#there's a LOT to unpack there and I'm sure stuff I've missed

[katya-goncharov]

i wonder if it's weird that i still bear a grudge against my friend from primary school for unfriending me on facebook over a decade ago

#it's just very very complicated because A. she's lived round the corner from me for her entire life and her mum and my mum are still friends #B. she's still facebook friends with a lot of other kids from my high school who she was far less good friends with than me and even some #kids who weren't even in our year so it felt very deliberate at the time that she chose to unfriend ME specifically #C. we never officially fell out or stopped being friends. it just sort of ended the way childhood friendships sometimes do when you're 14 #D. it very much felt like she stopped being my friend because i wasn't popular at school and she didn't think it would be good for her #social cred #E. thinking back now i'm very sure she was a pretty toxic friend and she did and said a lot of shitty things when i was a teenager #F. i sort of still miss having her as a friend and i've never really managed to make a friend to fill that void since #G. i still remember this one time when i was like 16 when i saw she'd posted a bunch of pictures of our childhood friendship group and she #tagged every single person in it except me and it was sort of like i didn't exist to her and i never had even though i was THERE on the #photos #H. she went through a lot of really difficult stuff as a teenager and my mum always used to say i should reach out to her or message her bu #i COULDN'T do that because she'd unfriended me and i couldn't tell my mum that so it just looked like i was a selfish jerk #I. no-one even uses facebook anymore but because she set that boundary when we were 14 now i can really never follow her on instagram or #twitter even if i wanted to and i never will be able to and even though my best friend from high school does because it would be #breaking this boundary i'm not sure she'd even want to honour anymore 10 years later and it's just. such a weird situation #J. sometimes i wonder if she still thinks about me and it's weird when i'm at home because she STILL lives round the corner from me and we #were friends for the 7 years we were at primary school but i haven't seen or heard from her for years now and i don't know. it's 2am and i' #just thinking about it and i don't know why this particular friendship still gives me so many emotions i've been spending 10 years trying #to unpack and process #emma vents #anyway ignore me i'm just. thinking about it for some reason tonight

[saintslewis]

“𝐂𝐔𝐅𝐅 𝐈𝐓”

𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 — 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒

˖ ࣪⭑ pairing: sir lewis hamilton x fem!oc

˖ ࣪⭑ summary: didn’t lewis say he’s a professional dancer? let’s test it out!

˖ ࣪⭑ warnings: cussing, outfit descriptions (the norm), links to posts, typos

˖ ࣪⭑ wc: 4.7k

˖ ࣪⭑ saint’s team radio!: hi babies….SORRY Y’ALL LMAO. i clearly skipped the 10 day mark but that’s okay! that’s why i made it longer for y’all to enjoy! I hope you enjoy and once again, tags are down below and let me know if you want to be tagged! and pls do click on the links to see the visuals, it’s important! (you can do it after)

pls like, comment and reblog!

renaissance:the series masterlist • previous chapter

general masterlist

-

The FaceTime ring chimed as Nadia adjusted her phone on the dashboard of her car, her cradled body in the driver's seat as she sniffled and wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

"Yo. What's-" Lewis made sure to look at his phone correctly to see the sight before him. "Nads? Are you okay? Where are you?" Lewis asked, slowing the car down a bit.

"I'm in the school parking lot with some pastries next to me." She sniffed again before continuing. "Like I don't know if I can even go in there after our posts because those kids are ruthless and also these pastries are so good and this car is giving me so much stress and you're so pretty and i can't get raye tickets and this wig didn't wanna lay this morning and jeez, it's just so much and i'm just a girl." Nadia rambled as she hid her face in her hands, not even looking at her phone.

"Sorry to call you so early but I had no one else to call so I just decided to call my husband. Do you wanna see the pastries? This girl gave them to me for free in the bakery." She spoke, tucking her hair behind her ear and grabbing the pink box to show Lewis, not missing how big his smile was.

"What?"

"Nads, do you wanna talk about it? There's a lot to unpack." He asked, his face holding a smug expression as he watched her place the box down and give him a look.

"No thanks, we can keep everything in the bag. Anyways, I'm the only one in the parking lot and I've got a class in 25 minutes but I don't wanna see my colleagues." She said, looking out of her window to see if anyone was lurking around. "Where you headed?" She snapped her attention back to him.

"Brackley. Got a meeting with the team for upgrades." He said, eventually speeding up the car and she nodded. "Okay don't go quiet on me. Have you checked your socials yet?" Lewis asked the girl. "Nope, I muted the app after Rihanna called me sexy." She replied with a big smile on her face, making him jokingly roll his eyes. "I'm assuming you did the same?" She asked and it was his turn to nod.

"So just to make you aware, I'm free on Wednesday after 12 so if your friends are available maybe we can meet them then?" Nadia suggested, packing her stuff up as she sat properly in the car seat. "Uh I'm sure they'll be cool with that. We can have a thing at my place, like a game night or something. Also why are you leaving work early that day?" He asked, stopping at a red light and put all his attention on her.

"School's are closing for like two weeks." She answered.

"Well then, have you ever been to Miami?"

"No..." she gave him a side eye as he continued to drive, the engine roaring.

"Well, we're going there next week for the Grand Prix so do you want to go? Then afterwards we leave for Malibu."

"But what if I wanted to watch Love Island during that weekend?" She muttered, making the man giggle.

"You can watch Love Island in Miami." He smiled, seeing her jokingly roll her eyes. "Fine. But wait, who do I need to speak to for like flight tickets and race stuff?" She mentioned.

"Tia'll have everything ready." He assured her, kind of surprised at how willingly she agreed to his proposal, something he had been nervously thinking about the whole morning.

"Alright then, pookie bear. Talk later, I have to face those ruthless critics i call my kids." She picked up her phone and did a little pose, to which Lewis didn't hesitate to take a Facetime photo of. They both waved at each other cutely before hanging up.

"You're the flyest babe on the planet, you can do this." Nadia hyped herself as she gathered her things and got out of her car.

The hallways were empty, the silence gnawing at her as she glanced through some doors to see students either sleeping on their desks or actually focused on what the teacher was saying.

Continuously taking deep breaths as she got closer and closer to her designated classroom, she could hear her Year 12 students talking about whatever gossip was going around the school. Goosebumps slightly covered her skin as she held her arm out to touch the door handle, her conscience screaming at her to turn around and drive home just to stress about this very situation.

Eventually gaining the confidence, she opened the door and it was as if the world stood still. All her students turned around to look at their frightened yet fashionable teacher slowly walk to her desk as she tried her hardest to not make any eye contact with their smug faces.

Placing her things down onto her little shelf next to her organised desk, she flipped her hair a little and walked to the front of her desk, leaning her whole body weight against it.

"Now before you lot start with your questions, just know I wasn't ready to be out there yet and truly, I wanted to tell you guys a while ago but now was a good time for the..launch." She announced and watched as her students continued to smirk at her, her heartbeat rising as the silence grew more and more.

"Can we see the ring?" A student, Daniela, asked loudly as she walked closer to her teacher. The minute Nadia extended her shaky hand out, they all came flocking to get a closer look at the diamond ring.

Eventually settling the class down with the fear that the Headmaster could just pop in, everyone was seated as Nadia was racking her brain on how she could sell this marriage to teenagers who could definitely see right through her.

"So how did you two meet then? You mentioned that you were from Stevenage like a while back." Vicky, the class leader, asked sitting in the front row and maintained eye contact with Nadia the whole time.

"Well it was our parents actually. They're all really close but Lewis and I never built that bond for all these years. It took a dinner invite from his parents for us to really fancy each other. We properly met the year I started teaching here." Nadia was cheesing, proud of the story she came up with that was half-true.

She could tell that their gears were turning in their heads, making comments to each other as if they were judges on a panel. Nadia hadn't expected the silence that would follow after each of her answers but it was quite unsettling.

"Since you said you weren't seeing anybody and you weren't the least bit interested in Formula one, how'd you end up with thee Sir Lewis Hamilton?" One of her male students asked from the back, Nathan. "I'm still very clueless about that sport and that's why I wanted you guys to teach me today. Can I count on you guys to help?" Nadia asked, pulling her chair closer to her desk as she clasped her hands together to look around her classroom to capture all the excited faces.

"James, where's the slideshow?!" "Ha! Give me my money." "We used to pray for times like this!" "Wait till Miss hears about brocedes!"

Those were amongst the shouts from her students, reminding her that she couldn't leave them alone even if she wanted.

Interrupting her train of thought as her students scrambled around the classroom, her phone buzzed with two notifications following each other. Opening her phone and heading for iMessages, she audibly gasped when she saw what Lewis had just sent her.

"What are you blushing at, Miss?" A kid pointed out, Nadia not even realising she was smiling quite hard at her phone.

"Do you want to teach me about F1 or should we go back to the French Revolution?" She sassed, making the class groan as they all somewhat surrounded a desk and whiteboard for her F1 lesson.

-

WEDNESDAY.

Holding the tub of cookies close to her, she thought back to the previous days and what her students informed her about the sport. As much as she can admit that she had forgotten most things they told her, a few thoughts lingered in her mind throughout the days, her emotions were on all time high for the man she married. Not wanting to come to one sided conclusions, Nadia decided to address these issues with Lewis when the time was right.

It doesn't help that she, once again, went down a rabbit hole of Lewis to see what his fans were like and how they thought of him from their perspective.

A knock from her front door snapping her out of her head, standing to open it up. Lewis stood there dressed ever so casually with a graphic tee and shorts paired with high top Jordans. Nadia would never say it out loud but seeing him wearing a cap, be it in a picture or right in front of her, brought slight butterflies to her stomach.

"The person who handles security downstairs is really looking out for you. Also, hello Nads." He smiled as he brought his hands forward to show a pink box with croissants inside, Nadia's heart melting, he remembered that she said she likes this specific bakery when they first met.

"Lewis, you didn't have to. Thank you." She said patting him on his exposed arm, wanting to keep her hand there for a little longer. "Hello to you too. Why do you say that about the guards?" She asked, taking the box of pastries from his hand and cradling it close to her, walking into her small kitchen to place them next to the flowers from the weekend.

"Well, when I drove in, he warned me about all the people who came to the entrance overnight. Apparently, they would go from building to building looking...for you." He said, slowly closing the front door as he walked into her home.

The goosebumps were very evident, her tattoos eerily coming to life with fear. "O-oh. Tia did warn me about this, just never expected this so early on." Nadia nervously smiled, the multiple locks on her door not enough to make her feel safe. "Hey hey, it's okay. I know this is overwhelming. Would you be more comfortable with a few of my security guys to be around until you make your moving decisions?" He asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. Seeing how scared she was and how she seemed to be overthinking it, he desperately wanted to change the subject.

Choosing to not answer verbally, she nodded and gave the man a small smile as she lifted herself off her kitchen counter. "Let's get the negatives out," Nadia sighed out. "Let me get my shoes and phone then we can get to your place in time. You can wait on the couch for now." She turned around, looking straight  ahead as she headed for her bedroom.

Taking the invitation, Lewis made his way to the comfortable looking grey couch. Beneath his feet sat a custom carpet in the shape of the infamous Murakami flower logo, a small smile etched on his face. The living room filled with all types of scented candles and incense sticks, two plants on either side of the tv stand. A full length mirror hung on the wall right in between the kitchen and living room, the arch of it filled with star stickers. A few vinyls were plastered onto the wall behind him with something written underneath each one and a custom piece of art sat in between the black discs, a painted picture of two people hugging with matching NY caps on. The little signature at the bottom spelling out 'Rea' and tiny initials signing 'R + N'.

Oh, the guilt sunk in quite quickly in those few moments as he observed a small part of her home. That's exactly what it was to Nadia, her home. Purely hers. Everything in his sight clearly held a special significance to the woman and because of his situations, he was taking that away from her. Her 'best teacher' pillows sat neatly on the couch, definitely gifted to her by her students that she loved. The picture frames and polaroids sat nicely on the side table, Nadia's smile wide and bright as she had stood with family and posed wildly with her friends.

His scandalous decisions had roped in a woman who looked like she had finally found her own way in life and he was taking that away from her. Everything she had worked for would be reduced to just being known as his wife. The thought making him cringe as he could picture the headlines.

Nadia fixed her shoelaces quickly as she found Lewis sitting on her couch staring at nothing, his arm sat high on the edge of the couch. "Lew? Are you okay?" The woman's soft voice went into his ear, his head turning to see her ready to go. The Barcelona jersey untucked, her jean shorts displaying the very few tattoos she had on her legs and the gold anklet contrasting with the stark white appearance of her Air forces.

"I know we're about to leave but do you mind if we talk a bit?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the couch and clasping his hands together. "What? You about to divorce me already?" Nadia joked but seeing him give the smallest smile only for it to fade away slightly scared her. Going to sit next to him, she sat one of her pillows over her lap and leaned on her elbows to hear what he had to say.

"Are you truly sure about this marriage? I feel like everything's just hitting you all at once and I feel bad. It feels as if I'm taking away your independence all because of stupid things people have said about me. I looked around and you already made a life for yourself and I don't want to do anything to hurt you." Lewis confessed, hands constantly fidgeting with the rings he had on. He was so sure that he would see her agree with him but seeing her downward smile surprised him.

"We already signed the papers, Lew, and it's going to sting you like a bee if we even think of letting this go. From my perspective, we're two people who are building a friendship who just happen to be married. I still am anxious about leaving my life behind but one thing I won't allow for myself is to be deduced to be someone's wife, no offence." She stated, seeing him nod.

Breathing in a little before continuing, she sat a bit comfortably on the couch facing him. "This is a very weird situation, one that not a lot of people go through but we're learning and that's the cool part. You and I have lived incredibly different lives and there's a reason why our lives are intertwining so much. I just ask for some time to figure out how to live in the limelight, right now I'm grateful for the journey. Except for the ysl heels, those bitches are uncomfortable." Nadia laughed a little, ending her sentence with a joke. He giggled along, his eyes crinkling with the left eye closing a bit more than the other. It was such an adorable sight to see.

