#to think last year i was stressing i didnt have enough to read

[burnedwriter]

‘’too late’’

A/n:ft xiao,childe and diluc.These are some headcanons of how their worst nightmare came to life,your death

warnings:angst,mention of death,gender-neutral language used.

🐋childe/tartaglia

🐋Childe is a harbinger as we all know so he probably has a lot of enemies or people trying to get him and if its not directly him that means they will come after you,to hit him exactly were it hurts the most.

🐋That’s one of the many reasons he has taught you how to fight in the first place,just in case something like this happens when hes away on a mission,but is this really enough to keep you from harms way.

🐋One day he will come against a gloomy discovery that was about to unfold as he came back to your home.

Walking towards the house,he saw footprints going towards your house.It took him a second to realize what was going on from the shock,thinking of the worst case scenario,his heart started beating loudly as he rushed towards the house as fast as he could.

‘‘shit shit shit’‘he whispered to himself all the negative thoughts circling around in his mind,he hoped to see you peacefully reading your book but that was far from the truth.

bursting through the door he saw you sitting up with your back against the wall one hand holding the bloody sword and the other pressing on the big wound you had on you abdomen.He immediatly run on your side trying to get you to get up.

‘‘please get up ,i need to get you to safety’‘he choked,his voice shaky tears threatening to escape from his eyes,his worst nightmare coming to life as he continued to try and get you to stand up.

‘‘Ajax,its ok ,please it’s too late now’‘you struggled to say,your hand leaving the sword and putting it on his head,stroking his hair softly one last time as he put his head in the crook of your neck,sobbing quietly staining your shoulder with tears,it was the first time you saw childe cry,it always broke your heart seeing him in pain but it was too late now the only thing you could do was hold him in your warm embrace as it slowly turned cold,taking your last breath.

🦉Diluc

🦉Just like childe he has many enemies but in diluc’s case it’s the fatui he has to look out for.Even though he had run ins with them years ago he still has an eye out for them since they are scattered all over mondstadt.

🦉Diluc was always  cautious about you going out on your own without supervision aka him being your bodyguard but in response to that you always said that everything was going to be ok and there was nothing to worry about.

🦉Not until today....

🦉Coming back to the winery he sensed something was off,getting greeted by Adeline instead of you was a rare sight as it only happened when you were sick or extremly tired.

‘‘Master diluc,please dont panic with what i am about to say’‘Adeline nervously said,making Diluc’s heart skip beats and drop in an instant even without Adeline telling him but let her finished anyways as he didnt want to jump to conclusion.

‘‘they havent come back’‘she said with the same anxious tone in her voice.

‘‘I wil go look for them’‘Diluc said calmly.He may looked calm and collected on the outside but on the inside he could feel his soul wither as time passed.

Leaving the winery in a haste,he got on his horse and off he was,the first location he went to was mondstadt,trying desperatly to ask people about your whereabouts or if they have seen you at all but  it was late at night so the only people to ask where the knights at the main gate.The knights telling diluc that they saw you leave the city and take the road that lead towards the winery.Taking the same path diluc’s body slowly started getting overtaken by stress as he saw no sight of you.

Suddenly he saw a person laying in the middle of the pathath.

‘‘no it can’t be’‘diluc whispered out loud,getting closer and realizing who the person was.Getting off his horse he sprinted towards you.

He breathed heavily as he held you lifeless corpse on his hand,tears streaming down his cheeks,shaking you desperatly to ‘’wake up’’ as he couldnt believe that you were dead right before his very own eyes,regretting his desition letting you go out alone.From all the shaking,diluc noticed that you were holding something on your half closed hand,taking it off he saw that it was a fatui insignia.Did you try to fight back?or did they placed it there on purpose knowing that diluc would find you eventually.His grief slowly turned into burning hatred.Taking you into his arms and taking you back to the winery for a proper burial.

‘‘i won’t let them get away with it,i promise’‘stroking your face softly one last time,starting to plot his revenge for what they did to avenge you.

🍃😠Xiao

🍃😠Now Xioa he was always scared and very cautious when you were away traveling before coming back to liyue to stay for a bit and leaving again to continue your travels again.You would sent him letters knowing your were abouts with photos of beautiful scenary that you took from  the places you are visiting.

🍃😠He told you to call out his name no matter how dangerous the situation was and that he will be there for you  no matter what.

🍃😠Unlike the others Xiao never saw you die.He realized it when latern rite happened,you always came to liyue around that time to visit and pass time with him as it was the aniversary where the two of you officially became a couple.

This time was different,you never showed up during latern rite nor he recieved any letters from you that you werent going to make it this year’s latern rite nor the next nor the one after that,At first he thought you found someone else but he realized that wasnt thecase,Xiao quickly realized that your luck might have caught up to you.He felt devistated he wasnt even able to say goodbye to you,the ;ast conversation you two had running on rpeat inside his head over and over again remembering the last location you were going to visit before you left.Getting up from where he was sitting he decide that he was going to find you no matter what.

#genshin x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin impact x y/n #xiao x you #xiao angst #xiao headcanons #xiao x reader #diluc x reader angst #diluc x reader #diluc headcanons #diluc x y/n #diluc ragnivindr x reader #childe x reader #childe headcanons #childe angst #tartaglia angst #genshin tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia headcanons #genshin angst

[crybyemissamericanpie]

Academic rivals - Coriolanus Snow x fem!reader (PT,1)

needed to put the story in 2 parts cause I wrote too much, and i cannot change first or anything, idk my tumblr is acting weird

TW: Mentions of death

Coriolanus Snow and Y/n Y/l, the top students of the academy,for years now. They didn't really hate each other,they just like a challenge, and with the hunger games coming up and both of them going to be mentors soon enough, the adrenaline just grew

Everybody is seated in the class room, the teacher calls the names out for the student then tells them their score and their grade "Coriolanus snow,99%, A as usual" The teacher says as she looks at Coriolanus with a small smile putting the paper in front of him, as she walks back she reads out"Y/n Y/l-"The teacher stops, as if she is double checking her reading"29%, F"Says the teacher, the small shock and disappointment in her voice could be heard as the students eyes light up and immediately look at y/n in silence, she puts the paper down in front of herShe looks down at it and the teacher goes on to say the other grades.

She starres at the F, with her head down the entire class until the bell rang, and Coriolanus came over to her desk as the last student left too"Didn't expect that" Coriolanus says, as he looks over her shoulder, his eyes observing her paper

They were academic rivals of course, but after all they've known each other since babies, they hid in the dark days together, and when the tests disappear they can real be friends

"So didnt i"she says, her eyes not moving from the paper, blinking a few times as her eyes feelt like it was burning a hole through the score and the grade next to it

"Is there a reason?why this was so bad?"Coriolanus asks, he knows there is no such a thing that y/n wouldn't study or didn't remember the test, he knows that something is on her mind

"The games"she says, her mind running off. She speaked her truth, no matter if Coriolanus would take adventage of her weakness, making her think about the game more so she would be humiliated at the next test again

The games, it was the 10th game of the Capitol putting kids in an arena, then watch them fight to stay alive for their own enjoyment, or 'to remember what has the districts done' at the rebellion, it was stupid

"Stressed?"he asks,Coriolanus himself didn't know what to think of the games, he thought it was smart that they used it to show power, that they are still stronger than the districts no matter what

"Scared"She replied,the only thing scary wasn't just to watch kids fight to death but that she might get attached to her tribute and what if they can't win after all its 1 vs 23 , expect if they make allies, but either a disease, thirst, hunger, poison or a tribute is gonna kill them no matter what, it was cruel

"You're too smart to be scared about that,it haven't even begun"Coriolanus point out, that makes Y/ns head turn"yeah I don't even know which kid do I have to see die" She barks at him, frustrated a bit

"And..-and what if your tribute won?"Coriolanus tries to make this more positive"still gives them trauma"She replies as her eyes stares into his, as she observes him a bit more

Was he gorgeous, she thought, he was always fine, his blonde curls, his blue eyes,kissable red lips, he could steal anyone's heart in a heartbeat, oh but was he clueless, she thought again, he was always like every capitol born, agreeing with everything the Capitol does, even when not saying it out loud she knows. But he isn't like the Capitol themselves, yet.

Coriolanus sighs giving up to fight for his own opinion and to make it a bit happier, he straightens up a bit, fixing his red uniform"I'll see you later"says Coriolanus, not even waiting for her answer, he walks out of the room, leaving her alone in the cold classroom

#coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus snow x you #coriolanus snow x female!reader #Coriolanus snow x fem!reader #Coriolanus snow x f!reader #Fluff #Part 1 #Hunger games fanfic #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas #young!coriolanus snow

[pristine-rose]

need to know what your headcanons for kujou sara's hands please 🧎🏻🧎🏻🧎🏻🧎🏻🧎🏻🧎🏻🧎🏻🧎🏻

…….. ur genius. why didnt i think of her. lemme add others too that i for some reason left out the first time

Hands

Part One . Part Two

⊹ characters : sara, jean, eula, shenhe

⊹ synopsis : genshin women fingers/hands hcs and drabbles

⊹ warnings : NSFW, fingering (all), oral (sara), slight worship (sara), guided masturbation (jean), slight praise (jean), overstimulation (eula & shenhe), sub reader (all but jean)

⊹ female reader (afab, she/her usage), not beta read

⊹ KUJOU SARA

Oh, the way she holds her bow. Her sword, too. She’s grown up learning how to wield these things, and so her hands are incredibly tough and defined from years of practice.

She tends to show desperation in her hands—in the way her rather defined knuckles curve out when she grips tightly on your skin. It shows her need. Her desire for you.

The general’s hands have endured in countless of battles, but they instead treat you like the manifestation of salvation.

Her hands—so sinful and filled with war—performed their prayer in the form of touching your body.

How blessed she must be. A general like her, so serious and so undeserving, yet gifted with the chance to worship you like this. Her fingers gripped your thighs so tightly, so much so that her knuckles and joints stressed from holding on. You felt the roughness of her fingers on your skin, holding you like she holds her bow, or like she holds the hilt of her sword.

In the same sense, your body is an art she fears to let go.

