#to the question can you make Egyptian Gods gay

[b--art]

HORUS

Egyptian God of Kingship and skies. Son of Osiris and Isis. After his father, sovereign of the Gods, died by the hands of Horus' uncle, Seth, Horus defeated the traitor and was crowned the first pharaoh of Egypt. His father, reincarnated, assumed the throne of the Underworld.

#to the question can you make Egyptian Gods gay #yes you can #art #drawing #illustration #design #male #gay art #comics #concept art #mythology #egyptian #egypt #digital portrait #digital art #digital illustration #my art #horus #ancient egypt #egyptian mythology #myth #osiris

[manipulatorkaleidoscope]

Omega strikers incorrect quotes (part 3!!)

(yes I’m going to make a new one each time a new strikers shows)

💌🎀☁️🌈✨🌛⭐️🌜✨🌈☁️🎀💌

Finii: Watcha doin? Vyce: Stealing my neighbour’s cat. Finii: Scandalous. Finii: Can I help?

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Luna: Don’t stay up all night, Atlas! Last time you got sleep derived you tried to eat your own shirt!

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Juno: You have to apologize to Asher! Luna: Fine! Luna: Unfuck you, or whatever!

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Estelle: So, are you two dating now? Kai & Era: Yes. Estelle: Why? Kai: I happen to find Era very appealing. Estelle: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Era.

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Era: Today at 7 am, X poured a Monster energy drink in his coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing. Kai: I watched X brew his coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think he’s ascended into the astral realm. Rasmus: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me. 💌🎀☁️🌈✨🌛⭐️🌜✨🌈☁️🎀💌

Era: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Kai a little bit. AiMi, holding Era's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation. Era: No, that's our joint tombstone. AiMi: My mistake. 💌🎀☁️🌈✨🌛⭐️🌜✨🌈☁️🎀💌

Zentaro, watching power lines fall down: AiMi, Finii! The town is exploding and it's very pretty!

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Vyce : Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies? Octavia: Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials. Asher: It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby. Atlas: Rock also defeats baby.

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Kai, about Rasmus: I could fix him, but honestly whatever the hell is wrong with him is way funnier. Rune: That's what any god probably thinks about me.

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Drek’ar : :) Rune: >:( Drek’ar : Turn that frown upside down! Rune: ):< Drek’ar : Not sure what I was expecting…

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Store Worker: Would a “Estelle” please come to the front desk? Estelle, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker, pointing to Juliette and Dubu: I believe they belong to you? Juliette and Dubu, simultaneously: We got lost. Estelle: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—

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Finii: My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.

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Rune: And now for a gay update with Estelle and Asher . Estelle: Getting gayer. Rune: Thank you, Estelle.

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Rasmus: Hey Estelle. Estelle: *punches Rasmus in the stomach* Rasmus: What the fuck? Estelle: You are one of my very best friends. And I cannot stand by and watch you throw away your life like this. You're too young... YOU'RE TOO BEAUTIFUL! Rasmus: What the fuck are you talking about? Kai: hey guy- Estelle: I'm talking about the baby that's growing inside of your belly right now. Kai: See ya! *leaves * Rasmus: I'm not pregnant! Estelle: Well, not after that punch you're not. I've been taking muay thai classes. Rasmus: I was never pregnant, Estelle! Estelle: Are... you sure? Rasmus: Yes I'm fucking sure! Rasmus’s mom: I'm sorry, but why the fuck is everybody yelling over here? Estelle: Oh, I found this positive pregnancy test and - Rasmus’s mom: *punches Rasmus in the stomach* Rasmus: AW, MOTHERFU-

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Juliette: Can I have a private talk with you? Asher: Okay, as long as it’s not about tampons because I just don’t understand them.

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Asher: I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this. X: I literally said “I have an idea,” and you just went along with it without question.

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Zentaro: Whoa, Luna, what’s up with that angry face? Luna: Finii won’t stop talking about how “Ancient Egyptians were furries”. Finii : But they were! Just looks at all their gods- Luna: Oh my god, SHUT UP!

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Finii : Tell Octavia off, Juno! Assert yourself! Juno: That's my ice cream! Finii : Good! Now let her have it!! Juno, handing Octavia the ice cream: Here, you can have it!

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Everyone is playing a board game together AiMi: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'. Zentaro : I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'. Luna: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'. Atlas: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'. Luna: *flips the board*

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Vyce : Dumbest scar stories, go! Dubu: Dubu! (I burned my tongue once drinking tea.) Juliette: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned. Luna: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Asher: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn. Zentaro: I have emotional scars.

#omega strikers #omega strikers incorrect quotes

[nerdygaymormon]

It’s my third decade around this lovely planet. I was raised in Utah, Catholic, gay. I portrayed being straight in high school, gained some scratches and dents and came out after graduating (broken but safe). Now, I am puzzling life. In my mind, playing with the idea of being a father. The typical, going with nature.

Years ago, I asked God for a sign, he replied. And I kept eating, different, versions of the Bible’s, languages, perspectives and enjoying great ancient history. Seeing patterns, rewriting my own philosophies until my belly was pretty full.

I’ve come to learn that being gay is like my ADD, it’s something you’re born with. And life is like my bad astigmatism, but you can refocus to see. But even I burden pain. It’s not that I find Men attractive, it’s that love is involved. I can’t change my dreams. By now I’ve realized that I’m going straight to hell (turning to dust, mormon version). Unless, I manage to live the after life, as the great Egyptians did.. etc.

And i know my options, I can be like a eunuch, not having relationships, sticking with church oh but not being castrated, yet I still burn in hell, aka into dust. I can pretend to be straight, get married, have children and you know the rest. And surrogacy.

So my question, so if someone like me chooses to go against the nature of the church. Surrogacy, rearing and rasing a semi righteous family… then it’s not as bad as burning in hell right ? Dust.

please do not take this offensive, I’m trying to figure out, my own things.

Hello anon,

If I'm understanding, you're writing to say you want to be a dad and you're thinking about the ways this could be done--marry a woman, adopt, or surrogacy.

I think that's a beautiful dream, to want to be a dad.

I also think being a parent is tough if you don't have a partner who can help do all that needs to be done, but there's plenty of single parents out there who show it can be done.

I'm not sure why you think you're going to Hell? Because you're gay? Do you really think that the God who let you be born gay also is going to condemn you for that? I don't get how that makes sense. That's like saying you're going to Hell for your astigmatism.

My view is God loves queer people because God is our Father and because God loves diversity.

————————————————————-

I'm going to share a few links to things I've written about scripture passages, maybe these will provide some hope

The story of Sodom & Gomorrah is often used to justify bigotry and violence against gay people, but maybe this is exactly what the story is warning against.

Consider the story of Jonathan & David, the possibility that this is a same-sex relationship blessed by God has made it a favorite of queer Christians.

God put Ashpenaz & Daniel together, consider that when pondering whether gay people have a 1-way ticket to Hell.

Jesus healed the male lover of the Roman Centurion soldier, what does this indicate about Jesus' views on same-sex love?

Jesus taught that "eunuchs" (which, in context, seems clear he’s speaking of men who don’t have a desire or attraction for women) are not required to marry women

Paul gives an argument which supports gay marriages

Frankly, most Bible verses used against gay people don't hold up when put back in context. And there's certainly many principles taught in the Bible that support encouraging love between two people.

[theconqueeror]

Selling cheap Steam games

300+ games. They’re either super cheap or just old games removed from steam (that can still be activated and played, just not bought directly from the store).

If you want to level up your library & hoard tons of games, here’s your super cheap chance! 1 game for $1. Or bundles, 10 games for $8, 20 for $15, etc. 

All the games are listed under “keep reading” and if you have any questions just shoot me a message!

Accurate Segmentation 3 Ace Of Words Achievement Collector: Cat Achievements Printer Adva-lines Adventures of Heroes Again? AironBall: The Floating Lands AI War: Fleet Command Alien Bubble Destroyer Alien Invaders All Guns On Deck aMAZE (5 games for $3! includes: Double, Easter, Classic, 3D, Lunar) Another Otter AppleSnake2 Arcane ReRaise + Arcane PreRaise Archery Practice Aviation Hurricane Storm BACK TO EBATORIA BAIKO BAIKO Baikonur Space Beer Bar Behind The Door Beyond Reality Bitcoin Clicker BitRay Bizango Blast Blackwater Bayou Blockstorm Blonde Driver Blood of Old Bomber Crew Braveland Breezeblox BoneBone: Rise of the Deathlord Boons Farm Build buildings Bunnyrama Capture the monster Caramba! Caravan Castle Rencounter Cave Adventures Caveman Alive Caves! Chocolate makes you happy Chowderchu Circle Pong Click and Manage Tycoon City of Chains Cludbugz’s Twisted Magic Countryballs: Over The World CRACKHEAD Crankies Workshop: Grizzbot Assembly Crash Drive 2 Crazy Alien Crazy Pirate Crypts of Anak Shab Crystal City Cube - The Jumper Cunning Fox Dangerous Skies 80’s edition DarkEnd Dead Bits Dead Pixels Adventure! Death Penalty: Beginning Debtor Deep Blue Defend the planet Demon robot runner Direwolf Disco Zombie Rampage 2 DISTRAINT: Deluxe Edition Dodge Dummy DOKA 2 Dolphins-cyborgs and open space Double Stretch Douche Bag Dracula’s Library Dragon Perception Draw Rider 2 Dropping of the Dead DRUNK WIZARDS Dungeons of the dead Dungetris EGO PROTOCOL Egyptian Senet El Matador Enclave Endorlight Energy nodes Epic drag puZOOls Epic PVP Castles Epic roll Fable Rush + OST (DLC) Fall Of Light Far Cnight FastGo Running Figure Quest Finder Five Rooms Flotus Fruit Pop II Furry Stories: Alpha-Male G-DINO’S JUNGLE ADVENTURE GAI travel GALAXY 3D SPACE DEFENDER Glitch Simulator 2018 God vs Zombies Gold Rush! Classic Golf Extreme Gomo GooCubelets (3 random versions of the game for $1.5! Includes: GooCubelets, GooCubelets 2, The Algorithm, OCD, The Void) Grandpa Grav Blazer Gravity puzzles Greeng 2D Dungeon Grunt1914 Guns of Icarus Alliance H.I.S.T.O.R.Y T.O.R.C.H.K.A 2 Hard Rock Zombie Truck Head Shot Heaven Island VR Heckabomb HellCat Hentai Shooter 3D Art Collection DLC Hero Quest: Tower Conflict Heroic Dungeon + OST (DLC) High Cats Huntsman: The Orphanage Hurricane Ship Ghost In The Fighting Incoming Forces Infinite Fall Infinite Road Injured by space Joumee The Hedgehog Jump to the circle Kamikaze Cube 2 King Killer Backflip 5 Knife Battles Laggerjack Learn to Drive on Moto Wars Light Gravity Cube LittleBigSoko Loader Lock Parsing 2 Lord VS Nas Vai Lost in the tomb Lost Moon Lost with Dinosaurs Machine With a Big Gun Mad Dagger 2 McPixel Measurement Problem Melting World Online Mid or Feed Mind Portal Mini Gold Coop Mission Wolf Monarch of Greed Act 1 Monsters & Anomaly Monsti Mr.Jezko Neonicum Ninja from Hell vs. Reptiloids NitroRage Noise Normality Occult Raise Ochkarik Oddworld: Abe’s Oddysee Oh My Gore! OneScreen Solar Sails One Tank to Rule Them All Outer Space Outrunner 2 Overcast - Walden and the Werewolf Overhead Owen to have fun! Pain Train Paint Skills Park the Car Particula Perimeter Pixel Hentai Mosaic Platypus II Police Adventure Potatoe Poultry Panic Pressure Princess.Loot.Pixel.Again x2 Psi Project 2 Psychedelic platformer Psychonauts Puzzle Agent Puzzle Chambers Quadrant M4 Qvabllock Rage Parking Simulator 2016 Raccoon Hero Under The Sea Range Ball Ranger in Spider’s den Rats - Time is running out! Red Risk ReX Rise Up RKN - Roskomnadzor Banned The Internet RKN Simulator Robot Chase Robot Squad Simulator 2017 Rolling Sun Running Man 3D Russian world cup battlegrounds Ruthless Safari Safeguard Garrison Space Colonies SAMOLIOTIK Santa Runner Save President From Rebels scram: scrammunism DLC Septerra Core Shooting Stars Silent Tweets Simple Story – Alex Sky Road Slayer Of Traitors Sleengster Snail Racer EXTREME SNIPER TANKS Soccer Versus Sometimes: Success Requires Sacrifice SPACECOM Space Chaos Spaceguy 2 Star Shield Down Star Wolves 2 Stickman - Killer of Apples Story: Heaven & Hell (Complete Edition) Street Racing + OST (DLC) Suicide Guy Suicide Guy: Sleepin' Deeply Super Furi Puzzles Super Inefficient Golf Survival Tycoon Symbiotic Overload Tanks!!! Tank Game Teenager vs.Tropical Mutants Temptation The 39 Steps The Battle for the Hut The Best Of MagiCats The Crypts of Anak Shaba The Culling Of The Cows The Dark Stone from Mebara The Deed The Deed 2 The Deer The Last Mission The Last Photon The Last Tower The Life of One Dog The Momo Game The Ninja Path The Official GamingTaylor Game, Great Job! The Orb Chambers II The Prison Experiment The Putinland: Divide & Conquer The Rare Nine The Wanderings Dragon Theatre of War 2: Africa 1943 THREE CANDYBERRY MATCH Torch Cave 2 Torture Chamber Totally Mayhem Treasures of the Ancients: Egypt Trials of Illuminati Assorted Jigsaw Trials of Illuminati Sea Creatures Trials of Illuminati Christmas Time Jigsaw Trials of the Illuminati: Cityscape Animated Jigsaws Trials of The Illuminati: Snack Time Jigsaw Puzzles Trials of Illuminati Women of Beauty Trio Tritan Initiative Turn the bridge Uganda know de way Unknown Battle Uriel's Chasm 2: את Vault of Honor Vickinachi Viking's drakkars WAR_WAR_WAR: Smiles vs Ghosts Warlords Awakening Weird Dungeon Explorer: Defender Weird Dungeon Explorer: Run Away WildGooChase Why So Evil 2: Dystopia WIN THE GAME: DO IT! Woodle Tree Adventures World War III: Black Gold World of Tea WWII – TD Yellow: The Yellow Artifact Your Car Shooter ZAMBI 2 KIL Zatwor trilogy: Absconding Zatwor, Break Into Zatwor, Fiends of Imprisonment ZiL Truck RallyCross Zimbo Zombow

