#sorry for the sarah scene at the beginning it was necessary for plot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ghostbustermelanieking · 5 years

Text

phantom weights chapter four

one, two, three

season 11, post my struggle iv. part of my series that i write as i rewatch the x files.

Summary: In the wake of their second encounter, Mulder, Scully, and Jackson reconnect (both by accident and on purpose).

---

Things may have slowed down in Jackson's life, may have seemingly stopped being dangerous, but he still found himself jumpy and paranoid. Still found himself worried about the few people in his life, that they were in danger. He checked the news in and around Farrs Corner every now and then, searching for any crimes popping up near or around where Mulder and Scully lived—they were definitely great for money and things like that, no matter how awkward his encounters with them were, but usefulness wasn't worth getting them or the kid killed. He kept an eye on the nationwide news, looking for any activity similar to the activity of the assassins they'd sent after him, or activity of kids like him. (He'd thought about the little grave in San Diego a lot, the little girl named Emily, wondering if he had more siblings out there like her. The idea frankly made him furious, of more kids like him subject to exploitation, more exploitation of Dana.) He got extraordinarily nervous when there was a series of break-ins two buildings down from him, until it was revealed to be a disgruntled handyman. He used fake names a lot when he was out with friends and played it off as a stupid prank, and he was very careful when meeting Sarah, on the rare times that they met.

His relationship with Sarah was messy, messier than it had been before—which seemed unreal, considering what an asshole he had been. Sometimes, she would say she was too busy to meet him with a rushed text, offering excuses about her pissed-off parents and her suspicious little sister. And she seemed pissed off herself when he insisted on trying to hide. "I want a normal boyfriend," she'd say irritably, "not some fucking shadow who spends all his time hiding." And he would have to struggle not to snap at her, to tell her that he had never been normal. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, to hurt her anymore than he already had. (He was still wracked with guilt over the incident on the Chimera, not to mention the fact that he cheated on her and Bri both. He still felt horrible about all of it, and equally horrible about ghosting Brianna, but her parents were even stricter than Sarah's, if that was possible, and he couldn't stay with them both. He felt guilty for even staying with Sarah, after everything, but he felt like he didn't have a choice. She was one of his last links to his old life, and he couldn't let that go. He was terrified of being alone.)

Sarah seemed constantly pissed off at him now, and not just about the aliases. She seemed on edge the few times they talked on the phone; she was dodging his texts, to the point where he stopped calling and texting. He didn't want to be the jerk anymore. He tried to just enjoy the time that he got with her. But he could sense the tremors in their already fragile relationship, could sense what was coming before it happened, almost like shockwaves in an earthquake. When he got a call from her one day in July, her contact photo a picture of the two of them last New Year's making goofy faces into the camera, it sent a wave of dread through him that probably wasn't supposed to accompany a call from your girlfriend.

He answered anyway. "Hey, babe," he said, trying his hardest to sound cheerful. "What's up?"

She was silent on the other end. He could hear her breathing, uncertain and awkward. And then she said, "Jackson, we have to talk."

He leaned forward, his forehead against the wall of his shitty kitchen. It was totally pathetic, but he suddenly wanted to beg her not to do it, tell her that he needed her to keep him grounded. But he didn't say that. He said in that same falsely cheerful voice, "What it is?"

Sarah took a deep breath. "Look, babe, it's…" There was some clattering, a voice on the other end, and then the sound of her yelling: "It's just someone from school, Mom!" Jackson grimaced at the cacophonous sound. "Sorry," Sarah said softly into the phone. "It's just been crazy since the break-in, we're all crammed into a tiny fucking hotel room, and I'm sitting in the fucking bathtub right now…"

His head shot up, nearly hitting the side of the fridge. "Wait-wait-wait," he blurted, waving a hand like he was scrubbing at the air, trying to scrub away the awful words. "There was a break-in? Somebody broke into your house?"

"Yes," said Sarah, annoyed. "Last weekend, some jackass completely ransacked the place…"

"W-why?" he stammered, cold sweat breaking out on his hands. Goddamnit, he'd been so careful, and it still wasn't enough. How the hell could he do this, not take preventative measures to protect Sarah? "What were they looking for, what did they steal?"

"That doesn't matter, Jackson. Listen…"

"Was it someone looking for me? W-were they coming for you, because of…"

"Jesus, Jackson, no! Not everything is about you," she hissed, trying to be quiet and clearly failing. "Look, I think it's time for us to end this, okay? After the break-in, my parents can't afford to send me to Richmond for expensive music lessons anymore, so there's no way for us to see each other, anyway."

He was dumbfounded, speechless, torn between trying to talk her out of it and supporting it simply for her own protection. What if the burglars had been looking for her, what if they'd only stolen things to cover their tracks? He didn't want to lose anyone else, but if he held on, he might really lose her. And he couldn't force her to stay with him if she didn't want to. "Babe…" he began in a soft voice.

"Look, Jackson, this is the right thing to do. We've both felt it coming. Don't try to tell me you haven't, okay? We've been growing apart for months." He could picture her on the other end, sitting in the tub with her socked feet up on the lip, twirling a curl around one finger as she talked. "It's not fair for us to hold each other back, not when there's other people out there. I hope we can still be friends…"

"Babe, did they catch the guy he robbed your apartment?" he asked, because he was still thinking about it. Even after dumping him, they still might come for her.

Sarah sighed with exasperation. "Seriously? We can't even have a mature conversation?"

"This isn't immature, Sarah!" he snapped, finally losing his composure. "They killed my parents, you know they killed my parents! And they could kill you, too, if they think you're my girlfriend."

"Well, I'm not," she said in a sharp voice. "I'm not your girlfriend anymore."

He winced, his head falling forward again. It was for the best, but he couldn't stand it, he couldn't stand it. "Please," he said softly, "please just tell me if they caught the guy, Sarah, please…"

"They didn't, okay?" she said, and she sounded like she was crying. "I'm sorry about your parents, Jackson. I'm sorry about… all of it. But you can't worry about me anymore. I'm not your concern."

He thumped his head against the wall lightly: once, twice. "Okay," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

"You be careful," he told her, suddenly stern. "Be careful, and be safe, and…"

She hung up abruptly, leaving him sitting alone in the dark and the quiet. He let the phone drop on the tile with a clunk. That was it, he thought. Everything from his old life gone, and maybe for the better. Maybe for the better.

He didn't know if he could have contact with anyone now, get close to anyone. And a new thought was building up in the back of his mind: what if they came for the baby? If the baby was around him… what if they came for the baby? What if they came for all three of them, because of him?

(If the baby turned out to be like him, then there might be no protecting the three of them. But he couldn't let anything happen to them and it be his fault. He couldn't risk it. He didn't know what he could do about it, but he knew he couldn't risk it.)

---

Jackson had it decided by the next morning. He would distance himself from his new friends as much as he possibly could, to protect them. And he'd distance himself from Mulder and Scully. It wouldn't be hard, considering what a distance there was between them already, considering how his last encounter with Scully had gone. He would just have to start dodging their calls and making up excuses, to let them down easy, as hard as that would be.

In theory, he could keep them at arm's length, and tell himself determinedly that they were not his parents (because they weren't), but in practice, it was much harder. He was connected to them in a way he never had been to anyone else, and he could always feel the waves of their emotion when he talked to them: their guilt, their grief, their caring, their earnest hope. It was hard to turn that away. He thought that it might've been easier if they were assholes, but they didn't seem to be assholes. They seemed to genuinely care.

But he knew that he had to start being more careful, for everyone's own safety if nothing else. It was decided the night Sarah dumped him; he had to do this, and so he was going to do it, and do it right. He was going to start first thing the next day.

Within a few days of barely talking to his friends and not talking to his birth parents, though, there was already a hitch in that plan. Jackson's landlord showed up at his door and informed him that the apartment building was being fumigated this week. "We have an infestation of cockroaches on your floor, and we don't know how extensive it is," he said. "Do you have anywhere else to stay this weekend, William?"

Jackson winced automatically when the landlord called him that. It'd been dumb to sign the lease William, both because it was kind of an asshole move towards Mulder and Scully, and because he could barely stand to be called it. (He flinched every time the landlord called him that, to the point where he suggested a nickname. "Do you go by Will? Bill? Billy?" he'd asked, and that'd only made things worse, because it made Jackson think about that blog entry he'd written a while back where he called himself Billy. At the time, he'd done it just to distance himself from one of the stranger episodes in his shitty life, make it feel like it happened to someone else; he'd had no idea his name used to be William.) "Uh, I guess I can find somewhere," he said. "I have to be gone the whole weekend?"

"Just Friday to Sunday," said the landlord. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. You think you'll be okay with somewhere to stay?"

Jackson rubbed at the back of his neck. "Yeah, I'll be good," he said, which might've been a lie. He couldn't stay with Mulder and Scully for obvious reasons, and he didn't want to risk staying with any of his friends. He could probably get a hotel, albeit a cheap one. "Thanks for letting me know."

---

Jackson had to work several shifts right on top of each other the next couple days, to the point where he actually forgot to book a hotel. By the time he got off at the warehouse, he was ready to just find a hotel room and watch mindless cable for hours. Maybe order a pizza. He was sitting in his car with a hastily packed bag in the backseat, googling cheap hotels, when he got the phone call. It was Scully's cell number, put in his phone as Dana, despite the fact that he only ever called the house phone.

Jackson stared at the phone mutely for a moment, helpless in not knowing what to do. He knew he shouldn't pick up, but he didn't want to alienate them suddenly without any word, as tempting as that was. They'd done a lot of nice things for him. They didn't deserve that. But he couldn't talk to them and give them the expectation that there'd be more, not when he swore he would leave them out of it. For their sake and for the kid's.

The phone lay like a lifeless thing in his hand as it rang, the blank gray square he had instead of a contact photo taunting him. He was ready to hang up, but somehow, he lifted the phone and answered it instead. "Hello?"

"Jackson?" she said on the other end. "Hi, it's Dana."

"I know," he said without thinking, and was surprised to hear her uproarious laugh on the other end. A corner of his mouth turned up unconsciously. "What's up?" he asked quickly, hoping to get the conversation to go along quickly.

"Oh, I just wanted to call and check in," she said. "See how you were doing. We haven't talked in a while."

"I guess we haven't," said Jackson. There was a long, lengthy silence before he added lamely, "I'm all right. I'm… I'm headed to a hotel, I think. My apartment is being fumigated."

"Really? A fumigation? Did they say why?"

"Roaches," he offered.

Scully made a sound of disgust on the other end. "Remind me and I'll tell you someday about a case Mulder and I had with cockroaches," she said. "Have you paid for your hotel yet?"

Taken aback, he said, "Uh, no, not yet." He didn't realize what she was going to suggest until the words left his mouth, and he immediately winced. He should've lied and said he had. He shouldn't have brought up the goddamn fumigation at all.

"Sweetie, there's no point in you getting a hotel… why don't you just come stay with us for the weekend? Do you have work?"

"No." He was beginning to regret taking the phone call. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

"Why don't you come down? There's no point in you spending all that money on a hotel," she said gently.

He was going to say no. He told himself he had to say no. He didn't think he could stand an entire weekend with them, considering the way their past interactions had gone. And he was still afraid that people were still looking for him, that they'd hurt Mulder and Scully and the kid if they found him. He had to say no. He would go to a hotel, like he said he would originally.

But he started thinking about the money. He didn't have an abundance of it in the first place to spend on a hotel and meals. And he was thinking about lunch with Dana, her face when he said that he didn't know they wanted kids. Thinking about the money they'd given him, the furniture. Thinking about what an ass they must see him as, trying to wriggle out of seeing them, spending time with them. He couldn't stay in their lives, but he couldn't cut them off completely. Not without a word.

(If they were in danger, wasn't it better that he know for sure? He could look for signs. And besides, if the kid was anything like him, than they might be in danger already. It might not matter what he did.)

"Jackson?" Scully's voice was gentle, and maybe a little worried, on the other end. "You okay?"

He cleared his throat, thumping his forehead against the steering wheel. "Um, yeah," he said with a sigh. "Yeah, I'll come down."

He was just doing it because he didn't want to sit in a shitty hotel all week. That was it. That was it. That would be the end of it.

---

Mulder had been out at the store when Scully made the phone call to their son, and when he returned, she explained what had happened, that Jackson was heading their way. "Scully, that's great!" he said, seizing her hands in his and squeezing. She managed a wobbly smile of her own, and he recognized her apprehension immediately. "Are you still worried about what happened last time?" he added gently.

"Maybe a little bit," she said softly. "I just don't want things to go badly. I don't want to hurt him again."

"I know." He leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "Look at it this way," he said softly. "I don't think he'd agree to come here for the weekend if things were really bad."

She sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder, a hand on her stomach. "Or he's coming so he can get more money out of us," she mumbled. "There's always that."

He shrugged. He rested his chin on the top of her head. "Whatever the reason," he told her gently, "he is coming here. And that's something, no matter what."

She smiled, just a little, her eyes fluttering closed. Their hands were still together between them, his knuckles against her stomach, and he could feel the light, light movements happening beneath the surface. "How's she doing in there?" he whispered.

She shook her head a little in disapproval, but he could see that she was still smiling. "You don't know it's a she," she told him firmly, but she squeezed his hands again. "Active. Restless. I know it's your child just because she won't relax."

"You say that as if it's a trait she's just inherited from me," he said teasingly, and she looked at him squintingly. He rubbed a hand over her lower back, which was frequently aching nowadays. "You're as bad as I am, honey. This kid is never going to relax."

"Mmm," she said in a soft, sleepy voice. She leaned into him again; he dug his fingers against her back, and she made a small sound of appreciation. "We should get some pizza," she added in a husky voice. "For Jackson."

He smiled. "You're right," he said softly. "We should."

---

Jackson arrived long after dark, the screened door swinging open with his arrival. He scanned the room in a nervous animal sort of manner before landing upon where they were sitting on the couch, Scully asleep on Mulder's shoulder. "Uh, hi," he said with a sheepish sort of smile.

Mulder smiled, too, a broad, involuntary one. He hadn't really realized how much he had missed his son until just now. He had just remembered that he hadn't seen Jackson in person since they helped him move in. "Hey, Jackson," he said softly. "It's good to see you. There's pizza in the oven if you're hungry."

"Thanks," Jackson said with a nervous little laugh. "I, uh, I ate something on the way here, but I'm already hungry again."

Mulder laughed at that. "Help yourself," he said, rubbing a hand over Scully's arm. He was debating whether or not to just wake her up, or to try and move without waking her up.

Jackson walked past them towards the kitchen, freezing a little in his tracks near the couch. "She's okay, right?" he asked, motioning to Scully.

Mulder startled a little, looking down at his wife and then back at their son. "Yeah, s-she's fine," he said quickly. "Sleepy. The pregnancy has been kind of rough on her." He winced a little that; he hadn't meant to mention it.

"I can, uh, imagine," Jackson said quickly, his hands in his pockets. He cleared his throat loudly before continuing to the kitchen.

Mulder cleared his own throat and leaned down, brushing his fingers over Scully's cheek. "Scully," he whispered. The oven door opened and closed. "Jackson's here."

She stirred gingerly, her eyes opening foggily. "Jackson?" she whispered, and he nodded. She sat up with effort, his hand on her back as he helped her, and turned to Jackson as he reentered the room, a droopy slice of pizza in hand. "Hey," she said warmly, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Hi, Dana." He offered an awkward little wave with the pizza-free hand. "Thank you for offering me a place to stay."

"Of course, sweetie." She rubbed at her eyes sleepily as she got to her feet. "You're always welcome here."

"Do you want anything to drink?" Mulder added, heading for the kitchen himself to get Scully a glass of water. "We've got some soda, some juice… water…"

His eyebrows raised a bit. "Soda would be good," he said with a stifled yawn. "I'm pretty exhausted, actually. Long day. Long drive."

"Do you want us to show you the guest room?" Scully asked gently, with a yawn of her own. "You should make yourself at home."

He shrugged sleepily, opening the fridge and taking out a can of Dr. Pepper. "Yeah, sure. I've gotten into the habit of sleeping on the couch, I need to work on breaking it."

Mulder felt, rather than heard, Scully's intake of breath, and knew she was thinking of him years and years ago. He'd been thinking of that himself. He gave a little laugh and said, "I've been in that habit, kid. Not a bad one to break."

"For sure." He rubbed at the back of his neck, taking a sip of his soda.

Scully cleared her throat, taking the water cup Mulder offered. "The room's upstairs, whenever you're ready," she said, taking a sip, bumping her arm against Mulder's in thanks.

"We can go right now." Jackson retrieved a plate from the cabinet as if he'd been living there for years, piling a couple slices on and grabbing the soda can before turning to them expectantly. It wasn't the healthiest bedtime snack, but Mulder didn't feel as if he had the paternal authority to say anything. (And he knew his eating habits weren't much better anyway.)

Scully led the two of them upstairs, up the book-laden stairs and down the hall. Over his shoulder, Mulder saw Jackson taking everything out in interest, and realized suddenly that he had never been upstairs before. Only in the downstairs. They went past the baby's room, which Jackson glanced at with a hint of apprehension, and into the room they'd been putting together for him.

Scully flipped on the light when they entered, and Daggoo, who had pretty strange habits for a dog and loved to sleep in there, rose from his favorite perch on the bed and yipped excitedly. Jackson grinned.

"Sorry about him," Scully said with an absent wave. "He loves it in here, but you can kick him out if you want."

"No, no, that's cool. I love dogs." Jackson flopped down on the bed and scratched Daggoo's head as he wriggled and whimpered with excitement. "My mom was allergic," he said wistfully, "so we weren't ever able to have a dog."

Scully smiled, too. Mulder offered, "Scully here has always been a big fan of dogs. She actually stole this one."

Scully chuckled low in her throat and shook her head disapprovingly. Jackson looked up in surprise. "Seriously?"

"We were on a case," Scully explained in a deadpan. "I caught a serial killer who worked in an animal shelter. I just fell in love with Daggoo, and the whole place was in disarray. I didn't think we had time to stay in town so I could go through the adoption process."

"That's what she wants you to think," Mulder told Jackson. "Secretly, I think she's just a ruthless dog thief."

He snorted with quiet laughter as Scully elbowed him lightly in the side. Daggoo, perhaps sensing he was the subject of discussion, came over to greet Scully. Jackson began to survey the room, his eyes lingering over the books and movies on the shelf, the little TV adjacent to the bed. To the dresser, where they paused on a floppy stuffed bunny sitting on the dresser. Mulder froze a little when he saw it himself; he recognized that bunny. He hadn't known that they'd still had that bunny. He hadn't known that Scully had put it in here.

"What's that?" Jackson asked, his voice sounding purposefully light. "Something for the kid?"

Scully took a deep, gentle breath. "Actually, it was yours."

Jackson jolted, just a little, his shoulders tight. "Really?" he said quietly.

"Really," she said. "My mother—your grandmother—she bought it for you. You loved it; you wanted to take it everywhere." She laughed softly, fondly. "You loved to chew on its ears," she added. "You slept with it every night."

Her words hit Mulder square in the chest; he hadn't seen any of that, and it still ached to this day. He had missed out on so much. He'd seen Scully sleep with the rabbit curled under one arm when they were on the run, desperate and grieving, but he had never seen it with their son. And now here it was again, when Jackson was too old for anything like that and clearly didn't have any interest in it. He forced a smile, pretending that his chest wasn't tight with grief.

Jackson was still looking at the blue rabbit, his face unreadable. "That's cool," he said in a husky voice. "Cool bunny." He looked over at them, halfway curious. "W-where does your mom live? Do you see her a lot?"

Scully smiled sadly. "No, unfortunately she passed away a couple years ago."

"Oh. I'm really sorry," he said immediately, solemnly. He looked down at his hands, at Daggoo on the bed, looking between them with interest. Mulder wasn't sure what to do, to say.

"Thank you," Scully said softly, her voice faltering a little. "She… I miss her a lot, but she lived a good life."

Jackson nodded, stiffly. He yawned again, in a purposeful manner, and said, "I, uh, I think I'm going to bed."

"Okay," Mulder said, offering what was meant to be a reassuring shrug. "There's food in the fridge, and the bathroom is at the bottom of the stairs. First door to the left in the downstairs hall."

"We can take Daggoo if you want," Scully offered.

"Nah, he can stay." Jackson reached out to scratch the underside of Daggoo's belly, who panted happily. "The room looks good, by the way," he added. "Really cool." As if he'd known that they fixed it up for him—which, Mulder realized, he probably had.

"We're glad you like it," Scully replied. Her hand was against Mulder's wrist, as if she wanted to take his hand, but didn't want to do so in front of Jackson. "Good night," she added warmly.

