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kimbappykidding · 4 months

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Imagine you and Chanyeol acting like a couple but neither of you being confident enough to actually ask the other out

Chanyeol was just nice to everyone. That's what you must've told your fellow Red Velvet members a thousand times. Irene would always shoot you a look while Wendy would outright argue with you. They'd all tried to get you to confess your feelings to Chanyeol but you were terrified to. If he was going to like someone in your company it wasn't you. You were the same age as Irene and considering she was the most beautiful girl on the planet that was hard to compete with. Or he'd surely ask Joy who was gorgeous and tall like him. Or Seulgi who had those stunning sultry eyes. You just didn't get why he'd look at your beautiful members and choose you. Wendy would hit you every time you said but in your mind it was true. Chanyeol had a similar experience. His members constantly told him to hurry up and ask you out. Every time Lay called his first question was "are you dating Y/n yet?" and it drove him crazy. He knew the two of you were close but that didn't mean you liked him. In truth, he was a little intimidated by you. You were one of the smartest idols he knew and the way you spoke was so eloquent and perfect but you could also transform from bookworm to sensational performer in seconds and he respected that so much. You were so complex and multi-dimensional and he was just ordinary in his mind. So he felt out of his depth, surely you'd prefer someone like D.O. or Suho. Someone intelligent and sophisticated but Chanyeol jumped anytime a stage confetti cannon went off. At the next award show your group was in attendance and so was Exo which was exciting because your groups were rarely at the same event especially nowadays. You were looking forward to a laid-back night just enjoying performances when Irene, who was meant to MC, became too sick to go on. She could barely stand up straight so was out of the question and you all began debating who should do it but there was only one plausible option. "Y/n you'll have to go" Irene said and you froze. "But I can't! If they're expecting you sending me out is bound to upset them". Irene rolled her eyes and Wendy punched you. "Y/n you are beautiful and they will be happy to have you there. Now go get ready...go!" she said using her leader voice and it was hard to argue when she used that. So you went to get ready but were so nervous it only took you about 10 minutes. You couldn't sit still long and so the stylist declared your hair done. Luckily you'd already had your makeup done so now you just had to wait. You were freaking out so decided to go speak to Chanyeol who was also a host. Exo always stayed at the same dressing room so you made your way there in auto-pilot. Xiumin opened the door and smiled "hey Y/n! You look great!". You smiled back "thanks is Chanyeol here? I've got to step in as MC and I'm freaking out". Xiumin nodded "of course! Come in" and he led you inside calling for Chanyeol.

That’s when you spotted the beautiful man and despite everything, your heart still sped up a little just from seeing him.

Chanyeol turned and stopped as he saw you. "Woah" he said "Y/n you look insanely good" he gaped and you smiled but he could tell it didn't meet your eyes. "Y/n what's wrong?" he asked. You sighed "I've got to fill in for Irene because she's ill and I'm panicking big time". Chanyeol nodded "sit down and breathe. It's okay, you're not alone. I'll be with you to help every step of the way". "You will?" you asked and he nodded "yeah I'll go see the director now and make sure we're paired together. You'll be absolutely fine". You nodded feeling a little better but still weren't 100%, "What's wrong?" Chanyeol asked and you sighed "everyone is going to be so disappointed, they're expecting someone beautiful like Irene and they get..." you trailed off ashamed to even finish your sentence. Chanyeol was silent for a few seconds before he spoke. "Y/n that's ridiculous. You know that right?". You shrugged and Chanyeol took your hand "Y/n look at me". You didn't want to, scared you'd cry and ruin your makeup but Chanyeol gently squeezed your hand and you looked at him. "Y/n you're just as worthy as anyone else. Looks and appearances don't change that and it's irrelevant but you're just as stunning as Irene. More so in my opinion". You shook your head "now you're just going overboard" but Chanyeol shook his head "I'm not" and his expression was deadly serious. You stared at Chanyeol in shock and he gently brushed away a tear from your cheek. You shivered at his touch and sighed "I should head back to makeup and see if I've done any damage. Thank you for this...I feel better knowing you'll be there. Thank you for everything Chanyeol". He nodded "you never have to thank me, I'm always here for you" and he hugged you. You lingered in the hug just enjoying the feeling of being safe before pulling away. "I'll come find you before it starts?" Chanyeol asked and you nodded, thanked him again and left. As soon as the door shut his members went suspiciously quiet. "Come on then out with it" Chanyeol called "I'm ready for the onslaught of teasing" but the members shook their heads. "No that was really...sweet" Baekhyun said. "Really?" Chanyeol asked and D.O. nodded "yeah you were really there for her and were so kind to her". Chen nodded "well done Chanyeol". Suho paused "can I ask...have you considered you might be a bit more than that? That you could possibly be in love with Y/n?". Chanyeol's mind went blank at the meaning of those words but he knew instantly what the answer was. He blushed and Suho shook his head "sorry that was a personal question. Ignore me. I agree with the guys you were wonderful with her" and everyone carried on like Suho hadn't asked that question and like Chanyeols's response hadn't answered it. Chanyeol stuck to his word and appeared at your door before they called you. "Hey" he smiled as soon as he saw you "you ready Y/n?". You nodded "let me just check my hair once more". "It looks nice" Chanyeol told you and you blushed "okay...then I'm ready. Guys I'm leaving:". "Good luck!" everyone called. "You look great together!" Yeri added mischievously and you glared. "Just ignore her" Seulgi said "but you do both look beautiful" she smiled. Chanyeol blushed "thank you" and you smiled at how cute he looked. As you made your way backstage Chanyeol explained how he'd sorted it all with the director. "You're a lifesaver" you commented and he smiled "it's nothing, if you need anything during the show or get panicked just tap your little finger twice against your card and I'll cut in, okay?". You smiled "you thought of a secret signal?". Chanyeol nodded "why? Do you think it's dumb?". You shook your head "no I love it!". Chanyeol smiled "great" and you both arrived. You gave your names and they told you to get ready to go live and get suited up with microphones. You did as they said and right before it went live Chanyeol squeezed your hand "you're gonna be great Y/n" and he said it with such sincerity you believe it. "So how was it?" Seulgi asked catching you after the show and you smiled "actually not so bad. I mean I did have Chanyeol beside me so I kind of had it easy but it was fun. I enjoyed chatting to the idols and the presenting felt...way better than I expected". Your members all cheered including Irene. "I'm so proud of you!" she cried flinging herself in your arms and you paused "thanks...are you okay?". Seulgi frowned "she had a lot of medicine and it's beginning to set in. I'm taking her home but wanted to check on you first. Would you like to come with us." "Or you can come to the after party with us" Joy cried posing with Wendy and Yeri. She looked so silly it made you laugh and you nodded "I kind of feel like celebrating so yeah I'd like to go". "Chanyeol was so sweet" you told Joy, Wendy and Yeri making them smile. "He's always sweet with you" Joy said and you nodded "I know but tonight was something else...he gave this whole speech to me earlier in front of all his members and it was weird. My exs were always afraid to say anything emotional in front of their friends but Chanyeol...he's different". "He is pretty special" Wendy agreed and Yeri smiled "special enough for you to finally tell him how you feel?". You blushed but didn't dismiss it automatically as you usually did. This made the girls very excited and you couldn't help but smile "let's just see how it goes. I don't want to force it but if something happens naturally then yeah...yeah I might”. Meanwhile the Exo boys were already at the afterparty."So...you and Y/n had great chemistry tonight" Lay said and Chanyeol smiled "you think?". The boys nodded and Xiumin passed him a phone "the fans think so too, they know you're friendly and loved tonight". Chanyeol flicked through a few clips of the two of you together before laughing "is that really how I look at her?". "YES!" Baekhyun cried and the boys laughed. "I never knew that" Chanyeol said "I thought I had a better poker face". "No it's terrible" D.O. said "but if it's any consolation she also looks at you like that". "She does?" Chanyeol asked and he re-watched the videos focusing on how you watched him. He blushed when he saw it was true and paused "you might have a point". "Enough of a point to go ask her out?" Sehun asked "Y/n's just walked in". Chanyeol turned to see you, Yeri, Wendy and Joy enter together. He suddenly felt very flustered because sure you looked at him like that but did you actually want him? All his worries about you being too clever for him came rushing back and he felt anxiously impulsive. Did he go for it or didn't he? The second you were open to something natural happening with Chanyeol, Wendy, Yeri and Joy decided they would make something natural happen. As soon as you walked in Joy bought your favourite shot and they did their best to keep your energy and mood up. Pretty soon you were having a brilliant night and had been dancing for a few songs when a tall handsome man appeared in front of you. "Mind if I join in?" Chanyeol asked and you nodded "of course!" and danced together having fun. You'd had enough alcohol to make you feel buzzed and felt fully at ease despite how great Chanyeol looked or how your heart fluttered. When the song turned to more of a ballad you laughed at the look on Chanyeol's face and gently put his arms around you. "Here, we can slow dance, if you want?". "Yeah I want to!" Chanyeol agreed and you swayed together. "You did amazing tonight” Chanyeol said smiling down at you and you blushed. "Well if I did it was only because of you" You replied "I got through it because you were beside me". Chanyeol blushed "I'm pleased I have that effect, that I can be useful to someone like you". "Someone like me?" You asked confused and Chanyeol paused "I just meant you're so intelligent and put together that I'm pleased I could help you in any way. That I could support you...not that I wanted you to struggle of course!". You smiled "I get what you're saying Chanyeol and you're so sweet. You've always been so kind to me even from the start". Chanyeol chuckled "yeah I have always had a soft spot for you" making you blush "you have?". He nodded "yeah the guys always mention it. How i'll say no to something they ask me to do but if you ask I say yes. They call it favouritism but I call it common sense. Of course I prefer you to them". You blushed "I feel honoured and don't know what I did to deserve such lovely treatment". "You were you" Chanyeol shrugged "simple as that". You went to speak and then trailed off "I don't know what to say...". "You don't have to say anything" Chanyeol replied and he looked at you with those big beautiful eyes until you decided enough was enough. "Actually I do know what to say...I like you Chanyeol, as more than a friend and I want you". "You do?" Chanyeol asked, his big eyes going even bigger and you nodded "yes". "I want you too and always have" Chanyeol admitted and kissed you. The girls were dancing nearby and Yeri spotted you first. She gasped and yanked Joy's arm "look! It worked!" she cried and Joy and Wendy turned to see the two of you wrapped up together. "Yes!" they cried and the three girls did a victory dance leaping around together which made the Exo members look over and also gasp. They began to cheer and you both broke apart at the noise. Chanyeol motioned for them to shut up but they just cheered louder making everyone look over at you. You were both blushing but Chanyeol hadn't let go of your hand. "Come on" you said leading him away and he followed you out into the crisp night air. You both laughed at the situation and how goofy your members were before going quiet realising what just happened. "So you really want me?" Chanyeol asked and you nodded "yes". "Even though I'm not...as clever as you'd like". "As clever as I'd like?" you asked and Chanyeol nodded "yeah you're way smarter than me so thanks for looking past that I guess". "Chanyeol there was nothing to look past! I don't care what your IQ is the main thing I care about is that you're a nice person and you are! Plus you're not stupid, there's a lot I admire about you including your brain". Chanyeol was surprised at that but pleased so his smile returned "and what are these other parts of my body you admire about me?" he asked coming closer. "I never said they were body parts" you argued and he smiled "no but your eyes did" making you blush. "Dammit!" you said pretending to be angry and Chaneyol laughed tilting your chin up so he could kiss you. It was a lot softer and sweeter outside just the two of you and it felt perfect...until you were interrupted again. "Hey Chen you were right!" Sehun cried before pausing as you both pulled apart and looked at him. "Don't stop on our account!" Baekhyun cried "get it Chanyeol" and Chanyeol shook his head at him. "So this is cute" Kai smiled and you both blushed. "I finally told her how I feel...or more accurately Y/n told me and I followed" Chanyeol admitted. "Knew it!" Xiumin cried and he patted Suho "pay up". "You bet on this?" you asked and they nodded "yeah who would break first" and several other members exchanged money too. "Unbelievable!" Chanyeol said and you both laughed. "We'll leave you alone now" Suho said "unless you want a ride back home with us?". You paused not sure how quickly you wanted to move but Chanyeol sensed this and smiled "thanks but I think we're going to hang out for a bit" and he waved the guys off. You spent all night together but not in the typical way. You found a late-night bowling alley and played a few games together. Chanyeol gave you some tips which was really just an excuse for him to wrap his arms around you which you both knew but neither of you minded. Then you played in the arcade until the early hours of the morning. Chanyeol dropped you off at your place feeling invigorated even after getting zero hours sleep. He walked you to the door and was just about to kiss you when the door opened and Irene appeared. She blinked as she spotted Chanyeol and flushed "oh sorry we're the two of you...I was just happy you were home. Carry on" and she closed the door. You blushed thoroughly embarrassed but Chanyeol found it hilarious. "Suho's the same with us, that's probably why they get along so well". You nodded "yeah that makes sense, see you are smart" and Chanyeol blushed adorably. "You're so cute" you said and reached up to kiss him. You only intended it as a peck but Chanyeol wasn't letting that good an opportunity pass and when you were still outside 10 minutes later Irene appeared "Y/n bring him inside if you're going to do that, what will the neighbours think?" making you both burst out laughing. Irene was deadly serious even as you and Chanyeol wiped tears from your eyes. "It's okay don't worry I'm leaving" Chanyeol said and Irene nodded taking your hand as if to stop you going with him. "I'll text you" Chanyeol said and Irene nodded "I should hope so" making you both smile. You knocked her arm and Irene sighed "sorry Chanyeol just our Y/n's special and I want to see her treated right". Chanyeol smiled "don't worry, I intend nothing else" and after saying goodbye to you both he walked away. "You'll probably want to rest after being out all night" Irene said "but I could make you some breakfast or something if you're hungry?". "No I'm good, I'm going to drink some water and I promise I'll go to bed soon" you said and Irene nodded "make sure you do" and patted your shoulder. You sat on the window with a glass in your hand and watched the beautiful sunrise but to be fair anything would've looked beautiful to you that morning...because Chanyeol was yours. As if summoned a text lit up your phone from Chanyeol himself asking if you were free this evening for dinner. You smiled and let yourself enjoy this moment. You'd earned it.