"I appericiate the honesty, Nads. It's something that's been on my mind for quite some time and to hear you voice it out lifts some weight off my shoulders." Lewis chuckled, the sight of her smile was one he wanted to keep in his mind forever.

"Glad I could help, pookie bear. Tell me, do your friends like cookies? I made a bunch yesterday because I was stress baking." She asked, standing up and walking towards the kitchen. The nickname clearly sticking to him but he didn't mind, it was special.

"It would be weird if they did not like cookies. They smell good too." He complimented, unconsciously jingling the car keys in his hands. "Thank you, also made them vegan friendly." Nadia smiled, picking up the plastic tub and headed for the front door. Lewis couldn't control his eyes as they fell to her retreating figure, little peaks of more tattoos showed under the hems of her shorts. Taking a breath in, he walked towards her as she fiddled with her keys with the front door open.

-

"Oh my god, Tia sent a list of people she picked out for my team." Nadia gasped, tugging on the red seatbelt of the Range Rover a bit while going through her texts with Tia to see random faces with all their details laid on text.

"Really? That was fast." He said, one hand on the steering wheel with the other resting on his leg. He turned into an avenue, the car's engine roaring through the quiet street as they passed by homes that were hidden behind large gates and trees.

The pair spent the whole 35 minute journey just jamming out to their scarily similar music taste and getting a few snacks for the game night that'll be held, Nadia not realising that she's actually becoming famous because multiple people recognised her and asked for pictures. Once she got back into the SUV, she laughed about the situation until tears came out.

"They all look around my age or a bit younger, oh this is some scary shit." She joked as she looked through everyone's photos, to which Tia then said that Nadia will meet everyone in Miami before Lewis' media duties.

"And when are you meeting them?" Lewis asked, slowing the car down and turning into a driveway before stopping in front of the large gate. "Miami" She muttered. Pressing a button somewhere, the gates opened to quite the driveway with the motor court right in front of the large modern home. The beat of the song completely changed as the house came into view, Nadia taken aback at the visuals in front of her and she completely understood why the trees were hiding such a masterpiece behind them.

In the motor court, there stood a black Mercedes Benz amg gle coupe and an arctic grey Porsche 992 Turbo S outside of the garage looking fresh out the dealership. "My God..." Nadia muttered as she covered her mouth at everything she was seeing. Lewis definitely loved seeing Nadia astonished and excited at everything he's shown her so far.

Parking the Range Rover next to the Porsche, the two got out of the car and grabbed their belongings along with the snacks they bought earlier. "Is anyone else here yet?" She asked, only carrying her tub of cookies whilst Lewis carried everything else.

"Nope, just us. Was thinking of showing you around the house, just to get used to it." He smiled and slightly giggled at the side eye she gave him. "Now now, pookie bear. I still have to decide. But let's put the stuff inside." She smiled at him and watched as he opened the door with his fingerprint.

The moment she entered the massive house, her breath was taken away by the beauty of the foyer alone.

"So which floor do you wanna start with?" He asked, leading her into the living area, the kitchen space looking like it came out straight from the magazine. Looking to her left, she looked at the abnormally large garden with so many chill spots and what looked to be a tennis court.

"And this is all yours?" Nadia was stunned to say the least. The amount of luxury surrounding her was staggering and she wanted to hide within herself, scared to even comment until Lewis answered her question.

"Well, it's ours now that we signed on the dotted line."

And it's safe to say that the cookies surprisingly weren't dropped onto the floor.

-

Walking outside the home to marvel at the creation before her, Lewis followed right behind and watched her take it all in. "Are you able to take one more surprise? I think the closet did it for you." He grinned. His hands were behind his back as always and she looked back at him with a smile.

"You've done so much for me already, Lew. What could possibly top the Harrods trip." She asked, hands on hips while slightly joking. His smile grew even more as the butterflies in his stomach reacted to the nickname.

"How about a car? Would that be better than Harrods?" He asked, mischievously putting his finger on his chin as if he's thinking. Nadia's eyes widened for the upteenth time, her hands flying to cover her mouth.

"Are you fucking with me right now? Lewis, I swear if you're joking, I'm going to kick you in the ass." She exclaimed as the man held out different keys in his hand, the smile never leaving his face.

"Lewis whatever your middle name is Hamilton, are you serious? I'm going to fucking cry, oh my god." Nadia's voice was already quivering but she refused for her tears to fall.

"Wait no don't, you said that they would ruin your lashes." Lewis genuinely wanted to laugh at her reaction but he felt so happy that he could do this for her and hopefully get her used to it.

"First it was the Raye tickets then the croissants then an entire car? Not to mention the new shit I got. Oh this is gonna be so fun." Finally uncovering her mouth, they both smiled at each other then laughed. "Let's go look at it, Nads, before everyone gets here." He suggested and like lightning, the girl was already standing next to the car and was eagerly waiting for it to open.

-

"My God, Lewis! You didn't tell me she was so beautiful. Like crazy beautiful." Currently, Nadia was being cradled in the arms of one of Lewis' closest friends, Amara.

Standing in the entryway of the house, everyone exchanged greetings and hugs as the friend group hadn't seen each other in a long time. Moments before, the pair watched as cars rolled in the motor way as each of his friends climbed out of their cars hyped as ever, carrying different things in their hands.

" 'Mara, if i could kindly have Nads back, I can finally introduce you guys." Lewis jokingly rolled his eyes at his friend who didn't want to let go but eventually did.

"Guys, this is Nadia. Nads, this is my crew. We've got Miles," He pointed at the tall man with the brightest smile she's ever seen. "Amara, who's cradled you just now," The woman waved to Nads who definitely returned the energy.

"Charlotte, who threatened to sue if she didn't meet you," Lewis then pointed to the woman standing next to Amara, she was as stunning as ever. "Daniel or 'Spinz' if you will." Another man smiled at her, tilting his cap like a cowboy. "Andrew, and right next to him is Natalia." He ended off by pointing at the two right next to Daniel.

"Nice to meet you all, I'm Nadia as you know." She shyly greeted back, never the one to introduce herself as much. Everyone spoke at the time, patching the words together to say that they're delighted to meet her.

"Uh, we've got snacks in the kitchen and the games are set up in the living room already." Nadia suggested as she pointed behind her, not even realising that Lewis' arm was around her shoulders the whole time.

"Oh please lead the way." Natalia piped up as walked over to hold Nadia's hand and walk to the kitchen, the rest of the woman following suit and immediately started complimenting the woman.

Deciding that they would tell their friend groups the truth about their marriage, Nadia and Lewis happily agreed to their plan and it most definitely seemed to work.

"God damn, your parents chose good, man. The Barcelona jersey and she's just a teacher? Can your parents hook me up because damn." Daniel spoke up, shocked at Nadia's appearance knowing that his friend barely explained how she looks.

"And don't even get me started on the tattoos, Spinz. I'll call my dad for you though!" Lewis laughed as he walked away, the rest of his mates laughing, walking towards the living area.

An hour into the game night, Nadia and Lewis had won both boards games, celebrating as if their favourite team won the league. The atmosphere was light, conversations flowing as music played in the background, well that was until 'Love Is Wicked' by Brick and Lace started playing and that's when the nostalgia hit.

It was as if everyone lost their minds, immediately clearing the space to dance. Somehow, Lewis and Nadia found sunglasses and started dancing together. Amara being the friend who films everything, filmed the two having the time of their lives. Lewis trying to copy her dance moves whilst they both sung incoherent lyrics to the song, laughter spreading while the songs played out loud.

The song switched to 'Work' by Rihanna and the girls went crazy. Moving the party to the outside porch for fresh air and more space, the well light outside lights lit quite well. The girls were moving the hips to the beat, shaking ass nah chance they get. Nadia being the dancer here, just wowed the girls even more, hyping her up so much that the boys included themselves in the dance and they eventually created an unforgettable night hanging out and laughing until the moon rose.

"So, how was it?" Lewis asked, laying next to Nadia on a blanket on the grass. The rest of the crew were laying on the other blankets across the large backyard, resting after an intense game of hide n seek. "I haven't had this much fun in quite a while. It felt nice to feel like kids, just having a good time. Once again, thank you. For this, the Porsche that i still can't believe is mine, even the ring that I stare at all day." Nadia expressed, lifting her hand to look at the ring once more.

"If you need or want anything, don't hesitate to let me know and I'm very serious, Nadia." Lewis said, turning his head to see her staring up at the night sky.

"You're bluffing." She scoffed until she turned to see his face, a raised eyebrow as he stared at her. "Anything?" She asked.

"Anything." He scrunched his nose a little, the diamond studs glistening under the moonlight.

"New wig? With a new bracelet?" She turned her entire body to face him, leaning her head in her hand.

"Done." He smiled. "Although that was severely underwhelming, bruv." He said, turning on his back once.

The two shared a loud laugh afterwards, their laughs travelling to the moon that watch over them.

-

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(if your blog is blank, that means tumblr couldn’t find you! :( I’m sorry!)

dividers by: @cafekitsune

pics: pinterest and ig

Nadia’s fc: @/unclewaffles on ig!

#☆ ‧₊˚ saint’s media pen #f1 x reader #lewis hamilton #formula one x black reader #x black fem reader #formula one x reader #x black reader #f1 x you #f1 x black!reader #f1 x oc #f1 imagine #f1 fic #lewis hamilton fanfics #lewis hamilton x black reader #lewis hamilton x oc #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton fanfic

[thewritingofspencerrose]

M.Hughes Masterlist

How Many Hockey Players Does It Take To Unscrew a Lightbulb

liked by _quinnhughes, _alexturcotte, and 732 others

"You all really didn't have to come help me pack," Is all I can think to say once I get past the shock of opening my front door to players from the Devils, Ducks, and Canucks. "I- How did you all even know? Let alone get tickets so quick?"

"We're professional hockey players Kid, we have the money for last minute tickets AND the muscles for carrying heavy things into your Uhaul," Is Elias Pettersson's response.

"We're basically the dream team of moving," Is Cole's addition, popping out from behind Nico to give me a hug. Make that four NHL teams represented.

"But you didn't have to all come? I don't have that much stuff and I already had Trev and my brothers."

"Just say you're happy to see us and move over so we can get in," Is Brady's jab, pulling me into a hug before pushing me back into my nearly empty apartment, each boy giving me a hug as they go until the only ones left to enter are my brothers and boyfriend.

"Hey there Kiddo," Quinn greets, pulling me into his side and kissing the top of my head. "You didn't really think we wouldn't call in the army to make this easiest for you."

"Or that we wouldn't be coming with you to Cali to unpack," Jack chimes, holding up three tickets while still in the entry.

"Just the three of us, the other boys are all heading home tomorrow," Lu is the one to comfort, seeing the anxiety in my body rise and making it fall. "It looks like you pretty much have everything packed."

"I do," I agree, looking over the room of boxes, only a few items here and there as the men glance around, most having never seen my apartment before.

"What's left of this place is cute?" Dawson offers, trying his best to compliment what was left. "I'm sure it was even cuter before."

"Thank you Daws, that's a lot nicer than what Jamie was saying the other day," I chirp, the comment directed at said Ducks player who nearly drops the box that he had acquired.

"I didn't mean it like that! All I said was that this place wasn't cute enough for you!" He attempts to defend, looking to Trev for assistance.

"Not to defend his honor or anything, but he did follow it with 'your stuff will look so much cuter in our apartment'," Trev offers, and I can't help but jokingly roll my eyes.

"And this is why he's your one true love," I grumble, the Petey, Q, Jimmy and Mason walking out with boxes in hand, having just taken any old boxes and gotten moving.

"Hey now, you know you're my one true love, baby," Trev assures, moseying up in front of me and pulling me in by my hips, wrapping his arms around me and giving me a peck.

You can hear the groans of the room before you can actually determine who's groan is who's. All I do know is that Jack was definitely the one to say "ew" and Cole absolutely said "oh my poor eyes!"

Drama queens.

"Okay, that's enough of that," Luke is the one to pull me away from Trev, pulling on my hand like he did as a kid.

God when did we all grow up.

Cole, Trevor, my brothers and I. All that we're missing is Alex.

And all my boys made it into the NHL.

And I'm a nurse.

"Hey, don't fall too far in there," Quinn's words pull me out, him and the others having gotten back in the time that I was in my head, Luke having just gently been rubbing my shoulder in the mean time. "Where'd you just disappear to?"

"Just thinking about how much we've all changed since Jack and the boys were in dev camp."

It's a simple answer, but its enough that Q pulls me around the corner into the hallways, leaving Luke behind to lead the continued emptying of where I've lived for two years.

As soon as we're around he's looking in my eyes before pulling me into a hug, tucking me under his chin like he's always done and holding me tight.

"I know change, especially big changes, make your anxiety spike," well he caught me there, "but this is something you've been looking forward to since you were toddling around putting bandaids on us after peewee practice. As much as I hate to say it, you are the most prepared out of any of us to go out into the world."

"Q-" I cut myself off, knowing if I continue I may just cry. "Thank you."

"Hey Mags-a-million, where- oh," Cole pauses, a blush coming to his cheeks at interrupting Quinn's and my sibling bonding moment.

"Uh, yeah, what were you going to ask Coley?" I ask, wiping the few tears that did gather from my waterline.

"I just wanted your permission to move the box that says undergarments. I felt kind of weird doing it without asking and didn't want Trev to kick my ass," He explains, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Cole, it's not like you're digging through my panty drawer," I can't help but laugh, his entire face burning bright red.

Quinn just shakes his head, running his hand through his hair. "I'm pretty sure you made it weirder by asking."

"Why did Mason just tell me that Cole was asking about your under stuff?" Trevor's voice interrupts us once more, taking me from my brothers side and pulling me into his arms, glaring with very little ammunition at Cole. "Back off my woman Caufield."

