#this is more of a vent than anything else but like

[lyvhie]

do you write for chenle? if so could i request angry sex with chenle? and plotwise/anything else can be up to you, you always make such creative works 😍

desert island | zcl

boyfriend!chenle x fem!reader (18+ mdni)

summary: a stupid little game seems to be enough to make you speak with recklessness and throw reason out of the window in the heat of the moment. but since you were unwilling to be so easily placated, chenle was decided to talk some sense into you.

a/n: sorry for being so late, anon 😭! ofc i write for chenle, how could i not?! thank you for the kind words, i hope you like it!! 😚

cw: smut, use of 'whore' (only once), hair pulling, slighty spanking, begging, reader is DRAMATIC, chenle is kinda mean, petnames.

honestly, you can't think of a better partner than chenle. he's always so sweet, caring, and considerate, and you could talk for days about every single thing you love about him because you really love him a lot.

the same applies to chenle, who thinks you're so perfect for him. every time he wakes up and looks at you beside him in bed, he can't help but think how lucky he is to have someone like you by his side.

arguments in your relationship were rare, but not non-existent. like any kind of relationship between two people, disagreements occasionally arose.

you generally handle them with a mature conversation about the issue once the dust has settled, addressing the problem and coming to a mutually-agreed solution. however, sometimes, you both seem to be unable to agree on a resolution to the problem at hand. that was the case now.

it was a real stupid argument. you were released from work early and figured it would be a good idea to stop by the studio to see chenle and head home with him. as it turns out, it was a surprise when you showed up without prior warning, but he was happy to see you and it made your visit all the more meaningful.

during chenle's break time, the dreamies were engaged in a light and silly conversation about "who would you take to a deserted island." it was an innocent little game to pass the time and have some fun. when it was chenle's turn to answer, he surprised you by not choosing you, but one of his staff’s. this simple and seemingly harmless choice was the root of your trivial fight.

you didn't react immediately, simply laughed it off as if it was nothing but chenle could tell that something was off the moment you both got into the car. the car ride was unusually silent on your end, and chenle began to brace himself as he realized you were upset about something. he mentally prepared himself for whatever he felt was about to come as you walked through the front door.

"so..." he began in a gentle but careful tone, sensing there was an underlying issue you weren't being open about.

"nothing," you casually responded with a shrug, walking off and towards the bedroom. "it's nothing," you repeated again, but he wasn't fooled by your tone.

following close behind you, he asked another question, "is it me? did i do something to upset you?" he raised his eyebrows at you expectantly, wanting to get to the bottom of the problem.

"no" was all the response you gave him, short and sharp just like before. as you continued into the bedroom and began to tidy up the already clean room, he leaned casually against the doorframe and observed you closely. he didn't say a word because he knew he would just have to wait until the "you know what's funny?" and there it was, your signature phrase for when you're in a bad mood, spoken in a slightly annoyed tone. he knew this would be coming.

"no," he said calmly and crossed his arms, looking directly at you and watching you make some futile attempts to find anything out of place in the already immaculate room. "please, enlighten me," his gaze intent as he awaited the inevitable moment of venting that always ensued after that phrase.

"of course you wouldn't," you replied back, feigning innocent ignorance and even rolling your eyes as you dramatically shook your head and sighed. "i didn't expect you to have kept a list of all the female entertainers you would consider taking to a desert island. so why don't you enlighten me on your priorities?”

for a moment, chenle's eyebrows were raised in a mix of confusion and slight surprise as he heard your words, genuinely believing that you were joking or being sarcastic. then came his soft laugh, as he was almost incredulous that you kept up this attitude with your arms crossed and a serious expression. "baby," he spoke gently but firm as a warning, "you can't be serious right now. it was an innocent little game that you shouldn't take so seriously.”

