#realised the event doesnt allow words in the work

[gaiaxygang]

with the new mafuyu event ive been thinking about the niigo rain symbolism again. i talked about it in a previous post (i'll be reusing quite a few points from that here) but the new event sure is. something!

in recent niigo stories, rain is used quite heavily as a metaphor for pain, specifically mafuyu's. and i love how this is presented in the stories.

ena gives mafuyu shelter from the rain in wish, bringing mafuyu into the shinonome household. it's a temporary escape, with ena wanting to provide mafuyu some comfort away from his mother, even for a little bit.

it's also where mafuyu realises how warm a family can be (since ena and akito's dad, shinei is away for work, there's less tension) but at the end of it all mafuyu has to go back. at the very least, asahina mama doesnt know ena is a niigo member but with how much she tried to restrict mafuyu i doubt it matters, mafuyu likely wouldn't have been allowed to stay over again

next we have mizuki, who metaphorically gives mafuyu an umbrella in escape's trained cards. the event focuses on how its okay to "escape" from the pain for a while, and this is reflected in the card art.

however, in passing mafuyu the umbrella, mizuki themself gets drenched. it's showing that although a temporary escape may be what mafuyu needs, mizuki has been running away constantly from what hurts them and they've been "caught in the rain" as well (this is a little complicated. but rain metaphor sure is metaphoring)

and now the new event, persona. before talking about it i feel like it's important to discuss discord, where kanade promises to stay by mafuyu's side and make music with him no matter what. and she ensures that asahina mama KNOWS she will never leave mafuyu. its a permenant "shelter" for mafuyu, unlike what ena and mizuki are able to offer. this is also part of the reason why asahina mama tightens her grip on mafuyu in recent events

in the story, mafuyu finally gets the courage to say what he's been thinking. his true feelings about music, about everything to asahina mama. but this doesn't seem to have much effect and mafuyu ends up running away from home in the rain. this is until he runs into kanade who embraces him (kanade's untrained)

there is no umbrella, no physical shelter from the rain but kanade is able to give mafuyu warmth and comfort through her words. it still hurts, the pain doesn't go away but kanade's presence soothes mafuyu even a little bit. still, they're in the rain together without shelter. mafuyu is upset and kanade knows she can't do much because of how much asahina mama has hurt mafuyu. and that's where the event ends.

with mafuyu finally becoming more genuine, revealing his true feelings to people outside of niigo for the first time (and his mother at that) but things between mafuyu and asahina mama have shifted drastically and we don't know if it'll be for the better or for the worse. though no matter what happens, no matter how heavy the rain, niigo will always be there for mafuyu and that's what mafuyu desperately needs

(someone on twitter also made a good point about how it represents mafuyu and kanade's relationship as well. its very interesting)

#gaiaxyposting #prsk #(types several long posts about mafuyu) I SWEAR IM AN ENA OSHI!!!!!!!!! #niigo #mafuyu asahina #kanade yoisaki #mizuki akiyama #ena shinonome #:/ if this gets 10000 notes i will let my ena and his dad / mfen meta out of the basement #this is a small portion of my ena and mafuyu centric thoughts btw i just happened to catch umbrella disease so im thinking about it extra #mfw 3 year ena hfx where i have analysed him and his family so closely for years #gaiaxymeta

[hitsujirui]

happy lantern rite

#genshin impact #zhongli #paimon #traveler #aether #doujin #this was funnier in my head #i started drawing this thinking of submitting it in the sea of lights event but #realised the event doesnt allow words in the work #so well #on the topic of what is paimon??

[theweasleysredhair]

Could Use A Hug {DRABBLE} [S.B.]

Request: Hiiii! Can i have a fluff prompt 4, 10 and 19? Where Sirius is obviously pinning for reader and he really does love her but she she never believed him, like she always thought he was joking and that it meant nothing so sirius finally decideds to make a rather 'serious' confession and she just breaks down?? Cause she's frustrated and still thinks he's pulling some awful joke on her and she's tired of pretending it doesnt affect her?? bc she loves him but doesnt believe he truly loves her back?? and so shes always trying to brush off her feelings but this time its just too much?? and then theres this rly confused sirius and so much comfort and so much fluff and im sorry if this is too much u can remove whatever u like of course <33 (by @imaginationforreal )

~~~

hope you enjoy love! thanks for the request! ❤️

theweasleysredhair’s 4.6k follower event!

[REQUESTS ARE CLOSED]

~~~

4. “Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”

10. “Because I love you.”

