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yxami · 4 months

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hii! could you write something with caleb into stepping or anything like that? thank youu

Hope you enjoy! Sorry it’s taken me so long lol 😊

desc: yandere masochist x gn reader, nsfw themes, stepping on certain areas of his body, masochism, slight sadism, yandere themes/behaviors, etc. I’m wondering if this is considered some sort of foot fetish, if so, I feel like I ate for someone who don’t fw it 🤫

You’ve been toying around with the school’s nerd for about the same time you were bullying him for. You played nicer now, no longer pushing him against lockers and snapping at him for just glancing in your direction, even if he pleaded for a taste of that intense bullying again.

You’re not dating Caleb, but not exactly keeping things open either, you don’t want him to get with anyone and he doesn’t want the same for you either. You call it nothing but if he begs enough you’ll call him babe every now and then.

“Please? I.. promise I won’t ask anything else today? Just for a little while?” His bottom lip quivers as he only requests one simple thing, for you to step on him. “At least 5 minutes and I’ll shut up” The blush splattered on his face only furthers how into this idea he was.

He’s already gotten so many bulges like now, just thinking about you stepping on him, showing him another way how beneath he is compared to you, literally and metaphorically.

“Just don’t be loud, I’ve already heard enough complaints from my maid about how she’s been hearing a lot of strange sounds” You scold him, referencing how loud he can get, just a simple handjob and he’s squealing about how good it feels, how you treat him so well and doesn’t deserve your kindness.

“A- alright! I swear I’ll so quiet!” He whisper yells, already lying back on your bed, eager as his cock jumps from the view of you straddling his thighs to slowly standing on the soft bed sheets. He grabs onto some fabric, holding it in his sweaty palms as he admires how beautiful you look.

You made sure not to use your shoes much to his dismay, you were aware that they were made of a rich heavy material, something even Caleb couldn’t handle.

He immediately perks up as he feels pressure on his cock, covering his mouth as his eyes shoot up to look at yours, already looking hot and bothered as he whimpered at another step you take. You can’t help but wonder how this even works, do you step in another place too? Or is it just here?

You don’t verbally question anything, and just continue pressing different amounts of weight on his crotch, teasing him with a heavy step every now and then, he squirms as much as he can get away with, wanting to be good and stay in place.

“P-please, can you be mean while you.. step on me?” He bats his eyelashes up at you, staring with his obvious doe eyes, looking pitiful as he whimpers under you.

“You’re such a masochist, how did I even get involved with you” His behavior invokes a slight chuckle out of you, granting him what he wanted. “I never thought I’d be standing on some pervert’s cock for fun”

He hisses under his breath with a lewd face, enjoying this moment too much, you could feel his cock twitch at your words through his pants. You were sure if he had a dog tail that it would be loudly thumping on the bed.

“I’m n-not a pervert… just a guy who likes you” He says with a wobbly smile, hoping his response draws you to make another insult. His heart is pounding so loud, frightened that you might tease him for it. His heart pounded only to the thought of seeing you, touching you, loving you.

“I think pervert is the perfect name for you, all those hard ons you got, just with me pushing you, god you’re so lucky I’m gracing you with my presence” You deliver your words with a sharp degrading tone. You bend down, sitting on his lower thighs before unbuttoning his pants.

“W-wait, you’re taking off my.. pants?” He says with a pant interrupting his words, he sits up, not moving away from your hands, he knows that this isn’t the first time you’ve touched him down there but he always has to mentally prepare himself first or else he’ll cum too fast.

“You’ll probably feel more right? Isn’t that what you wanted” You smile amused at his indecisive pout, curious to what he could be contemplating at this moment. “Y-yeah.. you’re right, it’ll probably feel better” He fiddles with his fingers, embarrassed to look at you taking off his pants, the gaze you had on was affecting him too much.

You slip off his pants, teasing his boxers as if you were going to lower it just to see his reaction, you should probably say his cock’s reaction though, twitching and seemingly eager to be freed, with his blush deepening.

“Don’t tease me so much..” The whiny attitude erupting from his throat was paired with a gasp as you step on his erection again, feeling much more pressure than before and now he was even more turned on by the lack of jean fabric.

The built up of sensations has him squirming beneath your foot, trying to gain more friction as he grinds against it, caught faster than ever before as you scold him making him let out another whiny pant. “M’ sorry.. just feels too good” His glassy eyes with a frown makes your heart flutter. You always forget how pretty he looks when he’s needy for something.

As you continue, he holds a pillow on his chest, biting on it as he makes his sounds muffled, chest rising up and down with more speed when he starts reaching near his limit. “Please- please harder” He makes all sorts of breathless whimpers.

You know he’s right at his limit when he lays fully back, tightly wrapped around the pillow he holds above him, messy hair apparent as he breathes through his mouth, grinding against your foot just at the right moment to cum in his boxers. The wet spot growing after he lets out a final shaky sound.

He uses the last of his voice to thank you profusely, throat giving up on him after he abused it so much just to beg.

#yxami’s yam #yandere #yandere x you #yandere x y/n #male yandere #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere nerd #yandere nerd oc #yandere masochist #masochist yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x gn reader #yandere victim x bully reader #Yandere x bully reader #calebmyoc

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lurkingshan · 3 months

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Intergenerational Trauma Challenge - 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

It’s winter and I’m huddled up in my house hiding from the cold weather, so obviously this is the perfect time to tackle another entry on the intergenerational family trauma challenge list. This week I finally watched 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, a Thai drama about Wang, a young man just coming of age who is desperately seeking answers about his father’s death; Sasiwimol, Wang’s very complicated mother who does not want to dig up the past; Inthawut, his father’s best friend who has been hiding from it for years; and Siam, the black hole at the center of this story.

Before I dig into the trauma themes, let me just say that this show is excellent, if not for everyone. It has a very intentional style that makes it feel like a stage play—the writer is a playwright—and it’s basically eight episodes of very intense conversations. It’s not a romance and there’s an intellectualism in the writing that I found kept me at an emotional remove from the characters even as I marveled at how well crafted the dialogue is. And the dialogue is very important, which is why the translation of this drama is much stronger than we typically get from Thai productions—the words matter. It’s also loaded with visual metaphors and is all around beautiful to look at, and the three main performers are fantastic. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes theater, stories about complicated families, or beautiful and talented actors showing their work. And more than anything else, this show does incredibly strong thematic work and its messaging is on point: this is a story about how noble idiocy ruins lives.

So, with that said, onto the trauma! Spoilers ahead, and I am assuming anyone reading past this point has watched the show. Some themes you’ll see in this one: taboo, denial of queer identity, homophobia, filial piety, and lots of emotional manipulation. Shoutout to @bengiyo and @twig-tea for reading this to make sure I didn’t miss anything in this complex story.

There are two main sources of intergenerational trauma radiating down toward Wang: the absence of his father, Siam, and his intense relationship with his mercurial mother, Sasiwimol. The story is structured around Wang’s determination to seek answers about Siam—both who he was and how he died. He has grown up knowing a certain story: that his parents met and fell in love in college but divorced when he was young, that his father loved him very much despite not staying with his mother, and that his father was an alcoholic who died in a drunk driving accident. Shortly after his father’s death, his mom put him in boarding school so she could focus on her career and became a weekend parent to him—as she was not around to structure his day to day life, their relationship became more about her taking him on fun adventures and spoiling him when she had time off, treating each other as best friends instead of like a mother and son, and never talking about Siam. He has always suspected there was more to the story of his parents that he was not being told, and as he has grown up, come into his own queerness, and picked up on his mother’s casual homophobia and obsessive devotion to compulsory heteronormativity, his suspicions about the secret his mom was holding became sharper.

Enter Inthawut. Inthawut was Siam’s best friend, and with nothing to go on but a set of old pictures, Wang has an instinctual certainty that he is the key to the secret he’s seeking. And thus he engineers a way for he and his mom to “coincidentally” stumble onto Inthawut’s property and get invited to stay a few days in his isolated home, at which point Wang begins his campaign to figure out what the hell happened between Siam, Sasiwimol, and Inthawut at any cost.

One of the things I find most interesting about this story is how much the plot hinges on Wang going against Asian cultural norms in his pursuit of the truth. He is not respectful to his elders. He does not maintain filial piety and deference to his mother. He refuses to restrain his emotions. Instead, he is pushy and relentless and emotionally manipulative (all tricks we can plainly see he learned from Sasiwimol) and Inthawut doesn’t stand a chance against him. And so, because Wang explicitly acts against these cultural values, the truth comes out and the trauma is no longer suppressed.

And in the end, it’s a simple, if desperately sad story: Siam and Inthawut were in love, but Inthawut was battling internalized homophobia and deep-seeded fear and so he relentlessly pushed Siam away and toward dating and then marrying their friend Sasiwimol. And when Siam, miserable in this heterosexual relationship he never actually wanted, finally snapped and confessed his true feelings, Inthawut rejected him and ran away to study abroad. Inthawut was running due to his own fear, but he also had noble notions of somehow protecting Siam from his own queerness and told himself that if he was gone, Siam would accept his heterosexual life. Of course, that did not happen, and in the fallout of this rejection Siam sank further into alcoholism and died soon after. Inthawut’s reaction was the exact worst fear of all gay people who work up the courage to confess to a friend they have developed feelings for: outright rejection, abandonment, and destruction of the relationship. And in his mind, he did this to Siam “for his own good,” a fairly textbook execution of the noble idiocy trope. In the aftermath, we see how Inthawut has isolated himself, part in penance, part in self-protection, and intellectualized his way to a romantic construction of his own cowardice that he tries to convince Wang is righteous.

But Wang is deeply affected by how the denial of his father’s queerness ruined his life and is absolutely not having any of Inthawut’s self-denying bullshit, and this is where things get messy, as both Wang and Inthuwat seem to start seeing Wang and Siam as interchangeable and they develop an emotional entanglement that is deeply unhealthy, to say the least. Wang wants to understand Siam so badly that he starts to be him, and Inthuwat is so desperate to address his regret and shame that he starts to see Wang as Siam, as well. Wang also uses this attachment as a way to shock his mother and forcefully bring her real feelings about Siam and Inthawut to the surface. Despite Wang’s many loud protestations to the contrary, I don’t believe that he and Inthawut actually love each other. They are using each other to work out their trauma about Siam.

And they’re not the only ones! Sasiwimol seems to have her own psychological confusion about Wang as he relates to Siam, and their dynamic is very strange as a result. She refers to Wang as dua-eeng (and has taught him to do the same with her rather than calling her “mom”), a Thai endearment that literally means “self” but is often used between lovers. They have a very physically affectionate relationship that often had me grimacing in discomfort, and she clearly sees Wang as both a source of pain—because he is so like Siam—and her one source of comfort and happiness. She is a successful woman by any standard, but she’s also desperately lonely, hanging on tight to Wang as her only companion in a way that often veers into overbearing, and deeply wounded by her past with Siam and Inthawut. It was through her own friendship with Inthawut that she pursued Siam in the first place, and she clearly feels betrayed not only by Siam, but by Inthawut, both for getting in the way of her relationship with Siam and for leaving them. Her feelings about both men are complex and the story never fully spells them out, in part because Sasiwimol never does. Determinedly not thinking about what happened between them is a big part of how she copes, along with sublimating her suspicions into homophobia, which she perpetuates quite intentionally in her work via production of heterosexual romance propaganda.

Wang clearly loves his mother even as he is frustrated by her prejudices, her desire to control him, and her tendency toward emotional manipulation. He is a perceptive kid and he has studied her closely; he understands her very well and can often predict exactly how she’ll react to a situation. Which is why his decision to announce baldly to her face that he is in love with Inthawut—not only coming out as gay but declaring his intention to move out of her home and in with a man 20+ years his senior who is deeply entangled with her own trauma—felt very intentional to me. He knew what kind of reaction that would get from her, and he wanted it. And sure enough, Sasiwimol crumbles at this repetition of her trauma and the perceived disloyalty of Wang choosing Inthawut over her just as his father did. The rest of the emotion she’d been holding back comes pouring out, resulting in the three of them finally airing out everything that lies between them and everything they are feeling about the Siam-shaped hole in their lives. And once she breaks down, Wang is able to forgive her for the grievance she’s caused him and ultimately decides to remain filial and continue living with her, because he does not actually want to punish his mother for what happened to his father.

