#the fact i remember line by line when i read it when i was 14/15

[pedropascallme]

I’ll Always Come Back

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!Reader; no use of y/n

Summary: “The bed in the house you shared wasn’t all that large, but without Joel in it you felt completely dwarfed. It was like the mattress was swallowing you whole without Joel to anchor you to his broad shoulders and wide chest.”

Warnings: Smut (18+ MINORS DNI), dom/sub dynamics (dom!Joel x sub!Reader), fingering, oral (M & F receiving), p in v sex, praise kink, daddy kink. If I missed anything please let me know!

~~~

Summer in Jackson was a mixed bag. On the one hand, the warm weather made it much more encouraging to tend to your day-to-day activities; you could clean up around the house, sing along to the radio Joel had fixed up while you rearranged the cabin you had been gifted. You could go out and mingle without the need to put on layers and layers of clothing. And the plants—God, the plants! Things were growing, summer meant fresh greens and tending to your little plot of garden.

On the other hand, summer in Jackson meant extended patrols; the warm weather encouraged raiders to branch out further, to attempt riskier and riskier maneuvers. You never felt scared, why should stuff like that scare you after everything you had been through with Joel and Ellie? But what did get to you was the fact that Joel’s patrols were getting longer as the warm June days arrived.

Ultimately, things weren’t much different. You and Ellie and Joel still had time together and time apart, but it drove you nearly insane when you had to get into bed without him, wake up without him. The bed in the house you shared wasn’t all that large, but without Joel in it you felt completely dwarfed. It was like the mattress was swallowing you whole without Joel to anchor you to his broad shoulders and wide chest.  

Today had consisted of next to nothing. Ellie had shouted at you while you were still half asleep, saying something along the lines of “Dina” and “movie night” and “back tomorrow, maybe!” You had offered a lazy “mmff” in response. And then you heard the door slam. You tried your best to spend the day doing something—anything—productive. Go for a walk, clean the kitchen, weed the garden. In the end, though, you had found yourself letting yet another day slip by completely wasted. Maybe not completely: You had found the copy of The Catcher in the Rye that you had picked up somewhere along your journey with Joel and Ellie.

You remembered how much you had loved the cover when you first read the book—you must’ve been 14 or 15, if even. The red carousel horse that looked so…messy and unhinged. That might’ve been what initially drew you to the book in the first place, not to judge a book by its cover or anything, but it just looked so promising. When you reread it, you found yourself comparing Holden Caulfield to one Joel Miller; the character’s intensity, his need to isolate himself in order to protect himself and everybody else, his crippling losses. It was all Joel. So maybe, in the back of your mind, you had really just started skimming through it today to remind yourself of the growth you had seen Joel go through in your time together. He was so closed off, so hesitant when you had first joined him and Ellie. Of course, the biggest difference between the real life and the literary was Joel’s ability to grow, to open up and remember how to feel; Holden never really got that sort of closure.

After hours and hours of reading and reminiscing, the sun had finally started to go down. You prepared yourself for another night alone in the house. You were happy Ellie had the ability to go out and spend her time with people she loved, but when Joel was out for so long, you couldn’t help but feel jealous. Jealous and lonely. But you were a big girl, and you could handle it. Even if you hated it. You changed out of your denim shorts and took off the tank top that was now fairly sweaty, opting to sleep naked. Might as well if nobody is going to see you, anyway. You curled up under the bedsheet, not bothering to sleep under the comforter, it was entirely too hot for that. You fell asleep far quicker than anticipated.

You woke with a start when you felt a hand wrap around your midriff, a voice in your ear drawling “g’night, darlin’.” Dazed, you turned yourself over to face the direction of the voice.

Joel was home.

Nothing could’ve snapped you out of your groggy state faster than the excitement of seeing him again after so long. Really, it hadn’t been long at all, but it was always such a relief having him back next to you. You clung to him, reacquainting yourself with his smell and the feel of him. Just as quickly, though, you pushed yourself up and off of him.

“You’re dirty.”

“Missed you too, sweetheart.” He pulled you back down to him, caging you in with his arms. “Don’t’cha like dirty, baby?” He laughed while you tried to wriggle yourself out of his hold.

“Like it when it’s how you’re acting, not when you’re literally caked in dirt.” You faked outrage, hitting his chest softly.

“C’mon, know you like seein’ me this way.”

And he was right, obviously. You loved seeing his hair pushed back with sweat, feeling his calloused hands against your bare back, tracing his collarbones and feeling the gravelly remnants of dirt.

“You had a good patrol, then?” You asked, finally letting yourself fall atop him, truly not caring about the dirt and sweat.

“It was alright. Uneventful. Fuckin’ hot out there, though.”

“Maybe it’s time to start wearing shorts, cowboy.”

“Yeah, that’s what everybody wants to see. My old man knees shinin’ out in the sun.”

You giggled. He traced his hands down your naked body, letting himself feel every dimple and curve.

“You got th’right idea. Nothin’ like comin’ in from the heat to see my baby stripped down for me. Should probably start doin’ the same whenever I can.” He squeezed your ass roughly, forcing a moan from your lips.

“C-can’t just walk around the commune naked, Joel. At least put some rips in your pants.”

“Mm, why walk around the commune in jeans when I could strip down with you at home, darlin’?” He delivered a smack to your ass, making you gasp. “Could just stay here all day ‘nd play with you. Make me sweat, keep me cool.” He quirked an eyebrow, tongue wetting his bottom lip before he brought your face to his with both his hands.

He tasted perfect, like the cigarettes he and Tommy swore they weren’t smoking, like whiskey, like mint, like black coffee. He licked at your bottom lip, encouraging you to open your mouth and let his tongue in. You felt him sweep the inside of your mouth, spit mingling and teeth clacking together as the kiss intensified. Without separating himself from you, Joel sat up, grabbing you by the hair and biting your bottom lip.

“Gonna be good f’me?” He still had you by the hair as he started to undo his belt. “Gonna show daddy what you missed so much while I was gone?”

“Wanna show you, please Joel.”

He pulled your hair tighter into his fist, and you let out a high pitched sound.

“You can do better than that, baby. Try again.”

“Please daddy, I wanna show you what I missed!”

“Atta girl.”

He pulled his belt from the loops on his jeans in one swift motion, undoing his button and fly just as fast. You could see the bulge that had grown in his jeans, and your mouth watered at the sight.

“You wanna be good?” Joel pulled your head back so that you were looking into his eyes. “You gotta work for what you want, baby. You know that.” He laughed when your hands flew to his crotch, shoving the denim down his hips and doing the same to the boxers he was wearing. You took his hard length in your hands; no matter how long you had been together, no matter how many times he let you have it, you were consistently amazed by how big he was. He was long, thick, heavy in your hands, and it just spurred you on further to show him how good you could be.

“Spit.” He still had a fist in your hair, and he held you above the tip of his cock. You did as you were told, letting your spit drip from his tip, down his shaft. He made you repeat the action once more before letting you move your hands.

“Good girl, jerkin’ daddy off so good.” He groaned when you dropped a hand to his balls, your other hand working his full length. His back arched slightly when you gave his balls a squeeze, moving your hand to focus on the head of his cock. He released you from his grip.

“Open your mouth, baby, give your daddy a show, huh?” You jumped at the chance, shuffling down his body and lowering your face between his hips. You kept one hand working up and down his shaft and took as much as you could in your mouth, flicking your tongue against his most sensitive spots.

“Fuck, good girl. Gonna make me cum if you keep going like that. Fuck!” You took his rambling as an opportunity to take as much of him as you could down your throat. Suddenly, his hand was back in your hair, pulling you off of him. A string of your saliva kept you connected to his cock, dripping from your puffy lips.

Joel brought your face back up to his, catching you in a heated kiss. You felt him bite your bottom lip, your own tongue tasting the inside of his mouth. He broke away for just long enough to flip you onto your back. He stood over you, pulling his jeans off completely and staring down at you hungrily.

“Y’out here sayin’ you don’t like dirty. You got such a mouth on you, baby, y’know it’s not good to go ‘round lyin’.” He pulled you towards him by your ankles, letting your legs fall over the edge of the bed before he kneeled in front of you and hiked them up on his shoulders. “See how I know you were lyin’?” He wasted no time showing you, pushing a thick finger into your cunt. “Drippin’ baby, fuckin’ soaked. S’all for daddy, isn’t it, sweetheart?” You moaned at the sudden intrusion. Just one of Joel’s fingers was enough to make you lose control completely. He twisted it inside you, pumping in and out slowly.

“Tell me it’s for daddy.”

“I—it’s all for, it’s all f—for daddy!” You gasped when you felt another one of his fingers exploring your slit, using your wet to force itself in beside his other finger.

“S’what I thought.” He curled his fingers, bringing his mouth down to your clit and sucking hard. You let out a scream of his name. He only sucked harder, letting the bundle of nerves go with a pop.

“Cum on my fingers, baby. C’mon now, give it to me.” You felt his fingers, still curled, start rubbing against the spongy spot inside of you. Your walls began to clench around his fingers, his mouth once again finding a pace on your clit. You came around his fingers with a jumbled mixture of gasps and screams, barely registering how he talked you through it.

“Good fuckin’ girl, that’s it. Yeah, show daddy what a good girl you are.” Joel placed another kiss on your clit, slowly slipping his fingers out of you. Though your mind was still foggy from the orgasm he had just given you, you whined at the sudden emptiness. When he stood above you again, you reached your arms up for him. He smiled down at you, bending over to kiss your forehead and then your lips.

“Don’t worry sweetheart, not done yet.” He straightened himself out a little, placing a knee on the bed next to you. You reached out to brush your fingers over his thigh. God, he was so muscular. You suppose, for all the walking he did, he should be, but still. Your legs were once again over his shoulders, now above you as he loomed over your naked figure. He took his cock in his hand, stroking himself as he lined himself up with your still dripping slit.

“Daddy’s gonna give you more baby, don’t worry.” You felt the tip of his cock nudge your clit before he lowered himself into your pussy. You both groaned at the contact; the squeeze of your cunt around his thick cock felt like heaven for each of you.

Once fully inside of you, Joel dropped the leg that had bed resting on the bed back to the ground, and pressed his body to yours, chest to chest. He pulled out till just his head was still resting in your pussy, before snapping his hips forward, shoving himself completely back into you, punching the air from your lungs.

“Missed this pussy,” he breathed out shakily, keeping a harsh pace, “missed feelin’ your tight fuckin’ cunt wrap around me like this.”

“Missed you so much, missed daddy’s cock—fuck!” He had your arms above your head now, wrapping his lips around one of your nipples and slowing his strokes slightly, continuing to fuck you deep. You rubbed your hips into his own, desperate for as much friction as you could get. He felt you bucking your hips, laughing at your desperation.

“Poor lil’ baby, such a needy fuckin’ pussy.”

“Dadd—y, need it!”

“Watch your mouth, darlin’, I’m givin’ it to you, ain’t I? Remember who you’re speakin’ to,” he sped up his thrusts, making your tits bounce while you lay back taking it. “Need some fuckin’ manners, baby.”

“I—fuck!—Please daddy, need to cu—m on your cock. Please!” You were begging, he had you exactly where he wanted you. Fucked out and messy, your hair sticking to your forehead and your slick dripping down his cock to your thighs. He loved when you got desperate. Fuck, he had missed you. He had been gone two, maybe three days, and all he could think about was coming home to you. One of his hands came down between your legs, fingers attaching to your clit. You arched your back, moaning, inviting him to touch you where you needed him most. He massaged your bud in tight, neat circles, his fingers moving faster than his thrusts.

He was fucking merciless.

“Can feel that pussy getting’ tighter on me. Y’gonna cum for me again, baby? Gonna cover daddy’s cock in your pretty fuckin’ juices?” His thrusts were beginning to speed up, and within a few more seconds of him fucking you senseless and talking you up (“Good girl, good girl gonna soak daddy’s big cock. That’s right, beautiful, make a fuckin’ mess on me.”) you were cumming hard around him. You grabbed at him, pulling him down onto you while he continued to push his cock deeper into you.

“That’s right, my fuckin’ girl. So good baby, tha’s it.” You scratched your nails down his back, legs shaking as you wrapped them around him. His thrusts became sloppy, nearing his high. You took it upon yourself to gain back a teeny bit of control.

“Cum, daddy, please. Want you to fill me up, want daddy’s cum.” He growled in your ear, fucking into you harder.

“Yeah? Want daddy to full this cunt with my fuckin’ load, baby?”

“Please, yes please,” you begged, still trembling from your own high.

“Gonna give it to you, sweetheart, gonna—shit, gonna fill you up so nice and deep—” He cut himself off with a deep thrust and a loud groan. You felt the warm spurts of his cum deep inside you, moaning at the sensation. He moaned, dropping himself down onto you. You stayed like that for as long as you could; his cock softening inside you, his full body weight pressing you into the springs of the old mattress, your breathing heavy. It was perfect.

“I missed you so much,” Joel panted out, still catching his breath. “M’sorry for comin’ home dirty. ‘Nd late.” He pushed himself up off of you, now mostly-soft cock sliding out of you, turning to lie on his back. You crawled up to him, lying on your side as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. You could feel his cum and yours dripping down the curve of your thigh and onto the mattress.

“You know I don’t mind. I know you’re out there keeping us all safe. You’re good at it.” You kissed his jawline. “Plus, means I get to welcome you back like this.” He smiled, letting you continue trailing kisses wherever you could reach.

“Just hate leavin’ you.”

“I know you’ll always come back home to me.”

He looked down at you, still smiling. You’ll never get used to seeing Joel Miller smile, but you’ll always love how he looked doing it. He kissed your forehead, pushing the hair out of your face before taking your chin in his hand and leaning you up to kiss him.

“I’ll always come back.”

#Pedro Pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #Joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #the last of us #tlou #the last of us smut #tlou smut #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction

[brbsoulnomming]

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Part 26

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | AO3

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"You boys all right?" Hopper calls, after the sound of Chief Powell reading Jason his rights has started to fade.

"Can't complain about the rescue," Eddie calls back.

"Doing a lot better than we'd be without you," Steve agrees.

"All right, just hang tight until I get confirmation that Carver's all settled in the cruiser and on his way to the station," Hopper says.

And Eddie sees the merit in that, really, he does, but Steve had dodged directly answering the question of if he was all right the same as Eddie had, and Eddie needs to see him.

He creeps off in the direction that he'd heard Steve's voice come from, sticking to the growing shadows, until he damn near collides with Steve - who must have had the same idea.

"Eddie," Steve breathes out, grabbing the front of Eddie's shirt and hauling him in for a kiss.

Eddie wraps his arms around him, holding him as close as he can as he kisses him back, every last bit of the terror he'd felt in the last however long coming out in sheer desperation.

"Eddie," Steve murmurs against his lips, his voice a little frantic like he needs to say it but doesn't want to stop kissing him. "Eddie, baby, are you hurt?"

"No," Eddie says, muffled by the fact that he can't stop kissing him, either. "No, I'm okay. Are you?"

Steve doesn't answer right away, kissing him again and again, and Eddie cups the line of his jaw, cradles it in his hand for a moment before he pushes his fingers into Steve's hair, checking for any tender spots.

"Hold up for a minute, let me look," Eddie insists, but he doesn't pull away when Steve stubbornly keeps kissing him.

"Stevie," he whispers, the sound stolen up by Steve's ragged inhale.

"I'm kind of trying not to freak out," Steve admits.

Eddie registers the press of something cold and hard against his chest where Steve's still holding his shirt, the clink of metal when he shifts, and he remembers the handcuffs.

"Fuck," Eddie curses. "What can I do?"

"You're okay, right? He didn't hurt you?"

For a moment, Eddie thinks Steve might be deflecting, but the look on Steve's face tells him no, he's answering Eddie's question just fine - that's what Eddie can do to reassure him.

"He didn't hurt me," Eddie says. "He pushed me a couple of times, and one made me lose my balance, but no damage."

"Let me see-" Steve starts, but Eddie shakes his head.

"Uh-uh. You let me see first, then you can look," he insists.

A tiny smile tugs at the corner of Steve's lips. "I take care of you, you take care of me?"

"Bingo. So no trying to get fresh with me again until I've had a good look, all right handsome?" Eddie teases.

This time, Steve lets him cup his jaw again, peering closely at his face. It's getting dark enough that Eddie can't tell exactly, but nothing looks broken. He's pretty sure he's going to have some bruising, though.

"Okay," Eddie says once he's satisfied - or as satisfied as he's going to get until they're home. "Your turn."

Steve lifts Eddie's shirt up without any preamble, peering at his stomach and chest and running his fingers over his skin. His touch brushes over some of Eddie's soulmate ink, and - oh, fuck, if last time was Steve's hands in his hair and hot water washing away a week's worth of grime, this is molten heat running down his spine, the taste of Steve's tongue in his mouth, the feel of his breath on the back of his neck. Eddie shudders, lips parted in a soft gasp.

"Eddie?" Steve asks.

