#remember when they first sang this live and we all went crazy about it?

[newtness532]

#shawn mendes #jo says stuff #remember when they first sang this live and we all went crazy about it? #i dont remember what the performance was that was so great bc it was aaaages ago #but i remember we made a big deal about it in the fandom #at least in my circle #Spotify

[melinoephilia]

Analyzing Anya & Xander's Duet

Aside from the general sadness of the episode, one of the sad things about "Once More With Feeling" is Anya and Xander's "I'll Never Tell" song. First, let's start with the most obvious. When Xander sings about Anya in this song, almost all his lines about her positives have to do with her body/looks and being in her "tight embrace" (we all know what he was really talking about). In fact, if you go through the lyrics of the song, the only time he compliments her personality is when he calls her a charmer and says she's sweller. But if we look at all the things he sang previously, is it charmer for her personality or because of what she does for him? (satisfy his sexual urges). On the opposite end of this, he has many criticisms of her personality within the song, "She clings. She's needy. She's also really greedy." Furthermore, if you want to take his insecurity lines into account, you can see that while, yes, he's insecure, which is fair, anyone can be insecure, they're also implying that he believes she's only with him for monetary purposes, and views him as disposable DESPITE her clear dedication to him (and willingness to live in his parents' basement). Don't even get me started on the "Am I marrying a demon" line. While I can understand that fear, on account she was a demon for a thousand or so years, it completely ignores all the human growth she had and character arc she went through.

Now let's start on Anya's verses. While yes, she does criticize him a bit, almost all her lines have to do with one of two things. A) the way he treats her. OR. B) insecurities centered solely on her. She doesn't compliment him much in this song, but she doesn't disparage who he is as person much either, and when she does it's either things all couples complain about like, "he snores" and most fair of all "his penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe," or things that critique his behavior in their relationship, "I talk. He breezes." and "Say housework and he freezes." Now I will acknowledge one line she said "His eyes are really beady." Yes this is a diss against his appearance, but this also comes with her interrupting a long verse of him just disparaging her personality and she was like just trying to stop that train by changing the track. It should also be noted that this verse against her personality came directly after she called out his habit of hiding behind buffy when things get rough, so he is clearly lashing out having not liked the feeling of feeling emasculated. Another note is that all but one of her complimentary lines toward him have to do with his personality. "He's swell," and "My knight in shining armor."

From her lines in the song we can see how insecure he makes her, because ultimately we have to remember this is a song about their relationship. "Will I look good when I've gotten old," "when I get so worn and wrinkly. That I look like David Brinkley," "I've read this tale. There's wedding. Then betrayal," and most importantly "Like it's all just temporary."

Lastly, just a quick assessment on their perception of their relationship that comes in near the end of the song. Xander sings, "Am I crazy?" whereas Anya sings, "Am I dreaming?" She views this as a dream, something not possible but somehow is, whereas he views it as something crazy, a word with negative connotations, that what he's doing could be done by someone not in their right mind.

My summation? While this song is upbeat and peppy, it actually was telling us exactly how their love story would end, as well as who would be the one to run. Xander, as much as he's central to the scoobies, was and always will be a sexist coward. He never loved Anya, he only love what she could do for him, and she was also the only one interested in him.

Anya wasn't perfect, but she 100x deserved better.

#buffy the vampire slayer #anya jenkins #xander harris #btvs #once more with feeling #i'll never tell

[itsjaywalkers]

babe i miss ur rants like crazy so if u have any rant that needs to be indulged this is me indulging u <3333

this actually made me so soft.. i didn't know there was someone who enjoyed my rants so much.. i always feel kinda annoying.. i'm giving u the biggest forehead kiss in the world nonnie YOU'RE THE BEST

this being said . well

lately i've been thinking a lot about this band au i don't know if i'll ever write or if it'll just stay in my head, bc when i first started reading fanfiction i was OBSESSED with band aus and even tho i'm not that into them anymore . they make me feel very nostalgic and happy so i was like u know what . i should come up with my own. AND THAT'S WHAT I DID!!

anyways it's a dual pov, james and lily's!! they used to date, and since james is the lead singer in a very popular band, they were the it couple back then, everyone was fucking obsessed with them, said they were Perfect, peak romance, they wanted what they had etc etc. lily even sang with him sometimes when the band went on tour, bc she has a beautiful voice and all the fans kept pushing for her to join the band and sing all the ballads with james etc

but then . all of a sudden . she disappeared . not literally, you know, she just fucking ran away, without telling a single soul. she didn't even leave a letter to james, or maybe remus, who was one of her best friends. james was devastated, the band was devastated, the whole world was devastated. they went on hiatus for a lil before coming back with a very different vibe and since then . well . no one talks about lily evans . reporters try to bring her up every now and again bc they're nosy fuckers but james goes all stiff and his replies become stilted (even if still perfectly professional)

flashforward to . when the story actually starts . a new band has just debuted and it's rising to fame concernigly quick and james remus sirius and peter are going Crazy bc they feel a bit threatened and also oh would u look at that?? if it isn't sirius' estranged brother in the flesh!! playing the drums for this stupid band who's trying to compete with them!!

and if that wasn't enough !! lily finally returns to their lives............... she's also making a debut but as a soloist.............. and she's very Different from the lily they remember................... her songs are loud and aggressive and filled with resentment and very obviously about james and their relationship and james' friends. she's mean and bold and witty and everyone is Wondering if there was more to her disappearance than what they thought

it'll be jegulus and bartylily <3 and one of the reasons why idk if i'll ever write it it's bc one of the reasons why lily left is that she got pregnant and she didn't want it so she aborted and . we all know how this fandom gets about lily and motherhood lmao

anyways one of the scenes that's been plaguing my mind is this one that happens after lily and barty have started sleeping together and spending more and more time in each other's presence!! they're in barty's flat and barty wakes up at some point in the middle of the night just to discover he's alone in bed. so he wakes up and finds lily sitting at the kitchen table, notebook open, pen in hand and humming under her breath. he hugs her from behind and sees she's writing something new and they talk a lil, bicker some and tease even more, and then barty tells her she should write a song about him and stop dissing that stupid ex bf of hers bc it's getting old. lily laughs and asks him if he wants a cheesy love song and barty cackles and shakes his head and says that he'd rather have one of her dissing songs, bc they're fun and likes it when she gets all mean. besides, the press wouldn't believe her if she wrote something nice or sweet about him bc barty is always getting into scandal after scandal

lily does end up writing a song about barty, dissing him (affectionately except ppl don't know that) and when she first performs it live, she does so while just wearing one of barty's shirts and barty laughs the whole time while sporting the biggest heart eyes known to mankind

#asks #anons #bartylily

[gelly-fsh]

Diary of a (smitten) Mariachi

I've been having all types of thoughts about Mariachi James Potter, like you cannot honestly tell me that he would not thrive in it. I think his grandfather would have been a famous Mariachi and he just taught James how to sing and how to play the guitar.

When he was in Uni, he didnt want to depend solely in his parents money so he decided to put his grandpa's lessons in good use and start a small business out of it with a couple of friends and cousins that lived in the same city. They got pretty famous, especially when his cousin Mary decided to do a YouTube channel and a Tiktok account for the band.

And look, in the 3 years he has been doing this, he has come across some weird and scandalous shit. Until now his favorite was when a dude hired them to serenade his wife (apparently they had a fight) but when the woman didn't appear in her balcony the guy was so mad he asked them to come with him to go and serenade his mistress instead.

Yeah, fun times. At least that girl did love it.

Today, they had a morning job for a birthday. The guy who hired him (Barty, if he remembers correctly) gave him a rundown of what he wanted to happen, and James knew almost instantly this was one of those prank serenades. He hoped this Regulus guy didn't beat the shit out of anyone for waking him up with guitars and trumpets.

When they arrived to the house address, he could see they guy that he must assume is Barty waiting for them outside with a mischievous grin on his face.

"I gather that you're James Potter no?" The guy asked

"Pleasure to meet you" James said, shaking his hand "are you Barty?"

"The one and only" Barty confirmed. He quickly explained that his friend Regulus would be waking up in half an hour, so they had to be quick going upstairs (the house was fucking gigantic). When they were outside the door, all of them started to prepare their instruments and do a last check up on their clothes (Mary fixed James hat bc apparently it got crooked). He could see Barty taking out his phone, most probably to start recording everything, and then they went inside the room.

From the first notes of the trumpets and the violins, James could see clearly how the boy that was before sleeping so peacefully jump up so high he almost rolled out of the bed. But when he raised his head to see them, James breath hitched in astonishment.

That had to be the most prettiest boy he has ever seen.

Even bleary-eyed, with a dry trail of drool on his chin, and sheet marks in his cheeks, James could only think that he would really like to sing every love song ever invented to him, isn't that crazy?

"Estas son las mañanitas que cantaba el Rey David..." (This are the mornings that the King David sang about) James started as normally, he has sang Las Mañanitas a thousand times, the Vicente Fernandez version being one of the most popular, but James just didn't want to sing that one, it was to impersonal, so he just decided to throw the protocol out of the window and sing the version he really wanted.

"A los muchachos bonitos, se las cantamos aquí" (To the pretty boys, we sing it to them here)

"Si el Sereno de la esquina me quisiera hacer favor, de apagar su linternita mientras que pasa mi Amor" (If the watchman in the corner would be so kind, of turning off his little lamp while my Love passes by) He could feel the gazes of all the band members piercing through his skull, and for a moment James thought that maybe he shouldn't have sang the more romantic version of Las Mañanitas with a band full if family members and friends who could understand Spanish, he was fucked for the next family reunion, but Regulus face when he saw him sing made it worth it.

Remnants of sleep still filled his eyes, and when the song started he was in the middle of cursing Bartys whole bloodline out, but when he locked eyes with him, James could perfectly see how Regulus entire face turned into a beautiful shade of cherry red. He just sat in his bed with his gaze fixed on James while he sang about birds singing and the Moon hiding out, giving way to the beautiful morning that resided in his eyes.

"Si no estas enamorado, enamoráte de mi" (if you're not in love, fall in love with me) he sang with a small smile in his face, and he delighted himself by how Regulus face went even more red.

He sang the rest of the song effortlessly, and when he finished, James and all of band did a small bow in Regulus direction.

"Happy Birthday Mr. Regulus" James said with a soft smile on his face.

"Eh- ehm thank you" Regulus responded, sounding awfully flustered.

"Well that was no fun, you didn't even make that much of a fuss" Barty whined on the other side of the room "I bring you your favorite Mariachi as a present and you couldn't even give me more drama?, please Reg" James could exactly pinpoint the moment Barty realized he fucked up, did Regulus already knew James?

"BARTY!" Regulus hissed out, throwing a pillow that landed directly in Bartys face.

"You are a fan of ours?" James asked surprised, Regulus type was not exactly their normal audience

"You could say that..." Regulus mumbled

"He has watched all of the videos where you are and-" another pillow was thrown to Bartys face, the beautiful color red coming backbto Regulus cheeks.

"Well I am honored" James chuckled softly, before deciding that he might as well be bold, even if it was deeply unprofessional "Its not all days I find out such a beautiful boy is a fan of what I do"

The compliment got him exactly what he wanted, which was a small gasp and more of that beautiful blushing, oh he was down bad. Regulus opened his mouth to say something, but Mary used that moment to (rudely) interrupt them

"I am deeply sorry to interrupt, but today we have another job in the other side of the city, so we should get going" Mary interjected softly, looking a mixture of amused and regretful (as she should be, why is he interrupting hid attempts to woo the love of his life???) "Happy Birthday again Mr. Regulus"

All the band echoed the congratulations, before softly taking the instruments and leaving the room. James almost wished Barty had payed for more than one song. Mournfully, he gave Regulus one last glance before tipping down his hat and saying "Happy Birthday, Amapolita dorada" before leaving the room.

While going down the stairs, he was being teased by Mary and the others about how obvious his little crush was and how annoyed they where that he changed the song version at the last minute (they were not really, but they do sure liked to whine).

It was not until he was going out the door that he heard frantical footsteps going down the stairs, and James just stood there at the door, hope filling his heart when he saw Regulus disheveled form looking at him.

"Listen, I probably am reading the situation wrong but-" Regulus said breathlessly "If you like, wanted to go out or something..."

James never accepted something so fast in his life "absolutely, I want to see you again"

He could hear Regulus breath hitch, breathing out a soft "Oh, well" before pressing a piece of paper in James chest "it's my number, text me ok?"

"Oh I will" James smile was blinding, he got the interest and the number of one of the most handsome guys he has ever seen, and he was not wasting this golden opportunity so easily. In an act of chivalry (and maybe stupidity) he softly took Regulus hand and slowly took it to his lips, leaving a soft kiss in the dorsum of his hand "Until we meet again, Regulus"

"Until then, James" Regulus sounded breathless, and James smirked in delight at the knowledge that Regulus did know him before the performance.

Since then, everyone could see that James Potter sang love songs with a bit more sweetness to it, as if really really knew what he was singing about. With the beautiful muse that he had, how could he not?

#jegulus #james potter #james x regulus #regulus black #marauders #starchaser #mariachi James #I have so many thoughts about this AU I just scrathed the surface of my brainrot #Regulus loved to watch James YT videos and the Tiktoks too #Barty knew about it and bullied him constantly #hence his bday present James #Regulus ripped Barty to shreds over him hiring his crush and make him sing to him while he was in PJs #this was longer than i expected #microfics #yeah Mary and James are cousins #yall the version James sings here is the Pedro Infante version of Las Mañanitas #but commonly the version people sing is from Vincente Fernandez #pls google both versions so you can really see the differences and why James sang the one he sang

[ice-cap-k]

In Their Structure

Just came from Tango's first Secret Life episode and I'm positively vibrating.

Cross-posted on AO3 here: In Their Structure

____________________________________________

They won. Against all odds, they had won. The pesky homeworld gems were no longer a major threat. Life was theirs.

It was an amazing feeling. There had been plenty of celebrating. They danced. They

sang under the stars. Hugs had been passed around and special moments of appreciation for each other were shared all around. Even Grian and Scar, who had originally planned on going back to Homeworld, cheered alongside the others long after they had unfused with the rest of the Opal gems.

But now that the danger had passed and things had died down, the deserters were left with a conundrum. They were huddled around a coffee table in the main living space of the Crastle. Nervous glances were spared back and forth between each other and the five bubbles on the tabletop. By now, enough time had passed that if the gems inside left the confines of the bubbles, their bodies would begin to reform. The real question, though, was what should be done with them.

The gems around the table sure didn’t feel like winners anymore. 

“We should shatter them and be done with it,” Bdubs grumbled from behind the couch. 

Grian slapped his hand down on the table, making some of the other gems around him jump. “Agreed. Let’s do the smart thing for once and be done with it”

“Isn’t that being a little hasty?” Jimmy’s voice shook a little. He found himself leaning into Scott, despite being considerably taller than the sapphire. Scott leaned back reassuringly. “I mean, they just came here to do a job like the rest of us.”

Impulse worried his thumb against the back of his knuckles. He stared down at the floor between their feet, anxious and torn. “Skizz is in there. He was our friend before all of this. He’s not a bad gem.”

“The topaz?” Grian blinked at him incredulously. “He had a nickname?!” To think there was such off-color behavior even among loyal homeworld gems.

The mood shifted in the room to something more somber. The bismuth nodded, and beside him a sad smile appeared on Tango’s face. “He was always a little silly. I feel bad. He honestly tried to help me back there. I can’t imagine considering shattering him, but I’m not so sure leaving him in a bubble is much better.”

“Friend or not, need I remind you that even though he knew you, even though he knew Tango, he still chose to attack us?” Cleo looked down at the two gems with a scathing glare. She crossed her arms, shifting her weight from one hip to the other. “You do remember that big Obsidian attack that he willingly chose to be a part of, right?” 

Both of the gems flinched at her words.

“Yeah…” 

Impulse’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, well, what about me?” His voice cracked. He squared his shoulders as he met her glare with his own. There was frustration and a hint of fear bubbling beneath the surface, threatening to boil over. “I helped them too. You knew what was happening when I went along with their hunt for rogue gems, but that doesn’t change the fact that I helped them. Are you going to shatter me too?”

“Of course not,” Tango said instantly. But he was the only one who spoke up. Realization dawned on the carnelian as Impulse shrunk deeper into his seat. “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me. You’re all a bunch of crazy people if you’re thinking of shattering Impulse, of all people.” Heat rolled off the smaller gem in waves. Whisps of hair flickered into fire as he curled his fists in his lap. The smell of burnt fabric started to fill the room. 

“Hey! Off the couch!” Bdubs rushed to a window and threw open the shutters. A cool breeze wafted in, but it wasn’t enough to chase away the smell. ”Jimmy! Do something!”

Tango was already climbing down from the couch, but Jimmy was faster. The lapis pulled moisture from a nearby pond. The water came streaming in through the open window. Jimmy directed it with a wave of his hand, sending it at Tango and the couch.

The water hit with a rough splash that nearly knocked the carnelian off his feet. Tango shouted, only to be cut off as the water went over his face. It left him dripping wet, hair audibly sizzling where it was still hot.

“Sorry Tango,” Jimmy said sheepishly, dropping the water. What was left fell to the floor with a loud splat. There would be a puddle left over, but the smell of burning was gone at least.

Bdubs only smirked.“Don’t say sorry, Jimmy. You did good. I can’t have you burning this place down around us, Tango.” The nephrite pulled away from the window so he could rejoin the others around the table. Still, his one eye kept flicking back to the ruined couch with thinly veiled annoyance.

“You all should be the ones apologizing to Impulse,” Tango snapped. 

“Listen.” Cleo rolled her eyes. She rubbed her temples with her thumbs and forefingers to counteract the headache these fools were giving her. “No, I don’t think we should be shattering Impulse. Far from it. He hasn’t done enough to deserve that, but you are on thin ice.” She jabbed a finger in the bismuth’s direction. “I wouldn’t be opposed to you spending some time in a bubble yourself.”

