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simeons-sinful-saint · 3 years

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Summertime Happiness

(OM) Boys (excluding Simeon, Solomon) x GN!Reader

Synopsis: the beach episode

WC: 3.2k

Note: it’s summer, and I miss the beach. I really want to go so I projected it here. I will say this is a part one bc I plan on writing smut for part two and you get to pick which ending you want. For example, you could pick to spend the night with Diavolo or you could choose Mammon. I’m challenging myself to write for each character so we’ll see how that goes.

“Beach! beach! Beach!” Mammon, Asmo, and Levi were chanting in the back of the car.

“Guys, we’re not even halfway there.” You groaned. They had been like that ever since you got to the human world. They then started squabbling about what to do. Mammon then tried to steal Levi’s tablet. Asmo seemed to ignore them completely.

“This would be our first human world beach! Of course, we’re excited. Just think of all the photos I could post.” Asmo was gleeful, the main person who suggested this trip.

“Well can you guys keep it down. I’ll turn this car around if you don’t!” They shut up, leaving you able to concentrate on the road, “You guys are lucky that Lucifer is in the other car.”

“I didn’t know you could drive MC.” Satan was in the front seat next to you.

“Of course! I’ve been driving since I was 16.”

“I’m sure you could teach Mammon how to drive safer.”

“Oi! Quit insulting me!”

“Honestly, why couldn’t Belphie be in my car. He’d just sleep.” You grumbled under your breath.

“I still don’t understand why Diavolo would want to come here when he has a beach of his own. Besides the beach is stupid.” Satan was now complaining. The choir in the back started up again, and you could feel the headache develop.

Instead of listening to them, you turned the music up to drown out the noise they were making.

That’s when Barbatos gave you a call. You answered it hands free, “hello?”

“MC, it seems the young lord would like to visit the nearest rest stop. He wants to see a human world gift shop.”

“There will be gift shops at the beach!”

“You don’t understand MC! I heard rest stop gift shops offer a wide variety of trinkets that the state offers.” Diavolo sounded too excited for you to say no.

“Also, Beel ran out of food, and we don’t want him to rampage in the car.” Lucifer sounded annoyed, probably because he got put in the back seat since Barbatos was driving.

“I’m hungry…” you could practically hear Beel’s stomach growl from the backseat as well.

“I suppose we need to fill the cars up with gas as well. There should be a rest stop at the next exit.”

“Understood. We’ll follow you to the rest stop of your choice.” Barbatos hung up. The music resumed. Hopefully, they didn’t hear the commotion from the back of your car.

You pulled off the next exit to arrive at a big gas station/truck stop. Parking your car at a pump, the others got out of the car to stretch their legs.

“You guys go ahead and get some snacks or drinks. Make sure to get me one too. The others should show up shortly.”

They walked into the shop thankfully not arguing. Barbatos shortly pulled in at the pump opposite of your car.

They also got out, and Diavolo practically ran to the shop with Beel following behind him.

“Lucifer, please don’t let them get into any trouble. That’s the last thing we need.” He nodded already looking annoyed. Upon inspecting their car, you could see Belphie peacefully sleeping in the back seat.

Barbatos walked over with a map consulting you on the best route to the beach. Their D.D.Ds didn’t have human world GPS, and of course, they didn’t have any human world phones to access it (and you weren’t planning on buying a new phone.) With a pen, you highlighted the route after consulting your GPS. You knew that Barbatos wouldn’t get lost behind you, but it was nice having this assurance.

Barbatos then turned around and excused himself from your discussion, heading towards the gas station shop. You tended to both of the cars, making sure that they were filled up and ready to go.

When you saw all of them come back to the car, Mammon was thrown over Barbatos’s shoulder.

“Put me down!”

“I’m sorry MC, but Mammon will be riding with us now.” You didn’t even want to know. Beel now was in your car, which solved part of the headache that was going on.

Lucifer simply texted you:

Mammon tried to steal

You knew that Mammon was going to be harshly punished in Barbatos’s car which he deserved. The last thing y’all needed was for the cops to come and arrest Mammon.

You noticed how many bags of souvenirs Diavolo was putting in the back of the car. It looked like he swept the store clean of everything. Same with Beel but with food.

“Beel, please make sure to not get food everywhere in my car. My parents would kill me if I ruined their seats.” He nodded and kept chowing down on the bag of chips he got.

Satan just shook his head and handed you a granola bar and a soda. Thankfully someone remembered to get what you asked for.

You all loaded the cars back up and set off once more. This time your car was quieter, and you were so thankful for that on the rest of the way to the beach.

—

“Finally! We’re here!” Asmo exclaimed when you parked the car at the condo y’all would be spending time at. Barbatos shortly pulled in next to you.

They got out of the car and met up with you, “We’ll need rolling carts for all of our luggage and supplies. They should be in the lobby’s office.”

Lucifer and Barbatos left to go fetch them and check in to the condo for you.

It was surprisingly easy to get all of the suitcases, beach supplies, and coolers up to the room. You made sure to get a big condo so everyone could get their own room (saved yourself the headache of who will be rooming with who.)

“Alright everyone, time to set up the ground rules!” You gathered everyone to the common room, “Make sure you all remember your human world names. Please do not stray too far from the others. We do have the beach for ourselves here, but the public beach isn’t too far from here. Please be careful to not wander that way. We have an itinerary for dinner and free times. Please do try to behave yourselves over the week we are here. Other than that, we’ll have fun!”

They all agreed and left to go unpack their stuff.

“I really hope we can get through this without any trouble. We’re spending too much money being here instead of being in Devildom.”

—

The sand was nice and warm. The sunlight danced over the waves, making the ocean sparkle. Lucifer and Barbatos already got the umbrellas and beach chairs prepared, so all the rest had to do was get into swimsuits.

Running out to settle down on a chair basking in the sunlight was your first objective.

“MC, you need to apply sunscreen before you sit out in the sun.” Barbatos walked over with the spray on sunscreen.

“Right. I forgot.”

“MC, I can help you put on your sunscreen!” Asmo ran over to you, “Then you can rub it all over my body.”

“Oi! If anyone is going to rub sunscreen on them, it’s going to be me. I’m their first so I have that right!” Mammon was quick to swoop in and grab the bottle out of Asmo’s hand.

“You can’t use that excuse every time. Especially since you’ll never admit how you feel.” Satan was the next one to take the bottle.

“I-I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, you know you’re a simp.” Levi came up to y’all, “O-Of course I will apply sunscreen on you MC. Who am I kidding you’ll never pick me.” You could hear every mumble under Levi’s breath.

“What on earth are you all doing?” It was Lucifer, “they are perfectly capable of putting sunscreen on themselves.”

“But their back! They couldn’t possible read that part,” Asmo flirted, “and I’m the perfect person.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes and took the bottle out of Satan’s hands, “I’ll put on your sunscreen MC”

“No fair! How come you get to do it?” They started to whine. Honestly at this point you didn’t care who put it on you.

“Thank you, Lucifer,” you turned your back towards him so he could apply the lotion on you. Feeling his hand run up and down your skin did feel nice.

The others continued to bitch at Lucifer about it.

“Haha! Your brothers are lively as always.” Diavolo stood next to Lucifer, who only sighed at his comment.

“I’m afraid so.”

Now that everyone was prepared, Mammon, Asmo, Levi, and Beel ran towards the water. Belphie was already asleep on a beach chair. Satan sat next to him with a book in hand. Diavolo was forcing Lucifer to build a sandcastle with him, while Barbatos helped by carrying buckets of ocean water.

A smile grew on your face as you ran towards the ocean yourself with a floaty, finally able to relax and play with everyone there.

When entering the nice warm water, you’re immediately dunked in. Rising back up,

“Mammon! You ass!” You move your hair out of your face.

“It’s ok MC, he did the same to me. He has a death wish,” Asmo looked furious. Every time he’s swim close to Mammon, he would simply swim away.

“Didn’t peg you as a good swimmer.”

“The great Mammon can do many things!” His laughter was infectious, and your anger fizzled out as you see the brothers chasing each other.

“Ugh, what normies.”

“What did you expect to do out here Levi?”

“Well you see I saw in this anime called A Trip to the Beach turns into a romance story and-“

“Forget I asked. I’m surprised that Mammon didn’t dunk you.”

“The water doesn’t scare me.”

“Makes sense. You do kind of control water. I guess this would be the best place to summon Lotan, besides the fact this is a human world beach.”

“Hahaha. I have no plans of doing that. My Ruri-Chan towel and bag would get soaked, and I don’t want that.”

“Right…”

You then heard eating sounds in your ear. Turning around, you see Beel mouth full of fish, “You can’t just eat the marine life here!”

“But I was hungry…”

“Then go to shore and grab some of the food we brought down here!”

Beel took you up on that offer as soon as he finished devouring the fish he caught with his bare hands. You just prayed he left something for the rest of you, lest you have to go back to the condo and get more.

Mammon quickly swam back and hid behind your back, practically using you as a shield.

“Don’t use MC to protect you!” Asmo was coming in hot. You dunked yourself under the water for Asmo to finally catch Mammon and push his head in the water.

Upon both of you returning to the surface, you shook your head to get the salt water out of your ears.

“You pushed too hard Asmo!” Mammon bitched.

“You brought this upon yourself!”

“Can you both shut up? I’m trying to fantasize about Ruri-Chan.”

“Stay out of this otaku!” They both shouted at the same time. Levi clammed up.

“Of course, they think I’m some weird gross shut in…”

“Oh Levi, that’s not true. Just let those two idiots fight and dunk each other under water. Let’s go back to shore and hunt for seashells!” He felt better from your words. Grabbing the floatie that seemed to be abandoned (you’re glad it didn’t float away into the sea), you both swam back and went to dry yourselves off.

Beel was devouring all of the food in the coolers you brought.

“Satan! Why didn’t you restrain him?”

“Huh, it’s not my job to keep Beel from eating everything. That’s Belphie’s.” You glanced to see that he was asleep basking in the summer sun.

“Of course.” You turned your attention back to Satan, “why don’t you come with Levi and I to hunt for seashells?”

“No.” It was immediate and caught you off guard, “I’m at the climax of this book, and I’ll do beach stuff when I’m done. Except go into the water.”

“Still don’t get it, but whatever.”

You grabbed the necessary supplies to gather seashells, and you made your way back to the shoreline with Levi by your side.

“Let’s see if we can find one that’s not broken! I’d love to get to a nice cone shaped one” Levi cheered up.

So far, you’ve only found broken sand dollars and pieces of broken corral, “well this isn’t great.”

“Oi! Why you hogging MC all to yourself?” Mammon always knew how to ruin a moment.

“Hey, Mammon~”

“Y-yeah?”

“You want a dollar?”

“Yes! Giving money to me is an investment-“

You simply placed a sand dollar in his hand causing Levi to practically die, howling about how you got him good.

Mammon just stood there looking like he could turn to dust at any moment. You couldn’t help but laugh.

Satisfied with your haul, you and Levi placed the bucket of shells back at the beach chairs.

“Still reading Satan?”

“Yes, and it’s getting good so leave me alone.” You roll your eyes in response. Levi said he would chill with Satan in the shade, something about getting his daily log on bonuses.

Shrugging, you turn on the group you hadn’t visited yet.

“Lucifer! Diavolo! How’s the sandcastle coming?”

“Well…I tried making a sand sculpture of Lucifer, but it doesn’t look anything like him.” Diavolo pouted. Upon looking at the pile of sand, you tried to hold back your laughter. If this was supposed to be Lucifer, then Asmo should really give him a makeover.

“The important thing is you tried Diavolo,” Lucifer tried to hide his annoyance, but of course he was bad at that (he would never admit it though.)

“Maybe we should take a break, my lord.”

“I guess so.” You felt bad and patted Diavolo on the back.

“You’ll get it right the next time you do it. Here why don’t I show you something humans do on the beach!”

Diavolo perked up, and the three of them followed you back to the shaded umbrella where their beach chairs were. You sauntered off and grabbed four bottles of beer and a bag of limes you cut up earlier (thankful that Beel didn’t eat them.)

You handed them the beer as well as a bottle opener, “Ok, so typically on the beach with this brand of beer, you push a lime into the neck of the bottle. It helps add flavor to the drink of the summer here.”

You demonstrated for them, even though Barbatos was a step ahead of you anyway. Diavolo looked at it all with wonder, taking a sip after preparing it, “Fascinating! Is this really what humans do?”

“Some. I like to do it when I go to the beach. It’s nice and relaxing. Plus, the advertising says to do this.”

“I do have to say, it does add a little aromatic flavor. However, I’ll have to decline drinking more than I already have.” Barbatos handed the bottle back to you. Even though you knew he had his reasons, it bummed you out a little.

“Well Lucifer! What do you think?” Diavolo turned towards his friend who was happily drinking his.

“Honestly, I needed some sort of break after being in the sun for so long.”

“Well, I’m glad I was able to help.” Lucifer smiled at your response, praising you about how you’re always a help to everyone.

You sat down next to them on the sand and just took in the calmness of the beach air, the smell of salty sea water filling your nose. It was enjoyable to have one moment of relaxation.

“Hey MC! Belphie’s awake! Help us throw him into the ocean!” You could hear Mammon from the other side of the beach.

“Your brothers are always so exciting, Lucifer,” Diavolo was laughing and was waiting for Lucifer to laugh along with him.

“More like a headache…”

“I’ll go over there so they don’t bother you three. Remember to get the relaxation you need. The three of you work way too hard, you deserve a break. That goes for you to Barbatos! You don’t have to be a butler here.”

He laughed at your comment, “So noted.”

Satisfied, you ran back over to the others.

“If you like to live, you’ll let go of me” Belphie was trying to fight, but with Mammon, Asmo, and Levi together, he didn’t stand a chance.

“Same for you Beel! Put me down so I can finish my book!”

“Nah, you can finish your book later. We’re at the beach. You should have fun with us!” Mammon had a death wish. They managed to pull Belphie and Satan into the water. Belphie at this point had already given up.

Satan, however, was like trying to bathe a cat. Extremely unhappy about it. He screamed profanities and was about to go apeshit, until you were by his side and holding his hand.