"Soulmate words," Eddie says.

"Oh," Steve says absently. Then, "Oh."

"Yeah. Fuck, we're doing that again once we're home," Eddie says fervently.

Steve's looking at him again, all warm and happy like he's just had the best experience of his life.

"What?" Eddie asks.

"You said home," Steve replies softly, gently tugging Eddie's shirt down and leaning in to kiss him again.

Oh.

"It is," Eddie says. "With you and Robin, it is."

Steve closes his eyes, forehead pressing against Eddie's. They stay like that, tucked in close to each other, until Hopper's voice calls out and tells them it's safe to come out.

Hopper's got a flashlight on him, and he looks them both over when they emerge, the corners of his mouth dropping down lower and lower when he looks at Steve's face and wrists.

"Hey Chief?" Hopper says into the police issue radio he's got hooked on his belt, as they walk back towards Forest Hills.

"Yeah Hop?" Chief Powell asks.

"Get the handcuff master key out and ready for when we get to the station," Hopper tells him. "And you might want to add unlawful restraint to that list of charges."

Eddie blanches. "Who says we want to go to the station?" he grumbles.

"We can't do it tomorrow?" Steve asks.

"You'll be glad you got it over with," Hopper points out.

Which is probably true, but Eddie isn't going to give him the satisfaction of saying it.

"Got it," Chief Powell's voice comes back over the radio. "Which one of them is it?"

Hopper shoots him and Steve a little look. "Better get ready to hear from Lillian Harrington."

"Ah, shit," Chief Powell mutters. "All right, see you soon."

There's no police cars when they get back to the trailer - just Steve's BMW, still parked out front next to the abandoned boxes of Eddie's things.

"Can you help get those in the trunk?" Steve asks.

Eddie wants to point out that they don't feel all that important right now, but Hopper's already crouching down to pick two of them up, and Steve's awkwardly fishing his keys out of his jeans pocket. And it's - yeah, okay, if they went through all of this on a mission to get Eddie some of his life back, he doesn't want to come back empty handed, either. He picks up the last box, tucking it inside the trunk.

"Found this, too," Hopper comments, setting Steve's bat next to them.

Just the sight of it makes some of the tension leak out from Steve's shoulders.

"Get in," Hopper says. "I'll drive you to the station."

"It's my car!" Steve protests. "I've driven with way worse!"

"That's exactly why you're not driving now," Hopper says.

"That doesn't make any sense," Steve mutters.

"Stevie, if he isn't driving, I am," Eddie tells him. "You want me driving your car in my current state?"

"I know you've done it before, kid," Hopper adds, his voice gentler this time. "You shouldn't have had to then, and you don't have to now."

Steve looks away for a moment. Then he nods, clambering into the backseat of the car. Eddie joins him, sitting as close to him as he dares. Once they're in route - Eddie risks slipping his hand over, palm up. An offering, just in case.

Steve grabs it immediately, lacing their fingers together and holding on tight.

"How come the cops are so scared of your mom?" he asks Steve in a low voice.

There's a little laugh. "My mom's a lawyer. She's mostly a corporate lawyer now, but she was a criminal defense attorney for a while, and she'll still take some cases. She's going to be all over this."

Hopper gives a soft snort of amusement. "She's going to threaten to sue everyone from Powell to the mayor if Carver doesn't get charged the way she wants him to."

"She's a good lawyer," Steve agrees, grinning a little.

Hopper's eyes flick down in the rear view mirror, and Eddie knows he can see him and Steve holding hands. For a moment, his heart jumps into his throat - but Hopper doesn't say anything, just slips his gaze back to the road.

Flo's waiting for them with a set of keys and three steaming mugs of hot chocolate when they get to the station.

Eddie takes the keys before Hopper can, hurriedly unlocking the cuffs from Steve's wrists. Steve sags a little when they're gone, leaning into him for a moment before straightening up to accept his mug of cocoa.

"You can wait in the break room," Flo tells them. "The phone's free if you want to call your mom."

She ushers them in and closes the door.

Steve and Eddie take the threadbare couch, squished together, while Hopper plops down on a folding chair.

The phone's on a table by the couch, and Steve puts it on speaker after he dials.

"Wolfram, Hart, & Harrington, this is Lacey Shepherd speaking."

"Hi Lacey," Steve greets. "Can you connect me to Mrs. Harrington? This is Steven, one of her clients. I'm calling from a police station."

"One moment, please," Lacey says, before some truly terrible music drifts through the phone.

"One of her clients?" Eddie repeats.

Steve gives a little shrug. "She's working. She'll answer for a client."

But not for her son?

Eddie doesn't know why he's surprised, considering everything, but getting hit in the face with it like that is still a bit of a shock.

Fuck, he's going to hug Steve so hard after all of this.

Granted, he was going to do that anyway, because Eddie really wants a hug after this, but still.

The hold music stops.

"Steven?" Mrs. Harrington asks.

"Hi, Mom," Steve says.

"Steven." There's comprehension in her voice now. "What happened?"

"Jason Carver," Steve says. "He ambushed me with a gun when I was walking back to my car, threatened to kill me and my soulmate."

"Just threatened?" There's a sharp alertness in her voice now, and Eddie can hear the scratching of writing.

"He handcuffed me to a railing, took my soulmate out into the woods and shoved them around. Punched me in the face a few times."

"Punched you in the face," she repeats.

"In his defense, I was choking him with the handcuffs he made me put on," Steve adds.

"Steven Everett Harrington," she hisses. "I know you didn't just say that in a room full of cops."

"It's just Hopper," Steve says.

"No cops here now, Lillian," Hopper says.

She sniffs. "Once a cop, always a cop, Jim. You don't talk to cops."

If he wasn't for everything else he knew, Eddie might actually like her.

"What did the Carver boy say to you?" she asks.

"Uh - that he was trying to get justice and remove the curse from Hawkins. He said he believed we could do it. He was upset about Chrissy, and wanted to make us suffer. Something about planning to send people to Hell."

All technically true, and Eddie sure as shit isn't going to volunteer anything that puts Jason Carver in a better light.

"I knew that boy was unstable," she mutters. "The whole police force was wrapped up in looking for some insignificant gutter trash, and they're letting the real threats go around right under their noses."

Right, shit, so much for liking her.

Eddie slouches down, until he sees the anger in Steve's eyes. As nice as it would be to let him say whatever he's going to - Eddie puts a hand on his arm, shaking his head.

"You tell Chief Powell to call me after you're done giving your statement," she says. "If I don't hear from him in less than an hour, he won't like the outcome."

"Yes, Mom," Steve says.

The dial tone rings out in response.

"I don't want her to talk like that about you," Steve says immediately.

"I appreciate it," Eddie says, reaching out to gently brush his fingers against the bruise appearing on Steve's cheek. "But you've taken enough hits for me tonight. You can save swinging at your mom for later."

It wasn't until he said it that he recognizes the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knows Steve doesn't agree, knows he's made it very clear otherwise, but - part of him can't help but feel like this is his fault, like Steve wouldn't have had to go through tonight if Eddie wasn't his soulmate.

He doesn't say anything, but Steve narrows his eyes anyway.

"You're my soulmate," Steve says. "I don't regret it."

Hopper clears his throat, and Eddie jumps, his hand dropping away.

Fuck, he can't believe he almost forgot he was there.

"Hop," Steve says.

Hopper shakes his head. "He's your soulmate, right? Whatever that means, you got nothing to fear from me."

There's a beat of silence, then, "At least it's better than Mike Wheeler, anyway."

Eddie barks out a startled laugh, clamping one hand over his mouth.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Hopper grumbles. "I'm sending the little shit to you when he gets on my nerves."

It's not long before Chief Powell comes to take their statements. They give him the same spiel that they gave Steve's mom, with a little more detail about how Jason was trying to make Eddie confess.

Chief Powell sighs. "Boy's not saying much in there. I think he finally gets how much trouble he's in. I better go give Judge Ellison a call, then get Lillian on the phone."

He scrubs a hand over his face, then looks at Hopper. "You sure you don't want your job back?"

"Nah," Hopper replies with a grin. "It's all yours."

Steve doesn't put up a protest when Hopper gets into the driver's seat of the Bimmer this time. He just reaches one hand out, and Eddie takes it, giving it a soft squeeze.

"The whole motley crew's probably at your place by now," Hopper warns them as he drives. "Your girl called a code red. The only reason we didn't have the rest of those numbskulls showing up at Forest Hills in a panic is because she'd already called 911, and the police were on their way as soon as they heard Jason Carver and gun. Joyce took the kids and Argyle over to wait with Robin, so I'm sure the rest of them are there too."

Sure enough, the Wheelers' station wagon, Argyle's van, the Byers' car, and his uncle's truck are all parked outside when they get there.

Part of him thinks so much for getting to kiss Steve senseless, but the bigger part is touched that they're all here like this. He sneaks a glance over at Steve, sees a slightly stunned smile, and gives his hand another squeeze.

Hopper walks in first, mostly so he can fend off the immediate rush at the door.

Robin's the only one that gets past him, flinging herself at both of them and hugging them.

"I'm okay, Robs, we're okay," Steve whispers into her hair.

She hugs them tighter.

Then she steps back. His uncle is in her place immediately, folding Eddie up in his arms - and then hauling Steve in to hug him, too.

"I'm okay, we're okay," Eddie says.

Finally, his uncle lets go, too, letting the crowd get a better look at them.

"What happened?" Dustin demands. "Robin said Jason locked Steve up and dragged Eddie off somewhere!"

"Handcuffed," Steve says. "But I got free."

"Handcuffed?" Erica repeats flatly, shoving her way to the front of the group.

She looks him and Steve up and down. Eddie can see the way the fire in her eyes burns hotter and hotter as she lingers over the welts around Steve's wrists, the bruises on his face, the dirt and blood on Eddie's own hands. He hadn't noticed that before now, but he must have ripped at the edges of a couple of his fingernails, digging his hands into the ground like that.

Then Erica turns on her heel. "I'm going to call Tina."

"Tina?" Eddie asks, confused.

"She's the biggest gossip at Hawkins Middle," Erica replies. "Jason Carver is a ruined man."

"He's already in jail!" Steve calls.

"Yeah, and when I'm done with him, everyone will know what a psychopath he is!" Erica shouts back as she slams the door to the study down the hall.

Nancy makes this little giggling snort sound - the same one he heard her make when he was in the hospital, what feels like forever ago.

Apparently it was a good sound, because she's smiling.

"She's going to be a terror when she gets to high school," Robin says fondly.

"Yeah," Steve agrees. "I'm so proud of her."

"Ugh," Lucas groans.

"Luckily, she's got better friends than I did, to keep her grounded," Steve adds, looking out over all of them.

Joyce worms her way to the front, looking both of them up and down just like Erica.

And just like Erica, there's a ferocity to her as she takes them in, though hers burns cooler.

"Oh, honey," she murmurs. "Come on, let me look at you in the kitchen."

There's a moment of silence, then she looks at them.

"Both of you, now," she orders.

Well, not that much cooler.

"Hopper, will you order pizza for everyone? I know it's late, but I'm sure we could use it," she calls back as she ushers them into the kitchen.

She points them both to the kitchen table, and what the hell else is Eddie going to do but obediently sit? She digs into the freezer, gets out an ice pack and wraps it in a towel, then gently places it over Steve's eye and cheek.

"Hold it there for a little while," she tells him.

Then she wets another towel and comes over to Eddie, taking his hands in hers and gently cleaning them up. She looks at him with such softness and warmth when her eyes catch his that, horrifyingly, he feels his chin quiver a little, and he has to look away.

"I haven't gotten to tell you," she says quietly. "It was a very brave thing you did, helping fight against One."

"It doesn't feel like it," he finds himself admitting.

She hums softly. "Because you were scared?"

"Terrified," he agrees. "But because I didn't do enough."

She makes a tsk noise, wiping away the last of the grime and wrapping a bandaid around the tip of his finger, where a drop of blood had sprung up. "You're here. That's more than enough."

Jesus Christ, he's not going to cry, he's not.

She takes pity on him, patting his hand one more time and then going to check on Steve.

"That goes for you, too," she tells him as she lifts up the ice pack to take a peek, then puts it back down. "You think I haven't noticed that it's always you?"

"They're kids," Steve protests softly.

"So are you," she tells him, in the kind of tone that manages to be both gentle and leave no room for argument. "And you are worth more than how much damage you can take for them."

"Okay," Steve says, one hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

She tsks at him, then gently cleans the dirt off of his face and hands.

"There's juice and stuff in the fridge for everyone," he says.

"You're a sweetheart," she tells him.

Eddie snorts before he can stop himself.

She raises an eyebrow at him. "You have an opinion on that, Edward Munson?"

Shit.

"No ma'am," he says quickly, even though he knows it's a lie.

Steve drops the ice pack away from his face, grinning. He looks - a little punch drunk, a little like how he'd light up so high every time the house is filled with people. "That was a lie," he stage whispers to Joyce. "He definitely has an opinion."

She tries to hide her smile. "Oh? Enlighten us."

Eddie groans. "Look, I love Steve, okay, he's the kindest, bravest, best guy I know, but he's way too much of a bitch to be a sweetheart."

Steve cackles, head tilting back as he laughs.

Joyce has one hand over her mouth, her eyes wide and glistening with what looks like unshed tears. Eddie frowns, tries to think back to what he said - fuck, he'd said love, okay, but everyone knows Steve's his soulmate now, and he hadn't said what kind, so there's no way she'd assume -

She reaches out, takes one of their hands in each of hers. "Will you boys come to dinner on Sunday?"

Steve's brows furrow in confusion. "Well, yeah, of course."

"Good. Will and El missed you," she tells Steve, then nods at Eddie. "And I think Will's unsure about it, but I know he'd like to be in that club of yours. I think having you around, together, will be nice."

Oh.

Oh.

"Of course, Mrs. B," Eddie says, exchanging a look with Steve.

She squeezes both of their hands, smiling softly at them a moment longer. "Are you ready to go back out and face the questions?"

They are, and they do.

Eddie takes over, dropping into DM mode to spin the story of what happened into something a little more colorful, a little less scary - and manages to cut his poetic waxing about Steve ripping the railing off and choking Jason while handcuffed short when Robin pointedly nudges him.

He's just about done when Erica emerges, looking very satisfied with herself.

"The whole school knows all the details of what a creep Jason is now," she says. "Both schools, by morning."

Steve picks her up, twirling her around.

She shrieks.

"Steven Everett Harrington, you put me down!" she shouts at him, kicking her feet.

Eddie notices she doesn't actually do anything to try to get him to let her go, and her shrieking is definitely the more gleeful variety, but he doesn't point it out for fear of the verbal dressing down he'd get.

She flips her hair when he finally sets her down, loudly commenting, "Ugh!" as she storms off to the couch.

"Me next," El requests, holding her arms out to him.

Steve immediately picks her up, smiling wide and playful as he spins her around to the sounds of her delighted laughter.

When he sets her down, he turns to Max - who was apparently waiting for that, and promptly throws a couch pillow at him.

"Don't you dare! What, just because I'm a girl! How sexist is that, why don't you try to twirl one of the guys?" she demands.

Steve tilts his head like he's considering that. "Okay," he agrees.

Eddie expects him to chase down Dustin or Lucas - but instead, the next thing he knows there's a pair of arms around his waist and Steve is hauling him up to twirl him around.

He cackles, draping his arms over Steve's neck and tipping his head back. "Come on, Harrington, put those muscles to use and twirl me faster," he teases.

Steve spins him around again, then sets him down, beaming at him.

Joyce whacks him on the shoulder.

"Quit that," she scolds. "You should both be resting. Go, on the couch, the both of you."

"How does Erica even know your middle name?" Eddie asks Steve once they're settled on the couch, after Uncle Wayne, Hopper, and Joyce have gone back into the kitchen.

"I know everything," Erica replies smugly.

Dustin scoffs. "Sir Everett is Steve's paladin. She only knows because he told us when we played."

In his indignation, he says it loud enough for the whole room to hear, and Lucas, Mike, and Will's heads immediately swivel over to look at them.

There's a moment of silence, as Dustin seems to realize what he just said. His eyes widen, gaze cutting over to Steve.

"You told!" Erica shouts delightedly. "Shotgun privileges revoked for a year!"

"You played with my sister?" Lucas asks, sounding betrayed.

"What the hell!" Mike agrees. "He was our friend first!"

Steve raises one eyebrow at him.

"You were!" Mike insists. "We even made you a part of the Party and gave you a walkie everything!"

"You sure that wasn't just to con your way into free movies last summer?" Steve teases, hands on his hips.

"Steve," Lucas protests.

"I think we're forgetting that Dustin knew about this," Will points out.

"Will, come on!" Dustin whines.