"We'll be down the hall if you need us," Mulder added, as if he was a small child who might have nightmares. As if it was a normal night, and they were tucking him into bed, and they'd see him in the morning. (And they would; they would see him in the morning, unless he snuck out during the night for some reason.)

"Okay." Jackson was focused on the dog, semi-wrestling with him. He didn't look up as they exited, but he called up a muted, "Thanks."

Back in their bedroom, Mulder suddenly felt weak, limp and small, and he pulled Scully to him in a fierce hug. Her arms went around him immediately, unable to envelop him completely, but still holding tightly, clutching at the back of his shirt. "Hey," she whispered softly. "You okay?"

He nodded, his throat thick. He had missed out on so much. He had missed out on so much, and here was an opportunity to not miss out on things, but he would still never get that time with William. He had left them, and he had lost so much.

He was saying it before he could really even think about it: "I'm so sorry I left."

Scully shook her head immediately. She let go of him and stepped back, tipping up his chin slightly so he'd meet her eyes. "Mulder," she whispered gently, "you didn't have a choice. It was the only way to save yourself."

They'd fought about this a thousand times, each taking different perspectives and going back and forth on different things, but Mulder was sure in this moment that it was his fault and solely his fault. He tried to apologize again, and Scully shook her head. "Mulder, we have to stop living in the past and digging up these old issues," she said. "What's done is done. We can't do anything about it now." She reached up to touch the side of his face gently. "He's here now," she whispered. "We have a chance to get to know him. It's not exactly starting over, but it is something."

He nodded, his eyes growing wet. He engulfed her in his arms again, kissing the top of her head. "You're right," he said softly. "It's just… hard not to linger over the things I've done wrong. My regrets."

"Believe me, I know." She kissed the underside of his jaw. "It's going to be okay," she told him, and she sounded a little uncertain, but he could feel the reassurance in her voice.

He nodded against the top of her head. He felt the baby kicking and smiled absently. "You think you'll be able to sleep with the kiddo being restless in there?" he joked.

She poked him firmly in the arm. "I do it every night, Mulder." She kissed him softly, giving his elbow a small tug. "C'mon," she said with a yawn, "let's go to bed, okay?"

They climbed into bed together, her curling at his front so he could provide some support for her back. He put his lips to the back of her head, his hand to her belly, and tried to relax. But his mind kept returning to their son, in the bedroom down the hall. Wondering if he was okay, if he had nightmares the way they did. He heard footsteps on the stairs, he heard the bathroom door creak. He hoped that he would still be there when they woke up. He wanted more than anything to get to know his son.

---

Jackson slept until noon on Saturday. Not even on purpose, or as an avoidance tactic; he was exhausted. He hadn't been getting many chances to sleep in until noon lately, what with work and being on the run. He slept like a rock, after admittedly staying up half the night watching cable, and when he woke up to sunlight streaming into the unfamiliar room, he briefly forgot where he was.

He panicked, briefly, kicking at the covers as he instinctively bolted up in bed, but his eyes fell on the blue rabbit on the dresser as they jerked frantically around the room, and that snapped him out of it. He let out a heavy sigh, flopping limply back on the bed.

After a few minutes (and after he realized both what time it was and how hungry it was), it seemed silly to just lie here and pretend he was anywhere else. It's not like he could do that all weekend, hide upstairs and only come out at night like some bastardized vampire. If he was going to do this, and make this the last time, he had to do it right.

So he forced himself out of bed and staggered downstairs, realizing just as he hit the bottom stair that he'd forgotten to pack anything sensible, like a hairbrush or a toothbrush or a change of clothes. Dana was on the couch, a book in hand, but she had looked up when she heard him coming down. "Good morning," she said with a calm sort of pleasantness. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Uh huh," Jackson said, his voice wavering a little bit. His eyes jerked around the room, from the couch to the kitchen table, where Mulder was sitting with a laptop, to the front door, where he had kicked off his sneakers the night before. "I'm, uh, I'm going for a run," he said. He needed to breathe for a moment, needed to clear his head. He went for the door and yanked them on, pulling open the door and blinking in the bright sunlight. He inhale deeply and took off, dust road from the driveway stirred up by his shoes.

The run felt good. His birth parents lived out in the middle of fucking nowhere, and it was the perfect place to just run. He ran harder, harder than he probably should, until his chest ached with the strain of running and he was gasping for air.

Running did clear his head. It gave him time to think. Reminded him what he needed to do, the reason why it was good that Sarah dumped him. People might still be looking for him. People might come for Mulder and Scully and their kid. He'd told himself that he was going to try and last the weekend, but being alone out in the country made him too tense, gave him too much time to get paranoid about all the shitty stuff that could happen. He tensed up every time a car went by.

He was honestly ready to leave just on the basis of it seeming too dangerous for him to be there (and also, honestly, because it was awkward as hell, and he didn't want to be in that house, surrounded by reminders of the childhood he didn't have and the family that wasn't his). But when he got back to the house, he was out of breath and coated in sweat. He felt a little like collapsing on the spot. He thought to himself, vaguely, as he leaned against a pillar on the porch, Okay, so I won't leave this exact second.

When he staggered through the door, he found Mulder and Scully on the couch, watching some movie. It sounded sci-fi esque, with lots of hissing sounds and canned screams coming from the television. Something Jackson might've liked years ago. When Mulder saw him come in, he tossed him a water bottle, damp with condensation from the freezer. "I'm guessing you'll need this," he said.

Jackson caught it, a little stunned and not sure why. "Thanks," he said.

"Don't drink too fast," Dana offered mildly, and it was then that Jackson remembered that she was a doctor. It was the thing he had known about her before he'd known almost anything else: Ginger was a doctor. It'd been strangely comforting as a child, in that dinky little hospital where he'd essentially been kept prisoner as a child; he had lain in bed, curled up under the covers, sucking his thumb like a baby for comfort, and he'd closed his eyes and seen her. Ginger, helping children like him, being kind and caring and everything the doctors there weren't, and he'd thought, She wouldn't do this to me. She'd take care of me for real. She'd get me out of here.

(His own mom had been the one to get him out. He'd been in for six months, and they'd been unable to tell his parents what was even wrong with him. He was scared to tell his parents what the doctors were doing to him; one of the nurses whispered that if he wasn't good and didn't kept things a secret, he might not ever get to go home. When the doctors tried to stop his mom and dad from visiting, that was the final straw. His mom had gotten lawyers and threatened a lawsuit, and gotten him out, and they'd moved to the East Coast, far away from the people who had done this to him. Ginger had never come, no matter how much he hoped she would.)

"Okay," Jackson mumbled, unscrewing the lid and taking several grateful gulps. He flopped down in a chair, exhausted, turning his face vaguely towards the TV. It was some kind of monster movie, incredibly cheesy-looking.

He didn't mean to stay and watch it, but he did. He just did. He didn't move from the chair, and the three of them watched three movies without even thinking about it.

Towards the end of the third movie, Jackson went into the kitchen to retrieve a soda. Almost as soon as he stood up, he was thinking about leaving. Wondering if he was wondering out of time to save them all. Wondering if he was being overly paranoid, jumpy and ridiculous. Wondering about the kid, if it didn't matter what he did because they'd come for the kid if they didn't come for him. Wondering if there was even anyone out there to come for either of them.

On the front of the fridge, there was an ultrasound picture. The same one that was there last night. Beside it, one he hadn't noticed: a younger Mulder and Scully, lying sprawled out on a bed asleep. A baby between them, cradled on Mulder's chest, Scully's hand on his back, fingers in his mouth, wearing a little blue onesie. Him, he realized, and bit his lip. He yanked open the fridge too hard and grabbed a Coke. As the door closed back, he caught a glimpse of the ultrasound all over again. My sibling, he thought involuntarily, and was stunned to feel something at the back of his mind. A little push, a presence.

"Find everything okay?" Scully asked when he re-entered. They were trying so hard to be casual—she was pretending to watch the TV, but she was watching him. He could tell.

"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat awkwardly and flopping back in his chair. It was an impulse, what he said next; he was thinking about the little push he'd felt, and the picture, and the conversation he and Dana had last time, and he just said it. "You guys got any name ideas for the kid?"

They both looked up in surprise, like it was the last thing they expected him to say. On the screen, a werewolf growled ominously.

Mulder was the first to recover. "We don't know," he said. "We've had some ideas, but nothing feels right."

"Do you, uh…" Jackson cleared his throat awkwardly. "Do you know the sex yet?"

"Not yet," said Ginger, and she had a small, absent smile on her face. "Mulder insists it's a girl, though." Mulder shrugged sheepishly.

Jackson swallowed awkwardly. "Well, either way, you can't go wrong with Fox, right?" he joked, trying to keep his voice light.

It worked. Mulder and Scully both burst into laughter at that, Scully laughing so hard he could hardly believe it. "Low blow, kid," Mulder said, wrapping an arm around Scully's shoulders. "Low blow. But thanks for the suggestion."

Jackson gave a little chuckle of his own. He felt a rush of relief, at just not saying something wrong for once. "Or Lily," he offered, speaking before he could think again. "Lily's cool. If you're digging for options."

He didn't know why he said that. He didn't know why he said that, except for that it was the name he and his mother had liked when his parents were trying to adopt when he was eight. His mom had suggested it, and it'd been his favorite option for a girl, insisting on it even after they'd moved onto other names. But he didn't know why he'd said that now. He hadn't thought about having a little sister named Lily in years, and he didn't know why he was suggesting it now. It felt like his parents' name to use, not theirs. But he had said it, for whatever reason.

Mulder and Scully exchanged a look, a loaded look. "That's pretty," Scully offered. "I like it."

"Yeah," Jackson said, flopping back in his chair. He'd intended to make some more name suggestions, more jokes, but he found he couldn't. He popped open his soda, turned his attention back to the TV. "Fox might be the better option, though," he threw out gingerly. They chuckled from behind him, again, but he could barely hear it. He watched the werewolf tear through the woods, claws drawn.

---

After dinner, Jackson retreated out to the porch. He seemed jittery while they ate, which was more than expected, but the speedy retreat still stung a little. Scully bit her lip when the door shut hard behind him; Mulder saw it, even across the table.

"We could go out with him," Mulder offered as they loaded the dishwasher. It was a nice night, not too hot, the sky streaked pink and orange from the setting sun.

Scully shook her head, her hands buried in soapy water. "I don't want to put pressure on him," she said, which he knew she'd been trying hard not to do all day. "I want to leave him be. We've had time with him today."

He slipped a plate into the bottom drawer, stepped behind her and engulfed her in his arms. He felt the baby moving under his fingers. "I love you," he said into the back of her neck.

She slipped her sudsy hands down to intertwine her fingers with his. "I love you," she whispered, and he squeezed her tight. She rubbed the back of his left hand with her damp thumb. "We're gonna be okay," she said quietly. They'd been saying that a lot since this all ended, but this was possibly the most confident he'd heard her about it. She turned in his arms and kissed him, her wet palms on his cheeks. They stood together in the midst of their kitchen, pressed together before the sink and the sinking sun.

Later, after Scully had gone upstairs to bed, Jackson was still outside. Mulder could hear the creak of the porch swing through the open windows. He'd been planning to have a beer inside, at the table, but in the split second of hearing that swing creak, he changed his mind. He wanted a few minutes alone with his son. And besides, he did usually have a beer outside rather than in, so he had a good excuse if Jackson asked.

(He considered, briefly, taking a beer out for Jackson, but then decided that it would be nothing but a blatant bribe, and probably not a very paternal move. And Scully would be furious, anyway.)

He took his beer bottle and went outside, towards one of the chairs adjacent to the swing. "Mind if I join you?" he asked his son, who shrugged and continued moving the swing with the toe of his ratty tennis shoes. Mulder sunk into a chair, popping the bottle open. He saw Jackson eyeing the beer wistfully, and pretended he didn't notice, taking a long sip. The swing rocked back and forth.

"Nice night," Mulder said after a few moments. He could hear the crickets chirping in the dusk, feel a slight breeze blowing. It was the kind of night he used to love to sit outside with Scully during, the kind of night he hoped he could look forward to for the rest of his life.

"It is," Jackson said softly, pushing off the porch again. He took a deep breath. "I've missed quiet nights like this. When I was little, we used to live on a farm in Wyoming. I don't remember it too well, but I remember I liked it. And I loved going to visit my grandmother."

"Not a lot of quiet nights in Norfolk?"

"Definitely not." He sighed quietly, leaning back on the slatted swing. "It's nice out here," he said quietly.

Mulder watched him in the dimming light. He couldn't help it. Every moment with him felt like a blessing. Scully kept saying that Jackson looked like him, but he couldn't see it. Looking at Jackson, he just saw his own family, his mother and his sister and Scully. It was hard to look away, to not linger over all of the things they had missed out on. He could imagine a multitude of nights like this with his son, instead of acknowledging that this was the first one. But it might not be the last. He took a swig of his beer and sighed himself, looking out over the fields instead of at his son. "We're glad you're here," he said quietly. "Your mother… Dana and I… we're both so glad you're here, and that you're safe." They'd been so close to losing him; he remembered his horror clearly, his grief, when he thought they'd lost him. He chewed at his lower lip, unsure of what to say, but knowing that he couldn't not say it. It was the same reason Scully told him how much she'd missed him and regretted giving him up every time she saw him: he needed him to know.

The swing squeaked abruptly, harshly to a stop. "Right," Jackson said in a strangled voice.

Mulder tipped the bottle up with a clammy palm and looked at his son. His head was dipped forward, his hair hanging in his face. He couldn't read his expression in the dimming light. "Mulder?" he said softly, rubbing at his mouth hard with one hand.

It threw Mulder off; he couldn't remember if his son had ever addressed him directly. It was overwhelming to hear Jackson say his name, as much as he wished he'd said Dad instead. "Yeah?" he replied, biting back the urge to tack son on the end.

"Do you… do you think…" He broke off mid-sentence. "Those people, the ones chasing me… they came after your family, right?"

The question took Mulder aback, but it wasn't necessarily unexpected. He wasn't surprised that Jackson was shaken after his months on the run, after being pursued for months and having his parents murdered and being shot in the goddamn head. He should've expected Jackson to have questions about where this bullshit originated. "I… yes," he said quietly. "They… they were involved with my father. The one who raised me, not the smoker. They made a deal to take my sister when she was eight years old." He bit the inside of his cheek hard; no matter how many years it had been, the memories still hurt. And the hurt was not lessened any by the fact that his son had suffered from similar things, the fact that he looked a little bit like Samantha. "They killed my father," he added. "They came after Scully, and after me…" After you, he added silently.

Jackson was quiet. The swing moved back and forth. "When did they stop?" he whispered.

Mulder didn't have a good answer to that. He'd come so close to losing Jackson, and though he mostly thought that all of this was over, a part of him thought that they would never stop coming. It was one of his greatest fears with the baby, although he would never leave her or lose her for anything in the world. But it'd been months since anything had happened, months since he'd noticed any kind of Syndicate activity. He and Scully were trying their best to believe that it had ended, that they were safe.

He went with the optimistic answer. "I suppose a few months ago," he said. "I don't know exactly… what happened… but I'm inclined to believe this is all over."

He looked at Jackson, who wasn't looking back at him. He had his forehead balanced in his palm, his head still bent forward. "Why do you ask?" Mulder added tentatively, halfway pressing for an answer, and halfway hoping he wouldn't get it. He wanted to know if Jackson was still being pursued, but he was praying that this wasn't the case.

Jackson sighed heavily, and sat up straight. "No reason," he said, and Mulder bit back an exhale of relief. Before he could ask another question, Jackson got to his feet and turned to the door. "I'm going up," he said bluntly, reaching for the handle.

"Oh," Mulder said, a little surprised, but knowing better than to say anything. "Okay. Goodnight, Jackson. Scully and I will be down the hall if you need anything."

It was probably a babyish thing to say to a seventeen-year-old, but if Jackson minded, he didn't let Mulder know. He didn't say anything at all; he just grabbed the screen door and whipped it open. It slammed hard behind him as he went inside.

---

Early the next morning, Jackson left. He slipped out before it got light, while Mulder and Scully and even the dog were still asleep. He didn't want to have to go through the motions of saying goodbye, and he felt as if leaving was the only thing he had left to do. The only right thing to do.

He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't be around them. He didn't know if these people would ever stop coming.

And besides that, they weren't his family anymore. Once upon a time, they'd raised him and named him and napped with him and given him a little blue stuffed bunny that he carried everywhere, but then they gave him up. They weren't his family, and he couldn't be theirs. He couldn't be a brother to a little baby if he'd only be putting her in danger.

He had to leave. He didn't have a choice.

#sorry for the sarah scene at the beginning it was necessary for plot #xf rewatch #xf fanfic #i wrote this

95 notes · View notes

andaxay · 3 years

Note

Heyo Sarah ;) since we both wanted more fanwork interaction with the community, here's one question from me:

In OMBP, What was the biggest inspiration that drew you in to write the story and even so expand it to such a big involvement. Were you like go with the flow, while writing it and just thought damn 5k words aren't nearly enough for it, or did you noticed that while you were working on the project, that there is potential to be more, cause your muse kicked in? ;)

Hallo Simon! This is such a cool ask, thank you!! (Also, it got long, so, more under the cut...)

So, other fanfics have been a huge source of inspiration. There are some that I've been reading and just had the most fun with (gotta single out "Winging It" by Claranon for one of the best times I've ever had with a fic). I'm laughing and have a stupid grin on my face. Just had such a good time with them, and I wanted to write something that would just be that. Fun and (mostly) light and full of things that I love about Tales. The stuff I'd written for Tales before OMBP ranged from light and "casual" (the gen one-shot series), to pretty dark (As The World Falls Down), but I just wanted to try and capture that sense of good fun and all-round great time that I'd found in other fics.

(Fanfics are wholly responsible for my love of Rhyiona, too. Literally the first and only characters I've ever actively shipped. Thank you, fanfic authors <3)

The story came about after I realised how much bloody fun I had writing Rhys and Fiona for And We Go Again and I just... needed more. I really enjoyed the Maliwan siege quests in BL3, I love wondering about what post-Tales Rhys and Fiona get up to. The whole thing kicked off when I had an image of Rhys breaking into his own company with Fiona. But WHY?? And here we are.

As for writing it... ehehe. Haha. Whoops. Originally, it was going to be three pretty large chapters. I've had the main plot down since the beginning. What I didn't account for was just how much I was going to end up wanting to write about. I wrote chapter 1 and got to a point and thought "huh, alright, this is already a significant amount, maybe 5 chapters, with an intro and an end and the beefy middle.".

Then came chapter 2 and I realised there was so much more of that party that I wanted to write about than would fit into a single chapter.

Alright, cool. Eight-ish chapters it is, then.

Then it kind of... just got big. I kept sketching out more details for 2 or 3 chapters ahead, which led to expansion and key plot points being pushed further back. So, I guess I kind of went with the flow for a lot of it. I'd have an overall plan of where I wanted to go next in terms of main plot, but a scene or bit of dialogue that would fit perfectly here, and oh man, I can't not write THIS part...

... Twelve out of fifteen chapters later. Oops? Think it's sentient at this point.

So, yeah, I've had The Plot but for a lot of it so far, I've been going with the flow a little. I'd be sketching out a chapter and something would just hit for that chapter, or something further along. Honestly, it just boils down to having too much damn fun with these characters that have captured my heart. I LOVE writing their dialogue and them getting up to no good. There were just too many good things to potentially explore to be able to stick with my original three-chapter plan.

I'm sure there are parts I could have left out that would have condensed it, but, this is my story and it's the most committed I've ever been to a piece of writing and so I'm just going to have the most fun with it. And I really have. There are parts I'm not thrilled with (chapter 9 was a massive deviation from "light-hearted" and I think I lost some folk there, but, it was necessary for plot). But if I was striving for perfection, I'd never write a damn thing.

I'm legit going to miss it when it's finished. It's flawed in places, probably longer than it needs to be, but hell, I really have had the most fun with it. And I hope others have, too.

(Bloody hell I'm so sorry about the essay - I was far too excited about this ask, :') See, I waffle when I'm not writing fic, too!!)