19. “You look like you could use a hug.”

~~~

Character: Sirius Black

Word Count: 600

Taglist: @dreamer821 @gracemayhateyou @criminalyetminimal @firewhisky-kisses @obsessedwithrandomthings @angelinathebook @iprobablyshipit91 @potterverseimagine @slytherineheir @kpopgirlbtssvt @rexorangecouny @mytreec @tinylumpiaa @kashishwrites @girl-next-door-writes @locke-writes @susceptible-but-siriusexual @inkhearthes | message or send an ask to be added/removed

Disclaimer: Gif isn’t mine, credit goes to whoever made it

~*~

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK! REBLOGS ARE ABSOLUTELY FINE! <3

+ + + + +

“You look like you could use a hug.”

You looked up from the table in the common room you were sat at, books surrounding you as you crammed for the NEWTs, just like you knew nearly all the other students in your year were doing too, to find a familiar dark haired boy leaning on the wall beside you. You raised an eyebrow, “What gives you that idea?”

“You just look stressed out, love,” Sirius replied, pushing off the wall casually and sauntering over to sit beside you on the couch, “And I figured we’d both enjoy it if you were in my arms.”

You rolled your eyes. Sirius had said things like that to you for years, and whilst you did enjoy the flirting from your crush, it also hurt to know he did it with every other girl, without a second thought.

“You wish, Black,” you muttered, turning back to your work on making notes for your upcoming Charms exam.

“I do wish, don’t you worry, love. In fact, I dream about the day you let me hug you, or kiss you. Or throw you against a wall,” he added with a smirk.

“Are you flirting with me?” You turned your head to look at him. He grinned at you and meant forward so his face was close to yours, “I am, I’ve been flirting with you for the last 2 years.”

“Yeah but it was never like this,” you spoke, moving away from a little, albeit reluctantly, and causing him to frown.

“Well I realised,” he began, “That I needed to step up my flirting game if I wished for you to take me seriously.”

You sighed, placing your quill down on the table and shaking your head at him, “I never take you seriously because you never mean it when you flirt. You’ve never meant it when flirting with anyone. Why would it be any different with me?”

“Because I love you,” he said simply.

“Please don’t! I’m fed up of you flirting with me all the time, playing with my feelings! It’s not fair on me,” you shook your head.

Sirius’ eyes widened as he realised you didn’t think he’d meant everything he’d ever said to you. Sure, flirted with other girls but that didn’t mean anything to him - the only girl that really meant anything to him was you, “I do love you though! I proper fancy you, in fact!”

You swallowed, looking up into his stormy grey eyes and trying to settle the storm of emotions inside you - what if you said yes to him and he hadn’t meant a thing? What if he’s playing an elaborate joke on you? What if he doesn’t really like you?

“Stop overthinking it, love,” Sirius spoke quietly, reaching a hand over to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, “Just know that I fancy you, and only you.”

You nodded, pressing your lips together, “You mean that?” Sirius nodded immediately, “Of course, love.” He then paused again, his eyes flickering across your face and taking in your slumped posture.

“You still look like you could use a hug.”

And at that, you nodded, allowing yourself to smile at him as he brought you into his arms gently and allowed you to lay your head on his chest. He smiled softly to himself as he felt you nuzzle into him, running a hand up and down your back.

And as he sat there with you in his arms, he knew he never wanted to be anywhere else. He just hoped you felt the same.

#4.6k follower drabble event #sirius black #sirius x reader #sirius black x reader #sirius imagine #sirius black imagine #sirius imagines #sirius black imagines #marauders #marauders era #marauders x reader #marauders imagine #marauders imagines #hp #harry potter #all queue have to do is follow the spiders

[annqbthchse]

Agathas casting + Sofia Wylie

hi I just chugged 2 redbulls, ranted to my friend for like an hour about this because the amount of absolute disrespect and just plain racism i've seen about the casting infuriates me. so here are some of the comments i've seen and my opinion/reaction to them (this is literally just a passionate brain explosion done quite late at night -10pm-  and vv quickly so I apologise if some points are missing/worded weirdly!!)

“she isn’t how she looks in the books” || “i’m all for diversity but [🙄] why did they make the pale one a POC” || “it doesn’t make sense for agatha to be played by a black actress”

for those saying it doesn't make sense for agatha to be plated by a black women,,,  what are you talking about!!! IT ACTUALLY DOES THO???? if anything it makes more sense and adds more weight to her storyline and character arc! her entire arc is realising she has been beautiful ALL ALONG. its just her low self esteem and the impossibly and very eurocentric high beauty standards that's she's up against at the school for good & in Gavaldon keeping her down. having agatha being played by a WOC is perfect because that is something we unfortunatly have to face on a daily basis. it makes for a wider range of people to see agatha and her experiences and be able to relate to someone whose place in society mirrors their own. and isn’t that great??? SHOULDN’T WE WANT THAT????yes. we should.

as a WOC myself, when i found out the news I literally called my friend at like 8am to be like “HOLY SHIT :DDDD” its exciting!! i know that a lot of people loved agatha because they could relate to her and that's great! but you still have that!! book agatha isn’t going anywhere. she's still there! like i've said before, Sofia as agatha allows MORE people to be able to relate to her character. This is an amazing decision and these kind of changes in the adaptation should be welcomed and encouraged. i

and also you can’t just pick and choose what characters can/cannot be black. that literally makes 0 sense and isn’t how it works. having agatha - one of the films lead-  as a WOC is a big deal and suggesting that instead have the side characters have diverse actors infuriates me. why does it have to be a side character??? it makes as much sense for agatha to be black as it does any other side character and sofia is perfect!

ALso Soman (who first published SGE in 2013) probably just used whatever beauty standards at the time and ran with it. but hey, it's literally 2020 and if this year has taught us anything it's that times are changing! casting a diverse lead for a book that has a predominantly white cast reflects that change! its great! tbh before the casting news, i was very apprehensive about the movie because of some of the problematic themes and events that occur but this casting is the step in the right direction! it shows that at least on some level the people making the movie are all aware of its wrongdoings and adapting the movie to better fit and reflect a wider audience in 2020.which is what we all (or at least should) want!!

“She doesnt have straight black hair so she can’t possibly play agatha”

first of all her hair is gorgeous!!! and does it really matter that she wont have straight hair??? will you die if one fictional character doesn't have straight hair?? no. you won't. and she shouldn’t have to straighten, use relaxers or wear a wig to play the role. hollywood has a long standing history of making diverse (predominantly Black!!) actresses having to fit Eurocentric beauty standards LIKE having straight hair. and using relaxes can also be a really traumatising and degrading experience for black women and its unfair for people demand that she can only play agatha if she “fixes” her hair. and yea again it has some very racist undertones. but dudes this is HAIR we’re talking about people. it's such a stupid finicky detail to hyperfocus on that won’t even affect the plot or the movie in any big way. I for one would love to see Sofia play Agatha with her beautiful, gorgeous, natural hair!

we all have our different interpretations and visions of agatha and that's ok! but with that and the movie you have to be realistic. there is no way they could’ve casted the ‘perfect’ agatha. even if they did stick to her book descriptions. you can't please everyone and people will always have opinions and something to say about it

“I can’t see her as agatha because of her previous disney roles”

bruh it's called acting. and you know another famous actress known for the classic disney roles and is now an emmy award winning actress?? ZenDAYA. yea. stfu. we haven’t even seen them in their full costumes or anything, hell this is really the first big information that we’ve had! give it some time,,, lets see the rest of the cast, the costumes, the sets and THEN decide if “she's not my agatha” c’mon guys!! she's insanely talented (a triple threat at 16!!!) and criticising her casting of agatha based on one photo - which literally says nothing about her performance- does have some severe racist undertones no matter how many times you try to defend yourself using the classic “i’m not racist but-” excuse.  

The people who casted her are literal professionals. they do this for a LIVING and have been for ages. SO ofc they would’ve casted the perfect person for the role. these are the same people who casted Harry Potter. pls just have faith in the process. they don’t want the movie to be a flop any more than we do. they picked her for a reason and i'm sure that in time we will see the exact same reasons they do

“I wanted asian agatha so i’m very disappointed in this casting”

I get it, I do but honestly,, c’mon dude A WIN FOR ONE OF US IS A WIN FOR ALL!! all minorities are all severely underrepresented in hollywood rn and idk about y’all but i’m taking this as a massive win for all us POC regardless of whether she's black, brown or asian.

“Sofias too beautiful” || “Agatha's supposed to be ugly >:(”

Agatha has literally been “beautiful all along”. the problem isn’t that she's ugly, its just that she's had impossibly low self esteem and doesn't see herself that way because of the impossibly high (mostly eurocentric) beauty standards she's held against. and with the ugly casting??? you really want them to put out a casting call specifically calling for someone ugly?? what would that even entail?? dudes The Lord of the Rings TV show tried that shit here in NZ a lil bit ago and it did NOT go down well lmao. you can’t just cast an ‘ugly’ person. also ‘hollywood’ ugly is still hot (e.g She's all That ) so idk what you guys were expecting????

pls remember Sofia is literally 16 (!!!!), she's so young and must’ve been SO excited to have gotten this role!! and if we can see all these comments, she definitely can so just be kind. ok

anyways,,,

Sofia is absolutely gorgeous and the perfect agatha and i’m very excited to see more of her ❤️

#sge #sofia wylie #school for good and evil #The School for Good and Evil #sge movie #school for good and evil movie #the school for good and evil movie #my post #Agatha of Woods Beyond #they've already casted her anyway so the only thing you can and should do anyway is be kind and supportive!

[i-loves-my-lemurs]

Fanfic writer's director's commentary! Thanks to @candycoloredwolf for the ask! I chose to talk about my first panchulien oneshot 'Wanna Dance?'. I wrote it in a single night on impulse so there's a few grammar mistakes and other stuff I noticed upon revisiting it.

I probably went way overboard on my commentary (oops) but it was so much fun going through it all. I hope this is entertaining.

.............

*the crocodile ambassador gave him an unusually soft smile.*

After everything that's happened in the show, I feel like the croc ambassador would have warmed up to Julien quite a bit and come to respect him as a leader. Also he's trying to butter Julien up before complaining about one of his subjects.

*provided they were on their best behaviour. It had said on the invitation that it was a 'sophisticated' event, so Maurice had managed to wrangle all of the lemurs into formal wear, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, dancing in pairs to the soft music*

Man, I just love it when characters dress up in fancy outfits and go dancing together (like in the prom episode). One of my favourite tropes in fact, so I just had to throw it in there!

*but still all this fancy partnered dancing wasn't entirely to the ringtail's taste.*

As much as I like the formal dancing stuff, it wouldn't be something Julien would enjoy, so he's already looking for an excuse to bounce and throw his own afterparty. He's only stayed so far to try and be polite and improve relations between their kingdoms or something else that Maurice told him to do.

*Clover, Sage and the rest of the mountain lemur kingdom was there, and the king and queen were happily sharing a waltz. Maurice was dancing with his sister while Prince Brodney was teaching their children the steps*

This takes place after the show's finale, but without the inclusion of the zoosters, so sort of like a parallel universe? Where Julien and Clover are monarchs together, which I think is neat. Also People tend to forget that Maurice has a sister, myself included really, and I kinda wish they'd had more cute bonding moments, so I gave then a brother/sister dance.

*even Pancho was leaning against a tree*

Aside from the main squad (excluding Mort of course) Pancho is the only minor lemur that Julien really mentions here. Almost like he was looking for him specifically. Hmmm....

*He caught Julien's eye and winked. Julien chuckled fondly.*

Casual flirt.

*"I do have a minor issue with the behaviour of one of your, ahem, subjects*

That little cough just feels like something the croc ambassador would do when he's embarrassed, or to sound authoritative, so he did.

*Julien tore his eyes away from Pancho*

"Tore his eyes away" almost like he didnt want to look away. Hmmm...

*The anxious lemur was currently giggling as he twirled his new boyfriend around*

Ah, I just want Willie to be happy and have a good time with his bf. He deserves to laugh more. New boyfriend infers that they're in the early stages of their relationship, so they're just messing around being silly and cute and having fun together.

*but Horst and Mary Ann weren't doing much better.*

Horst and Mary Ann deserve a nice romantic dance. It would be pretty awkward because she's twice his size and can only really walk on all fours, but they don't even care. They just cut their own path through the dance floor and ignore everyone else, no matter how annoyed the other dancers are because they keep getting in the way.

*"Well, they're both males!" He said. "It's completely unnatural, wouldn't you agree?"*

Oof, the croc ambassador wants that snooty monarch solidarity with Julien since he's the most popular king in Madagascar, but that ain't happening any time soon. Not with that attitude!

*Julien was lost for words. He had known ever since he was young that he liked boys. Every male in the kingdom liked boys! In fact, it was considered a little unusual if you WEREN'T interested in the same gender.*

I like the idea that homosexuality is just the norm in the party kingdom, kinda like She-Ra. People are just gay and nobody thinks anything of it and coming out is celebrated. Julien doesn't care if you're gay or straight though, he just cares for his peeps and wants them to love who they love.

*whatever their genders were*

A subtle difference between Julien and the croc ambassador, Julien says 'genders' while croc ambassador says 'sexes' because Julien is more open to the idea of gender not being confined to biology.

*Julien took a few deep breaths and tried desperately to not get angry.

"What's the problem man, they're just dancing." He remarked in what he hoped was a neutral tone.*

Julien tries to keep his cool here, a bit of his character development showing. He now knows that everything doesnt have to be a scene, so keeps his temper. It's also kind of to protect Willie and his partner though. He knows they're having a good time and he doesn't want to bring to their attention that their host doesn't like what they're doing, because he knows they'll be upset.

 *"rather not have it ruined by such atrocities being committed!"*

And this was the point where I started to hate the croc ambassador too while writing.

*"Oh, hey Julio." Pancho smiled at him. "I was just gonna-"*

Pancho was just gonna say that he was bored with the party and wanted to leave. He would have asked if Julien wanted to come with (he could tell Julio was getting bored and he couldn't have THAT), which would have been a different fanfiction entirely.

*"Wanna dance?" Julien said.*

I honestly can't remember if I thought of the title or this line first.

*He considered sticking his tongue out at the reptile's back, but ultimately decided that such a juvenile display wasn't the best way to get his point across.*

Again, character development. Julien has matured (a little) and realised that there are better, more fulfilling ways of getting revenge.

*"OK." Pancho said with a shrug, and slid his paw over to Julien's waist,*

Once Pancho can mentally catch up with what's going on, he rolls with it. In fact, he sorta likes the idea of dancing with Julien, and had been trying to gather the courage to ask him for most of the night. I wonder why...

*As they danced though, he began to feel his attention drawn to a different place: how smooth Pancho was on the dance floor,*

We all know Julien's attention span is not great, so there's no way he's going to be able to stay angry when he's too busy being distracted by Pancho's smoothness.

*He raised an eyebrow. "You just couldn't resist?"*

Not entirely subtle flirt.

*"But you know, you're not a bad pick." He patted Pancho on the arm.*

Not entirely subtle either flirt.

*"Abner over there's been missing steps and stumbling all night!" He glanced over at Abner and his wife with a small frown.*

Poor Abner, he's the one getting picked on tonight. Bit of a running gag here.

*Pancho's eyes widened and he instinctively pulled Julien closer, whether it was to shield him or to further prove the point, Julien couldn't tell, but the ringtail wasn't complaining.*

Pancho does pull Julien closer on instinct to protect him, he knows how badly homophobia would hurt Julien's feelings. Julien is just loving it though. He was more angry for Willie's sake than hurt anyways.

*"But us lemurs dance with guys all the time!" Pancho exclaimed. "I've seen you kiss four different guys at a party once! What's his problem?"

"That's what I'm saying, wait I did what?"*

Even if they weren't a couple, dancing together is just something the males would do. They're that casual. And of course Julien would go around kissing everybody at his parties when he gets drunk enough. Poor Julien doesnt remember half of what he does at parties though.

*"Oh no, I don't mind." Pancho remarked, then cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away.*

Awkward silence much? Internally Pancho is just screaming *why did you say that?!" because he doesn't know how to handle his feelings right now, especially not with Julien so close.

(For any other ballroom dance enthusiasts, what they're dancing would be a mix between a waltz and a slow dance. Like a casual, less fancy waltz that's quite easy for them to get the hang of, but still quite romantic and personal).

*"You know Julio, I don't think he's gonna notice." Pancho remarked.*

But eventually Pancho plucks up the courage. They're already dancing, he tells himself. And Julien just wants to make the crocodile ambassador mad. Julien kisses people platonically all the time so he won't question it. If he doesnt like it, say you were doing it to piss off the crocodiles. And if he does like it... well...

*"Well, I had an idea." Pancho was avoiding his gaze again."*

He's still nervous of course, but he's made up his mind. It's all or nothing, baby!

*"Lay it on me." Julien said.*

And he does! Literally!

*And holy Sky Gods.*

