#swordswoman showdown

[hubristicassholefight]

Swordswoman showdown FINALS

Hornet (Hollow Knight) vs Xena (Xena: Warrior Princess)

(Better here in a "preferred character" sense, not "who would win in a fight")

Propaganda below cut

Hornet

Technically its not a sword but she wields a needle in a setting where swords do not exist and she wields it in an exceedingly swordlike fashion so. She counts; Girlboss demigoddess spider lady. She's been protecting an entire kingdom for longer than many of the other characters have been alive. She systematically kills her siblings for being too weak. She's simply the best.

#im pretty sure hornet can beat like. anyone in a fight.#have you ever fought hornet#its so fucking hard getting past her every time i play hk i go literally insane.

#i remember getting stuck on the first hornet fight on mt first play through and bring likr#''omg the boss fights in this are so hard!!!''#like what. you're not even half way through what are you talking about#you can't even DASH honey. you don't know what's diffcult or not in this game.

So, SPOILERS

but I feel like the "she systematically kills her siblings" part needs a little clarification. See, one of her siblings was used as a living prison for an angry god and that uh. Didn't work out for the sibling in question or anyone else.

This account is itself heavily abbreviated but it's likely that any other sibling Hornet encounters will be trying to take over as the god's new prison. She appears to challenge any sibling she sees to battle, in order to test their resolve against herself and her needle - would they actually have a chance against that god?

We never actually see her kill any siblings, but she does quite pointedly tell one of them that (to paraphrase) "My needle is lethal and I would feel no sadness in a weakling's demise."

Feels like a relevant quote. In any case, if they can't beat Hornet, it seems like her needle would be a far more merciful end than what the god would grant.

Anyway, a bit of additional material for @swordswomanshowdown :

As is the case for any cool swordswoman, it's not just her sword that's lethal, it's her with it. And Hornet's needle was custom made for her - the creators have said that, while other needles exist, hers was made specifically for her to wield, and its construction allows her to use her spider silk better in combat.

And another thing that I think makes her a good swordswoman: she's actually pretty thoughtful about how she uses it. There's a least one instance where she tries to warn someone off before fighting them! At the same time, when she does fight, she seems to enjoy it - during her boss battles, you can hear her laugh sometimes, as if exhiliarated. She's really got it all, as a swordswoman!!!

#HORNET SWEEP CMON PLEEEEEEASE#shes gay. shes the only sibling with a gender. shes a spider named HORNET. look like croissant. whats not to like

Xena

Warrior Princess

She wields a sword and chakram. Just had to submit a biconic swordswoman.

i love her. she made me gay as a kid. Anyway, her weapon of choice is her sword, she is obviously very good with it

#unfortunately i have to choose and i have to choose xena#a) utena had no warcry. b) xena fought gods. c) xena has kickass goofy comic book combat which is my favorite

xena didn’t just fight gods. she fucked up a girl’s life so bad that she (calisto) devoted her entire being to destroying everything that xena loved that ended up with calisto becoming a god in order to destroy xena, which didnt work because xena entombed her in lava. and then when xena and gabrielle encountered calisto in the (christian) afterlife (different from the greek one which they also fought her in), calisto dragged gabrielle to hell so xena became an archangel in order to save gabrielle and then sacrificed herself in order to undo all the harm that she did in calisto’s life and then when not!jesus (played by timothy omundson) revives xena and gabrielle, calisto impregnates xena with the reincarnation of calisto’s soul in order to end the cycle of hate. xena doesnt just fight gods. she creates and destroys them

#this isnt even mentioning her fighting julius ceasar several times#telling brutus that caesar is not his friend#xena and gabrielle’s souls reincarnating across centuries in order to kick ass and fall in love all over again#or the time xena became a god but tbh that ep is kinda ‘uhhhhh…..’ even if they did hire a consultant for it

#I think everyone here knows to vote for Xena. I think a couple people here might have some propaganda for Xena saved already#everyone remember that Xena/Gabrielle is CANON and that's a pretty big deal also#(does anyone have that Xena Loves Trans People interview around because that would also make good propaganda)

I love Xena ❤️ 😍 💖 ❣️

#hornet #hollow knight #xena #xena: warrior princess #swordswoman showdown #poll #official #round 6 #finals

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, final round of bracket three

Propaganda:

For Gideon:

she's incredibly good w/ her two hander and less good with her rapier but she's still pretty good!! she is a horny lesbian who's taste in women seems to exclusively be "girls who have tried or are going to try to kill her". she's a redhead. i love her

Gideon’s a HUGE Butch lesbian and literally always wanted to use a broad sword. Specifically a broad sword. She said fuck rapiers. Uhhh literally dies to save the girl she cares for and the sword she uses then becomes like an altar for said girl. Gideon Nav Supremacy <3

oh she is the most badass swordswoman lesbian in media. she’s her gf’s cavalier, defends her in battle, she’s incredibly butch and buff

C'mon shes THE sword lesbian like... canonically 

Loves her broadsword more than anything on her home planet and practices whenever she can. Spoiler it’s possessed by her mom. Gave everything so her best enemy could eat her soul and become the new saint. The character of all time child of two separate threesomes, child of the god emperor, she’s dead, she’s butch, she’s a dork, she’s doomed by the narrative. She’s my favorite.

girlie is literally the swordswoman supreme. she’s the cavalier primary to her necromancer. she has a fuckoff huge longsword. she gets absorbed into another person SPECIFICALLY to swordfight for them. in a gay way too.

While everyone else was developing common sense, she studied the blade. This dyke's main weapon and true love is the long sword, but she's also passable with a rapier. The sword is, in her own estimation, pretty much all she's good for. That and her smoking hot bod and terribly charming sense of humor. 

"While we were developing common sense, she studied the blade." (Direct quote from the book). She's the most useless lesbian to ever exist, and she's obsessed with an absolute wet cat of a woman. Learned longsword mostly on her own and is such a genius with the sword she learned rapier in a few months (by personal experience, it's really really hard)

Most badass broadsword wielding lesbian easily slaying bone monsters and evil space wasps

The cavalier to her necromancer. very gay. in a complicated codependant lovehate relationship with the only other person her age she knew growing up.

For Adora:

Finding the sword kicks off the whole show. She transforms into a giant magic lady and is now in charge of saving everyone from the  big bag guys (which she used to be a part of). A bunch of stuff happens, but eventually her identity is now tied to having the sword. She is fully convinced that w/o the sword (and therefore She-Ra) she’s worthless. This culminates in having to destroy the sword or the world ends. She’s super depressed bc her whole self worth was tied to the sword and being she-ra. On the way to save her gf, she turns into way cooler she-ra (her own version of it that is not controlled by the sword which was made by her colonialist ancestors). Her sword is now part of her identity instead of her identity revolving around the sword. 

lesbian chosen one who was given a sword that activated her powers and made her into a living weapon, but she destroyed the sword to save her planet - and then made her own sword with her magic and saved the entire universe

#sword gays showdown #gideon nav #adora #she ra #spop #gideon the ninth #the locked tomb #she ra and the princesses of power #tlt

[onelastfic]

🎃👻💀 HAPPY HALLOWEEN 💀👻🎃

You voted and the OC duo you most wanted to see in their Halloween costumes was Dolly and Gaku! And here’s the results! Here’s Dolly dazzling in her Cowgirl Barbie (that’s right, she’s a Barbie Doll-y 🤣) and Gaku showing her swordswoman fierceness as The Bride from Kill Bill!

“Oh, you've got to be kidding me!“

“I can't believe we did it again...”

“Great minds think alike, I guess.”

“Guess we're both ready for a showdown?”

“I suppose so. But I hope you left your samurai sword at home.”

“Don't worry. It's a plastic one tonight. Alright, Bruce, you ready to show this party some killer moves?”

“Let's kick some candy!”

This is more on an accompanying pic because of a fun idea I had of Gaku and Olivier unintentionally ending up choosing the same costume. Those two being on the same wavelength without even knowing it 😂 For those who don’t get the reference, Olivier is dressed in Bruce Lee's famous yellow jumpsuit that he wears in Game of Death. The double reference was just too tempting to pass up and I just had to get it commissioned. Those two bringing Bruce Lee and The Bride's unique brand of martial arts flair to the Halloween night.