#oh god I'm sorry this got so long #thank you for giving me the chance to waffle way too much!#god I'm still so in love with this game and these characters and any chance to gush is one I'll happily take #ask meme #thank you so much Simon #writing #fanfic #Tales From The Borderlands #Rhyiona

11 notes · View notes

exciting · 3 years

Text

As requested, books / series I read in 2020 in the order I read them, with a few brief thoughts. (This took me a hot second because there are a few and also I moved cities) Should I keep a consistent goodreads? Yes I should but I didn’t think of that at the time, so bone apple teeth & sorry if I offend you abt your faves x

P.S. I can’t figure out how to do a read more on mobile so long post ahead!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas - This is one of the most vivid published fantasy books I have ever read... I read it twice in rapid succession. The fandom POPS off. I must say I have issues with certain aspects e.g. fae lore completely ignored à la Twilight, all love interests 500+ years old and technically a different species, etc (I’m not going to deconstruct the entire series here but just know that I could... Nesta deserves better)

Cruel Prince by Holly Black - This fucking slaps, HB clearly has done her research, the lore is near immaculate, and it explores the Fae in such a unique way, tying it to the modern world subtly and seamlessly. My only qualm was that the books felt quite short; truly wish there had been more content.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas (6/7) - So basically I read this in one single, hyperfixated fit which meant I literally locked myself in my room for three days straight and read all six books back to back in a row from morning to the wee hours. Which is not to say it was spectacular; although it was a VERY rich world, sometimes it was too much... this felt like 6 stories in one. Ik she was young when she wrote this but it is my humble opinion that SJM needs a better editor & I personally think Rowan is a grade A asshole / straight up abusive (& personally think the ACOTAR Tamlin plot was born from that?). It’s good but not as good as ACOTAR. Skip-read the last book.

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone) by Leigh Bardugo (3) - This is essential to read before SOC but was very much simply a YA fantasy book, although the world was cool and the way the love plot played out was, imo, a subtle middle finger to the fantasy trope. Felt very much aimed at younger readers though? Really liked the sandwhich structure of the Proluge and Epilogue, especially in #2

Six of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo (2) - INCREDIBLE continuation of Grishaverse, better than the original series by a mile. It has the range, the diversity, the representation (the male lead is a disabled asexual and still the most cunning of the entire cast of characters), the plot is phenomenal, and it manages such a well rounded plot in only two books which means nothing is stretched out or squeezed in more than need be. Deserves all the praise it gets.

King of Scars series by Leigh Bardugo (0.5/1) - Personally I don’t consider this book canon, and while it’s nice to see the rest of Nina’s journey & the world again & everyone else, I don't like it. I will, however, be reading book 2 when it comes out, so shame on me, I suppose.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (1/1) - this was incredibly cool although it went off in a completely different direction than I thought it would based off the first few chapters? One of my favourite YA-author-debuts-New-Adult novels in 2020 though!

Crescent City by Sarah J Maas (1/1) - This was supposed to be SJM/s New Adult debut, although personally I would put her other series in New Adult, and I can’t say a remarkable amount was different with this except they said “fuck” and “ass” a lot. WHY is the romantic interest 500 years old AGAIN. I just... don’t... I just don’t think it was necessary... the world was cool though, and the last half of the book was riveting, but the beginning was quite slow and I thought the sword thing was predictable. I am interested to see where this goes though.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (3) - This world is so fucking cool... four Londons aka parallel universes & the one in ‘our’ world is set in industrial era London. Magic, girls dressing up as boys, thieves, pirates, royalty... it all just slaps. Schwab is an incredible writer & I was completely immersed.

Midnight Sun by SMeyer - I didn’t think anything could possibly detract even further from the Twilight story but I was sorely mistaken... seeing the stalking from Edward’s POV - and it was worse than depicted in Twilight, for the record - completely obliterated any sort of romance the first half of the original book may have portrayed. I still hold the opinion that the entire series would have been better if some kind of vampire lore had been abided by, if only to see all of the villains thwarted by someone dropping a bag of rice on the ground, forcing them to have to count them all.

An ember in the Ash by Sabaa Tahir (3/4) - This was just a very stereotypical ya fantasy series, emphasis on the YOUNG... it wasn’t anything to write home about but I remember quite enjoying it at the time.

The Power by Naomi Alderman - This book is FUCKING incredible and EXCEPTIONALLY thought provoking... essentially women alone develop a power of electric shock etc. and then take over the world from men, and it explores feminism and the balance between equality & tipping the scales in the other direction. Written by a friend of M.Atwood in a similar tone to handmaids tale, I would say? Content warning; there are some exceptionally graphic scenes in the latter half of the novel.

Hamlet by Wllm Shksp - I can’t believe it took me this long to finally read it but Ophelia is my favourite name in the entire world & we love to see a woman go batshit (although she didn’t deserve that).

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas - this was unsettling in the best sense of the word... it was a little slow & honestly more of a concept than a big reveal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I finished it? A Secret History vibes but make it blurry like the memory of all those dystopian novels you read when you were young?

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab - This is without a doubt my book of the year, and probably the best book I read in 2020? I stayed up all night on a friend’s couch reading it, got a book hangover and reread the ending, and then thrust it upon my mother who doesn’t usually read but read this, and loved it just as much. HIGHLY recommend and you HAVE to read it, it’s beautiful and endearing and just plain wonderful.

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat (3/3) - I went into this knowing it was going to be terrible, because I had received a blow by blow telling me as much; although I must say that it did learn a remarkable amount of new words, the books did get better as the series went on, and it did have a rather charming ending? BIG content warning for almost everything.

Sapiens by Yuval Harari - mind-expanding & must recommend for everyone, there is everything in this and I daresay everyone should posses this kind of knowledge? I listened to it as an audiobook (which I recommend because it’s rather hearty) but will be buying this in hardcopy & rereading it with annotations.

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Without a doubt, one of the most beautiful novels I have ever read, and certainly the most beautiful portrayal of the story of Achilles and the battle of Troy I have ever seen. Patroclus deserved the justice that was given to him in this book; indeed, all of the characters were written with justice and grace. Highly recommend.

Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan (3/5) - Apollo is my favourite Greek God, and the sexiest greek god, and Rick Riordan’s writing slaps, as always. It did pain me to see Apollo, the sexy immortal, have to be forced back into a 16 year old’s body but everything else? Whimsical & wonderful, as expected.

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - a retelling of Romeo and Juliette, except it’s set in Shanghai in the 1920′s, and the protagonists already have a history. Very well done, characters are incredibly diverse in race, sexual orientation, gender, and ability / disability (and honestly, representation has never appeared so effortless and elegant). Also it includes a monster and possible magic. Incredibly underrated and highly recommend.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix. E Harrow - this was such a unique concept, and truly captivating, the story was charming, and felt like the kind of beautiful fairytale you would read as children but with more grit? ABSOLUTELY recommend this one

The Pisces by Melissa Broder - I hated this so much, not my vibe at all. Mermaid smut x therapy but make it cynical and judgemental (I know there was a moral in there but that’s not my point) also the dog dies.

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith (1/2) - really interesting & unique concept (all unwritten novels / ideas reside in a special library that is part of Hell and then sometimes the books can come to life) however, my first thought upon reading this was “this reads as if it’s stemmed from one of those writing prompt tumblr posts” bc of the tone and whatever and as it turns out I was somewhat correct, it did stem from a short story (not bad just obvious). It did kind of settle down as it went on but I found reading it kind of a drag, and I don’t think I will read the second one.

Abandon by Meg Cabot - 1. Meg Cabot’s writing always fucking slaps 2. Hades and Persephone but make it modern & very 2000′s & somehow kind of unique 3. I literally loved this, sue me

Medusa Girls (Sweet Venom) by Tera Childs - Like Percy Jackson except they are descendants of Medusa so they are Gorgons and have fangs & venom (hence the title). Gave me very 2000′s vibes? Quite cool but tbh I found the books quite short (like two hours each, if that)? Do NOT read the GoodReads description of the book before you read it, you will spoil it for yourself.

Bring me their Hearts by Sara Wolf - In my opinion, this is one of the most underrated YA series I read in 2020. The heroine is endearing, self aware, witty, and loves to look pretty even while kicking ass which in my opinion is an incredibly underrated trait. Also, immortality without being hundreds of years old? VERY sexy. HIGHLY recommend.

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova - High commendation to be given for the fact that it is a standalone and yet manages to fit in the plot of what would usually be a full fantasy trilogy without cutting corners or being a million miles long? Also sweet storyline & beautiful ending? If you liked ACOTAR you should read this as a “what would have / could have been had SJM had a different editor” (No shade I promise).

The Iron Fae by Julie Kagawa (4/4 + novellas) - Incredibly detailed faerie set around the modern world & our current use of technology & iron in it. Very neat adventure-style series, by the time I read the last novella I was well and truly done with the world (aka provided enough content to be fulfilling). Was definitely aimed at a younger audience though, NO smut / smut was brushed over.

The Modern Faerie Tales by Holly Black (3/3 SS) - This is technically the prequel to Cruel prince, set in the modern world, but with the fae world inside it as it traditional? All I have to say is that it is excellent & I highly recommend it.

Bridgerton series (The Duke and I) by Julia Quinn (9/9) - I read this after watching the Netflix show twice through and I am obsessed, although the books were not quite as elegant as the show, and some parts that made me cringe either by their portrayal (it is very firmly set in the 19th century and thus some things are not handled with tact or grace), the characters were exceptionally loveable and I am so excited to see where the show takes them! Lovely language & an abundance of words I had never seen before (always a plus).

#the number of these which I hate with a passion now #fuck my life #HATE SJM #MAD about grishaverse #ASHAMED of bridgerton and the feminism leeched from my soul after reading this

39 notes · View notes

laora-inn · 3 years

Text

Supernatural - 15x19. Why it’s a good ep considering Destiel

As all of my SPN metas, it’s Destiel positive and happy end positive, don’t like - don’t read.

I wasn’t disappointed of this ep’s outgoing, in fact, I’ve been waiting for something like that. Here in September I wrote my specs for the last 7 eps, and for 15x19 there was one: “they will not talk about Cas’s saving. And he will be dead in this episode for sure”. I was especially sure about this spec after 15x18. ‘Cause THE INTRIGUE guys.

There is no intrigue at all - only Cas’s returning/saving in 15x20 could SAVE THE SHOW. Other way - it’s never too late to rebel :) Though I don’t think it will be necessary, not in this case. So I liked the 15x19 outcome and my hopes for the DeanCas happy end are strong as ever. 15x19 made them stronger.

I liked a lot of things in the ep - so, so many of them. Jack and Dean’s grieving. Blood mark on Dean’s jacket. Sam and Dean’s readiness to surrender. Dean’s demand for Chuck, to return Cas - though ONLY CAS AND DEAN THEMSELVES COULD DO IT. Luci’s comeback as a fact - I speculated about it a bit here, though I thought more of Nick calling to Luci. But Nick was also Chuck’s puppet, why not? Luci’s playing Cas - “let me in”. We saw Dean’s weakness, so clear that it hurts and could be even uncomfortable to watch. We ALL understood that was a coy the moment Luci called I suppose - but not Dean. And THIS FACT alone is nice - not the details though. Michael’s tragedy, though hidden and not well-played - but it was there. Chuck’s inability to love. The whole metaness of his character - “I’m cancelling your show” again. His death wish. Sam and Dean’s revenge neglect. “That’s not who I am. That’s not who we are”. Chuck as a human, without his strength. It’s strange, but I think he could be happy now! If he’ll change something in himself, of course. Chuck’s empty Book of Death. His book is empty now, there will be no new Death... and he can start from the beginning. He can write his own story now and be redeemed - despite all the things he had done. It’s a new page for him as well. Chuck finally could be free himself. The way Jack became the new Almighty AFTER exploding in the Empty. THE EMPTY IS THE ONE THAT GAVE HIM THE STRENGTH, it’s not the enemy. I wrote about it here. Amara’s mentioning - and it was Sam who asked about her, she was important for both Sam and Dean all the way. Beautiful acting - they certainly did their best with the script given.

The way how the children should be free of their parents - Michael and Luci from Chuck, Sam and Dean from Chuck - and their dad, his name even wasn’t curved on the table by the end of the ep and despite the kind words to John in 14x13 we saw in 15x16 and 15x17 how destructive was John’s impact on Dean - not at Sam, ‘cause Dean was protecting Sam all along. Jack from Sam and Dean - this freedom is blurred though ‘cause of Cas’s absence in the episode structure. But his freedom is a good thing itself - for Jack it’s impossible to be a human, Kelly believed that. Cas believed that. Cas saw paradise on earth - so Jack’s chosen fate was in being a Child who is everywhere, in all of us, who doesn’t play with us, but lets us act ourselves. He isn’t the God as we understand him in strict norms, he isn’t cruel and abusive. And he should be free of any expectations from Sam and Dean - Cas said it in 15x18 to him. Jack is a grown-up in his own manner. He is independent now, and that’s a good thing.

Also, there is a promise in these shots:

We see these shots 3 times - before Jack returns all the humans, in the process of returning (see the girl whose bike was abandoned at the road at the end of 15x18 and at 15x19 beginning?) and when he talks about him being everywhere. One More. The One. Is Jack the One now? Is he the one more One? Is it ONE MORE EPISODE? One more story? One more thing? One more... You can continue the thought if you want. All I want to say - these shots are visually important and I find them hopeful :)

I liked Sam and Dean in the end. I’m a Destiel shipper but I’ve never hated Sam and Sam and Dean’s relationship. I just think it’s not good for this relationship to be romantic - it’s not good for both of Sam and Dean. But I respect them and their bond and don’t see anything bad for DeanCas ship in it. In fact, it’s quite the opposite - Sam was helping both Cas and Dean all the time. I’m afraid of thinking what will happen without him. Nothing good I suppose. I liked the way this scene was filmed. It’s also hopeful for me - though the double reading here is possible. But I think “just us” is not the end. I liked the names curved on the table as the fact. Now it’s confirmed - they ARE a family. All of them.

I liked the choice of the song - Running on Empty. Wow. Symbolically - ‘cause the Empty in the story is the separate character AND the place, you know. I liked a clip-show at the end. It’s nostalgic and sweet, and it has Cas in it - he IS the part of that, not only as Dean’s love interest, hey. He has his own party. Here the story of blood ends. What’s next?

We’ll wait and see.

And now - some things in 15x19 which left me disappointed.

I must confess that I’ve always loved SPN myth-arcs and wasn’t noticing Destiel as a thing for a while because my interests weren’t in the field of shipping. This show wasn’t about shipping for me - and the weirdest, it isn’t about shipping for me now. It’s a DAMN GOOD STORY WITH THE SENSE. And the sense is love. Yep.

So this episode didn’t do well with the myth-arc.

You see, I kinda enjoyed some of Buckleming eps. For instance, 15x13 - I love it, and there are some more. I’ve even appreciated their lack of subtext, parallels, allusions sometimes. They could be very specific. One more example - when Dean in 11x03 cupped Cas’s face, it was very easy to understand the ROMANTIC nature of their relationship and stuff.

But this ep?!

Pandemic situation added some stress I suppose. Nevertheless, all the story with Lucifer and Michael is just catastrophic. The only strong part was Lucifer telling Michael how Chuck can’t love - and the fact that his words were confirmed by the plot, and Chuck’s inability to love finally ended him. We’ve known that. We’ve predicted that. I’ve written about it here.

“You’ve killed your own son” (c) Dean, who didn’t do that.

But the rest part of this story---ugh. Killing Luci so easily? Michael is so plain as a character? Are you f*cking kidding me?!! Even AU!Michael was more interesting, I swear. I had a feeling that I myself could write this part of story better. And it’s not about lack of Cas as Dean’s love interest or hope for his returning, or for DeanCas whatever, I’m pretty sure we will get all of that. It’s about the myth-arc only! One of the main ones from season 4!

All this epic story of Luci and Mike could be done much more better. Like WAY MORE BETTER. With the same convo, you know,with the same outcome, which is absolutely correct - we are not supposed to serve our parents. But different details, WTF! And that’s my main point here.

There are some other things that I’m disappointed about, though less: 1) Betty the Reaper was a total WTF either despite of her eager lines. 2) I need more explanations about how exactly Jack gained his new power, how is he reunited with Amara, how he returned all the people BUT NOT Donna, Bobbie, Charlie, Jody, Eileen, Cas - not the people HE cares about. Or they are not important for him now? This thing could be resolved in 15x20 though. 3) I didn’t like physical violence from Chuck. A) I have some doubts if he can properly do it, he like to watch. What’s changed? I’m not convinced. B) I felt physical pain from that scene. It was awful. It all could be showed for us in a different way, but they didn’t want that. 4) I didn’t like how Chuck’s mind changes every second. I don’t kill you, I don’t care about you, you’ll live and suffer, no, I’ll kill you. It could be written more properly, but hey. This part is much more harder to fix that Luci and Mike’s. 5) I didn’t like the dog move. Like AT ALL. I loved Jensen’s kind voice and his acting, but: A) all these doggy parallels are not for me, I didn’t like how Cas was called a dog before - in Buckleming eps specifically (and that terrible parallel in 8x15!), but not only there. I didn’t like when Atropos called Sam and Dean Cas’s pets either. Not my kink, sorry - and it’s JUST TOO THICK; B) it’s classic move. So classic that it’s dumb! The Bad Guy always hurts some cute pets. Kitties, doggies, birds whatever. That’s how we are supposed to understand that he is Bad. Hey, we all know that Chuck is bad. Why to add something? To mess with Destihellers? Not helping here. 6) The moment with Luci instead of Cas (for Dean, for Jack) could be less “haha gays” and more proper either I guess. It feels more like a mocking to me the way it is, whether the idea was good. Luci played Cas for Dean before (11x11, 11x14), as he played Jess for Sam and Sarah for Nick, and he played a father for Jack. He was in his place there - a mock from Chuck. But you can’t blame Chuck on the poor writing ALL THE TIME. 7) Also the music. It just didn’t feel right.

8) The end for Jack is right... but also somehow confusing, like something is omitted. Or SOMEONE. You know whom.

Someone whose absence also made Michael so plain, I suppose.

Jack’s story started with Cas, I think it couldn’t end without him. Jack was so devastated to hear about his death - and all is OK in the finale? ‘Cause he is the Almighty now? And Michael - he was also connected to Cas, we saw it in 14x10, in 15x08 - all the way actually. There should be some mentioning of Cas from Michael I think. Not from the DeanCas point of view - it’s Adam who noticed something in 15x08, not Michael, Michael was angry with Cas. But somehow their connection made Michael stronger as a character. Okay, he is not strong enough to rebel. But that’s Cas who said that! He said that he felt sorry for Michael, that it’s Lucifer who was always the smart one.

Without this context Michael isn’t easy to understand - though we heard that Adam is erased and I liked that. That’s a hint - Michael had a strong will when he had Adam, without Adam he is lost, just like AU!Michael was.

I think he is lost because he killed his Lucifer - in both cases. He gave Chuck his ending - and Chuck can’t respect that, he doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like to win. So Michael couldn’t rebel though he’d known about Chuck’s motives from Cas, and not because of love, but because him being a cuck. And all this will be much more easier to understand with Cas’s mentioning. But NO. We had a dog instead. Like WTF again???

The Jack’s part could be fixed in 15x20 I suppose. But not Michael’s part. Well, sorry for him. Now I must add the myth-arc was also connected with Cas all along. He is not just the main hero’s love interest - well, HE IS, but he has also his role in the plot. HE IS A REAL TRICKSTER of the show, the rebellious one, the rule-breaker - at all levels. So without even MENTIONING him in the main myth-arc all this arc looks like a card house, and not as proper as Luci’s card house from this ep was.

This arc deserved much more better. It deserved Cas as a trickster. Don’t like him even mentioned ‘cause he’s also Dean’s love interest? Well, say good-bye to a proper myth story. And that’s a shame, in my opinion.

‘Cause 15x20 could be 15x19 and vice versa and both eps could win ‘cause of that.

Well, that’s the reality we live in. And we’ve got so much goodness already. We should be thankful for that.

9) Who the hell is curved Jack and Cas’s names on the table? Sam and Dean? Jack? With Mary, it had sense, with all these flashbacks. I understood she curved her name herself. What’s for Cas and Jack? What’s the point? Dead for good? I know that’s NOT the point. So what is it? I can’t understand it here.

We need continuation, guys! :)

31 notes · View notes

watchingspn-blog · 5 years

Text

spn rewatch | wendigo

I’m gonna be real upfront right now. This episode scared the piss out of me when I first saw it. I’m sorry but a crazy fast, perfect hunter who can move faster than you can blink and eats human flesh to survive and can mimic a person’s voice to lure you to them?! I WAS TERRIFIED! It didn’t help that I had just moved into our new house, which is on five acres of land with about four of those acres being nothing but woods. But, for real, I know some of the effects aren’t as good as they could be by today’s standards but I actually loved and was terrified of this episode the first time I saw it, which kind of amped up the scary factor from the pilot for me.

Okay, here we go.

So as if we needed to further cement that this is taking place in glorious 2005, you’ve got two guys playing games on their Nintendo DS’s (RIP pre-Glee Cory Monteith, the only person who could’ve competed with Jared vertically) and then Tommy recording a video on his Blackberry, somehow magically having it perfectly level with his face despite not being able to see the screen as he records. Like seriously that’s the supernatural activity they should be investigating.