Her tongue slowly works wonders into you. And every little whimper that spills from your pretty lips has her gripping your thighs and pulling them closer to her. She pushes them against each side of her head, so that she may envelope all her senses to be filled with you, and only you.

“My lady,” she whispered breathlessly, pulling away from your heavenly core for just a moment. One of her hands twitched from desire, before she begged, “Please, may I—”

One little yank on her hair closer to your core was enough of an answer to dive in.

She let go of one of your thighs, her pointer finger quickly and almost shakily rubbing against your clit to collect its fluids. And then she plunged in without warning—her immediate fingering had you gasping, and she shivered from delight at the sound.

Her fingers relished your core like it was the last night she’d ever live, for war was all the general knew. But at least she’d get to indulge in your taste for another night before she goes.

⊹ JEAN GUNNHILDR

A bit nimble, though you can presume it’s from how long she has to hold a pen every day. Sometimes a bit shaky, too, especially after a long night of paperwork.

But her hands are still so toned from her skill with a sword. They look like that of a strong warrior, yet also of a tired desk-work woman all at the same time.

She has a nicely thin wrist to grab so you can guide her hands. They are skilled in fighting and in holding her pen, but they get shaky trying something new.

“Start reaching down for me, will you?”

She whimpered a bit at your words, too shy to start following them. Her hands were already kneading her own bare breasts, right under the mischievous gaze you presented her.

So ridiculously did she sit in her chair; yet so irresistibly adorable in your eyes. A wild blush painted her face as she followed your instructions on how to touch herself, though her hands were unskilled at such a feat. And that was why you were in front of her, telling her exactly how to move her shaking hands.

They were so pretty. They were beautifully built hands, though tainted with a few ink stains on her palms from her pen. Upon her hazy state, she whimpered at sudden contact—your own hand had dived to tightly grip at her small wrist. She found her breaths growing shallower as you snaked her shaking hand down her stomach, closer and closer to her core. Once you brushed her own two fingers against her clit, she squeaked.

“Now press on it,” you instructed her, and she gasped when she felt your breath hit her little bud. “Slide them up and down. You’ll do good for me, won’t you?”

Oh, how she was weak for your praise. So desperate to hear it—so desperate to learn just for you—she began to slide her fingers. A soft moan erupted from her lips, and her mind felt dazed when she saw your lips curl upwards.

“Adorable,” you whispered, before you took her fingers in your hold. She gasped as you inserted her own digits inside of her; the feeling was so foreign and so wet, but somehow your adoring eyes made her squirm in breathless delight. Her shy fingers looked so pretty buried inside of her, and the way you smiled said it all.

⊹ EULA LAWRENCE

They’re elegant and graceful, yet so strong at the same time—and she doesn’t even know it.

She moves her hands as practiced from growing up with the aristocrats, so it’s only natural she presents them so eloquently. But her hands have also learned to endure the heaviness of her greatsword, thus shaping her hands to look like a mixture of a princess and a warrior.

Because of this, she doesn’t know when she’s being too rough with her pretty hands. She’s too used to it by now, that she has no clue when her fingers are fucking you so hard.

“Quiet down, please.”

She utters this, because she doesn’t know how much she’s downright breaking you right now. She believes it’s a normal pace—slow, even—that she is fingering you in.

Slow, steady, and even. Her hands have been rougher with her greatsword; they’ve curled around the hilt so tightly before as she swings it around with the force of a strong fighter. They’ve gripped tightly like no other just to prove her own worth.

But you were no weapon, and she did not treat you like one. And yet here you were, sitting on her lap and crying out such indecencies like “‘s too fast, Eula!” and “please… not so rough.” She couldn’t understand; her fingers were pumping into you at a normal intensity in her books, though your body was squirming uncontrollably against her own.

In fact, she felt a little offended. Were you implying she was just too rough? Was she too much as a person? Did you want her to be more aristocratic?

She gritted her teeth right next to your ear. If you claimed such false things, then she will have her vengeance. Her fingers plunged into you deeper and harder than before, and this time she was actually trying to go rough. She hooked on your cunt the same way she hooks on to her hilt—tight and brutal.

You almost screamed out at every curl and every thrust she gave you, your body practically collapsing right on to her.

Good, she thought. If you cried rough, then she’ll show you what rough is.

⊹ SHENHE

So dainty yet so defined, fit for a warrior and a goddess. She grew up with the adepti—of course she has her own way of doing things.

Light blue painted. Some nails are really short, some are a bit longer, but nothing sharp. She keeps them at a short-ish height for best combat performance.

Untrained in the art of fingering, she likes testing all her fingers. And yes, she keeps her little hand glove on <3

Ahem.

“How does this one feel?” she muttered.

Four fingers splayed out on your inner thigh, meanwhile her thumb both plunged and rubbed inside of you. It almost felt like she was just doing this to experiment—which you honestly couldn’t doubt—instead of trying to pleasure you.

And perhaps, pleasuring you wasn’t her intention in the first place.

“Mm… good. It’s good,” you whimpered.

She made no verbal response, though from the corner of your eyes you swore you saw her head nod. The only real confirmation you got was when her thumb exited from your already soaking wet hole—she already tried all her fingers, with her thumb being the last one. And you’ve already came twice; once from her middle finger and now just from her thumb.

You thought she was done, or at least you hoped she was done. And so you let out a sudden moan when her pointer and middle finger suddenly plunged into you out of nowhere.

No slow slide, no warning—just straight in. You felt your walls pulsing to take both of them in, her hands feeling like magic inside of your already overstimulated mind.

“So it seems two fingers together gets more of a reaction out of you…” she observed. “I don’t… think I understand…”

She sounded confused, and if you weren’t pleasured out of your mind right now, you would’ve called her cute. In some sort of trial and error experiment, she slowly exited her fingers, then tried a different combination: her middle and her ring finger this time. You gasped once again from the full feeling; she seemed to take note of it.

“Hmm…” she thoughtfully hummed. “I guess I’ll just keep trying until I get it.”

you guysss this is making my hand obsession worse ☹️

#kujou sara x reader #shenhe x reader #eula x reader #jean gunhildr x reader #jean x reader #sara kujou x reader #eula lawrence x reader #genshin x reader #eula smut #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #genshin imagines #genshin headcanons #genshin fanfic #genshin impact #kujou sara #jean gunnhildr #eula lawrence #shenhe

[weebsinstash]

I sent an ask responding to the Izuku parts that I hope you got.(if not fml)

But I figured I should send a separate ask to talk about Miguel.

So like my thoughts have been centering on this scenario where you're his secretary or assistant because he is the CEO. He's a beta and you're an omega.

You guys have a purely professional relationship, tbh half the time he doesnt even realize you got you're heat and just finds out you called in when you dont respond. Really the only thing he cares about is you doing your work, getting it done on time, and not half-assing it.

But then he gets the spider DNA and everything goes to shit. Not only does the spider DNA give him extra abilities and enhanced senses, but it also gives him some alpha traits/tendencies.

He goes in to work thinking it'll help distract him and get him back in the rhythm of everything only to just get fucking hit in the face with your scent. Queue him rushing past because it takes everything in him not to just pounce on you.

But as I said, he only got a few alpha traits. He didnt actually become an alpha. So while he's out here wanting to just pin you to his or your desk, knot and claim you....he's completely incapable. His body is completely incapable of performing those actions and it only leans into his yandere behavior and tendencies.

I've also been think like(depending on how one writes abo), sometimes betas dont have a sent or if they do its extremely faint. Yandere beta miguel who cant even smother you in his scent because he basically doesn't have one, meanwhile you dont even realize he's changed at all because you cant smell it.

Though because he doesnt have a scent he would absolutely sneak into your house/appartment. Its basically the only upside in his eyes.

Also anytime you go into heat and have to miss work? He is immediately taking your seat from your desk and huffing it while he touches himself. Then at night as spiderman will come just close enough to be able to smell you but still not lose control of himself, absolutely getting off on your scent and sounds of pleasure from you using a toy.

God this shits been living in my brain rent free for like the last week and wont go away 😭

I got the Izuku ask :) trust me when I say I am simply dogshit awful at getting back to people and being consistent

Picture if Reader is actually a really competent employee of his at Alchemax but Miguel like BARELY pays any mind to you because, you know, he's got all sorts of shit constantly stressing him out and occupying his mind on top of migraine, and suddenly you're going into work and bringing him his preferred coffee as usual when, he tries to make small talk? You've worked for this man for like at least a year, basically only speaking when necessary, and one day you lean over to put a coffee or some papers on his desk and that brings you just close enough for him to take in a breath of your scent which instantly helps alleviate his headaches

You're basically done giving him what he needs and you're literally about to leave the room when he suddenly calls out (almost in a "wait I need to catch you before you leave" kind of urgency) and you pause and look at him with those big eyes of yours he suddenly can't stop staring into when Romeo hits you with "so .... how are you?"

And you're just kind of stunned for a few moments because this is a man who basically doesn't speak to you unless he needs something, even when you go to him to pass along a message or something or other about his schedule and your secretarial duties it's typically just a sort of "got it, thank you" sort of response and you're sent on your way again, or given another task, so in ao forth. You basically can't get a good read on the man's personality because he simply doesn't talk to you enough or at least about anything other than work

He officially enters the Goo Goo Eyes Zone where when you like someone almost everything about them is so cute and had more meaning than it actually does and is basically finally seeing you for the first time. He FINALLY notices what kinds of perfumes/body mists you like to use to smell nice even if it's something you've worn for ages, the ways you prefer to style yourself, which little accessories or rings or whatever may be your favorite, little mannerisms you may have like clicking pens or singing little songs when you think you're along, like when you're doing something and it's you're just like occasionally singing, like he finds you washing a coffee cup in the break room all "--and its doooOooone!"

