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7-ratsinatrenchcoat · 1 year

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if you have never torn open a rotisserie chicken with nothing but your bare hands and carnal urge to get into a fight I highly reccomend it

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yanderenightmare · 4 months

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Gojo Satoru x darling

TW: NSFW, noncon, fantasy au

gn reader

Thinking about hunter Gojo and the pretty little nymph that gets themselves snared in one of his traps.

You can’t get your poor leg loose, having twisted your ankle in your fall to the ground – something’s wrong with your wing too, you can feel it – the thin network’s been folded, almost broken – so even if you did manage getting loose, you wouldn’t be able to fly away.

Branches snap around you along the crunch of old leaves – and your heart’s beating out of your chest in fear of it – knowing something large and dangerous is not far behind, that whoever set the trap is not something that wishes you well.

“You’re not a rabbit.” The man says, having crept in close before you’d even heard him approach – crouching in front of you with a hunter's grace. Hawk-eyes ice-blue and piercing, hair as white as pure snow.

He’s got three daggers sleaved in his belt – a fillet knife, a gutting knife, and a larger one you imagine is meant to slice throats. He doesn’t carry a sword like most men but has a bow and sack of arrows slung on his back. Otherwise, dressed lightly – brown leather boots, brown slacks, and a blue cotton shirt. You could have mistaken him for a woodland elf if it weren’t for the thick stench of man.

“Eating creatures from the holy forest is forbidden.” You snip, despite your wide eyes and the wobble of fear evident on your lip.

He only smiles at the quip, a grin like a predator humored by prey. “You wouldn’t tell a wolf not to hunt.”

He stalks you, leaning in closer, and you try shuffling away – but the movement only makes you wince.

“I’m just another hungry animal…”

Rope gnaws into your fine skin while his breath puffs hot and dewy on your face.

“And tonight… seems lady luck has favored me once again.”

He gags you and ties you further up before redoing his snare for the next unlucky creature – then carries you over his shoulder until he’s dropping you down on a bed of furs.

Your skin flushes with goosebumps at the thought of being skinned the same way – mouthing a little prayer around the cloth he’s split your teeth and lips with. He’s cut trees down as well; you hear their pitiful screams when he lights a fire with their bodies. You mourn them, too.

At his full height, the man must be two heads taller than any male nymph you’ve ever seen and at least three heads taller than you. You hope you’re enough to satisfy him tonight, to spare the forest of further bloodshed.

You shiver and sniffle when he starts prepping you – removing your clothes and groping your tender, fleshy places with a strength you’re not used to – hands large and crass – kneading you like dough – probably to assess the quality of your meat. He has a smile on his face while at it.

Humans make you sick – to think he’s planning on roasting then eating you despite the soul fueling your spirit and the beating heart in your chest. But you’ve long known that all death but their own matters little to them – they don’t feel the same way nymphs do – they don’t regard life with the same respect they’ve donned themselves. It must be a sad and lonely existence, you think. It even makes you feel a little sorry for him.

You yelp when his gritty fingers brush the area between your legs – shimmying when he lowers his mouth down to the same place. Oh God – does he plan on eating you raw? While your body’s still hot and pumping blood?

But the bite never comes – not yet eating but tasting it would seem – licking and slurping and sucking on you.

He takes his shirt off. Probably to avoid spilling on it, you think.

You don’t really understand what’s going on until he’s got his fat manhood pointed toward your kernel-sized hole. Eyes wide as he splits you apart slowly and unabashedly – as though it isn't as deviant as a dog mating a cat – sinking in inch after meaty inch.

You whimper at the stretch – wincing when the plush mushroom-shaped head grinds against that special place inside you.

It doesn’t fit more than halfway, but that doesn’t seem to bother him – rolling his head back with a rusty groan, even with just the tip gaining purchase within you – pounding into you like a beast in his rut.

“What's the matter, pretty nymph? Did you think I was gonna eat you?” He laughs, bearing over you – his hands steadying your hips to meet his sharp thrust – each hit deeper than the last. “I’m the only hunter in this forest; I can eat what I want when I want – but eating you?” He scoffed and snickered. “That would just be a waste.”

The blood on his breath makes you wrinkle your nose – squeezing your eyes shut as his tongue sweeps up the tear streaks on your cheek.

“My stomach’s already full. Time to empty my balls.”

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 10 days

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Ruggie, Trey: More and More

TWST once again picks the most INCRIMINATING villain shots to display in the picture frames 😭 I am BEGGING the museum curator to do better/j

A Tale as Old as Time.

A lion cub, a warthog, and a meerkat.

It was an odd trio, a group of animals that, under normal circumstances, would never be together. Certainly not like this—not grinning, snuggling up with each other. Carnivore, herbivore, omnivore. Sharing the lives they had, joined in heart and in song.

No worries for the rest of their days.

Ruggie snickered behind one hand. Man, ain't that the dream?

"They've got nice smiles."

The hyena's ears perked. His eyes shifted to a Heartslabyul student gazing upon the same painting. Tall, built well, in glasses.

"Come again?"

"Their teeth," Trey clarified, pointing. "You see? They have different shapes based on their diet. Warthogs mainly eat vegetables, so they have strong, flat molars for crushing plants. But lions are carnivores, so their teeth are sharper for slicing through meat. And meerkats--"

"Okay, I get it already! Now quit it, you sound almost as creepy as Rook." Ruggie groaned. "Can't believe you take one look at this and your first thought is what's in their mouths."

"You don't?" The joke fell flat, and Trey let it go "How about you? What's your first thought when you look at this? If I'm remembering correctly, this painting is based on a story from your country. Does it have significance to you?"

"Eh, it’s some story about a warthog and a meerkat coming together to raise a lost cub they found."

"Really." Trey's eyebrows raised. "How did they manage to feed a baby lion? They probably need a lot of protein, and I don't think a warthog and a meerkat could hunt enough for it."

"Nah, they figured something out." He pinched his thumb and index finger together, peering through the small gap between them and right at the vice dorm leader. "Bugs."

"Bugs?!" Trey startled.

"Yup, there's plenty of 'm and they're packed full of protein for a growing young prince.”

“Prince?”

“Did I not mention it before? Turns out that the lion cub was a missing prince, and they had no idea. When the prince was all grown up, he returned to claim his kingdom with the warthog and the meerkat. The animals were able to get over their differences and live together in harmony. It all started with bugs—that’s pretty resourceful, isn’t it?”

"I didn’t think there would be a twist that wild from a story that started with eating bugs. We sometimes eat flowers in the Queendom, but usually as a garnish or for a snack, not for a whole meal. Is it a cultural difference...?"

Ruggie shrugged. "Sometimes you don't have much of a choice in what you eat. If life hands you lemons when you're starving, are you going to turn it down? 'Course not."

I can't afford that kind of luxury.

"Well, when you put it like that..." Trey gave a light laugh. "You're going to make me hungry too."