Okay but so some of the wendio effects later in the episode are not so great but in this first scene, I think they made some pretty solid choices of just relying on the whole concept of “less is more” and giving mostly scary sounds and rustling trees and making you more afraid of what could be in the forest than creating a scary visual to throw at you right off the bat. Solid scary intro scene.

The cemetery scene. Totally classic shoutout to Carrie. I had just gotten into Stephen King when I started watching Supernatural (honestly I was delving into all kinds of horror themed things at the time) and I’d seen Carrie for the first time not too long before this. Which means not only was I super scared by the jump scare (because I’m still jumpy as fuck to this day), I was also SUPER proud of myself for knowing what they were trying to reference there. I definitely thought I was cool for getting that one. Now, not so much. But the scene still makes me jump.

I really do like the ways they’re kind of trying to establish how the brothers care for each other. Like you know right off the bat in the pilot that their relationship is rough at best and that there’s some pretty obvious toxic masculinity on Dean’s part at least but like you can still see that Dean’s concerned. He’s got his own way of showing it but he’s worried about his little brother.

Side note: just remember that they both had a seriously messed up childhood and the fact that either of them are as close to normal as they are is impressive. Like I think all things considered, they’re pretty well adjusted. Kind of.

This episode is kind of outside the norm compared to future episodes with how Sam and Dean both handle the case when they first get to town. The fact that Sam just wants to go straight to the coordinates John left them while Dean’s the one saying “maybe we should do a little research first” is bizarro. But it also kind of helps show just where Sam’s mind is at at this point. He’s not coming to this as a hunter taking on a case, he’s a man with a vendetta and the next step he needs to take is finding John. He’s fueled by anger and grief and guilt and that kind of reflects when he seems less concerned about what’s going on in the woods and more interested in just getting out there ASAP.

Okay, just like they couldn’t pass as US Marshals, the guys seriously do not look like park rangers at all. Like you guys aren’t even trying come on. And good on Haley for being suspicious even if she did seem to buy into their story for a bit.

BABY HAN SOLO!

I totally did not realize that was Alden Ehrenreich playing Ben until I saw his name on screen at the beginning of the episode. He looks so so so young in this ohmygod. Also think I’ll need to keep a list of like all the crazy celeb cameos of people who got famous after being on the show. Or were already famous but I totally forgot popped up.

For our next super underrated guest star scene of the series, Shaw - the old man who’s parents were taken by a “grizzly” back when he was a kiddo in 1959.

Like seriously, it’s one scene but Donnelly Rhodes (RIP) does an amazing job with the scene and like it kind of leaves me with chills whenever he says that whatever it was didn’t break down the door but unlocked it. Like that’s still hella spooky to me. Also, I still don’t totally understand why the wendigo left him behind. Like you’d think for a monster that is going to have a big ass meal before hibernation would want as much meat as possible. Like yeah a little kid wouldn’t much but he’d be something right?

Also that’s a gnarly scar like how did he survive that.

So Dean talks about it being possibly a skinwalker or a black dog but like looking into what those both actually are I honestly don’t understand why he would think that based on what they know about the attacks. Like black dogs are death omens and skinwalkers wouldn’t be able to do the kind of damage that’s being done considering everyone’s just like “oh it’s a grizzly”. So like I dunno, I guess this might’ve been the writers tossing out references to other creatures to make it sound like Dean knows a bunch but like neither of those would be my first guesses for this case.

Kind of just like “early installment weirdness” but whatever. It’s not a big deal, just me nitpicking.

Okay so Roy is kind of a jackass but like he knows what he’s doing for the most part and he totally doesn’t buy the guys story about beng park rangers for one minute. So like I can respect that. And like if it would’ve been an actual animal attacking people, he might’ve survived but oh well.

I do like that Haley just goes ahead and calls bullshit on the park rangers story before they even go on their adventure but Dean’s whole “it's probably the most honest I've ever been with a woman...ever.” is just kind of cringey.

So all the traipsing through the woods and the “I’m smarter than you” staredown between Roy and Sam is not super interesting but I do like that 1 - we get to see Sam being angry and being emotional in a more volatile way because that’s not often the case as the show goes on - and 2 - we get our iconic line of “saving people, hunting things, the family business” and the whole idea that they’re not supposed to meet up with John but do the jobs he doesn’t have time for while he’s hunting for the demon that killed Mary.

I don’t think I really realized why John would leave them coordinates and the journal when he didn’t plan on actually meeting up with them when I watched this as a kid. I just kind of shrugged it off as like a necessary plot device for the show to progress, didn’t really see it as anything with a deeper meaning. And I think it’s fair that you can’t read too much into after an episode and a half because there’s so much that we don’t know yet about the boys and John and their story and all of that. But like looking at it with the knowledge of their lives and everything, it’s a lot heavier moment to me. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

Okay so the rest of the episode is just encounter monster, piss off monster, get kidnapped by monster, track monster, kill monster. Kind of standard, not super exciting like there’s not a lot to talk about. Dean with his molotov cocktails is kind of fantastic.

The trail of M&Ms is fun and yes better than breadcrumbs. Sam immediately becoming invested in killing the monster once Dean’s been taken gives me all kinds of feels because I love when these two go into protective brother mode. And Dean all banged up with bruises and cuts and dirt is a look I probably shouldn’t like as much as I do but that’s a conversation for another day.

The wendigo does look a little cheesy when you get better glimpses of it because early 00s special effects so it’s definitely for the best they keep things pretty shadowy for the end of the episode. Not the worst looking monster of season one and still scary enough, to me at least.

So this is the episode that seems to start the trend that if there’s a girl involved and her life gets saved by the Winchesters, one of them is going to flirt with her and get some kind of physical affection before they leave town. It doesn’t happen every episode but it happens enough that 26 year old me is rolling my eyes. 14 year old me had no issues with Sam and Dean getting smooches because look at them. But now I’m kind of like this seems a little unnecessary but whatever. It’s not the worst instance and all in all, I actually really liked Haley. I liked the whole Collins family. They were some solid guest characters and I feel like the scenes where Sam and Dean are interacting with them individually does a good job of kind of fleshing out their characters a bit more. It gives a chance for some necessary exposition without feeling too forced.

All in all, solid episode. Scary monster, intensified my fear of the woods, gave some good scenes, iconic lines. Does it have some cheesy moments? Yes. Is it the best episode of the series? No. Does it still scare me when I watch it? 100%.

BODY COUNT: 3 humans (Brad, Gary, Roy); 1 wendigo (our first corporeal monster - also like I’m curious about who the wendigo was before it changed, like how long has it been in the wilderness, how did it wind up at Blackwater Ridge, how it wound up this far west)

RATING: 7.5/10 - yep, I’ll say it. I think this episode is better than the pilot. Not by much but the characters feel a little closer to who they become throughout season one and I feel like you get a better feel for them than we did in the pilot. Also the wendigo scares me more than Sarah Shahi in a sexy nightgown I’m just saying.

#supernatural #supernatural rewatch #dean winchester #sam winchester #watchingspn #so i don't know if anyone's going to read this #i'm literally just rambling into a google doc and then sharing it #also idk if it's better or worse having screencaps in there #i'm figuring this out #idk what i'm doing #i hope someone enjoys my rambling #season one #1x02

16 notes · View notes

florrickandassociates · 5 years

Text

TGF Thoughts: 3x06-- The One with the Celebrity Divorce

One more to go before the new episode! I’m making progress! This recap contains ONLY ONE complaint about Maia!

There’s a promo for Strange Angel tacked on to the front of this episode. I have no interest in it, or, really, in any other CBS All Access show (Twilight Zone intrigues me but I don’t like horror). But, I’m curious: are any of y’all watching other All Access shows? Aside from one episode of One Dollar (which was terrible) and the Big Brother live feeds, I pay for All Access just for TGF. And TGF is the only show, probably ever, I’d be willing to subscribe to an entire service for.

“America Goes Poddy” is a hilariously terrible name for the show’s Pod Save America ripoff.

Diane’s listening to America Goes Poddy (sorry, I’m laughing again, it always gets me when this show uses really juvenile humor) and they’re talking about how now Democrats are doing well in the polls because of ALL THE THINGS THE RESISTANCE DID. “Who are the badasses doing this?” the Poddy Guys ask. They seem to have picked up on the fact these are linked.

One thing that always makes me uncomfortable about TGW/TGF is that sometimes they wind up on the wrong side of the fiction/reality line. This episode will do a fairly good job staying on the right side of it with the Melania stuff later, but I don’t love hearing about how #Resistance has made an impact in the polls when I know it’s fake and it hasn’t done a thing because it’s fake. There’s a way to make political plots high-stakes and realistic (the DNC impeachment stuff last year) and there’s a way to make political plots high-stakes and so unrealistic they can’t be taken seriously (#FlorrickForPresident2016).

GUYS, can I rant about a TGW thing? I was reading Becoming earlier this week (highly recommend, for anyone who still hasn’t picked up a copy) and was reminded of the Obama presidential announcement. This led me to google pictures of the announcement, which in turn led me to realize the 7x06 plot in which Alicia and Peter stand inside a hot gym in winter coats to have an Obama moment is even dumber than I previously believed. And I previously believed it was one of the stupidest things the show’s ever done. See, I had always thought they just copied the venue, which in itself seems like a stunt, but no, they weren’t content to just do that. They also had Alicia wear the same hat and color scarf as Michelle Obama. THIS WOULD NEVER FUCKING WORK; EVERY GODDAMN TALK SHOW WOULD MAKE FUN OF IT, SEASON SEVEN IS THE WORST, UGH.

#Resistance has more members and a new HQ, and they’re celebrating America Goes Poddy’s publicity. Now they want to do even more Resisting and go after Melania.

“I’m sick of just calling us ‘The Resistance,’” Rachelle says. I am too. They are now Book Club. I’m fine with that. It kind of makes me want to start an actual book club. (I don’t talk about it all that much, but I read a ton and always want to discuss books!)

At the office, the partners are arguing about how to handle Blum. Diane points out that Blum could work somewhere other than their office, and that the problem is having him in the building. She’s completely right. If Blum is in their space, with easy access to their files and staffers, he’s going to be harder to get rid of down the line. Adrian either doesn’t see it or doesn’t want to see it and says it’s not necessary to get a separate space. After all, they’re having their (highly paid) investigator watching him round the clock (really amazing use of resources) and he’s not a wizard. This is not a good counter argument. Diane is still right.

Liz’s take is also correct. She just wants to stop giving him attention, and I’m completely on board with that. He is a drain on their time and other resources and he “lives on attention,” so she wants to withhold it. Sounds like a plan to me! And the easiest way to starve him of attention is to send him off to some bland office space far away from anyone else. If he’s smashing windows and provoking every associate in his path, he’s going to be hard to ignore.

I like Marissa’s strategy for dealing with Blum too. She doesn’t let anything he says faze her (even when he talks about fucking her mother), replies back with snark, and eventually just starts singing show tunes in his face.

Marissa starts monologuing while Blum’s in the bathroom-- about how Blum is Jewish, about how he’s horrible but she likes him a little because he’s funny, and about how she can’t let him know she finds him amusing. I wish this monologue were a little longer; I think Sarah Steele does a really phenomenal job with it.

Lucca takes a meeting with Tituss Burgess (well, his character’s name is Wade V, but I’m so distracted by the familiar face!). He has a client who wants to speak with Lucca about a post-nup, but the client is a celebrity (he is a celebrity hairdresser) so everything’s top secret.

Jay does some digging to uncover who the star client might be. Did no one tell the person who populated the fake webpage with images that Megan Hilty is a character on this show? Or is it a strange little easter egg that she’s on this page, twice?

When Jay finds a picture of Wade V with Kim Kardashian, he decides that she MUST be his client and takes his hunch to both Lucca and Adrian immediately.

Just want to call out how much I love the face Lucca makes after Jay tells her it’s Kim Kardashian. She looks so amused and stunned!

Wade V’s client calls a burner phone. Lucca talks into it and gets no reply.

Adrian comes to Lucca’s office immediately after Wade leaves. He’s VERY excited about the Kimye divorce and wants to make a huge show. This is obviously the wrong call, and Lucca pushes back. “Lucca, this is a really big deal,” Adrian explains as though Lucca isn’t aware. Lucca pushes back more and explains her reasons for wanting it private; Adrian relents.

I’m enjoying the Lucca/Jay dynamic. It’s playful.

Blum has a half-naked woman parading through the office. Go away, please.

Adrian talks to Blum about how he has too many “personnel” accompanying him. You know where this would not be a problem? In a separate office facility, like Diane suggested. Adrian, you’re smart, but other people are sometimes allowed to have good ideas too.

Watching Blum seems like a terrible use of Marissa’s time. She’s good at it, but she’s also good at her real job.

Diane’s getting pretty serious about her axe throwing: she’s looking to buy her own set of axes.

Word has spread that there’s a Kardashian coming into the offices, and several associates decide to hot desk in reception.

I like that there are now a few named associates that I recognize. Even if they get, like, one line an episode, their presence makes it feel like the leads aren’t the only employees of the firm.

Lucca’s noon meeting arrives, and it’s not with a Kardashian. It’s with a blonde named Zelda. Jay tells Adrian they got a little ahead of themselves. Oh, really??? Googling his clients and deciding it must be Kim K, then spreading the word, wasn’t a good strategy?! I’m so shocked.

Zelda isn’t the client either. She hands Lucca a burner phone that immediately begins to ring. The woman on the phone has a thick Slovenian accent, and Lucca realizes that she’s talking to (someone who is supposed to be) Melania Trump.

And now it’s time for a song!

I don’t have much to say about the substance of this case, but they pull this off as best they can. Since the writers never confirm it is or isn’t Melania, the episode feels more character driven (how would these characters respond if…) and it doesn’t really matter if it’s realistic or not.

Lucca tells Jay she’s not sure if what just happened was a joke or not. She asks him to dig into Zelda Raye.

Marissa’s still trailing Blum. He runs into Lemond Bishop, and they start chatting. Marissa doesn’t stop him. Very effective. Almost as effective as having him in a separate space where he can’t run into anyone.

Lucca and Jay inform the partners (the ones that matter) about Melania. Liz laughs and Diane and Adrian look stunned. Liz doesn’t buy it: why would Melania want an opinion from a mid-sized firm, in Chicago, with mostly African American lawyers? Good question.

Liz and Diane convene an emergency meeting of the RBL chapter of Book Club to discuss whether this is a prank, a trap set by a mole within Book Club, or something for real.

Bishop wants to hire Blum in addition to RBL. Well, that was predictable.

Bishop gave $200,000 to Georgetown, because Dylan’s aged up several years and Georgetown is the only school these writers acknowledge. I hope Bishop didn’t get any college bribery advice from Flicka. Sounds like he “bribed” the admissions office the normal way, though.

Diane buys some fancy axes.

Zelda shows up at Lucca’s house with a ringing phone. It’s “Melania”. Lucca advises her to bring up divorce and Melania wants to get off the phone. Then Lucca mentions annulment, and Melania’s intrigued.

“America Goes Poddy” is still hilarious.

Diane and Liz tell the Book Club their theory about the leak-- and disclose that there’s a potential Melania divorce at their firm. Is that legal to disclose? Rachelle thinks there’s a chance it’s real.

Polly! That’s Young One Who Does Computer Things’s name!

Marissa’s still singing the same song at Blum. Heh.

Blum calls Julius in and offers to pull some strings and get him his judgeship. Julius turns it down and Marissa calls him out on it. She advises him to take Blum up on his offer and then piss him off later-- it’s what her father does, after all.

Wade arrive with a hatbox full of burners. One immediately starts buzzing and Lucca fumbles to find it.

“Melania” praises Lucca’s advice and says she wants a divorce. Lucca gets suspicious and asks about a well-known Melania impersonator. (I’m a little sad we didn’t get Laura Benanti on this episode.)

Vernon Jordan is back! He was in an early TGW ep, too.

Has the n-word been used on TGF before? Or is this scene the first time?

Zelda storms into Lucca’s office and begins to grab the burner phones like a child. Zelda’s firing Lucca, but it’s clear from her words and actions that this is coming from Zelda, not “Melania”.

“You’re mean!” Zelda exclaims as she stomps out. This is one of my favorite scenes of the episode simply because it’s SO WEIRD. “What the fuck?” Lucca mutters to herself before Zelda rushes back in to grab the phones AGAIN.

Jay intervenes, Zelda leaves, and Lucca and Jay start cracking up. This is delightfully absurd.

Julius takes Blum up on his offer. He also eats lettuce. Yes, that’s worth noting. If you’ve seen this scene, you understand what I mean.

“Melania” asks Lucca for the pee tape, which she knows is at RBL. This is news to Lucca. “We got played,” Diane responds the second she hears. I lean towards agreeing. There are too many coincidences here and not enough reasons Melania would go to Lucca out of all the lawyers. Could she choose the firm because it has the tape and still also think it’s a good firm? Maybe, but the firm having the tape would still be more important than the firm itself…

Lucca slowly realizes her firm has the Golden Shower tape. And no one told her.

Apparently Zelda also represents the Melania impersonator. Meh. Now Lucca’s supposed to break off all contact, which is probably the safe move.

“You told the receptionist to answer the phone, ‘Law offices of Roland Blum?’” Diane reprimands Blum. And the receptionist AGREED to do this? This is why he needs to NOT BE IN THEIR OFFICES. There is a clear solution here! I have no patience for Blum and even less patience for arguments about avoidable situations.

Bishop fired Charles Lester because he wants Blum. Damn. See, this is why you don’t take Bishop on as a client. It’s what I was just saying about avoidable situations: if you don’t want to ever have to decide if you want to let an obnoxiously loud man into your firm because he’s buddies with a drug dealer client of yours, you can start by not having a drug dealer client.

Wade comes back to talk Lucca into representing “Melania” again-- he offers a face to face meeting. Lucca accepts, then lies to Liz about it. This could blow up in her face, but I think she knows what she’s doing and it’s a calculated risk: if she goes and it is something real, Liz and the rest of the partners aren’t going to care that Lucca disobeyed them. And if she goes and it’s not real or it’s suspicious, who’s going to find out? (Well, unless there are cameras and/or it’s dangerous to go, but the chances of that seem slim to none.)

(Speaking of cameras, we ever going to acknowledge that Maia fucked someone on the office conference table and it was caught on camera or nah?)

OMG I haven’t even mentioned that Maia IS NOT IN THIS EPISODE yet. I forgot about her. She’s still credited and I don’t think she’s gone for good, but I can’t imagine there’s any Maia arc worth paying Rose Leslie for at least two episodes where she doesn’t have to do a thing. I do wonder if they’re phasing Maia out for S4, though.

Speaking of S4: YAY FOR RENEWAL!

Diane again suggests moving Blum offsite. PLEASE TAKE HER UP ON THIS.

Adrian explains that Blum is “a different flavor from what we’re used to” which is EXACTLY THE TYPE OF BULLSHIT LANGUAGE THAT KEEPS ABUSIVE WHITE MEN IN POWER. He is “a different flavor” and whatever flavor he is is unacceptable.

I also like Liz’s reaction to Blum: “I ignore him.” Unfortunately, Liz may be able to ignore him, but as we’ve seen already, others don’t have that much self-control. And no one should be expected to have that much self-control! Sure, Marissa and Liz can handle themselves around Blum-- but the receptionist couldn’t. Maia couldn’t. And while I blame Maia for her actions, she never would have acted out the way she did if the firm had supervised her properly while she was working with Blum.

The vote doesn’t go Diane’s way, so she goes to throw axes. Blum follows her there. She wants nothing to do with him, but he keeps blabbering. Shut up!

“I’m happy to become you in order to get you the fuck out of my way,” Diane tells Blum. I want to see that. (No one this season believes in the high road! Not a bad thing, necessarily-- just an observation.)

Lucca goes to the hotel room where she’s supposed to meet Melania, and “Melania” appears in shadow. That’s… about what I expected. So we never get an answer about if it’s her or if it’s not. That’s fine with me. I don’t really want an answer.

La la la, this scene is really long, I don’t care. The point is that she’s in shadow; I don’t care about anything else she’s saying because it’s either a fake who is a fake on the show, or someone who’s supposed to be real that is actually fake. Either way, why should I care?

“Melania” mentions the pee tape again, at which point it becomes clear (to Lucca) that this is not Melania. It’s also clear to me it isn’t her, but I have the benefit of knowing I’m watching a fictional tv show.

#tgfthoughts

6 notes · View notes

starwarsstreettalk · 5 years

Text

Kylo Ren is Building a Mystery

Kylo Ren is still a mysterious character after two movies. Is he evil? Is he just misunderstood? Was he brainwashed by Snoke? Will he be able to “snap out of it” in time to reconcile with his mother and not destroy the Resistance? Will he every reconcile with Lando or Chewie, or his mother?