———

Artwork done by the amazing @harchibudytgorichi

Olivier belongs to @kururu418

#callyieverse #spectacular silver wolf #oc #next gen #nextgen #dolly #gaku #olivier #reblog if you like

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 4, Poll 5

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Roronoa Zoro-One Piece

Qualifications:

He's canonically visually impaired and implied to be gay in the live action!!!

as for him being queer, nothing is confirmed unfortunately but it is common for fans to interpret him as gay and transgender. the gay interpretation comes from him not showing a lot of interest in women and having a lot of very shippable moments with other men, as well as some moments in the recent live action. the trans headcanons come from his backstory, where he helps his best friend Kuina deal with the internalized misogyny she got from her father dismissing her as a swordswoman because of her gender - it would make the story a little cooler if zoro has had to deal with this misogyny himself. (Same person, different tumblr ask)

Propaganda:

hes such a guy. he's green. he doesn't know directions. he sleeps 20 hours a day. he's a feminist. he's suicidal. he was crucified. he's a 19 year old alcoholic. he has the biggest tits out of all the straw hats. he's even gay

Felix-Heartstopper

Qualifications:

They're nonbinary and use they/them pronouns, and use a wheelchair.

Propaganda:

Felix is non-binary and a wheelchair user. They aren't in the comic, so they were a new addition to season 2 of the show. They're also a great artist.

#polls #poll #disabled characters #lgbtq characters #disability #lgbtq #lgbtq dcs round 1 #lgbtq dcs wave 4 #roronoa zoro #one piece #felix #heartstopper

[a-student-out-of-time]

I find it hilarious that during David’s rebuttal showdown, he calls Teruko out on looking for reasons to distrust people when he himself is proving her point that you can’t trust people

(Not to say he’s wrong because she is in fact doing it but still)

Also, a detail I like is that due to being the Ultimate Motivational Speaker (albeit a better title would be the Ultimate Manipulator) he’s so good with his words that he almost won the Showdown until Charles came in with the clutch

It kinda reminds me of when you have to Rebuttal Showdown Peko in SDR2 and it's much harder because she’s the Ultimate Swordswoman and the medium for RS is swords

//Yeah, that was such a good moment too! I was not expecting Charles to intervene there, especially since, as I suspected, he knows much more than he was letting on

//But god, what was "I think we fucked up" even refer to? That's what's really getting me

#mod talks #a student out of time #danganronpa despair time

[rose-bride-bracket]

Question about the swordswoman showdown: May I submit Gundam Aerial from Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury? Yes, Aerial's a giant mecha suit, but Suletta Mercury views her as an older sister, [naq va snpg, Nrevny vf gur obql bs Fhyrggn'f byqre fvfgre, Revpug Fnznln]*, she's sentient, and she wields a beam saber, so I feel like she should qualify, but I could see where someone might disagree with that assessment.

*The bracketed text is in rot13 since it contains a major spoiler for The Witch from Mercury, and I don't know if you've seen it yet.

I am not the mod of that bracket lol

#asks #the rose bride bracket

[eggs-can-draw]

slow trial start so I'm just gonna talk about some stuff I like about v3 (I started typing this up at the beginning but now its not the beginning and things are actually Happening fuck) I love the podiums and trial itself it really makes the whole thing feel a lot more alive yknow? With the podiums moving all over the place and whenever someone is prime suspect and they get moved to the middle you can FEEL the anxiety there and and and the LIGHTING it makes everything feel so much more dramatic with the BIG OMINOUS WINDOWS and it's just such a cool setting for the class trials not as suffocating as the sdr2 trial rooms felt and I'm not bringing the dr1 trial rooms into this because I struggle to bring words to those but its its own flavor of vibe. AND THE MENUS!! the colors are so pretty and they fit the vibe so nicely. the look of the rebuttal showdown is a tribute to The Swordswoman Ever in my head and it looks so cool. The hints of pink in the menus after Shuichi takes over makes me so emotional its SYMBOLIC THE THEMES OK. also the first time I saw the screen transitions made me point at my screen and go "omg like persona 5" also just the colors in general? So pretty. I love how all the characters have a color cohesion to them it makes my eyes smile. they all just kinda Go Together and I love it ALSO THE OP FUCKING RULES THE JAZZ THE VIBE THE WAY THAT IT CHANGES A BIT EVERY TRIAL TO REALLY REINFORCE HOW FEW PEOPLE WERE LEFT AS TIME GOES ON? DELICIOUS The way that the text presents itself in the all out debates is so visually interesting I love it, from flowers and glitter to font changes and highlights its SO SO SO I want to put it in my mouth also hangmans gambit looks like an actual game that. you can play. without craving death and that's pretty impressive.

#eggs can speak #ndrv3 #I have a lot of love in my heart #and sometimes that means saying a lotta what I love about something because this room feels a bit too negative sometimes #this game has been pretty good and I'm proud of the hard work that went into it #yeah it isnt perfect and. *looks at ch3* decisions were made #but SO FAR I still think it's a game worth your time #im not done yet tho so it still has time to make me hate it

[wheresyourhope]

is sans undertale the love of your life

Anti Opened Pandora’s Box

          “Of course. We have a date every Friday                night. We’re the cutest couple to ever grace this earth…”

     He rolled his eyes and threw up his hands.

          “Anyone can see that. All of the times                we’ve collaborated really worked in favor of           cementing our love for one another…”

     Nagito grew more sarcastic as he went on. Had he rehearsed this? Had he been expecting someone to ask him?

          “Don’t get me started on our never-ending                conflict with Kanye West…If he could only admit his defeat           and say what we all know is true, the war would                be over. Then Sans Undertale and I could live happily ever after…”

          “…”

          “…Are you joking, Nagito?”

     The sarcasm vanished.

          “Of course I am! Do you have any idea how                many people ask me about this on a daily basis? If I don’t           come up with an elaborate story, I’ll lose my mind!”

          “You mean…you have not already?”

     Ouch, Peko.

#[ komaeda has a lot of opinions on sans undertale #this is probably the dumbest answer #i've ever given to an ask #but i'm glad it finally happened ] #daedaluscried #x Rebuttal Showdown || Asks #x Share My Luck || Ask Nagito #x Ultimate Gamer || Chiaki Nanami #x Ultimate Swordswoman || Peko Pekoyama #x Welcome to Dangan Island || Shitposting

[wingzemonx]

Flying in the Wind [Genshin Impact] - Chapter 07. A sword at the service of a cause

Chapter 07 A sword at the service of a cause

10 years ago...

Although most of the time it was Kazuha who went to the Kamisato Estate to visit Ayaka, there were a few times when the roles were reversed, and the future Heron Princess had the opportunity to see her friend's (and fiancé's) house. And, of course, this was motivated by the desire to know his home and the people with whom he related when he was not with her. But one of the most important reasons was actually being able to train in the famous Kaedehara dojo.

As the two boys spent more time together, Ayaka heard more about the incredible skills of the Kaedehara clan's swordsmen, from Kazuha himself and from other people. And having started swordsmanship herself that year, around the same time as Kazuha, going and training with them was pretty tempting. Especially if she had the chance to clash swords directly with her friend and show him how much she had improved.

Ayaka's wish was fulfilled without much trouble on her first visit to the dojo. After the proper introductions, a bit of warming up, and exercises to loosen up the body, it was time for dueling practice. And, of course, the main event was the showdown between the two little trainees. They stood in the center of the combat area, facing each other, firmly holding the bamboo swords in front of them.

It was a little strange for Kazuha to see Ayaka's intense gaze and feel her fervent desire for combat. Of course, he already knew in advance that she had been practicing for several months already. Still, he had to admit that it was a bit difficult for him to relate the kind, sweet, smiling, and bookish young lady he had met up to that moment with a skilled swordswoman.

He understood how big his mistake was when the match began, and Ayaka launched herself without hesitation at him, wielding her training weapon with the point straight at her opponent's face. Kazuha quickly dodged that first attack, feeling the bamboo blade brush past her cheek by mere millimeters. Ayaka's subsequent three attacks against him had a similar result until Kazuha had the opportunity to cover himself with his respective weapon. Now he did take the initiative and fought back.

The next thing everyone else training that afternoon saw was those two kids moving with extraordinary agility and ferocity. None made clumsy or careless movements. In fact, they seemed quite aware of what they were doing, much more than some older students.

The confrontation lasted almost five uninterrupted minutes in which neither gave their arm to twist. Ayaka would attack, and Kazuha would dodge or cover. Kazuha attacked, and Ayaka followed suit, showing off movements so graceful they almost resembled a dance.

