#when cis authors do it it's because they don't know much about trans people

[cuntvonkrolock]

cis authors stop giving trans characters the gender-swapped version of their deadname as their chosen name challenge !!

#~my name is jason but i used to be... jasonette 😔😔~ NO TRANS PEOPLE TALK LIKE THIS #edit: i was unaware this post implied otherwise but trans people can literally use whatever name they want #if you wanna use the genderswapped version of your deadname go for it !! that's awesome !! #this post is about cis authors writing trans characters as a monolith who all choose our names like that #which is often really clumsy writing coming from cis authors #trans authors however can do whatever they want forever #because if a trans author does that they're not doing it bc they think that's what all trans ppl do #if a trans author writes a character like that it's probably bc that was their own irl experience #when cis authors do it it's because they don't know much about trans people

[stormsbourne]

alright listen

I know we're all having an evaluation of how eagerly we believe people who present with even the slightest air of authority and frankly good! we all need to be less credulous of people on the internet who tell lies.

but I think there are also other lessons to learn from james somerton. namely about his raging and blatant misogyny, which I've often seen similar forms of in fandom and on this specific site. to paraphrase bombs himself in the ctrl alt del video, if you see shitty behavior within your sphere, it's important to recognize it and try to fix it instead of rejecting it and asserting that no REAL members of the ingroup are like that. and nerds have a misogyny problem. including tumblr. so let's reckon with it.

do you append "white" or "straight" to your comments about women even when those things have little to do with the topic being discussed, just to make your comments seem more legit? (and no, m/m shipping discourse does not give you a ticket to say it's all straight women -- it's fictional characters, james.) do you often theorize about how (hurriedly appended "straight/white/cis") women are responsible for a problem in fandom, nay, all problems in fandom? have you made up a guy based on a single post that annoyed you and extrapolated to say that all (appended signifier to make it ok) women in fandom are like that? do you see women as uniquely fetishizing, uniquely stupid about politics or social issues, uniquely annoying to talk to? do you assume when there's an issue, even a real one and not the fake ones james made up, that a woman is probably at the root of it?

all of this still applies to you if you're a woman. it also applies if you're gay or a person of color or trans. being an oppressed group doesn't mean you are immune from sexism, and sexism is still rampant in everyday life for pretty much everyone.

your shipping and fandom discourse isn't immune from this. no, I'm not talking about how not enough people like yuri. I'm talking about how women who like "bad" ships like r*ylo or whatever are seen as open targets for harassment. how women who are into "bad/problematic" fandoms are seen as idiots and enablers who deserve what they get. how there's an attitude that women who like shitty bad porn must think it's good, must be too stupid to know better, and must need to be handheld and taught about good, acceptable fiction. I've already talked a lot about tumblr's complete refusal to admit that fujoshi wasn't a term coined by delicate japanese mlm to complain about evil women (and I wonder if james contributed to that idiotic concept), but the way I've seen people assert that women into m/m must be straight, must be stupid, must be lying about their identities, must be hurting gay men in real life in addition to wanting some anime boys to kiss ...

I've seen how some of you people talk about amb*r h*ard, is all I'm saying, and I've seen what you've tried to do to dozens of female creatives that, for some reason, you've decided deserve to be taken down or taught a lesson. I've seen the descriptions you use. shrieking, bitchy, whiny, uppity, shrewish, karen (don't get me started on how karen has been turned into an easy excuse for misogyny). you're not bystanders to what james did and is doing, you're a part of it. sure, you might not have the nazi fetish, but you've said things about women that put somerton to shame.

just a thing to keep in mind while the plagiarism discourse is ongoing. somerton is a shithead for many reasons but this is one that's important to remember because I think people often treat misogyny like a lesser crime, a smaller concern, and it's not. just think of what laws are passing and what views popular movements have of women and then, for one moment, consider that maybe your reflexive need to blame women or pick them apart might have been influenced by the Society In Which We Live.

#james somerton #hbomberguy

[sophieinwonderland]

The hatesub r/systemscringe are being full-on transphobes again!

Reminder: a huge number of systems have alters and headmates with completely different genders and sexes from the body.

Anyone who has ever studied any type of multiplicity is aware of this fact.

And not-so-shockingly, this makes gender complicated.

Let's just see the screenshots they're angry at today.

So the body has transitioned to male but this one headmate identifies as female and identifies as a trans woman.

In another screenshot, the system says they aren't "invading trans spaces." Which is such an absurd thing to have to defend yourselves from accusations of when you're a part of a trans system.

Even if you do take the position that spaces for transwomen should be exclusionary AFAB people, one would at least expect the male headmates to be able to feel safe in the trans community without being made to feel like they're "invaders."

Unfortunately, many pluralphobes and queer exclusionists have decided the gender identity of headmates in systems is less valid than that of singlets.

This is another pretty common thing. Especially with introjects who have source memories. It's common to have memories of lives you may not have actually lived but still feel pretty real.

I did a Tumblr poll last year. About half of systems responding had at least one trans headmate with the same gender as the body's AGAB. Nearly all had cis headmates with the opposite gender of the body.

Of course, if you heard it from r/systemscringe, they must be faking being trans entirely!

And takes like this throw not just systems under the bus, but also people who are genderfluid or otherwise nonbinary as well.

And if you're thinking, "wow, that comment sounds like something truscum would say," you aren't wrong!

Here are some unrelated posts this same user has authored:

Back to r/systemscringe, most of the comments were more of the same, stopping just short of calling them transtrenders but clearly very much wanting to!

By the way, all the censors on the names of the system and alters were mine. u/superthrowawayEEE censored nothing. When a user points this out, moderator u/DizkoLites says they considered taking it down but chose not to, saying their name was common enough that it wouldn't matter.

To be fair, the mods did end up taking it down... after the system got harassed for their gender and contacted the subreddit directly.

So congrats on waiting until after the harassment to enforce your own rules!

But don't worry, you're free to make a brand new post mocking someone for their gender identity! r/systemscringe's mod team is totally cool with that! Just gotta hide the name because that's apparently the only problem here!🙄

(You know, unless they're on the mod-approved hit list. Then you can name them too no matter how much harassment they get.)

The other day, someone asked this question on the hatesub:

Here's the answer:

Stop being bigots.

Stop being ableists.

Stop spreading misinformation.

Stop mocking people for their genders.

Stop harboring truscum and parroting transphobic talking points!

Try to be decent human beings for once in your lives!

And then... well, I guess that wouldn't leave much of a subreddit would it? There's no r/systemscringe without ableism, transphobia and queer exclusionism. It's baked into the DNA of these groups.

But maybe that would be for the best.

Nothing from these cringe communities is salvageable. And nothing should be socially acceptable about groups founded on cyberbullying.

#syscourse #lgbt discourse #lgbt #lgbtqia #lgbtq #queer #nonbinary #gender fluid #trans discourse #genderqueer #actually a system #truscum #sysblr #ableists #ableism #r/systemscringe #systemscringe #hate group #hate groups #transphobes

[olderthannetfic]

I saw a good post about the anti-BL creators of Western BL flavored stuff like Heartstopper and RWRB that was like: if they are so hell bent on the idea that their stuff is aimed at gay and bisexual men or boys, why did they not bother to look at any media by/for gay men? It’s not like that’s hard to find. Even if you’re just looking at stuff for teens like with Heartstopper author, most of the big YA books about gay or bi male characters are by gay male authors. Maybe try reading those. They’re clearly reading nothing but slash fanfic and maybe like M/M romance novels for women or like, idk, Check Please, and then going Shocked Pikachu Face when it turns out their books are way more popular with female audiences and Heartstopper TV has a famous gay man talk about how it’s clearly not for gay men and not how actual gay boys act.

And like… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with M/M stuff for women, the author of this post was clear that she didn’t think there was either. But these authors clearly wanted to make M/M for men so like… maybe talk to queer men or look at the media queer men are making for themselves if that is your goal! Less fanfic, more Looking or whatever.

It’s just the sheer fucking hubris of assuming that because they are some other flavor of queer and they’ve read some M/M fiction (slash fanfic) that they must know what it’s like to be every type of LGBTQ+ and don’t need to do any research to appeal to that audience.

--

They don't want to make m/m for cis gay male culture.

What they want is to have their current tastes validated in a "You're one of the boys and those other filthy fujos aren't!" way.

Trust me, this crap has been going on since the 90s and before. It's a common affliction of slash fans who want to be the most special. That goes for the trans men trying to assert their masculinity in a world that doesn't respect them as much as for the straight ladies who endlessly tell you about their Gay Best Friend. It's a disease that hits all parts of BL fandom.

It's just our local flavor of "Knitting isn't just for GIRLS anymore!" and "Now you can drink tea as a MAN!" startup bro insecurities. You know, the people being parodied here.

The best we can do is to keep laughing in their faces and keep treating BL as a marketing niche with genre conventions that's open to whomever shares that taste.

[cheonmamatousakura]

One of the wonderful things about When They Cry is not only how Ryukishi07 noticably improves as an author and builds upon his themes and ideas from his previous works, but also how each successive work gets more blatantly queer than the last.

Higurashi has quite a bit of plausable deniability on whether its characters are lgbtq. The most obvious ones are Furude Rika and Houjou Satoko for each other, but this can plausibly be denied by someone who doesn't see it without too much of a strech in the original eight episodes. Personally I'd argue that literally the entire main cast of girls are lgbtq of some kind except maybe Hanyuu, but each of those arguments do require interpretation. This is Higurashi from 2002.

Umineko gets more blatant with explicitly queer characters, more often on the magic side but there are some on the human side as well. It's a coinflip on whether Zepar or Furfur is trans (though some clowns will use real life voice actors to try to give a definitive answer). Bernkastel and Lambdadelta are notorious toxic witch lesbians. Furudo Erika and Dlanor are in a less explicit relationship that's a bit dicey at times and coming after Furudo Erika's unpleasant breakup with her boyfriend. Williard seems to be in a relationship with Ushiromiya Lion by the end even as Ushiromiya Lion explicitly states they're unsure of their gender and or don't want to say on the matter and Williard accepts that without hesitation and explicitly states that the audience should too. Ushiromiya Ange has a relationship with Mammon that can be interpreted as romantic as well, and with the open ended ending of her future, one can imagine Ushiromiya Ange as all sorts of sexuality and potentially still in that relationship with Mammon if not closer. And then of course there's Yasuda Sayo or as I'd like to call the queerest and most gender and sexuality character of all time. If I tried to count their potential queer identities, I'd probably miss at least one or two, but they ain't straight and they ain't cis even if their individual personalities might be. There's even more that you could say about the themes of Umineko overall that also tend to involve Yasuda Sayo to some extent, but I'll leave it there. By the latter half of Umineko or the answer arcs, some people reading at the time were wondering basically "Where'd all this gay shit come from?" among other things. Some people couldn't handle it at the time and many still can't, and some are somehow still in denial of Umineko's queerness to this day more than likely. This is Umineko from 2007.

