?”

“No, because-” He turned to you, grabbing your hand, “You’re so fucking good at what you do. Right now, there will be so many chances…and opportunities that you could get. Do you know how many companies I auditioned at before I got selected at Pegasus?”

Your face softened, unfamiliar with this urgency,  “No, I…didn’t know that, Hyun”

There was so much you still didn’t know about him.

Realisation sank into his face, “Yeah. Well, it was a lot. If I’d given up, do you think I’d still be here right now?”

So much you yearned to know.

Why did he choose to audition in the first place? What made him even go after this profession? 

And then more. Stuff about his life that didn't matter, or maybe it did.

Who was his first kiss? What was his favourite book? His worst heartbreak? The first girl he fucked? Your curiosity would rip at the seams and maybe it would never end, because the things you wanted to know about him were endless, and now that time was slipping away, it was the only opportunity to stop thinking and start asking him all of those things.

There was no point in dwelling on the what-ifs. 

Hyunjin was here now, and you would not hold back anymore.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?” He glanced at you.

“Stay so fucking positive, despite everything. If I was in your place, I think the apprehension and fear would have killed me”

His lip tilted up, “It’s not always this way. This year is just not a good one for us. I guess because people are finally beginning to know who we are, it just invites so much more hate, and anger”

“I don’t understand people”

“I know” He sighed, “But for the amount of hate, the love we get...it cancels out all the bullshit”

Hyunjin spoke of love in so many ways, except one.

“Like…” You picked at the pebbles with your nails, lowering your voice, “Some people are so evil”

Hyunjin nodded, “Mmh, but let’s... forget about them tonight. For the time we have left, I don’t want you to spend it inside your head”

“The time we have left...” You repeated, and you would forget about those people tonight, because tonight was special, “I have a lot of things I wanna do with you”

“You do?” He looked at you, voice unsure.

“Yeah” You smiled, “You’re going to love it. There’s so much stuff that happens the end of summer, like the solstices festival, and I still have to teach you so many of my favourite techniques! So I...I was thinking that we could paint together—”

He swallowed, “Maybe we should just take it one day at a time, Y/N”

You stopped mid-sentence at his words, “Oh”

You were getting carried away.

Hyunjin sighed, realising what he’d said, “Because…I mean, you know…eventually, I’ll have to go-”

It just reminded you that this was so temporary.

Your thing with him was temporary — whatever that thing was.

Hyunjin would just walk out of your life, and his life would go on as it always did.

Was there a point to what all you had planned, if he was never going to see you again after that?

“Yeah I know” You interrupted, “Let’s get in the water”

“Y/N…” He spoke, reaching out to your cheek, “We came here for a reason, right? You love this place, and so you’d have a good-”

“I am having a good time” You stood up, standing by the edge, and you would.

Tonight was supposed to be special. 

He joined you, staring at the drop, arms crossed, “Are you gonna ask me to jump again?”

You laughed, “You’ve done it before”

He glanced at you, biting his lip, “Together?”

It wasn’t that scary, but this was only his second time here, and so you took his hand in yours, letting him grip you tightly.

And then you stepped forward into nothingness, stomach lurching at the sudden drop.

You’d jumped off this rock a hundred times before, but this time you still didn’t feel prepared. 

The cold water swallowed you both, and for a minute or what felt like hours, everything was blank.

It was black, and blue, and freezing, and you couldn’t see where he was, and your head pounded with the pressure, and for a second, you feared your worries would weigh you down until you couldn’t come up — 

But then Hyunjin pulled you up out of the water, holding you tight.

You gasped for breath, taking in fresh air, yet it still felt like all the oxygen had left your lungs, because he was touching you so close.

Hyunjin shook his head, to get the hair and water out of his eyes, “Fuck. The water’s fucking freezing”

“It is” You shivered, drifting closer into his arms, to share in his body heat.

The water finally settled around, ripples from your jump dissipating, and if there were any creatures in the water they surely would have woken up by now.

“This is what you missed about Daejon? Freezing your ass off? I can see why you hate this town”

You laughed, loudly, gripping his shoulders, “Shut up. It’s nice if you let it settle”

His teeth chattered, and he was so dramatic because it wasn’t that cold. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him to you, “It’s better than a cold shower”

“What do you even love about this?” He asked you, “It’s better in the morning. It’s warm and I don’t get hypothermia—”

You grabbed his chin, making him look up.

He did, mouth parting, in awe of the view.

The stars had never been as bright as they were tonight, and he sucked in a sharp breath, “How is it so clear? It’s…even better than the hills”

“There’s no lights here, so you can see them much clearer”

Hyunjin’s gaze stayed up to the sky, as he watched the stars twinkle.

“Shit, isn’t that gorgeous? I can see all the constellations from down here” He spoke, “Wait, I think I know that one. It’s Cassiopeia”

Your heart stung at the reminder, but you calmed yourself.

One day at a time.

Tonight would be great.

You tilt your body back, floating on the water, and Hyunjin held onto your waist, drifting with you in the cesspool of your lived memories.

Time felt like it stretched into hours, as you watched the stars move so slow, as the Earth spun, and Hyunjin’s fingers kept you rooted to reality, and your perception of everything was different here. 

You almost expected to look up, and be back in the past somehow, and the thought was terrifying because as much as you wanted things to be good again, it couldn’t happen at the cost of Hyunjin.

The stars blinked, disappearing every other second, reminding you of a memory you’d forgotten - you’d actually planned something for him, and you were going to miss it, because you were stupidly stuck in the past, when your present was already so perfect.

“Fuck” You straightened up, “We need to get out of the water”

There was something Hyunjin needed to see. 

And it had to be now.

“What?” 

“We might have already missed it” You immediately swam back to the bank, and Hyunjin followed, confused why you were getting out of the water so early.

“Missed what?” He laughed, as you lifted yourself out. The wind pricked your skin. You slipped on your flimsy top, and there wasn’t any time to wear your shorts and you can’t believe you fucking forgot about this.

How lost were you?

“Why are you getting dressed?”

“It’s…like your thing on the Château” You told him, grabbing his hand to drag him away from the water and into the woods, not wanting to spoil it anymore.

“What thing?” He stumbled after you, still dripping wet from your short-lived swim.

“The town lights on the hill. Remember you showed them to me?” You spoke, as you pulled him through the underbrush.

“I remember” He was confused, following as you ran through the clearing, into the denser part of the woods. The sound of crickets surrounded you, drowning your little gasps of breath as you ran through.

The leaves crunched under your hurried footsteps, pushing past the twigs in your way.

You hadn’t been there in a few years, but there was no better time to revisit.

He had to see, and he had to now.

He would love it, you know he would love it so much.

If anything in Daejon could make him feel grateful and happy, it was this place. 

“But where are we going?” Hyunjin almost whined, trying to keep up with you. He was much taller so it should have been easier for him, but he was still stumbling through, clearly not used to the wilderness and the city boy inside him was peeking out.

“We’re almost here!” You promised.

“Can’t you at least tell me—“

Your abrupt stop made him bump into you, and he put his hands on your shoulders to turn you around, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did you step on-”

“I want you to close your eyes”

His eyebrows shot up, “What…?”

“Just…” You grabbed his hands, “Please listen to me and don’t ask any questions”

He laughed, amused but slowly closed his eyes, and you grabbed his warm hand in yours. You lead him deeper into the clearing, and he hesitated.

“Don’t make me fall into a ditch—”

“Just trust me, Hyun” You told him.

“I do trust you. I just don’t want to get hurt blindly walking through a forest” He asked, stepping over the leaves, and pebbles that he felt under his feet.

Your smile grew, as you finally made it to the clearing, a view prettier than anything in the entire universe.

You hadn’t come here in ages. 

You turned to face him, catching your breath, “Okay. We’re here”

“Where? Can I open my eyes now?”

You laughed, because Hyunjin was such a hopeless romantic, but he was so impatient too.

Amongst the Daejon woods, was a clearing, where the terrain was flat, and the woodland plants grew tall - a mix of orange and purple flowers, surrounded by thin weeds. 

But, the most beautiful part of this clearing, was what you’d brought him to witness. 

“You can open your eyes, Hyun”

Confusion painted his face, in the form of suspicious furrowed eyebrows, until he finally looked up, realising just why you brought him here.

His mouth fell open in awe, eyes widening, as he took in the scene.

“Oh my god”

Soft, twinkling lights illuminated the entire clearing.

A hundred of them, bright lights, flying above the canopy, like stars shining through the canopy.

Stars that flew around, bumping into each other, creating paths and patterns that could never be replicated even in constellations.

Fireflies.

Hyunjin’s eyes were lit up, mouth parted in amazement like never before, watching the little lightning bugs illuminate the dark woods.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin repeated, a chuckle of disbelief escaping him. He clutched his stomach tightly, as if he couldn’t believe he were here, turning a full circle to take in the view.

“There’s so many of them” He breathed.

A smile overtook your lips, voice soft, “Do you like it?”

He turned to you, pure adoration in his eyes, like a kid on Christmas morning, like a boy in love, but not with you, with what you’d done for him.

“How did you know they would be here?”

You shrugged, coyly, “A coincidence”

His gaze softened at your words, “You planned this”

“I did…I wanted to show them to you”

He looked up again, getting distracted in the way the fireflies flew above the canopy, “It’s so beautiful”

You swallowed, “I wanted to show them to you…before you have to leave. I thought it’d make you feel better, even if only temporarily. I know you’re having a hard time, and I just thought you should see this because—”

When you looked up at him, he was staring at you, not the fireflies anymore, an unreadable expression in his eyes.

His gaze pierced through you, and then flickered to your lips, “Thank you”

You swallowed, suddenly nervous as you looked up at him, “Earlier you said you wish you had a different life, and you’d be happier somehow and I want you to know that’s not true. You can be happy in this life, I know we still have a lot of time, but I don’t want to miss any moment—”

Hyunjin cut you off, pressing his lips to yours.

You let out a noise of surprise, as his arms gripped you, pulling your body closer to his. You stumbled into his embrace, immediately kissing him back. His chest was still glistening with water droplets, and his hair was dripping, sticking to your face, to your lips.

Cold, and wet fingers grabbed your cheek.

His mouth felt hot on yours, as he pressed his chest to yours, wasting no time in pushing his tongue into your mouth.

“Hyun-” You whined, pulling back an inch to breathe, but you didn’t want to breathe anything except his taste.

“I have to tell you something, Y/N” 

At first you thought you misheard him.

“W-what?” You paused.

He kissed you again, holding your face in his hands, “It's...very important”

His voice was suddenly heavy with emotion, and you realised that no you did not want to know.

You’d push your curiosity to the side, and fuck that, because you didn’t want to know anything that would break your heart, and what Hyunjin was going to say definitely would.

“I don’t wanna know. Not now. Just kiss me, please”

Hyunjin’s gaze softened, “Are you sure?”

“Please” You pressed your mouth to his, “I just want you right now”

“Y/N…” He breathed, against your lips.

It was hard to speak, and you didn’t even know what you were feeling at the moment, “I just want tonight to be perfect, and I want you so much”

“Okay” He breathed, pulling your face back to his, and you kissed him, trying to erase everything he was going to say, and this could have been a beautiful moment but perhaps you weren’t the only self-destructive one.

Perhaps it was far too perfect for Hyunjin to handle, and that’s why he was trying everything he could to destroy it, but you wouldn’t let him.

So, you kissed him, until you both sat on the grass, and your knees touched the forest floor. He was on his knees too, holding you to him, hands clutching your face to still have the semblance of control. 

You kissed him until the pebbles and rocks under you stopped hurting, leaving imprints on your skin forever just like he had.

You kissed him until he’d swallowed all your tears, and until denial tasted just like the cherries he had sucked on. 

You kissed him until he was hard, and he mumbled, “Baby...”

He pressed you to the floor, crawling on top of you.

He never broke the open-mouthed kiss, and everything was so wet, with your spit, with the water from the Creek that still hadn’t dried off, with your soaking underwear. 

His weight on top of you was new, and it was unfamiliar, and you don’t know when it would ever happen again, so you tried to memorise it. Your hands sifted through his freshly-cut hair, and it remind of you this morning, and of how beautiful he’d looked, and how different things were.

Hyunjin at seven am was so different from him now.

You wanted to learn him, and discover who he was at every hour of the day. 

Hyunjin’s hands grabbed yours, and in a single move, he pinned them over your head, taking control of you.

Your hands pressed into the grass, and the rocks, and you were at his complete mercy.

“I…couldn’t focus on work today because of you” You complained, when he pulled back to breathe.

“What were you thinking about?” He whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth, pushing his knee between your legs.

“Fuck” You mumbled, and his other hand dropped to your stomach, holding your body down, and it was so fucking sexy you couldn’t stop your whines, “About how pretty you look, about how big-”

He let out a groan, pushing his hardening cock against your swimsuit bottoms, “It’ll feel more perfect when I’m inside you”

Blood rushed to your head, and you tilt your head back, as he planted kisses all over your collarbone. His hand slid under your sweater, squeezing your tits in his hands as he grind against you.

You wanted to touch him, but he didn’t let you, keeping your hands at bay, and it was so fucking hot and you were so wet.

“This swimsuit…is so fucking adorable on you” He mumbled, fiddling with the strings of your bikini bottom, “Is it okay if I touch you?”

“Yes, yes, please”

Why was he even asking?

And then he pressed his fingers into your core, over the thin fabric, and you almost passed out at the touch.

“Fuck” You moaned, squirming, “Don’t tease me”

He nodded, swallowing your whimpers, “I won’t. I was just making sure you’re ready”

“I am” You all but begged.

“I know” He smiled against your lips, and true to his promise, pulled the waistband of your pastel-blue panties forward. 

You could still see the fireflies from here, the twinkling lights in the sky, and you wanted to remember how that looked, but Hyunjin was rolling his hips against yours, and you couldn’t focus on anything else.

You let out a loud moan, when his hand slipped inside your underwear, and he was so fucking sweet as he kissed your cheek, “Will you let me finger you now, baby?”

“M-”

“Y/N?” A familiar voice interrupted, echoing in the woods, and Hyunjin immediately stopped, pulling back to look at you.

“Did you hear that?” He asked you, eyes half-lidded.

You were so distracted by his dilated pupils that you didn’t register that someone was calling your name, and you would have chosen to ignore it, but Hyunjin was already standing up, pulling you to your feet.

“Y/N?” The voice sang again.

“Shit” You cursed, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Who is that?” Hyunjin asked, fixing the straps of your top, pushing them back onto your shoulders.

You ran your hands over your face, trying to gather your bearings, but your head was filled with a cloud of lust, “It’s…her”

His eyebrows shot up, as he tugged your sweater over your swimsuit, “Who?”

“Y/N?” The voice called out again, as footsteps ran out into where you were. 

She stopped, feet skidding against the dirt, as soon as she saw the two of you.

Hyunjin turned to her, eyes widening.

You flushed with embarrassment, because if you heard her…that means she definitely heard you moan.

She stood still, staring at the two of you, and it would almost be comical if you didn’t feel slightly ashamed. 

Her rose-gold hair was pulled up into two ponytails, a red swimsuit hugging her curves.

“You must be Hyunjin” She blurted, “I’ve heard so much about you”

“Oh” He trailed off, looking back at you, and you could see he was trying to restrain the hard-on in his swim-shorts.

You were still so lost, head fuzzy, because what was Hyunjin going to tell you before you interrupted him?

Yuqi looked apologetic, “Sorry I ran in here, I parked my car and then I saw your clothes out by the rocks, and I assumed the worst, like you never know what goes on in these woods, there could be some serial killer, and I literally fell asleep watching Friday the 13th last night, and if you’ve seen that, you’d know that—“

“I haven’t seen it” Hyunjin interrupted her.

“Oh. You should. It’s…nice”

“I don’t really like horror movies” 

“I’m Yeonjun’s sister” She added, an awkward smile.

“Ohh. You look like him”

“Yeah. Cause we’re related”

She looked around the glade, “Did she bring you out here to see the fireflies? I swear she and Felix are so obsessed with thi—”

“Where’s Yeonjun?” You interrupted.

“He’s already in the water” She jut her thumb back towards the water, “I’ll see you guys there!”

She ran back through the woods, and it’d be funny if you didn’t feel so frustrated. You and Hyunjin had horrible timing…or maybe it was fate’s way of saying you weren’t supposed to be doing this.

“She definitely knows what we were doing” Hyunjin spoke, softly, hand slipping inside his shorts to adjust, and you looked away.

“Yeah, but you can trust Yuqi. She…won’t tell anyone”

This was reckless. There were a lot of kids and groups from town that hiked in the woods, especially in the summer.

Hyunjin was already dealing with scandal upon scandal, he didn’t need you to make it worse.

His gaze fell to the floor, “I’m sorry for getting carried away. That was stupid”

You nodded, “Yeah. It was”

“We should be more careful” He mumbled, but you could see the frustration in his eyes as he began walking back.

You followed him, trying to calm your breathing, “It’s a good thing it was just her”

“I didn’t even know Yeonjun has a sister”

“Yeah, she lives in Busan” You told him.

“She has a car?”

“Yeah”

“I was going to rent one” He spoke, as you fell into step with him.

"You were?” You turned to him, “What do you need a car for?”

He shrugged, pushing through the rustling leaves, “I…got us tickets to something”

“Well, I’m sure Yuqi would let you have it for an evening. You don’t have to rent one”

“That sounds good” He nodded, shooting you a soft smile as you finally caught up to Yuqi and Yeonjun, who were already in the water. 

They were splashing each other already, asking you to jump in.

Hyunjin headed to them, but you reached out to him, “By the way, tickets for what?”

He laughed, looking sheepish, “Can that part still be a surprise?” 

»»————-

Fortunately for you, the curiosity about the surprise only lasted for a day.

“You’ve never seen Jaws?” 

“I’m not really a monster movie kind of guy” Hyunjin replied, arms crossed against his chest as Yuqi gaped at him, an almost comical expression on her face.

“Does that mean you’ve never seen Chucky either?”

“I happen to like dolls, and I don’t want to change that”

They’d only known each other a little more than a day, and were already comfortable enough with each other, thanks to the hours spent last night swimming and getting to know each other. 

“You’re fucking kidding me” She stated, then turned to you, “Where did you find this guy?”

