#the panic of like. omg did we forget them?? we’re horrible friends

[the-wiggler]

everyone talking about the wedding next month are we not gonna talk about the fact asher and baabe SNUCK into david and angels pool and, when caught, GASLIGHTED them into thinking they had been invited ????

#thats so fucking funny #imagine #imagine being david or angel #the insanity #the audacity #the panic of like. omg did we forget them?? we’re horrible friends #nope. nope its just ur best friend and his mate are two pieces of shits #redacted audio #yapping about asher

[kainumbernine009]

I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

[k-popscenxrios]

Didn’t Ask For This Pt 5 (Roommate!JK x OC)

A/N: You guys are making me so emotional today omg! I’ve never had a story become this popular so fast and I am so eager to give you more of this story! It only gets better and more dramatic from here, and I love me some drama... This chapter and the next were probably my favorite to write so far. It took me like three days to write because of how long my idea ended up being!

Summary: “I didn’t know you hated me so much,” he spoke as he grabbed my wrist and once again turned me around to face him, “and quite honestly, I don’t think I’ve done anything horrible enough for you to hate me to the degree that you do.” “You say that like the hate isn’t mutual,” I remarked as he shook his head. There was a bitter smile on his face as he took a deep breath, “I think you are quite honestly one of the worst human beings I’ve had to come in contact with.”

7.6k words | drama ✞ | fluff ♡ |  mention of mature themes ✗

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Finale

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

The three of us decided to ride together to the bowling alley. I sat in the back while Taehyung drove and Jungkook sat in the passenger's seat. I was having a nice time sitting in my thoughts as I looked out the window. Jungkook and Taehyung were both singing along to an English song that was playing on the radio, and things seems so peaceful for that little bit. I closed my eyes and smiled as I started to enjoy their voices singing along with the artist.

I always knew that Taehyung was good at singing, but Jungkook’s voice was a surprise. I had no idea that the boy could not just sing, but that his voice was beautiful. Too bad that beautiful voice is attached to his rotten personality.

“Hey Ari,” Taehyung spoke over the radio as I snapped out of thought and looked his way, “we’re here.”

I looked back out the window as I saw we were in the parking lot of the bowling alley. It wasn’t a very long drive, but that drive felt even shorter than I expected.

“Oh,” I said dumbly as Jungkook snickered and opened his door. Taehyung and I followed suit as we all made our way into the building in question.

I noticed that Chaeyoung’s car was in the parking lot, and I spotted her the second we walked through the doors. She seemed to be the only one that was from our group to be here before us.

“Hey Chae,” I smiled as she rushed up to us. She looked over at Taehyung and then leaned in to me to whisper something.

“Taehyung has gotten hotter omg,” she smiled to me as I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

“Jimin is coming, right?” I gave her a look as she took the chance to roll her eyes.

“Yeah. He texted me about three minutes ago saying that he’s on his way, but I think he lives nearly 10 minutes away.” Chaeyoung responded as I nodded. I turned to see that Jungkook and Taehyung were also talking quietly to each other like Chaeyoung and I had been.

I was about to say something to Taehyung when I spotted the doors open. My eyes looked at them expectantly as I felt nerves wash over me. Jung Hoseok was much cuter in person…

He walked up to Jungkook and Taehyung as they did some kind of handshake thing that I don’t remember them ever doing, even on the dance team.

“Jungkook! It’s been a while since I’ve seen this kid around!” I heard Hoseok laugh and wrap an arm around Jungkook’s shoulders. I saw Jungkook’s cheeks flush as a smile appeared on my face.

Hoseok calls Jungkook a kid? I could get used to that… I would enjoy seeing his embarrassment over it.

“Oh, Jung,” Taehyung looked my way as my nerves spiked. I wasn’t ready! “My sister is over there if you wanted to go meet her.”

“Oh, yeah,” Hoseok nodded before walking in my direction. I felt panic written all over my face as I looked from Taehyung to Jungkook. Jungkook’s flustered state had already been recovered, and when I caught his eyes with mine, it caused my nerves to increase even more than before.

Why was Jungkook making me nervous? I’m around him all the time! There was no reason for me to feel nervous because of that jerk.

“Hey RaeAri,” Hoseok smiled and I turned my attention over to him. His smile was so charming and it caused a smile to appear on my face, “You probably don’t remember me from high school since I was a senior when you were a freshman. I’m Jung Hoseok.”

He held his hand out for me to shake as I slightly hesitated grabbing it. He was really cute, and I didn’t want to mess this up.

“I remember you a little,” I smiled softly as we let go of each other, “I’m pretty sure you may have given me a ride home from one of Taehyung’s dance practices.”

Hoseok concentrated for a couple seconds as his eyebrows furrowed. A few seconds went by as his eyes moved to look at my face as if he was trying to figure me out. It took another few seconds before his eyes brightened and a huge smile appeared on his face.

“You’re right,” He nodded and a soft chuckle left his throat. I smiled and tried to swallow my nerves that were trying to ruin how well this seemed to be going so far, “I nearly forgot about that. Now that I’m thinking about it, you have always been this cute.”

My eyes widened at his words, and he didn’t seem phased by the fact that he had just called me cute. Then there’s me who’s a flustered mess at his simple words, and he smiled at me when he noticed how embarrassed I had become.

“Sorry, I was talking to Taehyung about you earlier today, and when he showed me a picture I asked him if you had always been that cute. I forgot that you weren’t there for the first part of the conversation,” he laughed and slipped his hands in his pockets before looking toward the door. I looked that way, too, spotting Jimin walking in.

“W-Well,” I spoke to get his attention back on me, “Thank you for the compliment.”

He smiled and let out a little huff of a laugh before grabbing my arm suddenly, “That’s one of your friends that just walked in, right? I don’t want to keep you all to myself. I’d feel bad.”

“No, you don’t need to feel like that! If I didn’t want to spend time with you, I’d let you know,” I softly laughed as he nodded and looked in Jimin’s direction.

“I actually think I know that guy. I think he’s the same age as me…” Hoseok thought out loud as I raised my eyebrows. I was more surprised by the fact that Jimin was 23 instead of being surprised that he might know Jimin. He looks and acts like he’s my age!

“Who, Jimin? He didn’t go to the same school as us,” I informed as my eyes caught Jimin’s. He smiled and waved my way before spotting Hoseok standing next to me. Judging from the subtle look he gave Hoseok, Jimin seemed to also recognize him. “I think Jimin likes dance. Maybe you saw him somewhere relating to that?”

Hoseok just gave a simple nod, but I could tell that he was still intently thinking about it. It was probably going to bother him until he figured it out.

I trailed my eyes around the room as my eyes locked on to Jungkook’s fairly quickly. He seemed to have been looking my way, and when I caught him, he looked away. I swallowed as I took a deep breath and focused back on Hoseok. So what if Jungkook was looking my way? He was just wondering how our conversation was going…

“Ah! I got it!” Hoseok started laughing and he looked my way, “Sorry, it was really bothering me, but now I figured it out. I took dance classes in middle school with him. We were both always competing for who would be the best dancer in the class. I don’t remember who ended up winning, though.”

I nodded and looked Jimin’s way. I didn’t see him as the competitive type, but I’ve also never seen him dance. Chaeyoung told me that he had videos up on Youtube, but I keep forgetting to look for them.

“Well I’m glad you figured it out,” I smiled while looking back over at him. He was already looking my way and I felt my cheeks flush at that thought.

“Let’s stop talking about Jimin,” he slightly laughed and boldly took my hand in his. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my violently beating heart. “Are you hungry? The food here is pretty expensive, but it’s on me if you want something.”

“Oh, I’m fine! I was actually thinking about inviting everyone to have dinner somewhere after we bowled a few times.” I answered as he nodded.

“Then do you want something to drink? There’s soda and they even serve alcohol if you wanted some.” Hoseok looked my way as I felt my face heat up.

“Er…” I didn’t know how to put this without sounding lame, “I’ve… never had alcohol before…”

Hoseok looked at me with raised eyebrows before a soft smile appeared on his face, “Really? How old are you again?”

“That’s irrelevant,” I laughed and looked away from him, “I just… I have an irrational fear that I’ll do or say something that I’ll regret even if I just take a sip or two.”

“RaeAri, alcohol isn’t truth serum,” he chuckled as he looked back to Jungkook and Taehyung. He let go of my hand and waved the two over toward us.

I watched Jungkook’s mini debate on if he was actually going to walk over or not, but when Taehyung hit him in the arm to gesture for him to follow, he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning against.

“Do you guys want to make this an alcohol free night, or are you okay if I buy some?” Hoseok asked as Taehyung seemed a little worried. He looked at me as if trying to decide if he wanted to see me drinking alcohol, and I could tell that he decided that he did not like that thought.

“I think I’d have a nervous breakdown if I saw Ari drinking, so if you buy some, please keep it to yourself,” Taehyung said as he looked at me.

“Don’t worry about it, Taehyung. I won’t have any,” I reassured him as Jungkook just scoffed. I had to hold my tongue to keep from making a snide remark directed at him. I was not about to let Hoseok see me immaturely bantering with Jungkook like we always do.

Jungkook seemed to notice the fact that I was holding back, and a sadistic smile appeared on his face. I gave him a look to warn him to not start anything, but his mind was made up.

“You never cease to be the party killer, do you?” he spoke as Hoseok raised his eyebrows at Jungkook’s comment.

