I don’t think people understand how difficult it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t even understand it yourself..
It seems as if my pain will last for eternity.
I’m tired of pretending to be happy.
I’m tired of acting like everything’s alright.
I can spend the entire day with you and I would still miss you the moment you leave.
I so love you
She was not scared of people leaving her, anymore, but she gets petrified when they stay.
~From my diary~
Dear mom & dad,
Let me be alone for once. Please! I begged you. I was begging, crying for months to be understood for once but instead you people made me feel as if there’s something wrong with me because you can never be wrong, right? I kept crying daily for months, I cried till no tears were left in my eyes to shed, till I became numb. I don’t even feel anything anymore. Stop bugging me all the time and don’t even try to show me your fake love and care because now I’m not that fool, that stupid child of yours who would believe in all your lies and try to do everything possible to make you people happy which included paying money for you people when it was never my responsibility as a little kid to provide for the family. You took advantage of my kindness, my foolishness. You people took advantage of my love for you & me being an overly emotional idiot. I sincerely beg of you to let me be alone and figure myself and my life out. Let me have my alone time. I’ll fucking die of this depression and anxiety and you people are adding much more to it. I feel like I should kill myself already. Maybe it’ll make you happy. Now, I don’t have the patience and strength to deal with your negativity & abusive behavior anymore. Keep insulting and humiliating me in front of others and labelling me as an unfilial kid when all I did was I simply refused to be a fool anymore. I wanted to be the best kid to make you people proud of me but, as the saying goes “There is no end to greed”, you people can never be content, nothing can ever make you happy, especially you dad. I don’t even want to prove myself to be good anymore. I’m tired. I’m trying to be happy with however I am. I too want myself to be happy like everyone else out there. I don’t have the energy to deal with your double standards and acts of being concerned about me. Keep on treating your favourite kid better like you always do and keep making me feel like trash. Do whatever you want. I don’t even care anymore. Just leave me. Please!
- Your most hatred child.
to some i’ve been roses
to some i have been daisies
— and i’m not sure who i am actually
note to self:
love is a terrible thing, my love. at first, you’ll want someone. crave for them. so much that you’ll be willing to do anything. you’ll have your good moments. the ones that will make you feel alive but when it’s all over, you are destroyed.
It’s been a while. And I suck at taking good pics of myself:/
When will all this pain end??
Silence is a wall I construct…a second, third, fourth fortress…a self-preservation that mausoleums existence, a heavy door that warns the fate of trespass… …Silence is a noose I fray in repetitive motion…thread after thread I unfetter the bind…left as a trail of recognition, in the wake of losing my way within my head… …Silence is an undead language incapable of translation, yet I communicate it in the unconscious hours…I mete, I defeat, I am not spared…a voiceless canvas, my mouth fleshed-over, all I want to say is inescapable… …I write streams of ink in bleu and noir, I unleash the beast bewitched by the moons of my hands…and like the new phase, eclipse and devoid, the words I’d written vanish, leaving a stark contrast to the tomb exhumed… …a second sight gives new life…the secrets I write…they are shining trinkets that speak to the crows…somewhere, in a corner of another city in an untouched land, a crow caws, clicks, and purrs my truths to passerby’s who hear clashing tones of melancholy and hunger…an indecipherable juxtaposition, a flesh-made conundrum…my secrets breathe… …the abandonment, it doesn’t hurt me…the loss of hope’s ambition, doesn’t scar me…the initial lie…that reach, invited of its own accord, that’s what killed me… …and ever since, the crows have been burying me, screaming me to open graves, making a pauper of me…unclaimed…the earth absorbs the unsightly decomposition and fuels the unease of my heart, stirring my hands to toil at the invisible, the incomprehensible rite of lone…
Juniper Francis Lee
The story of how it all ended.
So there is this boy who once was considered excellent in every way. He was so proud and that led to him being arrogant about his success and achievements. He thought he never needed to work hard because he was capable of everything without any struggle. But he was proved wrong. He failed. He failed really hard. He experienced reality. But now all his hopes were gone, his dreams shattered. He hated himself, he cried for months without fail, he was depressed. After months of crying, not even a single tear came when he cried. He was completely broken and shattered.
He started to think about how all of this started. How this boy who was considered the best by everyone and who always considered himself to be the best was now no longer even being able to be called average.
8 years ago..
He was considered the best child of his class. He was the best among his group of friends. He was equally good at studies, sports and other activities. He was one of the children who can be termed perfect. But this unknowingly started making him proud. He started thinking no one could beat him in anything and if he tried enough h would be the best in everything. But….
To be continued..
You don’t deserve to be half loved… You should not be questioning your importance in someone’s life…
I feel something is wrong with me.Why can’t I do something right even once.
HSGFHDFSH my all time fav tattoo artist is coming to my city and she’s so popular and talented and I MANAGED TO SNATCH AN APPOINTMENT, the day before my 25th like OMAFUCKING GOD I’M FUCKING DEAD, holy shit I’M SO STOKED AHHHHHHHH