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neverchecking · 5 months

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Does it count as a marriage if only one of them is aware?

AN: Is this a Sage and Aaliyah piece? Yeah. Am I proud of it? A lil. I don't know if it falls into their 'canon' timeline, but I think it's funny. Shoutout to the tweet that I got from pinterest that inspired this. May I hopefully find you one day.

He was going to commit a murder. An atrocity. A war crime so heinous they would carve it into stone tablets as a warning to future generations. She already was a thorn in his fucking side and then she pulls this shit?

Un-fucking-believable.

Slamming open the door, he remains ignorant to the lab assistant’s yelp, practically snarling as he spots Purah. She boredly looks at him over her shoulder, snapping her fan closed with a huff. “And a good morning to you-”

“Where the hell is she?”

Purah grins. It’s something big and bright and he hates it. Asshole was probably in on it now that he thinks about it. Sheikah unity and all of that other bullshit. “Whoever do you mean?”

“You know who I mean, now you tell me where she is or I’m lighting Lookout Landing on fire.” He hissed low and dangerous, a firebulb already burning a hole in his pocket (not literally). He was going to get the information he wanted, whether they wanted to give it to him or not. He’d find her somehow, even if he had to scour this entire, goddess-forsaken fucking land.

He’d find her and then he’d kill her for the shit she pulled.

“Tick tock,” He mocked, reaching for the tablet on his hip. Purah scoffed with a grumpy furrow in her brows. “She’s in the depths, where she always is lately.”

He took that for what it was, leaving and slamming the door behind him.

When they couldn’t hear his angry cursings any longer, Purah turned to Josha with a grin. The girl looked positively frightened, as she often did when Link came around ranting and raving, but Purah paid it little mind. “He’s looking for his wife.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware he was married?”

“Neither was he.”

<><><><>

He should’ve checked here first. He was a fool to think she’d be anywhere otherwise, but yet? There she was. Sitting on a throne made of rock and marble with a devious grin on her face. She looked like the cat that caught the canary. In her left ear was the cursed piercing, still red and fresh, but holding a golden hoop.

A part of him was thankful she didn’t get the idea to pierce his ears in his sleep. Another part of him was angry enough he could blow her up here and now and walk away, not a care in the world to be had.

“What did you do?” He snapped, baring his teeth in her direction as Rauru’s arm flared to life. He had no intention of using any of the powers bestowed upon him, but it seemed to be a good deterrent for making her talk. Should she be feeling merciful enough.

Alas, however, it didn’t seem so as she leaned her chin on one of her hands. Her nails, long and sharp, glinted in the light of the torches around her. She looked like a vengeful queen tasked with the punishment of a traitorous soul. A cruel, wicked tyrant of a ruler.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

He’d destroy her kingdom yet.

With a tense breath in, he ran a hand through his hair, trying to plaster on a well-mannered grin. “Well,” He let out a bark of ironic laughter. “You see, I was going on my way to visit the Sage of Water, just to check up on him and you wanna know what he told me?”

“You know I do.” She smirked.

It took every bit of his patience to not wipe that fucking smirk off her damn face himself. Instead his fingers clenched into fists as that same anger bubbled up into a livid inferno that lapped at his insides and scorched his tongue. “He congratulated me for my recent marriage to the Sage of Spirits!” He spat, feeling comparable to the way he did after Ganon first returned. Angry and pissed and so blinded by red he didn’t care what happened.

The woman paused, brows raised, and for the slightest hair of a heartbeat, Link almost thought she didn’t know what he was talking about (which just made him even more pissed). But then she snorted. The snort then turned into a giggle, which turned into several, which she tried to hide behind her hand before she was tossing her head back in an uproar of laughter. It rang in his ears, harmonic and heavy, but he couldn’t find himself to care.

What a bitch.

“Oh,” She breathed out at last, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye with a thumb. The rings on her fingers glinted and he noticed a suspicious lack of a gold band on her left ring finger. She did, however, have the earring so it was understandable. “Priceless. I was wondering when it would get back to you. I was almost getting bored. Feared I’d have to ruin the fun and tell you myself.”