“I’m not killing any party. You don’t need alcohol in your system for things to be fun,” I snapped back softly, trying my best to not get too worked up. Hoseok is really cute and seems really interested in me. I didn’t want to do anything to scare him away somehow.

“You’re right,” Hoseok agreed with me as he sent me a soft look, “Let’s just have drinking free night. Besides, things can get ugly if someone gets drunk.”

I felt my cheeks heat up as I looked in his eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of brown, way more appealing than Jungkook’s, and I felt my heart beat increase the longer I looked into them.

“Hey, look, Yoongi’s here,” Jungkook spoke as my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I looked at Jungkook as he had the most evil smirk on his face. Talking to Hoseok had made me forget that Yoongi was going to be here.

...This was going to be interesting.

“If you’ll excuse me,” I mumbled to Hoseok as I grabbed on to Jungkook’s shirt and pulled him into the arcade.

“What the hell am I gonna do?” I put a hand to my forehead as Jungkook looked at me dumbfounded.

“You want advice from me?” he was the picture of shock, but I didn’t have time to think about that.

“Well you know both guys. I’d talk to Chaeyoung but she’d just tell me to pick whoever’s hotter.” I whined as Jungkook sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I have no interest in helping you. I’m actually quite excited to see how this plays out,” He smiled as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“This isn’t some drama on TV. Jungkook, I can’t screw this up. I would like to not be single for the rest of my life.” I tried to keep my voice low as I spotted Yoongi walking up to Chaeyoung and Jimin. His eyes caught mine as he waved, eyeing the fact that Jungkook was with me.

“Jungkook,” I spoke in a pleading voice as he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked out into the lobby area and spotted Yoongi, but he stopped cold as his eyes landed on something that seemed to make him visibly upset.

I started to grow concerned, but once I looked back out the doorway, I spotted her.

Jennie.

He took a deep breath and shook his head, trying to shake off whatever feelings he just showed on his face, “Whatever. Just stick with Yoongi. You can’t weird him out like you could Hoseok. Plus, like I’ve mentioned before, he’s too good for you.”

“Well while we’re making low blows,” I felt my cheeks heat up and my blood begin to boil, “I’d much rather Jennie end up with Taehyung rather than you. She’s too good for you.”

I left Jungkook in the arcade as I tried to shake off just how angry I was. I took a deep breath as I spotted Yoongi. I should at least say hi to him considering the fact that I invited him.

“Hey,” I smiled as Yoongi looked from Jimin to me. A smile appeared on his face as he stepped away from our friends to talk to me semi-privately.

“Hey,” he responded before looking toward the arcade, “I know it’s not really my business but… what’d you and Jungkook talk about?”

I turned around to see if Jungkook had left the arcade, and I spotted him walking over to Taehyung, Jennie, and Hoseok. “It wasn’t really important. I just didn’t want to argue with him in front of everyone,” I lied as Yoongi continued to eye Jungkook.

“Looks like you did a number on him,” he said in a low voice, “But we don’t have to keep talking about this. I feel bad for asking something so personal in the first place.”

“I don’t mind,” I lied as I felt my curiosity grow. I just wanted to continue this conversation a little longer to clear up some confusion, “What do you mean ‘did a number on him’?”

“Well,” he cleared his throat and licked his lips, “he just looks shaken up is all. I’ve seen you two bicker and storm off angrily, but he doesn’t look mad.”

I swallowed and resisted the urge to look back at Jungkook. I’d die inside if he caught me looking his way after all the arguing we just did.

“But who are the two people I don’t recognize?” he asked as I just smiled nervously. I was just going to be honest with him about Hoseok. If I tell him what he’s here for, it could either be a really good thing, or a very bad thing.

“Those two are Taehyung’s coworkers. Jennie is a girl he kinda likes, and he invited his friend Hoseok to… er, see if we’d hit it off, I guess.” I spoke as Yoongi just seemed to nod indifferently. I took a deep breath to try and contain my disappointment.

Was all of this one sided this whole time? But I’m not the only person that thinks that Yoongi might like me… Chaeyoung and Jungkook feel that way, don’t they?

“Is it going well?” He asked as I looked over at Hoseok. He was joking and laughing with Jennie and Taehyung as I turned back to Yoongi. I felt a needle poke at my heart as I looked back into the eyes of the man who I thought might feel the same about me.

“I’ve only talked to him for like 5 minutes, but he’s really nice. Jungkook doesn’t like the idea of Hoseok and I, and… that’s kinda what we were arguing about.” I revealed. I felt myself slowly fall into a sulking mood as I thought more and more about how Yoongi probably has no feelings for me past friendship.

I found myself taking my filter off to talk to him the more I thought about it. If I didn’t feel like tiptoeing around him to make sure I don’t say anything wrong, things felt more natural that way. Maybe things were better this way.

“Sounds to me like Jungkook’s just jealous,” Yoongi mentioned as I raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry? Why would he be jealous?” I asked as Yoongi just laughed and shook his head.

“Because he probably doesn’t like thinking about you moving on from him. It either hurts his pride or it’s because he still has feelings for you.”

I was about to wave my hands in front of Yoongi to try and figure out why he was saying all these weird things about Jungkook, but the realization hit me before I opened my mouth. I completely forgot that Jimin and Yoongi were under the impression that Jungkook and I are ex’s…

I found myself tempted to explain the lie to Yoongi right then and there, but I stopped myself when Taehyung called out my name. He motioned for everyone to walk over to him as I motioned for Yoongi to come over with me.

“So are we good for paying for two games? We’ll need two lanes because there can only be 4 people per lane. We just need to split up on who’s going on what lane.”

I felt a frown form on my face as I realized the only way we could split the lanes for it to make sense would be if I was in a group with Jimin, Chaeyoung, and Yoongi.

“I was thinking that it could be Jennie and I, as well as Jimin and Chaeyoung,” Taehyung spoke as I raised my eyebrows. What? What?

Taehyung was putting me in a group with Yoongi, Hoseok, and Jungkook? He was sending me to my death sentence. Hoseok isn’t going to want to even look my way after this night.

Chaeyoung sent me a look, but she wasn’t going to fight anything. I was surprised since I hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell her that Hoseok and I were supposed to be on a date of sorts.

“Any objections?” Taehyung asked as he looked my way. It was as if he was expecting me to speak up over Jungkook being in my group, but I wasn’t going to say anything.

“Yeah, why do I have to be stuck with Miss Holier Than Thou?” Jungkook spoke up as I instantly glared at him. I hate it when he uses that nickname!

“It was the best way to split everyone up,” Taehyung raised an eyebrow to his friend, “Unless you want to switch with me?”

Jungkook looked at me and his eyes narrowed intensely. I felt confusion written all over my face as I looked at Taehyung.

“But then I won’t be in the same group as you, Taehyung,” Jennie frowned and gave Jungkook a slightly pleading look, “Please don’t switch with him.”

Chaeyoung sighed and looked my way. She seemed to be seriously contemplating something, and her mind was made up before I had a chance to stop her.

“I’ll switch with you, Jungkook,” she spoke up as Jungkook looked her way. I noticed him also glance at Jimin who was visibly disappointed, but he sent her a look that told her that he would be okay with it.

“Then is everything settled?” Taehyung asked as everyone stayed quiet. I looked around and spotted Hoseok looking my way with a blank expression. When our eyes met, he sent me a soft smile that I returned. “Great! Now, we need to actually get the games started or we’ll end up being here forever.”

…

I entered my name in last since I was the only one out of the group to have never been bowling before. I sat next to Chaeyoung as both Yoongi and Hoseok sat on the opposite side. I took a deep breath as I watched Chaeyoung get up to bowl. I watched her movements as she rolled the ball to end up with hitting 7 of the ten pins.

She was getting ready to go for a second time when I noticed that Jungkook was getting up to take his turn. I felt my eyes practically glued to him as I found myself captivated by how focused he seemed. He took a few breaths before taking a few steps forward, swinging his arm back and then forward letting the ball go. It rushed at the pins as he just watched, his fingers finding his hair.

A satisfied smile made a home on his face as he looked at the strike he had just scored. I swallowed as his eyes met mine, and I felt my face flush as he sent me a breathtaking smile. He mouthed some words, and it took me a few seconds before I figured out what he had said.

‘Beat that.’

…

It wasn’t long before it was my turn to bowl as I felt nerves overcome me. I wasn’t liking the fact that everyone was watching me, but it was something that I’m just going to have to get over.

“I have to be honest,” I spoke as I looked to Hoseok. He was coming back from his turn as he scored a 6 and finished it off with a spare. “I’ve never actually bowled before.”

“Wow,” Hoseok smiled and I stood up to stand next to him, “Do you want me to help you out a little? We can take this game as your practice game and not hold your score against you.”

“Wait, are we doing something with the scores?” I asked as Hoseok looked over to look Taehyung and Jungkook’s way.

“It was Jungkook’s idea. He wanted the person with the lowest score to buy the person with the highest score something,” Hoseok mentioned as we stepped up on the bowling platform.

I looked back at Jungkook with a glare as he just sent me a smirk, seeming to know exactly what that look was for. Now this was personal.

“Well I’m definitely not going to get the lowest score knowing that,” I frowned as I realized that I forgot to bring a bowling ball with me. I rushed back to get the one that Chaeyoung and I both picked out.

