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garthofshayeris · 3 years

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I've seen you've talk about how rebirth Garth is not real Garth and I believe you obviously mean personally I am still annoyed over Roy's clone from n52 that everyone keeps acting like is Roy is still a thing, but how is he different?

I’m so glad you asked! It sounds obvious, but typically people like a character for their personality or their story arcs or their character development. Like, why else would you like a character, right? So when there are huge changes to the things that make you like the character, uh…there’s not much left.

So, obviously with reboots some things are going to be changed. Maybe someone’s appearance is altered. some of their backstory is switched up, some personality traits get dropped or added. What sucks about Rebirth Garth is they changed everything about his character, none of it for the better. And for a character who, until now, has had a major part to play in Aquaman and other dc comics for about half a century, it’s honestly pretty insulting. So many creators poured their hearts into shaping him into a character before the reboot. There was so much love put into his stories, that the comparison to rebirth is so, so noticeable. Like…if Dick Grayson was rebooted with a completely different backstory and personality and was only vaguely related to the Batfamily, I think fans would be rightfully upset. I feel the same about Garth.

His personality, or whatever attempt they made at one, is bland and boring. He’s a brute who likes fighting and….that’s it. Compared to preboot Garth who is consistently sweet and sensitive and emotional and good. He’s just a good guy who thinks of fighting as a last resort, because he would rather use his words than his fists. It was such a lovely, refreshing take on a male character (and one who is in big name comics like Aquaman and Titans and JLA) that to lose one of his key elements is terrible sad and disappointing.

Garth’s story is, ultimately, completely tied to Arthur’s. They bring out the best and worst in each other. Garth is Arthur’s foil, from the start he is there to complement Arthur as a hero and they’re part of each other’s arcs. And his backstory heavily influences how Garth acts and what he does. His story is one of grief and loss and identity and overcoming stigma, prejudice, and taking control of your destiny. His story is about healing. Or it was.

Because Rebirth Garth doesn’t have any of that. He is, essentially, a completely different character who happens to be named Garth. Sure, he mentioned offhandedly that when he was in Magic College he had a girlfriend who Died Tragically and then they never mentioned that again. It’s a cheap imitation of his Tula storyline, told in like 2 panels, because Tula is also a completely different character now. They’ve spoken in canon once. Two characters who have been so closely joined together for 50 years barely know each other now. This is the same for every other character who still exists in Aquaman canon (they’ve written out a ton). He’s never even spoken to his other love interest in preboot, Dolphin, at all.

Let’s get back to Magic College though. Garth’s powers (or the few he retained from his original power set, though honestly he just like glows now? They’ve never really explained what he can do) are there because he went to underwater Hogwarts and I guess you can just do that and become magic. In comparison, preboot Garth has magic because he’s an abandoned prince from a long line of powerful sorcerer-kings. But power corrupts and his father is murdered and his mother flees, and although she abandons Garth as birth he is so haunted by their deaths that they plague his nightmares. His powers are earned through an incredibly moving journey that includes (among other things) closure from grief and the literal act of taking ones destiny into their own hands. Garth earns his powers because he is pure of heart, because he is brave, and because he loves so, so much and because others loved him. And when he uses those powers in other comics, you remember the meaning behind them. So Rebirth Garth being magic “just because” is so reductive, so boring, so uninspired. I’d rather him be an average atlantean.

But Garth has absolutely no history with the Aquafamily. Giving us an emotional story with him now would be meaningless because he has no part in the comics or the Aquafam. Sure, they mentioned once that Arthur “raised” Garth but…there’s no evidence of that. They don’t speak to each other in Rebirth. There’s actually no way Arthur could have done that in the canon timeline, but it doesn’t matter because they make no attempt to show he’s even part of the family. Garth has been to exactly zero life events for Arthur. He’s never met Arthur’s daughter. He’s never shown just hanging with the others, and they hang out with assholes who tried to kill them before. He is never there. But we are told, once, that he and Arthur like each other. This character means nothing. You can write him out of the few issues he appears in and nothing changes. He’s completely worthless as a character.

So his personality is gone, his backstory is gone, his character themes and growth are gone…surely he still looks the same?

Wrong. He’a ugly. I’m sorry, he is. Everyone is always posting pictures of him saying he’s so pretty (and comparing him to his look on TT:YO as if those aren’t completely different continuities?) but he looks like every other black haired character in DC right now. He looks like Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson and Time Drake and every other fucking guy it’s boring and it’s stupid. He has ugly straight hair (a far cry from Garth’s usual big, curly locks) in a boring ponytail because apparently YJ and TT are the only source the artists ever used to draw him. And his eyes. He has blue eyes. BLUE. When his character has had purple eyes for his entire existence, when his purple eyes have been a major plot point for his entire existence, when his purple eyes were his one defining trait for his entire existence. Insulting.

And he has eye tattoos. Sure, you say, because we all know Garth got his eye scars while training with Atlan (also now a completely different character) when claiming his birthright (written out of canon) to gain his powers (written out of canon) so yeah, maybe they’re just tattoos now. Except some dumbass at DC couldn’t be bothered to put them on the right side of his face. Yet another defining character trait completely fucked up because nobody at DC cared about making this character. He exists to tick off a box, to say “hey, look, we brought back a character you guys wanted. Buy our comics.”

So, when I say Rebirth Garth isn’t the “real” Garth, this is what I mean. The characters are different in every way that makes characters matter. He’s a character who shares a name and nothing else. And I hate him.

#garth of shayeris #sorry I have fucking clue how to post readmores anymore #so I’m sorry this is so long I have opinions and y’all are gonna see them

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ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 3 years

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I've never met ANYONE who actually likes the Chibnall era. Would you seriously say that it's objectively good?

Brace yourself for unpopular (albeit positive) opinions.

Objectively? I don't know, I tend to feel like media is very much subjective and down to opinion. But on the whole...yeah. I'm gonna say yeah. I think the Chibnall era thus far is every bit as good as the Moffat Era and Davies Era were. It actually blows my mind to see the fandom come together and almost universally agree that the show has gone downhill. It's part of the reason why I kind of stepped away from the Doctor Who fandom because there's something very demoralizing about re-watching clips from Season 12 and seeing literally every comment just talk about how the show is ruined. And if I re-watch old clips, very often I come across comments that talk about how the show "used to" be good, and should have ended with Twelve, etc. I know a little reluctance toward the new Doctor can be part of the transition process, but normally the fans are over it by now.

Things haven't really changed.

I've been re-watching Twelve's era, and found a new appreciation for him. But I re-watched Thirteen's era right beforehand, and you know what? It holds up. Season 11 is remarkably strong. I can't think of a single "bad" episode in that season. It focuses on the characters, and thus it doesn't have nearly as strong ambitions, compared to one of the Moffat seasons, which were clever but often convoluted. They couldn't always stick the landing. (Looking at you, Season 6) But every has it's good parts and it's bad. The same man who wrote The Wedding of River Song and betrayed the entire season's storyline in the process...also wrote The Doctor Falls, which is probably my favorite final episode of any season ever. The Chibnall Era is the same way. The Tsuranga Conundrum isn't really a bad episode, it's just kind of forgettable, apart from the Pting. But then it is immediately followed up by Demons of the Punjab, which is an exceptional story in every way. I want the Thijurians to return for Thirteen's regeneration, I'm saying it.

My point being that even if there are episodes you can't stand in the new era, is that really exclusive to Chibnall? All the way back in Season 1, they had The Long Game, which I remember disliking, but it was sandwiched between Dalek and Father's Day, which are in my opinion, the two best episodes of that season. A lot of people don't like Orphan 55, for example. But it's followed up by Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror. Does anyone really dislike that episode? You're valid if you do, but I think it's really good. Ask me about any episode in the Chibnall Era, and I'll find something to like about it. (Except maybe Arachnids in the UK...and that one's not even bad, just kind of weak.) Because like I said, there is good and bad in every season...and I do think that the fandom has overblown how "bad" the Chibnall Era is...though that may be in part because I think this era is generally good? Incredible companions, solid episodes, a great Doctor, and hey...this era actually made the Daleks scary again. That is impressive. Even most of the hated episodes, like Orphan 55 as I mentioned...I enjoy them.

I stand by that. I think this era is great. If anything, I don't like that they reduced how many episodes we get, because some of these stories, like The Witchfinders and It Takes You Away especially Fugitive of The Judoon, are just begging to be two-parters. Spyfall is the only real two-parter we've had, in my opinion (Ascension of the Cybermen and The Timeless Children feel like two separate stories to me) and the episode was much stronger for having the extra time. If I have one genuine criticism with the Chibnall Era as a whole, it is the stark contrast between Seasons 11 and 12. I love Season 11, I thought it was beautiful. I like it far more than most people. I also truly enjoyed Season 12. But they are worlds apart, with Season 11 feeling so standalone and Season 12 picking up with a big storyline that really hadn't been hinted at all in the previous outing. The tone is also different, with The Doctor and "the fam" having a distance between them that seems to have developed offscreen in between seasons. It was as though Chibnall wanted to give everyone a breather from big overarching plots after the Moffat Era, but then after one season he decided "break's over" because he wanted to tell his story. And that's okay! It is. But it's jarring. Anyway, let's talk about Chibnall's storyline. You know where this is going.

"That" episode.

I meant what I said before. There isn't a single episode that I actively hate as much as say, Listen. Now let's get very controversial, because I know what y'all are thinking. "Not even The Timeless Children?" And I'll just get this out of the way right now: I don't think The Timeless Children, or it's twist, ruins Doctor Who. I don't think it gets anywhere close. I mentioned before that I was demoralized reading the comments on a clip of Doctor Who...to no one's surprise, it was this episode. Now, I may just be biased...after all, I didn't even hate Hell Bent. But while I have my criticisms of Season 12, The Doctor's revised backstory accounts for exactly none of them. You want to know what really bothers me? That we had a seven season buildup to Gallifrey's rescue, a nine season buildup to it's return...only for the show to do nothing with it, and then just destroy it again a couple of seasons later. As someone who loved The Day of The Doctor, I'm mad about that. Among other reasons, destroying Gallifrey is the kind of card you can really only play once.

So no, I don't think The Timeless Children is perfect. The Doctor had a seven season character arc culminating in them learning the lesson that using The Moment would be wrong, and that it was never okay to do something like that. To hear her even consider using The Death Particle, that "Or, a solution" line in response to Ryan appropriately reacting in horror? Yeah, that upset me. I don't like that Gallifrey is gone again, and even if The Doctor wasn't the one to do it, she almost did, and she left someone else to do it in her stead. That bothers me more than The Timeless Child ever could. That being said...the Timeless Child doesn't bother me. Seriously, it blows my mind that people act like this twist ruins Doctor Who. It...really doesn't, guys.

