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florrickandassociates · 1 year

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TGF Thoughts: 6x04 -- The End of Eli Gold

FINALLY I HAVE FINISHED WRITING THIS. I'm hoping the other episodes don't take me nearly as long to write about.

What an episode name. What an episode. This is probably one of my favorite episodes TGF has done! It’s amazing what actually focusing on the long histories between characters and using them to elevate the themes of the show can do!

OK TUMBLR IS BEING SO FUCKING ANNOYING RIGHT NOW AND NOT LETTING ME MAKE A BULLETED LIST. Apologies for formatting.

We start off with a warning that the episode includes content that “may be sensitive to some viewers... especially viewers who are disturbed by exploding brain matter.” I have so many questions about how this came to be. It’s cheeky and gives off strong BrainDead vibes, but it’s also a serious content warning. So was it required but the Kings got to be silly about it? I never see content warnings other than, like, TV-MA SLV on streaming shows, there was no warning when Will died, and there were no warnings for the (frequent) head explosions in BrainDead, so why now? The tone of this warning feels very “we were forced to have this here but we compromised with the network and we at least get to be silly about it” (like the playful “Skip Intro” button on Evil). But part of me wonders if it was a creative choice to raise the stakes? I can’t imagine why you’d want to? But it obviously tells us that someone’s brain is getting blown out (or that we’re getting a BrainDead crossover), so the writers had to know that this warning would also be a spoiler... I just have a lot of questions okay!

I don’t love credits at the beginning because they deny me the feeling of, “wait, how are we getting to the credits NOW?” that I somehow get every episode even though I know the credits are always going to come after the 15 minute mark. I’ll forgive this episode.

We pick up where we left off—in the aftermath of the explosion in Dr. Bettencourt’s office. I know they’re mostly headed there eventually, but I am so glad this scene didn’t end with a kiss.

I did not pick up on it myself, but whoever noted that the explosion of the credits spills over into the scene (and that’s why the credits roll over the footage) is very right.

James Whitmore Jr. directed this one. His name isn’t a guarantee an episode is going to be eventful, but he IS one of the ones the writers trust with their eventful episodes. He directed Hitting the Fan.

The people in the elevator bickering about Fox News has me thinking of BrainDead, specifically the subplot with the actress who is now best known for playing Kendall’s ex-wife on Succession. (She’ll always be Stern’s daughter to me though.)

There’s more bickering about whether the protests are far left or far right, which is a premise I do not think the writers can sustain for very long. I get it, it’s thematic, but groups of people don’t just stay angry without (1) expressing why they are angry or (2) losing steam. We’ve gotta get somewhere with this. (I’d say the end of this episode gives a pretty definitive answer about who’s doing the protesting, unless it’s an endless cycle of protests and counterprotests.)

I think Eli’s presence makes the stakes feel a little higher in this episode. The evolution of The Good Wife into The Good Fight happened so gradually that I can accept that this bizarre surreal universe is Diane’s and Elsbeth’s... but there’s something truly eerie about seeing Eli, who had previously been untouched by all of this surreal stuff and in my mind still lives in the pre-Trump world, in the middle of it all, too.

I can believe the firm being close to the courthouse – that's just smart – but I don’t understand why Bettencourt’s office and the courthouse are so close together the car bomb would be felt in both places. Whatever. Connective tissue holding the episode together.

This episode jumps right in to Eli being on the stand, which is our first sign that this isn’t going to be yet another “let’s watch our faves be clever and maneuver their way out of bogus charges” episode.

Eli’s being accused of being the mastermind behind the “Democratic Watergate,” a fake thing that we’d never heard of before this moment. Based on everything that happens in this episode, seems like he’s guilty. Maybe not legally, since he’s too smart and shady for that, but he totally did it.

I love Eli lol

I also love Marissa’s “my dad is a lot and I love him so much” look when Eli makes a melodramatic scene on the stand

Opposing counsel does not take Marissa seriously and knows she’s only there so she can’t testify.

Hi Frank Landau.

Marissa instantly knows that Landau walking in is NOT good for Eli. I was going to give the lead lawyer the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe he didn’t see Landau, but, no, he seems to just have bad instincts.

I love Eli and Marissa saying “fuck” in unison.

I’ll say this again (and again, and again) in this recap, but something this episode did that TGF has been missing is ACTUALLY LEAN INTO THE CHARACTERS. I’m already getting so much about Eli and Marissa’s dynamic (how they’re similar, different, where there are points of tension, how much they care about each other) and that’s making all of this land much better. I’ve seen the secret surprise witness plot a million times, but this episode makes it feel like I’m always watching Eli and Marissa first and the trial second.

Marissa corners her dad in the elevator because Marissa knows that Eli did it... and that she inadvertently helped. Marissa’s mostly mad because this was stupid and sloppy.

“I didn’t do this! Because there’s no proof I did this! So this argument is a massive waste of time.” So what I’m hearing is he totally did it.

Diane gets in the elevator with flowers and gives one to Eli and one to Marissa. Marissa notices a piece of glass in Diane’s hair; Diane calmly explains that a window exploded on her. She says she’s surprisingly well... I think she’s just drugged up and in shock. Eli and Marissa do too.

There’s a democratic fundraiser the following night and Ri’Chard wants to invite the associates. VIP Treatment vibes.

Diane, who is totally okay and not acting at all weird, is sitting in a partners’ meeting cradling a bouquet of flowers. Liz notices.

Ri’Chard can’t help himself: Liz tries to move on to the next agenda item, and this man hops out of his chair to ask why they’re attending a DEMOCRATIC fundraiser. Liz notes the DNC is a big client. Ri’Chard counters by suggesting they should support local black churches instead. One, religion at work is never going to go over easy. Two, why not both?

Ri’Chard is also moving across the whole room, forcing everyone to swivel their chairs (since he’s taken away the conference table) so they can’t focus on him and Liz at the same time.

Ri’Chard also then promises to do something that will mean more money for the equity partners (so, obviously, this goes over well with the audience of... equity partners). Liz wants this too, but doesn’t think it’s practical. Diane spins around on her chair and gives Liz a conspiratorial look.

All the partners start applauding Ri’Chard, except Diane, who continues silently communicating with her friend Liz. (See! Another little character moment in the middle of a larger plot!)

After the meeting, Ri’Chard accuses Liz of not liking his ideas and Liz is like, I actually just don’t like you making promises you can’t keep. Apparently the money’s not all there, even now that they’re doing super amazingly well. Ri’Chard thinks it is.

(Apparently people are quitting left and right. I’d note this for context on the firm’s status but we all know this won’t be mentioned again.)

Liz asks Ri’Chard to show her his plan before he announces it. He looks at her like he’s never considered that before. Wild. He blames this on his extroversion and says he can get a little carried away in front of people. Yes. That is what happened. That is why he announced his researched and highly appealing plan while commandeering the room: he just got carried away but didn’t intend to do any of that.

Ri’Chard ends this conversation with “Jesus is Lord,” to which Liz just says, “Oh, yes he is.” I love Liz.

“But you are not,” Liz whispers after Ri’Chard leaves. I love Liz even more.

Liz finally – FINALLY – asks Jay to look into Ri’Chard. You would think that (1) Liz would’ve asked Jay to do this on day one and (2) Jay would’ve been curious enough on his own to look into it. I mean, Jay is trying to figure out what happened with the car bomb, which doesn’t seem to have anything at all to do with him or his job. He’s just naturally curious... so wouldn’t he be curious about this random new name partner who just showed up one day?

Jay also suggests more security. I suggest, once again, that the firm allow people to work remotely.

Marissa is in maximum snark mode during the next legal strategy session.

Eli continues to say things that make it obvious he’s guilty, like that you talk about a lot of hypotheticals (“standard rat-fucking") and never do them... or you do, but through intermediaries.

Between being dragged into an actual crime and being mocked in court, Marissa is fed up. She storms out to go do her actual job (hey, remember when my recaps used to be like 75% complaining about how Maia didn’t ever do work?)

Eli goes after Marissa and asks what she wants. “You want me to take you on a father/daughter picnic, is that it? You want to go to Disneyland and get photos taken with mouse ears? This is who we are. If you’re in trouble, I help you. If I’m in trouble, you help me.” Harsh.

“We’re transactional,” Marissa rephrases his words. “Exactly. Always have been, always will,” Eli agrees. I think they both think they mean it right now. There’s obviously a component of this in their relationship, but it’s clear that they actually do care about each other and get along... but they’re so similar that they clash like this often.

Anyway, Marissa asks to be the one to cross-examine Landau in exchange for her not quitting the legal team/testifying against Eli.

Diane watches Dr. Bettencourt’s videos while drinking a glass of wine in bed. Seems like she really feels just fine after the explosion.

This quickly turns into Diane fantasizing about Dr. Bettencourt being in her bed. We all knew it was headed here.

Absolutely unfair that we are getting a Diane scene about masturbation and anxiety when my Alicia OTPs were Alicia + therapy and Alicia + vibrator.

The Diane/Kurt banter in this scene kind of makes me cringe but that also makes it feel a lot more real; I do not think most people are very profound when they’re horny

I have not recapped what is actually going on in this scene because it’s... bizarre!

Kurt gets a call from work. We know this because his phone says that “Work” is calling.

“We had nothing to do with that car bomb,” Kurt says, to Diane’s alarm. What’s he involved with that he even has to say that sentence!? (Answer: the NRA.)

Diane wakes Kurt up to tell him about her latest drug adventure. She says it’s for anxiety and he’s like, what anxiety? Diane references the world around her. What does he mean, what anxiety?! Though in his defense, I’m not sure “Diane struggles with anxiety” is the conclusion I would’ve come to from her actions, either – but it makes sense when I hear it. Also is he aware Diane had to dodge shattered glass when the car bomb went off? I truly can’t tell what the day to day of Diane and Kurt’s relationship is like, which makes it quite hard to have an opinion on if I think it’s a good thing (companionship when they need it, but otherwise they can be very independent) or a bad thing (what kind of relationship is this??)

Kurt is like, uh, have you considered finding a real doctor? Diane wonders why they’re even having this conversation. Kurt points out that she brought it up. This almost feels like Diane has already moved on without realizing it.

I think I’ve said this before, maybe even in the part of this recap I wrote a week ago, but my investment in Diane and Kurt plummeted after the whole Holly thing at the end of TGW. Not only does it ask me to believe that Kurt cheated (????), but the entire thing makes no sense and the resolution/reconciliation was hard to follow. At worst, Diane/Kurt’s relationship is confusing, and at best it’s sweet and lets me forget about all the weirdness. That’s still pretty shaky ground, even for someone who generally likes them together.

Liz at the gym! Liz is at the gym! She’s listening to a law podcast when she hears that Ri’Chard is doing some self-promotion. She inelegantly slips off the treadmill and heads up to work (this seems to be an office gym?). Two cops with riot gear and assault rifles join her in the elevator and their presence does not put her at ease. Their silence doesn’t, either.

Still in her workout clothes, she barges in on Ri’Chard’s prayer circle and glares at him. He introduces her as “Liz Reddick, daughter of Carl” and I would just love to know... is Carl Reddick’s name ruined or not? This remains unclear to me.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Liz confronts Ri’Chard once they’re alone.

Ri’Chard apparently accidentally ended up on NPR. Doubtful.

Worse – he’s not talking about his own clients on this podcast. He's talking about the firm’s clients. He’s secured permission from everyone involved... except Liz. He’s also using his name instead of crediting the team, which he calls “good branding.” They are both right. And he’d have a lot more ground to stand on if he had, like, actually touched any of these cases. (I don’t understand why he is using the firm’s cases; surely he has his own?)

Ri’Chard starts telling Liz about how the firm has to update itself and Liz is just not impressed. And why would she be? Ri’Chard might be right about branding and needing an identity and a refresh – this is certainly not the first time it’s come up – but Ri’Chard doesn’t need to lecture Liz on this point like she’s too dumb to get it. Liz gets his point... he simply doesn’t want to understand hers. She’s asking for him to treat her like a partner and he’s responding with garbage about brands.

Liz raises her voice (though just a little bit, she’s letting her anger show but she’s very far from losing control here, which is a nice touch from Audra) and reminds Ri’Chard that the law firm is a “we” and not an “I” (there ain’t no I in team but you know there is a me!) (Sorry, I’m on a liiiiiittle bit of a TSwift kick right now...)

THE STARE LIZ GIVES RI’CHARD WHEN HE STARTS MAKING REFERENCES TO SHOW HE GETS IT.

“You have an idea, any idea. You want to scratch your ass? We talk, we discuss, we agree. And then you can move forward. Not before. You need to stop with this “better to ask forgiveness than permission” bullshit. Do you understand?” Ri’Chard nods. He might understand, but I’m not so sure he cares.

How much does this man spend on glasses? Somewhat relatedly, Ri’Chard’s extensive eyewear collection is really making me want to have more than one pair of glasses.

Ri’Chard invites Liz over for dinner so they can get to know each other. It’s not a bad idea.

To have dinner, they’re going to skip the DNC fundraiser.

Landau takes the stand.

“How the fuck would you know that?” Marissa snaps in court when her legal skills are called into question. Great line reading from Sarah here.

When Liz arrives at dinner, she ends up holding the gate open for a woman carrying a tray of pastries.

Ri’Chard’s house is chaotic and full of children. Also women. It is a little weird. Sorry, did I say a little? I meant extremely.

Liz ends up holding the tray of pastries, and a bunch of kids take sweets. All the adults tell Liz she shouldn’t be giving the kids so much sugar. She tries to stop the kids from taking more pastries, then gives up and is like, “you’re not my kids.” Hah.

One of the women refers to Liz as Ri’Chard’s “work wife” which is a phrase I fucking loathe. Liz seems to hate it – or at least this application of it – as much as I do.

“Is your house always this confusing?” Liz asks. Ri’Chard calls that phrasing diplomatic, and it really is.

Ri’Chard saying he has trouble ending things and would never divorce in a house full of children and at least three non-Liz adult women is EXTREMELY weird and it is not made any less weird by them greeting each other with “Jesus is Lord.”

I know it’s, like, obvious to say that Audra McDonald is really good at acting but I do need to stress that Audra McDonald is really good at acting. She’s playing the discomfort, shock, awkwardness, and growing comfort of being in someone else’s home really well.

Those Moral Matters posters at this DNC event might be the most GOP looking stock art I have ever seen??? Also this is the same ballroom where the fundraiser in VIP Treatment was.

Carmen gets to go to the DNC event because Carmen needs something to do so she can appear in the episode. Also, she seems to make the firm a fuckload of money so it makes sense she’d get an invite.

Julius (why is he even at a DNC event?) tries to snark to Carmen about how silly Dems are and Carmen just looks at him like she’s considering what he’s said but also surprised by it... and like she has no intention of responding. This immediately makes him feel awkward and he turns away from her.

Marissa’s there too, which doesn’t make sense in terms of her level at the firm but absolutely makes sense in terms of (1) all the partners love her and (2) her dad is Eli.

Carmen and Marissa exchange a glance that shows there’s still tension there. This is the exact kind of moment this show too often forgets to include between episodes with major plot development. This episode nails the little character moments. This episode feels lived-in and complete.

This “Hamilton Swings” act is an updated version of the stuff they parodied in 2x05 (of Wife!) and I fucking love it. Not so much the parody. I love the callback. I love that the writers almost certainly were like, that was so fun when we did it in 2010. Let’s do it again.

Bettencourt is also at the DNC fundraiser. Small world. Diane spills her drink when she sees him.

Diane’s dress in this episode looks a bit like her 2x05 dress, which I am sure was an intentional choice.

At the bar, where Diane is cleaning off her dress, Bettencourt appears. He’s spotted Diane, too. She’s worried he’ll judge her for drinking. He doesn’t.

She seems surprised when he remarks that he should’ve expected to run into her. Hmmm, now what about Diane Lockhart gives off rich liberal vibes? I wonder.

Marissa appears at the bar next to Diane. “God, is this boring!” she exclaims, not at all concerned that Diane, who is her boss, is in the middle of a conversation.

Marissa might be a little drunk. She greets Bettencourt, “Hello! Except I don’t know you, do I?”

“Diane and I bumped into each other on a trip,” Bettencourt says to explain how they met. I bet he’s used this line before, given his line of work. Diane spits out her drink at that.

Marissa leaves the bar to “stop my dad from killing someone,” a choice of words I’m sure she won’t regret.

Diane asks Bettencourt if he takes his own treatment since he’s always so calm. Then his wife – I assume, he puts his hand on her back – arrives and ruins the moment for Diane.

Eli and Landau argue at a DNC fundraiser, which is definitely a great look. But it won’t matter soon. Marissa tries to get Eli to stop, but Eli instead moves the conversation to the men’s room so Marissa won’t follow. Tbh I’m a little surprised she’d listen; Marissa does not seem like she’d give a shit about walking into the men’s room.

On my first watch, I thought this scene felt like 4x18, where Peter punches Kresteva in the bathroom. What happens here is much less fun.

And then someone enters the room and SHOOTS LANDAU IN THE HEAD THINKING HE IS ELI. He also says something anti-Semitic while he’s at it. I don’t remember what because I muted the scene looked away on rewatch because I found it quite upsetting.

Three things here. First, I’ve seen a few theories that Eli ordered the hit on Landau and it was staged to look like Eli was the target. To that, I say... y’all are watching a different show. The assassin says Eli’s name and something anti-Semitic to let the rest of the episode unfold as it does. It's not necessarily illogical like some are saying -- this guy very easily could have an accomplice who said “Eli just went into the bathroom” and pointed and the guy with the gun didn’t recognize Eli, and they both could’ve been too stupid to have him study photos beforehand. Also, very hard to watch the emotional fallout and consequences this has for Eli through the rest of the episode and then go back to this hunting for the biggest twist.

Second thing. It has taken me a while to get back to writing about this episode. Initially it was because I was busy, but now I’m avoiding it because it’s just TOUGH. When this aired, it felt a little too unsettling but like it belonged to a universe that was like ours but heightened... and now, with anti-Semitism in the news thanks to a certain rapper and the anniversary of the Tree of Life shooting tomorrow (I write this on 10/26), it’s just far too much for me to grapple with.

Final thing. I am so glad the writers chose to kill Landau instead of Eli. Killing Eli would’ve been upsetting, but honestly not that much more upsetting than the introduction of violence into a universe where violence doesn’t tend to hit close to home (even considering the protest stuff this season, the number of horrifyingly traumatic moments over the course of both serieses is, like, three? Will, Adrian in season 2, this?). Plus, seeing Eli covered in blood and brains is horribly upsetting. Not only that, but killing Eli would’ve made the point and then... what? Made the rest of the show about Marissa’s grief? Felt like a decision made for shock value? I don’t see what the writers would’ve gained after the initial shock. This way, Landau is familiar enough it feels unsettling – the man’s been a frequent presence in this universe for over a decade – but not so beloved (not at all beloved tbh) that it’s impossible to do other things with the plot from here. The Eli and Marissa scenes that follow after this point are some of the best material I’ve seen from this show in ages – maybe some of the best material this show’s ever done.