The need to learn more about you escalates because suddenly he's like "wait I've known them for all this time and never noticed all these things, what ELSE don't I know?" And it really is an obsessive infatuation. You live in a high rise where you don't really have to worry about closing your blinds or anything which is perfect for Miguel "don't you know i have enhanced senses" O'Hara to watch you from the roof of the next building over. You never lock your windows because, what's the point? He starts learning your schedule and meticulously taking all kinds of notes until it's the level of him outright entering your apartment to snoop through all of your things and potentially plant bugs and cameras

One day you're opening your window and kind of poke your head out to look at the city and you notice weird sorts of, almost gouges in the wall outside? What are those from? (Well sweetie, turns out, when you were going to town on yourself last night to relieve a little stress, he was the equivalent of like 10 feet away, clinging to your building, listening to and potentially recording every little gasp and finger flick)

But he gets SO frustrated when you're, you know polite, but, not exactly as receptive as he's hoped? When in reality he's still being awkward as fuck and you're still kind of adjusting to him paying attention to you, and it probably feels good to have him seemingly recognizing your efforts but like, you don't wanna. date him??? At least not so suddenly or anything, so he's trying to court you, but, it's becoming harder and harder to be around you at all, let alone when your heats start coming up. He could never tell before that your scent starts changing when That Time is coming around, gradually shifting and becoming something he finds differently hypnotic, something that makes him want to bury his nose in your neck while also, being buried in you period

He'll grow the balls to be more direct with you eventually, but he justifies everything by telling himself he just wants to get to know more about you, and that the stalking is just him trying to get to know you a little more, so when he sees you face to face he can win you over and make you his mate treat you better, obviously! He'll... he'll ask you out to dinner next week, he promises! But for now, he's just gonna, stay right here perched under your window, seeing and hearing and smelling everything

#yandere spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #sinprompts #yandere stuff

[ssturniolo92]

Matt Sturniolo-Fight

pairing-matt sturniolo x reader

genre-angst

warnings-cursing, yelling

description-after a fight y/n and matt separate, but they unexpectedly reunite months later

part 2 part 3

you rarely ever fought with matt. i mean of course you bickered, but this time was an exception.

“why didn’t you tell me this?!” he asked holding up the college acceptance letter. you had been working hard for years to get into a good college and you had finally achieved it.

“because i didn’t think you would care.” you admitted.

“what?!” he asked, taken aback.

“i don’t know, matt. ever since you got big on youtube you just don’t seem to care anymore.”

“me?! i don’t care?!” he yelled. “you’re the one who never answers my calls, hardly ever comes over, and you never even come in our videos.”

“have you not seen the hate i get on there?!” you shouted. “people saying i’m not good enough and that you should move on. don’t you think that hurts?”

“what do you want me to do about it?” he yelled throwing his arms in the air.

you didn’t know how to reply so you stayed silent. matt was never like this unless he was stressed, so apart of you felt bad for fighting with him.

“i still don’t understand why you didn’t tell me about school.” he said quietly.

“fuck school! i don’t care!” i yelled. (i hope you get the reference)

“what do you mean you don’t care? this is all you’ve been working for.”

“no, matt. ever since we started talking, all i’ve cared about was you. i put my heart and soul into this relationship!”

“yeah, we’ll maybe you shouldn’t have.”

you were shocked by his words, your mouth left agape. you turned on your heels and headed towards your shared room. you grabbed your car keys and the money you had been saving together and headed towards the door.

“y/n where are you-”

“save it matt, you’re right. i shouldn’t have put everything i had into you.” you said before slamming the door behind you.

7 months later…

it had been 7 months since that day. and you were doing good. as good as you could be.

“i’m doing good i’m on some new shit.”

you were headed to a date with a guy from school, you had wanted to say no. but you had decided that it would be better for you to move on.

“been saying yes instead of no.”

on your way to school a few weeks ago, you were waiting for the bus. a figure that vaguely looked like matt walked by, and you could see him out of the corner of your eye.

“i thought i saw you at the bus stop,”

to your disappointment, it was a stranger. this had happened dozens of times over the last 7 months, but you still held hope.

“i didnt though.”

after one night of sleeping without matt by your side, your insomnia came back. so instead of just sitting in silence staring at your ceiling, you decided to do something productive. you usually either went on a walk or did homework, or both.

“i hit the ground running each night.”

but now you were spending your sunday afternoon going to a movie with some guy you couldn’t even remember the name of.

“i hit the sunday matinee.”

you guessed that most of the time things just didn’t work out. and that was okay, even if it hurt.

“you know the greatest films of all time we’re never made.”

sometimes you let yourself think back to the times of before. you didn’t let it happen often, but sometimes you let yourself think of what could’ve been.

“i guess you never know, never know.”

apart of you blamed him. if he really wanted you to stay maybe he would’ve gone after you. or he could’ve at least called.

“and if you wanted me you really should’ve showed.”

and the other part of you thought that maybe this was just a life lesson or some shit like that. maybe you would learn from this in the future.

“and if you never bleed youre never gonna grow.”

it had been hard to leave him. but it had gotten easier, at least, if you never let yourself think about it.

“and it’s all right now.”

as you were walking towards the building you ran into someone.

“hey.”

read part 2 here!!!

#Spotify #milarq46 #matt #sturniolo #chris #chris sturniolo #fluff #matt sturniolo fluff #nick

[modernghostfare]

Ask from both Mat and I basically: tell us a little about your headcanons for Nikto's brother 🥺 how did they get along during their youth? and how did his brother cope with Nikto's disappearance and "death" as he himself got a family and everything?

i am SO shy about this........ okay so i think they were rly close like always bc they were both sort of tasked with watching each other? so they just had to spend a lot of time with just them outside of school. like they would fight (physically. siblings try to kill each other.) also but they could bond over both getting the shit knocked out of them by their mom for it. they sort of troll logicked themselves into being a tight-knit duo of assholes. it helps i think they look super similar despite having different dads and theyre both tall and beefed. wall of meat. i think his brother is the shorter one of the two tho (by like 3 inches.). and the slightly calmer one (barely.).

their relationship has never been like super Easy tho as ive mentioned to u i think theyve gone thru a period of like not speaking. probably actually multiple times but like a Long Stretch of Years at least once. i do think his brother, since hes calmer, finds it easier to like sit and actually reflect on himself/things and i think like his 2nd wife didnt like niktoprenikto or their mom and he could like See Why bc his mom is Not Nice* and nikto is a dick (and Violent and an Alcoholic). SO like. a marriage lasting 3-4 years they did not speak and nikto does carry that chip on his shoulder bc hes. yknow. a brat.

i do think they were speaking when he started his undercover work and his brother didnt like it didnt trust it didnt appreciate the danger it put him in. i think his mom also did not like it. but like. u cant tell nikto what to do even before he was nikto u could not do this. SO. getting the word that niktoprenikto was mia was not like super shocking but it was still very stressful but there wasnt ever much he could do apart from sit and wait for word bc he has his own family he has to take care of (current, 3rd wife and 2 kids. + their mom at the time). i think he probably still sends letters trying to get word from people esp bc i think [redacted] has actually been like "mia" for long enough to be legally considered dead so there is a deep dread that his brother is just dead and buried somewhere no one will ever know but he has a little hope that thats just not the case. and yknow he is both right and wrong about that. i think he very much Does Not Want to talk about how its affected him but he will openly talk about his brother being missing bc. well. he would like to see if anyone has spotted him.

i also think if he and nikto ever met Currently he would be like. shocked. that nikto thinks he is so different from how he used to be bc i think he would pick up on just his usual mannerisms/the way he holds himself/the way he jokes (even if its fully deadpan now)/like down to his smoking habits like he could See his brother. he would see the changes but he would focus on the positives. it helps he would not be able to read nikto's thoughts.

*i do not think at all that you would really get away with calling their mom a cunt even tho u Could bc she was abusive i think theyre very defensive of her bc shes the only adult they had in their young life that consistently was there and trying to provide for them + she was insanely young and theyre very aware of this.

#asks #cerosin bis #nikto #Hello does this make sense.

[cluelylikesporn]

okay exam update cuz im actually really pissed off.

so im autistic + adhd, and only been diagnosed relatively recently, so i havent really been getting assistance until now. (autism diagnosis last year, adhd 2 years ago.)

my last exam was (still is) this period, and im going home once i finish it. one of my other exams i was sent to special ed (it’s called different things in australia and other schools but i dont wanna get doxxed) and the chick helping me (we’ll call her charlie) told me she couldnt even read the questions out to me… like i legit get more help in my normal exam conditions.

she told me WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK “i think i know why your so upset, because you know you dont listen in class and just sleep and draw on your hand.” cunt, what..?

HOW ARE YOU WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENT KIDS..?

i literally have spent my whole life wondering why i cant listen in class and hearing “just reread it.” or “your not listening hard enough.” is so fucking tiring. maybe explain it? she refused to help me because i “wasnt approved” to have a helper

the school knows im autistic so why do i have to be approved to get the help i need? like you dont have to make up all these forms and files. you have teachers who can help me literally in the building who could help me but you refuse.

okok i got rlly off topic but tldr on what happened today:

my teacher sent me to the special ed area to do my exam (last time he did they told me to go back) also shout out to my english teacher hes a legend. he gave me my sheet, i took a ritalin, said bye to the people i liked and left. (i used to take ritalin daily but now i jst take it to focus better in exams and shit)

i went to se and saw a couple kids i knew. one i hated and didnt know why he was there, one who has some mental problems so i understood why he was there. hes a sweetie. and some chick i knew who broke her wrist and had to write on a laptop.

so one by one they were assigned a teacher who would sit with them and help them/ read out questions and then the lady said “oh chloe your not supposed to be here, you have to go back to class.”

are you fucking kidding me.

i completely understand its not her or my teachers fault im not meant to be there, but im allowed to be a little frustrated. i asked why i kept getting sent here and why i couldn’t get help.

same shit about documents and boring stuff.

keep in mind i get ndis funding so i thought that would impact my education experience but nope, literally nothing. i also understand there could be things my mum hasnt done and that’s completely ok she has her own life, but also THE SCHOOL KNOWS IM AUTISTIC. that should be enough. its like i only get the help if i start ditching class and become an eshay or some shit like i shouldnt have to become a troubled kid to get help.

so the lady said my only benefit i even got from the school is like 5 minutes extra time. and she told me i could either go back to class or do my exam here( which means i could get no help/ questions read to me.)

ngl this was dumb of me but i said ok bc i didnt want to go back to class after saying bye to everyone😭

so i sat there with one airpod in, a pen that didnt fucking work, the only help i could get was eavesdropping on what the assistant teachers were saying but they were so quiet. i did manage to write some stuff but it was pretty fucking stressful. i couldnt stop thinking about what charlie said (the lady helping me with my maths the week before.)

this may sound super dumb but i saw a crow fly onto a table outside and i felt like it was watching over me. like it was looking right at me. it made me feel a bit better and i got some work done.

it wouldve been fine if those fucking assistant teachers didnt keep giving me pitiful looks like bro. i know im fucked.

anyway i finished my exam (barely) and went to the bathroom to tell my friend ab what happened, caught a bus home and am about to play dbd 😾

sorry for the long post im jst so pissed😭 but ily guys and ill post i swear🙏

song of the day:

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #spotify #the walking dead #dead by daylight #metal #metallica #elvira #autism #adhd #spiderman #scott pilgrim #rammstein #elton john #australia #exams

[gaming-thoughts-by-an-idiot]

Fable 2, once more!

