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raisevoice · 1 year

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Website: https://www.raiseyourvoice.net.au/

Address: Peakhurst, NSW, Australia

Raise Your Voice by Lea Baker offers expert vocal coaching, helping students discover their free, authentic, well produced voice.

- What I Do:

I help people find their freely produced, efficient and authentic voice. I love to teach and empower students. Each singer is different, there is no 'one size fits all'. My sessions involve lots of physical and vocal explorations, positive reinforcement and lots of encouragement.

Using actors' voice training techniques, I help singers find freedom through embodying their voice and releasing unhelpful tension.

I believe ‘trying harder’ nearly always leads to vocal difficulties. When vocalists discover the power and range of natural, organic and instinctive sounds, they grow in confidence and ease - often discovering the voice they didn’t know they had!

I help those who rely on their speaking voice for their profession, such as teachers, public speakers and call centre workers (to name a few!), avoid vocal fatigue, become more engaging to their listeners and maintain a healthy voice.

- What I Offer:

Success in learning depends on finding the right Instructor; someone who knows the subject well and understands how you learn. My teaching style is practical, holistic, non-gimmicky, and based on science. Students learn how to sing or speak optimally. Clear specific language and examples are used, leading students on a self-discovery journey. Everyone has a voice. My job is to help you release its full potential.

Here are the four philosophies I follow:

* Trying harder will almost always lead to a deterioration in vocal improvement. It’s finding the ease in vocal use that is the key. Less is often more.

* The most freely produced and authentic singing or speaking comes from your natural, organic and instinctive voice. Often it's noticing and releasing unhelpful vocal habits & muscle tension to find that voice.

* I believe learning is about self-exploration and discovery, with guidance from your voice coach. Doing what the teacher asks to gain their approval isn’t learning.

* Training at NIDA opened up a whole new world. Using acting voice training helps singers to feel and sense their voice, rather than just hear it.

Why choose me?

* I help the student discover for themselves with guidance and targeted techniques.

* I take the time to understand the mindset of the student towards their voice and address this in my coaching.

* I teach holistically – I teach the whole person, not just their voice.

* Students get clear explanations of the ‘why’ when to comes to voice usage.

* My Teaching is underpinned by a good understanding of the science and physiology of the voice.

* Finding the unhelpful habits or traits of the student and helping them rewire these.

* Experiential learning is key, helping students to discover for themselves, no “pleasing the teacher”.

* Learning is layered. What each particular student needs at this particular time. I don’t clutter them up with lots of ‘nice to know’ stuff - it's not about how much I know, it's about what the student needs to be a better singer, speaker or performer.

* Voice lessons are either online or in person (Covid safe).

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/raisevoice/

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doepaoros · 20 days

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Master Your Singing with Doe Paoro's Voice Training Course

Doe Paoro's Online Voice Coaching is your pathway to achieving vocal mastery. Our Vocal Online Course provides structured and effective Voice Training Courses that cater to your unique vocal needs. Learn to sing with confidence and precision under the expert guidance of Doe Paoro. Our comprehensive program is designed to enhance your vocal skills, making you a more versatile and confident singer. Enroll now and take the first step towards transforming your voice with Doe Paoro.

#Voice Coaching Online #Vocal Online Course #Voice Training Course

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wellesleyschoolofmusic · 5 months

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Wellesley School of Music

Website: https://www.wellesleyschoolofmusic.com

Address: 51 Grove St, Wellesley, Massachusetts 02482, United States

Wellesley School of Music offers a unique blend of music education and healing arts. Specializing in violin, piano, and voice lessons for ages 6-12, the school provides both in-person and online classes. Additionally, it offers eclectic services like ecstatic dance events, crystal reiki sound baths, and music composition guidance. The school's approach combines professional music training with creative expression and wellness, catering to a diverse community in Wellesley and beyond.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wellesleyschoolofmusic/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@wellesleyschoolofmusic/

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supertrainstationh · 2 months

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CHARITY CASE CHAMPION

by A. Griffin / Super Train Station H ---------------------------------

I round up with pride at the checkout for Autism Speaks, but insult adults who like "Thomas the Tank Engine", and call them freaks.

I want to help the disabled, my bumper sticker proves it, truly, but when they get older, they better not enjoy "Bluey".

I support the autistic, and buy charity merch gladly, but I harass them online over things that make them happy.

There's no way those people could be autistic in any case, because I'm normal, so how could them, and me, be in a common space?

Leading brand charities told me what to look for: kids, often pitiable, easy to be adored, typically male - if they don't look like that, they're surely faking it, without fail!

I trust groups claiming to speak for disabled folks, without a doubt, but when they speak for themselves, it proves they're acting for web clout.

I "light it up blue," so those with hardships won't be silenced, but if I meet them online, I pelt them with written violence.

If they were really autistic they wouldn't and shouldn't have mentioned it! Speaking to me is for equals, I know I'm better than them!

How dare adults speak of benefiting from therapy courses? They should feel terrible for stealing disabled children's resources!

My heart goes out for those with sensory issues, in their younger days, but when they grow up, seeing them happy makes me outraged.

God forbid an adult enjoy things rated for all ages, or draw themselves as creatures from the comic strip pages.

I sympathize with web videos of disabled kid's meltdowns, but I see an adult happily flapping online, I'll run them out of town!

Why should it be on me to stow my righteous hostility?

Those phonies are mocking the plight of children with special needs!

"Autistic adult" is clearly an oxymoron. I browsed a charity website, so I know what's really going on!

Autistic people aren't legit unless they're kids that don't talk, that means adults that use vocal speech are committing fraud.

And as for those with different brains who happen to be silent, why consider their feelings, when they belong in asylum?

Stories put forth by autistic adults, are clearly embellishments, since for disabled people, they sure seem oddly intelligent.

I'm a well-balanced person, doing what little good I can manage, so I lurk online seeking targets to hate and disparage.

Exposing the lies of those that falsely claim to be special, makes me such a good person, that I deserve a gold medal!

So pitch in this April, every penny will be spent well - the cute kids on the posters, need every bit of help.

Their lives have been stolen, only your cash can restore their dreams!

But know, they shouldn't be cared about, after they hit eighteen!

---------------------------------

[Twitch] [VOD Channel] [Writing FA] [Ko-fi]

#a.griffin writes #poetry #autism #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #autistic #poem #writing

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cherrybombfangirl · 2 months

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I see Autistic/ADHD Lloyd headcanons all the time, but none for his parents which is weird because both ADHD and Autism are genetic. So lets fix that, and during Autism Awareness month no less, yay, #RedInstead bitches!

Autistic Garmadon and ADHD Misako Headcanons (for Autism Month!)

Misako hate is not welcome, we don't do that here, you will be blocked. Autistic Misako headcanons are welcome, I love you if you have that headcanon :). I'm autistic and adhd, so a lot of these will be based on my experience, and I'll try to keep it mostly fluff headcanons, featuring a little bit of Lloyd's autism and adhd <3

Autistic Garmadon

He and Lloyd share a lot of the same autistic traits

Like how if you distrupt the routine or there's a change in established plans both of them will start getting anxious and irritated

You don't distrupt the routine! Stick to the schedule damn it-

Or how both of them CANNOT stand bright lights, never turn on the overhead light, lamps and low lights only. and only predictable/controlled loud noises like music is ok, other loud noises bad

Also they both auditory stim ALL the time. Same song on repeat for days until the new favorite comes along, and they have the same taste in music (rock and punk), so while working on stuff or training one on one they'll blast the same song on repeat

Also both of them are hyperempathetic and get emotional very easily. Hence why they're a lot more emotional and open around each other

Also the Pathological Demand Avoidance is VERY STRONG with both of them. tell them to do something and they'll immediately dread and despite that thing and that thing is the last thing they want to do. (i.e. *is about to go do the dishes* "Hey can you do the dishes?" ... "I was about to. Even wanted to. Now I hate them and that's the last thing I want to do. Thanks for that. Fuck you.")