Liz and Ri’Chard are wrapping up their dinner when they get an active shooter alert. A very specific active shooter alert that says who the victim is? Weird. There’s a lockdown now, so Liz gets trapped at Ri’Chard’s. Shouldn’t they be calling all their employees and partners who are at the fundraiser!?

Ok made about 4 mins of progress on this then saw Eli covered in blood and now I have to stop again. I’m not generally squeamish about TV violence (I simply look away if I don’t want to see it) but I can’t handle this. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d been writing these during season five of TGW.

Now I’m thinking about Will.

Fuck, I’m not sure I'm ever going to find another show I care this much about. I don’t know that I want to. But let me tell you: nothing has even come close.

AND NOW I’M HAVING FEELINGS ABOUT THE SHOW ENDING.

Ok lol now it’s 10/30 and I’m trying to power through.

Marissa finds Eli sitting alone, in shock, covered in blood and brains. “Oh, it was so weird. I was right beside him. And this guy just came up behind us and said, ‘Die, you filthy Jew, Eli Gold.’ Eli Gold. He thought he was killing me.” “The world has gone crazy, Dad,” Marissa replies. “But Frank’s dead because of me. He’s not even Jewish. He's got three kids. And he’s, like, Presbyterian, something or other.” “I’m glad you’re alive, Dad,” is all Marissa can say to that.

“What am I doing with my life?” Eli starts to wonder. He’s on this train of thought because he’s realized people hate him to the point where they want to kill him. This may be true but that man doesn’t want to kill Eli for anything Eli’s done. Which is what Marissa tells him.

Eli doesn’t believe that, not fully. He’s thinking about all the bad things he’s done. I’ll come back to this when he talks to Diane, no use in saying the same thing twice.

“I’ve got to change my life. I’ve got to stop,” Eli frets. “I’ve got to... confess.” Marissa does not like that. And then the cops interrupt to get Eli’s statement. I’m a little surprised Eli was able to get away. Isn’t every attendee being forced to stay where they are?

Liz and Ri’Chard are now sitting on the floor drinking. I get that this conveys that the vibe is now relaxed and casual, but also, floors are not comfortable to sit on and sofas are. Liz finally works up the confidence to ask Ri’Chard which of the women floating around the house is his wife. Turns out he’s not married to any of them; his wife is dead. The women are her sister, her friend, his friend, and a college dropout.

He says he “collects female energy” which is maybe the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard. But for those of us who lived through the days of “male energy” and how we had to have Finn Polmar on the show to fill the void of “male energy” left by Will... it’s pretty nice to hear that “female energy” also exists.

“Watch out. Women have dinner here and never leave,” he jokes to Liz. Uh.

Liz turns the conversation to work; asks why Ri’Chard is in this. He wants “power, respect, and independence.” This is where my being several episodes ahead changes my take, because you KNOW the first time through this episode, I was like, “how can you be independent when STR Laurie owns you?!”

He flips the question around to Liz, but doesn’t let her answer, instead guessing that she’s in it for her father’s legacy. Liz says no; she always wanted to be the opposite of her father (and it was here I started to realize there’s a father-daughter throughline in this episode; again, this episode is very well done). This does not explain how Liz came to be running her father’s firm, but of course we know how that happened – she was pushed out at the DOJ and needed a place to land, and then inertia took over.

“That’s what makes you hot!” Ri’Chard says, and Liz just laughs and points to this as an example of Ri’Chard having no idea when to stop. It is a very good example of Ri’Chard not knowing when to stop; that’s not the vibe here and so it feels weird when he makes it the vibe.

Ri’Chard then segues into a story about when he was just starting out and a firm made a laughing stock out of him for being dressed the wrong way. And then Ri’Chard remade his image and got stronger.

$900 on wine. Still amazes me that people actually drink $900 wine. I had a bottle of $25 wine last night and felt fancy.

The all-clear goes out and Liz heads home. I hope she’s not driving...? They’ve been drinking a lot.

Diane’s home, still in her party clothes. Kurt’s comforting her. “Nothing seems real right now,” she remarks as she watches the news. Diane starts talking about the “connection between love and death” inspired by a conversation with Bettencourt (which we annoyingly have to get silent flashbacks of). This leads to Diane making a reference to a piece of art and Kurt not getting it, and then Diane realizing he doesn’t get her references. Kurt handles this well: “Diane, I think you’re asking me questions that you know I don’t know the answer to. And I’m not sure why. I’m not here for a literature test. I’m here because I love you. You know who I am. You know what I’m good at. What I care about.” Very fair. If Diane wants someone who understands all her references, Kurt will never be that person, and it’s not fair to Kurt for Diane to hold that against him. She can say his political beliefs are too much or that she’s realized she wants something different, but she can’t just wish Kurt was a different person and expect him to change.

She then asks Kurt if he loves her, which is so weird??? He says yes, she smiles, they kiss.

“Have I passed the test?” he asks. Diane says yes, but it seems like this is going to keep coming back.

In court the next day, opposing counsel is quick to suggest Eli had Landau killed to get himself off the hook. Yeah, no. “Excuse me, what the fuck?!” is Marissa’s response. Despite her passions, the judge rules that she has to testify.

Ri’Chard and Liz solve the problem of the equity partners not getting the money they’re entitled to by giving up some of their bonuses. HANG ON. THIS IS THE MOST OBVIOUS SOLUTION. WHY WAS LIZ COLLECTING A BONUS WHEN HER PARTNERS WEREN’T GETTING THEIR MONEY? And why is Ri’Chard getting a bonus he’s been there like 2 seconds where did the money for that come from?

Also, am I meant to believe Liz had any hand in this idea or not? If I am supposed to believe Liz as a manager I do need to see that she’s making progress on this front, because it feels to me like Ri’Chard came in, was correct, won Liz over, and won the battle but gave her credit. I’m missing the “teamwork” scene from this narrative.

If there are burning cars and massive protests in the street, and the lobby is blocked off, WHY HAS THIS OFFICE NOT YET SENT EVERYONE HOME?

Turns out that the lawyer who humiliated Ri’Chard is Liz’s dad. Obviously. So are we in Do Revenge now?

Liz is looking at a picture of her dad when Marissa knocks on her door and asks if she has a minute. You know it’s serious because this is the first time Marissa’s ever asked for permission for anything. Liz tries to push it off til tomorrow; Marissa explains the urgency.

What Marissa wants from Liz isn’t really advice – it's to know about her relationship with her dad. I fucking love that they’re drawing this parallel and exploring this topic. Even though what Liz’s dad did and what Eli did are very different types of crimes, the situations Liz and Marissa are in because of their fathers’ actions are similar, and I love that the show acknowledges this and gives it a moment. They very easily could’ve had Marissa’s plot exist in a vacuum; instead, they tie it to a loose end from season 3. Really smart, character-focused writing.

Marissa specifically wants to know if Liz ever opened the folder of evidence against her father that Marissa compiled back in s3. Liz is hesitant to answer at first, wondering how this will help Marissa. Marissa isn’t sure, and that’s enough for Liz to decide to open up: she did not ever look at the file. Marissa takes that in.

At the office, Eli stares out the window watching the protests. “You look lost,” Diane comments when she sees him.

Diane asks if Eli has any protection. He does, for a few days. “It feels weird. I’m a mechanic. I’m not a public figure,” Eli notes. “We’re all public figures now,” Diane says. I’m not sure what’s making her say this oh wait actually yes she has plenty of evidence to say this now I’m remembering Mr. Elk and the Diane/Liz love affair rumors from last season.

Diane pours Eli a drink. “Was there a better time, or has it always been like this?” Eli asks. “I don’t know. Whenever I’m smack-dab in the middle of the time, I always think it’s the worst time, and then five years later, I think, ‘huh, that was a pretty good time.’” Eek.

“I fell apart today,” Eli confesses. “Well, that makes sense. A person was murdered right beside you,” Diane responds. “And they thought they were murdering me,” Eli continues. “Yeah, so how could you not fall apart?”

“I’ve been wondering how much I’ve been contributing to all this. Turning the opposition into the enemy, turning the enemy into psychopaths...” Eli wonders. I would say maybe he’s played some role, but I don’t think he’s the problem here. Neither does Diane.

“How do we get out of this? They’re shouting, so do we just shout louder?” Eli wonders. “I don’t know, but if we don’t shout back, they’ll win,” says Diane, who’s been blissfully walking through protests carrying flowers all season.

Diane suggests that Eli finish his drink, pull himself together, and “go out there and kick some ass.” She does not seem at all concerned by the fact he’s done something illegal, which to me is the most interesting part about this scene. But before I get there...

“This country is worth fighting for; it always was. And our enemies want to stop voting from happening. That’s not just galling, that’s the end of America. And we can’t let that happen.” okay that’s all well and good Diane but do you not remember when you yourself tried to rig an election, or the time when you yourself defended Eli for rigging an election?

“Where do you find your optimism?” Eli wonders. “In a hallucinogenic drug called PT-108,” Diane responds. I love it. Eli thinks she’s joking.

“Eli, I need you to fight the good fight,” Diane says, SAYING THE SHOW TITLE ON THE SHOW!!!!!

“I need to know that there is someone out there who can quarterback the game. Because I know our politicians aren’t up to it. It has to be you. The person behind the scene. I’m sorry, if you want me to contribute to your bodyguards, I will, but you have to get back in the fight.” This is a very good pep talk for someone like Eli. It’s also fascinating to me. No one is talking about the illegal thing Eli did. No one seems to care. It was in the pursuit of a goal they all shared and so it’s understandable; everyone’s only furious that it got discovered or that it implicated them personally. No one is really mad about what happened. Eli almost certainly arranged the hacking of a major media outlet, and everyone’s just cool with it. What does that say about our times, about good, about morality, and about how deep this conflict runs?

Marissa listens in on this conversation and decides that Diane’s right.

Dr. Bettencourt isn’t at his office the next day; the woman he was with is Diane’s doctor for the day instead. She is not happy about it. The way she says “no” when she’s offered cucumber water has so much sadness and pettiness in it.

Marissa dances around the truth on the stand. She makes Eli out to be a bumbling old man, unable to figure out the internet. Eli, who knew how to find Becca-the-Twitter-Troll in early 2010. Sure. I feel like you could very easily poke a hole in Marissa’s testimony. (She says she hasn’t helped Eli “use” the software in question, which is true. She just got him a copy.)

Marissa takes a little bit of a victory lap on the stand, drawing a parallel between Landau jumping to conclusions about Marissa colluding with Eli for the hack and opposing counsel jumping to conclusions about Marissa’s spot on the legal team. Marissa is only on the legal team because of a failed attempt to keep her from testifying, but that doesn’t really matter.

So if these protesters are just chanting anti-Semitic shit... can we stop pretending that there are protesters on both sides? Like, I suppose they could still want me to believe this is like a war of protesters, but this is preeeeeeetty clearly coming from one side.

Eli decides to head to DC right away and jump back into work. Marissa asks him to stay another night and have dinner; he says no and jokes they might shoot her, thinking she’s Eli. LOL, dark.

Gotta say, watching this scene slowly play out the first time with the chanting in the background sent my stress levels through the roof. I was like, THERE’S STILL TIME TO KILL OFF ELI YET.

Eli says that Marissa’s mom had to talk him into having a kid. Marissa already knew that. “I’m glad she did,” Eli says. “You’re my greatest achievement,” he adds.

Eli never really got an ending on TGW, so to see him getting one that feels so final – all this talk about goodbye, the car driving away – makes me really emotional.

Speaking of emotional, watching Marissa recite a prayer as Eli drives away REALLY got to me. After so many years, I feel so connected to these characters. Even in this heightened, surreal universe, this moment felt real. It made me feel how far we’ve come from the biggest problem in Marissa’s life being that her dad wants to date a grad student to here. It made the stakes feel higher for the whole rest of the season while also giving some finality (for the viewers, hopefully not for Marissa!) to the Eli/Marissa relationship. There weren’t many TGW cameos I needed on TGW (depending on how it goes, I might be actively mad if the last two episodes have Alicia – my friends who have had the misfortune of reminding me about Ghost Will on TGW know that I’m still mad enough about that I will send them a 30-message long rant about that choice) but Eli was one of the few that I hoped to see eventually because of his ties to Marissa. Having Eli back for 2 episodes – 1 for fun and 1 for something serious – really, really worked for the show.

#the good fight #tgfthoughts

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michaelmilkers · 2 years

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Out of curiousity why precisely is it such a bad idea

ok like. i am a very avid fan of horror movies and particularly slashers. my blog icon, in case you were unaware, is literally art of michael myers from halloween a follower made for me years ago.

the slasher genre is defined by (among others) the fact that it is not serious or deep. as far as horror movies go, it usually edges more towards camp. there is gratuitous and gruesome death involving the main cast and related secondary characters because its scary and its a spectacle. the story isnt super deep, and the emotional connection you have with any main characters is usually shallow, because the point of it is to be entertaining and scary and cool to look at. i dont have to explain that conversion therapy is an awful traumatic experience that people still go through, there are lgbt kids at conversion camps right now. to take a genre like slasher films and apply it to this topic is at best tone deaf and at worst cruel.

also, it is very obviously supposed to be derivative of friday the 13th because it was set at a summer camp, camp crystal lake, which spawned a whole subgenre of slashers in this setting like sleepaway camp, the burning, cheerleader camp, etc. theres a way these kinds of movies go. the majority of the cast are going to be lgbt teens who were sent to a psychological torture camp by horrifically bigoted family and we are going to watch them get murdered in creatively gruesome ways. someone at some point wanted to do a spin on friday the 13th and decided it would not only be appropriate but somehow ironic or something to change the setting from a regular summer camp to a conversion camp. thats just so fucking idiot and braindead.

like dont get me wrong, horror can ABSOLUTELY be a GREAT genre to create analogies for or explicit stories about stuff like this. get out was about the white moderate's objectification of black bodies, rosemary's baby was about abortion, candyman was about the fetishization of black peoples trauma, american psycho was about materialism and the soulless facade of the corporate world, the thing was about the red scare; all of these very good movies very effectively communicating what they want to say about their subject matter. i keep seeing people bring up "the inherent horror of conversion camp" but when you think about horror films that are serious and about serious topics, do you think of slasher films? do you think of black christmas, or a nightmare on elm street, or scream? when you think of a suitable horror movie to portray conversion therapy with the care and respect it deserves, do you think of a parody of friday the 13th with a pun for a title?

also the title in this context pisses me off. if it were a slasher movie with almost any other setting i would be in the same boat as everyone else of thinking the title is genius and hilarious. but given what we know of the plot, either the title is referencing they/thems getting slashed, in which case, cool title about trans people getting brutally murdered, or the slasher is nonbinary, and in that case they made the villain trans in a horror movie about conversion camp.

like unless they pull a total fast one i can't see how this won't be a total disaster, even if it has a message or lesson at the end of "conversion therapy bad", why the fuck even make the movie like this in the first place

#sry for the infodump of an answer but this is actually a subject im well versed in

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jolienjoyswriting · 1 year

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Family Matters, Ch. II

Chapter 2 of 4 for "Family Matters", an Essence of Ragnarok story.

A devastating revelation threatens to change everything forever!

Word count: 3,105 – Character count: 18,016 Drafted: March 10th / 11th, 2023 –

And here we are. The big revelation that's actually not so big because it's referenced in future stories. Woo.

Just pretend it's important. It'll make me feel less lame. (,:

Joseph Lithius, Kristian Sanders, and "Essence of Ragnarok" series and related characters and concepts created by and © Jo Li

[ ↶ Prev. Story | ← Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter → | Next Story ↷ ]

Time seemed to freeze as the doctor made his final proclamation of the day. Joseph and Kris both blankly stared at the shorter man, each looking as if they hadn't understood a word he'd just said. Eventually, though, someone snapped out of their confusion.

"I'm sorry, what?" The doctor repeated himself: "You two are related!" Joseph shook his head. Again, he asked: "I'm sorry, what?" So… the doctor clarified. "You're related, Mr. Lithius! You and Ms. Sanders are related by blood!" "I'm sorry… what?" The doctor shook his head before looking at Kris. "According to the blood work that our people did at the lab… there's a 98.9% match between your blood and Mr. Lithius'. That means that in all likelihood, you and Mr. Lithius have the same parentage. Given the close match in blood and the fact that you were born about a year apart, I'd say that you two are most likely siblings. I hope this isn't too shocking…"

Kris continued to stare at the doctor, not saying a word or making a motion. Her ears and tail remained in a neutral stance, and her breathing seemed slow and quiet. It seemed like she'd been stunned by the revelation! Joseph, on the other hand… "I'm sorry… What…?" Joseph seemed like he was in denial.

"I can't explain it any better than that, Mr. Lithius," the doctor told him. "You and Ms. Sanders are more than likely siblings." "I'm…" Joseph paused. "I'm sorry?" "Okay… this is clearly very shocking news to you." "No," he said. "It's more I… don't believe you." "What?" Joseph gave the doctor a stern look. "I said: 'I don't believe you.'" "But, the lab results–" "Fuck the lab results!" The fox's sudden outburst snapped Kris out of her stunned state. She almost immediately turned to face her… boyfriend? Brother? Honestly, she wasn't sure what to see him as other than "Joseph", anymore.

"You're seriously telling me that, for the last few years, I've been dating… romancing… sleeping with… my own fucking sister?!" "Y… yes?" the doctor skittishly admitted. "Impossible." Joseph laughed. "No, that's just not… We would've known if we were related by now! Something would've given us a clue!" "Not necessarily…" The doctor set his clipboard down and gestured to the two. "You look very different. Even your facial structures are…" He paused, squinting… "Huh. Actually, now that I really look at you…"

"I! Am not!" Joseph shouted, pounding the examination bench. "Related! To Kris!!" "It's possible that the blood lab somehow made a mistake…" the doctor confessed. "How would you even know?! Like, what braindead intern came up with this idea?!" "According to my paperwork…" The doctor retrieved his clipboard and read through his paperwork again. "We noticed some patterns in both your and Ms. Sanders' blood. After running a few more tests, we noticed similarities, so we compared your blood samples side-by-side. As I said, it was a 98.9% match, so…"

"Run it again." "What?" Joseph slammed his hand against the vinyl-wrapped padding yet again, causing both the doctor and Kris to flinch. "Run. It. Again." "I mean, we could draw fresh samples and compare the two again, but…" "Then, do it!" The fox rolled his short sleeve up and stuck out his arm. "Jam me with a needle!" he demanded. "Draw as much blood as you need!" "I– I don't have the proper tools right now! You would need to–" "Then get the damn tools!" he roared. "Or do I have to cut my arm open for you?!" "I… I…" The doctor shuffled back toward a small speaker box. "Se– securityyy…?" "You're calling security on me? Really." Joseph scoffed, shaking his head. "You know what? Fuck this place. You're all a bunch of fake doctors. C'mon, Kris. We're leaving." Kris blinked several times in a row as Joseph grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her out of the room. She looked back at the doctor as they left. He still looked scared, but there was a sense of relief as he watched the furious fox leave with his… sister?

