#yeah and its not helping to have 2 people that are physically violent in my life either

[slutdge]

i gotta be honest living under the constant threat that the cops can just show up and kidnap me and likely use excessive force to do so anytime they want like they have many times before for the crime of mental illness is not really helping my mental health all that much. one might say its even making it worse. hypothetically.

#hypothetically (i havent slept in days because of the paranoia) #yeah and its not helping to have 2 people that are physically violent in my life either #and every time i try to get away from them THEY CALL THE COPS AND LIE ABOUT ME HAVING A PLAN TO KILL MYSELF LOL #im working hard to get away but like im about to turn 25. its been almost 25 years. i want it to pay off now. #not in fucking 2 years or whatever i cant stand it for another second #im running on empty. i want things to be better now. #ptsd #apologies again for using this blog as a void to scream into about mental illness but i dont have anywhere else to do it lol #im trying not to drink anymore but idk maybe life should take its fucking boot off my neck for 5 seconds perhaps

[suffarustuffaru]

Reading your tags about how people miss the very obvious "there's some fucked up shit boiling underneath" regarding Otto, just gave me a sudden realization. Otto is the only character I know in fiction where they act all innocent and drive up the "clumsy", "just in the side-lines" and "straight-man (heh)" persona. When. Like no one's in the EMT camp is buying it. They know he's way more capable than he let's on. Meanwhile, the tomfoolery is completely brought on by the Western audience.

Like Otto is failing miserably to make other characters believe that he's not up to mischief, Roswaal even thinks it can bring his downfall. But the audience, who even sometimes *sees* his fucked up thought process, is buying it.

*head in hands*

no u bring up so many good points bc ive been really thinking about this for a while T^T its such an interesting phenomenon in the difference in perception otto has between the japanese speaking half of the fandom vs the english speaking half which can be explained by—yeah. media illiteracy mainly. im also putting my head in my hands anon T^T

because—okay sorry wkdndn im gonna get into meta again but hear me out bc this pattern of the fandom underestimating otto is interesting bc i kind of sort of i cracked the code maybe??? o.o i think the nature of otto is a character is that youre SUPPOSED to underestimate him at first, just like what happens sometimes in universe. i mean wayyy back then i definitely wasnt expecting him to get more depth added to him in arc 4–which was a pleasant surprise—which is also the reaction the vast majority of people have to reading/watching arc 4, along with the other vast majority reaction which is being a bit endeared to ottosubas friendship and respecting otto for being a good friend. and then its easy to underestimate otto bc of 1. all the chaos going on in rezero at any given moment and 2. hes almost always overshadowed by other characters doing worse shit or being more insane than he is and 3. otto of course damn well knows hes easy to underestimate and counts on that. thats what he did against roswaal in arc 4. plus—i mean even aesthetics-wise hes 100% DESIGNED to be easy to underestimate. his outfit and physical features make him look either friendly or frazzled or soft. so i think that the point is that we were supposed to be kind of fooled—at first.

because yeah, we’re endeared to otto. we respect him for helping subaru the way he did. we think that hes a nice person and we now support his actions especially after feeling sympathetic towards him after learning his backstory. (or at least the average audience member will think this wjdndn.) but like—you dont even NEED to look at any side content at all for it to dawn on you that theres something Wrong. with him. like all you need is main route arcs 3-8 aka ottos entire screentime thus far, because at arc 4 its so easy to overlook otto unless youre thinking a bit deeper (for example—he gets violent with subaru. like yeah its entertaining, its played for laughs a bit, yeah subaru needed to be snapped out of his own head, but was it 100% necessary??? why did otto have this response??? bc if you just look at the main timeline otto really decided to beat up subaru first. and bc this tendency is now Less Funny in arc 8).

but even if youre just looking at rezero face value, when you get to arc 5 its starting to get even more clear that ottos weird in the head. like we already saw him being very good at scheming and planning in arc 4–in arc 5, we find out about otto hiding the tome for a year. we find out WHY hes been hiding the tome for a year. the tome then leads the witch cult into priestella, so like—in the sense, otto is RESPONSIBLE for arc 5. but theres STILL a tendency sometimes for the audience to continue underestimating him even though by this point we’re getting more clues and many characters around otto, like you said anon, KNOW hes very capable. i keep wondering why this is, but arc 5 is, again, FULL of chaos and different storylines happening at once, so its so easy to almost kind of forget otto there in the background until he occasionally pops up again. plus otto serves an additional role as comedic relief sometimes—he spends all of arc 5 being bitchy and whiny (i say this affectionately HAH) about his camp being full of disasters, for example, so i think the natural response from the audience tends to be “aw otto!! what a silly guy!!” sometimes. you know? so its like. i think at this point some people tend to be like “yeah fair that otto was wary of roswaal and thats why he saved the tome…. anyway ooooh whats going on with these other plot points” wobsbss. its so fascinating bc—ok this might be my own personal experience but anyone reading this pls tell me if you agree or not—i dont think ive seen a lot of people actually even MENTION otto bringing the tome into priestella attracting witch cultists. and the english speaking fandom LOVES to go into certain characters’ wrongdoings so why gloss over otto????

the only explanation i have for this is that from arcs 3-4 underestimating otto is. kind of the point of his character UNTIL you get to arc 5 and the clues in the main story start seeping in even more. and also the western audience DOES have media illiteracy a lot. theres that too. just look at rezero content on youtube or reddit or fanfic sites or other things of that sort T^T but no yeah i think ottos nature as a character exacerbates it. youre supposed to start asking questions about him. youre supposed to start connecting the dots and then SUDDENLY its now EXTREMELY obvious in arc 7-8 and even while theres so much chaos going on its basically shoved in your face. arc 7-8 is just delivering on all the leadup that was arcs 3-5.

and i think that youve gotta be media illiterate for sure to NOT get that otto is not squeaky clean and innocent BY ARC 8. i think that ottos the deconstruction of the loyal best friend trope, and also a mirror into what subaru couldve been like if he decided to be more ruthless instead of jumping right to forgiveness and saving everyone, except sometimes that flies right over the audience’s head wkdndnd. it confuses me bc ive seen some people completely miss the point or completely agree with otto and overlook the Bad Parts of it or, you know, STILL think ottos perfectly sane—like T^T please.

and yeah so back to what you said about otto Not being underestimated In Universe—its such an interesting detail bc hes ALWAYS been simultaneously pathetic and Very Competent wjdndnd. but yeah no all of his friends have seen various hints and clues and evidence of what hes capable of. like even though he hid the tome from them successfully and even though hes hiding info now its INEVITABLE that its gonna blow up in his face one day. like you got characters like garfiel who literally saw otto punch the wall and break his hand in an unhinged fit of rage, julius who got snapped at by otto and while julius is a Bit naive definitely knows somethings off there, anastasia whos smart as hell and definitely knows not to underestimate otto, and roswaal who, like you said anon, literally went out of his way to stop otto from breaking his hand in another unhinged fit of rage and warned otto that he will literally be destroying himself if he keeps going on like this. its this fascinating dichotomy bc otto is NOT fooling anyone around him but at the same time his current schemes are mostly unnoticed—for now—which yeah i havent seen that in a lot of media!!! its an interesting balancing act bc people around him realistically know hes competent after seeing the Proof of that for the past couple arcs, but otto is still finding ways to try and Win…

which—again, the anger and violence is an extension of arc 4 otto!! this is the same guy!! hes always been like this!! ottos kind of stayed the same, deep down, this whole time and as an audience its ONLY shoved in our face with a big gigantic spotlight on it FOUR ARCS LATER, but it was hinted to all this time. and like you said anon—we LITERALLY see ottos fucked up thought processes. literally what sane person thinks any of that shit. its spelled right out for the reader HAH T^T which—yeah. media illiteracy…. and also this whole ask was a longer way of just saying that otto is VERY easy to see at surface level if youre media illiterate. but at the same time it should be very easy to figure out otto is A Bit Fucked Up bc tappei underlines it in bright red print!!! i think people sometimes just hang onto soft awkward silly otto and forget about the rest T^T either that or they dont think he cares about subaru at all. which. that phenomenon of thinking characters that do care about subaru Dont Care is also interesting to me bc why????? we’re at arc 8 and you STILL dont get it??? o.ooooo

but yeah apart from that….. i said this earlier but yeah sometimes some people agree with ottos realism in arc 8 which is. understandable, but the whole point is that he is EXTREME. with it. hes Not in the right here, but the same crowd that wants wanton revenge in rezero is gonna agree with that kind of stuff T^T ottos been lurking in the background so much so that tappei made it meta by doing the whole “walking in darkness” part of his character, so i guess people just. dont see ottos ACTUAL worst traits and instead think he would ditch subaru at the first opportunity or something. but at the point we are now, arc 8 ottos problem isnt that hed ditch subaru. his problem is that he would sacrifice the world for subaru. his problem is that he gets extremely angry at subaru for trying to do good. his problem is that hes trying to micromanage everything around him and is willing to sacrifice anything necessary to get what he wants. but sometimes people dont get that bc otto doesnt look sound or seem like a character thatd do that. the Underestimation part of his character is doing too well on. certain audiences. please T^T the soft and awkward and silly parts ARE part of his character just like all the Darker parts are!!!

additionally im also wondering if western audience perception of otto is also clouded by the fact that otto looks and sounds more feminine / androgynous and he doesnt have the appeal of Overt Power either……. he cant Really be waifu-ified… and he cant be used as a weird self insert like subaru…. and you Have to look at him closer to understand him…. and for some reason people dont tend to hate on him so aggressively, if anything people cant even see his actual canonical flaws half the time wkdndn so if youre not paying attention otto CANT be aggressively hated on bc theres nothing there if ur not looking at it….. and if youre not paying attention otto seems more “boring” compared to the others…… (not that people arent allowed to not have otto as a favorite character bc thats totally fair but im talking about the tendency to think hes Saner than he actually is.) but yeah these are just my guesses. i have no clue the western fandom is a little T^T some people unfortunately cannot read.

anyway. big thank you to the japanese fanbase for understanding ottos character more and making so much wonderful fancontent for him T^T also i think that we as a collective fanbase should stop underestimating otto in general bc its exactly what he wouldnt want and i think itd be really hilarious. <3333 make him explode with rage please

#rezero #ask #yeah sorry this response was so long wkdndnd but yeah ive been thinking on this for a while… #like ottos a very key side character thats given a lot of focus and yet hes?? largely ignored in english fanbase #but also rezero is a special case i feel bc for some reason a LOT of people misread it so easily. all the time. even fans thatve made it to #arc 8. why???? T^T rezero is so divisive i feel and for what??????? why?????? why do people miss this the story makes it obvious what its #about??? not to mention the LITERAL anime episode called THATS WHAT THIS WHOLE STORY IS ABOUT WNDNDN #tappei basically slamming u in the face with otto being fucked up fr too HAH…. #its like ottos falling into almost the same kind of stuff that rems perception by some people does. which is u know ignoring her problemati #traits of Being Obsessed With Subaru. shes a loyal ‘waifu’ and ottos a loyal friend but he cant be waifuified so easily and hes not front #and center in the sense that rem was also the second main love interest skdndnd #which i think might be the common fandom problem also of overly focusing on romance bc people notice rems loyalty more than they do otto at #this rate. bc rems the waifu. ottos only the friend. hes ‘less important’. #its interesting to me. bc why??? with other characters ppl either erase all the good or the bad out of them but with otto hes just in stasi #hes just kind of. there. #rip otto the bad luck made him cursed to always be in the background #it just confuses me so much T^T the difference between jp fandoms perception of otto vs english fandom is STAGGERING #otto suwen #the other day i accidentally got dragged into an argument on reddit bc someone tried to correct me on otto and i was like ?????? WHAT SANE #PERSON DOES ANY OF THE STUFF ARC 7-8 OTTOS DOING…??? #they were like ‘otto wouldnt do anything for subaru’ and i was like ‘lmao whys he trying to have louis killed then 😭😭😭😭’ #‘whyd he try to let 50 million ppl die then?? 😭😭’ #‘WHY DID HE DIE FOR SUBARU THEN’ #like ottos not gonna indulge subaru with everything thats not what i mean by he would do anything for subaru. he would do anything as in he #would sacrifice so much for subaru. but some people just see subaru doing it then ignore otto trying to do the same thing but in a differen #font???