It does not insult the legacy of William Hartnell. He is still The First Doctor. It's not like there isn't a precedent for secret incarnations from The Doctor's past. We didn't start calling Christopher Eccleston The Tenth Doctor after we found out about John Hurt. Nothing can change The First Doctor's status or take it away, nor do I think Chibnall is trying. He is doing what I've actually wanted Doctor Who to do for a while. Give us a story about The Doctor's childhood. (Listen doesn't count, I don't care, that was all kinds of bad.) Let me ask you, what does this really change? I've seen people complain about the revision of The Doctor's history...but there's a precedent for that too. We could play bingo with how many times Clara fundamentally altered or influenced the show's history. She is the reason he started traveling, the reason he chose his Tardis, and the reason he saved Gallifrey. Why doesn't that bother people, if this does?

I also understand it if people dislike this change because they feel as though it makes The Doctor a kind of chosen one, compared to them having just been an average person who wanted to make a difference. I get that. However, this is down to interpretation, and there are so many ways to interpret The Doctor. Some people love it when The Doctor goes dark, other people cannot stand it and view it as out of character. Some people love it when The Doctor is heroic and badass, when they save the day...others would prefer that they take the backseat, teaching the humans how to save the day themselves. "The man who makes people better." And which interpretation you get, where it falls on the spectrum...it will vary from writer to writer. Moffat loved to make everything about The Doctor, and Davies frequently compared him to an angel or a god. This is not the first time that the show has portrayed The Doctor as a godlike being. It's not even close to the first time. And honestly? I don't think this makes The Doctor special or supernatural. I think it makes them a victim, nothing more. A victim of child abuse.

People also disliked this episode for removing the mystery behind The Doctor...but I fail to see how it did that? There are so. Many. Questions. That this finale opens up. Where did The Doctor come from? How and why did they get to our universe? What exactly is The Division? What went down between them and The Doctor? Where is Tecteun? (No, she's not Rassilon...) As the Masters asks, "What did they do to you, Doctor? How many lives have you had?" Amid all of the comments that made me sad, I did see a great one about how the original creator of Doctor Who actually didn't like it when they introduced the Timelords, because she felt that it boxed the show in and removed the mystery behind The Doctor, and how "She would have loved this episode." I agree with that. (Still salty that they destroyed Gallifrey though...) You know, I am genuinely interested in this story and where it's going to go, especially with the sixtieth anniversary approaching. But it depresses me that they might scale it back now, after how much the fandom has risen up against it. Not that I'm saying the fans shouldn't be happy, but...it's clear that a story is trying to be told here, and I think it should have that chance.

To each their own, of course. But I will never understand why this era is so hated.

#Doctor Who #Dr. Who #The Doctor #The Thirteenth Doctor #Chris Chibnall #Chibnall Era #Doctor Who Season 12 #Doctor Who Season 11 #Long post #Boy did this get long #Ramblings #The Timeless Children #The Timeless Child

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buddha-in-disguise · 4 years

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Discourse, Supergirl and fans.

The Supergirl situation with William Dey, is far more than about William Dey per se.

I touched on this when I first posted about David Harewood.

What I have seen, and I am still seeing is while some SuperCorp fans were annoyed about the preview for episode 12, this was also coming from a diverse section of the fandom. That David (and others) have singled out the SuperCorp fandom is both unfair, and unhelpful. But that is a different discussion altogether.

So - I am going to repeat and expand on some of what I wrote at the time to try and explain why I, (and others) have found Supergirl to be really problematic at the moment.

First of all: There is no doubt Supergirl currently has a diverse cast, inc. LGBTQ representation.

However, all the diversity in the world means absolutely nothing if a program is seemingly only playing lip service to the characters.

Compare and contrast with Legends of tomorrow. They have 6 women. 2 Muslim superheroes (a TV first). 5 characters are LGBTQ, including Charlie; who is recognised as gender fluid. 4 people of colour. The lead is a woman, who is bisexual, in a canon relationship with a lesbian, and is a superhero.

They do this without it being made a big deal of, enjoyed by LGBTQ and heterosexual audience alike. But it is a huge deal for many because of that diversity, and just as importantly they haven't overloaded the cast numbers, so they all get good solid storylines through a season. A season that is also shorter than Supergirl.

Legends are an example of how you can put in a diverse minority cast, without it becoming forced or cumbersome. It isn't without fault sure, but no program is.

So where is Supergirl going wrong at the moment?

Let's use William, as the crux of the problems are best shown with his character, but it isn't limited to him. I will put first - this is absolutely *not* a criticism towards Staz Nair, who I respect (& like, as far as one can from limited SM interaction). All too often the accusations are made that if you don't like a character, you hate the actor. That is categorically not true for me, nor others I've seen posting about this. Of course if anyone does hate on the actor, that is not okay.

So, back to William. I get the reason he came along in regards to Russell and so the Andrea connection. That story made sense. What hasn't made sense - William being used as a journalist, when Nia is right there! Nia has barely had any screen time, and virtually none as a journalist; you know - her actual job. I'm not sure what the minutes on screen ratio has been this season between the two, but it has felt completely slanted towards William as a viewer, at least until now.

First instead of Kara and Nia investigating Leviathan after William was 'exposed' in the earlier episodes, now Nia is sidelined again, because they want Kara to team up with William to investigate Lex.

Why? Why do they need that journalistic pairing, when Nia - who as a Superhero, is better placed if danger from Lex occurs. But no, they're making it about Kara having to work with William because Lex threatened to kill him. Plus Nia was being mentored by Kara. Is she no longer being mentored by Kara? Are they a team? Even if the mentoring has ended, Nia is still not being utilised as a journalist.

I am utterly baffled as to why they feel this arc makes any sense. Moreso when an already established character gets sidelined.

I'm also getting tired of seeing anyone who sees these valid opinions about current storyline as being trolls (or the comments all SuperCorp fans are just outright haters. No - SuperCorp fans are a large diverse group, that have incredible artists, fanfic writers, and social media users. Many also multi-ship. To place a blanket statement about a whole fandom as large as SC, is hateful. All fandoms have some who are problematic, but to single out an entire group is not right).

So back to my thoughts. An episode can have some great aspects to it, but it can also be highly problematic to some fans, & receive valid criticism or valid opinions for it. For example, the latest episode of Batwoman. The Alice/Beth story was great. The acting superb. What I found worrying was the way they made Sophie feel guilty for legitimate reasons why she had led a closeted lifestyle. That lifestyle is valid, for Sophie and many LGBTQ people, and for good reason, including keeping some people safe from harm. I felt it was a clumsy attempt for Alice to get into Sophie's mind; it could've been tackled other ways, so it felt wrong they used her sexuality as a way to achieve that. Being closeted for many literally keeps them alive. So that was one hell of a poor choice in my opinion. Yet others have made perfectly credible counter arguments that it showed the difficulties faced by many LGBTQ people. So, great episode, valid criticism/opinion from both points of view. It also highlights you can have excellent episodes, but they can have legitimate issues.

Nor does differences of opinion, as long as it is respectful, makes those voicing them a bully, no matter how much you disagree.

At the end of this, if you don’t agree, and your opinion makes you say something that is intentionally hurtful (directly or indirectly to a person or group of people), it's a bad thing. The key word being intentionally. We all make mistakes, and responses that could've been better, & we all need to be aware of that, but if it is an intended attack, don't be surprised if others call you out for your behaviour.

So now what in regards Supergirl?

I know ultimately that this show is about Supergirl, but it is also about those around her as family & friends. I understand there are only so many minutes in one episode. What I don't understand is why those precious minutes are going to a character, when they have one perfectly placed to do the same role. Why they have to potentially explore another relationship, when we have one canon relationship, one canon on/off again relationship & one relationship that while isn't canon in terms of romantic, it is a big story in terms of best friends, all seemingly sidelined. Which brings me to the Kara fighting for Lena's soul aspect. Again, I am not seeing a lot of fighting for anything, except more and more fans fighting themselves and cast.

Then you just need to look at the dislikes that teaser was given on YouTube, and compare them to previous ones. I've attached screenshots to show this.

A serious misjudgment was made by someone on how that teaser would be received, and again I will stress, this dislike hasn't just been from one area of fandom, but multiple areas. For many it wasn't just about William, but the culmination of unease that has built for a few episodes. A prime example of the straw that broke the camel's back. If you are solely focused on one area of fandom for this discourse (as many blame SuperCorp fans), you need to step back and recognise you are not allowing yourself to see the whole picture. To focus solely on one thing, rather than acknowledging the wider audience are saying this, does not make you the better fan. To dismiss it as trolls, is being dismissive of good, regular fans with legitimate questions or concerns. It is insulting to many of us.

I will be honest, I had high hopes for this season. I also knew it was likely going to be pretty confusing at times since it was given as 'our Black mirror season' and 'nothing is as it seems.' I accepted that.

However, all it seems at the moment is a jumbled mess from pre and post Crisis. They just doesn't appear to be any cohesion at all, which is making it really difficult as a viewer. Add in the changes post Crisis and it feels even more of a mess.

Of course, they could bring in more cohesive elements soon, but considering that we know episode 13 is 'It's a wonderful life,' and Alex Danvers in a later episode is wearing a Super suit - I just sense this whole 'nothing is as it seems' side we appear to be getting isn't changing any time soon, & with episodes running out, with so many strings running through at the moment, it feels really discombomulated. If by seasons end, they pull it off and you can look back and see how it's played out as a whole, I will be the first to say well done for that part.

I do though think right now Supergirl feels chaotic beyond expectation, and no end in sight. I feel there have been too many character additions this season (particularly Andrea & William) that is taking screen time away from Kara, Alex, Nia, Lena, Kelly et al.

It feels like a mess of unnecessary pairings and the crux of the story seems to have been lost in the midst.

That is causing confusion for fans, that is also beginning to become frustration. That frustration is spilling over. Add in the genuine and extremely legitimate concerns over the LGBTQ issues that have arisen (again from far more than just SuperCorp fans), and the frustration has built even more.

I can only hope the next couple of episodes address some of this and not complicate the mess further.

Whatever happens, Supergirl is not doing well in terms of a storyline that is gripping for fans, that is now top heavy with regulars, taking screen time from established characters, and a social media blunder that has so far only exacerbated the simmering uncertainty being felt by many.

It might improve, and I sincerely hope it does, but they are edging into the potential for the anger felt by fans to become an all out riot if they don't stop and see where valid criticism is being given. If this season continues on in this vein, then there is going to be huge swathes of fans drifting away. The concerns are legitimate. I wish it could be seen as that.

#supergirl #lgbtq #supercorp #gay #dansen #alex danvers #kelly olsen #nia nal #nicole maines #chyler leigh #azie tesfai

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aj-anime-blog · 3 years

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Deca-Dence - Review!