"See! This is why I asked!" Cole yells, officially having enough of the teasing before glaring at Trev. "You," He emphasizes with a point, "can carry it, jackass," Throwing his hands up to his usual level of dramatics before wandering away.

Trev pecks my forehead, the brightest smile on his face as he leads us after our favorite dramatic.

"I think this is really going well."

#original character #the writing of spencer rose #nhl fanfiction #best friends to lovers trope #hughes sister #trevor zegras x hughes sister #maggie hughes story #trevor zegras x oc

[amor1st03]

The Moon is Beautiful, isn't it? | Han Jisung

Han Jisung x fem!reader

roommates to lovers, fuckboy!jisung

warnings: some swearing, mentions of sex, making out but nothing too detailed, implied sexual intercourse but no smut cos I can’t right smut lol, Jisung can act like a bit of an arse at parts but not to the reader, lmk if I missed anything

word count: 3k

in which: your roommate, Han Jisung, never kept the girls he brought home a secret from you, but that didn’t mean he had nothing to confess

a/n: I was sitting on this one for a while, saving it for when I had nothing else to post and here we are I guess lol, I'm working on some other stuff I've just had a lot going on recently but yeah if you're reading this I hope you enjoy!

Skz masterlist

one

For him, it happened all at once

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Jisung certainly didn't, he believed it was a connection that grew over time, love was something that took time to develop. That all changed the first time he saw you.

He had just finished unpacking the day he moved into his student flat and was yet to meet his roommate. He left his room and headed to the kitchen, intending on making himself some food while he waited for his new roommate.

As he rounded the corner, into the kitchen, he was smacked straight in the face and sent flying back, falling onto the floor. The person carrying the stack of boxes that he had just walked into, dropped them without hesitation, crouching down in front of him. He held his head, eyes squeezed shut.

"Oh my god, are you alright?"

He opened his eyes to face the person in front of him.

And there you were.

For a moment, he was convinced he had died and gone to heaven. Everything around you faded, he found that the ache in his heart as he looked at you was more painful than the throbbing in his head. He knew not even the greatest poets of all time could do his feelings justice at that moment. So this is what love at first sight feels like. He thought to himself.

"Y-yeah, I'm alright."

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were there and I was just carrying so many things. Do you want me to get you some painkillers or some ice or I don't know, anything? I'm rambling that probably doesn't help." He simply smiled. "Are you sure you're alright? I really am sorry."

"I'm more than alright, really." You relaxed a little.

"Okay, good." You stood up, holding out your hand for him. He took it and you helped him up. Electricity shot through him when your hand met his, he could've sworn he could practically see the sparks. "Sit down, just in case." He did as you told him to, sitting at the dining table. You looked at him, still concerned for a moment, but breaking out in a small laugh.

"Well, that was one hell of a first impression, I can't believe I nearly knocked you out the first time we met." he joined in your laughter.

"Yeah, maybe try and get to know me first before you try to kill me." You both continued to laugh. Jisung's heart raced when he heard your laughter. He wanted to write a song as beautiful as it sounded.

"I'm Jisung, by the way." He held out his hand, hoping you would shake it just so he had an excuse to feel that electricity again.

"Y/N. It's really nice to meet you." You shook his hand, much to his excitement, smiling brightly at him.

***

Gone was that gorgeous smile that always seemed to put him in a trance. Your face held a look of disappointment. It was the most painful thing for Jisung to see. He would rather you hate him than be disappointed in him. It weighed so much more on his heart than if you hated him.

"Look, I don't care who you sleep with. As long as you are both aware that it's just a one-time thing, for a bit of fun. But have you ever once considered their feelings?"

"I..."

"Jisung, you don't see the way some of the girls you bring home leave this place. They're distraught when you tell them you had fun but it was a one-time thing. And it hurts me too because I know you're a good guy, I just don't understand why you don't consider their feelings," You raised your voice, looking at the boy who sat dejectedly in front of you.

"I can't help it."

"Bullshit, all you have to do is talk to them, make it clear from the get-go that it's a one-night stand, that it doesn't mean anything. It isn't that hard!" You shouted at him.

"It's more difficult than you think!"

"Give me one reason why you don't think about their feelings. Give me one fucking reason why you seem to become such an inconsiderate, selfish asshole?"

"I'm sorry, it's just in the moment I'm so focused on my own feelings, and I know I'm selfish and an asshole, you think I wanna be like this? You think I wanna have all these meaningless one-night stands?"

"Then why do you do it?! Why keep bringing these girls home if you don't really want to?!"

"As a distraction." The two of you were screaming at the top of your lungs now.

"As a distraction? From what, your real feelings? Ha, let me guess there's some girl that you just can't get over but instead of plucking up the courage and facing your feelings you just keep fucking whoever’s willing to sleep with you, hoping to get her off your mind, right?" You scoffed as he just looked at you. You had read him so easily and he wasn't even sure you were even aware of how well you had hit the nail on the head. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He looked down at the floor, avoiding eye contact.

"Oh my god, that's it isn't it? I can't believe you, right now, Jisung. You're a coward."

"Fine, alright, I'm a coward, I can't bring myself to confess."

"No, you're not a coward because you can't confess, that I get, believe me. You're a coward because you hurt these girls because you won't face your own feelings." You couldn't even be bothered to shout anymore, you felt exhausted from arguing. "I'm going out for a walk to cool off, we can talk through this when we have both calmed down."

two

For you, it happened gradually.

You were carrying your boxes full of your things, stacked high in your arms, into your new room. You had just started university and were yet to meet your new roommate. You had found your way to the kitchen, where you balanced the boxes on the table to place down the bag of food you had brought for yourself. Next, you moved on to take your things to your room. You picked the stack of boxes back up and were walking away from the kitchen when something collided with the boxes. You heard a grunt as someone fell to the floor in front of you. In an instant, you dropped the boxes to the side and crouched down to look at the boy in front of you. You panicked, asking if he was alright and if there was anything you could do to help him. When you had finally managed to help him up and sat him at the table you were able to properly look at him.

The boy was handsome and there was something that seemed so sweet about him. You knew you were going to be good friends with him.

"I'm Jisung, by the way." He held out his hand, which you instantly took, introducing yourself.

"Y/N. It's really nice to meet you." His eyes glimmered as he smiled at you.

"Well, Jisung, since I nearly concussed you, how about I pay for dinner tonight, we can order something in, as a housewarming gift for ourselves?"

"Sounds good to me, what do you have in mind?"

"Whatever you want, only seems fair after my attempted assassination."

***

When Jisung first started bringing girls home to hookup you weren't jealous.

Hell, you would bring the occasional date home so what right did you have scolding him for it?

It was the first girl that cried that made your heartache.

You were sitting at the kitchen table, having some breakfast when the girl left Jisung's room in floods of tears.

"W-who are you?" She asked when she saw you, wiping her tears.

"Jisung's roommate. Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine, he's just a dickhead. I thought he liked me, turns out I was just another hookup. You know I liked him for months? Tried to get his attention for months? But I meant nothing to him." And without another word she stormed out of your apartment.

That wasn't the last time you saw a girl leave his room crying. And your heart did hurt for the girls.

You probably should've taken it all as a warning not to fall for him. But the more time you spent with him the more your heart began to race when he smiled at you. The more it fluttered when he laughed.

You had been his roommate for a year when you realised that your little crush on the boy had become something more. It was a night like any other. You were sat together, eating the food you had both cooked.

"You know, this is my favourite time of the day. Just sitting with you, eating and talking about everything and nothing." His small confession made you smile.

"Yeah, it's mine too," You admitted.

"I hope we can always stay like this, forever." That was all it took for you to realise you loved him. And you were okay with it. You felt a strange sense of peace when it came to loving him. He may never know about it but loving him from a distance, in secret, was alright for you.

After your realisation there was some part of you that started to feel jealous but, in your mind, you knew they were meaningless. And maybe it was selfish of you but that gave you some comfort because the girls he brought home never experienced the side of him you got to see. They never got to wear his clothes, cuddling up on the sofa together to watch a film or feel the way he would softly brush their hair from their eyes. Never got to see that smile he reserved especially for you. Never knew the way it felt to be truly cared for by him. Sure, your heart ached for the girls, but some selfish part of you was too busy thinking about the way he loved you, even if it was as only a friend.

***

It was like that for a while. But the more frequent the crying girls became the more you heard about his ways. The worry that he wasn't who you thought he was began nagging you. Until finally you had enough. You couldn't take it anymore. So, when he sauntered out of his room, a little while after another girl had left crying, you finally snapped.

The argument got heated quickly. The two of you had never argued like this before. You looked at the boy in front of you. The boy you thought you knew. Could you be wrong about him? How can he hurt the girls he brings home and yet act so sweet to you?

"I'm going out for a walk to cool off, we can talk through this when we have both calmed down." He watched you leave, his eyes lingering on the door after you had shut it. You left your apartment building and went for a walk around the local park where you and Jisung would sometimes have picnics when the weather was especially nice. There, you sat on the swings thinking back to the countless times you had sat here with Jisung beside you, late at night, stargazing. The last time you were here it was a particularly cool night so Jisung lent you his jacket. It had been warm and cozy and smelt like him.

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

"It is." You turned to look at him to find he was already gazing at you.

You sighed to yourself, as you continued to remember all the fond memories you shared with him. After half an hour or so you felt a lot calmer and ready to talk to him, so you headed back to your apartment.

three

Either way, you were just two people in love

Once you were back at the apartment you found Jisung sitting on the sofa, staring into space in deep thought.

"Hey," You said quietly.

"Hi," He replied as you took a seat next to him.

"I hate to argue with you. But the way you were treating those girls was making me doubt if I really knew you. I know deep down, you're not a bad guy. I know you're sweet and kind and funny but you can't keep hurting people, Jisung, even if you are trying to protect your own feelings. It isn't right."

"I know. I messaged the girl that left this morning and apologised. And I told her the truth. About why I act that way."

"The girl you like, right?" It stung a little as you said it.

"Yeah."

"Can I be honest?" He nodded. "I think that sleeping with all these girls is hurting you too. It's making you repress these feelings you have for whoever this girl is. Maybe you should spend some time just thinking about the way you truly feel. You're a good guy and anybody would be lucky to be with you. I'm not saying you should do it right now but I think you should eventually tell her..."

"That I love her?"

"Yeah."

"I kinda just did."

"What?" Your heart dropped. There was a tense atmosphere surrounding the two of you. He reached up gently stroking the hair away from your eyes.

"Y/N." He said it so quietly you almost missed it. He leaned in, hesitant at first, but when you didn't pull away he gently kissed you. Your hand came up to cup his face as he placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer to him, and deepening the kiss. You had never been kissed like this before. With so much love and affection. The number of fireworks and sparks set off in your stomach could give a New Year's Eve display a run for its money. He guided you back to lay on the sofa, his body resting on top of yours. The warmth felt like wrapping a blanket around yourself on a cold winter's day. You parted your lips slightly allowing his tongue to explore further, intensifying the kiss. You broke away gasping for air but soon his lips began to trail kisses along your jawline, neck, collarbone.

"Jisung." He hummed in reply.

"Is it really me?" He pulled away to look you in the eyes.

"Of course it's you."

"I just...I don't want to just be some hookup."

"You'd never be just some hookup. Y/N, you must know, it's always been you. I love you. I have since the day you nearly knocked me out with a stack of boxes." You both smiled fondly at the memory.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because how could you ever have felt the same? Wait, you do feel the same, right?"

"Stupid question. Of course, I feel the same."

"You're sure?" You sighed softly, stroking his cheek.

"Han Jisung, I love you." He smiled brightly at you. "Now kiss me again before I die of anticipation." He didn't need to be told twice. His lips met yours again as your legs wrapped around his waist pulling him even closer. Eventually, the two of you found your way to his room. He shut the door. The night consisted of soft giggles and gentle touches as the rest of the world faded away.

***

Jisung's favourite part of his one-night stands was always the morning after. When he woke up with his arm over somebody's waist. He always kept his eyes shut, imagining it was you beside him. He imagined you, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek, whispering sweet nothings to him. He wanted to start every day holding you close to him.

Today, his wish was granted. Instead of keeping his eyes shut and imagining you, he opened his eyes to gaze at your sleeping figure. He couldn't keep the smile from his face. He pulled you closer, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. As you began to stir he traced gently patterns on your waist.

"Good morning, beautiful," He said once you opened your eyes.

"Good morning."

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I love you." He pecked your cheek.

"You're so sappy."

"I don't care. Now that it's out there I'm going to tell you as much as humanly possible." You laughed at the boy beside you, totally lovestruck.

"I can't believe it took us this long to confess, we were really stupid."

"Well, technically, I had confessed before last night."

"What? When?"

"The last time we were stargazing in the park. Remember what I said?"

”That if I didn’t buy you coffee in the morning for keeping you up so late to watch the stars you’d get the locks changed?”

“Shut up.” You both laughed again, the two of you couldn’t seem to hide away the giddiness you both felt.

“Fine, what did you say?”

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

"And?"

"And? You really don't know what that means? It's basically a way of saying 'I love you.'"

"Oh. You really are sappy, aren't you?" You laughed slightly.

"It doesn't matter because guess what? You love me too. You are totally, completely, 100% in love with me."

"Yeah, fine, I'm totally, completely, 100% in love with you." You continued to smile at him. You leaned him and gave him a small but loving kiss. His lips chased yours as you pulled away. "Jisung, we need to get up." You tried to move away from him but he only pulled you closer, wrapping his arms even tighter around you.

"Why?" He whined.

"Because we have plans with Chan and Changbin today."

"Let's cancel."

"No, we can't cancel. Now let me go," You said, but with no conviction.

"Never. Now that I've got you I'll never let you go."

"Sappy." You teased him again.

"You love it.”