"What a bunch of crap!" Joseph growled and huffed, climbing into the passenger seat of Kris' powder-blue car. He made himself comfortable before strapping the shoulder-mounted seatbelt across himself. "Can you believe that guy, Kris?" The fox angrily laughed. "'Oh, we can run the tests again if you like.' You know… I bet he was lying about me being sterile, too. You were right to doubt these idiots! It is just one big scam to milk the insurance companies dry…" He shook his head and deeply sighed. "Alright, well… I guess we'll keep doing what we were doing before. Gotta say… I'm getting a serious itch for some nasty fast food… It's been fun cooking with you and for you, but after the day we've had… The pointless… stupid day… I think we deserve a treat. What do you say, Kris? Fast food and milkshakes?" Joseph turned his head, smiling at Kris. Only… Kris was still standing outside of her car. She looked apprehensive about something… "Kris…?" He titled his head. "Hey, what are you waiting for? Let's get goin'…" "Joseph…" "Yeah?" "I…" She looked to one side, then she looked back his way. "I think… the doctor may be… correct… in his assessments…"

Joseph blinked… then he scoffed. Not long after, he started laughing. "Kris, c'mon…" he chuckled. "You can't be serious." "Have you ever known me to joke about something like this?" All at once, the fox's face fell and his ears folded. "This isn't funny, Kris," he said in a mildly angry tone. "C'mon. Get in the car." "Joseph…" "Get in the car, Kris." The vixen shivered. Her boyfriend-turned-brother was starting to sound agitated… "I… think we should, perhaps, consider the–" "Get. In. The car." "Joseph, you know that I do not respond well to–" "In." He paused, growling. "Now." Aaand… that was the tipping point for the fox lady.

Joseph stared at Kris as she walked around to the passenger door. What was she up to? "Get out of my car, Joseph." He blinked. "What?" "Out!!" Joseph yowled as his girlfriend yanked him out of her car. He almost put up a fight, but luckily for them both, Kris decided to throw him on the ground after pulling him out. "What the fuck, Kris?!" The fox got to his feet, dusting himself off as Kris walked back to the driver's side. His eyes widened, then, as she got in, closed the passenger's door from inside, and started the car. "What… the fuck… Kris…?!!"

Joseph shrieked in anger as Kris started to pull out of her parking spot. If he hadn't stupidly jumped on the hood, she probably would have left right then and there. "Get off of my car!" she shouted after rolling down her window. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Kris!!" "Leaving!" Joseph was very surprised when Kris threw the car into reverse and floored it. As he slid off the hood and crashed to the parking lot ground, she flipped her gearbox into forward drive and… well… drove away! At a reasonable speed, of course.

"What… just happened."

The fox got back up, brushing some dead leaves off of him. As he did, he noticed that a few people were watching him. They'd probably been watching the whole thing transpire… He instinctively wanted to shout at them, but when he saw a police car casually drive into the clinic's lot – likely on unrelated business – he decided to just leave before anyone could point him out to the officers.

"This is great… Just… just great…"

Joseph growled, grumbled, spit, and sputtered, angrily walking through the downtown district with his hands in his pockets.

"No money… no phone… no ID…" he said, regretting leaving his inventory in Kris' car, "and a good thirty-kilo walk back home. Well, at least it's a nice day out…" And right on cue… Joseph heard the rumble of thunder in the distance. "Ivy, Ash, and Sky, really?!" He looked up and, sure enough, dark clouds were rolling in from the direction he was walking toward. "Me and my big mouth…"

Joseph continued to walk for a couple of kilometers. As he did, the weather turned a little foul. First, a cool breeze started to blow. Then, it got a little darker. Finally, it began to rain. And of course, he had no coat, no umbrella, and no patience to simply wait out the rain. So, onward he went, walking a long, boring path back home through the storm.

"Stupid Kris… Stupid doctor… Stupid day…"

By the fourth kilometer, the weather had calmed. It was still breezy but it was no longer raining. Even so, Joseph was still soaked to the bone with no real way to dry himself off. He was cold and still feeling angry… "We should've never gone to that clinic… And why did Kris have to leave me out here by myself?! When I catch up to her…" He growled before shaking his head. "I… probably deserve this…"

About an hour and thirty minutes had passed since Joseph began walking. The clouds had regrouped and began to terrorize the area with more rain. Though it wasn't as heavy of a downpour, it was still enough to "rehydrate" Joseph in all the wrong ways. "I'm sorry… okay?!" He shouted up at the sky, glaring at nothing in particular. "I'm sorry that I yelled at Kris and you guys! I'm sorry that I flipped out at the doctor! I'm sorry for living!! I can't help who I am, much less what I am!!" "Psychopath…" A random passerby snorted at Joseph as he strode by with an umbrella. "Hey– hey, buddy!" the soaked fox called. "You got a cell phone?" "Yes?" The stranger smirked. "Thanks for askin'." "Can I use it? I need to call my… my friend and–" "Get stuffed, fella!" The stranger started walking a bit faster, leaving behind one pissed-off fox. "Fuck you, too, then!!" With that failed exchange over with, the fox continued walking.

Fifteen kilometers into his walk, Joseph noticed that it was starting to get darker – and not just because of the cloud cover. He had been walking for at least three hours, so he guessed it must have been reaching 7 PM. He was cold… wet… very tired… and working on being hungry. When he saw a large, stonework bridge ahead of him… "Well… there's the halfway point…" He decided he'd had enough walking for a while.

"Gods Above… I'm a mess…"

Joseph sat on the wrong side of one of the bridge's safety walls and stared down at his reflection in the river under the bridge. He was a distance from the water, but he could still see that his fur was sopping wet and all over the place, his shirt was nearly transparent from all the rain, and his pants were sticking to his legs. On top of all that… he just plain looked miserable.

"What did I do to deserve this…?" he asked his reflection. "Other than yell at my girlfriend, I mean. Void Below… I don't even know if she still is my girlfriend after today…" He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "What kind of boyfriend can't give his girlfriend what she wants…? The kind with fucked up hormones and too much testosterone, apparently… Might explain my temper…" He shook his head before putting his glasses back on. "Look at you…" Again, he was talking to his reflection. "You're pathetic. A mishmash of genetic splicing that can't satisfy your girl, much less put a bun in her oven! If the doctor's right… you'll never be able to, either! Heh. Serves me right, I suppose… It's probably better if losers like me never reproduce." He pulled one leg up to his chest, leaving the other to dangle. "Especially if… if she and I… r-really are…" Joseph had been too mad… too proud… and too full of disbelief to take anything the doctor had said seriously. After three hours of walking, though, he was done being mad, had been humbled by the weather and rude strangers walking by, and was just about ready to consider the possibility that… maybe the doctor was right about everything…

"What if Kris and I are related…?" he asked his watery mirror image. "What… what does that mean for us as a couple? We can't possibly have kids of our own now… They'd grow up deformed! I'm… I'm not even sure we could legally adopt! Gods know what would happen if anyone we knew found out we were siblings, much less people who influenced our kids… We'd have to keep our relationship a secret… and… and bury the truth…" Joseph's stomach started to churn. "That I… I slept with my sister… that I… that I had sex with my sister… that– that I… I t-try to have… have… have a k… ki… ki– aughuagalghll!!" Out of nowhere, he shuddered hard and vomited what little was left in his stomach from breakfast. Then… all at once, the gravity of the situation bore down on the fox, making him tremble and bringing tears to his eyes.

Joseph sobbed as thoughts of all the time he and Kris spent together flooded into his head. All of those cherished memories of being in love had been decimated and turned into toxic sludge by the thought of them being related by blood. "I'm a monster…! A pervert…!!" he shouted at the river. "I'm depraved!! I… I slept with… was in love with… my– my biological sister!! I… I…" He panted, trembling and shaking. "I…!" His breathing hit a fevered pitch. "I…" And then… all at once… he was calm.

For the longest time, Joseph stared down at his distorted reflection. It had started to rain again, so he couldn't see himself clearly anymore. In his fragile state, however, he had to believe that the warped and wavy reflection was how people would see him… or did see him. He was a horrible monster with deformed genetics. He slept with his sister… tried to impregnate her… and was going to raise a child with her. There was no hope left for him. The well had run dry. He was beyond redemption…

Joseph stared, stone-faced, at the Haz River below, the cool water flowing softly. It was a wide river, though not very deep. If someone were to drop from the bridge five meters above, there was every chance that they'd be seriously injured… Depending on how they landed, they might even die. It wasn't likely, but it could happen. And with any luck… it would happen. Originally, he had sat on the wrong side of the stone barricade to reflect on his day and his life. As the rain continued to splash the water below, however, another thought entered his head. Slowly, the fox began to stand up. He continued to stare at his broken reflection, keeping a hand on the bridge's barricade. His mind felt fuzzy and his eyes couldn't focus, but he knew what he had to do.

Just let go… he thought. Everything will be easier that way. He stared at the river… his reflection… and the oblivion that awaited him. Maybe it was the cold rain that did it, or maybe it was the situation he was in. Whatever the case, he was starting to go numb… and not just physically.

Just let go… he continued to think. Let go… and everything will be alright. His vision seemed to fade the longer he looked downward. Just let go… Darkness filled his eyes and his mind. Just let go… That's all he had to do. Just… let go of everything he ever knew. Just let go… It would be so easy. All he had to do was… "Just let go."

A sudden voice from the aether snapped Joseph back to reality. He was so startled by it, he almost did let go! Counterintuitively, though, he leaned into the side of the bridge and clung even harder. "Wh-wh-what the fuck–" "Are you going to let go or not?" The fox looked around. It took him only a second to find the source of the voice. "Kr… Kris…?!" Standing on the other side of the barricade was the familiar form of the brown vixen Joseph had been agonizing over. She was wearing a long, double-breasted overcoat, holding an umbrella, and looking unusually… cold. Even for her.

"Let go," she told him. "Jump." "What–" Joseph blinked. "No!" "Then get into the vehicle." "Wha… what?" Joseph's ears fell back, tears immediately filling his eyes. "Wait… D-did you just tell me to jump off…?" he whimpered. "I want you to make a decision," she answered. "Jump or get into the vehicle." She gestured with her free hand to her blue car parked near the far end of the bridge. "It makes little difference to me." "Wh-why are you being so mean, Kris…" She lowered her head, glaring. "Why are you being such a simpering fool?" "You know damn well why!" Once again, Joseph whimpered. "Kriiis…" "No." Her eyes narrowed again. "There will be no fishing for sympathy. You have a choice to make, Joseph. Either you jump off of this bridge and, hopefully, land on your head to end your suffering… or you find your way to my vehicle, get in, and we return home." "H… home?" "Your name is on the paperwork. It is your home as much as it is mine." "Kris…?" The fox swallowed. "Are you… are you–" "Jump or come home," she interrupted. "Choose, or I will choose for you." Joseph… did not like the sound of that.

"What?" he said, nervously laughing. "Are you saying you'll push me if I don't jump?" Kris didn't answer. Instead, she closed and folded her umbrella, letting the weather lightly pour over her frame. She raised her folded umbrella… held it horizontally… and then placed the tip against Joseph's forehead. "That's… that's murder." He laughed a little more. "You'd murder me…?" "Jump or get into the vehicle." He shivered, more tears breaking free. "Why are you doing this…?!" he yelled. "Jump. Or get into the vehicle," she said with ice in her voice. "Choose. Now." Joseph couldn't believe what was happening. Kris had that umbrella placed squarely on his forehead and seemed entirely ready to jab him with it… which would probably be enough of a shock to get him to let go and fall in. She wouldn't… she wouldn't really do that, would she? "Five." He was about to find out…

#fiction #Essence of Ragnarok #Year 2046 #Family Matters #original characters #jolikmc #Joseph Lithius #Kristian Sanders #drama #suspense

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gamerwoo · 3 years

Text

[Tales from the Pack] Joshua: Second Chance (Part Four)

Characters: Joshua x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, fluff, fluffy angst, Josh being a grumpy old man lmao

Word count: 2,042

Summary: After his mate died, Joshua always blamed himself and never wanted to imprint again. However, fate has other ideas when he meets you: a young, energetic werecoyote that’s quite the opposite of him. He insists he doesn’t want a new mate – nobody’s even sure if he’s ready for a new one – but he can’t ignore his instincts.

Previous | Next | Second Chance Masterlist

Because of how exhausted he was, Joshua was in and out of consciousness for a while. He couldn’t even keep track of days because he was sleeping at weird hours -- but it had really only been two days. He never stayed awake for very long -- the longest was always just to eat and go to the bathroom if he had to, and then go back to sleep -- but the first thing his eyes always found when he opened them was you.

You, however, weren’t asleep for nearly as long. You woke up again in the morning to see Joshua was still asleep -- you didn’t know he’d ever woken up. You still had a million questions bouncing around your head about who he was, what happened next, and the like, but you decided to just go with it until you found out. No point in panicking, right?

“You should be all set to go home today,” Minjee reported.

The wolfsbane was cleansed from your system -- mostly thanks to Joshua, otherwise your recovery would’ve been slower since you didn’t heal as quickly as the werewolves -- so all you really had to do was rest until your body fully recovered. But that was the same for Joshua, so it worked out.

However, Minjee wasn’t sure what was happening when you were discharged. Would you go home with Joshua and his pack mates? Would he turn you away and have you go off on your own? Even Hansol and Kyung said they weren’t sure when Minjee had asked.

But you just nodded, not even having those thoughts cross your mind, “Okay.”

Minjee sat down on the edge of your bed and studied you, “Do you mind if I ask a few questions first?”

“Sure,” you shrugged without hesitation.

“What’s your name?”

“_____ _____.”

“And where are you from, _____?”

“The Capitol.”

Minjee’s eyebrows raised, “So you’re not too far from here, then. We’re in the Capitol -- southeast of the castle.”

Huh. You didn’t know that. That was at least convenient to be close to a familiar place. But the Capitol was huge.

“Do you have a pack or family?” Minjee continued.

You shook your head. You’d been on your own for a few years now.

“You’re alone?” she asked.

In the other room, Kyung and Hansol looked at each other.

“So then why were you running around the forest at night, _____?” Minjee continued.

You shrugged, “Got bored.”

Minjee definitely thought you were...interesting. You were all by yourself, you were running through the woods in the dark for fun, and you still somehow didn’t seem fazed by any of it. And to top it all off, you still kept glancing over at Joshua and rubbing one thumb over his knuckles like you were already comfortable with him. He was a complete stranger to you, you hadn’t even spoken to him or seen him awake, but you didn’t seem to care. You weren’t even asking her questions like she expected. It was like you didn’t care about anything, you were just rolling with whatever came.

“Hey, Jee?” a girl opened the curtain and popped her head in. She had loose springy curls that were tied into two buns on her head, brown skin, dark freckles dotted over her cheeks and nose, and golden eyes that shifted over to you. Her eyes widened slightly for some reason before returning to Minjee. “Two of our other alphas are here. They want to know what’s happening with Joshua.”

“He’ll be good to go home when he wakes up,” she replied warmly with a nod. “He’ll definitely need the help home, though.”

The foreign girl turned her head, listening to what someone else was saying to her before turning back again, “Jihoon wants to talk to you.”

“Send them right in.”

The girl stepped aside to let two men through the white curtain -- you wondered if it was actually a bedsheet. One was short with light brown hair, and the other was taller with silver hair. The shorter one had an undercut with the rest of his hair looking a little wavy, while the taller one’s hair was fluffier and parted to the side. Like the girl, they both had golden eyes that seemed to study you curiously.

Jihoon and Seungcheol assumed you must’ve been the girl they’d heard about considering your cot was still beside Joshua’s, and your hand was wrapped around his. You didn’t react to their staring, just blinking back at them. But they took note of one physical difference that Soomin either forgot to mention or simply was unaware of: instead of gold eyes, your eyes were an icy blue.

The taller one’s eyes moved over to the doctor, while the shorter one continued to blatantly stare at you. Of course, you stared back.

“Is he really well enough to come home already?” the taller boy wondered. “It’s only been two days.”

Minjee nodded, “Hansol has medicine he’ll have to take three times a day to help with pain and healing, and Joshua will have medicine to take every twelve hours. ______ will need medicine as well, but... Um, other than that, the two just need a lot of rest -- especially Joshua.”

“What about her?” the shorter one asked, nodding his head toward you.

Before Minjee could say anything, you opened your mouth, “What about me?”

Jihoon’s eyebrows raised in surprise, almost like he didn’t think you could or would talk, “...Sorry.”

“Can you guys keep it down?” a groggy, raspy voice asked beside you.

Your head whipped to the right as you felt Joshua’s fingers squeeze yours. He was rubbing one eye with his free hand and letting out a yawn before he blinked his eyes open and looked between the two alphas.

“He lives,” Seungcheol chuckled. “How do you feel, Shua?”

“Like shit,” he replied, draping his arm over his eyes.

The two alphas noticed Josh was keeping his hand in yours despite being awake. Their eyes flickered from your hands, to each other.

“What’re we talking about?” Josh asked after a few seconds of silence.

“Uh...well…” Seungcheol tried desperately to find the right words to ask what he planned to do about you, but he was too scared to bring you up to Josh. He didn’t want to upset him already.

Thankfully, Minjee spoke up, “I need to know what’s happening with _____.”

Hearing your name, you broke out of your trance of staring at Joshua now that he was finally awake, and looked at the doctor.

Joshua tore his arm away from his eyes and lifted his head slightly to narrow his eyes at Minjee, “Who?”

She gestured to you, “Your mate.”

Hearing the title made him growl lowly in his chest as he slowly turned to look at you. Despite the aggressive noise, you could hear his heartbeat pick up when his eyes landed on you. It was also the first time he was seeing you awake, and deep down, it felt amazing to see you actually alive and well.

However, he still managed to tear his hand away from yours.

“She’s not coming home with us,” he scoffed. “She’s not my problem.”

“Josh--”

“Jihoon, you can’t tell me what to do,” he cut off the alpha. “I’ll do perfectly fine on my own, thank you. I don’t want or need another mate.”

However, everyone was surprised to see that you weren’t speaking up. They looked at you and found that you didn’t even seem bothered by Joshua’s words or actions. You had lifted your now empty hand closer to your face, looking at it as if you’d see traces of Joshua or something. But your expression was neutral before you looked up at Josh and shrugged.

“Alright.”

