Tumgik
#property by will without her husband's consent
wonder-worker · 2 months
Text
Here’s the thing I need people to understand:
Even if we believe that the (entirely unproven and far too politically convenient) pre-contract story between Edward IV and Eleanor Talbot was true, it doesn’t actually matter. Even if it was hypothetically true, there was still no reason why Edward V – who was already King at that point and was referred to as such – couldn’t have been able to succeed his father regardless.
David Horspool (Richard's own historian) summarizes it better than I could, so I’m just quoting him here:
"[Richard also made] no allowance for any potential solution to the problem that might have re-legitimized Edward V and his siblings. These included securing a retrospective canonical or papal judgement of the invalidity of the pre-contract; an Act of Parliament legitimizing the children of Edward and Elizabeth Woodville’s marriage, as happened to Henry VIII’s variously tainted offspring; or even ignoring the issue and proceeding to the coronation of Edward V, which would legitimize him by making him the Lord’s anointed, and render allegations of his bastardy as newer versions of the old tittle-tattle about his father."
In short, even if Edward IV truly had a pre-contract with Eleanor Talbot, and even if all of his children with Elizabeth Woodville were supposedly illegitimate, it should by no means prevent Edward V from succeeding his father to the throne. If Richard truly wanted to support his nephew, he had a variety of useful and entirely workeable options to choose from. Instead, he officially declared his nieces and nephews (including a literal 3-year-old) illegitimate, kept Edward V and his even younger brother confined in the Tower of London, and declared himself King.
Why didn't Richard take these actions, all of which he would have been well aware of? As Horspool says simply: "that Richard took none of these courses was because he had no interest in doing so."
The ONLY conclusion we can come to based on Richard's actions is summarized most succinctly by A.J Pollard:
"The truth of the matter is that Richard III did not want Edward V to be legitimate because he did not want him to be king."
48 notes · View notes
ride-thedragon · 7 months
Text
A lack of Nuance for Rhaenyra and Criston.
Tumblr media
I don't know when this fandom came together for the group agreement that anything that occurred between these two should not be viewed past superficial lenses that draw to the worst possible conclusions for them both, but I didn't sign it.
This fallout is so emotional, bitter, and unfortunate that to only see it within the views of making these characters, the worst versions of themselves is a disservice to one of the better plots the writers wrote.
Their Society
Rhaenyra and Criston exist in the intersections of women and men and princess/heir and knight. The assumption that any necessary conclusion about their dynamic can happen outside of either one of these dynamics leads to really reductive takes. For example, everyone's favorite misinterpretation, their sex scene.
Rhaenyra is a woman. She is the property of her dad and then her husband. She doesn't escape that as heir to the realm. Had Rhaenyra married anyone who didn't care about her or put their explicit permission with her about her virtue, she would've been devalued in that relationship.
Screwing a princess, the heir, especially, is crazy. He put his life at risk doing that. Not to mention him being a Dornish King's Guard. Not only is he expected to be a sexual deviant, but he's sworn an oath to be celibate. So when they do sleep together, he's breaking a sacred oath with the underlying stereotype that he would.
Because he is a man, his consequence would lie solely on him breaking his vow, not with sleeping with Rhaenyra. In one of the craziest hypotheticals I've seen with y'all come up with, if Rhaenyra said Criston assaulted her, he's an oath breaker who deflied a princess and a rapist. She is still viewed as less of a prized bride without her virtue.
Like book Lancel, who says,
"A Frey girl, and not of my choosing, she is not even a maiden."
There is a stigma that virtue makes a girl more or less desirable.
The risk for each of them would never be equal for many reasons, but the risk is still there and does involve consequences. It holds as much risk for each character as it could given their positions.
Our Society
Power imbalance
He knew her at 14, and she chose him to be her protector at 15, and he's been that for her about 4/ 5 years when we see them consumate their relationship. He's older than her and more experienced.
Rhaenyra holds a lot of power as well. As a princess who appointed him to his position, there could have been a sense of obligation or coercing purely based on the what-if consequences if he had said no.
The back and forth in our world is the ability for either party to truly consent, a debate that, although it holds a lot of nuance, y'all can't seem to process past each other. These ideas co exist and make the dynamic interesting.
Emotion
These two are each other's closest companions at this time. Rhaenyra has been formal and frigid towards Alicent, and Criston is her constant company. She's also been on tour to find her husband, with him being her closest confidant.
The escalation of their relationship and denial or regret for either of them after sleeping together has them losing that relationship.
It's an extremely delicate boundary they both risk when they start to sleep together, one that is eventually lost.
The SA Part
I just wanna talk.
Tumblr media
Coercing, as I understand it, is the most extreme thing you can say happened between them. You'd still be wrong.
The risk I mentioned earlier applies to both of them. If Criston had turned her away, which he could've done after she kissed him, she would've lost that same emotional dependence.
A breakdown of what happened:
She starts to open her top, he says stop, and she does.
She then starts to take off his glove cuff thing.
She looks at him, raises his head, and kisses him again, something to which he fully responds to and they start doing what they do.
At no point is there a lack of understanding that they could stop. Neither of them want to stop.
Then you say the helmet and door thing before so I'll allow it.
Tumblr media
If he took up his helmet and walked out, she wouldn't restrain him. She'd be hurt and rejected, but she would not force him.
He literally takes his cloak from her, contemplates his movement, and lets it go to remove his shoulder pads. The visual language plays into him, choosing desire over honor, not him being forced into something he doesn't want to do.
At no point are the visual, audio, or character actions indicating assault or coercion.
Let it die here, please.
The Incel Accusations
Tumblr media
I'm gonna be disrespectful before I'm serious again.
Fabien's mug? Involuntary Celibate? There is no correlation between those two questions.
Tumblr media
Stop it. Let's be serious and say it, 5 minutes in a room with Criston, any 1 out of 3, would put an end to those accusations, and I'm tired of y'all acting like it wouldn't.
Words lose meaning all the time, but incel would mean he's a violent misogynist who takes his inability to have sex out on women.
He's might be homophobic (a joke) but he's not a woman abuser. His closest relationship in the show is Alicent, and it was a mutually beneficial decision they came to that to maintain his deeply respected position as a King's Guard, with which he returns to his vow of chosen celibacy.
The one time he uses a slur against a woman, he's trash-talking Rhaenyra with Alicent, saying it and immediately corrects himself with a pause in the conversation, saying it's beneath him.
They are both angry, but he corrects himself for going to a place beneath their conversation, showing that he respects her contribution and their discussions enough to be weary of vulgarity.
Criston, as a character.
Criston, as a character, is loyal, loving, and emotional. We see this with the way Alicent speaks to him, the way he speaks to Rhaenyra, even the conversation with him and Daemon. He's a reactive and emotional man.
We see the darkness in that with Ser Joffrey and Lord Beesburry. With the way we see him holding that grudge against Rhaenyra. We see it with the way he interacts with Rhaenyra's kids through Alicent’s.
Him wanting to run away with her isn't him desperately trying to seek comfort with his abuser.
It's him trying to come to terms with the fact that he's made a big, emotional sacrifice, and he can't justify it within himself.
His proposal doesn't align with her wants, and they fall apart. He's reactive and emotional and blames her. It's still his conflicting beliefs and actions.
He attacks Joffrey because of that. He tries to kill himself because of that. When Alicent finds him, she becomes a beacon in which he can earn forgiveness, away from Rhaenyra and can set the conflict to rest within himself. He chooses the King's Guard.
And he's loyal to that forgiveness to a fault, something Alicent knows, which is why she can vouch on, "with everything you feel for me,".
Is he wrong? Yes, on multiple occasions, but he's allowed to be. He's a flawed character in a flawed society.
Rhaenyra, as a character
I've never seen a character so consciously misrepresented by her fans and detractors. She's either Satan herself or the mother Mary reinvisioned. Let's go over this.
She is entitled. She uses that entitlement to her benefit. She is emotional but logical and plays to her strengths. She also has a dimension of naiveté all throughout her life. She's living to a fault.
Step by step for everything.
She sleeps with Daemon at his wife's funeral
She gains her father's favor in a fight against her maimed brother and disrespected son where she openly acknowledged it.
She let's Rhaenys think that she killed her son to marry Daemon and let him buy into the fire and blood sentiment because she knows him.
She leaves King's Landing for six years and expects her highly contested crown.
Her weakness is always the people she loves. From episode one to episode ten, it is her way. With Alicent, the best example, she always forgives her and always pushes past any ill intent to gain her favor back.
Their Interactions
So we have a spoiled naive princess who loves people entirely, and her companion, whose loyalty she comes to rely on, so much that she risks her reputation with him and who becomes her closest confidante.
She names him a King's Guard and her guard, and they get closer. He's attentive and caring to her, and she's loving and naive.
When they fall apart, he views her for reasons said above as a representation of his temptation and straying from his current path. She used him for her own gain and didn't want their relationship to progress past what he was deeply ashamed and conflicted over.
When they drift apart, he causes a highly dangerous event, killing her husband's lover, creating a bridge in their early marriage that she can't afford to mend with the expectations of her as heir. He abandons her and becomes close to her friend, who even though she reached out to her, still not trusting her. He then completely gave Alicent that loyalty, leaving Rhaenyra alone at a tumultuous and anticipated time in her life, isolated.
Love and Loss
They loved each other. Argue with your family members, and maybe they'll care about your rebuttal, but I don't. They love each other in very similar ways they go on to love the people they truly love.
It was young and emotional and naive, and when it was over, in its place, grows confusion and bitter resentment.
Rhaenyra has to move on for the sake of her kids and new life, but Criston can't because his life now is in opposition to who he used to be, which is symbolized by Rhaenyra.
A fair conclusion
They are characters. Stop being weirdos about them. They are both deeper than y'all, allowing them to be and had a really dynamic place in each other's lives. They are both greatly misrepresented by their sides and foes. And y'all would have a lot more fun if you didn't do that.
72 notes · View notes
autolenaphilia · 2 years
Text
Misandry is not real
Apparently some of the transmisandry/androphobia people have evolved into believing in just plain old misandry now.
Which is such an absurd concept, because we live in a patriarchy. Misandry is the idea that men are oppressed for being men. And the problem with that is that they are not. Not that men can't be oppressed, but they are oppressed for other reasons.
Tumblr media
For fuck's sake. I realize not everyone has had my experiences of listening to men talk while they believe i'm one of them while actually listening with critical distance and being secretly horrified. But come on.
cw for discussions of rape, because i have to explain some things.
The father joking about shooting his daughter's boyfriends is a jokey expression of ownership over his daughter. It's the old misogynist idea that daughters are the property of their fathers until they get married and become property of their husbands. And fathers are still often a bit uncomfortable with their daughters exercising autonomy in who they choose to date and marry. The dad wants her to only marry a man he approves of. And that sentiment is expressed in a joke.