"All right, how about this," Steve says. "Will, when are you running one again?"

Will looks thrown. "Me?"

"Yeah, you," Steve says.

"Oh, I, uh. I don't know." Will's gaze cuts over to Eddie, then skitters away so quickly he's not completely sure it happened.

Yeah, looks like Joyce was right about him being uncertain. Eddie remembers Steve saying that Will was leaving his party behind and didn't want anything to play for a present, but his friends clearly hadn't done the same. Eddie can see how that'd cause some conflicting feelings.

"I've heard a lot about you," Eddie chimes in.

He feels Steve tense briefly next to him, then relax when it's clear Eddie isn't lying.

"What?" Will asks, looking back at him.

"Oh, yeah. Not to my face, of course, before spring break these little shits were terrified of me - and I already mourn the loss - but I heard them talking." He clears his throat, making his voice all high and squeaky. "'Can you believe that? Will never would have done that! Will would have given him a whole backstory! Will's introduction was ten times more interesting!'"

All right, maybe he's playing it up a bit - but he had overheard them talking about the differences in his and Will's styles a few times, and there were times that they liked Will's better.

"I wasn't the only one who DMed, though, Mike used to do it, too," Will says, face a little pink.

"Yeah, but you're way better," Mike says earnestly. "Remember how long my last couple of campaigns took me to plan and how quick we finished them?"

"Tell you what," Steve says. "You both work up one together, and Eddie, Robin, and I will play."

Jesus Christ, it's like Christmas came early.

Eddie cackles. "Just wait, boys, you haven't seen me as a player yet."

"Why am I roped into this now?" Robin protests, but it's the tone of voice she uses when she's going to do it, she just wants to bitch.

"We'll all play," Jonathan cuts in, glancing over at Nancy and Argyle. "Right, guys?"

"Oh, for sure. Bring it on, little dudes," Argyle agrees.

"Fine," Nancy says, rolling her eyes, but she's smiling. "I'm not dressing up, though."

"Dress up?" Eddie repeats, pouncing on it immediately.

"No!" Nancy retorts immediately.

Eddie wriggles, twisting so he can peer at her from over Robin's shoulder, eyes wide and beseeching. "Come on, Wheeler," he whines.

She glares at him, managing to hold it for a few seconds before she caves. "Fine! Remember this when it comes time for your study sessions."

Shit, that's right.

…eh, worth it.

"Dress up?" El repeats.

"Yeah, but boring dress up, not fun dress up like at the mall," Max says.

Eddie clutches his heart. "Mayfield. Don't you want to be a maiden fair? A tiefling princess?"

Max narrows her eyes at him.

El squeezes Max's hand.

"If I get a mace," Max says. "And I get to hit Munson with it at some point. I'll consider it."

"Deal!" Eddie immediately agrees.

He's pretty sure she means her character, and he can sacrifice a few hit points.

…she definitely means her character, right?

Eh, still worth it.

"Wait, there's costumes now?" Steve asks.

Eddie drops himself back over Steve. "Don't worry, I've got you covered."

Steve pulls a face. "Great," he mutters, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Mike and Will, who'd bowed their heads together to have a quick, fervent discussion, separate to look back up at the group.

"Okay," Will says. "We'll let you know when we've got it worked out."

The pizza arrives not long after, and even though he, Steve, and Robin already put away one earlier - that feels like forever ago, and he still devours a few more slices.

Eddie kind of expects some of them to go home at some point that night, but they never do.

Uncle Wayne takes the guest room that Steve told him he could have, and Joyce and Hopper end up in the other one. The rest of them all crash out in the living room, on couches and chairs and in sleeping bags.

No one bats an eye when he, Steve, and Robin tangle themselves up in each other.

Eddie falls asleep surrounded by his family, and thinks - there's no better feeling in the whole damn world.

Just one more part left, and then this will finally be wrapped up!

-----

Part 27

Tag list (always happy to add more for the last bit!): @vampireinthesun @koibug @estrellami-1 @mentalcyborg @allbimyself26 @questionablequeeries @the-s-is-silent @whimsicalwitchm @a-gae-af-racoon @tinyplanet95 @n0-1-important @velocitytimes2 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @newtstabber @jcmadgirl @roblingoblin285 @lexyvey @paperbackribs @goodolefashionedloverboi @evix-syne666 @raisedbylibrarians @stxrcrossed186 @nightmareglitter @greekgeek24 @starman-jpg @crazyhatlady86 @imfinereallyy @manda-panda-monium @deleataecount @prideandsensibility @chaoticvictorianspirit @maydillydally @disrespectedgoatman @scarlet-malfoy @i-less-than-three-you @hbyrde36 @hallucinatedjosten @dragonsandgayships @arepaconchocolate @g4ys0n @novelnovella @bisexualdisastersworld @ghostofyourvampiregf @scarletyeager @pettrichore @nerd-and-nervous @hiimlevi @queenie-ofthe-void @cinnamon-mushroomabomination

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #steddie fic #robin buckley #dustin henderson #erica sinclair #joyce byers #jim hopper #steddie soulmate au

[wutheringskies]

Re-reading MDZS: CH 11 - 16

I'm rereading MDZS with my friend @zenenini out loud (with voice acting, it's so fun!) and here are some of our observations:

1. Wei Wuxian is such a gaslighting girlboss. The narrative is written interestingly, where firstly, we see the actions and the dialogues and only afterwards are we exposed to Wei Wuxian's thoughts - such as him sneaking out from behind "Lan Wangji's area of protection" to get whipped by Jiang Cheng in a way that he'll only crash into Lil Apple and prove that he's not possessed this body.

2. Lan Wangji's Wangji is stronger than Jiang Cheng's Zidian. The line went like, "the former waned, the latter waxed." And Wangji produces ripples of energy like a wave, and brightens up the night sky to look like it's daytime.

3. Even if Wei Wuxian is the ultimate evil overlord patriarch, the public cannot deny his talents, his looks and his charming personality. I found it extremely funny that they didn't comment on the increduility of the charming, 4th ranked Yiling Laozu possessing the body of a cutsleeve because Jiang Cheng, who was ranked 5th, was there and they didn't want to anger him by complimenting wei wuxian.

4. Sizhui is such a wangxian child - like he's got the manners of Lan Wangji and the wits of Wei Wuxian. Sizhui is a REAL mediator, not Lan Xichen.

5. Lan Wangji probably thought Wei Wuxian played Wangxian or came under his "protection" willingly because he'd have remembered the past.

6. Wei Wuxian calculated everything perfectly down to the last detail of how to get away from Jiang Cheng etc, but did NOT expect Lan Wangji's personality change and has stated twice he believes him to be possessed instead.

7. On the matter of Jiang Cheng, like I said - Wei Wuxian previously never compared Jiang Cheng to anybody, even encouraging his natural talents. He knew Jiang Cheng hated comparison the most, yet throughout the narrative in present time, he compares Jiang Cheng with Lan Wangji relentlessly.

8. Wei Wuxian has not experienced a single positive emotion upon seeing Jiang Cheng well, etc, only disbelief that his hatred was still strong. Jiang Cheng has only felt disgust towards Mo Xuanyu being gay, and anger, hatred and a desire to torture Wei Wuxian.

9. Wei Wuxian is such a Lan, like I'm always shocked by just how much Lan stuff he explains - the origins behind the name Cloud Recesses, the discipline wall, the manner of the disciples, etc.

10. Lan Wangji: Let him cry. When he is done, drag him inside. (fuck)

Lan Xichen: you should treat your guests with more courtesy

Lan Wangji: anyway you are going to meet Jin Guangyao again lol bye

Lan Wangji: drag him inside

Wei Wuxian: ???

11. The fact Lan Wangji can read behind Wei Wuxian's intentions - he knows WiFi will annoy his brother, so he silenced him.

12. I also wonder just what was going inside Lan Xichen's head. How are you so aloof bro, let me know what are your thoughts? Btw, loved how we got told about the Jin Discussion Conference rn.

13. There was a paragraph comparing the statuses of illegitimate sons of Jin Guangsham, I found that interesting.

14. Wei Wuxian thinks both Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng are against him, yet it's better to be locked up than be whipped!

15. Wei Wuxian ALWAYS notes the scent of sandalwood when Lan Wangji is involved and what does he say again, the smell "had a way of tugging at one's heartstrings???" like bro... it's just you. But what's insane is that, he's moving towards the incense (probably in an attempt to smell like Lan Wangji!) What Zene and I said about this was "bro, you're probably are just a zither under Lan Wangji's hands cause why does everything tug at you"

16. Reading Wei Wuxian's narrative is like: although it wasn't sentimental: IT WAS SENTIMENTAL. HE MISSED IT.

17. Wei Wuxian thinking of how Lan Wangji probably practices his zither in this room, etc, and then randomly throwing in the knowledge that btw, he used to dig graves, find holes etc is so him.

18. Wei Wuxian had the greatest idea of stealing a jade token, and he was even aware of how the security would be like - like, this guy, apparently has the worst memory ever. and he remembered where the cold springs were exactly. WHY? Because of that ONE moment. 19. Wei Wuxian already recognized Lan Wangji from behind - he commented that the person was a bathing beauty.

20. The fact Wei Wuxian was looking at Lan Wangji in a 'im attracted' sort of way, but rationalised it by saying that he was only looking at the scars, or the seal, and that of course, he can't be actually attracted to a man! Like, ugh, bro. You have a storm coming. 21. Lan Wangji: are you sure that this is what you want? WWX: blushing like a slut LWJ: then stay like this for the whole night Me: SKDJKSJDKSJDKSJDKSJDKSDJKSDJKSDJSKDJKJ 22. The fact that Wei Wuxian couldn't sleep, and THAT is why he went to Lan Wangji's room, and then rationalized it by saying that he was gonna get the jade token - and then he threw himself onto Lan Wangji. Also, the fact that he's so chill about escaping, like i bet he's thinking, let's just have as much fun as we can, i'll leave anyway ~~ 23. Lil Apple is Wei Wuxian's comfort person, therapist, mother, and best friend. 24. Wei Wuxian sad thoughts about how Lan Wangji probably thought about him like everyone else did - a tyrant, etc. And him mocking the Lan Sect's 'righteousness.' 25. Wei Wuxian had thoughts about the sear. LIKE DON"T BE A COWARD SPEAK THEM OUT. Also, Wei Wuxian had thoughts about Lan Wangji dressed down, in simple, night robes. >< 26. Wei Wuxian trying to think over their relationship and describing it as moments that got lost in the bigger span of time. 27. 15 year old Wei Wuxian was IT. like, idk, he was just IT. Also, Jiang Cheng just exists to mock, berate, warn, make fun of, etc. And Nie Huaisang was already so keen, like he noticed that LQR was targeting WWX more than the others, and didn't dismiss his ideas. 28. LQR: as a disciple of the YMJ sect, you shouldn't be too proud at knowing these things Also LQR: look at my self taught, prodigy born, second heir, best disciple Lan Wangji, who knows everything! And of course, as the second heir, he is expected but that's not the point. The point is HE IS BETTER THAN YOU AND YOU ARE A MENACE TO SOCIETY. WWX: ah, yeah, fuck this imma out 29. LQR forewarned us about WWX's future TT 30. LWJ didn't express as much outrage over Wei Wuxian's demonic theories as LQR did, but he was intrigued. 31. Dude, Zene and I were thinking of just how many regrets LWJ fostered for 13 years. WWX: Lan-er-gongzi, do me a favour and look at me! WWX: Won't you look at me? WWX: Lan Zhan, look at me! WWX: Do you... hate me that much? WWX: I really wanted to apologize! 32. VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL: In a way, both Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng got punished with the discipline whip for saving Wei Wuxian, and the discipline scar remains as a reminder to 'never make the same mistake again.' But Lan Wangji makes this 'mistake' every day. Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, despite getting his whip mark from the 'unrighteous people' never protected Wei Wuxian again. 33. The detail that people in the Jiang Sect have so much servitude towards Jiang Cheng, and are so in-tune with the regular ploy of 'catch the demonic cultivator to torture him.' 34. Wei Wuxian fucking gaslighted the HECK out of Lan Wangji! He's so dauntless, like, nothing scares him bro, i understand why people wanted to off him. LIKE HE's SO ON THE PAGE. 35. Wei Wuxian: Lan Wangji is very pretty. VeRY PRETTY. Wei Wuxian: who cares if he hates me, does he think he is that pretty?

Also WWX: YEAH FUCK HE IS THAT PRETTY 36. Wei Wuxian: why should i learn the lan clan rules? i don't intend to marry in the lan clan! (also wwx, using about 3-4 lan rules at lwj to rile him up) 37. Lan Wangji: You, go outside, we have fought before. (clown music) Wei Wuxian: Against the rules HAHAHAHAHAHA LWJ: WHAT SORT OF PERSON ARE YOU? WWX: A MAN. 38. WWX tried to befriend LWJ for a month or so, he failed, and he decided to make him experience his firsts - the first time he shouted and cursed was at WWX LOLOL. 39. NHS being like don't worry bro keep up the free entertainment and you can get as many porn books as you like!

#mo dao zu shi #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #canon jiang cheng #my thoughts #rereading mdzs #mdzs with fea and zene #novel excerpt

[loveinhawkins]

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 ao3

When it gets dark, they put the bedside lamp on so they can talk and still see each other—but once he’s lying down, Eddie finds himself drifting off far sooner than he’d planned. He doesn’t even realise that he’s falling asleep, just hears Steve’s voice fade into a distant, warm blur of sound, and then…

He’s gently pulled back to consciousness when he hears paper being turned over. Blinking drowsily, he watches Steve reading something, upper body leaning slightly to the side so that more of the lamplight falls on the page.

“Bedtime story?” he asks around a yawn.

Steve’s eyes flick up, crease a little at the corners when he smiles. “Not exactly.”

He turns another page, and then Eddie sees that there’s multiple sheets collated together into a file.

“Got a souvenir,” Steve says, and he wiggles the file, as if to say ta-da!

Eddie snorts. “You’re so fucking weird.”

“Pot, meet kettle,” Steve says rather smugly. “No, I mean, just look at this shit.”

He brings out the top page, and it takes a moment for Eddie’s eyes to adjust, to see that the majority of it is redacted, whole paragraphs made unreadable by thick strips of black ink.

“Wow, so informative, right?” Steve says dryly, and then he must read Eddie’s reaction from his face, because he suddenly says, “Oh, come on, dude, please laugh or I’ll go crazy. I’m giving you permission and everything.” He even has the audacity to pout, like he’s bombed the punchline to a joke at a party. “Come on, Eddie, it’s funny.”

“It’s not even a little bit funny, man,” Eddie says, but he ends up kind of laughing anyway, because Steve completely overplays a look of awe at every black paragraph before saying, “This is what I wished I could’ve done to my report cards.”

They sober as Steve thoughtfully lines up the papers.

“You can read them, if you want,” Steve adds, more seriously. “I’m guessing these parts,” he gestures to the large redacted portions, “are just, like, the… circumstances or whatever. Shit you already know.”

Eddie gingerly takes the file. His eyes are drawn to each black line despite the fact that he can’t make anything out; his stomach sinks as he skims them—he doesn’t need to know what they say, feels like the circumstances will be etched onto the back of his eyelids forever.

One of the papers is a discharge note, detailing the pain medications Steve has been instructed to take. Overleaf there’s a hand drawn schedule in pencil; Eddie recognises Steve’s handwriting. Remembers it from taking fleeting glances at Steve’s papers—on the rare occasions that teachers would deem him responsible enough to hand out the class test results.

There’s asterisks added to Steve’s schedule in another hand, noting when he should take food alongside the meds—and from the care in that, Eddie knows it’s been written by Joyce.

He flips back to where the text first starts to be readable, where the watered down version of Steve’s injuries is described.

At first there aren’t any surprises: the broken leg, the open wounds on the skin which are just stated as being ‘animal bites’—which, Eddie supposes, is not exactly a lie.

Then he gets to the bruise on the arm:

No fracture—patient occasionally describes feeling as if the limb has been broken. This is not the case.

Lungs clear after treatment (see: Patient A).

And Eddie finds a note that actually includes the time in which it was written—one in the morning. He has a brief second of wondering why that’s familiar when it clicks: this will be when Steve woke up, just after Eddie left the hospital.

Patient reported moderate to severe levels of pain when breathing.

Eddie thinks of Steve insisting that no staff be called; of him giving Eddie all the time in the world to talk, just because he needed it. And all the while, never letting on that…

Eddie sets the papers down on the bedside cabinet. “You—Steve. You never said that it hurt to breathe, man.”

Steve’s brow pinches a little. “Not—not all the time, just if I breathe too deeply.”

“Oh well, that’s fine,” Eddie can’t stop himself from quipping back, because it’s either that or scream.