"Today I found out there's two ways you can get flies around you... by having sex without a condom aka u get STDs, AND if you're corrupt... which I am currently cuz im making everyone give me 100% in rent"

"Holy shit, I soon got 10k! I went from like 5k... wait, does it keep going when the xbox is off? That's not possible... right? I gotta google"

"Yes... yes I do"

"OH MY GOD. FUCK. IM ON THE LOWEST, IM ALL THE WAY CORRUPT OMG"

"After 10 hours of napping, I got 20k almost 30k muhahaha"

"Alright, I need a husband"

"Are all the monks bisexual?"

"Cmere baby"

Rob: its not a bad house

Me: it cost 10k its perfect stfu

"HOW DO WE HAVE SEX WHAT"

"Okay apparently the house made me evil... gotta evict some people"

"Wow, my husband just said HE doesn't care bout my looks, but his friends make fun of him... I bet his friends also wanna bone me"

"Purification? This is the house for us"

"Alright, I'm a mom now"

"God, I feel so bad for Theresa... this isnt the last time she's gonna read those cards"

"Game made my daughter have the name Becky, and it makes me think of spy x family, so I like it"

"Yeees...yes... love me, child"

"Oh crap, I threw up on my child"

"Juuust gonna sleep a lot so people think I'm pure"

"Oh my god, there's so many people who love me"

"AH"

Rob: I hope our love lasts longer than my parents

Me: WHAT

"Speechless"

"Damn, monks are horny"

"Fiiine we can have sex"

Extra salted peanuts: two peanuts were walking down the street, and then they were assaulted. They deserved it

Me: WHY WHAT DID THEY DO???

"Sooo, apparently if you buy lots of houses, log out of xbox live, set your date to several years and then start the game, I can get a lot of money? Let's do it"

"Okay idk how to sign out of live, so let's skip that"

"I managed to get off live"

"... okay I can't set date"

"Nevermind I set the date"

"Let's see if this works also this hack is so sad cuz it was posted 15 years ago, aka 2008, and they were like 'the highest u can set the time to is 2024' like ow, that's now"

"I'm so excited"

"It didnt work :("

"IT WORKED IT WORKED YO IT FUCKING WORKED I HAD 7K AND NOW I HAVE 59425 OMFG"

"It says I'm in Feb, so I'll do Jan 2025, idk if I have to but I'll turn on and off xbox"

"wait... am I stupid? Oh god I am... I should do Dec"

"51k wow... I now have 111225 coins, just amazing"

"Now I'm setting the time back cuz it's gonna stress me"

"Alrighty, behold me, buying all the houses hehe"

Me: I have a lot of money!

The villages: so that means you're gonna lower the rents right?

Me: :)

The villages: ... right?

"I just need to buy all the houses and before, ya know I leave, I'll put them down to like less than 50%"

"Wow... I don't have enough money to do buy the pub... I thought I had like a lot of money now aww"

"I set my title to 'dog lover' and idk if I uh like it"

#gaming #funny #relatable gaming thoughts #fable2 #fable 2 #fable ii #fable the game #gaming thoughts by an idiot #i hope im popular enough to make people think about me when they think 'relatable gaming thoughts'

[alarming-prism]

i saw your response to the ask about a fic u wanted more positive engagement on and i just want u to know i read that when i didnt have an ao3 account and have been searching for that fic FOREVER like it drove me so crazy it was so good. like im the type who usually only reads happy endings but it literally plagued my thoughts for MONTHS it was so good.... their relationship was so deliciously awful i think its peak representation of fq during their era of nothing but raw hurt and festering resentment from misunderstandings and all the outside factors stressing them out.... so excited to watch fxmq irreparably hurt and damage each other.... also yes the writing was a bit confusing but like in a good way,,,, like if it had been less vague and more clear i feel like it wouldnt have been as enjoyable bc that writing style really fit the vibe of the story, it kind of pulled it all together ykwim? like i really loved how u wrote it i think it was perfect as is, i cant think of a single possible thing that could make it even better.... yeah, tbh just for all your fics, u have this way of setting a kind of atmosphere throughout that just really brings the whole story together, like i noticed it in the mq toy store employee fic and the broken threads fic too. im not articulate enough to identify or describe what it is exactly that u do, but u do it sososososoooooo well it drives me crazy. youre amazing <33 ok ummmm i love all your writing and i will easily wait another 10 years for a hint of a second chapter for this fic or any other works by u, so please take your time without worry, i hope u have an amazing day/night, byeeee :3 <3

i'll have you know that i had a super rough day yesterday + i'm currently sick rn and when i got this ask i started to tear up. you get me and you get exactly what i'm going for. i understand wanting happy endings but i'm also desperate to explore the part of fengqing that's in continuous conflict not through any fault of their own but because of their circumstances + who they are as people,, and i know that's not for everyone but it makes me so happy that you understand what i'm trying to do here lmao.

i think i'll legitimately have to rethink my entire life if it takes me ten years to finish the second chapter, but i just checked my fic tracking doc and i started it back in february so uhh. i can't make any promises but this did make me open up that doc again and nanowrimo is coming up so i'll have to work on something or other. and every time i actually start thinking about this fic again i start to go insane. i think last time i worked on it i made myself cry? i'm definitely just oversharing at this point but.

idk just. thank you so much for sending such a long, heartfelt ask. it made a shitty day infinitely better. i hope you have an amazing day/night right back <3

#ask #fengqing #thank youuu

[house-of-slayterr]

Waking from a Nightmare:

Hannibal Family pt. 8: @charliedawn @iloveslasher

Tw: Abuse

Newt’s POV:

I awoke in Peter’s bed again. He was nowhere to be seen. The sheets were cold. He must have gotten up early, or perhaps he never went to bed. Memories of last night came flooding back to me. Emotions bubbling to the surface, I let out a scream. A primal scream, tears of pent up rage and anger and hurt fleeing my body in an instant. It shook me violently and I fell to the floor.

I held my head in my hands, trying to calm myself. My skin felt hot and sticky and I hated it. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn’t i just forget about everything and be normal? I’d pushed away the bad thoughts before, so why now we’re they sticking? Clinging to me like a desperate child. Thinking of everything that man did to me made me sick. My writs still ached from all the times he’d chained me up.

I could feel the marks on my back sting as I had flashbacks to the whippings. The skin on my left hand burned as I remembered the time he held it over the stove. To teach me a lesson when I accidentally burned dinner. My feet ached from the countless miles he made me run when I was in trouble. Every single thing he’d done to me was ripe in my mind, years of repression and denial coming to the surface. It stung unimaginably so, like a branding iron searing into my brain.

My nails being to claw at the marks around my wrist absentmindedly, causing them to bleed. I didn’t notice the tears, or the door cracking open. Peter was by my side in an instant. I didn’t even hear the other footsteps enter the room. I flinched back as he tried to touch me. I scooted back across the floor, beginning to hyperventilate.

I could hear them, I could see them, but it felt like they were far away. The room was spinning violently, and it felt like I was floating. I couldn’t ground myself.

“Hannibal, what do I do?” Peter’s voice grazed my ears.

“Make it stop!” I cried.

I didnt wait for a réponse.

“Please just make it stop. Everything hurts and I don’t want to feel anymore!” I begged.

Peter came toward me again. He squatted beside me and slowly held out his hand, attempting to remove my hands. He tilted my chin up to make me look at him.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He plead.

“I can feel everything he’s done to me and it’s disgusting. Peter I’m disgusting!” I cried.

I screamed again, pulling my knees into my chest. It’s like I couldn’t control my emotions, they felt too big. Years worth of pushing them down, all bubbling to the surface in a chaotic display. It was utterly pathetic and I felt stupid, especially with an audience. Which was only making me feel worse.

“What kind of a person stabs their own father?” I asked, just loud enough for Peter to hear.

I felt awful, I could hear him begin to sniffle. I was stressing him out, making my best friend cry. Why did he even hang out with me? Why would he let himself cry for me? It didn’t make any sense to me. I began pulling at my hair.

“Uncle perhaps we should sedate the girl?” I heard Morgan finally speak up.

My head shot up, looking directly at him. He turned his head to make eye contact with me. My eyes widened. I was trembling and I couldn’t tell if it was fear or anger at this point. I couldn’t read his expression. His voice was flat and devoid of emotion, I expected to see him smirking. Chelsey he enjoyed my distress last night. But it wasn’t like that now, he seemed almost, disappointed.

I couldn’t even come up with a viable sentence. I wanted to beg them not to, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was useless.

“I’m not a girl.” I mumbled.

Hannibal took a step toward me, and I pressed myself further into the wall.

“You need to breath my dear. Can you do that for me?” He asked softly.

I shook my head no, finally looking at Peter and seeing the tears stringing at his eyes. It broke my heart and just sent me spiriting further. My breath picked up and my lungs burned.

“Morgan, please remove Peter from the room.” Hannibal instructed.

Morgan didn’t hesitate to follow his uncles request and came toward the both of us. It was obvious from his size he could easily remove Peter. But Peter didn’t seem to want to go. He reached his hand out to me and I grabbed it tightly. Morgan tugged at him, but I refused to let go.

“Peter, don’t make this difficult. We’re going to take care of them.” Morgan tried to soothe him.

“They need to be ok!” Peter cried. “Make them better!” He plead with Hannibal.

I could feel my grip slipping. Everything felt too much, I could barely see from how dizzy I’d become.

“Don’t leave me!” I begged.

