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havemybackanyday · 1 year

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I started thinking about Buck texting Bobby every time he woke up, and my hand slipped.

---

Bobby is just beginning to prep breakfast at the station when his phone pings.

7:26am hey everything ok

It doesn't click right away—Bobby’s first assumption being that Buck is missing the job, maybe feeling a little left out.

7:27am Yeah, everything’s fine here. Shift just started, you’re not missing much. Are you ok?

He watches as the three dots pop up and then disappear a couple times, and then puts his phone down to stir the eggs. He’s almost forgotten about it by the time the response comes in.

7:34am just checking

It’s then that the penny drops, and the realization breaks Bobby’s heart a little. He opens his camera and flips it around, taking a surreptitious selfie with A shift seated at the table in the background. Chim is gesturing animatedly, and Eddie is chuckling into a coffee mug while Hen rolls her eyes. In the foreground is half of Bobby’s own face, forgetting to smile as he concentrates on framing the shot.

He sends the picture off to Buck.

7:36am We’re all here, all safe. We miss you. thanks bobby. miss you guys too

The next one comes in the following morning, just as Bobby is pulling into his driveway.

7:31am hey Hey, kid. All good here. ok, great sorry thanks No need, Buck.

Bobby knows there’s something Buck isn’t telling him about the coma dream and his place in it. When Bobby had asked him about it at the hospital, he’d been cagey, and since Buck got home, Bobby feels like he’s being tracked—like if Buck doesn’t know where Bobby is at any given moment, Bobby might vanish into thin air… or Buck might.

Bobby can be an anchor. He’s had practice.

2:12pm all good? All good.

They fall into a routine, where Buck will text “hey” whenever he wakes up and Bobby will reply with a checkmark emoji. It’s soothing for Bobby, too—this way, he knows Buck is sleeping, and gets a rough idea of when and how much. There’s always a text in the morning, and more often than not, a message also comes through in the afternoon.

A couple days in, the afternoon text arrives while the 118 is on a call. Nothing serious, but several cars are involved, and Bobby is flitting around the scene, directing his people back and forth to where they’re needed. By the time he wraps up, Eddie is sitting half inside the truck and holding his phone, a concerned look on his face.

“Cap?”

Bobby pulls his own phone out of his turnouts.

3:42pm hey

3:48pm hey, bobby?

3:52pm i know it’s fine and i know you’re probably on a call but lmk if you’re ok when you can

3:54pm please sorry

Bobby takes a quick selfie with Eddie. Neither of them is smiling, but it’s not annoyance—it’s the same way they’d be looking at Buck if he were here, handling the call with them. No performing, just an ordinary moment in time.

He sends it over.

4:09pm Sorry to make you wait. We’re good.

He looks up from his phone, and Eddie is watching him with pinched eyebrows. Wordlessly, he flips his phone around to show Bobby his own string of texts from Buck. Bobby sees his own name in the thread several times.

“How’s he doing?” Bobby asks.

Eddie blows out a breath and settles his elbows on his knees. “He’s… working through some stuff,” Eddie says, looking back at the text thread. He’s silent for a long moment, and then huffs a rueful laugh. “He seems rattled, which is pretty understandable. But beyond that, I don’t think he knows what he needs yet.”

“Well, until he tells us differently, the best thing we can do for him is to be here, and be us.”

Eddie nods, and they both swing into the engine.

That night, the ping of Bobby’s phone wakes him from a deep sleep in the station house bunks.

2:20am hey you awake

Bobby rubs a hand across his face. I am now. You ok? sorry i woke you No, don’t be. I’d rather you reach out.

Buck doesn’t respond; the three dots don’t even appear.

2:22am Did something happen? You alright?

2:24am just a nightmare You want to tell me about it? nah maybe later glad you’re ok, get some sleep

Bobby locks his phone and stares at the ceiling in the dark. He isn’t sure how much time passes, but at some point he resigns himself to the fact that his swirling worries won’t resolve themselves into anything legible right now. He swings his legs out of bed and heads upstairs to the kitchen.

Five hours later, he pulls into a parking spot outside of Buck’s apartment complex, a pan of cinnamon rolls in the passenger seat.

“Hey, Bobby.” Buck looks tired when he swings open the door, circles under his eyes, smile a little faded.

“Hey, kid. Brought you something.” Bobby peels back a corner of the foil covering the cinnamon rolls, and watches as Buck’s eyes brighten.

He laughs and gestures to the piles of food on the kitchen island. “I don’t know if I’ve even got space for those, but I’ll move some of this out to the balcony if I have to.”

Bobby hands the pan over, and Buck lifts out a roll immediately, taking a huge bite that leaves icing on his lip. “Mmmmh. God. Thank you.”

He can’t help a smile at Buck’s enthusiasm. “Anytime.”

There’s a moment of quiet while Buck wedges the pan onto the overloaded island and finishes his roll. He’s licking his fingers and avoiding Bobby’s eyes when he says, “Sorry again for waking you up.”

“Buck.” Bobby waits for him to look up. “Don’t be. We’re all here for you—and not just because you got hurt. We’re here whenever you need us.”

Buck pauses, index finger still in his mouth. He pulls it out and says in a rush, as if racing his own hesitation: “You were dead. In my coma dream, you were dead. Because Hen and I never came to your apartment that day.”

“Okay,” Bobby says, nodding neutrally as the memories wash over him. The shame of waking in the shower. The helplessness of placing his pain in his coworkers’ hands. The rock-steady warmth of Buck and Hen on either side of him.

A vise tightens around his heart.

“Is that why you’ve been checking on me?”

Buck has the gall to sound ashamed of himself when he says, “Yeah.”

“Buck, you know—hey. Look at me, this is important.” Buck, who has shifted his gaze to someplace over Bobby’s right shoulder, drags his eyes back. “You know that my sobriety isn’t your responsibility, right?”

Buck nods. “I know, and I’m not trying to… fix things, or control things I can’t. I just…” He trails off, and his eyes are shining. “I don’t want to wake up again in a world that doesn’t have you in it. This version of you, I mean.”

“Oh, kid, c’mere.” Bobby steps forward and wraps Buck in a hug.

God damn anyone who ever told this kid that his heart was a problem.

When they finally let go of each other, Bobby holds on to Buck’s shoulders. Buck sniffs, and swats a tear off his cheek with the palm of his hand.

“You’ve been through a lot, and I know you’re still sorting it out. But I also know how stubborn you are when you’re chewing on a problem,” Bobby says, drawing a wet laugh out of Buck. “I know you’ll find your way through it. And we will all be here for you. Every step, however long it takes.”

Buck nods, and breaks into a hesitant smile.

“And in the meantime, let us spoil you a little.” Bobby gives Buck’s shoulder a light jab with his fist. “We don’t want to wake up in a world without you, either.”

#911 fox #911 spoilers #911 fic #my fic #we love captain dad in this house

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gurlwithluvx3 · 2 years

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birthday sex | jjk

Pairing: boyfriend!jk x fem. reader

Summary: wanting to spoil your boyfriend on his special day, you do the best you can to make sure that he enjoys it.

Word count: ~2K

Genre/Warnings: starts out fluffy and leads to explicit smut [oral (m. receiving), multiple positions, unprotected sex (please protect yourselves irl), choking]

A/N: i literally spent the last 3 hours making this birthday smut fanfic. happy birthday to the loml x3

Masterlist

—

you wake up before your alarm, as you stretch out your arm towards the nightstand, looking for your phone to check the time. it’s 6:20am. your body is used to waking up at this time on a typical work day, but today is different.

you set your phone back down as you try to get comfortable again, scooting your body to the other side of the bed until your body touches your boyfriend’s.

your boyfriend isn’t even fazed, and honestly you’re not surprised. he can sleep through anything, including the 4 times you press snooze during the work week.

you cuddle into his body, yearning for his warmth and close your eyes, in hopes to fall back asleep. but then your brain wakes you up and your eyes shoot open, suddenly remembering that today, in fact, is different.

you lean back on your side of the bed and do a quick stretch before getting up. you try to be as quiet as possible, even though you know that even if you drop all the pots and pans in the kitchen, your darling boyfriend would still be knocked out.

and so you take your time preparing for today. you’ve planned a couple of things for today and decided not to waste any time. as soon as you’ve gathered all the ingredients for breakfast, you hear something.

you quietly head back to the bedroom to find your boyfriend sprawled on the bed. his naked upper half exposed and you can’t help but take this sight in.

he looks so peaceful, so beautiful, so hot. you try to shake yourself off from more thoughts and basically force yourself to leave, but before you can fully step away you hear him mumbling. and so you pause and turn around.

he’s still sound asleep as he lightly snores, but you decided to wait off for breakfast, considering it’s still hella early. nothing you’ve taken out for breakfast will easily spoil, so you go back to bed.

as soon as your back hits the soft mattress, your boyfriend moves and for a quick second you think he might actually wake up. but he only switches positions in his sleep and begins his light snores once again.

you can’t say that you’re upset because you want him to get all the rest he can, as he deserves it. but you do admit that you are a little upset, only because you’re suddenly yearning for him.

you rest your chin on the palm of your hand as you watch your sleeping boyfriend. he’s laying on his back now, with one of his arms behind his head and his legs are spread out. your comforter is barely on him, meaning everything is out for you to enjoy.

the more you stare, the hornier you become and you’re doing your best to resist the urge to do anything. but then again, why fight the urge? he deserves it since today is different.

and slowly you remove the comforter so that it’s solely on your side and your boyfriend doesn’t move a muscle. you see that your boyfriend is exposed and completely naked and can’t help but drool.

you move yourself towards the foot of the bed while still facing your boyfriend and can’t help but admire all that he is, and all that he has.

you carefully place yourself in between his legs and sit yourself on your ankles, carefully mapping out what you want to do. but then you say fuck it and go straight for it.

you lean in so that you’re met with his soft dick knowing exactly what exactly will happen. you’re careful to grab it before licking the tip.

you look up to see that that didn’t even faze him and it stirs you up a little more. your other hand cups his balls as you begin to lick the tip a little more intensively. your boyfriend stirs in his sleep for a moment until you hear a little moan come from him.

and that means that what you’re doing is working. and so one hand cups his balls, you begin to pump his soften length while your mouth focuses solely on the bulb.

“mmm” you hear your boyfriend say from the top of the bed, as he’s careful to not hurt you as his legs move around the bed. your licks are now erratic and you feel his length begin to harden.