“Leave him alone, Yuqi” Yeonjun replied before you could speak, and you laughed.

“No, because monster movies are easily the best genre!” She told Yeonjun, who’d already stopped listening, and was checking the tickets on his phone. 

The drive-in theater was busy tonight, as a crazy amount of families and couples had come out to watch the iconic screening of Jaws. 

Hyunijn had insisted that you come here tonight, another thing off your list that you’d mentioned to him, and the fact that Yuqi just happened to have a car — was a cherry on top of a perfect coincidence.

When they’d learnt of your plans, Hyunjin had been kind enough to let them come along with you, because he enjoyed their company as much as you did.

You don’t know why Hyunjin was rushing through the things, but you couldn’t complain. 

Every summer, cars would line up until Mrs. Erin’s noodle shop, and a huge projector and screen were set up, facing the woods.

They usually played the same movies on loop, so you’d already got tired of the the same blockbuster tropes. Being Yongbok’s friend, you had had no choice but to indulge in every single one of these films.

Still, tonight was different, because Hyunjin was here now.

Every time you came in the past, you would borrow Yuqi’s car since her pick-up truck had space in the back to squeeze all of your friends, with thick blankets and enough snacks to last double-features. Her truck was also ideal for star-gazing and movie nights like this. 

You stood leaning against it, in the minutes before the movie began. As of now, they were only showing previews and trailers, as everybody parked their cars.

“I’m not a fan of watching people get ripped apart” Hyunjin replied to her, his voice low.

“Can’t believe you’re a softie” She tilt her head, as if analysing him top-to-down. Hyunjin’s cheeks turned red at her scrutinising gaze and he turned to you, for help. 

He looked extra adorable today, in a white button-up shirt, and faded boyfriend-fit jeans.

You laughed, pushing the pebbles at your feet, “You’re on your own, Hyun”

He sighed, turning to Yuqi, “It’s not that I don’t enjoy the thrill, I just prefer to indulge in a different kind of …excitement”

“Yongbok must hate you” She laughed, “He’s obsessed with those movies. Have you two met yet?”

Your eyebrows shot up, and you saw Hyunjin stiffen. 

You spoke, before he could, “Um, yeah they have”

“How did he approve of you then?” She asked, eyes wide.

“Yongbok doesn’t have to approve of anybody” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You two just don’t seem like you’d get along” She told him. 

Hyunjin’s expression was calm, and reserved as she said that. You realised that while you’d heard plenty of opinions from Yongbok about him, you had no idea what Hyunjin felt about him.

Hyunjin smiled, “He’s a cool guy. I’m sure if we hung out more, we’d get along”

His eyes landed on yours, and you agreed, “Yeah. I’m sure you would”

“So then what do you like? Don’t tell me you’re into that cheesy Notebook shit” Yuqi narrowed her eyes at him. 

“I’m sorry I just happen to have a more refined taste than you, Yuqi” Hyunjin replied, catching you and her by surprise as she gasped. You laughed, proud of how he’d already learned to deal with her.

“Okay. I see you, Hwang Hyunjin” She hummed, smiling at him.

“These tickets should get us a popcorn and soda combo. Is there anything else you need, guys?” Yeonjun asked, squeezing his phone back into his jeans pocket.

“That sounds good” You answered, “I can go get the snacks”

“No, me and Hyunjin will go” Yeonjun smiled, looping an arm around him, “Won’t we?”

Hyunjin smiled, shy gaze falling to the floor, “Yeah, of course”

They walked to the pop-up booths, and you and Yuqi hung back, watching the crowd filter in.

“He’s sweet”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Where did you find him?”

You laughed, “I didn’t. Hana found him. Kind of”

“Where is she, by the way?” Yuqi asked, glancing up at you.

“I haven’t seen her since the party” You shrugged.

“Ah. The party Yeonjun went to?”

“The very same” You sighed, wanting to forget the nightmare Lakehouse party, “You and Hyunjin were talking a lot last night in the water. What about?” 

She waved a hand dismissively, “Oh. He was just asking me about Felix”

You turned to her, “Felix? What did Hyunjin want to know about him?”

“Just a lot of random things, it wasn’t an important conversation"

What random things? 

You searched the crowd for the boys, but your gaze landed on a recognisable silhouette, walking away from you, clutching a tub of popcorn tightly in his hands.

Light blonde hair that stood out in the crowd, and he was in a leather jacket, and there was a grin on his face. You’d missed seeing that so much.

He looked so different, yet so familiar, and your heart ached in the wake of all that familiarity.

“Oh, isn’t that him right there?” Yuqi asked.

“Yeah. It is”

“Aren’t you gonna go say hi?” She laughed, confused at your somber tone.

“Um. I should. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Of course. Tell him I said hi!” She smiled. 

You walked over to him and you felt nervous, but you had to have this conversation sooner, than later.

“Lix?”

He turned around at your voice, eyes widening in happy recognition.

Immediately, he smiled, his entire face lit up, “Hey. It’s been a while since I saw you”

You hadn’t seen or talked to him in what felt like forever.

“I didn’t think you’d be coming tonight”

He laughed, “Why would I not? You know how much I love Jaws”

“Right. I…remember”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, stepping closer, to hear you better over all of the crowd, and the sounds of the previews.

“I…” You trailed, point to the projector, “The movie”

“Right. The movie” He laughed, tub of caramel popcorn in his hands and Yongbok hated caramel so you wonder why he was holding it this tight.

“Are you here alone?” 

“No, I came with Eunbi” He responded, gesturing to where she probably was, not that you cared for that right now.

“Oh”

He tilt his head, “Did you get the flowers, by the way?”

Your eyes widened, “You…sent me the flowers?”

He chuckled, “Did you hate them or something?”

“No. I...” You trailed off, unable to comprehend why Felix would send you flowers, of all things in the world, “I love them. They’re great...”

Was that his attempt at an apology?

“I’m glad” His eyes crinkled.

“Yuqi’s here” You blurted, wanting to not talk about this any longer, because it just made no fucking sense.

“Yuqi?” He laughed, seemingly not affected by your ignorance to his gift, “She’s back in town?”

“Yeah. She drove in last night”

“From Busan?”

“Mmh” You nodded.

“She’s still the same?”

You smiled, “Yeah. She is exactly the same”

He looked around, trying to spot the iconic red pickup truck, “So you’re here with them then?”

“Hyunjin too” You added.

Felix’s gaze changed, and he nodded, “Right. Of course”

“Yeah”

He took a step back, smiling, “I guess I should let you get back to him"

Felix looked so happy, so much like his usual self, you felt safe again and you had to ask, “What did you…want to say to me? The other night, when you texted me?”

He laughed, except it seemed forced, “Um, forget that. I was just tipsy, and I was missing you”

You recalled his texts, “No, you said you realised why you’d been acting this way. What way?”

“Well…” He tucked his hands in his pockets, and stepped even closer. Under the lanterns, his eyes sparkled in a way they hadn’t before. Was it because it had been weeks since you’d seen him this happy, or was it just that you’d never gone so long without him?

“I yelled at you, at the cabin, at the party. The one you organised, just for me”

“I remember”

He sighed, “I’m sorry about that. It was…uncalled for, and I was an asshole, for doing that to you, when all you’d been doing was trying to make sure I had a good night”

“Why are you apologising to me now? All of a sudden?”

He shrugged, “I’ve been wanting to for a while. I just couldn’t find the right time, and then earlier this week, I was actually thinking about us. About the cabin, and-”

“Felix…”

“Do you remember that summer?” He interrupted, and even though you’d spent every summer the same way, you somehow knew exactly which one he was talking about.

The summer Hana and Yeonjun started dating.

The same summer you promised Felix you’d never let anything get in between you.

How did he know that you were thinking of it too?

Was it because you and him had spent your entire lives around each other, and he knew you so well?

“Yeah. I remember” You nodded, “What about it?”

“I miss that. I’m really sorry for getting frustrated at you, and overwhelmed. I was upset because-"

“Because you what?"

He shook his head, “It wasn’t just because of Hyunjin”

“Then what?”

He sighed, “That’s not important. What matters is…I’ve been thinking about that summer a lot, and how it was probably the best one of my life. We snuck out to Jeju, do you remember that?”

“I do. Your parents got so mad”

“They did” He laughed, “Anyway, so I was thinking…we could go for a swim soon, right?”

“Why?”

He smiled, “It’s the season of the fireflies. Don’t you remember?”

Your heart crumbled at the memories. 

You and Felix used to go there, every summer, to play with the lightning bugs.

Was it you that ruined everything? 

Felix tilt his head at you, “You all right, Y/N?”

You swallowed, because it was time to tell him what you’d been feeling, “No. I…keep thinking about how things used to be, and I miss that”

His gaze softened, “You do?”

You had to be honest now, “Do you think too much has happened…that things can never be the way they were?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana and Yeonjun will probably never talk to each other again, half of it feels like my fault”

He shook his head, insisting, “It’s not your fault. They just weren’t meant to be together”

“You believe that?”

“Yeah. When two people are meant to be, everything in the world brings them closer, not further apart”

“And…what about you and Yeonjun?”

He shrugged, a playful expression on his face, “Maybe…we can be friends again”

“Really?”

“I…honestly don’t even remember what I was mad at him for. For breaking up with her, for leaving us, it doesn’t matter”

“And…Hyunjin?”

His eyes shot up to yours, “What about Hyunjin?”

You swallowed, “You and him…do you think you can ever be friends with him again?”

He shrugged, “Does it matter? He’s…going to move back to the city, and I’m probably never going to see him again”

“Why?”

“I mean…with his job, it’s not like he’s going to be visiting every summer. So I don’t think it matters if me and Hyunjin get along or not. We’ll hardly ever meet”

You nodded, the sting of Hyunjin leaving hitting you again, but then something Minho had told you came back to you, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, you can”

“When we were fifteen, you said you’d look for the boy from the shop, but you…never told me you found him. Why did you never tell me?”

Felix’s gaze fell to the floor, “It was..futile. It would just break your heart, Y/N”

“What do you mean?”

He stepped closer, clearly wanting to explain himself, and his voice was louder now, because the movie was beginning to play, “I didn’t want to give you false hope. When I found out who Hyunjin is, I also found out what he was doing…training in some big-shot company that would basically own his DNA if he debuted. And he did debut”

“So?”

“So…there would have been no point if you even knew his name, Y/N. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I’m sorry I lied”

Your gaze fell to the floor, because of course he made some kind of sense, it’s not like Felix was an evil person who would keep such things from you for no reason. He cared about you, and so he did what he could to protect you, even if it was wrong, “So is Eunbi your girlfriend now?”

“Where would you get that idea?”

“Seonmi told me everything”

Felix laughed, “Seonmi told you what she thinks she knows. We’re just sleeping together”

“Right. I should go-”

He stepped up to you, closing the distance between you, “You asked me if things can go back to the way they were”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you want that so badly?”

You frowned, “What…what do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana was a bitch to you ever since Yeonjun left her. You wanna go back to that?”

Your eyes narrowed, “That’s not what I meant”

“Then what did you mean? Do you even know what you want go back to?”

“Of course I know, Lix”

“No, I think you like hurting yourself. Why are you always chasing after things you can’t have? Like that art internship in the city. Like…him”

Your eyes widened, and you stepped back, sneakers skidding against the dirt,  “How…how do you know about that?”

He sighed, “Is that really the most important thing right now?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “I was here to fix things, not to fight again”

Felix let out a breath, reaching out to grab your hand, but you stepped back.

“We’re just having a conversation, Y/N, I’m sorry if it makes you feel like I’m fighting you. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is to fight you”

“Then what are you even saying?” You mumbled, “Why don’t you want things to go back to the way they were? Don’t you want us to be friends again, Yongbok?”

“No, I don’t, Y/N”

“What?” Your eyes shot to his, because you hadn’t expected him to say that, “You…don’t wanna be friends with me anymore?”

His gaze fell to the floor, and he seemed nervous, until he looked back up at you, “I don’t think this is the best place for this conversation”

“No, Yongbok, if you’re cutting me out of your life-”

His eyes landed on someone behind you, “I’m sorry. I can’t have this conversation with you right now. I’ll see you later”

“What...?” You watched him walk away, heart sinking.

“Before you say anything, I tried my best!” Hyunjin laughed, and you turned around. He stood with Yeonjun, snacks in hand, smiling wide. 

“Tried your best on what?” You asked, a lump in your throat after that entire conversation.

“There were way too many candies at the stall. I didn’t even know there’s that many flavours of gummy bears” Hyunjin noted, and then extended a packet towards you, “So I got you guys a mix of them”

“Oh...thank you” You fought a smile, following them back to the truck. Yuqi had spread out all of the blankets, to make enough space for the four of you in the back.

“That’s perfect” Yuqi reached out, taking the pack of candy from Hyunjin, “A gummy bear orgy is just what we need”

“Gross” Yeonjun sniffled, climbing into the truck, crawling over to get comfortable.

You grabbed the tub of popcorn, balancing it on your lap so Hyunjin could hop into the back too. He slid in next to you, pressing you to the side, and you pulled the blanket over yourselves. 

“Are you comfortable?” He glanced at you, leaning into your ear to talk because the movie had already began.

“Yeah” You manoeuvred your legs over his, entangling them. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you closer, and it was easier to forgot about the conversation with Felix with his arms around you.

He smiled, dimples appearing, “Warm enough?”

“Yeah” You smiled, not wanting to ruin yet another night, “Don’t worry about it”

“The movie’s starting guys, save the pillow talk for later!” Yuqi whisper-yelled, leaning over to look at you.

“Okay, okay” You laughed, bringing your knees up to your chest, letting yourself get comfortable.

“Is the opening scary?” Hyunjin whispered in your ear to not disturb the others.

“A bit”

“Man” He mumbled, sinking deeper into the blanket, and it was cute how he tried to make himself smaller, “I’m definitely going to embarrass myself tonight”

“Why?” You laughed.

“I might scream” He mumbled, as onscreen a girl went out for a late night swim, while her boyfriend stayed on the beach. You, of course, knew what was coming next. 

“You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel better” You told Hyunjin, and he glanced at you, wondering if you were being serious.

“Are you making fun of me already?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“Of course not” You smiled, reaching over to grab his hand, pulling it into your lap. 

“Is the shark gonna come now?” Hyunjin tensed up, as the music in the movie got louder, and he squint his eyes, preparing himself for a jump-scare. 

He squeezed the life out of your hand when the shark attached the girl. You watched with bated breath, as people in the drive-in theater started cheering, making you laugh. He was focused on the film with unparalleled focus, even though he pretended he hated it.

“You’re so fucking cute” You blurted, already feeling so much better, mid-way through the movie.

He looked at you, eyes still narrowed, “You’re enjoying my misery”

You laughed, “I am, but only because you look adorable” 

He pouted, eyes wide, “Why did I want to do this again?”

“Because you’re the sweetest boy in the world” You hummed, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but you couldn’t, not here. Instead, you settled for staring at his plush lips.

It seemed like he was thinking of the same thing, because his gaze dropped to your lips, and he mumbled, “Y/N…We can’t. Not here…”

You were in public, surrounded by tons of families, and Hyunjin couldn’t engage in PDA like this, ever. After everything that was happening with Chan and Jisung, he couldn’t risk anything of this sort.

“Sorry” You bit your lip, moving back.

His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at you, “It’s fine. We just…have to be careful about this”

This. He acknowledged it, and that made you happier than you thought it would.

It wasn’t just mistakes, or built-up tension, or lust that had pulled you two together.

It was purposeful.

And you had to be careful about it now.

You felt lost in his daze, “Can I come over after this?”

“Actually. Could I come to your place instead?”

“Oh, of course”

“My place is just a mess” He laughed.

“I don’t really care. We can still go—”

“Let’s just meet at yours” He insisted.

“Of course” You settled back, a little confused.

You tried to focus on the movie, and you almost did, for a good five minutes before Hyunjin spoke up again, “It’s not that I don’t want—”

“Can you pass me the pop soda, Hyunjin? This fucking kernel is stuck in my throat, and it feels like I'm deepthro-” 

“Yuqi!” You interrupted her, “Why would you put that image in my head?”

She laughed “Just give me the soda, please”

Hyunjin blinked, looking back at her, “Shit. We… forgot to get that”

Her eyes widened, disappointing flashing through, “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go get some”

She stood up, the truck creaking under the sudden weight.

Hyunjin sat up too, pushing the blanket off himself, inviting cold air onto your legs, “No, that’s okay. I’m the one who forgot. You’ll miss the movie”

She shook her head, “I’ve seen it before. I’ll come with you, I’m already up” 

Hyunjin shot you a smile, “See you in a bit”

You nodded, watching them walk off, hurrying towards the food stands, so they didn’t interrupt the other cars' views.

Yeonjun bit into the leftovers popcorn, shifting closer to you, “More for us”

“You’re right” You laughed, reaching into the tub to eat some.

“Are you having a good time?” He asked.

You smiled, “Yeah. I am. How are you feeling now?”

“Yuqi’s a good distraction” He laughed, “She’s been taking care of me”

“She’s amazing”

“Can I ask why we’re here?”

“What do you mean?”

He laughed, gesturing to the drive-in theater, “I mean, you haven’t come here in ages, and then Hyunjin bugs us about doing a movie night literally the next day…even though he clearly hates the movie playing”

You stretched your feet out, “Yeah. We’re…checking off a list”

“A list?”

“Of stuff I love about Daejon. He thinks it’ll help me feel better”

“I don’t understand why you two don’t just…date” He laughed.

“It’s impossible, Jun” You bit your lip, “Especially right now”

“Yeah. I know” Yeonjun spoke, “Did he tell you what happened with Jisung? There’s going to be some big lawsuit, I heard, against the company”

“What?” Your head snapped to his, “Did he tell you that?”

“Some of my friends at work were discussing it, when I was on the video call earlier. Hyunjin didn’t tell you?”

“No…he didn’t mention that”

Yeonjun sighed, “It’s probably really shitty for him, to watch his friend go through that”

“I can’t even imagine what Jisung would be feeling” You stared at the screen, zoning out of the movie already, even though it was gearing up towards some of the iconic scenes.