A small, even voice cut Impulse off before he could respond. “All this arguing is going nowhere.” It was Scott. All eyes went to the sapphire at Jimmy’s side. “Trust me, pursuing that argument is just going to waste time.”

Cleo let out a heavy sigh. She let her hand drop away from her temples. The cool chill coming off Scott felt good and soothed the stinging in her forehead. Finally, someone with something competent to add to the conversation. “Thank you, Scott. What about you? What do you think we should do with them since you’ve got a better idea of the results of our options?”

With a rustle of blue skirts and frost, he approached the coffee table and placed his hands on the ledge. “Well, there are a lot of possible futures branching off from any decision we make. As far as I can tell, if we were to release them, there’s a chance that they’ll be willing to hear us out and things go well. There’s also just as likely a chance that the moment they reform they’ll end up shattering at least one of us.”

“Not great odds,” Grian says.

“What about if we were to leave them in the bubbles,” Scar asks. “If we just leave them in there, nobody gets hurt.” He looks around the room, hoping for some sort of validation. He’s somewhat surprised to see Jimmy nodding vigorously in agreement.

“I’m all for nobody getting hurt. Especially not us. I think we should just leave them in the bubbles.”

Impulse, though, is shaking his head. “Yeah, and when they somehow end up getting out by out by some freak accident, they’re definitely going to hate us for leaving them trapped for so long. We’d just be cementing a future where they want us dead. Am I wrong Scott?” 

The sapphire nodded in agreement. “I’ve definitely seen a possible future where that happens. A few, in fact.”

“Great, so it’s settled. We shatter them and be done with it.” Bdubs crosses his arms over his chest, looking self-assured. He’s already eyeing one of the bubbles on the table. 

“But can we live with that on our conscience?” Scar asks. He didn’t think he could. It was one thing if it happened in self-defense. And technically gems ended up shattered all the time back on homeworld. It was part of life there. But he rather liked it here, and the rest of the deserters in the room had made it clear that just because it was part of life back at homeworld didn’t mean it had to be part of Life. “I don’t think I could do it if that’s what you guys decide to do.”

Impulse closed his eyes. The nervous twiddling of his fingers stopped as he held his own hands in a tight grip. He thought of Skizz and how happy the Topaz had been to see him alive and well. And unlike the other gems in the room, he had spent time in the enemy camp. These gems weren’t just mere objects to him. They weren’t cardboard enemies with faces but no substance, only meant to be knocked down. They were full gems who laughed and joked. They had their own set of oddities that even rivaled a deserter. So much power given to a lone emerald, a singular ruby, a defective amethyst, and two wonderfully warm and welcoming quartzes. Finally, he spoke up. “Me neither. I can’t do it. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself afterward.” Tango shook his head beside him in silent agreement.

“Look, I think it’s a good idea, but I don’t think I’ll be much help,” Grian said, fluttering his wings. 

“Count me out too,” Jimmy said stepping back. “Scott, would any of us be able to live with the consequences if they were to actually go through with it?”

“I can’t answer that. That’s entirely up to them.”

Them. Not us. Them. Without actually saying it outright, Scott had made it clear that he wouldn’t be participating. 

All eyes went to the only two remaining people: Cleo and Bdubs. 

“Uh… I don't- I mean, maybe…” Bdubs was stuttering. He tripped over his words, not willing to back out but still scared of taking on the mantle. “We could-”

“I could do it,” Cleo said plainly. “If they’re a threat to the people I care about, you know I won’t hesitate.”

“But they’re not a threat right now,” Jimmy pointed out. “And Scott said that there’s a possibility that they might understand. Can you imagine if they were to join us?”

“They won’t.”

“But how do you know that Cleo?”

“Because people don’t change,” Bdubs huffed beside the jade. 

Cleo smiled and elbowed the nephrite at her side. “Exactly. Bdubs gets it.”

“But-”

“People don’t change people,” Cleo huffed. She motioned towards the bubbles on the table, as if to emphasize her point. “And they certainly don’t change themselves. You can’t expect a gem to change on their own. It doesn’t work like that. Who we are is set in stone, literally. It’s as set as the pattern in their crystal structure. From the moment we emerge from the kindergarten, who we are and what we are made to do has already been built into us. Maybe time and a bit of weathering can change someone over time, but you can’t just expect anything else to.”

“Hey, that's not fare!” Scar lept up from his seat and stomped one foot down. He looked downright angry and a little wounded by Cleo’s words. “What about me and Grian? Didn’t we change? You didn’t want us around and now here we are sitting in the living room like a bunch of old friends. How’s that for change.”

“Did you change, though,” Cleo said, raising one eyebrow. “Last I checked, you two still wanted to head back to homeworld. You’d be there now if there hadn’t been that incident with the homeworlder’s ship.” 

“Th-that’s true,” Grian admitted, scratching at the back of his head. He felt a little bit bad about them. 

“But we came around on other things,” Scar continued. “Like fusion. And you guys! You guys don’t seem so bad anymore.”

“We did give them a chance,” Scott added, smiling up at Cleo.

To Scar, that was only further validation for the point he was trying to make. “Well, how are they supposed to change if we don’t give them a chance.”

Tango paused from wringing out the water from his clothes. “Just for the record, keeping them in a bubble for forever isn’t giving them the time to change. They can’t change if they’re stuck in there. Just saying.”

Now it was Bdubs turn to jump back in. “Maybe not, but what if it’s not worth the risk?  We could let them out and give them time to process, but what if they choose not to take that time to reflect and instead use it to try shattering us? Again!?”

Looks were exchanged between the gathered gems. Bdubs wasn’t wrong. Scott had already confirmed that the scenario was very possible.

Scar picked up one of the bubbles off the table gingerly. Inside was a banded amethyst. The inclusions were plainly visible, even through the filmy green surface of the bubble. If only they could start with one and prove it could work. “We changed,” he muttered quietly, speaking more to himself than the rest of the room. “Maybe they can to.”

If the other gems in the room heard him, they didn’t respond. They settled into a tense silence. Thoughts whirred through their heads. Should they? Shouldn’t they? To leave bubbled? To release? To shatter? No option felt right, but they had to figure out something.

They’d have to decide on something eventually.

#whumptober 2023 #prompt no. 20 #people don't change people time does #3rd life #life series #creative writing #impulsesv #tangotek #zombiecleo #bdoubleo100 #bdubs #grian #goodtimeswithscar #scott smajor #jimmy solidarity #gemcyt #alternate universe - steven universe

[kermitgasm]

are there any songs you think they should bring back for the setlist or a song you wish they would play live?

also which live performances are your favorite? (you could even go by era cuz i think each era is pretty unique)

ok so i need to start this off by saying BRING POOL BACK IMMEDIATELY!! please with the intro and everything. it’s just so fucking good. next up, which i know might be controversial, but i’d love to hear fences live once (i would watch this video all the time when i was younger, it just seems like a lot of fun). i always think it sounds so cool. and then obviously i’m on my knees screaming and crying for them to bring back Let The Flames Begin / Part II, which i know they’re probably sick of but it always turned out so good!!! and Turn It Off & Careful are my #1 picks. like, genuinely I need to hear them live or else. Also, Sugar on the Rim.

anyways i used to be better at pinpointing my favorite performances because i would watch them to a point where it was super concerning, now i’m a bit more mellow about it. however, since you asked i will attempt to deliver. just for you, dear anon.

this is in no particular order or anything, basically i’m just going off what i remember really saying damn this is good about (which is super easy when you love a band like paramore).

First off let’s start with the Miracle Outro performed during Brand New Eyes era. this song just goes so fucking hard and i curse Josh Farro for the fact that he wrote it so they couldn’t record it and release it since he left the band soon thereafter.

Paramore at Wembley Arena in 2009 — This concert is so good. like thank god this person filmed it and decided to upload it to youtube. I cannot get enough of Intro / Ignorance. truly.

RTMorasonMD had a great full concert vid from 2010, the sound quality is great for 2010 too. considering most of the time videos look like they were filmed with an nintendo D.S..

Paramore at The House of Blues in Anaheim, California (2006) this is like nostalgia city for me. I remember running my old paramore fan account on instagram and stumbling on this and being like… i’ve hit the paramore jackpot. shout out to Paramore History for always posting the real hard to find stuff… where would we be without you?

When Paramore performed Careful at Warped Tour in 2011 or like the whole Warped Tour Set — i will say this over and over again on this post but i have to be real with you when i say, i watched these videos so much it’s crazy. but careful was my favorite. i love careful. any performance or careful and i’m there.

Paramore live in Paris (2013) when i tell you i watched this religiously i mean it. i could probably do all the dance moves / movements hayley did in this specific video way back when. i was obsessed.

Paramore performing Let The Flames Begin / Part II at Bunbury in Cincinnati (2014) i just love this one. like all of these are just nostalgic for me and i can’t help but want to show you.

When Paramore performed Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen and then it went into Hallelujah by Paramore (lol) at Parahoy (2016). What a way to open the show. i mean, i remember watching the final riot and being totally in love with Hayley’s voice and the way she sang it. I think I was introduced to Hallelujah by Shrek but Paramore was the second one to show me the ways of Leonard Cohen. Thanks for that.

I Caught Myself in Hamburg (2017) is an obvious one but I feel like I had to mention it… the emotion Hayley fucking pours into this performance makes me want to cry.

Turn It Off live from Grand Casino in Hickley, MN (2017) we’ve all seen this one i think? but what an incredibly breath taking performance of turn it off. i mean.. damn.

Fake Happy performed at Rock for People in the Czech Republic (2017) the quality is insane for this one. I remember being totally obsessed with this. so i’m adding it here; to share with you.

Pool / Idle Worship in Paris (2018) something must be in the water when they go to paris because i love these videos.

Pool live in Amsterdam (2018) is another one that came to mind cuz the sound quality goes crazy. it’s just beautiful.

The full 2018 RED ROCKS show because the sound is great and i just remembered being obsessed with this. you’re kinda cracking my head open like an egg with this ask and i love it.

Paramore at Concrete Street Amphitheater (2018) incredible footage, incredible show.

Simmer live in Bakersfield (2022) i have to add this because she’s gone too soon. like they should be performing this one nonstop. but i also understand crystal clear is a bop so it’s fine… i’m fine. PLAY SUGAR ON THE RIM OR ELSE!!!

Crystal Clear debut in Dublin / Dreams (the cranberries cover) (2023) I mean….. we all know about the Dreams cover but I just have to add it here because wow. i love it. it’s incredible. and the crystal clear debut is just insane because the person filming that knew what they were doing. High Quality to the MAX baby.

Crave / Outro live at The O2 in London (2023) I mean I just love this video. like, what’s not to love.

Speaking of quality, this video of You First performed in Cleveland Ohio (2023) is available to watch in 2610p60, which basically means it’s better than your eyeballs. incredible stuff. just insane.

there’s probably a whole lot more i can’t think of at the moment, maybe i’ll make a list eventually. but i hope you like this in the mean time. ❤️ thanks for sending me this ask and letting me talk about my favorite band. send me an ask anytime (goes for everyone, i love this).

#thank you angel! i love being sent asks. the more the merrier #ask ivie #paramore

[eggsploded]

moar you say.. why then gregor and rodya of coarse....

where would i be without rodigor. where would WE be, without rodigor.

first impression: THE fuckin guy. this dude owns. (insert 50 invasive questions about cockroach anatomy and behavior) i was peeved his roach arm resembled more of a beetle horn than a arm

current impression: when chef greg dropped i got so horny i went to bed lightheaded i still love gregor dearly but my love for him has mellowed like the fondness for a favorite pasta dish.

favorite moment: literally every old fart moment he has. when he forgets names when he berated sinclair for not cleaning his plate when he goes uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in his dialogue because he doesnt know where hes going with this

story idea: despite his deep frying and boiling during hells chicken i think the bus kinda Likes this guy. gregors a bit of a hot commodity. hes just a fella you can Jive with. a real Stand Up guy. now let him be loved, if obliviously through his own self consciousness. a friendly heathcliff rough slap on the back delays his depressive episode by 15 minutes

fav relationship: oh boy where to start!!!! rodigor. enough on that. meurgreg, not really romantic to me but i like the art of it that is. it revolves around a big fella carrying him under his arm so automatic slay. ive seen a little gregcliff action on the TL but its more of a 'work got me friends with people twice my age like whats uncle greg up to' ordeal to me. now lets get insane. gregsang is incredible to me because yi sang is the only mf on that bus EASIER than gregor. gregor got game? that hes aware of? while stuttering the whole journey? its kind of crazy. i dont actually have a reason why they would even like eachother yet but put rodya in there somewhere to toy with them if you want true crackshipping fun

fav headcanon: hes a little chunky

RODYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my favit

first impression: me furiously searching for her height on the wiki + nodding my head sagely deciding woman with sleepy eyes is peak character design (faust included). i trust her wholeheartedly even if she leads me hand in hand into a woodchipper

current impression: waiting for projmoon to drop more lore on her desperately because i know canto 2 wasnt everything. i feel a disconnect with the fanbase about her because i see rodya characterized sooooo differently than how i think of her. the gambling thing and her effortless confidence for example isnt really questioned like how it is with dons bravado. i see her gambling as an outlet for her complicated views on money. she feels as though being financially 'secure' as the lone survivor as a betrayal to all the deaths she caused. gambling not only aligns with her current im the hottest shit attitude but also is a way for her to not be responsible for money. the hoarding of wealth is what caused her community to starve, why would she want to do something that seems to harm others? shes very self destructive, and feigning as slots star is just one of the ways she forces herself to 'stay in the cold'. ummmmmmmmm anyway im really normal about rodya and think about her a normal amount also her love for decadant food really resonates with me as someone who was poor in childhood because the difference between eating to live and living to eat is Astronomical

favorite moment: shes started branching out and calling other people than greg pet names and it is so exciting. faust has now reached babe status!! good for her!!! also when she infantalizes sinclair its terrible for him but REALLY funny for me when he responds back and reminds her oh right this is a 22 year old man. also her random interjections that are socialist ideology are really funny because they always feel so fucking random and like projmoon is remembering why crime and punishment was written and going drop this bomb ass line itll go so hard guys

story idea: i want her to play poker against yi sang because hes weird and also his poker face is like. genuine and dear adoration for being able to play with his companions because deep in his soul is gardens and butterflies. she would be so freaked out not only because this guy agreed to playing poker but also because he is invasively (he didnt mean it) staring into her SOUL to find solutions

fav relationship: my thoughts are half the bus are in love with gregor and the other half with rodya with cases of overlap. rodya is so epic because shes seemingly got it together to the more deranged sinners but to anyone else its like oh my god this paper mache bitch the former being more faustish the latter being more ryoshuish. faustya is cute because faust initially wanted to absorb more Bad Bitch Strategems and then kinda got a crush and is hardcore malfunctioning also kurokumo ryodion got sumn GOING yall crazy love is love though

fav headcanon: shes actually really short for Lobotomy Corp Backstreets Russia and everyone there is just freakishly tall (see: sonya)

#egg art #egg asks #limbus company #rodigor #rodya #gregor #went a little overboard

[greensagephase]

Alondra I just read part 13 and I'm screaming!

Life have been very hectic for me lately as I started my new masters, and I needed the time to sit down and properly read the thing that I know now that is my favourite thing to wait for

Its currently 3am, I'm sleepless just like Miguel, chronically staring at my screens as I go through coding and other complex stuff (fr my O'hara era) but I needed comfort and I was like you know what? F this, I'm reading NVC, idk I was gonna stay up late anyways.

After all my rant here are my thoughts, in order probably of how I felt about the fic:

-First of all the SCARF are you kidding me?!? The fact that Miggy keeps it for comfort and reader knows and decides to trick him out on wearing it so her scent lingers on it, fixing it around her aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhh i mean come onnnnnnnnnnn kiss already

-And then Miguel just casually putting the scarf on her cause whatever YOLO just do it, my heart exploded

-AND LORD HAVE MERCY SEND HELP I'M GOING CRAZY ABOUT WEARING MIGUEL'S JACKET

-istg I felt it around me, like a thousand sizes bigger than me, being cozy like a blanket? My heart aches!

-Miguel telling reader to be careful and then she sayind "I'll see you at home" I literally had to bite my arm not to scream and wake up my roomates LOL

-This part got me sooooo longing, cause this is istg my brother and I dynamic with my mom and grandma, is latino coded that I love it, it filled my heart to remember those days.

-AND ALSO HELLO NOT YOU REFERRING EDUARDO YAÑEZ LOOKING LIKE MIGUEL IM HISTERICALLY LAUGHING OMGGGGGGGGG (gotta say destilando amor is an amazing novela lol)

-I can't… are we saying we have a crush on him? Cause… sighs I do.. I long for him -I'm sorry I'm making this notes as I go and I'm ranting but this..

-Miguel… you can hug me any day baby you don't need to stuff a pillow.

-The blanket, the canelita, the talk in the couch… the yearning for physical touch, the new playfulness of Miguel… I was in tears for at least 20 min before I could continue reading.

-Little side note on this… phrase… my mind started to go places where it didn't need to be about my theories on spiderverse lol,please SONY IM BEGGING, I need for 2025 to come asap, I need answers and more Miggy.

-Anyways know that I'm writing this as a live reaction and I just stood up from my chair to go scream at mi pillow when I saw the word

GARIBALDIS, you finally did it I love so much MY HEARTTT IS GONNA EXPLODE!

You have no idea how happy this just made me! AAAAH!

-And in this angsty part… OMG… I swear I needed like 20 more minutes to recollect myself...meanwhile I'll give you this gaby doodle

-Okay add like another 20 minutes after you mentioned that Gaby sang Luna de Xelajú on the guitar, this whole Gabriella convo has my heart aching more, I need this little girl in my life...