“baby?” he says confused. “what are you doing? what time is it?” he says, trying to stay as calm as possible, until you lower yourself more onto his growing length, and he moans once more.

“i’m spoiling you today” you say as you move away from his dick for a moment to talk. “happy birthday jeon jungkook” you say before you continue what you had initially started.

he lets out a loud and long sigh as you do your best to wake him up in the best way possible. and now that he’s hard enough, you’re bobbing your head to take in more of his length.

you’re so into giving your boyfriend the best birthday head he’ll ever receive that you don’t even notice his hands are now in your hair until you feel a slight pull.

“fuck baby” he says as you bob your head at a more consistent pace. you’re using your hands now to heighten the moment and then he’s pulling on your hair a little more aggressively. he sits up and taps your shoulder.

“i want you to ride me” he demands and all you can do is smirk. whatever birthday boy wants, is whatever birthday boy will get.

you take off the robe you put on the moment you got out of bed and jungkook rubs his eyes, almost as if he was in disbelief.

“is this new?” he says as he gently touches your new lingerie set. you nod as you move and step off the bed, to turn around and show off the new set you bought specifically for him.

“do you like it?” you ask him and he nods and licks his lower lip.

“i love it baby” he says as he pulls on one of the strings from this set.

but suddenly, you wiggle yourself out of it and set yourself on top of your boyfriend. and all your boyfriend does is place his hands behind his head, adjusting the pillows behind him. you lean forward as your lips crash with one another.

“happy birthday baby” you whisper and you feel his smile while you’re kissing him.

you slowly begin to move your hips as you straddle over your boyfriend, but not exactly where you want to be. you stop kissing him on his lips as your lips find purchase on his cheek, then to his jaw, to his neck, and down to his chest.

you then sit up and carefully adjust yourself so that his length is barely making contact with your folds. but you decide to tease him a little bit, so that his length is rubbing against your folds.

and even though you were meant to tease your boyfriend, you realize you’re only teasing yourself. you make eye contact with him and he’s biting his lower lip.

you lift yourself up a little so that you can grab his length and tease him a little more, making yourself moan in the process. he then places his hands on both sides and tries to push you down. you instantly look up and he’s only focused on where your two bodies become one.

you slowly lower yourself onto him, making both of you moan in sheer pleasure. you start the pace slowly and steady, wanting to feel all of him. but then you begin to lose your patience and start moving at a faster pace.

his hands move up your waist, when suddenly he grabs both of your hands and carefully places it on his chest, making you lean forward.

you know he likes it when your boobs are pressed together as close as possible, and so you lean in a little more, moaning at the new angle.

“fuck baby” he says as you continue to ride him. your pace is a little more relentless as you hear him grunting and moaning. and soon enough you’re bouncing a little more, making yourself feel him all the more.

but then suddenly you’re growing a little tired and you know that he can tell.

“lay on your back” he says as you’ve slowed down the pace and taps one of your legs.

you move to one side of the bed and he’s quick to get on his feet. he grabs you by your ankles so that your ass is hanging on the edge of the bed.

he lines his dick to your core, teasing your folds at first. but as soon as you lean on your elbows, he leans in and you feel him inside of you.

“fuck” you can’t help but moan as your head crashes onto the mattress. seeing you like this only stirs him all the more.

unlike you, who’s pace is slow and steady, your boyfriend’s pace is quick and rough. he first places his hands on one of your boobs, firmly squeezing it, but he immediately stops.

“i’m not gonna last” he says out of nowhere. but before you even say anything he places that same hand on your core.

he carefully finds your clit and begins to rub it with his thumb. you can’t help your moans at this point, almost reaching your own orgasm, when his pace quickens.

“choke me” you blurt out of nowhere. nothing makes you cum faster than when he’s rough with you. you slap his hand that’s on your core and replace it with your own as his hand makes its way to your throat.

he’s leaning more into you and you feel so much more of him inside of you. your own fingers are rubbing your clit at a relentless pace.

he’s careful when he chokes you, it’s rough enough to leave you a little breathless but also gentle enough to not hurt you.

“fuck baby” you say and seconds later you come undone. the feeling of your walls clenching around his dick makes him cum seconds after you and you both ride your highs together as his pace is slowing down.

he leans in to give you a kiss and you instinctively wrap your arms around his neck.

“happy birthday baby” you say as you give him another kiss. you feel his bunny-like smile against your lips before he steps away and heads to the bathroom.

You’re still laying on your back, trying to steady your breath when you realize what he’s about to do. he’s going to clean you both up.

you’re quick to get on your feet and try to run after him. you meet him in the bathroom as he tries to pee. you make your way around him to turn on the water in the shower.

“baby, hop in the shower when you’re done peeing. let me take care of you” you say as you check the temperature of the water. you look to make sure you both have towels.

you step out of the bathroom to grab a hair tie and once you’re back in the bathroom, your boyfriend’s barely done peeing. you bend over forwards to tie your hair up and jungkook immediately looks up at you. he can’t hide his smirk now.

you slap one of his butt cheeks as you pass him and step into the shower.

“damn i wish it was my birthday everyday” he says before following you into the shower.

#bts smut #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook fanfic #happy birthday jungkook #bts fanfic

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ultimateaclrecovery · 1 month

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Because making decisions is hard.

So I am looking to book flights to portugal. I’ll be doing a riding trip second half of the trip and just exploring portugal beforehand. My friend is joining for the riding and exploring Lisbon, but I’m going to go earlier and do Porto by myself. She is currently looking to arrive in Lisbon on the mid morning of November 6.

I am looking to leave on Nov 3 (flights cheaper on Sunday than earlier in the weekend) but I can’t decide if I want to fly into Lisbon or Porto.

I have three main flights that I am considering all for about the same price.

Leaving at 11am on Sunday, ~4:45 layover in Toronto, arrive Lisbon 9:20am on Monday.And then take a 3.5 hour bus to Porto.

Leave at 4 (or 6)pm, 4.5 hour layover in France (or two hours but maybe seems tight), land in Porto at 3:45pm on Monday

Leave at 4:30pm, have a 45min layover in Munich (!!!! Is this even possible? A terrible idea?) and then arrive at 12:50pm on Monday.

And then a fourth bonus, on a different airline than my friend would use (so different flight back), and less used by me so not as good for points or whatever.

Leave Saturday at 6pm and land in Lisbon at 3pm on Sunday. (With a 2.5 layover in London). For about 50 more.

I’d love to just land at 1pm in Porto on Monday but not sure if the extra two hours is worth the stress of the tight layover. I think I’d get to Porto sooner than almost 4 with landing in Lisbon and taking the bus, but again it’s a fair bit of hassle. Bus rides can be nice when you can look at the window and whatnot but I’ll also have to go back the same way so seems silly if I can just go to Porto directly for the same price. I’d love go a day or two earlier but the flights are either 200+ more expensive and or involve multiple stops.

And then for all of them I must decide whether to go with basic economy or pay the 200 extra for full economy. I don’t need a checked back there (could get one on the way back for 75 if I got too many souvenirs), could pay for seat selection if I really wanted to. But I’m nervous about the limited ability to change or modify the flight. The three United flight all let you do it for a few, but the fourth flight just says no changes 😬 but also 200 bucks.

So which flight?

#flights #just outsourcing decision making #plus polls are fun #who doesn’t like voting on things #just trying to optimize my life and vacation

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postsforposting · 8 months

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all the weird time in go s2, e1-3

I am working off a 2k display, so if someone else has a 4k and wants to take a look at these timestamps to get a better reading, or has better photo editing skills, have at it. Almost all the time the "hour" hand is at the wrong spot, ie at 650 it should be nearly on the 7, not directly on the 6. I will say when it's correct. Timestamps means "this is where in the show it happens", also shown with "t[number]".

Rewrote some of this after reading this post about the clock hands being backward: what ought to be the hour hand is the minute hand on the big clock next to Az's desk, and I grabbed some time pictures I missed. I'm putting this in chronological order within each episode rather than show order. I did try to include both ways to read the clock, reversed and "not reversed". I think using the short hand as mintues most of the time makes sense.

I will edit this as more stuff comes to light, ie we get more shots of time stuff or realize things.

Jim showing up seems to mess with time, even before the hiding miracle--though idk if the hiding miracle can reach back through time to change things? Delete the memory of him being there? That would be consistent with how "deleting time" works, ie jumping it forward.

Episode 1

1. Crowley meeting Shax in the alley at timestamp 19:27 in s2e1: an hour discrepancy between his phone and his watch. Watch has normal/correct hour hand placement. The watch says it's 11:35am and the phone 10:35, aka six hours prior to the scene where Az meets Jim. Crowley hasn't learned anything about Gabriel or the book of life at the time we see this discrepancy except that "something is up", and in all later scenes the hour hand of the clocks is incorrectly placed/time is "fake". This missing hour is something different than the rest of them? Crowley either doesn't notice the missing time, or he already knows what it is. He has an analogue watch, presumably he knows how to read time, and would know when his hour hand is not behaving correctly/doing fake things.

Was Gabriel doing something on earth for an hour? That the hiding miracle deleted from everyone's memories? That wouldn't desync the clocks though, and should not affect our heroes who can still recognize him. I did try to look at Gabriel's eyes in the elevator in e6, they did look purple still, so I think he didn't remove his memory until after he got to earth--but that doesn't make sense with how Saraqael says she "can't find his memory anywhere", implying he already took it out in the elevator. I do not think they waited an hour for him to "clear out his desk". I tried to run the symbols on the angel security cam footage through Google translate, but no dice.

2. Az gets Maggie's note about the rent, we see a tiny clock behind Az at timestamp 8:18. One hand is just before 12, the other seems to be on the 4? We can see where the 9 and the 8 are, so it looks like the other hand should be on the 4, not the 3. It's easier to see if you watch this in the show, you can see the clock face appear and it looks more clear if you watch from about 8:16-19. This clock says either just before 4pm or it's 11:20am, because that looks like the short hand near the 12. I don't know if this clock should be read backwards like the big clock should. (Edit: this clock is the big one by his desk, we're seeing it through a gap in the bookshelves, it's not sitting in the bookshelf.)

2.5. We can see Maggie's watch when he goes to forgive her rent, after getting her note. seems like it says 11:25-27, t1008. Crucially, this is supposedly less than 21min before Jim shows up.

3. t1441, Jim knocks. When Az gets up to answer, we see this on the clock next to his desk, behind him, it's definitely 4:20 no matter what weirdness the hands are doing. It is now 5 hours later???