“What’s taking them so long?” He wondered, “They’re missing the best parts”

You glanced around, but you couldn’t spot them anywhere, “They must be on their way. Are you missing your emotional support Yuqi?”

He rolled his eyes, “As if you aren’t missing your emotional support Hyunjin”

You laughed, “I can go check. Maybe they’re picking gummy bears again”

You made your way through the cars, as the movie continued playing in the background. 

Yuqi was walking back to you, soda in her hands. Why was she alone?

You looked around the parking lot, but you couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Hey” She shot you a smile, meeting you in the middle, “I finally got it out of my throat. Man that was so uncomfortable”

You laughed, “You...are so entertaining”

“I know” She grinned, grabbing your arm to lead you to the truck, “Come on, let’s go. I miss my dumbass brother”

“But where’s Hyunjin?” You asked, stopping her.

Yuqi sipped the soda, “Oh, he was right behind me. I’m sure he’s on his way”

“But the two of you went together. Is everything okay?

She glanced at you, but her voice was too cheerful to be authentic, “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be? I'm sure he’s fine”

Why did it feel like she was hiding something from you?

You narrowed your eyes, “Yuqi...tell me the truth, please”

She sighed, “He said he’ll join us in a minute. He told me to go back to the truck! Why would I question him?”

“You go back to the truck. I’ll go wait for Hyunjin” You dropped your arm from her grip, walking back over to the food stands. 

“Wait!” Yuqi made a noise resembling a grumble, and ran after you.

What if he got a call from the city, what if he wasn’t okay?

He wouldn’t just walk out of the movie like that.

The noise of the film carried across the entire area, and it was so loud now, the music swelling and escalating as the film geared towards another jump-scare. 

Frightful and excited cheers echoed through the parking lot, and your heart was pounding, from the bass of the speakers, and from the fear of not seeing him anywhere.

Where could he have gone?

You turned the corner from the dumpling stall, looking over towards the restrooms but the line stretched long, and he wasn’t there either.

You turned around to her, “Did he seem okay?”

Yuqi was cursing, wiping her shirt, “Fuck, I spilled my soda!”

You stepped forward, voice softening, “I’ll get us tissues on the way back, but Yuqi...was Hyunjin oka-”

Then you heard him.

Towards the exit, under the huge drive-in sign, were two silhouettes.

Hyunjin and Yongbok.

You were so far away, but you could see that they were in a heated discussion, of some kind.

“Do you know what that’s about?” You asked her, a lump rising in your throat.

Her eyes were wide, and she shook her head, “No, but Hyunjin told me—”

“They’re arguing...”

“Y/N, let’s just go back” Yuqi spoke, pulling at your arm.

You’d never seen Hyunjin like this. He seemed so overwhelmed, hand over his face as Yongbok talked to him about something.

You pulled your arm away from her grip, walking over to them, and they were so engrossed that they didn’t even notice you coming.

“When the hell are you gonna tell her?” Yongbok was saying, “After you were already gone-?”

“Yongbok” Hyunjin mumbled, breathing into his hands, “Please... try to understand”

He grit his teeth, “I don’t have to understand shit, Hyunjin” 

“What is going on?” You asked, but your voice came out shaky and you thought you’d cry. 

What the hell were they talking about?

You felt sick to the stomach, as they turned to you, like they’d been caught...

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “Y/N”

You stepped closer, footsteps steady despite the absolute storm brewing inside your heart, “Tell me what...? Is everything okay, Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin looked defeated, as he stepped over to you, “I need to talk to you”

»»————-

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@thebelljug @lovhyunj @imthecuteanimal @caratinylyfe​​ @princess-kayleigh​​ @lovelyyyou​​ @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam​​ @murderyoursoul​​ @hyuneluvbot​​@hyunjinslovelys​​ @danyxthirstae01​​ @jamaisvu97 @lixvs​​  @lcvryu​​ @seungly​​  @hyuka-luvbot​​ @neochaeryeong​​ @xa21x​​ @mel-the-mad-hatter​​ @jellyjelly605 @beaann​​ @sadbixth11 @tae-kook-lover​​ @hyunzales29​​ @hyunhanji @imhyvnjin​​ @hyynee​​ @xpressomarstini​​ @hyyuniverse​​ @tulips4u​​ @kibblesnbites​​ @natskilou

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#hyunjin x reader #hyunjin imagines #friends to lovers #hyunjin fics #skz x reader #smut #angst #fluff #series #skz fics #star lost with you #hwang hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x you

[sweaterweatherever]

getting ur hands dirty is UNREAL waiting patiently for pt2 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

Something in the water (Ajax Petropolus x Reader)

Pairing: Ajax Petropolus x AFAB reader

Warnings: Body related insecurities. Maybe peer pressure? Oral sex (Female receiving) Vaginal protected sex. Hand kink. Exhibitionism. If you catch the title reference, you get a prize! AGED UP CHARACTERS

Requested: Yes. So many times. Can be read as a stand alone!

A/N: Inspired by this Ajax quote: “We have roof parties, campouts, the occasional midnight skinny-dip. And Yoko’s an amateur mixologist. She makes a killer virgin mojito." → I think we all focused on the wrong part. Let me fix it for you.

“Do you really want to do this?” Ajax asks, holding your hand in his. You felt cold all over, and not only because it was like two am, and you were standing in the deck in nothing more than a shirt and a pair of sweats. “Because we don’t have to. We can just… Ditch them.”

“Xavier would be so mad.” You answer, quickly pulling off your shirt. “I already missed the one you guys had when we became members, saying I was on my period. He is an artist, he wouldn’t get it. He thinks all bodies are beautiful.”

“I think you give him less credit than he deserves. Xavier would understand you are insecure about your body.” Ajax pulled his shirt off, quickly following it with his pants. “And if you don’t want to tell him, we could just say we couldn’t keep our hands from each other.”

You, still in your bra and pants, gave him a look.

“I don’t want them to think about us fucking like bunnies, Jax. Besides, if I told him, Xavier would encourage me even more to do this. To him, nudity is freeing or some bullshit.”

“I think they already do.” Ajax answered, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. “Now, if you are set on this, remember you can back out at any time and I think your body is beautiful, just like all of you.”

“Good for you.” You answered, taking out your pants. This was possibly the craziest thing you had ever done. You were celebrating Enid and Wednesday becoming full-time members of the Nightshades. Why was the celebration skinny-dipping? Well, you weren’t certain. The tradition had been there long before you had become a member, and you had avoided the party that time. Xavier and Ajax had done it, though, and loved the experience. Apparently, being naked with your bestie was very freeing. Or that had been what the boys had told you. You had never told anybody why, until Ajax noticed you getting increasingly anxious when Enid decided to pledge and forced Wednesday to do it too.

He had asked then, but your input was a mere confirmation. Ajax had noticed you didn’t like to take off your clothes during sex, that you tried to cover yourself with sheets or turn off the light. That you loved his room, not only because he didn’t have a roommate, but because you avoided mirrors.

“You guys ready?” Bianca shouted, already in the water. Sirens, you thought fondly, willing to do anything to get in the water. Even celebrate the admission of her freenemie into a secret society.

“Coming!” You grabbed Ajax hand and pushed him forward. Both of you were in your underwear, and you felt the need to cover your body once more, or at least, hide behind him.

“Are you sure?” Ajax repeated, insistently. It was cute that he cared so much, but if you kept talking about it, you would lose your nerve.

“Ajax, get in the fucking water, or I will drown you myself.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Xavier cheekily said, appearing behind some bushes. You tried not to look, but you were curious to know if he was already naked. You looked down. Yep. He was. Xavier caught your staring and turned around slowly, smirking the whole time. At that moment, you prayed to whichever god there was to just open up the earth and swallow you whole. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen.

“You wish, Thorpe. Back off, I saw her first.” You didn’t need to look at Ajax to know he was glowering at Xavier.

Xavier raised his hands in surrender.

“If you want to get technical, she was my friend before I introduced you.” Then, stepping closer to you and giving you a wink. “Come on, underwear off. We have to get in the water before your boyfriend here stones me.”

You took your bra off, one hand coming to cover your nipples as much as you could. Then you went for your panties, surprised when you felt another pair of hands gripping your hips and helping you get out of your underwear.

“Use both of your hands.” Ajax lightly stroked your hipbone, in a motion that was so comforting it could not come from jealousy. Something was off. “I don’t want Xavier here looking more than necessary.” You suppressed a smile. He wasn’t jealous of Xavier, he was just playing the possessive boyfriend, so you could keep your body more covered. It was so sweet you wanted to cry.

As soon as Ajax got the panties off you, and you kicked them away, Xavier grabbed your hand and ran towards the water. Resistance was futile. You didn’t even have time to think before his freakishly long legs were forcing you too to run if you didn’t want to fall face first on the deck and get dragged.

“Sorry, too slow, Petropolus. I’m stealing your girl!” And without you could even feel self-conscious, Xavier was jumping in the water and pulling you along with him.

The shock of the cold water against your naked body almost made you scream. Bianca cheered, as did Enid when she, too, took her plunge. You resurfaced to the grinning face of Xavier, hair sticking to his face and making him look like he had been attacked by some white and golden kelp.

“That was amazing.” And before he could gloat too much, Ajax got into the water and started trying to pull him under, much to Xavier’s glee. You laughed.

“Boys.” Divina said, rolling her eyes next to you. She was watching her brother lazily do laps around the lake, trying to get Bianca to race him.

“Only Yoko and Wednesday are missing.” You answered, a little more at ease now that your body wasn’t on display. It was a beautiful night. The sky was clear enough that the stars and the moon reflected on the lake, making it seem like you were walking between them. The motions and waves made by the boys made it so the images rippled, giving the water a gorgeous shine. You felt like you were swimming in glitter.

“We are right here.” Wednesday said, getting slowly into the water, whole body shivering. Yoko, more practical, just jumped in.

“You should just go for it.” Enid suggested, swimming towards you. “That way, you get used to it.”

“I like the pain.” Wednesday glowered. “Don’t cut my fun short.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. Of course, Wednesday was the kind of person to enjoy getting slowly into the water.

“You know, this is kind of nice.” You said, reclining against the deck and watching how Xavier was splashing water at Ajax. They were just like little kids, really.

“It really is.” Enid sighed happily, and you turned to smile at her, losing sight of the boys.

“What is?” You jumped at Ajax voice. He was swimming towards you, Xavier hot on his heels.

“No rough housing near me!” You warned, placing your hands in front of you.

“Oh, babe. You wound me, really. How could you think such things about us?” and with a grin, Ajax was grabbing your waist, and pulling you deeper into the water. You kicked at him, trying to get away and just managing to do so, before you collided with Xavier, who started splashing at you.

So, you did the logical, totally mature thing and splashed him back. Ajax plastered himself at your back, running a hand against your ribs. Your breath hitched. There was something about the casual way he was holding you, bodies flush with each other, hand slowly dragging upwards against your torso. It seemed more intentional than casual, for sure. Ajax knew all about what his hands did to you, in detail. And this way of holding you, making sure to spread his hand against your torso, so you could feel each one of his fingers and rings, cold against your skin where his hand was hot, couldn’t be an accident.

You turned a little, to look at him.

“Let’s not flash Xavier.” He said, other hand coming to cover your breasts. His forearm was over your boobs, covering your nipples, and his hand was cupping your left boob. Taking advantage of the water, Ajax pulled you, with the same arm, closer to him. Xavier laughed.

Feeling a little more safe now, knowing Xavier wasn’t going to get an eyeful of your naked body, you lifted yourself some more and kissed him. Ajax smiled into the kiss, hands grasping possessively on your skin.

“Oh my god, yeah. I’m out. Fuck, I need a girlfriend. I shouldn’t be feeling like the third wheel when I was the one that introduced you.” Xavier complained, but you paid him no mind, choosing instead to turn in Ajax’s grasp, so you could kiss him more passionately.

“He is so mad, I bet we could get away with just disappearing.” Ajax muttered to you, and you felt all your previous arousal vanish.

“So you are just doing this to rile Xavier up?” You asked, frowning.

“Shit, that sounded bad, didn’t it?” One of his hands went to rub soothingly at your back. “I wanted to rile you up, too.”

You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“Umm, what I meant was… I don’t get you to see you like this so often and maybe, maybe, I wanted to take advantage of it somewhere else? So, I was riling Xavier up, just so he would leave us alone and we could…”

“See me like this?”

“Naked.” Ajax clarified, and the hand on your ribs lifted just enough, so it was cupping your breast. Your mouth opened, lips parted in a confused moan.

“We shouldn’t.” But Ajax’s hand was leaving your breast, slowly dragging the heel of it over your nipple, making a path towards your throat. Your eyes closed. Ajax was once again exploiting your hand kink and it showed. “This is unfair.” You protested, but it was weak at best. His hand grasped at your jaw, thumb brushing your chin.

“Come here.” He says, and grabs your hand in his. “Keep quiet and follow me.”

You obey him. Out of the two of you, Ajax is the stronger swimmer and the one who knows the lake better. You follow his lead, stepping where he does, quiet as a mouse. Slowly, very slowly, he gets you beneath the dock. The others do not realize, too busy watching how Enid is trying to force Wednesday to play some game or another.

It is dark and far enough your friends won’t be able to see you if they look quickly, but not far enough that they wouldn’t hear you moan. Here, the water only comes to your waist, and the cold from the night is making its presence known already, making your nipples harden and your whole body tremble.

“Oh, poor thing. You are cold.” Ajax says, and pulls you closer to him, starting to rub vigorously at your arms and shoulders. “Let me warm you up.” You glower at him, knowing he is about to play what turned out to be his favorite trump card. He is rubbing at your arms, fingers extended, rings digging a little at your flesh.

Before allowing him to win that easily, you decide to take matters on your own hands, looping them behind his neck and pressing a kiss to his jaw. Now Ajax is the one trembling. He might like to play all confident, but you know him. In the end, Ajax always melts.

Because you have to press to your advantage before he can react, you get bolder, one hand going to his erection. Ajax closes his eyes, resting his forehead on top of your head.

“Fuck.” Ajax's breath comes in sharp little gasps.

“I hope you got a condom somewhere.” You frown at him, lightly running your nails against his shaft. “We are not polluting the water.”

Ajax reaches up a little, going on his tip toes to tug something from between the wooden boards. A tiny, silver package. He gives you a silly grin, and your mouth opens and closes out of its own accord. You can help but giggle.

“You planned this!” You accuse, pressing a kiss to his throat.

“Maybe.” And you are so head over heels for him, you can’t help but want to kiss the smile on his face. You do, feeling the small puffs of air from his laughter interrupt the kiss.

“Enough.” You say, pushing him away lightly. You feel giddy, but still want to hold your ground. “I’m still not fully sold on this.”

“Okay.” Ajax blinks, hands immediately leaving your body. “Is this a we are not doing this because I’m uncomfortable? Or we are not doing this because I’m not aroused enough and don’t think this could be hot?” He puts space between you two, biting his lips. His brows are furrowed, and you suddenly understand why he is so worried. This thing of yours, it is still new. Ajax is having trouble with finding his footing, and so do you. You aren’t sure yet how much of each other's bodies you are allowed to touch, for what you need to ask permission and what is a given. He has always been careful, so careful, even your first time. Ajax is always asking and worrying about not forcing you into anything.

“Second one. You are not doing anything bad, I’m consenting.” You pull him closer, hugging him and hiding your face in his shoulder.

“Okay.” Ajax hides his face in your hair, inhaling deeply and pausing for a minute, like he is regaining his courage.“Yeah, I can work with that.” He presses a kiss to your forehead, arms coming to wrap around your waist. Then, he drops to his knees in front of you.

“Ajax.” You warn, but he doesn’t listen. He is pressing kisses to your stomach, and you desperately want to pull him up because you had never let him do this before, despite him offering. But you don’t because you are also curious. About how it could feel, how your body would react. And you trusted him, after all, you were friends first. “The guys….”

“Won’t see anything. If you keep quiet, they won’t suspect a thing.” He is right about that, you thought the same thing before. The way he is leaving open-mouthed kisses around your belly button is making it hard for you to think straight. His perfect, big hands are grasping at your ass, steadying you and kneading at the flesh there. Ajax’s kisses go lower and lower, making you squirm. This is a bad idea, you know it, but you find it hard to care with the way he is mouthing at your thighs. Ajax spreads your legs a little, talented hands grabbing at your inner thighs. He licks you, from perineum to clit, and your first thought is that it is warm. The second is that it feels good, and you are a fool for not accepting before. You sigh, trying to keep quiet, but unable to do so when he decides to get curious, taking your clit between his lips. This time, your groan is loud, loud enough so Ajax pulls away, looking quickly at your friends. They don’t notice, too busy laughing at something or other. You know by now they have to have figured you two ditched them, but not to where. If they get out of the water and see your clothes, all bets are off. They would realize you never left the lake, and you would be ridiculed forever.

“You have to keep quiet.” Ajax repeats. Then, he noses at your clit. “Like this?” Feeling the vibrations against your sensitive pussy almost make you scream, so you bite your lips instead. You grasp at his shoulders, nails digging in, and try to convey your feeling about it. Ajax snickers, surely able to feel how your legs tense. His tongue presses deeper, aiding himself with one of his hands to keep you open, spreading your lips. It makes you stumble a little, kicking at the water and making some splashes. You are too winded already, and you know if it were not for the way he is grasping at your thighs, you would be in the water already. “Shit.” Ajax says, tensing between your legs. “Are they looking?”

And sure enough, you hear Bianca’s voice ask if anyone else heard the splashes, with Divina answering it must be the canoes moving with the wind. If you don’t hurry, you are going to get caught, you are already pushing your luck.

“Okay.” You say, trying to pull him up. “I want your cock now.” You blush a little, because it comes out way more demanding than you thought it would, but Ajax only gives a muffled laugh, getting up and kissing you. You can taste yourself on him, smell it even, and it gets you even wetter. He turns you around, peppering your shoulders and back with kisses.

You can feel his erection pressing against your back, closer as you are. You throw your head back, resting it on his shoulder. Quick as lighting, one of his hands goes to your throat, thumb pressing against your lips in an insistent manner. Ajax seems to have a thing for your mouth, and today is no exception.