I was tempted to have this line be 'holy crap' or 'holy sh*t' because that's what I would say idk but holy sky gods just works better for the show's lore, and allows the story to keep a G rating.

*All thoughts of spiting the crocodile ambassador had been fully driven from his mind*

Julien just gets so caught up in the moment, he's all "what crocodile ambassador?" he just wants to keep kissing.

*Julien stroked his paw through Pancho's soft fur and deepened their kiss.*

I imagine Pancho's fur would be very soft, he's always playing around with explosives so he's bound to get his fur burnt off every now and then, and it grows back softer.

This was the first time I wrote the lemurs kissing, so it's not the most explicit thing in the world. I probably couldn't write an explicit kiss scene to save my life though.

*"Hoo-ah." Pancho sighed softly.*

Hoo-ah" is exactly what Pancho would say after having his mind blown by a kiss like that. Just no thoughts, head Julien.

*"Yeah, crocodile ambassador certainly thinks so." Pancho said, a wild grin overcoming his face*

Heh heh, Pancho's happy because he just got to kiss his crush (and he liked it!) But also because he can see the croc ambassador is pissed and he loves the opportunity to mess.

*some looking angry, some looking intrigued*

Some of the crocs are intrigued because they've never been able to be open about who they are or experiment because of compulsory heterosexuality in their kingdom. Seeing two guys just being so open about their attraction to each other would definitely help them rethink things. They've never seen gay love expressed like this and it's new and exciting.

*Julien's face broke out into an ecstatic grin.

"Yeah that's right!" He called wildly. "I kissed a guy! At your party! Boom, I like kissing guys! Ha, suck on that loser! Woohoo!"*

Oh the sweet triumph of proving a point. This rant was a joy to write, it just feels very Julien.

*He grabbed Pancho's hand and held it up.*

Grab your boyfriend's hand, hold it aloft like a prize.

*"I'm like ninety percent sure Ted likes kissing guys!"*

Haha, poor Teddy needs to be extracted from the closet, pronto. Julien just has an excellent gaydar.

* and tucked a protective arm around his daughter's shoulders, turning her away from Julien.*

I imagine princess Amy would have some questions after this, questions which her father would definitley struggle to answer. If she really wants to find out what Pancho and Julien were doing, I imagine she'd visit the party kingdom alone, and the lemurs would be happy to answer her questions. Pancho and Julien may have ushered in a new era for the crocodile kingdom and their relationship with LGBT+.

*There came a cheer from the crowd of lemurs and they all began to head off the dance floor*

Of course the other lemurs go with Julien immediately, he's their king after all and the moment he suggests that someone might not be cool with their sexualities, they're ready to bounce.

*Clover and Sage at the front hand in hand,*

Clover and Sage would definitley be behind Julien 100%. The moment he declares that they're out of there, they just drop everything to leave with him.

*some mountain lemur ladies holding hands too.*

Mountain lemur lesbians? Anyone? I just think it's neat.

*"You read my mind, Julio."

Julien pulled Pancho towards him and tried to ignore how it felt like there was a little party going on in his stomach when Pancho called him that.*

Julien really likes that name! I see it as an affectionate nickname Pancho gave him that eventually just evolves into a pet name that makes Julien a little warm and fuzzy inside every time he hears it.

*Julien's heart leapt with joy to see Willie clutching his boyfriend's hands as they danced.*

Daaaww, Julien might pick on Willie but at the end of the day he likes to see him happy. He's glad they don't have to stay at a party where their dancing is scrutinised.

*Pancho rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as they stood face to face. "I'm sorry about kissing you, I just-"*

Now that there's some distance between them, Pancho has had time to think and wonder "oh sheesh, what if I messed it up, what if he only felt like it was platonic" and he's now all embarrassed, poor leem. He's just a guy in love.

*He nodded, then cleared his throat in an attempt to get a grip on his emotions. "You know, um, while we were dancing*

And now we see Julien trying to hold it together, these two are just so precious and I can totally see them stumbling over their feelings like that.

*kissed Pancho on the forehead, giggling slightly at the other lemur's squeak of surprise.*

Pancho is the perfect height for affectionate forehead kisses, let's not forget it!

*Pancho and Julien headed onto the dancefloor together and moved their bodies to the beat.*

They would have spent the night together just dancing and vibing (and making out probably).

*Nobody there who gave them the stink-eye or who told them that they were wrong. They danced and had fun and kissed without a care in the world. Julien felt so happy that his kingdom was a place where he could kiss Pancho all he liked.*

Ah I really went to town on the "love is love" concept here, didn't I? Well, a theme is a theme.

Julien's just really happy at the place he's created. He's glad they can dance and kiss and all that jazz, and he did that, he created a kingdom free of prejudice. It's exactly how I can see the kingdom's relationship with LGBT+ going down, a place where they're all just happy to vibe and be themselves.

.........

And that's the end. I hope you enjoyed this premium insight into my writings, and if you want commentary on another of my stories, or just have random questions, then my inbox is always open :)

#ask post #fanfic commentary #ahkj fanfiction #homophobia mention

[crackcrocs]

DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #9

This is to narcissistic mothers/ parents & anyone who is willing to understand.

(Written by me-for and through the lens of my dear friend, i wish you nothing but freedom from her chains. i wish you TLC)

Their ability to make everyone think they’re loving parents.

Their ability to make their kids believe that abuse is normal.

Their ability to make you believe you owe them everything.

Their ability to make themselves believe that they are right.

Their ability to turn the tables and make you believe that it was your fault.

All of this rings so true.

They do make you feel crazy; they suck the energy and ability to reason logically right out of you- and, by very nature of their narcissism, it never occurs to them that *they* might be the problem.

You can’t expect a relationship to happen with someone highly dysfunctional. how do you stoop down to the level of someone who aside from work & put all energy into keeping up an appearance can only abuse substance, speak to empty friends & post garbage.

In truth, I think the alcoholism is a symptom of her larger mental illness or narcissistic personality disorder- but it’s no excuse. Her parenting is unreliable, inconsistent, and unpredictable. There never is a sense of safety and consistency, allowing me to thrive.

I’m told to forgive & keep peace & ignore all your craziness. All the advice I've been getting on dealing with a narcissistic mother has been saying to avoid her as much as possible, or to try communicate & ‘keep peace’ as if I haven’t tried to communicate, as if I’m purposely singling her out from our already empty relationship. Well now I'm stuck at home all day, or every household or friend I bring over, she decides to involve. So much for distancing myself.  The worst part is she isn't even doing it herself, she just sits around watching tv, having friends over & phoning everyone while Im expected to clean up after her and "contribute" to the family/ financially support my self for college.

- Yes, absolutely, I am the crazy one. You know what, I’m not even going to deny it, I probably have a ton of issues, most of them mental. But guess where they came from? Guess who made those problems worse and maybe even helped create them? No mom, you’re not to blame for everything or the “war in Iraq” as you so eloquently put it. But you are to blame for some it, at the very least. it’s time to take account & I will no longer be made to feel like the obligated for for an entitled narc.

I feel your claws sinking in less and less.  You no longer have me in chains, I will break free from your emotional bondage even if it takes me seeming boring & silencing myself around you to not endure & tolerate your nonsense. Your words no longer fill me with despair like they once did.

This year long cold shoulder would have once filled me with anxiety but now all I feel is bliss. I no longer feel jealous when others talk about their seemingly perfect parents because I may not have that luxury but what I do have is a chance to be a "perfect parent" myself potentially one day. To be everything you couldn't and wouldn't somewhere far away and isolated from your poison.

I wonder how you feel...  but I simply can’t understand or pretend to care anymore. I’m tired of putting energy into a source that doesn’t put out. When children don't talk to you unless prompted- it’s because there is nothing to be said after the plenty opportunities given to converse truly & openly.

No I don’t want to speak to your 9th friend on the phone today again about surface level things just to please you. No I don’t want to come socialise with your drunk friends & be spoken to like a child

When you have to tell yet another lie to yet another friend to mask the evidence of a broken home When you look in the mirror and only see insecurities When you realise there's no one around you and can't figure out why When you tear down someone close yet again, to feel good about yourself  I wonder how you feel, I wonder if you feel, I wonder if you can...

my mom pushes me away but doesnt wanna let me leave. she doesn’t want to take into account that she pushed me to this extent. part of growth is being able to communicate your emotions properly. how can a whole 43 year old be unable to do so? I Vocalize when I’m not okay with something. Communication helps people avoid being uncomfortable, easily triggered, hostile, or passive aggressive with people. her communication is one sided and I’m the only one who gets to listen while she’s the only one who gets to talk, otherwise I’m ‘answering back’ or ‘telling a woman what to do’ even though I talk sense and out of respect in my responses or when I do try speak.

Worse yet I have to go BACK to the emotionally abusive situation that I basically fled.

What really bugs me is when you’ve given someone so many chances to do better and change. But then once you get tired of their antics, you try to move on and they continually try to reel you back in. Not even trying to change, but instead *trying* to reel you back in for their benefit. It’s unhealthy and traumatizing to say the least.

I guess i should be glad your swinging moods and emotions taught me to manage mine from young. I should be glad that I had to teach myself not to care about what you said to me and what you thought about me. I should be overjoyed that the side effect was me not caring about what anyone said or thought and basically becoming an inert emotionless void. I should be thankful that I always look fine even when I’m in pain and feeling like death and I’m capable of putting up with things that would send any sane person off the edge.

relationships are so much healthier when the goal is to experience life together and not to try to make the person into who you want them to be or to make them do what you want them to do. In my case my mother has de masculated me over the years making me soft and obedient, for her own selfish gain of having a man worship her. she decided since she doesn’t have a man, or never managed to find someone stay at home that’s he truly connected to, she’s decided the man that’s going to worship her will be me- her son. Since I resemble my father who she was in love with, she will always talk bad on me as she resents my father for not wanting her.

through gaslighting me over the years, it’s become harder to speak up, I even feel embarrassed to tell my dad even though that’s probably the only thing that will make her open her eyes and get clean. my pot is boiling though. Independence is obviously healthy but when it gets to the point where i find it challenging to actually be able to even admit that i might need assistance in this situation,  problems arise. And for what? Why I’m I protecting her image? I’ve been taught to & I’m a respectable young man who won’t take joy from her exposure, but I don’t take joy from preserving information & keeping it all inside to deal with myself. I’ve become so hard on myself and still pushing through-it’s not easy, people still expect me to be a super heroe all the time. I have a hard time opening up, allowing people to help me in whatever I’m doing. I hate even admitting I need help most times. I wish I’d been taught early what my mother learned late, thankfully I was observant, self taught & still willing to learn- thankfully I’m not a follower & I know right from wrong.

The worst part about looking at the future and trying to imagine it full of hope, light and emotional health is knowing that you'll always have the scars. Emotional abusers aren't supposed to leave scars but mine managed to. And in my mother's usual style it can even be passed off as unintentional. In my case it was actually supposed to a kind act which ended badly in the way that only events in my life can seem to end.

All the phone calls to your friends, you continuously fake talk about me on a nonexistent relationship. it’s sad how you need to phone 100 people in a day and can only hold the same surface level chats. I wonder if you can grip the fact that nobody ever wants to help you with anything. you’re lucky they even listen and you’re lucky they only know your side of the story every time. you’re a great potter & can mould situations.

It’s sad that if you sense the slightest hint that people do not approve of your estrangement and they are not going to be there for your nonsense, you stir the pot and involve and buss peoples names, further spinning your web of lies.

All the pity you came to relish over the years as single mother warrior extraordinaire would simply dry up. Any attempts to paint me, your only child in a negative light would seem simply monstrous if I exposed you, but I maintain respect, bite my tongue & hold my head up because my real mother figure taught me that.

But really you have to keep up the pretense to your friends, that I was an insubordinate, ungrateful bitch of a problem child and you were a glorious brave single mother at her wits end just trying to make things work. even with the mural I painted, you forced me to mention the single mother narrative; as if that had anything to do with my art piece. I mean how selfish can you be? the art peace was to represent Sheku Bayou & the BLM movement, I didn’t even want to put my real name- I wanted to put my instagram page associated with my art because business is business and personal is personal. but to toot your horn, I added a whole separate paragraph because you wanted your name to be connected to my art piece as though I’m some sort of celebrity and it was my claim to fame. the single mother narrative is bullshit, I know tonnes of single african parents that know how to step up when it’s time to be a mother, but that’s something you’ve never known how to do. I remember you drunk the day I came here and I will never forget the words ‘I will drink myself to death if I want to’ I don’t have sympathy anymore and I’m not a saviour, I have tried and tried through hiding alcohol, attempting to converse & get her to cut down; but you can only bring a horse to the water not to drink it. how is a teenager meant to know how to stop an alcoholic junkie? I’m her son you say? If she truly cared and wanted to fix up, I would be one thing to stop her I thought.

my mother is an alcoholic. an addict. she refuses to wear those labels, but this has far exceeded the occasional ‘binge’ ‘sesh’ or ‘Prosecco party’ .Throughout middle school and high school, I would guess that half or so of the days out of the year she spent in a wine haze. Even my constant begging her to stop drinking did not stop it. Pouring her wine down the drain or hiding it made her angry and transitioned to mental and phsyical abuse. She became increasingly angry and I aged and entered high school but she was always this way since I came really. It was during this time that I would lock the doors to my room and try to hide from her in there. I still barricade my room door to this day just for my own peace. Despite all the horrendous things she did, every once in a while she did give me money, and this gets dangled over my head RELENTLESSLY... as if money buys love.

I needed to get some outside reassurance that I'm sane. Thankfully now I know and all I can do is try stay in my lane, can’t argue with a supposed adult with a brain that resembles a wall or a child.

People who were emotionally abused have spent far too long defending themselves. Justifying their own feelings. Trying to make others see and understand what they went through is a task. Abusive parents are very good at manipulating. that’s why I have ceased contact with this toxic person, i do not owe anyone an explanation.Doesn’t matter if they are a family member or close family friend. Doesn’t matter if they are a friend or acquaintance of yours. I’ve learned just to be boring , save everything interesting and beautiful about myself for those who deserve it.

#LCZABIBU #deathwillonlybethebeginning

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Assessing writing in homestuck: The difference between appealing characters and well-written character stories.

i was rambling about this to /u/cookiefonster in the discord earlier

theres a big difference between what qualifies as "good narrative" and "good character", even when the narrative youre discussing is focusing entirely on that character.

lets give you a couple of examples:

Terezi:

Terezi's a character who has a kind of fucked up storyline that just constantly loops back in on itself; she spends all of act 5 deciding whether to deal with Vriska or not, then gets in abusive relationships in act 6 after not being able to cope with her death. Terezi ends up with massive self esteem issues. Following from THIS, she dies, and retcons the story to undo her mistake and try to prevent the collapse of her self esteem. Sounds like an epic resolution to an arc, right?

Nope - post retcon, they brought Terezi's self esteem issues back but didn't give her the time of day to properly interact with other characters about it. She was unconfident around Vriska and insecure about her altself. Then she has a bit of a breakdown, unlocking some of the potential of her seer of mind abilities, and having a realisation of who truly is. You'd think, wow, Terezi after Remem8er is going to be interacting so much more with the other kids and FINALLY overcome her battle with depression, RIGHT?!?!

uhhh..... she doesnt say anything again until after the comic is over. then shes seen travelling through space.

When the epilogues drop she's interacting with John, they're building on top of their already amazing chemistry, they seem to understand each other like nobody else does in the entire fucking saga. Then Terezi nearly "dies" but another John finds her and they have a heart to heart before Terezi decides it's time go home.

WOOOOOW, you think, Terezi is FINALLY LEARNING TO LOVE HERSELF?!¬?!?!?! an interaction with a HEALTHY PERSON?!?!?!

Then John dies. Then Terezi hates Earth C so much and is so isolated from everybody she knows that she doesn't hesitate to join the villain in space. And it's implied Vriska texts her but she never reads those messages insofar as the canon material ends.

Overall, a rather anticlimactic story about a character whose arc is constantly recycled, not allowed to be given closure at any stage, falling into the same tragedy pit. It's like an art form of cockblocking.