"oh really?” your words laced with mockery. “an innocent little game? then it shouldn't bother you to explain to me why i wasn't even on your radar. it was a stupid game but your answers just proved to me that i'm an afterthought, even in your fantasies. at least in your fantasy of the women you'd be willing to take to a godforsaken place with no hope for escape. so am i so insignificant that i didn't even make the cut for you?”

chenle pauses for a second to process the situation and your words, running his hand through his hair in an almost unconscious gesture of self-soothing. if he didn't know you better, he would've thought you were crazy, but after that incident with the stupid "worm" question, he knows that you're just dramatic.

he approaches you, cupping your face in his warm hands as he gazes at you.

"baby, please," he pleads, the affection evident in his voice as he tries to reason with you. "look at me," he says softly, using his palms to gently guide your eyes to focus on him. once your eyes meet, the intensity of his gaze deepens as his expression softens and his voice grows more gentle. "this was just an innocent game and you're blowing it out of proportion. please don't be like this. i love you and you know it. there's no other woman that compares to the love i have for you, not in a thousand lifetimes would i ever take anyone else over you. you're mine and always will be.”

even though you could sense the sincerity and love behind his words, you maintained a guarded demeanor, refusing to give in to it until you were completely satisfied with his explanation.

you know, you had a sharp tongue and an even sharper intelligence than some could imagine when you chose to use it. unfortunately, this was a time where the first worked, but the second didn't.

“well, it seems that you just have to be on a desert island to fool around with someone else, right? you just want to enjoy some fun and pleasure while away from the world,” your tone became sarcastic as you continued challenging his words and reasoning. “so who are you going to enjoy it with?”

your thoughtless words brought you to this moment. one of chenle's hands was intertwined between the strands of your hair in a tight grip, pushing your head against the softness of the mattress, forcing you to stay with you ass up. your eyes slightly red, your face puffy and wet, both from sweat and crying.

“fucking. stubborn. whore,” he spit out, each of his words was accompanied by sharp thrusts that made your bones shake and you gasp, the sound of skin against skin filling the room. “can't listen to what i say for not even a damn minute,” he slapped your ass hard, making you whine and your eyes water again.

you lost track of time during this torment. it felt like torturous hours, where he kept teasing, edging you, not even letting you touch him, your ass was already marked by his hands, you felt the sting of each spank he gave, saying that brats like you don't deserve to feel good.

chenle knows you with the palm of his hands, he knows what you like, what makes you melt and he would definitely use it against you. his slow but powerful thrusts hit all the right spots that make you see stars behind your eyelids, his hand slipping between your legs to rub your clit in equally slow circles.

“…. ase…” your tiny, teary voice echoed through his ears. “oh?” he scoffs, pulling you by your hair until you were close enough for him to whisper in your ear. “i can't hear you, say it again,” his warm tongue sliding through your neck, sending you goosebumps.

“p-please…” you raised your tone slightly. “i'm so, so sorry, chenle,” the desperation and pleading in your voice is obvious, as is the remorse that you felt for your actions. “please, please, let me cum, please, just once, please,” the need seeping through every word, begging for relief and satisfaction.

a smug grin crept up his face when he heard your desperate tone. he loved how hopeless you sounded. he loosened his grip on your hair, pulling you into a kiss as he stopped his thrusts to savor the moment. his hand moved away from your clit to held your cheek as his tongue invaded your mouth, completely taking over the kiss.

your emotional state was so volatile right now that you honestly felt like crying. chenle knew that you loved kissing him, and by constantly pushing you away, he knew it was torturing you. your attempts at kissing him were met with a painful slap to your cunt, almost as punishment for trying to force yourself on him.

this simple yet deeply cherished kiss was enough to make you melt completely. you were yearning to feel this level of affection again after he kept pushing you away from him, it was all you were craving since he pushed you down onto the bed and shoved his cock inside your pussy.

as he pulled away from your lips, leaving you desperate for more, he let out a short, breath laugh at your reaction. he found it amusing how you chased after him to continue the kiss, but he was quick to remind you who was in control here by just pulling on your hair to keep you in place, making you whine pathetically.