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unlikelyfanhairdoalmond · 1 month

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Oh my, so interesting what he explains about him and Téa. 🥹 So happy for them, and for him to have found someone like this. ❤️

[VIDEO BELOW - New interview with Kara]

Kara : How are things with your accomplice?? How is your accomplice?

Tim : She’s a miracle. I never thought that I would experience something like that at my age. And I had sort of come to terms with like maybe being alone or maybe being some kind of casual thing that wasn’t really too demanding and then we met and it all changed! It is the deepest, most fun, most truly intimate relationship I’ve ever had.

Kara : so why do you think that is? What’s different? What makes it like that?

Tim : […] We want someone to see us. And if we get into a place where we allow someone to really see us, everything, and they can look at that and say ‘Ok, ‘I’m okay with this. All this good stuff and all that bad stuff’ then it’s like a profound relief to be able to be your entire self and know that someone is not gonna blame you or try to change you in a way that’s punishing or belittle you for the things that you have that are human flaws; but you know, try to help you and try to encourage you to improve without trying to fix you. So, all that stuff.

Kara : So, there’s something about her that helped you trust that she would do that, be like that with you? Or were you at a time in your life where you were ready to expose yourself in that way?

Tim : All of the above. And, talking about fear, I was terrified because basically she said to me ‘Give it all, give me everything. Tell me the whole story, all the shit, all the stuff you’ve done you’re not proud of, you’re ashamed of, just tell me and I’ll deal with it’. And I was like ‘okay…’ thinking that perhaps I would get annihilated, you know, that I would step on the landmine the was in the mine field or the eggshells that was out there. I took that risk and I laid it all out and she was like ‘okay. Let’s do this’. Wow, you know and… [getting emotional]. It was and has been an amazing thing and feels not punishing at all. And… some of my relationships I’ve felt punished.

Kara : Right, which would make you think that future relationship would as well, because it was your history, it’s what you knew.

[…]

Kara : You and Téa met when you were on ‘Madam Secretary’. I don’t know if you met before that but that’s when you started becoming intimate. That ended like years ago now. How many years has it been?

Tim : Four years, five years, something like that.

Kara : So, it’s interesting that you are great with that situation, and your environment now is totally different; you’re not working together. And has it changed at all? Was it more something then or more something now?

Tim : That’s better. That’s better now. Yeah, you know, it’s funny because I’m pretty sure there were a lot of eyes rolling on set and lots of nervous people going like ‘Oh God, when that blows up it’s gonna be a disaster. Oh, on set romance…’ And we were a little bit before #MeToo so we could have our romance without being so careful about it, and all this stuff, and there was, I’m not sure if it’s actually called this, it’s called a ‘Love contract’ that you were supposed to fill out for CBS saying ‘We are in a relationship, we work together so if things go badly, we’re not gonna bring it to work’ but we never did.

Kara : Oh, you never signed it?

Tim: No, we never signed it and we never brought our shit to work.

Kara : Very good. There’s something going on that you’ve decided, you’ve approached the whole thing in a healthy way it seems like, to me […].

Tim : It’s pretty spectacular.

Kara : I also love the fact that she said ‘Give me all of it?’. Like she literally said that?

Tim : Yeah. It’s funny also, and so surprising for me. I showed up for work one day at Madam Secretary and I opened the door to my dressing room and there were like 25 pairs of high heel shoes and all this lingerie and I was like ‘What’s happening here?’ And Téa is like ‘Why do we have separate dressing rooms? I’ll just be in here.’ And first I was like ‘Wait, my space, etc.’ and I was like ‘No, she wants to be with me so badly that she’s moved her high heels into my room, so I better take this, this is a good thing.’ And her dressing room turned into a place where we would take naps. At lunchtime, we looked like cadavers. We would lie next to each other and just pass out for about 18 to 20 minutes, we got so good at it, and then we could continue on with our day.

youtube

#timdaly #tim daly #madam secretary #timmydaly #téa x tim #téaleoni #interview #téa leoni #Youtube #téa and tim #timéa

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daisychainsandbowties · 8 months

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you know, Ava is my favorite character ever. i feel i can confidently say that. which is something because i have loved several characters very deeply in the past and yet, this feels different. for so many reasons, i relate to her, i empathize with her, i feel protective of her, i respect her, i admire her, i envy her, she brings me joy and i simply love her so much. likewise, Avatrice are, by far, my favorite pairing/dynamic i've ever encountered. i always used to find it was one character in particular in a couple that you were drawn to; and while Ava is my favorite, i am almost equally drawn to both her and Beatrice. both are so well developed, so equally interesting. great care has been taken with both of their stories. i find that rare, special.

i watched warrior nun the night it was released. sat there for seven hours and watched it. if i could have done so unblinkingly, i would have.

toya turner’s acting in that opening scene is what hooked me, because i knew immediately that Mary & Shannon were being played as a love story, a tragedy. felt a flicker of hope in my chest. and then there was Ava, kissing her reflection, running on the beach, and i just fell in love completely.

i opened this app a few weeks later and looked up ‘ava x beatrice’ just to check that i wasn’t alone. but i was, admittedly, too frightened to become invested in them.

what i did do was watch the show dozens and dozens of times. those were hard years, and you know when you love something so much it’s like breath, something you want to wrap around yourself? it was that to me. kind of feels unbelievable now how i clung to it in such isolation, how some days it was a raft and other days it felt like sunlight.

i think Ava is such a testament to survival. the halo wipes away all her scars but you can still see them in how she looks at the world, flinches from it, can’t bear to do anything less than love it. she was a very healing character to me because you can see her hurting and you can see, feel, experience her refusal to surrender to it. how she’s afraid and smiles anyway. Ava laughing in the catacombs (at death), Ava loving what is mortal (herself).

i remember when the second series was announced. i couldn’t believe it. i set alarms on my phone, couldn’t concentrate on the day it released until i got home, feeling terrified, hopeful. i cried for an hour when they kissed. it just… took me out at the knees. i’d lost faith in seeing myself in shows like that, and… i don’t know there’s something about watching two characters you love, two queer characters kiss on screen, for real, that makes you, as Ava says, fall a little bit in love with what you are because there it is!! what you are is beautiful.

so, yeah, ever since then i’ve been, for the first time in forever, vocally, loudly in love with these characters. with Ava, with Beatrice, i think in equal measure. i have a soft spot for Ava because we’re so alike, but i can see myself in Beatrice too. in both of them i see what i am and what i love, and i suppose in falling for them i’ve been tricked a little into falling for myself, something along the lines of kissing my reflection in a shop window

#again well said anon #i love hearing what these characters mean to people because they mean a lot to me ❤️#warrior nun #avatrice #ava x beatrice #anon

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weirdkpopgirl · 2 years

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Introvert | Dream Reaction #5

Title: When their gf is an introvert

Genre: Fluff, very slight angst

Warnings: mentions of drinking in Haechan’s part

Word Count: 2068k

Author’s Note: I’ve been working on this for a while and finished it on my birthday 🥳 ! Some parts are a little longer depending on the member, which is unintentional. But I hope that my fellow introverts can find this relatable. I tried to be realistic. Thank you for reading!

*noraebang - karaoke room

~ ~ ~

MARK

Mark actually liked that you were an introvert. It meant not having to go out a lot and spending more time resting at home together. You didn’t mind much when he was busy with work and didn’t get to see you. To him, you made dating simple.

But when it came to things like meeting his members, you were practically freaking out. To say the least, you weren’t very talkative. But around new people, you were just so awkward and constantly afraid of making a fool of yourself.

“Everything is going to be fine. I promise,” Mark mumbled.

You took a deep breath and nodded to Mark. Before bringing you in, he placed a quick but encouraging kiss on your lips. “I’ll be right next to you the whole time.”

Mark meant it when he said that. He held your hand in his, as he introduced you to the 127 members.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, (Y/n)-ssi,” Taeyong said.

Jaehyun, sitting next to the leader, nodded. “Yeah, Mark has told us so many great things about you.”

“He did?” You nervously glanced at your boyfriend. He smiled shyly in response.

Soon enough, you didn’t feel too anxious anymore. Mark would be very proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone.

✎__________________________________________________________

RENJUN

Only a few months had passed since you and Renjun started dating. But you were friends before that. So it was safe to say that he knew you well. He is also an ambivert (at least I believe that). So he would be a lot more understanding than you originally thought.

The first time you realized this was when you guys were getting ready for a summer party hosted by Haechan. You had been stressing over the event all week. Not because you didn’t like Haechan or any of Renjun’s friends. You just didn’t like going to parties in general.

Loud music, games, and people everywhere. The idea of it all terrified you.

“(Y/n)-ah, are you ready?” He called out to you. You snapped out of your thoughts and glanced up toward him.

“Of course I am.” You forced a smile on your lips. However, Renjun saw right through you.

He sat down beside you and looked at you softly. “We don’t have to go, you know.”

“What?” Your eyes widened. “No—Donghyuck is expecting us. And you’ve been looking forward to this.”

“He’ll understand.” Renjun took your hand, caressing it gently. “You shouldn’t force yourself to do something you don’t like because of me.”

You were troubled by your boyfriend’s words. When you tried to protest, he stopped you.

“But Renjun—”

“We can see the guys any time,” He reassured you. “Don’t worry.”

In the beginning, you felt really bad about Renjun missing out on the party. But he kept insisting that he would rather stay at home with you. You guys ended up trying a new baking recipe. Honestly, it was a lot of fun. You were truly grateful for having someone as considerate as Renjun.

✎__________________________________________________________

JENO

Being an introvert himself, Jeno understood you pretty well. But compared to him, you were a true blue introvert. Being shy, preferring small groups to large ones, needing alone time. Yeah, you were pretty much the definition of what an introvert was like.

The end of the school day couldn’t come any sooner. You walked out of your last class, feeling so burned out. As soon as you exited the building, you saw your lovely boyfriend waiting for you in the front. Seeing the endearing smile he gave you, automatically let the fatigue move to the back of your mind.

Despite being in high school, you hadn’t pictured yourself being one of those lovesick teenagers. But here you were, eagerly walking into Jeno’s embrace. His strong arms wrapped around your waist tightly. Jeno’s hugs always made you feel safe.

“How was your day?” He asked, after pulling away.

You let out a sigh. “Tiring. I feel so dead.”

Obviously, you were exaggerating. But it didn’t feel too far off from the truth. Being at school all day practically drained the little energy you had to begin with. Jeno nodded understandingly and patted your head. You forced yourself to smile and returned the question to him.

“How was yours?” Jeno’s lips parted as he was about to reply. But he was stopped when his friends came over.

“There you guys are! We’ve been looking for you,” said Renjun.

“Yeah, it’s almost like you were hiding from us,” Chenle crossed his arms. You smiled at the suspicious teasing look on the boy’s face.

Before you started dating Jeno, you didn’t hang out with many people or any at all. You didn’t expect that to change when you became his girlfriend. But you were immediately welcomed into Jeno’s friend group. At first, you were a little overwhelmed by his six guy friends that were kind of chaotic. Now you couldn’t imagine your life without them.

“Who’s in for noraebang* today?” Haechan asked.

The others shared their excitement at their friend’s suggestion. Then there was you who didn’t really want to but felt obligated to go. Just as you were mentally preparing yourself, Jeno wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

“Actually, (Y/n) and I planned to study for our physics test,” Jeno lied.

You turned to him in slight surprise. Sure, you were pretty on top of it with studying. But that test wasn’t for at least two weeks from now.

In response, Haechan rolled his eyes. “Ugh, boring.”

“It’s fine. Let the lovebirds do their thing,” Jaemin waved you two off, causing some of the guys to laugh. Jeno waved to the guys and led you away. You hadn’t been able to take your eyes off him.

“Why did you do that? We could’ve gone with them,” You nudged him.

Jeno shrugged, “I know you’re overstimulated from school. So I think it would be better if we just go to your place and take a nap.”

“What about homework?”

Your boyfriend hesitated and backtracked his previous words. “We’ll do homework and then take a nap?”

Hearing him say this, would cause a swirl of different emotions to consume you. You honestly couldn’t ask for a more understanding boyfriend.