The fatigue little by little began to decrease their speeds, and tiny drops of sweat ran down both faces.

In the end, only one could strike the first blow.

After a series of consecutive attacks, both fighters separated, practically being in opposite corners. But neither stopped and as soon as their bare feet hit the wooden floor firmly enough, they lunged at each other again. Kazuha raised his sword above his head and brought it down hard in front, hoping to hit his opponent, who was heading straight for him with great speed. It seemed impossible that she could stop in time to avoid the strike. However, to the stunning eyes of Kazuha and the others present, Ayaka stood on one foot and quickly turned her entire body, using the sheer momentum it brought to not only dodge Kazuha's attack but also flip around him.

Kazuha barely managed to get out of his astonishment to turn to see her to the side. And yet he could only watch as Ayaka finished her full turn, pulling her sword towards him with all the acceleration it brought, hitting Kazuha hard in the back with it. And even if it was a bamboo sword, it still hurt.

Young Kaedehara took a few clumsy steps forward, pushed by the blow. He nearly fell over but planted his feet firmly on the floor and quickly turned back to Ayaka. However, he was surprised to see the young girl sitting on the ground, breathing heavily. Apparently, after that sudden and quick turn, she had lost her balance and fallen to the ground. And seeing the look of confusion on her friend's face, she laughed a little nervously, placing a hand behind her head.

Kazuha laughed as well. It was not an entirely elegant victory for the young Kamisato. Still, no one could deny that it was, indeed, a victory.

"It's enough, stop," the instructor's voice said powerfully, accompanied by two loud applause that resounded in the echo of the dojo.

The attention of the two opponents turned at the same time to the instructor, a samurai named Katsumoto. He was a tall, stocky man with thick arms, black hair and beard, and wheatish skin. At first sight, he was quite imposing and intimidating; Ayaka had been a bit shocked when she first saw him. However, he had quickly shown himself to be a good-natured man indeed. And he showed it when a broad, friendly smile spread across his thick lips as he approached her.

"Very impressive, Lady Kamisato," Katsumoto murmured, reaching out one of his large hands to the little girl to help her up. Ayaka accepted his help. "It had been a long time since I had seen Master Kazuha sweat so much in training."

"Thank you," Ayaka murmured, still breathing heavily. Once on her feet, she turned to her opponent and offered him a respectful bow. "It was a splendid duel, Kazuha. You are amazing."

"No more than you, Ayaka," answered the young man with light hair, also imitating the same act.

"Let this serve as a lesson to you not to neglect your training, Master Kazuha," Katsumoto pointed out, closely brushing against the scolding. "You can always be better."

Kazuha hung his head in embarrassment and only nodded in response.

"Very well," Katsumoto snapped, turning to the rest. "Aoi, Saki, come to the center now."

Two more students rose from their places with their weapons drawn. That was the signal for Ayaka and Kazuha to withdraw from the combat area and sit with the others around it.

Both boys sat next to each other on the ground, ready to watch the next match. They were two older students and, therefore, more experienced, so Ayaka wanted to see what they were capable of. However, her friend did not entirely share her enthusiasm. In fact, Kazuha had something else on his mind at the moment, and it was very far from that match.

"I want to confess something to you, Ayaka," young Kaedehara murmured slowly, drawing the girl's attention to him.

His voice sounded a little dismayed, and he looked not at her but at the floor, his thoughtful expression. This worried Ayaka a bit; she thought that perhaps the blow to his back had been more severe than she thought. However, it was not about that.

"My uncle... He told me not to go overboard with you in training," he murmured under his breath with regret. "He said that if I hurt you even a little, there would be consequences..."

"You mean... you let me win?"

"No, not really," Kazuha hurried to clarify. "At first, I tried to hold back, but your abilities surprised me. If I hadn't been serious, the hurt one would be me... and well, technically, I still was."

That last comment was accompanied by a small giggle. Apparently, that had been one of his unusual attempts at a joke.

"If you don't believe me, you can trust Katsumuto's words," he added, looking up at the other side of the training room, from which the samurai Katsumoto was observing the new confrontation. "He is the best swordsman in the service of the Kaedehara clan, perhaps the best in all of Inazuma. He would have noticed right away if I wasn't fighting like usual and wouldn't have praised your skills if he didn't really think that."

At that moment, he lowered his eyes again, embarrassed.

"But... As I said, I initially intended to do as my uncle asked, and I apologize to you for that."

Ayaka stared at him in silence for a few moments, not quite revealing what she was thinking. Perhaps she herself wasn't quite sure how she felt upon hearing his explanation, but she wasn't surprised either. Even at her young age, Ayaka had noticed how people always tried to give her special treatment because she is a Kamisato. But Kazuha hadn't done it in the end and even felt sorry for even considering it.

That inevitably brought a smile of gratitude to the little girl's lips.

"There's nothing to apologize for," she muttered slowly, placing a hand over his. Kazuha turned to look at her at last, a little surprised, though relieved to see that there was not a trace of anger in the girl's gaze. "But promise that you'll continue to train seriously with me. Yes?"

"Yes, I promise," he replied quickly, nodding his head and smiling back at her.

* * * *

Present time...

Kazuha and Tomo walked away from the tea shop for a few minutes without saying anything. They advanced until they climbed a small high ridge, from which they had a direct view of the horizon and the setting sun. Tomo stood just on the edge of that cliff, staring into the distance. The sea was calm, and its waters lapped gently on the shore. Behind him, the sky was beginning to fill with stars. Kazuha, for his part, stood a few steps behind him.

"It's not anything as suspicious as you're thinking," Tomo muttered after a while, not needing to be asked by Kazuha. "It's just a favor for a good friend."

"Are you talking about that Divine Priestess that man mentioned?" Kazuha asked seriously.

"Yes, she is."

"And exactly what favor could a priestess ask of you?"

"Well, I guess you can get a theory or two out of what you heard, can't you?" Tomo commented with a slightly joking tone, shrugging.

It wasn't that they had really said much... but perhaps enough to actually draw a few conclusions. Kazuha didn't like to assume random things, but he would play along if his friend wanted to.

He then advanced a few steps forward until he stood by Tomo's side and could also contemplate the sunset while feeling the sea breeze touch his face. When he was ready, he just blurted out the "theory" that was running through his head:

"From what that man mentioned, I guess your friend is interested in acquiring something from that person you both mentioned; Masakatsu. And even if you say otherwise, it seems to be suspicious enough to require a secret meeting with a secret key phrase to identify yourself."

Tomo laughed, amused, and also somewhat embarrassed, upon hearing that. More than a theory, it almost sounded like an accusation... and maybe it was.

"Well, I wouldn't call it suspicious, but delicate," Tomo defended himself, scratching his cheek a little. He immediately tried to adopt a more composed posture. "Masakatsu is a famous and highly skilled craftsman, known in the underworld for developing a unique technique to create false Visions."

"What?" Kazuha exclaimed incredulously. "Did you say false Visions?"

Tom nodded.

"They are supposed to be so similar to the real ones that it is not possible to tell them apart with the naked eye. Of course, they couldn't fool the Shogun herself or someone much more experienced in the matter. But they work wonders to trick the average Tenryou soldiers into letting you go."

Kazuha thought he had misheard, but that description didn't leave much room for confusion.

False visions... He never would have imagined that something like this was even possible.

"So, that man Masakatsu gives false Visions to people to fool the Tenryou commission?" Kazuha questioned, the skepticism still in his voice. "Sounds too risky..."

"Of course it is; betrayal, at least," Tomo said with surprising ease. "However, for many people, it can be the difference. This afternoon, in front of the statue, you mentioned that you would fight to the end so that no one would take your vision away from you. Unfortunately, not everyone has the strength to do the same, even with a vision. Like that man we saw recently."

The remainder of what had happened earlier caused Kazuha a slight sense of annoyance. And not only because of Ayaka, but also because of that man, wounded and taken from his vision. It was a scene that Kazuha would have preferred not to witness. In fact, if it hadn't been for his old friend's sudden intervention... he wasn't sure what he would have done.

"Giving the Tenryou guards a false vision doesn't guarantee they won't bother you again," Kazuha pointed out a little sharply. "Sooner or later, someone might realize the cheat. If the soldiers don't do it, the priestesses in the service of the Shogun will, or even she."