4. Time seems to stand still while Az talks to Jim for the first time, as the clock never moves from 4:25 (520 not reversed), but the long hand ought to be further along if that's the real time. Time is not stopped as you can see people moving outside the window. t16:32-19:26,

and picking up again timestamp 20:18 after he gets the box, it is 4:30 (620 not reversed),

Crowley says he'll see Az in two minutes, and then Nina starts to close down because it's nearly 5:00 (7pm not reversed), which makes sense.

5. t26:51, meeting Jim with the feather duster. The hands are either both on the 5 or one's on the 4 and one on the 5. It was already 430pm, so surely it's not 425 again, it must be 525? Either it's been an hour when Crowley said "two minutes" or we've gone backward in time. As we see in the apology and miracle scene though, clocks get weird around jim, so we very well could have gone back in time. They have a fight and Crowley does his lightning, etc.

6. stolen from the "hands on the clock are reversed" post, timestamp 38:47, time is 2102 aka 9:02. this is when crowley releases nina and maggie from being locked in the cafe.

7. the apology scene. If we say Nina closes at 5pm(maybe 7?)....time is just fucky in this scene, idk man. Time seems to run fine, around 9pm, except when Jim shows up. Did he do something to himself before he went to earth? But if so, he would have screwed up time when first talking to Az too. When did he alter himself, though, if Saraqael couldn't find his memory? Did whatever or whoever was involved in the Big Miracle also reach back through time to change things?

If changing your identity means you never existed, maybe did Gabriel invent time, hence him removing his memory....removed him from reality, so now time is fucky? What would be the point of going through all this though just for that though???? Did the damn fly have miracle powers and perform a miracle at some point??? If so then why didn't it register as his memory when Saraqael was looking? If he could hide simply by being on earth, there would be no point to putting himself in the fly.

Episode 2

1. It appears to be 10:40am in the scene where Jim is singing, where Az gets the Clue right before the angels show up in e2 at timestamp 6:05. It seems that the hour hand is correct, between the 10 and 11? IF we don't read it backward, then the hands are not correctly positioned and it's 652am.

However, the clock when the angels are in the shop appears to say something in the realm of 845 or 945? t1348

But while we're talking to the angels, we see the clock again at a very different time, what appears to be 954am, t1422.

But at t1516, it looks like a different time? Short hand on the 8, long on the 10, so 10:40 again (or 750am, not reversed).

There does not seem to be a hand directly on either the 55 or the 9, they seem closer to the 8 and the 50. I don't know if there's even a hand anywhere but the 8/9 though.

2. The angels leave, Az and Crowley go to the pub, then go back to talk to Jim. Time stays at 4:29, t2058; (620 not reversed, but the hands would be in a really bad placement).

After the Job flashback at t4016, the clock now says 630 regardless of weirdness.

It looks like there are two short hands, no long one? Why?? Timestamp 4016. The double hands stay in every shot, pretty obviously, until we leave the scene. Crowley also leaves, and either it's only been ten minutes or it's been two hours and ten. If it's only been ten minutes, that's not something he usually does. Az goes to get Crowley to ask for the car, and his watch says....

Definitely not 630. This is at timestamp 4324. No clue if his watch should be read backward, but in the first episode it was read normally and its hands were correctly positioned.

Episode 3

1. Timestamp 2:30, Muriel shows up. Clock seems to say 10:50, regardless of weirdness. I think this is directly after the previous scene of asking Crowley for the car. It should not be four hours later.

2. Whlie Az is out Cluing, in the bookshop the time says 3:30 at timestamp 1638, and it appears that the long hand is in the correct position between the 3 and 4. It's 617 if we don't reverse it, and the hands would be in the wrong position.

When Az uses the guy's phone in the graveyard at t3451, it says 1750 aka 550. Obviously something is wrong because it can't be way later in the bookshop than it is where Az is. There are not multiple timezones between London and Scotland. This is confirmed at t3511, where we see Crowley answer the phone in the shop, and the clock says 525. It's blurry here but at t3624 we see a moving shot of the clock behind Crowley's head, and it does say 525 clearly (regardless of weirdness). There's another shot of the graveyard phone at t3639 but I can't read the time off it.

It cannot be 525 in the shop and 550 on a phone. That's half an hour of time missing. Notably here, Nina's shop is still open, so either her closing times are not consistent or there was a whole lot more time missing in ep1 to make it later than the clock said it was.

#good omens #clocks

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pens-and-gems · 5 months

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The Wish Chapter 1 Preview

Hey everyone, this post is a preview to my upcoming story titled The Wish. Kinda inspired by my own life, it's about a high schooler, stressed out with her family and school both, wishes that she never existed. Unfortuntately, the wish comes true and now, she must not only get her life back, but also learn to appreciate the small stuff.

Anyways, here's a preview for Chapter !~ Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Scheduling

Thursday, 7:00AM:

7:20AM-Have Breakfast with Family

7:30AM-Board School Bus

7:50AM-Chew Mint-Flavored Sugar Free Gum to Prevent Bad Breath

7:55AM-Get to First Period, Start School

8:00AM-2:50PM-Start School

3:00PM-Fencing Practice

4:00PM-Board Bus to Take Me Home

4:30-6:30PM-Study for AP Chemistry Test

6:35PM-Dinner at the Pretensions'

7:00PM-Get Wilbur to Bed

7:30PM-8:30PM-Finish Book Report on Fahrenheit 451

8:35PM-Get Ready for Bed

8:45PM-Watch Netflix until 9

9:00PM-Bed time!

Extra Notes:

*Pre-Calculus Test Tomorrow

*Spanish 3 Honors Project Due Next Friday

*History Oral Report on WWII Next Monday.

*Fencing Tournament Saturday at 1PM-4PM

"There, my schedule for tomorrow is complete." I said in relief as I sat in my desk in my room on a Wednesday Night, waiting for the day to completely end, so I can finally start a new one. My school counselor suggested to me that I should start scheduling my tasks, so I can balance both my school and home life since I tend to be really busy with classes, fencing, and babysitting. Basically, the typical responsibilities almost every seventeen-year-old would have when they're almost done with high school.The truth is, I didn't always like doing these tasks. In fact, I only do them so I can prove myself to them. Them as in my folks; also known as my parents.

You see, my parents are very busy when it comes to their jobs. My mother, Barbara works late as a nurse while my father, Jonathan is a graveyard worker at the hotel downtown. So my siblings and I don't tend to see them often; especially my younger ones: Harold, Bethany or "Betty" as she preferred, and Wilbur. Futhermore, my two older siblings, Wendy and Steven, who are college students, are usually the ones in charge; despite their busy hours of studying. I guess they got use to it so much that they even began to act like Mom and Dad themselves. My oldest sister, Wendy at twenty-three last week had me clean the kitchen from head to toe and whenever I missed a pot or did something wrong, she would snap at me and tell me to do it again. In fact, she would complain about how "that's not how Mom would want it done!" I can still hear her obnoxious shriek in my ears.

Just as I was about to shut off the light and hit the hay, a knock was heard. I groaned to myself and told them to come in.

"Hello baby sister," Wendy greeted me in the most fake loving tone ever.

"Even the deadliest of all killers could fake that." She ignored my sarcasm.

"I know you don't like being bothered, especially this late at night," she continuned.

"It's only two hours and fifty three minutes until midnight, but talk." Wendy rolled her eyes at my deadpan remark. "Anyways, there's been a state of emergency at the hospital tonight. Mom's gonna be busy for the next two nights, and Dad's most likely gonna sleep in. So be prepared, sis. You might have to set up to watch the little ones longer than expected."

"WHAT?!" I began to freak out and flip through my agenda. "But that totally messes up my schedule!" I tried to show her.

UPDATE: 1/11/24

Fixed and edited some mistakes that a friend from Discord helped me out with.

#the wish #original #original writing #loveprincessgem #wattpad #general fiction #deviantart #muggle-gem-princess #muggle-born-princess #writing #story #novel #preview #sneak preview

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feuqueerfire · 1 month

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GMMTV 2024 Part 2 Showcase

GMMTV 2024 Part 1 Reaction

April 23, 2024

When I watched Part 1 I was barely into series and watched certain trailers that I thought might be interesting but this time I'm planning on watching it live and am so into watching shows again.

The actors I'm actively following right now are Fourth and Gemini, along with some Phuwin (and by extension PondPhuwin) but none of them are getting ship work. So I'm mostly just gonna be there for the stories and concepts we get (though I'm curious about the GemPrim series and what Fourth is gonna be in). I hope I'm really excited by some concept (like The Warp Effect) or a cast/ship (like a surprise one).

Anticipation Ranking:

My Top 3:

The Heart Killers (BL) [omg KhaoFirst (and Joongdunk) in a show directed by Jojo where they commit crimes and possibly are there for nefarious reasons etc]

The Ex-Morning (BL) [KristSingto + exes-to-lovers ahhhhh]

US (GL) [it seems so moody and angsty and I love Emi's face]

Okay I lied it's Top 4:

Thame-Po (BL) [love a celebrity/idol romance and the trailer is so good and also I'm suddenly invested in William/Est]

Interested, will watch if it turns out well:

Hide & Sis (ensemble, women-focus, by Snap25, dark)

Revamp (BL) [hope they do the supernatural aspect well]

The Dark Dice (ensemble) [Alice in Wonderland vibes, hope it's done well]

Only if they get glowing reviews:

Ossan's Love TH (BL)

Friendshit Forever (messy - 2 pairs)

Break-Up Service

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist (BL)

Not Really Interested:

Leap Day

Perfect 10 Liners (BL)

Scarlet Heart TH

Trailer-by-trailer thoughts below the cut.

Ended up waking up at 5:30am while the live started at 6:20am and the first trailer released at 6:35am lol

It’s fine tho bc my semester is over, i was afraid it’d happen before im done my exam or worse, on exam day.

Oh, Yfind project which looks for plots for novels and series? and some fandom name in Thailand?

Title: Ossan’s Life trailer

Pair: Earth/Mix

Did I know about this? Yes

Thoughts: omg? I didn’t realize Earth is the one who’s being pursued by Mix and the boss character, I thought it’d be Mix! this is fun. oh, putting on someone’s shoe scene. I finally know what the show is about because of The Conversation Podcast’s episode on it yesterday and this seems in line with the Japanese version. Very comedic, so we’ll see how it goes.