“Okay, so you want to stand on this spot right here,” Hoseok pointed as I stook a few steps back and put my feet where he indicated, “And hold the ball up like you’ve seen everyone else do.”

I nodded and held the ball up to my chest. I felt my nerves spike as Hoseok walked behind me and placed a hand on my back, “Now you just need to walk forward and swing the ball back for momentum.”

I thought back to the little Mii’s on the TV screen as I nodded. I knew how I needed to swing it, I just didn’t know when to let go and how to move my wrist to guide the ball.

“Just do a practice run through of it to get a feel for it,” Hoseok nodded and stepped away. I took a deep breath and followed the same motions that I’d seen everyone else do, but when I swung the ball forward again, I almost lost my balance. I stumbled to keep from falling, and I ended up stepping past the line that I wasn’t supposed to cross.

“Don’t worry about that,” Hoseok spoke up with a smile as I looked over at him with an unsure look. “Here, Jungkook is the most experienced here. Just watch him before trying again.”

I turned to see Jungkook getting up to take his turn again. I felt my face heat up at the fact that I had taken so long that Jungkook was already going again, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

I took a deep breath as I noticed him glance over at me. I didn’t shy away from watching him because, I hated to admit it but, he looked so... elegant.

He even looks, dare I say… incredibly attractive. The way he moved was so fluid and perfect as I swallowed. I hated having these thoughts about someone as horrible as him, but I couldn’t deny how addicting it was to watch him bowl.

“Okay,” I swallowed when Jungkook finished his turn with a spare, 8 and 2. “I think I’ll try it now…”

I looked over at Hoseok and he just gave me a confident smile and a nod. I tried my hardest to copy how fluid and perfect Jungkook’s moves looked, but I spent too much time perfecting my form that when I let go of the ball, it quickly ended up in the gutter.

“Oh, nice try,” Hoseok was really nice about my complete and utter failure as the ball slowly rolled past the pins to be sent back over to us. I turned around with an embarrassed blush on my cheeks as I grabbed the second ball. Chaeyoung smiled and me and gave me a thumbs up as Yoongi sent me a soft smile.

I tried again, and this time, I paid attention to where I was sending the ball. It left my fingers and actually stayed on the alley, curving slightly to the left. I bit my lip and watched as the ball knocked down… 6 pins!

I smiled and turned to Hoseok with an excited look on my face. He looked equally excited as I let my excitement take over me. I threw my arms around him in a hug he he just softly laughed in my ear.

“Thank you! You’re an awesome teacher!” I bit my lip and pulled away from him to turn around and call out to Taehyung, “Did you see that, Tae?! I hit 6 pins! On my second try!”

Taehyung stood up as I jumped down and rushed over to his side. He gave me thumbs up before patting Jungkook’s back who was sitting down next to him.

“I’m really impressed and proud of you,” he winked before looking down at Jungkook. My eyes followed his as Jungkook moved Taehyung’s hand off of his back. He leaned back in against his seat before looking up at me.

“You still had a gutterball. Don’t forget that,” he almost mumbled as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I thought it was an awesome first try,” I heard Jennie stick up for me as I smiled and looked her way.

“Thanks,” I replied before I turned to look back Hoseok’s way. I walked back to my group as I sat down next to Yoongi. I looked at him with a smile as he sent one back.

“This is turning out to be more fun than I thought it would be,” I thought out loud as Yoongi nodded.

“I don’t mind bowling. It isn’t my favorite, but I enjoy playing it,” he responded as my eyes caught sight of Hoseok.

“What about you, Hoseok?” I asked as he looked up at the two of us, “Do you like to bowl?”

He just nodded and glanced at Chaeyoung who scored an 8 and 1. “It’s fun. I really like watching people bowl more than I like bowling myself.”

“Really?” I asked as Yoongi got up to take his turn to bowl. Chaeyoung sat down beside me to jump into the conversation. “I guess if you’re watching someone that knows what they’re doing, it’s pretty fun.”

“Are you guys talking about Jungkook?” Chaeyoung jumped in a leaned forward so that the group behind us didn’t hear, “He looked so hot up there when he scored that strike.”

“He’s really good,” Hoseok laughed at the way Chaeyoung worded her sentence, “He and Taehyung are the ones who are mainly in competition when it comes to who’s going to win.”

“Well if I end up being the lowest score, I wouldn’t mind buying him a drink,” she smirked as I smacked her in the arm. I sent her a dirty look as she held up her hands as sigh of surrender, “I’m not being serious! You know that I like Jimin.”

I looked away from her as Yoongi walked back from his turn. Hoseok just laughed as he stood up to grab a bowling ball.

“Yoongi,” Chaeyoung spoke as he sat down in the seats across from ours. He raised an eyebrow to indicate that he heard her, “what do you think of Ari?”

I choked on my own spit at her blunt question as I turned around to pretend to not be there. My eyes caught sight of Jungkook’s as I gave him a questioning look. Was he listening to us?

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asked with an embarrassed look on his face. I refused to look his way, but I did look away from Jungkook as I turned around and stared at the bowling ball contraption in between the seats.

“Do you like RaeAri?” she bluntly asked as I was ready to reach for her neck and lightly strangle her. “And I mean like you would a girlfriend, none of that friend crap.”

I could feel Yoongi’s eyes on me as I watched Hoseok finish up his second frame. He turned around after getting a spare, and a smile appeared on his face.

I sprang up out of my seat and scrambled to get my bowling ball as I passed by Hoseok on my way up.

…

We finished out the first game, and to no one’s surprise, Jungkook won and I had the lowest score. I felt relief wash over me as we weren’t counting this round.

It didn’t take long for us to start the second game, and silence was mostly enveloping Yoongi and I. He and Chaeyoung had finished their conversation before I got back, and I didn’t dare to ask what had been said. I was sure that Chaeyoung would have already told me if things went well.

Jungkook disappeared for a good few minutes to cause his group to have to wait for him while my group continued to play ahead. We started to get a good two frames ahead, and by the time we hit the start of the third frame past theirs, we decided to paused until Jungkook came out of hiding.

Jimin walked over to talk with Chaeyoung and Yoongi as I walked over to sit with Taehyung. Hoseok followed me to Taehyung’s side as we just sat and had some small talk. I watched the interactions between Jennie and Taehyung, but something just felt off. Taehyung seemed to have plenty of interest in Jennie, but her eyes kept wandering off.

I tried to figure out who she was looking at, but I couldn’t figure it out. I started to get a little paranoid that she was looking Hoseok’s way, but that theory fell apart when I spotted Jungkook walking back over to us.

...She was looking at Jungkook?

I felt my stomach drop as I looked at Taehyung who seemed to be having a great time. He was smiling and laughing about something Hoseok said, but both Jennie and I were zoned out.

I saw Jungkook’s eyes meet hers, but his eyes tore away only seconds later. I noticed his walk was unsteady, and it didn’t take me long to realize where he had been.

I stood up and rushed up to him before he fully got to his group. He looked at me with a confused look for a couple seconds before he glanced at Jennie.

“Look Jungkook, I know you’re at least tipsy,” I whispered as he looked at me with a look as if he was about to fight me, but he stayed quiet. “I know I’ve said a lot of things about you and Jennie, but this seriously isn’t funny. Taehyung really likes her.”

“I know that,” Jungkook spat as he grumbled and took a deep breath, “God she’s so damn hot still…”

“I swear, Jungkook” I felt panic rise into my voice as his eyes looked over at Jennie again, “You’ve said all this stuff about not touching her because Taehyung likes her now.”

“But she’s just…” Jungkook took a deep breath, “She still likes me… I didn’t like she would still…”

I tried my hardest to hold back the urge to slap him in the face as he looked back at me. His eyes pierced into mine as I grabbed his arm and started to pull him back to the concessions.

“I’ll take a water,” I spoke as I kept a death grip on Jungkook’s arm. I was not about to let this mess of a person anywhere near Jennie in his current state.

The man behind the counter handed me a bottle as I handed him the money. It cost me an arm and a leg for that bottle, but I’d do anything if it meant that Jungkook wasn’t going to ruin Taehyung’s night.

“Drink this,” I ordered as I forced him to sit down at one of the two person tables they had placed around the concession stand. Jungkook listened to me as he downed almost half the bottle in less than three seconds.

“God, why are you so damn annoying,” he spoke as I grabbed the water from him out of slight anger, “There is a hot girl in there, a girl who I still really like, and she’s interested in me, too! I thought she didn’t ever want anyone like me again!”

“Jungkook, you may be a douchebag, but do you really want to hurt your best friend again?” I scolded as he looked into my eyes, “You promised him you wouldn’t flirt with her.”

“I’m not gonna flirt with her,” Jungkook narrowed his eyes, “I’m going to fuck her.”

I took a deep breath and looked at Jungkook with the most disappointed and hurt look that I could ever display. His words hurt me, even, and I wasn’t the one who liked Jennie.

“Go to hell, Jungkook,” I spat before opening the water bottle and pouring the rest of the water on his head. The look on his face tore me up as I threw the bottle at him for good measure. Maybe spending $5 on a bottle of water was worth it if I got to do that to him.

“Ari,” he called out to me as I started to walk away. I could feel tears building up in my eyes as his hand grabbed my wrist to stop me from walking, “Stop storming away like that.”

I spun around and took a deep breath. I tried my hardest to keep the tears from spilling from my eyes, but it wasn’t long before they were streaming down my face, anyway.