-Not Miguel telling reader about his dreams of her interacting with Gabi and Gabriel, I'm on the floor once again, and telling her that they love her and she admitting she loves them too

-So for the next part when reader and Miguel hold hands while sleeping… I'll just share my doodle with you.... I went insane...

-The image of this alone will have me dreaming all night of him i swear, this became to much for my heart to quickly, I can freaking assure you that this is the best piece of FF reading of my life I'm not even kidding, I'll hold your hand as miguel did 🥺

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

OMG WE ARE OFFICIALLY BEST FRIENDS THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE

I had to doodle them both, cause hello they for sure were so cute admitting it to each other, and Miguel laughing... AAAAAAAAH!

My friend you ended up killing me with the Chilaquiles part AND YOU MENTIONING IT WAS FOR ME AND THE GARIBALDIS TOO?!?!

ISTG I LOVE YOU, it means a lot to me 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I want Miguel to cook me some spicy chilaquiles!!!! awww! this was just perfect I swear!!

Well my rant ends up here, I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to get to you, but life has been chaotic! I'm so glad I took my proper time to read and enjoy this because I felt so many things reading this chapter, it was amazing as always and can't wait for what's next!!

Sending you pinky finger hugs!

Hola, Ana!! I'm so happy you got to read part 13 despite now busy you are!! Congrats on starting your new masters!!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 I'm so proud of you!!!! Also, I'm screaming about you being in your O'Hara era, haha!! You're truly embodying him with all the screens and staying up!! But in all seriousness, I hope you're doing well and taking some well deserved time off, at least a few minutes for your mental health :)

Also, I loved reading all your reactions as you were reading the part, haha (I hope you didn't wake up your roommates)!! But now, time for me to rant about this chapter, too, because it's been one of my favorite to write so far!!

The scarf moment - the way reader tricked Miguel so she could wear it and keep her scent on it, him placing it on her the next time!! He was bold for that and playful which skjksjh, I love this side of him !! But | agree, need them to kiss already !!!! (currently fighting thoughts on them kissing and doing more 🫣🫣 the thoughts are just too much)

Reader WEARING MIGUEL'S JACKET, I'M SO GLAD YOU MENTION IT BECAUSE I WAS SCREAMING ABOUT IT AND MIGUEL'S REACTION - mans brain was buffering 💀 but also imagine wearing his jacket?? I need it 😮‍💨 imagine how comforting it would feel? And his SCENT (I'm normal about this, I promise)

sjshJSsk reader telling Miguel, " I'll see you at home" - just me being silly, and giving you guys and myself a little taste of the future 😌 (once again, the thoughts are consuming me)

Okay for the telenovela part, I was like gotta include this because this was also an evening thing for my siblings and me with my parents. I also love thinking about Miguel having these Latin experiences, so I was like imagine Miguel and Gabriel sitting at the dining table doing homework while Conchata watches the telenovela? Plus, it gave me an excuse to include Gabriel because I seriously love him so much!! So, I'm so happy that this little scene allowed you to reminisce on your childhood!! 🥺

ANA I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD MENTION THE EDUARDO YAÑEZ REFERENCE - THANK YOU!!! I had to after seeing people on tiktok saying Miguel kinda looked like him months ago lol and well, me personally, I had the biggest crush on him growing up 🤭 (and real! Destilando Amor is one of my favorite telenovelas !!)

About reader maybe having a crush on him because she realizes she's found someone like Peter in Miguel....um, no comment. But I definitely have a crush on him (I love him)!!!

And Miguel stuffing a pillow into reader's sweatshirt - SAME!! I'm like, just come and hug me, Miguel, no need for the pillow (imagining things right now)

The whole moment with the blanket and canelita to have this talk about Miguel's past - I wanted the moment to be as comforting as possible for Miguel with how heavy and sad the talk was going to be. 😭 And then, both of them yearning for physical contact (because Miguel is definitely yearning for it, if it's not clear!!) I just really loved it because now we have not only reader but also Miguel wanting more physical touch!!! I can't wait for them to finally hug fr!!!

Ana, I would love to know about your theories regarding the multiverse and universes collapsing because it's something I've been thinking about. I literally think about it and then just stop because I feel like I'm losing my mind over it. I NEED ANSWERS!! And more Miggy content, too 😭😭

THE GABY DOODLE HAS KILLED ME - SHES SO CUTE!!! LOOK AT HER CHEEKY SMILE - THE WAY I WOULD'VE CRIED IF I SAW THAT PIC LIVE WITH MIGUEL !!! The Luna de Xelajú mention with Gaby - I hurt myself with that one ngl and I feel you!! I know Gaby has little screen time in the movie but I just love her so much and I wish we had more content of her and Miggy (Sony I'm begging for more content of them happy plssss)!! But no, seriously, I would love to have her in my life and look after her (I would even raise her, let's be real) She's such an angel 🥺🥺

The part with Miguel telling reader about his dreams and her being part of them, and how she interacts with Gaby and Gabriel and how they love her !! And then you also have reader revealing that she loves them, too - AHHH!!! It's like, you guys should marry already pls (Gaby and Gabriel are probably watching from somewhere like, "éstos dos..." 🫠 Gabriel probably tells Gaby that, "Your dad has one of the brightest minds of all time, but he's never been good at this romance thing. So, I guess we need to give him time.")

OK OK OK OK YOUR DOODLE OF MIGUEL SLEEPING AND HOLDING HANDS WITH READER AHHHHH!!!!

He looks so dreamy and cute 🥺🥺🥺 I love it so much I'm just staring at my screen (again) with heart eyes!!!! Thank you Ana ❤️❤️❤️ I'm so happy you liked this moment because I was screaming and ventilating the whole time while writing it!!!!!

AND YES, IT'S HAPPENING, WE OFFICIALLY HAVE THE BEST FRIEND TITLE (almost 200k words later) BUT WE GOT HERE!!!! And we had some hand holding action (I've been waiting for this for months ngl!!!) I'm so proud of them finally admitting it!!!

MIGGY AND YOU, ANA -IM- THEY'RE SO CUTE AND MIGGY LAUGHING 🥺😭I LOVE THIS!!! You guys look so cute!!! I hope you draw your spidersona with Miggy more because they just look so cute together!!!!!! (when do we get a spidersona reveal fr?) BUT SERIOUSLY LOOK AT MIGGY !!! NEED THIS MAN TO SMILE AND LAUGH

Omg and the food and mention- I told you I was going to add the garibaldis and chilaquiles!! I was planning on including them in part 12 but then the flow of the chapter changed, so I decided to leave it for part 13!! I'm glad it made you happy!!! I thought it would be nice since you've told me you love both things (and I also love chilaquiles with all my heart), so I'm happy you loved it!!!! And girl, me, too!!! I want to sit down and drink coffee with Miguel and eat pan dulce, and then have him cook spicy chilaquiles - PLSSS !!!

I'm so so happy you enjoyed this chapter, friend!! I enjoyed reading your live reactions to it hehe, it made my heart explode with happiness!! And please don't apologize, I understand completely about being busy!! I hope school, work, and life in general is going smoothly for you!! I'm rooting for you and again, CONGRATS ON STARTING YOUR NEW MASTERS!!! I'm so, so proud of you 🥹

ALSO NOT YOU SIGNING OFF WITH PINKY FINGER HUGS !!!! AHHHHH I LOVE THAT AND YOU!!! THANK YOU FRIEND!!!!💖💖

Sending you pinky finger hugs back!!! <333

#non violent communication fan art #miguel o'hara #nonviolent communication #miguel ohara #nonviolent communication fanart #asked and answered #the doodle of Gaby - my heart is still hurting from that but in a good way!!! #Thank you for the support Ana ❤️

[coulsons-fullmetal-cellist]

Dieter: Certified DILF

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 833

Summary: Dieter gets a new label in his dad era

Warnings: lots and lots of adorable fluffy goodness, some dirty talk because it is Dieter we’re talking about

Check out masterlist here

If anyone tried to interact with Dieter Bravo several years ago, one would be met with a curt, grumpy reply if lucky. Now, you couldn’t get him to shut up.

His daughter, Clara, was the absolute light of his life, and he would talk to anyone about her, whether they wanted to or not. Everyone got the news when she started crawling, when she could stand one her own and her first steps. Her first words were very important news to anyone and everyone. Her joyous laugher was his ringtone. People would be subjected to watching any video he recently took and the millions of pictures on his phone. Seriously, every conversation seemed to steer towards his baby girl. It would be annoying if Dieter didn’t look so adorably happy as a proud father. The change from sullen grouch to smiling goofball was a welcome change.

You were on your way home with some interesting news to report to him. You opened the door to quiet in the living room. Normally, you got home in time to find them both having a nap. He’d be lying on the couch while Clara would be cuddled up on top of him. You didn’t blame her; he was very pillow-like. You had one too many photos of them both softly snoring away. You crept towards her bedroom, slowly peering through the door. Your husband and daughter were having a tea party. Seated with them were her Winnie the Pooh and Abby the dinosaur. Dieter was wearing his usual pyjama themed attire along with a pink tutu and sparkly tiara. You secretly took a photo of the adorable tableau as it was too cute not to take one. Clara noticed your arrival and waddled up to you, “Mummy!”

“Hi pumpkin!” you knelt down to greet her in a hug.

“Mummy make monsters?”

“Mummy made lots of monsters today.” You noticed she was equally decked out in her own tutu, green this time, as well as her favourite skeleton onesie. “Are you a skeleton today?”

She nodded her little head, “Daddy princess!”

Said princess followed in a curtsy to greet you home. You ruffled the top of her head. She had her father’s mop of crazy curls, so it was hard to tell if it had been brushed today.

“I should probably get started on dinner.”

“No, I’ll do it, honey cakes,” he kissed the top of your head, “We’ve got enough stuff in the fridge for me to make my Leftovers Enchiladas.”

“La das?” Clara was keen, “We have la das?”

“You don’t mind?”

“You had an early start and cupcake wants mummy time.” Her tight hugs were proof of that, so you left him to it.

“What did you have for lunch today?”

“Dino nuggies!”

“And vegetables,” Dieter intercepted poking his head back, “We had a very balanced meal.”

Clara regaled to you about her day with daddy while you helped her tidy up from her tea party until dinner was ready. You managed to convince her to change out of her skeleton onesie so it wouldn’t get dirty. And you had to remind her that ghosts don’t eat so she couldn’t wear her ghost costume and ghosts wouldn’t want to get enchilada sauce on them as well.

 She wanted a monster story at bedtime, so you read to her and then Dieter sang her bedtime song. It was after all that excitement that you remembered you had something to show your husband. “I have to show you this.” You handed him a magazine Debbie gave you at work. Dieter looked confused as he read the cover.

“Dieter Bravo: former bad-boy, now certified DILF. What’s a DILF?”

“You don’t know?” He shook his head, “It stands for Dad I’d like to…your favourite night-time activity.”

“Really?” he opened the magazine to read further, “Wait, this was when I went to the park. Did they take pictures of our baby?”

“Thankfully not, it’s just you with the pram, or I would’ve gone Predator mode.”

“So I get this new label because I’m now a dad?” you nodded, “Why do they have to add a sex label for everything?”

You took the magazine from him a put it on the bedside table. “I don’t know. Society likes labelling people.”

“Do they do this with every parent?”

“Just the sexy ones.”

“You’re sexy, you’re an M I’d definitely like to…” and then he kissed you, “Because you’re the mother of my child,” he stammered and he kept rambling, “Not because you’re some random mother, I don’t have a mother kink. At all!”

You kissed him to reassure that you understood, and he continued, this time in a sultry tone, “Do you want to go through the rest of the alphabet?” but then he startled, “Oh no. Have I turned the alphabet into dirty talk?”

“I think you have.”

“Damn.”

“But we could do K for kissing?”

“I’d like that. And then after K, I’d like to get down to C.”

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @brilliantopposite187 @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic

#pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #dieter x honey cakes #love of horror fanfic #love of horror #dieter bravo fanfic #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter x reader #dieter x f!reader #dieter fanfic #dieter bravo #the bubble netflix #the bubble

[unluckyhoneybee]

The Handsome Artist. 14 (Daniel Ricciardo)

I fucked it. A bad move ends the perfect weekend too soon.

MASTERLIST. Moodboard and Playlist.

Previous part: Lavender Girl.

Note: when I asked what did you think that would happen on this chapter only 1 person got close to it. But yeah, you all have good ideas, I would have choose them if this wasn't already planned.

Warning: panic attack.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" I whispered as I looked at him. Parked in front of the shop, we had been talking about the weekend for a long half an hour. I didn't want it to end that soon.

We had left Michael and Blake at home, as they had come with us. Danny had insisted on leaving them there first and then Blake joked about ho he wanted some alone time.

"Do you want me to stay?" He asked smiling. He was so handsome, it's wasn't fair.

"Of course. I don't have much, but maybe we can find a pizza on the freezer" I said grabbing his hand.

"Sounds really good"

"Let's go then"

Being quite the gentleman, Daniel helped me with my luggage, following me upstairs and being so much agile than the first time he came here. I sighed remembering that, the story he told me on Friday still raw on my mind.

"Welcome"

"You have the prettiest house. It's so cozy and cute" He giggled.

It made me smile.

"Choose any vinyl you want" I said pointing at them. "Do you mind if I change? You can take your shoes off. Get comfortable"

He nodded.

"Go. I'll be here"

It took me longer than expected to get changed. I needed some time of silence, being alone in my room and breathing deeply. The weekend had been awesome. I had forgotten about everything. I had enjoyed like a little kid and could feel how close Danny and I had gotten. We had kissed, we had danced and sang together, we had shared a bed, we had done so many new things together. So many thing you would do with your partner and I had loved every single one of them. On those moments, I tried to not think much about it. Mainly because I suspected that Daniel had started to learn how to read my emotions. Now it felt more real. The insecurity was back.

He was on my living room, shoesless and waiting for me to have dinner and it felt domestic. It felt like something that will definitely should happen. That was meant to happen.

As I went outside and found him walking around the living room, the nerves settled on my stomach. We were completely alone now.

"Hey, I forgot to tell you. I got this for Charlotte" He had a little packet on his hand.

"What?"

"The magnet."

"Shit. I forgot."

"But I remembered. So no problem"

Stupid and adorable, Danny. Always cute and perfect.

"Thank you so much..." I walked to him and took the little paper thing. I opened. It was a little Red Rocks magnet.

"I bought it on the gas station. But when I came out you were talking to Blake and Mike and I forgot completely." He had the softest smile on his face and looked tired as hell. Today the four of us had taken turns on driving, but after the long weekend it was obvious we were all exhausted.

"Thank you very much, really. I don't know how you did it, but she adores you so much. It's insane"

He smiled and cupped my face. He leaned and kissed me slowly. I didn't even know why he did it. But it felt so good. When he pulled back, he was smiling.

"Does she approve me?"

I swallowed.

"She even insists"

He laughed and kissed my forehead. My stomach grumbled.

"Oh fuck."

"Let's eat, pretty girl"

I blushed like crazy and ranaway to the kitchen. He obviously followed me.

We put the pizza on the oven and I sat on the counter. He was sitting in front of me on one chair.

"When is your birthday?"

"Oh" I never thought about telling him. "Second of September."

He smiled.

"Noted"

"Are you gonna buy a gift?"

"A cute houseplant. One easy to take care of. You know, for starters."

We both laughed. The house was like a jungle.

"I'm not sure I can do it" I joked.

He laughed.

"Yeah. I better buy a plastic one".

We shared a long look.

"You had a good weekend, right?"

"It was perfect"

"And today wasn't too much?"

"Nop. I like your friends. They are nice guys."

The second road trip with Blake and Mike sitting on the back of the pink car had been so funny. The three of them were opposites but shared so many things in common. It had been Danny who introduced them and it made sense.

"Chloe asked me for your number."

"Oh fuck, I told her I would give it to her" I said clasping my hand on my mouth.

"She is nice, right?"

"She is. And Scotty is so much like you. It makes a lot of sense now. When you told me how good friends you are... I understand now. And Corey is super nice. Your friends ar good people"

"Our friends. You know that now they are your friends too"

I smiled and looked down at feet.

He got up and walked to me. Softly, he grabbed my knees and pushed my legs apart. He stand between them and I felt I was choking on the air.

I thought he would kiss me, he would start something else, but he did not. He only pressed his forehead on mine and I almost melt.

"You are cute" It spilled out of my mouth, but his giggle made me smile.

"Thank you, lady. So are you"

We stayed like that for long minutes, only breaking apart with the oven ringing.

Daniel let me jump off the counter. I opened the oven and got the pizza ready.

I set it on the table and Danny sat close to me, out knees were touching. The silence was peaceful and warm. It felt good to be just us.

"This pizza is huge." I groaned when we haven't even eaten the half of it.

"Pizza for breakfast is the best breakfast you can get"

"Does Michael agree?"

"No he doesn't."

We laughed together and I felt happy.

"I can't have more. I'm full. I always have to leave the other half frozen or in the fridge. I haven't eaten a full pizza in my whole life." I said after taking a sip of water. "It's like they only make pizza for couples. Or for married old people with a 30 something years old son that barely leaves his room"

"Well, if that's the problem I wouldn't mind to be your boyfriend"

I gasped. What? Now? I'm not ready. I need time. I can't.

In a second, his lips pressed to mine and I felt a wave of panic around me. It hit hard. My chest was feeling tight and I was already shaking.

Danny POV.

I pulled back feeling a shiver around my body. I had kissed her and she didn't kiss back. I looked at my feet, feeling ashamed and just waiting for the floor to open and shallow me.

I looked at her. Her eyes were open, full of tears and her lip was shaking. I took a step back.

Fuck, fuck. I fucked it. I was stupid. How could I do this?

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Abi. I-I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry"

She wasn't moving and I was panicking. Then the first tear fell and she gasped for air. Her chest filled and started moving fast.

