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beyondkion-blog · 9 days

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Resident Evil Characters - A Summary

Note: This is entirely my own opinion and said with a heavy dose of humor

Please enjoy

Chris Redfield

Started as a twunk

Became an angry gorilla man???

Alpha Male™️

Punches boulders

Wants you to marry his sister

Smoker

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife

Rude to wait staff

2/10 - Just a guy. Hit him with your car

Jill Valentine

Other OG

Arguably better main of RE1

Master of Unlocking

Bisexual Bob™️

Butch

Supercop

Once got mind-controlled into going blonde

Rocket Launcher babe

PTSD

Big Strap Energy

Giant anime gun

10/10

Albert Wesker

OG Baddy

Sunglasses

Thinks he’s cool

A little too into Chris

“What are we going to do this game, Albert?”

“What we do every game, Alex: try to take over the world”

Matrix jacket

Maybe a vampire?

Looks like my uncle (derogatory)

4/10

Barry Burton

Bear

A+ line delivery

Just happy to be a part of things

Wishes his daughter would talk to him

Comes through in a pinch

Got lost on his way to The Last of Us

Father figure

Not dead out of sheer dumb luck

8/10

Rebecca Chambers

Baby butch

Sees the best in everyone

Autism be damned, my girl can work a shotgun

Sporty

Mommy Domme/Babygirl switch vibes

Sweet coffee addict

Doing fine, thanks for asking

Awkward thumbs up

9/10

Billy Coen

Bad Boy™️

Never bothered to take off his handcuffs

Tattoos

Mullet???

Moral standards

Strong silent type

Whole situation could’ve been avoided by just talking about his issues but no

Queen fan

7/10

Leon S. Kennedy

If a golden retriever became a human and then got kicked every day of its life

Having a really bad first day

Into dominant women

Dumb 90s haircut

Uses comedy as a coping mechanism

Hair grows in direct correlation to his level of angst

“Hey demons, it’s me, ya boi”

Sexy

Dog lover

Certified Good Boy™️

Fucked up a perfectly good rookie is what you did. Look at it, it’s got depression

15/10

Claire Redfield

College student stuck in the zombie apocalypse

Soft butch

Humanitarian

Forced her brother to teach her how to knife fight

Really into motorcycles

Leather jacket

Rocket Launcher babe #2

Always has at least one adopted child with her

10/10 would ask to babysit

Ada Wong

Mommy. Sorry. Mommy- sorry. Mommy-

Grappling hook

Badass spy

Emotionally distant

Soft spot for cute cuddly things (Leon)

Femme fatale

Book lover

Chaotic neutral

Crossbow 😍

Could step on me and I’d say thank you

Rocket launcher babe #3

10/10

Sherry Birkin

Goosebumps protagonist

Worst parents ever tbh

Surprisingly good under pressure

Please someone get this girl some therapy

Supergirl

Smartest person here

One hell of a shot

The trauma is immeasurable

Somehow still doing fine

Loves her weird adopted family

8/10

Carlos Oliviera

Himbo

First POC main?

Went from three polygons and a white boy haircut in the original to actual gorgeous South American hunk in the remake

Lost his accent along the way for some reason

#1 Jill simp

If Dug from Up was a guy

Only trustworthy person in the whole series

Just wants to help

Gorgeous gorgeous hair

Loves strong women

Hakuna matata

Touch-starved

10/10 would peg

Steve Burnside

Twink

Who is this sassy lost child?

Hot Topic employee

Into Claire (she’s too old for you bud)

Choker

Thinks he’s edgy

Whiny

Daddy issues

1/10

Luis Serra Navaro

If Puss in Boots was a human

The Most Extra™️

Luscious flowing locks

Definitely into bondage

Used to work for Umbrella

Trying to make up for it

Don Quixote references

Bisexual

Good with his hands

Praying for a threesome with Leon and Ada

10/10

Ashley Graham

Basic white girl

Always getting kidnapped

Master of Unlocking #2

Razor flip phone

Ada Wong bisexual awakening (same)

Good with a wrecking ball

Makes Leon catch her every time she has to jump a ledge (also same)

Would like to go to Hot Topic, please

7/10

Sheva Alomar

Player 2

Second POC main

Bad AI

Too good for her game

Willing to go on a suicide mission with a guy she just met

Left handed

Deserves a better stylist

Only good part of RE5

Literally my girl got done so dirty just give her another chance please

10/5

Moira Burton

“It’s not a phase, dad!”

Probably gay

Weak arms

Skillz

Box dyed her hair at least once

Simple Plan playing in the background

Childhood trauma

7/10

Piers Nivans

Trying his best

Appreciates a good steak

Sick of Chris’ bullshit

Good with a rifle

Just a good man

German Shepherd boy

Self-sacrificing

8/10

Jake Muller

Wesker’s son

Daddy issues

Who invited Ronan Lynch here?

Quips for days

Bad boy

Loves the type of woman who can kick his ass

The Most Edgy™️

9/10

Ethan Winters

Husband of the year

Trusting

Surprisingly chill

The most basic white man in all of RE

Hands? What hands?

Functionally a lizard

Would still love you if you were a worm

Just casually knows how to craft bullets

Moldy

8/10

Mia Winters

Toxic girlfriend energy

Literally possessed

Dark sense of humor

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss

Casually working for a bioterrorism organization

Does actually care about her family

Definitely doesn’t have a penicillin allergy

If you can’t be the girl of his dreams, you can at least be the feral swamp witch of his nightmares

2/10

Zoe Baker

Lesbian

Mold intolerance

Southern accent thicker than grandma’s gravy

Picked last on the playground

Somehow okay despite her brother being Like That

Joe’s favorite

Science skills

8/10

Lucas Baker

Jigsaw

Didn’t even need the mold

Probably got at least one true crime documentary made about him

Working for Mia’s bioterrorism organization

Left his classmate rotting in the attic

Just the worst

0/10

Alcina Dimetrescu

Mommy

Please step on me

Elizabeth Bathory vibes

Just fucking huge

Can turn into a dragon

Lesbian

9/10

Karl Heisenberg

Grimy

Tumblr Sexyman

When robotics majors get weird

Fights with his siblings

Doesn’t actually care at all about Miranda

In cahoots with the lycans

7/10

Rosemary Winters

Mommy and Daddy issues

YA protagonist

Badass

Childhood trauma

Into the Mold-verse

Alternate universe Sherry Birkin

8/10

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noonblight · 1 year

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Nemona, Female Neurodivergence, and Good Representation

Spoilers for the plot of ScarVi ahead, but here’s my full analysis and breakdown of Nemona!

So, I know what you’re thinking, ‘Game Freak making an autistic female main character? You must be out of your mind. This is clearly projecting!’

I’d like to preface this gently by saying that this is obviously just my personal conclusion based on subtextual analysis, but also, I’d like to call attention to the fact that Japan isn’t like the west when it comes to neurodiverse representation, and there isn’t a lot of Japanese media that explicitly uses the word autism. It’s a little unrealistic to expect Game Freak to call it by name, especially considering they make games for children and topics such as neurodiversity are often viewed as a more ‘adult’ thing to discuss. You are free to disagree with me, but please be polite in the replies of this post, as I only wish to have a constructive conversation about a writing decision that has been made.

Anyway, on to the good stuff and I must apologise in advance for this post being long, but I wanted to be thorough!

I played through all of ScarVi and I’m actually very pleased with Nemona as a character. I feel like despite the game’s technical quality, there was a real effort made this time around to flesh out the named characters. Nemona is one of my favourite examples of this, because her arc isn’t solely about being autistic, but it’s clearly a large part of her character and affects her life in a lot of ways.

Nemona is a battle fanatic, and it’s very likely one of her special interests. It’s how she connects with other people such as the main character, and it’s something she devotes her entire being and effort to. She never says she does so in order to impress others, but rather because it’s something she heavily enjoys.

Right from the start, Nemona is a successful champion rank trainer and wants you to become a trainer who can rival her in skill, and feels like it would lead to a better friendship if you could do that. Nemona’s priorities always centre around battling, and doing as much of it as possible. She’s the one who asks Geeta for permission to bestow a Tera orb upon your player. She gives you tips about the battle courts at different gyms. She even raises a new team of Pokémon throughout the game just to have an excuse to battle you at your level and watch you improve.

Nemona even loves battling so much that she finds it a little strange when others aren’t as enthusiastic about battling as she is, below is a quote I found particularly interesting because it really does show that she can be socially oblivious at times when it comes to societal expectations about what is an appropriate place or time to have a Pokémon battle.

Accompanying this, multiple times throughout the game she exhibits impulsive or oblivious behaviour and asks you to have another battle with her straight after another battle you’ve just had, usually due to being excited. Sometimes other characters will need to remind her that your Pokémon require healing first, or that there are other things that need doing. She doesn’t always understand how things should be handled in a conventional manner, despite being an expert on the topic of battling! (Or, she gets too excited and can’t help herself.)

In post-game, there’s even a scene where she doesn’t seem to understand that another student is reluctant to battle her and makes an excuse to leave early because she’s so far from being a casual trainer that it intimidates him. This is, in my opinion, actually quite a sad scene. She genuinely continues to think that he will challenge her to a battle at a different time, not realising that her ‘unusual’ enthusiasm and skill has scared him away, and that he has no intention of returning. A situation I’m sure a lot of neurodiverse children would connect with because it so accurately depicts what it’s like when others don’t share your interests to the degree that you hoped they would. This scene also hints at Nemona’s trouble with reading the emotions and intentions of others.

Nemona’s final post-game scene (which please, I BEG of you to go watch, it’s so good) confirms this outright, and also gives one of the most relatable lines in media about what it’s like to be neurodivergent in any way, especially as somebody who is younger:

Something I like about Nemona is that despite being socially oblivious and pushy with her interests, she is still a very sympathetic and friendly character. Not only does she cheer you on throughout the game, but she doesn’t only do it for the sake of serving only her own interests! She’s genuinely caring about others around her too.

(Nemona, congratulating the player when they beat her at the end of her storyline after she goes full-out. She is thrilled that you beat her! I love this moment.)

Throughout the last chapter in the game, there’s a lot of great moments with Nemona that show how caring she is. I think the best moments however, are where she tries to understand and support a scared Miraidon, and where she tries to help Arven.

Initially, she is misunderstanding and expects that the second Miraidon will be friendly and that it will be a family reunion, but once she realises this is not the case, she immediately switches to trying to support your Miraidon in any way she can. Despite not understanding why Miraidon is so afraid of returning to the Crater and facing the other Miraidon, she can be observed multiple times attempting to encourage it during the final battle, and can be seen in the final cutscene of the game with her arm around it as the group walks back to the academy.