[samanthaandlife]

I really don’t want to do this but I have to for me and my growth! Breaking up with Aiden was not only violent but my entire world, my life as I knew it, was over! I was ready to leave his authority and demeaning language he used when speaking about me publicly. But our breakup just happened to coincide with the COVID lockdown for which there was some small blessings in the timing. His father booked him a ticket to Cairo as a chance to get away from me and to get an early start on his new job. He believe his flight was one of the last international flights before lockdown. This gave me a guaranteed protection from him for almost a year and boy I needed it. He sent many ugly text and left voicemail that I considered having the police listen to them but never had the courage. I do feel like he would have done physical harm to me, like scared my face and vagina so that nobody else would want me.

With Aiden aside, I had to find a place to live and I was not ever going back to my parent’s house! I burned all of my bridges with friends back home as well, so I found myself homeless at the beginning of the pandemic! Lucky for me, Hank the Yank’s friend had half of a duplex available. Hank was so kind that he covered my rent until I could get my first paycheck, not until the end of August! I got a job at the school where I did my student teaching but with the lockdown and all students being stuck at home, my job’s future seemed in question. Then came the new place in a very ethnic based community, making me the only white woman around. It was pretty scary but I stayed inside all of the time. I tried to do all of my shopping early in the morning when the only activity outside were people going to work. Most of my neighbors were from Mexico to work in the poultry plant near by but a few were definitely in gangs and those boys frightened me! Once I got my first paycheck, I was able to move into a new apartment in a safer neighborhood but that spring and summer were scary.

Living in true isolation for the first time in my life really destroyed part of me. Having lived in such a controlled and sexual environment but now with the lack of direction and purpose coupled with my insatiable sexual lust for male attention; isolation was tough. As many have said, at the time, thank god for Amazon! I got my first programmable vibrator, not to mention the sour dough craze, for a point of reference. Sally and I FaceTime daily which was the only thing keeping me sane. Once school began and learning how to teach virtually, as my first year, ever, as a teacher, that was hard. I did my best but those poor kids and I really struggled the first month of school. We eventually learned a routine and we all started to feel a little more comfortable sharing and having meaningful conversations. What we all saw, behind the student’s faces were their homes and their actual lives! Never before have teachers had that intimate look into other people’s lives, it was voyeurism at its best, if that appeals to you. Appalled, disgusting, funny,sweet, loving, yeah everything, nudity, and of course sexual acts, on occasion. When I met my students for the first time, in person, I just wanted to cry over some, smack a few others, but mostly I was just happy to be in a real classroom, even if we did only meet for 1/2 days with 1/2 of the class and then switch to the other half. Those were some weird times! As restrictions were being lifted, so were my thoughts. I was a long way from where I am now but it was at this point that I started seeing a therapist named Karen. She has been my rock and guiding light through this terrible storm! Slowly, life got easier and as more and more people were able to socialize my spirit lifted again. With Karen’s help, I was first able to overcome my depression but also to help turn my life around and started to develop new life plans and goals, one without the need for men, but one where I make all of the decisions over my body!

It’s been just over four years ago, I am a different woman today. Today I know who I am, what I am, and most importantly what my value is and the strength to not lower my standards. I know there is a man out there who is perfect for me and I for him! Until that day, I celebrate my independence, my life, and my future!

[fictionaladoptionpolls]

Gon Freecss

Age: 11

Home: Whale Island (Hunter×Hunter)

Blood type: B

Likes: Violence, animals, rock-paper-scissors, violence

Dislikes: Deceit, hypocrisy, math

Nen type: Enhancement

A green-haired teenaged Shonen Jump protagonist with superhuman physical abilities, a disturbingly violent pale-haired best friend, penchants for thinking on his feet and breaking his arms, and an unseen father? Hold on, Izuku Midoriya wasn’t entered into this bracket! (Okay, yeah, like half of that is just common genre tropes, but still.)

Gon thought he was an orphan, until he was saved by a Hunter who was looking for his (alive) father. He decided to become a Hunter like his father to find his father, and…well, the only thing longer than the Hunter×Hunter manga is its hiatuses. A lot happens. Gon does a lot of violent heroism.

Gon is violent, bad-tempered, impulsive, stubborn, and a peculiar mixture of selfish and self-sacrificing. Or maybe he’s just reckless and a normal kid being compared to anime heroes? Either way, he’s almost as dangerous to the people around him as he is to himself.

But at heart, he’s a good kid with self-control issues. He wants to trust people’s better nature, to help them, to do what’s right. And that probably seems more significant to people who have read more than three chapters of Hunter×Hunter, but skimming his wiki descriptions, the places where he fails to live up to those ideals stand out more.

What does Tumblr have to say about Gon?

I already refer to him as my son and have a picture of him in my wallet.

Boy goes on an adventure! Isnt that great! He is so earnest and likable that everyone he meets ends up rooting for him! But watch out! He is pretty fucked up and unhinged actually!

i have two types of favorite character: 1) Tragedy If It Was A Person 2) silly #sometimes they are both

Also, there are a lot of Barbie mugshot memes with him and Killua, and they can’t agree which one is Barbie or which is Ken

#gon freecss #why is it spelled like that #hunter × hunter #hunter x hunter #anime child adoption bracket #profile

[will-o-the-witch]

Hey Rabbit! You mentioned cord cutting in that ask and I have to ask, what do you do when it doesn't go quite right?

I tried a cord cutting ft my ex (its been years but he still keeps popping up in my dreams and I Don't Want That) but it, made it worse? Instead of just having dreams with him in it, it progressed to actual physically violent aspects and he is Still appearing in my dreams and I'm tired of it but don't really know what else to do :(

I did the cord cutting on a full moon I think, and thought I did everything 'right', focused more on intent than specific steps from an online guide but, yeah, not really sure how to remedy it or if it's worth it to try again

Oh no! I'm sorry you're going through that.

If I'm understanding correctly and he's getting violent or threatening to get violent with you, prioritize your safety first. You may be able to look into something like a restraining order or at least informing the people around you (like employers/faculty/trusted family and friends) who can help create a barrier. Mundane before magical, always.

As for dreams, that could be treated less as actually HIM and moreso the manifestation of trauma or baggage. Cord cuttings just mean we're trying never to see them again, but we still have all our memories and emotions from the experience. Tending to your own well-being should help alleviate those, or at the very least make them less upsetting if/when they do happen.

As for the spell itself, it never hurts to try again. Take notes on what you did/n't do by the books, see what you felt worked well, design a round 2. Or you could tailor something specifically around avoiding nightmares rather than focusing on the guy.

[absolut-blue]

send me questions you have about my character! meme: (1) could Blue love again and be in a healthy relationship? (2) under what circumstances would he tell someone (or Nunnally specifically) his real name?

SEND ME QUESTIONS YOU HAVE ABOUT MY CHARACTER!

THESE ARE SO GOOD I've been thinking about them all day at work today and I'm SORRY this is really long I love Blue.

(1) could Blue love again and be in a healthy relationship?

YEAH SO I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. Blue's potential to heal and recover and become a good person is one of my favorite things to talk about. The short answer is yes, but with great difficulty.

Blue currently, by default just doesn't particularly care about people very much. He likes people that he can use. He is attracted to people for sure. He can like someone who is kind enough to let him in. But things generally always end with him pushing his luck and taking and taking until the person has had enough and cuts him off. It doesn't bother him, he just kinda moves on. He can begin to develop feelings for a person who very persistently sticks around even after seeing him on his worst days. Someone who he thinks might understand him. Keep him around, keep showing him that you listen and you care, and you understand and he can fall genuinely in love. Even if you begin to put your foot down and stop letting him walk all over you, he may push back a little initially but if all you offer him at the end of the day is somewhere to be and someone to cry to when all the others have left he will always come back.

One major hurdle here though is the relationship being healthy. Blue's relationships are unhealthy because he is the abuser. Things can't be healthy unless he improves. He has a lot of very volatile feelings, mostly they come out as anger, and he does have a tendency to get violent. He is willing and has before gotten into physical bar fights and such but I don't think he would go so far as to hit someone outside of such a setting. But he throws things, breaks things, etc when angry. He has years of trauma built up that he's never processed at all because he's just been drinking it away for as long as he can remember.

There would be so much arguing and pushback and fights to try and get him to stop drinking but it's a very necessary step. I don't really ever see him voluntarily stopping for a romantic partner, but I haven't had much opportunity to write such a thing so its possible. It's definitely a struggle. But if he does, that's when he's suddenly able to be vulnerable. Like a scared kid almost. It takes a long time to work through, but being with him while he learns to kind of be a normal person again is how you could make him yours forever. Things would be rough for a while but it would eventually become something healthy.

He spent so many years full of hatred that I think recovered Blue could be full of love to give.

(2) under what circumstances would he tell someone (or Nunnally specifically) his real name?

The thing is that Blue didn't really change his name for any particularly strong reason. He simply doesn't feel like the person he used to be. And he doesn't like the memories associated with that name so he doesn't use it. He made up the nickname and that's what he prefers.

He doesn't like people knowing it, he wouldn't tell it to anyone really. But he doesn't absolutely hate if people know it as long as they continue to call him Blue. I think under the circumstances I talked about in the last question - if someone were helping him get better through a really hard vulnerable patch in his life and helping him kind of process his trauma he might tell them. I've always debated this but I don't really think that even if he recovers that he ever wants to go by Azura, he always prefers Blue.

#THANK YOU SO MUCH this was so much fun to think about #I'm sorry it took so long to answer #lured-into-wonderland #OOC #Headcanons #J.Text #answers

[levisarelamprey]

Tagged by @indrid-hot

Rules: List 10 comfort movies (this is gonna be hard, what even are movies again?) and tag 10 people (yeah that ain’t happenin’).

1.) Avatar.  No, not The Last Airbender, don’t even mention that abomination after this sentence. James Cameron’s Avatar. Probably has a lot to do with the music and special effects. It’s almost like I’m watching a documentary instead of a movie, which is a pretty dope mindfuck. And that scene where Neytiri shouts “Eywa has heard you!”? *sobbing*

2.) Titanic. Yet another James Cameron flick. I must have a soft spot for perfectionist Canadians. At any rate, I like the movie not for the “romance” or young Leo (which doesn’t hurt), but rather just for it being about Titanic itself. I’ve always been fascinated by Titanic, the ship and its history and all that. And, once again, the movie’s music; James Horner’s soundtrack *chef’s kiss*/*violent sobbing*

3.) The Mummy. Stealing this one from you, @indrid-hot. I don’t care how often it’s on TV, how “overplayed” it might seem. It’s just a classic go-to that I never get tired of. Adventure, comedy, a touch of romance. Good times.

4.) Hocus Pocus. Need I even explain it? Halloween. Comedy. A catchy musical number. Adult themes/dialogue that went over my head as a child that I get to laugh at today. It’s a classic.

5.) Van Helsing. Another one of those The Mummy-esque vibes where it never gets old for me. Sure, the vampire actors’... well... acting.... didn’t do much for me, but hot damn if I’m not a sucker for young Hugh Jackman with long hair, or any other brooding dark-haired male protagonist with a traumatic/dark past. My friend Echo and I lovingly say in regard to myself “I have a type, I have a problem”, and it probably started with this movie.

6.) Tangled. Bruh, the first time I saw the scene for and heard the song “I See the Light”, I lost it. So beautiful. And Rapunzel PHYSICALLY standing up to Mother Gothel? Yaaasss queen!

7.) Corpse Bride. It’s short and sweet and Halloween-y and who doesn’t love the wrongdoer receiving eternal damnation while the one he wronged rests in peace at the end?

8.) The Land Before Time. The first seven, maybe first nine movies. Absolute childhood nostalgia. Sure, watching them now would probably make me cringe with embarrassment like “how the Hell could I have ever watched this?”, but when I was a kid they were some of the epitome of comfort movies.

9.) O.G. Pokémon Movies (particularly “The First Movie” and “3″ with Entei). Speaking of nostalgia, these. I will 100% watch these as an adult and NOT cringe with embarrassment. But I will bawl my eyes out because what hurt more to my traumatized 5 year-old self than watching Pikachu try to revive a stone-petrified Ash, or Entei sacrificing himself? And Mewtwo’s quote at the end? That was deep for a children’s movie; Hell, it’s deeper than a lot of shit being made out there right now.

