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#this has been really therapeutic for me
shokupanko · 7 months
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Today is Mayu Monday! ~(‾⌣‾~)
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snoos-tattoos · 3 months
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- A M N E S I A -
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moeblob · 1 year
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sobbing at every heart event ...
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todayisafridaynight · 6 months
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seonhee and sawashiro both being associated with purple's the most evil shit in the world now who the fuck am i supposed to put in my purple card holder
#snap chats#sorry guys im one of those girlies who are super into card holders now </3 esp the ones you can customize </3#highkey i got this cause i wanted to put my school id in it so i didnt have to take my wallet out every time i needed to get in my buildin#BUT ON THE LOWEST OF KEYS I GOT IT TO BE MENTALLY ILL TOO i was obsessed watchin people journal and make cute card holders#i dont get recc'd those vids anymore but i remember watchin em an bein like MAN i wanna do that.... thats so cute..#on the real i think card holder customizing's healthy for me. it helps me learn to use things i buy LMAO#CAUSE WITH STICKERS AND THE SORT I HOARD THEM AND NEVER USE EM#and i always get buyer's guilt even if it's something small so i just think. i have to learn letting go and things not being perfect is ok#YOU BOUGHT IT SO USE IT like those ishin colognes... like the scent'll fade anyway i should use them while i can...#as much fun and therapeutic I Think as this was tho i cant imagine having a need to get another card holder... tragedy..#regardless. this card holder's really cute </3 spoilers it's a kuromi one cause i needed more purple in my room i fuckin guess#the stickers were real cute.. also there was a lil baku... hi baku <3#which leads me back to my problem. '''''''problem''''''' yeah i dont even have a printer here but when i go back to my ma's i wanna be sick#walmart lets you get photos on that GLOSSY PAPER... tempted... anyway no listen to my non problems#cause in my heart i do associate kuromi with seonhee alright it just makes sense. PLUS baku and joon-gi#COUNTERPOINT. HOWEVER. there is no image funnier than slapping a depressed middle aged man who prob has a worryin body count#into a card holder decorated with hearts and sweets and bows with a big ass heart keychain danglin off it. like cmon#big brain move is to print out one pic each of em and just swap em out every other day LOOOL#i just want an excuse to show off the card holder.. i get why people have these now this was fun and cute....#ok bye i think ive been ill enough tonight#i thought i was gonna finish another comm but ☠️ ill just do them tomorrow morning they wont take long..
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vernadskova · 8 months
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I don't want me saying I'm focused on slice of life stuff to come across as mitigating something, underpinning it as unserious... Building little characters in the setting of a war is a way for me to retell the story of people remaining human even through absurdly inhumane conditions. It's dispelling an otherwise monotone and violent shadow over a culture. I like drawing guns too but I'm obsessed with their contrast with human life... I wish I could find that essay about partisan pass-time activities again, dancing and sewing and braiding hair despite it all!
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lesbianjudasiscariot · 10 months
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corpsoir · 2 years
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Bog body bog fae cryptid bruno
i'm thinking more like bog body bruno being found in a thousand years still looking like he's just taking a nap in the bog!! peaceful, sleepy but content expression eternally preserved on leathery skin. very much tollund man vibes (ok tollund man probably died under pretty violent circumstances he just happens to look peaceful lol)
or like, future bog body bruno having just ended up in the bog, slowly sinking into the water in the peat moss and heather ^_^ im so normal about bogs and jjba btw can you tell.
idk i just keep thinking about him being a walking corpse for half of vento aureo and it inspires meeeeee. idk, corpses and death and stuff is very like, artistically inspiring to me, if that makes sense. theres a reason my url is what it is !!
oh and look up the tollund man and bocksten man if youre comfortable with looking at human remains btw!! the bocksten man has a really cool reconstruction made of him at the museum he's at ^_^
sorry this was such a long answer and the tags makes it longer sghjdkss
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femmeterypolka · 2 years
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i hate my trich but i cant stop i can never fucking stop
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like-sands-of-time · 1 year
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It's a bizarre sort of self love journey to grow up with a disdain for flowers due to my name, only to shed that hatred, come closer to nature, and ultimately reach the frame of thinking "my namesake flower looks pretty badass actually" 😅
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racingheadfirst · 1 year
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ponderingmoonlight · 6 months
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Gojo's little sister seducing Choso at Shibuya
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Pairing: Choso x fem!reader
Word Count: 2,6k
Synopsis: When Gojo's little sister is at Shibuya in order to find her brother, she meets none other than Choso - a man that seems to have everything she has ever dreamed about. Is she able to seduce him?
