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five-thousand-loaves-of-bread · 1 year

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sometimes yes! do get frustrate and angry at parents of nonverbal/nonspeaking/minimally speaking autistic ppl/child when they don’t do enough for AAC.

when they so afraid AAC will replace or hinder/slow spoken mouth words (study show it doesn’t), they rather not give child access to alternative AAC communication *now* and bank on future chance that child will somehow develop mouth words in future magically.

or when they say “it so difficult so many responsibility so much effort & concentration & determination” as if their nonverbal nonspeaking child learning AAC themselves doesn’t take (even more) effort & concentration & determination or whatever. as if their nonverbal child isn’t frustrated to no end at not able to reliably communicate (whether they aware of people & communicate or not).

but even tho i angry i rage i want do bad things, i don’t go attack parents in their comment section, call them names, call them abusive, call them “don’t care about their child,” call CPS on them (yes people do that), etc. because it doesn’t help anyone involved, doesn’t help the parent understand more AND doesn’t help the autistic person under the parents care.

in fact it probably do more harm than good: it isolated parents from community, isolated parents from able to ask autustic people who was or are nonverbal, it makes parents resent autistic community and even their child because everytime they remind of autism they think attack.

parents are not victim of their autistic child, yes! it’s endlessly problematic when they make themselves seem like the most impacted the biggest victim who needs pity.

but parents are victims of different kind. they victims of ableist society that don’t care about disabled people. they victim of this society that doesn’t care to provide services and funding to help disabled people survive, live, gain skills, and thrive. many of these disabled people, especially disabled children, require caregivers. parents are victims of not enough respite care, not enough compassionate education and training, bad clinicians, etc. would even go as far to say that parents of autistic children/adults are victim of same/similar *social* forces of ableist society as autistic children and adults.

so many parents of autistic people isolated and tired and helpless, because society made them that way!! so many parents of autistic people do care about their child (in their own way). yes, there are martyr parents, yes, there are abusive parents, and yes, unfortunately some of these abusive parents are intentionally abusive.

by attacking and isolating all parents, you are isolating the autistic kids (and adults!!!!!!) under their care, many of whom cannot communicate (yet or ever), go online, self advocate, etc!! some autistic people need 24/7 care their entire life. you are doing a disservice to these very autistic people you are claiming to help.

by attacking and isolating all parents, the most you doing is self indulgent, release your own anger and then pat yourself on back thinking you did something. i’m really sorry many of us had abusive unsupportive parents and have intense trauma because of it (i do too!!!), but that doesn’t justify us project our trauma on every parent we see. it doesn’t mean every parent of autistic people out there responsible for our own trauma.

yes, even parents who “deserve it.” because our goal is to help the autistic person under their care.

it our own responsibility to keep our trauma in check and work on our own trauma.

we can be angry at our own parents. can be angry at parents do bad things say bad things, whether they intend to or not. i get very angry at many parents i see online and in research papers!!! but we all need learn when and who and how it is & is not appropriate to express that trauma.

yes, these parents are isolated and trying their best. sometimes their “trying their best” is questionable and even abusive and harmful. they deserve and NEED education and compassion and community. if not for them then for the disabled person under their care.

they also need take accountability for their actions and harm they did and ableism. even if they absorb that ableism and express in way they did because societal ableism and societal pressure and systemic problems.

AND at same time. it’s not responsibility of individual autistic people to educate and correct these parents on the misinformation and harmful and even abusive and vile thing they do and say. they deserve education and support, but it doesn’t have to be you.

but ultimately, attacking parents in their face doesn’t accomplish anything other than give yourself ego boost (and make yourself very, very angry).

if you can’t care about the parents yet, care about the autistic people under their care.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism #autistic #loaf screm #long post #very long post

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owlpellet · 5 months

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i always feel kind of performative reblogging tumblr posts about current events or other human rights issues because this is my silly little blog where i post silly little elf doodles and pictures of animals i see, and i can't reasonably be a good resource for news or insightful thoughts-- there are already good resources for those for which i could never be a stand-in. i don't follow news resources on tumblr because i get my news elsewhere, so the posts that do reach my dash are sparse and often already outdated.

but is there merit to performance? perhaps. it demonstrates who is and is not safe, who views you as a human being, if not in a way that lacks the ardent fervor of real activism. i don't think i'm a very good activist, but i try my best to be a good person, and i do want those who visit my blog to look at my silly doodles to know that I unequivocally stand with the people of gaza, of congo, of sudan, of north american tribes, of all indigenous people having their land stolen and their children kidnapped and their histories erased. i stand against antisemitism and the conflation of judaism with netanyahu's crimes. i stand against the war crimes of putin, but also the grotesque use of ukraine and its people as a prop for western political interests as a result. i stand with black and indigenous americans and their fight for systemic racial and environmental justice. i stand with the endless, ongoing effort of labor organizers worldwide to see those who keep our comfortable world rotating duly compensated. i stand with my disabled peers and their advocates, and against "ability" being a virtue. i stand with my trans siblings and our fight for recognition to simply exist.

i am sorry i am not a better resource. but i want to make my beliefs clear: this is a safe space for the marginalized, and i'm not here to play moderate just because i try to separate my hobbies from the distressing reality of living on earth under capitalism. do not assume because i am not a "political blog" that you can put your ugly thoughts in my activity.

enjoy the cat pictures and sad wet elves.

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kaija-rayne-author · 10 months

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Would you recognize an autistic or ADHD person if you saw one?

What about an autistic or ADHD fictional character?

Many of y'all will say, of course.

And you'll be wrong.

I'm not talking to hatched autistics and ADHDers. We can usually spot others like us and autistic/ADHD coded characters in fiction.

Definition: A 'hatched' autistic or ADHDer is someone who knows they're one or the other or both, AND they understand and accept that pretending to be neurotypical is bad for us.

It actually kills us, so, yeah, bad. The leading causes of death for autistics is unaliving or heart attack from the stress of living in a world that was most certainly not created for us. In some ways, this world is antithetical to us.

We also experience the stress of what's known as 'masking'.

Our average age of death is 36 years old. Think about that for a second. 36. And the rates of unaliving in autistic and ADHD kids is utterly obscene. The suicide watch for parents of autistic kids starts at 8 years old. 8.

(I don't say this for everything, but self-diagnosis is absolutely valid for autism and ADHD. In a world where people can still be institutionalized or lose their kids because of an autism diagnosis--this is fact for Britain and several US states. France is awful for autistics-- self diagnosis must be valid so we can figure ourselves out without endangerment.)

Masking is where a traumatized autistic (and I've also never met or even heard about an untraumatized autistic/ADHDer) will create a, persona, almost, that lets us function in the world.

It's rarely intentional, my youngest son started masking at 4 in pre-kindergarten because he wanted other kids to like him and want to play with him. Even though our home is very supportive of diversity, especially about autism and ADHD, y'all... he was *4*.

Being autistic and/or ADHD is so damned lonely. Especially if you don't know why you're different. So we do our best to adapt. That can cause issues.

Masking isn't meant as a lie. It's survival instinct. Because even though the world absolutely doesn't treat us like we're human beings, we still are. We want to survive and thrive as much as the next hominid. We have all the same needs and desires as any other human.

But what about the rest of all y'all? Can you recognize us?