Both of them also have a very hard time unmasking (for different but similar reasons of how their childhood was), and get exhausted and burnt out fast. Luckily being around each other helps them unmask a bit easier

Garmadon loves Mac-n-Cheese, he'd eat just that for the rest of his life if he could. But only Misako's recipe, all other Mac-n-Cheese tastes WRONG (Lloyd also loves Mac-n-Cheese, but only his mom's recipe)

Sometimes he straight up forgets to talk. Like, he doesn't need to, he doesn't like talking to people, and he just... forgets that he has the ability to talk. So sometimes he might go a while without talking, thinking nothing of it. Then he'll vocal stim or use his voice and shock himself a little because oh shit i forgot i have a voice-

He hid it for a while because he thought it was embarrassing, but he has a huge special interest in sharks, and he is the number one shark defender, he could talk about them for hours (his favorite species is the Lemon Shark and Cookiecutter Shark <3).

^After he starts unmasking a bit he starting being a bit more open about it as well, and that year for his birthday Misako gets him a shark onsie. He just about melts, immediately puts it on, and wears it almost every night. (She thinks its adorable)

For a really long time, he thought the things he was experiencing were a side effect of being part dragon/oni, but then Wu told him "I don't experience any of that, sorry." and then he thought it was a side effect of the venom, but then after the Final Battle it was gone AND HE WAS STILL EXPERIENCING ALL THESE TRAITS, so he couldn't figure out wtf was wrong with him

^Misako was like "Idk sounds normal to me *shrug*" (She has ADHD, of course it sounds normal to her XD)

Lloyd knew he was autistic and adhd for a while because of the other ninja, who were also varying neurodivergencies. When he told his parents about it, they both didn't think anything of it because they didn't know it was genetic yet.

Then Garmadon found out it was genetic and was like "No... me? No way... I'm just an anxious introvert, there's no way."

Then he takes like ten different online assessment tests, and is like "Yeah, i knew it, i knew i wasn't autistic, those questions were worded dumb anyway. No I don't have a problem with socks, you see I have a system-"

And then Lloyd (who connected the dots once he found out autism was genetic) was like, "Dad... Dad... that- that is autistic... having a system for socks to avoid having problems with socks, avoiding places with loud noises and bright lights, and prefering to be by yourself or in silence is very autistic..."

Garmadon: "WHAT"

They figured out how to unmask and fuction as their authentic selves together and it's awesome

ADHD Misako

Similarly, she and Lloyd share a lot of ADHD traits

Like fidgeting, A LOT, always needing extra stimulation and needing to fidget. Usually with nail biting or lip chewing, until they learn less self destructive stims

They also hyperfixate in the same way. Both of them will get lost in the hyperfixation for hours, forgetting to eat, drink or sleep. until they try to stand up or someone reminds them. (Lloyd hyperfixates on comics the same way she hyperfixates on archeology)

Both of them have the worst sense of time and object perception. ("Oh yeah that project will only take fifteen minutes" *takes four hours*) (*losing track of important items and forgetting to eat ro drink water all the time*)

Rejection sensitive dysphoria is very strong for both of them, constantly worrying about annoying other people and being a burden, so they're people pleasers a lot and the slightest whiff of rejection sends them into a self hate spiral that can last for days or weeks (It took a very long time for her to get out of the self hate spiral after her and Lloyd meeting for the first time and him blowing up at her, which she thought she deserved for her huge mistake that she deeply regretted. Eventually they talked and Lloyd came to her and said she shouldn't hate herself forever, he wanted her to be his mom, and she could make up for it now. She still gets into that spiral sometimes.)

Also both of them zone out a lot. Sometimes many thoughts. Sometimes zero thoughts. Staring into space (they love car rides for this reason)

Both of them can be very all or nothing in a lot of things. No social interaction or all the social interaction. Doesn't talk at all or can't shut up. Constantly overshooting it.

Also due to the lack of object perception, both of them are kind of terrible at driving. They can't tell how far away the signs are until they're right in front of it, and are always taking turns that are way too big. Over or underestimating distance a lot. (Garmadon is a pretty terrible driver too, he gets overwhelmed easily). (Also Kai and Nya can confirm that teaching Lloyd to drive was a nightmare, Zane had to do it)

Always hyperfixating on something archeology/history related, she's a huge nerd and cycles through ten different topics (she was a weird kid that liked the morbid stuff in history). Usually dinosaurs, she's secretly obsessed with dinosaurs and hyperfixates on them all over again every other week. A lot of the time Garmadon has to remind her to eat or sleep because she'll be lost in hyperfixation for several hours.

Also has a lot of anxiety and has a hard time sitting still, always has to be moving or fidgeting with something in her hands

Similar to Garmadon, she didn't think anything of it when Lloyd told her he had ADHD, and when she found out it was genetic she thought, "No, it couldn't be me, I just have anxiety..."

She was in denial about it for a while, until Lloyd talked to her with Kai and Jay (Also ADHDers).

Kai asked, "Your teachers sent a lot of notes home about you being 'a pleasure to have in class' weren't you?"

Misako: "How the fuck did you know?"

Kai: "That was me before I had to drop out. I was the perfect little teacher's pet. So was Nya."

Misako sat there for a minute having a crisis because everything made sense now but also like no way, really?

She and Garmadon love talking about prehistoric sharks like the Megladon because that's where their interests intersect

^he also gets her dinosaur encyclopedias every year for her birthday and she loves it (they have diagrams of skeletons and fossils and stuff)

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piratefishmama · 1 year

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Crossing the Line | Part 2

For Eddie Munson, it started with a tweet. A random little tweet in his mentions that ignited his incredibly hard to control impulsive curiosity. One of his long-time followers and his best friends little brother, a boy with a love of DnD who only begrudgingly followed him after he recorded one of his campaign sessions and posted it to YouTube, pinged him a mention with a single link in it to Instagram captioned “roast him he’s ruined Crazy Train!”

Michael Wheeler you little shit. He’d get Nancy on that one, Mike’s obsession with roasting people was getting mildly out of hand.

But Eddie was a curious soul and someone had apparently ruined an Ozzy masterpiece, so of course he followed that link, he didn’t even hesitate, even let out a cute little “boop” out loud as he clicked it.

Now. Eddie Munson, could have probably been classed as a bit of a music snob. He wouldn’t go too far with his snobbery, but for some people... it was just an unwritten rule that some people deserved the snobbery to the max. They deserved the shit storm that came with Eddie’s brutal honesty and lack of verbal filter.

And Nepo-babies with nothing better to do than *fix* legendary metal tracks with their top 10 bubblegum bitch bullshittery were 100% deserving of the roasting his bitchiest of little sheep had called for.

Did he go a little overboard over the following week while bored shitless in between customers at his shitty non-chain coffee shop gig? Absolutely. Did he feel bad? Absolutely not. It’d taken him all of five minutes to decide Steve Harrington was the worst.

Even if the nepo baby thing wasn’t enough, he was spotted with a different piece of arm candy every month, he had girls and guys falling all over themselves to get a glimpse from him in their general direction, like, there were articles about fights breaking out in the audience of his shows because fans couldn’t decide which one of them he looked at. He lived in some fancy ass house if his insta photos were anything to go by which no doubt his parents bought for him, he did way too many PR stunts to make it seem like he was a good guy, and while his voice was… okay, it wasn’t bad… passable, it was passable…

It sure as fuck needed to stay in its own goddamn lane.

So, the boredom in between the rare rush thanks to the Starbucks down the street was filled with what could only be described as obsessive online bullying, his ADHD hyper fixated so hard, but no way was he even going to notice it, so Eddie didn’t even feel bad about it. The guy had so many people falling all over themselves in hopes he’d notice them that his measly little insults would probably wind up just buried in the sea of hormones and the occasional desperate “COME TO BRAZIL” hashtag Brazilian flag and several thousand heart emojis.

