#realistically there were more people in the car but I wanted our beast to have the spotlight

[patchofvoid]

Another monster of the week. A ghost who will surely never show up or cause any problems for us ever again.

#artists on tumblr #dnd #illustration #monster of the week #motw #realistically there were more people in the car but I wanted our beast to have the spotlight #and also I didn’t want to draw anyone else haha

[mst3kproject]

The Thrill Killers

In case you’ve forgotten, Ray Dennis Steckler from MUZ made more movies that starred himself under the name ‘Cash Flagg’, which is right up there with ‘Touch Connors’ on the list of Stage Names People Probably Cringed Over Later In Life.  The Thrill Killers also features a number of other people who were in MUZ, including Atlas King (the foreigny guy), Erina Enyo (Estrella), and Carolyn Brandt (Marge). It’s also got Gary Kent, who was never on MST3K but did do stunts on Bubba Ho-Tep, so that’s neat.  Almost all of these people are playing characters with the same first name as themselves, which seems to suggest the writers weren't feeling very creative.

A narrator introduces us to Joe Saxon, a guy attempting to schmooze his way into the movie business by throwing incredibly lame parties and inviting Hollywood bigwigs.  This doesn't seem to be impressing anybody, and certainly not Joe's wife Liz, who soon gets fed up and decides to leave him.  When Joe follows in the hope of winning her back, their paths cross with those of three escaped mental patients, who have been murdering their way through a bunch of NPCs as they head for who-knows-where.  From there, it's just twenty minutes of bongos, people running around in the desert, and disorganized shootouts.

The narrator is only in the first five or six minutes, which is a shame, because during that time he rambles in a way that's almost as mesmerizingly incoherent as in The Beast of Yucca Flats. He even has a similar favourite word!  Instead of 'progress', this is 'unreality', as he tells us that Joe is living in a fantasy of future stardom while the real world is fast catching up with him.  I was very disappointed when the movie traded the Narrator for actual dialogue.  He was my second-favourite character (my favourite was the horse).

The narrator also introduces Dennis Kesdekian, a Greek immigrant with a family to support.  In contrast with Joe, Dennis is a realist, who intends to work hard and build a life for his children in America. The setup leads us to expect that the two men will meet and their worldviews clash over the course of the story, but it's a trick – moments later, Dennis is murdered by Steckler, who steals his car and leaves his corpse at the side of the road.  This once, it's actually kind of effective, but our lesson has been learned: the movie only wants us to like these people so we can be shocked when they die, and we're not going to fall for it again.

It doesn't help that the next people who crop up are obvious Designated Victims – a couple, Ron and Carol, who are on their way to look at the house they're buying in anticipation of their upcoming wedding. If that weren't enough, the house is a dilapidated wreck and Ron has to cheer Carol up by talking about how they'll renovate it as they wander around looking for the owner they were supposed to meet. Between the ominous surroundings and the couple looking forward to a bright future, these two are definitely going to die.

And they do... but man, do they take a long time about it.  It's respectable as an attempt to build suspense but everything goes on just a little too long before they find the escaped murderers and the previous owner's rubbery severed head, and then a little too long again after. There was a moment in there when I thought Carol might survive and escape, but again, it's a trick the movie plays on us, and she finally dies as well.

This is pretty standard behaviour for a slasher movie, but for some reason it pisses me off here.  I think it's because it actually worked so well in the opening.  The death of Dennis really was a surprise, but it also made me cynical.  The Thrill Killers clearly doesn't care about its characters or their stories, it just wants to show me violence.  When it later pretends that Carol might escape, it's only so that it can show me more violence, as the three murderers chase her, capture her, and lose her again, threaten her with guns, knives, and an axe, and as she screams and sobs and pleads for her life.

To nobody's surprise, most of this drawn-out torment is visited upon the women in the movie.  Ron's end is delayed a little, but that's mostly to further abuse poor Carol – his actual death is swift, as he is beheaded.  Another victim, a dancer, is teased and beaten up before finally being stabbed to death with a pair of scissors.  Joe's wife Liz is chased around the desert by a knife-wielding maniac at ridiculous length, and when she finally manages to flag down a car it turns out things have only gotten worse, as the driver is another murderer! Her prolonged terror was so similar to Carol's that I was actually astonished she survived.

Other than Ron, when men die in this movie, they do so quickly and with no fuss.  Dennis at the beginning is shot and dies at once.  One of the escaped murderers drinks strychnine-laced coffee and immediately collapses, which I don't think is how poison works (Wikipedia bore me out on this: even strychnine takes at least ten minutes).  Another is thrown off a cliff using the classic 'toss a cloth dummy over the edge' technique, which is always hugely unconvincing but often, as here, very funny.  A third is shot by a policeman after a long horse chase.

We've arrived at the horse!  Ray Dennis Steckler rides through the desert on a horse being chased by a cop on a motorcycle, with the terrain and the vegetation always giving just enough of an advantage for Steckler to stay ahead.  This is a cool idea but it goes on way too long, and the sequence is designed to feel very different from the torturous chases of Carol and Liz.  The women's escape almost always seems hopeless, and they have no weapon to fight back against their pursuers.  All they can do is run, on their feet, in high heels. Steckler has a horse and a gun.  He shoots several of the cops before they finally catch him, which only happens after he's been forced to abandon both mount and weapon.  Where Carol and Liz were always helpless, Steckler is in a position of power even when he is desperate and running for his life.

The horse chase is easily the funniest part of the movie, though.  It comes out of nowhere, for one thing – Steckler drives his car into a clearing where there's this guy in a cowboy hat sitting by a campfire.  We've never seen this dude before, and we never find out anything about him (although after the previous attempts to make me care about characters who are only going to die, I'm kind of grateful).  Steckler shoots him, takes his hat, and then gets the horse.  We have no reason to believe this character has ever been on a horse in his life, but the stunt rider they used clearly knows what he's doing... so I choose to believe that stealing the hat magically gave Steckler the ability to ride a horse!  Then there's the end of the sequence, when they get into terrain that can only be traversed on foot.  Steckler abandons the horse and runs off... and the camera lingers on the animal a little as it seems to stand there going, wait, wtf just happened?

While the beginning of the movie tries to set up a theme of the fantasy of success (delivered from heaven to solve all your problems) versus the reality (hard fucking work), and then shot itself in the foot by shooting Dennis in the chest... the ending manages to be even worse.  After all this stress and danger, Joe has decided to give up acting and get a real job, and Liz delightedly takes him back.  Then, however, a producer phones to offer him a part – ten weeks' work at five thousand dollars per week!  I have no idea how much this was in 1965 but I sure don't make five thousand dollars per week.  He happily accepts, and Liz also seems thrilled, so I guess the moral of the story is that if you 'earn' them by going through some harrowing shit, your dreams really will just fall into your lap.

Beyond that, the movie doesn't even really try to have a 'theme' unless you count the inevitable 'mentally ill people are scary and dangerous and need to be locked up so the rest of us can pretend they don't exist'. It just wants to show us horrible things happening to people who really don't deserve it.  The only character who might have deserved any of this was Joe, who was neglecting his relationships and chasing an impossible dream... he could have used a good slap about the head from the wet haddock of reality.  But Joe not only survives, he gets his dream just handed to him in the denouement, when he was literal days away from actually trying to get his shit together!

This actually seems to harken back to something from MUZ, a movie which gets a Bert-I-Gordon-esque self-plug from The Thrill Killers in the form of a poster on a diner wall.  In that movie, Steckler's character Jerry didn't want to work – he wanted to just "enjoy life". In The Thrill Killers, Joe wants to be a movie star and insists on living the Hollywood lifestyle even when he can't afford it.  I know I'm not qualified to armchair psychoanalyze these people but here I'm tempted again.  When Steckler's movies feature characters who want to be rich and famous without having to work for it... is he talking about himself and his own hopes for his movie career?

If so, I hate to tell you this, dude... but the reason you failed is because your movies suck.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the thrill killers #60s #there are horses in this movie

[seblos]

love on top

words: 1,387

series: snippets

read on ao3

When Carlos got to the studio that day, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. 

Rehearsals for Beauty and the Beast had been particularly rough, especially today. With Nini gone, it left Ricky and Kourtney moping and noncompliant. Meanwhile, Gina was still around and staying at Ashlyn’s house, but she had become distant without her mom around. Not to mention that even after High School Musical, it was clear there was still some divide between him and the cast. It was hard to get their attention, and if Miss Jenn wasn’t around to supervise choreography rehearsals, they hardly listened to him anyway. He had been hoping after the success of their fall show that his position even as an underclassman would have earned him some respect when it came to the show, but shortly after rehearsals for their spring musical, he was crushed with the reality that everything was exactly the same.

Realistically, Carlos knew he could do something about it. He could talk to Miss Jenn and ask her to be there more often, as when she was around, it was easier to get things done. He could talk to his classmates outside of class and try and hint at them that he needed just a little more support when it came to his choreography. 

Or he could just stand up for himself like a normal person. 

Somehow, though, Carlos couldn’t find the courage in him to do that yet. After the forest of boys incident from their fall show, it was going to be a little while before he was ready to stand up for himself like that. The way the entire room turned on him over in a matter of minutes was not something he was looking to experience again.

At least there was Seb. His wonderful, innocently kind boyfriend who always offered to let Carlos vent to him about how he wasn’t taken seriously by the cast. Seb was doing his best to stand up for Carlos as well considering people seemed to listen to him more often. Unfortunately, as much as Carlos appreciates his efforts, it seems as if the rest of the cast isn’t too interested in changing their dynamic anytime soon.

Rehearsal had ended early once again after Miss Jenn had to duck out early for some other emergency, and everyone else seemed to take it as a sign that they could stop too. While he understood the stress of what was going on right now: Nini not being around, prom, SATs, and other standardized testing, as well as the everyday stress of a high school student, it hurt to see everyone not always putting in the same amount of effort that he was. In the end, Carlos knew they would pull it together, that the cast would tighten back up the faster that opening night approached, but did it have to involve him suffering through the slow stages all alone for them to get to that point?

At least for now he could let go of his day and just dance. It always worked well as a creative outlet to be able to just drop his bag (as well as all of his figurative baggage) and forget himself for an hour and half class. He had to adjust his schedule so he wasn’t overwhelmed with dance classes, homework, and rehearsals all in one night. The nights he was able to make classes, though, it was practically therapy. 

It was nice to not be in charge for a little while. He loved choreographing, of course, otherwise, he never would have stuck with the show, but that love stemmed from his love for dance as a whole. His entire dance career could be traced back to this studio.

Once the class ends, Carlos takes a little extra time to pack up. His class was the last of the night, meaning that the room would clear out. Luckily, he had an understanding with his incredible dance teacher, who would immediately understand that he wanted to rehearse alone for a while and leave him to his own devices.

Once the room is empty, Carlos steps to the middle of the room, taking a deep breath. He rolls back his shoulders, plugging his favorite playlist into his earbuds, and just lets himself move.

Some of the songs are musical theatre, others are just pop songs from the past few years that he’s never gotten enough of. Either way, it feels good. Nothing he has to teach, nothing he has to create to set a scene, just dance. He finishes out the last of the song with a messy turn and his arms in the air like a gymnast. It’s nothing he would ever do on stage, but it’s fun, which he can only get so much of right now.

“Is that a new routine? I don’t think I’ve seen that one yet,” a voice comes from the doorway, and Carlos turns to see his boyfriend leaning against one of the bars, two paper to-go cups in hand. “If that’s something for the show, I hope it’s for Gina because I don’t know if any of us are capable of that.”

Carlos grins, going to pick up his glasses which he left in his bag before walking over to Seb. He gestures to the cups he’s holding, and Seb holds one out.

“Hot chocolate,” he smiles softly. “Even professional dancers like you deserve a treat.”

“I’m far from professional,” Carlos tells him, but he takes the cup gratefully. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

“Georgie and I were picking up some stuff for the farm, and I knew you have dance on Tuesdays. Decided it was worth the risk to see if you were here.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow before taking a sip from the cup. “I guess you got lucky, then.”

Seb inches closer, and Carlos reaches behind him to put the cup on the shelf. Once he does, he lets his arm fall onto his boyfriend's shoulder. “Wanna learn a dance?”

“Still up to teach choreography after today?” Seb tilts his head, and Carlos rolls his eyes back at the reminder of rehearsal. 

“Dancing with you is different than dancing with them,” he points out vaguely, not missing the way Seb’s smile twists upwards like he can’t help it.

“Well, you have maybe five minutes before Georgie comes to kidnap me back.”

“That’s all I need,” Carlos says, before dropping his hand to take Seb’s, pulling his boyfriend to the center of the dance studio floor. He clicks off his previous playlist, scrolling through the car playlist they had made with Georgie until he found a song. His eyes catch a song, and he presses play.

Seb laughs as “Can I Have This Dance” from High School Musical 3 plays. “Not tired of High School Musical yet, either, huh?”

“Not yet,” he says, then pulls Seb close to him.

They both know enough of the original choreo from the movie that they’re not completely tripping over each other, although it’s definitely not as swift as the original. It does remind Carlos of their pre-school dance rehearsals together and their night at homecoming. That’s another thing dance has done for him: brought him closer to one of the most important people in his life. 

And then again, maybe he spoke too soon because a moment later Seb’s foot catches on his ankle, and they both fall to the ground.

“So maybe five minutes isn’t enough time to learn a dance,” Seb says, rolling off of Carlos and standing up, offering a hand out to him.

He accepts it gratefully. “Still easier than trying to teach Ricky.”

Seb doesn’t let go of his hand, instead pulling him into a hug. When he pulls back, he presses his forehead to Carlos. “You’ve got this, you know that right? Your choreography is genius and if Ricky or anyone else can’t recognize that then they clearly don’t know what’s best for the show.”

Ignoring the heat traveling up his neck, Carlos just smiles. “I don’t know… personally I think the best part is our very own Lumiere.”

Seb pulls away, rolling his eyes as he grabs Carlos’s hand. “Shush. And get your stuff. I’ll get Georgie to drive you home.”

#seblos #seb matthew smith #carlos rodriguez #hsmtmts #high school musical the muiscal the series #my writing #snippets

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #329

“i keep it all inside because i know that man is everything but kind”