(Nemona, displaying an implied struggle with visually judging the emotions of others.)

Nemona is also the one who suggests after a very heavy story ending that everyone goes home, and that they take the scenic route back to town. She clearly doesn’t know what to say to Arven about what he’s just been through, but she attempts to make him feel a bit better regardless.

I think this makes for particularly good representation, because not only is she less feminine than previous female rivals with her more sporty style and interests (something very common with autistic women) it also shows depth. I’ve seen autistic characters before that fall into the stereotype of coming across as emotionally detached or cold, or far too over-reactive. But I think Nemona strikes a lovely balance of caring, emotional, and socially lacking.

Now, on to a smaller detail that I want to point out that I really like the inclusion of is that glove. I could talk about how Nemona displays memory issues at times or other smaller symptoms of autism, but I really want to talk about the glove. I made a post on this subject the moment Nemona’s design was revealed on the official website, but I like that the game content openly confirmed that Nemona has motor issues with her dominant hand.

(Nemona, needing to support her arm when about to throw a Pokéball, or when she is about to terastalise her Pokémon. The burst of energy from the tera orb must make things a bit more difficult for her. A lovely small detail in her battles.)

(Nemona, confirming that she has trouble with Pokéballs. Something her website entry also stated.)

Now I’ve saved this until last because this is, in my opinion, a smaller detail that they didn’t need to include to make Nemona read as neurodiverse, but I’m thrilled they did. Nemona is the only character who wears an arm brace, something I picked up on immediately in the trailers before the games released. No other trainers wear one for the terastalisation mechanic, unlike the Z-bands from Alola. And even though Pokémon battling is her bread and butter, she still struggles with certain aspects of it! Not only is this trouble with motor skills realistic, but it’s also a very accurate portrayal of motor dysfunction that a lot of neurodiverse people experience in their day to day lives.

To bring this all to a close, I think that even though it isn’t stated outright, I believe Nemona isn’t just representation of neurodiversity in women, but I think that she is also GREAT representation. She knows that she has problems, and tries her best regardless! She is kind, and caring, even though she has difficulties with reading the emotions of others and understanding social expectations. Her entire story may be about making friends with you through the medium of battling, but it’s also a story about how she’s struggled in the past to connect with others because of her love of that medium.

I truely do feel like she’s a lovely depiction to be in a children’s game, because she is a very positive depiction of something that a lot of kids go through, and in the end, she gets to be herself and she gets to be happy by being true to that self. She is never forced to change to make friends, and instead befriends you and the other characters simply by remaining as she is.

#I’m sorry this post is so long I actually could have analysed it scene by scene but I wanted to be nice to everyone #and have a semblence of conciseness!#pokemon 2022 #nemona #pokemon #pokemon scarvi #autism #pokemon scarlet and violet #miraidon #arven #analysis #character analysis #actually autistic #representation

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innominaterifter · 2 months

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A little about my ADHD running practices

I have ADHD and autism, ADHD predominates (or so, I think at the moment). The symptoms of ADHD and how it manifests itself in life is a broad topic, but in this post I will focus on one thing: about a specific practice that helps me do things that I otherwise wouldn’t be able to do.

This practice is definitely not a solution for every matter and every person, but with something specific it works great for me.

So, you have the complexity of doing something, and this complexity is not monolithic. It consists of the difficulty of starting, the difficulty of continuing, and the difficulty of finishing.

Why do I divide it into these stages?

First

For different people, the complexity of these stages may vary: for some it is difficult to start, but it is much easier to continue, for some it is difficult to continue, but in principle it is not difficult to start, and so on.

Moreover, the complexity of the stages for different cases may be different.

An example:

It’s quite difficult for me to get myself into the shower or the bathroom or to swimming practice. But if I’m already there, if I’m already interacting with water, then I can be in this process for a very long time. So much so that it becomes difficult to complete.

Thus, if you evaluate the complexity of the stages on a three-point scale, then for me to start is 3 points, to continue is 0 points, and to complete is 1 or 2 points. External circumstances help me with the completion: the hot water in the boiler runs out sooner or later, and lying in a cooling bathtub is not so fun; during swimming training I get tired or training time ends. The external limiter here serves as a helping element.

With other things, the distribution of stage complexity may be different. And if I know how the complexity is distributed, which stages of a particular task are the most difficult for me, and which do not require the expenditure of willpower, then it is easier for me to plan tactics.

If I know that the continuation stage is not difficult for me, I can plan a larger amount of work for this stage. If I know that in this particular case the continuation stage is gaining high difficulty scores for me, then I will not plan too much work there in advance.

For example, with everything related to water, the most difficult thing for me is to begin with, then there are no problems, because I really like the interaction with water. Thus, the main task becomes to lure myself into the process, to create such conditions and expectations that I would like to start it. The realization that the process will continue on its own and you don’t need to spend any resources on it makes it easier to start.

Thus, dividing into stages allows you to approach the task more structurally, distribute resources more competently and - most importantly - see the upcoming task as something composite and completely doable, and not as a monolithic peak of Overcoming.

Second

Dividing into stages with an understanding of the complexity of a specific stage of a specific task specifically for yourself allows you to praise yourself for the stages completed, even if the task itself was not fully completed.

An example:

If you think of running training as a monolithic task that sounds like “run for an hour,” then if you do not run for an hour—for whatever reason—then you feel like a failure. And any running training that ends in less than an hour gives you a feeling of frustration, a feeling of “I failed”.

But you haven't really failed.

You started this training - this is usually the most difficult thing; you ran for some time - and this also needs to be counted towards your completed things. Actually, you're great. You have done certain things that are difficult for you. Praise yourself, you deserve it.

Dividing into stages helps you better notice what you have succeeded in. Division into stages helps to get away from the catastrophizing “if you didn’t complete some part, you failed in everything” and move on to the more sensible “you didn’t complete some specific stage but completed others.”

To be honest, I have certain difficulties with running. Unlike swimming, it's not something that brings me pleasure in the process, all the time. At least for now. I hope this will change but at the moment this is the situation.

For running training, it’s not enough for me to just start, and then everything will go by itself, like in swimming. For a running workout, the difficulty of continuing is higher for me than the difficulty of starting.

At the same time, I really want to run, I like this feeling of flying, dynamic movement in the surrounding space, when I manage to catch it (if I didn’t like the idea of running or didn’t consider it useful for myself, then I simply wouldn’t do it).

So, unlike swimming workouts, my running workouts look completely different. It was much more difficult for me to start them because I knew that the stage "continuing" would be even more difficult than the stage "starting." And thus it launching a self-propelling attractor: you know that further it will be more difficult for you than at the beginning, so it becomes more difficult to start.

When I began to count as a plus the completion of at least one specific stage - or partial completion - then everything became easier. I went to running training and ran 500 m, and I don’t have the strength to continue? Okay, you basically went out to train and ran this distance. Well done! How about we just walk for the rest of the time? You don't have to run, just walk at a brisk pace. Although look, if you take this turn at a decent speed, there will be a cool feeling of centrifugal force - shall we try it? Doing the task in this format really made a difference for me. This allowed me to concentrate more on what was done rather than on what was not done.

This, in turn, made it possible to create spirals of positive reinforcement that helped start the next workout a little easier (or it allows you to blame yourself less if you missed a workout or didn’t complete it to the extent you planned).

I’ll tell you about how I use cosplay practices for ADHD in the next post.

#adhd life #adhd things #adhd #worm #cosplay #wormblr #parahumans #worm web serial #skitter #taylor hebert #wildbow

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thewiz9062 · 23 days

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Smiling Critters AU: Bubba's Psyche

NOTE: THIS IS NOT RELATED TO CANON IN THE SLIGHTEST. An accurate description of this au is that I took every playtime.co poster art and promotional material from the game and lit up the rest of canon in a bonfire. Meaning that EVERY character is part of one big cartoon. Thats it. No bigger bodies project, no child souls, no experiments, just a depiction of a cartoon. PLEASE do not ask me to do anything suggestive with anyone.

OK so Bubba

I wanna say he's underrated but then picky exists so.... he's close though

Anyways I wanna do him justice like everyone else I did so here this is.

I've already stated in his little character profile that he doesn't take shit from people looking for him solely for his smarts, or to use him as a doormat to get what they want, but I'm not saying he's mean, if I had to rank the most energetic and excitable critters in my au, it would go Hoppy, Dogday, then Bubba. (I do love a wild card bubba, im actually writing something that shows hes not afraid to get a little illegal) It really just depends on intention, which he is good discerning.

He's like a older brother you can go to if you want to know something, but he won't be like that if you're only there for the info. I also fought the urge to make him the "um, actually" type of smart person but he's not that. If you bring up something he'll add extra info that's relevant in a way you can understand, and if you said something wrong, he won't interrupt you, just tell you later.

Oh and another thing, he's not just naturally smart, he's good at remembering things. The reason he knows such topics in the first place is stated here, but a short summary would be that he wanted to help his parents out with money bcuz they're not the best financially (not poor but like, just enough. As in cuttting it close with prices and bills) so he's trying his best to get the greatest education to make enough to help them. So he's put work in to get where he is.

And that brings up another topic, I said, and i quote "adhd and autism solidarity" in his and kickin's introduction

...never said which had which

Wanted to do a good switcheroo from common fanon by giving Bubba the adhd.

So like imagine this:

> Bubba reads article about something he wants to know cuz he's bored

> sees link in middle or end of article with interesting topics (usually a fact list)

> oh! That looks interesting!

> clicks link

> reads

> repeat 70891 times

That's how he knows about, like 40% of his stuff the rest is normal research. Just wanted to explain that

Anyways, Bubbas smarts main purpose is to help, it's the reason why he's smart in the first place. Him and Bobby get along really well, usually being the ones who organize events that dogday and the rest choose.

So yeah, not much compared to others but that's Bubba in a nutshell

#poppy playtime #smiling critters #smiling critters poppy playtime #smiling critters au #bubba bubbaphant #headcanon

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c4ch04w · 28 days

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I gonna be real fucking stupid here cuase like a month ago I was complaining about g3 ss4 clawdeen with braid relaxed thing. But why does there have to be g1 v g3. Okay you like g1 I do to it's nice I grew up with it however there are a lot of issues eg: the body being only one skinny mold, glue seepage, at times horrible fabrics, and bad or supar hair fibre mixes. Like g1 wasn't the most amazing thing ever. Like g1 Clawdeen and Cleo were voiced by the same white women, there would be nothing wrong with that if both chacters weren't POC or MOC (Monsters of colour).

g3 still has some issues like the poly problem, unleaded details and wonky screening being a little to common. However both gens have something good going for them. Like g1 cool chacter concepts, great at queercoding (Wether intentional or not) and was able to explain tough and complex topics for a young audience. G3 has great autism rep and other desirable rep from main chacters, pretty cool designs for the most part, cool non villain explicitly queer chacters and a big improvement on the varying body types. It's really nice and refreshing. Can we stop dicks to each other and not shame each other.