"Abigail... Hey..."

Her breath got quicker and she took her hands to her face.

"Abi"

I was starting to panic. She was shaking, breathing hard and silently crying. I had done this to her. But how? We had kissed before. I already had the touch of her lips memorized.

"Abi, baby"

I tried to touch her, but she walked back.

"Abi please"

My heart was beating hard, my hands were shaking. She was having a panic attack. Something like that. I had caused this. I had caused this but didn't know how.

"Abi..."

Her back hit the wall and she finally broke down sobbing. I'd never forget that sound. She was so broken, so scared. Her hands were grabbing her t-shirt and his knees were almost of the point of giving up.

"Daniel, please" She pleaded out of breath.

"What? Tell me. Tell me what do you want?" I walked closer, leaving my hands where she could see them and giving her the chance to grab them if she wanted to.

"M-molly..."

"Do you want me to call Molly?"

She nodded.

"Fine. I will."

I grabbed my phone. I was so scared. She would faint. But I didn't know what to do.

Soon, Molly picked the phone.

"Danny! Did you alrea-"

"Molly, I need you. At Abi's house. S-she is having a panic attack or something."

She tried to walk away, pressing her hands on every surface until she reached the table.

"Okay, Danny. Help her breathing, okay?"

"She wants you here. Come please. I-I fucked up"

The phone call finished. I panted.

"D-Danny"

I saw her, looking at me with big scared eyes.

I walked to her and grabbed her body, keeping her standing just in case her legs failed her.

"It's fine. Sit and breathe with me"

She sat and her hand grabbed my shirt, pulling me down until I had knelt.

"C'mon, Abi. Breathe in"

She nodded and followed my instruction. I was just trying to reproduce Michael's step when this had happened to me.

"Breathe out"

We kept doing it for a while.

"It's fine, you are doing so good." I said touching her fingers. She gripped mine and nodded.

She let herself fall back on the chair.

"It's okay. I'm so sorry, Abi. I'm so sorry" I kissed her knuckles and my first tear fell. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeper.

Then she calmed and completely closed down. I saw how she turned her body away from me and her hand left mine. I fell my whole world falling apart. After the most perfect two days, it was done. She stayed like that, ignoring me until I heard the door opening.

"Get out" She was furious.

I didn't even had time to move, a hand pulled me and I almost fall flat on my ass.

"Get the fuck out, Ricciardo"

"Molly..."

"Leave."

She pushed me far from Abi and hugged her.

"I don't want you here when I come out"

They walked away from me and went to Abi's bedroom.

I didn't want to leave. I wanted to explain Molly what happened. I wanted to tell her that I meant no harm. I couldn't leave because if I did everything would be over. And I couldn't lose Abi. Not now that everything was going perfectly. Not after the weekend.

So I waited. I sat on the sofa and picked my nails. I waited for long minutes, hearing Abi crying from the other side of the door and wanting nothing more than to run there and hug her. I had done this to her, I wanted to be the one who solved it. I wanted to help her.

I didn't notice how my own tears were falling to the carpet until I heard the door. I looked up and they clowded my sight. Harshly, I run my fist over my eyes.

"What are you still doing here?"

"How is she?"

"Asleep. I told you to leave"

"Let me explain"

"No, I told you once to be careful with her. I thought that by now you'd know her. Fuck. She told you about Arnie? Huh? And even though..."

It clicked. I understood why she was so angry.

"I didn't cheat. I-I mean. We are not a couple, like officialy. But I haven't been with anyone. Not since I know her. I want her."

Molly's shoulders relaxed.

"You didn't?"

I shook my head.

"Then? She doesn't get like that for nothing?"

I felt nausea hitting.

"I-I kissed her... Listen, she kissed me there! We have been like kissing nonstop. We were fine, we have spent all this time together. She hasn't left my side. I-I thought she wanted it too and..."

"Hey. Breathe." She touched my shoulder and sat next to me. "I don't need to panic attacks in one night."

I look at her.

"I didn't want this to happen."

"Obviously you didn't want." She chuckled. "Listen... She... After what happened to Arnie she fell in this... Hole? Yeah. She was really really bad. It was hard, but she finally won and came out of it."

I frowned.

"I'm not the one who should tell you. It's on her hand. I will take her to her therapist as soon as possible."

"I can't lose her" I whispered.

"You won't. It's not what she wants. She just gets anxious sometimes. It's... Like PTS. Or something. I don't really know."

I was so confused. How could a kiss cause all of this?

"Daniel. Take it slow if you can. If you don't... Please cut it. And do it soon. I don't want to see her again like that. She needs time. She has been doing so well with you. She is really happy now."

"Molly, I..." I took a deep breath. "I can wait."

"Then wait."

"I thought today was the day." I whispered. "I didn't know this would happen. I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend."

"It's not your fault, Danny" She smiled and grabbed my hand. "There was no way you could know. But if she didn't tell you I'm no one to do it. She maybe thinks you are going to run away or something if she does."

I felt a shiver running over me. How could I run away?

"She has a low self steem. It's better now, but she doubts a lot. She thinks she is not enough for you, Danny. But hey, don't tell her I told you"

"I won't."

We stayed in silence for a while. My own thoughts eating me alive.

"Tomorrow... Send her a little text. Something. Because I know her well and she will freak out the moment she opens her eye."

I nodded. I looked at her.

"Molly"

"Yes"

"What do you do if this happens?"

She sighed.

"You did well. The first thing is helping with her breath. And then she usually closes herself. I don't really know how to explain it. She doesn't speak in a while. Basically because she is probably exhausted. Mentally exhausted. She likes to be held. She likes warm things. A blanket. She has dozens. They are everywhere." We both chuckled. It sounded like her. "The most important thing is remind her she is not alone"

I nodded. I wanted to be ready. I wanted to help her.

"Okay."

"Sorry for trying to kick you out. When you said that thing... I will cut your balls if you dare to cheat on her"

"I won't." I swallowed. "Can I tell you something?"

She nodded.

"Yesterday, right after the concert, my friend invited some people over. Abi went to sleep early, she looked tired. And... There was this girl in there."

She lift an eyebrow.

"Shh. This girl wanted something with me, I'm sure. But when I looked at her? Nothing. She was pretty, yes. And in theory I'm single. But I felt nothing. And let me tell you that I haven't got much action since I met Abi. But when I looked at this girl, I didn't even felt a what if. You know? When you have someone and see another person and go like, if I was single... "

She smiled and nodded.

"You like her a lot."

I blushed and nodded. I decided to not tell her about how we had shared that uncomfortable sofa. Abi had told me enough about Molly to know she would freak out.

"A lot."

"She will be alright. She needs a good talk, some time and then she will go back to you. Whenever she feels ready."

I smiled a bit.

"I will be waiting for her"

We fell into silence again and soon sleep hitted me. I still had a good half an hour drive home.

"I'm gonna leave."

"Yeah. I will stay here with her."

"Thank you for helping. I was loosing my shit"

"It happened to me the first time too"

We said goodbye with a hug and soon I was on my car.

I was in. I was ready for Abi. I would give her whatever she needed. I wanted to be with her.

Me: hey, Abi.

Me: I'm so sorry about tonight.

Me: I can't wait to see you.

Me: Whenever you feel ready, I'll be there for you.

Me: ❤️

Oh sweet sweet angsty stuff.

Next part: Santa Mónica.

Taglist: @controsnes   @thybulleric   @ln15  @lcuppo  @priylodhasstuff  @shadowbowgirl13   @txtflxx @scotlynaurora  @chxrryrose  @f1-incorrect-s @yearsof-war @earfquak3

#Daniel ricciardo #the handsome artist #Dr #Fic #Angsty #F1

[caralara]

What’s your most favorite Louis moment that remembering it fills your heart with love and light?

Oh my god anon… ummm, I don’t know if you were thinking general but I’m gonna go with my personal highlights with Louis.

I think number one was in Donny, @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk and I were in an insanely good mood, and because we’re both very active dancers, we had quite some space around us after the first couple songs, and even though we were maybe sixth row, we had stellar view bc the literal gym the show was held was so tiny.

So, here we stood, feeling ourselves and going nuts for Louis, celebrating Michael’s solos and very obnoxiously made a show of us knowing all the words to 7 and Beautiful War lol, which Louis very much appreciated (he’d pointed me & my energy for his music out before at other gigs, so he might have recognised the lunatics going absolutely batshit crazy) but then - he sang Change. And like. I was mostly at the gigs of the first half of the tour, so I’ve only ever heard it once or twice live before and just hadn’t come around to properly learning the lyrics. So we had just gone absolutely crazy, making a show of it, too, and then we kind of… awkwardly hummed along to change. Like, don’t get me wrong, we were enthusiastic about it, but we literally simply didn’t know the words apart from the chorus lmao so we went from jumping scream-singing to awkwardly swaying and desperately trying to get out from under Louis’ gaze because - of course he was watching us. And he kept singing and we kept awkwardly swaying and mumbling the words looking all about this gym to the point that Louis was so amused he laughed about us, even drew michael’s attention to us to cheekily make fun of us. But it was just so pure. And we really did bring it onto ourselves. After that, we went crazy again and Michael actually threw his pick specifically to me after his solo as a thank you, in the middle of the gig - so I think we’re good. I really will never forget that, it was such camaraderie, loving teasing and it was just so much fun.

I think second favourite was Denver, because I had Center barricade and the whole show was completely different than expected but because it was the one show Louis was pissed off, it just was - let me explain. I was absolutely delighted to be Center barricade, but the moment Louis stepped onto stage, I knew something was wrong. And he was really upset (was it the teeny fans singing 1D songs in front of his tour bus while he was trying to sleep? Was it smth BTS? Idk) but to make matters worse within the first minute someone threw the infamous chicken nugget which hit him in the head. So he was proper pissed off, spent the first third of the show singing basically with his eyes closed. And I just - I didn’t know what to do? He was so close? And I wanted to comfort so badly, know what’s wrong, tell him everything will be alright. Slowly, he opened his eyes more and more and sought out contact with us fans at barricade, and it felt like he found what he was looking for, drawing from us and our support and opening up and relaxing. It was beautiful. I had the most emotional intense connection to him that show. Funny how the universe forces me to enjoy these moments, I basically have the barricade curse of my phone alerting to full storage as soon as I’ve taken two videos at barricade lol. But yeah. Will cherish that show forever although it scared the crap out of me.

Third is probably him leaning over me in London and screaming Little Black Dress at each other and that fucking smirk. Yes.

Casually walking over about to change my fucking understanding of the world

Or when he came out after the show in Dallas and we briefly talked, with not too many people around, bc they all thought he’d come out a different exit. Was amazing. He’s exactly my height but all I could think was that he’s got a whole lot less body than me lmao but that he’s also got an authority that makes him feel incredibly large.

#anon #so sorry this got long #but I started reminiscing #and my god #now I’m smiling like an idiot #my entire view of Louis #and my relationship to him #has changed so much #from Dallas to donny #like it’s insane #did you know your body releases the same hormones #as it does for falling In love #when you sing together with a person #basically falling in love with Louis #over and over and over again #lol #thank you for the anon #and the chance to pull up those memories #i Love Louis #so so much #god #love of my life

[sometimes-surveys]

36.

Have you ever cut your own hair? - Yes, I'm pretty good at cutting hair.

What do you eat most frequently? - Rice and pasta. I grew up not so well off, so we always had rice or pasta as a side dish or the main dish. You can buy a lot of it for cheap, and it's filling, so I guess that mentality of always having it on our plates stuck with me.

Are you a fan of video games? - I am! I don't play them as much as I used to, though.

What's your favorite color combination? - I love red and black, but I just really love black so I think it goes with just about everything.

Did you share a locker at school? - I'm pretty sure I shared with a couple friends in high school, out of convenience. Like, if a friend had a locker on the English hall, I'd ask to keep my English stuff in it so I didn't have to drag around my big ass literature book. And same for the rest of the subjects.

What's one sport you could never play? - Football. I've played it before but I'm too much of a wuss to get tackled repeatedly.

Blue or black ink? - Black, I guess.

Have you ever sang karaoke? - Yeah, just at home with my husband and once at my parents' house with them.

What was the last concert you attended? - The Used, on Valentine's Day, in 2020.

Have you held anyone's hand in the past week? - Yes, I hold my husband's hand all the time.

What's your favorite perfume/body spray/cologne? - I just started getting into body sprays/perfumes again. I developed an allergy to them in my twenties, so I never wore them. Now I'm easing back into it with body sprays from Bath and Body Works. So far, so good. And I just like food scented ones, haha. One of my favorites is like a blueberry pancake scent. Smells so good.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? - Depends on what I'm doing. But usually anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour.

What is the oldest age you think should wear makeup? - Uh...I don't know. You can wear makeup at any age, in my opinion.

How old were you when you went on your first date? - Wait, I kinda want to talk about what was supposed to be my first date. So, I was fifteen, and I got asked on a date to the movies. My mom and my "aunt" (my mom's best friend at the time that lived with us) made a huge deal about it. My mom did my hair all special and ironed my clothes, my aunt painted my nails and I remember letting me borrow a few spritz of this really expensive perfume she used to wear. We went to Target to get candy for me to sneak in, and it was just really exciting. Then we waited at the movies for him to show up. He never did. I remember crying and going home feeling so shitty. My mom and aunt weren't going to let me feel like that for long. We went home, I changed into my normal clothes, and we drove Downtown and shopped, ate, and basically had a girls night out. Then we came across this limo, that my mom was convinced contained Mel Gibson (her celebrity crush before he went nuts or whatever, and I guess she read or saw somewhere that he was here to film or whatever), so we literally spent the evening chasing it in the car and following it around like a bunch of crazy fans, haha. It was such a fun time. So, anyway, Monday rolls around and it's time to face the boy that asked me out (he was in my class) and he tells me, "I know I left you hanging on Friday, would you want to maybe try again this weekend?" And because there was no sympathy in his voice, and he didn't even start off with a "sorry I stood you up," I said, in a voice loud enough for the whole class to hear, "Ew, leave me alone. I'm not interested in you." And we never talked again, until he started dating one of my friends that cheated on him and I said 100% nothing about it. But anyway, I was sixteen when I went on my first date and he ended up being my first relationship.

What's your nationality(ies)? - American.

Are you an open book? - On here, hell yeah. Nobody I know reads this shit. And sometimes in real life, but there are some things I'll keep to myself. Other than that, I am an open book if I like you enough and you ask the right questions.

Do you think you're a good secret keeper? - I certainly am.

Name one fashion trend you could never follow. - Haha, I was just talking about this the other day. Cropped everything. T-shirts are cropped. Blouses are cropped. Sweaters are cropped. EVERYTHING is cropped! It's so annoying because I don't have a body for cropped clothing. And it's also annoying because it'll be something slightly pricey, but it's like...hello, I'm paying for half a shirt, shouldn't it be half the price?

Do you prefer long hair or short hair? - On myself? I like the way long hair looks on me, but short hair is so much easier to maintain.

When do you plan to go to sleep tonight? - We go in the bedroom at like 10PM, but a lot of the time my husband will go to sleep before me.

Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? If so, who? - Yes. Multiple partners and doctors.

What exotic animal would you love to have as a pet? - If it was acceptable to do it? A bat. I would love a pet bat. Specifically a flying fox.

Do you want kids when you're older? - No.

Did your parents sign you up for anything you hated as a child? - Yeah, my mom wanted us to be in the church equivalent of Girl/Boy Scouts. It was called Royal Rangers (for boys) and Daises/Prims/Stars (for girls). I hated it so much but because all the other kids we went to church with were in it, she wanted us to do it, too.

Where's your cell phone? - On the charger, on the printer, on the side table about six feet to my right.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? - Probably the chicken.

What are your feelings about Octomom? - I forgot about that woman. Her kids have gotta be teenagers by now, right?

Do you know of Smosh? - Yes. I had a friend that was 100% in love with Anthony and thought he was the hottest thing ever. She forced me to watch their videos all the time back in high school. Like, these were the early days of Smosh when they made music videos to like, Pokemon's theme song and Mortal Kombat.

Do you drink enough water daily? - I could drink more, I'm sure.

Is your diet healthy? - Lately? No. But it usually is. I've been eating a lot of leftover Halloween candy and anniversary cake, quick foods instead of home cooked meals, and I've had alcohol like three times in two weeks which is unlike me. I need a reset and to clean up my act.

What's your favorite fruit? - Pineapple.

What was your favorite Halloween costume? - That I've ever done? I was a 50s, zombie, housewife. I got so many compliments on the makeup I did. I stuck rice on my face with eyelash glue in the "decay"  to look like maggots, and it tripped everyone out, haha.

Have you purchased any cool objects from a foreign country? - I'm sure a lot of things I own were made in other countries, so yes. But have I traveled to those countries and brought back souvenirs or whatever? No.

Are you on a laptop or a desktop computer right now? - Laptop.

Where do you plan to post this survey? - Here, on Tumblr.

Do you remember anyone's number by heart? - My husband's, my mom's, my grandma's house phone number.

Are you a morning person or a late night owl? - Late night owl, for sure.

Name something you will never try in your lifetime. - Skydiving.

What do you think is your biggest flaw? - Hmm, let's not pull at that thread.

First physical trait you notice in the sex you're attracted to? - Eyes.

How about personality wise? - Their sense of humor.

Are you sick often? - Not really, thank goodness.

Would you rather have strept throat or an ear infection? - I think it's just "strep" and I guess I would rather have that. I don't think I've ever had an ear infection, but I have had impacted earwax before as a child and if it's anything like that, no thanks.

When did you last shower? - Yesterday.

Do you have neat handwriting? - Yes.

Are you a messy or organized person? - I'm mostly organized.

At what age do you hope to get married? - I'm married now at 34, and I got married when I was 32.

Is being thin really all that great? - Pfft, I don't know, I haven't been in single digit clothing sizes since high school.