"I'd kill for a big roast pork right about now. Fat, sweet, and juicy, the meat so tender if falls off the bone once ya sink your teeth into it..." Ruggie drooled at the thought. "Yeah, if you just shoved an apple into the warthog's mouth, glaze it with honey, and slow cook it over a fire, I bet it'd be real tasty."

"It sounds like you’ve always got food on your mind.” Trey folded his arms, lips tugging back into a lopsided smirk. “Kinda gruesome when you talk about the prep work like that though.”

“We wouldn’t have any food if we didn’t hunt and gather. ‘S how the circle of life works.”

His gaze slanted toward the painting of the happy trio. A unification, food shared from the same platter—it sparked some desperate hope in him.

A world where kings and hyenas can be friends… Heh, maybe I’m asking for too much.

But he was greedy like that. Seeking more and more, his hunger never fully satisfied.

Ruggie shook his head, letting dirty blonde locks fall across his face. “Maybe it’s news to you, but beastmen don’t exactly see eye to eye with other beastmen. That’s why it’s practically a miracle that those three get along. It’s a tale they tell us in the Sunset Savanna to remind us of what we could be, united under one true kingdom. It’s just that: a story.”

“It’s a nice story,” Trey said simply. “And it would be even nicer if it came true.”

It would.

“It’ll be a looong time before that happens. It’s about as real as my dreams of a roast pork dinner.”

Ruggie sighed as he drew his arms up, hands resting behind his head. He reclined back in that lazy, devil-may-care pose.

Trey watched him, his mustard yellow eyes shifting slightly. “… Are you baiting me to offer to make you some?”

“What?” The hyena feigned shock. “Me, trying to get my hands on free grub? Nooooo, I’d never!”

Trey stared at him indignantly. “You’re not being very subtle there…”

Ruggie showed his teeth. “Was I supposed to be?”

“Maybe you’d have better luck getting a formal invite from Riddle first. I don’t usually prepare whole hams for a single guest either—it’s usually a group meal, so you’d have to share.”

“Tch. Whatever, can’t blame a hyena for testing out a shortcut, can you?”

“Ahahah… I’m slightly concerned that you’d even attempt to have an entire pig to yourself. Your appetite must be legendary.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

More and more—he wanted it all. Gluttony, a sin to the common man. To him, a desire for something greater than this.

He saw it now, a kingdom built upon the jagged cliffs. His kind and other scorned creatures. creeping out from the darkness and into the moonlight. They all looked to the one that stood far above them, the one that would lead them to that shining future.

Someday, it will come.

Ruggie spun, his back presented to the painting. A spotlight upon the trio, and the shadows closing in on his own face.

Even so, his smile was as big and as bright as ever.

“Nishishishishi! Don’t worry so much, Trey-kun~ Just be happy—hakuna matata!”

#twisted wonderland #twst #Ruggie Bucchi #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #something no one asked for #Trey Clover #Ruggie birthday takeover #spoilers #twst imagines #twst scenarios #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland scenarios

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poetthewriter · 1 year

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can you pls write a poly grian and zedaph x reader! maybe like just a cute date night with them?

Of course I can I hope you enjoy<3 feel free to give feed back <3

𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐛&𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬 🌱🧄🌿

𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐙𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐩𝐡

𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭♥️

The sun slowly drifts down the sky and soon it will be out of view, Y/n stands it the kitchen looking down at the vegetables on their cutting board as they precisely cut the potatoes with a big stainless steel knife. the small wooden kitchen is filed with the warm and amazing smell of a beautiful roast covered in herbs, broth, vegetables and a viberent red wine that all lay in a crock pot.

Y/n puts all the food scraps in to a bucket and open the sliding door to the back of their house, the garden is in full bloom and forest is quite accept for the lake across the bumpy dirt road. The mini wooden hatch swings open as Y/n unlocks it, potato peels, celery roots, animal fat and other compostable foods all fall out when Y/ns hands turn the red bucket downwards towards the grass.

Crack

Y/n turns around quickly to look at where the sudden sound came from but nothings there accept for a little stick that fell of one of the maple trees snapped half, a small chipmunk makes a clicking sound as it runs up the tree and Y/n laughs at themself for getting so worried about sounds they hear from the forest they live in every day but just as they wind down from laughing two blond boys come up from behind Y/n and..

"BOO!"

A loud scream echo's through the forest in reaction from Y/ns lovers scaring them.

"'WHAT THE HELL YOU TWO, YOU SCARED THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME!"

giggles turn in to loud laughs as Grian and Zed hear their partners response to there little prank all Y/n can do is look up from them now as now they are sitting on the dirty grass, the warm air hits all of them even though the sun is close to being gone, Y/n gets up and walks to their door locking the two jerks outside. Running up to the door Grian and Zed pound on it begging for their partner to let them in.

"Y/nnnnnn were sorryyyyyyy!"

"We were just trying to surprise you, will let us in for date night already we want to see youuuuu!"

Slowly but surely Y/n slowly opens the door Zed and Gri immediately smother them into a warm, soft, hug. the two lift their heads goofy smiles lay across their faces as the look at their partner and take in the aromatic peppery smell lingering across the cottage. they look down at the beautifully set dinner table, red table cloths spread across the table and Lady of Shallot roses are placed in a transparent red vase.

"it looks lovely, darling" zed says to Y/n as they start to prepare all of their plates.

"it sure does, it smells amazing too" Grian follows up Zeds question, all Y/N does is give a bright smile to them as they walk over to try and help, once again as they rest behind Y/ns shoulder and the smells of the two immediately their smell runs past them. Zed smells like fire and a bit musty from working on him projects and Grian smells earthy and woodlike.

Holding three plates in their hands Y/n place them all down on the table mats, the three sit down to eat the warm meal and talk about their day.

"What did you do today!" Gri say with a smile as he devores his food.

"it was great! I feel like I did so much and now I get to end off with a date! I first dropped off some berries to Ren then I helped Pearl with some of Scars chest monsters and then I ended off by hunting with Tango! it was a fun day, what did you two do?" Y/N says happily putting their hands behind their head.

"I tested Mumbo's Vault today and proud to say it was not Grian proof" Grian quickly chimes in after Y/n.

Zed laughs and talks about his day "I really didn't do much different then a normal day at the lab, Impulse did come visit me though, so that was nice!"

the three continue chatting about their day and the small little details of their work and interactions as they finish up their plates, Zed gets up taking the plates and putting them in the water filled sink. Grian comes up behind the two and swing his arms over their shoulders.

"what do you wanna do now its only 8:00?" he says groaning.

"go put on shorts and a tank top, you two" Zed says looking at Y/n with a sly face, after a few minutes the two come down to see Zed already dressed, he grabs Grian and Y/n pulling them somewhere outside as he tells them to close their eyes.

basically feeling the giddy smile coming off of Zed, Y/n and Grian start to feel a bit nervous, the nerves don't stop until gasps come out of the blind partners cold water engulfs their feet as they step forward.

"HOLY! THATS COLD!" Grian screams, his wings flap up as he feels it, but now as they open their eyes its two late Zed pushes them right into the cold lake, screams and splashing are shared by the two freezing bodies in the lake.