#monster high #monster high g3 #monster high g1 #monster high movie #monster high dolls #please help i saw someone body shame the g3 draculura and tell i random person “of course youd like the new monster high you look like them”#like i cant some of you guys are insane

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venomxd14 · 26 days

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You Found Me!

I don’t know if this account is going to be very active at all, but I made it just in case TikTok does get taken down. My name is Jack. I am 23 years old. I’m a huge Walten Files weeb and I like drawing shit for it all the time, and I mean all the time. I just made this account like yesterday, so all my art is still currently on my main account on TikTok with the same username. Jack Walten is my top kin and gives me gender envy, Sophie Walten is the character I relate to the most, and Felix is my favorite comfort character. I draw him like everyday. I’m the creator of two Walten Files AUs, Sophie’s New Camera and Felix Goes to Rehab. These AUs can be shortened to SNC and Rehab AU.

(I go into detail about my hyperfixations and boundaries in the Keep Reading part. This intro post is super long.)

Names and Pronouns (all that gay stuff)

You can call me Venom, Jack, Felix or Bon. I really like it when people call me Jack though. I go by he/they/xe pronouns, but I’m honestly chill with any. I am a genderfluid, non-binary, transmasc person. I am biromantic and asexual. I’m not sex repulsed cause I’m a big boy with my big boy pants, but I don’t like when sex shit is directed towards me.

I am Mentally Ill

Oh my god a tumblr user that’s fucking insane, who could’ve guessed? But yeah I am chronically online and neurodivergent as hell. I have ADHD and Autism. I also have BPD and PTSD from horrible shit that happened to me, but it’s okay cause I’m cool now.

What This Blog is About

This place is just going to be a personal art account where I draw stuff for my current special interest, The Walten Files. I like talking about lore, my AUs and headcanons with other people. I do this with other fandoms too, but I mostly talk about Walten Files stuff. I use these accounts as a diary and sketchbook, so don’t expect this place to be all organized or neat looking all the time. This account isn’t 18+ or anything like that, but I do draw horror, gore and talk about triggering topics, so it’s not for the faint of heart. I don’t want to get famous or make money off of my art because the attention from that is very overwhelming for me. Drawing is simply just a hobby I indulge in to escape from the fucked up shit in my life.

Here are my art tags:

#venomxd14 art

#felix goes to rehab

#sophie's new camera

Hyperfixations and Special Interests

I know there’s a difference between hyperfixations and special interests, but I have AUDHD, so I personally cannot differentiate the two when it comes to my own interests. Anyways here’s a list of all the things I like:

The Walten Files

Five Nights at Freddy’s

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared

Bojack Horseman

Moral Orel

Smiling Friends

ENA

Adventure Time

Fiona and Cake

The Owl House

Steven Universe

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic

Battle For Dream Island

Inanimate Insanity

Super Mario Bros

Sonic the Hedgehog

Psychology

Color Theory

Greek Mythology

Boundaries

I have oddly specific boundaries due to things that has happened to me before online that were really traumatic, so please read these and keep that in mind. My boundaries here will be relatively the same as my main account.

Please do not screenshot, save or share my work anywhere. I already feel weird about posting my art, so having someone else repost or archive my work makes me uncomfortable. I also don’t want anyone to use my art in other edits, posts, etc. I appreciate it, but I don’t like it.

I don’t like it when people give me too much praise. I also don’t like being idolized. I have been abused in the past by a content creator who I looked up to, and when people treat me like that, it reminds me of the power he had over me, and I freak out because I don’t want to have that over someone else. Certain phrases are triggers for me. Examples being like: “You inspire me”, “I love you”, “I look up to you”, etc. Deep and meaningful comments like that make me anxious, especially when it’s being said by someone I don’t know. I feel the safest when I am treated and viewed as a stranger, because that’s all I really am. I am nobody special.

I’m also uncomfortable with making new friends here. I’m really introverted and I have a severe anxiety disorder. The only mutuals I have are people I am already friends with for like years. I also don’t dm anyone besides my friends. You guys can talk to me in the comments though. That’s fine. I’m not really in a healthy headspace to make new friends at all.

I don’t care if you simp for Jack or Felix because I like them too, but please don’t be super excessive or sexual about it, especially on my art posts. I don’t want to cross Martin Wall’s boundaries, and I just don’t like sexual comments being made towards my art that’s not meant to be looked at that way. Romantic and cute comments are fine, just don’t be creepy, especially if you are a minor.

I don’t mind if people are inspired by my work, but please don’t tell me that you are, and don’t credit me for it. Most of the stuff I make is unoriginal trend stuff anyway, and I don’t like gatekeeping in a small community cause that would be lame. I just don’t like being tagged or mentioned in the posts. I get nervous about it. I don’t like shout outs either. I like being a relatively small account.

I don’t want anyone making me gift or fan art. I super appreciate it and I love that people want to take the time to draw stuff for my Walten Files AU, but since I’m still traumatized from being abused, I still feel uncomfortable. Also being stalked and having fetish art drawn of me really affected how I feel about it too. It’s nobody’s fault at all. I’m not gonna shame you for asking either. This is mostly a me problem that I still have to deal with in therapy. I’m not trying to be ungrateful cause I really do appreciate the thought behind it.

I am not okay with any proshipping or romanticization of abuse what so ever. I know I make dark art especially when it comes to my Walten Files stuff, but that does not warrant anyone being weird in my comments. Anyone who fetishizes abuse, murder, pedophilia or anything like that will be blocked. It’s gross and I hate that shit. Anyone who is a proshipper, Alfred Playhouse fan, etc. will also be blocked.

#introduction #intro post #blog intro #about my blog #about myself #art account #fan account #fandom #the walten files #thewaltenfiles #TWF #jackwalten #Jack walten #Jack walten is literally me #I am Jack walten #this is a long post

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tanix-dragon · 4 months

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Subsystems, Sidesystems, and Headspaces: A look into the inner workings of the DWW

Hey everyone, Troile here! We were recently talking idly about our subsystems in a Discord chat, when it was brought to our attention that the way we function in regards to our subsystems is fairly interesting and that at least a couple of people would be interested in reading an essay or explanation of the subject. It had never occurred to us to write about it, since it seems so mundane for us, but now that it’s been pointed out, it makes perfect sense as a topic! As per usual, a quick disclaimer: this is how each subsystem in our system works, as well as the sidesystems—in no way are we claiming that this is how all subsystems or sidesystems work, or that all systems should work the way we do.

A couple of definitions before we begin: a subsystem is a system within the system, ie, one of the system members is themselves a system. The DWW has many members in it, but some, like Flux, have members inside of them. Meanwhile, a sidesystem is a totally separate headspace from the “main” headspace, inhabited by DWW members that typically do not show up very often. When in a sidesystem headspace, it is almost impossible to feel or reach out to these headmates while in the main headspace, which is the main way that we tell that someone belongs to one of the sidesystems.

Let’s start with the variety of subsystem that we think of as “standard four-member” subsystems, as that seems to be one of our subsystem templates. This template is followed by Flux, Orion, and Simulacrum, and works like this: a subsystem forms with four members. Each member is numbered, one through four. (You’ll notice that our subsystems have a group proxy, such as x?, ?>, and ?], and then individually, their proxies are numbered, such as x4, 2>, and 3].) The number one position is taken up by the host of the subsystem—Psius for Flux, Grimgoth for Orion, and Polonia for Simulacrum. The subsystem hosts aren’t always the most common fronters of the subsystem while the subsystem itself is fronting—that is true of Orion and Simulacrum, but not Flux. Psius almost always fronts Flux, but isn’t big on actually being in the front of the DWW. Number two is the subsystem’s protector, which is Cirros for Flux, Therimna for Orion, and Carolina for Simulacrum. These individuals often front their respective subsystems and will show up whenever something bad happens. Number three seems to be a quiet individual with very specific interests of some description—the “autism slot,” if you will. (For clarity, we’re autistic, so this is funny.) This is Uldrak for Flux, Dr. Tanji for Orion, and Moloch for Simulacrum. Finally, number four is the wildcard slot, where apparently just any old fucking individual can show up—this is Sascha Vykos for Flux, RC for Orion, and Tytalus for Simulacrum. Best we can figure is that these are people who can cause some chaos and aren’t sorry when they do it.

Typically, these subsystems form all at once, with four members right off the bat once they’re solidified enough to speak. Whether or not they’ll identify, though, is another story. In Flux, Cirros identified first, then Psius, and then after some prodding, Uldrak and Sascha stepped forward. In Orion, Grimgoth was first, then RC, then Therimna, and then a significant amount of time passed before Dr. Tanji was willing to identify. Simulacrum was a little different—their protector didn’t form at first, and I’m not sure that Moloch did, either, so Tytalus and Polonia were there first (with Tytalus identifying first), then eventually Moloch, and then much, much later, Carolina finished forming and stepped up as their protector.

Flux has also gained members since its creation—Ilias and Troile (that’s me!) as numbers 5 and 6, respectively. We don’t really have any data on if those slots are part of the template or not, yet, since Orion and Simulacrum are both still at four, so we’re keeping an eye on that. We do know that the addition of Troile to Flux expanded their headspace significantly, and has improved their ability to make Flux in the main DWW headspace appear like whoever is primary fronting the subsystem, instead of just this beacon of vaguely humanoid-dragon-shaped pink light that’s hard to look at directly. Speaking of which—Flux has a defined headspace that other DWW members can kind of peak into whenever, assuming that Flux is okay with it. Their headspace is a small, concrete room, kind of like a basement, with a desk that houses the computer or terminal that they use to front. Behind that is a nice, sturdy table, and to the side is a couple of chairs. The room extends a little further back, and is lit by a couple of bare light bulbs in the ceiling, and then there’s a door out in the back, letting Flux members exit the subsystem to exist as teeny tiny little dudes in the DWW headspace. They… basically never do this. Orion, meanwhile, I’m sure has a headspace, but the rest of the DWW can’t peek into it, and we’re not convinced that Simulacrum has one at all—they seem to be in a bit of a dark void situation.