“Figured…” You hear the tell-tale sound of a condom getting opened and rolled, and you wonder a little how much practice does he have to be able to do it one-handed. Ajax doesn’t lose any time, lining himself up, blunt head pressing at your entrance. You groan, and he takes the opportunity to slip his finger inside your mouth. “Ah… You might need some help keeping quiet…” Ajax says, and thrusts in. His hand muffles your moan. He waits for you to adjust, and when you start rocking your hips against his, Ajax starts fucking you in earnest. He whimpers, muffling the sound against your neck.

You try to suck on his thumb, but he is pounding at you hard and fast, in a way that’s not designed to make this last. He seems to be in a time crutch to bring you to the edge as efficient and brutally as possible. Ajax knows as well as you do that you are running out of time. His free hand drops to your clit, rubbing quick circles around it. He is pulling on all the tricks, all the weak spots he has memorized from exploring your body. Your hips buck and you almost bite the finger in your mouth. You make a conscious effort to relax your body, unclenching your jaw enough, so you can suck at his thumb without biting him. You would like to do more, but Ajax is holding you in a way that doesn’t allow it.

Instead of complaining, you work with what you have. Your hips meet his, thrust for thrust. The pleasure gets too much, too soon, making you cry out weakly. Ajax pulls his thumb away and replaces it with his index and middle finger, starting to fuck your mouth too, rings glinting in the low light. That, combined with the way he is rubbing at your clit, sends you over the edge.

Ajax does a valiant effort of fucking you through it, but the way you are clenching around him proves to be too much. He comes too, biting at your shoulder to keep himself from screaming.

Too caught up on your little bubble, you had lost track of your friends. When you hear steps on the dock, you look back to the lake, panic bubbling in your throat. You turn to look at Ajax, eyes wide. Your panicked look is perfectly mirrored by him. Your friends aren’t in the lake, they are in the dock instead. Which means, any moment from now…

“Oh for fuck's sake, these two were fucking here!” Xavier screams, right above you.

#ajax petropolus smut #wednesday 2022 #my writing #wednesday netflix #ajax petropulus x you #ajax petropulus x y/n #ajax petropolis x reader #ajax x fem reader #ajax petropolus x reader #ajax x you #ajax x reader #ajax x y/n #ajax petropolus #cant stop thinking about the spelling anon #ajax wednesday #xavier thorpe #wednesday addams #enid sinclair #bianca barclay #divina fisher #kent fisher #yoko wednesday

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 1: You Shouldn't Have Answered The Door

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter one of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 3.6K

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing (once or twice), Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC,

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Masterlist

Chapter 2

******************************************

Present Day

Your head rests against your forearms on your desk, jerking upwards as a loud rhythmic knocking assaults the front door of your apartment.

What?

You think to yourself, rubbing your face with your hands. Your sketchpad was laid open on your desk beneath your head, the rough sketch of an egret bowing its head along the bank of a small pond splayed over the page in shades of gray. It would be the first in your new series of nature paintings that you would be unveiling in a month.

At least I didn't poke my eye out with the pencil. You think eyeing the sharpened point of the pencil that was dangerously close to your face a few seconds ago.

You turn your wrist to glance at your watch and note the time. It was an antique, square faced and strung on a simple black band, a reminder of a past life that you couldn't bear to part with.

Who would come see me at 8:00 am on a Monday?

For a minute you try to remember if you'd received a call from the curator of the gallery downtown, or if there had been a meeting or a lunch with your agent to discuss your next installment of work, but nothing comes to mind.

When you officially retired from being a hero you decided to become a full time artist, a hobby you had since you were a child. You hadn't expected it explode. You had enough money from your heroing career to live several lifetimes, not unwelcome given the fact that you couldn't die, not in the traditional sense at least, so art was supposed to just be a way for you to off steam. But you were happy with your life now, a lot happier than you had been when you were a hero on Payback. The thought of your previous employment with Vought sours in your mouth followed by the unavoidable thought of Ben that you push down with a well practiced sigh.

You didn't feel like reliving all that over again right now, though you knew it would probably happen later. It came in waves, especially at night when you found it difficult to sleep, the melatonin wasn't working, and all you really wanted was a hard drink.

Sobriety sucked.

The knocking persists, rattling around in your head like a bee trying to get out of a plastic cup.

"Fine. I'm coming." You shout standing up from your desk and making your way from the wall that serves as your studio towards the front door of your apartment, while trying to rub away the line the page made on your cheek.

Your apartment was the one extravagance you allowed yourself. Despite the amount of money you had, flashing it had never been a priority even in your hero days. The apartment was open concept with exposed brick walls, tall North facing windows that angled away from the inside and jutted outward over a raised wooden floored area that served as your studio. A large modern kitchen sat just to the right of the front door with stainless steel appliances, on another wall a tv hung above a leather couch and held a dark hallway that lead to your bedroom and the guest bedroom, the other walls were covered in your work, and the final wall held several bookshelves with art supplies and your vinyl record collection. A collection you started forever ago and that continued to grow with each passing year.

Need to get another bookshelf. You note looking at the limited space that remained.

You look through the peep hole in the solid metal apartment door. A tall dark haired man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a black duster and a thin younger guy with brown curly hair stare back at you.

"I don't want to buy any girl scout cookies." You shout through the heavy metal of the door.

The younger guy snorts.

"y/f/n y/l/n?" The dark haired man asks an accent tilting the ends of his words.

"Who's asking?"

He pulls out a badge, holding it up to the peep hole. "I'm Agent Butcher, this is Agent Campbell. We’re from the CIA, here to ask you a couple of questions about Soldier Boy."

At the mention of Ben's hero name you pause. You had avoided thinking about your former best friend as much as possible over the past forty years. Your relationship with Ben was complicated, the final few days you spent together even more complicated than the early years.

It hurt to compare what your life with him was like before you both became supes to the life you had together after. You had grown up together, forced into close proximity because your parents were friends and then became best friends yourselves. You stayed friends, before you both got injected with Compound V and a few years later moved on to Payback together. You were the only person able to keep Ben in check and as violent as his temper was, he didn't like to cross you. You were the only person who knew the real him, had been with him longer than anyone else. Not that he ever admitted that to you or admitted that he cared about you, but you thought somewhere deep down that he had to, felt at least something for you.

That was the problem. You were in love with him, cared deeply about him, cared more about him than anyone else you'd ever had in your life. On the night you finally slept together you were happy, you thought he felt the same way, and then the next day at his premiere you found him in the bathroom with Countess bent over a sink. The fight that followed had been your resignation from Payback and also the reason why you weren't there when Ben died.

Your jaw clenches together at the memory, followed by guilt. You were always there for him, you had his back just as he had yours, but the one time you hadn't been there-

You open the door to look at them. "The singer?"

"What?" Agent Butcher looks confused.

"The artist? Soulja Boy-" You arch a brow feigning confusion. "Because honestly I don't understand why the CIA would be asking me about that."

“No.” Agent Butcher holds up a photo.

You keep your face impassive. It’s a photo of Ben and you at a movie premiere the week before he left to go to Nicaragua. Both of you were standing in your supe suits, your own was a sleeveless black one piece suit with purple embellishments that traced from the sides of your ankles and stretched up under your armpits, while a dark hood covered your head and a black mask hid the bottom of your face. You always thought you looked more like a supervillain in it, but you were thankful that it hid your identity. It was so long ago, but you still remember that night clearly. The ridiculous movie, the afterparty where everyone was so tipsy and the smell of alcohol burned against your nose, and finally when you went to the bathroom and found Ben and Countess together, the immeasurable rage followed by heartbreak that you felt when you saw them.  Not to mention the fight that followed when Ben trampled all over your heart and stated that you meant nothing to him.

“You’re here to talk to me about my mom?” You flit your eyes back to the two men standing in the doorway, easily slipping into the lie that you and Legend invented.

“Your mom?” Agent Campbell looks confused.

“Yeah. Indigo? I mean y’all can come in if you want-“ You open the door wider, understanding that they won't leave, before you begin to move towards the kitchen. “I apologize in advance. I’m not quite myself, I was up late working.” You pause halfway into the kitchen. “I’m going to make some coffee, you guys want some?” You eye the man in the black coat. "Or tea?"

“Coffee is fine."

You find the coffee filters and shuffle through the cupboards to find a bag of coffee, still trying to wake up. Staying up late wasn't unusual for you. You tended to find the urge to create in the wee hours of the morning, not to mention everything that happened in the past kept you up.

You open the bag of coffee to smell the grounds, thinking that it will wake you up, but as soon as you do the smell of Agent Butcher and Agent Campbell washes over you.

You could smell the compound V in their veins pumping through their bodies with every beat of their hearts.

So, they're supes. You think to yourself, pouring the grounds into the coffeemaker. Which means they probably aren't from the CIA.

Despite the realization, you weren't worried. Your particular ability was a well-kept secret, a secret that only Ben knew despite you being on Payback. Stan Edgar and the others had believed that "Indigo," the hero name assigned to you, had enhanced strength and senses, but it was more than that. You had an ability that, if brought to the public, would probably land you in a government facility. Laying low had it's perks, your freedom was one of them.

You watch them begin to walk around your living room examining the artifacts of your new life, the one you crafted when everything fell apart. There wasn't anything in the living room to arouse suspicion that you were the original Indigo. The only remnants of your past life that remained were in a wooden trunk at the back of your walk in closet, hidden behind a collection of paint splattered overalls almost identical to the pair you were wearing right now.

"You've got a nice place." The younger guy says looking around.

"Thanks. It's rent controlled. I got lucky-" You fiddle with the coffeemaker to buy yourself some time.

Why were they here to ask me about Ben? It had been 40 years, hardly seems relevant now. And why were they pretending to be CIA?

"You're an artist?" Agent Butcher asks, staring at the canvas sitting on an easel by your desk. It was a collection of multicolored dark greens that swirled together, flecked with pieces of gold that shone in the brilliant sunlight from the wall of windows where your studio was.

"Yeah. And I tend to paint my best at night. Hence the coffee" You turn, placing your hands on the island to face the two men.

“You’re really good.” Agent Campbell says examining some of the canvases on the wall.

“Thanks.”

“So your mum eh?” Agent Butcher turns to look at you. You note the smirk on his face and incredulous raising of his brow.

He doesn't believe me. Hard not to. I don't age.

“Yes?” You raise an eyebrow to challenge him

“You look a lot like her.”

“Thanks. I think there’s a compliment in there somewhere.” You look from Butcher to the younger guy who has moved on to look at your vinyl collection. "And I'm pretty sure that most kids look like their parents. But I'm not a geneticist."

"NO WAY! You have a signed copy of Billy Joel's Glass House!" Agent Campbell shouts holding up the vinyl cover in awe.

"Yeah." You can't help but smile at his enthusiasm.

"How did you-“

"Hughie." Agent Butcher sighs.

The younger guy now identified as Hughie puts the record back with a frown, before turning back to the collection.

“But you have the same name.” Agent Butcher's eyes flit to yours.

“She named me after herself. I’m sure the CIA can locate my birth certificate."

“Right.” Agent Butcher smiles, but it’s tight lipped.

You stand there for another minute looking from Agent Butcher to Hughie, trying to think of why they're here. "So what do you want to know?”

“Well is your mum around-“

You allow your shoulders to droop and take in a shaky breath. "She died about a year ago. Cancer."

They weren't the first to come here and accuse you of being Indigo. Legend and you had come up with the farce to protect you, help you start over, but you hadn't wanted to part with your name. So other precautions were put in place: a funeral plot was purchased and a death certificate was issued as was a fake passport, I.D, and birth certificate that made you thirty two rather than over one hundred.

“Really? I thought Indigo-“ It’s enough to make Hughie turn around and look at you.

“Don’t read everything Vought says." You interrupt. "That experimental shit they put in her veins may have made her powerful, but it couldn’t protect her from that.” You sigh again to sell the lie, before turning to the coffee maker, to pour them and yourself a cup. "There should be some milk in there, sugar's in the bowl." You gesture to the refrigerator and the small blown glass sugar bowl on the counter next to the coffee maker.

Hughie moves into the kitchen to pour himself a cup, but Agent Butcher continues to eye you suspiciously.

“It wasn’t in the news.” He grunts.

“They covered it up pretty well. I mean do you blame them? One of the first supes gets killed by something like cancer. Can’t be good for Vought given they pride themselves on showcasing unstoppable heroes. I mean can you imagine if Homelander or Queen Maeve died of something like cancer? Doesn’t look good.” You shrug your shoulders and take a sip from the coffee in your hands. “What did you want to talk to her about?”

“Soldier Boy.” Butcher moves to the coffeemaker and it takes a strong amount of willpower to stop the urge to turn towards him, but you know that you need to act indifferent.

“Did she talk to you at all about him?” Hughie moves to one of the bar stools on the opposite side of the island with his coffee in front of him.

“Yeah.” You look down at the mug with a sigh, rolling the warm glass between your hands. “He really did a number on her. Plus towards the end she started seeing him everywhere."

The emotion that you summon is not fake. You allow a small amount to trickle over the dam you built to protect yourself from falling back into the pit you fell into when Ben broke your heart and then died. When you broke every piece of glass in your apartment and threw your couch through the wall.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Hughie looks sincere when he says it.

Why is someone like him hanging out with this guy? You think to yourself eyeing Agent Butcher again.

“It’s been hard. But I took care of her, sometimes it was only me. It’s kind of hard to restrain an 103 year old with super strength.” You smile to yourself at the joke.

“So you’re a supe?” Hughie takes a sip from his coffee mug.

“No I was just able to talk her down. Guess that first batch of Compound V doesn’t work the same way. Never transferred. Plus my dad wasn’t a supe so maybe it just diluted.” You shrug, the lies weaving easily through the air. 

“But she did talk to you about him?” Agent Butcher presses. He's leaning against the counter to your left.

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“I mean what do you want to hear? There’s a lot.” The mug sends a pleasant warmth through your hands as you hold it, but does little to stop the chill of the past from creeping up your spine.

“Start at the beginning.”

“Well.” You take another sip of coffee. “I don’t know details-details but- I just know that she grew up with him, they were from the same neighborhood in Philadelphia.  All that shit they made up about Soldier Boy being from a poor family was just propaganda. His dad owned half the steel mills in the state of Pennsylvania. Used to invest in property with my grandfather. Soldier Boy and my mom were friends. When he got the Compound V shot, she did too. They were looking for female and male volunteers. I think he asked her to? Or-“ You shrug your shoulders to push away the memory of the day Ben told you about the experiments. When he told you he was finally going to make something of himself and convinced you to go with him.

“They were dating?” Agent Butcher asks.

The question makes you pause. It was difficult to think about that, difficult to relive the memories of Ben continuing to push you away and his final refusal to admit he loved you. Ben never did say that to you. You had been through so much together, so many years as friends and then after the night you finally were together he threw you away like you meant nothing.

“No, but he really hurt her-“ You avoid their gaze.

“What did he do?” Hughie asks leaning forward on the counter.

“They had been through a lot together and I think when their friendship began to transfer to relationship he pushed her away. My mother said something about him refusing to admit he loved her. I think the last straw when she caught him with Countess.”

“Do you know anything about how he died?”

The memory of the phone call strikes you in the chest, when Stan Edgar himself called to tell you Ben was dead. When the darkness swallowed you whole and all you felt was guilt and heart break over the fight you had and how you left him alone when he needed you most.

“It hurt my mother a lot. Broke her. She never really got over him, no one was good enough, not even my dad. She drove him away too and then it was just us.”

“Was she there when Soldier Boy died?” Hughie spins the coffee mug in his hands.

“No. She left Payback  before that mission. It was right after she caught Countess and him together.” You force a shrug. “I think she regretted not being there. She was almost as indestructible as him, but I think she felt worse because they had a big fight right before.”

“So she didn’t know about Nicaragua or the thing that killed him?” Agent Butcher raises an eyebrow.

You cock your head to the side feigning confusion. “What are you talking about? Soldier Boy got vaporized in a nuclear explosion.”

“Well I think we’ve wasted enough of your time.”

They get up to leave.

“Wait-“

 Agent Butcher turns to look at you. 

“Why are you asking me about him? It's been what? Forty years since he died-"

"That's classified love. Thank you for your time."

You watch them leave, but listen to them as they walk down the hallway.

“So do you believe her?” Hughie’s voice echoes in your ears.

“Not a bit. Maybe we trail her for a day. See if she really is an artist." Agent Butcher grunts. "At least until we go to Russia."

Russia? Why would they go to Russia?

You stand there for a second, holding the coffee mug in your hands. As you do the memories of the past 90 years wash across your mind, breaking through the damn that you built to protect yourself.

You were friends for years. You loved him since the moment you met. There were good times before the serum and then the bad, when he got famous and you were there to keep him in check. Sure you may have annoyed him, but he liked that about you, that you were able to bring him back from the edge. The day you finally had sex you remembered it, it was special, or you thought it was. You were excited that finally he loved you as much as you loved him. But then it all fell apart. That fight hadn’t been pretty. When you left him you felt yourself begin to slip, you didn’t eat or drink for days and when you finally got the phone call you thought it was him trying to apologize, but it was Stan.

You think again about Russia and finally your mind drifts to Countess.

She was the one that said that the Russians killed Ben, she saw it happen, saw his body get taken away-

Your jaw clenches together in anger and frustration as you remember the last time you saw her, when she taunted you and you almost ripped off her head. You never heard it directly from her that Ben was dead, only heard it from Stan. Of course the ridiculous funeral for Ben that you were expected to go to would mean that you saw her, but you hadn't gone, didn't want to keep up the charade. Instead you went to Philadelphia and walked the streets aimlessly with a bottle of whiskey in your hand, remembering what it was like when you were kids. Sometimes you think it all would have been different if you never got the injection, if you said no when he showed up in your bedroom and asked you to come with him. He was your oldest friend. The only real person you'd ever loved or cared about. The memory of the fight rings in your ears but you push it down.

You think again about Countess.  She was the reason why Ben and you had the fight. The reason you weren't there in Nicaragua. Regret spikes in your chest. You should have been there that day, should have tried to save him. You always had each others backs and the one time you weren't there he died.

Maybe it was time to pay her a visit.