#stray kids #skz #skz han #kpop #han jisung #han jisung x reader #han jisung fluff #fanfiction #fanfic

[worksby-d]

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x fem!Reader

Warnings: None 🥰

Word count: ~1,100

a/n: Happy Halloween 🎃 *places a soft!ransom in all of your treat buckets*

. * ✦ . ◍ ∘ . * ✦ ‧ ∘ ⊹

He barely notices you standing in the doorway of his office at first, keeping quiet for a second in case he's busy.

Letting out a small laugh, he looks up from his screen to give you his full attention, letting you know he noticed. “Hi, pretty girl.”

“Hi,” you smile. “Are you busy?”

“Never too busy for you.” He pretends to give you a scolding look. He's told you that so many times before. “Are you done putting up those decorations you wanted?”

Unpacking your stuff, you came across your Halloween decorations from when you lived alone. You begged Ransom to let you decorate his–your–house. He reluctantly told you yes, knowing he had no good reason to not let you. He just didn't want any part in it.

“Yup,” you answer proudly. You know you've gotten him to crack when he brings a hand up to his face to hide his smile. “I think you're gonna like it.”

He scoffs. “I'm sure.”

“I think I'm missing a few things though.” He looks confused. “Yeah, some pumpkins would tie it together, I think. Maybe… We could go to a pumpkin patch and get some this weekend.”

You unconsciously hold your breath after introducing the idea knowing he could draw the line at going to a pumpkin patch. He already did a lot by allowing you to decorate.

“Why would we go there when we can just go to the store?”

“Well, I don't know.” You shrug, slouching yourself against the doorframe. “That would be the best place to go, I figured.”

“Those places are for kids. We don't have kids.”

“No, yeah.” You’re trying not to show how let down you are, but he can tell a little by how quiet you get. “I just thought it would be kinda fun.”

Watching your eyes focus on anything in the room but him, he tries to backtrack. “I mean, we can if you want.”

“No, you don't want to though,” you shake your head, putting on as much of a smile as you can muster. “It's okay.”

You wish he would push it a little more and insist one last time that you go together, but he doesn't. So you give him one last smile and silently leave him to his work.

. * ✦ . ◍ ∘ . * ✦ ‧ ∘ ⊹

A few days go by and you've been quiet since that evening.

Coming up behind you while you cook dinner, Ransom slips his arms around you, pressing a soft kiss on your shoulder.

“What's got you moping around the last few days?” He laughs a little, but his voice is laced with genuine concern.

When he hears you sniffle, he steps back and gently turns you toward him.

Locking eyes with him, you can't keep it in anymore. You break down, falling into his arms.

Whatever it is, he didn't expect you to start crying over it. He doesn't ask again though, just holds you and rubs your back until you're ready to talk.

When your tears subside, you let out a deep breath. “I miss my family.”

“Oh…” He can't help his sudden reaction. Not being able to relate, he never would have guessed that's what was affecting you this much. “I know you do. I'm sorry.”

You have to let out a few residual sobs before you can talk to him again.

“The other day when I asked you if we could go to a pumpkin patch–” You hiccup, trying to put together an explanation. “I've gone with them every year since I can remember, but I have no one to go with now that I moved away from everyone.”

“Oh, God…” It all makes sense now, and he feels like a jackass for not getting it sooner. “I'm sorry– We can go. I'll take you.”

“No.” You're quick to assure him he doesn't need to, finally lifting your head off his chest to wipe away your lingering tears. “It’s okay. I don't wanna go just because you feel sorry for me. I'm over it, it's fine. I promise.”

He stays silent, holding you in one arm still as he lifts a hand to your face to help wipe away some smudged makeup. Not wanting to push you, he lets it all go for now.

. * ✦ . ◍ ∘ . * ✦ ‧ ∘ ⊹

Saturday rolls around quickly after the emotional week you had. Your plans don't involve much more than your bed and the heated blanket on top of you.

That's why you groan, immediately waking up when you feel your blanket being pulled off of you.

Feeling for it to pull it back up, your hand meets Ransom’s instead. “What are you doing?”

“We’re going to the pumpkin patch,” he whispers, leaning to give you a quick kiss on your forehead. “Gotta get up.”

“No– Ransom.” You yawn and turn over to press your face into your pillow. “I told you we don't have to.”

“But we're going to.” He wonders if you've already fallen back asleep when you don't respond. His hand rests on your back, rubbing softly to keep you awake. “Please, I really wanna go with you.”

Peeking an eye open, you look up at him, searching his face for any sign he's fucking with you.

“Really?”

“Of course,” he promises. “Come on.”

. * ✦ . ◍ ∘ . * ✦ ‧ ∘ ⊹

Once you get there, you have to suppress a laugh as you watch him look around. A subtle look of disgust occupies his face while he takes in the sight and sounds of children running around and screaming.

“So… what do we do here without kids?”

“Everything they're doing,” you shrug, taking his hand to pull him toward the corn maze you saw in the distance. “Follow me.”

After you've dragged him along to every activity, made him buy you apple cider, and forced him to help you pick out a few pumpkins, he gladly agrees to a hayride, seeing it as an excuse to finally sit, if nothing else.

Tired after all afternoon too, you rest your head on his shoulder. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“Of course,” he murmurs, turning to leave a kiss on the top of your head. “I'm sorry for not realizing how important this is to you.”

“It’s okay. You had no way of knowing.” Closing your eyes, you let the sound of the gravel crunching underneath the tractor’s wheels and the weight of the pumpkin in your lap nearly lull you to sleep right there. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

. * ✦ . ◍ ∘ . * ✦ ‧ ∘ ⊹

Tag list: @chris-butt @patzammit @denisemarieangelina @thummbelina @pppsssyyyccchhhiiiccc @princess-evans-addict @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @la-cey @turtoix @katiew1973 @harrysthiccthighss @tvckerlance @bluemusickid @rocketrhap3000 @mrspeacem1nusone @murdcox @geminievans1 @doozywoozy @americasass91 @dwights-new-plague @wwwmarissa92 @redhairedfeistynerd @whxre4cevans @aubreeskailynn @white-wolf1940 @melchills-j @xoxabs88xox @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @before-we-get-started @chrissquares @christowhore @ice-dtae @mariestark @justile @rogersbarber @dilfbarber @livstilinski @payperhearts @vintagestarlight @gitasor @chaeycunty @miss-ariella @bemysugarbean @t-stark35 @seitmai @reginaphalange2403 @raelorns21

#ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale fanfiction #chris evans x reader #chris evans fanfiction #ransom drysdale imagine #chris evans x you #dest's flufftober

[rjmartin11]

Earth Angel, Heavenly Boy Part 3

Pairing: Angel!Elvis & OC!black!female

Summary: After a nearly fatal car accident, a mysterious man saved the life of a young woman who believes the young man is more than what he seems.

Word Count:???

Warnings: Slowburn, talks about God, Biblical stuff like angels, demons, the devil, spirituality, and realism.

Author's Notes: Welcome to Part Three. Bring a little religion in here. I hope that's okay. I'm an open Christian, meaning I gladly speak on God. Elvis was an open Christian, which I find sexy as all get out. As beautiful as he was, he could have been a narcissist, vain, boastful, arrogant, exectra. But he was humble. There's nothing more sexy than a humble man. At least, in my opinion. 😊😊😊

If you enjoy this chapter, like, comment, repost, and follow for more fun!

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・🪽・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

Noel was silent on the drive home. She contemplates her life, and all she can do is remain quiet.

"Nole?" Trish asks. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah."

"What do you want to eat?"

Noel turns to look at Trish and says, "Everything that I've denied for the last two years of this diet. I want burgers and fries and hot dogs and fried chicken and cake and brownies! I've only lost his forty pounds, and I work myself to the bone to make ends meet! I want to go to Italy and eat pizza and pasta and gelato. I wanna drink wine and rum and vodka!"

"Nole! Take a breath!" Trish says.

Noel takes a breath, and the flood gates open. Everything she's holding in comes out all at once. Having a death experience puts a lot in perspective for a woman who had very little.

"Nole, breathe. Take a deep breath and breathe," Trish says. "It's late, but I'll get you something good to eat."

It's fifteen minutes after one in the morning. Trish was able to find an old Mom and Pop restaurant open late. They order up chicken alfredo, spaghetti with meatballs, salad with the fixings, and a large pizza with a bottle of red wine.

By the time they get to her house, Noel and Trish unpack the car and head into Noel's apartment. Noel is thrilled to be home after a long, exhausting day. She's been faithful to her diet, but she needs a cheat day.

They set up her dining table with on the food, grab some plates, and wine glasses. The next thing Noel does is pour herself a glass of wine. Then Noel and Trish begin to indulge quietly in their dinner. Noel eats her dinner like it's going to disappear before she's done.

"Nole, slow down," Trish says.

"Sorry," Noel says, a mouth full of pizza. "I missed this type of cuisine."

Noel sips her wine and thinks about Dr. Elvis Carpenter. What he said about calling him. She was going to need someone to speak to about her issues. She held her glass to her lips.

"Penny for your thoughts, Nole?" Trish says. "I know this is a dumb question to ask, but are you okay?"

"Trish, did you know that the guy who hit me was in the ICU?"

"No, I didn't."

"I kept hearing them say that I shouldn't have survived the crash. I should be dead. They questioned how I'm still here... I know I should be dead. I was dead, Trish." Noel takes another sip from her glass.

"I'm sure you were just terrified, Trish."

"You said you saw my car? How bad was it? Honestly."

Trish looks her in the eyes but remains silent. She can't look in Noel's eyes for long, knowing the truth.

"Your silence speaks volumes."

"Nole... your car was totaled. It flipped over several times, it seemed. All the windows were shattered. There was blood on the driver's side, and a part of the driver's seat was crushed." Trish pauses at the mere thought of it all.

"Physically, you shouldn't be here drinking wine with me. It's theoretically impossible! But here you are without anything close to a scratch on you. Nole, you know I'm not really into the Christian stuff because I'm a realist, but the best word to describe this situation is..."

"Miracle," Noel whispers.

Trish tears up at the word.

"Yeah, Nole. It's a miracle that you're still here. I thought I lost my best friend."

Noel puts down her glass, stretching her arm across the small table to Trish. Trish takes her hand gratefully. A forever bond could have been broken tonight. Some bonds are stronger than others. It's a funny thing how one life can touch so many other lives.

"I love you, Nole."

"I love you too, Trish," Noel says. "I'm not planning on going anywhere for a while. I believe God wants me here just a bit longer."

"Maybe I'll go to church with you on Sunday," Trish said.

"You know, I've been doing bedside Baptist for a while. But I will go back. I think my guardian angel wants me to."

"Guardian angel?"

"Yes. I believe I was saved by an angel. As I woke up, I saw a pair of blue eyes... I believe. Then I fell asleep again."

"You shouldn't go to work tomorrow, Nole," Trish says. "You really need a break."

"I know. I wish I got a doctor's note," Noel said, putting her hand into her scrub pocket.

She feels around for a moment and realizes there's paper in her pocket. She remembered Dr. Carpenter gave her his card, but she didn't recall him giving her a doctor's excuse from work.

"Whoa..."

"Is that a doctor's note?" Trish asks.

"I believe it is. Now, all I have to do is text my boss about what happened."

"Was it that sexy doctor I saw with you?"

Noel cuts her eyes at Trish. Of course, she recognized that Elvis was gorgeous. It was undeniable, but he was out of her league.

"I believe it was Dr. Carpenter. It's his signature," Noel said.

"Dr. Carpenter? Did he give you his first name?"

"Yeah. It's Elvis, but I don't have time."

"If the accident has proven anything tonight, it's we don't have all the time in the world, Nole! Did he give you his number?" She asks Noel.

"Yes, on the professional basis that he analyzes me and sees that I'm okay. Not that way, Trish."

Noel had other things on her mind. She had this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't want to lie to her boss, but she felt the boss wouldn't be understanding at the situation. It would be one thing if she was in the hospital banged up from the accident. But she came out untouched. Her car is totaled, and she needs to make plans for a loaner vehicle to get from place to place. But if she feels great, she should go to work. She'll worry about it in the morning. Not now.

"Do you need company?" Trish asks.

"I'm fine. You go home. Thank you for bringing me home and picking up dinner. I appreciate it more than you know, Trish."

"You're my best friend. If you need it, you got it. I know you're proud, but I'm here for you. Plus, you had a rough day."

"Yeah."

Noel and Trish kiss each other's cheeks and hug before Trish heads out on her way home. Noel tells her to drive safely and locks the door behind her.

Noel takes this time to clean up the table and put her leftovers in the fridge. Trish bought her enough food to last her the rest of the week. She was grateful for that. She finishes up her glass of wine and gets ready to shower.

When she sits in bed, Noel's mind is still running wild for the evening's events. She doesn't know how to slow her thoughts down. She gets herself a bottle of water and brings it back to her room. She takes a sip, turns out the light, and gets into the bed, resting her body. She closes her eyes and tries to sleep.

Taglist: @missmaywemeetagain @beeandheroddobsessions @headfullofpresley @everythingpresley @epforeverohyes @vintagepresley @pianginferno @powerofelvis @ab4eva @foreverdolly @searchingforgravity @thatbanditqueen @daffieapple @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @epsgirl @richardslady121 @literally-just-elvis-fics @eptodaytommorowforever @vintageshanny @iloveelvis @dreamingofep @aliypop @littlehoneyposts @msamarican

#elvis #elvispresley #elvis fans #romance #elvispresleyseries #elvis x oc #AngelElvis #Angels

[dotthings]

Thought on Cas or Sam not being there, while I did think that we might see them briefly, I can see why bringing them in just for brief cameos is just...not enough room and I've had that thought before now. Remember that Cas and DeanCas being on screen again wasn't part of my conditions on taking up TW as well. I care very much, it was not conditional for me on this, there were things about Dean I desperately needed to see addressed.