Finally, as to how each of these subsystems appears in the DWW headspace—Flux, as previously stated, tends to either be pink light or will reflect the primary fronter at the time. Orion is almost always a bipedal dark red dragon with a polearm, although this is typically the case when Grimgoth and Therimna are co-fronting, which is the usual. Sometimes Orion will reflect the primary fronter, assuming that it’s Dr. Tanji or RC, but it’s almost always the dragon. Simulacrum, when they formed, were a big black box around the front, but now tend to appear as the primary fronter, or, sometimes, as all fronters, in separate bodies but forced to stay fairly close to each other. It’s kind of weird.

The most interesting thing about the dragon that Orion appears as is that… no one in that subsystem is a dragon, necessarily. Grimgoth’s a little draconic, but he denies that dragon being “him”—in fact, Orion considers the combination of themselves (however many there may be at the time) into that dragon shape to be halfway towards its own identity! Orion typically doesn’t get called a plural they/them in this instance, ie, if you’re talking to the general Orion proxy, he/she pronouns are appropriate instead. I don’t really have much of an explanation for this, and neither does Orion. Typically, this draconic Orion is made up of Grimgoth and Therimna, but the others can slip in just as easily, and her personality is a little hard to pin down. He’s like a more mellow Grimgoth, or a more aggressive everyone else, but usually just likes to watch. I don’t know. This is still an aspect of identity that we’re exploring, Orion most of all.

The rest of our subsystems don’t seem to fall into a “shared template” situation. Our remaining subsystems are Temperance, Emerald, and Skull Scholars. The closest template they have is that all three of them initially formed with two members, then Temperance gained one. I think it’s best if we just go through each of these individually.

Emerald is our only median subsystem, and consists of Talitus Verner and the Orchestrator—essentially, an emerald dragon and his half-elf alter ego that he played into so hard that he formed an entirely separate facet with different ideals and opinions. They consider themselves to be two sides of one person, so Emerald is typically counted as a single member of the DWW rather than two, but that doesn’t mean they agree on things or get along—I’ve never seen such an inharmonious subsystem, and the main writer of this essay is Flux! Emerald appears to us typically as a bipedal and human-sized emerald dragon, reflecting the two sides of him, but if specifically Talitus or the Orchestrator is fronting, Emerald will appear as them instead. Talitus is tagged as number one in this subsystem because he’s more sociable and friendlier, and is more likely to front the subsystem to talk. I have no idea if Emerald has a headspace, and if he does, it’s probably a recreation of the Orchestrator’s lair.

Skull Scholars is more of a weird case. We didn’t realize this subsystem existed for a long time—Roger de Camden showed up in the DWW, and we wondered if he was in a subsystem with Japheth since he seemed like a subsystem, but we ruled that out pretty quickly. Turns out, no, he’s in a subsystem with Lazarus, who we did not know was here for several months. Oops. Skull Scholars are such a weird subsystem that they don’t even have their own front in our tracking app or their own proxy—they can’t blur or be confused for each other, and only one of them can front the subsystem at a time. This means that de Camden and Lazarus are almost completely mutually exclusive—if Lazarus is fronting Skull Scholars, hearing from de Camden is almost impossible, and vice versa. It’s extremely, extremely weird, and they seem fine with it, although having a conversation with both of them is very difficult and takes a lot of energy, typically resulting in a headache for us. It’s like the brain forgot to install the co-fronting module on this subsystem—if it had, they’d probably have proxies that look like other subsystems’, but they don’t, instead having [] and {}. They’re visually similar, but not numbered. I don’t know if they have a headspace—if they do, they’re not talking.

Finally, we have Temperance. Temperance started out as a two-member subsystem, consisting of Saulot and Arikel. They’re interesting in that they’re the polar opposite of Skull Scholars—they can’t help but front together. They like to joke that they’re stapled together, which is basically true—when Temperance fronts, all members of it are much more present than members of other subsystems who aren’t in the front of their subsystem. All Temperance members are always fronting Temperance, if that makes sense—it’s like their whole headspace is the front. (Not that I know if they have a headspace—I’ve never gotten a glimpse in and even though they’re in the front right now, they’re not telling.) Saulot is numbered as one because he was the first one that started talking, and is still the chattiest, and Arikel is two because she was the other one. Kenaddel formed in Temperance some time later, so he’s number three because that was the next sensible number. I don’t have a lot to say about Temperance, honestly—they kind of “just work.” They can more or less “spin around” to make one of them the most in the front, but they never stop fronting the subsystem, so this is a bit of a moot point. I think they’re slowly developing the ability to back out of the front independently, but they haven’t quite managed it yet—stay tuned.

Now, as we move into the sidesystems, it’s probably worthwhile to note that no subsystem exists in either of the sidesystems. All subsystems live in the main DWW headspace, the one with the fronting terminal, and we’re curious to see if this ever changes.

We have two sidesystems, and we’ll address the first one we realized that we had first. We don’t really have a name for it, we just call it “the sidesystem”—this being anyone who predominately “lives” in the secondary headspace that we think of as being owned by Kyir, the headmate that we call the “system administrator” due to him having so many powers and abilities that the rest of us don’t have, as well as knowledge of the inner workings of the system that she’s in charge of keeping track of and only telling the rest of us when she considers us “ready.” I don’t really know what goes on in the other headspace, or what it looks like, but I get the impression of light wood floors and more of an open-concept design? I’m mostly getting this from Lazarus, who got it from de Camden, who got it from his husband, Mithras, who is a sidesystem member, so take that with a grain of fourth-hand salt. We don’t really have a great understanding of what makes a headmate a sidesystem member, although most of them have yellow or purple for their colors, other than Caleb and Kyir himself. Sidesystem members ar mostly defined by their ability to fuck off so hard that, as far as we can tell, they don’t exist, making them sneaky elusive bastards that we tend to find months or years after their formation. We consider Blame (our mechanic with admin powers that hid for eight whole years), Caleb, Caluna, Khouru, Kyir, Mithras, and Spades to be members of this main sidesysyem, and we’re trying to learn more about that whole thing as we go. None of them are terribly interested in explaining how it works, probably at Kyir’s direction, so we figure we’ll find out when we’re ready or when it’s relevant.

The other sidesystem was a surprise to everybody. One day, the space outside of the two headspaces, what had previously been a void became a beach, with an ocean and a little island with a palm tree in the distance and everything. This bamboozled everyone, but most of all Kyir, who is typically in charge of making sure that shit like this doesn’t happen without their permission and he was pretty pissed off about it, strutting around and mumbling and kicking at sand for days. We don’t really have an explanation on how this happened, but we found Anadox washed up on the beach and both Khadgar and Varian off on the island in the distance. As a result, we call these three the Beachgoers. Their default location is to be on the beach or the island, or to be swimming in the water, so we consider them to be a sidesystem of some description. They kind of exist outside of the two main headspaces, although they come into the main headspace to front whenever they want. They can dip so hard that we can’t feel or find them, like regular sidesystem members, but they usually don’t, and typically one of us can open up the door to the main headspace and yell out onto the beach if we want to contact someone. Interestingly, these three also all share a source, and it’s not the source that most of the system shares—they’re the only three fictives from World of Warcraft, and they all came in together as the Beachgoers. Absolutely no one knows why this happened, except for maybe Blame, but if he does, he’s not telling or suggesting it, not even to Kyir, which is kind of pissing her off. She’s not mad that the Beachgoers are here, per se, mostly just that such a drastic change happened to the system without his input. It’s kind of a whole situation, but it’s worked out in the end.

And now, finally, since I’ve discussed everyone else’s headspace, I might as well talk about the DWW’s main headspace that most of the rest of us, including all of the subsystems, live in. We have kind of a big living room situation, on one side of which is a white-tiled area with a terminal system and an indeterminable amount of seats that acts as a front. A crack in the wall in the front leads to some kind of outdoorsy well-lit plains area that feels extremely dreamlike. The living room itself contains several chairs and couches, all surrounding a table, and a specific couch that faces the fronting terminal that lies just outside the tiled area. We call this simply The Couch and is a common area for people to sit when they’re having a conversation with someone outside of the system but don’t actually feel like fronting. Past all these seats is the kitchen, to the right is the door that leads outside of the headspace onto the beach, and to the left is a hallway that goes out of line of sight of the front that leads to everyone’s individual rooms. It’s hard to get an idea of what it looks like around that corner, since we’re monoconscious and don’t remember much of what we’re up to when we’re not in the front, but we sometimes get flashes of what’s going on back there. Somewhere in the back of that area, there’s also an entrance to a room where the wood floor and the walls start to fall away into a big, black abyss. This is the Void, from whence most (if not all) new headmates come, and it’s Kyir’s responsibility to keep an eye on this and ensure that only non-harmful people form. As far as we can tell, they’re the only one that has any control over who does and does not form in the DWW, and if they miss their chance during the early formation stage in the Void, then there’s nothing that can be done, so he’s ever-vigilant, just in case.

That should be it, for now! Obviously, as time goes on, this essay will get more and more out of date, and may need addendums to clarify or add to it as we understand more about the sidesystems and subsystems and as each expand.

#tans journals #i'm too scared to put this into system tags tbh so i'm not going to #alterhuman #troile's thoughts

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eldrai · 1 year

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Strength In The Open (+ bonus)

Read the main fic here

5+1 gen fic with autistic!Hotch, focused around stimming and team interactions.

I also have a not-yet-proofread bonus that’s technically unrelated to the main fic but I couldn’t not write Hotchgan about it too. So this is set after chapter 6 and it will make more sense if you’ve read the fic, but it’s not necessary to read with the rest of the fic.

The terrible part is it makes sense.

Derek feels guilty, somehow, irrationally, for not noticing it; he spends enough time around Aaron he should’ve noticed how often he buries his hands in his pockets or folds his arms to keep them still – out of sight – and doubly so considering he’s a profiler.

He knows it’s the entire point. He knows it’s not his fault. He knows the whole point of it was to be secret and subtle.

That does not make it any better.

Aaron hadn’t said more on the subject before they’d gone inside, but when they sat back down around the table, Derek searched it up and scrolled through page after page of results – promoting it for children with autism, primarily, then explanations, then a handful of testimonies scattered throughout. There are studies on it. He’d ask Reid if he had a reason to bring up the topic naturally but for now his own skim reading will have to do.

It isn’t a good picture.

He’s only seen a handful of photos of Aaron as a kid, even fewer anecdotes about his childhood, and he can’t stop them coming to the forefront of his mind. Adults holding him down. Forcing his hands flat and still. Hitting him.

They don’t talk about it, not amongst a crowded precinct, not when the team grab dinner, not when they get back to the hotel. Aaron sits at the desk with a small mountain of paperwork and Derek spreads the photos across the bed to try and make sense of their unsub and spends more time glancing over at Aaron’s bouncing leg or his thumb flicking over his fingers than he does on the case.