Title: Leap Day

Pair: Dew/Pahn, Pond & Gun

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: Could be interesting but I’m not super into it yet because it doesn’t seem super developed yet beyond the concept of “people around them die.”

Title: The Heart Killers

Pair: Khao/First, Joong/Dunk

Did I know about this? Yes, specifically some sort of KhaoFirst series directed by Joni

Thoughts: I’M SO EXCITED! I was watching the whole trailer while intrigued and giggling. It’s definitely something I want from KhaoFirst, something a little risqué and has some actual plot while it’s different from anything JoongDunk have done so far, so i’d be curious to see how it goes. I hope the actual plot ends up good ahh. I’ll try not to get too attached to the mock trailer bc things will probably be different but I really like it. The song was covered in My School President but the vibe is different here.

After Rewatch: I definitely understood more after the rewatch because on my first watch I was so excited that I definitely missed some scenes and dialogue there loll I'm soooo excited for criminal killer brothers Khao and Joong, tattooist First who is trying to get dirt on them to clear his own car debt record, and Dunk who has been unleashed upon Joong to distract him from KhaoFirst in exchange for a car. KhaoFirst were my pull when I first watched it and they still are because I fucking love to see them on screen but I definitely got the JoongDunk thing more in this watch. Love to see Dunk be wild (kissing Joong when he's threatening him etc) and bold and actually take action this time while Joong is the one who is evasive, a different dynamic than their usuals. I... will try to enjoy this one regardless of plot to be honest lol because people were like meh on the Only Friends storyline. I think it'll help knowing that it's a Romcom with a side of drama rather than an assassin/crime plot with side of romance. I'm also not looking forward to KhaoFirst and JoongDunk's fandoms possibly fighting based on like screentime/acting prowess/"better treatment" and favouritsm/etc. but hopefully it'll turn out okay. I actually don't mind that KhaoFirst got a 2-pair main lead instead of a solo pair show because the pairs seem very connected with each other. Seems like it's inspired by Taming of the Shrew and 10 Things I Hate About You rather than a novel. I wonder if I should watch 10TIHAY just to see what references and such they put in.

A few hours later and I just watched 10 Things I Hate About You lol I get the "date my older brother so that we can date" thing now. I suppose Dunk's character is the "wild" character who can handle his brother Joong's character.

Title: Friendshit Forever

Pair: messy

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: Mook and Pat and New and Boun. It Could be good but idk if i’ll watch it. Pat playing a character who is a shitty friend, a la PSIHY. Title reminds me of Dead Friend Forever. I will say the best part of the trailer was the first few seconds when I was wondering if we’d get a Pat/Mook GL.

Title: Perfect 10 Liners

Pair: Force/Book, Perth/Chimon, girl too many

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: It could be good but I don’t care about any of the actors or pairings in this. PerthChimon were the most intriguing in this though, I liked the parallel on”Are you dating anyone?” Directed by New Siwat, yeah dunno about this one tbh. bruh so many people on stage, were they all actually there in the trailer? There are a bunch of side BL couples in addition to the main 3? crazy fr. and they couldn’t throw in a side GL either?

Apparently this is gonna be 30 eps with 10 eps each of ForceBook, MarkJunior, and PerthChimon... gonna take months and months to air fr, meaning stuff could have to wait while this show keeps airing... agh. or maybe this could prevent another rerun so who knows.

Title: Us

Pair: gorgeous girls who i don’t know the names of. Emi/Bonnie

Did I know about this? I knew about a possible Emi/Bonnie GL but I didn’t know who they were. hm Us, did we expect this novel as well, I vaguely remember having seen this novel rumored to be a series.

Thoughts: GL? These GLs being about your brother/sister’s girlfriends. omg she’s the one pairing the postcards? ahhh GL KISS IN TRAILER! Oh I’m excited and also love the short haired girl’s face sooooo much. Another melodramatic GL a la Pluto, I’m looking forward to it! Is this by the same author as GAP/Pluto/Blank? People always mention how problematic her novels are and somebody mentioned they don’t like the source material for this show either but I love a little problematic romance, so we shall see. Fon is the director.

After Rewatch: Went to MDL to double-check that the girl with cropped hair is Emi (she is! beautiful!) and the rights to this were brought like 2 years ago or what? Over a year ago at least since the comments have been waiting for announcement since then. Dang the acquirement rumour was on r/GMMTV back in February last year, so I probably saw it back then. The plot is quite straightforward, seems like it's focused way more on interpersonal relationships. Love the moody, indie nature of the angsty scenes but then they're so charming and bright when they're like happy and together! Also very happy to see like passionate kissing and romantic physical affection between the women even in the trailer, I'm hoping they have great romantic chemistry in the show. Doubt we'll get this one before 2025 though since it's directed by P'Fon and she's directing High School Frenemy right now and also has Scarlet Heart TH to do. I doubt GMMTV would air 3 GLs in a year already lol, so I'm hoping at least Pluto comes out this year and US is one of the first things out last year at the latest.

Title: Hide & Sis

Pair: ensemble and messy, focused on sisters

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: PSIHY flashbacks. Snap25 is in charge of this, which makes sense. Very vibey, eerie, hope it’s good. Focus on morally corrupt women and sisters yay. Pepper/Lookjun are dating IRL right? hehe cute

Title: Thame Po | Heart That Skips A Beat

Pair: Est/William

Did I know about this? That there is expected to be an EstWilliam

Thoughts: Oh, a BL? So many GMMTV people who I don’t know these days. Another idol BL similar to Only Boo but more mature ig? Is this EstWilliam? I’ve seen so many people excited for their BL but idk their faces lol. It’s a Parbdee project? Exciting. I like the vibes of it. I hope they do the celebrity/commoner aspect well, I like an idol romance in theory (and in fic lol) but I don't think I've yet watched one that I've enjoyed.

After Rewatch: I randomly started seeing Est and William posts start popping up on r/GMMTV a few weeks ago and then this master thread was created for it as well. I didn't know who they were (apparently a LYKN boy and a new GMMTV actor with side roles in the past) so I was just mildly curious but it's fun that this came true. When the trailer first started, I didn't know this guy was Est, so I was like oh nooo I don't wanna watch a show about not being able to find jobs and being a loser or something lol but seems like he finds his gig early enough into the show. The trailer is even better on the 2nd watch when I know what's going on lol. The background music really suits it, it stood out to be during the first watch as well. The trailer is 4 minutes and seems fairly fleshed out, I wonder... if we can hope that it's one of the first ones to film from the 2nd half? It's done by Parbdee who have a few projects this year but the director is Mui Aticha who doesn't have anything else lined up for the year since Beauty Newbie? So maybe she can work on this soon? Crazy resume though, The Gifted, F4, Girl From Nowhere, etc. I wonder how she'll do with this one though since it's a more grounded romance like Beauty Newbie (which didn't receive good feedback rip).

Thame is William and Po is Est and from the characters + how people referred to them during the conference after the trailer, seems like they're going for WilliamEst? Interesting because everybody on the subreddit was just reading calling them EstWilliam lol I enjoy them switching it up a bit to play with expectations and cast based on the characters rather than which order people think the people themselves should be. WilliamEstWilliam would've been fun too. The next day and Est has posted pictures with #WilliamEst. Funny to have William-Williamer-Williamest.

I hope the mood and vibe of it being calmer and romantic and the drama from the celebrity idol life remains true, I don't want it to become more light-hearted and comedic, nor do I want it to become Extra Angsty or anything.

Also, it's such a fascinating yet baffling choice to me to have LYKN star as Mars. You're going to have your own boy group act as the group that's getting broken up by their company and who some company exec calls "losers" except the one guy who's gonna debut in Korea? And also, it's gonna show how not being able to date or come out sucks but it's not like GMMTV is gonna change that for LYKN like group, only for Mars the fictional band in the show lol. and fans wouldn't like it if William has a partner other than Est either. hilarious idk

Side note but every time I think of the title Thame-Po, I think of the song Thaam Lo even though the pronunciation isn't the same.

WilliamEst ship: Okay it's the night of the 24th, so it's been like a day but I'm quite into the ship itself idkkk man, I get why people on the gmmtv sub were going crazy about them for the past month. The thing is they're like so shy on stage when talking about the show omg, I enjoy seeing a ship being shy and unsure when first introduced to the public and they haven't quite figured out how to work everything out yet, it's cute. I also have learned that William is a 05 liner while Est is 01 and I need them to have the same age gap in the show pleaseee, I love a younger pursuer character for real. I know Thame calls Po Phi in the trailer though, so we know William plays a younger character at least

Title: Break-Up Service

Pair: Off/Jorin

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: Fun concept, I’ll wait to hear if it’s good before I watch.

Title: Revamp: The Undead Story

Pair: Boun/Prem

Did I know about this? Yes

Thoughts: Ah, trailer for the BounPrem vampire story and it seems more serious and sinister than the campy nature of the other vampire BL: Golden Blood. Kinda reminds me of Midnight Museum actually. It looks good, I’ll probably give it a watch.

Title: Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist

Pair: Mark/Ohm

Did I know about this? Yes (Mark was hinting at it)

Thoughts: Two BLs back to back? Uni BL with dentistry student Mark based on Jittitain novel. It’s not super intriguing based on the more exciting stories but I need a good easy-watching, cute, uni BL once in a while in between he heavier hits. So this could be that. The trailer just seems long-winded

Title: The Dark Dice

Pair: Gemini/Prim

Did I know about this? Yes

Thoughts: Ohh kinda reminds me of The Gifted and the trailer for Enigma. A high school show about them trapped in some game. Wish there were more girls in the cast though. Less romantic than I thought. I hope it’s good and not like Homeschool which has a Very Good trailer but didn’t get good reviews.

Title: The Ex-Morning

Pair: Krist/Singto

Did I know about this? Yes, KS were shooting mock trailer with P’Lit

Thoughts: girl I was already like hehe KristSingto as expected BUT THEY ATE EXES!!!!! I love exes-to-lovers and it’s kinda funny since it parallels their ship work. huhhh wtf was that random ass car accident? hah I’m excited for this too. We knew the director is P’Lit who directed SOTUS.