And it was the last thing I said before everything went numb. I couldn’t feel his hand in mine anymore. I couldn’t feel the cold floor under my legs. I couldn’t feel Hannibal’s arms hook under my legs as he picked me up.

Hannibal’s POV:

The boys and I were discussing what to do about Newt, and Peter seemed to grow increasingly agitated. Morgan didn’t trust them, and Kevin was totally indifferent. But they saw us kill, it would be dangerous or give them any freedom now. We’d come to far to get caught over something so careless. Not that I regretted my decision for a second.

They were a child. They didn’t deserve anything that man did to them. He wasn’t even good enough to eat. I had Kevin dispose of the body last night. After the man bleed to death from his wounds. I had to admit, I never expected the teen to stab her father. I should have anticipated that reaction. Peter saw something in them for a reason. I was brought out of my inner headspace when I heard Peter raise his voice uncharacteristically.

“We are not killing them Kevin! God, could you be any more insensitive! You’re the worst cousin ever!” He seethed.

I know he didn’t mean his words, but I had to remind him that that sort of talk wasn’t allowed in this house.

“Peter.” I said in a warning tone.

“He’s being unreasonable Hannibal. They haven’t done anything wrong! They won’t harm us!” He said, must softer now.

“I know. Please calm down. We will handle this situation properly. Kevin, you are not to try and harm them unless they become a serious threat, do you understand me?”

Kevin scoffed, rolling his eyes. I grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at me.

“Do you understand me?”

“Yes, uncle.” He said.

I dropped his chin. Satisfied with his response. They seemed to forget I was in charge while Hannibal Sr was trapped in prison.

“I don’t think they’re run, but I doubt they’ll want to talk to any of us.” Morgan added. “I did trick then into seeing their father die.”

I was still upset at him for that. Morgan would be properly punished for his childish behaviour later. But I knew he understood what he did was wrong.

“Perhaps you can work on them Uncle? Wear them down like you did with Agent Graham.”

I tensed at the mention of William. He had helped me kidnap the man. I suppose he’d want an update on the situation. I would have to call him in for a session later. Suddenly a scream tore its way through the house. It sounded pained, like the howl of a feral wolf. Peter cringed, covering his ears quickly.

“Seems they’re awake.” Kevin said smuggly.

I glared at him.

“Get the room ready Incase we need it Kevin.”

He nodded and walked off into the far reaches of the house. He was insensitive at the best of times, it wouldn’t be wise to let him see them like this. But I couldn’t convince Peter to stay down stairs. We opened the door to his room, him getting there first. The sight before me was genuinely heartbreaking. This was one of the more intense panic attacks I’d ever witnessed in a patient.

I was the first to notice the blood. My nose more keen than that of the younger ones. Self injury wasn’t incredibly common during panic attacks, but it wasn’t unheard of. It was however more common in those who were neurodivergent, something I’d come to suspect of the teen. They didn’t respond normally to most things, it didn’t shock me that their parents never got them tested for anything. I was glad their father was gone, but their mother would have to pay next.

I couldn’t stop Peter before he ran to them, attempting to comfort his best friend. I could tell it hurt him when the flinched away, scurrying across the floor away from him. Morgan was watching intently. He wasn’t a man of much words, he preferred to observe things thoroughly. Newt cried out about being disgusting, and I suddenly understood what was happening to them.

They were finally processing years of torment. A post traumatic stress response. And a quite brutal one from the looks of it. The first one was always the worst. It caught the person off guard, and made them feel insane. PTSD is something that can get easier with help and understanding. But they were just a confused man’s hurt child right now, nothing more. Understanding wouldn’t come in this state.

“Uncle, perhaps we should sedate the girl?” Morgan said calmly.

I thought about it for a moment. It would be a wise decision, but this seemed to get a reaction out of Newt. They looked at us for the first time since we entered the room. Their eyes were red and bloodshot, but pleaded with me silently. They mumbled to Morgan about not being a girl. I don’t think he meant to misgender them, he just wasn’t thinking over the whole situation.

I took a step forward and they tried to press themself into the wall. As if it would somehow offer them shelter. Peter had began crying, it wasn’t entirely uncommon for the young boy. He was more sensitive than that rest of us. But it was never a fun sight. Not like when others cried and begged for their lives. Peter was family. It was different. I could sense he would slip into a panic attack soon as well if I didn’t deescalate the situation. Peter’s panic attacks left him quite destructive as well. It was more clear than ever that he cared deeply for this kid.

Things would be much easier if we could just kill them. Or perhaps give an impromptu lobotomy and lock them in the house. But it would be unfair of me to ask that from the boy. And besides, Newt had done nothing wrong. They’d already suffered quite enough for one person. More than anyone their age should be made to. I asked them to breath but it didn’t seem to work. Peter was my first priority, if I couldn’t calm them quickly, things would go bad quickly. I instructed Morgan to remove his cousin.

Peculiarly, they clung to each other. Previously they wouldn’t allow Peter’s touch, but now it seemed they were desperate not to let him go. It was obvious they cared as much for him, as he did for them. Which gave me hope that they could be reformed, shaped how we needed them. It might take a little effort, but in that moment, I understood they would do almost anything for Peter. I felt bad as Morgan dragged him out of the room, but he needed to calm himself, and Morgan was more than capable of controlling him. When I looked back at Newt, they were practically gone.

Their breaths were still jagged and shallow, but their eyes had rolled back. They were beginning to lose consciousness. Not totally uncommon for a PTSD related panic episode, but still not a good sign. I sighed, watching as their breath slowed slightly. Their body would go into autopilot soon, returning to a normal state. I put one hand under their knees, and the other around their shoulder, picking them up with ease. I passed Kevin on my way to my office.

“Geese, they look rough.” He laughed.

They’re was a thick layer of sweat covering their body. And their hair was a total mess, a few clumps missing from where they pulled them out. And their wrist were still red, but it seemed the bleeding had stopped on it’s own. Their nails hadn’t nicked anything important.

“The rooms ready.” He said simply.

“Thank you Kevin, but I don’t think we’ll be needing it quite yet.” I said.

I Saw the boy frown. He followed me into the office as a I set Newt down on the couch.

“You’re starting to care for that thing.” He said.

“They aren’t a thing, Kevin. Don’t be facetious.”

I knew it was reference to their odd choice in names. And the fact that Peter saw humans in a worse light than the rest of us. They were nothing more than play things to the boy. Much like his father, who found no need for friendships or meaningful relationships. The boys themselves hadn’t really been born out of love. At least not for their mothers. Hannibal simply wanted a family, the women were but a means to an end.

And Kevin took after his father in more ways that one. He was also more volatile than the others. Jumping to anger and violence without thought. Something Morgan and I tried to train him out of.

“Peter cares deeply for them. If I discover you tried to hurt them in any way; I will lock you in that room instead.”

I’d done it before. Not many other punishments worked for the young boy. He needed dramatic measures to be taken to understand when he’s wrong. Of course I loved him like my own, but children needed to be taught. He couldn’t just go around damaging innocent humans. It would get us caught. And his father and I have worked too Damn hard to keep this family safe.

“What’s so special about them anyways?” He asked.

I sighed.

“They’re the first person Peter cares for. And they’ll be easy to manipulate like William was. Except they’re younger and more naive. They could take the fall if any of you peek the interest of the authorities.” I stated simply.

Kevin seemed to understand my plan now. My motives were made abundantly clear.

“You did save the icepick, correct?”

“Yes, I used gloves when cleaning up the scene. And I put it in a bag. Is you plan to use that to frame them if something goes wrong?”

I nodded. He smiled contently. I watched as Kevin walked closer to the couch. I wasn’t quite sure what he planned to do. He sat down on the edge of the couch and looked down at Newt. Gentle moving some hair out of their face.

“I suppose they aren’t so bad.” He admitted. “I prefer them much more when they’re unconscious.”

He looked up at more for a reaction. I gave him none. I was used to his antics, I was going to reward him for his boyish behaviour.

“Did you sedate them?” He asked, curious.

“No, they passed out on their own accord. They should have woken by now, I’m the slightest bit concerned.” I stated.

“They’re weak.” He stated.

More as an observation than an insult.

“Then we make them stronger.”

His smile grew even wider. He hopped off the side of the couch and exited the office.

“Kevin if you’re going to go pick on Peter, I would suggest against it. Now is not the time to play games with him.”

“Don’t worry Uncle, I’ll be civilised.” He said, before disappearing into the hall.

I sighed once more, rubbing the bridge of my nose before sitting down at my desk. I began to work on paperwork, until I hear Newt stir. I watched as they slowly woke up. They rubbed their eyes and sat up slowly. Almost as if it hurt them. And looked around the room, before their eyes finally landed on me. I cleared my throat.

“How are you feeling?”

They scrunched their face.

“My head hurts.”

I nodded.

“I meant mentally, but that is good to know. I can get you some pain medication if you wish.”

They frowned.

“I’m fine, why?”

“Do you not remember what happened?” I rose my brow.

“Are you asking if I remembered that you kidnapped and tortured my father? Yes. Why am I in your office Hannibal?”

Interesting.

“You had an episode this morning, it was quite violent. You tried yourself out, so I brought you down here where you could rest, and I could keep an eye on you.”

“An episode?”

“You honestly have no memory of it? How are your wrists?”

“My wrists?”

They looked down to see the scratch marks on them.

“Oh.”

They seemed to be deep in thought. I didn’t want to interrupt.

“I was upset?” They asked.

“Very much so, yes. Do you get upset like that often?”

“I try not to, I don’t like the way it make mes feel. Hannibal-“

“Yes?” I asked.

“My head really hurts.”

I stood up from my desk and walked around it to the couch, crouching in front of them.

“Look at me.” I instructed.

The slowly lifted their head. They fidgeted heavily with their hands. Their pupils were blown. I moved their head from side to side, checking their reaction. I slowly stood up and turned off the light before digging through my desk for some Tylenol. I handed it to them, as well as grabbing a water from the fridge I kept in the corner.

“Here, take these”

They took it without question. Good to know they still trusted me.

“Your body still seems to be coursing with adrenaline. We’ll need to lower it if you’re going to start feeling better. It doesn’t look like you can think much in this state.” I said.

“How would I do that?”