“I love you.” You’d stop walking to hug him. Usually, you were shy when it came to skinship, especially in public.

In return, Jeno’s eye smile would appear. He’d press a light kiss against your temple and say, “I love you too Jagi.”

✎__________________________________________________________

HAECHAN

Donghyuck had no problem with dating an introvert. It’s one of the reasons he fell for you. You guys met at the freshman college retreat. He was having a blast meeting new people, playing games, and participating in the other events.

In the midst of it all, he saw you watching everyone else have fun. So doing what made sense to him, he approached you and introduced himself. Immediately, you were shy by the sudden attention you had gotten from this cute boy.

“Why is a pretty girl like you sitting by herself?”

Hesitantly, you looked around and back at him. “Are you talking to me?”

“Silly, who else would I be talking to?” He teased. “Also, you didn’t answer my question.”

He listened quietly as you reluctantly explained that the friend you came with was off somewhere drinking. You didn’t know anyone else here, and everyone else seemed to have formed into cliques already.

“You can hang out with my friends and me, if you want,” Haechan suggested. “We are kind of loud and weird. But we won’t judge you.”

For the first time that night, you smiled and accepted the boy’s offer. The guys didn’t expect Haechan to come back with a girl. To your surprise, they welcomed you fairly quickly. At first, you were a little overwhelmed by them. But they were all kind and funny.

It took a while (like a whole semester) for you guys to start dating. But when Haechan was with you, he’d be super soft. He was also surprisingly protective. If anyone tried to mess with you or make you feel uncomfortable, he was sure to make them regret it.

Honestly, Haechan thought you two were the perfect pair. While he helped you come out of your shell, you helped him appreciate the quiet side of life. In other words, you guys balanced each other nicely.

✎__________________________________________________________

JAEMIN

You being an introvert would bring out the introvert in Jaemin. When he was with you, Jaemin would be a lot calmer. In a sense, you guys would sort of recharge together. Especially late at night and you were both done with work or school.

The two of you would meet in his bedroom, utterly exhausted from your day. With the lights dimmed, you guys would be on opposite sides of the room doing your own thing, He’d be on his computer, editing photos. You would be laying on the bed, reading a book. The comfortable silence was complete bliss.

There were other times when you’d be hanging out with the Dreamies. Jaemin and you would be sitting off to the side, watching the chaos happen among your friends. After a while, Jaemin and you would meet each other’s eyes. You’d squeeze his hand and smile softly.

Of course, Jaemin found this quiet gesture to be adorable. Unable to resist himself, he’d cup the right side of your face and kiss you gently. The two of you would completely forget about what was happening around you.

“I swear, those two are in their own world,” Renjun shook his head.

Mark being the eldest, would try to defend you guys. “Well…they’re kinda cute.”

Jaemin didn’t really care about what the guys thought. But you’d probably be embarrassed later.

✎__________________________________________________________

CHENLE

A common question people had when they came across Chenle and you was, “How did you even meet one another?”

He was loud, and you were quiet. He had no problem saying what was on his mind, while you held back your true thoughts on things. He was confident, you were not. Despite your different personalities, it somehow worked.

Chenle is another member who would think of you cutely. There would definitely be times when he teased you. In social situations where you’d get shy, he’d laugh and hug you from behind.

While Chenle didn’t see you being an introvert as a problem, you were a little insecure about it. You just didn’t get it. Chenle was such a great guy and he could have anyone. Why you?

“Why are you dating me? I’m so boring,” You asked half-heartedly.

The singer looked up from his phone to you. In a gloomy mood, your chin was propped up by your elbow resting on the edge of the sofa.

Chenle being quick-witted would simply smile and say, “Yeah, but you being boring makes me more fun.”

Unfortunately for him, you weren’t pleased with his answer. Chenle laughed and grabbed your hand when you made a move to leave. Then he’d pull you down into a hug.

“I like you the way you are, (Y/n)-ah. You’re perfect.”

So no matter how many times you doubted yourself, Chenle was there to reassure you.

✎__________________________________________________________

JISUNG

Jisung is pretty introverted himself. So he wouldn’t mind if you were an introvert too. But you guys were different types of introverts. He was more on the shy side, while you were just quiet in general.

Eventually as you guys got closer, Jisung’s shyness would wear off. He’d definitely be the more talkative one out of you two. Lucky for him, you were a great listener.

Jisung had had a lot of thoughts floating around his head. He couldn’t describe how nice it felt to be himself, without feeling judged.

It would be another late night of him ranting and you listening while playing with his hair.

“I don’t know. I just want to do my best and work harder,” He sighed and then turned to you.

You gave him a soft smile. “I get how you feel. But I think you’re doing pretty great, Jisung-i.”

This is one of the things Jisung loved about you. How understanding you were. How patient you were. How you never invalidated his feelings. He always felt better after talking to you.

“Thank you for listening to me.” He’d hug you and hold you close to him. “I really appreciate it.”

✎__________________________________________________________

#nct dream #nct 127 #nct dream reactions #nct dream fluff #mark lee #renjun #haechan #jeno #jaemin #chenle #jisung #mark #lee donghyuck #park jisung #kpop #nctzen #czennie

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agathasangel · 1 year

Text

I Love Everything You Do- Part 1 (Eve Fletcher X Fem!Reader)

Warnings:Soft!Eve, Power Bottom!Eve, Sub!Top!Reader, Virgin!Reader,Obviously smut. Legal age gap (reader is early 20s Eve is mid 40s), Mommy kink ofc

Summary: After many nights spent partying together, Eve finally takes you home and shows you what you’ve been missing out on.

You’ve been to this bar so many times before just hoping to meet someone. To make friends. You’ve always been content being alone, but you still wanted to find your people. Every time you came out here you would usually hang out and drink with a group of older women. The one that was always there and who you could never get out of your head was named Eve.

The two of you would talk about your lives. She was divorced and had a son in college who wasn’t much younger than you.

“It’s still so hard. I mean it- it’s lonely. I miss them all the time. Even Ted- he cheated on me, I know, I should hate him, but-“

“No, I understand. You loved him, one thing doesn’t immediately take that away.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“No, not really. I’m pretty lonely too. I guess I’m just shy. You must think I’m pathetic, I’m out of college and have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend or anything-“

“No. No no no,” Eve put her and on your shoulder and looked at you straight in the eyes.

“There is nothing wrong with you.”

Eve was so beautiful, so kind, so comforting.

Another night, Eve told you all about her son’s first semester of college.

“I was all alone, and I just- oh my god this is so embarrassing- I just started watching porn, like, all the time.”

“That’s not embarrassing, Eve.”

“Then- then you met Amanda- I kissed her, and I had a threesome with her and this guy who was- he was nineteen. And then my son- my son walked in on us. It wasn’t great and I- I haven’t had sex since then.”

“Wow. Holy Shit.”

“And the kid knew my son, too. The hated each other.”

“Oh my god. Was he proud or embarrassed?”

“I don’t know. Probably both. We never talked about it again.”

“I wish I could tell you a story like that but I’ve got nothing. I’ve never even had sex before.”

“That was the last time I did it.”

“I get why that guy had a crush on you.”

“I don’t. Why would he want me over someone his own age?”

“Because older women are beautiful and smart. And because you’re you, Eve. You’re an amazing woman no mater how old you are.”

“You’re the sweetest. You’re so… pretty, too. I didn’t realize I until my son left that I’m bi. Like, that I’m into women I mean. Wow, I’ve never said that out loud before.”

“I mean you did have sex with Amanda.”

“Yeah, but- I don’t know. I’ve never talked about it before, or talked about how many other women I’ve been attracted to or said that I’m bisexual. You’re just so easy to talk to.”

“Wow, Eve. Thank You. You know, I’ve never been a big party girl but I go out every weekend now just so I can see you. It’s embarrassing, I know, but I really like you.”

“I like you too.”

“I know you fantasize about women. Have you ever had fantasies about me?” You were terrified to ask. You were scared that Eve would say no and you would be humiliated.

“Oh, all the time, honey.”

“What do you think about?”

“I think about undressing you, being the first woman to touch you.. My favorite thing to think about is teaching you exactly how to please me. I lay back and spread my legs and you just do as I tell you to do. What your Mommy tells you to do. And I’ll tell you how much I love it, and what a good little girl you are. Would you like that? Because I’m not working tomorrow or anything, I could call an Uber and take the both of us back to my place right now if you felt like it.’

“I want that so badly Eve,” you said, your breathing still heavy, “but I’m scared I won’t do a good enough job.”

“Oh honey, trust me. You’ll be amazing just because you’re you”

You listened to Eve and went home with her.

“You’re such a pretty thing, look at you. So cute and innocent. Are you nervous?”

“A little bit. I just wanna do a good job for you, Mommy,” you said, trying out the title Eve had called herself earlier.

“It’s okay. Don’t be scared little one, Mommy’s gonna show you exactly how to please her.”

“I- I can do that Mommy. I can be good and obedient for you Mommy.”

Eve cupped your cheek in her hand, “I know, baby. Let me give you a kiss first.”

And Eve kissed you hard, the first time you kissed anyone in a very long time. Her hands moved all over your body, groping your breasts, your butt, and your thighs. Eve slowly pulled away from you and you quietly whimpered at the loss of contact. But she quickly made up for it by taking off all her clothes. Her body was incredible, just a beautiful work of art. Eve lay down on the bed and spread her legs, beckoning you closer to her. You sat in between her legs, looking at her pussy. You had never seen another woman’s up close before and you weren’t quite sure what to do.

“What should I do first Mommy?”

“First, you’re gonna rub my clit like this,: and she demonstrated, taking two fingers and rubbing them in a circular motion around her clit. You did as Eve said and she let out a soft, shaky breath.

“Yes little one, just like that, that feels so nice…”

After a few minutes, Eve instructed you to insert a finger into her, then another, then another.

“That feels so good, baby! You’re doing such a good job. Good girl, good…”

Eve laid the praise on heavy, and you loved it. You leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and she giggled.

“You’re so cute, little one. Now, Mommy has a very special toy she wants you to fuck her with. Wait here.”

Eve went into the closet and pulled out a dildo and harness.

“I’ve never used these before, babe. But I keep collecting toys hoping to find someone. I wanna try them finally.”

Eve helped you into the harness and led you back to the bed, kissing you. She lay down on her back and held onto your hips as she guided you into her. Eve was so wet, so excited.

“Yes, that’s it baby, fuck Mommy, make her feel good. Just like that…” said Eve as you started nervously thrusting into her.

“Harder, little one, that’s it. You’re so cute when you do that.”

You went harder with Eve’s help, her hands gripping your hips.

“Is this good, Mommy? Am I making you feel good?” You asked as you used your hands to play with Eve’s breasts. You could hear her moans getting louder and more excited as you went harder.

“Yes baby, yes, keep doing that. Keep playing with Mommy’s breasts, just like that. You’re such a good girl! Keep going.”

You could feel yourself getting wet too, and you went faster with your Mommy’s encouragement.

“I’m getting so close baby. I’m so close! You’re fucking Mommy so good baby, yes!”

Eve came and you kissed her. The both of you just stayed there for a while, with you on top of and inside of her, and her hands groping you.

“That was great. How do you feel, baby?”

“I’m so wet, Mommy.”

“I can take care of that after you rest up, beautiful girl.”

#eve fletcher #eve fletcher x reader #eve fletcher imagine #wlw smut #Kathryn Hahn #mrs fletcher #kathryn hahn imagine

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im-just-a-br0adway-baby · 7 months

Text

Encantober 2023 Day 7: Storm

The Encanto was going through one of the worst tropical storms they had in a long time. The entire village had to stay indoors until the storm wore off. Knowing how bad it was going, it seemed like they were going to be staying inside for at least a week. All the villagers could think was, “what has gotten Pepa so upset that she’s storming this bad?”

In Casita, the Madrigal family could not help but notice Pepa’s door acting up. The rest of the family decided that it was best to leave her alone and stay in their respective rooms except for meals during the storm to keep themselves safe. Julieta and Agustin suggested that Felix stayed in their room during the storm, and while he agreed at first, all he could think to himself was how awful his wife was feeling and wanted to be there for her.

“I really don’t think I should be in here anymore. Pepa’s been at this emotional meltdown for over an hour. I need to be there for her.”

“Are you sure? Because if I were you, I would be terrified to step foot in my room. I never experienced her mood being this bad before,” Agustin explained.

“No me importa. I was never scared of her, ever since we first met. What makes you think I’m going to be scared of her now?”

“I was just giving you my opinion. I would just be cautious.”

Felix shrugged it off as Julieta came back in the room with a full place of arepas. “I figured we could enjoy some before the kids see us and start begging us for some.”

Agustin, Felix, and Julieta grabbed an arepa each from the plate and took a bite of them simultaneously. “Juli, do you think I’m not making the right decision by checking up on Pepa?”

“Felix, what makes you think you’re not making the right decision?”

“Because Agustin is telling me that he would be too terrified to even enter the room if he was in this situation.”

“Oh, you know that Agustin would be scared in any unfamiliar situation. I’ve known you for most of our lives, and nobody can calm Pepa down like you can. There’s no need for you to feel as hesitant as you are right now.”