Which of the seven deadly sins do you think you're most guilty of? - Probably envy.

How much time have you spent on the computer today? - However long this survey is taking me to do. I'm guessing like twenty or thirty minutes so far.

What size shoe are you? - A nine in women's. Sometimes 9.5. It really just depends on the shoe because I've also fit into 8.5 before.

How was the weather today? - It's cloudy and warm.

Do you live above, below, or on the Equator? - Above.

Do you know how to use Photoshop? - No.

Admit it, you're thinking about someone right now. - Not really.

Where is he/she? - ^

Where was your first job? - At this Americanized Mexican restaurant.

Favorite year in high school? - I guess my sophomore year was pretty good.

East or West? - I live in the east of the US.

Where did your first kiss take place? - I think in a Target, that or someone's house. I can't remember which kiss came first.

What color do you wear most often? - Black.

Who was the last person you talked on the phone to? - My mom.

Have you ever done your own laundry? - Of course. I've been doing my own laundry since I was like, 11.

Have you ever been to a night club? - Yes.

Are you allergic to anything? - Walnuts, cashews, bananas, aspirin.

What's the best place you have ever eaten? - My mom's house, hahaha.

Do you own a hair straightener? - Yes.

Are you barefoot right now? - No, I have my slides on.

Are you subscribed to any magazine? - No.

Puppies or kittens? - Puppies.

If you had a billion dollars, where would your first investment be made? - Purchasing this house and remodeling and fixing everything that's wrong with it.

Who is the best artist you've seen live? - The Used.

Any major plans coming up this week? - Not really. I guess voting on Tuesday? Haha.

Did you know they never told you Arnold's last name in Hey, Arnold? - I'm pretty sure that mystery was solved. Isn't it Shortman? And that's why the grandpa always called him "Short man."

Would you rather watch a romantic comedy or watch a thrilling horror movie? - Thrilling horror movie.

Why is Paris Hilton famous? - Her dad is rich and she used to be an "It girl."

How is your hair styled right now? - It's in braids.

Favorite person that you've talked to today? - My husband.

Do you need AC right now? - It's on right now, yes, even though it's fucking November. ):<

What do you think about cheating/cheaters? - I've been cheated on, and I've been the cheater. It sucks to be both and I've learned from my mistakes.

Do more people call you by a nickname or your first name? - Nickname.

Name something you're proud of. - Some of my art.

How much does it suck to learn something 'the hard way?' - I think it sucks more when there are people around to give you the ol', "I told you so," haha.

Are you a hopeless romantic? - Not hopeless. No.

How do you feel about couples who say 'I love you' too soon? - I hate that whole "saying it too soon" shit. I told my husband I loved him a month after we were exclusive. I knew him as a person and a friend before I knew him as a lover and a partner. And I loved the person he was, and I love the person he is. It's cheesy, but I remember him putting a quote I said to him on his Facebook wall when he still used it, and it sums up what I think about the whole saying "I love you" issue: "Love is a feeling, not a time-bomb." Meaning, there is no right time to say it. No time limit. You just say it when you feel it.

What's the most recent favor you've done for somebody? - I don't know. I guess I paid for dinner last night, but my husband and I switch who does all the time, so it's not really a favor to me.

Are you at home right now? - Yes.

What did you last spend money on? - A lottery ticket, haha.

Does any accent annoy you? - No.

How about turn you on? - I think German accents are kind of sexy, but that just stems from me being a dork and being in love with Nightcrawler from X-Men when I was younger.

Are you wearing any jewelry? - Just the jewelry in my face and my nipples.

Do you get along better with your mom or your dad? - I get along with them pretty equally nowadays, but I used to only really get along with my dad.

Are you craving anything right now? - No.

What's worse: Crocs or Uggs? - I like them both! I guess Uggs though, from an ethical standpoint.

Do you knock before you open doors? - Of course.

Do you know what a sock on the doorknob means? - No, but I just asked my husband. This is his answer, "Means somebody fuckin' in there."

Chocolate or vanilla? - Vanilla.

What's your zodiac sign? - Aries.

Does Fred from Youtube annoy you? - Hahaha, I forgot about that guy. The friend from earlier that was obsessed with Smosh? She thought Fred was hilarious, too. He was far from tolerable but I didn't hate him or anything.

#survey #surveys

[largesunglasses]

I don't know if anybody else ever gets that feeling after a concert of missing the experience that they just had. I'm feeling that right now that like wow that was so awesome and I loved that and like I danced my little butt off. I sang along to all the songs I was motion to come up towards the stage when people started going up towards the stage by one of the backup singers because I was feeling like I shouldn't and then he was like no do it. But I had it two nights in a row so I feel like I'm missing an even more.

Last night one of the ladies sitting next to us said she saw us the night before and I asked if she really did. Her answer was yeah. I asked why you weren't going to Tanglewood and then I saw you cried during only one. And then I was like oh you really did see me. Crazy small world she lives like three towns over from me. If her kids continue to go to public school, it's one of the three towns that goes to middle and high school with the town that my niece and nephew live in. We then realized that I met her 4 years ago at Tanglewood and she was one of the people who helped me get up to the front to get my autographs and selfie before she got her own kid to get a picture. When I thought she was who I thought she was, I started to tell a story that she had told me that night about when she got married and she was freaking out because 4 years later I remember this story and we're meeting again. The cherry on top was her brother-in-law lives on my street!!! She asked me where my tickets were for the Boston show in August and they told her I wasn't sure and I couldn't get any service inside the venue so I couldn't look. Then I was just thinking about it and I looked it up and saw I was in section 102 and I know this is going to sound so very stupid but for a second I was upset that I wasn't going to be like in the first of the sections. Usually the floor seats. If you will our sections like one, two, three or ABC and then the next section start with 100 and then the next section's upper in the 200s. This is a new venue in Boston like behind Fenway so I have no clue what the seating looks like. I just went on the website to kind of see if I can find the seating chart and section 102 is the first section in the center. And I'm sitting in row C. And I know this probably I'm all sounds so stupid but I'm so excited. That feeling when you get to like vibe with the singer and the backup singers and the band it's just like amazing. Last night my friend and I were helping people over our seat so they could go up front towards the stage when people were doing that. I was having them go in front of me because I want everybody to have the feeling that I have. I want to share that with everybody. After these two nights I feel like the JT community is really kind of cool. People were awesome about our shirts. People were taking to us and making friends and it just felt really good. I wish I wasn't working Monday so I could go to Tanglewood.

Honestly I know it sounds excessive but I can't describe the feeling I get during these concerts. Or the times I wanted to do things I could never take back and didn't because of his music. The people I wouldn't be here for anymore or get to love if it wasn't for his music. If people think I'm weird or crazy that's ok. If someone got mad because I stood up during Mexico last night (I've never been to a concert that we don't stand for Mexico) that's ok too. I had a blast and I'm happy.

#this was a long ramble post about jt

[surebabyholdback]

The first time you died, and they brought you back, I remember visiting you in the ICU, just me and mom.

You were still trying to wake up from all the drugs and anesthesia, but you kept stirring and talking a little, so mom told me to play some music on my phone for you. I went to your playlist I had made and I was at a loss, so I asked her what I should play.

“I don’t know,” she said, “play our song.”

So I put on “High Enough” by Damn Yankees and she started singing to you.

I don't want to hear about it anymore. It's a shame I've got to live without you anymore. There's a fire in my heart, a pounding in my brain it's driving me crazy.

We don't need to talk about it anymore. Yesterday's just a memory, can we close the door? I just made one mistake, I didn't know what to say when you called me “baby.”

Don't say goodnight, say you're gonna stay forever, oh-whoa, all the way. Can you take me high enough? To fly me over (fly me over) yesterday? Can you take me high enough? It's never over. And yesterday is just a memory. Yesterday is just a memory.

And I don't want to live without you anymore. Can't you see I'm in misery? And you know for sure I would live and die for you and I'd know just what to do when you call me "baby."

As she sang the lyrics over you and stroked your hand, you stirred but you never opened your eyes. I started to get choked up, and as the song was about to end I asked mom, “What next? Maybe something not so depressing?”

She told me to play one of your favorites, “Whipping Post,” by the Allman Brothers.

As the guitars started chugging and the keys joined in, you started moving your feet back and forth to the beat. I sang us through the first verse, sniffling and wiping away tears. Then we got to the chorus, you opened your eyes and ever so softly sang -

Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel, like I've been tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post. Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'.

As you said the last line, I looked right at mom and burst out laughing. The lyrics were hitting a little too close to home. I think if I didn’t laugh, I would have sobbed.

“You sure know how to pick the songs today, huh?” I told her, looking back down at you. You had already gone back to sleep. I was just thankful there was still some of you left in there.

Later on, we found out there really was no hope. There wasn’t enough time for a transplant. Mom was so hurt, “Why would they bring him back if they knew he was still just going to die, again?”

They said it was to give us more time.

“More time for what? More time to suffer?” Mom cried.

I didn’t really know what to say. I could tell she felt the same way I did, grateful you were alive but guilty because we knew you were hurting. We were hurting too, seeing you this way every day.

I knew at that moment that I had to cherish whatever time I had left. And I did. When you were in your right mind I would talk to you about our favorite Skynyrd songs and ask you questions about when you were young and you worked as a casino dealer. Picked up dove bars and pop so you could have a snack while we watched Jeopardy. When you weren’t I would play you music or just talk to you, hoping I was reaching you somewhere in there.

But no matter how much “extra” time you get, it’s never enough. There are still so many things neither of us got to say, or do together. Things we both wish we could change. So now I just talk out loud to you, or on here, or whatever feels right at the time. It never feels as right as actually talking to you did.

Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin’.

#personal #dead dad club #grief #whipping post #high enough #doc #free writing

[watchmegetobsessed]

Waiting for you - Harry Styles

❄️ FANFICmas 2020 ❄️

Read more about FANFICmas here!

i wrote it over like a month ago, but kept it for today, i hope yall will like it! it’s a cute bestfriends to lovers fic, so yeah... happy holidays, hope you are having an amazing time!

word count: 13k

masterlist

Harry Styles has been a household name around your home, but not for the reason many would think. While for the rest of the world he was the famous singer, former member of One Direction and recent solo artist, the guy who performs at the biggest arenas, wins awards and sings his heart out through the radio, for you and your mom he was the goofy, curly haired boy who lived across the street with his mum, sister and stepdad.

You still remember all too clear the first time you met him. You and your mum just moved into your new home after the nasty divorce of your parents, ready to start a new life. You’ve barely turned twelve, it was quite the awkward stage of your teenage years, you were still trying to find yourself on the rocky road of growing up. Moving to a whole new town and switching schools were terrifying and you had quite a few nightmares about possible outcomes of being the new girl in the neighborhood.

You and your mum just finished unpacking the dishes in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She rushed to answer it and you wandered behind her, curiously peeking at the guests under her arm as she held the door open.

“Hi! We saw the trucks and thought we would say hi! I’m Anne and this is my son, Harry,” the nice woman greeted your mum and stepping aside she gestured towards the teenage boy standing next to her.

His green eyes fell to you almost immediately and you forgot to breathe for a moment. You were not the kind to crush that easily on guys, well, not until you laid your eyes on Harry. He smirked at you, nodding in your way in such an easy-going manner and you could feel the heat crawling up your neck to your cheeks and ears.

Anne and your mum quickly became good friends. She was the rock your mum definitely needed after such a bad year behind her and you were glad she found support in such a wonderful woman as Anne. Their newly funded friendship got stronger day by day until the two families just… simply felt one.

Growing up the Styles siblings and Anne came and go in your home as if they lived there too. On many occasions you came home from school only to find Anne in the kitchen while your mother wasn’t even home. Anne always knew when your mum was working the night shift at the hospital where she was a nurse and always made sure you had a warm dinner on those evenings, often inviting you over to just stay at theirs while your mum was away working. Birthdays, graduations, Easters and Christmases, they were all spent at either yours or at the Styles home, strengthening the bond between the two families.

You have always had a strong friendship with Gemma, but maybe because you were closer in age or for something else, but you became the closest with Harry. Two peas in a pod, as your mums liked to call the two of you. You weren’t just neighbors or good friends, it was clear to anyone and to both of you as well that you were the best of friends. You were there for each other at the best and worst of times, before and after Harry’s launch to stardom. You were there with him all along, sometimes physically, sometimes just through text messages and reassuring calls when he just needed a piece of his home away from home. Late night calls and talks were your usual when he was on the road and he made sure to only talk about his life after you’ve told him everything about yours, even if the most interesting thing was that you were able to buy three socks for the price of two. Harry listened and cared for everything that happened to you, not letting you think even for a moment that he would forget about his best friend when he is on the other side of the planet.

The two of you grew up together and while his life consisted of concerts, screaming fans, telly appearances and award shows, your mundane everydays went on the same was as any normal young girl’s: you graduated from high school, went to uni and then started a career for yourself. As time was moving it became a little more and more complicated to stay as close as you used to, though, both of you terribly busy with your own personal lives, so the calls, texts and meetings became less frequent, but you were always able to pick up from where you left, it was as easy with him as it could be.

Maybe that’s why you grew to love him in a more than friendly way through the years. Slowly, but surely you started to realize what an amazing man he really was –is. It was impossible not to fall for him, however you valued your close friendship more than to just ruin it with dropping a bomb on Harry. You always thought he doesn’t feel the same way, so you were sadly left with your daydreams and fantasies about him only your bedroom walls heard.

This year it’s gonna be the tenth Christmas you get to celebrate together, quite the anniversary. There were only two years when you didn’t see each other during the holidays, the first one because you and your mum spent it in Canada with some relatives that live there, and the second one was because Harry couldn’t come home a few years ago, having a too tight schedule. But this year, everyone made sure to make it back home in time. Harry called you three month before Christmas to check in if you are still gonna coming home.

“Would be an idiot not to. Can’t wait to stuff my head with cookies!” you chuckled.

“Have you found your sweater yet?” Harry questioned, the muffled noise of the traffic around him broke through the line as he was on his way home when he called.

“Not yet. But I’ve been looking. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna win this year,” you smirked in victory.

“Oh, not so fast with the assumptions, little girl!” he warned you making you laugh.

The two of you had a kind of tradition. Every year, you go on mission to find the ugliest Christmas sweaters one could find, and then perform a chosen song at the karaoke machine after dinner, entertaining the rest of the family. Those performances are the best memories you nurse. Your absolute favorite one was just a couple of years ago when Harry’s sweater was filled with weird looking reindeers in quite inappropriate poses, he even added a glittery pair of sunnies and he sang I Want To Break Free from the Queen. Everyone was on the floor laughing as he took the living room by storm as if it was the Maddison Square Garden filled with thousands of screaming fans, while it was just the five of you.

He won that year, Hell, even you voted on him, giving him the cleanest win of all times, but you swore to live up to that performance and you really feel like this year is gonna be your chance to live up to that promise. You have quite some tricks up your sleeves.

These past couple of years you were anxiously waiting for the holidays to roll around, because you knew you would get to spend so much time with Harry and through the year, even with several occasions of the two of you meeting, you missed him dearly. Sometimes you selfishly wished he would have just stayed the boy across the street so your lives could take tracks that run at least close to each other, but you always reminded yourself that his work was his life and you would have never taken away his true passion and happiness. Besides, you love watching him perform from time to time, that was just one of your favorite sides of him, see his eyes shine so bright as he sang to his fans. You used to envy the fangirls, it always seemed like he had a special connection with them, but you realized that you were one of them. You felt the same excitement when he stepped on the stage, you bought all his albums, even though he made sure you’d be one of the first people to get your hands on it. You had a second copy of them, because buying it gave you the extra jolt of happiness and the feeling that you were a tiny part of his success too. You watched all his music videos, knew the lyrics to his songs and cheered on him whenever he won another award. Difference was that at the end of the day you could call him and tell him how proud you were of him and he stared back at you with that beautiful grin, his dimples digging deep in his cheeks, telling you that he wouldn’t be here without you. You always knew he just said it to make you feel special, but he insisted it was the truth.

“I’m telling you. It you weren’t with me I would have gone crazy already, pulling a Justin Bieber or summat. Don’t think you are any less than what you are, that’s just daft.”

Every time he said something along those lines those damned butterflies in your stomach went crazy and you tried your best to ignore them. You didn’t always succeed, but the effort was there.

 Now it’s two days before Christmas and you are already standing in your old room after coming home from London, leaving your small but cozy little apartment empty until the next year. The walls are still the same lilac color you chose when you were fourteen, a twin bed is pushed against the wall under your window, the wardrobe’s door is littered with old pictures from high school and ones you cut out from magazines. You just never got around to take them down and after a while it brought you a comforting sense every time you came home. A warm nostalgia took over you when you saw them, so they eventually stayed.

Your suitcase is lying on the floor as you unpack some stuff you’ll be using often during your stay, but you don’t get far in the packing when you hear an all too familiar voice coming from downstairs. Leaving your stuff as it is you rush down and throw your arms around Anne from behind, who is standing in the kitchen with your mum.

“My sweet angel! How are you?!” she cheers turning around in your hold to hug you back, giving you a tight squeeze before she pushes you away so she can have a good look on you. “Swear you get prettier every time I see you!”

“Stop it, my head’s gonna get big,” you chuckle feeling yourself blushing a little.

“Never gonna stop praising my daughter,” she smiles and gifts you with a cheeky wink.

Anne was never shy to let you know that she thought of you as a second daughter and you still remember how it felt when she called you that for the first time. It felt nice to know that you could count on her no matter what.

The three of you chat in the kitchen, Anne asks you about your job and how things have been going, she hasn’t seen you in a while. You missed the times when you could just go across the street and have a talk with her whenever you wanted, but since you’ve moved to London, Harry wasn’t the only one you didn’t get to see as often as you would have wanted. Your job and life overall got you so busy sometimes, you barely had time to call your own mum.

