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keep-the-wolves-close · 2 months

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Steady Heart

Chapter 24: when the party’s over

* Pairing: Slow-burn Kayce Dutton x OFC Stella Daniels

* Rating: M

* Warnings: language, angst

* Word count: 2,043ish

I would love to give credits to @dameronscopilot and @deanscroissant for being sounding boards for me during this whole process, giving outsider insight, being cheerleaders, and allowing me to screech at them about things that have happened during the writing process. I seriously couldn't have gotten this far without y'all!

Author's note: Ugh this fall out is killing me! I hope you’re all enjoying still! This chapter is kind of filler, and shorter than usual, but some important things do occur.

I’m posting this early because one, I’m impatient, and two it was a present to myself for finishing up a couple chapters today lol.

Stella sat on Abigail waiting to help move the herd. She was annoyed she was there and in the presence of her latest case of idiocy, but helping out with the cattle came with the territory. She couldn’t avoid doing her job, especially when there wasn’t much training to be done at the current moment. She spotted Kayce up on the hill talking to his dad. It looked like he was having an existential crisis. An unsympathetic laugh blew out her nose. ‘Not my problem.’

Kayce descended the hill and centered himself in front of everyone. He locked onto Stella, who disregarded his gaze. She stared at the back of Abigail’s head in between her ears. Kayce felt eyes burning into him and found Ryan glaring daggers at him. He looked down and cleared his throat before looking back up. “Take the cows up to pasture nine. Go through the east canyon and up the fire road. Any questions?”

“There’s no gate along the fire road. We’d have to cut the fence.” Ryan pushed back, not so subtly letting Kayce know he was pissed.

Kayce nodded. “Yeah, exactly. Then we’ll fix it.”

“We push ‘em across the river and we could follow the creek —,” Colby tried to form a plan, but Ryan interrupted.

“— then we’d have to swim 100 cattle across the river.”

“Cows can swim.” Stella reminded her brother tentatively. “So can our horses. So can we.” She and Colby made a face at him.

“Hey I can’t. I don’t know how to swim, man.” Jimmy admitted.

Stella slouched back in her saddle and watched the guys argue amongst themselves. She wasn’t offering anything up to anyone. They obviously didn’t want to listen, and that wasn’t her problem. There was also the fact that she didn’t want to go hard defending Kayce’s plan. She had found her lane the hard way. That’s where she would stay. She tried once and that was enough. Reaching her hand forward she patted Abigail. She was going to keep her head down to the task at hand.

Rip shouted. “Do you know how to shut the fuck up? He didn’t ask you your opinion. He asked if there was any questions, and they’re ain’t! Now get your asses out in that field and start movin’ them cows up the canyon like he told you. Go on.”

Stella and the guys turned their horses and moved to the gate to the main pasture. Ryan pushed past her on BJ causing Abigail to squeal. “Knock it off Ryan!”

“Seniority, Stella.” He retorted back at her. She huffed at her brother’s antics and looked behind him.

Rip sidled his gelding up next to Kayce. “You ask them questions, Kayce, questions will never stop. You tell me what you need and I’ll take care of it, they won’t question me.”

“Well you said they need to respect me.”

“You let me handle the wranglers and you’ll have both. That’s my job.”

“All right, well, when we get ‘em up to pasture nine, you choose the way.”

“I don’t choose the way. Make sure no one questions yours.”

Kayce brought up the rear to the gate as Lloyd was closing it. The older wrangler stared him down. “You were a hand long enough. You know who to talk to.”

“Just tryin’ to do it different.”

“Different never works.”

The trek up to pasture nine was uneventful. She was running drag with Lloyd. The task allowed her brain to concentrate on something else and not think about every stupid thing that had occurred in the last week. She had gotten in way over her head and blinded by her laughable feelings. ‘How could you be such an idiot? He’s fucking married. You literally signed up for that spot like a mare in flaming heat.’ Her grip tightened around her reins.

Lloyd gave her a sidelong glance. “Roll that choke back in them reins, lil’ bit. She needs to have range of motion. You know better.”

Stella sat up straight and relaxed her hands. “Sorry Lloyd. Got caught in my head.”

“You’ve been quieter than normal. Somethin’ wrong?”

She pulled her lips together. “I mean, yeah, but I’ll be fine. Just gotta get through the rough part first.”

“What happened? Are you okay?”

Hearing those words from the man she considered a father almost made her tear up. She forced herself not to because of the dust flying around. She didn’t need mud to form on her face. They locked eyes for a brief second and that was all Lloyd needed to see. The look of dejection and embarrassment flashed in her eyes. He knew the look of heartbreak and disappointment on her, probably better than she did.

“We’ll get through it, you and I. Just focus on gettin’ these cattle run.”

“I don’t know if you’d be saying that if you knew what happened.” He tilted his head as if he was asking her to go on. She shifted in her saddle and took the plunge. “I became the other woman.”

His mind quickly went to Kayce. “Stella, you didn’t?”

She shrunk down. “Unfortunately I was an idiot.” She looked ahead to the cattle. She couldn’t bear to see the disappointment and disgust on Lloyd’s face.

Lloyd blinked slowly, coming to terms with what she had told him. Everyone knew she held a torch for John’s boy, but when he got married they thought that would be the end of it. Clearly they had all been wrong. He had so many questions, but he didn’t even know where to begin.

“Don’t worry. It’s over. Just trying to do my job and go home, Lloyd.” Stella cut Abigail out to the left to push the cattle over some. They had started to spread out further than she had liked. Back to business.

They made it back with only a little hiccup of the fence needing repaired first.

Stella ran into Ryan coming out of the bunkhouse. “Hey, where are you headed?”

“To give your affair a job.” Ryan sent a dig at her.

“I put an end to it.”

“Yeah. Whatever Stella.” He finished, leaving her standing there with her mouth hanging open.

Kayce walked into the downtown office where his dad’s office for livestock commissioner was situated. He said hello to a few people, took a deep breath, and pushed his way into the room.

“Ready to fingerprint scan?” Handon asked.

“I got it.” Ryan made a face at his fellow agent. “Place your fingers flat on that device.”

“Can I see your driver’s license please?” Handon interrupted.

John launched into an explanation. “To be an agent, you gotta go to the police academy first. We can drag that out for a bit, but you can’t hold my office without the badge.”

“I don’t want your office.” Kayce declined.

John laughed. “Well you can’t have it for about 15 years. It’ll take ya that long to earn everyone’s trust. Understand, Kayce, this office is how you protect the ranch. And every ranch like it.” John pointed to Handon. “Put it on speaker.”

“Sure.”

“We're about to find out how big a role you play in this family, son.” John said.

The phone clicked when the other side picked up. “NCIC.”

“Yeah this is agent Handon, Montana Livestock Association.”

“Authorization number?”

“Mike Tango Lima Alpha 139259.”

“Name?”

“Dutton, Kayce John, date of birth 4/24/90, drivers license number MT 83745820382.”

“Dutton, Kayce John. No priors, no outstanding.”

“Thank you.” Handon hung up.

“Miracles never cease.” John stood up and removed his hat.

“Well, he’s cleared for a ride-along, sir.” Handon offered John.

“Let’s get him started next week.”

Kayce put his hands on his hips. “Can I talk to you alone for a second?”

“Give us a minute.” John shooed Handon and Ryan. They get up and leave quickly. John rested back on his desk.

“I don’t know about this, dad. There’s just so many things that could go wrong.”

John held out his hand to pause his son. “Kayce, woah woah. You just let me worry about that.”

Kayce propped his arms in the back of the chair in front of him. “I can’t pass a polygraph test.”

“Well, you won’t have to.”

“Well what about a psych eval?” Kayce tried to find every outlet he could.

“Well you won’t have to take one of those either.”

When all of his escape plans didn’t follow through, he heaved a sigh. “I gotta go.”

“Kayce? What makes you think you wouldn’t pass a psych evaluation?”

He held onto the door and said, “my whole life.”

Kayce exited his father’s office. He proceeded through the front door of the building and went out onto the sidewalk. He pulled a small slip of paper out of his back pocket. It had Monica’s new apartment address on it. He had to go find her and figure some things out.

He walked along the pavement of downtown and came up to building 73 Chateau Normandie. Glancing down at the paper to double check himself, he took the stairs two at a time. The hallway was quiet as he wandered through looking for Monica’s apartment number.

He reached the end of the hallway and the door he was searching for was on his right. He lifted his hand and knocked a few times. It opened and there his wife stood, looking beautiful as ever and surprised.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“How you doin’?” Kayce felt like a teenager again. Stella flashed through his mind and he sobered.

“You know. You wanna come in?” Monica pulled the door open wider.

“Yeah, sure.”

They stepped into the apartment and the air was thick. The elephant in the room needed to be addressed, but neither of them knew how to approach it.

“You recovered?” Kayce asked.

“Getting there.” Monica crossed her arms.

“It looks like a home in here.”

“Yeah, I try.” Monica chuckled.

“Seems kinda permanent.” Kayce pointed out, testing the waters to see where his wife’s judgment stood.

“It’s an apartment, Kayce, it’s a place to,” Monica stopped. “You want any water or anything?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Kayce trailed behind her to the kitchen area.

“Heard you were workin’ for your father now, huh?”

“Yeah, I just —,” Tate interrupted him.

“Daddy!”

“Hey, bud.” Kayce hugged him tight. He missed him something fierce.

Tate asked him excitedly. “Wanna see my new room?”

“Yeah, sure buddy.”

“It’s over here.”

Tate led his father down the hallway and Monica listened from a distance. She leaned against the wall and dropped her head back. Tears blurred her vision. She hated this. She hated being apart from Kayce, but he’d proven time and time again his father’s pull on him was stronger than he’d like to admit. She had to keep their son safe from that. She walked to the mirror to wipe her eyes before Kayce came back.

Kayce walked back down the hallway and around the corner. “How you affordin’ all of this?”

“Uh, university gives us a spending allowance. So I spent it on all of this instead of moving. All our furniture was old and someone else’s.”

“I know it’s not much, but—,” Monica interrupted curtly.

“We’re fine.”

“Please.” Kayce huffed. “I don’t know how to do this Monica. I don’t know how to not be with you. Or not talk to you. You’re my wife. You’re my best friend. You’re my only friend.”

“You’re mine too Kayce, but you also have Stella.”

“This isn’t about her.”

“But something had to change. And instead of changing, you’re just, you’re working for your father. And it probably should be about her as well. I’m sure you ran straight into her arms the second you got home.”

“Well you told me to leave!”

“Yeah everyone keeps telling you to leave and you keep doing it! What you’re supposed to do is fight for the life you want.”

“That’s not what you asked me to do!”

“Stop it!” Tate screamed over top of his parents.

Kayce and Monica glared at each other. “You asked me to leave, Monica. You wanted somethin’ different, you should have asked for something different.” He said resolutely. He walked past Tate and patted his head as he stormed out the door.

#yellowstone #kayce dutton #yellowstonetv #luke grimes #ian bohen #ryan #kayce dutton fan fiction #yellowstone fanfic #yellowstone fanfiction #kayce dutton fanfic

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cinematicct · 8 months

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Lost in Translation (2003)

🙎‍♂️🙍‍♀️🗾

Written and directed by Sofia Coppola, this comedy-drama film stars Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson as fading movie star Bob Harris and recent college graduate Charlotte, respectively, who meets and develop an unlikely friendship while crossing paths in Tokyo.

The supporting cast includes: Giovanni Ribisi (aka Frank Buffay Jr. on Friends) as Charlotte’s workaholic husband, a celebrity photographer, and Anna Faris as bubbly Hollywood actress Kelly.

Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson don’t just bring something extra special to the table, but they bring something very human as well. Bill Murray, apart from his wry comedic style, is able to take his character’s exasperated tone to a more tactful approach. Scarlett Johansson is both serenely mesmerizing and remarkably mature for her young age, rising instantly from teen actress to major film star.

The script (which won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay) is written in a way that finds the perfect balance between isolation and connection. In writer/director Sofia Coppola’s case, she has a way of taking two lost American souls and placing them in a foreign city through minimal dialogue and poignant cinematography. In other words, the film literally depicts the age-old existential questions of what we ought to be doing with our lives.

In terms of observing the key aspect of the film, the two main characters experience different crises in unfamiliar territory in which language barriers and cultural divides are evident (note: this film has been called out by some critics for its egregious stereotypes of Japanese people). Further complicating matters of communication is the story taking place at a time before Facebook or FaceTime existed. Bob Harris, whose marriage seems to have reached a dead end, is having a midlife crisis while promoting a whiskey commercial. Charlotte is struggling with an identity crisis as she deals with a mundane new marriage. Faced with insomnia (in part due to jet lag), Bob and Charlotte find solace in each other’s company. Together, they grab a few drinks at the hotel lounge, spend a rollicking night out in Tokyo and even sing in a karaoke bar (during which Charlotte dons a pink Louise Brooks wig). The only difference is Bob is completely lost in translation as the title suggests, whereas Charlotte is mostly lost in trying to find her true purpose.