I will be able to brain about Cas's potential role a bit more now, and also, given the catharsis I felt about Dean from 1.13 (and I'm not saying it's completed but wow that helped big time). Listen, if I think too much about how much I want Cas back, in his own right, and how much I want to see Dean and Cas on screen...it's going to take a while to get stuff filmed. That's logistics.

Those two characters are both emotionally immense for Dean and for spn along with Dean and there's a lot to unpack...and Dean and Cas's story is a whole deep well that for sure it's going to get into, Jensen's told us his intentions there. Cas is part of Dean's story. We just haven't reached the part where we see it unfold.

Sam is living his life on earth. There was nothing left ragged and raw about Sam and Dean. Dean misses Sam. Sam misses Dean.

But Dean and Cas have some very heavy unresolved things to address and Dean needs to say some things.

Hey, could we talk about that goodbye

#spnwin #the winchesters #spnwin spoilers

[professorspork]

the big 'Faunus worldbuilding in Newsbees' post

as requested by EVER SO MANY OF YOU (!!), I now embark upon a post to talk much more about the Shallow Sea Verses and about the Faunus culture and worldbuilding I did for Newsbees. I've talked about them a little bit before, and I'll try not to repeat myself too much there but there's gonna be some overlap.

I imagine when some of you asked me to say more about this, what you were hoping for was like a "here's all this great stuff I came up with for other traditions that I never got to use in the fic!" and that is--not what this post is, sorry. by virtue of the fact that this was, ultimately, a literary device very much devised to move this story forward, I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about in in ways that weren't plot-relevant. if you have prompts for, like, "how would they do/think about X" I'm delighted to give it a think, but it's not something I have just lying around.

instead I'm gonna talk about how it came about, why I did it, and what my priorities were

okay so I'm gonna take this in... I guess chronological order is the best way to make sense of it

from the outset of the fic's conception, I knew that I wanted it to be a reflection of my values. like. it's about unionizing a workforce, it's about socially-conscious community-building and class struggle and FUCK COPS. to disregard the minority oppression of the Faunus (which you'll note is something I always capitalize, for what I should think are now-obvious parallel reasons) in a world and a story like that just felt... not just insulting, but downright stupid. a missed opportunity. and I've always felt like this subject deserved much greater forethought and much better execution than canon provided, which I think can be described most charitably as "mostly serviceable" but is mealy-mouthed, inconsistent, and both-sidesy-whattaboutist at way too many points for me to feel like it merits any credit. like. if you're gonna do catgirl racism and intra-community disagreements over praxis, you gotta actually do catgirl racism and intra-community disagreements over praxis, you know?

(gee, I'm sure you're shocked Sienna is very much alive in Newsbees, wonder why that is)

ANYHOO

so that was thing one.

thing two is that this is perhaps the GREATEST ARGUMENT I HAVE for why I prefer writing everything in advance and then posting on a schedule, because I knew it was something I could then find my way into and then retcon back in, if needed, and that I therefore had the entire canvas available to paint on. and it's a good thing, too, because it saved my ass multiple times plot-wise and not just in this worldbuilding way.

to combine those two thoughts, the first time ANY of this actually came up in the drafting process was when I hit the Ilia scene in chapter 6. I knew what I wanted Blake to say to Ilia in that moment, which she absolutely couldn't say, which was: "I said the Mourner's Kaddish."

which: that's already a lot to unpack, so let's do that a bit! the first thing that drew me towards formulating my conception of Faunus culture around parallels to the diasporic Jewish experience is, of course, "write what you know." I'm not a racial or ethnic minority but I am Jewish, and so it was something I could use the 'draw from wellspring of personal knowledge and emotion' part of my brain for, rather than the 'radically and empathetically imagine the other' part of my brain. I've seen all sorts of fanon Faunus ideas where people drew on different and likely personal interpretations-- including things like the Faunus having their own language, Faunus interpolations of the Maiden myths and other Remnant lore having different values or being scaled more towards the God of Animals, Faunus having their own foods... if someone not-me had written this fic, this could have manifested in any number of ways. because the Faunus don't fit neatly into my (very American) notions of race, religion, or even X-men style "maybe we should regulate the people who have nukes for hands" minority/majority frameworks, I had the freedom to use the one that had the most personal meaning to me... and to deviate from that when it suited and felt appropriate. Neon's rightfully combative stance about Faunus mistreatment and how she reacts to it, for example, is far more aligned with the experiences of my friends and loved ones who are POC than it is anything I've personally gone through as a Jew.

so!

knowing, then, what my destination was (a Faunus cultural framework that would have specific death rites and rituals), I worked backwards from there. what makes a culture FEEL lived in is that people LIVE in it, that it relates to their everyday lives as well as its most significant moments-- what do we eat? how do we treat guests in our home? how do we handle life cycle events (birth/marriage/death)? without a country of origin, as the Faunus have none-- they made Menagerie, not the other way around-- and not wanting to go TOO explicitly religious by having there actually be some sort of dogmatic (har har DOG-matic) text about the God of Animals, I instead lit upon the idea of old poems whose metaphors have been transformed into material gifts. this felt intuitive to me probably largely because I'm Jewish (we're called the People of the Book for a reason lmao, we're all about interpretation and re-interpretation of text) but also, honestly, because the written word is WILDLY IMPORTANT in newsbees. they work at a newspaper! there's a reason the very last words of the story are Blake saying "for the record," which is a reporting pun. in hindsight, however, this is also sort of Sappho-y, which is also neat and, again, shows that ALL the ways I've experienced my own Otherness show up here.

having a text then gave me a scale of orthodoxy to work from, as in "very traditional people still recite these texts in a ceremonial way," but also a background radiation-level casual level of interaction, which is "yeah I leave shells at graves because that's what my parents taught me and I don't even really know why." this also means that all Faunus have the same sort of playbook to work from, regardless of where they're from geographically or what kind of Faunus they are.

once I had that in place, I immediately realized that whatever traditional Mourner's Verse there would be probably would feel kind of insulting re: what happened to the Amitolas, which is why I came up with the Traveler's Verse workaround. and the second I came up with that, I knew I could use it to connect Ghira and Kali back into the text at the end-- I'd been wanting to find a way to do that and hadn't come up with a method.

the first draft of that scene then promptly infodumped every thought I could possibly have about the Verses, immediately. @theseerasures teased me that it read like a Codex entry from Mass Effect, and she was 100% right-- and it totally interrupted the flow of the VERY EMOTIONAL scene with Ilia, which wouldn't do at all.

and that's where the 'writing it all before posting it' thing comes in. that infodumping then became the scene at Doc's in chapter 3. this also solved another problem I had, which was that in the VERY first draft chapters 3 and 4 were one very long chapter. I'd subsequently split them, which left chapter 3 quite short-- but at that point, the moment where Blake is upstairs getting her snack was only a brief explanatory paragraph. moving the Verses stuff back made the chapter a chapter, so it did a lot of heavy lifting for me. wanting the Verses to feel integrated, I also at that point went back and added the engraving on Tukson's door to the prologue, so that it would be seeded in from the start.

which is kind of to say that ALL WRITING IS CHEATING. we get to manipulate circumstances to best suit our needs! callbacks feel elegant and cerebral, but they're actually a very blunt and easy tool to use-- you get tons of mileage out of just establishing something and then bringing it up all the time. I'd already written the thing about Tukson being picky about book damage, and so I let that become a part of the Verses lore by saying it was a Faunus thing, and then doubled down on it with the "throwing the book at Ghira" anecdote.

as for what things mean what, the basic rule I gave for myself is that everything had to be common and easily-obtainable for a community often left impoverished and on the margins. that's why so many of them are food-based, because that's a very "even if we have nothing else, we have THIS" sort of thing. when coming up with the thing that would represent love, I lit upon honey BEFORE i realized "oh duh, lmao, bees" because... I'm an idiot, but luckily I figured it out after a bit. I was very enamored of the idea of it representing not just sweetness, but industry (as in "busy bees"), that love takes steady and determined work. the second I did think it up, the Velvet gag gift ("they're making fun of me") sprang to mind, though ironically it wasn't necessarily tied to the Mantle Bee yet, though that was also already a concept on the page.

probably the hardest thing to come up with was the NOT-honey gift for the epilogue (which ended up being nuts for growth), because I was like... is it a pen and paper for a first job? Is that too bougie? maybe a cute little desk succulent? but what would it represent?

and yeah, that's pretty much how I got there. it was a question of making something specific enough that it would feel authentic, but open-ended enough that I could make up whatever I wanted to suit the moment and have it all feel of a piece. from there, it was just about USING it-- keeping it in the back of my mind in Faunus-related scenes to see if there were ways I could weave it in somehow.

phew! okay I think that's pretty much everything. if anyone is so very enamored of the Verses that they'd like to use them for their own fics, you certainly have my permission to do so (with a link back to Newsbees for credit, please). I'm intrigued to see what you'd do with them! but also, like-- I love how multi-faceted and varied different interpretations of Faunus lore can be, and I'd love to see what y'all come up with for your own systems!

CONSIDER THE GAUNTLET THROWN. HAVE FUN OUT THERE.

<3

#newsbees au #fic what i wrote #rwby

[thepaperpanda]

Broken Yet Reunited || Santiago Garcia x Reader

gif made by Cass - please credit us if you use the gif.

Summary:  Long after your break up, Santiago finds his way back into your life

Warnings: none, just fluff & comforting 

Word count: 2143

Pairing: Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia x fem!reader

Authors: Cass & Rouge

Hundreds of loud conversations competed with the music that dominated the atmosphere in the bar. The audience was mostly young people. Santiago made his way through the crowd to order a drink, a dark local beer. He felt someone melting their body to his from behind before the drink was poured, and he knew you had arrived. "What brings you here, Y/N?" Santi inquired.

"I should ask you that question, Santi," you chuckled as you wrapped your arms around his waist. "I would never think of you as someone who enjoys such places, but I can't blame you… All the young ladies in the room."

Scoffing, he rolled his eyes theatrically. "Stop, that isn't a reason. One for the lady," he ordered a drink for you as well. "How's life treating you? I haven't heard from you in a long time."

You shrugged as you sat on a high chair next to him, patting his shoulder. "Oh, you know, doing my things, popping in and out. This is standard fare. So, how about you? I heard you're doing well."

"Could be better," he said quickly, sipping from his pint. "Been missing ya."

"You? Did you miss me? Do you know how to do it?" You asked, slightly teasingly, tilting your head. "I'm sure your cute contacts or informants are enough for you."

"No, as you can see, Y/N," he said flatly. "You're familiar with my work. I wanted to keep you safe from any potential dangers."

"I'm a mercenary, and you think I'm afraid of some ex-shady soldier's business? My cherished softie," you tease him even more.

He rolled his eyes again as he sipped his beer. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, work is going dry for the time being, so I'm using my free time to rest," you explained, taking a large sip of your drink. "I was shot in the knee a few months ago and am still trying to recover. I'm not going to run a marathon, for sure."

He frowned, disappointed that you didn't even send him a message informing him of the seriousness of the situation. "Do I want to know about the circumstances?"

"Let's call it a team misunderstanding that results in friendly fire. That's all, but I'm still alive, so it's not all bad."

Santiago slowly nodded his head.

"How are things going for you? Was it something like neck surgery? I hope you're not running around doing crazy stuff like I am." Looking at him, you raised an eyebrow.

"I've been trying, but haven't been successful so far," Santiago joked lightly before putting his palm to his nape and smiling sadly at you.

You slid out of your chair and approached him. Your hand soon replaced his on his nape. "I think you enjoy the difficulties more than I do, Santi."

He gave a small smile, leaning into your touch. "Isn't it getting later? Could we get some takeout and come to my house?"

"Are you tired of all the pretty ladies around you?" You laughed and leaned in behind him to kiss his scar. "Takeouts and your establishment? Sounds intriguing."

A shiver ran down his spine and spread throughout his body. He nodded and hummed softly.

"Let me just pay for the drink and we'll be on our way, sweetie." You said this as you kissed his nap again before walking away.

"This one's on me," he said, nodding to the bartender and leaving a few dollars on the counter.

"I'm not returning that money to you." You cautioned him while patting his back.

"I'm not expecting this, babe."

"I'm hoping so, baby." You took his hand in yours and yanked him out of that damn bar.

Then you followed him to wherever he chose to get the food.

Santiago's apartment was small and cluttered, just as you remembered. A single man explained a lot.

"Same place, same shambles. As far as I can tell, nothing has changed." You chuckled as you sat on the couch.

"Sorry, hadn't expected guests," he apologized as he unpacked the food and offered you your portion. Santiago gathered a few boxes and relocated them to the second small room that served as his bedroom.

"You haven't had any visitors since you moved in? This place looks exactly the same after... four? five years? Typical guy," you laughed. "A woman's hand is needed here."

"As you can see, there's no line of women on the horizon," Santiago joked lightheartedly as he joined you on the couch. "I'm delighted you came. I missed the old days."

"I missed them as well," You agreed and moved your legs onto his lap. "If I may say so, this is surprising. You were always the one with the most female informants."

He laughed. "It's not my fault that I'm attractive and women treat me this way."

"Nonetheless, none of them stayed. A slew of bitches... Of course, no offense intended," you said this before you started eating.

"You're talking about yourself as well?"

You raised an eyebrow as you looked up. Things were getting interesting.

"Pardon me? First and foremost, I was not your informant. Second, you ignored me on your own volition, love."

"I told you about my motivation, and if I recall correctly, you sold your mates twice."

"I swear Santi, if we're going to pull dirt on each other, you'll end up with that fork in your eye and you'll never see me again," you warned, playing with a metal fork. "According to what I know, you took four of our buddies to rob a drug lord and only three of them returned, so don't pretend to be a saint, darling."

He rolled his head back, resting it on the back of the couch, and set the food down. "True. It's been a fucking disaster. Tom was far too avaricious."