And like men are worried over other men being predatory and raping "their" women, but it's again an expression of ownership over women. Misogynist men view women as a resource men compete over. And are offended by rape only when it's committed by other men and they view it as essentially theft. Like until the 1960s rape was defined legally as only happening outside of marriage (and these laws took decades to change, these legal reforms just started in the 60s). Husbands could force sex from their wives as much as they want. The worry was solely about men raping women who belonged to other men. Due to white supremacy, this is often expressed in fears of black men raping white women, who are seen as belonging to white men.
And you can see this in how narratives of rape are still focused on the "stranger danger". The weirdo in a ski mask hiding in the bushes. Despite rape being way more often committed by boyfriends and husbands. The weirdo hiding in the bushes is a way of externalizing the problem of rape upon men coded autistic or mentally ill, which is ableism not misandry.
And the threat is not seen as exclusively coming from other men. Cis lesbians are still seen as women, and a part of lesbophobia is them being accused of being sexual predators against other women. That's not misandry. The fear over sapphic trans women raping cis women is just a particularly virulent form of that. It's particularly bad because sapphic trans women live at the intersection of misogyny, transphobia and lesbophobia.
Masculinity is full of fears about women being threatened by rape. But this is not a concern about men having sex with women without consent in general. If a man are seen as the rightful owner of a woman he can rape her as much as he wants. So it's not about misandry about men as a group. It's about other men violating that ownership, and the men who are bad in these narratives are viewed as such because of things like race.
These other negative stereotypes that men supposedly believe about themselves, queer people like me and the transmasc writing the post i quoted might view them as solely negative. And we do that for good reason. But I don't think that's how the men who internalize these ideas about masculinity sees them. Instead they are viewed as positives.
Their anger and aggression is righteous, men need it to defend family and nation against aggressors. The "stupidity" is seen in anti-intellectual terms as a clear focus on the facts and common sense as opposed to ivory tower academic theorizing that have lost contact with reality (such as gender studies and queer theory). Conservative Masculine men often have a fascistoid contempt for weakness (i wish harald ofstad was translated to english), so having little empathy for suffering is seen as good. Empathizing with women, trans people or immigrants is seen as making you vulnerable to manipulation from them. The narrative of the trans woman asking to be seen as a woman and be let into women's bathrooms to commit rape is a good example of this kind of anti-empathy narrative. There is similar rhetoric about immigrants.
And the thing about how men should either die in war or work hard to provide for their family. These things are seen as positive by mainstream society, men are glorified as heroes for doing them. And such work is glorified in a way that women's work is not. Like i'm a leftist and thus critical both of militarism and capitalist ideology about work, but those are the problem, not some mythical misandry.
Outside of some feminist spaces, (cis) men being masculine is seen as a good thing. And those deemed men by society are punished for not fulfilling them. Feminists see those same stereotypes as being bad. Masculinity does limit men, but it also is an expression of power in a patriarchy. It gives them a license to do horrible things towards women. Not just women of course, masculinity also legitimatizes violence against non-binary people, and even other men as masculinity plays a huge part in homophobia but also racism.
(gods, considering the rhetoric i've seen sometimes, I, a proud trans woman, will probably be accused of being a terf for writing this, which is basic feminist analysis. LIke people have no idea of what radfem ideology actually means, and confuse like basic feminist analysis with radfem appropriation of that analysis. Like the actual problems with radfem ideology like bioessentialism, transmisogyny and swerfery seem to not be part of some people's terf spotting radar. )
Tumblr media
Speaking of transmisogyny, this is what made me really angry with this post, because it's personal.
I don't know how to put this gently, but saying that transmisogyny is actually due to hatred of men is actually really transmisogynistic. This is not the only post on the interwebs that do this, not by far, but it's galling everytime.
This is not even the worst of it, because at least it partially attributes our oppression to misogyny.
But this kind of rhetoric is still misgendering trans women. It defines us in the discussion of our oppression through the misgendering rhetoric of transmisogynists. It claims to oppose transmisogyny as it furthers it, gives weight to its rhetoric.
It takes transmisogynist claims at face value. Like the basic claim of terf rhetoric is that "We are just concerned about men hurting women, and trans women are men, so they have to kept from female spaces." And these posts just accepts the idea that this kind of thing is aimed at men, except its clearly not, because men aren't hurt by this in the slightest, trans women are. Men aren't seen as infiltrating women's spaces to rape them, trans women are. Men aren't excluded from public spaces by things like bathrooms bans, trans women are.
When you can't go to the bathroom safely, you are efffectively excluded or at least strongly limited from going out in public.
The problem is that it imagines transmisogyny as solely consisting of iinterpersonal interactions and hateful rhetoric instead of a system of structural oppression that turns transfems into a discriminated and oppressed underclass in all patriarchal societies.
And transfems is an underclass that don't have their own oppression in common with cis men, as this "transmisogyny is actually misandry" ideaimplies, but in fact are oppressed by them.
It's basically a claim that doesn't believe trans women are women, but gender non-conforming men. It's basically saying If trans women don't pass as cis, and are therefore misgendered as men, that means we are oppressed as men. It thus furthers the inherent transmisogyny in that misgendering. It ignores our womanhood to discuss our being oppressed as men. It's absurd since cis men aren't at all oppressed like we are.
Again, men can be oppressed, but they aren't oppressed for being men and trans women definitely aren't oppressed for being men. A meaningful solidarity in fighting oppression between some trans women and some men can be grounded in other forms of oppression that affect members of both groups like racism or ableism or transphobia, but there is no single oppression of misandry that unites them.
Cis men are just not treated like trans women are. Misgendering us as men is not giving us the male privilege they have. That kind of misgendering rhetoric is a way to hurt us with words instead of some honest description of the the violence that is being enacted upon us.
I'm not saying that gender non-conforming men (and homophobia against gay men is strongly related to that) aren't oppressed. But they are not oppressed for being men, they are oppressed for their gender non-conformity. And the hatred and disgust against men for being feminine is strongly related to misogyny, because being feminine or womanlike is seen as bad or lesser.
That's because misogyny is a fundamental part of how a patriarchal society operates. Misandry is not real.
524 notes · View notes
haggishlyhagging · 6 months
Text
Most medieval discussions of the clitoris were written by men, largely for an audience of other men. In this context, discussions of orgasm and how women experience it are entirely focused on the ends that men require: progeny. They are not about sex for pleasure but about how to elicit a specific bodily response. Hence we can understand why the clitoris would be overlooked in medical manuals, because the only time anyone really needed to consider what women experienced during sex was as a medical hurdle to be overcome. Orgasms existed to make babies, and you needed to start worrying about that only when the babies didn't arrive. Until that point, why consider how a woman might orgasm at all?
The theory that orgasm is required for conception has truly disturbing and dehumanizing aspects. When it came to women making their livelihoods as sex workers (about whom we will speak more in Chapter 4), it was often said that they could not become pregnant. That idea had a doubly deleterious influence for the women in question. First, it encouraged men to not consider the paternal implications of penis-in-vagina sex with the women they hired. Second, it classed sex workers as individuals outside the bonds of ordinary sex. Incapable of pleasure and driven solely by an interest in money, such women could safely be ignored, as they had jettisoned even the grasping lustfulness of the usual woman.
Medieval thinkers admitted that in some rare cases, sex workers did manage to find love with a man. In these cases, romantic love was said to rekindle her sexual interest and therefore her ability to procreate. Still, the women in question were wholly sidelined. They are passive sexual beings, waiting either for money from their clients or for romantic solace from any man who deigns to have them and let them once again become "real" women, a state determined by their ability to have children.
Equally distressing were the implications for victims of rape that orgasm was required for pregnancy. Rape was largely thought of as a property dispute between men, with the aggrieved party being the man who lawfully held the woman in question as a part of his house. The wronged party could therefore be a father (or other male family member) or a husband. With this understanding, for rape to be made right, the woman must simply be returned to the man whose authority she is designated under, be that her father or fiancé, and "pay the price of her purity," which is to say a fine to the man in question. This concept makes the very definition of rape malleable. Aquinas does not differentiate, for example, between an unmarried woman who is taken from her parents' house and forcibly raped, or a woman who is taken from her parents' house and subsequently decides to have what we term consensual sex, and what Aquinas calls the "act of fornication." Further, if a woman is taken from her parents' house and decides to marry her abductor without the consent of her parents, that too is rape. The key to the definition is the consent of the man who is perceived as controlling the woman in question.
Medieval thinkers generally agreed that rape was a grave crime and that women who were attacked could not have pleasure from the sex act. However, women who had been attacked, and were by all discernible means greatly distressed, sometimes became pregnant. The philosopher William of Conches (ca. 1090-1155/70) came up with an explanation for why pregnancy could happen: "although raped women dislike the act in the beginning, in the end, however, from the weakness of the flesh, they like it." In other words, if a woman became pregnant following her rape, it meant she had ultimately enjoyed herself.
This sneering approach to the distress of women certainly has roots in the general concept of humans as sinful creatures driven by base instincts, the hallmark of Christianity as a whole. It also speaks to the fact that women were understood to be much more prone to such weakness than were men. Attributing "pleasure" to a woman during sex could as easily be turned into a tool to shame her after a traumatic event, as it could be used to encourage loving men to consider the needs of their partners during sex.
-Eleanor Janega, The Once and Future Sex: Going Medieval on Women’s Roles in Society
25 notes · View notes
adrianasunderworld · 2 years
Text
Alright, so the Riddle mom becomes headmage au. That, with the other au I wrote where Miss Yuu becomes close with Leonas sister in law, the queen.
Asha has not heard from either Leona or Yuu in weeks. She is confused and worried, because before hand it was constant communication with them. And then she gets a letter from Leona in the mail, express shipping and everything. Inside the envelope was letters from both of them, going into detail about what had happened. About Mrs.Rosehearts take over of the school. About her taking their personal devices. The strict dietery regulations she put everyone on. The verbal and emotional abuse she put on underprivileged students like Ruggie and Deuce. About how this was the only way they could think to contact her without attracting the ire of the new headmistress. When she finished both their letters, Asha saw red.
After showing Falena the letters, and getting into contact with the royal families lawyers, Asha left for the Isle of Sages. She did not announce she was coming. She didn’t want to give this woman the time to rug sweep a thing. It was good thing too, because she caught her in the act. 
“Once again, Mr.Spade, you have proven your mothers loose morals has passed on to you. I have half a mind to expel you already!”
“That’s not fair!” Yuu yelled back at her. “You’re over reacting and you know it!”
“And you!” She turned her attention to the Prefect. “Miss Yuu, you are in no position to speak. You are talentless,magicless, and a thorn in my side!”
“Is that so?” Asha said as she walked through the courtyard. 
Yuu grinned from ear to ear. “Asha!” She ran over and hugged the woman, all sense of propriety thrown out the window. 
Mrs. Rosehearts face went pale as she curtsied. “Queen Kingscholar! Forgive me, I-I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Yes, I’m sure you weren’t” Asha looked dawn at the woman, her feline eyes slitted. A predator sizing up prey. “Headmage Rosehearts, do you always use such unprofessional language when talking to students? Why do you feel the need to bring the poor boys mother into this?” She asked, standing so she was protectively in front of Yuu and Deuce.
“Of course not, your majesty. It was simply a lapse in judgment.” 