Seungcheol blinked, “A-- Alright?”

“Yeah,” you shrugged again. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It kind of is…” Jihoon said like you were stupid.

Hey, maybe you were. You didn’t know how any of this worked. You didn’t even fully grasp what was going on.

“It’s a good thing you’re braindead, I guess,” Joshua snorted under his breath before laying his head back down.

“We’ll just...take him home now,” Seungcheol told Minjee awkwardly, bowing his head slightly in a silent apology.

“I’ll go get their medications,” the doctor replied as she stood. “You can get Hansol and Joshua ready to be discharged.”

The curtain was pushed aside so the two patients could now interact. Seungcheol and Kyung were going to have to help support Joshua as he walked at least to the edge of the forest so Seungcheol could properly carry him without getting odd looks. But Hansol was good enough to walk home on his own, and you were, too. So you got out of bed and changed back into the clothes you were in when they found you -- but now they were washed and clean.

“So..._____,” the taller alpha began just to make some sort of conversation in the awkward silence, “where are you going to go now?”

“Uh…” you trailed off before shrugging. “I don’t know, probably back to the cave.”

“Cave?” the girl repeated as the group looked at you with varying looks of surprise. “I thought you were from here?”

“I am,” you nodded, “but I don’t live here.”

“You live in a cave?” the shorter alpha checked.

You shook your head, “Well, no. Recently, I’ve been staying in a cave because I found it. Before it was just...wherever there was some sort of shelter.”

“So you don’t live anywhere?” the wolf you had yet to meet asked. He had shaggy strawberry blonde hair and stayed close to the other girl.

“I guess not.”

You were too busy going back to putting your shirt on that you didn’t notice the way the pack pointedly looked at Joshua.

As the pack was leaving and walking down the few steps -- going slowly as to be accommodating for Josh -- you followed behind them. You weren’t really sure what to do with yourself for the rest of the day since you still weren’t feeling 100%. Maybe you could just go find a place to nap or something.

The pack continued onto the path, but Joshua turned his head. He saw you still standing on the middle step, looking this way and that with a thoughtful look on your face as you held a small paper bag with your medication in it. He stopped walking, causing the two who were helping support his weight stop. So the two behind him stopped, as well. They all turned to look where he was looking, which was at you.

Joshua very loudly cleared his throat, catching your attention. He was looking at you in annoyance, and his eyes rolled when you continued to just stand there and stare at him.

“Well come on,” he snapped.

“...Huh?”

“Let’s go,” he said with more force. “I’m tired and wanna go home. If you trail behind and get caught in another net or get attacked by wild animals, that’s not my problem.”

He turned back and continued walking again, the two beside him moving with him despite them continuing to glance back at you.

Was he...inviting you home with them? But didn’t he say you weren’t going with them? So--

“You should probably hurry,” the short one -- you realized his name was Jihoon -- told you, though he had traces of a smile on his face. “He’s pretty irritable.”

“Shut up, Hoon,” Joshua called behind him.

Jihoon chuckled but continued walking.

Hansol, however, stayed back to wait for you. He understood you must’ve been a little confused. You were dying, only to wake up to a mate, members of his pack, and now you were being told one thing and then something completely opposite. So he waved you over.

“C’mon, _____,” he called with a warm smile. “We’re gonna take you home.”

Home. That sounded nice to you. It was a word you hadn’t heard or thought of in a while now. So you bounded down the steps and walked beside Hansol as he began telling you about their pack and the house.

Ahead of you, Joshua was grumbling to himself in annoyance about the whole situation.

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yanderemommabean · 3 years

Note

Hello!! I apologize if this isn’t the kind of ask you want but I after seeing that Dabi/Tensei ask I was just thinking about a Alpha Dabi/Beta Tensei where one day Dabi straight up just kidnaps Tensei and is very possessive about him but when he goes into host first rut with Tensei, he’s so unbelievably gentle, especially since male betas biologically aren’t meant for alpha mating (Not that that’s gonna stop Dabi hdhsj). Tensei’s just !??? Also! May I be Rose bean?

He doesn’t really expect it to be so gentle. Praise, sweet whispers, possessive fingers digging into him in a way that states Dabi won’t ever let go (at least not willingly) and claiming bites that are soothed by licks causing shivers and soft whimpers of need and arosual.

Dabi purrs, nuzzling into Tensei’s neck as he slowly opens him, fingers gently pressing and prodding while he gives praise. “Relax...deep breaths now...doing so good for me. That’s it, let your alpha take care of you”.

How can he not melt on the spot when honeyed words are poured out so sinfully? Tensei obeys, placing his face into the pillows while dipping his back to press his hips out more, presenting himself like an omega in heat begging for a knot.

“You look so good Tensei. Keep breathing, focus on the pleasure baby”

God, something about his voice sends pleasant shivers up and down his spine, pooling in his gut with heat. The pads of the alphas fingers push against a bundle inside of him, and Tensei bites down on the pillow in front of him as he moans, fingers clenching as Dabi continues to massage and assault the nerves.

Fuck, that feels good! His fingers know exactly where to search and what to look for, how long has Dabi been doing this?! Oh fuck-“ AH! Ngh-n-not too fast, please! I-I’ll....” god he couldn’t finish that sentence. It’s too lewd and embarrassing to say! Not that this act is any better.

Dabi drapes himself over Tenseis back, fingers still plunging into his clenching hole as his lips claim whatever skin they can reach. “Mmm youll what? You have to tell me, or I might not be able to stop”.

Tensei felt his cheeks bloom with deep, fiery red. He tried to say anything coherent, but Dabis fingers continue to flex and press right against that nerve, making his thighs quake and his core tighten. Asshole.

He whines out pathetically, his cock drooling precum and begging for attention. He tries to wriggle his hips against the sheets, needing just a bit more friction to make himself cum, unable to speak as Dabi adds another finger inside of him.

“Ah, I see “ Dabi said amused, “little beta wants to cum so bad. Is that so hard to say?” He teases, speeding up his assault on Tensei’s prostate. If his little mate wanted to cum, who is he to deny him? “Do it then. Cum for your alpha, show me how badly you want to be filled and bred like a good boy”.

Dabi scissors and stretches his fingers inside of his rim, watching as tensei throws his head back and cries, his cock pulsing and twitching with every stroke and curl of his skilled fingers.

He pushes back, wanting them deeper, giving in and falling apart blissfully as he chases his high. “Yes yes yes! Oh fuck yes alpha! Dabi, I’m gonna- I’m gonna-“ it’s so lewd to say! He wants to warn him, give him some sort of sign that he’s close other than the whorish moans leaving his mouth, but he’s still somehow so shy about it.

Dabi adores it. His cute little beta trying to be naughty and slutty. They’ll get there soon. Right now all the alpha wants is to make this man cum so hard he goes braindead for a moment, so if that means milking his prostate until he gets carpal tunnel then so be it.

Tensei bows his head forward, bracing himself on his elbows as his orgasm washes over him, mouth hanging open in a silent scream as Dabis fingers continue to feed into his pleasure. Riding out his orgasm is made even more intense when the alpha gives a quick bite to his neck, growling possessively at the sight of what he can turn this beta into.

A mess of needy moans and an aching hole to be filled.

“So fucking good for me. God damn you’re beautiful Tensei” Dabi bites out, slowly pulling his fingers out of the embarrassed mans ass while he hides his rose red face. How cute, he thinks he can hide? Not on Dabis watch.

Dabi gently squeezes and massages his cheeks, feeling them up and admiring how his cute hole begs to have something filling it again. “Such a needy little thing. Don’t worry, I’ll fill you up with everything I’ve got baby. Think you can give your alpha another round?”.

-Mommabean (sadly rose bean is taken! However there are other flower names available!) ((yall please comment or something it’s like 5 am I wrote this at work ))

#we need a roll call #Mommabean #Yandere Dabi #Yandere bnha #Yandere ships #Yandere smut #yandere lemons #Yandere male #rare pair #yandere scenarios #yandere imagines

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realcube · 3 years

Text

nurse’s office || tobio kageyama x reader

summary: you visit your boyfriend - tobio kageyama - in the nurse’s office after hinata spiked a ball directly at his face

tw// blood, swearing, mentions of violence

You rushed down the hallway, jacket half on and half waving around as a cape behind you while still stuffing your supplies from the previous class into your handbag as you ran.

Yes, ran. One of the hall monitors tried to get you to slow down by shoving their arm out in front of your path but you simply swerved them; nothing was going to stop you from getting to your stupid blueberry boyfriend.

Also, the fact that you were mad too made your expression ten times more threatening and dark so if the hall monitor did somehow get you stop, he would’ve immediately regretted it.

Your all-around aggressive demeanour was probably the reason that girls like Yachi were simping for you and boys like Hinata shat their pants whenever you were in a 10 foot radius of them. And due to your need to constantly make snarky remarks - yet the paired with the inability to receive them without getting your feelings hurt - it was almost inevitable that you’d end up with someone like Kageyama.

Eventually, you reached the door of the nurse office; a place that was all too familiar as you’d sit in there for hours holding and icepack to your bloody nose or your black eye after getting in another fight with some braindead scum who tried to two-time one of your friends - which was a shamefully often occurrence.

You chapped on the door; not something you’d usually do but you’d rather knock than walk in during his check-up. “Bakeyama..” You grumbled, pulling out a pocket mirror from your purse to check if you had ruined your lipgloss - which you hadn’t. “Can I come in?”

It took a moment but then you were finally greeted by the angelic noise of Kageyama groaning from the other side of the door, “Eh, no. Go away.”

You giggled, a sweet smile graced your perfectly glossed lips as you shoved your pocket mirror away, pushing the door open as you sung in your best ‘lovely girlfriend’ voice, “I’m coming in, baby.” Which resulted in you immediately being met by Kageyama roaring, “Boke! I said go away!”

You rolled your eyes, slipping through the doorway and promptly closing it behind you, your expression immediately dropping into a frown as you realised Kageyama was in a situation you were quite familiar with. He was sitting on the ‘bed’ - which was in fact a regular duo school desk with a duvet and pillow on it - with tissues sticking out from his bleeding nostrils.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, king - it’s not like you haven’t seen mine like..a hundred times.”

Kageyama didn’t understand most things but your statement especially perplexed him, “Seen what a hundred times? Your panties?” That was the most obvious conclusion he could come to but if that was what you meant - as much as he wished it was - it wouldn’t be true.

His question precipitated a burst of heat to erupt on the tips of your ears, slowly flowing from there to cover your cheeks, leading to you hiding your face with your hands in embarrassment, “Stupid! No! I meant my bloody nose!”

Kageyama nodded, unable to stifle a laugh at how cute you looked while flustered, “Ah, okay.” He hummed, trying to admire your blushing face but your hands shielding his view made it a challenge. “I like your nails.”

You paused, removing your hands from your face and turned them around to look at your plain, unmanicured nails. You shot your boyfriend a puzzled look, “Huh? But they’re not even done.”

“Yeah, I know.” Kageyama sighed, mindlessly cracking his knuckles. “I just wanted you to move your hands so I could see your face.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, about to give him a scolding for not applying those sort of problem solving skills to his schoolwork but he began speaking again before you even got the chance to open your mouth, “How did you even know I was here?”

You hummed in thought before pulling out your phone, inputting your PIN then opening IMessage to show Kageyama the texts that Hinata sent you.

You impatiently rolled your eyes as Illiteracyama took what felt like a millennium to read those two messages, “I figured you were in the nurse’s office because the tangerine wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise.”

Kageyama nodded, finally averting his gaze from the phone as an indication that he had finally finished reading the messages, “Yeah, okay. You should respond though, he’s probably shitting himself right now thinking that you’re going to beat him up or something.”

“Why would he think I’d do that?” You innocently inquired, checking you lip-gloss in your front camera again - it was basically second nature at this point.

“I don’t know. He’s just a pussy, I guess. The rest of the team aren’t intimidated by you at all.” Kageyama mused, recalling how fond most of the team were of you when you first met them at a match.

You simply shrugged, closing your camera and opening IMessage back up, typing the most reassuring response you could think of. It was a struggle because everything you said could’ve came off as threatening depending on how he interpreted it but you ultimately settled with:

After you placed your phone back into your into your purse, you turned your attention back to Mr bloody nose sat in front of you. After a moment of exchanging an intense gaze with him, you burst out laughing, causing Kageyama to quirk up an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”

You tossed your head back in bliss, wiping tears of joy away from your eyes, “You look so cute with the tissues- and the nose-” You were hardly able to form a whole, cohesive sentence through your wheezes.

Your choice of words being ‘cute’ to describe him set his cheeks aflame, “I-jus-you-” he stammered, not sure how exactly to respond, thus he blurted the first thing that came to mind. “Fuck off.”

You paid no attention to his comment and eventually you cackles died down to nothing but light pants accompanied by a gleeful smile. “Yeah,” You breathed, glancing at the time displayed on the clock by the door, “I should probably get going - unless you’d miss me to much.” You cooed, pulling out your pocket mirror again to make sure your tears didn’t ruin your lashes.

“You wish.” Kageyama smirked, always having felt respect for how much effort and dedication you put into your makeup and image - it kinda made him want to care about his appearance more but then again, why would he want to put in the extra time in the morning to spike his hair rather than doing something more productive like.. practising sets?

“How long until you’re allowed to leave? Did the nurse tell you?” You inquired out of curiosity, slipping on the other sleeve of your jacket which had apparently been hanging off this whole time.

Kageyama subconsciously extended his arm out intertwine his fingers with yours as he wracked his brain for the answer, “I think she said I can go home when a family member comes to pick me up - which is stupid because I am literally fine to walk home myself but she said it had to do with protocol and stuff.” He trailed off closer to the end of his sentence, his hoarse voice lowering drastically.

“Yeah.” You mused, rubbing your thumb across the back of his hand as you glanced around the room in search of anything you might’ve accidentally dropped but the coast seemed clear. “Anyway, um, bye!” You chirped, leaning in to peck him on the lips as you’d usually do but they were currently covered the long pieces of tissue hanging out his nose. So, instead you craned your neck upwards to plant a kiss on his forehead before letting go of his hand, turning on your heels and heading out.

“Bye.” Kageyama grumbled in response.

You gently closed the door behind you and strolled over to the gates of the school at your own pace, you took a longer route though so you didn’t have to pass the hall monitor you veered around on your way to the nurse’s office.

Upon arriving at the gates of the school to start your journey home, you felt your purse vibrate so you pulled out your phone, examining the lockscreen for the notification. It was a text from Kageyama. Of course that piqued your interest so you opened it immediately, the text in question causing a light blush to cross your features.

You smiled; everything about this was just hilarious to you.

Firstly, of course Kageyama’s first time saying ‘I love you’ was going to be over text. And you couldn’t blame him either, it’s an intimidating thing to say aloud so you were just glad he had the balls to say it over IMessage.

Secondly, you were very proud of Illiteracyama for being able to spell such a hard set of words in so little time as it had only been around 4 minutes since you left the nurse’s office - this must be a new personal record for him.

And last but not least, the cherry on top, it was followed by this extremely charming and persuasive message.

You burst out laughing on the spot and luckily there was nobody around to judge you. Oh, the joy Kageyama would make you feel after saying the most simple things - it was almost like his superpower; besides his killer sets.

Wiping another tear from your eye, you typed your response with weak fingers.

#haikyu x reader #haikyū!!#haikyuu!!#kageyama #haikyuu tobio #tobio headcanons #tobio x y/n #kageyama x reader #kageyama x y/n #kageyama smau #kageyama fluff #kageyama hcs #tobio fluff #tobio smau #kageyama tobio #hq kageyama #tobio kageyama

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memes-in-a-half-shell · 3 years

Text

Business AU - Working Late, Part 11

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8 || Part 9 || Part 10

Sorry for the long wait. I was braindead and hitting a small writer’s block ehhreuhreuhuhruefuhUFedfueHrfuehfuehffffffffhhh

It had been a couple of days since Donatello revealed his ninja ways to Vee, and he couldn’t help feeling surprised by how much less of a weight on his shoulders he felt ever since then. It had been somehow liberating to confide that side of him to someone else, other than family and very close friends.

At work the situation still remained professional between those two, but the unconditional exchange of smiles and lingering of hands whenever handing documents could not fool anyone. And one turtle did notice it the most.

It was still early in the workday when Donnie was going once again to the coffee machine for a refill. He and Vee had been working harder these past few days on the Lowline and it was finally nearing its completion. That meant staying late, having little to no sleep, and waking early for the next day. At least he had been able to crash at Vee’s apartment on some occasions to have a little extra time of sleep - which he would’ve lost by driving back to his place.

“Weren’t you wearing that shirt yesterday?”

A presence came next to him, none other than Raphael.

“It’s still clean,” simply answered Donnie, not even flinching as he was pouring coffee in his mug.

He turned to his brother next, keeping his drink black and his expression neutral. Raph snickered, scanning the other.

“Damn, what, are you sleeping in your office? Is that why you’re still dressed the same?”

Donnie slowly shook his head, taking a sip.

“Nah, I slept at Vee’s, that’s why.”

The red banded mutant was instantly amused, a knowing smirk appearing on his lips.

“Ah, so I assume everything’s going well then? I suspected as much...”

The tall one did smile a little, simply thinking about Vee making his heart flutter. But what Raph said next did bring his mood down a little:

“How long will you keep it up with her?”

Here it goes. All four of them never really kept a relationship for long. Donnie didn’t have had many of them anyway, as he never have felt any real attachment before. But this time it was different, and he knew his family would not approve...

“Actually, we’re kinda aiming for the long run, she and I,” he said without any fear.

“You’re joking, right?”

“Absolutely not.”

Raphael frowned, his posture straightening a little.

“... You do realize that’s not what we all agreed on? You know the risks, Donnie.”

The purple clad mutant placed his mug down a bit harshly on a countertop. He was definitely not having any of this today - at least not with the lack of caffeine.

“Then tell me, why are we not pushing our searches for the Foot?” he started. “You know I could find them. Ever since I found out about the technology they used to break into the Lair, I can most probably track their signal. If Leo would just allow me to spend more time on figuring it out, I-”

“Listen,” hushed Raph, trying to keep his cool. “You know I agree with you on this, but at the same time it’s better if they’re the ones to make mistakes. We have eyes and ears all over the city now. For once we can focus on other things than chasing them down.”

“And how long will it takes before we finally get our hands on them? Why are we forbidding ourselves to live a normal life to its fullest, especially now that we’re out of those damned sewers?”

Donnie stopped himself, knowing his tone was getting a little strong. He didn’t want people to hear. Raph was about to reply, but he stopped him with a lift of his hand.

“My office. Now.”

“You know what? No,” still replied the other terrapin in a stern tone. “I don’t wanna hear anything more. ... I’m happy for you, I really am, but I sure hope as hell that you know what you’re doing. ... We’ll always have enemies, Donnie, even after the Foot. ... Hoping for normalcy is the price we have to pay for being us. I’m sure you don’t wanna have another death on your conscience.”

