linaonherwaytofindherself

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

Mint Chocolate

✱ Pairing: Hongjoong x reader

✱ Genre: fluff, established relationship, gn!reader, artist!Hongjoong, non idol!Hongjoong

✱ Warnings: slightly suggestive but otherwise no warnings to be applied

✱ Words: 912

✱ Summary: Hongjoong hates mint chocolate ice cream, and you love it. Hongjoong adores you, and you live to annoy him.

There were a few simple pleasures you adored — picnic dates in the city park, warm and sunny days, and mint chocolate ice cream. Oh, and annoying your boyfriend. Yeah, you loved to do that.

You brought the cone up up to your lips, tongue extending out to lick a stripe over the mound of quickly melting ice cream. You hummed in enjoyment just before laughing to yourself at the exasperated sigh of your lover.

Hongjoong sat to the left of you, legs crossed under him as he sat atop the blanket you’d brought for this picnic. His eyes never left the small sketchbook in his lap, hand continuing to draw over the blank page. “Who knew someone could be so loud when eating ice cream.”

You giggled. “What? I’m enjoying it.”

His eyes shot to you for just a second before going back to his sketch, but you didn’t miss the way they rolled. “How could you possibly enjoy that? Mint chocolate is disgusting.”

You gasped, feigning hurt. “You take that back! Mint chocolate is the best!” You took a hardy bite out of the scoop and crunched on the rich chocolate chunks.

Hongjoong stuck out his tongue at you. “Might as well just eat toothpaste,” he said with a scrunch of his nose.

You rolled your eyes while you licked away at the cool cream. You swished the melting cream within your mouth just before leaning over into your boyfriend’s space, smacking your lips. You took another lick, placing the cone next to his face. “Mmh, this toothpaste sure is delicious!”

He leaned away from you, pencil dropping from his fingers and landing on his sketchbook. He laughed while his now free hand swatted at you playfully, though there was a genuine expression of disgust that flashed across his face. “Quit that!”

You laughed as you backed away. You reclined, resting your weight on your hand that wasn’t currently holding a melty ice cream cone, and looked around at the serene park surrounding you. The two of you fell into a comfortable silence. Hongjoong’s creativity continued to manifest on his page, while you savored your minty treat and relished in the warmth of the day.

The city park was always so pretty this time of year with the blossoming trees that have come back to life after a long winter, standing as a stark contrast to the concrete buildings that towered just beyond them. People, much like you, were out in the park to soak up the sunlight. It was all so serene, and you understood why Hongjoong loved to come here. It was an artist’s daydream.

You gazed over at him to watch him as he drew, eyes peaking over his busy hand to see what he was creating. By now he had filled much of the originally blank page with what looked like to be sketches of the tree line. He’d captured the soft, lushness of the trees as well as the harsh and sharp jungle of concrete behind them. You smiled.

Cold wetness was suddenly all over your hand, and you gasped when you saw that the ice cream had begun to leak all over you, turning into a sticky mess. You quickly brought it to your lips to lick away the mess, sucking and slurping to get up all the excess ice cream. You didn’t even register that you were being watched until you heard a chuckle.

Hongjoong’s eyes were fond and maybe even held a glimmer of something else, but the look of hatred for the cone in your hand was ever present. “I’m pretty sure the whole park can hear your slurping on that cone, love.”

You smiled sheepishly. “It was melting.”

“Well hurry up and finish it, will you?”

You held it out to him, inviting him to taste some. “I want you to have a bite.”

Hongjoong gave you an odd look. “Absolutely not.”

You poked out your bottom lip. “Please! Do it for me? I promise I’ll stop bothering you if you do.”

He hummed, finger tapping at his chin like he was mulling it over. “Promise?”

You nodded enthusiastically. Was he actually going to have some? You offered him your cone as he moved in closer, but when he leaned in passed it, you opened your mouth to question him only for the words to get stuck in your throat.

His lips pressed into yours, effectively silencing you. Hongjoong kissed you through your shock until he felt you relax, your body becoming pliant under his touch. He grinned against you when you returned his kiss with fervor, hand sliding up to cradle your jaw.

You moaned when his tongue slipped into your mouth. You allowed him to taste you, to feel every inch his tongue wanted to explore. You didn’t even care about being in public, too caught up in him and his lips and his touch. You weren’t expecting him to kiss you, especially not like this. His lips on yours always made you feel hazy and warm, and your brain ceased to function fully when he had you this way.