“All we were doing was eating snacks.” Deuce grumbled.
Mrs.Rosehearts glared at him, before catching herself and putting on a false smile. “Forgive me, the courtyard is no place for this discussion.” 
---
“I really quite distressed when I hadn’t heard from Leona or Yuu for so long. As a mother yourself, Madame Rosehearts, I’m sure you can understand how worrying it is when you have no way to contact your children.” 
“Yes well, I very recently banned all smart devices from campus to avoid distractions.”
“Which brings me to the matter at hand. Neither I or my husband consented to that.” 
“Pardon?”
“Neither I,” Asha said more slowly as is the other woman was dumb. “ or my husband, ever consented to that. Leona may be twenty. But while he is in school, we are his acting guardians and emergency contact until he is twenty one. You needed our permission to remove communication between us. Also, as Yuus sponsor through school, it was in the agreement that I was to be in regular contact with her. And while we’re at it, you simply have no right to take students private property.” 
“I understand you’re upset, your highness. But as headmistress  I am allowed to create these policies ensure the school runs properly and students receive quality education. I assure you it is all above board.”
“Madame Rosehearts, how stupid do you think I am?” 
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t sit there and talk to me as if I don’t know the law. I make the law. I know very well you you are obligated to notify and receive the consent of the students guardians to do what you do. I know every arcane academy in Twisted Wonderland must report and get approval by the Board of Sorcery. I know the process and that it takes a minimum of six weeks for such drastic changes to be proposed, discussed and approved. and even longer for the paperwork to be processed and implemented. You were not instated as Headmistress for a full month before all communication ceased. So I suggest you act smart as you claim to be and not lie to my face.” 
--
Meanwhile Yuu and Deuce told everyone that Queen Asha was there and they all sat outside the office listing to her continue to go off on Mrs.Rosehearts.
289 notes · View notes
rerinko · 2 days
Text
There may be some slight grammatical errors i'm going to go back over it soon!
Chappell Roan “Good Luck Babe”: The song “Good Luck Babe” by Chappel Roan has blown up online. I personally love the song and I love Chappell Roan. I love seeing any sapphic media in general but especially lesbian specific media. One thing that has come along with the success of this song has been debates online. Debates about comphet, biphobia and lesbiphobia. I couldn't help but join those debates but I quickly learned short form comments aren't the best way to express your opinion coherently.
I saw this one video on TikTok that I can no longer find. It may have been deleted. In this video this bisexual woman on TikTok talked about how she kept seeing this idea that if you identify as bi but you're unfulfilled by relationships with men then you aren't bi. She also brought up how consistently marriage hasn't always been the best for women and just because she is straight doesn't mean a woman will be fulfilled by a relationship with any man. It's also biphobic to say so due those reasons. The lack of fulfillment I reference when talking about the realization that you are a lesbian is very different from the lack of fulfillment straight or bi women can experience in a relationship. A woman who likes men can be unfulfilled in a relationship with a man but that reason does not boil down to the fact that they are a man. If you are a lesbian a man could be perfect, they could provide everything, treat you amazingly, you could even have a good sex life and think you're in love but still no matter what there's something wrong. It's not him or his actions, it's the fact that it's “a him” in the first place. The reason why so many women never realize they're a lesbian is because it's so normalized to be unfulfilled in a relationship with a man. But being is a lesbian not just being unfulfilled with men but being unfulfilled with men in a way that you aren't with women. Straight or bi women have the ability to truly love and be fulfilled by a man. Lesbians do not. This is not to say every relationship is fulfilling. Just because you're with the gender you like, you like this person and you're in a relationship doesn't inherently make the relationship fulfilling. Relationships are complicated and many of them can bring more stress and pain to one's life than love and happiness.
I have seen many TikTok comments say comphet isn't a lesbian only experience and any queer people can experience and I simply do not agree. Lesbians are unique, it is the one sexuality that doesn't include men. The entire world is structured around men, this is a man's world. Women to this day in Canada and the United States can't get sterilized without their husbands consent. Realtors and car salesmen will automatically talk to the husband even if the wife is the one with the money making the purchase. When a woman gets married she takes her husband's last name. From a young age women are socialized to centre their entire life around men. From what we wear, to how we speak, even down to our interests we're taught to change it for the fancy of men. I grew up watching romance movies and I always wanted my own Prince Charming. It seemed like in every show I watched aimed at young girls the happy ending was the main girl getting the guy she wanted. We're never our own people. We are first the property of our fathers then our husbands. But isn't that the issue? When you're a lesbian there is no husband. There is no fairy tale ending, there is no Prince Charming, there's no man to stand up for you against misogynistic men in general. When you realize that you feel like a failure. You want to fit in. You want to talk with your girl friends about your boy crushes and gossip with them. You want to be one of the girls, you want to be normal, you want to like a boy. So you do. You choose one or someone just happens to be available and at first you like the attention. You like the butterflies because you've never held hands romantically before. You even think about him at night and imagine what your first kiss would be like. Then your first kiss actually happens and something feels wrong. You try again and again and nothing makes sense because you thought you liked him. Then you kiss a girl and it all makes sense. I wished I was bisexual, because I at least could've had a chance of marrying a man.
Men can be men. They don't need a wife, sure it's an add on but it's more like a trophy or an accessory they bare. Men can find success while single, they can be respected while single and they don't need their wives consent to do things. Gay men don't have to mourn privileges they will no longer gain because they are gay due to their gender. Men in general will never have to worry about so many things women do. Comphet isn't just being closeted it's about survival in society. It's about you being in denial because your entire life you've been shown there's only one way to be happy and that's to love a man and you'll never love a man. I'm sure all of these issues get even worse in more traditional cultures where men have all of the power making ability.
Bisexual women also face homophobia. I have spent much of this talking about bisexual women liking men but I do want to highlight the fact that bisexual women are also queer. Bisexual women share in the pain of being a queer women. They are often fetitzhed by men even by men they're in relationships and like lesbians assaulted due to the fact they like women. I don't think bisexual women are any less queer than lesbians but I do believe we go through different experiences. We both share the joy and pain of loving women but bisexual women will never understand the pain of not liking men.
Chappell Roan is a lesbian who makes songs about the lesbian experience. I've seen some people talk about the bridge and how they didn't realize it was about a lesbian and instead thought it was about a straight woman.
“When you wake up next to him in the middle of the night
With your head in your hands, you're nothing more than his wife
And when you think about me, all of those years ago
You're standing face to face with "I told you so"
You know I hate to say it, I told you so”
This commenter expanded by saying they just assumed it was about a straight woman who had lost her identity to her husband. I could understand how someone could come to this conclusion after one listen but I think after another few listens you can completely tell this song is about being a closeted lesbian.
This song to me almost feels like a secret summer love affair. One person wants to tell everyone and scream about their love from the rooftops and the other isn't ready to come out. They aren't ready to call what they have love because if they actually admitted it they would be admitting they never truly loved a man. They would have to come to terms with the fact they won't have a “normal” life, they won't have a nuclear family and no matter what not everyone will approve of them. These two people then split down two different paths. One accepts who they are but the other goes on to live a lie. They marry a man despite who they truly are and this bridge is the manifestation of the betrayal of your true self.
Someone's personal interpretation is different from the intended interpretation by the artist. Having your own interpretation is completely valid and it's one of the main things that draws peoples to art. But when art is made with a specific audience in mind actively speaking over those people and saying “oh well I think it's actually about this.” Is just whataboutism. Not everything has to be about everyone and you can relate to something without it being about you.
14 notes · View notes
Note
I couldn’t find the post I first saw sharing the minutes on coverture laws (it’s actually more dowery related it seems) but I managed to find the actual section! Along with Camille and Danton, I forgot Couthon also speaks on the proposal.
https://sul-philologic.stanford.edu/philologic/archparl/navigate/73/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/677/
(The proposal starts at the link but they start talking on page 674)
Thank you so much for sharing! Fun to know where these guys stood on the matter.
Thuriot — I believe that the husband alone should have right to the administration of property, and also be solely responsible for it. Very few women are going to be in a position to manage this administration. However, I would not like the right to be given explicitly by law to the husband; this law would cause discord between the spouses; and the property of women is sufficiently secured, by the mortgage of their dowry, and by the provision of the law which requires their consent for the sale of immoveables.
Lacroix — Citizens, I maintain on the contrary that the common administration must result from the community itself, and that in a free country one cannot keep women in slavery any longer. It is ridiculous that in the society of marriage a single member exclusively administers the family, and that a husband can squander at will the fortune he obtains from his wife
Merlin de Douai — If the Convention adopts the article presented to it by the committee, it would do an absurd and unjust thing, and would introduce perpetual disputes into families. I think that the woman is generally incapable of administering, and that the man has a superiority over her: nature must preserve it…
Danton — I ask that the committee above all tells us what it wants to say by its article.
Cambacérès — The committee means to say that the husband can not dispose of the property of the community without the consent of the wife.
Danton — Well, nothing is more natural.
Garnier — I ask that this proposal be enacted, and, if it has any disadvantages, that they are corrected by the law of divorce.
Camille Desmoulins — I agree. I do not want marital power, which is a creation of despotic governments, to be preserved any longer. In support of my opinion comes this political consideration: it is important to make women love the Revolution, and you will achieve this goal by making them get to enjoy their rights
Couthon — It suffices to have made a few reflections on the nature of man to be convinced that women is born with as much capacity as men; if until now that has been shown less, it is not the fault of nature, but that of our ancient institutions. I further observe that it is ridiculous to refuse the common administration of property to two spouses who can only sell it by common consent.
Thuriot — This law would be so contrary to principles, and so dangerous in its results, that foreigners would no longer wish, as long as it existed, to have commercial transactions with the French. This law would enslave and degrade the man by putting him under the guardianship of the woman. The administration of trust given to her by her husband honors her more than the right she would hold from this law. Moreover, it is important to deeply meditate upon this question. I therefore ask that it be adjourned for three days.
The adjournment is decreed.
30 notes · View notes
pesky--dust · 10 months
Text
I just realized someone had to invite Freddie Lounds to dinner at Hannibal's house in Trou Normand. She was invited there because she wanted to write a book about Abigail's story, but both Hannibal and Will were her legal guardians and wanted their opinions to matter. Dinner was held at Hannibal's house, but the person who had Freddie's business card was Will. So who invited her? Abigail? Hannibal? Will? Both of them since they were her surrogate fathers? Three of them?
Freddie also met Hannibal and Will together at the hospital and at Hobbs' property (where they came by one car), while they were spending time with Abigail, but both of them were almost completely inseparable. She must have been already thinking, "They're married" and "murder husbands" came up later when it turned out that Hannibal was actually the Chesapeake Ripper.
Coming back to the beginning of the post, imagine that conversation that leaded to that dinner:
Hannibal: Will, you are in possession of miss Lounds' business card. She has never given me one. It would be rude of me if I asked you for give me that card and call her by myself. I would suggest we ought talk with her together while using your phone number for doing so.
Will: Lord help me... Fine, fine. *he is calling Freddie Lounds* Miss Lounds, it's Will Graham here.