#steam codes #steam games #steam sale #steam keys #cheap games

[maddiefriendlovesbilly]

Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

#spencer x ghost #jess writes #ishhhhh??????? #venturiantale #venturiantale pie #johnny ghost #spencer acachalla #johnny toast #jimmy casket #fred spooker #let me know if you enjoyed this or not it was intense #sr #ship review #ship reviews #vt ships #vt ship reviews #vt ship review #vt sr

[miss-edith-cushing]

Tag people you want to know better / catch up with. I've been tagged by @ashfae and I’m not surprised at all - she probably noticed how much I love tag games; and the second I saw someone on my dash answering those questions I hoped Ashfae will be a dear and will tag me, and of course I wasn’t wrong - so thank you!

Last song: Zbigniew Preisner - Niebo (Sky) - performed by Elżbieta Towarnicka It’s the last piece with lyrics I listened to, so I guess I should choose this one. It’s an aria from Preisner’s ‘De Aegypto’ (called also ‘Egyptian Opera’), which is... I’m not entirely sure what is that - it was a spectacle performed in TV, but I never listened and seen all of it, and I don’t think it’s available in any way, legally or illegaly. You may know Preisner as a composer who created film scores for Krzysztof Kieślowski’s movies, the best known of which are The Three Colours Trylogy (’White’, ‘Blue’ and ‘Red’) and ‘The Double Life of Veronique’. Elżbieta Towarnicka is his probably favourite performer, and you will clearly hear why (she worked with him also on scores for films I just mentioned). The piece itself was inspired by the Egyptian Book of the Dead and the lyrics refer to it.

You know what, this is such a beautiful song and lyrics in the comments are not properly translated, so I’ll do it for you:

You are the yesterday,

You are the today,

You are the tomorrow,*

And you have the power to be born for the second time.

You are the divine soul

That created the gods,

You are strong,

Brightness lasts** in your heart.

Let him wander in peace,

Let him cross*** the skies,

Let him worship the brightness,

Let him, let him, let him.

I am the yesterday,

I am the today,

I am the tomorrow

And I have the power to be born for the second time,

For the second time.

* Using one word for naming the days - yesterday, today and tomorrow - sounds kinda dull here, because the language of this song is very formal. Normally when we want to say ‘yesterday’, we say just ‘wczoraj’ instead of ‘dzień wczorajszy’ (day... yesterday-y??? the first word means just ‘day’, the second word is an adjective), and that rather unusual pattern was used here to describe the days. I have no clue if English has any equivalent of that; but I felt giving you this information is important.

** The verb here, ‘trwać’, have many meanings, and one of them is ‘to last’. I’m not sure if that’s perfect word here - maybe I should choose ‘stay’. 'Trwać’ means here that the brightness in his heart will not fade away - it’s so special not because the circumstances are unfavourable for it to exist, but because that described being is a creature with an unique nature that ensures him to keep the brightness in himself.

*** Do you remember that iconic line from ‘Bram Stoker’s Dracula’ with Gary Oldman? ‘I have crossed oceans of time to find you’? This is exactly the meaning. ‘Przemierzać’ means to travel for a very long time and across a huge distance, so the journey feels like it will never end (which doesn’t have to be an unpleasant feeling). It can be a journey repeated routinely on one road (like the sun, or the ship that cruises between two harbors) or a way of roaming through large space in many directions (like a continent or a sea).

Hey, look who started babbling again, how unexpected.

Last movie: At home: ‘Secretary’ (2002). I’ve seen it many years ago and didn’t remember much, and now I liked it a lot. For my film d’auteur class: ‘La Chute de la Maison Usher’ by Jean Epstein. Pure beauty. And I gave in on Thursday and went to IMAX to watch ‘Tenet’. I’m very serious about this whole pandemic business, but I sure as hell ain’t gonna watch this movie for the first time on the screen of my laptop. I’m not entirely sure what happened, this whole wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff was too complicated to understand so quickly, so I’ll definitely watch it again, but it blew me away and that’s exactly what I wished to happen.

Currently Watching: ‘Supernatural’. It’s the last season, five episodes left... Ugh, I’m already getting nervous. And I guess that’s it... I haven’t watched any new show lately, except for miniseries like ‘Des’ (GOSH that was so good). I don’t feel like starting any new shows and when a few months ago I tried to watch ‘Masters of Sex’ I’ve noticed binge-watching makes me very depressed and nervous very easily, so I stopped. I have a few shows I’m planning to watch, but not many, i.e. ‘Killing Eve’, ‘The Terror’ and ‘The Queen’s Gambit’ - the last one mostly because Marcin Dorociński plays in it - this dude should be more famous than Leonardo DiCaprio and win one award after another. If you have HBO GO, ‘Bez tajemnic’ (’Without secrets’), Polish version of ‘In treatment’, should be available there - there are plenty of incredible and legendary actors in this show, but he is the absolute star of it. And for fellow David Tennant’s fans out there: I haven’t watched ‘Spies of Warsaw’ yet, but Dorociński played Antoni Pakulski there and certainly was great too.

Currently Reading: I just started ‘My Brilliant Friend’ by Elena Ferrante - my therapist says I’m very much like the title character and I’m very curious what does it mean. I have also a few articles about theory of cinema to read for my tomorrow’s course: ‘On the politique des auteurs’ and ‘The Ontology of the Photographic Image‘ by André Bazin and ‘The birth of a new avant-garde: La caméra-stylo’ by Alexandre Astruc. SO damn interesting. And SHIT-TON of books about Medea - I’m writing my master’s thesis about her, but please don’t ask me about it, I’m already panicking.

Currently Craving: A good long sleep that would last for at least eight hours. To feel strong and healthy enough (I’m extremely tired, my back and stomach hurt like hell) so I could be able to clean up a little, wash my woolen sweaters by hand (I’m not throwing them into washing machine, they cost too much to risk any damage), organize my desk and uni notes from last year... I’m in one of those rare, but powerful moods of making lists of things to take care of and just... putting my world in order. And visiting places. And I would gladly just spend nice, simple time with some of my friends - just having fun and talking about important, but not especially painful stuff. I really, really need to meet with Olaf, my best friend from work, and joke with him, and talk with him like a new bi person with an old-timer gay person, and get to know him better.

Anyone surprised my replies are so long? I’m not.

And now the worst, stressful part: tagging. @dearcrowley @heart-blood-death @darkanachronism - but if you’d like to answer those questions and haven’t tag you, feel invited to do it and please tag me so I could see it!

#personal #shit this is a damn long post #i'm almost embarassed about it #almost - because i do a lot of interesting things and i'm not going to bully myself into thinking i shouldn't talk about them

[tanz-kemetica]

Why Kemetic Fandom is GOOD!

Ok, so first off let me just state that gatekeepers are essentially walking jizzbags and that gatekeeping, as a whole, is a blatant act of insecure jizzbaggery. At least 85% of all functioning humans recognize this. That other 15%? Well, they’re just a bunch of pent-up incels and it shows. Ever had an interest in something and then were assailed by controlling know-it-alls? If you answered YES then you’ve experienced gatekeeping firsthand.

Let’s explore the concept of gatekeeping. First off, it’s a practice built on irrational fear. Why would you build a gate in the first place? To keep yourself safe? To protect resources? To keep the good in and the bad out? So, in a subject of interest, fandom, etc, what are you protecting yourself against? What valuable resources can be stolen by outsiders? How do you delineate good from evil, if in fact you even subscribe to such absolutes? Remaining family-friendly in such environs aside, what harm can it realistically do if someone makes a joke or ships a couple or has a unique headcanon? Honestly.

Often enough, gatekeepers are highly insecure individuals who attach themselves to a subject, show or whatever that makes them feel better about themselves (edgelords, essentially, but can range from teens to tenured academics). As the subject/show/etc in question is important to them, it must be held with the same reverence or else the gate will start to shut. Imagine Star Trek: the Next Generation is your favorite show of all time & Jean-Luc Picard is your favorite character. How you react with and to others is what is essentially important in any fandom. Internally, you can have the greatest respect for the character, what he stands for, how he interacts with others, et al, and still be ok with someone (who may or may not be new to the show) who, let’s say, writes a purposely funny fanfic idea about Picard & Q riding off into the sunset together as a gay couple with big sombreros ready to engage in all sorts of antics. It’s when people take serious issue over something as silly as that and then proceed to lecture and virtue signal and all that happy crappy that it starts to sour the experience of the community. Someone has just come up and said that such a joke or idea is wrong, highly offensive, ignorant, etc and that it absolutely besmirches the very archetype of Jean-Luc Picard. This person isn’t merely sharing their view, they begin to speak for the whole community when they try to shut the gate. If such views aren’t challenged, the perception of the community as a whole suffers and looks toxic to the outside. This is especially important in the realm of religion, ‘mythology’-based pantheons in particular.

In a perfect world, areas of interest (not just fandoms) should be safe spaces for everyone and mods will be quick to step in and mediate every dispute. Of course, reality far from mirrors that ideal and spaces act as they do. It’s understandable that a community will want to be taken seriously. After all, no one likes to be made fun of, to feel lesser or that their interest is a joke. Kemeticism, in some larger circles, wants to be viewed as a respectable religion and gain the same recognition/protected status as, say, Christianity or Judaism. That’s perfectly fine in it’s own right. It’s when these ‘respectable’ people start going after the person who, essentially, made the Jean-Luc/Q joke that it becomes a problem. 

See, the Ancient Egyptians weren’t all doom and gloom. Yes, reverence and discipline were there, but in the appropriate times and places. Humor was abundant in old Egypt, beer was plentiful and wild stories were the norm. People making a joke about Set & Horus gallivanting around in the gayest way possible wouldn’t have spawned an impromptu stoning. It would just be laughed at because, while practice and belief were important personally, humor (even the irreverent kind) was not just perfectly acceptable to the common man but also normal.

Alright, where am I going with all of this? Kemetic ‘fandom’ is GOOD! Just because people make fun jokes or offer the gods modern foods (Set loves spicy Cheetohs and disco balls!) doesn’t necessarily mean that their personal practice is bad, their scholarship is shaky, their commitment should be questioned or that they should be lectured and kicked out of Kemetic spaces. It just means that sometimes people like to have fun (especially in a serious faith) and that they like to make light of things. In my opinion, it makes spaces more accessible, fun, light-hearted and full of real human beings, not incomplete-scholarship-spewing robots with inferiority complexes. I wear ‘kemetic fandom’ as a badge of honor because humor humanizes the gods, makes them more approachable and invites legitimate research after first interest. Gatekeepers take life way too seriously. Sometimes you just have to chill out and have hard hot apple cider with Hathor, soak up a hangover with some fig newtons with Set or get down with some sick beats from DJ Hooty-hoot!           

#kemeticism #kemetic fandom #fandom #egypt #mummy #pagan #fun #kemetic #ancient egypt #gods #goddesses #pyramids #religion #gatekeeping #psychology #worship #upg #amun #amun-ra #isis #aset #osiris #wesir #mehen #mythology #set #seth #sutekh #dua #duat

[starswallowingsea]

Catholic Guilt

1400 words and very, very personal. This is mostly based on my personal experience but I don’t doubt that some of it will ring true for other lgbtq+ ex Catholics. Content warnings for homophobia, transphobia (internal and external for both), and anti-choice sentiments. 

Today, you were born. Congratulations! You have been brought into this world by your very loving parents. They give you a name and swaddle you in blankets to take you home in a few days. You will be baptized in a few weeks, dipped into the holy water to cleanse you of your sins before you can do anything besides eat, sleep, and poop. 

You spend the first few months attending Mass with your parents. They give you some teething toys or your bottle to keep you from disturbing the rest of the Congregation. Having a baby disrupt the Mass will make your family look bad, after all. 

You are now three years old, old enough to walk and talk. You pull out the Misselletes and flip through them, tearing out the flimsy pages and laughing. Your parents pull you away and give you a cardboard book with pictures to look at. They look away and you run off again. 