Wooooo Deca-Dence!

Deca-Dence was a summer 2020 anime, and that’s when I originally watched it! I've watched it about a dozen times since, as it landed itself right on my roster of my favorite animes, if not my favorite of all time.

Deca-Dence is an original piece, so no manga source material (whaaat!) and comes from the genius brain of Yuzuru Tachikawa, the director of other fan-favorites like Mob Psycho 100 and Death Parade (a review for Death Parade is in the making!). Original mangas are such a hit-or-miss recently, and I think that this one got the bullseye!

What's our concept?: Set in the future, the world is now plagued by monsters known as Gadolls. In an attempt to keep humans safe from them, mobile fortress Deca-Dence was constructed, where Gears, who live near the top, fight the Gadolls, and Tankers, who live at the bottom, provide support from inside Deca-Dence. Our protag, Natsume, is a Tanker who wants to fight with the Gears, but her prosthetic arm keeps her out of battle. That is until she meets Kaburagi, an older Tanker who seems to know his way around fighting and might have more to him than he lets on.

It's gonna be hard to go through this without spoilers, but I promise that I'll keep it spoiler-free until the section at the bottom!

So overall, what do I think?: 10/10! I've already said it, but Deca-Dence is one of my favorite animes of all time, and it deserves the spot! It has incredible characters, a story that keeps you hooked even through twists and turns, and a pace that manages to cram so much plot into only 12 episodes without feeling overwhelming or rushed! Deca-Dence presents ideas that, at the surface, may seem overused or old, but spins them in such a way that they're completely original. It follows through with character relationships, making them worthwhile and fulfilling.

Let's start with the story this time!: 10/10!! It's going to be really hard to explain the beauty of Deca-Dence's plot without spoiling it, but I'm doing my best! I really do recommend just giving the show a try, though, as it's really worth it! (Don't just drop it after episode 2, like a lot of people did :( That's just judging it wayyy too early!!)

Deca-Dence has a story that's thrilling and new. Everything that happens builds off of itself in a way that's natural and smooth. The elements of the story, no matter how different they may seem, play their part and work together well. The show isn't predictable either - don't go in thinking that you know what's going to become of it. Each twist feels surprising and new without feeling like they're coming out of left field.

I won't say much more in fear of ruining it, but Deca-Dence's story holds up well, and with its strong cast of characters supporting it, it becomes absolutely suburb. I think a lot of people fell into this pit of seeing only the beginning and tossing it aside, but no matter how strange the concepts in it may be, they wind together to form something really unique!

So those characters, huh?: 11/10, I love them so much! I'm a character nerd through and through, and Deca-Dence sends my little character-obsessed heart wild. The protags, Natsume and Kaburagi, are both fascinating, have incredible development, and engage in a character dynamic that is so natural and well-written that I never doubted it.

To be honest, Natsume doesn't have a personality that's anything new. She's young, determined to a fault, naive, and a complete sweetheart. She wants to fight the Gadoll and she'll do anything to achieve that dream. She's not a natural at fighting but her motivation to do so makes her believable and relatable. She's looked down upon because of her prosthetic arm and forced into a job that she doesn't like, but she never gives up on her goals. Even though she's so simple, her interactions and energy make her lovable and a wonderful protagonist.

Kaburagi follows the washed-out warrior trope, as he's an older man assigned to clean-up duty who keeps to himself and never shows too much emotion. While this type of character can sometimes get annoying, the show gives Kaburagi enough time to show his real feelings and explain how he got to his position. This proper development keeps him down-to-Earth and shows him as even more flawed than Natsume. Kaburagi's motivation, which I can't explain for spoiler reasons, is entirely believable and explains perfectly why he decides to put up with Natsume, even though she's his polar opposite.

The relationship between the two characters is balanced and beautiful. It's given the proper time to grow, mature, and ends up being extremely worthwhile. Natsume relies on Kaburagi, as he sees the potential in her and continues to support her in ways no one else ever has, and Kaburagi understands that Natsume is everything that he's trying to rebel against. Their relationship is emotional, runs deep, and leaves you wishing that there was more of them to watch, even after the show has ended.

The villain! The villain. I cannot talk all that much about the villain at the risk of spoiling. He is evil. I really really hated him, and that is a very good thing because it means that he's well-written. His motivation makes sense, his actions make you want to strangle him, his design was really really good! He's not the most interesting thing in the show, as his character is really only there to move the story along, but not every villain needs to be incredibly deep for a show to be good.

Lastly, our supporting characters! While none of them are as wonderful as Natsume or Kaburagi, they're still interesting and hold their own. They play important parts in the show and all of their interactions with the main two feel natural. Their conflicts make sense, their resolutions feel well-earned, and their personalities are all unique! For a 12-episode anime, there's a larger cast of supporting characters than you would think, and nearly all of them are memorable and loveable.

Time to shut up about characters, what about the art?: 9/10, ooooh yes the art! Deca-Dence is gorgeous! It's animated by studio Nut (bwahahhaha), who haven't done that much else in the anime world. Still, for a relatively new studio, it's absolutely amazing! The characters all have unique looks that make them stand out and the fight scenes are to die for. They lose a point on the CG, since it's a little bit less than amazing, but again, for a new studio, it's definitely not the worst I've seen!! (Admittedly, I also don't like CG much at all, so I'm always harsh towards it when it's used).

Deca-Dence switches between two styles that vastly contradict each other, one which is a colorful, happy-go-lucky style, and one that's the more typical anime style. I'll speak more about them in the spoilers section, but they do a wonderful job at maintaining the tone of the show, as to not let it get too dark, and forming a clear divide between the events of the two parts.

Oh goshhh the Gadolls look so cool. I'm so obsessed with cool monsters in anime and woah they look awesome!! They're original, with cool designs that I haven't seen elsewhere. The show could've so easily slapped in some pretty typical-looking dragons or wolves or whatever, but they instead spent time on these epic creatures, and it's so worth it! It makes the setting that much more unique and allows it to stand out from other animes.

Surely there's a flaw in this anime? The pacing, maybe?: 9/10. Yeah, I would argue that the pacing is Deca-Dence's weakest point. Not that the pacing is particularly bad compared to other shows! I still think that, for a 12-episode anime, it does a wonderful job of fitting in a large amount of plot into only about 5 hours! But, at some points, parts felt rushed or confusing, as the show would zoom into them. I never felt like I was truly lost, though. Even if I did wish that there was a break from the action, I never found myself really thinking that the show was leaving me behind in the dust. It's not the kind of show that you can turn on and leave running while you multitask, though. Blink for too long and you might miss something important, which can ruin some of the hard-hitting twists that the anime works so hard to build up.

OK! Time for spoilers! I beg you, go watch the anime before you read past this, because it's totally worth it!!

Woahh episode 2 am I right?? I thought that I clicked into the wrong anime when I began it, it took such a wild turn, and so soon in the anime too. This is what I really mean when I talk about a show not being what it appears to be! Again, I really encourage you to watch it for yourself, but if you're that stubborn on reading this through before you turn it on:

Deca-Dence is not about the heart-wrenching battles between Gears and their desperate attempts to keep humanity alive, because Gears are just avatars for cyborgs! You see, there's a civilization of cyborg people who are living above the Earth, who log in to fight in mobile fortress Deca-Dence as a game. So the Gadolls are genetically grown as prey for the Gears and the entire story surrounding Deca-Dence's battles are scripted. Crazy right!? The best part: the Tankers aren't in on this at all. You heard me: Natsume and her human friends have no idea that Deca-Dence is staged.

From here, Deca-Dence has two distinct parts: we'll call them "Natsume's half" and "Kaburagi's half". Natsume's half refers to the mobile fortress, the Tankers who live unaware of the cyborgs, and the art style that premiered in the first episode. Kaburagi's half is the Solid Quake organization, the Gears who are avatars of the cyborgs, and the goofy, stylized art style with big lines and bright colors.

The twist and the diverging sides of the story set this show up as not your typical sci-fi anime, but as something a little deeper. The stakes are the same, as humanity is in just as much peril as it was before - it becomes abundantly clear that the Gears and cyborgs don't care about them - but the name of the game completely changes as you realize that our so-called "heroes" aren't really all that heroic, and there's a lot more going on.

Kaburagi is, of course, one of these cyborgs, cursed to live among the Tankers because of a mistake he made while playing as a Gear. Now, he's in charge of eliminating "bugs", or mistakes that the system finds. He's upset with his life, frustrated at what he's doing, and contemplating suicide. But when Natsume walks into his life, a little girl that the system considers legally dead, Kaburagi sees a chance to rebel, even the slightest, against the system. He's supposed to kill Natsume, but instead, he takes her under his wing, determined to protect what he's been instructed to eliminate. This development gives their relationship a deeper meaning, even if Natsume doesn't know it.

Deca-Dence does a wonderful job at showing the watchers both sides of the story but keeping Natsume's side in the dark. Even though we see scenes from Kaburagi's side, Natsume knows nothing about them. When Kaburagi leaves after Hugin kills his avatar, Nastume doesn't know where he's gone and has no reason to believe that he hasn't run away. There's no way she could guess that Kaburagi's new form - his weird orange Gear avatar - is the mentor that she once knew. And when Kaburagi, back in his original form, is killed in front of her, she really believes that he is dead. When Natsume finds out about the truth of the Gadolls - that the world she knows is fake - her horror is palpable and realistic, because there's no way she could've known any better.

Kaburagi's world has a goofy style to it, with the cyborgs looking cartoonish rather than realistic. While it might initially seem off-putting, I think that it ends up balancing the tone of the story much better. Consider the hellscape that is the reform facility that Kaburagi visits. Imagine how dark it would've been if it was not in a silly style! By keeping the style cuter rather than realistic, the show doesn't dip too far into dark and gritty, and I really liked it!

It also set up this harsh divide between Kabruagi's half, where things are easygoing, done for pleasure and fun, and not nearly as harsh as Natsume's world (Look at the name of the series! Decadence literally means living in excessive luxury!). Even when the cyborgs are in their Gear forms, which are drawn in Natsume's style, they're still a lot more colorful and vivid, showing that their lives aren't as harsh as that of the Tankers. The art styles reflect the differences between the two halves and give them both distinct tones and personalities!

& finally, let's take an in-depth look at one scene!: I had a really hard time picking what I thought summed up the series in a single scene. In the end, I think that Natsume and Kaburagi's discussion at the end of episode 7 was the best. Here, we see a culmination of a lot of the character development going on. Kaburagi, in this scene, is in a Gears avatar that Natsume doesn't recognize, meeting her for the first time since his normal avatar was killed. Natsume's been working with the Tankers to protect them from Gadolls that infiltrated the fortress, and she's motivated them all to rise up and fix the hole in the fortress themselves.