“I’m choosing not to live in fear anymore, you guys should do the same.”

Raph simply tsked, unnerved, waving that recommendation off. Oh it took all of Donnie’s restraint to not throw his mug to his brother’s shell as he was walking away.

***

He had a hard time focusing after that interaction. In Donnie’s mind it seemed so simple and logical. Why would they waste their time waiting for the Foot to reveal themselves? Why couldn’t they just jump into action, just like the good old days? On one hand, he knew that by taking a bold initiative, they would probably taint their image, but on the other he knew they could handle that matter tactfully. They’re ninjas, for crying out loud!

Donnie let out a rough sigh, leaning back into his chair. ... He really needed to change his mind. All this sudden adrenaline rushing through him, mixed with caffeine, he knew he wouldn’t be able to calm down until he’d release some tension and energy. He eyed his computer for some minutes, a plan building up in his mind. We’re ninjas, he thought back again. We can be discreet. Hell, I’ll even prove that I can do anything without getting caught.

He couldn’t help his smirk, already opening a conversation window with Vee.

He didn’t even wait for a reply, getting out of his chair and then his office, heading towards the mentionned place. The aformentioned conference room was way back on this floor, only in use whenever receiving a visit from business men and foreign companies. He didn’t have to wait long after reaching the closet for the woman to arrive next, visibly perplexed.

“What’s going on? Why did you want to meet here?” she asked, stopping by his side.

Donnie quickly glanced around - nobody in sight - next getting a hold of Vee’s hand and dragging her inside the closet and closing the door. The place was cramped and barely any light was getting in from the door’s crack below.

“Donnie, what the hell!?”

“I know, I know! This is sudden,” he started in a hurried and hushed tone. “But look, I just- I gotta do something. I-..”

He tried to shake his stress away, taking a deep breath in, letting his needs take the wheel...

“Tell me two things,” he continued, his voice now a little deeper. “Will you let me fuck you? And can you not moan outloud?”

Vee’s face was suddenly red, at a suden loss for words. She could feel the mutant’s presence getting closer, his hands ghosting over her arms.

“I- I thought we’d leave that out of the workplace,” she spoke out in a tiny voice.

“I know. ... Right now I need this though. I’m sorry. If you don’t want to, I’ll stop-”

He couldn’t end his sentence, Vee grabbing his mask tails and bringing him down for a hungry kiss. The passion and need was instantly created, Donnie grabbing the woman’s ass and under thighs, lifting her up so she could hook her legs to his hips as best as she could - with the shell in the way. Her arms hooked around the turtle’s neck, keeping herself close to him. Thankfully she was wearing a skirt, so there wouldn’t be much to remove... She was backed up against a wall, trying her damn best not to let out any sounds as the other was now kissing at her neck. She felt one of his fingers get to her core, easily pushing aside one side of her thong and starting to finger her. She could feel his smile against her skin, his voice murmuring:

“A nice choice of underwear you got there. At least I won’t have to rip it out.”

Vee was unable to answer, panting slightly as she could then feel his digit pump in and out, accompanied by a slight come hither motion. The sudden urgency of the moment was throwing her on an incredible edge, allowing Donnie to have some fun until she could only whimper a simple “more” as she nuzzled his cheek. The bass in his chest rumbled low enough only for her to hear, his busy hand now unbuckling and unzipping his pants. He only lowered his clothes enough to free his dick, letting its head tantalizingly rub against the woman’s opening. Donnie lovingly squeezed Vee’s ass, letting his snout trace her traits and taking in her scent.

“You want it baby, huh?” he whispered. “You wanna feel good? I wanna feel good too...”

I just wanna be with you right now... He felt one of her hands get down, moving aside her panties again. That delicious movement of her hips only told him that now was the time, his hold still on her lower body as he brought her even closer so they could connect. Vee was quick to bring her hand and arm back around his neck, drowning her sudden need to moan into a kiss. She felt the mutant take the lead, his grip tight enough to bring pleasure and to move the woman with ease, accompanying the sensual roll of his hips. Gosh, he wanted to feel her tight around him...

“Touch yourself, love,” he encouraged. “I wanna feel that pussy cum around me. ... All for me. Mine...”

Drunk with his words, Vee brought her hand down once more, starting to rub her clit in circles.

“Donnie, fffuucckk,” she slurred in a quiet tone.

She could feel every inches of him rub her walls in such delicious ways. The closet was getting warmer and warmer, the couple keeping close only so they could drown any sounds and melt into eachother’s hold.

“Don’t stop,” pleaded Vee. “Right there...”

She could hear his churr get slightly stronger, his hold sinking a little more into her.

“I’ve got you, baby.”

She tried her best to calm her panting. Her eyes closed so she could get lost in all her feelings, she could sense the mutant’s gaze on her, most probably studying her traits and loving everything he was seeing in this semi-darkness. Donnie couldn’t stop himself from kissing at one side of her exposed neck, making his way to her jaw and cheek, the taste of her skin throwing him through an incredible high. He heard the woman gasp, her legs sinking deeper into his hips. That’s when he also felt her walls deliciously pulse around him. He thought he could finish as well, but Vee’s voice pleaded once more:

“Keep going... I wanna cum with you.”

Oh fuck. He could feel her still touching her clit, her body lit by her desire. This time he did not hold back, his lips finding hers as his pace took a little more speed. They never broke the kiss, knowing that if they did, moans would escape them instead. Vee was gasping for air as she came another time, the tightness of her core finally bringing Donnie to his resolve. His churr did rise in intensity, trying to hush his voice. Both were now glued to eachother, Vee’s arms rightfully coming back around her mutant lover’s neck with a lovesick sigh. Donnie took that moment of peace to gently nuzzle her temple, taking in her scent and leaving sweet kisses here and there. As their heartbeats were calming down, the turtle noticed a roll of brown paper towel resting on a metal shelf nearby, already bringing it near.

“Welp, that’s all we got to clean up,” he announced with a weak smile.

That brought a small chuckle out of Vee, proceeding to help the other in ripping some pieces of paper apart. As they were cleaning themselves, the woman did break the silence:

“That was quite sudden, not gonna lie. Any reason why you had such a craving?”

Donnie sighed, throwing his papers in a garbage can nearby.

“I needed to let some steam out,” he started. “... I got a bit into an argument with Raph this morning and I wanted to change my mind a little.”

“What was the argument about? Do you want to talk about it?”

They paused, Donnie zipping his pants back up and adjusting them, Vee smoothing her skirt. Their gazes met afterward, the soft and dimmed lighting of the closet bringing so much more intimacy to the scene.

“... I want to be with you,” he said. “Maybe it’s too early to say so; but I could spend the rest of my life with you by my side. ... I want to find the Foot clan, I want to bring peace into our future, but I know my brothers will be against it.”

He stopped when he felt Vee’s hands on his arms, her touch slowly and lovingly petting him - calming him.

“You want to find them? Then so be it,” she added. “Whatever you want to do, Donnie, I’ll help you. ... We’re a team now, and you can count on me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he snickered. “I will certainly not ask you to fight them by my side.”

“Fighting, no, but finding information and searching; yes. The Lowline is close to be finished, then we can focus on that task of yours. My time will be yours.”

“Vee,” he sighed again, softly. “I can’t-”

“I’m not waiting for your permission,” she cut. “I want this peace as much as you do.”

He didn’t know what to say, studying the woman’s traits.

“I’m yours,” added Vee. “I know the risks and I’m ready to face them. I’m not scared.”

“If something ever were to happen to you...”

“Then help me. Show me how to protect myself. I’m sure you can come up with neat solutions.”

Donnie was certainly flattered by her faith in him. A part of him wanted to keep her away as far as possible from any harm, but in the end he knew that the more she’d be seen with him, the more she’d eventually become a target. Her strength and willingness to help him was certainly fueling his desire and confidence to get to the task. He promised her that they’d work on that, giving a soft kiss on top of the woman’s head and concluding with an embrace in the dark. For a moment they felt safe and at peace, ... something they lowkey feared would disappear with time.

***

As the weekend came in, the sun rose high and bright on this Saturday, promising a warm day. Vee and Donnie were still trying to boot their brains to life, up and about in Vee’s small kitchen, only wearing their underwears. The mutant was taking care of coffee while the woman was preparing breakfast. It was a quiet moment they both enjoyed, taking their time and simply basking in eachother’s presence.

“Don’t you miss your penthouse?” asked Vee in amusement as she was cracking eggs into a pan. “There’s more room for you to move around there.”

As the coffee was slowly dripping into the pot, Donnie turned to the other, a soft smile on his lips as he leaned his hips against the counter, arms crossed.

“I won’t lie that I do appreciate the simplicity and comfort of a smaller place,” he confessed. “My place is nice, but it’s far too much for just one person. ... Meanwhile your apartment is cozy; it feels like home.”

“Ever heard the phrase: home is where the heart is?”

“Of course!”

“I think this is what you’re feeling,” added Vee, her expression soft as she glanced at the turtle. “Maybe you feel more at home whenever with people you like - may they be family or not. ... And if you’re feeling this way when here with me, then I’m happy.”

Donnie couldn’t stop himself from getting nearer and behind the woman, wrapping his arms around her form and leaving some sweet and lazy kisses on top of her head.

“And I think you may be right,” he said.

This moment of bliss didn’t last long as Donnie’s phone on the kitchen island soon rang to life, the terrapin nonchalantly answering it and seeing that one of his brothers was calling in. ''Hey Mikey, what's up?'' he started, his tone lazy. The conversation was cut with some silences here and there: ''Yeah. … Yeah, today's gonna be a hot day, indeed. What about Leo and Raph, though? … Oh ok, nice. Hey, would you mind if I invited someone?'' He focused on Vee, asking for her attention. ''Hey, wanna go for a swim? Unless you had something planned?'' The woman shrugged, replying: ''Nah, I was going to take it easy for today with you. But if we can go swim, I'm not saying no!'' Donnie did a quick wink, returning to his call: ''Yeah, I'm not home, that's why I asked. So, yes or no? … Alright, see you later.''

He sighed briefly as he closed it, letting the device weigh in his hand as he pondered for a small moment.

“What’s up?” questionned Vee. “... Do you think you’ll get into another argument with him ... in regards to us?”

The mutant was quick to brush the concern away with a soft smile: “I’m less worried about Mikey. I’m mostly bracing myself for all his comments and innuendos; he’s always teasing me whenever I show actual feelings.”

“Oh you poor thing,” teased the woman with a playful pout.

He retorted with a quick stick of his tongue, amused.

It didn’t take long for them to finish their breakfast and get on the move. Vee took this opportunity to wear a summer dress of a navy blue color with a delicate pale flower pattern over it, knowing she could easily grab Donnie’s attention with it. The weather was already warm as the pair exited the apartment, the promise of a pool nothing but a lifesaver at this point. During the drive, a smile was glued on Vee’s lips and the other couldn’t help leaving a hand on her left tigh as he was driving, his thumb calmly petting any exposed skin. As they arrived to Mikey’s place - Donnie not even waiting for his brother to open the door for them and simply getting in - Vee was once again blown away by the decor that allied both simplicity and cozyness.

It wasn’t as extravageant as Donnie’s place, but the interior still had its charms that brought a feeling of comfort and fun - a place where family and friends could gather for some time together.

“Ha-ha! I knew it!” chided in a voice as the duo came to a stop in the living room.

Vee moved her focus to the staircase, Mikey making his way down. He was already wearing swim shorts, orange, ready for action. He was baring a knowing smile.

“I didn’t want to piece it all together too fast, but I knew there was something between you two,” he continued, stopping next to his tall brother. “I remember that day when I mentionned bumping into her at work, I’ve never seen you rush out so fast.”

“What can I say, I’m always ready for my lady,” answered Donnie.

That brought a playful tsk out of the woman, dismissing the cheesyness of his comment by offering her hand to the other turtle.

“At least I can present myself properly and not look like I’m on a war path like last time. I’m Vee.”

“Ah, so you’re also the one Donnie asked me to cover one time at work for some projects approval,” added Michelangelo, shaking her hand. “Glad to know my brother is finally developping some good taste in arts and artists,” he ended with a wink.

“You little shit,” playfully commented Donatello, quickly elbowing his brother’s shoulder. “ANYWAY, are Leo and Raph gone upstate for the whole day or-?”

“You know how it goes,” interjected the orange clad turtle. “They go hike for the day and might spend the evening driving around.”

“It’s definitely good to see them get along, for once.”

Both snickered, although they were quick to get back on track, only to avoid putting Vee aside with their discussion. The pair was invited to change into their swimwear, then welcome to get to the rooftop whenever ready. Donnie was first to arrive and join Mikey there, wearing a pair of swimshort he always left at his brother’s place: a dark grey canvas accentuated by various lines varying from deep purples and shades of white and grey. He took some seconds to bask in the sunlight, until hearing Vee’s small gasp as she finally set foot outside.

“Now that’s quite a view!” she said.

She couldn’t stop herself from reaching the marbled edge, slightly leaning against it as she took a look over the city. Donnie, for his part, had his eyes glued to her. She was wearing a black bikini, her dark teal hair brought up in a messy bun. Dammit, woman, you keep breaking my heart. He got to stand behind her, hands resting on the marble as well, keeping her enclosed in his presence.

“You should see this place at night,” he started calmly. “All the lights makes it even better.”

“Oh, I bet!” added the woman, slightly leaning into him and enjoying the proximity.

She knew she was driving him wild and, frankly, she appreciated the thrill of it. The feeling of knowing she was pleasant looking to someone’s eyes, it could be quite the confidence boost.

“Aight, who wants something to drink?” echoed Mikey’s voice, coming out of that room that could also be found on the rootop.

He had a silver cocktail shaker in his hand, probably already preparing something for himself.

“I have tequila, vodka, gin, amaretto, whisky, wine, beer, anything you fancy,” he continued.

“You finished that bartending training?” inquired Donnie.

“Hell yeah, and got some mixology in there as well. Bars don’t hold any secrets from me anymore!”

After drinks were had, Vee was the first one to get into the water, definitely enjoying her time in the pool. It had been some years since she last went swimming, and she intended to savor every seconds of it! Meanwhile, the two brothers were resting on the outdoor lounge chairs, slowly sipping their drink and letting the sun warm their scales. Sunglasses were hiding their eyes, but Mikey knew the other had his gaze stuck on the woman.

“She looks nice, I’ll give you that,” commented the youngest with a smirk.

Donnie looked in his direction, overlooking his sunglasses for emphasis: “For my eyes only, if you please.”

That brought a snicker from Mikey, then continuing the conversation: “It’s nice to see you with someone, bro, for the rare times it happens.”

“This time though it’ll last for a very long while.”

“What do you mean?”

The purple banded mutant took a long sip, bracing himself.

“... I don’t want to lose her. I want to build a life with her, you know?” He shifted his position, sitting on one edge of the chair so he could properly face his brother. “... I don’t want to live in fear anymore. I’m going to track down the Foot clan so we can stop restricting ourselves. I’ll bring an end to this, once and for all.”

Mikey’s hold fiddled around his glass, pensive for a short moment.

“... Does Leo know about this?”

“No, but Raph knows. And, surprisingly, he’s against it.”

“Yeah, well, he’s probably scared you’d get harmed or something.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” sharply sighed Donnie, keeping his tone down. “I get it; I’m not the brawniest of the bunch, but I can still defend myself.”

“Donnie, he’s probably scared to find you dead at some point or somethin’, think about it.”

“You know that won’t happen. ... At least, I’d never let that happen.”

Donatello finished his drink, speaking once more:

“Don’t you want it to end? Don’t you want to stop living in fear and finally own your fucking life? Just think about it; all those times we broke our hearts and those of others, simply because we feared something we could have stopped quite some time ago.” He paused, taking a quick moment to look back at Vee who was still swimming around. “I don’t want to lose her - what we have. I want to put my grief to sleep and finally move forward with my life.”

Looking back at Mikey, he could sense that his words were somehow resonating through the young turtle.

“You know...” started the orange clad one. “... I kinda had similar thoughts when I let Jonah go. Of all the people, men, and women I’ve spent time with, he and I had that chemistry I’ve never felt before. ... Breaking up with him certainly was one of the most painful thing I’ve done in my life.” He took a sip, trying to drown that pinching feeling in his throat. “I wished the Foot could just vanish right at that moment. ... Just like you, I want peace, but I have no idea where to start.”

“Help me then,” simply answered Donnie. “If I’m allowed enough time and resources, I can pinpoint them. ... You know every corners of this city, I’m sure you could most certainly help as well.”

“And what if Leo finds out? What if Raph gets to know that I’m helping you?”

Donnie shrugged nonchalantly.

“Frankly, I don’t give a damn at this point. I do what I want. And if you want to join me, you’re welcome to do so. I’ll stand up for you if they start talkshitting to you.”

Mikey studied him, weighing the pros and cons. After a moment he shifted his position, offering his closed hand for a brofist.

“Count me in.”

Donnie answered the gesture, gently bumping his fist with his brother’s.

((Part 12))

#it's-a-moi #business au #the usual sorry for any mistakes #tbh - that janitor closet scene came to me randomly and I was like HELL YES I'M RIDING THAT WAVE

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fizzingwizard · 3 years

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Episode 34 arrives and it’s a MUCH NEEDED breath of first air. I mean, this episode could have actually BEEN a 99 Adventure episode. I guess at least one person on the production team has actually seen the old show at least once!

In my opinion, it doesn’t quite equal the cuteness, silliness, and personality of similar 99 episodes, but it comes very close, and it’s certainly the best we’ve had in a long long while.

And it’s all because of these two.

More below!

The episode bizarrely begins with Tailmon barking to communicate with Komondomon. Which raises the question, if no one could talk with Komondomon before because he can only bark, how were they communicating? Did Lopmon just tell Komondomon everything he needed to know and tell the kids “just follow his lead” or something??

Also Tailmon’s opening line being her barking is pretty surreal. And yet, fitting for a cat Digimon who is a dog at Child level.

The kids are shown taking a break - the first sign that this episode is gonna be A Bit Different.

Taichi: Something feels weird. Why aren’t we fighting?

Sora: Taichi, don’t you think you should rest once in a while?

Taichi: I mean, I do, I just got the impression the rest of the world didn’t agree...

Sora: By the way, why do we like this world that constantly tries to kill us and never gives us any pleasant memories so much? Why don’t we just take our partners to the human world and leave this place to its fate?

Taichi: How else am I gonna get an outlet for my pent up aggression and adrenaline junkie issues?

Sora: That’s your backstory?

Taichi: I’m a complicated man.

Komondomon then randomly jumps... into the sea. “Oh no, they’ll drown!” No, they won’t, because Komondomon has the ability to build a dome over his back trapping oxygen inside. Submarimon I get, but Komondomon?