And just as a fun little topper on the ice cream sundae that was his weeklong bitchfit into the void, a lovely little cherry on top, he covered Crazy Train on his channel. Not just the guitar bits, but he made chords and tabs for the lyrics too, letting his sweetheart sing for him, he never sang on his channel, vocals were just for the band gigs, his channel was primarily game music covers but this one, this one he declared “This is what it’s supposed to sound like” in the intro then rocked it.

Eddie was all about freedom of musical expression, but Steve Harrington could go suck a fat one if he thought he was getting away with ruining a masterpiece with his croony bullshit.

“So” The week after he’d finally put his one sided feud to rest, found one Nancy Wheeler, the instigators older sister sidling up to the counter mid-way through the most boring Sunday shift Eddie had ever worked in his life.

“Wheeleeerr, my sister from the most boring of misters, what can I get you babydoll?” He didn’t even need to ask, and she didn’t actually need to say it, he was already halfway through making her fancy little favourite, a cinnamon hazelnut latte with soy milk knowing she probably only had five minutes before she’d have to bolt again.

“Eddie… why have you spent the better part of a week harassing a celebrity on Instagram?”

“I think you mean an entire week, your little brother released the dogs of war. Aaaand the ADHD told me to do it.” He grabbed one of the little honey buns from the treats display and popped it onto a plate for her “forgive me honey bun?” A pet name AND a treat combined. She rolled her eyes fondly before accepting the free treat. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” There was absolutely a reason, but… honestly he brought whatever was coming to him upon himself. Sort of. She'd stand in his corner if shit got real. “I’ll handle Mike, don’t harass celebrities until you’re actually a celebrity, and even then, don’t harass celebrities.”

“It’s not like he’d notice, let’s be honest he has more fans than there are stars in the sky, all of them, and I do mean all of them, fully up for bearing his children.” Seahorse dads in the house! But also, mpreg too, ass babies unite. “It’s not like some rando having a questionably obsessive and lowkey aggressive meltdown over his ‘I’m bored as shit’ experiment would ever grace his radar.”

“I’m just saying Eddie, you never know who you’re going to reach with your online nonsense, if you ever want to get out of this place, you’re going to have to play nice with people from all walks of life, including nepotism babies.” The bark of laughter that erupted from Eddie Munson would have probably insulted most people, but Nancy had known him for years. He was listening, he was, there were just layers upon layers of automatic reactions to get through before he’d visibly take in what you were saying. “He could be nice, you never know.”

“Oh yeah, his royal highness seems lovely. Did you know people used to call him King Steve?” Seemed like the worst person on the planet masquerading as a semi-decent guy. Eddie wasn’t fooled in the slightest. “Your drink, mademoiselle!” He presented her with a large to-go cup filled with her favourite beverage.

“Don’t you have some odd little moniker on your youtube channel?” She asked behind the lip of her cup, before taking a sip and humming in appreciation. Even if he was a little shit, Eddie could make a mean latte.

“That’s a persona, it’s an online personality! People calling me Kas is different, people just called him that cause of how much ass he got. It’s weird, I bet he started it himself and paid his cronies to use it until it caught on.” That was good, maybe he’d pick his feud back up just to lay that one on him. “Seems very nepo baby of him, y’know? Can’t get a good nickname circling so he’s gotta buy one.”

“Wouldn’t his parents have bought it for him?”

“Ohhhh Wheeler good one! Nice nickname, did your daddy buy it for you? Babe, sugar plum, I love you. Imma write that one down for later.”

“Please don’t.” He was already off, and she caught sight of her smartwatch beeping about some meeting she was close to being late for. “Shoot! Gotta run, no more harassing celebrities!”

“I promise nothing!” Ah well, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal that Steve Harrington’s best friend had DM’d her, probably not a big deal at all, probably meant nothing... probably.

Part 4

#PirateWrites #Ficlet #Steddie #Crossing the Line #Stranger Things AU #WE HAVE A TITLE NOW #best friends Eddie and Nancy whee #i tried doing a tag list it didn't work sorry :(#hope it reaches you those who wanted to be tagged!!

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levyfiles · 1 year

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Since it happens a lot less frequently now, I have less cause to say it but one train of thought hits me every time an anti decides to start a misguided crusade all "hurricane in a box" style. The train of thought follows the memory of all the fans in the past who made it their most important mission to shame, bully and harass anyone who participated in fan spaces for themselves; not the creator. Who didn't follow a subset of rules they just made up.

What I think about is how content must have seemed to them, the deeper they got into it. Every time Ryan or Shane would do something particularly fond for each other, I'd see at least twenty comments spread out on the video, in the tag, or even in the Twitter mentions going "Ahh, the shippers are going to be SO ANNOYING about this".

And were we? I mean if I were an anti, and I was thinking that and my first thought is to hate-scroll through my blog. I remember posting on my own blog, reblogging from the shyan tag, posting in the shyan tag, cackling in group chats. There was a while there when some antis liked to screenshot things we said on our blogs or on servers (some who were lurking in group chats) declaiming how annoying and twisted and creepy we were. It didn't really get anything done. It annoyed a few people but we moved on because the content continued to be fun; the guys kept doing their thing and having fun doing it.

My point is that every time one of these righteous crusades bombs, I catch myself thinking about what it must be like for that anti. To watch something and to be thinking about how someone else is receiving it, how that someone else is someone I have an irascible hatred for is probably somehow going to have more fun with it than I ever could. Because I'm so busy receiving each moment, teeth clenched that it might vindicate someone having fun in their own spaces when I've explicitly said It's Wrong.

And it's like? Yeah, of course, I'm not having fun. Every time Ryan or Shane makes some dumb joke about how close they are or their body language shows fans just why these two started a company together, that would be intolerable to me because I'd be thinking so hard about how much a stranger online probably liked that more than they're "supposed to". Work husbands??? Why did they say that? Now the shippers are definitely enjoying the content and I'm uncomfortable because I gotta think about the implications of the phrase "Work husband" and between my irl responsibilities, have to craft some reasoning as to why homosocial male friendships are a bitter victim to the love spectrum.

I'd get so bored; the content wouldn't bring me any joy. So imagine how that person who decided to make a second blog to craft a 2017-era "breaking my silence" call-out post about Simone is going to experience content now. They won't be able to so much as make it through five minutes of a video without thinking of every single damn fan who told them their post was dumb and how much more fun y'all are going to have as the social media posts get all the more funnier; how Simone's fandom origins give her a good and easy insight into why we enjoy Watcher. Every time there's a promo and it becomes obvious that thanks to Simone's hard work editing clips she knows we'd like, the bloopers are a fans smorgasbord lol.

In the end, is it ever really a surprise why vocal antis leave fanspaces? They dive bomb into spaces to start a fight instead of making friends and end up with a bitter scar that ruins the content for them.

Best I can say is RIP, ya know?

#shyan

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heavenlycloud · 1 year

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meet the users: the angels .ೃ࿔﹢࿐ ☆

huh yunjin (lyra)~ @ jenifrmtheblock

❀ vocalist and dancer who trained for 4 years before debuting in le sserafim. she’s the ‘middle child’ of her group and the supposed reason for sakura’s grey hairs. yunjin’s the funny one in her group just not to her members because they don’t get her american ass jokes. to fans though she’s the american who’s chronically online and borderline an ipad kid so of course she’s fairly popular. instead of actually addressing her feelings she writes them in songs then never thinks about them again.

୧ ‧₊☆彡˚ ⋅﹢

miyawaki sakura~ @ifeelbonita

❀ vocalist and dancer who debuted in japan nearly 13 years ago, then in korea around 6 years ago, and again in korea with le sserafim. honestly, she’s just a tired wine mom with 4 kids at this point. she prioritizes taking care of all of her members and sometimes a little more than herself, but that’s something she’s willing to sacrifice if it means her girls are happy. she’s only been in one committed relationship which is a little disjointed right now, tbh she doesn’t even know what’s going on between the two of them. as the oldest member she’s made fun of for being of the loop on nearly every trend but surprises her members every now and again.