"ZEDAPH!" Y/n yells at him before tackling him into the water with them, now the screams come from him as the two laugh at what he just did to them.

The three partners laughs could be heard miles away from the moon covered lake and no one could do anything to stop them from loving the times the are together cause in the end no matter how much time they have they know they will love each other for every second they breath.

#hermitcraft x reader #grian x reader #zedaph #zedaph x reader #grian #poets writes #hermitcitizen #hermitcraft fanfic #fluffy

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bonefall · 1 year

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https://discover.grasslandbeef (.com) /blog/novolone-cheese-dairy-free-bone-marrow-cheese-recipe/

Heres a bone marrow recipe with 0 butter, it was the one i was looking at. It seems that it just uses the plantains as a mushy base but i didn't know if the clans have access to anything that can be mushified. I was also thinking if my clans have access to milk (one clan lives on mountains and are known for knocking goats over cliffs to kill them, although its dangerous since you can be the one thrown over instead) but i havent researched that entirely. And about the eggs, I actually did have that written down (its called Balut iirc), fermenting things by burying them came up a LOT and stuffing large organs like stomachs to cook whole came up too. Pemmican seems like something the clans would also eat, since its just dried meat, berries, and fat.

DEFINITELY gonna use that marrow recipe as a butter substitute, it seems like the marrow alone can be used as a butter... unsure about the cheese though, the plantain seems like a very important ingredient there as a binding agent, and my cats don't have those.

Could apples or pears be used instead? I don't think blackberries would have that same "consistency."

On Milk

It's in the realm of possibility for everyone else's Clans who live on farms or have a good relationship with feral goats to collect milk! Difficult, considering their paws aren't particularly dexterous, but possible if they figured out a good grip. Feral cats who live near elephant seals are also actually able to steal milk irl-- that's because an elephant seal nipple lactates in 'bursts' with no kneading required.

But my Clan cats will never have milk for two reasons

They don't like to spend time around humans or steal from them, unless they're SkyClan. Living too close to humans and their pets stresses them out. So Warrior Bites recipes will never use them, because they would not have a culinary use for things they do not encounter.

The logistics of taking milk are difficult. They'd need to keep the animal still, milk them into a bucket, and then be able to run with that container (possibly jumping over obstacles). Since my cats aren't living directly alongside these animals, they don't have technological development towards this. Maybe as a dare! But not enough to get used in official recipes.

I also just, personally, really don't like the idea of trying to force Clan Culture into being an arbitrary reflection of ours. I sometimes do funny little tidbits, memes, or jokes, y'know? Especially for names (in both English and Clanmew) because I love puns and it eventually becomes its own word. But something as big as including dairy products as a base ingredient in official Warrior Bites entries completely defeats the point of my project.

I'm not trying to reverse engineer human food for cats, like, make "versions" of popular people junk foods that they would never come up with if they weren't just mimicking twolegs. I wanna make Clan cat food. I wanna make food that's 75% what a cat in this culture would whip up if you gave them a brain and fire and only 25% still palatable to humans.

(examples of suggestions I get frequently that are a hard no: pizza, hot pockets, noodles, sandwiches, insert random farm vegetable, candy, plant-based dishes that contain absolutely no meat)

But!! This is taking my Clan's cultures into consideration! It makes perfect sense to have milk AND evolve lactose tolerance if your Clan's culture is keeping livestock! Be that their own herds, or living in tandem with human farms, etc.

ShepherdClan would be a serious vibe.

Stomachs, Balut, Pemmican

I ABSOLUTELY plan to make dishes that are like haggis, where you take a big organ, stuff it full of meat, and then roast the whole thing. A++++ S-rank stuff. That's exactly the sort of thing they'd get up to.

ShadowClan in particular also likes to experiment with fermentation, so I want to eventually give them "ratwurst" lmao, sausages made from the intestines of rats, packed with meats, and then fermented until hard.

Balut is an egg in late embryonic development. You get a little bite of yolk and a big bite of meat! It's absolutely something the Clans would get up to. Traditionally this is done with ducks, which are everywhere in the part of England so I can definitely imagine Clan cats stealing a couple eggs 'that won't even be missed.'

But you know what I'm going to do? Clan cats LOVE doing this with cuckoo eggs most of all. Especially in ThunderClan and SkyClan. They'll inspect the nests of songbirds, and if they see a cuckoo, just take it and incubate it themselves. Just enough until it's maximum delicious.

They have a cultural love of songbirds, so they have a vested interest in protecting them from brood parasites which kill the other eggs.

And pemmican? Totally a ThunderClan thing. Funfact I decided that it's Ivypool's favorite food, she seems like she'd like something a little chewy.

#Warrior Bites #clan culture

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gaykarstaagforever · 4 months

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We always assume ancient people were hard-up for food all the time.

And yes, it took them longer than it takes us to get snacks, especially with preparation and gathering. And they were highly susceptible to weather conditions and fires and vegetable blights.

But like...they probably wouldn't have decided to raise families where they did if those places were nutrient-poor.

I'm not saying they had a lot of fat people. But they certainly had SOME. Because don't try to tell me they didn't have ready snacks at hand. We love snacks. Especially when we're drunking. And evidence indicates beer was invented like the day after bread.

They died at 45 because they had no sophisticated way to deal with cavities and breech births and rocks falling on your knee and viruses they didn't understand. Not because they didn't have roasted nuts and dried fish and congealed pork fat mixed with blueberries when they wanted it.

We think "society" has made us lazy over-eaters. Sure, it provides ample opportunity to do that. But the point is, we WANT to do that. That's a basic drive, that seemingly all animals have. That's just doing little and stuffing your face. We do it, dogs do it, birds do it, T-Rexes did it.

Who doesn't want to sit around and eat all day? And no doubt any group of humans, or animals, is going to have members that accel at figuring out how to do that. And if populations are low and the biosphere is abundant, it can happen.

I just hate this idea that people 30,000 years ago were supposedly too stupid to figure out how to gather mounds of food and stuff their faces with it. If rats and monkeys can, and do!, do it, we did too.

Plus

More like PLUS SIZE, am I right??

...Ass up to her armpits. Hell yeah, girl.

#stop removing fat people from history #prehistoric #paleolithic #neolithic #stone age #cave men

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tastesoftamriel · 2 years

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So obviously the Bosmer use offal (in fact, they argue that it's the best part of the animal!) but what of other cultures? Which ones make use of organ meats, and which consider it to be largely taboo? Which organs are exceptions, in those cases? Most people are at least willing to make exceptions for the fancy ones like pâté or foie gras.

Offal isn't for everyone (it's me, I'm everyone), but each race abides by the motto of "waste not, want not" when it comes to meat. These are some popular dishes based around offal from across Tamriel.

Altmer

Offal is, unsurprisingly, not particularly popular in Summerset, beyond foie gras. But foie gras is overrated, so I'm going to tell you about a popular worker's dish, made of kidney and liver. The organs are lightly fried in butter, and served on a crispy bed of kale chips, dried seaweed, and fried parsnips. Simple, healthy, and wholesome!