So, why is Terezi as cherished as she is? How come even in the face of the ending, the epilogue, where it feels like Terezi has just been going round in circles, she is probably one of the most loved characters in homestuck?

There's a few factors:

Humor - Being able to make your audience laugh in a genuine way will put you in their favour. Terezi's dark humor, which works in tandem with her general naivete, has always been delightful.

Relevance - The part where Terezi's popularity might have actually struggled would be during Meteorstuck where she was pushed on the sidelines. Every moment she's been around after GAME OVER, however, she's been one of the most active character pushing the plot and generating excitement for whatever thing she's going to do next, even if it does become a loop. Killing John>Killing Vriska>Killing Gamzee>Retconquest>Remem8er>Finding Vriska>Finding John>Leaving with Dirk to save John>??? - she's always on some sort of mission which means if you're thinking about the plot then you might be thinking about something that ties into her storyline.

But most importantly, Authenticity - Terezi's dialogue is actually very well-written, in that she's one of the least wordy characters, but she gets exactly what she's feeling across whenever she talks about it. If you look at all the conversations she's had with Vriska or John or even Dave then you can tell Terezi feels very strongly about whatever she's feeling, and is either trying to disguise that feeling or is trying to put it to words she's struggling to find. Yet even when Terezi can't describe what she's feeling, the audience knows, because her condensed dialogue is expressive enough for us to be able to tell. It also helps that Terezi is one of the most invested in the other cast members, being - if not more righteous - then more analytical of her friends, taking in why they behave the way they do. It doesn't matter that arc-wise she goes in circles, because you can tell exactly how it keeps happening.

I feel like if Terezi didn't have that factor, if there wasn't so much weight to her emotional presentation and if the audience wasn't able to "feel" for her, then she would probably be significantly less popular. I guess that’s why many people feel it’s better for her to still be stuck in the “plot” of homestuck, to lack closure, because maybe closure would feel forced in this universe that’s taken so much from its kids? How can you “forget” what happened and just act like you never entered the game to begin with? Some of the other characters have this issue and it harms them deeply.

Let’s get into that!!!!!

Lord English and Calliope :

I feel so bad for Hussie. He clearly put a lot of thought into the relationship between Calliope and Caliborn, how their characters intertwine throughout this epic story. Yet despite them being the narrative fuel for the entirety of homestuck, and having an awesome thematic ending to their tales, it feels like the "cherub wars" part of homestuck never stuck its foot too deeply in the public consciousness.

Like, let's describe their narration: Two people born in the same body, one good, one evil. One is predestined to rule over the other.

In one universe the cherubs are left in their natural state. The Just cherub, Calliope, predominates... but because the universe is rigged, she is forced to be put into obscurity, residing for billions of years in a hidden dream bubble until the time is right. In another universe, there is intervention - Gamzee introduces the cherubs to humans, and they start to imitate their concepts and feelings. Because of this, Calliope becomes a softer being, engaging happily with the humans. She even wants to take mercy on her brother! But Caliborn takes on human ambition and grows determined to stop his sister from predominating, taking advantage of the human concept of “cheating” in order to beat her at their own game.

Caliborn defeats his sister, and is thrown into a session where he’s forced to overcome seemingly impossible challenges. He succeeds, and is given the ultimate power. Caliborn can will the universe to how he sees fit.

Caliborn’s given just desserts by getting trapped in the juju by the alpha kids but not before the monkey’s paw of trapping all the (alternate) beta kids for millenia, and in becoming trapped, he ends up becoming Lil Cal and Doc Scratch, who manipulate events so that he will rise again as an adult.

But the one thing that drives Caliborn more than anything is the desire to destroy his perfect sister - Calliope. A never ending thirst for her death. For predomination Caliborn never predominated normally so he never gets over it. This is part of why he’s so obsessed with showmanship and art too, to one-up her character. He circles the universe destroying all that is irrelevant, all that is obscure, in the hopes of demolishing all versions of his sister, having the primal fear that she will one day catch him out.

Our predominated calliope meets with the ghost of her alternate self, who tells her that her purpose as a softer human version is to just live her life. To be free. To appreciate all that humanity offers her. Whereas the Alternate Calliope’s role is to commit the ultimate sacrifice, to put an end to her brother’s ego. She absorbs the Green Itself into a catastrophic black hole that erases what is left of the universe.

You think that is the end, but Calliope is reborn in a new form, rewarded for her hard efforts, and becomes a full narrator for the story itself, protecting it from the evil of the Prince. She’s an active guide for the characters of Homestuck, wastching over them. She destroys her brother once and for all, absorping him inside herself.

Wasn’t all of that FUCKING AWESOME?!?!?!??! “Wow”, you think, “Calliope sounds so hardcore!!! I’m sure she’s an amazing character to have such a conclusive storyline like this!!”

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Literally nobody on the internet sees Calliope as their favourite character, except for maybe Past!Shelby Cragg who was her artist. And while Caliborn has his fans, nobody is a big fan of Lord English either. In fact most people tend to forget about the Lord English part of him because it’s just not that engaging!

Basing this on the above analysis about Terezi, what is lacking in terms of these characters?

Humor - Caliborn is a hilarious character, absolutetly no doubt about that. He’s so stupid and the way he sees the world is hilarious. It’s almost Terezi-ish even, except far more exaggerated in terms of his vulgarity and naivete, since he was locked in a fucking cage all his life. Caliborn makes us laugh pretty much every time we see him... but this character is lost entirely in Lord English, who does not wish to engage with the audience at all. Lord English is entirely a machine at this stage, just acting to destroy. As for CALLIOPE, she was never that great in the humor department. I’d be surprised if the original Callie knows what “jokes” are. Alt Calliope was also a stooge until the Epilogue where she trolls Dirk, and yes those parts are delightful and boost her in my eyes significantly, but in the core part of homestuck she is incredibly serious all the time.

Relevance - After reading me narrate the entire Cherub plot and how impactful it was on the entirety of homestuck you’d think I’m a fucking idiot for trying to argue that Calliope and Lord English are irrelevant, right? Well Too Bad!!! That’s exactly what I think. Doc Scratch was relevant to what was happening to our core cast of characters, manipulating them behind the scenes, taking advantage of them and fuelling their personal drama for his greater gain. This is why we love Doc Scratch so much and can even enjoy Ultimate Dirk for doing the same thing. Caliborn had a reduced impact on our main cast, but Lord English’s impact is pretty much nonexistent outside of the first time we see him in Caliborn: Enter. Once again, he’s literally only there to destroy the fucking universe, but when our main characters are either enjoying themselves in the new Alpha session or in Earth C, you have to ask why you or they should be interested in what LE is doing? Dave says so himself, that LE has not done anything wrong to him so he’s not hyped to go kill him. Calliope, meanwhile.... Her relevance is split in two, and neither is too substantial to what our main guys are doing.It “makes sense” as she’s such a passive character, but Calliope’s struggle with relevance doesn’t take me as impacting her too much, and I’ll get onto that in a second. Only one alpha kid ever thinks about her, she doesn’t think about anyone except herself, and while Jade has some kind of relationship with Alt!Callie, it isn’t a personal one by any means. Calliope’s impact on the emotional arcs of homestuck is so minimal that she was erased from the epilogues which she wrote herself. Even Calliope can’t think of anything to do with Calliope!!! How about that!!!

Oh, and of course, Authenticity - Caliborn feels like an authentic character because he deals with actual struggles. Caliborn finds it tremendously difficult to do things other characters might have an easy time with, like drawing, thinking in anything OTHER than straight lines... but he perseveres. Caliborn faces his impossible and brutal tasks head on to claim the Ultimate Reward. He’s fucking EARNED that ability to destroy everything in reality, and by god he’s let us know!!! This is why Caliborn is such a cherished character. Even though he’s evil as fuck, he feels like a real kid somehow. It goes without saying that although Doc Scratch has a different kind of authentic creepiness, Lord English has nothing on him that makes him feel real. He’s just a machine, as said before. CALLIOPE’s authenticity.... The alpha Calliope is a character who became “so nice” and so “perfect” that she ended up losing her fight against her evil brother just because she was that good a person as to let him get the better of her. Nothing that ever happens to her is her fault. She never gets in any conflicts with any character ever, except for that one time she yelled too loud in Candy but nobody told her off for it. Calliope is perfect at art, a fair enough writer. The closest thing to a “flaw” she’s ever had is getting so excited about her friends that she writes creepy fanfic about them, something that is parodied in Candy, which has been implied to be narrated (or at least retold) by Calliope herself in Meat. Simply put, Calliope is... a mary sue. A flawless character. There is absolutely no authenticity and no way to relate to her. Alt Calliope.... she’s a martyr? But why does she want to be a martyr? What does she care about the human characters? She’s even less authentic. It is badass to watch her tear down Dirk, and the story takes advantage of how unreadable she is by making her intimidating as fuck, an all knowing force to contest - no, overpower - that of Dirk or even Hussie himself. Alt Callie is more knowing in her fakeness, she has a better struggle as well what with having to escape from obscurity and overcome her brother, and therefore is a better character, at the end of the epilogues, than the original.

TL;DR: It’s not just about making interesting things happen to your characters. It’s making sure they have interesting reactions to what is going on. If your character becomes someone who things just “happen” to, and who does not respond to those things in an authentic way, then nobody is going to care for them no matter how important or existentially poetic their arc is.

#long post #homestuck #terezi pyrope #calliope #caliborn #doc scratch #lord english

[kiruuuuu]

Doc/Lion oneshot in which Lion absolutely can’t get enough of Doc. (Rating E, pure filth + fluff, ~4k words) - written for the ever so wonderful 1ce_09 on twitter ♥♥ Everyone who hasn’t already, check them out for beautiful Siege art! Thank you so much for commissioning me, I enjoyed myself :)

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If anyone had asked Lion a year – hell, months – ago which part of the day was his least favourite, he would’ve said waking up. Throughout his life, the only consistently good thing staying with him has been how easily he falls asleep and his ability to only wake up once fully rested; he sometimes thinks it’s a genuine blessing he received, a rare show of mercy of which he’s ultimately undeserving. Even when his mind worked overtime, even when there was an oppressive weight on his soul, even when there was no reason to get up in the morning, he drifted off like a lazy, oversized house cat napping in the sun. In rare moments, he idly wonders whether this ability hasn’t saved his life at some point, granted him this little bit of energy he needed to get through the day, gave him enough hope to trudge on and eventually sparked his endeavour to make it up to those he wronged.

And then there are his dreams. They’ve always been vivid, abstract, hard to grasp, but as a child he could always pinpoint at least a location or a person, something concrete which gave him an indication of what was on his mind at the time. After – after Claire, after colourful pills and pieces of paper with cartoon characters on them and a few other things, his nightly visions became even more obscure, swirls of colour, evoking emotions whose vibrancy stays with him in this twilight between waking and sleeping, a half-doze in which he’s disembodied yet conscious. He enjoys their embrace and despised nothing more than the afterimages being violently ripped away from him by a shrill alarm.

These days, he doesn’t mind it so much. The reason for his change of mind is as fortunate as it is unbelievable because of all its facets no one could’ve predicted, especially not him: It’s someone he loves (and he’d given up on this particular idea a while ago). It’s a man (and while he’s fooled around with some of his friends before, it was largely born from spite and the thrill of the forbidden). And of all people, it’s Doc.

It took him months to come to terms with the realisation that his infuriating colleague never really left his thoughts because of a fierce desire to impress him, not because of personal dislike. Doc is revered wherever he treads and when Lion earned his ire, it was much easier to pretend the negativity dictating Lion’s remorseless remarks and actions towards the other man stemmed from disdain and not disappointment in himself, not from a knee-jerk reaction to the realisation that Doc would never see him as an equal now.

It took him even longer to finally act on it too, reach out and attempt to rebuild the bridge Doc had destabilised and which Lion had spitefully burned in response; it required endless conversations with Bertrand as well as the rest of the GIGN, a worrisome amount of self-reflection, and uncomfortable, tough admissions.

But he managed. Looking back, it’s amazing how much he turned his life around, how much he achieved with the help of those around him and indubitably help from above, and he’s humble enough to try and let his gratitude shine through in everything he does these days.

He even learnt to enjoy waking up. Though admittedly it wasn’t difficult, no, not at all, not when he knows he’ll have company, be greeted with a smile and a kiss, a brief update on global events, a cup of coffee just how he likes it. And so instead of hitting the snooze button on his phone several times, tossing and turning, dreading the beginning of yet another day, he wakes with a serenity he never thought he could achieve.

This morning, his heart feels even lighter than normal and it doesn’t take long to figure out why: there’s a warm body next to his. Doc prefers getting up early, always prefers being prepared no matter what and possesses the inhuman ability to sleep without an alarm and be on time anyway – but rarely, on one of their days off, he allows himself to sleep in, much to Lion’s delight.

Smiling to himself, he rolls on his side to dazedly blink at the spectacular view in front of him and really, Doc has no business being this gorgeous this early in the day. He’s stretched out on his stomach – and he’s the only person Lion has met who sleeps this way –, head turned away from Lion, explaining his constant neck pains, and smooth skin illuminated by the rays falling in through the blinds, painting long stripes on his naked back.

Lion doesn’t want to disturb the image yet reaches out regardless, runs his fingertips over shoulder blades jutting out, the dip of his lower back, relaxed muscles, and reaches the blanket covering Doc from the hips downwards. He should let him sleep. Really, he should, but with every centimetre more that’s revealed, Lion’s interest rises. He takes his time, pauses when he hears his lover take a deep breath and proceeds when it evens out again. Slowly, surely, he reveals plump curves and more soft skin, and then his gaze falls on the discoloured spots on the back of Doc’s thighs and the almost languorous desire playfully swaying in the back of his mind suddenly gets shoved to the very forefront, makes his heart skip a beat and his crotch throb.

Memories from the previous evening come flooding back, the end of a tedious work day necessitating some kind of release – they’d started as soon as they set foot into their apartment, Lion crowding his lover against the door and licking every bit of composure off his tongue, then wandering deeper with his hungry mouth and swallowing him whole, something he’s come to love, provided he can watch Doc’s features dissolve into helpless want while sucking on him, hard. He took his time, did so for the rest too, left Doc aching and fingered him open over the couch until he was flushed and flustered and even more beautiful, took him standing up until his legs gave in, relocated to the kitchen table, eventually landed in bed where he finished them both off with merciless snaps of his hips, listening to Doc’s desperate whines and floating on pure ecstasy.

The bruises are remnants, and now he also feels the scratches on his back again which he didn’t let the other man see, angled his body so he wouldn’t notice the damage he’s done – he usually feels bad about leaving marks though Lion can never get enough. It’s one of the many small disagreements about which they half-heartedly argue and neither of them is ready to budge, but more often than not they end with a hand in someone’s hair or quick kisses. There’s more, now that he knows where to look, Doc’s ass cheeks themselves are still tinted red and the lovebites Lion sucked onto his ribs remain perfectly visible as well.

Maybe he should add a few.

Moving carefully, he removes the blanket entirely, admires Doc’s shapely legs for a moment and then kneels between them, intending no more than to touch the sleeping beauty a little, but as soon as his palms come to rest on firm flesh, a different thought makes his cock twitch in anticipation. Doc is perfectly on display like this, the hills and valleys of his body enticing in a way that Lion wants nothing more than mould himself around them, and he decides to appreciate it all by waking Doc with something more… personal than simply covering him in hickeys.

Thumbs pull the cheeks apart a little, exposing a pink hole which looks overwhelmingly inviting to Lion, a hole he abused to his heart’s content the previous evening and so it’s only appropriate for him to make up for the rough treatment, isn’t it? He leans forward and gingerly circles the rim with the tip of his tongue, starting feather-light and increasing the intensity slowly, intersperses it with broad laps and has to suppress a moan when he feels the ring of muscle pulsing in response. He’s felt similar contractions around his shaft so many times before and the association is all he needed for a full, heavy erection – especially when he remembers Doc’s usual, elated expression whenever he climaxes.

The hips beneath his hands shift a little, and a foot lifts, powerless, and when he pushes the tip of his tongue inside, Doc lets out a sleepy groan. “Really?”, he mumbles into the sheets but makes no move to stop Lion. “Didn’t we do enough yesterday?”