"well," he purred against your ear, moving his hand caressingly over your body. he made lazy circles on your soft skin, lingering on your belly, you suddenly felt him be a lot more gentle. "since you asked so nicely, should i give you what you want, baby?" he raised an eyebrow teasingly as he waited for a response from you and all you could do was nod fiercely, letting small pleas of "yes, please" roll off your tongue as you awaited his move.

chenle hummed, feigning deep thought as he observed your face. He worked hard to maintain his composure and keep from showing his mischievous, devilish smile as he saw the light of hope that your expression lit up. "okay," he said finally, "i think you seemed remorseful enough,” his words were enough to bring a jolt of excitement to your system, you felt a rush of adrenaline course through your veins and every single muscle in your body tensed up, waiting intently for him to give you what you wanted.

with a light kiss on your lips, he turned you over and positioned you so you were laying on your back. hands that had recently been mistreating you were now caressing your body delicately, as if you were the most delicate thing ever made. his kisses traced your jawline before moving to your neck and breasts, making you think that the wait had been worth it. the punishment had ended here and he made you believe that the only thing you deserved now was his gentle touch and loving kisses.

he straightened his back, the movement causing his hands to move from your sides to the back of your thighs. in one swift motion, he lifted your legs and pressed your knees against your chest, and the sharp sob that escaped your lips was all the confirmation he needed that he has you right where he wanted you.

you felt his tip teasing your clit and your entrance, your pussy glistening from how wet you already were, his hard cock sliding inside you without any difficulty, your warm, gummy walls welcoming him as he filled any remaining space in your pussy.

“you feel so good, don't you?” his eyes fluttered shut in pleasure, and a low grunt slipped past his lips as he threw his head back slightly in a gesture of complete relaxation. he would never tire of this feeling that was almost overwhelming at this point. this applied to you as well, your hands gripping the sheets tightly as you moaned softly, feeling just how deep inside of you he was.

“you feel so damn good,” he whispered in a low, husky tone as he begins to thrust into you relentlessly, his tip kissing your cervix every time his hips slammed back into you, your eyes rolling to the back of your head at the feeling.

he increased the pace, leaning closer towards you. the full weight of his body was now pressing onto you, keeping you down and pinned to the bed but there's no resistance from you as you are simply overwhelmed by his size and intensity.

he had been playing with you for such a long time that it didn't take very much effort at all to push you over the edge. your moaning and whimpering got louder, your body tense and your breathing more shallow. your voice was coming out in a pitch that was nearly unrecognizable, with a few "thank you's" and some other incoherent words escaping your lips, your pussy clenching around him—he recognized this as the ultimate sign that you were approaching your orgasm.

“are you close, baby?” he asked even though he already knew the answer. “y-ye—” you were interrupted again by another hard thrust that made you let out a soft yelp. he grunted as he felt your muscles clenching around him once more, gripping him tightly. “c-chenle,” you mewled his name, “i-i’m gonna c-cu—”

before you could finish your sentence, he was quick to pull out of you, releasing the grip on your legs, making you let out a soft whine in disbelief when he pulled out without letting you finish, and all you could do was lie there as a deep emptiness washed over your body, your walls now clenching around nothing. you look at him with wide, teary eyes and trembling lips.

chenle’s grin widens when he watched your expression, a look of disappointment on your face as you realized you didn't get to cum as he made you think. he was satisfied in the knowledge that he had denied you the satisfaction you wanted and was pleased with how desperate and frustrated you were looking at him.

"aww, is my baby about cry? " he mocked you, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he reached out to wipe away the tear-filled eyes that now betrayed you. his hand lightly traced the curve of your face, moving slowly and tauntingly, as if he was enjoying your helpless reaction far too much. “that’s what you get for acting like a spoiled little brat,” his voice filled with condescension as watched how your emotional state seemed to sink lower and lower as a result of his words.

"you thought i would just let you have it your way?” he scoffed and shook his head at your naivety. "i thought you would know better by now, baby," his voice taking on a false empathetic edge as he leaned in closer. his voice became softer, his lips pressing lovingly against yours for a quick peek. "aww, no, no, don't cry," he echoed the soothing words with another kiss, teasingly brushing away the tears with his finger. "if you beg good enough, i might give you what you want."