Kaburagi has encouraged Natsume to be a stronger person, even though she had to be independent and not rely on him any longer. His pessimistic view on the world - that they'll never defeat the Gadolls - has rubbed off on her, but it's only made her more determined to be stronger to stand up to them. In this scene, we see her breaking down as she considers that Kaburagi might be right, and that she'll never kill them all, but that she needs to continue fighting.

Though Kaburagi previously doubted Natsume and her endless determination, he now feels filled with the same motivation. Natsume has convinced him, time and time again, that he can't give up, and so he decides that he's willing to do anything to make sure that she never loses that hope. He wants her dreams to come true, and he knows that she can't accomplish them alone.

This perfectly shows the effects that they have on one another. Natsume is now stronger than she's ever been: independent, able to take down Gadolls on her own, and determined enough to patch up the hole that no one else thought could be fixed. Kaburagi, in stark contrast to his suicidal thoughts from episode two, is now completely devoted to make the world a safe place for Natsume. Their relationship has shaped one another into being the best versions of themselves, and this isn't even the end! They still complete their growth in the last few episodes, but I've rambled about them enough.

We're done!: That's my review of Deca-Dence! I really believe that it's one of the masterpiece animes in recent years, and I wish it got more attention. I'm sure that there's plenty of anime out there like this one - forgotten diamonds in the rough - that I'd love to dig up and fawn over. Tell me if you know any! Or, if you disagree with my review, tell me where you think I'm wrong!

#time to go rewatch deca-dence #writing about it has made me miss it so much #its sooooo good #please check it out #it's so worth it #studio nut #bwahahah #studio NUT #lmaoooo #please tell them to get a better name #deca-dence #anime #anime review #summer 2020

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watching-pictures-move · 3 years

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Put On Your Raincoats #20 | Squalid Motels and Desperate Gals, courtesy of Kim Christy

This review contains mild spoilers.

When I first heard of Kim Christy, I knew I had to delve into her work. Here is someone who was involved in the drag scene in the '60s and went on to direct and produce pornography from the '80s onward. She's also a trans woman director (and occasional actress), which is not just unusual in golden age pornography but even mainstream cinema today. Unfortunately, figuring out where to start was a challenge. There's a very good interview with her on the Advocate but which doesn't really delve into her directing work. So I did the highly risky and ill-advised move of scanning through the titles in her filmography and trying to pick out ones with interesting sounding premises. Even this was a challenge, as a lot of her movies sounded like they didn't have a terrible amount of story. (A good many of them also had certain slurs in the title, which are unfortunately common in trans pornography.) So out of the crapshoot of movies I picked, I can't say I really got to the bottom of what makes her work interesting or even gelled to most of them, but hopefully I can convey what makes the ones I did take to interesting.

To start with the most slight, the two Divine Atrocities movies are basically a collection of sex scenes. There's a theme of dominant women running through them, but otherwise there isn't much tying together in terms of staging, aesthetics and the like. The segments have titles like "The Leather Lass Tamer", "Rubber Rampage" and "Ms. Degradation", but truth be told, nothing here is terribly shocking. So there isn't a lot to either of these movies, but if you're watching it for those reasons, they're enjoyable enough. A few of the segments feature trans performers, and I did find that Sulka had a nicely imposing screen presence in her scene, and while Sugar Nicole briefly threatens her partner with her "big black cock", I did like that for the most part the movies don't discern between these scenes and the ones with cisgender performers. In the eyes of Kim Christy, there's room for everyone in this great sexual melange. Also notable is the threesome scene with Janey Robbins, who (after likely reading Dan Savage's column) tells one of her partners, "If you don't find a different way to fuck me, you can forget it, I'll have to find somebody else", and in the first time in the history of civilization, gets mad at her male partner for not climaxing quickly enough. "You always say it'll only take a few minutes. Time is the only thing I can't replace, and it always takes too long."

A bit more substantive narratively but less interesting is Momma's Boy, with a premise that you can guess based on the title. Tantala Ray presides over a brothel set during an indeterminate period, where she presides over her girls and also her son, who mysteriously became a deaf-mute at a certain point of time. Why did her son become a deaf-mute? Will we ever find out? Spoiler: it's incest. Tantala Ray does have a weird enough screen presence to make her parts watchable, but this has none of the charge that, say, Taboo brings to the same material. (It's worth noting that Ray in this movie, looking like a debauched queen of Mardi Gras in one scene, is a camp villain while Kay Parker plays her role straight in the other movie.) As it's shot on video, the movie is not very nice to look at, and the dirt cheap production values make it unclear whether this is supposed to be a period piece. Some of the dialogue is amusing ("Oxford?" "Guess again." "Princeton?" "Try Biloxi Tech, my sweetie."), and there is some old timey music and one of the clients wears an ascot at one point, so it's not a totally squalid affair. (It's classy, see? He's wearing an ascot.) As the son, Jerry Butler does a cringe-inducing lisp, but I did chuckle at his last line.

A bit easier to recommend is True Crimes of Passion, where Janey Robbins plays a private detective (cheekily named B.J. Fondel) who invariably bungles her investigations and winds up in sex scenes with the people she's supposed to be investigating. "Out of the fog and into the smog" begins the overwrought voiceover, which truth be told doesn't compare to the likes of Chandler but I guess the effort is nice. The first case involves her investigating the wife of a minister whom her client suspects of infidelity. Surprise, surprise, it turns out the wife has a girlfriend with whom she has dominant sex. Thanks to Robbins' investigative prowess, she gets found out and forced to join the proceedings and ends up getting her client, a Dan Quayle looking motherfucker in a cowboy hat, captured as well, which leads to an incredible burn.

"The lord will punish you for this."

"The lord already has, he gave me you for a husband."

Also, when Robbins is forced into cunnilingus, she says over narration, "Oh Christ, I'm not even sure I've seen one of these things up close", and yeah, okay, Janey.

The second scene is probably the most notable as it features Christy as a performer. Robbins visits her friend to investigate a death threat against her friend's brother (also Robbins' ex), and the twist can be deduced when you start wondering why a seemingly minor character gets an unusually large amount of screentime. The scene features a trope that likely isn't terribly sensitive by modern standards, but I get the sense from that Advocate interview that Christy isn't too hung up about such things and one must concede that the film is a product of its time and genre (and within that context, there's a lot worse out there). The last scene has Robbins spying on her neighbour in hotel to get some industry secrets, which leads to some really awkward dialogue about champagne and then a threesome involving her client and mark. Like the work of Yasojiru Ozu, this scene breaks the 180-rule, but I guess if this is your thing, you might enjoy it. At the very end, the mark just gives up his secrets to the client. The secrets of male bonding sometimes elude me.

Easily the most accomplished and enjoyable film from Christy that I watched was Squalor Motel. It combines the sexual variety of the other films with a sense of camp and grounds it in a distinct, memorable location. There isn't much more "plot" than the other movies, as it's basically about a motel concierge doing her job over the course of a day, but as it follows her bumping into a variety of (usually horny) guests and finding herself in amusing (and unfailingly sexual) situations, there's enough of a narrative through line that it feels like a "real" movie where the other movies strained for similar effect, and the movie uses a soundtrack of icy synths and jazz that sounds like imitation Angelo Badalamenti to give it all an alluring vibe. I'm gonna make a wager that David Lynch would have liked this movie. Look, I have no idea what his viewing habits are or what sends his motor running, and the thought of him jacking it furiously to this or any movie is not something that brings me pleasure. But this shares some of the campy tone and surface qualities of his works, and I also wanted to leave you all with that image.

Why does the motel have its own house band (to whom people try to listen to while they engage in all kinds of sexual congress)? Why is Jamie Gillis made up like a vampire and trying to sell marital aids? Why does the one guest's blow-up doll turn into a real person (and prove, uh, extremely vocal during their scene)? Why is the owner wearing a pig mask and a tutu while he spies on his guests? Why is everyone laughing at the newlywed? Why is the one scientist with a Hitler mustache and his shrill-voiced assistant conducting experiments (read: having a threesome) with Tantala Ray? And how are most of these things taking place in the mysterious Reptile Room in the middle of the motel? With an extremely winning Colleen Brennan in the lead role (sporting a pair of thick glasses, a Lucille Ball updo, and a big, toothy smile), we'll have a pretty good time finding out. Like a lot of hardcore movies, this is pretty episodic in structure, but its distinct atmosphere gives it a nice sense of momentum as it drifts from scene to scene.

With its nice production design (and the fact that it seems to have actual sets, rather than being shot in what I assume are people's homes like in the other movies), Squalor Motel feels a bit more upscale and lavish than the average porno. While I don't have any budgetary information handy, I do know that the production had an assistant director, Ned Morehead. To what extent he contributed to the movie's DNA I can't say for certain, but the directorial effort of his I watched, also produced by Christy, had many of the same qualities. Desperate Women starts off feeling pretty stylish with its spraypaint style opening credits (although it loses a bit of style when it misspells star Taija Rae's name as "Taja Rea"). Taija Rae plays a reporter who ends up wrongfully convicted for a murder and thrown in brutal women's prison presided over by the sadistic Tantala Ray, who seems to get her jollies from spying on her prisoners as they get it on or abusing them with the help of her dimwitted guard. During such incidents, the guard frequently ends up ejaculating on her uniform as a source of comic relief. (One such scene ends with a shot of a photo of Ronald Reagan.) I must however disclose, without revealing too much about the shameful inner workings of my hopelessly degenerate mind, that the denouement of scene involving Ray, her guard and Sharon Mitchell did not leave me unmoved. Mitchell plays a prisoner who befriends Taija Rae, and it's worth noting that despite being one of the best actresses in classic porn, she's saddled here with an atrocious Hispanic accent and at one point sings a bit of "America" from West Side Story.

By porn standards, this is actually quite well produced and has a relatively sturdy narrative. (I must however note that one scene has a blatant ejaculation-related continuity error.) Women in prison movies tend to be pretty squalid affairs in general, at least in terms of production values, so this doesn't feel too far off from the real thing and offers more explicit versions of the same pleasures, while its sense of humour gives it a nice campy quality. Tantala Ray especially delivers in a pleasingly over the top performance as the teeth-gnashing villain (the camera often frames her severe face in wide angle close ups), and say what you will about Sharon Mitchell's accent, I did like seeing her pop up in here. With all the flamboyance and excitement around her, Taija Rae almost becomes a supporting character in her own movie, although I must confess that I found her character's hopeless naivety pretty cute. ("I didn't wear rubbers, it's sunny out".) With a fun cast, a firm handle on the genre's pleasures and a groovy soundtrack, this is a pretty good time.