10.) Schindler’s List. Yes, the movie depicts one of the worst times in recent history, possibly even in all of history. It’s dark and painful and to some it’s so incredibly traumatizing they can’t even bring themselves to watch it, but for me it serves as a cautionary reminder. It reminds me that history may be “written by the victors” as the saying goes, but victory can be stained and tarnished. It reminds me of humanity’s darkness, what we’re capable of, and how important it is to stand against that darkness. Not that I don’t see humanity’s darkness in today’s current climate (social, environmental, etc.), but we often lose ourselves in the world’s present or OUR SPECIFIC past, rather than see how knowing the world’s past can influence someone in the current time to make their present a better one. This movie is a wakeup call in a lot of sense, a painful reminder, a visual that helps reset myself when I’m feeling overwhelmed or don’t know how to feel at all. That’s why I find it “comforting”.

Tagging (just for the sense of y’all knowing I did this lol): @indrid-hot, @chemically-yours, @marilynnlew, @peechykeeny, @rainekittie87

#This took longer than expected #Oh well

[theliterarywolf]

Alright, so Helluva Boss has finally returned for its second season.

The bloody, raunchy little indie show that could has obviously entranced viewers all over the internet (including some who probably shouldn't be watching it; *glaring at the parents who let their elementary-age children watch it because "all cartoons are totes for children, right?"), but is the series strong enough to hold up a continuation? Or was first season a fluke with an unsteady foundation?

So earlier when I made a bite-sized post after watching the S2 premiere, I had a few people who were unsure of whether my comment of 'that was a lot' was meant to be good or bad. Which is, of course, understandable. I was out and about so I didn't want to make a full post and accidentally end up spoiling people.

However, now that I can make a longer form post, I can firmly state that the first episode of Season 2, titled "The Circus" is definitely a strong opener.

While there were a few pieces of the humor that we've come to know from this production, the bulk of the episode was definitely more grounded and drama-focused due to it following Stolas from his childhood, to the early days of his arranged marriage, and finally the current timeframe (i.e.: where Season 1 ended off)

So, what were the stand-out elements for me?

Paimon - I really enjoyed how Paimon, while being an emotionally neglectful parent, wasn't so in the bombastic, emotionally/physically abusive sense. Oh, he's still not great, but he at least had the wherewithal to, upon seeing his son upset about his 'non-negotiable arranged marriage', try and make him feel better through material means. In comparison to most parents in that trope going the route of 'stop fucking crying, do what you're told, and GO TO YOUR FUCKING ROOM!'

Biltzo and Stolas's initial reunion - While their time together as children was cute, I feel like the reunion was a bit stronger not only because of the setting for it (Stella's "Not-Divorced" Anniversary Party) but also because it gave us stronger context for the famous 'Sorry, I fucked your husband!' scene from the pilot. Stolas's joyous crows of 'That! Was the sound! Of a FUCKING divorce!!' were the icing on the cake.

However, I will admit that there were two elements which, while still enjoyable to watch, weren't executed the best.

Stolas's new song - I felt like it was so much flatter than his last performance. Yes, the moods are different (singing a heartfelt lullaby to your child versus realizing that everything in your life has gone to shit) but it never hit that realm of musical-theatre like 'You Will be Okay' did.

Fucking. Stella. - Okay. *deep breath* Okay, okay, okay. I always knew that Stella's main presence in the series is that of an emotional antagonist to Stolas but there was always the hope in my mind of 'well, she probably has reasons or weight behind her demeanor and actions. While she acts abrasive, there's something else there!'

But... Nope. Spindlehorse has decided that she's literally just a bitch. And I can't help but feel like it's a bit of a wasted opportunity because, initially, there was room for something like 'oh, she's been trying to make this unhappy marriage somewhat presentable for the sake of duty but Stolas cheating on her has just caused her to say 'fuck it' but, no, she's always been violent and angry from birth. So... yay...

Also the thing with her cackling to her friends about 'all he does is lie there in bed, I have to do everything'.

Honey. Your husband is gay. Send for an incubus or some other prostitute to get him in the mood and then push them away for the main deed. Literally, you're rich!! There are ways to go about this, Stella!

Overall, this episode is a strong 7.5/10.

Also, I just remembered that someone on Twitter translated the pages that Stolas was reading during his song and they're roughly along the lines of a recipe for crystals that allow travel to the living world. So, oof, yeah: Stolas is thinking of ending the arrangement he has with Blitzo and its going to be interesting to see how that unfolds.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW a vent maybe? Maybe abuse definitely messy family shit

I feel like my family is abusive. Which is. Weird ig, because it's not physical. The most "physical" it's ever been was lol when I was little and got my mouth washed out with soap all the time for sticking out my tongue. Nothing violent ever happened. Its just words. Words that don't count bc we're "family". Nothing ever matters when it happens to me tho. It's always just something I need to handle by myself. I have to " stop being so sensitive" or "stop fighting back" or "learn to be quiet"... It doesn't count bc it's my siblings or its my parents...that's shit you're supposed to work out on your own. Everyone has family issues so I figure everyone else must be this miserable too.

But I get so tired. I figure ok I'm not made for this life, yknow? I'm too sensitive, so its on me. But I don't like being constantly put down, I don't like it when I voice a boundary and instead of people listeningz they think "oh shoot a new way to hurt this person's feelings! Yay" and not only do they get encouraged for that but I get in trouble for being upset. I don't like being bullied by siblings or by my dad and I don't like how I'm a nuisance to my mom if I complain or fight back when they do it but I'm also nothing more to her than someone to vent to. I don't like that I'm the black sheep of the family. I don't like that I keep getting told that if I'm the only one upset or the only one really hurt, then what happened didn't matter. Bc it's a "majority rules" house and I've never been part of the majority. I feel like I've never been home and I'm so sick of wishing I could be. I don't want to call what I'm going through abusive bc 1. That's scary and 2. I could be wrong and just be another kid getting up in arms over shit that doesn't really matter bc it happens to everyone. Even though I don't even believe kids like that are really running around all the time lol and I'm also an adult. So. Yeah. But I really, really wish someone would just toss me some advice or tell me I'm not just a fucking wimp or say "what's happening is fucked"-I want someone to say " that isn't normal" or SOMETHING. I want help. I want someone to give af. I wanna hear that I'm in a bad situation and someday, Ill find a home. I don't know how to explain it but I just want whatever anyone can offer. If you just post this as a vent and nothing else, that's fine too, I guess I'm just grasping at straws and I'll take anything at this point

-Luci

Hi Luci,

I'm sorry about what you've been through. You don't deserve to go through this. You're right that these things aren't normal.

While I know that a lot of people have experienced soap in the mouth as punishment, it's actually not okay and there are better ways to discipline. Plus, it sounds like unusually cruel punishment for just sticking out your tongue.

Please remember that abuse doesn't have to be physical to be valid, and it doesn't have to be physical to be violent either. Also please remember that abusers are more likely to be people you know, such as family, so being family isn't really an excuse for doing hurtful and traumatizing things. Verbal and emotional abuse are real, and it can absolutely happen within families.

I know you've been told a lot that you're too sensitive and such, but you're really reacting in an expected way because it's expected to cry out if you're hurt. I feel like someone who says "you're too sensitive" is only trying to be hurtful, because they should be more mindful of how that may affect you.

As far as calling it abusive, it's completely up to you how you label or describe your experiences, but it may be helpful to imagine it in a different way. Let's say I'm living in a house with some housemates, and they tell me to stop fighting back, that I'm too sensitive, and to learn to be quiet. They constantly say degrading things to me and violate my boundaries, and they justify it because we're friends. I'm always the scapegoat and when we have meetings they all vote for things I don't agree on. Is this abusive? The answer may be clearer to you. Ultimately, it isn't right. Whether or not you want to call it abusive is completely up to you.

I hope that you can reach a place soon where you could maybe limit some contact with them so they can not only potentially realize the gravity of their actions but you can improve your mental health. I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw emotional abuse #luci

[saraa-lancee]

ngl it's funny that you're willing to demonise all autistic people just to make sure a label is only applied to hyperspecific situations. being autistic is not an excuse to be weird towards women or cross boundaries - can it help explain it? yes. but autistic incels exist and implying they don't and normalising that sort of behaviour as an autistic trait 1) is ableist, and implies that autistic people have no control over their own behaviour, and 2) invalidates victims and survivors of sexual violence at the hands of men who happen to be autistic. its also dangerous.

just saying. mentality like that meant that, as an autistic teenager, I allowed close friends to take advantage of me because the line was blurred and it was much easier to rationalise and excuse. and it's scary to me to see that culture normalised because it stems from the patriarchal definition and understanding of autism. autistic people know right from wrong and do not hurt people by default.

I'm not attacking you, but rather hoping to just offer an alternative perspective. I hope you are having a nice day.

Lmao hello Anon.

I'm going to provide an "alternate" for you-- I didn't demonize autistic people. I am an autistic person who has struggled with understanding boundaries in the past. I am defending autistic people by pointing out that Weird and Incel are Aboslutely Not The Same, which, if you y'know, read, is the entire point of the whole fucking post! But please, tell me you enjoy conflating Wierd Characters with violent rapists. I'm here all day-- I can't wait to read this.

I also, literally in that post, pretty much said exactly what you said. No where did I say all autistic people intentionally hurt people. In fact, I believe I even stated that when Autistic people *do cross* boundaries, it's not always intentionally. But let's also not pretend that autistic people never hurt others. I'm sorry that happened to you anon, I really am. Lots of autistic people also have stories like that, and it's disgusting people are so ready to take advantage of us. I'm also sorry that you think I don't know this perspective already as an autistic Afab person-- nice assumption about me and my life. But I think you're the one who might need the new perspective here if you don't seem to realize that yeah, autistic people absolutely can be the perpetrators in a blurred line situation. Unfortunately, lots and lots of people also have stories were the were hurt *by* an autistic person. "Hurt" as in physically or psychologically (not just sexually), because as a 5 foot nothing woman having a tall man (autistic or not) forcefully grab you in public or start screaming at you can be fucking terrifying.

Autistic people aren't just victims, anon. Acting like we can only be victims is kinda like... infantilizing or something. Sorry, but in an uncertain consent situation, an autistic person can also Assault someone because they didn't understand enthusiastic consent (ie, don't understand the nuances of YES! Vs Well, okay... or how consent can become questionable in situations where substances are involved). This all assumes innocence as well-- believe it or not, some autistic people are like, bad people (they also still deserve to be viewed like full adults but also viewed fairly rather than ostracizated unfairly).

My bad, im just rambling. Once again, reading comprehension. You're just intentionally ignoring my origional point, which is that you absolutely cannot just call a character who you deem weird an Incel. Which is the entire fucking point of the post but once again, fantastic selective reading Choice. When I said we shouldn't view Weird Character as a violent proponent of Rape and violence against women, I was 100% definitely demonizing Autistic people. (I remember literally saying "this doesn't apply just to autistic people" with the specific stipulation that he is autistic coded to me, but being autistic isn't the only factor here, proving that you literally chose not to read/to assign language I didn't use and a viewpoint I don't have to me. As an autistic person, this is black and white, and that's *not what I fucking said*. Try again anon).

Again. The entire point was defending "weirdos". Since, y'know. Most Weirdos (affectionately, as a weirdo myself) are demonized (being labeled as an Incel is definitely a demonization, btw. Which again. Was the POINT OF THE FUCKIN POST).

Idk why I'm writing this, you people will read whatever you want from it and not what I'm actually saying, so whatever. Autistic people are unfairly victimized by society-- including this whole Incel business. You were victimized, and I am sincerely sorry for that. But if we view autistic people as, y'know, dynamic people, we have to accept it goes both ways and come to the understanding that all this isn't even about all that. It's about refusing to assign extreme malcontent to someone based on Wierd.

Anyway, long live the weirdos demonized in popular culture. Long live everyone who's been shunned and judged for "acting wierd" and long live everyone who's exclusion erased their chance for a "normal" "adjusted" life.

Have a good day, *anon*.

