#//i can't see how this could possibly go wrong

[10yo-anon]

☆ DARK RED. ☆

Frat!Satoru Gojo x F!reader

★⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹★

★⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹★

★⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹★

⚠️: ooc!satoru (sorry), not proofread cuz @*the-parasites-control-me seemed busy and i don wanna bother😔, one use of y/n 💔, grammatical errors! I suck ass!!, angsty angsty

WC: 1,258.

A/N: just a 30 minute drabble(?)/fic(?) Cause I absolutely LOVE steve lacy's songs. And his music. So, why not make a fanfic heavily inspired to one of his classic songs I ADORE. Big shoutout to ahem, "dark red 1 hour" cause thats what ive been listening till i finished writing !!, Happy reading, teehee!

★⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹★

You lean into the mirror as you apply your pink lipstick on your smiling lips. How could you not smile after Satoru finally agreed on spending time to go to a small date with you?

You were always shocked satoru, godforbid one of the most known frat guy in the campus, gave you, a basic student smitten with him from the start, a chance to go out with him. on how you're actually in a relationship with him.

But a small, annoying, little devil on your left shoulder would always ask you, "are you sure you're in a relationship with him? Does he even see you in a relationship with him? Introduce you to others as his 'girlfriend' ?"

Sure..with his well-earned name as a frat guy along with being in their sorority was..uncomfortable to say the least, he promised his eyes were only looking at you! That he'd never go to any party without your knowledge!

"He already has broken those promises." The imaginary devil sighs out your name. "..Past is past.. no?" You reply silently.

Past.. is every month considered long enough to be called "past"? 'Past' where Satoru could barely drag himself in his (and your's) apartment in the middle of the night, reeking of alcohol and a strong scent of another woman's perfume, neck covered with lipstick marks, love bites, and hickeys, polo lazily and wrongly buttoned. Calling out your name. And when you would rush to him, eyes wide with concern. He would drop down to his knees, clinging to your waist and apologizing with crocodile tears, begging you to not leave him, "Satoru..I don't think I can handle this anymo—" "Please, Baby!..don't you give me up.. please don't give up..on us.!" pleading that he would chance his antics for you, "Then tell me. what are those marks on your neck?" "Its nothing! Believe me honey, I belong with you only..and only you, baby.." as long as you give him one more chance.

One. More. Chance. A broken record he keeps repeating. And you would fall for it. Every time. "Cant you see he's genuinely sorry? You're a monster if you leave him!" The angel in your right shoulder would always shout, its only sad you agree with it. You didnt have any choice but to drag him to bed, whispering sweet reassurance in his ear until he falls asleep, bound to forget the whole conversation, possibly the whole night when he wakes up. While you silently cry yourself to sleep. Heart breaking and aching, only his false words keeping it from disintegrating. "Only you, darling...only you.." "I know, 'Toru." You could only force yourself to stop crying and act like nothing was wrong, dread already in you as you simply wait and ready yourself the next time this will happen again.

But no, you can't possibly leave him, of course you couldnt! You love him! You shake your head and push your thought away, its the future you have to focus on, and the future is your said date, remember!

Your eyes dsrt to the small clock on your table. 6:00 PM. pulling away from the mirror, you admire yourself one last time before going to that expensive restaurant you had reserved using satoru's black card. A simple dress in your favorite color, slight makeup adorning your face. Its good enough for you.

★⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹★

It's been what? One— no, two hours since you sat on your reserved seat. Alone. Where was Satoru?

You've noticed the servers giving you looks, some even audibly whispering pity about you, so you take your phone out to ignore them.

Your senses, or that little devil on your shoulder, whispers to you: "somethings bad about to happen to you." Once more, you continue ignoring them. All the voices, the looks. Everything you can ignore. You text Satoru again, only for your texts to be seen. You don't know why, but you feel it coming.

As you shut your phone off, you feel it vibrate, once, twice, three times! It must be your boyfriend!

With a hopeful smile, you quickly open the hidden messages, only to find out it's Geto, satoru's best friend. Your smile slightly drops.

Another wave of dread washes over you as you read his messages.

G-S: *Video attachment.*

G-S: *Location attachment.*

G-S: im sorry, y/n.

Now, your oh-so hopeful smile completely drops. You were afraid to watch the video. But unfortunately, you did.

It was Satoru, sitting on the couch manspread. With one of the most popular girls in another sorority, face caked with make-up, a skimpy skirt and a tube top, on his lap, giggling while she plants hickeys on his neck, all while he plants his hands on her hips and encourages her more, even whispering on her ear to hump him. shamelessly. Laughing when they mention you and responding by rolling his eyes with a smug grin.

You dont realize you tears endlessly flowing, ruining your eyeliner and foundation horribly, not until a waitress runs up to you, genuinely asking if you were okay.

You turn your phone off as soon as you caught you consciousness. You look around, and to your surprise almost everyone was silently looking at you, some giggling, some judging, some concerned. With your head spinning, you hiccup out an apology before dashing out the restaurant, already calling for your best friend to pick you up.

★⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹★

Waking up from his drunk slumber, Satoru sits up, quickly noticing he was in a different room with a different girl. 3:36AM. "Ah..shit." He silently panics, remembering you were back at his apartment, possibly waiting for him. As he scrambles out the bed, the girl he doesn't even remember its name was clings onto him. "Mmh..Satoru!~.. W-where r' ya..g..goin..!" "Huh—..sorry..gotta go back to my own apartment.." he rushes to escape her grasp, swiftly slipping on his clothes and attempting to straighten it out. "Hmph! You're going back to your nobody girlfriend again, ar'nt ya.." she whines, pouting her lips out. "Just break up with her already..stay with me..atleast I can pleasure you.." visibly disgusted with her words, Satoru takes his phone before going out the door. "Baby..this is just a one night stand, dont forget."

He opens his phone,

5 messages from "my only one.♡".

His eyes wide with surprise as he opens the notification, only to be greeted with more than 5 messages. Shit. He must have left his phone open while he was.. he'd rather not think of that.

You're messages was from asking about the date to pleading for him to appear, in a span of two hours. He completely forgot about the date.

Before guilt comes to him, he shakes his head. He only had to put on tears and beg for forgiveness, and you would take him back again. It was alright. He was okay.

With a cheeky smile, he walks over to his motorcycle, his mind already planning out his words for forgiveness. Easy.

★⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹★

"Baby?..where are you.." He tries to make his voice as weak as he can as he "stumbles" in his and your's apartment. Calling out your name again, disappointment meets him as there was no answer. Only your pitch-black living room.

he walks over to the kitchen, no answer. to the bathrooms, no answer. the balcony, no answer. and finally the master bedroom, no answer. only a dim lamp, and your messy, barely opened cabinet answered him. god did his heart race. maybe finished 5 whole laps too.

Thoughts run to his mind. From "did she finally leave you?" To "how dare she leave you, who does she think she is?" But his thoughts were answered as he checked the open closet. Barely any of your clothes were there, and the few remaining were either his shirts or the clothes he gave you. It was scattered as if you rushed to pack your things.

Oh.

★⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹★

A/N: 2/7 verses done! Can you find the hidden lyrics? :3 n e ways, Part 2? Let me know! But uh.. tommorow will be our school's honor rolls, and I'm 100% sure i won't have honors. For the first time. In my life. Aghh! I saw my brother once when he also didnt get honors in 3rd quarter last year in g7.. he was beaten, grounded, and he said bye to every gadget he had for a month. Soo..uh. I'll be offline for a while! :3 wish me luck !!

#Spotify #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #x reader #jjk #fanfiction #☆— 【 fanfiction !! 】 #☆— 【 ★ talks !! 】 #Gojo #satoru #gojo satoru #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #satoru x you #satoru x y/n #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo satoru x you

[bigification]

Careful What You Wish For

I lay the cheap looking lamp on my bathroom counter as I get ready for a bath. I can't believe I caved and bought it, it's obviously a scam. This stupid lamp isn't gonna grant any wishes, that old man just got some free cash out of me. It doesn't matter, I'll just take a relaxing bath and throw on some Netflix later.

I get undressed and run some hot water into the bath. Some scented candles set the mood for relaxation, and I throw on some music. I dip myself into the warm water, and lay back.

My relaxation doesn't last long however, as a rumbling catches my attention. It's the lamp. It's vibrating with enough force that I can feel it from across the bathroom. Suddenly a purple smoke emerges from the lamp.

"I may grant you one wish." A soft whisper echoes out of the smoke.

What the actual fuck. This isn't possible. Did that guy drug me? Maybe I should just say a wish to see if it's true.

"I wish to be a more mature looking guy who likes sports." I blurt out. I've always hated how much I look like a teenager despite being a full blown adult, so this could fix that. Also I wouldn't mind being a fit guy who likes sports, it wouldn't hurt.

The moment I say it, the smoke starts to travel towards me. All the smoke spirals into my mouth and nose. I should be scared, but it kinda feels nice. A warm feeling sprouts in the core of my body, making me feel relaxed again.

As the smoke fills my body, I feel my muscles twitching. It must be true, my body is changing. My twig like arms thicken, with bulging biceps and defined forearms. My soft hands grow twice as big and fill with rough callouses. My chest puffs out into two juicy pecs and my stomach flattens into a cut six pack. My thighs thicken as I feel my ass plump up. Even my feet look like they've grown a few sizes. I also have to start bending my legs, as Ive become too tall for the bath tub I'm sitting in.

I look at my reflection in the water and see a handsome man in his late twenties. Holy shit, I'm hot! I've got a chiselled jawline with a dark beard covering it. All my features seem more angular, more manly. As I'm observing my reflection, I notice a pelt of dark hair grow all over my body. My chest, my arms, my legs, everywhere is dusted in a coat of hair.