Warnings: the end is spicy as hell so read at own risk, Choso being a lil slow but straightforward in the end, this has no real plot so be aware of brainrot
Tags: @96jnie @shebibtedmypepnis @chososwhoresblog @sanicsmut (you didn't ask for that but I tagged you anyway) @curlynoodle937565 @ifuckfictionalmen (thought you might like that) @nyahctrl @khaleesihavilliard
„Let’s see where you are…”, you mumble to yourself.
Satoru has some nerves, letting himself get sealed when the whole country needs him and his stupid six eyes and hollow purple. You’ll definitely make fun of him for the rest of his life for that. What else should you do? After all, you are his little sister. It’s your job to get on his nerves.
Your heels klick against the hard floor beneath almost therapeutically while your eyes scan the area. Seems like none of these fuckers are here. Who the hell is responsible for this whole mess? Surely not that volcano and flower guy from before, right? If Satoru is smart, he already exorcised both of them.
Something inside you makes you stop in your tracks. There is someone, without any doubt.
“Don’t be shy, you don’t have to hide from me. I promise I won’t bite. Just beating the shit out of you”, you announce into the darkness, the only thing lighting up the hallways being the colorful signs.
This definitely isn’t one of Satoru’s students, that’s for sure. None of them is already skilled enough to hide from your sharp senses. Fuck, even Nanami can’t escape you.
So, who the hell is this?
Your nerves begin to tickle just the way you like it, a bright grin plastered on your face. Finally some action, finally someone you can fight eye to eye. How long has it been since you’ve experienced that? Too long, that’s for sure.
Despite being Satoru’s little sister, you aren’t gifted with six eyes or unlimited cursed energy. No, even though being a member of the Gojo-clan you were never able to meet his standards, always a shadow by his side. Gifted with the same blue eyes but without the glow, gifted with a few strands of white hair but your head isn’t fully snow-colored. That didn’t stop you from becoming a grade 1 sorcerer, one of the bests under the special ranks. Yes, you are an exceptional jujutsu sorcerer all by yourself, without being gifted since birth.
But regardless of your big brother always came first, he loves you with all his heart. Protected you when you didn’t want to be protected, trained you even though you hated getting beaten by him, comforted you when all you could do was cry. To be honest, Satoru is the best big brother you could have asked for and it’s your responsibility to save him. What do you have siblings for?
“You’re starting to get on my nerves. Come out or get out of the way.”
Foreign steps start to echo through the hallway, making your heart hammer against your ribcage in an instant. These footsteps don’t sound familiar to you, you haven’t met whoever this is yet.
Your vibrant blue eyes dart towards the figure of what seems like a man, coming closer and closer to you. He’s tall, dark hair hanging into his face. Oh, his face…he’s really handsome with that tattoo over his nose. Since being Satoru’s sister comes with meeting many good-looking man, this is nothing new to you. But something about him is special, more your type. A look into his brown violet eyes is enough to get lost in them.
“You’re hot”, you coo out, heels clicking while you approach him.
“Who are you?”, his deep but bored voice questions.
Choso hates to admit it, but you’re easy on his eyes. Something about your appearance seems familiar while he’s sure he has never seen you before. That ocean eyes…
“You look like Satoru Gojo.”
“Yeah, I hate to admit it but I’m his little sister. Are we really that similar? I don’t want to look like him”, you remark, face twisted.
That means you’re his enemy, that means he has to kill you. Instinctively, he shoots slicing exorcism your way, attempting to pierce right through your heart at horrendous speed.
“Watch out, that is dangerous!”, you warn him, flying through the air with ease to avoid his attack.
Damn, you’re fast. Your speed is exceptional for a human being, almost as fast as Satoru Gojo himself.
“Let me come closer”, you hush.
Before he’s able to react any further, you stand right in front of him, fists flying his direction.
“You’re so quiet, what’s on your mind?”, you insist, careful to not get sliced open by his blood manipulation.
“I wish you were too”, he hisses before catching your fist mid-air and slamming your body into the ground.
“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad”, you purr, hands grabbing his strong shoulders tightly.
Satoru would kill you right here on the spot if he’d hear you, always disliking your taste in men like nothing else.
“I think he’s kinda hot”, you admitted while eyeing the dark-haired boy from Kyoto named Kamo.  
Satoru almost choked on his coke, eyes and face screaming in disgust.
Are you serious, (y/n)? What the fuck is wrong with your taste in men, why always the bad ones? Maybe you should get them checked.”
He roughly smacked the back of your head, making you almost lose it completely.
“Are you out of your mind, idiot? I heard your eyes can freeze if someone hits you in the head while you’re squinting!”
“Your eyes aren’t functioning properly anyway. How about someone like Yuta or somethin’, a nice guy with good intentions. Or even better, just do this world a favor and stay single.”
“Can you just shut the fuck up? You have nothing to say to me!”