#the way everyone is missing the point #incels are VIOLENT #he was never VIOLENT #yet OP conflated his behavoir as obvious violence #this is not okay i dont care. #try actually reading and understanding the Main Point. #we learned this in English class did you finish middle school can you identify the Main Point #soren rants

[tipytap]

People will be so fast to talk shit about fanfiction when in many ways for some people it can be better than physical books like

1. i can put names to faces and voices which helps me focus better. i can also just hear how characters will say lines

2. Established characters. i can expect certain mannerisms and behaviors based on prior knowledge of the characters, as well as know a bit about how they could react in certain situations.

3. its easier to find what you like. regular books need a tag system. like seriously. i dont want just the short vague blurb on the back. i need to know if theres romance, if its violent, if it has certain situations/characters, etc. im picky and tags help so much.

4. i hate page numbers. its easier for me to enjoy a story if i can’t quantify exactly how much is left. it makes it less of a task on my adhd brain. 300 pages? thats so long!! but 180,000 words? hell yeah i can read that in three days even though its the equivilant of like 500 pages.

5. ao3 actually tends to be more reader friendly. the paragraph breaks help so much with keeping track of where i am and not skipping entire lines. but for physical books, publishers need to keep a lower page count so they dont have to print as much, so they keep page breaks to a minimum, making them more dense and harder to read.

6. convinience. yeah i get e-books exist but just being able to pick up a phone and look up a story and start reading within minutes is so nice. you dont get the “whatchya reading?” or like any of that, and its so much less cumbersome

so im sorry if my response to “been reading lately?” is “yeah i read this cool fic on ao3-“

yes there are spelling errors. yes its “not original”. but people have the creativity to create entire worlds just based on thinking “wouldnt it be fun if this character was in this situation?” and post it for people to enjoy for free. i read fanfics and honestly i am really enjoying myself over here.

#fanfics #fanfic readers #reading #ao3

[aus-from-undertale]

Finished Aus

Kinda rare since most got dropped or they are on hiatus lol

Echotale- a Frans AU where Gaster!Sans and an older Frisk have to fix the underground that got REALLY messed up. The ending is a little bittersweet but I love it so much aa

Caretaker of the ruins- When the protagonist is someone you are rooting to lose, the ending is something to look up for. And oh boy, it was worth it💕

Inktale- it's the backstory of Ink, one of the most famous Sans. Idk if it's fair to put it on this list, but yeah.

Dreamtale- the backstory of Dream and Nightmare :) kinda sad tho ngl :(

UT mob- did I already said this is one of my fav aus? No? WELL THIS IS SO GOOD. I love this type of stories. So I'm so sad it ended, but it's hella cute 💕💕💕

Aftertale- This AU happens after Sans kills frisk and when they reset, he is transported to the Game menu, finding mah boi Geno!Sans. I LOVE THE ENDING aaaa

Playbacktale- Papyrus wants to help his flowery friend get a soul. But Flowey is greedy and fucked up real hard. It's more of a backstory than a completed au but I like that is finished.

Dogs of future past- After a post pacifist route, Frisk, Flowey and a part of an amalgamation wants to save someone who was left behind. The story is cute and the ending is nice. READ IT

Underline- it's an incredible collection of headcanons to the game of Undertale. It's finished and it's honestly so good :D

Sans the Seraphim- after Sans remembered a genocide route, they instantly went to the ruins and killed Frisk after they got out. He took the souls and freed the underground but he changed deeply. It's actually such an interesting AU! The ending was kinda bittersweet but I had so much fun!

Paper Trail- It's a Deltarune AU made before chapter 2 came out. The story is nice, the characters are well written and I really liked the ending, but for some reason, a bunch of people didn't like it :/ well whatever, it's a nice read so you should go for it :)

Underbrushed- a mix between Tangled and Undertale. It's a cute and weird AU with a nice ending :D

Predatortale- In this horror AU, Frisk falls to an underground where everyone is hungry as hell. So no matter where they go, they go running for their life. Its short but its got an ending. So yeah, nice 👍

Drunk!Chara- Chara is regretful, Chara is in love, Chara is drunk. Prepare yourself to wholesome and sometimes bittersweet AU. I felt the ending kinda rushed a bit, but I liked the final scene 👉👈

Bromalgamate- Papyrus got hurt, and Sans in desperation, used DT on him and became an amalgamate with his brother. The backstory is finished so yeah, have fun :)

Darker yet darker- It's kinda of a backstory to how Sand and Papyrus where born and fuck u gaster :/. The ending is really nice tho 💕

Wondertale- it's a mix between Undertale and Alice in wonderland :) I admit I wasn't really expecting much because the writing it's not THAT good, but I actually ended enjoying it more than I expected.

Tidetale- After 100 pacifist routes, Sans was really tired, so to cheer his brother up, Papyrus creates a new mechanical brother to Sans :D

Paper Crane- the backstory of mah boy Paper Crane. It's so goodijtdjhdtuxkhctuuulhfkh💕💕

Chance!tale- it's a AU about Ace and their tragic Au :)

Flowey is not a good life coach- flowey breaking mentally and physically his best friend out of boredom? Daaaaamn :0

Storyswap color- an AU that got another take on storyshift + underswap

Don't have to hide- just short and sweet comic for your reading pleasure :)

Heavenfell - frisk ends up on an edgy underground and decides that these violent monsters are worth saving

Handplate - A take about the creation of Sans and Papyrus and how they came to be. Also gaster is a bitch >:0

Alive- BANGER of an au. DELICIOUS. INCREDIBLE. IM ALIVE IM ALIVE IM ALIVE MY SOIL ROARS FOR THIS!!

#aus from undertale #undertale aus #repost #undertale #undertale au #ut au #ut aus #finished aus #list #lists #unrelated

[limelocked]

Philza is a good father yall are just too knowledgeable to see it

Flashy title out of the way, hello, it’s me Lime again so let’s get into this shit.

Phil (the character) is a good dad, or at least good Enough. Let’s go thru some history why don’t we?  Phil cannot join the DreamSMP server, this is the start. I could start even further back and go on about how the Antarctic Empire and Newfoundland had a good relationship (sans the first dragon egg war) but the most relevant start is that Philza could not physically stop Wilbur from doing anything until the very last moment when he forced his way onto the server and he Still Failed to talk his son down. Phil killed Wilbur and this may be my own personal theory but Phils character had at Best only heard about Schlatts death from chat, Phil could not have known that Wilbur was on his last life or that respawning wasnt “normal” like on other servers. Not to mention that he very much Didnt Want to do it and had to go soul searching off camera to properly mourn (the case i have for him being on the anger stage of grief is for another post however)

I will very briefly touch on techno and him being phils favourite: Phil got mad at Wilbur for doing evil bullshit because Wilbur isnt That Evil, even in his 100 player videos hes not That Bad. Phil DOESNT get mad at techno doing mass murder because 1, they share violent tendencies. 2, its whats expected of techno to do. 3, phil KNOWS about technos voices (chat) and how blood thirsty they are

“Now” you tell me “you’ve gone thru all the brothers but the important one” and i say yes of course i forgot tubbo

No okay lets talk about Exile Arc Tommy because he’s the only reason I’m making this post

Philza is a good father YALL ARE JUST METAGAMIN HIM INTO BEIN A BAD ONE!  Metagaming is a term in roleplay that basically means that you are using knowledge of the meta (things outside of the RP) inside the RP and metagaming is generally seen as a dick move where im from

How does this connect to Phil thou asketh me, the oracle.

Well because Phil doesnt know that Dream is manipulatin his son and his dumbfuck son refuses to tell him about it. Like your parents always say; parents cant read minds and neither can phil. Phil trusts his sons to come to him if they need something and if theres something tommy isnt doing right now its telling others that hes having trouble

Most of the time i see people calling phil a bad dad now its because hes not helping tommy but phil does not know that dream is manipulating him in canon, even if phils chat was made canon like technos it still doesnt matter because chat is notoriously liars and just goes “TALK TO MY STREAMER” at any given notice

“But he never visits!“ you retort, uselessly. And i say yeah! do YOU want your dad hanging out in your room all the time? specially when youre 16? NO YOU DONT. Phil gives his kids space and they can come to him to ask if they should hang out when they want to and feel comfortable to. For all phil knows tommy is hanging out in logsted with ghostbur and dream, not lonely at all, and all is gucci

Stop using your out of game knowledge to judge characters in the game

thamk you

#mcyt #dreamsmp #philza #sleepy boys inc

[diaphragmjellyfish]

You Just Wait

gif is from @twilightofficial​

A/N: The hardest part of writing a fic is honestly choosing the love interest XD I have so many fictional boyfriends it’s hard to choose just one. I have noticed a significant lack of Jared Cameron content and he’s super adorable so here it is! Also, I left the concept a little bit more vague so more people can relate to it. It doesn’t specifically say vaginismus, it’s more of a general “sex doesn’t normally go well for me” type thing. 

Bottomless, covered in chocolate sauce, walking through the woods, phone dead, in the middle of August on a weekday. How did you end up here? Jared Cameron. Your boyfriend. He had roped you in to an elaborate prank on Paul that hadn’t exactly gone as planned. Needless to say, you were desperate for a shower and a nap. A hot meal wouldn’t hurt. And you were beyond irritated, not even looking Jared’s way as he walked next to you in a similar state. 

“Babe, if you let me carry you, we’ll get home way faster,” he whined.

You didn’t respond, only walking with more frustration around the roots and fallen trees. It was growing dark, just about twilight, and you knew you wouldn’t be reaching either of your houses at this rate. You were miles into the forest. But your pride kept you from accepting Jared’s wolfy-back ride, because he tended to make lots of jokes about being between your legs and you riding him and blah blah blah, and you honestly might punch him right now if he did that. 

So you just kept ignoring him, arms folded tightly against your chest because, yes, it was August, but this was also the Washington coast. It got pretty chilly no matter what time of year it was. 

“I can see you shivering from here,” he pleaded, almost sounding in pain at the thought of you being uncomfortable. “It’s only gonna get colder. Let me help you.”

You ignored him. 

“C’mooonnnnnn,” he cried. His preferred way of cracking your silence was usually by annoying you out of it, and it was working. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’m-”

“Jared, I swear to God!” 

“Aha! She speaks!” he laughed. 

“”Only to tell you to be quiet, or I’ll-”

“Or you’ll what?” he cut you off. “I’m way stronger than you!” He was teasing you into talking to him. Even if it was in the form of arguing. Damn, he always got you to crack. You stopped walking, turning to face him, arms still held tightly around yourself. You couldn’t resist a good bicker, and Jared knew that. He would get the sass to come out, and then once you got tired, he’d apologize and you’d be made up within half an hour. That’s what always happened. And you couldn’t exactly stay mad at those big brown puppy eyes for long. 

“Physically, maybe,” you chided, “but I’m definitely way smarter than you.”

He stepped closer to you, a playful smirk on his face. “What, are you gonna read me to death or something?”

“I’m gonna strategize a huge plan, manipulate you, and leave you here in the forest by yourself. That’s what I’m gonna do,” you sassed. He never took arguments to heart, which is one thing you loved about him. He knew how grumpy you could get and would let you vent, and then make you forget all about the problem. 

“Oh, okay, yeah sure,” he giggled, hands going up in defense. “I’m just saying that in this situation, there is no way you come out on top. You run, I catch you. You hide, I sniff you out,” he teased. This made you crack an almost imperceptible smile, but one he noticed nonetheless. “And if you did somehow manage to get away from me, you’d freeze to death in an hour flat.” The cold breeze that caused you to shiver more violently could not have had worse timing. Obviously, Jared noticed, and his face dropped. He approached you slowly, silently asking if you were still mad enough to not let him touch you. When you didn’t step back or stop him, he wrapped both his arms around you and brought you into a huge bear hug. You sighed at his warmth, wrapping your arms tightly around his torso. He’d given you his hoodie hours ago, and was left in only a pair of shorts, though he didn’t seem to notice. Damn him and his werewolf heat. 

You still shivered in his arms, but his feverish temperature was a relief to your aching bones. 

“See? Could’ve been warm hours ago,” he teased once again, noting your clinginess. 

“Shut up. I’m still mad,” you mumbled into his neck. He laughed softly to himself, rubbing his hands up and down your body to create more heat. After a few minutes, you were starting to struggle to keep your eyes open. It had to be close to 2 in the morning, and you’d been walking for what felt like hours. Jared could have easily run home and let you brood alone, but he stuck with you no matter how long you went without speaking to him. 