You are five years old now! Such a big child, I remember when you were a little baby crying from the baby carrier in the back of the Church! It’s time for Sunday School! There are only five children there for your age group. You spend an hour after Mass every Sunday eating snacks and doing Catholic Crafts. 

Happy First Communion! You are eight years old now, still not quite old enough to think for yourself, but you have to go to Confession for the first time now. You aren’t sure what to say and make something up about hating your siblings if you have any. Maybe you stole some chocolate from your family, but you don’t really know what needs to be confessed. The teachers told you to tell Father everything, but some things feel too personal to tell. Your parents dress you up in the fanciest clothes you remember wearing so you can go up and eat some bread and drink some wine in front of everyone. There are pictures afterwards. 

Welcome to Middle School! You are 12 years old now, starting to think for yourself. You say you still like the Church and you still mostly blindly follow their teachings, but sometimes you think other thoughts. Sometimes you see ads that are pro-Choice and you think “that’s stupid,” but then you think about what you would do if you got pregnant. You banish the thought, because having sex at age 12 is not something you should be thinking about anyway (even though you sometimes think about your classmates like that). You’ve already been questioning your sexuality at this point, but you try not to think about it, because being gay is a sin. 

14 years old and still following the Church. You’ve shaped some vague opinions on hot topic issues, still following the guide of the Church. You hear the Priest talk about how abortion is murder and how gay and trans people are ruining the sanctity of life. You quietly fume about one of these issues, but quickly move on, as the Priest has gone off on another tangent about veganism now. You continue going to confession only when Sunday School tells you to. You now have a better idea of what to confess but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Maybe if you keep it bottled up God will never see it. But speaking makes it real and you can’t even think about confessing to some of the things you’ve done even though you know you should. So you make something up and you know the Priest doesn’t believe you but you do your Hail Marys and Our Fathers as penance. Afterwards there is a pit in your stomach because you know God can still see what you didn’t confess. 

You are 15 now, just starting high school and everyone seems so different now. You’ve known these kids since you were five, but you’ve always been the odd one out. You try and follow the Church’s teachings about living a holy life in example for others but it just makes you tired. So you stop caring during the week. You attend some youth groups to “keep the faith strong” but by now you know that you aren’t straight or cis and it just hurts. Every little comment just chips away at you until you feel complete apathy towards both Catholicism and Christianity in general. You still go to summer camp and winter retreats because you have lots of fun outside of the religious activities but prayer is tiring and the microaggressions leave you feeling empty and alone. 

Sweet 16! You can drive now, and you’re still on the fence about the Church. You don’t miss Sunday Masses ever and it gives you structure to life. It is also the year you get confirmed. Your Church does Confirmation later than most. You are surrounded by 8th graders and your little group of High School Juniors. Even though you don’t have any bad feelings about having to go to Church on Sundays until now, the Bishop standing in front of you says that you should die for who you are. You are trans and queer and so deep in the closet you feel like you have to hide your phone screen from your parents all the time even if you aren’t looking at pride related posts. You heard your parents say once that gay marriage was ruining the country and decided never to come out, and now a Bishop, someone with a lot of local authority, says that trans people are freaks and gay people are irredeemable. You make a silent promise to yourself to dissociate with the Church. But for now, you sit, stoney faced, knowing that this man has to bless you into the Church. You feel that pit in your stomach again. 

Welcome to adulthood, age 18! How exciting! You’ll be going to college soon and you need to decide if you want to keep going to Church. You know your parents and grandparents want you to go but after a few weeks you know they won’t know if you stop. They don’t ask about the Priest or his homilies or activities happening in the Church. You get away with it too, because the Church services on Campus overlap with the ones at home. You continue to go through the end of the semester, needing the time to think and walk before going back to class the next day. You hear the Priest here, too, tell you that abortion is murder but you know that people don’t go getting abortions willy-nilly and silently fume. You don’t socialize with anyone in the congregation so when you stop going in the Spring, you don’t think they notice you left. 

You come home for break, now sure that you don’t want to be Catholic, but your parents still drag you to Church every Sunday. You’ve taken this time to think about other religions that have appeals to you, including paganism and Greek, Roman, and Egyptian deities. You’ve tried worshipping them all, but when things get rough, your mind drifts back to Mary, the Saints, Jesus, God. You still keep that little gold pin in your car to keep you safe while driving and you still call to Saint Anthony when you lose something, and sometimes you still think you feel a response as Saint Anthony draws your eyes to the one spot you missed and shows you what you were looking for. 

Even in the dark of night, when you let your guard down and cry, you cry out to Mary for help. You feel a comforting presence there, and then you feel a pit in your stomach again because you want out of this religion but you can’t seem to let go no matter how hard you try. So you let Mary wrap her arms around you as you confess everything to her and then wake up and try again to forget everything you’ve grown up with. Your life until now has been so entrenched in the Church and it's hard to separate the good from the bad. You still want to go back but you know you will never be accepted for who you are. 

So you just stop trying to get out quickly and start trying to undo the years of trauma and guilt instead, that you know will never go away entirely. 

#ex catholic #excatholic #catholic guilt #religious trauma #shay speaks #shay writes #religion // #sorry for all the ex catholic posts I discovered the tag recently and haven't been able to stop thinking #anyway. this is what I felt growing up through the lense of religion #*lens #although these have been very cathartic to write I will say

[mikenewtonhateblog]

My oc’s aka too long of a gd post

The “BL” Crew (does not stand for boys love I’m just a moron who made that abbreviation before knowing what it stands for). My main crew and main series, a lot is a big WIP right now as I’m slowly redoing the first book and all the lore. Why? I love torture. Book is fantasy type but I won’t specify what.

Lacie, the protagonist. God tier idiot, bisexual bipolar depressed MESS, insomniac, former theater kid, doesn’t know what she wants out of life but currently it is not This(plot of book). Hot headed, impulsive, crude, rude, Mommy IssuesTM, would rather be taking a nap right now, rules are made to be broken, absolutely fucking FERAL, more bags under her eyes than the airport lost and found. 5’5, 130lbs, Aries, age 18, white as shit like literally the whitest human you have ever seen, strawberry blonde hair in a 2011 Hayley Willaims haircut with long bangs, the darkest brown eyes you’ve ever seen that stare directly into your soul. Lanky, no curves, body of a 12 year old boy but works out so she can and will kick your ass and thats a threat. Not human?

Josh. Soft boy, smart, Lacie’s cousin and only friend for like the first 18 years of her life, autistic anxious mess who’s special interest is anchient egyptian history, is in honors classes, despises math, passes out when his girlfriend looks too cute, just needs a hug. Can eat a whole carton of easy mac if left alone, whole wardobe is the same outfit just different colors/hoodies, sensory issues, seriously can someone give this guy a hug. 5’9, 150lbs, Pisces, age 18, mixed (half whatever flavor of white Lacie’s family is [they don’t even know its just some scandanavian shit and irish], and half mexican on his mom’s side), medium olive skin with freckles and moles, dark chocolate brown hair that’s a bit of a 2009 Beiber cut, warm brown eyes, not beefy, a lil thicc and self concious about it but squishy boys are GOOD. Gets bit by a werewolf so now he is one his mood on it is “thats a lot to unpack but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away”.

Zander. There is not one braincell in this man, himbo KING, pansexual dumbass with undiagnosed ADHD, no impulse control, head empty and full at the same time, PTSD, his fashion sense should be an actual crime, gets in fights to feel something, basic requirements for him to be attracted to you: kick his ass. Drinks his respect women juice, sees a folding table and must immediately launch himself on it, chaotic, cannot drive a car and will not, food aggression and eats enough for 3 people but never gains weight which is ILLEGAL, him and Lacie may be a couple.....but in this house we stan slow burn, he talks in caps and every sentence either ends with a question mark or exclaimation point, likes romcoms. 6’2, 190lbs, Sagittarius, age 19, austrailian roots and has the accent but is from [REDACTED FOR STORY REASONS], white, dorito shaped with long legs, blueish black hair that’s long and messy, dark navy eyes that match his hair, bigass neck scar from [REDACTED]. Not human

Peter. Gay dad friend who is TIRED of having to be in charge of a bunch of teenagers, only one with full functioning braincells, lowkey a genius who loves engineering, mixes magical technology with human technology because he likes to play god, is he ever sober? No one knows, will kill for a bottle of single malt, his fashion sense? Tastefully expensive suits perfectly tailored. Likes building his own weapons that no one else knows how to even use, generally non-threatening but can get scary if needed. 6’4, 140lbs string bean man, Scorpio, age 179 but looks early 30s, I know I said Lacie is the whitest human but he’s even paler like a literal sheet of paper with scandanavian roots/ancestors were vikings or some shit, blonde hair styled like 2013 Brendon Urie lmfao, light crystal blue eyes. He’s a vampire and was born one.

Danielle. Tiny, sweet, queen of girls supporting girls, comments on all her friends instagram posts with 20 emojis, LOVES fashion and has a wardrobe that would make anyone jealous, oozes feminine energy, only child and parents are in love still, gets exactly 8 hours of sleep each night and wakes up looking like a disney princess. Just because she is small and cute doesn’t mean you should underestimate her she WILL fuck your shit up. Quiet when angey which is terrifying. Josh is her bf and she loves him so much but also loves teashing the shit out of him. Legally cannot cuss, polite, used her high heels as a weapon once, speaks like 5 languages because studying them is her hobby, gardens, hugs everyone. 5’0, 110, Taurus, age 18, mixed (half french-american, half Korean-american), glowy skin always, PETITE frame aka the friend everyone can pick up when they hug, long past her waist curly brown hair, bright green eyes. She’s not fully human as she has fae blood in her and this gives her the ability to talk to and control plants. Flower crowns for everyone

Becca. Theater kid who would die to sing in Wicked and has the vocal range to do so, cannot wait to graduate and go to her dream college which she got into and a scholarship, closeted lesbian bc her whole giant family is extremely catholic and she feels like not dealing with it, “no boys allowed in bedroom” rule is her favorite joke, chill, middle child of 5 siblings and just wants some peace and quiet for ONCE. Her fashion sense is “I’m dropping subtle hints I’m gay but only to other gays”, has a black belt and took self defense classes. 5’6, 145lbs, Virgo, age 18, Latina (cuban and mexican mix), darker brown skin with light freckles over her nose, athletic build, eyebrows on POINT, bright caramel eyes, short light brown hair cut in a bob, has a tiny nose stud, always wears a blue friendship bracelet her gf made her. Human

Anika. Calling her a bitch/slut is a compliment, bisexual, a bit of a mean girl but she grows out of it give her time!!! Is always Too Much, the horny friend, favorite color is red so thats almost all of her outfits, loves to show off her body as much as she can because she’s hot and knows it and thrives in her own confidence. Her mom is literally like Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls but married a rich man 20 years older than her, Anika doesn’t know her bio dad but thats fine neither does her mom and her step dad is nice and does his best to be a dad. Becca’s gf, always hanging out at her home so Becca can get some quiet because Anika’s an only child and has a pool. 5’9, 135lbs, Gemini, age 18, white, long layered dark reddish brown hair, teal-blue eyes, swimmers body type (I normally do not mention bust size but she would want the internet to know she was blessed with big bahoogles so there you go), can sprint in heels. Half mermaid (boy was that a surprise considering her mom doesn’t know who her father is LOL)

Rex. Nb uses they/them he/him pronouns but honestly will respond to any, goth lite, only attracted to men and ace, can read minds so knows all your secrets, mischevious little shit, great friends with Zander and enjoys his dumbass thoughts and that he’s basically a human version of Jackass, wears too many rings, goth boots for kicking and fashion babey, always has the freshest memes and will not hesitate to roast in the group chat, hangs with the girls most of the time. Chaos god who loves making art, be gay do crime, skateboard and spraypaint. 5’8”, 165lbs, Leo, age 18, Native American, masculine frame, dark brown skin, blue eyes, firetruck red shoulder length hair that’s usually in a ponytail, knock-off gucci sunglasses just for judging their friends. Has magic in their blood so not entirely human and can cast spells and shit (don’t roast me its a wip and I’m doing my research)

Sam. Boho goddess, aromantic, makeup and nails are always instagram worthy, quiet and stoic type but losens up around close friends, Rex is her best friend, has some trauma and doesn’t want to talk about it, emotionally numbed out a bit and wants to purely vibe. Has seen some of the worst parts of humanity and wishes she hadn’t, finds no point in being bitter or resentful though because that won’t change anything, loves cats and once she moves out shes adopting one or three. Has wine aunt energy. 5’4, 200lbs PLUS SIZE QUEEN, Scorpio, age 18, Filipino (her parents are immigrants fun fact!), really olive skin sometimes has a grey/green tinge to it, dark brown almost black shoulder length hair, gold-hazel eyes. Sam’s the victim of a family curse that requires her to consume human hearts to survive, she can transform into a pretty scary looking being and uses this curse to hunt down pedoph*les, r*pists, murderers, and abusers. The less often she feeds the less human she looks, hence the constant grey/green tinge to her skin. 