This is everything I wanted. Even the sports. Memories of playing sports all throughout school flood my mind. I especially liked soccer, though I also really liked weight lifting. More memories of my extensive sex life flood my mind, people are almost hypnotised by my good looks.

Just as I'm reminiscing about my past, I remember I should be working out right now. I can't skimp out on my workout routine. I go to get out of the bath and notice I've got my underwear on. Huh, I must have forgotten to take it off before getting in the bath.

As I'm stepping out of the bath, something feels wrong. A warm feeling once again fills my core. I look down and see my six pack fade under a belly of fat. It continues growing until it sags over my underwear. My pecs swell into a pair of man tits, though they still have a solid base of muscle. My arms double in size, though with a soft layer of fat now covering the muscles. My hands thicken until they look like stuffed sausages, as more rough features cover them.

I feel my underwear tighten around my waist as my ass fattens. My thighs thicken until there is no gap between them, and my feet grow many sizes. I even feel my perspective shift higher, as my height increases.

The dark hairs on my body fade to an almost white colour as the hair thickens around my body. As I'm looking down at my body, I notice hair on my head fall to the ground. I look in horror at my reflection in the mirror, I have to duck just to fully see my face. My hairline recedes all the way to the back of my head, leaving me practically bald. My once sharp facial features have softened under a layer of fat. And a double chin has formed under my beard. I look so old.

Though the more I stare at my body, the more familiar it becomes. Memories flood into my mind of my career in soccer. I was a high level player, and a popular one at that. But you age out of professional soccer in your late thirties. I started focusing more on the weight lifting and less on the cardio. There was only so long I could keep that six pack, and turning 50 certainly didn't help with that. I don't mind it though, it makes me feel more manly. And it makes the team I coach more afraid of me.

I snap out of my trance. I grab a towel and start to dry off. Damn I forgot to take off my underwear again, I should get rid of this one anyway, it doesn't fit me anymore. I duck and look at myself in the mirror.

"Lookin good coach." I say as I smile at myself.

I turn to the other side of the bathroom and step on my scale. It reads '350'.

"Damn, I've really let go of myself, huh." I say as I jiggle my gut.

I also measure my height, it reads 6"6. I should have gone into volleyball with the build I had.

I dry off and leave the bathroom. I grab a family sized bag of chips and lay my fat ass down on the couch. I open the tv and it's already on the world cup. I really wouldn't want it any other way.

#male tf #masculine #fat tf #hairy #reality change #male wg #muscle tf #male transformation #age progression

[celestialwhoree]

𝐒𝐚𝐲 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧 𝐆𝐨 - 𝟔

You're not sure whether asking Nikto how he worked out what your favourite foods are is a good idea. Realistically, you know that men in his field are required to be perceptive, to pick out the smallest of details which may be useful later. He's been in your house so many times, in your fridge for a left over slice of pie, or the less that you can barely consider a garage to grab whatever tool he'd needed to fix your wobbly fencepost. On the one hand, his awareness of you, what you like and dislike, is comforting. It feels safe to have someone so constantly tuned in on your frequency. Safe. On the other? Having someone so impossibly attentive to your needs is unsettling. It's been far too long since you've had someone shadowing your day-to-day life - and Nikto is, undeniably, like a shadow.

The picnic is - it's really sweet. Well intentioned. The execution, admittedly is rudimentary, but you're just splitting hairs. A guy set you up a picnic after you practically sucked off his face in your kitchen. You're pretty sure most would've run had they felt the sheer reverence, the need in your kiss. He fixed your fence.

Now you're sat rather awkwardly beside one another, picking at a strange assortment of cheeses and fruits, making stilted conversation as you watch a herd of cows graze a couple of fields down.

"How did you know my fence was broken?" You hum in an absent, obvious attempt to keep the conversation going. Tough considering you barely know anything about Nikto, and yet he seems to know everything about you. Your weak endeavour towards filling the stillness between the two of you obviously doesn't go unnoticed - nor does the way your make an effort to dig deeper and see just how much of you Nikto actually catches.

"You hit it with your car a few weeks ago." He states bluntly, leaving you flushing a beet red. Foolishly, you'd always believed that your sub-par driving skills were just imagined, that no one saw you the way you saw yourself. Clearly, you've been wrong all along.

"You do have your drivers license, yes?" Nikto continues to chide, unable to help the way his blood rushes south when you blush, fluttering your lashes as you avert your gaze to the strawberry you'd been just about to eat. "Mhm." You mumble, trying to feign an indignant look - futile, seeing as he's already caught you in the act of your embarrassment.

"I can help you if you would like." Nikto utters, before he too turns his burning face towards the gingham blanket he'd found whilst trawling the grocery store in the small hours of this morning, trying to be as prepared as possible for your date. He's far too quickly become accustomed to your little quirks and reactions, the way you flinch like a frightened bunny from loud noises, or worry at your lip when you're nervous but still trying to seem nonchalant. You're hardly ever nonchalant about anything. He sees that too. "Is it the car that you struggle with?" He tries, so desperately, to claw himself from the hole he's seemingly fallen into, painfully aware that he's probably coming off as some condescending, patronising prick. He knows you can drive. Kind of. However, the thought of helping you, spending time with you, taking all of the menial tasks of daily life out of your hands, he can't help but to yearn for it. Or maybe it's just you. You're the one thing he finds himself wanting for after a life of solitude. You, your silly little shoes, and strawberry flavoured lips, your bows and pearls. You with a smile so bright it's blinding, and a laugh that could bring the cruelest of men to his knees. You are what he yearns for. The silver lining to the rainclouds which have so long darkened his days. You, you, you.

He doesn't even realise you'd been talking until you stop. Only, of course, to take the next best course of action towards capturing his attention, shuffling towards him until you're sat flush against his side, blinking up at him with a look that clearly suggests that you're asking for permission. The fact that he doesn't get hard right then and there is a miracle - though he's not sure if it's one that'll last. At least, not when you finally work up the guts to crawl up into his lap like a needy cat, searching for attention by any means possible. Last week he was barely refraining from tearing your clothes off and taking you on the counter in your kitchen. This is far more intimate. This is what he wants.

He wants to see the way your cheeks flush pink when his hands slide up your skirt, just enough to brush the calloused pad of his thumb over the delicate lace of your underwear. With bated breath, he wants to watch the way the late afternoon sun turns your hair into a halo of molten metal, cascading from the crown of your head in some glorious inferno.

The little sound of your breath hitching as he noses at your jaw is only the first nail in the cruelest of coffins, burying him alive under the crushing weight of his adoration for you. This, he thinks, this is what he's waited for. This is both his reward, and his punishment for the toil of his career, of his life. His reward, you, so sweet and soft in his lap, pliable as gold, glittering as the brightest of precious stones. Breaking you, breaking your pretty, trusting heart, is entirely out of the question. He'd rather shoot himself in the kneecaps. Walk headfirst into enemy territory and beg to be tortured. Step on a landmine. Any and all of it would be better than seeing you hurt.

Whilst he can't find the words for the way he adored you, he can most definitely find the actions.

Nothing, no man, has ever made you feel the way you do as Nikto eases you to lie back on the picnic blanket, hooking your knees over his shoulders. A kiss to your inner thigh. "I hope you don't mind people hearing, Princess. I intend to make you scream."

#cod mwii #cod mw2 #cod #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare #modern warfare #Nikto #cod nikto #Nikto x reader #nikto x y/n #nikto x f!reader #nikto x you #call of duty nikto #mwii nikto #celestialwhoree #say goodnight n go

[imshii-kin]

Good Luck

Platonic Yandere Dc x reincarnated Reader

I made this a bit ago so have mercy :,)

Wattpad

Summary : Y/n, who recently taken an interest in the DC universe, finds themself in that very universe after a little roadkill accident.

Prologue, Chapter # 1 (you are here)

It'd had been an hour since you woke up and gained your past life memories. In that time, you have made four deductions on your current situation.

One, you died.

Two, you hate trucks with a passion.

Three, your memories of your 'current life' are completely gone.

"What do you think could've caused this Lois? She was completely fine yesterday." A man with dark hair and blue eyes was currently pacing around his apartment. The man's name was Clark Kent.

And four, you were part of the Kent family.

You were in the DC universe

__

'...I didn't even get to finish Security Breach.' You thought as you watched your 'parents' talk. They were discussing your current situation regarding 'your' memory's. 

In all honesty you were currently freaking. Out of all the universes to be reincarnated you got one of the most dangerous universes out there. Why couldn't you be reincarnated in a chick

 Lois was trying to talk to you, but you were currently already having an existential crisis.

So, you, justifiably, didn't feel like talking to people.

So now it was Clarks turn to try and talk to you. "Y/n, can you tell us what could have happened? If you can't, I'll have to contact Bruce to see if we can get J'onn to help you out." 

You thought for a moment. How would these people react to the fact that you had a past life. More importantly, how would they react if they knew that it was most likely the fact that you regain your past life memories caused your current ones to be erased. 

But as much as you wanted to come up with an excuse you couldn't think of one.

Clark sighed disappointedly, "I guess I'll have to call Bruce." He cringed when he mentioned Bruce's name.

That's never a good sign.

__ 

"What do you mean 'No' Bruce!?" Clark yelled at the billionaire, who was trying to calm down and reason with the hero. 

"Clark, I just think you're going a little overboard, let me take her back to Gotham. I can use my computers and resources that are stored in the bat cave to figure out what's wrong." Bruce explained. "We don't need to summon the justice league for this." While watching the argument, you notice Bruce's extreme reluctance to meet up with the league. 