Ciconia even with only one episode out and presumably an eighth of the way done by traditional When They Cry standards manages to be EVEN MORE explicitly queer within said one episode. This time, with no interpretation or any serious level of reading and understanding the text and characters needed, the main protagonists Mitake Miyao and Mitake Meow who share a body are either transgender one way or the other with Mitake Miyao being a boy and Mitake Meow being a girl. To this they're like Yasuda Sayo except they definitely know their sex, and like Ushiromiya Lion they'd rather not say at least yet. Mitake Meow's boyfriend Jayden respects this and that his girlfriend might be trans and that she can tell him and they can work whatever out when she's comfortable about it. There's a whole ass scene or so about this and is impossible to deny. Ciconia also mentions explicitly there being surgery to acquire a penis in the futuristic setting as well, and possibly even artificial wombs if I'm not mistaken too, things that are at the moment still medical hopes and dreams for so many trans people. There's also discussions about the struggles of lgbtq people as well as gay moments mostly among girls but even with a guy as well (not listing them partially because my memory of some of their names is fuzzy, lol). There's a pro yuri nun idol squad even who states that love has no bounds and yuri is the best thing ever essentially, you literally can't get more explicit and in the text than this unless your measure of gayness deems sex to be the epitemy and ideal of gayness at all times. I'm not even sure how you could be a queerphobic When They Cry fan without blatantly ignoring at least one work or malding about it constantly. This is Ciconia from 2019.

This post doesn't say much about Higurashi GouSotsu from 2020 because I haven't watched it myself, but that's pretty explicitly gay too and much more explicit than the original and makes the queer content in the original as well more blunt and obvious. Not necessarily recontexualization so much as a potential fragment that builds upon what was already previously alluded to for nearly two decades by that point.

To people who genuinely think any When They Cry work is definitively and undeniably straight...I really don't know what to tell you lol. Like there's room for intepretation for quite a bit of this including towards a cis or heterosexual explanation at times, but at some point you're just not reading the text very well to think that it's all just cis and straight and that the gays are just delusional somehow, lol.

#higurashi #higurashi spoilers #umineko #umineko spoilers #ciconia #ciconia no naku koro ni #ciconia spoilers #when they cry #lgbtq #07th expansion

[cancerstanople]

We need to talk about the gaslighting that comes with growing up marginalized.

For as long as I've been able to communicate my lived experiences in words, I've had those experiences minimized, disregarded, contested. Because I perceive the world differently than those around me, my view of the world isn't treated as real.

As a result, Im unable to trust my own instincts. Whenever I share something about myself, someone has always talked over me, tried to tell me otherwise, as if they have the authority to override my memories. And because of that, I no longer recognize myself as the one in control.

I first noticed this in regards to my neurodivergence, when I saw how other people read social cues compared to how I viewed them. Allistic people are constantly fighting me about what I mean behind what I say, because they don't think literally about other people. I'm constantly fighting neurotypicals, trying to make them understand that I'm real.

Then I noticed it when I talk to white people about race. I've yet to have a conversation with a white person about race without them getting defensive, protective over what's not even theirs. How badly they want to use AAVE, steal from black creatives, let them into BIPOC spaces without them budging an inch. They insist that they're not racist, no matter the circumstance. The White Lives Matter crowd imply that the motive of BLM and modern civil rights movements is not liberation or even equality, but malice and superiority. Constantly fighting me about something they don't know a damn thing about, and me constantly having to remind them I am real.

With men, and how they feign incompetence so women will do something for them. How they take up everyone else's space, without regard for anyone else's discomfort. How quickly they point blame at victims of rape and assault.

With cis people, their insistence that trans people only exist to hurt others. That we're predators, or we're prey of a mass brainwashing conspiracy, that we're confused, that we don't understand reality. The underlying theme of it all being that the way we experience the world cannot be it.

It's gaslighting. It's people telling you you're crazy, you're wrong, you're lying, you're misremembering. It's gaslighting for years and years by everyone around you, until you don't know who to trust anymore, not even yourself.

If you're cis, straight, white, a man, neurotypical, or any other of the "default settings," how quickly did you start telling yourself "I'm not like that. Not everyone like me is like that." Of course, I must clarify that not every man is an evil lying bastard and not every white person is a Nazi, but the fact that I feel I have to clarify this. The fact that it's so commonplace for people to respond to ideas that cause any sort of discomfort with anger, hostility in the hopes of absolving themselves of guilt. It's telling.

How much longer do we have to keep fighting? How much longer do we have to prove to the world that we exist, that we're real, that our lives are not lies we made up or hallucinations all in our heads? Because I've been fighting for at least since I've started speaking, and the odds have been stacked against me for centuries before I was born.

I'm tired. I just want to be real.

#autism #adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #lgbtq #queer #lgbt #lesbian #gay #bisexual #transgender #transmasc #transfem #transisbeautiful #black is beautiful #blm #black lives matter #leftism #leftist #feminism #afab nb #afab #anti capitalism

[soft-for-them]

I don't know a thing about love - Daryl Dixon x plus size non-binary reader

Summary: A Daryl x plus size non-binary reader based off the song 'I don't know a thing about love' by the White Buffalo.

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated and help more people read my works.

A/N: This is both a non-binary reader and a plus size reader, so cis people this isn't for you. The reader has been left vague because this is a short fic and not all plus size non-binary people are afab (really, it's real problem with authors, non-binary people aren't women!) This is coming from your very own non-binary/queer op. 👍

Everyone knows that you and Daryl Dixon are partners but everyone also knows that your relationship, or lack thereof, is complicated.

It’s clear you love each other, Rick or Carl could tell you (with various amounts of excitement) about the first time the two of you met, how Daryl’s eye widened, how you smiled like you had be given the sun and moon.

From the very start of joining Rick’s group you had it hard. Having to explain to people that you’re non-binary and not a man or woman was hard, both for yourself because you were coming out again to complete strangers and for them for most of the group aren’t queer.

Carl got it straight away, he happily used your preferred pronouns and asked you many questions most of which weren’t about being trans but where about random this like comic books and how your survived.

Rick, Carol, Glenn and Maggie learnt quickly too whilst the rest took their time getting used to someone so different to their heteronormative life.

Maybe it was because living people are hard to come by, maybe it’s because most of the bigots of the group had met their grizzly end but somehow you feel safer with Rick’s little rag tag group of survivors then the people you house shared with before the apocalypse arose.

Then there’s Daryl.

Now don’t get me wrong, the first few weeks of you joining Rick’s crew he didn’t talk to you, he just stared at you. He was raised by bigoted people and he was trying to be better, before the end of times even began he was trying to be better. He wasn’t racist or homophobic like his dad or brother nor did he go out his way to antagonise anyone (for he isn’t Merle after all) but still he was learning.

He was drawn to you, it made him panic just a bit but he has long realised that he isn’t so straight, that he identifies with both Bisexual, Pansexual and Queer, that he didn’t need a label for one he loves you and two who fucking cares.

But still it took a long time to come to terms with, thankfully you were there with him to help.

He remembers one day when you still were new and everyone was still stuck in the prison out the blue he asked about your jacket, an oversized black denim jacket sparsely covered in handmade patches.

You told him about the small amount of patches that you had; a non-binary flag on the breast pocket, an anti-Nazi patch on your arm, two ridged band patches that really should have been ironed on instead of sew on dotted around, tin badges decorating the collar like a jewelled necklace.

Over the years the jacket has evolved like he has, both have become more outward and full of love.

Daryl still cracks a smile at the back patch adorning your jacket made out of an old t-shirt of Carl’s that depicted a superhero dog.

You and Daryl talk, sleep close, sneak kisses when people aren’t looking, go hunting together, laugh at each other’s silly jokes. You’re out going and talkative whilst he stands back quiet and stoic his eyes always filled with love for you. You share clothes like it’s nothing, he loves holding you close at night the feeling of your plush body against his better than any bed or pillow, he knows you in and out, as do you for him.

But somehow still the two of you have never breached the subject of how much you love each other, you’ve neither had the conversation trying to figure out what to call one another.

Well not until today.

Sitting idly on the front porch of a nice enough house in Alexandria you work away under the watchful eye of your lover.

It was no surprise that you and Daryl were put together in the same home, neither is it a surprise that you both sit so close as the sky starts to turn orange, the sun slowly setting and the moon rising into the sky.

Knees touching, you carefully try to stick on a new patch onto your jacket next to one of many pride flags you’ve acclimated over the years.

Daryl leans over watching you quietly sew wonky stitches, his face almost pressed to the side of your round cheek.

“You know what Daryl?” you whisper, eyes flickering up to look up at him.

He just hums out a yes.

“When I first met you I didn’t know anything about love, I don’t think I fully know a thing about love now but with you I- I well-“ you face goes warm, your fingers stop sewing as he looks up at you with sparkling eyes, “-I think I’m learning because of you.”

He just stares at you for a moment, shock and what you assume is love morphing his face into a sweet smile.

That moment disappears as he leans down and kisses you, his chapped lips gentle on yours, your hands dropping your handiwork on your lap to hold his face in place.

You pull away first but still hold onto him with pin pricked hands, eye still connected staring like a fool at him, happiness flooding through your bodies.

“For years I was told I’d never find love because of who I am-“ you begin again still in a whisper, the thoughts of the long dead people who said such cruel things being pushed away by the many memories of your and Daryl.

You push a piece of his long brown hair back from his face, you smile growing big and proud.

“- but I had been looking for love below and above despite all the dead roaming around and then there you were.”

He lets out a small chuckle, one that isn’t filled with malice like old lovers did but one filled with a joy you’ve only seen for yourself.

“Do you?” he asks covering your wondering hands with his, “Because I do, I love you.”

“So many eyes in the world are searching for love and somehow I find you, of course I love you Daryl.”

The two of you laugh together as you kiss again, the set of wings you were stitching onto your jacket fully discarded as the kiss deepens.