After Rewatch: I thought it parallels KS's journey of Singto leaving GMMTV then him coming back and doing a BL with Krist again (kinda of exes-to-lovers if you squint) while the guy-fucks-up-and-is-crucified-on-the-internet could be parallel Krist's journey and turns out P'Aof wrote the script based on Krist Singto themselves, that's wild. The university days drinking pink milk really gives me a visceral reaction. I LOVE the look on Krist's face when he looks back at Singto in the towel and then quickly turns have his face like O.O it's very cute, I giggled the first time too. They seem to show stuff toward the end like with Krist winning the award again and Singto deciding to leave and also this random ass accident (seems like people are trying to kill Krist? What with the random motorcycle guy as well). I don't tend to like too much info in a trailer (over 4 minutes?!) but maybe if it means that we'll get it as one of the earlier part 2 shows because the script is written, I'll take it. I don't know if that's the case though because Aof is overseeing/scriptwriting and he's a busy man (though Director Lit doesn't have other shows I don't think)

Title: Scarlet Heart Thailand

Pair: Tu and ?Win?

Did I know about this? no

Thoughts: Not really a trailer, as they sometimes arent with these remakes. Scot’s are all pretty big hitters, especially Tu and Win, along with some people I’m looking forward to like Fourth, Phuwin, Tay, Nanon. Directed by Fon. I don’t know what this show is about at all though.

Expectations: based on rumours I've seen mostly

GemPrim: Yes

KhaoFirst: Yes

MarkOhm: Yes

EstWilliam: Yes

KristSingto: Yes

a GL: Yes

BounPrem and Wabi Sabi updates: Yes

I'm hoping for a large ensemble cast show centering women (PSIHY and Ploy’s Yearbook to a lesser extent, both by Snap25) or some mystery/sff (Homeschool, Gifted): Yes

My expectations were basic and based on some very well-believed rumours, so I'm not surprised they're correct.

Actor Attendance

Observations:

Interesting to go from watching The Warp Effect where I knew pretty much everybody to these trailers where there are so many people whom I don’t know, including main actors for BLs and GLs (Est/William, Emi/Bonnie). Good chance to get to know them if the shows turn out well though!

On that note, it's always interesting when they choose completely new ships to be the main couple of a show, again like Us and Thame-Po. This also means a lot of the familiar main or side BL couples are in ensemble shows like Perfect 10 Liners (there were so many people in that, I couldn't even keep track of them all).

High School: 1

University: 2

Non-School: 10 (or 11 with Ossan's Love)

Very few school shows comparatively, just 3/13, less than a quarter. That's exciting, I'm especially glad that being out of school doesn't just mean office worker shows lol

The puns never end: Friendshit, Revamped, Hide & Sis, Thame-Po (Tempo - 50% pun), The Ex-Morning. Hilarious that there are more shows with puns in their names than school shows.

Overall:

More shows grabbed my interest in this round I think. It seems like a more somber/serious set of trailers than part 1, which is cool.

Also, most of the trailers seem well-made, not necessarily in terms of story because they don't have full plots and stories yet, but in terms of production/quality.

I just hope the scriptwriting for these shows are strong, especially because they're dealing with interesting concepts like idol romance and exes-to-lovers. The concepts are soooo good but bad screenwriting or a story that doesn't deal with the interesting aspects can make the show fall flat.

I'm also glad that there is a mix of old ships, new ships, and totally new faces for these BLs and GL Like we have shows with established main pairs like KhaoFirst-Joongdunk and Forcebook-PerthChimon in ensemble shows, we have interesting situations like KristSingto which is a returning main couple and BounPrem which is an old series but revamped ;) for their GMMTV debut, but then we have a ship like MarkOhm where Mark has been in multiple shows and ships but he's leading in a series with somebody completely different. Then we have Emi-Bonnie and WilliamEst who are new faces as GMMTV leads and their ships are completely brand new.

In Part 1, it was similar in that we had stuff like main roles for existing ships with OffGun - The Trainee and GeminiFourth - My Love Mix-Up, ensemble with existing ships (We Are - PondPhuwin etc), had existing actors in new ships like OhmLeng in Kidnap or JossGawin in My Golden Blood, we had new ships like GreatInn in Wandee Goodday,

All in all, a good part 2, I'm glad I watched it live, it was exciting and I'm looking forward to these shows (though I'm not holding my breath though lol because part 1 shows still gotta be released). I really like these showcases and I'm kinda glad that now it's split into 2 because I get a new one every 6-7 months instead of once a year haha

Actually no my main gripe: Where are all the women? Us, Hide & Sis, and Friendshit Forever seem to be the only shows that focus on more than one woman and the BLs basically have no women, or possibly 1 female side character. Why can't they have side GL pairings or multiple women in the same show, truly what the heck? I hope that more women are cast in the shows as they start writing scripts and such, like a side GL in Us or a side GL in Perfect 10 Liners among all the BL pairs.

#gmmtv 2024 #general bl #tracking #to watch

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torillatavataan · 2 years

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Read full article by Yle

On the day the conflict started Finland had approximately 300,000 men under arms to defend the whole of the country. It was woefully short of supplies, with only enough cartridges, shells, and fuel to last about two months.

Finland had a mere 32 tanks, only 10 of which were fit for combat when the war started, and 114 mostly obsolescent combat aircraft that could enter the fight. The Soviets had secretly built roads leading to the border, allowing them to deploy their 2,514 tanks and 718 armoured cars. Even so, what Soviet military planners thought would be a swift advance on the first day made little headway in the face of fierce resistance at the border.

The main Soviet attack began at 6:50am on 30 November with an artillery barrage on the Karelian Isthmus, followed by an all-out attack by land, sea and air.

Soviet bombers carried out the first attack on targets in Helsinki. At 9:20am, five minutes after the first air raid sirens where heard in the Finnish capital, a formation of three Soviet SB-2 bombers appeared over Helsinki headed for an attack on Malmi airfield on the city's outskirts. The first bombs fell near an elementary school. Because of cloudy conditions, the planes failed to find their target, instead unloading their bombs in residential parts.

A third wave hit the city between 3pm and 4:20pm. A second wave of 12 bombers came at 10:35am. Along with renewed bomber attacks the next day, these were the most devastating, in terms of life lost, of the entire Winter War. Altogether, 91 people were killed and 36 seriously wounded.

In a 1930's case of "fake news", Soviet state radio claimed Finnish reports of the air raids were false and that the Soviet Air Force had merely been dropping bread to the starving masses of Helsinki.

The Winter War did not take place in a political and military vacuum, but rather was linked to Soviet expansionism and power plays for dominance in central Europe.

In the late 1930's Soviet leaders launched a policy aimed at regaining parts of the Russian Empire lost after the October Revolution. Finland was also seen as a threat. Moscow was worried that Finnish territory could be used to invade the USSR or to block sea routes in the eastern Baltic. Leningrad (present-day St. Petersburg), only 32 km from the Finnish border, was considered particularly exposed.

In August of 1939, the Soviet Union signed a non-aggression treaty with Nazi Germany, known as the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. It included a secret protocol in which Eastern European countries were divided into spheres of influence. Finland fell into the Soviet sphere, in effect guaranteeing the USSR a free hand to take military action.

In early October, Moscow demanded that the border with Finland on the Karelian Isthmus be moved westward and Finnish fortifications on the isthmus be destroyed. Demands were also made for some Finnish islands in the Gulf of Finland, territory on the Barents Sea, and a 30-year lease of the southernmost Hanko Peninsula, around 120 km west of Helsinki, for use as a military base. In exchange, the Soviet Union offered Finland areas in Eastern Karelia.

The Finnish government rejected Soviet demands and made a counter-offer that did not satisfy Moscow.

Joseph Stalin and his generals expected Finnish defences to be overwhelmed and for Finland to capitulate within a matter of weeks. Instead, for close to four months, the Soviet Union had to commit over three-quarters of a million men and vast amounts of its superior armour and air power to battle before the Finnish nation was too exhausted to fight on.

A peace treaty was signed on 12 March, 1940. Finland lost 11 percent of its territory and 30 percent of its pre-war economic assets. The USSR got a 30-year lease to use the Hanko peninsula as a military base, but Finland retained its independence.

Over 420,000 Karelians, 12 percent of the nation's population, were evacuated from the ceded territories.

By late June 1941, Finland was again at war with the Soviet Union, this time as a co-belligerent of Germany. After more than three years of fighting, Finland sued for peace in late August 1944. Under the terms of an armistice signed in Moscow, Finland was obligated to drive out the more than 200,000 German soldiers.

Read full article by Yle

#suomi #finland #winter war #russia is a terrorist state #(today and 83 years ago)#*#sota #historia

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just-an-english-guy · 1 year

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Top Surgery/ Recovery Experience

I’m currently 3 days post-op from having peri with Mr Kneeshaw and his team in Hull so I thought I would write about my experience. This is everything that happened across the last 4 days from travelling up to Hull to surgery and my stay in the hospital to the journey back home. Apologies for weird layout, I’m on mobile.

I was scheduled for surgery on the 8th of March at 7:30am so my partner and I travelled up the day before by train and stayed in the Ibis near the station. We arrived at about 9:30pm as we left Cardiff at about 4pm due to me only being able to get a partial day of work. The train journey up wasn’t too bad, we had reserved seats that were close to each other (not always next to each other due to how busy it was but that was ok). We made sure to pack everything into one suitcase, one backpack and one small gym bag that was used as my overnight bag while in the hospital so that my partner could carry everything back on his own after surgery. As I wasn’t allowed to eat anything past midnight we stayed up pretty late to eat before going to bed. I was also rather anxious too so I wouldn’t have been able to sleep right away. Ive never had any kind of surgery before so I was worrying about what could happen and what it would feel like for a few days before which lead to several nights of not sleeping well.

On Wednesday we woke up at 6am, I had my final shower for a few weeks which I did take my time with and savour. It's only been 3 days so far and I already feel disgusting even though my partner has been helping me wash with baby wipes every morning since getting out of the hospital. Since my overnight bag had already been packed I didn’t need to do much in the morning except make sure my phone charger was added to it. In the end, I only ended up taking my dressing gown, slippers, a pair of joggers and a button shirt to wear as pyjamas and my phone charger. We left the hotel a little later than we had planned so we had to run to the bus station so that we would get the bus in time.

Hull does have a lot of buses that go to the hospital which is very good. We got on the 105 at 6:40 and we ended up getting to Entrance 2 of the hospital at about 7:10. We had to ask where ward 16 was at the main reception as the signs didn’t really make it clear but it wasn’t far and we arrived at the ward at about 7:20am.