Steve rolls his eyes. “I mean it. The drugs are helping; they kinda already knew what to—see Patient A? That’s Will. He was breathing in all kinds of Upside Down shit for seven days straight, so really, I got the better—”

“Jesus H. Christ, Harrington, I can only tolerate so much crap. Were you seriously about to fucking tell me that you’re better off somehow—”

“Jeez, all right,” Steve huffs. “Point taken.” But then he softens. “I mean it, though, it’s getting better. S’what the meds are for. And it’s just, like—yeah, it’s a stabbing kinda pain, but it’s gone in a blink.” Eddie must still look dubious, because Steve huffs again and says, “Here.”

And he takes Eddie’s hand, guides it to rest on his sternum. He breathes in deliberately so, and Eddie feels it beneath his hand, feels the briefest moment when Steve’s breath stutters.

“See? It’s getting better,” Steve says. “It’ll be gone soon, I can feel it.”

Eddie keeps his hand on Steve’s chest for a little longer, beyond Steve’s demonstration. The deepening breaths Steve takes begin to calm him, and he wonders faintly if Steve feels the same, if maybe his touch somehow helps each inhale come easier.

His own breathing slows in unconscious imitation, and his hand gradually slips down from Steve’s chest. He feels the warmth of Steve gently manoeuvring his hand so he won’t get pins and needles.

“Go to sleep,” Steve whispers. “You’re tired.”

Eddie hums in agreement. His last look is of Steve reaching for the file again, re-reading the schedule. The lamplight softens his face even more, reminds Eddie of the Hollywood lighting in old romantic movies.

Steve’s movements are subtle but there: the little furrow of his brow as he thinks, his eyes slowly drifting across the page. The way his lips half-form whatever it is he’s writing.

The thought comes to Eddie slowly—not a lightning bolt, but more like the quiet patter of rainfall: that Steve is so beautiful, exactly like this. So alive.

He sinks down, down, and doesn’t register when he slips into a dream. Into a memory.

-

He’s gripping Steve’s hand, feels the awful slackness of it, and it’s so, so cold; no-one should ever feel that cold.

“Wake up,” Eddie breathes. His chest is catching, heaving; each inhale burns with an emotion he doesn’t dare acknowledge. “W-wake up, just—stop doing this, don’t—please—”

But you’ve been here before, haven’t you? says a distant part of his mind that isn’t screaming. Eddie hates it, hates the icy calmness of it. When you beg for them to wake up, it’s already too late.

You have already doomed him.

Eddie can’t stop the wail in time. Takes Steve’s hand and squeezes, presses it to his cheek like he can somehow pass on warmth that way.

Take it from me, he thinks numbly. I’ll do anything. God, anyone, help him, help him.

“Just fucking l-look at me,” he says, and he’s sobbing in earnest now. Because Steve Harrington’s eyes should not be…

Dreadful screaming. Robin. “No. Steve, Steve! God, Nancy, what do we do?”

The sound of them collapsing to the ground. Eddie can’t even look at them, can’t take his eyes off Steve, can’t—

“Robin,” Nancy says. Quiet, quiet. “It’s too late.”

“No.”

Barely there in his periphery, Eddie sees Robin stand, shake her head over and over. And then she’s off, scrabbling over chasms, running no matter how many times Nancy calls her name. Running like it’s the end of the world.

Because it is.

“I don’t—don’t know what to do,” Eddie whispers. “Do I—sh-should I move him or—”

“Eddie—”

“Fucking don’t.”

“I wasn’t quick enough,” Nancy says. “I’m—I’m so sorry.”

“No, you’re not—he just needs to breathe, how do we—?”

“There’s nothing we can do,” Nancy says, and she’s crying; and Eddie feels something in him shatter irretrievably, because deep down, he knows.

He already knows.

The haunting screech of sirens. Robin’s harsh breathing.

“We can get him some help, they can—”

“Robin—”

“No, Nancy. We can’t just give up on—”

“That’s not what I’m—”

Sirens, growing louder and louder.

“Oh, shit,” Robin says suddenly, and that finally makes Eddie look. Her eyes are wide. “Eddie, I never—never thought—” Her gaze shifts to Nancy, like she knows Eddie isn’t really listening. “Nance, is it safe for him to—? Should he hide?”

Eddie laughs. Weeps. What does it matter? Nothing fucking matters anymore.

“I—I can’t leave him,” he says. “I can’t leave him, I—”

“Okay, okay—”

“—can’t leave him a-all alone, he shouldn’t be alone—”

“Hey, hey. Eddie, you’re okay.”

Eddie wakes with tears on his face, shaking. But it’s like his mind can’t catch up, still feels like it’s trapped in a dream, and he can’t stop himself from begging, “D-don’t go, don’t go. Please.”

“Shh, shh, shh. I’m right here.”

Steve’s hand on his, warm, warm, warm. A chest rising and falling. A heart beating.

“You’re okay,” Steve repeats, and he’s looking right at Eddie, like his heart is breaking. “M’not going anywhere.” He covers Eddie’s hand with his own. “We’re safe. We’re both right here.”

“Fuck,” Eddie says. Something in his chest rises, like a wave about to break. His mouth twists.

He tilts his face into his pillow and bursts into tears.

#the self sacrificial steve agenda #steddie #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie

[animereviewsbykyranskye]

My current top 15 Anime and why

Because why the fuck not. I'm doing top 15 so that I have some variety behind it. Otherwise I would just be gushing non stop XD

Apparently numbers go big now - AND THEY GO SMALLER IF YOU TRY TO TYPE IN THE SAME LINE AS THEM???

comparison:

15

15 -

DA HECK????

(Edit: I was going to colour all the numbers because I wanted a rainbow. WHY THE FUCK FOR THEY CHANGE TO SMALL WHEN YOU COLOUR THEM??????)

Guess the titles of the anime get a small heading. Anyways. Onto the actual list!

15

Technoroid OVERMIND

Ayo. Starting out with a really random one. So if anyone were to look at my Anilist then they might be a bit confused. I decided I'd keep movies out of here as well as anything I haven't specifically finished. Also takt op. Destiny needs a re evaluation.

Anyways. This premise is so sick and I feel like they managed it really well. The characters were all really fun and the music was fantastic which is honestly the most important thing about Idol shows. I really like idol shows but often struggle with the stupid drama in them that just leads to seasons upon seasons that didn't need to happen or wouldn't actually happen.

In this they're just androids. The fantasy twist works so well for the genre and I honestly don't know why it isn't done more often. This way they can bullshit the drama and it actually makes sense.

Honestly my favourite character was Kite. He was great and his voice always gave me shivers. Especially his piece in the closing. Damn.

I don't want to go into full reviews with this, rather just gushing about things I like and stuff. I really don't think this got the recognition it deserves - probably because of it's deviation from the norm - but it would be cool to get some sort of sequel.

(Edit: There's a manga releasing apparently. Imma check that out.)

14

UniteUp!

Continuing on with the trend of idol animes apparently. UniteUp! was so good. As I mentioned in my Reviews while I watch of the show, it felt so grounded and real that other idol shows just don't seem to capture. These were all real people with real problems dealing with real life.

I also like how we had such a large cast of characters but it never really felt overwhelming as they focused on group dynamics and specific individuals rather than trying to cram every single person into their own arcs.

Once again the music was fantastic and by god was this show pretty gay. Honestly I don't know what the sentiments of others are, but the Anela duo definitely weren't straight and neither were Akira and Daiki. That bath scene says it all.

Anyways. If you want a fun time with a really solid idol anime, please check it out. I saw earlier that we're getting a season two soon. I am so looking forward to it.

13

Trigun Stampede

Damn! I don't even know what to really say about this one. The visuals are absolutely stunning - there is no doubt about that. The score and the characters are excellent. And how dare they leave us on that cliff hanger.

I have absolutely no history with this story and still need to watch and read the originally but I am really looking forward to seeing how the story adapts between the three.

You can ask my partner. I've already said we're watching everything trigun related as soon as we are done with our current show.

I'm really looking forward to season two. And especially seeing how this all pans out. Apparently there will be tears according to the fandom. Concern.

12

Re-main

Damn this show came out of nowhere for me. I watched it quite awhile ago and have been meaning to rewatch it again.

The premise is definitely a sports anime but honestly so different. All because of one thing. The fact that he is an amnesiac is such a fascinating concept to work with - especially with how he was before (trying not to spoil - can't remember when this comes up in the anime)

And then the ending?? Damn. They seriously set up that cliff hanger and I really hope this show gets a sequel.

I really can't say too much about it without giving away some spoilers but damn does it change up the formula and do it so fucking well.

11

Given

Given is great. Such a pure but heartbreaking portrayal of love on one side with such conflicting but also nurturing views on the other. Having the different realtionships throughout this is really well done how they all bounce off of each other. Especially when they entertwine it with the music.

As it is said. That is how they communicate - through the music.

I'm busy catching up with the manga and really hope the anime continues with it.

Also the fucking is just fucking gorgeous. It has no write to hit you that hard.

Also - something else that shouldn't be allowed to hit you that hard. Damn Mafuyu has had a difficult past. We love how he learns to heal and grow with Uenoyama at his side.

Anyways, moving on.

10

Bakuten!!

Okay. Who said a sports anime could be this pretty.

I love the art style and the music throughout all of this. I love the portayal and the evolution of these character - seriously all their arcs are great. The interactions of the team is so tangible and real.

I watch a lot of sports anime and I often struggle with some of the drama used within the sports - it feels like the only thing that ever fuels the story is the matches. Whereas in Bakuten - the character seriously fuel the story. You can understand their motivations much more than just - I want to play this sport and be the best!

I also feel like they really captured everything really well in the movie. The whole concept of wanting to sore is great and really well executed.

I also love the interactions they have with the other team. It's not just a once off competition or practice match that they face each other. We actually get tangible characters for the whole team and see how much they two teams are similar to one another. It's a very healthy rivalry that isn't normally this expanded on in sports anime.

9

Sasaki and Miyano

Yesssssss. These two are just absolutely amazing. Their whole story arc and relationship is just tooth rottingly sweet. They bounce off of each other so well.

And I love the fact of how slow the actual story is. They meet at the start of Miyanos first year (from what I know - I still need to read the novels) and sasaki's second and they only end up confessing just before graduation happens. It really plays out well and is so healthy.

There is no problematic elements like in so many BL stories which is such a breath of fresh air. And the fact that sasaki is very specific about making sure to maintain boundaries to ensure that miyano is comfortable is also excellent.

On a slightly different note - I still need to see the Hirano and Kagiura movie. Been dying to watch it. I've been keeping up to date with both manga and both of these stories are amazing. I love the dichotomy of the two stories and how they are coming to their own realisations of their feelings in honestly very different ways.

I also recently watched the dub of the anime due to some videos on tiktok. Fucking hell it is absolutely hilarious. Kellen Goff as Sasaki has no reason for being that good. Seriously. Damn.

8

Link Click

On a completely different note. Damn this one makes you questions your own morals and reality as you know it.

I really don't want to get into this one much as I do believe watching it blind is the best way to go.

The art style is fantastic and that opening hits like a truck it is so good. The characters just click (pun not intended) and you just understand their motivations and don't know which side to side with most of the time. It brings about such high moral dilemmas that will seriously mess with your brain sometimes and there is one episode that will likely make you cry.

Anyways. Season 2 has just started airing and I am so ready for it.

7

Buddy Daddies

Why did a show about two queer platonic dudes who adopt a child while beings assassins hit so damn hard.

The show jumps between episodes with backstory and episodes with them just being good dads and it is balanced so well. This anime won't end up getting a sequel most likely with how it ended but damn I wouldn't say no to one.

Rei is my favourite character and I relate to him far too much. His interactions with the world are so fascinating and his whole arc with Miri is honestly some of the best media I've seen.

I absolutely loved watching this show weekly and it always brightened up my day when I realised a new episode would be up.

If you would like further thoughts on this one then check the Reviews while I watch on it for more chaos.

6

No Game No Life

So. This was the first ever anime that I ever watched. It was a random recomendation from a friend. Look at where we are today.

This show is honestly just so fun. The characters are silly and the whole plot is just absolute chaos. I really enjoy the games aspect and how it was all incorporated into the world.

I can't even really say much about it. It is just a guilty pleasure of mine and will always hold a special place in my heart.

Also. Please can it just get a second season already.

5

Assassination Classroom

So. Unlike everything else on the list - this one I only finished really recently. My partner and I were watching it together. And to put it out there straight away. I cried. That ending was far too emotional.

I really enjoyed the humour throughout the whole thing as well as the constant underlying dread of the whole situation.

They also really played out Koro-senseis backstory really well. The teasing to it was excellent. I must say though that one of the twists seriously came out of left field. Like damn.

I've just recently bought the boxset and am reading through the manga. Once again. It's absolutely amazing.

Also the openings of them all jumping are absolutely fucking hilarious and you can't tell me otherwise.

If you want to know what officially sold me on the show was just in the first episode. (Note we watched in dub)

Don't ask me why but I found this to be the most hilarious thing ever. The absurdity and the line delivery was magnificent. I annoy my partner by quoting it atleast once a day.

4

Life Lessons with Uramichi Oniisan

Speaking of comedies. This show has no right to be this good. The absudist dead pan comedy in the middle of whats meant to be a TV show is such a random premise but just works so well.

Due to the nature of the show, the characters are extremely relateable. I especially love Kumatani and Kikaku.

If your on the same side of anime tiktok that I am then you have definitely seen/heard snippets of the dub.

I think this was the first anime that I originally watched in sub and then tried it in dub and actually enjoyed it. (I often find that whatever I originally watched it in is the only one I can watch it in - it's very difficult for me to change it)

The voice acting on both sides just works perfectly for the show. And that final episode and how they did it was the best thing ever.

Please just give it a try.

3

Angel Beats

Okay. Time for a hard hitter. This comedy like assassintaion classroom is fucking excellent but will make you cry, like damn.

In complete and utter contrast to No game no life, this was the second anime I had ever watched. I had found a video that gave some suggestions and thought I would give this one a try. When I say it destoryed me, I mean it literally. I constantly think about the end of this and I absolutely love revisiting it.

The twist and turns along the way are fascinating and I love how each one alters the characters and the narrative. Each of the characters feel unique - even the lesser developed side characters - with fascinating and complex backstories.

The whole thing just makes you question your own place in life.

2

Moriarty the Patriot

Another one I just randomly tried because I saw a video on tiktok. The first episode immediately pulled me in. I thought it was just going to be some simple detective story (At the time I didn't know much about Sherlock Holmes and who Moriaty was so I didn't have any of that to guide me into this story.) But nope.

I keep saying this but in this one I really mean it. The characters are built so well. The dichotomy between William and Sherlock - as the fandom would probably agree - is just amazing. How they bounce off of each other - i don't even know how to really descirbe it.

Honestly just go watch it.

And if you enjoyed the anime - please go check out the manga too. If the anime was done well - then the manga is done to lamost perfection.

This show was what got me into reading and then eventually buying manga. I now have every single one that is out.

1

Yuri!!! on ICE

Did I make the title gay? Yes.

Okayyyyy. This is just going to be me going on about how much I love this show. Bare with me.

So I was in an anime watching slump just before I picked up this show. I had been seeing some videos popping up talking about it and decided to give it a try (this was in 2020)

I immediately fell in love with this show. Literally everything about it. I ended up rewatching it three times over the course of a week. It got to a point where I was so upset that there wasn't more content for it that I just cried for half a day. (Ask my partner - it was chaos)

This show is the reason I now read fanfiction - all because I found a way to technically have more content for it.

This show holds such an important place in my heart that I sincerely cannot express it properly.

If you've never watched it - go give it a try. It would mean a lot - and hopefully one day we might get a season two.

----

Thanks for reading, if you managed to get to this point. I find it interesting how my explanations managed to slowly get shorter throughout the list as I just started becoming more emotional than factual.

I hope you enjoyed it and maybe grabbed a recommendation or two. If you'd like to know more or hear me ramble on more about anything in particular then please let me know.

#anime #review #kyranskye #reviews while i watch #technoroid overmind #uniteup! #trigun stampede #re-main #no game no life #given anime #bakuten #sasaki to miyano #hirano to kagiura #link click #life lessons with uramichi oniisan #buddy daddies #assassination classroom #angel beats #moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #yuri on ice #yuri!!! on ice

[itsyoung8]

The age of the students at Bullworth Academy (part III)

Salut! Today I'm going to attack the age of the Greasers! Enjoy reading and don't hesitate to let me know what you think!

Details:

-> I'm going to assume that Bullworth Academy is a high school

-> Since it is a high school located in the United States, four years ago and not three as in Europe (ex: France). That's why I'm going to make the following cut:

1st year: 14-15 years old - Freshman

2nd year: 15-16 years old - Sophomore

3rd year: 16-17 years old - Junior

4th year: 17-18 years old - Senior

Greasers:

Johnny Vincent:

Johnny constantly uses the word "kid" in his lines of dialogue. I think he's a 17-18 year old senior because, I repeat, who calls someone "kid" when you're the same age or slightly older by a year or two? No one.