"Maybe yes, maybe no. Anyway, it'd give them some time and options. And for many, that is enough. Sangonomiya Kokomi, my friend we discussed a few moments ago, is the high priestess of Watatsumi, and a strong detractor of the Vision Hunt Decree. Surely you've heard about the latest riots that have taken place there, haven't you?"

Indeed, Kazuha had heard something on the way; about fishermen refusing to go fishing, and trade routes stopped. Kazuha wasn't entirely aware either, but the rumors were starting to get louder.

"She was involved in that?" Kazuha asked curiously.

"So so. But don't tell anyone, okay?" The wandering samurai commented, winking at him knowingly.

And who exactly could I tell? Kazuha thought, but at the moment, that was not his primary concern.

Tama poked her head out at that moment, letting out a tiny meow into the air. She seemed to want to come out of hiding, but Tomo stopped her with a hand, making her stay where she was.

As he stopped his kitten, he continued with his explanation.

"Kokomi recently found out about Masakatsu's work from one of her contacts. She wishes to acquire several of these false Visions to distribute among Watatsumi and Yashiori, thus attracting more people to her cause."

"And what is that cause exactly?" Kazuha questioned, a little urgently. "Abolish the Vision Hunt Decree, perhaps?"

Tomo smiled widely and shrugged once more.

"Everything in its time, of course."

"What you're telling me is crazy," Kazuha muttered, sounding like a claim. "All this sounds like more than betrayal; it is basically insurrection. Why did you get involved in something like that?"

"Well..." Tomo muttered a little hesitantly, looking up at the already almost completely dark sky above him. "The way things are right now, it's risky for Kokomi or any of her followers to come to Inazuma personally. But a wandering swordsman like me draws much less attention. So it's ideal, don't you think?"

He turned to see him in those moments with a carefree smile and a look that perhaps tried to appear innocent... without quite succeeding. Kazuha, on the other hand, looked back at him with apparent disapproval.

"You know that wasn't what I was asking," Kazuha pointed out sharply. "You told me long ago that you would never put your sword or your skills at the service of any lord. You said the political and economic issues that interested the nobility were unimportant distractions from the real problems. Has all that changed?"

"No, of course not," Tomo sighed. "Everything I told you is accurate. But this goes beyond a simple political issue, my friend..."

Tomo's gaze was fixed entirely on the horizon. The sun had almost completely set, but the stars and the moon were so bright that they could still easily see the movement of the swaying water, as well as the leaves on the trees stirring slightly in the pleasant breeze that was blowing.

"I know you have chosen to live most of your time away from cities, towns, and people," Tomo pointed out, his voice solemn and firm. "But even so, someone as sensitive as you surely already realized that the atmosphere in Inazuma has changed; its people have changed. You can feel that air of oppression and sadness that washes over everyone, can't you? It is so intense that you cannot just be ignorant of it."

Kazuha fell silent, unable to actually say anything to deny such a statement. Of course, he had realized that things had changed. Inazuma was no longer nearly the place it was before. Lately, only in nature and away from people was where Kazuha had been able to find peace.

"Yes, we are now a calm and conflict-free nation," Tomo continued in the same tone. "But at what price? The Shogun's intentions may sound noble, but she wants to achieve her longed-for Eternity using people's wishes and dreams as a foundation. Even as a deity, she is hell-bent on fighting a futile battle against time and change, taking us all down with her. And this can only bring more suffering. As you rightly said, my sword is not in the service of any lord, and that includes Sangonomiya Kokomi. But it will always be for the good people of Inazuma. And while I'm still here, I'll do what I can to lighten this heavy load that's fallen on them. Although for that, I have to go against the wishes of the Almighty Shogun."

"And you really think giving them false visions will help them in any way?" Kazuha questioned hesitantly.

"It's only the beginning," Tomo answered, with a lighter voice. "As I said before: everything in its time..."

Kazuha again didn't know what to say. Everything his friend told him made some sense. He had thought himself many of those things, and he was sure they weren't even close to the only ones in Inazuma who believed the same. But was there really anything that could be done about it? Was there something humans could do to override the wishes of a deity...?

"There will always be those who dare to brave the lightning's glow."

Tomo had said those words to him a while ago. And he was beginning at that moment to think that there was more behind them than he had initially thought...

A sound behind them drew Kazuha's attention. This was followed by small movements in the shadows of the night. Bushes and branches moving.

Someone was approaching.

And it wasn't just one, but several...

"Tomo," he said quickly to get his friend's attention. This one, however, had actually already realized it.

"Yeah, I know," the samurai muttered slowly, his gaze still on the horizon. "They've been watching us for a long time. At first, I thought they were after Masakatsu or our new friend, but they seemed more interested in us."

As they got closer and the moonlight illuminated them, Kazuha glanced over his shoulder at their appearances; and, more importantly, their intentions.

They were ronin, about six in all. They all wore old and tattered clothes, but they came armed with swords, ready to draw. They were undoubtedly the same ones that the Tenryou Commission was looking for.

Kazuha sighed, a bit annoyed.

"If their intention is to loot us, they chose the worst targets they could," he murmured slowly to his companion. "We don't even have that much money to justify the risk."

"Well, that's not entirely true," Tomo muttered suddenly, his voice sounding a little nervous. Kazuha turned to look at him, confused. "Neither Kokomi nor I knew that someone else was going to finance this transaction, so I am bringing with me a... relatively large amount of Kokomi's money, which she planned to offer as a first payment."

The young Kaedehara narrowed his eyes slightly, incredulous that he had really heard what he heard.

"How much is a "relatively large" amount?

The presence of the ronin grew more vivid behind them, so they both turned to face them at once. Kazuha noticed that it wasn't just six, but actually almost ten. Their menacing eyes shone with the moon, and some had even already drawn their swords.

"Enough to justify the risk, certainly," Tomo commented, again quite calmly.

"And I guess just giving it to them for good isn't an option, is it?" Kazuha suggested.

"Of course not. I have to return it to Kokomi entirely, or she'll get mad; and you don't want to meet her mad, believe me. She could even force us to repay her up to the last mora. Do you have any idea how long it would take me to recover that amount...?"

"I got it," Kazuha cut him off with annoyance, sighing. Then he took a step forward, also placing his right hand on the hilt of his own sword. This put the apparent assailants on alert. "You'd better think very hard about what you want to do next," he warned them in a firm voice. "And also decide if it is worth doing it for simple money."

"Money is the least important thing to us at the moment," snapped a deep, imposing voice, echoing loudly in the darkness.

Kazuha's firmness waned at the moment of hearing that voice...

So many years had passed, but the boy's entire body reacted with a shock as soon as he heard it as if not a single day had passed.

One of the ronin moved closer. He was a tall, stocky man with thick arms and wheatish skin. And when he raised his kasa just a little with one hand, the moonlight illuminated his face. Kazuha could see it more clearly, including those intense and penetrating dark eyes and that beard no longer as straight or black as before...

"We meet again after so long, Master Kazuha," the man said stoically.

And if Kazuha had any doubts, they were instantly dispelled.

"Katsumoto..."

Author's Notes:

— Katsumoto, the samurai of the Kaedehara clan introduced in this chapter, is also an original character not based on any character in the game. Yes, I know I've been introducing several in these chapters, but don't worry, there won't be many more either.

Thank you very much for your words of support and for sharing your opinions regarding Teleport Waypoints and horses. They helped me a lot. I know that the first meeting between Ayaka and Kazuha is becoming desired. But have a little patience; I promise you it will all be worth it in the end.

We'll read each other again soon.

#genshin impact #fanfic #genshin fanfic #genshin headcanons #kaedehara kazuha #kamisato ayaka #kazuyaka #fanfiction #wingzemonx #flying in the wind

[sailormoonrewrite]

If DIC Dubbed These Episodes

Just to be fun.