“Sleepy?” he murmured into your hair. You just nodded softly, and didn’t protest as he bent down, one hand going behind your knees and the other staying around your back. He picked you up with ease and started walking through the woods once more with an “Okay Princess, I got you.” His stride never faltered, easily avoiding tripping over roots or slipping on rain-soaked moss. He must have been walking for about 30 minutes, never so much as breathing hard or shifting you in his grip. You didn’t sleep, but welcomed the rest he allowed you. Your eyes were closed, head resting on his shoulder when you felt him stop. You looked up, and in the distance, maybe 50 yards away, you saw a small building. 

“Hunter’s cabin, I’m guessing. No one’s home,” Jared stated, anticipating your questions. 

“Think there’ll be blankets?” you wondered, tired, yet still playful. 

“What, am I not enough for you?” he feigned mock hurt as you giggled at his unshakeable good attitude. Without another word, he began walking towards the small cabin, which was about the size of an average bedroom. When you reached the door, he set you down gently, holding his hands close to your waist while you found your footing, and then wrapping an arm over your shoulders to keep you warm. 

“I’m assuming it’s locked,” you sighed, disappointed. 

“Babe, no door is locked when you have super strength. Honestly, I thought you’d have more faith in me by now,” he smiled brightly. 

“You can’t just go around kicking random people’s doors in!” you scolded. 

“Okay, first of all, I can tell by the smell that no one’s been here in years. Second of all, how would anyone know it was us that broke in and not, like, a deer? And third of all, I’d say this counts as an emergency,” he sassed right back at you. You looked at him in annoyance, too tired and cold to actually care. 

After a long sigh, you muttered “fine.” 

He immediately turned to the door, not letting you so much as inhale before he slammed his foot into the space next to the knob, the door all but flying off its hinges. The whole scene caused deafening noise that interrupted the silence of the trees. 

“Jesus!” you called out in surprise, a hand shooting up to your pounding heart. You look around, though knowing no one was around for miles. Jared only turned to look at you, a cheeky smile adorning his face, and said,

“See? Told ya.” 

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help the loving and admiring energy that overcame you. Jared really was one in a million, and you were lucky to be by his side. He could be in the worst situation in the world and still find something to laugh about. 

He motioned for you to go in first, ever the gentleman. Walking through the door, the first thing you noticed was the dust. The entire inside of the cabin was covered in a thick layer of it. There was a small, rickety couch with cushions so worn they had holes in them throughout. And the fabric… my God. It looked like something from the 60’s, an obnoxious floral that had faded over time, and now just looked flat out stained. There was a flimsy throw blanket over the back of the couch, a cooler in the corner of the room that was covered in dirt, and on the opposite wall, a fireplace! No wood, no matches, but it was there. The floor was scattered with bullet shells, receipts, and decayed leaves. It was obvious no one had been in here for at least 3 or 4 years. 

“Okay, I can work with this,” Jared said. You really were jealous of his optimism. But, as disgusting as this place was, it beat the frigid breeze of outside, and had a place where you could rest your heads. You walked over to the couch, grabbing the blanket and beating the dust off of it. It was really only meant for one person, but you guys were okay with getting close. It would do. 

Jared walked over to the opposite corner where the cooler sat by the fireplace and opened the lid, peeking inside. 

“Just water,” he said, sounding almost disappointed. 

“Were you really gonna eat whatever was in there?” you spoke incredulously. 

“Babe, I’m starving. You have no idea how close I am to licking that chocolate sauce off of you,” he voiced. You had almost forgotten about the sticky sauce that covered both of your clothes. That prank really was a disaster. You looked down, face heating at the thought of Jared’s mouth on you like that, and turned to the fireplace where he stood. He was looking on the mantle, oblivious to the effect his comment had on you, and exclaimed “Aha!” before reaching up to grab something. “A lighter. We’re saved! Well, you are,” he laughed looking over at your shivering form once more. “Stay here and get comfy. I’m gonna go get some wood.” 

You tried your best, sitting on the edge of the couch and immediately feeling a spring poking you in the butt. The couch really was tiny. You guys were gonna have to bundle up close to fit. The thought excited you. Sure, you and Jared had always been comfortable touching and holding each other, but there were certain areas of your relationship you had yet to explore. More… intimate areas. It was your fault mostly. To make a long story short, you’ve just never enjoyed sex. You found yourself not able to get aroused, which made things painful. Sure, you wanted to. You’d thought about it a ton. But in the moment, your head was so full of thoughts of ‘What if he thinks I’m ugly? What if I smell? Am I doing this right? Is he having a good time? Am I taking too long?’ that you just stopped trying. And obviously you wanted to have sex with Jared, but you were worried he’d be disappointed. By the time he got back, just a few minutes later, you had brought your knees up to your chest, holding your legs close in an effort to preserve warmth. 

“Doing okay Sweetheart?” he asked gently. You gave a small smile and nodded in response. He plopped the logs in his arms down into the fireplace, scavenging the floor for receipts, dried leaves, anything that would catch fire. He dumped these into the fireplace and lit them, the fire catching within seconds. He walked over to the other side of the room where the couch was before bending down, grabbing the bottom lip of it, and pulling it (and you) across the floor, one-handed, and closer to the fire. “Better?” You had always been in awe of his strength. Let’s be honest, it was just plain sexy. Again, you just nodded your head, staring at him in adoration. 

He sat beside you on the couch, throwing an arm over your shoulders again, and leaning back, taking you with him. You cuddled into his side, watching the fire. 

“Ya know, if you take away the shitty couch and sticky clothes and add a few more blankets, this would actually be pretty nice,” he finally spoke. 

You laughed softly, replying, “It would. The couch isn’t even awful, but these clothes are really ruining the mood for me.” 

“Well why don’t you get out of ‘em, hot stuff?” he joked. You knew he wasn’t serious because you guys haven’t gotten that far yet, but something, maybe the exhaustion or the way he kept challenging you today, made you want to actually do it. Before you could lose your nerve, you reached down, pulling off the hoodie and shirt in one go and tossing them onto the floor. You relaxed back into his arms in just a bra, acting like nothing had happened. He was frozen beside you. Maybe it was mean, but you wanted to tease him a little. He’d put you through a lot today, so you wanted to mess with him a tiny bit. So, coolly, you brought a hand onto his thigh and began running it up and down, going higher and higher with each pass. He was still frozen, so you gave a light squeeze, and heard him inhale sharply, though he tried to hide it. 

“I thought you were tired,” he commented.

“Guess I’m not anymore,” you responded, turning to face him boldly. He immediately leaned in to kiss you, softly as always. You reciprocated, bringing your other hand up to cup his face. His arm that was around your shoulders slipped down around your waist, pulling you in further. Jared had always been gentle when kissing you, so you knew you’d have to make the first move to deepen it. Which is exactly what you did. Running your hand up his head and grabbing his hair, you pulled him towards you even more and traced your tongue across his bottom lip. He responded by matching your energy, tongue slipping out to caress yours before bringing your bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling softly. You guys had never kissed like this before. You felt a bead of warmth pool in your abdomen, something you’d never felt with a guy before. Sure, you’d been turned on while watching certain videos or reading certain fanfiction by yourself, but you’d never actually experienced it with someone before. It was exciting. Maybe it was the knowledge that you could stop things at any time and he wouldn’t be upset, or maybe it was how in love with you he really was, but you didn’t feel nervous or worried. You felt comfortable. 

Taking things a step further, you swung your leg over both of his, moving to straddle his lap. 

He pulled away slightly at this, making you ask, “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong,” he responded, “I just don’t wanna make you do anything you don’t wanna do.”

You smiled, “I’m not doing anything I don’t wanna do. Are you?” 

“Are you seriously asking me that question right now?” He laughed, making you giggle along. 

You leaned back in for another kiss, when he stopped you again. “What exactly… are we doing, though?” You knew what he was silently asking. Are we about to go all the way? And you didn’t know yet. This had started out as playful teasing, but now you were beginning to think that maybe you did want to try something. With Jared. He was it for you, the one you wanted to spend forever with. If you couldn’t trust him, you couldn’t trust anyone. And he’d taken such good care of you these last few hours, keeping you warm, making sure you were storming off in the right direction, that you knew he’d appreciate you in a more intimate sense. 

“I- I kind of would like to try… some stuff,” you answered. 

He looked at you, eyes wide, before answering, “What kind of stuff? I mean, I will do literally anything you ask me to do and you know that, but I didn’t really prepare for this. Like, I don’t… have what we need.” Oh, a condom. What a responsible boy. 

“I’m on the pill,” you replied a little too quickly before looking down and fiddling with your hands. “If you want to.” 

“Y/N, I would be absolutely fucking honored,” he breathed, before cupping your face and pulling you into the most heated kiss yet. Your tongues danced, hands wandering. Yours, across his muscled chest and abdomen, and his, down your waist and around to cup your pantsless ass, squeezing firmly. It felt nice. He handled you in a way that was gentle and painless, but still dominant and firm. And it made the heat in your belly grow. You continued kissing for several minutes, your hands moving up his neck and eventually landing in his hair once more, and his remaining on your ass and waist. You softly sucked at his lower lip, nibbling slightly, and it made him let out a low growl and pull your hips forward onto his, where you felt something hard push against you. You knew what it was, and it didn’t scare you like it normally would. You did, however, feel your damp underwear. Shit, that’s never happened before. You were normally bone dry at this point. You let out a soft sigh, grinding your hips onto him once more. 

He softened his kisses slightly, bringing a hand around to your stomach and running his knuckles lightly across your lower abdomen. 

“Can I?” He questioned delicately. 

“Yes,” you replied almost immediately. He brought his hand under the waistband of your underwear, when you said, “Wait,” and he stopped. “Just one thing. I kind of… have never been able to do this without it hurting a lot, so maybe you could just try to be gentle?” 

“Oh, baby, you’ve been in pain before? I’m so sorry,” he whispered genuinely. 

“It’s okay, I just…” It was now or never. He should know. “Normally I’m super nervous about everything, so I can’t really… get into it, and when girls aren’t into it it’s kind of… dry? And that makes it kind of hurt really bad.” You faded out at the end, feeling embarrassed. He brought his hand out of your underwear and up to your chin, tilting your face up to look him in the eye, looking concerned. “But I’m into this, I mean, right now. I’m excited. I just thought I should warn you,” you awkwardly laughed at the end. 

“You promise? Because you know that if you want to stop we will, and I would never be upset or pressure or anything like that,” he spoke sweetly, making your heart flutter. And you did know that, which is why you felt comfortable. Every other time, you felt that if you went past a certain point, you couldn’t say stop. Couldn’t call it off without making whatever guy you were with super mad and then… who knows what would happen. But when Jared spoke those words, you believed him. 

“I promise. And I know you’ll stop. But I don’t want you to.” 

With this, he scanned your face one more time for any signs of hesitation, and when he found none, brought you down into another heated kiss. You felt his hand trail from your chin down to your breasts, skimming over your bra, down your stomach and once again to the waistband of your underwear. Only this time he didn’t go under. He stayed on top of the fabric and brought his hand down between your legs, index finger brushing lightly against your core. You barely felt it, and began to worry that you’d once again feel numb. Oftentimes, when guys would touch you or go down on you, you felt nothing. It was like you were broken or something. And you started to become concerned that tonight would be no different. 

But he brought his finger down again, repeating the same movement, only with significantly more pressure this time, and it had you release an involuntary sigh. And instead of removing his finger like he had the first time, he kept it over your clit, drawing firm circles. 

Your mouth dropped open in a silent moan, Jared staring intently at your face. 

“Oh, wow,” you finally breathed. 

“Good?” he asked cockily, wearing a large smirk. He repeated the movement again, drawing a line from your core to your clit, stopping to rub circles. 

“Mmm hmm,” you sighed. He leaned in once more to meet you with the sloppiest, dirtiest kiss you two had shared yet, and it only made you grind your center into his hand. He repeated the action several times over, and you were a writhing mess in minutes. 

He brought a finger under your waistband once more, stretching the elastic out before letting it snap lightly against your skin. “Let’s take these off, hmm?” You’d never stood up so fast in your life, practically ripping the panties off of you, taking your bra off with it. Jared stood up to remove his shorts, but stopped to stare. 