Peanut Romano:

"Nah. Maybe this year sometime". Right off the bat, we can say that Peanut is not a first year because the sentence here implies that Peanut was already at Bullworth Academy the year before. "Look! The fresh meat… I-I mean the freshmen is here". This line of dialogue reinforces this idea that Peanut is not a safe first year.

When Peanut demands money from Jimmy, he implies in two lines of dialogue that he's not old enough to buy adult magazines. Which means that Peanut isn't a 17-18 year old senior either, otherwise he might buy them himself.

Peanut in a lot of lines of dialogue talks about how tall he is and how he is so small compared to other people his age or younger. I think Peanut is a 16-17 year old junior.

Norton Williams:

Already, just like Johnny and those who are also seniors, Norton uses the word "kid" several times. To this, we can add the fact that he is about to graduate very soon since he is already talking about what he will do after school, especially in construction. I come to say that he is a 17-18 year old senior.

Vance Medici:

As for Vance, I couldn't find anything concrete enough to indicate a certain age other than that in one line of dialogue he uses the word "kid". Maybe he's a 17-18 year old senior too, but I'm not sure.

Ricky Pucino:

Ricky must be a 17-18 year old senior as well. He uses the word "kid" in a line of dialogue, which is spoken by students much older than Jimmy. He has an older brother slightly older than him and tried to return a duty to Mr. Galloway that his brother turned in in the past not far enough for Mr. Galloway to remember. From there, we can still assume that Ricky must be in his last year of school before graduation.

Lola Lombardi:

"I'm getting so old! My life is almost over!" Just by this sentence we can say that Lola is a senior of 17-18 years old. In addition, Lola has a cherry tattoo on her left ankle. In the United States, and especially in New England, the majority of states prohibit tattoos for minors. This reinforces the idea that Lola is a 17-18 year old senior.

Lucky De Luca:

"So, there's some new kid making waves around the school. I heard he's trying to get with Pinky". First of all, Lucky is not a first year as one might think with this line of dialogue.

In some of his lines of dialogue, Jimmy's school year isn't his first, which reinforces this idea that he's not a freshman, but isn't in his last at Bullworth Academy and is therefore not a senior.

Finally, Neil tells Jimmy during the first workshop class that the cars are only for the elderly, so seniors. One might think that Lucky is a senior but it is written on the wiki that he is very mature for his age and as said before, Lucky is probably not a senior. We can then think of the fact that he must be a junior of 16-17 years old but a junior in advance.

Hal Esposito:

So I really have no idea omg. At the end of the day, Hal says in a line of dialogue that he has to go buy cigarettes. If we assume that the events are set in 2006 in New England, you can buy cigarettes at the age of 18. You might think that Hal is a 17-18 year old senior, but nothing has been decided.

Lefty Mancini:

"Get any action at the carnival last year". Lefty isn't a first-year-old or he wouldn't know the funfair. Subsequently, when he is walking alone, he can be heard saying: "Gotta get me another pack of smokes and a hot dog". Seen for a moment with Hal, only people 18 and older can buy cigarettes according to New England state laws in 2006. That would mean that Lefty is a 17-18 year old senior. We can continue this momentum by the fact that he, like many others, also uses the word "kid"

End of this third part. In the next one, we'll talk about the Nerds. Thank you for reading this post to the end. A bientôt!

#bully canis canem edit #bully cce #bully scholarship edition #canis canem edit #greasers #johnny vincent #peanut romano #norton williams #vance medici #lola lombardi #ricky pucino #lucky de luca #hal esposito #lefty mancini

[grumpygreenwitch]

The Witches and Wizards Job 7-8

Around this point I actually read back and asked myself, "Is this moving too fast?" Then I remember the speed at which a Leverage episode actually moves and the kind of beating Harry usually picks up each book, and went, "Nah."

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1-2 + 3-4 + 5-6 + 7-8 + 9-10-11 + 12-13-14 + 15-16 + 17-18-19 + 20-21-22 + 23-24-25 + 26-27-28 + 29-30 + 31-32-33 + 34-35-36 + 37-38 + 39-40-41-42

SEVEN

The divide between magic and technology is a known quantity. Every wizard knows to stay away from most mechanical things; the more complex they are, the more likely they were to break. The more powerful the wizard, the quicker it was gonna happen. Even knowing these things, I hadn't realized how deep that boundary ran until I tried to find out anything about my prospective employers.

If it had been a magical entity, a spell, an artifact, between Bob and I we could have probably found out at least the basics, but Bob couldn't find out anything about the Leverage people. I wasn't crazy enough to try and scry something in Boston, never mind the range.

All I could tell was that Leverage was, apparently, a purely mundane affair. Based in Boston as they were I didn't doubt they'd run themselves into something other that the average human, but as the afternoon dragged on I began to realize I was going to have more luck finding out what, rather than getting any sort of information on whatever Deveraux and Ford actually had going on.

A smart man would have said no on principle. What little I could find out told me that if things had gotten so bad that an entirely non-magical outfit like Leverage had come looking for a wizard, then they were bad enough that walking away unscathed to enjoy that absurdly large paycheck was not guaranteed. Not even 50/50 odds.

But 50/50 was still better than no odds at all.

And I hadn't lied when I told Deveraux that I'm a curious man.

She'd written a number on the back of the card. Not a hotel, so they could have been anywhere. I eyed it while I called Butters and asked him to look after Mister while I was away. Then I called it.

"Harry." Deveraux actually sounded happy to hear me; it was refreshing.

"Train. The older the better," I told her. "That applies to any tech you want near me, too. Mouse comes with me."

"Yes, of course."

"The daily fee is… good." My voice cracked a bit despite my best attempt at sounding like it was not a holy-heck amount of money. I cleared it. "It's good. But I can't go longer than a week. One week and I'm coming back home, even if your problem's not solved."

"That's fine."

"And I need a basement."

"A b… A basement?"

"It's contained in case something bad happens."

"Ah." The fact she didn't ask questions told me containment was a common concern in both her line of work and mine. "Anything else?"

"I can't think of anything off the top of my head. I'm sure something will come up." Something did almost immediately. "A full briefing as soon as I'm there. No secrets, no lies. If I find out you've lied to me, I'll leave."

"We'll tell you as much as we know," she assured me, and I found myself believing her. "Welcome to the team, Harry."

It felt weird to be welcomed, to be made to feel as if I were part of a team that actually wanted me there. "When do you think you'll have everything ready?"

There was laughter in her tone. "When do you think you'll be packed?"

Three hours later I was at Union Station, being escorted off the oldest VW minibus in existence and onto a rail car that apparently I had all to myself, like something out of an Agatha Christie book. I'd packed Bob, my tools, a quick-spell kit, any books I thought might help, and a change of clothes. Mouse looked mournfully at me as the train began to move, and I couldn't blame him; it felt as if I were leaving a piece of myself behind.

I knew Chicago. It was home. I knew the people, the streets. I knew its seasons, its weather. I knew the hangouts of most of the dangerous creatures in it, both human and inhuman. I knew every layer of it, every mood, every current.

I knew very little about Boston except that it was a supernatural melting pot. Most creatures that crossed from the Old World or from Other Places and didn't come through the Nevernever landed in Boston; many stayed there, made lives there. There were inhuman families that were generations old, living side by side with the descendants of human immigrants. The divide between mortal and supernatural was as thin as my willpower in Boston.

Look, Deveraux had handed me a really big number.

The train never stopped. That struck me as weird, but then I'd never traveled first class on a train before, so I had no bar for normal. I tried to sleep, but the novelty of everything wore off a couple of hours into the trip, and panic began to settle in. What the hell was I doing? I was Chicago's wizard, not Boston's!

Well, it was done. The AC broke about halfway through the trip, but with the windows open I never even noticed. I got my books out and read, trying to give myself a crash course on the magical scene in Boston, so to speak. Mouse took over one of the windows and seemed to have forgiven me, head thrust out into the wind of our passage, jowls flapping and the plume of his tail wagging sedately. He scared the crap out of the one person I did see, a young man who brought me breakfast and lunch, somehow still warm.

The sun had just set when the train pulled into the Back Bay. I could feel the air buzzing all around me with an imperceptible, invisible charge, the ambient energy of hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of supernatural creatures crackling against my senses. I felt both supercharged and itchy, and Mouse shook himself furiously when we finally made it off the rail car.

There was a man waiting for me on the concourse. He was tremendously solid, the sort of build I used to wish for when I was young, heavy muscle under a worn leather jacket, faded blue jeans and comfortable curb-stomper boots. He had long, very fine brown hair and oddly guileless blue eyes. He had stubble matching mine and he straightened up from his lazy slouch with the ease of someone perfectly at peace with the world around him.

I couldn't see the bulge of a gun anywhere, but I was pretty sure this was Leverage's heavy hitter.

Then he grinned at me, and his whole face lit up, and I thought maybe I was wrong. "Dresden?"

"That's me," I admitted.

He offered his hand without hesitation. "Eliot Spencer. Eliot's fine. Sorry to drag you so far from home."

This man was a walking contradiction. His hands told me I was right. His attitude told me I was wrong. He was the nicest, friendliest man with violence as his main occupation that I'd ever met up to that point in my life. He meant every word of his apology. He was sizing me up for threats.

Belatedly, I realized that Boston was literally supercharging me. My senses, both magical and normal, were trying to run away with me. I had nothing else at the moment; I clung to the hand Eliot Spencer offered, to the strength in it. "Oh, you didn't, not really. Too curious for my own good. Give me a second, would you?"

"You ok, man?"

"Just a little… drunk on the night air," I said, knowing how that had to sound to him.

I was not expecting the change that went over him. It was seamless, instantaneous. One moment Eliot Spencer was welcoming me to his home like a ray of sunshine; the next he was all deadly intent, a sort of quiet, intangible menace radiating from him like the darkest light. "A problem?" he asked mildly.

It told me two things; one, that I was right after all and two, that whatever had brought me to Boston was big enough to have this calm, steady man on a hair-trigger. "No, it's…. Boston's busy. Boston's real busy when it comes to magic. It hangs in the air, makes it thick, and it's giving me a head rush."

"Chicago's not like that?"

"No. The Lake grounds it. Water's good for that."

"I could take you by the Charles if it would help - hey!" And just like that the ray of sunshine was back when Mouse came trotting back from wherever he'd gone to take care of his business. Eliot dropped down to a crouch. "Who's this, Mouse, I think?"

"Yeah. Just watch out, he's not always -" Mouse, tail a blur, charged the Leverage man with a delighted huff and proceeded to lick anything Eliot didn't vigilantly protect, making him chuckle. Well. That was new. And good news for me. "Friendly. He was also a lot smaller when he was a puppy."

Eliot straightened up, rubbing Mouse's head with rough affection. My dog looked blissful, tongue lolling to one side. "Bait-and-switched you, huh."

"It might've been, if he'd given me any choice in the matter."

"He's big for a Tibetan Mastiff," Eliot pointed out. "Wrong color, too."

"He's not. He's a Tibetan Temple Mastiff."

Again that brief pause. Eliot looked down at Mouse. Mouse looked up at him.

The Leverage man grinned again and rubbed Mouse's ears. "Eh, he looks dog enough for me. Anyway. If you're feeling better, let's get you settled. I rented a van."

"Cars get temperamental with me around."

"Dresden, if you can break down a u-Haul, I'll believe you're a wizard no further questions. Where's your luggage?"

EIGHT

Apparently the Leverage people weren't unfamiliar with what happened when you put magic too close to tech. I was put up in their 'temporary' quarters, a small house a lick away from their actual place of business, a loft over a bar by the incredibly Irish name of John McRory's Place.

The house was nice. It had a fenced yard that Mouse promptly claimed as his own and a finished basement that I promptly claimed as my own. The bedroom looked suspiciously like someone had ordered it directly from a catalog, sheets and all. The only other rooms that were accessible were one bathroom and the living room, which had been set up as a meeting area of sorts. The kitchen was empty. The other rooms were full of crates.

There was dinner from the pub waiting for me that night, and a phone in a manila envelope. I offered to share my beer with Eliot; the phone died with a sad little squawk before we finished it.

"That's gonna make things hard," he admitted wryly, examining the dead screen of the phone. "I take it a bluetooth's out of the question?"

"The more parts to it, the quicker it goes."

I saw him get very thoughtful. "What about size? The bigger it is?"

"How big are we talking about?" I asked mildly, sensing a chance to finally get some information as to what had brought me to Boston.

"TV screen," Eliot answered without hesitation, then spread his arms. "Yay big."

"What were you doing at the time?"

"Trying to get a composite from a bunch of blurry pictures."

"What happened?"

"It cracked." He grinned wryly. "Top to bottom. We took that thing out to the recycling in two halves." His jovial mood faded. "I don't like the look on your face right now, Dresden."

"You shouldn't." I was trying to think of creatures that could shatter a screen like that, with just their image, without actually being there. It was a short list; it was also a very scary list. "It wasn't anything else, it had to be the picture?"

"The man who works our tech is the best, hands-down. His equipment doesn't blow up like that without a good reason," Eliot said calmly, then put his hands up. "Wait, no, I'm supposed to let you rest tonight. You're gonna hear all this tomorrow morning anyway."

"I did nothing but sleep on the train ride," I told him. I won't lie, it felt nice to know the Leverage outfit, whatever their business might be, gave enough of a damn to give me the night to myself. Most people who hire me for that kind of money expected 24-7 service, never mind what kind of shape I might be in at the end of the day. "Tell me what you can."

He gave me one of the few measuring looks I've ever gotten that didn't have my harm at heart before he made a decision and tipped his head toward the pub. "Come on."

"Mouse, watch the place." Mouse flopped in front of the door and settled down with a yawn.

The front of the pub was roaring, but we came in from the back. Eliot knocked softly on a door, poked his head in and murmured something to someone in there. I caught a faint whiff of something sweet, almost like licorice - probably a storage room, and a bottle of liquor had broken and been cleaned up. Eliot got his answer; he closed the door and we moved on. He peeked out into the main floor and called out something I couldn't hear over the noise of the crowd before heading to a pair of elevator doors.

I stopped walking. "Uh…"

He paused, turned, and led me to the stairs, grinning. "You know, I don't even think about most of this stuff. Tech's embedded so deep into our lives."

"I just wish for a hot water heater that didn't break in under a week," I told him.

"Yikes."

"Yup."

"Just keep your distance from Hardison's tech," Eliot warned me as he led me into a vast, elegant little loft. The bare brick walls had paintings on them that looked… modern. Expensive. I didn't know enough about art back then to appreciate what they were. A spiral staircase led up to what was probably a bedroom, and behind it was a typical modern kitchen. Most of the open space was taken up by a very modern, very sleek meeting room sort of setup, a wall full of screens and a small curve of desks before it. "He's still sore about those screens."

"Screens? More than one?"

"Yeah, a second one a day after -"

A young woman came flying into the loft. "Where is he? Where's the wizard?"

"Parker, don't -"

She whirled and faced me, and immediately made a face. "Aren't you supposed to have a white bushy beard?"

"Not for another couple hundred years."

I hadn't expected my quip to bring her up short, but it did. She seemed to really think about it, and it gave me a chance to examine her. She was young, wiry, blonde, pretty. She had the same kind of intensity Karrin had, but her focus seemed to change from minute to minute.

"Oh. I didn't think about that. There have to be young wizards to get old wizards."

"Parker." Eliot sighed.

"No robes?"

"Not if I can help it."

"Fancy spell books?"

"I do have one of those."

"Can I see it?"

"Parker, let the man catch his breath." Sophie Deveraux looked cozy and elegant and beautiful in a flowing blue blouse and a shimmering gray skirt. She beamed at me and I felt warm and fuzzy. Look, I'm man enough to admit it, I'm a sucker for a pretty lady, particularly one that doesn't want me dead. "Harry."

"Miss Deveraux."

"Just Sophie, Harry, please. Are you sure you wouldn't rather wait?"

"I'm good. I got all my rest in the train ride. Boston's full of energy, and it's making me buzzed, I rather put some of it to work, get it out of my system -"

"Why do you carry a stick?"

I whipped around. Parker had my wand in her hands.

Hell's Bells, I'd never even felt the theft. My wand, and I would have never known she'd gone for it if she hadn't said something.

Something in my face clued Sophie and Eliot that things had gone very badly, very quickly. "Parker!" Sophie cried out.

With all the care of someone handling live explosives, Eliot closed a hand over the 'stick'. "We are trying," he told her, sticking to his calm demeanor like tar, "to make a good impression, Parker."

"Oh, fine. Should I give everything else back?"

I took the quickest stock of my person I'd ever taken in my life. Immediately I found another thing missing that I would have never thought could be taken from me without my notice. How in the hell -!

"Yes!" Sophie told her firmly.