#chenle x reader #chenle smut #nct x reader #nct smut #nct dream smut #nct dream x reader

[quoigenicfromhell]

Endogenic plurality is not really held as valid by many, many people. Most people, in fact! Being pro-endo is asserting the right of endogenic plurals to define themselves, and give themselves a community.

Anti-endo: against endos. I get that yall use it in a way that doesn't always mean this but it is a group defined by their opposition to a group's existence.

Pro-endos are there to say 'yes, endogenics exist and deserve a community and acceptance' and anti-endos are literally defined in opposition to that. That's what anti means.

So labeling the former as a hate group because there are people who have behaved badly in response to the latter is certainly A Choice. Anti-endo is not just like a harmless discourse position it is a disagreement with a type of person's existence.

Anti-misinformation is one thing, like that makes sense, but I will never not take anti-endo as anything but an attack on my personhood and an attempt to define my existence for me by other people because that's how it started, that's how it's been the past decade, you people do not and have never had the moral high ground.

#this is more of a vent than anything else but like #am i fucking wrong??? #'pro endo' being a hate group? ok so what should i call myself if i advocate for the right of endogenics to form community #is that a hateful stance?????? lol #like im sorry but you can claim youre neutral till the cows come home #if you take our only term of advocacy and positivity and try to call it hate because you got hurt by someone who had that label #you are not being objective or reasonable

[bottombaron]

you know, i can handle a little bit of fun "Nandor is dumb" talk, but i have a net-zero tolerance for any implication that Nandor is not educated.

Nandor would have been incredibly educated in his lifetime.

even (or especially) as a soldier in the Islamic World. being a soldier was more like getting sent to boarding school that's also a military camp. they weren't just concerned with creating loyal fodder for war. they were building the next government officials, generals, accountants, advisors, etc. it was important that young men knew how to read, write, speak multiple languages, learn philosophy...sometimes even studying art and music was mandatory.

if he was nobility (and its most likely he was), take all that shit and multiply it exponentially. Nandor would have been reading Plato at the same age most people are still potty training. he would have been specifically groomed in such a way to not be just a brilliant strategist and warrior, but also diplomate and ambassador of literally the center of scientific and cultural excellence of the age.

so like yeah, he can be a big dummy sometimes, sure. but that bitch is probably more educated than any of us will ever be.

#wwdits #nandor the relentless #Nandor #what we do in the shadows #i think its obvious by how much Nandor loves to read that he grew up educated #it's one of my favorite character traits of his #anyways #this was just your local psa abt the depth of Nandor's character and intelligence #and how the medieval islamic world was like - so much more advanced than it's western counterpart it's hilarious how ppl mischaracterize it #(by hilarious i mean it makes me want to break something) #this was in my drafts lolol what did i read that made me vent this? idk #also 'islamic world' is just a term some historians use to describe a specific geographical location and historical age #kind of how 'western world' is used today #it doesn't mean it's specific to one religion or nation but the broader time and location #meaning that Al Qolindar or Persia or Ilkhanate or w/e you want to call where Nandor came from #the same expectations of education and it's vibrant social/cultural world remain an accurate image of the middle east in the medieval age #if you come from the west like me #think The Forum + The Library of Alexandria + Paris/Florence + and idk anything else u think of when u think of 'Western Excellence' #and then imagine of all of that in one place at one time and then u might get close to what the world Nandor was living in as a human

[puppyeared]

Why are ppl scared to call it what it is and say we’re still going thru covid on top of seasonal illness. Like. That’s pretty important right. I was watching the news and they were like oh yeah we have an unprecedented number of flu cases “as well as other sicknesses” without actually saying Covid. No announcement abt vaccinations or masking or anything. Also if I hear someone joking abt “war flashbacks” for mentioning covid I fucking hate u