Last week, a music teacher banned a 6 year old autistic kid from the school concert because 'they would ruin the experience for the other children' this is after making the autistic kid learn and practice the songs for weeks. 6 years old and that kid already has scars from discrimination about a genetic condition he can't help. It's cruel and so damned inhumane. At worst, the kid probably sang off key and maybe fidgetted a bit. But that would 'ruin' the concert. It's not the Estonian Philharmonic Chamber Choir, lady, it's an elementary school concert. It's absolutely not worth scarring that poor kid over. It also happened back in 2022, and again in 2017.

People will have seen 'Atypical' or 'The Good Doctor' or, gods forbid, Rainman and think they know what autistic people look like. (You should probably know that the majority of autistics loathe those shows because the rep is so bad.)

But here's the thing.

You can't see autism or ADHD. Not just by looking at us. It's purely a brain wiring difference. People don't even believe me when I tell them I am if they've seen me in person. And I'm professionally diagnosed as both autistic & ADHD.

Sometimes, there are co occurring issues, like intellectual disability, that are confused with autism, but they aren't actually the autism or ADHD part of things.

I'm an autistic and ADHD advocate. I have a consultant option on my Patreon for people who want advice either for themselves or so they do the right thing by their kids. I'm autistic/ADHD, my kids are too. I've been researching and learning about the topic for close to a decade at this point. I truly know what I'm talking about. I understand the different flavours and experiences of these two types of neurodivergency extremely well.

As an aside, while I have you here, ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) is never the right thing. You know how gay conversion therapy is bad? The same person (Ivar Lovass) came up with ABA, and it's meant to do the same thing. To torture people, most often children, into pretending to be what someone else wants them to be. It doesn't support or help the autistic person.

Almost unilaterally, ABA causes a PTSD breakdown of self coming into our 30s. I say almost, but I've never even heard of an autistic person who has been tortured by ABA who hasn't developed severe PTSD.

If you tried to use the methods used in ABA on a dog, you'd be guilty of extreme animal cruelty.

Yet, because it's practiced on human children, it's fiiiiine. Big money lobbying has even made it so that ABA 'therapy' is the only one covered by a lot of insurances.

We can thank Autism $peaks for that. They are a hate group. They fit every bit of the definition of one and then some. (So please don't donate to them at the till. They love to pollute stores like Toys 'R' Us.)

Adult autistics have been speaking out against them forever. But since most autistics (80%) are under or unemployed, we don't have the kind of financial sway we'd need to get rid of them. Yes, this even counts for 'the new ABA'.

You can't save ABA. Putting a 2 year old human child through 40 hours weekly of 'training' so that they can look and act neurotypical is just flat out torture. Making a child 'extremely hungry or thirsty' so that they will do what you want is torture. There's just no other way to slice that apple. It's rotten to the core.

But back to my point.

Recently, someone disagreed with my opinion on a fictional character. I feel the character is autistic/ADHD coded, the other person disagreed.

That's cool. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. And it's fiction, whatever. I'm not mad or upset. (I'm slightly insulted, because if you're not autistic/ADHD, [and a comparison they suggested made me think they definitely weren't] it's definitely not your place to disagree with one of us who says a character is autistic/ADHD coded. It's disrespectful and more than a little ableist. Simply because so many people have the completely wrong idea about both conditions.)

Regardless, the important part for a fictional character is that a person was able to see themselves in the character, to empathize with them. So it's not a big deal.

But it got me thinking about this.

Would most people recognize the subtle signs? They're almost always extremely subtle.

Ever hear of 'resting bitch face'? It's an incredibly common autistic trait because we either emote less or we emote differently than neurotypicals. In our world, it's known as 'flat face effect'. I have it, and I've been harmed many times because it looks like I'm pissed off even when I'm having a good time or I'm just deep in thought. I've got a firey temper, trust me when I say you'll know it when I'm pissed off.

So. You see a character (or even a person) who doesn't emote a lot? Or emotes extremely subtly? Wellll... that's a good clue.

So, X fictional character (or person) has odd or esoteric knowledge or hobbies. That's a good clue.

Are they nerdy or geeky in some way?

Most autistics and many ADHDers experience what's known as hyperfixation on special interests. Ever see someone get so fascinated by a topic or skill or activity that they get lost in it?

Forget to eat or drink?

Learn to do an obscure craft just because they wanted to know how it's done? That person is likely autistic or ADHD or both. It applies to fictional characters too.

Are they stand-offish? Many of us are for various reasons. One is that we're trying to figure out the 'rules' of wherever and whoever we're with.

Why all y'all insist on staring creepily at each others eyeballs is beyond me. I find it either too intimate, painfully so, or just ridiculous.

That quiet character (or person) who warms up slowly? There's a hint.

Another reason we tend to be cool with strangers is that ever present trauma thing. So many autists and ADHDers get to the point in life where we just don't have it in us anymore to keep trying to make social connections. A very common trait of both autism and ADHD is a lack of understanding of neurotypical social rules. And trust me, y'all have them.

Does the character or person fidget? Either subtly or more obviously?

It's called stimming. I had to learn to do it unobtrusively, so I'll suck air through my teeth (my dentist isn't impressed by this), circle my pointer finger around my thumb, tap the pad of each finger on my thumb in a rhythm, count silently to myself... the list is probably endless. I intentionally leave the cuticles on my thumbs rough, because I often rub the forefinger or ring finger of that hand over the rough cuticle as a stim.

Maybe they rotate their ring around a finger?

Play with their hair?

Stimming is something that calms us down and helps us regulate our emotions. (It's also one of the first things ABA robs us of. It's called 'quiet hands'.) It's really bad to deprive an autistic or ADHDer of stimming.

I used to click the button on a pen so much that I banned myself from having clicky pens because of how annoying it can be to others.

There are healthy stims and unhealthy ones. (Head banging is an example of an unhealthy stim.)

So a character or person who is just, always moving somehow? There's a hint. Or they're rhythmically moving a body part? Tapping fingers? Wiggling a foot or leg? Fussing with their clothing? Rocking?

Is the character or person 'a walking encyclopedia'? In other words, do they know a lot of information about either one or two topics or about many topics?

That character (or person) is often stereotyped as being a computer genius who can make any computer work just by looking at it for a few minutes. But it can honestly be any topic or combination of topics. That's another clue.

Many autists are almost hard wired to be painfully honest. Unless we've been traumatized into it, we tend to be shitty liars. I'm, unfortunately, a very good liar. It's not something I choose to do, because I don't want my trauma to change something so innate to me as my honesty. I had to learn to lie to survive. I don't recommend it.

Does the person or character truly believe in things like honour? Justice? Mercy? Peace? (Many neurotypical people will call these things social lies that keep the world working.) I'm talking a bone deep belief in honour etc. Are they a shitty liar?

I think I've blathered enough for now. I want to make it clear that I don't speak for all autistic and ADHD folks. I'm just one person attempting to share some of the more common traits with whoever wants to read about it.

A final thought.

Nothing can make someone autistic or ADHD. It's a genetic condition. Which is why so many parents find out they're autistic or ADHD when their kids are diagnosed. It's not more prevalent now, it's just that more people are learning about the actual parameters of it. Diagnosis is easier now than 50 years ago. It's been around since ancient Egypt and probably evolved as a way to keep the clan safe in prehistoric times.