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon x plus size reader #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon x nonbinary reader #x nonbinary reader #nonbinary #x plus size reader #the walking dead #the walking dead x reader

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Aunty,

I recently came across a book called Wrath Goddess Sing and while I have nothing against the original premise (showing Achilles as a trans woman) despite how that would not really have worked in those times, it's actually so weird how the author decided to magically turn Achilles into a "real woman" whose beliefs around womanhood center on the ability to give birth and be a mother, which is just insane if you consider that the author is also trans (by making Achilles a bio woman, she's literally erasing what the premise was about and then claiming that it happened either because the Gods knew she wanted it *so much* or because she wanted it "enough" to make it happen which invalidates all other trans folks in the story because they suddenly don't want it "enough"). Apart from that, there are constant homophobic, transphobic and incredibly racist remarks throuought the book which is why it's so weird to see it praised by so many.

Also, the author used the term "kallai" to refer to trans people in Skyros and now some fans of hers are using it to speak of themselves, despite it being plural and despite it not making sense in the way they're using it. F.e. "I'm a kallai/good morning Kallai", which is just peak US centrism (and like the author literally claimed that the female version of "Achilles" was "Achileas" - why don't they do research?).

What I often explain to foreigners when they throw tantrums about people (often Greeks 😄) telling them something is wrong, is that we are not unreasonable. I think most Greeks would just go "hm!" at the thought of someone exploring the thought of a trans Achilles, and we would all realize the problem with this book would actually be the historical/language/societal inaccuracies. Like the cringe I feel when I read the "I'm a kallai/good morning Kallai".

As far the female version of the Achilleas go, we know this to be Achillea ("Αχίλλεια" ), not Achilleas. The author perhaps found a woman named Achilleas ("Αχιλλειάς" / "Αχιλλειάδα"; ) somewhere? But I haven't read or seen that name in any Greek text. Grammatically it also feels "off" to me, (having been exposed to enough ancient Greek grammar) but if someone has found it, pls tell us.

For the lack of research... I don't care how progressive you say are. If you are not doing any research on the culture and language of the people you're writing and you're still making a profit, and no one in the industry cares to check you, that's a form of privilege and you're engaging in harmful - and very much not progressive - behaviors.

And because I had a few discussions with other Greeks and non-Greeks on this let me share something here.

A reaction from Greeks and other people would also be "but Achilles was not trans...?" and yes, that's a normal reaction and it's not linked to American conservatism, sorry to burst the US neoliberal bubble.

While the author has the right to write what she wants, it's still a fact that we don't have any evidence of Achilles being anything but cis. If anything he was the most macho male man out there according to Greek standards and very much happy with his predicament. And when this figure is popular and, well, your ethnic hero, you just want to ask about that. Not in a "I don't want this book to exist" way but you want to ask why did it have to be Achilles, and why a historically cis person.

I'm not saying all this to imply that the author shouldn't write this. Anyone can write whatever they want, and I don't think exploring this scenario is harmful to anyone. But it's fair to assume the author went "I want a trans Achilles no matter what!" And because the ends clearly justified the means here, the character of Achilles and all the themes of the initial story were thrown out the window - which is also not the best thing to do when writing well-known figures and stories from other cultures.

Sure, the premise of "what if Achilles liked being a woman?" is an interesting idea and, if written well, I would read it. However when a writer does all the above it's clear to most people that they just make a far-fetched play-pretend out of myths that cannot be changed - bc they are already written and we preserve them for the last 2.000 years.

Then, you have the... odd (for lack of a better word) tropes. For this specific trans writer the tropes worked and good for her. At the same time I can see why other trans women might have an issue with the transformation into a "real woman". From what I hear, there are trans women who'd like this transformation and others who don't find it validating. And ofc there's always the issue of why Achilles got her wish and what the other trans women did "wrong" to not get it.

With all the paragraphs above I also want to raise an extra issue. Why take a completely cis person and make them trans, instead of writing the story of a historically trans person or creating a new trans character? (if history doesn't have any) Relying on an established cis figure for trans representation can be a bit icky.

"Apart from that, there are constant homophobic, transphobic and incredibly racist remarks throuought the book which is why it's so weird to see it praised by so many." That's also unfortunate 😩 I won't read the book but if you have passages and stuff to demonstrate this point, let me know

#Wrath Goddess Sing #retellings

[frownyalfred]

I follow you because of Borderline, but I've been watching your responses to asks about your a/b/o fic and it sounds like you're really trying to be respectful of the trans experience. So thank you. As a trans person, a/b/o often feels very transphobic. I know some trans people like it but to me it just feels like a way for cis people to trans their blorbos without actually dealing with what it means to be trans because "oh its just a/b/o." Maybe some people can separate the two, but I can't.

I haven't read your fic but im glad to see that someone out there is putting so much thought into this. Also it's hilarious that your solution to the Snyderverse was "fix it with a/b/o."

Cheers

Hi anon! Thank you for popping in -- let me retroactively apologize to you and all other followers who aren't into the a/b/o asks. Please know you can blacklist any of my tags (a sky of honey or a/b/o mention) at any time.

I really appreciate you sharing your perspective here. I've seen the process you mention in action before, and I can see how hurtful that can feel to trans individuals. It's a very blurry area in fanfiction, I'm learning.

I think when I started with that original shitpost, it was genuinely because I thought Bruce's somewhat erratic behavior in BVS was hilariously, if somewhat seriously, better explained by him being a defensive, nesting omega who'd lost a pup. So I teased folks with the idea that knotting would solve the Snyderverse, but it was actually more about Bruce's relationship with his own gender identity and how it interacts with Jason's loss and his mission.

I think, outside of a/b/o smut fics, authors have a lot of trouble when writing about this topic, just because we have to do so much worldbuilding. I'm not saying you have to focus on the universe's discrimination or gender roles if you don't want to, but it's kind of inevitable if you're moving outside of smut. There's just so many implications I keep running into.

Above all else, I want to tell the story I have in my mind in the most respectful and considerate way possible. I want to talk about Bruce's, Jason's, and even Lex's challenges with their dynamics without diminishing the experiences of gender and gender expression others have.

Thank you for sending this ask, and I hope you and any other anons feel comfortable sending questions, criticisms, feedback, etc. I can't promise I'll answer every single one, but I promise I read and consider them.

#asks #anon #trans issues #a/b/o tw #a/b/o mention #myfic #theresurrectionist #a sky of honey

[ckret2]

Ayyy I have the same "every configuration is it's own gender class" headcanon, but I love the extra curveball modifier of "non Euclidean" (plus "I am very secure in my gender but it would take more time and patience than my immediate acquaintance or I can spare at a convenient moment so you get the rundown" is what goes through my noggin when there is pronoun shenaniganry afoot. You may call me miss if there's snow because I become Miss Chief and that's it)

... Wait, how does gender transition work for shapes? Do you paint your sides and call it a Day... OH MY GOD WAS THE CROMATIST MOVEMENT FLATLAND STONEWALL???

I saw a post a few days ago that boiled down to "queer people will tell cishet people 'I'm trans' or 'I'm a lesbian' or whatever but will tell other queer people 'I'm an aromantic bisexual butch demi girl' in the same way that people from small towns tell people from other states that they're actually from the nearest big city: because unless you also live in that area, nobody's gonna know the name of the small town you're actually from."

And that's how shapes explaining Shape Genders to aliens works: just give 'em the simple version, they wouldn't understand the rest. (And also how shapes explaining Shape Genders to extremely cis shapes works; but like, for billions of years Bill has been hanging out with less than two dozen shapes, they know everything there is to know about each other, this isn't relevant to him anymore.)

In the worldbuilding I'm doing, colors were never illegal, so there was never a chromatist movement. In Flatland colors were illegal because the author was writing a satire about Victorian-era social classes and public panic about the visible markers of class becoming muddled; and I'm not writing satire about the Victorian era, so that's not an element I've kept in. But yeah, careful contouring with colors is like using makeup to make your face's bone structure look different and is an option they could have used to alter their appearances, in a post some months ago I compared it to drag king/queen makeup.

I don't know what else would have been involved in transition because frankly that's just not an aspect of the worldbuilding that's interesting to me lmao. For the story I'm telling, the important questions are "what beliefs about gender does Bill (the only shape we'll see much of in the story) still carry in his head a trillion years later" and "how does our main character Bill conceptualize his own identity & how does that affect how he interacts with the world?" I'm not terribly interested in developing the exact mechanics of transitioning available in an eons-extinct civilization we'll only see in dreams and flashbacks.

#about my writing #bill goldilocks cipher #megxolotl #ask #shape gender

[kurokeip]

I keep thinking about how much family means to Kuro, how he's consistently usually the one initiating the entire 'family' thing in Akatsuki and then... danna. There's so much yearning in that stupid nickname and Keito does not even know.

Kuro and his fixation on family and wow his use of an ambiguous term that Could refer to and authority figure but also has familial implications because that's what he wants sooo bad.

This scene is super gay but it's also a little more than that.

He's playing house in his head and he's the Mother, because in his little fantasy world with Keito and Souma he can be a Mother and not a 'Man', for as much as Akatsuki touts it's 'masculinity', it's still a group that doesn't care for it much more than for performative purposes.

Do I think Kuro Suffers from Gender Envy? Yes. Do I think he knows? No. Will he ever Know? I don't think so, but he's having a Time about it.

(Also something to note that while people usually think of transness whenever gender envy is brought up, in this case I'm not implying that he is trans, or that transitioning would be best for him. Although you can run w that too- I like transfem kuro- but cis people can also have Relationships with their gender)

Kuro's gender is like. Big Brother-Mother. it's heavily connected to 'familial roles' and therefore his relationships with other people. So when he positions himself as the 'mother' of Akatsuki, it's more than just cheap queerbait, it's a performance of his gender. He uses 'husband' as a nickname for Keito with a clear implication that he's the 'wife'. One of the biggest reasons he began following Keito is because he was so much 'like a mom', Kuro very clearly aspires to be that way even though he's acknowledged that he'd never be able to reach that revered status if he tried.

It's not a clear cut connection to masc/femininity with him, it's about the connection between those genders and their 'roles' in a household, because family is one of the most important things to him.

I don't think anyone in canon really gets it yet, they haven't connected to dots. At most it'll be used as a lighthearted joke. But Kuro Suffers from toxic masculinity and having that be pushed onto him quite a bit. He associates masculinity with aggression, and fighting. Unlike a lot of the more masculine characters, he prefers to offer 'care' instead of 'protection', a clear lean to what society perceives as more feminine.

Akatsuki as a 'family' is more than just a Fanon thing, it's a genuine source of comfort for Kuro. Writing it off as fanon completely, or a solely detrimental thing feels kind of contrarian for the sake of it.