Felix took another bite out of his arepa. “Gracias, Julieta; I figured I wasn’t making a wrong decision. I just needed someone to confirm for me.”

“De nada, Felix; and you don’t need any confirmation. You’re already great at making good decisions.”

Felix grabbed another arepa from the plate and put it in a handkerchief for Pepa after she calmed down. He made his way out of Julieta’s room and stared across the hall to see Pepa’s door. It was flashing so constantly that none of the other doors have ever flashed before. He slowly made his way to his room to see how Pepa was doing. Once he got to his room, he slowly opened the door to see Pepa on the bed, the room flooded with rain and storm clouds surrounding it. She did not put her head up until she heard Felix’s voice.

“...Pepi? Is everything okay?” he asked as he made his way into the room.

Pepa put her head up, but continued crying. “Go away,” she said bluntly.

“Look, I see that you’re upset right now, but I just want to try to help you. There is a massive tropical storm spreading throughout the Encanto and we’re scared we need to stay evacuated for at least a week.”

“So? I’ve lived here my entire life and had my gift for over forty-five years. They know how to deal with this.”

“Not to this extreme. I never remembered seeing a storm this bad in the Encanto.”

Pepa ignored her husband and continued crying into her pillow, allowing the clouds and flood to grow. Felix never felt this lost his entire life. Normally, he would never be this lost in helping Pepa. Normally, he would have an answer when it came to calming down his wife. But right now, he has nothing.

Felix sat on his bedside as Pepa continued crying. All he could think about was how he was going to fail as a husband if this was not solved immediately. As much as she tried to, she just could not stop crying. She tried to do everything in her power to stop, but the tears just kept on coming. Not even the presence of her husband could calm her down at the moment. That was, until Felix had an idea.

“Stay right there, Pepita, I’m going to get something for you.”

Felix left the room to leave Pepa be for a couple minutes. He made his way down the hall and knocked on the nursery’s door. Mirabel answered the door to see her uncle standing in front of the door.

“I thought we were supposed to be in our rooms right now. It’s still pretty bad right now.”

“I know, Mira, but I think I know what will calm Pepa down. Do you have any sewing supplies we could use together?”

“I have a lot of it. But I thought you didn’t know how to sew.”

“That’s why I’m asking you to help me. You also know what fabrics and scents calm Pepa down more than anyone else in this house. If you help me make something that could be the calmest thing imaginable, maybe the storm will pass.”

Mirabel agreed after taking out her box of sewing supplies. She showed Felix all the fabrics she often used and grabbed another box from her closet. It was filled with scents she sometimes used when she wanted to give anything she made a little extra kick.

“I have every fabric that every member of this family likes in this box, and every scent this family likes in this other box. Since Pepa’s most comforting fabrics and absolute favorite scent is available, we can make a little toy for her that should calm her down instantly.”

Felix could not be any more grateful for having a niece as smart as Mirabel. Not only did she know which fabrics comforted which family members, but she also knew what scents every family member loved better than anyone else. The uncle and niece dug through the boxes to find Pepa’s most comforting fabric to begin making a toy for her.

------------------------------------------

The toy took about two hours to finish, but they finished it and Felix took it and made his way back to his room. Pepa’s door was still flashing and the storm was starting to get worse. Felix was starting to tremble because now he thought this was not going to work. Regardless, he still made his way back to his room in hopes that it would. He knocked on the door as slowly as he could until Casita opened the door for him. He made his way into his room to see his wife still crying into her pillow, in the same position she was in when he left.

“Pepi, I have something for you. Do you want to see it?”

Pepa ignored him and continued crying into her pillow. Felix moved closer to her and sat on their bedside in hopes he could smell the vanilla scent. He already knew before Mirabel told him that it was her favorite smell.

“It’s super comforting. Mirabel helped me make it.”

Pepa reached her hand out to try and grab the toy from Felix, so he put it in her hand. She put her hand back to notice it was silk. It was the most comforting fabric to her; almost every cuddle toy she owned was made out of silk. Not that long after, she smelled the vanilla scent from the toy and immediately stopped crying. She continued feeling and smelling the toy; it felt like it was a small plush bunny. Pepa lifted her head from her pillow to see a small, white, silk bunny with a vanilla scent to it. Her clouds slowly began to disappear and the storm turned into a small drizzle.

“Wow; this is the best thing anyone has ever given to me. How did you make this?”

“I got help from Mirabel. I didn’t think anything would calm you down, because I tried to talk to you and you ignored me.”

“Lo siento, mi amor; I never meant to ignore you out of harm. I was just too angry to talk to anyone and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

The couple hugged each other as Pepa’s storm clouds turned into sunshine and rainbows. “What got you so angry in the first place?” Felix asked.

“I was out doing chores and I saw a couple of girls coming into the fields. They came closer to me and I saw it was my high school bully, Valentina, with girls that I had never seen before. She came up to me and made all these comments about my insecurities to see if she could make me snap, and she did. Before the storm started, I… beat her just like I often did when we were teenagers.”

Felix hugged his wife one more time while she squeezed the bunny. The storm may have stopped, but there was a lot of damage, both in the Encanto and inside Pepa, that needed to be fixed. He knew it was going to be a hard job when he started dating her, but he took it for over thirty years and was still happy to do it now.

#encanto #disney #disney encanto #disney's encanto #pepa madrigal #felix madrigal #mirabel madrigal #pepa x felix #felix x pepa #encantober #encantober 2023 #day 7 #storm #encanto fic #encanto fanfic #encanto fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #la familia madrigal

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tartarusknight · 1 year

Text

The King of the Freaks | Part 15

Ao3 Link | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

CW for sexual harassment and dissociation/derealization

On Monday, Steve felt nervous but also more sure of himself than ever before. But in a way, after breaking down in front of the guys, Steve wasn’t completely sure how to act anymore. He was used to making himself scarce so they wouldn’t feel like he was too much. But that first day back, instead of just smiling their way and continuing on in the morning, he stopped by Grant’s locker where all, minus Eddie, were standing. They had smiled at him brightly and he felt stupid for missing out on this for so long.

“Hey Steve, so what are your plans for Thanksgiving?” Jeff questioned.

He couldn’t help but shrink into himself a little. “Uh, I don’t really celebrate. Not much of a feast when you eat alone.” He shrugged and tried to stay nonchalant about it.

Jeff tilted his head before nodding to himself, “Why don’t you join my family? I’ve got a huge family so honestly one more is nothing.” He said and Steve froze because he’s never really had this opportunity.

He could feel the desire to cry building up so he looked away from the group of guys, “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.”

An arm was thrown over his shoulder and he looked over to see Eddie who finally joined them. “Lucky man. Jeff’s gran makes the best pies,” Eddie grins and Steve can’t help but smile back. Hope was building every day with these people. He didn’t feel so lonely. He had thought this big break would’ve been lonely. But he’s already got a plan for one of the days.

The bell rang and Eddie groaned, “I don’t wanna go to Mrs. Click’s. I’m 80% sure she hates me.” He whined and Steve laughed.

He wrapped his arm back around Eddie, “Come on. Stop being a big baby.” He decided, dragging Eddie off towards their shared class. Eddie groaned and tried to slow them but Steve easily overpowered him. Eddie didn’t stop complaining even as they reached the classroom.

Steve ripped his bagel in half and handed one to Eddie. Eddie looked a little surprised but then he smiled. It made his dimples stand out and it was so dorky, but it made Steve smile right back. He sat in his spot next to Tammy Thompson who constantly checked him out and the girl behind him who drilled holes into the back of his head.

Still, he was having a good day and it wasn’t slowing him down. During lunch, he actually sat down with the boys instead of just stopping by. And he was able to just joke around and have fun instead of hiding in the library or his car. He was slowly gaining his footing and it terrified him but also excited him. During the last class of the day, he had actually sat next to Eddie in class and Eddie had given him another of those big smiles that Steve was starting to think were perfect.

Of course, he couldn’t just mess around with Eddie all class period though. He started on the math work as Eddie did the same. Steve seemed to lose track of his surroundings until Eddie groaned and slammed his head on the desk. Steve glanced over and noticed doodles on the worksheet but only the first couple of math problems were completed. Steve himself wasn’t great at math but it was easier than English. He didn’t have to worry about the numbers running all over the page like words would.

“Do you want to work together?” He asked before he could stop himself. Eddie sat up so fast he would’ve toppled backward if Steve hadn't steadied his chair. “Jesus, calm down.” He huffed and took in Eddie’s shocked expression on his face. “What?”

Eddie blinked, “you want to work with me?”

Steve’s nose wrinkled at Eddie’s words. “What? I asked, didn’t I?”

Eddie's fingers tapped on the desk and the room was noisy, filled with students who didn’t care about actually working on their work. “Yeah, but… well- um, Steve this isn’t my first time taking this-”

Steve rolled his eyes, “so what?”

It was like Eddie was shrinking back into himself. He looked small in a way Steve hadn’t noticed before. “I’m not going to be any help. I can’t focus for shit. I spend more time getting off task than working on my shit.” Eddie mutters and Steve hates how quiet he is.

He thinks of how Eddie had been open to Steve this past weekend. It makes the nonchalance tumble off his shoulders. “Eds, I just want to help. I’m not great at this shit but I think we might as well try to work to our strengths, right?” He offered and brought his paper over to him and tapped his pencil on Eddie’s paper. “We can try, right? I’ll keep you focused to the best of my abilities and you can try to make it make sense in my brain. Because your work on those two actually looks right and I have no clue what I’m doing.” He says quietly and Eddie blinks at him.

Then he gets a determined look on his face and grabs his pen. Eddie’s thoughts were all over the place but he was still smarter than Steve could ever wish to be. He was able to explain the work like it was easy and while it helped Steve, he still struggled. Eddie stayed determined, like just the thought of helping Steve was able to keep him focused. But Steve still had to point Eddie back in the right direction a couple of times. It took a while but they were able to parse together the worksheet.

While they were working, Steve noticed more than a few glances their way. Even the teacher seemed intrigued by them. He tried to ignore it. But he’s never been great at ignoring what others thought of him. It’s why he got to the top; it’s why he became King Steve. But he didn’t want to be a shallow asshole who only cared about everyone’s opinions. He wanted to be like Eddie, walking in his own skin and staying confident.

Still, just because he wanted to stop being King Steve didn’t mean he could just stop caring. He shrunk into himself as they gossiped. “Do you think Harrington uses the freaks to look hotter?” One girl murmured to her friend; it made their friend laugh.

“I mean, why else would Steve Harrington be friends with Satan worshippers?” The one replied and Steve glanced over at Eddie who was chewing on the end of his pen. “Although rumor has it Nancy dumped him. So maybe he really is that much of a loser.”

The first girl sighed as if it affected her personally. “Do you think people would still be jealous if I slept with him?”

“Probably everyone knows how good in bed he is.” She replied and Steve gripped his pencil tighter.

“Good, because I know a few of us want a taste before he graduates.” They giggled to themselves and Steve tried to ignore it. “You know everyone’s got a talent, he might not be special but he’s still got his looks and that tongue-”

Steve jumped as Eddie kicked his desk hard enough that it tumbled to the ground in front of him with a bang. Everyone went quiet and he just shrugged, “Leg spasm.” He offered and Steve felt frozen in place as Eddie picked up his shit. The teacher didn’t even bother getting him in trouble, she just sighed and continued on with her day.

Eddie calmly sat back down and acted like nothing happened. It made him so jealous. Eddie reached over and grabbed the collar of his vest to pull Steve over to whisper in his ear, “are you alright, sweetheart?”

Steve jerked like he was slapped and looked over at Eddie. “Uh, um, yeah?” He choked out and Eddie looked like he was trying to see straight into his soul. Steve couldn’t handle that. He stood up and handed in his worksheet before heading straight out of the classroom.

He felt his hands shake and he could hear Eddie follow after him, but he couldn’t focus on that. “Stevie, Steve, slow down. It’s okay, you’re okay.” Eddie blocked his path and Steve’s hands gripped Eddie’s leather jacket. Eddie bit his lip and gently touched Steve’s arm, guiding them into the bathroom. Steve easily followed him but kept his grip on Eddie. “I’m right here, okay? Those girls are just uh, dickheads?” Eddie stumbled over his words and Steve glanced up at him.

“They want dick and head, Eddie,” Steve said dumbly.

Eddie nodded and then sighed. He looked a little lost and Steve knew he was blowing this out of proportion. “But… Steve, isn’t that kind of a compliment? Like they didn’t phrase it right but-”

Steve feels the words like a plate to the head and it takes everything inside of him to avoid breaking apart at the seams. He took the emotions that started to bubble up and shoved them down. So far, they slip from his grasp and everything around him quietens until all he can do is focus on Eddie.

He feels like he's buzzing with energy but unable to flip the right switch so it goes to the right place. It makes his brain feel like it's speeding up until his movements aren't able to keep up. Before he wasn’t even the one moving himself anymore. He was too far away to do anything but watch himself. Like he was a passenger in his own body. Like his words weren’t his. Like he wasn’t himself.

“Yeah, Eddie. I mean, I’m Steve Harrington. I’ve got a reputation for a reason. I just don’t see the point of sitting around listening to gossip.” He said and it came out smoothly like it was the truth. Too perfect and so wrong in ways he can't express. The world is blurred around the edges and he's not really sure what's happening.