“What?” you questioned shyly, moving to cover up.

“You’re literally the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” 

The boy quite literally had heart eyes for you. 

“Oh,” you responded meekly, cheeks heating up. When you kept looking back at him, he seemed to snap back into the moment and hurriedly ripped off his shorts and underwear, sitting back on the couch and opening his arms for you. You moved to straddle his hips the same way as before, and he brought his arms around to embrace you as you shared another heated kiss. One of his hands moved up to cup your breast, thumb rolling over your nipple as if you were made of glass. Jared pulled his mouth off of yours and trailed his lips down the side of your face, to your jaw, and down onto your neck, suckling lightly and leaving wet kisses. You tilted your head to the side to give him better access, and brought one of your hands down between you two to grasp him. He shuddered, only grabbing your hips and bringing you impossibly closer. His other hand trailed down to your center once more, going straight to your core and gathering the slight wetness there before bringing his finger up to your clit and circling. With your underwear out of the way, you felt almost lightheaded at his touch. You never knew how girls could cum during sex before, because you never seemed to feel much at all unless it was pain, but with how aroused you were right now and Jared’s movements, you thought for the first time that you may actually be able to finish. People do say that 90% of sex is mental, and you guessed this is what they meant. The more into it you are, the more physical sensation you actually feel. Groundbreaking. 

“Can I finger you?” he murmured huskily into your neck. 

You tensed slightly at this, but trusted him. If you said stop, he would. “Ok, just go slow.”

“Of course,” he responded before placing a sweet kiss on your shoulder and bringing his index finger back to your core, swirling around the entrance a few times. You took a few deep breaths to relax your muscles, and he looked at you, wordlessly asking, Ready? You nodded, and he slipped his finger in, just to the first knuckle, and held it still while he brought his thumb to your clit and continued rubbing. When he noticed you visibly relax, he slipped his finger in further to the second knuckle, stopping for a few seconds, and then all the way. He kept it here again, giving you time to adjust or tell him to stop, all the while keeping you stimulated with his thumb. It felt really good. Well, you didn’t exactly feel his finger at all, which was better than pain, and his thumb was making you crazy. Your breathing was labored at this point, eyebrows furrowed as you held onto his shoulders, nails digging in and sure to leave scratches. He pressed the finger inside of you onto your front wall suddenly, massaging the ridges firmly, and you let out a moan. Your first real moan ever. And damn did it get Jared excited. He continued this motion again and again, building in intensity and pressure slowly. When he felt how wet you had become, he pulled his finger back out to the first knuckle, and added his middle finger next to it, sliding them both back in slowly so as not to hurt you. Your eyes widened at the stretch, but it didn’t hurt. It felt amazing. 

“Oh, fuck,” you whispered to yourself, before moaning once more as his fingers began the ‘come-hither’ motion once more. 

“Am I hurting you?” he asked, concerned at your cursing. 

“No, feels so good,” you moaned, and he smiled at this, increasing the pressure even more. Your eyes screwed shut, hips stuttering over his hand, letting him finger fuck you for several more minutes as you began to feel a tightening in your stomach. He brought his thumb off of your clit finally, adjusting his hand for a better angle and bringing his other hand off of your waist and up to his mouth, licking his thumb and bringing that down to your clit, resuming the tight circles. You could hear how wet you were, feeling too good to be embarrassed. The heat in your stomach was building, spreading. You felt your legs begin to shake, muscles begin to tighten around his fingers, and your eyes screwed shut as you opened your mouth in a silent scream and came. The waves of pleasure washed over you for a long time, Jared slowing his movements down so as not to overstimulate you. When you finally opened your eyes again, you were panting, legs feeling like Jello. Jared was staring at you with a look of absolute awe on his face, mouth agape and dick rock hard, red, and leaking precum. He was more turned on than he had ever been from actual sex before, and it was only from watching you. 

“Fuck, baby that was so hot,” he all but moaned. 

You reached down to grasp him, panting a “your turn.” 

He grabbed both your wrists, stopping you. “Nuh uh, this is about you. Lie the fuck down.”

You gasped, his dominant tone turning you on despite your recent climax. You both knew that if you were even slightly uncomfortable, things would stop immediately. But it was fun for both of you to let him be a little aggressive. You did as told, lying long ways across the couch cushions, Jared moving to kneel between your legs, moving your knees softly apart so he could look at all of you. You didn’t feel insecure being exposed like this. You felt excited. 

“Are you absolutely sure you wanna do this?” he questioned. 

“I have never been more sure, Jared baby, I want to,” you pleaded. This was enough for him, so he brought his dick down to line up with your entrance, rubbing the tip up and down a few times to collect your wetness. He was worried that there wouldn’t be enough lubricant, so he brought a hand up to his mouth and spit, rubbing the saliva on his cock. 

“You just wait ‘til we get some real lube and a real fucking bed, Princess. You won’t be able to walk for days.” You shuddered at the thought of this, and of the sensation of his dick rubbing around your clit and back down to your entrance. He pushed in slightly, letting the tip in before pausing and checking your face for any signs of pain. When he found none, he pushed in slightly more, and more. He was being extremely slow, and you appreciated it. Guys normally would just shove themselves inside, not giving you any time to adjust before pounding away. But Jared was careful, despite how turned on you knew he was. He still had your best interest in mind. Within a couple of minutes, he was fully seated inside of you, staying still until you told him to move. He brought his face down to give you a sweet kiss, waiting for you to give him the signal. 

After a few seconds, you didn’t feel any sort of stinging or pain, so you nodded, saying “Just start slow.” 

“Of course,” he replied genuinely. He pulled his hips back just a few inches, before slowly grinding them back into yours. You closed your eyes, focusing on keeping your muscles loose and relaxed as he continues this movement a few more times. The next time he pushed in, he ground his hips further into yours, hitting the deepest parts of you. This had you release a gasp, eyes opening to meet his. “Okay?” he questioned. 

“Yes.” 

He did this several more times, letting you get used to the feeling of him being so deep inside of you, before your hips began to grind back into his. It felt really good. When he noticed this, he began pulling his hips back more, pushing back in slightly faster, and this had you moaning. You threw your head back, back arched, just enjoying the sensations. Your hands were grasping at his shoulders, definitely leaving scratch marks. 

“Oh my God,” you whispered. 

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he responded, planting sloppy kisses to your neck and collar bone. “Baby, I’m not gonna last much longer.” 

You smiled at this, glad he was enjoying it as much as you were. “Go ahead, cum for me,” you spoke, and your words had him right on the edge. He pulled out of you quickly, hand fisting his cock as he stared at your sweaty, writhing body below him. He came hard, spilling onto your stomach as he growled out, the sound making your toes curl, almost animalistic. You both remained in this position as you came down, breaths labored and eyes barely open. He stood up fully off of the couch and reached for the flimsy blanket on the floor, using it to wipe off your stomach. He threw it into the corner of the room and lay down next to you on the couch, gathering you up into his arms to cuddle. 

“Did you have a good time?” he asked almost nervously after a few minutes. 

“Nah, kinda sucked,” you teased, and he let out a playful laugh, lightly shoving you away before pulling you back and planting a kiss on your temple. 

A pause. “For real though,” he prodded, beginning to panic slightly. 

You burst out laughing. “Of course I had a good time, Jared. Best i’ve ever had, if I’m being honest.” 

“Ok good,” he sighed, relieved but trying not to show that you actually had him nervous for a second. 

Another pause. “Did… did you have a good time?” you questioned back at him. 

He seemed almost offended at the question, bringing a hand up to cup your face so that your eyes met his. “Y/N, this was the best night of my entire life. That was perfect. You are perfect. And I’m glad you trusted me enough to do that with you.” 

You felt your eyes sting slightly, emotions running wild. You considered yourself the luckiest girl in the world to be with Jared Cameron. Not only was he totally gorgeous, but kind, hilarious, and great in bed. 

In an effort to switch the tone back to a more playful one, you replied, “Yeah, well I was promised some more fun involving real lube and a real bed so…” 

He tugged you further into him, wrapping his arms around you in a way that made you think he might never let go. He laughed, and said “Oh, you just wait.” 

#jared cameron x reader #jared cameron #twilight #wolf pack #paul lahote #sam uley #jacob black #embry call #seth clearwater #quil ateara #edward cullen #twilight smut #vaginismus

[starlight-loki]

The Thin Line Between Life and Death (Loki x Mystic!Reader) -- PART 1

Or, That Time You and Loki Saved the World

Request: is it alright if you do a loki x reader fic where reader's got powers like strange and wields one of the infinity stones and almost dies trying to save everyone? -- requested by anon

Warnings: this is darker than other fics i've written so far: descriptions of nausea, mentions of anxiety, and major character deaths (but not Loki, I promise).

Word Count: 4.8k (hooo weeee man, if I didn't split this into 2 parts it would've been like... over 10k omg)

A/N: For context, please read this headcanon first if you'd like to know a bit more about the reader and Loki's relationship as well as to sort of set the scene for this fic -- otherwise, if you're cool with jumping right in, enjoy! This was so much fun to write :)

Also this doesn't follow the events of Infinity War/Endgame at all; this is sort of... my take on it, I guess you could say?

Everything started going downhill when you began getting visions.

They weren't anything concerning at first, in fact they were almost cryptic, really: manifesting themselves in your dreams in subtle -- almost metaphoric -- ways. First it was simply the colour orange, which then progressed to flashes of amber light at random occasions during the events of your dreams, then it became fire. For a while, fire consumed your dreams nearly every night, burning through cities, forests, and even planets.

The Ancient One had told you from the start that dreams carried messages from your subconscious. They weren't something to be dismissed, even the most simplest elements. They were to be respected, listened to, and were meant to encourage you to shift mentally and emotionally in indescribable ways.

You figured the fire was symbolic for the stress and worry you were feeling, with everything moving so quickly over the last few days.

After all, the threat of Thanos was looming more and more. No longer was he a whispered rumour that was occasionally passed around at dinnertime with the rest of the Avengers. He was an actual threat now, and the Avengers were holding meetings twice a day to try and develop a plan of attack.

He had the power stone. It was only a matter of time before he found the others.

Twenty-four hours before everything changed, a vision came to you differently than all the others.

You were in the kitchen preparing lunch for yourself when your ears began ringing. Whispers filled your mind from the inside and spoke to you in a language you didn't understand, yet chilled you to the bone at the same time. There was a blinding flash of light that nearly paralyzed you, and as you strained to focus your eyes, you noticed a small orange stone materialize in front of you.

The soul stone.

It glided closer and closer to you, and as it did so the whispers grew louder. The lives of thousands flashed before your eyes. Their deaths did, as well. It was showing you the cycle of humanity -- birth, life, death, repeat -- almost taunting you that this seemingly inevitable thing could be controlled.

You gasped, dropped the plate in your hands accidentally. It fell to the floor with an earsplitting crash, and as quickly as the soul stone arrived, it disappeared in a swirl of orange smoke.

Your hands were shaking as you knelt down to collect the bigger pieces of the now-shattered plate. A hand on your back made you flinch in surprise and you instinctively curled closer towards the kitchen cabinets in an attempt to protect yourself.

"It's just me." Loki's soft voice seemed foggy and distant as your brain continued to adjust from the voices and the ringing you had just heard. "Are you hurt?"

You shook your head and sunk to the floor, half in defeat and half in relief that you weren't alone anymore. These visions were growing far too intense for you to handle.

You looked up at Loki, who exchanged an anxious expression with you. His green eyes searched your face, seemingly looking for an explanation of what had just happened to you.

"I saw something," you whispered, absentmindedly gripping the plate shard in your hand tighter. "Loki, I think I saw the soul stone."

His eyes widened as he knelt down beside you and gently pried the glass out of your grip, setting it down out of your reach. He replaced the broken piece in your hand with his own, and you sighed shakily as his thumb gently stroked the top of your hand.

"Did it show you anything?" He asked quietly, and you nodded quickly in response.

"I saw life, death... everything." You felt far removed from you own voice, almost like it didn't belong to you. "It's been happening in dreams too, but I've never seen the stone itself before."

You gazed at Loki, who almost seemed to disappear into his own thoughts at your mention of the visions you saw. You knew all too well about the Tesseract, and the way it had tormented Loki once before. The infinity stones were not gentle to humans, or gods for that matter.