୧ ‧₊☆彡˚ ⋅﹢

kim chaewon~ @nepobabychae

❀ leader and vocal who trained for 10 months before her first debut then trained again for about 9 month before debuting in le sserafim. sakura knows her best since they’ve known each other the longest. when it comes to her relationships she has none because she’s the most awkward and dorky mf known to man when a pretty girl comes around…so yeah she has no game. what she does have is a staring problem.

୧ ‧₊☆彡˚ ⋅﹢

nakamura kazuha~ @toeshews

❀ dancer and rapper who trained for 12 weeks before making her debut with her members. girlie is an ex-ballerina and her company will not let anyone forget about it…ever. she has literally no interest in dating to the point where she forgets people actually want to date her and laughs when she gets asked out because she thinks its a joke. she’s the second youngest and along with yunjin drains the life out of chaewon like it’s a hobby. sometimes she pretends she doesn’t understand korean so she can eavesdrop on conversations.

୧ ‧₊☆彡˚ ⋅﹢

hong eunchae~ @ohmymanchae

❀ dancer and vocalist who trained for 6 months before debuting in le sserafim. she’s the youngest and her group’s pride and joy. whenever she does anything her members already have phones out to take pictures while they marvel over her just breathing. eunchae is so energetic it’s like she runs on lithium batteries, but nobody complains. she’s the actual reason for sakura’s grey hairs.

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headintheclouds-posts · 1 year

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nct haechan enemies to lovers ? :D tysmm

Of course sweetie, I hope this is ok, its the longest story I have ever written on this app so I hope you like it and please send over anymore asks you can think of.

Starts of pretty angsty, but I promise it becomes fluffy.

Trigger warning - Some face shaming is mentioned in this story. Please note I do not condone this in any way.

You had recently debuted after several years of training with your agency SM, you and the girls in your group were like sisters and people were already praising your vocals and dancing skills online. It honestly felt like a dream come true, you were so lucky to have such an amazing group to be apart of, and also the other idols in SM had always been extremely supportive and gave the best advice.

Today your group was having an interview for a segment on a pretty well known show and none of you could contain your excitement. 'What if I say something stupid?' one of the girls said, panicking at the thought of the exposure you were all about to get. 'Don't worry, everything will be fine, just take a deep breath before answering each question' you responded trying to console her. To be completely honest, you were also extremely nervous but as the leader, your job was to make sure the group felt comfortable in any settings. 'If any difficult questions are asked, I will answer them' you smiled patting the girls back. 'Thanks Unnie' she responded clasping your hand in hers.

'Right ladies, the interviewer is almost here, we should greet them at the front of the building' your manager called out. You all followed him in a line to the foyer of the building and welcomed the news team. You all made small talk whilst walking to the meeting room to conduct the interview. On the way, you passed several well known idols including some members of NCT. They all smiled as they passed as you gave your hello's, that was until you got to Haechan, upon trying to greet him he just sneered and walked away. He had always been like this with you. At the beginning you thought maybe he just had issues with a new group but he was always polite and made small talk with the girls, you on the other hand have spent the past 30ish months being ignored, sneered at and having hateful comments made whenever he was around. You had tried to approach him several times trying to find out what you had done wrong but his response was always the same, 'I just don't like you y/n'. It wouldn’t of felt so bad if you didn’t have a small crush on him.

You tried to brush off his behaviour as you sat down with the rest of the group for your interview. The lady asking the questions was really nice and made you all feel at ease, and even complimented you all after saying how polite you all were. 'Thank you so much for speaking with me, I will have to head back to the office now as we will be posting the chat on our website later tonight' the interviewer smiled. You all bowed and thanked her. Once she had left, yourself and all the girls slumped to the floor glad it was over. 'Anyone hungry?' you asked as they all nodded their heads in unison. 'Great, let me just nip for a bathroom break and then we can go' you smiled, standing up to excuse yourself.

On your way back to meet the girls for lunch you bump into Haechan. Remembering what happened earlier you grabbed him by the arm. 'What was that about before? you couldn't just pretend to be polite for one minute whilst we were with guests' you questioned. He snatched his arm away from you before giving you an agitated look. 'Don't speak to me y/n, I don't want anyone to think I am associated with you' he snarled before walking off. Even though he has behaved like this many times before, you couldn't help the way your heart sank when he treated you like this. You brushed off how you felt and slapped on a smile to go and meet your group for lunch.

You went and filled up your trays and sat at one of the empty tables chatting amongst yourselves. You noticed Jungwoo and Mark walking over with their trays waving at you. 'Can we sit here' Mark asked. 'Of course' one of your members responded as the guys slid onto the bench. 'Heard you girls just had your first proper interview, does it feel real yet?' Jungwoo asked smiling at you all. 'Not yet' you responded, 'more scary than anything' you nervous laughed. 'Honestly you will get used to it' Mark said before turning his head into a different direction. 'Yo Haechan, there's some space here' he shouted across the canteen. You all turned your heads to look in Haechans direction. His face dropped when he saw you and he rolled his eyes. 'I'd rather not'' he spat before walking off with his tray. Both Jungwoo and Mark looked at you and tried to brush it off. 'What's his problem' one of the girls in the group snapped. 'Just ignore him' Mark says, 'Yeah he can be like that sometimes' Jungwoo nodded after seeing the sadness in your face. After lunch the girls decided to go back to the dorms to rest, you on the other hand decided to get your head around the choreography for your new song.

You don't even know how long you had been practicing before you decided to go and get some water. There was a machine just down the corridor from your practice room so you punched in the numbers and waited for your bottle to come out. You realised the interview would of probably been posted by now so you fished your phone out of your pocket and brought up the website. A big smile spread across your face looking at the lovely story written up by the interviewer. You continued scrolling to your phone as your saw the comment section was heaving with messages. The first few were pretty nice but then your stomach dropped.

"Is that the leader?? Ew she is not pretty at all"

"I don't know why they're debuting ugly idols now, let alone making one the leader"

"One thing is for sure, the leader will not be my bias"

In the midst of all the lovely and supportive comments, these comments stood out, causing tears to prick in the corner of your eyes. You look up from your phone in shock, not being able to comprehend how cruel some people were being. You hear footsteps and look to see Haechan walking down the corridor towards you. Without getting your water bottle you run to your practice room not wanting him to see you cry, he would only make things worse. Once you’re in the room you sit against the wall as a steady stream of tears fall from your eyes. Why me, you thought, you did your best to be a nice and kind, you always looked out for other people and put them before you, why do people have to be so cruel?. Next thing you hear is the practice door room slam open, causing you to jump from the sound. You look up to see Haechan in the doorway with a strange look on his face. You use your jumper to quickly wipe the tears from your eyes and continue to sit on the floor, not bothering to get up and face more mean comments.