“I don’t have anything to say to the likes of you,” I spat as Jungkook’s eyes widened sadly. He watched the tears roll down my cheeks, and I violently wiped them away. I was dying to spin around and run off into the bathroom, but he wasn’t having that. He grabbed onto my other arm to secure me to him.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he spoke as I narrowed my eyes through my tears. He swallowed and reached up to try and wipe a tear that had just left my eye. I shoved his hand away and yanked my other hand out of his hold.

“I want you out of my apartment,” I spoke with a broken voice as he took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, “If you sleep with Jennie, I’m sure Taehyung would help you pack so that he never has to see you again.”

“I’m not going to sleep with Jennie,” he spoke with a shaky voice as I noticed a tear slip from his eyes. I didn’t know how to feel as he quickly wiped it away and pretended it was never there. “And I’m not moving out.”

“Why the hell not?” I took a step closer to him as he swallowed and reached out to touch my hand. I flinched at the touch, but I didn’t find myself pulling away.

“I’d-”

“Ari?”

I turned and pulled my hand out of Jungkook’s as I spotted Chaeyoung and Taehyung walking in our direction. Chaeyoung rushed up to me as Taehyung swallowed with a wide eyed look.

“Let’s run to the bathroom,” she nodded as I just followed her lead. I didn’t want to talk to Taehyung right now, so I was just going to leave Jungkook to explain everything to him.

Chaeyoung and I were soon standing in the hallway to the bathrooms, but we didn’t actually go in.

“What happened?” Chaeyoung looked incredibly concerned as my tears came to a slow stop. I took a deep breath to try and fully calm down, but it was really hard. I got really worked up back there…

“Jungkook and Jennie used to date when they were in high school. Taehyung currently likes Jennie, but I caught Jennie giving Jungkook more attention than she was Taehyung. Jungkook then ran off and got drunk so that he would have the “confidence” to do something so horrible to Taehyung.”

My voice shook as I paused and violently closed my eyes and shook my head, “I got so mad because he told me he wanted to not just flirt with her despite promising not to, he wanted to have sex with her.”

“Wow,” Chaeyoung sighed and shook her head while scrunching up her nose.

“It infuriated me, upset me even, that he even said that. I poured a water bottle on his head and ran off, but he followed me to try and, I don’t know, I guess apologize? I told him that I wanted him to move out, but he said that he didn’t want to. I don’t understand why…”

Chaeyoung stayed quiet as I looked over at her. It was weird that she wasn’t ranting about him to help me feel better… It made me worry that something had happened to her to make her upset as well.

“This is probably a really bad time to tell you this,” Chaeyoung swallowed and stared at the ground, probably because she was afraid of how I was about to react to her news.

“But I talked to Yoongi, as you already kinda know,” she took a deep breath, “I couldn’t actually talk about it until you ran off just now, but I just want you to know that Yoongi and Jimin now know the truth that you and Jungkook never dated.”

“Okay,” I shrugged and tried to laugh off my nerves, “You were starting to scare me there!”

“I’m not done,” she glanced up at me as I felt my muscles stiffen up at her look, “I talked to Yoongi about it, and keep in mind that Hoseok was also hearing this conversation. I wanted to talk to Yoongi without Hoseok there, but Yoongi insisted that Hoseok hear what he had to say as well.”

“Well? Just tell me already,” I felt my nerves cause my stomach to churn uncomfortably, “You’re killing me.”

“Yoongi doesn’t like you like that,” she said bluntly, but I could tell she was only just starting, “He told me that he did like you at one point, and he was even interested on asking you out on a date before Jungkook showed up in your life. But… once he met Jungkook and saw the two of you together, he decided he didn’t want to make an enemy of you if the two of you didn’t work out.”

She swallowed and looked up at me to see my unchanging expressions. I didn’t even know what to begin thinking learning all this, and she didn’t seem to be done talking.

“When I told him and Jimin that you and Jungkook weren’t actually ex’s, Yoongi looked at Hoseok and told him to stay away from you. At first I thought he was implying that he actually did want to ask you out and didn’t want Hoseok as competition… But when Hoseok asked his reasoning for saying that…”

I leaned in closer to coax Chaeyoung to finish. She looked incredibly uncomfortable while trying to think of how to word her next information.

“But instead, he explained that you already have feelings for Jungkook. He told Hoseok that he’d be wasting his time on you because you already belong to Jungkook.”

“What?” I yelled as my eyes went from nervous to enraged. Yoongi told the guy I was supposed to be having a date with that I belong to another man?

“Wait! He said that the reason he felt that way was because you ditched the two of them to run off with drunk Jungkook.” Chaeyoung continued as I shook my head and rushed out of the hallway. I spotted Hoseok and Yoongi talking with Jimin as my eyes narrowed. I was ready to kill that tiny excuse of a man!

Chaeyoung grabbed my arm to stop me from storming up to them, but nothing was stopping me. Jungkook was ruining my life and I’m sick of it!

I slowed down my pace when I say that I attracted the attention of Yoongi and Jimin. Hoseok soon turned around and caught sight of me as I felt my throat almost close up on me. I didn’t realize that I still looked like I had been crying until all three of them gave me a look of worry.

“I ran off with Jungkook because I love my brother and didn’t want Jungkook to hurt him again,” I spat out as I realized how out of breath I felt. It felt like Jungkook had punched me in the gut as I tried to defend myself.

“Jungkook’s still hung up on Jennie, and he was about to waltz on over here and sweep her away from him and embarrass him. If I hadn’t stopped him then no one would have.” My hands were shaking as Yoongi stood up and walked up to me with a sorry look on his face.

“I don’t understand why you had to say that,” I shook my head at Yoongi as he continued walking up to me.

“Ari, everyone’s looking,” Yoongi softly spoke as I felt frustration build up in my chest, “can we do this outside?”

“No,” I shook my head as Yoongi sighed and grabbed my arm. I didn’t try to protest as Chaeyoung and Hoseok both watched us walk out of the building.

“I don’t understand, Yoongi,” I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down a little bit. I was being pathetic enough, and I did not want to start bawling in front of him.

“I’m sorry, Ari. I crossed a line, I know,” he took a deep breath and grabbed my hand to try and calm me down, “I shouldn’t have said that to Hoseok. It was really selfish of me.”

“Well apologies can’t fix all your problems,” I sniffed as I looked away from him. “I really thought that you liked me at least a little bit… I just…”

Yoongi gave me an apologetic look, “I didn’t want Chaeyoung to say all of that to you…”

“Well she did,” I swallowed and dared myself to look into his eyes, “Jungkook and I have never been together and there are no underlying feelings there. Does me saying that change anything?”

Yoongi didn’t break my stare as his hand tightened around mine. “Let’s try something.”

I looked at him with an expectant look as I waited for him to continue. Did he want to at least try a relationship with me?

I jumped when Yoongi leaned forward, and without warning, his lips were pressed to mine. I felt my nerves spike as I realized that Yoongi swept in and stole my first kiss with no warning.

The feeling was certainly weird and foreign, and my mind didn’t know what to think. He didn’t kiss me for long as I felt him start to pull away from me. I took a deep breath to catch all the breath that he had just knocked out of me.

“Ari,” he whispered as he looked down instead of at me, “I want you to tell me, did you feel anything from that?”

I swallowed and slowly started realizing what he was doing. I wasn’t surprised that this was what his plan was, but I was surprised that he was making me realize that he was right.

“It just felt like you pressed your lips to mine,” I admitted as a sad smile appeared on his face.

“See? We’re just not… meant for each other. I do love you, but you’re like my best friend… not my girlfriend.” Yoongi explained as I just nodded in agreement. He was right. I was so blinded by the idea of having a boyfriend that I was trying to push something that just wasn’t meant to be.

“You’re right,” I nodded and swallowed as I looked behind Yoongi. I noticed Chaeyoung and Jimin looking out one of the doors at us as I sighed and rolled my eyes. Yoongi turned around to spot them as well, and we both laughed.

“Let’s get back inside. I’ll talk to Hoseok for you, okay?” he reassured as I smiled and nodded. It felt good that he was going to fix the mistake that he made, but my mind started to wander to the thoughts that had been bothering me in the dark and forgotten corners of my mind.

If Yoongi was right about me and him, then…

No. He was definitely wrong about Jungkook and I. Definitely.

::

A/N: Having to break the chapter here was so hard for me because I wanted to post the whole bowling alley section at once... It kills me to make you guys wait, but if I don’t allow myself more time to write more content, I’ll have nothing to post!! Dx

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

#jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook #bts #bts fanfic #bts fluff #jungkook smut #taehyung #taehyung fanfic #taehyung fluff #kim taehyung #yoongi #suga #yoongi fanfic #yoongi fluff #min yoongi #hoseok #hoseok fanfic #jung hoseok #bangtan #bangtan fanfic #bangtan fluff

[littlebtswriter]

jungkook / sleepover

Hello! Can I request where you're best friends (but you've had a crush on them for a long time) with (either jungkook or yoongi, whoever you think the situation fits the best) and you have a sleepover with them, but you get a really bad nightmare while sleeping on the couch in their room. You end up crying and they pick you up and bring you to your bed and cuddle with you and they end up kissing you. (Sorry this is so long omg)

a/n: I’m so sorry it took me a while to post this! I’ve been having some writer’s block. I’m not entirely happy with how it turned out. But, I still think it’s pretty cute. I changed a few details, I hope that’s okay. Enjoy! ^^

“Hyung? Can you come look at my room for me?” Jin looked up from his computer and looked up to find Jungkook behind his chair, rubbing his shoulders.