This particular film is entirely focused on the kindred spirit of its central characters in contrast to the typical mainstream film that provides a structured plot. What’s more, the film distinguishes intimate friendship from sexual desire (in spite of the R-rated sexual content of the movie). For instance, we get an inside look at Bob and Charlotte through a different lens than what we’re used to seeing in a romantic comedy. Not only that, but they converse openly with each other about their thoughts and concerns in a casual atmosphere of low-key emotional tension.

The soundtrack contains a few tracks that mostly revolve around shoegaze and dream pop music. The track list includes: “City Girl” by Kevin Shields (vocalist of the Irish-English rock band My Bloody Valentine), “Too Young” by Phoenix, “Sometimes” by My Bloody Valentine and “Just Like Honey” by The Jesus and Mary Chain. Bill Murray even performs a rendition of the hit Roxy Music song “More Than This”.

Lastly, the message is the idea of discovering a whole new prospect in the face of complex emotional battles via a momentary but life-changing chance encounter. That said, I recommend this spontaneous, refreshingly simplistic portrait of love and connection to everyone.

“For relaxing times, make it Suntory time”

-Bob Harris

#Lost in Translation 2003 #focus features #comedy drama #Sofia Coppola #Bill Murray #Scarlett Johansson #Bob Harris and Charlotte #Tokyo trip #sleepless in Tokyo #older man younger woman relationship

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albatris · 1 year

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Hiii tell me all about Nat I love him sm

:D!!!

Hi hello! Absolutely I can tell you about Nat! I’m glad you like him and thank you for the question!!

Here is a big ol' chunk of words, some bits I've nabbed from other posts, too :3

Nathaniel Felix Finch, a good boy, a sweet boy! He’s the protagonist of our silly little horror trilogy, much to his dismay

He’s 25 years old and works at Stop ‘N’ Go 24/7 Petrol and Convenience, where he is prone to falling asleep on the register and shoplifting (both encouraging it and participating in it <3). He’s a bit of a hermit, not because he doesn’t want friends, but because he’s awkward, anxious and paranoid. He’s got schizotypal personality disorder like me, so it’s tough for him to engage with the world and feel comfortable

His story kicks off when he wakes up on the side of the road in his rental car covered in dirt with no memory of the past nine days. All attempts to return to regular life are quickly thwarted when it becomes apparent he’s turning into something inhuman and ravenous. He spends a week in agony and coughing up blood and almost passing out in public and being starving and existing in constant sensory overload… which reaches a gory climax when he kills and eats someone in a botched robbery of his petrol station and he's like Ah Fuck Apparently I’m A Vampire Somehow And I Just Ripped Someone’s Throat Open I’m Going To Go Have A Panic Attack Now

He is yoinked from mortal peril by shifty fucking bastard with a mile long list of ulterior motives perfectly ordinary kind selfless human person Quinn Cooper, and a bonkers plot ensues <3 Book one mostly sees Nat struggling with his new condition and trying to figure out what happened in his blackout and why he got vampired, and slowly uncovering the grim secrets Quinn is hiding. Book two and three wander into more “Nat Finch Is Going To Kill And Eat Vampire God (The Garble)” territory

What to say about Nat… hm…

He’s an excited, friendly, cuddly lad, if you can get past his layers upon layers of anxiety! He loves people although he’s afraid of them, and believes people are good and that he can do good in the world. He’s prone to bouts of depression and apathy on occasion, though, and especially struggles to balance his kind, gentle nature with the fact that he now has to eat people to survive. He's got a big existential crisis coming hahahaha

He loves animals! He regularly donates to wildlife charities despite not having that much money to begin with, and used to volunteer at a cat café for rescue cats (with Yvonne, another of our main characters!), and only stopped due to his social anxiety. He has a sweet little rescue kitty named Grub, who's just the scrungliest ugliest thing you've ever seen (he'll cry if he hears you say that, though). He's been a vegetarian since he was 17, and still considers himself one despite the fact that he's now an entire vampire who preys on humans. So you get like..... bits in the story where Nat drains some guy like a capri sun then the next day is like "no I can't come to check out the new Korean BBQ place with you Quinn I'm a vegetarian :((( you'll have to take someone else :((("

He's also a good cook and especially loves cooking for other people and sharing meals! This is one of the most common ways he shows affection :3 If Nat drills you about your favourite food and offers to cook it for you sometime, this means he wants to be friends :-) Most of his dishes are vegetarian, but if he really, really likes you he’ll cook meat as long as you ask nicely

He loves to be useful! He’ll gladly rush around and help with errands or putting furniture together or organising things. If you tell him you appreciate him or he did a good job he will bask in that compliment for weeks like a golden retriever that’s just been told it’s a good boy haha

Tragically he can be a bit of a doormat, especially at the start of the story. Though he pretended to be fine with his solitary lifestyle and loneliness, he’s always desperately wanted connection and friendship, and this makes him prone to letting people take advantage of him or manipulate him.... purely because at least that way he feels "useful", and they're more likely to keep him around...... he improves a lot on this front, though, so don't fret! We get to see the lad's self-esteem improve! He initially doesn't really like himself that much, but the story gets to see him come into his own and find his values and worth....! He's a good, kind, intelligent person with a lot to offer, he just takes a while to figure it out!

Oh also he's a huuuuge drama queen and is completely willing to play up being sad and pathetic to get what he wants <3 this is an important Nat Fact to know

Hmmmmm.......... what else......

So, it becomes clear as the story goes on, he’s not exactly a regular vampire… he can access a lot more of the Garble hivemind’s power than other vampires can, which left unchecked can result in an overload of power affectionately referred to as Monster Mode Nat :P a big ol’ body horror vampire creecher! Violent and aggressive and jumpy, out of control. It’s usually a state of intense fear for him, something that occurs when he’s in very dire straits, when he or his friends are threatened, etc etc… a Nat too far in Protector Mode, basically, that can easily become dangerous even for the people he's meant to be defending. He is still able to recognise Friends, though it takes him more effort, but struggles to make sense of unfamiliar people as anything other than resources, food or threats

As far as regular vampire Nat in the day-to-day goes, he's prone to all the usual vampire instincts. He’s got extra anxiety and paranoia and jumpiness on top of what he already had, he's got that usual insatiable insufferable vampire curiosity, he loves to bask and be cosy and snuggle with friends. He can purr and it's extremely cute. He has a moderate to severe allergic reaction to sunlight though it won't kill him immediately, he struggles with garlic much to his despair as a cook, n he has an extremely high prey drive that he has to work very hard to manage

Oh and Nat mostly preys on rich pricks and abusive bosses, as well as the occasional creeps at bars, which is very valid of him <3

Anyway yeah! This has been Nat Posting with Monday! I hope you have enjoyed these Nat Facts <3

#yoinked some of this from other previous nat posts #:D #a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears #nat

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celestikal · 4 months

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❝ YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HIM. ❞

it isn't an existential crisis that awaits the blue hedgehog – celeste knows the truth: IF ANYONE WILL BE REMEMBERED BY THE UNIVERSE, IT IS THE BLUE BLUR. the one who acts. the one who brought down titans and gods. the one whose cries shook the PILLARS OF CREATION, deep in aquila.

and yet — of all living creatures, THE ONE SHE UNDERSTOOD THE LEAST.

❝ destruction follows the doctor; lives lost, territories forever changed. his corruption, reaching into the very core of the planet and shattering its layers; and yet, YOU KEEP HIM ALIVE. ❞

❝ WHY WOULD YOU ALLOW YOURSELF SUCH WEAKNESS. ❞

#𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐌 ✧ — ( ic. )#𝐈𝐧𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭'𝐒 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐁𝐘 ✧ — ( commentary. // games. )#( this is for any sonic out there btw )#( AND YEAH CONSIDER IT AN OPEN )

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harinezumiko · 1 year

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Mermay go brr, we draw instead of letting the existential crisis consume us! ...Maybe.

Since the bulk of the cast is getting redesigned anyway, I figured it was a good time to make a pass at the ocean queen, Deep Blue, whose territories are too cold and vast for a tropical mer like Pearl to last long in. But since it’s late, I’m cutting myself off before I open 50 tabs to come up with clothing drafts.

Deep Blue is a bimodal goddess, of course, with a moon/sea lean, a terrible, uncompromising temper, and a protective streak that she can scarcely contain. When news of Pink Paradise reaches her waters, the resulting storm she and Yellow Tempest pitch is the stuff of legends.

#my draws #Deep Blue #mermay #mermaids #mermaid au #oath in the storm #character design #orichara

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bonesandthebees · 11 months

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Okay, last batch. Tntduo time. First up, I really love all the drinks you describe. Itss just a tiny detail, but visualization them is a lot of fun and brings life into the scene. It’s also a subtle way to show how good Quackity is at his craft. It also leads straight into the flirting.

Now this could be my ace ass not properly picking up the context, but to be it feels like it’s more playful banter the way friends might flirt than actual flirting. Though there might be too much blushing for that. Either way, whatever’s going on it’s normal enough to neatly fit into a category. Either way, it’s something Wilbur has never done before. It’s a new human experience and something a normal person of his age would do. Though being a normal person also means having to do the dishes and laundry like the rest of us plebs.

Even still, Wilbur isn’t ready to consciously accept that he’s just a human. Yet he feels like he has no right to call himself the Pythia. Because he doesn't want to leave and he doesn’t want to get a vision telling him to leave and he’s not even worried that Clara might be trying and failing to reach him. Well, he isn’t until he realises that he should be glad she can’t reach him and then the religious guilt kicks in.

This leads to him spilling his worries to Quackity, because in all this he’s a safe person to talk to. He’s a neutral party. And I’ve said before he’s what Wilbur could have become if he hadn’t been chosen to be the Pythia. [What’s a Pythia to a non-believer?] just a normal human being with some extra fancy title and privilege.

And so the little Phoenix in his chest comes to life again sending smoke from the ashes as we slip into only pronouns territory. And Quackity asks good questions to. Would it be bad if Clara had given up on him? For Wilbur it would be terrible, but everyone with eyes can see how much it hurts him. It would be better in the long run, but Wilbur’s not ready to see that. Because it’s been drilled into him from age 12 that his only purpose is to serve Clara.

He is nothing but an empty vessel and it runs back to the existential crisis of whether he even deserves to live if he’s not serving her. Though this time around it’s less “I don’t deserve to breath if I’m not serving her” and more “this is all I know how to do, what else am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to do anything else?” which is pretty close to the normal “what am I going to do with my life” everyone else has like Quackity points out, except with builds-in additional “am I not good enough?”.

And then we circle back to the empty vessel and we get another way of dealing with it. The Quackity way, which is somehow even unhealthier than whatever Wilbur and Tommy are developing. Quackity’s intention is to make a point that Wilbur is just like everyone else. That point is ‘if I pinch you, you feel pain just like everyone else’.

They have a different definition of empty. Wilbur thinks that empty is what he is because that’s what he’s supposed to be, but Quackity knows that empty people can barely function. Empty people have no personality. They wouldn’t banter and flirt with him. They might not even react when you hurt them. And that’s what he’s trying to show Wilbur. He’s not empty. But Wilbur has an entirely different definition of being empty. And even by that one he’s ‘failing’. So Quackity’s way doesn't really work. It doesn’t shattered Wilbur world view (not in one go anyway), but it does make him feel very human.

And this ask is getting long, so I’m cutting it off here, but I just noticed the invisible countdown above his head comment, which is definitely foreshadowing for the vision at the end.

(1/?)

-🌲

lmao thank you for the compliment about the drinks I describe, but I gotta be honest the drink wilbur has in ch 18 was straight up a drink I had once at a bar that I still think about to this day. yes it tasted like chocolate strawberries, yes it was pale purple, and yes it had bourbon in it. I do not understand how the bartender did it at all but she was fantastic. I desperately want to go back to that bar. I'm also gonna attach a picture of it at the end of this under a read more bc it's a very pretty drink (but the picture is shit lmao)

the thing is with the tntduo flirting is that it's not able to be fit into a box. maybe some of it's genuine, maybe it's just jokes, but it's not clear on either side. but most importantly, like you said, it's a normal human experience. wilbur is finally experiencing genuine flirting and not just being forced to flatter rich people at parties.

gotta love when wilbur's having some Thoughts and the religious guilt suddenly kicks in and he spirals again. classic.

yes that's exactly why he spills to quackity! he's the only true neutral party in all of this! and that's also partly why wilbur is so drawn to him. he's a non-believer. no matter what wilbur does or says quackity doesn't view him as anything other than just a guy. even the deathlings, while recognizing him as a person, still view him as Clara's Chosen. there's still something there. quackity doesn't have that.

god. it would be so good if clara had given up on him. maybe he finally could've gotten some peace after he got over the religious guilt and anxiety about all of it.