We often have heightened senses. Sometimes we have what I call 'predator vision' which sounds awful but just means that my gaze is automatically drawn to movement. Our sleep cycles are also commonly very different than a neurotypical's. We probably ended up being people who would take night watch, stare at the stars for hours, or warn people when food has gone off so no one eats it.

I think we evolved right alongside neurotypicals because we're both needed for a successful society.

Many, many of the world's famed thinkers/creators are considered to have likely been autistic/ADHD based on records about them.

These people include:

Leonardo DaVinci

Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni

Nikolai Tesla

Albert Einstein

Thomas Jefferson

Charles Darwin

Emily Dickinson

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

William Butler Yeats

Vincent Van Gogh

Benjamin Franklin

People who are autistic or ADHD these days that you may not expect?

Dan Ackroyd

Darryl Hannah

Anthony Hopkins

Jerry Seinfeld

Eminem

Courtney Love

David Byrne

Wentworth Miller

Satoshi Tajiri (creator of Pokemon)

There are also many, many people who have shown autistic or ADHD traits and haven't confirmed or it's impossible to confirm because they're deceased and we don't have the right records.

It's considered a massive faux pas to assign a diagnosis of anything to a living human being. So everyone living I've listed has in some way confirmed it. There are many, many other people (especially in creative industries or hobbies) I believe are likely one or the other, but I wouldn't label. That's for them to do.

If you enjoyed this or learned something and you can, please consider a tip or becoming a Patron. My work of words is my only income.

Every historical person is just a 'likely' because we'll never actually know. All we can do is point at the exhibited traits via records and say, probably.

#being autistic #autistic things #actually autistic #autism #ADHD #actually adhd #autistic problems #autistic adult #autistic #late diagnosed autistic #late diagnosed adhd #fiction #fictional characters #fiction critique

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mezmer · 6 months

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Here I will explain why my blog banner describes me as an anti sugar activist. I try to be as "scientific" as my brain and heart allow, but I value my experience over scientific studies even if they support my view, huge ridiculous autist sugar post incoming

Sugar is highly addictive for most people. The problem is way more dire than we act like it is. Added to foods you wouldn't even think to include sugar. The link between sugar and obesity, endocrine disruption, general inflammation and malaise, disease, diabetes, your teeth rotting out, and even cancer, is undeniable no matter what articles or studies you try to dig up. not many people want to admit how bad it is. People who enjoy sugar, who might say "you only live once! It's not like I'm shooting heroin" suffer weird problems and assume it's something else. Children set up for a lifetime of failure because their parents don't pay attention to their sugar intake at all. I have a very drastic example of this I won't go into much detail about, but a set of parents close to me are feeding their daughter extreme amounts of sugar. She has a learning disability and is a very intense child. I've hinted at the sugar link and everyone is in denial.

I have baby sat this child and gotten her to eat organic wheat bread PB and J with a no sugar added, all fruit jam.. happily told her parents who did not care at all. It was such a feat to me. Everyone knows a picky child. It's worse than you think. This is a gateway drug and I'm totally serious. I said I would not go into great detail... I too was raised on welch's fruit snacks, "pancake syrup", sprite, Kool aid, and worst of all I was allowed to put as much sugar that I wanted into my tea. My parents were wonderful, they just didn't think or know how bad it was to do this

I've struggled with a sugar addiction before and since getting clean from drugs and seen the effects of it firsthand. The most obvious to be seen from the outside that I can make people believe is my struggle with acne. We know bacteria feeds off of sugar. This is why people who drink sugary drinks are at risk for UTIs. If bacteria enters their bladder, sugar makes it grow. Well no amount of washing my face, bentonite clay masks, washing my pillow cases, wearing a bonnet, would make the acne go away. Recently I tried to only eat a certain pint of ice cream thinking less sugar would help. It didn't and I'm over two weeks off of all sugar that isn't naturally occuring in honey and fruit. Crazy how natural sugar does not feed the bacteria and hormonal disruption. I've been in this cycle more than once. Not only does the acne go away, my face appears radiant every time. Breakouts as soon as I relapse. Maybe you are thinking, this is a bunch of hogwash and I eat little cakes often without a problem. That's fine. I know addicts who have used meth for 30 years and you wouldnt wonder much about them. Smokers who lived to 80. Sugar doesn't do me any good at all.

Neither my mom, who was just put on a medication with awful side effects because she is developing diabetes. Her doctor (doctor she's had for decades who is a total piece of garbage and prescribes dangerous cocktails of conflicting medications !! That's a whole other post!!!! Put my grandma on pills which nearly killed her! Plus other people HAHAHA) saw her coming up with high blood pressure, blood sugar, and cholesterol without thinking to suggest a diet change first. My mom is overweight and likes to eat sweets. My mom told me, I can still eat sweets, I just have to eat less. I did tell her that didn't work for me. I quit because I don't want to end up sick this way. Diabetes runs in our family. The prescription is making my mom nauseous and dizzy. Insane to me right?

Why aren't the dangers of sugar recognized? Why am I the only advocate I know? I would shut the fuck up if the dangers were believed by more people. Is it Because Sugar Taste good? Not seen as a vice. We accept that corn syrup is not so good. Canola oil pretty bad. Dyes in food causing children to develop ADHD and autism, or whatever. Is there no risk in consuming sugar? Many health professionals don't want to admit it? I feel strongly. I feel sick when I eat sugar but I can't find myself able to stop unless I truly try. We are all convinced that it's just a danger to your teeth if you don't brush enough. MIL is a sugar addict who buys birthday cakes on clearance and clears the whole cake in a few days, a twice daily flosser and brusher, who has lost over half of her teeth to extractions, sees the link, and has no intention to quit.

Finally, I bake yummy dessert recipes excluding half the sugar while using honey, maple syrup, brown sugar for what is left (which is slightly better than white sugar from my understanding) and I have never made a baked good that is ruined by doing this. You can't even tell that I've excluded sugar and the foods have more flavor because sugar doesn't overpower the dish. They don't make your teeth hurt. You can eat more cookies because there is less sugar and they taste better. The texture is the same. Bakers will tell you this isn't true and you need to use the whole amount of sugar so the cookies and cakes arent ruined. Yes, you need torched sugar on creme brulee. Fine.

Do you ever find yourself scraping icing off of a cake? I have baked more than one birthday cake for loved ones excluding sugar and adding natural alternatives (NOT stevia or monkfruit which taste like shit and suck) and ive gotten nothing but compliments. My brown sugar maple cake with cream cheese icing using very little sugar was a hit for my partners birthday that everyone probably ate too much of. This isn't a brag, it's an idea for anyone who bakes to try and change your recipes. It hasn't failed for me. Ok SOrry

#edit check notes

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thepro-lifemovement · 1 year

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Writer Sarah St. Onge knew her unborn baby girl did not deserve to be killed just because she was dying.

But again and again, despite her and her husband John’s repeated refusals, doctors asked if they wanted to abort their daughter Beatrix, according to the Christian Post.

“We don’t determine somebody’s ability to overcome something before they’re even born,” St. Onge told The Christian Post in a new interview. “There’s only so much that testing can do. But the bottom line is that it’s not my right to take someone else’s life. Nobody has the right to decide if somebody else should live or die.”