Freddie: Oh... You finally decided to speak with me?
Will: You can say so. But this isn't about me. Abigail told me and Dr. Lecter you'd like to write a book about her.
Hannibal: Good morning, miss Lounds. I'm sorry for participating in your conversation with Will Graham, however I never received your business card and I thought it would be rude to ask Will to give me one to speak with you without your consent or willingness you showed by not presenting me your business card. However I've asked Special Agent Graham to call you because I'd like to invite you to dinner with the three of us: me, Will Graham and Abigail Hobbs.
Will: Yeah, we think it's in our best interest to speak about that idea in four.
Freddie: Why?
Will: It's not only her story. Doctor Lecter and I are also involved here.
Hannibal: If I may add, I would like to inform you that Will Graham and I are the legal guardians of Abigail Hobbs. It's our responsibility to take care of her and protect her.
Freddie: Oh... I— *she wants to ask about their relationship*
Will: What date do you propose, doctor Lecter?
27 notes · View notes
not-in-the-library · 7 months
Note
Hello, i have some questions about Jimena and Dhriti. first off, how did these two meet? How are giants treated in this world? are they equals with humans? one is more dominant than the other? I know you said that Jimena and Dhriti live in a community, is this a community of giants or humans (or both!) I have so many more questions, but I'll let you answer those ones first.
Jimena and Dhriti met when Dhriti was out doing some field work on behalf of their university. The lodging provided was a repurposed ranger station on the edge of Jimena’s hometown. Jimena covered for their normal delivery man and ended up on the doorstep of her future husband!
Giants and humans are equals in every way. Of course there are prejudiced people out there, but there aren’t any intense baked in caste systems that bar anyone from living the lives they want to. (Though wealth inequality is a huge obstacle for many, neither species is universally more wealthy)
Giant and human culture were developed alongside each other, and they both have as much diversity as real world human cultures do. They’ve been engaged in a happy cultural exchange for thousands of years, and the influences are felt in every aspect of their culture. Music, food, art, clothes, philosophy, architecture, power structures. They all influence each other in an ongoing back and forth.
As far as population goes, there are significantly more humans, as giants tend to have fewer children and understand that a massive population isn’t sustainable.
Jimena’s hometown has had giant residents in the past, but not in her lifetime. That was a long time ago, before they simply moved on to greener pastures that better suited their lifestyles. They did come back to visit, and remained a part of the community, but once they all passed away, no one moved in to take their place. There are large government organizations/guilds that cover the whole map, much like real world rangers, and they always have a mixed species team wherever they’re stationed. This organization is very underfunded, and is nearly nonexistent.
The town that Jimena grew up in is very small and tight knit, so Dhriti has a hard time getting involved. They don’t face much discrimination, and is actually very well liked by everyone who they’ve met with thus far, but are very hesitant to step foot in town. They have mobility issues, and a human town isn’t exactly (giant) ADA compliant. Their cane and moments of rest are enough, but they didn’t work up the courage to find out until after they and Jimena started spending more time together.
Dhriti is met with public politeness and private suspicion. It’s a bit concerning for this young woman to be running around and spending long hours with a giant you’ve only spoken to twice.
There are some unsavory stereotypes associated with giants, particularly human abduction. I don’t want to think too much on trafficking, but it did/does exist in this world, though that’s not where this stereotype comes from.
In the early days of giant and human nations, there were many arranged interspecies marriages, not exclusive to noble families. The couples weren’t expected to bear children (ouch) and often allowed planned infidelity for the sake of heirs. This made an odd line of succession, but was ultimately successful in uniting families and communities across species.
This is long outdated, and is considered a bit barbaric. The narrative in many circles blames gluttonous giants who only wanted to take not only lovely human partners as their own, but also human property. These unions were sometimes secured by placing undue pressure on one side of the family, but it was usually based in economics, with human consent being paramount (though it was the parents who consented, not the actual spouse-to-be).
This stereotype is one of many that giants still have held over them to this day, and Dhriti is acutely aware of that. They don’t make any advances without Jimena explicitly saying she would like to move forward, both because they know that they’re in a position of power over her, and also because they know how disastrous unwanted romance could be for the both of them
13 notes · View notes
sarah-in-disguise · 2 years
Text
Free
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader (past), Bucky Barnes x Female Reader (present)
Warnings: pregnant reader, time in a hospital, a super brief mention of childbirth, character dies of old age, a few swear words, and a little angst with lots of fluff
Summary: Building a life with Bucky has been everything you could’ve dreamed and more.  When Steve wants to give you and Bucky closure, will you take it?
Word Count: 6399 (this got way out of hand, but I couldn’t stop!)
A/N: After seeing people enjoy Run, I decided to write up a sequel tying up a few loose ends.  Since this is Run’s sequel, you should definitely take a few minutes to read that first.  At the end of the day, I’m just a sucker for all the angst followed by all the fluff.  Lastly, there are two written letters referenced in this.  Both of them are italicized so they stick out.  Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do NOT consent to have my work posted, translated or published to any third-party site or app.  This is a work of fiction and I do not own any characters in this story.  By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.  Moodboard picture sources are Google and Canva.
Make sure to check out my masterlist!
Tumblr media
“Bucky?”  After a few seconds without a response, you let out a huff and try once again to get up.  You’ve been trying to get out of this rocking chair on your front porch for the last five minutes, but your giant stomach makes everything harder these days.  With another kick to your bladder, you rock yourself back and forth a few more times hoping momentum will work in your favor.
It doesn’t.
“BUCK!”  Finally, you hear a crash followed by rushed footsteps.  Bursting through the front door, Bucky skids to a stop in front of you.  It’s a few days away from your due date, and he’s extra jumpy because of it.
“What do you need?  Is it time?  Do we need to go to the hospital?”  
“No, Bucky, I need you to help me out of this chair.”  You wince as your daughter delivers another swift kick inside you while Bucky helps you up.  “If your daughter doesn’t stop kicking soon, I may need to live in the bathroom until she comes out.”
With one hand on your arm and one on the small of your back, Bucky guides you inside and to the bathroom.  “How come whenever she’s making you uncomfortable, she’s my daughter?”  A smirk grows on Bucky’s face before he continues.  “Last time I checked, you had just as much to do with this as I did.”
You sigh in relief as the bathroom comes into view.  “Because until she’s made it to the outside world and we can take equal responsibility for her, she’s yours when she’s annoying.” 
Bucky lets out a chuckle before pausing at the bathroom door.  “Fair enough.  Are you good from here?”
“Yes, but can you get me something to eat while you wait?  Sarah brought over those brownies earlier.  Do we still have ice cream?”  Before Bucky can respond, you have another idea.  “Oh, and can you crumble potato chips on the top?  And add a drizzle of chocolate syrup!”
“Are you feeling OK?”  Bucky puts his hand on your forehead like he’s checking your temperature.  Another sly smirk appears before he adds, “that’s the most normal pregnancy craving you’ve had in months.”
You scoff as you shut the bathroom door.  “Remember, your baby, Barnes!”  Thankful for the railings Bucky and Sam temporarily installed in your bathroom a few months ago, you do your business in peace and hoist yourself up to wash your hands.
As you settle into the couch and wait for Bucky to return with your latest craving, you think back to how you got where you are today - new house, new husband, and baby on the way.
After making the decision to settle in Louisiana, you spent about a month looking at houses.  When you couldn’t find the perfect place to settle, Sarah offered some of her and Sam’s family property to build on.  Both Bucky and Sam were hesitant about living so close together, but you, Sarah, Cass, and AJ quickly convinced them it was exactly what you needed.
A few months later when the foundation was poured, Bucky brought you over for a sunset picnic to celebrate being one step closer to finishing the house.  After a bad pun comparing your relationship to the house foundation, Bucky was down on one knee.  You couldn’t say no to Bucky (or his bad puns), and a few weeks later you were married in front of your immediate family, the Wilson’s, and a few of your close friends.
When you started to feel sick a few weeks later on your honeymoon, you did the math and realized you were late.  After a few too many rounds of “what are you late for, beautiful?”, Bucky sprinted to the nearest pharmacy to pick up every brand of pregnancy test he could find.  He insisted you take all five and all five came back positive.  You were both ecstatic - after all, if you were going to make changes in your life, why not go all in?
While you enjoyed the celebrations, there were still rough moments to work through.  Bucky had made progress with Dr. Raynor but there were still nights he woke up with memories he’d rather forget.  He also had doubts about becoming the father your baby deserved, but you shot those thoughts down pretty quickly.
On the flip side, Bucky was there for your moments of uncertainty.  You had moved past the majority of things Steve did - after all, it’s what led you to the life you’ve built with Bucky.  What was harder to get past was the doubt that crept in.  You knew Steve had left to build a life with Peggy, but not knowing the full reason sometimes kept you up at night.  Was it because she would be a better wife?  Or maybe he didn’t think you would be a good mother.  Thankfully, Bucky was just as fast to calm your nerves and remind you how much you meant to him and your soon to be family of three.
A few months later, you mutually decided to find out if you were having a boy or a girl.  You’d never seen Bucky get as emotional as when you found out you were expecting a beautiful and healthy baby girl.  Unfortunately, that excitement faded when your doctor started asking about Bucky’s serum.  After bringing Dr. Cho in to run additional tests, Bucky was relieved that the only thing your baby inherited from his serum was a slightly increased growth rate and a watered-down version of his super strength.  You were not so relieved when that transferred into an extra large baby to carry and intense kicks as your daughter tried to escape her cramped living quarters.
After that doctor appointment, Bucky and Sam put in extra hours with the construction crew to get your house ready as soon as possible.  The house was finished about a month ago giving you plenty of time to unpack, nest, and get ready for your baby girl.
All these events led to this evening and trying (and failing) to get comfortable on your extra large, super-soldier sized couch.  Bucky walked around the corner with two bowls just in time to see you wince as you tried to find a spot that gave you any relief.  After handing you a bowl, Bucky eased down next to you.  “I think after we’re done eating, it’s time for a bath and a massage.”  You couldn’t stop the smile forming on your face.  You were definitely living your best life with Bucky.
Before you could get too excited, your doorbell rings.  With a quick kiss to your forehead, Bucky was running to grab the door.  To your surprise, you heard Bucky greet Sam and welcome him into the house.  On his way to sit down in the armchair across from you, Sam stops by Bucky’s bowl to sneak a bite of ice cream.
“Hey, birdbrain, hands off the ice cream!”  You can’t help but giggle at these two as Bucky snatches the spoon back from Sam and settles down next to you on the couch.  “Why are you here, anyway?  Aren’t you supposed to be on a mission for the next few weeks?”
Right away, you can sense something is wrong.  In the past year you’ve found you can always depend on Sam for providing a sense of calm.  He says it’s from his training and working with the veteran’s support groups all those years ago, but you can tell he’s always been that way.  He’s the easiest-going person you knew, and you were always grateful to have another calming presence in your life.
Tonight, however, Sam was on edge.  Glancing over at Bucky, you could tell he could feel it, too.
“Sam,” you start, “we can both tell something is wrong.  What’s going on?”