#film #movie review #put on your raincoats #divine atrocities #divine atrocities 2 #momma's boy #true crimes of passion #squalor motel #desperate women #kim christy #ned morehead

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dravenxivuk · 4 years

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Can you please tell those of us who don't know much about Lily a little about her? I've always been curious from seeing her in your games!

Enthuse at length about my Witcher OC? sure xD

Race: Demon Gender: Female Immediate family: None Sexuality: Bisexual disaster Occupation: Witcheress, explorer

Lily is thought to be around 400 years old, but she doesn’t actually know, and stopped paying attention at least three centuries ago. She shows no physical signs of aging.

Demeanour: Laid back and cheerful most of the time, but mess with those she cares about and she will hurt you. Maybe not now, but one day she will come back to you because she has all the time in the world. Less concerned about slights to herself, probably won’t even notice them. Will tease those she likes, but will tone it down if they’re getting uncomfortable. Does have a soft side but you have to earn her trust before she’ll show it.

Likes: Shiny things (especially if they’re sharp and pointy), learning, travelling & exploring, dancing, reading, red wine, having her head scratched at the base of her horns (very few people know this).

Languages: Can read and speak most languages of the Northern Realms fluently, has reasonable knowledge of other languages from her travels.

Preternaturally Strong: Lily’s strength is on par with a higher vampire.

Regeneration: Lily regenerates incredibly quickly – as fast, if not faster than, a higher vampire.

Always sober: Can’t get drunk due to how fast she heals, but keeps trying anyway!

Soul-free: Doesn’t have a soul.

Long Witcher 3 verse background under the cut (basically her about from the sideblog where I RP her @simplly-lilly ). She has other verses - modern, Nioh 2 based, a couple of ‘old’ verses set 50-ish years after Witcher 3, but this is her main one.

Lily ended up in the Northern Realms because she investigated an interesting shiny disc she found in her own world. She appeared in an intricately drawn circle in a mage’s lab which was very pretty but she was far more interested in the shiny baubles he had hanging around so wandered over for a closer look. Master Bertrand, the mage, got quite upset that she just ambled out of his summoning circle, he wasn’t aiming for a horned woman but as she’d shown up she should at least have the decency to follow the rules.

Bertrand wrote a work, Master Bertrand’s Treatise on Summoning & Containing Demonic Entities, based on his summoning of Lily that made him infamous among goetia magic users, mostly because none were ever able to replicate his work and summon their own demon. Lily maintains this is because he only summoned her by accident because she went to look at the shiny disc.

Nonetheless it is possible to summon her, something that has so far been managed accidentally by one scholar in Oxenfurt and a group of witchers messing about in Kaer Morhen. Being summoned is disconcerting and makes her hungry, as such her standard advice for anyone trying to summon a demon is to dispense with the theatrics and make sure you have snacks on hand for when they get there because they’ll be grumpy. If she trusts someone enough she’ll give them her sigil so they can call her whenever they want.

Master Bertrand periodically subjected Lily to horrific experiments and she is heavily scarred as a result, but most people never notice as she heals so quickly her scars are barely visible. Those who do look closely might notice that a lot of them look medical, almost vivisection-like as the mage wanted to find out if demons were the same on the inside as people, among other things. Lily doesn’t like to talk about it and as those who do notice the scarring tend to put it down to fighting she generally doesn’t have to.

Lily ended up staying with Master Bertrand for about a century. He taught her various languages of the Northern Realms and how to read, which he regretted doing as soon as she found the library and started disappearing for weeks at a time. Lily stayed with the Bertrand as long as she did despite the hideous experiments he conducted on her, because it never occurred to her that she could leave.

There were protective wards around the house, and strong magical barriers controlling where she could go. The Mage experimented with magical implants for a while as a way to track and control her, but her accelerated healing powers just pushed them out almost immediately. When he needed to restrain her for an experiment he would have to use massive amounts of magic that would leave him drained for days. As she’s concerned dimeritium is just another shiny metal, it is no more or less effective at restraining her than anything else, and she’s very fond of silver.

Master Bertrand had an ongoing contract with a Cat witcher who brought him interesting bits of monsters for potions and occasional live specimens if requested. For one set of experiments Bertrand hired Cat to spar with Lily, he wanted to see how her speed and strength compared to a witcher having already established she was stronger than humans. Cat won easily and told Bertrand that if he wanted accurate measurements she would need to be trained otherwise the results would always be skewed, so Bertrand hired Cat to do just that.

Cat not only taught Lily hand-to-hand combat and sword play but how to use a whole range of blades, and how to hide them to pass the most thorough searches. Her witcher training would be obvious to any witcher who sparred or fought her, probably down to which school. She can fight very well, although she’s not quite as fast as most witchers, but she can also get reckless because it’s only pain and she heals. She’s very protective of her friends and while most of them are fast healing witchers, she regenerates faster so will put herself between them and peril if the need arises.

Cat also taught Lily how to make witcher potions and an exciting array of poisons, much to Master Bertrand’s annoyance as Cat (and later Lily) refused to share this knowledge with him. Cat tried to teach her to use witcher signs but abandoned it after she blew up half the lab trying to igni a candle.

Cat and Lily were a couple for almost 70 years. Cat made her promise that when he died she’d return his medallion to his school, however he didn’t set a time limit on doing it so she now wears it as her own. Cat also made her promise to look after his blades and put them to good use, most of the blades secreted around her person used to belong to Cat and they have all seen a lot of use. She’ll talk about Cat if pushed, but won’t bring him up voluntarily.

Cat died after being betrayed by Bertrand. Until Cat died she respected the magical barriers around the house, but the pain and fury over his death tapped into her demon nature more fully than any experiment and the barriers came apart as she forced through them. The ensuing fight with Bertrand was when they both discovered how distorted and warped magic can really get around her when she goes full demon. It was the last thing he ever discovered as shortly afterwards she ripped his heart out.

She also destroyed a lot of the darker corners of his lab, but she left the library and house intact. Much as she hates the place it’s always handy to have somewhere to go back to if absolutely necessary. She has an interesting collection of magical knickknacks courtesy of inheriting Bertrand’s collection, most she keeps because they’re shiny but a couple are actually useful.

She likes witchers and vastly prefers their company to humans, mostly because they’ve travelled a lot and seen a lot of shit so always have an interesting story to tell. They also know what it’s like to mostly pass as human until people get up close. When very bored she has been known to put up a contract on herself. Occasionally it works.

She will break her horns off herself if she’s travel through somewhere sensitive (looking at you Novigrad) but she doesn’t like doing it because they itch when they grow back, particularly when they’re going through the velvet shedding phase. Her horns usually grow a bit quicker than her hair, but if she takes a massive amount of damage they’ll grow back more quickly as her body kicks into healing mode.

Lily is a firm believer in hugs, and gets particular joy from hugging tetchy witchers as she’s sure they’d enjoy hugs too with a little practice. She just ignores it when they’re a bit awkward as it’s often been a while since whichever witcher she’s tackle hugged this time last had any friendly contact.

#oc lily #witcher oc #witcher ocs #information dump!#that's probably a lot more than you wanted to know xD #i get quite enthusiastic about my demonic disaster daughter #gharashambles

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deeahhnuh · 5 years

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2018!!

I've done this year-in-review thing since 2007! 2007-2012 are over on my old LiveJournal, and 2013-on are right here on my Tumblr. :)

2019 is coming. What?!?!?

Happy almost New Year, Tumblr! :)

What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?

Huh... I don't think I actually did anything too different this year! Well, this review is off to a great start, lol!

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

As usual, no real official resolutions - I like having little goals as the year goes along!

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes!! My cousin had a precious baby girl!!

Did anyone close to you die?

My grandmother - Ma - passed away in late November. It's difficult to articulate, mostly because I just can't quite comprehend it yet, how much I will miss her. Ma was the biggest, warmest presence in our family. All of my memories have at least some trace of Ma in them!

One memory that I've recalled a lot lately is of the times we played my Barbie board game, sometime in the late '90s. There were so many wonderful times, but those Barbie game nights with just us girls - Ma, my mom (her daughter), and me - were magical. I would set the game up on the dining room table at BaBa (my grandfather) and Ma's house and we would play and talk and laugh! Ma was in her early 70s then, but her peals of laughter and her face lit up with smiles gave me a glimpse into what she must have been like as a teenager.

That was Ma!! ❤️ She was always up for having fun, for reminiscing about funny memories, for enjoying life. Ma was there for every big event and for all the quiet moments, too. I feel incredibly fortunate to have had Ma for so long into my life. I love her, and I miss her.

What countries did you visit?

None! I really need to get out more, lol!

What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

Of course there are things I'd like to have, do, and learn in the next year - but I'm happy to say I didn't really lack anything in 2018! :)

What date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The end of November and beginning of December were marked by sadness and loss, but also with connection and love - my family really helped (and continue to help) one another through a hard time. I feel closer than ever to my fam. ❤️

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Been a Registration Assistant for two years now, and I love it!! Less real-lifey, and actually very goofy - I hit (and passed) 10,000 scrobbles for the year. I haven't hit that kind of high number for a while, so... Achievement!

What was your biggest failure?

Didn't do anything too stupid this year, haha!

Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, yay!

What was the best thing you bought?

I love fragrances, so my fave purchase this year is, of course, a perfume! Calvin Klein Euphoria Amber Gold just smells soooo gooood. It's rich and sweet, kinda syrupy - really beautiful.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My family. The mama, the dad, the bro - they are so awesome. We're always there for each other - I love them more than words can say!!! ❤️

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one really! I've been pretty even-tempered all year, haha!

Where did most of your money go?

Probably perfume, lol! But music is right up there, too. Maybe movies as well! Basically, entertainment!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Kylie's new album, Golden!! Actually, a few other music faves had new releases too, and I was hyped about them all - Richard Ashcroft (Natural Rebel), Florence + The Machine (High As Hope), Lykke Li (so sad so sexy), Emika (Falling in Love With Sadness), Sarah Brightman (Hymn), and Arctic Monkeys (Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino). Great music, all year long!

What song will always remind you of 2018?

List time!

"Dancing" by Kylie Minogue. Of course! My queen returned with a lovely album this year (see above!), but this seemingly simple first single had to grow on me. I say "seemingly simple" because at first listen, it is! Guitar, stripped-down beat - where's the glitter? It's in Kylie's voice, in how she declares with gusto: "When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" A quietly bombastic grower.

"Breathe" by Jax Jones. Catchy and bouncy!

"One Kiss" by Calvin Harris feat. Dua Lipa. Breezy fun!

"In My Mind" by Dynoro & Gigi D'Agostino. Hypnotic!

Compared to this time last year (2017), are you:

Doing really well, kinda like last year! :)

What do you wish you'd done more of?