Andy. Baby of the group, must be protected at all costs, 100% didn’t sign up to be in a friendgroup of 90% monsters but highkey loves it, trans, bi, anxiety MAXED, just wants to draw comics and cosplay spiderman, has to babysit his two younger sisters a lot because his parents are....not great, and as a result now knows all the lines to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Big nerd energy, has to draw on everything including homework, gets inspiration for comics from his friends, awkward and socially anxious, drinks way too much tea and will accidentally steal your pens. Fears include: crowds, thunder, tall angry men, tiny spaces. Just trying his best. 5’2, 100lbs BEANPOLE BOY, Leo, age 16, white (irish and scottish roots), freckles absolutely EVERYWHERE, orangey red hair thats in desperate need of a haircut, chocolate brown eyes, braces, chronic nail biter. Human and kinda wishes he wasn’t.

That’s it for now if you read all this bless u thank u here is my whole heart. Please no discourse, literally these are fictional people I’ll never publish the books they go to.

#no i am not looking for critiques on them #i get my critiques elsewhere lmao #my ocs

[nicostolemybones]

The Battle of Area 51

“This is not a game,” Nico lectured sternly, and Percy snickered. “This is no laughing matter, Jackson! Okay, let’s run through the plan one last time! Ares cabin, Clarisse, you’ll lead the charge, take down the guards, lay down cover fire for the Naruto runners! Poseidon Cabin, Zeus cabin, you guys whip up a storm to help the Ares cabin! Apollo cabin and Hunters of Artemis, you’re the snipers, I want you on high ground firing arrows at them! Aphrodite cabin, charmspeak those guards to let us past and to give us access codes to all the rooms and spill all the secrets! Hecate cabin, use the mist to make decoys! Nemesis cabin, remember, this is vengeance for all the imprisoned aliens and that’s why you’re here! Demeter cabin, slow the guards down with thick vines and poisonous plants! Athena cabin, you’re working on infiltrating and hacking all the computers! Hephaestus cabin, burn down gun stations, jam missiles, Festus can burn down doorways, I want to see you guys working on all the technology we steal and I want you all to figure out all the machines inside and use them for our advantage! Dionysus cabin, get them drunk, make them temporarily mad, weaken their defences! Iris cabin, use your abilities to disorientate and distract the guards! Hypnos cabin- CLOVIS WAKE UP- send the guards to sleep when you can! Hermes cabin, you’re stealing and sneaking in whilst the guards are distracted! Hades cabin- well Hazel- summon obstacles and summon weapons, shadow travel aliens to safety. The rest of you, just fuck shit up with your abilities! Romans; same rules apply, and follow the orders of your Praetors, do not go against orders unless necessary!”

“LET’S CLAP SOME ALIEN CHEEKS!” Connor yelled. Nico glared at him, whilst the younger campers plus Percy erupted into giggles.

“There will be no clapping alien cheeks,” Nico sighed in exasperation, “no alien cheeks will be clapped by anybody, by Olympus what the Hades is wrong with straight people?”

“Wait you’re gay?!”

“Yes but that’s not the point, just- go blend in with the mortals! Solace- you’re with me, we’ll go in with the Naruto runners and you need to make sure we don’t infect the aliens and they don’t infect us, and treat the wounded.” Percy wolf-whistled, so Nico summoned a skeleton to smack him round the back of the head. The group of demigods dispersed amongst the mortal army- which wasn’t much, but between the Kyles, weeaboos, tumblr trash, and Naruto runners, there was a fair few, and some cosplayers, DnD players, and medieval recreation nerds seemed to have a fair amount of weapons and armour- even if most of it was plastic light sabers, Klingon Bat’leths, and various other fantasy weapons.

Everything was quiet for a while, and the battle was more a staring down contest between the guards and the civilian raiders. Phones were beginning to live stream, and that’s when the Stoll brothers yelled the immortal battle cry “DO IT FOR THE VINE!!!” and the mortal crowd roared and cheered, repeating the battle cry.

“PEANUT BUTTER!!!” Tyson yelled as the crowd surged forwards. Nico screamed, Naruto running as fast as he could towards the guards, summoning skeleton armies of Naruto runners to back them up, but as soon as the guards opened fire, many Naruto runners gave up and turned away running back, or decided it best to run “normally”. One dedicated man had turned his electric wheelchair into some kind of turbo charged mini tank shaped like a Dalek. Fortnite dancers fortnite danced as they charged, Harry Potter fans desperately yelled out Unforgiveable Curses. Stargate fans dressed as Jaffa and Goa’uld warriors charged with staff weapons and pellet guns, some wearing “Free Thor” t-shirts- but not Marvel’s Thor or the Norse God thor- but rather the tiny alien guy Nico recognised from when Will made him watch Stargate. The Stargate Atlantis fans came dressed as Wraith instead. Marvel fans were clad in full superhero gear, although some fights had broken out between them and the DC fans. Star Wars fans dressed in Jedi robes. Clad in armour, the demigods didn’t look out of place. Nico was pleased to see the Egyptian magicians being lead by Sadie and Carter Kane, Magnus Chase and Samirah al-Abbass leading the Valkyries, Alex Fierro next to Frank Zhang shapeshifting into whatever they could. Alex stopped occasionally so she could spray mace into the eyes of Terfs.

Nico shadow travelled at the last minute, grabbing hold of Will and pulling him through the shadows. Will didn’t slow down when they emerged, and the image of Will Naruto running headfirst into a wall was going to be a source of laughter in Nico’s mind for many years to come. Thankfully, he didn’t do a Jason and knock himself out. “Ah fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this!” Will gasped, and Nico raised his eyebrow. In the distance, they heard Grover cause a Panic- although it didn’t affect the guards about to shoot Will in the face, so Will let out a shrill whistle and Naruto ran for it.

“Dork,” Nico jibed, pulling Will into the shadows again. Nico meant for them to land inside an aircraft hangar- but it soon became clear that they were inside some kind of alien spaceship.

“Holy Hera,” Will gasped, “Nico THIS SHIP HAS A STARGATE! NICO LOOK THAT IS A STARGATE, IMMA DIAL ABYDOS-”

“Focus, Solace,” Nico warned, “we can do that once we get this back to camp. I wasn’t allowed to drive the sun chariot so I’ll drive this time.”

“I get the feeling I’m gonna die if I let you drive,” Will replied, and Nico huffed.

“That’s if I don’t kill your stupid face first,” he retorted proudly, and Will snickered, looking around the ship.

“OH MY GODS NICO THERE’S A LIGHT SABER HERE!”

“DIBS THE RED ONE,” Nico yelled, rushing over and grabbing one, almost decapitating Will in his excitement.

“We should summon up a certain ghost,” Will grinned.

“Are you suggesting we prank call Castellan?”

“Nico, dude. You have to, for humanity. Do it for our children.”

Several runs to McDonald’s later and Luke Castellan’s ghost was confronted by Nico in pitch black armour and a light saber to speak the immortal words: “Luke, I am your father.” Luke’s ghost laughed. The gods applauded from Olympus. Will was unable to get up off the floor through his raucous laughter.

After several minutes of exploring the craft, the two demigods were armed with phasers and now possessed the infinity gauntlet- although they both agreed not to let Percy near it in case he dabbed rather than Thanos snapped at monsters. Nico shadow travelled a fair amount of the loot back to camp, where Chiron stood facepalming and shaking his head. This is when Nico learned that the Party Ponies had joined the raid and found out that Monster Donut were sponsoring Area 51. Nico returned to find Will making a flower crown for a baby alien he’d found hidden in the glove compartment. “Is that what I think it is,” Nico questioned, and Will smiled.

“An alien? Well yeah.”

“No, I meant a baby. Are you seriously holding a baby?”

“Yeah, a cute little alien baby, I made them a flower crown and put a bow in their hair! Well I hope it’s a baby otherwise I just told a whole-ass adult I’m their daddy now.” Nico choked- Will didn’t appear to realise the innuendo his words would have turned into if the alien was an adult. Will appeared to have adopted an alien child and that somehow melted Nico completely. Stupid son of Apollo being a perfect dad to an abandoned alien baby found in the glove compartment of a space ship.

“You can’t just raise a child, Will, the parents won’t pay child support and you’re like- fifteen and you look- you look twelve, okay, you look like a foetus!”

“Nico I’m only two months older than you,” Will laughed, “I’m still fourteen like you are, idiot. Although technically you’re ninety, you can be the grandpa.”

“I’m not going to be your daddy, Solace,” Nico replied, forgetting how it may have sounded like an innuendo, and Will choked and spluttered.

“That word is officially banned,” Will squeaked, and Nico quickly nodded in agreement. Thankfully before it could get any more awkward, the alien child started to cry. “Oh my gods Nico what do I do with it?”

“Does it have an off switch or batteries you can take out like the babies they give you in school?”

“Um- I can’t see any off switch, Nico, what do I do?!”

“You’re the doctor! Sing to it! Just don’t do a Hera and yeet it off a mountain or out of a window, I don’t need you Percying this into a worse situation than it already is!”

“Oh my gods I’m a single parent before I’ve had the talk,” Will whined, trying to hum a lullaby to the alien baby, which screeched, turned into a bug, and ran. Will shrieked and Nico accidentally summoned a pile of alien skulls. “Hey! My singing isn’t that bad,” Will protested, and the alien bug screeched again and shot some kind of web at Will’s face. Will squealed, trying clumsily to wipe the webbing off his face. Once Nico stopped laughing, he helped to pull the webbing out of Will’s hair, although once he managed to detangle the last of the webbing, he found himself enthralled by the soft bouncy texture of Will’s hair. It was curly like Nico’s, but dryer to the touch, probably a testament to the hours of sunbathing Nico figured Will had to do in order to stay tanned all year round. He didn’t realise he was obsessively caressing his best friend’s hair until he felt Will’s hand on his shoulder. Nico gasped, snapping his hand back and muttering an apology, but Will merely smiled and gods that smile melted Nico. “Fellas, is it gay to kiss your homie at Area 51,” Will asked to nobody in particular, and Nico found himself turning puce as Will leaned in, placing a gentle but certainly not platonic kiss on Nico’s lips. Nico’s brain seemed to short circuit, skeletal butterflies resurrecting down his spine and in his stomach.

When Nico’s brain finally managed a coherent thought, all he could manage to say was “that’s gay.”

Will snorted, resting his head on Nico’s shoulder as he laughed silently. “You’re gay,” he finally replied through giggles.

“Well you kissed me, you’re gay,” Nico retorted with a huff.

“Yeah, but is it gay if it’s your homie and you’re in Area 51,” Will asked with an impish grin, lifting his head and giving Nico a mishievous grin.

“We are gay, you dumbass,” Nico replied, lightly shoving Will’s shoulder.

“I guess we are,” Will replied with feigned thoughtfulness lacing his voice, “maybe we should make out just to be sure.”

“Don’t push your luck, Solace,” Nico said sternly, and Will pouted comically. Nico stood on his toes and leaned up, but he was too short to reach, so Will leaned down and Nico was finally able to place a rough kiss on Will’s lips.

And of course, that just had to be the exact moment to hear a chorus of “two bros, chillin’ in a space ship, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay!” They broke apart immediately, startled by the presence of an Iris message showing Percy, Jason, Leo and Piper all grinning stupidly at them and Annabeth rolling her eyes.

“I’ll kill you all if you dare tell anyone,” Nico warned, raising skeletons to chase after them- although the skeletons were certainly not human. Leo and Percy screamed and ran, whilst Piper and Will laughed loudly. Jason merely raised his eyebrow, and Nico shrugged in response.

“So, that’s your type, huh,” Percy grinned, “I never thought we’d share a type!”

“What,” Nico snapped.

“Bossy blondes,” Percy replied, and Jason and Annabeth glared daggers.

“I agree,” Piper chimed in, “bossy blondes are worth the trouble.” This time, Jason and Annabeth both blushed.

Nico shrugged, looking back to Will, who seemed to be pre-occupied with the Stargate behind them. “Well, this one’s my bossy blond,” Nico replied fondly.

“Troublemakers are my type,” Annabeth replied, and Percy and Piper bowed proudly, “and Jason’s.”

“My type is pouty emo kids with long hair and sexy accents,” Will replied, and Nico blushed darkly.

“Your type is troublemakers,” Piper replied, “the ideal OTP formula is bossy blonde and troublemaking brunette, you can’t change my mind.”

“Whatever,” Nico protested. The Iris message cut off when a fight broke out between a Star Wars stan and a Trekkie.

“So,” Will began immediately, “can we be boyfriends now?”

“Only if you keep PDA to a minimum,” Nico replied, and Will beamed, glowing a warm amber light. Before they could do much more, however, a loud explosion ripped their attention away from each other. They both ran out to find the source of the explosion, and that is where they found Clarisse refereeing a battle between Shaggy and Thanos. The Stolls were running a betting ring, and Nico was sure they were all gonna die. But hey, it was a room full of Millennials and Gen Z, so nobody seemed particularly bothered by the danger of the situation, because this footage would certainly be legendary. Thanos snapped, and Shaggy disintegrated, only to reform using 1% of his power and steal the gauntlet. Shaggy dabbed, and Thanos was no more. Clarisse blew her whistle and the fight was over- the most epic showdown in human history and it had only taken seconds. Within minutes, lightening struck, and that was the moment Percy groaned loudly in realisation that the gods had been responsible for Area 51 all along.

“FUCK YOU, ZEUS,” Percy yelled, and the lightening would have struck him if it wasn’t for Shaggy eating the lightening bolt and letting out a loud burp.

“Do you have any wisdom, O mighty one,” Kayla asked, bowing at Shaggy’s feet.