“I AM YOUR BIG BROTHER-“
“CAN YOU TWO SHUT UP ALREADY!?”
Hehe. You smile to yourself while shaking your head, focus back on the man in front of you. Oh, you can tell by the way he moves that he’s absolutely buff underneath that cloak. And his eyes…They look even more stunning up close. What a gorgeous man. Yes, he’s definitely more than your type. Who is he?
“Tell me your name.”
With a swift motion, you’re back on your feet, curse-loaded fists aiming for him.
“Choso Kamo”, he presses out.
What’s wrong with you? Are you really trying to seduce him while battling? He’s your enemy, he’s on his way to kill your comrade, he…you…
Why are you so good-looking? And why does your confident smile make his usual calm heart flutter? You don’t seem scared at all, let alone determined to kill him.
“Oh, that explains the blood manipulation.”
“I’m here to kill Yuji Itadori.”
“Yuji, huh? What did that poor boy do to deserve your hate?”, you question, letting yourself fall into a split to avoid his blood.
“He killed my brothers”, he hisses through gritted teeth.
You stop in your tracks for a second, gaze fixed upon his. Oh. This certainly wasn’t the answer you were expecting. In your mind, all of these curses and the people working with them are cold-hearted monsters, walking on this earth to kill every human that gets in their way. But Choso…
You can feel his pain.
“I’m sorry to hear that”, you breathe out.
And you mean it. You’d be devastated too if someone killed Satoru, seeking for revenge with every fiber of your being.
Your glistening eyes and words make it hard for Choso to raise his hand against you. The eyes that look like those of Satoru Gojo, those eyes that are partly responsible for the death of his beloved brothers. No, he can’t let you get away, you are a part of the problem, you have to die, you…
You are grabbing his hand.
“If someone killed my brother, I would do exactly the same thing. But let me tell you this wasn’t easy for Yuji, he had no other choice-“
“I don’t want to hear it”, Choso yells, slapping your hand away, trying to slash you open again.
“Good for you I like my man feisty and strong. You’re a great catch”, you shout, entangling him in close combat again.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you understand that we are on different sides?”, he questions.
“Why though? We’d be a perfect match. I bet those fingers look good around my neck.”
The way Choso’s face instantly twists in disbelief and that little blush that creeps up his face are the best things you’ve seen for a long time while suddenly water rains down on him, fire alarms going off around both of you.
“Opsie, might have hit something important”, you comment, white uniform now soaked in water.
Did you really just say that? Are you too dumb to realize that he is your enemy, that romance has no place in his world, that he is fucking reincarnated? No, you are way too smart to not be aware of the fact who he is. You simply decide to ignore it.
But not only that, are you really flirting with him? Choso never really thought much about his appearance, it was never his goal to be ‘attractive’. But at the moment, when seeing your wet skin, your eyes lingering over him…
Something about your words and looks make him wonder.
“Do you…really mean that?”, he mumbles while blocking your attack.
“Huh, that you’re hotter than hell? Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m lying.”
Choso feels like fainting when your dripping face comes so close that it’s only inches away from his own, your mesmerizing orbs locking with his through wet lashes while your hands rest against his chest. Can you feel his heart hammer, can you tell that this the first time a women ever touched him? Oh god, what is he supposed to do? He has a mission, he needs to kill Yuji Itadori, he-
Your fingers start to draw small circles over the fabric of his soaked cloak, making something twitch inside his pants. Fuck, why do you have to look so absolutely stunning when your hair is completely wet, light up by purple light that makes you look almost angelic?
“Oh god”, he breathes out.
This feels so good. No, this is so wrong.
“You…you shouldn’t be flirting with me. I am party responsible for your brother getting sealed and killed. I am your enemy.”
“Urgh, stop talking about my damn brother, he’s fine anyway. He doesn’t let himself get killed by some idiots. And you don’t have to me my enemy. Let’s be…friends”, you suggest.
“Friends”, he repeats.
“Maybe more, who knows…I’m not mad about the things you’ve done. I fully understand why you’re outraged and what your mission is, I respect your motives”, you reply.
God, why does he have to be so breathtaking beautiful and relatable? Under all the men you’ve met, why is it exactly him you fell the hardest for? Why can’t it be someone like Ino or Todo? Why does it have to be him? Oh, Satoru will definitely kill you when he finds out about it.
But you don’t care. No, Choso has something you were looking for in every man you’ve met before. He is strong, outstanding smart, has clear goals, is straight up stunning and a little dangerous. You couldn’t care less about the fact that you’re standing on opposite sides.
You want him.
“You won’t stop me from killing Yuji Itadori.”
“I will have to try. But until then, there is absolutely no reason for us to fight, right? I’m into bad guys anyway.”