You hear Haechan’s footsteps get closer to you he calls out your name. You look up through your tear collected eyelashes to see him knelt in front of you. ‘Wow, you’re kind of an ugly crier you know’ he says with a smirk on his face. ‘Why don’t you piss off Haechan, I am not in the mood’ you shot back. He proceeded to ignore you and sat across from you with his legs stretched out. ‘I told you to leave Haechan’ you said giving him a stern look. ‘You really think I would miss this’ he sniggered. You couldn’t hold it in anymore, you were angry and upset and tired, so tired of how people had been treating you. ‘Get out’ you half shouted getting to your feet. ‘I am sick of this, sick of people treating me like dirt for their own amusement, I never did anything to you and yet you continue to make my life a living hell, I can’t do this anymore’ and with that you turn on your heel to leave. Before you can go any further a hand grabs your wrist and pulls you back. You find yourself wrapped up in the arms of your enemy, nose pressed against his chest whilst his arms have found their way around you. The tears start up again with this sign of comfort and you let yourself go in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably into his t-shirt. You half expect him to push you away and laugh at you or tell you this is some sort of prank, but instead he uses one hand to rub circles into your back whilst the other holds you close. You don’t know how long you were like this before you came to your senses and pulled away. ‘Haechan if this is some sort of joke then its not funny’. ‘Does it look like I am laughing?’ he questions back cocking his eyebrow. You really couldn’t read him, for the last several years he has been nothing but uninviting to you, why now did he want to console you? ‘You forgot this by the way’ he says picking up the bottle of water that was on the floor and handing it to you. ‘Oh right, thank you’ you respond taking the bottle from him. ‘So were the comments that bad?’ he asks you, ‘how did you know it was about the online comments?’ you say. ‘I saw the reporter come in with you this morning and I am just putting two and two together’ he shrugs. ‘Same thing happened when we were rookies too’ he says nonchalantly. ‘Really?’ you asked looking up at him. ‘Yeah, you kinda get over it, they are nothing but trolls so I just try to ignore them, you should too’. Still shocked at how kind he is being, you thank him again and let out a small laugh. ‘What are you laughing at?’ he questions tilting his head to the side. ‘I just never thought we would have a normal conversation without arguing’ you respond. ‘You never did tell me why you hate me?’ you ask him wondering what his answer will be. ‘I never said I hated you y/n, have you ever stopped to think that it might be something else’ he says taking a step towards you. ‘What? what else could it be other than hate’ you say to him as your voice raises up an octave. At this point you can see him start to get a little angry as well, ‘maybe, just maybe its because you’re rude y/n’ he shouts back. ‘Rude, RUDE, when have I ever been rude to you, I have always tried to be nice, even when you made me feel terrible’ you shout, as you go on your tiptoes to look slightly more intimidating than you feel. ‘You’re the rudest person I have ever met, did you think I wanted to fall in love, did you think I ever wanted to feel this way’ he is basically screaming at you right now. ‘I just wanted an easy life and you just waltz in and flip my world upside down. You go about your day happy with not a care in the world whilst I am suffering, suffering because you stole my heart and there is nothing I can do about it, so I would say that’s pretty rude of you’. Silence then fills the air as you both stare at each other, you don’t know what to think, or even feel other than shock. ‘You...you love me?’ you managed to splutter out after what felt like several minutes of silence. ‘You know what y/n, forget I said anything’ he says turning to walk away, but this time it was his turn to be grabbed by the wrist as you pull him back towards you. ‘Say it again’ you ask looking up into his chocolate eyes. ‘I love you y/n, I have from the moment you were introduced to us and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since’ and with that you close any space between you and put your hands on either side of his face, ‘I am going to be rude again and ask for a kiss if that’s ok?’ you whisper to which he nods in response. He pulls you up into his arms as your lips connect into the most euphoric kiss. You feel as though your soul has left your body and time stands still. His lips are so soft and warm against yours. The only way you could describe it was like coming home. It was perfect. Once you break away he rubs his nose against yours, ‘sorry for my behaviour over the past few years, I just didn’t know what to do with my feelings’ . ‘Its fine, but from now on you have to be nice to me if I am going to be your girlfriend’ you say kissing the tip of his nose. ‘Girlfriend?’ he questions with a laugh causing your bottom lip to pout out. ‘I am only joking, you’re more than my girlfriend, after feeling the way I have for all these years I am pretty sure you’re my soulmate’ he says peppering butterfly kisses to your face. ‘Come on, how about I treat you to a meal and we forget about those online trolls’ he says smiling. ‘Already forgotten’ you respond whilst grabbing your things to leave. ‘So like what do we do know, hold hands or something?’ he says awkwardly. ‘Come on’ you giggle grabbing his hand and walking to the exit. Though the day had many twists and turns, it ended in the most perfect way ever, your enemy finally became your lover and you couldn't be happier.

Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes on this one. It’s been a busy day :) feel free to send over anymore requests <3

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kulay-ng-banaag · 7 months

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Filipino* Hetalians are bothered by how vocal people are to criticize the US state but not CN. We only wished for others to be as critical, because Filipino Hetalians have been criticizing the CN state for trespassing — no, literally violating international law that was settled years ago and ineffectively implemented after our former president elected to court the CN state in the name of anti-US imperialism. The coast guard of the CN state rammed the boats of our fisherfolk — one of the, if not the, poorest sectors of the Philippines. It doesn't matter who you are, if you are in their way, they won't hesitate. Why they do this has more to do with capitalism than racism per se (even while racism is ultimately rooted in capitalism).

We're critical because WE DON'T WANT IT TO ESCALATE INTO A CONFLICT THE LIKES OF PALESTINE RIGHT NOW. The White House is literally intervening because the CN state refuses to take accountability. We are forced to invoke a law that most of us did not even exist to protest before. It doesn't help that they have used the military bases they built here as a jumping point for other wars (one example with the keywords: Clark Air Base, Allen Lawrence Pope, 1958 PRRI/Permesta Rebellion). What happens is we end up holding some level of responsibility for something we as a people did not sign up for. Then, we have to pay reparations but our taxes literally get pocketed, so we only further suffer for the sins of capitalist pigs.

But since no children have died yet, I guess it doesn't matter? Our government is debating over the reimplementation of mandatory ROTC for university students. One student was killed years ago for exposing the hazing rituals that have been normalized in the ROTC system. This is the same ROTC that obliges us into military service when the state calls for our specific names, only this time everyone has to go through it, and therefore anyone can be called on. Of course, that is unlikely unless there is war. Now put that next to our West Philippine Sea issue and you see the dots connect.

You would have known that if you had just listened to Filipino Hetalians from the start, instead of scrambling for excuses and copy-pasting racist rhetoric as a clapback to defend your victim complexes.

Nobody asked for you to explain your trauma. Nobody asked because we're completely aware and SYMPATHIZE with that. That's not our problem. That was never our problem. Your trauma is not our oppression. The problem is a neighboring government refuses to acknowledge and intervene in the aggression of its own resources. Nobody said iT's yOuR fAuLt ThEy'Re DoInG tHiS, it's honestly worrisome how people hear things that were never uttered...

But what are we supposed to expect when you have informants everywhere to keep track of any form of disagreement so you're basically a panopticon over the fandom that nobody wanted in the first place? Do Filipino Hetalians have to go into detail now about how we here are under constant surveillance from the Philippine state because any form of vocal disagreement will get us red-tagged and possibly killed as retaliation for offending the egos of those in power?

You demand we respect your trauma while irrationally labeling someone else's trigger as racism? Did you actually believe that would contribute one step closer to a ceasefire? Be honest with yourselves and think it through realistically: Did you actually believe that your online, inflammatory retaliation will contribute a step towards a ceasefire?

The honest and realistic answer is NO, because you wasted energy that could have been put into organizing on the ground. You wouldn’t have to get snarky about how you spend time helping elsewhere because your lack of training in working with fellow organizers with mental health issues indicates your lack of experience. Your lack of experience indicates you have yet to touch real grass and organize beyond huddling your friends into online harassment campaigns.

You don’t get to sprinkle disclaimers of not harassing people while adding #hater tag. You literally gossiped about me in your circle. You cherry pick receipts in your favor. The worst part is I’m not the first person you’ve done this, and I doubt I will be the last one. You only visibly condemn public harassment in order to wash your hands clean of your private harassment.

And I’m not even white, yet you spit inflammatory statements about me as if I was a white racist. Between us, who’s the Westerner to the other?