So, in the end, where did the story leave us with all this trauma? I can’t really say that any of these characters have healed, but I do think Wang kick-started that process, at least for himself. He got what he needed most out of this little scheme: deeper understanding of who his father was and why his life took such a drastic turn. He remains caught in the dysfunctional dynamic with his mother, and I’m not sure he’ll ever fully break out of it, but at least there is more honesty between them now about what they’re dancing around. She now knows he is gay and she has to accept it to keep him with her, and given that he has backed off from asking her to accept something much scarier than that, I do think she will find a way to make her peace with it. Inthawut is the character who seems to have progressed the least, standing firmly in his stasis and remaining determinedly alone with his pain, though the show leaves us with a note of ambiguity that suggests he may someday find the courage to move on.

The messages of this work are clear. Internalized homophobia and denial of your own queerness are poison for your soul. Rejecting a loved one “for their own good” is an act of cowardice and selfishness, not an act of love. Hiding from and sublimating your trauma will never allow you to heal. Refusing to process your pain will only lead to you pushing it down on the next generation. Ultimately, this story told us that bravely looking ourselves and our trauma in the face and confronting our truths head on is the only way to begin to heal, and that running from them only leads to ruin.

#180 degree longitude passes through us #thai drama #intergenerational trauma challenge #shan shouts into the void

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airas-story · 6 months

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Just a Kick

“Well,” Tony said, trying not to let his amusement get the best of him. “Say what you will about Peter, but subtle he is not. I think he wants us to date.”

Stephen glanced at him, arching an eyebrow. “What gave it away?” He asked, tone dry. “The mistletoe a few weeks ago that was completely out of season? The three different staged dinners that, admittedly, took us two dinners too long to figure out? The time they locked us in a closet after having stolen my sling ring? The fact that they’ve now tried to shove us into a single room with only one bed despite the fact that I could literally portal us to our own rooms for the night without anyone the wiser?”

“We could do that,” Tony agreed, even though Peter had made them promise not to abuse portals. Apparently it was part of the ‘vacation experience’ and it was cheating if they just went home every night. Tony didn’t get it, but he’d gone along with it this far. He let out a little hum as he considered the situation. “Or, I suppose, we could just go along with it.”

“You kick,” Stephen muttered under his breath. “It is incredibly annoying.”

Tony had gotten used to Stephen knowing random things about him—about them, in the hypothetical situation that they happened—that Stephen should, by all rights, not have any way to know.

14 million timelines.

Tony didn’t know how Stephen had done it, wasn’t sure how Stephen was still sane.

Wasn’t sure how, after all that Stephen had to have seen, Stephen for some reason loved him. There was no way that Tony deserved that.

Personally, Tony blamed Stockholm Syndrome. Stephen had clearly been forced into Tony’s proximity for so long that he’d been tricked into it. And yes, he knew it didn’t work that way, but Tony thought it got the point across remarkably.

But however many timelines it had taken Stephen to fall in love with Tony… It had only taken this one for Tony to fall in love with Stephen.

He just wasn’t sure how to actually do anything about it. He wasn’t sure that Stephen would believe him if he did, for one. And, perhaps more importantly, a part of him worried that his love could never measure up to Stephen’s own.

He would try. Hell, he’d try. He’d try to do right by Stephen. But the fear lurked. What if Tony wasn’t enough?

Such thoughts clearly didn’t plague Peter who clearly thought that he and Stephen were perfect for each other.

“Well, wouldn’t want to kick you,” Tony said easily, trying to hide his gut reaction. “Just open me up a portal to my place. We can deal with Peter tomorrow.”

The words were supposed to come out casual, but something must have slipped because Stephen eyed him curiously.

“Do you want to share a bed?” he asked, sounding uncertain. Uncertain didn’t suit Stephen.

Tony opened his mouth, then closed it. He wasn’t sure how to answer that question. The truth was that, yes, he sort of did. But he also wasn’t sure what that would do to their relationship. Would it progress things faster and further than Tony was ready for?

Would he be giving Stephen promises that he couldn’t possibly live up to?

He knew he wasn’t good enough for Stephen. Did he want to give Stephen the false hope that Tony might someday be?

Stephen’s brow furrowed and Tony realized he’d been silent too long.

“Yes,” he admitted. He ran a hand through his hair before throwing caution to the wind. “I do want to share a bed with you. I want to do a lot of things with you, actually. The sort of things that Peter wants us to do. Like hold hands. And kiss. And sleep together, both platonically and not. And you know… uh, fall in love with you.”

Stephen’s mouth dropped open just slightly. Clearly he hadn’t expected for Tony to go all out like that. Well, Tony had always lived to surprise.

“Except,” Tony continued. “It can’t be perfect, because apparently I kick in bed, and maybe that’s a sign of other things. That maybe I’ll metaphorically ‘kick’ if I try to love you.”

“You…” Stephen shook his head. “You sound ridiculous, you know that, right? Are you really suggesting that because you kick in your sleep you’re incapable of loving me?”

“I’m just saying that maybe it’s a sign.” He looked away. He sounded like an idiot and he knew it. But the point stood. “You love me.” Stephen didn’t deny it. They were far past that. “And I just… I don’t know if anything I give you can ever match that.”

Stephen huffed out a breath, shaking his head. He waved his hands and then suddenly he was in his pajamas instead of his many layers of sorcerer garb. Tony felt his mouth go dry. Stephen looked… well, he always looked good, but he looked soft and approachable in the soft, worn white t-shirt and comfortable looking lounge pants. “You’re an idiot. Now get into your pajamas and get in bed.”

“Did you hear anything I just said?”

“Yes,” Stephen said. “You admitted you love me. You added a whole bunch of nonsensical commentary about somehow not being enough for me that I’m choosing to ignore until we’re both less tired. But the essence is that you love me. Since that’s true, I don’t see why we’re still dithering about this.”

Tony stared at him, searching for the right words.

Somehow he still surprised himself. “Alright.”

If Stephen was going to make it that simple… Well, Tony could accept it. For now, at least, until they had that discussion they needed to have.

Stephen waited until Tony was comfortable in the bed before wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him close. “I love you, Tony,” he murmured, breath warm against Tony’s skin. “Even when you kick.”

#ironstrange #tony stark #stephen strange #fic #love confessions #sorta #one bed trope #matchmaking #Peter ships it #longer than intended #as always

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hazbingirliexoxo · 2 months

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“The Archer” Angel Dust Analysis

A/n: ALRIGHT YALL❣️ it’s been a hot minute (literally a whole month lol rip☠️) but I have FINALLY written this and am ready to share it with everyone!🤩 So I’m a huge Swiftie and I absolutely love Angel😭💕 so listening to this song: “The Archer” instantly made me think of him. I think the lyrics really highlight how his experiences with love have shaped the complexities of his true feelings and while we still have so much more to discover about his and Husk’s developing relationship in the show, I truly think that this song just “screams” them. If you haven’t listened to the song before, I definitely recommend to!😊 Anyway, lez get into it!😎

Note: For reference, I primarily used this article: https://gwtimes.org/1625/music-books-movies/the-archer-taylor-swift-lyric-analysis/ to organize all of my thoughts and opinions on why this song suits Angel so well. I think this author did an excellent job at explaining the real message of the song in regards to Taylor’s life, but this analysis is solely based on my OWN interpretation of how Angel’s character fits this song. Just wanted to clarify. THANK YOU AND ENJOY!!!❤️❤️❤️

Combat, I’m ready for combat

I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you

Okay so, with these first few lines, we can think about how much Angel has been through, both in life and death. Like anyone else, he’s made mistakes and fought with many people he’s cared about before, whether that be with his birth family (ex: Arackniss, Molly) or his newfound family/friends he’s made at the hotel later on (ex: Charlie, Husk, Niffty, Sir Pentious, etc). But in terms of his actual familial background, Angel was born and raised in the mafia, meaning he’s used to seeing the indescribable horrors and violence associated with that lifestyle. He has no choice but to conjure up this metaphorical shield of “armor” in order to not only protect himself but also, survive. This ultimately makes it very difficult for Angel to form and develop good, healthy relationships, whether that’d be platonic or romantic, because as much as he craves genuine love and affection, isn’t that going against everything he’s known? To not care about what anyone thinks of him because at the end of the day, everyone leaves regardless? Angel Dust is a perfect example of being conditioned to this toxic, negative mindset he’s built for himself every day and we especially see more of this when it comes to his work with Valentino.

Now Angel is a celebrity, the most famous porn star in all of hell. Of course, due to his natural charisma and good looks, all eyes are drawn to him. He’s expected to essentially “put on a show” and show off what he’s “good for” because who could resist the seductive, charming Angel Dust? But that’s the cruel irony behind it all. Angel’s perception of his pornstar persona overshadows the reality of his true self, which makes it easy for him to push people away and not let anyone see the real him. He’s bred to allow people to chase after him, lust after him, because that’s the embodiment of who Angel Dust is, not who Anthony is. Angel Dust doesn’t care if people “leave” him because he knows that one way or another, there’s always someone else who will appreciate him for his “talents”, who will shower him with the desire and attention he so desperately seeks, despite it being superficial. But Anthony? No one knows who that is nor anyone would care to know who Anthony is in Angel’s mind, so rather than reveal his true thoughts, he decides to remain silent and keep them hidden from the public view as a way to protect himself.

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I never grew up, it’s getting so old

Help me hold on to you

Now, these second set of lyrics go a little more in-depth about Angel’s personal life and relationships. The first line expresses how easily he attracts people and yet still drives them away. The second one, however, can be explored through both a platonic and a romantic perspective. In a platonic lens, Angel struggles with making real, genuine friends (other than Cherri) because he’s afraid no one will be interested to get to know him. The same thing can be said in a romantic point of view. Angel loves to flirt, yes, but with his pornstar persona, he over-amplifies it and makes it seem like he’s “on board” in the beginning, but in the slightest sense of any seriousness or vulnerability, he “jumps off”, going his own way because he knows he’s unable to commit. This third line takes a look into how Angel is associated with being the “black sheep” of his family. Despite his somewhat childish nature, Angel’s always causing trouble and has never been the more focused, responsible type like his older brother: Arackniss. But due to these specific family dynamics, this shows how Angel feels like he’s never taken seriously with his true self. And because of that, he doesn’t understand how to grow and mature enough as a person to handle long-term relationships. The last line here can be portrayed as Angel’s inner thoughts and feelings towards his future love interest in the series: Husk. Angel is so used to giving up and running away from the idea of real love because of his own sexual abuse and trauma from Valentino. But throughout his whole afterlife, Husk is the only good man who respects and values Angel for who he truly is and despite how nice yet unfamiliar that feeling is, Angel’s terrified of losing it. Therefore, these lyrics can imply how he’s pleading for Husk to help him stay grounded and focus on exploring and pursuing this new relationship with him.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

In the chorus, we can start to see the lyrics become even more personified towards Angel’s life. He’s been hurt by so many people, yet he’s also his own worst enemy because he’s done the same thing to those who he cares about too, ultimately straining or damaging the relationships as a whole. He wonders why no one would want to stay in his life, but deep down, he knows that he doesn’t make it easy for people to love him either. So in order to change that, he needs to believe in himself and trust that he can make a positive effort towards becoming better.

Dark side, I search for your dark side

But what if I’m all right, right, right, right here?

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then hate my reflection, for years and years

Within the next verse, we can connect back to how Angel’s toxic mindset has made a profound impact on himself and his relationships. There’s a big part of him that’s always subconsciously searching for the negative aspects of letting people into his life, and that in itself, is what overpowers his psyche into not recognizing and acknowledging the positive facets as well. These next few lines can be referenced to how he strives to maintain his pornstar persona. The whole concept of Angel Dust is for him to be as appealing and desirable to everyone no matter what because that’s what the public likes to see. But unfortunately, what Angel doesn’t comprehend is that he doesn’t need to overemphasize this “mask” of his because the real, genuine people in his life (such as Molly, Charlie, Cherri, Husk, etc.) love and accept him for who he is internally rather than externally. This lack of understanding can also drive him to act impulsive with his emotions and lash out towards the people he deeply cares about, thereby causing him to feel hatred towards himself and regret the decisions he’s made later on.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold on to you

The metaphorical meaning behind these next lyrics can connect to how empty and restless Angel feels when he’s by himself. We know that he suffers intense nightmares and drug hallucinations from Valentino, but in this next line: “The room is on fire, invisible smoke”, this allows us to dive deeper into his inner troubles and the emotional turmoil and chaos he’s experiencing from it. He’s known to “burn bridges” and “start fires” with others because like I stated previously, he believes everyone will leave him eventually, so as a result, he shuts people out as a way to cope with this depression and loneliness, knowing that it’s still his fault.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

Here we have the main chorus again, but what’s different is that the word “screaming” is used. This allows us to really see and feel the intensity behind Angel’s emotions. It can almost be viewed as if he’s “crying out for help” and begging for someone, ANYONE, to reach out and stay there with him.