“Harry is arriving this evening. Wanna come with us to fetch him up at the airport?” she asks you and of course you say yes. You wouldn’t miss the chance to greet him with a bone crushing hug just after he lands.

However, as the time nears when you’d have to leave to the airport, Anne calls you up and asks if you could go on your own.

“I didn’t finish cooking and Gems is in an online meeting. Would you mind if you went alone?” she asks and though it sounds a little made up, you don’t question her.

On your way to the airport you are nervously drumming on the wheel, the thought of seeing Harry excites and worries you a little. It’s been months since you last seen him in the flesh and though you’ve talked plenty of times on the phone and in video calls, it’s just not the same. You find yourself wondering if he still smells the same, if you’ll fit the same way into his embrace as before. When you were younger you often liked to think about the two of you as two pieces of legos when you hugged. Your frame just fitted so perfectly against his body, he was your absolutely favorite person to hug.

Standing in a corner at the terminal, you keep checking the board until his flight’s status changes to landed. Then your eyes are glued to the sliding glass doors, knowing well it’s gonna take him some time to get his bags and walk out, but you are just way too excited to finally see him again.

People start walking through the doors and your head perks up every time you see a slightly tall frame, only to realize it’s still not him. Until it is.

You can’t bite your growing smile back when you spot him, a beanie and the hood of his hoodie covering his mop of hair, sunnies hiding his eyes, but you’d recognize him even from just the tiniest detail. You push yourself away from the wall as you see him look around, probably searching for his mum and sister, because he was already on his way when Anne decided it’s gonna be you who fetches him up, so he doesn’t know about the change.

“Excuse me, can I get a picture?” you ask teasingly walking up to him and for a moment you can tell he believes it’s a fan who recognized him, but his face quickly changes once his eyes land on you.

“Fo’ fuck’s sake, you had me for a second,” he breathes out, his arms already reaching out to pull you against him and you gladly envelop yourself into his hold. “What are you doing here?” he mumbles tightening his arms around you, and you don’t mind it. As you face is pressed into his shoulder you smile when you realize that he still smells the same. Like home.

“Your mum asked me to come and get you because she didn’t finish cooking. But if you ask me she just wanted to surprise you with me. You happy to see me?” you smirk up at him letting your head fall back so you could look into his eyes.

“Always,” he grins before placing a soft kiss to your temple and letting go of you.

The two of you leave the terminal before anyone could recognize him and packing his stuff up into the car you head back home.

You hand your phone over to him once you hit the road so he can be in charge of the music and it’s no surprise when he starts playing Christmas music straight away. Grinning to yourself you glance over at him and see him scrolling through your camera roll like the nosy little gremlin that he is.

“Hey! I did not give you permission to snoop around my phone!” you warn him, but don’t try to snatch it away from him, there’s really nothing he shouldn’t see, besides, half of those pics have been sent to him through messages.

“Just tryna catch up w’ you,” he mumbles under his breath, continuously opening up photos he is interested in. “New couch, eh?” he asks showing you the screen for a second.

“Yeah, bought it a few weeks ago. You like it?”

“Looks comfy. I should try it out sometime.”

“You never sleep on my couch, what are you talking about?”

“Right, you always drag me t’ your bed,” he snorts and you gasp at him, smacking his chest gently.

“That’s so not true! You always just arbitrarily make yourself comfortable in my bed and I don’t have the heart to kick you out,” you correct him.

There hasn’t been many times when Harry crashed at your place, but when he did, he always slept in your bed with you, and the two of you have shared a bed a few other times prior too. It’s nothing new, though it does have a deeper meaning for you than for him, you think. Waking up with Harry snoring lightly next to you, admiring how peaceful and beautiful he is in this intimate state, you just wish you could see him like this all the time.

Harry smirks at you cheekily, scrunching his nose as he chuckles.

“’Cause I wouldn’t want to sleep anywhere else, Love,” he says before turning his attention back to your phone while you try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the nickname.

It’s quite late by the time you get home, you’ve run into some traffic, but it just meant more time with Harry. You gladly listened to his stories and you are happy you got some alone time with him. Parking up to your driveway you help him unload his bags before locking the car.

“Wanna go to the Christmas market in the morning? Promised Gemma I’d go with her and Michal,” he asks, slowly walking down the driveway towards his home.

“Uh, sure,” you nod smiling. Not that you had any other plans, the holidays are reserved for family and the Styles’ are family.

“Great, I’ll be here at ten. And thanks for the ride,” he smirks waving goodbye and you watch him cross the street before he disappears in his home and you do the same.

“Y/N? Is that you?” your mum calls out when you walk in.

“Were you expecting anyone else?” you ask, hanging your coat before you join her in the living room.

“Not,” she smiles giddily. “Was everything alright at the airport?”

You throw your legs over her lap and she squeezes your ankles playfully.

“Yeah, everything fine.”

“How is Harry?”

“Cheeky and smug, as always,” you huff smirking.

“Can’t wait to see him. I feel like I haven’t seen ‘im in ages.”

“When are they coming over tomorrow?”

“Anne said she’ll come around four to help me cook, the rest I don’t know. Dinner will be done around seven though.”

“I’m pretty sure Gemma and Harry will be here along with Anne,” you snort, knowing well they wouldn’t miss a chance to come over, especially Harry. He has been talking nonstop how he’ll be glued to your hip once he is back home, making up for all the time you’ve spent apart.

“They surely will,” your mum chuckles before you both turn your attention at the telly.

You go to bed way after midnight and finish up the packing you left abruptly when you left to get Harry. Shuffling around in your room you glance out the window and see that the light in Harry’s room is on too. Peeking out you lean against the window’s frame, thinking about the times when the two of you sat in the window, talking on the phone after curfew, keeping your voice down so your parents didn’t wake up, sharing secrets and your silliest thoughts. With Harry, you never felt like you had to keep anything back, he would have never judged you for anything, you could be your true self around him and vice versa.

A tall figure appears at the window and as Harry glances out his window he is quick to see you sitting on the window sill, your head resting against the frame. The two houses are not far away from each other and you see him grinning as he sits at the window as well, pulling out his phone, a moment later yours starts buzzing on the nightstand. You quickly grab it, and go back to the window.

“Creeping on me, eh?” he hums into the phone and you roll your eyes at him.

“Was just admiring the street lights, don’t flatter yourself, your head is getting too big,” you huff, but you can’t push your smirk down.

“Admit it, you were hoping to see me roam around naked, weren’t you?”

“As if I haven’t seen you like that before,” you snort making him laugh too. It’s true, Harry has never been shy to get rid of his clothes and he also doesn’t bother to draw the blinds whenever he is changing. You once saw him butt naked when he was nineteen, and when you told him to close the blinds next time he is changing, he just shrugged with a smug smile.

“’M not ashamed of anything, Love,” he told you and you had to turn away because you were blushing for sure.

“Right, you’re a fan of putting yourself on full display when you’re naked, almost forgot,” you chuckle shaking your head. “Millions of girls have the picture of you, lying naked on their walls.”

“You one of them?” he cheekily asks.

“Nah, doesn’t go well with the vibe of my apartment.”

“Shame. Though I think it would definitely look amazin’ above your bed, Love.”

“Now would it? I don’t know about that.”

“I’ll get you a copy framed,” he smirks and you can see it clear even from the distance. “Y’ know what? I’ll make you an exclusive one. One that nobody else has, how does that sound?”

“I can’t believe you, Styles,” you chuckle shaking your head. “I’m not gonna answer this, just gonna head to bed. You should too.”

“So we’re not sharing any secrets like we used to? Thought you’d have something fo’ me.”

“You know everything, Harry,” you sigh with a soft smile, though your heart skips a beat. He does know everything, except one big, fat, heavy secret you’ve been carrying around for way too long, that will probably stay with you forever.

“Right. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Night, Harry.”

“Good night, Love,” he murmurs and you know he is smiling, thought he steps away from the window as he says goodbye and you do the same before ending the call.

 ***

 “Hey! That’s mine!” you protest as Harry steals another roasted chestnut from your little paper bag, but you can’t stay mad at him when he is smiling at you so sweetly.

“Sorry, tastes better when it’s someone else’s.”

“Sure,” you snort and just let him get as many as he wants. You wouldn’t have eaten it all anyway.

It’s quite cold out in the town, but at least there’s no rain or storm, so the weather didn’t try to ruin your little trip to the Christmas market.

Gemma calls out for Harry to show him something and you just keep wandering between the booths, enjoying the atmosphere quite a lot, you have no idea when was the last time you got to come to the market, though you always loved coming when you were younger.

Finishing up your chestnuts you throw the paper bag into a trash can and turn around to find the rest of your little group, spotting Harry and Gemma deep in discussion next to a booth that offers handmade ceramic mugs. As you walk closer it almost seems like as if they were having a fight, which is just odd, they rarely do that.

“Just get your head out of your arse!” you catch Gemma telling her brother who only groans in frustration before he spots you, a smile plastering across his face.

“Hey, there you are!” he beams.

“Everything alright?” you ask looking at them.

“Sure, just Gemma is being a little nosy, is all,” Harry waves in dismiss. You glance over to Gems, but she is already back in discussion with Michal so you decide to drop it. “You ate all the chestnuts?” Harry asks offended, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Well, it was mine, so of course I ate them!”

“Selfish,” he narrows his eyes at you, but you both know it’s just a joke.

You walk further down in the aisle, occasionally stopping at some of the booth when you spot a place that offers hot chocolate in cute little mugs that you can take home with you if you’d like, or just take it back and get your money back.

“Oh look!” you gasp excitedly and head towards the hot chocolate booth. The old lady smiles brightly at the two of you as you take a look at all the choices. “Oh my god, they have caramel flavored!” you cheer, basically already drooling at the thought of a good, caramel flavored hot chocolate.

“What can I get for the lovely couple?” the lady smiles warmly at the two of you and you freeze at her assumption.

“Oh we—“ you start, but Harry cuts you off.

“A caramel flavored and a plain one, please,” he orders, without even batting an eye about how the lady just called you a couple. You can feel your cheeks heating up at the thought, but you try to calm yourself. He probably just didn’t want to get into explaining that you two are not an item and let her think what she wanted.

The nice lady hands you your mug and you take Harry’s as well as he pays for both of them. You would try to argue with him and pay yours, but you are already used to how stubborn he is and he never lets you split anything, it’s always on him.

“Thank you, have a nice day!” Harry calls out to the lady before the two of you leave. You peek at him handing him his mug, looking for any clue that would give away if this little scene got him just as bothered as it did you, but he looks perfectly fine and relaxed, so you decide not to bring it up. You’re sure he didn’t think much of it.

Your little stroll stretches into the afternoon, the four of you decide to have lunch out there too, then you just opt for a walk in town as Gemma wants to do a quick last minute Christmas shopping, so by the time you get home Anne is already over at yours helping your mum with dinner. Tonight you are all eating at yours, then tomorrow it’s the Styles’ turn to host, this is how you agreed this year.

“Woah, it smells amazing!” you call out walking into the house. The delicious smells fill up the whole place and you hear the two women giggling in the kitchen.

“Hi Honey, how was the market?” your mum greets you, a glass of red wine in her hand and the same goes for Anne.

“Great, we have a new mug,” you say holding up the emptied out hot chocolate mug. Stepping to the sink you wash it quickly and drying off you put it away in one of the cabinets.

You stick around in the kitchen and not so much later Harry comes over, the two of you leave your mums alone and get comfortable in front of the telly.

All channels are filled with holiday movies and you don’t mind, really, you like them all even if you’ve seen them a million times, you still find them funny and cute. Harry feels the same way, so when you settle on Love Actually he doesn’t say a word.

What startles you is that he grabs your ankles and pulls your legs over his lap, a small shriek escaping your mouth since you weren’t expecting him to do that. You’re sitting sideways, your legs are bent at the knee and Harry is kind of hugging them as his eyes are glued to the screen.

You find it rather hard to focus on the movie when Harry’s fingers keep fidgeting on your legs, they keep running up and down, sometimes he lays his hands flat on your knees, there’s no spot he hasn’t touched since you started watching the movie.

About an hour into the film he turns to you and you look at him in question.

“’M in the mood to cuddle,” he announces and starts moving around, not even letting you protest as he basically crawls to your lap, resting his head on your stomach as the two of you lay on the couch.

“Am I now your personal pillow?” you ask chuckling, but you wouldn’t want him to move for anything. Feeling him weigh down on you just feels so warm and simple but amazing.

“The best one,” he mumbles, bringing a hand to your side as you let your fingers comb through his curls.

You keep massaging his scalp and he lets out soft moans when you go over a soft spot, you can’t help but chuckle as he melts under your hands. His fingers start drawing circles on your side and the movie is long forgotten by you, all you can focus on is how great it is to have Harry so close to you. He is known to be a physical person, you are used to hugs and touches, but it seems like he is a little needier now than the usual.

You don’t mind it though, you just try to enjoy the moment, because it can end anytime.

Gemma and Michal come over a little before seven, and while your mums finish up the cooking the four of you set the table. You grab the crystal glasses and start placing them to the table, Harry lending you a hand. Once the table is all set you shuffle into the kitchen to see if there’s anything you can help with, Harry following you behind, placing a hand to the small of your back.

As you stand and wait for you mum to finish up the meals so you can help carry them to the table you feel Harry’s hand wander over to your hip, giving it a squeeze as he stands closer, so his chest is pressed against your back.

“Harry?” you ask a little out of breath.

“Hm?” he innocently hums.

“What’s with you today?” Turning your head to the side your eyes lock with his, but he just shrugs smiling.

“Guess I just missed yeh a lot.”

“You’re weird,” you chuckle shaking your head, but don’t make an effort to push him away. His touch feels way too good to put an end to it and you just want to be selfish a little longer.

His hands leave you when the two of you help to bring the food to the table, and you almost wish they would just return, but you gotta swallow the thought.

The food is amazing, as always. You all sip on some wine, just having a genuinely good time, enjoying that all of you are back at one place, something that rarely happens now that all three of you kids are all grown up.

At one point Harry rests his arm on the back of your chair, no one seems to notice but you. All these little things have been driving you crazy all day and your mind seems to be playing a nasty game with you. There’s no way Harry thinks of these details more than what they are, a friendly gesture towards an old friend of his.

When Gemma is telling a story about some weird guy she met at work Harry reaches up and pushes your hair behind your ear, his finger lingering over your neck a little longer than you would have expected. Turning to face him you give him a questioning look, not sure what to think about his needy and touchy self all of a sudden.

“What?” you mouth him, but he just smiles at you absentmindedly, curling a strand of hair around his finger, playing with it for a moment before letting go of it and going for another lock. You reach up and pull his hand away, feeling yourself heating up from his touch, but when you are about to let go of his hand he grabs yours, lacing your fingers together with yours as he rests them on his thigh.

“Harry…” you breathe out, glancing at the others, relieved to see that they are not paying much attention to the two of you.

“What? Am I not allowed to touch you?” he asks with a smug smirk and you roll your eyes at him.

“As I said, you’re weird,” you mumble under your breath looking down at your now empty plate. Harry gives your hand a squeeze.

“But like, the good kind of weird, yeah?”

“Shut up,” you chuckle shaking your head at him.

You try to tell yourself he is just needy because it’s been so long since you last saw each other. It can’t be more, you push even the smallest thought to the back of your mind, though it surely lingers there throughout the evening.

He helps you with washing the dishes, you stand arm to arm at the sink as you scrub the plates and hand over to him for drying. He gently hums to himself all along, swaying his hips, bumping against yours. At first you resist it, but then you catch the rhythm and start moving along, so your hips meet in the middle before swinging to the opposite side.

“What’s the song?” you ask finishing up the last plate.

“Just something random,” he shrugs smirking over at you. You hand him the last plate, he is still singing, making up gibberish lyrics to his song and once he puts the plate down he throws the kitchen cloth to the counter and easily grabs your waist pulling you against him as he starts swaying with you to his impromptu song. You let out a small shriek at the sudden movement, but eventually melt into his hold. The humming slowly turns into an all too familiar melody as Harry starts singing Sweet Creature into your ear, slow dancing in the kitchen while you hear your mums and Gemma laugh outside somewhere.

Your hands run up his arms and stop behind his neck as you lock your fingers and let him hold you close, his palms are pressed to your waist, fingers gently stroking you through the fabric of your shirt. You take a deep breath and his cologne fills your nose, one of your favorite scents, sometimes you just wish you could spray it on your pillow so it would always smell like him.

“Sweet creature, wherever I go, you bring me home…” he softly sings, leaning back just enough for your eyes to meet. It feels like your heart is about to burst out of your chest, it’s not the first time you feel so intimidated by him, like you could pass out any moment, but this is a little different. As if his eyes were telling you another story, but you can’t completely make up the words.

“Sweet creature, when I run out of road, you bring me home, you’ll bring me home.” He finishes the song, hums the closing melody and you watch him in complete awe. Your lips part when you catch his gaze move down to them and you swear you see him leaning closer, as if he is about to kiss you. Your breath gets caught in your throat, he is so close, just a few more inches and you’d taste those perfect lips of his, the ones you’ve been dreaming about for way too long.

It almost happens, it seems, but just when that last push is about to set in Gemma waltz into the kitchen and you step back faster than light, pushing him away even though the sudden lack of his touch is more painful than you were expecting.

“You guys—Oh, what’s up?” she asks stopping at the door and you feel yourself getting redder with each passing moment, the heat crawling up your neck, ears cheeks, right to the top of your head. What were you thinking? You let yourself believe Harry would ever kiss you, this whole scene was nothing more than just a friendly moment the two of you were sharing.

“I’m—sorry,” you breathe out making your way out of the kitchen, right up to your room to have some well needed space.

“Way to ruin everything,” Harry snickers at his sister.

“You joking? You wanted to kiss her in her mum’s kitchen?” Gemma snaps at him in disbelief.