"The Quackity way, which is somehow even unhealthier than whatever Wilbur and Tommy are developing" when I tell you I cackled at this. you're so right they are even unhealthier than the codependency circus that is crimeboys rn and that's saying something. gotta love tntduo. but yes that's exactly his point. wilbur is made of flesh and blood and feels pain just like everyone else. he's not empty, and quackity knows empty. he's seen it sitting at his bars enough times to recognize it at a glance, and wilbur is anything but empty.

(drink pic below for funsies lol)

mine was the drink closest to the camera. you can't tell in the lighting of the pic bc the entire bar was lit up in shades of orange and yellow, but it's a very pale purple color. also sorry the pic is terrible this was my 3rd drink of the night and I was, uh, more than tipsy by the time I took this

#ask #through a glass divine #spruce anon

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mariacallous · 2 years

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I don't know how I feel about this op-ed, to be honest, but it's not sitting right with me. Part of it, I think, is the lack of mention of war crimes, and also what feels like is hand-waving away of valid concerns regarding any negotiations or cease-fire, and an over-simplification of what that would involve? And what feels like a rather flippant (and brief) reference to World War II.

IDK, I think I need to sit with it more but I don't think I'm going to fully agree with the argument being made and I think that the authors, ironically (considering what they're accusing others of) are rather myopic and short-sighted.

Please feel free to read and share your own thoughts or observations.

Russian President Vladimir Putin was not bluffing when he said, “If the territorial integrity of our country is threatened, we will without doubt use all available means to protect Russia and our people.” U.S. President Joe Biden seems to grasp this, saying on Oct. 6: “We’ve got a guy I know fairly well. His name is Vladimir Putin. … He is not joking when he talks about the potential use of tactical and nuclear weapons or biological or chemical weapons because his military is, you might say, significantly underperforming.”

Putin’s recent declaration that Donetsk, Luhansk, Kherson, and Zaporizhzhia are now, like Crimea, integral parts of Russia’s territory dramatically raises the risk of confrontation. Indeed, if Ukraine’s heroic military—backed by NATO military aid—continues to drive Russian forces out of this territory, Putin may continue to escalate the crisis, ultimately reaching for nuclear weapons in an attempt to find a way out. Putin and perhaps his lieutenants are more prepared to commit murder-suicide over Ukraine than saner Americans and Europeans are.

Russia and Ukraine are barreling toward each other in a game of chicken. It is time to flick on the bright lights and see farther down the road. Instead of pressing to see who turns first, wisdom requires pausing and working out a way for both countries to live another day.

Like then-U.S. President John F. Kennedy said reflecting on the 1962 Cuban missile crisis: “Nuclear powers must avert those confrontations, which bring an adversary to a choice of either a humiliating retreat or a nuclear war. To adopt that kind of course in the nuclear age would be evidence only of the bankruptcy of our policy—or of a collective death wish for the world.”

Forcing a cornered nuclear-armed state led by a man who sees his misguided war as an existential struggle into a complete and humiliating retreat poses far greater risks than the benefits of trying to recapture every square mile of Ukrainian territory occupied by Russian forces.

A negotiated cease-fire, with strong enforcement, is the best option.

Unfortunately, many in the United States, Europe, and especially Ukraine—in their fully understandable eagerness to deny Putin any gains—seem too inclined to wish away this risk, either by claiming Putin is bluffing or by simply saying troops must be brave and press on with Ukraine’s advances. An underlying—and understandable—worry is that if Putin gets away with making nuclear threats, he and other future nuclear-armed bullies will commit more aggression.

Stopping a war while the aggressor still occupies someone else’s territory is indeed bad—though not unprecedented. Doing it under the shadow of a nuclear threat is arguably even worse. Other nuclear-armed revisionist powers like Pakistan or China could become emboldened to try something similar with Kashmir or Taiwan, respectively. Yet, it is much less bad than the alternative of pressing on until Russia detonates nuclear weapons. At that point, negotiation would be needed to end the destruction—or else Armageddon would ensue—with no guarantee that the aggressor leaves the occupied territory. Only then would the more massive injustice of mass casualties and environmental contamination occur.

But neither side is likely to come to this necessary realization on its own or soon. After building a heroic Ukrainian identity, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky and his supporters are also emboldened by their recent military gains and inclined to resist any compromise that Putin might accept. They want to press ahead to create even more facts on the ground in the coming weeks before winter sets in.

For his part, Putin—notwithstanding recent setbacks—continues to believe that sustaining the confrontation and, if necessary, expanding it to other states and more destructive tactics and weapons can wear out Ukraine and its Western backers. Doing so is necessary to maintain his position at home. The world is thus entering a few weeks of maximum danger before the combination of weather and unpassable soil in the contested areas will largely freeze the situation on the ground until the spring.

To prevent an escalation that involves nuclear weapons, world leaders must step in to encourage Ukraine to propose a cease-fire now under terms that Russia might ultimately conclude, albeit very reluctantly, that it can accept. This means the United States and NATO must lead, ideally joined by Chinese President Xi Jinping and Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

Offering cease-fire negotiations would benefit Ukraine by helping to deter Russia’s use of nuclear weapons. Agreed cease-fire provisions as well as monitoring and dispute resolution procedures would take time to negotiate. Ukraine could sustain its military operations until then but would need to forgo attempts to move forces into Crimea. Meanwhile, Russia would become a North Korea-like pariah in far wider circles than it currently is if it used nuclear weapons once Ukraine offered a cease-fire.

China and India have said they want the fighting to end; Xi and Modi each have a self-interest to help Putin get there and an even more powerful incentive to prevent nuclear escalation. Both have access and influence with him. Both do not want their main adversaries to see more value in acquiring nuclear weapons (Taiwan, Japan, and South Korea versus China) or threatening to use them (Pakistan versus India).

Both China and India have long insisted that no one should threaten to use nuclear weapons first. They are good messengers to tell Putin that first use of nuclear weapons would make it impossible for them to sustain their current cooperation and that he would be well advised to pursue a viable cease-fire before he would find it necessary to escalate further to prevent additional losses on the ground. Doing that would serve Russia’s interests—and the world’s.

Given the harsh character of U.S.-China relations today, Xi would need positive inducement from Washington to make this effort. It would be pathetic (and condemnable) if U.S. domestic politics precluded overtures to Beijing to explore whether reasonable inducements could be arranged. The U.S. government should not lecture Xi about what serves his interests; Washington must ask Beijing what it would take to shift its stance and then negotiate.

If Xi and Modi are unwilling or unable to engage Putin on these points, U.S. and European officials would, with greater difficulty, need to try to persuade Russian and Ukrainian leaders to accept the logic of the nuclear age.

Fighting Russian forces until Putin decides to use nuclear weapons as a last recourse may feel like a pursuit of justice against despots, but once nuclear weapons are unleashed, no one knows how to prevent the destruction from escalating. If the West presses forward, do the Russians quit or do they use more nuclear weapons in the hope that this time, the West concludes Ukraine should stop? After Russia has used nuclear weapons in two rounds of fighting, the pressure would grow on U.S. and other leaders to hit back with even more nuclear force. Indeed, no one has described a nuclear exchange that would be tolerable for the United States, Europe, and Ukraine as well as destructive enough to drive Russian forces back to Russia’s pre-2022 or pre-2014 borders.

This is why Biden said on Thursday, “I don’t think there’s any such thing as the ability to easily [use] a tactical nuclear weapon and not end up with Armageddon.” And this is why retired Gen. John Hyten, former commander of U.S. nuclear forces, said in July 2018 that every nuclear war exercise “ends the same way every time. It ends bad. And the bad meaning it ends with global nuclear war.”

Armageddon, or even a smaller nuclear war, would certainly not serve the interests of the Ukrainian population that NATO is trying to defend—or the world more broadly. A negotiated cease-fire before nuclear use started would be preferable for all parties. Similarly, after nuclear use begins, a decision to negotiate an end to the fighting, or at least the nuclear fighting, would be saner than continuing. But that, too, would leave the whole world worse off than if a cease-fire had been pursued earlier.

Instead of being accused of rewarding nuclear threats with compromise and a cease-fire, Western leaders would, at that point, be accused of rewarding the actual use of nuclear weapons. The message to other nuclear-armed states would then be that nuclear threats don’t work and they must actually use the weapons.

To achieve a viable cease-fire, Russia needs to give up on its goals of destroying an independent Ukraine and carving up its territory beyond the quickly diminishing areas that it currently controls. Ukraine and NATO need to recognize that Russia will not cede all the territory it has taken since 2014 right now (though it might eventually if it gets fed up years later with the hassle and cost of retaining it and the sanctions it endures for doing so).

International pressure should encourage Russia to accept cease-fire terms that proscribe any further Russian encroachment on any international boundary in Europe (well beyond Ukraine) established before February. Cease-fire monitoring provisions would need to be codified, perhaps involving monitors from the United Nations or the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe. After the shooting stops, the messy process of negotiating governance of the parts of the oblasts under the control of Russian and Ukrainian forces would begin.

Meanwhile, Western countries would need to help rebuild and resupply the Ukrainian military to deter Russia from reneging. NATO states would not be expected to bring Ukraine into the alliance, but Russia would have to accept that the West will continue to support Ukraine as long as Russia occupies its territory and threatens it.

Regardless of where any cease-fire line is ultimately drawn, Ukraine will need the equivalent of an international Marshall Plan to rebuild—whenever the fighting stops. Western taxpayers will donate scarce public funds for this purpose (as well as confiscated Russian assets). The political will and fiscal capacity to help rebuild Ukraine would be more questionable after a nuclear war that extends beyond Ukraine, and there’s no guarantee that such war would regain Ukraine’s lost territories. Instead, the sooner rebuilding begins in Ukraine, the sooner Russians on the other side will see the need to move on from the deprivation, repression, and isolation their government has brought on them.

Some experts argue that anything less than total Russian withdrawal would be a victory for Putin and therefore must be resisted. But Putin has already lost strategically—NATO is working to expand its membership to include Finland and Sweden and has supported Ukraine in ways unimaginable before. The Russian army has been devastated and embarrassed. The economy has shrunk as well as lost capital and technology that are unlikely to return absent major changes in Russia’s government. Russian citizens, especially the most talented youth, have become disaffected or have fled. A negotiated cease-fire would not change these facts.

Ukrainians and their admiring supporters would be legitimately frustrated by a negotiated cease-fire now. The world recognizes the injustice of any gain for Putin and Russia. But the desired heroic ending of World War II, in which the aggressors were vanquished and friendly new democratic governments were created, is not an option here. Germany and Japan didn’t have nuclear weapons; Russia does. That fact cannot be undone.

If Ukrainian forces cannot expel Russia from all these lands without a cornered Putin using nuclear weapons as a last recourse, it is better for the people of Ukraine, Europe, and the United States to act on this realization before a nuclear war begins.

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mzemo0 · 2 years

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Rectifying Nuclear Imbalance With Israel Should Be A Strategic Priority For Egypt, SA And Turkey

Thanks to America’s dark embrace of Israeli fascism and Lebensraum policies, the Israeli nuclear arsenal continues to represent an existential strategic nightmare to hundreds of millions of Muslims in the Middle East and beyond. This is why responsible Muslim leaderships must explore every conceivable option to deliver our people from this gargantuan peril.

Israeli officials, addicted to bamboozling gullible Western media by saying Israel wouldn’t be the first country to introduce nuclear weapons to the Middle East, would not spell out the real goals of possessing at least 90 nuclear warheads. It is certainly not to prevent a recurrence of the Holocaust or as an ultimate insurance policy against a prospective destruction of Jews by an extremely powerful enemy.

Sinister Goals

There are several sinister goals Israel is trying to achieve or has already achieved by virtue of possessing a sizeable nuclear arsenal, along with the required delivery systems. These goals include the following:

1. Achieving perpetual strategic superiority over the entire Arab world as well as regional non-Arab Muslim countries such as Turkey and Iran. Which amounts to forcing the Arab-Muslim Middle East into a strategic inferiority vis-à-vis the apartheid Jewish state.

2-Fortifying the Zionist scheme by adopting unprecedented Draconian measures against Palestinians in Israel itself and the Occupied Territories (already over 50% of the total population).

Such exceptionally harsh measures might involve, inter alia, a partial genocide, carried out under the guise of a disingenuous civil war, concocted by the Zionist leadership as a pretext, which would trigger a massive flight by Palestinians similar to the Syrian or Ukrainian scenarios.