“Sometimes you just gotta eat the enemy, man,” Shaggy replied, and the demigods let out a collective awed ‘ooohhh’. It was that moment that Shaggy burped out a heart-shaped arrow, and Nico realised that Shaggy had vored Cupid. Nico felt a smug grin break through his usually stoic expression, and Jason cheered loudly from the sidelines.

“Anyway, Shaggy said gay rights,” Will grinned.

“Actually, young man,” Shaggy said, gently resting his hand on Will’s shoulder, “I say gay and trans rights. And on that note, I think I might assassinate the president! Until next time, guys, gals, and non-binary pals!” And with that, and a wink to Alex Fierro, Shaggy dissipated into the wind, enraging the bigots and empowering the queer kids.

The raid continued into the night, the Stolls helping to take technology back to camp and Clarisse leading the charge against the military. It was only when Nico and Will made their way to the middle of the camp, all of the aliens freed and all technology liberated, that the end of the raid was in sight. Nico opened the final door, the entire raid party behind them, to find Rick Astley tied to a chair, singing Never Gonna Give You Up. It was then that they realised: they had been Rickrolled by the government.

#pjo #pjoverse #pjo/hoo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo #nico di angelo x will solace #solangelo #will solace #nico x will #nicohasahappymeal #nico di angelo #solangelo fanfic #solangelo fic #pjo fanfic #pjo fic #demigods raid area 51

[rosalind-of-arden]

Sword and Pen Reread, chapter 13 part 2

Or: now I babble about Wolfe more.

A bit of superstition: Wolfe thinks of Orpheus as he’s leaving the Necropolis, and not only does he not look back himself, he makes the kids go ahead of him.

In the prison in Smoke and Iron, Wolfe didn’t recognize Troll right away. Here, he does. A sign of just how out of it he was in prison?

Getting into the carrier, Wolfe feels tired. When did Wolfe last sleep?

“It was the gamble of it he loved, more than anything else: the pure will of those ancients who’d understood that without knowledge, there could be no truth.” This is so Wolfe. He likes defying the odds and he values education. This is why he loves the kids so much: they’re doing the same thing.

“he suddenly wished for peace, for the days and nights he’d spent traveling with Nic on the way to some dire crisis or another” Only Christopher Wolfe would define peace as the travel time between war zone missions.

Things Wolfe likes doing: “days they spent talking, or not talking, making love or just lying together, reading. Playing a nightly game of chess, or Egyptian sennet, or the board games of ancient Ur.” I do appreciate that sex is on the list, not only because I write Wolfe/Santi porn, but also because it’s such a completely normal thing that the text treats as completely normal - media tends so often to get weird about sex where gay couples and parents are concerned, so it’s nice to see this. The whole passage is just so sweet, and I am now craving Wolfe/Santi fluff.

Alexandria isn’t built to handle storms, which Wolfe describes as rare. The streets are flooded, and that’s apparently what always happens in weather like this.

Going into the conference room, Wolfe is already uncomfortable. He can tell something is wrong. And he looks to Santi for comfort, taking a brief moment to appreciate seeing Nic, and then addressing him by his first name even though this is obviously a Curia meeting.

A lot of denial once Wolfe hears what happened. “Santi did not fail.” Not admitting to himself why he would be invited to this meeting. Some part of him knows what they’re about to ask, and he’s fighting it.

“He stared at her. His eyes burned, and for a moment, he thought it was with tears, but no, no, it was anger. He couldn’t speak. Could hardly breathe for the pressure of fury building in his chest.” He’s furious, yes. But also, don’t these sound an awful lot like panic attack symptoms?

Wolfe turns to Nic for support, but Nic won’t look at him. Part of that is Nic being caught up in his own distress, but I suspect there’s also an element of not wanting to interfere. Wolfe and Santi have very recently argued about Wolfe being able to make his own choices, and that gives Nic a very strong motivation to stay out of this so that he doesn’t influence Wolfe’s decision.

Wolfe and Vargas were in the same class. They didn’t like each other. Probably because they’re too much alike - Vargas sounds like the cranky snarky sort, too. What I want to know is how Santi and Vargas got along.

Very satisfying to see Wolfe call the Curia out here. He knows they don’t really want him as Archivist, and he’s not mincing words.

Here’s Wolfe’s first moment of considering and rejecting something he wanted in the past. It’s never stated directly that he wanted to be Archivist, but we’ve had hints that he was ambitious. He imagines himself on the throne, but it’s “disorienting”, “it made him want to laugh, but he knew it would come out as half a sob.” He recognizes how much he’s changed since he was young and ambitious, and he’s also grieving what he’s lost.

“What a sour joke this was, that the same colleagues who’d looked the other way when he was dragged off in the night, when his work was scrubbed from the shelves and his body broken in the cells in Rome... those same colleagues wanted him to be their shelter. Their scapegoat.” And here’s why Wolfe rejects his earlier ambition: he can’t stand to work with the people who did nothing when the Library tried to destroy him. In a way, what the Curia is doing here is the same as what they did when Wolfe was arrested. They’re afraid, and they’ll let him be hurt rather than risk their own necks. They let him be tortured and erased rather than speak up for him. They’d rather let him be murdered or take the blame for anything that goes wrong than put themselves in that position. After everything he’s been through, he can’t tolerate that.

Best fucking moment in the book. Wolfe accepting the robe just to put it on Khalila and announce his retirement. Turning things around on the Curia and simultaneously putting leadership in place that won’t stand for the kind of corruption that resulted in his imprisonment. Khalila is young, idealistic, and stubborn enough to handle the Curia’s shit, and Wolfe knows it.

Still calling Nic by his first name. Wolfe doesn’t just want to hear from Lord Commander Santi, he wants to know what Dad Santi thinks of putting their kid on the throne, and this more intimate form of address subtly signals that.

Dad Santi supports Khalila for Archivist, even though he’s worried about her.

Morgan knows how to make an entrance. Does Eskander really agree, or is Morgan doing this on her own, knowing the Curia won’t ask questions?

Wolfe is aware of Morgan’s corruption. This suggests he could sense it in Ash and Quill, too.

“Beautiful, but fading like a winter rose, and seeing that hurt. I failed her, he thought. But he knew he couldn’t have helped her, either. Sometimes there were no good choices to be made. Only costly ones.” Wolfe’s guilt over Morgan’s corruption is very different than his guilt over Jess’s poisoning. What happened to Jess was a mistake that Wolfe could potentially have prevented. Asking Morgan to overuse her power was a more conscious choice on Wolfe’s part, and one that he knew the risks of when he made it. He knows he’s losing both of them, and both losses hurt, but he blames himself less for Morgan.

Apparently, a gold band is the only requirement to be Archivist.

“I agree with Wolfe; he hasn’t the inhuman patience necessary for the job. Neither do I, Christopher.” Vargas, being simultaneously friendly and insulting. Wolfe actually appreciates this, which is interesting, since he’s just expressed a profound distaste for the Curia and he usually prickles when called by his first name by people he dislikes. He may get along with Vargas better than he lets on.

Santi felt guilty enough over losing Murasaki to resign as Lord Commander. Under the circumstances, I really don’t think that’s a rational response. Of course there will be traitors in the ranks right after forcibly removing the old leadership, and it’s impossible to account for everything. But Santi isn’t thinking rationally. In his view, he’s had one failure after another for the past few months: betraying his company in Rome, failing to protect the pack in the Iron Tower and London, being too injured to do anything in Philly, failing to protect Wolfe and the kids in Castle Raby... The current battle isn’t won yet and the outcome is still uncertain. Losing the Archivist to soldiers the thought he could trust was just the last straw for him. But also, potentially, this could be a sign of some kind of pre-series friendship with Murasaki.

Lord Commander is eligible to be Archivist. Not that Nic wants anything to do with it. Under better circumstances, would he feel differently? Probably not; he knows what he’s good at, and that’s military leadership, not politics.

South American Vargas says “gods”, plural. Standard Library rhetorical polytheism or a sign of some form of polytheism being a major religion where she’s from?

Wolfe has a total dad moment, being simultaneously proud that his baby is the Archivist and terrified that he can’t help her.

The Curia stands respectfully for Khalila. “Wolfe leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.” Nice try, Wolfe, but we already know how much you care.

Santi feels better when there’s a job to do. Now that Khalila is Archivist, he needs to protect his kid, and he’s ready to get to work on that.

Wolfe knows Santi’s failure to protect Murasaki “would haunt him forever.” How many other past failures still weigh on Nic?

The only ones who can Translate into or out of the Archives are Morgan and Eskander. She now has equal access to him. They’re effectively sharing the Obscurist Magnus position, really.

Morgan has already planned to copy the Archives. Khalila has researched the Library’s history of making copies and is prepared to argue for it. And neither of them gives a damn what the Curia has to say about it. Wolfe suspects Morgan has already started the copying, and Khalila has no problem wielding her authority as Archivist to authorize it over any objections from the Curia.

As soon as Khalila calls on Santi to start planning defense strategies, Wolfe heads out. Interesting timing. Not being part of the Curia, he’s probably a bit uncomfortable being there, but I think this is also a gesture of trust in Nic’s ability to handle this.

“That was not the voice of his student. It was the voice of his queen.” Love this line. Nice sign of how Khalila inhabits her role. Also, somebody needs to include this in a Wolfe/Khalila fic.

And the chapter ends with Wolfe now having one more kid to worry about. Thomas is missing.

#the great library #sword and pen reread #sword and pen spoilers #long post

[whittletheworld]

i was tagged by @imaginaryhat 

I am bored as hell during lockdown so I’m finally doing this

This or That

coffee or tea | early bird or night owl | chocolate or vanilla | spring or fall | silver or gold | pop or alternative | freckles or dimples | snakes or sharks | mountains or fields | thunder or lightning | egyptian mythology or greek mythology | ivory or scarlet | flute or lyre | opal or diamond | butterflies or honeybees | macarons or eclairs | typewritten or handwritten | secret garden or secret library | rooftop or balcony | spicy or mild | opera or ballet | london or paris | vincent van gogh or claude monet | denim or leather | potions or spells | ocean or desert | mermaids or sirens | masquerade ball or cocktail party

Instructions: tag 10 people you’d like to know better!

Name: elly

Starsign: leo

Hogwarts House: hufflepuff

Height: 5′5

Sexuality: gay

Favorite animal: blue whale

Average time of sleep: 7 hours in the week, 9 at the weekend

Current time: 16:51

Dogs or Cats: dogs

Blankets you sleep with: we don’t have blankets here to sleep with, just one duvet

When you made your blog: 2009 I think

Followers: 737

Why you made your blog: I heard about it on twitter and I wanted another place to fangirl (read: gay) over actresses

Reason for your url: quote from Susan Orlean’s The Orchid Thief

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you would like to get to know better

real name? eleanor

nickname? elly

zodiac? leo

favorite musicians or groups? Barbra Streisand, Fleetwood Mac, sondheim musicals

favorite sports teams? nah

other blogs? I have durrantplummer saved still I think but I don’t post there and I don’t think I could part with whittletheworld as my blog name

do i get asks? not really and I don’t come on here enough any more

how many blogs do i follow? 331

tumblr crushes? none

lucky numbers? 22 but only because it’s my birthday

what am i wearing? stripey long sleeved top, tartan pj bottoms, slipper boots

dream vacation? Positano

dream car? I don’t really care about cars enough to have a dream car, but probably a convertible if I were to push it

favorite food? the perfect cripsy on the outside fluffy on the inside goose fat potato. and maybe burritos

drink of choice? coca cola, for alcohol a margarita

instruments? piano but I can barely play anymore

languages? english and enough french to order food

celebrity crushes? so many but right now Allison Janney

random facts? Cher once shook my hand

20 random FACTS about yourself that may surprise people.

1. do you make your bed? no I’m awful

2. what’s your favourite number? 22

3. what’s your job? I work in quality assurance at a university

4. if you could, would you go back to school? god no

5. can you parallel park? yes quite well, which is frustrating considering I can’t even reverse into a bay

6. a job you had which would surprise people? I’ve not had many, I did a paper round though as a teenager

7. do you think aliens are real? gotta be in an infinite universe

8. can you drive a manual car? yes

9. what’s your guilty pleasure? staring at hot women on public transport

10. tattoos? no

11. favourite colour? pink

12. things people do that drive you crazy? press the button to cross the road when I’ve clearly already pressed it because it’s lit up for christ’s sake

13. any phobias? social

14. favourite childhood sport? nah

15. do you talk to yourself? only in the car

16. what movie do you adore? Dances With Wolves (the 4hr director’s cut), it’s perfection

17. do you like doing puzzles? not especially

18. favourite kind of music? showtunes

19. tea or coffee? tea

20. the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? a “space lady” because I’m constantly reminded of it

I tag anyone who wants to do it...

#personal

[nerdygaymormon]

The world's standards have lowered. And rather than maintain the standards of the church you advocate for the church lowering it's standards to meet the world's. God is not a god of chaos. You advocate for chaos. A world were people can do whatever makes them happy in that instant. Where men are woman and woman are men. I feel so bad for all the young kids you've led astray.

If I really bother you so much, it’s probably better for your blood pressure if you stop reading my blog. I don’t know why you bother sending me messages like this. I’m just some random guy sharing his thoughts and experiences of being a gay Mormon. I’m not a leader in the church, in fact, just a secretary. 