Cause they see right through me

They see right through me

They see right through

Can you see right through me?

They see right through me (2x)

I see right through me (2x)

This next sequence of lyrics is pretty self-explanatory, especially regarding Angel’s famous reputation. Based upon his story arc so far, the internal struggles and hardships Angel has faced throughout life and death have definitely taken a toll on him. Even though he aims to portray this glamorous, charming pornstar personality, characters like Husk can see right through Angel pretty easily and have no issue in calling him out for how fake he’s being. This not only makes Angel very hyper-aware of his mask “slipping away”, but also adds on an extra layer of anxiety and panic he’s feeling from losing control of that facade.

All the king’s horses, all the king’s men

Couldn’t put me together again

‘Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Help me hold on to you

The first line here is a clear reference to the nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty, but the next few lines are what really emphasize Angel’s character even more. Angel is not an easy guy to get along with. He knows he can be an asshole and because of that, he’s made many enemies who could’ve potentially stayed as friends in his life if he didn’t push them away. But that doesn’t make him feel as if he’s alone right? After all, Angel Dust is fulfilled with receiving “love” from clients, fans, and Valentino all the time, so that has to mean something, right? This particular mindset is what fuels Angel to continue craving that form of infatuation and attention because it’s what he surrounds himself with every day. However, once that “high” dies down, who does he have waiting there for him at home? No one, because in reality, he IS alone and that terrifies him even more due to the fact that he’s the reason behind these self-destructive tendencies.

I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

(I see right through me, I see right through me)

Who could stay? (4x)

You could stay

Combat, I’m ready for combat

These final lines of the song play a significant role in how Angel’s perspective on love can change for the future. Like I’ve said prior, Angel has never had anyone show real, genuine interest in him before, that is, until he met Husk. Husk has made it very clear in the beginning that he doesn’t like putting up with anyone’s bullshit. While his gruff, no-nonsense exterior may be off-putting to others, Angel is very attracted to how real Husk is in expressing how he feels and that is exactly the kind of person Angel needs in his life right now. Over some time throughout the series so far, we start to see a closer relationship develop between the two as well, how fond and comfortable they are of each other. This scares Angel because like all of his other relationships and his current predicament with Valentino, he’s afraid that Husk will voluntarily leave or be taken away from him forever. So in order to avoid that, Angel is determined to do everything he can to keep Husk a permanent part of his life.

Overall, Angel is well aware that he’s not an easy person to love, but with Husk, he feels as if he could be the one to truly understand and accept him for who he is. That maybe, and hopefully, Husk will be the one to stay for good❤️

A/n: yalll,, this is soo fucking long I’m so sorry😭 but I absolutely love these two with all my heart, literally on my hands and knees like this 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ but anywaysss I really hoped you enjoyed it just as much as I loved writing it🥰 PLEASE give me all the feedback you have! I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts and opinions, it would really make my day🥹 Thanks for reading loves!!🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin angel dust #hazbin husk #angel dust #angel dust x husk #huskerdust #hazbin valentino #hazbin alastor #hazbin charlie #hazbin vaggie #nifty hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin vox #hazbin sir pentious #hazbin cherri bomb

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davnittbraes · 2 months

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Hi Davnitt!

I have come to your ask box today with 3 Marcus Pikes and I desperately need to know which one you like the best and why…

Thanks in advance for the essay you are about to write 😉😘

Me?? An essay??

My friend, I really don’t know why you’re under the impression that I wouldn’t simply respond to this lovely ask with a straightforward and succinct answer, that just doesn’t sound like me AT ALL.

So anyways -

In this essay I will demonstrate which of the three Marcus gifs submitted I like best and why.

In the first gif, we have post-Teresa Marcus, still carrying the weight of a broken heart while trying to put his life back together. See the sad puppy dog eyes? The nervous smile? That delectable beard isn’t for an undercover job, as he so claims. It’s obvious Poor Bébé is grasping at anything in his life that he can control, any way he can alter the present to be different than the future he dreamed of with her that he now realizes will never come to fruition.

And yet, as we know, Marcus is resilient, unable to stay down for long. There’s a glimpse of it in his gaze, the unwavering confidence that is already guiding him toward realizing the truth - that Teresa was an uninteresting, immature woman with sociopathic tendencies.

Also, that NECK omg I just wanna BITE it nom nom nom and the SMILE??? My heart 🥰🥰🥰

The second gif -

*pauses to physically and emotionally recover from Marcus Pike in a white t-shirt*

- gives us a slightly defensive Marcus, one who is confronted with a perceived threat to his happiness (aka the man he obviously suspects his girlfriend is in love with) and a particularly inspired choice of camera angle where the viewer is subjected to the very same broad chest and shoulders that have so many of us shifting in our seats.

Though on the surface he is displaying his typical politeness, there’s an underlying general aura of “back the fuck away from my girl” that, for those of us who find the idea of him metaphorically growling at anyone who might steal us away attractive (re: me) demands multiple replays of this particular gif.

Plus his hair is so fluffy here like it’s just begging for fingers to run through it and grip and pull -

Ahem okay anyways MOVING ON.

The last gif submitted for consideration is the essential Marcus Pike gif. Do I have a source to support this argument? Yes. Myself. Fight me.

The gentle gaze that radiates sincerity, the clearly and firmly stated reassurance that he is patient, forgiving, and will be ready whenever she is? His heart isn’t just on his sleeve, it’s in his eyes as he looks at her.

This is my favourite Marcus gif, ever. Not only because of the points stated above, but because this gif ultimately inspired my I’m Here series. I wanted to capture the essence of this gif and distill it in my own hurts and pains and flaws and see if the result was anything meaningful.

But when I went to write the first part of the series, I thought - my Marcus has lived so much since this gif. He’s been through heartbreak and betrayal, made rash decisions and put too much of himself in other people’s hands.

In my series, he’s worked through all of that in therapy, learned how to hold relationships without demanding everything from the other person - and himself - all at once, and how to find the validation he seeks in himself, not others. He’s no longer obsessed with obtaining his perception of a perfect life, focused so determinedly on the future that he misses the importance of the present.

I’m Here Marcus is grounded, centred in the moment. He knows what he truly wants, and that is a partner who will walk side by side with him along whatever path life lays out.

So, where once he said “I’ll be here,” implying he will wait for when she decides to come to him, now he says “I am here. For you. Be here with me, now.”

In conclusion, though all submissions resulted in me staring at gifs for much longer than is healthy, the third is my favourite 😊

And if you’ve read this far, I’d like you to know that you’ve read approximately 600 words of deranged rambling about a minor character in an objectively terrible television show. Do what you will with that information.

Thank you for the ask, my darling Katie 🐙

#another davnitt essay #this time upon request!#did I put too much thought into this #probably #marcus pike fanfiction

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bookishjules · 7 months

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ever since they decided riptide was gonna be the promo song for the show, i've seen a lot of takes--it's ridiculous, it's campy, it's 2012 fan-made mv vibes, it's eerie, it's fun, it's stupid, it's perfect--but what it seems like everyone agrees on, is that the only real connection to percy jackson is the title also being the name of his beloved sword. i'm not saying that connection isn't enough by itself.. but i do think we could go a little deeper hehe so let's break down these lyrics, shall we? <3

**Riptide by Vance Joy Through the Lens of Percy Jackson**

I was scared of dentists and the dark

beautiful intro line to get us in the headspace of the literal child that is 12yo percy jackson.. maybe he was scared of dentists, who knows? but the point is that these are the kind of fears that a parent might be there to hold a child's hand through, and percy never had anyone but sally to do that. this line prepares us for just how strong of an impact the loss of her will be.

I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations

this is percy "stands in the corner playing basketball at the school dance" jackson. it's him losing his words when he notices how pretty annabeth is, but it's also an indication of his placement in the social hierarchy of his peers up until this point.

Oh, all my friends are turning green

green with jealousy because he has all the power of a child of the big 3? because he gets granted a quest on like day fucking one at camp? because he's a naturally talented sword-fighter to rival luke? .. or green because he's finally seeing the world as it is through his god-given green eyes? or green like kelp and algae and the tint of the sea as he befriends creatures in his father's domain?

You're the magician's assistant in their dream

i think if you see luke as the magician, with his tricks and lies, you could easily attribute this line to annabeth--i mean he did want her with him in his backwards dreams. he also saw her following him in dreams of the past, and saw her in the dream conjured by the river styx. but!! i think this line could also refer well to luke himself, where the magician is kronos.

Ah-ooh-ooh-ooh, ah-ahh-ah-ah And they come unstuck

(gonna be real.. i've never known what to make of this line oops)

Lady, running down to the riptide

first, i think of percy running straight for the riptide as a representation of how accepting he's a demigod and a child of poseidon also pulls him in deep into this narrative that has been constructed around him, both in regard to zeus's bolt and also the great prophecy as a whole. but, i think this could also be addressing annabeth, rushing toward percy (water, riptide, etc. you get the picture) and counting on him to take her away from the shore (camp). another option here, if we stick with luke as the person being addressed, is his being called and swept up by the seething rage and indignation that spirals him away from the calmer tides and into the hands of kronos, which....

Taken away to the dark side

yeah, this could very easily be referring to kronos. we can also use it for percy and annabeth both when thinking about the quest that took them to the underworld, which is quite literally the dark side. i also think it could refer to the darker side of the life of a demigod.. by percy stepping up to accept his identity, his eyes are opened to the monsters and manipulative gods and backstabbing (literally) friends and the vague promise of his own death.

I wanna be your left-hand man

oh hello zoo transport oreo sharing "bc you're my friend" scene hehehe also if we switch perspectives this does work well for luke for obvious reasons

I love you when you're singing that song And I got a lump in my throat 'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong

okay stay with me now.. sally pov to percy. like he's up on that metaphorical stage all alone and doing his best and he's gonna fail sometimes but he's singing his own song, the song he was always meant to sing *cries*. another option of this is annabeth looking at percy, who almost always gets the words wrong, but it's so enduring--seaweed brain (affectionate). we also have the potential for annabeth to be looking at luke and saying this, only his wrong words were the path he chose, and the lump in her throat is the pain of watching him betray her trust again and again. along those lines, i think there's also an argument here for the percy @ annabeth pov that i would be inclined to associate with this song... because he loves her and the hope and the trust she carries with her, but he sees the way those beautiful traits of hers make it difficult to see luke for the monster that he's become--right tune, wrong words.

There's this movie that I think you'll like This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City This cowboy's running from himself And she's been living on the highest shelf

a movie percy would think annabeth would like perhaps? annabeth ran away from home and wound up in new york. before that, she had been basically cast aside to collect cobwebs by her parents. when we meet her at the beginning too, she's very much been set on the highest shelf in the way that she's been set aside despite so desperately wanting a quest. but there's also the case that the movie being referred to here is about luke, who ends up running from himself in the sense that he chooses to stand opposite both his father and the family he created for himself after heading to new york. in that case, there's also the possible attribution of the object living on the highest shelf to thalia, whose tree luke would have looked at every day as a reminder of his cause, but who would have been unable to say anything herself, stuck collecting dust, so to say.

I just wanna, I just wanna know If you're gonna, if you're gonna stay I just gotta, I just gotta know I can't have it, I can't have it any other way

okay talk about percabeth coding.. percy's "annabeth don't" when he thought she was gonna join the hunters. annabeth freaking out after he came back from ogygia. percy printing the picture she sent becuase he couldn't trust that it (she, chb, etc.) was real. "you're not getting away from me, never again." etc. etc. etc. (please feel free to continue spiraling in this vein as i know i will). it's also giving luke and his manipulation tactics tho ngl..