As they dive, Tailmon explains what we learned last week about Millenniumon trying to resurrect himself with a new body. Apparently a very large fragment of him is located undersea in a place called Farga (transliteration TBA). She thinks resentfully about how she was almost absorbed into Millenniumon’s most recent resurrection effort.

Hikari tackles her with a comforting hug, which Tailmon seems a bit discomfited by. But does not object.

Tailmon considers defeating Millenniumon for good to be her personal mission as a Holy Digimon. Patamon sees her determination and does his best to put on his game face too. It’s like being glared at by a sock puppet.

Tailmon: I can’t allow Hikari to be put in danger. It’s my job as the Holy Digimon -

Tailmon: - gosh darnit and she’s just so cute too!

They wind up getting hit by a rip current or something?? and thrown into another weird submarine sort of thing. They discourteously break a hole in it and wind up inside a self-sustaining underwater kingdom, apparently, which instantly goes on Red Alert as Manbomon come to attack them.

This is Daipenmon, or Big Penguin Monster. I love him. He is glorious. Gaze upon his expression of perpetually stoned haze.

Daipenmon: You try steering this thing every day in and out nonstop without turning to hard drugs.

She attac!

While fighting, some Mantaraymon break in through the hole they made and the Manbomon go to drive them off as apparently they are not welcome. Then MarineAngemon appears in all her creepy glory and they sort everything out.

MarineAngemon: Oh, Tailmon, I see you’re a Holy Digimon! I can tell by your Holy Ring. I have one too.

Takeru: Patamon, why don’t you have a Holy Ring?

Patamon: .... -.-’

Look! See! So cute! They are floating on bubbles! All the kids get their own and each has an individual design that shows their personality. Here Tailmon tries desperately to keep Hikari from falling off. I missed this kind of thing! Flashbacks to Monzaemon’s Toytown...

Turns out MarineAngemon is extremely small and the scene before was all “don’t pay attention to that man behind the curtain” type scare tactics. Not very effective since no matter how big MarineAngemon gets, she’s still extremely adorable. She invites them to stay the night. I really expected it to be a trap, but it wasn’t.

OH MY GOD IS THAT FOOD ARE THEY EATING ACTUAL FOOD OMG OMG

quick someone alert the producers! Someone’s having FUN with this show! I was starting to think that was illegal or something!

It’s not AS fun as when they went to Devimon’s illusory castle in 99 Adventure and stuffed their faces after starving and living on potentially poisonous eggs for a week... but I’ll take it.

Meanwhile an undersea band plays music and Taichi ACTS LIKE THE FIFTH GRADE CHILD THAT HE IS. For about 0.5 seconds but HEY he did something child-like! holy cheez wiz batman!

Hikari is mysteriously absent so Tailmon goes to find her. Turns out she’s asked MarineAngemon to heal Komondomon who is tired and wounded from their journey. Tailmon’s like, “Aw, what a nice person she is.” I’m all for exceptionally kind-hearted Hikari, but taking care of Komondomon should have been priority 1 for EVERYONE. At least Sora should have thought of it. I can see Taichi being too forward-focused, and Takeru a dumb eight year old, but Sora would definitely have thought about Komondomon.

Clearly the show wanted to establish how nice Hikari is, but I hate when shows inadvertently make all the other characters look like asses just to trump up the current star...

Taichi’s digivice glows and...

... MINI KOUSHIROU RETURNS!!! Hurray!

Um, what’s that Sora’s drinking? A mimosa? o.O

Well anyway, Koushirou just shows up to remind everyone of the situation with the satellites and that things are getting worse.

Taichi: Do you have any idea what we can do about it?

Koushirou: No, but I’ll keep you posted.

Taichi: Thanks for nothing braindead

Koushirou: That’s it! You’re not the man I knew in episode 3 anymore! I want a divorce!

Taichi: Fine with me it’s not like you’re ever home anyway!

Koushirou: Well at least I’m not cheating with YAMATO!

Taichi: I HAVE NEEDS!

*cough*

Uh, I know Taichi is shorter than Sora, but he looks... pretty tiny here... lol. Or maybe Sora’s just had a growth spurt again.

They spend the night sleeping in bubbles. Aw.

By the way, question: the kids seem able to walk and breath normally in MarineAngemon’s kingdom... but the fish-type Digimon can also swim around normally. And it seems the kids wouldn’t be able to survive in the ocean itself, but they and the fish can both survive here? And yet bubbles? What... what kind of scientific anomaly is this place??

So... MarineAngemon’s kingdom appears to be a Whamon’s corpse! X’D Wow that’s dark.

They are attacked by Anomalocarimon! For reasons. Actually, they did explain earlier that the ocean Digimon have been more aggressive lately and it seems to be the influence of Millenniumon’s stone in Farga or whatever.

Daipenmon: This sucks I don’t have health insurance

Tailmon frantically tries to fight off the intruders while also keeping Hikari out of danger. This entire episode is about Tailmon wanting to protect Hikari and keep her at arm’s length so she doesn’t end up in danger, while Hikari just keeps trying to stay close to Tailmon and support her.

Tailmon: I can’t take you with me, Hikari. It’s too dangerous.

Hikari: Fine. Big brother, will you bring me into the heat of the action with you?

Taichi: Sure thing.

Tailmon: ...

In his defense, Taichi does seem a bit freaked when Hikari TAKES A FLYING LEAP off MetalGreymon toward Tailmon.

(no I really love that Taichi immediately understands why Hikari wants to fight and takes her right to her partner without even a token “nuu but you’re still a baby.” I mean, if Yamato’s cool with Takeru being in danger all the time, Taichi shouldn’t be much worried about it...

Hikari has a flashback! Turns out she’s heard Tailmon calling for her since she as a little kid!

She caught one of Angewomon’s feathers back then too.

Hikari promises Tailmon that she’ll be by her side. Awww.

Hands again.

Crest of Light! I kind of expect that we’ll find out about the Crests and what they mean really fast at the end of the season... although I’m still kind of hoping Mimi is mining Crest crystals atm.

Hikari is able to magically produce a Digivice... I’d completely forgot she didn’t have one till now.

Here I expected Tailmon would evolve, but instead, the power of Light appears to give everyone a power boost like it’s done in the past. They all glow with their Crest colors, kids and partners alike (except for some reason Tailmon glows yellow???) and launch a joint attack on Anomalocarimon and defeat him. Yay.

Then they say goodbye to MarineAngemon and go on their way, I guess to Farga.

So... yeah! it was a nice episode. It had a theme. There was fighting, but it didn’t overwhelm everything else. There was character development. I really can’t complain about it. And it was SHOCKING that Taichi had so few lines (compared to what’s become the norm - a GOOD shock but still I was like “omg what’s going on!!”)

I am just confused because why is this sort of episode happening when we haven’t seen it in ages? What happened in that interim between when they all met up after the first team split up and just now that prevented the show writers from having fun with the show and just writing nonstop fighting all the time? I’m so confused. It makes no sense. Still suspecting that they couldn’t get anyone to come in and voice characters for long enough so they just focused on Sanpei Yuuko/Taichi, but without the others they couldn’t figure out how to push the show forward and make it fun too... Idk. It’s so weird. But oh well. We got a good episode, and maybe it’s a sign of changes to come. I hope so.

Next week...

We get attacked by a scary looking Digimon and Hikari... Idk, thinks she can block the attack somehow? haha. Aw but look how awesome she is protecting her brother and Greymon!

Hikari gets touched by the dark powers! Oh noes!

And more cuteness.

The episode title name-drops Angewomon, which surprises me because I figured they’d hold off on her and give Tailmon Nefertimon for an evolution first. But *shrug* whatever! Looking forward to it.

#digimon adventure reboot #digimon adventure:#digimon adventure 2020 #fizz watches digimon 2020 #digimon #digi spoilers

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zmediaoutlet · 4 years

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in support of Black Lives Matter, @azothel donated $50, and requested ‘jealous Sam with implied Dean/John.’ Thank you for donating!

to get your own personalized fic, please see this post. (no longer taking prompts)

Summer in Arizona. Sam thinks it might actually be hell. He’s laying spread eagle on his bed, stripped down to t-shirt and boxers, and this absolute dump of a motel only has an evaporative cooler and so the whole place smells like wet dust. He’s got his eyes closed, concentrated on not moving, and if he doesn’t move then he can pretend like it’s damp instead of sticky--cool, instead of muggy--but unfortunately it doesn’t stop his ears from working, because Dean’s on the phone with Dad. Again.

“Yessir,” Dean says, quiet. Corded phone up near the door and he’s got it pulled all the way over by the mini-fridge. Like if he’s far enough away somehow Sam won’t notice. “Yeah, we got it taken care of. When do you think you’ll--”

Be back, cut off. That’s what Dean always wants--Dad, back, the three of them faking at happy families. Sam opens his eyes and looks at the ceiling fan, slow its only speed. They aren’t exactly a Norman Rockwell painting. Sam doesn’t know why Dean pretends otherwise.

“Yeah,” Dean says, soft, and it’s nasty the way Sam’s gut immediately takes a downward turn. He draws up on his elbows, looking past the screen into the tiny kitchenette. Dean, leaning against the wall with his shoulders hunched in, the cord tangled in his fingers. Chick from a movie talking to her crush, Sam thinks, and his second thought is--worse. “Yeah, Dad. See you.”

He hangs up and sighs. When he turns around he’s surprised for some reason, seeing Sam watching him. “Dad’s gonna be another week,” Dean says, and wipes his forehead with the back of his arm. He’s still wearing jeans, and that Ozzy tour t-shirt they found at the thrift mart. Overdressed, to Sam’s mind. Dean flaps his shirt, his white belly showing. “How do people live here. It’s so frickin’ hot, man.”

“Yeah,” Sam says, sounding braindead. How do they live.

They weren’t supposed to be here. California, Dad had promised, and Dean lit up with talking about going to the beach, cool breezes and girls in bikinis. Of course, when they stalled out here with five hundred miles to go, because Dad caught wind of weird deaths in the Chiricahua Mountains, Dean didn’t complain a peep. He went out with Dad one night--left Sam alone, in this same dumpy motel, to stew and worry--and then he came back by himself the next morning, fretful but loyal. Told Sam, Dad’s got it covered, don’t worry. Like that was what Sam was worried about. Dean had a bruise, on his shoulder, when he came back. Sam laid awake, wondering--knowing. Knowing. He’s always known.

The motel has a pool, if you can call it that. A crappy small kidney bean with no shade, carved out of bleached-white kool deck. It gets locked up at night but they figured out pretty quick that the motel manager’s a drunk and doesn’t give a damn what they do, and so it’s something to occupy them at night--a padlock Sam could’ve picked when he was nine, a six pack of beer they share because Dean can actually get it legally, now. “Not as fun that way,” Dean says, shrugging. Sam rolls his eyes and shoves water at his face, which makes Dean splutter predictable as ever--which makes him dive for Sam, predictable as ever--which means they wrestle, trying to dunk each other, and Sam’s got new height but Dean’s got more experience, and Sam wants to win but--but Dean’s skin is slick-silk, even in the over-chlorinated water, and he’s warm and weightless, and whoever wins Sam’s held right up close against his body and has Dean laughing and right here, right here, with him and nowhere else.

Nobody comes out this way. Not this time of year. There’s a tired hispanic family that checks in, one night, and they have a pretty daughter maybe Sam’s age--who smiles at Dean, shy but interested, and Dean grins at her, blows her a kiss, until her dad sees and she gets berated in a quiet barrage of Spanish. “Dude, I am an international man of mystery,” Dean says, and Sam rolls his eyes and says, “Okay, Austin Powers,” and that was--shit, a mistake, because he knows that instantly Dean’s going to do his terrible Mike Myers impression--but then the phone rings in their room, and Dean’s face changes instantly, and he disappears inside while Sam bangs his head back against the stucco. He doesn’t need to hear to know Dean’s saying, obedient, yessir. Sam looks out at the fire-colored sunset and wonders, bitter, if Dean’s dick gets hard every time he does.

Sick. Not that Sam has room to throw stones. When they finally drag themselves out of the pool--one a.m., four beers under Dean’s belt and two under Sam’s--half the time Dean’ll just change right there, in the kitchenette on, making a puddle on the linoleum. “Dude,” Sam will always say, throwing up hands like it’s gross--because he knows he’s supposed to find it gross--and Dean always says, “Like you don’t love it,” smug. They hardly go out in the day, too damn hot, and so he’s pale, pale, everywhere, his back and the pretty curve of his ass and his legs, bowed out at the knee where Sam knows he’d fit, where he’d slide his hips between them and it’d feel--right. Cowboy legs, Dad called ‘em once, kind of drunk, and Dean had immediately darted a look at Sam and his ears had gone bright red--and Sam had looked away, thinking, yeah. Made for riding.

Seriously, sick. Sicker that he bets he wasn’t the only one in the room having that thought. Sicker, that when Dean tugs up dry boxers and turns around, Sam doesn’t look away fast enough, and Dean sees him and his face does--some strange thing, something Sam doesn’t know how to interpret. His amulet swings in the middle of his pale chest and Sam wants to get up, grab him by it, pull him in. Ask him--why not Sam? Why, if it was going to be anyone--

“Dude, earth to Samuel,” Dean says, and Sam blinks and refocuses. Dean frowns at him, kinda smiling-kinda not. “You gonna sleep in your wet trunks? Get a move on, weirdo.”

“You’re weird,” Sam says, automatic and dumb, and Dean rolls his eyes, throws himself back onto his own bed. Sam looks at him--his knees, spread--his nipples getting hard in the damp cool air--and then looks away. He has to, because if he doesn’t then he has to do something, and he just doesn’t know what to do.

Dad swings by--middle of the night, the next night. Sam’s asleep until the door opens, and then his eyes slam open at the wall away from the door, listening to the low conversation happening behind his back. Everything okay? Yeah, kiddo. Just needed a resupply. Salt and a few other things. Gotta head back into the mountains but I think I’ve about got it cleaned out. Can I help? No--this is a stealth mission, can’t risk it. I’m just taking a shower before I head out. Wanted to stop by and make sure you boys were okay. We’re okay, Dad. Do you...

The bathroom door closes, very quietly. Sam breathes, twice, and sits up, and the room’s empty. He looks at the bathroom door, and the water rushes on, and he can’t hear talking--it’s not Dean sitting on the toilet giving a debrief while Dad cleans up blood and guts, not like they’ve done before--and it takes Sam a minute to realize that he’s chubbing up, his mouth dry because he’s just staring at the pale pink paintjob, and he’s imagining--cowboy legs. Fuck.

They don’t try to wake Sam up, before Dad leaves. The room door closes and Dean fixes up the locks again, and when Sam turns over he’s got his forehead pressed against the paint, his hair still wet and his boxers barely tugged on, and Sam--jesus, how’s he supposed to take it? There’s an engine sound--the peel-out of tires on gravel. Dad’s gone, again. “Good visit?” Sam says, and Dean jumps, looks at Sam over his shoulder.

“Shit, dude, nearly gave me a heart attack,” Dean says. Frowns, after a second. “You woke up?”

“I’ve been here the whole time, Dean,” Sam says, and Dean’s frown gets deeper before his eyes go wide. It’d be kind of funny if Sam weren’t pissed. “Like--I’m not deaf, you know?”

Dean doesn’t say anything. Sam gets up, crosses the room, and Dean doesn’t say anything still until Sam’s right in front of him--both of them in their bare feet and Sam’s got half an inch on him, even if he’s still trying to get the muscle--and Dean says finally, “Sammy, what--” but it’s a little late because Sam’s got his hands on Dean’s arms--damp, warm--and presses him back, against the door.

This close, Sam can see a red mark--a circle, on Dean’s shoulder where normally it’d be covered by a t-shirt--and he thinks, sudden sick certainty, that soon it’ll turn into a bruise. “You let him,” Sam says, and Dean looks--actually panicked. Sam squeezes his arms, rocks him a little against the door. “You let him.”

He does. Eager, like a puppy thrilled that its master came home. Dean stares back and forth between Sam’s eyes, mouth half-open waiting for an excuse to come--but there’s no excuse, they both know it, because Sam’s not deaf and he’s not blind and Dean was just in the shower, too, and there’s a mark on his shoulder, and Sam leans forward in raw stupid hope and kisses Dean. Clumsy--too much force, and their teeth clack--but he pushes in, pins their hips together, holds Dean tight, and realigns their mouths right and licks in. Dean breathes shock, doesn’t participate, and Sam tastes inside--beer, but--whiskey, too--and they haven’t had whiskey, not for weeks, and that means--that means--

Dean flinches--licks at him, too--gets his hands up and pushes at Sam’s ribs and breaks their mouths apart. Sam pants at him, an inch away. Dean’s eyes are bright, wide, his lips wet. “Sammy, what are you doing?” he says, like that’s not fucking obvious.

Sam licks his lips, tastes that phantom flavor. He lets Dean’s arms go and slides down his sides, to his hips, and presses forward until his knee’s between Dean’s knees--that open space. Space that’s maybe already been filled tonight, and the thought makes Sam’s gut lurch. Sloppy seconds. “You gonna let me, too?” he says. Dean’s hand splays against his stomach, holding, while his face goes slowly and deeply red. Sam ducks in, kisses his mouth soft and brief. Dean inhales sharp and his face, when Sam pulls back again, looks somehow dazed. Like soft isn’t what he expected. “We’re supposed to take care of each other. You and me.”

“Sam,” Dean says, rougher, and Sam cups his face in both hands and kisses him, soft, and again, and on the third Dean makes a weird small noise and holds Sam’s waist, fingers digging in, clutching and desperate. Yes, Sam thinks, groaning--yes, Dean touching him--yes, he thinks, at the car driving off into the night--because he’s Dean’s but Dean is his, and maybe with this, finally, he won’t be anyone else’s.

#fffb #azothel #wincest #dean/john #the full house of wincest #my writing

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lefaystrent · 5 years

Text

Nursing Home au

Patton works at the nursing home as a registered nurse, because the man truly cares for people.

He oversees the activities of the rest of the nursing staff, and he’s always keeping them in high spirits.

There’s a vacancy for a nursing aide. Who could possibly fill that position?

It’s Virgil.

At first, Patton honestly doesn’t think Virgil should have been hired there.

Patton had seen Virgil during the hiring process, and his personality didn’t seem like a … good fit. Too closed-off and kinda gruff, and probably not a good bedside manner, right?

Plus there was that criminal record to consider …

But the nursing home administrator hires him anyway, and Virgil joins the staff.

Patton keeps a close eye on Virgil.

Yes he feels guilty, but even Patton isn’t free from prejudices.

Virgil goes about his work very meticulously.

He arrives five minutes early every day, without fail.

He never complains about the tasks he’s been given, just quietly accepts them in a way that makes Patton and the others wonder what he’s really thinking.