He grit his teeth so hard he was half surprised they didn’t turn to dust. “What do you mean-”

“Glad Sidon did it for me though. He’s always had a big heart.” She waved him off before uncrossing her legs and standing. “It’s been fun though. Glad we could have this talk-”

“I’m not-”

“But there’s shit to do. Little time, lots of work or however that saying goes.” A grin spread on her face. It wasn’t kind and it wasn’t nice. It was the equivalent of a wolf snarling at its prey. To show the nasty teeth often hidden in a warning.

He was so distracted by her dumb face he didn’t even notice her taking out her own Purah pad.

“See you later, hubby.” And then she was gone.

Link blew up her throne before leaving, the only remainder being a selection of pebbles and small rocks.

It didn’t make him feel better.

<><><><>

Everywhere he went it was the same fucking thing.

“How’s the wife?”

“Oh, you haven’t gotten your piercing yet? I bet you’re aching to do that!”

“Must be preparing for the honeymoon, hey Link?”

And his personal least favorite. “Your wife had just stopped by! She said to expect you!”

Like Aaliyah had any idea of what he did. She didn’t know his schedule. She didn’t know him at all! And he was just…what? Expected to roll with this? Go to the first fucking Gerudo vendor he saw and ask for a piercing?

Not on his fucking life.

He’d tear that piercing out of her ear yet and leave it bloody right in front of her dumb face.

The matter was just getting close enough.

It was true he was, admittedly, following her. He needed to get that fucking piercing. Word travels like wildfire in Hyrule and he knew she had some sort of ulterior motive. He just knew it. And he would either find out what it was or he’d make sure she wouldn’t be able to claim she was married to anyone else ever again. Win-win if you ask him. He’d either get in on whatever scam she was planning, take over and leave her with nothing, or he’d get the revenge he yearned for for sullying his infamous name.

Now it was just a matter of tracking her down, which was easy enough. Aaliyah, if nothing else, was competitive. She liked a good game between them. She’d leave little tricks and clues for him to find in the most convoluted game of hide and seek he’d ever played. Maybe a certain berry was left lying around-- one he knew didn’t grow in that region-- or maybe there was a stray arrow, singed by the remnants of a bomb flower, lying broken on the path.

She knew he was after her, and she probably knew what he’d do when he found her, but that was all this was to her. A game. This was one big giant game and he was the challenger.

Or, contrarily, this was one big fucking joke to the Sheikah and Link was yet another punchline in this comedy act of a life.

<><><><>

“Looks like the dove finally got snared?”

He watched, amused, as she pulled against the ropes wrapped around her. It was sneaky and underhanded, but at some point (and he’d rather fight the King Gleeok all over again before admitting it), he grew desperate. So, he rigged up a monster camp with muddle buds. Lots and lots of muddle buds. Every Bokoblin had at least four on their body, every Moblin six and even the TNT barrels were covered in them.

Of course, when in the depths, if there’s an active monster camp, there’s a good chance Aaliyah wasn’t far behind. So, despite all odds, she took them out. The Bokoblins were taken out with the barrels, an arrow setting them all off, however she got cocky. The bow was put away and she sauntered into the camp, eyes on the chest prize in the middle.

A Moblin saw his chance, reared up and slammed his muddle bud lined head down. The Sheikah had dodged, but Link knew he’d won. He saw the expanse in her pupils, how the black seemed to swallow the gold irises and her cheeks became almost instantaneously flushed. She was dazed, but still finished off the disgusting beast with a practiced ease.

Link, of course, saw his opportunity and took it. And now, here she was. Writhing about under him like the fucking worm she was and glaring up at him. Her eyes never focused, like she couldn’t make heads or tails on what she was seeing, just that she knew she didn’t like it.

He nudged her with his boot and nearly got bit in the process.