What is the best thing about your life right now? Uhhhhh... I guess from a realistic standpoint, my partial hospitalization program. I'm learning very important coping skills and have some social interaction almost every day. How was your second serious relationship different from your first? Did you approach relationships differently with some experience under your belt? My first serious relationship was made deeper than what was safe because I was 100% obsessed with him; meanwhile, with Sara, I feel I loved her in a wiser way and with a sense of self still present. I was definitely more hesitant to "let" myself fall in love again, though, and was very insecure at the start. Whose death affected you the most? My dog's, Teddy. What was the best time you’ve had with a complete stranger? I don't exactly make a habit of hanging out with complete strangers... Who has seen you at your absolute worst? How did your relationship change afterwards? Mom, Jason, Girt, and Colleen, probably. Girt showed up at the ER after my overdose (I was a dramatic fuck and wrote a suicide note on Facebook so I didn't just... go without telling some people things I definitely wanted to), and that's when my crush on him really kicked into gear again. He was and is just always there for me through everything. For Jason, I am quiiiiiiiite sure seeing me have an absolute catatonic breakdown the night of the breakup just pushed him away more. I probably looked crazy. Colleen also showed up at the ER after my suicide attempt, and it brought us closer. Then there's Mom, who's, you know, my mom, and my darkest times have always grown our incredible bond, too, because she would never fail to be there for me. What’s your favorite planet? Saturn is dope. What’s your favorite pasta dish? Just spaghetti with tomato sauce and meatballs. What color do you really want to dye your hair? My top three are pastel pink, light/creamsicle orange, and silver, but there are more. What’s your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue or emerald green. What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? Um, I don't break into places. What’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? Sara gets super squeaky, bouncy, and just in general wordlessly excited at reptile shows. Going with her to one is one of my favorite memories, mostly just by watching her. Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Have I ever been (awake) with friends past 3AM...? Idk. Do you have a favorite coffee shop? Describe it! Not a coffee gal. Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Sara. (: When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Now THERE'S a fuckin question. I don't have the slightest idea. What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today? Thunderstorms; definitely not. Have you ever been to a Pride festival? No, but I'd love to. How open are you with your parents? I don't tell everything to my dad (though I know I could), but I'm an open book with Mom. Is there anything you’re more open about on the internet (such as on LiveJournal) than you would be in “real life”? I guess my sexual history. I'm just in general pretty open online. What is the most petty thing you’ve ever done? Oh, I'm CERTAIN it involves Jason after the breakup, but I don't know the "most"... What is the longest you’d be willing to wait to have sex in a new relationship? I myself don't want to until we're clearly serious and long-term by that point, and I know for a fact they're in love with me like I am them. I don't care how long they want to wait, though. I said in a previous survey that sex just... isn't that important to me. It's not my most cherished form of intimacy. Who has had the most positive effect on your life? My mama. Are there any relatives that you are not on speaking terms with? What happened? Most of the family doesn't talk to my aunt's literally psychotic, manipulative fuck of an ex-husband. I don't feel like it's my business to share exactly what happened, but yeah, fuck him with a chainsaw. :^) Who was the last person to ask you to hang out? Did you agree to hang out with them? It was more like an open invitation to all of her friends, but I guess you could say Summer. I did. I honestly wanna hang out again. Have you ever had to take a stool or urine test? Why did you have to do this? Urine ones, yes: to 1.) test for UTIs and 2.) ensure I wasn't pregnant before surgery. Is there a food that you eat basically every day? What food is that? Not every day, no. Can you remember the first video game you ever played? What about your first video gaming system? I don't. It was probably something with few controls, like this Barbie horse riding game my sisters and I loved, or an Elmo game that we had on a demo disc. I think you had to follow a path on a pogo stick picking up letters? We had a PS1 when I was born, so that was my first. The last video game you played - did you play alone or with someone else? By "video," I'm going to assume you're not including the computer, in which case I think it was The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon, which I was playing alone. It does have a two-player option though that I wanna do one day. The controls are definitely meant for two people. If there is a disc in your computer, what disc is it? There is no disc. Do you shut down your computer every time after you use it, or do you leave it on? I always leave it on... Do you know anyone who has ever been in a movie? Who and what movie were they in? What was their part? Hm, I don't believe so. Describe the last shirt you saw that you really liked. Where did you see it? It was definitely some sort of graphic tee on Facebook, I'm sure. It was something with an opossum design and a short phrase. When was the last time you brought a pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? The most recent vet visit was when we got Roman neutered. Do you have any bug bites on you right now? If so, where? No. When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook? When I DID fish, yeah. Not because I was afraid to touch the fish, but because I was afraid of nicking myself with the inevitably dirty hook. Did you go to daycare when you were little? Only very briefly; my incredible separation anxiety from my mom made it extremely difficult. She very quickly chose our neighbors as my and my sisters' babysitters. I could handle that because I loved "Uncle Donny," the granddad of the family, and I could see my house from their front door. He was/is (idk if he's still alive) a wonderful man. Do you know what you’d have been named had you been born the opposite sex? No. Would you ever visit a nude beach? NOOOOOOOO THANK YOU. Who was the last person you dreamt about? I don't remember. Where is your favorite place to be kissed other than the usual place? Don't touch my neck if you don't have free time lmaooo. What is your favorite memory with one of your grandparents? I'm going to be completely honest: I have none that are exceptionally important to me. I only knew one grandmother most of my life, and we had a turbulent relationship. Would you date someone who has cheated in their previous relationships? Naaaaah son. What was the most drastic change you made to your appearance? Chopping 8+ inches of hair off. Is there anything you hope your significant other/future significant other never finds out about you? No. I don't want to keep secrets from them above all others. What are most of your Facebook posts about? If you're talking things I actually compose myself and not share, probably pictures of my pets, haha. Or small statements regarding political issues or mental health. What’s your favorite part of the song that you’re listening to? The beat. Who was the last person you got into a small argument with? Probably my mom, idk. How warm do you like your showers/baths to be? Pretty hot. In the past year, have you lost weight or gained weight? How much? Gained... and I'd rather not share. What year was the last car you rode in/drove? I have zero clue, but it's old. What’s your worst/funniest experience with one of your neighbors? The neighbors at my childhood home had two wonderful rottweilers, but one day they got loose and killed at least one of our kittens. It died in my hands. Mom was fucking livid and sobbing. Besides this occasion though, we got along with them. How much alone time is too much for you before you start going crazy and want to be around people? It depends on the day, really, and how entertained I am in my alone time. Generally, one day of total isolation (from people, anyway) is enough for me to want my mom's company at least or to be texting Sara. The last time you burned your tongue or mouth, what were you eating? A pizza roll burned my tongue just a tad. Honestly, are you shallow? Not at all. Besides clothes, shoes, and accessories, what’s your favorite thing to shop for? S N A K E S ! ! ! I could LIVE on the Morph Market website and "window shop." I love planning out the next morph I'm most interested in adopting. If you have/had any facial piercings, what side are they on? Any reason you chose that side? If you don’t have any, if you had to get a facial piercing what would it be and what side would it be on? I have a vertical labret on my lower lip that goes directly down the center of my face. I chose it because I love the symmetry. I've had my right nostril pierced twice, just because I preferred that side for whatever reason. What, would you say, is your sexiest/most provocative article of clothing? I don't own anything like that. I have zero interest in showing off my body. Do/did you have attendance problems in school? I was notoriously tardy for the first class of the day a lot because I was an absolute beast to drag out of bed all the way up to college. Does/did your parents ever go through your computer or cell phone? Mom did. What song reminds you the most of a particular day in your life? Why is that? "Where the Wild Wolves Have Gone" by Powerwolf is a strong one. I played it again and again the day Teddy was put down, even before we went to go euthanize him. It was my inspiration to one day spread his ashes at Yellowstone in wolf territory. As much as I'd love to keep his ashes forever, like, what happens after I die? And my sisters? Eventually, that container will lose meaning and probably be discarded, so I want to return him to nature. Do you have any close friends that were adopted? No close ones. Who, in your opinion, is the best thriller writer? Idk. Does your Mom eat meat? Yeah. Do you prefer thick or thin crusted pizza? THICK. Thin crust is an utter disappointment. Do you have any friends with the same name as you? No. Who has the prettiest middle name you know? Ha, I mention Alon a lot when it comes to beauty... I can't remember what it is, but I do know hers wins. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier? No. It makes me go to bed earlier. Can you touch​ your nose with your tongue?​​ No. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are there any shows that your friends seem to be obsessed with, but that you just don’t get? Oh, loads. How old was the last child that you spoke to? She's six. What’s a song that makes you feel happy? "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen, for one. How far in advance do you prefer to plan? It depends, but generally kinda far. Do you always smile for pictures? With other people, yes. Some selfies, no, but usually. What are you most excited about right now? my MOTHERFUCKIN tattoo appointment in MAY!!!!!!!!!!! Do you prefer the aisle, middle, or window seat on a plane? Window seat, zero doubts. Where would you like to volunteer? I wanna help at an animal rehab. What was the last thing you ate? A strawberry and grain granola bar thing. How do you find new music? Usually YouTube recommendations. What’s your favorite city? I don't have one. What makes your bedroom special to you and what is your favorite part about it? It's a total nests of my various interests. My favorite part is my meerkat collection. Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? No. Do you shave your legs more than once a week? God no. I haven't shaved my legs since October lmao. Would you get married if you could right now? Definitely not right now. I don't have a job or my own place. What is your favorite type of jewelry (i.e. bracelets, necklaces, etc.)? Chokers. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? No. I was wholeheartedly in love with him. What was the shittiest hotel you’ve ever stayed at and why? I've never stayed in a bad one, to my recollection. Have you ever gone on a boat and been sick the whole time? No. Have you ever kept something from the wild as a pet? A turtle for a little while, yes. Don't do that. Ever win first place for something? Yeah, a few things. What was the last thing you fell off of? Idk. Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? No. What’s the most confusing book you ever read? The style in which Johnny Got His Gun is written is very confusing, but you adapt to understand it. Jumping back and forth from the past to the present can give ya some metaphorical whiplash. Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? No. Has anyone ever called your personality dull? Do you agree with them? No. Have you ever personally witnessed a drug deal before? Possibly. Ever have an ultrasound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I can't remember what they were checking for, but I was fine. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Colleen's house, yes. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? Nope; got no interest. Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nah, not for me. Do you enjoy being outdoors? Only if it's cool out, in which case yeah. Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? Not anymore. I just think about the terrified animals (wild and pets alike) and traumatized veterans. Do you enjoy tanning? Not at all. Which of the seven deadly sins do you commit the most? Sloth. Did you have a Furby when you were younger? Yeah. Creepy fuckers. How long was your first relationship? I actually don't remember how long Aaron and I were together... other than it was just a few months. Who was the first person to break your heart? My dad, generally speaking. Romantically, Jason. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? I don’t know. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yeah. What did the last key you used go to? The car's trunk. Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly? I honestly do wish I remembered my "first time" because that's a pretty big deal to me. What’s your biggest priority right now? My mental health. If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? I've done that numerous times, and given there was nothing good on the TV ever, I just slept time away or read. Since every time I was suicidal, there were very, very few things you were allowed to have. Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? EW no. Are your hands unsteady? Yes; I have what's called an essential tremor in both. Are your legs long or short? They're proportional to my body. Is there a bookshelf in your room? No. Do you own a robe? What color is it? No. Who’s the last person you smoked weed with? I've never done it. Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? No. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? Yeah, my sisters in the past. Is there anything you need to talk about with someone? No. Who was the last person who cried around you? My mom. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. What band was on the last band t-shirt you wore? Korn. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Maybe snakebites. Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? Nah. I only ever really did once or twice when I had snake eyes. Honestly, have you ever purchased something, worn it, and then returned it? Possibly? If you could have your own house anywhere in the world, where would it be? In the mountains in a nicely wooded area with a waterfall close by. It'd be nice to have a small stream or pond too to sit or swim in. If you could create a holiday - what would it be? I wish the legalization of gay marriage in America was a legitimate holiday. Are you shy about singing in front of people? OHHHHH YES. Do you own a robe? Do you sleep with a sleep mask? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''voices'' by motionless in white

[iamfallinforeverything]

First Love (3/4)

Sorry that it took me so long, but the past few days were actually more stressful than I thought. Anyway, here it is finally. Hope you like it 🤗 Also there is def going to be a fourth part. I wanted to finish this little series with this part then it would have taken me even longer to finish that part and I didn’t wanted that 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries, The Originals (Kol Mikaelson) 

Summary: The rest of the Mikaelson family learn about your little problem with leaving the property.

Words: + 1.9k (I missed 2k by just a few words 😒)

Warnings: swearing, i can’t think of anything else tbh 

Last Time: 

I didn't really remember how I got into the room either. All I knew was that Elijah had helped me. And after that, it was all just a blur. Damn alcohol.

And please, don’t ask me where the stupid blanket went that Elijah put around my shoulders because I don’t have a fucking clue.  

***

When I woke up, my head was pounding. I've rarely had such a headache. But I knew exactly what helped to relieve a headache. Hopefully there would be something like what I needed.

Exhausted, I stretched and looked around. Slowly the memories of yesterday came back. So my mood sank somewhere in the area of the earth's core. I had absolutely no desire for what was coming to me in the near future. Ha, especially how should I explain to my parents that I was stuck here? Hopefully someone of my ancestors had already done so. I don't know how, but maybe I got lucky.

Why were my ancestors such assholes anyway? I hadn't done anything bad to them. Yeah okay, except for asking for help and maybe I had been a little bit naughty and ungrateful once or twice for the life I had. But who hadn't sometimes?

Defeanded I finally got up. I had no choice anyway and I needed something for the headache. Besides, if I ever wanted to be free again, I had to find a way to turn the Mikaelson siblings back into humans. And somehow I would have to convince Niklaus that being human wasn't as bad as he thought.

Surprisingly, I even wore yesterday's dress. It had just changed back to its original color. My father's spells didn't last very long. In the trunk of my car there should theoretically still be my suitcase. Maybe I could bring it here with a simple bringing spell.

A small gust of wind opened all doors for the transport and a few minutes later my suitcase was in front of me. So my car was open again. Thank God. It wouldn't help me though.

Quickly I changed my dress for my favourite trousers and top, slipped into some socks and put on my favourite shoes.  I combed my hair once and breathed deeply.

At some point I had to get out of this room anyway. It's best if I just get it over.

One last time I went through my hair and made my way out. I immediately heard voices from downstairs and made my way there. I had to get through it now.

Carefully I went to the room where the voices came from. Immediately everyone became quiet when they saw me. Everyone was there, even Kol. Somehow my heart became heavy when I saw his smile disappear when he looked at me, but I just pushed that feeling aside. Right now I had far worse problems than understanding this strange situation with Kol.

"What does the little witch still want here?" Niklaus asked and pointed at me with a downward hand gesture.

"She can't leave.", Elijah replied and smiled at me friendly. At least someone.

"Pardon?"

"My ancestors bound me to this property. I can't leave until I've fulfilled my promise.", I explained.

"Oh, wonderful." mumbled Finn, rolled his eyes and sighed. "I'm off. Your problem."  

I rolled with my eyes. Finn was definitely someone who was extremely annoying. I'd like to turn that jerk back into a human being. Maybe then he wouldn't be such an asshole anymore.

"So now we get to entertain the little witch and help her destroy our lives?" Niklaus asked and looked at his brothers.

"She's stuck here. Either way, she's not getting out of here. We can help her find a way back out. We owe it to her.", Elijah replied.

"You and your stupid honor feeling Elijah.", Niklaus rolled his eyes. Kol was completely silent and looked apathetic to the floor.

Silently I looked back and forth between the brothers. They were wildly arguing. As if I had chosen to be stuck here. I could think of at least a thousand things I would rather do than rot here on this property. Let's be realistic. Finding the cure for vampirism was very unrealistc. How many witches had tried and failed before me? Why should I of all people be able to find such a cure?

At some point I just turned around, annoyed, and left the three of them behind. I didn't care. So I need to help myself. I left the building and wandered around in the garden. Maybe I should call my parents first before I did anything else.

I looked for a quiet place and got my cell phone from my pocket. That would be fun for sure. I sat down in the grass and dialed my mother's contact. With trembling hands I held my cell phone to my ear.

"Y/N?", my mother answered the phone.

"Mommy.", I started crying as soon as I heard her voice.

"What happened?"

"I'm stuck here. Our ancestors tied me to the property and I am too weak to break the spell. I can't leave, mom.", I cried.

"Why? What happened Y/N?"

And then I told her about yesterday. About Esther and the Mikaelson siblings. About my promise and about Maila.

"Oh Y/N... "You've really screwed yourself, my love.", was the first thing my mother said.

I laughed and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"I know.", I replied.

"Good. I'll talk to our circle now and get back to you, okay? Don't be afraid, you are strong. You can stand up to them if you have to."

"I know, Mom. But I just want to go home."

"I know, honey, I know. I'll help you. We can do this."

"Thanks, Mom."

"See you later. Call you soon."

"See you later, Mom.”

She hung up and I took my phone from my ear and put it next to me. I took a deep breath and wiped my face. Only I could shit like that.

***

A little time passed and I was still bound to the Mikaelson property. And I hadn't really gotten any further with that either.

I had the spell that Esther cast back then. I knew what she had used and what she had bound the spell to, but it didn't really help me.

I didn't have an antidote or a removal spell.

Elijah helped me where he could. He would get me ingredients, talk to other witches, update my parents. I had made friends with him and he was the only one I trusted here. I had not seen Finn since he left on my first day here, which I was very happy about. Klaus avoided me and with Rebekah I had already made the one or other girls evening. I got along well with her, but I could not really trust her that much. She was too loyal to Klaus for that.

And Kol was a whole other situation. I could still feel this weird bond between us. It was like our souls were bound together in ways that made no sense. Why would a witch's soul be sired to a vampire's? Who would do such a thing?   Besides, soul spells were terribly complicated and hard spells. They always involved a great sacrifice. Who would willingly make that sacrifice? It was stupid. Anyone who cast a soul spell was just terribly stupid.

But today was my father's birthday and I was still stuck here. I couldn't be there and they couldn't get to me. I was bound to the property and my family was kept away. They couldn't even come close. I couldn't even see them through the barrier. Fortunately, there were other ways to see my family's faces. It was already dark and I was standing outside in the garden, one of my favorite places here. I held my mobile phone up to my face. My parents smiled into their camera and showed me everyone. It was nice to see everyone, but I just wanted to go home even more.

There had to be another way. My ancestors were little beasts, but they weren't thtat cruel. There was a loophole, there always was. I just had to find it.

After my parents and I hung up, I wandered around the garden a bit, helped some sick plants and just enjoying the fresh air.

But some time later I spotted Kol. He was standing in front of a flowerbed with an old type of flower. They were my favourite flowers and I often stood in front of the field myself.

I don't know what it was, but something drew me to him. I had a strong need to be near him.

Carefully I walked towards him and just stood next to him. That was enough for me, even if it did not calm this annoying desire.

Kol sighed when I came to stand next to him. He could feel it as well as I did.

"You are so different from her.", Kol sighed without looking at me. I knew immediately that he meant Maila.

"What do you mean?", I asked.

"You look like her. Everything about you looks like her, but your personality, what makes you who you are, is so different. She was quiet, withdrawn, good. But she could also rebel, stand up for what she felt was right, fight for what she loved."

I could do that too. Kol just hadn't seen it yet because he always avoided me.

"And you are so different. I can't describe it, but your whole personality is different."

"Is that bad?"

"No. It's just...", he didn't finish, instead he turned away from me and ran a few steps towards the house.

I could feel the soul spell right away. My heart immediately grew heavy and contracted in pain.

"Stupid soul spell.", I gasped and put my hand on my chest, right where my heart was sitting.

I looked at Kol. He had a posture similar to mine. Once you gave in, it was hard to take your distance again.

"You feel that too?", Kol asked and turned to me. Just the fact that he looked at me made my heart lighten again.

"Yes. I'm pretty sure it's a soul spell. Someone has bound our souls together so we can find each other again in every life."

"In every life?"

"There is more than just this Kol.", I smiled at him.

He just sighed and came one step closer. My heart became a little lighter again.

"There was nothing like this enchantment between Maila and me. It never felt that way between us. So why is it between the two of us like that?", Kol became angry.

His whole look and nature changed. He stood up straight, stuck out his chest and pulled his eyebrows together.

"I don't know. Soul spells require great sacrifice. Not many practice these spells."

And then it looked like a light was switched on. Like someone had found the last missing piece of the puzzle

"Of course.", he muttered and shook his head.

His posture loosened again. I relaxed, as well.

And then he just disappeared. Fucking vampire speed. But this time my heart didn't hurt. Kol had a different intention this time with his disappearance.

I waited a moment for him to return. He didn't come back.

Sighing, I turned around and looked into the field of flowers in front of me. No flower was like the other and that is why I loved this kind of flower so much. Every flower was different, unique, but somehow they were similar.

I wonder what kind of "enlightenment" Kol had before he left. I would probably never learn about it anyway.

But who the hell would link our souls together? Who would bind us together? Especially why?

And then it clicked for me as well and I wanted to kick my own ass. That I didn't think of it before.