“I mean some of the shit they were saying was absolute shit and I get-” Eddie was still talking but Steve wasn’t in the conversation anymore. He wasn’t sure where he was. It was familiar to a concussion but also so far away from it that just left him lost.

Still, he laughed and playfully shoved Eddie. It made Steve realize that at some point he had stopped clutching onto Eddie. “Dude, it’s fine. Honestly, that doesn’t even bother me. It’s a compliment, right?” He asked and something in Eddie’s expression wasn’t right.

“Steve, I…” He trailed off like he wasn’t sure what to say. Steve felt like shit as he took a step back from Eddie.

He knew he was grinning but he didn’t understand how. “Eddie,” He leaned in close and confident in ways Steve hadn’t been since being King Steve. “I know I’m a slut. I know the things they say. Just because I haven’t been sleeping around doesn’t mean shit. I know what I’m good at,” he states and Eddie looks hurt. But before Eddie can do anything the bell rings and Steve slips out of the bathroom. He goes straight home and doesn’t bother talking to anyone else.

@zerokrox-blog @cyranx @adaed5 @the-redthread @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @failedstarsandgoldenclouds @bisexualdisastersworld @deadlydodos @anythingyouwanttobe @nburkhardtt @bestwifehaver @thehumblefigtree @megzdoodle @swimmingbirdrunningrock @mightbeasleep @bxlthazar @autumnal-dawn @chillichats @nonbinary-eddie-munson @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner @eddie-munson-is-my-wife @a-little-unsteddie @sharingisntkaren @a-huge-nerdy-nerd @0o-queendean-o0 @beckkthewreck @vi-an-te @vampireinthesun @newtstabber @dinosareawesome2137 @spicemallow @hellomynameismoo @luthienstormblessed @briceslayed @angeldreamsoffanfic @dbquills @prideandsensibility @iwouldsail @ponfarrtimeatthevulcannightclub @spectrum-spectre @the-chilly-kat @yearningagain @loopsmd @starlight-archer @sleepy-time @goodolefashionedloverboi @crazyshipper67 @sherrylyn628 @bidisastersworld @v3lnys @n0connections @pyrohonk @cherixxx69 @theotalksalot @tailsfromthecrypt @ledleaf @grimmfitzz

(I can’t tag any more people I’m sorry!!! If you want to stay updated pls follow me or go onto Ao3 and subscribe to the story!)

#Robin and Tammy Cameo lol #eddie munson has adhd #steve harrington has dsylexia #i'm projecting #steve needs a hug #hellfire club #eddie munson #steve harrington #season 2 au #stranger things #steddie fic #pre steddie #high school au #king steve #hurt steve harrington #hurt eddie munson #the fallen king and the king of the freaks

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mystical-flute · 6 months

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Swanfire Week Day 4: Time Warp

Also on AO3

Oops, so this is a month late.

While investigating the last of Zelena's magic in Storybrooke, Emma and Neal are thrust back in time, and they must find the key to get them back home.

Okay. Now Emma was beginning to understand how everyone found Gold to be so damn creepy in the past. Not that she’d ever had a great feeling about him, even before she believed in magic, but the glittery skin and the lizard-like eyes were just downright intimidating and terrifying to look at.

Neal looked like he wanted another portal to open underneath him and take him far, far away from here. Emma couldn’t say she blamed him - despite their reuniting in Storybrooke and the work the two of them had put in already, she couldn’t imagine being confronted with Gold while he looked like that was easy for him.

“I thought I felt some powerful magic around here, and here you two are,” Rumplestiltskin hummed, his fingers steepled together. “I must say you’re rather brave to be in this kingdom.”

“And… why is that?” Emma questioned.

“Because of the war, of course. Snow White seems determined to take her kingdom back from her wicked stepmother,” Rumplestiltskin replied, before he gave her a smirk. “There aren’t many people in this realm that don’t know about that considering Regina’s reputation. I don’t think you’re from here at all.”

“How could you - ”

“I’m the Dark One, dearie. I know all.”

Neal visibly shuddered next to her.

“Okay, fine. We’re not from here. We got sent here from the future. See? It’s all written in this book,” Emma said, holding the book out in front of her. “I don’t know how to get us home. I wasn’t the one who cast the original time travel curse.”

“Ah… yes I understand now. But Once Upon a Time is a rather on the nose title for a book isn’t it?”

Emma shrugged. “Who knows why authors choose the titles they do?”

Gold smirked. “Yes. Who knows indeed.”

“So how do Neal and I get back to our time?”

“That depends on you, dearie. What was it in this time that you hated so badly that you needed to change, hm? Who hurt you, and drove you to cast a spell like this? Desperation?”

“Neither of us cast the spell. We just got caught in the crossfire when Emma was trying to stop it.” Neal wasn’t looking at Gold as he spoke, and Emma couldn’t say she blamed him. “So just tell us how to get home already.”

“What’s wrong, dearie? Not a fan of the past?” Gold giggled.

“You could say that.”

Gold flourished his hands. “Well, if neither of you cast the curse, then I suppose you’ll just have to watch the way things play out. Perhaps there’s a feeling of loss that you have, that being here will heal. Just be sure not to change things around… you don’t want something you love to disappear.”

“But how do I - ”

“There is a lake not too far from here. The waters there are magical, so I’m sure you’ll be able to work it out. And who knows? You might be able to find what you’re missing.”

But she wasn’t missing anything, was she…?

Gold raised a brow, like he knew what the issue was, and smiled. “Yes well, if you’re going to risk running into people, you’re going to need to look the part.” His hands flourished, clouds of smoke surrounding them for a moment before it vanished, and they were on the edge of… what was supposed to be a lake, she was sure, but looked like an empty sand pit.

“Where the hell did he send us?” Neal whispered as they kept themselves hidden within the thicket of trees. They were alone, which was weird.

“I don’t know,” Emma whispered as she stepped forward. “But… I feel like I’ve been here before. It feels familiar.”

“You mean when you got sucked through Jefferson’s hat?”

Emma nodded. “Yeah, but it’s weird… I could have sworn this was a lake.” It was coming back to her now, slowly. This was the place she’d fought Hook and Cora, right before she and her mother had gone back to Storybrooke.

Before they had gone… home.

“This is Lake Nostos… there was supposed to be some sort of magical water in it… I wonder why your dad would have sent us here?”

“I wonder why there’s no water here,” Neal added with a frown, crouching down. “Does Henry’s book say anything about this place?”

“I don’t know,” she replied, sitting on a log she wasn’t sure was technically on the shore or if she’d be drowning if the lake looked normal. “Keep an eye out for anyone else coming and I’ll take a look.”

Neal nodded, looking into the thick brush that surrounded them.

Emma sighed and flipped through the book, searching for any mention of Lake Nostos. She stopped at one, where a siren tried to get David to drown himself to join her by disguising herself as Mary-Margaret (which Emma shuddered at, because ew). But the lake seemed fine, so she moved on, flipping further into the book, and only stopping when she noticed the same empty basin.

“Oh no,” she whispered, flipping through the story and hoping for a happy ending despite knowing it wasn’t meant to be. “Neal… this is the place David’s mother died.”

Neal’s eyes widened. “Oh no. So if Papa sent us here, does that mean there’s something you need to see before we’re able to go home?”

Emma opened her mouth to reply, but shut it quickly when they heard the sound of footsteps and the creak of something being pulled. Neal ducked in front of her as she shoved the book in her bag, only managing to close it in time for her parents and Lancelot to appear from the forest, and her grandmother - and Emma could hardly believe she would be meeting one of her grandparents - on a cart being pulled behind them.

And Ruth had an arrow in her shoulder, her skin a sickly pale color as blood dripped onto her shoulder.

God, why would she have to watch one of her loved ones die? Hadn’t she been through enough? Hadn’t they all been through enough?

David had fallen to the ground and was clawing desperately at the sand, and Mary-Margaret was dabbing at Ruth’s forehead, bent over the cart and speaking to her so quietly Emma couldn’t hear her.

“Hey!” Lancelot shouted, looking at Emma and Neal with a hand on his sword. “Who are you and what happened to this lake?”

Emma held her hands up in surrender. “I’m… Odette, and this is Derek. We came here hoping to find some magic that will aid us in our quest. We don’t know what happened. The lake was like this when we got here.”

Lancelot frowned. “I see. We were hoping to save Ruth here. King George’s men attacked her.”

Neal gave him a weak smile. “Well, there’s five of us. If we spread out and dig, surely we’ll be able to find some.”

It wasn’t fair, Emma thought as she got down on her knees and began digging in the sand. She knew the little bit she was digging for wouldn’t work, that Ruth would die either way. The little drop David found wouldn’t be enough.

“Young lady… Odette, you said your name was?” she heard Ruth say quietly.

Emma looked up from the hole she’d been digging. “Oh - um, yes, Ruth?”

“Come here, dear. Away from my son and soon to be daughter-in-law’s ears,” Ruth requested, gesturing weakly with one of her hands, and when Emma leaned close to her, she smiled softly. “If you - if you find any of the magic water, make sure Snow drinks it. Not me.”

Emma’s eyes widened. “What? But why? You’re the one who - ”

“She’s had a curse placed on her. One that will prevent her from bearing a child… and I can’t in good conscious live while she has that burden.”

Emma felt the color drain from her face. What?

“So please… promise me she will get the water. And you, of course. I do not know what burdens you, but you’re so young. You deserve to be free of your burdens too.”

Emma nodded a little, and god, she knew she shouldn’t but… David would find a small bit of water, and somehow, her mother must have been the one to drink it, not Ruth so… if Emma could pull the same trick on Ruth that Ruth had done to Mary-Margaret… it wouldn’t hurt, right? Saving her father from the pain and agony of losing his mother would only help, not hinder, right? It wouldn’t be a bad thing…

So Emma dug, and dug, and dug until she thought her hands would start to bleed, and David found the small amount, and the switch happened with the water. Ruth, of course, did not heal from her injury.

Instead, Ruth asked to watch Mary-Margaret and David get married, so Emma and Neal helped them set it up, creating bouquets and setting up an arch.

“Ruth,” Emma murmured as she handed her a completed bouquet of wildflowers. “There is something you should know.”

Ruth was already looking dazed, but she did blink in an attempt to listen. “What is it, dear?”

“Ma - Snow’s curse will be broken,” Emma replied. “I know for a fact… because I’m living proof of it.”

“What?��

Emma smiled. “My name is Emma Swan… I’m your granddaughter. I got flung back in time and Neal and I are trying to get back to our own time period but… I just wanted you to know that your sacrifice will not be in vain.”

Ruth returned the smile and reached up to pat at Emma’s cheek. “Oh… that’s so good to hear. Thank you for soothing an old woman’s heart.”

“Hey Odette! Is everything alright?” she heard Mary-Margaret call

It wasn’t alright, because she couldn’t save Ruth. She was the Savior… how could she not save her own grandmother? But she couldn’t let that slip, so she forced herself to look over at her with a smile. “Of course Snow. I was just giving Ruth her flowers.”

Standing beside her mother as she married her father was a strange sensation, but it was really making her think of all the sacrifices her family made so she (and the new baby) could come into the world. She thought about the nursery that was supposed to be hers, the unicorn mobile, being put into the wardrobe to escape Regina’s curse… and now Ruth’s sacrifice.

It made her so damn itchy to think about it, because she hadn’t exactly shown she cared.

She wanted to go home. Not to New York with Henry (and preferably Neal), but to Storybrooke. To her family.

Was this why the curse sent them here? So she could truly understand the impact of the sacrifices?

“Mother!” David suddenly said, the wedding ceremony complete and both of them looking so stupidly happy to be with each other. “We - mother?”

But it was too late.

Emma and Neal stayed back as David and Mary-Margaret rushed over to the cart, devastation on their faces - looks she’d only seen in the book after they’d sent her through the wardrobe.

Seeing it in person was worse.

“Emma - ” Neal murmured.

“I want to go home,” she whispered against his shoulder. “I want to go back to Storybrooke. I want my family - our family. I can’t believe I was so stupid to think about leaving.”

With her words, the ground suddenly opened beneath them, swallowing them into the golden light.

They landed in the barn they’d originally been sucked into. Everything in it looked the same, and Emma scrambled to her feet, hoping beyond anything that it was the same outside too. The baby’s big naming party was today, or at least, it should be.

“Baelfire! You found her, thank goodness!” she heard Hook call as they raced toward Granny’s. “They were about to send out a search party.”

“Just needed a pep talk, Hook, that’s all,” Neal said with a nervous cough.

Emma stepped inside, finding all the guests that had been invited mingling and laughing, and her parents looked up in relief.

“Mom, Dad,” she said as she threw her arms around them. It was the first time those words had left her mouth. “I’m so sorry I’m late. I just… needed to think about some things, and I realized how much you had to fight for your happy ending, and that… it includes me.”

“Mom?” Henry said, glancing up from the soda he was drinking. “Does that mean - ”

“That’s right kid… we’re staying here. We’re staying home.”

Her mother laughed in relief. “Thank goodness… you’re going to have a lot to teach your brother.”

“So what’s his name then?” Emma asked, sitting next to Henry in the booth.