Argonians

Cold pig's intestines with pickled ginger is a common Argonian appetiser, which is served alongside an array of other dishes and steamed rice. It's definitely not my favourite, but mixing it with the other side dishes definitely helps you forget that you're chowing down on innards.

Bosmer

Every part of the animal is used in Bosmeri culture, and that of course means lots of offal in Valenwood! One of the more appetising treats I've tried were dried, seasoned cow lung, cut into slices and deep fried. Crunchy, flavourful, and far more interesting than standard jerky.

Bretons

Goose liver foie gras is certainly popular, but discerning Bretons know that duck liver makes for a rich pâté with an almost overwhelmingly meaty flavour. Smooth, airy, and mousse-like, this pâté is served with crisp sliced sourdough and baked vegetable chips.

Dunmer

Fish eyes are a prized delicacy among the Dunmer, and they are always offered to the most prominent person at the table. Best served with saltrice sauce and pickled comberry mince, the texture still irks me. Some people like them so much that most Dunmeri fishmongers sell fish eyes in bulk.

Imperials

Brains? Really, Talviel? Unfortunately, yes. In Bruma, cold roasted slices of veal brains, and fried veal brains, are common foods. The cold roasted brains are served with tomato sauce, while the fried veal brains could almost fool you into thinking it's schnitzel.

Khajiit

Sorry, it's brains again, this time in curry form. Goat or cow brains are thinly sliced, quickly grilled over coals, and tossed into a rich, yellow coconut-based curry with potatoes and peas. This is probably about as appetising as brains get for me.

Nords

Beef and horse heart blood sausages are a Skyrim household staple, due to their ability to last for ages and their rich, meaty taste. Heart, blood, fat, juniper berries, prunes, and spices are the secret ingredient to a dried sausage. Best eaten cold in thin slices atop rye bread.

Orcs

A traditional stronghold food is an ox blood soup with stewed organ meat and thinly sliced beef tongue. This flavoursome soup is nutritious, but definitely an acquired taste. It's served with fresh crusty bread, or boiled potatoes and butter.

Redguards

The Redguards of the Alik'r know scarcity, and as a result, every part of the goat is used from meat to skin to bones and horns. Goat innards of all kinds are mixed with mashed chickpeas and spices, and shaped into bricks to be grilled over a coal fire. These organ koftas are served with a creamy tomato gravy, or atop cous cous with yoghurt sauce.

#world building #worldbuilding #tes #the elder scrolls #Food #Offal

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thottybrucewayne · 1 year

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A LIST OF PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO HELL: 2023 EDITION, LETS GOOOOOOOO!!!!

Anybody that's still dick gobblin JK Rowling. At this point yall can't be saved. Perish. Yall be going two hand twist Teanna Trump full throttle on her shit 24/7 365 and for what? A children's book series that really should have stopped being relevant the second yall heard the bitch was bumping coochies with terfs on Twitter dot com? Be serious

Anybody that defended Tory Lanez. But especially the niggas that were 10 toes down and nipple deep in conspiracy theories because they were too pussy to admit they just wanted to participate in the harassment of a Black woman. You going to the hottest part of hell if you really believe that "roc nation got him!" Or any other bullshit

White leftists who hold zero community with Black people either online or irl but wanna act like world renowned Doctors of Niggalogy the second they hear about anything a Black leftist is doing. I'm fitting yall for some gasoline draws as we speak

White tiktokkers. Yall showed yall ass so bad last year that you all gotta go at this point. Yall getting packed like sardines and will be down there within 2 to 3 business minutes

Like 99.999999999999999% of anime/manga fans. You niggas are so deeply unserious about everything to the point where a prominent figure in the anime news community was exposed for being a literal "ex" neo nazi and yall tried to sneak forgive him 2 months later because "everyone makes mistakes" you're spineless and weak and I'm spitting in your eye before I pull the lever to the flaming depths below

Speaking of anime, anyone who was involved with anime abridged series but especially in the 2010s. Yall are going to the front of the line. I ain't forget what yall was doing with Canary from hxh

Anybody who is ridiculously overly critical of the "state of female rap" but refuse to speak on these mid tier male rappers that be stinking up the girls records with they features

Paula Abdul and Jlo. They both know why.

Anyone who makes Ike and Tina/Whitney and Bobby jokes

Anyone who thinks up north and Cali aren't racist. 9 times outta 10 you are the embodiment of northerner/cali racists we be talkin about

Anyone who argues that slur reclamation makes a word not a slur anymore. A. That's not how that works B. Now I know why yall wanna say nigga so bad

Anybody who still listens to them nsfw anime boyfriend audios on the public library computers. You and the dude on xvideos a seat over from you are 2 sides of the same coin

Batman "fans" who say shit like "why doesn't he just kill the joker?" Yall add nothing new to the conversation like ever and its literally painful to talk to you

Anyone who takes hoteps, Dr. Umar, or DJ akademiks seriously. You was born a fool and you'll die a fool

Niggas with podcasts. Enough

Whoever keeps coming up with them twitter hypotheticals that rule every conversation within the Black community for a solid week. I'm convinced you are a psyop tasked with sowing chaos within the Black community. You must be terminated.

Anybody who recommends me corny ass cornball corn on the cob ass media then expect me to like it. Cause like....what you trying to say?

VAUSH

Yall nbs who keep jumping up to defend raceplay/slaveplay in any kink based controversy on here even though nobody was fuckin talkin about raceplay/slaveplay

Reylos. Self explanatory.

Booktokkers and Booktok authors

Niggas who eat chitlins but are picky about other food. Slurp them doodoo noodles in hell, babes.

People who think "blackwashing" is real. Self explanatory.

Men who look like they smell like cold spit and earring backs who talk cash shit about fat women. Yall gonna be roasted on a spit and I'll be turning it.

Pickmes. You've finally been picked! To burn in the lake of fire for all eternity.

And finally, anybody and I mean ANYONE who is still doing stupid shit like licking subway poles for attention. I hope all 8 million diseases of the naked city on that damn pole attack your immune system and breaks you down on a molecular level till theres nothing left.

#thotty speaks #thotty rants #going to hell list 2023 #feel free to add some in the reblogs

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molagboop · 11 months

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First drafted December 25, 2022

All the popular Tumblr winter holiday posts are circulating again, so I figured I'd stretch the thought-muscle and talk about Mawkin holidays.

The last holidays of the year involve an end-of-year feast called Resting Star, and the Festival of Shambles.

Preparations for Resting Star are made throughout the month, but a week before the big day, the young up-and-coming warriors are tasked with working together to bring down a beast large enough to feed their settlement. They are each permitted to ask aid of one of their mentors, but the bulk of the work is to be done by the youths in question. If there are not many growing hunters to participate in this rite, the group will be joined by a gaggle of skilled adults to provide backup.

The beast in question becomes the centerpiece of the meal, and depending on what comes home, the animal can be carved and dressed in many different ways.