“Could you calm yourself down?”

“I am calm”

“Consciously, maybe, if you’re panicking in your subconscious, that will be much harder to address. Would you allow me to try something?”

“Will you answer a question for me first?”

“Of course, whatever you wish?”

“Are you going to kill me?”

It sounded defeated, like they expected it as a fact already. I paused, trying to figure out the best way to answer. I knew they appreciated honesty.

“No. I do not plan on doing anything like that.”

“Then why did you do it?”

Tears stung at their eyes as their voice got weaker.

“Your father was a bad man, he deserved punishment.”

“Am- am I not bad as well? Neither of my parents loved me, that doesn’t exactly bode well on the goodness scale.”

“Of course not. You are a child, you’ve done nothing wrong. It was not your fault that your parents are incompetent. Their lack of love for you, is their own fault. I wish it was different, you dont deserve parents like that.”

“And my mother? What are you going to do with her?”

“She is a coward. We can send her away if you wish.”

They thought for a moment.

“You won’t kill her?”

“Her sins aren’t as heavy as that of your father.”

“I don’t wish to see her Hannibal.”

“As you wish. Now, was that all your questions?”

They nodded. I gave them a gentle smile.

“I’m going to hypnotise you.” I began.

I saw them tense.

“Don’t worry, there’s a fail safe, you can ask me to stop if you’re uncomfortable. But I believe it’s in your best interest. You’re blocking out massive amounts of trauma. You need to deal with them if you wish or feel better. Your mind is sick, and I want to help.”

“I’m sick?” The rubbed their arm. “But I try so hard to be well. I don’t give in to the negative emotions.” They said.

They were worse off than I thought. At first, I assumed their positive, bubbly attitude was just a show. But it seems they’ve convinced themselves that that’s how they really are.

“That isn’t healthy to do, negative emotions are a necessity. You have to allow yourself to feel everything, if you wish to have some sort of control. People who aren’t sick, can remember when they’re sad, or angry. But you build it up so long, that your brain cannot handle your outburst and it makes you forget.”

“Could I- could I hurt someone?” The asked sadly.

“Yes, that is possible. But I know you do not want to. Which is why I’m going to help you. Will you allow me to?”

They nodded.

“Very good. Please, lay down, get comfortable. I’ve cleared my schedule, so we have the entire day.”

I gave them a stress ball I kept on my desk for patients.

“If at any point you want to stop, just squeeze this really hard. I’ll be watching for it.”

“Ok.”

They laid on the couch, holding the ball in their left hand.

“Just take some deep breaths, alright?”

It took nearly half an hour of me instructing them, for their body to relax. I had expected it to take longer, but again, they surprised me with their amount of trust. I sat at the edge of my desk, reading their body language intently. A few more minutes and I’d have them in the suggestible phase. I could implant anything I needed.

“Newt?” I asked.

They hummed, lackadaisically. Their pupils were still quite large and their eyes were glazed over. They’re mind was far away, just were I needed it to be.

“You won’t leave Peter, will you?” I asked.

“Of course not.”

“And you’d do anything for him.”

“Yes, of course.”

“If the FBI come searching for your father, what will you tell them?” I asked.

“My parents left me, no note. I have no idea where they are, or what they’ve done. I’ve been with the Lecter the entire time.”

I smirked. This was much easier than I thought. A few more sessions and this will become a solid memory. I could get them into this state quicker with each passing test.

“Why don’t you rest now? You’re quite tired. When you wake, you won’t remember anything about this session, other than the fact that the hypnosis helped you feel better.”

“I am tired. Goodnight Doctor Lecter.”

The slowly closed their eyes, adjusting themselves on the couch. I grabbed a blanket from the trunk across the room and put it across them. Desperate people were easy to manipulate, and they were desperate for love. They wanted us to like them, because we’re important to Peter.

As if on que, there was a knock at my door. I opened it to see Peter standing there. I stepped aside to let him enter. His eyes instantly fell on their sleeping form. He didn’t turn to look at me.

“How are they?”

“Better. I believe my methods are helping.”

“Are you going to break them?”

“Not if I don’t have to. They seem perfectly capable on their own Peter. They just need a little persuasion. Which I’m sure you’ll help with. You do want them to stay, right?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then convince them. Morgan and I will take care of their Mother, no one will come looking for them. They gave me permission.”

“They did?”

“Yes. I don’t think they want to leave Peter. You picked a good one.”

He smiled down at them, stoking their hair.

“I did, didn’t I?”

“I’m sure Hannibal Sr would want to meet them eventually. He’d love to know about the newest member of our family. Once I take care of their mom, I’ll let will know they’ve been legally abandoned. As they are still a minor, they will need a gardian.”

“You’d be willing to do that?”

“They’ve been nothing but pleasant, I cannot blame them for their trauma Peter. They aren’t rude, and they make you happy. We’ll discuss it with them when they wake.”

“May I stay?”

“As long as you wish.”

I exited my office, leaving the two teens alone. I suppose this is one of the better outcomes. Morgan and Kevin would certainly not be excited, but they would get over it. Newt had no where to go, and they were too deep in now too be trusted on their own.

An: I love this chapter so much! Peter and Newt won’t be separated now! They’ll have their favorite person and be able to keep him safe! 🥰

#hannibal family #Hannibal lecter #Morgan lecter #Peter lecter #kevin #Kevin lecter #Hannibal Jr #newt

[jameslovin1]

Introduction: I used to do a thing back in LiveJournal days called "The Patti Report", about Ghost of the Robot shows and James Marsters appearances. I stopped because I started getting negative pushback that I was bragging (I wasn't, or at least, didnt mean to; I wrote them for people who weren't able to be there to get a taste; I even held back things so it wouldn't look that way. Ah jealousy!), and others were taking my words and twisting them out of context to read negatively and I was NOT having that. It became not worth it. I'm kinda reviving TPR for a friend who requested it, but about the show I saw last night. Here goes:

The Patti Report

Louis Tomlinson "Faith in the Future World Tour" at MGM Music Hall, Boston, MA

July 25, 2023

So, I went to see Louis Tomlinson, late of 1Direction, now solo-touring with his "Faith in the Future World Tour" show, promoting his solo album, delayed 2 years because of COVID19.

It started with me nearly not making it at all. I had flown across country for another show (added much later than my Louis tickets) the previous day with no issues and plenty of time. (I should be in an ad--or maybe a record book--flying across country and back to make 2 concerts in 2 days!😅) The return was tight, I knew, but had it been on time, would have left me just enough time to get to the venue, maybe even to my car to drop my bag and back (which thankfully the venue had a coatcheck! Thank you MGM Music Hall!) But, I was flying Spirit Airlines (note, for the frist, and hopefully, the last time! Spirit Airlines deserves every bit of the ragging they get!), so they were late leaving, and because of that, we got stuck on the tarmac on arrival for almost 45 minutes, complete with screaming baby the whole time. The cumulative effect was that the show had already started before I even got off the plane. I paid dearly for a cab and got there, thankfully, just as the opening act was finishing their set. Which I didn't know was happening, thank goodness for them, and sorry I missed them! I was massively stressed out and exhausted by the time I got there.

I admit up front that I was not a fan of Louis Tomlinson nor of 1D--not against them, just not interested in most current music, mainly because of bad tinnitus that makes music hard to listen to, and because of a lack of music I find palatable... I'm old, OK?!😅 and picky--last music genres I got into were Alt Rock and Grunge! So, that rather describes my most recent musical tastes, which is not Louis, LOL! I went for a friend who couldn't go herself. What I found there was a very pleasant surprise.

I hadn't listened to much of his music, see above for why. So, I was unfamiliar with any of it and him for the most part. I had gone to see Harry Styles' "Love on Tour" back in 2021, another ex-1D member I'd had no prior interest in until my friend introduced them to me. I was only barely a little more familiar with Harry's music, but as with Louis, I went for my friend to see him, too. I can't help but compare the two ex-bandmates from my limited experience of them, but I also want to get into how I experienced Louis individually. So, here are my observations:

First, Louis and Harry are *very* different! Different styles, energies, personas, all of it. Almost night and day different. I had expected a little more "Harry-ness" (as I think of it, the whole rock-star persona/performance) given their joint past of "teething" as a corporate-formed boy band from a TV show contest. But none appeared. Despite their time as part of the same band, they are very different as solo artists. Where Harry's is a very big, polished show, Louis's is intimate, raw and very 'present'.

I decided that Louis is a modern version of a classic "crooner". He sings heartfelt songs (not that Harry doesn't, just very differently, and less of them.) He sings them with little fanfare or theatrics, just a man and a mike which he sometimes removes fom the stand to walk across the stage. (Aside: He seemed to favor stage right over stage left, even beginning the encore on that side, which made me wonder if there was someone, or something special going on, over there.😆)

With Harry, you get a whole show--dancing, theatrics, showy outfits, and lots of Harry-the-rock-star persona. Not so with Louis. No dance moves or showy showmanship, no costumes, just singing. It's all about the music with Louis; not putting on a show, but just singing from the heart. Which isn't a bad thing, not at all, just a different thing.

Louis wore black. Black jeans, black sneakers without the usual ugly, gigantic soles of most running shoes (hallelujah!), and a very cool black t-shirt with a stylized face on it. Given some of his stagewear choices (extremely rumpled tan shorts,really?😆) I gave this choice a huge thumbs-up!

I have no idea of the names of the songs, so no setlist, sorry. Sadly, because I enjoyed a couple of them especially, and would like to hear them again when the crowd isn't drowning him out (the tinnitus. From being too close to stages in my youth, let me be a cautionary tale!). I'll have to do some digging, and hope I can find them. NOTE: Since writing this, I have discovered it's "Written All Over Your Face" and apparently I am far from alone in its affect!🤣

I'll admit I'm not into tenors, preferring baritone male voices like Harry's. Louis has a way more than passable voice, but maybe because it was a second night? he sounded a little strained, hit a few flats, and let the audience do a lot of the singing, which they were more than happy to do at ear-splitting volume, LOL! All that minor stuff aside, the show was really enjoyable, way more than I expected, going in (sort of) blind as I did. The upbeat songs were perky and made me want to move (I was too exhausted to actually get up and dance, though, LOL); the slower songs were sung with a ton of heart. I was thoroughly engaged and engrossed. (continues below photos)

I had known Louis likes going walkies, and that he has a stage set-up that allows him to step down into the crowd, which I was looking for, and which he did near the end of the show (maybe in case his clothes got ripped? It has happened!) The crowd was well-behaved, it appeared from my seat; didn't maul him or at least, didn't rip his cool shirt, just touched and adored, which Louis eats up, it was obvious! The other amusement (to me) was someone threw a kid's ball on stage, which the soccer-loving Louis couldn't stop kicking, LOL!