This is not a fantastic scenario as some observers might be tempted to think. Israel has already decapitated all remaining possibilities for the establishment of an independent and territorially contiguous Palestinian state.

Moreover, the US seems either utterly unable or unwilling or both, to force a recalcitrant Israel to dismantle or abandon its illegal settlements in the West Bank.

Hence, Israel might eventually reach the conclusion that ethnic cleansing of Palestinians, even one carrying the hallmarks of a real genocide, is the only solution for the worsening demographic crisis facing the Jewish state.

A few years ago, Jewish settler leaders expressed their hope that Palestinians would flee without a lot of bloodshed!

“But in case they don’t, we will have to do the job by hook or crook.”

This writer heard one settler from the settlement of Kiryat Arba near al-Khalil saying“ I wouldn’t mind killing a few thousand Palestinians if that would trigger the departure of a million or 2 million Arabs.”

Menachem Begin; a former terrorist Prime Minister of Israel, in his Book, the “Revolt,” described the expulsion of the bulk of Palestinians following major Jewish massacres of Palestinian villagers in 1948, such as Dir Yasin, as a miraculous breakthrough since Israel would not have been created without it. Hence, present Zionist leaders pray that the “miracle” be repeated and millions of Palestinians would leave, admitting though that “no feat like this would be bloodless.”

The reason I specifically mentioned Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Turkey has to do with Israel’s Talmudic ambitions to occupy large chunks of these countries “when the opportunity arises.”

According to Jewish History, Jewish Religion, The Weight of Three Thousand years” by Israel Shahak, Israel’s Talmudic borders are as follows: “In the south, all the Sinai Peninsula and a part of northern Egypt up to the environs of Cairo; in the East, all of Jordan a large chunk of Saudi Arabia, all of Kuwait, and a large part of Iraq up to the Euphrates; in the north, all of Lebanon, all of Syria and a large part of southern Turkey up to Lake Van, and in the West, Cyprus.”

These ambitions are not abstract or far-fetched notions that belong to the realm of the impossible as far as powerful Talmudic circles are concerned.

According to Shahak, “an enormous body of research and learned discussion, based on these borders, embodied in atlases, books, articles and more popular forms of propaganda is being published in Israel.

What can be done to rectify this unbearable anomaly?

I think treating this matter begins with renewing and reinforcing our realization that this strategic aberration cannot be allowed to linger forever since its continuation is tantamount to perpetuating and consolidating Jewish hegemony and supremacy over one-third of the world’s Muslims.

Yes, we do realize that without a submissively pliant America, Israel is a little more than a Kosher idle wind. But for the bulk of the Zionist clique effectively controlling the American government, Israel must always come first, even before America itself.

I don’t believe in the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, and I absolutely despise the silly antics of anti-Semites, past and present. Nonetheless, we as Muslims must have enough rectitude and moral honesty to call the spade a spade.

Moreover, we shouldn’t go too far by indulging in infinite absurdity like babbling about defeating “American imperialism!” as a prelude to defeating Israel. In fact, destiny and history are evidently more able to defeat America. True, America is not a lame duck yet, but it is no longer the omnipotent superpower it once was as we have seen the limitations of its powers ever since the outbreak of the Ukrainian crisis.

We certainly are not seeking to achieve the Mutual Assured Destruction equation with America. We, too, have to be aware of our own limitations. Nuclear Power

However, in a world where brutal force has the loudest voice, we can’t be like helpless orphans awaiting rescue from a bunch of thieves, rapists and child killers. After all who will help us if we don’t help ourselves?

I am not alluding to the little men reclining in Israel’s lap!

“When I say “We,” I am not thinking of this Sheikh, or that king or Emir. These mentally-retarded “little men” are more than just part of the problem. They are the problem itself. They are a huge burden upon themselves and their peoples as the strategic preoccupation of most of them doesn’t really exceed a woman’s underwear. They are a cancer upon the collective conscience of the Muslim Umma.

In the Muslim world, there are success stories and the overall strategic outlook is not that gloomy. Nonetheless, I believe a close nuclear cooperation between certain Muslim countries must be ensured and cemented.

It is really shameful and quite embarrassing that a country such as Egypt, with a population of over a hundred million people, remains without a nuclear deterrent. But Egypt has only itself to blame.

Conclusion

In the final analysis, a country whose masses cannot freely elect their rulers cannot really be independent and truly sovereign.

But we are talking about contemptible rulers who value the “legitimacy” that comes from the powerful Jewish lobby in America more than that which comes from their own peoples’ acceptance of them.

Unfortunately, this is the case in virtually all Arab countries from Manama to Casablanca. We all know that rectifying the nuclear imbalance with Israel is a paramount duty, though an exceptionally arduous task.

However, if a duty cannot be carried out unless certain requirements are secured, securing these requirements becomes a paramount duty itself. I can only say that much about this extremely sensitive subject.

I do care about my Umma, which ought to be one Umma, not 55 states, Sheikhdoms and fiefdoms with conflicting loyalties, depending on the mood of their mostly unelected ignorant leaders.

A few weeks ago, I was asked about my happiest day in life and my sadist. The happiest day was when Pakistan, a country I love but have never been to, succeeded in detonating its first nuclear device. And the Sadist day was when Israel’s man in Egypt, Abdul Fattah Sissi, in a bloody coup backed by Israel, Saudi Arabia and UAE, and, of course, the US, toppled Professor Muhammed Mursi, the first ever and last democratically-elected president in Egypt’s 7000-year-history.

#Zionist #Nuclear Power

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collegiantimes · 2 years

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A Critique of Putin’s Conditions for Ceasefire in Ukraine

By Edward Locke

Putin made six demands for a ceasefire in Ukraine. We will analyze three of them and determine their legitimacies and viabilities.

“Ukraine gives up joining NATO to become a neutral state.”

This demand is literally illegitimate in terms of international laws on national sovereignty, but geo-politically reasonable. If Ukraine joins NATO, NATO could deploy missiles with nuclear warheads and destroy the City of Moscow within less than 5 minutes. Also, tanks from Ukraine could reach Moscow in less than five hours. Putin would fight to the death to protect Russia from this “existential threat.”

“Ukraine must recognize Russia’s sovereignty over Crimea.”

Crimea was part of Russia since 1785; but in 1954, Khrushchev transferred its sovereignty to Ukraine as a gift to celebrate their 300th anniversary of unification. After the USSR’s breakup, Ukraine inherited Crimea. However, Kyiv implemented anti-Russian policies, including the suppression of the use of the Russian language. This violated the fundamental human rights of Russian-speaking Crimeans. It provoked Russia’s retaliation by fomenting a rebellion, invading Crimea, and annexing it under the cover of a “referendum.” Despite an overwhelming majority of residents who voted to re-join Russia in 2014.

Based on the principle of territorial integrity, Russia’s behavior is obviously wrong. However, the mistaken policies of Kyiv in its “de-russification campaign” or “ethnic cleansing” appear to give Russia a somehow “legitimate” excuse. Ukraine most likely has no choice but to give up its claim over Crimea.

“Ukraine must recognize the independence of Donetsk and of Luhansk.”

Russia’s demand here is ABSOLUTELY NOT legitimate.

In 1994, the Budapest Memorandum on Security Assurances was signed in Budapest, Hungary. It prohibited the Russian Federation, United Kingdom, and United States from using military force or economic coercion against Ukraine, Belarus, and Kazakhstan. These countries gave up their nuclear weapons in 1996. Both Russia and Ukraine have signed the Minsk Agreement II (2015). It clearly stipulates the right of ethnic-Russians to self-government, and Ukraine’s territorial sovereignty over Donbas. Ukraine’s failure in abiding by these stipulations, and the need for remedying actions ABSOLUTELY DO NOT give Russia any right to annex the territory.

In the current Russia-Ukraine conflict, neither side is totally innocent. A viable and just solution to the crisis should take into consideration of: (1) respect for fundamental human rights of all ethnic groups in Ukraine, including ethnic Russians, to local self-government, (2) respect for Russia’s legitimate geopolitical concerns for national security, and (3) respect for Ukraine’s legitimate right to territorial integrity.

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espinosaurusrexex · 2 years

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Save Me III

College!BuckyBarnes x College!reader AU

summary: Everything sucks without Y/N. Even Sam notices it, so Bucky has to do something about it ASAP.

a/n: Guyyyssss, it's finally happening. But first, there is a lot of good old angst. So enjoy!

I also have some drabble ideas for this series, but let me know if you have some things you'd like me to write.

word count: 8k

chapter warnings: *Steve Rogers voice* Language!, pessimistic world view, serious existential-crisis-level angst, mentions of death and loss, grief, fluffidy fluff, sloooooow burn

series masterlist | series playlist | read on ao3

“Yeah, that’s three points for me, homeboiii!” Sam flung his fists up in the air as he watched the orange ball drop to the ground beneath the basketball hoop.

“Oh come on! You were totally stepping over!” Bucky argued pointing to the lines drawn on the floor. “See this? That’s where you’re foot’s supposed to be, you moron.” The frustration of the night before took over his mind.

“You tryna tell me how to play basketball?” Sam’s eyebrows were raised in amusement.

But Bucky didn’t think it was so funny. “Fuck you, Sam. You’re cheating.” He mumbled as he moved to the bench to grab his water bottle.

“Hey, hey, hey. No need to be a bitch about it.”

“I’m not being a bitch, you jackass. You fucking cheated!” The discussion was already becoming desperate but Bucky couldn’t let off. The tension rising exponentially and replacing the stuffy gym air with its heavyweight.

“Hold on, now.” Sam stepped over to his friend, reaching out for his shoulder. But Bucky just jerked away with a piercing look in his eyes.

“Don’t you fucking touch me, Sam. I swear to God!” Sam stepped backward, raising his hands in surrender.

“What is your problem, dude?”

“What’s my problem? Are you serious?!” Water bottle still in hand, Bucky made a wide gesture that caused some water to spill on the floor.

“Yes! I am fucking serious. You’re acting out for no reason!”

“You know damn well what you did!”

“I didn’t do shit. You’re overreacting.” Bucky just huffed in response. Shaking his head as he grabbed his backpack roughly to stuff his towel in it.

“Get a fucking grip, Bucky! God, you’ve been bitchin’ the whole day. What the fuck is going on with you?”

“Just leave me alone, Sam.” His voice was way too calm for the cocktail of emotions splashing within him right now. And Sam must have noticed it as well. His response was attempted to be just as calm - honestly so, in hopes of allaying his friend.

“I was. You just attacked me for no reason. And I ain’t playin’ like that.” He drew a deep breath, sighing loudly in the process as he rested his hands on his hips. “You think you can calm down a bit?”

“I- uhaahrg!” Bucky turned mid-sentence and punched the wall behind him with full force. The dull noise was accompanied by a low grunt. Fucking hell, that hurt like a bitch!

“Woah, okay.” Sam approached him in two large strides and peeled the Backpack out of his hand. The other was still resting on the wall, as was Bucky’s forehead. The cool concrete weirdly calming after the intense anger pooling in his veins. He didn’t see the change of expression on his friend’s face. How it turned from frustrated to concerned. His heart even beat a little faster than it should be. Bucky had never acted out like that. Hell, the most emotion Sam would get from him were cheers at a football game. But this? Totally foreign territory for the friends.

A firm, reassuring hand was placed on the shoulder that had pushed the fist into the wall seconds before.

“Please.” Bucky’s voice was only a whisper, and he had to be careful not to break then and there. Yes, Sam was his best friend. His only real friend for that matter, but he wasn’t ready to lay his burden on him. That wouldn’t be fair - to nobody. It had drawn him away from Y/N, already. He couldn’t do the same with Sam. “I just can’t-“ He exhaled slowly. “I can’t tell you, Sam.”

Fortunately, Sam knew better than to push him further. After the outburst he had just witnessed, he was probably just glad it wasn’t him facing the fist that had made a small indent in the wall before them.

“Can you just go?” Bucky turned his head away from Sam, forehead still touching the cold wall. His voice was breaking.

“You know where to find me.” With a last squeeze of the muscles on his shoulder, Sam retreated from his friend. He shook his head dropping the backpack and leaving the gym without another word, worry evident in his eyes.

—

It had been a week. A whole fucking week without talking to Y/N. Luckily, Sam had stopped asking what was going on after the incident. The second Bucky had returned to their room, he locked eyes with Sam who had just shot him a reassuring nod. He understood that Bucky would talk to him when he was ready for it. Even if he would never be, this wouldn’t be something standing between them. And he was thankful for that. Truly, Sam was the best. He left Bucky enough room to be himself while still nudging him to push his boundaries. He had helped Bucky make process with his emotions without realizing it, even if it was just in Sam’s presence. And for everything he had not accomplished yet, Sam was there to sit it out with him. He was patient and kind. Too good to be Bucky’s friend if you’d ask him, but he still got lucky enough to have a best friend like Sam.