You come out at night That's when the energy comes And the dark side's light And the vampires roam ... (song by Sarah McLaughlan)

Kylo Ren, you’re building a mystery!

The Background Story we need in Episode IX

Ben Solo as a child

I happen to think that we could use at least one flashback of an innocent boy being “seduced” to the dark side by Snoke during Ben’s childhood to remind us of what Leia said to Han in the Force Awakens as the driving force for Ben to become lost and join the Dark Side. We need to sew the seed that was planted in the first movie of the series.

Young Ben Solo screams “Come Back!”

I also think we could there be a flashback of Ben of calling out “Come back!” the same way young Rey did on Jakku when he is being dropped off with Luke by his mother and father at the Jedi temple. The common childhood trauma and sense of abandonment became the common bond between Kylo Ren and Rey. When Kylo Ren looked into Rey’s mind, he saw a kindred spirit, someone he could actual relate to and actually felt sorry for. I suspect that they will both realize eventually that their parents didn’t abandon them, at least not out of a lack of love, but to protect them.

Lor San Tekka Easter Egg?

Will Richard E Grant play a younger Lor San Tekka in flashback? Kylo Ren tells Lor San Tekka - “You’ve become so old!” Wouldn’t it be great if we went back to a scene in the past where they interacted and this somehow had something to do with the overall storyline?

What Really REALLY happened the night of the destruction of the temple

Sometimes, I get this feeling like nobody is giving Kylo Ren a chance to explain himself, like things are never really what they seem. Like when Luke and Kylo had different memories of what happened in Ben’s hut the night of their falling out. Could it be that the slaughter of innocent Jedi trainees isn’t the only thing Luke got wrong? Luke was trapped in the hut. Does he really know what happened play by play? Was it a slaughter or was Ben in the fight for his life?

Will we see another flashback to the night of the destruction at the temple? Maybe when Ben comes out of the hutt, some of the other students try to avenge Luke and kill Ben and he has to defend himself? Or maybe the other students (potentially the Knights of Ren) killed them and Ben only burned down the temple? Does it matter?

Episode IX Predictions

1) How Kylo Ren will “finish what his grandfather started”, as he alluded to in his chambers in the Force Awakens.

possible options:

a. Destroy the last of the Jedi (This was Darth Vader’s orders. Why would this be a goal of his if he didn’t even know there were other Jedi at the beginning of the Force Awakens)

b. Bring balance to the force (This was a prophecy about Anakin, not his goal)

c. Defeat the Rebellion and bring order to the galaxy (maybe this is why Kylo thinks his grandfather was after... this may be where he is going in the beginning of the story. But what did he really know about his grandfather? Does Kylo Ren see Dark Vader as his grandfather or Anakin Skywalker? Does he understand the difference?)

d. Save the ones that he loves (Sentimentally, this seems like it could end up being the way he ACTUALLY finishes what his grandfather started. Anakin couldn’t save his mother, he couldn’t save his father, and ultimately he couldn’t save himself. An appearance by Anakin Skywalker’s ghost or vision, if only to knock some sense into his grandson, could provide Kylo Ren the true meaning of what his destiny was meant to be. d. is my vote.

2) The Kessel Run less than 12 parsecs

I have this great image in my mind of Kylo Ren/Ben being on the Milennium Falcon again. They deleted a scene from the Force Awakens where he was on the Falcon. Could the last movie be a better moment for Kylo Ren to make peace with his relationship with father by flying the Falcon? Instead of destroying the Falcon, will he use the Falcon to save the day? I, personally, would love to see Ben actually hold the dice again for real. We know from one of the novels that Ben played with as a child. There are happy memories in his past. I also had this idea that he would beat or almost his father’s record of making the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. The Kessel Run escape was the most famous and epic accomplishment for the Falcon and Han Solo in his flying career. Something like this would have driven his father crazy but also made him proud.

3) We see an encounter or reconciliation between Ben and Lando

Lando has been Han’s very good friend. Ben thinks of Lando as an “Uncle” in one of the Solo novels. Wouldn’t it be neat to see these two come face to face after so much water under the bridge with Han’s Death? Maybe Lando pulls Kylo by the ear and gives him a bit of a talking to, asking him “Why, Ben??? Why did you DO IT?” I can just hear Billy Dee Williams giving him quite the talking to.

4) We can see an encounter or reconciliation between Kylo/Ben and Chewie

I’m sure Chewie is still pissed off with Kylo/Ben. But let’s think. Chewbacca was Han’s buddy. He was like an uncle or godfather to Ben, and he is a protector of the Solo family. He would have been there all throughout Ben’s childhood, bouncing the little baby on his knee when he was a toddler, before he started show signs of coming under Snoke’s spell and being sent to be trained by Luke in the ways of the Force. Maybe there will be a scene where Kylo/Ben is almost going to die and Chewie sacrifices himself for Ben in the end. This is his best friend’s SON!! Chewie will not try to kill Ben/Kylo again unless he is about to hurt Leia or Rey. Family is family. The Star Wars story is about family.

Speaking of Rey, Chewie really likes her and he will protect her too, even to the death if necessary. If Kylo and Rey end up on the same side, will Chewie accept Ben back into the family? I can almost imagine Ben breaking down in sorrow to Chewbacca and somehow they embrace at the very end. I can see Ben, Rey and Chewie also together in some scene in this movie.

5) Kylo Ren tries to save his mother

Anakin did not save his mother in time. He consequently slaughtered the Tusken Raiders, women and children included, starting him down the path to the dark side. What if Kylo Ren is also faced with the same challenge of deciding whether or not he will or can save his mother from some First Order attack? What if Hux is about to execute some rogue mission and Leia is the target? Kylo Ren gets to her location just as an explosion goes off and he rescues her in time! And in this act, he begins his path in the opposite direction, towards the light?

Alternatively, not being able to save his mother could be the catalyst needed to turn Kylo Ren into someone who would turn on the First Order after seeing excessive show of force and death. I can see Kylo Ren holding his mother in his arms as she dies and touches his cheek and says “I love you” and he says “I know.” Her death could cause Kylo to rethink his future and also end up in the comforting arms of Rey.

Kylo Ren as Big Bad Dark Villain - a red herring?

Before the Force Awakens even came out, we knew he would be the villain. The merchandising, the costume, the menacing voice and killing someone in the first few minutes of the movie - before we find out he is THE ONLY SON of Han and Leia. Is this a trick by the story writers to get us to fall for false stereotypes? Are we all this gullible to fall for the oldest trick in the book? Didn’t Professor Snape end up being a good guy in the Harry Potter series?

More Screen Time for Kylo

I also think we’ll get more Kylo Ren in this movie (= more minutes of screentime) and also the story will be equal focus on him and Rey, maybe even more on Kylo. We have not seen HIS point of view yet. We have only see Kylo Ren through Rey and Luke’s eyes.

Summary

I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts on this character but without really knowing anything about the main plot of the movie, the fate of Kylo Ren is still nebulous. But I do think there will be a redemption in the end. My only question is whether or not he survives. But if we don’t want to see an exact copy of Return of the Jedi - he will hopefully survive, save the day, get the girl, and come back into the Light side of the Force.

#kylo ren #star wars #star wars episode ix

1 note · View note

starwarsnonsense · 6 years

Text

Top 10 Best Films of 2017 - End of Year List

I did a mid-year ‘best of’ list, so it was only fitting that I returned to the format at the end of the year to run down my top 10 favourite films of the year. Only three films from my mid-year list remain here, which is a testament to what an incredible year it has been for film. As far as I’m concerned, 2017 has been a real banner year for cinema and it has seen the release of several all-time greats that I look forward to enjoying for many years to come.

Since I’m based in the UK there will be several notable omissions here (I still eagerly await films like Phantom Thread, I, Tonya and The Post), purely by dint of the fact that they have yet to be released in this country. Do look out for them in my forthcoming most-anticipated of 2018 list!

Honourable mentions: Custody, Brimstone, The Disaster Artist, Professor Marston & the Wonder Women, Call Me By Your Name

1. Star Wars: The Last Jedi, dir. Rian Johnson

While the placement of this film on my list may be resoundingly predictable (check out the total lack of bias signalled by my username!), the thrilling thing is that the film itself is anything but. The Last Jedi shatters the Star Wars mould to entertain new forms of storytelling and question long-held assumptions. It’s a shockingly meta story in how it questions the conventions of Star Wars - particularly those concerning lineage and its implications - but it is never meta in an ironic sense. There are no wink, wink moments, and while the past is investigated and questioned it is never mocked. Instead of descending into irreverence, The Last Jedi is meta in a way that feels absolutely necessary and justified if Star Wars is to remain fresh and vital as it moves forward. Bloodline and history do not have to dictate destiny in this new version of Star Wars - the heroes are those who understand this, and the villains are the ones who fail to grasp the same lesson. It’s a beautiful and intellectually rigorous movie, and I’m thrilled by how it elevates and re-contextualises the stories that came before it while pushing the characters and their relationships forward. I have no idea of where Episode IX will take this story, and that is incredibly exciting to me. Bring it on.

2. Blade Runner 2049, dir. Denis Villeneuve

There are a million and one reasons why this movie shouldn’t have worked, but Villeneueve proved his genius by making a sublime sci-fi picture that actually surpasses its predecessor. I have always admired the original Blade Runner more than I’ve enjoyed it, and that’s because I have always found it emotionally distant. Deckard struck me as a mumbling arse and his romance with Rachael always felt obligatory, not organic. The genius of Blade Runner 2049 lies in how it made me care - it made me care about the love between Deckard and Rachael (which was something of a miracle in itself), and it made me care about the love between K and his holographic girlfriend Joi. With these emotional hooks in place, everything worked as a thrilling symphony. The cinematography is easily the best of any film in 2017 (sorry, Dunkirk - I still love you) and this film has an astonishing number of scenes that still linger in my mind after many months - the very modern threesome, the shootout in the gaudy pleasure palace, the fight in the rain, the father seeing his child for the first time. It’s a breathtaking film and I couldn’t be more excited to see what Villeneuve does next.

3. Dunkirk, dir. Christopher Nolan

Dunkirk is such a striking and effective piece of cinema that it actually made me overcome my innate bias against war movies (I blame too many tedious Sunday afternoons wasted on mandatory viewings of The Great Escape at my grandparents’ house). With Dunkirk, Nolan has probably made his most accomplished and sophisticated movie - it starts off unbearably tense and doesn’t release its grip on your pulse until the final scene, when its hero finally drops off to the blessed peace of sleep. Nolan employs a tricksy converging structure with multiple plot strands to ramp up the tension and provide different perspectives on the evacuation, masterfully playing them off each other to assemble the big picture. While criticised by some for its apparent lack of character, I can’t really agree with that assessment - Dunkirk is probably the most powerfully humanistic war film I’ve ever seen, and by stripping its characters down to their rawest selves it reveals some uncomfortable yet powerful truths about all of us. The characters are somewhat distant from us - we never hear them pine for lovers or miss their mothers - but the removal of these storytelling shorthands leaves us with soldiers who behave exactly as you would expect frightened, stranded children to. And there’s something terrifyingly poignant about that.

4. mother!, dir. Darren Aronofsky

mother! is the work of a madman with no fucks to give, and it is what I choose to refer to as ‘peak Aronofsky’. He made what is clearly an allegory, and while he had his own intentions with said allegory (which he has been very loud about declaring) the film is so cleverly constructed that it can simultaneously be about the entire history of the world and the plight of the tortured artist’s muse - either reading is perfectly correct and supported by the text. mother! is a piece of art that has provoked a lively and frequently heated debate, and while it needs to be read as an allegory to make any kind of sense as a narrative I also don’t want to undersell this movie as an emotional experience. If you go into mother! willing to be challenged and content to be swept up in a bold artistic vision, it has the potential to be a really absorbing and engrossing film - it is anchored by Jennifer Lawrence’s remarkably brave and unrestrained performance. She is not playing a grounded character, but her performance is palpably real and frequently painful to witness - she portrays the whole spectrum of emotions, from mild bemusement to shrieking horror, and the whole film soars on the strength of her efforts. This is a uniquely strength and esoteric film, and I am incredibly happy that it exists.

5. Get Out, dir. Jordan Peele

This film really knocked me for six, to such an extent that I simply had to see it twice in the cinema. It got even better upon a re-watch, when I was able to watch it with full knowledge of the characters’ underlying motives and the things to come. It’s a terrifying concept (the racism of an all-white suburb is taken to a horrifying extreme) executed with incredible panache, and you feel every emotion that Chris goes through thanks to Daniel Kaluuya’s excellent performance. Get Out also represents one of the most brilliantly communal experiences I’ve ever had at the cinema - I won’t spoil it, but let’s just say that the audience erupted into spontaneous applause at a key moment in the climax. Simply fantastic.

6. The Handmaiden, dir. Park Chan-wook

This film is exquisite - it’s first and foremost a beautiful boundary-smashing love story, and an absolutely marvellous tale of female defiance. It transplants Sarah Waters’ novel Fingersmith to 1930s Korea, and the story is effortlessly adapted to become intrinsically interwoven with its new setting. Sookee is a talented pickpocket plucked from a thieves den and sent as a handmaiden to trick a rich heiress into falling for a conman. To say any more would spoil the twists, but this film is just a masterwork of suspense, keeping you guessing throughout a series of interlocking pieces that take their time to reveal their secrets. I’ve seen the theatrical cut and the extended version, and they’re both great - you’re in for a treat with either.

7. The Florida Project, dir. Sean Baker

This is one of the best screen depictions of childhood I’ve ever seen. Our hero here is Moonee, a smart-tongued and cheeky six-year-old. Moonee lives in a motel room with her abrasive but loving mother, but since she’s a child she doesn’t mope or lament her poverty - she takes her surroundings for granted and makes the tacky shops and hotels that form her world her very own theme park. The Florida Project is firmly committed to adopting a child’s eye perspective, and while it can feel a bit meandering to begin with it gradually accumulates pace and purpose, building to an utterly heartbreaking and unforgettable climax. The performances here are extraordinary, and Brooklynn Prince is so palpably real as Moonee that she’ll own your heart by the end of the movie (having squeezed it to bursting point on several occasions).

8. The Shape of Water, dir. Guillermo del Toro

I’ve long been a huge del Toro cheerleader, and this movie is perhaps best described as ‘peak del Toro’ - it has the mannered, detail-oriented set design, the charming quirkiness, the subverted horror, and the woozily strange romance that he has employed again and again in his films. This story, however, is unusual for del Toro in that it is ultimately optimistic and hopeful - it’s the daddy of all supernatural romances in that it is a full-blown love story between a mute human woman and a fishman, and it is characterised by total commitment and self-belief. Think Creature from the Black Lagoon done with the creature as the romantic hero. The Shape of Water has a certain playfulness that means it never feels ponderous or silly, but it affords its characters real respect and dignity and makes you care for them deeply. This movie makes me excited to see where genre filmmaking can go next (hint: I hope it only gets weirder).

9. Thelma, dir. Joachim Trier

Who knew something like this could come out of Norway? This was probably my biggest pleasant surprise of 2017 in terms of film - I went in with no expectations at all, and came out wowed. This is an intensely strange and effective supernatural horror that follows a girl with strange repressed powers that manifest whenever she experiences desire. It could be a hackneyed or exploitative premise in the hands of a lesser filmmaker, but Trier shows a deft hand and a remarkable talent for building tension and creating a sense of heightened reality. There is one scene set to ‘Mountaineers’ by Susanne Sundfor that is one of the most transporting experiences I have ever had in the cinema - the combination of the ethereal music and the mounting suspense makes for real film magic. This was a great reminder of how important it is to take chances and try out films outside your comfort zone.

10. Jackie, dir. Pablo Larrain

This is a film that soars on the strength of Natalie Portman’s incredible performance, which is complemented by Mica Levi’s haunting score. Portman’s performance is painfully vivid, with her agony and wretchedness coming through so intensely that it’s often uncomfortable to watch. Jackie is probably the best portrait of grief I’ve ever seen, and it sucks you into a famous historic event by providing an incredibly intimate perspective on it. This is great cinema, but be prepared for suffering.

#best of the year #film #cinema #the last jedi #blade runner 2049 #dunkirk #mother!#get out #the handmaiden #the florida project #the shape of water #thelma #jackie

207 notes · View notes

tha3 · 6 years

Photo

THE PLOT. Since graduating high school, things have slowed down for teen hero Kim Possible---for one thing, she’s well into her first year as an international diplomacy major at Georgeville University. For another, the save-the-world business has slowed down considerably since the super villain community has begun following in Dr. Drakken’s footsteps and turned over a leaf for the greater good. Mad scientists are now just scientists, and everyone else is putting their skills toward helping the planet instead of conquering it. But when someone close to Kim disappears mysteriously and the only trace of evidence is an all-too-familiar message, it’s clear that someone isn’t ready to give up on the game, and it’s up to Kim to fall back into mission mode and solve this sitch before it turns sour. [ LISTEN ON SPOTIFY ]

I’M A REBEL JUST FOR KICKS. Slow fade onto the rooftop of a building. All is peaceful and still for a few short moments, before a grappling hook anchors onto the ledge and moments later, a familiar redhead climbs onto the structure. Within seconds she’s detaching the grate leading into the main ventilation shaft and crawling through. Wade talks to her through an earpiece, directing her through the various tunnels until she’s reached her destination. With practiced ease she removes the vent and falls through the hole, landing perfectly in a seat..... in the back of a political science lecture about balance of power.

SO YOUNG. Follows Kim throughout her typical day of lectures, presentations, club activities, and stopping in and out of her dorm room, paying special attention to all the missed calls and voicemails and hours unread texts between her and Ron. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or something....

SARAH SMILES. Kim finally catching a phone call from Ron before cheer practice. All is well and good, until the call drops. After a few attempts at calling back, she gives up and heads to practice.

SORRY NOT SORRY. Montage shots of Georgeville’s cheerleading team practicing. Despite the rigor of the routines, it’s clear the squad gets along---a nice change of pace from the constant competition and bickering from high school, though it’s clear Kim’s not all present today. And when the familiar call of her Kimmunicator goes off, she knows there’s good reason for her mind to wander....

COME WITH ME NOW. After getting word from Wade about reports of a blonde college student being dragged away with a blue-skinned man, and the contents of a voicemail left by Ron’s phone that definitely wasn’t from him, it’s clear that someone is up to their old tricks. Tracking down the whereabouts of a certain sidekick sets Kim off to pursue her first lead.

BOYS WANT TO BE HER. Cut to The Silk Underground, a clandestine club host to the highest rollers in the crime scene---Kim enters from the roof, sneaking in a similar fashion to the start of the movie, while Shego struts in from the entrance like she owns the place---and these days? She very well might.

BALLROOM BLITZ. A fight breaks out between Kim and Shego when Kim throws the first punch; between hits, she quickly finds out that Drakken isn’t behind Ron’s kidnapping---he’s missing, too, and Shego’s there for the same reason Kim is; unfortunately, reaching a mutual understanding isn’t enough to quell the brawl breaking out all over the club. The two work together to escape the club---Kim acting as the distraction while Shego gets what she came for: information, in any form necessary.

SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT. Kim and Shego driving away from downtown and to a location off-the-grid so that whoever they’re trying to find (hopefully) can’t track them.

PANIC STATION. Kim and Shego going over the intel they’ve gathered, piecing the puzzle together. It slowly begins to dawn on them that there’s something huge at work---and if they don’t watch their steps, they could fall right into the trap of Professor Pestis.

BELIEVER. Kim and Shego receive an ultimatum: give into the demands of Professor Pestis and accept defeat, or say goodbye to their loved ones forever. Cuts into a montage of both Kim and Shego preparing for a fight like no other, including an upgraded battlesuit for Kim and high-tech bladed weaponry for Shego.

STONE COLD CRAZY. Already banged up from getting into the fortress of Professor Pestis, a freed Drakken and Ron, along with Kim and Shego, find themselves face-to-face with Pestis’ main guard, and Pestis themself.

I LIKE ME BETTER. Post-battle. Pestis and the remaining goons are rounded up and sent off to high-security government prison, while Kim finishes giving her statement to officers and goes to join Ron as paramedics finish patching up superficial wounds. It’s the first time they’ve had a moment together face-to-face in months. They can’t help but share an embrace and a kiss. Drakken and Shego sit off in the distance, shaking their heads, as if thinking ‘teenagers---pfft.’ It doesn’t stop Shego from resting her head on Drakken’s shoulder. He doesn’t hesitate in wrapping an arm around her. This is familiar. This is good.

LAST OF THE REAL ONES. main credits.

#kim possible #kimpossibleedit #playlist #this isn't a real movie #but i wish it was

41 notes · View notes

fadedtoblue · 6 years

Text

My thoughts on The Punisher

Surprise, surprise -- I have (extremely scattershot) thoughts about The Punisher!