I swear she's destined for the screen Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you've ever seen, oh

we (percy) support our queen (annabeth). i could get lost in the percabeth of this all, but i also think it's important to go back to a previous pov we mentioned.. sally's as she watches percy go off on his own. and if the she in question is percy from sally's pov, it's his success that she sees, his happy ending, the one she's been willing upon him from day one. there's also the potential of this line to be about sally from percy's pov. he loves his mom and he's proud of her, and he'll do anything to bring her back from the underworld so that she can live the life she deserves.

so yeah, ig in conclusion, there's more meaning here than meets the eye :) but also that won't stop me from thinking about my favorite pen sword every time that word is sung <3

#leaving this all under the cut bc it got.. long lol #lyric analysis #pjo tv #pjo #percy jackson #annabeth chase #luke castellan #percabeth #riptide #vance joy #lyrics

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anakinskywalkerog · 7 months

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EP. 5 RECAP

I had to rewatch this episode it was that important

spoilers under the cut that you’ve probably already seen somewhere lol

1. CHOPPER THE WORLD’S BEST BABYSITTER

2. ANAKIN’s SMILE. HAYDEN’s MOVE. I STILL CAN’T FORM WORDS.

3. I LOVE BABYSOKA. I think Ariana Greenblatt was the perfect choice for this role. I feel like this is actually the best anyone’s done with casting an animated role in live action, she looks like and embodies Ahsoka so well!!! THIS FUCKING SHOT (the cinematography and lighting in this episode is STUNNING, I am so so so glad they put so much work into this because this is the kind of Star Wars we deserve!! the cinematography in this matches the Eye of Aldhani episode of Andor)

4. as previously mentioned on my page, Hayden in Jedi armor 🤯☠️

5. Ashoka and Anakin, running through the battle:

AHSOKA: “What about my training?!”

ANAKIN: “This is your training!”

I see what you’re doing there, Filoni. I love how psychologically Filoni sees Star Wars in general, he’s always focused on trauma and healing, esp in Rebels.

6. I do kind of wish there could have been more emotional closure (within the dialogue esp) between Anakin and Ahsoka…but I’m wondering if we didn’t get closure because Hayden is going to come back in another episode (I hope so 🤭)

7. I didn’t realize Ahsoka didn’t have ears lol

8. So many purrgil!!’ they’re so beautiful!!! (why do I think the plural of purrgil is purrgil? what led me to believe this? is this canon lol)

ALSO I think the purrgil serve as a really significant metaphor of environmentalism. the imperial forces want to travel to another galaxy? they steal materials to build a giant disruptive machine to get them there. the rebel forces just have to connect with their environment (the purrgil) and rely on animals (nature) who are BUILT to travel to other galaxies (ie why are climate scientists trying to build machines instead of a tree!!! that sucks up carbon and purifies our air?)

I will stop rambling now 😂

but honorable mention to Force sensitive Jacen AND an actual Kanan mention? fuck me up

ALSO not them mentioning the disaster lineage with all of that legacy talk 😂 does anyone feel like they’re paying attention to us? (I’m joking, they’re definitely paying attention to us)

NOW I WILL STOP

#star wars #ahsoka #ahsoka series #anakin skywalker #hayden christensen #star wars prequels #anakin #star wars rebels #sw rebels #swr #kanan jarrus #jacen syndulla #purrgil #hera syndulla #chopper #ariana greenblatt

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softguarnere · 2 months

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Fic Writer Interview

Thank you for the tag @mercurygray!

How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 6, but hopefully that number will go up over spring break

What's your total AO3 word count?

119,136

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Like A Girl (Like A Man) - Band of Brothers

Just A Kid - The Outsiders

Bear The Burden Alone - The Chronicles of Narnia

For Whatever We Lose - Band of Brothers

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, absolutely! I share my writing because it allows me to connect with people who share my interests. If I'm not posting replies, it feels more like a one sided conversation, imo. Also, it seems the polite thing to do

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

It's about to be Like A Girl (Like A Man)! You'll see why soon >:)

What the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

On AO3, it's probably Bear The Burden Alone, but I try to keep the fics that I post here on Tumblr kinda upbeat with hopeful -- albeit open-ended -- endings.

Do you write crossovers?

Yeah! For Whatever We Lose is actually a crossover with The Pacific, and I'd love to do more crossovers in the future

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yep! I've deleted the comments, but some people were VERY ANGRY about the background Babe/Roe content in LAGLAM -- you know, despite the fact that the plot of the fic is driven by a queer woman's decision to cross-dress. Guess they had to draw the line somewhere, but the hypocrisy of it all makes me chuckle

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Kinda? I deleted most of it from the original LAGLAM drafts and instead just alluded to it, but things are going to be different in FWWL. Get ready for crappy ocean metaphors and religious imagery, babes!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not :( That would stink

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I think it would be fun!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Everlark! (said while frothing at the mouth because they make me go insane) I've been obsessed with them since I first read The Hunger Games at age 9. I could write you a whole novel about why I think they're perfect together, but I'll spare you the ramble (unless anyone wants it?)

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Tears in my eyes when I tell you that it's probably the requests in my inbox. I keep telling myself that I'll get to them, but I've just felt unmotivated with all the stuff I've had going on in my personal life/at school. I really really do hope to get to them someday, though, because some of them will be really fun to write

What are your writing strengths?

I have no clue, lol. I tend to get compliments about how I describe settings, so I'm gonna say that!

What are your writing weaknesses?

My abuse of commas and italics.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Personally, I love doing it. Especially in a fic like LAGLAM, where even though most people don't speak the language I'm using (Cherokee), I feel like they can still see the importance to the characters and to the story. And I like tricking people into caring about Indigenous language preservation. My teachers told me that anything can be a vessel for carrying language on, and by God, I took that to heart

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Oh boy. I was in the fifth grade. I had won many writing competitions. Two classmates approached me and told me that they wished The Hunger Games had more post-Mockingjay Everlark content, and that since I was a good writer, they wanted me to write it. I was traded many cosmic brownies and other such snacks throughout the year for my services in providing my classmates with Everlark fics on pages of notebook paper that are probably crumpled up in a landfill by now. At the time, I had no idea I was writing fanfiction, but it was the start of my favorite hobby. Look at me now, baby!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I've always wanted to write for TURN: Washington's Spies but have never had the courage haha

What's your favorite fic you've written?

I have a couple of one-shots that I'm pretty pleased with, but currently I'm going to say LAGLAM because it's been so special to me <3

Tagging (but no pressure!): @almost-a-class-act @latibvles @footprintsinthesxnd @liebgotts-lovergirl

#thank you for tagging me :)#ask game #about the author

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girlwithherheadinthestars · 4 months

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tips for editing novels i wrote instead of editing

these are mainly targeted to people who find it hard to focus on editing (like yours truly) but really helps for anyone.

work section by section. i started doing this and it wasn't working because i kept reading on to the section after instead of focusing on editing the one section so what i did is copy paste the section (each should be no more than like 1000 words) onto another document and work on it there. read it over and over again until it sounds the way you want it to sound that copy paste it onto the other document and move on to the next section.

sit somewhere quiet. absolutely quiet.

no music.

turn off the wifi on your phone and on your laptop.

to get the emotion right in a scene, listen to music that embodies it. can't catch me now (olivia rodrigo) and east of eden (zella day) are what i'm listening to right now. of course, i can't write and listen to music at the same time because that's the kind of person i am but before you start writing, listen to the music and really get in the feels because emotion is what drives a story forward more than plot

i actually saw an author say this, i can't remember who, but it's good to have a song that evokes emotion so you can write the emotion properly

THESAURUSES. lifesavers. i can't come up with the perfect word to describe something because i have poor memory but the thesaurus always remembers (am i even spelling it right?)

drink water. (now. stand up. if you don't istg i'll find you.)

change the cliches. don't say it was a dark and stormy night. say it was a starless night that smothered even the smallest lamp lit in the little window of a small store at the edge of the abandoned town.

don't tell me what happened, tell me how it felt. it was not cold. her nose stung and her fingernails turned blue, she stamped her feet to keep warm, she shivered despite herself, her teeth chattering.

i think the trick is to search for every time you used the word 'was' and change it to a feeling

read aloud. do impressions. make your annoying character sound like your social studies teacher from 11th grade. have fun with it. just make sure the dialogue doesn't sound stiff and make sure the sentences flow well.

as a rule, shorter sentences flow better and are easier to understand

add more internal monologue, have your character try to reason things in their heads, don't have them just observe what's happening.

this is something i struggle with but if you have a mystery with a grand reveal in the end, keep track of what your readers know and don't know. reveal tiny clues that only fit when you finally see the full picture. be as evil with it as you want.

for motivation, reread your favorite scene (mine is the mc and love interest being adorable)

also, imagine the book being published. who would you dedicate it to? how many people would make tumblr posts analyzing it, how many people would make memes, who would the fandom ship?

finally, unrelated to editing, but if you must kill off characters, don't do it just because you want something dramatic and you need the plot to move forward, only do it for two reasons:

a) it completes the character's arc (i.e. they were afraid of death but when someone they truly loved was in danger they jumped in front of a bullet to save them)

b) they're going to come back to life later as a metaphor for phoenixes rising or something

personally, my favorite thing to do is to leave the death ambiguous. no one will know if the character really died or not (not even me)

#editing #advice #writeblr #creative writing #writing community #writers of tumblr #writing advice #editing advice #writing tips #social studies teacher from 11th grade is the most traumatic human being let me tell you --

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sitp-recs · 1 year

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Hi Liv, thank you for all your wonderful recs! I was wondering about your favourite fics written in the present tense, if you have any x

Hi anon, that’s such an interesting ask! Present tense can be really cool especially for case fics, I love how immersive and urgent they get. The funny thing is that I hadn’t realized how many of my personal favourites are actually written in the present tense until I made this list, you’ve probably seen me reccing all of these before 😂 happy readings!

Mortal Frame by @tackytigerfic (M, 6.6k)

Draco’s on a mission, and this time it's personal. But it's not easy to track down something that no one wants to talk about, especially when Harry Potter keeps popping up everywhere Draco goes. Though at least he’s on Draco’s side this time, and if he happens to be useful, and kind, and great in bed—well, Draco’s not exactly complaining.

An Emerald In The Sky by corvuscrowned (M, 6.6k)

The hardest part about shagging an Unspeakable is that they’re not allowed to speak of anything. All Draco knows is that Harry works in Time. Harry works in Time, and while he’s out there in all of that time, it is as unforgiving to him as it is to anyone.

Nothing Left to Burn by @skeptiquewrites (E, 10k)

Over ten years after their fling crashed and burned, Harry runs into Draco and finds embers still burning bright. Sometimes your ex-lover is (metaphorically) dead. And sometimes it's summertime in Montreal and the past won't let go.

How We Throw Our Shadows Down by thistle_verse (T, 14k)

Draco has finally found the perfect, rare piece to complete his collection. The only problem is that the item belongs to Harry Potter, the last wizard on earth Draco wants to ask another favour from.

With Hands Full of Dusk by corvuscrowned (E, 15k)

Harry thought he'd found what he was searching for after the war. But as the quiet life he's earned begins to unravel at the seams, he finds himself searching instead for an elusive, mythical creature found only in lore and legend - with none other than Draco Malfoy as his companion.

White as Snow by bixgirl1 (E, 19k)

After a quick escape from danger, Harry and Draco find themselves trapped in a blizzard, a small cabin their only refuge from the storm. It's the perfect place to recover and regroup — and to have a long-overdue conversation or two.

Vale Sanare by RurouniHime (M, 23k)

Draco’s world gains a new component just when he thought he’d sorted everything out.

Waiting By An Open Door by Femme and noeon (E, 29k)

Draco starts following Potterwatch secretly during the War. He wishes Potter would come save him too. But that sort of thing only happens in fairy tales, and Malfoys don't get fairy tale endings, do they?

Open For Repairs by @drarrytrash (M, 35k)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things.

In The Red by bixgirl1 (E, 45k)

When Harry goes looking for a vampire at a Creature club, the second-to-last thing Harry expects is to find Malfoy working there.