“We were having a moment,” he mumbles rubbing his face with his hands. “Up until you stomped in with your big mouth.”

“Well, if you were havin’ a moment, just make it happen again.”

“As if it’s that easy, Gemma!” he scoffs throwing his hands in the air.

“Man up and tell her how you feel, don’t have to complicate it too much,” she shrugs before walking out and leaving her brother alone. Harry growls in frustration, the gears in his head turning wildly as he is trying to figure out how to come clear to you about his feelings.

 Meanwhile, up in your room you get out your laptop and busy yourself with checking up on messages and emails you’ve been ignoring, hoping that the uneasy feeling in your chest will ease very soon. Your hands were shaking when you locked yourself up in your room, but as you get focused on other tasks you slowly gain your balance back.

You kind of even forget that the Styles’ were over, you only realize that you abruptly pulled yourself out of the evening when there’s a soft knock on your door.

“Come on in!” you call out and a moment later Harry’s head pops in, eyes softly falling on your sitting figure on the bed. “Hey,” you smile at him faintly.

“Hey. Thought you were sleepin’s or summat.” Coming inside he closes the door behind him then sits on your plush rug in the middle of the room.

“Just… sorted some work related things out,” you sigh.

“Working during the holidays? Tha’s not healthy.”

“I know, I’m done,” you smile shutting the laptop down and putting it aside. “Sorry I disappeared, I just—“

“No worries,” Harry shakes his head. “Mum and Gems went home, they thought you were sleeping too, tha’s why they didn’t say goodbye.”

“Oh, alright.”

“But I thought we could have a sleepover,” he peeks at you with a boyish smile.

“What, like we did in middle school?” you chuckle.

“Yea, thought it would be fun.”

“Well, I don’t think my bed would fit us comfortably and we don’t have the mattress anymore that you used to sleep on,” you tell him looking around.

“Nonsense, I’m not tha’ big,” he insists hopping to his feet and throwing himself on the bed, ignoring that you’re already there. His body takes up more than half on the bed , limbs wrapping around you as he brings you down to the mattress next to him, you can’t help the laugh that leaves your lips.

“You’re like a gigantic baby, Harry!” you laugh as he keeps you down on the bed with his arm.

“It’s perfectly fine for two people,” he mumbles with a smirk, closing his eyes as his head sinks into your pillow.

“Do you ever get no as an answer?” you ask looking at him in awe. You can never get used to seeing him so up close, like not many get to.

“No,” he huffs in satisfaction, his arm bringing you closer to him and you just giggle at him.

“I’m not sleeping just yet, gotta have a shower first.”

“Do what you want, I’ll be here,” he mumbles but you snort at him.

“You’re not sleeping in my bed without having a shower,” you tell him before you grab your pajamas and head to the bathroom.

You have a quick shower and get done with all your evening business. Returning to your room you find Harry sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed as he is scrolling through his phone.

“Does mum know you’re staying over?” you ask him as you throw your used clothes into the hamper, moving around the room while feeling his eyes on you.

“Yeah. ‘S all good.”

“You need a towel?”

“Yes please,” he says pushing himself up from the floor.

“Clothes?” you ask with an arched brow. He just grins at you and it’s enough of an answer. “Here,” you give him the shirt and sweats he has left at yours quite some time ago, along with a clean towel.

“Thanks,” he smirks before leaving to occupy the bathroom.

He doesn’t take long in there, you’re lying in bed already when he returns, smelling like your shower gel, strawberry and melon.

He throws his clothes to the chair in the corner and then lies beside you on the bed. You scoot over to the wall to give him space, but he is quick to bring you closer to him once he has made himself comfortable. You lay your head on his shoulder as you are both scrolling through your phones.

When you had enough, you throw yours to the nightstand, and stay cuddled up to his side.

“Do you remember the last time I slept here?” he asks tossing his phone to the nightstand and bringing his arms around you.

“Mm, was it at my twentieth birthday?”

“Yeah. You were so wasted,” he chuckles and you smirk to yourself

“But you took good care of me.”

“I did. You were so cute, rambling about how much you love me when I took you home from the pub.”

You bite into your bottom lip. You still remember that night vividly. Your birthday party had gone a little wild and you had gotten drunker than you intended to. Luckily, he was there to bring your home and he stayed in the bathroom with you as you threw up everything you ate and drank that evening. Then he made you take a shower, got you fresh clothes out and helped you get into bed. He slept next to you that night, holding you in his arms, gently caressing your back and upper arm as you fell into your drunken slumber. In the morning you told yourself he just did what any other friend would do, helping you out when you were clearly knocked out, but he made you breakfast in the morning since your mum was working all night and morning and he stayed over later the afternoon to make sure you were alright.

What you told him in your drunken state about loving him, it wasn’t just your friendly side, it was your drunken self coming clear to him, telling him that you are in love with him, but he didn’t take it seriously and you were too ashamed and awkward to even bring it up to him after that, so it was all forgotten very soon.

Following that you planned on telling him how you feel, several times. You even wrote a little speech you planned to give him when the time comes, but you couldn’t do it. The fear of losing him if he doesn’t feel the same was stronger than you expected and every time you had the chance to come clear, you chickened out. The thought of losing him as a friend is way worse than having to push your feelings down... forever. You just can’t imagine your life without Harry in it and you can’t risk losing him.

The two of you talk for quite a while, laughing about the good old times, until you both fall asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night you wake up and feel Harry wrapped around you, his head lying on your chest as he is snoring softly. He truly is like a big baby, an arm thrown over your stomach, his legs tangled with yours. Good Lord, how amazing it feels to have him so close to you!

Reaching up you tangle your fingers through his hair gently so he doesn’t wake up, his soft curls glide between your fingers easily and lifting your head you kiss the top of his head before letting yourself drift back to sleep.

When you open your eyes the next time the situation is the opposite, you are the one cuddled up to Harry’s side who is scrolling through his phone with one hand, keeping the other one on your arm.

“Mornin’, sleepy head,” he chuckles softly when he sees you awake.

“Mmm, what time is it?” you ask letting your head rest on his chest a little longer.

“Quarter to nine. You can sleep a little more if you want, it’s not that late.”

“No, I promised mum I’d help her wrap gifts,” you sigh rolling over to your stomach as you push yourself up to your elbows to look at him. “Love the double chin you got going there,” you tease him sleepily and he just smirks.

“Yea? Quite cute, right? Worked a lot on it,” he jokes running his finger over it before letting out a chuckle. “Ready for our battle today?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be. You are going down this year, Styles,” you tell him pushing yourself up into a sitting position. Harry only pushes himself further on the bed enough to rest his head against the headboard.

“Oh really? I wouldn’t be that sure about tha’,” he warns you, but you are feeling pretty confident about your performance this year. There’s no way he can top it.

“We’ll see. Alright, I need a coffee. Want something for breakfast?” you ask him crawling out of the bed.

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

Your mum is already in the kitchen, sipping on her morning coffee while reading the paper. She doesn’t find it even a bit weird that Harry spent the night at yours, it’s been quite the usual for you. Harry helps you make eggs and bacon and the three of you eat together, having a lovely time and you genuinely feel like it’s just like in the good old times when you were still living home and Harry wasn’t Harry Styles, but the boy from across the street.

He goes home after breakfast to help his own mum with the cooking for tonight’s dinner and you don’t do much for the rest of the day, just spend time with your mum, watch movies and relax. It’s nice to unwind after such a busy year behind you.

Not long before five you go to take a shower and get ready to head over to the Styles’ and you pack everything you’ll need for the evening: gifts, ugly sweater, accessories. Harry is going down this year for sure.

It’s a little past six when you and your mum walk across the street, Anne’s Christmas lights are putting the little town house into the spirit for sure. You don’t even ring the bell, just walk straight in, like you always do. The Christmas tree stands tall in their living room and the table is already nicely set. Gemma and Michal are snuggled up on the couch while Harry is helping Anne in the kitchen with the finishing touches.

“I’m rooting for you this year,” Gemma winks at you when you set down your bag in the corner that has everything you’ll need for your performance.

“He’s gonna lose this round,” you smirk proudly, very sure in yourself.

Harry greets you with a bright smile and a tight hug when he walks into the living room, as if you didn’t just see each other a few hours earlier.

When the food is ready you all sit down to eat, and though you’re trying your best to focus on the conversation, you’re getting excited about tonight’s karaoke battle.

“Anxious much?” Harry asks you quietly.

“Why are you asking?”

He doesn’t answer, just places a hand to your thigh stopping it from shaking, making you realize you’ve been probably bouncing it all along. He smirks at you as you just roll your eyes at him.

“’S okay, you can handle one more year of losing,” he teases you and you give him an arched eyebrow.

“Don’t be so full of yourself, Harry,” you warn him, but he just squeezes your thigh again before bringing his hands back up to the table, leaving you a little breathless with his touch.

You all help clean up the table after dinner and when it’s done, you gather in the living room to open gifts.

When Harry’s career launched, the first few years you felt anxious about gifting him, because you felt like you couldn’t give him enough. He had all the money and bought everything he needed for himself, there wasn’t much you could give him. But when one time, you admitted to him this struggle of yours he assured you that it doesn’t matter what you give him, it’ll always be precious to him.

“You thought about me, you took the time to buy something for me, and that’s more than enough, Y/N,” he told you and though it took you time, but you got used to it. Especially when you saw the same excitement in his eyes every time you gifted something to him, you slowly but surely realized he wasn’t expecting a Gucci suit, but a thoughtful gesture.

Gathering in the living room you open the presents one by one and just as always, everyone was quite creative with the gifts. You can’t help but still feel a little anxious when Harry grabs his gift from you. Giving you an excited look he unties the little bow on the top and tears the wrapping paper off.

“Y/N!” he breathes out, eyes softening as he pulls the knitted cardigan out of the box.

“I always saw you wearing all sorts of cardigans and so I finally had a reason to learn how to knit, so I thought I would make one for you,” you ramble as he holds up the baby blue cardigan that has little daisies all over the front. It took you an entire week to just make the daisies, you worked on the whole cardigan for more than two months, usually in the middle of the night, staying up until unholy hours to finish in time.

But Harry’s smile is worth it all, he is beaming, clearly so in love with what you made him, so you breathe out relieved. He then puts it aside and wraps his arms around you pulling you into the tightest hug.

“Thank you, I love it so much,” he mumbles and kisses your temple and you breathe in his sweet scent, burying yourself in his embrace, hugging his waist.

When you part, Harry reaches for a box from under the tree and hands it to you, a nervous smile tugging on his lips. You can tell he wrapped the gift himself, the silver wrapping paper is a little uneven, but the huge rainbow colored bow on the top is the perfect touch that makes it like a piece of him.

You carefully tear the paper off, peeking inside you just see a plain box that doesn’t give much away. Glancing up at Harry you see how he is anxiously biting his bottom lip, even though you’d be happy with a gift as small as a candle. It’s the thought that counts.

“I-I wasn’t sure if this was the one you mentioned to me, so I hope it’s gonna be alright,” he mumbles, eyes fixed on your hands as they open the box, while you try to think back what you have told him about that caught his attention, but you just can’t recall what you wanted to get so badly you told Harry about it.

As you open the box you don’t process what it is immediately, the plastic wrapper making it hard to figure it out, but when you carefully pull out the object, you gasp in surprise.

“Harry!” you breathe out as you pull off the plastic of the old, vintage polaroid camera. It’s not one of these new types you can buy in stores easily, this is a classic, must have quite a history behind it.

Now you vaguely remember talking about longing for an oldschool, vintage camera, but it was months ago and you’ve forgotten about the whole thing since these devices cost a fortune because there aren’t many left from them. But now there’s one in your hands, because Harry not only listened to you, but he remembered and went out of his way to find you one in amazing condition.

“This must have cost a fortune!” you huff, your heart pounding in your chest, though you already know it doesn’t matter to him.

“This face is worth every penny,” he smiles at you softly before you throw yourself at him for another round of hugging. This man surely knows how to have you wrapped around his fingers.

The two of you sit on the floor as you figure out how to make the camera work, Harry bought everything needed, so you have a few packs of films as well. When it’s all done you bring it up to your face and aim it at Harry. It takes him a moment to realize that you’re about to snap your first photo and he tries to snatch the camera away, but it’s too late, the flash goes off and the device pushes out the undeveloped picture.

“You wasted your first snap on me?” he protests rubbing his eyes after the flash blinded him for a little.

“It’s not a waste,” you tell him as you patiently wait for the picture to finally appear.

Slowly, the colors start to show and in a couple of minutes Harry’s face appears, his hand reaching in the direction of the camera, looking out of focus, only his face appearing clearly. He looks so delicate, his eyes dazzling as a soft smile plays on his lips. This moment now will live forever not just in your mind, but on this photo.

 Harry goes out with his karaoke performance this year for sure and you’d be actually anxious about him winning if only you didn’t have the absolutely best performance right in your pocket.

His sweater this year features some really ugly looking penguins and a horroristic reindeer on the back, it’s really ugly and you can’t even imagine who thought it would be fine to make it and then sell it. His choice of music is also excellent, he has a great eye for songs you’d never imagine him perform and then shock everyone with it. This year, he chose Rude Boy by none other than Rihanna, and it’s fantastic, no one can make it through the song without crying. Harry makes sure to put on his best show, even dancing and twerking unapologetically, trying everything to win the battle and you are amazed by his effort. Above all the fun and jokes, he nails the song, that’s undeniable. It always baffles you how he can just slay any and all genres, even the ones that stand a million miles away from his style.

When the song is over, you all cheer for him, because he truly deserves it. He grins down at you in victory, but you just give him a challenging smirk.

“You can just give up now, if you want,” he teases you as you stand up from the couch and the two of you trade places.

“Oh, I think you should be the one to worry about losing,” you warn him grabbing your bag. Stepping to Gemma you whisper into her ear, instructing her to put on your song when you call out from the bathroom, since you are planning on do a grandiose entrance. When she hears what song you’ll be singing she gasps.

“Oh my fucking God, no way!” he looks at your with wide eyes.

“What? What is it?” Harry asks, dying to know what you just told his sister, but you shake your head at him.

“Patience,” you tell him before locking yourself up in the bathroom.

This year, you didn’t find the sweater, the sweater found you. On one of your thrift tours, you were digging up a huge pile of clothes when you came right across it and you knew what you needed to do.

Putting on the sweater you fix up your hair quickly before putting on your party glasses, the one that lights up if you switch it on. You take one last look at yourself in the mirror and smirk at your reflection knowing well you’ll have everyone dead when you walk out.

“Gemma! You can start it!” you call out with your hand on the doorknob, waiting to hear the music. Gemma quickly starts in and you haven’t even stepped out, you can hear a round of gasps.

Best Song Ever blasts through the speakers and you walk out trying your best to imitate a younger version of Harry, wearing the absolute ugliest Christmas sweater ever, that has the faces of One Direction all over it, filling up every inch of the fabric, and all of them have poorly photoshopped Santa hats on, it’s just literal trash and ridiculously perfect for the battle.

You grab the mic and start singing as everyone screams in the room. You jump, sing and even do the dance moves the boys do in the original music video, and when you look at Harry you see him staring at you in disbelief and total defeat. Everyone knows you won, nothing can top this performance ever and you could burst from the sweet feeling of victory.

By the end of the song everyone is up on their feet dancing and singing with you, a mini party forming in the middle of the living room and you all scream the last lines as the song comes to its end.

“I think we don’t even need to vote this time,” you say when the music stops, everyone screaming in agreement while Harry stares down at you, trying to hide his growing smirk.

“Where did you even find this?” he asks chuckling as he takes a better look at the sweater.

“At a thrift store, it called out my name, knew it’d be perfect.”

“It really is ugly, if I’m being honest,” he sighs, his eyes meeting yours again. “And the song… I accept defeat, you earned this victory, Y/N,” he tells you bowing and admitting your victory.

 Later that night everyone is so keen on watching Holiday, you agree to stay even though you feel your eyelids heavily weighing down, threatening to close with each passing moment. You let your head rest on Harry’s shoulder and he presses his cheek against the crown of your head.

It’s not a surprise you fall asleep halfway into the movie, but what you weren’t expecting is to wake up and find yourself not on the couch anymore, but in Harry’s bed. It’s dark, only the moon is shining through his windows and as you turn to the right you see that he is sleeping peacefully next to you on his back, one arm spread next to him, hand hanging from the edge, the other one resting on his stomach, rising and falling in a slow rhythm.

Squinting your eyes you look at the digital clock on his dresser, it reads 3:23 am so you’ve been asleep for quite a few hours now. You don’t even remember him bringing you up here, but you’re definitely not mad that he didn’t bring you home, just up to his room.

Rolling to your side you give yourself a moment to adorn his beauty without fearing he would catch your wandering eyes. Everything seems so perfect about him, the line of his nose, his cupid’s bow that delicately rolls into her lips. The crease between his eyebrows, his soft skin on his cheeks, down his neck that runs into his broad shoulders and inked, strong arms. You truly think there’s no man that could compare to him and you are lucky enough to live your life so close to him, be able to touch him, hear his voice whenever you miss him, see his smile and share a connection with him.

It’s so silly, but you think of him as your personal ray of sunshine in your life. Just the smallest things about him can brighten your worst day, he’ll always have a special place in your heart, no matter where life takes the two of you.

Watching him sleeping you allow yourself to break free from your doubts and fears and scooting closer you shyly curl up to his side, your head resting on his shoulder, but you can’t even make yourself comfortable before you feel him moving under you.

Sucking on your breath you think he’ll push you away, not wanting you so close, but instead, he pulls his arm from under you, curling around your frame as he pulls you tight to him, almost making you lie on top of him. Your whole body is pressed against him and you mingle a leg between his long ones under the soft sheets. You let out a long huff at the warm touch of his body against your skin, completely lost in him.

“You alright?” he mumbles in his sleep laced voice, his eyes remain closed.