Choso looks at you completely lost at words. You, a breathtaking fine-looking and skilled jujutsu sorcerer, are really interested in getting to know him? This has to be a dream he didn’t know about until now, a deep desire that comes to life.
But he can’t resist. Despite all the things that speak against it, he can’t.
“Fine”, he grumbles.
“Great! Would you mind taking off that cloak so I can see your abs?”, you ask, eyes sparkling in excitement.
But why is this not enough? Why is a simple ‘fine’ not enough to fulfill that desire? Something inside him begs him to pull you closer, to hold your body firmly against his, kiss you and-
He swallows heavy. What has gotten into him?
“I won’t do that”, he automatically replies, gaze fixed on your pretty little mouth.
Oh, the things he wants to do right now, things he never thought about before. Is it because of the human body he reincarnated him? No, he never felt the desire to be close to a woman before. It’s because of you and the way you tilt your head, how you seem to know which words you have to use in order to drive him insane.
“Oh, was it too early for that? Fine, I’ll wait then… ”
Fuck it.
It happens faster than you’re able to react. With a swift motion, Choso pins you against a nearby wall, looking down at you with dark eyes.
“What do you have that other women haven’t had before?”, he hisses.
“Beauty, brain, power…”
You aren’t able to finish your ramblings. With rough hands, he grabs your waist and neck before pressing his lips against yours. You melt into his touch in an instant, too stunned by this sudden reaction. Instinctively, your very own hands begin to roam around his body, muscles now perfectly emphasized by the stream of water that pours down on both of you through the dim purple neon lights. Fuck, you’re melting like butter in his hands, your shared sloppy kiss being the only thing apart from the dripping water that fills the empty hallway.
“Fuck”, you moan into his lips, fingertips tracing through his wet hair.
This is straight out of your dreams. Making out with a man you didn’t even know an hour ago, a man that seems to have everything you want, a man who’s your enemy. But since when are enemies this good at kissing, since when is it allowed that they are so damn fine?
Why the hell are you so turned on?
He let’s go of you as suddenly as he grabbed you before, panting hard while looking down at you with glimmering eyes.
“I will search for Yuji Itadori now”, he proclaims, licking over his lips and closing his eyes for a second.
Slowly but surely, Choso returns back into reality, mind sorting itself. That felt good, way too good for his liking. If he didn’t let go, he’d probably stay here with you until the night ends. But he still has a mission to fulfill.
“You sure about that? Y’know, we could stay here a little longer, that fire alarm with all that water pouring down and the neon lights are kinda romantic…”, you begin.
“I’ll meet you again. Until then, don’t get in the way.”
One last touch. He allows his fingertips to brush over your cheek and mouth one last time before turning around and disappearing.
He’s gone, leaving you sinking down the wall as your knees give in. Mindlessly, your fingertips trace over your lips.
This really happened. Did you really just seduce the enemy? Your heart still hammers roughly against your chest, hands trembling in sensation while the water from above keeps pouring down on you. No man ever touched you like that, no man ever gave you that kind of feeling. Fuck, what did you get yourself into?
You chuckle into yourself, eyes fixed on the pouring water.
“If Satoru finds out about that…”
Click here for Part ll
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inkskinned · 2 years
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in recent years, there's been a push in therapeutic circles to shift the language from "attention-seeking" to "connection-seeking" behavior.
i was an attention-seeker. i was the textbook example of an attention-seeker. i was a troublemaker. i would self-harm. i destroyed my own relationships. i was uncontrolled, dramatic, sensitive. i took everything personally. i had "nothing" to be depressed "about," but made a big show of how sad i was nonetheless. i was really unsafe about myself in a lot of ways.
the strange thing about that is: it meant others could ignore me. the prevailing wisdom behind knowing something is "attention seeking" is to say: well, since you want it that bad, you're not getting any. it meant i was lower-on-the-list of concern. it meant an eye-roll.
the belief was that: since i was obviously doing these things on purpose, it would be bad behavioral training if i was "rewarded" for it. it would "teach me" that i simply had to make enough fuss, and i'd finally get all that missing attention and love. no, it was better to ignore that stuff.
i was suffering. and it felt like - oh, it doesn't matter how loudly i am in pain, nobody gives a shit about if i'm living or dying.
awhile ago, i went through my journals from that time. a lot of them read the same thing. in them, i am convinced i am invisible. that nobody wants to hear me, to see me. that i could die or vanish and nobody would even notice. i didn't even want attention - not really - because it was always dismissive, mocking. nothing i ever did would be good enough to get someone to actually-worry about me.
that's a terrifying thing for me to read as an adult. that is a child who fully has no problem committing. that is a child who has no concept of feeling loved. the most basic human instinct is missing from her life.
i needed help. i didn't know how to ask for it. i was a kid. i was a kid in a bad home, and whenever i thought things couldn't get worse there - they almost always did.
and the ways i showed that - the ways i tried to deal with that - they made others dismiss me. i wasn't suffering prettily. after all, if i was really in trouble, why wouldn't i just march into the first counselor's office and ask someone to help me? i had the opportunities, right? what did i think would happen, exactly? that someone would finally stand up and do something? who even wants that kind of responsibility?
i heard connection-seeking for the first time about three months ago. my therapist mentioned it when we were talking about my history. it rang some kind of horrible bell, deep inside me. i don't know what she said in the rest of her sentence. i just started... crying.