Quoting last year's year in review: "wish I'd listened to more new albums, and not just compilations." But I loves my dance music comps so much! :O I really think I'll try to listen to more new music in the new year.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Not to be too serious business, but doubting myself. I worry I'm not doing enough, or not doing it right, or could have done it better. I guess a little self doubt keeps you on your toes - keeps you challenging yourself - but I'm happy that as I've gotten older and a tad wiser, and gained more confidence in myself, these worries have lessened. So this year, I did doubt myself, but not as much as last year, or the year before. Here's to an even more confident 2019! ;)

How did you spend Christmas?

Fam, ham, and fun! :)

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2018?

I managed to not embarrass myself all year, haha!

How many one-night stands?

None, lol

What was your favorite TV program?

Forever a fan of goofy cartoons!

Real Housewives! All of 'em are wonderful trash TV. :) (Gif source!)

And for no good reason I watched every season of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! on Hulu. Cracks me right up!!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

Put-together and polished, I like to think!

What kept you sane?

Lots of music, movies, and TV. Always up for some entertainment!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nah!

What was the best book you read in 2018?

Ooh, just got a New Year's Resolution for 2019 - read a book, lol.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

I rediscovered some old faves! "Love Today" by Mika has forever been pure joy, "You Can Dance" by Bryan Ferry can't be any smoother, "Spirits" by Jamie Woon stays majestic, "212" by Azealia Banks still slaps, "Reagan's Skeleton" by Yeasayer continues to be massive, and "Watch Out For This (Bumaye)" by Major Lazer is always a banger.

What did you want and get?

Lots of good things - I'm very fortunate!!

What did you want and not get?

Nothing! Like I said, fortunate. ❤️

What was your favorite film of this year?

I didn't see many movies released this year, but I did really like Ant-Man and the Wasp!

And A Quiet Place!

I also saw Midnight in Paris (2011) after years of meaning to - it's such a lovely film!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

32! Little fun things - used CD shopping (a fave thing to do), movies, good meal...!

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Can't ask for more!!

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I've never watched American Horror Story because it seems pretty spoopy and I'm a wimp, but I was going around the channels and that guy who plays the Antichrist lol - Cody Fern - caught my eye. He fine!

What political issue stirred you the most?

There's something new stirring every day, ugh!

Who did you miss?

Ma. ❤️

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018?

Family matters - not the TV show, although that's good too! I already knew this, but I really really felt it so much this year. ❤️

What quote can be used to sum up your year?

"When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" No matter what's going on, I want to try and have a good time and enjoy things! Here's to a 2019 full of goin' out and dancing! :)

#deeahhnuh #year #2018

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kairi-lansley · 6 years

Text

I want to tell you all a true story. None of this is fabricated or exaggerated. I'm not going to give every single detail because this will already be a long post. I want to tell you a true story about the love of my life:

When you're a hitch-hiker, life is completely different from how normal people live it. You learn to live and survive completely off of the kindness of strangers and have to roll with whatever the universe decides to throw at you that day. Everything can change, you're life could be in danger if you make a bad decision.

By the time I'd reached Taos, NM my money was completely spent. I was out of real food and the only thing I had to eat for three days were some homemade pot cookies that I had been rationing because I needed SOMETHING to eat. I had been sitting out on the sidewalk next to a Walmart flying a sign so I could get enough change to buy myself something substantial to eat.

While I was sitting there with a cardboard sign that said "Spare some change to fuel my rocket ship" (it was my favorite sign and people typically threw me whatever they could because they found it amusing) a guy about my age walked over to me. He introduced himself as "Tex." His hair was blond and shaved down into a military style cut, his eyes were the same green-blue as mine, and he was about 5'11. He asked if I was a traveler. I told him I was and he explained to me that he was as well and that he was on his way to The National Rainbow Gathering. That was my destination as well. He asked how long I'd been in Taos to which I replied I'd only just arrived that day.

By this time I'd made enough change to walk over to McDonald's and grab myself a couple cheeseburgers so he offered to walk with me. We talked about our travels, he was here from Austin, TX, this was his first time hitch-hiking too, his dad had passed away from cancer and when that happened he decided to hit the road and find himself. We ate lunch together. I told him my story. How I had been horribly depressed and living alone in my own apartment when a couple of my friends had showed up from Iowa to ask if I wanted to travel. Little did they know I was about to overdose and had everything set up to do so. Part way through our journey we decided to split up and race to the Gathering.

"So you're alone then?" he asked, wolfing down his large fries.

"Yeah," I replied. "Aren't we all though?"

There was something in that moment when he looked at me. A kind of quiet stillness. He saw through the facade of a joke I'd made. He saw I wasn't just talking about traveling and he saw that I was terribly, agonizingly alone I was. Either that or I'm just projecting because it was exactly what I saw in him too. We made an agreement that moment, not with words, there were none, just silence. We would travel the rest of the way to the gathering together.

After our lunch he asked if I'd like to walk around town with him. Taos is a beautiful little town. To the east there were mountains and to the west nothing but desert and mesa. We'd spent the whole day just walking around, looking at all the little touristy shops. Joking, laughing, at one point we flew a sign together to get some dinner and ate it picnic style in the middle of Taos Plaza where there was a free jazz show being played. While we were sitting there a man came over to us. He introduced himself to us and asked if we had been flying a sign outside of Walmart. I told him we had and then he asked where we were staying.

"We haven't actually figured that out yet. Probably in a park." Tex told the man.

The guys smiled, "Not tonight you're not. I'm staying over at the Sun God Inn for the next two weeks while I'm here on business and I have a spare bed. If you two need a place to rest your head later you can come down."

Tex and I thanked this stranger profusely and he told us what room he was in. He sat with us a bit longer before deciding he'd had enough of the free concert and wanted to go back to his room.

"You two enjoy your evening and just come knocking when you need."

After the man left, Tex and I stayed listening to the music. The sun had started to set and I remember thinking that New Mexico sunsets were far more beautiful than any other place I'd been. Tex stood up and shyly smiled then asked, "So I know you're not really a girl.... and that's okay with me.... and I'm Bisexual.... and I ain't that good at this sort of thing.... but would you maybe like to dance with me?"

My heart stopped. I was a little wounded about the "not really a girl" but it didn't matter because he meant well. I recall looking up at him and saying "I only know how to dance like a stripper." He laughed. With a gloved hand he took mine, pulled me to me feet, then insisted that I dance with him. I protested a bit giving him a million reasons why I can't dance before he said "Who cares? None of these people are going to see us again." He was right.

We spent maybe half an hour slow dancing in the plaza, under the burnt orange sky of the setting sun. I remember thinking this was the most incredible thing that's ever happened. He was so cute, definitely dirty but then again so was I since it'd been at least a week since my last shower. It didn't matter. I was happy, and his eyes were the most beautiful eye's I'd ever seen. The whole day had been amazing.

After the music stopped he asked if I was tired yet. I told him I wasn't so he asked if I wanted to go sit in the park. I remembered that I'd had a few more o those pot cookies left over so I suggested we could go down to Kit Carson Memorial Park and eat them. That's what we ended up doing. It was there on a picnic table under the stars where we were talking and stoned out of our minds when he grabbed my hand then very slowly leaned in and gave me our first kiss. To this day, no other kiss could ever compare.

After making out in the park for a bit we decided to go and sleep at the Inn the man had told us he was at. When we got there we knocked on the door. He was pretty drunk and welcomed us warmly. We stayed up for a while talking to him, telling the man about our travels, where we were going, talking about our lives, until he eventually decided to go to sleep. He gave us the remote and told us we could shower. So I showered first (it'd been so long I forgot how good they felt) and then Tex took one after me. I was laying under the covers flipping through channels while our host was sleeping in the other bed.

When Tex got out of the shower wearing just his boxer-briefs I stared at him in silent adoration. Shit, I was really developing some incredibly strong feelings for this guy. There wasn't a single thing about him I could find off putting or unattractive. That night he fell asleep holding me with his face in my hair.

When we woke up the next morning, our host had gone out and left us some coffee and donuts before he went wherever he had to go. There was also a note that said "Feel free to stay however long you need. There are some mushrooms in the nightstand. Be back later. Enjoy! ;)"

A lot of that day in the room was a blur but there were a few notable moments that I still recall. For instance while we were tripping I was laying on the bed holding hands with him and it felt like our life forces were melding, merging, our souls were one, we were one, and he told me this was how it was always supposed to be. Us against the world. I remember giggling when the Native American Shaman in the ceiling agreed with us. I remember giggling when we shut off the lights then removed the lamp shades from the lamps then placed them on our heads, playing some weird version of peek-a-boo. Finally, as we were coming down we held eachother and he said "Did you know I've loved you my entire life?" and I replied "Yes, because I've loved you my entire life."

Our host returned later that night, he was drunk again and we'd spent the day cuddling and talking in bed. Our host said something before he passed out that unnerved me a little but I brushed it off as just flattery, he said "You're a lucky man Tex. You're girlfriend is one hell of a catch." He then went on to tell us we were welcome to stay however long he needed.

The next day we woke up and decided to wander town. There's so many details I'm leaving out, but that's okay, I can't forget any of it. We were in love with eachother's souls that's all that matters right? At one point that day after we had spanged up enough money to eat lunch we were walking through town when we came across a bicycle at the park sitting unchained.

"You wanna borrow that?" Tex asked.

"Borrow? What do you mean? You mean steal it?" I asked nervously.

"No not steal! We're just going to borrow it then we'll bring it back."

Before I could say no he hopped on the bike and had me sit on the handle bars. It was terrifying yet exhilarating at the same time. We rode around town on the bike for a couple hours before my anxiety took over and I told him we needed to return the bike. So we did, and I was high on being a bad criminal that returns their stolen goods. No harm no foul. Again we slept at the motel, but that night our host busted out a guitar and played us classic rock songs while we sang along.

The next day Tex woke me up and said, "Hey I'm going to go down to Walmart and fly a sign. I'll be back in a few hours if that's okay." Our host had given us a key card to the room. I said that was alright and that I was just going to just hang out in the room because it was so hot outside. He kissed me, told me he loved me, and left.

About an hour later our host returned unexpectedly. He was drunk. More drunk than I'd seen him previously. I don't wanna go to into detail about what happened next but he said again "That boyfriend of yours is one lucky man" and then started to force himself on me. I was terrified, this man was bigger than me, stronger than me, and I was in such a state of shock that all I could do to fight back was to scream at him. Tex came back while this was all happening. I've never seen anyone get the shit beat out of them like that in my life, but Tex ripped the man off of me and kicked his ass. I was still shaken and he instructed me to grab my backpack. Our host was sitting bloodied and beaten against a wall and I watched as Tex grabbed his wallet, pulled out a hundred dollar bill, then threw the wallet at the man.

