#you can find within yourself

[restless-rissa]

Charlotte Freeman, Everything You'll Ever Need

#charlotte freeman #everything you'll ever need #you can find within yourself #you can #books #books & libraries #quotes #healing #written word #late night thoughts #spilled ink

[druidonity2]

You

#world of warcraft #anduin wrynn #the war within #In the tags of one of my previous anduin pieces I talked about that feeling of looking at old pictures of yourself #and wondering where they went #what happened to them #the pain of wanting their joy and happiness back #is that child still alive within you? can you revive them? #Or are they dead #tbh I feel like a large part of maintaining happiness as an adult is finding ways to indulge the child within you #at some point it is no longer your parents job to care for that child but yours.

[lvstharmony]

​beyond grateful for the people that are surrounding me in my life, just as i am grateful for the people i’ve parted ways with, for without them, i would not be the person i am today.

#i have left so many people throughout my life #and #if someone would ask me if i’d regret any choice i’ve made i would say no #i regret hurting people yet i wouldn’t change a thing if i could #without the suffering the sacrifices and the lessons i would not be the person i am today that i can finally say i’m proud of #whenever i read the question “would you want to be your friend if you’d meet yourself?” deep down my answer was no #i was a good friend and i always tried my best to be there for everyone #but i was so blinded and overwhelmed by my pain that i tried so hard not to project on others that it was exactly the thing i’ve done #i was extremely caring sensitive loving and selfless but my ”bad“ traits were just as extreme #my emotions were so overwhelming that they were scattered all over the place that it didn’t allow me to have any control over them #i used to be so terrified of being alone. all i’ve felt was a great loneliness that was residing within me #until i’ve gathered the strength to leave an entire friendgroup with people that meant the world for me #they weren’t good for me anymore just as i wasn’t for them #since that day i’ve grown a lot i became a better and healthier version of myself #i learned how to be alone and to find the peace in it and in myself #all i’ve had was Allah swt. and He is all i will ever need. #without the hardships in terms of friendship i wouldn’t have been able to learn how to be alone and love and enjoy it #without it i could not say that i could easily give up the people in my life #i could if i had to bc i have Allah swt. #but i’ve learned how to choose and to choose the right people #i don’t need you and never will but i choose you bc i want you in my life and i think that makes it so much more special #i can finally say that i love the person i am today and can’t wait to see myself grow even more as the cycle of growing is never ending #I still have so much to learn and I will let it come to me with open arms #an open mind and an open heart #above all the most precious gift i’ve earned is to learn how to have tawakkul. #everything that happens every trial that is afflicted upon us has meaning #and it’s beautiful. #being able to pick out the khair in everything is the biggest blessing #alhamdulillah for the things that bruised my soul alhamdulillah for the things that mended it #alhamdulillah for everything bc truly; Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.

[sol-insidious]

“Din Djarin’s identity as a Mandalorian will always be central to his character, and his devotion to his orthodox religion, warrior’s creed, and its chivalrous code of honor is a truly noble one.”

and

“Din Djarin’s devotion to his creed has fundamentally isolated him from love, his role as The Tribe’s breadwinner was as unsustainable as it gave him purpose, and the fierceness of his faith stems from unprocessed trauma and the guilt he feels as an orphan and a foundling. His views on what it means to be a Mandalorian were narrow until he met others who didn’t conform to his own creed, and in this, his status as an voluntary oathbreaker is equally as integral to his character.”

…are both takes that co-exist in my mind.

#Star Wars #the mandalorian #din djarin #character analysis #sol rambles #obligatory this is not meant to be a hot take and nobody has to agree with me on this #2nd obligatory I can interpret this character however I want to within reasonable limits #and as a person from a religious background who now identifies as agnostic #I find this more than reasonable #I honestly love entertaining the idea of Din renouncing his orthodoxy as much as I loved his redemption #Din’s relationship with his faith in S2 was so realistically messy #and it resonated with me greatly #the “is it truly faith if people just get to pick and choose what to adhere to and what to disregard?” #“wtf does that make me?” #people do turn to religion after deep personal loss #and it can be a beautiful thing as much as it can be dangerous #faith can consume you to the point where you can no longer recognize yourself without it #and I saw Din being well on that path if Grogu hadn’t come along #transcending religious identities is such a juicy motif in Star Wars #all starting with Luke declaring he’s a Jedi like his father before him #while also fiercely defying both his masters by refusing to sacrifice Han and Leia in order to complete his training #the training Yoda dictated for him #literally the embodiment of The Old Order #and what’s that saying? #none will be free until the old ways are gone forever #oh my god I am rambling #THANK YOU FOR LISTENING #Sol out