Once we arrived they showed us to my room. They are all privet rooms with their own bathrooms which is very nice. While we waited for Mr Kneeshaw and his people to come to see us several nurses came around with things for me. They gave me a gown and a pair of compression stockings, and then someone came over with the evening meal menu for me to select what I wanted to eat in the evening. The food options were more extensive than I was expecting which was nice. Mr Kneeshaw came round shortly after to talk me through the procedure and to draw on me. We agreed on my nipples being in a slightly lower position than the average cis guy's nipples as my nipples sat kinda low anyway. I knew this would be happening when we discussed it in my initial consult back in August 2021 and I'm happy with it since it's not a big deal for them to be slightly lower than average to me. I then got changed into the gown and stockings and a nurse collected me from my room at 9am. They let me keep my own underwear on with the gown which I was thankful for. My partner left the hospital when I was taken down to the theatre as he wasn’t allowed to stay while I was in surgery. He got the bus from the hospital back to the hotel and waited for me to let him know I was awake.

When they took me down I had to sit in a little waiting area for a few minutes while they got my paperwork. After confirming my name, date of birth and allergies for the 10th time that morning they took me into the operating room. It was very cold there. I was in a thick fluffy dressing gown and I was still starting to shiver. They got me to lie on the table and gave me a warm blanket so that I wasn’t as cold. The people were all lovely and chatted with me as they got me prepped for surgery. They put a sticker on my glasses so that they knew they were mine before taking them off me. The anesthesiologist put the cannula into my hand which didn’t hurt that much but still wasn’t pleasant and then they gave me the oxygen mask and told me to take some deep breaths. Apparently, the anaesthetic was a multiple-part thing but I only saw the first part get put in as I was unconscious before the guy could even finish his sentence about what he was doing.

I woke up in recovery at 12:30 roughly, there was a clock on the wall in front of me so that was the first thing I saw. People are right when they say it doesn’t feel like any time had passed. It felt like I had blinked and, at that moment, had gone from the operating table to a bed in recovery. It was a little disorientating but since it had already been explained to me that’s what it would be like it didn’t take long for my brain to catch up. When I woke up I wasn’t in pain at all and I didn’t feel sick either, something they told me would likely be a possibility. I just felt a little sleepy. They took me back up to my room not long after I woke up and gave me my phone as I had left it on the bedside table. I text my partner to tell him I was awake and that he could come and see me now. Because of how far away we were staying and the bus times (it takes 40 minutes roughly for the bus to get from the bus/train station to the hospital) it took him about an hour and 15 minutes to actually arrive but that was ok because I knew he would be on his way so wasn’t worried. After texting him I called the nurse to help me get up to use the bathroom. As it was my first time standing after surgery she helped me get up off the bed and into the bathroom. I felt a little weird about having her there while I used the bathroom so I told her I would be fine on my own and she agreed to wait outside to help me back into bed after. It was difficult at first trying to sit down on the toilet since my legs felt really weak and I couldn’t put any pressure on my arms either to help lower myself. I got there eventually though and it was easier to get up after than it was to sit down. The nurse helped me back into bed and I slept for the remainder of the time before my partner arrived. About 5 minutes before he turned up a nurse came in to check my blood pressure, temperature and pulse rate so I was awake when he got there. Oh, I should mention that when I got up to use the bathroom they gave me two fabric bags to put the drains in and hang around my neck. These make walking around a lot easier.

Mr Kneeshaw and his team came to see me at about 4pm. He very briefly undid the post-op binder to check my chest was ok and he even quickly took a picture for me. I asked since I couldn’t get the angle myself to do it. After that, he put the binder back on tight and told me I couldn’t take it off at all now until my drains came out the next Friday. He said that everything went well with the surgery and looks good so left me to rest for the evening. Roughly every 2-3 hours someone would come in to check my blood pressure, pulse rate and temperature, this continued all the way through the night altho I didn’t mind too much as they were always polite about needing to wake me up.

After Kneeshaw had left, now that the binder was on slightly tighter than it previously had been I felt a little bit of pain down the centre of my chest. The nurses gave me paracetamol but told me I could have tramadol too if the pain got any worse. Luckily it didn’t and the paracetamol was all I needed. My partner stayed until about 6pm and then left so that we could both get some sleep. I spent the rest of the night in and out of sleep with the nurses coming in every few hours. At one point in the night, at about 1am I thought I could feel liquid dripping down both my sides so I called for someone to check I hadn’t dislodged a drain. I couldn’t feel any pain though but at the time I thought that was because whatever pain medication they gave me in the operating room was still in my system. Two nurses came to check on my dressing and it turned out it was just sweat I could feel and my drains were perfectly fine. The room was incredibly hot in the hospital and the blankets they use are extremely good at keeping you warm. No matter what I did in the room I was still too hot so in the end, I had someone turn the fan on and then I used the blanket to cover me from the waist down only so that I could sleep without melting.

I was woken up again at 6am by someone who emptied my drains for me. He did show me how to do it but because I was still half asleep I wasn’t really paying attention. At roughly the same time another person wanted to check my blood pressure again and after they had both left I went back to sleep. I was woken up again at 7:30 by someone letting me know breakfast was on its way and asking what I wanted. I ended up having a bowl of Weetabix at about 8am with a glass of milk. After I had finished my breakfast I went back to sleep but that didn’t last long as at 8:45 roughly I was woken up again by another nurse wanting to change my bedsheets and give me a fresh gown. I got the option to stay in the bed while they changed sheets or sit in the chair, I opted for the chair as I could walk around a little anyway and staying in the bed just seemed like it would be weird and uncomfortable. The nurse helped me get my slippers on and get into the chair before she changed all the sheets for me. She also helped me into a clean gown which I am thankful for as moving my arms wasn’t very easy at the time. I slept again until Ralph, one of Mr Kneeshaw's team came in to check on me and see if I could be discharged. He said that everything looked good and I could go back to the hotel when I was ready.

Because of the way the hotel bookings worked we had to change hotels on Thursday as the Ibis didn’t have any space for us for Thursday night. The split booking was the cheapest way to do things and since travelling alone was costing a fortune we decided this was the best way to do things. Due to the difference in check out/ check in times my partner was set to come to the hospital with all our bags at about 12 and then we would be able to check in to the new hotel at 3pm. When I explained this to Ralph and the nurses they said It was perfectly fine to wait until the afternoon before leaving and I couldn’t leave without my partner coming to get me anyway.

My partner arrived shortly after 12. He helped me eat some lunch as I was still having trouble lifting my arms enough to reach my mouth with a fork and then he helped me wash with baby wipes and get changed into the joggers and shirt I had bought with me as pyjamas since I never ended up using them as such and just stayed in the gown while in the hospital. I asked for someone to come and show us how to empty & reseal the drains again as I was half asleep when they did it in the morning and my partner needed to know anyway. After we were shown that they handed me my discharge papers, an information leaflet about the drains, a sick note to give to my work and a feedback survey to fill out. I completed the survey while my partner made sure everything was packed up and then we left. We got a taxi down to the hotel as we both thought getting on the bus might have been too bumpy for me to handle at the time which im grateful for.

We checked into the Gilson Hotel, close to the train station when we got back to the city. I hadn’t really looked up the hotel before booking it as my only priority at the time was making sure It was close to the station and cheap. It had stairs leading from the entrance door to the reception, with no lift. While not ideal this wasn’t too much of a problem as I could walk up the stairs, I just had to do it slowly and one step at a time with a little pause in between each one. There was a lift from the reception to the other floors though which was good. We were on the 2nd floor but since there was a lift it wasn’t an issue. I didn’t know the layout or design of the hotel before I booked it and it turned out that there were two steps in order to get up to the hotel door from the hallway. Again not ideal but not a massive problem for me. This hotel definetly isn’t accessible though.

Sleeping in the hotel was a little difficult, the bed was low down which was great for getting up and down for me since I am rather short but it also had really thin pillows which made it difficult to prop myself up. We ended up using 3 pillows to create a slightly slanted back rest against the headboard, rolled up my jacket and put it under my left elbow to keep my arm propped up since that was the only comfortable position for it that didn’t hurt and I used only my dressing gown to cover me up since the hotel room was even hotter than the hospital room was.

After a somewhat uncomfortable night where I only slept for about 4-5 hours I woke up and my partner helped me empty my drains at roughly 8am. We were told to do them once every morning at roughly the same time and keep track of what comes out so we measure the ml of each one with a little jug and keep a note of it. We had breakfast and then discovered that the snow had caused mayhem with our travel plans.

We needed to be back in Cardiff by 5pm as we had a house viewing scheduled (I know, it’s a really awkward time to be doing this but our Landlord gave us notice to leave on the 28th Feb so time isn’t really something we have on our side for this situation. We did try arranging the viewing for before we left but unfortunately that just wasn’t possible). Anyway because of the time restraints and our tickets being valid only on off-peak trains we had planned to get the 10:23am train which would have gotten us back in Cardiff at 3pm. Unfortunately, this train was cancelled and the train before it wasn’t considered off-peak so we couldn’t get on that one. This meant that we had to get on the 11:26am train from Hull and that we had lost our reserved seats. This wasn’t ideal but it would still get us back just before the viewing so that’s what we did.