Her mother smiled. “Thank you all for coming. David and I are thrilled to introduce you to our new son… Prince Derek.”

Emma exchanged a surprised glance with Neal, managing to hide her laughter in the cheers and applause from the rest of the crowd.

It seems they made an impression in the past after all.

#swanfire week 2023 #sfweek2023 #swanfire #emma swan #neal cassidy #ouat #fanfiction

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separatist-apologist · 9 months

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Can I just say that I’ve never seen anyone write Gwynriel the way that you do? It’s always Gwyn being terrified to be touched even in a platonic way by men and never that she wants it? And it’s never her being angry about what happened with Hyberns soldiers, always just her being sad and devastated-

Also- it’s always with Az walking on eggshells so he doesn’t scare her or make her uncomfortable.

and I’m not trying to say that I haven’t read great Gwynriel fics before yours, because I have- but you just seem to capture that grief isn’t always just being sad and scared. It’s also anger and frustration and self loathing.

I’ve always loved Gwynriel/Gwynriel fics but LIBTM!Gwyn is one that’s more relatable to me. I feel like she would lay with me in the rain and scream at the skies for all the awful things that have happened and that just means so much to me

Thank you for making me feel seen and heard through this series 🩵

I know I'm such a Taylor cliche but like:

I can go anywhere I want, just not home

And

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/ and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

And

You're a crisis of my faith

And

I miss who I used to be/ the tomb won't close/ stained glass windows in my mind

And

I looked around in a blood soaked gown and saw something they can't take away

And

Long story short I survived

And not to be overly personal but I just think about how I dealt with it, too. I was just angry for a long, long time and that rage bled into everything. Like I could function but there were times when I wanted to scream and rage. There was no beauty to the suffering- it was exceptionally ugly and I think there's something to be said about like. Being allowed to feel that.

With distance and time and education ive realized it's not even uncommon. What was it all for, you know? And the answer is nothing. There's no grand purpose, no greater meaning and that was hard. Writing it all out in some ways is my own love letter to the girl I was at 16. Like now you can sift through it all and see how you came out, which I never thought I would. Guiding Gwyn through that feels good. I think I'm putting too much of my past selves in these fics at time but if her pain feels real to you, it was my pain first.

I didn't expect to find any of this when writing this fic. I just missed writing a canon compliant long fic and I felt like I'd done it all with elucien. Why not try my hand you know? People have been asking me to for years.

The response though- it means so much to me. I'm glad you feel seen, too. I used to say this with RWYLM but we were never alone, this club is not exclusive and still it felt like it was at times.

And we were never alone

#Libtm means so much to me #it feels healing in a way #and @ shitty ass anon (not you OP) you can have your answer #((and eat glass while you're at it))

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fallouttboy · 5 months

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doctor who is so back bitches

oh do i have so much to say about the 60th birthday. knowing that tennant was going to hold the role for at least that episode, i was slightly terrified that his tenure 2 would be nothing more than a nostalgia run, something to grab the attention of bored long time fans, or fans of just tennant’s doctor, or or or. but it wasn’t; it felt so incredibly fresh and well written, extravagant and modern in a way that i was truly scared would not shine through.

davies is a great writer (one of my preferred, tbh) and having his ability and skill back in the show is not only incredibly evident but refreshing and comforting as much as entertaining and, well, good. he was never one to shy away from serious but he writes comedy so well too; this episode particularly reminded me of older who, the goofier matt smith episodes and of course tennant’s own. and what is this show if not just absolutely silly and camp? let the time lord laugh. he’s been through enough.

i found myself cooing, looking at my dad (my dw watching partner of ten years) and exclaiming how happy and excited i was. i haven’t done that in many years. this episode captured my attention like the whimsy of series five and six, the charisma of clara and twelve, the bonding of rose and ten, the tragedy of ten and donna. it was captivating, emotional, engaging. i felt like a child again, staring wide eyed and on the edge of her seat as the doctor ran through a futuristic space ship with his best friends in tow, narrowly avoiding death or destruction or whatever the conflict entailed.

as a queer person, this episode meant so much to me. i’ve been struggling recently with my gender and identity, really taking the “non” in non binary to heart lol. i’ve always headcanoned the doctor as transcending gender, neither male nor female nor non binary, but if we had to put a label, i’d always made them non binary. they’re not human, simply an alien, a time lord, in the physical vessel that is akin to a human. we don’t know, shouldn’t know, what biological sex the doctor is. and it shouldn’t matter. the doctor is simply the doctor.

hearing the doctor himself confirm that (i am using he/him pronouns, as that is what is used in the show) was, for lack of better words, amazing. i never thought that i would see the doctor, let alone my doctor (10, or well, 10’s face), confirm that the binary does not apply to him. the moment with the meep, the “i use the definite pronoun” “oh, i do that” moment, was tragic in the best of ways. my heart sank in the same way it did when i saw my first queer on screen kiss; that is me, i am being shown a reflection of myself. it isn’t a sinking feeling of shame. it is a sinking feeling of relief. the feeling of the world being lifted off your shoulders. the feeling sisyphus would feel as the boulder finally made it to the top of the mountain: an impossibility. but it happened. the boulder stayed.

further, the exploration of non binary within the character of rose noble, how her transness was not the highlight but was not ignored. her transness was shown as important and a special plot point, but it was not about her. it was about the binary of it all, the doctor’s lack of gender binary, time binary itself existing, well, wibbly wobbly. the doctor was brought to donna. their impossible friendship became possible. why? the power of love, of family. just as it always has been.

had donna not had rose, she would have died. had rose not been out as non binary, the likelihood of donna understanding binary (or lack thereof) as well as she did would be significantly less. if donna did not love rose, it would have been for nothing. just as if the doctor did not love donna, or humans as a whole, everything he did, everything he wants to do, none of it would even have happened. love is truly the biggest factor throughout the whole of this stupid show. family, found or by blood, runs deeper than the relationships. love. respect. bonding. saving. selflessness. humanity.

#mine #dw #w #doctor who spoilers #i’m weepy ok #doctor who

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biigiiiii · 5 months

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Hey.

I think I want to come back on here, but I’m struggling with the thought of indulging in the privilege of using escapism that I have. My white western guilt is keeping me off tumblr and I’m kinda stuck in this limbo; where the world seems bleak and any joy I find is tainted now.

I also find guilt in enjoying my favourite comfort show that I based this blog around (Stranger Things, more specifically Byler), and it is also my current hyperfixation/spin. Usually these naturally fade out over time, but they both came to an abrupt end with Noah’s and Bret’s actions last week so I’m feeling kinda lost, and I have had people berating me for spiralling which has caused multiple meltdowns.

I’m not doing good, but I feel so bad saying that because how can I complain when I have food Water electricity and a roof over my head?

But my life is completely changed in the last few weeks and I’m struggling to adjust to this new reality without my crutches, with less people to talk to, living alone… I’m just existing day by day, and with my birthday recently and seeing the stranger things play, and other family members birthdays and Christmas/new year coming up I’m feeling so much expectation to be happy, or not to be a burden.

Idk I just wanted to write that down, idk what to do. I just sit watching the news feeling like the world is closing in on me each day, and I’m alone through it all.

I’ve felt like ending it on one occasion, and that kinda scares me. I’ve never actually legitimately considered what it would be like to do that, and even just to slightly entertain the idea is terrifying.

I’ve been reading fanfiction still, which helps me feel like I’m turning the volume down and it fades in to the background, but when I come back to reality it feels like being hit by a cold wave.

I have no appetite, any food just makes me feel nauseous, and I’m losing any interest in the things that I like. Sure I had a great time in London last week watching the play, but I felt this anger the whole time knowing Matt Ross and Shawn were there, and then I felt so upset that something I had looked forward to for so long was a little bit tainted. Didn’t help that afterwards people seemed to hate it, and it just feels like there’s so much negativity in the fandom rn. Also seeing the video of David talking about byler being unlikely just was part of the tipping point for me. Why does any of this even matter when people are dying, why do my feelings even matter.

Doesn’t help that I’m sick rn but idk. I’ve been inside for the past few days and only gone out when I have to, not really talked to anyone… if anyone can help, or just talk to me, I’d appreciate that ❤️

#tw suicidal ideation

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persephoneunderground · 1 year

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i quit my job and...holy fuck.

I turned in my two-week notice to my job last week. It was long overdue--I have a four year degree and I’ve been working steadily for nearly 20 years, and they even said in the interview that I was vastly overqualified before offering me...$10.50 an hour. Which, you might notice, isn’t a fucking livable wage ANYWHERE if you’re a single adult.

I took the position because I was desperate, and because I got to work with my friends (there were four of us from my friend group there, myself included, and I even got to work with my partner, which was a total delight). The job ended up being a lot more physical than described. Like, a LOT. I wasn’t prepared for how labor intensive this work was, especially when it seemed like more of a front desk/assistant position. I adapted, though. I always do. My body suffered for it every day for the last eight months, but I got the job done, and I did it well.

And THEN I found out that my friend/co-worker made $4/hr. more than both myself and my girlfriend (despite being hired after my gf, and having equal experience to her in this field). That, combined with the physical and emotional stress of the work environment, made me melt down completely. I stopped sleeping, I stopped eating, and I cried at a moment’s notice. I felt like a bundle of nerves, and every single nerve was on fire. I got up the nerve to ask for more money, and they wouldn’t negotiate.

So...I quit. And they promptly gave my girlfriend a $2/hr raise to keep her. Which is great, and I’m happy for her. But it also made it abundantly clear that, despite their effusive praise, they didn’t give a shit about me staying on. I made the right decision by leaving.

Still, I quit without a safety net or a backup plan, or even any money in savings (mostly because my rent alone takes up two whole weekly paychecks, plus a small portion of the third--and that’s before utilities, food, personal care, etc!). And holy FUCK, I am terrified. There aren’t many jobs here with a decent pay rate, unless you’re willing to do factory work, and I have too many medical problems to handle that level of physical stress. I can’t go back. I don’t know how to go forward toward something better. I’m so scared that this time I may actually have ruined my future. I’m scared that I don’t HAVE a future.

I have an English degree that’s collecting dust. I have a lot of experience in sales and customer service and reception work, and I am so fucking tired of that life--it’s very little pay, compared to the demands of the positions, and frankly? I am sick of having to spend eight hours of my day, five days a week, being berated by total strangers for no damn reason.

I want to write. I want to make my jewelry full-time. I want to edit. I want to create. I just don’t know how I can do everything I dream of and not end up evicted.

So yeah...if you have any tips, any advice, any job leads, ANYTHING you want to share with me, I’m all ears.

Please help. I feel like I’m drowning, and I could really use a life preserver right about now.

#personal #something about my first day of unemployment falling on #may day #international workers day #is kind of funny #not in a 'ha ha' way #in an 'i want to run screaming into traffic because capitalism is hell' way

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andywinter16 · 1 year

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For Heart and Home the lion roar (Chapter one)

You know, when you die, you would probably expect nothingness, light in the darkness, heaven, hell or whatever is out there as form of afterlife. I definitively didn´t imagine that I would be met with some gigant in full armor that looks like a godforsaken dragon. Even though its impressive, not gonna lie there. But it still is terrifying, definitively not petting material.

"Soul of Shattered World, I have chosen you to serve our purpose." WHAT? Wait a minu- "You shall be the beast that guards the Chosen king and his life, the shadow that destroyes his enemies, the bringer of light to starscurged land. If you fail at your task the endless torture awaits you, soul. That is my will as mighty ruler Bahamut, one of the Six. Protector of Eos. Sovereign of Eikons." menacing aura surrounded me. Did any of those titles make any sense to me? No, not at all. I had so many questions that I needed answers for. Oh crap! My soul started burning up, if it was even possible I would be screaming like a banshee. The energy started dissolving into darkness. Fuck, how to stop it, how to stop this, panic overtaken me. Yet sweet voice spoke gently to my disappearing form, it felt like a warm breezy through spring day. " You will not be alone little one, my child will help you through your journey. Be warned, it will be difficult one without any mercy. " That was the last thing I heard when flames consumed me whole.

“Ouch, that hurt like a bitch. Wait, what the?!” I've never felt more confused than I did now. I was back in my old human body. “That is fucking great, I would like to send a complaint, that I didn't want this whatever this all is ...”

“She believes that this soul doesn´t have much of choice in this matter.” said lovely voice. I turned around so fast, that my head was little dizzy. On the hill where I was standing, a blue-white fairy was floating, snowflakes were flying around her like a veil. I may be little biased but she was absolutely gorgeous being. I stared at her in astonishment until I started to get embarrassed to stand there in silence. "What do you mean, why did you choose me of all people. This doesn´t make any sense to me! I took that path wilingly ...” I admit that I was little harsher to her than I wanted to, but everything was ... so wrong. The fairy sat down on the ground, snow covered the place where she standed. " Otheral, let her introduce, this one´s name is Shiva, messenger of gods and goddess of ice. She shall be your guide through the mother, to insure soul understands her role in this plan.” What? Okay, now I felt overwhelmed, I am speaking with real godness. People in my realm would go fucking crazy If they saw her.

“ And who is this mother you spoke of? That was the voice I heard in the darkness, correct?” I managed to say. I am still not sure what exatly they want from me, apart being some beast who protect some king. Do they mean it literal or just matter of speech?