"Well, he didn't have anything interesting anyways," Parker put out her hand with my wallet on it.

And my shield bracelet.

Eliot offered me my wand back, looking sheepish. "Sorry, man."

"I just - how?" Seriously. Never mind the theft, everything was coming back to me, nothing was broken, no one was hurt, I just wanted to know how she'd done it.

"Parker is the best in the world," Sophie said, somehow managing to convey warm pride and icy disapproval all in one. Parker squirmed uncertainly. "She should also bear in mind that as of now you're part of our team, and we don't pickpocket teammates."

Parker held strong under the tone of disapproval longer than I would have. "Sorry," she muttered with ill grace.

"No harm no foul if you teach me how to do it."

She grinned, just a little. "Deal."

"Also, where should I stand so I'm as far away from anything tech-y as possible?"

"Right there." Nathan Ford had arrived, and the mask was off. He still looked vaguely friendly, a little rumpled, somewhat distracted. But there was nothing hiding the ruthless ice in his eyes anymore, or the deep mistrust in the gaze he leveled at me. I was in his world, in his domain, I was his employee. The carrot had done her job, the stick didn't have to mind his manners anymore. "Right there's fine, mister Dresden."

Ford passed everyone by and moved to the kitchen to find himself, apparently, some coffee. "Where's Hardison?"

"He said he wanted to take a few more pictures of the cylinder we found at the museum," Eliot told him. "He's in the storage room."

"What cylinder?" Something was bugging me. It wasn't big, at least not big enough to pin it down, but it was there, nagging at the back of my mind like a toothache after too much sugar.

"There was an issue at the Isabella Gardner Museum," Sophie told me. "Someone tampered with the fire suppression system. They attached some kind of homemade cylinder to the system and it started pumping something out in the air, some sort of perfume." She shrugged lightly. "We don't know why, there was no need for it."

"Perfume?"

"Yes. Fernflower."

I was running the next moment, going on a guess and a prayer. The guess was that the closed door was the storage room. The prayer was that I wouldn't be too late.

The moment I hit the bottom floor a faint reek of sweet, rotten candy and burning flowers made me reel back, coughing, my lungs burning. I could definitely smell the fernflower; worse, I could also smell night's breath. This was some deep, deep magic. Deep and old. Someone had cooked up a Burning Witchwell, and Leverage had blundered right into it. Only luck had kept any of them from being magically inclined, but that luck had run out with the fernflower.

Eliot was right behind me, and he threw a hand over his face. He snatched a bunch of cloth napkins from a nearby shelf and shoved them at me. "What is that?!"

I ran on and shoved the door open to the storage room. There was a man kneeling on the floor before a table, wheezing. The fernflower fumes burned my eyes and I actually heard my skin hiss on contact with the night's breath, but I was running on Boston air. I was so charged up I barely registered any pain.

"Venti, ventum!" I shouted. Wind poured into the storage room. Everything went flying off the shelves. I felt my magic careen out of control, as supercharged as I was, and fought to bring it back under control. I didn't want to wreck the room, I just wanted to get the man to safety, away from the fumes.

"Hardison!" Eliot had already dashed past me, catching the man. He was lanky, lean, deceptively muscled, possibly an inch or so taller than me. His skin was very dark and it had gone blotchy where the night's breath had had time to settle down and sink in. He slurred something unintelligible and squinted intently at me; I couldn't even begin to imagine what he was seeing.

"Dresden?!" Eliot asked, spitting his own hair out of his mouth.

"Go, get him out!"

He didn't question me. I could have danced a happy jig at that show of trust. I backed out of the room; I was one step past the doorway when helpful hands slammed the door shut. "Does the ventilation system here connect to the pub?"

"No, it goes straight out," Ford replied.

"Then just put some…" The borrowed energy from the Boston ambiance ran out. I felt pain creep up over any part of me not covered by fabric. "Put some…"

"Sophie, put some towels at the bottom," Ford's voice was full of calm, focused competency. "Parker, go tell the front of house no one is to come into this room until one of us says otherwise. Eliot." There was a pause. "Dresden, is a hospital going to help either of you?"

"He's fine." Oh, that was Ford's shoulder under my arm, holding me up. When had that happened? "Unless he's got magic, he's just drunk. Sort of."

"And you?"

"I'm a little blistered." I was a little more than blistered, but I had the advantage of knowing the damage wasn't real. "No hospital. A bath."

"Alright. Let's get you and Hardison up to the loft, then."

I wasn't in any shape to argue. I got shoved under a spray of miraculously hot water. Someone peeled my clothes off. At some point I realized I trusted only two people in the loft, and one of them was helping undress me. "Wash your hands," I told Eliot. "Wash the clothes."

"Can we burn them?"

"Don't burn my clothes, I didn't bring any more." I stared at him suspiciously; well, there was only one person I trusted anymore. "Tell Parker to watch my things."

Eliot offered a sound of deeply amused disbelief. Somewhere nearby a man's voice was tunelessly singing what sounded like a church song. "Drunk?"

"Intox… Intec… Sort of. Fernflower gives you magic. See things. Talk to animals. Sorta thing. But it's eph… emph…. It fades quick. You gotta lace it with… other stuff. It It wasn't the weapon, the night's breath was."

"Night's breath?"

"Old plant. Burns up magic. Night's breath was fire. Fernflower was gasoline. 's called a… a Burning Witchwell."

"You aren't breathing right, man."

"Fake. I'll be fine when my…. when my magic comes back. Easy, in this place."

"Fake damage." At that Eliot did look disbelieving. "Hurt's hurt."

"Particularly if you believe in it," I shot back, then put my head up to the spray of hot water. "Oh, that feels good."

I heard Eliot snort in amusement. "Well, enjoy it while you can. Haven't blown up this heater."

"Give me a chance, I just got here."

#leverage #nathan ford #alec hardison #sophie devereaux #eliot spencer #parker #the dresden files #harry dresden #crossover #my writing #fanfiction #urban fantasy #mild violence

[whywhatswrongwithblue]

DW REWATCH

S1E2 THE END OF THE WORLD

The Doctor takes Rose on her first voyage through time, to the year five billion. The sun is about to expand and swallow the earth. Amongst the alien races gathering to watch, a murderer is at work. Who is controlling the mysterious and deadly spiders?

WHAT was he doing in this scene.

You think you're so impressive. ---I am so impressive baby’s first flirt….

2. You lot, you spend all your time thinking about dying, like you're going to get killed by eggs or beef or global warming or asteroids. But you never take time to imagine the impossible, that maybe you survive. i adore this line. Iirc i read somewhere that this episode was made when a lot of negative climate focussed media was coming out and rtd wanted to assure young viewers that there was always hope? Not sure where i saw it but it’s stuck with me

3. Is that why we're here? I mean, is that what you do? Jump in at the last minute and save the Earth?-- rose we are literally here so i can trauma dump. Haven’t you heard of healthy coping mechanisms??

4. He's blue RTD my beloved. What an incredibly realistic, human observation—i feel like companions simply do not do this anymore. And they should!

5. Love the bark makeup. It’s so pretty!

6. The air from my lungs….this episode is so good damn it

7. Moxx of Balhoon better known as the CEO of sex. I give you the gift of bodily salivas lucky Rose

8. CASSANDRAAAAA

9. Rose being overwhelmed and running out. I can’t get over the amount of care and detail RTD put into writing her. She really is his baby. Can’t wait to see how he brings her back now (because he will. He will.)

10. Jabe’s device is unable to identify a timelord, probably because the rest of the universe thinks them dead? Although her reaction is very different from that of the Nestene Consciousness (who is implied to have lost quite a bit in the Time War), whereas Jabe doesn’t seem to have any personal connection. I wonder what the other outsider perceptions of the War were!

11. Ahhh Rose being kind to the plumber. I love my girl. LMAO at her realising she just hitched a ride with a complete stranger w/o thinking about it. The metal spiders are very Minority Report.

12. Your machine gets inside my head. It gets inside and it changes my mind, and you didn't even ask? the WRITING. Just chef’s kiss. Even in this sort of power dynamic, you never ever feel like Rose doesn’t have agency. She’s so smart and capable and fierce. i love her.

13. Gotta love how fast they switch from arguing to flirting. Jiggery-pokery <3

14. I might be late home. and then she comes back a YEAR later JESUS

15. Bad Wolf mention!

16. Hahahah i can’t watch the Jabe scene without thinking of plant sex now, courtesy of Katie

17. I was born on that planet, and so was my mum, and so was my dad. I love how much Rose loves her dad. Like if you’ve never even known a parent, you probably wouldn’t bring them up in a context like this, but the addition implies that Rose thinks of her dad quite a bit, and this is a nice little subtle setup to my favourite episode of the season, Father’s Day

18. The sun filter scene! It’s unexpectedly tense. I remember being really worried the first time I saw it

19. This whole event was sponsored by the Face of Boe. He invited us. Jack set them up….god that’s so sweet. The fact that he knows that they’re properly together in Pete’s World at this point <3333333 he is Literally Us. Putting his blorbos in Situations.

20. What are you going to do, moisturise me?

21. At least it'll be quick. Just like my fifth husband. HUHHH?? LMAO

22. I love the turning fan trope, every time it’s in any movie ever, it’s got me on the edge of my seat

23. Everything has its time, and everything dies. OOF. Appreciate Rose still wanting Cassandra to be saved! Something something parallel with how she changed the Doctor so much that he’s willing to give Cassandra a peaceful death in New Earth <3 the power of love, folks.

24. The Earth death scene is beautiful. I remember feeling so sad that everyone just missed it! And the Doctor finally realising that maybe this wasn’t a great first trip for his young companion xD

25. I'm left travelling on my own 'cos there's no one else.---There's me. What a beautiful moment of intimacy. And such great acting! The Doctor is finally beginning to let her in, and Rose has attached to this stranger so quickly, despite how prickly and condescending he can be. Soulmates <3

Loveee this ending. 10/10 again!

#dw rewatch: s1 #rose tyler #ninth doctor #ninerose #rtd era #meta

[foxingpeculiar]

This is about the WoT show—Verin, specifically—but I’m gonna take a minute to get there.

I read WoT for the first time around ‘98 or ‘99. I remember the year specifically because I remember having… it was either tFoH or LoC on my desk in freshman history and this dude looked at me with… impressed surprise? and said “you READ all that?” And in my head, that was one of those moments you have as a teenager when you start to realize not everyone thinks like you do.

Anyway, I stopped reading, I think in the middle of aCoS, because that was the last one I had (I think tPoD had come out but wasn’t in paperback yet). And like, that’s kind of a sloggy bit, especially if you don’t know how long it’s going to go on. So I was like “screw it, I’ll read it when it’s done.”

Cut to 14-15 years later, aMoL is out and my roommate is actively devouring it, which reminded me what I told myself back then, so I tell him I’m gonna start in on it. He offers me a few pieces of advice (eg: read New Spring after tFOH; it’s a nice breather and it’ll mean more).

But he also says he’s going to spoil one important thing for me. Because the series is so long and dense, and there’s SO much to pay attention to, he says, this particular bit is very subtle and too easy to miss, to not remember enough about it when the reveal comes to appreciate the genius of how well it’s done.

*spoilers to follow for show-only fans or anyone who has not completed… I forget which of the last books it happens in (I think aMOL, but maybe ToM) but it’s endgame stuff—obviously*

He tells me to watch Verin and spoils that she is, in fact, Black Ajah. (He does not, however, explain that there’s more to it than that, which left some surprise in it—I appreciate the way he did that; it was artful. I am obviously not being so elegant here). And that was one of my favorite threads in the books, watching that, which I would absolutely have missed otherwise (cos fuck man, 2787 characters!)

So I was excited to see Verin in the show. And this episode tells me I’m gonna get what I want out of that. I enjoyed her coming in with the very-carefully-calculated “fun auntie” vibe. I really enjoyed her iykyk conversation with Sheriam (*cough*), but the scene that really got me on board was Verin and Yassicca after spying on Sheriam’s log.

Cos like, Verin already absolutely knows what’s going on: where the girls are, who took them, and why. That’s the whole reason she’s doing what she’s doing, is to know things like that (or at least have very solid theories about them, as I believe the case is here). But she can’t tell anyone without explaining how she knows, so she has to put on this innocent face and guide the people around her toward what she wants them to know without them realizing she’s doing that. This includes both people in the light AND other black ajah.

And these are Aes Sedai, the craftiest, sneakiest, most manipulative people around (with the possible exception of the Cairhiens, but the Aes Sedai have a more widespread and visceral reputation). The point being that the standards for the kind of 3D chess she’s playing are particularly high, and yet NO ONE has a clue what she’s up to until she decides to tell Egwene.

So, with that in mind, I am struck by the kindness of the character in that scene—how gentle she is with this earnest little rabbit of a girl. When she brings up compulsion, you can almost feel her regret at having to mess with a naif’s whole worldview. (But only almost. It’s just beneath the surface.) She’s lying and manipulating with the worst of them, but she’s not a cruel or selfish person. And Meera Syal is doing a great job at loading all of that in there, which is a fine line to walk.

Anyway, that’s my fan ramble for today.

#personal #wot show spoilers #wheel of time #wot season 2 #verin mathwin

[thrilling-oneway]

whenever people want to hate on d4dj why do they jump straight on "It's queerphobic bc..." as if it doesn't have the best queer rep of any rhythm game out there.

1757 words about queer representation in D4DJ and other rhythm/gacha games below cut

Like there are actual valid reasons to not like d4dj. There's definitely an issue with sexualising the high schoolers, I've made posts talking about it before. But at the same time, if you as someone who plays other of the major gacha/rhythm games is going to say that, you should probably address that SIF, bandori (and maybe enstars? it's been a while since I played) have some dodgy cards as well. Admittedly these cards are mainly old whereas D4DJ is still producing these, but you shouldn't act like your preferred game is perfect either.

But especially saying that D4DJ is queerphobic is so weird. To say that just proves you have no idea what actually happens in the game, and you're just taking screenshots out of context.

Firstly hayakoko. Okay so in the flashback where they get together they said "but we're both girls". Yeah, it's a cliche line that screams 'written by a hetero person', but within the context of the story it's not that bad if a little cringe. Neither Hayate or Kokoa had liked a girl before they started dating, this is literally stated on screen: Hayate says that she was a little surprised to realise that she had a crush on Kokoa. They're baby gay at this point in time. I think Kokoa's an interesting one to point out as well, because she's the one who said the line in the first place, and even after she admits that she likes Kokoa as well and they start dating, the True Love Kiss side story shows her being insecure about PDA in school. It reads a lot like she's had a very heteronormative upbringing, which is very common for queer people. It's probably more common in Japan where they still don't have equal rights for queer people (they don't have marriage equality, same-sex couples can't marry, the exception being if one is trans and hasn't legally changed their gender. and after they're married they can't legally change their gender). Not to mention she goes to catholic school, and as far as I know there's some issues there. So I don't see anything wrong with Kokoa not wanting to be out publicly, and being a bit insecure when she and Hayate confess. You gotta remember they are 15 as well (and ~14 when they started dating). Their relationship isn't going to be perfect, and that's normal.

And then Aoi and her gender presentation. Aoi has always been a very masculine presenting character, and is explicitly GNC, so I can understand that some people were disappointed with her wearing long hair and a ballgown in the Aoi & Haruna Relations event. But the anger some people hold towards this. Come on, how badly can you miss the point? Aoi's gender presentation has been a part of her character since her initial card story. She says she actually used to dress more feminine and have long hair in high school, but decided to change her look because she thought she suited the shorter hair. She also mentions that when she presented fem, she would be told she looked like a cross dresser, which obviously offended her. It's not hard to see that Aoi just wants to be seen as Aoi. It's not about how she presents her gender, she's still Aoi no matter how she dresses - Tsubaki mentions this in the A&H Relations. Nothing was retconned or de-canonised when Aoi wore hair extensions and a dress, it wasn't a sudden unnecessary change. The event explores the fact she wants to try different looks outside of her usual 'princely' one, but she's a bit of a people pleaser and is unsure about it because people associate Aoi with "androgynous good looks". There was no pressure from anyone to be feminine, there was actually pressure the other way. She wore a dress and had long hair for one (1) event, and 2 illustrations. Her most recent card has her in trousers with short hair again. Like you don't have to pounce on it being erasure because Aoi wanted to dress more feminine one time. She doesn't hate being GNC now, she's not permanently feminine now - Aoi being GNC is a part of who she is. Aoi being fluid with her gender expression is a part of her queerness and I don't get how you can miss the point so badly to call it erasure.