Since it was such a long trip the journey was split into three trains; Hull to Sheffield, Sheffield to Bristol Parkway and then finally Bristol to Cardiff Central. Hull to Sheffield was fine, we sat in priority seating since I struggled to walk long distances still at this point and definitely couldn’t stand up for long periods of time. The plan was to do this all the way back to Cardiff however unknown to us at the time a lot more trains had been cancelled which caused issues later down the line. Sheffield to Bristol was packed. I mean truly rammed. When we got on people were already standing in the walkways because there were no seats. Since I needed to sit down my partner had me get on the train first and basically b line for a carriage to find a seat. When I got on there were no seats at all. I tried asking several people who were sitting in the priority seats if they would mind giving up their seats for me and explained my condition and that my original train had been cancelled so I no longer had reserved seating. No one would allow me to sit. My partner was still out in the walkway by the doors with the bags since he couldn’t get through, not that there would be much point anyway. After asking a few more people if I could have their seat and being told no the train started to move so I gave up trying to find a seat and shuffled back to my partner. He wedged our suitcase between the wall and one of the internal carriage doors and had me sit/lean on that while keeping his arms around me to stop anyone from knocking into me while the train was moving. After about an hour a lady who was also in the doorway section with us spotted someone getting up from their seat in the other carriage to get off at the approaching stop and told us so that I could go and sit down. By the time I had gotten there though someone else had sat down in that seat and put headphones in. Luckily another lady offered me her seat when I explained that I had just had surgery and needed to sit down. I was very thankful to her and we chatted for a bit. The seat turned out not to be her reserved seat either so she warned me that someone might try to claim the seat later. When the train got to Birmingham a lot of people got off and I saw the display screens say there were two available (not reserved seats) opposite the aisle where I was so I decided to move into one of them so that there wouldn’t be a problem if the person who’s seat I was in did actually come to claim it. Since so many people got off my partner was able to make his way into the carriage now and I text him to let him know the seat next to me was available and asked him to bring some painkillers as I was in quite a lot of pain at this point. He came and sat down and gave me the tablets and then a lady came by claiming I was in her seat and that I had to move. I was a little out of it because of the pain I was in so all I managed to say was that I couldn’t move as I had surgery. The lady wasn’t happy with this and insisted it was her seat, even though there were many other empty seats in the carriage. My partner looked at the display unit and pointed out that it was still showing as not reserved and then when that didn’t seem to change the situation he lifted one of my drains out of the cloth bags the hospital had given me and showed it to the lady saying again that I had just had surgery and there was no way he was moving me now. She went to sit in one of the other vacant seats after that. It was a pretty easy journey from then on. I was in a lot of pain though from when I had been standing up so I had more painkillers and then ended up sleeping for a good chunk of the journey. My partner woke me up a little before our stop in Bristol and then helped me off the train. Bristol to Cardiff was pretty uneventful, we sat in priority seats again and it only took about half an hour to get to Cardiff. We got an uber home from the station since we were both very tired after the day of travelling.

I have to keep the drains in until Friday next week when I go back to hull to have them taken out. The post op binder has to stay on for 6 weeks however after the drains come out I will be able to remove it for a few minuets every couple of days to wash, whereas right not I’m not allowed to remove it at all. I was told I could return to work after two weeks and could drive again after the 2-3 week mark if I felt like I could handle the seatbelt against my chest. I can also start exercising again lightly after 6 weeks.

Recovering is going to be a long process but I’m so glad this finally happened. I’ve been waiting over 4 years since I was first referred for top surgery and honestly it was worth it. I feel so happy that it’s finally here.

#ftm #transgender #transman #transguy #personal #top surgery #mr kneeshaw #top surgery results #top surgery recovery #my experiences #trans #trans man #gay ftm #ftm transgender #transmale #gender affirming surgery #chest surgery

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astral-athame · 5 months

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((Hi! Sorry about the absence, I'm trying to adjust to a new work schedule and I've been very tired.

Essentially, because I'm just subbing in at the school wherever they need me (and they haven't really needed teachers, unfortunately), I've basically been following a schedule of: Go in at 10:20am to help in the cafeteria until 1:15pm (technically work doesn't start until 10:45, but I get there early and eat lunch with the girls in the middle school ^^;). Come home for about an hour, then leave again to work custodial from 3-7 (or sometimes 8 or 9, though technically we could work until 11 if they asked and we wanted to). Mind you, there are no breaks with either job AND they're both very hectic, especially because the school is doing a TON of construction work, which means having to run back and forth from the middle school to the high school through the whole first shift trying to get dishes done and food taken back and blah blah blah. Then, for custodial, they pair my sister and I up to try to clean a whole section in the 4 or so hours we're there (which is usually in the elementary and includes: 15 or so classrooms (each with their own bathroom and a section that needs to be vacuumed as well as a section that needs to be swept/mopped), 3 bathrooms (not counting the ones in the classrooms- these are ones in the halls), 3 offices (one has two rooms, one has 4 rooms, and the other is the main office so it has- not counting the main entry way once you go in the door, the two short halls, the copier area, or the mail area because those aren't behind separate doors- 7 personal offices (each about the size of my bedroom) a kitchen area, and a bathroom), and the elementary gym and elementary cafeteria. Then you have to sweep the halls (there are 4 in the section we usually get), vacuum the 4 rugs by the doors to outside, and mop the edges of each of the halls. So... it's a lot to do in just 4 hours, even for 2 people, and there's essentially no down time, like I said, in EITHER of those jobs. So it's basically, aside from an hour or so in between from when we get home around 1:30 to when we have to leave around 2:30 (assuming we don't get home late from the first job, which we usually do) just... running from 10:45 in the morning to 7 or later at night. We also never finished unpacking because we've been sick off and on since November (more so sick than not tbh). I know plenty of ya'll have much more hectic schedules, I'm sure! So please don't think I'm trying to discount that! I just... am very much worn out while I'm trying to adjust to all of this. It's gonna take a bit. But at least they're paying us better here than at our last jobs, so that's good!

Anyway- just wanted to explain that things still aren't settled from when we moved in November, everything has been a big adjustment and we're still working through it all. Hopefully things will get a bit more settled soon and I can be back around slightly more steadily, at least, but I don't want to make any promises just yet for obvious reasons ^^; I'm just gonna do what I can when I can without overwhelming myself or making this feel like another job to tend to. I do very much miss writing, though...

I love ya'll and I hope you're doing alright <3 Take care and try to get rest when ya can! <3))

#ooc.#((Feel free to ignore I'm just RAMBLING.#But really- I didn't know all this was going to be so exhausting. And yet here we are ^^;))#((And technically I don't HAVE to come in for any of these jobs- that's the beauty of subbing.#But financially- I'm just taking whatever I'm offered because there may come a point #where I don't get as many hours and I gotta be prepared for that possibility ^^;))#((Got a 3 day weekend right now though!))#((Also also- I'm tired but I want you all to know that this isn't really meant to be complaining #the jobs are both actually pretty decent and the people are good! I like it a LOT more than retail!#It's just a lot to adjust to is all ^^;))

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remembertheplunge · 5 months

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Black Pears Journal

Monday 10/25/2004 Just past 6am. still dark.Black Pearls Journal

Quotes from the National Best Seller “Black Pearls."

ANGER; “ When you clench your fist, no one can put anything in your hand, nor can your hand pick up anything.' Alex Haley from “Roots”

On this day, I…..ponder existence,

Monday’s true spelling is anger. The heart stops at 9am. Denny and Margie here. Intense, Burt fun. They sleep.

Think I’ll take the afternoon off. Call in sick. Vacation.Day Off. Lu day. Day to detail. Note. Notice. Collect. Appreciate. feel. To be. Huge effort. To get. To here. Take the day off. Off. Off what? Off the hook? Off means “In”. In. Joy. Meant. I like goofing off more than Money. From Alan Watts book.

End of entry

Note:

I’d seen a little squib on CNN the day before I wrote the above entry. I believe that it said most heart attacks in the USA are at 9am Monday or on Saturday. It also said that 20% of US workers call in sick because they just don’t feel like working. I think it was 20%.

As you can see from above and from the photo of this page I will post after I post this entry, at 9:30am 10/25/2004, fellow attorney Gene Trimble called to tell me that Superior Court Judge Wray Ladine died of a heart attack in the court house earlier that morning!

When I interviewed for a DA job in Modesto in The Spring of 1984, Wray Ladine, then a Deputy District Attorney, was one of two Da’s to interview me. I had also applied to work at the Stanislaus County Public Defender’s office. The Da’s office didn’t hire me. But, thg Public Defender’s office did.

Wray Ladine died in the courtt house 10/25/2004. What I heard was, the weekend before his death, an ambulance had been called to judge Ladine’s house, but, he sent it away. He only had one case on in his Department, Department 8 that morning. He wasn’t supposed to be in that day,

At around 8:20am, before the case was called at 8:30am, he was sitting in a chair outside of his chamber’s by the bailiff’s desk. A Deputy District Attorney, and a Female probation officer were in the area.

They heard the judge’s pencil drop. They turned to watch him collapse to the floor, dead. The court house community was horrified. For me, Department 8 has never been the same.

So, kind of uncanny that I wrote about Monday morning heart attacks at 6am that morning.

At 5:03pm, I noted that the #2 story on KCRA 3 TV News out of Sacramento was about Judge Ladine “Died in his chambers” A judge from 2000-2004.

Margie and Denny were my partner Jim’s mother and older brother.

They lived in San Luis Obispo County, a 4 or 5 hour drive from our house in Modesto.

They left for home that day, October 25, 2004..

It was the last time that we saw Margie in person before her death in April 2005.

Black Pearls Journal was a journal book I bought at a yard sale. It had not been written in. Each page contained a quote from the book Black Pearls and the prompt “On this day, I…” followed by a blank space for you to write your thoughts.

#journaling #writing #Black Pearls #Black Pearls Journal #Judge Wray ladine #Judge's death in the court house #Journal premonition of a heart attack #goofing off #day off #Alan watts #Gay relationship #Last time seeing Mother #death and endings #10/25/2004

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toastedkiwi · 2 years

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I don't remember if I already asked you this so I'm very sorry</3

what is henry and reporter!reader's day-to-night routine?

You did but with the night routine— that’s okay though. I like this ask better.

And this is if Henry is home and the baby is there too.

You wake up at 3am.

If the baby is up as well, you’ll change his diaper and feed him letting Henry continue sleeping. You’ll get him back to sleep.

You shower and get ready for work.

You then start on breakfast for yourself around 3:45am. You’ll brew both tea and coffee. Henry likes tea and it’ll be easier for him if it’s already is ready for him. Along with a bottle for your baby and leave it on the warmer.

You finish up your makeup and put on your outfit for anchoring around 4:20am. You then get your sneakers on because you aren’t wearing heels- nobody sees your feet on tv.

You’ll kiss your beloved goodbye and you’re sure that your lipstick leaves a mark on his forehead or cheek— his child gets a matching one too.

4:30-4:40am - you’re out of the house and headed to the studio.

Sometimes at 5am, Henry will get up and put on some workout clothes. He’ll get the running stroller out or the baby carrier. He’ll check on his son and get him all set up for a run with dad.

Meanwhile, you’ll finally get into the studio.

You’ll be finishing up last minute touches ten minutes before you’re on air.

You’re on air at 6-10am

Henry will get home from his early morning run at around 6am.

If he doesn’t do an early morning run, Henry gets up around 7am because baby boy is ready to party.

Baby boy gets changed again and is given his bottle. Dad will have his tea or a protein shake. Kal will have his breakfast and let outside to chill in solitude contemplating the existence of his soul.

The bottle service will be taken to the couch or upstairs to the master bedroom to watch mommy on the tv.