Turn From Stone by @harryromper (M, 45k)

Harry knows there’s nothing he can do to stop Hermione (war hero, historian, author of the reissued “Hogwarts: A History”) once she sets her mind to something. Even an extremely risky last-ditch effort to restore the ancient castle and lay its newest ghosts to rest. What he wasn’t counting on was her insistence that Draco Malfoy be part of the plan.

Little Compton Street (One Rainy Night in Soho) by @writcraft (E, 65k)

Draco is lonely, Harry hates the press and it won’t stop raining in London. Harry discovers a magical street that’s close to disappearing forever and Draco realises he’s one rainy night in Soho away from finding everything he’s been searching for.

Who we are in the shadows by @quicksilvermaid (E, 100k)

What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life.

A Sword Laid Aside by korlaena (E, 128k)

When Draco’s cover is blown during a deep undercover operation and the Ministry is compromised, Ron takes Draco to the only safe place he can think of—Potter. Hiding out with a taciturn Harry Potter, who has been missing from the Wizarding World for almost two decades after a shocking fall from grace, is nothing like Draco thought it would be.

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym (M, 131k)

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

#asks #anon #Drarry reclist #fics in present tense #Sitp faves

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nancydrewwouldnever · 1 year

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The Infamous Jenny Vulture Interview

So, I keep losing access to the infamous Jenny Vulture interview from March 2017 because of caps on access they have on their website. So, in case anyone else hits the same problem, I'm cut and pasting it here, to have an easier to access copy of it.

The Year of Living Publicly

Jenny Slate’s got two new films and a new home and, oh, by the way, she’s fresh off a breakup with Captain America.

By Jasa Yuan

Published March 2017

Most pillows are just pillows, but for Jenny Slate, the floral-print puffs arrayed on her pristine white linen couch in her freshly rented apartment in L.A.’s Silver Lake are metaphors. For a bright future. For a new life. For freedom. The Obvious Child star and her bichon frise, Reggie, just moved into this sunny one-bedroom in February, and every time she looks at those pillows, she gets so excited because she remembers how she’d bought them while still married to editor-director Dean Fleischer-Camp, her husband for three years, but had to stow them away because she realized it felt like they were living in a box of tampons. Now she and Reggie don’t have to run their decorating decisions by anyone. “I’ve never lived on my own, because I really did go from one relationship to another my whole life, so I’ve never had a chance to go really girlie,” she says. “And I had my ex-husband over last night and he was like, ‘These flower pillows look great. But they’re just for you.’ I’m like, ‘Yeah! That’s right!’ I love them so much. I just love them for what they represent, which is that all my choices are for me.” She turns around. “I’m gonna pee really quick.”

The bathroom door doesn’t quite close — she’d warned me of this. “You can snoop around if you want,” she shouts. “It’s just a little mouse house. It’s fucking perfect for me.”

I have been in her presence for about two minutes. The first thing she did was offer to loan me a T-shirt because I mentioned I was hot. Slate used to do a stand-up routine about how her mom refused to sew her name into her shirt in elementary school, “because she was like, ‘You’re too friendly, and some stranger would just be like, Jenny! Come into the van!’ ”

There’s an obvious person missing so far from this tale of pillows versus patriarchy, but she’s not hiding anything; we just haven’t gotten to it yet. “When I moved in here, I’d been through my divorce and a breakup,” she says, returning from the bathroom and referring to the ten or so months she spent dating Chris Evans, best known as Captain America, and her much more famous co-star in Gifted an upcoming film about a family struggling with a young girl’s genius affinity for math. The internet went wild over their apples-and-oranges compatibility: a brash Jewish comedienne beloved for oversharing about her bodily functions on talk shows and voicing Marcel the Shell With Shoes On, a tiny stop-motion conch with a single eye and feet who talks about being so small he can hang-glide on a Dorito, in a series of YouTube shorts she made with Fleischer-Camp — and a world-famous Marvel superhero, who also happens to be a Massachusetts momma’s boy with one of the most insanely ripped bodies on the planet. “We used to talk about what kinds of animals we were,” says Slate. “Chris said it’s like I’m a chick riding on a St. Bernard’s head. We’re an odd match.”

Paparazzi tried to snap them, bloggers scrutinized their Instagrams, tabloids obsessively covered their one appearance together on a red carpet. Slate didn’t read the coverage, but it was extremely kind, with most articles praising Slate for taking a chance on Evans, or noting that his coolness factor had jumped several notches because of his proximity to her. Maybe this crazy thing could work out! There was something beautiful, in a year marked by division, to think of these two opposites finding common ground. He was 35; she was 34. They’d grown up half an hour from each other. They were both outspoken liberals. They’d said really adorable things about each other on Anna Faris’s podcast.

And then, a few weeks before I met Slate, news broke that it was over. In her life, though, she’d already spent several months dealing with that loss and having to find a place to live, crashing with friends in Venice Beach in January. “I watched You’ve Got Mail so many times, it was unbelievable,” she says. Was she weeping most of the time? “Yeah, I did it right.” Eventually, she found this new apartment and purged everything she owned except for a few clothes she loves, books, precious objects, and a velvet chair once belonging to her great-grandmother. “I was like, ‘You need all new things. You are a working woman. Maybe this is an indulgence, but just start over,’ ” she says. “It’s like, Fuck.”

The other night, she tells me, she was sitting at a bar by herself, reading a book about the Holocaust, and finally sent an SOS text to her friend Mae Whitman. “I was just like, ‘Can you please help me? I’m so lonely.’ And she came and we got shitbombed, and I woke up the next morning and saw my headphones on my neighbor’s yard. I have no idea how they ended up there.”

As Slate gives me the tour of her place, Reggie trails her every move. “He’s like a little soul mirror of me. We’re a lot the same,” she says. How so? “Needing closeness. Despair when left alone. But also he’s very excited to misbehave when left alone. So he doesn’t know what he wants.”

Ever since she was a pip-squeak at Camp Tapawingo in Sweden, Maine, Slate has known what she wanted to be: an actress, like Amy Irving or Gilda Radner or Madeline Kahn. That or “Jewish Felicity,” taking over Manhattan, like in the TV show. In the aughts, she came up in the alternative-stand-up-comedy scene in New York, where she garnered attention for a one-woman show as different characters eulogizing an eccentric millionaire, got cast on Saturday Night Live, and wasfired one season in after accidentally cursing on-air in her first sketch. That ego blow hurt a little less when she made the awards-circuit rounds for Obvious Child, a low-budget romantic comedy about two people navigating an abortion after a one-night stand, and she’s built a devoted fan base through her outrageous characters on the Kroll Show and Parks and Recreation, not to mention her great voice work with Marcel, Bob’s Burgers, The Secret Life of Pets (as an anxious Pomeranian), and Zootopia (as a villainous sheep). In 2012, she relocated from Brooklyn to L.A. Her relationship with Evans is easily the most Hollywood thing she’s ever done. She shows me a photo of her aura on her fridge, taken in New York’s Chinatown. There’s a thick concentration of “productive energy,” which is good, since she has a lot of work coming up, and a giant cloud of worry and overthinking, which seems to be dissipating. By the sink are potholders she made as a kid on a little loom and a drawing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg that Fleischer-Camp brought her as a housewarming gift. “We’re good friends. That’s why we got divorced,” says Slate. “If we didn’t get divorced, we wouldn’t be able to be friends and we wouldn’t be able to do our work. We had just grown apart, and we love each other. It wasn’t easy, but not bad.” She pauses. “No, it was bad. But not essentially bad.”

Her mother, a ceramicist, and father, a lauded poet, are still married; she wrote a book about her childhood home in Massachusetts with her dad this year. Her younger sister, Stacey, a mental-health counselor in Brooklyn, had come over on the previous weekend and helped her put up pictures. (Her elder sister, Abby, is a nurse-practitioner in Massachusetts, and Slate is convinced her middle-child need for attention is what nudged her toward showbiz.) Covering the top of her dresser are snapshots she hasn’t figured out what to do with, such as the one of her in a revealing tank top at Columbia University, where she went from high-school valedictorian to pothead almost instantly. “This is me when I was a slutty virgin,” she explains. “A virgin but trying to act like I knew what was going on.”

Somewhere beneath a pile of half-read books is her bedside table. She hates computers so much she doesn’t keep one in the house, and she often turns to books when scrolling through Twitter on her phone stresses her out, which it always does. Current favorites include The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis, Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, and Emma, a children’s book with Barbara Cooney illustrations that she bought on Etsy and loves so much she put it on display so she could see it when she wakes up. “It’s about an old woman who doesn’t love how she’s alone, and then learns to make herself not alone through art, and draws people into her life through art. It’s the fucking best thing.”

The instinct other young actresses have to keep every interesting thing about themselves under wraps — or the toughness that female comics often give off — wouldn’t be very useful in Slate’s case. Her brand, if you can call it that, is built on vulnerability, whether she’s revealing her innermost insecurities through an animated shell or telling Seth Meyers on TV that she was so stoned in college she accidentally signed up for an astronomy class thinking she’d learn about astrology. Not to mention that she and Evans met while playing love interests in a movie that is now coming out and that she needs to promote. That’s hard to get around.

“I don’t mind talking about him at all. He’s a lovely person,” she says. “I don’t know. It feels like such a huge thing. Last year was a giant, big year for my heart. I’ve never, ever thought to keep anything private because that’s not really what I’m like, and now I’m learning those things, and they’re weird, kind of demented lessons to learn.”

She didn’t set out to have a tabloid-fodder romance. She’d fought hard for her part in Gifted, as a teacher who falls for Evans’s character, a working-class guy trying to give his prodigy niece (Mckenna Grace) a normal childhood. Slate’s part is not huge, but it’s a big studio picture. It got her in the room with director Marc Webb and Fox Searchlight. She liked the script, but more than that, “I was just like, ‘I want viability as an American film actress. I want to find my own seat at the main dinner table, because I want to do this forever, and I want to show that it doesn’t always have to be a bikini model opposite Captain America.’ ”

Evans and Slate met at her chemistry read — the audition in which it’s determined whether two romantic leads play well together — and they instantly got along. “I remember him saying to me, ‘You’re going to be one of my closest friends.’ I was just like, ‘Man, I fucking hope this isn’t a lie, because I’m going to be devastated if this guy isn’t my friend.’ ” The first time they went out to dinner, as co-workers getting to know each other, she remembers insisting they split the bill over Evans’s strenuous objections. “If you take away my preferences, you take away my freedom,” she says she told him. “Then I was like, Oh, man, is this dude going to be like, ‘Ugh, this bra-burner.’ Instead, he was like, ‘Tell me more.’ ” They drew from that friendship for their flirting on film, but the time when they jump into bed together in the movie felt as awkward as you hear all love scenes do. “It’s one of those scenes where you bust through a door making out. I’ve never done that in my life,” says Slate. “I remember apologizing to him after. I’m pretty sure I kneed him in the balls.”

Slate was in a weird space at the time. Her marriage was dissolving, and she was working only two or three days a week, and spending her days off wandering around Savannah’s many parks and doing yoga and writing that book, About the House, with her dad. (Which, incidentally, the publisher gave away free with any donation to any charity.) Every weekend, Evans would organize a game night for the cast and crew — usually something called “running charades,” which sounds like high-speed pantomime — that she begrudgingly went to, even though all she wanted to do was hang out on the porch and drink beer and smoke cigarettes. “At first I was like, ‘What a fucking nightmare,’ ” she says. “Chris is a different speed than me — I think he really did just jump out of a plane for an interview. And so when he was like, ‘Game nights,’ I was like, ‘This is annoying. This guy’s like a sports guy. He’s the kid that likes P.E.’ ” But finally his enthusiasm won her over. “I first really liked Chris as a person because he is so unpretentious,” she says. “He is a straight-up 35-year-old man who wants to play games. That’s it. I was like, ‘I’d better not discount this, because this is purity.’ ” It also helped that she’s so competitive she constantly won.

As they got to know each other, she learned he’s still close with people from his childhood, and his best friend is a woman. “What’s the same about us is not just that we’re from Massachusetts, which was such a delight, but Chris is truly one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, to the point where sometimes I would look at him and it would kind of break my heart,” she says. “He’s really vulnerable, and he’s really straightforward. He’s like primary colors. He has beautiful, big, strong emotions, and he’s really sure of them. It’s just wonderful to be around. His heart is probably golden-colored, if you could paint it.”