Sam makes eye contact with you for a few seconds before heaving out a deep sigh.  “I don’t know how to bring this up, so here it goes.  It’s about Steve.”
Slinging an arm around your shoulders, Bucky squeezes your arm to get your attention.  “You OK to talk about this, beautiful?  I can talk to Sam by myself if you want me to.”
After a few seconds you let out your own deep sigh.  “I’m fine, Buck.”  You place a comforting hand on his thigh and squeeze gently before you look back to Sam.  “You haven’t mentioned Steve once since we left the Avengers.”  Your line of vision drops down to your large stomach and your hand starts rubbing your bump.  “I’m guessing that means this is important, right?”
“Hey,” Sam says, causing you to look back up at him.  “Bucky’s right.  We don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want to.  I know you’re at a place where you can put all that behind you, so if you want to leave it that way, we can.”
Shaking your head, you push back.  “Sam, you brought it up so we’re going to talk about it.  What is it?”
Before Sam continues, he digs two letters out of his pocket and hands them to you.  You see your name on one envelope and Bucky’s on the other - both written in Steve’s flowing script.  Handing Bucky his letter, you look back over at Sam so he can continue.
“I’m giving you these letters because Steve isn’t doing well.  The last time you saw him, he still had serum running through his body.  In the few months after that he started to get weaker at a pretty rapid pace.”  At that revelation, Bucky sucks in a breath.  You’ve had a few conversations with Bucky wondering how his serum would impact his health later in life, but no one really knew what to expect.
“Bruce and Dr. Cho did some tests, and Steve’s serum was starting to deteriorate.”  Sam pauses to take a deep breath before he continues.  “They anticipated he would make it a few more years but he’s really taken a downhill turn in the past few weeks.”
You can feel Bucky deflate next to you.  Steve put you through hell after making the decision to live in the past, but that doesn’t change the fact that Steve was Bucky’s best friend.  
Trying to give Bucky a few minutes to process this, you ask another question.  “Why are you telling us this now?”
Sam looks down to the floor before responding.  “While I’ve been out on missions the past few years, I’ve been taking extra time to stop in and check on Steve.”  Bucky immediately tenses up beside you, but you’re quick to squeeze his leg to keep him grounded.  “I know it sounds like I was sneaking around behind your backs, but you two are doing so well right now.  I didn’t need to mess that up and you didn’t deserve to have Steve mess it up, either.”
It doesn’t surprise you that Bucky’s gone silent.  Even though his mask has been gone for over a decade, Hydra spent years conditioning him to stay silent.  While he’s made progress and shed most of that conditioning, you’ve noticed when he’s overwhelmed the first wall to go back up is his silence.
Knowing Bucky will need more time before he’s ready to talk, you turn your focus back to Sam.  “It’s OK Sam, but I’m still confused.  Why are you telling us about this now?”
“When I first started to visit Steve, the only ground rule I made was that I wasn’t going to be a middleman.  It’s not my place to give him insight on how either of you are doing.  To this day, Steve doesn’t know that you two are married or that you’re expecting.  When I was in New York to visit Steve earlier today he asked if I was still in touch with either of you.  He knows he doesn’t have much time left, but he wanted me to give you these letters and tell you there wasn’t any pressure to read them.  He just wanted to make sure if you wanted closure someday, you knew where to find it.”
Looking back down at the letter in your hand, you’re surprised when your vision starts to blur with tears.  Closure is something that you’ve been longing for - a reason to justify everything Steve put you through.  Now that it was in your hands you didn’t know what to do with it.
When your soft sniffles don’t bring Bucky back to the present, Sam grabs you a few tissues from the bathroom.  You dry your eyes before you respond.  “Thanks, Sam, but I think we just need some time to talk.  Can I walk you out?”
With a scoff and a sparkle in his eyes, he responds.  “Are you serious, woman?  Can you even get yourself off that couch right now?”
With a laugh you launch a pillow in his direction that hits him in the back of the head.  “One of these days I won’t be nine months pregnant, Wilson.  You better watch it!”
Before he walks out the door, Sam pauses to turn around and face you again.  “Remember, what you do with those letters is up to you.  Steve owes you closure but you don’t owe him anything.  Only you know what’s best for you.”  With that, Sam bids you goodnight and heads back to his house.
After you take a few extra minutes to finish your ice cream, you move around in an attempt to find a comfortable position on the couch.  All of your wriggling brings Bucky back to the present, and he suggests taking this conversation somewhere more comfortable.  A few minutes later you find yourself in your oversized tub.  Melting back into Bucky’s warm embrace, you start the conversation you both know you need to have.
“What are you thinking, Buck?”  You absentmindedly start drawing shapes on your stomach.  After a few minutes of silence, you turn your head to try to catch his line of sight.  “James, are you OK?”  The use of his real name breaks him out of his train of thought.  He leans down to give you a quick peck on the lips before he answers.
“I think so.  Honestly, it’s a lot to think about, you know?”  You sit for a few more moments while he organizes his thoughts.  “Steve was such a big part of both of our lives.  You had every reason to cut him out after everything he did, but if we’re being honest, I’ve been thinking about reaching out to him again.”
You knew your husband would do anything for you, but at this moment you can’t help but feel guilty.  “You didn’t cut off ties with Steve because of me, did you?  That was never my intention.  The two of you have been best friends for decades, and I never want to be the reason - ”
“Hey, hey, no - nothing like that.  I know you would never do that.  It was my decision to step back because of how he handled things after returning the stones.  Lately, I keep thinking about telling Steve about all the good things in my life.  He believed in me when no one else did and knew I was still somewhere in here after everything Hydra did.  He was constantly saving my ass and reminding me I deserved happiness.  For the last month or so I’ve felt like it was time to reach out and reconnect and tell him about my new life.”  A sad smile crosses Bucky’s face before he continues.  “He’s a punk, but he’s my punk, you know?”
“I get that.”  You face forward so you can fully relax back into Bucky’s hold.  Bucky’s hands travel down to brush over your stomach causing your daughter’s kicks to come to life.  You both giggle for a few seconds before he nuzzles his nose into your hair and inhales your floral shampoo.  “If we’re both being honest,” you add, “there are some days I’d like to thank him for leading me to you.  I don’t know if I’m ready to be his best friend or anything - “
“That’s my job anyway, beautiful.”
“Don’t worry, I know it is - but I do think you’re right.  It might be time to open these letters.  What’s that saying, again?  It’s time to bury the hatchet?”  You turn your head to look at your husband and immediately spot the glint in his eyes.
“And if we bury the hatchet and he turns on us again,” he smiles, “you know where I’ve hidden the knives.”
Rolling your eyes with a groan, you respond.  “What am I going to do with you, Mr. Barnes?”
His belly laugh shakes you and your baby starts to kick at the sudden movement.  “It’s too late, Mrs. Barnes.  You’re stuck with me.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Buck.”  You seal the sweet sentiment with a kiss before a particularly hard kick to your bladder signals it’s time to get out of the tub.  Bucky helps you out and dries you off before leaving you in the bathroom to do your business.  By the time you’ve joined him in the bedroom a few minutes later, he’s wearing a pair of boxer briefs and is already rubbing your favorite lotion between his hands to warm it up.  Laying down, you let him massage away your aches and pains before throwing on one of his old shirts and moving to lean up against the headboard.
Before joining you, Bucky runs downstairs to grab the letters.  Once he’s settled in next to you, he hands you your letter with a kiss and throws an arm around your shoulder so you can tuck into his side.  Taking a deep breath, you unfold your letter and start reading.
Sweetheart,
I have a lot of things I want to say to you in this letter, but I’ll start by saying thank you.  After all the pain I’ve caused, I wouldn’t blame you for ripping this letter to shreds.  Instead, you’re taking another chance on me, even though I don’t deserve it.
In the past few months, I’ve tried to write this letter at least a dozen times.  Each time I’ve had to stop because it’s never good enough.  I don’t know if this attempt is going to be better than the others, but I’m running out of time to try.  I’m sure by now Sam has told you my serum is deteriorating, but I’m mostly at peace with it.  I’ve lived a full life - one that is longer than many others will get to experience.  But with life comes regrets, and unfortunately, most of mine involve you.
The first apology I’d like to make is for my actions last year at the compound.  I had so much I wanted to say to you but cornering you and physically restraining you on a balcony wasn’t the way to do it.  For decades I’ve heard women tell horror stories about men forcing them into situations against their will, and that night I didn’t realize that was exactly what I was doing to you.
Before I explain my side of the story, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.  Thank you for taking a chance on me and loving me with your whole heart.  Thank you for being by my side through all the good times, bad times, and everything in between.  Thank you for fighting alongside me, and most importantly, thank you for helping me fight for Bucky.  Thank you for giving up everything to go on the run with me.  Lastly, thank you for believing in me and showing me I’m worthy of the love others give.
When I crashed that plane in the 40’s, I lost everyone and everything I knew.  Losing to Thanos felt like I was repeating history all over again.  With one snap, I lost everyone for the second time in my life.  I didn’t think I had it in me to start all over again, and that feeling stayed with me for years after you disappeared.
When we found a way to go back in time for the stones, I wasn’t prepared to see Peggy.  Sure, when I came out of the ice I played the “what if” game.  What if I found a place to land the plane instead of crashing it into the water?  What if I could’ve lived my life with Peggy?  All those questions seemed so far-fetched, and after I met you, I didn’t think about them as often as I used to.  But thanks to time travel, I was standing less than ten feet away from the love of my life.  All those questions and feelings came running back, and I couldn’t stop them.
At that moment, I made a realization that wasn’t easy to accept - while I loved you, I was never going to be in love with you in the way I was with Peggy.  I made a promise to myself in that office that after we brought everyone back, I was going to be honest with you.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t strong enough to keep that promise.
Looking back, I should’ve told you about my plans to stay in the past before I told Bucky.  I thought breaking it to him would be easier.  While he put on a brave face and said he understood why I was going back, I could see he was heartbroken by my decision.  After that I convinced myself it would be better to not tell you so I could save you from heartbreak in the moment.  Selfishly, I thought if you saw how happy I was, you would understand why I didn’t come back to you.
Believe it or not, Peggy was first to point out my horrible decision.  We were newly engaged when she asked if I’d had other relationships in the future.  When she realized I left you without ending our engagement or explaining why I went to live my life in the past, she almost walked away.  After all, if I did that to you, what was stopping me from doing the same thing to her?
Later in life, we sat down with our kids to tell them who I really was and how I ended up back in the past.  Every child has that moment when they realize their parents aren't perfect and telling them what I did to you was that moment for them.
Now that you know what happened, there are so many things I need to apologize for.  I’m sorry for not telling you I saw Peggy during my time travels.  I’m sorry for denying anything was wrong leading up to my mission to return the stones.  I’m sorry for telling Bucky what my plans were and not telling you.  I’m sorry for taking advantage of you the night before the mission so I could spend one last night with you.  I’m sorry for saying goodbye without telling you I wasn’t coming back to you.  I’m sorry you had to find out about these decisions by watching me reappear as an old man while wearing a wedding ring that wasn’t yours.  Lastly, I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to get you the apology you deserved.