“It’s ok Satan. They just want you to have fun.” He huffed in response with a hint of blush developing on his face.

Finally, all of you were in the ocean, splashing water at each other, seeing who could hold their breath the longest, and float around letting the water massage your worries away.

The fun eventually was coming to a close. The sun started to set, and everyone went to pack everything up.

“Hold on!”

They turned to look at you who has a mischievous look on your face, holding up sparklers in their face, “They’re a lot of fun to have on the beach too.”

Everyone was about to decline until, “Ohhhh, that sounds like fun. I’ll do it with you MC.”

Diavolo started to take sparklers from your hand and went to get a lighter.

“Well, I guess I can do it too.” Mammon said.

“It does sound like fun. Plus, I can take all sorts of photos to post when we get back to Devildom.” Asmo ran to be by your side.

“Don’t eat the sparklers Beel,” Belphie said walking over with his twin.

“W-well it’s a normie thing to do, but if MC wants to do it then I will too.” Levi took a sparkler from the packet.

“As long as Lucifer isn’t going to participate then I will too.” Satan said.

“Too bad because Lucifer has to do this too!” Your words sounded very adamant, leaving Satan with no other choice.

Lucifer sighed but then smiled, “As long as your happy MC and Diavolo.”

You squealed in happiness. As you lit the sparklers, everyone waved them around. Asmo took photos of everyone with theirs. Mammon tried writing words (they didn’t look good.) The rest were happy to chase each other with Diavolo and Lucifer standing on the side. Diavolo was mesmerized by the sparks shooting out, and Lucifer couldn’t help but laugh with him.

Barbatos filmed the entire thing for everyone to remember later. One of the best days ever.

—

After showering, you noticed the night was still young. Everyone was kind of doing their own thing now.

You didn’t want the night to end too soon. Hitting up the town seemed like a good idea.

You sat thinking of who you should bring with you.

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chrisevansgoodgirl · 4 years

Text

feels like we're dreaming, we're tripping and reeling

summary: requested: andy barber being obsessed with the thought of reader being pregnant and wanting nothing more than to be a dad. being the most doting, caring man throughout the whole pregnancy, rubbing reader's feet and going out to get all her cravings and rubbing her stomach constantly. crying when he feels the baby kick. painting the whole nursery himself and spoiling the hell out of their little bundle when it arrives. andy barber being domestic and soft as hell in general gets me so weak.

warnings: some smut. pool smut. not the same pool bc that was a public pool but it needed to happen so. andy being cute, as cute as i’m sure he was when his wife was pregnant. (my proof: that smile every time someone asks him if he’s jacob’s dad)

word count: almost 10,000. honestly, i was going to keep going but jesus 10,000?!

pairing: andy barber x reader

How many brands of pregnancy tests existed in this world?

Honestly, beyond 5, what the fuck was the point? They measured the same shit, did they not? You didn’t care enough to find out, but during the period of painful silence, you thought about googling the answer.

You were in the tub, wrapped up in one of Andy’s hoodies, just watching him. He was at the counter, looking at the timer. He’d gone out to pick up the tests for what you guys had decided would be your new routine.

You’d always had sex a lot, but lately, Andy didn’t want to go a night without. Not because he was under the impression that would be a more effective method, he just literally could not keep his hands off you anymore. He asked you that morning if you wanted to make Friday night the test night. It made sense, he had his weekends off and that meant he could skulk around the house if it didn’t happen.

Most tests took 2 to 3 minutes. Some took 15 for whatever fucking reason. He wanted to wait for all of them, so for a quarter of an hour, you were just stuck there. Waiting. With him. Which shouldn’t have been so stressful, but it was.

The day you told him you wanted to try for a baby, he didn’t let you out of bed. Even though he knew it wasn’t going to happen for a while since you needed to finish your last week and a half of birth control. He had just been so happy, any attempts made to hide his obsession with you getting pregnant were tossed out the window immediately.

He’d thought about it before you, he’d wanted it before you, but hearing that you finally wanted it too just triggered something. He bought parenting books because he figured during your pregnancy, he wouldn’t have that much time to read. He bought this huge ass book of names and after he fucked you, he liked to bring it out and try to talk you into names he wanted while you were in such a blissful state.

Every second of trying had made you fall in love with him more. Yes, you wanted kids, but honestly, babies didn’t much appeal to you. You understood that to get to kids, you had to deal with the babies and you were okay with that, but mainly, you wanted to make Andy a father. You knew he would be good at it, possibly the best in the world.

And even with all the wanting, he never put pressure on you. The morning you told him you were done with the birth control, he sat you down and had the longest talk with you just to make sure that he hadn’t done anything to make you think he was losing patience with you. He wanted a baby, but he needed a happy wife. He didn’t want any part of something that you weren’t completely on board with.

But with wanting to try, you needed to make some changes. You were always fairly active since Andy had his busy days and you didn’t like just sitting and doing nothing while you waited for him to get home. With trying to conceive, your workouts had to be a little more basic. Longer, but less intense runs, some yoga. Andy had read that cardio was important, you thought up swimming. The very next day, he was already making plans to expand the house and add an indoor swimming pool. When you gave him a look, he pointed out that the kids would love it when they were old enough to swim. How could you possibly say no?

Caffeine was next on the chopping block. Andy, the sweetheart that he was, knew how much you loved coffee and tried his hardest to cut it out as well. He wanted to show you that you weren’t in this alone. It was your body, yes, but he would make sacrifices, too. The first time you caught him falling asleep at the dinner table, you had to tell him to end his noble support. With a job like his, he needed his coffee. The compromise was that he wouldn’t drink it in your presence.

He also did insane amounts of research. Even after you stopped the pill, he insisted on using condoms for a month after so you could start getting some folic acid before ending up pregnant. That was quite the sacrifice. One of your favorite things on this planet was when he finished inside you. Not a fucking condom. But you were trying this thing where you didn’t express negativity because with Andy as your husband, there was no way not to feel like a brat. How was someone so perfect?

Your period hadn’t returned yet but that didn’t mean you were incapable of getting pregnant. Hence the random, shot-in-the-dark pregnancy test Friday plan. You didn’t feel pregnant and you knew that was stupid. Some didn’t know they were pregnant until they were giving birth. And you’d never been pregnant before, so how would you know what to look for? You just couldn’t stop thinking about how you didn’t feel it. You also didn’t want to tell Andy because you hoped you were wrong.

It had been a week short of two months without the pill and three weeks since he stopped wearing condoms. The chances of it just falling into place were slim—you didn’t have research to back that up, just some deeply-rooted cynicism. Maybe it was your defense mechanism, act like you saw it coming and you wouldn’t be disappointed. Right?

Wrong, which you discovered when you saw Andy’s face after he turned over one of the tests. You wouldn’t cry because it had been a total of 5 seconds and some people had to try much longer, and you didn’t want him to have to put aside his feelings to then console you. You did, however, want to cry.

“We should see a doctor,” you said.

He scoffed. “We haven’t really been trying that long.”

“But we can, why not?”

He finally turned to you, forcing his expression into something that didn’t break your heart just to see. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not. Andy, I told you that I’m ready.”

“I know, and trust me, there’s nothing that I want more. I just also think there’s still some romance in being old fashioned and just letting it happen.”

“Google is your new best friend, Andy. Why not consult an actual professional?”

“We can, if you want, but like I said, it hasn’t been that long. Besides, until you start your period again, it’s probably just a waiting game. Not always, but it can be. We should be realistic about this. I don’t want to waste a visit down to the doctor just so they can tell us what my new best friend already has.”

“Okay,” you shrugged, “if that’s what you want—”

“None of that. What do you want?”

“I want to be the mother of your children.”

He sighed, crouching down to your side. “You will be.”

“You don’t know that—”

“No, I do,” he insisted. “Because I’m not going to stop fucking you. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll go see a doctor. If there’s a problem, we will fix it. If we can’t, we will adopt. Are we clear? There is no way, Mrs. Barber, that you will not be the mother of my children one day. And because I damn well know that I deserve it, I will have the great honor of being the father of your children.”

You sighed and melted, but you hoped that much wasn’t apparent. “You’re so lame.”

He smirked. “Wanna get out of that tub so we can have sex?”

“Why can’t we have sex in the tub?”

“Do you want to?”

“Maybe, but no water.”

“Okay, that’s weird.”

You shrugged. “Fine, I’ll get out of the tub.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He went to stand up but you caught his arm before he could. He took one look at you and was already shaking his head. “Don’t even say it—”

“I am, though.”

“I don’t want to hear it. Ever.”

“I feel bad.”

“You shouldn’t. It could be me. It could be nothing. Baby, it is too soon to start worrying about anything. Avoid stress, that is what you need to be doing.”

He could say it a million different ways, you were still sorry.

It was troubling how excited you were to get your period back. Honestly, when the birth control had finally taken it away, you cried. Tears of joy. To have the same reaction over getting it back felt weird.

Andy also seemed excited until you outlined just how inconvenient the whole thing was. Okay, that was being negative, but you were kind of in a bad mood. Something he was not at all bothered by. Because of course. He hadn’t been bothered by a single thing since you told him you wanted to start trying.

Officially, four months into wanting a baby and the only thing keeping you holding on was your beautiful, loving husband. He always knew when you were feeling down, so he would talk about the future and how nice it would be when you could finally take the kids out on family trips. How great taking them to school would be. All the fun things you would get them into, dance, sports, anything that you both could go and support. You were completely lost on how he was so positive all the time.

You needed to keep going, though. Like he said, you guys had options. It was better to know sooner rather than later, so you pushed forward. Sadly, your periods were irregular so you would probably ovulate irregularly. And you weren’t even aware of when you were ovulating because Andy still wanted this to be “natural”.

The second Friday with negative results was clearly taxing on both of you. He decided to end it immediately. That was why you had taken to sneaking pregnancy tests any chance you got. You didn’t like not telling him but you always felt like a failure every time it came back negative. But life went on, that much he made sure of.

The pool was finished and he seemed to like it more than you did. In fact, your liking it extended only as far as getting to see him wet and shirtless. But you were still in there 4 to 5 times a week for 30 minutes after you got home from work on weekdays and early on weekends. Because you did everything you were supposed to do. Because you didn’t want to feel like this was your fault, like there was something you were doing that would prevent this.

He came in one Saturday morning just as you were getting out. “Done?”

“Yeah, I served my time,” you joked. “I should get started on lunch. Any requests?”

“No, whatever sounds good to you.”

You went inside, fully intending to make lunch. But something that just didn’t make sense was how much you craved sex with Andy. It seemed like the more you had, the more you wanted. You guys were always sexual. At the start, after a month or so, every date ended with sex. When you moved in with him, it was more nights than not, even after you got married. But this was every day, numerous times a day.

He was turned on by the idea of getting you pregnant. He was insatiable for that reason. Sex this often wasn’t normal and it probably wasn’t raising your chances of conceiving since you weren’t being too methodical about it, but you were thrilled with this change. You worried about how much sex you would have once you were pregnant anyway, you figured you should start preparing for the long months ahead.

You were only in the kitchen for three minutes, trying to find food that would interest you more than what was currently on your mind. It didn’t work.

You returned to Andy. He was swimming his laps, completely oblivious. You stripped out of your bathing suit where you stood at the edge of the pool. He only made it three more times back and forth before he must have sensed you there.

He turned up, brushing his wet hair out of his face. When he saw you naked, his eyes widened. “Here? Now?”

“Well, unless you want me to wait for you to finish. I could just sit and watch, take care of myself until you can.”

“Here,” he decided. “Now.”

You smirked, sauntering off to the right where the stairs were. He made his way to you just before you descended the last step. He wrapped his arms around your waist and you took your cue to jump up and wrap yourself around him.

He carried you further into the water, lips moving against yours. You clung to his shoulders and your legs locked around his hips. “You are wild and demanding,” he accused.

You scoffed. “Me?”

He pretended to think about it. “Well, I guess it was me who stopped dinner last night, me who couldn’t wait until we left the grocery store, me who had you pull over while we were driving a few days ago, and me who came in here naked—oh, wait—“

You laughed. “Well, I’m just trying to prepare myself for when we’re hardly doing this anymore.”

“When we retire?”

You snorted. “No. You know, when I’m pregnant.”

He scoffed, pressing you against the side of the pool. You felt a hand moving between you, working his shorts out of the way. “You think I’m not going to fuck you when you’re pregnant?”

“Well...I assumed, yeah.”

He nudged your chin with his nose until you tilted your head back, offering him your neck. He kissed you softly as he indelicately pushed into you.

You clutched at his shoulders harder, whining his name.

“You’re insane if you think I’m going to be able to refrain from touching you. Especially while you’re pregnant.”

You angled your head so you could see his face. He looked downright amused at what you were saying.

The pace and pressure of his hips immediately became punishing. He held you tight, hands on your hips as he fucked you. “You don’t even know how hard I get thinking about you carrying my child.”

Maybe it was what he was saying, maybe it was that you had wanted him inside you since you woke up, but it wasn’t taking long to get you there. You brought one hand up to the edge of the pool for a little more support.

Andy began kissing your neck and nipping at your chest. “I think about how beautiful you’re going to look, I think about how I’m going to have you riding me every day.”

You could picture that. Fuck. You were rarely on top now because you loved being underneath him and he loved pinning you down to the mattress, but when you got bigger, you would have to adapt. It didn’t sound as boring as you’d had yourself convinced it was when he said it.

“Every morning before I go to work, I’ll wake you up with my mouth between your legs.”

You let out a shaky breath. “What’s stopping you from doing that now?”

“You,” he promised. “I can barely open my eyes before you’re telling me to get inside you. You’ll be slower when you’re pregnant, less of a predator, more of a prey.”

You scoffed but it became a moan. If he kept talking like this, you were going to come soon.

“Some women are more sensitive when they’re pregnant,” he asserted. “I bet you will be. You’re already so sensitive. I’m going to spend every weekend fucking you until you’re begging me to stop.”

“Andy.” You turned your head toward him and he kissed you. You whimpered when you felt his hand at your cunt, fingers pressing against your clit so gently.

You finished first but he was close behind, turning his head down to groan into your shoulder.