The backdrops were 5 drop-screens that alternately showed the band, Louis, and very cool, sometimes psychedelic graphics. Later those were exchanged for what appeared to be drapes with lighting embedded in them. The overall lighting scheme was either red or blue dominant about 75% of the show, depending on the song (faster vs slower, respectively, or maybe based on lyrical content.) Red steamers came down near the end of the show. There was a brief break--all annouced rather than pretending to wait for the audience to go hoarse screaming for an encore the artists will do anyway--before a 4-song encore. One small negative note: he never introduced his band individually, which every other solo artist I've ever seen does.

I was so into it, but also so tired from a long 2 days, that I didn't check to see how long it was, but I'd guess about 1.5 hours. And, because of the unknown and his being a tenor, I was just a little surprised that I enjoyed every note of it as much as I did. I highly recommend his show even if you don't know his songs, it's just that infectious! The earlier stresses just melted away in the joy of the music and shared experience, and I went home energized enough for that 2+ hour midnight drive despite my earlier exhaustion. Thanks, Louis and company, for a lovely evening after the nightmare of getting there!

Peace,

PattiB

#louistomlinson #faithinthefutureworldtour

#faith in the future #louis tomlinson

[icharchivist]

I knew Sakurai voices Cloud, which is never not funny to me, man is everywhere (rip though, his own actions have greatly tainted my enjoyment of his work), but I wasnt aware Suzuken was in FF as well! Amazing. According to Google he was Zack (your cruuuuush ha ha, I am bullying you <3), so again two characters voiced by these two men who have a weird thing going on. That is objectively hilarious

THE FACT YOU RECOGNIZE ZACK AS MY CRUSH. HELLO. HELP.

BUT YEAH. YEAH.

*grabs your shoulders gently* you have no idea. how much this fact is haunting me.

Like i started playing gbf because a picture of Percival got my attention, but, i cannot stress enough, those two were almost the reason i got into granblue because a friend got into my DMs like "holy shit Icha you're never going to believe it."

See, the ending of Crisis Core has been something that like. actively changed the direction of my life? like i'm not even kidding it's that drastic. A friend dared me to play the ending of Crisis Core and that, if i cried, i would have to play the whole game, and at the time, i was very much thinking video games were a waste of time and everything bc of my mom's teachings (i was like 12 okay), so i scoffed and thought yeah alright. And i was such a mess because of the ending of CC my life changed drastically after that. (and considering how ff7 in particular changed my life and helped me through horrible times, this is pretty telling.)

The reason i'm bringing it up is that the ending of CC is "Zack dies trying to protect Cloud, who at this point is in a coma, and Cloud manages to crawl to Zack's body to hear his last words, while still lethargic, and Zack just manages to tell Cloud by the end that Cloud has to keep living and be his living legacy (especially to counter the fact Cloud tends to have suicidal idealization esp in the result of his grief later on)". (all of that with the knowledge Cloud is going to forget all about it bc trauma).

And it ruined my life. it genuinely ruined my life. I ended up becoming obsessed with this concept of "becoming the legacy of the person you loved, who died to protect you". "living legacy" was part of my url in the way back.

And i mention it, but, i have a Zack/Cloud playlist and one of the song in it that kills me the most is called Saturn by Sleeping At Last. It's relevant.

AND SO.

MY FRIEND. MY BESTIE. SWEETHEART OF MY LIFE. (who also followed me because she loved the way i talked about Cloud at the time. despite the fact she didn't know anything about ff7 back then she just loved my enthusiasm. She's still my bestie to this day).

Just one day hit me up like "Icha..... do you know that in Granblue there's a ship that fits Saturn by Sleeping at Last too? Literally a Living Legacy ship???"

I legit had my friend SUMMARIZE ALL OF WMTSB TO ME. in early 2019 before i even considered getting into gbf (i made an account in August and started playing in November of that year.)

and a few weeks later suddenly she hits me with "WAIT I DIDNT TELL YOU THEY'RE VOICED BY SAKURAI AND SUZUKEN"

And i was there. my life ruined. never fucking recovering

For the record if you didn't check the link those are the lyrics of Saturn:

*grabs your shoulders still gently* do you realize. Do you realize the amount of psych dmg i have been taking ever since i got into granblue fantasy. The stuff that has been following me.

AND SO. "Character A is [indisposed] and Character B dies trying to protect them. When Character A wakes up they're not in the best shape, but they manage to crawl to Character B's dying corpse to hear their last words, in which they're told to keep on living and carry on the legacy of what they used to do before that". APPLIES TO BOTH THOSE DYNAMICS. DO YOU THINK I EVER RECOVERED FROM THIS.

So yeah this is like, actually a source of a whole lot of my pain reading wmtsb, and i can't bring it up all the time, but it literally follows me. I'm fucked.

Honestly very touched you managed to connect the dots on how haunting it is for me. My life is a joke.

#ichareply #ichafantalks gbf #ichafantalks ffvii #anonymous

[snowycorvid]

OH MY GOD???? BRO OK SO LIKE I JUST RECENTLY FOUND UR DAMN FIC AND LET ME TELL YOU I CAN'T BELIVE I DIDNT FIND IT SOONER??? LIKE??? ITS ABSOLUTELY STUNING AND I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH LOVE I NEED TO GIVE IT. I LITERALLY FOUND IT 2 DAYS AGO AND COULD NOT STOP MYSELF FROM READING THE ENTIRE THING. I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE NOW BUT HELLO?? YOU DESEVRE IT AFTER PUMPING THAT MASTERPICE OUT IN A SINGLE MONTH??? ok my bad let me reel it back a little but oh my god dude it's like I'm combusting into flames in a good way??? exploding should probably be the right wording actually Anyways!! I cannot express to you how grateful I am of how good this is?? the story plot is 10/10. (I would say something abt a particular character but yk spoilers and whatnot BUT NOTHING bad at all, it just was quite literally gut wrenching) The writing? we've already established this, it's actually so good I'm going to eat it like a four-course meal 10/10. the characterization and just the way you so nicely write everyone so clearly? BEAUTIFUL LIKE WHAT??? ACTUALLY BAFFLING HOW SATISFYLING GOOD IT IS??? 10000/10. AND NOT TO FORGET THE UNIQUENESS TO THE STORY IN THE FIRST PLACE?? never in my life have I read someone write this concept of y/n's identity. AND FOR IT TO BE Y/N IN THE FIRST PLACE?? like for being an input character to project onto ITS SO WELL WIRTTEN ITS LIKE HARD TO PUT INTO WORDS BUT ITS SO CREATIVE ON YOUR END. AND AGAIN, TO YOUR WRITING, IM SORRY BUT IT JUST FEELS SO??? ALIVE?? LIKE THE DESCRIPITIONS, THE INTERACTIONS, THE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS EVERYTHING IS EXPRESSED SO WELL. anyways!! this is a lot of words but you definitely deserve the love like 10,000% because my god. I just wanted to let you know that its amazing its so hard to even explain how good it is in words. I genuinely hope life is treating you well as of late and if its not I hope it gets better!!!!! -your favorite, 🍎 (Literally though thank you I cannot stress this enough, and if anything, you're MY favorite like oh my god)

Sobbing reading this thank you!!! I keep meaning to sit down and finish re-reading everything so I can try to pick writing back up + go through and fix the formatting/a few typos along the way, but life has been a little hectic and I've been super focused on some other personal projects, but 4x2 has not left my brain, lives there rent free. It's super weird to me to think that one of the last times I was working on it was last year....

One day. One day we will see Y/N and our silly backseat captain return for more chaos and shenanigans and blatant lack of self preservation but at least they know they have none. I projected too hard onto Y/N and apparently that's resonating with people, lmao!! <3 <3 Thank you again for the plethora of kind words, they will live rent free in my head with the bits and pieces of the plot I'm still juggling like our beloved bouncy ball.

[liloinkoink]

I wake up and realize belatedly that you asked for my list of trusted techno authors! Let’s go.

hoorayy (author of deviltown)— not a techno or emduo main, but consistently writes pitch-perfect techno in ensemble stuff.

third_crow: also writes ensemble stuff, did an excellent boreal-focused fantasy fic and is now writing a SBI foster au that’s actually nuanced and good? Who knew.

Odaigahara: I see you’ve already mentioned her. Everything she writes is so good. AHHHH.

EmJay_Panziku: the horror fic. The space fic. Somehow it’s not Tommy-centric for once. I am throwing my credit card at the screen. MORE PLZ.

AdrianaintheSnow: if you are okay with Tommy-centric SBI, this is actually good and fun character writing for everyone in that quartet, interesting worldbuilding, soft and cute moments.

Scrolling through my bookmarks like Odaigahara, Odaigahara, Odaigahara again…

Beans_McGee: I think they’ve gone over to hermitcraft now, but they have an unfinished series named Angel teeth that is just some of the best actually funny techno writing around.

Spice_ghouls: haven’t updated in a while so I don’t know if they left the fandom, but some very good emduo.

Inallthingsgoodorbad: okay so yes their most recent work is superhero AU, but it’s a really GOOD one, actually.

Dreamdx (thereisdefinitelyawordforthat): everything they write I must put immediately into my eyeballs. I am throwing my credit card at the screen again.

Fensandmarshes: !!!!! He is so good at every character but his technoooooooo (okay yes I am an awkward autistic but beyond that). Worldbuilding! Voice! Autistic characters!

H_mellohi: they’re more focused on angelduo, but when they write techno or emduo I just relax knowing they are in safe hands.

So for this one the author is anon, but if you search up I Asked For A Monster And You Gave Me A Fairytale, the author has two fics, (both Tommy centric but y’know, you gotta muscle past that I guess in this fandom), one where Tommy goes into the woods to die and gets adopted by a house of monsters, one where Tommy’s a vegan neceomancer used by a cult to bring The Blood God back. They are both very stressed.