Watching you happens for a good hour until Henry needs something to eat.

Henry will make breakfast and sit his ass down at the breakfast table with his plate. Baby boy is in the high chair or Dad’s lap. If Baby boy is able to handle solids, Henry will happily share his breakfast.

8:30am Henry will check on Kal to see if he wants to come in. He doesn’t. Henry will fill up his water bowl and put it out.

He’ll put baby boy in a bouncer hanging on the door of the bathroom. Henry will then catch the lipstick mark on his face when looking in the mirror and he’ll turn to his kid and say “she got us both without noticing!”

He’ll then take a shower. Sometimes he’ll just bring his boy in and they’ll be squeaky clean for your return home.

Henry will try again to get Kal in but he won’t come in. If Henry decides he wants to run some errands, Kal is coaxed in by treats.

12-1pm is when you return home from work and Henry will more often than not have lunch ready or you bring it home. Henry will finally get a proper kiss.

2-3pm it’s nap time for you and nap time for baby from 2-4pm. Henry will join sometimes or play video games or do some of his own work.

You’ll bother Henry for the last hour and hangout with him.

It’s playtime with the baby until dinner.

6pm is when you’ll all have dinner and then things start to wind down.

Sometimes you’ll all (even Kal) go on a walk around the neighborhood.

7:30pm the baby gets a bath if needed. A bottle of a few ounces will be given.

Everyone gathers around for the bedtime stories.

8:30pm is when you go to bed. Henry will snuggle up with you until you fall asleep.

Sometimes he’ll fall asleep with you but if he doesn’t have anything going on besides being a dad, he’ll take some me-time and play video games.

10pm-12:30am he’ll come back to bed and snuggle up to you. He falls asleep soon after.

#henry cavill x news reporter!reader #henry cavill headcanon

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dearfuturehusbandblog · 5 months

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I Had A Moment

Dear Future Husband,

I've had a lot I've wanted to post here over the last few months but it's been too much, really, and a lot of the things I've wanted to say would come out sounding completely insensitive and that just wouldn't be appropriate for what everyone has been struggling with. I'm also slow at processing things properly, which I think I've made kind of clear in this blog in the past.

Regardless, I'll reiterate: I'm often too pragmatic, honestly to a fault.

Everything about the way I think and feel (or don't feel) is a direct symptom of the way I was raised, regardless of how in denial my parents are of the way they raised us.

I've been sleeping worse than normal for the last three months (it's literally 10:20am right now as I'm starting to write this and I still haven't slept since yesterday and I only slept about 3-4 hours yesterday, so you can probably see where this is going....) and I'm too tired to really explain myself thoroughly here right now, but I thought I should share this.

Since the war started in October I haven't felt much about it.

This is the whole insensitive thing I was talking about....

I'm a half a world away dealing with so many other things and b"H all the people I know in Israel are as safe as they can be during this insanity, so it's hard to relate to anything that's going on over there.

I've also never been much of an emotional person, so I've seen a lot of the footage and pictures and haven't had much of a reaction. Which is ridiculous, I know, and maybe one day when I'm not falling on my face I'll take time to go more in depth on what I mean, but today is not that day.

Anywho, when I was in Seminary in Israel a whole 15+ years ago, I started reciting the entire sefer tehillem during the week of Chanukah.

That lasted maybe four or five years, but I'm so slow at reading Hebrew that I would always procrastinate the days perakim and end up off schedule and it was too much pressure on myself to do something that nobody told me I had to do. So at some point I just stopped doing it.

But another "tradition" I started at the same time was doing a content "diet" and cutting out all non-kosher movies, tv, music, and books (except for bathroom reading) for the entire week of Chanukah. That is something I still do pretty much every year.

So during the rest of the year I listen to the radio or my non-Jewish music with the blutooth in my car, but during Chanukah it's only Jewish music.

Last Thursday night, the 8th night of Chanukah, I was listening to music in my car on the way to the supermarket to buy some things for Shabbos and the song L'man Achai by The Chevra came on.

I listened to it once, not having heard it in a long time, and sang along with it. The next song came on, but my mind was still on L'man Achai, so I put it on again, harmonizing with it. And then it sunk in as an earworm and I played it again.

And I had a moment.

It was on this third play that I actually listened to the words of the song. It's from two separate perakim of tehillem.

Leman achai v're'ai adabra na shalom bach Leman bes Hashem Elokeinu avaksha tov lach Hashem oz l'amo yiten, Hashem yivarech as amo ba'shalom

The first part is from Perek 122:

And the second is from Perek 29:

My translation skills aren't that good (hence the screenshots), so I was sitting in my car trying to suss out what exactly I was saying in the first part, but when I got to the second, I got completely choked up. Words just wouldn't come out right and tears did spring to my eyes. Although the tears didn't spill over, the knot in my throat took a while to dissipate and I stopped singing along with the song. All I could think about was how many people in Israel are wishing for peace and strength, and how many have picked themselves up after such a tragedy and are moving forward, not letting this keep them down at all.

And I thought about every galus we've been in. Every massacre of Jews for thousands of years because of feuds that run so deep in our history that even when they've been resolved by the people who started them, their children still carry that hatred in their hearts because they've been taught it's important, even when it's not their fight.

And the sarcastic and angry part of me was saying "Hashem gives us strength? He blesses us with peace? WHAT peace? WHAT strength???"

But the rest of me just felt the brokenness of it all.

I ended up playing the song several more times in a row, getting my voice back enough to yell out the lyrics, hoping if I could say them loud enough they'd permeate my soul and maybe I would feel something more than just that momentary strangle. That maybe just putting the words out into the world would be enough.

So after three months of playing the part of "it's so terrible, it's so sad" but not really feeling those emotions, something in my brain finally clicked. And I had that moment.

It's been a week and I've had the song on repeat in my head since then. It doesn't have the same impact on me as it did last Thursday in the car, but I keep thinking about it.

It's like the earworm of the century has burrowed into my brain and no matter what I do to distract myself the tune is always on the periphery of my thoughts.

Not that this whole situation hasn't been far from my mind every day anyway.... but now I have a small and constant reminder that I can have human feelings on occasion. It just sometimes takes three months for that moment.

-LivelyHeart

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heyitssashag · 1 year

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I want to make sure I document a few things about how my surgery went before I forget. It’s already coming up a week and my memory is fading already. lol.

Warning: There’s a photo below of my incision/staples that may be graphic to some viewers.

Surgery Summary

Cervical/Thoracic Spine (Tues May 23)

After I arrived and checked in at the hospital, I was immediately asked to “not wear anything I wasn’t born with.” Then I put on a hospital-issued gown. The minimal belongings I brought with me were labeled and sent up to my room. I swear I peed like 10 times because I was so nervous.

I was wheeled up to the OR where I spoke very quickly to the anesthesiologist and the neurosurgeon.

The anesthesiologist was having a very hard time getting a vein in my left arm. (They aren’t able to use the port.) I woke up with two IV lines in each wrist. I did give permission that they can use my right arm as well. The last thing I remember is having the oxygen mask over my face and they telling me to have a nice sleep. I believe it was about 8:20am.

I woke up in recovery where I was watched for about 3-4 hours (give or take). My throat was sore because I had a breathing tube down it for the surgery. They offered to bring me a popsicle so I graciously accepted. Man, they were the most powerful tasting popsicles ever (my tastebuds were crazy because of the anesthetic). The second popsicle felt like it was burning my throat so I had to stop. They administered some sort of antibiotic that made me super nauseas. Thanks to that, I wasn’t able to eat dinner later. I requested anti nausea remedies and they administered two different types.

When I made it to my room, it was around 5pm-ish. I had these electric leg compression sleeves that went off every 3 seconds. It was like a blood pressure monitor but for your legs. They were loud and I couldn’t sleep all night because of those things. Heard them even through earplugs.

This is what they look like. I had them on both legs to prevent blood clots post anesthesia.

Below is a video of what they sound like. You can’t see anything but if you turn the sound up, you’ll hear it and get an idea of what I’m talking about.

As I just had a consult with the sleep specialist the week before who said I may have mild sleep apnea and may have some other issues (that I’m going to get tested for), I requested to have some extra oxygen for the night. I loved that. It helped a lot and I was sad when I had to take it off. lol.

Here I am looking like someone who just came out of surgery. I felt like I was hit by a bus.

At midnight, they had to give me another round of the antibiotics that made me sick earlier. They didn’t give me any notice, though. Next thing I know I was feeling nauseated again and the nurse got me some IV medication to help with that. Unfortunately, it took too long to kick in. I grabbed a cardboard barf dish and yacked. Puking right after neck surgery is horrendous, by the way. At that point, I was crying and shaking. I had to buzz the nurse to help me dispose of my vomit. Luckily, it did make me feel better.

Unfortunately, my catheter also kept getting kinked or had air holes that would prevent it from draining properly. I had to keep asking them to fix it. I always felt like I had to pee.

Thankfully, the next day I was able to get my catheter removed but that also meant I had to prove I could go to the bathroom on my own. After I saw the OT and was fitted for my neck brace, I borrowed a walker from the hospital and went around the ward once. By this point, I was already doing 10 times better than my previous surgery (2+ years ago). Back then, I couldn’t get out of bed for the first 2 days. I went to a commode on the third. By the 4th day I made it to the toilet once (barely) out of sheer necessity (as they gave me a diarrhetic suppository). Anyway, I was making it to the toilet by the next day after this surgery. I drink a lot of water so I considered it my physio.

By late afternoon, they also unhooked me from the pain pump. I didn’t use it too much anyway but it did come in handy a few times. It kicks in pretty fast but it also wears off fast. Unfortunately, when they took away the pump, they screwed up my meds schedule and I ended up in a pain crisis by the next morning. I figured they’d wake me up to administer during the night but that wasn’t the case. Apparently, I had to ask for them. So the following night I requested they wake me up and give me my drugs. lol.

I also had a surgical drain to release the blood. I had drains in after my mastectomy and explant surgeries but they were much different and I had them for a lot longer. This was a big, unnerving looking drain that was tubed into the back of my neck.

I had a nursing student and her instructor remove the drain. (The same student also removed my catheter.) I wasn’t too thrilled about a student doing those things but hey, I guess they have to learn some time.

Anyway, this post is getting long and I’m tired. So much covered about bodily fluids. lol.

The last photo below is my incision. May the Frankenstein jokes commence! Looks like I have 22 staples in there. I’ll need to get them out by the end of the week.