[bylertruther]

do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?

that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.

maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.

like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.

he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.

of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.

so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.

of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.

just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.

#will byers #byler #mine #long post #will #anyway. this is how i always interpreted the i hate WHO i am line especially in conjunction with the word ''mistake'' + being different #within the context of EVERYTHING that's happened to will and continues to happen to him and how unique it is to him in this narrative #bc rly. if you were will.... wouldn't you feel like a mistake? even outside of that outside of the supernatural i'm speaking to my #friends that have ''Something Wrong'' with them. when something happens to you and you're not the same after and you're surrounded #by people who are able to move on and be normal—don't you ever have those moments where you feel like a mistake? when you're #growing up and still interested in your same old interests but your friends start moving on and then you see that they went back to #those interests in your absence—don't you feel like you were the problem then? when people are able to be brave and you can't #find it within yourself to overcome your fear—don't you hate that feeling? don't you feel that negativity towards yourself when you #know that you SHOULD do something but you can't bring yourself to and it works against yourself? like. everything that has happened #to will E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!! can easily make anyone no matter what part of him you relate to the most understand that #u kno wht i mean? anyway. i jus wanted to bring this up bc his life is a fucking tragedy even without the gay stuff n his current pov on th #and the way that That conversation always centers on fear and bravery it's like. obviously being gay is not easy in that era but i don't #think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further #as well as with how he does want mike to know and his alan turing poster and his talk with jonathan etc etc #his conflict has always centered around how other people treat him and his issue with that bc that's what makes him feel bad #that just because he's different that doesn't mean that he's Different and must be treated as such #he's different and has people that make him feel BETTER for it like look at s2 for example all of those talks abt using what he perceives #as a weakness abt himself as a strength that no one else can bring to the table. and in s3 when he still believed in being a nerd #and never getting girlfriends etc but when it came from mike thts when he called himself stupid n started down this path bc now #there's that sprinkle of doubt. n tht doubt is the scariest thing in the world—understandably so #also. he literally has an evil monster in his brain like bdkfjhsbkdjhfbskj IT'S JUST A LOT. #he is different for many reasons and has even more reasons to hate Who he is the kind of person that he is #jus my take 😁👍

[crescentfool]

beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙

#lizzy speaks #the human brain works in such profound ways i think #lately i've been thinking about that post that was like 'you will always be your oldest friend take care of yourself' #it's definitely a sentiment i agree with and i appreciate how it emphasizes the importance of extending compassion to yourself #you wouldn't say such hurtful things to your friends right? (or at least i'd hope so) #so why would you say it to yourself? #you are your own friend too. and i think everyone has a beautiful soul within themselves. nurture it! water it! feed it good thoughts. #basically i wish everyone a 'i hope that your brain is not your own enemy but rather a friend that you can find comfort in' #things will work themselves out with time. there's beauty in life and you will find small delights to cherish!! i am manifesting it for u!! #and for those who find it difficult to transition from a self-critical mindset to one that's more compassionate and nonjudgmental #i truly think that with time you will be able to rewire your brain to be kinder to yourself. i'm proud of you for taking any first steps :) #there are times in which it feels counterintuitive to go against habits that feel hard-wired... but brains are very malleable littel guys- #with such a wonderful capacity for changing and learning new things. so i hope everyone can learn to be their own best friend! #not to undermine the importance of a support network ofc. that's good too and im all for that!! but i hope everyone remembers to be kind- #not only to others but also to themselves!! you're going to do great out there!! i love you all!! #ive just been thinking about this a lot... i needed to get it out there. you all shine so brightly!!! we shall be fine!!! have a good week! #sorry if this is out of nowhere but if there's anything about me you should know it's that i'm the 'hey dont cry 8 billion people on earth- #ok?' post. idk i just find great joy in knowing others are out there thriving and finding a daily delight yknow i love humanity!!