He doesn’t talk casually with the other staff much, giving short answers whenever prompted.

Patton worries about the staff’s morale as a team.

Surprisingly, he starts hearing a lot of praise about Virgil. Not from the other staff members, but from the patients themselves.

One of them, a man named Roman, sounds like he’s complaining about him.

“And then he started criticizing my favorite movies!”

“I’m so sorry sir, I’ll talk to him about that.”

“What are you talking about? Kid had some good points. I like him.”

Patton starts subtly bringing up Virgil in conversations while visiting with the patients. For some, he doesn’t even have to warm up to the subject. They stop him in the hallway.

“Patton hun, you know that new boy with the eye-makeup?”

“Yes ma’am, that would be Virgil.”

“He’s so sweet. He helped me with my phone, it’s one of those smart ones? It wasn’t working right, and he fixed it. He’s a smart boy.”

The biggest sign is when one patient—Logan Crofters, who’s a notorious nitpicker—actually voices his approval of Virgil.

“He’s not an idiot,” is all Logan says on the matter, which coming from him, it’s high praise.

Patton doesn’t really understand yet why the patients have taken such a liking to him, but he endeavors to try harder to see who Virgil really is. Mostly he’s glad that his first impression seems to be wrong.

Virgil, for his part, doesn’t understand why the patients like him either.

He just knows that they do.

One of them goes out of their way to call him over to ask for his opinion on what color scarf to knit for their granddaughter.

Another one makes a point to introduce him to their visiting family.

Lots of them seem to like to talk his ear off in general and give him life advice.

Virgil doesn’t really mind it. He’s not used to people wanting to talk to him so much, and to be honest he could use some of the advice.

And the stories they have to share are kinda wild.

He likes bantering with the one old dude, Roman.

“I’ll have you know I’ve killed many a dragon witch in my day.”

“Was this before or after you went senile?”

“Brat.”

“Old fart.”

And then there’s Logan, the elderly man in a wheelchair. He’s probably the smartest man Virgil has ever talked to.

“You’d be surprised how many people assume I’m stupid.”

“You’re in a wheelchair, not braindead dude.”

“Yes, but I am old and crippled, and many people cannot separate physical inadequacy from mentality.”

“Well most people are idiots.”

Logan shows off his dentures in a rare grin.

After those two, there’s Remus.

Even the other staff members warn Virgil in advance about him.

It takes Virgil a month into working there to realize that he’s Roman’s brother.

It really should have been obvious.

“Virgil, where would you bury a body?”

“Why bury it when you can just burn it? Or feed it to some pigs; they’ll eat anything.”

“… oh, I like you.”

Okay, not so obvious, because Remus is a crazy old coot. But he’s got a lot of ideas and grand stories like Roman, only darker themed.

Virgil is convinced Remus is fucking with him to get a reaction out of him.

“He only says all that to get a rise out of you,” Logan confirms.

Challenge accepted.

Virgil continues being a bomb ass nurse.

He’s always super self conscious around his superior, Patton.

He knows Patton is wary of him and Virgil is terrified of messing up in front of him.

Or messing up in general. Poor babe really is too hard on himself.

Even the patients worry about him from time to time.

“You getting enough sleep at night, son? Ya got bags under your eyes!”

“That’s makeup, sir. You know that’s my makeup.”

“Hahaha, but it was funny, right? But seriously, are you sleeping enough?”

And Virgil can’t count how many times they’ve thrown food at him.

“You’re too skinny. You need to eat more.”

“I already eat a lot. I’ve got a high metabolism.”

“Is that one of those social media sites?”

“Roman, if you don’t stop acting stupid—”

“Kidding! I have an Instagram after all. Which you should totally follow me, by the way.”

It’s like suddenly being adopted and Virgil is now the grandson to many old folk.

He’s not even surprised when someone tries to set him up with one of their grandchildren.

What does surprise him is that it’s Logan.

“You should meet my grandson, Remy. Judging from what I’ve observed of your personality, you two would be compatible.”

“Huh, that’s funny, Roman’s got a grandson named Remy too.”

“Yes, Remy is both our grandson.”

“Wait, what?”

“We used to be married, Roman and I. Didn’t you know he was my ex-husband?”

Somehow Virgil has missed that.

But he is so going to grill them for details, because Roman with Logan?

Roman jumps on board when Virgil brings it up.

“Yes! Remy! You would be perfect for him! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it first!”

Virgil laughs it off because they can’t be serious.

Of course, they’re very serious.

Virgil is doing his rounds when he walks into Roman’s room and a guy not too far off from his own age standing there in a leather jacket and shades.

“Oh, you are cute,” the guy says in a way that lets Virgil know that he’s clearly heard about Virgil before.

Roman is exceedingly proud.

Virgil officially meets Remy, the grandson.

It’s awkward.

By the end of it, Virgil apparently has a date after work that he swears he doesn’t remember agreeing to.

Remy’s waiting for him in the lobby.

“You ready for the night of your life, babe?”

“…”

“Wait, you’re walking the opposite direction. Come back.”

Virgil goes out to eat with Remy.

Remy actually apologizes for his grandfathers.

“They’re cool old gay dudes, but they can be really pushy. They’ve been complaining about me being single for like yeaaars. Um, maybe I like being single?”

“Do you?”

“Okay, a bitch is lonely, but gurl, I can find a man or whoever on my own, amirite?”

“Why’d you agree to this then?”

“’Cause you really are cute and seem cool. Plus can we just talk about your aesthetic for a sec? What products do you use on your hair? The purple dye is perf.”

It’s not really a date.

But Virgil might have made a friend out of it, at least.

Virgil finds himself talking about it the next day with Patton.

It just sort of happens.

“They set me up with their grandson.”

“Oh Remy? You’ve met him?”

“Yeah…”

“Well? How’d it go?”

“Uh … I’m not sure? Like, I’m pretty sure we established it wasn’t really a date. But I think we might …”

“Might what?”

“Be … friends?”

“That’s nice, Virgil,” Patton says in a way that Virgil can tell he means it.

Virgil shrugs. “Yeah, I don’t know what I’m gonna tell his granddads though. Their gonna jump on me as soon as they see me. God old people love to gossip more than teenagers.”

“Just try to let them down easy, okay? They really adore Remy and just want him to be happy.”

It’s the first conversation Virgil has with him that doesn’t make him nervous.

The days go by and Virgil is starting to feel like he’s really settling in.

He still doesn’t understand why the patients like him so much.

Not until Patton finally sheds some insight.

It’s a busy enough day, and then Remus has one of his episodes.

He’s screaming and the other staff members who are more experienced with dealing with him are trying to settle him down.

Virgil hears the commotion from down the hall and comes running into the day room where all the patients gather and visit or watch tv.

“He gets like this sometimes,” Logan tells him. Roman sits silently beside him holding his hand, lips pressed in a thin white line and eyes not looking away from the chaotic scene.

Remus is throwing things at the nurses, yelling something about how the lights are trying to eat him.

“It’s best to stay back, Virgil,” Logan tells him.

Virgil doesn’t listen.

He goes and turns off the lights.

There’s still enough sunlight filtering in through the windows, enough to see. But everyone looks around.

Virgil pushes through the other staff.

He nudges Patton aside who had been attempting to console him.

Patton wants to pull him back. Remus is in a vulnerable state of mind right now and it could be bad for either of them.

But Virgil leans in and starts talking in a low voice to Remus.

And … it’s working.

Remus’s screams taper off.

He doesn’t look any less confused or scared. Just subdued.

“I want to go,” he says, eyes looking through everyone there. “Want to go back to my room now. Want to go back.”

“Okay, we can go, Remus. Let’s go,” Virgil says and guides him out.

It’s a slow process, but they make it to his room, Patton hovering close the entire way.

They give Remus a mild sedative to help him relax.

When Virgil walks out of the room, Roman is standing there.

He doesn’t say anything to Virgil, but he claps a hand on his shoulder.

There’s gratitude glistening in his eyes.

Roman goes into the room.

Virgil leaves for the break room. He’s definitely earned a break.

Plus his hands are kind of shaking, but shhhhh, don’t tell anyone.

After a long time, Patton comes into the room.

He sits at the table with Virgil.

“He’ll be fine,” Patton assures him.

“I didn’t say I was worried for him.”

Patton smiles and shakes his head.

“They all love you, you know?” he surprises Virgil by saying. “The patients. You do a lot of good by them.”

Virgil shrugs. “I don’t see why. I’m just me. Just doing my job. Nothing special.”

“You treat them like people.”

Patton leans closer over the table. Virgil doesn’t look away.

“You listen to them. And you talk to them, like they’re people. And for them, these people who have lost a lot of their independence and are often left forgotten here by even their own families—that’s worth a lot.”

Virgil doesn’t know if he believes all that.

But it’s a nice thought.

#sanders sides #patton #patton sanders #virgil #virgil sanders #roman #roman sanders #logan #logan sanders #remus #remus sanders #remy #remy sanders #nursing home au

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tonya-the-chicken · 3 years

Text

Ok I wrote a couple of posts about Caleb so I kind of changed my mind a little

I think he did wrong but I also think he snapped tbh. He hurt an innocent person, yes, but I think he had some sort of a mental breakdown, not being able to withstand whatever bullshit was going on

I believe he was very unprepared to be a public figure, yet he made himself one with his trivia threads and “official bnha translator”. From then, it turned out he doesn’t know how to be professional on twitter, what criticism to adress and what not to adress, how to react to people talking about you and your work. So basically he fucked up. Reading over and over again how people disagree with you can be upsetting especially if you weren’t tought to not read every post about you

I still believe he is biased in his translation, I disagree with many of his decisions, I think he is unable to take criticism and that he is unprofessional. In general, I don’t like him as a person

But also I won’t deny he was getting harassed. Harassment is never justified, the same as any other form of abuse. Even if he did crappy job, harassing him was wrong. So, I believe, being on twitter made Caleb stressed and so one day he snapped over nothing. That was awful but there’s something I find even more awful

It is the fact, how many fandom people encouraged and applauded to his behaviour

Seeing how distressed person snaps on someone innocent is not supposed to make you tweet “You are my favourite translator now!” This is not ok. No one should have said that Gabby deserved such treatment. If Caleb’s fans truly cared about him, they would ask him to delete the tweet, apologize and log off the Twitter because he was not alright and his behavious was not alright. Even if you hate Gabby, you should understand that VIZ has every right to fire him over calling their consumers “braindead”. Like, at least don’t do it for the sake of other fans, do it for your “favourite translator”

Encouraging toxic behaviour is never ok, especially when this is someone you pretend to care about and someone who is stressed

But, like, who am I talking to, some people in this fandom think murder is a justified coping mechanism

To be clear: Gabby did nothing wrong, Caleb is biased and unprofessional and I hate him, no one deserves harassment and y’all should stop praising toxic behaviour. Being rude is not cool

EDIT: Somehow I want to note that he also tried to manipulate the narrative to make himself look better... Caleb is not a great person. I am not defending him

#bnha #bnha discourse #fandom discourse #I hope I will not comment on this situation any further #Just wanted to make my current stance clear

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shintorikhazumi · 3 years

Text

A Real Girl Chapter 2: Feelings 2.0

A/N: Just like my other story in LWA (that I can’t focus on huhuhu), I’m composing this update while in the hospital, watching over my dad. There isn’t any internet so I guess I can focus quite a bit haha. I feel like the pacing of this chapter is off, or awkward somehow? I should’ve extended the first chapter more. Welp, too late for that. I guess I’m trying to expand the background information on how this universe works? It’s quite close to canon-verse where Sayo used to not really get along with everyone, and slowly improving lately, but tailored to the Sayo of this story??? I’m braindead, I’m sorry hahaha.

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

A Real Girl Chapter 2: Feelings 2.0

Sayo did not like having feelings.

It wasn’t that she hated all the mushy drama that came alongside it. It wasn’t that she particularly disliked the anxiety of having negative- and even positive- feelings. No, it wasn’t that at all.

She simply didn’t fancy the complications it brought to her practical lifestyle. She had yet to fathom such things, and more often than not, her system could not process the actions and reactions brought about by emotions. Moments when she did try only ended up in the usual overheating, and sometimes confusion and jumble of information running through her head, always rendering her unable to organize the sensory data she was receiving from her body.

She just couldn’t seem to handle all that. It was a system overload. Something she couldn’t hope to control. And control was what she understood she needed; control over this life of hers. If she could not contain the wild horses that were feelings, she could not live her life to its realest, most authentic capacity. That was what she believed. And she believed that Sayo Hikawa was incapable of having feelings.

-//-//-//-//-

The dinner that followed her regular meeting with her parents had been… fine, Sayo supposed. It wasn’t all that awkward. To her it wasn’t, at the very least. She tried to scan her other family members for any signs indicative of discomfort, and upon finding nothing unusual, she had released a small sigh of relief that did not go past her surprisingly perceptive sister.

Hina then asked her if anything was wrong, to which she would reply her usual assurances; that she was fine and there was nothing to worry about, offering a calm smile before proceeding to eat her food to hopefully signal to the younger twin that this particular conversation was over.

Hina understood and seemed willing to relent, dropping any plans of further interrogation. She instead turned to her parents, continuing one of her many ridiculous tales. This one happened to be of how she may or may not have tried to convince the school principal to go bungee jumping with her off the school’s highest building, which was probably what had been the cause of this week’s call to the office for her parents.

Sayo felt her facial muscles work to form a small smile outside her manual prompting. Something deep down inside told her it was because she was amused with her younger sister’s antics. Quite an uncommon occurrence as Hina’s antics were usually nothing short of headache-inducing.

“Feeling quite cheery, aren’t we Sayo?” Her father piped up, noticing the smile on his eldest daughter’s face. Albeit miniscule to some, to her family and friends, it was a clear indicator that Sayo was in a pleasant mood, and that made them happy as well.

For some reason, having her whole family’s attention on her made her feel warm. Warmer than “normal”. Oh, this was troublesome. Sayo had been having these heat flushes far too often lately, it truly was messing with her system.

“N-no? I… or, yes, I… I suppose I am not in a foul mood, Father.” She responded, rigid as ever, but with a stutter she inwardly cursed at. Was she experiencing lag?

Despite her words, her family had gotten used to her responses and translated it as a positive ‘yes’. That was good enough in their books.

The rest of dinner remained clear of any suspense, and each Hikawa was grateful for that.

Hina had volunteered to tidy up the kitchen afterwards as their parents were preparing to take their leave, so Sayo was left with the task of seeing the pair off by the door.

…

There were a few moments of tense silence as Sayo watched her parents. Her father avoided her gaze by leaning down to tie his shoelaces, the action taking a little too long compared to the average time; while her mother was the complete opposite, staring a little too intently back at her. She didn’t know what to make of this situation. Her sensors picked up body language cues that translated to them having something they still wanted to say before leaving, but the longer they took to make even a squeak, the more Sayo wondered if they were all just burning away the precious seconds that could have been spent on safe travel for her parents, and dedicated guitar practice for Sayo. She would have preferred spending her time wisely, even if it was a Saturday night. She had band practice tomorrow, after all.

“Sayo-“ Her father had finally began, reaching a hand up above the said girl’s head. Sayo felt her heartrate pick up, eyes glued to the motion, waiting, before her father retracted it back to his side. The action brought about a physical weight increase in Sayo’s chest area, and she almost asked her father about it; but the question died before even leaving her mouth, a different hand catching her off-guard.

Her mother had cupped her cold cheek with her warm hand, eyes glistening somewhat, searching for something Sayo could not figure out.

“Mother?”

A beat of silence.

“We really do love you.” The older woman whispered, still looking into Sayo’s eyes, still searching, not knowing if she’d find what she sought. “We really do.”

Sayo had no idea how to respond to the sudden affection, and simply nodded her head silently. What she did know was that what had previously weighed in her chest seemed lighter, though not completely gone-

That familiar large, calloused hand that belonged to her father- it now lay on her head, patting a few times before his thumb stroked the top of her head, then swept across her forehead, moving her fringe aside for a moment to clearly display her surprised face. The weight had completely dissipated, and Sayo would admit that she was slightly in awe, and curious as to if this was part of whatever update had taken place, and if her parents had a new manual for her to read so that she could better understand and control all these odd mishaps with her body as of late. They hadn’t really made those in recent developments, only verbally instructing and vaguely explaining to Sayo functions she could and could not perform.

Her musings were cut short by the words she was still getting used to.

“We love you and…” The man she labelled as her father started, “We’re sorry we’re late”. She felt her brows furrow, a wrinkle forming between her eyes.

“What do you-“ Before Sayo could even ask what those words had meant, Hina’s familiar singsong voice had interrupted the exchange.

“Huh? Why are you guys still here?” Seeing as she was now here, Sayo inferred that the Kitchen and dining room had been cleaned up, and that they had lingered by the doorway for far longer than she thought.

The ribboned girl looked between her parents and sister, confused at the atmosphere shrouding them.

“S-sorry, sweetheart. Just had a lot of things to remind your sister.” Mr. Hikawa smiled, moving forward to wrap his younger daughter in a hug. “You know, reminding her to take care of you, and not overwork herself.”

“Oh yeah, Onee-chan does that a lot.” Hina agreed, seemingly buying it. “I do try to tell her to have fun and stuff, but she never listens!”

“You never listen to the voice of common sense, either.” Sayo quipped. “And your idea of fun is fairly life-threatening.” She whispered the last part to herself.

“Anyway! We also had to talk the usual budget for you guys, and just… stuff.” Their father finished the little white lie fabulously.

“Right!” Hina nodded, believing every word… probably.

With a cough from their mother, Hina escaped her father’s hold and gave the eldest woman a gentle, but enthusiastic embrace.

Once over and done with Hina’s affectionate goodbye’s, the Hikawa couple bid their daughters a farewell, leaving hand in hand until their figures escaped Sayo’s line of sight.

Breaking out into a sigh, Sayo locked the door behind her as the twins headed for their respective rooms to retire for the night.

Sayo felt dissatisfaction stir within her. She had so many questions she wanted answered when she found that it was time for her parents’ regular visit, but now that they had left, she had even more than what she started with instead of less as she had planned.

Mumbling her goodnight to her sister, she closed the door to her room with a silent click.

Unlike her usual graceful manner of carefully sitting or laying down on her bed, Sayo had unceremoniously plopped face-first into the soft mattress, once more unknowing of the reasons as to why she performed this action.

Something was off with her lately. Even more-so after these last few updates. She seemed to be dancing to subconscious promptings, acting with less thought and calculation than she usually would- should, according to everything that was initially written in her learning manual.

She had thought her parents would spot these errors without her having to mention it, but somehow it seems things had only gotten worse.

The way the two were acting towards her lately only further supplemented her confusion. All these ‘we love you’s were not something she was used to, at all. She had only begun to get comfortable with Hina’s overbearing affection the past few months, and now her parents were being… odd.