St. Onge, a conservative writer and pro-life advocate, said she and her family still grieve for the loss of Beatrix, who died in 2010 after living only 1 hour and 47 minutes outside the womb. She emphasized that her daughter’s medical condition did not make her life any less valuable.

Doctors first detected problems with Beatrix when she was only nine weeks pregnant, her mother recalled. At 12 weeks, St. Onge said they found excess fluid at the back of her neck and thought she might have Down syndrome.

Then, at 16 weeks, doctors discovered Beatrix’s abdominal wall had not formed properly and her organs partially were growing outside her body, according to the report. Another test also found that she probably had Trisomy 13, a genetic disorder that causes severe disabilities and can be fatal.

St. Onge said her daughter was described as “incompatible with life,” and a genetic counselor encouraged her and her husband to consider an abortion. They refused, but her doctors continued to suggest abortion even when she told them to stop.

At 26 weeks of pregnancy, Beatrix was diagnosed with Limb Body Wall Complex in which the organs develop outside the body, she continued.

Throughout the devastating ordeal, she said doctors did not seem to care about her wishes or her daughter’s life.

“When I brought doctors peer-reviewed studies detailing treatments for children with her disorder, & asked if we could try to save her, I was laughed at and called ‘tenacious,’” St. Onge said. “When … my water broke and I asked for steroids to promote lung maturity, I was told, ‘We don’t do that for babies who are just going to die.’

“At every turn, any effort which could potentially help my daughter was brushed off as me being overzealous and unrealistic,” she said.

Beatrix was born and died Dec. 12, 2010, and holding their baby girl was such a special time for St. Onge and her husband.

“It almost felt like there was nobody else in the world, just my husband, me and her, sitting in that room in the quiet,” she told the Christian Post. “She was beautiful and lovely, and it was good. It was all good.”

Far too often, abortion is portrayed as the most compassionate option in such situations. But St. Onge disagreed.

“Babies are not possessions,” she said. “They’re individual human beings. And part of being human is that we die. And the love that you invest in people before that point outweighs any pain and suffering that you feel when they leave.”

#prolife #pro life #pro-life #anti abortion #abortion #babies #life news

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animeandcatholicism · 2 years

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The Problem with pro choice and disabled people

So, I've been thinking about this for quite a long time and it's always smacked of just some terrible logic. The question boils down for the pro choicer when it comes to severely disabled people is if you can go up to a disabled person, look at them in the eye and audibly say "your existence causes you so much pain and discomfort it would be better if you had not existed in the first place both for you and society as a whole."

You might say that this is hyperbolic but, it isn't. It's the exact lines I hear from people who advocate for having people with Down's Syndrome both screened during birth and aborted. Because they'll never live a normal life or be a normal productive member of society, it's really a poisoned pill that pro aborts have swallowed.

It joins the ranks of the Nazis who euthanized the disabled for the common good, the Chinese who left their newborns to die of exposure either in obedience of the one child policy or wanting a son and not a daughter and really all people and groups who have deemed people's lives "unworthy" because of a set of arbitrary standards.

I mean, in the Middle Ages despite people having some crippling debilities both physically and mentally to simply off them was anathema and it really did value life in a way we as a larger society do not.

Also, before anyone says "religious conservatives don't care about the disabled except for having them around as talking points". I got the therapy I needed to succeed because of my paternal Grandmother who was a retired special ed teacher and fiercely conservative. My parents are essentially neo cons who cared for both their children who are ND, even when we were living on food stamps.

#pro life #abortion #rambling #politics #eugenics #nd #neurodivergent #personal

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prolife-problems · 2 years

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Ok so this is coming from someone who is very, very pro-choice, but I would like answers to a few questions, if you have the time. 1) If a woman is raped, why should she be forced to have the baby that is a reminder of a traumatic event. 2) many pro-lifers say that you can put the baby up for adoption, but never acknowledge how messed up the adoption and foster systems are, and if the baby doesn't get adopted, the chances get lower over time. Respectfully, Pro-Choice

Nice to meet you.

So, this isn't really a blog for debating, and I understand that you've already made up your mind. But taking your questions at face value:

the traumatic thing, rape, is no less traumatic because of abortion. i would be concerned about the ability of rapists (who usually know their victims) to hide the rape by forcing or coercing a woman to get an abortion. even if the baby is a reminder, and whether or not she chooses to raise the baby, it's not the babies' fault that their fathers were rapists. i cannot justify allowing the killing of young humans because of their family's sins.

the foster system is messed up, we acknowledge this. though babies that are born and put up for adoption do not go into the foster system. This is just one website, but: "At the Adoption Alliance the majority of those waiting to be who are adopted are aged from birth up to 2 years and the state of Texas roughly reflects the adoption figures reported by other states in that around 62% of babies put up for adoption are adopted within the first month after birth." https://adoption-alliance.com/2019/02/27/what-percentage-of-babies-put-up-for-adoption-are-actually-adopted/#:~:text=At%20the%20Adoption%20Alliance%20the,the%20first%20month%20after%20birth. Also, we cannot allow abortion INSTEAD OF fixing the foster system. That would be downright lazy.

Also, children who are already born? their parents can still rape each other. Also, kids can go into the foster system at any time. Your parents could be suddenly in an accident, or delve into addiction.

So, please take me seriously when I ask:

If a 4 year olds father rapes his mother, and now the sight of the toddler reminds her of the father that he looks like, would it be acceptable for the government to allow her to have the 4 year old put down?

If a 4 year old's parents die in a crash and they have no relatives, is it better to put them up for adoption or into a screwed up foster system, or better to take them to a doctor to be killed?

If your answer is yes, that's acceptable, then our difference of opinion is that I think young human lives have an inherent value and it is wrong to kill them, and you do not, and that is not something we can see eye to eye on. (However, i would hope that you are advocating as well for the government to remove laws about killing children.)

If your answer is no, that would not be acceptable, then where do we differ? The only place I think we can differ is that I think the unborn are people with inherent value who should not be killed, and you do not - or you think they are people with no value, or you think they are people with less value than a 4 year old.

If you think the unborn ARE people, but have no value, then I ask you to consider when, in the history of humans, deciding that ONE group of people is less valuable than others has ever ended well for society? Or ever been looked on well by the future?

If you think the unborn are NOT people, and therefore have no value, I'd ask you to consider what you consider a person, and to maybe check out these:

https://www.dkfindout.com/us/animals-and-nature/what-is-living-thing/

And if living, growing thing with own unique human DNA doesn't equal human to you, what does? Do you have a good definition of “person” that doesn’t exclude things like people asleep or in comas, people with disabilities, toddlers?

I want to be very clear. Rape is bad, and those who commit rape should be punished. It should be stopped. The foster care systems has issues, and we have the responsibility to stop that and stand up for children who need it. But I do not think that there is any societal problem that 1) justifies and 2) can be fixed by killing children. Do you?

#pro life #ask

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thelikesoffinn · 4 months

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What does a social worker do? At their job I mean. I thought they were mostly volunteers, you know, everyday-helpers without any specific knowledge? Because I can't really underatand how you know so much about trauma and coping and stuff, do you need that at work?

I'm sorry if it's dumb to asks, but we don't have social workers in my country, me thinks, so I'm really confused.