"oh no", i said to her. "i think i just realized: i have no idea how to forgive them for minimizing the ways i was hurting."
how many other kids, though. how many other kids were out there drowning, snatching around for a lifevest, some kind of rope - how many were straight-up ignored.
how many of those kids aren't gonna get old.
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ithinkabouttzu · 9 months
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Ateez reaction to being small spoon 。・:*˚:✧。
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genre: fluff; romance
warnings; kissing
description: The Ateez members reaction to being the small spoon while cuddling with their s/o
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Hongjoong : Oh man he’s been waiting for you to bring this up to him. He’ll act nonchalant about it, like it isn’t really a big deal, “Sure I can be small spoon” But the moment he does oml. He’ll get so clingy and babyish with you. He loves feeling your arms around him and it’s just a place where he can let go of all kinds of stress and worries. He just feels so safe and comfortable that he almost immediately falls asleep in ur arms.
Seonghwa: He gets so flustered when you ask him if he wants to be small spoon. Like there’s nothing wrong with it or anything he just gets so shy when he thinks about you holding him :( It’s so cute, he will make sure to grab your hand and hold it in his while you guys cuddle 😭 It becomes routine, especially after he has a bad day, like he doesn’t have to say anything, just ask for cuddles is enough for you to get the message, feeling you around him is just so comforting :((
Yunho : He is quick to agree to it, finding the closest spot in the house for you guys to cuddle on, and making himself comfortable. He’s just a gentle giant who loves a good cuddle session every once and while. He has a huge smile on his face the whole time, and don’t forget how he will tell you how much he loves you while you’re cuddling him. You guys would be watching a movie, and then all of a sudden you’d hear his soft snores and you’re heart would melt, he gets so sleepy when he’s cuddling with you it’s so cute :’)
Yeosang : When you bring up wanting to be big spoon, this sweet boy would make out a whole pallet in the living room for you guys. Like a whole little movie theater, snacks, blankets, you’re favorite food, he has it all set out, and when you guys turn on the movie he immediately just turns his back to you, waiting to be cuddled and it’s like the cutest thing ever. He’ll tell you how much he likes it when the movie ends and it becomes an automatic cuddle position for you guys in the future.
San : Ohh I can’t even tell you how baby he gets when you are big spoon, he’ll whine and tell you to get closer even though it’s physically impossible to get any closer. “cmonnn y/n I barely feel you, wrap your arms around me at leastttt” He just can’t help himself when you guys are cuddling, it’s his time to be a lil baby and just enjoy your presence. He loves being small spoon on nights where he can’t get much sleep, like he’ll ask for cuddles in his sleepy voice it’s so cute. He goes to bed almost instantly when you hold him.
Mingi: Ahhhh he loves it so much l, like he’s just so precious to you. “Y/n, you’re so soft, let’s just stay like this forever” 😫, he really likes when you give him cuddles after a tough day. Its like right when he sees you all he can do is run into your arms and ask if you want to cuddle, in hopes that you say yes. He is so grateful for you and truly loves you, so anytime where he just gets to be close to you is the best. When he gets sleepy in your arms all he can do is repeat how much he loves you until he falls asleep :(((
Wooyoung: he gets so mad if you try to get up at all 😭, “Don’t leaveee” He’d get so whiny and you’d just have to tell him you needed to go to the bathroom but he’d still be pouty about it oml. Calls himself a “professional cuddler” LOLL, but in all seriousness, he finds so much peace in your arms, like every headache goes away with you, so just being embraced by you is probably the best thing ever. Only problem is that he’ll be clingy for the rest of the time you guys cuddle.
Jongho: It’s so calming cuddling him, it’s probably more therapeutic for you then him. Like he’s just so soft and cuddly ughhhh. Loves to bring the closest hand of yours up to his lips and place soft kisses on them and just caress it until he gets sleepy. Usually you guys are pretty quiet when cuddling. It’s just time where you guys can enjoy eachothers presence and relax in it in peace. Usually you guys cuddle before bed, just holding him before he falls asleep, or until you fall sleep, and then he’ll switch with you and be big spoon.