Burrowing her face into a pillow, Sayo found herself thinking back to her past as a child. She had always known that there was a difference between her and Hina. There was a difference between how her parents addressed her, and how they fawned over her younger sister.

She recalled the stiff interactions, the formal instructions, the commands, the rare, but still awkward praises when she accomplished tasks she was supposed to better than expected, and the… times she would look on from afar as her sister received what she later on learned to be “hugs” from their parents.

Something she never had the pleasure of receiving as a small child. At least from them. Hina- bless her soul, Sayo would now say- was the only one willing to ‘teach’ her these things. Other kids at school never bothered to interact with her either. She was too expressionless, too scary, too serious, too-

Too Unhuman.

She would’ve laughed had it not been such a hurtfully accurate notion.

In comparison to her experiences, through clear lens, Sayo observed that Hina and their parents communicated with warmth; how the girl was guided with affection and encouragement, and lifted up due to her sheer genius.

In all honesty, Sayo had to admit she envied Hina then, that genius she had. She sometimes pondered the thought of being programmed to perfection, without flaw, weakness, or struggle. Would that have made her a genius too, at least in the eyes of normal men? Would that have earned her praise even if it wouldn’t matter to a freedom-less girl like her? -Was she even a girl at this point?

She might not be.

Still, she envied it quite a bit. Yes, the fact that Hina was a genius was what she was jealous of, nothing more.

She had read on it in an article once; how children could often feel jealous if attention and care were not distributed fairly by parents, leading to feelings of neglect and lack of relational connections. Had Sayo been a normal girl, maybe this would’ve been so; however, she believed that it would not apply to someone like her… someone like her… something like her…?

After all, there… was no reason for her to desire anything like love, adoration, or care, was there? Being able to perform as she was designed to, being able to do what she had to- those were what mattered in this “familial” relationship between her and her parents.

Right?

…

Rolling onto her belly, she stared up at her ceiling, body not up to the usual task of devoted guitar playing for tonight, it seemed.

She sighed.

Blinking once, twice, she noticed and remembered that up on her ceiling were glow-in-the-dark stars that Hina had insisted to put up in Sayo’s room, along with a lone crescent moon that paired with Hina’s sun in her own quarters. For some reason, she couldn’t help but compare that to their own social situations at the moment.

If people were stars, Hina belonged with the stars as the sun was still a star. It might be more prominent and more known to most inhabitants of the earth, just as Hina was someone popular to many, even to strangers; but still, she was one of them. Even if she had to shine alone in the morning sky, people still knew she was- and still grouped her as- one of the stars. She was most definitely a star too.

Sayo, however, could not relate. Hina had told her she was the moon, and even if it tries to shine alongside the stars, it will not- and never be- a star. And in the moon’s moments, where the city lights drown out all the stars, even the moon’s shine is dulled and it is truly alone; and though it is seen on the same stage, in the same night sky, no matter how much it would try to blend in with the crowd… it would never be a star.

Sayo would never be a star.

Another sigh. A toss. A turn.

Again, her line of thinking drifted to the changes she and her family seemed to be going through. Somehow, she found life somewhat easier back when everything had been so professional. It may have seemed like she was neglected and alone, but such negativities could be adapted to, could be grown out of. Sayo could simply get used to it, suck it up like the mature person she was, and move on. Or at least that’s how it was to the outside onlooker. To Sayo, it was just normal for there to be distance. She wasn’t really a part of their family.

She wouldn’t be able to understand it anyway.

So why did everything have to take a turn?

Actually… When did everything suddenly take a turn?

Was it when she had first met Yukina? Was it as Roselia progressed into a proper band? Or was it when they became friends, bound by music, never to be broken apart?

Was it when Lisa stepped up to help her with Hina after Sayo had gone too far with her distancing? The gentle hand on her back, drawing circles as the brunette listened intently to her confusion and woes, and taught her a little bit more about what relationships were? Was it that?

Sayo had no clue.

One day, everything just seemed to morph; her reality was changing. The improvement of her relationship with Hina may have marked the most significant wave of change. Sayo found herself able to decipher her constant home companion bit by bit. She could guess what the girl was up to, she could figure out her moods, and keep up with her whims (she hoped).

Then suddenly, her parents showed up more often than the usual check-ups. They listened intently during Sayo’s parent-teacher conferences, they no longer constantly reminded her of their expectations for her, they would actually send her messages outside the usual appointment updates, or information briefing, or requests. They would tell her how they saw a guitar model that Sayo might like; texted her that if she wanted anything for Christmas, she could tell them.

She would catch her mother’s stare many times, before the woman offered her a nervous, or kind smile. Her father would constantly ask her about her preferences for updates.

And what unnerved her most of all, was the fact that they had been offering her physical affection (sure they were limited to pats, touches, or handholds, but it was odd enough) and constant “we love you”s. Something they used to only do in public setting to show that the family was on good terms with one another.

-not saying that they weren’t, because Sayo deemed that her being alive was enough proof that they were on good terms.

…such a scary thought, she now realizes.

Anyhow, it just so happened that even in private, her parents were now actively performing those aforementioned acts towards Sayo. Were they trying to build rapport with her? Trying to get on her good side? She had no complaints about their relationship in the past, so why did they have to try to change it up now?

And of course, the thing that bothered her the most… feelings.

Suddenly, the “feelings” prompts in her mind were no longer just emptily flashed words of alert with instructions on how she should act. They now did all these odd reactions to her body, made her lose her control, put errors in her usual calculations.

She didn’t know whether she liked it or not.

There was something within her whispering that this was what she wanted. Because it made her real, or at least pretend to be…

But her practical mind told her it would only serve to continue to burden her. This, she truly believed.

If that were so, why couldn’t she have it removed? Whatever program in her that involved these dreaded feelings? Her parents had told her she could always express her desires when it came to her recent upgrading. She was told she could ask for anything. So why wouldn’t she ask for one simple removal? One that would solve all her current distress, and quite possibly benefit her by giving her the efficient life she wanted?

She didn’t know.

She didn’t know why she was trying to cling to fragments of a false reality, a world where she wasn’t what she was. A lie in which… she was a real girl.

She just didn’t know.

And to these thoughts, her world shut down.

-//-//-//-//-//-//-

It was the weekend; what most students considered their free time- time to waste, time to slack off. They simply had so much time, away from the usual school day. And simply having this much time was all the more reason for Roselia to spend it on practice instead.

Sayo arrived early. She always did. It was part of her internalized time-table. She had one for almost all occasions. For school, for weekends with student council work, and without. Today, her schedule consisted of waking up, preparing breakfast, washing up and getting dressed. Then she would eat, get on the seven-forty-five train, arrive at circle and ask for the reserved room, grab a sweetened coffee by the vending machine, down it in ten, and enter the practice area to tune her guitar and do warm-ups until everyone else arrived. Everything she did was performed on the dot, down to the very last second.

There were days where tiny deviations from her predicted happenings occurred, but nothing that would throw her off completely. They sometimes came in the form of any other member arriving earlier than her. In the case of Minato Yukina, she guessed it wouldn’t be all that odd. At the beginning, they would simply regard one another with a small nod before continuing onto their individual warm-ups. As Roselia’s relationship improved however, they often exchanged small talk, or opinions on the band and each other’s personal progress, seeking advice. If it were Ako who got there before Sayo, she would only pray that nothing was out of place, and that there were no soda spills on the carpets. She’d rather not have a repeat of one certain incident.

Rinko and Lisa were rarely the first people in the studio. Sayo dealt with is as it came. They would offer greetings and pleasantries, and focus on warm-ups, and that was it.

Or well, that was then.

It came little by little, but things were certainly different now. There were days when Sayo would come in just a few seconds before an Ako barreled right into her, apologizing, but not letting go without a quick hug around Sayo’s waist, and irresistible puppy eyes that almost always asked Sayo to pat her head before the younger girl would break out into a grin, satisfied, and ready to warm up. She really did remind Sayo of all the videos of dogs she’d watch out of some form of habit, possibly; filling up a personal database file all on their own.

Rinko, she-…

Well, she wasn’t as scared of Sayo anymore. That could be noted as some sort of improvement. It wasn’t as if they never got along before, but work in the student council felt just a tad bit more relaxing, and quite enjoyable lately, if Sayo were to be honest. Rinko was like a breath of fresh air amongst everyone else’s eccentricities- including those other band girls outside their own.

Then… there was a pair that had suddenly been throwing her for a loop.

Minato Yukina and Imai Lisa. One so cold and aloof, avoided like a harsh winter day; and the other heated and sociable, passionate in dance and music like the summer… At least, that was how Sayo saw them at the beginning.

It came as sudden as all the other surprises in Sayo’s present life. Sayo spotted a silver songstress on her knees in a hidden corner of the park, leaning down towards a tiny kitten in what she saw was a shared eskimo kiss. She felt a stall between the beats of her heart. And it became a memory she’d never forget, sometimes replaying itself in her moments of slumber. Sayo realized that Yukina wasn’t just the snow, she was also the spring that came in turn right after.

The bassist, on the other hand, proved to also be the fall. A beauty to behold, making you forget the coldness it actually had. Lisa had days where she would doubt herself; days where her silence would issue warning sirens in Sayo’s poor confused system, prompting her to offer gauche comfort- the only kind she could manage in her uncertainty.

It didn’t help that the girl wore the scent of cinnamon and pumpkin spice pie, and all the sweet little guilty pleasures hardwired into Sayo’s poor mind (It was a weakness she would never admit to- she wondered if her parents added such a detail in the blueprint for personal amusement); and the fact that she’d casually offer an embrace that caused those fragrances to overwhelm the stiff guitarist was an additional trigger, along with a Yukina who smelled of vanilla and cookies- though the latter was probably just due to the crumbs from Lisa’s treats that the unexpectedly clumsy leader of Roselia got all over herself.

She often tried to ignore the way Lisa would cling to her and Yukina’s arms as they walked to or from the studio, or to a gig; she would try to ignore the warmth that suddenly spread from the point of contact between them to her entire body. She would also ignore the jitters and “flutters” she would feel when her eyes would meet Yukina’s mid-song, and the tiniest of smiles would play on the singer’s lips and- was that a wink, Minato Yukina?!

It irked Sayo that almost everything she had gotten used to and inputted into her data bank of memories over the course of her seventeen- eighteen years of existence were slowly changing; herself and Hina, their parents, and now, even Roselia and the rest of their girls’ band peers. Heck- even the students at school had begun to greet Sayo as she monitored the halls (which was already quite the feat, as they usually screeched or shuffled their merry way out of hers), even when she wore her usual- as Lisa and Hina so fondly called- “resting bitch face”; stoic and devoid of emotion.

How could everything just be so confusing-

“..yo? Sayo! Sayo?”

Ah. This voice sounded plenty confused as well.

“Sayo, is something the matter?”

A hand on her shoulder, and another in a worried clasp around her bicep, pulling her to spin around, face-to-face with furrowed green eyes almost matching her own.

Had she been lost in thought?

“Imai…san.” Sayo regarded with a slow nod, each syllable carefully spoken.

A hand shot out to touch her forehead, accompanied by the concerned question of, “Are you sick?”.

Well, good morning to you as well, Imai-san.

Despite the lack of proper greetings from everyone, the guitarist decided to simply answer the question before things went for worse. Sayo shook her head no, the action allowing her eyes to notice that the room was complete with all of Roselia’s members staring at her, perplexed at the bizarre, unusual Sayo they had just stumbled upon, guitar slung over her shoulders, but staring at a blank wall for who-knows-how-long before the rest arrived.

“Are you sure?” Lisa pressed, though that wasn’t the only thing she was pressing apparently, as one of Sayo’s hands was clasped between both of Lisa’s and was currently held against her fairly mature che-

“Sayo, I believe we’ve had a talk about this before, but if you are sick, one must not overexert themselves as this would trouble our band in the long run.”

“Yes, thank you, Minato-san.” –‘for taking my mind away from somewhere I’d rather it not be in.’. Sayo completed the sentence silently, hoping no one suddenly developed the powers of mindreading. “But still, I am fine and most certainly healthy.”

“You are most welcome.” Yukina gave in reply. “But I also don’t believe you all that much, Sayo. Not with your history of overwork.” Stepping in closer, the shorter girl took Sayo’s other hand in her own, giving it a squeeze. “So do tell us if you need a break today, and you shall have it.”

Oh, it had started again. Those thumps and irregular skips in Sayo’s pulse, the desire to run to the comfort room with her coolant for just a bit, the shaky breaths.

“I- I truly appreciate your kindness, but I am certainly fine and I would love to never burden you with something like a missing member due to negligence with my health.” Sayo once more tried to convince them of the truth. It was difficult.

“Really?” Gold and green interrogated, moving the slightest bit too close into Sayo’s personal space and mental safety barrier. Did they really not trust her to regulate and discipline herself with her health, much more after her first blunder?

The answer seemed to be yes.

Even Rinko’s tiny whispers of, “Hikawa-san” relayed her sincere worry for Sayo’s well-being, along with Ako’s less-than-subtle fidgeting. And while she was grateful for their sincerity, it felt a bit overbearing.

Sayo sighed for… some numbered time now. She’d done that a lot lately.

“Really.”

That seemed to have worked as everyone visibly relaxed, Ako and Rinko continuing on with their set-up and warm-ups. Sayo would have hoped that this would influence the other two in front of her to do the same; and they did. They did get to that…

But not without a gentle squeeze on her hands, a pat from Yukina, and a blown kiss from Lisa that only made it feel much hotter.

And why this was?

She still could not fathom.

And she hated that fact.

-//-//-//-

She would definitely have to apologize later.

Practice had gone nowhere. Sayo’s perfect, calculated playing, everything done with precision and a charm solely hers… it just wasn’t there. And all because of her damned updated mind that kept bringing up two pairs of warm hands, and faces that seemed to be glowing in her eyes. Then there was the matter of Lisa’s… upper… half…

“We stop here for today.” Yukina’s usual stoic voice commanded, though Sayo could hear the frustration oozing out. She clearly was not pleased, and that was all because of Sayo’s lackluster performance.

Everyone nodded in reluctant agreement, each moving to fix up their instruments, securing them in their cases.

As they were ready to leave, lights turned off and door open in wait for the guitarist to be the last member to step out, Sayo spoke, stopping under the shadow of the darkened room in a bow. “I apologize. I’ll do better next time. Today’s subpar performance was clearly due to my lack of concentration and I shall do my utmost in correcting my-“

“Sayo.”

Said girl looked up from her perfectly ninety-degree bow.

“It’s okay.”

Scanning each of her bandmates’ faces, their expressions all responded with the same thing.

It’s okay.

“Really, Sayo-san, you should tell us if you feel a little sick! You work so hard, taking a break shouldn’t be a problem for you!” Ako laughed, but it had this little nervous color to it that expressed her care for Sayo.

“Ako…chan… is right. Hikawa-san… you already… play so well. You’d never…fall behind even if… you missed one session.” Rinko gave one of her most comforting smiles, and Sayo felt the desire to smile back. And she did.

“Even if I held you all back?” Sayo asked.

“What nonsense. A member of Roselia would do no such thing!” Yukina stated with conviction. “And in the impossible case that you did,” She grabbed Sayo, pulling her out of the dark room, and into the light, in the bright hallway with everyone else. “-then we’d pull you right along. We’d do that for each other, for any comrade.”

“She’s right. We’d do it in a heartbeat.” Lisa latched on to her arm, resting her head slightly on Sayo’s shoulder, almost nuzzling the spot, which would have been bad for Sayo’s processors. “I’m sure we all feel that way.” The brunette added good-naturedly. But those words held a not-too-pleasant weight for Sayo.

‘We all feel that way.’

All.

Feel.

“Right. Of course.” Sayo nodded, covering up the sudden shakiness in her legs by taking a firm step forward, still attached to the two same-year best friends.

Like wild horses being held back that suddenly broke their fence, her thoughts ran. Roselia trusted her. As a teammate, a bandmate, a comrade… a friend. So how was she to tell them she wasn’t like all of them. That she didn’t know how to feel? How was she to explain that their warm, heartfelt sentiments were things she could not return genuinely?

How could she explain that the so-called emotions she portrayed were automatic, programmed responses? How could she possibly tell them that even she did not know her own sincerity towards the band, how she no longer knew if what she was doing was out of necessity and a must for self-preservation- a “professional” type of relationship; or if it was because she harbored what they had in their own souls. A love for other people.

No. It couldn’t be that.

She knew what it was. But that was textbook knowledge. She could never apply that to her own understanding and utilization.

She wasn’t meant to be able to do that. It wasn’t in her manual. Feelings never were. No matter how many years had passed. She’d never get to understand it.

Humans smile because they are happy. They cry when they are sad, they get angry because of unpleasant things. These little facts were what she was introduced to as the basis for telling emotions.

But then Hina smiled even though Sayo hurt her; Lisa cried when they got her flowers she loved for her birthday, and celebrated with her. Yukina got angry when another presumptuous producer offered to take them to a world stage.

It didn’t make any sense. Their reactions brought about by feelings were nothing like the manual. They were nothing so simple. They were so complex.

Too complex for a non-genius… nonhuman, non-girl like Sayo to understand.

But how could she say that to people who trusted her? That she wanted to offer a genuine trust in return to, but couldn’t possibly do so.

Again, she was far too deep inside the caves of her mind, peripheral sensors crippled to the world causing her to misstep, lunging forward for a faceplant-

…that never came.

Two bright smiles, warm eyes, and soulful emotions.

They teased and taunted, made Sayo heat up, heart threatening to explode at the sheer speed it pumped, but the notions also enough reason for her blood to run cold with unjustified envy- one that should not be able to exist within the teal-haired girl either. Because why should they be able to feel the way they do and bask in the enlightenment feelings brought. Why couldn’t Sayo? But then again, why did she care when it shouldn’t have mattered to her in the first place?

Confusing. Vexing. Frustrating.

And as Yukina held one of her hands, and Lisa clung to the other just as they did hours earlier, Sayo only felt more disdain for the concept she labelled as “feelings”. They made her bitter deep down, not because of their good intent, but that she knew not what these meant. They just weren’t for her. Feelings would never be hers to attain, they would never let Sayo own them; understanding of them constantly slipping from her grasp.

So she ended up hating them. Hating having feelings. Hating feelings.

Feelings that could never be felt by Sayo’s cold Mechanical heart.

A/N: And that’s a… wrap?? I honestly… was stuck. I guess I’d rather treat this as chap 1 and the other as the prologue haha. My brain is so dried out tbh. Um… reactions? Comments?

~Shintori Khazumi

#hikawa sayo #sayo hikawa #hikawa hina #hikawa twins #yukisayolisa #sayolisa #yukisayo #minato yukina #imai lisa #fanfic #ARG #bandori #bang dream #mechanical? au

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