Imagine bringing home Corpius' uncle after a successful hunt. You sit down at the table later that evening to see that his roasted, jagged ribs now shelter a smaller, fat creature that's been stuffed and baked in a hole your grandpa dug in the ground and started a fire in. There's a bowl full of jagged glowing candies that remind you of distant stars and little rolls shaped like bird heads that are filled with either a delicious paste (nut, sweet, bean, or bug) or meat. There's stew, stuffed vegetables, cliff fungus sauce, a gritty meat paste to spread on the umami rolls, a vibrantly colored jelly-like structure floating over a sizable bowl of crimson saltwine, and a platter of large arthropods served upside-down that are seasoned and roasted whole while they still live. It's a lot to take in.

Hatchlings born that year are dressed up and presented before their local community to commemorate them surviving to the end of the year, or seeing their first "winter", as humans might say. The rest of the community is also celebrating that they too made it to the final month of the year, but emphasis is put on new babies for the spectacle.

Resting Star is named as such because a year constitutes making a full revolution around a planet's given star: the holiday is symbolic of laying the previous year and its happenings to rest.

The Festival of Shambles revolves around more morbid subject matter, but is no less boisterous. The tribe gathers for dancing, singing, and a bombastic theatrical parade to commemorate the thousands who died in defense of ZDR during a surprise attack by an ancient enemy during a peaceful visit by emissaries from other Chozo tribes.

This historical event took place during another holiday, the Festival of Stars, which the one of the visiting Thoha delegates was rather looking forward to.

I had dialogue between Samus and Raven Beak written out in the draft for this post, so here you go:

"So on this side of the planet, they celebrate a day where a portly individual with white plumage brings gifts for the children."

"yeah. you celebrate anything this time of season on your planet?"

"There is the end of year feast and the Festival of Shambles."

"... what's the last one about?"

"The people gather around and celebrate the day that we survived complete destruction on a day that was supposed to be marked by peace."

"that's metal."

"There are dancers in costume and a live reenactment of the massacre."

"oh"

"The adults hand out treats to the children, and fledglings of 8 seasons are permitted to indulge their first gullet of hitra. This gives their liver the opportunity to kickstart its immunity to a variety of toxins, granting them greater constitution in the face of future alcoholic merriment and a degree of protection from attempted poisoning."

"huh."

#mawkin #chozo #headcanons #samus learns something new about Raven Beak's people every day #'why would they need to build immunity against poisons raven beak. aside from the planet being hostile'#'do you all expect someone to try to poison you at all times'

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radioactive-reactions · 2 years

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The Caravaneer's Cookbook [excerpt]

Recipe 12: Trail-Style Chili con Carne

Sometimes you want a meal that aint fancy and aint cultured but by God it will fill you. This is it. The best chili I ever had was made by a tribe feller in Yuma but I dont think hes makin it no more on account of the legion movin in and blastin it half to hell. Its a bad business and Im sorry for it but especially Im sorry for the habaneros down that way cant be bought no more except from them legion traders and I will surely die before I give them one cap.

You will need:

2 handfuls ground meat. Whatever you have on hand but Brahmin is best. If one of your pack animals gives out thats a blessing in disguise because its good eatin.

1 handful beans. Any caravan worth its cow has em.

3 pinches salt. If you aint got any you dont need it but check your closest salt flat before you set down with bland chili.

5 jalapeno peppers. Its a fancy name but its good. Habanero is good but its hard to find. Grind up the seeds to powder and have that too.

Half handful Brahmin fat. Like I said any works but Brahmin works best. I seen fiends make it with human fat but I cant say as that tastes good.

3 tomatos. NCR sells these and they aint good for much but they have tomatos. If you put a tato in my chili I swear by every decent God I will shoot you and leave your body for the raiders.

Half bottle water. Now some say its better to use water for drinkin than cookin but they aint never had this before. Any feller who eats nothin but dry roasted gecko steak aint hardly got a leg to stand on when it comes to badmouthin your hard work anywise.

You want a big pot over your fire. Some folk say that fires aint good and you should use a hot plate instead but you do that and youll be waitin for your chili to cook til the next war. Youre gonna put the brahmin in the pot first on account of it takin longest to cook and let it get brown all by itself with nothin else in there. Then you put the water and the peppers and the beans and the fat there. You want it to get nice and thick so eyeball it and add more fat if its not working. Give it a few minutes and put in your seed powder and your salt and stir the whole thing til its bubblin and the whole camp is crowdin round askin you for some but you don't give no ground to them softbellied freeloaders. When its all ready and you can smell it from Phoenix you eat it right outta the pot and you look some other caravan feller in the eye and you say with a little smile you would of shared some but you aint got no other bowl. Even if that aint true it makes it taste better.

Well thats about how I make it anywise. You add what you like and do it how you want cause I surely aint your master. You just asked is all.

#fallout #fallout new vegas #fnv #not reactions #thinking about posting little bits of writing like this when i can't do full reactions. do you guys like that

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a-god-in-ruins-rises · 1 year

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I recently converted to paganism from Christianity and I have some questions about offerings. What do I do with offerings after the fact? Do I dump them? Do I eat them? Would that be disrespectful? What are the best offerings?

welcome home! these are good questions. i can offer my perspective but of course opinions will differ from individual to individual and tradition to tradition. just keep that in mind. but here's my personal take.

it's flexible. i'm not a hardcore traditionalist. i think you do what you can with your circumstances.

i'll start with "what are the best offerings" and i'll say it depends. it depends on your circumstances and who you're offering to. different gods have different preferences and it would be a good idea to look that up before making offerings. however, in general some safe bets are water (especially holy water), alcoholic beverages, milk, oil, honey, meat, fruits, and grains/bread/cakes. also, votive offerings are always welcome.

when it comes to offering food people often fret over how much they should offer. the answer is whatever is reasonable. you don't need to buy an expensive cut of meat and offer it to the gods. you don't need to break the bank. i'd have to go through my notes but there are ancient references talking about how poor people offering their last loaf of bread is more pious than a rich man offering a whole pig, for example. offerings should not be an unreasonable burden but it should be /some/ kind of actual sacrifice. obviously, it /can/ be more of a burden if you want -- that would probably be pious (as long as it's not /too/ much of a burden) -- but it's not required. it's supererogatory. and obviously, there will probably be a difference in the quality of your daily offerings vs your offerings on especially holy days. so yeah, just offer whatever is reasonable.

now how do you dispose of offerings? well, it also depends on some things; what you're offering, why you're offering, who you're offering to, and where you are making this offering. there are a variety of possibilities; you might pour libations either onto the earth or a body of water or a sacred stone or into a special bowl reserved for libations (which you will then pour onto earth when possible), you might bury votive offerings or certain foods (if you're a hellenist this is especially preferable for cthonic deities and spirits), you might burn the offering in a fire (especially for ouranic deities), or place them at an outdoor altar, or you might consume them yourself (some consider this impious, but i don't -- there is plenty of evidence attesting to this), or you might give them to other people or animals to consume, etc.