Anyways that was just my little thinkpiece of Kuro's gender. I think transfem Kuro is fun I think all Kuro gender headcanons are fun but canon has so much for me already, and Kuro is unique in that his relationship to gender is linked not to himself, but to his relationships and enforced roles.

#enstars #ensemble stars #kuro kiryu #do i tag this as kurokei. i said one thing about them. yeah #kurokei #when tengafubu released and kuro talks aboit how his relationship with the idea of a mother directly affected his perception of keito #i will never ever shut up about it #sqrambles

[fallout-lou-begas]

I feel like you've shared your thoughts before on why you don't relate to settings/stories where the process of transitioning is 'solved' through what is functionally a instant button or spell etc and the character then proceeds to not need to interact with their transness again and you much prefer the approach you've taken in IKROAH, but I can't seem it find it. Any chance you know where it is or feel like elaborating on it again?

the short version is that i don't enjoy depictions of trans people who have undergone some form of sci-fi futuristic full-body transmogrification or have taken some fantasy magic transformation potion to become the person that they are (in the context of IKROAH, I used to get asked a lot, "why doesn't Agnes just get a lifetime supply of hormones/her whole body replaced by an auto-doc?") because it's a depiction of trans people that has had transition completely excised out of it. a single perfect procedure that just makes you into who you would have been if you'd been born as the other one instead. this is, to start, really boring. it makes me feel like the author views early transition people, or visibly trans non-passing people in general, as unpleasant or unsavory or otherwise worth just glossing over. meanwhile, i love such people. is there room for them in this world you've created where a perfect cis-congruent body is just one potion away? or where "transition" exclusively happens somehow conveniently off-screen, and when they come back they're all "done"? if you're going to go this route then at least tether it to some very real familiarities: how are these procedures gatekept; what structures exist that allow them to continue being gatekept; what happens to the trans people who cannot access these procedures; how do the people who get these procedures feel about this disparity; etc.

because the defining condition of my life as a trans woman is artificial scarcity. my hormones are constantly getting delayed. electrolysis costs $10,000 and is one of the most excruciatingly painful things on the planet to undergo. i feel like a silly pervert even just thinking about how i'll one day have to explain to an uncaring insurance company that a breast augmentation is actually a necessary procedure. in the meantime i just keep living. sometimes it sucks. it's a lot better than it used to be, because i've got years of experience now, but it still sucks sometimes. this is transition. the constant, perpetual process of becoming and stabilizing where your personal needs and material conditions intersect. it's beautiful and frustrating and means everything to me. these magic sci-fi/fantasy solutions that just "solve" the "issue" of being trans with no drawback, no difficulty, no viscerality, no fragility, they just leave all of these things that mean so much to me completely on the table. shapeshifters and fantasy solutions can make for interesting subtext but trying to make it text just seems so hollow because, like, i'm sorry, but no, this bears zero resemblance to how transition works for real people on the planet earth right now, you cannot have your cake and eat it too

like, in Star Trek, Jadzia Dax can stand in for a lot of trans stuff. she even has to deal, often, with the legacy of her "past identity." but before saying "she's literally trans!", what if the woman's body that the trill was put into was a trans woman, who was transitioning, who is actually literally trans. what if there was an actual literal trans woman on the ship that she could interact with, "compare notes" about such significant "life changes" as it were. i've got huge transsexual feelings about a ton of characters from random shit that just give me vibes or things to think about. and to reiterate i absolutely love transsexual subtext. but i also love it when characters in genre fiction actually put hormones in their bodies sometimes or otherwise live transsexually in settings where that isn't possible with whatever it takes. but the final thing, and this is the most crucial, is that i also don't want any of these literally transsexual characters in genre fiction to ever talk like they know what a BLÅHAJ is.

#asks #gaysteland #louposting

[northern-passage]

Genuine thought as a fellow trans dude, I’ve seen a lot of (obviously non-serious) questions on other blogs about characters’ genitals such as “how does it look like?” and similar, and I think we all know & understand that such questions are extremely inappropriate to ask and (I hope) no one would actually go around asking these questions irl. Idk, I think we should treat trans characters just like cis ones, without any special “precautions”, so to normalise them and not make cis people treat them like fragile boxes, a thing which happens to a lot of us irl. Hope this doesn’t come off as an attack or anything lol.

no worries, i didn't take this as an attack at all. i actually agree with you, that's why i mentioned feeling conflicted about it and also mentioned that i've changed my stance on how i felt about handling Noel and Clementine in game and in explicit intimate scenes.

however, for me the problem comes from the fact that people... don't ask these kinds of questions about cis characters? i suppose people do get cheeky "who is the biggest 🤪" asks but i would hardly compare the two. to be a bit crude, no one is going to be asking if a cis character has a dick or not, or "what does it look like". of course it's natural for people to be curious, and i honestly encourage the open discussion and am happy to see trans bodies being talked about more in a positive way, but not everyone is going to be comfortable with it due to the inescapable transphobia online and in the community. sending me that kind of ask is like sending out an invitation for a debate or a discussion that i don't necessarily want to have. i also just don't think people should default to asking a random IF author on tumblr dot com to describe what bottom growth looks like.

and with most of these asks typically coming from someone who is anonymous, i have no way of truly knowing what the tone is, what their intentions are or why this is being asked - is it another trans person? or maybe someone who is just genuinely curious? or, more likely in my experience, is it someone who is going to immediately follow up this message with something transphobic after i answer? do i want to roll the dice and find out?

so while i agree with what you're saying, it's important to consider the context and the reality we live in. the IF community is not kind to trans people or trans characters. and as a trans person, my first priority is protecting myself and my mental health. so what i mean when i say "precautions," is that those precautions are for me, because i've had to deal with transphobic harassment here for years now, and i try to mitigate it as much as i can. it's also for my personal comfort - again, to be blunt, i'm simply just not comfortable discussing a trans character's genitals with anonymous strangers on the internet. it makes me feel vulnerable.

also i do want to say i didn't mean for any of that to come across as a dig at other authors - if you're comfortable answering those kinds of questions, that's really only something you can decide for yourself. like i said, this is just coming from my own experiences in IF and for my own personal comfort - i have previously talked a lot about trans stuff and gender and sexuality here, when i'm feeling up to it, but it is something that is very draining for me and can also be very upsetting.

basically: i do agree that it's important not to other trans characters or treat them any differently than cis characters, but i also think there are ways to do it that don't require me answering invasive questions or questions that i don't feel comfortable with as a real life trans person, you know what i mean?

#hopefully this better explains what i was trying to say #again no worries anon i've had this exact conversation before with other trans people #and it's something that i don't think has a perfect solution esp with the current... climate #and especially online with the anonymity it makes these topics really touchy. you don't know who is reading this or who is interacting #if it's sincere or in bad faith #things have changed a lot in the IF community for the better but it's still not safe and i always advocate for an author to protect #themself first #back when i started tnp it was not at all common for ppl to list characters as cis #really it was only nb or trans characters that got listed in that way #and it's why i chose not to do that and why i wanted the player to find out lea and merry was trans at the same time as the hunter #same with noel and clem and their privacy #giving them that agency was important to me #and it's still important to me now #but i got a lot of harassment because of that. the lea reveal didnt even end up in game it was on the blog and it was weeks of harassment #afterwards that still makes me anxious to this day whenever i talk about lea's transness #so basically like. it comes down to what someone is comfortable with and what they're mentally able to handle #edit: thinkin abt it more &im going to be honest if someone sent me an ask that said ‘what does it look like’ i would be very Not Happy #like cis people & cis characters do Not get treated that way so why would i allow it for my trans characters #so i stand by saying that these asks are inappropriate like. i obviously dont know the context of what ur referencing #but that’s a hard no from me personally either way #to me as a trans person that question in itself is othering and objectifying #ask #anonymous

[olderthannetfic]

This might be a somewhat controversial opinion/rant, but as a black queer woman (i really id myself as being more genderqueer, but since i'm afab there are just things about womanhood growing up that has just stuck with me as formative experiences.), I find it really difficult to build community with queer men, even in fandom. I've tried to have friendships with transmen, but so many just feel the need to ramp up misogyny to 1000 to validate themselves as men, and then with gay men, some will say the most out-of-pocket, misogynistic things but because they're not attracted to women, it's somehow okay, I guess. But lately, there's been this trend among queer men of saying and doing misogynistic things but justifying it by stating they're talking about white, cishet women. But the thing is, there's nothing in what they said that can be specifically applied to only white women. It's a target to all women (I refuse to play the oppression olympics of who has it worse). And now I see other queer women in fandom saying the same things to each other. I typically stay in anime/manga and danmei fanbases because that's where a lot of my interests are now, and I don't have to deal with USAian nonsense as much. But now that 7 Seas has unfortunately decided to translate more danmei into English that's changed. A queer male fan of a popular series has been unfollowed en masse by danmei fans for saying wildly misogynistic things about the author. Everyone all week has been scrambling to figure out where this came from. "He only ever said these things about cishet white women," but you guys... he was always talking about us the whole time. Now, I just don't know. Now I see why men aren't generally welcomed in or are common within romance-genre circles. It's just really frustrating to see the same thing over and over again. I'll add on that the only genuinely cool queer men in fandom I've met have come from yuri circles. The ones who try to talk about BL are, from my experiences, generally misogynistic, toxic, and feel as though everything should center around them because they're men and in BL the characters are men, as well. But when other women don't want to form community with them, they scream about 'homophobia' and 'fetishizing gay men.' No, you're just an annoying, awful person to be around, and the queer male yuri fans didn't want to deal with you either. Has anyone else, or you specifically, dealt with this? Is there a way to become friends with more queer men in BL spaces who aren't... like That? Or are there specific things/patterns to look for as far as who to avoid?

--

God, so much of this sounds so familiar.

I've known a sad number of trans dudes who overcompensate in dickhead ways. A lot of them do calm down a few years into presenting publicly as male, but it's infuriating to see that crap even if it's temporary.

I will say that two of my close circle of offline friends are trans men, including one who came out during the time we've all been friends. The defensive tomfoolery is in no way inevitable. Both of these dudes are nonwhite and have experience in various other geeky and queer spaces beyond BL (gaming, drag queens, etc.). Maybe that broader perspective helped, or maybe they're just nicer and more mature people than a lot of the little jerkfaces I run across online.

TBH, I often have better luck in offline meetups because to show up at all, people have to be a little more comfortable with getting along with others and behaving themselves. It's also sometimes easier to detect the people you want to back away from slowly when you can see how they treat people in person.