Ugh, straight to the heart, petal! How could you! (Jk ily all good I swear ❤️)

What a social worker does really depends on the country you live in. So I can't 100% narrow it down to a specific explanation because a social worker from the US, one from South Korea and I will all work really differently.

But, in most countries, at least a bachelors degree is needed to become a social worker. In my country specifically, it can be in social work, social paediatrics, social sciences (with limitations), sociology (with limitations), early childhood paediatrics, and paediatrics. Each of these courses essentially teach the same things with different focal points - social pediatrics will pay more attention to upbringing, education and such while social sciences are more focused on social sciences are more concerned about societies influence on the individual and so on. (Personally, I'm a huge advocate for social work as a major, btw. It combines social paediatrics, social sciences, paediatrics, and sociology, which gives you a well-rounded skill set.)

As for what exactly we do...well, that really really depends. On your country, as stated priorly, and then on the area you work in. In my country, social workers are basically everywhere.

We work in hospitals, hospices, retirement homes, and homes for the disabled and sanatoriums. We work in schools, kindergartens, and orphanages. We work in jails, courts, and police stations - both with victims and offenders. We work in offices where we do counselling for refugees, parents, pregnant people, couples, youths, elderly, those with debt, those with ailments, and those who just need help.

We're mediators, we're financial advisors, we're there to explain medical mumbo jumbo in simple layman's terms, we're there to find out why a teen doesn't want to go to school anymore, we're the people who carry abused children away from their abusive families, and we're there to make sure a victim isn't harmed further just because the police and the court can't be bothered to protect their boundaries.

So, as you can tell, it's pretty difficult to narrow down what exactly a social worker does because we pretty much do everything. Especially in my country, because we don't need extra licenses of anything.

Once you've got your bachelors degree, you can work in all those areas I mentioned, which obviously requires a pretty extensive education and knowledge in many different fields.

But the one thing all those areas have in common is the main question social workers run by.

"What does the individual need to live the life they want?"

So, in all those areas, we always listen to the individual - their wants and fears - and then take a good look at them - their history, the people around them as well as where they live and where they grew up. That is always in order to find out what resources the individual already has and which one we can still activate but also to see what is still missing so that the individual gets to live the life they want.

So, as an example, let's say we have... Thomas O'Malley. A dude in his mid-30s, recently released from jail. His charges read drug abuse and causing bodily harm while under the influence.

Now that he's out, he needs to find both a job and a flat, and he wants to get back into playing football. Jail helped him to get clean, but now that he's out, he's scared that he might relapse. And lastly, Thomas really wants to see his daughter Mary again, but his ex-wife Duchesse doesn't want him to.

As a social worker, we'd write that list down and then get to the questions to find out what resources Thomas already has. Maybe his brothers best friend owns an apartment building and is willing to rent one to him? And if he's scared he might relapse, is there anyone that would stay with him for a while so that he's not alone? At least until we can secure a buddy for him?

After that, we start to weave our own things into it. I'm going to make a pretty generic list down there so that you can imagine what it would look like:

1. Flat: Maybe rent from brothers' friend - call friend to find out what would be required.

2. Job: Call Mr. Jones from the Work Bureau so that Thomas is in their system so that potential employers can reach out to him. Also, since the client mentioned he has issues with writing a CV, contact Eric from the Job Bureau to hook him up with a free CV course

3. Football as a hobby - Contact Michael from the football association and ask about a trial session for their hobby league and what documents would be necessary to join

4. Relapse - Talk to Miss O'Malley, Thomas' parents, about staying with them until a buddy is available. Contact Miss Evernever from the BuddyProject to make sure Thomas is on their list and will be assigned a live-in buddy soon.

5. His daughter Mary - Contact either Miss Duchesse or her lawyer/social worker/whatever to find out why she doesn't want Thomas near Mary and what would need to happen before he's allowed to see her again and what middle ground can be found until then.

So as you can see, there's a lot of calling and e-mailing and all that stuff. Since i'm all about you helping yourself, I'd let the client do the calling themself as much as possible.

So if we stick with Thomas, I would let him deal with 1 - 3 himself - bar the CV course, because you mostly need to know someone to get into those easily, so I'd do that one - and I personally would do 4 and 5.

4 because it's often better if a "person of authority" makes such calls because it highlights a certain amount of pressure and serves as reassurance that the client actually wants that help and 5 because firstly, Duchesse herself may be more willing to talk to someone who's neutral, and secondly...well, if I talk to them first, I can make sure to phrase any information that is relayed to Thomas in a way that won't harm him, which mitigates the chance of a desperation-driven relapse.

That rundown is pretty much standard and can be shoved into any available area of social work. But of course, it's really only the very basic core of the job itself, and there's much more to it than just that. What exactly depends on where you're working and who you're working with. But I hoped this helped paint a picture for you!

#asks #it's harder to explain than I thought #but oh well

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connect2lutonuk · 9 months

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How Social Work Careers Foster Change

To promote neighborhood change in Luton, social work employment is crucial. By addressing inequality and social injustices, these people constantly work to improve the lives of the most marginalized elements of society. The most challenging issues facing society, such as poverty, substance misuse, domestic violence, and psychological health issues, are relentlessly pursued by social workers. Counseling, support, and access to other resources are provided to those in need so they can acquire the skills they need to overcome hardship and lead fruitful lives. In order to develop thorough plans for enhancing people's lives and the community as a whole, social work positions in Luton frequently collaborate with neighborhood organizations and governmental bodies. Social workers who exhibit empathy, expertise, and commitment to their profession personify the service attitude and create a lasting impression on the lives they touch.

A Comprehensive Guide to Social Work Careers

The spectrum of social work jobs in Luton is enormous, and each one has a distinct set of duties. These positions are crucial in bringing about constructive change in communities, assisting vulnerable people and fighting for social justice.

Child welfare is one area of social work that frequently comes to mind. Social workers in this sector are committed to safeguarding children's safety and wellbeing by preventing abuse and neglect of them. They may visit the child at home, work along with other professionals involved in the child's life, and offer suggestions for support or intervention services.

Mental health is a key component of social work. Social workers with expertise in this field offer counseling and assistance to people struggling with mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or trauma. They assist clients in overcoming challenging emotions, creating coping mechanisms, and connecting them to useful resources.

Another aspect of social work is community development. By tackling concerns like poverty reduction, access to healthcare and educational opportunities, affordable housing projects, and promoting community engagement, professionals in this discipline concentrate on enhancing the general well-being of communities.

Social workers are essential in helping the elderly and individuals with impairments. These experts make sure that vulnerable groups have the support they need to lead fulfilling lives, whether it be through assisting elders in finding appropriate care options or fighting for the rights of people with disabilities.

There are many other fields where social workers can make a difference, such as addiction recovery programs, working with refugees or immigrants, offering assistance during times of crisis like natural disasters, or even working within schools as counsellors or educational advocates for students facing difficulties at home. These are just a few examples of the areas of specialization available for social work jobs in Luton (and beyond).

No matter what area of social work you select in Luton, such as child welfare advocacy or mental health counseling, every day has the chance to significantly impact someone's life. Social workers actually promote good change within their communities by actively connecting with those who need care while advocating systemic change on bigger dimensions.