“ Otheral is truly correct, it was mother´s voice who spoke to them. One shall call her Etro, the death incarnation and former protector of this world.”

Former protector? Don´t tell me this is some political bullshit my ass got into.

“ Otheral shall follow this one, we have a long way ahead of us. As a protector of a chosen king, she will need all the help and experience she can get on her journey.” I don´t like the sound of that. Not. at. all.

#For heart and home the lion roar #fic #first few chapters are so fucking slow #etro goddess #Eos #shiva ffxv #tired millenial isekaied into another world to fix the shit up #Please write me your opinions #I like to get critique what to get better at #No beta readers we die like Regis

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lovetrouble123 · 1 year

Text

TMNT 2012 song fic:)

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

Summary:

Brother by Gerard Way...but I’ve now connected the song to Leo and Raph<3 this is angst btw

Enjoy:)

Does anyone have the time to bring me down?

Raphael sits in his room with Chompy, the small alien turtle breathes out fire as a sign he's happy with Raphael petting him. "Sometimes Chompy, I feel like you're the only one who understands me."

And can I sleep all night long

Raphael always felt like an outcast compared to his brothers. He's the second oldest son of the Hamato family, but even with being one the oldest he feels the most hated. The tiny alien let out a mew and rubbed his head against Raphael's hand. "I wish I could skip out on patrol. We'd just stay here all night cuddling like this."

To the drums of the city rain?

His littlest brother, Michelangelo—or Mikey— was always the trouble maker even when it was on (supposed) accident. Michelangelo had a tendency to jump into trouble without even expecting it, or he would mess things up on accident which caused Raphael and his brothers to get mad at him for messing something up. He's a loud but kind soul.

Just make it up

His little brother, Donatello—or Donnie— was the brains behind everything. He always had all the answers whether it be plans, science or math. He was calm but obsessive, though he always meant well and had a kind heart. He was easy to tease over things, whether it be science, his experiments or his crush on April. Whether Donatello liked to admit it or not, he has a bit of a temper.

'Cause I'm awake all night long

"Raph, time for patrol!" His older brother called from outside Raphael’s bedroom.

"I'm not going Leo, I don't feel well." Raphael lied as he continued to stroke Chompy.

"You used that lie yesterday!" His brother continued.

"I just don't feel well. I really don't feel like going Leo." Raphael continued to lie.

"Are you just going to stay in there with Chompy?”

"Yeah. I haven't been spending enough time with him."

To the drums of the city rain

Raphael's bedroom door opened to reveal Leonardo. "We don't have all day Raph."

"I already told you Leo, I'm not going."

"As your leader I need you to follow—"

"'As your leader' my ass. Just leave me alone."

"I'm not leaving you alone Raph. The more you stall, the more danger could be going on in New York!" His brother argued.

"Fine. I'll meet you there. Does that work?" Raphael states.

Leonardo remains silent for a moment. "Fine. You have thirty minutes." With that, he shuts the door which returns the room to its quiet state.

"He's so annoying..." Raphael mutters.

And brother, if you have the chance to pick me up

Leonardo—or Leo—is the oldest of the four siblings. After their father Splinter died, Leonardo had to step up both as a leader and as a father figure. Sure Leonardo couldn't replace Splinter, but someone had to take over his missing position.

And can I sleep on your couch

Raphael got along with almost all his brothers—okay that was lie. He rarely got along with any of them. He found Leonardo too demanding. He found Michelangelo too annoying and he found Donatello too nerdy. Sure that's what made all of them function together, it was due to how different they all are from one another. But Raphael just found it annoying and bothersome.

To the pound of the ache and pain?

Prior to their fathers death, Leonardo was in a coma for three months with the possibility of dying. Raphael would never admit it, but those three months were terrifying.

Oh, in my head

Chompy let out a noise which alerted the turtle and took him out of his thoughts. "I bet you like Leo, don't you?"

Chompy let out another noise, this time more confused though. "Everyone likes Leo...but what's so great about him anyway?"

'Cause I'm awake all night long

Leonardo was a lot of things that Raphael would never admit to. As much as Raphael hated it, Leonardo made a nearly perfect leader and wouldn't imagine anyone else being leader. But he hated to think such things.

To the drums of the city rain

"I guess I better get going Chompy." Raphael says to his pet as he sets him down onto his bed. Chompy let's out a sad mew in response. "I know, I know. I don't want to go either but I don't want Leo to hate me even more than he already does." Raphael walks over and grabs his sai's which rests on his makeshift side table. He places his weapons away and looks back to Chompy, "I'll be back soon. I love you." Chompy gave another sad mew as Raphael leaves.

The lights we chase

Raphael made his way towards the abandoned subway station and followed the railroad tracks to the exit of the sewers. He and his brothers always dreamed of life on the surface, whether they were mutant turtles or human...maybe even just regular pet turtles.

The nights we steal

But he knew that reality would never come. It was nothing but a dream to them. They just wanted to be accepted in society, and when they were accepted by someone it came as a shock to the four brothers.

The things that we take to make us feel this

Raphael pushed the sewer cover aside and climbed out, he placed it over top the sewer entrance once he was out. He made his way to the nearest building, up the fire escape and onto the rooftop.

I can't go back

The moon illuminated the city, Raphael's eyes adjusted to the darkness for a moment. He then began to go from rooftop to rooftop in search of his brothers.

I don't think I will

He saw three shadowy figures off in the distance on one of the rooftops. He knew that it was his brothers. "You're late." Leonardo spoke, his eyes looking at the city street below.

"Well you never gave me any idea where you'd be." Raphael admits.

"That's why you should have come with us."

I won't sleep tonight as long as I still

Raphael crossed his arms. "Well I'm here now aren't I?"

"That's not the point Raph. The point is I asked you to come with us and you refused. If I ask you to do something I expect you to do as your leader." Leonardo explains.

Hear the drums of the city rain

"Calm down Leo, Raph isn't that late anyway." Michelangelo says to his older brother as he plays on his T-phone.

"Leo, since when have you gotten so demanding?" Donatello asks curiously.

Everyone had noticed Leonardo's change in personality over the year. Maybe Leonardo was stressed, I mean he did go through a lot this past year. But so did all the other brothers.

Does anyone have the guts to shut me up?

"I just have a lot going on. That's all." Leonardo says.

"Like what? Going rogue again?" Raphael smirks.

"I'm not going rogue again Raph." Leonardo says as he looks to his younger brother.

"I've seen you sneaking off again. You look more tired and on top of that the past few patrols you've ended really early and you're in a rush...why is that?" Raphael continued on.

"I've just been ending patrol early because there's nothing going on. Nothing special." Leonardo states.

"That's a lie. Are you hoping Karai will come back or something?" Raphael continued to push.

"Shut up Raph, you don't know anything!" Leonardo demands.

'Cause I believe that every night

"Isn't it obvious that he's lying?" Raphael asks, looking at Michelangelo and Donatello.

"Don't drag us into this Raph." Donatello says.

"Who's lying?" Michelangelo hums, his eyes still on the T-phone.

There's a chance we can walk away

"I'm surprised that you aren't making your own problems for us to solve! I mean, it's been months with no fighting or anything. Don't you guys think it's time we move on? April and Casey have." Raphael admits.

"Crime won't stop for anyone." Leonardo says as he returns his attention back to the city.

"You guys have to agree with me on this! I can't be alone on this!" Raphael exclaims glancing at his younger brothers again.

So hold on tight

"Well Raph does have a point Leo. We haven't had any actual action in months." Donatello tells Leonardo.

"Yeah, yeah...whatever Dee said." Michelangelo mutters, clearly disinterested.

Because I won't wait too long

"I'm getting tired of sitting around and doing nothing. We don't need this team anymore. We don't need any of this! New York is safe now. There's no more alien invasions, no more world almost ending—nothing! Don't you guys think it's time to disband?" Raphael suggests.

"There will be no disbanding or anything. Splinter wouldn't want us to do—" Leonardo tries to say but Raphael speaks over him.

"Splinter is dead." Raphael states.

In the drums of the beating rain

"That may be so but Splinter wouldn't want us to stop protecting New York. He'd be disappointed." Leonardo explains.

Suddenly, thunder was heard.

"You don't want to disappoint daddy dearest? Well guess what Leo, he's dead." Raphael replies.

'Cause the nights don't last

"No, Splinter is still here. I talk to him often." Leonardo justifies.

"Yeah you talk to him up here." Raphael says pointing to his head. "You're so stressed that you're going crazy." Raphael approaches Leonardo.

"Splinter is dead, and you need to accept that." He says placing a hand on his brothers shoulder.

And we leave alone

Leonardo shifts so that Raphael is no longer touching him. "I would rather want to be crazy. I mean..." Leonardo looks to Raphael.

Will you drive me back?

"Weren't you on the rooftop when Splinter died?"

Can you take me home?

"Why did you put your guard down and think Shredder wouldn't kill him?"

The lights we chase

It was now raining.

"No, no! My game! I can't see my screen!" Michelangelo exclaims in a slight panic.

The nights we steal

Raphael was in stunned silence.

Donatello was in stunned silence.

Leonardo stood there fuming, a slight smirk on his face.

The things that we take

It was like Leonardo knew that would make Raphael go quiet. He had used his trauma against him.

To make us feel this

Raphael shut down for a moment. He was recalling the memory. It was something he wished he could forget.

I can't go back

He tried to suppress the memory.

I don't think I will

He tried to act like Splinter never died and it was all a bad dream.

I won't sleep tonight as long as I still

He could have prevented his death. Both he and April could have prevented Splinter's—his fathers—death.

Hear the drums of the city rain

"Leo...I think you went to far." Donatello suddenly says.

"Raph is able to go to far all the time! How is me doing it any different?!" Leonardo exclaims as he looks over at Donatello.

"Raph and April couldn't have known Shredder was going to kill him." Donatello tried to reason.

"It was Shredder! They should have known better!"

Faces I don't know

Raphael was starting to dissociate.

I am tired in the glow

He hadn't heard the rain or the thunder.

Of the freezing club

He hadn't heard his brothers arguing.

Keep me breathing

Raphael suddenly began to hyperventilate a bit. Raphael had come back to reality now.

Don't make the lights come back

"Raph, calm down! It's okay! Splinter's death wasn't your fault!" Donatello assured as he approached Raphael.

Leonardo stood there watching with a stoic look.

Can you take me home?

Donatello reached a hand out to his brother but Raphael continued to back away. Donatello took that as a sign he didn't want to be touched.

Raphael suddenly turned away from his brothers and ran off.

We all need this

Raphael ran through the rain as fast as he could. It was his fault Splinter died. It was his fault he didn't try and do anything.

When we leave alone

Raphael eventually made it back to the sewer cover he emerged from earlier that night. He took the cover off and jumped down, leaving the cover open in his frantic state of mind. He followed the railroad tracks again all the way back to the lair.

When he arrived, he ran to his room and saw Chompy asleep on his bed, curled up where he had left him. The sudden noise had awoken the space turtle though, and he looked up to Raphael with hazy eyes. Raphael slammed the door and locked it behind him. He tossed his weapons aside as it hit the floor. He let out a frustrated grunt and punched the wall, it didn't do any damage. But it did do damage to his hand. Raphael grunted in pain as Chompy stared at him with a confused and concerned look.

"Don't worry Chompy, Leo and I just got into another fight." He walked over to Chompy and patted him on the head before going to his make shift table. He pulled out a drawer in search for bandages, which he did find but he also found something else.

A picture of him and Leonardo when they were very young.

Remember when you and I would make things up?

The picture consisted of Leonardo sitting on the floor of the dojo, he had tears in his eyes with a hurt expression; on his knee was a large gash. Raphael couldn't recall how exactly his brother got the injury. Raphael in the picture was crouched beside his brother, a blue bandaid in his hand ready to place the bandaid on the injury.

So many nights, just take me down

Raphael stared at the picture in silence.

To the place we can hear them play

Suddenly he was flooded with all the memories of his younger years, before he and Leonardo 'hated' each other. The memories were like a waterfall. Raphael continued to stay quiet though.

I miss that sound

He missed the time before he learned what jealousy was.

Before he knew why he suddenly had this resentment towards his brother.

Someone he used to love so much.

'Cause now we don't sing so loud

Now he understood that resentment.

He had grown jealous of his older brother.

He was always his fathers favorite.

To the drums of the city rain

He was brought out his thoughts by Chompy nudging him with his head. Raphael jumped slightly and looked to Chompy who let out a confused and concerned mew. It was as if Chompy was asking what Raphael was looking at.

The lights we chase

"A picture of me and Leo." He said to his small friend as he showed the picture to him. "When me and him got along."

The nights we steal

Raphael then let out a small laugh, "heh...hard to believe we ever got along right?" Chompy let out small happy sounding mew. "Yeah...I guess it's good to know we didn't always hate each other."

The things that we take

A knock was heard on Raphael's bedroom door suddenly. Raphael quickly put the picture away and took out the bandages he originally was searching for. He shut the drawer and sat back on his bed.

To make us feel this

"Raph?"

It was Leonardo.

"Can we talk?"

Raphael remained silent.

"Please?"

Raphael huffed.

I can't go back

"I'll just come in if you don't answer me."