D4DJ is genuinely one of if not the best mainstream gacha/rhythm game for queer rep. There's so much more than just this: Tsubaki and Aoi are canonically in love with each other and there was even an attempted confession (they got interrupted), KyoShino have implied romantic feelings, same with NagiHiiro and RinMuni (mainly from Muni's side). Haruna was pretty much confirmed as lesbian during the A&H relations, and has had crushes on two separate characters. Saori's sapphic as well (there's one or two implications that she's bisexual). Having Hayate and Kokoa in a relationship opens the doors to more ships becoming canon in the future. The only negative representation I can think of in this game is Noa, so if you really want to go out of your way to say D4DJ is queerphobic, there you go. Noa likes cute thing, cute girls, and flanderisation took hold quickly to the point of her being creepily obsessed with the ri4 girls and a few others, and literally stalking them. Yikes. Her writing is improving though, especially in All Mix where she just occasionally comments on how cute they are without taking it too far, and they actually let her have other personality traits expressed that had pretty much been forgotten.

My point here is that if you're going to say D4DJ is bad rep or homophobic, you're admitting that your game is worse for representation. I'm not saying that the games in the "Big 3" (proseka/bandori/enstars) are bad by any means (idk about enstars actually I didn't play for very long), but D4DJ has definitely taken some big steps in queer representation that those games are seemingly too scared to make. Having a canon sapphic couple is a game like this is a huge deal, I'm not even sure if it's been done before. And before anyone says "but anhane and minoharu went on a double date in Buddy Funny Spend Time", neither of those pairs are stated or even fucking implied to be in a relationship outside of that event. It kinda just happens in one event, and even then it's still a bit vague on whether either of the couples are actually dating in the event. It's definitely heavily implied that anhane/minoharu have mutual romantic feelings, so they are arguably canon in that sense, just not in an established relationship sense. Bandori has done this as well with PareChu, have them go on dates and be clearly romantically interested in each other, only to never actually be a couple (I know tsumutsumu and reochi have called parechu an official couple, but that's word of saint paul rather than word of god, so take this how you will). Hayakoko is HUGE for this genre, and could mean good things in the future of other rhythm games (especially other Bushiroad ones).

--Break here where I went on a tangent about non-D4DJ queercoding--

Outside of schroedingers dating, both bandori and proseka have characters who are implied/canonically queer. I'll make this short because this is getting really long now and I apologise to anyone who's still reading.

For bandori, Arisa has a crush on Kasumi, Kaoru can be considered as canonically lesbian just from how she's presented, YukiLisa has a lot of implications for romantic feelings, as do MocaRan. Himari is also an interesting case, as she could be read as bisexual or comphet lesbian, it's never really made clear (at least as far as I know, I stopped playing bandori a while ago, and am not up-to-date on story, so anyone who's still reading feel free to add to this or correct me). There's probably some stuff missing here as well.

As for proseka, it actually has quite a lot of queercoding. I already touched on anhane and minoharu earlier, but Kohane and Minori are both heavily implied to be lesbian, An as well (although there's like one or two hints that she could be bi. I can cite them if needed). Mizuki is canonically transfeminine (their gender is unconfirmed), and they have been shown to be attracted to women. ShizuAiri and AkiToya have a lot of romantic implications in their relationships, EmuNene has gradually been getting more and more actually (Amidst a Dream). Ena is implied wlw and Rui is implied mlm okay I think I got everything tangent over.

--End of break--

Regardless of my criticisms, all of the games I've mentioned definitely show how much queer rep has grown and become a lot better in the last decade or so. While not focused on the rhythm game, the first generation of Love Live (2010-16) queerbaited* a fair amount. To give one example, there's an 'interview' with Honoka from 2015 where she heavily implies that she's straight, despite having ship tease with other female characters. Compare that to what we have 8 years later, and you can definitely see improvement. However I think it still needs to be addressed that what we have isn't perfect, and it probably will take while to get to a point where we can have more openly queer characters/couples, especially considering Japan as a country (and american/else localisation teams). But I think more people need to recognise how important D4DJ is for queer representation within this genre. It's really not common to have queer romance and gender presentation be directly addressed and frequently shown, and not just for the sake of making money.

I'm bad at ending essays.

* Queerbaiting - intentionally and maliciously leading a queer audience to believe they will receive representation which is then not provided. Whether the rhythm games mentioned do this or not is... debatable? It's done for the money which ticks the intentionally malicious box, queer people aren't for capitalising on. But a good amount of the time it's done to bait straight people who like yuri/yaoi. I do think it's queerbait though like heavily ship teasing a couple and then throwing in a line to imply one of them is straight definitely queerbaiting. april edit: it took me over a month to realise that there were words missing in that last sentence sorry about that. hi anyone who's reading this in the future

#this was going to be in the tags aside from the first sentence. good thing i changed my mind after 3 tags huh? #i love analysing queer rep it's really interesting #obviously I don't know everything and I have no authority over anything #and i'm no way saying i do. i just find looking at representation and a bit of history and culture interesting #(also im not sapphic so if anything is wrong here - please correct me or add!! it'd be much appreciated!) #i doubt many people will see this but still #d4dj #don't ask how long i spent writing this #oh also im not counting rev/star. this is abt rhythm games (censored so it doesn't show up in tags) #mine #rambles

[barmadumet]

15 questions for 15 friends

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yes! I was named after Cybill Sherpherd’s character on Moonlighting. IYKYK

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last Tuesday. It had been a minute, and once I started I couldn’t stop. Ugh I hate crying.

3. Do you have kids?

😅 In heaven?🤞

4. What sports do you play/ have you played?

I’m not a sports fan in any capacity 😬 Much love and respect to those who are.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Only with those that I’m close to.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I suppose just their demeanor. Are they approachable? Are they friendly?

7. What's your eye colour?

Brown-eyed girl

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy please!

9. Any talents?

There isn’t anything I excel at that I would consider a talent. I feel like I have a mediocre skill level with multiple things 🤷🏻‍♀️

10. Where were you born?

The New Orleans area

11. What are your hobbies?

I like to collect things. I like to organize things. I like to decorate. I like to write. I like to talk to you people 😊

12. Do you have any pets?

😅 In heaven?🤞

13. How tall are you?

5’4”

14. Favourite subject in school?

I was all about the maths. Might have went to math competition 🤓

15. Dream job?

This goes back more than 20 years. Still wish I could do this. I want a radio show. Do you remember when radio help lines were kind of trendy? Like the station the kid on Sleepless in Seattle calls? More specifically, Frasier 😃 I want a show like that, BUT there would also be music, and I would be the DJ. Hand-selected tracks from the 60s through the 90s of all genres. Talk with people. Help people. Then dedicate songs to them.

Fun fact: I actually did have a job interview in 2017 to be a disc jokey for a local station, but it was at a time in my life when I couldn’t take the pay cut 😔 I was so close! One day…

Thank you so very much for the tags @to-proudly-go and @fulcrum843 ❤️ ❤️

It seems like many friends have already been tagged, so I will just say, if you are reading this, haven’t been tagged, and want to play, please do!

#games #moot bonding #❤️

[prattery]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thank you for the tag @queerofthedagger <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

242,705, which is absolute madness. didn't even realise i have that much to say abt merlin and arthur lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

BBC Merlin xx

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

stone cold: the one where merlin was turned into stone. bit heavy i have to admit, no idea what i was on when i wrote it

through storm and hellfire: the one where merlin was kidnapped to force Destiny™'s hand , things went to shit, and arthur went through a Difficult Journey of Discovery (or: the wringer) where he learnt that his dad was not, in fact, a good guy....among other things

flickering embers: the one where arthur lost merlin to the veil between the worlds only for merlin to be spat back out, lose his memory, and become a druid leader

winning the battle: the one where old religion claims everything that makes merlin merlin as a price for the immense magic he used to win arthur's battle

quiet light: the one where merlin stayed mad after agravaine convinced arthur that gaius was a traitor

my takeaway from this is that people enjoy it when i make arthur suffer

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do try but i am genuinely horrible at it. it's so so nice to receive them and i read every single one but i kind of don't know how to respond to them sometimes. one day we will get there

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i did intend for the long way round ANd a line that goes all the way to have angsty endings but oops guess my hand slipped.

the number of times i intended a fic to have an angsty ending only for me to faff with it later... unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on where you stand on this) my mind would not let me rest until I added a happier ending

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the three trials. it ended well for everybody. and not to toot my own horn or anything but i'm quite happy with it. i think i have a tendency to rush endings generally speaking, but i quite enjoyed writing the ending to this one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not yet and tbh i'd prefer to keep it this way thank you xx

9. Do you write smut?

i do like thinking about writing it but i just can't bring myself to actually type it out before i give myself the ick. maybe one day

10. Do you write crossovers?

no

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i think the fact that im still in here 10 (?) years after the show ended on says something about merthur lol. once and future ship init

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

the sword and his shield. i still really like the concept i have for it and i still have the ideas for it rattling around in my head, but i just feel like it flopped. i write for myself and clear my head of plotlines and random bits of dialogue rather than external validation, but it just feels a bit like mumbling into the void

16. What are your writing strengths?

banter and describing emotions that are not my own <3

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

worldbuilding. coming up with the concept is fine, i can do that, but i find the keeping track on them challenging

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

i mean if somebody else wants to do it, go for it, fair play, but personally i will not. only because i can't be 100% sure that i wouldn't get things wrong

19. First fandom you wrote for?

fairly sure i wrote HP (drarry), just never published it. don't remember what it was about, either.

the first one i published on ao3 was marvel (stevebucky). i have not touched it since my return to fandom and tbh im not going to

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i feel like i should say storm and hellfire because it is my child, it is the longest thing i've ever written, and i feel like it is the only thing i write that resembles an Actual Story (idk how else to put it). i surprised myself by actually finishing it. think it took about two years and i was a bit bereft after the last chapter was posted.

that being said, the fic i enjoy rereading the most (i.e. without cringing) is probably a line that goes all the way. it ticks all my own boxes and caters to all my interests lmao what can i say

not tagging anybody in particular but if you'd like to do this, feel free to say i tagged you xo

#on writing #merthur #merthur fics #baring my heart and soul x

[yarnpenguin]

Just finished watching a YouTube video about JKR and her whole "I'm never going to forgive those young people who disagree with me!" nonsense. The YouTuber made a bit of a throwaway comment about the adults who can't let go of HP because of what it meant to them in their youth, and I had too many thoughts for a YouTube comment, so, here I am.

My HP credentials: the first book came out when I was 15. I borrowed it from a younger person in my life, and ended up DNF'ing at the time because those opening chapters were so brutally mean-spirited and bleak I couldn't handle it. What can I say, I was a pretty fragile little thing. I ended up going back to the franchise in 2001 when my best friend wanted me to see the first movie with her. She'd already seen it, and just desperately wanted to share it with me, but would say no more. She bought my ticket and my popcorn, and, well, I ended up spending several years in the HP fandom, and was with it all through the release of the final film, and then slowly, it just sort of dwindled in my interest, though I did re-listen to the Fry-narrated audiobooks or watch the movies again from time to time, and had my various bits of merch hanging around my room.

But I gotta admit, I feel the same way that YouTuber does about the HP adults. The ones who won't let it go despite JKR, rather than, y'know, holding on because of her. The ones who wail, "But you don't understand what Harry Potter meant to me!"

Because the thing of it is: I do. My Harry Potter was David & Leigh Eddings' Belgariad and Mallorean, which was 10 entire books, that grew up alongside its main character, a very special orphan chosen one boy with magic powers and even a special mark on his body (Garion's was on his hand). Hell, he was also raised by his aunt, though I think Aunt Pol would kick Aunt Petunia's ass, and ends up marrying a redhead.

I started reading Pawn of Prophecy when I was 10 (I was a very precocious reader!). I re-read both series a lot up until 2010; I re-read them so much that all 10 books needed to be replaced because they were falling apart. Yeah, they got bought twice in my house. My best friend--the same one who took me to see Philosopher's Stone--also loved the Belgariad & Mallorean and we bonded over those books, talked about them constantly, the whole nine yards. Not only that, but my only other friend in the entire world as a teen also loved those books. They meant the world to me.

But as I progressed through my 20s, I started noticing the bioessentialism and the thing where people from the north and west were good but the people from the south and east were scary and evil or just plain old strange. The fact that very nearly all the female characters could be described as "beautiful and sassy" and were rewarded with marriage and babies if they were good women but if they were bad women who were too masculine in their appetites or behaviours, they got punished for it. On top of all that, news resurfaced several years ago about how the Eddings had been tried and found guilty of abusing their adopted children. They never adopted again after they served out their punishments, and the Belgariad was envisioned by the couple as, like, a love letter/apology letter to children or something like that.

So, yeah, I actually get it. A lot. And the Eddings are dead now, and can't hurt anybody, but I haven't touched those books in 14 years. They were so important to me, and I can still "hear" the influence of the Eddings' style in my own fiction writing. They'll always be special to me, but, you know, there's... there's other books.

I spent years rolling my eyes at people who would pull the "read other books" line. It was kind of ridiculous; I never knew anybody who was into HP and never read anything else. It was just that HP always inspired a particular fandom and devotion because so many people had it in common. I understand how important the community itself was; remember, I was in it.

But by the same token, because nuance is a thing, I don't fully understand not being able to let it go. Yes, I'm sure it was easier for me to let go of because I was an adult (19, closer to 20 than to 18) when I actually got into the franchise. And there was never really a huge, thriving Belgariad/Mallorean fandom. But if your HP fandom friends are only your friends because of HP, then... they're not really your friends, are they?

The Eddings are dead. They can't use their money to hurt anybody. There are living authors right now who are not raging sacks of shit who are struggling to put food on their plates. There are also lots of shows and games that you can love, and maybe there's a movie occasionally, sometimes (note to self: edit and post mini-essay about how the advent of the DVD was a huge stepping stone that led us to the current state of cinema).

I both do and don't know how hard it is to let go of something that meant so much to you as a kid. I know in so much as I've done it; but my autistic brain is struggling to not understand why if I can do it, other people can't. If it's about friends--guys, gals, non-binary pals, they ain't your friends if they don't want anything to do with you if you can't talk about Harry goddamn Potter. If they will talk to you without it, find that thing to talk about.

I know it'll hurt. I still ache sometimes to go back to [insert setting of Belgariad/Mallorean here], and see all my book friends, but, hey, I've sure read a lot of books since I stopped re-reading the same 10 books every 12-18 months for 13 years.

Sometimes, we outgrow things. That's okay. It's allowed. I gave myself permission to make 2010 the last time I read those 10 books. I give myself permission to miss them. I give myself permission to think fondly of what they meant to me. But it became time to move on, because my soul is bigger than racism, sexism, and two people who beat their children, and needed to be fed with new things.

#musings #fandom meta #reading #probably unpopular opinion #letting go of the past #the belgariad & mallorean #god i'm old

[a-d-nox]

nyx, the goddess of night (asteroid 3908)

:) it’s my twentieth post! time flies! but i thought that i should introduce myself: i’m a. d. nox and this is my asteriod alias! nox is the roman goddess of night - but the greek aspect is the only one with an asteroid :/ so i endure it lol. but “a. d. nox” has been my alias since before i wrote/finished my manuscript back in 2020 - this tag and i have a long history! i created it for my book but it has yet to be published… so there is where my username originates from, but what else? well i thought i would share 20 astrology facts about me with y’all!

LET’S START.

1) i’m a scorpio moon (with a capricorn degree lol - help), 2) i also have a 8h stellium (sun, moon, and mercury (retrograded ofc)), 3) my nyx asteroid sits in my 8h at 29° (i just learned that this year so it’s a bit wild that i go by nox), 4) everyone flinches to hear i have a sag venus (capricorn degree) but they double flinch when they hear it is conjunct pluto with a .58 applying orb (yes i have been in love before and no i have never physically stalked anyone lol), 5) i’m pluto dominant (13.3% per walter pullen lol), 6) my strongest aspect is my jupiter opposite pluto (64.27 power per dear old walter again), 7) i have a grand trine (mars, saturn, and neptune), 8) my favorite placement in my chart is my 7h virgo mars at 25°, 9) yes, my saturn is in retrograde and yes, i am not and have never been close with my father, 10) my pluto persona chart has a 3h and 5h stellium *clown emoji*, 11) my IC persona chart has an 11h and 7h stellium *double clown emoji*, 12) i have chiron in my 9h and i have yet to drop out of college lol - i’m going to be a senior this year, 13) my academia asteroid persona chart has the mystic rectangle shape - i have a 8h and 12h stellium which makes sense i studied forensic psychology for 3 years and last semester i decided to switch to literature (maybe 9h chiron is on to something lol), 14) chart preferences: placidus and tropical, 15) i read astrology conservatively but i’m a liberal - conservative and liberal are law terms: conservative=as it is written (if the asteroid groom is dedicated to the caltech engineer then that’s what it’s about (plus the software he developed)) and liberal=meaning to evolve as time goes on (groom is the potential husband for the liberal astrologer), 16) my favorite non-mythological asteroid is utopia (1282), 17) all my favorite people have a lot of capricorn and sagittarius placements - i tend to get along best with fire moons, 18) i’m living on a chiron square asc and a moon trine asc line and all i want is to leave but im holding on until my degree is wrapped up to leave (which is gonna happen next year, my solar return says 9h jupiter 0° in aries and a 4h stellium with sun, mercury, and venus so i’m going get out of here one way or another), 19) i have venus in my 9h ISTG i have THE WEIRDEST relationships with my profs they all love me :’) my org crime professor said see you next semester to me on the last day and i was like i don’t have you next sem and he was like oh :’( and these summer classes, i am texting with profs and casually emailing with them (the one was telling me how she was traveling to utah lmfao), 20) i have 11° in jupiter (5h) and uranus (7h) for my tumblr’s birthchart and that’s super cute BUT EVEN CUTER I HAVE A 4H STELLIUM (awww) it’s like we’re family up in here (pluto (27°), mercury (4° - awe), and saturn (17°))!