In Luton, there are Care Home Jobs available

Care and assistance for people who are unable to live freely are crucially provided by care home jobs in Luton. These residences provide a setting where people can receive the help they require while retaining as much of their freedom as possible.

For those who are kindhearted and want to improve the lives of others, there are several care home jobs in Luton that are open to them. There are chances for persons with a variety of skill sets and qualifications, from healthcare assistants to nurses and social professionals.

You can create deep connections with residents and their families by working in a care facility. By becoming a regular part of their lives, you may significantly impact them by offering both physical and emotional support.

You might help with personal care chores like getting dressed, bathing, or meal preparation as part of your job. You will also be in charge of keeping an eye on medication schedules and making sure that each resident gets the necessary medical care when it's needed.

An additional crucial component of working in a care facility is having the ability to offer companionship. An atmosphere that promotes pleasure and well-being can be created by having talks with residents, participating in activities with them, or just by being a reliable person.

Luton Education Jobs for Every Skill

In Luton, a bustling town known for its diverse cultures and vibrant businesses, there are a variety of exciting opportunities in the field of education. No matter if you enjoy fostering the brains of children or are an authority in a certain sector, you will discover a position that is ideal for you waiting to be filled.

For those with good interpersonal and communication skills, teaching positions are numerous throughout Luton's educational institutions. There are many options, from primary schools where you may cultivate a love of learning and stimulate curiosity to secondary schools that promote critical thinking and personal growth. To encourage pupils to feel joy and self-expression, think about choosing a profession in music or the arts education. if you have a creative bloodline.

You might possess abilities that go beyond what you would learn in a conventional classroom. Rest easy! More than only teaching is available in the field of education in Luton. Take an active position as a mentor who enables people to thrive both academically and personally, or develop your skills as an academic adviser who supports students in achieving their goals. People with a flare for organization and administration can use school leadership roles to affect the future of education in nearby schools.

People with every background and skill set imaginable can find jobs in education in Luton, whether they are experts in technology or mathematics. Why not now? Join our thriving community to help us create bright futures one thought at a time!

#education jobs luton

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littlewalken · 1 year

Text

Ap 24

So many things I could blog about but I don't want to and would rather turn my focus to more useful things.

Or at least tell y'all to get over to the rescue kitten cams because the oldest of 4+ litters each about a week apart are entering the lay in their back and swat stage. I assure you that is the beginning of pure head tilting awe as they learn how to play with each other and fall down a lot.

Then the crab puffs will come.

Today I am opting for doing laundry rather than a limited to 30 minutes conversation with an "advocate" to help us find a new place to live. And people want to tell me I don't have autism.

Our conditions are simple- 55+ only (allows disabled people who are a bit younger but not children) and a reasonable price for a background check without one time fee scams and shit. Otherwise we'd be making plans to live by the one mall.

But definitely no fucking kids.

I'll just say it's the parents and how they raise them then problem kids become problem teens who have problem kids of their own.

~insert screaming brat at red light story or almost boot to the head one here~

Self, you need to read some of the books you've hoarded. Did a good job on the file conversion, just a few more, but in the mean time you can start editing.

Let's look at the paper commonplace book as a combination bathroom reader and turn a random page to find something interesting or inspiring book.

I wish I had a friend to come over and help me learn how to organize, that is something I really feel like the rest of the school had a class on when I was out sick or scared I was going to be bullied extra hard.

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lawassociate45 · 1 year

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Vancouver Baby Help Lawyers Disabled Youngsters And Baby Assist

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We might help you to understand your insurance coverage policy, gather proof to show your incapacity, and symbolize you in discussions with the insurance company. At the Preszler Injury Lawyers, we know the way to get you the advantages you deserve. There are many alternative causes of disabilities that will end in an individual making an attempt to assert incapacity benefits. Sometimes, disabilities are the outcome special needs lawyers of a serious accident, both on the job, at residence, or on non-public property. In different cases–and extra commonly–disabilities are the end result of situations or sicknesses, similar to diabetes, coronary heart disease, stroke, cancer, continual pain, or even a psychological health disorder. Income earned by a testamentary spousal trust can be taxed as income of the spouse or as earnings of the trust.

Kate is an experienced legal assistant and commissioned Notary Public, who handles a lot of our deed research, drafting and recording, as nicely as serving to out with administrative matters. Charlene is our receptionist and workplace manager; she handles all scheduling and correspondence, and administers our upkeep plan. Strike & Phillips LLP offers authorized help within the areas of Real Estate Law, Wills & Estate Law and Corporate Law. Our expertise and experience will help to keep you secure from all attainable authorized issues. So I needed to point out that underneath the copyright act that there may be a provision if the taping is required as an lodging measure that was permissible. Let’s go to the Supreme Court of Canada and let’s see how they resolve that and backed down.

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When this happens, mother and father now not retain the authorized authority to make choices for their children. Guardian Advocate proceedings allow a family member or caregiver of a person with developmental disabilities to accumulate legal authority to act on the individual’s behalf. Can help you in determining whether or not Guardian Advocate proceedings are wanted on your member of the family with developmental disabilities. As our growing older population continues to grow, increasingly more families are faced with powerful questions regarding their incapacitated members of the family. Guardianship is a legal proceeding that protects incapacitated persons and their property by transferring all or sure rights from them to someone who is healthier suited to look after the person’s bodily and monetary needs.

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In her spare time, Leanne advocates for youngsters with special needs and devotes her power to volunteering for disability-related charitable causes which might be near her coronary heart. Provincial law defines a dependent youngster as a child who cannot assist him or herself. However, the law states that if a child is sick or has a disability that prevents him or her from becoming impartial, the kid will proceed to receive special needs trust lawyers assist funds. Lastly, and presumably most significantly, Alberta authorities officials have indicated that an RDSP plan (up to $200,000.00) is not going to result in the disabled individual being minimize off from their Aish benefits. A mother or father can name an individual to administer the RDSP within the case of a disabled grownup beneficiary with a mental incapacity.

Even if therapy suppliers warn that the varsity setting isn't acceptable, working parents are often left with no other possibility, she says. After the age of 18, youngsters with autism and other disabilities are now not funded to attend sure therapy centres. But since they're entitled to attend public college till special needs lawyer the age of 21, the people go to excessive school, solely to search out their challenges supercede the school’s capability to serve them. So although prior to age 18 a parent was the guardian of such a disabled child and was able to give consent, after the age of 18, they no longer have that legal authority.

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your-dietician · 2 years

Text

‘His father enjoys having control’: My friend’s dad forced him to open a bank account in both their names, and confiscated his state I.D. What can he do?

New Post has been published on https://medianwire.com/his-father-enjoys-having-control-my-friends-dad-forced-him-to-open-a-bank-account-in-both-their-names-and-confiscated-his-state-i-d-what-can-he-do/

‘His father enjoys having control’: My friend’s dad forced him to open a bank account in both their names, and confiscated his state I.D. What can he do?

I have a friend and family member who recently turned 21. For the past few years, he has worked full time. His father is a very controlling man who doesn’t work and lives off of food stamps, his wife’s disability checks and handouts from his mother-in-law.

He has kept my relative and his other children out of school on the pretense of “homeschooling” them, but does little to do so. My 21-year-old relative does not have a high-school degree equivalency, and it doesn’t appear that any of his siblings will either.