#the vampire diaries imagine #the vampire diaries #the vampire diares imagines #the originals #the originals imagine #the originals imagines #kol mikaelson #kol mikaelson imagines #kol mikaelson imagine #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikealson imagine #klaus mikaelson #klaus imagine #First Love #lills pieces

[lisinfleur]

Mais uma pra série Poesia Brasileira pros Brazucas de plantão (E galera de Portugal também!) 

One more for the ones who like Brazillian PT music and poetry!

Free style translation:

Childish Song

It was a house not so funny Because of the lack of affection, it had nothing It had a roof, a pool, architect It just couldn't buy what was missing Well structured, sometimes full But even full, there was solitude The poet used to say: what is made of ego In the fool's street, causes frustration

Yeah, yeah, yeah Hmm, hmm, hmm Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Hmm, hmm, hmm

There was another house, a corner of the gueto Without asphalt on the street, out of the pattern Eternit (a kind of roof tile) perforated, small, narrow But if you want to come there is water for the beans (usually poor people in Brazil will put water in the black beans to make it thinner and increase it for more people to be able to eat). If Mengão (Flamengo Football Clube) will play, we can even parcel There will be meat, beer, soda and coal (material usual for a barbecue) The coins are counted, the energy always cut But faith wasn't missing, they had gratitude.

Yeah yeah yeah But it was so close to heaven Yeah yeah yeah But it was so close to heaven

How sweet was the dream there Even not having the best condition Everyone could sleep there Even with only one old mattress

But it was made with a lot of love But it was made with a lot of love

Life is a childish song It is, seriously, think, can you see? Beauties and beasts, castles and jails Princesses, Pinocchios, good guys and...

Yeah, I don't know if this is good or bad Someone tells me what in this world is real? The shooting on the school, the shirt on the clothesline The villain that is on the story or the one on the news? Tell me! Why the discoveries are lethal? The monsters became literal I used to play police and thief some time ago Now, nobody else plays It became too realist... The bullets became real, drilling Eternit To play we still want, but the blood stained the pike (catches) The end of the story is sad when the evil is not gone The boogeyman exists! Do not dare to play outside Because five little boys were out for a ride No drugs, no flagrant, no fucking disgrace The police triggered, pá pá pá pá (shot sounds) But no one, not a single one of them came back from there. There were more than a hundred shots in this story without a moral Directly from the bottom of the chaos I search for my docks in a world of dogs Humans are bad In the end, the evil results from the choice we have in our hands A childish song, for real But I'm sorry, old man, here the Beauty won't end up with the Beast Of course, here is everyone in its own space Crystal shoes step over the barefoot Rapunzel is beautiful, yes, with her dreads on the terrace But if the hare comes with a Juliet (a brand of expensive dark glasses) even the turtle quicken the pace. Why is it so hard to explain In the "ciranda, cirandinha" (Brazillian traditional childish song) the siren comes to "frame me" (a common way to express the police approach) Telling me to turn away without even explain From Costa Barros to Guadalupe (districts of the state of Rio de Janeiro in Brazil), a million of plots How can you explain to a child that safety makes you afraid? How do you explain that 80 shots were a mistake? (a reference to a crime where a black family was murdered with 80 shots and the military responsible said they have mistaken the car) 80 shots... 80 shots, man Carrousel of horrors, everything takes you as a hostage Reasons to cry even the ballerina has The beginning is already the end of the trail Even Alice realized it wasn't a wonder

There is something wrong with the world. Do not take your eyes out of the hourglass The human being is, in a summary, the cancer of the planet Society is sick and judges the color of the grimace God writes plans of peace, but he also gives us the pen And we? We write the life Iphones, the hunger, the dry The man, the drones, the envy, and the hurt The money, disputes, blood, and the trigger Cereals, mansions, condos, and guetos It's everything inside out, we failed in our cribs Our happy ending has to do with the beginning Only the beginning, only the beginning For planting to be free, the harvest is the price. Life is a childish song, see it for yourself We're Pinocchios, planting lies, and putting the blame on Gepetto We need to go back home...

Where it was made with a lot of love Where it was made with a lot of love

#br music #br poetry #rap #br portuguese #poetry

[iwouldratherprocrastinate]

Fantastic Isekai Pt 1

This is gonna be a long story so buckle up, I am open to requests in between updating my stories. I would love the inspiration. Please send me asks!

Word Count: 3833

It was just a normal day, at least that is what I kept telling myself. I got up and got ready for my boring fast food job. Deciding for forgo my contacts just for comfort, I wore my clunky old round glasses. 'I haven't worn these in ages..' Letting out a sigh, I put on my uniform and prepped my bag. I put my sketchbook, pencils, and laptop in it so that I could go to the park after work and unwind for a bit before heading home to study for school.

On my way down my stairs I slid halfway and fell on my ass, 'Greaaatt.. Awesome start to the day.' I should have known something was up after I then stubbed my toe on my kitchen counter and then also slid on my dogs water spill directly after. However my naive self just kept thinking that things were just not starting out well that day. Silly me.

Grabbing my keys I went to my car and started driving with all my work stuff and bag in tow, everyone around me seemed to be in a rush that day. So much so that I hadn't noticed the big truck speeding up behind me, 'Please just go around me..' You see, I am a nervous driver and tend to stick to the slow lane doing the speed limit. I think that is perfectly reasonable, but others tend to not and drive too close for comfort behind me. It makes my hands go all shaky and I can't help but keep peering at them in my rearview.

This particular time, the truck rode a tad too close, about a foot away from me. It had me glancing back every five seconds, this resulted in me not realizing there was a car turning into my lane in front of me. The other car definitely didn't have time to safely do so, but they didn't seem to care which resulted in my car going off the road. I don't remember much except the smash and abrupt stop at the end then nothing.

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That brings us up to speed as I now can't see anything except white and hear a loud booming voice, "Hello little one. I am sorry for that. I can offer you another chance at life?" I am still in shock and it takes me a moment to respond, "Another chance?? What happened to my first one?? Am I dead...?" The loud voice seemed almost simpathetic and sighed quietly before speaking, "Yes little one. I am so very sorry. Another world calls for you, if you will heed it."

I ponder for a moment, "Another world?" I say with an intrigued tone. The voice chuckles, "Always the curious one. Yes, another world. One you are familiar with. However, once you enter this world you lose all memories from this one. That includes any that pertain to your new world." Thinking about what this could mean gave me a headache. A new world, forgetting my old one. Sure I hated my job and day to day stuff, but I did have friends. They loved me and I them, I also had been going on dates with a guy I found interesting. Did I want to forget all of that?

The voice seemed to realize I needed a bit more persuading, "It is a certain wizarding world." My thoughts froze on the spot. "W-What?" My mind started racing with the possibilities. "Wait! Am I gonna be a wizard? Because you could tell me that and make me a muggle.." The voice chuckled loudly, "I wouldn't do that to you child. You will be a wizard. Although an older one." I nodded, "Okay then. I will do it." This amused the voice, "I thought you would need a bit more convincing, but you always prove me wrong. Good luck on your second chance little one." Suddenly black seemed to consume the white that blocked my vision.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I stumbled forward a bit to be caught by two warm arms and a chearful voice, "Be careful dear. Can't have you injuring yourself before you even get on the train." I opened my eyes to gaze on my mothers face. Only she was much younger, maybe in her mid twenties. She was so pretty, her honey blonde hair and blue eyes smiling along with her lips. Once my eyes took her form in, my mind felt fuzzy on why I thought of her being older. My mother had me rather young and with a muggle, her wizard family shunned her being pure bloods. Her hands grabbing mine and pushing my trolley snapped me out of my daze, "Come along dear. You first, then I will follow with your trolley." I turned and excitedly ran into the wall in between Platform 9 and 10.

Bursting through into the busy walkways that led to the train, I quickly jumped to the side to make room for my mother. As she came through I got distracted observing all the students with varying amounts of supplies and pets. I was always in love with animals, normal muggle ones along with the wizarding ones usually called beasts. I always thought that was a bit extreme for just magical animals, all animals have their instincts and habits even muggle ones. My mother led me along to the train door with my trolley before suddenly embracing me.

"Sweetie, remember everything I taught you. People may find out about who you are and the nastier ones may try to make you sad. Don't allow them, stand up for yourself dear." I nod along and clench a fist, "Don't let anyone push around me or those I care about." She nodded happily and smiled, her eyes almost seemed to tear up which confused me. My mother was never one to cry. She gave me one last hug and a kiss to the top of my head, "Go along hun, find a good seat and make loads of friends." As I got on the train, she waved and smiled.

Seems I got on just in time because the train jolted the second I sat down after getting my trunk away. I settled in and fetched out a sketchbook prepared to doodle some pictures of my dog at home. It was very dissapointing to learn I could have brought a cat, but not a dog.

However before I even put my pencil to the paper, I heard a commotion in the hallway outside my room. Peeking my head out the doors I saw a small girl struggling to pick up her books while some boys sneered at her, "Stupid mudblood, go back home. No one wants you here." She seemed close to tears as my body acted on its own and put myself between her and the boys. This effectively pushed them back, but also made them more mad. I glared and tried to look tough like mom taught me, "Back off." They laughed right in my face and smirked, "Who are you that you have the nerve to get in my way??" I just glared at them while internally shaking, 'Why did you do this?? You can't take on two boys by yourself! Idiot! Already getting trouble..' I decided to try and ignore them while helping the girl pick up her books. She seemed appreciative, however the main boy whose black hair and brown eyes gave him a striking look. He had a cruel glint to his eyes when he came up and shoved me into the girl. Our heads clacked together while him and his lacky chuckled walking off, "See ya losers."

Rubbing my forehead to ease the pain, I sent a smile the girls way and stuck out my hand to shake, "I'm Victoria. Friends call me Tori." She smiled and stood up with me holding half her books while I held the rest. "I am Isabelle." I instantly heard the Italian accent she had and grinned, "You are from Italy? Ihave always wanted to go there, but mom never had the money." Isabelle seemed happy to talk about her home while we made our way back into my train room. She settled across from me, but moved next to me when I started doodling.

"You draw? It is so realistic!" Her being so close triggered my anxiety a bit, but I allowed it seeing as she was my first friend. "Yeah, my mom taught me when I was young and I have been doing it ever since." I let her hold my sketchbook and glance through it, the entire time my hands shook from allowing someone besides my mom to see my drawings. Mom used to bring me out to parks and such to observe the normal muggle creatures, but also the rare magical beasts we could find. I have lots of drawings of bowtruckles, they were pretty common in the park we visited. My favorite was this tiny one that was practically all leaf, he had the stubbiest little body. There are many drawings of him in all his tiny glory. Isabelle found those to be very amusing and couldn't stop giggling the entire train ride to the school.

Although her laughing and quiet friendliness warmed me up and made me relax a bit, I was still shaking in my robes when we got off the train in our uniforms. The groundskeeper informed us that we could leave our trunks and pets on the train and they would bring them inside for us. I didn't trust leaving my owl by itself in it's cage, but he assured us all they would be safe. Before we followed him, I blew a kiss to my owl near the window. His black head peeking through it at me, his beautiful ornage patches on his forehead and cheeks. His big round black eyes looking curiously at me, little did I know he wasn't the only one looking at me curiously. A lanky taller boy with sandy ginger hair and an army of freckles was gazing my way.

Everyone's attention was pulled towards the waters edge when boats came up with no one rowing them. All the eyes gazing in wonder were shocked when told to get into them, I climbed into the one closest to me while extending my hand to Isabelle. She shyly took it and sat down next to me, the lanky boy climbed into ours as well. His eyes occasionally leaving the floor of the boat to glance at us. Isabelle was listening while I excitedly inspected the boat and wondered what spell made it move, "I hope we learn it eventually, this would make cleaning up after my pets so much easier!" She giggled while I fawned blushed realizing how I got a bit too excited about a boat of all things. "Heh. Sorry about that." I rubbed my neck and looked up to the castle. It was dark everywhere but the windows and it gave it such a fairy tale look. I had to urge to draw it, but that would have to wait for another time seeing as my sketchbook was in my trunk. Isabelle noticed the freckled boy staring every now and then, she nudged my side and motioned towards him wiht her eyes. My eyes followed hers and my eyes locked with his, "Hi! I'm Victoria. You can call me Tori though." He seemed shocked to get caught and blushed, "I'm Newt. P-Pleasure to meet you Tori."

The rest of the short ride went quietly, Newt seemed more quiet than Isabelle. That would have to change eventually, we can't have 3 awkward people. 'I will just have to make it up for them. I will get through it.' My mom personality was kicking in, whenever someone else was more uncomfortable than I it seemed I got instant courage. Isabelle seemed nervous as we approached the Great Hall, her hand hadn't left mine since we got inside the school. To be honest, it made me feel alot better as well.

The comfort was short lived getting placed right in front of the idiots from before when we filed into the Great Hall. Main idiot kept stepping on the back of my shoes to make me stumble, 'Little twat.. ' It only stopped once the professors were in sight. My mind instantly went to trying to guess which teacher taught which, however Headmaster Black soon cleared that up. He seemed like he wished to not be doing so though. His face showed an absolute disdain for being here. After all the introductions he finally took out the sorting hat, the famous sorting hat. The hat that I hoped would choose the proper house for me and me new friend Isabelle.

Some names I didn't pay attention to were called as I gazed around at the room and the starry sky on the ceiling. Everything magic amazed me due to my dad being a muggle and American, my mom didn't use it for most of my life. He unfortunately passed away and we moved back to the UK, I had a British accent thanks to my mom, but alot of my speaking was a mix of American slang and British.

I was knocked out of my trance suddenly by someone, well, knocking me over. It was idiots lacky, I barely managed to get up after he learned he was Slytherin. 'Big shocker..' I rolled my eyes and heard the next name, "Tobias Bennet." The main idiot came rushing past me, 'So his name is Tobias. Noted.' He seemed smug when he sat down and the hat barely had to touch his head to scream "Slytherin!" The Headmaster seemed pleased by the new additions, 'Gross.' Many more names later and they got to Isabelle, she seemed hesitant to go up when they called, "Isabelle Ferraro." I nudged her and she shuffled up and sat down, a few moments of having the hat on, it yelled "Ravenclaw!" I clapped while she nervously walked past me, touching my hand and went to the Ravenclaw tables. They all cheered for her, while they resumed the name calling.

I almost didn't hear the loud "Victoria Manning!" until I snapped out of it and jogged up quickly and sat down grinning from ear to ear. I had gotten good at hiding my anxiety over the years, it always worried my mom. So here I sat smiling to make it appear I was confident, when inside I was freaking out at the amount of eyes on me. I almost jumped when I heard a voice and no one seemed to react, 'Hello little one, you seem brave. However you are also extremely loyal and would do anything for your friends. Even partly wish to be in Ravenclaw.' The voice chuckled, 'I would, but that just wouldn't be a good fit for you, but I know what would. Hufflepuff!' It yelled out the last word to everyone which made me jump a bit and quickly get out of the attention when the hat was removed. The table full of cheerful yellow wearing students welcomed me happily while I glanced over at Isabelle who seemed dissapointed. All I could do was shrug and smile holding out my hand for an air five. She laughed and obliged me.

I perked up the second I heard a familiar sounding name, "Newton Scamander!" There was some quite a bit of cheering when he sat at the table. It almost seemed like he wanted to sit with me, but he was dragged over by some older looking boys talking about a "Theseus". I smiled watching him look panicked, 'He is kinda cute.' I blushed at my thought, 'What are you thinking Tori? You just met him, stop thinking about his blush and freckles.' I facepalmed and tried to focus on the Headmaster giving a small speech after all the students got sorted.

On the way to the Common Rooms, we passed the changing staircases, my mind started to get transfixed until I felt a gentle tug on the sleeve of my robe. My eyes darted to look at who pulled me and softened when they landed on Newt, he seemed incredibly nervous and dropped his hand when I looked his way. 'This poor boy. Everything seemed to make him nervous.' I giggled quietly and covered my mouth with my hand while following him and the Prefect leading the way. I tried a brave move and grabbed onto his robe sleeve, I figured holding his hand would be too forward for the timid boy. He didn't seem to mind too much, or at least he didn't mention that he did.

Once we arrived at the Common Room, I had gravitated closer to Newt seeing as it was in the basement. I had one arm bunched up to my chest as the other clung firmly to his sleeve. He seemed to radiate heat, 'Must be the blush.' I smiled noticing my theory was accurate, however my mouth hung open when the Prefect opened the door to the Common Room.

It was beautiful, plants everywhere, wooden circular decorations on the walls. A lovely couch set sat on a yellow patterned rug in front of a circular shaped fireplace. It was very lit and homey feeling for being in the basement, 'I got the right house. Sorry Isabelle..' I hadn't noticed my arm had wrapped around Newt's until he nudged me a bit and motioned to the girls splitting off. My face turned bright red as I let go and coughed smiling at him, "Oh yeah.. Uh see you later Newt." His face almost flushed and he nodded, "G-Goodnight Tori." Rushing off towards the girls, I realized I was alone now. No new friends to provide me comfort, however when we reached our assigned rooms I saw my owl next to a bed. "Bernard! I missed you pal!" My feet carried me over to open his cage and pet him while he jumped into my lap.

The other girls in my room all introduced themselves, 'Their names were Melissa, ummm Jennifer, and ahh what was the last one.' I had awful memory, 'AH! It is Lori!' They seemed friendly enough, being Hufflepuff and all. I missed Isabelle already though, but luckily I saw her at breakfast after getting my schedule. I of course as a first year and fellow Hufflepuff had all my classes with Newt, but I only had 4 with Isabelle. I sat with her at the end of the Ravenclaw table as breakfast wasn't too strict on keeping houses apart, comparing schedules. "I have Transfiguration, Charms, History of Magic, and Astronomy wiht you!" I said excitedly, she seemed pleased as well. Her smile was wide as there weren't too many people around, "Have you read any of your textbooks yet?"