Bucky was really struggling to keep his emotions in check. Everything he had had under control just a couple months ago, had been thrown out the window when Y/N was around. And Bucky didn’t know how to deal with it. It was exhausting. Wrestling with his own mind like that. For years he had been able to just shut everything off - not let anything touch him. And now? Everything went to shit. He didn’t mean for it to explode in everyone's face like that.

It had crashed into him like a fucking train. He had not thought about the reason why he became the Bucky everyone knew for a long time. And the painful memories just brought all the emotions back up again. Emotions he had worked so hard to contain. But that didn’t matter anymore. Bucky knew Y/N wouldn’t stop until she got the answers she needed. He didn’t know why she was so set on getting it out of him, but he did know that it was inevitable. And somewhere deep down, he knew that he was ready to tell her. That she wouldn’t leave as everyone else did. That she was okay with seeing the him he had tried to hide for years. It was scary but he had to do it. In order to even have the possibility keep her in his life.

Bucky sat in an uncomfortable chair, dragging his eyes over a boring old book that had stains way more fascinating than the worlds printed on its pages. He had found refuge in one of the rooms he had explored with Y/N one night. The funny posters next to the whiteboard mocking him now. Still, the room held a calmness, Bucky had been yearning for when he walked past it, escaping from the crowded library.

He flipped another page and traced a coffee stain that kind of looked like an elephant when he heard footsteps approaching down the hall. They came to a sudden stop but Bucky didn’t bother looking up. What was the point, anyway?

“Happiness is the highest good.” A soft voice traveled through the room.

A shockwave went through his body when Bucky heard it. His body becoming rigid at the sound. Though, despite the struggle he slowly peered up to the door and spotted Y/N standing there. Her arms folded over her chest, head hanging low and a slump in her shoulders he had never seen before.

“What?”

“Aristotle.” Was the only answer she gave him. It took a second for Bucky to realize what she meant. And when the light above his head finally turned on, he felt the weight in his chest lighten. He smiled. Not only did she come to apologize, but she had also looked through texts of boring dead men - yes Bucky knew how much one had to torture themselves through some of those - just to find a quote that helped her with it. To keep up the silly little game they had started when they first met, and that made the situation now weirdly comforting.

He stood up and closed the distance between them, lead by the heat swelling in his chest. When he came to a stop about a foot away from her, he could see how red and puffy her eyes were.

“Let’s just forget about it, okay?” His hand reached out to hers, attempting to pull her into a hug but she swatted it away with anger flaming up in her orbs.

“No, we can’t forget about it.” He winced at her harsh counter.

“It’s fine, Y/N-“

“It is definitely not fine, Bucky!” She stepped back, holding his gaze with an intense stare. There were tears brimming in her eyes but Bucky knew better than to try and soothe them away. He just stood there, waiting for the impending storm that was not avoidable anymore. “It kills me, Bucky. It really kills me that you think this world has nothing more to offer than pain and sorrow.” A sob broke through her speech. “I want to show you so many things. I wanna tell you how amazing people can be. I wanna hear you laugh and I want to see smiles on your face, and surprise, and happiness, and so much more. But you’re standing in your own way, Bucky. You’re sabotaging that for you and everyone around you because you always feel the need to seek out the worst in everything. What happened? How did it come to that? Because I really want to punch that person in the face… and somewhere else if it’s possible.” She drew a deep breath that followed by a long exhale. “I just had to get that out. I’m done now.” Her voice was firm despite the obvious urge to break within her. The tears now streaming down her face and gathering in the fabric of her shirt.

“What happened, Bucky?” She emphasized, but Bucky stayed silent, his eyes trained on the floor as he struggled to suppress the prickling heat rising in his throat. He could see her stepping closer in his peripheral.

“I wish you would trust me enough to let me help you.” That was the sentence that crushed him. He did trust her - too much for that matter. And that was part of the trouble. His whole being fought against revealing too much about himself all the time; but around her, this urge was gone. And he felt empty - without purpose when he stood there unable to determine what he should focus his energy on. Unable to tell whether being himself was good enough for the bright and colorful personality within her. It surely wasn’t. It wasn’t even for people way less perfect than Y/N. So he had shut it out. In fear of being broken again. Tied it up with a strong rope and thrown in a box that made sure to never let it escape. Except, maybe for Sam some day; and maybe some other people. But most of these people were gone now.

Bucky felt her tug on the hem of his shirt, urging him to look up into her flooded eyes. There was so much comfort nestled within them that Bucky took the courage to slowly open the box inside him, letting the crimson red fringes of his true fears show.

“Why is it so important to you?” He whispered, tears threatening to fall on his face. His throat was dry and speaking felt like stroking it with sandpaper.

Her response was instant. As if there was nothing she was more certain about. “Because I care about you.” A weak smile snuck on her face as her hand traveled to his, squeezing it intently in the process. Warmth spread from her touch - a tiny nudge for him to step towards the deep and dark pool of fears he had tiptoed around through the years.

The tears now no longer preventable, he choked out a pained: “It’s hard.” This whole situation was scary. It was unfamiliar. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried. Let alone in front of someone. It must have been back when he was a kid, in front of his mother, probably - No. It wasn’t. Bucky didn’t know why he tried to lie to himself. He knew damn well when it happened the last time. It was the day he had become the Bucky he was today. Shut-in and cold to anything the outside world would present itself with.

“I know. I know it’s hard, but I need you to tell me.” Y/N’s tears continued to fall, her hand squeezing his a second time. “Please.”

There is no escaping this, Bucky. Just do it. If she leaves, she leaves. You can’t stop her. You’ll just shut it out again. You’ve done it before.

“I had a friend named Ste-” Bucky had to swallow the lump in his throat. It had been years since he had said that name. “Steve.” He paused. He would get through this. Y/N’s hand in his grounding him, he proceeded to open up. “He left for the Army when we were 18. He always had this hero complex, I don’t know. Always put himself in danger for the greater good.” Bucky had to smile at the memory of him. Okay, Bucky. You can do this. Just fucking breathe. “But it was hard on me. I didn’t have a lot of friends back then. I still don’t. He was my best friend, my brother. I’ve known him since we were kids.” Okay, here it comes - the painful part. Man up and face it. “At one point he stopped contacting me. I was so angry and hurt, I missed him like crazy.”

Y/N stayed silent. Listening to him intently. She placed her other hand on his arm, rubbing it in comfort.

“Came to find out he went missing on a mission. I felt so bad. Let my feelings get in the way of rationality. Steve wouldn’t have left like that. Not without a reason, at least.” He sighed. “Didn’t change the fact that I became an asshole to everyone - even my parents. My dad got in a bad accident the same year. Died a couple weeks after, and I was so scared. I didn’t know how to fucking live.”

Bucky lifted his head to look in her eyes, gripping her hand even tighter.

“I found out that not having to deal with emotions helped a lot with getting things in order. So I did just that. Have been living like it ever since. It makes things easier you know? Not caring. Being able to focus on objective.” Sure, it meant that Bucky didn’t get to experience all the other emotions, but that was a small price to pay for the promise of never having to feel this pain again.

“But that’s no way to live.” They were both full-on crying now. Trying to comfort the other with faint touches and gazes that held a weight to them none of them had ever experienced.

“I know that now. Because then you came in and my whole fucking world turns upside down.” His chuckle mixed with another sob, producing a choked noise.

Y/N leaned forward, embracing Bucky in a tight hug. Burying her head in his shoulder and squeezing his middle with her arms, as if she was trying to get all the hurt out of him. She didn't need to do that. Bucky understood, now, that feeling this hurt was what he had needed. His arms wrapped around her shoulders in a heartbeat.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered in her hair. “I want to see the world the way you do, I really do. But you have to give me time, Y/N. I’m really trying but it’s scary as hell. All these feelings are overwhelming. I don’t-“ Another deep inhale, collecting the calming scent of her shampoo, “I don’t know how to deal with it all. I'm terrified.”

“I’m here for you, Bucky. I always will. And I’ll be patient with you if that is what you need.”

Bucky smiled over her frame. He was thankful for the things she offered him. Even if they utterly terrified him. In the end, he noticed that talking about his feelings had lifted a tremendous amount of weight from his chest. He was able to voice his fears again. And he was finally feeling all the emotions he had been suppressing for way too long now. And hopefully, he would soon be able to understand and embrace them as well.

—

Bucky laughed. Yes, he laughed. He did that a lot lately. His head was slightly propped against the wall behind him, his legs covered under a fuzzy blanket.

“That’s fucking hilarious!” He exclaimed as they watched a movie. Seated together on Y/N’s dorm bed, because her roommate was at home over the weekend, Y/N leaned on his chest enjoying the protecting arm around her shoulders as they both watched the laptop screen in Bucky’s lap. Y/N tensed for a second before fully relaxing again.

“You know I’m all for expressing yourself but could you please cut down on the swearing?” She looked up at him by laying her head back further towards his shoulder. Her hand moved up to his face, smoothing out the frown that had settled on his forehead with her left thumb.

He had noticed how she flinched or briefly glared at him every time he threaded a swearword in his sentences. But he couldn’t help it. Sometimes it was just the perfect way to describe things and really express everything that could otherwise only be explained in a hundred unnecessary words.

So yeah, he cussed. What was so bad about it? Literally, everybody fucking cussed. It’s what adults did. But somehow, Y/N’s bodily reaction to it stirred something within him.

He didn’t say a lot after that. Mainly because he was scared that another curse word would slip past his lips. So he just smiled, pulled her deeper into his side, and hid his face in the crook of her neck. “Ok, doll. I’ll try.” He whispered hesitantly, breathing in her scent in the process.

“That’s all I’m asking for.” He liked that she didn’t push him to become different like a lot of other people in his life had done. He had learned that the mere mention of disapproval for the way he carried himself had pushed him to provoke that very reaction from his environment. Somebody told him to stand up straight? You knew damn well that was exactly what he was not gonna do. He even hunched a little further on a particularly desperate day. Or back when he still lived at home and his father told him to empty the dishwasher. Yeah, no fucking way he was gonna do that now that he asked him to. He realized later that he was an idiot for behaving that way. It was childish and it just added to the weight pressing down on him after he died.

Bucky settled back a little, still holding Y/N close after he pressed a reassuring kiss on the crown of her head. Y/N didn’t ask for a lot. She barely mentioned when something was bothering her, actually. So, Bucky knew that this was something she really cared about. Not that she didn’t already care about everything a little too much - seriously, he would have already collapsed under the pressure she put herself through - but for some reason, it worked for her. So when she asked him to curse less, it felt like an order he had put upon himself to follow. To bring her comfort, and with that, ease his mind as well.

—

That was easier said than done. Bucky realized the days after how often he liked to sneak a “fuck” in every sentence he formed and it made him feel guilty thinking about the times Y/N had ignored and shrugged it off as if it didn’t bother her. He really tried, but he found himself stopping mid-sentence sometimes to remind himself that the thing he wanted to say could be conveyed without cursing. It was really effin’ hard. So he settled for the slightly alternated, but still acceptable versions of cussing for now.

“…so I gave him that answer and Professor Vision went shirtballs.” Bucky finished his story. He had just come home from his class on metaphysics with one of his favorite professors. Mr. Vision was a strange man, with daily rituals that he executed mechanically. But Bucky liked him. Mainly because he seemed to know everything about the world, but ironically enough, Bucky had the impression that Mr. Vision himself had not yet answered the question he was teaching on. “What is life?”

Bucky had just started studying Philosophy as a joke because he already questioned the world he was living in anyway, but he grew a liking for the contents of his studies within the first few months of his freshmen year. And so he stuck to it. Embracing the foolhardy picked major as a calling that pushed his ego to the extremes. But his mom wanted him to ‘start doing something, already’ and it just happened to be a thing he could actually bear. Of course, he was sure he would have finished whatever he had started, not wanting to waste his mothers’ money like that because she insisted to pitch in on half the student loans he had to pay each year. He would have become a carpenter or maybe joined the army. He would have made do with whatever he had started because 'life was a joke anyway'. At least that was his disposition back then. Now? - He wasn’t so sure about it.

“Did you just say shirtballs?” Sam almost laughed but then his expression changed. He looked concerned for Bucky and squinted his eyes at his friend. “Are you okay? Do I need to call a doctor?”

Bucky shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m fine, just trying to swear a little less.” He grinned, satisfied with that answer. He turned to the door to hang up the jacket he had yet to take off.