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A/n: I hope you guys liked this! Make sure to request more Ateez stuff if you enjoyed! Also likes and reblogs are appreciated always ;)
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franticallychilling · 2 years
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i need to leave miami
#i need to start a new life somewhere else oh why do I keep… entrapping myself#i know what’s causing me the majority of my pain yet I never learn from it#for example even now I still try to talk to katia#biggest lost cause#she has been . terrible to me. i recognize that and yet I still try! why!!!!!!#there are people in my life who have been nothing but good to me. why do I not pay them more attention???#why do I pay the most attention to the people who hurt me? unwittingly or not?#the cycle will always continue and I will raise no hand to change it#i just need. to purge. to cleanse.#im. tired of being hurt over and over#this isn’t even abt katia but . at least katia is doing the move I should’ve done ages ago#which is essentially ignore me and never talk to me and not give me the time of day#it’s.. always those kind of people#and then I feel bad. i show the worst parts of myself when I’m the most vulnerable#i get annoying and manipulative and I try not to be!! it’s only when I’ve been hurt too many times#oh. talking about it is therapeutic though.#maybe I am too clingy. i really am. i try so hard to distance myself from everyone now.#can count 3 people who have hurt me with the same genre of attack. 3.5 maybe.#if you’re reading this it’s not you#ghosts that always follow#this is why when I went to uf… it took me ages to find proper friends#oh wait. make it 4 people to the list . someone hurt me really badly at uf. had nightmares for months#in essence. my kryptonite is being ignored. by feeling like people don’t even want to be around me. don’t want to talk to me.#what’s the point in even talking anymore. i know we could be good friends but if you’re acting like this.. can we?#oh five people now. this is painful digging up my whole past.#what I was saying was. i was so particular at uf for so long making friends. bc I have always known the consequences of making the wrong 1s#so many people have come and gone at uf and finally.. I think.. a healthy family.. one where I’m not treated like dirt :#*:’). and sometimes I worry - oh god am I being annoying? manipulative?. but really I realize .. there’s nothing to be manipulative about!#we all get along so well and by god I am so thankful for that. healthy friendships are. the best thing ever.#Iris speaks
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andhumanslovedstories · 5 months
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I’m genuinely surprised how much I love nursing. Every shift, I get to meet and help so many people. I’m float pool so I go to the whole hospital, but I’ve also been floating for a while so everywhere is familiar. Sometimes it’s hard for me to walk through the hospital because I know so many people I pass, and we keep stopping to chat. I float to seventeen different units. That’s crazy! I know so much about the hospital! Every night I’m somewhere else, working with a different team and a different group of patients. The constant novelty and familiarity of floating is delicious.
And I love my patients! I know this all sounds so goody two shoes, but I love that I get to help so many people in so many ways. I only get them for one night, so I try to give them my best. I love tucking people in with warm blankets, I love explaining what I’m assessing to a patient with a new diagnosis, I love having heart to hearts with patients at three am when they can’t sleep, I love making people hurt less and stop throwing up. And you can be a real scamp about it. I love stealing snacks from other floors. I love when a patient is like “god I’d love some chocolate” and I get to be like “sir I know the location of every candy drawer in the hospital, I can get you some chocolate.” Or like figuring out like a cheat code for alleviating symptoms. When someone’s like “wow this heating pack rules” and then falls asleep instantly? It feels good and it’s fun. I have a lot of fun figuring out how to cheer up my patients in minor little stupid ways.
I never have to wonder if my job contributes value to the world. When I go home at the end of my shift, I can always think of something I did that makes me feel proud. That rules! It’s so fun to be proud of yourself! It’s so fun to know that what you do matters and that you are doing it well. And if I don’t feel proud, I have a drive home to think about why and I get a chance to do better next shift. And that’s good too. There are nights where I can feel the way I let someone down, and I have to sit with that, and I have to learn from it.
(And I don’t want to sound like I’m crushing it always super-nurse style, like I’m completely immune to ableism and the other -isms, or that I’m never lazy or callous or checked out. I’m new and I’m learning and I’m human and I’m tired and I’m not always living up to the person I hope to be. But I do get a lot of opportunities to make up for it and try again. That feels good.)
And I love teaching new nurses! I love having to constantly keep studying so I can be in a position to teach anyone anything. I love watching people get better at stuff. And I love that as I’ve gotten more confident as a nurse and a person who trains new nurses that I’ve started coaching more and more on the soft skills of nurses. Those are really hard! We should get as much practice with therapeutic communication as we do with Foley catheters!