He grins and forces himself a little deeper, eliciting a weak moan, before withdrawing for a reply: “Gustave, I can never have enough of you.” And to cut off any smart remark, he wiggles his tongue back inside and turns all of Doc’s protests into small, appreciative noises. Though his lover appears to be the voice of reason more often than not, he allows himself to get swept up by Lion’s passion all the time, mentioning work but riding him with abandon ten minutes later, scolding him for only thinking about one thing but asking him to come on his face the same day. Lion never minds initiating, not when this is the result: an increasingly aroused Doc meeting his mouth with subtle grinding, fisting the sheets and not even fully awake yet.

A curious finger proves Doc to be more than loose enough a few minutes later, and by this point they’re both panting and dizzy – and besides, Lion has always been more of a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ type, so he wastes no time in grabbing the lube strategically placed on the bedside table to pour a generous amount on his stiff cock, wincing a little at the cool, viscous liquid. A few strokes for good measure coat it sufficiently and the next moment he’s rubbing his tip over the very hole he licked open just now, felt it quiver around his tongue. The touch is electrifying and the fierce need pulsing through him urges him to give in, take what’s his, ensure his own pleasure.

But he waits. Bites his lip in impatience, pushes slightly against the entrance and shivers when he feels it give way a little, squeezes one of the buttcheeks he maltreated in the sweetest way possible last night – but he waits.

And then Doc meets him, lifts his hips to allow the head to slip inside and both of them gasp at the sudden surge of pleasure. Lion accepts this signal for what it is and begins the slow slide, pushes deeper and deeper into deliciously tight heat, feels Doc’s walls contract around his dick and only stops once he’s bottoms out. Since his lover usually requires a moment to adjust, Lion uses this time to not only focus on how fucking good he feels, but also to straddle the other man properly and lean down, cover him with his own body and place a few loving kisses on the top of his head.

“Other people wake their boyfriends with breakfast in bed”, Doc grumbles under him, now less bleary than before, but the hand he places next to Lion’s contradicts his words. He spreads his fingers and Lion interlaces them with his own, holds on tight and makes no move to suppress the smile stretching his lips at the gesture.

“Their boyfriends are definitely not as erotic as mine then”, he purrs into Doc’s hair. His limbs are possessively caging the other man in and even then, it hardly suffices to sate his need to be as close to Doc as possible, feel all of him.

“What you mean to say is they have more than just a shred of self-control.” And oh, he’s going to make Doc eat those words.

Slowly, he begins grinding down, impatient erection twitching eagerly inside and rubbing against all the right places if Doc’s startled gasp is anything to go by. He loves it deep and Lion knows it, rolls his hips against his lover’s perfect ass and makes him feel every centimetre keenly. For good measure, he bows his head to latch onto that spot right below Doc’s ear which he knows drives him wild, tongues at it wetly before sucking and relishes the unrestrained moan he earns for his trouble. Over time, he’s memorised all of Doc’s weakspots and exploits this knowledge now shamelessly, bites at his earlobe and trails his lips over soft skin to the back of Doc’s neck where he nibbles, his lazy motions emphasising his ministrations.

By now, Doc is trembling against him, the deep grind stealing his breath and causing him to jerk his hips up in search of more thorough stimulation than this merciless teasing, trying to fuck himself on Lion’s cock but failing. Frustrated huffs join the quiet panting, his grip involuntarily tightening parallel to him clenching desperately around Lion’s hard shaft and it’s mesmerising to behold how his mock crossness melts away into pure lust.

Doc’s other hand reaches back and digs into Lion’s ass, tries to get him to move more, faster, anything, but when that fails as well, he pleads: “Come on, just fuck me, Olivier.”

He knows how this goes. Grinning to himself, Lion tenses his muscles to make his dick throb inside additionally to the tantalising motions and decides to have even more fun. “You look so pretty, impaled on my cock”, he whispers and throws Doc a bone, withdraws all the way and slowly slides back in, keeps this torturous pace and sighs contentedly every time Doc’s hole allows him back in, stretches around him. He meant his words – he really can never get enough of this.

Uneven breaths have turned into whines now. “Olivier, please -”

“I could fuck you, pump you full of come and then leave you, dripping and begging for it”, he continues and concentrates on the steady build of pleasure – a slow climb but oh so satisfying. Doc feels wonderful around him. “Could do that the entire day. Every time you suck me until I’m hard again, I shoot inside but you’re not allowed to come. You can ride my cock all day, Gustave.” The thought is dazzling and he probably never fantasised about someone while being balls deep inside that very person, yet he can’t help but picture Doc all powerless, frenzied, obeying him fully. He knows Doc is too proud to actually agree to anything like it, though the throaty moan Doc lets out in response tells Lion unambiguously that he’s imagining it – and actually enjoys the thought. Still, Lion’s thumb strokes reassuringly over the hand he’s still holding.

“Please, I want you, go faster -” Doc’s impatience has reached its peak now, he shoves himself onto Lion’s member in one go and pushes against him, whimpers when Lion gnaws at his neck in retaliation and rises nonetheless, lifting his lover’s body with him. The teasing has left him frantic and exactly how Lion likes it, cheeks red and gaze almost defiant when he glares at the larger man over his shoulder. Lion could spend all day marvelling at the state of him.

Instead, he relents, guides Doc onto his hands and knees and grabs his hips to steady him, fingers brushing over the bruises on Doc’s thigh, the faint purplish tinge an expression of his devotion. “You want it hard?”, he asks and is almost surprised at how breathy his own voice is. Unbridled want is pulsing through him, vicious and blinding, making his digits itch and cock ache.

Doc nods wordlessly and it’s probably good he can’t see the pure joy on Lion’s face over the admission. Even now, even with how familiar they are with each other, every confirmation of the passion, respect and love they share sparks delight.

A sharp snap of Lion’s hips later and his focus is elsewhere again. Now he’s getting serious, drives into Doc at a fast tempo, watches as his entire erection disappears inside him and tries his best not to come on the spot. The abrupt stimulation is almost too much but he keeps going through the discomfort paired with blunt need until he hears himself moan loudly in pleasure, dig his fingertips into Doc’s flesh. He’s not going to last long, that much is clear, but he’s going to make it good regardless.

A few pointed thrusts elicit more dazed whimpering from his lover, a picturesque arch of his back to allow Lion to penetrate him all the way and even another, decidedly more heated glance back at him. They’re both equally into it, tensing and moving against each other amid the sound of skin slapping against skin, the rustling of sheets as Doc desperately seeks support, leverage, anything to hold on to – and Lion shares the sentiment of feeling wholly lost yet not wanting to be found. Ruthlessly, he slams into his lover, chasing his pleasure, helping Doc pursue his own, and makes no effort to hide his enjoyment.

A sudden spike almost pushes him over the edge when Doc’s arms give in, accompanied by something that sounds suspiciously like a keen, and now he’s really pounding him into the mattress, showing him just how deep his desire runs, how comprehensive his attraction is. He can’t even pinpoint which part it is exactly about Doc that drives him this wild, fills him with the urge to claim, mark, embrace and never let go; and he revels in the knowledge of being able to make this otherwise so poised, dignified and professional man fall apart, provoke emotions from him he displays for no one else.

“Come for me”, Lion gasps in between the creaking of the bed, “do it. Come on, amour, Gustave, I want to feel it.” And the sounds he wrenches from Doc’s throat with every thrust get impossibly louder when his lover reaches for his dick, probably not able to keep up with the merciless rhythm with which Lion is driving into him but still good enough. He gets tighter, even more so when Lion’s breath hitches, followed by a growl. He’s getting closer by the second, Doc’s noises and velvety heat making up the perfect catalyst -

And then Doc orgasms, surprisingly quickly for how little he stroked himself, he must’ve been primed, possibly dreamt of Lion and this thought is a whole other turn-on he shelves away for later. Right now, he watches, utterly transfixed, as Doc spasms under him, hips rolling futilely to either increase the intensity or shy away from it as he shoots his sperm in short bursts in between the hard thrusts. Lion fucks him through it, runs one of his palms over the dancing muscles of Doc’s back and shudders at the violent contractions around his throbbing cock; fucks him through the aftershocks, too, tiny jolts which speak of a very satisfying climax. Lion isn’t there yet, however, not fully, teetering on the edge, carefully controlling himself so he can take all of Doc in and -

“Finish inside, Olivier”, Doc demands, voice shaky, and he’s gone.

His abs tense with a delicious kind of pain at the first wave of blissful release washing through him. He buries himself deep inside his lover and moans in disbelief over how abruptly pleasure explodes behind his eyelids and nearly folds in half at the intensity, gasping for air as his cock twitches and probably adding a few bruises to the existing ones. Momentary blindness allows him to be wholly aware of Doc moving against him to milk him for every drop, of overwhelming relief encompassing his entire being as he orgasms, surrounded by scorching heat and momentarily losing all sense of reality.

Coming down is a slow, gradual affair, both of them slumping a little and Lion bending so he can rest his forehead on Doc’s shoulder blade as they both catch their breath, bask in the afterglow and enjoy the feel of shared body heat, companionship and sweet exhaustion. Lion peppers his boyfriend’s shoulder with kisses once he can see straight again, withdraws tentatively and sits up to examine the masterpiece he just fucked into existence in all its glory: shiny skin, reddened cheeks, a gaping hole, dark marks and lovebites, and, after a few seconds, a thin stream of white leaking out.

Lion is definitely unable to get hard immediately after a climax this exquisite but his dick gives a feeble jump at the sight nonetheless. He reaches out and catches the droplets with a fingertip, pushes them back to where they came from, pushes them back inside and earns a quiet moan. Adding another digit, he tries to finger the semen as deep as he can and only pauses when Doc kicks him lightly.

“I’m sore enough as it is”, he complains and rolls to the side when Lion withdraws mournfully, yet there’s a bright smile adorning his face when their eyes meet.

With weak knees, Lion stalks back and forth to get them cleaned up (and is actually amazed Doc doesn’t mention the scratches he himself inflicted) but insists on doing one thing by himself: once he’s taken his rightful place by Doc’s side, entangled their legs and exchanged a few loving kisses, he catches Doc’s wrist to lift it to his face and starts to lick his palm clean.

“You’re like a dog”, his lover murmurs fondly and readily spreads his fingers to allow for better access. “They should’ve called you Husky, not Lion – they’re just as noisy and stubborn.”

Lion shoots him a good-natured grin. “Then you should be called Bunny. What was that about self-control?”

“Oh please, you’re the eternally horny one, mon amour.”

“And yet you never say no.” Their lips meet once more in a long, thorough kiss, with Doc climbing on top of Lion halfway through, ending up straddling him and stroking his face affectionately until Lion mouths at his palm while keeping eye contact.

“You really love my hands”, Doc points out quietly.

It’s true, he does – he loves how steady they are on the job, never making a mistake, never causing harm; loves how they’re calloused and scarred, lots of specks and lines lighter in colour telling tales of hard work; loves how they worship him, how gently they treat him, how warm they are when they touch him.

“I also really love you”, Lion says instead of the million other things he could say instead which would amount to the same thing. He’s learnt his lesson about being honest with himself and others and can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed when his admissions make Doc’s face light up like a Christmas tree. “And your hands do good. They’re your most important tools and I’m thankful every time I feel them.” There’s so much more for which he’s grateful that making a list would take him several days, so he tries to convey all which he’s not divulging explicitly with a heartfelt: “Thank you, Gustave.”

Doc’s features soften and he accepts the notion with one last kiss before getting up. “I’m going to brew us some coffee”, he announces, yet pauses by the bedroom door to catch Lion’s gaze and add, softly: “I love you too, Olivier.”

And while Lion remains in bed for a minute longer, stretched out and encased in soothing warmth coming from within, a distracted smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and most of his body tingling pleasantly, he thinks back to his life no more than a year ago. How unthinkable it was that waking up would become his favourite part of the day. But sometimes, the unthinkable happens all the same.

#rainbow six siege #doc #lion #doc/lion #fanfic #commissions #thank you!! #I couldn't even fit everything in #well at least doc could #HA

[mokocchii]

The Kyman Fanfic Ultimate Guide (or in other words, how to be a kyman hoe)

So lurking in Kyman fandom for awhile people would ask, what do you recommend reading? Well, after much searching I conjured up a list in what I believe to be the best Kyman fics. As well since this is Kyman week might as well fellow fans read some good shit during this fabulously gay week.

Remember folks, my list is incredibly biased HOWEVER from reading countless kyman fanfics and engaging with fellow kyman fans, this is solely based on what I consider to be strong kyman fics in terms of story structure, writing style, characterization, and overall enjoyment.

RATING: E

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we don't sleep when the sun goes down

by izzybusiness

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9450338

“Okay, will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” Cartman finally yells, clearly at the end of his tether. “So, what, everyone here got struck by lightning and now you’ve got superpowers like some kind of all-gay Justice League?” Misfits AU.

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Unwell

By cigarettestainedeyes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12319431

Kyle's being introduced to a whole new side of himself, the panicked side, the scared side, and he doesn't much care for it. Support comes from the last place he expected.

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The Rules

By Creatortan

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13389867

South Park has many rules. 

1) don’t try to get involved with Kyle Broflovski. You will face the wrath of Eric Cartman. Plus Kyle just isn’t interested, even if he pretends to be.

2) don’t try to get involved with Eric Cartman. You will face the wrath of Kyle Broflovski. And Eric isn’t interested and doesn’t try to hide that. 

3) don’t try to get in between Cartman and Kyle. It never ends well. Just let them get it out of their systems.

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RATING: T

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Cant we just try?

By shortstackedchessecake96

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5187086

If Eric had his stubborn way, he'd deny his feelings forever. But Kyle's not going to let that happen.

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Higher, Higher

By Sweeticing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518693/chapters/31008642

Bebe tries to use a love potion on Kyle, but the plan goes wrong when the potion makes him fall for Cartman instead. Good thing Cartman hasn't been pining for Kyle for eight years or anything crazy like that.

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Cartman Gets bored

By sorrowfulJoy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13062774

Cartman gets bored at 11pm and tries to get his friends to come and spend time with him, texting fic

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Secondhand

By SnyapticFirefly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7751491

Cartman does what he does best: peer pressuring impressionable Jews the only way he knows how.

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Keep Your Enemy Closer

By guineabees

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123163

A story about what happens when a superhero and their rival have been living under the same roof without realising it.

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I Won’t Fall For You

By shortstackedchesscake

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13247808

Just when Kyle thought turning up alone to a wedding - that was starting to feel like a college reunion - couldn't get any worse, it turns out Eric Cartman is invited too. But Eric may just be his saving grace, and Kyle decides to run with his inevitably crazy plan even if he thinks he knows better. But Kyle is a lot smarter than his college friends, he won't fall for Eric that easily... will he?

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the coriolis effect

by briwookie

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544261

"There's nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex." Kenny would say, but Eric Cartman had always thought otherwise.

It just surprises him that it takes Kyle Broflovski getting drunk at a bar with another man to prove him wrong

 .

Sunday best and broken glass

By cherryvanilla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2296934

Cartman doesn’t do nervous. He’s done plenty of fucking public speaking, public singing, public anything but tonight – tonight, he’s nervous. Maybe it’s because this stupidly means more than any of those other times, even though he wishes to fuck he could deny that. Because he actually cares this time. It isn’t based around some manipulation. Maybe it’s because Stan’s up there right now singing and playing electric guitar to Sweet Child O’ Mine like a lame-o, but he’s actually fucking good and all Cartman’s got is a dumb emo love song and an acoustic and a future bill for rejection.

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Between love and hate

By izzubusiness

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8239649

“Fuck you, whore!” Cartman yells, getting to his feet and stomping over to the other end of the room. “What the fuck are you even doing in my house?” 

“What were you doing with Kyle’s tongue in your mouth?” Wendy counters back, and if Stan’s head wasn’t about to explode under the weight of everything going on, he thinks he might have high fived her for that wicked burn.

 .

I said I wouldn't by I did

By captaindude

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2754203