But Sam didn’t fail to catch the honest smile in his friend's feigned smugness. “That doesn’t, by any chance, have anything to do with your little girlfriend?” He wiggled his eyebrows and Bucky’s ears tuned read as he sunk his head between his shoulders, his hands balling into fists.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” He turned around looking at his friend who was now laughing.

“But you want her to be.” The brunette stayed quiet at that. Of course, he wanted her to be his girlfriend. She was the most perfect woman he had ever met and she had brought so much happiness into the past months of his life that he was sure he had not felt in the rest of his miserable existence combined. Of course, that was his fault, but he appreciated that Y/N lifted the pessimistic blanket that seemed to be draped over his head constantly.

Sam took his friend’s silence as a “yes” before he continued to tease him. “Man, you are Whipped!”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“Ah, there it is! I was worried she deleted the old Buck for a second.” Shit! - No! Dang it! - God, this was hard.

“I am not whipped.” Bucky attempted to clarify, pressing every word through his clenched teeth.

“Yes, you are.”

“NO, I’m not, Sam!” He drenched the name in a warning undertone. But Sam only turned his back to Bucky descending the room humming. “Whatever you say, dude.”

“Bucky and Y/N sittin’ in a tree, K. I. S. S. I…” And then he was out the door before Bucky managed to grab something to throw after him. He was sure he had a huge ass grin on his punchable face then. And he made a mental note to wipe it out of there later.

—

Spring was approaching quickly and apart from the stressful period of exams week, the time seemed to pass by quicker than Bucky liked it to do with Y/N by his side. He had just picked her up from her last class for the day and strolled with her through the courtyard again. It was a little rainy outside and, honestly, Bucky wouldn’t normally walk through the muddy green if it wasn’t for her. She made him enjoy even the dreariest of days, reminding him of the summery smell of wet soil or the fact that slugs and worms would probably have a party right now, considering it were their favorite conditions. Yeah, she enjoyed life in the easiest of ways. Ways, he had never even considered before. When her situation wasn’t ideal, she imagined what profit others could pull from it and drew her happiness from that. It was truly amazing how effortless she made living seem, leaving enough cheer for Bucky to catch as it spilled over. He was grateful to be allowed by her side, to be granted the bits of sunshine that beamed from her like a disco ball.

He felt a tug on his hand before he was pulled to the side of the path. A gesture that had happened way too often by now.

“Look!” Y/N pointed to the trees on the lawn, racing him to them. When Bucky caught up to her, she was already pulling him down to the ground.

“I feel like I’m having a deja-vu.” He muttered as he looked at her profile and tried to balance on his feet in the position he was in. She was focused on the ground, where a purple arrangement of crocuses had bloomed through the wet soil. How the heck did she see that from there? Bucky realized that the flowers did represent the only pop of color amongst the faded green of the winter-toned grass.

“Winter’s finally over.” She beamed at him, hauling him into the happiness that radiated off of her. Bucky never minded winter. Everything was plain and dreary and that meant that people questioned his usual attitude a little less. But now that he knew how much Y/N had been waiting on the next season to start, he realized that he, too, felt joy spreading through his veins at the sight of the purple messengers in the grass.

“Aren’t they beautiful? Oh, I’m so excited!” She pulled him from his thoughts and squeezed the hand that was still latched between hers. Goosebumps rose over his arm at that and Bucky wished for it to never stop. Her smile became even wider than before when she looked around and spotted another patch of flowers around the trunk of the next tree.

Bucky could have watched her jump from one flower to the other for hours. She seemed carefree and lively with the way she danced through the raindrops. He would make dang sure that she would have flowers every day of his life if that meant seeing her like that forever. Heck, not even the future seemed scary when Y/N was around. How did she do that all the time? Somehow, she created a new version of Bucky that he actually liked to get to know better. What was happening? The warm feeling Bucky got to experiment with more frequently lately, made its way through his body again. Was this Love? No, It couldn’t be, right? That would be insane. That would be too…perfect. Shit. He was in deep. But what was so bad about it? Nothing. To be completely honest, Bucky just wanted to find something opposing his feelings because embracing them was scary. Scary as hell. And he didn’t know how to tell Y/N that he needed help welcoming them into his heart. But not when he wasn’t ready. He wanted to love her. But he had to trust himself enough to set the sensation free on his own. Maybe she could help him a little bit. By just being there, holding his hand and cuddling him during late movie nights in the dorm. Yeah, that’s how she helped.

Bucky stood up and walked over to her. Ignoring the few raindrops nestling in his hair on his way over to the swaying figure. “Dance with me, Bucky!” She took his hands and spun him around leaning her head back to feel the wind from the momentum. She looked beautiful. Bucky couldn’t hide his smile any longer and proceeded to spin her in the muddy grass. Not caring for their shoes to get dirty, the pair laughed through the movie-esque moment they shared. When he was sure that Y/N would be dizzy by all the twirling, Bucky stopped her, grabbing her by the waist and stilling her movement in the process.

He smoothed a strand of wet hair behind her ear. “You’re crazy, you know that?” Her hand settled over his wrist, caressing it intently.

“Everything’s better than boring.” Y/N looked up through her lashes, appearing almost flustered. She pulled her lip between her teeth, chewing on the cushion carefully. Bucky’s hand hat settled on the side of her neck. His thumb stroked feather-light patterns over her cheek as he gazed into her eyes. He was lost in the beautiful color.

“You’re better than everything.” It was just a whisper and Bucky wasn’t sure Y/N had picked it up over the rain that had grown a little heavier. Not that she was meant to hear it anyway. It was just a thought that had escaped his lips as he was chained under the ban of her presence.

“You really have a way with words. Don’t you, Mr. Philosophy major?” She laughed and her eyes crinkled a little. “What’s that even supposed to mean?”

Now, Bucky was the one biting his lips as he contemplated the move he had been thinking about for quite some time now. “Here, I’ll show you…”

Curious eyes followed his other hand before it settled on her second cheek. Bucky leaned forward and closed his eyes, bumping his nose with hers gently. He remained in this position for a second or two. Breathe in - breathe out. He concentrated on the sound of the rain hitting the leaves above them and settled in the calmness that the white noise washed over him - not that it would do anything about the nerves he endured thinking of what he planned to do next. And then, he leaned in. Soft lips grazed his slightly chapped ones and pushed over a vase of feelings that now spilled all over his insides. It felt like shock waves pulsing through his nerves when Y/N started to slowly move her mouth on his, inviting him to follow her movement. Her free hand found its way around his torso and settled under his shoulder blade. She was warmth and calmness wrapped up in one and Bucky finally got to feel everything he wanted from her. His grip on her face tightened, careful not to hurt her, as he dipped her head back to be able to straighten his back a little. Their bodies now pushed press against each other to feel all of the heat radiating off the other, ultimately sharing the energy it created. The air was getting scarce but Bucky couldn’t get enough of the taste from her lips. She didn’t want to stop either, but there was no way - they had to come up for air eventually.

A rumbling thunder ripped through the sky, causing her to jerk a little from the sudden bang. Y/N pulled back less than an inch from Bucky’s face, finally able to take in a much-needed breath. That’s probably when realization set in. Bucky could see her eyes changing in shock for a split second before they softened, focusing on him again.

“Holy Shit,” Y/N whispered against his lips before pulling a little further away and hovering her fingers above her mouth. Bucky wanted to add a similar reply but stopped when he notices what his ears had just picked up on.

“Did you just curse?” Bucky asked amused.

“I- I guess I did.” Her eyes brightened at that and she softly slapped his chest. “Look at the bad influence you have on me. Cursing is your thing! And I’ve been trying to make you stop that.”

“Seems we’re a lot more alike than we thought. Huh, sweetheart?”

“Oh, shut it.” She laughed loudly, throwing her head back. She looked fucking - no, freaking - gorgeous and Bucky couldn’t help but pull her in for another kiss.

“Does that mean, I get permission to occasionally swear?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

Y/N cocked an eyebrow at him accompanied by pursed lips. “Do you feel the need to?”

No, he honestly didn’t. After about a week of trying to cut down on his swearing, he realized that it did in fact not always help him press more meaning into his sentences. So it became easier for him. He couldn’t entirely eliminate it, but he settled for the occasional alteration as a tribute to the way he used to express himself.

“Hm…” He tapped his chin, “only when the situation calls for it.”

“That, I can deal with.” Y/N laid her head on his chest breathing in the faint summerly rain smell that was approaching. “I have to admit that ‘holy shit’ captured my feelings quite well back there.”

Bucky chuckled, resting his head on top of hers as his hands found their way to her back, gently stroking the wet fabric of her shirt in a loving gesture. Damn right, it did.

—

Bucky would have never imagined a conversation like this with Sam and Sam’s expression told him that his friend was thinking the same thing. Sure, they talked about girls but Sam wasn’t exactly a settled man. Feelings were not the first thing he was looking for in girls. If they happened, he happily embraced them but he never actually talked to Bucky about great details. Which he was grateful for back then. But now he wished he would know at least a little bit about how to go at this.

The brunette had been giddy all day long. Ever since he had come back from his was-it-a-date with Y/N, he had been itching to tell somebody about it. But he had to get himself in order first. There was just so much he had experienced in the past 24 hours and he really had to tell someone that wasn’t Y/N for once.

Despite his initial shock, Sam was on the edge of his seat. He leaned over the sticky table of the food court corner they had picked out for lunch. His eyes wide, hands propped next to his sandwich to hold his body over the food.

“You kissed her?!” He yelled excitedly. The grin on his face was wider than thought possible. So, this was definitely not the subtle way.

“Go ahead and tell the whole Campus, will ya?” Bucky slumped in his seat. He didn’t know why he was so flustered. He wanted to tell the whole world himself, but something in the way Sam said it with that stupid grin on his face just made him feel like a child.

Sam pulled back a little and rested his chin on his head mockingly. “Tell me everything!”

Though Bucky wanted to slap the smug smirk off his friend's face, he couldn’t help the shy smile from spreading on his face. He did want to tell him everything - that’s what he had been trying to do for the past thirty minutes or so. He slowly sat up straighter, took a sip of his drink, and started talking.

He told Sam everything, getting lost in the moment again as he reminisced the cringingly cliche kiss-in-the-rain-situation that played out yesterday. With a couple of interruptions from Sam that teased him in a loving way, like 'In the rain? I didn’t know you were the romantic type, Buckaromeo,’ he finally made it to the end of his monologue. Pink tinting his cheeks that Sam didn’t fail to comment on, either - of course.

Sam leaned back in his seat, his arms crossed over his chest and a proud look on his face. “I gotta be honest, Buck. I never expected you to actually go for it.” He paused and sipped on his drink. “I mean you have been pining for this girl for what? Three months now?” It was definitely longer than that, but Sam didn’t need to know how bad he had it in for Y/N. So Bucky stayed silent as he sensed that Sam was not finished with his speech.

“And I never took you for the settling type. All those party hook-ups - they definitely gave me the wrong impression, man.”

“Okay enough with the sappy comments, I get it.” Bucky scolded him over the table.

Sam’s expression changed to an amused one and Bucky saw a little mischief light up in his eyes. “Also, now I don’t have to worry about you taking all the ladies anymore. I mean - don’t get me wrong - your flirting game is still weak as shit. Really, I don’t know how you got all these girls but now? I’m back on top. No competition, nothing.”

Bucky huffed, “Shut up.” But he couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping his lips.

“Needless to say, I'm happy for you. You truly seem lively. And if you’re happy so am I, my friend.” Sam’s smile made his eyes crinkle, showing his shiny white teeth. The mood shifted to a serious one again.

“I’m glad you see it that way. And I am happy.” Bucky smiled, too - more to himself than his friend. They shared a look that conveyed more than words could have. A small nod on Sam’s end said as much as ‘Look at us. I’m so proud of us.’

Sam crumbled the sandwich paper and threw it in the trashcan a few feet away before they stood up to leave the food court. The friends were strolling towards the exit.

“I don’t know what this girl did to you, but I like it.” Sam patted Bucky’s shoulder.

I do, too. Bucky thought in silence as he smiled contently. He wasn’t going to admit it to Sam just yet. Eventually, maybe. But not yet. For now, he would just ravel in his newfound emotions by himself - and with Y/N. Enjoy the way she slowly inched him closer to experiencing them to full extent. But until then, he would just imagine what it would feel like to be fully in tune with them. To just be able to enjoy them when they hit him and not be startled by their effects like it happened now. For now, that was. He was okay and for the first time in a while, he was excited to see what the future would bring.