This is not about racism from white supremacists anymore. This is elitism, and we Filipino Hetalians have too much of that already. It’s elitism because you constantly enforce your intellectual superiority over us like some evangelizing conqueror holding dominion over the poor, unenlightened savages. It’s elitism because being Asian by blood doesn’t change the fact that you’re entitled to privileges not so within the means of non-migrants. Note that I write “by blood” because tying identities to the state is conclusively dehumanizing. Does my being Filipino automatically make me anti-indigenous? Does someone being American by citizenship make them racist freaks, regardless if they are also black/indigenous/Asian/Pacific Islander?

We’re as upset over the racist-motivated attacks of Chinese people because of the racist framing of the CN state as the source of COVID-19. We’re as ashamed of the lingering sinophobia in SEA. At the same time, we here in SEA are in closer geographical proximity to the CN state puts us in a higher vulnerability to exposure to aggressions on a state level. You could have also learned of our genuine opinions if you had just asked. Instead, you assumed for us. We may both be Asians by blood, but what happened to the whole respecting our nuances because Asians aren’t a monolith? Please understand where the nuances lie.

Elitism is also satisfying your freedom to freely speak of your traumas while policing the traumas of other people not shared by you, because the conditions you have grown under have instilled a hostile and ableist perspective for mental health breaks in general. That is the fault of the normalization of capitalism that every one of us must live under. The good news is that it can be dismantled. The bad news is having a petty fight with someone you dislike because they explained why they disagreed with your fandom opinion on the internet is not going to leave a scratch on the foundation of capitalism we mutually want to destroy.

Lastly, elitism is also the combination of residing in Western countries — all the more in the core of all cores of imperialism today that is the United States of America — and having a significantly larger following, and therefore influence, on social media than most non-migrant SEAsians in the Hetalia fandom. You hold a privilege and leverage over other voices; I mean, just look at how much traction the racebending disk horse received. As far as I can speak for my commentary — though I wasn’t the only one — we only wish for acknowledgement of the nuances alongside the impossibility of total depoliticization of nation-state personifications.

You speak of fighting racism, yet you constantly patronize the people from the communities you demand more representation of. It should not be any harder to realize the unappreciated double standards than the history of racism against diaspora communities in white-majority countries. I hate that it happens. We hate that it happens. But the internet is not restricted to the Western experience alone. The internet is not occupied solely by Westerners. Sheesh, guys, I know the US is even colonizing the digital space but don't give them that validation lmao?

And at the end of the day, this bizarre drama was never about the Chinese identity or the anti-Asian racism or the genocide of Palestinians. It was about a neurodivergent SEAsian expressing that her sudden quiet presence on social media is because she needed to recover from an anxiety attack that was preventing her from functioning, which includes platforming her support for Palestinians and other obligations in her every day life with sincere intentions. Understand that you are enforcing an unwanted power dynamic every time you make everything about you, again and again and again and again.

Understand that in creating a false rumor in mocking someone's trigger, you are establishing that the Hetalia fandom is not a safe space for the neurodivergent.

Understand that in creating a false rumor in mocking someone's trigger, you are establishing that the neurodivergent are useless, and therefore have no right to participate, in the fight for the freedom of Palestine.

UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE A VICTIM OF RACISM AS MUCH AS YOU ARE AN ENABLER OF ABLEISM.

THE GOOD NEWS IS THIS: It can be unpacked. Here are some articles on the impact of frequent media exposure to extreme violence. Mental health wellness is as much a part of the peace process.

Media Exposure to Collective Trauma, Mental Health, and Functioning: Does It Matter What You See?

Witnessing images of extreme violence: a psychological study of journalists in the newsroom

Media’s role in broadcasting acute stress following the Boston Marathon bombings

You are free to email the authors to argue about why dedicating time for recovery is morally wrong and a privilege that can never be a right. Don't take it to me or to any other Filipino Hetalian anymore, take it to the specialists in the field. Argue against the foundations of their profession. Shake them to the core, for all we care. Tell them how you think their works supplement racism because you want so desperately to be right about your bad-faith reading. Understand that your stubborn inability to hold others in good faith for once is toxic and destructive.

EDIT (01/09/24): Here are abridged infographics of a webinar addressing mental health and systemic violence, and organized by an advocacy network that works with indigenous communities and environmentalists. To quote them: "mental health must be addressed with collective care that is inseparable from collective action in solidarity with the Palestinian people's national liberation movement." If that still does not humble you, then accept that there are Hetalians — not just the non-migrant Filipinos — who are actually uncomfortable with your constant aggression and you just don't know it because you don't listen when they choose to speak up about it.

Now that that’s all said, take the time to comprehend how our pains now stand as equals in magnitude with respect to our dignities as humans.

*Bluntly, me and my friends and mutuals in the Hetalia fandom who are all non-migrant Filipinos. I don’t want to assume for others not in my circle, but I am extremely tired of all the cop behavior over us. This is not Martial Law.

P.S. Stop using “mainlander” like a slur. Not even as a joke. Stop it before it blows into full-out racism.

#war cw #violence cw #death cw #racism cw #sinophobia cw #ableism cw #mentions of genocide cw #long post

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doepaoros · 21 days

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7grandmel · 2 months

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Todays rip: 12/04/2024

Light! (Potentialseeker Colress)

Season 8 No Album Release (Read More)

Ripped by eg_9371

youtube

The Season 8 train keeps chugging!! Its honestly been a lot of fun keeping up with the channel in real-time and jotting down rips that I think would be fun to talk about on here. There was Shiny Smily TALE of course, with its connections to a rip made nearly four years prior, and there was Luna, mi Amor, which sold itself as worthy of discussing immediately and only became more interesting the further I dug into it - tons of Season 8's features on here have had some truly fascinating backgrounds to them. But as soon as I heard Light! (Potentialseeker Colress), I didn't need to know anything else - it was LOCKED in. eg_9371 has hit me with yet another terminal banger.

I say another, of course, because eg_9371 has introduced me to a lot of cool music through his absolute truckload of contributions to the channel. kris gaming comes to mind as the main example, but it was also through Jesus of the Underground that I first learned about Jesus of Suburbia to begin with! The guy has his fingers in a lot of pies, and it's as if no matter what part of his circle of interests that he chooses to arrange music from, the result will be a guaranteed banger. I was, of course, mainly drawn to Light! (Potentialseeker Colress) for the track it's using, Colress' battle theme from Pokémon Black & White 2. An incredible piece of music, in a game already defined by its crisp and distinct soundscape, heard in rips like Four Ardain ~Roaming the Route~ and Battle! The Trainer Inside Your Head!: in other words, get the reference or not, its hard for me NOT to love Gen 5 Pokémon melodyswaps. Light! (Potentialseeker Colress) indeed uses a song I've never heard before in Aegleseeker, originating from the mobile rhythm game Arcaea - but I didn't need to go stumbling down the wiki trenches to realize just how hard the rip, and song, both bang.

What surprised me about listening to the original Aegleseeker for this post, though, was how starkly different it sounds from Colress' battle theme and by extension Light! (Potentialseeker Colress) itself. Colress' theme is electronic yet not noisy, sounding like a perfectly-wound machine, a system working without flaw yet electronic in its very nature - by contrast, Aegleseeker's brand of electronic music sounds as if its racing toward the sun, as if its a cluster of information traveling at indescribably speeds through an online web breaking apart at the seams. An intense BPM, fervent percussion, heavy guitars and distorted vocal samples, all paired up with a lead instrument that sounds like a light breaking through the dark, desperate to not fade. The two songs share a thematic baseline yet veer in such harsh opposite directions, that I'm amazed eg_9371 made it work so effectively in the rip itself. It cleans up some of Aegleseeker's noise to have things still sound as if they're feasibly part of a Nintendo DS game, the BPM is obviously sped up from the original battle theme yet still sound just slightly behind in tempo from Aegleseeker, and the elegant synths from Colress' synths punctuate the rip at all of the perfect moments. I can't put my finger on if Battle! (Colress)'s vocal samples slowly counting down from four to zero replace any particular part of Aegleseeker's sound, but they really do help round the piece out, perhaps as a way to echo Aegleseeker's distorted vocal samples.