Sheepishly I shook my head, "No... I was too busy saying goodbye to all my pets and deciding what to pack.." She giggled at my comment, "That's why you didn't get Ravenclaw. I can help you study to get ahead. I have read the first couple chapters of my books." My eyes widened in shock, 'I see why she got Ravenclaw.' I laughed as I felt a prescense behind me. Turning I groaned at the sight of Tobias, "Hey Toby, what do you want?" He didn't seem to like my nickname as he sneered and gave me a glare, "How about you mudbloods go back wherever it is you came from?"

I held back a snarl, "How about you stop using that word?" He chuckled and his lacky behind him gave a dumb laugh, 'I wonder if he understands this..' As I pondered their stupidity at not realizing I had a magical parent idiot decided to speak up again, "Clearly you feel a deep connection with it. Don't like hearing what you are?"

Rolling my eyes I stood up and got in his face while Isabelle grabbed my sleeve, "Let it go Tori.." She whispered and Tobias smirked, "Yeah Tori, let it go." If looks could kill, this kid would be dead four times over. "First of all, TOBY. I am a half blood, but that is irrelevant. You have no right to use that word or talk to my friend like that." He stepped back at the menacing tone of my voice, but kept running that dumb mouth of his. 'Seems like that's all daddy taught him how to do.'

"Doesn't matter, you have the stink of mudblood all over you. Watch your backs losers." I wasn't given the chance to retort as a teacher came over to see what was going on. Like the bitch he is, Tobias walked away before they got near us. Me being graced with full brunt of the lecture about how bad it was to fight with other students and how I should behave seeing as it is my first day. I just nodded along and took it, knowing full well I was gonna get lectured when I decided to stand up for Isabelle.

She just sat behind me, with a slight look of pride on her face. Obviously keeping her face down to not get an earful from the teacher too, damn smart Ravenclaws. Towards the end of the rant, I saw Newt in the distance behind the teacher. He seemed to be waiting for it to be over to approach. I collapsed onto the bench when the teacher walked away and breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank Merlin that's over." Isabelle started full blown laughing at me, "You don't think, I can almost see you being Griffondor!" I blushed and hung my head nudging her when I saw all the attention she was drawing. "Izzy! People are staring.." She immediately stopped and grinned, "Did you call me Izzy?" Nodding sheepishly in response, she hugged me abruptly, "I like that."

When she let go, she looked at her hands in her lap, "I haven't had many friends if you couldn't tell. Even in the normal muggle world I was left out alot." A determined look came across my face, "Well not anymore, you are stuck with me now." She laughed loud at that and smiled greatfully, "I'm glad." Newt came over after he felt like the mood had gone down and sat next to me, "What c-classes do you have Tori?" I laughed and shoulder bumped him, "The same as you silly. We are in the same house and year." His face flushed and he nodded looking at the ground, "Oh yeah. Forgot about that. Heh." He glanced up and met my eyes, immediately looking away again. I stared for a moment looking at his freckles, getting a bit lost in them until Isabelle grabbed my hand, "It is time for class, we have Transfiguration first. Let's go." Without thinking I grab Newt's hand and drag him along with Isabelle and I to start our first day at Hogwarts.

#newt scamander x reader #newt x you #newt x reader #newt scamander #rewrite #fantastic beasts #fantastic beats the crimes of grindelwald #fantastic beats and where to find them #fantastic beasts and where to find them #fantastic beasts and the crimes of grindelwald

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Careless

[lights fade in on a foyer set in the middle of the stage. Potted plants are on either side of the foot of a staircase, with entranceways leading off stage also on either side. The stairs are a dark polished wood with purple carpeting. There are obvious dark stains in the middle of the staircase taped off with yellow tape. A platform at the top of the stairs goes off to stage left and stage right. A small group of police men are gathered at the foot of the stairs, while the curious faces of servants peek out of the entranceways.

The lights also fade in on a parlor set stage right of the foyer set. There is old-looking furniture, a couch and two chairs, with coffee tables between the furniture. There is also a bookshelf full of expensive-looking, leather-bound books, and a piano in the corner with a bench and a basket of sheet music on the floor. Small knick-knacks and picture frames are knocked over on the coffee tables and floor, and one of the chairs is positioned out of place, as if it has been knocked over. Sitting on the couch is Oliver, Catherine, and Theo; in the chair is Edith, while Charles stands behind her; Dorothea is standing by the piano. John is kneeling on the floor with his hands cuffed behind his back, kept down by a police officer, while Detective Chambers stands beside him. Oliver, Catherine, Charles, Edith, Theo, and Dorothea are staring at Det. Chambers with varying degrees of shock, while Det. Chambers is solemnly professional.]

Det. Chambers. So you see, Mr. Burton, that is how it was done.

[Charles seems to buckle, and places his hand on the back of Edith’s chair. Edith covers her mouth, eyes wide.]

Oliver. I just can’t believe this... [gazes unrecognizingly at John] You would do this to your own family? Why? Felicity was your sister—

John. [glares at Oliver] Felicity was not my sister! Felicity was a careless liar who took what she wanted and left me nothing! And then... [glares spitefully at Charles] then she had the audacity to marry you, like I never existed. She knew you were my brother. But do you think she cared?

Charles. [advances angrily] How dare you say such things—!

John. I can and I will!

Det. Chambers. Mr. Burton, I would calm down if I were you. Mr. Burton here is going to get what he deserves. Take ‘im away, O’Malley. [the police officer forces John to his feet and hustles him out of the room]

[there is a beat of silence once he is gone. None of the Burtons are sure of what to say]

Theo. Well... this has certainly been a hell of a weekend.

Catherine. Theo!

Theo. Mother, we just found out Uncle John killed Aunt Felicity. You’re really going to lecture me on my language?

Det. Chambers. I understand how much of a shock this must be for all of you. Mr. Burton was an upstanding man by all accounts.

Dorothea. Detective Chambers?

Det. Chambers. Yes, Miss Burton?

Dorothea. Will we have to testify against Uncle John?

Det. Chambers. [after a brief pause] It may come to that, yes.

Catherine, imploringly. Isn’t there a way to prevent the children from testifying? Charles, you’re a lawyer. Do the children have to testify?

Charles. [he is gazing at the floor, but looks up when Catherine addresses him] I’m... I’m afraid I don’t know, Catherine.

Det. Chamber. Realistically, Mr. Burton’s trial won’t be for a couple months, at least. I’m sure that’ll be enough time for you all to recover from this terrible shock. For now, though, that about wraps up everything here.

Oliver. [stands and goes to shake his hand] Thank you for your service, Detective Chambers. If not for you... I’m not sure what would have happened.

Det. Chambers. It was my pleasure, Mr. Burton. I consider it my civic duty as a police officer.

[Oliver accompanies him out of the parlor, and Catherine rises to follow them. Charles stands still for a moment. His head has lowered back down. After a moment, he raises his head and heads for the door. Just before he leaves, he stops and looks back at Edith, Dorothea, and Theo]

Charles. I’ll... be in my room. Tell your mother and father I won’t be down for dinner.

[He turns and walks out, leaving the three alone. There is a period of silence where none of them speak. Edith looks down at the floor, twiddling her thumbs in her lap. Theo rests his elbows on his knees and presses his clasped hands to his mouth, appearing to be in thought. Dorothea crosses her arms, looks down at the floor. After a beat she begins to slowly pace behind the couch]

Edith. [notices her pacing and scoffs quietly] Stop pacing, Dorothea, it’s unbecoming.

Dorothea. Of course it is. Not that I’d know. You and Aunt Felicity always made that perfectly clear.

Theo. Not that it did her any good, in the end.

Edith. How can you say such a horrible thing?

Theo. Oh, stop being so high and mighty, Edith. We were all thinking it. I know Dorothea was.

Edith. I wasn’t! Aunt Felicity’s been murdered, stabbed in the back by a member of our own family!

Theo. Uncle John... [shakes his head] I just can’t believe it. He was always so nice... this is horrible. But there’s no way it wasn’t him. There always was something off about him.

Dorothea. Oh please, Theo. You were convinced a Commie did it because Aunt Felicity left the Communist Party. You were prepared to phone McCarthy and everything.

Theo. It was a good theory!

Dorothea. It was a crackpot theory.

Theo. Well, what about yours? You’re the one who thought Mrs. Gallagher did it. Why would kind old Mrs. Gallagher kill Aunt Felicity?

Dorothea. Don’t you remember dinner Friday night? Aunt Felicity was saying to Mother she could get us a better cook. And she wasn’t being very quiet about it.

Edith. Oh, stop it, both of you. Both your theories were bad. And it hardly makes a difference now.

Theo. Well at least we had theories. I seem to remember all you did was whine about how we couldn’t leave the house.

Edith. I had plans to meet Gladys and Marie! [slumps in her chair and crosses her arms, sulking] And now I can never leave the house again!

Theo. I thought you’d be happy you could finally leave the house.

Edith. Once this gets out, we’ll all pay for it! Uncle John’s probably going to be put away for life for this. And people are going to think we’re all just as insane as him. My life is ruined now!

Dorothea. [rolls her eyes] Of course that’s all you’re thinking about. I was beginning to get worried.

Theo. Relax, Edie. No one’s going to think we’re insane like Uncle John.

Edith. Yes, they will! Think about it, Theo; you might never be able to play football again! And then there’s my reputation! Everyone’s going to think of me as the niece of John Burton, the man who stabbed his sister-in-law! No one will ever talk to me again!

Dorothea. Quit your whining. You’ll be fine. And if not, then maybe that will be a good thing.

Edith. [sulks] Aunt Felicity would understand.

Dorothea. Well Aunt Felicity’s dead! And by the sounds of it, she might have even deserved it!

[Theo twists around to look at her in shock. Edith jumps to her feet]

Edith. How could you say something so horrible?! Aunt Felicity didn’t deserve to be murdered!

Dorothea. Maybe, but everything Uncle John said is true! Aunt Felicity was careless and selfish, and she always thought she was the queen of the world! Don’t even try to deny it, you both know it’s true!

Theo. But you really think she had it coming?

Dorothea. It’s obvious, isn’t it? You know the scandal; Aunt Lucille’s certainly gossiped about it enough. Aunt Felicity used to be with Uncle John, then suddenly leaves him and runs off with some car seller from Detroit. And then a year later, she marries Uncle Charles. I don’t think she even loved Uncle John at all! And I bet she just married Uncle Charles for his money.

Edith. Stop it! You’re a hateful beast, Dorothea! You don’t even care that Aunt Felicity’s been murdered! Theo, you think it’s horrible, don’t you?

[They both turn to Theo. Theo is unsure of how to answer]

Theo. Well... I do, I do think it’s horrible Uncle John killed her. But... maybe Dorothea’s right. Maybe if Aunt Felicity hadn’t treated Uncle John like that... maybe she would still be alive. [Edith gapes at him] Maybe! I don’t know!

Edith. How could you possibly believe Aunt Felicity deserved to die? Don’t you care about her at all?

Dorothea. Stop being so righteous, Edith. Just a minute ago you were more worried about your reputation! You don’t care Aunt Felicity’s dead, either!

Edith. I—of course I do! [but she sounds unconvincing]

Theo. [stands up] No, she’s right, Edith. This whole time, you’ve been worried about yourself, worrying your friends will leave you, worrying about your reputation—Dorothea’s right. You don’t care Aunt Felicity’s dead at all!

Edith. I-I—w-well... neither does Dorothea! [points accusingly at her] Admit it, you don’t care!

Dorothea. [pushes her finger away] Fine! I don’t care! Aunt Felicity was a gossiping, selfish, arrogant woman. She made it perfectly clear she never liked me, and I never liked her. [turns to Theo] Well, Theo? Do you care?

[Theo is silent, once again seeming unsure how to answer]

Theo. I... All right, fine! Even I saw how many people didn’t like Aunt Felicity. All she ever said to me was things about girls she knew that would be perfect for me to date. I... I don’t even want to date girls. But you’re right. I think it’s sad that Uncle John killed her, but I don’t care that she’s dead. [he and Dorothea round on Edith] Admit it, Edith. We both have. You don’t care that Aunt Felicity’s dead.

Edith. I-I... I don’t—Y-You’re... All right! I don’t care! [buries her face in her hands] I don’t care at all!

Dorothea. [crosses her arms] Why? She was always the nicest to you. She even said you were her favorite in front of us and all our cousins that one Christmas.

Edith. She was, but... but she would say things about me, right to my face. About how I was gaining weight, and how I was wearing the wrong dresses, and how I was doing my makeup wrong... but I never hated her for it! I always thought she was just telling me the truth! But you’re right. You’re both right. I don’t care that Aunt Felicity’s dead. I should, but I don’t!

[there is a long pause in which the three siblings look around at each other. None of them know what to make of each other]

Theo. So... we’re all agreed, then. None of us care that Aunt Felicity’s gone.

Dorothea. [nods] Yes.

Edith. [hesitates, then nods] Yes. [another, shorter pause] This can never leave this room. No one can know, understand? Not Mother, not Father... especially not Uncle Charles.

Theo. I won’t tell if you don’t.

Dorothea. I won’t tell... What about when we have to testify?

Theo. We’ll just... [shrugs] We just won’t bring it up, I guess. [another pause] I’ll... I’ll be in my room.

[Theo turns and leaves the parlor. He enters the foyer and goes up the stairs. He moves to the side to avoid the taped-off dark stains and for a moment stops and looks at them. Then he continues on, walking on the platform and exiting stage left]

[As he reaches the top of the stairs, Dorothea and Edith walk out of the parlor]

Dorothea. I’ll go tell Mother about Uncle Charles.

Edith, vaguely. All right.

Dorothea. [hesitates, then reaches out and awkwardly pats Edith’s shoulder] She was wrong, you know. Aunt Felicity. [wants to say more, but instead turns and climbs the stairs. Unlike Theo, when she moves to the side to pass the bloodstains, she doesn’t spare them a glance. She exits stage left]

[Edith is still for a moment, then turns and follows her. She stops at the bloodstains and looks at them, longer than Theo did. She bows her head, then continues up the stairs and exits stage right]

[Lights fade to black]

#careless #a one-act play written by me for my intro to theatre class #(I got an A on it btw) #i hope you guys enjoy it #I really liked writing it #and people in class seemed to like it when our professor read it aloud #plays #original play #theater #theatre #my writing #please tell me if this is good

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphires 69

Title & Song: The Boy I Love

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Word Count: 5000+

Summary: Gen takes a job with Tommy and Alfie, as always, sticks his nose into it. Coming to an agreement to put the bad blood between them to bed, Tommy gives Alfie and Gen a more official sort of job to do together.

Warnings/Tags: Language. Canon-typical violence. 

**Chapter song is The Boy I Love Is Up In The Gallery (very old song, don’t know the origin. It’s on Spotify.**

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.)

You give curt nods to the boys in the bakery, your feet moving fast towards Alfie's office.

"Does he have a spare moment Ollie?" you ask sweetly, a smile that's always relieved at your presence comes over the tall boys face.

"He does, go on in." he gives you a nod, going back to taking his pen to the papers.

You give a knock and open the door. "I'm looking for Mr. Solomons but you're far too handsome to be him." you giggle and shut the door behind you. "You've had your spring trim early, darling." you chirp, moving to him as he stands, his beard trimmed and tamed, his hair shorter on the sides, no longer the messy and unruly nest it had been.

"Gotta keep up wif you now don't I?" he says, leaning down to kiss you as you hold his cheeks.

"I do love you looking much like a beast but this version is unfairly handsome as well. Before I wanted to eat myself silly and hibernate with you and now I want you to take me out to a nice dinner and then make me be unladylike behind closed doors." you give him a giggle, your tongue peeking out from between your teeth.

"I can do both, love." he laughs as you scratch his face gently. "What do I owe the pleasure, pet?" he asks, his arms moving to wrap around your waist.

"I was on the way out of town. Wanted to see you before I left."

"Where ya goin'?" his brow lowers and he gives you an accusatory look.

"I have a job tonight, remember?"

"Ah. Yes." he nods slowly.

"Well at least I know you won't have me followed since you forgot." you laugh.

"Can't very well send me men after you if you don't tell me where ya goin'."

"Well it's a job, sweetheart, you know I don't tell you my paid work. Business confidentiality and all." you give him a shrug and kiss to his grumpy face. "I'll be home in the early morning I believe. So you can come over for afternoon tea and we'll spend some time together, yes?" you tilt your head up at him, trying to butter him up. Your hands run up and down his chest as you coo sweetly at him.

"I suppose I could come see ya. Workin' on Shabbat though." he tsks and grins.

"We've both done far worse." you wrinkle your nose affectionately at him. "I think I can be excused as it's money to put away for the wedding." you say with a bashful smile.

"Ya savin' up are ya?"

"I am." you nod. "I've been taking some extra jobs to give us a good nest egg to start with."

"I thought I was supposed to be the one supportin' you."

"We are untraditional and modern in our approach, Alfie. If I work hard, it'll only make us richer. You aren't expecting me to stay home and do nothing but wait to have babies are you?"

"'Course not, don't be daft, love. You'd never go for that. No matter if I wanted it or not." he grins and leans down to kiss you.

"Is that what you want?" you ask with a surprised tone in your voice.

"Not realistically no. But let an old man have his fantasies, eh?" he chuckles and kisses your cheek.

"I can play a good little wife and mum for you. Don't have to worry about that." you nuzzle into him. "I couldn't go about my regular criminal work while pregnant anyway, could I? So perhaps you'll get to live your fantasy for a bit, hmmm?"

