ljlokijinx

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Steve, after Peter revealed his identity: You're telling me, I almost killed a FIFTEEN year old?!

Peter: Don't give yourself the credit honey, if that was you almost killing me, then i've already died thrice.

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #sassy peter parker #steve rogers #captain america #post civil war

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I am celebrating a few things this month: Reaching 5,500 followers (Hi! Thank you!!), as well as upgrading the packaging of my Telluric Runes oracle deck, now encased in a colourful, custom-printed box with lid (along with a redesigned, more portable companion book)

Why ‘Gold Standard’ you say? Because I’m cheesy and it’s in my name. Furthermore, the winner will get the extremely limited edition (i.e. the only one currently in existence) GILDED-EDGED TELLURIC RUNES DECK :･ﾟ☆✧

It’s shiny.. like the rocks  ಥ﹏ಥ ･ﾟ✧  

GIVEAWAY RULES:

- Open to anyone anywhere, I don’t judge (except giveaway blogs… not judging    you either but yeah sorry) - You don’t have to follow me. I’m an acquired taste - ONE REBLOG = ONE ENTRY (no limit but please don’t spam your people too    much I don’t want them to hate my guts)

- Likes are nice but not an entry.

- ENDS Monday May 27th at midnight (Eastern time)

PRIZE:

One Telluric Runes oracle deck with golden edging (not real gold, I hope we’re clear on that) and companion book.

The runes cards:

PURCHASE INFO: The regular (not-gilded) deck in its new box is available for preorder in my Etsy store (address in my bio/about); I am receiving all the stock this week so it’s not a long wait.

While I’m at it, just a heads-up that I have begun creating the TELLURIC TAROT, in the same vein and theme as the Telluric Runes:

I use the physical properties and symbolic meaning of a mineral and plant to channel the message of each arcana. Design and release of the deck is still a couple of months ahead; I try to post a new arcana artwork here roughly every two days.

THANK YOU and GOOD LUCK *:・ﾟ✧

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Tony, jokingly: Peter, stop hitting on Harley!

Peter and Harley, very much dating: ..?

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #domestic avengers #tony stark #iron man #harley keener #parley #parkner

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A Peter who has already been an Avengers for a year before Civil War.

A Peter who looks at Steve who taught him how to manage his strength.

A Peter who looks at Tony who taught him how to create gadgets and suits.

A Peter who looks at Nat who taught him strategy and how to fight.

A Peter who doesn't dare chose a side in this war and therefore becomes a third side, and another enemy.

A Peter who is viewed both as a traitor by Tony and Steve.

A Peter who, when the Avengers become a thing again declines a space.

A Peter who looks them in the eye and says "I'm not selfish for declining the offer. The complete opposite actually, because when you inevitably become either wanted by the government or tied up by rules I will be free to continue saving New York".

#peter parker headcanon #peter parker au #avengers headcanons #avengers #avengers au #marvel headcanons #marvel #marvel au #mcu #mcu au

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Bruce who just finished an argument with Dick, walking in the library to see tiny Jason reading: I hope you never grow too old for me

Jason: ok— *dies*

Bruce: WAIT!! NO!!! THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT!! THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE

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Tony: WHERE are your self preservation skills?!

Peter: I put 'em in a locked jar and eat them on my toast!

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #domestic avengers #tony stark #sassy peter parker #iron man #peters self preservation skills

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(Across the Spider-Verse spoiler)

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Steve, after Peter reveals his identity: You're an entire child!

Peter: Was I supposed to be half?

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #sassy peter parker #steve rogers #captain america

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Another Avengers Christmas post:

Peter, texting Ned and MJ : It has been exactly 2 hours since I arrived at the penthouse and this has happened:

- Pepper lost the turkey.

- Tony tried searching for said turkey in the closet. Surprise, he found Steve's bisexual butt in there.

- Tony then continued to search for the turkey in Clint's suitcase. In front of Clint's kids. The suitcase was full of presents for them.

- I learnt how to count to ten in Korean.

- I learnt multiple curses in Russian, German, Gaelic and ASL from Nat, Bucky, Steve and Clint. I can also say "Villain, I have done thy mother" in German.

- I now have a lot of opinions on Polish politics.

- Wanda threw flour at me and then continued to ask me why I was snorting drugs. Fury chose that exact moment to come in.

- Pepper lost the pork for today's dinner.

- Harley drove a LEGO car around with his phone, getting blackmail on the Avengers.

Anyway, I hope you have a nice and peaceful Christmas!