“Why? What’s wrong?” He asked, pausing his game and turning his chair to face him. “Nothing. I just cleaned it and I wanted you to tell me if it looked okay.” He was looking down at his feet, his hands clasped behind his back.

“I guess so. Why would you want me to check though? Are you having someone over?” Jin asked with a confused frown. Jungkook looked up suddenly, his cheeks flushed. “Yes! I thought I told you. My-my friend is spending the night. We’re going to play overwatch together.”

“Oh, well that’s fine. I don’t know why you’re shy about it, or want to clean your room for him. He probably won’t care.” Jin said, shrugging his shoulders.

Jungkook sucked in a breath. “No, no, it’s not a guy. She’s one of my friends back from high school, remember? She comes over a lot to play video games.”

Jin remembered you know. You were the sweet girl that loved Overwatch and eating all their snacks from the pantry. But, you were spending the night? Jin didn’t think Jungkook was that kind of guy.

“That’s fine, kookie.” Jin started slowly, unsure how to word what he wanted to say. “Um, just … be careful. Make sure you use protection. And definitely ask for consent for everything you do, because you know how messy it-”

“Oh my god, hyung. No, it’s not like that! She’s just a friend.” Jungkook stuttered, his eyes round and his mouth open in shock. Jin’s eyebrows shot upward as he realized what Jungkook he had meant. “Oh, so she just wants to spend the night?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, okay then. That’s fine.”

Jin followed an embarrassed Jungkook to his bedroom and helped him straighten it a bit. He also went into the kitchen and put together some snacks for you both, setting them up on trays and pulling out some cokes from the fridge.

While Jungkook got the game setup, Jin made some little cupcakes with pink frosting because you were a girl, and girls liked pink last he checked. For the finishing touches, he added toothpicks with little cutouts of his face. If Jungkook was having a girl over for a sleepover, Jin was going to make it as fun and memorable as possible.

Yoongi came in the kitchen just as Jin was placing the last toothpick in the cupcake. “What the hell are those?” He asked, unable to hide a gummy smile as he peered down at the little pink cupcakes with Jin’s face on them.

“Jungkook’s having someone over so I thought I’d make them special treats.”

“You’re just going to embarrass the poor boy.”

“Wha! You think having your hyung who makes you fun snacks with his face on them is embarrassing! No, it’s caring and what I should do anyway.” Yoongi just shrugged and walked off after grabbing a bottle of water.

You came about two hours later, you arrived at their large household. It was always a bit intimidating when you first got there, with the security and how expensive everything looked. But, the boys always made you feel comfortable and at home.

“Hey! How have you been?” Jungkook grinned, welcoming you in with a wave. He was wearing his typical uniform of a white shirt, jeans, and timberlands, but still managed to look absolutely adorable in them.

You blinked fast, you had to get your head out of the clouds. “Pretty good, college isn’t what I’d thought it’d be. But, I’m fine.” You decided as he led you into the kitchen. It smelled amazing, like sausages and melting cheese.

“Is hyung Jin cooking?” You asked, peering at the trays of little snacks. “Yeah, he wanted to make snacks, I guess.” Jungkook said, grabbing one of the mini sausages and popping it in his mouth.

“Let’s go to my room, I have the game all set up.”

You hadn’t played Overwatch in a while. If you were being completely honest with yourself, video games weren’t really your thing. The ability to play them decently ame naturally to you though, so it was easy for you to hide why you really wanted to come over and play them.

Doing anything with Jungkook was fun. He was so weird and extra, just like you. When you’d come overseas as a foreign exchange student to his school, you both became fast friends pretty quickly. He wasn’t the best at talking to girls, but since you weren’t the girliest person, he seemed to often forget you were even a girl.

A part of you wanted him to see how much you’d grown since the last time he’d seen you. But, the other wanted things to stay as they always did, best friends doing dumb things together.

“Kookie, you’re not as good as you were the last time we played.” You remarked, as yet again Jungkook got hit by a stray bullet.

“I haven’t been able to play much because of the comeback soon.” He replied, his eyes glued to the screen. He got hit again and his screen went black. Groaning, he flopped back on the bed, covering his eyes.

“Wanna watch a movie instead? I’m just not feeling it today.” Jungkook sighed, rubbing his eyes. You shrugged, setting the controller down and pulling out your phone. You couldn’t help put peer at him every few seconds. He looked exhausted, but still wanting for you to be there with him.

“Do you want to watch horror? We can make your bed first and get some blankets from hyung Jin’s room.” He said, bouncing up.

You both liked the idea, and set about getting the room ready with blankets, snacks, and dimming the lights. Jungkook picked the movie. He enjoyed horror movies while you found them to be alright. You didn’t usually watch them since sometimes you ended up with night terrors. But, you weren’t going to tell Jungkook that and ruin the night over.

You both snuggled under the blankets, snacks in hand, and settled in to watch the movie. It was already pretty late at night since you didn’t decide to watch the movie until after playing the video games for a few hours. Yoongi came in at one point with messy hair and half open eyes to ask you both in a deep, sleepy voice to turn down the volume because he was trying to sleep.

You hadn’t expected the movie to be that gory and disturbing. You were clutching the blanket the entire time while Jungkook nearly fell asleep. By the end, you were completely on edge and your stomach was in horrible cramps.

It was after one in the morning when Jungkook turned off the tv with a yawn. “It was okay.” He murmured, stretching his arms.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, moving your aching legs from the bed. “I’m going to send some memes to our group chat, it needs some spicing up.” Jungkook called out as you stepped into the bathroom to brush your teeth.

He was a mess, but you still smiled.

Once you both were in the beds, side by side, you began texting each other memes and giggling like school kids. “We better be quiet before one of the hyungs comes in her.” Jungkook said through a laugh, burying himself in his blankets. You heard him let out a huge yawn in the darkness, before shuffling under the covers and going silent.

Was he already asleep? You turned over to look at him in the darkness, making out his shoulders rising and falling slowly. You sank back in your pillows, looking up at the ceiling. A sudden weight was in your chest and you found yourself looking around every few seconds.

Without anyone to talk to to fill up the silence, everything felt eerie and strange. You squeezed your eyes shut, longing for sleep to take you away from your irrational fears.

Why was your heart beating so fast? Swallowing, you look over at Jungkook again, who had rolled over on his back. His lips were parted, and his skin glowed in the dim light from the bathroom night light.

It was alright, Jungkook was here. It was just a movie. Nothing was coming for you. With those thoughts, you slowly drifted into an uncomfortable sleep.

Strange dreams kept drifting through your mind as you tossed and turned. The demon from the movie would appear, blood trailing down his chin and a grin forming on his thin face.

“You should honestly die.”

“How is this girl friends with Jungkook? She looks dumb.”

“I bet she just moved to Korea to go to his school and stalk him.”

The demon spoke, spittle flying from his mouth and landing on your cheek. You shuddered. He was quoting the messages you’d been getting on your social medias about Jungkook. Shaking, you screamed, trying to dream a different scene so the demon would go away. You felt as if he was strangling you. Arms closed around you at every side, twisting your body, breaking your bones.

You screamed, trying to pull away, trying to open your eyes.

“Hey! Wake up! It’s a nightmare.” Your eyes burst open and you gasp, leaping from the bed. Jungkook has his hands on your arms, holding you down.

“Are you alright?” He whispered, leaning on the bed. You shook your head, tears streaming down your face. You let out a sob. It was dark, your heart was pounding, you were drenched in sweat, and you just wanted to go home.

You tried to form words through your sobs, feeling humiliated that you were being so vulnerable to your best friend.

“I’m sorry.” You sob through hiccups, covering your face with your hands. Why was your heart beating so fast? Please don’t be a panic attack, you thought, not now.

“I-I want to go h-home.” You cry. You felt ridiculous. Had you, a college student, really just said that? But, it was true. You felt so uncomfortable being here in a strange bed with strange shadows on the wall.

Jungkook’s arms folded around you as he climbed onto the bed. If he was grossed or by the sweat coating your body, he didn’t say anything. He pushed your head into his chest, rubbing your back gently. You could feel his chest rise and fall against you, his steady heartbeat thumping against your ear.

He entwined his fingers with yours, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb. You felt so dizzy as your breath quickened and your thoughts raced. “It’s okay,” He whispered, leaning his head atop yours.

“Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I set off the alarm in Ikea? Probably the scariest thing that ever happened. Worse is that is was captured on camera for everyone to see. My expression was hilarious. What is it the fans say? Jungshook. Yeah, I was jungshook.” He laughed quietly, staring at his hand entwined in yours.

You took a deep, shaking breath. His voice calming and sweet. Slowly, slowly you got your breath back and the world was no longer spinning.

“Do you want some water? Um, I can get you one of my shirts too since you’re sweaty.” He said, pulling away from you and looking you in the eyes. You nodded slowly, wiping your nose and eyes on your sleeve.

He gave you a pair of his boxers and one of his shirts and you walked with shaking legs into the bathroom to change. When you can back out, Jungkook was looking at your bottle of anxiety medication you’d accidentally left in your open bag.

“Is this for anxiety?”