"He was never perfect. Of course, I don't think he deserved it," you sighed and popped some food into your mouth. After a brief pause, you shrugged slightly. "I have a feeling he didn't even like me. I didn't like him very much; he had a difficult personality."

"I'm afraid he never truly liked anyone," Santiago replied, rising from his seat and walking to the window, where he sat on the windowsill and peered out.

You walked over to him, placing food on the small coffee table you had obtained. You wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled his shoulder without saying anything.

"I'm still not over that fucking failure. I lost a friend, so screw the money."

"I know," you gave him a gentle squeeze while whispering. There was nothing else you could say because nothing you said would make things better. Actually, you've been feeling bad since you brought up the subject.

"Return to eating, darling, it'll get cold," he said, tapping the bridge of your nose. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Yours will as well; I'm not returning to it unless you return to me."

He let you pull him back onto the couch where he was sitting, grabbing the box containing his meal to finish it. "Hey, did you meet anyone?"

"I did, in fact," You nodded and smiled at his slightly disappointed expression. "But don't be concerned, Santiago. You're not going to get a wedding invitation anytime soon. I abandoned him, so I am mostly alone. You? Are you sure you're not keeping some pretty girl from me?"

"I'm not," he assured, more like he'd be assuring himself as well. "No girl could stick with me as long as you actually did." Santiago indeed felt an unpleasant sting in his chest when you mentioned having someone, but thankfully it was a past thing.

You hummed loudly while chewing your food and nodding your head. "Don't give me that look, my tolerance for 'Santiago's bullshit meter' is not too high. It's something I made up with the Millers."

"What?" He cast another glance your way. "Come on, for a change, stop being a jerk."

"I am not a scumbag. If you don't believe it, ask Ben "You lay down and ruffled his hair gently. "You should know that I don't mean it negatively."

"I don't know anymore," Santiago hissed, jolting up, his palm resting on his nape.

"You okay?” You asked worriedly. "That neck, huh? Can I do something?"

"It's fine," he said but it clearly wants fine. He crossed the room to reach the bathroom, and with a shaking hand, he opened the box with pills, instantly swallowing two.

You, of course, followed him, and your palm was gently placed against his nape. "It's really that bad, huh?"

As you looked into his reflection in the mirror, he gave a slight nod and a single tear streamed down his cheek.

"C'mon. We're going to sleep. "The bed is still in the same room?"

He nodded and walked into the small room that served as his bedroom.

You walked alongside him and, once in the bedroom, you removed items from the bed. This man didn't seem to change much. You were the first to lay down when it was finished. "Please come here." You muttered.

He laid down beside you, taking an almost embryonal position, grunting a little with pain.

You moved closer and wrapped your arms around him. "Is there anything else I can do to assist you?"

"It's fine this way," he said quietly, his eyes closed, taking in your warmth and presence.

You nodded and carefully placed your hand on his nape, covering the scar. "Did you miss me that much?"

Santiago silently nodded. "When you spend your entire day alone, you have plenty of time to think. And I've been thinking a lot about what we talked about recently. I missed your presence and the relationship I should have given more thought to. I'm sorry I didn't pursue you."

You wanted to say something, but your knee was acting up, so you hissed. "Fuck..." You stretched your leg in the hope of some relief, muttering more curses. "To be honest, I missed this relationship as well. To be more specific, I missed you, which is probably why I never stayed with anyone. They weren't you."

He rolled onto his back and extended his arm to you. "Come on in, doll. Maybe I should go to the pharmacy and get some pain relievers or ointment? What about your knee?"

You nuzzled closer to him and sighed deeply. "No, I've got mine, but I kind of shoot myself in the knee, pun intended. Because I can't mix them with alcohol, I'll just have to wait." You laughed as you rested your leg on his. "Oh, Santi, we're so broken. "Where have all the good times gone?"

He gently rubbed his palm over your aching knee, whispering soothing sentences into your ear. "I guess they're gone."

"Wow, and I was dubbed the 'team's biggest pessimist,' guess you took after me, huh?" Before looking at him, you moved your hand into his hair, sadly smiling. "Santiago?”

His eyes were closed as he got lost in your touch. "Yes, doll?"

"Let us try to make good again in the coming days. Together. What are your thoughts on this concept?"

"Mhm," Santiago hummed softly, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck, his hand soon stopping rubbing your knee and lying still.

"Santi? Don't leave me like that, sweetie," you kissed the top of his head softly.

He reluctantly opened his eyes and smiled at you. "You're a tease."

"This makes me very happy. I'll be your pillow for as long as you want." You kissed his brow and gently cupped his cheek. "Maybe I should move in since we've already been together?"

"Where do you keep your belongings? I'll go get them for you."

"Well, I live with a friend now, and all my belongings fit into a box and a traveling bag, so I'll get them myself, but I was wondering what you thought about such an idea?"

"I'll make you a room in the wardrobe and the bathroom," he chanted happily.

"So eager suddenly. Look at you. Where is that sleepy pessimist that I was cuddling just a moment ago, huh?” You couldn't help but laugh.

He raised his head and his lips met your jawline.

Turning your head, you smiled and simply kissed him like during good old times.

He hummed softly. "Esta vez no voy a dejar que te vayas de nuevo."

"I hope so. Try it and I will kick your ass before leaving," you warned him with a short laugh.

#santiago garcia x reader #santiago garcia imagine #santiago garcia fanfiction #santiago ‘pope’ garcia x reader #santiago ‘pope’ garcia x you #santiago garcia x you #triple frontier #triple frontier x reader #triple frontier imagine #triple frontier fanfiction #fic rec #fic recs #writers on tumblr #oscar isaac imagine

[itsclydebitches]

I'm ngl I feel kinda afraid to mention any positive aspects abt the show bc it feels abit nowadays like you just, can't enjoy it anymore. Like no matter what RWBY does you won't be happy and any positive aspects mentioned you'd find a way to turn into something bad or Not Good Enough and idk I love most of your essays but that kinda throws me off. I just wish you were able to watch it a bit less... Against It. Hating it is fine, I hate it, it's a horribly written horribly paced mess with awful characters, awful humour and the worst voice acting in the industry, but I can unapologetically appreciate when a good scene happens and it feels like you can't, or at least can't without adding 50 asterisks and conditionals and ways it could be better. IDK it makes me a bit sad sometimes, since you dedicate so much time to this.

I feel you, anon, though we've known this was coming for years. Unlike a collection of short stories or other, separated media, the longer RWBY makes mistakes the more future content is going to suffer. Four years past where I personally think the show started having serious issues, yeah, there's more to criticize than praise (imo, obviously) and I'm not inclined to pretend otherwise. You say yourself, "I hate it, it's a horribly written, horribly paced mess with awful characters, awful humor, and the worst voice acting in the industry" so honestly I'm a little confused as to where you think these good scenes are that I'm missing. If the plot, tone, characters, humor, and acting all suck, what are we left with? And if you "hate" the show, why would you expect others to find more to praise?

Personally, I feel like I do appreciate the good scenes when we see them, but yeah, they're going to come with those 50 asterisks because, as said, everything is interconnected. If the show does a good job depicting Ruby's grief over Penny, I'm still going to question why we didn't get that when she first died. If the show nails an awesome "I'm still just small" line from Little, that unfortunately makes all the terrible humor surrounding it that much more apparent. My recaps strive to unpack all the aspects that I see, which means that after years of missteps the good stuff is coming with a huge load of baggage. For me, it would be a serious misrepresentation of the text to go, "Wow, Weiss hitting herself in the head with a rock sure was funny! Good on RWBY for writing such a comedic scene" and just ignore the context of that interrupting Ruby's grief because I don't want my recaps to be too mean. These recaps aren't going to RT. They're not written with the intention coaxing a writer towards improvement without breaking their spirit. There's absolutely no reason why I should pull punches - say less than everything I'm thinking - especially in a fandom that already works so hard to paint RWBY as better than I personally think it is.

I'm not going to insult you by assuming your intentions, but frankly I really dislike this whole 'It's so sad you can't enjoy the show anymore, you've dedicated so much to this, what's the point if you're not praising it?' perspective. I've heard it a lot over the years and 99% of the time it's sanctimonious nonsense. Again, I'm not accusing you of that, anon, just acknowledging that a lot of people have tried to "help" me over the years not because they care, but because they don't want anyone criticizing RWBY and have realized that outright attacks haven't worked. But the reality is that you don't know me, or what I get out of RWBY, or what's an enjoyable way for me to spend my time. It's totally fine - and understandable - if you're upset that my recaps have grown more and more critical over the years, but the answer to that discomfort is to stop reading them. There's no constructive criticism to offer here, just an implied request for me to lie and say that I think the show is better written than it actually is... which isn't going to happen. You shouldn't be "afraid" to mention a positive take - the fandom is 99% positive takes - and if you don't like the idea of sending in an ask and me potentially disagreeing, there are thousands of other RWBY content creators who will give you an enthusiastic response. Yeah, it sucks that you can't read recaps overflowing with praise and it sucks that I can't write them, but that's due to RWBY making those major mistakes and allowing them to snowball for half a decade. As said, you claim to "hate" the show and provided a long list of its broad and far-reaching problems, anon. You should thus understand that the problem here is in RWBY being really badly written, not me acknowledging that it's really badly written.

#rwde #rwby #mymetas

[iwannaban0nym0us]

Ok, i've had a hell of a weekend (in a good way for once!)

So we had an off season robotics comp this past weekend and most of the senior leads couldn't make it so I was in charge of fabrication on my own for the first time,,,

Anyway, we barely had any time leading up to the comp and our telescoping arm was broken from the end of last season and so fab was like "ok, let's just duct tape it and do cube shooting" but design was very against that and decided to come in during lunches to get it done, and every time they would complain about it or push back the deadline fab would suggest to duct tape it

Now cut to Friday morning (day of load-in): I have a class in the shop and I find 2 design people still trying to fix the arm (that they supposedly fixed last week) and apparently it was fixed but it broke the day before and they just like didn't tell anyone

Now while that is still happening I have to go to my block 2 class and have a test, yay!

Next, lunch, that was a lot:

me and 2 friends had to practice our presentation that we were to give the next day at the comp about our team's outreach

then we see a message that says that programming hasn't finished packing so we go to check in on them and they are just finishing up packing

and then we stop by the shop again and find design still trying to fix the arm, and this time we bring a programmer with us to again try to convince them to just duct tape the arm (they say no and that it'll be done in 5min, it was not done in 5min)

after that I finally have time to eat but idk where my friends have gone but I do end up finding M on their own in the courtyard and so I go talk to them while I eat

I end up finding out that they just realized that A most likely does like them (romantically), and uh that's not something they're excited about

and so I give them an excuse to avoid A the rest of lunch and just talk to me and I also mention that the robotics comp is at the high school really close to their house and if they wanted to I'd be happy if they came

first class after lunch I have calc and at this point I have not had a break all day and so since my calc teacher spent the entire time talking to the board and going over the hw I end up just skipping half of class and it was an all around win-win scenario because, I missed nothing, he didn't care, I got a bit of a break, and I helped out some friends who had physics that block

then i've got one more class and it's pretty chill and i'm able to leave a few min early to go to the shop and start packing

then 3-4pm I frantically pack the van (w/ help) and try to make sure we don't leave anything behind and I also task some people w/ collecting tools from shop (since we can't do that till last minute because they're needed for classes. At this point as far as i'm aware the robot is working

then once we get there we have 5 of us to unpack all of the heavy stuff and move it all the way to the pit and get it all set up and all of that

and then,,, I find out that the arm is not working and so I try again to convince design to duct tape it but instead they spend at least another 30min trying to get it to work

at like 6pm they're supposedly almost done and so we put our team in for inspection and while we're getting inspected the inspector tries to trick us w/ a typo and we don't call him out because we're all too polite to flat out tell him he's wrong

after that we get part of the arm working but then find a new problem that they keep trying to fix until about 7pm when they FINALLY give up on the arm and agree to duct tap it so that we can go to a practice match

the practice match goes horribly wrong, everyone has a new role (except one guy) and so I don't realize that I know more about what needs to happen than other people (because I barely know what I should be doing) and so we forget how to set up our robot before the match and also don't plug in our controls right, but we do make it to a match and back to the pit just barely before 8 so that's something

unfortunately the day doesn't end there,,, I end up speing from like 8-10 coordinating getting 3 people to give a presentation the next day because the seniors who were supposed to give it were sick/not going in the first place so that was a mess

at like 11pm i finally go to bed (after literally doing stuff nonstop all day)

and then the next morning i'm back at comp at 7:15!

our programmers end up showing up just barely before our first match queuing time, along w/ the guy that might be able to get the arm to work, and so the arm stays duct taped

our first match i let the other guy human player (a drive team role) but I end up having to go up and make sure they do the pre-match stuff right and don't make the same mistakes as friday, oh and after the match they forget to turn the robot off

then for the 2nd match since stuff didn't go so great in the first one i human player and everything goes smoothly

as soon as that is over i have to go give that presentation on outreach which went pretty good

the rest of the morning is spent playing matches w/ a duct taped arm but in between matches people keep trying (and then giving up) on fixing the arm, then finally give up for good at lunch

then that afternoon M ends up coming and they watch a match w/ me explaining what is going on and then I show them around the pit and also the follow me to a strategy talk and then we play one more match (which I human player) and then M has to go, but it was really fun to hang out w/ them and things finally feel really good between us

the rest of the afternoon is pretty chill (which is good because the day wore me out) and we play one more match and then i go home at 5 and crash

and then the next morning i'm back at 7:15!

the morning starts of chill, lots of down time not that we'd given up on the arm, and we play a match that goes about as well as it can while still losing

then we have a match that doesn't go as well,,, we get hit hard and pull out some wires which cut power to half of our motors and then we have a very fast turn around time before our next match but we make it work, by the end of that we're ranked 37/42 which isn't as bad as we did during regular season but it's also not great

after that we have a bit of downtime before alliance selection, during alliance selection we're doubting we'll be picked but we don't rule it out entirely, AND THEN WE GET PICKED AS THE 3rd TEAM FOR ALLIANCE 2 (meaning we're with 2 of the best teams but also we were the 23 team picked out of the 24 teams picked, but then again this is better than the team has done since 2018!!!!!!)

as soon as that is done the tech leads go back to pit and i reinforce duct tape in a few spots and then I come back to talk to the drive team to hear the plan, then I rush to eat lunch well spam texting people and being very :DDDDDDDD

then the afternoon is hella hectic, we play 4 more matches, in the first one we lose because the alliance captain has their battery on the floor the whole match and we also have some wiring issues but at least our battery stays in the bot, after that they want to trade us off the team but we convince them to let us stay and we win the next 2 matches

and then for the last match (quarterfinals i think?) they tell us not to do much during the game because they think we'll get in the way, and guess what, we end up losing that match, so then we go pack up the pit so loading the van at the end of the day will be faster

so then we chill a bit and watch awards and once everything wraps at 4 we load the van and I finally get home at like 5 and can crash

i'm so glad that i had monday tuesday off because i could sleep in and like recover (oh and also do hw :/)

anyway i had a college board test today and then got to hang out w/ my friends for a bit and grab lunch before I came home to finish my hw, but really i'm chilling, my friends are doing ok, me and M are doing good, and i'm def still riding that robotics high

the lesson we really really really need to learn is that when we used the complicated arm that broke a ton we didn't do great but when we duct taped the arm and focused on one thing and made it simpler WE GOT PICKED FOR PLAYOFFS

#me #school #robotics #M #A #friends #ex #ex girlfriend

[spaceorphan18]

Have you listened to any glee podcasts other than Kevin and Jenna’s (and yours)?