[crewfu]

Tina being SUGR?'s #1 fan

vod timestamps:

They start talking about Steve at around 50 minutes

Tina recommends Oh Death and they listen at 51:56

They listen to Cover of Me at 01:08:10 until 01:11:50

They play it again 1:52:36 and they talk about him up until 01:58:06

#steven suptic #tinakitten #foolish gamers #wait until tina finds out steve plans to release 2 more songs within the next few weeks #tina is me #added the vod timestamps to this post too so you can watch the whole thing yourself #and like tina said STREAM COVER OF ME ON SPOTIFY OR YT OR WHEREVER ELSE AVAILABLE

[agueforts]

hey did you know being disabled affects your ability to do things. fucked up if true

#SOME PRIMAL YEARNING DEEP WITHIN THE HOLLOWS OF MY CHEST. FOR A MATH CLASS #aspen tag #i miss doing things! #i miss learning! i miss activity! i miss being able to keep up with my interests or have hobbies or even just eat three meals a day! #i miss feeling like i had control over any part of my life! #i'm tired of being tired! it's all been the same for so long and i don't know if there's a way out! #i wouldn't know how to break out of it either way but it'd be nice to know that maybe i could! #everyone expects me to have all the answers #and all i can give is that if i knew how to help myself i wouldn't fucking be here in the first place! #coughs and composes myself. sorry. there was physics in the fic i was reading #and i briefly remembered what it was like to just. fully invest yourself in something. and how fun it is #the feeling is. um. somewhat of a rarity nowaday #gestures. avolition when i muster the energy to get you. anhedonia when i find it in myself to care #deep sigh. and so it goes 👍

[n1ntendh0]

...

#its tiring having someone in your life who you have to constantly validate and assure that you want them in your life #like i can only ask you to stop constantly talking down about yourself so many times before im worn out #i can only tell you *yes i love you please believe me* before i start to run out of ways to prove it to you #like god im sorry you live in such a headspace i know it is a miserable existence #but you cant make yourself feel better through other people #you have to learn how to find that validation from within #personal

[icewindandboringhorror]

Literally cannot comprehend that some people just... go places.. I know someone who just got back from a 2 week vacation and then the day they came home they went out to eat at a restaurant (at a busy time mind you, like 7pm on a saturday night!!) and then went to a mall to shop and then woke up early for brunch the next day and were at a bar in the afternoon and so on and so on and it’s like... god don’t you get tired of being places? If I go grocery shopping for 20 minutes on monday and then have a doctor appointment on tuesday, I am SO tired of leaving the house that I want to do nothing for the next two weeks lol...  Doing multiple major tasks/trips in one day and ENJOYING it and SEEEKING IT OUT is utterly inconceivable to me..  we are different creatures entirely lol