Meeting of Destiny: The Night Pegasus Dances >  “Dreams Take Flight”

Super Transformation Once Again: Nightmare from Behind the Mirrors > “No Ordinary Horsepower”

Mamoru’s Mysterious Illness: Double Moon Attack > “Sweet Dreams”

The Perfect Couple: Usagi and Mamoru’s Love > “Perfect Couple “

Fish’s Eye’s Trap: Super Sailor Mercury’s True Power > “Mercury’s Song”

The True Maiden: Mystery of the Golden Crystal > “The Maiden and the Crystal” 

Juban Holiday: The Carefree Princess > “The Duchess’s Day Off”

Catch Pegasus: The Amazons’ Trap > “Baiting the Trap”

Aiming for the Top: The Pretty Swordswoman's Dilemma > Cutting It Close>

Drive to the Heavens: Mamoru Gets a Car! > “Driven Dreamers”

Tiger’s Eye Trap: Super Sailor Mars True Power > “The Might of Mars”

The Secret Mansion: A Menu of Love for You > “Recipe for Danger”

Connecting Hearts: Chibiusa and Pegasus > “A Teacher’s Lesson”

Pegasus Disappears: Wavering Friendship > “Dream Believer”

Chibi-Usa's Little Rhapsody of Love > “Rini’s Lovely Rhapsody”

Hawk’s Eye Trap: Super Sailor Jupiter’s True Power > “Lita’s Lightning Round”

Protect Mamoru: The Curse of the Black Rose > “Darien’s Deadly Disease”

Pegasus's Secret: The Boy Who Protects the Dream World > “Pegasus Revealed”

Mamoru Needs to Be Taken Care of! Nurse Usagi and Nurse Chibiusa to the Rescue! > “Nurse’s Orders”

The Dead Moon’s Trap: Super Sailor Venus’s True Power > “Heart of Venus”

The Outer Senshi’s New Life: Hotaru’s Vision > “The Good Life”

The Super Sailor Outer Senshi Awakens: The Ten Guardians Reunite > “Reunited Once More”

Dentist of Horrors? PallaPalla's House > “Dental Dilemmia”

Don't Lose Sight of Your Dreams: The Mirror of Truth > “Reflections of Reality”

Dream to Be an Adult: The Amzoness Quartet’s Confusion > “Tomorrow’s Big Dreams”

Zirconia Attacks Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask!: Sailor Senshi On Their Own > “The Dead Moon Make Their Move!”

Usagi’s Dream: A Simple Life > “Childish Dreams”

Elysion The Kingdom Protected By the Sun > “The Cursed Kingdom”

The Golden Prince of the Earth: Usagi and Mamoru’s Past > “Golden Past”

The Dead Moon’s True Plan: Chibi Moon and Sailor Saturn Captured > “ Show Time Showdown “

The Dark Side of the Moon: The Evil Queen Nehelenia Revealed > “The Moon’s Dark Side”

Entrance to the Lost Kingdom: Gates of Elysion > “Locked in a Labyrinth”

Trapped in the Nightmares: Tuxedo Mask’s True Power > “Nightmares No More”

United Together: The End of Zirconia > “Zirconia Strikes Out”

Truth of the Amazoness Quartet: The Sailor Quartet > “Dreams of Their Own”

Terror in Motion: The Dark Queen's Evil Hand > “Day of Night”

The Truth of Nehelenia: Queen Serenity’s Mistake > “Family Matters”

The Silver and Golden Crystals: Bond of Soulmates > “Bonded Together”

The Sailor Senshi’s Crystals United: The Eternal Sailor Senshi > “The Sweetest Dream”

#sailor moon #sailor moon rewrite #Sailor Moon Super S #sailor moon rewritten #bishoujo senshi sailor moon #usamamo #mamoru x usagi #usagi x mamoru #dic sailor moon

[victorie552onepiecespeedrun]

READING One Piece pt 11: The Legend has Begun

Chapter 100! haha, 3 digits!

My thoughts:

- We’re on chapter 100! Three digits! Yay! Now to 900 more! (My plan is I’ll catch up before chapter 1000. It’s 15 weeks not counting pandemia and holidays. Sounds reasonable, even if I get somewhat bored in the meantime and slow down. It will be harder to do with these recaps and I actually lowkey have a life despite (gestures at everything) so we’ll sea how it goes. But really, I want to catch up before this manga ends, even for a little while. I hope it won’t end at chapter 1000 like Naruto did at 700. That would be ok but sad. Half a joy of reading manga is it’s fandom)  

- “The Legend has begun” AAAAAAAAAAA

- They’re in a town of Beginning and End. Well, it’s Luffy’s beginning

- Wait, where’s first pages only story of Coby and Helmeppo? It’s short but I’m invested

- They’re citing King Roger ominiously in a storm. I have high high hopes for this story (it even can be a real life quote, I wouldn’t be surprised)

- King Pirate G. Roger? Headcannon that G. stands for Gilbert. King Gilbert The Great Guy

- HOW did you survive that lighting, Buggy

- Huh, that’s a nice teamwork for these pirates

- Nevermind

- So THAT’S why he’s Captain Smoker. got me there

- How do you fight a smoke

- Net blocking special abilities? Crafty

- Good luck burning a ship during a storm, man

- That was easy

- Oh, showdown. Nothing worse than a fury of deceived swordswoman

- Sanji calm down, she’ll stab him herself. Or Zoro will stab himself for the fun of it. That’s a high possibility

- That was fast

- You’re a good egg, Roronoa Zoro, you’re a good egg

- Why are they arguing over that?????

- Another showdown

- That was fast too, Luffy wouldn’t know how to punch smoke, not on first try

- What

- One sentence and new guy already sounds like he’s in a cult. He probably is

- Dragon??

- “Don’t order me around!” We got another badass here. And we’ll get more of Tashigi/swordswoman/definitely!not!Kuina! (yeah, I have theories AND keep forgetting her name), yeeees

- Buggy too?

- Straw Hats! To achieving our dreams!

- ONTO THE GRAND LINE!

Now this is what I call chapter 100. They finally got there. Consider the Legend Begun.

rOP 10  rOP 12

#one piece #one piece speed read #This one I wanted as a single chapter recap #that's always a milestone #ok so new guy will definitely be important later #the question is: Is he in a cult? #and are they laughing at us (well me) that we think she's Kuina #or are they TELLING us she's Kuina #man angst vs. tragic backstory fight #they actually respect women in this manga so that's another factor here #hmmmmmm #spoiler #spoilers #have a nice day #rOP 11

[hubristicassholefight]

Swordswoman Showdown Round 4/Quarterfinal

Kikunojo (One Piece) vs Brienne of Tarth (A Song Of Ice and Fire)

(Better here in a "preferred character" sense, not "who would win in a fight")

Propaganda below cut

Kikunojo

She is a samurai and a retainer for the Kozuki Family, serving as one of the Nine Red Scabbards, a group of samurai that protect the Kozuki family and their country. She's a very skillful samurai, and she and her group managed to delay and hold off the main villain of the arc, (which was an almost insurmountable task for even the main character) and survived the experience despite her horrible injuries; She's canonically and openly trans! And she's gorgeous. And huge... She's 287 cm tall, which for the USAmericans in the audience is 9' 5". She's simply the coolest.

She’s a samurai and fights with a sword; tall trans woman <3

Legendary devoted samurai!; She's 2.87m tall, a time traveler, and not even losing an arm in the middle of the fight stopped her- she had it imediately cauterized and went back to the fight.

She's a lady samurai! Pretty and very skillful with her katana!

She is a samurai who was sent 20 years into the future to avenge the death of her lord; She’s so tall and canonically trans and I love her

She’s a badass samurai who fights for what she believes in and to help people. She is known as Kiku of lingering snow. She’s also canonically trans

She's a time traveling trans samurai, the only woman in a group of 9 legendary samurais; Her arm was chopped off by the biggest baddie so far and she continued fighting, isn't that badass?

One of the strongest samurai in her country; She's a trans icon

#kiku the greatest of all time#🐐#tall and gorgeous samurai lady#who is a trans icon#love that she is so tall that she doesn't fit in the image display#gets recognized as strong by the main character multiple times and proves it by being the most resilient badass of the entire arc#stands up to tyrants and abusers of class privilege#also helps break said main character out of the enemies prison and takes part in a rebellion against the corrupt prison staff#one piece#okiku#kiku

#kiku is canonically trans

Brienne

gets gifted a sword made with the rarest metal ever because she’s THAT good; she’s simply the best

Brienne is one of the top sword users alive in her day. She's descended from a man who's catchphrase was "I'm better with a sword." Better than what? You. Jaime Lannister. Loras Tyrell. Any five given guys at once. She has a fantastic sword that might be magic or cursed and is named Oathkeeper because that's what she does; I love her

Beat like 20 guys in a tournament when she was 19. Was given a magic sword. Won a sword fight against the premier swordsman in the realm. Very swordly; Very tall and strong. Holds her sword in high esteem. Accomplished with other weapons as well!