Wonder why that is.

Clark runs a hand through his hair, obviously frustrated. "Why would I let my daughter go to Gotham, for all I know, you're going to turn her into one of your robins and get her killed, just like Jason!"

Oh damn, this was getting interesting.

You were enjoying the argument between Bruce and Clark, that was until you felt a tape on your shoulder. Turning around, you see it was Jon, and he had quite the troubled look on his face. "Y/n," He started, "if you had the choice, would you go with Bruce?" He asked you.

"I don't know." You say with a straight face.

Obviously, you were lying.

You would absolutely go with Bruce. He's rich, he lives in a mansion, and he has resources that may be able to help you find a way home. 

Also, for all you knew, you could be in a version of the Justice Lords, or Injustice. Bruce's strained relationship with the League sort of pointed to those possibility

You hear footsteps approaching you from behind, you turn around to see an irritated Clark approaching you. "Well, she luckily doesn't have a choice. She isn't going." He huffed.

"..." 

"Clark, do you want her to get the best treatment or not?" Surprisingly, Lois spoke up this time. Sighing, she took Clark's hand.

"Bruce won't turn her into a Robin, plus she'll be in one of the most protected places in Gotham, getting the best treatment she could ever get. I think we should let Bruce take her until we figure out what, or... who caused this."

'...why is everyone in this god damn world so mellow dramatic?' You look at them with a mixture of disappointment and boredom.

"Fine, but if he can't fix this in one month, we'll take her back immediately."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Game scale!!

Rules For Our Lovely Game!! 

Rule number one! Never go above 55%.

Rule number two! If you do go above 55%, R U N

Rule number three! Stay alive.

Clark Kent: 39%

What can I say, nothing beats a parent's love.

Lois: 39%

Seems healthy to me.

Jon: 34%

Yup! Seems like kids are the more sensible ones.

Bruce: 15%

Don't worry it'll go up, but be sensible, you two just met.

#platonic yandere #batfam #yandere dc #yandere superfam #yandere dick grayson #yandere jason todd #yandere damian wayne #yandere tim drake #yandere bruce wayne #yandere clark kent #yandere justice league #yandere nightwing #yandere red hood #yandere red robin #yandere robin #yandere superman #yandere batman

[thorias]

It occurs to me that what we saw in ep7 may have been Rogue going through the 5 stages of grief. She started with Denial (can't accept that Remy's dead) and Anger (killing Trask).

Cable showing up with the possibility of saving Remy via time travel could mean we'll see Bargaining in ep8, then Depression if that somehow doesn't work.

If this is what's happening, then my guess is Remy won't return until after Rogue reaches the Acceptance stage. In storytelling terms, that's just how this stuff tends to work. I kind of hope I'm wrong though; I really don't feel like waiting that long to get him back, but I could see it playing out like this...

In the closing scene of ep10, Rogue finally, sadly accepts that Remy is gone, she visits his grave to say goodbye... only to find the grave empty.

BOOM. Enter Death!Gambit or Prime Sentinel!Gambit... in season 2.

#x men 97 #rogue #anna marie lebeau #gambit #remy lebeau #romy #i'll take anything #i just want my boy back #exactly how much pain are we in for? #the payoff to this better be worth it i s2g #cable get your ass back here and fix this shit #rogue x gambit

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E18 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - master strategist

Pairin - one of the princesses at Verdigris House

Luomen - Maomao's physician father

Meimei: one of the princesses of Verdigris House

Suirei: court lady who doesn't like Maomao

Woah. Okay so that's a loaded exchange.

Jinshi: How does one decrease the value of a courtesan? Maomao: In the case of pregnancy, it would reduce it to nearly zero.

There are 7 seconds of silence in this show after that. Yes, I used a stopwatch to time it. That is a freaking insane pause.

Jinshi makes a move to... I don't know exactly, reach out maybe? Reassure Maomao that he's not planning on doing this? I'm not sure. There is a shit ton of subtext to this conversation, that I'm not sure I have completely figured out but I will try.

Jinshi is the more obviously bothered by this statement, by a lot. Maomao is just observing to see how Jinshi responds to it. Essentially what she says is that a man could rape a courtesan and impregnant her to bring her value down, to ruin her. It would bring her value so low that anyone could afford to buy out her contract at that point. Jinshi has not provided any context to why he asked this question, and Maomao is studying him closely to see what he does with the information. I don't believe she thinks he would do this personally to a courtesan, or she wouldn't have told him. But as it appears, they've arrived at a brothel where Jinshi stopped her before going inside to ask this very fucked up question. She has to at least examine the possibility that she is wrong about Jinshi. And I think he passes her scrutiny, but not without damage done. She's disappointed that he is planning on going into this brothel, and that he asked such a depraved question. It hits particularly hard, because just prior to this they were having a nice moment where she opened up about her father. Now she is likely backtracking, either wondering why she bothered, or scolding herself for behaving inappropriately.

As for Jinshi in this scene, he hasn't revealed why he wants the answer to this particular question so badly. But boy does he want it. He let himself and Maomao fall into Lakan's trap just so that Lakan would tell him the answer. But Lakan didn't answer. Instead Jinshi asks Maomao, knowing that the question is inappropriate. He risks damaging the regard between the two of them so that he can get this answer. He's risking widening the rift between them. But why? What use is this answer to Jinshi? Does this have to do with the story Lakan told? Is he concerned about what may have happened to a courtesan in the past? To Maomao's mother? Is there a courtesan in the present that Jinshi is concerned about? Who can say.

In any case, Jinshi can see the damage that asking it has caused. He tries, I think, to backtrack, but it's too late. Maomao is retreating from him. She wants to flee, this conversation hurts for reasons she doesn't want to examine. Thank god Jinshi is emotionally intuitive. He can't let her walk away like this. The rift between them is too large, there is no telling if it could even be fixed if she leaves now. Jinshi grabs her arm.

Jinshi: You're leaving me now?

Maomao explains that her presence would compromise whatever plans he has in the restaurant. And Jinshi has to agree that makes sense, even if he can't put into thoughts or words why his heart is breaking right now.

Jinshi's critical error in this moment is that he is trying to keep Maomao out of what he's up to. He wants to protect her from whatever he's involved in, yet doing so is harmful too. He never tells her why he is visiting this place. He never explains why he asked the question. She is left to fill in the blanks with her own assumptions, with devastating results. In his effort to protect Maomao, Jinshi has harmed her. Jinshi cares for Maomao, but he hasn't learned to fully trust or respect her. And there will never be a relationship without trust. He's still got a lot of work to do before a real relationship can happen.

Maomao: It's fine. I didn't show any emotion when I spoke.

Maomao!!!

Her heart is breaking here too. I'm only surprised she is willing to admit it to herself. Perhaps the anguish of this moment has become too great to deny? For as sad as this scene is, that Maomao is aware and acknowledging her emotions is a major breakthrough! I suspect she's in for some painful moments now that she has to feel her pain, but you can't heal what you don't feel. She's on a path of healing now! Yay!

Oh my god, she even turned around to watch him walk into the building. So good Maomao. You're doing great girl!

Maomao: I truly hope you enjoy your evening good sir.

Maomao you dirty little liar!

Okay so maybe we only get to see a tiny step forward for Maomao, but a tiny step is still progress! I'm just so happy to see anything that pokes past the impasse that Jinshi and Maomao have been stuck at for ages.

The fuck kind of nightmare was that?! No wonder Maomao doesn't like to feel her emotions if she gets horrible flashbacks. Was she the baby in that scene? It looked like someone who was horribly injured tried to kill a baby. Apparently they couldn't go through with it. Was this Maomao's courtesan mother? Was she burned or scarred in someway? Perhaps to bring down her value? Or was the baby the product of rape? Was she trying to get rid of the baby to allow her to what? Return to being a courtesan? Seems unlikely with the injuries. Because she hates how the baby was conceived? Because the baby reminds her of the man who did this to her? Maybe to kill the baby so it couldn't be abused by someone else? Maybe because the woman in the scene was planning to kill herself after killing the baby?

Maomao looks at her hand, then thinks about the conversation she had with Jinshi yesterday. She then says of the nightmare that she brought it up. So there is a connection between the conversation and the nightmare. I'm guessing that what Jinshi asked about is exactly what happened to Maomao's mother, which triggered her memory. Why look at her hand? Does this have anything to do with her bandaged arm? Does the neglect or abuse of her mother have something to do with Maomao's low self-worth and the reason she is willing to self harm for her experiments? Or is she looking at her hand just to ground herself in reality, to try to fight back the traumatic memories?

After being awoken by her nightmare, Maomao is comforted by the familiar sight and routine of her father working in the apothecary. He asks her to take a package to Verdigris House.

This is maybe as good a time as any to ponder if Maomao's connection with Verdigris House is greater than that of an apothecary. I mean clearly it is, she considers the people here to be her family. But could she have had blood family that lived here as well? Was her mother one of the courtesans? I think that has been hinted at fairly strongly now.

Maomao is welcomed back with open arms. I'm so glad too see it. When was the last time someone gave Maomao a hug? Was it the last time she was here at the brothel?

Pairin is being harassed by granny to make a choice on something, and Maomao uses the opportunity to sneak away.

Pairin: Is she going to the annex?

I fricking hope so! I've been waiting for this!

Okay, so the annex is part of Verdigris House. And it looks identical to the room in Maomao's nightmare. So this must be where Maomao's mother lived. Perhaps where she died. And Maomao lived here, at least as an infant. How did she end up with Luomen?