The husband and I binged this over the past 3 days (2 episodes Thursday @ midnight, 5 episodes Friday night, and 6 episodes over Saturday) and given its unrelenting intensity I’m pretty sure there are a lot of details I’m not going to fully grasp until I watch this again, but overall impression -- super solid. I would still personally rank it under Daredevil (sorry, he’s always gonna be my number 1!!), but I think it jockeys for second position with Jessica Jones? This particular show did some things amazingly well that the others haven’t, I think largely due to the fact that it was a standalone series, separate from the Defenders, and didn’t need to mess around with rationalizing any superheroics or powers -- at its core, it’s an intense and violent 13-hour examination of Frank Castle, who incidentally exists in a world with superheroes. But anyway, let’s dive in -- it should go without saying that spoilers absolutely abound after the cut...

Let’s start with the good stuff:

Jon Bernthal as Frank. Listen, whether you loved or hated the show, it can’t be denied that Jon absolutely kills it as Frank. This show lives and dies on those fine as hell shoulders and he brings it in every stage of Frank we see on screen. I liked that they never shied away from all of the messy parts of him -- geez, when he’s holding a freaking knife to Zack’s neck...worst parental pep talk ever? Or when he’s genuinely encouraging Lewis to blow himself up. And the unflinching way he goes about his kills. But as you can imagine, it’s those moments when he loses his grip on his steely control, when he can’t rely on his rage to hold him together...those were my favorite ones. When he has those aching moments with Karen by the waterfront and in the elevator. When he realizes that Russo knew about the mission that would kill Maria and the kids. We know Frank does rage well but I’m glad we didn’t fully leave behind broken, grieving Frank either.

Well-drawn side characters, especially those that had a direct relationship with Frank. As far as main character relationships go, Frank and Micro pretty much made it for me? They balanced each other so well and were such assholes...yet caring assholes lol. I don’t even think I could keep track of how many times I just burst out laughing during their scenes. Frank explicitly trying to fuck with him by visiting Sarah, Frank tying Micro naked to the chair (of course he would), Micro pushing Frank around in the chair (hee), any exchanges that had to do with food (lol the sandwich bit), the drunk shit-talking...I loved it all. Part of me hopes that David can just live a happy, quiet life with his family and not get pulled into this shit anymore but I’m sure that’s not happening...which makes me feel torn haha.

Frank and Karen were a highlight as well. It was definitely very measured amounts of interaction, but I felt like they didn’t waste a second of it. And the way it culminated was quite emotional, but earned. Like that amazing scene in the elevator with Karen, absolutely beat up and exhausted and nearly broken and the only thing keeping them standing in that moment is that unspoken thing between the two of them -- they want so much to lean into each other and just stop but they know they can’t. She knows he can’t. And her implicit support and encouragement for him to continue on was a really strong character beat. There’s no way they don’t see each other again in DDS3 as far as I’m concerned.

After that, I did like what they did with his connections to Curtis and Billy, I definitely bought all of them as members of the same unit and connected by this unspoken code / brotherhood. I had issues with some of the background motivations which I’ll bring up later but...yeah, I was just like DAMN Frank actually has some really good friends! I’ll call out Billy briefly here, because shit, he was SO MESSED UP but I think they did a really good job evolving his position as Frank’s grieving brother in arms in the beginning of the series to someone who has gone crazy from losing everything he’s worked for and I’m already shivering a little to imagine the pain he’s going to lay at the feet of Frank Castle and characters like Dinah...ugh ugh ugh! But anyway, well done by Ben Barnes!

Considerate approach to examining grief, PTSD and veteran’s issues. Okay, I’m really not super knowledgeable about PTSD and veteran’s issues in general so I’m only speaking from my own limited opinion, but the way it was approached on this show felt...fresh? It was handled with respect -- mainly in showing how different people process and deal with that trauma differently...you could see that in Frank, Curtis, Billy, and Lewis -- but at the same time worked as an unflinching examination of how the system fails...so that part was really solid. At first I wasn’t entirely sure why we were spending so much time with Curtis and the support group and these slightly caricatured individuals but I think it paid off in the end. Lewis was a struggle for me at first but I ultimately think he was an extremely necessary story to tell because he does encapsulate all of the failures the show was trying to examine and I think Frank needed to confront someone like him over the course of this show.

And the examination of grief. I’ll touch upon what they did with Sarah in this section because I think that’s basically the purpose she was meant to serve with Frank. I’m sure some people weren’t super thrilled with how much it got drawn out, but I don’t know, it really kind of worked for me? Obviously Frank makes first contact simply to freak Micro the fuck out (and it works), but at a certain point, it’s essentially forced into continued contact with Sarah and the kids and despite his best efforts, I think he starts to confront his own issues and demons regarding Maria and the kids through this connection with a woman who actually has a unique and powerful understanding of exactly what he’s going through. And these meetings are almost like therapy for him? I can’t imagine he’s ever had a safe space to process all of the ways he feels like he��s let his family down. And I think he is able to work through some of this by talking to Sarah, by connecting with the kids. This is really something Frank the character needed. As far as the romantic overtones? Undertones? I found it quite realistic actually. I liked that the show towed a grey area with it for a while, and if you think a single mother of two kids who is still intensely grieving the loss of her husband and her children’s father wouldn’t respond romantically to this man who keeps showing up and essentially fixing her life? I was super opposed to the idea of Frank kissing Sarah but I think the way they did it worked. They were very clear that it was a response borne out of her own struggles, and Frank makes it very clear to her and to Micro that this doesn’t mean anything to him. If you see how Sarah reacts to Micro in the last couple of episodes (damn it was a gutpunch) then you wouldn’t worry about what she thinks about Frank Castle!

Episodic pacing + interesting storytelling devices. People usually gripe and grouse that Netflix shows have pacing issues but I felt like Punisher (even with my minor issues with plot and stuff) really kept me engaged through the entire run. None of the episodes felt like filler or stopped the story in its tracks (which has definitely happened on all of the other Marvel Netflix series). They also took some fun risks with storytelling structure, particularly in 1x05 (with the ambush on Gunnar’s property being mainly told via body cam) and 1x10 (with the time jumps / intercutting between various POV, both reliable and not) -- it was things like that which kept the show chugging along at an exciting pace.

The not so good?

Lackluster conspiracy plot / overall antagonist. So listen, I want to be clear that I liked Dinah Midani, so I hate that I’m talking about her in the context of the not so good stuff -- she injected a dynamic the show needed, which was a strong ass female character that doesn’t really need men for anything, and more specifically, doesn’t really need the “hero” of the show for anything either (except you know, a witness statement lol)! I loved the moments we had with her and Billy (even though, UGH BILLY!!! That washing her off in the tub scene gave me legit shivers and rage) and even the briefer moments we had between her and other characters, like Karen, her mom, even her boss Rafi. But she was also the driver of a conspiracy plot that to me, kind of missed the mark. I liked that they took those threads from DDS2 and tried to build them into a larger, more wide reaching governmental conspiracy in TPS1 but...I don’t know, it just never felt like it was realized enough, and the characters more prominent in that plot never felt more than just one-dimensional means to an end (also it didn’t feel realistic that it was basically just two people doing shit in Homeland Security on any case at given time). Her motivation worked but every time they showed her smarts and intelligence and dedication to her job, they would undercut it a bit by making her less than capable in the field, always making questionable decisions and getting her people killed. Overall, it was one of those, works on paper, doesn’t work in execution kind of storylines.

And tying this conspiracy plot that never quite worked to the lack of a strong, overall antagonist -- I don’t think it’s something a regular show would have needed, but as a comic book adaptation (particularly a Marvel Netflix one), I was expecting a bit more. Rawlins was literally never a convincing antagonist -- his inclusion felt like a necessity on the conspiracy side, but he didn’t play off Frank in any convincing way. He was a blowhard and an asshole, not really a bad guy. That misogynist asshole Wolfe had more convincing presence to me in the small number of episodes he featured in than Rawlins tbh. As for Russo, he was obviously a much stronger foil to Frank (and a compelling secondary foil to Dinah as the female lead) but since the story was actively building him up to become the villain next season, he didn’t really tick the right antagonist boxes for me this time around either. I also didn’t like how his motivations felt really muddled a lot of the time, I liked that we kept switching back and forth from oh wait Billy is a good guy, oh no, Billy is an epic piece of shit, but I would have appreciated more clarity on why he made the choices he made and why that would justify such an epic betrayal of his brother.

Heavyhanded approach to certain side issues. As well done as the grief and PTSD storylines were, most of the gun control related side plots just didn’t really work for me. I understood why they included it -- you can’t make a show like the Punisher in this current day and age without addressing the elephant in the room -- but it just felt really clunky. I guess at the very least they made the characters symbolizing both sides of the debate equally clunky? Hypocrite senator was about as annoying as NRA blowhard guy (though he certainly didn’t deserve to meet that end, RIP NRA blowhard guy). I guess I just feel torn because I have a very strong stance on this IRL but I almost feel as if I would have rather they not included it in this show if it wasn’t going to be handled with care. I’ve accepted that the Punisher and really any sort of violence driven show created for entertainment (which is...so much of our programming nowadays) can’t always be a grand statement regarding societal ills. Sometimes they just are what they are. But at least in the case of the Punisher, it didn’t feel like the violence was meant to be glorified or cheered on (I didn’t anyway) or viewed as some sort of heightened violence fantasy. It was brutal and unsettling. Anyway, all of this to say that I clearly don’t quite know about I feel about it since this was such a damn rambly paragraph lol.

Storytelling issues + plot holes. So while I’ve said that the biggest positive the show had to offer was the lack of reliance on an expected superhero formula, I think this made me struggle a bit more than usual with being able to suspend my disbelief about certain goings-ons in-show...like, the moment Frank shaves off his hobo hipster beard, how does NO ONE RECOGNIZE THE DUDE FROM LAST YEAR’S TRIAL OF THE CENTURY?? (Though I legit enjoyed the hilariously awkward silence of the Lieberman family watching the TV and being like WTF) And how does Frank literally get shot / stabbed / tortured in every other episode but manage to bounce back in a day so he could do more Punishing. Even Matt couldn’t recover that quickly if he tried! Like I don’t know, I would have liked to see Frank wearing more body armor or protecting his head or SOMETHING. And as delightfully fanservice-y the Turk cameo was, no way Frank Castle wouldn’t end him without a second thought. Of course, these are such nitpicks but they did take me out of it every so often.

So as you can see, for me there were more positives than negatives. Everything that I saw makes me extremely excited to see Frank’s Punisher in the Marvel Netflix universe again. I thought they told a very self contained story here and hit nearly all of the beats that you could want in this particular adaptation. I wouldn’t have expected them to leave it so open ended at the end but in retrospect it was a bold choice and I think one that is very considerate of this version of Frank Castle that we know. As someone who doesn’t have the emotional attachment to him via comics, I’m somewhat glad we didn’t just end this show with him as full on Punisher. I think there are more stories to explore before we get there. I also 100% expect him to reappear in DDS3 at this point and I’m super curious about where he goes in TPS2. I feel by that point, they’ll need to lean into the more comic book-y elements and it’ll be interesting to see how they handle that tonal shift.

#the punisher #marvel's the punisher #punisher spoilers #my thoughts #p talks about stuff #one day i'll figure out how to write posts like this without spending a half day on it lol #but that day is not today #also i see all of the awesome asks in my inbox and i'll start tackling those next PROMISE :)!

17 notes · View notes

illyrianwingspans · 7 years

Text

The House of Beasts, part 5

This part has like direct paragraphs I took from the book because I legitimately had no inspiration at all to write this chapter... And I realized I had quite a few plot holes, so I’m here to make a change that’s EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: HYBERN IS NOT THE PRINCIPAL, HE’S THE PRINCIPAL OF HYBERN UNIVERSITY. I will go back and make the necessary corrections, so for all those who’ve read it up to now, sorry! But I make mistakes lol that’s what happens

Summary: Prythian University, the grounds where frat houses wage wars and throw the best parties yet. Feyre, an art student and girlfriend to the Head of House of the Spring House, discovers secrets everyone’s been keeping from her for the last year and a half. An ACOTAR/ACOMAF AU, which begins as Feylin then evolves into Feysand. Begins as ACOTAR, includes AU of Under the Mountain, but will focus more on Acomaf.

Word Count: 2749 words

Once again, thank you all for withholding any hate and supplying only constructive criticism (I really need it!) and sending any requests, suggestions, etc. Disclaimer: All characters and some direct and or modified quotes belong to Sarah J Maas, as well as some of the plot points. I take no credit for them whatsoever

Part 5: Bargains

Under the Mountain was definitely what I thought it would be.

The place was littered with thugs, crooks and criminals. The stingy smell of weed clung to the air and made me wrinkle my nose. Few heads turned to my direction once I reached the bottom of the stairs, and I clung to the wall to keep from drawing attention to myself. The room was strangely built, all corners and squares attached to each other with no definite shape or pattern. It was all open though, yet the bodies made it seemed more cramped than it was. To my left was a bar, and to my right a dance floor littered with grinding and public displays of affection I could have lived the rest of my life without seeing. There were strippers and prostitutes, both male and female, and to my surprise I even recognized a few students from school. Overall, it was rancid. Despicable.

Finally, in the far corner of the room, were two chairs, with two occupants. One, a stranger, the other, the all-too familiar face I’d been missing all this time. My heart dropped into my stomach.

Tamlin. Tamlin was here, Tamlin was safe. Or was he?

His features were forced into boredom and neutrality, his posture slightly slackened but his shoulders tense. I was pretty far back, I couldn’t see much, but he didn’t seem injured. Thank God.

The woman, on the other hand…was gorgeous. Too gorgeous.

With hair that glowed like fire and bright green eyes that pierced wherever set her gaze upon. People shied away from her look, and her chin was held high, a queen holding court. She was draped in a fine gown, which seemed regal compared to the rags that some of these people wore. Her fingers curled around the arms over her chair, a delighted grin on her face, and my blood boiled when she tossed a glance at Tamlin. The elevated surface they sat upon seemed almost like

“A throne?” I muttered to myself. None of this made sense.

Then someone grabbed my arm.

I’d come so close to screaming I had to snap my mouth shut from making a sound. I spun around to see that my supposed attacker was Lucien, eyes vivid, tousled hair and sweat upon his brow. Silently, he dragged me to the nearest supply closet, looking around to make sure no one was paying us unwanted attention.

The door closed just as quickly as it opened.

“What the hell were you thinking?” was the first thing Lucien demanded, his face dimly lit by the broken light bulb that illuminated the rancid smelling room.

“You both disappeared! I wasn’t just going to stand by and watch!”

He sighed, then rubbed a hand over his face. “Feyre, you’re an idiot. You can’t be here. She’s going to torture you.”

I swallowed, shifting on my feet, my blood pounding. “Explain. The whole truth.”

He met my eyes from where he was standing and sighed, turning so he could face me. Then began recounting, as quickly and clearly as he could, the story of how we’d all ended up here.

Amarantha had been a student at Hybern University, the neighbouring school, for three years before she transferred to Prythian. Lucien said when she arrived, she tried to make a friend out of everyone. She threw parties Under the Mountain, a place she’d discovered while taking the zip lining course. It was the tunnels from the old building they had, years ago, which they’d torn down because it was way too small. The tunnels didn’t go very far and were all sealed up, though they did have a multitude of rooms in the different branches of corridors. There was only one entrance and exit, though: that door that I’d come in through.

Everyone thought that she was being friendly and courteous, trying to make friends as quickly as possible to enjoy her last year of university. Then she revealed her true self.

One night, at a party she was hosting Under the Mountain, she’d poisoned everyone’s drinks and made everyone sick for weeks. People suspected her, but nobody outright blamed her. Then more things started to fall into place.

There were more and more newcomers at these parties she hosted, people nobody had seen around campus, and began to grow suspicious. It turned out that all these people were part of a street gang: the Attors. Most of the people occupying the club were part of this gang, the other small portion were the Heads of Houses and their closest friends. She had leverage on each of them: whether it were the locations of their closest relatives or the members of their respective Houses, whenever someone didn’t agree with her: she’d pull threats out of the wazoo, threaten you with secrets you’d kept in the private corners of your own mind.

She’d had a personal wanting for Tamlin ever since she’d set eyes on him, though every attempt of approach she’d made at him in the past had failed. In spite of it, she managed to strike up a deal with him: find a student with hate in her heart for the House to fall in love with him within the span of six months and she’d leave him alone for the remainder of his days at PU. But, if he failed, then he’d have no choice but to join her.

And it was true. That night in June, when I’d made the shot for the mascot, I was terrified. But I wanted it. So bad. To show those rich scum bags to feel an inkling of the loss we faced. And look where it had gotten me now.

“The reason,” Lucien said quietly, with resign, “that we kept you away, is because you are leverage, Feyre. You are the thing that will tear him apart. Because if she hurts you then Tam’s gonna be a goner. He’ll do anything for you.”

I shook my head. “I can try, Lucien, I can try to escape but I want to put an end to this! I can’t just stand by while—”

But I never had the chance to finish that sentence when the same man that greeted me in the cabin was there, in the doorframe, several heads peeking in behind him to catch the scene of Lucien and I huddled in the corner next to a mop and a variety of cleaning supplies.

My stomach dropped. Oh God. What have I done?

Before I even knew it, there was a crowd of limbs around me, hands grabbing at my arms, and I think I was screaming and Lucien there was the faint sound of hard knuckles meeting soft skin, my skin, and one swift blow to the head had me limp as they dragged me to what I thought was the main room, a hushed murmur overtaking the crowd.

My eyes opened, and I blinked against the harsh lights that had been switched on and pointed in my direction. After blinking for a few moments, two faces came into view, and a deep, seductive laughter sounded in my ears.

“What’s this?” Amarantha said along with the adder’s smile she offered me. There, hanging on her creamy neck was a long slender chain, and hanging from it was a scruffy worn bone the size of a finger. I shivered, never wanting to know how she’d procured it or whose it was, and this all but confirmed the ruthlessness that everyone had warned me about.

“What I presume as Spring House trash I found huddling in the supply closet with Lucien,” the bouncer hissed.

“Oh, how lovely,” she crooned, and instead of acknowledging her, I focused on the black shoes, the ones of the boy I’d fallen in love with, whom I’d unforgivingly risked myself for by walking down the stairs to this club. Tamlin was sitting there, ten feet away, and it took everything within me not to run to him. “But what is she doing here?”

A foot jabbed into my side, and I hissed between clenched teeth. “Tell her why you were sneaking around. Who are you?”

My hands, though, were at my back, underneath my coat, fingertips brushing against the handle of the gun. It was my only leverage, my only defense within this place, yet I was debating it over and over in my head: would it be better to go after the bouncer, or straight to Amarantha herself? The bouncer kicked me again, and I winced as his fingers dug into my arm and squeezed hard enough for his dull nails to draw blood. “Tell her, you piece of filth.”

I needed time, time to figure out a plan, because there were too many variables—I had no clue who was carrying a weapon within this place, and how I would get out or would be on my side if I tried to take this place down. Surely, the only two people I’d have to back me up were Tamlin and Lucien, but we were seriously outnumbered, and I could be killed within seconds if I wasn’t careful. Yet still, time was running out before the bouncer could do any worse, so I cleared my throat and looked up and stared at Amarantha’s gold gown instead of her eyes.

“I came to claim the one I love,” I said quietly. Maybe the bet could still be one. Maybe I could free the Spring House from her reign. My gaze flicked over to Tamlin once more, and those emerald eyes relaxed me ever so slightly.

“Oh?”

“I’ve to claim Tamlin, the Head of the Spring House.”

There were a few murmurs here and there, even a gasp, but Amarantha tipped back her head and laughed—a true crow’s laughed that made me cringe. She turned to Tamlin, and her lips curled into a wicked smile.

“Well now. This is…interesting,” her fingers curled over the arm rests of her grandioso throne, and she dipped her nose slightly forward to speak with me more forwardly. “You’ve definitely been busy these last few months, Mr. Atwell.”

I swallowed nervously, not daring to look into her eyes, keeping them trained on her dress or her shoes.

“So,” she said, looking me up and down. “This is the girl you made move in with you. And the girl you kicked out for ‘disruptive behaviour’? To keep her safe? Oh! You lovely thing! You actually made this hateful worm love you. Marvelous.” She clapped her hands, and Tamlin just looked away from her, the only reaction he’d shown this whole time.

“Let him go,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

Amarantha laughed again. “Give me one reason I shouldn’t destroy you where you stand, girl.”

Everything within me was screaming not to anger this women, and my blood pounded in my ears when I said, “You tricked him—he is bound unfairly.”

“Well, Tamlin,” she said, curling an arm around his, “What do you have to say?”