to elaborate on eating the offering: lots of people find this controversial. they consider it cheap and impious to eat something you're supposed to be sacrificing. i think this is valid and i definitely sympathize with this sentiment. on the other hand, other people say it is impious and disrespectful to waste an offering of food and that the gods would want us to share in the bounty. again, i think this valid and i am sympathetic. so i personally practice a middle ground. if it's something simple/cheap like bread or milk or something i will just offering the gods a portion and leave it to nature. but if it's like a lavish feast, especially one including meat, then i will typically reserve a portion, especially the inedible (or less desirable) parts and any excess fat, for the gods in a burnt offering. the rest of meal in general can be symbolically offered to and blessed by the gods and then consumed.

again, it's important to remember you just have to be reasonable and be putting a sincere effort. don't overthink it. if you're buy a prime rib roast for a feast you don't need to buy an extra one to offer the gods. you can just trim off the fat and offer that. it's all the same to the gods. they don't /need/ the food like we do. they're not literally physically eating the food. they're spiritually sharing in the meal with us. that's the important part. the communion. it's like a father eating with his child and the child offers pieces of his own food from his plate to his father and the father gleefully accepts even though he doesn't really need it (he has all he needs) and both father and child are enriched by the act. it's the act of sharing and the intention and the thoughtfulness and the bond that matters.

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deathlessathanasia · 1 year

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“The ancient Greeks were not big meat eaters. Animals were too valuable for their other contributions to society to slaughter too freely, and, for the most part, the Greeks were too good at agriculture to need much supplementing with meat products. At any given time, at least 80 percent of the population was engaged in agriculture, and (agricultural) self-sufficiency, called autarkeia, was the ideal. The average farmer probably worked about five acres or so of land with the help of his family and one or two oxen to pull the plough. Wealthy farmers owned quite a bit more land, as well as the slaves (and animals) to work it, and the highest level of Athenian society at least was reserved for those whose properties produced the equivalent of 500 medimnoi (1 medimnos = about 52 liters) of grain per annum. The daily diet consisted mainly of these grains—either as bread or porridge—along with legumes; vegetables such as turnips, radishes, lettuce, cucumbers, artichokes, leeks, celery, cabbage, and onions; fruits such as apples, pears, pomegranates, grapes, and figs; cheeses mainly made from goat’s milk; and herbs, especially mint, dill, and garlic (which, counterintuitively, was thought to be an aphrodisiac). This diet was complemented by seafood. Sweets were restricted to fruits, honey, and occasionally dates. Wine was abundant and normally drunk in a watered down state so that even children over three years old could partake of it. The ancient Greeks did not drink milk and thought that such a practice was utterly barbaric.

And yet anyone who has ever read the works of Homer no doubt came away from the experience with the general notion that the Greeks ate a lot of meat, as meat is the focus of every description of feasting, ranging from royals feasts to casual dinners to the meals of slaves. The corridors and courtyards and homes were full of gathered men; There were many, both young and old. For them Alkinoös sacrificed twelve sheep, Eight white-tusked boars, and two ambling oxen, And he flayed their skins, and they prepared a lovely feast. (Odyssey 8.5761) But he [Akhilleus] set down a great meat tray in the fire’s gleam, And on it he set the back of a sheep and a fat goat, And the backbone of a hog rich in fat. And Automedon held them down for him, and godlike Akhilleus cut them. And he cut up the meat well, and stuck it onto spits. The son of Menoitios [Patrokles], peer of the gods, kindled a great fire. But when the fire burned out and the light died off, Spreading the embers he stretched out the spits above them And sprinkling divine salt he set them on the fire dogs. And when indeed it was roasted and was heaped on the cutting board Patrokles took bread and distributed it to the table In lovely baskets, and Akhilleus distributed the meat. And he sat opposite godly Odysseus By the other wall, and he bade Patrokles, his companion, To sacrifice to the deities. And he tossed offerings into the fire. And they stretched out their hands to the good things lying ready before them. (Iliad 9.210221) So speaking he quickly fastened his robe with a belt, And he went to go to the pig sties, where the group of pigs were kept. There, picking out two he sacrificed both And he singed them and cut them up and stuck them onto spits. Having roasted everything he brought Odysseus Everything hot on the spits. He sprinkled white barley, And in the cup he mixed honey-sweet wine. (Odyssey 14.7278)

There are a few reasons for this discrepancy between the literature and the reality. First of all, everything in Homer is a bit larger than life, and the exaggeration in diet is no exception. Plus, Homer focused on the entertaining and exciting, not necessarily the accurate; many a scholar has noted the fact that no Homeric heroes in our texts ever go to the bathroom (“Then, like a mighty racehorse, godlike, swift-footed Akhilleus took a leak on the walls of Troy”). Additionally, especially for Akhilleus and Eumaios, lifestyle was a major determinant in choice of meal. Akhilleus was a soldier on campaign, not someone with ready access to the literal fruits of his farm. Animals are well known to be handy food-storage devices: they store grains and foods inedible to humans (like hay), and provide sustenance when agricultural provender is not readily available. And if Eumaios offered a meal of pork to his guest, this probably has a lot to do with the fact that he was a swineherd—pork was inevitably what was for dinner. Most important, though, is the matter of sacrifice. As stated previously, animals were, in general, too valuable to be killed for a daily meal. However, they also served as a bridge between mortals and immortals when humans slaughtered animals in sacrifice to the deities. In contrast to Near Eastern deities, Greek gods did not actually eat meat—or human food at all. It was repugnant for them to fill their immortal bodies with dead things (which, face it, is what food is), and the gods ate food called ambrosia, literally “immortal.” Apparently the gods just liked the smell of barbeque, leaving the actual meat of the sacrificed animals for the humans to enjoy. The most common context for eating meat in ancient Greece, then, was in the religious context of sacrifice, when the humans helped themselves to the parts of the dead animals not desired by the gods. Thus, when Homer claims that Alkinoös “sacrificed twelve sheep,” it is a literal sacrifice.”

- Intimate Lives of the Ancient Greeks, by Stephanie Lynn Budin

#ancient greece #food #agriculture #homeric epics #sacrifice #excerpts #quotes

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braveolpabear · 2 years

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Good Old Pa Bear formerly Lachlan Ormerod