#not even regarding how irresponsible it is to be constantly doing stuff during the pandemic and etc. etc. like EVEN before the pandemic #I felt this way exactly the same. I just do not understand the human compulsion to be Doing Things (tm). And it's not that I don't enjoy #SOME things #like very hyperspecific things in controlled environments scheduled 10 days ahead of time and intricately planned lmao #but like there is some stuff I enjoy so it's not like I just hate everything but it's just... ghghhhhhhhhhh #like what are you running away from something? is it unberable for you to be alone with yourself so you have to be like #constanly up and out and finding new sensory shit to throw yourself into or like??? #I am legitimately not exaggerating comepltely 100% fine not leaving my house for months at a time (aside from going on walks to get excercis #e just around the block/still within the neightbohood and occasional necessary grocery trips to stock up on food obviiously) #I simply do not posess the impulse to go out to restaurants or bars or go to clubs and dance or go to parties or concerts #OR even travel like...?? idk I guess it's not terrible but in the past when I have traveled I've found that the only things #I could name that I enjoyed about the experience were like.. I like being on hotels because you get free breakfast sometimes and they have #TV and air conditioning and better beds than I do at home. I like people watching from my room windows. I like being in airports because #of the way they;re designed and I like to pearch somewhere and watch people and watch clouds and planes taking off. #I enjoy being on airplanes because the windows feel cold and you can look at clouds and sometimes have gingerale. #but I dont enjoy the traveling or going places itself. I'd rather be at home working on my hyper-specific interest hobbies lol #legit not joking at al if I won tickets to like an all expenses paid super luxury tropical getaway I would sell them and use the money to #buy craft supplies. I would get 10000x more personal fulfilment and joy being able to work on a new project or having the money to pay off #bills or buy better groceries or get an apartment with a better bathroom or something like that than I would having the one time #experience of like wow I looked at a cool beach and some sunsets and ate at restaurants a lot #And maybe the thing is like. I don't value experiences? I value resource security and pratical progress at things #and not in a like workaholic capitalist way but just in a like.. I value more what's going to make me happy in the LONG run than temporary #expeirences that are somehow supposed to mean something to me in the moment (yet I usually derive no pleasure or meaning from at all) #Like I would rather use money to invest in my niche hobbies or crafts or personal improvement or getting a more comfortable #bed or better shoes for my foot pain or etc. etc. than I would spending the money to go out to a resuarant or travel or etc. #ALSO again like.. in addition to it simply not seeming worth it because my brain rarely is able to conceptualize the value of those sorts of #experiences.. it's also just SO tiring to do things! Even a grocery store trip can be overwhelming with sensory stuff and social things #and etc. etc. and I just realize like.. all the things people have told me are Fun are not Fun for me. I grew up and realized you actually #have no obligation to do things. I found out you can spend your birthday at home alone eating a waffle and playing your favorite video game #and I have never went anywhere or done an activity on my bday since lmao.. 'Doing Things' is just hard for me to grasp still really lol

[uncanny-tranny]

Hi. this might be long so feel free to delete but i would like some advice/help. so i am trans i have known i am trans for years and years. since i was a toddler. i came out first when i was a preteen and i sort of fluctuated between identifying as 'just' binary male and various nombinary genders for a while until settling on binary male a couple years ago. but lately ive been wondering whether im trans het or a nonbinary butch lesbian. i am only attracted to women and im only comfortable with masculine terms he/him pronouns all that stuff. but idk. it's complicated and i am also both intersex and autistic so i feel kinda weird about it anyway. i tried identifying myself a s a butch lesbian a few days ago but i changed my mind after about 20 minutes because im worried about people interpreting me as a woman when really my gender is very masculine with some other stuff like an alien. idont know how else to explain it sorry

I definitely get where you're coming from, and I don't think I'll have the "right" answer for you - not because of anything you are, but because you are the expert in your experiences. I'm sure you know that, but I always want to remind people of that, sometimes we get caught up in making sure that we are "right."

There are plenty of other butches, genderqueer people, trans guys - whatever, really - who are in the same boat. It can be hard to navigate and make sure who you are is understood. I think a lot of times, people will interpret you based on their own ideas, and that does suck, but it often doesn't indicate a lot about what you are doing. I definitely think if it makes you comfortable, you should claim it, though I get how complex that can be.

And like... I know so many butches and whatnot who totally get where you're coming from, and I think finding those people can make it so much easier to see yourself claiming it, if that makes sense. If you haven't, please do surround yourself with a bunch of people who have those similar experiences.

You contain multitudes. You are multifaceted, and that may include being "contradicting." Whatever you feel best in is right for you. I don't know what is best for you, but I do know you deserve to be heard and not judged. I hope you extend that curtosy to yourself.