I’m never going to forgive myself for the pain I’ve caused you and I’ll never expect you to forgive me, but there are some people who deserve your forgiveness.  Knowing you, I bet you’ve already forgiven them, but that isn’t stopping me from asking.
Please forgive Bucky for not telling you I was staying back to start a life with Peggy.  He was insistent I tell you about my plans before I left to return the stones, and I lied and told him I would.  I never should have put him in that situation.
I also hope you can forgive Sam.  I decided when he first started visiting that it was better to keep it from you instead of causing you more pain, and I didn’t give him much choice.
My hope for you is that you find someone who deserves you and can give you everything I couldn’t.  Someone who will show you the difference between loving someone and being in love, and someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.  Lastly, I hope you find someone you can build a home and family with because I know you will make the best wife and mother.
Love, Steve
The moment you finished the letter, you felt lighter.  You finally had closure, and that realization caused any remaining insecurities to flow out of you with the tears streaming down your face.  
After pulling your face up and brushing away your tears, Bucky broke the silence.  “Do you want to talk about it?”  With a nod, you take his hand in yours and start talking.
“In the past few years, you helped me pick up the shattered pieces of my heart.  Together, we put them back together and you poured all your love and trust into loving me and healing the cracks Steve left behind.  You made me whole again, Buck, but there was one small crack left - a crack that wasn’t your responsibility to heal.”  Looking down and squeezing his hand, you continue.  “This crack caused all those insecurities about being a good wife, a good mother, and being the best version of myself.  The one that you deserve.”
At your pause, Bucky grabs your chin to tilt your face up to him.  Drying a few more of your tears, he gives you a quick kiss before you carry on.
“This letter filled that crack and gave me the closure I needed.”  With a watery giggle, you continue.  “Who knew closure was so fulfilling, right?!”
That caused both you and Bucky to laugh and let out any remaining tension from the evening.  After you calmed down, Bucky shared that his letter was much the same - apologizing for putting him in a tough situation, asking him to forgive Sam for keeping their visits a secret, and (your personal favorite) asking him to watch over and take care of you.  He also wished Bucky the same happiness he wished you.  Little did he know you would find that happiness together.
After nodding off twice while having a discussion about reconnecting with Steve, Bucky decides a good night's sleep was more important for you and your baby girl.  Without a fight, you say your “goodnights” and “I love you’s” and settle into a restful slumber.
A restful slumber, that is, until you wake up a few hours later to find out your water broke.
Between Bucky’s military background and your knack for overplanning, you have a hospital bag packed and the fastest route to the hospital ready to go.  You soon find yourself in your assigned delivery room and just like everything else in your life, delivery happens fast - which is good given the fact epidurals don’t provide much relief when you give birth to serum-enhanced babies.
Bucky felt horrible, but he made up for it by being the best birthing partner.  He was ready to dry your tears, give you a hand to squeeze, and provide reassurance every step of the way.  Most importantly, he constantly kept his metal hand in a bucket of ice to provide cooling relief when you needed it and took all the swear words you threw at him in stride.
By sunrise, the newest addition to your family was here - Rebecca Lynn Barnes.  Quoting Mary Poppins, she is practically perfect in every way, right down to the bright blue eyes from her father.
Sam and Sarah arrive just in time to snap the perfect picture of your new family: you holding Rebecca, Bucky sitting next to you with his flesh arm around your shoulder and metal arm reaching for Rebecca, and Rebecca squeezing one of Bucky’s metal fingers with all her might.  The picture perfectly captures Bucky’s joy in realizing Rebecca didn’t fear his arm, and the complete adoration in your eyes as you stare at your amazing husband.
Like many things in life, perfect moments always come to an end.  As Bucky rocks Rebecca to sleep, Sam shares the phone call he received on his way to the hospital.  Steve took a major turn for the worse overnight and Bruce doesn’t think he’ll make it much longer.  After he was done checking in on you, Sam was heading straight to the compound with a quinjet.
Looking over at Bucky, you know exactly what you need to do.
“Bucky, I think you need to go with Sam.”  Immediately, three faces filled with shock turn your direction.  Making eye contact with Bucky, you continue.  “Seriously Buck, we decided just last night we wanted to reconnect with Steve before it was too late.  If you don’t go with Sam right now, it might be too late.  It will take less than an hour to get up to the compound and back with the quinjet, so even if you only stay in New York for an hour, you’ll be back before lunch.”
“You can’t be serious!  You just had a baby.  I can’t leave you now.”  Bucky looks around the room for backup but isn’t finding any.
“Buck, I hardly got any sleep last night and your daughter is a newborn.  We’ll probably both be asleep the whole time you are gone.”  Reaching out your hand, Bucky returns to your side.  “I won’t push you into something you don’t want to do, but just know that we’ll be fine if you decide to go.”
Turning to face Sarah, you get an idea.  “Sarah, are you doing anything this morning?”
Knowing where this is going, she smiles.  “Nope. I was planning on sticking around here for a few hours until I have to pick the boys up for their dentist appointments after lunch.”
“Perfect!  Sarah can stay here until my parents get here.  Their flight lands just before noon.”
Now that you’re wearing a matching smile with Sam and Sarah, you can see Bucky’s resolve cracking.  Sitting next to you in bed, Bucky lets out a deep sigh before looking into your eyes.  “Are you sure, beautiful?  You say the word and I’ll stay.”
Bringing your hand up, you run it through Bucky’s hair a few times before it falls to the back of his head for a few comforting scratches.  “We’ll be good, Buck.  Think of how we felt last night after reading those letters.”  Pausing to give him a smile, you continue.  “I can’t go anywhere right now, but you can go and brag about your amazing wife who just gave birth to your perfect daughter.”
With a small laugh, Bucky finally agrees to go.  With a last-minute idea, you send Sam to use his charm with the nurses to see if they can print the picture he just took of you and your family.  He returns a few minutes later, and while Bucky puts a sleeping Rebecca in her cradle, you grab a pen and write on the back of the picture:
Steve,
I’m sorry I couldn’t come to see you.  I’m sure Bucky can fill you in on the reason why.
Even though I can’t be there, I wanted to send a note to thank you.
Thank you for your letter and the closure it provided.
Thank you for each and every time you fought to save Bucky so he could have the wonderful life he deserves.
Most importantly, thank you for leading me exactly where I needed to be.  Without you, I wouldn’t be able to share my life with the most amazing husband and our perfect daughter.
Enjoy your time with Buck.
With a few tears in your eyes, you sign your name and hand the picture over to Bucky.  After quickly skimming the back, he looks at you with a small smile.  Sitting down next to you, he takes your head in his hands to give you one of his famous earth-shattering kisses.  When you’re forced to come up for air, you tell him you love him and send him on his way.
After the boys leave, you and Sarah catch up over the breakfast that’s delivered to your room.  Not long after you finish, you drift off into a peaceful and much needed sleep.
A few hours later you open your eyes to find Bucky looking out the window with Rebecca in his arms.  You soon realize he’s carrying on a conversation with her, filling her in about all the new and wonderful people she’ll get to meet in the next few days.  Her tiny yawn triggers a bigger one from you, indicating to Bucky you’re awake.  With a big smile he joins you on the hospital bed.
“Hey, sleepyhead.  I just got a text from your mom.  They landed a few minutes ago and they’re going to drop off their luggage at the house before they come to the hospital.”
Another yawn slips out before you respond.  “That sounds good.  How long have you been back?”
“About ten minutes.  Sarah just left to pick up Cass and AJ.”
After a few minutes of silence, you decide to address the elephant in the room.  “So, how was Steve?”
Realizing Rebecca was once again sleeping, Bucky gets up to set her down in her crib before joining you back on the hospital bed.  Leaning back, you both turn so you are facing each other before he responds.
“It was really good.  By the time we got there he wasn’t very responsive anymore.”  When Bucky breaks eye contact, you know it’s going to be hard for both of you to get through this conversation.  Reaching out to cup his cheek, you give him a few moments to collect his thoughts before he continues.
“He smiled and said my name when I walked in.  After I said it was good to see him, he said your name and I kind of froze.  With how fast everything happened in the last twenty-four hours, I didn’t really have time to figure out how to tell him I married his ex-fiancé and we have a kid together.”  Although the situation was very serious, you couldn’t stop the snort of laughter from bubbling out of you.  Thankfully, Bucky was quick to join in.
“What did you tell him?”
“The truth - I looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘Well, funny story, Steve.  We actually got married a few months ago and she gave birth to our daughter earlier this morning.’”
Hiding your face behind your hands, you groan.  “Please tell me that was not what you actually said to him.”
“Hey, Sam thought it was funny!  After Steve laid there for a few seconds staring at me, I shot a look at Sam to make him stop laughing.  I didn’t know what else to do, but thankfully after a few more seconds, Steve finally smiled and said, ‘good.’  I showed him the picture you sent and I talked about how great you were in the delivery room and how wonderful it was to be a dad even though it’s only been a few hours.”  Bucky’s smile fades a bit before he goes on.  “I told him what you wrote on the back of the picture, too.  I could tell he wanted to say more, but all he had the strength to say was ‘thank you.’”
Considering the emotions you had gone through during the last day, it wasn’t a surprise when you could feel tears streaming down your face.  After wiping them away, you gave a small “thank you” to Bucky before asking what else they discussed.
Thankfully, this brought a big smile to Bucky’s face.  “All of his kids were there, so I got a chance to meet them.  We all talked for a long time, and each time I looked down at Steve, he had a smile on his face.  When Dr. Cho and Bruce came to check on his vitals and asked him how he was feeling, he responded with ‘happy.’”
“That’s so good to hear.  How long were you and Sam able to stay?”
“We stayed for about an hour and a half before he started to look really tired.  Sam and I decided it was best to say goodbye and give him time to rest with his family.  When we left, he caught my hand and asked ‘happy?’  I told him we were both happy and that I would do everything possible to keep it that way.  With a light squeeze to my hand, he said ‘thank you’ and we left.”
You didn’t realize you were holding in a sigh until you let it out, but you were filled with so much relief knowing their visit went well.  “I’m so glad you were able to see him, Bucky.  Are you thinking you want to go back up later this week to see him again?”
The sad smile on Bucky’s face tells you everything you need to know.  “I’m so sorry, beautiful, but we got a call from Dr. Cho on the way back.  Steve passed away.”  With a fresh set of tears streaming down your face, you cuddle into Bucky’s side in search of comfort.  “He fell asleep right after we left and he went peacefully in his sleep.”
After a few minutes, you pull away just enough to look up at Bucky.  “I’m sad Steve’s gone, but I’m thankful for everything else that’s happened since last night.”
“Me too, beautiful.  I’m so glad I listened to you and got to see him one last time.”
For the next few minutes, you laid together and processed everything from the last few hours.  After a while, Bucky broke the silence.
“Did you know Steve named a kid after me?”
Gasping, you look up at him.  “He did?”
“Yeah,” you startle hearing Sam’s voice at the door.  “And I only got mentioned in a middle name.  Can you believe that?”