She's defeated multiple of the top knights in the series in duels. One such knight gifts her the fabergé egg of swords and she uses it to defend orphans and stuff. Got out of a bad betrothal by dueling him and beating his ass so bad she broke multiple bones. Honestly there's so much more she is the swordswoman of all time. to me; She's buff and ugly and 6' 5" and so honorable and kind that she inspires the guy who fucks his sister to yknow. stop doing that. literally gets mauled for the sake of protecting a bunch of orphans (with her sword). also she's 20 she should be at the club ‼️

One of the best sword wielders in Westeros, the author says he would pick her to defend him. Has a cool sword called Oathkeeper. Manages to go up against 7 fighters and take out most of them,. The only true knight; First off, talking about book brienne, they massacred show brienne, the show runners simply didn’t understand what she’s about.“ She had no chance against seven, she knew. No chance, and no choice” brienne had plenty of choice but she couldn’t leave people to die. The chivalric paradigm is rotten and corrupted, but here is Brienne, the one true knight, who isn’t even a actual knight! “knights are for killing”, but here is a knight who risks her life again and again to protect innocents! Bri IS hope, she is the light in the dark that shows that things can be better, things must be better. Fundamentally an idealist: “Winter will never come for the likes of us. Should we die in battle, they will surely sing of us, and it's always summer in the songs. In the songs all knights are gallant, all maids are beautiful, and the sun is always shining”

#kikunojo #one piece #brienne of tarth #a song of ice and fire #game of thrones #poll #official #swordswoman showdown #round 4 #quarterfinals

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, round 1, bracket two

Propaganda:

For Kiku:

She is almost 10 feet/3 meters tall and is a gorgeous trans woman and samurai, who is very loyal to her allies. She gets recognized as strong by the main character multiple times and proves it by being one of the most resilient badasses in the entire series. Helps break said main character out of the enemy's prison and takes part in a rebellion against the corrupt prison staff. She stands up to a tyrant who enslaved her country, said tyrant can also turn into a giant dragon. When the highest ranked sumo in the area is abusing class privilege and harassing both the townsfolks and her, she cuts his top knot off in public, effectively ending his career. Then after cutting the sumo's not knot, she uses her great acting skills to win the crowd to her side by playing the innocent maiden and being all "oh, no, what have I done?" (She knew exactly what she did >:) After her country is free, she also gets to enjoy being girly and mellow once everyone is able to relax, and everyone respects that side of her too. All of this at just 22 years of age, what a cool lady

She's a samurai who's great with a sword and she's also trans.

She is cannonically trans and is a very cool swordswoman!

Trans samurai!! Kenshi is gender neutral, but this is a swordsWOMAN

One of the most powerful samurai in her country, also a trans icon.

She’s canonically trans and awesome and pretty and she’s so tall! 🏳️‍⚧️

For Luo Binghe:

This boy not just studied the blade, he learned the blade FROM HIS CRUSH. And not only that but he actually has tons of symbolism around BOTH of the swords he wields over the course of the novel. His childhood sword gets broken when he's about to be thrown into his corruption arc, but the pieces are carefully preserved by his crush, and later he rebuilds the sword in question. Once he is fully freed from corrupting influence of his other sword, he uses this one again! It represents his inner goodness that gets broken, but is never really gone. The other is a cursed sword representing toxic masculinity that corrupts his mind and pushes him to harm himself and others. It gets destroyed in the end thru the power of gay love!

His sword is first broken symbolizing his trauma and loss of innocence when he is kicked into hell. Then his other sword, Xin Mo, which he finds in hell, represents toxic masculinity and he breaks it at the climax of the novel. It can also dimension travel and is evil.

Binghe has two different songs in this book and a complicated relationship with both of them. First there is Zhen Yang which breaks at a dramatic moment and is mourned over by his teacher/love interest "like a grieving widow". And then there's Xin Mo! His "golden finger". The most ridiculously overpowered sword in the world, it can even cut rifts in the fabric of the world. It also runs on sex and violence and drives him to madness which can only be cured by the aforementioned love interest sacrificing himself... or by sex!

#sword gays showdown #luo binghe #the scum villain's self saving system #svsss #kikunojo #one piece #okiku

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

The Sparring Match (2/5)

So...Who’s next?

...!

*Maki dodges the swing of a blade.

Once again, I apologize for how unfair this seems...

However, I don’t plan on going easy on you...

I’ve fought against armed fighters with my bare hands before. Don’t worry about it.

Guess that leaves you and me, huh Sakura?

Indeed. Let’s go Mukuro!

Lets hope you last longer than that other girl...

Yes, let’s hope...

Peko! You got this! Fuck her up!

*Peko and Maki begin their showdown. Maki is able to dodge and makes attempts to counterstrike, but Peko dodges those too. However, Peko is able to get a good hit in and strikes Maki’s arm.

Ugh...!

You’re not the only one with experience...

For many years I’ve been dealing with assassins who have been going after the head of my Young Master...

*Peko attempts to jab Maki with the bamboo sword, but Maki stumbles out of the way and lands on her side.

And I don’t see why you should be any different...

*Peko attempts to swing downward on Maki, but to her alarm, Maki reaches up and grabs her wrist, stopping her.

Ah!

Well, for one...I’m not just any old assassin...

I’m the Ultimate Assassin...!

Oof!

*Maki kicks Peko in the stomach and recovers. As Peko stumbled back, Maki grabs the bamboo sword and snaps it in two.

!!!

Now what will you do? No Swordswoman with no sword, right?

Yes, I’ve been put at a severe disadvantage...

But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop fighting...I must always be prepared for a worse case scenario.

Well, I admire your willpower...

*Peko wildly attempts to take swings with her bare fists at Maki, who dodges them and continues to successfully counterstrike.

Ugh!

It’s over...!

Peko!

Ah!

*Maki throws Peko over her shoulder and slams her on the ground...

...!

...

Sorry...I think I’m getting a bit too rough...

No...you’ve merely been proving your capabilities...

But regardless...I clearly cannot win. I concede...

Peko Pekoyama has decided to forfeit! 

Dammit...

Need help getting back?

No...I can walk it off...

S-Sorry...I failed you, Fuyuhiko...

Don’t be sorry, I’m not mad.

It’s a little disappointing that you got knocked out so soon, but that ain’t your fault. I clearly underestimated the newbie...

Yes, I think most of us did...

She’s definitely got a winning steak going...

If she could defeat someone like you in battle Peko, then clearly she’s a natural born warrior.

At least you did more damage on her than Akane.

Would you care for something to eat Peko? I’ve been making food to pass around to everyone.

Let me have some too! I’m famished!

Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you Teruteru.

Current Ballot:

Sakura Ogami/Mukuro Ikusaba/Peko Pekoyama/Akane Owari/Maki Harukawa

Sakura: Sayaka Mondo Chihiro Hifumi Hina Nagito Seiko

Mukuro: Leon Celeste Makoto Toko Komaru Uchui

Maki: Taka Byakuya Hiyoko Himiko Yoruko Shuichi

#danganronpa survivor #danganronpa #danganronpa 1 #danganronpa 2 #danganronpa v3 #dr3 #dr2 #drv3 #maki harukawa #peko pekoyama #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #oc #kuripa kurafto #sakura ogami #mukuro ikusaba #mahiru koizumi #gundham tanaka #kazuichi soda #teruteru hanamura #ibuki mioda #the trial of koichi kizakura arc #sparring match

[tomstavern]

Take One

Alright! Welcome to the book, so glad you could make it! Tonight's show is entitled The Tested Love of Lorena and Bartholomew, or something less ridiculous. I'm sure we'll figure it out in the second draft. So! Without any further ado, let's get this show on the road!

LIGHTS!!

The sun shines on a quaint little hamlet. See the thatched roofs and the ox-drawn cart? Adorable.

CAMERA!!

We zoom in on the little town, closer and closer. Focus on a simple wooden barn, down through a hole in the ceiling and onto a young, bare-footed man. He gazes up at the lazily moving clouds through the slits in the ceiling. This is Bartholomew, one of the titular characters of this piece and I assure a remarkable performer.

 ACTION!!

"Ay me! How cruel are the gods to torment me thus! For what sin am I facing such fierce vengeance? My truest love, betrothed against her will, and in mere hours she will be wed to that barbarous dog, Earl Rochester!"

CUT!!