One of my neighbors is a cis gay guy. White, able bodied, middle class, yadda yadda. Exactly the demographic you'd expect to be the worst in certain spaces. He and his partner have lots of queer friends, and plenty of them aren't fellow cis gay guys, which is basically my litmus test for non-annoying cis gay guys offline. (Toxic cis gay dude culture is its own kettle of fish with a different set of issues than defensive trans boy culture, but I've encountered it plenty too.)

This neighbor is interested in geikomi and was delighted to find out I'm a fellow nerd and eager for all my nonfiction book recs about queer Japanese stuff. We don't necessarily overlap in our manga tastes, but there's still a lot we do share. When I ramble on about how AFAB queer people and/or bisexuals study history that's presented as cis gay men's history because that's all we have for most historical periods, he's like "Yeah, that makes total sense!" and not "Mine and not yours!"

I think the key here is that this is a dude who is secure in his identity, who's getting both his media and queer community needs met, and who's in his 40s, so he has some god damn perspective and doesn't need to pretend BL is aimed at him.

A lot of the little jerkfaces make me think "Did your preschool teacher not teach you how to share your toys?"

--

To be honest, there seem to be plenty of dudes hanging around my tumblr. A few cis. Many trans. But they're not going to bring it up incessantly in some defensive "you know I'm not a cootie-having girl, right?" way because who does that?

It comes up when there's a discussion about trans shit or BL as #ownvoices or whatever. (And, in general, any dude worth hanging out with will not think BL as an industry is, or should be, anything of the sort—even if he's expressing his own sense of queerness by writing some.)

On the flipside, I have seen some pretty extreme "no boys allowed" clubhouse nonsense in fandom. It's less common than it was, and past shitty dudes have often been the inspiration, but it can still be a bit much. The nicer class of fandom dude is often pretty hesitant in certain spaces because he's expecting to be met with hostility and is trying to figure out how to participate without tromping all over everyone. (TBH, the guys worrying about this are rarely the problem, but you know how it is.)

I've had dudes send me private messages being like "this thing you said seems kind of stereotypical and anti-man", but in the adult capable of conversation way, not in the tantruming 5-year-old way. And we had a conversation, and they stuck around.

I think having a very clear "It's not #ownvoices, fuck off" stance deters a lot of the more pestilential set. Being equally clear that everyone is welcome and that male yuri fans and female BL fans are pretty equivalent makes the guys worth knowing come out of the woodwork.

In 99% of spaces, I do not give a fuck if some man has his precious feelings hurt by a double standard or default suspicion of men... But fandom is a little unusual because of the demographics and relative power here being so different from in most spaces.

I've definitely seen some people who think women liking BL are fine because we care about characters' personalities, while male fans are all predators or all write f/f that is just fetishy porn or m/m that sounds like Nifty.org and not other fanfic or whatever.

And, yeah, I'll shut down the dumbasses crying in my inbox because I made a joke about Nifty and "coke can dicks" (the kind of guys who have clearly never read m/m that's aimed at dudes outside of fandom spaces), but at the same time, we should extend a little benefit of the doubt to our fellow fandom members of whatever gender. There are usually plenty of men facepalming right along with me at these inexperienced young fools who cannot bear to share.

I think you're just running into the problem that the loud people whose identities you know are often using those identities to browbeat other fans on social media.

--

There are fewer men in BL spaces than women or nonbinary people, so one will typically end up knowing fewer men.

Honestly, I think you find the reasonable people and get rid of the unreasonable ones in the same way regardless of gender: Gatekeeping bullshit is a red flag. Very Online understandings of oppression are a red flag. Enthusiastic and clueless blanket endorsement of own voices as a concept is a red flag. Lots of talking about "fetishization" or even "appropriation" in a very online way is a massive red flag. Monetizing fanfic or seeing other pro authors as competition instead of peers is another. (Professional jealousy and fear about earning potential are behind a lot of bad behavior.)

A lot of it is down to whether you're willing to make yourself a target by publicly telling annoying people to fuck off.

If others can tell what you stand for, they can figure out if they want to hang out with you. Most people keep their heads down a lot of the time, so it can be hard to even hear of them, let alone know if they're your sort of person.

--

tl;dr – Be nice to nice men. Tell shitty men to take a hike. Making friends with men is really as simple as that.

There are larger issues here with what kinds of queer spaces exist and whom they prioritize and with toxic understandings of what representation even means and what should be demanded of whose art. But as you say, a lot of women are also promoting toxic-ass understandings of these things.

The bottom line is that we must resist social media clout-driven understandings of justice. The loudest assholes in the room are rarely worth listening to.

[blorb-el]

saw your post about the things you'd like to see in a superman story and now i'm curious about the nsfw version 👀 if you'd like to share ofc!

mmm. see I have tried not to nsfw on this blog but you know what. fuck it. if famous author vladimir nabokov wrote a horny superman poem and had the absolute temerity to make it good and then send it to the new yorker and ask them to publish it for money in 19fucking42... (x) then i can do whatever i want on my blog

anyway. some Concepts. this turned out as less fic ideas and more personal headcanons. LONG post since i mostly haven’t talked about this. all of these are Free Real Estate if anyone is inspired by them

Even more for nsfw headcanons than sfw, I am above all interested in what the author is interested in. like, choking does nothing for me in and of itself, but everyone was so dang enthusiastic about it that now i'm invested and would absolutely read That Fic

for nsfw headcanons I have two different headcanon versions of clark for any piece of dc media. (yes this is how my brain works. blorbo all the way down). one looks identical to or nearly identical to a human. usually a cis man, however trans man clark also very good. the other has genitals that cannot be mistaken for human, usually some kind of retractable system. plus or minus some good ol' tentacles depending on the vibe. I went a little more into this + the Kryptonian names for such parts here. most of my headcanons are for alien biology clark, but going into a fic I think of any alien biology as a bonus, I don't expect it (there are, after all, a whole bunch of canon panels that go He Looks Totally Human No Xeno Here Guys!!. Every time I see one of these I like to imagine that some poor sucker at DC has seen something they do not like in the alien biology tag on ao3.)

A Clark who looks human I think is fairly well adjusted, he's had sex, he knows what he likes and what he doesn’t even if he may have hangups about asking for it. A Clark pre-serious relationship that doesn't look human, I hc has either not had sex or has only ever had sex with his clothes on and without being touched himself, only giving (for some reason allstar gives me this vibe) (sidenote: i do not mean to imply that this is not a perfectly valid and fulfilling sex life for many people!). he does genuinely enjoy being a service top. he just would also like to be in a relationship with someone who he could trust with his identity...

then he meets Lori in college (lori lemaris, for the uninitiated, is precrisis superman’s hot mermaid college gf, which is a sentence that rules. she should come back in a comic not written by frank fucking m*ller). alien4mermaid. for the first time he’s in a relationship with someone who not only knows that he’s not human but is not human herself. When she has to return to Atlantis it breaks his heart (canon). this ties into my Ideal Superman Timeline, where this is where he leaves college, at the end of his sophomore year, and scrapes together the rest of his degree with remote credits while traveling the world, learning what doing good looks like worldwide, and Finding HimselfTM. however this post is not about that.

that’s the background I usually have in the back of my little brain when I’m writing. Other stuff, mostly superbat but relevant to clois...

despite not having much experience he’s like. annoyingly good at pleasing his partner because 1. i said so 2. he is incredibly focused on their pleasure and 3. he’s got built in biofeedback receptors.

early on i think he absolutely ties himself in knots about wanting something, being allowed to want something, and feeling strange about judging himself for wanting something. the queer experience. man’s on three levels of overthinking. like, i think he enjoys the feeling of holding his partner’s arms down or thighs apart while he’s going down on them, feeling the muscles flex against his hands, knowing he has them pinned, but at the same time feels guilty about liking it.

ultimately he’s pretty vanilla himself, but since his partner’s pleasure is so important to him, he’s open to experiment and try things out.

Again early on, I think this backfires. There are certain things he is really uncomfortable with that i don’t think he’s aware of until they come up. He doesn’t like feeling examined or scrutinized, which I think would come up with Bruce early on in their relationship. Something about an old childhood fear of being looked at too closely. For the first few times, I think he’s more comfortable with the lights off.

dcau. bruce wants to try some sort of roleplay scene involving ropes/bondage and clark goes along with it because he can tell bruce likes it, but at the same time he’s lowkey getting triggered... clark’s very good at hiding stress, but bruce notices and pauses before it goes too far. clark just lies there still as a statue for a few seconds, says the safeword (’pearl’), and just as bruce is reaching out he’s bolted straight out through the window and up and away. bruce feels like garbage. clark feels like garbage. clark comes back once he’s ready, and because bruce doesn’t press for details, clark feels safe enough to choke out a few words explaining that it reminded him of what happened on apokolips with lashina. clark Gets Help. this fixes the ENTIRE dcau from that point on and neither of them die sad and alone in bapmanbeyond.

similarly i know it’s a fic trope but i don’t think he finds depowered/blue kryptonite sex inherently more enjoyable. in my headcanon he’s grown up with his powers - while they can be overwhelming at times, they’re also comforting, and the sudden silence is distracting. Also at any given time when he’s depowered there’s a little voice in his head going ‘what if an airplane has a jet engine failure right now. do you know how many people could die? and you’re doing this to get off? selfish.’ this is a statistical improbability, of course, but it’s bronze age canon he has anxious thoughts like this.

retractable dick very handy in such emergency circumstances. the annoying thing about sex with clark is that it’s very very good 92% of the time but 8% of the time they will be deep into it and then clark will freeze, do the damn head tilt and then WOOOOSH. and his partner can’t even feel bad about it because they’re adults and both understand that saving a life is more important than an orgasm. besides he will make it up to them thoroughly.

he gets WAY better at communicating about sex and desire eventually, but only really with his partner. i think at heart he’s a modest and reserved person, i don’t think he’s ever going to be joining in “locker room talk.” (however AU where he does is incredibly funny)

("praise... 'kink'??? what do you mean praise 'kink.' what do you MEAN. are you people not praising your partners??? ARE YOU NOT LETTING THEM KNOW HOW WONDERFUL THEY ARE??? THAT'S - PEOPLE THINK OF PRAISE AS A KINK?????!!" - a man at the absolute end of his rope. facial expressions going through all five stages of grief.)

leaves hickeys on bruce���s neck, mostly because he wants to and he knows bruce is into it, but also knows the man’s got an inexhaustible supply of turtlenecks. he is aware of exactly where the turtlenecks end and does not leave hickeys higher than that. possessive streak, in a very considerate way, but still.

as he gets more secure and comfortable he loses the jealousy. possibly he enjoys the idea that bruce has so much experience and still chooses him.

if his partner says ‘do what you want with me, i’m all yours,’ i think 9/10 times it’s slow body worship and massage. sometimes not sex, sometimes it’s just too relaxing. it’s an indulgence for him to just be allowed to be slow and present. physical touch is a big love language and once he’s in a relationship he can freely give it, he loves to do just that.

the last 1/10 times is when he’s tired and stressed. he can and will pick up his partner and rail them into the mattress/against the wall/into thin air while floating. this is where the auxiliary tentacles come in handy. he gets them off though even if it’s supposed to be just about him for once, he feels too weird if he comes and his partner doesn’t.

on really really bad days his partner will pick up on how down he’s feeling and will uno reverse card and body worship him and it will make him cry a little

finally here are some panels that made me break out laughing. first off. he can tell just how hard he's getting. ah. impacted.