Also where I work pays good, and I’ve got great job security, dude, I can buy so many stupid little trinkets. I was so nervous when I decided to go to nursing school that I was fucking up my life and other people’s plans for a job I wouldn’t even end up liking. I’d literally never worked something remotely close to healthcare when I decided to go to nursing school. I’d been in a hospital like once. I feel like this big life change shouldn’t have worked out nearly as well as it has, but hey it’s really fuckin cool it did
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seeingivy · 4 months
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you're losing me
satoru x f!reader
**part of my satoru as taylor swift songs series
an: based on a request I received! i've been trying to get back into the writing groove since finals ended - and this very detailed request was exactly what I needed - so ty my sweetie pie <3
--
“Would you guys like to order?” 
You swallow hard, looking up at your waiter, who has stopped by for the third time now. You’ve been sitting here with the first years for almost forty-five minutes now, waiting for Satoru to arrive for the dinner that you two kept promising them. Yuuji and Nobara have all but exhausted the free bread supply while you waited, much to Megumi’s dismay, who keeps claiming that they’re going to be too full to eat their dinner and complain about it for days. 
“Um-” 
You pause, checking his location one more time, before you sigh and give a polite smile. Satoru’s location still isn’t reading - meaning, he’s still stuck on his mission - and not coming to dinner. 
“Yeah. Yeah, sure.” you respond, gesturing for the three of them as Megumi starts narrating everyone’s order to the waiter.
The three of them turn to you - with matching stiff smiles - when he walks away as you swallow hard and prepare yourself for the awkward barrage of comments you know are coming. 
“He’s not coming?” Megumi asks. 
“Yeah. He’s still at his mission and I have to take you guys back early anyways, so we’ll just eat without him.” 
“Maybe you can take something for him to go?” Yuuji asks. 
“No, that’s alright. Um, his dinner from yesterday should still be there. He’s good.” you respond. 
You don’t miss the look that the three of them give each other and swallow down the defense of him that you always have prepared. Not that you don’t still vehemently believe in it, because you do, it’s just that it tends to make those prolonged, pitying looks last longer when you do. 
But Satoru really is busy. There’s no one like him - he quite literally changed the balance of life as anyone knew it when he was born - so of course there are certain missions that only he can do. And there’s a certain…safety that comes with picking Satoru each time. Because they know that he’ll come out on the other side of it, with exactly what they need. 
Which means that he comes home late sometimes. Despite your best efforts to stay up - which always end with you upright on the couch, with your neck curved in a weird way - only to find that you’re safely tucked into your bed the next morning. 
Satoru always comes home at some point, making sure to tuck you into bed, but has to run off so fast that you don’t catch him in the morning. 
“Gojo-sensei’s really neglecting you, huh?” Nobara utters, earning a jab from Megumi in his side. 
You smile. 
“No. He’s just busy.” you respond, awkwardly breaking the bread in your plate. 
“You’re right. He has missions and has been really hands on with the second-years.” Megumi responds. 
You shoot him a grateful smile. 
“Exactly! Especially since they’re all about to be nominated for first grade sorcerers so…now is more important than ever.” you add. 
“It’s okay. You should just make Gojo-sensei feel really bad. Isn’t he rich? Then he’ll buy you a nice ring to make up for it.” Nobara adds, giving you a wink. 
You snort. 
“Okay, Nobara. I’ll try it.” you scoff. 
“No, seriously! He should feel bad - you’re probably drinking wine alone at night, blasting some sad songs before you get so tired from crying that you fall asleep. You deserve a gift!” Nobara adds, earning her another jab from Megumi in her side. 
You roll your eyes. 
“I do not blast sad songs before I go to bed. That’s actually pathetic.” you respond. 
“Or therapeutic. I’ll send you a playlist. Trust me, you’ll get so mad that you’ll actually get a gift from him out of it.” Nobara responds, your phone beeping in your pocket from her message. 
You look over at Megumi, giving him a knowing look, before you return to your dinner and let Nobara target her incessant rambling for someone else. At the end of the dinner, Nobara flashes you a big smile when you set Satoru’s credit card down on the table, which was an accident because you had just left yours at home. You settle down her rambling by buying them all dessert on it before you send them home. 
--
Satoru, though he would never admit it out loud, had been dreading coming home for the past week. And he’d wring his own neck out a few months ago, for even thinking it, let alone the fact that he’s been entertaining the fact for the past few months. 
But what he has waiting for him when he’s coming home, leaves him with that deep seated, guilty pit in his stomach. Because he always trods into your apartment hours late, to find you curled up on the couch, having dozed off. 
Satoru knows you - too well almost - and that despite his protests, you tried your best to wait up for him every single day. His heart warms at the fact that you want to spend time with him, but it’s quickly overshadowed with guilt when he sees the dark circles under your eyes. And it makes it ten times worse when he slips out in the morning for his mission, only to see you squirming into his side of the bed, now left cold. 