Or do you have any general podcast recommendations?

I listen to podcasts all the time! I don't listen to any other Glee ones -- tbh, I think they'd drive me (more or less) crazy. That's no shade on the people making them -- apparently, there are some good ones out there? But I'd just get too annoyed if they got a detail wrong, or if I couldn't debate a position, so I usually stay away.

But... here's what I'm subscribed to! (Besides Kevin and Jenna's)

All About Agatha - Yes, that's right, I listen to a podcast where the hosts talk about everything Agatha Christie has ever written. This podcast is all around wonderful. Unfortunately, one of the hosts passed away recently, which is sad, but the other host is continuing on. They go into more than just Agatha Christie and discuss various aspects of detective fiction, too.

The NYT Book Review & Poured Over (The BN Podcast) - I don't listen to these a whole lot, but I have them more so for work related podcasts. But if you want book reviews of new books in a more commercialized setting - these fit the bill.

Pod Meets World - Three of the stars of the 90s show Boy Meets World break down their time on the show and watch an episode each week. I can't stress this enough, this might be my favorite podcast right now. Not only are they really open to their experiences - but they talk in depth about all aspects of the show - from the story itself to all of the behind the scenes stuff. It's really amazing.

Office Ladies - I'm sure a lot of people know this one - Angela Kinsey and Jenna Fischer from the office break down an episode week by week. I do love this one a lot. But as we're nearing the end of the series, I get a sense that both Angela and Jenna are, maybe, beginning to get a little tired of it. (No shade on them, and it's just a feeling I'm picking up.) They spend more time going down deep dive rabbit holes than talking about the episodes. I still enjoy it, and I do think they're both wonderful people. Another great podcast for learning the ins and outs as to what make a tv show.

Star Talk - With Neil DeGrasse Tyson. It's all about science! And I love learning about science. I've been listening to this one the longest.

Jay and Miles Xplain the X-Men - I've also been listening to this for years, too. The hosts started back in the silver age, and have been unpacking and reading every X-Men and X-Men related comic book ever written. It's been about a decade and they're nearing the end of the 90s. It's really cool for anyone wanting to find an in into X-Men comics.

Double Love - @constantcompanion This is the Sweet Valley High break down podcast I mentioned earlier. These two women (who are about ten years older than I am) have been reading through every SWH book ever. And bless them. They discuss them with a great amount of humor

Dawson's Critique - Two women hosts rewatch all of Dawson's Creek. The cool thing is that they're my age, and experienced DC at the same time I did - which is cool. But kind of like how I view DC now, I can only take so much of it at a time. It's a solid podcast, but I have to be in a mood to listen to it.

Zack to the Future - which is on permanent hiatus. This is the one where Mark-Paul Gosselaar and a comedy writer named Dashiell Driscoll watched old Saved by the Bell episodes. It was... hit and miss, tbh. MPG seemed a bit uncomfortable doing it, but always at least had interesting things to say. Driscoll, though, was a terrible co-host. I feel bad for the guy - because he knew he was getting skewered online, but he had zero chemistry with MPG, and didn't seem like he knew what he was doing half the time. *shrugs*

The Tolkien Professor - I don't listen to this one that often, just more or less have it as a reference -- but the host is an actual professor of literature who really, really deep dives into Tolkien. It's sometimes more or less like taking a college course in Tolkien.

So, that's pretty much it -- amazing, i kind of listen to things that break down other stories and dive into story telling. I'm sure y'all are surprised.

I do have Darren's podcast downloaded, but i've never listened to it. Idk. Plus, I have random episodes of other podcasts - like all the ones Chris has been on. :)

If you guys have any good ones - let me know!

#podcast #podcast recommendations #i wonder if anyone will be interested in any of these #lol #they are however so me

[runthepockets]

I've been thinking a lot about "the war on masculinity" today and I came to this conclusion: I don't believe there's any grand war being waged on it, or that men are being "pussified", or whatever, but I do have reservations and resentment toward anything that boils down to "if men would just embrace their feminine sides and paint their nails and wear pink and show their soft sides more, everything would be perfect!" and nothing beyond that.

Look. I like stuffed animals, and chick flicks. There was a point in my life where I was a "boy with long hair" (I had dreads and cornrows till I was like, 14) I tell my little brothers and my dad and my roommate and my friends and pretty much everyone I love in my life that I love them and miss them and am proud of them and when I'm sad or insecure like, every day. I'm chill with dudes who like makeup and skirts and pink stuff, and wholeheartedly believe there's merit and letting these guys know they're as sexy and desirable as any flannel wearing, beefed up dude. I'll admit that there was a point in my life where I was that of your standard homophobic middle school straight boy where I turned my nose up at / mocked guys like that, but now I'm older and wiser and learned better and I have no ill will or condescending remarks or anything to say toward them. I know all that soft stuff pretty intimately, and feel no shame in admitting anything of it.

That said: I still kinda hate the idea that in order to be seen as "nonthreatening" I gotta divulge all of these things about myself. I won't say it's a large scale issue, or whatever, but I do sense the hesitation when I see people recommending that men who worry about their positions as patriarchs under patriarchy and what that means for the women and kids and gay people in their lives, who have never explicitly expressed any prior interest in experimenting with their presentation or interests or genders, simply "accept the feminine side they're so obviously in denial of" as the solution to combatting the capitalist white supremacist patriarchy and the rigid gender roles they're beholden to rather than, like, advising those guys to pick what they like about their current interest / presentations and shirking off all the bits that come off as chauvanistic (IE: I'm a heterosexual, working class dude from the south. I like guns, I like fancy pocket knives, gritty rock music, I like old school muscle cars and 90s pickup trucks and doing shit with my hands. I'm also black and a huge nerd, and am fully aware that these subcultures are very gatekeep-y toward women and gay people, let alone myself as another straight dude solely because of the color of my skin, so I just treat everyone that shows any interest in them the same as I would any other dude.) and simply proceeding on as you were before.

Again, I think it's great that men are very openly wearing skirts and painting their nails and watching magical girl animes, and stuff. That shit is wicked, and I know the occassional "friendly reminder that it's ok for boys to be soft" or "I love boys who've undergone the trials and tribulations of unpacking toxic masculinity, I feel so safe around them" post is helping more than it hurts, and generally isn't the grander opinion society draws to and needs to be said as a result. But also.....idk man, you can't be telling me the only way to escape hegemonic masculinity as a man is by being more like Harry Styles. Or by telling girls you listen to Pop Music and cry over Disney movies. Like even in a world without patriarchy, that's not going to be most men. Even under patriarchy, that's not all women. That's not a sustainable mindset. This can't be all there is. Surely there's a way to enjoy action movies and archery as a man without alienating the marginalized people around you or having to compromise yourself.

[100dayproductivity]

93/100.

Grief Days 10-14.

Two weeks Tumblr! It's been exactly two weeks since I had to say goodbye to my cat forever. I have made it through these two weeks okay and I feel I should acknowledge myself for that.

Let's take stock.

I've gotten over the initial deep sadness of seeing my cat take his last breath. I am starting to get used to him not being around. (Just starting to; I still have a long way to go.)

My other cat is also grieving in his own way. I've noticed that he has been more clingy, wanting to be around me almost all the time. He is not generally a cuddler, never wants to be in your lap, but these past two weeks he settles down beside me as close to me as possible without actually being in my lap. He and his brother napped together all the time, always cuddling up to each other, especially during the winter months. So I think he definitely misses the company of his besty. I am trying my best to reassure him and make him feel safe and loved, and that helps heal my heart.

I've gotten over the initial deep sadness of my eldest leaving home for university. It seems that a community of her fellow students already started to form in the two days before classes even started, so she has not been feeling alone as far as I can gather. She has unpacked and settled into her little dorm room, sent me a video of what it looks like, so I can picture what her mornings and evenings will look like as she studies and relaxes, and this gives me comfort. We have texted almost daily, usually in the evenings before bed, and we will soon fall into a new rhythm of communication as she settles into her class schedule and establishes her daily routine.

My youngest got through his first day of high school without any pomp or circumstance. I asked whether he was nervous or excited and he said he was neither, so I think he will quickly adjust to the new school year. During the couple of days between his sister leaving home and the first day of school, we spent some nice quality time together. It was a different dynamic without his sister present. Different but nice. I can see how he is quickly maturing and how I am quickly adjusting to being a different kind of mother to this boy who is becoming a young man. I am still grieving the end of being a mother to little ones, but I'm beginning to feel joyful about being a mother to adults. I will still have moments of deep grief, I'm sure, but maybe less intense and less often with time.

Still looming on the horizon is my ex's wish to move my son overseas with him. I have received encouraging counsel and support from my lawyer, so I'm tentatively hopeful that things will work out without any raging battles.

I've just realized that another thing weighing heavy on my heart right now is my living situation. I'm beginning to feel like it's time for me to move house. The location and size of my house was amazing when my kids were little, but more and more now I'm beginning to wonder whether it still makes sense for me to continue living here. If I was awash in wealth it wouldn't be a question, but I'm not, and it's getting less and less affordable for me to live here. Did you know that moving is among the most stressful life events? It's right up there with death of a loved one and divorce. So yeah, yet another facet of this grief I am feeling. The challenge for me here is that I have a lot of clutter. The thought of having to move gives me a huge amount of anxiety. It would be less if I got organized and cleared stuff out. Which actually is the initial reason I started this blog. But the need to declutter and clean up has felt more urgent these past two weeks.

All of this and more is what makes me feel on the verge of a panic attack. Still going to continue with the increased anxiety medication dosage!!

#100 days of productivity #100dop #grief journal #dealing with grief #grief #grieving #loss of pet #empty nest #parenting #anxiety #panic attack #panic disorder

[clubatsumu]

we used to share his tiffin when he hurt his knee and missed clubs. he hated missing sports it but i spent mornings with him talking about everything. now we say hi to each other in the hallways and he's seeing past me. i'm too boring for him, i've realised.

loll i just feel like crap lately 😔👍 how about something with sunarin? i remember u had that romcom series (deskmate suna?) with him n i just need.. a pick me up? sorry if i spammed. love ur stuff tho!

this took an awfully long time lol. hope you feel better soon. the situation youre in is nuts lmao i cant even imagine being in your shoes SO this is all i can do to help and i hope this makes u feel a tiny bit better :)

"it's the retrograde." you nod, closing your eyes and leaning your head back the cheap fluff of the infirmary pillows, the thin scratch of its lime green pillowcase.

suna rintaro is sixteen years old, and he's never heard of that word in his life. he blinks up at the ceiling. "the... what?"

“the retrograde. it’s why you’re so”-- you motion at his body with your eyes– “off-kilter.”

“the gatorade?" he questions again.

“retrograde, genius. it’s when mercury looks like it’s going backwards in its orbit, because it's, like, faster than earth, which makes us think the world is going backwards. it messes up everything.”

you are replied to with nothing but a doubtful, “sure.”

it smells like disinfectant and the cheapest detergent in the store. there’s nothing but the soft hum of birds outside the bright infirmary windows, the whir of the rickety ceiling fan, and the pasty almost-summer morning breeze until –

“my parents divorcing can’t be because of mercury.” suna sputters, topic hanging heavy in the air. 

it's almost comical, the way he does it. everything is comical with him, on a scale so small it’s almost microscopic. the way he says the most ridiculous things. the way he knows the most ridiculous things. the way he has the most ridiculous assumptions about girls. 

he’s kind of ridiculous, and not just in the intrinsic way sixteen year olds can be. his brand stretches further, and without real rhyme or reason, you’re sure he’ll be ridiculous twelve years from now. 

“then what else could it be because of?” you ask, wide-eyed. “don’t forget your twisted ankle, your concussion, and the four stitches you need on your hand. the only good thing is it isn’t your right.” you shift so that you’re leaning on your elbow, body twisting until you’re facing his bed while you occupy your own right beside it. “what could possibly explain your life being this much of a disaster?”

he shifts defensively. “jeez, it’s not a disaster…” he trails off though, because it kind of is. bodily injury is one thing now that pro teams are scouting, but his mother cheating on his father is another separate, larger bag of bones for him to unpack. 

fun. 