Oh shit! Her mother is still alive?! But in a terrible state. She has some terrible illness. And it's not confirmed that this is her mother, but isn't it implied? Either way, Maomao used to be chased out of here by this angry person though it seems she no longer has the energy.

And hold on, I remember a scene from the last time Maomao was in the Verdigris House where granny asked her to tend to what I thought was just an ill courtesan, but perhaps it was this person in the annex.

Maomao's mother patient seems to be in the end stages of her illness. She no longer has energy to even speak. Luomen's once effective treatments don't offer relief, and there is nothing more that can be done. Though she may have been dealing with her decline for a long time Maomao will soon have to deal with the death of her mother. This may not be a healthy relationship, but there will still be grief. We grieve for people even when it's complicated. We also grieve what could have been, what never was. And there is never a good time to lose someone, but certainly some times are worse than others. Much of Maomao's life is uncertain right now, and she just took an emotional blow from her interaction with Jinshi, causing her to dip into the emotions she tries to avoid, now this on top of it. When it rains, it pours.

There is a troublesome customer visiting the Verdigris House. Meimei has been tasked to meet him. How foreboding. It couldn't be Lakan could it? His history with courtesans makes me ill.

Okay so maybe this lady isn't Maomao's mother, maybe she is. Maomao explains that the woman has syphilis. At least Verdigris House takes care of their own. I love that. Luomen may have been able to do something for this woman if he had arrived to serve the brothel during an earlier stage of the illness. There is a flashback here, where we get a glimpse of young Maomao in the brothel. No one trusted the eunuch doctor from no where, even if he could have done something. After contracting syphilis, the lady had to go on serving customers until the sores spread over her whole body, and she was locked up in the annex.

The woman tried to hum a tune, but is unable to to speak. I wonder if Maomao recognizes it.

Little girl: Big sis wanted you to know that the weirdo with the monocle is here, so you should avoid going out there for awhile.

Oh no! It is Lakan! Why is this little girl telling Maomao specifically so she can avoid him? Does he have a history with Maomao at the brothel? I'm trying to recall all of the things that Lakan said about the courtesan he used to visit at Verdigris House. That he could beat her at shogi, but not go. That she never sold herself but that she had an arrogant expression... I mean, I could be looking into it too much, but that... could be Maomao? Did she work as a courtesan here before? Is this why Jinshi is so determined to find out how someone might have reduced the price of a courtesan?! Did he know she used to work here? Does he worry that something terrible has happened to Maomao here? DID IT! Oh my god! It would explain so much about her fear of working as a courtesan, and her trauma. What the fuck happened in this brothel?! And who all knows about it! I demand answers!

I'm going to pull it back a little bit, and return to an earlier theory that Lakan is actually Maomao's biological father. He may have a history with Maomao at the brothel but that may be as a man who was somewhat interested in the daughter he fathered. Understandably, Maomao wants nothing to do with him. We learn here that Maomao knows who Lakan is though. Thank god they didn't run into each other in the palace. Can she really go on avoiding him? He can follow her in the palace or in the Pleasure District.

Maomao refers to Lakan as a long time customer of the Verdigris House, an old acquaintance, but that if she just stays put in the annex, she won't run into him. Okay, but tell me why you don't want to run into him....

Maomao has had a rough day. She's still reeling from her conversation with Jinshi and now she has been trapped all day in the annex with a woman who maybe hates her, so that she can avoid Lakan. She's had nothing to do but think about all the really painful emotions that she usually stays busy to avoid. Meimei finds Maomao hiding out in the annex, and lets her know that Lakan has left. Apparently he has brough up an offer for Maomao?! Maomao hates it, and so do I!

Maomao worries that if she didn't have her job that the madam of Verdigris House would have sold her off to Lakan by now. She thinks that Lakan's interest is the main reason that the madam wants her to become a courtesan. So Lakan is a major contributing factor to why Maomao is so fiercely opposed to being a courtesan. Her terror takes on a new shade of meaning now. If only we knew what has transpired between Maomao and Lakan in the past, we could understand.

Meimei has been given offers to leave the brothel, but has as yet turned them all down. She's getting close to retirement age, but isn't ready for that yet. Maomao asks why she doesn't just leave? To Maomao the freedom to choose would be preferrable to any offer that a customer could make. Maomao thinks that Meimei is holding out for love. Perhaps she is in love with someone already, and is waiting for an offer from that person.

Maomao: Maybe it's love. But if that's the case. It's not a rabbit hole I want to delve into. That's an emotion I'm sure I left behind. Back in the womb of the woman who birthed me.

Nearly every example of romantic love that Maomao has is heartbreaking. She's seen heartbreak after heartbreak in the brothel, with courtesans having promises made to them, and then broken. We don't know the story of her parents, but if her mother is the dying woman in the annex, or if she has died already, then then there is heartbreak in her story as well. Even the concubines in the palace don't have the love of the emperor, instead they merely battle for his attention and favor. The sole example she has seen is that of the concubine who was able to escape the Rear Palace when her military beau was able to secure her release.

Maomao is not open to the idea of love, in fact it is something she tries to avoid, disdains even. This view of love is one of the reasons we have seen her repeatedly shut down any tender emotion she's had, and why she is so willing to read any other explanation when love is directed at herself. And she tells us here, that it stems from her parents. How is she ever going to trust someone enough to love them and be loved in return?

And what a way to talk about one's own mother. "The woman who birthed me." So there is a story there. It sounds like one of abandonment, neglect or abuse, as we've already guessed.

The princesses want to pamper Maomao, and she adores the attention. This girl is so touch starved. I wondered about Maomao's need for physical touch, way back in episode 2 when Jinshi touched Maomao's hair and breathed on her neck. He did it in an effort to try to seduce her, but her reaction was interesting. She didn't get disgusted or freaked out as she did with his flirting. She just kind of let it happen. Now we see it with the courtesans that she considers family. Meimei is scrubbing Maomao's back and she is relaxed and smiling. The courtesans love Maomao so much, I wish she could have this kind of affection all the time.

Hard transition to Jinshi. A man who maybe has never had a hug in his life, except for the back hug he stole from Maomao when he was drunk. He's regretting that his date went so terribly, he didn't mean to give the impression to Maomao that he was trying to hook up with someone. He tells us that it definitely wasn't what he traveled there for, which is really unnecessary. No one who has been watching this show believed he was. I would like for him to tell us what he was up to though.

Maomao has retuned to Jinshi's residence, and Jinshi steels himself to face her. He's embarrassed and knows he's once again put space between them, when all he wants to do is find a way to get closer. Plus, it looks like he's carrying that jug of... beverage that Lakan left. He presents it as a present from a weirdo. Their conversation lacks all of the usual banter, and is perfectly polite, which for these two is a disaster. Jinshi watches her walk away. He's not sure where to even begin to repair this. He's frustrated. Maomao is doing her best to pretend like Jinshi already left. Gaoshun is there listening closely. Suiren is there watching Maomao and wondering what has changed, but knows it's some bullshit because she says:

Suiren: For goodness' sake.

Yeah Suiren. I feel that in my bones. But when I say it there is usually an F bomb in there somewhere.

Maomao is having very complicated feelings about having seen her mother the woman in the annex. It's distracting her from her work. It seems bad, but it's a good sign that Maomao is starting to face her emotions and try to process them, rather than avoid them.

Suiren thinks Maomao's distraction has to do with the master of the residence so she decides it's time to say something. Suiren realizes that hints and subtly don't work so well for Maomao when it comes to herself. She needs very blunt advice, which Suiren provides.

Suiren encourages Maomao to ask Jinshi for some space for her apothecary supplies.

Suiren: You may appear apathetic, but you're keen. You know where you stand, and how to play the game.

Yes! Call her on her bullshit Suiren!

Suiren: Because somebody was born noble doesn't inherently make them any different from you or me.

She's telling Maomao to quit looking at Jinshi as some lofty official, see him as a person.

Suiren: If you view everything in terms of status, then you'll miss opportunities.

Thank you Suiren! Internalize that Maomao. Put it in your head and keep it there.

Maomao has an errand to run at the court pharmacy, and she's delighted. She'll sparkling here. If only Maomao could be employed here.

The odd court lady that smacked Maomao in the head a few episodes back has arrived. Maomao figures that this lady works in the guard house and handles herbs in her job, which is why she had a bitter smell earlier, here I thought she was on drugs. Maomao ponders why the lady dislikes her so much, when they've had so little interaction.

A little casual classism for flavor. The pharmacist bemoans that the court lady is required to come pick up drugs herself. Then realizes he said it in front of Maomao and tries to back track. It's not okay work for a court lady, but fine for servant. That comment right on the heals of Suiren's much better advice about class.

Maomao discovers that the item she was sent to pick up was potato flour and wonders why Jinshi needs it. She pieces together a few things about Jinshi's actions. She suspects his actions are part of a purification ceremony that would be used to perform ceremonial rights. Something a nobleman might do. Something that would be strange for a eunuch to do. I'm tired of this theme. Moving on.

Gaoshun and Jinshi are trying to piece together the mystery of Luomen, but Jinshi can't stop thinking about how things are so distant and confused between himself and Maomao, right now. And just to make sure Jinshi never gets a moments peace, Lakan arrives.

Lakan is in the same house where Maomao is right now, and on the one hand I'm hoping they don't run into each other for Maomao's well being, but on the other hand, let's get this plot moving along. It's time to throw Maomao to the wolves.

Question: why does Lakan bring his own beverage whenever he visits? Is he afraid of being poisoned?

Jinshi isn't even bothering to hide how irritated he is at this visit. That's telling. And maybe a mistake. Or maybe intentional.

Jinshi: It seems to me, that you had engaged in some dirty trickery. Lakan: How very rude. That's rich to hear from a thief like yourself.

Gasp! Jinshi a thief?! Go on!

Oh no! Lakan really was trying to get Maomao. He spent a decade trying to get Maomao? Maomao who is what? All of 17 or 18 here? Has he been trying to get Maomao out of the brothel since she was a child? With good intentions or bad ones? Lakan feels he's been made a fool. He tell Jinshi he's upset with him over this.

Jinshi is worried, pissed, and oh so intent.

Jinshi: So do you want your prize returned?

I'm fairly certain that Jinshi wouldn't do that, and is just moving the conversation to find out Lakan's intentions.

Lakan: Not quite. I will pay whatever it is you ask.

That's... a hell of a look from Jinshi. So intense! Jinshi fucking hates this guy.

Jinshi: And if I refuse?

Lakan: Well then, I suppose there is nothing I can do is there.

Which is a threat to wreck Jinshi's life! It's a declaration of war. Holy shit!

Lakan: How many people could defy a man of your rank? I could count every single one of them on one hand.

The imperial family maybe? Yup that's it. Jinshi knows that Lakan knows his true identity.

Oh my god. Lakan knows everything!

Lakan: I'm just concerned you know. About what my daughter would think.

He's threatening to expose the truth about Jinshi, and hits him where it hurts the most: Maomao. Jinshi was worried that Maomao may be this man's daughter, and Lakan just confirmed as much.

Jinshi is tense. Hands balled into fists, posture wary, as Lakan asks to meet Maomao. This asshole has been following Maomao. First at the brothel and now to Jinshi's residence.

Everyone one of Lakan's moves were so well played, and Jinshi... is trapped. He once again has to make a choice between the obligations of his station and his own personal desires. He can give this official what he is asking for and go on business as usual, after all what is one servant over another? It would be an easy decision for someone else other than Jinshi, if it were about someone else, other than Maomao.

Jinshi looks deep in thought when he comes upon Maomao while the sun is setting. Is something ending here?

Jinshi addresses Maomao as "apothecary." It's respectful in that it acknowledges her for her skills, she may even like being called this, but it's another sign of the distance between the two. I don't know the last time he called her by her name.

Jinshi seems very nervous to bring this up to Maomao. You can hear the tension in his voice. Unusual for Jinshi, when he is usually bold and shameless when interacting with Maomao. It's a sign of just how precarious things are between the two right now. Also, a sign of just how divided Jinshi is about even bringing this suggestion to Maomao.

Jinshi: There's... an official who wants to meet you sometime soon. ... It's...that weirdo I've been telling you about. His name's... Lakan.

A pause. Then a fricking jump scare of Maomao's intense glare! This glare isn't giving Jinshi chills in the fun way. She looks legit scary. It reminds me of a frightened animal that has been backed into a corner and has no choice left but to fight. Lakan is a line she will not cross. An absolute boundary. With one look she declares that there is nothing she won't do to avoid that meeting.

Jinshi: I'll find a way to let him down gently.

Jinshi, Jinshi, Jinshi.... what the hell are you going to do? If you can't convince Maomao to see Lakan, and you won't force her to do it, then your other choice is to go to war with Lakan.

Jinshi: I've never seen her make a face like that. I never want to see it again. Ever.

I hope he means that as I'm going to do everything I can to keep her protect her from Lakan. I hope this is a turning point for Jinshi, where he chooses Maomao in a real way. I hope he won't waver again on this, allowing Lakan room to maneuver Maomao and himself.

Maomao is distressed that Lakan has found her again. She goes to collect medicinal herbs. A familiar and comforting activity.

She is approached by Suirei who cares for the herb garden near the military officers' part of the palace. Maomao questions what Suirei is growing here and Suirei claims she planting a medicine for resurrection?

Maomao has a VERY strong reaction to that. Who has died in Maomao's life that she is that desperate to get back? A family member? Someone she loved? A patient she couldn't save?

Suirei claims to be joking. What a strange lady. Are we absolutely sure she's not on drugs? The music is unsettling in this scene and so is Suirei. She asks how good of an apothecary Maomao is then tells her she's going to plant morning glories here. I happen to know that those are poisonous! Is Suirei hoping to make a poison? Will she try to get Maomao to do it?

The sun is setting over the palace and the music is ominous. Is something serious about to happen in the next episode?

To start at the beginning: Episode 1

Next Episode:

Coming soon!

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #jinshi x maomao #jinshi #jinmao #maomao

[oblonger]

Chapter 10 of TPiaG: Body Swap AU

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@sincerely-sofie We made it to the double digits! Thank you so much for all your encouragement and nice words! It's what has kept me continuing with this story, despite the first chapter just kinda being a one off thing! I look forward to continuing it!

Dusknoir makes breakfast

"Do not ever forget that." Dusknoir uttered.

Even though he can't see his face, the light from the tail flame let him know exactly how Darkrai felt.

He let go of him, dropping him on the couch.

Dusknoir silently picked up the book he'd been learning Braille with and entered into his room. Quietly shutting the door, so as to not wake Celebi.

Dusknoir stood in front of his door for several moments before quietly slumping against it. His hands were shaking harder than he ever thought possible.

It wasn't her.

It's not her anymore.

That's Darkrai. Not Twig.

You didn't hurt Twig again.

That's not what Twig looks like anymore.

Dusknoir slowly breathed in and out.

He couldn't see Darkrai's face clearly. Even while so close to him.

But even if he looked like a painting had been left out in the rain before it could dry...

He still knew that look. It showed itself clearly in his mind despite his impaired vision.

He regretted intimidating him immediately

And it wasnt because he looked like her.

It was that expression of terror.

He felt he deserved it.

He tortured him and so many others for so long.

But the way his body completely froze when he grabbed him.

The same way that Twig did...

...

Dusknoir remembered how scared and vulnerable he felt whenever he was around Dialga.

He can't help but feel like he's not too different from how he acted.

Dusknoir wanted to apologize. And he didn't want to.

Dusknoir mustered the courage to peek out his door.

Darkrai had already left.

Dusknoir hesitated before he slunk back into his room.

He closed his door, and laid down in his bed.

Dusknoir quickly fell asleep. His thoughts swirled in spirals, chasing each other as he contemplated both throwing Darkrai out into the street, and begging for forgiveness.

~~

Dusknoir awoke before anyone else in the home.

His stomach growled in hunger.

That reminded him of how he heard Darkrai open and shut the pantry last night. Not having eaten anything.

Dusknoir felt... Well, it wasn't pity. Nor was it any kind of compassion. He thinks. He just remembers how difficult it was to have a full stomach so many years ago.

Dusknoir sighed as he rose from his bed. If he was going to feed Celebi and Grovyle, he might as well feed him too.

~

It took much longer than Dusknoir would ever admit to manage to create a rudimentary stir fry. He had to sample several berries to ensure that he was still putting in Rawst berries instead of Yache (Why did they even buy those?). It was only after he garnished them that he'd realized that he'd forgotten to check if those were walnuts and not cashews. And he prayed that the vegetables he cooked were a darker color because of the heat and not because he burned them.

The fact that he couldn't read the recipe book made it worse. He'd practically eaten two small portions by the time he'd finished. Constantly tasting it to make sure it wasn't worse than Celebi's 'cooking'.

Blast this darn eye, if only Kip hadn't-

Dusknoir's fist tightened. He struck down the thought instantly.

It was his fault that his vision was screwed up the way it was.

Not Kip's.

Kip didn't do anything wrong to him.

Not back then, and not now.

...

Dusknoir sighed as he looked out the window.

It was long past dawn.

Dusknoir quietly opened Celebi's door. The room dark after having a wardrobe pushed to sit in front of the window.

"Celebi?" Dusknoir asked. He was afraid he'd squish her if he felt around to find her. It was impossible to see in here.

"Mmgh..." She sleepily growled.

Dusknoir told her that he had made breakfast, but that he needed help.

Celebi eventually obliged, after he promised to let her sleep the rest of the day.

Dusknoir approached Darkrai's door, his plate of food held in one hand.

Celebi looked pretty upset that he'd asked her to unlock the door.

"Why dont you just break the lock?" She asked.

Dusknoir glanced away from her.

"I... I dont believe Twig would appreciate having more of her home destroyed during our stay."

That was a partial reason.

He was still scared of Darkrai.

He feared that opening the door would lead to the Legend that he had carried to the hospital just a week prior.

And given what he said last night...

Celebi quietly unlocked the door with a small screwdriver that was kept atop the doorframe. Putting it in the hole on this side and mumbling grumpily as she fiddled with it.

The door opened and it was just Darkrai. Still in Twig's body...

He had the blanket from last night draped over his back. His neck lay on top of the second blanket. Facing the door.

Dusknoir felt a pang of guilt run through him.

He set the plate of food on the floor and left.

Dusknoir gave Celebi her portion, and she sat down at the table to eat as Dusknoir prepared Grovyle's portion.

Even if he had to squint to think he knows what Celebi's expression was, the fact that she wasn't humming a tune or complimenting his cooking told him all he needed to know.

"Are you okay Celebi?" He asked, lowering himself to sit on the ground across from her.

Celebi's head turned away from her food. He thinks she's glaring at the ground.

"I'm fine." She growled.

Dusknoir steeled his expression.

"No you're not." He replied. He saw Celebi's head turn back towards him.

"Please, Celebi. I'm worried. Tell me how I can-"

Celebi interrupted him with an exasperated sigh.

"Look, I appreciate that you want to help. But I'm not in the mood for a lecture right now. So can you just leave me alone please?" Celebi voiced.

Dusknoir watched her as she ate the rest of her food.

Celebi rose from her seat after taking her last bite.