I'm sorry, that was… just awful. Alright, alright, don't stop reading yet! Let me think for a sec., we can fix this. 

Okay! I think I got it!

LIGHTS!!

The sun begins to set on the castle of Earl Worcestershire, an invincible fortress of solid stone surrounded by a moat. Completely inaccessible except by taking the heavily guarded drawbridge across.

CAMERA!!

We zoom down to a lone figure crossing the drawbridge and approaching the guards; a young, armor-clad man, with a sword and the kind of walk that means business. This is Bartholomew, you remember him.

ACTION!!

The guards rush out to meet him, but he makes short work of them. He thanks the gods for his lady love and his strong right arm. 

CUT!!

I'm pretty sure I read that book already. Don't close the book! Come on, buddy, have a little faith will ya? We're gonna make this work, alright? Maybe we should change the focus a bit. Let's take it from the top!

LIGHTS!!

The sun shines on a castle of stone and pretension. Surrounded by a moat to overcompensate. This is the castle of Earl Rottweiler.

CAMERA!!

Interior of the castle. Looking wistfully out the window is a pretty, young woman wearing a pretty, pink dress. This is Lorena, a titular character, Bartholomew's ‘truest love,' and a remarkable actress.

ACTION!!

"Ay, me!" Ho-

CUT!!

No! I just… please...

Okay. Let's try this again. Earl Rockefeller's castle, interior. Lorena leans against a wall, wearing a red dress. She calls for help. Okay? Okay.

Lights, Camera, Action…

The door opens and a guard enters. Lorena hits him on the back of the head, knocking him out, and takes his sword. Yeah! Get ‘em! She ties back her long, dark hair, gives the sword a practice swing and heads out into the hall. Look out, more guards! Oh… Looks like they're no match for the great Lorena! The finest sword- 

Oh, that's gross. It seems she isn't really okay with the whole ‘forced betrothal' thing. Look, I know that I'm supposed to tell you what's going on, but trust me, some things just aren't meant to be seen. Here's what you need to know: Swords are dangerous. Lorena is a master with a sword. Lorena is very dangerous, and she is pissed. Violently so. The earl's once richly decorated halls are now a nightmare that I will never be able to forget. 

Lorena runs through the castle, cutting down anyone even close to being in her way. Out the front doors and there's young Barty. Walking slowly across the drawbridge in armor too heavy for him, and holding a sword he can barely keep from dragging on the ground. Most warriors, and even many regular folks, would have laughed in his face, maybe even knocked him over on his back. Watch him turtle a little bit. But love is a funny thing. Covered in gore from her single-handed escape and massacre of the earl's guards, Lorena just smiled, and all the rage in her heart melted away.

Before she can speak, she hears footsteps behind her and the sound of crossbow bolts locking in place. She rushes forward, knocks Bartholomew to the ground, and tries to deflect the incoming bolts with her sword, but one slips past and into her stomach.

There is Earl Rockefeller, flanked by four crossbowmen. He smiles at Lorena, "What's wrong, baby, cold feet?"

CUT!!

What was that? That wasn't cool. Look, Earl, your betrothed just tried to run away on your wedding day, just before the wedding, killing dozens of your guards in the process, completely destroying your house, by the way. Trust me, you'll never get the place clean again, and you come out with a stupid line? Put some emotion into it! Really feel it! Alright, where were we? 

L,C,A.

There is Earl Rhododendron flanked by four crossbowmen. He looks at his bride to be and says, "Ay me! H-"`

CUT!!!

You're messing with me, right? You know what doesn't matter. The title doesn't mention an Earl or a villain of any kind.  So you're cut! You're finished! You'll never work in this book again! Not while I'm writing it  JACK!!

Does anyone have a problem with the way that just went down? No? Good. Let's see here, shouldn't be too difficult to replace that guy. Ah, yes, perfect. Let me just back up a bit.

L, C, A!

Lorena just smiled, and all the rage in her heart melted away. Before she could say anything, she heard the sound of crumbling stone and the unfurling of great wings. She ran forward to put herself in front of her love and turned to face her betrothed. Earl Rockback, a giant fire-breathing dragon. 

That's right, the king was crazy enough to make this literal monster an earl. AND it wants to get married. Which I think is admirable, I mean love has tamed many a fire breathing dragon. I don't agree with forcing said love onto someone who isn't into it, however. That's not okay.

So here we are, the moment we all wanted to see, as soon as I said the word ‘dragon' 71 words ago. The showdown. In this corner we have Lorena, a fierce warrior, master swordswoman, and reunited with his true love; who is NONE of those things, except the reunited with true love part. And 50 or 60 feet above this corner is Earl Rockback, a ferocious, fearsome, fire-breathing dragon who is just gonna destroy all of that. No question.

Fire erupts from Rockback's maw, but Lorena throws Bartholomew and herself off the bridge and into the moat. That bridge is incinerated! Lorena resurfaces and sees the Earl circling his castle as ash and bits of flaming wood rain down on her. Bartholomew is still at the bottom of the moat, drowning. Man, he's useless.

To be fair, he's trying not to drown, but that armor is just too heavy! Fortunately, Lorena sees this and hurries down to save him. She pulls him to the surface and the edge of the moat. He's unconscious and the Earl is on a full-blown rampage! The dragon flies behind the castle and she quickly pushes him onto the ground. To her surprise she is helped by a woman from the village. By the time they both are out on dry land the earl is tearing towards them. He opens his jaw, another blast of flame in his lungs, but he freezes as he hears,

"What are ye doin!? People live here, ye can't just burn everything down! You’re the Earl fer cryin' out loud!" It's the woman who helped the lovers out of the water, her red hair flowing in the breeze. When the Earl's red eyes met hers, his heart grew th-

CUT!!

What are you doing here!? Give me that! You got a lot of nerve, you know that? Very well. It seems our old friend the Earl is friends with my publisher who is demanding he gets put back into the story. So, my dear friend, let me show you how to compromise.

LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!

Lorena pulls Bartholomew onto dry land and lifts herself out of the water in time to see Earl Rumplestiltskin soaring overhead and, for reasons no one can explain, turns into a human and falls sixty feet onto a cart of hay, which is not even close to soft enough to cushion a fall from that height.

A woman with red hair hurries over to help him. She drags him out of the cart, which isn't a good idea. You shouldn't move someone with a back injury unless it's an emergency. You also should pay close attention to your surroundings when you go from dragon to human, so overall this is the Earl's fault. 

I'm glad he'll never walk again, but love is a funny thing. Despite his body being shattered and weaker than ever, when he looked into that woman's eyes, his heart seemed stronger than ever. At dawn, one week later, there was a double wedding. Which is more than a little tacky, in my opinion, but you know how budgets are. One moment you have all the money you need, then you hire a dragon and you're stuck with a tacky double-wedding.

And they all lived happily ever after. The great hero, Lorena and her doting husband Bartholomew settled down in a cottage by the sea. Earl Rumplestiltskin (who lived decidedly less happily ever after) married the redheaded mystery woman, named Vidalia. She was more than happy to take care of her paralyzed husband and living in a castle. She wished she had a nicer wedding, but them's the brakes.

And so the sun sets on a quaint little hamlet with thatched roofs and ox-drawn carts set in the shadow of a castle that may or may not have been slightly used by a dragon. 

The camera zooms out farther and farther until the hamlet is swallowed up by the surrounding forest.

Roll credits.

The End.

Oh boy. We're all gonna get fired. Oh! Wait, you can save my job. Look, there'll be a sequel! Eh? How does that sound? It's going to be incredibly exciting, filled with action and the forces of good overcoming evil with true love's kiss! It's going to be epic, and the special effects will blow you away! I guarantee it!!

So, if you want to see that, and save our jobs, you just gotta buy several copies of this book and tell your friends about it. Make them buy more copies than you did. 

Yeah, this could work.

#Tom's Tavern #Short story #Funny #Dragons #Sword fights #True love #lights camera action #True story but not what they would consider nonfiction

[swipestream]

New Release Roundup, 19 January 2019: Fantasy and Adventure

This week’s roundup of the newest releases in fantasy and adventure features a raygun past that should have been, a privateer out to rescue his fiancee, monstergirl madness, and the escape of a rogue superhero.

Accidental Assassin (Sellswords #2) – T. L. Branson

A light shines in the darkness.

The earnings from their last heist have dried up. Now, Ocken and Riley are once again in need of a job.