He rode out his high slowly, kissing any part of your skin that was in his reach. He lifted you out of the water, onto the tiled floor surrounding the pool. He kissed both of your knees, then your calves, all while keeping his eyes on you. “Sound like a plan?”

You smiled, rolling your eyes. “Really, I should make lunch.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You headed out, back to the kitchen.

“You’re not getting dressed?”

“Nope.”

Four months, one week, and six days later, you were pregnant. You’d felt weird, it was 3 in the morning, Andy was asleep, and you knew you weren’t going to be able to rest until you found out.

Technically, you hadn’t missed your period yet. Sometimes you started on the 17th, others the 22nd through the 24th. Oh, but there was also the wonderful time you had started on the 5th. That time, you did cry. He might have too, but never in front of you because he was trying to be the most positive man on earth.

You only took two tests, the ones with the least amount of wait time. The results came back positive and for a moment, you just sat there. You had been terrified that it wasn’t going to happen. You worried about how much that would hurt Andy. You also stupidly worried about the possibility that he would leave you over it.

But that didn’t matter anymore. You were pregnant and he was going to be thrilled. After being a little annoyed that you took the test without him, you assumed.

You weren’t sure how to tell him. When to tell him. It was 3 in the morning and he had to work. Maybe after he got home. If you told him when he woke up, he was just going to want to stay home.

Logically, you knew false positives were not the same as false negatives. But it was just like when you were in junior high and you didn’t get your period so you were convinced you were pregnant even though you were very much not having sex. Yes, you were paranoid but you just wanted to be sure. The only thing worse than not getting pregnant would be getting Andy’s hopes up.

You waited until he was at work and then made an appointment. This would also annoy him because he wanted to do extensive research when selecting a doctor. You weren’t robbing him of that, you just wanted to have confirmation. The second you did, you would tell him and start looking at doctors.

You had it scheduled four days out, Thursday. You could get in on your lunch hour. It was odd going and explaining to the nurse your thought process and why you couldn’t schedule a follow-up appointment after the confirmation. She must have thought you were an idiot, you possibly were, but you were a happy idiot.

That night, when Andy arrived home, you were waiting on the couch for him. Once again, unclothed. You’d gotten quite used to being nude, having him undress you every time either of you wanted sex was just ridiculous. There wasn’t a word said as he laid over you on the couch, not bothering to get undressed. He just moved his pants and then he was inside you.

He didn’t move at first, instead, he rubbed your clit until you finished around him.

You draped a leg over his ass. “Andy, fuck me.”

“Not yet, baby.” His fingers circled over your clit again, his eyes fixed on yours and wanting to see pleasure on your face. He was in a mood and that meant the sex was going to be exhausting. Worth it, but very unlike the easy and quick routines you’d gotten used to in all of the chaos of trying to get pregnant.

When he would join you in the shower because usually, you woke up earlier than him even though you went to work later, he would wrap his arms around you all sweet then shove you against the wall and make you come with him. When he would find you making dinner and fuck you over the counter. When you were up later than he wanted so he would just fuck you wherever you were until you were so exhausted that he had to carry you upstairs. No other married people had as much sex as you guys, you were almost certain.

You’d made a complete mess of his pants but he didn’t seem concerned about them. He sat up and set you on his lap, holding you in place as he thrust his hips up. There was always something amazing about sex with him still in his suit. It wasn’t like his clothing left much to the imagination anyway, you could see and feel the muscles in his arms and chest.

He continued fucking you until he was close, then he settled you flat against him and used his fingers to make you come again and again. Until he was sure he had come down enough from his almost-finish. Feeling your pussy move around him, the way you would tighten when you orgasmed, the way you continued to get wetter and wetter, he was addicted.

You grabbed his free hand and placed it on one of your breasts and he closed his mouth around the opposite. Again, he held you up so he had enough room to drive his cock into you, hard and deep, and so painfully slow. It must not have been the best day. He loved being in absolute control of you when he couldn’t be at work.

Once more, just as he was about to finish, and you could tell because his hands would tighten and his hips would start to stutter, he sat you on his lap.

You curled your hand under his jaw, pulling him from your breast up to your mouth. The kiss was sloppy, all tongue and desperate moans from both of you.

“Touch yourself, baby,” he directed as he pulled away.

Your fingers instantly dropped to your clit and you began drawing yourself toward another end. He wouldn’t let you stop, not after the first, the second, the third. Your hand was shaking, you were shaking, he had to hold you by the shoulders otherwise you would have fallen back. The entire time, he remained buried in your cunt, hard and not doing a damn thing about it. He was using you to edge himself and that made you impossibly wet.

He repeated this, more times than you could count. He didn’t say a word either, just led your hand down to your clit or used his own when he knew you couldn’t. Sometimes the sex was like this, he was working through something and he didn’t want to talk at first. It was about proving to himself that he had enviable control, and he definitely did because it wasn’t like you made it easy for him.

When he laid you down on the coffee table, he began pounding into you. You could tell when he was almost there because he was getting louder, grunting into your skin, or groaning as he bit down on your shoulder, your breast, your neck.

He pulled out before then and you felt inclined to put a stop to this madness.

“Andy.”

His hand made its way back to your pussy as he stroked his cock with his opposite. Moments later, he was spilling out onto your skin. As he continued fucking you with his fingers, you ran your hands over your stomach, spreading his cum along your body until you reached your breasts. You loved having his cum on you and he loved seeing it on you.

After your orgasm, he sat back on the couch as he worked to catch his breath. “Sorry, that was kind of a waste.”

“Not really.” You continued teasing him with your hands on your breasts and these small mewls that you knew he was already getting worked up over again.

He probably didn’t even realize what you’d said, too focused on watching you pinch and pull on your nipples.

You turned down a few minutes later, meeting his eye.

He kept his eyes on your hands as he spoke. “Wanna get in the shower while I make dinner?”

You moved off the table, legs shaky as you made your way to him. You caught his hand before he could sit you on his lap and sat down on the couch at his side. Leaning over, you took him in your mouth.

“Jesus,” he hissed.

After swallowing as much of him as you could, you set one of his hands on the back of your head. He knew what you wanted.

Holding you in place, he began rolling his hips. It wasn’t too forceful but you could feel him in the back of your throat. He was hard again in a matter of a few moments.

“God, your mouth is fucking perfect, baby.” He was losing his steady pace, his hips jerkier, slower sometimes. “All I could think about today was you. Your beautiful cunt, your fucking mouth. I’ve wanted to see you covered in my cum for so long, but...” he didn’t finish his sentence, you knew why he hadn’t.

You weren’t satisfied until you’d swallowed every drop of him. As you pulled off, he grabbed your hips and brought you onto one of his thighs. He kissed your forehead and began running his fingers through your hair.

“How was work?”

He shrugged. “You know.”

“Rough day?”

“It usually is,” he attempted to dismiss.

“Sounds like you could use good news.”

He arched an eyebrow. “You have good news?”

“Well, I’m pregnant.”

He blinked slowly, then abruptly sat up straight as his hands dropped to your hips. “What?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, okay,” he blurted out. He moved you onto the couch, standing and tucking himself back into his pants. “Do you want to take a test?”

“I already took the test.”

“Without me?” he demanded. “How many?”

“I took two, but I went to the doctor to get it confirmed.”

“Without me?!” he repeated.

“Don’t be mad, I just wanted to make sure.”

“I am mad.” But then he leaned down and started kissing you so you figured he was going to get over it fairly quickly. He pulled away, both hands coming up to your face. “I can’t believe you. How long have you known?”

“I took the test 4 days ago. Went to the doctor today.”

“4 days?!”

“Andy, I didn’t want to get you excited if I wasn’t actually pregnant.”

“Well, can you take another test so I can see it? We have a billion upstairs.”

You scoffed. “Do you want me to? I will.”

“Yeah, kind of. I know it’s stupid—“

You shook your head. “It’s not, I can do it.”

He got on his knees on the floor, gently pressing you back to the couch. “I knew it would happen, I just didn’t think it was going to happen this soon.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re still okay? You still want this?”

“Of course.”

He leaned forward, kissing your throat all the way down to your stomach. You shivered at the sensation of his beard prickling against your skin. He continued kissing you and you ran your fingers through his hair.

He turned up to you, lips still pressed just below your navel. “It’ll be a girl.”

You scoffed. “Andy, you don’t know that.”

“I do,” he insisted.

“You never said you wanted a girl.”

“I want any baby you can give me.”

“Even if it was a demon baby that turned out to be a cannibal?”

“As long as it had your smile, yes.”

You snorted. “And your eyelashes!”

“And your cheekbones.”

You ran your finger along the bridge of his nose. “Your nose.”

“Is it red like all the other demon babies?”

“You’re in too good of a mood.”

“Impossible, no mood is too good considering you’re carrying my daughter.”

“Stop,” you scolded half-heartedly. “Look, you have a total of at least 15 weeks before you find out whether it’s a boy or a girl.”

“You have 15 weeks.”

“Andrew Barber,” you scoffed, “stop.”

“Let’s bet.”

“No!” You laughed.

“Scared?”

“Don’t even try that with me.”

He shrugged. “You sound scared. I never knew that the woman who gave me a hand job in a movie theatre would be such a baby—“

“Andy, if you don’t stop talking, all of this pregnant sex you’ve been fantasizing about is not going to happen.”

With a small smile, he shut his mouth.

“Upstairs? You want me to take the test?”

He scooped you up off the couch and headed toward your bedroom.

The next day, Andy was already working on all those grand promises he’d made. You woke with your calves draped over his shoulders, his lips wrapped around your clit, his hands folded over your hips to hold you down, and his beautiful blue eyes looking up at you.

Then he wanted to go shopping. He’d already called into work, not even bothering to lie about being sick. He was thrilled to let Lynn know that you were pregnant and apparently, she knew how big of a deal that was so she let him off the hook after making him promise to take pictures of what he was intending to do to the nursery.

He wanted to paint. You had wanted to leave it white. Gendered colors were stupid anyway. He’d said the same at the start, but he was currently waving pink swatches in your face.

“Andy, what if it’s a boy?”

He shrugged. “Then he’s going to have a pink nursery. Pink sky or pink pearl?”

You spared the colors a glance. “Pink pearl. Why can’t we just do one of those gender-neutral colors?”

“Because yellow is ugly and purple is loud.”

“Green.”

“Reminds me of spring.”

“Orange.”

“Pumpkins.”

“Red.”

“Blood.”

You rolled your eyes. “Well, why not dark blue? I was kind of hoping we could do, like, a constellation theme.”

He thought for a moment. “Let’s do both. But instead of blue, we’ll use pink.”

“Okay,” and you were excited again. “You are insane, though. Just so you know.”

“Hardly. Do you know how behind I am? I wasn’t expecting this to happen so soon. I haven’t found the doctor yet, I’m just barely starting on the nursery. We don’t have a name, we don’t have a crib. Essentially, we have nothing.”

Was he seriously already stressing about this? And that probably wasn’t even a fourth of what was going through his mind.

You reached over, finger tapping on the only pink color you’d seen that you liked enough to put on the walls. “We have a paint color. If you like it.”

He glanced between you and the color twice before nodding. “Okay.”

Walking through the aisles, you decided to take over. You threw all the tools he could possibly need in the cart and didn’t stop until you spotted the glitter. You stared straight at it until he got curious enough about what you were so focused on that he made his way to you. Adding glitter to paint was difficult, you knew because you had attempted before. Your friend’s sister’s kid was turning 7 and wanted to redesign her bedroom and you tagged along because glitter. It ended in tears and Andy buying you ice cream to make you feel better.

He sighed. “You want the glitter?”

“I simply cannot live without it.”

With another sigh, a much more resigned one, he started tossing in bags of the glitter additive. “You know you’re not helping, right?”

“What? Because of last time—?“

“No, because you’re pregnant.”

“Andy, it’s not even a baby yet. It’s a fetus. Can’t I just do what I would have always done up until the point that I can’t get an abortion?”

“That is not funny.”

You snorted. “It kind of is. Stop worrying.” You rolled onto your toes and kissed the tip of his nose. “Otherwise, you’re going to look like a grandfather instead of a father. And hey, I’d still be pretty attracted to you but we have more kids to make, so calm down.”

He banned you from the house. Yep, you had a total of one friend who was currently married and interested in children. That was the friend he wanted you to focus on, not the others, he said, that they meant well, but couldn’t possibly be supportive at a time like this. In reality, he never liked most of your friends. You kept them out of college and he always thought they liked to go out and drink too much.

Your friend was excited when you asked if you could stay with her for a bit. Andy wanted to paint immediately and then make sure all lingering traces of the paint were adequately gone from the house before you returned.

Painting took two days. He called you both mornings, brought you lunch at work, took you out to dinner, and made sure to call you before you went to bed.

Then he checked you both into a hotel for 3 days. You had to force him to go to work on Monday, pointing out that he really needed to be making money. You loved your job but it wasn’t as if the salary was sufficient to raise a baby on.

Andy let you revel in the beauty of the nursery up until the weekend. The constellations were a soft champagne color and the glitter was mixed in perfectly, evenly. It looked professionally done, but you weren’t surprised. He was perfect and everything he did for you and his child would be perfect as well.

Next, his mission was to find a crib and pick the doctor. Something that kept him on his laptop most of Saturday while you slept soundly next to him. You were already beginning to feel tired and you weren’t sure if that was because of him or your baby.

Time went by in a blur. He’d fallen into a routine effortlessly. He would wake you up as he told you he would, eating you out, then he would get you in the shower with him, and make sure you ate a good breakfast before he headed off to work. He would call at lunch, just to make sure you weren’t too exhausted to be at work. You always felt inclined to tell him stories about working pregnant women every time. He would come home and fix dinner and wouldn’t let you lift a finger to help. At night, after he thoroughly fucked you, which honestly didn’t take much, you would fall asleep together. It was a great first two months.

At the start of your 3rd month, you were already showing. It seemed like it was the best day of Andy’s life. In fact, he wanted to start a scrapbook. He wanted to document everything and you didn’t have the heart to tell him he was absolutely crazy. Besides, it was pretty cute.

It was around this time that you had the most absurd craving for almond butter. He loved almond butter so it was always in the house and you never once wanted any part of it. Randomly, you thought apples and almond butter sounded great and you finished the entire jar before he got home. Something that amused him greatly, he promised he would get more on his way home the next day. That new obsession lasted for a week and a half, and you had yourself convinced that it was going to be the worst of it.

No. Swap out apples for Cheetos. Seriously, you wanted to eat Cheetos and almond butter. You were downright ashamed so you didn’t even ask him to get you anything, you just snuck out to the store before he got home one night and bought yourself a sufficient stash that you kept hidden in the very back of the pantry. This wouldn’t work for the entire pregnancy but until you were further along, you intended to hide these horrible cravings.

Well, as well as you could. He was anticipating more after the almond butter so he always texted and asked if you wanted him to bring something home. So far, your genius combinations had been tacos and chocolate, macaroni and cheese and sour patch kids, cashews and Doritos, French fries and hot chocolate, and orange chicken and lemonade. Andy drove everywhere at any given hour. If there was a store open, he would go. If it was closed and you couldn’t wait that long, he would go to a 24-hour fast food place. He’d started stocking your favorites as well, and hiding them until you really needed them.

The day before you were set to find out the sex of the baby, he went shopping. You were far too tired to try to leave the house, especially since Andy could shop. You thought he would come home with more for the nursery. Since he’d found the crib, he’d started looking at bedding and the other matching furniture. You knew it would be extreme since you weren’t there to stop him. What you did not expect was that he would sneak in and take full advantage of your unconsciousness. If he hadn’t dropped something, you never would have caught him.

When you found him in the nursery, he was in the closet. Hanging up clothing. Pink clothing. For a girl. “Andy.”

“We are having a girl,” he stated simply.

“Oh, my god,” you muttered to yourself.

“Sorry I woke you.”

“Don’t be, I’m glad I’m witnessing this insanity.”

He gave you a flat look, fully turning to you with a tiny black bodysuit with white hearts printed on it. “This could be for a boy, I don’t know what you’re so upset about it.”

You smirked. “Anything can be for a boy if you try hard enough. Look, if you wanted a girl so bad—“

“I wanted a baby.”

“Andy, you bought girl clothes!”

“Because we are having a girl.”

“You’re going to have this child alone if it doesn’t stop making me crave the most ridiculous things.”

He hummed. “Is that why you’re up here?” Smirking, he made his way to you. As usual, his hands went straight to your stomach, he had to feel any movement and it was driving him crazy that he hadn’t. “What do you want?”

You scoffed tiredly. “A lot of things. Yogurt, peach and blueberry. Something lemon, lemon squares, lemon cake. A lot of pasta, I really want spaghetti. And despite your incorrigible behavior, I want you.”

“You do mean sexually, right? Because I read sometimes pregnant women want to eat things that aren’t food—“

You placed your hand flat over his mouth. “I take it back, I just want the food.” You turned away to escape from the room but he was right on your tail. “Andy, I’m hungry.”

“I’ll get you the food,” he promised. “Let’s just make a quick stop to the bedroom first.”

You didn’t put up much resistance as he began leading you that way. He had been correct about one thing, you were so sensitive. You’d given up on wearing bras or underwear, and your clothes had to be loose. Especially given the dreams you were having. Much to his simultaneous joy and dismay, you would send him pictures and videos of certain sexual situations at least twice a week just a couple of hours before he got home.

That cocky bastard was correct. A fact that had him beaming the remainder of the appointment, all the way home, and even in his sleep. You weren’t upset that you were having a girl. It wasn’t that you thought you had a right to be picky, but very simply, you wanted a girl more than you wanted a boy. You weren’t even sure why. Gender wasn’t real and it wouldn’t upset you if someday in the future that little girl told you that she wasn’t a girl at all. Logically, you knew there was no point. But you didn’t have to be logical, not while you were carrying a baby.

Even though Andy was annoyingly smug about the whole thing, you were excited. You finally got to take a look at the closet and discovered yesterday was not his first time buying clothing. You wanted to be mad at him but he had the softest look on his face. This was everything he wanted and you liked that you were able to provide it for him.

At 5 months, he absolutely needed to feel her kick. If he wasn’t fucking you or feeding you, or shopping, or at work, his hands were on your stomach. One of his favorite things, when you got out of the shower, was covering you in lotion, something you were supposed to do to prevent stretch marks, not that either of you much cared. During that time, he would speak to her, try to get her to give him any kind of movement. Or sometimes, you would wake up and he was just level with your stomach, whispering things to her.

You didn’t have the heart to tell him that you’d felt what you presumed were “flutters” and maybe one good kick a couple of nights ago, but you weren’t certain. You sort of enjoyed that she didn’t just give in to his murmurings of “come on, baby, give daddy a kick”, or “if you kick, I’ll never tell you no”. That line was dropped from rotation after you pointed out you would be holding him to that when she wanted to start dating.

She seemed to like his voice, you could admit. Sometimes it wasn’t him that woke you up, it was her responding to him. They weren’t fast movements, they weren’t particularly forceful either, but they were there. You didn’t understand how he’d yet to feel anything. And since you were still telling him you hadn’t really felt anything, he brought it up at the next appointment. The look of pure horror on his face when the doctor told him the likelihood of fathers never feeling any movement was sad, in a funny way. Kind of. Being pregnant had made you a little meaner.

He was pouting about it all night but you told him you were sure he would feel something. You told him you wouldn’t have her until she kicked for him. He knew you couldn’t control that, obviously, but it made him feel better.

At 5 months and 2 weeks, it happened. You were failing at staying awake and trying to read a book when you felt an abrupt tap. You startled awake, discovering the book on the floor. That had to be it, you just dropped it on yourself. But then it happened again, a bit harder and a tad painful.

“Andy!”

He bolted to your side in a matter of seconds. Seriously, he had to have broken world records with that trick. “What? What’s wrong?”

You grabbed his hands, pulling his arms over the back of the couch, and placed them over your stomach.

“Are you okay? Do we need to go—?”

“Shut up,” you ordered.

After a couple of minutes, he sighed. “You felt an actual kick?”

“Sorry, she tends to move more when I’m so still.”

He moved around the couch and sat on the floor. “It’s going to happen. I’m not going to feel her.”

“No,” you argued. “Are you working?”

“No, just scaring myself with more books.”

You held your hand out to him and he helped you up. You crouched down to pick up your dropped book and handed it off to him. “Read it, she seems to like your voice... I’ll fall asleep, see if that works.”

You were settled in bed next to Andy, his one hand pressed to the side of your belly as he read the book aloud. You were trying to keep still but also trying to stay awake, you wanted to see his face when he felt it. That was out of the question, Andy’s voice was like honey, or a fall morning, or the feeling of being home after a long day. You were out after a few paragraphs.

When you woke up, you weren’t sure why. You saw Andy hovering over you fully with wet eyes and the softest smile you had ever seen. “Baby?”

“I felt her.”

You scoffed. “I told you that you would.”

He kissed all over your stomach, lingering each time. “Maybe she finally knows I’m her daddy.”

“She always knew.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Truth?” He glanced up at you and you explained, “I’ve been feeling her for a while now. That’s why I knew she liked your voice... I have some bad news, Andy. It seems like she already knows you’re wrapped around her finger and she is going to enjoy making you jump through hoops.”

“Just like her mom.”

You smirked. “Guess so.” You reached out to touch his face. “What are you thinking?”

He shrugged. “Every morning, I wake up and I’m so sure that my life couldn’t get any better but every day, it does. I didn’t know it was possible to love as much as I love you and as much as I love her.”

You turned to mush instantly.

“I didn’t have this growing up, you know. I didn’t have a dad but I’m going to do it right. I’m not going to be like him. I don’t understand how he could just walk away from his child, I would never do that. I could never do that. Or from you, my beautiful wife. For a long time, while we were trying, I just hated him so much. More than usual. I hated that we had to try so hard and that he was given a family that he just tossed away.”

“Well, he was an idiot. You are truly the best man I will ever know, possibly the best man that there is. And you’re going to be the best father, too... Okay, maybe second best after Ryan Reynolds, but still pretty high up there.”

He scoffed.

Feeling her kick was another addition to his day. Lips and fingers brought you to orgasm before taking you to the shower where he carefully wrapped his arms around your shoulders and fucked you from behind. He would dry you off, lay you out on the bed, and cover you in lotion and pay a lot of attention to your feet. His hands all over your body never failed to make you want him, but he had to go to work. You both knew if you started, he was going to end up being late. After breakfast, he would say goodbye to you, then he would lean down and ask his little girl for any kind of movement. She’d began to indulge him at least twice a day, when he was leaving and when he would say goodnight.

He’d always let you sleep in on Saturdays and even stayed with you for a great deal of it. Mostly because he knew you could sense when he wasn’t in bed and that would wake you. But with time, you were becoming less tired. Not entirely, you still were out like the dead at 9 every night, but sometimes you woke up actually feeling rested.

Saturdays were what he intended them to be. This particular Saturday had him wrapped around you, hands flat to your stomach, chin atop your head. You had another fantastic dream, one where you weren’t pregnant.

You loved your baby and you loved that you were able to carry her but you missed how hard he fucked you sometimes. You just couldn’t wait until he could pull your hair, choke you, spank you, tie you up, all of the things he loved to do to you. More importantly, you couldn’t wait until he was on top of you, pinning you down and leaving bruises.

Those dreams were why you woke up wet more often than not. Why you never hesitated to take his hand and slide it lower but you didn’t need that today, you just needed him. For you, he’d adapted to sleeping without clothes. It was easier that way and he’d never complain about you doing the same. Besides, the heat was getting the best of you the bigger you got.

You reached back with your heel, tapping his shin several times. “Andy?”

He hummed.

“It’s Saturday. Wake up.”

He scoffed, eyes still closed. “Yeah, it’s Saturday. Sleep in.”

“Fuck me,” you whined.

“I wish I could say that wasn’t enough to get me hard.”

“You were already hard,” you assured. You could feel him against your hip.

He grabbed your thigh and draped it over him. “You know, my love, when you’re not carrying our baby, I am going to have a lot of fun making you wait for it. I am indulging you now simply because you are giving me the greatest gift anyone could. But when I can tie you up, when I can fuck you, that is what I’m looking forward to.”

You moaned as he unhurriedly slipped inside you. “I miss your hands around my neck, that’s what I’m looking forward to.”

“So, I suspect you’ll continue being a brat long past your due date.”

“Yes, and there’s nothing you can do about it,” you taunted.

“Not right now, just you wait. You’ve been bad ever since you told me you were pregnant. Laying on the couch, naked. I know you had been touching yourself. I’ve been keeping track and your ass is probably going to be getting spanked up until you’re pregnant again.”

You snorted, turning your head back slightly. “Oh, and is that going to be immediately after?”

He kissed along your jaw. “Up to you.”

“You want another girl?”

“Yeah,” he admitted somewhat sheepishly.

You scoffed.

“But I wouldn’t be let down by a boy,” he promised. He started delicately rolling his hips, one hand coming to your center to rub your clit.

Watching you fall apart like this was something else. Andy found you utterly beautiful, your cheeks would flush, your eyes would fill with such desperation for him that made him feel wanted. The moans that spilled from your mouth were sometimes animalistic, inspired only by how much you needed him to give you what only he could.

Now that you were pregnant, he could cover you in his cum. He always loved doing that, an interesting discovery he’d made very early in your relationship. After you decided you wanted to try for a baby, he would often come inside you and tell you to leave it there, which was pleasing as well. But this. This was simplistic, classic beauty.

He pulled out, fingers filling you instead. Your hips moved frantically, seeking the pressure of his palm against your clit. Angling your head back, his lips hungrily met yours. You reached down and took him in your hand, he turned his head slightly to hiss a curse.

Once he looked at you again, you pretended all you wanted was an innocent kiss. Something you kept up until he was just about to come, and then you bit down hard on his bottom lip. He had no idea how to retaliate and seeing the frustration play out on his face was almost as satisfying as your finish.

You laid next to him patiently as he came down, anticipating his reaction. It was always funnier when he had time to dwell on the situation. For several more weeks, you had complete permission to be as bratty as you wanted. You couldn’t believe you hadn’t been taking advantage of that more.

He turned his head to you and you smirked. “That’s going on top of the list. You will regret that.”

“The look on your face was so worth it.”

“Teasing is also going on the list,” he warned.

The day your water broke was just a normal day. Of course, not your due date. No, this baby had been torturing you since the very start, why stop now? You expected it was just something in the Barber blood. Strong-willed, complicated, and the tendency to be a complete pain in the ass.

Regardless, your husband was at work. If everything went well for him today, there was one last case that he was going to tie up, and then he was yours and hers until he was ready to go back. You figured that wouldn’t be for a long while and that was exciting.

You would think that this would have been too much by now. You guys didn’t really have your friends, or regular company that you kept. No one had been in your home, save for Lynn who you insisted he invite over so she could see the nursery in person.

She’d also given you a gift and you wanted to receive it from her in person. You knew there was a special friendship she had with Andy. A woman in a position of power, you figured she didn’t have time for many. And Andy wasn’t a typical friend, a low-maintenance guy who was kind and smart. They just went together well, and you wanted to encourage him to let her in at least a little.

He answered your call on the first ring because he’d been glued to his phone for these past three months every time that he had to leave the house. “Hey, everything okay?”

“Are you busy?” you worked to keep your voice level. No need to rile him up before he could get home.

“No, not really. I just stepped out of a meeting with Lynn. We were talking about the last case she thought of giving me. She’s wondering if three days is—”

“She should give it to someone else.” You had taken to rubbing your stomach, mentally pleading with your baby. Please, baby, just wait for your daddy. I’ll never hear the end of this if he doesn’t see it.

“Are you okay?”

“Well, I’m fine…but my water broke—”

“What?!” he yelled. You distantly heard him yelling then, “Lynn, I gotta go! My baby is on the way and she was a bit of a jerk at the start, wouldn’t kick for me. I think she’s missing all those times she killed my soul and I’m terrified she’s going to show up before I make it.”

You could only imagine the look on Lynn’s face. Or the look on his face. A cross between terrified and thrilled, he probably looked like a serial killer.

“Can you wait for me to get home?”

“Did you just call our daughter a jerk?”

He huffed. “Baby.”

“I think so. I haven’t started having any contra—nope! No, there it is.”

He talked you to through breathing until it subsided. “Okay, listen, this is very important. I’m across town right now and there’s going to be some traffic at this hour—”

“Please don’t drive crazy.”

“I won’t, I promise. But first, I need you to get the timer…where are you?”

“On the couch.”

“Great, get the timer under the table.”

“There isn’t a timer under the table.”

“There is, I taped it there.”

“For what?” you pressed.

“This, obviously.”

“But why would you tape it?”

“There are about twenty timers all over the house, hidden so you couldn’t find them and move then.”

With a deep sigh, you leaned forward slowly to search under the top of the table for the timer. Yup, he was being serious.

“Okay, just keep track of them. And now, the second thing, I need you to promise me something. The neighbors, if you need them to drive you, they will.”

“What?”

“I’ve been creating these backup plans ever since you told me you were pregnant.”

“Oh, come on,” you complained. “I thought you were being nice to them because you liked them.”

“I mean, it’s not as if anyone in our neighborhood would ever say no to taking you. I just had to make sure that they were good drivers.”

You didn’t know how to respond. You had hoped that having a child was making him see the importance of social ties. These people lived by you, they were all having kids, most of them would probably end up in the same school.

“Honey?”

“I thought you wanted them to be our married friends. She just had her baby 8 months ago—”

He snorted. “Yeah, in addition to that other one.”

“Are you talking about Charles?”

“I know he’s 5, but he’s evil—”

“Andy!”

“Baby, listen. I’m getting in the car now. If you need to get to the hospital before I make it there, go left first. If they are not home, then go to the right. Left then right. Left first, right is the second resort.”

“You dragged the Johnsons into this, too?”

“Dragged ‘em all in, baby. Gotta go, stay calm and don’t move unless you need to. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You hung up and laid back against the couch. It felt like all there was to do was wait for your next contraction, something you did not enjoy the first time. They were just going to get worse, you needed your husband here.

You heard Andy pull up a little over half an hour later. He charged into the house like a maniac, showing up at your side, hands immediately going to your stomach. “Are you okay?”

“I’ve had a couple of contractions,” you reported. “They don’t last long and they’re pretty far apart.”

“Okay, let’s go.” He helped you off the couch, bringing the timer along with him. He let you control the pace to the car. You’d gotten bigger than you thought you would and walking three steps was nearly a minute-long ordeal.

Halfway there, you noticed the bag over his shoulder. “Don’t you have a bag in the car?”

“I packed the car bags sometime last week. Who knows what state of mind I was in? I can’t trust my competence.”

“Are you implying that there has been a moment during these 40 weeks that you haven’t been out of your mind?”

“I’m going to pay for this neighbors bit, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” you promised.

Labor wasn’t a long process. Painless as many women had told you it was? Fuck no. It hurt, a lot. But Andy was there and he was all you needed. He talked you through the breathing, he never stopped touching you, your arms, your face, your stomach. He liked to make plans when neither of those things worked. He reminded you about all the great things you guys would get to do with children, and it was enough to get you through it.

You thought you knew what love looked like, because you loved Andy so much. But when he saw your baby for the first time after she’d been set in his arms, he looked at her in such an intense, breath-taking way.

Any uncertainty you might have been playing with in your mind was gone in that second. You’d gotten a bit paranoid over time. Wondering if you guys were just going to have the same marriage as everyone else. Like, you started in love and ended with affairs and really hurtful words. But you knew then that this was not a normal family. This was true, unconditional love.

#andy barber x reader #still writing i swear #another coming up soon #my writing

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iturbide · 3 years

Note

HOWDY BE PREPARED FOR THE SEVERAL ASKS COMING YOUR WAY Okay so as a precursor the basic premise is Byleth (who is male here bc male Byleth needs more love) jumps ship upon realizing that by protecting Edelgard, he somehow got drafted into a war he wanted 0 part in, any attachment to his students be damned (1/9)

(dropping the rest under a Read More because it’s a lot but it’s great and also major kudos for giving M!Byleth the love he deserves because I, too, and exceedingly fond of him and sad that I almost never see content of him)

Okay so first off: I don’t blame you for not playing CF. It’s not worth it. I regret playing CF, personally. I’m sure there are people out there who enjoy CF, but I am not one of them. But having played CF, I can tell you that Edelgard doesn’t actually take Byleth back to Enbarr after the incident at the Holy Tomb, everybody heads to a small imperial outpost to prepare for the next battle. Unlike the other routes, you don’t get two extra weeks to prepare for the final battle -- you get one window of exploration to talk to all of your allies at this small holdover base, and then it’s straight into combat.

So the fact that Byleth sneaks out in the dead of night? That actually works perfectly with the set-up in the game, because it’s just a little outpost: all Byleth really has to do is get out through the gates and disappear. Doing so with a gaggle of students would be difficult, and hopefully he didn’t recruit many (if any?) students from other routes to leave behind, because there’s pretty much no way Edelgard would turn on her main housemates, but the others...yeah, there’s less of a guarantee there.

I’m fascinated by the idea of an outcome where Edelgard doesn’t manage to take the monastery. This perfect storm of circumstances -- Edelgard allying with Byleth and getting overconfident in their chances only to lose him, Rhea not having him as either a distraction or a target on the battlefield...sure, the damage to the monastery and surrounding areas would be significant, not to mention the losses on both sides, but having the Knights truly hold Garreg Mach has some fascinating implications, even if Rhea does end up retiring temporarily from her public role or hibernating for a period afterward and leaving things in Seteth’s charge.

Speaking of, actually, If Rhea is still awake, would Seteth still be consulting with her on handling of the situation with the Empire, or would all decisions relating to the war be in his hands? And if she has entered a hibernative state the way Byleth did in the game, how would Seteth be approaching things without Rhea’s direction? He’s generally a pretty reasonable man, but I can’t imagine he’d take well to the threat that Edelgard poses to them; at the same time, though, the risks involved in meeting the Empire directly might well outweigh the benefits if Edelgard’s numbers outmatch the Knights. Would he choose instead to fortify the monastery to weather further attacks, or would he attempt diplomacy with their northern and eastern neighbors?

I love the rhyme by the way that made me smile All of that seems very in-character for both Byleth and Edelgard, especially considering how Edelgard parceled out information to try and get Byleth on her side during the academy phase: she tried to only share enough to win her professor’s favor, but never enough to really confide in him as an equal. It’s reasonable that she’d think she didn’t share enough, but perhaps a bit more would make them realize that she’s right and this is the only way -- meanwhile Byleth, who lived most of his life on the move with Jeralt’s mercenaries, would be an old hand at evasion, survival, and combat all. Love the idea of him using hair dye to better disguise himself, too, especially since I’d imagine Edelgard has put out a bounty on information related to her teacher in a concerted effort to reclaim him.

...also I’ll be honest I completely forgot that “hook up” can have romantic connotations I totally meant join forces with someone else (but also you are my hero for providing gen content there’s not enough of it out there and I Need More Always). I...also may have forgotten that the Abyss exists haha someday I’ll play that DLC maybe when I go back to another Golden Deer run. But it makes sense that Byleth would lay low and avoid getting too involved with anyone, considering the risks involved.

But oh oh I can answer the VW question it’s partly because the general structure follows AM in regards to Faerghus’ fate more closely than it does anything else, but I think the big thing is really Rhea’s capture. CF is the only route where Rhea’s not captured, and she goes with Dimitri directly to Faerghus where he’s crowned king. The protection of their worst enemy prevents Cornelia from acting as she would have otherwise, which is why he ends up getting crowned and Cornelia bides her time in Arianrhod. In every other route, with Rhea in their clutches the Twisted get much bolder and start acting to speed up the conquest of Fodlan, which includes Cornelia murdering Dimitri’s uncle before he can be crowned, framing the prince for the crime, and intending to execute him. So with Rhea still free, the Twisted have a bit of a dilemma on their hands. On the one hand, leaving Dimitri to inherit power in Faerghus means that the Empire has two forces to deal with (the Knights based out of Garreg Mach and the Kingdom forces to the north in Faerghus); however, if they do take Dimitri out of the running and gut the taking out the existing power structure in Faerghus, they run the risk of overextending their forces trying to keep the Kingdom under control while the Knights of Seiros remain united with the Immaculate One in the wings. It’s a tough call, honestly, and either one has really interesting implications.

Claude remains a brilliant strategist and I deeply appreciate that. Having control of Myrrdin as a safety measure is a very smart move, even if they are maintaining their neutrality; if Edelgard ever does get around to advancing on them, they might even have the option of approaching the Knights of Seiros with the promise of an alliance in request for aid, effectively turning every corner of Fodlan against the Empire. It might well be that Hubert realizes that targeting the Alliance would prove dangerous to Adrestia, and chooses to plan his strategies on other fronts.

(Not gonna lie, though, I hope Claude does get to reconnect with Byleth at some point, even if Byleth doesn’t end up joining him in any official capacity. Put at least some minds at ease.)

I am absolutely fascinated by this whole concept okay and I’m deeply curious how it would all proceed after the five year mark. Would the stalemate hold? Would things start to shift? Would it be because of Byleth, or would it be the bigger forces like Adrestia, the Kingdom, the Knights, or even the Twisted finally making their move? How does it all end up does Edelgard make any progress or is she pushed back and does she suffer consequences for this I am at the edge of my seat dying to know

#answered #anonymous #fire emblem: three houses #and again i have many questions #but also i'm loving everything so far???#this is great and more like something i wish would have happened in the game #onyx sun

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aqvarius · 4 years

Text

Masquerade Kiss: Do Bad Girls Like to Self-pleasure? Kazuomi Shido - otona love - chapter 2 summary/translation

sorry this is coming out a little later than i anticipated. i bought and read the entire story in advance to get a sense of the length but my strategy backfired and now after reading it, i find translating more tiring since i already know what happens lol. but there were requests for me to keep translating so naturally i had to do it. once again, i’ve placed a cut because this translation is long and image-heavy, so make sure to click the “keep reading” to see the full chapter.

you can read the previous chapter here, where kazuomi accidentally sees you doing ~something~ to yourself under the sheets...

you’ve told him to take a shower and you’re moving under the bedsheets.

feelings that he can’t remember [feeling before] well up in kazuomi at the sight of what looks like you pleasuring yourself.

“...was there a problem with how we make love?”

“i thought i satisfied both your body and soul...”

however, looking at it now, it seems like that’s not the case. perhaps you’re taking care of yourself because you’re unfulfilled or dissatisfied with his actions.

“i thought your reaction in bed last night was more than sufficient”

he thinks maybe he should have been more relaxed/taken things easier, and not just in bed. maybe he should have listened to you vent out all your work stress?

“sensitivity comes from daily heart-to-hearts...”

basically he’s saying that the connection between you two is strengthened through daily everyday communication ughaskjlsd kazuomi is so sensitive and romantic i can’t deal.

“certainly, i’ve been so busy these days that we haven’t had time to meet,” he thinks, but didn’t realise that it would have such have such a direct effect. this kind of thing has never happened to him before, so he’s unusually confused.

“is my love not being conveyed enough...?”

to calm himself down, he quietly closes the door so you won’t notice him.

you tell him you need to leave early this morning. taking your turn after him, you’ve had a quick shower and got ready in no time.

“...the mood is pretty awkward”

he wonders if you noticed what he saw, or maybe you’re just embarrassed after doing ‘that activity”.

you’re about to leave, but he says

“whoa, can’t i get a goodbye kiss?”

(there’s that cheeky おっと again)

“ah... yes...” you say, and stretch up, holding onto his shoulder to get closer to him. you usually kiss him for longer, but today it’s just a quick one. you tell him you’ll contact him again. he takes a sip of his completely cold coffee, thinking back on what you did yesterday.

“...i didn’t make any mistakes. everything should have been perfect”

“and yet, she still wasn’t satisfied...”

he had completely no idea. frowning over his cold coffee, he gets up.

anyway we’re at the club now and i’m just laughing at the background because this is the first time i’ve seen it so large (since i’m reading on my laptop) and look at how many couples are inexplicably here together? also that random couple on the second table which is mirrored in the next one lmao. and having pole dancers and cancan dancers next to each other with the musicians at the top of the stage... what kind of club do the three musketeers run...

“that night, i was at the usual place with yuzu and kei.”

he’s eating the food that’s being brought in, but the sights that he saw the other day won’t leave his head. (i’m a bit confused by the wording of this because didn’t it happen just this morning?)

kei: “how are things? kazuomi”

kazu: ahh... well...

they were making plans for a “secret room” for the new resort he’s developing. it’s progressing without any problems, but honestly that’s not the issue right now.

kei: ...kazuomi?

yuzuru: “you’re very absent minded”

kazuomi thinks that you’re feeling lonely* because you haven’t seen each other for a while. he wonders if you’ve been self-pleasuring in that way in the meantime.

*honestly i can’t tell whether or not he think you’re feeling lonely or if he’s feeling lonely bc there are no possessive pronouns lol.

so in the meantime [that you’re apart] he might have become not enough. in that case, the issue after all is the time when you can’t meet. (basically that the issue is that you don’t get to spend enough time together).

he thinks about that melty face you get in bed.

“up until now, there hasn’t been a woman i haven’t satisfied.”

the confusion he felt this morning gradually disappeared, and now he’s filled with the feeling of being faced with a new challenge. “if that’s the case, how do i satisfy her?” he wonders. he declares (in his head) that he’ll satisfy you to the point where you can’t live without him.

kei: “hm? are you planning something fun again?”

kazu: does it seem like that?

yuzuru: “when you have that look on your face, you usually are”

kazu thinks that it seems that it did show on his face.

yuzu: so, what is it that you’re going to do?

kazu: nah, it’s not a big deal

kei: you’re grinning while saying “it’s not a big deal”? you’re not fooling anyone

“talking to you guys is annoying”

(bruh lmao)

kei: hmm, now i definitely want to hear

yuzu: usually you cause trouble by yourself, but i like to be entertained too occasionally

kazu: don’t i always entertain you?

kei: well, it’s as yuzu says, the one who causes the most trouble is kazuomi

kazu: you guys never change (? not sure if i translated that right)

he thinks something about the fact that they’re poking fun at him.

kazu: actually, this time...

when he tells them what he saw, kei’s eyes widen slightly.

kei: “hmm. so mc-san** masturbates even when kazuomi’s there”

**i finally changed my name to my usual キラ but he’s basically saying your name there so i’ll use mc to refer to “your name”

yuzu: is that why you were so absent minded?

kazu: even up until now, i’ve never experienced this kind of trial the day after embracing someone

“there are countless women who have pleasured themselves during the times when we can’t meet”

(lmao!!!)

kei: well i’ll neither agree nor disagree with that... so, what conclusion have to come to as to why mc-san did “that”?