In which Cartman is whipped and he doesnt even know it. but mostly sex though.

 . 

Redéfinition de l'individu

By Kymanlvr

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6481633/1/Redéfinition-de-l-individu

Kyle Broflovski is tired of his dull, unchanging life. But after he returns from being away from South Park for the summer, things start to spiral out of control, and everything falls apart. Mainly Kyman. Strong language and references to sex.

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Don’t Touch Me

By Soul Flash

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5231878/1/Don-t-Touch-Me

When your life hits an all time low, things can't possibly get any worse, right? Not for Kyle Broflovski. Slash, Kyle/Cartman.

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Respect My Authority

by Soul Flash

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5687376/1/Respect-My-Authority

There's only one thing you can do when a Jew tries to mess with your mind: play some mind games yourself. After all, all's fair in love and war. Kyman, slash. Cartman's POV. Companion fic to Don't Touch Me.

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Boundaries

By cutie pie 9335

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6547130/1/Boundaries

Cartman finally crosses the line that Kyle had so carefully drawn. Kyman, amongst other pairings.

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Afflictions and Affections

By PartiPooper

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10588091/1/Afflictions-and-Affections

When Kyle is sick, as per usual, Cartman pays him a visit. He even so much as looks after him, in his own bitter-sweet way. (Fluffy Kyman One-Shot; Rated T for profanities.)

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The Sorry Struggle

By Partipooper

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11152548/1/The-Sorry-Struggle

When Cartman does something bad to Kyle, he tries to say sorry - "tries" being the keyword. AKA, How Not To Say Sorry To Your Boyfriend. (Slightly Silly Kyman One-Shot; Rated T for profanities, slightly sexual scenes, and the follies and flatulence of youth.

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if I didn't believe in you, we’d never have gotten this far

by orphan_account

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11282883

Kyle and Eric are both getting tired of the 'no strings attached' asterisk attached to their relationship.

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The Stag Prince

By Synaptic Firefly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4979806/chapters/11437663

A Swan Princess parody. Grand Wizard Prince Eric and High Elf Prince Kyle are roped into an arranged marriage. Honestly, who thought this was a good idea to start with? Eventual Kyman, slight Stenny, and poor Butters is a paladin.

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RATING : M 

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Restraints

By Soul Flash

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867328/1/Restraints

“Goddammit, Jew...” Cartman breathed as he furiously began to work on Kyle's belt buckle, “Why'd you have to wear a goddamn belt today...?” Kyman. Graphic lemon. Contains whipping, rimming, frottage, dirty talk, masochism, and more.

 .

How Long Till You Surrender?

By wettmark

https://archiveofourown.org/works/453686

Stan is self destructing, Craig Tucker might be gay, Butters can't handle Cartman's wiener, and Kyle just wants to get out of South Park without losing his mind, his best friend, or his virginity.

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A Series of Left Turns

By ScribbleSibly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4088479/chapters/9208600

Kyle, now 17 and preparing to be a responsible adult, is drowning in the stress of his mundane life. Until Cartman gets an idea. Kyle POV. Heavy swearing and smut later on.

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Perfectionist

By shortstackedcheescake96

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6452782

Kyle appreciates Eric's praise perhaps more than he really should. It is rare, after all. (All characters are 18+)

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Backseat Confession

By psychelelicgoolash

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1907814

It was moments like these he wondered why he let that Jewish son of a bitch ensnare him like he did. How Kyle could just wrap him around his finger as he rolled onto his back, allowing Cartman full access to his unfastened jeans. Aged Up. Kyman. Smut.

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Comfort

By NocturnalLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5361029

Unable to sleep due to 'unfortunate circumstances', Kyle finds solace in the form of Cartman - but as is inevitable with these boys it's not as simple as a mere sleepover, and Kyle gets more than he'd bargained for. This fanfic is based on the events of the incredible blog 'Ask The Main Four' on Tumblr, and is totally canonical to the universe. NSFW Kyman smut, first time and delicious grinding warning.

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Games

By NocturnallLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4932157

The card game was enjoyable at first, but it very soon became clear Cartman had much bigger ambitions for is 'alone time' with Kyle - despite his parents sleeping in the room down the corridor. Unable to resist, Kyle tries to contain himself and stay quiet... but it's much easier said than done, especially when the sex is THIS good.

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Mission Accomplished

by NocturnalLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3144293

Concerned about the imminent yearbook photographs, Kyle is intent on staying clean of hickeys - much to Cartman's displeasure. But Eric has never been one to back down from a challenge, and if he can help it the feisty auburn wont stay reluctant for long. Yummy smut with hints of fluff at the end. Kyman One-shot.

 .

more than words can say

by NocturnalLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794164

After an innocent slip of the tongue, Kyle can't help but wonder if he'd put their relationship in jeopardy. After a summer of strange behavior and evasiveness from Cartman, Kyle wants answers... but the truth is something he never had expected.

One word to describe myself

By confunded

https://archiveofourown.org/works/604033

"Because he was mine, and in a way he always had been. He just didn’t know it. Yet." Your standard love/hate oneshot featuring our favorite frenemies. Established sort-of-relationship, Cartman wants more and Kyle is a tease. Fighting ensues. Super smutty, but maybe there's more to it than just some porn. Maybe.

 .

Denial

By SchwiftyJerry666

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13728942

At parties, when everyone's usually too high or drunk to notice or care, two enemies find that the line between love and hate is a very thin one indeed.

 .

Express Love

By BookishTea

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8799361/chapters/20173393

Kyle misses his husband after a long and boring business trip.

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Baby, Now you do

By charmzz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379967/chapters/30644319

Five years ago, Eric Cartman was hunched over him, with a fat hand on Kyle’s throat and the tip of a knife pointed between his eyes.

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might last a day (minus forever)

by cherryvanilla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/420889

At twenty-five, Kyle Broflovski thought he had his life all planned out. He was living in Denver with Stan with a nice apartment and a decent job. Suddenly, his world is turned upside down when Stan breaks up with him and he loses his job all in the span of a few months. Now Kyle is back in South Park, living with his parents, and trying to figure out where he goes from here. Enter Eric Cartman, who always got under Kyle’s skin as a kid, and who was now about to do so again, in more ways than one. (A story about reevaluating yourself and your life. Or, How Kyle Broflovski Got His Groove Back.)

 . 

Go on, take everything (I want you to)

By cherryvanilla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5070895

In retrospect, Kyle should’ve seen it coming. In retrospect, he really didn’t. Sequel to might last a day (minus forever).

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Fake it so real

By cherryvanilla

http://archiveofourown.org/works/266865

In which there is a party and seven minutes in heaven.

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 I am beyond fake

By cherryvanilla

http://archiveofourown.org/works/503667

It’s been exactly 24 hours since Kyle was in seven minutes in heaven with Cartman and he hasn’t thought of anything else but the feel of his lips and the press of his body. Sequel to Fake it So Real.

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Disintegration (is the best album)

By dont_take_me_im_seriously

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13325070/chapters/30499041

Kyle's Sunday morning began with an appalling marriage proposal and only got stupider from there. Now he's on the run from the government, stranded in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and contending with the idea that Eric Cartman might just have a heart to break after all.

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Tough Luck & Tough Love

By kylebiased

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807146/chapters/31746348

Cartman bets he can break his previous bike-jumping record. Kyle bets he cannot. Cartman bets that if he can make said jump, Kyle will have to own-up to his end of their old fourth grade bet, and give him head. Kyle accepts this bet, since he obviously, cannot lose.

Cartman wins and now Kyle, is totally, screwed.

...Only thing Cartman never betted on, however? Finally realizing he's got actual feelings for Kyle.

Now, they're both screwed.

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Put out the fire on us

By I_Already_Forgot

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262815/chapters/16490188

 .

Cartman cheats at a bet he'd made with Kyle and when the other refuses to pay him Cartman decides to get creative. Kyle knows not to let Cartman goad him into anything, but in the end his ego wins out and through a series of poor decision making they find themselves stranded in the woods all night, handcuffed together, bruised and battered. They have to work together in order to make it through and the near-death experience forces them to talk in ways they haven't before. The ordeal sheds new light on their friendship, and Kyle wonders if things will ever be able to go back to the way they used to be, or if he even really wants them to.

.

Hate

By Kymanlvr

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5953936/1/Hate

There are people in this world that would, upon first glance, have looked at them and called them enemies. A story about Kyle and Cartman, and how a series of events bring them closer together. Kyman.

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Hiring Hope

By Partipooper

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10659998/1/Hiring-Hope

Cartman has a job interview to attend, and Kyle has worrying about him to do. (Fluffy & Smutty Kyman One-Shot; Rated M for profanities and sexual scenes.)

 .

Time Bomb

by sweeticing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13009413

Cartman got therapy, Kyle has a hard-on, and New Year’s Eve remains a cause for celebratory champagne even if you’re locked in a bathroom with your worst enemy.

 .

In my office, now

by mokocchii (yes i wrote a fic too)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14469690 

Working for Mr. Cartman hasn't been easy. (Or has it?)

.

.

HONORABLE MENTION (If already a kyman fan you’ll get the joke)

Kyle in Chains

By DanniDinmont

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4676235/1/Kyle-in-Chains

Kyle has a problem, and it seems that there's only one solution to it. Slash, Kyle/Cartman.

.

.

.

I also wanna give a shoutout to these kyman authors, cherryvanilla, shortstackedchessecake96, partipooper, ScribbleSibyl, synapticfirefly, and NocturnalLament for their surplus of quality quantity fics. They’ve written more than what I mentioned on this list, so I highly recommend to read ALL their work regarding Kyman. I suggest to check both their AO3 and FF.net accounts for the full archives of their work. 

Happy Kyman Week everyone! 

#kyman #sp kyman #kyman week #south park kyman #kyle broflovski #eric cartman #kyman fanfiction #sp fanfiction

[dimpled-gummy-smiles]

ok, so i finally got around to the delinquent/student council au.

so imagine this.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

if wwx was a student council president;

- he probably run for president as a joke, not knowing he would win. and then he’ll laugh about it. “this presidency thing is not a joke.” “what are the chances I would win?” 

- almost everyone retreats the council election the moment they heard wwx was running. and then he gets a bit lost because he won and he doesn’t know what to do. he didn’t expect himself to win. “its a joke.” yeah. a joke gone wrong.

- wwx ask jc to be the vice pres because at least he knows what to do and i live for yunmeng jiang duo moments. wen ning becomes the secretary. he is as lost as wwx. but since he decides to be wwx’s right-hand man, he tries to do his job properly. and he’s scared of jc if he doesn’t do things correctly. lsz becomes the treasurer because wwx trust him to take care of the finances.

- jc will be the one that takes care of the administrative stuffs with the school and wwx would be taking care of the students. wwx is great with students and are friends with almost everyone.

- the teachers are surprised that the school hasnt collapse with wwx as president.

- (i can’t seem to fit lwj as a delinquent type) he’s the kind of student that just ignores the whole world. its between school, home and probably a part-time job as a librarian (because he doesn’t really need to communicate with people except scanning books).

- lwj always waits for lsz to end his council meeting before going back together. wwx always sees lwj sitting in a library, studying. and then promptly packing up his bag when lsz reaches. and lsz and lwj will have dinner together. lwj always waits for lsz to have dinner.

- sometimes wwx would invite lwj over for their “council meeting break” because they would sometimes end late and this means lwj would have a late dinner. and wwx doesnt let anybody starve. so they’ll have dinner (usually yl would cook pork rib lotus soup or maybe wq some herbal soup because they’ve been working late these days and shes worried for her younger brother).

- so they’ll have dinner outside the council room resting area and chat something more leisure. lwj knows more about wwx.

- wwx tells lwj to just rest here for a while more while they finish up their meeting. so lwj just studies as he waits for lsz to end the meeting.

- wwx always invites lwj to “council events” even though jc objects to it but wwx doesnt care because lwj is part family.

- lsz went out with his friends today leaving lwj alone. lwj decides to go home when he notices the auditorium lights on. did someone forget to turn off the lights?

- he walks past the room to see wwx hanging banners for the upcoming school festival. he sees wen ning hanging streamers at the other end of the room. it looked like it was too much for a two men job.

- lwj decides to help them instead. wwx thanks him.

- “lanzhan, can you hand me that white balloon?” wwx falls from the ladder because he couldn’t reach. lwj to the rescue as he catches the falling wwx. “haha thanks lanzhan.”

- wwx was about to climb up the ladder again but lwj stops him. lwj takes the decoration from wwx hands and climbs up the ladder.

- lwj doesn’t allow wwx to climb ladders throughout the day. wen ning finds it cute.

- wen ning walks their direction home, leaving lwj and wwx together. the both of them walk home together.

- wwx hears lwj’s stomach grumble and realised lwj probably hasnt had dinner. so wwx walks the other way (away from his house) and brings lwj to eat. “its cheap and good.”

- wwx orders assorted dishes. he likes spicy food but he isn’t sure about lwj. lwj is thankful that there was something he could eat. although he wouldnt say it.

- wwx walks home with lwj. lwj finds out wwx is afraid of dogs. because cue nervous laughter and faster pace walking everytime a dog barks. “i live here.” “mhm” “have a safe walk home” “mhm” “bye lanzhan” “mhm” “see you in school tomorrow.” “mhm.”

- it becomes a routine for lwj to wait for wwx as well. (a) to protect wwx from dogs (b) because he likes spending time with wwx.

- (cue awkward confession some time later)

- nothing much has changed. except now wwx sometimes wait for lwj to end his library work shift, so he waits for him at a corner. usually he falls asleep. but hes usually within eye view of his lwj. they’ll have lunch together before lwj needs to go back to work again. and wwx goes back to his seat and continues his work. doodling rated r things maybe? 

if lwj was a student council president;

- he’s probably a legacy student kind of thing. like lxc was probably a council president before. lwj was the vice pres and when lxc graduated, lwj steps up as the president.

- school probably feels more at ease when lan family runs for presidency. like lwj hears things like “your uncle is an alumni” “your family are part of the alumnus.” and so lwj continues his family legacy. lsz is the next in line as the vice president as he follows lwj’s footsteps.

- ljy is the secretary and the whole school board is at ease because it’s basically ran by the lans and they are happy. the school board trusts him a lot with the school affairs.

- lwj would be with the school disciplinary master every morning at the school gates, catching students who are late and have messy attire. and every morning, wwx would be one of these students.

- wwx is the smart delinquent student who comes to school with uncombed hair, his school shirt has creases or some times unbuttoned. and every morning he would smile at him and shout “morning lanzhan!”

- wwx would sit at the back of the class, and not listen to the teacher. he would some times stare out of the window or daydream, some times he would just fall asleep in class. the teachers are just thankful he doesn’t cause a ruckus.

- wwx is a smart student that always aces his exams. even the teacher questions how the hell he does it. teachers suspects he cheats because there was no way he could score this well despite not even listening to the teachers.

- “he didn’t cheat.” “i know wwx. wwx would do anything but cheat.” because even though wwx has a bad rep with the teachers, he has a good rep with the students. because he usually gets in trouble by helping student out a lot.

- but the teachers still doesnt believe them. “one more word and whoever defends wwx has to redo the exam.” wwx smiles and tells them not to worry about him so the students all kept quiet. so the teachers makes wwx redo the exam in front of them, alone in a separate room. lwj to stand in and invigilate as well. because two pairs of eyes were better than one.

- wwx complains it was more difficult than the one he took earlier but he still scores well in the exams. the teachers eyes widened as he marks the paper right in front of wwx. it was nearly full marks. except for some horrible handwriting and scribbles which was difficult to decipher what he was writing.

- lwj notices wwx’s maths scores are always higher than the rest of the subjects. he decides to approach him to be the student council treasurer to look after the finances. and also he needed someone that was good with the students as well. ljy and lsz could do the junior section of the school. but lwj isn’t good with the seniors.