Ocken doesn’t dare work for the mysterious Viper again, but Riley wants to use the stranger to take down the crime lord, Edward Ziken. Except Viper is nowhere to be found.

But Viper isn’t the only one looking for hired hands. Soon, Ocken and Riley find themselves as pawns in yet another plot for power.

The job seems simple enough, but there’s more at stake than they could possibly know.

Bert Henderson Double Adventure – Spencer Hart

DEATH RAYS & DAMES are all in a day’s work for company troubleshooter Bert Henderson.

Bert’s boss runs Phillips’ Atomics, builder of atomic-powered planes, spaceships, and industrial tools. These high-tech inventions are revolutionizing the world of 1949. So when Mr. Phillips’ interests are threatened, Bert can find himself traveling anywhere on Earth – or beyond.

Criminals and foreign agents are in for more than they bargained for, when Henderson is on the case.

And if there’s a gorgeous dame involved along the way, that can bring its own sort of trouble…”

Contains Bert Henderson’s first and second adventures:

DEATH ON THE MOON: The first ever murder on the Moon brings Bert to Roosevelt Base to find the killer. Mr. Phillips is financing an observatory on the Moon, and construction is halted while the murderer is loose. Can Bert find the killer and prevent more death on the Moon?

FIRE IN THE ANDES: One of Mr. Phillips top engineers has gone missing in Argentina, and Bert is sent to find him. But the investigation leads to the discovery of a greater threat. Complications ensue from encountering a lovely senorita. Can Bert deal with both the case and the dame?

Breaker (Monster Tamer #1) – Isaac Hooke

Three women. 

One man. 

A whole lot of monsters.

Malem is a Breaker. He breaks the minds of beasts, exerting the steel vise of his will over their own, bending them to his wishes.

His ability is severely limited in terms of the types of creatures he can control, and how many. Most monsters have always been beyond him.

And then one day he accidentally breaks a monster girl. Doors begin to open for him faster than he thought possible…

Also available: Conqueror

Heroes Fall (Heroes Unleashed: Serenity City #1) – Morgon Newquist

He wanted to be a good man. Instead he became a hero.

Twenty years ago, Serenity City’s great Triumvirate of heroes – Achilles, the Banshee, and Pendragon – maintained a golden age of peace and prosperity. Then, in an instant, it all went wrong. The city’s mightiest champion, Achilles, lost his mind during a showdown with the enigmatic supervillain Thanatos and went on a rampage across the city, leaving the Banshee dead and a swath of destruction in his wake before Pendragon could stop him.

Today, as Achilles rots in solitary confinement, Victoria Westerdale investigates a new mystery. Why are young and forgotten heroes disappearing off the streets? Why doesn’t anybody else care? And how is it tied in to those infamous events that brought the city’s greatest heroes to ruin?

And what’s going to happen to them all after Achilles escapes?

Infinite Dendrogram #8 – Sakon Kaidou

In the year 2043, Infinite Dendrogram, the world’s first successful full-dive VRMMO was released. In addition to its ability to perfectly simulate the five senses, along with its many other amazing features, the game promised to offer players a world full of infinite possibilities

Having maxed out his Paladin rank, Ray considers what job to take and level next. As he does so, he hears of a job that was newly excavated alongside an ancient ruin in Altar’s Quartierlatin County — an area bordering the Dryfe Imperium.

As it happens, Ray already meets the conditions for the job, and it suits him well, so he wastes no time going out to make the switch. But of course things are never quite so simple…

Along the way, he encounters Azurite — a mysterious masked swordswoman. There was simply no way Ray could’ve known the far-reaching political implications of his venture to the ruins…

The Starry Sky Chessboard (Starchild Escapes Arranged Marriage #6) – Fat Bread

The vast sky contains thousands of God’s domains.

Yun Xi was born in the Sword Domain, more specifically, the White Lotus Sword Domain. He has a female childhood friend who tends to become jealous very easily, while running an ordinary bakery for a living. At the age of eighteen, he was to marry his arranged bride, with the wish of living his days normally and peacefully.

But on his sixteenth birthday, the shined down on him with three different choices for him to make. These three choices came in the form of three fairies which suddenly appeared in front of him. The boy then learned a terrible truth, that his life was at stake. A bad ending, which was supposed to happen to him, was coming soon.

In order to survive, the youth had to set foot on the battlefields of many deaths trails, all while learning how to love as well as struggling to become stronger.

The Steel Hounds (The Artar Chronicles #1) – Vladimir Vasilenko

Stan, also known as Mongoose, is an extreme traceur and a freerunner, whose real-life talents attracted the attention of The Steel Hounds, the most notorious and private clan of the virtual world of Artar, famous for serving the grey cardinal. While the political landscape for this new world is yet to form, intrigues, conspiracy, daring raids, and sabotage are the main weapons of the Hounds, and his evaluation has just begun.

To complete it successfully and become a full-fledged member of the clan, Stan will have to adapt to working side-by-side with the most unique people with shady backgrounds — even if he is not a team player by nature and has already failed at the very beginning by choosing the least suitable class for teamwork: Battle Monk.

Stan is rebellious, free-spirited, and daring. He risks his life every day just to avoid getting bored of the daily grind. Normally, an expelled student has no hope of entering the virtual world of Artar, an expensive online VR project, but when a suspicious organization offers to pay all expenses to let Stan in for a special purpose, Mongoose gets his chance to become one of the select few. However, to successfully complete his trial, Stan will have to face his main enemy — himself, while finding peace and mastering all five styles of the Battle Monks of Artar.

Voyage of the Lanternfish – C. S. Boyack

An honorable man is mistaken for his disreputable father. Now he’s pushed into a political scheme to start a war that will spread across multiple kingdoms. James Cuttler’s fiancé is being held captive to ensure he goes through with the plan.

He soon decides his skills are at sea and procures a ship to wage war upon those who disrupted his simple life. He can’t do it alone, so he recruits a band of cutthroats to help him. But first, they need guns and munitions to outfit the ship properly. Deception and trickery will only get them so far. Eventually, they’re going to have to engage the enemy.

James’ goals aren’t necessarily the same as his crew. It’s a delicate balancing act to collect enough loot to keep his crew happy, while guiding them back to rescue the girl.

Warhammer Chronicles: Warriors of the Chaos Wastes – C. L. Werner

Many horrors stalk the blasted wastes at the top of the world. Mortals and daemons alike wage war – and in this volume are three tales of such monstrous, god-touched warriors.

The Chaos Wastes are an unspeakable region of magic and madness. In this hellish tundra, the Dark Gods wrestle for supremacy and champions war in their name. Death comes for any who traverse these plains in swift and savage form. Yet there are those who dare brave the wastelands, burdened by their own dark purposes. Wulfrik the Wanderer, cursed by the Ruinous Powers, seeks a prize to appease the forces of Chaos; the Skulltaker, champion of Khorne, hungers for fresh blood; and the last warrior of a Norse tribe sets out to steal the treasure of a god. But in this monstrous arena, there are no winners. Dark forces plot, daemons feed, and even the landscape itself takes sides. This omnibus contains three novels by one of Black Library’s popular authors.

READ IT BECAUSE: These three classic novels exploring the nature of Chaos are from the master of dark fantasy, C L Werner – if you’ve not experienced them, you owe it to yourself.

Will of Fire (Buried Goddess Saga #3) – Rhett C. Bruno and Jaime Castle

A Kingdom held hostage. A thief lost in time. The battle to seal Elsewhere has begun.

The villainous Drad Redstar has won the favor of king and country after leading a decisive victory over the rebels at Winde Port. Now with a seat on the royal council, he condemns Torsten to a lifetime in the dungeon and invites his militant people to take up residence in the capital. But not all light has been squelched. There is one disgraced King’s Shieldsman left who remains loyal to Torsten, and only he can help free the Glass Kingdom from Redstar and his dark desires to revive the Buried Goddess.

Across the known world, Sora deals with the loss of her one and only friend. She seeks out a Mystic of the Panping; someone who can help her figure out what really happened to Whitney in a journey that illuminates her past and present. With the true nature of magic revealed to her, she finds that Whitney is lost in Elsewhere, the world between worlds, and she’ll stop at nothing to bring him back.

As magic and war collide in Will of Fire, the third installment in the Buried Goddess Saga, the fate of the entire world will change.

New Release Roundup, 19 January 2019: Fantasy and Adventure published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames