#which sucks because I had a real good idea of a piece I wanted to draw but...

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Mistakes

Summary: You were tired of men making decisions for you. Even though they had your best interest at heart, all they ended up doing was breaking your heart more and more. After reuniting Joel with his brother Tommy (your Ex who left the QZ without telling anyone including you) in a town called Jackson and an overdue argument with Joel Miller you finally confess your feelings for him, spending the night with the older brother, only to wake up alone in an empty house with him and Ellie gone.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader (former Tommy Miller x fem. reader)

Wordcount: 6.4k

Rating: E

Warnings: angst, pining, feelings, Joel Miller not being good at those feelings, past heartbreak, current heartbreak, mentioned of miscarriage, more angst, also some smut (unprotected sex), kissing, mentions of violence, stitches, blood

A/N: this summary sucks but I have no idea how to make it better. Let’s hope the fics doesn’t suck like it lmao

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It was like entering the twilight zone when the gates opened.

People were wandering the streets with smiles on their faces. You could hear children's laughter. Some people stopped and nodded towards you as you passed by them on the horse the people who had found you had put you on. 

Your gaze always slipped back to Ellie and Joel in front of you. Watching them closely. 

The woman who had talked to Joel, Maria, had not given you much more information other than to follow them after she learned Joel’s name and that he was looking for his brother Tommy. 

But you had seen in her face that she recognised the name. 

If you were honest with yourself you never believed you would really find him. Tommy. 

It had been such a long time since Joel had heard from him last and the only reason you agreed to join him in his search for Tommy was because you were scared of losing the last connection you had to your previous life. 

Tommy, Joel and you grew up together. 

When you thought of them you thought of summers at the Miller’s pool. Of thirteen year old Joel trying to teach five year old you how to swim while six year old Tommy kept trying to pull you under the water. 

The little shit. 

Of course as you turned older your interests changed, yet you all still managed to spend at least a week of the summer break together out for mischief. 

And then it all changed when Tommy Miller kissed you. 

It was after Joel left for College and if you were honest with yourself you had been crushing on him for a while at that point. 

You and Tommy had been together for two years before you found him kissing another girl. 

God, you had been so heartbroken back then. 

He had been your first real boyfriend and a tiny part of you thought he'd be the man you would marry and have kids with. Sixteen year old you had her life planned out to the dot. 

It had taken years for you to accept him as a friend again. 

Joel and you had become closer in the meantime. He’d told you all about his plans to open his own business and that he wanted to propose to his girlfriend. 

You were also the first person he told when he learned that he’d become a father. 

He had been scared but so happy. 

And you knew from the moment you saw him hold Sarah for the first time, that he would move heaven and earth for his little girl. Nothing would stay in his way. Not when his girlfriend left him with a toddler, not when both of his parents died, leaving him to deal with everything on his own. 

Sarah was his whole world. 

Until the world ended. 

The years after that were dark and painful. That was the excuse you used, that you needed to feel something different for at least a little moment, when you started to sleep with Tommy again. 

Which went on for years even after you made it to the QZ.

Until he left without a word. 

Leaving you and his brother again to pick up the pieces. 

“Tommy!” you heard Joel shout and your eyes followed his gaze, his horse stopping as he jumped off. 

He looked different. Older than you remembered him. But there walking down the steps was indeed Tommy Miller. 

Joel had found him. 

His eyes found yours as he hugged his brother, whispering your name in disbelief. 

For a moment, a small moment you were beyond relieved to find him alive and well. Anger replaced that feeling pretty quickly. He was alive and well and in a fucking functioning town without ever sending a fucking message?

You had stopped counting how often you had been almost killed on this mission to find him because Joel and you thought something had happened to him and he needed saving. 

You closed your eyes, swallowing your anger, finding Ellie watching you when your eyes opened again. 

“Let’s have something to eat,” Maria said next to you and you gave her a sharp nod, leaving the Miller brothers behind. 

You hated the fact that you cried when you were angry. 

Tears were streaming down your face as you showered under the warmest fucking water you had felt in years, scrubbing your body furiously. 

The nerve he had. 

Not only was he perfectly fine, no he was married and about to be a father. 

You didn’t like the way his wife Maria kept glaring at Joel not trying to be sneaky about it. 

You could only imagine what he had told her.

He used to blame Joel for what you all had done after the outbreak on your way to the Boston QZ. You had always argued about it in the privacy of the shitty apartment you shared back in the QZ. Because Tommy was a fully grown man when he killed those people. He could have stopped and left. But it was easier to blame someone else for the decisions he was too scared or cowardly to make. 

You could only hope that you’d be out of here first thing in the morning before you’d explode. 

Of course life had other plans. 

You walked into the house across the street just as Maria tried to warn Ellie about Joel. 

“But there are clearly things you don't know about Joel,” you heard Maria say. You stopped outside the window to listen.

“Oh, like how he used to kill people? I know about that,” Ellie said.  

“So then you understand my concern.”

“He doesn't do that anymore,” Ellie defended him. 

“He stopped killing people?” Maria asked and you rolled your eyes. 

“Innocent ones. And Tommy did it, too. Are you worried about him?” 

You chose that moment to walk into the house, finding Ellie sitting in the kitchen, Maria cutting her hair. 

“Tommy was following Joel. The way you are now,” Maria said looking at you. 

“No offence but you have no idea what you are talking about,” you said and she raised her eyebrow. 

“I think I do,” she said, putting the scissors down. 

“Yeah? You are comparing a fourteen year old girl to a fully grown man who had all the time in the world to step away and stop what we did back then. But he didn’t. He never stops. He’s a fucking…” you stopped yourself, taking a deep breath. 

“He told me about you. About how he regrets leaving without a word,” Maria said. 

You scoffed. 

“Sure he does. He always regrets doing things after he did them. That’s why he never sent word that he’s alive.”

“That’s my fault. And he didn’t know that you’d be coming to look for him,” she said.

“That’s what family does. We look out for each other. But maybe we’re not family anymore. Come on Ellie,” you said and she got up from the chair immediately, walking towards you. 

“Stop,” Maria said and you sighed. 

“I’ll take her to the movies and you…. I think you, Joel and Tommy need to talk.”

“You’re angry,” Joel looked up at you as you sat down next to him. He was trying to fix his boots. 

“I thought I wasn’t anymore but…. Fuck look around this place? I’m just so… Fuck I really want to punch him,” you groaned and Joel chuckled. 

“I know the feelin’,” he sighed. 

You let your head fall against his shoulder, closing your eyes. 

You felt his lips on your temple. 

„You gonna tell him?“ He whispered. Your opened your eyes, shaking your head. 

„Don’t think he would care,“ you mumbled. 

„I think you would be surprised,“ he said quietly.

You both sat there in silence for a moment. 

„I’m weak,“ Joel said after a moment. You sat yourself up, your head turning to look at him. 

„What do you mean?“ 

He sighed, not looking up at you as he focused on fixing his shoes. 

„Lately, there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere, and... my heart... feels like it's stopped. And I have dreams. Every night,“ he said quietly. 

You carefully put your hand on his shoulder.

„What kinda dreams?“

„I don't know. I can't remember. I just know that when I wake up... I've lost somethin’,“ you saw the tears in his eyes. You knew something had changed in the last weeks. He was more quiet, staring of in the distance when he thought you weren’t looking. 

„I'm failin' in my sleep. That's all I do. It's all I've ever done is fail her again and again. I fail you again and again. I see you die ever single night in my dreams and I…“ you put your arms around his shoulders, tears running down your cheeks. 

„I can’t protect you anymore,“ he whispered and you tensed.

„I’m gonna… I’m gonna ask Tommy to take her. I’m just gonna get her killed. Both of you. I know it. I have to leave…“ you did not give him a chance to continue, jumping up from your position. 

„You gonna ask Tommy to take her? What about me? You gonna just…. Let him take me too? Because you know I won’t leave her. We’re all she has Joel,“ you said, your voice getting louder. 

„You could stay here. It’s safe. You would be safe…“ he said but you shook your head. 

„Stay here with Tommy? Super happy Tommy who finally got the right woman pregnant?“ You yelled. 

He said your name, pleading but you shook your head. 

„You know, I should have seen this coming. I knew I would end up alone. First him, now you… I really thought that you felt…“ you shook your head, „How silly of me to think it would be different with you…“ you laughed bitterly, stubbornly brushing the tears away. 

You took a deep breath. 

„One day you are gonna wake up and realise that the only reason why you feel so alone, is because you pushed everyone away. Because you think you don’t deserve to be cared for. Tommy, Ellie…. Me….,“ you shook your head before you looked at him. 

„Don’t bother asking Tommy. I’m gonna leave with her first thing in the morning. You’ll never gonna see either of us again,“ you said before you turned around, ignoring him calling after you, hoping you’d made it back to the house before you broke down. 

You hadn’t even crossed the street when you heard your name being called, Tommy’s familiar voice startling you. 

You just walked faster, not bothering to stop. 

„Please just…“ you felt his hand on your shoulder and you whirled around, glaring up at the man you once loved so much. 

„Leave me alone,“ you gritted through your clenched teeth, before turning away from him. 

„It’s what you Miller’s do best,“ you called over your shoulder before you made your way back to the house. 

You laid awake in bed when you heard the door open. 

You had told Ellie in the most gentle way that it would only be you who would take her to the fireflies. Of course she had questions, and you promised her to answer every single one once you were on the road. 

She had fallen asleep rather quickly before you made your way to the biggest bedroom. You just laid down on the bed, fully clothed staring at the ceiling as the hours passed by. 

You were broken, you had been for a long time. 

The only thing you could always count on to keep you going was Joel. 

He was your rock and part of you always thought you were his. Even when he was with Tess or any other women. At the end of the day, once he needed someone to talk, to really talk to, he always came to you. 

He held you when you found out you were pregnant after Tommy left. 

He was there when you woke up in pain, he was there when you found out you lost the baby.

He was always there. 

And along the way you fell in love with him. 

You turned your head to look at Joel who was standing in the door just looking at you. 

It was like there was something in the air all of the sudden, the hairs on your neck standing up as his eyes moved over your body, his gaze lingering on your lips. 

„I’m sorry,“ he said quietly, slowly walking towards you. 

When you didn’t say anything as he stopped in front of the bed he slowly sat down, reaching for one of your hands. You were too tired to fight him.  

„You were right,“ he started, his thumb running over the back of your hand, his head turned down. 

„I keep pushing you away because I’m so fucking scared to lose someone else I…,“ he shook his head. 

„I care about. I care about you so much, it scares me. It would kill me if something happened to you, because I was to weak to protect you. And I… I can’t lose you. I just can’t. I wanna keep you safe and….“

„Joel….“ You interrupted him and he looked at you as you slowly sat yourself up so you were kneeling on the bed next to him. You reached the hand he was not holding up, your fingers brushing over his cheek, his eyes closing slowly as he released a shuddering breath. 

Your hand lingered on his skin, your fingertips rubbing over the corner of his lips and his eyes flipped open, finding yours. 

„You know I love you, right?“ You whispered and his eyes softened for a small moment, before he nodded. 

„Then please let me in and let me love you,“ you said before you leaned in and kissed him softly.

He tensed for a moment before one of his hands came to the back of your head, deepening the kiss, pulling you closer, his other hand on your back. 

„Joel,“ you gasped, your hands pulling at his shirt until he parted from you, taking his shirt off. You let your hands wander up your chest before you pulled your own shirt off, leaving you in just your old bra.

„Fucking beautiful,“ he whispered before he kissed you again, slowly leaning over you until you were laying in bed with him above you. 

Joel slowly kissed down your throat, your chest until he gave all his attention to your breasts. He sucked on your nipples through the thin worn fabric of your bra until you sat yourself up, almost making him fall off the bed, both of you laughing as you took it off, a groan leaving his mouth, one of his hands palming himself. You bit into your bottom lip before you got closer to him, your fingers opening his belt buckle, then his pants. 

He stopped you before you could get any further. 

„Let me make you feel good first,“ he whispered, kissing you forehead. 

„Later,“ you said, looking at him, something in his eyes darkening as he saw the lust in yours. 

Within seconds you both were naked and he just looked at you in awe as he knelt between your parted legs. 

His hands wandered up your thighs, his fingers running shivers over your whole body, your back arching. 

„Please Joel,“ you whispered, your hands coming to rest on his hips until he finally leaned down and kissed you, one of his hand wrapped around his cock as he swiped the head through your wet pussy, teasing your clit with it, making you moan.

He lined himself up, kissing you deeply as he slowly entered you inch by inch, both of you panting against each others mouths.

„Shiiiit, you feel perfect. Fucking perfect,“ he grunted before he began to move, thrusting slowly inside of you, his arms wrapped around your body, his lips all over you. 

No matter how close he was, you wanted him closer, your arms wrapped around his back, pulling him against you as he continued to fuck you deeply. 

He kissed away the tears that escaped your eyes, overwhelmed at finally being so close to him. Holding him. Feeling him. 

He made you cum twice before he pulled out and came with a groan of your name, his cum spilling all over your stomach. 

He cleaned you up after, holding you close, kissing you until you fell asleep. 

While he watched over you, praying to whatever god there still was, that you would forgive him. 

You didn’t stir when Joel left your bed after he watched you sleep until the room slowly filled with light at the upcoming sunrise. 

You didn’t feel it as he kissed your forehead before he slowly got up from the bed and got dressed, grabbing his bag. 

You didn’t hear his whispered „Forgive me“ as he stepped out of the room.

You were sleeping so deeply you didn’t even hear Eliie argue as Joel walked her out of the house.

Not looking back towards the house you were sleeping in. 

The first thing you noticed was that you were warm. You hadn’t felt warm in a long time. Smiling to yourself you slowly opened your eyes, frowning immediately as you noticed how bright it was outside. 

Your eyes found the old cock on the bedside table, widening as you noticed that it was already around noon. 

„Shit,“ you cursed, your head now turning to the other side of the bed where Joel had laid next to you only to find it empty. 

A uneasy feeling washed over you as you took the room in, finding it vacant of anything that belonged to Joel. 

Suddenly fully awake you jumped out of bed, dressing yourself within seconds before you walked out of the room and across the hallway opening the door to the room Ellie had been asleep in. 

Empty. 

Your breath came in short pants, your throat squeezing tight, the beginnings of a panic attack making their entrance as your hands started to shake. 

Shaking your head you tried to get your lungs to fill with air, your back leaning against the wall behind you. 

Tears were springing into your eyes.

He wouldn’t just leave you after last night. Right?

Not after he….

A knock on the door let you jump up, running down the stairs, opening the door to find the wrong Miller brother standing in front of it, his expression one you could read without words. 

„He’s gone, isn’t he?“ You whispered. 

Tommy only nodded. 

Taking a deep breath you looked up towards the ceiling, shaking your head slowly. 

„Talked to the council. You can stay here as long as you want. Gotta take up some work at some point but there’s no rush…“

You scoffed. 

„You must be really delusional if you think I am going to stay here,“ you said, looking at him. You were still angry, but more so tired. Tired of always being the second choice.

He said your name, almost pleading. 

„I’m sorry for not telling you before I left. I thought it was easier to just… rip the bandaid off. I knew you’d be okay. You’re one of the strongest people I ever met. And I… I just couldn’t stay there with Joel and….“

You wanted to tell him then. 

To tell him that he broke that strong person he thought you were. 

Finding out the day after he left that you were pregnant with his child, broke you. 

And you couldn’t tell him that to this day you blamed that the stress of him leaving made you lose the baby you never got to meet. 

It wouldn’t help anyone to tell him. 

„I am going to get my stuff and I want a horse and some supplies. Then I’ll be out of here. I can’t keep doing this…“ you said. 

„No, No please stay. I want to… I want to make this right between us. I promised Joel I…“ Tommy began, but you held a hand up, stopping him. 

„Maybe you and your brother should try talking to me before making all the decisions for me. A horse and some supplies. You owe me that much. After that I’ll make sure we never cross ways again,“ you didn’t wait for his reply, turning around and marching up the stairs to pack your stuff. 

An hour later you were settled on top of a horse called Diamond. Tommy had gotten you the supplies you asked for, even a first aid kid and walked next to you as the gate opened. 

„Where are you gonna go?“ He asked. 

„Away,“ you only answered, even though you had a clear destination in mind, before you took one last look at him. You saw his wife standing on the end of the street, watching you. 

As you looked back at Tommy you realised that you felt nothing for the man who was looking up at you now.

„I know you love him,“ he startled you. 

„Pretty sure he loves you too, so once you found him, don’t be too hard on him. We Miller’s a stubborn bunch of people who only want to protect the people we love. Even if it ends up hurting them even more,“ he said, keeping his eyes on you. 

„Take care of your wife,“ was all you said before you kicked your legs to ride out of Jackson. 

The town you found shelter in seemed abandoned enough to rest until this blizzard passed by. It should’t be more than a days ride to the university of the fireflies now, but you could not make it in this storm. So you bunked down in a abandoned house, the windows and doors already barricaded making sure Diamond, your horse, had something to drink and eat in the garage before you bunked down in the surprisingly tidy house next to it. 

You even found some food, including long expired peaches that brought a small smile to your face as you thought about how much Ellie would love them. 

It was on the next morning that you heard a noise outside. You made your way into the garage, finding Diamond getting nervous too.

You petted her nose before you slowly risked a glance outside of the broken window of the garage, your eyes widening when through the heavy snow falling outside, you could make Ellie out on top of a horse. 

You put your jacket on and opened the door, startling the girl who now had her riffle pointed at you. 

You held your hands up and her shoulders fell as she realised who you were, starting to sob. 

It was then that you noticed that the horse she was sitting on, was dragging something behind it, the air leaving your lungs one one gasp as you realised that it was Joel.

And he was not awake.

„How long?“ You asked Ellie, willing your fingers to warm up as you dug through your first aid kit. 

Ellie had helped you carry Joel inside. Now she was sitting on the little sofa, her tears still running down her cheek as she watched you. 

„Three hours ago? Maybe more? I don’t know. We… We were at the university and we…. We were almost out when that man….“

You were closer to the university than you thought then.

You were dying to walk over to her to soothe her, but Joel was your first priority. He looked very pale, his lips blue from the cold. With shaking fingers your unzipped his jacket, fighting down the whimper as you saw how much blood he was still loosing, your hand immediately pressing down to stop the bleeding.

Ellie had made a good job with the bandage she had put on his wound. 

He didn’t even stir. 

„It was a broken baseball bat. He… he pulled it out and he was okay at first but then he… he… he fell and now he’s not….“

„Ellie,“ you said and she looked at you with wide wet eyes. 

„You did the right thing. He shouldn’t have pulled it out but there’s nothing we can do about it now. I am… I am gonna try to fix him, okay?“ You said, nodding as if to make yourself believe that you could. 

She mirrored you.

„Can I help?“ Ellie asked. 

„There’s a bathroom upstairs. Get as many towels as possible and then get a bucket with snow from outside. Snow from the top. We need…. We need to clean him. But I don’t have… We….“ You took a deep breath, stopping your ramble.

„Towels and snow, got it,“ she said, throwing her backpack down before she made her way upstairs. 

You took a deep breath, sucking your bottom lip in. 

„Don’t you die on me Joel Miller, I still have to yell at you“ you whispered as you leaned down, to kiss his temple before you used the scissors of your first aid kit to cut his shirt open. 

It came to you on the day after, that the only stitches you ever did were on Joel Miller’s body. You had stitched a cut on his upper arm almost fifteen years ago. Then a bulled wound on his hip.

But that was nothing like what you were dealing with here. 

You had used the little bottle of disinfectant to clean his wound as best as you could, before you stitched him up and he had not even moved a muscle through all of it. 

It was sometime during the early morning hours that he stirred, waking up only enough to ask after Ellie, falling back asleep immediately when you came into his line of view, his whispered name on your lips. 

You and Ellie had pulled him in as many blankets as possible to get him to warm up. 

It was like you checked the wound hourly to make sure it wasn’t bleeding anymore and somehow in the early hours of the afternoon it seemed to stop. 

Ellie was spending almost all her time outside in the garage with the horses after she woke up. She wasn’t talking much, but she had told you that she was glad you had found them. 

A groan made you jump up and you found Joel’s eyes flutter open, taking in his surroundings until his eyes focused on you, whispering your name, his voice hoarse.

„How are you feeling?“ You asked softly, coming to kneel next to him, your hand on his cheek. 

„Like I got stabbed by a bat,“ he groaned and you felt the tears springing into your eyes as you smiled sadly. 

„Not the time for jokes Miller,“ you said and he sighed, his head turning in your hand.

„Ellie?“ He asked. 

„In the garage with the horses,“ you said and he nodded slowly. 

„'Am sorry,“ he said and you shook your head. 

„It’s okay,“ you said and now he shook his head. 

„Was a shitty thing to leave,“ he grunted. 

„Yeah it was. And I am gonna yell at you for that, but only once you are all healed up,“ you promised with a small smile, your fingers brushing over your skin. 

The door flew open and Ellie ran in with wide eyes. 

„There was someone out there,“ she said and your eyes widened before you got up while she knelled down next to Joel who was trying to get up.

„Wait here with him and do not let him get up,“ you instructed Ellie as you made your way out into the garage. 

The windows of the whole house were barricaded so the only way to actually look outside were the broken windows over the garage door. 

You carefully stepped onto the chair you had found inside to look out of the window and you could see three men walk down the street, as if they were looking for something. They didn’t look like they were raiders, not carrying any kind of bags or supplies on them. And only one was holding a handgun. You were glad that it had continued to snow during the night, covering up all the tracks that led to the house. 

You watched as they rounded the block, noticing how thin they looked as they walked back the way they came from, unease washing over your body. 

„They must be around here somewhere. How far can they get? Rodrick fucking stabbed him with his bat,“ you heard one of them mutter as they walked past the house, your heart stopping. 

They were looking for Joel.

For Joel and Ellie. 

You had to get out of here. 

You watched them until they had left the street, before you got down from the chair.

Still in your thoughts you made you way back inside the house.

The longer you thought about them the more uncomfortable you became. You had the same feeling a couple times before, the last time just before you made it out of Kansas City, a city you only barely survived. 

Both Ellie’s eyes and Joel’s were on you when you entered the room. 

„It would be better for Joel to stay here and heal but…“

„We have to leave?“ Ellie asked and you nodded. 

„I…They are looking for you. I heard them talk,“ you said as you knelt down on the other side of Joel who was looking up at you. You put your hand on his forehead, noticing that he was running a little hot. 

You would need medicine for him. You only had some expired aspirin. That wouldn’t help him if his wound got infected. 

„We’ll leave first thing in the morning,“ you decided, hoping that it would be for the best.

It was a four day ride back to Jackson.

Four days that felt like four weeks. 

Joel had been strong enough to get on his feet on the morning you left and both Ellie and you had helped him up into the saddle before you got onto the horse in front of him, using two belts you had found upstairs to strap him against you, his arms coming to wrap around you.

You heard every groan of pain he let out as he tried to keep himself up on the horse. 

On the second day, once you were far enough away from the town you felt him burn up, mumbling against your ear, his head resting on your shoulder. 

It was getting harder to keep him on the horse with you, Ellie riding next to you, her worried eyes always on Joel. 

More than once he told you to just leave him and get both you and Ellie to safety but you and Ellie were having none of it. 

When you saw the gates of Jackson you were almost crying, Ellie galloping in front of you even though you called after her to slow down, hoping they wouldn’t just shot her on sight. 

But then the gate opened and for the first time in a long time you were glad to see Tommy Miller running towards you, already yelling commands out. 

The next hours were a blur. 

You pretty much passed out the moment you knew Joel was taken care off. You woke up to beeping in a dark room, only a little lamp on the table next to the bed you were laying in,  your eyes immediately finding Ellie who had cuddled on the bed next to you. You carefully put an arm around her before you noticed someone else in the room. 

Joel was laying in the bed next to yours, the constant beep of the monitor telling you that his heart was still beating. 

You closed your eyes, releasing a shuddering breath as you tried to keep the tears in that were threatening to escape your eyes. 

Ellie shifted in your arms and she turned around, her arm sneaking around you, her eyes looking up at you. 

„Thank fuck you’re awake, these people around here are weird,“ she said and you huffed a laugh, hugging her closer. 

„How long…?“ You asked but she interrupted you. 

„We came here yesterday just before dinner. Breakfast was two hours ago? I’m not sure,“ she mumbled. You both jumped when the door opened, your head turning just in time to see Tommy walk in, followed from an older man. 

„You’re awake,“ the man said and you sat yourself up, the sudden move making your head spin. 

„I’m Carl, I’m the town doctor,“ he introduced himself to you before he walked over to Joel.

„Is he gonna be okay?“ You asked.

„Thanks to some medication and some generous blood donations,“ he eyed Tommy, „he should be making a full recovery. Nice stitches,“ he complemented and you released a relieved breath.

„You should have seen the blood transfusion, it was super gross,“ Ellie said with a shudder that made you laugh. 

„I want you to rest too. You were severely dehydrated. That must have been some exhausting couple of days for you,“ he said, giving you a small smile before he looked at Tommy and left the room. 

It was quiet in the room for a moment as you tried not to look at Tommy. 

Ellie suddenly sat herself up with a hum.

„Weeeeeell this isn’t awkward at all, so I’m gonna go and get us some food,“ she announced before she jumped off the bed and left you alone with the Miller brothers. 

For a long time the only noise inside the room was the constant beeping of Joel’s heart monitor.

„Why did you leave without saying anything?“ You finally asked and Tommy shifted in the chair he was sitting in. 

„I couldn’t stay. Joel was…. He was getting more and more reckless. Then there was the fucking drugs. I wanted to… I though I could make the world better. just couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t watch him destroy himself any longer. And I am sorry I didn’t tell you. You didn’t deserve that,“ he said and you nodded. 

„I know the things we all did were horrible. They haunt me too. And Joel…“ you look at him, sleeping in his bed. 

„He was never the same after Sarah,“ you whispered. 

„We all weren’t. We just dealt with it differently,“ Tommy said and you nodded. 

„Are you gonna stay?“ He asked and you sighed, looking at him. There was no point in keeping a grudge anymore. Not after what happened. You were safe. Ellie was safe. Joel was safe and hopefully close to being okay again. 

„I have to tell you one thing,“ you decided. He deserved to know why you had been so angry. Why you blamed him for every single bad thing that happened after he left. 

„Okay,“ he said, nodding at you. 

„On the morning after I found out your left, I also found out that I was pregnant,“ you said quietly, seeing his eyes widen, before he took a deep breath. 

„I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, I am telling you so you can understand why I was so angry and hurt,“ you explained. 

„I can’t keep blaming you for every bad thing that happens to me,“ you whispered. 

„What,“ he cleared his throat, „what happened?“ He asked. 

„I lost it six weeks after you left,“ you said with a sad smile, your finger brushing the tear away that ran down your cheek. 

He looked wrecked.

„I’m so fucking sorry,“ he shook his head, his hand running through his hair. 

You shrugged. 

„It just wasn’t meant to be,“ you sobbed, cursing to yourself as you turned your head to hide your face against the pillow. 

„Fucking hug her,“ you both heard Joel grunt and you almost jumped up, your head spinning again. 

„Joel, thank fuck,“ Tommy said before he jumped out of his chair as he saw you get out of bed on shaky legs. His arms held you up as you stumbled towards Joel’s bed who gave you a painful smile. 

„Come on, let’s get you into bed,“ Tommy whispered before he helped you sit down, pulling your legs up onto the bed as you carefully laid down next to Joel, his right arm opening for you. 

You put your hand on his chest, careful to not hurt him as you inhaled his familiar, if somewhat sweaty, scent. 

„I’ll leave you two alone,“ Tommy said as he looked at the both of you, but you were already asleep. 

„I’ll take care of her,“ Joel whispered before he kissed your forehead. 

Six weeks later

„I fucking hate math!“ Ellie groaned, letting her head fall against the table.

„Language!“ Joel called from the kitchen and she rolled her eyes while you held back a giggle. 

„Nobody likes math,“ you assured her, your arm wrapping around her shoulder. 

„Why do I have to learn it then?“

„Because that’s just the way life is. We all have to learn shit we don’t want,“ you said, you both laughing when Joel again called you out on your cursing. 

„I am a fully grown adult, Mr. Miller, leave me alone,“ you yelled towards the kitchen, only to hear his footsteps seconds later before he appeared in the door, both of his hands on his hips, giving you an exhausting head shake. 

„What am I gonna do with you?“ He asked before he walked over. You let go of Ellie’s shoulder as he stepped closer, his lips coming to kiss your cheek.

„Ugh gross,“ Ellie gagged, jumping out of her seat. 

„I’m gonna go and ask Dina to help me with math!“ She said, running out of the house, the door falling closed behind her. 

„She forgot her homework,“ Joel said, now kissing your neck. 

„Mmmmmhhh….“ You nodded, tilting your head to give him more space, his lips wandering up your neck. 

One of his hands sneaked to the front of your shirt until his palm softly palmed your breast. 

„Think you’re up for some…. Biology?“ He asked and you giggled, getting up from your chair to turn around, your arms crossing behind his neck. 

„Birds and bees again?“ You said, playfully annoyed while he nodded, all serious, before you both broke out in laughter. 

„We gotta work on your flirting, Miller,“ you said before you kissed him, shrieking when his fingers pinched your ass. 

„Love you,“ he mumbled against your lips and you smiled. 

„Love you too,“ you whispered before you let him guide you towards your bedroom. 

#my fic #Joel Miller x fem. reader #Joel Miller #Tommy Miller x fem. reader #Tommy Miller #Pedro Pascal #tlou #tlou fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction

[nieceeee]

“WHERE TO NOW?”

PS: babydaddy!eren and y/n have been distancing themselves from one another. Eren wants to be with her but feels like her heart is in another place…or with another person. He and the boys discover exactly what’s going on as he is babysitting one night…

A/N: Angst, tension, fluff for the most part. Cussing, mention of the name babydoll. This is really for a 3 part series so don’t worry there will be plenty of lovey doves stuff towards the end if y’all want it. The other parts will be a little bit longer than this one. I had to play with your emotions before playing with your….nevermind. ENJOY!

W/C: 2.4K

PREVIOUS FICS TO READ: She’s Not Yours (its probably best to read the Eren playlist…if you’ve read them all, see if you can find the references from the previous fics in this one)

“You look amazing, baby doll.” His voice said from behind you, sending a chill down your spine. You took a deep breath to shake the nerves before you lifted your eyes and stared through the mirror at his. “Thank you Rennie.” You say with a soft smile. Things between you two had been…decent. Weeks after that very dramatic day that started with a bloody nose and ended with his ex hearing beating down yo block, time had seemed to blur together. Eren, freaking out about the entire situation, went back to try and talk to her, hoping to smooth things over which also led to another breakdown from her and him consoling her. And even though he admits nothing happened, the simple fact that he was there for her was something you couldn’t stand. And that alone had you questioning so many things. I mean you weren’t together and neither were they so why does who he has a connection with bother you so much. He said even though they weren’t dating at the time, he didn't want her to feel disrespected and assume you called her intentionally. You understood the sentiment although you didn't give a damn about what she assumed. But because of that, you were at a stand still not only with Eren but with your own emotions as well.

You both (more you than him) decided it would be best to give each other some time to figure out what you wanted to do when it came to the complications revolving around your relationship. Yes, the feelings were there but there was also a lot of unhealed trauma and damage that each of you needed to figure out. Eren wanted to be with you, he knew that without a doubt. The constant back and forth and the fallout of his other relationship taught him a few things and it was in those moments where he realized that you were the only person for him. His first real love, his best friend, the mother of his child. He couldn’t see himself being with anybody else again.

Unfortunately for him, you had other plans. You needed more time to sort through your feelings. The consistent pestering in your mind of what happened every time you had tried to make it work with him before would always rear its ugly head and you’d have to face the reality. No matter how much you wanted it to work, things with you and him were too complicated and with a baby in the mix, it was too much to lose. You were so sure about this but for some reason when you called him over to explain it, you had an wave of uneasiness in your belly. But you stayed the course, expressing to Eren that it wasn't a good idea for you all to jump back into a serious relationship after so much mess had happened. Did he understand? Hell no. Why is he okay to sleep in your bed but not enough to be your man. His heart shattered in pieces when you told him you wanted to keep it friendly but he wouldn't show it on his face. Not in front of you. He wanted you to know he respected your backwards ass decision.

So it seemed like you were back at square one, coparenting and some relationship that bordered between ‘my man my man my man’ and ‘oh we are just friends’. Granted none of your other male friends know how you taste, how you moan when your clit is sucked on, and how to hit that sweet spot that you could only reach when he has you pressed into the mattress, fingers splayed out on your back as he… “No.” you say verbally. It wasn't the time for that, not now or anywhere in the near future. You had made the decision and you had to stick beside it. But you knew that you had to get him out of your head. So you distanced yourself as much as you could, only allowing parental visits and no late night stays. No personal phone calls outside of communication about your son. Nothing to give any indication to the feelings you worked so hard on burying.

Eren hated it.

He hated every lost moment. He hated not being able to touch you. He hated waking up in an empty bed. He hated the way that you would stand on the other side of the room when he came to pick up his baby. It was exhausting but he stayed. It was another night out for you. Eren had come over to babysit and you were just finishing up getting ready when he stepped into the doorframe. You swipe the nude butter gloss over your lips once more, pressing them together to distribute the color when your eyes caught the piercing green ones burning into your skin. You both held each other’s gaze for a while, emotions mixed with arousal building underneath your skin. You forced your eyes to shift back down to your vanity, busying your hands with cleaning the space in front of you. Eren smirked behind you, shifting from leaning against the doorframe and placing his hands on the frame above. “So, you all set to go?” He asks you. “Uh, yeah I think so. I just have to grab some shoes.” You say getting up and walking over to your closet.

You look around at your shoes to find a pair that went well with your multicolored satin dress. The beautiful green, brown,and cream colors blended into a perfect gradient in the fabric and the straps fell gently off your shoulders. You looked down at your choice of cream colored shoes before reaching down and picking up the tie up stilettos, steering clear of the red bottoms. Eren noticed and held back his grin, thinking back to the last time you asked him to pick your shoes for you over FaceTime.

“Okay, all set.” You say, this time actually being ready. “Okay, he should be waking up from his nap in about 2 hours and there are plenty of bags of milk already thawed out. You went over the breakdown for the night, running him through the routine he already knew like the back of his hand. Eren knew you were doing it more so as a checklist for yourself so he allowed you to ramble. “Good?” You say finishing your last thought. “Yeah, all good.” You nod gently and make your way to the door. “Oh, Would it be cool if the guys stopped by later? They asked about lil man but I wanted to make sure you were okay with them being here first.” Eren asks. “Yeah, Ren of course. You know I don't mind them being here.” You say brows pulling together slightly. He shrugged his shoulders from the bottom of the stairs. “Just checking. Have fun.” Your lips part to say something but words seem to get lost. Eren keeps his eyes casted towards the floor, not having the strength to look up and see you leave.

“Eren…” you start but he shakes his head. “Go enjoy yourself babydoll.” You press your lips together then turn and walk out the door.

“YO! We here.” A voice calls from the door. Eren rolls his eyes. “You know you could just knock right?” He says to Ony as he opens the front door. “Where’s the fun in that?” He laughs before dapping him and walking inside. “Whats up with you bro? You good?” Connie says as they come through the doorway and walk towards the living room. “Now why you ask the man that. You know he down bad right now.” Armin teases plopping down on to the reclining chair close to the tv. “Oh so y'all got jokes now? Do we really want to have it out?” Eren says matter of factly. “It’s okay bruh, we know you down bad for your girl.” Ony laughed. “Right and how is that best friend relationship treating you?” Eren teases back. Connie and Armin bust out into laughter. “See that’s different, you actually had a relationship with your girl.” Ony groans slumping down into the seat.

“Okay, okay but all bullshit aside E, how are you doing with all this?” Armin turns, giving him his attention. Eren took a moment. “I-…not good man.” He admits to his friends. “I don't get it. Y’all have always been in this space right? So what’s the difference between then and now.” Connie questions. “The difference is she’s talking to somebody.” Eren says softly. The room seemed to stand still at his confession. “What do you mean ‘talking’? Like the same guy?” Armin sits up, his stare intense. This was new for all of you. As long as you and Eren had been together, the guys have always been there. Even through the breakups you would never find yourself in another relationship. Fucking around was different but being committed to any guy besides Eren was not your thing.

Until now.

“I mean the past few date nights has been the same guy. I know I tripped out the Jean situation but they were just fucking. This ‘Reiner’ dude or whoever he is, she’s dating him man. Like sending flowers and love notes, brunches, and day trips type of shit.” Eren groans “Oh shit…” Ony whispered under his breath. “Yeah, exactly.” Eren’s shoulders slump slightly as he shook his head. “Well, E it might just be a phase. Don’t give up on it bro. If you work hard enough at it things have a way of sorting themselves out.” Connie says collecting stares from around the room. “What?” He says confused. “When the fuck did you get some common sense?” Ony asks. “Yeah, that’s my role.” Armin retorts. Eren begins to chuckle which turns into a full on laugh out loud followed by everyone else. “Man fuck yall. I’m just trying to help my boy out.” Connie tries defending himself through the noise.

The sound of baby whimpers from the monitor pulls Eren’s attention. He stands up and walks back up the steps towards his son’s room. He sat up in the crib rubbing his chunky fists into his eyes. Eren walks over and lifts him carefully from the bed, adjusting him and holding him against his hip. “What’s up little man. You all good? Daddy’s here.” He cooes. His son tilts his head up, sleep still in his eyes and offers his daddy a gentle smile. “Yeah, daddy’s here. Come on let’s go downstairs and see your uncles.”

“Aw man there go my lil homie.” Connie says as Eren comes back downs he steps. “Man he don't even like you. You know I'm his favorite.” Ony speaks getting up from the couch. They follow Eren into the kitchen as he takes out a few bags of the breast milk you left to warm up. “Y’all doing all that talking but yet I’m the goddaddy.” Armin smirks, slipping around the counter and grabbing the baby from Eren. He giggles, reaching out and squeezing Armin’s face. “Man, he looks just like Y/N. It’s still crazy to think yall got a baby together.” He says, shaking his head. “I know right. I still can't believe it myself sometimes.” It was true. Eren looks down at your son again and his chest swells with pride. It was so surreal to have something that was created from him and the person he cared for the most. As they sit around and conversation Eren takes the time to warm up the milk, grabbing his phone from his pocket. A text message dings from an unknown number.

He pulls up the attachment sent to his phone. “What the fuck…” his eyes squint as he stares down at the video loading before him. “What. The. Fuck?!” Eren says a little louder, catching the attention in the room. “Yo E, you good man?” Ony asks. Eren’s ears started to ring as anger swirled through his veins. His chest rose and fell rapidly. “Eren, talk to us man, what's going on?” Connie says. “Aye Min, can you put him in his playpen with the bottle please.” Eren strains, trying to keep him composure around his son. Armin nods quickly working to get the baby and setting him in his safe area. “Okay, what’s up?” He says as he walks back into the kitchen. Eren sits his phone down and slides it across the counter to his friends. They hovered around the screen and watched as you made out against a car outside of the restaurant. Reiners hands sliding all over your body as he kisses your lips and down the side of your neck. Your giggles fill the air as your hands slip up to the back of his head.

“Oh shit.” They say in unison before looking back up at Eren who was pacing across the floor. His vision began to blur as his fists clenched and unclenched. “E, you got to chill bruh. You can't overreact on this one. Come on.” Armin says in a calming voice. “Yeah E, you got to breathe man.” Ony reassures him. “I know. I know, man. FUCK, I know. I just-…” He didn't know what to do. Eren swipes his hands down his face as the burning behind his eyes intensifies. There was a silence that swept through the air. A heavy silence that was filled with uncertainty and fear. Eren had never felt this feeling of unease before. Not with you. But the fear of what this meant for you both. Is this the end of you and him for good? The nerves cause his emotions to overwhelm him as he slumps down to the floor. Armin, Connie, and Ony come and sit down next to him. No words could explain but they stayed with him, allowing him to process everything.

“What am I supposed to do man?” He asks no one in particular. “Do what you can. One day at a time.” Armin says. Eyes shifted up at the ceiling until the burning went away. He took a deep breath. Judging from the angle of the video, he knew you knew nothing about being recorded. So the only things on his mine were, who the fuck was following you and how was he going to face you when you got home…

#aot x reader #aot x y/n #fem!reader #baby daddy eren #eren aot #eren x reader #eren x black reader #eren yeager #aot fluff #eren x black fem!reader #eren jaeger #eren x you

[pskmonika]

Second male lead hcs ₊˚⊹♡ (part 1)

Who's gonna be the second male lead in your love story? (One piece/fem reader/light nsfw)

Sanji:

ೃ⁀➷ Vinsmoke Niji (the asshole type)

You were a well known pirate, so niji heard about you before, but he never cared, you were just another name in hundreds

But then when they started to gather information about sanji, they found out that you were in fact not just another crew member, but his partner

And niji found it interesting 'that loser got a girl?' It made him giggle as he thought about it 'she must be some slut he gave money to so she can suck his dick and call him a bf'

And well, they found that information quite helpful, cause u know what's better than a threat? Two threats

So they kidnapped you and told him unless he marry pudding they will kill you, and with that they controlled sanji however they wanted, just the idea of smt happening to you because of him is smt he can't handle

And, for curiosity niji decided to go see you in the dirty little room they kept you in, he wanted to see what kind of a woman sanji could get

You were tied up, with messy hair and clothes

You were all pretty and vulnerable, if it wasn't for his father he may have just used you to relive whatever dirty thoughts ran through his mind at the moment

So he just messed with you, scared you, teased you, it was fun to him

Then after some time, he got you to stay with him, ofc after telling you that if you don't obey whatever he told you to he would just go and rape you in front of sanji and you know he would do it

And as time went by, even with your cold treatment, he started to quite become fond of you, and because he can't feel any real love that emotion turned to obsession

He even planned to make you his good little wife who he's gonna fill every night and who's gonna give him as many children as he want

But ofc as the straw hats came to rescue you all his plans failed

Zoro:

ೃ⁀➷ vinsmoke sanji (you know that perfect second male lead? Yeah.)

First, if you happen to make zoro develop feelings for you, you must have quite an amazing personality, cause zoro is simply not attracted to looks whatsoever, you must be easy going and fun to talk with, and at the same time someone who he's able to have a long night talk with, someone who's kind like luffy and brave and strong like himself

And with a girl like that on the boat won't it be easy for a certain cook to also be interested?

Especially knowing that you and zoro will take a long long long long time to get together, cause he really need to be close enough with someone in order to develop feelings

So, it all started with you helping him sometimes with dishes

Then with you helping him with dinner

You were mostly bored and honestly it was fun being with him

At first he treated you just like he treated all women, then that changed, he probably got used to you, you thought, and it made you happy

And it was true he did, but what you didn't know is that the superficial liking that he once had for you started to change, started to become real.

You were different, in his eyes, you treated him well, made the best stupid jokes with him, comforted him

You were always playful with him, you made him happy, more happy then he has ever been

And zoro did catch the different treatment of the dirty cook towards you, and the way he looked at you secretly all the time, and it made him so so so angry

He was never a fan of you spending time with sanji, but this made him both mad and afraid, which made him eventually confess

You both agreed to keep it a secret at first tho, to get less headache from the crew

And zoro told you he hated how much time you spend with sanji, so you agreed to spend more time with him now, and less time with the cook out of respect for your now partner,' wouldn't I also hate it if zoro spent a lot of time with a girl?' You thought

And just like that, sanji noticed smt was diff, the way you would bring up zoro more often in your conversations, and the big smile it drew on your lips

And he also noticed that, you are not there as often, did he made you angry with him or smt? That's all he could think of

But one day it was all clear, the day you both were late for lunch so he went to look for you after they told him that you both were in the training room

And before calling both of your names he saw it,

Zoro pinning you to a wall kissing you

And you was kissing him back

And that broke him, it took him a long time to fully except it, and a lot of tears

Yet he never confessed, he wanted to at least keep your friendship, keep his closest friend

So he even gave a bitter smile the day you told him about it, and acted like he was happy for you

He decided to never leave you, and to always love you, even when you didn't love him back, and even if it kills him inside everyday

#one piece headcanons #one piece x reader #one piece x you #one piece #sanji headcanons #zoro headcanons #anime headcanons #sanji x reader #sanji x you #vinsmoke sanji #zoro roronoa #zoro x reader #roronoa zoro #zoro #vinsmoke niji

[mrs-snape5984]

“Rescue my heart, I'm deep underground…”

“I'm crashing and I'm burning, so reach out your hand to me…” (“Rescue my heart” by Liz Longley)

First of all: this is going to be a very personal post, full of pathetic self-pity and misery…so if you’re feeling triggered by that or by a whiny, overdramatic middle aged woman….stop reading. Seriously.

I’m using my tumblr blog as some kind of personal diary…combining art with my own thoughts and emotions. Sadly, I have not a single spark of talent in my fibres, so I’m always looking for the right artists here on tumblr, who can help me to make my ideas come to life graphically (ignoring the melting of my savings).

I reached out to @madfantasy again for this very personal piece of art. Mani, my dear friend, you’re the only person, who’s perfect for my most personal, very raw requests. You created something so beautiful…so right out of my heart! I can’t describe, how grateful I am for your understanding of my ideas…for your talent…for your kind soul. 🖤 Thank you, love!

My life with ME/CFS sucks. I’m apologising for my harsh words and my lack of gratitude towards life itself, but that’s just how I’m feeling!

I know, I should rather be grateful for the things in my life, which I wouldn’t want to miss. I have three wonderful children, I have a few very good friends (in real life and - thanks to tumblr - also online). But…on some days (and these are actually pretty prominent at the moment), I just hate my life as it is now.

I’m spending my whole days in the darkness of my room, not capable of leaving the house (and often even my bed) without getting disoriented by the overstimulation of my mind and the exhaustion of my body. I can’t stand more than one person in my room…otherwise my brain can’t handle the noise and the movements of others. I can’t go to my workplace anymore…and I really loved my job! I can’t stay in contact with people properly, because most people don’t understand, why I’m not answering their messages or phone calls. I’m too exhausted and too overwhelmed with those things. Reading? Watching TV? Well, not for me anymore (at least for the most days) Every little bit too much (sometimes the smallest things!) leads me into the next “crash” of my disease…resulting in fevers, pain, loss of mental and physical capabilities…up to losing consciousness. Every fucking time!

All I want is to scream…scream my lungs out to let the pain and grief go! I want to scream out all those feelings of misery, which I’m only bottling up every day! But I know…just like talking…it would only cause another crash. Each crash is dragging me further down…and there’s no possibility of digging my way out of this again.

So, for this raw piece of art, I wanted the only person, who had never left me over the past 21 years, to hold me. Hold me, Severus…keep me safe…be my haven! Let me scream and cry and help me to find a way out of this hell…I’m begging you…

🖤 Severus & Julia 🖤

#i love severus #severus x oc #fuck me/cfs #Severus is my safe haven #i want to scream #personal shit #let it all go #severus snape #mani is wonderful #mani is our safe space #severus snape fan art #snart #severus fanart #severus snape art #snape art

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

My re-reading project has gone reasonably well, my ADHD is still untreated so I often have a lot of trouble actually starting (Who is Real consistently created this roadblock in my mind for whatever reason), but it was re-reading Under Tides that has had me sitting down and digesting it for some time.

Under Tides has a dramatically different tone from pretty much every single other event that I've read so far. It's a very moody work, dramatically more so than previous events (and, definitely in comparison to Stultifera Navis), both in story direction and in art direction. The residents of Sal Viento are drawn in a way I find really compelling for the nature of the story: they look like they've had the life and energy sucked out of them, and share the same muted palettes with the Inquisitors. It really makes the Abyssal Hunters standout in comparison to the rest of the world, in Skadi's vivid reds, Gladiia's blues, and Specter's monochrome colors.

This piece, on top of just being absolutely breathtaking honestly, is a really good example. Sal Viento sits, tilted in ruins into the sea, but at this angle it feels impossible to tell where the land begins and where the ocean meets the city. It makes Sal Viento feel very isolated from the world, and it is in many ways, and I in particular like the way the support structures at the right, now broken and falling apart, make Sal Viento feel skeletal. How much has been destroyed, taken by the sea? It's great.

But Skadi is the only splash of color. Skadi's red stand out amongst the very muted blues, the blues that feel barely distinguishable from the dismal grays of rain clouds and brackish water, and the sterile colors of Sal Viento. Skadi and the Hunters are the only splash of life in this landscape; even the Inquisitors cannot be said to do this, because much if not all of what the Inquisitors leave in their wake is death.

But it's also a much darker story than usually, and that's a bit surprising considering how much fare Arknights up to this point has had with the ideas of corporate corruption, discrimination, and cleansing. It's a lot to do with how the characters are positioned to each other: the people of Sal Viento are almost zombie-like, being slowly eaten away from ingestion of Seaborn flesh, and are intensely paranoid and disapproving of outsiders. Only Anita stands out amongst them, a beacon of innocence and curiosity that hasn't been stamped out yet by the constant erosion of the tides. Skadi and Gladiia are both oppositional to each other and oppositional to everyone else in the story. There's no real sense of cooperation or camaraderie between any of the characters outside of Anita, which creates a really rather oppressive atmosphere. The dark parts of Talulah's story in Chapter 8 stand in contrast to the warmer parts of her relationship to Alina, Frostnova, and Patriot, and it stands in contrast with Amiya and Ch'en. Maria Nearl's attempted assassination at the hands of the KGCC stands stark against Marcus and Zofia's support of her and her naive ideals.

There's no contrast in Under Tides, it's a constant gloomy, dark feeling, it's being in a cave that's constantly damp, dripping, and moist. That works really well for the type of story it wants to be, especially for its climax moment, where the first time character's connect with each other, it is portrayed in the form of a mental breakdown.

"She is a monster. She murders her own kind. She for her own kind murders her own kind. She by her own kind murders her own kind. The eyes of the people in the streets are filled with warmth. They don't know anything. The eyes from the research institutes and in the tents are filled with ice. When the hunters sleep, there are patrollers guarding. No. Those aren't guards. That night patrol doesn't serve the hunters. The patrollers are waiting for the hunters to become monsters."

Aside from her, anyone and everyone probably knew. Sea monster. And–she has already committed the gravest sin...

I killed it. I killed her. I killed Him.

There's some questionable writing decisions made in this chapter, especially with the way that Anita and Irene have a habit of narrating action scenes in dialogue, but this will not be what I criticize. This is the climax of the story: where the truth of the matter, where Skadi understanding the bizarre idiosyncrasies of her biology and what they mean, causes her identity to collapse, leaving Skadi to try and grab at anything she can.

And she grabs onto being a monster.

Becoming a Seaborn is in some ways both an invasion and a form of acceptance. Your biology changes, but the outcome is not a guarantee. Skadi only avoids her fate here because Gladiia deliberately took a massive injury as a trap. If that hadn't been intentional, if Gladiia truly took a mortal wound, Skadi would have fallen right there.

"Your neural cells are rapidly metabolizing. Remember, you are a hunter. They can't do anything to you."

It's truth and its untruth. The extent to which Skadi's condition can be directly tied to her biology is questionable: we've already seen this questioned in Skadi's own monologue. But as long as Skadi remembers that she is a hunter, that she has a purpose and can resist, she'll be fine.

It's good, it's a fantastic climax that leads to the rather nice and cathartic reunion amongst the Abyssal Hunters. Really liked this event.

#arknights #under tides #abyssal hunters

[danisbrainrot]

i had this idea myself but i’m too lazy to write it so i thought i’d share and i know u wanted to write something about natalie 😛

natalie getting her hair cut (maybe even bleached) by one of the yjs ‼️‼️ came to me in a dream but i haven’t been bothered to write it

lottie matthews x natalie scatorccio

I had to do my babies!! thank you for the ask, I was dying to write for nat!! this is an au where they crashed but lottie didn't get sent to switzerland, but moved in with natalie.

snip snip snip. the scissors felt natural in lottie's hands, but the danger of her hands holding such a weapon that close to natalie's neck worried her. she felt her hands shake as she began to overthink, before sucking in a deep breath and taking a step away.

"you alright?" natalie's keen eyes watched her through the mirror, concerned at lottie's reaction. "I swear, if my hair is above my ears again—"

lottie shook her head swiftly, "no, no. I'm not making that mistake again. . . just shaky," she replied. natalie snorted, absentmindedly playing with the ring lottie had gotten her for her birthday.

the pleasing sounds of scissors making their way through natalie's hair comforted the blonde. "my regrowth getting pretty bad," she commented. lottie hummed absentmindedly, which nat took to mean agreement. "I mean, not as bad as when we were rescued. . . but I think I should get it done again," lottie bit her bottom lip in concentration, ignoring what nat was saying as she focused on fixing the blondes split ends problem.

it was silent for a minute longer, even lottie's breath was bated as she pulled out a long strand of hair before snipping it off. "sorry, what were you saying?"

"nothing. since when were you such a good hairdresser?" natalie teased, a wide grin on her face.

lottie sighed, shaking her head, "I gave all my dolls haircuts," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. "your roots need touching up, I've got foils but they might be dodgy," natalie snorted, shaking her head.

"thanks, lot. but I think I'll get that done by the pros," natalie teased, playing with her hair, amazed at the new feel. lottie smiled, proud of her work.

"you know what my payment is," lottie teased, jumping up on the kitchen counter, crossing her arms across her chest.

natalie rolled her eyes, sighing but getting up. "if I'd known you'd shrink out of your chores, I never would have asked you to move in," she joked, opening the dishwasher.

lottie raised a questioning eyebrow, "you would have let my parents send me to switzerland?" she asked, eliciting a chuckle from natalie.

"probably would've chased right after you," natalie retorted, opening the top cabinets to put away the cups.

lottie smiled softly, knowing that it was a sweet lie natalie told her. in fact, lottie was sure natalie only asked her to move in because she still felt some kind of need to protect her—as if she didn't leave her leadership behind in the wilderness.

"I hope you're okay with pasta for dinner, because that's all I know how to cook," natalie announced, snapping lottie out of her thoughts.

lottie rolled her eyes, and shook her head, "wow, I gave up switzerland, land of the meatballs, just for pasta every night," she sighed teasingly.

"after the shit we went through, I'm shocked more of us didn't go vegetarian. sometimes I see a piece of meat and. . ." natalie paused, realising that she wasn't joking anymore and instead leading towards dangerous territory.

the two had tried to avoid talking about the wilderness beyond silly jokes. it felt too real. like their trauma was haunting them—that the people they'd eaten were lingering around their house. the time they'd spent in those woods had such a profound impact on them, on their relationship, it was inconceivable that they could ever live without each other.

some nights, when the nightmares made them jolt, lottie finds herself flinging out of her bed and into natalie's arms—even though they both know damn well why she shouldn't be there. natalie was dating travis, and lottie wasn't mentally stable for a relationship yet. but still, that didn't prevent them from sharing a bed every so often. . . they convince themselves it was a perfectly normal thing for friends to do.

lottie sighed, watching natalie bend over to take out the cutlery holder. "did you hear tai's a vegetarian now? must have the same thought process as you," lottie mumbled. natalie chuckled again, looking at lottie in disbelief.

"that'll last three weeks. she loves pork ribs just a little too much," natalie teased, chucking the cutlery in the drawer, not bothering to check if it was in the right slot.

"are you sure you don't want me to redo your roots?" lottie asked abruptly. it would sound like a purposeful topic change to anyone except natalie, who knew the brunette was having her own conversation in her mind.

"okay, if you insist. but I'm not doing your laundry, that's where I draw the line," she joked, her mouth cracking up into a toothy grin.

lottie rolled her eyes, "like I'd let you in my room, I've seen you eyeing my pilgrim hat" she teased.

natalie licked her lips, "why would I want that when it looks better on you?" lottie felt her cheeks heat up, but before either of them had time to realise what that could mean, she quickly added, "nevermind, I might need it after you're done with my hair."

lottie snorted, rolling her eyes at the implication. "shut up. i'll get the foils now." a soft smile appeared on nat's face as she watched the brunette leave with a bounce in her step.

#natalie scatorccio #lottie matthews #lottienat #fanfic #yellowjackets #yellowjackets showtime #fluff #wlw #blurb #danisasks #slight angst #blink and you miss it #dani's fics <3

[moongothic]

i would love trans crocodile but im very cynical that oda would write him in a respectful manner. thats not even thinking of how horrible that one portion of the one piece fandom would treat him

Yeah the fandom sucks and I'm going to strangle everyone (including the cishets who claim to be trans allies and then use "Crocomom")

But with Oda it's weird because like. The more I think about it, the more I'm like... 50/50 about Oda being able to actually deliver good, respectful trans masc rep.

Like I've posted about this before but One Piece does have this on-going theme of having characters "stuck in wrong bodies" or "having one's body changed" (sometimes reversably, sometimes irreversably; sometimes against their will, sometimes consentually). Which, in theory, in my mind, does kind of signal that on some level Oda understands the idea of being "the wrong sex" (whether or not that's a good way to explain The Trans Experience™ is a whole different subject but it's an old fashioned explanation that Oda would probably be/is familiar with) But at the same time, while the concept pops up again and again in One Piece, Oda doesn't really dwell too deep into the idea of what that's like. Like, emotionally. How it feels like to like, get turned into a toy or be a child who gets aged 20 years or to get turned into a cyborg or a giant child or have parts of your body permanently turned into animal parts (sometimes with a will of their own) etc

And like. Part of me understands why, Oda does tend to want to focus on writing a story he thinks teenaged boys would be interested in reading, and he has often stated he wants to have fun with his story too (like that's partially why Luffy's a Rubber Man, because Oda thought giving Luffy a ridiculous ability would make him more fun to write and draw long-term, which is valid as hell) This is why for example Oda has avoided doing any romances in OP, and while there are dark themes in the story, often he has done his best to avoid making them too blatant, as some things would be too mature for his youngest readers (like, for example until Kuma's backstory, it was never explicitly stated what would happen to the slave wives of the Tenryuubito, even saying it was "implied" would be pushing how that subject had been treated until now)

So like. Because of that, I understand why Oda hasn't dwelled into The Feelings™ part much/at all despite the "stuck in the wrong body" narrative appearing time and time again

Either Oda thinks it'd be too boring either for himself or his readers, or he hasn't dwelled into it because he doesn't really understand gender dysphoria and can't relate to the experience (despite how often it shows its face in OP). Or it could be both, even

The thing is though, as OP has gone on, while I wouldn't say Oda has "broken his writing rules", Kuma's backstory alone has pushed them to a new limit with the love-that-never-was story and the all-but-explicitly-stated storytelling.

So a part of me wonders, if Crocodile is trans, could Oda actually like... take a slightly deeper look into his feelings and explore his queer experience? ('Cause god knows, if Crocodad Real, then there really would be a literal coming out-story built into his backstory that would be extremely unavoidable, and as I've mentioned before, the fact that we haven't gotten to learn almost anything about his backstory yet is Kinda Fucking Sus)

Also I do want to mention how... like Oda gets a lot of bad rap when it comes to queer rep in One Piece, but the more I think about it, I think it's more an issue with the terminology and how translators have gone about either localizing it, or more often than not, leaving it unlocalized 'Cause like. Yes the "okama" would be horrible trans rep but... really... they're not trans representation. They're representation for draq queens. Piss poor draq rep, but still, they're draq queens. And just like our very real life drag performers; some of them are cishets. Some of them are gender non-conforming gay men. Some of them are nonbinary*. Some of them are trans women. Obviously lumping all of these people into one group is kinda offensive (which is why "okama" is (as far as I understand it) such an unpopular term even amongst queer people in Japan), and the way Oda often chooses to draw these characters looks no different to how gender criticals choose to present trans women in their propaganda.

*Like Bon-chan, who explicitly states they are both male and female. And Iva-chan, who switches between boy-mode and girl-mode from time to time, could arguably be called genderfluid (though any specific terminology is up to debate). Both are nonbinary draq queens.

And yet, despite all that. It can not be understated how if you put aside the nameless background gag-characters, Oda does treat the actual, proper queer characters with respect. Everyone would agree that Bon-chan is an absolute hero, we would all die for them. Iva-chan (and Inazuma too) is explicitly presented in a heroic light, seen as someone who helps people and fights for justice (with the Revs)

And then there's the first binary trans characters we've actually gotten, Okiku and Yamato. And I'm pretty sure we would all agree Okiku is 10/10 perfect trans fem representation (I am not entirely serious, I'm not trans fem so I can't speak for trans women here, it's just that I can't see anything Horrendously Wrong with how Okiku is presented within the story- not actually perfect but all things considdered, damn good). She is stunning, people around her (INCLUDING SANJI!!) don't just view her as a woman but would go out of their way to date her (as in, she is seen as "desirable", and not as some kind of a disgusting freak to avoid), she is heroic and sweet and kind and just. IDK I love her And while I'm sure many trans mascs would agree Yamato may not be how they want to be seen by the world (though having Yamato ID as a man while having the biggest moobs is surely validating for a lot of people, including anybody who might not want or be able to get top surgery and/or HRT), again, he is only presented as heroic within the narrative and respected by the characters around him, Luffy especially, which is by far the most important part; the protagonist going out of his way to be respectful of trans characters does represent the values of the story.

And like.

Think about how Oda has treated Crocodile so far.

Like, although we're all having a bit of a laugh over the whole Cross Guild thing, Oda is still treating him as a cool character whom he presents seriously and treats with respect. Like Oda wants the readers to see Crocodile as at least a little bit cool. So I can't imagine him pulling a full 180 with how Croc would be treated in the story if he was revealed to be trans, especially when the potential foreshadowing for that was laid out in the story years ago already.

All this to say; Oda is not perfect at all, but considdering the things he has gotten right so far, I think there is hope he could pull it off. Because Oda is for Queer Liberation.

Really, my only concerns would be whether or not there's a risk Crocodile could get somehow detrans'd during the story (I'm praying the Haki theory isn't an option, really Doc Q might be the only true risk here), if he's stealth and that got presented as "a wrong thing to do" (which I'd hope not, like our previous queer characters have been okay with being openly queer but that may have been more for the readers than anything else. At least, I hope, god knows if Crocodile is and wants to be stealth trans then that's his right and he shouldn't have to out if he doesn't want to, and yeah, I don't want him to be demonized within the narrative for being stealth (if he's stealth, for all we know he could be out)) and like, most importantly, what'd end up being Crocodile's "motivation" for transitioning in the first place

Like. God. I just. I don't want there to be a twist where Crocodile transitioned because "being a woman was weak" or because he "wanted to be acknowledged by Whitebeard" ('cause WB doesn't take women into his crew) or "the scar in his face made him so ugly he decided he should be a man instead" (seen unironic Redditors suggest that. Almost lost my mind) or something

Like I hope someone's at least tried to explain gender dysphoria to Oda. Like the man does have actual queer friends in real life (some of whom inspired characters in OP), so I'm hoping at least someone's tried to explain the feelings that come with The Trans Experience™ to him so that, if Crocodile's trans, then Oda can actually try to base his reasoning to transition on those feelings instead of any stupid "reasons" that no actual queer person would relate to

But it all just boils down to... Is Oda willing to actually dwell into those feelings and explore them in the story.

It... it really could go either way with Oda

So yeah. Anon, I'm with you, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was at least A Little Worried. But also... I want to be hopeful. Because I do believe there is reason to be hopeful.

Only time will tell how it'll go

#Moon posting #Asks #Sir Crocodile #OP Meta #OP Spoilers #Long post #CW Discussions of transphobia #For the record- cishets using ''crocomom'' for like fandom tagging purposes is fine #But outside of that. P e r i s h #Literally no need to misgender him. #(And obligatory disclaimer: yes if you're trans masc you get a pass on misgendering Crocodile. I'm @'ing the cishets not you) #(Also I'm not dead serious. It's just a pet peeve and god dammit I need to complain about it somewhere djkfghdskfgh) #While I'm at it with the tagging complaints please for the love of god tag your genderbends so people can blacklist and avoid them #Your Cross Guild Yuri is fun and fine but for some people having a trans man get presented as a woman in fanart #For no other reason than “girl pretty” pretty much #Can be just really emotionally draining and painful when the world so explicitly **does not want you to be trans** #Just. It'd be The Nice Thing To Do. You can draw your fem Croc just. Please tag it. For the love of god. #These tags are an absolute mess yeehaw

[sweetlywriting]

Hi, there~! So I have this really fun idea in my head. I would like a headcannon in which the fem! reader asks the Dorm Leaders to be her pretend boyfriend. But what happens when the boys fall in love for real? Super fluff, please! Thanks!

Fake/pretend dating with dorm leaders

Includes-Leona Kingscholar, Azul Ashengrotto, Malleus Draconia, Kalim Al Asim, Vil Shoenheit, Idia Shroud, Riddle Rosehearts

A/N- I think these are the longest headcanons I’ve ever done but I love this trope-

Please reblog or comment if you enjoyed!!

Leona Kingscholar-

It was some dumb bet from Ruggie but you’d lose too much money if you lost, so you sucked it up and went over to ask Leona to be your boyfriend or at least pretend so you wouldn’t go broke

He’s snickering the entire time, eyes glimmering with amusement as you mumble your request

He takes great enjoyment in your embarrassment and you almost have to scream it at him to get him to agree

He agrees, just for a week and you have to do whatever he says in return have fun cleaning his room and other messes

Ruggie is now extremely happy because you have to do his job

Leona likes how he can obnoxiously pull your hair in magic history when he’s bored, and haul you away from classes

Oh also, now you’re basically a human pillow, he’s constantly dragging you too take naps with him

Leona’s still smart and observant, he knows when he’s in love with you and will likely burst into whatever class, club, or nap you were having to ask you out. For real this time.

Azul Ashengrotto-

Honestly he’s the one who asks you too fake date him, his business has been getting less publicity lately and dating the new magicless dorm leader would definitely incite some good rep

Plus now he can coerce you into turning your empty dorm into a mostro lounge branch! In return he’ll pay you well and help you with any studies for the entire rest of your school year!! It’s a good deal and you sign it with a contract

At the beginning it’s all very normal, but slowly he begins to enjoy this deal more than he thought he would

Azul is a bit touch starved so every time you lightly kiss his cheek in pubic, he completely flusters

It’s the same for you when you happen to be working on a extremely hard piece of homework and he whispers the answer in your ear and then swiftly walks away as though nothing happened

It’s a fun game and even at the end of the year he doesn’t want it to end

“ Shall we extend this contract? Forever?“

Malleus Draconia-

Lilia had seen you and Malleus talk once, and now all he thinks about is what color he’ll wear to your wedding

He’s constantly “coincidentally” signing Malleus up for all the classes you take or "coincidentally" locking you two in broom closets

It’s very exhausting, and when you both have had enough you and Malleus decide to pretend to date to get Lilia to calm down for a while

Spending time with Malleus you got to know him more than anyone probably could. He’s not used to company considering how most people are afraid of him, but begins to enjoy it

He comes to ramshackle dorm every night for his daily walk, now opting to take you along. The moon and his hand holding yours is the only sense of direction you have, but it’s all you need.

“Perhaps we could do this forever?” “I’d like that”

Kalim Al Asim-

It’s not super complicated with Kalim, you want him too pretend to be your boyfriend? Sure that’s fine!!

One of the best things about him is that he won’t push you on why you want him to do this. You’re his friend, if fake dating will help you in any way he’s down!

That changed when he realizes he’s actually falling for you

Kalim is typically pretty oblivious so he doesn’t know exactly what to do

Suddenly, something that was a casual thing is something he can’t live without

The moment he realizes this, he drops everything and runs to you-and just by the look on his face and the way he crashes his lips on yours, you know this was never pretend

Vil Shoenheit-

Vil is famous, being in a relationship would cause huge scandal and completely ruin his career, but sometimes he feels alone and wants to be cared for the way he sees the couples laughing through the hallways with hands clasped

He doesn’t want to ask any of his friends so why not the person he just so happens to be alchemy partners with?

So one day, out of nowhere he’ll blurt-“will you let me be your boyfriend?-pretend of course.” Once you accept he’ll try all the stereotypical couples things

Picnics, ice skating dates, stargazing, cooking together, cute stuff

Vil finds himself getting a little too attached, he feels so at ease with you

It’s scares him a little, the way he’s already fallen so deeply for you

But he loves the way things are now, real or not he doesn’t want to ruin that

Idia Shroud-

You need a date to the school dance, he needs a date to the dance. . .

But really when you come up to him asking him to pretend to be your date, he’s half flattered-like his face is entirely red and he can barely answer, but another part of him is a little sad

You don’t want him too be your real boyfriend? He brushes it off, far too happy to at least be your date to be too bothered

He picks out his best suit and shows up with flowers, gentlemanly but still in a nervous sweat

Everyone is a little suprised to see the both of arrive together, and as Idia’s about to run out far away from all the stares, you pull him to dance

He’ll never forget how it felt to melt into your smile and the feeling of slowly forgetting that anyone else was even there, laughing and twirling- it didn’t feel fake

It felt like the happiest night of his life. “Could we go out as a real couple?” He says it confidently because it’s something he’s sure about

Well so much for fake dating, you answer him with a passionate kiss

Riddle Rosehearts-

It was some dumb dare from Ace and Deuce, you had enough with their teasing about how you would you would be single forever and now to spite them you were standing in front of Heartslabyul’s dorm leader, persuading him to pretend to be your boyfriend for a while

At first Riddle is very offended that you would ask him on a fake date, and for something so silly? But eventually with the promise of strawberry tarts and the thought of Ace and Deuces shocked faces, he gives in

The entire Heartslabyul is shocked that their stony strict dorm warden is dating someone

Riddle has never been in a relationship so he’s actually quite nervous, he almost screams the first time you grab his hand

He’s completely red afterwards and refuses to look at you

He tries to deny actually being in love with you for as long as possible, but he doesn’t want to lose you either

After shoving his pride down for a bit, he invites you for tea and a heartfelt confession

#fanfic #fluff #fanfiction #disney twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar #vil #vil schoenheit #angst #leona kingscholar x reader #leona x reader #azul x reader #azul twst #azul ashengrotto #malleus x reader #malleus draconia #twisted wonderland malleus #malleus x y/n #kalim x reader #twst kalim #kalim al asim #vil shoenheit x reader #vil x reader #idia #idia x reader #idia shroud #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle x reader #riddle rosehearts #leona #azul

[ryantryinx]

( Because its officially October 1st. I wanted to write a lil thing. Don't judge me if it sucks. That is all. ) " Uncle Mickey, will you help me?! " Piped up the small redheaded girl from the kitchen door frame staring at her uncle on the couch. Ian and Mickey were babysitting Franny over night, to help Debbie out with work. They had often been passed their niece and nephew for brief stays. Which was okay in Mickey's book since he liked both kids well enough. It also helped starve off Ian's idea of having a kid when he could do his uncle thing. " Yeah lil red, what is it? " The older man groaned tossing the remote to the side having been struggling to find anything good anyway. The older redhead having ran to the store to pick up his meds before they closed for the night. On the kitchen table Ian had set up a bunch of supplies for Franny to carve her own pumpkin. ( All kids safe and not sharp once so ever. ) Crossing her arms over her chest as she climbed back into the chair she was previously in, with her uncle now coming to see her plight. " I drew my face like uncle Ian told me. But this knife wont cut the pumpkin. Its too hard!!!! " She exclaimed loudly showing off the several stabbing attempts into the gourd with some plastic piece of a ' so called knife ' still stuck in where the eye was meant to be. Mickey rolled his eyes as he pulled the cheap piece of plastic from the flesh of the pumpkin. " This what they callin' a knife now a'days? That shit's not gunna cut butter. Lemme grab a real knife kid. " Instead of going to a drawer for a kitchen knife the darker haired man disappeared for a few minutes before returning with a long hunting knife he'd pulled from somewhere in the house. " THIS is a knife. And this will cut your damn pumpkin. I'd let you do it, but your uncle Ian'd have my ass if I did. So you gotta let me do it. " Setting the knife down to set Franny up on top of the table. He took her spot in the chair before picking up the knife once more to cut out the face of the pumpkin. A few minutes later Ian made his way back thru the apartment cursing himself for ' almost ' forgetting to pick up his refill. Moving to the kitchen to check on Franny a dopey grin spread across his freckled cheeks at the sight before him.

#ryantryinx #little drabble #October 1st #franny gallagher #Uncle Mickey and Uncle Ian #Babysitting #pumpkin #gallavich #ian gallagher #shameless #husbands

[pinkiepiebones]

Renfield Interview Info from SCREAM magazine (and a little bit from "L'officiel Hommes")

-Nicholas Hoult taking about Renfield's growth: "...he ends up in a scenario where he sees an interaction between Rebecca and Teddy... Renfield sees someone who is able to stand up for their themselves, risk everything, and stand by their morals. He feels completely inspired by it because he sees her do the exact thing he's been wanting to do for many decades, but hasn't found the voice to be able to say it. So, he's completely awed and inspired, and that feels like his way out. But obviously, he has a big journey to go on in actual change instead of just the idea of it."

-Following Hoult, the movie's idea man, Robert Kirkman, adds: "There's an admiration for Rebecca that forms very early on in the movie, that drives Renfield to emulate her. Rebecca shows Renfield a different way of living, a different way of existing that is possibly going to lead to something that he never in a million years thought he could attain, which is happiness. We meet him at the beginning of the movie when he's at his lowest point. He has nothing but regrets. There was a tremendous amount of sorrow in his life, and (Rebecca) becomes this beacon of hope that drives him to strive to be something more."

-The writer of the article (Bryan Cairns) writes: "Renfield isn't your ordinary mortal" and that phrasing just tickled me. He's not like ~other~ mortals, he's over a hundred and twenty years old!

-Renfield's powerset includes superhuman strength, endurance, and speed. I wish the speed bit had been played with...

-Director Chris McKay about Hoult: "I have never worked with somebody who wants to do as many stunts as possible... If he wasn't working on first unit, he'd want to go over to second unit so he could be part of the stunts and be in the scene as much as possible. We had a dance scene that we ended up cutting from the movie, he learned all the choreography and threw himself into it. It was incredible to work with so many actors that are nice people and so committed to the movie and characters."

The Hoult interview in "L'officiel Hommes" doesn't have much Renfield stuff but here's what I gleaned:

-First off, his The Great costar Elle Fanning interviewed him for this lol

-Elle: "And you're a good dancer! You do some dancing in Renfield."

Hoult: "Cut! Gone. There was a whole dance sequence that we practiced for weeks. It was a dream fantasy sequence. We shot it all in one night, we had these amazing dancers, and then it's not in the film."

Elle: "That"'s showbiz though, isn't it? That happens all the time. Sometimes the things you're most excited about get cut.

Hoult: "It's been a bit of a learning curve for me; when you get really attached to things in the script, and you put in a lot of effort to learn them, or whatever it might be, and then it just doesn't work in the end." (Aww)

-Elle: "What's with your obsession with vampires? Are you one? Is that why?"

Hoult: "(laughs) That's it. I just like leeches and anything that drinks blood, basically. Mosquitoes, all blood-sucking creatures."

-Hoult asserts that the real bugs he did eat on the set of Renfield were all dead and dried, not alive. He says "I wasn't just randomly picking bugs off the floor" to which Elle responds "if you were a real actor, you would've." XD

-Hoult says that for Robert Eggers's NOSFERATU he was "flirting with an accent" and a dialect coach on set said "Don't do that. That's terrible."

-Hoult says Renfield's voice and accent were mostly just his own voice and accent- contrasted with NOSFERATU, where it's set in a different era and is a serious piece.

So there you have it!!!

#renfield #renfield 2023 #nicholas hoult #chris mckay #robert kirkman #robbie don't look

[burnyouwithacigarettelighter]

Omg I’m so happy you replied!! I definitely have more questions.

1. What Cillian character do you like writing about the most and why?

2. What story from your master list are you most proud of?

3. Do you personally have any fic recommendations/ must reads? Other sites included.

4. What gets you inspired to write? Following that question have you ever abandoned a fic?

5. What do you think made you a better writer? If you have any doubts about your work, how do you get past it enough to continue?

6. Is there a Cillian character that you just don’t like, or aren’t interested in watching/ writing about? (Sorry if that’s a loaded question)

omg thank u so much for this!!! i srsly love interacting w u guys, tysm for the thought provoking questions😄🙌

i think i like writing most about robert fischer:) ik it probably doesnt translate considering ive written most for jonathan crane but robert fischer is just such a little sweetheart to me,,, and can go both ways in being a sassy dom douchebag or being a sobbing daddy issues sub darling LOLLL i just think he has a lot of duality to delve into and develop (which ive definitely not done so far☠️) and it helps that his characterization in inception was also very surface level— i have a lot of wiggle room y’know??

i think im most proud of “dine & dash” which im aware probably no-one has read, but getting chris o’doyle’s sassy little dialogue down was like taming a wild beast,,, otherwise, considering my more well-known work, i rly liked writing “honey, i’m home”. i go crazy for the unhinged readers (if u couldnt alrdy tell lmaooo) and seeing jackson get messed with like that was a real treat.

i seriously just recommend anything by @mypoisonedvine,,, they’re literally genius & are the reason i started writing for cillian:)!! other mentions include kitten fics by @pictureinme and, a personal fave, @floralcyanidee’s jackson rippner mile-high club fic!!! these writers are all incredibly talented and im just blown away at their work every single time🫶

my thirst is such a big motivator for writing LMAO😭i wrote “guinea pig” ‘cus i wanted to absolute wreckkk jonathan crane and have him be a sub, and i got a 6.8k words long fic out of said thirst! music & book quotes motivate me a lot too— i spend sm time digging thru my pinterest for a good quote for the beginning of my fic its actually insane☠️and yes,,, im ashamed to say ive abandoned fics numerous times,,, but thats because they were series’, not oneshots. i get bored of series’ pretty quickly, ‘cause i feel kind of trapped by the initial dynamic or mood set in the first chapter. with oneshots, its like writing one long chapter of this trope and this kink or whatever and then its done, and i dont have to exhaust myself going back to tropes or kinks or storylines ive already done.

i think reading made me a better writer. expanding my vocabulary through the words of others was a biggie; seeing something be described in a certain way in someones story had me thinking of out-of-the-box ways to describe another thing (that doesn’t make much sense but lets pretend it does😭). i have many, many doubts about my work, like constantly, but i usually just suck it up. i sound like an attention whore but seeing the reposts & comments & tags on my other work reminds me people like what i’ve written before and certain people will enjoy what ive written now, so i should just finish my work for them. i also take like 100 years rereading my stuff until i think its good enough lmao,,,

ive kinda watched his whole roster of films (atleast ones i could actually find on the internet and not gone missing as a lost piece of media lmao) and i could probably write for any cillian character given i had a good idea and proper motivation. writing for certain characters is definitely harder for me to do though, so its likely i wont write for them/will take a long time to do so. an example is lenny miller— anna was such an insufferable movie to me, and lenny’s screentime wasn’t long at all, atleast not long enough for me to properly grasp his character. he just felt like a horny hardass fbi goof the whole time i could not take his 5’7 ass seriously😭cillian is smexy as hell in anna tho, so we’ll see😈another would probably be robert capa from sunshine,,, hes beautiful and deliciously musty in that but the whole spaceship setting kinda freaks me out (considering i know 0 zilch nada about space, spaceships, or anything of the sort, so it’d definitely be inaccurate). an au with him id definitely do, though! (with that hair of his my mind is already forming a 90s band au, guitarist!capa x singer!reader story…)

again thank u so much for these questions!! i feel like i rarely get to chat to u guys so this was well appreciated😄🫶thank you so much for reading, for sending these questions in, and for being an overall sweetheart, anon!

#burnyouwithacigarettelighter #long post

[creativitysparks4everxoxo]

I never make memes because I suck at making them, but I thought I'd try my hand at making one for TFE. This is so heavily inspired by that famous TFE meme that I first saw posted on reddit and then saw posted again on here. I felt that it needed a part 2 because the TFE haters have been extra exhausting lately. 😩

*This isn't just a meme post, this is also a scene playing in my head and basically a jumble of thoughts. Can you guess which character I represent? 🤣

EarthSpark haters: This show is woke garbage! The character designs are horrible and the voice acting is subpar! This show is grooming children and forcing gender politics onto our precious children blah blah blah! 😡😤

EarthSpark: A refreshing new take on the TF franchise that redefines what it means to be family, through the lens of a beautiful POC family that adopt a new species of Transformers called "Terrans". The Terrans are born on earth and are adopted into the loving Malto Family, where they form a strong bond with the Malto Kids, Robby and Mo. Although the show's main target audience is children, the enjoyment of this show is not limited to kids because many EarthSpark lovers are not kids, and this show is meant to be wholesome and action packed.

This adaptation shows the viewers that Decepticons are not inherently bad and being bad is a choice. We see that some Decepticons just want to live in peace and do not want to harm people, but because of the insignia that they wear, they are forever branded as the villain. However, despite this, some Decepticons are genuine friends with Autobots in this show, showing that at the end of the day, Decepticons and Autobots are still the same species and friendship goes beyond a label.

The first piece of TF media to introduce a non-binary character (the main cause of all the hate that TFE receives 😑), that is such an amazing character whose personality does not centre around their gender identity. As seen in the new batch of episodes released on March 3rd, that EarthSpark haters conveniently did not watch.

People who haven't seen it: I mean, it's pretty hard to form an opinion when we haven't actually watched the show yet. But we find the amount of hate that this show receives absolutely ridiculous. To hate on a show that you know nothing about, beyond the selective parts that you choose to hate is just sad. Maybe try watching the show first before you bash it? How do you know that Nightshade's personality will "centre around them being non-binary" if you haven't even watched the show yet? 🤨

How is this show "woke garbage"? Do you just have a problem with POC being the main humans? Or do you foolishly expect every piece of TF media to be identical to the G1 series or [insert preferred TF adaptation here]? Did you know that adaptations are meant to be a retelling of an existing story by incorporating new elements to further expand the story and offer a new take? Did you know that it's okay to add a variety of different characters from all walks of life, whether they are LGBTQ+, POC, disabled, non-binary, etc? These people exist in real life and it's good to teach kids this so that if they identify as any of these, they will know that it's normal and that they are not alone. They will feel seen!

We may watch TFE because it looks interesting and we like the Transformers franchise, and we want to see Transformers being Transformers! Or we may not watch TFE, but we won't bash it because we have not seen it!

EarthSpark lovers: We find the amount of hate that this show receives quite sad, because we absolutely love the direction that this show is going! We haven't had a TF show centred around family bonds since TFA! We really like the idea of a brand new species of Transformers being born on earth, and we like that they are adopted into the Malto Family vs just being seen as friends. This adds more depth and makes these characters even more interesting.

We find it cool that although the Terrans are these highly advanced, highly intelligent robotic beings, they still act like children and have their childish moments that consist of sibling rivalry, innocent naivety caused by them only being online for what, a few weeks in S1A? and other adorable childish moments.

This show may be marketed towards kids, but the amount of positive messages and themes shown is beautiful. Even more "sensitive" topics are present in this show, which is wonderful because kids should know about them.

Teamwork

Family bonds

Friendship

Giving second chances

Healthy discussions on gender identity

Racism

We like that TFE has given us G1 Daddy Optimus back, with his goofy dad moments. Too funny! And why is Bumblebee handsome AND adorable at the same time?!! 🥺🥺 He's just so precious in this adaptation!

We like the little details like Mo wearing a bonnet to bed to protect her gorgeous curls, or Robby being a hard-core gamer. Or Alex wanting to share his Filipino culture with his children and pass down traditions that he and his grandfather shared. We like that Dot is passionate about animals and enjoys bird watching. She's also a war veteran and has a disability, but she's still a badass! We like the Malto Family as a whole because they are such a nice family and they must be protected at all costs!!!

Ultimately, it is impossible to narrow down everything that we love about TFE in one post, because there is just SO MUCH GOOD with this show!

The character designs

The voice cast

The positive messages

The Terrans

Representation for POC

Representation for non-binary people

Daddy Optimus

Uncle Megatron

Uncle Bumblebee

Aunt Elita-1

Big sister Arcee

Not all Decepticons are bad

Dot and Megs' friendship

The sound design

And many, many, MANY more things!

Here is the TFE meme I drew inspiration from:

I can't seem to find the original reddit post anymore. Did it get deleted? But anyway, this meme is beautiful and if you're the OP of this meme and you see this post, thank you! I was thinking the same thing when I first saw this scene from "H.O.U.S.E. Rules".

*Edit: I've been adding to the list of things that EarthSpark lovers love lol so far I added Dot and Megs' friendship and The sound design, and I will probably continue to add more points in the future :)

If you made it to the end, thank you! 😊 That's all for now ~

#personal #rant #tfe #transformers #transformers earthspark #transformers: earthspark #earthspark #malto family #random #meme #look friends i made a meme #tfe nightshade #transformers earthspark nightshade #tfe optimus prime #tfe bumblebee #tfe elita one #tfe arcee #tfe terrans #terrans #daddy optimus #tfe megatron #haters gonna hate #rant post #seriously just watch tfe FIRST instead of bashing it

[bangtanficsforyou]

Lights, Camera....Action (Teaser)

Pairing: Photographer! Jungkook x Model! Reader

Genre: Smut.

Au: Strangers to Lovers au

Warning: Curse words, smut.

Smut Warning: *clears throat* this is going to be a lot. Rough sex, putting up a show in front of camera, she is asked to spread her you know what with her fingers to give a proper view, she calls Jungkook Mr. Jeon because 😏, degradation, humiliation, dirty talk, unprotected sex (do NOT do this), tit slapping, spitting, oral (f), oral (m), nipple teasing, he cums on her face and tits, creampie, tit sucking, manhandling, overstimulation. Might have missed a few things, in case of which, I will add them, when the fic is completed. Just basically, the whole kinky shit.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: For the teaser, 1.5K.

Summary: Jeon Jungkook is one of the top photographers in the country. You, are one of the top models in the country. Your agencies think if the two of you were to work together it would be one the biggest collaborations in recent times.

And so you do.

But the collaboration that is supposed to be him clicking your pictures, turns into a collaboration of a whole different kind.

A/N: I uploaded this yesterday but there was something wrong with the post ig. I couldn't edit it neither would it show up on the tags. Hence, this is me re-uploading this. Also, this is a part of the draft. The scene is subject to minor changes.

If you want early access to this fic and to all of my other fics, head over to my Patreon page. I have only recently opened my Patreon page, so please show me some support. 🤗

The moment you walk into the set, you realise that the atmosphere is pretty different from what you're used to. It's much....quieter.

There isn't the usual hustle and bustle you get to experience and feel regularly. There isn't a group of people assigned for each piece of equipment. Neither is there the usual low murmur that makes the set feel alive. 

It's calm.

But you decide that you like it.

"Miss Y/L/N?" A feminine voice calls out for you.

"That would be me, yes," you reply with a humble smile on your face.

The lady nods at you. "Please come this way. Mr. Jeon has been waiting for you."

Mr. Jeon as in Jeon Jungkook.

You see, your and Jungkook's agencies thought that it would be a good idea to bring the top model and the top photographer in the country together. A little collaboration that is sure to catch attention.

The top photographer in the country being Jungkook and the top model being you.

When you learnt that you were collaborating with him, you had done some research just so that you don't happen to embarrass yourself when you meet him. From whatever information you could gather, Jungkook is known for bringing out the artistic side of the simplest of things. What impressed you, however was his versatility.

His subjects vary vastly. From plain green grass to the starry sky to animals and birds to professional models.

You won't lie, when you searched for his most popular photographs, you had to look at the comments to understand and see the artistic side of them.

Perhaps, you think it's because you have worked so long in an industry where it's all about superficial beauty that you have lost your ability to appreciate real beauty and art.

"Mr. Jeon, Miss Y/L/N is here," the lady says to who you assume is Jungkook. You say assume because he currently has his back facing you.

However, at the lady's words, he turns around and the moment you lock eyes with him, you feel your breath hitch.

He is beautiful.

You had seen his pictures on the net but nothing could compare to seeing him up front, right in front of you.

He is handsome and attractive, that much anyone with eyes can tell. But there's something oddly beautiful about him, that you haven't witnessed before.

It's how soft and sparkly his eyes are, almost as if they hold all the secrets of the universe. But then you also notice the burning passion that lies behind them. He is soft and fierce. A combination that you find extremely attractive.

Then there are the stray curls of hair that fall into his forehead making him look like a painting. His piercings shine under the light and the way he glances at you is currently making you feel a lot of things. Things you weren't prepared to feel on a set of all places and for the man you're collaborating with of all people.

It's only when your eyes drift towards his body that you notice his build and the tattoos that decorate his skin. 

My goodness, you think.

He is the kind of guy you'd like to get under for a hot dirty session of fucking but at the same time would want to just gaze into his eyes as he tells you the meaning behind each and every tattoo on his skin.

When you take a notice of his outfit; the white loose shirt with the first few buttons undone and the tight jeans that perfectly hugs his thighs, you decide that right now, he looks more like the guy you'd want to have a dirty session of fucking with.

"Miss Y/N," his smooth voice doesn't help your case at all. "It's nice to meet you."

"Mr. Jeon, the honour is mine." You shake hands with him and boy do you feel your skin burning at the touch. 

"I hope you didn't have much trouble finding the place." He says with a polite smile on his face that makes his lips quirk up and you can only think of getting a taste of those pink, plump lips of his.

"Ah no, not really. But I have to admit the environment on set took me by surprise."

"I'm assuming you're accustomed to at least a hundred people on set?" He queries with one of his eyebrows raised in both amusement and curiosity. When he sees you nod, he lets out a chuckle. "So, was it a pleasant surprise or a bad one?"

"A pleasant one," you hum. "This feels much more relaxing and less intimidating."

"Well, that is pretty much why I prefer fewer people on set. It helps my models relax and lets them do their thing comfortably."

You chew on your lips and wonder if you should shoot your shot. Well, fuck that, it's not about if any more it's more about when. You definitely want to shoot your shot but the question is what time is appropriate.

Doing it before the shoot has even begun can be considered unprofessional and inappropriate. But you can't deny there's something very exciting about being unprofessional, about doing things that you wouldn't usually do. That leaves you with the dilemma as to what you should actually do.

After a quick session of analysing, you decide to be subtle. Just light flirting here and there to check if he reciprocates your gestures. If he doesn't, you will back off. However, if he does flirt back, you can step it up a notch and see where it goes.

"Have you ever considered professional modelling?" You question.

"Me? Modelling?" Jungkook points at himself just to make sure that it is him, you're talking about.

When you confirm with a yes, he seems a bit surprised.This won't be the first time someone has said so. Modelling agencies have approached him every now and then for him to become their new face but he has politely turned them down each time.

However, that doesn't mean that he isn't flattered and surprised by you saying that. Surprised because you are one of the top models in the country. Flattered because damn, you're beautiful.

You are physically attractive, of course. But what magnifies his attraction towards you is your charm. You just have this whole charm about yourself that he hasn't encountered before. You carry yourself so well. And fuck, if he wasn't a goner for you the moment you smiled at him.

Hence a compliment coming from you, has him feeling bashful.

"I don't think I'd do a good job at modelling but thank you for thinking that I'd."

"What a shame," you sigh. "You'd be such a great model."

Jungkook is confused. He is flattered yes, but also confused.

Are you flirting with him? Now, he isn't someone who mistakes compliments for flirting or thinks that complimenting someone equals to flirting. But it isn't your words that has him feeling confused, it's your body language, the way your eyes sparkle with mischief and the way your lips form a smirk.

Hey, he is a photographer! He just has an eye for observing things.

Before he can further read you, you continue, "It just doesn't feel right to have someone who is frame-worthy to be behind the scenes."

You are definitely flirting with him.

Well, if you are, who is he to turn down the opportunity?

"I think I am going to stick to photography for now," he replies with a chuckle. "I mean look at me getting the opportunity to capture your beauty. What more could I ask for?"

For a very brief moment, your stance falters. Him flirting back is what you hoped for but didn't expect. But damn, your nerves are now tingling with excitement.

"Like I said, it's an honour for me to be your model," you reply sincerely. "But I'm curious, what exactly do you enjoy about photography?"

Jungkook thinks about your question for a brief moment. "I like to think that as a photographer, it's my responsibility to make people see what is often overlooked. For you to be able to do that, the way you view things has to change and I honestly enjoy challenging my own views about things."

"That is very interesting," you would be lying if you didn't find his perception sexy. Everything about this man is attractive, it seems. "Is that the same thinking process you carry when you work with models?"

"Perhaps yes but I can't deny I enjoy telling people how to pose," he lets out a small laugh. "When I picture objects or animals, I can't have them pose in a way that would make my job as a photographer easier. So when I get the opportunity to have my subject pose the way I want, I do it to my heart's content, until I'm satisfied with my shots."

Hmm, so you enjoy telling people what to do?" You say it without registering your words. But the moment it does, you feel yourself panic.

Here he was, giving you a sincere reply to your question and you had to ruin it by ignoring everything he said and by dropping a comment like that.

Well, shit.

But in your defence, he is distracting. Be it the way he smells or the way he moves his heavily tattooed arms while speaking. He is very very distracting

Jungkook is heavily amused by your comment as well as the panic he sees in your eyes.

It makes him smirk.

"Maybe, I do." He replies, his voice now a octave deeper.

Your eyes snap up to meet his eyes and you are thoroughly caught off guard by his response. But the moment you see his smirking face, you let the words settle.

And soon there's a smirk on your face too.

"Well then, I'm looking forward to you telling me what to do." You say in a sultry tone.

"Yeah?" He steps closer to you. "Would you do what I ask you to?"

"You will just have to see that for yourself." You wink at him and head towards the dressing room, feeling smug and with a burning sensation pooling at the pit of your stomach.

For exclusive sneak peeks of this fic, you can always go to my patreon page! Thanks for reading. ❤️

#Jungkook x Reader #Jungkook smut #Jungkook photographer au #Jungkook oneshot #Strangers to lovers

[noonaishere]

Music of the Heart [J.YH] - twenty-nine | more like constipated

“He kept trying to talk to me during senior year,” you continued, “maybe he just thought that I would cool down after a while and we could be friends again… but I just couldn’t trust him after that.” You wiped a tear away, the memories fresh in your mind now from recounting it all.

Hongjoong nodded.

“My mom never wanted me to be friends with a boy anyway, so she was happy to keep him away whether I wanted her to or not. And because he was the only friend I had, I had none for the rest of the school year. The day after I graduated, I moved out, pawned my violin, used the money to buy back my bass, moved to Seoul, and never spoke to him or my family ever again.”

Hongjoong nodded again before shaking his head. “I’m… I’m sorry. My family is in the arts as well but they’ve always been supportive of me no matter what I wanted to do… I can’t imagine what it must be like to be completely at odds with the people who are supposed to love you.”

You nodded with a laugh. “Well, I can tell you it sucks, so you don’t have to try and imagine.”

He smiled, appreciation of your joke mixed with pity for the situation that would cause you to make it.

You nodded. 

“That’s why you’re so good at sight reading.” 

“Yep.” 

“And that’s why you know so much classical music.” 

“Somewhat unfortunately.” 

“‘Unfortunately?’” 

“Someone should know pieces or songs because they like them, no? Not because it was forced on them.” 

Hongjoong nodded slowly. “We definitely agree on that.”

You nodded.

“Well, if you want I can ask Jongho to never invite him to the studio again. He’ll listen to me.”

You shook your head. “Thanks, but I kind of saw him in the hallway the last time he was here and uh… told him off?”

His eyebrows ticked up. “You did?”

“Yeah. He asked if I was sure I didn’t know him and I told him I knew exactly who he was and that I wanted him to never speak to me again.”

“What’d he say?”

“He seemed pretty stunned.”

“Well,” Hongjoong folded his arms and nodded, “I have to say I’m proud of you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. If he ruined your dreams and you told him to stay away, he should.”

You nodded. 

“Have you talked to your family since you left?”

“Not really… my brother texts me sometimes but I just blow him off.”

“Then I’ll say what they should have been saying to you the whole time: I’m proud of you.”

You nodded, and turned away.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry,” you held back tears. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.”

He put a hand on your shoulder.

“I… they never ever told me they were proud of me. Well, a couple times when I won violin competitions… but I didn’t even want to be there so it felt more like they were congratulating themselves instead of me.”

He nodded. “I understand.” “Umm… thank you? For telling me you’re proud of me. You’re like… the brother or cousin I’ve never had.” You laughed at how stupid the idea was.

He smiled. “I’ll be your older brother if you want. You already have my number, so just call me if you ever need anything.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Imagine that you have one family member you’re on good terms with, and it’s me.”

You nodded with a laugh. “Okay. Aside from the audition and my first week here, you’re still cooler than my real brother.”

“Hey, I just wanted whoever we hired to be worthy of the job. The person who left wasn’t and I wanted someone who was perfect.”

You scoffed. “…I’m perfect?”

“Yeah. So far. You can play bass, which is what we originally wanted, and then you surprised us by being able to read sheet music, and you understand how to mix music to bring out the best parts of a song. I’d say that makes you perfect for this job.”

You nodded.

“And… for putting up with my bad attitude at the beginning, I’d say you’re a pretty great person in general.”

You laughed. “You’re right, it would take a saint to put up with you.”

He laughed. “I was just trying to scare off anyone who was weak enough to be scared by it.”

“Truthfully, you’re not that scary.”

He looked offended. “I can be scary!”

At that moment, Maddox walked in the door. “Why are you scary? Are you trying to scare t/n away again? I’ll punch you.”

You laughed. 

“Why are you back?”

“I left my phone charger and I only have one.”

“Living on the wild side.” You laughed.

Maddox looked near his chair for the charger and found it.

“Hey, I can be scary, right Maddox?” Hongjoong made an angry face at him.

He looked at him for a moment as he coiled the wire around his hand and put it in his bag. “More like constipated.”

“Hey!” Hongjoong yelled.

You howled with laughter.

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luvvvx • iamthehotdemon • hrts4hanniehae •

#Yunho #Jeong Yunho #Ateez #Ateez smau #Ateez fic #Ateez au #music industry au #enemies to lovers #childhood friends to lovers #reader fic #ᴍᴜsɪᴄ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ

[ssaalexblake]

How would you respond to claims that 13's run feels a bit dodgy by having a cop travel with them?

You know, the other day while generally browsing the internet I happened across somebody complaining about this war movie. They were angry it was glorifying soldiers. Were anti-military themselves in general. You know what I mean. The thing is, though, the literature course I did in school had an entire unit and exam on war literature and I've read the book upon which the movie was based on and it has stuck with me as an incredible critique of war, conscription and the military by portraying those things in fiction. I would never pick it up again, not because it was bad, but because it was rough to 17yo me, but I am happy I've read it and other pieces of literature like it. I am happy I was taught to analyse and contextualise media with a serious subject such as that.

Now, this isn't the exact same thing as this. The BBC would legit never allow their lead children's show to Explicitly portray any acab message, like, ever, lets be true to reality here. But also, I genuinely think there is a fair amount of that puritanical black and white thinking going on here on the riff of Yaz working for the police being an immediate strike against the show because people think that portraying something is automatically lauding it because uh, the content of the story does Not track with the idea they're saying cop work is good work.

I have seen (on this site and many others) people say over and over again the only good cops are either dead or have quit bc they realised it was a crock of shit. In which case, the question becomes;

Did y'all miss the part where Yaz quit?

Yaz is not a cop anymore. Yaz quit. Yaz is portrayed as thinking it's frustrating bc because the helping people thing she was supposed to be doing isn't happening and we're shown this from literally the get go, her very first scene, and from there is only seen as trying A) to get work where she's actually helping somebody and totally failing to get it and B) straight up trying to get out of going to work by actually forging paperwork. S/O to her for that bit of illegality btw. Love that for her. She does not end the series employed by the police. Yaz found an actual way to help people and chose to do That instead.

Yaz's career arc is 'disillusioned teen signs up to be cop, realises it's bullshit and there are actual ways to help people and quits to go do that instead' which is, if i'm not mistaken, what we want actual real life cops to realise about their life choices.

I get it's a tetchy subject bc acab, i agree, and I get and agree and wish that this stuff could be more explicitly portrayed as well bc i'm sick of media or execs being too cowardly to be bold about messaging, but the insinuation that this portrayed the cops as systematically helpful or useful by having Yaz start out as a cop? No. Would I have liked it to be more explicit? Well yes, duh, but I cannot emphasise how that was literally never gonna happen. I can however emphasise how ideas like Yaz, whose main goal is to help, quitting being a cop bc she wasn't helping anybody beamed into impressionable young minds do, in fact, take root though.

Like, having a plucky teen hero character go through an arc of helping people and them Ending a cop to carry on the good work is Vastly different to a plucky teen starting out a cop bc they think that's how they get to help people then quitting bc they realised that's not true. One of these things is pro cop, the other is not.

I also hasten to mention again that there is a genuine conversation here abt the dodgy-ness cops being used in mental health emergencies. I wrote this out about it [Here].

On a personal note on this score, I, much like Sonya have been forced to deal with cops throughout somebody else's mental health emergency when I never should have had to and it fucking sucked. What an unempathetic bunch of rats who clearly haven't even done a google search's worth of research on how to discuss these things, let alone give it the gravity it deserves. That my choices were either cops or somebody dying is a travesty. And maybe this story speaks to me more personally as somebody who has had this experience and wants to throw hands over it still over a decade later, but that lady did not help Yaz, Yaz helped herself after a measly pep talk and the woman obviously never bothered to keep tabs and see if Yaz was okay afterwards either. Ryan helped his mate. Graham spreads good mental health advice that benefits others. The hospital in Syria was dealing in mental heath care by professionals of the time. Cop lady convinced Yaz to go home, succeeded, and Yaz gave her the credit when it was Her who dug herself out of that pit and not anybody else.

Like, genuinely this whole thing sets me off angry. And I could critique the execution if I wanted to but the bottom line is i've not actually seen anything else even go slightly Near where this plot went and I genuinely think it was something that should be said. As I said, a decade later and I still want to throw hands.

So basically like, I get the discomfort, I do, I get not wanting to see it as well, but Yaz grew OUT of this. Not the other way around. Portrayal is not endorsement. I do not personally find this era difficult to parse but people seem either unwilling or unable to do so on literally every theme addressed in it, but I am just back to being that 17yo in an english lit class being taught how to examine things through the vehicle of anti-war stories, ones that people are actually nowadays mad at for glorifying war just because they portray it when this couldn't be farther from the truth, and I cannot help but relate the situations a bit.

I mean, I don't think it's a 10/10 and I would tweak, but I am aware you won't be finding anything as bold as blatant acab on dw in this geopolitical climate and since that's endemic literally everywhere i'm not gonna single out This show for it when at least its trying (watching classic who and the things they just openly say and portray is soooooo eye opening. TV of the 21st century has no spine in general.) But the portrayal of something does not imply that said thing is positive. If real cops ditching the badge on principle is a good thing that we want to continue, I fail to see how fake ones portraying that said same thing is bad.

#dw shit #cynicalclassicist #prepare to get eaten alive for this one i guess #also i don't think dead cops are good cops bc dead cops who are shitbags don't deserve all the #glorifying and idolizing they get when they died assholes #give me one who walked away. that is better. #also lol there is SO MUCH media out there that glorifies cops #like fuck y'all ever seen an ep of blu/e blo/ods??? fucking galling #but nobody ever bitches abt the worst offenders bc nobody thinking this stuff has ever seen them l o l #i know this show is shit bc some situations u just can't leave #if i could erase a show from existence it'd be that one #dw meta

[elektrasimp]

Watching a YouTuber (Dan Murrell) review Oppenheimer and he made a great point about how movies are not content made to be consumed but art made to be digested. And I think that social media and the MCU has trained audiences to see everything as content which I think helps to explain some of the backlash that Oppenheimer has received which I don’t think it really deserves.

I think it’s valid and I’m not trying to speak over anyone who says that a Japanese voice should’ve been included or to show the people affected by the trinity test.

But at the same time, I think that speaks to how people consume movies as content instead of art. Because art is about perspective, not about telling the true or full story.

Oppenheimer was not a good guy. The US fucking sucks. The atomic bomb was not a good invention. And many people were victimized by it.

But, these are things people should already know. This movie isn’t about these things. It has a story to tell and it has emotions it wants to make the audience feel. Sometimes those emotions are to confuse or fill you with dread or suspense or joy or nostalgia — unlike content, the point is not always to convince you or inform you.

Oppenheimer is not about telling you if he was a good or bad guy. This movie is about making you feel the perspective of one man. And like the beauty of art, even though it’s not personal, it still feels universal.

Oppenheimer was a man who went back and forth on his convictions. Never truly seemed to believe them, but wanted the credit of believing them. He used left-leaning politics not so much because they were his own, but because he liked the women who had these politics.

And the movie clearly reflected that. It showed how he went back and forth. How there’s so many interpretations to who he was. How he might not even be that “brilliant” but that he was a good organizer and a good pawn.

Just as a side note this is a good thing to remember when neoliberals act like politicians can save us. I digress, but again that’s the point of art. Obviously, Nolan did not mean for this movie to reflect on neoliberal vs class-conscious politics, but I can take my experiences to interpret this movie and see how it reflects on my own world.

Also, I think this movie does speak to real life politics and power. The way that petty, vindictive men are making decisions about our lives without any care of the casualties. That so much of politics is a pissing match. That the government makes decisions, discards people, and hides it behind lack of information and propaganda.

Also, movies like any art, tell a story and make you feel emotions through methods that aren’t explicit. This movie uses perspective really well. Everything is told through the eyes of Oppenheimer. And we can quite literally sense and feel how the women in his life, his friends, the background people in Los Alamos, and the possible victims are not as important to him as his own personal dilemmas.

We see that through the use of color (everything in color is largely his perspective, and everything in black and white is outsider perspective), through imagery (when he sees water ripples on the map of possible locations), through acting (the script was written in first person, so Cillian Murphy’s acting reflects how this is purely Oppenheimer’s perspective), and sound (we feel the tension build up to the trinity test through the score because this is such an important moment to this character).

And by showing the people who were victimized explicitly, then you would be falsely showing that Oppenheimer and the US govt cared about these people.

In movies and art, there is just as much importance in what you don’t choose to show.

So, not to sound like an English teacher giving you a worksheet on a mandatory reading assignment, but art is meant to be interpreted.

What is the perspective? Is this narrator relatable? What devices is the author using to show these ideas? When this piece was published, what was the cultural and societal context like?

We shouldn’t treat art like a marvel movie or an infographic that’ll tell us everything we should feel. We should interpret it, criticize it, and analyze it for what it is.

Movies are met to make us feel. Even shitty movies. You can take as much a way from a Michael Bay Transformers movie as you can from Citizen Kane.

#oppenheimer #barbenheimer #Barbie #oppenbarbie #christopher nolan