(i’m actually not 100% on what he said but i think that’s what he means through context)

kazu: i’m stumped because i have no idea

kazu: well, strongly speaking(?), i’ve been so busy lately that i couldn’t look after her***

***he means this in the emotional sense, like he hasn’t had time to worry about her concerns/really care for her

kei: but you met her in person and satisfied/appeased her, didn’t you?

kazu: that was my intent

yuzu: in other words, she wasn’t as satisfied as you thought

(bro why you gotta be so blunt lol)

“...are you trying to make me depressed by treating me like i’m seeing you for a consultation?”

yuzu: i didn’t say anything about getting a consultation

kazuomi unintentionally smiles wryly while taking a sip of champagne.

kazu: anyway, that’s the main reason ... have i not said enough? (i think basically he’s wondering if he and his mc haven’t been talking enough)

kei: to mc-san? i think you’ve said plenty. when mc-san came to masquerade just recently, you were murmuring so affectionately it was annoying.

yuzu: “yeah. the things you said were nauseating”****

****set his teeth on edge - literally make his teeth float

kazu: what words...? i don’t understand what you mean since i normally say them unconsciously

(lmao!! kazuomi is a natural cheeseball)

kei: in kazuomi’s case, i urge women to breathe (no idea what this means: kei says “息するように女性を口説くからね” if anyone can help)

“sorry but my only partner is mc now”

yuzu: “do you want a consultation? [or] do you [just] want to brag?”*****

*****惚気: speaking fondly of a love one, praising/bragging about one’s spouse

after all that, the cause of mc’s “~activity~” was still unknown.

aaand that’s the end of chapter 2! i really like the direction this story is going in. i think a lot of people’s fantasies are that he would find it really hot but honestly kazuomi just wants to fully monopolise and satisfy his lover. tbh i’d be hella insecure if i had sex with my bf and then he went to go jack off again after lol. it was really cute seeing slightly insecure kazuomi but of course i love seeing him bounce back and treat it as a challenge, as he always does with everything in life, but especially with his mc. it was really fun getting to see some quality banter between the three “S”es, although it was a nightmare to translate some of it... i did learn some new slang tho.

i hope you enjoyed this chapter! please let me know what you think is going to happen. if you want to read more of my translations from voltage’s otona love, you can read my completed translation of soma’s super steamy “not the story of your first night” (chapter one here) or check out my translations page.

i’ve set up a ko-fi page here and would be incredibly grateful if you would like to support me for translations and being able to purchase more routes to recap in english!

click here for chapter 3

#kazuomi shido #voltage smut #otona love #otkoi #summary #translation #voltage #voltage inc #voltage otome #otome game #otome blog #otome romance #love 365 #love 365 find your story #マスカレード・キス〜危険な駆け引き〜#獅堂和臣

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randomfandomimagine · 5 years

Text

High Crush (Courtney Miller x Reader)

Characters: Courtney Miller, Shayne Topp, Olivia Sui, Keith Leak Jr., Noah Grossman

Fandom: Smosh (Youtubers)

Tags: Reader Insert, Gender NeutralReader

Warnings: None

Requested by anon: Can you do a Courtney Miller x reader where the reader is getting her wisdom teeth out and the smosh squad go with her and Courtney has a crush on the reader and the reader confesses that she likes Courtney. I saw that you wrote for smosh and I wanted to send an ask bc I don't see many people who write for them.

“Are you nervous, Y/N?” Olivia asked you, not taking her eyes off the road.

“A little...” You admitted, trying to appear calmer than you were. In reality, you were extremely anxious for many reasons.

Olivia was driving you to the dentist to get your wisdom teeth taken out, and you had seen enough viral videos to know a lot of things could happen. Not only would you have to go through that horrible surgery, but face the possibility of embarrassing yourself while you were all loopy.

“It’s gonna be okay” Courtney, from the copilot seat, patted your hand to comfort you. You smiled at her, endeared that she was always such a sweetheart.

“Just do me a favor, guys...” You looked at the rest in the backseat with you. “Don’t record me or anything, I’m probably gonna say some crazy stuff later”

“Why do you think we all came with you?” Shayne joked, laughing mischievously.

“I mean it!” You pointed a finger at him, then turning to Noah and Keith squeezed to your right. “Especially you two!”

“I’m offended!” Noah gawked at you, being supported by Keith’s complaints.

“You have no trust in us, Y/N” The latter said, innocently smiling at you.

“Okay, we’re here!” Olivia stopped the car and took her seatbelt off.

“Seriously, though” Shayne’s voice softened. “It’s probably not as bad as you think”

Looking forward to being done with it, you pouted and exited the car.

You couldn’t help but to fidget in the chair. The waiting room seemed like one of the worst tortures at the moment. Your friends tried to take your mind off it with their banter and jokes, but you were more and more nervous with each passing second.

“Hey” Courtney bumped her shoulder into yours, bearing a playful cocky expression. “You can hold my hand if you want”

You laughed a little, causing her to giggle too.

“Don’t tempt me, Court” You joked, trying to hide the fact that you were dying to hold her hand.

“I’m serious!” To reinforce her words, she held it out for you to take. “If it will make you feel better...”

You nodded, knowing it would definitely comfort you. Looking at the rest, you noticed everyone was busy having conversations of their own. Olivia was confusing Shayne with something he didn’t understand, and Noah and Keith were arguing about something.

When you felt the touch of her soft warm hands, your heart skipped a beat. It was comforting and anguishing at the same time. You had only been crushing on Courtney for forever now, and you were just holding her hand! While she was trying to make you feel better!

To make matters worse, she dedicated you the brightest smile that nearly made your heart stop. Just then, you were startled by the sound of a door opening.

“Y/N?” They called your name, to which you lifted your head.

“Can one of us go in there with her?” Noah asked, hoping to calm your nerves.

“Okay, but just one” The assistant said, and you immediately turned your head.

Still holding Courtney’s hand, you gently squeezed it. She widened the grin that lingered on her lips and nodded.

Olivia, Shayne, Keith and Noah wished you good luck and dedicated you a few words of encouragement. You appreciated them and thanked your friends, even if it was the hand wrapped around yours that trully gave you courage.

You didn’t know what you were so afraid of. It was all done and you were feeling completely happy and relaxed. Your mouth did feel weird, a little numb, but everything else was perfect.

“How are you feeling, Y/N?” Courtney asked you as soon as the dentist moved his chair away from you.

“Greeeeeeat, I feel great!” You eyed her gravely. “But there’s marshmallows in my mouth and I can’t eat them”

Courtney threw her head back and laughed out loud at what you had just said. The sound filled the room, making you chuckle in a silly manner.

“Y/N will probably be feeling a little strange today” The dentist warned her, earning a solemn nod from her as she grew more serious again.

“No, no, no, no, no, no” You spoke quickly, trying to figure out why your voice came out muffled. Until you remembered the marshmallows in your gums. Which were actually gauzes, but your foggy mind couldn’t tell at the moment. “I feel fiiine”

“Are you sure? ‘Cause you seem a little high to me”

“Nah, I’m hap-py” You told her, separating the syllabes.

Courtney watched in amusement as you repeated the word ‘happy’, seemingly loving the way it sounded.

“You better sit for a moment before you leave, okay?” The dentist reminded you, patting you in the shoulder.

“Sure! Sure, sure, sure” You chuckled to yourself, grabbing Courtney’s face in your hands and fondly squeezing her cheeks. “I’m in good hands”

She giggled at the comment, even if her cheeks seemed to burn under your touch. When you let go of her, Courtney laughed a little as she kindly squeezed your arm.

“You need anything?” The smile wouldn’t leave her lips as she observed you in your intoxicated state.

“Yes!” You exclaimed, startling her a little because of the sudden change in volume. “I need to tell you something, but don’t tell anyone”

“Okay...” Courtney half.questioned, cautiously leaned forward to hear your secret.

“I like you, Court” You pouted, and she gawked at you while you began sobbing. “I like you so much, oh my god! You’re the best and I love you!”

Much to your surprise, she broke out in laughter. Surelly, she didn’t think you meant it. You weren’t being yourself at the moment, to be fair.

“No, you don’t understand!” You whined, reaching out for her hand to hold it urgently. “I have a big crush on you because you’re amazing! You’re so funny and hardworking and kind and talented and pretty and-”

“Okay, dude...” She awkwardly said, not really knowing how to react. “Thanks”

Next followed a fit of nervous laughter from Courtney as you lowly complained and wallowed in the misery that she didn’t really believe you.

“Don’t laugh at me!” You hid your face in her shoulder, and your friend patted your head to comfort you as you softly sobbed still. “I’m serious!!”

“I’m not laughing at you, Y/N! It’s just, uh...” She continued to chuckle awkardly. “I don’t know...”

“I wanna go home...” You mumbled, still sulky like a child.

“Let’s go” She helped you stand, holding you up in fear that you were still too affected to stand on your own, but you did. More or less. “You know, you’re pretty cute when you’re all whiny”

“Shut up” As you left the dentist consult, you didn’t leave her side.

But Courtney didn’t leave your side either, wanting to make sure you made it home safely. Even after they dropped you off, you lingered on her mind.

The next day you were ready to face embarrassment. You didn’t remember anything that happened and you dreaded to see any possible videos that they might have recorded while you were high after your wisdom teeth were taken out.

“Hey” You heard Shayne’s voice greeting you. “How you feeling?”

“My mouth still hurts” You replied with a shrug. “But what I’m really worried about is what I did yesterday”

He laughed a little, but softly shook his head.

“Don’t worry, Y/N” Shayne calmed you. “You didn’t do anything too embarrassing”

“That’s good”

“I mean, we did get a few laughs out of you, but...”

“Come on...”

“Courtney, though... I think you said some weird things to her”

“What?” You immediately froze, terrified of what you might have said precisely to her.

“Yeah, she was acting a bit weird” He pointed a thumb over his shoulder to where she must have been. “I don’t know”

“Dammit...” You ran to the office to meet with Courtney.

You found her there, sitting in a chair and looking at her phone. She lifted her head at the sound of the door opening and immediately smiled at you.

“Hi, Y/N” However, you could sense some nervousness behind her usual friendly interaction. “Are you feeling better today?”

“Yeah, yeah...” You frowned, mortified to have to face her. “But, uh... Courtney?”

“Yeah? What’s wrong?” Courtney saved her phone to center her attention on you.

“Did I... say something strange to you?”

She looked away at the question and took a little bit to answer. The pause made your heart race in anticipation and fear.

“Yeah, you... kinda... said you have a crush on me” Courtney accompanied her words with a small chuckle that made your heart flutter even more than the statement itself.

“What?! Kill me, just kill me” You hid your face on your hands, suddenly wishing to dissapear. “I’m so sorry”

You heard her quickly stand up and rush to your side to place a hand on your shoulder. When you looked at her, she was showcasing an empathetic expression.

“It’s okay, you probably didn’t mean it right?” She tilted her head in consideration. “Unless you did, because I... might have a crush on you too”

You blankly stared at her, unable to say anything. Your lips moved, urging yourself to summon some words, but still none came out. All you managed was a goofy looking smile and a nod.

Courtney dedicated you a tender smile, even if she averted her beautiful green eyes. You chuckled in awe while also trying to do something. A heavy silence had established, and neither of you knew what to do to avoid it.

Finally, she guffawed and shyly looked back at you.

“You have such a big crush on me that you confessed while you were high” A more relaxed smile grew on her lips, inevitably infecting it to you. “Dude, you had a high crush!!”

You laughed out loud together. You were both incredibly relieved that it had turned out like that. That you were now aware of the situation and comfortable with it. In the end you hugged, looking forward to what the future held for you two.

Tag list: @okay-j-hannah // If you want to be added or taken off the tag list for these fandoms or characters, let me know!!

#youtubers #smosh #courtney miller #courtney miller x reader #reader insert #requested #olivia sui #shayne topp #noah grossman #keith leak jr #rfi writings #ficlet #smosh ficlet #youtubers ficlet #courtney miller ficlet

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sureivy · 4 years

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is that HALSEY? no, that’s just IVY CALDER. SHE is TWENTY-FOUR years old and is an EMPLOYEE AT DON’T FRET & PAWS 4 LOVE. rumor has it they’ve been in town for FOUR MONTHS / TEN YEARS. on a good day, they’re CREATIVE & VERSATILE. but watch out! they can also be IRRESPONSIBLE & VOLATILE. TRIGGER BANG BY LILY ALLEN (FT. GIGGS) plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill!

hello my pals ! i’m amy ( 20 // est // she/her ) and i am super excited to be here! we also over here bringing back a fairly old muse (i,, apparently,, play her during election years,,) with a couple of tweaks, so we love that for me! also! pls forgive me if this is lowkey disorganized, we’ve been in and out of airports all day! can’t wait to contract that sexy corona!

QUICK FACTS:

full name: ivy rose calder

date of birth: may 2, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: taurus sun, pisces moon, aquarius rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: high school diploma

enneagram: 7w8?

mbti: enfp

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

positive traits: creative, versatile, passionate, compassionate

negative traits: irresponsible, volatile, impressionable, hedonistic

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: brief implied sexual abuse, suicide, a lot of death talk?, drug abuse ( desoxyn ), overdose

ivy lived the first eight years of her life in newark, nj. she had a mere family of three – her mother, a model-turned-stay-at-home-mom, her father, a politician, and herself. she was much closer to her mother, but she and her father were close at night.

when her mother finally found out about this, she wasted no time in taking ivy’s father’s side. what a good mom! instead, ya girl was already getting in touch with cps herself... but wow... it was gonna ruin his career in politics :\

“Now, one thing I lerned from Storys is, when something big is about to okur, a riter will go: Then it hapened! This tells the reeder: Get Reddy. Here I go: Then it hapened!” - fox 8

then it happened!

humiliated, clearly never getting a platform back, and absolutely bitter, ivy’s father killed himself before being sent to prison.

Very Tragique™

ok. so. to distance themselves from the poor memories, but to save money, ivy and her mother moved to springhill, temporarily sharing ivy’s aunt’s apartment while her mother began collecting enough money to buy an apartment of their own and keep it.

during this time, ivy was seeing a lot of people and she didn’t know why! they asked questions about her mental health, but she didn’t know why! i mean, totally not traumatic, right?

yes. instead of managing communication well, she became very fascinated by the concept of death. she had many questions about it, she, a youth, had some extended conversations with clergymen about it –– she never killed any animals, god forbid, but she was absolutely fascinated when she ran across them.

SO CLEARLY THAT WAS ALSO TRYING TO BE DEALT WITH.

ok, i’m gonna skip ahead a little. now in teen years and still fascinated by death, but in a healthier way!, and no longer in therapy because... like... that costs a lot of money!

she dealt with it the best she could. became enamored with music... because why wouldn’t she? some covers here and there, some originals here and there, living that youtube lyf, but not expecting anything to come of it. just liked validation! mood!

she also dealt with it the worst she could! became enamored with drugs! naturally, it started out small. some weed, some lsd, some molly –– you know, just drugs that you don’t typically think of as addictive. although her grades suffered, it was harmless enough...

upon graduating high school, she figured... no college. instead, with barely any money to her name, she was like “i... will go to new york... and i will become famous.”

and she did! she did go to new york! she found a few sketchy places that didn’t charge much for a few nights as she began networking - both socially and “i would like to be known for music” (i literally just forgot the word for networking like..... employment wise.... y’all i’m so dumb). when she’d made some friends, she began crashing on couches that were not quite as sketchy!

but :\ she did meet these friends in sketchy places :\ and they were like “ok here r some new and more addictive drugs for u to try!”

what she wound up abusing using the most was desoxyn. it kept her awake, it kept her focused, it even shed a few pounds to create an excellent figure! what wasn’t to love!

i mean it’s literally a prescription methamphetamine,,, when abused,,, literally almost exact same effects as meth,,, but when meth mouth, skin lesions, acne, etc aren’t occurring as a side effect? who was she to care!

20, she released an actual ep with the help of a super cool friend who made everyone call him puppy mills! wow! things were excellent! it wasn’t necessarily seeing mainstream traction, but there was a decent enough following! enough to release an album at 22!

perfect timing, btw! desoxyn was starting to become too expensive for puppy to afford and trying to fake having such a severe form of adhd that desoxyn would be prescribed as opposed to something like ritalin or adderal when it’s literally illegal to prescribe in some countries now?? too hard :\ but the money from the album helped her and puppy!

*olaf vc* puppy died. *end vc*

she was there for it too. she thought it was just a freak-out, took a LITTLE too much, but not OVERDOSE worthy... then he l i t e r a l l y died. and it was a painful death!

“oh wow! maybe prescription meth isn’t super cool after all! shucks!” but that was also an opening?? to visit death herself?? like... she didn’t necessarily want to die (sort of), but she wanted... an answer to the question that had plagued her her entire life... so she was like “ok hope i die then someone revives me but if i die then :\ i guess i die!”

did not die. but also did not get a satisfying answer to her question. the only way it would’ve been truly satisfying? if she had been dead for longer than a minute - then it would’ve given a definite answer! because the answer she received was just nothingness which, while peaceful... is it true?

she tried to detox alone, what because rehab is a business, and it... only... sort of worked. she would be clean for a few weeks, then fall back in, then clean for a few weeks, then fall back in. whenever she wasn’t just naturally focused and awake, or whenever what she was focused on was the past, she would fall back in.

i mean, a side effect is memory loss, so win/win!

she made the semi-wise decision to move back to springhill. wisest would’ve been to just move to a town/city she had absolutely no memories in, but better than moving back to newark!

so... without much to show, and with an unreliable streak, she knew she wouldn’t be able to start looking for much of an occupation – but she still needed money! so she began working at don’t fret out of a love for music, then began working at the animal shelter after completing training.

the main training was, of course, for putting animals to sleep.

FULL CIRCLE.

ah yes. how she pretends it’s healthy... even tho there are studies and statistics relating suicide to veterinarians and shelter workers who euthanize animals... ah yes.

has been back for four months now. love that. do not know how to finish this.

TL ; DR:

born in newark. moved to springhill at 8. childhood trauma that she is still carrying causes fascination with death. “i love music.” moved to ny at 18 because realistic. childhood trauma also causes dependency on desoxyn. releases an ep and an album. does not become famous, but they both have decent traction. moves back after an overdose. relapses... often. now sells records and puts animals to sleep. miss american dream since she was 17, amirite?

PERSONALITY / MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

one person one week, a totally different person the next.

wants to please people, but also wants to be her own person? it’s a whole deal!

in spite of her slight icarian incident, she still hopes to maybe one day become a real musician and performer. until then, we selling records and saying ‘goodbye’ to sweet animals!

can truly flip like a switch in interactions! does love ruining things for herself! almost always feels bad after bc :\ damn :\ alright :\

i’m very bad at these sections i really hate that i always include them!

is still avoiding healthy coping mechanisms. love that for her.

favorite movie is, unironically, the bee movie. favorite horror movie is cats.

SO GOOD at memorizing random lines or trivia. could probably recite literally all of who’s afraid of virginia woolf? other than that?? her memory is so bad. hate drugs for that :\

she uses her hair to express herself! (that sounds really boring.) ...she uses her hair to express herself!

but no. seriously. wears the black shag weave the most, followed by the blue/yellow combo ( we stan the badlands aesthetic ). occasionally forays into other colors and styles when money permits, but it’s usually gonna be one of those two!!

was an envy on the coast stan in high school which makes an inappropriate amount of sense.

will go out and steal the dumbest shit when she’s drunk. has a history of stealing chickens.

once again: hate that i always include these!! feel free 2 j consult the personality parts in the quick facts!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

ok we gonna list some general ones for right now! all are open to multiple people unless there’s an asterisk by it!

close friends –– moonie, teagan,

ride or die

childhood friends –– moonie,

bad influence ( mutual or her on them ) –– veronica ( mutual ),

good influence ( them on her ) –– presley, hayden, gabrielle,

exes ( can be from high school or something like that if based in springhill, can be from 20s in new york if based in new york )

fwb –– trent,

will they, won’t they –– presley,

someone who knew her music ( can be neutral, a fan of it, or hate it afhkjsl ) –– presley, moonie, teagan, indiana,

will also possibly be sending in some wanted connections for things that are! more specific!

truly anything!! also up to brainstorm and/or look at yours if you have them!!

UPDATE: i have created a wc page so we luv that for me.

OK. like this or hmu if you’d like to plot!

#springhillintro #DONT WORRY THERE'S A TL;DR I. DIDNT KNOW WHEN TO STOP.#also!! am gonna leave the ooc post up for a few so i have reference for who liked it bc i must!!#depart for about an hour and a half and i do not want!! to forget!! y'all idk what im doing today.

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calumbringbackthewatermelonshirt · 5 years

Text

5sos OneShot

doctor!5sos headcanons (bc I'm worthless and can't write to save myself rn.)

-so to me, Ashton seems like a peds sort of guy. just really giggly and fun and bright (and you already know this man would be fan-fucking-tastic around kids)

-I think cal would probs be cardio? it’s fast paced and hard core, like him. and I think it takes a lot of talent and concentration so he'd be perfect

-I think Luke is probably trauma… he seems self assured and level headed enough for it.

-which leaves Michael… who, you know what, I think would be good in orthopedics. the nitty gritty, stuff for people who are both strong and…like it rough ;)

-you are the recently appointed chief of surgery, but your specialty was general

-all of them are a bit wary of you at first-you were an outside hire and they all really wanted the job

-you don’t really care. you came here to do your job and do it right.

-although, all of them are really fucking hot

-like really hot

-still, you're the chief. and they all secretly admire the badass chief who takes no shit

-they’ve all heard stories about some of your surgeries and they kinda do know if they’re 100% true or if it’s rumors.

-until theres a huge accident requiring you and Luke to go out into the field together

-you run out of supplies and preform a full tracheotomy in the field

-luke just sits there for a minute like ‘what the fuck just happened?’

-you don’t even acknowledge it and just continue going about with your trauma

-eventually he gets back and tells the boys about it

-now they want to see you in action

-cal’s such a Dom so when he sees you pull off a 10 hour surgery and then go straight into another one, he practically nuts\

-luke is already requesting you for a consult on everything, so then you and Michael have a case together because of Luke and Michael sees you reset like three bones in one fell swoop

-Ashton is the only one to have not worked with you yet, but he’s still a bit wary. these children are his pride and joy, not just everyone gets to operate on them

-after arguing with you for about three hours, you finally pull rank and go talk to the parents.

-they aren’t there so you spend some time with the kid, a really sweet six year old who is freaking out

-you sit with him for a while, just talking about all his favorite things before suggesting you go visit the operating theatre, maybe?

-the kid just pulls a really shy yeah, so you lift him into your arms and make your way down there, calmly and quietly explaining everything

-soon enough, the kid wants to be a doctor just like you, and Ash is halfway in love with you because you know damn well that man heard everything.

-soon enough everything is running so smoothly for you the majority of the department heads are wrapped around your (unknowing) finger

-you have Luke bringing you coffee when you work together on the zombie shifts, both of you barely stumbling though

-Ashton seems to sense when you’re upset and has you come meet some of the kids who are already well, the fun ones with bright spirits

-you and Michael just get each other, always making jokes and goofing off and then snapping back to serious the next second

-Cal, though. Cal made you smile the most. he always paged you for the best surgeries and you loved it. you were the ultimate adrenaline junkie

-sometimes, in the slower moments, you guys would hang out in on call rooms together

-we’re talking movie nights, cuddling through the long nights on call.

-the nurses kept whispering about you, each of them wanting their own piece of the sexy heads of departments

-they don't wonder why you attracted all four of them, though. you're literally the nicest, coolest fucking person they know

-a birthday rolls around, lets say Calum’s, and you go all freaking out

-they rest of the guys (cal’s party was a surprise) had never seen you like this before, but they wished you did

-you were practically bouncing with excitement, like a little puppy ready to play

-eventually the four of them sat down together

-”we have to make a decision.” “I agree. we can’t all keep half dating her like this.” “but no matter what we’re still cool right?” “obviously.”

idk the rest is up to you I guess

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circumswoop · 7 years

Text

perfect, really easy

I hope I can still do this. Write on my phone. Write at all. I still have a messy novel that’s really more of a deconstructed memoir buried in a google doc and I think I have a heart buried somewhere nearby too. The pilot Ben and I are trying to make has been slowed by technical misfortune, substance abuse, and literal distance. I was told from a neutral corner that my dialogue, which is my main consultancy, is too cerebral and will make the show Hard to Sell. If u gave me cash up front, I would be willing to make it dumb. If it’s spec only, I think the smartness of it swings a kind of bellum against my own boredom. It is, indirectly, a show abt a woman who’s turning 30, has two boyfriends, and is constantly thinking up ways to avoid both of them.

I’m in a rental car with two friends in the middle of New Mexico. Scheduled to go to Marfa two weeks ago, we got into some leftover coke one of us had, mere hours out from our flight, and then nobody woke up on time. Hence the rental. This has got me fucked up, the mind-blowing lack of quality control that went into this. Who books a flight and doesn’t show up? Who does coke and then oversleeps? I now have credit toward a future flight, to a destination I can’t imagine, bc the future rn is the only thing I truly believe to be fake news. Where shd I go next–home for christmas? A beach where the sand looks and feels like broken glass? I want to breathe into a balloon til it turns into another planet where depressing inadequacy is not so elemental. I feel like a farmboy who cannot get all his chores done. This year and the whole headlong rush of this epoch toward certain death by profit cannot be sensationalized enough, and yet sensation is almost all it consists of. An indefinite, generalized body feeling is what we are all turning into as news and politics hammer us with detail. All hammer, no sickle. In the time it took to write the last paragraph, which also involved a lot of staring out the window while eating Taco Bell to be honest with you, we crossed from New Mexico into Texas. Welcome to Texas here’s your white hood. Welcome to Texas the state that killed Kennedy. Actually it was a supreme leftist who killed the centrist Kennedy, but the John Birch fascists get all the credit. Such is our myth of Texas that we empower their racists with more historical thought and influence than they ever exerted over their most famous export which is assassination.

I am in Marfa for the unaccustomed luxury of time spent with friends in an unfamiliar place.

At the start of summer I wrote in an email “even better than love’s confessions are its permissions”. According to the Invisible Committee, much of being a radical is refusal of the world. As abstention makes me feel more miserable not less, I can’t relate. Maybe the reason I can’t go full radical, or am fatally reluctant to, is I like being able to say yes a lot. Anytime I feel desolate or estranged, I get kitted out and go be seen in public even if I don’t talk to anyone. Which I usually don’t. My friend Chloe says she does this too. Love only makes sense to me as a radical act. Much of what passes for functional love in this culture is really just a bunch of hyperextended reactions to institutionalized sadness, but lots of luck finding anything better. I’d like to beat bourgeois coupling unconscious as much as any self-made cynic, but when you compare American marriage to, say, American corrections, both of which are needed systems lost for good in insane blears of greed and paranoia, abolition may not be the answer. It’s like, you can fix it only by starting over which is not the same thing as abolition. Abortion maybe, bc you can always try again if u want. Habitually getting mixed up with ppl already in committed relationships is probably just emotional vampirism. Some call it looting, I call it eating. As a marginal figure slightly on the spectrum with anxiety and repression who can still somehow lie and flirt and manipulate at the executive level all while having no interpersonal or socioeconomic prospects that I don’t want anyway, I am a really good last chance for someone with a probably basic, art-damaged kind of life. Married women always speak of their husband figures in slightly awed tones like they can’t believe how lucky they got, like the man is good in all caps and would instantly unravel at the slightest seam in the stocking. Like if he ever caught them stepping out via some OPSEC mistake they made and not even by his own subatomic awareness level, he’d be demolished simply by never having had anything go wrong for him before. Husband is such a specific kind of person-state, grown and trained, and if I were to ever try to be one i would have to hack the shit out of it–although I’m not convinced they’re any less toxic just bc they’re more high-functioning. Meanwhile the wives or wives-in-waiting pretend not to know they’re already starring in a commercial for how much sweetness and light and GOOD do not fulfil. In short, this is the kind of lawlessness that permits radical love but briefly, before turning again to refusal–the refusal to tamper with status quo, to make any kind of permanent alteration. If it’s secretly very trendy to decry structures the existence of which you not so secretly benefit from, what’s worse is to treat those structures more like fabrics to loiter in or on, or touch longingly. Essentialism doesn’t rend.