- “what do i get?” wwx asked. it was a joke. he would say yes in the end. he couldn’t refuse because (a) it was lan zhan (b) he’s goodlooking. damn the lans and their gene pool.

- wwx becomes the school’s treasurer, and in charge of the finances. but it wasn’t like he was needed anyway because the lans always thought of the best solution using the least finances.

- but lwj tells him that he needed somebody that was good with the students as well and wwx was the best person he thought of.

- the school first objected to wwx being on the school council. but lwj told them that what better idea to look after wwx?

- lwj finally understands why wwx was always running late for classes every morning. (insert cliche reasons why smart student is late for class every morning). so lwj always sends signals to wwx when he sees him entering the school gates. button your shirt properly. your hair is in a mess. your school tie. run, wwx youre still safe if you pass the gates within the next 30 seconds.

- lsz feels that it is more bright with wwx during the meetings. it was always so uptight.

- council member after-parties are usually held in the lan residences. wwx asking lwj if he had tried alcohol. so he pours a glass to lwj and have him taste alcohol for the first time.

- (cue drunk lwj) lsz and lly sees a drunk lwj for the first time. because their party dont have alcohol and this is the first time. “mine” lwj claims, hugging wwx. “mine no touchy.” lwj drunk glares his juniors. lxc is amused with his drunk brother. because he knows his brother. wwx is just comforting a very drunk lwj and hopes he doesn’t remember what happened the next morning. lqr doesnt interfere for the night because hes too old for this. and also he doesnt like interacting with wwx.

- “you have a really weak alcohol tolerance, lan zhan.” wwx mumbles as he looks as the clingy lwj for the first time. lwj only drank a glass and he’s down. wwx looks at the two lan juniors and tell them to not mentioned what happened.

- (cue graduation party and the student council members hold another party at the lan residences) lxc tells his brother that he better confess now if not you’re probably never going to see that cute ass again. lwj looks at his brother and lxc just shrugs his shoulders. siblings knows best.

- so cue awkward one to one confession. lwj confessing to wwx. thanking him for coming into his life and so on.

- lwj decides to go to a university or whatever place wwx is going to, no matter his results. wwx doesnt allow his boyfriend to do so. lwj follows his brother and studies masters in a prestigious school while working.

- wwx is thankful that his result is good enough. he surprises lwj by applying to the same school lwj was at, and getting in.

- (cue happy ending music for wangxian)

#wwx #lwj #wangxian #wifi #fod #modc #master of demonic cultivation fic #the founder of diabolism #wei wuxian #lan wangji #lanzhan #modern au #au

[dontbeallupinmyfriesdawg]

Fake Kalijah dating to ditch her exs...go ;)

“Pick out a suit, I need someone to go with to this and you’re it handsome,” 

Elijah looked up weerily from the document on his desk he was hunched over. Katherine stood hovering over him, a trademark look of impatience plastered on her face; clasped tightly between her manicured fingernails she held a small embroidered card with her name on it. Elijah put down his pen and glanced over at the time in the corner of his laptop screen.

“And good morning to you Katerina,” he murmered, both amusement and exhaustion evident in his tone.

Katherine rolled her eyes and thrust the piece of paper towards him. He took it reluctantly

“You are cordially invited to a special benefit gala hosted by the soon to be Mr & Mrs Lockwood. Black tie, non optional. We look forward to having you in attendance. Please give generously,” Elijah read out.

“Can you belive how obnoxius that is. What kind of sadistic bastard does something like this?” Katherine hissed under her breath, making herself confortable on one of the near by chairs.

“Am I right in assuming were discussing Mason Lockwood, your recent paramour and not the junior executive that collected my coffee order this morning,” Elijah queeried, turning his attention back to his paperwork; having already aticipated the answer before he got it.

“Yes, Mason. My ex fiance Mason? Cheif executive douchebag; that one.”

“And he has personally... invited you to this.. event?”

“It says my name right there in big fancy letters Elijah,” Katherine said irritably, getting up and pacing around the room.

Elijah exhaled longsufferingly, and put down his pen for the second time. 

“Katherine. I wish I had the time to go around in circles with you but I simply do not. Why don’t you explain the purpose of this visit so we can both get back to our respective responsibilities,”

Katherine turned and pouted at him.

“You make it sound as I’m bothering you,”

“Well if I said as much you’d be rather upset with me,”

Katherine’s face contorted into a scowl and Elijah had to stifle the urge to laugh. In truth Katherine was a welcome distraction from the pile of working mounting on his desk. In fact, Katherine was a welcome distraction period. His incovinient fixation with her hand’t dwindled since her and her nine inch louboutins had strutted through the front doors of the company five years ago. In his head Elijah knew having something so juvenille as a crush on a fellow coworker was unproffensional as well as foolhardy - after all the chances that he was anywhere near Katherine’s type was laughable - but his heart, however, acted of it’s own accord and refused to adere to his brain’s sensible instruction.

Hence why Katherine had spent the last 5 years barging into to his office demanding favours of every vairety and he hadn’t had the cajones yet, to turn her down and why he was most likely going to agree to whatever unreasonable favour Katherine demanded of him this time around.

“It’s simple,” Katherine huffed. “This eveing-,” She picked the card off of the desk as she spoke. “-is going to be a shit show. I’m going to have to watch my ex. Parading a around with some slut supermodel named Nadia, showing off a ring that should beon my hand; wearing an expensive dress Mason should have bought for me; fake smiling at people that I’m supposed to be pretending to care about. Why would Mason do this to me?!”

“Prehaps he’s extending an olive branch of sorts,” Elijah suggested, reclining backward in his chair. Inwardly very displeased that he was spending his morning discussing Katherine’s ex fiance. His least favourite topic, being that he was a man who had been the main source of his misery for the three short months they were engaged. 

After Mason had ended thing with Katherine in a very messy, very public way, Elijah had very privately rejoiced and Katherine, in retaliation had maxed out Mason’s black card before he’d had the chance to cancel it or demand it back, in order to ‘heal’ after the break up as well as keying his car and manipulating her way into a better position at the company so he couldn’t fire her even if he wanted to; Elijah had believed that would be the last he’d hear of the entire debacle.

Apparently not.

“He can take his Olive branch and shove it up his ass!” Katherine seethed. “This is gloating, this is him flashing his bimbo trophy girlfriend in my face,”

“So decline the invitation,” Elijah sighed looking down at his watch and ajusting it on his wrist.

Katherine stared at him as if he’d just proposed they attempt on assasination on the Pope.

“Have you not been listening to a word I’ve said?”

“I have but feigning intrest is a little above my skillset,”

Katherine narrowed her eyes giving them an even more catlike appearence, as she drew nearer to the desk.

“If I don’t go, then I’m the bitter and jealous ex. If I go alone I’m the pathetic spinster. It’s trap.” she griped.

“You arent trying to convince me that the Katherine Pierce, is unable to find herself a suitable date in order to conduct this pissing contest, for lack of a better word, with Mason at this charity event,” Elijah asked.

Katherine gave him a wry smile.

“Well obviously not. But I need someone of your refined pedigree and excellent taste in suits on my arm when I turn up to Mason’s sad little event looking like the most expensive thing in the room,”

Reminding Katherine that she wasn’t an object was on the tip of Elijahs tongue but he restrained himself and instead said.

“So want me to allow you to parade me around. in order to antagonize a man who is in all technicality my boss. All out of some persuit for petty revenge?”

“Bigger picture Elijah,” Katherine insisted. He winced as she uncerimoniously launched herself onto his desk, disregaurding any papers or stationary in her wake.

“You’re up for a premotion right?”

Elijah’s brows knitted skeptically.

“How-”

“-I have my rescources,” Katherine brushed him off.

“The point I’m making here is if Mason’s throwing a party, chances are the other company execs and higher ups are gonna be on the guest list too. You’re smart Elijah but you lack one thing that Mason doesnt.”

Elijah schooled his face so it wouldn’t be visibily evident what a dig to his ego that statement was and arched a eyebrow.

“I’m sure you’re about to tell me what that it is.” He replied disinterestedly.

“Ambition,” Katherine said bluntly.

“I have a first class buissness degree from Harvard,” Elijah protested.

Katherine scoffed.

“Yeah you and half of America.”

Elijah let out a slightly disgruntled noise, unable to hide his displeasure at Katherine’s comments and shifted unconfortably.

“You play it safe. You rely on your private education and ettiquete book to take you where you want. But people like Mason, they’re sharks; they have no shame about hosting an extravagant event in order to kiss ass or hook line and sinker a client. Whether it’s at a charity event or a strip club,”

Elijah let out a slightly strangled noise.

“See that’s what I’m talking about. I bet those squeaky clean italian shoes probably havent even step foot near a ‘gentleman’s club’ before,” she smirked.

“Believe you me men who frequent those sorts of establishments are anything but gentlemen.” 

“Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty to win.” Katherine countered. “Why do you think you’re not on the guest list hmm? Mason knows you’re up for that job. He’s probably going to let his snot nosed nephew surpass you and land him the job instead and then you’ll be taking his coffee orders. Is that what you want?”

Elijah scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed.

“Katerina as usual your flair for being overly melodramatic has interfered with your sense of reason,”

Katherine face soured. She rose from her seat and looked at Elijah squarely. 

“Just consider it.” she said quietly. “I’m presenting you with an oppurtunity. I’m giving you an in. Not to mention the chance to have moi on the tender crook of your arm-”

Elijah stifled an undignified snort.

“-And if that isn’t enough to sway you, I heard that associate from legal you were cozy with might be there,”

Elijah blinked in suprise. He hadn’t realised Katherine was aware of his relationship with Gia. The notion unsettled him even though he knew it shouldn’t.

“Think it over,” Katherine threw over her shoulder as she slipped out of the room. Her brown curls bouncing behind her.

#kalijah #katherine x elijah #kalijah fanfiction #kalijah shippers club #katherine and elijah #katerina x elijah #katerina and elijah #fanfiction #kalijah drabbles #kalijah drabble #tvd #the vampire diaries #katherine pierce #elijah mikaelson #Anonymous

[charliepritchardart-blog]

Timothy Morton, Erik Davis and the SGC meeting

Uncanny Objects 36:50- ridding the concept of nature not about coral, the twisted and weird, what got us into modernity is the divide of nature non human beings are in social space, in your handkerchief, bacteria, etc.. this means social space was never completely human, no real difference between where i live and the other beings live, the word nature, nature is only really a concept of good and bad, but everything is nature so what is good and bad, nature is inhbiting the 'intimacy' with the non human, ED 'in hyperobjects- when we lose the world and we are left with intimacy, humans craft their little bubbles of their world, only thinking about the narrative flow of the bubble, but suddenly when inhuman emptiness and non-human encounters and events and hyperobjects occur, then the zizekian example of the toilet occurs, you flush your waste then poof its gone, but its actualy still a part of the world, the outside of my world, the outside doesnt really exist, then realising that this applies in some sense to the self, this can be scary and overwhelming, but also has the buddhist tint of being intimate with object, terrify to white western guys that its horrifying for a few secounds then get old, the UNCANNY freud talks about coming out of your mums vag, your horrified for a few sexist secounds, but when you relax about it you notice this is the way things are, you notic, it becomes different, a nighmare becomes, funny silly, then your being impinged and oppressed, but then you relax into it, waht is happening is some basic connection between me these 'outside objects' non human beinngs that are ungraspable (talked about erlier).  INTRINSICALLY UNGRASPABLE. so there is an intrinsic sadness that melts into lower stimulation depression space, pressed down accepted melancholy, there is a connection that is intrinsically ungraspable- horror melancholy rediculous melancolia sadness equvalent to the experience of beauty, the sadness is feuled by a longing to reach out and grasp i want to reach out and grasp i want to hold, its the buddhist secound noble truth,

The truth of suffering (Dukkha)

The truth of the origin of suffering (Samudāya)

The truth of the cessation of suffering (Nirodha)

The truth of the path to the cessation of suffering (Magga)

VISUAL PARRALELLS OF PROTIENS AND PARTY POPPERS

we live in the realm you cant delete it but you can have different positions on it, maybe i can hold o really tight, but maybe i can let things come and go, to have a more intimate relationship with them, one of the things that you can loosen your grip on is the MIND, never be completely graspable, what happens when you meditate, you realise it disappears, it  is not somehting that you can completely grasp, so when you meditate you come to realise that there is not nothing, there is somthing, but its not you grandaddy somthing, its what in some text they cal buddha nature, this kind of etherial, energy flow, that is not exactly me, there is somthing sad and spooky about it, but inside the sad and spooky is an uncontitional joy// layers of guilt-shame horror melancolia sadness, longing joy, instead of trying to delete these stages you let them happen but then you go inside then and explore the encrypted frozen wisdom, inside the consufion, inside the confusion

the strong image in this work is the 'charnal ground' to not flee from the lonliness the paranoid dispair, looking at our current condition as a greif space, in the current (ecological) situation spinning out of control, but the charnal ground look this up, its a space where you can't separate being alibve and not alive, there are these spectars and spirits, and gohsts, a place where the difference between a corpse and something that is alive as chemicals or something that is biological, kind of breaks down, 

BUT what this space actually is is modern science biology is fundamentally saying that life forms are made of non-life, but you cant draw this thin rigid distinction between them its exactly what happens in charnal ground awareness you are ready to confront a thick reigon like population with all kinds of weird anomalous undead creatures, and thats how to think of ANIMISM, its not this firm distinction between life and death, its accepting that things have this wierd uncanny slightly PARANOIA INDUCING, but also funny and silly category of confusion of kind of crossing of boundaries there is life and there is death you do die and things do live but nevertheless we cant really distinguish, its exactly the same, because of the fact, that we cannot distinguish the difference between appearing and being, [substantiate this erlier],  but in fact there is a difference between appearing and being at the same time, so we encounter these weird contradictory uncanny beings much more what like first peoples actual experience was like, a sort of ontological paranoia, and we have been trying to get rid of that paranoia, but maybe there is somthing interesting and true in that paranoia, people who are diagnosed like my brother with schizophrenia, in this culture, they have been demonised and pathologised, but in another kind of culture, they are seen as a kind of shamen because they can bridge worlds, so maybe they need to have some kind of training, so all the ideaas that in order to see anything at all, you have to be hallucinating really, which is neurophysiologically correct, there is so much more data to beaming into you phalimus, from INSIDE your brain, to what is coming from outside of your brain and if it didnt come from inside your brain, like when you are in a darkened room and you see stuff, like a prisoner in solitary confinement, if that was not happening then you could, see stuff and i would argue that you couldnt think, thinking is basically like a hallucination, that you believe in, then we have to get into the possiblility of human/plan co evoloution, and the fact that thoughts themselves might be the product of interaction between humans and psychedelic plants, this goes back quite some way, but what happenes when you have a thought at all is like some version of a plant that is happening in your mind, the thought is not your thought its more like a flower opening, your way of seeing that 

ED- Animism is coming back, the latest twist that RESONATES [THE ACT OF ALIGNING} things that have been eclipsed, resonance does not mean we are going back to animism, this is not a return there are all sorts of resonances that stretch beyond the modern, budhism is a beutiful way of lining up the resonances in an insightful way

A KIND OF FUNCTION FOR SPECULATIVE IMAGINATION

what is your meditative practice today, TM- formally studing, NINDRO, tibettian, im a student of zogchan a form of esoteric tibettian buddhism, doing a lot of visualisations of enlightened beings like an allergy medicine, allowing to tolerate the vivid- withdrawn yet vivid quality of your very own mind, which we do tend to delete, relaxing with the idea that since we left the paleolithic, experience doesnt have you, meditation is about letting experience happen freely, then what you realise is that experience is suffused with its own kind of stability and energy

SGC NOTES

interior architechture

formed plansthinking about ideas and cultural impact

ellie williams, 

meetings every thursday

interior architechture projects, 

teams- exhibition production teams not thematic

map advertising catalogue, publication WRITING?, links essays could essays be published as part of the catalogue?

GROUPS 36 people

publicity writing and viuals

1.writing team, catalogue, venue press release

2.visual team, visual appearance of posters layout, 

3.publicity, sending stuff to press audience

Open saturays, so the publoic can see the work, this is communicated through the punlic

opening night can be an event, with performances etc, so the opening has to be a real event,

4. team can be production, in charge of the private view, wall building, materials 

other roles, project managing,

Budgeting

travel budget from the SGC, 

fine art can provide transport to get work there (VAN) fuel, volkwagen caddy

poster hooks

the course will find the publicity 

installing

auctioning work? bids on the work, silent auction, for sale?

research pool?

coordinators- charlie, debbie locke

floor plan

ok I would like to kick off the research pool idea, by showing you guys this https://techgnosis.com/uncanny-objects/