We left the room. I was still shaking and Tex did everything he could to calm me down, making sure I was alright, asking me if I needed anything, and kept repeating "I love you, I'm sorry, I love you." We made our way down the main strip and used the hundred dollar bill to get us a room in a different hotel for the night. We agreed that our time in Taos was over and that tomorrow we would head out of town for The Rainbow Gathering. We spent the night together, him consoling me after I had bandaged up his knuckles. We made love that night. He asked me if I'd marry him. I said yes. He said we'd do it tomorrow.

The next morning we caught a ride out of Taos and had our ride drop us off at the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge on U.S. Highway 68. We stood over the gorge hand in hand. There were other tourists on the bridge but we payed no notice to them. He turned to me after we stood in silence together and we had a mock ceremony. We made up vows on the spot, and we each other's hands with a knife then allowed our blood to mix and fall to the gorge below stating that blood is bond. We were happy.

After our little private ceremony we caught a ride west with a couple of guys who had been going by the bridge. They drove us all the way out to this crossroads outside of Tres Piedras. It had started to rain so we took shelter in a rusted car that was filled with trash sitting next to an abandoned gas station. It wasn't the ideal honeymoon spot but we were happy regardless. We spent the day in the car, we ate some dry ramen blocks, and finished the rest of my pot cookies. We were entirely happy.

The next day we woke up in the car and there was a Winnebago parked across the street with a woman sitting at a table outside of it. I decided to see what was going on so I got out of the car with no shoes on and started to walk over. I mis-stepped and stubbed my big toe, ripping all but a couple layers of flesh off of it. It was absolutely excruciating. I hobbled my way over to the woman who looked to be in her mid-forties. She was incredibly rude and very stuck up. I asked if she had any bands aids and she said no, so I asked if she had any paper towel, and she told me I'd have to pay fifty cents per piece. I was angry but since I didn't have an option I did so. I hobbled back over to the car and Tex woke up when I got in. I asked him if he had any tape or rubberband and he didn't so he rummaged through the random trash in the backseat and thankfully found a green rubberband wrapped around an old newspaper. He took the paper towel and folded it around my toe then wrapped it in place with the rubberband. It wasn't much but that's all we could do.

We spent the rest of the day sitting in the car. We figured out pretty quick that we were in a pretty bad position. The entire time we'd been there not a single car had passed. I remember saying, "If we die out here I'm glad we'll be doing it together." He smiled and kissed me on the lips, "I'm sure we won't die but I agree." The whole day passed by and we spent it talking, making out, talking some more. Just when we were about to give up hope of getting picked up and were preparing to figure out where the nearest town was, a pick up truck pulled into the abandoned gas station. Tex jumped out of the car and went running over to the passenger window. He talked to whoever it was then half skipped half run with the goofiest smile on his face. "Grab your stuff, babe, they're going to the gathering too!" I was so excited that I left my camera in the car and didn't realize it until we were already on the way.

The two men who gave us a ride were going to stay the night with an old friend of theirs and told us we were welcome to stay too. Tex and I were so happy to sleep in a real bed after having been in that car for so long. As soon as we got in bed together and cuddled up we fell right to sleep. I remember the next morning waking up to him laying next to me with a smile. He'd said he'd been awake for a bit and was just watching me sleep. It was the sweetest thing I'd heard. I nuzzled him and told him I loved him. We layed in bed snuggled up, enjoying the silent bond we both shared. After a while a knock came at the door and the younger of the two men said it was time to leave. So we got up, grabbed our bags and made our way out to the truck. Our hands were practically glued together the whole way except when we were passing joints with the other guys.

Once we got to our destination we were both incredibly stoned out of our minds. What happened next, is difficult to describe unless you've been to one of these gatherings. There are THOUSANDS of people and it's easy to get lost. We hadn't set up camp yet and I really had to pee so I went to find the communal piss ditch. We made our way to the trading circle which wasn't so much a circle as it was a road. He had stopped to look at something that someone was trying to trade. I asked him if he minded if I tried to find the ditch.

He smiled his beautiful smile and said, "Not at all, babe, I'll come find you when I'm done here."

"Okay." I said dancing from one foot to the next. Before I could turn around he pulled me close to him and gave me a kiss. I can still feel it as if it just happened.

"I love you more than you could know. And when I'm done we'll go set up camp and have a real honeymoon."

I told him I loved him too, that I'd see him in a few minutes. I eventually found the ditch and did my business. I stood at the end of the path that led to it waiting for him. He never showed. So after a while I went looking for him. I never saw him again.

Several years later I started asking around about him. Last night I found out Tex had passed away a couple years ago. He had been train hopping with another traveler. He tried to get off of a train and misjudged the speed as well as the jump. This traveler told me he was married, that he had fallen in-love and they got married a few days after meeting in Taos. That she was his soulmate. They got separated at the rainbow gathering and no matter how much or how hard he looked he could never find her again. He held out hope until the very end that we would be brought back together.

My heart aches. My soul weeps. RIP Tex. RIP My Soulmate.

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owlswithfins · 7 years

Note

Fic idea/request: Ginsy + “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” I've recently fallen in love with Ginsy (and your writing), so when I saw you were taking fic requests, I couldn't resist requesting a short story about the two of them!

Oh, that’s so nice to hear! Hope ya like it!

Prompt #5: “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” (Read it on AO3)

Pansy Parkinson had a problem with Ginny Weasley. Not the kind in which she wanted to sell her out to the Dark Lord (contrary to popular belief, Pansy did not relish in such activities–the incident with Potter last year was a necessary evil). It wasn’t even the kind of problem that made her want to curse the Weaselette. No, this was the kind of problem in which Pansy wanted to kiss her, and hold her, and do naughty things to her in the Room of Requirement. In other words:

“Kill me, Draco,” Pansy said histrionically, swooning across the blond so her head rested in his lap. “I can’t take any more.”

Draco rolled his eyes. “Pans, you’re acting like a Hufflepuff.” The potency of the jab was diminished by him running his hand through her hair. She hummed softly at the gesture, peeking through lidded eyes to see if anyone was looking. Thankfully, everyone seemed focused on the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw match, so her eyes fell shut once more. While it was common practice for Slytherins to be affectionate with one another in private, it was quite another matter to do so in public. Even with their so-called “reformed” status since the war, some rules stayed in place.

“Is she scoring a goal?” Pansy asked, peeking through her eyelids again. A quick glance at the pitch gave her an affirmative. Pansy squealed and buried her head.

“How in Merlin’s name are you rationalizing this behavior?” Draco asked. Pansy knew from his tone that he was making his I-can’t-do-this-right-now face. It made him look like Lucius when he supervised their play dates as children. She didn’t mention this to Draco, however, because comparing him to his father was like asking to be jinxed.

“She looks like a phoenix,” Pansy said. “All that red hair and confidence, and that Slytherin smile she flashes after she throws the Quidditch ball–”

“Quaffle,” Draco interjected lazily.

“–through the hoops. And Draco, dear, must I remind you of your seven-year obsession with the Golden Boy?”

The Malfoy heir smirked. “Eight-year obsession. This last year it just happens to be requited.”

Pansy couldn’t deny that. The Slytherins had mocked Draco for years about his crush on Potter, but none of them ever thought anything would come of it. After Potter broke things off with Weasley, however, it just sort of…happened. As if it was fate or destiny or some other crap. Draco Ice-Prince-of-Slytherin Malfoy, and Harry Stupid-Scar-Tattoo Potter became Draco and Harry. And that was when Pansy’s problem began. Once Potter started hanging around with the Slytherins, Draco began dragging a seething Pansy to spend time with the bloody lions. To spend time with her.

At first, it was torture–as was to be expected when one was forced against their will to socialize with their inferiors. But then Pansy and Ginny started talking, and it was actually…really nice. Better than nice. Better than seven-inch-heels-and-a-latte nice.

…and then it was torture again because Pansy had gone and done the most cliche thing in the universe: she’d fallen for her straight friend. At least Draco had fallen for his enemy. That story had intensity and spunk written all over it. Meanwhile, Pansy had to go and become a tragic pining lesbian. It was unbecoming.

“Why don’t you just tell her and get it over with?” Blaise asked from beside them.

Pansy frowned up at Draco. “Has he been here the entire time?”

Draco shrugged. “I’ve only got eyes for Potter’s arse on that broom.” True to his words, his grey eyes tracked the Gryffindor Seeker more closely than they ever did the Snitch.

“Shameless, that one,” Blaise said, shaking his head.

Pansy groaned. “I can’t ask her out. If she liked me back, she’d do the Gryffindor thing and tell me herself. Since I haven’t received any confessions of love from the drop-dead gorgeous Quidditch witch yet, I’d say that’s out of the question.”

Blaise raised a brow. “You’ve never had trouble asking out people in the past.”

Pansy’s eyes rolled out of her face. “Yeah, well they’ve all been guys, and it’s hard to build up nerves when you don’t give a rat’s arse if they say no.”

A wicked smile crossed Blaise’s face. “That could be it, but I think something else is going on here.” He leaned in closer, and Pansy didn’t think she was going to like what he said next. “Pansy’s in love.”

Pansy’s jaw dropped. “Am not,” she said stubbornly, well aware of how childish she sounded.

“Are too,” Draco piped in.

Pansy huffed. “Just because I’m nervous about asking out Ginny Weasley does not mean I’m in love with her!” she shrieked. The students around her were staring, but she didn’t have time to tell them off. Her eyes snapped up almost unconsciously until she was looking directly into wide brown ones. Pansy’s blood went cold as she realized the Gryffindor Chaser was far nearer than she’d thought, and ohdearmerlinsheheard.

Blaise was snickering like this was the funniest thing to happen since the time they got Draco drunk enough to admit his feelings for Potter. Draco, on the other hand–her real friend–was petting her hair somberly. At least someone understood how dire this was.

“Fuck me,” Pansy breathed, still unable to comprehend what had just happened. Slytherins were supposed to keep their secrets buried. They were supposed to play it cool and only share their vulnerabilities with other snakes, if at all. They were not supposed to shout about their unrequited lo–crush–for the whole Quidditch pitch to hear–especially if that crush was a girl, and a Gryffindor at that. A Weasley, even.

Involuntarily, her eyes flicked up again to find Ginny gazing at her with an unreadable expression. Gryffindors weren’t supposed to be hard to read. They were supposed to be blustery and obnoxious and wear their hearts on their sleeves. Why oh why was tradition failing Pansy now, of all times?

Daphne appeared then, and Blaise stopped his snickering. They all knew the drill. Pansy and Draco’s sexualities were to be kept secret from anyone outside their trio (and Potter, for obvious reasons). Originally, Pansy and Draco had agreed it would just be between the two of them–they even served as each other’s beards for a few years–but Blaise had wiggled his way in. He’d agreed to keep their secret from the others, however, so instead of getting Obliviated, he joined their crew.