“‘He has kept my relative and his other children out of school on the pretense of “homeschooling” them, but does little to do so.’”

When he started working, his father made him put his paychecks into an account with both of their names, and arranged it so that my relative couldn’t withdraw the money unless his father agreed to it. His father has also, until recently, held onto all of his essential documents (birth certificate, Social Security card, state I.D., etc.).

My relative was kicked out of his father’s house recently, and is now living with another family member. Up until recently, he was under the impression he could not have access to his money because he didn’t have a state I.D., so he recently acquired one.

But when he got his I.D. and then went to the bank to check out his money, he was told his father would have to sign a document agreeing to give my relative control over his own money.

We already know that his father won’t do that. His father enjoys having control, and says he has to keep control over the money so his son won’t “waste it.” It also appears that his father can remove the money at will, regardless of whether my relative wants to or not.

How can my relative get control over his own money? As we see it, it is just not right that a man who hasn’t worked in decades can just have the money my relative worked so hard for.

Concerned Family Member

Dear Concerned,

If your friend’s father still has minor children and they are being kept home from school and similarly controlled, you and/or he should contact the police.

More people need friends and family like you. Your friend only needs one person in his life to advocate for him, and you are that person. He may also be entitled to free legal aid. But he needs to deal with the financial and practical matters first — ownership over his own bank account — before moving onto the longer-term recovery from a lifetime of manipulation and emotional and financial abuse.

Once you name it — domestic abuse, financial abuse — your friend will have a handle on his situation and see it from the outside. He is no longer helpless. The most immediate action he needs to take is to ensure that his salary goes into a new account. He can talk to the bank about his own access to this account, and find out what rights he has to withdraw his own money.

This is a disturbing series of events, and they are hard to read. It’s the reverse of the usual elder financial abuse, which affects up to five million people in the U.S. every year and robs people of their dignity, agency and humanity. In this case, your friend’s father has taken control of your friend’s bank account. But he has been under his father’s thumb since he was a child.

“Taking his son’s Social Security card and state I.D. is a physical and symbolic act of psychological imprisonment. ”

His father used “homeschooling” as a ruse to infantilize him by making sure he did not have a strong social network outside of the family home, and ensuring he did not have the benefit of a good education. Your friend needs you, a therapist to help free him from the psychological bondage that has plagued him his whole life, and support from an organization that helps people who have been subjected to financial control.

Your friend may also wish to pull his credit report to make sure that no loans or bank accounts have been taken out in his name and, assuming there is no fraud, it may be wise to freeze his credit report. If there is fraud on his account, he would need to file a police report. It does happen. This woman’s identity was stolen when she was a child and, at 19. The perpetrator racked up $500,000 in credit-card debt over her lifetime — and it turned out to be her own mother.

Yes, your friend is an adult. Yes, he willingly agreed to add his father to the bank account. But his self-confidence and self-belief have been slowly eroded. Taking his son’s Social Security card and state I.D. is a physical and symbolic act of psychological imprisonment. However, these things can be replaced. The good news: Your friend is holding down a job and living independently, and is no longer beholden to his father for a roof over his head.

Your friend is not a child. Every person has a right to make their own decisions about their finances and their life.

My stepdaughter’s mom stole her identity. She leased an apartment and took out credit cards in her name — what can we do?

Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

By emailing your questions, you agree to having them published anonymously on MarketWatch. By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Co., the publisher of MarketWatch, you understand and agree that we may use your story, or versions of it, in all media and platforms, including via third parties.

‘I have no guilt’: My stepfather will leave me his $1 million home. How do I protect my inheritance from his two biological children?

‘I spend $600 a month taking women out for dinner and drinks’: Does the man always have to pick up the check on a first date?

My brother pays my mother’s mortgage and co-owns her home. How can I ensure that my other sibling and I each inherit 1/3 share?

Read the full article here

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rembrandtae · 4 years

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i just want to remind everyone outside of poland (if any of you actually care) that the recent abortion ban is not the first attack on women’s rights. the “black marches” against the new abortion laws have been organized for past five years because the subject has been brought up multiple times, usually as a cover up for new laws the government wanted to push through without the attention from polish gp which is, in my opinion, the most disgusting act, using an issue so emotional and sensitive for so many people just so that people wouldn’t look at their hands.

a few weeks ago polish government decided to withdraw from the istambul convention whose main objectives are to protect women from tradition-based domestic abuse. even with this document being signed, polish women were suffering from domestic abuse in silence with no help from the authorities or other family members.

throughout their governing, the current leading party has been in on a war against anything that might “threaten the traditional christian family values.” that means calling lgbtq+ folks a facist (or neo-bolshevik, depending on their mood) ideology, not people, refusing to introduce sexual education at schools (spreading the false information about it sexualizing children and exposing them to pedophilia,) mocking and demonizing feminism and gender studies, calling it an ideology, too.

two female pro-life activists, kaja godek and zuzanna wiewiórka, have been recognized and supported by the government. the first one is advocating for a total abortion ban, especially when the pregnancy is the result of rape. the second one was awarded by the ministry of justice for violating a teenage gril’s privacy, expoisng her unwanted pregnancy to her parents. the girl wanted to have an abortion, and wiewiórka posed as a pro-choice activist ready to help her find a safe way. instead, she forced the girl to go through the pregnancy and, allegedly, domestic violence.

a far right politician, janusz korwin-mikke, who is also in the european parliment, is widely known for his mysoginistic views, saying that women are less intelligent than men, that “you always rape a little” and other disgusting things i do not want to write down.

the new mp of education and academia has said that women should be married and have childern before they’re 30, and then they can think about their careers, that lgbtq+ folks are not equal to “normal people,” and that there is no time to think about human rights at the moment.

the access to abortion, even before the recent ban, was always difficult. most of the doctors had the right to refuse to perform the surgery, the social stigma was always unbearable. furthermore, there has never been any access to the day-after pill. the contraception in poland is a very sad joke. thousands of women are scared of having kids because they might lose their jobs. and the government does not care about the women nor the children after the pregnancy. if the child is born disabled, there is no help from anyone except good-willed people. if the mother does not have enough money to raise a kid - there is no help from the authorities that are so loud about protecting the unborn lives. there is practically no access to any psychological help in case of miscarriage, seeing a child’s death, raising a disabled baby. and foster care or orphanages? the government does not give a single fuck about these places, the conditions of these institutions, and people that live there.

we, polish women, folks with uterus, have been disrespected, mocked, humiliated and uncared for by the government and by the thriving mysoginy in this country. and we are angry.

petitions don’t work, what you can do if you care enough to help is spread awarness about what we’ve been going through, demanding a statement about the issue from your authorities because what can help is international pressure. they are stripping us of our basic rights, and even though i am angry, i am also very scared of the future.

please, don’t look away.

and to my polish friends,

***** *** nie możemy dać tym gnojom wygrać

#poland #polska #piekło kobiet #abortion #abortion ban #abortion law #strajk kobiet #jestem załamana tym wszystkim

2K notes · View notes

nerdygaymormon · 2 years

Note

I need a bit of advice. I'm hoping to become an active advocate for the LGBT+ community within the Church, as I feel like the Lord has pretty much given me this as a calling. I wasn't to treat it seriously as a calling and try to do real, substantive work. However, I'm not certain how to start, and I'm scared of what will happen when I my extended family eventually finds out. They already struggle with me being disabled, what will happen when they find out I'm unrepentantly queer? Furthermore, I want my mom (who I live with and depend on) to be an ally to me, and she seems willing, but also scared of the reaction. She's also very lonely and I don't want to isolate her any more than she is by siding with me. Is my time not come yet? Is there something I should wait for? Are there things I need to do to prepare for the fallout? Should I tell my mom not to support me? I really appreciate you <3

The shade! "I wasn't to treat it seriously as a calling and try to do real, substantive work."