If you fall in love with someone you’re not really allowed to, and then that love goes mutual, you’re at least tagging yourself in a picture of paradise. But eventually you’ll be asked to leave. And since paradise is just a picture anyway, your image will feel decayed and exposed. Now it’s 2 days later and I’m back in New Mexico. Despite being a dreamlike Klono-state of pleasant denial, Marfa is still in Texas, the roguest of states. We drove near the Mexican border thru light so splendid the terrain looked recently refreshed. We put our hands in natural running water and looked at millipedes stranded on rocks. A thunderstorm diffused somewhere off to the side. Every picture arrives on your phone instantly airbrushed. The sky dies in pinwheels of color every evening and then reblooms like it never happened, sunsets and sunrises as breakdowns and recoveries scaled to look like natural events. Texas is beautiful but it is not art. Drive-thru banks, courthouse annexes, touchless car washes, parked backhoes, so many f150s.

Halcyon Digest, the Deerhunter record that didn’t define a decade but definitely translated it, was on repeat all summer. So we were playing that as we barreled thru arroyos and past rock formations so intricate they looked cut with string, and I remembered a night earlier in this terrible terrible summer when Ben and Andrea and I were doing coke and playing dominos at like 3am and the song Helicopter was on–that’s the one abt the Russian fashion hopeful murdered by sex traffickers. Its lyrics are too beautiful to edit so I will not reprint them here but I remember as Bradford sang “I have minimal needs/and now they are thru with me” something resetting as I looked at the faces of my friends, like a key of exquisite sadness being turned but I did not know in what lock. I’m certain it wasn’t just a drug reference, and I’m certain I won’t realize exactly what it was for years.

On the 10 out of town, just before the Prada store, there is a zeppelin, part of the Tethered Aerostat Radar System, used by border patrol. Its role is surveillance. Unmanned, it hangs perpetually off the ground, secured by a single cable, from which it can reach altitudes of 15,000 feet, a white bulge of eerie focus, as various homing info scatters and beams. If you ran for your life, this is the thing you would imagine hovering over you, just out of frame. The kind of thing that knows it doesn’t have to hurry to get you. So run. Maybe I can still do it.

#texas #marfa #i don't want to die #i just don't want to do this anymore

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studioacs-blog · 7 years

Video

youtube

Zhuangzi: a philosopher of nature; some comparisons with Kant

“In the North Sea, there was a fish called Kun, with the length of thousands of miles. Kun transforms into a bird called Peng, and its back spanned thousands of miles.” In the first chapter of Zhuangzi [1], Zhuangzi painted the ‘sublime’ picture of the mysterious creature of immense figure, that uses wind or the ocean to move freely. Yet Zhuangzi sought the ultimate meaning of being free, which refers to not being dependent on any objects in one’s existence and knowledge.

Despite not having an explicit concept of ‘the sublime’, Zhuangzi[2], the philosopher, scholar and romanticism literati from the Warring States period of China[3], pursued tirelessly the concept of the vastness and infinity of nature and life. Zhuangzi’s school of thought is comparable to Hume’s, in that it did not consist of a systematic building such as works by Plato, Aristotle or Kant (Hansen, “Zhuangzi”). Zhuangzi combined the Daoist metaphysical focus with epistemology when he was examining the world (Augustin, 2011). He was the supporter of core principles of Daoism,[4] such as Wu Wei[5], but what made him distinctive among the Hundred Schools of Thought enlightenment movement[6], was that he takes a naturalistic and “anti-humanistic” approach[7]. Zhuangzi was considered to have laid down the foundation of Chinese Aesthetics[8]. His philosophies also inspired the integration of Chan Buddhism[9] in China a few centuries later.

From a first glimpse, Zhuangzi and Kant could not be more different: Kant stresses individual transcendence, while Zhuangzi is concerned with natural immanence (Nelson, 2011). They both envision the concepts of freedom, harmony and balance (Nelson, 2010), yet Kant focuses more on the senses and experiences of humans, and talks about freedom of humans from nature. Zhuangzi proposes fusing the existential human experience with the nature, and blurring the lines between the truth of being, and the “reality of a dream”[10].

However, there are also a few similarities between Zhuangzi and Kant. For instance, the discussion of the sublime, is also implanted in the Daoist mysticism and expressed as a metaphysical reality[11]. In many occurrences, Daoism mysticism is used to deal with what is referred to as the fearful unknowingness of fate, the cosmos, and the nature.

In the west, we had Socrates who discussed the possibility of afterlife[12]. The Daoist way of treating the sublimity of life (and death) is more pessimistic, as Zhuangzi puts it, the matter of life and death is ‘as natural as sky turning bright and dark’, transformable and insignificant. Daoism implies that the highest form of enlightenment is recognizing life and death as ��futile’, simply transcending the awareness of them (Smullyan, 1977). Hence, when we look at Zhuangzi’s discussions of nature, we can interpret it as a conceptualization of the sublime, an idealization of the uncanniness, something that is without origin or ending, concept or form.

Zhuangzi and Kant also had similarities in their judgements of aesthetic. They both consider it a subjective thought, and both focus on the psychological analysis of the subject. Kant considers the beautiful to be what pleases universally without a concept, or purposive without purpose (van den Braembussche, 2009). Thus, “a stuff that has work to do” is not in the range of judgement of beauty (Kant,1952). Zhuangzi suggests that the spiritual pleasure only makes sense when it is no longer being suppressed by the material gain, and people should get rid of substances to achieve ‘absolute freedom’ (Coutinho, 2004). In comparison to Kant, who dives into the pure forms of beauty constructed by “sense experience, understanding and feeling”, Zhuangzi considers the virginity and unknowingness of nature as the pure and the beautiful, and he constantly talks about Wuhua, the merging of self with the nature[13].

Once, Zhuangzi and his friend, philosopher Huizi had a debate over the joy of fish in the river. Zhuangzi stated that the fish were happy, but Huizi questioned how he could have known that when he was not a fish himself. Zhuangzi answered, “you are not me, how do you know I cannot know the joy of fish through my own joy?” Zhuangzi rejected the rational and dogmatic reasoning, and resorted to imaginative abilities of men, exploring the possibility of transcending the boundaries between human and non-human existence, and in some way, this resembles the notion of a priori intuition proposed by Kant. However, when Kant considers the human perception shaped by space and time, the “a priori forms of sensible knowledge” (van den Braembussche, 2009), Zhuangzi employs skepticism, more specifically, a “sense skepticism” with regards to the validity of one’s sensed realities (Ivanhoe, 1993).

This essay shallowly picks up a few fragments of this magnificent school of thought to compare to Kant’s, yet there are other western philosophers who have been compared to Zhuangzi, such as Nietzsche, Hegel, or even Huxley. We invite you to check out the links below, as well as seek more thorough researches online. (825 words)

[1] 逍遥游 (Wandering in Absolute Freedom), also translated as “Free and Easy Wandering” or “Going Rambling Without a Destination”, is the first chapter of Zhuangzi, an anthology of texts of the philosophy school lead by Zhuangzi. This is one of the earliest texts that contributed to the philosophy of Daojia, or school of the Way, and later influenced the development Daoism as a theology and secular philosophy / religion. Consult this Encyclopedia of Philosophy entry http://www.iep.utm.edu/zhuangzi/#SH3a for more summaries and interpretations of this particular chapter, or any other interesting contents of Zhuangzi (note: this chapter consists of mainly mythical and metaphorical writings, whereas later chapters focus more on actual ideas and conceptualizations).

[2] Zhuangzhou, often known as Zhuangzi, was born around 369 BC and died around 286 BC. He was born roughly around a century after Confucius’ death, but nevertheless established his status among the flourishing Schools of Thoughts. Unlike many other scholar turned politicians of his time(advisors), Zhuangzi only ever secured an official position once, as a low ranked county clerk. One would think being an official at all is completely against Zhuangzi’s beliefs, but according himself it was the perfect balance between earning a bit of money to get by, and enjoying his freedom.

[3] Eastern Zhou dynastic periods of ancient China, was divided by Spring and Autumn period (dating from approximately 771 to 475 BC), and the Warring States Period (475 to 221 BC, until first unified empire of China was established, known as the Qin Dynasty).

[4] It is difficult for us to summarize Daoism (also known as Taoism), the school of the Way, but a 7”31’ YouTube video of explanations https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcQcwPAiMwI might provide you with some basic principles. And this text by the Met Museum is one of the best and clear introduction of Daoism and Daoist art, if you are interested in learning about the historical context and positions of Daoism before and after Zhuangzi: http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/daoi/hd_daoi.htm

[5] Wu Wei (无为) is one of the core principles of Taoist living, mainly stressing ‘the concept of non-action and non-interference with the natural order of things”. This philosophy is deeply rooted in the making of Chinese culture and the way of thinking and doing for Chinese people, for more than two thousand years.

[6] The enlightenment movement, The Hundred Schools of Thoughts, occurred during the Warring States Period mentioned above. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSfM3bYL0q8 this 6”30’ video briefly the 3 contending foundational schools of thought: Confucianism / Ruism (Confucius, Mencius, etc.), Daoism (Lao Tzu, Zhuangzi, etc.) and Legalism (Guanzi, etc.). Besides representatives for each of these systematic philosophies, there are many other scholars who propose different ideas and form their own schools, such as Mozi, Huizi, Sun Tzu, etc.

[7] More critiques on this ‘misinterpretation’ of Zhuangzi’s seemingly anti-humanistic philosophy, please read the marvellous and thorough chapter of ‘China, Nature, and the Sublime in Kant’. The author also criticises Kant to be ‘racist’ when it comes to Chinese philosophies and that he was not “getting” Daoism. https://philpapers-org.eur.idm.oclc.org/archive/NELCNA.pdf

[8] “Is there such a thing as Chinese Aesthetics?” Check out p.96 of this journal: http://www.journals.vu.lt/problemos/article/view/10357

[9] “By the fourth century A.D., a distinctly Chinese form of Buddhism emerged that was harmonized with the ancient teachings of the Daoist sage, Lao Tzu. It became known as Chan Buddhism and it had some similarities to the more widely recognized Japanese variation, Zen Buddhism.” Read more about the developments of Chan Buddhism here: http://www.dharmalounge.net/chan-buddhism-the-secret-and-sublime

[10] A quote by Zhuangzi says, “One who dreams of drinking wine may in the morning weep; one who dreams weeping may in the morning go out to hunt. During our dreams, we do not know we are dreaming. We may even dream of interpreting a dream. Only on waking do we know it was a dream. Only after the great awakening will we realize that this is the great dream.” http://acc6.its.brooklyn.cuny.edu/~phalsall/texts/chuangtz.html (web page of quotes from Zhuangzi)

[11] In Daoism, there are a lot of mythical elements presented as “truth”, or “reality”, in order for people to understand that the life they are experiencing right now, is not the only truth or reality. The depth of this topic though is extremely hard to explain, here is a podcast of some discussions (around 14”) if you would like to be inspired https://youtu.be/rcvqZYeb_x4

[12] Interesting and well-made video on philosophers’ perspectives on death (crash course philosophy) featuring Socrates, Epicurus, and Zhuangzi! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjQwedC1WzI (9”)

[13] To better understand Zhuangzi’s conception of ‘merging with nature’, here is an intriguing and representative tale about Zhuangzi’s butterfly dream, briefly introduced by this dude (4”) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t-IVCI1KHk

Along with the poem about drinking and dreaming in note 10, these are two of the most representative instances of ‘dreaming’ in Zhuangzi. Zhuangzi takes a normative and relativist approach in constructing realities / imaginaries. In an Ivanhoe (1993) essay, the two texts are analyzed more in detail: https://www-jstor-org.eur.idm.oclc.org/stable/1465056

References:

Augustin, B. (2011). Daoism and Daoist Art. Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History. New York: The Metropolitan Museum of Art. Retrieved from http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/daoi/hd_daoi.htm

Coutinho, S. (2004). Zhuangzi and early Chinese philosophy vagueness, transformation and paradox. Abingdon: Routledge.

Hansen, C. (2017). “Zhuangzi”, In E. N. Zalta (ed.), The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Spring 2017 Edition). Retrieved from https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/spr2017/entries/zhuangzi/

Ivanhoe, P. J. (1993) Zhuangzi on Skepticism, Skill, and the Ineffable Dao, Journal of the American Academy of Religion, 61(4), pp. 639-654. Retrieved from https://www-jstor-org.eur.idm.oclc.org/stable/1465056

Kant, I. & Meredith, S. J. C. (1952). The Critique of Judgement. Translated with Analytical Indexes by James Creed Meredith. Oxford.

Nelson, E. S. (2011). Kant and China: Aesthetics, Race, and Nature. Journal of Chinese Philosophy, 38: 509 - 525. Retrieved from http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com.eur.idm.oclc.org/doi/10.1111/j.1540-6253.2011.01672.x/full

Nelson, E. S. (2010). China, Nature, and the Sublime in Kant. In S. R. Palmquist (ed.), Cultivating Personhood: Kant and Asian Philosophy (pp. 333-348). Berlin: Walter de Gruyter. Retrieved from https://philpapers-org.eur.idm.oclc.org/archive/NELCNA.pdf

Smullyan, R. M. (1977). The Tao is silent. New York: Harper & Row.

van den Braembussche, A. (2009). Aesthetic judgement: The legacy of Kant. In Thinking Art (pp. 111-137). Springer.

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