"Do you think this has something to do with Thanos?" You asked, your voice trembling as you whispered. "Do you think maybe he managed to get the soul stone?"

Loki shook his head slowly, but it wasn't without hesitation.

"The soul stone is far away on Vormir. It's guarded heavily. I doubt-"

"Hey, you two okay?"

You glanced up quickly just as Tony stepped into the room. His eyes swept over the mess of a broken plate on the floor before landing on you and Loki, huddled together in the corner of the kitchen as if your lives depended on it.

Tony looked as exhausted as you felt. No one had really slept well in the last few days, but you couldn't imagine what it was like for Tony: he had been staying up until ungodly hours of the morning with Steve, Vision, and Rhodey, trying to formulate a plan of attack.

"Yeah," you shook your head as you tried to clear the last of the visions out of your mind. "Sorry, that was an accident. I'm just... really tired."

Tony gave a perfectly-timed yawn as he knelt down and began to pick up the broken pieces of the plate you dropped.

"I feel ya, kid."

You watched as him and Loki exchanged resigned nods of acknowledgement, and you grabbed Loki's hand before he could step forward to help Tony clean up the mess.

Should I tell him? You asked telepathically. About the soul stone?

Loki gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head.

Not yet. His voice echoed through your mind like the whispers from the soul stone moments ago, bringing you warmth rather than fear. Until we fully understand why these visions are occurring, I believe it would be best to not burden Stark with any more details. It would only cause more problems.

You nodded in agreement as you pushed yourself up onto your feet shakily. You stepped forward to help Tony clean up the mess, only feel your head spin violently. You lurched forward, grabbing onto the counter as you tried to stop yourself from falling.

"Hey, whoa!" Tony sprang up and grabbed your shoulders just as you felt Loki's arms wrap around your waist in an effort to keep you standing. "Easy there, kid. Jesus, are you okay?"

"I feel sick." You mumbled, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to keep the room from spinning. Even with two people supporting your weight, you still felt as though you were going to fall over.

"Go sleep, okay?" Tony told you sternly. You made a sound of protest and tried to help him continue cleaning up. Tony shook his head in response.

"Don't worry about this, we'll clean it up." His gaze shifted over to Loki, who still held you tightly. You could feel his hands trembling ever-so-slightly, and you placed your own hand over his weakly as you attempted to silently reassure him that you'd be okay.

"Loki, make sure Y/N gets some rest."

"I will."

Loki scooped you up into his arms in one fluid motion, causing you to wince as spots danced in your vision. You buried your head against his shoulder, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to hold yourself together.

Has this ever happened to you? You manage to ask Loki telepathically as he set you carefully down on your bed. He brushed a stray strand of hair out of your face before crawling into bed beside you.

Not to this degree, he replied. You couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped your lips as he gently pulled you close, cradling the back of your head. The infinity stones all have variable levels of energy, but I have never dealt with the soul stone before.

Do you mean their frequencies vary depending on their roles?

Precisely.

You sighed defeatedly, troubled by the fact that -- out of all the infinity stones -- the one that boasted power over life and death itself just had to come find you.

You knew mystics seemed to have some sort of connection to the stones, seeing as Stephen knew the time stone and guarded it with his life. You had hoped, though, that if another stone were to find its way somehow to another mystic, it would be Wong, not you.

Loki nudged your chin up ever so slightly with his fingertips, encouraging you to look up at him. He gave you a warm, gentle smile as he caressed your cheek slowly.

"Rest now," he whispered, placing a kiss on your forehead softly. "I will stay with you, I promise."

You nodded halfheartedly in response. Every cell in your being longed for nothing more but rest, yet at the same time you were afraid to close your eyes in case the soul stone was still lurking somewhere in your mind. Waiting for you.

It felt as though you had only just closed your eyes, when the sound of thunder jolted you out of your sleep. You felt weightless as you opened your eyes slowly, taking in the purple hues of clouds above you. As you felt yourself float higher, you realized with a sickening sinking feeling that your body was still in your bed, far away from where you currently were.

Your spirit had separated from your physical body, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't seem to be able to get back.

You glanced upward as you continued your ascent just as two towering structures came into view at the top of a cliff. The whispers that had filled your mind earlier that day resumed, and you cried out in fear, clutching your head in your hands. It only made them grow stronger.

As flashes of orange began filling your vision, your blood ran cold as you realized where you were.

Somehow, your spirit had found its way to Vormir.

Reaching the top of the cliff, you stepped carefully onto the platform just as a hooded figure glided towards you.

Never before has this stone ever summoned a soul into its presence. A chill ran up your spine as the guardian's voice echoed in your mind, crackling like ice.

Many have sought this stone, but it belongs to no one.

"So why did it bring me here?" You demanded, curling your arms around your middle in an attempt control your nerves. You were vulnerable here. You were powerless without your physical body -- incantations and even the mirror realm would be of no use to you in this state.

The soul stone seems to have taken a certain interest in you. It sees potential... for what is yet to come.

"I don't understand." Your own voice seemed to wrap around you in an endless echo. You instinctively took a step back as your head spun from sensory overload.

You walk the line between the living and the dead, mystic.

"But I'm not the only mystic. There's more out there like me, surely they experienced the same thing? I mean, there's Stephen-"

No. Your breath caught in your throat as the hooded figure raised its head to gaze at you, and your eyes met fiery blood red irises. You turned your gaze to the ground in an attempt to divert your fear and calm your racing heart.

Stephen Strange is already in possession of the time stone, the guardian explained slowly. There are no other mystics who possess the strength -- or courage -- to cross over into the land of the dead.

"But I'm not dead." You protested, ignoring the small voice in the back of your mind that drew your attention back to the fact that you were currently a spirit on another planet, far away from your body. "I... I've been training in the mystic arts for a few years now. Never in my life has anything like this happened. Why now am I suddenly getting visions?"

There is another who seeks the soul stone as we speak, the guardian replied. To your relief, it kept its distance from you. He yearns to own it.

"Thanos," you whispered, feeling a cold chill run up your spine as you spoke his name.

Yes, mystic, the guardian nodded solemnly. However, there are elements of the soul stone that the Titan has not tried to understand. Just like how life and death are two sides of the same coin, so too does the soul stone have another aspect.

You gasped as the soul stone materialized in front of you, hovering level with your line of sight just like when you were in the kitchen back at the Compound. You watched as it began to spin, gradually growing faster and faster, until it split neatly into two halves.

The soul stone embodies both the physical and the spiritual, and thus each aspect is acquired through complete mastery of its respective lesson.

The guardian's words echoed in your mind as you gazed at the fragments of the soul stone curiously. The fear you had felt in connection with your earlier visions was gone now. In its place, all you felt was awe.

As one of the pieces of the soul stone began gliding closer to you, you reached out your hand in an attempt to touch it. It looked so warm, so inviting. You longed to know what it would feel like to hold a piece of ancient power in your hands.

No.

You flinched, glancing at the guarding whose voice boomed in your head. As if to reinforce his words, the shards of the soul stone vanished into thin air.

"What do you mean, 'no'?" You asked quietly. "You said there's a connection between myself and the soul stone, I don't understand."

You must earn it. It does not come willingly to anyone.

"Then I don't want it." You shook your head, taking a step back. "I don't know why any of this is happening, but I want it to stop. I want to go home."

Very well.

The guardian raised his hand, and you felt yourself being pulled backwards slowly, back the way you came.

I offer you a piece of advice, mystic, the voice in your mind echoed out louder than ever. In order to gain the physical shard of the stone, you must lose the one you love. To gain the spirit shard, you must know the path that leads you back to them.

There was a sharp tug around your middle, and you felt your heart freeze in your chest as you began plummeting down the cliff. You squeezed your eyes shut as the wind echoed like a jet plane in your ears.

Remember this, the guardian's voice was distant now. You had to strain to register the words in your mind. The spirit shard cannot be found on Vormir. The fate of the physical shard is being decided as we speak. Use this knowledge wisely, mystic.

An image flashed in your mind of a titan ascending the mountain, towards the top of the cliff upon which your spirit had just stood. You caught a glint of purple, blue, and red flash from his hand.

You gasped, bolting upright as the heavy sensation that accompanied falling back into your body ran through you. You were trembling, drenched in a cold sweat, and you yelped as two hands planted themselves firmly on your shoulders.

"Relax!" Your heart sped up in your chest as you tried to fight off whoever was holding onto you. "Y/N, relax, it's me!"

Loki came into focus in front of you, his eyes never straying from yours as you tried to catch your breath. His hands were steady, but you caught a flash of fear in his eyes as he gazed at you.

"What happened?" He whispered, pulling you into a protective and firm embrace. Your breath caught in your throat as your mind wandered back to the visions that flashed behind your eyes moments before you woke up.

"Thanos." Your voice felt far away, almost foreign to you, as you replied softly. Your trembling hands reached up to pull Loki even closer to you. You were afraid you'd lose control and end up separated from your body again. You didn't want to be alone once more.

"What?"

"Thanos." You repeated again, glancing out the window into the now-darkened sky to make sure you were no longer on Vormir. You couldn't trust yourself. "Loki, I saw him. He's got more stones. He found the Tesseract."

Loki pushed you away, only to wrap his hands firmly around your arms. The fear he had hidden so well moments ago was dancing like fire in his eyes.

"That's impossible," he said slowly, and you weren't sure if those words were for you, or if they were an attempt to convince himself. "You hid the Tesseract yourself, you took it from me and-"

"I know what I did." You snapped. You winced as Loki recoiled away from you ever-so-slightly. "I'm sorry. I'm just... Look, you have to believe me Loki. Please. I was on Vormir, or at least my spirit was. The guardian of the soul stone was there, it spoke to me, I-"

"I believe you." Loki's soft whisper stopped the rambling thoughts that were pouring out of your mouth, and you nearly cried in relief at his words. His expression softened as he took in your torn, distressed expression, and he kissed your forehead softly.

"I believe you." He repeated again, pulling you close.

"We don't have much time." Your voice felt tight in your throat as you spoke. "Right before I woke up, I saw Thanos approaching Vormir. The rest of the stones are on Earth, Loki. I think he's coming here next."

"We need to tell the others."

"Will they know what to do?"

Loki's gaze burned into yours determinedly as he took your hand and helped you up off your bed.

"All we can do is hope."

The two of you raced down the hall, pounding on every door you passed as you tried to wake everyone up at once. Tired groans of protest echoed from within a few rooms, only encouraging you to knock even louder on the Avengers' doors.

"Everyone up!" You exclaimed. You couldn't ignore the way your voice and hands trembled as you made your way down the hall. "Emergency meeting, now!"

The Compound slowly came to life once more as you and Loki reached the end of the hall, and the two of you were met with numerous confused and somewhat alarmed looks.

"What's going on?" Steve asked, effortlessly keeping up with your strides as you made your way to the meeting room.

"Y/N had a vision." Loki explained, taking your hand and giving it a small squeeze in an attempt to comfort you. "Thanos is coming."

"What!?" Bruce's shocked exclamation echoed out from behind you as he jogged to keep up. "We were monitoring his whereabouts, just a few hours ago he was still light years away from Earth looking for the other five infinity stones-"

"Yeah, well, he's managed to get two more," You answered as you sat yourself down in a chair in the meeting room. Loki sat close beside you, resting his knee against yours in a silent gesture, as if to communicate he was right by your side through all of this.

"He's on Vormir as we speak," you continued as everyone took their seats around the table. "He's looking for the soul stone. That's infinity stone number four. He'll be coming for us next."

"How do you know that?" Natasha's question sounded out from the other side of the room.

"There's six stones in total, right?"

Your question earned slow nods from the Avengers sitting around you.

"I saw his glove. He's got the power stone -- as we know -- as well as the reality stone, and now the space stone too."

"The Tesseract was destroyed along with Asgard." Thor remarked, frowning as he took in your words. You looked over at Loki quickly, the two of you exchanging anxious glances, before you looked back at Thor and shook your head.

"The Tesseract was... misplaced." You answered slowly.

Everyone flinched as Thor banged his fist against the table, his gaze immediately shifting away from you as realization burned in his eyes.

"Loki!"