"Comin' home to you in such a state is somefin I've given more thought to as of late." he speaks softly against your skin.

"Is it now?"

"Been puttin' together plans for an engagement, a wedding, gets a man thinkin' 'bout what might come after ya know."

"I do adore it when you speak of a future together." you hum contently. "And as much as I'd like to sit and fantasize with you I must be off, darling. Perhaps we'll indulge in it tomorrow night?" you say cheerfully, hands back to his face to swipe your thumbs across his cheeks.

"Gimmie a proper kiss before you leave now, pet." he playfully pouts and you laugh into the kiss you share before he pulls you close and runs his fingers through your hair.

"With kisses like that I may very well want to stay home and have you try to put a baby in me." you laugh and he gives you a charming grin. "I love you, darling. No need to worry, won't be in any danger tonight. So rest well and say hello to the pup for me. I'll see you both again soon."

"Not soon enough." he gives your bum a good squeeze and taps his finger to the tip of you nose. "Love you Genny Bee, you be safe, yeah? Don't take any shite from anyone."

"Do I ever?" you say with a confused tilt of your head before blowing him a kiss and giving him a wink before leaving.

Alfie sits back at his desk, putting his glasses back to his nose. "Give you lads enough time to find out where she's goin'?" he asks gruffly as Ollie walks into the room.

"You did." Ollie nods.

"Talk about marriage and babies with her and she'll titter on. Almost feel guilty for it. Too easy." he grins.

"Well, you do plan to-?" Ollie asks with concern.

"OF COURSE I FUCKIN' DO!" he shouts. "Don't be so bloody thick, lad. Not that it's any of your concern." he shakes his head, face looking disappointed. "So where's she goin'?" his voice returns to normal.

"A job in Birmingham, sir." Ollie informs him. Having one of the boys talk to your driver to find out where you were headed. He wouldn't have you followed without prior knowledge now, but he wasn't going to be left in the dark about where you were going.

"Fuckin' Birmingham?" he says with a snarled lip, looking over to the other man.

"Yes. A Shelby job apparently. She's off to the Garrison." he informs.

"Fuckin' Shelby's." he grumbles. "Don't trust 'em, mate. Don't fuckin' trust that Tommy." he shakes his head and rubs between his eyes.

"Should I ready the car for a trip to Birmingham sir?" Ollie says knowingly, hiding a smirk.

"Yeah. I ain't leavin' her in Tommy's hands. Don't care if he's a fuckin' member of Parliment now or not. Don't trust the lyin' gypsy. Give her time to get outta the city. Let me finish 'is and we'll go." he waves him away and returns to the contract he was looking over.

----------- Tommy had given you a call to do a quick kill in his hometown for him. He was a member of Parliment now and didn't want to get his hands dirty personally, even though he had personal qualms with the man. The man, as was all the men he asked you to kill for him, was known to hurt women. You perkily accepted, feeling like it'd been too long since you'd gotten to take down an abuser.

"Hello, darling." you say as you lean in to kiss his cheek before sliding to stand next to him in the back room of the Garrison. "Did the wife and baby get the gifts I sent?" you inquire when he gives you his signature subtle smile, the best you would get from Tommy.

"They did. Lizzie sends her thanks." he gives a slow nod looking out across the bar.

"So is this gentleman here?" you ask quietly, your hands clasped in front of you.

"He will be shortly. I knew some people who wanted to see you before you had to work and leave."

"Oh, who's that?"

He turns and gives you a smirk before turning his face back towards the door. "They'll be here in just a moment. If they are in fact on time." he gives a quick look to his watch. "It is nice to see you though, Gen." he gives a calm nod your way.

"I'm happy to see you as well. You look well." you motion to his pressed new suit. "Work and the new family suiting you it seems." you give him a sweet smile. You wanted to let him know you would never hold it against him for moving on from Grace. You would support Lizzie and Ruby just the same as you did him and Charlie while they were solo. You were happy Charlie got a little sister to care for, the boy was rather sweet and she should have a constant playmate.

"It's going just fine, Gen. I could ask the same of you." another smirk comes across his face.

"So you have heard then?" you say with a smirk that suggests the same.

"Everyone has."

"And anything you'd like to say now so I can work out my anger for your snide remarks later in the evening?" you joke.

"No." he presses his lips together, his face still calm and collected.

"That's all?  No?" you put one of your hands on your hip. "I pair off with one of the big scary London boys and that's all I get?" you chuckle.

"I did know it was bound to happen. You two living together and all that." his words are smooth and omniscient. "I did help you secure his trust if you recall."

"I do and thank you for that. It's helped ease my mind tremendously."

"You do look happy though." he finally shifts his eyes to meet yours, a more sincere look shared.

"I am happy."

"And that's all that matters, eh?" he quirks a brow.

"You know that is entirely not the truth."

He hums in amusement. "Good to see you still have your wits about you."

"I may love the stubborn beast but I am still very much aware of who I am as an individual and my place as a woman in this life we lead, Tommy."

"Reassuring, that." he gives you another nod. "So it's love now is it?" another smirk.

"Yes. We're in love." you say in a defensive but playful way. "No one was more surprised than I was about it." you huff out a laugh.

"And what of marriage?"

"We've discussed it and I'm waiting on him to ask formally. Seems I've rubbed off on him, says he wants to do it properly in a fashion I would approve of."

"Knows to keep his woman happy." he nods. "Perhaps there's hope for him yet." he grins and you see him raise his glass to someone across the room.

Before you're lifted in the air, triggering a squeal from you as you hear the deep throaty voice of Arthur making a happy roar as he squeezed you.

"GENNY! LOVE! I THOUGHT I'S NEVER TO SEE YA AGAIN!" he says sitting you down and moving you in for a proper hug.

"Hello my darling peach." you coo, patting his face and giving him a kiss to the cheek. "I didn't know you would be here!"

"We all try 'n come to the Garrison from time to time since Tommy's a big man now 'n all. Keep up appearances he says." he gives a nod as you straighten his jacket back.

"And you," you say with a big grin. "Did you get the gifts I sent for Esme and the new baby?" you ask as you wrap your arms around John's neck.

"We did, they send their thanks. As always." he says with a shake of his head. "Mrs. Solomons." he grins.

"I am not yet a Solomons. But it would seem I will in time. Don't jump the gun on that." you wag a finger at him and give him a scolding.

"I heard you two's been snuggled up like a couple 'a pups in his club. Snoggin' away and drinkin' wine. Who knew the old man had it in him to have a good time." Arthur laughs.

"Old man? You're the same age, Arthur." you snort out a laugh. "How would you like it if I started calling you old man?"

"I'd fuckin' agree!" he laughs.

"Well none of you look old in these new suits, I must say." you praise and they peacock a bit.

"Come with the new territory. Like fuckin' henchmen nowadays." John snorts and shoots a look to Tommy.

"So same as always?" you say with a sassy smile and they both grumble and smile at you.

"Heard you's here for work, sweetheart?" Arthur asks.

"I am."

"Anyfing I can help with?"

"No, this is a Shelby hands-off production I'm afraid. Just a little woman defending herself from a big drunk, handsy bloke." you say with a delicate delivery.

"Anyone that knows you knows 'ats a lie."

"Good thing I don't know anyone but you boys here then, hmmm?" you grin. --------

The man eventually shows and you sit and titter about and gossip with the boys, letting the man get good and drunk. Not only would it make fighting easier, but the more belligerent the man got the more your story would check out, and the higher the alcohol content in his system the faster he would bleed out. So it was win-win really. You got to catch up with your boys, getting to meet Michael who had been overseas and spend some time with Finn who hadn't been out on jobs as he'd been too young, but he seemed to be coming up nicely, despite the company he kept.

Once you had a moment alone with Tommy, you go out for some air, the smoke getting to you as you weren't accustomed to it, seeing as Alfie didn't allow his men to smoke in the bakery due to the explosive nature of the bread. You share a cigarette with Arthur, him making fun of your coughing but you wanted a boost before you offed this fellow.

"Do you recognize that car over there Arthur? Look but don't be obvious, please." you say taking a drag.

"They all bloody look alike anymore don't they?" he laughs, having a stretch and taking a look.

"Much smoother than I thought that was going to go." you snort.

"Oh fuck off, Genny I do have grace when I'm able."

"My apologies, dear." you grin.

"I don't recognize it. But the fellow has those little curls like your people dunnit he?"

"I noticed that as well." you say, passing the cigarette back to him. "Looks as if my misses might be in a spot of trouble with me if that's what I think it is." you say with an annoyed look on your face.

"Anyfing wrong? Need me to go run 'em off?"

"No, no." you shake your head. "Could be nothing. Don't know why any Jews would be here though. We don't own anything in this area. Smells like pig all the time too." you laugh. "We'll wait it out. I've got a job to do." you say with a  pat to his cheek and moving back inside the Garrison.

"Tommy." you call out calmly. "I might have visitors."

"Eh?" he says turning to face you.

"There is a car that is vaguely familiar and I see a Jewish gentleman in it outside. I do not recognize him but just in case they hear a ruckus and come in to help me, you can have someone at the door to hold them off."

"Why are they hear and why would they come in?" he asks with a low brow.

"Alfie has the tendency to have me followed so I don't get kidnapped or hurt."

"Smart man."

"I knew you'd say that. You two are alike in the most controlling, annoying sort of ways." you roll your eyes. "I'm assuming he found out I was here, although I didn't tell him as to avoid such a thing. But just in case..." you shrug. "I wanted to let you know. Could be nothing though." you say reassuringly.

"I know no other reason but you that there would be any of your people up here."

"Those were my thoughts as well. But I'm being transparent with you."

"Yes." he nods. "And what if it's Solomons himself eh? Come to save you from the devious Shelby?" he smirks.

"Oh hell," you grumble. "If it is perhaps I'll need you to do a bit of lying for me. An act of solidarity between us to ease his stubborn arse and suspicions?"

"How many bullets are in that gun of guilt of yours Genny?" he gives you a subtle smile.

"As many as it takes." you return the expression.

------------------

It was entirely easy for you to have the man come onto you. You removed your fur coat and let your red dress flash and catch his attention. The man was large and had drawn attention as you slapped away his big greasy paws as they tried to touch you. It went all as usual with these types, telling him to stop or you would defend yourself. Some crude comment on your appearance, wishing you would come at him. You warn him again, telling him he will not like what you will do to him. He ignores your words. You shout out that you are going to act in self-defense if he does not cease, and a handful of men around the pub look your way. Mostly drunk and slowly comprehending what was happening, not moving as their glazed eyes got distracted by your brightly colored appearance.

"Have it your way." you say, reaching back and grabbing a bottle, breaking it over his head, only to daze him. It would take a good bit of effort to finish off a man this big, but with his hands touching you and his crude words too near your face and too close to threats you let the knowledge of his previous harm to women fuel you and you take him down. Slashes about his face with the broken end of the bottle, before jabbing it into his neck and twisting, taking him down as you growl out declarations of vengeance for the women that couldn't fight back.

You stand, a splattering of blood across your face and you set the makeshift knife on the bar top where it's taken delicately by a barkeep who hands you a towel.

"Well then." you nod give a nod and take a deep breath, standing back up straight and looking out in the crowd of faces still in shock. "That's that." you say with a cheerful disposition and the crowd breaks out into messy applause. You laugh and see Arthur leading them on, clapping loudly.

"Show 'em no one fucks with ya Genny!" he hollers, and whoops, revving up the crowd.

"Fuckin' 'ave 'im lassie!" you hear loudly and take a little bow and curtsy that leads to whistles and you let out a charming laugh.

"Whayyyy!" men cheer as you sit perched on the bar, taking shots and getting high off attention and drunk off gin like the old days. It'd been so very long since you'd had this sort of male attention and you were feeling terribly nostalgic. The piano is playing and drinking songs are sung by the men, a glorious time was being had all around.

"Play the one I used to sing in the pubs with her!" you shout to Tommy. He knew exactly who and which you meant. A smile that reflects less sadness than it used to is shared between the two of you.

"The boy I love is up in the gallery." he says to the man at the piano, a nod as he sighs and takes a drink. He raises his glass to you and you do the same, handing it off to a random man close to you as you stand up on the bar top.

"I'm a young girl and I've just come over..." you begin with a big breath, eyes shut and singing loudly, feet walking across the bar with men looking up at you and you putting on a show. This moment of showmanship, lost so entirely in the attention of a crowd must've been why you didn't see Alfie walk in. The crowd doesn't pay him much mind, even though his wide hat and scowling, ready to be defensive face set him apart from everyone else.

He sees you and quirks a brow and huffs out a laugh. So much for you being in trouble, he thought. He could tell you were drunk, but you did have a lovely singing voice and he hadn't seen your face this certain kind of happy before. He sees Tommy from across the bar and gives a nod that they share, he then motions with his hand to you and Tommy shrugs, giving a smile.

As you spin to walk down the bartop facing the other way you open your eyes and see the boy you loved. "And amongst the boys I've got me a lover..." you say with a big bright smile that he has to work hard to not give back to you. He keeps a scolding face and you stay bright and cheery, walking over to the end of the bar closest to him and pointing and singing to him. He pretends to be annoyed, he wasn't used to this sort of behavior in you and even if you did look lovely and were being very doting he wasn't sure how to handle it. He was among men and had an image to keep up. But what sort of man would he be to ignore the affections of a woman like you? "The boy I love is looking now at me..." you bat your lashes and put your hand to your chest and laugh, making another walk back and forth, having to mind to stop singing due to his appearance. "The boy I love they call him a baker, but he is not a baker allow me to state." you give a big corny wink to him and you see Tommy hide a laugh into his glass as you change the words to the original to better suit him. You hear John and Arthur's laughs above the crowd, sat on a table in a booth that held an amused look Michael and Finn. "Alfie is a tradesman and he works in the borough..." you slide and spin, changing the name to his as he gives you his signature scowl, lip disappearing under his mustache. You continue the song, singing straight to Alfie who is giving you a side eye. "Now If I were a duchess and had lots of money, I'd give it to the boy that's gonna marry me." you tap the end of his nose and he swats your hand away as your nose wrinkles in a giddy and delighted expression. His scowl softening but lips still tight. "But I haven't got a penny so we live on love and kisses." you blow kisses his way and the man he's with is now chuckling and looking at his boss. You stand and sing dramatically the last lines, lifting your arms and belting it out, the men in the crowd now singing along. "I'm afraid the boy I love has come to break up the fun!" you say to the crowd who gives a playful and very drunken noise of disapproval.

"Come down ya mad, drunken little bird." Alfie gruffs, shaking his head and holding his hand out to you.

"Goodnight you lovely boys!" you say, moving to bow and slipping on some discarded liquor as you were about to step down. Alfie moves quickly and catches you, your wide eyes meeting his lovingly disapproving ones as the crowd shouts 'whhayyyyy!" in celebration again.

"My hero!" you giggle and wraps your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek and leaving lipstick on his face.

"Ridiculous." he grumbles, a small smile showing through as he carries you to the booth the Shelby's were sitting in.

Tommy holds back and watches Alfie with you, seeing him hide his adoration as you wiped the lips prints off his face with your bright and adoring eyes sparkling at him. He sees you truly did love him and he did you. He was touched for the briefest of moments. The music and singing in the bar not having been around since Grace, seeing you happy which was something his Grace had always wanted for you. He takes a deep breath before walking over to join you in the booth.

"Some fuckin' job 'is is, eh?" he says, holding your chin and examining the state of your eyes.

"She already did her part of the deal. I was letting the lass have her fun." Tommy says.

"I'm relieved she is not workin' as a showgirl for ya, yeah?" he says with pursed lips in his usual gruff delivery.

"You followed me up here you naughty boy!" you say patting his cheek.

"I did. Because 'a you doin' somefin fuckin' mad like 'is, love." he says obviously sighing and putting his arm around you as you snuggled up to him. "And because frankly, I don't know if I trust you, mate." he wags a finger at Tommy.

"Darling, you can."

"Can I? After what he tried to do to you?" he says looking down at your pouting face.

"Perhaps its time we came clean, Gen." Tommy says, looking over to you.

"Perhaps." you say sitting back up straight.

"What the fuck is 'is?" he grunts, his brow lowering and mouth frowning.

"I have known Gen longer than you, yeah? I feel protective over her in a way, as it is what Grace would've wanted," he says quietly, Alfie's face turns slightly confused at the mention of Tommy's deceased ex-wife. "I told her not to trust you," he states clearly. "For reasons, I'm sure you understand." he snarks.

"Yeah, and?" he gruffs out.

"So I suggested a plan to test your loyalty to her."

Alfie blinks. "Ya fuckin' wot?"

"I knew what your weakness would be if you were not to be trusted. So I played off of that and Gen agreed to it."

"I had to know if I could trust you, darling. Women don't get second chances in this line of work." you say, your eyes large and full of apologies.

He sighs and grits his teeth, looking back over to Tommy. "I told her I'd test you for her. As a means to make it up to her for losing the egg."

"He owed me." you say with a smirk to Tommy.

"I did. And I knew she was starting to like you, eh? I didn't want her getting hurt. In either business or a personal sense."

"Grace would've come back to haunt him if he let me get hurt I'm certain of it." you smile and sigh, fondly remembering her worry for your choices in lifestyle, particularly after she married Tommy.

"I'm not entirely sure you're wrong." he says with a nod before returning his eyes to Alfie.

"You 'n your gypsy nonsense." Alfie grumbles and you poke his side hard.

"I know you've held it against me. But I have some business that I'd like both of you to be involved with and I'd like to be able to put this misunderstanding behind us. As long as Gen is with you, I will be an ally to you, Alfie."