#source: most of my family members are nurses and it was so bad for one of them they had to be put on a ventilator. in the hospital they #worked at. looking back I think I had a reason to feel a little offput by the shows of support early pandemic #with people tying blue ribbons around trees and lighting signs blue to support healthcare workers #I get that it was supposed to be moral support when we couldn’t do anything but follow health advisories #and it did matter to make them feel uplifted and do something than nothing. im not gonna deny that #but. you can still help now. u know that right. you still have a responsibility here #u can still mask up. u can still get vaxxed and call in sick to avoid infecting others #don’t leave it on healthcare workers to pick up the pieces just because they were doing it before. do u think they had a choice? #nobody likes picking up the slack for someone else and now that we have more tools to do smth couldn’t we just. do it???? #im not a virologist but i also feel like continuing to let it get worse by letting more mutations develop #could continue to set us back since this virus is pretty good at fucking us up long term and finding new ways to do that #while there are ppl still researching covid which is STILL A RELATIVELY NEW VIRUS. and studying possible treatment and cures #yapping #vent

[honeypleasejustkillme]

ngl i’ve always hated the if you can’t love yourself how are you gonna love somebody else sentiment, cause me struggling mentally does not mean i’m unlovable or incapable of loving?? i was put on this earth to care for people, there’s so much love inside me even if i’m not well

#actually bpd #actually mentally ill #bpd shitposting #actually borderline #bpd vent #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #bpd #bpd fp #bpd problems #it’s so fucking annoying #like yes i fucking can love someone else.. hell i love my fp more than i love myself #id do anything for him #so yes.. yes i can love and be mentally unwell #fuck you :)

[secretmellowblog]

A short comic for a zine

#comics #short comics #atlantis #greek mythlogy #mellow art #my art #done for a little club at school! #ftr this is more of a vent comic than anything else #i think in reality there is a lot Left to Do #being angry! holding the people doing this accountable #protesting doing activism #none of this inevitable #but sometimes it do feel like that #tbh

[deoidesign]

please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3

Thank you very much

Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...

It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!

Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...

This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.

But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!

#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3 #but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety #that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc #i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting #and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually #and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again... #so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working! #i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again... #and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it. #even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset! #my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time #and i still ran out of episodes... #i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but. #yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now #i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else #and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break #ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional #asks #anon #vent #delete later #and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people #(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly) #(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more #(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do) #(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)

[frozenhi-chews]

#i REEAAALLLY gotta start on SKETCHING things #because how else would i get other compliments other than OOO COLORS ARE SO GOOD on my art #usually i dont mind. cuz i love using bright colors #but when theres like. a plot or a story happening. and all people are doing is complimenting thr colors. well. yeah i dont take it as well #reminds me how my ex used to say my art was cute and that was ALL they said before i snapped at them #lIKE GUYS. my art is more than my colors!! RIGHT?! #if all im getting is remarks about my colors. then. it kinda stings cuz then i think thats all my art is good for #like thats the only good thing #and people also dont pay attention when i post sketches and its like. okay. thats. great. even with the tag list #but thats more of a minor complaint #what im getting at is PLEASE. I GET IT. THE COLORS ARE GOOD. IVE BEEN TOLD MILLIONS OF TIMES #iS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?? LIKE THE S T O R Y IM TRYING TO POSE HERE?@ #AAUGH #anyways- #vent #the cake doth speak #i think it's worse when all they do is compliments the colors and that's it #ive been told this so many times across so many artworks. good gondy im gonna throw something. like myself down a pit

[frindoka]

be reborn / live again : an homage to love, dissociation, and being transgender, all in one

#my art #ok to reblog! not a vent. just something i drew that ive been wanting to; more positive than anything else . i guess #writing accomanying the piece is also mine #furry #sfw furry #rbs appreciated on this one in fact #i really really like how it turned out

[adrift-in-thyme]