this was pretty fun to throw together - feel free to reach out to me to talk more about astrology in general or about my posts (i just beg of you to not write just “hey” or “hey, how are you?” i can’t do topical convos (8h mercury, remember? lol)).

back to the regularly scheduled program: the mythology and astrology of nyx, goddess of the night.

Nyx is the daughter of Chaos and is considered a primordial. A primordial means that the being precedes Titans, Olympians, and mortals. She emerged from Chaos when time was created as a means to create balance in Chaos's creation. She is the maker of many things: Day, Sleep, Death, Moirai (the Fates), Aging, etc. She bore Uranus with Phanes and then Cronus with Uranus (lol don't say it, we know). She is essentially the reason the eras in myth exist - and myth exists at all. To gauge her power and intimidation level: Zeus is terrified of her. Once upon a time, Hera decided that Zeus was incapable of ruling so she called upon Sleep - Hypnos, as he is better known as - to help her with her plan. Hypnos placed Zeus in a deep sleep while Hera took over power of the gods. But Hypnos was not strong enough to keep Zeus asleep - Zeus was irate, Zeus blamed Hera but Hera convinced Zeus it was Hypnos's fault. Hypnos ran Tartarus - when they reached the darkness cavern, Nyx emerged. Nyx towered over Zeus and told him to leave and forget whatever it was Hypnos did if he knew what was best for him. Zeus immediately left. But when she is not scaring gods, she is changing day to night with her husband, Erebus. IN MY OPINION Nyx in a chart represents a) creation, b) how and where you create balance in life, c) being a mother, d) how and where you create change around you, e) where you are viewed as intimidating and/or all-knowing, and f) your relationship with the darkness.

i encourage you to look into the aspects of nyx along with the sign, degree, and house placement. for the more advanced astrologers, take a look at the persona chart of nyx AND/OR add the other characters involved to see how they support or impede nyx!

OTHER RELATED ASTEROIDS: chaos (19521), zeus (5731 / h42), hera (103), kronos (h43), and hypnos (14827)!

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for! please use my “suggest a post topic” button if you want to see a specific post or mythical asteroid next!

here’s to 30 more posts ‘til another big post!!

click here for the masterlist

click here for more greek myths & legends

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

#astrology #persona chart #asteroid #asteroid astrology #astro chart #astro community #natal chart #greek mythology #astro placements #nyx #goddess of the night #asteroid3908

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Science of Touch

ANYONE who touches people for a living should read this post,and ANYONE who pay other people to TOUCH them should read parts of this post.

Many therapists truly believe that it is the craftsmanship and specificity of their skillful, highly trained (God-given) hands that "does the job" when administering TOUCH to bring out a hypoalgesic effect.

On the contrary, research implies that ANY manual hands-on technique could potentially produce a hypoalgesic effect. The practical implications suggest that no "specific" hands-on technique will bring out a particular unique effect vs another "specific" technique (unless the therapist aim to physically break tissue, or slapping someone vs stroking movements).

Subsequently, when so many claim and so many wholeheartedly believe that it is due to the unique, often Guru-taught manual technique in itself applied to a "specific structure" for a "specific purpose" (guided by a dominantly dualistic bottom-up approach / Descartes) that's responsible for the magic; rules of scientific reasoning and biological plausibility are broken in plenty-fold (driven by circular reasoning; http://bit.ly/1dywd4F, confirmation bias;  http://bit.ly/wA8Jqw & http://bit.ly/1p8La8t and essentially leading to wasting one's life on fake facts; http://bit.ly/16tVBaY).

The principle of veracity lies in the TOUCH!

The evidence points towards the painful fact that the technique itself holds much less specificity than we like to think. It is the variables (fingerspitzengefüh) related to haptics, nothing else. Yet, the powers of TOUCH do still contain so much more than one could ever possibly imagine. Haptics is nonverbal communication through TOUCH, dominantly guided by a holistic top-down approach. This skill is trainable to a certain extent, but will at some point limit itself because it's an inherent individual introceptive skill unique for every human being. As I like to put it; the concept of haptics can be conceptualized in this claim:

"Everyone can make a baby, but not everyone can make it an event to remember...."I think this is a good analogy to explain that everyone can touch someone, but not everyone will be able to "rub" you the "right" way... It probably depends much on social and interpersonal variables.

Also, what if the mechanisms behind the pain-reducing effects of providing manual care to persons in pain simply comes down to the fact that the person is being taken CARE of? The effects of manual care = being taken care of? Bottom line, there's a whole lot more going on with TOUCH than what most therapists like to think!

If intrigued, follow these down the Rabbit Hole:

1) "The Power of Touch" on Psychology Today: http://bit.ly/WC1H63 2) "The Science of Touch and Emotion" on Berkeley Science Review: http://bit.ly/1gXXOxN 3) "Evidence That Little Touches Do Mean So Much" on the New York Times: http://nyti.ms/1oO922i 4) Dacher Keltner on Touch, an 8 min vid: http://bit.ly/1kX0RIG 5) "Pleasant to the Touch" on the Scientist: http://bit.ly/1nqyS7a 6) "Acute Pain Is Eased With the Touch of A Hand" on PHYSORG: http://bit.ly/1lTEggv 7) "The Mystery of Human Touch" on Pacific Standard: http://bit.ly/1m5KkXW "Scientists Identify Key Cells in Touch Sensation" on Scicasts: http://bit.ly/1qzpvXT'

8) "Scientists Identify Key Cells in Touch Sensation" on Scicasts: http://bit.ly/1qzpvXT'

9) "A Mind About Touch", a 5 min vid on Brainfacts: http://bit.ly/1nTGPDw The next 6 on MedicalXpress: 10) "Researchers Examine How Touch Can Trigger Our Emotions" http://bit.ly/1ihsORf, 11) "Our Ability To Identify the Source of Pain Varies Across the Body" http://bit.ly/1lGvVCK, 12) "Groundbreaking Model Explains How the Brain Learns To Ignore Familiar Stimuli" http://bit.ly/1qqh3Yu, 13) "Nerves of Endearment: How a Gentle Touch Affects Emotions" http://bit.ly/1ihG48n, 14) "A 'Hands-On' Approach Could Help Babies Develop Spatial Awareness" http://bit.ly/1qqh66Q 15) "Metaphors Make Brains Touchy Feely" on Science News: http://bit.ly/1kWBV4f 16) "Rub Out Your Pain" on BrainBlogger: http://bit.ly/1m5VxrA 17) "Not Just Skin Deep: Neurons Detect Pleasurable Touch" on KnowingNeurons: http://bit.ly/1yuTwu4 18) "Sensual Caress - How Does The Brain Respond? Neuroscientists Explain" on Medical News Today: http://bit.ly/1suqj1Z 19) "A Nose for Touch" on the Scientist, an intriguing post about how the star-nosed mole interpret its surroundings through touch: http://bit.ly/1wcbJdQ 20) "The Cell Biology of Touch", open access in the Journal of Cell Biology: http://bit.ly/1ihHZKf 21) "Pain Relief by Touch: A Quantitative Approach", open access in Pain: http://1.usa.gov/UpxVni 22) "The Skin As A Social Organ", open access in Experimental Brain Research: http://bit.ly/1EeZfX1 23) "The Social and Personality Neuroscience of Empathy For Pain and Touch", open access in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience: http://1.usa.gov/1nTHK7a 24) "Vicarious Responses to Social Touch in Posterior Insular Cortex Are Tuned to Pleasant Caressing Speeds", open access in the Journal of Neuroscience: http://bit.ly/1iTwraL 25) "Pinpointing the Pressure Responder", open access in Science Signaling: http://bit.ly/SYBgsi 26) "Epidermal Merkel Cells Are Mechanosensory Cells That Tune Mammalian Touch Receptors" on PainResearchForum: http://bit.ly/1sujspr 27) "Sensory Biology: It Takes Piezo2 To Tango", abstract in Current Biology (PM me for full text): http://1.usa.gov/1nqsJYz 28) "An Alternative To Traditional Mirror Therapy: Illusory Touch Can Reduce Phantom Pain When Illusory Movement Does Not", abstract in Clinical Journal of Pain (PM me for full text): http://1.usa.gov/1iTmv0Q 29) "Pain-Specific Brain Activity Arrives Just Before Birth" on PainResearchForum (PM me for full text): http://bit.ly/1lGJRN1 30) "Discriminative and Affective Touch: Sensing and Feeling", abstract in Neuron (PM me for full text): http://bit.ly/Tg6F9U 31) "Genetic Identification of C Fibres That Detect Massage-Like Stroking of Hairy Skin In Vivo", abstract in Nature (PM me for full text): http://bit.ly/UpNJXc 32) "The Science of Interpersonal Touch: An Overview", open access in Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews: http://bit.ly/1iTx2Jr 33) "Touching and Feeling: Differences In Pleasant Touch Processing Between Glabrous and Hairy Skin In Humans", abstract in European Journal of Neuroscience: http://bit.ly/1it8L1V 34) "Touch Sense: Functional Organization and Molecular Determinants of Mechanosensitive Receptors", open access in Channels: http://1.usa.gov/1qzy8S8 35) "Touch Communicates Distinct Emotions", open access in Emotion: http://bit.ly/1pum5DK 36) "Primary Somatosensory Cortex Discriminates Affective Significance In Social Touch", open access in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences: http://bit.ly/1yuVDy7 37) "Neurons in your skin can do math": http://bit.ly/1o6tTs0 38) A BUNCH of papers and slides from Dr Nicholas Paul Holmes, PhD in Neuroscience. His research area dives into the cognitive neuroscience and psychology of 'the hand'. His website on Neurobiography seems like a never-ending story. Start out with his lecture notes on "Body Perception 2: The Skin and Touch" and get lost in everything touchy: http://bit.ly/1qzyV5s 39) A BUNCH of open access papers from Touch: Gothenburg about somatosensory research: http://bit.ly/SA1TVd 40) Dunbar - 2010 - The social role of touch in humans and primates: Behavioural function and neurobiological mechanisms: http://bit.ly/1JVP3q9 41) "Fingertips To Hair Follicles: Why 'Touch' Triggers Pleasure And Pain" Intreview with David Linden on NPR: http://n.pr/1xawNiV 42) "The Power of Touch" on The New Yorker: http://nyr.kr/18pZcMN 43) "Active Interpersonal Touch Gives Rise to the Social Softness Illusion", open access in Current Biology: http://bit.ly/1QuO2aC 44) "Emotional and physiological responses to touch massage", open access Phd thesis from Lenita Lindgren: http://bit.ly/1iXoEgd 45) "Keeping the touch in medical practice" http://bit.ly/1kEtRN3 46) "Development of brain mechanisms for processing affective touch" http://1.usa.gov/1Rg8A8K 47) "Feel me - what the new science of touch says about ourselves" in The New Yorker: http://bit.ly/1TS0Z0y 48) "Encoding of Touch Intensity But Not Pleasantness in Human Primary Somatosensory Cortex", abstract in Journal of Neuroscience: http://1.usa.gov/1TLn414 49) A blogpost by Meghan Mounce that to me describes the humanistic value of touch: http://bit.ly/2ccWGPJ 50) "The sensory neurons of touch", open access in Neuron: http://bit.ly/2cFi2F6 51) "From sweeping to the caress; Similarities and discrepancies between human and non-human primates' pleasant touch", open access in Frontiers in Psychology: http://bit.ly/2dfyPOx 52) "Social touch modulates endogenous μ-opioid system activity in humans", abstract in Neuroimaging: http://bit.ly/2kgUP0I 53) "The human somatosensory system: From perception to decision making", abstract in Progress in Neurobiology: http://bit.ly/2oTzugT 54) "Effect of Continuous Touch on Brain Functional Connectivity Is Modified by the Operator’s Tactile Attention" in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience: http://bit.ly/2uOPzap 55) "Voluntary self-touch increases body ownership" in Frontiers in Psychology: http://bit.ly/2HJzwBy 56) «Uncovering the cells and circuits of touch in normal and pathological settings» in Neuron: http://bit.ly/2yAucK2 57) https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/psychodermatology-when... It also feels very relevant to add this excellent post from Paul Ingraham titled Palpatory Pareidolia http://bit.ly/KmV6C2 (for those who think what they find with their trained hands must be true, because they did nonetheless, find it with their trained hands #PunIntended #CircularReasoningRightThere) and this potentially provocative post from Adam Meakins (The Sports Physio on Twitter http://bit.ly/1sunwpG): "There Is No Skill In Manual Therapy…?" http://bit.ly/1lHno0y ...aaand Diane Jacobs' DNM references (65 pages long!!!): http://bit.ly/1Hj0iWS

#touch therapies #massive touch therapy links #massage therapy #touch #science

[foxfirekit]

TOA Anniversary Munday!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Tagging: You. Right there. Yes, you.

Name: Sekhmet

Pronouns: she/her

Birthday (no year): 1st September

Where are you from? What is your time zone? Australia! Timezone is AEST (which means it is Tuesday for me not Monday kek)

Roleplay experience: I have been doing some form of roleplay, on an off, for nearly 13 years. I have good memories, and the Horrors(tm). I have spaces I will never return to, and now two RP homes ^^

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Got any pets? TT^TT Not anymore

Favorite time of year: Spring! Not too hot, not too cold and it's heading away from Winter!

Some interests and things you like: Writing, art, reading, video games, Dungeons and Dragons, teaching!

Some funfacts & trivia about you: When I was in grade 8, during woodworking, I was probably the most accident prone student much to my teacher's horror. I managed to be attacked by the tools every single lesson. Including being attacked by the belt sander, I still have the scar from that. A more fun fact - I have an animation degree! I spent three years of my life learning and specialising in the art of animation! And then I became a teacher XD

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? There are a lot but from the ones I play the most - World of Warcraft, Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy 7, 13, 14 and 15, Pokemon, Hades, Sims 4 if I'm feeling it, Splatoon, Tales of Series games

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: I don't really have a favourite type, cause I like Pokemon by design, but my favourite pokemon would be Dragonair, followed closely by Victini, Snivy evolution line, Popplio evolution line, Umbreon, and Joltik.

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How did you get into Fire Emblem? Uhh... I found a ROM on the internet one day.... *coughs*

What Fire Emblem games have you played? Shadow Dragon (unfinished), Blazing Blade (unfinished), Sacred Stones (unfinished), Awakening (finished), Fates (finished), Shadows of Valentia (unfinished), Three Houses (finished), Three Hopes (unfinished), Warriors (finished), Heroes (uninstalled and disowned)

First Fire Emblem game: Blazing Blade

Favorite Fire Emblem game: Awakening!

Any Fire Emblem crushes? *coughs* Matt Mercer's characters *coughs* (coincidentally too! Their personalities are just amazing <3) Chrom and Shigure! And also beloved street rat Yuri

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: First - Chrom, now - still Chrom - Fates: First - I honestly don't remember lol, now - Shigure or Nishiki/Kaden - Three Houses: First - incedentally enough, Edelgard, because of who I named Byleth after and I thought the match was funny. It would have been Seteth if Seteth had been available on Crimson Flower!!! Now though - Yuri. - Engage: n/a

Favorite Fire Emblem class: Witch

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class? .... Witch!

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? ....... Ashen Wolves/Abyss honestly. The AU Sothis followers I made would be how I'd interact with the world and the faith in the goddess, and that would very likely get me called a heretic.

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with? .... I don't know how Engage works XD

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How did you find TOA? Rua told me! And then dragged me over cause I was trying to make an indie blog, and then I decided to apply instead of lurking like a cryptid.

Current TOA muses: Kinu (Selkie) and Seteth

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again? Cordelia. Would I pick her up again? Maybe, though she would also be the first I dropped again if I decided to entertain another muse

Have you had any other TOA muses? Not .... yet

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards? Chaotic type muses or serious and eloquently spoken muses - the two halves of my personality!

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most? Angst, writing emotionally deep stuff that makes people scream at me because of the feels I stabbed them with.

Favorite TOA-related memory: When Seteth immediately got bullied after I picked him up XD Please bully him more

How do you pronounce TOA? Tales of the Abyss *cough* Tee-Oh-Ay

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day that you’d like to share? A few....! Yuri, Shigure... Veronica or Thrasir... Shareena... The Twins from Warriors.... Mikoto... Takumi... The Rainbow Sage lives in my head rent free, silly old grandpa dragon that he is... Sitri through a lot of convoluted means.... Silque....

#[ooc] #month: july 2023 #toa anniversary