(action 423) imagine he's the one getting railed and it’s going Great and then all of a sudden he’s just like. “velocity - 4mph. impact pressure - 15ppi.” in his best Broadcaster Anchorman Voice. i think this would be very funny. bruce would be into it lois would NOT, however it would make her crack up laughing, which is what he'd be going for, so everybody wins. he’s a doofus at times and sex is NOT excluded from that

(WF 104) vibrators don't work on him. very sad! however. with superspeed. he IS the vibrator. (supers :handshake: flashes). I don't think he'd be much for toys himself, I think there's something very satisfying to him about body-to-body contact, but if a partner requested them he's happy to indulge them.

#januariat #thanks for the question :^) #you'd think if i could write this much as meta i COULD FINISH MY WIPS HOWEVER. #what do i even tag this as. unhinged. #nsft #superbat

[elijahlittle]

I have been scouring this fucking app for Julian fics, never really occurred to I can just request some lol.

So yeah, if you're up for it I've got a little plot/trope set up that'd id love to see. Outsider(fem)reader/julian.

Something along the lines of a reader moving into the park from the southern us, new to Canada and parks in general. As an outsider, Julian expected you to be trouble or judgemental, so he acts like a dick to you at first. Later on, he starts to see instead how kind you are to everyone, understanding and totally up for doing ppl favors even when there's nothing for you in the end. This makes him feel real guilty for bein an ass to you, and also makes him start to feel other things towards u.. Take the fic in whatever direction you'd I wanna see u work ur magic

( + no pressure 2 write it ofc!!)

pairing: julian/fem!reader fandom: trailer park boys tags: smut (cis man/cis woman), fluff, a bit of angst, idk this is one of my more normal ones, heavy plot some porn (i kind of felt more plot focused with this one), julian is kind of hung (he gives me big dick energy)  author's note: i'm much more of a ricky kinda guy myself but when i got this request, i got really fucking excited. i loved the idea. i will say, this fic isn't structured traditionally. it's very dialogue heavy and kind of leaves some things up to the imagination. i wanted to establish relationships between the reader and other people in the park as well as share some of julian's private conversations about her. i'm really proud of the way this has turned out, though i'm sorry if it's not the interpretation you might have been hoping for (i'm a little insecure about the way i interpret storylines). i hope you like it, though. i worked hard on it and i'm pretty sure it's the longest julian/reader fic currently on the internet so i'm going to take that fucking win rn. also, i actually live in the southern united states. (fun fact: i'm looking to move because i'm a trans man and life here is kind of ass if you're trans), so i gave the reader a backstory that's kind of unique to what a woman in 1999-2000 would have gone through. i'm not satisfied with the ending though, i'm sorry if this fic is a little lackluster, but we can only go up from here i guess. text blocking this shit was a fucking BITCH. word count: 6,442

everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it.

The cultural climate of Sunnyvale Trailer Park wasn't exactly the most inviting. There were people who lived in the park and then there was everyone else. For the most part, newcomers never lasted more than a few weeks. The bottle kids drove away the weakest among them, but if those kids weren't effective usually Ricky's antics drove away the remaining lot. Sure, there were a few people here and there who moved in quietly, but those were usually the kind of people that minded their own business because lot rent was low enough for them to just ignore Lahey.

But in general, new people were not welcome. Especially know-it-all hipsters trying to live the simple life by casting away their possessions in an expensive storage unit and downsizing to a more humble trailer. Those were the kinds of guys that gave up quickly. Plus, new people threatened the balance of park politics. For the most part, Julian was well-liked and well-respected among the others due to his caring nature and dedication to his loved ones. He protected his own. And if there was one thing Julian didn't like, it was newcomers coming into the park without already knowing someone in it.

"Barb, I really think you should reconsider letting this girl in. I mean, you don't even know who she is." 

"Julian, this is a business, not a family estate. Her credit was just below decent, she has an okay-paying job, and paid three months of rent in advance. From a business perspective, she seems like she'll be a reliable tenant. It's a good thing you've grown close with your community, but you have to remember at the end of the day, this trailer park is here to make money. Whatever fit of paranoia you're suffering through, deal with it on your own time. Next time you come here with a complaint, make sure it's a business one." 

And just like that, Barb had shooed Julian off. What more could he say to that? Well, he had a lot more to say to that but she didn't want to listen. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, she only guided him further to the door. If Julian thought he was the one who ran this trailer park, he had another thing coming for him that's what. This dump needed more reliable tenants - normal folks who didn't like to get into trouble. Barb was trying to turn the park's image around.

"Julian, I just don't understand why you're so against this lady stayin' here. You know I'm no fan of newcomers myself, but she's been mindin' her own. She actually keeps her yard clean, which is pretty fuckin' nice if you ask me. It's nice to pass a yard that doesn't have a million fuckin' pieces of trash thrown all over the front. She even has one of those pink fuckin' yard flamingos in her yard. It's so bright and colorful. There ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of color, Julian. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of change." 

"Are you even listening to yourself talk Bubbles? Can you hear what you're saying? You're saying change for this park is good. Who knows what she believes in. She might hate dope growers, she may be workin' with Lahey, she could get nosy and bust us for dope and you know Ricky and I are growin' a lot of dope -" 

"- I know, I've seen that big fuckin' setup you got in that fuckin' trailer in that shitty little lot -" 

"- so then Bubbles you should know that new people aren't good. We can't trust new people, especially not now. Especially not when we're so close to selling them to those prison guards and retiring. A stranger could compromise the whole thing. Remember those bible scammers that came through here? I've learned my lesson since then and I'm not tryna repeat old mistakes." 

"Jesus Murphy Julian, you need to calm down. Those fuckin' assholes were obviously scammers, it's not like this lady is goin' door to door scammin' people." 

"Sure maybe she's not taking advanced orders on bibles Bubbles, but she is goin' in and out of everyone's house doin' favors for them. Why does she need to see the inside of everyone's house? Do you think she's lookin' for something?" 

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's just a nice person doin' a nice thing? Nice people exist. You've been dealin' with dope and crime and jail so much that it's like you forgot how to trust someone. All you think about is dope and how you're going to protect it from everyone else." 

"You're only defendin' her because she brings you boxes of canned cat foods for your cats. She's buyin' you off and you don't even know it." 

"So what if she's helpin' me take care of my kitties? My kitties are the most important things to me and unlike you, she fuckin' knows that. If someone's offering to help take care of my precious little kitties, who the fuck am I to say no?" 

"Bubbles, look -" 

"No, no, nevermind." Bubbles tucks a gray cat further into his arms, his posture becoming more rigid. It's clear that he's done with the conversation, no longer interested in trying to hammer commonsense into Julian's brain. He couldn't see past his own paranoia and it was infuriating. In Julian's mind, everyone in the world was out to get him - even the nice lady across the street who helped his friend support his kitties. "You just don't get it, Julian. I'm goin' back home, come talk to me when you get it." 

Julian was still convinced he was right about this girl. If the bottle kids didn't run you out, he'd just take matters into his own hands. He didn't care whether or not Bubbles helped. Julian was a man of many connections, and even if he couldn't find someone else to get the job done he had no qualms with taking care of the situation himself.

"I mean, if you think that lady's dangerous then you know I'm gonna follow you Julian 'cause you got the brains and stuff behind the projector, but I just gotta let you know I'm still workin' on my grade ten so whatever idea you have you got to make sure it's not illegal 'cause I can't go back to jail, not right before Trinity's birthday. That means we can't do any property damage or breaking and entering or any shit like that." 

"I promise you Ricky we're not gonna go back to jail, we're just gonna annoy the shit out of her until she leaves. I was thinkin' maybe you and Cory and Trevor could host like a really loud party across the street tomorrow night, you know - something to keep her awake. If we get a noise complaint, we'll just shut it down, but then once the cops leave we'll start it back up again. We'll do this for a few nights until she finally decides to move out." 

"That's a pretty fucking good idea, that's smart. Plus, since it's a party we can get drunk and high."

It's 2 a.m. and that fucking party is still going. There were several times you considered calling in a noise complaint but you decided that it was a better idea to just wait it out. It had to end at some point and overall, it was never a good idea to get involved with parties like that because sometimes they got out of a hand, and you were too smart to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Though when you stepped outside to 'check your mailbox' - spy on the party still going on into the early hours of the morning - you find yourself tripping over something. You stumble onto your hands and knees and it's only when you pull yourself up do you really get a good look at the man passed out by your mailbox. It's Ricky, and he's mumbling things almost incoherently. He mutters something about dope, bitches, Trinity, more bitches, Lucy, and good booze. It's a pathetic way to be, but you can't help but feel bad for you.

You use the toe of your shoe to rock his face awake. Ricky sputters before waking up in a drunk panic. He's angry and yelling incoherently, but your promise of a hot shower and a hot sandwich satiates his anger. He struggles his way through a shower, though almost slips a few times. He eats hand to mouth, chewing loudly, and drunk conversation ensues. He shares a lot with you - stuff he probably wouldn't have shared sober. He eventually passes out, not remembering much in the morning. That morning you share breakfast and a little bit about each other. He tried to hate you, he really did, but you were charismatic in a friendly way. There weren't any ulterior motives, you just enjoyed conversation.

"I don't know Julian, she seems fine to me. I mean, she's not all that bad. Her yard is pretty clean and you know, she has that pink little flamingo in her yard and honestly it's pretty fuckin' cute. I mean yeah she's kinda annoying and I hate that fuckin' southern fuckin' cowboy accent she fucking has but whatever. I think you're gettin' worked up over nothin'. You've been so busy tryna push out this lady who hasn't done nothin' wrong to you while I'm over here slavin' away watchin' after these fuckin' dope plants and tryin' to study for my grade ten all while play peepin' tom spy guy on some poor fuckin' lady." 