Tamlin glanced at her before turning to me, looking me dead in the eye and saying: “I’ve never spoken to this girl in my life. She was at the House, yes, but I kicked her out a few days ago after complaints of disruptive behaviour. No more, no less. I don’t even know her name. This is all probably some sick joke that Rhysand’s trying to pull off.”

He was still trying to protect me, after all this time. I wanted to kill him for it.

“Oh, come on. We all know that’s a lie.” She tutted and shook her head. “Oh, this is so fun. It really is possible that you turned this poor little rag and made her anew and actually made her love you.” Another fit of cackling. It rattled my bones, but I made no sign of reaction. Only a steady, calm face.

“You’ve come to claim Tamlin?” it was more of a challenge than a question. “Well, as it happens, this shit show has bored me to tears these last few days. And I’m willing to make a bargain with you, worm.

“You complete three tasks of my choosing—three tasks to prove how deep that sense of loyalty and love runs, and Tamlin is yours. Just three little challenges to prove your dedication, prove to me that you can indeed love true, and you can have your Head of House.” She turned to Tamlin. “Consider it a favor, Atwell—this dreg probably made you so lust-blind that you lost all common sense. Better for you to see her true nature now.”

“I want his curse broken too,” I blurted. “I complete all three of your tasks, and his curse is broken, and we—and all his friends—can leave here. And remain free of your manipulation and schemes forever.” When making a deal, you always needed to be specific, especially with this woman because she felt like the type of person to pull a loophole out of her ass.

“Of course,” she purred. “And I’ll throw in another element, if you don’t mind—just to see if you’re worthy and smart enough to deserve him. I’ll give you a way out, girl,” she went on. “You’ll complete all the tasks—or, when you can’t stand it anymore, all you have to do is answer on question. A riddle. You solve this riddle, and his curse will be broken. Instantaneously. I won’t even need to lift my finger and he’ll be free. Say the right answer, and he’s yours. You can answer at any time—but if you answer incorrectly…” she pointed her throat and made a slitting motion that sent shivers down my spine.

I studied her words again, checking for traps or loopholes, but everything sounded fine. “And if I fail your tasks?”

Her smile became almost grotesque, and she rubbed a thumb against the rests of her chair. “If you fail a task, there won’t be anything left of you for me to play with.”

That sent shivers down my spine. Lucien and Alis had warned me—warned me against her ruthlessness. Everyone had. And now, facing her, I knew that these tasks were going to be much, much worse than I thought there were. “What is the nature of my task?”

“Well, revealing that would spoil all the fun,” she grinned, a feline smile. “But I’ll tell you one thing: you have one task every two days, spaced over the next six days.”

“And on the off days?” I dared a glance at Tamlin.

“In the off days, you’ll either stay in your cell or do whatever is expected of you.”

“If you run me ragged, aren’t I at a disadvantage?” I knew she was losing interest—that she hadn’t expected me to question her so much. But I had to try to gain some kind of edge.

“Nothing beyond basic housework. The occasional party here and there.” I nodded. “Then we are agreed.”

She waited for me to echo her response, but I went over it once more. “If I complete your tasks or answer your riddle, you’ll do as I request?”

“Of course,” Amarantha said. “Is it agreed?”

Tamlin’s face was ghastly white, and his eyes widened almost imperceptibly as if to say No.

But it was all or nothing. When it came down to it, this is really what tested your love for someone: if you would lay yourself down on the line for them, or just bow out and walk away.

I knew. I knew, with all certainty that I would not walk away.

I glanced at Tamlin one last time before I said, “Agreed.”

A feline grin lit her face when she called, “Bouncer, give her a greeting worthy of this club.”

My head snapped up and whipped from side to side, and the man’s hiss was his only warning before his fist jabbed into my side.

I was thrown sideways, stunned from the sudden pain, but another brutal blow awaited for my face. It was a constant pounding, over and over, to my ribs, my face, my legs—everything. Crunch, crack, crack…it was like being slugged with a brick. My bones were screaming in agony. I was screaming in agony.

Blood sprayed from my mouth, and I knew the sweet relief of nothingness that greeted me once I passed out from one too many blows to the head.

51 notes · View notes

shiobookmark · 4 years

Text

The Priory of the Orange Tree

I’ve sorted out my brain about a week after reading it so I think I can put down some thoughts. What follows is going to be quite critical, because I felt there were a lot of problems with the writing, but I’m not sorry I read it at all. Spoilers follow, though I’ll keep it light.

Overall, certainly not a bad book! I liked the world, I liked the attention to detail and the really interesting visual descriptions of things. The writing was good once you got past the first couple of pages. (It suffers from ‘First Page Syndrome’ a lot of modern writers suffer from where they feel they have to make everything super interesting and full of information on that first page and it can come across as rather clunky and unnatural. But I can’t blame the author for that, I fall into it too and she got her stuff published.) I liked the plot, I liked the meandering-ness of it. People complain that it’s too long but honestly it was straightforward enough that it didn’t matter.

I liked Tane, but unfortunately she was the only main character I liked. Tane is an interesting character, she has flaws, she has internal struggles within herself, she’s compelling and I like her a lot. Loth was okay, but only because he was sort of bland. He’s a nice person and... that’s it. There’s not a lot of depth to him? Margret suffers from this too. They’re defined by their friendship with Ead and don’t have a lot going for them aside from that other than their relationship to each other. Loth shone when he was with Kit, but unfortunately Kit died super early into the story in a really jarring way. This happens once or twice, the author kills a character for seemingly no reason. With Kit it’s because she ran out of stuff for him to do, and I’ll analyse why this is in a moment. Ead was... a problem. The story suffers from protagonist-centred morality a lot, and it’s the biggest pitfall of the book. We’re introduced to Ead as this very modern, independent woman who has been sent to protect Queen Sabran by a foreign nation. She comes off as a bit 90s ‘girl power’ in that she doesn’t like dresses or frivolous things, often gritting her teeth to get through the perils of court intrigue. I don’t find that particularly compelling, but that’s not actually a problem. The problem is that she’s not very good at hiding her true feelings. For an assassin she is woefully bad at acting. She sneers and snipes at people for their beliefs and petty interests, and while that’s also not a problem character-wise, people still like her. The story presents two versions of the same myth, a loosely retold version of Saint George and the Dragon. In one version Cleolind is the damsel in distress, the pious wife of George. In the other George was a coward and she was the one who slew the dragon. There’s a bit more to it but that’s the gist of it. These stories are mutually exclusive, so I wondered how they were going to reconcile the two. Truth is usually somewhere in the middle. From the beginning Ead muses on how hard it is to insult her goddess, views everyone around her as idiots for believing George was the hero, and she’s so bad at hiding this I’m left to wonder how she got this far. The scene where she starts telling her version of the myth and Sabran stops her I felt was interesting, because Ead claims it’s quite a departure from her usual persona. I thought it would be a case of her having that small rebellion and paying for it. But she rebels at every turn, and in a court that’s supposedly so conscious of courtesy and piety, it really feels out of place. We’d expect her to be punished, but she’s only ever rewarded. And this isn’t a Dragon Age Orlesian ‘oh how amusingly savage!’ sort of situation here, the characters around her are noticeably hurt, angry and shocked at her behaviour.

Far from being punished for her pride and the disdainful way she treats people, Ead is vindicated at every turn. She’s always right. Her version of the foundation myth is entirely correct save for the fact that George the sole villain. She’s never challenged. Even when her people turn against her it’s for political reasons and not because she’s being controversial. It would have been more interesting if she discovered that both foundation myths are untrue, and her quest for the truth put her at odds with everyone. Loth and Margret, far from being upset and angry that Ead deceived them for eight years, forgive her instantly. Margret is never angry at all. Loth is cautious and feels a bit weird but that’s it. And then there’s Sabran. I’ve heard the criticism that as a result of the protagonist-centred morality, Sabran only starts becoming sympathetic when she warms up to Ead. I personally didn’t get that impression at all? She’s a very closed off sort of person and I absolutely buy that she behaved like a shitty person because it was how she was raised, how she survived and how she managed her own grief and trauma. What I don’t buy as much is the love story, because while Ead’s physical attraction to Sabran is made clear, she never really drops her disdain for the court? Sabran also forgives Ead rather quickly and given her backstory of betrayal I would expect Ead being a secret assassin would be, if not a dealbreaker, at least a significant setback of trust. A love story between a queen and her lady in waiting should be my jam, but I wasn’t buying it? Ead still treats Sabran with a certain amount of discourtesy and I would expect more warmth from her. Instead I get the impression that their relationship is purely physical at best, and at worst Sabran has become codependent on Ead. Sabran might love Ead romantically, but Ead doesn’t feel the same way. It’s almost like the novelty of someone treating her with a certain amount of contempt is the whole appeal? Ead never struggles, she’s very rarely in danger and when she is she gets out of it due to her contacts or animal companions, she’s never challenged and she’s the one who defeats the big bad at the end.

I mentioned the story was straightforward and that’s also a bit of a problem for me. There aren’t any subplots. Or rather those that exist are in service to the main plot. I thought Loth and Kit might get together, or some of the other characters might have arcs outside what was necessary to the story. It was lacking in depth somewhat.

Kit was interesting, he was a flirty poet and very ‘ride or die’ for his friend. But I got the sense he was killed off because while the author liked his interactions with Loth, his presence would have made the journey too easy for him. I suspect that Kit didn’t have a lot of depth written for him, so he was killed off to avoid exposing that fact. Which makes me question why she didn’t cut him out entirely, or write him to have some depth. I think the book could have benefitted from a good hard edit, just cut some of the unnecessary stuff and rework it.

I mentioned that I liked Tane and I do, but another weakness of the writing in this book is that it’s very tell rather than show. We’re told how the characters feel, told that when Tane laughs, it’s the first time she’s done so since early on in the book. We’re told about Tane’s relationship with her childhood friend, but we feel no connection because they’re never onscreen together past the first scene of the book. We’re told about her feelings instead of being allowed to intuit them from her actions, and this happens with other characters as well.

Tane should have been the one to defeat the dragon, because it would tie up her character arc. She had begun to work through her feelings of dishonour and inadequacy, but killing the dragon would not only have restored her reputation but also restored her faith in herself. Instead she plays support to Ead. Ead killing the dragon is the easy path, because she’s overpowered. Not due to her abilities, but due to how the plot just hands her what she wants. As it is, her arc is left kind of hanging. I had some problems with her culture as well. It seemed vaguely Chinese, but it suffers from a similar problem as Ead’s where everything about their mythology is correct. They venerate the dragons, cooperate with them and basically let them make all the major decisions about the world. So Sabran’s culture has nothing right and that’s just a bit shallow.

Again, not a bad book! Would I recommend it? If you love plot-driven stories over character driven then absolutely. It’s far and away above stuff like Sarah J Maas and the like, it’s more skillfully written, better crafted and a lot more interesting. If you expect a lot of depth from your characters and morality, then maybe not. 3/5 I suppose? If there’s a sequel, I’ll read it. But it’s not on my re-read list.

#The Priory of the Orange Tree #books books books

0 notes

florrickandassociates · 7 years

Text

TGF Thoughts: 1x09-- Self Condemned

In which I ramble about memory pops and repeat myself several times. I’d say I was trying to capture the stream-of-consciousness feeling of the episode, but really, I’m just too lazy to edit this.

This episode kicks off at 9:03 am. There’s a title card announcing this fact. I’m not sure why we need to know exactly what time it is, since lines about breakfast, mid-morning snack, and lunch could’ve conveyed the passage of time better than a title card. And since the time cards just kinda disappear as the episode goes on.

Maia and Lucca are waiting for Maia to be interviewed about her parents’ scheme. It seems like Lucca is Maia’s lawyer now, which I don’t love: what happened to Yesha?! I won’t complain too much, though, because I want Maia/Lucca scenes and I want Maia to feel like part of the rest of the show. But I also want to know where Yesha disappeared to.

Lucca briefly summarizes the rules of today’s interview: Maia is here voluntarily and nothing she shares in this interview can be used against her.

“Was your first year anything like this?” Maia asks Lucca. Good question. Maia has a lot on her plate, but this is still her first job. As someone who’s still in her first year out of college, I was excited to see the Kings’ take on a character who’s going through the same things I am (even if our careers and our circumstances are very different). But we’ve barely gotten any of that. And, while it’s not necessary that the writers focus on this aspect of Maia’s life (she does have bigger things to worry about, after all!), it’s something the writers could look at to add to Maia’s development. Alicia was always dealing with the sex scandal, dealing with the conspiracy/trial drama surrounding Peter, being a mother, and adjusting to going back to work and fighting for her job in her competition with Cary. Maia may not be juggling quite as many roles as Alicia was, but even still: she plays roles other than Daughter of a Scandal. She is a new lawyer. She is someone’s girlfriend. She is Diane’s goddaughter. There is no lack of potential material for Maia, which is why I’ve been (and will continue to be) so harsh on the writers for the way they have(n’t) developed her.

(And it wouldn’t even hurt the show or take up too much time to show Maia in other roles! It would make the show more coherent to have her at work more often; it would give Diane more material if she and Maia interacted more frequently; it would make everything a lot better if we got to see more of Maia and Amy’s relationship. And, if the Rindell Fund stuff needed to be minimized to make room to show Maia doing other things, so be it. That plot is in desperate need of trimming anyway.)

Lucca responds that no, her first year wasn’t anything like this (well of course it wasn’t; she was working as a bar attorney). She has a feeling her fourth year will be, though. Foreshadowing…

“You’re weathering it well,” Lucca tells Maia. Maia thanks her, and then it’s time for her interview. Hey! Wouldn’t this line play a lot better if we could see that Maia is either putting on an act and everything’s getting to her or that Maia has a strategy for dealing with this? Again (I’m going to say this a lot in this recap), we got that kind of development for Alicia. And Alicia didn’t have a live-in significant other she could talk to about anything.

Lucca and Maia walk into an interrogation room filled with lights, cameras, and a half-dozen FBI agents. “Oh, come on!” Lucca exclaims. But it turns out they’re in a different room with only one interviewer, played by Jane Lynch. The hallway is being painted and they have to go through the interrogation room because quirkiness. Also quirky: Madeline Starkey’s office, which is stuffed with all sorts of trinkets. And, if there weren’t enough quirk already in this scene, birds sometimes fly into Starkey’s window because they think it’s the sky. Lovely. Dead birds are quirk now.

Starkey explains with more specificity what Maia’s there to do, and mentions that the terms only apply if Maia is truthful. It’s a felony to lie to a federal agent, Starkey reminds her. Maia knows exactly what law that is.

“Maia, let’s talk about your parents. How did this Ponzi scheme begin?” Starkey asks first. Well that’s a broad question Maia wouldn’t necessarily know the answer to. (This is Starkey’s play—I don’t believe for a minute she’s interested in anything other than catching Maia in a lie.) Lucca answers for Maia, so Starkey rephrases. She wants Maia to share anything that comes to mind about her parents or about her Uncle Jackson. So, basically, she wants memory pops.

Meanwhile at the firm, Adrian needs Diane to help with another police brutality case. He has friends at County, so he knows when a new case pops up. And, this is an interesting one: the cop involved is Andrew Theroux, the same cop as the case from F101. If they fight this right, they can get this cop kicked off the force.

Adrian and Diane arrive at County and try to find their new client. They assume it’s a young black man who doesn’t look like he’s been involved in a physical altercation and who says he’s in there on a possession charge (but he didn’t do it).

Their real client? None other than Colin Sweeney. “Oh, Dear God,” Diane says when she sees him. Sweeney’s excited to see Diane. He asks if “Alee-see-ah” called her because she said she couldn’t take his case. Couldn’t or didn’t want to? I demand answers. (Nah, I don’t demand answers. I’m just glad this line is in here, since Sweeney’s one of those guest stars who mainly interacted with Alicia. He was always so fixated on her that her absence needs to be acknowledged for it to make even the slightest bit of sense that anyone else would be defending him.

Sweeney tells Adrian that “they’re out to get me. The same way they did with Rodney King.” EL-OH-EL. RIGHT.

Adrian and Diane (who thinks Sweeney is “the devil”) don’t like that they’re going to have to represent Sweeney, but they know this is a way to get the corrupt cop kicked off the force. The ends justify the means. (The show did as good of a job as they possibly could have—between this explanation and the Alicia reference—of bringing Sweeney onto TGF. He’s one of the guest stars that I think TGW used a little too frequently, but I’ll allow.)

Back in the FBI interview, Starkey gives Maia a date: the first criminal act took place on September 15th, 2008. I typed this date into my email inbox to see what I was up to then. Apparently, that’s the day I sent my first email to someone who’s now one of my best friends. (It was a link to the first Tina Fey as Sarah Palin sketch. How 2008.)

Anyway, Maia says, as any reasonable person asked to recall something that happened on some day nine years ago would, that that was a long time ago. “I would’ve been seventeen,” Maia says. So Maia’s 26 (possibly 27) now. “I was probably in school,” she continues.

Starkey points out it was the day Lehman Brothers went bankrupt, and that jogs Maia’s memory, which means… MEMORY POPS!

Maia remembers herself doing homework as the news played in the background. She’s at home, at the dining room table, still wearing her school uniform. (Maia went to private school, it seems, but that’s the least surprising reveal ever.) Also, sorry, but giving Maia really curly hair and a school uniform doesn’t make me believe that 30 year old Rose looks seventeen. It does, however, make it look like Maia grew up in a different era.

Maia remembers her parents panicking over the news. So far, these memory pops are nothing special, but it’s still early. They’re mostly a way of illustrating information, and that’s fine.

Starkey moves on to asking about an investor, and Maia says she remembers him being at her house on September 15th. She adds that Jax was there too. Maia has a good memory! (For some reason, all of this is making me think of the opening of Serial.)

She specifically remembers that the investor would be out eight million dollars if he pulled his money out, so her family told him to keep his money in.

She estimates that this must’ve been around 4 pm because she was still doing her homework. Girl, I was still doing my homework at 10 pm and was barely home from school by 4. Are you sure about this time frame? And if you are, what sort of school did you go to where you had so little homework you wouldn’t have been working on it much later than 4?! She also remembers that their guest was gone before dinner. This has gotten super specific.

Maia remembers that her parents discussed work over dinner. And this is where I want more from the memory pops. Maia is going through a time in her life where she’s reevaluating everything she thought she knew and questioning the perfect family she thought she had. Sure, Starkey is asking about one specific date, but wouldn’t it be cool if, for example, we saw flashes of lots of “typical Rindell family dinners” before we saw the one Maia remembers on September 15th? Did the Rindells always sit down to dinner together? Was that something they made a point of doing, something that Maia remembers fondly from her childhood? When she thinks about this particular dinner, is she only thinking about that dinner, or is she making a composite memory of lots of dinners? It is not interesting to me that Maia had dinner with her parents on September 15th, 2008. It’s not even interesting to me that Maia thinks she had dinner with her parents on that date. But it would be very interesting to me if I knew that the Rindells always sat down as a family for dinner.

Starkey has Lenore’s calendar from 2008, and it contradicts Maia’s recollection because Maia had a gyno appointment at 3 pm. Damn, her school must’ve let out early. Starkey wants to know how Maia remembers seeing Jax at 4 if this is the case. Uh? Because it was nine years ago and Maia gave you estimate times? (Lucca points this out.)

“I know that memory can be faulty. I’m just trying to get to the truth,” Starkey says. That’s a good thesis statement for what memory pops are meant to illustrate.

Maia does remember a gyno appointment, and her mom speaking with someone in the waiting room. She tells Starkey she was there. Why!? She remembers it was on that day? Why did you say yes, Maia? She says maybe she saw Jax and the investor later, which calls everything she’s said into question.

Starkey says it would’ve been impossible for Maia to be home by 4 because of the distance from the doctor’s office to Maia’s house. Maybe the appointment lasted 15 minutes. Maybe Maia got there early. Maybe she saw them at 4:30. I don’t get why Starkey is so stuck on the times adding up exactly. Or maybe she doesn’t care at all and she just wants to have reason to tell her bosses she suspects Maia’s a liar.

(Memory is malleable—note how Maia’s mental image of that day changes every time Starkey introduces a new piece of information. If Starkey said “you had fish for dinner that night, your father told me,” Maia would probably start imagining fish on the dinner plates.)

It would’ve been 5:30 by the time they got home, apparently. That’s a lot of traffic. And the housekeeper said she served dinner right at 5:30. And Jax said he was never there at all. I am not convinced by Starkey’s argument, though I also don’t trust Maia’s memories to be objective. I’m sure, in 2008, she overheard more than one discussion about the recession.

Starkey starts talking about some show she was on when she was eight, and then says that when she saw photos, she realized her memory was wrong. “The mind has a way of turning wishful thinking into actual memories,” Starkey says. That’s true. Not sure if that’s what’s going on here, but it’s true.