AAAAUUUUGGHHH

#it’s one of those days #…again #I think I’m still feeling the effects of this weekend #it was A LOT and I shoved it down more than anything #having a loved one basically minimize everything you’ve gone through #and chastise you for acting like your life is worse than anyone else’s when you’re JUST VENTING #is never a good time #and kinda stays with ya I’m realizing #wheeee #and school’s always a lot #nothing like diving into a mass of humanity #and overthinking every freaking conversation #I kinda have someone to talk to now?? #but this guy’s giving me very mixed signals #idk if he wants to be friends or not #wouldn’t a friend like…text you after they ask for your discord?? #eh #at least he’s not a creep #I’ve had too many experiences with those #vent #trin rambles #anyway #I’m gonna go take all this out on warriors

[thethingything]

I really don't like our brain's ability to jump from "I'm going to organise all this stuff and catch up with a bunch of tasks" to "it's time to get stuck in an increasingly distressing thought spiral for several hours, accidentally trigger yourself, then feel like shit because you haven't done anything but also haven't managed to rest".

like please can we maybe have like a nice middleground where we do a few things and then rest for a while and don't experience the full range of human emotions over the course of about 3 hours

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #the thing is that we were feeling pretty good and actually got some stuff done today #and then someone asked how we were doing and we mentioned this #and their response was to interrupt us to be like ''wow it must be nice to not feel like shit all the time'' #before going on a rant about a bunch of stuff including topics that this person knows are triggering for us #so then we got frustrated and triggered and that threw us off and then we got stuck in a spiral over a bunch of stuff #and now we're exhausted and have no motivation to do anything and our brain is still trying to spiral more and we can't focus on anything #sorry for wanting to celebrate actually managing to do stuff after struggling with way worse executive dysfunction than usual all month #and by ''do stuff'' I mean we caught up with some journaling we'd missed #then added a handful of tasks to our to-do list so we'd remember to actually do them later #so a couple of things that are a big deal for us because they help us stay organised but take a lot of focus so we struggle with them #but at the same time they're tasks most people probably wouldn't view as any sort of actual achievement #part of it was also that we woke up with enough motivation to actually do what we'd planned to do today #but so far we've only done like one task from it because then all this shit happened and we haven't been able to do much else

[chaoticgouda]

#nonbinary #(saved this bc the first tweet op posted felt mean and made me uncomfortable) #but I still wanted to vent about this because what is restraint and boundaries online amirite #so here we go again: #I feel uncomfortable being called my irl name everywhere except at work and I feel like that’s bc the worksona i crafted #is so irontight that I’m fine being a Lady there but it low-key rankles me anywhere else #idk if that’s a gender thing or just a case of apathy and extreme alienation from myself though #I’d rather die than ever talk to my co-workers about other pronouns or anything though bc the gossip would spread throughout work within- #the hour. and it’s not like people would be really awkward about it (I hope) because I think I’m generally liked by my coworkers. but I’d #hate to be pitied or misunderstood. and it’s not like i have dysphoria or anything so I don’t personally feel justified in calling myself #trans. I’m just alienated from womanhood. but that could also be because i don’t have an interest in most socially-expected ��woman things’ #and bc I’m not mentally well or het. and that inherently separates you from the expected Girl Experience. #this is really rambly and nonsensical okay I guess if I really thought about it I’d love to be called Krill by everyone because it has less #baggage and feels more like me. but i’m not necessarily upset at being called my RL name. I don’t have dysphoria I just have mild ick. #like I’d prefer being considered a They and not being expected to be any gender at all. but it doesn’t kill me inside y’know #it’s fine. #if you read through this weird personal ramble then thanks ig?