"Thanks for the food. It was delicious." She mumbled, her tone not indicating much one way or the other.

Celebi fluttered from her seat, back into her room and shut the door. Leaving Dusknoir alone.

Dusknoir sighed as he collected her dishes and put them in the sink.

He took Grovyle's plate and entered into the room he was staying in.

"Grovyle. I... I made breakfast."

Dusknoir sat down next to him, holding his plate.

"Thanks." He mumbled, as he started to sit up.

Dusknoir moved a hand and held it over his chest.

"I won't allow you to put yourself in more pain."

Grovyle laid back down, took a deep breath and sighed.

"Stop that. I know that hurts you."

Dusknoir took the fork on his plate and started feeding him.

It was almost comical. The hitman that hunted him for years feeding him like he's a toddler.

Dusknoir would have laughed if the circumstances were different.

Dusknoir eventually cleaned off Grovyle's plate.

"How was it?" He asked.

Grovyle swallowed the last bite.

"Good." He replied.

Dusknoir rose from his seating position.

"Is there anything else I can-"

"No." Grovyle interrupted.

Dusknoir looked at him with worry before sighing.

"Alright."

He left the room, gently shutting Grovyle's door.

Dusknoir returned to the kitchen and put the dishes away.

He propped his elbows on the counter and leaned forward. Holding his head in his hands.

He wanted to help.

He wanted to make up for what he's done to them.

He's trying so hard.

But how on earth do you help someone that doesn't want help?

Dusknoir sighed deeply as he put the final portions of breakfast into a container.

He needed to clear his head.

He needed to go for a walk, get some fresh air.

He might as well feed Kip and visit Twig.

Dusknoir silently left the home and started traveling to the Verdant Village hospital.

He glanced around occasionally.

His heart ached as he tried to see the beauty around him, but it was all blurred. His vision fell to the ground in front of him.

Tears stung in his eye as he forced his thoughts to not enter an awful mindset.

He is going to make things right.

He's going to tell Kip again, that what he forgives him for what he did.

He will tell him that as many times it takes to be believed.

And he'll tell him as many times as it takes for him to believe that as well.

"Aw shoot." Dusknoir heard someone mutter in front of him.

He looked up and his heart lept in his chest. Even while blurry he would recognize her.

"Twig?" He asked, his voice shaking.

The figure's head shot upwards, her piercing blue eyes, prominent enough to be clear compared to everything else.

"D-Dusknoir?" She asked, her voice shaking as well.

#oopsie daisy! #it appears that Dusknoir has forgotten the teeny tiny detail that Twig didnt actually know that he's back! #perhaps rushing her barely alive body to the hospital would have anyone forget such a small totally insignificant detail! #oh BOY i look forward to exploring that soon enough. #text post #pmd eos #the present is a gift au #fanfic of a fanfic #pmd #writing #fanfic #body swap au #pmd2 #Im so proud of that line where he says he cant see the beauty around him because it's all blurred. #Because it isn't /just/ referring to his damaged eyesight! #going feral over the fact that /I/ wrote that.

[brookheimer]

the one thing i feel pretty certain about for this episode is that america will not decide the election. a decision will be made, a president will be elected, but america will not be the deciding factor.

succession can’t mimic 2016 or 2020 point blank, that would be boring and have nothing to say. it can’t try to outdo trump because it’ll go too whacky and fall flat like veep’s last season (sorry conheads, no way he’s winning). but what it CAN do is illustrate the immensely corrupt, often arbitrary, and hugely influential nature of news media and conglomerations on political processes. i think probably jimenez will be in the lead, then atn/waystar does something to, i don’t know, discount votes or cast suspicion on jimenez or call the election for mencken early, and the tide will shift, even though the votes are already in. the votes don’t actually matter. the actual result doesn’t actually matter. that’s the power logan (and as an extension, billionaires and CEOs in general) hold. shiv says it herself to logan in s4e2: “just cause you say it’s true doesn’t make it true. everyone just fucking agrees with you and believes you, so it becomes true and then you can turn around and say like, 'oh, you see? see? i was right.'” but it doesn’t matter that logan’s “a human fucking gaslight,” everything he says comes true anyways. not because he was right, but because that’s how it works. he says things and then they happen, regardless of what the truth is or what should actually come to pass. that’s been one of the key throughlines since the very first episode of the entire show when, in response to kendall calling logan out of touch because times are changing and logan isn't changing with them, logan hisses that everyone always says you’re wrong until you do it and prove you were right: “you make your own reality.” you can't miss the bus if you're the one driving it. the election, the votes, the political process? none of that matters. it was always going to come down to the roys and their ilk (allies or enemies, just the top 1%) — that was the whole point of “what it takes” (the mencken episode) last season, after all.

i’ve seen lots of theories about what america will choose and how the candidates will respond and all that and i just don’t think that’s the show’s focus; i think the whole point is to demonstrate the lack of agency, the illusion of democracy. because, i mean, we’ve already seen the fall of democracy via fascist election and fascist election-denial, both in real life and in the countless (usually mid) satires created afterwards. it would be disappointing to see succession use the election to reiterate that same point of 'ohhh alt-right ahhhhh!!!' i don’t think it’ll be about ‘fascism’ at all — at least, not ‘trump-y’ fascism. it’ll be about fascism in the broader sense, the kind that doesn't sport a KKK hood (even when it keeps one tucked away in the attic). it's the fascism that every single roy (very much including shiv and kendall) aid and abet -- the fascism that so many succession fans don't seem to regard as fascism, despite it quite literally being the definition of fascism. trump wasn’t the entrance of fascism into our political process. he wasn’t the lone sign of the failing of american democracy. democracy in america has long been illusory, trump just made it more blatantly evident with his particular brand of hate-speech-ridden masculinist in-your-face fascism.

so i think that’s what this episode will hopefully focus on — america will not decide. corporations, news media, and the roys will. thus, the president will most likely become president not because the country supports his policies the most, but because he’s likely to agree to help block a business deal for a major media empire, and the other candidate is unlikely to. and this will likely come to pass due to said major media empire's interference and influence: they create their own reality. they say it, and everyone agrees with them and believes them, so it becomes true.

#WOOF okay here's my unnecessary ~thematic prediction~ for this episode #i have some more like random thoughts ab what'll happen but those r less thought out and more throwing shit at the wall etc #but i've been thinking a lot ab this ep n idk i just can't see any other way it could be done satisfyingly -- they can't just do 2016/2020 #again. the focus has to be elsewhere. i have some specifics thoughts on details but again those r kinda random n will be in another post #after bizarrely getting a lot of things right this szn i know a lot of people are looking to me to see what i'll say for this ep and let me #remind yall that I AM LITERALLY JUST GUESSING BASED ON MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE SHOW AND HOW NARRATIVES #TEND TO WORK PARTICULARLY IN SUCCESSION! if i am wrong which i very well might be please do not crucify me. i know literally #nothing more than anyone else i'm just a random english/gov major who likes speculating about media ! that said if i end up right again #somehow then yes i am a prophet i am jesse armstrong i have never been wrong about anything in my life. etc #watch this age so poorly tho. #LOL #also fwiw i dont think the Shock etc is going to come from the election results - maybe possibly from the way things happen (i could see a #line of miscommunication resulting in fucked up outcomes etc which i can get into in another post) or a roy sibs moment but i just #don't think there's any way the results themselves cld be surprising. it's jimenez or mencken. it's not gonna be connor guys. #succession #succession spoilers #except not really. just succession speculation more than anything else #long post #succession speculation #100

[coulsonlives]

I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.

#it's painful because i knew someone who personally faked this stuff (or has convinced herself she has it i can't even tell) #she had spent all her time on tiktok and i know for 100% sure that's where she got the idea. it's TRAGIC how fast things went downhill #i'm legit horrified at how many people (esp young kids of 13-14) think they have this too. or are just pretending #i've been neck deep in hardcore research (and i'm talking pubmed sciencedirect etc only) for months #and those kids definitely don't have did.. if they have trauma and are dissociating it's going to be something else like dpdr etc #the number of stupid 'you have did' answers i see for totally basic questions like 'i got dizzy what's wrong w me' is insane too #it's like googling 'muscle twitch' and then thinking you have some rare 1/billion familial cancer thing despite other obvious explanations #but worse.. in these cases the information is being fed to them. they don't have an opportunity to explore other possibilities #and the worst part is they don't even know to CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING. they don't have info literacy #like i'll say this once: did is so rare that it's STILL contentious about whether it even exists #and it only happens in the most unimaginably traumatic experiences. think of the worst possible things you could do to a child #where even just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. THAT'S the kind of trauma that leads to did. the truly evil stuff. #i'm not even gonna start on the BITE model shenanigans that are happening in the 'did' communities either #or how the people who used to be in them (and got out) always equate them to self-harming cults that celebrated not finding real answers #they got told they were 'perfect the way they were' despite having OBVIOUS psychological issues they needed help for #(it just wasn't did) #they were assured their 'did was valid no matter what'. toxic positivity ig? it just delayed their real diagnosis and ability to get help #but now you have gluts of people like in the video 'talking to themselves' and people on tumblr posting one-liners of 'alters' talking #one after the other within seconds. and i want to fcking cry because it's the same exact shit my friend did before she cut ties #the did/tourettes/ftlb stuff has literally been called a 'mass sociogenic illness' in multiple academic studies #but like qanon believers they seem to immediately discredit anyone who mentions this with 'you're just ableist' so anything you say is poo #aka you're part of the problem you're an 'ableist' so your legit info even though legit isn't valid/acceptable/real/whatever. i'm tired fam #did #dissociative identity disorder #osdd #ddnos #munchausen syndrome #mass psychogenic illness #ableism

[kyouka-supremacy]

WAIT YOU AREN'T AMERICAN???