Raphael rolled his eyes. The last person—or I guess turtle—he wanted to talk to was Leonardo.

"Fine. I'm coming in."

The doorknob jingled for a moment.

"You locked it?"

Raphael finally spoke up, "yeah, so what?"

"Can you unlock it?"

"Why?" Raphael asked as he began to wrap up his wound.

I don't think I will

"If you don't open the door...I guess I'll just say it out here." Leonardo states.

"I don't want to hear your sorry excuse for an apology." Raphael growls. "What you said was on purpose, to get back me for being myself."

"I..." Leonardo trails off.

I won't sleep tonight as long as I still

"I...Raphael...I'm sorry...I-I really am." Leonardo mutters out, just loud enough for it to go through the door and for Raphael to hear it.

Raphael perked up, not in the mood way but in the way his older brother used his real name.

"What I said...was wrong...really wrong, and I'm sorry."

Hear the drums of the city rain

Raphael finished wrapping up his wound. He set the extra bandages on the bed beside him.

"At the time I didn't realize what I had said. I-I was just caught up in the moment." Leonardo continued as Raphael got off his bed and walked over to his door.

He unlocked the door and opened it.

Leonardo stood there looking down at the floor. He slowly raised his head and met Raphael's green eyes.

"What happen to your hand?" Leonardo quickly asks, pointing to the injury.

"Nothing." Raphael replies.

"I'm surprised you opened the door." Leonardo admits as he puts his hand down by his side. "I thought you'd ignore me the whole time until I left."

Like strangers laugh

Maybe this was the moment Raphael could make things right. He could love his brother again. They could start over.

And like subways feel

"Well I...I've thought about it." Raphael starts. "I think...god this is going to sound nothing like me but...I thought we could...start over?"

Things I'm trying to break

Leonardo stood there in stunned silence. "'Start over'?" He asked softly as Raphael nods.

"I realized that with Splinter dead there's no reason to hold my jealousy towards you...so, can we...maybe...start over?"

Oh, just wait until this is all we have to keep us ill

"Who are you and what did you do with Raph?" Leonardo jokes.

Raphael shakes his head, "there's no joke. I...I want to change; as out of character as that is for me. So...do you accept my request?"

I won't breathe tonight as long as I still

Leonardo stays silent and stares at Raphael with a blank and unreadable expression.

Raphael stood there nervously, what if he says no?

Hear the drums of the city rain

"Sure Raph." Leonardo smiles, "that sounds great."

Raphael smiles softly and looks down.

"But I don't expect you to suddenly change over night, so I'll call you out when you do anything negative, does that sound good?" Leonardo asks.

Raphael nods, "yeah...sounds great." Raphael then looks back up, "alright get out of here. Your goodness is starting to rub off on me." Raphael growls slightly as he begins shooing off his older brother.

Leonardo takes a step back, "of course. See ya Raph." Leonardo then takes his leave.

This left Raphael with a moment of bliss.

He was happy with the outcome.

Maybe now he can learn to 'love' his brother again.

He says 'love' but he truly did love his brother even when they got into arguments like that.

He would always love Leonardo.

Oh wow uh impulse post after not posting on tumblr since 2017? Lol

#Spotify #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt donnie #teenage mutant ninja turtle imagine #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt mikey #tmnt raphael #tmnt leonardo

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shyarowana · 2 years

Text

The Last Braid

(Tag: Izzy Hands gentle angst over Blackbonnet) [viewable on AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/39021774]

***

“So you’re the new first mate.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a fact, an order, and - considering this was the legendary Captain Blackbeard - a threat.

"I am," Israel Hands said. He sat on one of two barrels he fancied as chairs in his new quarters, and they were the only pieces of furniture he owned beside a ratty, rope hammock in his sleeping nook. He was rather proud he had a room at all let alone one with three pieces of furniture.

"Interesting..." Blackbeard leaned in the doorway, the hall's lamplight casting against him an unearthly halo. The whites of his eyes seemed unnaturally bright, and the pair of gray streaks in his beard extended like bewitched tentacles.

"Is it?" Israel shot back, sitting a little taller on the barrel, though it would not add much to his height. Still, he would not let this captain think he was intimidated. He was not. He knew how to set fear aside for later. Now was not the time.

The trick was to not blink. A single blink could conjure a broken nose. A wavering gaze may result in a knife in the gut. Israel knew both of these lessons too well.

He took a breath. He took two. He'd be terrified later.

“Right..." Blackbeard rubbed the back of his neck. "What’s your name again?”

“Israel Hands,” Israel declared, defiantly.

Blackbeard snorted. “Israel Hands? Nah, mate, that's too serious. Let’s make it Izzy. Izzy's better right? Yeah...you're an Izzy.”

Israel...blinked. “Captain, I'm not sure-”

“Call me Ed,” the captain said, walking fully into Israel’s quarters with a quirky grin that made Israel's blood run cold from a severe lack of fear.

Absolutely not, Israel thought, physically swallowing the words back.

“Captain, I’m not sure 'Izzy' fits me.”

He hadn’t heard that name since he left home, long before he could grow a beard of his own. Even now he could hear his mother shouting from her forge, hammer striking against metal on that ancient anvil. "Izzy, ya got no mind for smithin', no mind for artistry. No strength. No finesse. What use are ya to this family? What good are ya, Izzy?"

“It does, and I like Izzy," Blackbeard decided. "Alright, Izzy, I have a job for you.”

There was no arguing this. And Izzy couldn't help but wish he could trap the words "I like Izzy" in a conch shell and listen to them in the wee hours of the night.

"What will you have me do, Captain?"

As he asked this he quickly realized this would be the first of many incendiary plans of Blackbeard's that Izzy would have to douse.

For there was a mad glint in the captain's eye, and the slow, toothy grin surfaced from his dark beard like a great white shark breaching midnight waters.

Captain Blackbeard told Izzy Hands the plan.

The whole plan.

And Izzy...blinked again.

Despite Izzy's failure at being a blacksmith's apprentice, the lessons his mother tried to teach him still followed him to this day. “The hammer must never strike blind. Some dents cannot be unmade.”

Leaving home was a dent he never wished to repair, but he refused to strike blind if it risked his captain's stellar reputation.

And soaking his new captain’s beard in lamp oil and setting it ablaze felt like a blind strike.

“It’ll be brilliant! Trust me,” Blackbeard said. "This merchant ship won't know what hit 'em! Well, they'll know it's me. Otherwise what's the point? They'll be like 'Ohh, mate, look at that! That's Blackbeard! We're fucked, I've gone and soiled myself.' And the other guy will be like 'Oi, he's got fire in his beard. Now I've soiled myself too.' And a third guy will be like 'Me as well! Ach, such a fright he gave me.' The whole crew, nothin but soiled drawers, because: Fire Beard."

“May I suggest,” Izzy said, carefully, “short fuses and a sprinkle of gunpowder? It should create a controlled explosive result, smolder steadily, and won't light your whole bloody face on fire.”

A long pause wafted off of Blackbeard like a cold breeze. He took several steps into Izzy's room and loomed easily over the new first mate.

Don't blink, Izzy thought, his eyes starting to sting. Show him you are fearless. Show him-

The sudden guffaw was as explosive as cannon fire. Izzy stiffened as Blackbeard slapped him on the shoulder. "That's fuckin' genius. I love it, Izzy. I'm glad Fang found us a creative type for some proper fuckery. Can't believe I was gonna light my face on fire. Your idea is way better."

Izzy cracked a small smile. "Creative, sir?"

Never had Izzy Hands been accused of such a thing. Not until now. Perhaps, the moniker Izzy would suit him just fine.

"That's what I needed on my crew. An artist in fuckery. That's you Izzy. You're gonna do alright here."

Izzy watched Blackbeard drag the other barrel in front of him and straddle it, sitting closer to Izzy than any man before him. The scent of leather and sweat, threaded with faint lavender, made Izzy's breath hitch and he coughed only so he wouldn't gasp.

It was idiotic to be this nervous. Fear felt more comfortable than this. He should be afraid of his captain. It would keep him sharp. But this...unease at those expressive dark eyes staring unblinkingly at him made his head spin.

"Better hop to it, Izzy. We got a merchant ship to scare shitless."

"Of course, sir."

"Ed," Blackbeard insisted.

"Captain," Izzy corrected, opening up his munitions cache to procure the needed theatrical props.

He gathered a few locks of Blackbeard's beard in his hands, his fingers tangling themselves clumsily at first as he fought to separate the tendrils into manageable braids. From this close he could smell beard oil scented like freshly cut lumber and soil dampened by rainfall. He imagined the captain massaging the oil into his beard every morning, stroking the bolts of gray hair, curling the thick locks around his calloused fingers, gathering it all up in his hands as if fluffing a pillow full of goose down. The freshly oiled beard would glisten in the morning light shining through the portholes and...

“Izzy,” the captain's voice was soft. Jarringly so. Softer than it had any right to be.

Izzy froze, three locks of beard hair in his hand, and a long fuse in the other. He hadn't realized his fingers were shaking.

“Ya gotta relax, mate. It's just a merchant vessel. We'll cut through 'em like sharp knives through soft Dutch bodies. I think they're Dutch. Probably...You're gonna do great.”

This would be the only time Izzy Hands lied to his captain: "Yes, I am nervous about that. You are right. Thank you, captain."

What else would he say? That the touch of his captain's beard would linger on his fingers for the rest of the day? That the aroma of that earthen beard oil would haunt his dreams? That his captain had repaired the damage inflicted on his childhood nickname with a few effortless words?

Izzy forced his posture to relax, his deft fingers braiding long fuses into Blackbeard's mane. He coated the tips with a little gunpowder and shaped the tendrils upwards like candle wicks. All the while he could feel those unblinking eyes gaze down at Izzy.

And Izzy wanted to look up.

But nothing would be more mortifying than drowning in such a gaze, to be sucked into the undertow of his increasingly compromised heart.

He wanted this position as first mate more than he had ever wanted anything in his life.

This meant looking up at that gaze was not an option.

This meant tending to his formal duties was his only option.

Many years later, someone - that fuckin' twat - would describe Edward’s beard as “as soft as the finest cashmere”. It's meaning was unknown to a blacksmith's son, but whatever it meant, it was the wrong description. Blackbeard's hair was as dark as hungry coal in a cold hearth, waiting to be quenched by hellfire and bend the mightiest steel to its will. Yes, it was soft, but it was best comparable to a foal’s mane not yet ruined by harsh weather and a life of brutish labor.

Izzy dared to long for a brush. His kingdom for a comb. How sweetly the ivory teeth would sink to this beard like a mermaid disappearing beneath the surf.

“You’re good at this.” Blackbeard said, in that maddening tone too gentle, too non-violent.

“I’ve had practice,” is all Izzy would offer. He could have said he used to braid the leather wrappings of his mother's sword hilts and braid the tail of his family's work horses. He could have said he tried to meet the lofty expectations of a creative family and was a constant disappointment up until he left. But no one needs to know such details of his life.

They didn’t matter.

He was creative here.

He was a genius here.

Blackbeard deemed it so.

Blackbeard laughed suddenly. “Wouldn’t it be wild if you added a few silk ribbons to the beard too? Just a couple. Purple and black. Y’know, for a joke!”

Izzy paused, actually considering the adornments.

“No. No, you would look ridiculous. It'd tarnish the legend you are building for yourself. No one would want to see the great Blackbeard in namby pamby ribbons.”

Blackbeard didn't respond. It was puzzling how long that deafening pause was. What caught the captain's tongue? Yet, before Izzy could meet that dreaded gaze, Blackbeard huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, fuckin’ stupid. I was just joking. I don't even like silk.”

Izzy wouldn't recognize the lie until years later...

...until a lifetime later.

Not until Izzy Hands found Stede Fucking Bonnet braiding silken ribbons the color of fresh bruises into Blackbeard’s mane. They were sitting on barrels on the bloody deck of all places. In plain sight. Where everyone could see the captain - his captain - gaze glassy-eyed and moony over that twat.

“Your hair is quite perfect for ribbons like these," Stede hummed. "I’d imagine the salty sea would fray your beard beyond repair but…Oh! Is that Barnacle Bill’s Beard Oil? It has a wonderful scent.”

“Yeah? You don't think it's too...namby pamby, me being the great Blackbeard and all.”

Izzy Hands felt that single lie from decades ago finally skewer him in the heart: "I was just joking. I don't even like silk."

Izzy wanted to be angry at Stede for infecting Blackbeard with these notions of fancy ribbons and honeyed words. He wanted to be angry at Blackbeard for lying to him that day all those years ago.

But really he was angry at himself...for not looking up at those large, expressive eyes when he had the chance. Long lashes that perhaps would have fluttered just for Izzy had he been brave enough.

In the end, Blackbeard drifted away from him, lulled by a siren in a satin overcoat, leaving Izzy's heart marooned, strangled by a purple satin ribbon.

He took solace in knowing it was he who braided Captain Blackbeard's beard first. No one else. Just Izzy Hands, with genius ideas and skilled fingers.

No one could take that away from him.

Not even the fact that it didn't matter who braided it first.

It only mattered who was the last.

#ofmd #izzy hands #blackbeard #israel hands #our flag means death #blackbonnet

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