They didn’t fall for each other on set. “To be quite honest, I didn’t think I was his type,” she says. (Evans has dated Jessica Biel and Minka Kelly). “Eventually, when it was like, Oh, you have these feelings for me?, I was looking around like, Is this a prank? I mean, I understand why I think I’m beautiful, but if you’ve had a certain lifestyle and I’m a very, very different type of person — I don’t want to be an experiment.” Evans never made her feel that way, but it was hard to get past how so many people seemed to feel some ownership of him and view her as an interloper. “If you are a woman who really cares about her freedom, her rights, her sense of being an individual, it is confusing to go out with one of the most objectified people in the entire world,” she says. Especially when she’s aware that in Hollywood, she says, “I’m considered some sort of alternative option, even though I know I’m a majorly vibrant sexual being.” And especially when random ladies would come up to her at CVS, “being like, ‘Oh my God, is that Chris Evans? He’s so hot!’ You’re like, ‘How dare you? That’s my boyfriend. But yes, he’s so hot.’ ”

Every time Slate mentions Evans, it keeps coming back to the same thing: As much as they loved being with one another, she says, “we’re really, really different,” with different social circles and different lifestyles. Slate comes from a DIY comedy scene, and most of her friends are fellow comics and gay guys. “Chris is a very, very famous person,” she says. “For him to go to a restaurant is totally different than for me to go. I sit in my window and I say ‘Hi’ to people on the street. I have more freedom because I’m not Captain America. I’m mostly a cartoon.” She kept waiting for everything to feel normal, but it never did. “This is what I needed to do to feel normal. To be alone.”

That meant day-to-day they mostly stayed home, “which was really nice,” she says. But it was also one of the most anxious years of her life. She fretted over the “psychos” on the internet who turned her relationship with Evans into a pissing contest with Fleischer-Camp. And she struggled seeing the person she was in love with deal with the side-effects of fame. “The stress that I saw him be put under, I’ve never seen that before, and he handled that really gracefully,” she says. What she wasn’t taking into account was that he’s used to it. “He’s not stressed,” she says. “I was the person that was stressed.”

She’s also aware in hindsight that she hadn’t processed her separation before she got together with Evans. It wasn’t as scandalous as tabloid reports made it sound — as with any long-term relationship that splinters, they’d been on the rocks long before it was official. But, she says, “When Chris and I started dating, my husband and I had only been separated for a couple of months.” The divorce actually went through while she was at the Sundance Film Festival, after she and Evans broke up. “Even though we had an amicable divorce, I think that’s still something that you need to mourn. When you get separated from somebody that you actually care about, it is the destruction of a belief system. That is really, really sad.” Throughout all of it, the divorce, the new love, she says, “I just didn’t have the tools. And I didn’t think very hard about that, to be honest. I wanted to step into the light. Chris is a sunny, loving, really fun person, and I didn’t really understand why I should be prudent.”

Are she and Evans on good terms? “We’re not on bad terms, but we haven’t really seen each other, spoken a lot,” she says. “I think it’s probably best. I’d love to be his friend one day, but we threw down pretty hard. No regrets, though. Ever.”

Slate introduces me to the mascots of her new home, two cute mice figurines in jaunty outfits who look like they’re off to travel the world. “The way I feel now is I’ve stepped out of the woods and I’m a forest animal and I’m standing on the lawn,” she says. “And if anybody tried to approach me right now, they’re seeing a creature that’s just trying to figure out what the lawn is like. All I’m thinking about is the lawn. I’m not thinking about whether or not they are going to be a fun person to be on the lawn with, because I am just trying to be on the lawn.” And what or where is this lawn? “It’s just where I am,” she says. “I like the lawn. It’s filled with air, freedom, sunlight, and I’m alone.”

Slate wants to step out in the sunlight now, with a walk around the Silver Lake Reservoir. She bids good-bye to Reggie and turns on the TV to keep him company. “I watch Twin Peaks, but Reggie watches Frasier,” she says. That morning, while Slate was walking him, a woman got out of her car and stopped in her tracks. “She was like, ‘Oh, are you Jenny Slate?’ And I said, ‘I am.’ And she said something nice to me and I said, ‘Thank you so much. I need a lot of encouragement,’ which is usually what I say because it’s true.”

Dating Evans actually, weirdly, spurred her to double down on her career, because, she says, “I don’t want people to ask me more about my love life because of him than they ask me about my work,” and in order to ensure that, she’d have to produce a lot of work. She does stand-up in small clubs whenever possible and had two films at Sundance this January, just as the paperwork for her divorce came through: The Polka King, the true story of a polka-world Ponzi scheme, opposite Jack Black; and Landline, a story of two Jewish-Italian sisters and their parents having life and love crises in ’90s New York City, with Obvious Child creators Gillian Robespierre and Elisabeth Holm (out July 21). Soon she’ll be heading to Vancouver for a road-trip movie with Evan Rachel Wood, Alison Pill, and Cynthia Erivo, which is also Wood’s directorial debut. She and Fleischer-Camp are also at work on a feature-length Marcel the Shell movie, which she says will be “a character portrait much like Billy the Kid or Grey Gardens.”

Today, she’s leaning in to International Women’s Day by wearing a sundress covered in red roses and made by a company, Day Space Night, that’s run by women. She even canceled her one meeting with a man, an appearance on Snoop Dogg’s podcast, so she could have an entirely penis-free day. And she’s planning on ending the day by going with her girlfriends to a 90-minute seminar on fertility and reproductive rights.

A vocal supporter of Planned Parenthood, Slate credits Obvious Child not just for allowing her to prove she’s a legitimate actress, but also for turning her into a women’s rights activist. Back when she signed on, she says, “I still felt embarrassed of the word feminist.” Then one day discussing a costume fitting with co-star Gaby Hoffmann, Slate jokingly apologized for showing up with “crazy bush,” she says. “And Gaby did not take it as a joke. She was really serious and she looked at me and she was like, ‘I didn’t know we were supposed to apologize for that.’ I was like, Oh, I’m being a fool. I need to learn this shit right now.”

And now that she’s got a financial cushion from Zootopia and Secret Life of Pets, she can act on what she’s learned and say “no” more often. Specifically, she’s drawing the line at any movie that, she says, “makes it okay to laugh about things like women’s bodies after birth, like when women who’ve just had babies are referring to their vaginas as all ruined. I think it’s really rude for someone to disparage a vagina in the female body after it’s just fucking created and exploded a baby into our world. It makes me furious and I will not change my opinion on that.”

Also a no-go are any roles she’s offered that “seem like a weird stereotype version of me. Like Quirky Best Friend: ‘She doesn’t have a filter! She talks about poop!’ ” She thinks it’s worth it to hold out for roles with nuance, that will allow her to lean into humor and tragedy equally, and get to the heart of the human condition. In the meantime, she has plenty of personal-growth goals. She wants to learn Norwegian this summer. She wants to spend time with her family on Martha’s Vineyard. And she wants to find a farm she can help on so she can be around animals.

Eventually, she’ll try dating again, too. “I am inclined toward partnership,” she says. “I’m like a mallard, definitely looking for my other duck. But I’ve been in love in very strong ways enough times now that there are just some compromises maybe I won’t make.” He has to know who Gloria Steinem is, for one thing. She’s thinking maybe a scientist with a sense of humor. But definitely someone who’s sure enough in who he is to accept that she’s had a past without him. “Whoever is the next person is going to have to respect that I had a husband who I loved and this boyfriend who I loved so much, and I don’t want to have to act like they weren’t important.”

We’re back at the apartment and Slate is overjoyed that Reggie hasn’t peed on anything. Speaking of pasts, she’ll also soon be hitting the press tour for Gifted with Evans. “I feel pretty relaxed about it right now,” she says, sounding not entirely convincing. “That’s because I know Chris and he’s a very nice man. And we’ve gone into our separate lives. But that doesn’t also mean that I’m going to sleep well the night before, you know?”

First, she’s taking her parents to Cabo San Lucas to celebrate her 35th birthday. I suddenly have a horror flashback to a similar trip to Cabo I took years ago and warn her not to drink the water or brush her teeth with it, or to have ice or eat anything raw, or maybe to eat anything at all.

“Oh God,” she says, laughing, “having raging diarrhea is just a real on-brand nightmare for me.”

She thinks for a second. “But, you know, it would be such an icebreaker. If I showed up with, like, a spray tan and a blowout, he’d be like, ‘What happened to Jenny?’ But if I was able to say, ‘Aw, man, I have diarrhea,’ he’d be like, ‘It’s you. I remember you.’ ”

*This article appears in the March 20, 2017, issue of New York Magazine.

#interview #JS #JS round one #2017 #JS Vulture interview

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pastafossa · 2 years

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Hello Pasta! I'm wanting to get into writing fanfiction. I'm having a hard time getting started and not feeling embarrassed at the idea of posting it. I don't really know where to start or how. I have adhd, so motivation and not getting distracted like a cat are not my strong suits. Any tips and suggestions on getting started?

As a writer with severe and currently untreated ADHD whose brain will happily chase leaves down the street when I should be doing something important, I feel you, anon. I'm happy to give tips and suggestions!

So the feeling embarrassed is, imo, the hardest part to overcome in the beginning. It is your biggest wall. The lingering cultural stigma against fanfic certainly doesn't help. But the good news is, I don't know anyone who wasn't nervous and embarrassed the first time around. It's normal. And half of it is... literally just about Trying To Do The New Thing. Nobody wants to be 'bad' at something, and unless someone's a prodigy, their early stuff won't be perfect in the same way that the first time someone tries to paint a picture, it's usually pretty wonky. The difference between trying the new thing or walking away, is whether or not you see it as a learning experience. If you're learning, you're allowed to make mistakes. I've used the gaming metaphor before because it works: consider yourself a level 1 writer. Your armor is mismatched. Your sword is blunt. Your only hope of leveling up is stabbing rats for 6 hours. And that's ok, because everyone starts at level 1. Even me! My early stuff was riddled with mistakes, wonky phrasing, awkward structuring, and garbled plotlines, because I'd never tried to write before. So grasp onto your sword, and remind yourself that it's ok to make mistakes.

To fight the cultural stigma embarrassment, take a look at the List of Star Trek novels list. It's a mile long. Try scrolling through; it'll take a while. You know what all that is? That's fanfiction. It's fic, written by people who love the universe and want to tell more stories inside that verse. Paradise Lost? Bible fanfic. Shakespeare's Julius Caesar? RPF. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? AU fanfic. So much in the world is fanfic, and you're allowed to write it, just like everyone else.

For how to start, I'd advise looking at prompt or trope lists and choosing one you love! Something that sparks your creativity, whether that's the Cuddle for Warmth trope or a Snowball Fight prompt! The key is choosing something nice and concise when you're starting, since ideas like those are easier both to start and to finish. As you learn, you'll get the hang of longer works, but short helps so much in the beginning, especially when you're trying to keep your ADHD motivation going long enough to get it done.

Speaking of beginnings - a lot of writers get stuck on beginnings. And that's fair, because sometimes beginnings are boring and unnecessary. Some good advice I got? Consider starting in the middle! If we use, say, the Snowball Fight prompt, then there's no reason to start with Character A waking up and seeing the snow and getting dressed. Try jumping right to the fun part: them out in the snow, walking with Character B, and both of them now in the perfect position for banter to morph into the snowball fight itself.

If you're unsure how to literally make a paragraph happen, sometimes what you can do (and what I still sometimes do!) is essentially start with listing what needs to happen in that paragraph: 'Jane picks up a snowball. Jane squints at Matt. Jane throws snowball at his face.' Once you've written everything out (the whole fic), come back and add details paragraph by paragraph: sensory info, more specific words, adjectives. Which is how the paragraph becomes something like, 'Jane quietly scooped up a handful of glittering snow, narrowing her eyes at Matt in thought for only a brief second before rearing back and launching it at his face.' This is also essentially what my editing process looks like (which some people noticed when I accidentally left an unedited paragraph right above the edited paragraph in one chapter of TRT!). You can literally go through this process for the entire fic, starting with an outline (basic list of events) which you then break down into basic sentences (rough paragraphs) and then go back in and add details (editing process discussed above).