“good thing i don’t live at home, eh?”

you hum, knowing he lives with his aunt here. come to think of it, you know a lot of things about him ever since… well… ever since – look, you’re not proud, but the only reason why you know each other is because the two of you have constant aches and pains… or so you say. you know you’re lying everytime you clutch your stomach, stagger inside the familiar sliding doorway, and say to the nurse, “i’m not feeling so well,” and she rushes you to a bed and gives you a painkiller pill you don’t drink. 

your stomach aches at exactly 2 o’clock, geometry period.

the first time the two of you met, it was when you were already lying on the cot, scrolling through your phone, your mouth playing with the menthol candy you bought from the cafeteria at lunchtime, hugging your pillow. minutes later, from outside the curtain separating you from the world, the doors slid open again, and a voice said, “migraine,” before the cot next to yours got occupied with a boy-grunt and sigh. 

the cots are separated by these semi-sheer-kind-of-not curtains, and when he opened the one between you, you saw suna rintaro for the first-ish time. you’ve seen him around, sure, but the two of you had separate everythings. to be honest, he wasn’t the kind of guy you’d be friends with. something about him radiated very strong woman-hater energy, at least to you. maybe it was the dark undereyes or that he hung around the twins. everyone knew that the twins weren’t fun to be around unless you liked your underwear being pulled up your asscrack. 

“sorry,” he said in a voice that was exactly what you imagined it to be. “thought no one was here.” then the curtains closed with a swish between you. 

“did you know my grandmother is a shaman?” you ask him now. you tap your fingers on your stomach in a steady rhythm of the radio jingle.

“do you know how to… do that stuff… you know, like the praying? dancing?”

“yep,” you pop the p. “i’ve been training since i was a little kid.”

“that’s nice.”

if the attendance logbook was in the infirmary, you and suna rintaro would be star fucking students. 

you saw each other all the time, and like a liar recognizes another one, the two of you kept making excuses that were more desperate  than the last. it evolved from a headache to a toothache to i feel like my appendix might burst, nurse, but i swear, i don’t need the doctor, i just need to rest here for a while and i think i have an ulcer.

there is always a war on who gets to have the bed nearest the window. so, in camaraderie maybe, you say: “my grandma would tell you to let things happen. problems are like waves. some are huge, some not so much, but all waves are impermanent. if you ride all your waves, it won’t matter whether you fall of or stay on top of them, you’ll still end up in the water.”

he blinks, you see from the corner of your vision. his body’s dancing subconsciously to the beat, his bicep flexing from the way he’s reaching up the pillow under his head to hug it. “is it because she’s a shaman? she’s so at peace?”

“it’s because she thinks no one is worth her time. she chased her neighbor with a fork, once.”

that earns you another blink. “you’re kidding.”

“i’m not." you snort. "i’m really not." you admit, "my parents are divorced too, that’s why i live with my grandma.”

“how’d that go?” “i get two presents on my birthday. i have step-siblings on both sides, but i think all of them want nothing to do with me, which is fine, to be honest – i don’t like them all that much either. it sucked at first. i was ten. but then… their life is theirs, mine is mine. they can do whatever the fuck they want with it.”

that sounded way angrier than you intended it to be. you’re sure he notices, if his “huh” is anything to go by.

“well…” you admit, “sometimes i’m still angry. but whatever. nothing we can do can stop it.”

“yeah. we can’t stop it.”

his words are measured, like he’s already somewhere else and only a fraction of his attention is on you. you hum, “can’t control it.”

“can’t control it,” he repeats.

“do you ever get scared of how out of control everything is?”

“no.”

of course he doesn’t, you roll your eyes. the jingle fades, and a commercial about a hardware store comes on. “i thought so.”

“life’s a wave,” he says. oddly, you think you helped.

“life’s a wave,” you repeat.

.

“ohayo.” he salutes you in the hallway. you’re a class ahead of him, but you’re really not much better in the student rankings. the two of you are in the same tier, sit in the same proverbial table of nonchalant students that don’t really plan on going to a fancy university or being an alumni success story. 

“hey-o.” you offer a fist, which he bumps with his own. 

suna is your kind-of friend. 

a friend you talk to about things that don’t revolve around sentences like is this cute? i swear, tampons are way easier than pads. what about my hymen? do you think a tampon is as big as a dick? 

you love your friends, truly, with all of your heart, and these conversations are fine. but you and suna talk about – 

“what if pewdiepie stops uploading videos?” 

– which really isn’t better than your girlfriends, but…

none of them hate geometry as much as you do. you answer, “you’ll probably shake and throw up and have the sweats. go through withdrawals.” 

“true,” he agrees. you know he’s playing said channel on his phone. you can hear it because the only setting his earphones are ever on is blasting, so you hear his english drawl from a cot away. 

you rub your socks back and forth the sheets like a snow angel without snow, nothing else to do. 

.

“what are you gonna do in the future?”

he never asks about the future. you’re not sure the word is really in his vocabulary. after that talk about life being a wave, every minor inconvenience he was met with, you’ve heard him mutter wave, wave, life’s a wave – so no one can blame you if you think he plans on being unemployed. 

“i’ll be a cinematographer.” you pause, surprised. “wow. that’s the first time i’ve said that out loud.”

you have no clue how that came out. you haven’t told anyone about it, just made them believe you’re still figuring things out even though you already had, since you were thirteen. 

“oh wow.” is his only reply. you want to retract it suddenly, that piece of yourself you’ve shared only with him. it’s funny how he didn’t even try, and yet – he knows your secret, and he doesn’t even know the gravity of it.

you bite your candy. “you think i can’t do it?” to be honest, you sometimes think you can’t too. there are a lot of people in this world, and what kind of special do you think you are to hold the place you want? fucking suna. 

“nah. i just didn’t think you liked movies.”

“i do. i just don’t talk ‘bout them to anyone because…” you trail off lamely.

he casts a glance your way. “you don’t mean, like, a cinematographer for… porn… right?”

you tilt your head deeply, frowning. 

“just making sure.” he waves a hand in the air, as if to waft away the discomfort. “what kind of movies do you like?”

“dunno. the usual. hitchcock. nolan. scorsese, but i don’t like goodfellas all that much.” you frown more, not knowing what he’s going to say next. he’s probably going to say ah, and change the topic. you shift in your cot, embarrassed to be talking about this – you already have and no one really gets it the way you do, they all just say ah and move on. it’s a waste of time, really.

“i like psycho. i like the birds more though. don’t know why. so, you're gonna be like hitchcock? like, suspense shit?”

oh, your mouth parts.

oh wow. 

to be completely honest, you didn’t expect suna rinataro the transfer student to be the one to tell your deepest darkest secret, and there was an even lesser expectation that he’d understand. something sparks inside you. something akin to appreciation for him, that the stars collided and put his soul into a vessel of bones and blood and skin, delivered him right beside you in the infirmary of inarizaki high.

you blast him a brilliant smile. “no. not at all! i want to make stuff like yasujiro ozu.”

.

suna tells you tokyo story made him feel so lonely that he couldn’t finish it. you nod enthusiastically, talking his ear off about how there were so many lines that encase the characters in the frames that they seem to never be able to get out, does that make sense? how singularity is the root of interpersonal struggle?

he looks at you funny, with a huff to his nose, a tilt to his lips, no, it doesn’t.

. 

on a wednesday, the door opens again, but it’s not his voice that wafts up the air, into the brrr of the fan, the static of the low radio drama that the nurse is listening to. 

it’s miya atsumu that says, “i think i sprained my wrist.”

you try to quell the disappointment blooming in your chest. 

.

the next week, the nurse resigns. rumor has it that she’s moving to the states with her american boyfriend. the new nurse who replaces her doesn’t fall for your headache rouse, and neither does she fall for the appendix excuse. the moment you say it, she looks at you gravely, saying without having to say, you try that shit with me and your grandmother’s hearing about it. 

you attend geometry class for the rest of the year.

when you and suna pass each other in the hallway, he looks at you sourly, and you understand. you mimic it all back. no more infirmary for the two of you. 

.

when you turn seventeen – when everyone who was sixteen turns seventeen, really – the relationship between you and rintaro gets threadbare. like a shirtsleeve seam that’s being rubbed everywhere, time maybe, different interests, different groups, all compound to the friction that creates the heat that separates the two of you. but unlike heat, nothing is remarkable about the way the two of you stop talking. you just… do. 

you and suna are kind of like tokyo story. within rooms, looking in through doors, but never out of them. 

an unremarkable relationship marked by an unremarkable end. 

.

.

.

you meet the old nurse – the good nurse, the nurse who understood that students shouldn’t sit through geometry if they didn’t want to – again when you are twenty-eight, scrambling for the subway in new york, not knowing shit about the stops. you’re carrying a tripod in your arms, a sling bag full of camera equipment secured across your body. 

nothing’s changed about her, except maybe the appearance of a few white hairs near her hairline that weren’t there ten years ago. she tells you, “i remember you,” and suddenly you are a student again, even though you haven’t been for a while. you smile at her politely, thinking it’d be weirder if she didn’t, seeing as you were in her clinic almost daily. 

“you used to have short hair.” she says. 

“ah, yes, that’s right.”

she narrows her eyes, “and you used to come in with that boy. you and he were chatterboxes, weren’t you? yapping all the time with each other. are you keeping in touch with him?”

it’s been a while since you thought about him, but without a slither of a doubt, you know she’s talking about suna rintaro. “oh, i haven’t talked to him for a long time now. how have you been?”

you look around the cart, seeing a burst of color. there is no monotony here, but somehow, the individualism creates a sense of comfort, a sense of safety knowing no one cares if your hair is firetruck red. they're all reading their books, scrolling through their phones, listening and looking far away. only you and the old nurse are in the cart.

“the same. i’m surprised to see you here.”

“for work." you admit. " and only for a year, and then i’ll go back to japan.”

“ah,” she says, looking at the flickering light above. then she starts gathering her things. “it will be my stop soon. it’s good to see you.”

.

seeing the nurse was a prophecy, your grandmother would say. or at least, a prelude to something. because when you come back to japan, not a week later you see suna again. 

he wasn’t a missing piece – not the way your best friends would have been if you’d lost touch – but still, there’s a deep seated longing in your bones that hits you so forcefully when you see the side of his head again. a kind of time loop that reverts you back to when you last talked, a nostalgia for all the years that passed, for something you’ve forgotten and recently remembered.

you’re in a hospital emergency room. for an ulcer.

the curtain opens, and there he is. a flicker of surprise mars his features for a second before the nurse closes the curtains again. 

you shift in your bed, wondering if that was really him. it can’t have been. 

the curtain opens again, the sound of metal on metal, and all the questions die in your throat.

“hi,” he says to you. 

you manage to give him a smile. “hello.”

“how are you?” you don’t remember him to be this enthusiastic when you left high school. you have a feeling nothing’s changed, and this anomaly is caused by your sudden reappearance into his life. you know the feeling well.

“i’m okay.” other than the ulcer. “you?”

“great.” other than the obvious cast on his foot. 

“what happened to you?” he asks. he's still ridiculous, nothing has changed, you think in awe.

“ulcer,” you reply. “or so they say. you?”

he lifts his left foot. nothing prepares you for what he says next. a wry smile. “mercury retrograde.”

it’s probably karma that landed the two of you here after so long, in an actual emergency room. still, you can’t help but feel that this is a beginning, a proper one. picking up an open-ended sentence and starting a new page. 

#suna x reader #suna rintaro x reader

[antpernas]

10/14/22

It's been a while!

As such (and as always), I'm not sure where I want to begin. But yet again, it seems like the easiest way to start is typing out some bullets :)

Bought a Macbook Pro!! Very fun purchase to make, and was presently surprised at the lightened burden on my wallet after getting an unexpected tuition refund shortly after :D I still have yet to make full use of it, but I have had some with VSCode and Garageband. Also got around to organizing a lot of my hard drive and old photos, which took way less time than it would've on my Surface Pro! I'm now overcoming (slowly but surely) my long-held grudge against Apple.

Starting talking to this guy I matched with in D.C. over text, he's pretty cool!

Went on a date with a very sweet Brazilian man here in Miami, we chatted in Portuguese the whole time. I'm hoping to see him again!

Lost my dad's wallet at a Home Depot (somehow)

Lost (and recovered!) my wallet at a state park (and I'm slowly accepting the fact that I lose a lot of stuff)

Bought some new jewelry finally! I got new septums and I have yet to order the matching earrings :D

Met my music friend after two years of texting, he's cool! (But also really mean)

Met a bunch of cool cats from UM Frost, they are the best! Also went to the Wharf for the first time with them and one of my own friends from FIU, super cool!

Been playing a bunch of Splatoon 3 (though I missed the first Splatfest since I went up to WPB with my cousins that weekend)

School is going alright, I passed all the midterms that have been graded thus far so I'm feeling good! I do want to start putting more time into studying though (that week and the week preceding really threw me off my routine)

Started reading Homestuck again... truly incredible

Lots of cool music as always, and I'm trying to follow a new system to listen to a specific genre of music each day (with fun names to go along for each one!)

I think that's about it?

I also have been meaning to just jot this down. Part of me wants to be brief and just spit it out, part of me wants to give full context and really get into the meat and potatoes of it... But I think for now I'll just do the former and save the rest for another post.

Long story short, I've been thinking a lot about one of the guys who ghosted me a good while back. And for the past few days, for some reason, it's been eating at me. I've been mulling on it a lot, and I honestly, though, don't think it has much to do with him specifically. It's urging me to look at my life, and I'm questioning now whether or not I'm really happy/content, and whether or not I'm really accomplishing what it is I know I want to do with my life. It also is urging me to look at my sexual trauma, but that's something I'm more reluctant to admit to and begin to unpack. But I also think it's just been a bad week. Yesterday and today were better, and I didn't really think of him much, so I'm not stressing. I'm trying to remind myself even if I were to keep having thoughts about him, that's okay, and we all heal at our own paces.

But ok! That's it for now. Kisses and be safe :D

#mydiary