Sigh so much of this fandom is Tommy-centric I’m still scrolling—

Okay we all know about findingkairos BUT ALSO FINDINGKAIROS.

OHHH THANK YOU.... i guess i should go grab links for these authors for myself and others hold on lemme--

i dont know hoorayy bc i havent read devil town or anything else by them, but ive heard good things about the fic!

third_crow.. OH TRUST ME. THE BOREAL TRIO FIC, YOU MEAN VISAGE? I KNOW ABOUT VISAGE. ITS MY ALL TIME FAVE DSMP FIC. IM OBSESSED W IT. CANNOT RECOMMEND VISAGE ENOUGH. PLEASE READ VISAGE

i didnt realize how much odaigahara i read until i made that list for that last ask but i really will have to read thru their works purposefully now that its come to my attention. good stuff, quality author

EmJay_Panziku i have read just the space fic (which i absolutely adore) but now that i have their account open i see they have another fic noted, in the tags, as being similar to Sweet Home.. I fucking LOVED that comic!! i followed it for years!! i will be back for this fic For Certain. (i assume this is "the horror fic" you mentuoned)

AdrianaintheSnow ill be honest i just. dont read tommy centric sbi i cant. not my thing. i get bored if techno isnt there and that happens much faster if its tommy instead. HOWEVER if youre ranking this author as being as good as all the other ones that i know in this list then i am sure theyre very good and to my followers who might find this of interest? heres a person to look at. esp if you said their worldbuilding is good, i love fun worldbuilding

Beans_McGee i have read these fics actually theyre fun. i def recommend ppl give the angel teeth series a shot, tho its been a while since i read them so i cant remember specifics anymore

Spice_ghouls ive seen these fics but i havent read them, ill have to check them out!!

Inallthingsgoodorbad i have NOT seen these fics but scrollling thru they look really interesting! i like superhero aus well enough so thats no deterrent, and the snippets of writing used in the summaries on here sound very neat indeed

Dreamdx OH YES. I KNOW THEM. LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR... SO SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN... SO MANY GOOD FICS IN HERE. really nice writing style and really honest and compassionate look at a lot of characters, esp the latter fic's handling of The Fireworks Duo Issues And Problems. its rlly interesting and thoughtful

Fensandmarshes this dude has 400 works. thats insane?? kudos to this author jesus. i dont know if i knew any of their work bc thats So Much to look thru but ill def check this dude out

H_mellohi i trust h with my life. h if you see this i trust you with my life. i love love Love red eggs and ham but i also have read and liked more of their fics but i really need to go back and check out Even More i think

findingkairos. findingkairos

heres a link to that anonymously published fic you mentioned. honestly seems incredibly entertaining as a premise. i dunno i'd personally want to read it but it sounds like an objectively good read

also i want to add to your list, if you dont mind... acuteroses, who ive liked quite a few fics from!

thank you so much or this list!! of the authors of yours i have read, you have fantastic taste

#oink asks #anonymous #lew library

[sadieanimalcrossing]

i feel like its finally time to do this.

after she denied my venmo request today, i am finally ready to discuss what happened between me and gemma. i will include proof to the extent that i am able and will update frequently when i can find a way to get photos of my weirdly hacked (seriously) island.

gemma and i were really close, which is probably why this has ended in so much chaos. we met irl a few times during meetups for witches. despite not seeing each other in person frequently, we were constantly meeting up in our new horizons islands. this is where we formed most of our friendships

the point is, since we are both witches, it gets crazier from here.

tldr: my close friend turned on me and took revenge in a really weird way and i have been begging for compensation, which has not come.

so our friendship started in 2021, last year, in the summer time probably in june. we were both interested in witchcraft and would frequently discuss spells we've worked and actually working on some together for a while. like i said we got close.

for reasons i don't feel need to be disclosed we started having a usual friendship falling out starting at the beginning of october. i noticed some weird vibes coming off of her the more we chatted and the last time we met up in person was when things got extremely dicey. we had an argument about stupid stuff and i left way later than planned, which also upset me. i accidentally left my switch in her apartment and had to literally exit my bus and go back to get it. her text gave me weird vibes but i figured i was just being weird.

everything was fine until i got home. when i turned on my switch to do my animal crossing dailies, things had changed. for starters, it was raining red drops in my town and the rain was causing my villagers pain. like they had no umbrellas, and the rain was making them do the little stressed out blue wiggle reaction. i was a little off-put by this because of course who would expect that, but i persisted.

my town was renamed to DIE SADIE, which isabelle saying so happily was ALSO off-putting. i had mail. it was from "your enemy", which was definitely a letter from gemma, which i managed to take a pic of (my left joycon is badly broken, its a struggle to take pics fast enough):

when i began to walk around, there were graveyard decors everywhere. all of my villagers houses were back to being tents (yes she EVICTED them) and when i talked to them they would just tell me to go away and that they didnt like me anymore. i went to see sheldon because he still had his house intact and this is what he said to me:

i turned it off because i realized where it was gonna go. i have tried to reboot it again it turns itself off. should i try and get a video of it? i havent tried again for fear of actually damaging my switch, so i'm just trying to get a new cartridge, which i venmoed her the funds for and she denied. i have actually felt so spiritually drained from this entire thing and i think its because i told her that it was like my favorite game that she targeted my island.

shes definitely never going to give a shit. but i cant stop giving a shit.

i literally JUST want people to know what she did to show that it was wrong. like she just doesn't give a shit and i really cared about it, so what if it was just a village to me it was my cyberspace. please care GEMMA. it was my only joy. i am scorned but i wont curse you, i liked you too much. thank you for reading if you got this far.

#animal crossing #nwhrzns #sadieanimalcrossing #keeping me awake. sorry to post all my drama but listen im depressed and im on edge and that was my stable source of peace #so forgive me. ive been trying to make a new one and i psych myself up and then i get scared. so stupid

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Thank you for replying to my ask and having this blog! I didn't want to tell any detail about my ed I thought that would be very triggering for some people cause it's about losing and gaining weight and dieting so trigger warning!!

But I guess I have always had since high school disturbed body image because diet culture starts affecting you very early on.

In college when I have had depressive episodes one way to cope was restricting my eating and then when I lost the weight I gained when depressed I started to feel better and it was like this yo-yo ish many years.

But oh god last year I had so many things that caused me stress I was living in a survival mode the whole 2021 and maybe still am, and idk why I gained weight guickly maybe it was many things combined. Then when things were bad my bf left me and my friends didn't help me and I was left kinda alone and the only way to cope again was thinking of losing weight. So this is such a classic but my ed was the symptom of my hard life situation and way to cope with the anxiety and stress.

But restricting my eating didnt 'work 'like it used to in the past, I havent been able to lose the gained weight and so my energy and time is still focused on losing that weight even now when im my life situation has improved a bit.

I have talk about my issues with doctors and I feel they haven't been taking my symptoms seriously or have focused just on my depression and anxiety (which are caused by ed so this is a fun cycle). Yesterday I talked to a nutritionist for the first time since applying help and she just said what I already know that even tho ed is a mental health problem the only way to cure is by eating. And that I should stop thinking about losing weight cause that only worsens everything (yeah no shit). And that she can't help me cope with the anxiety it's the other healthcare system that should (have) do(ne) that.

The thing is I have triedddd so much this whole time to take care of my eating but if I had succeeded I wouldn't be having any problems with it still u know?

It's kinda ironic how much I know about ed without being able to do anything. First I need to fix my nutritional status I think that's where everyone starts. And after that maybe intuition eating. I need to learn dbt skill to cope with anxiety and depression. And stop stressing about everything everywhere qll the time. Buying new clothes that fit so looking at my too small clothes wouldn't be so triggering. I need to learn self compassion and find a therapist but they are in high demand so that's really hard. I need to find things that I like about myself and repeat those. But everytime when I fail at trying to fix my daily routine and fix my eating routine I think of it as a setback and its a cycle very hard to get off (I need to wake up early to eat breakfast and lunch early so I wouldn't be so hungry at evening and night cause then I can't sleep properly and then I sleep in and then I eat late and then im hungry at evening and night cause I don't wanna eat too much in the evening and then I sleep in cause my blood sugar is so low from not eating enough in the evening does this make any sense at all) and I think I have ibs from so much stress and I think that's actually the reason I have gained weight like I'm bloated all the time. And i dont have any support cause my depression/ ed made me also isolate from my friends and/or they kinda left me also so yeah. Ummmmm this became a lot longer than i thought. if you read this all thank you and also sorry for dumping all my problems here

Sorry that it took me so long to respond to this - my own life situation is kind of taking a toll on me rn, and I've been slow to respond to people. That will continue to be the case, most likely.

But I'm sorry you've found the system so unhelpful! I really think a competent nutritionist should at least be a little understanding of mental health problems, especially when a lot of people coming to them with additional health needs will probably be coping with a lot and might need a little empathy. I mean, yeah, that's not her main job, but healthcare requires a multipronged approach, especially since her "just eat" directive won't be helpful without someone assisting with the mental health aspect simultaneously. I mean, if she frequently works with ED clients she should know that - "just eat" is such an ineffective directive. I hope you find a therapist or a team of therapists that are capable of helping you.

My advice, though? Break it down for yourself. All of these things are a cycle that feed into one another, so making progress in ANY of these areas you struggle in is still progress. And if you let yourself focus on one thing at once, it might not seem so overwhelming. Also remember that everyone struggles with hard days/moments, so if you slip, it doesn't mean you've lost all your progress. It seems an all-or-nothing approach can be really self-defeating. I get it, though - that's definitely something I still find myself struggling with!

I really hope you find more social support! I don't know if you have any online support groups. I also hope it's okay that I published this ask - I tend to do it unless otherwise specified so that people on here don't feel alone in their struggles. I bet there have been lots of ED sufferers who struggled during the pandemic, who have been feeling a lot of overwhelm and who struggle with finding adequate support and on trying to accept their bodies as-is and who are triggered by things like buying new clothes. I'm wondering if anyone else would like to share their experiences.

#weight mention #restriction cw #ask vent