Hongjoong broke the kiss and took the time to look over your face to enjoy the dazed gleam in your eyes. He grinned, tongue darting out to lap up the lingering hint of mint. “There, I tried some. Happy?”

You nodded slowly, barely processing what had just happened. Your ice cream cone sat melted and forgotten in your grasp.

A/N: I rarely write fluff I feel so out of practice</3

Tag list: @abiaswreck @admiringyeosang @ateezourstars @bangtancultsposts @captainjoongiekissme @couchpotatoaniki @hongshines @hwas-strawberries @hyuckilstan @jeongyunhoed @jess-1404 @jhluvr @kazumiisama @llsiriusminorisll @msindi1214 @mypreciouskhj @rose-lynn-20 @ruwaidahmulla @siham21 @sirwaddlefuck @spiderlilyfics @tohokuu @yunyunatz

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

back to you (part 10)

word count: 15k

angst, fluff, smut

(part 9) (series masterlist)

you weren’t suspicious until the fourth unanswered text message.

the feeling of anxiety and doubt that had finally left you for the past few weeks coming back with a vengeance as you settled back into life on campus. 

you, san, wooyoung and yeosang had gotten back on sunday evening, stopping to get a quick dinner together before you all made your way to the dorms. 

you and san had parted ways in a completely normal fashion, or at least what was your new normal - him flashing you a dimply smile with his hand on your waist, eyes teasingly looking down at your lips before just barely brushing them. 

wooyoung and yeosang lingered in the hall, not wanting to see the sight before them but letting it happen. almost as if they knew it was fleeting. 

almost as if they knew when he mumbled that he’d “see you later,” you wouldn’t see him ever again.

Keep reading

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

It feels like filth dripping from my lips when it wasn’t my wish. My will became his, now silence tethers to my hips in reminders of when he'd tell me not to say anything, to shhhh. He'd keep my mouth closed while opening my legs to his control, now emptiness slinks down my waist, covering the parts of me I now miss. I feel owned, in a body whose design is expected to please, it’s crazy to me, how another person can take someone’s home and make it a place of real estate to be owned; as if the body that outlines their own humanity was meant to be claimed. Only here for others and obligations that disdain.

I’m a woman, but I’m told I’m only here for men.

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

I just feel empty.

Not especially drained

Not sad nor happy

I just feel nothing

There's this voice in the back of my head

Telling me I'm nothing

I'm a failure

I'm not prepared for life

Pressuring me to be perfect

That I could do better

But it doesn't matter

At least right now

Right now I just feel numb

Thinking about how nobody cares

That we're all dying sooner or later

And that noone is gonna remember you

You would for sure expect the line

'So fuck it'

For now I don't give a fuck

But not how you imagine it

I do give a fuck when I'm around people

I tend to overthink

To overanalyze

And to care too much

But when I'm alone I still feel like I'm a failure

The only thing that changes is just

That I give zero fucks about it

In the sense that it will never change

#dear diary

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

I feel like this whole last week was a damn rollercoaster ride

But I can't anymore, it was too much

I was too happy, I was too sad

Too carefree and too worried

I laughed a lot, but also cried a lot

Why is my life like that?

Why am I so damn sensitive?

But why does it feel so addicting?

Why don't I want it to stop?

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

I am so fucking afraid of making mistakes, even in front of people I'm comfortable with.

I'm pretending to be okay even though I'm not. I'm on the verge of crying and having breakdowns. My selfdoubts are fucking my mental health and I feel like I'm not worth it. Everyones laughing about me and talking behind my back, at least in my head. But I don't want to reach out for help, because they think it may be for attention.

I'm afraid of disapointing people

I'm just afraid of not being enough

#dear diary

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

Can you even imagine how much effort I put into this?? Being this confident??

I cried, I screamed, I suffered.

I was doubting myself

I was calling myself ugly

I thought I wasn't worth anything.

I thought I wouldn't be successful.

And then I thought that it shouldn't be like that.

I should be more confident or I will never live the way I want

But getting there was hard.

It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions

There were many ups but also many downs

It took time, which is hard for an impacient person

I still am not there and I'm still trying

But you calling me insecure threw me off competely. I had my first mental breakdown that night, my first for at least a year.

I know you didn't and still don't know this but it's true

I'm not mad or anything but I think about this a lot.

Did I even improve? Is it even worth it?

I started doubting again

You saying this was like a punch in the face.

I know you didn't mean to but you actually confirmed that I didn't improve as much as I wanted. I did not achieve my goal.

I failed

#dear diary

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

There are moments when I feel lost.