"And what if we aren't together?" he lifts his chin and narrows his eyes.

"Then we can go back to fucking each other over can't we?" he smiles with his eyes in response behind his gold-framed glasses.

Alfie grunts, his eyes narrowed in consideration, staring at Tommy who doesn't flinch until he turns his face to you. "You didn't trust me?" he asks, no hurt about it in his face.

"Would you have trusted you if you were me?" you ask with a tilt of your head and a press of your lips.

"Mmmph." he nods, continuing to stare at you.

"When I told you that night..." you lean in to whisper. "In the bathtub. I meant it. Because I knew I could. All that was true. I couldn't give myself over or open up to you fully until I knew the truth. Everyone was telling me not to trust you. And your track record is shit. Even you must admit that."

He nods and thumbs his nose.

"I have to protect myself as a woman and a business owner. As someone with a lot to lose. I couldn't have some man come in and make a fool of me. I'd never forgive myself. And I trust you now." you put your hand on his stomach and give him a look that you know to soften him. "I couldn't let a man take away all the rewards my hard work have given me. And you are not known for your loyalty, Alfie."

"I hear your reasons." he gruffs out, eyes moving across the table, showing uncertainty. "I'm not thrilled with your means of action but..." he shrugs and returns his face to yours. "We aren't alotted room for error. Especially not a woman." he agrees, lips tight.

"And I trust you now. I hope you trust me as well."

"I know." he answers simply. "Wouldn't be with you if I didn't, yeah?"  he raises his brows obviously. "You innit the only one with somefin to lose."

"That's why trust is so important." you say sweetly.

"And it was your doin'?" he turns to Tommy, his arched brow high and intimidation set face back.

"Yes." he nods once and keeps a straight face. "In the spirit of trust, I have some information I'd like to share with you both. If you're willing to hear it, Alfie."

"Alright." he picks at his beard. "I'm listenin'."

"Arthur." he motions his head to his brother who is standing by the archway to the room. He pulls the curtains to. "I can't tell you this in any official capacity. But I'm sure you've heard of the fascists trying to start their party and get footing here in Britain." he says with a quiet voice and serious face.

"Aye." Alfie nods, his voice cautious, you elect to nod in agreement.

"In Germany, as I'm sure you've heard, the Nazi party is gaining power and starting to reach out to like-minded individuals here. Teaming up with the fascists and trying to get power here under a different name, but the same sort of ideas."

"Aye." Alfie gruffs out, fully aware and as always full of thousands of years of rage for the mention of antisemitism.

"There is a man who is being a bit too public with his connections to Germany and the Nazi's for my, and many others in my positions liking. We cannot be linked to anything. As I'm sure you understand. But I thought you two, being who you were... might be interested in helping us out."

"Go on." Alfie groans.

"This man is trying to get in with Osley, and with the people already starting to make noise about him, we'd like to put an end to this so we only have to deal with Osley and not bring the Nazi's into it as well. We don't need Germany involved."

"I'd fuckin' say not." Alfie muses and shifts his weight.

"So would you be interested in sending a very, very clear message to this man and his supporters here in Britain?"

"How clear of a message?" you give him a smile.

"Painfully clear."

"Deadly clear?" Alfie grins.

"Painfully, bloody, deadly, no room for misunderstanding clear." Tommy speaks slowly and clearly. "I can give you men to help. I can give you everything you'll need to do it, all the information as to what club he owns and can tell you when his supporters will be there. I will have to give you that information at another time, as our inside men can only work as fast as the information is given. But I thought it suited to give two Jewish forces first shot at it."

"They'll be comin' after the gypsy's too ya know." Alfie says, lowering his chin.

"I am aware of that Alfie." Tommy says, sitting back in his seat. "But I believe they have been more vocal about your people."

He nods.

"So?" Tommy asks

You and Alfie both look at each other. "Wanna kill some fuckin' Nazi's love?" he grins, knowing the answer.

You turn to Tommy with a wicked smile. "Consider them already dead."

@fangirlfreakingout @jaegeeeeer @cosettewinchester @lookuptheskyisfalling-blog @brianaisasongbird @cry5t4l-w4rri0r @iliveonchocolateandnetflix @jess2464 @hardygal69 @thegarrisonpublichouse @a-flock-of-angry-pigeons @pootle @negansdirtygirl22 @musingsby-night@wtf-is-wrong-with-this @shine-dont-shadow @inkinterrupted @vale0413 @lafayettes-baguettes-1 @sxlomons @aphnxrising @emerald-bijou @elaenom @give-jack-a-lightsaber @anrm1 @ultrablackwidower @tinastarkandco @arrowswithwifi   @marvelgirl7 @they-are-not-just-stories   @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes

#Alfie Solomons #alfie solomons fic #Alfie Solomons x reader #alfie solomons fanfic #peaky blinders #alfie solomons angst #alfie solomons fluff #alfie solomons fan fiction #alfie solomons fanfiction #alfie solomons imagine #alfie solomons imagines #alfie solomons au #peaky blinders au #Tommy Shelby #alfie solomons x ofc #peaky blinders fic #peaky blinders fan fic #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fan fiction #tom hardy

[septembercfawkes]

Dealing with Your Dumb Ideas--Placeholders, Building Blocks, and Portrayals

If you are a creative, you are going to come up with some dumb ideas. I mean REALLY dumb. This doesn't mean you are stupid or not talented, it's simply part of the creative process. Some are placeholders until you get something better. Some are building blocks that will lead you to something great.

But it's a completely normal part of the process.

Unless you have tried to write a professional quality book, you may not appreciate just how many freaking choices a writer has to make. I mean TONS.

A novel is in some ways simply an accumulation of all those little choices.

I once voiced to someone how difficult it was to keep everything about my book in my head.

This person didn't believe me. "Of course you can. It's your book! You wrote it!"

Writing a book and reading a book is vastly different. The reader only sees the published product. The writer has all these scraps of past, present, and future ideas, dots that aren't yet connected, motives that aren't yet known, conflicts they haven't figured out how to solve--with multiple options and "alternative universes" for how the story can go. For every decision on paper, there could have been a dozen other options brainstormed.

You see, there are so many components to a good story that it's almost always impossible to have every single aspect figured out and brainstormed all at once. There are too many things! And one component affects how another functions, so if you change this, you have to consider how it affects that. And on and on.

A completed, polished, published work may fit entirely in your head, but a work-in-progress that is constantly in some kind of motion can often feel like an intellectual, unconnected mess.

Dumb ideas will come--simply because there is so much to brainstorm and make decisions about and components that affect one another, that you can't magically fit everything together the first time (or sometimes in your head for that matter).

I used to think there was no such thing as dumb ideas. I didn't believe in using the term.

Until I was editing my own story.

Guys, I had some really dumb ideas. REALLY dumb.

But here's where I think we get confused.

That doesn't mean I am dumb.

Remember, dumb ideas are a completely natural part of the process.

Weeks ago in a blog post about being gifted, I referred to this article on Mozart, which touched on something that had been living in the back of my head: dumb ideas.

In it, it has this quote from Seth Godin:

"The problem is that you can’t have good ideas unless you’re willing to generate a lot of bad ones … Someone asked me where I get all my good ideas, explaining that it takes him a month or two to come up with one and I seem to have more than that. I asked him how many bad ideas he has every month. He paused and said, 'none.' And there, you see, is the problem." – Seth Godin

As writers, when we sit down to brainstorm, the first things that come to mind will almost always be the most cliche. Why? Because we've seen them so many times! Of course they will be the first things that comes to mind! "Hmmm . . . what kind of tree should this be? Oh, an oak."--like all the other hundreds of trees in fiction are.

Some other lesser ideas happen because they connect dots and problems easily. They fix or add conflict in simplistic ways.  "Hmmm . . . I have this character that died before the story started. What did she die from? I know! A car crash!"--like all the other hundreds of other characters that are dead by the time the story starts.

The simplistic and cliche aren't always wrong. There are definitely times where you should use them. And sometimes they are even the best idea to use.

Some dumb ideas aren't either of these kinds, but simply concepts you didn't think through. BECAUSE REMEMBER HOW MANY THINGS YOU HAVE TO BRAINSTORM?

You may be focused on brainstorming a main component and come up with a dumb idea for a side effect issue that popped up unexpectedly.

I once met a Shakespeare scholar who stood and told us how amazing Shakespeare was because he wrote so fast that he didn't have time to think up character names in his early drafts. He told us this like it was something stunning.

Having worked in this industry for several years, let me tell you, Shakespeare was completely normal.

I mean, he was a genius.

But that part of his creative process was completely normal.

Because you don't brainstorm everything perfectly at once. Lots of writers stick in "placeholders" so they can get on with the story and figure out that stuff later. Just a few weeks ago, someone in the industry posted some dialogue where they had marked the speaker as like "dwarf guy #1" because they hadn't yet come up with a name.

In early drafts, I use some kind of placeholders all the time. Sometimes things that are even less than placeholders, like, "[insert a line a of setting description]"--because I haven't yet brainstormed the details of that setting or the contents of that line, and right now I'm focused on the plot.

Sometimes I use dumb ideas because I can't think of something better at the time that satisfies my needs. But because a WIP book is like a constant moving target, I have been shocked more than once how an idea that appears later in the story crops up and I can go back and replace my other crap with something brilliant.

Some of the dumb ideas that I worry so much about end up solving themselves through the process of writing a book, and I realize they were really placeholders until I found something better.

Other times, it's not so easy.

For one, you have to come up with some good ideas before putting pen to paper. If you write a whole book with largely dumb ideas, then it's going to be a beast to rewrite and edit. It's almost like you are starting over from scratch anyway and have all the same problems. You have to come up with some good stuff to get a solid draft started.

Sometimes in situations where dumb ideas aren't placeholders until something better comes along, they may be more like building blocks.

You might brainstorm them all out first, so you have to work your brain into coming up with something better and they don't keep swimming around in your head. But sometimes the dumb idea can be the seed that grows into something better. Maybe for some reason your protagonist is not turning to the police no matter how ridiculous, dangerous, or serious her conflicts have become. You might look at it and realize that this is stupid. Any coherent person would go to the police at this point. You either need to rewrite the story so that she does go to the police. Or brainstorm a believable reason she does not. Perhaps in the process of brainstorming the latter, you uncover a treasure chest of powerful motive, characterization, and worldbuilding that will take care of this problem and actually make the story better.

Thus, having that dumb idea actually ended up being a building block to something better.

One of the things that I think most of us writers pray for is that all our dumb ideas are taken care of by the time the book is published.

In some technical or complicated scenes, you may have a dumb idea that has emerged out of the darkness from the sidelines that you had not foreseen. Like anyone, I want to believe that we can always get rid of them, but in some situations, especially in later drafts, that might be rather difficult to do, as it might change a bunch of other things that connect in, in the process. It might not always be realistic to get rid of all of them.

Thankfully, motives and portrayal can go a long way to fix some problems. Some writers say you can get a character to do almost anything if you show the right motive. Other times the right portrayal--how that concept is rendered on the page--can go a long way. If you look at some of the concepts in Lord of the Rings, they might sound rather silly. Little people with hairy feet and huge appetites? Magical rings? But the portrayals take care of a lot of that. Another fantastic example is Guardians of the Galaxy. When the first movie was going to come out, a lot of people thought the concepts were ridiculous, or even dumb. A talking raccoon? A green lady? A giant tree that can only say the same three words? Man, that sounds dumb. But it was amazing! Why? Because of how the creators rendered those ideas. And I'll throw in Hamilton too, because most people who heard Miranda's concept thought it sounded dumb and ridiculous. But he had the vision for what many others called a dumb idea. He saw how to marry hip-hop and rap with the founding fathers.

Here's what's crazy about some of these things. Lord of the Rings, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Hamilton ended up all being pioneering. They changed their industries. The world was not the same after them. So sometimes what the vast majority may think sounds stupid (because they don't understand it or have never seen it before) turns out to be revolutionary. In each of those cases, the creator had the vision for what the story could become--and he knew how to portray it to make it work for audiences. Perhaps in that way, there aren't dumb ideas (concepts), only dumb portrayals and motives. Those are the dumb ideas.

Probably almost no one is saying Lord of the Rings, Guardians, and Hamilton are dumb now. (And yet the world just wants to keep remaking the same things instead of something new--which is what made these things great to begin with.)

So sometimes you can even run with something ridiculous and see how you can make it work for the masses, like Guardians.

And sometimes with stupid ideas, if you actually poke fun of them on the page, instead of taking yourself so seriously, you can make them entertaining. And/or you can validate the situation to the reader, which I've talked about before on here.

Just remember, there is no shortage of dumb ideas. And if you aren't coming up with some stupid ones, you are probably blind to your own creative process or too timid to face the rubbish head on to get to the good stuff.

#writing tips #writing tips and tricks #writing tip #writeblr #writing lesson #writing lessons #writing help #writing helps #writing advice #fanfic #fanfiction #novel #author #writer #editor #nanowrimo #writerblr #Guardians of the Galaxy #lord of the rings #hamilton

[mishaledddd-blog]

unreal relationship #4

Bowers was found near the front door; he stood in the middle of the living room, to Stan's surprise, leaving his shoes on the rug. This is… Pretty sweet of him. The guy smiled at his own thoughts, awkwardly waving his hand at his guest to follow him. Henry looked awkward surrounded by expensive furniture and tried once again not to touch this or that thing. This made Stan fall in love with him even more. He is incredible.

— In general, Henry, — upon arrival in the room, the curly donkey sacked onto the bed, getting down to business. His companion looked around in surprise, expecting to see in the room of a pedantic Jew the same as in the whole house. White empty walls and fragile vases, for example, but not the room of the average teenager at the height of the transitional age. — My parents don't believe that I have a boyfriend…

Henry folded his arms over his chest, looking at him with disdain and skepticism.

— Because you don't have it, I think.

— Yes, but they don’t know about it, and we just need to make them believe it, you know? And when I say this, I mean… — Stan buried a trembling hand in his curly dark hair, afraid to utter the following words and see the reaction of Henry. — I mean everything that lovers usually do, you know. They have to see… — He faltered again, swallowing the sticky drool of anticipation. — Our love.

Bowers did not look surprised and did not show disgust. Surely, when making a decision, he thought about it more than once, about his forced actions concerning Uris and those words that he would have to say to him in adults. How will look at him. So he just nodded in response, awaiting further explanation. Stan had enough of that; the lightening sigh he himself broke from his weathered lips and he even smiled. Next to Henry, his body was always tense, because this man didn’t fit into his world at all, you could expect anything from him, and it aroused all of nature. Henry was a wild beast, and Stan was just a stupid man who cherished the hope that he could tame him.

— In-in general, in front of them, we will hold hands and kiss.

— As you say.

Stan was even more surprised when he looked at Henry with his eyes wide open.

— But if anyone ever finds out about this, — he looked back at him threateningly and the guy was relieved to understand that Henry was still the same, he just really wanted money. — To your end, loser, you know that I'm not joking.

He came up to Uris inadmissibly close, so much so that he could even feel warm, heavy breathing on his cheek with the smell of cigarettes and Juicy Fruit. His strong hands forced the mattress to bend with a creak, he did not take a warning look from Stan, who had become frozen by such unexpected contact, and then he grinned altogether, recoiling.

— If you are going to play a couple that have been together for quite a long time, shouldn't you be more cold? Or do you just like me?

— Not at all, — Stan immediately waved his hands often, feeling the blood inside boil with adrenaline and excitement. — It's even better, right? Parents should see my sincere feelings… And yours too.

— Yes, yes, I will work on my loving look at the mirror, of course, all for the sake of money.

— How much did Richie promise you? — Stan asked suddenly. His family was quite rich and he could pay any price, however, Bowers answer did not explain this to him.

— Not so much. Consider that I do it for free, it will cost you nothing.

For some reason, the brown-haired looked at the same time a little sad. However, not only Stan had the ability to change masks like gloves, and Henry immediately pretended that everything was in order. Stan was not sure that he could ask him about his state of health, because they are not friends, but rather former school enemies, but this still has weight. A heavy, even weary sigh itself escaped from the lips. They still had a lot of work and he was not sure that three days would be enough, because to communicate with Henry, even despite his agreement and willingness to cooperate, it was still difficult. His heart… «Created all sorts of garbage and threatened to arrange for him to meet with death ahead of time», strictly speaking.

— In this case! — he got up from a soft bed, embarking on confused looking around the room in search of the right. A drawing album, old and with several yellowed pages, has served him for many years. There were many drawings of birds, and just nature in general. Henry himself, without noticing it, looked first at the graceful lines of drawings, although he had not been interested in art before, and then at Uris's beautiful hands. His long fingers took a pencil and began to draw a plan of action. — I’m sure my father heard about you. No offense, but we will have to try to be accepted… — Stan muttered something quietly under his breath, so the guy with the earring in his ear had to sit next to him and bend down to his face almost closely. — Are there any provocative questions? Let's invent a beautiful, but realistic love story. We find out each other's interests… — when Stan lifted his head slightly to ask Henry about something, he was frightened to see his face so close to his. Again. — Discuss the scope of what is permitted.

— The framework of what is permitted is good.

However, the bully was not in a hurry to move away. He liked to see the confusion on the face of the usually calm and unshakable Uris. A guy from a good Jewish family who, it turns out, has dirty thoughts about people of his own sex. Surprisingly, in the modest opinion of Bowers, but definitely nice. He had his reasons for thinking that. Stan was embarrassed and fell out of bed due to the awkward movement, although usually he was just an example of confidence. He, red and disheveled, got up from his seat and brushed off his pants, as if there could be rubbish at all. This is his room, after all.