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #domestic avengers #tony stark #iron man #gaelic steven rogers #steve rogers #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #pepper potts #wanda maximoff #harley keener #clint barton #nick fury #avengers christmas

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A big Avengers Christmas:

- the teenagers pretending to be those alcoholic older male family members "well, brother-in-law, pour some more!", "ahh, it burns!". Yelena joined in only because she was actually drunk.

- Sam "Oh, come on, eat some more, the leftovers will last till Easter!" Wilson.

- Ned, building Lego's at the table.

- Somebody tossing a basketball. Nobody knows who it is, or where it came from.

- Drunk Tony singing Christmas carols in perfect pitch. He's tone death when sober.

- Nat, MJ and Pepper as gossipy wine aunts.

- Clint yelling at the kids because he keeps losing at mario kart.

- Steve is on the chandelier. Don't ask why.

- Peter reconsidering his life choices, but then Yelena and Kate get him to fix the broken outlet. Yelena does it in Polish "Dawaj szwagier!". He gets shocked three times but manages to do it and everybody cheers when they put Christmas lights into it. They don't even light up. Peter does though.

- Everybody is drunk because someone *drunk Bucky Barnes* spiked e v e r y b o d i e s drinks. Only the kids were exceptions.

- Bruce as Santa. Tony keeps flirting with him.

- Little Nate and Morgan giving everybody their presents. "Auntie Nat, why is dad fist-fighting uncle Steve?" "He wants to be a clown when he grows up, don't worry, sweetie."

- Peter hissing at the tree, because goddamnit Spiders hate peppermint.

- Clint thinks it's funny and throws some into his drink.

- That's why Clint ends up webbed to the ceiling, with Kate, Lila and Cooper throwing food at him.

Just- the Avengers Christmas as a crack fic. I need this.

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #domestic avengers #tony stark #avengers christmas #avengers crack #clint barton #natasha romanoff #steve rogers #bruce banner #thor #james bucky barnes #sam wilson #pepper potts #morgan stark #yelena belova #kate bishop #mj #lila barton #cooper barton #nate barton #ned leeds #spidery peter #peter with spidertraits #mcu #the Avengers family

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Clint: That battle was rough, wanna go for a drink?

Peter: I’m sixteen

Clint: Damn really? I thought you were twelve

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Tony: Hey Peter, Harley, what do you think you're going to be when you're older?

Harley: Peter could be a clown!

Peter:....

Harley: Or Spider-man could do stand-up, talking about all the stupid ways he almost revealed his identity.

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #domestic avengers #tony stark #iron man #harley keener

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The Rogues came back, and Tony is introducing Harley and Peter to them: Okay, so, these are the kids, Harley and Peter.

Clint: Oh... *walking over to Peter* You look just like your father.

Peter: I do?

Clint, next to Harley: You look... Just like the mailman.

Tony, in tears: Pepper, you cheated on me?!

Pepper: Clint, they're his i n t e r n s!

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #domestic avengers #tony stark #irondad #iron man #pepper potts #virginia potts #harley keener

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Fury, storming into SI: Spider-man, you cannot just leave one of America's most wanted and dangerous criminals on the door step of SHIELD, wrapped up in a Christmas ribbon with no explanation whatsoever!

Spider-man: Okay, count how many fucks I give with me, will you? *Starts counting on fingers* One... Two... Oh no, they ran away because you're so fuckin ugly. You scared them away, sorry, nothing you can do now, other than ✨LEAVE✨

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #sassy peter parker #nick fury #powerful peter parker #peter fucking with the avengers since day 1 #peter is NOT cute #peter is not nick fury friendly

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Tony: You look... well...

Peter: Aww, thank you, mr Stark!

Tony: That's not what I meant, and you know it, you got stabbed to hours ago, why the fuck aren't you on bedrest you menace?

#where are peters self preservation skills? #oh #they're hanging out with aunt May in heaven! #avengers funny #avengers #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #tony stark #irondad #iron man

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Harley, to the tune of "All I want for Christmas is you": I will shove a knife up your ass !

The attempted kidnapper, rapidly backing up, because Ironman is right behind this kid:

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #tony stark #iron man #harley keener #iron lad

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Peter probably, if he had more sass.

Tony: *bashing him for the firmy and everything*

Peter: I'm sorry, I know the mask covers my Fabian expressions and all... but... do I look like I give a shit? Because... I ... certainly don't feel... like I give a shit...

#avengers #avengers funny #avengers incorrect scenarios #avengers incorrect quotes #peter parker #spiderman #tony stark #sassy peter parker #iron man #spiderman: homecoming