Papa Bear formerly Lachlan Andrew Ormerod was once an ambitious, intelligent but misunderstood autistic human being until he was killed by a bolt of lightning while looking for shelter during a storm. His troubled soul was lured into a mystic portal beyond The Solar System just outside The Milky Way under unknown circumstances before being warped into a massive far-off distant galaxy known only as Galaxceus that is home to many planets, planetoids and asteroids each with their own unique climates, differently-coloured glowing more pulsating energy fields and representing certain mystical key elements like Fire, Ice, Air, Water, Desert, Earth, Snow, Electricity, Night, Sun, Cloud, Sky, Moon, Star, Love, Electricity, Magic, Psychic, Rainbow, Enchantment, Frost, Volcano, Jungle, Turbo, Cosmic, Twilight, Swamp, Rock, Flower, Aqua, Mystic, Dream, Imaginative (aka Imaginary), Dynamic, Techno, Spectacular, Charm, Heaven, Illumination, Elasticity, Battle, Metro, Ancient, Inflatable, Prehistoric, Super, Ultra, Mega, Light, Gem, Illusion, Special, Lava, Guardian, Wish, Strange, Galactic, Power, Astro, Cave, Master, Infinity, Beauty, Major, Terrific, Incredible, Fantastic, Invincible, Amazing, Magnificent, Indestructible, Mighty, Ultimate, Eternal, Immortality and the hostile ones such as Darkness, Shadow, Nightmare, Haunted, Chaos, War and Terror. Before long Lachlan Ormerod found himself in a lush, heavenly paradise full of sentient Singing Flowers and Fruit Trees. He went over to a nearby stream and saw a furry reflection of himself as a largely chubby teddy-like Bear with reddish-brown short thick fur, sun yellow fat belly, a bright red nose and wearing a light blue t-shirt with white singlet underneath although still somehow has the same mullet hairstyle. Before he could question his slightly obese anthropomorphic form an oinking sound made him turn around. A large more hugely obese Native Brown Boar in jungle shaman attire complete with a gold crown encrusted with multi-coloured feathers and a pendant resembling The Yin and Yang Symbol. The wise Brown Boar silently motioned the astounded fat teddy-like Bear to follow him. After a short walk through the jungle they come into a small hut covered with vines and leaves with a large Pig Statue encrusted with jewels. Sitting in the garden is a huge thirty five-foot tall Pink Whippet in a retro-style areobics purple spandex complete with large tennis shoes, greenish armbands, blueish headband and pinkish legwarmers. After a brief silence the Brown Boar introduces himself as Porko aka The Hogfather an all-mighty Jungle Boar Shaman who wants to teach the unlikely duo the strongest magic on the planet known as ''Pigasus''. When the teddy-like Bear asks why are they here Porko responds by casting an Illusionary Spell to show he is Lachlan Ormerod aka their true creator who made everything. He also explains that The Giant Pink Whippet is in fact the Bear's guardian angel Jodie the Heavenly Whippet. As the Teddy-like Bear stares in astonishment a swarm of over fifty or so malicious Dragons come swooping down and attack the unsuspecting heroes. After a brief but intense battle Porko tells their leader Spyra aka the Ruthless Purple Dragon he will not return the remaining Dragons Treasure and that Pigs are better than Dragons. Before Spyra can kill the Jungle Boar Shaman Jodie angrily punches him out while the Teddy-like Bear joins in on the fight. As The Dragon Soldiers flee with an unconscious Spyra in two Jodie questions Porko who was that. The Jungle Boar Shaman replies they were MediEvil Dragons from the dreaded planetoid Medievilonia who constantly terrorise the heavenly planet Pleasure Paradise. He also states he severely hates most Dragons because he lost he love of his life, a Pig to a Dragoness (presumably Kariah the Dragoness Empress) who magically transformed her into pork roast. Porko provides both of his apprentices Animal Wands a Horse and Pig Wand. Because of his bravery Porko decides to name the teddy-like Furrie Papa Bear.

#walt disney #the jungle book #baloo the bear #papa bear #Jodie #heavenly whippet #guardian angel #castle of heaven #barnyard #jungle shaman #Porko #big boar #animal furrie #jungle #magic #chubby #fatso #obesity #fat belly

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bruinescence · 5 months

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@raphaeni cont.

"I didn't expect to see you here." The tavern is crowded with people in the late night hours, drinking, singing, the crackling of fire as meat is roasted over a spit, fat dripping and hitting the firewood with a hiss. The patrons laugh and eat and drink. Raphael stares the druid over. "How does city life strike you?"

The druid was not immediately certain as to why the current gathering had coaxed an air of unease about him. He had not partaken in anything stronger than an herbal tea, and yet the room seemed to lose the run of itself around him very much as shadows did whilst caught within the flickering dance of umber light emitted from the hearth of a fireplace. Drinking, conversing (though most in the vicinity had seemed to lose their edge on this skill the later the night settled in), even dancing (a similar fate as conversion) were all things familiar to him, but without a ceiling of stars and the faint scent of a river, dandelion and feathers carried by breeze, it all seemed...a devil in disguise.

As his vision swam wearily about the room in the hopes he might find one of his companions to see if the same spoke true to them, he settled for a corner to tuck into. He lifted the remnants of his tea up to finish the cup, but the smell of it also seemed...off. About as much as the fur bristling feeling that still prickled beneath the skin that told him he was either being too sensitive or he was being watched from somewhere near the bar- beyond even the tempter's approach.

With a slow blink, the druid tilted his head after a muddled moment and regarded the other's company with bleary resolve. "...the opposite of -...ideal comes to mind." He spoke as if surprised anything had, and firmly gripped the edge of the table before him in as much of a grounding stance that a tranquilized animal could.

"I should go-"

#raphaeni #//someone may have done something @ that tea #//not drinking but still hit w poor decision making

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dissco · 6 months

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Fionn mac Cumhsill BG3 Verse

A highly acclaimed ranger Fionn was born nearly one thousand years before the appearance of the absolute. Fathered by a warrior sconed by a local king, and betrayed by his own company, Fionn was forced to live out his childhood learning to hunt, trade and fight for his life. Eventually reaching a point where he could learn no more by himself, the boy began to enter into the service of lords, hiding his heritage. However his attempts were continually thwarted, his identity being discovered and exiled for fear of the consequences of harboring him.

Fionn, continuing his hunting, came across a druid attempting to catch a magic creature, the salmon of knowledge. The moment they met eyes, the druid's line pulled taut and hooked the fish. He ordered the boy to cook the fish for him, and he obliged, roasting it over an open fire. A drop of fat from the mystic fish burned his thumb, which he immediately suckled to sooth the pain, imbuing in him all the knowledge the world had to offer in a single moment. Seeing he had consumed the fish, the druid offered him the rest of the animal, granting him the ability to access the knowledge of the salmon by placing his thumb in his mouth.

His extraordinary skills and access to a limitless well of wisdom allowed Fionn a successful career as a mercenary, claiming leadership of his father's company and regaining the trust of the nobles. Eventually he grew tired of the peace of his land, his company left to be little more than an honor guard for royalty. He sought out druids hidden in the mountains, requesting to be put into a slumber beneath the Cloud Peaks, only to be awoken once the world was truly in need of him.

1492 DR, a Netherbrain appears on the sword coast, disrupting the magic maintaining Fionn's slumber. Releasing him into a monastery overtaken by a Githyanki detachment where the party may come across him.

#★ ' fionn / study .#★ ' fionn / au; bg3 .#the aspect of fionn's story where he's just. snoozing until ireland needs him is so interesting to me i love those kinds of endings #this reads horribly bc its almost 5am but i got it out

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konglindorm · 10 months

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FIFTH STORY: THE LITTLE ROBBER GIRL

(Over the next seven weeks, I’ll be posting both the text of the Snow Queen, and my thoughts on it. This is the text of the fifth section. All text comes from the public domain translation of Andersen’s works edited by J. H. Stickney and published in 1886. Today's illustration is from Fritz Kredel.)