[theclosetedskeleton]

me staring at my DAD when he said "if i see you have any f's during these 10 days.. things are gonna be bad. and by that i mean youre gonna get your tv taken. And youre gonna get no privacy. Meaning im going to take your door away" when i just wanted to go downstairs and get a fucking granola bar and NOT remember that if i fuck up once at school my privacy vanishes

#i am so fucking done with my parents my dad shouldve went with my mom to europe #hes more laid back and is not constantly checking to see what im doing (stares at my mom) but he is 100% more strict about things #also hes more how do i say this #“if you get emotional in front of me im going to start yelling at you instead of comforting and caring abt you” kinda person #like my mom cares about my emotions to an extent and my dad just fucking doesnt what in the world #i dont fucking care abt my tv that much its just my door that matters #at least i have backup plans in case he takes my door away #the plans arent solid and it may be more possible i could get caught but its better than nothing #EXTREME WORST CASE SCENARIO i keep fucking up and my parents put a camera in my room #then its literally over and i cant use my computer at ALL #if that happens maybe i can hide the computer in the bathroom cabinet and use it at night #idk if that would work #maybe i can hide it in my sisters old room's closet??? uhh idk maybe my mom would hear me walk to her room at night #lets just hope im not forgetting anything this weekend #i have to be better or else this stupid game gets harder and its easier to risk losing everything #closet rambles again on tumblr #goodness GRACIOUS was this a vent #sorry

[peachteaships]

Fuck not again

#peach vents kinda #please dont reblog #upcoming vent in the tags #so anxiety is rising again because well like i said todya i stumbled across some information #that information was about a discourse #i got more information on what happened and i lowkey hate how it reminded me of how my ex gf and ex friend were #i think i got a grasp on what happened but also im just socked more than anything #and now im dealing with a bit of an art block #and well #more like some 'performance' anxiety #i keep seeing everyone else have better looking and more interesting looking tadc insert designs and mine #mine feels basic #it feels #like im just lazy #it makes me feel bad #especially because it makes me feel left out too #and i dont know how to handle it #i dont know if i should scrap everything and start over or just #drop it all #part of me is tempted to just drop it all together cause part of me is going whats the point #that part of me is telling me no one would care anyways #i dont know #im just #i hate this i hate feeling like this #i hate feeling inadequate #like everyone else is leagues ahead of me #im trying my best here #i try to interact as much as possible #i try to seem as inviting as i psosibly can #i dont know it sucks this all sucks and i hate it

[sucrose-soymilk]

hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better

#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow #Seven’s Small Thoughts #not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary #and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much #i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know #i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else #which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways #and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog #i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t #nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty #anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic! #anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah #i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently #it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy #maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get #i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller #and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!! #so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available #which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless #that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine #trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip #i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly #eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it

[arcaneyouth]

i finished making chapter 7 of my comic and immediately my entire routine went to shambles cause i don't know what to do with myself anymore. girlies i'm so bored

#not really a vent post <3 i'm vibing i'm just sooo bored #like. ok. my main goal right now is to submit an application to a grocery store #i am taking this with ultra super tiny baby steps. if i don't i'll start sobbing and never do it #so i'm spending like 30 minutes max on this a day #there's so many more hours than that in a day and i don't know what to do with it #i do have other projects i should be working on *cough* getting my comic website built *cough* #but because the job shit is the Main Project my brain is like oh no no i can't do that c: that can't be done on the same day as job days! #cause that's how i handle comics and the other stuff i want to work on. #i don't typically do side projects on the same day as my main project that'd be wild that's too much they all get their own days #and now because i don't have Comic Days i don't feel like there's a deadline for me to do my fun stuff #so i'm not nearly as motivated to do the fun stuff #i am Also a little bit in an art block (no ideas) so i probably Should step back from art a bit and give that time #but i don't DO ANYTHING ELSE!!!! art is 90% of my life!!!!! #and the days i don't do art is usually when i know i shouldn't do art that day for the sake of my health #i LIKE when video games are a once a week thing it becomes a special lil treat for meeee #but now that's the only thing i Can do with my time and i ?????????????????????????????? #i can't even be like oh haha i can write stuff instead! i have comic script AND video game script to write! #that doesn't solve the problem i can't start doing that until like 10 pm or else my eyes will be strained the rest of the day #i've been running out of youtube videos for weeks already so that's not anything #and i don't like watching tv/movies #literally what do i even do with myself #god i hope i get this job so i can actually do things again. not a sentence i ever thought i'd say