Henry grinned at that, feeling the heat in his chest. Yes, such Stan is unusual, more homely and absolutely exactly cute, he liked. He immediately tried to stop thinking about it. His goal is to simply do what is required and get the money, it's not even a pleasant pastime. Totally.

— I think you should come to work with me tomorrow. There we will be able to discuss everything, it’s just that the time is already late and I’m tired — Stan, clinging awkwardly to the castle, was looking for reasons to stay alone and calm down, because Henry Bowers along with his strong hands and pleasant smell should not be, made him worry. — It would be better if my parents did not see you. Mom now cleans the pantry, and the father is in the office in the morning, so you need to be careful

Bowers got up after him, looking the guy from head to toe. Standing in the middle of his own room, he suddenly seemed small and frightened. Henry would feel like a real bastard, not noticing it and staying here. He nodded shortly, looking away to the side and noticing the window, which could not be seen from behind the curtains that matched the color of the wallpaper. It was not so high, and besides, a tall tree growing nearby gave him a strange, but interesting in its riskiness, idea. Without further ado, he began to open the window, followed by the panicked look of the room owner and his questions. The window sill met his hooligan ass with cold. Before barefoot touched the rough bark of the tree, Henry looked over Stan with a grin. Devils danced in his gaze.

— Go out the door and give me my shoes, be so kind, — with these words, without any grace, he tried as carefully as possible to jump from the branch to the next, and then to the soft, slightly damp grass. Stan was anxiously watching this action, and when gray eyes glared at him in response, he hurriedly retreated into the room. His heart was beating loudly in his chest and with each of his blow Stan's world was crumbling to pieces due to the awareness of his own feelings. He was a smart guy, but right now he was simply a standard of idiocy. As carefully as possible, he went downstairs, bypassing the living room and empty corridors. Thank God, no one ever found out about the arrival of Henry Bowers.

— Here, — Stan handed over his faded sneakers to the above, thinking that he would definitely buy him a new guy, albeit unreal. He can not let this handsome look in front of older Uris, as if a ragged from the street, but that is exactly what Henry was.

By the way, he looked like he didn’t want to leave at all — he looked at his former classmate with an unreadable look. On one side, Stan understood him because quite a lot of time had passed since Richie arrived; it was noticeably darker and cold in the street, but before he could say anything, Bowers fell from his stupor. He grunted something quietly, and then awkwardly pulled on his sneakers.

— I'll come closer to dinner when the break starts at work, — hearing this, Stan glanced at him blankly, with a little respect. — What? You didn’t think that one of them is so correct and you are running around looking for money, jewish ass?

Stan chose to leave the appeal to himself unnoticed, silently radiating waves of interest.

— I'm fixing the car. Well, you know, poking around in the engines and maraya hands in engine oil. It fits me.

Perhaps this is true. In any case, only with one view of sweaty, half-naked Henry, who strains his muscles in order to tighten some part, Stan’s whole body trembled. He blushed more and more, as his thoughts became more and more frank and cheeky, and when he came to himself, he realized that he was left standing on the street completely alone. The singing of crickets and the chattering of cicadas tore the silence of the night as he slowly realized one thing. Henry Bowers does not know the address of his work, and Uris himself forgot to tell him about it. Fuck.

#it #it 2017 #henry bowers #bowers gang #stan uris #stanry

[commonalex]

Venus 3000

Definitely not my day. Either it will be my phone not ringing, either the ship getting slow as fuck to the platform or even Emily as I see her (and she sees that I see her) right before I was skipping line from a mexican dude for a sandwich. And neither did I get a nod nor a sandwich. Fuck.

I don't know why I said hi, I surely wasn't at my best and she didn't look too ok with it. I could pretend to study these ugly backs of the seats in front of me or keep on looking at the Pacific from my window while she was passing to seat at the first class. Sure, I could. But I was itching to learn why and how she justs appears here and just sits along with the richie rich folk. If only this notification for email and this nervous air hostess nagging about turning off out devices didn't hold me back from asking her on the spot.

"A reminder.

Make sure to fix your attitude and send some content, some good content this time, or we'll have problems to solve. Patience only lasts that long.

Sam, Assistant Manager."

Ah, simple, straight to the point and obnoxious Sam-the-assistant-manager as always, which she thinks she rules the world now that every serious person took a week of for the summer and she's left behind. I don't quite blame her, but she was asking me to reportabout local brunch restaurants and sunscreens just for the ads, only to get me to fly to Venus because Tyler got sickand all that crap.

Venus is just a dusty volleyball from the window when we get awaken by the stuff. Dunno if that's a tradition or not, but the pilot seemed to think that it was a good idea to sing happy birthday to each passenger that had birthday during the three month flight. It really was a good idea since I barely forgot Emily's birthday. I get myself around the seatbelts and get right back to them after the air hostess gives me the side eye. I take a minute to think about this and I see that i'ts kinda tricky to just play friends with her, so I stick to my shit. I take a look at my seat personal notifications to see what I missed. My sister's cat my only casualty. Pretty good if you compare that to the others beside me crying their eyes out for their loved ones that turned out less alive than expected. I guess I got pretty lucky. For a bit.

Cause this yuppie next to me takes his chance at starting a conversation with me about his newborn grandchild and as I'm known to enjoy this type of junk I tolerate this quirky little video of his daughter giving birth feeling physically disturbed. So disturbed I look away constantly, till I catch Emily in tears going to the bathroom of the first class (which is right in front of our class). I get closer to ask her what's wrong, only to get a cold shoulder. And I don't know what fucked me up the most, her attitude or this cringy video being almost twenty minutes long and me not having enough balls to tell him to stop it.

The pilot and his amazing texan accent wish us a nice stay at the colonies, thanking us for using Venus 3000 (yeah, wow) while I try to shut my helmet until the 'click'. We get out around this orange fog with some beacons shining in rhythm from far away. The reception authorities takes each one of us by the hand like babies until we get used to the different pressure. I take off my helmet first and try to communicate with this nice lady that holds me like her nephew about the distance from the hotel. I'm tired as hell and ready to sleep to my death.

I wake up from another notification from Sam-the-assistant-manager, underlying her previous nice words and sending me the schedule that I have to follow. If I can manage my time right, I could even get a second to pee between all those events, interviews and tryouts to get some footage (since the colonies authorities, for a reason I didn't quite get, were too willing to look for photos or videos you took during your time here, something that makes me understand what really got Tyler sick). But I shouldn't complain. It's only ten days and I got through the first one.

I get down, take just three bits and flee asking the reception about the Virtual Plaza where my appointment with the summer deputy head of the souther colony waits for me. I take the train get blown away by the ride. This so goddamn blue sky with small orange scratches from the dome, those weird asymmetrical buildings, those huge statues and columns resting on a never ending grass field and this coast. Yeah, coast as like sea (well, it's a big realistic pool, but still). I'm legit shook like the other passengers inside the train.

Somewhat irritated but gentle enough to not show it that much, Stephen Wang welcomes me with his uptight gestures and slick but uncomfortable warm suit (the colonies are always quite hot and summery). He looks a bit cold and all, but I get around him easily. Asking for some pics and then some answers to standard questions that no one gets uncomfortable with (about how he got here, how he feels, what the hell are the americans trying to build in this place along with these weird security measures) except for his security beast that checks my camera for footage and carries Stephen back to his car.

I walk around Virtual Plaza and see several kids bouncing around, playing with the slightly tweaked gravity in front of their disgustingly rich parents. Next to them some plain tourists playing with their drinks (it's too early for that) and a whole group of other tourists walking to the beach. I follow them creepily (they are in their swimsuits and I'm full clothed with a camera around my neck, just so everyone can get a bit uncomfortable) to this (close to a mile wide) shore where I let water touch my naked feet. It takes time to grasp what I really touch and/or feel.

Tired as hell, I return to the hotel to eat for the noon, getting several Venus facts from the speakers (couldn't give less of a fuck about them, though). And there she is once again, Emily, standing at the bar looking absolutely gorgeous, wearing something that costs like three times my salary. I get noticed, I smile at her, she smiles back and I decide to get to her while a old and bald penguin dude takes her by her hand for a spin. Not really hungry after that. I'm walking to the elevator with her quietly closing in. I look at her by accidentand see the same bitterness in her eyes, just like then before the take off.

Sleeping is not so easy on Venus. They tried all they could to simulate earth-like conditions (like day and night scheduling etc.), but that can't stop my biological clock from going nuts. So I fill my nights by looking at old convos with Emily as I deliberately avoiding her for the rest of the day. As for the work stuff, I managed to convince Sam that the communication delays are a pain in the ass and I can't send daily reports to get away with them. Sometimes I go for long night time walks, but those irish students looking for trouble and those faux cops that caught me filming the artificial forest the other day restrict me from enjoying anything but my room's satellite tv.

Days get so dry, dull and empty, too. When I don't have to ask the exact same things to weird army guys and Elon Musk wannabees, I need to listen at tiring speeches that all end up in how advanced and cool and hip this test is not only for humanity, but every form of life back to Earth. From top notch scientists and disgustingly rich white people to stupid youtubers and Robbie Williams (not kidding), all those people came exclusively to praise this initiative of the western world that officially puts the tombstone on the soviets after nearly ninety years of competition (not that it was that hard in the first place).

It only took a couple walks for me to see what those colonies had to offer me. All of those bright white columns, weird looking hotels and disturbingly tall palm trees just seem unpolished and lazy to me. Sand's just grated rocks, the sea smells like a chemistry lab, the food is processed to death and even the temperature gets a bit weird sometimes. The colonies are nothing more than huge hotel facilities, sprawling sparsely over a small island that floats in a large swimming pool. I'm fed up hearing about the hope of the future that starts herewhen I see old, pale fucks keeping on eating foie gras and using oil. This whole project is an ad that targets only the Kylie Jenners of this world that have a daily life of eating, sleeping and swimming in cash.

Sam-the-assistant-manager sure begs for these kind of reviews, but I'm risking my head for her. I only send her a draft without a slump of criticism, because I don't want any of those faux cops fucking with me just for writing bad things for them.

Three days before my flight, Stephen Wang drags me with his nerdy hands for another tour around the colonies. Oh look, art exhibitions, dance festivals, Robbie Williams (I needed this second time to make sure it was really him), even a luxurious cruise with a boat that smells just like burnt plastic. All slapping newand moderninside their names. All getting more and more random in my eyes. Wang clearly sees my disappointment and becomes troubled. He asks me if everything's fine, I respond with yeap, why notand not one second later I just leave my breakfast inches from the stern of the boat. So many days I spent here, and I only got to succeed in making a successful thirty year old career man lose his shit and getting nauseous from a pool. A fucking swimming pool.

Two days before my flight, my article looks like it's never gonna make it, especially with Sam's moaning about me giving away my hidden footage to Wang as an act of goodwill to the poor guy. I could finish the article regardless, but my mind starts to fade away. I spend more time looking at the forest from the window of my room than typing. It's already dark when a knock on the door kills my boredom. Emily knows me well enough to put aside my difficulty at finding something to say, dragging me to the beach with this cute rudeness that only she can pull off.

-You can be really mean if you want to

What can you say to her when she's one hundred percent right? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

-It's really hard for me to deal with your presence anymore, Emily. Try to understand me.

-Still, I don't deserve this kind of behavior;

-I know. And as far as you should know, I'm glad I found you here

-Really?

Really. But...

-But I don't quite prefer I found you here. It's not good for me to see you after all this times. I don't know how I could make this sound less douchey, but it is what it is.

I'm holding her hand to make her stay. She tries really hard not to hit me.

-You're making it so damn hard to trust you, you know that? I know you for so long and I still can't figure out if you crack jokes or turn serious.

I have a really hard time figuring this out myself, as well.

-I'm serious. It bugs me to act like nothing happened and this bald fuck touching you doesn't make it easier for me.

-You didn't seem to have this problem before, right? Let me remind you that it was you that didn't want to commit. What changed?

-Nothing

-You want it your way, as always

-Just like you, right? Only difference I have to wait for you to decide what exactly you want from me

-You're so bitter

-I'm in love

I can't stand fighting with her. She can't stand fighting with me. That's why we slow down a bit. We get cautious at our words now, we're testing each other's defences to avoid getting hurt.

-John passed away

-I'm really sor-

-No. No you are not. It's ok I guess, but I spent so much time with him and it got to me pretty hard

-You are wrong, I'm not that petty

-I was hunting you down for so many days to talk to you. You were hiding from me

It's difficult to make myself look more stupid.

-How you got here?

-John's health went south and he didn't want me to see him like this. It was something like a last gift from him.

-So you got this penguin to comfort you

-Please. Please don't make me regret my decision to talk to you. Please. I needed you in my life so damn much

I hate her for doing this. Not because she does it deliberately, but because it works. Most of the time.

-I think we have to stop having any type of contact, Emily. We can't do this anymore, can we?

I believe in what I say, I know I do, but it feels wrong actually saying, if that makes sense.

-You can't make it so damn easy to me. You just can't

-What do you mean?

-I do not intend to come back. I'm gonna stay here. Not coming back, like at all. You understand?

Oh I understand all right.

Just one day before my flight, I'm buried by the bed sheets and Emily. She plays with my hair and I lock myself on her as the purple dome turns to morning blue. Everything seems so right and wrong. Only this time there's no husband getting between us, just me feeling read to fall right off the window.

-Do not forget me, ok? I know I wont

And that's my soul being smashed to million pieces.

I greet her being super dazed, no idea why. My mouth is dry from the stress, the joy, the exhaustion and I can't help but puke inside the (empty, luckily) elevator. I'm sick, like legit sick. So sick that I lock myself back to my room ust to cry for god knows how long, only to get stopped by Sam. Where's the article, up your ass you fucking moron. I only got ten hours to get my head straight and there's no time for your dumb shit.

It is the same old lady who took me by the hand on my arrival that awaits with a big smile. I try to smile back but my lips are not responding. I could swear she almost pushes me to the plane, before I catch myself dragging my steps like a child. I get my helmet off to let me guilts breathe, trying to figure out how big I fucked up, how much of a coward I am for running away or how dumb I was for thinking about staying for her.

My condition's only getting worse. My ears are ringing as the passengers are sitting around me. They are somehow trapping me and I try to squeeze my eyelids until everything gets blurred so I can't understand much of what's going on and my plan's working pretty well until this australian chick shouts at the air hostess because I give her the creeps. I get up and get to the bathroom. I splash my face, look at my reflection, get disgusted, vomit and get out even more dazed than before.

A couple hundred of old ladies are staring at me with their either frighten eyes, waiting to see just where will I collapse. Unfortunately for them, Emily picks me up and sits me back down. Emily. Emily got a ticket and leaves. She leaves. She changed her mind and she leaves. With me.

-Be careful now, You all right?

-Emily, I think I love y-

-What?

Her face freezes, like I said something wrong to her. Her cheeks lose all of their color, those markings on her neck disappear, her long hair get more and more grey. I'm panicking, what the fuck is going on? Why is she like that? What did I do?

Nothing. I did nothing. It took a minute to get back to normal but here I am, stuck in my seat before sleeping, feeling the need to dig a hole on the floor and jump inside. Because it wasn't her.

It wasn't her.

It wasn't her.

[spirituallyyours]

Lucid Dreaming

The Following Post Is Written From My Personal Studies And Experiences

What Is Lucid Dreaming?

”A lucid dream is a dream during which the dreamer is aware that they are dreaming. During lucid dreaming, the dreamer may be able to have some control over the dream characters, narrative, and environment.” -Wikipedia's entry on Lucid Dreaming.

Lucid Dreaming is a fascinating phenomenon. When you sleep, your brain is still working out problems and thoughts and trying to process things. It's reflected in our dreams with symbolism. Like, the most common dream theme I run into is bathrooms without stall doors or with doors that are way too high. When you are aware you are dreaming, you get some control of your thoughts. You are able to change things around, will yourself to have or perform skills or abilities.

Below, if you are curious, are my thoughts and experiences with Lucid Dream.

How To Have A Lucid Dream?

The only book I ever read on Lucid Dreaming was 'The Art of Dreaming' by Carlos Castaneda. In it, he has many methods that he had to use to reach that state. My own are... a bit different. A friend is borrowing that book right now to read it for themselves so I cannot use that as a reference for this next portion of the post. I only have my personal tips to share.

I find that to Lucid Dream, you have to have a few things:

Confidence

Determination

A Questioning Manner

The Ability to Reach REM Sleep

Your mind will react to confidence when you are asleep. If you are confident without a doubt that something will happen, then it will cause your mind shares that confidence. If you do something, unsure of it working, then that doubt will make it weaker and harder for your brain to follow. In example, I tried to make someone catch on fire in my dream, but I couldn't do the spell cause I was raised that magic was against God. This ended up with me yelling at the guy like a kid playing pretend on a playground that he was on fire and had to play dead. That worked, but the fireball itself did not.

Having determination in Lucid Dreaming is key as it will take a few tries. There will be times where you'll realize you are dreaming much too late. Other times, you won't be confident enough in your ability to control what you are dreaming, that nothing seems to work. The key is to keep trying, and practicing until you have a strong hold on it.

If you are constantly questioning something, be it if you are awake or asleep, if that makes sense or not, or how you got to where you are then that will help you realize that you are dreaming much faster. The first step to Lucid Dreaming is to realize that you are, in fact, dreaming. You can't come to that realization if you don't question things instead of simply accepting them as fact.

You have your strongest and most vivid dreams in REM sleep. Sure you, you can dream in the other stages but this is the strongest point of dreaming. I have sleep apnea so I don't have these dreams as often as I did when I was little... and also, stress, depression, medication, and insomnia from life events but... nuance. If you can reach this stage, you are more likely to remember your dreams, thus to be able to interact with them.

Why Have A Lucid Dream?