I could sit here and listen back and fourth and back and fourth to the two, but I think the important part has been conveyed well enough. Season 8 has only just begun, yet has brought me surprises at every turn, be it an entire day dedicated to Justin Bieber with BELIEBERDANSEN or the ongoing frequency with which Stuck Inside rips like Willievan Afton Polkka are still impressing me. But amidst all of those larger-scale hits, one mustn't forget the smaller things. Light! (Potentialseeker Colress) may just be one rip, and the combination of Aegleseeker's (relative) obscurity and sheer intensity likely means it won't be showing up much again on the channel going forward - and despite that, eg_9371 gave the song his absolute all and made an absolutely unforgettable rip in the process.

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musicalacademy · 2 years

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gurrenwrites · 4 months

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Mina- A Short Story

Synopsis: Crushed by crippling gender dysphoria and her passive ability to read the emotions of others, Mina is at the end of her rope. However, if just one person is kind to her on her way to the bridge, she'll delay her self-induced end.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Gender Dysphoria & Suicidal Ideation

This story is part of A Different Universe, taking place in the Era of Wonder.

"If you're ready to quit this pathetic charade, you can come home."

Mom's words from last week's phone call echoed in my head as I stepped out of the subway station at 181st street.

Sure, I could have taken a cab; it's not like money mattered anymore. But deep down, I prayed that just one person would talk to me along the way, show any sign of compassion.

Just one "hey, everything alright?" would have turned me right back around.

Those that managed to lift their heads from their phones and give me as much as a glance radiated with a potent pity.

"Poor thing; just wasn't cut out for New York City," I could practically hear them say just through their aura alone.

Those folks weren't that bad.

The auras that broke me were those filled to the brim with disgust. The dysphoria was crippling enough as it is. I knew I wasn't passing; it was abundantly clear every time I looked in the mirror. Staring back at me would always be some hunched-over man, stubble bursting from his cheeks and hair bunching up on the back of his neck, desperately pretending to be a girl despite clear visual evidence of the contrary. Having the ability to sense emotions, however, made that dysphoria so much worse.

I had spent enough time in crowded subway cars and cramped stores to know that when someone looked at me, and disgust beamed off of them within seconds, it meant they were thinking "does this gross perverted boy really think he can pass as a girl?"

They were right; they were all fucking right.

After the revolution, drugs that the new government deemed to be luxury medications became increasingly rare. If you didn't have the means to shill out thousands of dollars for a single dose, you just weren't getting any. Almost all forms of hormone replacement therapy fell under that umbrella.

I did the best I could, I really did. I replaced most of my wardrobe and found vocal training classes online. Still, no matter how hard I tried, I just wasn't cutting it.

It wasn't like I had any friends to talk to; my difference always showed me what they really thought of me before we even had the chance to become close.

Sure my office prided themselves on diversity, equity, and inclusion, but the second I came out was the beginning of the end for my job. They could say all they wanted that they supported me, but their ever-present misgendering didn't quite reflect that. Disgust, and even pure malice, bubbled around my department; I didn't even need to read them to know that was the case. From absurd assignments to the sabatoging of my actually-legitimate projects, they were slowly, but surely, forcing me out of the office.

Their strategy worked, of course. When have I ever been strong enough to win any conflict?

Auras of relief flurried around my row of cubicles as I ran out of the building, bawling my eyes out, screaming "I quit!"

Here I was, one month after that escape, not enough in the bank to pay next month's rent. Going home... to my parents house, of course, was no longer an option.

My parents said they would welcome me in with open arms as Mark, their son.

"Mina is just a misguided phase."

Enough said.

I tried my best to bullshit my way into a persecuted differents aid package, but I don't know how I expected any luck on that front, being born years after the war to two non-different parents.

The idea first came into my head around this time last year. I was lying in bed, unable to fall asleep as the sun began to creep its way through the bottom of my dilapidated blinds. At that point, I told myself I had two options. Get in a cab to the George Washington Bridge, or take a walk in Central Park. The latter emerged victorious. Staring at turtles inching their way through the orange-purple-sunrise-reflecting pond, I decided I would give myself another chance.

As I should have known that very night, the next 12 months proved even crueler.

It was exciting, in a way. I was finally going to feel what death felt like. Was it just like falling asleep and never waking up? Would I be in heaven, Hashem there to greet me like my parents and rabbis swore? To be honest, neither seemed quite likely to me.

I always secretly imagined the afterlife as a collection of dark-blue bubbles. Everyone had their own, but it was too fuzzy to see who occupied the neighboring pods. Best of all, it was quiet. No noise but the eonic ocean and blooping of bubbles. Best of all, their membranes would be too thick for my difference to work. My head would finally be quiet.

I crossed my fingers, hoping my wild imagination would prove to be a premonition. As I briskly walked through the neighborhood toward the bridge in the distance, I soaked in the last stretch of New York City streets I would ever see. LED lights blared from ancient bodegas. Electronic music blasted from dimly-lit apartments and bars.

I was told that, despite it being a headquarter city under the triad, the war never really came to New York. Most of the actual fighting took place in the eastern blocs.

Seeing this neighborhood, seemingly untouched from decades upon decades of fascism and war, left a bitter taste in my mouth. They got to carry on unchallenged, while every single step I took, move I made, was combated.

The shivering coursing through my body made me regret not wearing something warmer. I told myself I didn't need it. If I was ever found, I didn't want to be buried in a hoodie and jeans. Instead I wore a sundress, despite the late-November chill piercing my skin, making me shake relentlessly.

I knew that, if my body was found, mom and dad would most likely have the dress replaced with a suit before the funeral, but that didn't matter. I could never be my true self alive; at least I could die my true self.

"Spare a dollar for a veteran?" an aged, homeless man crept his way over from the street corner, shooting me out of my train of thought.

Why the fuck not? I wouldn't need it anyway.

"Sure thing," I waved, stepping in closer to him.

It was the first time I had talked in days, and boy was it bad. Months of vocal training had done as good as the new government had done for the man in front of me. He was old, but not too old. He would have absolutely been a prime fighter 20-30 years ago. Now he had a worn-down prosthetic leg peeking out through the holes in his ripped-up jeans.

"What side did you fight on?" I asked as I sifted through my backpack, searching for my wallet.

"The triad, sadly. I regretted that I didn't just dodge the draft. Never fired a single bullet or threw a single steam canister at those poor differents, but that didn't stop them from blowing off my leg."

"I'm sorry man, I know how awful that must have been, but here, take this."

I pulled out the two $20 bills I had on me and tucked them in his hand.

"This is far too much," the man shook his head and tried to peel my clenched fingers to place the money back in their grasp.

"Take it; I insist," I sternly assured.

"Why thank you madame, thank you so much!" a smile beamed across the man's wrinkled face, showcasing his browning teeth.

Madame... he called me madame. I had told myself that if one person, just one, was kind to me, I would turn around, go back home, and push on. But why did that still feel so impossible?

"You have a wonderful rest of your night," the man shouted as he began to hobble away.

"You... too..." I stuttered, paralyzed.

Frozen in indecision, I stared ahead of me. It was just one more block to the pedestrian entrance of the bridge. But it would only be a few more blocks backward to the 1-line subway station.

As I stood shivering, I closed my eyes. I searched my mind in the darkness for just one friend, one person who I knew would be there for me. I couldn't find anyone in the inky-black abyss. Sure that man was kind to me, but odds are I would never see him again. Odds are he wouldn't even survive the winter. The world was so much colder than my body was. So I opened my eyes, and trekked on toward the bridge.

My mind kept wandering back to that realm of bubbles. It seemed so much more appealing than getting back on that train to my rat-infested apartment that I'd be evicted from in a matter of weeks.

And there I was, standing right in front of the railing guarding the wanderers of the bridge from the roaring-black river below. Without hesitation, I climbed up to the top of the railing, and hoisted myself onto its icy, rusting tips.