You’ve sent me a number of pointed questions, I’ve taken time to answer. You’ve sent some accusatory messages and I’ve responded, even though I’m certain you are not interested in my opinion. Why do you do this? 

—————————   

I'm not asking the church to “lower” its standards. I’m saying that church should be a safe place for all of God’s children. I wish the church would recognize the complex realities of the diversity of life. That’s not “lowering” standards, it’s wanting the church to continue getting better, to continue widening the circle of inclusion, to find ways to bless the lives of more of God’s children. 

—————————  

If you think what I’m asking for is “chaos,” you haven’t read the Bible. The God in that book is wild and routinely undermined traditions and previous teachings in order to recognize the messy complexity of life and to expand the number of people who can participate. 

And yes, I mean God was wild, not the tame, placid version we find described in the LDS Church. Yahweh spoke to Moses from a burning bush, was in the whirlwind, used the Reed Sea to crush the Egyptians, sent ravens to feed Elijah, protected from the burning bite of the desert serpents by having people look at a serpent on a stick, wrestled with a prophet. Do you even recognize this God? Is this the God you worship? This God doesn’t mind a bit of chaos, meets people where they are, can be demanding and also is open to change. 

Some examples of changes you can find in the Bible:

Eunuchs are banned from worshipping - actually, eunuchs are welcome

Commemorate Passover - okay, if you were ritually unclean and thus unable to celebrate Passover, hold a second Passover remembrance

Firstborn gets the birthright - gives the second born the birthright

—————————  

“people can do whatever makes them happy in that instant” 

This is what you think I want? Then you haven’t paid attention. I want everyone to get the same opportunities. The gospel teaches ways to have deep joy in this  life and the next, and then the church prohibits some people from those things. 

Black people used to be prohibited from advancing beyond baptism, that was wrong and unfair, deprived them of the opportunity for exaltation. Eventually this got fixed. 

Today we are taught about the covenant path, but then roadblocks are put in the way to prevent trans people from being able to take the first step on that path, and gay people are forbidden from completing that path by getting married. 

If the God of today is like the God of the Bible, I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point things are disrupted, those who are currently held back from blessings get declared to be greater, move to be the first.  

And we have hints that this is the case. President Kimball gave permission for a trans woman to be sealed to her husband in the temple. Either this trans woman will be a woman in the eternities or this is a same-sex couple. Either way, it shows that the current rules are not fixed, that there is a way for queer members of the church to receive the greatest blessings the church has to offer. 

[sirjustice233-blog]

Dont dude, Kinda, Sickening bro

We were fighting me against ya and vice versa, so don't send folks to ambush me that i ought to have opened 1 a/c 4 that time to post never to return to it, like sometimes i do 4 some days b4 resorting to the above as they see an additional writing. Its me not u and why u see that yet 4 like 5 years u have refused to accept the fact that if u guess the email  of tumblr a/c u cant return to it. Looking 4 places to eat at, stop dude, me i will hurl u with stone lest police shoot me even in their post which when i report the same they have placed women with big 4heads which dont know where they are going. Look 4 ya types dude, u big 4headed women, i can be ya client in prostitution but not in matrimony dude period.

They came to ya door, Congo blooded men who still think Kenya IS RICH and they will manipulated the negro women as they have purported and what u like is what u like so competing with ya. Bringing kids they played part to up-bring while disrespecting ya and at that time have a sad face as if they talked to God, if u fail to hearken to their plights, kinda, u risk going to hell and they are here to help u get out of the same which as below is a big lie. Lazy people of no definition dude but the above is pure jealousy gimmick. They think at that time u live good, so after get ya poor story they immediately belittle ya which again is u show signs of maneuver, they show you their risk watch “SA“ in Swahili to signal u of organized theft in SA as i have explained it in sirjustice199 where a friend inducts u, with u if u do the same they have organized a shoot out 4 ya cause if they eliminate ya in the country it will be known is the Big man friends which can be catastrophic so they wanna do it the SA way dude liaising with some Chinese, Indian and Russian people. Big shame dude, your kids we mark, once all go well they are point of elimination either via frustrations or killed in other unknown ways dude.

Yeah, he has refused, yes i have refused and who is you dude, who now wants may food and kinda stay at my premise. Shoot me from the back or hurl grenade at me, you gays of no shame. Even that SA i want to make poor not to be thinking of getting to it like with how to make artificial oranges, fruits, eggs that don't spoil the teeth, making electric poles and AE generator and Pay TV as u can google new African countries with home made such as 2goinvoice online source they get the same by placing money online as explained above. They monitor ya cash in pretense, u r lazy of little income but deep down want to send kinds to ya house. Very bad character indeed. If u can understand judgement is done in Minneapolis, get their, and if still not then playing insane to get buy or needs killing as king of the jew come in handy to solve that puzzle dude. Memorandum building in Clinton ave Minneapolis-  Jesus alluding in swahili Mfalme wa yawhodi. They even say now u r Christo yet u have warned them many times of the same wanting to hit ya eye and still come back to ya the next minute wanting ya food together with their kids, eti they got something special in store so in future dont want mant to join to benefit from them, so u feel early as they are feeling to stop yet when u ask them of that thing, its hacking a tumblr a/c to delete which the software u have used they know not cause each timke u visit the cyber u download a new 1 altogether from the net and use as u open another everyday tumblr on their placed on computer software like mozilar and chrome which if they find the same when you left not logged off, they get happy they have the software they want to shift the a/c to cement the jew/Egyptian thing will rise to no avail dude. Stop guys and resort to farming as u have always done or other feasible ways known after heavy consultation dude. An advice bro

Kikuyu are now engaged in war as violence and the Somali to cement the truth in the link below that their teeth will be made white not with milk but by Hydrogen peroxide made out of Euphorbia in the boom process that if people could have not known the same they could be placing such in toothpaste can and selling like 300% above normal price as teeth whiteners so they build USA as most people use such to white their teeth from them and the bible was written to talk of the future that Christ is not yet buried or crucified as which year was hydrogen peroxide that use to teeth unearthed? Along time dude even b4 Africa colonization and their eye aint dark as the white eye rather red but can be brown out of illicit liquor sold and another reason they buy from Mr Hindu another set as can shift ya teeth to be white sometimes b4 they shift ya normal teeth or if u have eaten deep fried Nile perch hot they got nothing to do. So the people who changed the bible must rethink twice b4 they say they are insane reason why Kebi went their to investigate the above whether true or false.

https://biblehub.com/genesis/49-12.htm

They detergent in the bottled pictured below as 1 send me that link in my Fb as a text has the ripple effect of shaping ya head and very smoothing ya face. Try it women, stop much with ya face to no avail as the mirror u got aint perfecto dude, u may think 1 got to plastic surgery if they use the same

https://www.google.com/search?sxsrf=ALeKk03nZXDU0oDq384iYxfOtZ4m6TgxDg:1591611156916&source=univ&tbm=isch&q=baby+starsoft+bottle+images&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi2n4PN_fHpAhVVUBUIHYncDzEQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=910

When after making holes to below the earth crust on ya boarder line from below as u now know the bearing, place cameras with lights which only can be switched on when need be as the camera got night vision to monitor any intruder objects. The camera can be wireless as the boosters that connects to such place at intervals until it reach near the hole as they USA the cooker timer and a dynamo technology to operate so no worry dude or just used cabled wire with like supplied electricity. No need 4 placing drones beneath if such proves futile or expensive to ya, moreover the camera should look down to monitor intruders coming from down as the mention in the former case looks forward as with Christ posture on cross after and b4 he died. Read between the lines dude, don't be over taken by time.

The whites knows that kebi has defeated them, yet they want to know which kind of abuse that fellow will push forward maybe in terms of their old age skin type or of race as many are kikuyu and masai/trukana blood which kebi likes not and even more as he leaves his Fb not logged off so 1 can do the art of abuse b4 he is queried dude. India still rich with plastic surgery as they can shift ya baldness with a new airline from 1 who is shot or due to be buried, teeth or any body part dude and that's the remaining strength dude

Kebi with Amagy mkubwa, get the story dude, dont wait

Magy come and shower, amagy answer my legs are swollen, or am experiencing a slight headache, an old some1 from Kenya countryside bad smell choked me to make me loose control to hit my head on the floor to bring the same, Now amagy come and cook my eyes are heavy will not make me tomorrow work good at work, or am applying make up a friend of mine is coming to pay me a visit, amagy come wash plates, it will erase my nail polish, amagy come mop the floor, am sleeping if i do so tomorrow i will be late 4 work, amagy i have bought food at the local Mcdonald, amagy insinuates gives me 2-4 minutes babe am coming and Finally amagy come and we have sex, amagy ni seke seke, oketo ng’amruok mbele ma yaani ameweka kutobwa mbele, setting her legs atease is her 1st another job as made easy without of thinking of the dubious tricks she purported b4 or wanting to play like still young yet grown. Middle life crisis, big shame girl, nene kaka-ongiyo kebi ka-ochongoriyo bird as women watch Christ crucifixion tentatively as if missing the grinding ripple of kebi tendentious manhood. Change girl, it high time.

Their is a certain glass like bulb that u can open as it houses the many bulb technology inside, when burns up u get them out and close the big bulb and still works. On the tip of the big open like bulb it has a step down transformer 120-240 to 30 V which the place inside bulb uses to brighten the whole house as if it was the normal 240 bulb releasing their4 less heat and radiation to ya body and a big plus 4 people who don't want much heat in their houses at night.

Now its end signs with alternator generator u have disturbed Kebi 4 almost 5 goods years and with this will not take even 1 year to elapsed b4 u r finished lest u change. With source with aluminum bars are not yours 4 u to claim only the cooker timer and dynamo technology, question is why not the former to be claimed or u make? Stop dude!!! Time 4 reckoning is handy as a day of judgement around the corner dude the same Italy makes even small and cheaper more than China made 1 like Linz or Merrali Alternator Generators.

Dear mama please we give you that name to keep ya head up high that we mind ya, Dont allow any1 with a grenade down the now spring in the bush at Bar Kalare or defecate or urinate on it as we use it even in cosmetics, facial wash and cleanser as scrubs to do the same purpose described in the tumblr a/c sirjustice199. That water built Kansas City, MO with its environs dude. Keep an eye on it dude thats why many who live their where brought from the USA 4 the same purpose bro, the like of Delan and Kebi.

The already dug holes leading to the below of the earth should be Gazetted and camera placed to capture all that happens around such fissures as the videos placed like in computer 24/7, 365 for the public to see or witness. Some people go as eating in peoples houses to get the last glimpse of such people character to act as a precedent to be with them later in good life or not and some are even chased 4 the same, so they write 4 the public to know, so don’t rush to criticize the same, as that can save them out of hell fire as question that day will be, if u want us to acquit y of hell fire, then, well, what did you do to others, Please give us your account in detail. Wait until the people who lived with me to die to give u my helping hand a/c as they fear to be in hell fire immediately rather be in custody dude

Russians love free things from people,in that if that friend has became sturbon to offer the same, they resort,kinda, walking with him to reach out to his pocket if he can realize,if u can they can kill ya if u still wanna be with them and not offering the same offer u did previously, so u disassociate with them as even u can leave them in ya house and if u got a pretty wife they long to do the same to her to find out if they are still accepted to survive which if all Lupe holes blocked, kinda, they wish the ground to break and swallow them alive as the Luo got that character so in times futurity benefit from Russians or claim that pride if the Russian people win to get respect which now aint the case as seen dude, better change ya tactics dude

Guyana and Filipino people knows well their ears aint the same and are not ashamed, still want to 1st and geared towards hard work as opposed to the Luo tribe, change dude or change will change ya, they don’t claim other tribes being them. Accept ya self dude as well as those fellows with gap between their teeth, accept ya tools and limitations don’t transfer such blames to others as u want only to say they are ya roots dude yet obvious not bro

Clinton Ave Building structures in Minneapolis link below

https://www.google.com/search?source=univ&tbm=isch&q=images+of+building+on+cliton+ave+in+minneapolis&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjygZ3wxvHpAhVmx4UKHeQ0A6YQsAR6BAgJEAE&biw=1024&bih=654#imgrc=veEn-EtYkH9APM

The casket or Coffin that can be carried on handle without breaking as this elevates a certain spirit as calm u down as shows respect to the dead rather than that they are just maridadi and casket carried from below to signify short-coming can be made this way, Metallic hard plate or mesh, placed bellow the bedding/ casing the corpse rest on with protruding end to the casket holders name above, with that in mind if u carry the coffin the metallic plates a above hold the dead man weight as it carries the corpse not the wooden casket if it so cause now we got metallic. Dude hard to explain but u got it now as in the link below

https://www.google.com/search?source=univ&tbm=isch&q=inside+of+a+casket+images&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjerPmEyfHpAhUHkxQKHdEHBEcQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1024&bih=654

[kaiba-fangirl]

Fill in the questions/statement as if you are being interviewed for an article and you were your muse

Tag 10 people to do this meme, (repost, don’t reblog)

TAGGED BY: not @rogueprinceconsort =P & I know I’m not a RP blog, but I am a fanfic author so I still do the same kind of stuff, just everyone at once with chapters, so I’m sure ya won’t mind... idk itching to write Seto but his mind is all over the place in Ch7 of And You? (AO3/FFN), & I know I’ve missed a bunch of personal tags in the past, so, well, I’m here now. TAGGING: anyone 1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

“Seto Kaiba.”  (海馬 瀬人 Kaiba, Seto)

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

He narrows his eyes, already suspicious. “Legally, that IS my real name.”