#Sorry akdbrvekkdbrjekbdke this is just. not the first time I receive an ask of this kind and I really can't figure what makes this idea– #come across and how to stop it akdmbrkskdbbeksbdbeksk #I am. very much not. Besides I feel like my English is super broke so I thought at least *that* would give it away!!! #people asks me stuff #It's just. There's a big modern cultural colonization by the usa of my and other European countries– #which... Eh... Doesn't make me... Well... Uh... Very fond of the usa to put it that way #And I KNOW it's unfair towards the people and I love all of my friends from the usa deeply and truly #But like. I totally get this is just a small thing but like... It's hard to explain. #But you need to understand the influence the usa has on Europe is BAD. And at least in my country it's utterly terrible. #And it's more of an extension of a deep capitalist structure than all usa's fault but like... My country is currently undergoing a– #privatization of healthcare and education following a blatantly american model which is BAD. There's like one (1) thing that our country– #has going on which is free healthcare and some of the current leaders want to change that just because for them if that's how it works in– #the usa then it must be good. It's bad. it's screwed up. Once every year someone brings up making of the country a federal state– #like what the fuuuuuck what is wrong with everyone. Not to mention all the media we consume comes directly from the usa and contributes– #spreading the idea the usa is on top of the world and all other countries are underdeveloped compared to them. You see why it's bad #But like. God this is an awful and faulted way to reduce an extremely complex subject I really can't dwell on because an entire thesis– #could be written on it. But there's a huge cultural colonization in Europe that makes people feel like there's no possible alternative to– #late stage american capitalism which is sooooooo so so so fucked up. #Because capitalism wins the moment people start believing no alternative is possible

[dandyshucks]

starting to think maybe i should turn rbs off on that post actually bc im having heart palpitations now fdsjgjkl why is this happening to meeee

#vent // #me when the paranoia is Getting Bad fjkfdsjkl #its stemming from m.oral o.cd i think bc i am mainly worried abt more eyes on my blog and ppl seeing me frolic here #and the brain gophers have been insisting that i am doing smth horribly wrong and not realizing it #and the worry is that someone is going to see that and bypass talking to me abt it and go straight to making a callout post #and i will be sitting here with Zero Idea abt it #and continue hurting ppl by doing the Unknown Wrong Thing #but i also am not sure how that would happen bc i overthink literally Everything i post #if u see me put tags on smth that isn't just a simple ''ough'' or ''hehe yay!!'' i probably sat there for two mins making sure it was okay #running thru the words at every angle i can conceive of to ensure its not going to hurt somebody somehow fdsjkl #and this paranoia has been so bad the past few days. and when it gets bad then i get worried bc maybe i somehow have a guilty conscience #without even knowing !!! just subconsciously having a guilty conscience somehow !! #which ... only makes the paranoia worse fdsgjkl its a very bad vicious circle #anyways. i have been lowkey avoiding being here lately bc of this but i feel like avoidance just makes it worse #so . hrm. i just do not want to have more crying breakdowns bc i tried to figure out what on earth i could possibly be doing so wrong fsdjk #not exactly a fun way to spend time FDSJKL but ... what can ya do i guess #like i can't ask ppl ''hey am i doing smth wrong?'' bc thats. very vague. and subjective. and also i shouldnt rely on other ppl like that #but my brain is so goofed up that i genuinely cannot tell when i get like this sdjfkl bc i feel so sure i must be doing smth wrong somehow #so every tiny thing seems like maybe its wrong in a way i dont understand yet... ough #ANYWAYS SORRY THIS IS . NOT A GOOD POST TO MAKE. LOL. but i feel like this is the only way im going to bust myself out of this cycle #hopefully if i just Say that i've been really worried then if smth IS actually wrong someone will let me know #and if nothing is wrong then !! i can move on from this continual paranoia spiral !! maybe !! #i feel like me posting this is going to be a Wrong Immoral Move but fdsjkl rly trying to just. break out of it rn fsdjkl #dandyshucks

[the-haunted-office]

Z– Zoo trip gone wrong(Doomsday, Thursday and Tau)

"You know. When I said 'Nothing can possibly go as wrong as that time with the dinosaur', I meant that as sarcasm, not a challenge," Thursday huffs, out of breath and also swearing she's on the verge of a heart attack, having just about leapt over the railing to the sea lion enclosure and straight into the water, which would have been no easy task given her lack of athletic prowess even without her growing baby belly.

Doomsday, naturally, stands there cackling while patting a sopping wet Tau on the head. "Aw, nothing wrong with a little swim, is there? Especially since everybody's already wet from the rain."

"There is when there are wild animals in the pool!" Thursday counters, wrapping a towel around Tau's shoulders. "Are you okay, bud? You didn't get hurt?"

"Eh, he's fine. I think we're about to get kicked out of the zoo, though." The ghost gestures to a pair of security guards and zookeeper running in their direction. "Time to go!" Without waiting for an answer Doomsday scoops up both Thursday and Tau and flies them off to the opposite end of the zoo, nearby the trail of African animal enclosures.

Thursday sighs and smiles at the young AI. "Well, at least we have our towel. Told you those come in handy! And there hasn't been any fire, so there's also that."

"Would you like for there to be?" Doomsday snickers.

"Why would we want fire at the zoo? This isn't the circus!"

"I was asking the kid, by the way." Doomsday grins at Tau, waiting for his answer, and sets them down safely by where a small pride of lions is sunbathing behind a plate of glass.

#drchandras sanctuary for ais #i can't see how this could POSSIBLY go wrong xD

[raeygina-george]

Tumblr is so mean to me

#raey spam #something something watching the site fucking destroy itself #it's straight up just Not showing one of my mutual's posts on the dashboard despite us being! mutuals! #then the gross ass twitter layout #the userbase shifting almost entirely to liking instead of reblogging #random ass people finding random ass reblogs of mine #like go reblog from op or people you actually follow 😭😭😭😭😭 how the fuck did you even find that 😭😭😭😭😭 #and. tumblr live #don't get me wrong i still love tumblr but. :( #im mostly just confused at why it's not showing my mutual's posts #they can't see my posts andi can't see theirs and it doesn't make any sense #only reason i could possibly think of is because i blocked them on accident like a month ago but i dont? get why that would make this happen #anyways omori magical girl update i have run into a roadblock #which is that i am struggling to write the story #and that means i can't make any art for it bc i quite frankly have no idea what the fuck kind of worldbuilding there is #atp i think i might just drop the story part & just draw some fun stuff #then maybe i can come back to the story later if i feel like it #bc this wasn't intended to be a fullblown novel it was just. hehe magical girls

[unproduciblesmackdown]

spinning off of "winston being fantastically (literally fantastical (literally related to fantasy)) clairvoyant (he is also figuratively clear-sighted / figuratively preternaturally perceptive just like, in the show. which is where this all comes from. plus him calling himself cassandra, always seeing the future. he really has always / continued to be thusly) and taylor literally has a broadsword" type fun and games that are very loosey goosey b/c billions aus go spinning off into their own separate dimensions super easily when billions canon is so rooted in its specific Stage Settings of modern day US law n finance battles in the office, sidewalks, and eateries:

the thought of winston & tuk and winston gets to be a fairy. jokes, please. changelings are right there with the common theory of "was this to explain disabilities & go 'something could go Wrong and the baby's not a Person and get rid of that,' unlike nowadays where people do that but go 'b/c that baby's disabled'" and also one goes Thinking Emoji about how apparently New Mothers and New Brides were susceptible along with New Borns to become swapped out with a fairy and now something's wrong with them and get rid of that. had to be about Something given that people apparently did act on changeling lore and martin luther is taking a stance like yeah another thesis, it's important to kill them And okay to kill them b/c they don't even have a soul anyways. okay thanks martin luther....meanwhile also witchcraft and getting after anybody for that too. and fairies generally as Problems, the etymology going back to [fate], the range like "ooh hehe causing funny little inconveniences just because" to more so "yeah they could cause life-threatening illness for that" and "yeah they'll just kill you"....and i think fairy/fey as respective noun/adj re: being gay is of Unknown Origin, like "gay" also is. and you never know, if being fey is like, well something's not right and it's dangerous, whether this is the inspiration....though by the time this slang starts turning up, and even in the time of prior possible origins / the roots in other usages / potential inspirations, theoretical actual fairies are surely becoming more Fanciful, this being around like, the 18th century, rather than "here's martin luther telling you to immolate! that! baby!"

but that like, you can have it all ways out here. the Always Small fairies i think being a later kind of victorian deal, rather than "fairies are shapeshifters & can become animals e.g. & May have a 'tiny little inches or millimeters high mode' but that's just a mode & the fact that generally though they just look like people, maybe with some stylistic variations and tells, means watch out" and i think wings came up ever, across yknow the various centuries and regions of folklore out here lmao and possible origins / influences yet further across time & regions & cultures, but again "always small and always winged" being a very relatively modern victorian deal. but we can draw on that to be sure when, additionally, a Potential mutual [would prefer to avoid] between fairies and humans (as opposed to "if your house or some shit is on a fairy path bestie just build them another door to walk straight through cuz they're Gonna") becomes "no, fairies mostly avoid humans more than the other way around" type of imbalance of any threat means like, well hey sure, the Real Self could then become a tiny little magical guy having fun with wing designs who is shy and elusive but maybe another fun little guy can accidentally become aware but then have a secret little hidden friendship hmm....