“Ooh, feisty little dove.” He teased, crouching to her level as he hauled her into a sitting position. She let out a low growl before trying to bite his face-- not that she got far with him holding her shirt the way he was.

“Muddle buds? Really? That’s cheap, even for you.”

“Even for me?” He feigned a pout. “That’s a little harsh. I was tryna have a decent conversation with you.”

“I will fucking skin you and hang your ratty pelt like drapery.”

He clicked his tongue with a shake of his head. “So violent. Shouldn’t women like you be more docile?”

He nearly didn’t avoid the third snap of her sharp teeth.

“What do you want? In case you haven’t noticed, some of us actually do our fucking duties. I have-”

“Shit you need to do, yeah I’ve heard.” Link rolled his eyes before returning them to the dazed Sheikah. “What’s your angle?”

“My fucking what-”

“Why tell people we’re married? What do you get out of it? Explain it to me.”

Aaliyah blinked slowly, brows furrowed as the information loaded in her brain, processed and she came up with a response.

“Make me.”

Was what said brain came up with. He’d kill her yet, he swears. With a scoff, he glared at her, watching as something akin to amusement brushed over her features. “I am. You think I’d drug you and tie you up for tea?”

“I don’t know, maybe you’re lonely.”

“Aaliyah-” What was the goddess thinking when making her? What part of the divine plan looked at him and went ‘Yeah, let’s make his life twelve times harder than it needs to be’? Because he had a complaint. Lots of complaints. Maybe there was a suggestion box where he could put in his very reasonable request of having her smited so he wouldn’t have to deal with her. “How’d you do it?” He settled on.

She hummed distractedly, head lolling about before she raised it to look at him. “You see, I went to Gerudo. They have these things called needles, and those needles pierced my ear, gave me the second hoop and then-”

“I know how fucking piercings are done!”

“Then it was just a matter of telling people we got hitched.” She grinned lopsidedly before pausing. “It’s very rude to interrupt by the way.”

He grabbed her chin with a rough pinch of his fingers. “Yeah, well, it’s also not very nice to just decide you’re married to someone because you wanted another piercing.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know lots of people have liked my piercings in the past.” Aaliyah gave a salacious smirk, eyes darting down to her own chest before back up to him.

What nipple piercings had to do with this, he wouldn’t know. “Name one person who liked your piercings.”

“Your mom-”

He let out a war-hungry screech as she flitted away into blue.

<><><><>

“Is it for tax purposes?” He called out, sliding to take cover behind a tree. An arrow pierced itself right where his head would’ve been and he quickly pulled it out and loaded it into his own bow.

“You think I pay taxes?” Aaliyah called back, waiting for him to pop out and aim before letting a bomb arrow fly. It forced Link to roll out of the way, the edges of his shirt singed with ash.

“I don’t think you do anything except make my life harder.” He snipped, shaking his hair out before letting a keese-eye arrow loose. It followed the Sheikah even as she darted behind a tree. It stabbed too deep into the trunk as she ducked for it to be reused, and she cursed, grabbing one of her own.

“It’s a hobby.” She grinned. She didn’t have very many bombs left, less Keese eyes (This trip was supposed to be a restock trip before her loving husband showed his ugly face), and was running out of options just short of things that could cause serious injury.

The quip she was waiting for didn’t come and she almost dared to poke her head out. Instead she laid low, watching the branches above her.

Which did her no fucking good as a hand wrapped around her throat, pinning her to the trunk. Fucking Sheikah armor.

“Then why?”

That’s all he’s ever been asking and it was starting to get on her nerves. No- how did you come up with such a great idea? No-Wow, you are so incredible and smart and what would I do without you? No- Wow Aaliyah, how did I get so lucky you decided to marry me?

Ungrateful fucking ass.

“I mean, you’ll get to claim me on your taxes and people will stop hitting on you- not that I can imagine many do with your ugly mug.”

Link got up in her face, nose to nose and she could feel his sweaty breath on her chin. He should go away.