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE CALLED THAT?

“I was born Seto,” he answers flatly, then smirks. “The Kaiba family name I earned for myself and my little brother at the age of 10, when Gozaburo agreed to adopt us thanks to my, superior negotiating skills.” [Seto after Egyptian Pharaoh Seth. Kaiba for, apparently, hippocampus/seahorse.]

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN? “Taken. Happily married to the number 1 female duelist, Mai Valentine. She’s now heading the new Fashion Tech and Merchandise Department at Kaiba Corp.” [but he’s also still looking >.>]

5. HAVE ANY ABILITIES OR POWERS? “Just bleeding edge technology development and superior dueling skills,” he shrugs smugly. [and hacking.] [You also accidentally activate latent magical powers every so often, dumbass. Sure he’s a genius. A genius that weaves techno-sorcery into everything & commands gods without even knowing it.] “Anything else you may have heard about magic or spirits or real monsters, is all just nonsense hocus pocus. It’s sensationalists trying to make our amazingly life-like holographic projections seem dangerous.”

6. STOP BEING A MARY SUE/GARY STU. “Heh, doesn’t that just mean born talented? You should be so lucky.”

7. WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR? “Blue,” he chuckles childishly. “It was probably what first drew me to, you know, Blue-Eyes, when I was young.” [It’s not. The Blue-Eyes White Dragon was his magical monster of light ‘girlfriend’ in Ancient Egypt in a past life of his 3000 years ago.]

8. HOW ABOUT YOUR HAIR COLOR? “Chestnut.”

9. HAVE YOU ANY FAMILY MEMBERS? “Living, my little brother, Mokuba, and now my lovely wife.”

10. OH? WHAT ABOUT PETS? “No pets. I barely have time for having two people in my life now it seems, and that’s even with Mokuba off travelling.” [any pet energy is expended on more Blue-Eyes White Dragon themed everything]

11. THAT’S COOL I GUESS, NOW TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE. “You wanna see a REAL Gary Stu?! As in, there is no reason he should have made it this far?! Joey fuckin Wheeler. This loser stole his way into my tournament, then has the nerve to even challenge me for 3rd place as if that meant anything, and he still ends up 4th even?! How! He operates on pure luck, and leeching off his ‘friends!’ His deck is a mess, I mean have you even seen his lineup?!?!” [Well that would all be redacted. Now, since this is for an interviewer for a published article...] He calmly and thoughtfully looks off at a spot on the far wall behind the interviewer. He purses his lips and furrows his brow, genuinely distraught, drawing from a direct encounter. “I’m actually more concerned than ever about the state of refugees- whether they have that official label or not. Around the world. Especially the children. These children don’t know what’s going on, and people say they care about children, but they really don’t. They’re not thinking of those kids- of refugee kids. Of poor kids. Of orphans or abused kids. And the way these refugees are being treated, those kids are getting hit with all those things at once. Ya know, I- I was fortunate enough to have that opportunity to be adopted, in a strong first-world nation, but I know what it’s like, to know that the grown ups are just using you, not listening to you. You’re nothing to them; maybe pawns. Now, I’m doing all I can, as president of Kaiba Corp, but there is still only so much we can do. We’re not making tanks or any weapons at all anymore-” He chokes at the thought of a tank staring him down specifically, compared to the latest news. He clears his throat to manage. “Not since the day I took over. We may not be contributing to that military industrial complex anymore, but the state of refugees today is still just as bad if not worse. Now they’re using weapons outlawed by the Geneva Conventions, and in countries that pride themselves on freedom and opportunity. Pteh. It’s madness. It’s evil.” [...aaand that just became the cover story] [We’ll be back after after a short break.]

12. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES YOU LIKE DOING? “Besides dueling, uh, tinkering. Reading. Hacking into random databases I shouldn’t be in.”

13. EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE? “Next question. Don’t even print that, or you’ll be hearing from my lawyers. And they don’t play so nice.” [By ‘lawyers’ I’m pretty sure he just means goons.]

14. EVER… KILLED ANYONE BEFORE? "No.” [Gozaburo.]

15. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU? "Dragon.”

16. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS. "Tch, I wouldn’t have gotten to be president of a multi-billion-dollar corporation if I had bad habits.”  [That is literally his worst habit. Also how he got there is because of all his bad habits.] He chuckles at what he’s about to make fun of. “Then again, some people think that working too much is a bad habit.”

17. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE AT ALL? "How could I when I’m already on top?”

18. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL? "Irrelevant.” He smiles menacingly. “Card games are more important anyway.” [Bi and trying to figure out how to tell his wife. Then again once he does that, the press will be easy. Possibly also grey ace or demi, since he does enjoy the physical aspects of being married & his crush.]

19. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL? “Graduated high school early and then went right back to work as CEO, at the time. I don’t have time to waste getting a piece of paper to validate my knowledge that I’m already putting to use at Kaiba Corp everyday. --but I certainly support everyone staying in school as long as they can. Kaiba Corp offers a free college tuition program for any employee, paid ahead of time, and schedules can be worked around class and homework time as needed.”

20. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS ONE DAY? “I never thought I would want to marry, but I have always assumed I would want to adopt. Now I am married, and we both want to adopt. Someday. It needs to be when I can have time for them...” [and he’s wondering why you are supposed to only marry one person...]

21. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANBOYS/FANGIRLS? “Yeah,” he laughs, genuinely embarrassed at this level of pure idolization, “I find it endearing to see people dress up as Yugi and I at events.”

22. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF? “Losing my little brother.”

23. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR? “Full-length pants, tight fitting turtlenecks, boots, and a trenchcoat. More leather and straps and buckles, the better.”

24. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE? “Of course. My little brother and my wife.” [and Joey]

25. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WET YOURSELF? [he just makes this face:]

[but possibly the last time he did hard drugs]

26. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU? (HIGH CLASS, MIDDLE CLASS, LOW CLASS) “Highest class.” He winks, for the spotlight.

27. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE? “I don’t need ‘friends’ outside of my family.”

28. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE? “Finally, an intelligent question!” he laughs rudely. “My thoughts are that we should change the standard approximation for π to something closer to 3.16. That’s what I use in my calculations, and I find things just seem to work out better for me because of it.”

29. FAVORITE DRINK? “I’ve started drinking a lot more water, and I think that’s pretty much all I drink lately.”

30. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE? “It’s comforting being in my office, knowing where I belong, knowing that with me there, everyone I love is safe, knowing how I got there, and being proud of all I’ve accomplished, but...” [sometimes anxiety about it being Gozaburo’s old office creeps into his mind like an evil spirit or ghost...] “But more than that, I enjoy the wild freedom of just taking my Blue-Eyes jet out with some good music playing.” [oh my various gods he will always be an emo teen at heart <3]

31. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE? He scoffs. “Yes, I am genuinely interested in my wife. Mai is an amazing person. And- Ah, and, um, next question?” [and Joey!]

32. WHAT’S YOUR BRA CUP SIZE AND/OR HOW BIG IS YOUR WILLY? “What kind of magazine is this for, anyway?” he asks as an aside, then thinks up a ridiculous enough response. “Ever hear of Zorc? I’d say that’s roughly one-third the size of mine.” Under his breath, he scoffs in disgust. “Imbeciles.”

33. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN? “Er, a private pool, thanks. Too many paparazzi anyplace else, and I wouldn’t want to close off anything from the public.” [I hear there’s a river in Egypt he lives in though]

34. WHAT’S YOUR TYPE? “Independent. Strong. Great duelist. Someone who knows what it’s like at rock bottom, but still managed to claw their way to the top...” [he spaces out off to the side]

35. ANY FETISHES? *zoom out to room full of Blue-Eyes White Dragon themed EVERYTHING* “Nah.” [*insert Will Smith presenting his AO3 tags]

36. SEME OR UKE? TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?

[Switch! But “And You?” is stuck at a T rating, sooo...]

37. CAMPING OR INDOORS? "The fuck- you’re giving me whiplash with these questions,” he mutters. “Camping sounds nice. Real camping. Mokuba and I used to build forts and play outside a lot. I should ask him if he wants to go on a camping trip when he gets back. I doubt- well, no, I think Mai would like that, too.” [And Joey can cook them “candy bars!”]

38. ARE YOU WANTING THE QUIZ TO END?

#well that was very educational #& rather therapeutic after what happened at dinner #re: kaiba #seto kaiba #writing ettu #re: and you?

[harryandmolly]

The Long Way Home -2-

Summary: His world is a little rocked when Shawn is joined on his 2019 world tour by Emma, a former child star with a chip on her shoulder and a voice that haunts him.

Warnings: Language, brattiness, popstar angst

Word count: in the neighborhood of 3.8k

Emma wakes up on the wrong side of the bed again.

Physically, it’s the wrong side of the bed. For as long as she can remember, in whatever bed she’s slept in, from the fifth floor walk-up shithole in Ladera Heights to her grandfather’s house in Louisiana to every five star hotel she’s patronized, she’s slept on the right side of the bed.

Since her team for tour is more modest than that of a headliner, she took advantage of the opportunity to trick out her bus. She replaced the back lounge with a whole bedroom rather than a bunk under a snoring make-up assistant. It’s not the grungey first world tour experience but, fuck it. She has the money and she wants the privacy.

But this bed situation must be really throwing her off. She wakes up on the left side three mornings in a row and it puts her in a fouler mood than she already has been.

She stands slowly, feeling a familiar ache in the balls and heels of her feet, her knees and her lower back. She has the body of an 18-year-old plagued with the ailments of a 60-year-old and there’s no real wonder why with seven days a week of Pilaticardio on top of choreography rehearsals for tour.

Choreography was one of the many things she fought against and clearly lost out to the opinions of her managers, agents and mom. She had plenty of dance experience, sure, you don’t get to be Miss Little California 2010 without being able to put together a jazz square, but she never pictured herself dancing on stage.

She shakes the thought from her head, unwilling to go down that road so early in the morning. If she starts the mental list of all the things she’s doing now that weren’t as she pictured, she’d just get back in bed and she can’t because tour starts today.

Tour. Starts today.

She does almost crawl back into bed but Margaret’s at the door going through her schedule as Emma strips naked and changes into an Ivy Park workout ensemble that she thinks Mabel, her stylist, one of the only people on this bus she can stand to have half a real conversation with, would approve of.

Emma marches out of the converted back lounge bedroom past her troops – Mabel sitting with a bowl of steel cut oatmeal, Carmela, her trainer, in a ball cap holding resistance bands that make her cringe just looking at them. Her make-up and hair team are still in bed, she thinks, because she won’t be needing them until after her torture session. She hates them a little for getting to sleep late but she blames the bitterness on the early hour.

Before tea, before avocado toast, before coherent thought comes Pilaticardio and all its associated agony. Carmela spread out mats and equipment in the empty parking lot outside the venue beside their bus. When they start getting their blood moving, Emma remembers, as she does every morning, why she puts up with it. Pilaticardio makes her feel strong. Emma doesn’t live the kind of life where she feels strong often. From the outside, she looks like the top of the operation, the head of the dragon, making decisions and directing her destiny. It couldn’t be further from the truth. She obeys Carmela’s every instruction but still commands her own body in a way no one can control but her. She revels in it.

When it ends, she’s powerless again, resigned to be whisked off for a five minute shower, breakfast and into hair and make-up for her first ever soundcheck.

She’s not listening to Margaret as they stride across the blacktop toward the venue. She cradles her sweating water bottle in her hands, tapping her manicured claws against the strong plastic.

Emma can’t help herself. She glances at the bus she knows to be Shawn’s, strains to hear some activity, narrows her eyes to look for signs of life. Her heart races just at the sight of it, which she dutifully ignores in favor of her analytical approach.

She tilts her chin up proudly. She’s awake and working hard before the headliner. She assumed this would be the case as Shawn doesn’t need a glam squad to get him looking that good. Plus, it’s her MO. If she works twice as hard as everyone around her, she wins. That’s been ingrained since birth, since her pageant days, since her biggest worry was if she could twirl a baton faster than the girl next to her that her mom always called chubby but really she just had a sweet round face.

Emma carries herself even taller in her skyscraper wedges, practically strutting past Shawn’s bus. She assures herself it’s not because she wants him to be looking, to be watching the back pockets on her skinny black jeans. A thrill shoots up her spine at the idea, though. To have Shawn Mendes’s eyes on her ass? Well worth the Pilaticardio.

Emma tunes back in when she hears Margaret’s voice tick up in register, indicating she’s asked a question. Emma looks at her and raises an eyebrow. Margaret, very used to repeating herself at this point, reiterates.

“Do you want your mom along on the radio interviews tomorrow?”

Emma fixes Margaret with a blank stare. Margaret’s eyebrows quirk and she nods with an exhausted sigh.

“Right. I’ll book her a massage instead.”

Emma doesn’t thank her. She doesn’t acknowledge her. She keeps walking, her heartburn kicking in earlier in the morning than usual.

Appropriate, then, that her first single, the thing that’s been kicking up almost as much fuss in her team as this tour, is called “Fireheart.” “Fireheart” was first played for her by a team of producers in a frigid conference room on the 40th floor of a building in downtown Los Angeles where all the bad things happen to her. She remembers smiling in that way that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“It’s perfect,” she croaks. In her head, she’s tearing her hair out.