"I assure you brother-"

"I knew it was a bad idea bringing Rock of Ages here onto the team." Tony interrupted pointing an accusatory finger at Loki. Several other Avengers nodded in agreement.

"It wasn't his fault!" You exclaimed loudly. The room felt silent as everyone frowned at you in confusion. "It was mine. I should've destroyed it but I didn't. I just opened a portal and... threw it in."

"Do you know where it went?" Steve asked you.

"At the time, I didn't. I had no idea Thanos was out there looking for the stones at the same time. I just wanted that thing far away from us. It's caused enough trouble, and we didn't need any more."

Loki squeezed your hand and gave you a soft smile as he heard your reply.

"There are two stones left," you continued, glancing around the room worriedly as you thought about the threat of Thanos looming over your team like a dark shadow. "Stephen is guarding the time stone downtown. Assuming he's kept his guard up as usual, he'll be one step ahead of Thanos and he'll already be taking precautions to keep it out of his reach."

You paused, glancing nervously over at Vision. His eyes met yours in understanding, and he gave the slightest nod in acknowledgement.

"The other stone," you continued quietly. "Is right here in this room with us."

A strange humming sound caused a hushed silence to fall over the Compound. You frowned, straining your ears as you tried to listen.

"Does anyone else hear that-"

Tony's question was cut off by an explosion that took out the entire side wall of the Compound. The force of the blast knocked you to the ground, and your ears rang violently as you tried to orient yourself once more with your surroundings.

"This is too easy. Everyone in one room together, how... pathetic."

You glanced up to see Thanos looming over everyone, an already victorious grin on his face as he examined the aftermath of the blast he had caused.

"I would've thought you'd make it more difficult for me."

The stones on Thanos' gauntlet began to glow, and you felt an arm yank you backwards and into their grasp before a ray of purple light blasted throughout the room. You glanced behind you to find Loki, his jaw clenched as he stared in fear towards Thanos, before casting a protective spell over the two of you.

You tried to pull away, to gather up the other members of the team and bring them to safety, but Loki's grip was firm and unrelenting.

"They need help!" You exclaimed in protest. "Everyone's vulnerable, all our defense and weapons are two floors down-"

"You go over there, and you'll get killed." Loki muttered through gritted teeth. "I can't lose you. Stay here."

"But-"

"Stay here!"

Loki trembled as he tried to keep his shield up. Pressing yourself closer to him, you cast the strongest protective spell you knew and placed it overtop of his. Green and gold magic intertwined together, forming a tightly-knit dome over the two of you.

"I think I can get Bruce," you whispered, nodding towards the corner of the room. "He's not very far-"

Your idea was suddenly interrupted as Thanos raised his gauntlet, and the soul stone began to glow.

You watched in horror as every member of your team outside of your protective dome was wrapped in an orange aura, and lifted off the ground.

"No!" You yelled, stumbling forward and pushing your protective spell further outwards in an attempt to save those closest to you. A spark of energy backfired, burning your hands and causing you to stumbled back with a cry of pain.

"I can't get to them," you gasped, glancing at Loki in horror. "I can't get past the soul stone."

Thanos heard your words, and he shifted his gaze in your direction with narrowed eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" You demanded, watching as Steve and Tony, among others, struggled to be released from the titan's invisible grasp.

"Those who play hero only bring more war," Thanos stated, glancing behind your shoulder at Loki and smiling coldly. "I'm putting an end to this child's play, once and for all."

"Let them go!" You yelled, reaching forward in a weak attempt to save your teammates. Your gesture only earned a piteous laugh from the titan.

"You're choosing to play a bold game, mystic." Thanos continued. "By keeping that shield of yours up, you're creating more pain. All you are doing is delaying your death."

"It'll give us more time to plot yours." Loki retorted from behind you with gritted teeth.

"Bold as ever, Asgardian." Thanos smirked. "But not strong enough. Neither of you are."

You glanced desperately over at Tony for any sort of help, but all you exchanged were helpless glances.

"There will be no more heroes," Thanos boomed, raising his gauntlet triumphantly. The soul stone began to glow once more. "No more martyrs. No more humans. Only gods."

"I believe in you, kid." Tony gasped out. "You can do this."

"I can't." You cried out, your heart racing as you glanced between your teammates and Thanos. "I don't know how."

You managed to catch a determined nod from Tony, before a loud snap reverberated through the room, knocking you and Loki backwards.

There was a gust of cold air as Thanos opened a portal with the space stone, smirking victoriously down at the two of you.

"We'll meet again, mystic."

Thanos pulled a now-unconscious Vision towards him with his gauntlet and disappeared, the portal closing as soon as it opened. You lowered your shield to run for your teammates, who were still hovering unconscious in mid-air, only to be stopped by Loki.

"Look."

You watched in horror as, one by one, each member of the Avengers dissolved into ash and vanished before your eyes. Crying out in disbelief, you lowered your protection spell and raced forward before Loki could protest.

"Tony!"

You tried to reach for his hand, to pull him out of the orange aura that held him captive. As soon as your fingers brushed his, he turned to ash immediately.

You sunk to your knees, the sudden silence that fell over the Compound feeling like a graveyard. You heard Loki run towards Thor, calling his name over and over again, before he too fell silent.

You caught his gaze from across the room, and a cold chill shook your insides as his eyes mirrored the same terror you felt inside yourself.

Unable to find the strength to stand, you crawled over to where he sat and buried your face in his shoulder. As soon as Loki's arms wrapped around you, you were unable to stop the sobs that wracked your body. You felt him trembling and realized that he, too, was crying.

"They're all gone." You whispered, your voice distorted through your tears. "Everyone's gone."

Loki didn't reply. Instead, he pulled you closer and ran his hands in small circles upon your back, almost as if he were memorizing the feel of you in his arms.

The sound of your cries echoed out through the Compound and reverberated back towards the two of you, piercing your skin like little knives. You squeezed shut your eyes, hoping that this was all a bad dream and -- when you opened your eyes again -- the Avengers would be right back in this room with you and Loki, ready to formulate a plan of attack.

When you opened your eyes, however, nothing changed.

There was only one infinity stone left.

Everyone was gone, leaving only you and Loki.

Thanos had won.

END OF PART ONE.

Taglist: @startrekkingaroundasgard @delightfulheartdream @justasmisunderstoodasloki @marvels-mischief @k8obr @pastyoverlord265 @lowkeytesss @levylovegood

Taglist for this fic only: @littleredstarfish @treblebeth @taylordani03

#loki x reader #loki x mystic!reader #loki x gender neutral reader #loki imagine #loki laufeyson #mcu loki #the avengers #infinity war #endgame #loki laufeyson imagine #loki x reader headcanon #loki hc #loki headcanon #loki x reader imagine

[bellamyblakru]

omg ok so idk how many im allowed to ask for the otp ask game thingy BUT if this is too many just do the ones you really want:D (SORRY I GOT EXCITED)

merthur & 2, 6, 7, 13, 24, 29, 30

oh my god roya i went ham on these. i apologize in advance 💀i got so excited too siskksksksks thank you so much for this holy shit, it was literally so much fun

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

omg i think it depends on who got the drama arc that day ajclajfefkafn i would say normally merlin is 100% the big spoon LOL he just has that “need to comfort and protect” vibe, you feel?

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

oooo so interesting, like physical features? id wanna say merlin loves arthur’s hands the most. like he can just sit for hours watching arthur signing documents and writing speeches and all that shit, plus arthur is definitely a hands on man (since he was touched starved to the max) so merlin always craves those little moments where arthur’s hand lingers on his own, or on his neck, or on his chest. the first thing to come to my mind for arthur is that he absolutely adores merlin’s hair. like when he forgets to cut it short and it gets a bit longer and more curly, the wildness just fits merlin so nicely. his hair in the morning is just so messy and perfect and the way the light hits it makes merlin feel more ethereal--its in those moments, right before merlin wakes up, where arthur just stares at this magical king and wonders what god he should thank for giving him someone so lovely.

7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

OH GOD. dude, the first thing that changes for merlin is what he thinks about as he helps arthur dress for the day. now, he notices the subtle way arthur leans into his touch, the way arthur smiles softly when merlin fixes his collar, the way his own hands tremble, ever-so slightly, as he smooths out arthur’s shirt. ARTHUR. man, the first thing that changes for arthur when he realized he has feelings for merlin is EVERYTHING. my mans tries to not change a fucking thing about the routine or day--but he tries way too fucking hard and its painfully noticeable that something is happening in his mind. merlin notices it, of course, but thinks arthur is stressed about something kingly. you know who tells him to fucking stop? LANCELOT. that man walks up to arthur, drags his ass aside, and gently, but not weakly, says “you suck at this” and helps him understand that merlin is already head over heels for him wjsjjsksksks

13. Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

arthur. 100%. touch is his thingggg™️. merlin has probably ached to hold arthur’s hand for years, but arthur does it first. i imagine two different scenarios: one, its fucking chaos out. there is some bad guy or some shit they are fighting, the knights are scattered, they are bloodied, bruised, and tired, but merlin hasn’t left his side for even a moment. the warlock’s back is still straight, his chin is still high, the defiance burning so brightly in those eyes that arthur cant help but reach over and grab the man’s hand to try to gain some of his resilience and passion and strength. two, it could be the laziest fucking day of the year. the knights of the roundtable are laughing and eating in arthur’s chambers, lance and gwen are making doe-eyes at one another, gwaine and percy are stealin little glances, and arthur is just so fucking content. like he looks around to smiles, and laughing, and happiness, and he turns his head to see merlin staring at him in concern. and he cant help it, man, he just reaches over and squeezes his hand. merlin’s eyes widen, but a soft smile grows there. arthur just doesn’t let go though, so merlin leans over and puts his head on arthur’s shoulder being completely beautifully content together.

24. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

BRUH THIS SCREAMS MERLIN. I'M LAUGHING SO MUCH FKHNNSKNR. dudee. imagine it?? they are seated at a Very Important Dinner™️ with some Very Important People™️ and arthur is just about to make a toast and BAM-merlin whispers something outrageously fucking dirty. ARTHUR SPLUTTERS AND TURNS SO FUCKING RED ASDFGHHJK. merlin just smiles (his most regal smile) and turns away to talk to Very Important Someone™️ and arthur has to wait a few more minutes to compose himself and vows to get back at merlin later (he never does because merlin always beats him to it). OR LIKE DURING AUDIENCES? like this fucking farmer is complaining that he thinks his neighbor stole his chicken named Clucky and merlin just walks up to arthur and Says Something™️ that makes arthur cough...violently...and merlin turns around, solves the farmer’s problem, and goes back to his spot like nothing happened. arthur stares at him for much longer than he is suppose to before leon steps in and taps arthur’s shoulder to continue LOLLL

29. one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

oh lord,,, where to start? im not sure if this is a common headcanon or not, but that merlin actually could have saved arthur. he is the most powerful warlock to ever fucking exist, and he couldn’t save him? i call bullshit. i think he had the power to, and i think deep down he realizes that when its too late (like arthur’s eyes fluttering shut too late) and thats what breaks him. what haunts him for literal centuries. the simple fact that he could have saved him. i think he didn’t know enough about his magic yet, or that he refused to acknowledge that kind of power simmering under his skin, or that he just didn’t believe enough in himself because of how many times shit had hit the fan when merlin did magic near arthur. so..yeah…yikes

30. one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

LOL im full of angsty headcanons so hmmm. during arthur’s reign, they used to stay up late at night in arthur’s chambers. it didn’t matter what they did: whether it was arthur teaching merlin how to play chess as merlin complained the entire time that strategy at midnight was a cruel and unnecessary punishment, or arthur helped merlin clean his chambers as merlin hummed an old song his mother used to sing to him before bed, or just the two of them sitting in front of the fireplace with two glasses of wine talking about everything and nothing all at once. but once the quiet hits, its never, ever, uncomfortable. they can sit in silence for hours and never be bored or scared to break it. they just sit there, side by side, leaning on one another like they do in everything in life.

thank you again😭💖💖 akakakakak i might have gotten too excited?😂

otp ask game

#ashley answers #IM SO SORRY ITS SO MUCH #I FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT THEM #merthur #merlin #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merlin headcanons #otp ask game #arthur pendragon #should this been ashley rambles too LOLL #long post #there are probably typos #skskskskks