And the worst part? That you can’t even bring yourself to be mad about it. Because Satoru would feel with anger, that it would be fully deserved, but your full understanding and love for him just makes his guilt a thousand times worse. Because without fail, you always leave ehim a dinner plate out, reminding him to eat his vitamins and rink water before leaving. 
But today was different - quite possibly, the first time he’s rushed home in a while. Because his mission finished early and his meeting got cancelled, meaning that he would be home when you would be awake. He’d made arrangements, quickly running past and picking up a bouquet and ice cream on the way home, nearly sprinting all the way up the stairs. 
Satoru pads into the apartment, feet leading him straight to the bedroom, where the light is pouring from the bottom of the closed door. He hesitates, caught off by the fact that you’re singing, before knocking on the door together. He’d missed the sound of it, of your quiet singing that he’d often wake up to while you were showering. 
Satoru can recognize that you’re listening to Taylor Swift almost immediately - with how much you and Nobara play it around him - and he’s almost positive that you must have the cat cuddled into your nap, explaining all the lore to him like he’s found you doing hundreds of time. 
"Do something, babe, say something" (say something) "Lose something, babe, risk something" (you're losin' me) "Choose something, babe, I got nothing (got nothing) To believe Unless you're choosin' me" You're losin' me Stop (stop, stop), you're losin' me Stop (stop, stop), you're losin' me I can't find a pulse My heart won't start anymore
Satoru swallows hard. He knows that it’s just a song. That the sentiment could easily not be reflecting what you’re feeling. 
But he’s also acutely aware that it could be what you’re feeling. And it’s something that you aren’t telling him, because he knows that you odn’t want to be another thing that he has to deal with at the end of the day. 
Satoru groans, leaning his head against the door, as he panders with his options. Because that’s the last thing that he wants you think. It’s the farthest place he wants to be in his relationship with you, because he wants you to always come to him. The fact that you could have been holding onto these feelings, for god knows how long, makes his stomach churn as his feet quickly lead him into the kitchen and has him scribbling a note to place in the bouquet of flowers. 
--
You shoot Nobara a text as you pad out into the kitchen, your cat following you on your heels. 
you: i like the playlist! 
nobara: how much have you had to drink? 
you: i did not drink. and i am not sad. 
nobara: now who said that? projecting much…
You roll your eyes as you half debate opening up the dinner you had left out for Satoru last night or ordering takeout and leaving him leftovers to eat tomorrow morning 
“I already ordered us something.” 
You turn around, to find Satoru closing the space between you, the flowery smell filling your nose as his lips meet your forehead in a warm kiss. 
“Satoru. You’re home, I didn’t even…” 
He presses his lips firmly against yours, his right hand flesh as your cheek, sending a wave of warmth down your spine. You smile into the kiss, resting your forehead against his, as he returns a soft smile back. 
“I missed you.” he murmurs. 
You deflate, warm tears filling your eyes at his presence - bright blue eyes, the smell of his shampoo, and his warm arms around yours - as you loop your arms under his and dig your face into his neck. You can feel him leaving a few pecks in your hair, his voice soothing as you try your best to will away your tears. 
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to cry, I just really missed you.” 
He pulls back, giving you a warm smile, as he reaches for the flowers on the counter and places them in your hands. You give him a bright smile, twisting them in your hands, as you fully inhald the flowery smell. 
“For you.” Satoru responds, in a sing song voice as he reaches forward to pinch your cheek. 
“You didn’t have to, love.” you respond, swiping the tiny little envelope from the bouquet. 
“Yes. I did.” he deadpans, placing his hands on your shoulder before swinging you around and placing you flesh against his chest. 
You open up the little envelope to find a little note inscribed with his messy handwriting, as his lips find their way to your cheek. 
My sweet girl, 
Your endless empathy and patience don’t go unnoticed. You’re far more than I deserve and I want to make it up to you, though I’m sure I’ll probably spend the rest of my life doing that, if you’ll let me. 
We’re going to go away, just the two of us, for a little while. I don’t care where we go, you can choose where we go and what we do tomorrow. Just know, that in earnest, I’m choosing you, even if I don’t make it clear all the time. 
I’ll choose you, always. 
Love, 
Satoru
You smile hard, twisting around, so you can look up at him. The tears are flowing from your eyes tenfold how, as Satoru lifts his hands to your cheeks, trying to push you into smiling. 
“Why are you frowning, princess?” 
“You’re so sweet, Satoru.” 
Satoru shakes his head dismissively, as he pushes you into his embrace fully, increasing the pressure of his hold around you. The two of you stand there in the kitchen for a while, softly murmuring to each other, in the pale light of the kitchen. 
When you and Satoru pad into bed later that night, you send Nobara another message before going to sleep. 
you: nvm. remind me to take ur advice more often.
--
an, again: no one crucify me I haven't written anything for like a month
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