“Yeah. Is this okay?” you nervously ask as you lay your hand flat on his stomach. He brings his hand that was hanging from the bed on his other side and covers yours, as he squeezes you tight to his side.

“’M all yours,” he breathes out, his words sending a shiver down your spine. You’re sure he didn’t mean it like that, but it warmed your heart to hear it from him and you let your mind play with the thought that there was more behind his words than a friendly manner.

Nuzzling your head into his chest you close your eyes and listening to his steady heartbeat you let yourself fall back asleep.

 Your morning is filled with coffee, pancakes, laughter and great company. Harry doesn’t let you leave without having breakfast with them, so you sit with the Styles family and laugh about the craziest stories from your teenage years.

“Remember when we tried to run away?” Harry grins at you, his red mug that had white polka dots all over it in his hands as he eyes you.

“Oh, how could I forget that?” you huff and Gemma turns to you with surprise in her eyes.

“Wait, I didn’t know about that!”

“Because we didn’t get too far,” Harry laughs. “We were, what, like fifteen?”

“Yeah, it was a few weeks after my fifteenth birthday,” you nod smiling.

“I had a fight with mum about God knows what, then stormed over to Y/N’s and talked her into running away. So we packed our backpacks and left.”

“Where did you go?” Michal asks with an amused grin as he listens to the story.

“We didn’t want to go into town, running into anyone we know, so we thought we would just go straight out to the meadow that’s there,” Harry says gesturing towards the window. The edge of the town is not so war, and a huge meadow lies there, a little stream running across it. “We walked for quite long, but then it started to get dark and we had nowhere to go, so we just ended up coming back home. No one even noticed we were gone, they thought we just went out to bike or something,” he finishes laughing.

“You knew about this?” Gemma asks Anne.

“Yeah, he came clear the next day, thinking he would piss me off with it, but I didn’t care, he came back for dinner, so it was alright,” Anne explains laughing.

It’s been so long since it happened, but I still remember it vividly, only that it was a more dramatic memory back then, now I can only laugh at it.

“We should go for a walk today,” Harry prompts to you.

“Wanna run away again?” you tease him.

“Always,” he chuckles.

You help cleaning up and agree with Harry to meet outside in an hour to take a walk to the meadow. Going home you take a shower and wash the dishes your mum left in the sink when she left for her morning shift. You put on a pair of boyfriend jeans, a warm sweater and your jacket with your trusty boots and you walk out the house right when Harry steps out as well. He grins in your way as the two of you meet in the middle of the street. He holds his arm out for you.

“M’ lady?” he smirks as you link your arm with his and the two of you head out for your little walk. It’s a gloomy day, might rain later as well, but it’s dry so far, so you’re just hoping to get home before it starts raining. Your runaway attempt wasn’t the only time the two of you came out here, it was kind of your place when you felt like having a break from everyone else. You biked out here, brought your favorite snacks and just ran around, enjoying the stillness.

However it also holds a bitter memory as well.

A little further down among the trees happened Harry’s first kiss and you witnessed it, feeling your heart break to a million pieces when you saw him lock lips with someone who wasn’t you.

Debby Hamilton was a friend of yours in sixth grade, you’d say, your only friend beside Harry and the three of you often hung out together around that time. Debby was a delight, you always desired to be more like her, boys liked her and she knew it damn well, but it didn’t make her cocky and egoistic. You always thought Harry had a crush on her, why would have he? They kind of looked cute together.

It was a Friday afternoon and Harry asked if you wanted to come out and listen to his new cassette he got for his old Walkman he refused to get rid of as technology was evolving. You figured he’d want Debby there as well so you invited her along, but didn’t tell Harry. He never made a move on Debby and you thought he was just looking for the right time.

That afternoon, you were supposed to meet them out there at five, but you didn’t leave until half past five and it takes about twenty minutes to get out there. Though you gave them the alone time technically, it still startled you when you found them under one of the oak trees, Debby leaning her back against the tree as Harry stood in front of her. She was smiling up at him sweetly, saying something to him and you were just about to call out for them and apologize for being late when Harry ducked his head and kissed Debby right in front of your eyes.

That was your first and probably worst heartbreak and you were only twelve. You felt betrayed, hopeless and naïve to think Harry would ever have a thing for you when there were girls like Debby. You left without letting them know you were there. When Harry asked you later why you didn’t come you told him you felt sick to your stomach, which wasn’t a total lie, you had quite the nausea after seeing Harry with Debby, but he didn’t have to know all the details.

He later told you about kissing Debby and you pretended like you didn’t know about it. However they never dated and not long after their kiss Debby drifted away from the two of you. Not that you minded, you had a bitter feeling every time you had to look at her after that, jealousy raging in your chest knowing that she got Harry’s first kiss.

He didn’t bring it up after and you weren’t keen on talking about it, but you still know which tree they were standing under and now as you near the area you see that it still stands tall near the tiny stream.

Peeking up at Harry you see that his eyes are focused on the same tree, but then he catches you looking.

“Memories?” you innocently ask, feeling your chest tightening. You don’t even know why you asked. It’s been over a decade since that kiss, you are both adults, but you still can’t help the sadness that washes over you at just the thought, why would you want to get him talk about it now?

“’S just… that’s the tree I kissed Debby when I was twelve,” he mumbles with a shrug. Biting into your bottom lip you look at the old oak tree nodding your head and before you could stop yourself, you speak up.

“I know.”

“What? How would you? I never told you,” Harry asks stopping, a puzzled look pulling on his face.

“Well I… It doesn’t matter,” you sigh, regretting ever opening your mouth.

“It does. Tell me!” he pleads standing in front of you.

“I know it, because… I was here.”

“You what?”

“I came, I was just very late. And when I arrived you two were standing there and I saw you kiss. I thought I shouldn’t interrupt whatever was happening so I went home and let you two be,” you explain, changing it up a little bit.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why is it important that I saw it? It doesn’t change anything, right?” you ask with a smile that you intended to look innocent, but deep down it’s filled with pain.

Harry opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then remains silent and you are done talking about it, so you just quietly keep walking, Harry catching up with you a few moments later.

It’s awfully quiet after your revelation, it seems like Harry is deep in his thoughts and though you’re dying to know what’s occupying his bright thoughts, you’re kind of afraid you’d hear something you didn’t want to.

The two of you soon head back home and slowly, but you forget about the whole Debby thing. Harry starts talking again, but he looks a little keyed up still when you reach your street.

“Wanna come over later?” you ask standing on the pavement in front of your house, it’s just an innocent question. Harry nods his head.

“Sure. Is your mum working?” he asks glancing at the house, though he knows she is, the car is not on the driveway.

“Yeah. She’ll be home around six.”

He nods again and you want to ask if he is alright, but you decide not to. You share a quick hug before he heads over to his home and you do the same. The house waits for you in silence and when the door clicks behind you, it weighs down on you heavier than you were expecting. You hang your jacket, kick your boots off and throw yourself to the couch, covering your eyes with your arm as you huff out in frustration. You feel silly for getting upset about such a small thing even after so much time, but you just can’t help it.

You barely realize the sound of the front door opening, taking your arm off your eyes you see Harry walk in, eyebrows furrowed, a worried look on his handsome face.

“Harry—“ “I was waiting for you that day,” he simply says as you sit up with wide eyes, confused about what he is really talking about.

“What?”

“That day, we agreed to meet out there to listen to my new Stevie Wonder cassette, but you didn’t show up, Debby did even though I didn’t invite her out there.”

“Well, I did, thought you wanted her there too,” you explain, startled by the situation.

“I would have invited her if I wanted her to be there, but I wanted to be with you. Only you.”

“I-I’m sorry?” you breathe out, not seeing where he is going with it.

“Y/N, you don’t understand,” he huffs and he is right. You don’t. “I wanted to meet you, but you never came, or at least I thought. Then Debby showed up, I was frustrated that you weren’t there and she was being all nice, telling me how cute I looked when I was worried and it all just happened so fast and… I didn’t even want to kiss her.” He looks properly upset telling you the story and he takes a deep breath before his eyes meet yours with a hard stare. “I wanted to be with you,” he repeats.

“Harry, I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

He shakes his hair, not even letting you finish, because he knows what you wanted to say and that you still don’t understand the meaning behind his words.

“Y/N, I wanted to kiss you,” he then finally says and you suck on your breath as he continues. “Well, not right then and there, but I’ve been meaning to kiss you, I just didn’t know when. I thought that if we have a moment that afternoon I’d do it, but you never came and I was mad and disappointed. I hated myself for kissing Debby, because I didn’t really want to, it just… happened. I wanted to tell you, and I intended to do it when I told you we kissed, but you acted so happy, I figured you didn’t feel the same way about me as I did for you. So I didn’t tell you the rest, but…” He sighs in defeat, looking for words, but he ran out.

“Why are you telling this to me now?” you ask a little out of breath, your head feeling heavy at the new information you just heard.

“Why didn’t you tell me you saw us and why did you go home without a word?” he asks ignoring your question.

“I… don’t—“

“Don’t try to lie.”

Gulping hard you lick your dried lips as you stare back at him.

“Because I was… jealous.” Your voice comes out only as a whisper. Harry’s lips part as he takes two steps closer to you.

“You had feelings for me?” he asks and you just nod your head, not trusting yourself with your voice. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

“I do,” you whisper your answer and Harry lets out a sharp breath as he leaps across the room in your way. You jump to your feet, thinking that he’ll lash out on your for keeping it a secret and you open your mouth to explain yourself, but you never get to speak up because as Harry reaches you, one hand snaps to the back of your neck, the other one to your waist, yanking you against him as his lips crash to yours.

You gasp in surprise, but it doesn’t take long to kiss him back, your numb mind blindly reacting to his sudden action. Your hands snake up to the back of his neck as you pull him closer, returning his hungry kisses. His soft lips feel so smooth and warm against yours and when his tongue runs along your bottom lip you whimper letting your tongues meet in the middle.

He is intoxicating and it doesn’t help that your adrenaline level is up in the sky, you’ve fantasized about it way too many times, and now that it’s happening your body is burning in flames. He kisses you all over and over again, his body pressing against yours hard and when he even leans in making you lean back, you lose balance and the two of you fall to the couch, both of you gasping as you are forced to part your lips.

“Fuck,” you chuckle as Harry is basically lying on you, holding himself up on his arms, but you feel him everywhere.

“’M sorry, I got a little carried away, but I’ve been dying to do this since forever,” he admits chuckling as he lifts his head and looks down at you with those bright green eyes of his.

“Really?” you breathe out, only slowly processing what’s really just happened.

“Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you hiding behind your mum.”

“Idiot, you were just a kid, you weren’t in love,” you chuckle, running up your hands to the back of his neck, your fingers playing with the soft curls. He smirks and nuzzles his nose against yours.

“Oh, I was, I just didn’t know it yet.” Leaning down he pecks your lips softly. “I’ve been meaning to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. Though I was growing impatient these last few years.”

“Yeah?” you chuckle.

“You can’t imagine,” he huffs shaking his head. I almost kissed you the other day in the kitchen, but Gemma completely ruined the moment.”

“I’m sorry I ran away, I was just—“ “No need to apologize. I guess it all played out well after all, right?” he smirks and you can’t help but chuckle.

“I guess,” you breathe out and the smile slowly fades from your lips. “And now what?” you ask quietly, staring up at him.

“Now… We’ll try to make things work. Test the waters. I’m very serious about this, Y/N,” he tells you. “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life so I’m not gonna let go of you now.”

“You have no idea how happy this is making me,” you choke out feeling the tears forming in your eyes.

“Oh Love, please don’t cry,” he begs and leaning down he kisses your tears away. “I’m right here, with you. Sorry it took me so long you get here, but I’m here now.”

“I know,” you huff blinking away the tears as you pull him down and press your lips to his. “I love you, Harry,” you whisper against his perfect lips. You feel him exhale sharply as he keeps kissing you before he lifts his head so your eyes meet again.

“I’ve always loved you.”

 Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought about it!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles au #harry styles oneshot #harry styles fluff #harry styles one shot #harry styles x reader #harry styles xyou #harry styles x y/n #harry styles imagine #fanficmas2020 #fanficmas 2020 #watchmegetobsessed fanficmas #watchmegetobsessed fanficmas 2020

[hookingminor]

“In awe, the first time you realised it” with Mat Barzal please🥺

31. In awe, the first time you realised it

I swear all my favorite things I've written are for barz, this is also so self-indulgent for me bc my love language is playlists

-

You and Mat had been dating for just under a year now, still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship even after a few fights, and he swore you were the only person he would never get tired of. The weekends you spent at his apartment, the Saturday morning markets you always dragged him to, the nights he curled on your couch watching TV while you worked away at the kitchen table, there was no such thing as too much time with you.

The feeling nagged at the back of Mat’s mind, subtle and quiet, a distant voice telling him he was in love with you even if his brain hadn’t completely registered it yet. Your relationship was comfortable. You moved around each other with an ease Mat had never known, as if you’d spent years together and now lived in routines that revolved around the other. He hadn’t even processed how used to being around you he’d gotten until your first summer apart had hit.

He thought about you all the time, wondering whether or not you’d like the outfit he chose when he went out with friends, whether you’d enjoy his mom’s cooking, whether you were thinking about him all the way back in New York when he was in Coquitlam.

By the time fall came back around, he was ready to ask you to move in even if neither of you had said those words yet. Mat just missed you all the time. It didn’t matter how much time you spent apart, he was counting the hours until he saw you again.

It was only when the two of you packed your bags and climbed into his car, ready for a weekend road trip upstate that the overwhelming feeling of how much he loved you hit him. You chose to drive, knowing Mat’s proclivities for driving a little too fast would’ve made you insane during the four hour ride to the secluded cabin he rented. In turn, he got to choose the music, though you made him compromise that he’d split the time between both of your spotifys.

Yours and Mat’s music taste didn’t always mesh well, and while he knew your account and followed it, he never delved into the playlists you curated. At the two hour mark, he unlocked your phone and scrolled through your account, clicking through a few playlists as he tried to find one that he wouldn’t completely hate.

He came across one titled happiness, the playlist photo piquing his curiosity. It was a little further down the list, about halfway through your nearly twenty playlists, and he recognized the picture as his own head. There were no discernible features, only his hair as his head rested on your chest and your fingers curled in the strands, but Mat knew it was him.

One by one, he read over each song in the playlist. The theme seemed all over the place, ranging from slow songs to upbeat pop to hip-hop, and his curiosity got the best of him.

“Babe, what’s this playlist?” He asked, stretching your phone so you could check the screen. You only took a brief glance, noticing the title immediately and shifting your focus back to the road.

“Oh, it’s just a bunch of songs that remind me of you,” you answered with an apathetic shrug. You added the first song a week after you met Mat after your first date when you knew that you wouldn’t be letting him go any time soon.

Mat furrowed his brows, not quite sure what Christmas Eve by Kelly Clarkson or Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye had to do with him, but he pressed shuffle anyways.

The first song that came on was Flightless Bird, American Mouth, and Mat vaguely remembered hearing this before.

“Why’s this one on it?” He asked.

“Remember when I made you watch Twilight even though you complained the entire time? You said you thought this song sounded nice, so I added it,” you explained.

“And Bloom?” Mat questioned, finding another song title he didn’t know.

“It was a song that played in the cafe during our first date.”

“Shoop?”

“That one night we stayed up until three baking brownies because we were drunk and hungry, we sang it, like, four times dancing in the kitchen,” you said.

It turned out every song on the playlist had some underlying meaning as to why you added it. There was the song you first slow danced to at a teammate’s wedding, the song you chose to karaoke to once at a bar, the song Mat always played first thing upon turning on his car for a couple weeks whenever he drove anywhere, songs he found himself singing under his breath while not realizing you were listening, his favorite Taylor Swift songs even though he would publicly claim he didn’t listen to her, songs he went crazy for every time they played in clubs. Every song had a story.

Mat didn’t ask you for the explanation for each one, not wanting to annoy you with his many questions, but he connected the dots soon enough after you told him Green Light by Lorde was on there because of how many times you and Mat had watched through New Girl, but more specifically, the scene where Nick and Jess finally get together.

A few sparked memories in his own head, the Khalid songs you made him listen to the one time you convinced him to get high with you, the Kendrick songs he swore were the best rap songs ever made, even a few Bieber songs you found more tolerable than others since you weren’t a fan of him but Mat was.

The playlist was nearing fifty songs, all recounting moments in your relationship over the past year, and Mat’s chest tightened in a way he’d never felt before.

He was in love with you.

You didn’t even bat an eye explaining the meaning of each song, every story fresh in your mind and you told him each one without hesitation. Had it not been for your eyes on the road, you probably would’ve noticed the tears welling in his eyes, though he quickly brushed them away.

His heart was so full of love for you, how you paid attention to every detail, and there was no doubt in his mind he was in love.

“You good?” You glanced over quickly, curious as to why he was quiet all of a sudden.

“Yeah, I’m good.” He cleared his throat.

“I love you.”

That caught your attention immediately, and you looked back at him, your own eyebrows slightly drawn together in confusion as the outburst.

“Yeah?” You asked. The words had been on the tip of your tongue for so long you could probably trace it back to the first time you met him, but you kept it to yourself. Mat was always cautious with his words, never wanting to say anything he didn’t fully believe, and you didn’t want to scare him off saying it too early.

“Yeah,” he replied confidently. Grabbing the hand resting on the gearshift, he intertwined your fingers and brought it to his lips. “I love you." Gently, Mat kissed your knuckles.

Your own heart felt like bursting at the soft look on his face. “I love you too.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured that,” he chuckled, wide grins spreading across both of your faces.

You brought his knuckles to your own lips, placing a soft kiss on them before letting your joined hands rest across the middle console. The remainder of the drive was silent, neither of you starting a conversation as you let your playlist take you the rest of the way.

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #my writing #requests #blurbs #isles13 #2k blurb weekend