I stared ahead at the city from which I came, the city that chewed me up and spat me out without as much as an apology. It glowed and glistened against the orange-blackness of the polluted night sky. Despite it being almost 5am, it was alive, disgustingly beautiful. It made me want to jump even more.

I pushed myself up, redirecting my weight to my arms and the front half of my body. That shift was just enough to send me propelling over the railing toward the bobbing darkness of the water below.

WHISH

I was lifted up and slammed back down onto the concrete path behind me.

"Ow fuck!" I shouted as my back spasmed in pain from the crash.

"The water would have hurt a whole lot more, I guarantee it," a voice assured.

I let out an echoing gasp of relief. Pent-up fear I didn't even know was in me whistled from my lungs. I looked up to see the figure in front of me.

She was surprisingly tall, and visibly muscular. She donned a black leather jacket, her neon-pink hair resting on its sleeves. I glanced down to see that she wasn't actually touching the ground, but was floating a few feet above the filthy pavement. She looked familiar, but I couldn't quite place it.

A concoction of relief and compassion were radiating from her in the most tremendous aura I had ever read. They smacked against my own dread, engaging in a brutal melee.

I couldn't contain myself; my body was overcome by violent sobbing. She gently landed feet first in front of me, crouching down to my level. She didn't say a word; she just wrapped her warm arms around me and held me tight. We sat huddled up as all the feeling trapped inside me burst its way out in a relentless flood of wails and tears. Only when the sun began to creep its way up from behind the city skyline did she unlink her arms.

"Do you think you're ready to move again?"

Wiping my swollen eyelids, I nodded. She smiled, sending waves of compassion my way.

"What's your name, angel?" she asked in the gentlest of tones.

"Mina," I sniffled.

"That's such a beautiful name," she beamed.

"I'm Roxy."

#writeblr #a different universe #short story

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mtncitymusicusa · 5 months

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romulus · 1 year

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comrade monte @personalmephistopheles tagged me so i have no choice but to do this.

the meme is to pick your favourite song off every album by an artist of your choice so of course i am choosing my good friend miss sufjan.

for selection criteria i excluded based on lack of familiarity with the album (enjoy your rabbit, run rabbit run, aporia) and general inability to recall songs distinctly from one another (convocations). otherwise all album releases are covered here.

let us begin

A Sun Came (1999): A Sun Came

this one came down between "a sun came" and "kill", and though i love murder, the title track came out in front. the album as a whole misses more than it hits, but i think it's impressive how his first album demonstrates so many of his musical sensibilities and many of his production and instrumentation choices can be traced back to here. i'm a big fan of the stripped back, double tracked with falsetto sound, as you can see here. i find "a sun came" just that much more interesting than "kill" in terms of melody and lyricism.

(Greetings from) Michigan (2003): Romulus

its me!

Seven Swans (2004): Sister

im choosing this largely in part due to my fondness for sufjan bootlegs and several live performances of this where the crowd participation really elevates the song. check out the archive @/sufjanlive if you would like to find these live versions! though i enjoy the studio track here immensely as well

(Come On Feel The) Illinoise (2005): The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us!

im a simple man. for a very long time i had planned for my first tattoo to be a wasp on my arm because of this song and im happy to say that wish has been fulfilled

The Avalanche (2006): Pittsfield

the vulnerability of the lyrics of this song, how it combines resignation with courage, does a phenomenal job telling this story of the innocence of youth being lost as a result of the shortcomings of a parent, but also of how that loss can be liberating. the hopeful, almost triumphant outro always gets to me. i also feel this is a song where sufjan's falsetto truly shines. i understand the reasoning behind why it wasn't included on Illinois, but i do wish it got more recognition outside of sufjan fans.

Songs for Christmas (2006): Sister Winter

acknowledging that i would exclude all songs that were not sufjan originals from this selection, even if i were not, sister winter would be my choice. it's not just one of my favourite of his christmas songs, but one of my favourite songs from his whole discography! what can i say i love a sufjan song that builds into an anthem

The BQE (2009): Postlude—Critical Mass

this is revenge for the all delighted people piano pieces being unavailable online

The Age of Adz (2010): I Want To Be Well

one of the most songs to lose your voice screaming along to. yeah sufjan!!! i am NOT fucking around!!

All Delighted People (2010): All Delighted People (Original Version) / The Owl And The Tanager

technically this is an ep, not an album, but there's no way i wasn't going to cover it. "all delighted people (original version)" plays my brain and my emotions in a most phenomenal way. the orchestration! the choir! i had so much to give in spite of all the terror and abuse!! i love the structure between the verses and the chorus and how the song changes as it progresses. "the owl and the tanager" evokes such brilliant imagery along with these heart-rending lyrics, and the way sufjan's vocal delivery goes between a whisper and a wail. i couldn't exclude it from this list; it's one of my favourite songs of his, and another one to seek out live performances of.

Silver & Gold (2012): Carol of St. Benjamin The Bearded One

this is another wonderful vocal performance from sufjan. i'm not a trained vocalist, but i can hold my own while singing most things. this is a real challenge for me! and the delivery and lyrics complement one another so well. an honourable mention to "barcarola (you must be a christmas tree)" because it makes me insane

Carrie & Lowell (2015): John My Beloved / Eugene

the summer of 2015 i think this was just about the only thing i listened to. i included two selections from this album for several reasons. the first is that it's my favourite sufjan album, and probably album of all time. the second is that "john my beloved" is my favourite sufjan song and definitely my favourite song of all time, so it wouldnt be fair to other songs on the album. the third is that if i were to list all sufjan songs from most to least favourite, all of this album ranks in the top 25. my most physical and visceral reaction to music was the first time i heard "eugene", a sensation which i can recall with perfect clarity. so it must be included

Carrie & Lowell Live (2017): Blue Bucket of Gold / Blue Bucket Outro - Live

i would kill a man if it would allow me to time travel and see this performed live and im serious

Planetarium (2017): Mercury

i was so excited when they announced they were releasing a studio version of planetarium! those who are not sufjanistas will never again have to suffer like a pre-2017 sufjan fan navigating all the performances of the project. i saw this video while they were doing press for the album and its just wonderful. another beautiful vocal performance from sufjan!! man i love him so much

The Greatest Gift (2017): Wallowa Lake Monster

i love a 7 minute narrative song where the last 3 minutes are an instrumental outro. im going to say it again but the vocals on this song!!! fucking!!! again, another b-sides album exemption i can understand, but the lyrics and imagery and instrumentation are so heady and lush that i wish it hadn't been delegated to a secondary release.

The Decalogue (2019): IV / V

i would get into ballet for sufjan. not the dance itself but watching it. i feel this is a good place to ask anyone if they know where to find everywhere we go because for the life of me i cannot track it down

The Ascension (2020): The Ascension

i first listened to this song while watching the youtube premiere with a bunch of other sufjan fans! this was my favourite off the album then and it still is now. on an album that structurally diverges in many places from his other work, it combines a familiar sufjan format (a longer song that builds over the song) with the pop sensibilities he's expressing on this album in a way that i find to be very successful.

A Beginner's Mind (2021): Lacrimae

perhaps its improper to choose a song off this album that is more of an angelo de augustine vessel than a sufjan track but i really love this one. because the songs are loosely inspired by movies, i find a lot of them to be fixated on the source material, sometimes to their detriment. this one is considerably stripped back compared to other songs and i think it's a fantastic way to end the album. i was tempted to choose "olympus" but i enjoy the vocals of "lacrimae" too much to choose anything else.

if you read all of this thank you! i'm not going to tag anyone at this time, but if we are mutuals and you enjoy doing these kind of things on tumblr let me know and i'll keep you in mind for the future! go and enjoy the abundance of the world around you

#jest makes a post #friends!!!#sufjan stevens #music #tag games #i put more effort into this than i do most of my homework

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