“Yeah,” you said in a rasping voice, still feeling faint. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

Jungkook set it down on the dresser slowly, handing you a glass of water. “I didn’t know you had anxiety.” He said slowly.

“Well, I don’t really tell anyone. It’s not something I’m proud of.” You replied, taking small sips of the water and nearly collapsing on the bed.

“Hey, I don’t care.” Jungkook said. “It only helps me understand you better and why you had nightmares s it’s fine. We all have struggles. I’m here to help you. Don’t hide stuff anymore. It hurts me when you do.”

You nodded, feeling more tears coming again. How did you ever get a friend like this? You both were silent for a little bit, sitting there in the darkness. Biting your lip, you look down at your bed and the dreams you had flashback, a noise from somewhere causes you to jump.

“J-Jungkook. Can I stay in your bed? I’m sorry.” You stammer, biting back tears. Jungkook nodded and waved your over with his hand. You gladly came to him, climbing in his bed.

He let you snuggle up to him, putting an arm around you. You laid your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, breathing in his soapy, warm smell. He rubbed your shoulder with his thumb, closing his eyes.

“Thank you,” You murmur, drifting off to sleep. He didn’t reply, only smiled slightly before falling asleep with your body close to his.

When you woke the next morning, both your bodies were facing each other. His arm around your waist and leg flung over your hip. You watched him sleep, feeling warm and soft inside.

His lips were parted, his dark lashes curved up, and his skin dewy and flushed.

You touched his cheek gently, and whispered, “I love you, Jeon Jungkook. I have for a long time. I hope someday you feel the same way.”

masterlist

#bts senarios #bts fanfiction #bts scenarios #bts reactions #bts request #bts imagines #bts #kim namjoon #jin #min yoongi #suga #taehyung #jimin #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fluff #jungkook boyfriend #bts jungkook #jungkook #jeon jungkook #kpop reactions #kpop fanfiction #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop rp #kpop #bangtan sonyeondan #jhope imagine #jhope #hoseok #jung hoseok

[diana-panda]

wow I can’t even remember the last time I logged onto Tumblr. This place used to be my life, I even had to reset my password to log back on here. i’m amazed that I still have followers. looking at things I used to blog about is so bittersweet, I legitimately feel the things I felt back in the days. shit was really changed since then. been broken over and over and having to grow bigger and bigger. I decided every few years I'll make a  post, a lil update of my life so I can  continue to self reflect on the shit I wanna change. considering I know absolutely none of my followers, this is the perf place for me to just unload a bunch sack load of shit. covid was crazy this year, survived that shit and realize all those years smoking have really fucked my lungs up. today I got another call from Dahni, who I still consider as my best friend forever. one day when we both got our shit together and both thinking straight again, I know we’ll be able to be friends like we used to. I never pick up to phone numbers I don’t know but every fuckin time I randomly choose to pick up to a rando number - it’s Dahni. this is the 5th time she has called me from a mental hospital. it’s crazy, never thought my life would have be me working in a mental hospital and her coming in and out of one. after all these years, you’ve probs haven’t seen her in 3 years - but she has never ever forgot your phone number, even when she has completely lost her mind. she literally doesn't make sense when she talks. at the beginning, you sometimes understood the shit she said and understood what she meant and felt because you were that fuckin close to losing your whole damn mind before you decided to get sober. still so proud of you choosing to be sober, even after probation, even after drug tests. Dahni still remembers your literal exact address. she said she’s been sending you letters for the past 2-3 years but you haven’t seen shit, especially because you moved to Milwaukee this year. you texted daddy but he said he ain’t seen shit, probs lying, he would hide this shit from you. he always hated her but he doesn’t understand that it was actually you who got her into drugs in the first place. I pray all the time Dahni has completely lost herself or she’ll be able to return to herself again, I miss having my best friend around. after the call, you looked at oldddd ass pics like 2015 shit, yall were the craziest - up and just went to alberqueque, breaking into hotels and creating body slides out of tables and chairs in the ballroom, tripping at the trail of lights and deciding to just walk towards the Austin skyline, there were so many pics I don’t even know where we’re at. I miss that life with you dude, not giving two shits about anything and doing whatever we could to just live life. you were the one person I connect with in such a weird way. anyway 2020 was the year I had to finally grow up, and I can’t be more proud. the reason I got sober was because I was drugged then gang raped in 2016, but I have finally accepted that it happened and I am finally moving past it. your ptsd and anxiety was debilitating. months of therapy with no progress, Janet your psychologist thought the best option was drugs to calm you down but you refused, mommy had to move down to San Antonio with you, you got daddy to install security cameras around the house, you went to 3 different police stations and 2 different apple stores because you thought you were being tracked, a panic attack literally every fuckin day, you got your first gun - but damn shit has changed. I think when you got rogue, that was the start of your life changing around. you used to walk her literally only on your street but now you can walk her for hours anywhere. you got control of your own life again. texas sunshines helped you tremendously, you met a few life long friends - even though you made some besties but ended up losing them - either way, they helped you return back to your old self, the free spirit and careless golden wild beautiful soul you had. exposure therapy - that shit works. going to 6th every weekend, even a couple times a weekend helped you a lot. you had only a couple freak outs where you let your anxiety take over you but there was progress. you have grown so much the past 4 years, it’s honestly mind blowing because you used to be at rock bottom. you legit lost your mind at one point, legit rock bottom, even hearing voices and seeing shit, Janet said drug induced psychosis - but your resiliency and strong heart and soul helped you, with the help of god of course. you were in such a dark place but getting through that helped you be where you are now. but none of this could've happened without the help of your parents - they taught you the definition of unconditional love. maybe that’s why Dahni is still battling this love and hate relationship with drugs - she doesn’t have this support system like you. your parents never gave up on you dude, like how am I ever gonna repay them, because if it wasn’t for them - I'd literally be dead long ago. you still have only told a few of your close friends. Dahni and Mikayla a year after it happened. kiara, erin, and Gracie 3 years after it happened. maybe that’s all that ever has to know. this shit don’t define your life anymore girl. it sucked but you have let that shit take enough of your life. no more living in the past. you live and you learn. stop thinking of ways how you’ll somehow find these fuckers and make them pay, they’ll get what’s coming to them. I used to pray everyday these fuckers got killed and died a horrible and painful death but you’re letting them win every time you waste a second thinking about them. just be thankful you got out of that shit alive. you have this deep rooted reputation of a party girl. but never forget, daddy defended you when yall had guests over once - “yes she parties a lot, but she also studies hard too.” you’re legit a UT grad, you got into grad school - which you are killing. you’ve never been a straight A student but now you are in grad school whaaat. but you know if you studied this much and this hard during UT - you would’ve had a higher gpa, but no regrets. ever!! my time at UT was truly a blessing - it was the best time and worst time ever. that was boot camp training you to be resilient. you used to think you were being punished for having to move to Milwaukee for grad school but that was the biggest blessing in disguise. Jim howard was right, even if I did get accepted into UT’s msn program - I shouldn’t go or stay anywhere near Austin, I have too many distractions here, I would’ve failed out immediately - I need to start thinking like a healthcare provider, people’s literal lives will be in your hands. you can’t kill no one dude, losing your license will actually be the end of yo life and all this school and bullshit would’ve been for nothing. Milwaukee was rough at the beginning but you’ve grown to fall in love and appreciate its true beauty. you needed a break from Austin, it’ll always be your endgame and it aint going anywhere. you got to start over, start fresh, grow up, it was exactly what you needed. Milwaukee was the place where you defeated your ptsd, your annoying anxiety - I mean yeah sometimes you do psych yourself out but you have made the craziest progress, even Janet is so surprised and proud of you! you fuckin live alone and do a damn good job of it. but it wouldn’t have happened without Lola. rogue saved you 4 years ago and now Lola has saved you. they are both fuckin wild and misbehaving, but I am sooooo thankful I have them in my life. god put the most perfect dogs into my life, they helped you be where you’re at today. you even made a fuckin solo trip with just you and Lola from Milwaukee to Austin, stayed in Memphis with just yall 2 and literally no panic attacks. never thought that would have ever been possible. lol having your gun around definitely helps. this year you realized that you used to be fat, how come no one told you omg. but that doesn’t matter because you have finally reached the weight you had on your vision board that you made in high school - 105. you got home from grad school and literally every single fuckin person in your life has said you lost so much weight - girl you didn’t even know it, you don’t got a scale in Milwaukee. but looking at past pics, holy shit girl you lost weight. you still got some to go but good job dude - don’t ever let yourself get that bad again. your new goal is to be 100, then you can stop stressing. lol you’ve been trying to lose weight literally since high school, and all it took was grad school and being depressed AFFFFFFFFF to lose 20 fuckin pounds! with the help of addy too. yeah you were depressed, started in the 2nd semester of grad school and was at its worse at in the 3rd semester. but you yourself, and Lola of course, pulled yourself out of that. you walked to the beach, appreciate the scenery, focus on the sound waves - learn to love life again. you’ve changed so much dude, I feel like you’ve finally lost all of your old self now. quarantining for covid made you finally truly clean your room and rearrange it. took the biggest cleanse of your life, and damn it was a struggle because you the biggest hoarder out here. you found your old pieces, crazy how you still got them, you found old pills, even weed - proud of you for throwing everything away finally, and real quick. because you did think about smoking some and pop a pill or two - what’s the worst thing that can happen right. bitch you know what can happen, normal people can do that but you have forever fucked your mind up, like physically and biologically fucked up your brain. the way drugs works on your brain and Dahni’s brain only has a dark side to it - drug induced psychosis - every time, no matter what or when or how long it’s been, you have forever fucked that up. yall dropped the ball on that shit, yall did it too much, esp the mind altering shit and will never be able to enjoy drugs again - but that’s okay. you don’t need that shit. okay for guys, fuckin listen to me here girl. we ain’t going into zayne or Terren - yo first 2 boyfriends was just dipping yo feet in the waters for dating. you already know what you learned from them. you know what you want and don’t you ever fuckin settle.”life is a mess when you settle for less.” I loved Arin, and I'll always love him. your dumbass almost married him but why, knowing he does not meet half yo standards. from Arin, you learned you want someone that treats you like a princess like he did, he always showed you off, he put you on a pedestal, you were legit his everything - you want someone that does that, where you are their everything. but you don’t want someone who gets angry like that, who lets problems get bigger and bigger til they explode - shit needs to be fixed immediately, if your their everything - shouldn’t they do everything in their power to make sure it stays like that. from josh, you learned you want someone who you can be your goofy self and have fun and literally laugh all the damn time with you - it was such a fun time with josh, yall really did have this amazing connection. he truly loved you and honestly truly loved you. I loved josh, and I'll always love him too. he was the first relationship you had after getting raped, and he showed you how to trust men again. these 2 dudes lacked goals and had different visions for the future from you. you’re such a goal oriented and family oriented person - they were not. you worked hard to get to where you are today, and continue to drop the guys and the people who will get in the way of your goals. friends too - if they ain’t with you, drop em. in the end, it’s your family who will always be there for you. lol you truly treat guys like shit dude and everyone knows it, you don’t even feel bad about it, maybe it’s from being raped, maybe it’s from that ginormous wall you’ve built, or maybe you’re just that afraid of getting hurt, but that’s okay, you can keep doing that, it’ll get rid of the weak ones - what you can’t do is treat the good ones like shit, like tai. you never expected to find a dude so different, but maybe that’s what you need. he’s the exact opposite of the typical guys you usually go for - a fuckin gamer, not 6 feet, lol even asian. you didn’t date tai but yall definitely had something for 6 months. he has never done drugs and doesn’t want to even try drugs - I didn’t know that was maybe something I needed in a guy. from tai, you learned that you do want someone who went to college, grad school is even better, super caring about you. at one point you did think he was going to be the one - he speaks Vietnamese, he’s in pharmacy school, he can game with your brother. he may seem perfect but you learned a lot of shit you don’t want in someone. you’re not on social media a lot anymore, other than snapchat. you even had insta deleted for months - then when school ended for winter break, it took you awhile to download insta again, but when you did, you made one post and never got on it again. tai is super in the social media world, and you don’t want that. you’re starting to be someone who really lives in the moment, the shit happening right in front of you matters to you more, you don’t want someone super into the social media world. he doesn’t treat you like you’re a priority to him, he actually makes it clear that he actually doesn’t give two shits about you - so why you allowing yourself putting any efforts into that. the second he’s upset, he’ll drag that shit out and won’t try to fix shit at all - you need someone who will fix shit right then and there so yall don’t go to sleep at night angry, you need someone who will fight and continue fighting for you no matter what. he doesn’t apologize for shit and when he does, there is always an excuse - you need someone who owns up to shit and apologizes sincerely. you deserve someone who truly cares about you and is committed to you, they need to do anything in their power to keep you and show you love you and not give up on you. you did not get gang raped to settle down for someone who doesn’t make you feel loved. you did not graduate from UT and get into grad school for someone who causes you mental stress and make you unhappy. you did not grow into this strong, independent, brilliant ass woman to date someone who makes you question your worth. you deserve someone who continuously challenges you to be your best self and make you feel beautiful. cami said you deserve someone who spoils you, and she is damn fuckin right. you have come so far, getting sober, getting into grad school, someone needs to feel lucky as fuck they have you. but what’s the common denominator between all these dudes - quit pushing guys away, quit purposely ruining shit because you’re scared of shit, quit getting pissed because they don’t react the way you wanted, quit overthinking shit because you’re usually fuckin wrong. just don’t settle for less but allow yourself to get close. your trust issues ain't going anywhere, but learn to put your guard down a tad bit, let yourself get hurt - it’ll only make you into a stronger bitch than you already are. nothing will ever hurt you nearly as much when you got raped. if you got through that, you can literally get through anything. a lot has happened in the last 4 years, but you know what you need to focus on. continue working on your best self. keep thriving and surviving. maybe we’ll self reflect and reorient again when grad school is over in a couple years and you’re back in Austin. just be happy <3 do your best and fuck the rest