ADHD tip - distractions: first, have an area you devote to writing. Try to write there as often as you can, and make it a happy space! Your brain needs to learn this is the 'writing area' so it knows exactly what to do when you sit down. Make sure you have what you need nearby so you don't have to wander off - I have everything from hand lotion, a candle, chapstick, tissues, water, and fidget toys nearby. Consider using something like noise canceling headphones - I have a pair I use to block out sounds and play my TRT playlist for me while I write, so it's harder to get distracted by outside noise.

ADHD tip - fidgeting: I often reward my brain for every hour of writing by getting up to move around, stretch out. Sometimes I walk some loops around the house, or I go outside and chase the dog a little, hug a tree, the usual 'YAY NEW STIMULI' for my brain. I've found giving myself those regular moments of activity helps a huge amount.

Alternatively, if you're hyperfixating on writing, ride that train to the fucking end of the line. This is one of our strong points as writers. It won't happen every time, and you cannot rely on it occurring, but sometimes you reach this magical space where all else falls away. I've had nights where I fell into that mindset and pumped out 15k words in one long session (keep snacks and water nearby, otherwise you will forget to eat or drink - I've gone roughly 6-7 hours without eating or drinking before while in The Zone).

I drink a shit-ton of caffeine to make my brain go zoom, do with that what you will.

So your mileage may vary, but this generally works for both ADHDers and non-ADHDers: training your brain to focus on writing is essentially like training for a marathon. If you try to run a 50k on day one? You're fucked. Start with a goal of small word counts for each writing session. If you go longer? Great! But smaller goals in the beginning that are manageable are more useful. Instead of saying, 'I AM GOING TO WRITE 10K WORDS THIS WEEK/TODAY!', try, 'Every day I write 200 words.' Cause 200 words? You can do that! That's small! Enjoy your success and reward yourself, give your brain that sweet sweet dopamine reward at hitting that word goal. And as you go, and regularly start meeting that goal, you can consider adding a little more, bit by bit, but try to keep your goal achievable. Because writing a little is always better than writing nothing.

And above all... be kind to yourself. There's always someone out there who wants to read your story, no matter what that looks like.

I hope these tips help! It's definitely a challenge even for non-ADHDers to get into writing, and adding our unique brains into the mix can get a little wild, but it's definitely doable, and it's absolutely worth the effort to see if writing fic is something you want to do.

#ask response #writing tips #writing advice #adhd writing tips #writing #writing fanfic #fanfic tips #my brain is a massive tangled snarl of adhd impulses so I'm especially happy to give any advice #that might help you write!#everything is fanfic so don't be embarrassed #everything is inspired by something #unless you are a time traveler who is also a cave person who was the first person to paint some story pictures on a wall somewhere #everything after that was just fanfic

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thegirl20 · 2 years

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Wow. Lot of feelings about the KCFH finale, eh? Here are mine, for what they are worth.

Okay, let’s address the biggie straight away. I was telling myself all week that it would be fine if they didn’t kiss and they didn’t need to kiss for me to know that their love story was the thread that tied everything together. (All the while secretly hoping they’d kiss and fearing I’d be devastated if they didn’t.) What surprised me was that I was right and that they didn’t need to kiss and I wasn’t devastated. They have all the time in the world now to have fun, explore their feelings, and develop a relationship that’s not in the shadow of abuse and mistreatment. Where they’re both sure they’re not running away from anything else, but running to each other on purpose.

I absolutely loved that Patty broke up with Tammy and told Neil to leave before she knew Allison was back. Patty finally made choices for herself, for her own happiness, independent from Allison. She decided Diane was wrong, and not wanting to be alone isn’t the same as wanting to be with someone if that someone isn’t right.

Both Tammy and Neil ask her what she wants, and she doesn’t really have an answer other than ‘not this’. And that’s okay. Because I feel like Patty is only just learning to even examine the part of her that might want something more or different.

In the early eps, she said that pretending things will change is how they sell washing machines. When Allison asks her if she wants more, she says ‘Everybody knows what their life will look like in 10...20 years’ but she stumbles over the 20, like she’s hearing that number and realising what it means. 20 years of being with those stupid boys doing their stupid things.

Sam tells her that people don’t change (they made Sam a bit one-dimensional for my liking, but that’s a small gripe) and she says that Allison has changed. Allison took action and made something happen. And Patty can too.

I understand, and I want you to be happy. But I can’t uproot my life just to make you happy.

That’s such a big step for Patty, who spent her life doing things with the guys she didn’t particularly like. Or tried to like things Tammy wanted her to like. Patty is going to be happy on her own terms now, and that feels so cathartic to me. Patty is ready to live her life now, and she did that by herself, without anyone needing to ‘save’ her. She saved herself, and now she can die alone with Allison however she wants to.

And Allison. Allison did exactly what Patty said she couldn’t do for Tammy. She uprooted her life to make Patty happy. It didn’t work, obviously, and she learns that for sure when Tammy shows up talking about her acting like a widow waiting for her dead husband to return from sea.

Allison tried to run away from her life, to achieve the life she thought she wanted - the idyllic little town with a nice job, time to read with a cup of tea, a 'friend’ with a brother who is actually useful. But everything feels off. She’s palpably uncomfortable in every scene we see her in. She can’t settle, she can’t relax. Her sense of humour is too dark for the new friend. The new apartment isn’t perfect. (Not sure what the open window metaphor was - that she couldn’t completely close off the window to her old life?)

And it all comes back to what she thinks she ‘deserves’. She doesn’t deserve to go back to Worcester. When the new friend scoffs at this idea, it’s clear to us that it’s not the city Allison thinks she doesn’t deserve, but Patty. She’s drinking beer, she’s playing with Patty’s lighter, she’s homesick. She’s not homesick for her house, or Kevin, or her job. There’s only one reason that we know of that she wanted to stay in Worcester. And only one reason that would draw her back.

And to go back, she needs to address her problems directly. And that means confronting Kevin. I have to admit I was dreading seeing Kevin in the real world. The lighting and camera work were creeping towards it all the way through this episode and I was really scared of what would happen. When the audience gasped and then cheered for Allison, and that was the turning point, that was really effective. As soon as he’s not being seen in the right light by the outside world, as soon as she’s making him look bad, he turns.

It was really unsettling to see him angry, and swearing. To see his facade drop so completely and for it to be clear that he was very aware of the impact of his behaviour, and that it was intentional and malicious.

(Interestingly, Eric Petersen talks in this interview about how the small audience they got in to react to the sitcom, who weren’t seeing the drama bits, were on Kevin’s side by the end of the first season stuff. That kills my soul, but doesn’t surprise me all that much.)

Allison walking out of that house has as much power as any scheme to kill Kevin, or fake her own death. She took back her agency, did a frightening thing, and came out the other side. Like Patty, she took action and made a change to her life so that she could live it the way she wanted. And I am happy for her.

I feel like it’s obvious they thought they would have more time to tell this story, For me, Allison’s decision to return could have been explored a little more. I think we saw more of Patty’s process to get to where she wanted to be, which was easier to do because Patty had people to talk to and react to, whereas Allison had nobody. But a bit more time spent on probably all of the elements in the finale would have been of benefit.

(That said, I wouldn’t have wanted a season 3 that was just Allison being isolated and uncomfortable for multiple episodes. The core of the whole show is Allison and Patty’s relationship and I did miss them being in close proximity in this episode, even if everything they did was laden with their feelings about the other. So multiple episodes of that wouldn’t have been fun.)

And it all ended where it began. On the charred remnants of the porch where Patty and Allison first realised they liked talking to each other. Through domestic abuse, drug dealing, attempted murder, cop girlfriends, high school boyfriends, fake deaths and real deaths, they ended up where they needed to be - with each other.

I get why people wanted them to kiss, I really do. But I feel like we saw them getting to the starting point. What they do from here is up to them - for the first time, truly up to them.

(This got way too long but I forgot to mention above that my favourite bit of the episode was Patty telling Sam that Allison is her favourite person. Patty who is so guarded with her feelings just put that out there into the world because some things are too big to keep inside.)

#this turned out longer than i expected #allison x patty #kevin can fuck himself

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ignitesthestxrs · 7 months

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Ssince your askbox is open: give us an update on life? You moved out some time ago to your first place if I remember correctly, how’s it going? What ya up to? You like your job?

wah this is cute anon, thank you! and also a reminder of how very long i have been on this webbed site phew

in hindsight i think moving out was a rough transition for me, although i handled it the best way i could at the time. like it was necessary and ultimately good for me, but i can also clearly see now that this was the start of increasing issues with undiagnosed adhd where i went from a very rigid environment where i had a lot of structure imposed on my life by an external source, to an environment where everything was up to me, and it turns out i was not a super reliable person to give that job to!

that was: a while ago though. these days my living situation is genuinely wonderful and it happened almost entirely accidentally. one of my flatmates had to move out a couple of years ago, so i asked a younger friend who was ready to leave home herself if she was interested in moving in. there was a brief Blip where our third flatmate (TRULY A CUNT) started a campaign of terror that ultimately ended in me kicking her out, which is how we acquired a newer, gayer flatmate. after like a year? her partner moved in, and this is now a 4 lesbian household with one full time cat and three part time cats that just come in through our cat door at will.

nothing is perfect obvs but the difference between living in a house where i was not friends with anyone there and one person actually actively hated me, vs living with people whom i love, who are similarly queer and neurodivergent (this is a 3/4 adhd household, yes it is a mess), who have understanding and community, is the kind of life-changing, revitalising experience i could not have imagined before i had it. like i spent most of my life being alone and enjoying being alone, and i still do spend a lot of time by myself, but it's with the knowledge that like,,,not only can i wander down into the lounge and chill with someone, but that sometimes i will in fact want to do this. this was a revelation for me! i could not have predicted this for myself, and im very glad things unfolded in this way, because there were a couple of moments there where i was very tempted to make simpler, lonelier choices that would have involved taking less of a Chance, and my life would have been duller because of it.

my job is my job! i still work at the same place i always have (15 year anniversary next may lol). i work from home 4/5 days a week (i go in on a monday with my team and don't have to deal with the rest of the company, which suits me well). i make databases of consumer information acquired from surveys that then gets sold to media companies and advertisers, it is not exactly a world-saving endeavor, but we have a solid privacy policy in place so it's ethically survivable LOL.

one thing that has changed over the past few years is that i basically grabbed a metaphorical crowbar and started insisting that we needed more DEI (diversity, equity, inclusion) work happening in our business. this is also not a world-saving endeavour, but it is a way of bringing something that i care about into my workplace in a way that makes practical, effective policy change. white collar workplaces are very good at saying the right thing and doing nothing, and while my workplace is better than many, it has been and continues to be a bit of a fight to drag them into the 'doing things' arena. but i am having gradual success, and my ultimate goal is to create a DEI specialist position for myself if i have to like, carve it out with a butter knife. my boss is on board with this and will throw his weight around as requested, and doing this work definitely brings some interest and purpose to what is a pretty standard tech-adjacent job otherwise.

2023 has been a year of gently trying new things for me. i had a necessary surgery that has given me a new lease on life. i feel like myself again. i have been going to concerts and plays, i have done some volunteer work at a helpline (although i need to follow up on this, a thing that i am notoriously bad at doing). i am trying to reframe my relationship with creativity and writing, a big part of which has been like,,,reading again. my attention span was Shot for a few years though, and this is the first year of being medicated and like, Well enough overall in a long time that i have been able to sustain a pretty regular turnover of books.

i had a period of time there where i was kind of desperately, hysterically unhappy with myself in a way that resulted in me being Incredibly Fucking Needy because i didn't have anything to fill myself up with, i guess? so i have been on a journey of like, well to be interested by yourself it helps to do interesting things, so there has been a lot of re-connecting with hobbies and doing things because i might enjoy them, not because i want to talk about them on the internet. for real, i do think i killed my soul with twitter there for a while.

SO YEAH overall it has been a ride and a life, but i am in a really lovely place right now, even with the bumps and the hardships and the State Of Living. we grow and we go, right?