but then also just thinking of the version where you just look exactly like everyone else and live amongst them, changeling style. and potentially don't Know you're different, or at least not Why, b/c this is a "from birth" thing like hmmm ya don't say. and the whole thread where in some folklore fairies Aren't nonhuman, the difference is only about the separate fairy Realm you live in, which is different, with like "yeah sometimes fairies come from people who died." and alongside / overlapping with everything like "yeah you could disappear for a few days to that realm and then be like 'don't wanna / can't talk about it'" and whatever all various like "watch out for the liminal and unknowingly wandering or being taken into the fairy world and Then watch out for communing with them b/c then you could be Permanently affected, or permanently continually affected or vulnerable, or just stuck there. and we wouldn't want that" like well don't let them know your name but maybe try to find out their names b/c you can get at them in turn that way, don't get in on any food, don't get in on any parties. though variations, sometimes people getting whisked away for particular tasks that apparently Only humans can do. or forever potential for helpful / sympathetic fairy interventions in life. like fairies raising humans b/c their human parents were awful

also, that some classic Tests for "is your baby a changeling?" were very like, "well i guess if we drowned or burned that person and they just died about it....our bad," in the way that like apparently the way to go could be "put them in the fire. where they'll either burn or fly out the chimney." or "start going tf beating them with objects. so that they go away" like and they never stop beating winston with hammers out here!! or the classic "idk abandon them in the forest so fairies can take them back" like well they do also like [i prefer to pretend winston doesn't exist / forget that he does] lmao. this isn't really related. just the ol "ballpeen hammers kind of goated when it comes to putting someone in a sack and beating them to death" factor out here for your local changelings

also sure thinking of like ohh watch out for winston and his gayass Realm he exists in which is wrong and not of our own and potentially will forever change you with its gayass ways. uh oh don't get corrupted into a whole other powerful magical mode of existence if you commune with him in some deep fundamental nourishing ways. oh nooo watch ouuuut....one of the "you might be a changeling if" moments being "when they think they're alone do they act up?? dance??" like yeah i'm stimming and bursting into motion and making noises and existing wrong when i think i'm alone. Old Souls (theory as well that newborn changelings were secretly elderly fairies)....existence in the Fey Realm just making you different and out of place huh. and it would just be a guy though like either [undetectable except by already trying to kill them] and/or [actually just a human, fairies are just humans, fairies b/c they're in/from the fairy realm] but uh oh don't let him corrupt you. don't go hanging out with him and talking with him and partaking in his activities and embracing his ways. you'll be changed. you'll never fit in around here and be able to do things right ever again. we'll have to start beating you with hammers. and all for what. your weird gayass little guy and a whole possible other dimension of existence? vs all This? smh

#that fey little mf. all the same glasses hoodies cargo pants winston.... #winston billions #you can't go wrong. sort of semi fantastical au. or just modern day ''fairies can even be in your hedge fund office'' magical realism #not even like there's clear Powers lol like what do fairies do? well bit fuzzy on that but one things for sure: #cause problems for US!!!! like wow the way symptoms & definitions of disabilities are approached much? #you might be a fairy if....ouch i'm dead of unclear causes in 1337. Not very 1337.... #winston is truly always causing problems. also learned that ''oaf'' (another word i've recently thought like ''i would just not say that'' #b/c for some reason the nyt i believe described orville wingate as [still an(?)] Oaf & i was like a) huh b) excuse me) derives from fairy #as it was a term for a changeling specifically :I which juuust so happens to lead to connotations of Stupidity(tm) & Clumsiness(tm) #hmm! you do not say it! #what could changeling winston do? up for grabs. but the point is: change(ling) your life. and other fun things :) #also i think another potential fairy ability was: seeing the future as well lol. it's all coming together #seeing winston with fun bird wings b/c you've communed with him ''too much'' already. not an angel thing. a fairy thing #(sidebar abt how some Lore was that they Are an angel thing. see: influence from whole other traditions lol) #winston Becoming a bird b/c he can do things like that b/c fairies are shapeshifters. he's a pigeon =) you have a nest for him =) cooing #another parallel like ''definitely don't fuck him or you're locked in to his gay autistic realm for sure'' #just like how as a theoretically real world autistic person everyone just knows winston isn't allowed to have sex #nowadays how ridiculous to imagine going: we think someone is weird & dislike their vibes; they shouldn't exist. we should ostracize them #we would never be like; some corruption has caused your child to exist wrong. basically taking your Real child away from you #or when they do tragically exist that they should be driven away to any possible extent up to ''just kill them :( sorry for You btw'' #with the Possibility fairies could give you your Real Human Child back.... #autistic kid? number one recommendation totally isn't ''put them in specialized abuse school where we try to banish the autism for you''

[juuheizou]

Throwing this concept @ you (age swap igggg????) imagine if Mutsuki was Juuzou’s mentor 🤭🤭🤭

This isn't the first time I've thought about or started and not finished something of a role-reversal in this way, and let me tell you: mentor!Mutsuki that poor, poor fool. I give him 11 minutes, not just to mentor, but to survive.

Like he would have the beautiful kind heart to see a human being behind the bad things his fellow investigators say about junior investigator!Suzuya and specifically want to give him a chance, but I mean, think about where he would be at Suzuya's age without Suzuya mentoring him. Assuming he continued to be an investigator that long without him. Paired with Suzuya where he was at Mutsuki's age at that time? That Suzuya would eat that Mutsuki alive.

#not to compulsively talk around my new just-okay-but-im-obsessed-rn movies but #the sheer chaos of classical music playing while the wrong turn brothers incite a hospital riot #and seizure the very well-intentioned baby doctors poor sweet doctor brain into a fried ready-meal w the ect machine #before any of them were even teenagers #thats kinda how i see moderately accomplished senior investigator Mutsu's attempt to teach rank three Suzu going #not necessarily the massacre part but the disastrous energy of it all #i don't think suzuya would actually kill him because some real part of him wanted to leave that behind #for his relationship with shinohara to work #but with absolutely zero respect for the person in charge of him he would be pulling the strings in that relationship #forget knives the guy would pickpocket mutsuki's credentials off him and use them to steal some big boy quinques #mutsuki however would quickly realize how out of his depth he is solving cases with suzuya #and he has all this knowledge and skill even though he can't verbalize it the textbook way at first #and he would honestly let it happen #answers #snow-dropps #he could possibly maybe bring out the best in suzuya but his life would be a living hell for a while first

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Welcome to my Tuesday morning PSA about plastics!

So--I was walking along the Bolstadt beach approach sidewalk here in Long Beach, WA yesterday afternoon, and I started seeing these little orange pellets on the ground that looked a little bit like salmon roe (but probably weren't). So I picked one up, and it was most definitely rubber. I went around picking up every one I could find, and while I didn't keep exact count I probably amassed 50-60 of them. I took this picture before depositing them in the nearest trash can.

These are airsoft gun pellets, and you can buy them in big jars containing thousands of them. That means that someone who decided that the beach was a great place to shoot their airsoft guns could easily litter the place with countless little bits of plastic rubber in less than an hour. We already have a huge problem here with people leaving trash, including tiny bits of plastic, all over the beach (you should see the gigantic mess after 4th of July fireworks when thousands of people come in from out of town, blow things up, and then leave again without picking up after themselves.)

But these airsoft pellets have a particularly nasty side effect. You know how my first thought was "wow, those look kind of like salmon roe?" Well, we have a number of opportunistic omnivore birds like crows, ravens, and several species of gull that commonly scavenge on the beach, especially along the approaches because people often feed them there. If I can catch the resemblance of an orange airsoft pellet to a fish egg, then chances are there are wildlife that will assume they're edible.

Since birds don't chew their food, they probably won't notice that the taste or texture is wrong--it'll just go down the hatch. And since they can't digest the pellets, there's a good chance they might just build up in the bird's digestive system, especially if the bird eats a large number of them--say, fifty or sixty of them dropped on the ground along the same fifty foot stretch of sidewalk. The bird might die of starvation if there's not enough capacity for food in their stomach--or they might just die painfully of an impacted gut, and no way to get help for it. If the pellets end up washed into the ocean, you get the same issue with fish and other marine wildlife eating them, and then of course the pellets eventually breaking up into microplastic particles.

You can get biodegradable airsoft pellets; they appear to mainly be gray or white in color rather than bright screaming orange and green. But "biodegradable" doesn't mean "instantly dissolves the next time it rains." An Amazon listing for Aim Green biodegradable airsoft pellets advertise them as "Our biodegradable BBs are engineered to degrade only with long-term exposure to water and sun and will degrade 180 days after being used." That's half a year for them to be eaten by wildlife.

I don't know, y'all. That handful of carelessly dropped rubber pellets just encapsulates how much people don't factor in the rest of nature when making decisions, even on something that is purely for entertainment like an airsoft gun. We could have had a lot of the same technological advances we have today, but with much less environmental impact, if we had considered the long-term effects on both other people and other living beings, as well as our habitats. We could have found ways from the beginning to make these things in ways that benefited us but also mitigated any harm as much as possible. Instead we're now having to reverse-engineer things we've been using for decades, and sometimes--like the "biodegradable" airsoft pellets--they still have a significant negative impact.

But--at least there are people trying to do things better, thinking ahead instead of just on immediate profit. We're stuck in a heck of a mess here, figuratively and literally, and changing an entire system can't be done in a day. Maybe we can at least keep pushing for a cultural shift that emphasizes planning far into the future--if not the often-cited "seven generations ahead", then at least throughout the potential lifespan of a given product.

#plastics #microplastics #environment #environmentalism #conservation #nature #pollution #litter #birds #tw animal death #animal welfare #ecology #science #wildlife #animals #scicomm #pnw #airsoft #biodegradable #solarpunk