“You could work with me, you know. Instead of against me. We could tear down this rotten fucking kingdom and build it anew.” He spoke at last, soft and hoarse. His eyes shined with vindication and valor and she wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

So she scoffed. “But I’m having so much fun. Learning what makes that little brain of yours just tick in agony and annoyance.”

A beat passed between them.

Then she raised a foot and kicked him square in the chest. Along the horizon the light dragon let out a strangled roar as it swooped close enough one could paraglide their way to its back. The whole reason Link was here, she’d bet.

“Send her my regards.” Aaliyah gave a salute, letting shrine travel take her away yet again.

<><><><>

The fire flickered underneath the metal pot steadily, licking up the sides and heating up the meat inside. He watched it blankly, mentally counting in his head before scooting over on the log he sat on. Predictably, there was a weight that sat right beside him, slumping with a clank as their gear was discarded beside them.

Stables were neutral. Neither wanted to piss the horse god off, so they’d behave themselves here.

Even if his skin itched with her sitting right there. There was nothing he could do, would do, unless she started something first.

“How’s the lizard girlfriend?”

“The fucking what-”

Early he had guessed this to be a game or a joke, but now he was certain she had just lost her mind at long last. Hurrah! He figured it out and eventually she’d be taken out back and put down. Something quick and merciful so she didn’t fall torment to her decaying mind.

He did glance over to where she was watching the sky, golden eyes trained on something or another. He followed her line of sight and nearly lost his shit subsequently.

“Are you-...Are you talking about Zelda?”

“Zelda, lizard girlfriend, same thing.” She rolled her neck before stretching her arms out above her. “Weren’t you two supposed to get married before this whole Ganon thing?”

And the gears started turning. They turned and creaked and groaned, but they were moving in sync before it hit him. “Golden goddess above-”

“You look like you’re about to pass out-”

“You are a special kind of wicked.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere-”

He turned to her and she suddenly clamped her mouth shut, like she could see what he was thinking. He was sure to an extent she could and she didn’t like what she was seeing. “That’s why you did it?!”

“Did what-”

“You started this whole campaign so you could say you married me before Zelda?! I was never gonna fucking marry her! Why do you think she’s still up there in the first place?!”

The color drained impressively fast from the Sheikah’s face before she stood with a start. “This has been… something. Let’s talk again soon-”

“Nuh-uh-” Link grabbed her wrist before she could disappear again. “Tell me that’s not the reason.”

Aaliyah blinked, stared at him, and opened her mouth. Only to then let out a shrill whistle. Somewhere behind her, her horse came galloping up, its dark eyes locking on her as she grabbed its saddle on the way by.

“Talk to you soon, hubby!”

<><><><>

Months later, he’s trekking in fuck-knows where, grumpy and grouchy. He hated the group of men he was with and he hated working for that fraud Hylia yet again. The boys around him never shut up and they never knew how to mind their own fucking business.

“Awful lot of jewelry.” One of them drawled with a lazy smirk on his features. Sage, as he had been proclaimed, scoffed. “I’m taking this from you? Your scarf looks like a fucking royal curtain.”

The man sputtered before righting his features with an indignant scoff. Sage snickered before running his hand through his hair. “It’s not all decorative.”

“It’s not?” The youngest whirled around to look at him. “I thought you just like getting your ears pierced.”

“I don’t. The first ones I got in the military. But this one?” Sage’s finger brushed against a second golden hoop hanging in his left ear. “This one means something.”

“Oh yeah, like what?” Blue scarf barked, probably still offended Sage didn’t immediately lie down and take the teasing.

“Means you need to shut your trap and keep walking.” He threw back, stomping forward. “I have a wife to get home to.”

#yandere linked universe #legend of zelda #yandere legend of zelda #linkeduniverse #linked universe #loz #aaliyah <3 #aaliyah x sage #that's not a tag yet?#omg?#honestly fair #Sage #Lu Sage #its sage #cinder writes

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