They’re not distracting. Just little habits he’s seeing in a new light.

A comfortable silence fills the room and it lasts until they’re getting ready for bed and Derek’s flipping between useless apps on his phone while Aaron’s brushing his teeth.

He’s noticed it before, in an offhand kind of way, how Aaron always does it in exactly that order. Brush his teeth (pacing in slow, lazy circles as he does) and then returns to get the glass he left on his nightstand, to fill it with water twice: first to drink from, then to top it up again. Every hotel, every night at home, the same. Derek finds it endearing; he’ll hear the bathroom light clicking on, knows to wait for the second set of footsteps which tell Aaron’s coming to bed.

Repetitive isn’t a bad thing.

Sometimes – when he doesn’t notice Derek looking – Aaron’s fingers will tap against his leg in a faint rhythm. And tonight he’s brushing his teeth with his other hand flapping in the same casual manner.

Derek isn’t intending to stare, he really isn’t. There’s just something in the contentedness of it, getting to see more clearly than anything short of an outright declaration Aaron’s that comfortable around him. In seeing him so at ease when he spends so much of his time stifling the parts of him they taught him to. It isn’t fair they took that simple pleasure from him – that and so much more - and not at all that they replaced it with a shame so deep it’s taken the better part of four decades to even begin unlearning, but watching him reclaim it…

It leaves a melancholy warmth in his chest. Grief for the fact it’s necessary, and joy Aaron can.

He realises he might’ve been staring a little too long when Aaron stops.

“What?” Aaron asks through a mouthful of toothpaste. He slides his other hand into his pockets.

“Nothing,” Derek says, because he doesn’t want Aaron to worry, then: “Just you,” because Aaron will worry if he doesn’t specify.

Aaron gives him a second quizzical look. His gaze lingers.

“You were stimming,” Derek says. There’s still an air of awkwardness to the words, clinical and new, saying them out loud. Fuck, it’s not even his disorder and he feels weird saying it – he can’t imagine what kind of shame Aaron is trying to work through.

All the more reason to talk about it, then.

His response is little more than a hum. His face drops into a flat neutral and he turns away to spit foamy toothpaste into the sink. Derek sits up and pads into the bathroom as Aaron’s rinsing the last of it down the drain.

“I wasn’t watching deliberately,” Derek says. Aaron meets his eyes in the mirror for a second then his gaze falls away again. “I just… it’s shitty that you’ve got to be ashamed of it, and I know it’s for you, but it’s nice. ‘Cause I know it helps you or you’re feeling good and I get to see a reminder of that when you’re doing it.

Aaron rinses his toothbrush for far too long and Derek’s heart sinks a little when he says nothing.

“I like seeing you happy,” Derek says. “And look, I wish everything wasn’t the way it was and it’d be fine whenever, but I’m glad you can relax when it’s just us.”

“You don’t have to explain,” Aaron says wearily.

“I don’t have to,” Derek agrees, “but I wanted to. That, and I can’t enjoy looking at you from time to time?”

“Because toothpaste is that attractive,” he deadpans.

“Mostly you,” Derek says, and though it gets Aaron’s lips to twitch it’s not the smile he’d hoped for. His eyes are distant, distracted, clouded with the same thoughts keeping his hands still.

Aaron’s gaze flicks off to the side like it does when he’s thinking of something particularly emotional; he only looks back at Derek when he talks, then he’s flat and factual: “This isn’t what you signed up for.”

He’s not moving so Derek sidles up closer behind him instead and drapes an arm over his chest, pulls Aaron lightly against him. “Bullshit. It’s exactly what I did.”

Aaron shakes his head with a frustrated sigh and pulls away from Derek, his hands splayed out on the counter, head ducked down. “If I’d have known—”

“It doesn’t make a difference,” Derek says.

“You don’t know that.”

“Neither do you,” he says. The words feel cold once they’re out of his mouth, almost cruel, but from Aaron’s silence he knows it’s had the intended effect – breaking him out of his spiralling hypotheticals. Because they don’t know that (well, Derek does) and they can’t so there’s no use worrying.

He wonders if that’s where all the repressed energy ends up, anxious thoughts racing around inside Aaron’s head. It really wouldn’t surprise him.

“So we’ve got a word for it now, that’s great. But your brain’s always been the same,” Derek says. “I’d love you if we never knew and I’d love you if we always had.”

Aaron says nothing but he lets himself lean back, relaxing against Derek, which constitutes an answer in and of itself.

“When I say I love you,” Derek says, reaching for Aaron’s hand, “I mean all of you. You know that, right?”

His hand is ink-stained and cold as Derek raises it to his lips and presses a soft kiss over his knuckles. Tension bleeds from Aaron’s shoulders with a quiet exhale. His dark eyes are bright.

“I know,” Aaron says. He squeezes Derek’s hand. “You too.”

#hotchgan #autistic hotch #cm fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #mine

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galacticfoundation · 10 months

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Heya... Mars here. This is a little awkward, but Miss Cynthia seems to think it's a good idea, so... FAQ??

Q: Team Galactic? The doomsday cult?

A: It's not a cult anymore! We've been busting our butts in that court mandated therapy!

Q: Why are you still around?

A: We just want to fix things. The Champion and Cynthia did a really big favor, keeping us out of Forever Jail. Plus, some of us didn't have anywhere else to go. There's only about... 33 of us now?

Q: Why is Mars running this shebang? Wasn't she like, bottom of the totem pole.

A: Rude. But true. Saturn is technically in charge, but he's... not been doing too well. Can't blame him, really. It's a miracle he lasted this long. Jupiter went to Hoenn to work at some space place because we kind of ran out of money. So that leaves little old Mars! Jupiter thinks shes superior still, but I'm not the one with a live in Interpol agent.

Q: What do you even do?

A: Classic community service stuff. Also, working on reuniting stolen Pokémon. And cleaning up the lakes after the whole bomb thing. That was Jupiters idea, by the way. NOT mine. Oh, and about half the grunts have day jobs, for previously stated broke reasons. Saturn does some online coding stuff that I don't understand in the slightest.

Q: Is Cyrus alive?

A: I don't know.

cassini starts another blog, part... 11??? main blog @plasmaapologist blah blah blah. i could use this app to get an autism diagnosis i think

this blog is based on an au of my own dppt interpretation/au. it is canon based but not compliant. ye have been warned. blog will deal with heavy topics from time to time, all will be tagged

- the plot was that of platinum, for the most part

few things to note:

- this blog takes place very closely after dppt. only the events of kanto, johto, and hoenn have happened. asks relating to things in the other games will be answered, but will likely be met with confusion

- the start of this blog is 5-6 months after the events of the game

- charon does not exist. hes stupid and i dont like him. 👎

- lucas is the champion, dawn is the professors assistant

- dawn is probably one of my most heavily headcanoned characters. just a warning ♡

- despite being based on platinum, lucas failed to capture giratina. he later gained the trust of dialga, though their relationship is more of friends than pokemon and master.

- mars and saturn genuinely have good intentions. however please feel free to accuse them of otherwise. (jupiters only acting good to stay out of jail)

reoccurring characters blah blah blah. you know them but i thrust my headcanon upon ye

mars: she/her, 20. main poster. interim leader while saturn recovers. trying her best

saturn: he/him, 26. may occasionally post. not currently acting as leader after a mental breakdown, but still handles finances and does announcements when he can.

jupiter: she/her, 28. currently working at mossdeep space center in hoenn under the very careful eye of interpol. she never actually cared about team galactic, but its keeping her out of jail...

---------------------------------------------------

lucas: he/him, 14. current champion of sinnoh. has been helplessly busy since becoming acting champion. someone give this man a break, please. hes got a bit of a hero complex now. enjoys hanging out with barry and dawn when hes free, which often puts him around team galactic when hes with the latter.

dawn: she/her, 13. professor rowan's assistant. a quiet girl with a melancholic side; her real passion is art, but no one seems to appreciate it. has an odd but strong friendship with mars, and likes helping out.

barry: he/him, 14. impatient as ever. does not get why his friends want to help those galactic freaks so much!? why can't we beat them up and put them in jail forever?!?! main goal: blow up beat his father in battle

cynthia: she/her, 34. former champion of sinnoh. trying to enjoy her newfound free time, but she's been tasked with keeping an eye on team galactic. she secretly doesn't mind, and has developed a friendship with saturn. she wants to visit unova sometime soon, but she's just so busy...

professor rowan: he/him, old. early 60s? haven't decided. it's the professor, man. pretty much dawns main family, since her actual one doesn't seem fond of her. he doesn't really like her hanging with former terrorists, but also, doesn't want to control her.

#pkmn irl #rotomblr #pokeblogging #pokemon irl #pkmn rp #pokemon rp #pokeblog intro #rotumblr #pokemon au #pokemon au blog #pokemon au rp

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voids-ideas · 5 months

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Welcome to my main blog which I like to define as chaos

After the "read more" you'll find quite a lot of information, my other blogs, fandoms I write about and/or reblog content from, and a bit more, but before that I want to make one thing clear

I like to debate a lot, and from time to time I might get into a discussion about a social issue, I like this topic a lot, I'm quite interested in learning to see things from different perspectives, I feel that helps me in my mission called "creating a society in my head where nobody suffers".

That's why I possibly read quite questionable comments, and I'm able to put up with almost anything, there's only one rule: You're not going to attack/insult anyone. Especially someone else. If I see something like that in any post of mine, I'm going to block you. That's possibly the only condition under which I plan to directly block someone (that and bots).

As a bonus, if you see anything on this blog or any of my other blogs that makes you feel uncomfortable, please let me know. Send me a message, ask, whatever

Now for the fun part

Tumblr is my dopamine

I love any interaction that happens on any of my accounts, reblogs, messages, likes, asks, if you do any of those things I probably screamed with excitement when I saw it

In the case of asks and messages, there is the possibility that I am slow to respond, I tend to panic in social interactions

Blogs

If you don't know anything about aftg I really ask you to find out about the trigger warning first, but this is my aftg blog: @neiljostenmakesmyday

Good omens obsession here, good omens obsession there: @im-the-j-in-anthony-j-crowley

Helluva boss and Hazbin hotel over here: @mrfancytalkcreepyvoice

Blog where I sometimes share things about disability: @all-the-things-i

And this is my main blog. I define it as: Chaos

Fandoms

Things you may (or may not) see on this blog:

Good omens

Our flag means death

Interview with the vampire

Percy Jackson

Grishaverse

House MD

She-ra and the princesses of power

All for the game

The hunger games

Willow

Heartstopper

Heartbreaking High

Hannibal

Prodigal son

Hazbin Hotel

Helluva Boss

Marvel

Star wars

Nimona

The magnus archives

Tags

I don't remember all the tags I've used, but I remember some of them (I'll add the link to them as soon as I get my pc and remember to do it):

Jay attempts to draw possibly there are drawings here, warning: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRAW

Jay watches shows and pretends they have something relevant to say about them This is me screaming, crying and demonstrating that I know nothing about how to analyse a show/movie when I watch it, but I still say something that makes sense from time to time

Jay and... Jay what are you doing? You figure out what I was doing here, because I definitely didn't know.