this is Erik Davis' podcast, hes amazing and has loads of good Art Science stuff to listen and read, in this one he talks to TIMOTHY MORTON a guy who popped up in the cultures of nature workshop about animism and our good ol friend Object Oriented Ontology and could relate to the study of proteins in an interesting way 

"biology is fundamentally saying that life forms are made of non-life, but you cant draw this thin rigid distinction between them"

ideas and collaboration with interior architecture whether people want to collaborate  they can,  so we have to know, or at some point share individual ideas with each other,

hyperobjects, global warming

[yangingaround]

I recently watched Destiny again and now that we know that Qrow needs some information from Raven, I was thinking that the reason he told Yang that he had some clues for her was to somehow use Yang to get through Raven? I'm not sure how since Raven doesnt give an F, but we already know he told Ruby he was going to Haven so she would go as well, so he's not above using his nieces to move the plans along. Tho he will do his best to protect them. I just wanted to share and hear your thoughts on it.

hmm, i’m not sure - with Ruby he knew she’d go anyway, giving her a direction and keeping an eye on her so she can grow under a watchful eye and work her way through what’s happened - because he likely knows this is how she copes with bad shit (but may not have it together enough to realise it’s not a healthy way for her to cope and she actually does need to face it to work through it) - was better than just letting her wander aimlessly and allows him to do both at once; keep an eye on her while still making progress to Haven

with Yang... Raven seems to be an uncomfortable subject in the family, Yang has spent the last decade thinking no one’s seen Raven since she was born (2x06), only to find out from Qrow that he’d seen her within the last few months and irregularly but numerous occasions in that intervening period and only just then brought it up (3x08), and only because Yang prompted the subject by voicing that her seeing Raven on the train might be evidence she was starting to lose her mind. Qrow said he was waiting for the right time, but he never gave an indication of what the right time was gonna be and we’ve only his word that he ever was gonna talk to her about it (like he had time within the day and a half-ish he had to just take her to the side and let her know - or at least that they needed to chat about something after the tournament was over if he didn’t want to put that weight on her mind when she had the tournament to focus on). that the chain of events following that conversation meant he didn’t have to follow through on that promise, and what we just learned about him and his semblance, i wouldn’t be surprised if, had PvP not happened, when Yang asked after it, he would have found an excuse not to go - either give her the info and shadow her or just keep putting it off

#RWBY #yangalysis #Anonymous

[melissaspruce]

Its 2:40am and i cant stop my thoughts

The first time she cheated on me was in a nightclub toilet. Right infront of my eyes. And she denied it. I felt everything crumble id never been so destroyed. Ill never forget how broken i was when i went to my best friends house the next day and collapsed in her arms. I did a weird thing, I pretended it didnt happen. I denied it. The second time she cheated on me was when i was waiting for her at a pub and she left me there alone for 3 hours while she ignored my phone calls and would occasionally reply with petty lies as to where she was. Little did she know someone had seen her with this girl just out front of the pub i was waiting for her in. Whats worse was this girl added me on social media and smiled to my face as I waved hello as i introduced myself kindly. What a dickhead. Then months later i noticed a change in her. Like she was deleberatly trying to get me to hate her. I still stayed and loved her even then. She then broke up with me and told me it was her not me. That old chestnut. Then came back to me when she was lonely a few weeks later. I lied and told her i hacked into her messages and her whole face dropped with guilt. She eventually let out it was the same girl from the night she left me for 3 hours in town. And that she was so guilty she broke up with me so she could meet up with her. Swore she never did anything as per usual. Whats worse was i worked on forgiving her, only to be lying in bed with her at night and have this girl call over 20 times crying she was going to commit sucide. I still bared it. It changed me but i still kept loving her. Then when we would go out i would have to deal with this girl being everywhere we went staring. After that i broke up with her because i found myself becoming crazy. Always checking her posts. Her likes. It began to consume me. Then she pulled the sucide card and told me how much she hated herself. I knew that pain all too easily and my heart broke for her. And yep you guessed it. I contiuned to love her. After that i noticed whatever she had been telling her family and friends must have been horrible because their demanor was noticeably different with me. I couldnt understand why i was so hated when i did nothing wrong. She would show me text messages from her best friend telling her being with me was a bad idea. That I was no good. I would never have shown or told her the things my friends said about her, that just nasty. But still i loved her. Eventually the months rolled by and her phone for 2 years always remained face down.  She stopped posting pictures of me and would yell at me everytime i did a snap chat with her in it. Eventually i had had enough and broke up with her again. 2 days later she was back at my door step smiling and saying it didnt feel right to not be with me. And still i loved her. I noticed one night again that she was acting weird and replying at strange times. She told me she was with a friend having a quiet one at home and broke up with me the next day. A few days later i had a friend contact me and tell me she was in another lesbians snap chat having a ball all 3 in bed. How cute. For everyone to see but me to be left in the unknown like a meaningless piece of shit. Ill admit this was my final straw and although i dont feel good about it. I called her a slut and a dog and told her she was dead to me. And now i lie in my bed awake at night thinking of all the times we partied together and she would go strange and distant from me walking meters away from me acting like i wasnt there with her. She was probably entertaining someone else in the room and making it look like we werent together. Or how she would go from fine to instantly looking like i made her the most miserbale person in the world when the girl she cheated on me with was within eye sight. Dickhead Mel. And i followed her around still loving her like a fuckwit. Or the way she would drop me at the flick of a switch if her friends or family mentioned something distasteful about me. I dont know why i held on for so long through all of this. I know i loved her. I even tried to ask if she wanted a threesome from time to time. In the hopes that when she cheated next it wouldnt be so painful. But it wasnt me. I couldnt watch her enjoy herself with someone else. I never thought id ever stretch myself as far as i did to stay with someone ever. The nights i lay happily in her arms while she was probably riddled in her own guilt. It destoryed me thats for sure. My self worth took a beating. I no longer thought i was beautiful or smart or worthy for that matter. If only i could be skinner or richer or have nicer things would she love me more? Its fucking unbareable how much it changes you as a person. I for the first time in my life got bitter. I felt like i had to flaunt myself to show her maybe someone would want me. But she didnt seem to care. I would comment on other girls things and flirt in the hopes she would see and actually fucking care. Its almost like it turned into a competition. I knew it was wrong but i felt so fucking defeated. Another friend sent me screenshots of them flirting obviously she didnt think id ever clue onto that one. I tired to move on with another girl in one of our breakup spells but my heart was always stuck on her. And she kept telling me how disgusting we were and I looked desperate. Said more about her character than anything really. I took a long time to be intimate. I didnt really know how to show love. I liked that she was distant and would let me take baby steps at opening up. The problem was then once i did i had wrapped her up in my vines and held on tightly. Maybe too tightly. I cant bare to watch her move on like i know she will. Or to deal with seeing her in town. Or even to cop the judgement from thoes who are her friends. Ill never heal from her until im away from her all together. Out of sight and i pray out of mind. I feel sorry for whoevers next and i feel sorry for her for never allowing herself to heal from her own past heartbreaks. What do you expect when she cheated on her last partner to be with me. Loyalty? I remember when she was fucking me and her boyfriend was ringing her in town looking for her how she laughed at his name on her phone. Then i realised she did the same thing to me with the other girl. I pray it doesnt consume me forever. Or that i dont turn cold like her and hurt my next lover. It changes you. It really changes you. Probably the biggest lesson in love i have come to face so far. And whats sad it my story is all too familiar. The love letters i wrote when i poured my soul out to her only to find them crumpled in a shoe box. The flowers id buy her only to watch them slowly die on my bedside because she forgot to take them home. The cute posts that sat there without even a like or comment from her. The present i bought her for our one year only to recieve nothing in return. The family events I was never invited too because half her family didnt even know i existed. It made me feel less than a spec of dirt. The countless times i loved her and it was never given back and everyone could see her so carelessly leaving me out to dry. Alone. This probably even resonates within half the people that read this. Its deeply saddening that the word love is used all too easily. That it means only a season for many. I only pray everyone finds some solace within themselves before using up another pure soul to drown their own demons and miseries. And honeslty it feels good to get it out. If even on a blog. To pour my mind out and feel the pain.

[justmylifethoughtss-blog]

part 1

so here is your very first welcome into the little shit storm that most people call my life. I'm not the type of person that is good at handling my emotions let alone expressing them. a lot of my friends have suggested that if i struggle to tell them what is up maybe i should write it all down, however i tried that then mum found my diary and boy you can bet your fine looking ass i was in trouble. 

so to get you up to speed;

nothing too traumatic has happen to me growing up, just a few embarrassing moments like called your teacher mum or falling down stairs infant of people you know. however my brother never really was the social kind and intern he never had any mates over or talked to me. i always found it hard to interact with people not because i lacked the interest to like my brother however i just did not know how. i went through preschool and most of primary school fine, chilling with friends and have small parties organised by my mum. but i found when i started 5th grade that was when things started to get hard.

this was the time when everyone started to get phones boobs and boyfriends. obviously my family and i lived under a rock and missed the memo, cause i didn't have a boyfriend my tits didn't grow and my parents wouldn't let me have a phone. i know what you're thinking “omg first world problems who cares” but it was hard with my inability to grow a pair and i mean tits i wasn't desirable to the boys (besides one kid in my reading class who used to put he's farts in jars and give them to me as gifts while the other girls received roses). this meant that i was not one of the hot girls, so none of the girls would gain anything from being friends with me. those who did found it extremely hard to talk to me as they all messaged on their new iPhones or iPods while i was there saying see you next lunch like it was 1960′s. 

my parents were, are and always will be very strict. i was never allowed to go out with friends in primary school unless it was to someones house. the only actual party i went to in primary school was at the end of year 6. where my mum and i fought for weeks about even going. everyone though i was lame cause i could never go out.

this then continued when i went to high school, we had late starts on Thursdays and everyone, all of my friend would meet up at the local shops get breakfast and walk down to school, they'd take cute photos, make new jokes, get to know each other a lot better. But i wasn't allowed to go cause my mum said it was too dangerous and seems i didn't have a phone shed have no way of contacting me. it wasn't until june, half way through my first year of high school that my parents gave me a phone and an iPod. it was a nokia brick but i had the newest and coolest iPod everyone wanted it, well only for the next few months until the next one came out. but now i could text all the time, and become closer with all my friends.

however i was still not allowed to go out, so i figured if i blurt out my life story and be really open with my friends they will do the same. but that isn't how it works especially with a lot of people being fake you know. i didn't realise how bad an idea it was until i got into a fight with this boy he's name was sam. so after he put me through hell i decided i needed a fresh start so half way through year 8 i moved schools. 

i was happier at the new school i had better friends and everyone was supportive. over the next year and a bit there were a few snakes, a few fights, i moved groups but that happens. 

now for the juicy part 

year 9 summer holidays - i was staying at my best friend Sarah's house, we were then invited to go to the movies by another one of our friends Bethany. when Bethany arrived to watch the movie she brought along with her some other mates. the one that stood out to me he's name was christian, he spoke so smoothly and he smelt good. everyone had left me and christian in the movies alone and we started to make out it got really heated and he's hands soon slid down my panties and started to get to work. i was like boiiiiiiiii this aint my first rodeo i know whats good so as the heat continued to rise i made sure that nobody would be able to see and my mouth got to work the best it could. christian then invited me to this gatho the next night at he's mates house. i begged and begged and begged my parents to let me go. i was so nervous when i got there cause there were no other girls just all he's boys. after having a few drinks i ended up sleeping with christian, he then went and told all of he's boys. but when it got out at the both of the schools he said i made it up and that i just wanted the attention. he is still in my life causing trouble to this day, he still won't tell anyone he was the one that lied but admits to me it happen and then he asks for a second go all the time

again i stayed at my friend sarans house and i had put a photo of her on my snapchat story drinking from a goon bag. one of my friends at the time lucas hit me up saying we should meet up all the boys had been at a party and are now bored. one of the other boys who i assumed didnt like me hit me up begging me to come out with him and lucas. so sarah and i agreed we did our hair and makeup and met up with them. brent the one i thought hated me, really started to hit it off with me but the night ended with us fucking against a car ( i know its not classy at all and if i was at my house i would never had been out). brent and i agreed that nobody should know but he had already told he's boys and it was soon the talk of both schools.

i snuck out a few weeks later to see one of the boys from that night adam. we were slowly starting to get closer but mostly bonded over our love for drinking. we met up at a park near he's house and had a really deep and meaningful chat. at 3 in the morning we were 1 bottle of vodka and a cheap bottle of red down and we kissed but like he had promised he never spoke a word of that night to anyone and it stays between us. 

i would always have to sneak out to see my friends cause my parents didn't yet trust me to go to parties or to go out with them without a large amount of notice

bringing us to real time where adam is one of my best friends, i don't talk to sarah , lucas or brent anymore and christian still continues to try to hurt me. i have been in a long relationship but have realised i find it hard to trust anyone after overtime someone fucks me over making it hard for me to commit to a relationship. i still find it hard to keep up with my friends as they are allowed to do so much more then me. a lot of them are allowed to leave the house whenever they please as long as they are back by a certain time or their parents know where they are. but i have to give my parents three days warning and explain every little detail of the event and keep them up to date every half hour with what i am doing OHHHHH and unlike everyone else i have to be home by 4pm.

when it comes to parties they have to be the ones to drop me off and pick me up otherwise i can't go. my mum also makes me get pee tests done regularly and breathe tests me when i come home from a party. she also now checks on me when i sleep and constantly goes through everything in my rooms and checks my mail.

anywayssssssss, 

another juicy part 

i was invited to this gatho and it took a lot of begging but mum finally let me go. i started to repeat everything that happen over summer holidays of year 9. i ended up getting with this guy toby. he was really good but we were both slightly drunk. shortly after that i got into a fight with one of the girls there and i found out toby had told all he's boys and christian. i was fairly mad cause he said he wouldn't say anything. but one of he's boys harry hit me up joking about it trying to make it better. i left for a holiday the week after when i was on the plane toby admitted to be that he had slept with another girl from my school drunkenly and he really regrets what had happen, but the girl had gone around saying he was a rapist. so when i returned from my holiday all of the girls fav me shit for it. the only person i had to confide in was harry who had been there ever since and still is if i need anything.

speaking of harry he is super attractive good body and mixed race, he has a super cute nose and he's voice is just amazing, harry said to me one day the only reason you could be moody is a) you hungry b) you got your period c) you dick deprived d) you need attention, so come shops well get kfc, ill give you attention let me know when the weeks up and then you can get everything that'll make you happy and since then we have been fucking without people knowing but he is always dropping hints that he's into me and like he's so hot like if he is wife me and if he isnt its good dick well that what i used to thin until i found out he has a tune. now i just got to figure out whether good dick is worth it i mean nobody has found out this far and he's the bad guy for knowing the whole time. he doesnt even know i know so idk whether to play it dumb.

but it made me stressed thinking about it so i got relief from this guy that lives around the corner from me cody. i thought it would be really good cause that what he talks it up to be but like usain bolt running 100m he came so fast and i didn't know what to do. it we so awkward cause we sat down after and had mexican and had a deep and meaningful about our families

AND HARRY IS HITTING ME UP AS WE SPEEK ABOUT COMING OVER 

so i know this was long but now ur up to speed the next posts will be smaller

much love putas