—

Bucky had to get used to letting his feelings show around Y/N. It’s not that he didn’t want to. Sometimes there were situations where he would have loved to just scream them out at the top of his lungs. There was just one problem: he didn’t know how. So he did his best in showing her through affectionate hugs and gentle strokes on her shoulder. He would say it with a kiss on her temple or by squeezing her hand in the middle of a crowded room. But his favorite way was in form of words that weren’t his. There was a weird intrigue in taking a quote that had been produced hundreds of years ago for an entirely different purpose and making it part of their beautiful relationship. It had been a game from the start and every time she hit him with another, Bucky felt a little tug on his heart that made him feel appreciated and heard through the things that interested him. Y/N put that effort into it for him and it felt amazing to know.

It had been a couple weeks since his conversation with Sam, now, and Bucky had been playing it over and over in his head again. They were currently in Central Park, taking a stroll through the slowly waking greenery of spring when Y/N had stopped the both of them to look over the pond, hosting a bunch of ducks on its surface. She did that a lot. Making Bucky notice his environment and not walk around with his head low, eyes trained on the ground. Y/N pulled on his sleeve, leading him further to the railing of the bridge that provided a great view over the small body of water. The sun was shining, reflecting on the water and making it shimmer white in the process. The air around them was pleasantly tempered, but the places in the shade were still a little too cold to reside in for too long. The park was littered with vibrant colors found in flower buds and leaves in all shapes and sizes. Bucky never realized how refreshing all those colors were after a long and cold winter. Always too focused on other things that seemed absolutely trivial now. He looked around once more, taking in the scenery. There was a guy a few feet away, playing a familiar song on his guitar, and an old lady feeding pigeons on the bench next to him.

Bucky slung his arms around Y/N’s shoulders, pulling her closer to him and pressing a loving kiss to her forehead.

“I guess Leibniz was right.” He mumbled against her temple, letting his breath warm the skin beneath his lips.

Y/N pulled away slightly, searching his eyes for the rest of his sentence.

Bucky brushed the thumb of his free hand over her cheek before he elaborated. “We live in the best of all possible worlds.” He said and turned back to look over the pond. His eyes following a family of ducks that swam on the water.

Y/N copied his gaze, smiling as she spotted the little ducklings swimming behind their mother through the water lilies. “Yes, we sure do.”

“I gotta be honest. Before I met you, that quote always seemed a little…” He turned his head back to her, gently moving her face to his with his fingers on her chin. “…naive.” His smile was sheepish.

She led her hand to his cheek, pressing her forehead against his and closing her eyes, smiling. “I’m happy you chose to be naive for me.” She whispered.

“And I will always try to be.” It was a promise. A promise that Bucky did not only make to her but also to himself and the world around him. He wanted to experience it just as she did, but he also knew that he wasn’t quite there yet. There was a little more to go and Bucky was willing to take those steps if it meant having her by his side for the journey.

“I’m so proud of you, Bucky.” Y/N opened her eyes again, searching his to assure him how truly honest her statement was. She was met with a flashing smile that was accompanied by crinkling eyes. True and pure happiness was etched over his features and Bucky wished to hold on to the tingling feelings her words awoke within him forever. He let his hands slide down to her waist, pulling her closer to him.

“This place is ready for us to explore its beauty.” She continued and Bucky’s eyes narrowed as he searched his head for the occasion he could have heard that quote before. But after a couple of seconds, he came up empty.

Watching the girl in his arms with soft eyes, he crinkled his nose and shook his head faintly. “I don’t know that one. Who’s it from?”

Y/N bit her bottom lip, hiding a smile from exploding on her features. “Y/N Y/L/N.” She announced proudly, searching Bucky’s reaction with anticipation.

“Oh, she’s my favorite!” He exclaimed, squeezing her waist as her smile finally broke free.

A loud giggle escaped her lips and Bucky closed his eyes, appreciating the way this had all turned out for him. It was truly strange how fate brought people together. Y/N and him were polar opposites - the perfect characters for a comedy movie. She was the last thing he thought he needed back in October, but now, he wouldn’t change that night for the world. Y/N was the first good thing that had happened to Bucky in a while. A person determined to show him the beauty of life, and who he just happened to fall for in the process. He was willing to do anything to hold onto her for as long as possible.

—

Being with her was like walking through a fucking field of flowers. It almost stung with the way her sweetness invaded his senses with every touch she offered him. Clouding his mind with an unbelievable force that managed to ban all the bad from his usually stone-cold heart. It was infuriating, really, that not even that aggravating voice in his head managed to form a despondent thought, find anything wrong, whenever he was with her. She made his conscious puny and insignificant. At first, Bucky didn’t want to embrace the happiness Y/N surrounded him with. He tried to push it away, even - wishing to ban it from entering his brain and coating the gooey black pessimism with her floral bliss, making him think of hand-holding and sharing cotton candy on top of a Ferris wheel. Yuck. But after a while, he found himself longing for the feelings blooming in his chest whenever he got to be near her, spend time with her, or even just hear her voice over the phone. It took a while, but eventually, Y/N made the world seem worthy of his attention again. She didn’t do it purposely; that was probably the reason why it sneaked onto Bucky so stealthily and crashed into him with full force one day.

He was on a walk through the college courtyard and saw a butterfly rest on the daffodils by the path. And he thought, maybe if Y/N would be here right now, she would stop and admire its beauty; pull on his sleeve to crouch down beside her and make him be all quiet and watch it slowly move its wings. She would make him appreciate the environment he found himself in and she would do it with the brightest, warmest smile on her face.

So that was what he did. He paused in his tracks, crouched down, and stayed real quiet. Careful not to disturb nature in its purest form. After a while of silence, he noticed more animals searching for some rest and pollen in the flowers. Bees and bugs, ants, and even a snail slugging its way through the green grass. He exhaled then - closed his eyes and slowly fell back to sit on the ground. He heard buzzing and chirping, rustling, and a faint breeze sweeping its way through Bucky’s hair. He got to experience his surroundings - a path which he had walked at least a hundred times - in an entirely different way because of Y/N. She wasn’t even here with him and he still managed to feel her all around him. Most prominently, though, in his chest. In form of a comforting warmth that took over his senses and enabled him to appreciate the moment and push the distant traffic noises even further away from him. He must have looked like an idiot sitting in the grass like that, burying his hands in the soft green. At least that was what the dull voice in his head struggled to convey. But he drew in another deep breath and managed to ignore it all on his own. A strange emotion spread through his body then, and Bucky was taken back when he realized what it was: pride. Pride and contentment - which he rarely felt in combination with each other, let alone all at once. But not today. Today, he felt proud of being able to calm his roaring head all by himself. Lacking any guilt he usually felt when he tried to relax. And it was refreshing. He reveled in the feeling a little while longer, letting the sun warm his face with its bated spring force.

Y/N had made him fall in love with the world again; saved him from a dark abyss constructed by his own imagination. And this time, it didn’t bother him at all.

❁ Yayy! We made it. I hope you enjoyed this little piece. Thank you guys so much for the love and support this series has gotten over the past weeks. You are awesome!

taglist: @cjand10

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k-dokja · 3 years

Text

hey vinny, dom said you're a simp / windbreaker

— Likes to pretend he's this broody, independent, need-no-woman badass. But if he woke up and your side of the bed is empty, he will get up to search for you around the house. Even outside of the house if needed. Honestly, if you're not in bed because you're cooking, he will abandon his sleeping endeavour altogether to spend time with you.

Will be a little pouty because you could've been in bed cuddling, but instead, here you are. He won't be annoying for long though, not when the smell of your cooking chases away much of his bad moods.

— His eating habit is a little... atrocious, to say it nicely. If his mom doesn't cook, then he will sustain himself with whatever he can find. If you cooked for him and prepared homemade lunches for him, he will love you forever. Honestly, the best way to surprise him is getting groceries and cooking with his mom. It warms his heart to see the most important people in his life getting along.

Hearing you calling his mother as “mom” ... not only it makes his knees weak, his eyes burn, his cheeks warm, it also causes him to be so embarrassed that he doesn't know what to do with himself. Can he really chastise you for doing something he doesn't even have the gall to do? (Admitting that he want to spend the future with you?)

— Not... good with emotions, he cares, you know he cares. But when you are in an emotional turmoil, he freezes. Moatly because he doesn't know what to do, he's a problem solver, when there are troubles, he expects to deal with it. However, he can't fight your demons, not when they exist in your mind.

It's ridiculous because he expects himself to fight his own demons without anyone's help, yet when it comes to your troubles, he wants to do it for you. The best he can do is being there for you when it matters, even if he can't find the right words, him being there at least helps you calm down.

— He's a bit troubled with understanding what you want, in general. Being a relationship is not easy for him, it's a completely new territory. It requires him to be emotionally vulnerable and rely on another when the time comes.

There will be times when Vinny shut down and try to recuperate from events from real life. All you need to do is being there for him and gently coaxing him to let you into his mind. This is necessary because he often gets self-destructive when his mind became clouded. Having you there to ground him would help him immensely.

— Not openly affectionate in normal terms, at least, not in front of others. Will hold your hand if you initiated it, sometimes he'd reach out for your hand on his own terms, too. Stands close to you whenever possible, it's mostly a protective thing. Nobody would mess with you while Vinny is around, at least, no one who knows better.

Will let you kiss him on the cheek if you want, but be warned that he will blush all from the moment you asked him to bend down and at least five minutes afterwards.

— Honestly, Vinny will mesh with your life perfectly once he got comfortable with sharing your living spaces. One day you'd come home to seeing him using your makeup headband because his hair was bothering him. He is a bit resistant to self-care things at first, but if you want to do it, who is he to say no?

He will have this moment of existential crisis after he saw how clean and smooth his skin became, but he improved for the better so he can't even compain much himself. Really, he even wore your cutesy house slipper with the rabbits on them when he can't find his own.

— He can get playful sometimes, even if it's only when you initiate first. At least, he knows to hold himself back whenever the two of you play-fight. However, if you somehow managed to tussle and had him pinning you down, you'd get the chance to witness Vinny devious grin. Even if his bastard days are long over, the reminder of it can send a shiver down your spine.

Until, until, he realizes how promiscuous your positions were. And he comes to notice your expression, the blush on your cheeks, the way your lips slightly parted. Cue Vinny jumped away from you like a spooked cat.

— He likes to walk you home, okay, let him do the gallant thing. You don't go to the same school, which is one of his grievance, but he never minded the walk back and forth even if your house is in the opposite direction of his. Since his bike makes the way back less tedious, he has even more reasons to go see you.

He likes knowing you're safe, and on a perverse note, likes being the reason you're safe. Secretly, he likes it when you greet him with a hug whenever you see him at the school's gate, too. Gives him a little peck before you get inside your home, and if he's feeling bold, he'll keep you there for a deeper kiss before letting you go.

— Don't think because Vinny is bashful sometimes that he's reserved. Not really, he's simply shy in the beginning since he's far rougher than you, he doesn't want to accidentally spook you away. Once he overcame his shyness, expects him to be far more intense whenever he kisses you. If he allowed himself to let go, you'll be left with your lips swollen and eyes glazed.

He knows he's a lot to handle, so he doesn't expect you to take all of him. This is why he always gets pleasantly surprised whenever you readily accepted him after his lips left a trail of evidence on your neck and shoulder.

— He has accepted the fact he is simply not... academically gifted, okay. Being badgered again and again that he has no future damaged what motivation for studying left inside him. Since he had accepted long ago that there'd be nothing awaiting for him, seeing you actively trying to help him stirred a weird feeling inside him.

At first, he got mad because he thought it was pity, but with times he learned that you did all of it because you cared. You had to talk him out of thinking the worst, but once his mind cleared, he acquired a newfound appreciation for your determination and loyalty.

— He really be like, I'm not cute, I don't do cute, then goes around and uses a cutesy phone case because you bought it for him. You changed his wallpaper to a picture of you two together? It's going to stay there forever, he will never change it. The password of his phone? Your birthday. His password in general? Your name and birthday. His lockscreen is basically one of those silly pictures of you which was sent to him earlier.

No, he's not changing it, he likes it as it is. Your name in his contact list might have been left as is, but if you changed it into something adorable? He's not changing it back, you can live with your decision. Will still blush when he sees the copious amount of heart next to his name in your contact, though. Because he can dish it but he can't take it himself.

— Everyone pretty much know he always saves a seat for you in group settings if he arrived first. But honestly, that doesn't happen enough because Vinny always shows up with you. Somehow, the two of you always know why the other is absent. You're pretty much an unit together at this point, he'd not have it otherwise.

Having you around during the competition always makes him extra motivated to do his best, too. Can't really blame him for wanting to show his best side in front of his girlfriend.

— Although it doesn't happen, it's always funny for the group to see the two of you fight. Since he can never stay mad at you for long, it's always you that drag out the cold war period and whatever he does afterwards is mirroring you. So if you're ignoring him, he's ignoring you back but he always looks so miserable. You would, too, but pride, pride.

The funniest would be when you eventually reconcile because neither of you can handle the distancing period well. You can stick to him like glue afterwards and you'd hear no complaint from Vinny because he wants to make up for lost time too.