Jay cries about some misfortune that happened to them in minecraft self-explanatory

Jay listens to podcasts and demonstrates zero comprehension of what they hears At the time of doing this, it has only one meaning: The magnus archives

Yes, this last part is just because I wanted to put all the colors of the lgbt flag. I don't have another section, I tricked you

...

Lie, this is... a little about me:

I like cats. That's all.

...

Well, no. I'm in my 20s, recently diagnosed with adhd and autism (before that I had self diagnosis), I am in evaluation for chronic pain and other things, I identify as greysexual, greyromantic, agender (sometimes non-binary), bi, among other things.

I have trouble explaining things, and I define myself as a joke, in the way that my life is full of comical situations in which I am at the centre

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viscountessevie · 2 years

Text

The ‘Whites’ Who Loved Me: Interracial Romance, Hollywood, and Bridgerton’s “Post-Racial” Fantasies

Written By Tré Ventour-Griffiths

Public Historian-Essayist | Poet | Speaker: race, whiteness, Black History, dyspraxia/autism and more

[Took me a couple days to write this up but we finally did it so enjoy reading yall!]

This article was sent to me and our group by Lav @sweetestviscount and it pretty much hits the nail on why POC fans - especially Black and Brown fans - of the show who came for the diversity and the respective seasons that repped their communities are so disappointed with the way these characters have been treated. I urge everyone to go read the whole article in full! It’s well-structured, very comprehensive with his sources cited and linked, drops a lot of great truth bombs in the most subtle yet blunt manner that had me gasping so many times because HE IS RIGHT!

Anyways click under the cut only once you’ve read the whole essay and enjoy these highlights and my fave parts of the article with me!

[Note: This became longer than I expected so you all may want to sit down and read this when you have the time!]

Right out of the gate, he explains the use of ‘whites’ in the title which I thought was employed perfectly but glad he gave an explanation still before anyone could get in a huff (and oh boy did people get huffy but more on that later)

To reiterate the last line: the article is purely opinion as is my commentary of the article, that being said doesn’t it say something that this article resonated so deeply with my WoC fandom friends?

I also had a little giggle when he said it’s not research (though he probably clarified this for legal/academic reasons) when he really did put a lot of thought and research into this like I said above, there’s a lot of related links that I will definitely be going through when I have the time!

The Main Thesis of the Essay which is found at the top/sub-header once you click the article is essentially this:

There is a wider dominant media culture and narrative that situates Black and Brown people in interracial relationships only as worthy of love when in proximity to a white person and white families.

And in this article, the author essentially unpacks how and why Bridgerton feeds into this culture and narrative. To me personally, it feels more insidious coming from Bridgerton’s production because their very first and main selling point from Day & Season 1 was that it’s a very diverse show especially with casting actors of different races! This will be explained more in depth by the author and I’ll share screenshots. However now as the seasons go by, and the show featuring more white people thus making it like every other Regency show/movie from the 2000s which,,, what’s new?

I have also spoken about this topic before especially in regards to Mindy Kaling and Shondaland’s works. However, it’s important for me to share this point of view as well. This article to me was also the embodiment of “Ohmygod he put it into words!” So it’s definitely more thorough and in-depth compared to what I’ve said before. Especially since I come from an Indian POV while Tré, the author, provides the POV of a Black person.

Now to my favourite bits and lines!!

That being said, Bridgerton is not an anomaly, but part of an American film and television complex in Hollywood where whiteness dictates who is worthy of love on screen. Such programmes include Master of None, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Girlfriends, Dear White People and Modern Family — which ‘legitimise’ the desire of Black and Brown people as only possible in proximity to a white person — accredited their ‘human status’ via affiliations with ‘white others’.

I AM LOVING THIS SONG! Honestly, if you boil this essay down to these sentences and it relates back to the main thesis statement above: “whiteness dictates who is worthy of love on screen. [Whiteness] ‘legitimise’ the desire of Black and Brown people as only possible in proximity to a white person — accredited their ‘human status’ via affiliations with ‘white others’.”

[God I could write a whole other essay on Aziz Ansari & Master of None. I would do anything to put him and Mindy in a room and write something completely insane chock full of internalised racism against our Indian community kjhdkjas.]

Okay but THIS WHOLE SECTION:

It speaks for itself and I have nothing to add, nor is it my place to do so!

[Also again yall please go give the actual article all the love because everything linked deserves a read too especially to give us a wider context and information of everything!]

THIS BIT HOWEVER:

Kate ends up married to Anthony, with Bridgerton reinforcing the Great White Hope of interracial relationships on mainstream television.

Mr. Tré I AM CACKLING!! ‘Great White Hope’ took me the fuck out because, he’s so so right. I love Anthony as much as the next person - yall know this. I am actually Show Anthony (with his book mortality issue and reckless with his life tendencies) but he is a whole clown and like Tré said, him and the rest of the other Bridgertons being white just fortifies the ‘Great White Hope’ narrative Hollywood has going on.

Okay so these two parts of the same para:

Every time people praise Bridgerton for its ‘diversity’, I am reminded how the ‘the diversity’ ended up being married into white families and thus ‘embodied property’ — as Aileen Moreton Robinson discusses in her 2015 book The White Possessive.

It’s the way THREE of the ‘prominent’ families of the Ton and show are all white - the titular Bridgertons, their foils Featheringtons and the villains, Cowpers. We couldn’t even get some adopted kiddos?? Complete blind casting like the Prince from Brandy’s Cinderella and his parents?

If Bridgerton aimed to do anything provocative, it would have been more useful to have been a Wakanda-esque regency fantasy world with a token white character (heck, Black Panther even has a token white man in Everett K. Ross played by Martin Freeman).

THIS would have been fun to see in Bridgerton. An example - other than Everett - that comes to mind is Nick in Wedding Season who was the token white character who was the butt of the jokes in the best way. He was also very endearing and respectful of his fiancee and their family but didn’t take focus away from the main characters! All of whom were mostly Indian and Damian Thompson who played James, the main girl’s British boss which was brilliant! So refreshing to watch a story that was about my culture and it wasn’t centred on a white person and both of the leads were Indian!

Tré also calls out the show for never resolving Simon’s SA. Now there’s no reason to do so since Regé left and we saw how it was erased in S2 😭😭.

He then breaks down the roles each of the main Black characters played on the show in S1:

He goes on to compare the other media that’s been doing better especially in terms of showing Black love, namely Sandition with Georgiana Lamb and Otis Molyneux and showcasing the Black Tudors in love in The Spanish Princess. He also cites more sources and academic articles to back up his previous points.

I really want to play THIS song for everyone though:

if the Bridgerton showrunners wanted to depict Desi women, where are the Desi men? Bridgerton is a show that has used the popularity of D&I to garner record viewing numbers and it has worked par excellence, while at the same it is a white show pretending to be a diverse.

WHERE ARE THE DESI MEN??

Papa Sharma my beloved!! Lord Sheffield could have easily been an Indian man with a different last time, we could have just left the name Sheffields unmarred and in the old books.

So not only did Mary’s classist parents and her marriage become a class issue, but it has an extra touch of xenophobia all because Papa Sharma was from India! The man was literally a ROYAL PERSONAL secretary to the King and was closer in proximity to a royal than Lord Sheffield himself ever will be AND THEY STILL had a problem with him?

We could have also given Mary a hot brother or something, give the Sharmas girls a cool fun uncle to help them navigate the London season or something!

And of course this is what we’ve all been saying for a while now:

[Bridgerton] used the popularity of D&I [Diversity & Inclusion] to garner record viewing numbers and it has worked par excellence, while at the same it is a white show pretending to be a diverse.

That’s it. That’s the sentence, it speaks for itself.

However, in a 2015 article, Kavita Bhanot writes that “The concept of diversity only exists if there is an assumed neutral point from which ‘others’ are ‘diverse’.” That default point is white.

Ms Kavita Bhanot is R i g h t! Unfortunately, the default IS white that's why that demographic always needs to centre themselves in conversations like these (more on that later - maybe a separate post on how this article was received on Tré's Twitter) and the majority always yell online about how "everything is woke nowadays" when talking about racial (and queer) diversity in media.

Why is the default white though? It's not as if people of colour just randomly materialised out of thin air in the 70s. If we put all of us together we certainly outnumber white people, so why is that not represented in mainstream media?

For the first paragraph, let me be very clear, it’s not that we didn’t know or want Polin AT ALL. We knew from the start - especially those who had read the books before and after S1 - that Polin will be endgame and canon in S4.

What we didn’t expect was for them to be the leads a season earlier than expected and to be heavily promoted across every season, take up space in Kathony’s season and already being centred in their own love story. It’s the unfair favouritism and treatment they are getting over Jimone and Kathony. Them being S3′s leads also completely sidelines a show fan favourite Benedict and the chance for us to see another WOC lead in Sophie being loved up by this incredibly charming Bridgerton that GA has fallen in love with! Because after Sophie, there wouldn’t be a WoC romantic lead til Lucy if we ever get to S8.

We just thought we’d get one more season of ‘the most diverse’ Regency show before they turned it 70% white. [Also Bridgerton has officially lost that title when Mr. Malcolm’s List is right there but I digress, that’s a review post for another day!]

It does not help that a big part of the extreme side of that sub fandom gloats every time something goes in their favour and are completely oblivious as to how awful they sound. You are literally gleefully celebrating in the fact that the cast of colour is being ignored and overlooked for your white faves. As if that doesn’t happen every fucking day of our real lives.

Also let’s talk about this bit:

[Black-ish] still feels like a series tailored to the delicate sensibilities of the white people who do not have any Black friends!

I can’t comment directly on Black-ish (I just couldn’t get into the show’s humour - Mix-ish was more my speed!) as I didn’t watch past the pilot and Tré knows best so I’m taking his word for it!

I brought up this part because that’s exactly how I have been feeling about this show lately. Yes, I’m sure many fans of colour like myself signed up for the show to see ourselves represented in a world where we could be the leads when we couldn’t be before. But now the racial diversity rep feels so incredibly superficial and there just to fill a quota. I LOVE the Mondrichs, don’t get me wrong but why are they still there? They were very heavily tied to Simon. However what I was hoping for in S2, is that they could have made them friends with Kathony with the Simon-Anthony connection. Maybe Anthony visiting the boxing ring again to let off some steam but nope Will is gonna start a bar! Where Colin can commit a microaggression against him YAY /s.