#reorienting self part 1 #2020

[amerart]

“Alright Ada, let’s try THIS one on for size.” The scrap of notebook paper rustled as it was unfolded; me and the other girls crowded in, eager to see this foretelling of my future.

“Lucky you, you got an Oldsmobile!” My friend, whose name was Ferngully, announced.

“Noooo!” I clutched a stuffed giraffe close for support, feigning agony.

“And you’re going to live in a hunter’s shack in the woods. In Canada. With your ten kids AND your mangy old dog.”

There was a chorus of giggles; attempting to join them, I made a strange, mechanical chortling sound.

“And lastly- oh Ada, this one’s SO unfair I might just cry!” Ferngully grabbed a box of fairy-scented tissues and pretended to dab at the edges of her eyes.

I raised an eyebrow. “Do tell?”

“You’re going to marry…an ultra-romantic BILLIONAIRE!”

The other girls burst out clapping; as I lacked the capability of blushing, I just felt a weird heat rising around my face.

“What kind of idiot marries an android in the first place? That’s like, marrying your toaster.” I muttered, stuffing my face with a few leftover Valentine’s Day chocolates.

“ADA!” Ferngully scolded, smacking me with a frilly pink pillow and causing chunks of chocolate to spill out of my mouth. “Don’t say mean things about yourself! I’m sure you’ll find a nice, rich, robot-loving man EVENTUALLY… And when you do, I expect you to invite us all over, all the time, for sleepovers and parties!”

I sighed, putting my arms behind my head and leaning against an enormous fluffy dog plush. “When android-human marriages become a thing, I’ll let you know.”

“Okay, time for the next game!” Ferngully announced, clapping her hands. “Let’s play... Truth or Dare! Ada, since you got the best deal out of the last game, we’re gonna ask you first. Truth, or Dare?”

“I pick Truth.” I said, wary of the wild dares the girls were bound to come up with.

“Ada haz chosen ze TRUTH!” Ferngully shouted, and the girls put their heads together, whispering and trying to make sure I didn’t overhear, which was kind of pointless given they were well aware of my enhanced hearing abilities.  

“Alright, here’s your question…” Ferngully cleared her throat. “What do you wish for?”

I blinked at her, feeling the gears whirr slowly in my mechanical head. “There’s my Prime Directive, if that’s what you mean… I thought I already told you guys all about that?”  

“Not that, you silly ‘bot… I mean, what’s your WISH? What do you want out of life? Do you wanna like, kiss a cute boy? Or go skydiving? Or go swimming in a pool of sharks or what?”

I made a totally grossed-out face. None of those things sounded appealing in the slightest, especially the bit about swimming with the sharks. Then my expression softened. “I mean, there’s this one thing, but it’s like, super personal.”

“Come on, now you GOTTA tell!” The other girls insisted.

“Yeah Ada, it’s truth or dare! You HAVE to tell!” Ferngully said.

“Alright, I guess…” I grabbed another pillow, this one white with a unicorn stitched onto it. “But you can’t make fun of me, okay?”

“We won’t, we promise.” Everyone agreed.

I took a deep breath. “Okay, I really, reaaaallly want to win the school beauty paegent. Like, I don’t just want to be IN it, I want to WIN it. Sorry it’s kind of a stupid wish, they probably don’t even let androids into stuff like that anyway, and even if I did there’s no way I could win ‘cause my skin is all weird and sometimes I just straight up forget how to move…”  

“Omg Ada, that’s the most amazing wish ever!” Ferngully beamed.

I looked up from the pillow I had buried my face in. “Really?”

“Totally! And according to the Android-Amendment law they just put in, they HAVE to let you join or else its unfair and the school could get sued.”

“We can help you find a dress and help you with your makeup and everything!” Another one of the girls said, and the others nodded along.

I felt the weird burning sensation again, but managed to smile weakly. “If you say so…”

And that was how, one month later, I found myself wandering the aisles of the biggest department store I had ever seen, nearly in tears (androids can’t actually cry, but at the moment I sure felt like I could). “Stupid robot, you should have just let your friends help you like they wanted to.” I muttered to myself. “But no, you gotta go do it ALL by yourself.”

Pop music was being piped in through unseen speakers; more than one person was unconsciously mouthing the words or moving to its rapid beat. I spied several lemon-scented candles hidden surreptitiously throughout the store; I’m sure they would have smelled wonderful, if androids had only been gifted with the ability to smell.

In two hours I had examined at least ten, twenty different dresses, but found some deal-breaking flaw in almost every single one. Too long, too short, too much glitter, not enough glitter… The only one I HAD liked ended up not even fitting. Not for the first time, I cursed my ungainly, mechanical body, and immediately felt horrible.