The coach drove on through a thick forest, where it lighted up the way like a torch and dazzled the eyes of some robbers, who could not bear to let it pass them unmolested.

"It is gold! it is gold!" cried they, rushing forward and seizing the horses. Then they struck dead the little jockeys, the coachman, and the footman, and pulled little Gerda out of the carriage.

"She is plump and pretty. She has been fed with the kernels of nuts," said the old robber woman, who had a long beard, and eyebrows that hung over her eyes. "She is as good as a fatted lamb; how nice she will taste!" and as she said this she drew forth a shining knife, that glittered horribly. "Oh!" screamed the old woman at the same moment, for her own daughter, who held her back, had bitten her in the ear. "You naughty girl," said the mother, and now she had not time to kill Gerda.

"She shall play with me," said the little robber girl. "She shall give me her muff and her pretty dress, and sleep with me in my bed." And then she bit her mother again, and all the robbers laughed.

"I will have a ride in the coach," said the little robber girl, and she would have her own way, for she was self-willed and obstinate.

She and Gerda seated themselves in the coach and drove away over stumps and stones, into the depths of the forest. The little robber girl was about the same size as Gerda, but stronger; she had broader shoulders and a darker skin; her eyes were quite black, and she had a mournful look. She clasped little Gerda round the waist and said:

"They shall not kill you as long as you don't make me vexed with you. I suppose you are a princess."

"No," said Gerda; and then she told her all her history and how fond she was of little Kai.

The robber girl looked earnestly at her, nodded her head slightly, and said, "They shan't kill you even if I do get angry with you, for I will do it myself." And then she wiped Gerda's eyes and put her own hands into the beautiful muff, which was so soft and warm.

The coach stopped in the courtyard of a robber's castle, the walls of which were full of cracks from top to bottom. Ravens and crows flew in and out of the holes and crevices, while great bulldogs, each of which looked as if it could swallow a man, were jumping about; but they were not allowed to bark.

In the large old smoky hall a bright fire was burning on the stone floor. There was no chimney, so the smoke went up to the ceiling and found a way out for itself. Soup was boiling in a large cauldron, and hares and rabbits were roasting on the spit.

"You shall sleep with me and all my little animals to-night," said the robber girl after they had had something to eat and drink. So she took Gerda to a corner of the hall where some straw and carpets were laid down. Above them, on laths and perches, were more than a hundred pigeons that all seemed to be asleep, although they moved slightly when the two little girls came near them. "These all belong to me," said the robber girl, and she seized the nearest to her, held it by the feet, and shook it till it flapped its wings. "Kiss it," cried she, flapping it in Gerda's face.

"There sit the wood pigeons," continued she, pointing to a number of laths and a cage which had been fixed into the walls, near one of the openings. "Both rascals would fly away directly, if they were not closely locked up. And here is my old sweetheart 'Ba,'" and she dragged out a reindeer by the horn; he wore a bright copper ring round his neck and was tethered to the spot. "We are obliged to hold him tight too, else he would run away from us also. I tickle his neck every evening with my sharp knife, which frightens him very much." And the robber girl drew a long knife from a chink in the wall and let it slide gently over the reindeer's neck. The poor animal began to kick, and the little robber girl laughed and pulled down Gerda into bed with her.

"Will you have that knife with you while you are asleep?" asked Gerda, looking at it in great fright.

"I always sleep with the knife by me," said the robber girl. "No one knows what may happen. But now tell me again all about little Kai, and why you went out into the world.

"Then Gerda repeated her story over again, while the wood pigeons in the cage over her cooed, and the other pigeons slept. The little robber girl put one arm across Gerda's neck, and held the knife in the other, and was soon fast asleep and snoring. But Gerda could not close her eyes at all; she knew not whether she was to live or to die. The robbers sat round the fire, singing and drinking. It was a terrible sight for a little girl to witness.

Then the wood pigeons said: "Coo, coo, we have seen little Kai. A white fowl carried his sledge, and he sat in the carriage of the Snow Queen, which drove through the wood while we were lying in our nest. She blew upon us, and all the young ones died, excepting us two. Coo, coo."

"What are you saying up there?" cried Gerda. "Where was the Snow Queen going? Do you know anything about it?"

"She was most likely traveling to Lapland, where there is always snow and ice. Ask the reindeer that is fastened up there with a rope."

"Yes, there is always snow and ice," said the reindeer, "and it is a glorious place; you can leap and run about freely on the sparkling icy plains. The Snow Queen has her summer tent there, but her strong castle is at the North Pole, on an island called Spitzbergen."

"O Kai, little Kai!" sighed Gerda.

"Lie still," said the robber girl, "or you shall feel my knife.

"In the morning Gerda told her all that the wood pigeons had said, and the little robber girl looked quite serious, and nodded her head and said: "That is all talk, that is all talk. Do you know where Lapland is?" she asked the reindeer.

"Who should know better than I do?" said the animal, while his eyes sparkled. "I was born and brought up there and used to run about the snow-covered plains."

"Now listen," said the robber girl; "all our men are gone away; only mother is here, and here she will stay; but at noon she always drinks out of a great bottle, and afterwards sleeps for a little while; and then I'll do something for you." She jumped out of bed, clasped her mother round the neck, and pulled her by the beard, crying, "My own little nanny goat, good morning!" And her mother pinched her nose till it was quite red; yet she did it all for love.

When the mother had gone to sleep the little robber maiden went to the reindeer and said: "I should like very much to tickle your neck a few times more with my knife, for it makes you look so funny, but never mind—I will untie your cord and set you free, so that you may run away to Lapland; but you must make good use of your legs and carry this little maiden to the castle of the Snow Queen, where her playfellow is. You have heard what she told me, for she spoke loud enough, and you were listening.

"The reindeer jumped for joy, and the little robber girl lifted Gerda on his back and had the forethought to tie her on and even to give her her own little cushion to sit upon.

"Here are your fur boots for you," said she, "for it will be very cold; but I must keep the muff, it is so pretty. However, you shall not be frozen for the want of it; here are my mother's large warm mittens; they will reach up to your elbows. Let me put them on. There, now your hands look just like my mother's.

"But Gerda wept for joy.

"I don't like to see you fret," said the little robber girl. "You ought to look quite happy now. And here are two loaves and a ham, so that you need not starve."

These were fastened upon the reindeer, and then the little robber maiden opened the door, coaxed in all the great dogs, cut the string with which the reindeer was fastened, with her sharp knife, and said, "Now run, but mind you take good care of the little girl." And Gerda stretched out her hand, with the great mitten on it, toward the little robber girl and said "Farewell," and away flew the reindeer over stumps and stones, through the great forest, over marshes and plains, as quickly as he could. The wolves howled and the ravens screamed, while up in the sky quivered red lights like flames of fire. "There are my old northern lights," said the reindeer; "see how they flash!" And he ran on day and night still faster and faster, but the loaves and the ham were all eaten by the time they reached Lapland.

#the snow queen #Hans Christian Andersen #fairy tales

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