Because of this superficiality and most fans of colour leaving the fandom and no longer tuning in for S3, it feels like the majority of people left behind (note; I don’t mean ALL just a big portion) feel like those kind of people who only appreciate the racial diversity so that they can pat themselves on the back for watching something that has a diverse cast in it. It’s very much giving “I can’t be racist because I have POC friends!” While they turn around and either ignore microaggressions/racially charged attacks other people in the fandom commit. Or worse: commit microaggressions themselves, don’t see ANYTHING wrong with what they did, get defensive and never learn when called out for it. It’s just exhausting to see these type of people on my dash and tags across social media.

The next few sections of the article goes back to the thesis statement of the article and then Tre makes really great comparisons to If Beale Street Could Talk and Moonlight (both by Barry Jenkins) and how they are “so important — when leading white characters are absent from the story.” It’s really great how he breaks it all down!

I want to bring light to this part since this has been a point of heated discussion in our fandom. Especially before they announced who S3 was actually going to be about and everyone was speculating once again who Sophie could be:

Simon didn’t come back cos of Regé’s departure (no one’s fault really) and they didn’t recast him (which as much as I wouldn’t have minded and I even have some fan casts in mind, it wouldn’t have flown with the GA) and now we know the Sharmas aren’t coming back with Chari doing her romcom and Shelley doing The Boys spin off - though they severely under-utilised Shelley as Mary anyways so I’m glad she just took the check and bounced.

So NaniCoolJ is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. It IS a rotation of people of colour as if we are just interchangeable.

With the Sophie casting speculation and fan cast, it felt like everyone was fighting for their lives to be represented in Sophie and as someone on here pointed out, it was starting to feel like the show and fans were trying do a racial Pokemon Catch It All with all the Bridgerton spouses (except Pen and Philip who have already been cast) and trying to fit as many different ethnicities as we can with the limited spots we have. Honestly it’s only 4 of them left - Sophie, John and Michael (though I imagine they won’t be adopted cousins) and Lucy.

[SPOILER FOR SHOW FANS]

If we ever get to see them, Gareth and his family are Black since Lady Danbury is.

Do you see how incredibly fucked up it is, that out of ALL the three main families, we fans of colour are only represented as MAIN leads/characters by 7/9 of the spouses (including John)? That’s only 7 (potential) POC leads vs the current 18 white leads. As it stands, it’s only 2 against 18 are currently in the show - Regé as Simon and Simone as Kate. If we count Lady Danbury and Queen Charlotte, that’s 4 but still a HUGE disparity in numbers. I focused on Simon and Kate since they are the romance leads as this is a romance show even if production forgets that most times.

Just some numbers to think about, next time yall wanna yell that the show is super diverse. Don’t even get me started on how some Polins use Nic/Pen’s weight as a ‘body diversity’ bargaining chip to completely invalidate what fans of colour are saying and using it to be against racially diverse casting. It just makes their body positivity activist come across as performative when you have to put down one form of diversity to uplift the other. This is more uncomfortable when you realise that Nicola herself has said multiple times that she doesn’t want people commenting on her body - positively or negatively and she DOES NOT want to be a body diversity activist. But more on that in another post since this is getting long enough!

And now the racists are back, louder than ever, sigh. It was bad enough they were slut shaming and throwing racial slurs at Marina and whoever defended her post-S1 and I was even privy to some of it still happening during pre and post-S2. Not to mention how Simone and Charithra were treated in different ways after their castings were announced. Now with their favourites being front and centre, they have become more insufferable and horrible to the rest of the fandom thinking they are above consequences. It’s really vile the things people will say behind the shield of anonymity.

Tré then goes on to reference the The Blindian Project which sounds super cool and established to build solitary with Black and Brown communities which is such a vibe.

Honestly I feel like most of us on here do get along well and band together against the racists so that’s been a great support system for all of us. Just to say once again, I am always here for you guys. I know all of this is so frustrating to experience and now we have this author outside of the fandom validating our experience. It kinda takes the load off, for me at least. And any time yall need to vent about how its all going in the fandom, my asks and DMs are always open.

Tré goes on to say this, which becomes even more relevant with all the white ladies arguing with him that “fAt ReP iS juSt aS iMpoRtAnT.” Which to be clear I’m not discounting that having fat rep is important. It IS important. However, this is not the conversation happening in the article. As I said above, it feels EXTREMELY performative of them to centre the conversation on a fat white woman when the conversation is about race and how Black and Brown characters are being sidelined and we don’t even have other ethnicities represented at all (not in a leading role at least).

whiteness must be discussed always, even in the politics of love on and off screen. With the breadth of romance on screen still necessitating white people, there is a problem that in a dominant culture of white supremacy it says: ‘Black and Brown people are incapable of love, unless when a white person is present, or if this text is a ‘race show’ or ‘race film’.

These ladies in his replies really read that paragraph (or maybe they didn’t wouldn’t put it past them to just read the title and argue with him for the sake of it.) and specifically the line “whiteness must be discussed always, even in the politics of love on and off screen“ and decided to go “Ah yes, I’m going to discuss my whiteness now.”

Also to Elora, Julia and Tanya (idc I’m naming names): to hijack a necessary conversation on race in Bridgerton by discussing fat representation denies the very real history of racism in the television/film industry and is quite frankly a disgusting case of whataboutism. This isn’t about you and as my friend Triv said (who also helped me phrase this paragraph), “Remember, it wasn't the fat woman who got sat at a segregated table at the Oscars even as she won the award; it was the Black woman.”

It’s so incredibly insensitive of them to diminish what Tré and the fandom is saying by throwing weight in our faces. I bet you, these women wouldn’t blink an eye if a fat WoC was cast on the show, they would probably still overlook her for their favourite girlboss.

And for the finale:

Took us a while but we made it! Much like most of his article, this conclusion speaks for itself and so I shall leave it be.

I have mostly said what I had to say in this commentary. Honestly, it got so long because it’s multiple conversations we’ve had all over the last few months all contained and condensed into one post. These concerns have also been a long time coming, it’s so good to let it out and try to move on now. Thank you once again to Tré for writing piece and vocalising a lot of the POC fans and our friends have been thinking for a while now.

Thank you to everyone who read the article and this post all the way through, hope you enjoyed reading it and feel validated in other people sharing the same sentiments as you. Please know none of you who feel this way are alone and we’re all here for you and as I said earlier, asks and DMs are always open!

#Bridgerton #Bridgerton Fandom #Bridgerton Production #Anti Bridgerton #Anti-Bridgerton S3 #I'm not tagging the other anti tags because EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS

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schismusic · 5 months

Text

One for Godflesh, my girlfriend and Dog

[Disclaimer: the following deals in an assortment of mental disorders (primarily depression and anxiety) and has relatively detailed descriptions of death, sexuality and a number of other amenities I can't really remember off the top of my head. Be warned.]

[Disclaimer 2 - Disclaim Harder: the following was written very feverishly at 2am a couple days ago. I did not like it when it was done. @oldshittydog told me to leave it be and since I can't think of anything better or more precise to say about the topics at hand, I will post it as-is, no editing except for formatting - which was not present in the original - and some minor punctuation/spelling edits to make things clearer.]

It was Dog, G., D. and I, and we were listening to Godflesh, way too late for me to still be up. The conversation obviously went on to be about Justin Broadrick's relationship with his very recent autism and PTSD diagnoses and that sort of spiralled into me writing yet another page of this bullshit. Godflesh is a very important band to me in that they are possibly the only industrial metal band worthy of being taken seriously. Also in that Justin Broadrick and Ben Green are part of that small list of things that were there for me more than most of my family during some of the hardest times I've had (see: the last active years of this blog). As usual, it was all my doing. Sometimes you do stupid shit and sometimes, just sometimes, you pay the price for it. I distinctly remember sitting in the middle of a full one-hour crying session I was having at the time and thinking "I know I fucked up and I deserve to feel bad about this, but what the fuck, there has to be a limit to this". A little while later I first listened to Christbait Rising and it hit me like a truck:

"Don't hold me back. This is my own hell".

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The active belief that I held - that I was, in fact, in a personal form of hell - was an absolutely integral part of what I felt in the wake of those days; I guess being a teenager really is about being extremely dramatic when it isn't warranted. But it wasn't easy, that's for sure. Fuck a breakup, my main issue was that the breakup coincided with the end of high school, with the end of innoncence, with the end of my teens, to an extent one might argue with the end of my family as I knew it.

High school was terrifying. I met an old classmate of mine at my uni last year and inevitably we started talking about what it was like after the end of high school: I kept pretty reserved about it, not one to flaunt my shit years all around (you guys are the only one who get the displeasure to deal with them), while he went on and on and on about how fundamentally that experience had fucked him up - nightmares, anxiety and depression, therapy sessions, his relationship with his parents. He's a shaken man, to his core. He's also always been very vindictive and absolutely full of rage. There is an alternate reality where I am just like him, and that sort of scares me shitless - no disrespect intended. The studying wasn't easy either and I distinctly remember being stressed for my marks for weeks on end and it was gutwrenching. Walking home having to tell my mother about the measliest of failing marks was a horror story to me; to avoid confrontation I tried to stay under the radar to literally everyone*. All of my friends were in other classes. None of them talk to me anymore. Ironically enough, I have kept contacts with maybe four people from my old class (most of the others I wouldn't stand to meet ever again) and literally no one else from that school - except for my Physics teacher. He was a legend and a role model to 17-year-old me, and I still think very highly of him. My friend whom I met at uni told me he was very badly mistreated by him and that feeling of betrayal did become a bit hard to shake. Sometimes I miss the idea of getting a Physics degree. When I have to tell people who aren't up to speed that I am now studying cinema I still get ashamed, three full years in, about to get my bachelor's and about two years away from my master's.

I have done some pretty heinous shit to women. My relationship with sex was radically and pejoratively altered by my earliest sexual encounters, which for obvious reasons I am not about to describe here. Suffice it to say that the exertion of force - the idea of having to submit or be submitted - was just about a basic part of what happened; consent wasn't even a word that we knew, let alone considered. This doesn't make me any less responsible of all the absolutely insane behaviours I undertook, and I would never imply that I am free of guilt. I was broken, and like most so-called adult males in existence, the burden of guilt can be too much to bear for someone who is societally kept away from it on a systematic level. So I decided to fully immerse myself in this horrifying feeling for a while. This was possibly the best decision I could take at the time, despite what everyone said to me. The only person who, I think, ever saw it right away was S.: I remember being kind of blindsided by her very honest comment, "you deserve this" (with a red heart emoji right by the side), because no one had been as blunt and direct to me and it was liberating to see that my realization was valid and real, and that I was finally going through it the proper way instead of denying the evidence and hearing it denied back to me. Finally I knew I wasn't alone because someone was there, someone who despised me so openly and clearly I simply had to do better.