**********************************************

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373

#jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy x female reader #the boys #the boys fanfic #soldier boy #the boys amazon #jensen #soldier boy/ben #soldier boy fic #soldier boy fanfiction #jensen ackles #the boys series #the boys season 3

[fragmentedblade]

Can you expand more on Ratio's philosophical influences? You seem super knowledgeable!

I've been sitting on this for some time because I didn't know what prompted this message and thus I didn't know what to answer and how. I guess it may be the comment I wrote about him having a socratic but also a sophist air?

There are a lot of details in Ratio's overall design that point towards philosophical references. I want to draw attention to the fact that since this is a vague message on anon I don't really know what to focus on or what could I skip because it's information already known, so what I'm going to say is a very brief summary of many ideas, which of course makes such ideas but the shadow of an echo of themselves, so faint they almost become untrue. I fervently advise to look more deeply into any of this if something catches anyone's interest. And I also want to point out that the problem of knowing a little bit of something, even its existence, is that seeing turns to seeking, and an excess of seeing is also a blindness; what I mean by this is that I'm not sure how much of what I am going to say was intentional by the developers/writers and how much is just me suffering the blindness of seeing too much haha

However, I also want to clarify that I do think many of the things I’m going to say are present even if perhaps not intended by the writers/designers. This is due to the fact that Ratio’s main influence is platonism, and platonism is everywhere in western philosophy and in general western culture; once you see it you cannot unsee it. So perhaps I am reading too much or making correlations between things in his design that were not meant to be linked, giving a depth to the character that is probably incidental, but that I would say nonetheless exists because it pertains to a certain philosophical tradition in which the elements stem from each other. I hope this will become clearer in its development if it isn’t right now. 

Ratio has an Apollonian air. At first that and his mask made me wonder if he was going to be linked to the Mourning Actors, who alongside the Masked Fools for now remind me a lot of the Nietzschean Apollonian and Dyonisian dichotomy. This was conjecture on my side so I won't go on about this on this ask.

Ratio retains however the Apollo air. When I saw his splash art he reminded me instantly of the Belvedere Apollo, down to the strap under his chest like the sculpture has the quiver's strap. His sixth eidolon too recalls that sculpture, since it seems to be a mix of the pose in Michelangelo's David with the cloth in the Belvedere Apollo. Among other things, Apollo is a god linked to truth, medicine, archery and divination. The owl seems to be a reference to Athena, though. 

Ratio also has the laurel or bay branch on his head, which is one of Apollo's traits. Laurel on someone's head became linked to victory as well as academic and artistic merit (I know in Italy people still use it when graduating, for instance; I mean, that's where the word comes from). The fact that he has half of it is most likely due to an aesthetic choice, especially given how the character designs are pointedly asymmetric in this game; however, I think it works well with how, no matter how much he achieves and how hard he tries, Ratio is never gazed upon by Nous nor accepted by the Genius Society with the frustration, bitterness and questioning that brings both himself and others.

This last point, being ignored by something akin to a divinity, works also with his Apollonian air, I'd say. Given his Apollo look, his snake-like pupils made me think instantly of Delphi. Delphi was where a temple to Apollo was (linked to a mythological snake, and snakes thus became associated with Apollo in imagery), and it was famous for its prophecies. Socrates (the master of Plato and main figure in his dialogues) is said to have started the habit of questioning he is mostly famous for because a friend of his went to the temple in Delphi and was told by the Oracle that the wisest man in Athens was Socrates. Socrates was perplexed by this because he knew nothing, and started posing questions to supposedly erudite people about the matters about which they were experts, only to come out of that feeling unsatisfied with the answers. Thus, Socrates thought the Oracle may be right after all, but he was only the wisest man because he at least knew that he knew nothing. 

This works very well with Ratio because Socrates starts the journey by being distinguished among his peers, gazed upon, by a god (Apollo was supposed to possess the Pythia, or at the very least the prophetic power came from him), while Ratio never gets that recognition, and seems resigned to that already ("If this day I have not gained the recognition of Nous, it stands to reason that I never will at any point in the future" and "One day, I received a letter from the Interastral Peace Corporation (...). I could tell the solemnity of the invitation, so I excitedly passed it on to Mr. Ratio. Yet, he said nothing. I could sense his heavy silence even through the headgear. He then politely asked me to leave. The moment I closed the door, I heard a grim sigh followed by a self-deprecating laughter... Perhaps he realized he would never be accepted into the Genius Society..."). The mix of arrogance and humbleness, although enhanced in Ratio in a comical degree, is already somewhat present I would argue in the way Socrates talks in Plato's dialogues. Arrogance was also a trait Heraclitus, the author of the line cited in the name of his banner (“Panta rhei”), was famous to have.

So Ratio takes the position at the IPC. The Intelligentsia Guild is "often seen as a vendor of knowledge", and is looked down upon by the Genius Society. This is where I think the philosopher/sophist dichotomy comes in. Sophists were teachers, and were paid. They also were known to use rhetoric to convince (I would say there's a reference to this in one of Ratio's daily messages). In the political landscape of Athens, they were very useful for young men interested in politics. Some sophists became quite rich and famous. Usually philosophers, who didn't receive any money and did everything for the "love of knowledge" itself, looked down on them. At least in the texts of Plato that's often the case, although some sophists are portrayed under a better light even there; btw many of the things I've been saying come from Plato, but since this is an intricate subject on its own that isn’t directly pertinent to the ask I won't dwell on it right now.

Education in ancient Greece consisted of both intellectual and physical training. Intellectual education included music, poetry, mathematics, astronomy,... Physical fitness was held as something very important in a young man's curriculum as well. I think this is where the fanservicey choice of making Ratio so fit and pretty comes from. And I say “pretty” because beauty too is an important concept for Plato, and ancient Greece in general. It is also part of what linked the need of a young man to develop himself both intellectually and physically. Beauty is linked to harmony and order, both on an individual basis and cosmologically, often in some philosophical trends to a mathematical level; pythagoreanism has a lot of this.

Indeed I think pythagoreanism has to do somewhat with Ratio's design, considering his link to mathematics and geometry, and given his name ("Ratio" made me think of the golden ratio and in general pythagorean ratios even before it made me think of "reason" tbh), but in general the main philosophical reference in Ratio seems to be Plato, who was influenced greatly by pythagoreanism; this is one of the perhaps unintended indirect yet present links I mentioned at the beginning.

Platonism is very present in many ways in Ratio. It's noticeable even in his visual design, with how buff and handsome he is, arguably the references to Apollo and Athena, the geometry imagery, and even the sculptures he creates with his technique, but the influence is seen throughout his entire character, story, dialogue lines,... Part IV of Ratio’s character story, the way he talks with Roseth and what he says, has in my opinion an echo of platonic dialogues, as does his line “To spread knowledge, we must first make people realize their folly” recall Socrates. In the Trailblaze mission the main character had to argue for their innocence, which to me brought to mind the Apology of Socrates. On the other hand, the way this was done was very reminiscent of the socratic method, both in the discussion and counterargument mechanic of the game as, and especially so, in the use of memory. The main character had already the knowledge they seeked, yet they had forgotten about it, and had to retrieve it through memory guided by the intense questioning of Ratio; this, if applied to the research of a more essential knowledge instead of circumstantial, is the core of Socrates' maieutics. Maieutics is "midwifery". Socrates called by that word his method because he thought he was helping give birth to truths or knowledge that were already present in people's minds, if forgotten. It's what Ratio's skill, "intellectual midwifery", references. 

The fact that Socrates' method, the "intellectual midwifery" to put it in in HSR terms, works in platonic philosophy is because it is taken that there are eternal truths, something Ratio believes as well (“The beauty of truth is that it never changes, even when no one understands it. Well, that's true for me, at least”). This has to do with what is called the theory of Forms or the theory of Ideas. The world that we see is but the shadow of that other conceptual abstract world, of which we have but forgotten memories and that we can access only with the mind's eye. Our soul once saw/was part of that other world, which is why it can remember it. Plato was influenced by the pythagorean view of a sort of journey or reincarnation of the soul after dying, to put it some way. This is also extensive, it has to do with orphism, is at the core of a lot of philosophical and theological western traditions, and thus I will say only this, even though it feels very close-to-fake simplistic haha. To summarise, there’s the other abstract perfect world of which everything in this world participates from and is but the shadow of (everything beautiful participates on the Idea of Beauty, eternal and inextinguishable, but it’s never as perfect as that Idea, only but its echo). The idea that the world is but the shadow of the other world is present in Ratio's English line when he is ko-ed, "Mere flesh…" (in Chinese, though, if I’ve understood correctly he says “«Mediocre»… hah”, which is very different if still lore-heavy). This of course implies a strong ontological dualism. 

In this sense it is extremely interesting to me that Ratio’s banner is named “Panta rhei”, because Heraclitus is the epitome of the defender that all things were in constant change yet all things are One, the process of “becoming”, the constant struggle, at the core itself of reality (this too is harmony). He was pointedly monist, and is often contrasted to Parmenides, who spoke of eternal unchanging truths and beings. Both are cornerstones in the development of western philosophy and influenced Plato, but the choice calls my attention. In the Japanese wiki the line was linked/took to the buddhist concept of impermanence; while not necessarily related to that, this wiki suggestion made me wonder whether the choice of making “Panta rhei” the name of Ratio’s banner was done to further enhance another aspect of the many parallels between him and Ruan Mei, who also talks about life as something seemingly diverse and changing, hopes to obtain permanence, and talks about a something that transcends the multiple faces of life and that unifies them all (“Life is countless and varied in form. I firmly believe in that. Its beauty is like a myriad of flowers, and I want to pluck the one that never wilts”; “I wish to discover "the true essence of life," something that all individuals possess unknowingly, whether it is the materialism of their existence or an unknown entity beyond corporeal realms”; “The core of all existence is unity”). Even beyond that, in the context of everything else Ratio has going on, the mention of Heraclitus brings very intriguing food for thought to the table; yet I think this may be another instance of things that are, yet were most likely not meant by the writers.

Moving on, I’ll give a quick comment on the more explicit philosophical references we can find in Ratio’s traces, attacks and voicelines, and will dwell a bit only when I think they work well with the subjects and concepts I already commented Ratio plays with, otherwise this response will be eternal.

Summation (trace): in Chinese this is more clearly linked to the inductive reasoning, which in context it is obvious this is what this trace references; I don’t know why they chose to translate it this way. It is a method of reasoning that comes from the observation of particularities to generalisation, hence “summation”. It works well with Ratio causing more damage per debuff, and with the references to empiricism in Ratio’s attacks. The consequences in inductive reasoning are not truly ensured by the premises (the typical example is how you can’t ensure that all ravens are black by as many black ravens as you observe). 

Inference (trace): this baffled me because again it is more clear in Chinese that this is referencing deductive reasoning, but every language translates “inference”, whereas in the “deduction” trace the characters are exactly the same as the ones in the Chinese wiki for “inference”, but every language translates “deduction”. I don’t know what’s happening here, I wish I knew Chinese and found this less confusing, but at least both words are present in his traces. Deductive reasoning is the one that goes from premises to conclusion. It is heavily linked to logic and it doesn’t necessarily require empiric knowledge.

Deduction (trace): this is what is called “inference” apparently in Chinese (if someone knows about this I would love to know what is happening in Chinese in these two traces). Inferences are, well, the process of reaching conclusions. It can be either through deduction or induction (or abduction, some would argue, but that’s another can of worms).

Mind is might (basic attack): in latin this is “scientia potentia est”, and while at this point the line is very detached from its context, initially it was linked to Bacon and Hobbes. I honestly think this is just a very convenient name for an attack of a character following a philosophy/sciences/knowledge thematic.

Intellectual midwifery (skill): Socrates, and platonism. I talked about this before.

Syllogistic paradox (ultimate): Syllogistic paradoxes were one of my favourite things when I was studying. Syllogisms are a form of logic reasoning, which consist of two premises and one conclusion. Though the premises may be true, and though the reasoning may be sensible, at times contradictory or illogical conclusions may be reached. This is a syllogistic paradox. Why this happens is because of a myriad of reasons, like the differences between natural and logical language, or the development of theories (the paradoxes in set theory are among my favourite things ever). I personally like to draw a strong distinction between paradoxes and contradictions. Anyway, I have a lot to say about this haha In general, this is what the name of the ultimate is referencing. It works well with Ratio’s traces. It also goes well with some of the other subjects present in his characterisation, like platonism, Descartes and such; there are a lot of paradoxes that arise from many of the theories that play with such topics. I think reading Alice in Wonderland’s apparent madness through the lenses of logic makes us see that most of those incongruences are actually pretty logical; many of them iirc are syllogistic paradoxes. Carroll was a logician. I mention this because this, as well as many other ideas present in Ratio, work extremely well with Penacony.

Cogito, ergo sum (talent): this is a line by Descartes, a rationalist. This too is something that fits Penacony incredibly well. Descartes starts doubting knowledge, ends up questioning pretty much everything, establishes inspired by mathematics and logic a method of acquiring the truth, and in the research of true knowledge he starts doubting everything with a methodical doubt to be able to tell what knowledge stands after being hit by doubt, and why, and try to reconstruct knowledge from there. Ratio’s lines about “seeking answers with a negative hypothesis in mind”, “When one is immersed in academic research, scepticism comes more naturally than belief” or “Pursuit tinged with negativity is still pursuit, and it is capable of leading us to the right conclusion” reminded me of Descartes’ method. One of the steps in the process is doubting one’s own existence, but since I (pardon the “I”, but the first person is very important in Descartes) doubt, then I think, and since I think, then I exist; cogito, ergo sum. This is closely related to platonism in some senses, and while Descartes’ philosophy comes in part from a criticism of scholasticism, it still has ties to it, but Descartes was a massive breakthrough in the history of Philosophy. I also won't dwell on this, but this is fascinating imo haha 

Anyway, Descartes’ doubt about the existence of reality, of the world, is heavily linked to dreams, because in dreams we believe things are real but are not, so equally we could be at every moment in a dream and not be aware of that; only the existence of oneself is clear of this doubt (Zhuangzi’s text about the butterfly plays with this too; I comment this because butterflies have appeared in Penacony and the Zhuangzi’s text seems to play in an interesting way with the concept of “I”, taking it a different route than Descartes, which is a very intriguing idea but I don’t know much of Chinese philosophy at all). The concept of simulated realities, Matrix-like settings and such, all are strongly linked to this conception of Descartes, even though similar things existed previously (such as Plato’s allegory of the cave), and this works very well with Penacony again. Obviously, Descartes’ theory is strongly dualist, and it’s even established a body-mind dualism. The idea of the ghost in the shell also comes in great part from Descartes. Descartes’ view of the body was not too unlike that of a machine. 

This was in a time in which clockwork and automatons were quickly advancing and fascinating people. Physic theories started to look (even more) like clockwork, with the universe as clockwork and god as a watchmaker that put it into place and then let it run its perfect course, needing or not (depending on the theory) adjustments from the watchmaker from time to time. I said before that harmony was linked to both the cosmos and the body, with the body in part being a reflection of the cosmos, and even linked to it by the harmony of the spheres. This new way of approaching the cosmological and human issues and developing Physics still has echoes of that. Newton, who is referenced in one of Ratio’s idle animations, is one of the epitomes of this concept of the universe as clockwork. Again, I don’t know how much they’ll do with these ideas nor even if they were written on purpose, but it all works so well with Penacony it would be a pity if they did nothing with this.

Another thing I want to note about Descartes is that besides mentally detaching himself from everything while doubting in his deconstruction and construction of knowledge, seeking undoubtable truths, he famously did so physically as well for some time when he first started thinking about the matters in his Discourse on the Method one night: “having no diverting company and fortunately also no cares or emotional turmoil to trouble me”, while he “spent the whole day shut up in a small room heated by a stove, in which I could converse with my own thoughts at leisure”. This reminded me a lot of Ratio’s head and how he uses it: “with the headpiece on, isolated from my five senses, i can think without interference”, “he put on a headgear to keep away all external distractions and completely focus on thinking? Who else in the world could manage that?”.

Mold of idolatry (technique): this links mainly again to the theory of Forms of Plato, with that representation of something else that is what is real. The name of the technique and what it does works well also with the idea of idolatry, especially of idolatry of false gods, idols or even falsehood in general, and how Ratio criticises people’s blind infatuation with geniuses. It also reminds me of Nietzsche’s Twilight of the Idols, or, How to Philosophise with a Hammer. Among other things, Nietzsche heavily criticises platonism and platonic philosophy, and mostly all western philosophers (he has kind words for Heraclitus, for instance). 

Wiseman’s folly (ultimate’s effect): the idea that knowledge or beholding the truth brings to something similar to madness or ends up leading to foolishness is a very common one. Many of the Ancient Greece philosophers were said to have been extravagant. Diogenes the Cynic and Heraclitus were two such examples. Democritus was said to have plucked out his own eyes. Empedocles is said to have killed himself in a volcano. There’s Nietzsche, Georg Cantor, Kurt Gödel. It is the idea of the wise ending up being very much like the fool, but also the idea of the wise ending up losing sight of basic truths I believe, in that alienation from the world.

Know thyself (eidolon): this is what was inscribed in the temple of Apollo in Delphi I spoke of before. This is linked to Heraclitus, Socrates, Plato and platonism, of course. I think when it comes to Ratio that’s it, really. But this maxime has had a lot of implications and interpretations in different contexts and at different times. It could be seen as just a salutation, recommending temperance, the idea of knowing oneself and one’s limitations as key to succeed when approaching subjects or problems, the first step of getting to know anything at all, humans and the world being closely linked and even reflection of god so studying one helps studying the other, etc.

Vincit Omnia Veritas (eidolon): the translator says this means “eternal truth” in Chinese, which would play way better with the philosophical ideas and concepts present in Ratio while still playing with his name, “Veritas”. I won’t dwell on this because I’ve already talked about the link between eternal truths and Ratio a lot, and besides I can’t even confirm this is the true meaning because I don’t know Chinese.

Eidolon “The divine is in the details” seems to be a reference to a Chinese idiom that comes from a book. I don’t know if it has greater significance, but if anyone knows I am all ears. The other eidolons obviously work with Ratio, but I don’t see obvious philosophical influences so I’m skipping them.