That's a great question: what does it matter? Well I mean aside from having the coolest dreaming experiences, giving yourself direct control to think about and address a problem that may be bothering you in your waking hours, or the ability to live life as you have always wanted to while safely being able to do so: MAGIC!

I have spent a lot of time when I do have a chance to lucid dream with all my mental barriers, trying to cast magic from my mind. In that time, it is the purest connection I feel to being spiritual. I can summon the tools I need or the scenery that I want. I once took myself from a strange dream about work into an A-Frame house attic room to cast a spell to find a job. I got a job shortly after at a liquor store. Granted, I ended up quitting cause of personal comfort problems but it had worked for what I wanted: a job for the time being.

I have attempted other spells that I would like to count on the successful side. Some were wild and outlandish and didn't work cause I was in the hype of the dream, riding that feeling that I had unlimited power (and trust me, it gets to the point where it feels like you can't be stopped). Call for your spirit guide or spirit animal, try to manifest images from your past life, or even just call to the spirits of love ones you miss. Or, go full nerd like I did and try to make the ultimate roller coaster ride cause you are too broke to actually go to a theme park.

Or don't try to manifest anything at all. Meditate, and be one with the feeling that you are connected beyond any other level of consciousness to the world. When I do this, I feel light, dizzy almost with energy. My body buzzes as if I have light pulses of electricity passing through my body. My senses feel stronger though I cannot pinpoint what it is that I am hearing, seeing, tasting, or smelling—mostly I feel the other senses as tangible things. When I am Lucid Dreaming, I feel the most magical and the most powerful I have ever been in my life. That feeling alone, and a desire to share it, is why I suggest you try Lucid Dreaming.

My Experiences?

I use to have horrible nightmares. Like, ones that have left scars on my psyche level of horrible for a kid. Some included playing with a small ball, the size fitting of a barbie, only to look up and find a sphere so large that the sky hid the top. This sphere would crush me in my dreams, waking a poor four year old me from a dead sleep screaming. Now... I have a irrational fear of miniatures and items that are WAY bigger than their normal state (oddly, the less realistic these are, the better I handle them). Another was of a hurricane or tornado striking the house I lived in when we were living in Florida. This tornado would pull the window so strongly that it shattered and began to pull our house apart. My mother would grab my hand and my brother, while my father grabbed my mother and brother. This dream was so vivid that I didn't learn that it didn't happen until just a few months ago. For those counting at home, that means 23 years of having a phobia of storms (more so loud storms).

The dream that triggered my start of lucid dreaming was another nightmare. My parents were on their way to a divorce so the fights were carrying over into my dreams. In this dream, I was with my uncle, one of the few adults that I knew would help me and save me if I was in trouble, and we were enjoying a museum. A bone was out of place on a dog's skeleton so I fixed it and we continued to leave. The beast came to life and charged us. My uncle managed to take me out of harms way and put me in a tree before I had to watch him be torn apart by this skeleton that would normally be loyalty and friendship. I woke up screaming and my mother took me downstairs to drink a glass of milk and talk about the dream. I was so upset, I was shaking visibly and sobbing into my small plastic cup.

“You know,” my mother started, “you never go anywhere unarmed.” She says and I thought it was cause my parents were in the military and in the movies, they have guns. So I stared at her and she pats her hip. “You have a magical sword on her hip everywhere you go. This sword will be anything you need. Of course, a sword first and foremost, but it can turn into a whip or a rope. It will be your shield and give you wings when you need them.” As a child, I believed this without batting an eye. I was luck to have a mother that at the time, I looked up to and thought that she could do no wrong.

The next nightmare came, I was in a pit, watching these beasts coming at me. I could see low stone walls that were still too high for me to climb. I could hear people shouting but I couldn't understand them. A lion or perhaps a some other beast that I didn't recognize was stalking towards me. I backed into the wall in fear and I remembered my 'sword'. I reached down and drew it, pulling this blade from nothing. It shifted, shimmering in my idea of what magic must look like as a child. The blade became giant, but light as a feather. I struck the beast down and turned my attention to the wall. The blade turned into a hammer and I shattered the stone to free myself. I escaped down a spiraling staircase and when I woke the next morning, I ran screaming for my mother. She fear another nightmare, but the tears on my face were from relief. I had nothing to fear when I was asleep for I had that magical sword. This technique also worked for my brother, when his nightmares started and it's become a story that my family tells one another.

I'm not sure if my mother was inspired by something or heard it from another, but when asked about it, she says she was making it up on the spot. Wanting to plant something that my mind would believe at such a young age in hopes of everyone getting some sleep. What she didn't expect is that it would turn what few dreams I could remember into a strive and desire to control my dreams, and never to let myself be a victim of my own mind again—at least when I'm asleep.

It was enough to try and manipulate myself, to give myself items and logical sense. It was a different nightmare that made me work on changing the dreams entirely. I was being hunted by men without faces in a ghost town. We had crashed the car, and my mother and I had divided to find help. I realized when I was being chased that I was dreaming so I tried to fly away but I was grabbed by a net. I cut the net and tried to run, willing myself to be the fastest thing but the ground turned to mud. I continued to scream for myself to wake up, demanding that this dream be over. Finally, as I stood by our car in the middle of the lake, the shadows of men creeping towards me, I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could. I screamed and willed myself to scream until I woke. As expected, I woke up screaming.

I began to work on controlling my dreams regardless if they were nightmares. I made a test, inspired by Starwars. I use it still to this day when I have disassociation issues. If I ever feel that this might be a dream, or that something just doesn't make sense or I don't remember how I got somewhere, I try to use the force to bring something to me. Now, I don't mean I try to subtly pull something to me like you do when you're little and trying to use telekinesis, no... I mean I would hold my hand out and with strong conviction, mentally demand that that item come to me, without hesitation, without fail, and without doubt.

Clearly, in the real world, this doesn't work, but in my dream, that level of belief and strength would work. And I would know that I was dreaming. From there, I would summon people to my dream, I would change the scenery, and I would feel that I was unstoppable. When it comes to nightmares now, they only last a short while and I am no longer afraid of what is in my dream, only of them coming true.

When I discovered it was called Lucid Dreaming, I had already been doing it for quite some time. I think that I was after I graduated high school in 2009. I am, by no means, a master, but it was something I felt very confident in and wanted to learn more. My resources at the time were limited and my mental state was declining as I tried to make it through life without help or treatment. Eventually, I was able to go to a new age shop where an amazing shop keeper named Frank told me a number of great books. One book came when I was telling him about my most recent lucid dreaming experience and he suggested a book called 'The Art of Dreaming' by Carlos Castaneda. It was a trip to read this man's journey into the realm of Lucid Dreaming, and finally put a solid seal on what I was doing when I slept.

Art: By Me!

Sources: Personal Experience (90% of this), Wikipedia (for Lucid Dreaming definition), Google (Double Checking REM Sleep)

#Lucid Dreaming #SpirituallyyoursNotes #Pagan #witch #I just really like lucid dreaming

[unabulwer]

No one had given him freedom of the castle, but no one had denied it to him either.

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[shandragdotson]

How to Live Within Your Means

It seems like the golden rule of personal finance is to “live within your means.” Those four little words seem simple enough, so why don’t more people do this?

Well, do you know what your “means” actually are?

If the first that that pops into your head is your yearly salary, you’re on the right track, but that doesn’t tell the whole story. You’ve got to think about the money that actually hits your bank account (after taxes), and what money is tied up in rent, mortgage, car payments, debt, and living expenses. To “live within your means,” you need to have more dollars coming in than are going out.

That seems like simple enough math, but the reality is you might float along from day to day, not really knowing how much you have to spend, or where it all goes. You might wonder why you don’t have more, but you stop short of doing anything about it. It just seems too overwhelming to know where to start.

The good news is I want to show you how to start living within your means, and I’ll explain exactly what you need to do in three steps.

But before we get started, I want to lay out a few things:

1. You can expect a “raise” in pay if you follow these steps. I’m confident you will get it. 2. This will take hard work. I’m not going to sugarcoat that part.

Ok, here’s how to start living within your means:

1. How Much Money Do You Bring in Each Month?

In order to live within your means, you have to establish your means. How much money do you bring in each month? If you don’t know how much you make per month, then you are one strange beast my friend. I don’t foresee this being a problem for people. If your income fluctuates then you might want to check out the article about Living Paycheck to Paycheck, but I’m guessing most of us know just how much we made last year (and don’t we wish it were just a bit more).

Get down to a dollar figure by adding up a month’s worth of paychecks andy any other income sources (and only the amounts that actually hit your bank accounts after taxes and other withholdings).

2. Record Your Spending

Establishing your means was the easy part. This is the hard part. I don’t propose that you just kind of estimate, or guess what your expenses were for the last little while, and then decide whether you’re living within your means.

I suggest you look backwards at your check register, bank statements, or credit card statements to get a general idea of where you were at with your spending. You might have a rough number in mind, but all that’s really important is the future ahead of you. You need a way to track your spending. That’s the only way to live within your means for the long term.

You see, money management is 90% psychological, and when you record your spending, then you will naturally spend much less (i.e. begin living within your means). Now, I don’t mean “look at the credit card statement once a month” and counting that as tracking spending. No, I’m talking about something more intentional, more involved. Write it down. Set up a spreadsheet. Or use a handy app like YNAB (I’m biased, of course).

How I Got a Raise (and How You Can Too)

When I was in high school I tried this. I simply wrote down on a lined piece of paper everything I spent for a month. I was shocked at how high the number was. The next month I spent half that amount! And the next month it dropped by another 25%. Oddly enough, I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. Naturally, I had much more discretionary income in high school, so such a drop was realistic. However, to see a 20% decrease in your spending once you begin recording all of your purchases is not uncommon. Congratulations on your new raise.

3. How to Live Within Your Means

After not recording what you spend for a few decades, it can be a bit difficult to just start right off the bat. I know of no other way though. It’s much like the attempts my wife and I make at limiting our dessert intake. We say we’ll just have one per week, or maybe one per day, or whatever – but that never seems to work. The only time I’ve ever successfully managed to avoid desserts was when I avoided them completely.

It’s the same with recording your expenses. Record all of them. Don’t let one slip through the cracks. Certainly a few dimes for a soda are not going to matter to your pocketbook. It will affect your habit formation though – and that’s where it counts.

Record your expenses for a month to see if you truly are living within your means. Compare your inflows of cash (from Step 1) to your outflows of cash. Now you know where you stand. With that information in hand, you can start working toward a lifetime of living within your means by shifting that balance so what you spend is below what you make.

It might take some time, it will definitely take some work, but you can live within your means. You’ll be hanging out with the minority – but it sure feels nice.

Want some help tracking expenses and figuring out if you’re actually living within your means every month? Sign up for a free 34-day trial of You Need a Budget for help with tracking, plus you can see a report of your income vs. expenses to know exactly where you stand.

The post How to Live Within Your Means appeared first on You Need A Budget.

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[sailor-opy]

Movies I saw in 2017

So, I thought it would be fun to list all the movies I went to see to a movie theatre last year and maybe say a few words about them. In total I saw 24 movies last year, and when you read the list, you’ll see that I have quite a varied taste in movies.

January

1.      Collateral beauty

This movie actually premiered already in the end of 2016, but I had time to go see it in the beginning of 2017. I remember that it was quite a beautiful movie, and the story wasn’t what I was expecting. I thought that it would be more about how Will Smith’s character interacts with Love, Death and Time, but actually it’s more about his friends interacting with them.

February

2.      Vaiana (originally Moana)

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I wasn’t that thrilled about Vaiana, though maybe I would warm up to it after watching it a few times. I’m not saying that it’s a bad movie, not at all, but personally, I just wasn’t that into it.

March

3.      Hidden figures

This was a thought-provoking movie. To me, it seemed incomprehensible how difficult white people made black people’s lives. And for seemingly no reason. But it was nice to see them succeed and knowing that it was based on true story made it even more amazing.

April

4.      Beauty and the Beast

Again, I wasn’t so thrill about this movie. I think I liked the live-action version of Cinderella more. But still it is a nice and funny movie with some amazing songs.

5.      Your name

This is absolutely one of my favourite movies in 2017. It was so beautiful and surpricing, and I’m totally speechless!

May

6.      Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge

I think this movie is better than the previous Pirates of the Caribbean movie. One thing that made this movie special to me was that I don’t really go to movie premieres, but this time my holiday was just starting and I decided to celebrate it by going to this premiere here where i live. It wasn’t any special event, just a first screening of the movie here, but it was still nice.

June

7.      Everything, Everything

This movie managed to have the ending I was expecting and still surprise me with it at the same time.

8.      Wonder woman

I liked that the fight scenes weren’t overly bloody, because that’s what I usually dislike in action or war movies. Otherwise I don’t think I have much to say about this movie.

July

9.      Despicable me 3

This movie I went to see with a friend. It is a funny movie. Minions were great! I don’t have much else to say.

10.   The Circle

When I went to see this movie, I was the only one in a movie theatre for 100 people! This movie really made me think a lot. I don’t necessarily agree with the main character about making every bit of our lives public, and I didn’t really understood what exactly was the secret her boss was hiding, but I think it’s a good thing if a movie makes me think.

August

11.   Valerian and the City of Thousand Planets

I don’t have a lot to say about this movie. I didn’t think it was an amazing film, but it wasn’t totally bad either. But it was an ok action movie, and they are nice to watch sometimes.

12.   Spider man: Homecoming

My friend really liked this movie. Also, my favourite Avenger is Iron man, and I knew he was in this movie, so I decided to go and see this. I didn’t see Iron man as much as I would have liked (I think Peter Parker thought the same), but I think this movie was funny and better than some other Marvel movies that have come out in recent years.

13.   Cars 3

I draw plank with this movie. I remember its story, but I can’t remember if I thought it was funny, or how I felt about it afterwards.

September

14.   The Beguiled

I was somewhat conflicted about whether I go to see this movie or. On the other hand, I can’t stand horror movies or very gory movies, and by its trailer I thought that this could be like that. On the other hand I was really fascinated about its story and what was going to happen. IN the end, I decided to go to see it, and it wasn’t as scary and gory as I was afraid it could be, but it definitely wasn’t a happy movie. But that’s ok, because I was expecting that. What surprised me before the movie started was, that the audience was mainly middle aged women. As I was expecting to see some kind of mild horror movie, I didn’t think that they would be the main audience group.

15.   Tulip Fever

As I wrote in this blog after seeing this movie, I really liked this. I think it was beautiful and the story didn’t rely on some easily fixed misunderstandings.

October

16.  The Big sick

I really liked this movie. It felt so realistic, which it probably was too, because it was based on a true story. It also felt “small” somehow, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. More like that it was realistic (as I said already), and not so shiny and over the top like many big budget romantic comedies are.

17.   Victoria & Abdul

I have written here about my thought about this movie also, but during this year, I’ve realised how interesting it is to see movies and tv shows based on true stories. If they follow the real story really closely, they are often not clichéd and predictable.

18.   My Little Pony the movie

This movie was exactly what I expected it to be. It was hilarious and happy. Sometimes it was obvious that it was based on a tv show that I hadn’t seen, because it didn’t really introduce the characters and their back stories, as it was expected that the audience knows them already. Some of the ponies in the main group seemed to be a bit unnecessary since they didn’t really have a meaning for the story, but they probably had to be there since I guess they were part of the main group in the tv show too.

19.   Yösyöttö

This is a Finnish comedy about a man, whose wife leaves him right after the birth of their son, because she realises that she really can’t be a mom. The movie then follows the man as he tries to adapt to his life as a single father of a new born. I don’t really like Finnish movies that often, because usually they are so depressing and sad, or then people swear a lot in them, but I think this was ok.

November

20.   Thor: Ragnarök

My friend really loved this movie. For me, it was a bit too sci-fi. I like the previous Thor-movies (or at least the first one, I think I might not have seen the second one) more because they happened mostly on Earth, but this one was situated almost entirely on a planet in other dimension(?) or something.

December

21.   Murder on the Orient Express

I didn’t really like this movie’s portrayal of Hercule Poirot. He seemed somehow OCD, and that’s not how I see him. The role of Johnny Depp was smaller than I expected. Well, I mean, that yes, his character was important for the story, but he had less screen time than I was expecting.

22.   Star Wars: The Last Jedi

I’m not a big Star Wars fan, but there was so much hype around the first one of these new films that I thought that I should probably go see that. That’s kind of the reason I went to see this one too. In the last movie, when Han died, I thought that Luke and Leia are probably going to die in these following movies. It seems that I was right.

23.   Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

This movie was one of my favourites last year! I’m going to write about this more in detail in a post of its own, but I try to summarise my thoughts here. It is quite perfect combination of humour and action and the action scenes aren’t too violent or gory for my taste. Jack Black performance was hilarious!

24.   Ballerina

I’ve seen many negative reviews about this movie, and I don’t really understand why. I didn’t think it was that bad. Obviously it had some unrealistic bits, but come on, what movie doesn’t have those? Especially if it’s aimed at children. The only thing that I would have liked is that I would have liked to know more about why Camille’s mother wanted her daughter to become a ballerina. Why not something else?

Well, here they are, all 24 movies I saw last year, and some of my thoughts about them. I don’t know if this is actually interesting to anyone but me, but here it is anyway.

#collateral beauty #vaiana #moana #hidden figures #beauty and the beast #your name #pirates of the caribbean salazar's revenge #everything everything #wonder woman #despicable me 3 #the circle #valerian and the city of a thousand planets #spider-man: homecoming #cars 3 #the beguiled #tulip fever #the big sick #victoria & abdul #my little pony the movie #yösyöttö #thor ragnarok #murder on the orient express #star wars the last jedi #jumanji: welcome to the jungle #ballerina #spoilers