"You're just saying that 'cause she let you spend the night and made you breakfast."

"You know what I sure as fuck I am! She made me breakfast and kept me from sleepin' on the fuckin' ground drunk as piss and let me use her shower and shit and I didn't even have to put out! It's not like I trust her or anything like that - I didn't talk about dope or nothin' like that at all." That was the truth. "It's just at this point anything is better than fucking Cory and Trevor. I'm not sayin' you gotta like her or trust her, but she's not all that bad Julian. Maybe if you actually got to fuckin' know her like I have you'd see that you're just being a paranoid dickbag." 

"You know what Ricky, you don't anything about her. You're just seeing what she wants you to see. But I'm smart, so I see right through it -" 

"Come on Julian don't be like that -" 

"- and since nobody is going to take care of this fucking situation then I guess I'll have to." 

Julian felt like everyone around him was failing him. Nobody else seemed to feel the same way he did about your existence in the trailer park. As each day passed, Julian grew more overtly snide. When approaching Ricky and Bubbles, Julian never took the time to acknowledge you. It was obvious that he was just being an ass, so you opted to ignore it, preferring not to fight. Silence was Julian's strongest weapon. But as the days ticked by, the tension between you and Julian only seemed to mount itself higher.

It's not like you inherently disliked Julian. In fact, you liked to believe that there was good in everyone and you prided yourself in your ability to be able to pull even the toughest people out of their shell. However, Julian was no easy project. Every time you tried to approach him, he simply brushed you off. You weren't even sure that the two of you had even exchanged any greetings. He hadn't even said hello. So when trying to talk to him didn't work, you simply tried to stay out of his way. This was frustrating for Julian because what he wanted you to do was to blow up and make it a big ordeal. But you didn't. You simply kept to yourself and resumed helping others around the park without complaints. 

There were times where Julian thought about approaching you in the way Julian thinks about approaching any pretty thing in a summer dress that talks to him. But he remains strong in the face of adversity. Gone were the days of chasing anything in a dress. He had a dope business to worry about.

But sometimes the thought would creep up onto Julian ever so slowly. Sometimes, he'd get this kind of fantasy in his head - especially on the Sunday afternoons you'd spend gently pushing yourself back and forth in your rocking chair, enjoying the summer sunlight. He could think of a million ways you two could enjoy the afternoon together, but he often pushed the thought out of his head. He had a park to protect. Friends to protect.

"You know, you have some real nerve comin' up here in this trailer park and putting on a show like you're doing." 

You look up from the rocking chair you were gently pushing yourself back and forth in and offer Julian a small smile.

"So you're Julian?"

Julian can't help but be a bit enamored with your slight southern drawl. It sounds like you're somewhere from the deep southern United States - one of those more rural provinces like Texas or Alabama. He can't quite pinpoint the accent, but he secretly finds it endearing.

"And how do you know that?" 

"I mean, with how much you do for the people here it's kind of hard not to know who you are. Plus, Ricky and Lucy both never seem to shut up about you. You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say they're both in love with you or something. Also, yesterday you came to pick up Ricky and he pointed right at you and said well, there's Julian, see ya later. I just put two and two together." 

"I'm not here to make small talk, (name)." 

"Then what are you here to do, Julian?" 

There's silence. What is he here to do. There wasn't anything that he could reasonably do and he wasn't the terrorizing type if he didn't have to be. Fuck, he had even promised that his greasy trouble-causing days were over. But here he was, standing at the edge of the patio stairs, contemplating whether or not he should threaten a woman.

"I'm just here to ask you about your intentions with Ricky, that's all." 

You can't help but laugh out loud at the comment. "Oh, please. There's nothing going on between us." 

Julian knows that because if there was something going on between you and Ricky, Ricky wouldn't shut up about it and the whole park would know. But he's trying to be covert about his intent to interrogate you.

"Yeah, well . . . there better not be . . . Ricky's a good guy and I'd really hate to see him get hurt . . ." 

"Why are you really here, Julian?" 

Julian stands in silence, thoughtfully cradling his glass in his hand as he tries to come up with a clever lie - but it's hard to think when he catches a glimpse of your thighs pressed together underneath your thin summer dress. He squints and then looks away briefly.

"I just wanted to stop by and tell you more about the culture of Sunnyvale. You know, we're really tight-knit. Like family."

"I know." 

"And you know, family protects family." 

"I know." 

"And you know, I'd do anything for my family." 

"I know." 

"Anything." 

"What are you getting at?" 

"I'm not getting at anything, (name). I'm just givin' you a little more info about our park, just trying to get acquainted with you." 

"Oh, you're trying to get acquainted with me? This is the first time I've spoken to you in the month I've been living here." 

"Well, you know, I was busy with the business I'm running -" 

"- that lawn mowing business you and Ricky got?" 

Is that what Ricky is calling it? "Yeah, we've had a lot of customers so I've been having to do a lot of bookwork to keep up with the business you know. But it's been busy, so I haven't had time to talk, but now I do and I want to get to know you." 

"You want to get to know me?" 

"That's what I just said isn't it?" 

"Well I'll tell you what Julian," You push the chair backwards in thought, looking up at the bright summer sky. The sun shines in your face, warming your skin. It's a nice feeling. "If you really want to get to know me, you'll come over for dinner tonight." 

Julian wasn't going to admit it but he was excited at the prospect of dinner. The last time he shared time - much less a meal - with a woman, she ended up stealing his dope plants and lying to him about being in love. In all fairness, most people would have been wary of someone saying I love you within the first week of getting to know them, but Julian (for the most part) was a hopeless romantic. He liked the idea of a life with someone else. 

Julian told himself that this was strictly business - that he was here to set the record straight. This wasn't get-to-know-you dinner, this wasn't a date. He was just here to let you know that he wasn't going to tolerate funny business. He just happened to be wearing his nicest clean black shirt and he just happened to be wearing one of his nicer pair of jeans - the ones that didn't have the holes in them. Julian knocks on your door. The two minutes he waits for you to answer feels like an eternity but when you open the door, he's glad he's waited. 

"You got a hot date you're going to after this?" 

"What, this?" You look down at the pink summer dress you're wearing, "This is casual." You had always been the more feminine type, enjoying softer clothes and pretty dresses. Plus, unlike jeans dresses were more comfortable. You usher him inside and he obliges, being careful to not spill his drink when he steps in. 

"Dinner is served." Dinner being a massive fucking bowl of macaroni and cheese with cheap ass hot dogs. "Sorry it's not exactly the best, but -"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Julian sets his glass down. He's actually ecstatic. Macaroni and cheese and fucking hotdogs? "You know, I don't know where you're from but around here this is a five-star meal." 

You give a dry laugh. as Julian picks up his fork to eat. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm kind of new to the whole trailer park life and the whole being poor thing." 

"Oh yeah? Where are you from?" 

"Southern United States." 

"What state?" 

"Texas." 

"That's a long way from here, basically on the other side of the continent. Why'd you come up this way?" Julian tells himself that he's not trying to get to know you because he's interested in you - he's trying to get to know you to get dirt on you, to know what he's up against. 

"I needed an abortion." You answer dryly, "And even though it's been legal for some years now, no physician was wiling to perform one on me." 

"Why come to Nova Scotia? Why not just go to another state?" 

"Well, I figured things were just better here than they were there. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect by any means but it's better than where I was from. At least here I know if I need the service again, it's a little more reliably accessible. Plus, it's not like I had anywhere or anyone I could turn to. So I just kind of . . . stayed." 

"Heavy stuff." Julian sets down his fork, "Didn't have any family to turn to?" 

"No, and even if I did they're not the kind of people I'd want to be around." 

Julian could relate to that.

"So you just came to Canada for an abortion and then decided to stay? You know, when Americans come to Canada they want to go to Quebec. Nova Scotia isn't exactly on the top of the list, let alone Dartmouth. Let alone fucking Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Nobody just moves in here. Come on, (name) . . . what's the real reason why you're staying here?" 

Your mouth runs dry as you consider answering him honestly. "Well, uh . . . you know . . ." You twiddle your thumbs a bit, "I came to Canada with my passport and got my abortion and then . . . I just uh . . ." There's a long pause as your appetite disappears completely. "I didn't have anywhere to go to so I just . . . never left . . . this place was the only place that'd rent to an illegal resident . . ." 

"Holy fuck you don't have your papers?" Julian wasn't sure what kind of story he was expecting but it wasn't that. Now he feels like an asshole. "How did you get a job? How did you even afford this place?" 

"Well, I had some savings so that was a good cushion, but when that ran out I was able to find a job working as a waitress at that little restaurant just out of town. I'm not technically on the payroll, they just don't make me report my tips, and any extra money is kind of . . . earned under the table." You respond sheepishly.

God, Julian feels like such a fucking jackass for being a raging asshole to you. 

"That's . . . hard." Julian doesn't really know what else to say.

"Yeah." 

"Well, I've shared my deepest darkest secret with you. Do you want to share anything with me?" 

You and Julian talk well into the early hours of the morning, swapping life stories, funny anecdotes, and talking about all of the small things in between. Honestly, he feels at ease with you in a way he hasn't felt at ease before. The conversation flows naturally and even the silence you occasionally fall into feels comfortable. It's nearly two in the morning when you both look at the small clock hanging on your wall and realize the time.

". . . well, it's a little late . . ." You stretch in your chair, still sitting across the table from Julian. You don't really want him to go, but you've both run out of things to talk about and you still have some errands you have to run before work tomorrow. "You know, I have some things I gotta do tomorrow . . . but if you're feeling nice, maybe you can pay me back for dinner by making some for me. I'm usually too tired to cook when I get home . . . you know, only if you want to." 

It's hard for Julian to say no to that face.

"What time do you get off work?"

. . .

Julian continues to insist that he doesn't feel some kind of way, that he's just taking the opportunity to really get to know you - you know, in case you ever pose a threat - but the nightly dinner-dates seem to differ. 

"Why is it so hard to admit that you have a hard-on for (name)? It's so fucking obvious." 

"It's not like that Ricky. You know, I have somewhere to be so why don't you just fuck off and give me some fucking space?" 

"Oh yeah I know exactly where you want to be, all up in -" 

The truth of the matter was that even though Julian fantasized about it at night, truly nothing had happened. You were sweet, kind, intelligent, patient, compassionate - a truly wonderful person. And that was the problem. Normally, Julian found himself happy to jump into a relationship, but he found himself afraid of making a fool of himself. Guys like him didn't get with girls like you. Simple as that. Besides, love just wasn't in the cards for Julian. It just never worked out like that.