#hannah answers asks

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dantesunbreaker · 9 months

Text

Why Do You Lie? Ch. 3/3

Daryl Dixon x Transmasculine Reader

I have this posted on Ao3, but I like having my work cross posted. This has some pretty heavy themes so be warned. I kind of hate this chapter. It was rushed and I wasn't motivated. Some traumatic stuff happened during the writing of it so I went a month without working on it. So apologizes if it doesn't live up to the rest of the story.

Trigger Warnings: Attempted Suicide, Mention of Transphobia, Mentions of Drug Overdose, Self Harm, Mental Illness

Stunned sums up about all that Daryl can feel in the moment as he staggers backwards when you barrel past him into the cell block. Shit. Of all the things, making you cry was the last thing that Daryl wants to be responsible for. Just.. he always struggled with this kind of thing. Relationships. Emotions. Anything of the like was almost like a foreign concept to him, something that would just make his head spin when he tried to wrap his mind around it. Not that he didn’t want those things. He really did. Especially with you. But it is far easier to fall back on old ways than to adapt to change. Kind of like the saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Daryl sometimes sure felt like an old dog.

With a heavy sigh, the archer crouches down to examine the bottles spilling out from your discarded messenger bag. Taking the time to actually read the label, Daryl finds himself still at a loss for what it could possibly be. It’s baffling. Merle was notorious for his experimenting with drug use. If you could get high from it, you can bet your ass that Merle had tried it at least once. So why didn’t Daryl recognize this one?

Lifting your bag, Daryl stuffs all the bottles back into your bag and sets his way towards the one person he trusted to know the answers to what it was and why you were after it. Hershel. Probably the only other person at the prison you readily would confide in. With such a calm, gentle soul, the old man could put anyone at ease. Daryl finds him in the infirmary, book in hand as he peacefully reads to pass the time.

“Hey,” Daryl breaks the silence as he steps into the room, setting your bag down on the table but choosing to remain standing opposite Hershel. “Can I ask ya somethin’?”

Giving a content hum, Hershel snaps the book shut and sets it down on the table as he turns to give the archer his undivided attention.

“Certainly. How can I be of service today?”

In one swift motion a single bottle is pulled from your bag and placed onto the table directly in front of Hershel with the label facing him. A word hasn’t even left Daryl’s lips before the older man is plucking the bottle off the table and turning it over in his hands.

“Hopin’ ya might be able to tell me whatever this is used for,” Daryl explains as he shifts anxiously from one foot to the other, a small pit of dread forming in his gut.

“Propranolol. It’s a beta blocker, which means it blocks the effects of epinephrine. Adrenaline. Commonly you will see it used to treat heart conditions or high blood pressure, but in some cases it may also be used in treating the physical effects of anxiety,” the bottle is once more set on the table between them. “Not something on our usual lists of medicines. Who did we pick this up for?”

That small feeling of dread forming in Daryl’s gut is suddenly a dense heavy weight that makes him feel he might drop to the floor. Of course. With all the time spent watching over you or spent with you, he knew you to be a highly anxious individual. The hunter in him often thought of you as a skittish buck, always moments from freezing in the metaphorical headlights or bolting for the trees. Things as simple as a wrong word said in conversation could stall you up, with only Daryl’s hand resting on your shoulder seeming to pull you back to reality. But somehow Daryl never put much thought to your behavior. With the way Daryl felt towards you, it was hard not to think everything about you was normal and perfect.

“Y/N,” Daryl finally manages to get his dry tongue into motion. “Had his whole bag stuffed with ‘em. Froze up and nearly got himself bit doin’ so. I uh... sorta got into it with him about. Twice. ”

“I suppose that’s why the boy seemed so distressed when I saw him run past?” The archer gives a short nod. “Well, you best go find him and not waste anymore time. Y/N is a very troubled young man. I fear that he may do something rash to himself if he hasn't already.”

Fear spikes at Daryl’s heart as he realizes the gravity of the situation. Heart thudding against the cage of his ribs, Daryl bolts towards the only way you could have gone. How could he have been so stupid? Hershel watches as the archer races away before he slowly stands to begin gathering supplies to prep the infirmary. If you were still alive, your best chance for survival was to be able to get the necessary medical help as soon as possible.

Reaching the cell block he had helped clean not too long ago, Daryl throws open the door and takes a cautious step through. Part of him expects, hopes, that you would pop your head out of one of the cells to greet him. But of course that isn’t the case. However, about halfway down the block the archer thinks he can see something scattered across the floor. Impending dread seeps further into his senses as he takes silent steps closer. Tiny blue pills pepper the ground in a sporadic pattern.

No! Rounding the corner into the cell, Daryl feels as if his heart stops dead in his chest at the sight of your crumpled form pressed back against the wall. Crimson pools on the ground just below you while a slow dribble continues from your left wrist. Dropping to his knees without grace, Daryl rips the bandana from his pocket. In most circumstances he would care more about the cleanliness of the scrap of fabric, but in his urgency he doesn’t bother checking. All that matters at the moment is getting something around your wrist to staunch the flow of blood. Tightly, perhaps too tight for your comfort, Daryl binds your injured wrist with his own trembling hands.

“Come on, Y/N,” Daryl’s words come out as a pained growl, fingers traveling up your neck in search of your pulse. A short lived wave of relief crashes over him when he feels the still steady beating of your heart. Having a pulse was good, but it didn’t guarantee that you were out of the woods.

Rough, calloused fingers brushing against your cheeks slowly coaxes you back to the realm of consciousness. Worried crystal blue eyes peer back into your eyes the moment you convince your eyelids to flutter open. Perhaps there is life after death. Why else would the man you’ve been secretly pining over for so long be kneeling in front of you? But then the pain returns and hits you like a sack of bricks. Of course, it would be far too good to be true to think you had made it to heaven. A swift and peaceful death would be too much to ask for.

“Daryl?” Your voice is thick as if from sleep, a dull ache beating at your throat.

“I’m here,” the archer shuffles closer, open palms moving to cup your cheeks as his thumbs stretch to the corners of your eyes as if it somehow would help keep them from closing again. “Stay with me, sunshine.”

There is a soft fluttering in your heart at the gentle tenderness the normally gruff archer seems to display in this moment of darkness. So unlike your previous interactions of the day. A sad smile paints your lips as you feel the need to rest once again pulling at your senses.

“You have such beautiful eyes,” you can’t keep back a half giggle half content sigh. “For what it’s worth... I love you. I care for you... Always have.”

With a trembling hand, you reach up with your blood stained appendage to stroke the archer’s cheek, leaving a trail of scarlet in its wake. For a moment you swear you can see unshed tears welling up behind those crystal blue orbs.

“I. Love. You,” you hope to drive the message home. If anything, Daryl needs to know that he is capable of being loved, that he is worth something.

When your eyes snap closed, the archer lets out an undisguisable sound of protest as he attempts to keep you from slipping away from him. Pulling you to him, Daryl presses you tight into his chest and holds you there for a tense moment. Then you are lifted up and cradled against his chest and supported by his arms. Carrying you back to the infirmary seems to take an eternity, though only because Daryl knows that your life's on the line. Sweat clings to the archer’s skin as he is finally easing your limp frame onto the bed Hershel already has prepared for you. Stricken with shock, the archer can do little more than stand beside the bed with a feeling of numbness as he finally pulls away from you. Only the nudge at his shoulder from Hershel breaks him from his stupor.

“Daryl. Daryl, I need you here with me son,” there is a sense of urgency in the older man’s voice, yet he manages to stay calm and collected. “Tell me how you found him.”

Spying the blood soaked bandana around your wrist, Hershel presses two fingers to your neck in search of your pulse. It is still there beating slow but steady. Now it is the matter of doing what he can to keep it that way.

“In one of the empty cell blocks,” Daryl is quick to answer, watching Hershel’s every move intently. “Bleedin’ from the wrist there,” he points to the fabric Hershel is slowly unwrapping. “Had little blue pills all over the floor around him. Managed to keep him awake for about a minute or two before he was like this.”

A sigh leaves Hershel. “Do you know how many he took?” Daryl responds with a shake of his head. “Let’s hope not enough. We don’t have anything on hand to treat a beta blocker overdose.”

Tense silence washes over the room as the archer begins to anxiously pace back and forth across the concrete floor. He hates this feeling. Like he is powerless, useless to do anything to help you. But he doesn’t know enough about medical shit to be of any help. He would just be in the way. So he just has to place all his trust in that Hershel will do his best for you.

“Y/N is a lucky young man,” Hershel hums as your wound is exposed to the world and wiped clean with a damp towel. “He hit a vein instead of an artery. Bleeds slower.” In fact, part of the wound is already beginning to clot and slow the flow of blood leaking out of you. “Appears he also managed to go without causing any severe nerve or tendon damage. Indeed a lucky man.”

Glancing over Hershel’s shoulder, the archer considers the wound, stunned to only see a wound no longer than an inch and a quarter. How could something so small have the potential to cause such damage? The time it took between Hershel tying off the few stitches and securing a fresh clean bandage around your wrist was miniscule.

“I’ve done what I can,” Hershel begins to clear away the supplies, cleaning up the impromptu workstation. “Physically, he will be alright,” the older man turns to fixate Daryl with a particular look. “Psychologically, he may still need some help. Y/N is going to need you, Daryl.”

Sucking in a much needed breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding, Daryl gives a wordless yes as he fights the feeling of tears wanting to tickle at his eyes. As Hershel leaves the room Daryl continues to pace the floor for a few tense moments before he drops into a chair he pulls up alongside the bed.

It seems like hours that Daryl sits beside your bed, eventually reaching to pull your hand to rest in his lap. Eventually you begin to stir in the bed, making soft groaning noises as your face scrunches up in discomfort. Hopeful, the archer squeezes your hand ever so slightly in hopes to coax you further back to him. Blinking a few times you manage to return to the land of the living. Even the dull lighting of the prison hurts your eyes, but you focus on pushing past it.

“Hey,” is all you hear from your side as you finally take note of a firm hold on your hand.

Forcing your head to turn, you feel a pause in the beating of your heart as you see none other than Daryl gazing back at you with a look of pained fondness. Why was he here? Why was he looking at you that way? What happened? And then it all comes rushing back to you. The pills, the arguments, the blood...and Daryl finding you with tears hiding behind his eyes.

Before you can say anything, Daryl breaks the silence. “I’m sorry,” there is regret dripping from his voice as he stares back at you. “Hershel told me...about what the pills are for. I’m real sorry, I shouldn’t have been so hard on ya without knowin’... And I don’t expect ya to just forgive me. But I didn’t ever want to hurt you like this.”

“I forgive you,” you blurt out without a thought. It was never in question that you would forgive him, people make mistakes all the time without thinking about it. And, you knew that Daryl would truly want to cause anyone pain or distress on purpose. “Just...don’t do it again please?”

He nods simply. For a while, you think that is the end of the conversation. You glance down at the bandages wrapped tight around your wrist and can only assume Hershel took care of you. Despite the circumstances, you are grateful. Some things just happen for a reason. The world must still have some purpose for you.

“Look,” Daryl lets out a sigh after a long moment and turns his gaze to your hand still in his lap. “Ya know I’m not real good with this shit, but I’m tryin’. But...I like bein’ with you, caring for you. I’m a fool for not sayin’ nothin’ sooner.” There is a long pause of silence, you ever so patiently waiting for his next words with bated breath. “But, if you’ll have me...I’d like to be your fool.”

A new pain blooms in your heart, but not in an unwelcome way. Rather, you feel your very being ache in that moment for Daryl. But also for yourself. It is hard to fight against what you know and is your comfort, no matter how much you want what’s waiting just on the other side.

Sensing the archer’s growing unease at your lack of answer you finally part your lips. “I’d love nothing more, Daryl. I’ve sorta been hoping for a long time that you might feel that way,” feeling shy, you try to push away the heat rising up your cheeks.

Silence that is not quite comfortable, but not quite awkward fills the room as both of you look at anything around the room besides each other. It will be a while before there is a sort of comfortable ease in this newly formed relationship. Neither of you really knows how to do this, but you know that it is worth it as you feel Daryl gently squeeze your hand that still rests within his. Pink dusts his cheeks as he continues to look at the wall beside you, but there is an innocent smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

#daryl dixon x ftm reader #daryl dixon x trans reader #daryl x reader #daryl dixon x reader #walking dead fanfiction

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