Esse est percipi (ultimate line): “To be is to be perceived”. This is a line by Berkeley and linked to his philosophy. He criticises both dualism and materialism. The core idea is that the world’s existence is entirely dependent on the mind, that things don’t exist unless they are perceived and thought. His justification for one’s own existence seems to come from this perception, as Descartes’ came from thinking: “I do nevertheless know that I, who am a spirit or thinking substance, exist as certainly as I know my ideas exist”. Parmenides has a similar idea in his poem. I don’t think this was intended to be read too much into when it comes to Ratio, but I think it fits nicely with the other topics he has going on, and the dichotomy they often entail. It also works well with Ratio’s plaster head, with how he says “I don't have to set eyes on stupid people. Of course, they don't want to see me either”, with how he uses it to go unnoticed or unrecognised in both Herta’s Space Station and Penacony, and I think it could be overread or taken to more exaggerated levels in a juicy manner reading this under the notion of nothingness, mediocrity and being disregarded by Nous. 

One of the listed researched achievements of Ratio is in the field of epistemology. Epistemology is the field that studies knowledge. Although studied in particular at times, it is of course often linked to ontological conceptions; all the philosophical theories I’ve stated carry with them epistemological implications as well as ontological. In one of Ratio’s character stories there’s a mention to epistemic logic which is, speaking broadly, a logical approach to the analysis of knowledge. 

Another one of his listed achievements is in natural theology, which is the study of god through reason and logic instead of things such as transcendental experiences or revelations. This is very common in philosophy in general. It often has to do as well with the world as a harmonious whole, god as watchmaker/the universe as clockwork, and teleology. I will mention Newton and Darwin here because Newton is referenced in Ratio’s idle animation, and Darwin because he broke up with the teleological tradition when it came to the world. Ratio’s work is named Aeons: A Natural Phenomenon, and the title and its description, how its “Aeon non-theism”, makes it seem to me like he wrote of Aeons as if they were just another form of life or something that pertains to nature itself and not detached from it, which although very different from Darwin’s ideas did remind me of how he dismissed teleology in nature. This also clearly links, in my opinion, to Ruan Mei.

Other than that I also want to note Ratio’s final speech to Screwllum about inspiring doubt and scepticism when it comes to established ideas and geniuses. It reminded me of Socrates, how he was said to have “perverted” youth inspiring all that questioning among other things. It reminded me of Nietzsche, how he fervently encouraged individuals to use critical thinking, question dogmas and preconceived ideas they could have, and come up with their own conclusions that does not mean necessarily negating absolutely everything they held true before the questioning (this exchange between Screwllum and Ratio: “Screwllum:  «You wish to uproot the researchers' blind worship of geniuses».  Dr. Ratio: «I am only laying out my questions».”). It also pointedly reminded me of Kant's “Sapere aude!”, “Dare to know!”,  and his text What Is Enlightenment?, in which among other things Kant talks about the lack of courage, not of intellect, of people to think for themselves, how humanity lives in a constant immaturity or adolescence of the mind, and urges them to get out of that state, to dare to know. Kant was greatly influenced by rationalism but said to have awaken from the rationalist slumber thanks to empiricism; the plays on rationalism and empiricism, deduction and induction, and the presence of idealism in the rest of Ratio’s writing as well as this fervent push for people to snap out of their lack of criticism and dare to think for themselves are what made me think of Kant here.

There’s more things to talk about Ratio, like his view on mediocrity and geniuses, and how that view is constructed and described in traces through fragments in his lore, the character stories, snippets of conversations; how he seems to be so similar in character and drive to geniuses, but never accepted as one, and how he is regarded as very different and eccentric by “normal” people, even in the Guild. In short, how he is detached from both the “normal” people and geniuses, like suspended between both states without being either completely, and how it makes so much sense in this context that he tries to breach the rift between both. I couldn’t help but mention this, to avoid forgetting this aspect of his characterisation in the future, but I won’t dwell on this because it isn’t really directly linked to any philosophical influence that I can think of.

I think this is it. Hopefully I didn’t forget anything important. And I’m sorry it is so long, but I really tried to summarise. As I said, I may well be reading too much into some of these things, but I also think that since Ratio plays with many of the core authors and concepts in the history of western philosophy, some things I expect were not intended by the writers still are present somewhat, because mentioning this or that thing alongside this or that other thing ends up having implications if you know a bit of the context. 

I hope this was clear enough. However, I can try to explain myself better or further if I wasn’t. Philosophy may look unapproachable and dry at times at first, but it really isn't, it just needs one to get accustomed to some basic terminology, and it becomes fascinating and beautiful, and lifechanging haha. I would love it if Ratio is making people get a little bit more invested or interested in it, or open to explore it. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy is a good place to check the main ideas, texts and authors that may spike someone’s interest if anyone wants to read further about anything I've said or compare sources, but tbh I think even Wikipedia can be useful with getting a first feel of some basic ideas to know what to look for.  And although I am not an authority or the most trustworthy source at all, I will help as best as I can if someone reading this has any further question. I recommend reading the texts firsthand though, with historical context in mind and footnotes perhaps if possible, and making one's own mind about everything.

#Dr. Ratio #Veritas Ratio #Ratio #Dr Ratio #Honkai Star Rail #Sorry for all the tags but I want to try to reach the person who asked this since it's been some time #If you are still around and see this I would appreciate confirmation that you saw it just to ease my mind a bit xD #Ratio fits Penacony so much I hope they do something with it #I talk too much #I should probably delete this later #And reread it just to make sure everything is alright after copypasting the text to tumblr #Traces

[pseudonymphomania]

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

February was the month I became involved in the Obey Me fandom. I had some time last year and I was so inspired that I ended up writing a longfic, but it simply wasn’t enough for my newly obsessed brain. I was a traditional artist until last year when I decided to try my hand at digital art. Uh. It was difficult. I was so frustrated. Canvas size, where my tools are, how brushes work, making a colour palette and layers are all examples of things that I now take for granted these days. Dialuci was the entire reason I didn’t just give up and throw it all away. In fact, they became the reason I got better. I was determined to depict them in whatever scenario I had in my mind even if it was going to be a visual travesty. I focused on the most important thing; having fun. Over time, they became proof-of-concept that improvement is tenacity and repetitiveness.

My first and most-popular fic is Self Control. I spent exactly two months on it powered by creative inertia and an intense hyperfixation that I had not experienced since my teen years writing on Fanfiction.net; the DiaLuci ship dynamics were just that compelling and what was supposed to be a 20-Chapter loosely-connected aphrodisiac-induced smut turned into a whole play-by-play smutty epic about events before and leading up-to lesson 16 (87 chapters!). The rest is history. Now I have multiple stories under my belt and from this, even became a digital artist even though the only thing I thought I could do was write!

Spotlight: Happy Almost-One-Year Anniversary to this comment that I come back to and think about often out of all the wonderful comments I’ve gotten this past year.

I'll have you know that every time I have to write something, I try my best to place the characters in the scene so that it makes sense to someone who isn't me; I think of you every time I do so, dear reader. Thank you again for such a nice comment and representing the value of constructive criticism.

I’ll get back up and writing soon, I promise!

My biggest project to-date:

My Work-in-Progress Lineup:

Based on Obey Me Nightbringer chapter 37 and 38. I am pleased to present these two in their emotional duality. I’m planning on releasing them both at the same time because of the meaning I took from this narrative.

I started out a writer but I've been more involved in art these days. As various platforms are excited to regale me about my anniversaries, I look back on my fandom journey and I remember that you were all at the beginning of it. Thank you all for being excited to see what ridiculousness I get up to and for being a place I can enjoy my time being.

Here's to another year!

#my status #my wips #dialuci #fanfiction #obey me diavolo #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me #diavolo x lucifer #obey me dialuci #fanart #obey me fanart #obey me nsft #obey me smut #obey me nightbringer #obey me fandom #art progress #obey me art #obey me fanfic #obey me spoilers #obey me thoughts #obey me writing #lucidia #art improvement #tumblr anniversary

[ribbonetteart]

Tribute to one of my favorite movies of all time + the franchise that has me in a death grip 💖

a bit late for Christmas but at least Valentine's day is around the corner ^^;;

Process below if that interests you:

AS I SAID EARLIER, I had been working on this piece as early as December of 2021 😱!!!

This was the original sketch! I was inspired after learning about Blaze's own design inspiration coming from Takarazuka theater, as well as it being the Nutcracker season so this film was in bouncing around in my head.

and this was allllll the way back in 2021 ^^; I had put the idea to paper to capture the image in my head immediately. But the idea in my head was extravagant and beautiful and would certainly take time to complete, as well as the patience and skill to work with watercolor 😔 I've certainly done my share of watercolor, both physical and digital, but I still feel like my physical watercolor work is a fluke, and I was still a novice digital artist at the time of this sketch.

In short, I was confident my skill could live up to the vision.

So I would put this on the back burner. It wouldn't be ready in time for Christmas, and I could use this as an opportunity to hone that digital art experience so it could be ready next year!

2 Years Later...

It's December 5th. Fuck it. Let's crack this open again, I tell myself.

SO starting with the line art, it's actually 2 different brushes layered over one another.

I also changed Sonic's expression to be more love struck-looking, because I'm a sucker for romance.

The image on the left is a watercolor line brush, while the right is a pencil brush. The reason I wanted a water color look was because I thought it would make the illustration look dreamy and fantastical, and I wanted that to extend to the line art as well. However, my usual lines on traditional usually veer more towards thick and cartoony from years of studying the Sonic art style, so I really felt like I was working against myself here. I had also asked friends for their input and they preferred the lines on the right as well. If my followers actually do read these blog posts, I'd love if you could comment which line art style you prefer drawing or looking at.

The happy medium was to just combine the 2. Here's a better look at that:

I like it! I think it combines the solid line with the rustic water color grain. Best of both worlds :]

For the actual painting, The most notable thing I can say is that getting the right pastel-y color was VERY difficult to achieve for someone like me who often loves to use bright and saturated colors in her art. I feel like I really set myself up to do one of those "evil art style" or "opposite art style" challenges I've been seeing around. I had to repaint Sonic at one paint because the blue of his fur was WAY too saturated for the style I was going for:

I started with painting Sonic and Blaze in first and then working on the background. I think that's probably the backwards way of doing it but one of the perks of digital art is you can do stuff any order you want when you have layers.

The background wasn't actually as difficult as I thought it would be. I wasn't going for any difficult perspective, and I was using a reference so that could be it. I'm usually averse to backgrounds but I really wanna tackle more of my weak points in art. I actually had way more fun than I was expecting, painting the sky and adding texture to the grass. I think I had the most fun rendering the water coming from the fountain (which you can't even see too well anyway, lol).

Funny enough, I had just about finished painting the characters and background by early January. So why am I posting this in February?

The Flowers...

In case you don't know. I love flowers. I love looking at them, I love learning about flower languages, I love drawing them. so seeing that my reference image showed flowers circling the fountain, I was excited! I was already having more fun than I expected to be, working against my usual style, rendering a background, so how could this be a pain in the ass?

Well, I am my own worst enemy 😞I couldn't exactly identify each flower offhand from this screenshot alone. The texture of the flowers is kinda grainy, since I don't think the animators were expecting viewers to look too closely at the set piece to use as reference for my lovingly crafted crossover fanart. If anyone has this in high quality though, please tell me.

(I think I actually got this reference from a tumblr post but I can't find it on my blog for the life of me nor can I find it in the tags I'm so sorry)

I'm a huge stickler for details so I really wanted to be as "accurate" as possible in my illustration. I can hardly identify some of these flowers with confidence. I think there are roses in there? or tulips? I'm not sure if those yellow flowers are roses or some kinda petunia or if I'm way off.

I'm sure these details won't matter to most viewers but it was EATING AWAY AT ME. Eventually I decided to try drawing in flowers that might look similar to the ones in the reference. Or some based on their flower languages. I was certainly overthinking it ;;;; It led me to going "fuck it" and just throwing in whatever I wanted. There are no irises visible in that screenshot but I made it the centerpiece of the flower ring. Who give a shit.

I made some guides for me to follow: The blue ring was so I could make sure the flowers make a half circular border around Sonic and Blaze. I was envisioning how it could look as like an icon or sticker or something, which is why it's framed this way. then the second guide is the sketch of the flowers I made. I always do line art and I'm not great at just improvising with color to paper, or color to screen in this case.

The rest of this process is then just working on each flower piece by piece (with the help of the mirror tool of course) with varying degrees of detail. Some flowers are more abstract than others, and I had debated if that would look jarring and disrupted any kind of harmony I was trying to maintain with the style parameters I set for myself. And then I decided I was overthinking it once again which is why this was taking me nearly 2 months to complete.

At some point during this process, my wifi went out for a whole week! Of course, I could still work on this illustration offline, but I had a lot of tabs open with a bunch of reference images on there (plus I like to listen to music while I draw otherwise I lose focus and I had neglected to download a varied selection on my phone or laptop 😭 Learn from my mistakes).

The most tedious of this process was making each set of gladioluses a unique color.

Was it worth it? You tell me! I think they're pretty, at least.

Along the way, I repainted the grass because it wasn't symmetrical (It didn't need to be but I had been using the mirror tool for a lot at this point and it was bugging me). I made other little final adjustments, like color adjusting the leaves on the flowers, lowering the flower ring border, and so on.

Ultimately, I'm extremely satisfied with the final product. I had my heart set on doing something like this for a long time. I had so much fun just experimenting throwing on color or not worrying about technical stuff. Of course, I did do what I usually do and overthink it at some points, but I'm working on it!

I've wanted to do an extremely indulgent AU illustration and other drawings for a Sonic x The Nutcracker story for a long while. I will be totally honest, I'm still a little embarrassed to share stuff like this, even after years of posting fan art online. It feels like the more self indulgent something is, the more people might judge me for it ^^; But I wanna practice what I preach and kill the thing inside me that cringes at my harmless attempts at joy and whimsy.

I would love to do some more drawings for this AU, but maybe post them around December when it would be more seasonally appropriate. I hope you'll stick around for it!

If you read this whole thing to the end, thank you. Whether you follow my blog or not, I hope you have a lovely day :3💝

#Barbie in the Nutcracker #Sonic the Hedgehog #Blaze the Cat #Sonaze #Jess's Digital Odyssey #Sorry for not posting frequently it may happen again

[hangmanssunnies]

A Letter From The Past

Summary: On the day of your wedding, the last thing you expected to hear is your groom Rooster Bradshaw is freaking out and having jitters. You want to talk to him and help him with whatever it is he needs. Though you also never thought you would be crying this much reading a letter from Carole Bradshaw.

Pairings: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw X Reader, and Minor Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Natasha "Phoenix" Trace.

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick 

Word count: 5k

Warnings: Angst, Comfort, wedding jitters, drinking mentioned, dead parents mentioned. Best Friend Hangman.

A/N: The reader's call sign is Malibu Barbie, I think in this they all call her Malibu. I was crying too much to finish editing. I hope you like it. There will most likely be more parts about the wedding ceremony and then the reception. Let me know what you think and if you're interested in more parts.

Jake “Hangman” Seresin took his job as the man of honor very seriously, and it wasn’t just because his girlfriend Natasha “Phoenix” Trace was the best lady at this wedding. Really there was in no possible way a competition happening between them on who was the better best friend. That was why he laughed in her face when she had first come knocking to tell him there was a situation that they needed to deal with, as soon as possible.

  🌺 🌺 🌺

“Listen, Malibu, I have good news and bad news.”

Your eyes immediately snapped open. The makeup artist who was in front of you stepped back as well, making a small huffing sound but not complaining. Jake was in front of you, biting his lip and looking absolutely ridiculous in his robe, which had Man of honor embroidered on it. Jake was your wingman, best friend, and the obvious choice for your maid of honor. He got stuff done, was organized, and well, the best at whatever he put his mind to. You had one of the best bachelorette parties you could have imagined, thanks to him planning out the Vegas trip. So anything bad happening on your wedding day, paired with Phoenix as best lady, and the amazing event planner you hired, had never crossed your mind.

“Why is there bad news on my wedding day, Hangman?” You ask him, trying to remain calm and not make any facial features that would affect the half finished makeup you were wearing.

“Well, let’s start with the good news,” He pressed a freshly made mimosa into your hands, made exactly the way you liked it. “A fresh mimosa for the beautiful bride to help with your nerves.”

“Jake, how much help am I going to need? Because you’re making it sound like I should be downing some shots right now. Did the flowers not get here? Is someone dead or in jail? Is Maverick blacked out and fell down the stairs, so I have to find a new officiant?” The longer he waited to tell you, the more your mind started to spiral into the possible things that could be wrong.

You sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm down. Jake’s hand was heavy on your shoulder as he pushed you to take a sip of the new drink. “Malibu. Malibu, calm down. Hey, take a drink and take a breath.” He used the same tone he would like if you were to be up in the air, which helped ground you. “I actually unloaded your bouquet this morning, and it is absolutely stunning. Now, remember to breathe. It’s nothing that bad, but, Rooster is freaking out.”

Your heart rate instantly increased instead of calming down, hearing the callsign of your fiancé, soon-to-be husband. Rooster was known for being a pretty level-headed goofy, loving man who did exceptionally under pressure and stress. He was your rock in the storm most of the time; you hadn’t ever even considered the possibility he would freak out.

You had wanted to spend the night before the wedding together with him, but he wanted to have the traditional night apart. So you hadn’t seen him since the end of the rehearsal dinner the night before or all morning setting things up and getting ready. “Oh my god, that’s so much worse. Is he here?” You managed to ask, standing up from the chair and striding towards the door.

Hangman was right on your heel, already reaching to stop you from launching yourself out of the room and down to the groom's suite. He put his hand on the door when you tried to pull it open. “Yes, he is here. He is just freaking out, though. Maverick is trying to calm him down.”

“I don’t think Pete is the best idea for that." You snap back, pulling on the door harder. “Where’s Nat? Where’s Bob?” You asked, questions swirling around you.

“Malibu,” Jake called again, but you were ignoring him now. “Y/N,” he said again, taking his hands off the door to shake you lightly. This finally caught your attention, and you stopped trying to open the door.

“Take a deep breath with me.” You followed his advice breathing in and out. The rest of your bridal party all stopping getting ready, and watched the exchange with worried eyes.

“I need to go see him.”

“You aren’t ready for first looks yet, and neither is he.”