It was all fine and dandy being fifteen, chasing pussy and playing Half-Life a full seventeen years after its original release and then Half-Life 2 right that very same summer, getting to know about Filthy Frank and picking up a guitar to actually play with a band for the first time. Try doing that all over again when you're nineteen: it was Metal Gear Solid this time, simply. Hideo Kojima and heavy metal subgenres share a lot of similarities in my eyes in that they're both so big, obvious, bombastic with the way they express feelings and concepts that you're either enjoying them through the lens of a posh, post-modernistic ironic detachment or absolutely one hundred percent into them. Having to pretend you're "mature" and "serious" is something you can consider undertaking only when you're sixteen and spend way too much time on the Internet, and Godflesh was as instrumental as Hideo Kojima's work for me to understand that embracing big ass emotions espressed in an obvious way can be absolutely liberating, because both Godflesh and Kojima games are actually somewhat more elaborate than most would give them credit for - without sacrificing the gigantic emotion driving them. My first listen of Selfless was as liberating as the first time I finished MGS by myself: Gray Fox taught me that one must imagine Sysyphus happy, and Justin Broadrick taught me that not everyone can carry the weight of the world. Therefore it's okay to run the risk to be crushed by it.

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We knew our great-uncle U. was about to leave this mortal coil. My mother spent the entirety of September 2017 with him, he was taken to a hospice to help him live out his last few days as peacefully as possible. Motherfucker looked remarkably like Charles Bronson (the actor, not the guy haunting British prisons), and acted quite like him too: sharp-tongued, fast-witted, spoke very little and very measuredly. He liked The Good, the Bad and the Ugly a lot and would routinely quote that one Eli Wallach line ("I get dressed, I kill him and be right back!") for no specific reason everytime he had to do something quickly. Some of my last memories of him include him, then aged 84, playing with my sister who couldn't have been older than 9: he would literally lie on the floor to play with her, then need help to be picked back up again. The kids would put a snapback hat on him and ask him to pretend to be a rapper and he would absolutely fucking do it, no questions asked, this fair-eyed beautiful motherfucker. When he left I think something fundamental broke in the equilibrium of my family, or rather the perception we had of it: everyone was game all of a sudden. Grandpa isn't feeling too well lately, and I'm always afraid my grandma will be swiftly following suit. I guess that's taking a bit of a toll on everyone involved, to be extremely euphemistic.

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I'm guessing some of you might be thinking of me as some sort of unserious crybaby by now, someone who can dish it out but most definitely can't take it. You would be absolutely right. I have no defenses to raise because there is no point in raising any defenses anymore: what I did and did not do in the past is not a matter of debate, I must live with it and I was lucky enough to find people who did understand what I did - and decided to give me another chance. I am forever grateful to have gotten this second chance. Surprisingly enough, this is why the music of Godflesh now strikes me in a totally different way: it is no longer crushing in the teenage "hail satan \m/" way, and it is no longer a soundtrack to my competitive crying sessions. It can be elating and joyful. It can be a meditative experience. It can be a reminder that as bad as I have been I always have the opportunity to be better everyday and never let the past behind, facing myself everyday and learning to live with my weaknesses and my mistakes. Bee has been of massive help in this. I don't know whether she understood just how absolutely jaded I was when we began dating, but she's one badass motherfucker, too, and she's not taking anyone's shit - especially not mine. She was very clear to me: no mind games, no crybabying, no bellyaching. She was (and is) not there to baby me, and baby me she never did. As someone who has tried to escape from his mother's shadow all of his life, I really appreciate this. And I treasure and salute Bee - someone who's simply too stubborn and too smart to let an asshole like me drain her happiness away, and someone who I am dearly in love with. The fact that she loves me back is mindblowing to me, but I guess I could take it as a testament that I am, in fact, being a better person.

When we were done listening to Selfless, I showed Dog the song Don't Bring Me Flowers and its relative remix from the Merciless EP, Flowers. They told me they loved them. They were having "an experience" to them. I will forever treasure Dog's opinions because their choices of words are always so writerly and precise and one might even argue ornate to an extent; their writing singlehandedly made me fall in love with the act of writing again. I have never been more jazzed up to open a Notepad page and just let loose. I wrote some fiction for the first time in literal years and they were the first person I showed it to. They are, most likely, gonna be proof-reading this too (even though it's more for quality control, which I need given these are essentially just long streams of consciousness that I only thinly overlay with an overarching structure. I think this one isn't as good as the last one - too thematically sprawling, not enough threads being tied, it's a bit of a mess, but that's how it goes tonight). I treasure Dog's friendship dearly.

*as I was proof-reading this post, I realized that just today I bought a beautiful print by a very talented artist going by the handle @faida-acquifera on Instagram. The print says something to the effect of "I have tried multiple times to disappear and attained the opposite effect". I guess that felt relevant to add, since I didn't even remember writing the particular sentence I'm annotating.

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#schismusic #musica #music #godflesh #old shitty dog #friends #girlfriend #industrial metal #i guess this felt necessary a couple nights ago #lmao #no comment #Youtube #Bandcamp

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ihopesocomic · 1 year

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I have a lot of feelings about both conversations of low empathy and Hope missing her family

as someone who has low empathy it's taken years to not hate that I cannot empathize as easily with others and demonizing people for it is a very harmful thing. I think it's cool that Storm has low empathy because it's not something shown a lot in 'heroic' / main characters and it really helps me and the other anons here feel seen. Because, as you said, low empathy and the mental health around it has been demonized and villainized a lot in media (as someone with PTSD, it's a demonization I'm all too familiar with)

so knowing that there's a character out there that's still 'the good guy' - aka just not a massive asshole - but also has low empathy brings a sense of comfort

and moving to the topic of Hope rq

while I do agree with Hope missing Clover, Clever, and Clever's cubs the most

there's also no shame if she did miss her parents. They were horrible, of course, but as a survivor of abuse myself, there's the grief of 'what ifs' that people don't often consider. Because when you leave the people who hurt you, you can also find yourself wondering 'what if they weren't awful' or 'what if they loved me in a way that didn't feel bad'

and part of you mourns this alternative version on your abuser(s) that you build up in your head

granted this is probably just my own silly little headcanon, people and characters shouldn't be shamed for it

anyway love you two and I love IHS! I look forward to seeing more from you guys <3

Thank you so much for your kind words, anon. You rock. <33 What you said about Hope and her parents is completely valid! I was just using Clever as the one example as to why Hope's emotions aren't as easy as 'well, I'm with my cool gf now... time to party!' and she can turn off those feelings.

There are certainly other things at play, like the elements you've talked about above.

I feel the same way about my own family. I never had much of a relationship with them because of my autism but they're still my family. I especially went through this after my mother passed away. As an adult, I recognise they didn't want to take over looking after me but as a 13-year-old kid who has just lost her mother: you still want to be with your family, even if their relationship with you is either abusive or just flat-out non-existent.

You're certainly gonna see evidence that there is a void where Hope's parents are concerned and it is going to come up in the plot at certain points. Because it is a void that she may feel tempted to try and fill, even when it can't be. - RJ

#ask #ask us stuff

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cy-cyborg · 9 months

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I've read a lot of stories with disabled characters, and I've enjoyed some of them more than others. I'm wondering, can non-disabled people write disabled people in stories? Is it possible to do it respectfully and accurately?

I recently read the book "Me Before You" by Jojo Moyes. I really enjoyed the story, but I'm not sure if I would have enjoyed it as much if I had been disabled myself. The main character, Will, is a quadriplegic, and the story explores his relationship with his caretaker, Louisa. I thought the book did a good job of portraying Will's physical limitations, but I'm not sure if it did a good job of portraying his emotional and psychological journey.

What do you think? Can non-disabled people write disabled people in stories?

Sorry for the late reply, I thought I posted the answer to this already, but I saved it to my queue instead 😅

This is a really hotly debated topic in disability circles, but in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with non-disabled folks telling stories featuring disability, so long as you're respectful and do your research/hire sensitivity readers. Stories where a character (even the main character) is disabled, or becomes disabled during the story, but that's not what the core of the story is about. Disability is a natural part of life, the disabled community makes up nearly 20% of the total population according to some sources (though many people think this is an under-estimate and the real numbers are much higher, since what is considered a disability isn't universally agreed on), it's unrealistic to just straight-up not include it.

But stories that are specifically about the disabled experience, about what life as a disabled person is like, about learning to live with disability and learning how to adapt to it, where any of those themes are a part of the main plot, then I think that's usually best left to disabled people to tell those stories. There are some things that, unless you've lived through it, you can never truly understand, and I do think disability is one of those things (this doesn't just apply to non-disabled people, but also to people with disabilities different from your own. I know what life for an amputee with autism is like, but that doesn't mean I also know what living with DID or paraplegia is like). If you try to tell a story where those things you haven't lived through are the centre focus, the holes become very visible to those who have. I do say usually though, I've seen some exceptions where people still do a good job, but they're usually from very well-established writers who have a team of people like sensitivity readers, consultants etc, and a lot of them who are able to pull it off.

The irony that you used Me Before You as an example though is a little funny. I try not to talk about that story specifically because I couldn't even finish the movie, let alone the book 😅 but the online disabled community has made their thoughts on both known. The general consensus as I've seen it is it is a perfect example of the author doing everything wrong, but getting it close enough that most non-disabled folks won't notice, and the movie just following in its footsteps. Take this with a grain of salt of course, but I've heard that the author didn't even talk to anyone with Will's disability directly, she only spoke to and consulted with healthcare workers/carers who worked with people like Will, which will always give you a very incomplete view of life with a disability at best and a very jaded and pessimistic view of things at worst - both in regards to the emotional side of things and the ability of the disabled person. I'm not here to say you can't enjoy it, but it does play into a lot of very harmful tropes and stereotypes. I'm not the best person to discuss it in any real detail though, sorry. There's some great video essays on YouTube though, including a few from people with the same disability as will, so I'd definitely recommend taking a look at them if you want to know more!

TLDR: I don't think there's anything wrong with non-disabled folks telling stories that contain disabled characters, but stories about our lived experience should be left to those with that lived experience.

#disability #disabled #disability representation #writeblr #writing #authors of tumblr #writing disability #creative writing #writer #on writing #writers on tumblr

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