I feel empty but churned up;

I feel nothing but then everything;

It's like playing hide and seek

but I'm the one looking for myself;

Trying to reach but not being reachable.

#lost #churned #nothing #everything #hide and seek #myself #poetry #poem #thoughts

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

Sometimes I feel like I am darkness surrounded by light.

The Yin within the Yang;

The misfit within the fits;

The anomaly;

The one who should not exist

#Yin #Yang #yin and yang #anomaly #different #misfits #darkness #light #contrast #poem #thoughts

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

I once had friends

I thought I was important to them

But I wasn't

They didn't even notice

How much they hurt me

I felt intimidated and powerless

I was afraid to be myself

I was afraid that they would jugde me

I had no other friends

Until one day

They came into my life

And I felt like

I finally found

What I was looking for

They were open minded

They wouldn't jugde me

For being myself

I felt comfortable

I felt needed

They were just vibin

With me

They wouldn't ask me

Just because I was the last option

But because I was their friend

My old friends now envy me

That I'm finding myself more everyday

They now like my style

Which I thought they would jugde me for

They congatulate me for being in peace now

And they understand why

I wasn't happy being with them

I will always be thankful

My first friends went with me

Through adolescence

My friends now will lead me to adulthood

#friends #friendship #old #new #love #comfortable #real #growing #authentic #poem #thoughts #changes

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

You can hear us growl

You can feel the adrenalin

You can see the sparkle in our eyes,

They're unfocused

Our breath becomes deeper

Our eyes roll back

We can't control it,

We don't want to

We're in ecstasy

We're possessed

Lust is in conrol,

We can't win

Everything is intense

We're dazed,

We've never been more focused

We never want this to end

We're alive

Our true self

It won't restrain

We're mad like crazy

#madness #crazy #savage #wild #ecstasy #deep #human #feels #authentic #adrenaline #passion #thoughts #poem

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

Periodt

stop shaming people for being passionate about the things that they love. stop mocking people for having unusual interests. like, honestly, i'm so tired of feeling embarrassed for being "too much". if being too much means having deep interests that fill my life with romanticism and excitement, then let me be!!! i'd much rather listen to anyone ranting about their latest obsession with 16th century swords than have a boring ordinary conversation with those who shame passionate people

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

I'm feeling.

I'm sad,

I'm tired,

I'm empty,

I'm exhausted.

I'm happy,

I'm thankful,

I'm cheerful,

I'm optimistic.

I'm angry,

I'm powerless,

I'm useless,

I'm furious.

I'm goin' crazy

#confused #done #thoughts #crazy #frustrated #tired #happy #angry #sad #feelings

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

She's the one you love the most

But also the one you hate the most.

She was always so nice and sweet,

But not just to you,

To everyone.

You did not see the jealousy coming.

She doesn't see how much she hurts you;

You decide not to tell her.

You don't want to burden her,

But on the other hand you want to hurt her.

You want her to notice by herself

What she's doing to you.

She should be the one feeling guilty,

Not you.

#thoughts #jealousy #hurt #drama #love #relationship #friendship #devastated #guilty

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

She came into my life

And chose me as her prey.

I was doomed.

Helpless.

Not being able to control my life.

It was over for me.

I could never be apart from her,

It's like an addiction.

I'm obsessed.

She took completely over me,

Bewitched me,

My body,

My thoughts,

My heart,

My soul.

I couldn't even imagine

All the places she took me to.

I experienced a whole new world,

An unknown dimension.

She brought me to my limits

And even further than that.

It feels like I'm drowning

When she's away,

When she's here.

She controls me

My feelings,

Emotions.

And when she dies,

I'm dying with her.

#addiction #obsession #her #dangerous #dramatic #love #dying #control #a whole new world #passion #sensual

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

I'm afraid of heights,

But I'm even more afraid of the sky.

The sky is endless

and you'll never know what will come.

It's uncertain, not safe,

Maybe even dangerous.

There's only has one end,

The ground.

And nothing at the other side.

Unbalanced.

So I'm afraid looking at the sky,

Because I'm anxious that

There may be the enemy above us

So far

Yet so near

In the limitless sky...

#sky #limitless #earth #afraid #anxious #worry #balance #thoughts #fear #heights

[linaonherwaytofindherself]

I don't want to know how you earn your money. I don't want to see your marterial belongings. I don't want to see your fortune.

I want to see what your deepest thoughts and desires are. Your passion, your dreams, everything. What makes you happy?? What do you live for?? Who are you??

#enfp #dreams #desires #life #sense #thoughts #passion