Lucca stops the interview. She and Maia have trouble exiting Starkey’s office because quirkiness.

Lucca, smartly, notes that Starkey is trying to catch Maia in lies. She advises Maia to only talk about specific memories. “I don’t want to hurt my dad,” Maia says. That’s obvious. She’s still—in her mind—making Jax out to be the villain, even after all the shit her father’s put her through these past few weeks. And this episode would’ve been the perfect time to find out why Maia’s so loyal to her father. “He’s her father” stopped being an adequate explanation the first time she broke the law to protect him. What produced this kind of loyalty? What kinds of values did her parents instill in her? Since she’s an only child, was she very close with her parents? Would her dad always, always find time to ask about her day, to help her with her homework, to offer to read over her essays? Would they chat about the news together?

This is connected to another problem I have with the Rindells, one I’ve touched on before. Maia’s parents are cartoon villains. Maybe if in just one scene either of them behaved like a human being, I’d have an easier time believing that Maia would care about them. Peter Florrick was always more than just Scumbag In Prison Who Cheated on Alicia. Remember Just Because Day? I think it’s in episode W1x04. It’s exactly what I would want from Maia and her parents: Alicia’s asked what she was doing on a specific date and goes to find information. She stumbles across a video from that date, and it refreshes her memory. But, before she realizes that Peter must’ve been with her the entire day, and not off breaking the law, she’s nervous. The video starts out with Peter in bed, and we don’t need to literally see inside Alicia’s mind to know that she thinks she’s found a sex tape. Now that she knows that Peter’s a cheater, she can’t help but see everything through that lens. She relaxes when she sees Zach and Grace on the camera, and then she recalls how wonderful her family was before the scandal—how good Peter was with the kids; how he surprised her “just because.” That’s a lot of information about Alicia (AND something that adds dimension to Peter) in one scene where all she does is watch a tape. How come we don’t get that much information about Maia when we get a glimpse into her mind?

(Yes, I know the point of these memory pops is to show that Maia knew all along but ignored the warning signs. My point is that I would love to see memory pops that suggest why she was willfully ignorant for so long.)

(I don’t know where to put this point so I may as well put it here: I would like this episode far, far more if it had been placed earlier in the season. Maia realizing she knew all along and is covering for her parents is a big deal, but it’s less of a big deal when she’s been suspicious of her mom for weeks, read her father’s suicide note about his “crimes”, and, oh yeah, made the choice to let her father stay in prison for the rest of his life rather than risk hurting anyone else. This is the kind of realization that would’ve added a lot of depth to Maia early on but feels too late now.)

(On a similar note, I would prefer it if Maia came to this realization through either a conversation—in private—with her lawyer or a heart-to-heart with Amy. I don’t give a shit about continuing investigations into the Rindells, and Madeline Starkey isn’t the only person in the world who could prompt Maia to question the accuracy of her memories.)

“If you lie to protect your dad, you might get him off. But you’ll end up in jail,” Lucca explains. Wait. This is still a question?! I know these legal cases take time but can we please be done with this one? Also: if this is Maia’s way of feeling guilty about her father’s suicide attempt and how she sided with Diane and the firm over her family, maaaaaaaaaaaaybe the episode could be clearer about that????

My overall feeling about the memory pops in this episode is: They’re better than standard flashbacks and they convey what they need to about Maia feeling guilty. But there was still a lot of character detail missing.

Also: I’m sure my disappointment has something to do with how little I care about Maia, even nearly at the end of the first season. There was always very little chance of me becoming as invested in Maia as I was in Alicia, so this isn’t entirely the show’s fault. But I don’t think it’s all a matter of personal preference. I won’t get into it yet again, but I think there are lots of ways that the writers could have made Maia a more interesting, three-dimensional character.

In court, there’s some sort of unfunny joke about a judge in a wheelchair who doesn’t want any help going up a ramp. I want to believe this is just to show us that the judge is the kind of person who insists on doing everything himself without asking for help, but it kind of seems like I’m supposed to find it quirky and funny that he’s in a wheelchair and can’t wheel himself up a ramp. It is neither quirky nor funny; it’s just offensive.

Case stuff happens. Sweeney says “all lives matter” and Diane shushes him. (“Shut up, Colin. I’m finally on your side.”) (Hey, speaking of people named Colin, where’s Colin Morello at this week? I don’t miss him, but where is he?) (Marissa’s not in this episode either.) (And Barbara may as well not be in this episode because they don’t give her much to do.)

My new favorite thing is lawyers on this show laughing because the law works in bizarre and wonderful ways sometimes. It happens at least twice in this episode and it happened last week too.

More birds fly into Starkey’s windows as Lucca and Maia return for more questioning. Starkey hands Maia her mother’s calendar. For some reason, Maia keeps remembering her mom leaning in close to Jax (first they’re both blurred out) when she’s at the appointments. I think this is meant to indicate that it’s slowly coming into focus for her that all her appointments were covers for her mom’s affair with Jax. But I’m not sure that makes sense. It’s not like Maia never went to the doctor, and I don’t know why she’d go straight to realizing it was a cover for an affair (Starkey hasn’t suggested that yet at this point).

Maia’s supposed to mark all the appointments she remembers on a print-out of her mom’s calendar. She remembers her mom talking to a gynecologist and so she puts a check next to that appointment. Okay but Maia, you going to the gynecologist doesn’t mean you went on that exact day.

Maia remembers lots of gyno appointments. Is there supposed to be a point to this? Or is it just to let us know that she had a boyfriend before she had a girlfriend?

Starkey then says that Lenore wasn’t at the appointments: she was sleeping with Jax. This is so aggravating to me. These things happened nine years ago. But Starkey is right: Maia shouldn’t be confirming things if they’re not true. When I buy lunch multiple times in a week, a week later, I can’t remember which day I bought a sandwich and which day I got pasta, even if I remember that I bought a sandwich one day and pasta another day. I really don’t get why Maia is confirming anything instead of second-guessing herself. (But then, maybe Maia just thinks differently than I do.)

Also just taking a second to acknowledge that Lenore Rindell is a shitty person.

Maia imagines her mother and Jax kissing in the hallway of her gynecologist’s office. She pictures herself turning away. This didn’t happen in reality (they were not carrying on an affair in her gyno’s office, I’m like 99.9999% sure)—this is Maia processing information. Get it? She sees the truth and turns away.

So now the question is: did Maia suspect anything? She sees herself turning around, like it was right in front of her. No, she says. She didn’t. Starkey wants to know if she ever suspected her parents of the Ponzi scheme, and Lucca insists on a break. Good call, Lucca.

At RBK, a guy from COPA is falling asleep on Adrian’s desk. Barbara and Adrian tell the COPA guy about their latest case. He’s interested when he hears which cop was involved. But when they tell him the victim is Sweeney… COPA guy laughs. And laughs. And laughs. And laughs. And laughs. And laughs. He rips up his notes and leaves, still laughing. He is my new hero.

Case stuff happens.

Maia looks at her contacts list in her phone. Lucca calls her in for more of the interview. Starkey offers them candy and makes up a story about her husband. Lucca calls her out on it—she googled Starkey. Seems Starkey is lying about whatever she feels like lying about. But she is good at her job, according to the interwebs.

Starkey responds by threatening Lucca. Cool.

Her next questions are about the Rindell Foundation. Maia is one of three board members. Starkey asks when the board last met. Apparently, years ago. In June 2011. And they never met again. MAIA. HOW ARE YOU ON THE BOARD OF A FOUNDATION THAT HASN’T HAD A BOARD MEETING IN SIX YEARS WITHOUT THINKING THAT’S SUSPICIOUS? (Later, we’ll see Maia say she cared about the cause, but actions speak louder than words.)

I don’t think I’m supposed to be on Maia’s side on this. I don’t think it makes her a criminal or complicit that she wasn’t more involved. But it does make her willfully ignorant, and neglectful (not in a legal sense, because I don’t know anything about the law). Maia’s led a life so full of privilege she doesn’t immediately think this is strange. And she’s so comfortable with her life, she doesn’t do anything that could cause a stir. It’s no wonder she feels guilty.

Maia explains that the foundation wasn’t her idea, but it was a good cause. I’m trying not to judge Maia for this, but I’m failing. I’m sure most eighteen year olds wouldn’t like it if their parents tried to force them into running a foundation, but it takes a certain type of privilege to hear about a foundation (even as an eighteen year old) and go, “ugh, daddy, this is a good cause but why do I have to deal with it?” instead of thinking, “This is an opportunity for me to do good for other people; let me make sure I get people involved to manage these initiatives.”

In Maia’s defense, she does remember asking how much they were sending. “It’s a lot, honey,” is all she remembers her dad telling her. “I don’t know,” she realizes. And she was okay with that.

She remembers asking again, that same night, while making pizza with her dad. “Yeah, but Dad, I mean, it’s got my name on it,” she said. Henry said Jax would open the books to her in a few weeks. We don’t get confirmation on whether or not that happened. My guess? Maia never followed up, because it would’ve been uncomfortable to follow up, and she was preoccupied with her own life.

Case stuff happens. It’s good for the RBK team.

Now we’re in a memory pop without first seeing Maia, which is a transition I do not like at all because it makes the memory pop seem like a flashback and not a memory. Henry, and a bunch of guests including Diane, are singing Happy Birthday to Maia. It’s her eighteenth birthday, Starkey explains: the day the Rindell Foundation was established.

“My parents, they, they knew I was interested in Africa,” Maia says, explaining why the foundation was gifted to her. OH YES, I CAN TELL YOU WERE INTERESTED IN AFRICA FROM THE WAY YOU REFER TO IT (IN THE PRESENT!) AS THOUGH IT’S A SINGLE COUNTRY. And from the way you totally knew what your foundation was doing (or not doing). And from all those board meetings over the years.

(I try not to judge characters and to understand them instead but oh my god, how can I not judge someone who says things like, “My parents knew I was interested in Africa.”????)

Next question: Was Amy at Maia’s birthday party? Yes, she was. Maia remembers that clearly, romantically. She pictures Amy smiling at her, looking directly at her, noticing her, standing out from the crowd.

It was the night Maia and Amy met! That’s exciting backstory! And, we get confirmation on an age difference: Amy was entering law school when Maia turned 18. I didn’t think the age gap was that big! Like, that makes Amy in these memory pops the age I am now, and the idea of dating an 18 year old now is like, LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL YOU’RE A CHILD. The age gap isn’t what’s strange to me—it’s not that big of a gap. It’s the gap in maturity and experience that strikes me as odd. But hey, it worked out for them, so who am I to judge?

(Good to get confirmation that Amy’s supposed to be four/five years older. That sounds about right.)

Maia’s boyfriend was there that night, but she ended up making out with Amy anyway. That escalated quickly.

Starkey also asks if Diane was there. Maia remembers her singing Happy Birthday. Of course, we don’t get to hear it, even though this is the closest we’ve ever gotten to Christine Baranski singing on the show.

Starkey wants to know if Diane offered legal advice to Maia’s parents in Maia’s presence. Lucca cuts in before I can type out, “isn’t that hearsay?”

Diane’s talking about a case she’s on, a guy who’s accused of killing a hedge fund manager who worked with Madoff. I don’t know if the timeline adds up or not, but it’s possible this is the case from W1x15, which has a case with that premise. Also, 1x15 is a really good episode and I just rewatched it last weekend. And one of the filming locations in that episode is the Rindell mansion. It’s where a corrupt hedge fund manager lived. I know that’s not intentional, but HA! (Sorry, Maia, but seeing Alicia walk through your house doesn’t do you any favors.)

(I CAN’T STOP COMPARING MAIA TO ALICIA. I HAVE BECOME THE TYPE OF FAN I CAN’T STAND.)

Maia’s torn between the pleasant memory of Amy and the unpleasant memory of Diane and her parents talking about the Madoffs. In Maia’s mind, Diane says, “I think [Madoff’s wife] didn’t know because she didn’t want to know.” Huh, I wonder where Maia got that piece of dialogue to insert into her memory.

“How could she not know?” Diane says, and it sounds like a judgment of Maia.

Since the foundation was being used as a front and Maia’s name is on the contract, Maia’s legally responsible for any of her parents’ crimes. Unless she tells Starkey about Diane’s advice, that is.

But Maia didn’t sign the documents on her birthday! She signed them on the Saturday before her birthday!

“Nice, Maia,” Lucca says after they leave the interview. “No, lucky,” Maia replies. “No, I’ve seen lucky. That was smart,” Lucca says and offers her hand for a high-five. (Can’t it be both? Maia totally would have signed the papers if it was her actual birthday. But it is smart that she’s thinking things through before talking now.)

Now it’s 1:27 pm. I don’t understand why these time stamps are happening and I especially don’t understand why the people at All Access have inserted the commercial breaks right after the time stamps instead of right before. I assume they’re meant to kick off each act that takes place on that first day?

Case stuff happens.

Another bird crashes into Starkey’s window. I thought it had to do with the way the light hit the windows, so why is this happening all throughout the day?

Starkey asks Maia if it’s correct she found out about the Ponzi scheme from the news. She says it is. “You graduated from law school in 2016, right?” Starkey asks. Maia says that’s right.

And then Starkey asks her about a celebration that took place at her parents’ house. Wait, who told her about this? From what Maia remembers, it was a small gathering. Maia, Amy, Maia’s parents, and Amy’s parents. So if Starkey knows about this gathering, does that mean someone close to her is talking to the FBI and making things look bad for Maia?

Starkey asks if Maia was living with Amy at the time. She was. (So Maia and Amy lived together in Chicago while Maia was in law school? Where did Maia go to law school? Or did Amy and Maia live in a different city and Amy just started as an ASA?)

(Amy’s parents look super uncomfortable around the Rindells—they don’t have that kind of money.)

But, Amy’s parents asked Maia about the possibility of her parents investing in the Rindell fund. Now I REALLY want to know who Starkey’s talking to, since Maia remembers that she didn’t even tell her parents about this request. Is Starkey talking to Amy? To Amy’s parents?

Case stuff happens.

“When the facts are on your side, you pound the facts. When the facts are not on your side…” cut to Adrian pounding the table in court. HEH. Nice transition.

I forgot to mention that Luke Kirby is in this episode as an ASA. He was on Rectify. You should all watch Rectify.

Jay does investigative work without Marissa. Cool.

Sweeney’s being considered for an ambassadorship. Diane, Adrian, and Barbara burst out laughing. As I said, I like this “lawyers laugh at things that are absurd” trend.

It’s not until 40 minutes into the episode that Sweeney mentions his reputation as a wife-killer. Sorry, new viewers. The show’s not being helpful with the exposition this week!

It’s a new day and Maia’s back at the FBI, fidgeting with her rosary ring. Now, the issue is that Starkey thinks Maia must have known something was going on at the fund if she didn’t ask about allowing Amy’s parents to invest.

Maia remembers a conversation with Amy (who apparently sleeps in a shirt that says BLONDE BESTIE” on it which tells me a lot about Amy) where Amy brought up the topic again.

Lucca tells Maia she understands that “rightly or wrongly, [Maia feels] guilty for your parents’ actions.” “That’s not what this is,” Maia insists. “You don’t even need to be conscious of it, Maia. Your guilt could just be coloring your memories. You could be seeing yourself as more culpable than you are. It’s your Catholic guilt. You are condemning yourself. That’s fine for the confessional, but here, it has real repercussions,” Lucca informs Maia. This is exactly what Maia needs to hear at this moment, especially that last part about the repercussions. If Maia wants to blame herself and ask herself why she was so willfully ignorant, fine. I think she probably was willfully ignorant, at least in the sense that she never questioned her parents or her own privilege. (Again, that foundation had one board meeting in six years.) But I don’t think anything she did would warrant jail time, especially given how young she was at the time. Guilt in the moral sense? Definitely. Guilt in the legal sense? That seems… like a waste of government resources. Maia doesn’t need to help the government make their case against her just because she feels bad that she had her eyes closed. It’s a lot to ask of any person, especially a young person, to turn on their family over a slight bad feeling. What could Maia have done, anyway? Gone to the government and said, “I feel like something’s off about my parents’ fund but I don’t have any specific details or specific reasons to think that”?

In the memory pop, Amy asks Maia again if she really asked her dad. “Lucca, I didn’t tell my dad,” Maia confesses in the present. “I must have somehow known about the Ponzi scheme. Otherwise, why would I have let Amy’s parents invest?” Lucca says that doesn’t mean anything (and I agree- I can imagine lots of other reasons Maia might not have wanted Amy’s parents’ money to be tied up with her parents’ fund, starting with the fact that it would just call attention to the fact that Maia’s super rich and Amy’s not). But Maia insists: she knew. (I feel bad for Maia here. She went from refusing to believe the people she loves, who actually committed crimes, could have been involved to blaming herself for everything.)

Diane and Adrian, late at night, debate strategy for the Sweeney case and drink scotch.

“Diane? You happy here?” Adrian switches the topic. “What, at your firm?” Diane asks. She is. “You wanted to retire,” Adrian explains the basis for his question. Diane laughs. “Yes. Well, life has a way of reminding you of who you are. Guess I’m not the retiring type,” she says. I bet Diane’s a lot happier here than she was at LockhartKeyboardSmash. “Are you happy here?” Diane returns the question. Adrian laughs. “Gotcha,” Diane replies.

“I like getting the better of people, and… keeping something alive. You know? Looking at there, at all those employees, realizing they might not have jobs if I don’t keep this going,” he says. “Yeah. That is a good feeling,” Diane agrees.

“Okay. Time to go home. Let’s get dinner sometime,” Adrian says so casually it’s almost like he didn’t just ask his business partner out on a date. “That’d be nice,” Diane replies. She looks startled but not unhappy with this idea. It’s not exactly a date, but, I mean…

(Remember how Will and Alicia were always supposed to get dinner in season 1?)

(I am cool with a Diane and Adrian ship. I also love McHart. As long as we don’t get a Adrian/Diane/Kurt triangle with Adrian as Will (I took you in when you were poison) and Kurt as Peter (the cheater), I’m pretty much okay with wherever the writers want to go as long as they do it well.) (Though I still don’t believe Kurt would have ever cheated on Diane.)

Adrian comes up with a way to get Sweeney’s case thrown out and, more importantly, the cop kicked off the force. It works.

At the next day of interviews—we didn’t see a single one of the day 2 interviews, just Maia panicking in the hallway—Maia remembers hearing Jax talking about an audit with both her parents, who closed the door in her face. Not sure what point in time this is supposed to take place.

She also remembers telling Amy they shouldn’t entangle their families’ finances. Maia remembers Amy asking if there’s something wrong with the fund. Did she? Does it matter if she did?

Lucca provides hypothetical reasons why Maia might not have told her dad that Amy’s parents wanted to invest. Makes sense to me. Also, proves yet again that Lucca is very good at reading a situation and saying the exact right thing. (She’s done this several times with Maia, but she did it all the time with Alicia, too.)

Sweeney isn’t going to be an ambassador, and he’s not going to help Diane with her civil suit. What a shame.

“I’ll drop by again,” Sweeney warns.

Maia tells Starkey that it just seemed like a bad idea to mix family and finances. Based on Maia saying “the truth is” in her answer, Starkey decides what she was always going to decide: Maia’s a liar and she knew about the Ponzi scheme. She’s going to recommend that they prosecute Maia. Good luck finding evidence.

Maia tears up, and the episode ends.

And this leaves me with two questions:

1) Do we have to endure another season of trial BS? This show does not need an ongoing conspiracy arc to work. In fact, the ongoing conspiracy arcs are usually the things that DON’T work.

2) Why didn’t we get to this point earlier? Not the point of Maia being prosecuted, but the point of Maia feeling guilt. I said this earlier, but I think these emotional beats would’ve been great things to hit on earlier. Now, after this episode, I have a sense of how much it affected Maia to be raised in a world where she never had to worry about anything other than herself. The stakes don’t have to be as high as an interview with the FBI and a potential prosecution to make Maia question everything, her own views included. They’re not going to send Maia to jail—at least, I’d be shocked if they did—so why do this arc? I would rather see her work through her guilt, reach out to her friends, reach out to Amy, start trying to do good, really throw herself into the firm’s fights even when she doesn’t understand them, or something like that. To me, that’s more interesting than watching the team come together to defend her.

(I expected to be harsher on this episode than I ended up being. I’m pleased that I liked it more on rewatch.)

(And sorry for all the Alicia mentions. I hate it when people insist on comparing a new character to an old character, but I just can’t stop doing it when it comes to Alicia and Maia. I’m trying to keep my comments to the storytelling—what works and what doesn’t when building a character whose notable for their connection to a big scandal—but I’m sure that what a lot of it comes down to is just that I love Alicia a lot and will take any opportunity I can to write about her.)