Daphne was not in the know. It wasn’t that they thought she’d be a bitch about it, but it was kind of a touchy subject since Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy had arranged for Draco to marry Daphne’s sister Astoria. Finding out he was gay wouldn’t exactly be reassuring.

“How’s the match going?” she asked.

Blaise shrugged. “Gryffindor’s beating them to a pulp, so I guess we’ll be playing them for the cup.”

Daphne wrinkled her nose like that meant something to her. Maybe it did. Pansy couldn’t understand everyone’s obsession with Quidditch. Well, she understood Draco’s–his obsession was relatable. Pansy tried to avoid Ginny as she watched the match–she was likely to give everything away if she made eye contact for even a second–but that mostly meant watching the Seekers (which was boring) so Pansy soon fell into a conversation with Daph about the latest gossip. Her own horror story would have to wait for later.

As they left the match, Blaise pointedly dragged Daphne ahead of them. Pansy wasn’t sure if it was to help her or because he was trying to get into Daphne’s pants, but she was grateful either way.

“Parkinson!” the voice she’d been dreading called out.

Draco locked eyes with Pansy to see if he should stay or not. When she shook her head minutely, he squeezed her hand once and trailed after the other Slytherins.

Inhale…

Exhale…

Inhale–

Pansy turned on her heel so she was facing the Gryffindor Chaser. Ginny was out of breath like she’d run right off the pitch to catch up with her. Pansy wanted to squeeze her eyes shut because the other girl was too much for her cold gay heart, but that would be incredibly immature, so she refrained. Ginny’s hair was in its Quidditch ponytail high on her head, and her skin glistened with sweat. Pansy’s breath caught in her chest. The flush on those freckled cheeks and the slight parting of those chapped lips seemed downright pornographic. How was it even legal to look that good after riding a stick through the air for an hour?

“Hi,” Ginny breathed.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Pansy said instead of offering a greeting.

Ginny quirked her head to the side. “I kinda figured.”

Pansy didn’t know what to say, but she was pretty sure her heart had jumped out of her chest and was doing a jig, so maybe that was response enough.

Ginny wore a bemused expression on her face like she was puzzling through something. It created a little furrow between her brows that Pansy thought she’d rather like to kiss. “I hated you for trying to turn in Harry, you know,” she said finally.

Pansy nodded, feeling the rejection in the air. “I hated me too.”

Ginny bit her lip. “And you treated everyone like garbage for years.”

“I did.”

“All that pureblood nonsense.”

“Yes.”

“And the bullying.”

“I’m a terrible person, Weasley, I get it,” Pansy grumbled, flicking her hair out of her face.

Ginny smiled–one of those bright and confident smiles that made Pansy feel like she was higher than a broom could take her (if she wasn’t deathly afraid of flying). The Gryffindor shook her head. “I don’t think you are. I think you were stuck on the wrong side of a terrible war and you did what you were taught–what you needed to do to survive.”

Pansy swallowed. “Weasley, the human brain can rationalize anything when it wants to. Don’t make excuses for me.”

Ginny shot her a crooked grin. “I’m not rationalizing for you. I’m rationalizing for me. I’ve got to come up with something to say to my friends when they ask me why I snogged you after the match.”

Pansy’s brows furrowed. She was prepared for rejection, but she wasn’t ready for whatever this was. “You didn’t snog me.”

Ginny raised her brows. “Well, now that I’ve done all this rationalizing, I suppose I’ve got to. You know, to make the effort worthwhile.”

Pansy’s eyes widened as she realized this wasn’t rejection at all. It was something a million times better. She glanced around to see if they were alone (they weren’t) but Ginny had already pressed her lips against Pansy’s, and suddenly Pansy had better things to think about than who could see them. In fact, she rather liked the idea of not thinking at all.

Ginny’s lips were soft but insistent, and her tongue set Pansy on fire. As Pansy’s hands wrapped around the taller girl’s neck, she tasted salt and strawberry chapstick. Ginny’s hands found Pansy’s hips and pulled her tight against her. Pansy thought she might just die, but she didn’t know what they’d do with her afterward since even heaven couldn’t beat this.

They finally broke away, breathless and close enough to each other that Pansy could see tiny freckles hidden between the more prominent ones.

“So…” Ginny said mischievously. “What does it take to get Pansy Parkinson to fall in love with me? Because I don’t do the whole unrequited thing.”

Pansy considered with a smirk. “A few more kisses like that would probably do it.” As an afterthought, she added, “And maybe some cuddling.”

Ginny feigned shock. “The famous Pansy Parkinson cuddles?”

“Only with stunning Quidditch goddesses.”

“Mmm, I hope I qualify.”

Pansy gazed at her studiously. “We’ll see.”

Ginny shoved her, flashing a playful smile. They started back to the castle together, and as they walked hand in hand, Pansy decided that maybe sometimes it was okay for Slytherins to act like Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors to act like Slytherins if it meant her slip-up could lead to a make-out session with the girl she lo–liked. After all, there wasn’t much traditional about this, and she sure as hell wasn’t complaining.

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dxmedstudent · 7 years

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I've got a place to study adult nursing from September, and I'm so excited to do it and know I want to be a nurse. The only thing that is stopping me is the state of the NHS and what that might mean for my future, I'm starting to get nervous that the NHS may not be around for long :( what's your opinion if you don't mind me asking?

Yay, another student nurse! I’m not being sarcastic I’m genuinely really thrilled to see I’ve got a little baby nurse readership :) Congratulations on getting into nursing school, you and your colleagues do an amazing job. I couldn’t do what I do without a team of amazing nurses working alongside us. I don’t mind you asking at all. At this point in time, it’s anyone’s guess what will happen. I don’t think you are wrong for being worried; I’m pretty worried about what will happen to the NHS in the longterm, now more than ever. In real terms, the government have been putting less mooney into the NHS than they need to, and less than it needs. We also have a slightly ageing population, but also we are discovering more complex, expensive treatments for illneses. We’ve gotten most of the low-hanging fruit in terms of treatments; new treatments will be expensive for a while until technology evolves to make it cheaper. So there are lots of reasons why healthcare should (and will) cost us more than it did before.In the long run, this gap has meant cuts to services, both NHS and also related services like social care and community services including mental health services, which are in serious danger. Less A+Es are open. Less hospitals in general as some are closed. More pressure on remaining staff and hospitals. We have less and less beds compared to the patients who need them. This means pressure to get them out sooner. Whilst this is often beneficial to patients, there are so many factors to getting people home when they are fit and ready. Each winter the figures suggest that things are getting worse; too many people attending A+Es like my own, which often struggles to cope with the pressure. As things get stressful, more of us end up sick or burned out. More of us leave to protect our sanity. As things are reported as bad, fewer will want to join; why should smart, excited wannabe nurses or doctors want to sign up to that? I can understand why people leave, or don’t want to join. They have every right to protect themselves. The worst thing is that this is a huge personal tragedy; I kknow how deeply being a doc, a nurse, a paramedic etc is ingrained into who we are. Those who leave aren’t quitters and most of them don’t lack vocation or commitment, and I’ll gladly argue with anyone who says otherwise. Thousands of us leaving aren’t just market forces. It isn’t just something that happens. It’s an absolute travesty that we are being driven out of a vocation we dedicated so many years to, but it’s not usually framed as such. No matter how many of us you replace, you can’t erase the burnout and suffering which changed people’s lives. And that’s ignoring the fact that politicians don’t have the money or the time to train the thousands of new doctors and nurses they keep promising out of nowhere. You can’t magic up skilled, highly trained professionals out of thin air. Even when poaching from other countries there is still a limit, as well as many ethical repercussions. And yet they keep promising that they can somehow pull a loaves-and-fishes trick with healthcare staff.You’ll know that they’ve gotten rid of the nursing student bursary and that nursing salaries have effectively gone down with time (due to frankly pathetic less-than-inflation pay rises and pay freezes); I really do fear we will not have anywhere near enough nurses. I’ve worked rotas with too many empty doc slots (who has a full rota? Anyone?) and I know what it’s like to work a severely understaffed shift; I wouldn’t wish it on others, and I count myself really lucky in what I’ve worked with. My seniors and teams have been really good, the nurses absolutely stellar. Rota coordinators understanding. Everyone trying their best.But we need to get more staff and retain more. We need to make working in healthcare less horrific in the longterm, or I fear that we may eventually reach a point where we don’t have enough staff to safely staff hospitals. I fear this more than outright privatisation (which I am very much against). I know how terrible we all feel when we fear we can’t provide safe care; it’s a horrible, scary feeling that I would not wish on anyone. It’s incredibly scary to not be sure you have the staff or equipment to look after people safely; absolutely none of us wish this for our patients, and this should not be happening to any of my colleagues. I don’t think the general public realise this, but when things are going badly, and you’ve been waiting 4 hours to see us in A&E and there are people being treated in the corridors, we feel truly horrible about it. We know you’ve waited too long; we know this isn’t good enough. But sometimes it’s the best we can do to keep everyone alive. What we need is for people to take action, not against us at 4am, but against the politicians who enabled the NHS to get into this state. People write a lot of complaints against hospitals (which is fine) but also, write to your MP. Let them know your local hosopital is struggling and there’s not enough staff or beds etc.I fear things may get worse before they get better; I’m not sure how bad things will have to get before people demand change. But I really hope we don’t go the US route and privatise, playing into corporate interests. I have no doubt that you or I might be paid better. We might even have better hours, and I expect that a private system would expect less goodwill of us. It certainly can’t expect more goodwill than what we’re already giving. But it won’t be in the best interests of our patients, and it won’t be saving us any money as patients ourselves. I’m not here to stick up for large companies, I’m here to advocate for what is best for my patients, especially the poor and the vulnerable. And I can see from around the world that they are most likely to suffer if we privatise our healthcare. Even when I applied to medicine the first time (has it been ten years? almost...) there were already question marks over the NHS, and we were already hearing lots of worrying things from doctors and nurses.I was worried about what would happen. But I decided to apply and see it from the inside; I had faitt that I would try my best, and that I would deal with things as they came; you never know what you can deal with until you try. I can’t say that the stories and reports in the news are a lie; things can be pretty bad in the NHS. But there is still goodwill and cameraderie and many of the nicest, smartest, kindest colleagues you could hope to meet. I don’t know what will happen to the NHS, or if I’ll stay in the NHS or work as a doctor forever; I can’t promise that at all, even though I’m passionate about the NHS and in my heart I’ll always be a clinician. I don’t know. But I don’t regret taking this path, or helping the people I managed to help, or meeting lots of amazing interesting people along the way. I really, really hope we can make things better, and I really hope I will still be able to cope with being a part of it.But we need excited new people to work with us, and I’d be honoured to work with you.

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