It's true a number of callings at church can be lacking much substance or done in a haphazard, hit or miss approach.

—————————————————————

In regards to your mom, usually your gut will guide you right. If you feel she'll be an ally, that's probably true. If you feel like it's dangerous to tell her, then there's a good chance that's true.

One way to test the waters is to bring up that you have a friend who came out as queer (lesbian, trans, etc) and you're glad they finally felt they could tell others. See what her reaction is. I do know that a parent almost always prefers to learn about something like this directly from their child rather than second-hand from someone else.

Your mom may find a new community to interact with and develop friendships with, online groups like Mama Dragons or Lift+Love, or even other parents in your ward and stake who have queer children. Coming out may make her life less lonely if she chooses to become an ally and engage with others.

One thing about coming out is you suddenly have a voice. Things you couldn't say before now can be spoken. Once you're out to your mom, you can tell her of this strong impression to help other LGBTQ+ people at church. You can let her know you want to be out to people at church.

You asked if there's things you can do to prepare or something you should wait for. The main thing is since you rely on your mom, you don't have to put yourself in danger if you think she'd respond negatively. However, my observation is when a person is wanting to come out and it thinking about it a lot, it's their time. It takes a lot of courage to do, there's never the "perfect" moment, and there's multiple ways to do it. Most queer people manage to come out and that's proof that we're a brave people.

----------------

As for your extended family, what happens if/when they find out? Do they have such influence over you and your mother's life that they could make life difficult? If it's mostly you see them at family functions, the first time or two after they find out may be awkward, but usually people adjust and life moves on.

Last week someone told me that his approach to coming out to friends, extended family, and co-workers is he tells them what sort of reaction he wants from them and doesn't give them the chance to make it about themselves by asking what they're thinking or feeling. For example, "I have something important I want to share with you because I know you'll react in a positive, affirming way. I'm gay and it's an important part of who I am, and since we're friends I wanted to be sure you knew this about me."

----------------

There is so much work to be done for LGBTQ+ people at church. You'll have to figure out with the Lord what you're to do.

For most such work, you'll have to come out as queer or as an ally. As scary as that is, it gives you power.

You can choose to tell people individually. If you want to come out to a wider group, you could make a post on social media, you can mention it in class. Once people know you're friendly to queer people, they will tend to find you.

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You're phrase that you're "unrepentantly queer," I like that. There's nothing to repent of simply because you're queer. I'm glad you know this.

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You're approaching an inflection point, which is an event that results in a significant change in your path & progress. Change involves risk and that can be uncomfortable. I wish you all the best.

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adhd-hippie · 3 years

Text

FUCK ABELISM

Things I experienced today as a Special Education Paraeducator

1. I told one of the people that I work with that I'm really grateful that the teaching certification program I'm going to is only 1 year because I couldn't have done another 2 years of college, I barely made it through my BA which took me 6, and that I had to do another 2 I'd have dropped out. She insisted that I'd have been fine.

So, I reminded her that I have ADHD and that doing my BA was extra hard because of my ADHD. I explained that I was changing majors all the time as well as schools. She told me "all young people do that," I told her I attended college between the ages of 20 and 26 much older than your average student. She repeated that it wasn't my ADHD it was just because I was young.

She's wrong, it absolutely was due to my ADHD, you don't repeat classes because you don't understand the course work just because "you were young" you also don't impulsively change schools because you're tired of the one you're at because "you were young." You also don't almost flunk classes because you couldn't do your final paper because it was too much work in one chunk and you waited too long to get started because "you were young"

Like fuck off Karen (that's her actual name) and shut the hell up your opinion has no bearing on my lived experiences.

2. Same bitch insisted that the kid with CP whom I've been working with for 4 months couldn't have deliberately refused to eat solid foods until I informed him that his mom told me he could eat solids and I would no longer be blending his food because "his brain doesn't work like that, he's not capable of premeditation".

Like really Karen, REALLY. Because first of all Cerebral Palsy is a PHYSICAL disability and while some people with CP do have cognitive disorders there is nothing in this student's file to indicate that he does. Not to mention that while he's not capable of speech he is completely capable of following directions and answering grade-level reading questions.

So you're telling me that a 3rd-grade boy didn't think he would get away with not chewing (something that's physically challenging but important for him to do) as long as he could because he had a new teacher who didn't know better just because he has a PHYSICAL disability? That's what you're telling me?

3. Overheard her comparing her Autistic nephew to Rainman and talking about him as if he was 10 when I asked how old he was she informed me he's 47.

This bitch is getting a teaching degree with a special education endorsement, she wants to teach Special Education...like WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK!

She seems to think that because she works in sped and likes kids with special needs she'll make a good special education teacher but no bitch FUCK NO!

You can't just like special needs kids, you have to ADVOCATE for them, you have to treat them as EQUALS, you have to respect their autonomy, and you have to see them as INDIVIDUALS capable of complex thought and motivations.

Just fuck you, Karen, no wonder kids hate school, and no wonder adults leave special education with horror stories if this is the kind of mother fucking cunt getting teaching positions.

Sidebar: This absolute fuck nugget always acts like I'm some kind of whiny ass child for talking about my ADHD because I relate ADHD to everything because you know, ADHD kinda affects every fucking part of my fucking life, like ya know fucking A DISABILITY.

Also, she constantly reminds me she's been working with special needs kids for 15 years. Yet fails to acknowledge or respect that I've been working with special needs kids longer. You see I've been working with autistic kids SINCE I WAS 11.

I started as a recess companion for an Autistic kid in another class in my elementary school (the school I now work at). I would walk with him at recess and make sure he stayed on school grounds so he could pace and stim as needed.

In Jr. High and High School, I was a TA in the Sped classrooms. In Jr. High I also started babysitting for a family with two Autistic boys, soon I was babysitting for 4 different families with Autistic children. This went on for TWENTY YEARS until the kids were self-sufficient enough to no longer require babysitters or even caregivers.

I then went to work as a representitive payee, working with cognitively disabled adults helping them to manage their SSI, making sure they were budgeting getting their food, paying rent etc. That was 2 years of my life. The last two years have been spent going to school to get my teaching certification in special education while working as a para in special education.

All told I have roughly 25 years of experience working with people with disabilities of all ages, yet for some reason, this woman can't respect me.

Like is it because I only have 2 years as a para? Is it because I took the faster cheaper route to do the same thing you're doing slower and paying more for? Like what is it bitch, what the fuck is wrong with me that you don't respect me as a disabled adult who knows some shit about working with people with disabilities?

I HAVE LITERALLY LIVED MY LIFE IN THIS WORLD why doesn't that count for anything?

#abelism #rant #tw abelism #autism #cerebral palsy #education #teaching #para educator #para #para pro

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