Leave it to Sam to know exactly how to lighten the mood.
While you wait for your parents to arrive, Bucky and Sam fill you in on Steve and his kids.  For the first time in years, you find it freeing to talk about the past without having to stop and dwell on the negative.  Who would’ve thought you’d have Steve to thank for that.
176 notes · View notes
khalesci · 4 months
Note
So I see you have feelings about Danny and Drago. I know a lot of people enjoyed what they became even if they didnt like how they started. How do you feel about it? Do you think Danny loved Drago or do you think it was stockholm adjacent? I would love to hear any and all thoughts please k thanx bye
ㅤㅤㅤThe simplified version of my stance is, I think Dany’s “love” for Drogo is based 100% in something akin to stockholm syndrome. She was dependent on him. She needed him to survive. She was put into a position where she was nothing without him. Drogo was not a loving husband. He was extremely abusive to Dany, and even though she was his “wife”, in Dothraki culture, she was nothing more than property to him. Important, cherished property? Yes. But still property. Drogo didn’t care for Dany as a person, and Dany would have never “loved” Drogo for who he is if she did not *need* to make herself love him to survive. I think in terms of the show, they were right for changing certain things (that I will get into) but overall they heavily romanticized their relationship and did not show how horrible things truly were for Dany. But also, I don’t think George himself handles their relationship the best in the books, either, because he often loses the themes of the narrative he has created here in favor of reader spectacle, and his own romanticization of their relationship later in the books hurts Dany’s narrative as well, but I’ll get more specific about that too.
trigger warnings for explicit discussions and textual examples of: r*pe (particularly spousal r*pe), slavery, abuse, suicide, extreme misogyny & dehumanization of women, pregnancy, child loss, child marriage, sexual abuse against a minor
* all images of text snippets from the books are taken from the kindle compilation of the ASOIAF series. tumblr cropping may cut some of them off so click each one to see the full text.
The Circumstances Surrounding their Wedding
ㅤㅤㅤDaenerys’ wedding to Drogo was not willing. She was sold to him. This is not the same as an arranged marriage, and what happened to Daenerys was on an entirely different level. She was sold to Drogo as a slave. A wife, yes, but still a slave. Being his wife only meant that other men could not touch her without his permission and that she would be treated with *some* honor, but only as much as Drogo allowed. The very first “gift” given to Daenerys for her wedding to Drogo is a golden slave collar.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
ㅤㅤㅤAs for the wedding itself, the only time Dany *wasn’t* afraid was when they gave her her Silver.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
ㅤㅤㅤWhen it comes to the consummation, this is the one thing I’m actually glad they changed, because I feel like it more accurately represents the truth of the situation. I see people complain a lot that they changed a “consensual” scene in the books into a scene of r*pe, but the thing is, this was always r*pe. A 17 year old (13 in the books at this time !!!) cannot consent to an almost 30 year old man, and I don’t care about the “medieval morality” that tends to get used to justify this because first of all, the standards of arranged marriages do not even apply here because again, this was not an arranged marriage, she has been sold to him as essentially a glorified sex slave. Nothing about this makes this “okay”, and I think they were correct for changing the way George originally wrote the scene, because George romanticizes the absolute hell out of this relationship half the time in a way that conflicts with his condemnations of it (more on that later).
Their Marriage
ㅤㅤㅤThis was not a loving marriage. For the first few months, Dany is so miserable that she wants to die. Drogo r*pes her every single night, and it’s not ambiguous; she explicitly says that she did not want any of it. This is also the ONLY time Drogo ever spends time with Dany, otherwise he basically pretends she doesn't exist. He won’t so much as talk to her or attempt to communicate at all. She only exists to him when he wants to have sex with her, and then he goes right back to ignoring her. She is so broken down mentally and physically (both from having to ride with the khalasar all day and from Drogo at night) that she reaches a point where she decides she cannot go on living anymore, and decides that she would rather kill herself. The only thing that stops her is the fact that she has a Dragon Dream of being reborn in fire and wakes up with a renewed desire to live. Things don’t actually get better for Dany at all, she just starts coping in a different way by doing everything she can to assimilate and survive. He never stops hurting her, she just accepts that this is her life now and she has to make the best of it.
ㅤㅤㅤtw in these two text snippets for explicit examples of r*pe and suicidal ideation !!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
ㅤㅤㅤDany forces herself to “love” Drogo because she *has* to. Her only options are to learn to love life with the Dothraki or be so miserable that she would rather die. Along with this, she recognizes that Drogo is the only source of agency she truly has. People only listen to her because she is Drogo’s Khaleesi. Being his Khaleesi protects her from things that she would otherwise have to endure. She even remarks on this much later in ASOS that if Khal Drogo had been a different man, things could have been much worse for her, because that was the position she was in. Her entire well-being was determinant on this one man NOT getting tired of her. This became her entire life. It became normal to her.
ㅤㅤㅤFrom A Storm of Swords, Dany reflecting on the truth of her relationship with Drogo.
Tumblr media
ㅤㅤㅤThe true turning point in Daenerys’ relationship with Drogo comes when she learns she is pregnant. It’s from this point ONLY that Drogo starts treating Dany like more than a sex slave, and only because she carries his child. He cared more about the son inside her than he ever cared for her. He still dehumanizes her in spite of this, and still the only time they really spend together is at night when Drogo wants her sexually and then in the morning when they wake up; outside of that he’s always with his men. Dany is denied her own agency in her decisions. She is not allowed to have her own inner fire; anything she does is all because of their child making her that way, according to Drogo. In his eyes, Dany is only strong *because* of Rhaego. He takes offense at insults and slights made towards Daenerys only because, for one, she is his property, and any actions taken against her are also against his son. When he pledges to take the Iron Throne, he does not do that for Daenerys, no matter how much she had begged him to do it before; he does it for Rhaego, and only after an assassin from the west tried to kill Dany and the baby. Even if you look at how much more abusive her brother Viserys had grown in his descent to madness, Drogo himself did nothing to protect Dany from that. He only killed Viserys when he made a threat against their child. Once again I say Dany was a possession to him; a cherished possession, but a possession nonetheless. More like a pet and less than a person.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
The Death of Drogo
ㅤㅤㅤDrogo dying shattered Dany’s illusions about her life (for the most part). That was when she remembered just how much danger she truly was in here, that she was never really a queen, and that any power she had, only existed because of the power Drogo had. The moment he was no longer there to protect her, she knew what would happen to her. She had seen the brutality of that reality over and over again, and in that moment when he fell from his horse she realized that was the fate awaiting her. The ones she had angered would r*pe and kill her or send her to the Dosh Khaleen. The realization panicked her, and she did everything she could to save Drogo, because Drogo was her only protection. This is where the “stockholm syndrome” is the most evident; she was completely dependent on Drogo and did not know how she would survive without him, in the most literal sense. The men of the khalasar stopped taking orders from her, and suddenly the only people that would help her were her handmaids, Ser Jorah, and three of Drogo’s bloodriders as the rest turned on her. In the blink of an eye she had been reminded of what her place truly was in the khalasar, how her entire life had been dependent on the whims of the man that owned her, no matter how much he called her Khaleesi and pretended she was a queen. She never was.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
How George Has Failed Dany
ㅤㅤㅤNow after all this rambling, let me just say that I understand *why* a lot of the fandom still romanticizes the relationship between Daenerys and Drogo. Because not only did the show heavily romanticize it, but George did as well. I hate Dave & Dan with a burning passion, and they deserve a lot of the shit they get for how they portrayed this, but I don’t think changing the wedding scene was one of these moments. I think that was the moment that represented the truth of what Dany’s relationship with Drogo was the best. But also, George himself is not exempt from this. There are so many times in the books when he confuses his own narrative regarding Daenerys, especially when it comes to Drogo. Any point he tries to make about child brides and bridal slavery falls apart when one moment you have him highlighting how young Daenerys was when she became pregnant in the books (the infamous “it was her fourteenth nameday” line) and then the next he is writing an extremely voyeuristic sex scene with her and Drogo that serves no purpose other than to be a spectacle for the reader. Like . . . it's not even acknowledged and is completely forgotten by the turn of a page. You can’t make a point about how horrible this situation is and then spend the other half of the book ignoring that and writing this situation like a pure romance, even outright eroticizing it. It feels like anytime George does highlight the horrors of Dany’s situation in the text, he immediately turns back around with a “ but -- ” to somehow negate it.
ㅤㅤㅤI could forgive most of it in the first book, if only he continued to deconstruct Dany’s view of what happened to her and allowed her to process it as an abuse survivor as the series progressed. But the thing is, he denies her that. It makes sense for Dany to romanticize her own situation because that is the only way she could process it at the time, but the more separated she becomes from that period of her life, the more she should be allowed to look at it in retrospect and work through everything she’s repressed about it for the sake of surviving. And he doesn’t let her do that. There are the smallest moments particularly in ASOS where it seems like she is finally *starting* to work through it and see her relationship with Drogo for what it was, but then by the time we get back to her in ADWD, all of that has been undone and she’s back to seeing Drogo only as “her sun and stars”. Even the bare minimum of developments were reversed to continue perpetuating the idea that Dany and Drogo’s relationship was a romance. And it’s not fair to Dany.
ㅤㅤㅤIt’s one of the most frustrating things about this series for me, how George stagnates her in certain aspects and won’t let her own her own trauma *unless* he is trying to make a specific narrative point with it in a particular moment, then it's quickly swept under the rug again. Her trauma doesn't belong to her. The more the series progresses, the more Dany’s trauma is forgotten or overlooked, and that’s why I think a lot of people on a meta aspect struggle with understanding her motivations, because people forget that she was once a slave, too. And it’s easy to forget about that as long as the author of these books keep portraying a victimized woman as if her abuser was just a loving husband and not a man that only cared for her because he *owned* her.
5 notes · View notes
beardedmrbean · 3 months
Text
NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Shayara Bano heaved a sigh of relief on Wednesday at the enactment of a law banning polygamy in her small Indian state, the culmination of a years-long effort including her own case before the nation's Supreme Court.
"I can now say that my battle against age-old Islamic rules on marriage and divorce has been won," said Bano, a Muslim woman whose husband chose to have two wives and divorced her by uttering "talaq" three times.
"Islam's allowance for men to have two or more wives at the same time had to end," she told Reuters.
But Sadaf Jafar did not cheer the new law, which abolishes practices such as polygamy and instant divorce, even though she has been waging her own court fight against her husband for marrying another woman without her consent.
"Polygamy is permissible in Islam under strict rules and regulations but it is misused, said Jafar, who is seeking alimony to support their two children. She says she did not consult Islamic scholars as she hoped Indian courts would provide justice.
The adoption of the Uniform Civil Code in the state of Uttarakhand has opened a chasm between women in India's largest religious minority, even among some whose lives were turned upside-down when their husbands entered multiple marriages.
Some, like activist Bano, 49, celebrate the new provisions as the overdue assertion of secular law over parallel sharia rulings on marriage, divorce, inheritance, adoption and succession. For others like Jafar, Muslim politicians and Islamic scholars, it is an unwelcome stunt by Prime Minister Narendra Modi's Hindu nationalist party.