How would my Maker feel, if he knew I was thinking such terrible things about his most exceptional creation? I fingered my communication pod through the pockets of my time-thinned jeans. Should I go home? No. Not yet. Just a little longer- I was sure I would find something soon.

           “Welcome, shoppers!” I jumped as a Vision Screen, one of at least thirty scattered around the store, flashed on in front of me. “We’ll get you looking from DRAB to FAB in ten minutes flat, or it’s on us!”

I watched, mesmerized, as every screen changed in perfect sync. The next commercial was some kind of advertisement from a local pet store; squirming puppies, mewling kittens, and even a sullen-looking baby hedgehog all filled the screens with their pitiful whining. I smiled to myself; being an android did have its perks after all, and immunity to cute animals was one of them.

Nearby, a group of girls, high schoolers by the look of it, stood fawning and squealing.

“Awww, look at that puppy, I could just eat him up!” One of them swooned.

“Look, they’ve even got little baby mice!”

I froze, my gaze locked on one of the screens.

“Awww they’re so tiny and cute!”

Had I been human, surely at the moment I would have retched all over the polished marble floor. Mice… Why did it have to be mice?

I began to feel dizzy, a lifetime of horror stories and panic attacks coming into my mind. Tiny mice with their sharp teeth, chewing up circuitry and defecating inside mechanical hearts; mice, tunneling through paper-thin synthetic skin, turning stomachs into nests; and the worst vision of all: a hoard of mice that had overpopulated and now poured out of their victim’s mouth like some kind of sick, twisted beehive.

I fished my communication pod out of my pocket, and dialed a number.

“I need you to come get me. Please.” I sounded hysterical and hated myself for it, but I couldn’t help it right now.

“I’m on my way, Ada.” My Maker’s voice was gentle, though with a curiously flat air that only a scientist could possess.

The advertisement on the Vision Screens had changed by now, but the images of the revolting rodents continued to run in the wheel of my mind, their menacing, squeaky voices forming a disconcerting harmony.

When my Maker messaged me that he had arrived, I bolted out of the store, ready to be free of that horrible place.

“So was your acquisition of finery a success?” He asked, once we were safely strapped inside our electric travel vessel and hurtling down the expressway.

 I leaned my head against one of the cool glass window. “Nope.”

“Aw, sweet, what’s vexing you?”

I debated whether or not to tell him; it wasn’t that he wouldn’t listen, it was just that I wanted my feelings heard, not psycho-analyzed.

“It’s just that…” I fumbled with a stray wire sticking out of my arm. “Nothing fits me. Not clothes, not school, not anything. It’s like I don’t even belong in this world.”

“Oh sweet, you know that’s nothing but nonsense, mere balderdash.”

I lifted my face from the window. “Oh yeah? Is that why I always get picked last for kickball, and why I can’t find a single dress that fits, and why I flip out every time someone mentions the word ‘pool’? Is that all nonsense?”

My Maker sighed a deep, long sigh. For a minute, he dropped the scientific edge that tended to flavor his speech. “Oh Ada… Don’t you know that all of us feel like that sometimes? Everyone, whether human or android or somewhere in between, is going to feel out of place at some point.”

I made the robot equivalent of a sniffle. “Even batty old scientists?”

My Maker nodded. “Even batty old scientists. You’ll figure it all out, sweet. I promise.”

The rest of the ride was spent in silence, as I contemplated his words. Upon arriving home, I stumbled out of the travel vessel and headed for my recharge chamber.

“Hold on Ada, there is something I must show you.” My Maker said, unlocking the code-sealed door to his lab. I followed him inside, not hesitating as a red line scanned my face and two more lights scanned the rest of me.

It wasn’t especially large as far as labs went, but every inch was covered with a mix of papers and loose mechanical parts.              

I plopped down in one a battered swivel chair, feeling it pop and squeak as I spun around and around. Quickly growing bored, I turned and viewed the huge, lightning-blue screens that dominated one full wall of the lab. On it was something like blueprints, with the outline of a human figure drawn in smart white lines. I read the captions, though I knew them all by heart.

Ada Atmore, Version 13.5. Hair color: Platinum. Eyes: Copper. Height: 5’’1. Weight: 115 lbs.

I spun in my chair, tasting the labels that gave me being. There was a bunch of science-y stuff on there too that I didn’t really get, but I figured it was probably important.

“Ada!” I spun to face my Maker. “Activate the light for me, will you sweet?”

I raced for the switch, and saw that it illuminated a faceless, me-sized mannequin, upon which sat the most beautiful dress I had ever seen.

“Is that… for me?” I whispered, staring at it.

“I was going to conserve it for your next upgrade day, but given the circumstances regarding the shopping event, I postulated it would be best to give it to you now. My Maker sounded very pleased with himself. “It is composed of a special nanotechnology involving mechanical spiders, snakeskin, and good old fashion cotton.”

I could care less what it was made of; I was just happy that it existed.

“Thank you, Maker, thank you!” I squealed, embracing him in an awkward hug (scientists, as a rule, would rather have the plague that be hugged, but at the moment I didn’t care.)

“I am glad you like it, Ada. Now, go to that pageant and make me proud!” He said, in a sudden moment of almost fatherly pride.

I grinned and agreed with him. Before I knew it, another month had flown by, and suddenly the big night had arrived.

We joined the stream of people filling the crowded auditorium; I was quickly herded off backstage by a chaperone, while my Maker waved me off and took a seat.

Having already prepared hours beforehand, I stood around uselessly while everyone else made last minute applications of make-up and hairstyle changes. The air was a thick haze of hairspray and anxiety; I heard a few people sneeze. In one corner, two figures sat huddled by an outlet, frantically waving a decrepit hairdryer.

“ADA!” I heard Ferngully’s voice, and suddenly I was being bowled over in a hug.

“You came!” I said.

“Don’t sound so surprised!” Ferngully chided playfully. “I could be DEAD, and I would still come to my best friend’s big night.”

“I don’t think you’re even supposed to be back here.” I laughed, though secretly I was glad for her presence. The two of us made our way to the big, thick curtain that was the color of India Ink and peeked out, scanning the crowd.

“There’s a lot more people than I thought there would be.” I confided to Ferngully.

“Omg Ada, is that your dad?” She asked, elbowing me. It took me a few seconds to spot my Maker, but there he was in the front row, wearing the most hideous outfit I had ever seen.

“May Asimov have mercy on his soul.” I muttered, closing the curtain again.

“Looks like they’re calling lineup.” Ferngully said, giving me an inspiring shoulder punch. “Now go out there and SLAY!” She then disappeared, headed to her place in the audience.

“First up, we have Katie Abbot!” The first girl in the lineup scurried forward, and vanished to the other side of the curtain.

Somewhere behind me, the people with the hairdryer had turned it up to maximum power in a last-ditch effort to make it work.

I turned my attention back to the curtain as the second name was called. I felt my heart quicken. It looked like they were going in alphabetical order, which meant my turn wasn’t far behind.

“Hey, does anyone else smell something burning?” One of the other girls said, but her concern went unnoticed.

“Next up, we have Vernelle Allgood!” One more, and then it was my turn. I picked at my dress, then picked at my synthetic skin, realizing just how many tiny flaws it contained.

Apparently the burning smell had intensified, as a few people were actually starting to cough. Its source wasn’t hard to find- despite being unplugged, the hairdryer was now issuing copies amounts of acrid smoke.

“And now we have our very own Ada Atmore, Android Extraordinaire!” I cringed; I hadn’t wanted to put that in the program, but my Maker had insisted. I slipped out from behind the curtain, feeling extremely self-conscious and having more than a few second thoughts about this whole thing.

“GO ADA! WE LOVE YOU!” My Maker shouted from the front row, surrounded by a number of his scientist friends whom had had dragged along.

I stepped to the front of the stage and smiled as broadly and naturally as I could manage. “Tonight, I will be singing Porter Robinson’s Goodbye to a World.” I said, hating the tremor in my voice but plunging on ahead despite it.

It wasn’t just my voice that trembled; my whole being felt like it was going to fall apart from the shaking. Yet as I began to sing, something changed. My voice became louder and louder, my hands more steady; every insult, every self-deprecating thing I felt about myself began to fade.  

Halfway through the song, a metallic ringing sound reached my ears. Someone’s cell phone, perhaps? Surely they would notice and turn it off, sooner or later. But it continued, and with a jolt, people began to get up from their seats. The smoke, the ringing, the sound of something hissing overhead, could only mean one thing, something I feared even more than mice.

I kept singing, even as the deluge of water from the overhead sprinklers hit me. Even as my body crackled and collapsed, and electricity turned my voice into a mechanical mess, I kept singing. I had to do this. I had to finish the song.  

Only when my Maker rescued me from the sopping stage did I finally stop.

“Did I win?” I gurgled, water filling my mechanical lungs.

“Of course you did, sweet.” I felt him press the first place medal into my hand. “Just like we knew you would.” Through rapidly fading vision, I saw Ferngully whisper anxiously in his ear.

“She is not unfixable.” He said. “Though she certainly won’t be the one we knew before tonight. That Ada is gone.” He hefted my falling-apart body as though were light as air. “In her place, a new Ada, a brighter and bolder Ada than we’ve ever seen before.”

And together, the three of us made our way out of the soaking auditorium, to a world made brand new.

#short story #android #robot #@my creative writing professor #I know you said it was supposed to be around 5 pages #but I couldn't squish it down #I ran out of time #I"m so sorry you have to read 9 pages of this now