Tonight was yet another night of disappointment. You had lingered on Julian's doorstep after dinner, hoping that maybe he'd make a move and at least give you a kiss goodnight - but the two of you simply stood there awkwardly until he nodded, saying he was probably going to go off to bed now. It was frustrating because you thought you were sending all of the right signals. Light touches, flirtatious giggles, risque comments - the works. But yet again, you find yourself leaving empty-handed. It wasn't that you weren't satisfied with the friendship, you really liked the dynamic the two of you had. You liked that Julian showed you ways to save money, ways to spruce up the trailer home so it felt more roomy, showed you around town a bit - but it left you feeling a bit stupid because you could have sworn the two of you had something more. You could just feel it. But he never addressed it and it drove you crazy. 

You knock on the door nervously, your hands shaking.

Julian answers the door again. "What's going on?" 

"I don't want to go home just yet. This is about the time J-Roc films his adult films. Can I just sit here for thirty more minutes? He usually finishes up around one in the morning or so." 

"Uh, yeah, sure, come on in. You can hang out here. I have to shower because, you know, I got somewhere to be in the morning -" Tomorrow was the day he was supposed to drop off the product with the prison guards, "- normally I'd wait up but I got some important stuff I gotta take care of tomorrow. I'm about to get ready for bed, so you can just leave whenever you're ready."

"Alright." 

You find yourself sitting awkwardly on the couch as Julian disappears into the bathroom. The trailer shakes a bit when he turns on the water and you can hear the pipes rush before the water falls like rain into the tub. You sit in silence and contemplate. You couldn't keep going back and forth like this, it'd get nowhere. He had hinted a few times at maybe having feelings. Sometimes his hand would linger on the small of your back too long when he was moving past you, or he'd stand too close to you - so close your shoulders would touch - whenever he got the chance. But nothing would ever come of it, and you were tired of it. You think about maybe joining him in the shower but that's too ballsy of a move, so you simply sit there and listen to the shower run until it's turned off. There's more shuffling and you can hear him go into his room. The hallway light turns off and the door clicks close. You should probably get going by now, but you can't bring yourself to just leave.

. . .

You feel like a psychopath drifting down the hallway. You only came down here to use the bathroom, but now you were standing at his bedroom door - contemplating whether or not you should knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Ricky, is that you? I told you to stop picking my fucking lock -" 

"No," You answer meekly, "It's me. I uh, wanted to take that book back I lent you before I went home. I didn't see it in your living room so I figured you might be keeping it in here." 

Julian stares up at the ceiling in thought. Julian is pretty book-smart and it doesn't take a genius to know the game you're running. He's been down this road a thousand times. He wants to say yes, but there's still the lingering fear of ruining the good friendship that's already there.

Julian turns his head to look at his nightstand, the small paperback book sat there. Shit, maybe you weren't playing any games.

"Yeah, give me a moment, I'll come bring it to you." 

"You don't have to go through that trouble, I'll just come get it real quick . . . if that's alright with you." 

". . . that's alright with me." 

You gently push the door open, slipping through before gently closing the door behind you. You can only see the outline of Julian's body in the dark, a few shadows illuminated by the moonlight that drifts in through the blinds. 

"It's right over here." You see the shadow of Julian's hand reach over and grab the thick book. Infinite Jest.

"I'll come get it." You pull yourself up onto the bed, you're knees on either side of his feet. Gently, you shimmy your way up, crawling over him on your hands and knees. Julian shifts a bit. Both of your breaths are heavy and as you sit yourself comfortably on his waist, you watch his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. Gently, you pluck the book from his hand. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." Julian's voice is barely over a whisper.

You thumb through the thick book, landing on a page barely illuminated by the moonlight, reading the page you've thumbed to. "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." Truer words have never been spoken. Like everything in life, Julian has sunk his fingernails so deep into it he's drawn blood. He likes to pretend he can let things go, but he can't. 

Julian's hands gently grip at your hips, squeezing them softly - almost like he's afraid that if he squeezes too tight he'll hurt you. His fingers grip at your waist, gently pushing your hips backwards, guiding them in a gentle rocking motion against him. Your hips follow the movement of his hands, rocking against him with a pleased hum.

"Is that right?" Julian asks in a whisper.

"That's right." You respond gently.

"Me included?" He can't hope that you want him so bad that you'd sink your nails so deep into him that he'd never be able to leave you, even if he wanted to. And even if you wanted to leave him, he'd probably stay around and beg for you to take him back anyway.

"If you'll let me." 

If he wasn't rock hard before he's rock fucking hard now. "I want you." Julian's voice is hoarse, completely contradicting his typically firm and masculine present. He melts under you. Whether he wanted to believe it or not, Julian was a romantic and the touch of a woman he really valued meant a lot to him. His breath is labored as he guides your hips against him, "Please, I want you." 

If this were someone else in the park, it'd be a different story. Sleeping around with people in the park for Julian wasn't about emotions, it was about releasing a physical need, and when you can't keep a boyfriend sometimes you have to turn to your neighbors for some help. Everyone slept with everyone. But you're not them, this isn't just casual for Julian - he doesn't want to fuck it up. He shudders when your fingertips drag across his chest, tracing patterns and circles into his shirt as you rock against him, grinding your hips downwards to create more friction. You're a tease, you take your time, and he hates it but he loves it. Two large hands reach up to cup your breasts over your shirt gently, His hands trail downwards, over your abdomen, grabbing gently at your stomach for a short moment before finding themselves at the hem of your shirt. 

"What are you waiting for?" You ask him between small breaths, still making rhytmic riding motions. It's a softly-asked question but also a plea for action. "Please, Julian. I've wanted this since the moment I saw you." 

"God, fuck you're so fucking hot." It's like a flip switched in his head and he can't hold himself back anymore. Strong hands placed firmly on your hips flip you onto your back. Now he's on top of you, every part of him everywhere. His lips touch yours in a kiss, teeth pull at the skin of your neck, and tongue sooths the freshly bruised areas by rubbing itself on it in small circles. Like always, he can't help himself, and unlike recently, he stops wasting time.

Your shirt is the first thing to come off - Julian helps shimmy it off of you, throwing it to the side. The next thing to come off is your pajama pants, which he also tosses to the side after helping shimmy it off of you. He has half a mind to compliment the pretty color of your underwear and tell you it looks good on you, but he doesn't pay it any mind since it's about to come off anyways. His hands lift you up by the small of your back just long enough for him to unclasp your bra, letting you fall back down onto the bed. His hands hook underneath your knees, lifting them up and pushing your legs up so he can help slide your underwear easily off of your body. You're left naked under him while he remains fully clothed, lowering himself onto you before you can complain that he hasn't undressed yet.

His thumbs roll against your nipples, gently pinching and pulling at them before taking them into his mouth. Julian has never been the most gentle lover, especially when he gets excited, always eager to take matters into his own hands - but that's part of his appeal.

Kisses trail down your stomach, followed by him dragging his tongue along the skin, pushing your legs apart. He takes his time adorning your inner thighs with kisses, sucking on the skin and taking it between his teeth. He likes the way he makes you whimper and moan, it's intoxicating. But eventually the teasing becomes too much even for him, he's growing impatient, so he lends his tongue to you, circling it around your clit, strong nose pressed into sensitive skin.

Your body writhes as you feel a familiar pressure build in your abdomen, thighs tightening around his head so tight he thought he might suffocate. What a way to go that would be. Your fingers curl into his short hair, gripping and pulling at his hair while your toes curl. You whimper but that only encourages him to slowly push his thick index finger into you, followed by a second after you properly adjusted. His mouth and fingers work in tandem, his fingers curling and pressing inside of you in a come hither motion while his tongue continues to stroke your clit.

"Fuck, Julian, god, fuck -" But before you can climax, he's gone - pulling away. If Julian enjoys anything, it's edging. There's just something about bringing a woman to climax and leaving them nearly in tears that turns him on. 

"You look disappointed." Julian catches a glimpse of your lopsided frown illuminated in the moonlight, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." His shirt is pulled over his head, exposing his bare chest. When you touch the muscle, it's firm from years of consistent working-out. You trace a tattoos that look like they were done with a sewing needle and ink - probably stick and poke tattoos - but Julian frowns. He doesn't like those tattoos, he's not proud of them and he's not proud of his time spent in jail. But you only offer him an encouraging smile and place your palm over the tattoo before dragging your hand down to his belt, pulling at the buckle. Julian offers you a half-hearted smile. "Can't wait?"

Julian pushes your hand out of the way gently, taking his time to unfasten his belt and slowly pulling it through the loops. The belt is tossed to the side, along with his pants and underwear, leaving you both equals. Two hands hook themselves underneath your knees, placing your ankles on his shoulders while he uses his right hand to stroke his cock a bit, helping to harden himself up more. Sometimes the nerves just get to you.

"Holy fuck Julian you're big, you gotta be careful with that thing you're carrying a whole fucking concealed weapon -" 

Julian chuckles a bit at the comment but presses a gentle kiss to your ankles. "I'll be careful with you if that's what you're trying to say." 

The tip is pushed in slowly with great discomfort, pushing himself in. There's a stiff moment of silence as you let out a labored breath. 

"You good?" he asks.

You nod, dragging your teeth over your bottom lip. Julian takes his thumb against your bottom lip, peeling it out from underneath your teeth. His thumb drags your bottom lip down, exposing the inside of it before pushing his thumb into your mouth. Your lips wrap around his thumb, letting your tongue slide against the skin, sucking on the appendage as he pulls out just a bit, repositioning himself before he thrusts back in. Your body pushes upwards with the motion, head pressing against the headboard slightly. His thumb is still pressed in your mouth while his free hand keeps hooked underneath your knee, pushing it backwards so he can angle himself better - each thrust pushing itself deeper inside of you. Sweat coats his chest and runs down the side of his face, abdomen flexing the closer he gets to coming, but he restrains himself - wanting to ride it out for as long as he could. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." 

"Oh, God, Julian -" 

"Fuck, (name)." 

"Julian -" 

"(Name), (Name), (Name)." 

"I heard you did a real good job of running that girl out of the trailer park last night, Julian." 

"Hey, Barbara, why don't you fuck off?" 

#julian tpb #tpb julian #tpb ricky #trailer park boys #tpb #ricky lafeur #julian x reader #julian x reader tpb #tpb bubbles #tpb ricky and julian #ricky tpb #julian x you tpb #trailer park boys reader insert #tpb reader insert