— Once showed up to a group meeting with others in the Humming Bird while carrying a huge teddy bear that he saved up to buy for you. It's meant to be an anniversary gift and he knew you had been eyeing it since forever. It's big enough that him holding it was an inconvenience, but you holding it simply looks comical.

Everyone else, including Jay, had to suppress themselves from laughing when the bear swallowed you from view. But the smile you made when seeing it really made Vinny's entire month, so definitely worth it.

— Never makes empty threats when chasing away guys who hit on you. He's an intimidating presence to everyone when he wanted to be. However, if anyone even crossed the line to harass you, suddenly his name is Fearless Hong and he's ready to go jail for, not physical assault, but murder.

He'd get extra physically affectionate after these occasions, too. Mostly in how he holds you and keeps you close to him, would have an arm on your shoulder at every chance possible for a while afterwards.

#vinny hong #vinny hong x reader #windbreaker webtoon #windbreaker x reader #headcanons

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yoonpobs · 3 years

Text

bad boy good thing v.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 2, 435

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a glimpse into the past

“Yes. I’ve literally just stepped foot into my apartment.” Jungkook huffs with his phone between his ears and his shoulders as he attempts to multitask, hands moving a box of the dining table.

But Jimin is persistent and he’s yapping his ear off, something about dropping by in a few but Jungkook is barely paying attention, not when the existential crisis of no longer being a high school student that could hide under an institution with a false sense of security. College was different. He was on his own, even with the presence of his friends; and Jungkook was both terrified and excited.

He’d always dream of the start of his college life. Jungkook was a bit of a dreamer, and he aimed to live out the best life possible; all while trying to juggle his academics and do some extracurriculars on the side. When he told Taehyung about his ambitions, his friend just blinked and him and offered a snort; with an almost taunting pat on his shoulder.

You’ll see.

Jungkook didn’t know what he meant then, and he can only wait to find out.

“Do you need help moving in? Tae and I just finished a lecture and we’ve got the rest of the day off.” Jimin asks over the phone, and while Jungkook wants to start off his journey being independent; there were boxes of his belongings that looked way too unappealing to deal with alone.

“You’d to that?” Jungkook sighs, eyebrows furrowing when he searches for the box that goes into his bedroom.

“Come on, Kook.” Jimin whines, “You think your own hyungs won’t help you out?” His jibe is lighthearted, which only makes Jungkook roll his eyes at his friends' words.

“I know.” Jungkook affirms, “Just college life, you know? Thought you’d be busy having your third existential crisis of the week to help out.”

Jimin snorts over the line, “Try this day, kid.”

Jungkook chuckles, and mumbles something under his breath before puffing; grabbing his phone with his hand as he thinks of a question he’s meant to ask for a while, ever since he stepped foot onto campus and his accommodation.

“Is ____ with you?” Jungkook asks.

Jungkook did so some growing in the time after you’d graduated, and he supposes that he relied a little too much on you as well as Jimin and Taehyung growing up in high school. Because once the three of you graduated, Jungkook was essentially left to fend for himself when you no longer were able to pick him up with a call away or help him out with difficult math problems when you had college to worry about.

It was horrible at first, purely because Jungkook missed you and your kindness. Sure, phone calls and texts worked—but your presence was always more than what words could ever offer, and Jungkook found himself searching for other methods to survive the next two years in high school without you there looking over him.

His football teammates had always been just his football teammates until he was forced to fraternise with them on a deeper level, and he realised that they weren’t too bad. They were fun and full of life, definitely the type of people that he found himself having fun with. He’s always been surrounded with people that were older than him, you, Jimin and Taehyung for example—and having peers his age to hang out with was a pandora box he never knew he’d ever get used to.

Take Eunwoo for example. Jungkook was petrified of him because there was no way a sixteen-year-old could look that could, and if he looked like that before puberty finished its course—then what the hell was he going to look like after?

But he was a nice guy, a fun person to hang out with and he definitely taught Jungkook some things he’d never dare ask Jimin or Taehyung. Things about women and men; the interrelationships that could be navigated with enough practice.

And enter Yuna, the first girl he’s ever had the ability to get to know in his life besides you. It was the typical cheerleader-meets-footballer trope that Jungkook would always scoff at, but according to Eunwoo “it’s only right that the same type of people minded together.”

Jungkook furrowed his brows when Eunwoo clasped him on his back when he told him that with a wink, suggestive eyes when he exposed a not-so-secret that Yuna had on Jungkook after one of their football games during his senior year.

But Jungkook thought otherwise, probably because he remembered you telling him that people were fundamentally different and social interactions with different walks of life only made life more beautiful and worth living. Seeing the diversity in cultures and experiences opens up our hearts to a world that doesn’t exist for us—it keeps us humble.

Jungkook blindly agreed then, likely entranced with you in general to consider the weight of your words. But Eunwoo was like a constant reminder, and he was older then—a little more subdued enough to pay attention to the words of his friend.

And when Jungkook continued his high school life, it seemed like more and more people seemed to pay attention to him. It wasn’t like he was unpopular before, he definitely caught the eyes of many—but it was different then. It was like Jungkook was his own person and people thought he was cool enough to approach.

So when Yuna shyly asked him out for a date, Jungkook said yes even though he still thought of you.

And when Eunwoo slapped a pack of condoms into his palm while his other football teammates hollered, Jungkook took the leap of faith and lost his virginity the same night.

So, yeah. Jungkook did some growing up—and he hopes that it’ll be enough for you to see him as a man.

“—she’s always doing so much that she barely has time for us and I get that she’s always been an overachiever but we miss her, you know?” Jimin complains, and Jungkook just about returns back from his flashback.

“Sorry, what did you say?” Jungkook says sheepishly.

“Were you not listening to me rant for the past five minutes?” Jimin exasperates and Jungkook hears some shuffling and a chuckle, possibly coming from Taehyung, on the other end of the line.

“You do have the tendency to go off tangent, Jimin,” Jungkook mutters.

Jimin scoffs, “It’s called paying attention to the details you brat. But anyway, to sum it up for you since you wanna be annoying—_____ isn’t with us. She’s got this student council thing and a meeting with a bunch of ambassadors visiting the campus in the evening.”

Jungkook blinks, taking a moment to process the information. He smiles fondly to himself, realising that you always did fine on your own—and he supposes it’s always been that way. You were quiet and never imposing, but you still did your best.

“Oh.” Jungkook says, “Will I be able to see her soon?”

Jimin snorts on the other end.

“Why are you asking me? You have her number right?” Jimin retorts, “Though it may be difficult reaching her cause she takes like five business days to reply if you aren’t work-related.”

Jungkook chuckles while he fiddles with his thumb. He can see you working hard, eyebrows furrowed as you type out emails and organise events like the efficient woman you were.

He’s seen pictures of you on social media, courtesy of Jimin and Taehyung who’d post stories of your pouts when they’d drag you out for some social time, according to their captions. And God, did you grow up even more beautiful than you were in high school.

Jungkook saw you as the girl he admired in high school and it was mostly his puppy-loved up brain thinking of you like this super smart and out of his reach senior that he wanted to respect. But now that Jungkook was … older. He still thinks you’re admirable and smart, but he can’t lie and say he didn’t notice other things.

Like how certain tops flatter your collarbones so nicely that he wonders what it’s like to sink his teeth into them. Or how you’ve experimented with tennis skirts that look like easy access for a territory Jungkook’s used as one of many of his spank bank materials. Even the way your eyes innocently glance up in pictures makes Jungkook’s brain hazy.

Jungkook was older, and so were you. The two of you were in college and it was different. You weren’t just his high school senior and he wasn’t just the little kid that worshipped you. It was free game and Jungkook wanted to make to most out of it.

“I will.” Jungkook nods with a declaration and a sense of determination in his chest. “What time does she finish?”

A brief moment of silence until Jimin responds, snorting to himself.

“She usually gets off her meetings at—10 pm?” Jimin ponders out loud. “You’re really going to wait for her?”

Jungkook wants to add he’s been doing that all this while, but keeps it to himself.

“Just can’t wait to see her.” He shrugs casually.

“You still have that schoolboy crush on her?” Jimin teases. But Jungkook doesn’t flush this time. He’s had his handful of experiences to navigate his way with feelings and desire.

“Not a crush.” Jungkook rolls his eyes. But he wasn’t going to admit that to Jimin or Taehyung just yet. “Is it bad to want to see an old friend?”

“Whatever you say, Jungkook.” Jimin sing-songs. “But I will warn you; _____ isn’t the type.”

At this, Jungkook furrows his eyebrows.

“What?”

Jimin sighs, “Whatever it is you’re thinking … stop.” And his words oddly set off an uneasy feeling in Jungkook’s chest that he doesn’t like. “You know _____. She’s not the kind of person that dates or fucks around. I don’t think she’s even looked at any guy on campus ever since we were enrolled two years ago.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, feeling slightly ashamed that he’s been caught so early on. But along with growing up, Jungkook’s grown quite a bit of an ego too.

“What makes you think I want to fuck her? What if I really just miss her?” Jungkook snaps.

“Kook, I love you and you’re my best friend but I’ve seen your Instagram stories and escapades. I have no problem with you being sexually active or whatever—you do you, as long as it’s consensual and within respectable boundaries. I know you think college is like this unobstructed territory where you can just fuck around with people but _____ really isn’t like that. I’ve been there and I’m telling you to drop it.”

Jungkook clenches his jaw, “You’ve wanted to fuck her?” Jungkook accuses.

He can practically hear and feel Jimin’s eye roll over the phone.

“No, you idiot.” Jimin sighs, “I’ve had the same intentions as you with other women. While they may be receiving and comfortable with that, _____ won’t be. I hear and recognise your tone and I’m warning you against it.”

Jungkook purses his lips, wanting to defend himself further. But he realises, who is Jimin to tell him what to do with his life? He isn’t a kid anymore.

“You’re reaching.” Jungkook tells Jimin, “You don’t have to worry okay? I just miss ____ and I want to see her before orientation on Friday. Is that a crime?”

“Again, I don’t know what you really want so I won’t project anymore. But I’m telling you, ______ is _____. You don’t think dudes have tried with her before?”

Somehow the revelation of the fact that you did have two years to mingle around with other people and potentially get with men (or women) that weren’t him causes a different type of dread to fill his stomach, an ugly emotion of jealousy. One that he’s never felt before and he doesn’t like it at all.

“God, I haven’t even seen you yet and you’re already micromanaging my entire life.” Jungkook scowls.

“The double standard is real.” Jimin scoffs, “You used to follow _____ around like a lost puppy when we knew each other first? I feel betrayed, man.” Jimin is joking but the reminder makes Jungkook still.

"That's ... different." Jungkook protests.

Jimin snorts as if he doesn't believe his friend.

"Oh, it is different all right. You, my friend, are whipped." He snickers, "Too bad the two of you are basically polar opposites, huh?"

Jungkook freezes on the other end when Jimin casually lets it slip the thought that somewhat plagues his mind, too.

"We're not that different." Jungkook defends himself.

"Says you Mr Athlete all throughout high school. I bet you ten bucks that you were already recruited by one of the football dudes here."

Jungkook scowls because Jimin was spot on.

"Okay. I do sports and she doesn't. That's it." Jungkook snaps.

Jimin clicks his tongue, "You're all for the attention, dude. _____ always keeps it on the down-low while you do your best when people are cheering you on. It's like the spotlight follows you wherever you go and she does her best avoiding it."

Jimin clenches his jaw because while Jimin's words were lighthearted, and he knew better than to ever put you down because the three of you were all good friends—the fact that someone as close to the two of you as Jimin; was laying out the obvious makes Jungkook doubt himself a lot more.

"Oh, and you're the best at psychoanalysing people right?" Jungkook sneers.

Jimin snickers on the other end but Jungkook can't find it in himself to laugh.

"Relax. I'm joking, all right?" Jimin reassures his friend. "You don't even like her that way, right? That's what you said anyway."

Right. He didn't. That's what he told Jimin.

"Right," Jungkook says stiffly.

"If the two of you ever ended up together, though ..." It's as if Jimin was the one dead-set on pushing for it as Jungkook wishes for him to drop it. "Nah. It wouldn't happen. It probably wouldn't work out either."

Jungkook forces a dry chuckle before muttering a lame excuse and hanging up.

He loved Jimin, the guy was a good friend on an average day and an absolute sweetheart on better ones. And Jungkook knew that Jimin meant no malice when he spoke of the potential relationship between you and Jungkook because, well ... Jungkook has always been the younger guy. And that would be weird, wouldn't it?

But Jungkook knows he's done some growing up. And he'll prove it—in whatever way possible.

Jimin doesn’t need to know.

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