#ask #anon #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #i hope this makes sense #i want to be understanding and know that whatever is right for you isn't a bad thing #i hope you don't for a second feel like you need to have it 'right' and to be 'a good queer person' #it isn't about if everybody magically agrees with your experiences. it's about how *you* feel #and it does suck when people place their *own* ideas about queerness onto you but that will happen without you if that makes sense #and hell i follow a person who self-describes as a het dyke butch trans guy because being trans is fucky sometimes #and it can affect your interactions with sexuality (+being intersex can absolutely affect how you view yourself in relation to society) #so i totally get how it can feel mind-fucky to be in your position and to an extent i empathize #BUT! regardless i hope you find peace and understanding within yourself <<3 #you contain multitudes

[cruelsister-moved2]

ngl i always find it a red flag when someone’s like viciously aggressive towards astrology bc some people’s response is so out of proportion. it’s fine to dislike it or completely disbelieve it & think it’s a waste of time but literally part of being an adult is learning to coexist with other people’s beliefs. the reason responses to astrology in particular are so telling is because you’d have to reach extremely hard to demonstrate any meaningful harm being perpetrated via so its obvious that your response to a little bit of whimsy is to act like a giant baby 

#n its so awkward #when people are just very casually being like 'im an aries lol\ #and someone goes on this fullblown extremely aggressive tirade #like no one is as serious abt astrology as Astrology Haters believe #i always find myself saying things like 'well obviously if someone is breaking up with their partner because they didn't like their chart' #but then i stop myself because uhhhh. no one has ever fucking done that in the history of earth #and generally when ppl say things like oh my ex was a virgo i should've known or w/e its like because that's a cathartic way for them to #process what happened etc #& one of the reasons things like astrology are like. undeniably helpful regardless if there's 'truth' to them #is any reading is going to contain both positive and negative things #if you have repressed concerns you arent allowing yourself to admit then looking at a tarot spread or a synastry chart is probably going to #present those things to you in a voice you can convince yourself isnt your own and therefore might be prepared to let it speak #so if you ever do get the impression someone's done something drastic based on something like that literally the likelihood is that it was #already within them in which case its a very good thing that whatever form of woo allowed it to come out. #ANYWAY!

[craycraybluejay]

The fact that I'm not tall enough makes me actually want to self die. Like idc what other people say in terms of why I deserve or don't deserve to die but. If I was 6'0" I'd feel a lot less constantly depressed.

#tw dysphoria #look i like a good majority of my appearance people find me hot and i find me hot #but every time im reminded of my height i want to kill everything within a 10 mile radius including myself #tw sui ideation #microwave background of i hate society i hate not feeling man enough i hate not feeling on the same page with my body #not only do you have the most painful of problems you also arent large?? what the hell dude #whats wrong with you #stop having so many problems #turn back time be a kid again turn to a life of crime and get the hormones u need b4 its too late #manage your disability with underground docs b4 medicine is irreperablt ruined to you #be a kid again be stronger be smarter get out get out save yourself #its not FAIR #its not right #stretch me on a rack till im long enough to seem near inhuman #break my bones and put me back together until i feel like a person #work me till im sicker than before make me a killing machine make me numb to pain and limits #make me a future where i can be me even if its in a program even if im dead #i dont want to be healthy i just want to be me enough to give a fuck #i want to be free #i look around at the things i care about and i feel weary and numb. what does it matter i ask myself #if i cant experience it all as me but simply as too flawed a flesh mech to connect to. idc if people like me. i just want to be me #a constant fight for identity where everyone not helping me is my enemy. and im so ENVIOUS it makes me sick #envious of things people could never imagine being envious about. i want to leave my body forever #vent #my fight for myself takes no prisoners i will bite every bad hand and use people and be outright cruel bc that is who i am. that is how you #survive. in a world that eats you every day you require the drive and ruthlessness to eat everything and everyone else. #sometimes survival means drowning the part of you that apologizes and pleases. putting yourself first no matter what. #a hundred times id rather be selfish and brutal than give even an inch of my chance at an even okay life #if science isnt enough ill change science. if people arent enough ill change people. if nothings enough ill break all of it #i dont believe in compromise. not when it comes to me.

[hearteiji]

How can you even beat a child

#like I cannot even fathom being able to do that #if someone put me in front of a kid and told me I had to even hit or punch them I literally would vomit #like how can you find it within yourself to even be able to do that #child abuse mention #also I am mom shaming you if you beat your kids

[crunchworldsupreme]

Where is the petition crunch?

Get out of my house!!!!!