Adoption of the code in Uttarakhand is expected to pave the way for other states ruled by Modi's Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) to follow suit, over the angry opposition from some leaders of the 200 million Muslims who make India the world's third-biggest Muslim country.
RIGHTS IN MULTI-RELIGIOUS SOCIETY
BJP leaders said the new code is a major reform, rooted in India's 1950 constitution, that aims to modernise the country's Muslim personal laws and guarantee complete equality for women.
A 2013 survey found 91.7% of Muslim women nationwide saying a Muslim man should not be allowed to have another wife while married to the first.
Still, many Muslims accuse Modi's party of pursuing a Hindu agenda that discriminates against them and imposes laws interfering with Islam. Sharia permits Muslim men to have up to four wives and it has no stringent rules to prohibit the marriage of minors.
Jafar, who has run for office with the main opposition Congress party, calls the passage of the code a tactic of Modi's government to showcase Islam in a bad light and divert attention from pressing issues like improving the livelihood of Muslims.
The Supreme Court in 2017 found the Islamic instant divorce unconstitutional, but the order did not ban polygamy or some other practices that critics say violate equal rights for women.
In addition to the polygamy ban, the new code sets a minimum marriageable age for both genders and guarantees equal shares in ancestral property to adopted children, those born out of wedlock and those conceived through surrogate births.
While BJP leaders and women's rights activists say the code aims to end regressive practices, some Muslim politicians say it violates the fundamental right to practice religion.
The All India Muslim Personal Law Board called the code impractical and a direct threat to a multi-religious Indian society.
"Banning polygamy makes little sense because data shows very few Muslim men have more than one wife in India," said board official S.Q.R. Ilyas, adding that the government has no right to question sharia law.
Jafar, who lives with her two children in the northern state of Uttar Pradesh, said, "Islam has enough provisions to provide a life of dignity. We don't need (the code) but what we need is swift justice for women fighting for their dignity."
4 notes · View notes
female-eren · 10 months
Note
Cool. So what episode did negan have sex with someone? When did someone talk about having sex with Negan other than him joking about it? Because he didn't rape anyone. In fact he kills people who rape. That's Canon. That's on screen. Also the only person who was raped on screen through the use of coercion was negan by alpha. But nice try. Negan loathes rapists and kills them for it. But keep beating that drum. You should also tag your shit anti. No one going into the tag wants to see your BS.
Oh you're genuinely an idiot ok. You could've led with that! Tell me, how could Sherry think she was pregnant with Negan's child if Negan hadn't had sex with her? He kisses and touches Sherry, by the way, while she looks incredibly uncomfortable. It is so heavily implied that anyone with even the slightest comprehension of context will inherently know what's going on. Jesus Christ. Sherry's actress has talked about this as well, how Negan as a character had a fucked concept of "consent" and that Sherry was traumatized by the forced sex.
Tumblr media
"Negan's entire relationship with his wives is so jarring because he is adamant when he tells his Saviors that rape is not allowed. In Negan's world, sex only becomes rape when a woman doesn't verbally consent." "What Negan doesn't understand is that these women are being blackmailed into relationships with him. Either be one of his so-called wives — which in reality is much more akin to becoming a sex slave — or take your chances on your own in the zombie apocalypse with your family without the protection of the Sanctuary." "He also views the women as property that he can dole out to the men when they do a good job. In season seven, episode three, Negan offers Dwight a one-night opportunity to reunite with his former wife Sherry or any of Negan's other wives as an incentive for a job well done. His one stipulation: 'Pick whoever you want, as long as she says yes.' " https://www.insider.com/fear-twd-christine-evanglista-talks-sherry-ptsd-negan
"Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) blackmailed women into relationships with him during the zombie apocalypse in exchange for their safety and the safety of their families or former husbands. That's what happened to Dwight and Sherry. Negan provided his "wives" with shelter, food, medicine, and other luxuries. In return, he asked his harem to be loyal to him and to sleep with him whenever he wanted." [They cannot withdraw consent if they have agreed to be wives, which happens under threat and blackmail]
"On the show, and in the comics, Negan is against what he defines as rape. When he ruled the Saviors, he told his subordinates they have a "no rape" policy. He held true to his word when he killed one of his men for going after Sasha.
One of the things viewers may have struggled to grapple with back then is how Negan could have that policy and then blackmail women into relationships with him. Women were asked to either be part of his polygamist cult of "wives" — which in reality was more akin to becoming a sex slave — or to take their chances on their own in the zombie apocalypse with their families without the protection of his group. 
This detail was made even more troubling when viewers were forced to consider that Negan didn't realize (or want to realize) that he himself was raping women in the apocalypse."
15 notes · View notes
apollosgiftofprophecy · 7 months
Note
hii saw ur apollo lovers list and i wanted to add on to melia. her “eloping” with apollo is a fair interpretation of her story since ancient greece was a much more misogynistic society and, iirc, had views on women being their father’s/husband’s property. afaik, kidnapping referred to taking a women either without her permission or whatever man “owned” her. so technically she was kidnapped, but i think the kind of kidnapping they’re referring to is the one without her dad’s permission. cyrene was also said to be abducted by apollo, but im sure we all know she willingly left with him, just without her father’s consent.
^^^^
exactly this. It can be rather difficult to pin down how the mythological relationships went down at times, especially if they involve kidnapping. Because by modern standards, we interpret that as "the kidnappee was very unwilling", but like you said, in ancient Greek times, the word had different meanings.
So yeah - Melia, from ancient Greek perspective, was essentially "kidnapped" by eloping/running away with her boyfriend right under her dad's nose.
And honesty? I quite like that take. It's always nice to shake up mythological relationships instead of replaying the same ones over and over again.
And Cyrene! Yeah, I think it's pretty well-known (well, if people actually read Greek Mythology) that Cyrene was definetely not kidnapped in a literal sense. She absconded with Apollo to her future kingdom of Cyrene.
I'm sensing a pattern with Apollo and the girlfriends he runs off with. He gifts them entire kingdoms. Malewife energy there XD
14 notes · View notes
sailor-swerf · 1 year
Text
Virginity is not about purity. It is about being broken or not being broken. If you look at history most marriages where arranged and the woman or sometimes child only got explained a few days before, what sex is and no one asked for their consent. In many cultures where fgm happens, the husband violently cuts or even tears the vagina open just to stick his penis in the bloody wound. Bloody bedsheets are over the world a sign of a woman losing her virginity. It shouldn't bleed or hurt at all if the woman is aroused and the man gentle and kind. Also the hymen doesn't get broken when it's done right. But even in this days of "sexual freedom" men only care about themselves and just stick their dick in without doing anything for her arousal or even building trust. They only want a virgin to have sex with to brag about it and feeling powerful. Because it is an act of power. It is a genre in porn. Because sex in patriarchy is equal to rape, rape is only "wrong" when it's from a man she doesn't belong to and since the sexual revolution not even then. We might think we have progressed this, because we talk about consent and have laws about it, but you can't erase a mindset formed over thausends of years just with one reform. Most people still can't tell the difference between rape and abuse and consensual sex, you see it in popculture all the time. Most romantic dramas and women's literature have rape as a Part of the plot, it's framed "cute and romantic" in many cases. Which makes sense because romantic is only there to conceal the hard truth, that's literally it's definition. And there's a lot romantic around Love, marriage and sex because we as a society have a lot to conceal there. If we would name reality, men would lose their power over women. This is the reason why purity culture exists, it's there to prepare a girls mind into the perfect victims mind. If you look at purity culture not as a shaming of sexual behaviour but a shaming of being potentially raped by a man who's not your husband it makes a lot more sense. If a woman already got raped before marriage, she knows what will happen and can prepare mentally, she will not be as easily controlled as a woman who is forced to live with the exact same man who broke her. She doesn't believe the lie that this is the best thing that can absolutely happen to a woman and that she's just ungrateful, because she already knows the pain. That's why men hate prostitutes so much. Because they know what they men are capable of. But they want women to believe they are our providers and not our oppressors. But this only counts to societies where women are private property. If we are public property, virgins don't get praised like a little lamb just to be Sold to the slaughter. They are hated because they are not broken by a man, they still have boundaries. This is why they sell US being beaten, degraded and raped as empowering now. This is why "vanilla" and "terf" are also a thing, because "Virgin" also means a woman who actually had sex but didn't got raped, who actually knows her own female sexuality and desires and boundaries and is not a broken being after being penitrated. "Virgin" also means a lesbian who will never sexually engage with a man and also knows her own female sexuality and shares it with another woman in love, independent, knowing that true love doesn't need a man. Both of them actually had sex but they never got broken by a man's rape, they won't engage in hook up culture and they won't be brainwashed into being the perfect public property men always can use. And know in this times they tell young girls "virginity is a construct" so they lower their boundaries just to be still being broken by losing it.
6 notes · View notes
aronarchy · 6 months
Text
Marital Rape: New Research and Directions (February 2006)
A Brief Legal History of Marital Rape
Much of the scholarly attention that has been given to marital rape has emerged from the legal community. This has occurred because throughout the history of most societies, it has been acceptable for men to force their wives to have sex against their will. The traditional definition of rape in the United States most commonly was, “sexual intercourse by a man with a female not his wife without her consent.” As Finkelhor and Yllo (1985) have argued, this provided husbands with an exemption from prosecution for raping their wives—a “license to rape.” The foundation of this exemption can be traced back to statements made by Sir Matthew Hale, Chief Justice in 17th century England. Hale wrote, “But the husband cannot be guilty of a rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife, for by their mutual matrimonial consent and contract the wife hath given up herself in this kind unto the husband which she cannot retract.” This established the notion that once married, a woman does not have the right to refuse sex with her husband. This rationale remained largely unchallenged until the 1970’s when some members of the anti-rape movement argued for the elimination of the spousal exemption because it failed to provide equal protection from rape to all women.
On July 5, 1993, marital rape became a crime in all 50 states, under at least one section of the sexual offense codes. Laura X, of the National Clearinghouse on Marital and Date Rape, provides a State Law Chart on her website (http://ncmdr.org) which indicates the status of each state with regard to their marital rape exemptions. As of May, 2005, in 20 states, the District of Columbia, and on federal lands, there are no exemptions from rape prosecution granted to husbands. However, in 30 states, there are still some exemptions given to husbands from rape prosecution. In most of these 30 states, a husband is exempt when he does not have to use force because his wife is most vulnerable (e.g., she is mentally or physically impaired, unconscious, asleep, etc.) and is legally unable to consent. Because of the marital contract, a wife’s consent is assumed.
The existence of some spousal exemptions in the majority of states indicates that rape in marriage is still treated as a lesser crime than other forms of rape and is evidence of societal patriarchy. This perpetuates marital rape by conveying the message that such acts of aggression are somehow less reprehensible than other types of rape. Importantly, the existence of any spousal exemption indicates an acceptance of the archaic understanding that wives are the property of their husbands and that the marriage contract is still an entitlement to sex.
2 notes · View notes