“What kind of freaking out is he doing? Am I about to get left at the altar or what?” You asked, trying to maintain calm.

“It’s hard to explain,” Jake told you. Without another word, you broke from his grasp and threw open the door of the bridal suite, not even bothering to adjust your robe and tighten it around yourself. However, Natasha was standing on the other side.

“Malibu,” she gave you a tight smile. “You look absolutely stunning.”

“Phoenix, how is Bradley? Where is he?”

“Yes, well, I was worried Hangman wouldn’t be able to contain you, so I’m here for interference. Before I can go check on him again.”

You glared at the other woman, but she didn’t budge, and now Hangman was at your back. The couple was boxing you in. “I want to see him."

“Yeah, sorry, sweetheart. That’s not going to happen yet. You will both thank us later.” Jake said from behind you.

“I won’t be thanking anyone if Brad is freaking out so much we don’t get married today.” You snap back. “I want to see him.”

The couple made eye contact over your shoulder, having a silent conversation you couldn’t begin to decipher. Finally, it was Pheonix who grounded you. She straightened out your robe so it was a bit more proper looking. “How about this? Jake and I will figure it out. You don’t need to worry.”

“No, I want to talk to Brad,” you said, hysteria and worry starting to claw in you. “I need to because now I’m going to start freaking out.”

Hangman jumped back into the fray of the conversation, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and turning you back to the bridal suite. “Okay, Nat and I will figure out a way for you and Rooster to talk. And no, you are not getting your phones back. So why don’t you get your hair finished up, and keep going with the makeup.”

“Yeah. We will make it happen, Y/N. There's nothing for you to worry about.” Natasha said, helping guide you back into the room.

“I’m worried now. I'm about to be the one freaking out.” You reminded them. You held up your thumb and index finger, keeping them a little apart in a demonstration. "This close, you guys." 

Even with that being said, they didn’t leave your side until you were back in the chair, and Jake had watched you take at least two more sips of the mimosa he had brought.

“Where's the photographer?” You asked, feeling panicked about every little detail now. No longer able to access the relaxed state you had been in five minutes ago.

“They aren’t scheduled to get here for another 45 minutes,” Jake said, giving you one of his stellar smiles, which helped calm you down a bit. Then he gave a light kiss on your forehead. “Hey, I’m your wingman and even more importantly, your man of honor. I’ve got this all taken care of. Give us a little bit of time, and you can talk to Rooster.”

Despite Hangman’s famous tendency to leave people behind in the air to be the best, you did trust him wholeheartedly. You also trusted Pheonix, who was nodding along with her boyfriend in support.                    

“Okay,” you conceded. With that, the two of them were out the door, and the rest of your bridal party rushed in to help calm you down.

🌺 🌺 🌺

“Telling her was not the best idea Nat,” Hangman said as soon as the door had closed behind them.

“We couldn’t not tell her. Rooster is really, really freaking out. I never would have expected that from him. I was hoping that she would have ideas on how to calm him down.”

Jake groaned. “Babe, now both of them are freaking out.”

“Time for us to come up with a plan and do some damage control.”

The groom's suite was on the other side of the venue, and they were almost there. Jake did not care about at the looks he was getting from wearing the robe he currently had on from some of the caters and staff of the venue.

“They are going to roast you alive for that robe in there,” Pheonix said, stopping at the door to the groom's suite.

“I don’t care. They are just jealous I am best man and that they don’t have robes.”

“Man of honor.” Natasha corrected him while shaking her head. She stopped him before he could open the door. With her hand tightened in the collar of the robe, Natasha pressed a quick kiss to his lips. When he followed her for another, she pulled away. “That was for my nerves,” she told him.

“Sweetheart, we are going to figure this out. There ain't a team better than us in the world.” Jake said with a drawl cupping her face and stealing another kiss. She laughed at him and shoved his chest.

“Except Rooster and Malibu,”

“Yeah, that’s true. Today, Rooster and Malibu are allowed to have us beat, but just barely.”

Stealing one more peck, Nat opened the door to the groom's suite then. Jake sauntered in like he wasn’t stressed out, but she could see some of his smaller tells.

“Never fear, Hangman is here,” he called out, supporting a cocky grin.

It took approximately five seconds before half the room broke into laughter seeing the other aviator. All of Rooster's groomsmen and ladies, except one of his close friends from UVA -- Daniel, were also in the Navy. And given the nature of their friend groups, they knew Hangman. Even Daniel had met Jake during the bachelor party.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Javy asked, doubled over in laughter.

“Coyote shut up. Now’s not the time,” Jake quickly brushed his friend off, scanning the room for Rooster. “Where is Bradshaw? If he ran off, Malibu will kill him, and when she is done, then I will kill him again.”

“He locked himself in that closest,” Daniel Hamm said, pointing to the door most of the guys were standing by. Natasha breezed past them all straight to the door knocking on it. Maverick shook his head in wain at her attempt, having already tried.

“Thanks Radio,” Hangman said, rolling his eyes and grabbing a beer from the fridge before he joined the crowd around the door. 

“Bradshaw,” she said in a serious voice, hearing nothing from the other side. “Come on, buddy you can talk to us.”

“Leave me alone,” She finally heard Rooster's voice from inside.

“Bradley, you aren’t eight years old. You can’t lock yourself in a closet,” Maverick said, shaking his head. Pheonix shot him a glare. He really wasn’t helping anything. Jake shoved the Mav out of the way.

“Maverick, you really have heart, but why don’t you sit this one out sir.” Then Jake knocked on the door three times.

“Bradshaw, it’s Seresin.”

“Why are you here?”

“Listen buddy,” Jake started to say but was quickly cut off.

“You’re supposed to be with Y/N. Is she okay?” The panic in Bradley’s voice only increased, and Pheonix smacked the back of Jake’s head in punishment. He winced and grabbed the offending hand so she wouldn’t be able to smack him again. Turning to the rest of the guys crowding them in around the closet, he glared.

“Hey, can you guys give us a little space?”

“Roost do you want to talk to Malibu? She wants to talk to you, and Jake and I can make it happen.” Phoenix asked.

“I’m not ready to see her.”

“No, no seeing involved yet. She is still getting ready. But you can still talk to her. Would that help you out?” Jake cut in.

“Is she okay?”

“Well, to be honest, no. Not really, buddy. It would help her a lot to talk with you. That’s why I’m down here.” If there was anything that could override Rooster’s own panic, it would be concern and protectiveness over you.

There was silence on the other side of the door. Natasha gave Jake the thumbs up before speaking to the door again. “You can’t talk to her from this closet, though.”

A full minute passed, and then the door to the closet opened. Bradley had hunched his too tall form to fit in, and he was still wearing the casual outfit he had shown up in that morning. He did not look his best. Everyone else in the room cheered at the sight of him, and he cracked a small grin. The stress was clearly still bubbling under the surface of that smile.

“Bro, what the fuck are you wearing?” Rooster asked when he set eyes on Hangman's plush Man of honor robe, which made everyone laugh again.

“Y’all are just jealous that Phoenix didn’t get you robes. I got everyone robes on the bride’s side, and we are living in luxury. While y’all are bumming it.”

“Can I talk to Malibu now?”

“No, we have to get stuff set up.”

Natasha jumped in then, “You just got to give us twenty minutes. In the meantime, I want you guys to shotgun some of those beers.” Everyone gave another cheer, and Brad forced another smile on his face.

Phoenix quickly shut the door to the closet again so there wouldn’t be another disappearing act. She grabbed her WSO’s arm too. “Bob listen to me, don’t let him back into that closet. And maybe try and get him into something besides those ratty joggers and wife beater. I know that the wedding is still for a while, and you guys take 20 minutes to get dressed but at least get him in a Hawaiian shirt and some slacks or something.”

Bob nodded his head, and she smiled, knowing that he wouldn't let her down. Making sure all the guys were rallying around Bradley, she headed back out the door where Hangman was waiting.

🌺 🌺 🌺

“Okay, princess. What is our game plan?”

“We need somewhere they can easily talk but can’t see each other.”

They both started to think of different places in the venue that would work for what they needed to accomplish. 

“What about the bathroom? We put one of them in the stall so they can’t see each other.”

“That’s a terrible idea, Jake.”

“Fine, what about an open window and a curtain?”

“That’s better,” Pheonix conceded and then looked up from where they were standing.

The venue was absolutely beautiful, it was two parts. The second half of the reception and dinner was going to take place in the boat house where they currently were. And the second part of the venue was the riverboat. That was where the ceremony and a cocktail hour would be,  before coming back to the boathouse. Overlooking the beach and water where the boat was docked was a balcony. On a small middle floor that was mostly storage and a few extra empty rooms, they hadn’t been planning on using. It had a set of huge french doors opening up onto the balcony. 

“Jake, what if we open up those doors and pull out the curtains so that they don’t have to see each other. It will give them some privacy, and they will be able to still talk.”

He followed her gaze and started nodding his head. "You are absolutely brilliant, Trace."

They both quickly made their way up to the room and started to open the french doors and set out two chairs. They also stood on each side to test it, making sure it would work for their little plan. Once they had confirmed this, they both went to collect their side of the couple.

“Okay, you are bringing in Rooster first, and then I’ll bring in Malibu.”

“Yes,” Pheonix confirmed. They were about to split again when they noticed the photographer approach them.

“Hi, I am here for the pictures. Are they ready to do some getting ready ones?”

“Hi, sweetheart,” Jake said, giving her one of his signature smiles. “There is actually a bit of a change, to our schedule. The couple is about to have a chat on that balcony.” He pointed up to it so that she would be able to see.

“First looks aren’t scheduled for another hour and a half,” the photographer said, checking her watch, a bit panicked that they had changed the schedule up on her.

“They aren’t doing first looks yet. They just need to have a talk,” Natasha said kindly. “So please feel free to get your camera set up and photograph all the decor and anything like that you need to, and the coordinator DeeDee should be around here somewhere as well.

"Also, maybe pictures of them up there on the balcony if you can manage it," Jake added. That’s all the two gave the poor woman before dashing off.

      🌺 🌺 🌺

The entire time Jake had been gone and your makeup was being finished up, you hadn’t been able to ease the tension coiling in you. When Jake told you the plan and brought you to the balcony, retreating to the other side with Phoenix, waiting until you both calmed down and were done talking.

You could see the shadow of Bradley pacing on his side of the balcony when you stepped out onto yours. Also, hearing the steady rhythm of his feet. Only barely able to make out his shape through the illuminated curtain but not actually able to see him.

“Brad?” You called out.

“Baby,” you heard him say, and his pacing stopped.

“Honey, are you okay? What’s going on? Jake said you were freaking out but didn’t give me any details.”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Okay," you took a moment, trying to organize your thoughts. "Are you having doubts about me? About us? Is it anything I did?”

“No. It's not you. You're perfect,” he said quietly.

“Okay, that's good. Well, what happened when you first started freaking out?”

“I got a letter.”

“A letter?”

“Yeah.”

You sighed heavily and situated yourself into the chair that was on your side, realizing that it was going to be a slow conversation. A slow conversation was fine. You would do anything for Bradley, talk for hours, even put off this wedding if that was what he needed.

“I will sit here and wait all day. I don’t want you to feel pressure, but sweetheart, my Rooster, you can talk to me. We talk. Us getting married today won’t change that.” 

There was silence from his end, and you saw his shadow start to pace again. “We are getting married, and I don’t even know how to be married. I haven’t seen one good marriage in my life. I don’t even really remember my parent's marriage. I just know the stories my mom would tell me.”

“Being married won’t really change our relationship, not really. The biggest thing is that the Navy is going to have to do their best to station us together now. But if you don’t want to get married today, we don’t actually have to.” You said, taking a moment to think about his words.

“Last night, Mav gave me a box, and I didn’t think anything of it. I thought it was just an early wedding gift. I wanted to get as much rest as possible, so I saved it to open until this morning. Then I opened it up, and there was a letter. From my mother.”

"Oh Brad,” you gasp and put your hand over your mouth.

“It says to my Bradley on his wedding day. She wrote me all these letters when she got sick. I thought I had read the last of them, years ago. But I guess she gave this one to Mav to keep for me. I can’t,” his voice broke, and you watched his shadow slump against the wall. “I can’t read it,” he finally finished.

You couldn’t stand not seeing him or holding him in your arms. You reached for the curtain separating you from him. You started to pull on it so you could see him, but his hand held it firm so you couldn’t reveal him to your wanting eyes. You saw his hand and grabbed it, threading your fingers together.

“Baby, it’s a silly wedding tradition. It doesn’t matter if I’m all dressed up yet. Let me hold you please, “ you begged him.

“I do care. I sure as hell am not ever marrying anyone else, baby. So, I want the full experience. I’m sorry I waited until the morning of our wedding to have a breakdown about what marriage means to me.”

You stroked your thumb across the back of his hand soothingly. “Do you have it?”

“Have what?”

“The letter with you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to read it for you? Or we can save it if you would like.”

He didn’t say anything, and you waited for him, not prompting him or pressuring him to share that special document with you. Just allowing him time and space to make the choice and make sure he knew you were there for him.

Then a small box just longer than a folded letter and an inch or so deep was pushed to your side of the balcony. “Will you read it to me? And don’t edit anything out no matter what she said. “

“Of course.” You opened the box and on top of some tissue paper was a letter with elegant handwriting. With shaking fingers, you let go of Bradley's hand and picked up the letter to open it and start reading.

🌺🌺🌺

To My Bradley on his wedding day. 

Dear Bradley,

You’re getting married. What a wonderful, joyous occasion. You were the light of my life when your father passed away, and now you have found someone who I hope is the light of yours. I hope you know I am there with you every day, Bradley. That I am with you right now reading this letter. Even if you can’t hear us, your father and I are going to be cheering louder than anyone at the ceremony. I know your father would have had all kinds of manly husbandly advice for you. I am so sorry I can’t leave that for you. However, I can tell you some of the things we valued in our marriage. I can also tell you that Nick is so proud of you, Bradley Bradshaw. 

I know I raised you right and that you know how to treat a partner, but I still wanted to give you some advice. Don’t you ever take anything for granted, not a single moment with your wife. Not one night in bed together, holding hands while walking, not doing chores, or going grocery shopping. Treasure them all; even when you get into fights, which will happen, they are unavoidable. We don’t know how much time we all get here on this earth. While I am hoping you and your future wife live the longest happiest lives together, I don’t want you to have any regrets if that's not the case. When you really love someone, no amount of time, not even forever, is enough. Never leave each other's side without a kiss and saying I love you. Open that whole beautiful heart of yours and love without reservations Bradley. 

I am sure your father and I would love your wife. I’m confident that she is kind and beautiful and everything I had always dreamed of in a future daughter-in-law. I hope she is goofy and makes you laugh. I hope she loves you as much as I loved your father and understands the man you grew up to be. I left a little gift for her in this box, so that she knows how much we already love her and that I’m there for her today too. Please give it to her before the wedding. 

I am going to ask that you and your wife support each other through any hardship life throws in your way. Nothing feels better than the hand of the person you love in yours when you’re in the middle of a storm. Treat each other with love, respect, and kindness. Live your life together in every sense you can: laugh together, sing in the car together, and cry together. It isn’t just love that holds up a marriage; it’s dedication, partnership, and most importantly, honesty. Don’t stop dating or having fun just because you have tied the knot. Go out on the town and take trips, live life together. Keep getting lost in each others’ eyes, just in case they’ve changed since you last checked. 

While you are committing yourself to be one part of a whole, I want you to still have friends and family to go to when problems arise, they will always have an open ear. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for support from each other or the people who love you. But always listen to your heart when making decisions. I love you, Bradley. We will always be there as you walk anywhere. To your new wife, we will be walking with her, too. 

Welcome your wife to the family with a big Bradshaw hug from us. 

Sending you more love than you can imagine, 

Mom and your Dad too. 

 🌺 🌺 🌺

Bradley had openly started sobbing during the first paragraph, and you had started crying reading the letter too. You didn’t care about the makeup you were wearing at all. You had held the pages away from you so that none of the tears would spill and ruin the letter. When you had been able to take a few more breaths, you carefully folded it up again and put it back in the envelope. 

You reached your hand around the other side of the curtain again. Rooster quickly grabbed it and gave it a kiss, his face was wet from tears, and you felt the tickle of his mustache on your wrist. 

“That was a beautiful letter,” you finally told him, breaking the bubble of silence from when you finished reading. You couldn’t keep your voice from breaking.

“We are already crying together.”

“Yes, we are.”

“What’s in the box?”

You pulled out the tissue paper with your available hand. Inside there were two long white ribbons, each of a different material. A small note card also baring Carole’s handwriting, it was short. It told you one of the ribbons was from Carole’s own wedding dress and the other she had made from Nick’s dress whites. Then there was a small blue glass flower hairpin. The gifts made you start crying again as you told Bradley what was inside. Then you pushed the box with the gifts and the letter back over to him so that he could see.

“She would have loved you. They would have loved you,” he said. His voice breaking. Another sob wrecked through him, and you felt his body shake just from holding his hand.

“Put a hand over your eyes, Bradley.”

“What?”

“Close your eyes and put a hand over them. No peaking.”

He let go of your hand then, and you waited a few more moments. Then you pushed the french door. Just before you could see Bradley, you closed your own eyes too. It only took you a moment of feeling around before reaching his side and wrapping him in a bone-crushing hug.

He hugged you back just as fiercely, pressing his wet face into your neck and shoulder against the plush robe you were wearing. You felt him mouthing something into your skin, and your hand found his hair running through it soothingly.

“What’s that?” you ask him gently.

“Thank you, thank you. I love you,” he kept muttering it into your skin, over and over loud enough now that you could hear it. After that, the two of you just held each other for a few minutes until your breathing leveled out again, and Bradley stopped crying.

“How are you feeling?”

He squeezed you extra tight then. “I’m good, thanks to you. I’m sorry for freaking out and worrying you. And throwing off today’s whole schedule.”

“There is nothing to apologize for,” you reassured him. “It’s our day. We can do whatever we want. Plus, this is obviously Pete’s fault for not telling you about the letter,” you said light-heartedly.

“Hashtag everything's Mav’s fault.” Rooster said with a chuckle. It was a hashtag they made up on Bradley's bachelor party that had just stuck.