#omfg #I put that in there last night when I was trying to fix my shit 😂 #I could not for the life of me find my archive to go through and delete posts #I thought my account was just fuckin glitched because. tumblr #turns out that when you hide yourself from search results -as I had- it basically disables your archive #as well as your own site. you can only be seen from within the dash #which took me ages to figure out and I thought they'd just broken my shit #and it turns out I didn't even need to go to the trouble because I don't think the mass post editor even has anything to do with your archi #they just look the fucking same #and I've never had to do this before so I thought it was from the archive!!!!! #nuar!!!!! #I'm more of a delete my whole blog and move on kind of person #but I didn't want to lose the url so #anyway.... uh petition retracted because it was actually me who broke it by changing all my settings without reading what they did 😂 #mspaint #ms paint #crunchworld

[corvuscrowned]

28 & 32 PLZ <3

PINKY HELLO!! i love you.

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

i love this question and feel ill equipped to answer it, bc the answer is: I Don't Know. i definitely have struggled with feeling pressured to produce in fandom, or to produce writing that i was really proud of and happy with every single time, or to produce writing that other people might really enjoy, and it all became way too much. this all came to a head for me a few months ago and i experienced a very profound fic burnout that was really not fun at all and had me considering leaving fandom. and ever since i've been on the other side of that, i find that i don't feel this same pressure, and i'm able to enjoy the process of writing a lot more and not think so much of outcomes/reception, because i've seen how bad it feels when it gets Real Bad and it's easier for me to prioritize preventing that. so it's hard to say, because i dont think "let the pressure escalate until it overflows and you realize that literally none of this matters except for what YOU get out of it" is a very universal or healthy way of dealing with pressure, but it was my personal somewhat strange process, and in ways i'm grateful it got as intense as it did because i can honestly say my relationship with fic is significantly healthier than i think it has ever been now.

i think for me it's important to make sure that every single thing i write now is for me first. even if it's for a fest (which i have cut back on a lot to maintain this) -- even if it's for a gift -- it has to be for me first. because if i'm not enjoying what i write, then it just becomes work, and i have enough work with my like actual job.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

OH MAN OK i'm not sure if these are my all time favs but they're the ones that come to mind: Draco and Harry's first kiss in Buds Blooms and Beards:

“Christ, Potter. Relax,” he says. He steps close, and Harry shivers when he places an open palm on his collarbone. Draco looks at him curiously as though Harry has suddenly sprouted antlers. Harry tries his best not to meet his intense gaze, but finds that his eyes fall down to his lips instead.

“Alright then,” Draco says. “This is the part where I unfurl my secret homosexual tentacles and use them to suck your life force out through your ears. Have you brought yours along as well?”

Draco trying to determine Harry's sexuality under the guise of herb preferences in Mise en Place:

Draco rolls his eyes. “I can’t just ask,” he says. “That’s far too forward.” He runs a hand through his hair, suddenly vexed. “But then — some people seem like they like coriander, but they really like parsley. And sometimes you think you have someone completely pegged as a parsley fiend, but really they can’t get enough of coriander.”

Harry pauses, taking in Draco’s apparent misery over the mere prospect of garnishes. Then he shrugs. “I like both.”

And Harry's latest dad joke in Twelve Moons which i laughed too much at writing because i am a walking dad joke:

“Sure,” Malfoy says. “It can be a trial run. We can find out whether we can actually interact without killing each other. I’ll even call you by your first name — Harry, was it?”

“You’re a bright lad, Drago.”

ty for the ask pinky!!

send me a fanfic ask!

#ask #long post #i have a lot of thoughts on fandom burnout #i think this is something we see a lot of in drarry bc it is a massive fandom with a lot of fests #and frankly i dont think its a good thing that so many of us end up finding ourselves where we do #i think it is preventable but i do think it requires a bit of a culture shift within this fandom #to make sure that we are not discussing fic as if it was a commodity #and to appreciate the time and energy that goes into creating it #and the rest that is required afteward #and to understand that not everyone can or wants to write at the same quantity #i think we need to continue supporting each other and reminding each other that we dont owe anything to fandom #we dont owe anything to each other but respect #and it's okay to take breaks #and when you feel burnout encroaching it is important not to try to push through it #and to continue checking in with yourself to make sure YOU are enjoying your time in fandom #bc that is the most important thing bar none