She went home that night to her 6-bedroom palace in the Hollywood Hills, the only place she gets to be alone (at least sometimes) and cried so hard she busted blood vessels in her cheeks that she knew would make the make-up artists think she’s bulimic and she doesn’t have the energy to correct them.

“Fireheart” isn’t a bad song. She chants this in her head as she springs up the steps to the artist entrance of the venue with Margaret hot on her heels. This chant has a tune associated with it now for how often she desperately repeats it. She bobs her head along with the imaginary beat, walking past her vocal coach with a nod and a shallow grin as she walks onstage.

She feels nothing when she looks out into the 17,000-capacity arena, empty and waiting for her to bring it to life. She stands on the edge of the stage, painted toes almost hanging off the edge, willing a little bit of danger to get her blood pumping. It’s the only thing that does anymore.

Her vocal coach Steven stands behind her, feeding her warmup exercises. She stares at the fourth seat in the third row, wondering who will be there tonight, wondering if she’ll be a little girl screaming her name, or screaming “Becky,” the character she played on Fake It Til You Make It. She answers to that name as easily as she answers to Emma. It doesn’t matter anymore. Neither of them are her. Not really.

Soundcheck goes off without a hitch. Her voice is sounding great, thanks to Steven. Just to be safe, since it’s her first tour and her voice is so green, he has her on vocal rest for the rest of the afternoon. If he weren’t 54, gay and married, she’d plant one on him.

Emma retreats to the bus for a conference call with the label about her single release, a dreadful reminder that this precious vocal rest can’t last. The single drops in two weeks and they’ve been hyping it up for months like it’s a fucking Beyonce album. Radio interviews are set up all over Europe. They’ve picked the treatment for the music video, which they’ll shoot on a day off during their stint in LA in July. Everything is almost ready for her debut, her sugar pop, twinkly-eyed, auto-tuned debut.

Thank god she can be silent for that call. And thank god no one but Margaret can see the faces she’s making.

When it ends, she feels that familiar 3pm defeated feeling. On her persistently buzzing phone, she types up an “I need 30 minutes. Please” message in her notes app and shows it to Margaret. Margaret acquiesces with a sharp nod.

Emma stumbles into her bus bedroom and shuts the door, slumping against it for a 10-second pity party, hanging her head.

In five steps, she’s at the foot of her bed, yanking at her shoes and reaching for her magenta wireless Beats at the same time. She hops onto the Casper mattress she insisted on and feels her bones sing her praises for relieving them.

But before she descends into a quick rest, she crawls on her knees to the window at the head of her bed and peers out through the slatted blinds, again looking toward Shawn’s bus curiously. Lights are on now, of course, it’s midafternoon and he’s soundchecking after her. She has great timing, apparently, because the door opens and, behind a few scraggly band members she can’t remember the names of, he steps out in Nike shorts and a pink hoodie that makes her release a funny noise from the back of her throat.

She studies him, the way he turns and responds to one of his friends with a barking laugh that makes him throw his head back. He runs up behind another one and claps a hand on his shoulder, facing away from her so she can’t see him but she imagines he looks like he’s having the time of his life.

That 3pm wave of indescribable sadness is ebbing closer and if she doesn’t head it off at the pass, it’ll crush her. She licks her lips and lies face up on the mattress over her Egyptian cotton sheets, feeling a rush of relief in her veins like heroin when her headphones go on and the music starts.

She closes her eyes and rests a hand in her stomach while the other rakes through her hair. When she’s this far away from everything, she can pretend the hand doesn’t belong to her, that it’s someone else doing a job she’s done her whole life – soothing her, talking her off a ledge.

“I pretend that I’m not ready, why do we put each other through hell? Why can’t we just get over ourselves?”

+

Shawn lives for the feeling he gets before a big show, and there’s no show bigger to him than a tour opener.

He’s been bouncing off his dressing room walls for hours, it feels like. He’s so jazzed by the thrumming in the walls of the Ziggo Dome as it fills to the brim with tens of thousands of screaming fans that came to see him. He can’t imagine this level of energy coming from anywhere else. It’s fucking addictive. He wishes everyone could try it.

When a team of women looking solemn storm past his open door, he knows Emma is near. Sure enough, his room of band mates and other team members falls silent as she brushes past the door, flanked by her manager and her vocal coach.

She’s dressed for the show in a spangley blue dress and matching high tops. Her hair is blown out and her eye make-up is dark. As she passes the door in a long, modelesque stride, they lock eyes for only a fraction of a second before she’s looking away like she didn’t see him. He shivers.

“She’s really starting to freak me out,” Zubin mutters.

Shawn frowns. “She’s just… cold,” he mutters, puzzled.

“Fucking frigid,” Geoff replies sharply, disapprovingly, “A girl that pretty can’t be that mean, it’s so wrong.”

“She’s not mean,” Shawn defends, sitting backwards in a chair so he can lean his chest on the back panel, “I mean, she hasn’t been mean, she just hasn’t been friendly.”

“She’s barely said a word to anyone but her team since she got here. And have you seen the way she looks at them? She’s an ice queen,” Mike reasons.

Shawn knows it’s pointless but something in him wants to fight for her, fight for something in her he hasn’t even seen yet. But he’s heard her sing so he knows it’s in there.

He shrugs, noncommittally. “I’m gonna go watch her set from sidestage.”

He’s joined by the others because they’re curious to see if this lovely Fembot can put on a show. They crowd their way out into position as her music comes on. He recognizes the track from the first season’s soundtrack, her first top 10 Billboard single. He rolls his eyes at himself for how familiar he’s become with her career. He pretends it’s simply research, that it’s good sense to know about his opening act. If he’s honest, that’s not it entirely.

He makes sure she can’t see them before she walks out – he doesn’t want to make her nervous. If she’s anything like he was during his first arena show, she’s shaking like a leaf right now.

But she could’ve fooled him. She struts out onto the stage, bouncing in her cute sneakers and waving like she’s Taylor fucking Swift. And she might as well be because even though she’s the opener, at least half the stadium is shrieking her name. It’s this funny hybrid of “Emma!” and “Becky!” that, amplified, sounds more like “EMKY!”

He feels like he’s watching “Camp Rock” or something. Every move is choreographed, every line screamed to the crowd is rehearsed. Her dancing is perfect. Her pitch is on point. She might actually be an automaton after all. He’s pretty convinced until she reaches the last song of her set.

The dancers flee. Someone runs a vibrant yellow acoustic guitar out and she slides it on like it’s an extension of her. He shifts uncomfortably because he’s kind of turned on.

She pulls two pins out of her hair he couldn’t see were stuck in there and her hair falls longer and looser around her lightly bronzed arms. She smiles as the crowd cheers and murmurs something into the mic about “slowing things down for a sec” and it’s still practiced but he hears something in her voice he hasn’t yet and he’s hooked.

She swings the guitar behind her back and kneels, unlacing her sneakers. She kicks them off and stuffs her little white socks inside. Shawn and his whole group are silent, watching her with fascination. She stands upright, barefoot and gives the crowd the first genuine smile he’s seen on her. It takes his fucking breath away.

She shifts back and forth from the balls of her feet to her heels, sliding the guitar back into place across her stomach. She begins strumming softly and he recognizes the opening chords to “How I’ve Been.” He knows it well, it’s his favorite. It’s the seventh track on her third soundtrack album and the only one he’s found that boasts her as its only writing credit.

She bobs her head with the music and he finds himself joining her. She balances the guitar on her right hip, her right foot lifting onto her toes as she strums. He watches the shimmering sequins wriggle over the backs of her long, butter-soft legs. Shawn actually feels his stomach flip like he hasn’t in a very long time.

Emma’s voice is deep and throaty on this track. He loves the way it sounds in his headphones but even more now when she’s singing it live and he can hear it vibrating out of her chest. He wants to rest his head there while she sings to him but he shakes that idea as quickly as it comes and focuses. Eddy nudges his arm and makes a surprised and impressed face. Shawn quickly nods and looks back at her, unwilling to be distracted from this.

She’s here now, he can feel it, in a way she hasn’t been the whole show. The whole two days they’ve been at the venue. She’s commanding the stage in a way he didn’t learn to do at all while he was an opener, and arguably not until well into his first headlining tour. But she’s crooning into the mic like an old fucking pro, planting her feet wide and throwing vocal runs into the song that aren’t on the recorded version.

He hears himself whoop from the sidelines and he doesn’t care that his bandmates are eyeing him suspiciously. He claps loud even though he knows she can’t hear him. He’s just happy to witness this.

Her last run is the most impressive and has the whole crowd on its feet. When her voice fades, the cheering doesn’t. She lifts the guitar by the neck and grins genuinely, laughing and waving. He hears himself laughing and glances around. The guys are swept along, too, smiling and nodding to each other, mumbling about “hey, that was pretty fuckin’ good.” She’s won them all over, it seems. Shawn is content.

After a quick, humble bow, she grabs her shoes and scurries off. As she’s approaching their side of the stage, she’s still smiling down at her feet, watching where she’s walking until she sees a big group of man legs and stops dead, her smile dropping off instinctively.

“Awesome job!” Shawn practically squeals, stepping up to give her a quick, friendly hug. It’s awkward around her pretty yellow guitar and because she totally freezes when she sees him.

When he pulls back to chat with her about the set, she’s gone. Not physically, she’s still there, but whoever she was on stage might still be floating around out there in the ether, away on the wind, because she’s definitely not in Emma’s body.

Her expression is flat. She manages a dead smile and a nod. “Thanks, man. Have a good show.”

She steps aside, nodding politely at the other members of the band before stalking away, still barefoot, still sparkling. Her cast of creatures hustles behind her to keep up with her enormous steps back to her dressing room.

Shawn’s eyebrows are pulled together in thought as they wade back through the twisting backstage hallways for the last few minutes of pre-show prep, complete with rituals and superstitions. He needs to shake this weirdness before he gets out there. He wonders if he’ll catch a little bit of her, the one he saw during the last song, when he’s out there. Maybe it’s like a pixie dust he’ll breathe in and he’ll feel again like he did when he was watching her.

He doesn’t spend much time wallowing in his bewilderment, there’s too much to do. Between Andrew and the band, he’s fully occupied, no room for powerwalking blondes with long fingers and bare feet. They herd up the way they always do and prowl to the stage. The full power of the pre-show ecstasy overtakes him. He’s drunk with it, drumming his hands on his thighs, nodding his head impatiently. He’s handed a perfectly tuned electric by a tech named Joey and grins wildly, thanking him by name, which seems to take him by surprise.

When the lights go down, his heart roars in his chest. He bounces on his toes and throws his head back, shaking his hair and feeling the fire crawl up his veins.

He jogs out onstage, momentarily overwhelmed, like he always is, every night without fail, at the screams. They’re screaming for him. That’ll never not be so fucking cool.

He greets the Dutch crowd to raucous cheers and starts playing “Lost in Japan.”

He forgets to look for her until after the second song once the jitters have faded a little into welcome energy. He looks forward to her reaction and hopes she’s having a good time. He glances to the side he stood on earlier and doesn’t see her. He turns and looks the other way and frowns.

He tries not to wonder about it as he starts in on “Why” and curls a hand around the microphone with a guitar pick between his fingers. He looks down at the VIP section, assuming she wanted a better vantage point.

But no Emma.

He’s definitely thrown but continues on, willing himself to forget her absence until he’s lost in the show again.

It’s a great tour opener. Amsterdam is such a fun crowd. He thanks them profusely after his encore and jogs off, handing the guitar off again with another “thanks, Joey,” which earns him a wholehearted “great show, Shawn.”

Andrew greets him excitedly with words of genuine praise that Shawn doesn’t really register.

“Thanks, man,” he laughs, nodding at him, “Hey, did Emma leave?”

Andrew keeps his gaze level, shrugging. “She didn’t stay for your set.”

Shawn blinks. “She didn’t stay? At all?”

Andrew shakes his head. Shawn’s parted lips shut and he hums, trying to sound disinterested.

“Kay. Let’s bounce, I’m fuckin’ sweaty!”

His words are stilted and he knows if he can hear it, so can Andrew, but he doesn’t acknowledge it.

After some good-natured monkeying around and a beer or two, Shawn strips off his sweaty show clothes and showers off, letting himself think about Emma again. He wonders why she didn’t stay. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well? Maybe she’s got an early interview tomorrow, her single is dropping pretty soon, he thinks. The truth is, it doesn’t really matter. It’s impolite for an opener to leave before the headliner’s set, especially on the first show of the tour. It’s a weird vibe to throw out.

But he can’t stop thinking about her with that yellow guitar and her hair sticking to her back and her toes curled against the dirty stage floor for balance. He grows a little hard under the hot water at the thought. He throws the temperature to the cold setting, blasting himself as he plants his hands against the tile wall, breathing slowly. When it’s so cold it sucks the air from his lungs, he shuts it off and steps out to dry off.

He walks past her bus that night with his hands in his pockets and his head in the stars. He notices a light on in the back where the lounge should be but he hears she converted it to a bedroom and he scoffed when he heard it from Geoff but he’s secretly a little jealous. As he walks closer, he hears music. He strains to place it. He lifts his eyebrows when he realizes it’s Tammy Wynette.

Frowning, he slumps off to his bus, feeling a little defeated. But the tour must go on.

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