He pressed a delicate kiss to your throat, and you were tempted to open your eyes and find his lips. However, he pulled away from you before you could.

“Okay baby. Thank you. I love you. I’m not peaking. We both need to get ready. I will see you soon, though, for first look pictures.”

“I love you too.”

You scooted away from him and opened your eyes to find the door and situate it between you two again. “I’m going to leave. I’ll send Natasha in for you, is that okay?” 

“Yes,” he said. His voice was the steadiest and most like normal you had heard all day.

“Also, I don’t want you to feel any pressure to wear these gifts from my Mom,” He told you, holding the box out around the door. You gently pulled it from his grasp, noting that the letter wasn’t in it anymore, but the ribbons and pin were.

“I will be wearing them. You couldn’t stop me. This is a gift from my mother-in-law, you know.” You joked but held the box close to your chest. It was true; even if it didn’t match your wedding’s aesthetics, they were beautiful gifts, and you would never throw something so sweet and thoughtful to the side like that.

Rooster didn’t say anything more, and you made your way out to the door. When you opened it, you were greeted by the sight of Jake pressed up against the far wall of the hallway. Natasha slotted in between his legs, the two of them making out.

You cleared your throat twice before they broke apart. Neither of them even looked embarrassed, which just made you laugh and clutch the box a little closer to your chest.

“Everyone knows I am the captain of the Hannix ship, but it is my wedding day, you guys. Please try and keep it in your pants and robes for a few more hours.”

“Is everything good?” Natasha asked, brushing off your comment with little more than a smile.

“Yeah, everything’s good,” You confirm. “Rooster’s waiting for you to grab him once I’m out of eyesight.

“Good,” Jake said. He couldn’t help himself from pressing one more kiss to Nat’s lips before he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and started to guide you away. “We have to completely redo your makeup. I had no idea you could even cry this hard. One of your eyelashes is falling off.”

You rolled your eyes at him but leaned into his side. Excitement for the rest of the day to unfold was bubbling in you. Staring at the gifts from Carole, you started to plan how you were going to incorporate them into the day.

Phoenix went to grab Rooster when you two had disappeared from sight and found him holding a letter, tears falling from his eyes again. She had to resist the internal urge to make fun of him for crying. There wasn’t anything wrong with a man crying, despite what people thought. Natasha being someone who made sure she could always fit in with the guys, was guilty of holding others to the stereotype. Even more so from her time in the military.

“How you doing, Bradshaw?” She asked kindly.

He quickly folded the letter and whipped a few tears on the white Hawaiian-themed shirt that Bob had forced him into. “I’m good. Ready to get ready. I promise I’m done crying for the day.”

Natasha laughed and held out a hand, helping him to his feet. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Rooster. You’re a big softie. We both know you’re going to cry when Malibu walks down the aisle, and probably during first looks too.”

And as per usual, Phoenix was completely correct.

#bradley bradshaw x reader #rooster x reader #Hannix

[meanbossart]

Some art-advice asks I've been meaning to reply to!

I use Clip Studio Paint Pro, though I'm not sure what tips I could give just in general. Just experiment with new things often, draw as much as your lifestyle allows, watch how other people do their work but try to avoid "Dont do THIS thing ever" type lessons and tutorials. Use as much reference as you'd like and take your time! To this day a simple sketch can still take me several hours to do depending on what it is.

Thank you so much!!! I didn't do any kind of formal art schooling but I've always been inclined towards arts and crafts, and started taking drawing semi seriously when I was about 17 (I'm 27 now). I draw a lot of inspiration from western comics and my favorite artists are jason shawn alexander and sean murphy.

Oh I'm so flattered to hear my stuff's inspired you to take up drawing again, I have a bunch of little crafty hobbies but art is by far the most fulfilling one to me - largely because you're constantly learning and improving.

You're definitely onto something already, I am constantly looking at other people's art (even If it isn't a style I would want to emulate) and analyzing how the pieces come together to create the final product. In my opinion this is pretty much the best way you can go about learning besides real-life reference drawing. You can even take something into your software of choice/print it out and trace it (just to yourself, of course) to get a sense of hand-motion and line use.

As a beginner I think there's no shame at all in taking heavy inspiration from your favorite artists, as long as you aren't straight up copying things and calling them your own. Your personal style Is likely to come out naturally, with time. That's very much how I started myself!

Also, just be patient with yourself, try to have realistic goals for your skill level while simultaneously being proud of everything you do. Even if you absolutely despise a drawing, you still drew something! And even if it doesn't feel that way you most definitely learned from it. Use learning tools and tutorials to whatever point you feel comfortable with but don't get stuck on people's arbitrary rules - unless we're talking about something tangible like real-life application of traditional art tools, things like anatomy, perspective and light are to be referenced from - but It's not the goal to emulate them 100% unless you ARE going for hyperrealism. As someone who uses a ton of reference these days, I can tell you first-hand that I often find myself straying from it on purpose to make a piece look more interesting.

Lastly, draw things you enjoy! Don't let anyone else dictate what you SHOULD be doing and don't fall into the trappings of wanting to stick to one specific style, process, or subject matter.

Good luck!!!

LOL thank you so much for your very evocative compliments! I haven't ever done a timelapse, not that I remember at least. I'm not sure how they work but I do so much of "I'm gonna try this thing 5 different ways and then decide what I like" that I'm not sure how comprehensive that would be LOL

I could put together a process showcase or something though, I feel like that might be better even, since I get to explain a little of what I'm doing through text and display how I use reference. Something to consider!

#ask #art #advice

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hii ik saw me many times but i love your blog so much about hobie and Miguel i have questions have any hc hobie being west African hc of that been there since watched movie i cannot get it out

I AM GOING TO SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM AT THIS BECAUSE YES YES I CAN

(also sorry if this is kinda Yoruba centric!! cause that's the area I know the best - for reference I myself am Bajan/Quechua (West Indies - Barbados / Indigenous Peruvian))

West African!Hobie Headcanons:

And because I'll never get a chance to talk about this again I'm gonna start off with the one I love most and the one people know most about (and that is demonized - literally - the most)

Hobie and Vodou (aka VooDoo):

Yeah, I said it. Hobie can work. He got juju. He rootworks. He conjures. Whatever iteration, whatever title - if Hobie followed any religion it would either be Buddhism, which some argue that some sects can double as a moral philosophy,

-If he'd respect any religion. It'd be a Traditional African one and I'm putting money on Vodou.

[And heads up, I am not an initiate of Vodou, but I do actively practice African Traditional Spirituality (HooDoo/Rootworking) and Ancestral Worship. So take from that what you will.]

First of all - how punk would that be??? A West African religion demonized by the western world for centuries from Africa to Haiti to Louisiana - that praised ancestral worship and community first???

YES PLEASE. Some people might not really understand all of this but:

First things first, yes, he speaks Yoruba and if you call it 'Speaking African' he's going to flay you alive.

Like????? Hobie sweet talking in Yoruba??? I'll throw my self on the floor right now!!

Hobie practicing ancestor worship - and thanking all the oppressed people who gave their lives and suffered daily so he can live his life?

He'd have an altar in his house, a small one he keeps out of sight, even to Gwen.

Leaves offerings and bits of his meal on the altar. Cause he was once food insecure, but now that things are a little better, he can do that

Like even if he practiced a form of HooDoo or another sect that derives from Traditional African Spirituality (that doesn't involve initiation)

He'd want to give back to his ancestors, learn how to use natural herbs and work them, learning how to make powders, doing floor washes, sweeping a certain way

And having all of these routines related to his African spirituality that are so subtle but he thinks about always

Prays to his ancestors to give him strength when he's struggling with being Spiderpunk

BUT IMAGINE IF HE WAS INTITATED THO ????

Hobie in all white during ceremony???????

HOBIE BEING A CHILD OF SHANGO??????????

NAH THEY AINT READY FOR IT

But even so -whatever Orisha got that boy head be putting in WORK.

And you know he keeps his beads on forever and always even under the suit!!!!

And the style!!! Hobie AfroPunk?!!!

I don't know if they have this elsewhere, but in NYC there's a music festival called AfroPunk - and it's full of black artists, and black people come out in these amazing outfits - and the goal is to incorporate as much African influence as possible

HOBIE WOULD EAT THIS UP.

The inside of his vest being lined with African textile!!

He takes it off in front of you and you see that little pop of that of classic orange-gold color

You just know he's wit it!!!

And the BEADS

(He should wear beads he's royalty compared to the raggedys at HQ)

[Cough] red and white shango beads [Cough]

Imagine Hobie giving his girlfriend a coral bead bracelet too AWWW

And telling them the significance??!!

He loves a woman in a headwrap. GELE ESPECIALLY but any type

And if you wear waistbeads UMMMMMMMM

As soon as he sees it peeking from under your shirt - IT'S GAME OVER

He's gonna wanna test if they working how they supposed to IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW.

AND The FOOD!

First of all - Hobie hates that British manners shit.

Was raised eating with his hands and loves it

He hates old white people who wanna stare cause he eats with his hands

He loves goat. Not me projecting he LOVES goat.

He really appreciates rice based dishes because they can fill you up - and you can't just buy them anywhere

Prefers Waakye to Jollof Rice but still loves Jollof

With FUCK UP some Fufu if he can get it

I say he eats standing up so he's just there at his kitchen counter eating Fufu and the most random shit in his fridge???

Like he'll be eating left over KFC with fufu - like what are you doing??? Thats - not a meal bro

He loves Okra (ew nasty ass) and he'll eat it all the time.

Especially fried okra but okra soup is cool too he's fine with that

His fried plantains go INSANE. They go SO HARD. They're to die for

He always picks the sweetest ones and it cooks them till they're all caramelized and shit YUMMMMM

(can you tell I like my plaintains sweet and soft cause I DO)

Extra Headcanons

He was not playing that when Gwen first came over - as soon as she stepped on the houseboat with shoes he was like "Girl-"

The first time Peter B. heard him speaking Yoruba he went "Wow, Hobie, Your Nigerian is great!"

Hobie, who already hates Peter B, looked at him like he was the dumbest mfer on earth like

'Right, and you speak American, right? Fucking bellend. I hate you. 'Nigerian'. It's Yoruba.'

(He's only saying that cause he hates Peter personally and wants him to have a bad day)

Meanwhile Gwen was nice enough to just ask "What language is that?" (The correct way to do it, do not assume language names like Peter)

First time he went over to Peter B.'s place (on Gwen's insistence), Mary-Jane accidentally swept over his feet before setting her purse on the floor

and in the moment he knew he had to leave.

He's a streetkid, but since he's in the neighborhood so much he has like 45 different women he calls auntie - and they make sure he has good food to eat because 'you are so skinny! you need to eat more.'

He does that auntie shit where you're walking with him and you see someone you know and now they're in a long ass conversation

Or when he says 'goodbye' then stands by the door having a conversation and you're standing there in your coat like....'fam are we out or not cause i can sit back down'.

He always goes to meet the elders of whatever house he's in to introduce himself, very respectful of black elders and enjoys helping old the older black folk in his neighborhood.

He enjoys giving them respect and hearing their stories, helping around the house. Plus he gets great food out of it

ANNDD That's all of them I think!! Sorry if any of these were off the mark - a lot of these are from personal things I know about West Africa and things learned through Spirituality. I hope I got everything okay!

Thanks for this by the way I LOVE Hobie and culture you know he'd be SO proud!!

[If you've read this far - maybe take some time out to learn a bit about African religions - they're beautiful practices (open to black people - we're worshipping black ancestors) - but you can still learn about them and understand how modern culture often demonizes these types of religions. If anything, I hope you learned a little from this! Hoodoo, Vodun (VooDoo), and Santeria (Latino witchcraft) are not scary, dark practices!] And because I spoke about spirituality, imma put this here cause DO not be playing yknowwhatimean

🧿

#I love talking about African Spirituality I hope I did it alright and justice #Most Vodou practitioners I know are Haitan so excuse any differences #no proofread as usu #hobie brown #hobie brown headcanons #spider punk #spiderpunk #across the spiderverse #atsv #across the spider verse

[splatsvilles-fashionista]

I Can't Stop Thinking About Mr. Grizz In Space

I'll preface all that I am going to say with the fact that Return of the Mammalians as a story has a lot of problems. Its pacing is kind of wack and basically all of the actual plot happens literally at the end. I think I like it more than most, certainly more than a lot of other high-profile Splatoon blogs here, but there's no denying it has a ton of flaws.

It did, however, leave me with a lot to chew on, and perhaps one of the things it has had me thinking about the most is actually just a little gag in the credits

About three minutes into the credits, Mr. Grizz is shown slowly orbiting around earth, given so little thought that the credits roll right over him, but I genuinely think this is one of the most poignant and evocative images in the whole game.

Now, Mr. Grizz wasn't handled very well in this game, primarily as a consequence of that whole "all of the story happens in the ending sequence" thing, but I think that conceptually he is about as perfect of a villain as they could've made for the supposed "finale" of the story they've been building up to now.

One of Splatoon's primary themes, especially with its villains, has been the dangers of clinging to the past. Octavio is a bitter old warlord stoking the flames of a long-gone conflict mostly to satisfy his bruised ego. Commander Tartar is obsessed with an idealized version of the past and seeks to remake the present when it can't live up to that ideal, even when that ideal never existed. Splatoon 3 even went further, revealing that inklings, octolings, and all the other land-living sea life are in fact humanity's truest successors, and Tartar tried to wipe them all out anyway.

Mr. Grizz continues this trend and takes it maybe as far as possible because he doesn't just want to reshape the present, he sees it as something unnatural and wrong on a base fundamental level, a mistake that can only be resolved by restoring the status quo, giving the planet back to the mammals. Coming as close as possible to literally turning back time. With Splatoon's focus on youth culture and pop media, it's hard not to read this theme as an allegory for the ways that older generations can cause immense harm in rejecting the new and in making futile attempts to grasp a world that once was but never can be again.

But Splatoon isn't trying to tell us that the divides between us are unmendable, far from it. Over the course of the first two games we see how inklings and octolings grow closer and closer until it's a complete afterthought in the third game, and even Octavio, when push comes to shove, is willing to bury the hatchet for the greater good. Calamari Inktantation 3MIX is perhaps the purest expression of this, a mix of old and new, a traditional folk song turned into a pop song, complemented by three artists that each pull from completely different cultures (Frye = India, Shiver = Japan, Big Man = Brazil) all mixed together by a 100+ years old DJ. Calamari Inktantation is old and new, pop and traditional, Inkopolis and Splatsville, octoling and inkling (and manta ray), in a chaotic, messy, beautiful swirl of sheer ecstatic joy. As a song, it is peak Splatoon, clear and simple.

But this isn't about Calamari Inktantation 3MIX, as excited about that song as I am, this is about Mr. Grizz, and after spending so many games exploring the dangers of clinging to the past, Splatoon 3 uses him to show us what happens when you cannot let go.

Mr. Grizz could not accept the present he found himself in. To him it was wrong, it was offensive, and he fought tooth and claw to bring it back with him, into the past, to the glory days, and he fails. Of course he fails, you can't stop time, much less turn it back, and the people of the present will always fight to protect their future. So where does that leave him?

Alone. Gazing down at a planet he was born on but can no longer recognize. From his orbit, he can see thousands, maybe millions, of little lights along the coastlines, each one an entire city, buzzing with life and all of its eccentricities. It's a world that would probably welcome him, if he gave it the chance. But he didn't. He rejected it and sought to return to a time and a place that no longer existed, and in so doing, all he achieved was isolating himself. And now, as he circles the world, all he can do is watch as it moves on without him.

#splatoon 3 #return of the mammalians #mr grizz #return of the mammalians spoilers #rotm spoilers

[starryluminary]

A very warm welcome to my very first collab: The NoCo Sleepy-Time Collaboration! Both artists and authors alike are welcome to join and celebrate these two unbelievable dorks!

How we're workin'

If you want to participate, send me a direct message and specify if you'll be participating as an artist or an author. You're only allowed to be one or the other, for the sake of letting as many people participate as possible.

Communication is important! If you claim a spot and can't participate anymore, please let me know as soon as possible to allow the opportunity to someone else! If I don't receive a response from you in a timely manner, I will assume you've dropped out and give your spot in the collaboration to someone else.

The deadline for submissions is Wednesday January 3rd, 11:59 AST (Atlantic Standard Time.) The final collaboration would then be posted by January 5th.

General Submission Guidelines

Noah and Cody on the Sleepy-Time theme. Interpret it however you want, but keep on theme! Be as creative as you wish!

That being said, don't cross the line of indecency. I'd like to make this as inclusive as possible, so keep it pg-13! Dirtiness and gore to an absolute minimum, please.

No matter the type of submission, you can send it to me either through Tumblr's messaging system or my Discord! (starryluminary_49344)

FOR ARTISTS: The drawing must be full body and have a transparent background. Should a traditional artist need help making a transparent PNG, I am willing to help! Just make sure its a clean picture or a scan! It's preferred if you send your submission through Discord for the highest quality, but feel free to send it through Tumblr if you don't mind the slightly lower quality.

FOR AUTHORS: Keep it to a oneshot. It can be as long or as short as you'd like, just as long as it can be read in... one shot. You can even make a poem if that's more your speed! You'll have to pick a short section of the fic (preferably not over three sentences) that encompasses it to be displayed in the final collaboration. For the sake of diversity, feel free to assign it a font, as well!

You have full freedom to post your submission after it's done and submitted! Each and every entry, other than being displayed grouped, will have its own spotlight highlighting it's creator. Creators will be tagged and anything posted will be linked appropriately. If any of this discomforts you, you can always be referred to as anonymous!

That's about it! Any and everyone is welcome to join, I just ask you be kind not only to your dear host (me) but to everyone else involved. Feel free to ask questions if I didn't make things clear enough. I can't wait to work with you all! Have fun and good luck!!

ARTIST SLOTS AVAILABLE: 9/20

AUTHOR SLOTS AVAILABLE: 9/15

Closed!! Thank you all for your participation and enthusiasm for this collaboration!! <3

#WERE HERE AT LAST BABY #noco sleepy time collab #total drama #total drama noah #td noah #total drama cody #td cody #cody anderson #noco #total drama noco #td noco #I hope we can have fun!!